#prosciutto will go outside to smoke though - formaggio not so much

[oddverse]

Finally home from work this is how I make them extra terrible so i can feel better about myself

I need cracked out la squadra headcanons, they are the mafia I need them to love coke and hookers

[miss-dollette]

La Squadra Living Situation Thoughts and headcanons

I see a lot of fanfiction about La Squadra, where it’s described that they live with each other on the same base, and each of them have their own little rooms. But, tbh, I don’t see it. It gives… Avengers tower, Clint in the vents, Thor is obsessed with pop tarts - that kinda thing.

I think they meet up in that place where we first see them together, but I certainly don’t think they live there. It’s a base of operations. Probably where they store a bunch of illegal shit.

Though they get along (so much so, that it’s essentially a found family) these GROWN men need their own space. Like, I’m sure they would just get absolutely sick of each other if they lived in the same house.

They’re broke, but they have their own shit, jeez.

The only people I see living with each other is Prosciutto and Pesci. Or them having their own apartments, but visiting each other so often that they decided to just become roommates at that point. Prosciutto tells Pesci to never to get too comfortable, as the lives of Assassins are never set in place, and if their base was found by any brave assholes, they’d better be ready for anything.

Oh, and I headcanon Illuso lives in Luxury houses through his mirror dimension stand. This man would NEVER rent some tacky ass, cheap ass apartment, so he’d just use his stand to stay in. He’s very smug about this.

Risotto definitely lives in some cheap studio apartment that he hardly stays at. It has a nice view of the outside, but he keeps the curtains closed all day, because he values his privacy a little too much. The place is spotless, too. With minimal furniture, and hardly any light. Would have a bunch of metals just laid out on a tray, for some reason. Oh, and a picture of his deceased cousin on his bedside. Just a small one.

Ghiaccio is definitely smart with his money (managed to afford a pretty nice car, somehow), so he’d have some decently sized apartment. The place would be pretty empty (average male living space. Someone get this man some Yankee Candles and a decorative pillow or something)

(Don’t judge the time, I’m writing this before work, okay 😔)

Would have a weight rack and a single table. Fridge would be full of clean food and lean meats. Health nut. And the place would be practically sterile.

Formaggio would have a small place. He’d have a variety of tanks filled with all sort of critters he’d either picked up from the streets, or exotic pet stores. Tarantulas, praying mantises, rats, piranha’s… all to bring a torturous death to his targets. He wouldn’t take all that good care of them, so he’d have to constantly get rid of them (shrinking the bigger ones and flushing them down the toilet).

Melone… where do I even start. Lives in a building above a gentlemen’s club. He wouldn’t live where he had a clear view of the entrance, of course, but he’d choose the apartment where he could see the back door of the club - where he could watch the ladies take their smoke breaks or leave their work after a hard night. Fucking creepy guy, he is.

Sorbet and Gelato’s residence was burned to the ground, for some reason…

I want to get into this some more, but I gotta go. Let me know if y’all want more details.

[vespertineart]

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~☆My General La Squadra Headcanons☆~

Part 1

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Ft: Risotto, Prosciutto, Pesci, Formaggio ~♡

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Risotto nero

◇ Other than Metallica, his favorite bands include Pierce The Veil, Iron Maiden, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Guns N Roses and Linkin Park.

◇ Despite what most people like to think about his personality outside of Passione, especially when it comes to strangers, he is surprisingly very tame. Although he is a very strict and often violent man, it's only with his enemies. As shown in the Doppio fight, he likes to take his time to analyze things; he's patient.

◇ With strangers, he has a more wholesome side. He sometimes gets nervous, dare i say shy when talking to either elderly people or women, mostly his age or of single digit age.

◇He fears he might end up scaring everyone away, sometimes. It's not everyday you see a 6'7 beast with black scleras and fiery red eyes. He tries his best to make his testosterone drowned voice less intimidating, often making his voice small.

"T-that'll be it, ma'am, thank you," He murmurs to the cashier, his back arched so he meets her level. Safe to say his face is red.

(90% of Jojo fans migrated from the Arcana Fandom so i hope you understand what im saying when i tell you to compare him a bit to Muriel)

◇ I don't care what anyone says, he is a huge sweet tooth. I'm sorry I'm stupid and I have a huge soft spot for gentle giants who love sweets and are a literal marshmallow deep down.

◇ Amazing father figure.

Prosciutto

♧ 28 years old.

♧ He is just as disappointment-filling as the Fandom portrays him to be.

♧ favorite bands include Red Hot Chili Peppers, Judas Priest, Kiss, and shamefully, Destiny's Child. He doesn't tell anyone about the last one, but he knows he memorizes 'Bills,Bills,Bills' like his own name and will accidentally hum it when it plays.

♧ However let's give him a little bit of credit. He's not cold with everybody, and most definitely not Pesci. Actually, if he ever was cold, it'd be 10x worse than we think.

♧ Deep down, he has a soft spot for everyone in the team. Especially since, unlike Pesci, as much as he's trying to be, are more stable and mature, they meet up to his 'qualifications' of good company. They don't cause him any trouble most of the time, grâce à two certain members of the hitman team.

♧ Is secretly lactose intolerant, but instead of actually admitting it, he comically dumps that personal hatred onto Pesci.

♧ Despite popular belief, he does not smoke. Cmon. When was the last time you saw a panel of him actually smoking? Is it for the old man aesthetic?🤨 In fact, he hates it. Will start a fight if someone puffs the smoke in his face.

♧ Outside of uniform, he dresses up semi-formal and often has a sweater around in case it got chilly. He owns a ton of Doc Martens and the velvet boots with that ugly mustard color.

♧ His favorite foods are savory ones. Enjoys salmon and steak greatly. Make them for him and you might just win his heart (that's a joke, no you won't)

Pesci

♤ 26 years old.

♤ No, he and Pros are not related.

♤ He has caffeine intolerance, but doesn't know it yet. Despite him knowing it makes his stomach upset, it never bothered him enough to actually ask about it, so he just ends up blaming himself for being too weak.

♤ His favorite bands are The Scorpions, Backstreet Boys, Elvis Presley and a few songs of Paul Ankha.

♤ Is best friends with bugs. He's tried to convince the team to help him make a terrarium for the ones he caught, but Formaggio saw a cicada on the floor and immediately booked it. Or...came back and killed the cicada, in a better sense.

♤ Over the course of later years, he's become more hostile and confident. Though, he still has trouble getting out of situations like having to be in charge of a certain job while the actual worker leaves to do something.

♤ Prefers soft foods. Is really fond of native dishes from a round the world, and enjoys going to diverse restaurants everytime he eats out.

♤ If DP didn't decide to do Pesci so wrong with that shit voice, I'd headcanon his voice to be that of Silco from Arcane.

♤ Style is very casual, he likes to match pinks and greens on smaller articles of clothing a lot.

♤ Owns about 100 Converses and a singular pair of winter boots he's had ever since entering the team.

Formaggio

☆ 24 years old.

☆ He's the Mista of the team. Very clearly. Very good looking, a definite ladies man but absolutely fucking dumb.

☆ His hair is a buzzcut. He's ginger and has freckles and moles everywhere on his body, all over his back, arms, legs , even his-

☆ His favorite musicians are Shakira, Black eyes Peas, Michael Jackson and Kiss. Very chill about his music, and cares more about vibes and being able to sing along easily than just the lyrics.

☆ Has a lowkey decent voice when he hums to his favorite song. Accidentally hit that one high note in Celine Dion's song at 7 am when getting ready, and it was the only clean note throughout his entire screaming session. He still got his ass beaten by Prosciutto.

☆ His style is FRESH fresh. Wears a lot of bracelets, has so many piercings including above his eyebrows. He's a big fan of subtle body modification. He wears anything and everything. Hawaiian shirts and baggy pants, short tees that he styles as crop tops with puffer jackets over them. He's really a vibe, has the best style out of everyone in the team.

☆ Loves anything sour. Will eat a lemon whole when he gets the chance.

☆ Very boyfriend material, he's very hyperactive but chill, shows a sense of responsibility with how he's taking care of his beloved cat, and is overall just a score to pull. Look at him he's so handsome ♡

[squadrah]

From My CuriousCat

"Could you do Formaggio's day the same way you did with Prosciutto? :3"

Another general routine coming up!

Wakes up later than most: he just enjoys sleeping in, though he always makes it downstairs by the end of breakfast because he has taken it upon himself to read to everyone from the morning papers and discuss the more interesting headlines. It's his first social event of the day, and usually even those who were already done eating will stick around for it.

As one of the most self-sufficient members, Formaggio rarely needs to see Prosciutto during office hours, but if he sees several people in line, he'll join them just for a friendly chat, and if he's feeling frisky, will think of some borderline acceptable but subtly ridiculous request to make. Otherwise will just latch on to whoever is around, and leave some food out for the stray cats he feeds.

Once Prosciutto's office hours are up, Formaggio goes shopping with him and whoever else tags along. This is the second social event of the day and Formaggio usually manages to bring at least one more person along just so he has some support when he prods Prosciutto to sit down at a café somewhere for a reward.

After shopping, he'll lounge around until lunch. If his offerings have attracted cats, he'll play with the cats; if not, he will find a friend to pester. If nobody is around, he'll smoke outside or wander about.

Lunch is his third social event of the day and he milks it for all it's worth. At this point he can finally make plans for the rest of the day because by this time he will have gauged everyone's moods and aspirations. Will pass out on the couch if he's eaten too much, but once he's up, he'll start pursuing his plans by taking friends out to town or going to their place. If the weather is nice and there are cats around, he will bring a cat or two to the courtyard garden and let them loose. Bonus if Prosciutto is there gardening, because it means he will silently but insistently keep pushing the cats away, which keep coming back to rub cat hair all over his gardening clothes.

Like Prosciutto, he will sometimes disappear for some hours, though instead of browsing, he tends to go to a café or bar and have a drink and watch TV if the establishment has one. Will always make it to dinner early because the preparations are in and of themselves an event, and he can usually persuade the others (or most of them) to join him for some party games. Just a few rounds of ridiculous questions and answers, that sort of thing, but he never objects to playing cards, either.

Stays up later than most, will drink or smoke like his life depends on it. Leaves food for the stray cats and eventually drags his ass to bed.

[lasquadranights]

Bad News

Christmas Countdown: Prosciutto x Reader

Content Warnings: References to Polygamy

***

You stumbled in through the front door with snow covering you from head to toe; your nose was a stinging red, your fingers stiff, and your hair damp with melted ice. Despite the discomfort it should have caused, you laughed along with the others, giddy with victory from being on the winning team for your snowball fight.

Formaggio made you yelp when a handful of snow ended up shoved down your shirt, dodging out of the way of your retaliating swipe. He darted away and you gave chase though you quickly grew too tired to follow him downstairs.

“You two are dripping mess all over the floor,” Prosciutto drawled, alerting you to his presence as he entered the sitting room.

“Oh, don’t worry, it’s more like five of us,” you laughed. “Riz is the only reason I won. His aim is perfect.”

“I would surely hope so.”

You rolled your eyes and ran a hand through your hair, knocking snow to the ground in a slight flurry. It was going to be a battle with knots for days but it was worth it.

“You should join us for the next round,” you said.

“Not unless you paid me.”

You followed Prosciutto as he ducked past you, walking along the side of the hall to avoid the majority of the water and snow that lay across it. You would probably end up cleaning a little later but for now you were tired and more than happy to relax with a quieter companion.

“I could pay you but that wouldn’t be as fun,” you said as he opened the door and stepped outside.

It was still cold outside, even if your body felt warm due to the exercise you’d been doing. You stuck close, if not quite in contact with, Prosciutto who pulled out a cigarette.

The smoke curled around him. There was an elegance to him that you couldn’t deny; enhanced by his unhealthy habit. An almost regal nature created by sharp blue eyes and a tight expression.

He trailed a disapproving glance across the decorations that had started appearing outside also. You’d gotten approval form Risotto to do so and you wasted absolutely no time.

“Are you trying to demand attention for us?” he asked.

“It’s to make the place look more festive,” you answered. He leaned against the wall and you joined him, shoulders pressed together.

You hadn’t expected Prosciutto to be the festive person. From what you’d seen though, you weren’t entirely right. He appreciated the decorations and he enjoyed being able to spend the time of year with people but it also made him nervous due to money and an increased risk that he perceived. There was a lovely contradiction to his opinion but it meant he came across as hating the season.

And he really didn’t mind keeping that perspective around.

“Don’t you have somebody else to bother?”

“Nope.”

If he honestly wanted you to leave, he would move away. His body language remained easy to read even when he was spending more time in his head.

“I was thinking we should go to the opera,” you mentioned. “There’s a special holiday performance.”

“You already know that’s not in my budget – especially with how ridiculous prices have climbed thanks to it being tourist season,” he scoffed.

“Pro, I’m offering to take you.”

He didn’t give you an answer, taking another drag from his cigarette. Without warning, he flicked it down, grinding it into the ground with the back of his heel. “I see nobody’s bothered telling you yet. The boss is increasing our workload.”

“Again?”

He shrugged. “I guess there’s far more work to do during the holiday season or he’s just making shit up. We’re probably not going to be able to spend most of that time with you and possibly not even with each other.”

You stared down at the snow, feeling all the joy from earlier slowly drain out your limbs. Risotto had told you they were being worked a little more than he thought was needed to keep them in line. To increase it even more… you hadn’t considered that much of their holiday season would be spent isolated.

Prosciutto looked down at you. He wanted to say something but he seemed unable to come up with the words and so he stayed quiet.

“This is ridiculous,” you muttered.

He shoved his hands into his pockets and turned his focus to the miserable grey sky. If he was better at comforting, it would be much easier. He’d hoped it wouldn’t be him breaking the news but many of the others feared upsetting you too much.

Though, he was quickly developing a sensitivity towards it also.

You rubbed at your eyes, chasing away the tears before they even had a chance to appear. “Well then, I’m just going to have to make the most out of the time I do have.”

“What do you mean?”

You gave up on the subtle contact and pulled his arm around your shoulders. “Your boss is an asshole –“

“Be careful.”

“- but that doesn’t mean he gets to ruin everything. We’re going to enjoy our holiday together whether I have to postpone it or move it closer.” You smiled, a true energy behind it. “This isn’t going to end up being a lonely season no matter what. Trust me, I’ll find a way.”

There was something to your determination, the rebellious anger behind your eyes, that had Prosciutto smiling. It scared him, true, because that kind of defiance often ended poorly, but he couldn’t help.

“What?”

He was staring, expression unreadable but an unfaultable affection shining behind his eyes. The world could have been burning and all he would see is you.

After a second, he snapped out of it and broke the gaze. “Just be careful. We don’t need the boss getting any kind of idea about your existence.”

You knew it was true but you still muttered something about wanting to get at least one opportunity to hit the guy. “Probably pushing it a bit on Santa’s part,” you muttered. “But I’ll put it on the list regardless.”

For the first time during the holiday season, Prosciutto laughed. It was a short and brash chuckle but it was a genuine laugh and all of your anger drained immediately.

“Do you believe in Santa, Pro? I mean, I don’t know why you wouldn’t.”

He shook his head. “I’m going inside.”

“No, wait, you didn’t answer my question.” You gave chase, laughing the entire time.

And perhaps your wish list was just a little bit magical because, though you would never find out about it, you got your present a few days later. A bit of ice caused you to slip while on an out-of-city shopping trip and you ended up elbowing a pink-haired man in the nose hard enough that it started bleeding.

[jellyluchi]

Hiiiiiii sid 😘 may i request LS with an s/o whos more the reluctant doctor/sawbones for the group? Theyre not happy about it because everyones injuries stress them out so they tend to be a little short with them when theyre fixing them just as a cover up

A/N: Hello J!! 💜 thanks so much for requesting, this is a really cute idea for a 'La Squadra Healer' of all the people to give them shit for being in dangerous situations it should be them lmaooo

La Squadra x Doctor!Reader who has it with them!

— warnings: none — genre: fluff

Risotto: 

He can get really stressed over his team and their well being so really, he understands you the most. However, when it is him that’s injured, he gets kind of sheepish, especially when you fuss about it. Most of the time, he really didn’t mean to worry you but when the injuries happen his first thought is “they’re going to be angry about this one..” To make up for it, he definitely always makes his gratitude known in some way. He’s not the best with words but he loves you so he either shows it through given items (more medical supplies, better ointments, bandages, anything he could get his illegal hands on) or through acts of service (helping you with the others who are injured silently, making sure you get rest etc.) Occasionally he will use his authoritative voice and intimidating gaze to be hard on the team on your behalf to make sure not to get injured to cut you some slack. He knows how much you want to protect him as his s/o and he always makes sure you know the sentiment is mutual and understands. 

Prosciutto: 

Most of the time, Prosciutto is already a huge fuss on everyone else but when it comes to injuries, he’s worse. He’d rather finish a mission with zero injured members and even if it was successful he’d give them shit about it. So more often than not, he’s stressed out over them just as much as you, agreeing with your remarks about the guys being too careless and not looking out for themselves enough. Especially considering you’re his s/o and gaining more stress from it all. However, it’s a bit different when he’s part of the injured party. Sure, he’ll still rat on the rest for getting injured as well, this man is nothing if not hypocritical. But it gets a bit personal when you fuss over him. He will dismiss you and may argue about it, going off to smoke immediately after he’s patched, but later he will show you his gratitude and love in some way. He may even say he’s sorry for worrying you so much. But you cannot tell that to anyone! He has a reputation to uphold after all. 

Pesci: 

Oh this poor man already feels pretty bad about getting so many injuries. He truly didn’t mean it. Usually, on his good days, he’s unscathed and eager to help you in any way he can. He’s actually a quick and resourceful leaner so it’s useful to have him assist you with the rest of the team. Getting injured is a pretty bad blow on his self esteem though, and you (along with Prosciutto) berating him for it would be a nightmare come true. He doesn’t want to let his s/o down like that!  Eventfully, he sees the worry in your eyes and the how you do this out of love. Having this realization helps him be more grateful you, trying to get you to worry less. He’d start noticing your eyebags and constant tiredness and it prompts him to help you outside of work hours, asking what can he do to take the burden off your shoulders and if you just tell him to get injured less, he’d say he’s trying and wants to do something more immediate. In the end, you gain a persistent little helper around the base. 

Formaggio: 

There’s no way around it, Formaggio will be a little shit about his injuries. He may brush off your stress, makes jokes while you’re working on him (but it’s satisfying to cut them short when cleaning his wounds so he starts hissing a bit). But Formaggio is actually more observant than that. He knows how much you care for the team, hiding behind your attitude, lest they figure it out. So Formaggio will remain smiley even as you’re calling him every name in the book for somehow breaking his leg or getting hit with a bullet. He knows he’s not much help when it comes to the rest of the injured. So he surprises you one time by sincerely promising that he tries his best for you, that he knows your job is no simple task and the thought of losing the members is not something you want to deal with. He even confesses in behalf of the team how much they think of you when they are seconds away from having their life taken by force. He doesn’t want to push boundaries, but he openly thanks you for your care. 

Melone: 

A flirt that also takes your anger at his injuries as flirting. Oh? You’re worried about him? Looks like someone has a crush~ he’ll be a relentless tease about it! As medically inclined Melone can be, he takes a backseat when it comes to helping you with the others, chatting with you as you work on them. It’s his tactic to distract you from your worries about their injuries. He brings up random topics, asks you how your day was, if it doesn’t work he’s not afraid to be forward. He even gets uncharacteristically serious and sincere when talking about the missions and isn’t afraid to be blunt about your little cover up for your worries. He’s more prone to start helping you with the others during those moments because being honest and vulnerable makes him search for distractions too. Especially when he admits he truly tries his best for you. 

Illuso: 

Don’t let this man fool you. His cocky façade makes it look as though he doesn’t have an ounce of remorse from getting so heavily injured, multiplying your headaches by the minute. He may even undermine his injuries and pretend they don’t hurt when he’s in pain. In reality, he hides insecurities about having been injured and doesn’t want to worry you too much. Being his s/o, he wants you to think of him as cool and resilient and having made you worry for him, he doesn’t want to feel like he gave you too much stress. He likes being pampered a lot of the times (and your ability to heal sometimes makes him feel like he is) so he will mirror the sentiment by reducing your stress in other ways, especially with all the beauty products he owns. He wants you to relax and will pamper you as an apology, he knows you worry, sometimes too much for your own good. He’d like you to have confidence in him like he does for himself. 

Ghiaccio: 

He is quite the firecracker when it comes to others being injured. They’re stressing out his s/o! They should be more careful! His s/o doesn’t deserve to b so on edge! And he is consistent with his attitude. When you chide him about his broken leg or the gash on his stomach, he’ll go on a rant explaining exactly how he got it and why it wasn’t his fault but the attacker’s. Of course his abilities are in tip top shape and you can’t question that. In all honesty, he’s too flustered if he focuses on the fact that you take care of him so gently. Despite your argument about being stressed and how much you shouldn’t be because he’s great at his job, he still feels how cautious you are with his wounds and the proximity really gets to him. In the safe haven of privacy between you two, he’d be much more open about being apologetic for worrying you. 

Sorbet & Gelato:

God, these two are quite smug about their injuries. Every time, they’d say they’re used to worse, which really doesn’t quell any of your fears. Sometimes Sorbet says you ought to have more faith in both your boyfriend’s abilities given the line of work they’ve been doing for so long and their experience. But it takes a hot minute for them to realize you’re chiding is really from a deep affection. They’ll still joke about their morbid fascinations when it comes to theirs and other’s injuries but you have to know, your worries are not falling on deaf ears. Despite what it may seem, they do want you to be stressed less and they organize a flurry of group (3 person only) activities for you to enjoy, the details of which are only between you three. 

[magma-cjay]

I made some La Squadra headcanons... hope you enjoy :^)

Risotto Nero

Age: 28

Ethnicity: Sicilian/Egyptian (born in Sicily)

Sexuality: Gay (more closeted/probably doesn't realise)

General headcanons:

- He has Autism, fidgets with smaller objects he keeps in his pockets like pens or keys to help calm him down. When fidgeting with a pen on his desk he can take it apart and put it back together again.

- Social interaction? How do you do that? (Is mostly more talkative around the people he's close to, aka his team. Though usually performs better when it's only atleast 3 or less of them in the same room with him).

- Him and Formaggio are the closest in the group. BFF's! They'd go out and try and find some cats in the alley ways. Ghiaccio is his second closest next to Melone

- He likes animals, alot. Will protect or rescue one if he sees them around or on a mission

- The father figure for La Squadra, and if he sees one of his members in distress he'll do anything he can to help calm them down/soothe them.

- Doesn't get drunk. Period. I think we know why.

- Enjoys the sun, is able to stand in it longer than Illuso or Ghiaccio due to him more able to tan than get sunburnt.

- When he isn't showing off his torso, he prefers warm snuggly jumpers or hoodies. Makes him feel safe and has the same affect as receiving a hug for him.

- Has a few plushies, small bean filled cats and probably a moderately huggable sized bear. Holds it at night while he sleeps

- He'd eat spicy stuff without a blink of an eye. His mama used to make him alot of Mediterranean/Eastern foods like Indian and Egyptian. So he has a hefty tolerance to spice

- Will bite into a lemon. With 0 hesitation. And just eat it as if it were a regular not acidy fruit.

- Doesn't cry much, but when he does he's an ugly crier. Snot and tears running down that man's face, probably clenches his fist or punches something to. Depends on the situation of course.

- Enjoys the bitter taste of Dark chocolate, will eat a whole block of the kitchen made stuff with ease.

- Can lift everyone but Pesci and Illuso as if they were as light as a feather. Pesci and Illuso are a tad more heavier.

- His linguistic skills outside of Sicilian and mainland Italian suck. He's got horrendous English compared to the rest of the group. Relies on Ghiaccio to translate whatever they are saying.

Ghiaccio

Age: 20

Ethnicity: Venezian

Sexuality: Gay/Ace

General headcanons:

- Has ADHD. No doubt.

- Sees Risotto as a father figure, looks up to him for guidance and listens to him the most.

- Got his curly blue hair from his stand awakening! It was a slow process. Risotto checks on it every so often because the more blue and curly it gets, the more powerful his stand becomes.

- Other than Risotto, the closest member in his squad is Melone! They get along the best in the group. They have similar intellect and both like to learn about eachothers passions! (Without it getting sexual of course)

- His insults? No rapper could ever compare to the zany things this gremlin comes up with! He'll slaughter you with his words and his stand!

- Can speak multiple languages! The best at English other than Melone, Formaggio and Pesci in the group! Hates it when people pronounce things wrong (wow, that was obvious) and also hates slang. It gets on his gears when Formaggio uses it.

- Loves cats! They calm him down! He doesn't want to hurt the little critters! Unfortunetly too shy to go out and actively find them, but will promptly beat the ever loving fuck out of you if you hurt a cat in his vision.

- Doesn't let anyone but Melone, Pesci and Risotto touch his curls. You will be frozen if you aren't them.

- Enjoys crunching on Ice cubes, the sound is satisfying and he finds the taste nice.

- Hates asparagus and avoids it like the plague, same with Coriander. It tastes like soap! Ew!

- Has warm showers to balance out his stand that makes him colder than the average person. Won't turn it up too high otherwise he burns.

- Burns easy in the sun, wears alot of sunscreen.

- The lightest member of La Squadra after Melone! Will scream if you pick him up.

- He has muscular thighs and has a light 4 pack! Skating does alot for you!

Melone

Age: 26

Ethnicity: Naples

Sexuality: Pansexual

General headcanons:

- Has sleep paralysis.

- Got a degree in human genetics & Biology!

- Is a maternal figure to his Juniors and would definetly be capable of caring for a baby.

- Will drape himself over Risotto, the man doesn't care how. As long as he isn't doing any weird shit. And Melone will gladly go with those terms.

- Calls Risotto "Rizzy babe/baby" and it drives Ghiaccio and Prosciutto into the wall. Be professional damnit Mel!

- Him and Prosciutto are fairly close, they get along well with only a few minor differences in views. He and Illuso have a stronger bond however.

- Isn't as sexually driven as he seems. Tells Ghiaccio alot of 'apparently' devious things he's done but in all honesty? He isn't that bad. The only thing that's relatively "disgusting" is him being into legs and feet. Other than that? He just knows too much and puts on a persona to see how creeped out other people get.

- Knows everyone's star signs, blood types, DNA and allergies! Puts all the information down on BabyFace.

- BabyFace is basically his own personal laptop, he can play games and hack into servers when he pleases!

- Created most of La Squadra's furniture... with BabyFace. Risotto, Ghiaccio and Illuso are the only three that know that he created it with BabyFace. Ris and Mel are the only ones who knows what people are what furniture. Melone occasionally says hi to them when the others aren't around.

- Melone also has a weird amount of knowledge on dogs. He'll tell you almost everything about a breeds behaviours and traits, to even what is best to give them from toys to food!

- Likes eating Formaggios bags of chips when he isn't looking. He just finds those fatty crispy potatoes in a bag so utterly irresistible!

Prosciutto

Age: 35

Ethnicity: Milan

Sexuality: Bisexual

General headcanons;

- Trans! F-M

- Him and his mother look very similar to eachother. Even more when he was pre transition!

- Smokes cigars.

- Takes like 20 minutes doing up his hair.

- Buys fine wine, won't take the cheap shit.

- He spends daddy's money. But the team doesn't have to know that.

- Enjoys sitting in the sun with a nice glass of wine with olives, hates it when he's disturbed.

- Has some toxic masculinity, doesn't want to look 'weak' infront of the team, or at all.

- Nutures Pesci, the two are very very close. Not brothers, but close. You will not enjoy the wrath of Prosciutto if Pesci is hurt.

- Does the face rubbing with everyone. Wants to make sure everyone can succeed at their task!

- Him and Illuso are, close? They tease eachother in a friendly way, love finding ways to make the other flustered or embarresed. It's a very fun game to them.

- Is probably the 2nd best at using a gun. No one can top the sniper that is Gelato however. But he is learning from him.

- Do not. Mess with his suits. The minute he finds out someone has wrinkled or spilled his suits you will be turned into an old hag. Most of the team knows this. But there's still the oddballs who don't learn...

- Reacts like a normal person to unusual bizarre situations. Who put this inflatable pool into the base? GET IT OUT! STOP SWIMMING IN IT!

- Doesn't like cats, they get hair all over his clothes and vomits up cat treats on his bed. But Illuso and Melone can tell that he himself acts somewhat similar to a cat. Just exclude the puking.

Pesci

Age: 20

Ethnicity: Sardegna

Sexuality: Straight

General Headcanons;

- Him, Gelato and Sorbet? Good friends. BFF's even.

- Is shy, doesn't do well in social situations. But you can tell alot more easier than you could with Risotto

- Enjoys fishing in the coastal waters. Will occasionally go out with Formaggio and Illuso to fish with them.

- The others have tried to show him new drinks, but he'll always stick to milk. It's what his momma gave him when he was younger, a habit he has yet to break.

- His momma was very over protective, unfortunetly causing him to be very anxious and paranoid about many things. It's a surprise he even managed to join the Mafia.

- Likes dogs! Him and Mel can talk about dogs for hours! Even visit some at shelters. Only wishing they could adopt only to remember they're professions..

- Does pedicures with Sorbet and Gelato every weekend. He makes sure to keep his nails in good condition for them! And they do the same! Sometimes they do makeovers with eachother, he likes looking fabulous on the next mission!

- Likes kids but is terrified to go up to them. But whenever it's him and Risotto, he has a little more confidence. The two wouldn't mind ever giving the homeless children some food or a piggy back ride.

- Is allergic to walnuts. He found that out from a pie Melone made him. Thankfully he came out okay thanks to BabyFace.

- He does indeed hide behind the couch whenever they watch a horror movie. Thankfully Risotto is there with him whenever they do watch them, the man apparently doesn't really enjoy them either. He isn't scared, but he just prefers other genres.

- Is only good at some English due to all the tourists! He felt like he had to learn some so he'd be able to talk to them or help them out with directions.

Illuso

Age: 26

Ethnicity: Spainish

Sexuality: Bisexual

General Headcanons;

- Pillow princess!

- Don't disturb him when he's in the tub, just don't.

- He can sing! He's very loud! But usually sings when no one Is home. Prosciutto and Melone are the only two that have heard his singing voice.

- Teases members of the team constantly, he's just alot meaner with Formaggio.

- Made his outfit! Formaggio and Sorbet absolutely hate it! But he doesn't care about the haters

- He has full control of his pigtails, no one knows how he is able to make them magically float. But that makes it even more fun! They usually start to squirm when he's excited, flustered or scared.

- Is always in his mirrors. Likes the quiet inside, but sometimes he'll get lonely and pop out or ask some of the others to join him inside.

- He's relatively good at cooking, mainly Spanish cuisine. But is learning with Melone how to make baked goods!

- Him and Mel watch TV together, they love making fun of the characters and getting deeply invested into the plot. They binge alot.

- Isn't a snacker, he will only eat snacks if he's watching TV or if he's in the tub. Those are usually grapes.

- He doesn't hate Formaggio. They are quite close! Just thinks some of the things he does and says are absolutely stupid.

- Knows almost everything history wise with his teammates. But still can't find much on Risotto.. one day he will... one day... only knows some of his info from Melones BabyFace. But that's not enough!

- Invades his teammates privacy, he'll pop through the mirrors in they're rooms. No he doesn't care (atleast most of the time)

Formaggio

Age: 27

Ethnicity: Boston

Sexuality: Bicurious

General Headcanons;

- He has a pet name for everyone, most of them don't mind. Gelato and Ghiaccio absolutely hate theirs however.

- Of course as we know in canon, he's the brother of the group. Tries to cheer them up after a particularly glum mission, or if they are just having a bad day.

- Loves cats. Ain't good at taking care of them. Risotto gets annoyed whenever he leaves cats in containers.

- He snacks, alot. Like alot alot. Thankfully he exercises with Sorbet so he maintains his frame.

- Loves pissing off Illuso with the way he eats Spanish food. A disgrace for eating Doritos with Guacamole! But man it's fun to see his face go red! And it tastes good.

- Has the strangest ideas for how to defeat targets. Goes into Risotto's office constantly and babbles on about ideas. Most of the time they are surprisingly accepted. And they work!

- Happily drinks cheap booze, it disgusts Prosciutto. But he doesn't care. Unfortunetly gets drunk after 5 bottles. Doesn't drink infront of Risotto though (atleast not on purpose).

- He loves the beach! Hot babes (and bros?) walking around, it's a paradise for this cheese man! Has to be taken away from the beach by force when they have to go home though.

- Usually wears very loose clothing. He gets too hot easy! Gotta wear something he can breathe in.

- Likes orange chocolate, some of the others judge him for it. But him and Sorbet can snack on that stuff for hours.

- Likes listening to the game on the radio in Ghiaccios car since Illuso and Melone take up the tv too often.

- Is from Boston, so of course he knows English. Sometimes swears in it, but he mainly speaks in Italian now. Knows some Sicilian thanks to Risotto!

[kirieshhhka003]

can i have nsfw alphabet for prosciutto if thats fine 😗👉👈

Thank you for your request, my lovely anon💚

Note: in all NSFW alphabets I describe how this character acts during sex with different partners, NOT with someone they love

Warnings: NSFW

Prosciutto NSFW alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Prosciutto is very attentive lover, even though he doesn’t want to look like that. He cares about partner’s well-being and does everything he can to make them feel comfortable

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Lips is the body part that attracts Prosciutto the most. He prefers them to be plump and soft, maybe with some bright red lipstick or lip gloss. On himself Prosciutto doesn’t have any particular body part that he likes the most, he spends a lot of time in gym and his whole body looks great

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He produces pretty small amount of sperm, it’s very thick and salty. Prosciutto’s favorite places to cum are partner’s face, mouth or inside of them

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

The whole La Squadra decided to spend an evening at their favorite restaurant, to take their minds off of the work. Everyone was drunk and Prosciutto decided to go outside the restaurant for a smoke. When he was finishing his cigarette Formaggio joined him and they spent about half an hour talking about everything and nothing. One moment they both got silent and just stared at each other. The next second Formaggio was pressing Prosciutto into the wall and massaging his ass while blonde was unbuttoning his shirt. They heard someone’s loud steps and Ghiaccio’s angered voice berating those two for missing for that long. They let each other go and acted like nothing happened

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

I think that Prosciutto is in his late 20’s and, of course, he’s experienced. He’s an attractive man, lots of women and men dream about night with blonde. He definitely knows what he’s doing and what he should do to make partner squirm and tremble from overstimulation beneath him

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Nothing too weird, his favorite positions are doggy, cowgirl, missionary and 69. But if partner wants to try something new, Prosciutto doesn’t mind helping them out with that

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Prosciutto is not a big fan of jokes or puns during such an intim moments. He may comment on something to make partner relax and feel more comfortable, but prefers to hear their moans, not a “hilarious” joke their friend told yesterday

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He’s always clean-shaved down there, and expect the same from his partner. Some interesting intim haircut may work for him, but he prefers no hair. Prosciutto is a blonde, so hair on his whole body is also blonde

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Prosciutto is a passionate lover, but is also very caring. He won’t ever lose his head and hurt his partner in a heat of the moment. Blonde loves to touch, stroke, rub their body almost lovingly, it brings him joy to please somebody

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn’t jacks off often, he just doesn’t need it. If Prosciutto feels need in someone’s closeness he just orders some hookers that help him out with his little “problem”. But there are moments when he gets bored at home and masturbation is a great way to busy yourself

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Prosciutto’s kinks include: BDSM, domination over him, degrading, face slapping, role play, bondage, anal sex, fingering, blindfold sex and temperature play

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He feels most comfortable somewhere secure, in a place like a hotel room or his house, but he never invites partners to his home. He may even go for outdoor sex, but only if he knows that nobody gonna catch them doing the do

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Prosciutto is bisexual, but mostly prefers women or feminine guys. He has a thing for plump lips and thick thighs. If partner have both - blonde is all for them with a tent in his pants

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Everything related to human body liquids like blood or water sports and including food to sex. Prosciutto doesn’t understand why woul someone eat while fucking? Eating from someone’s body sounds gross to him

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Prefers receiving over giving, but loves when female partners sit on his face while jacking him off. But even though Prosciutto likes penetrative sex more, than oral

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

His pace changes depending on how close he and his partner are to orgasming. When he reaches his high during sex his thrusts from slow and sensual change to fast a rough. He becomes a little bit harsher, biting on partner’s neck, leaving marks and hickeys and then gently kisses and licks all the bruises he left

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies are good way to blow off steam after or before hard mission, quick blow job or short fuck helps to clear up thoughts. Prosciutto prefers to take his time in a bedroom, but sometimes quickies are real blessing and give him powers to live this hard day

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Prosciutto has tried out a lot of things and it’s pretty hard to impress him with something. He’s up to almost every idea or kink his partner have and gladly discovers something new

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Usually Prosciutto lasts for three rounds 10-15 minutes each, but it really depends on his partner, blonde can go for the whole night if they want him to

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Prosciutto has a pair of handcuffs, flopper, gag and ton of bondage stuff like ropes and belts. Blonde has a whole collection of lubes, they’re all different color and smell, with cooling effect, some contain aphrodisiac and some are even with fritter

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Blonde doesn’t like to tease his partners, but he loves when they do that to him. Prosciutto loves to feel dominated, to feel like he has no right to choose what to do with his own body. Partner may edge him how hours - it’ll only bring painfully sweet pleasure to blonde male

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Prosciutto is quiet most of the time, bud he gets louder and louder as he reaches his orgasm. Blonde let’s out quiet growls and moans but most of the time his mouth is busy kissing and marking partner’s body and whispered something dirty into their ear

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Prosciutto loves to kiss, for him it’s even better than sex at some point. He’s great at it and definitely knows what he does, his kisses are passionate and sloppy, blonde loves to hear quiet smacking sounds and partner’s soft moans. Prosciutto gets goosebumps from the feeling of soft lips right next to his, from the sweet taste of partner’s lipstick on his tongue

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Blonde is about 6 inches when fully hard, his cock is more on a thinner side, not very veiny, not curved. The tip is very pink, the same size as a shaft and super sensual

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

His sex drive is normal for his age. Prosciutto is not a teenager in his puberty, he knows how to control his libido and doesn’t walk aroun with boner only because someone attractive winked at him

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Prosciutto doesn’t like to sleep after sex, he prefers to spend this sweet time smoking, cuddling and kissing with his partner. Usually it ends up with new sex session, but it’s a whole different story~

Masterlist | Smut Masterlist

[butter3drainbows]

La squadra brainrot and my endless love for children and romantic comedies got me thinking. So imagine this, single dad squadra falling in love with their child's kindergarten teacher 🥺

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺❤️✨ My fav F/Os as D-D-daddies??

Get ready for some UwU scenarios with La Squadra Dream Daddies asdgf

====================================================

Oooh ♥️♥️♥️ Melone would be the dad that tries to be around the school whenever his work schedule allows it and is known as the parent who announces his presence loudly from the entrance 😂 Melone's attraction for his kid's teacher is poorly hidden with him visibly perking up whenever they bring his child to him. Every day he would take their hands, look them in the eye and earnestly thank them for taking such good care of his child when he is away. His child is really talkative and will have nothing but good things to say about their teacher when Melone asks them about their day. In the middle of his kid's excited recounting of their day, the child will share how they wish that their teacher would always be around the house and that they should marry their papa right away because he really reaaaally likes them. Melone would be thrown off the loop at being outed so suddenly but will be given hope when his child's teacher laugh and say, "Well it's a good thing we're both single then aren't we?"

I always like to imagine Risotto having a daughter that easily cries 😂. Idk, just the thought of an intimidating tank of a man crouching in front of his tiny daughter while rubbing her tears away with his thumbs or letting her hiccup over his shoulders makes my heart howl like there's no tomorrow 😭💖💖 Her teacher will follow Risotto's example and let them sob into their shoulders one rainy afternoon, swaying her from side to side and reassuring them that her daddy is on his way to pick her up soon and was just probably late because of the rain. Seeing his daughter quickly be soothed by their nurturing personality has Risotto's attraction for them increase two-fold. He knew then and there that he wanted them to be a part of his and his daughter's lives.

Illuso will be the dad who finds himself confiding his troubles as a single dad to his kid's teacher and while he sometimes feels like he's being such a burden by sharing his problems, the teacher always reassures him that it is absolutely ok and even encourages him to talk about it with them if he's comfortable enough to share more. The fact that his kid absolutely loves them was just a bonus. They were perfect. They made it so easy for Illuso to fall head over heels with their patience, empathy and kind smile. He's never felt such warmth from his former lover before and for them to provide it to him so selflessly makes him yearn for something more after being alone for so long.

Pesci's child is a born trouble-maker and stories of their antics are something that both he and the teacher would have in common to talk and laugh about during PTAs or in afternoons when Pesci would allow his kid to play longer in the playground after kindergarten hours. They will be quick to give him reassurance, even scold him when he feels like he's not doing enough for his kid to be a well-rounded person. Every kind word that leaves their lips is a strike to the heart for Pesci. They're so incredibly nice to him, who wouldn't fall in love with someone like them?

In Formaggio's case, he would fall in love with them the moment he lays their eyes on them. They look so much like his late lover it almost makes him believe that they were still alive. It was hard for him to keep himself away with the memory of his late beloved flashing with their every move when he observes them from afar. Their personalities can not be any more different though, and that alone snaps Formaggio out from his delusions that his late lover wil everl come back to him. He was glad he met them though. He can finally let go of the pain eating away inside him from losing the love of his life.

For Ghiaccio it all begins with his grandmother's recipe for her special almond cookies. He had his son take some as snacks to school and had apparently shared some to his teacher. His teacher loved the cookies and asked Ghiacco's son if his dad was open to sharing his recipe with them. Ghiacco was hesitant at first saying, "I'm not sharing your nonna's amaretti recipe just like that" but had a change of heart when his kid handed him a handwritten authentic recipe for Mustazzoli with a note at the bottom that says, "Perhaps a trade then?". And so began their quiet correspondence of shared recipes and personalized notes behind detailed instructions and drawn directions for where to get the best produce.Like Melone's kid, Ghiacco's feelings for the teacher will also be unceromoniously revealed by his son, but this time in the form of a drawing depicting him and his son's teacher sending love letters, as the child would call it, with little Ghiacco as the messenger of love. "Would you like to have dinner sometime?" read Ghiaccio on the latest shared note given to him by his son. He quickly looked at the wide-eyed child suspiciously, knowing how he may have had a hand in this sudden turn of events being how smart he is for his age. He shuffled through his Olaf bagpack and pulled out a piece of paper that had a number written on it before saying, "I got her telly number so you guys can call each other. Y'know like normal people."

Prosciutto probably didn't realize it but he fell in love with his daughter's teacher the moment he saw them give her a pep talk on her first day of school and actually manage to convince her to have him leave her. His daughter had always been fussy and it takes a lot of patience and time to actually get her settled for her to listen to him. They, however had managed to do this is seconds with their cheerful smile and soft words. The moment he realized he was falling was when this same teacher came up to his car window urgently tapping his window and asking him politely (but with barely concealed fury) to step outside when they caught him "smoking"(but really it was just mint candy that resembled cigarettes lol) in the car with his daughter in it. Prosciutto couldn't even put a word in at the flurry of words that left their pretty mouth. He didn't mind being told off by them though, it was obvious how much they cared for their students with how many times their concern for his daughter's well-being was brought up in their tirade. When he was finally able to explain that the cigarette was in fact candy, he couldn't help but chuckle at their mortified expression and the embarassment that came after. This person was interesting, he decided, he wonders if they were still single.

Gelato fell in love with his daughter's teacher the moment they mistook him as her kidnapper. He appreciates someone who knows how to fight and boy were they good at keeping him immobilized. Only when his daughter started crying to "let his papa go" did they release him from their chokehold. He was sure he was going to bruise from that. The redness on their cheeks and the hurried apologies only added to his attraction for them. How cute.

Sorbet also experiences the same situation as Gelato and will fall in love with the feisty teacher at first sight. He will commend anyone who has the ability to pin him face down on the ground being a professional in MMA himself and will be highly amused that the one person who was able to do so was his kid's innocent-looking kindergarten teacher. Looks to him like his kid is gonna have another person to call mama.

[dokidoki-tae]

Here's a VERY dark scenario, how would la squadra react if they were sent a tape that showed their s/o being tortured by one of the boss's men (most likely cioccolata with secco recording)

This was a lot more difficult to write than I thought. I apologize if this isn’t what you were hoping for. 

Risotto: The video was addressed to him and it was all he needed to tip him off something was wrong and the tap likely heinous on it, and it’s something that involved him. He watches it alone in his office. His face is unreadable as the video continues, finally understanding what exactly he’s watching. He’s frozen in his seat, watching as his s/o is being tortured ever second fueling a burning rage threatening to engulf anyone who crosses him. It was a good idea that he decided to watch this on his own. Despite the cold exterior he’s trying to maintain, he’s losing control of his stand the metal objects around the base are no longer functioning. The rest of the team are starting to pick up that their Capo is burning with rage. Most of them have never experienced this side of Risotto and consider checking on him, though they are stopped by some of the older members. He hopes his s/o is still alive, but he doesn’t hold on to the hope. He can’t allow himself to believe such a thing. Right now, he all he needs is the anger festering in his heart. He doesn’t even consider asking his squad to assist him; he wants to be the only one to inflict the bastards who took his s/o from him with excruciating pain.

Prosciutto: The mailman arrives just as he finished smoking his cigarette. He hands him the package with the videotape. Prosciutto goes inside and examines it. There’s no return address. When he opens it, he finds a lock of his s/o’s hair taped on the videotape. His heart increases its rate and he can feel a cold sweat run down his face. He shakes it off, reprimanding himself for behaving like some coward. He doesn’t want to assume the worst, he spoke to his s/o not too long ago. They’re alright, he repeats to himself. As the video plays, he narrows his eyes, trying to make out the content because it’s dimly lit. His eyes widen and a gasp escapes his throat when he finally realizes what he’s watching. His shock is quickly replaced with unfathomable rage. He gets up and kicks the television, kicking it over and over, letting out his frustration. The sound causes those in the house to see what the noise is about. When trying to talk to Prosciutto, who’s shaking with anger. He snaps at them, telling them he has other business he needs to take care of. Pesci is concerned and asks him what’s wrong. “I’m going kill those vermin.”

Pesci: He’s been worried about his s/o, as he hasn’t heard from them in a while. He thinks they might simply be busy. he’s mopes around and Prosciutto chews him out for acting like a kicked dog. He gets something in the mail addressed to him in his s/o’s handwriting. His heart flutters seeing it, and he wonders what it could be. Since no one was using the living room, he plays the type and his smile drops instantly. As he watches, he screams for Prosciutto who comes running and sees Pesci wailing and crying. Pesci’s calling his s/o’s name, he’s calling Prosciutto’s name, hoping that his aniki will know what to do. Even Prosciutto is speechless when he sees the recording, but once he collects himself, Pro yells at Pesci to get a hold of himself and goes to shut the tv off. Pesci is on his knees on the ground, yelling for his s/o and how it can’t be them. It’s not them in the video, he looks at Prosciutto to tell him what he wants to hear, and the rest of the team rush over to see what the commotion is about. Prosciutto has to be the one to fill them in because Pesci is still wailing. When no one says anything, Pesci sobs harder until he stops and laughs a little. “They could still be alive, right, aniki?” He starts to get excited, dangerously hopeful. They might be keeping his s/o alive and maybe they could still save them. The others are pretty somber and don’t want to shatter Pesci’s hopes, though they know it’s unlike his s/o is alive. Pesci refuses to give up hope so it will be a bit more heartbreaking if things don’t turn out the way he hopes.

Formaggio: Formaggio examines the tape. He doesn’t think much of it at first until he read the title. The tape is label “~Swiss Cheese~” with little hearts all over it. He doesn’t know what he’s suddenly so tense and why his mouth is so dry. He takes several deep breaths because he keeps forgetting to breathe. He’s got a bad feeling about it and contemplates watching it. He feels his stomach turn, his lunch threating to escape and spill over the floor. His back begins to ache due to how tense and nervous he’s getting. He says, fuck it, and puts the video on. As if it’s going to be as bad as he thinks. The first image he sees is a drill and a masked person looking into the camera, looking pretty please with themselves. They’re up close, so Formaggio can’t see the background. Formaggio’s confused but he drops his guard until the person backs away and Formaggio is greeted by his s/o tied to chair, shaking. The person is making puns out of his name and turning on the drill close to his s/o’s face. Formaggio launches himself forward and stops before he can see anymore. He’s dry heaving, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. He’s kneeling and looking down, unable to bring his eyes to the tv screen again. His body is shaking, his muscles tense and he’s clenching his fist. He yells and starts punching the screen, breaking it and injuring his hand but he doesn’t care. He’s shouting curses and promises, “I’m going to kill them” over and over. 

Illuso: He watches it alone. He smirks to himself because he thinks it’s from his s/o since they’re the only one outside his team who knows his location. He remains like this until he starts watching the video. One minute he’s sitting back, relaxing. The next minute he’s kneeling in front of the tv, sweating, and mouth gaping at what’s unfolding on the video. He instinctively summons his stand and tries to pull his s/o from the video. He’s done this in the past; he’s used his stand to get them away from a dangerous situation. This time, his hand is stopped by the tv screen. He refuses to watch the rest of the content, and falls back on his butt and sits cross-legged. He hides his face in his hand and contemplates his next actions. Anxiety and fury overcame him. He swallowed down his frustration and dusted himself off. He wasn’t going to let this break him because he knew what the advantages his stand gave him and he was going to exploit them. He had every intention in finding where the video was filmed and exterminating anyone who got in his away and anyone who was involved. He needed that satisfaction for his own sake and for the sake of his s/o who he hoped was still alive.

Melone: When he gets the video, he’s carefree about it. He doesn’t give it any thought until the end of the day. He’s humming as he pushes it into his VCR and casually sits back to watch it. As the video progresses, Melone leans forward, laces his fingers, elbows on knees to support him. He watches with a cold, calculated and pensive stare. He forces himself to watch the whole thing and once it’s over, he remains in his place, unmoving, for nearly an hour. After much time has passed, he gets up and stretches. After, he stands there, staring at nothingness, his eyes locked onto the corner of his room but his mind elsewhere. He’s been alone in the darkness of his room for a while now. He eventually makes his move, grabbing the video and tossing it into a plastic bag. He barges out of his room and passes the living room to head outside; he ignores his teammates' calls; he has more pressing matters to take care of. He intends to trace the video back to the owner and intends to use Babyface to its full extent to accomplish this. He hopes to capture them alive so he can have some payback.

Ghiaccio: Once he’s done watching it. There is no reaction from him. He’s sitting there for several minutes before he gets up and walks out the door. The entire base feels the temperature drop. In fact, all of Naples is experiencing a 180-degree shift in the weather. No one would guess Ghiaccio’s stand had that short of range, to encompass a whole city but Ghiaccio himself has never experienced this sort of anger before. The video kept replaying over and over in his head, and he felt his head throb from all the negative emotions developing inside him. He attacked many people, civilian and gangster. He would be approached and he’d unintentionally freeze them as soon as they got close to him. He didn’t know what he was searching for. He didn’t have a lot of go by, but he knew it was done by someone in Passione. That was enough for him to start his search. Regardless of what he’d be labeled as for attacking those within the organization didn’t matter to him. He just wanted to inflict others with the anguish he was experiencing.

[abbachiosteaparty]

Model AU Headcanons - La Squadra Edition

Pesci

- Pesci is the photographer of the agency

- he does all the in house work with the models

- most importantly; he baby

- he is a soft boy who just wants to help as much as he can

- Pesci actually does a lot other than photography, he helps wherever he can

- he got his job because Pro felt bad when he was struggling to find a job

- his resumé was his instagram profile 

- while he is talented at taking hot photos of the boys, his true passion lies in nature photography

- Pesci therefore loves taking photos wherever they go away

Risotto

- Ris is their headlining model, so beautiful

- he isn’t mad about modelling, he finds it a little demeaning but money is money

- Ris tries to avoid jobs that requires him modelling bright clothes, bright make-up is okay

- he prefers modelling make-up or formal clothes

- Ris wants to be picky about jobs but he needs the money

- a lot of business associates tend  not to deal with him as he is difficult to read

Melone

- Melone deals with the company's social media but he wants to start modelling

- he enjoys posting behind the scenes posts, sneaky pics he or Pesci have taken

- all the posts he makes are just hyping the boys up

- insists that all their jobs get freebies when reaching out to associates

- he has to physically stopped from being horny on main

Illuso

- he does the boy’s make-up + chooses their outfits when doing promotional shoots

- when their on a job Illuso comes along to more or less criticise the stylists

- ‘that eyeshadow… With his skin..? Okay then…’

- he believes that he knows best for them

- resident bitch

- he does his best to make his models as hot as possible

Formaggio

- he is the other resident model

- he is way more flexible than Riz is

- he will take literally any job; normally he just takes the jobs that Riz doesn’t want

- Formaggio loves doing any job with a big designer brand, it means the world to him

- ‘Guys, I’m wearing g u c c i’

- he flexes on Melone all the time, it never stops

- Formaggio only got hired because he wouldn’t leave Riz alone about it

Prosciutto

- he is technically Riz and Formaggio’s agent but in reality he just holds everything together

- Pro ends up so stressed

- ‘no one has any jobs and Melone is so close to lewding everyone for cash’

- he hates having to mother everyone except Pesci

- Pro smokes outside with Riz, they bond out there

- Pro can’t remember how he got into this business but it happened unfortunately

- it’s his dream to quit but he knows that he’d miss it (somewhat at least)

Ghiaccio

- he is the paid-unpaid intern

- he hates being the odd job guy

- it’s all Melone’s fault he has this life, but he can’t complain, he has a job

- Ghiaccio’s number 1 job seems to be going on a food run at this point

- he has everyone’s order’s memorised for fast food joints, cafés etc.

- he hates this

- Ghiaccio is the only thing standing between Melone and being horny on main

- he does get brownie points from Pro as he focuses on his job though

[squadrah]

Hmm if you don't mind can you do Sorbet and Gelatos' (or their separate) everyday lives? You have them as more dynamic characters so I'm sure you have a day to day for them. Just reading back and re-realized that they didn't have one. Thank you!

Thank you! I was hoping someone would send an ask, because reading back on the individual days of the big seven, and well, seeing my CuriousCat drafts in their original state, I sometimes left these two out even when the whole gang was being asked about, or there would have been place for remarks... so I shall now fill these gaps with a loosely joined average day for Sorbet and Gelato!

These two have varied morning hours depending on how active they had been the night before, though Gelato is far better with mornings than Sorbet, and will usually be up before him. Sorbet will get properly dressed to present himself properly, while Gelato had been known to go down in various states of readiness, including just underwear one time when he only dipped below to grab some food to have breakfast in bed with Sorbet. No matter when they wake up, they never miss Formaggio's morning newscast, and they will join any discussions going on.

If they go to Prosciutto's office hours, it is always either because Gelato wants to say hi or Sorbet wants to give him a shopping list and vouchers or coupons if he has any (he hates going shopping because he gets too anxious about pinching pennies on the spot, so this is the safest alternative). For this reason the others let both go ahead because it's quick.

Gelato sometimes goes shopping with the others, but only when Sorbet makes it clear that he needs either more rest or some quiet time, which he almost always uses to tend to his plants and those scattered about the apartment, with the exception of anything in the courtyard. Gelato then goes with Prosciutto and whoever else tags along, and if it's just the two of them, he will absolutely bully Prosciutto into a round of hot noodles at Porca Puttanesca, a little family owned restaurant I invented because it tickles me. If Gelato and Sorbet spend the morning together, Gelato will follow Sorbet around and do chores with or for him. They then eat lunch together at the base or if Gelato is being taken care of in town, Sorbet will latch onto Risotto and eat with him.

After lunch, Gelato likes to take a nap and Sorbet uses that time to read or finish his more silent chores. Merenda is always eaten together, and after that, the two usually hit the town regardless of what everyone's plans are. If nobody's coming, it's a date! If others are going out and planning something fun, it's a group activity! Gelato will insist on going to a bar for a couple drinks at the end no matter what, in preparation for dinner.

For dinner they usually return to the base, because there is always some banter or party games taking place afterwards, and Gelato would never miss the opportunity. They play cards without actually betting any money, so Sorbet likes to join in, and afterwards they will both linger to drink and smoke as long as the others do.

From that point on wards things depend on how much energy and sanity they have left: if Gelato drank a lot, they usually drag their asses to bed, but if he was good about it and still has some stamina to burn, they tend to dip outside and either go stargazing, dancing at the gay bar, or decide to do something really stupid and then dash home. They fool around a lot on most nights, and sleep varied hours depending on just how much they let loose.

[jellyluchi]

Ok don't laugh but last night I remembered that before I started shipping with Pros I had daydreams that sort of followed a storyline with him???? And I thought now that I have Focaccia it would be fun to make an AU that plays out those similar events.

The basic gist is that... Melone has been experimenting with Baby Face and he keeps vials of all his team mates blood samples. It is actually possible for him to synthesize human babies (not just Baby Face Jrs) and for his first synthetic human baby he decides to choose two random vials of blood. And those two happen to be Pros and Focas...

So he holds a team meeting where he's like "lol here's your baby that you didn't order". Focaccia has been on the team for a little while. Maybe a year or two at most and she's pretty chill with entire team. Howver, she doesn't wanna have a fucking baby with any of them. So she's thoroughly confused and demands answers. She's not about to take care of a baby she didn't even birth (it's a cute baby though). She should be used to how weird Melone can be despite being a genius but she's still repulsed by the idea. But she doesn't like the idea of giving it away, or worse... Killing it...because it will need a home. If Melone is telling the truth she needs to take responsibility.

She asks who the father is and promptly assumes its Melone and it's one of his scary schemes. But is then informed the father is Pros, much to everyone's shock. Focaccia is actually pretty relieved because I'd she'd chosen anyone to be the father of her baby it would probably be a person who is half as responsible as Prosciutto. Even though he doesn't want to accept it at first. He demands some DNA tests which Melone agrees to ad even when the tests come out positive he's quite mad at Melone for doing such a thing. He actually isn't yet good with children and doesn't know how he feels about having one with a team mate. Worse, he doesn't think children are good for this profession at all and he doesn't know how much he can protect his baby.

But he can't deny that the child is beautiful and he did want to be a father some day, if he ever got out of the mafia. In fact, he knew he probably could never untngle himself from his situation and accepted he would never be one so when he's thrust into the position he doesn't know what to do. In contrast to Focaccia who sort of has accepted her motherhood and is already trying to learn from Melone how to take care of a baby. He's afraid to hurt his own child, to accidentally drop it but Focaccia has a silent confidence in him whenever she hands him the baby and one time tells him "it's okay I know you won't drop him because you're his father, and fathers are much too careful with their own children."

They fall into a safe little routine where Prosciutto comes home from work and goes to see his baby and wife team mate. And takes care of it while Focaccia does what she needs to and they try to share the responsibility as much as possible. She demanded he stop smoking in the LS safe house or completely and because of the baby's presence he accepts. She mostly stays in the safe house to take care of their baby but sometimes when Proscoitto agreed to stay home she goes out to work too. As much as they would like to rely on LS, they can't trust anyone outside of Pesci to take care of their kid without running off to work.

One time Proscoitto is out on the field with Formaggio who was smoking and out of habit asks Formaggio for a smoke and says "don't tell her," before lighting it. And Formaggio uses the chance to tease him saying "what? Don't tell your wife? Yeah, alright" and it always makes Prosciutto go red whether with anger or embarrassment no one knows. "She's not my wife" he has to say every single time. Sometimes Prosciutto hurries home and Illuso takes the opportunity to ask "off to see your wife?" Earning a middle finger from said man. But it's just too easy to tease him when he acts like they're married and doesn't even realize it. Eventually they do marry. And have a second baby that's concieved in a more...common way.