#probably wont but its an interesting thought
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//soriku endgame rant in 3 2 1
okay so i’m currently 2/3 hours in on my rewatch of the video essay “Riku is gay and why it matters” by Tennelle and gosh i need a space to rant.
before this video i havent actually realized just how heavy soriku is, i legit thought it was a joke and i was delusional but like holy shit? And what makes it better it’s mutual unlike some queer ships out there that usually goes one way even if it’s heavy on riku side.
what makes it even crazier is how consistent this was spanning from multiple games? And how kairi who we thought was the love interest is getting further and further away from that concept while soriku has a very solid ground.
will nomura make them canon? Idk? Maybe? I dont want to get my hopes up but its deffo an aspect that is mutually, reciprocated !!! And the implications that kairi isnt the love interest?? And the radio silence from nomura????? That’s some green flags?
but tbh idk, it probably wont be canon either because they dont have the balls, or the series gets cancelled, or sora ended up being maried to kairi and riku is married to namine tp start kingdom hearts shippuden, or maybe its always gonna stay as subtext.
because of homophobia obviously, if kh mde their characters canonically queer theyre gonna lose income with less sales (hopefully not 😭) but with the state of queer medias nowadays, im okay with soriku being subtext. Their love is the most pure form of it.
But i mean its called kingdom hearts, so is it really far stretched to tell a story about love?
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My deepest, darkest shame as a feminist, is that I sometimes daydream of a "normal" life (normal as in what the heteronormative society consider that to be)
Im nearing 30 and have never had a partner and I feel so incredibly lonely. I think I would be better if I had a strong female circle, but most of my friends are in relationships; they are moving in with their partners, getting married, having children and I realized that I will never ever again be a priority in their lives.
I know I wont ever be a mother, and that I probably will never be a wife, but I cant help of wish that I was able to just have live that normal life that everyone else around me is living.
Its hard to prioritize the women in your life and a life without men, when those women wont do the same.
I understand how you feel and the biggest way to escape isolation is to not be around men, or women who belong to men. And when I say that, it’s not about women who are in relationships, it’s in their mindset. Even women who have been single for years can be boy crazy, it’s super toxic and will make you feel lonelier than even being alone.
Finding women that prioritize themselves and other women and cultivating that network will help so much. For me, outdoor activities like surfing or female hiking groups were the best places to find these women, but you can tailor it to your interests.
I also thought maybe I should try living a normal life and wondered if I’d be happier, a few years ago. Met a great looking man, started dating, met his family, got along well with him… still wasn’t happy. Still felt alone in conversations with him, and could tell he’d never understand me in the way that I needed to be understood. Sometimes what is appealing is only so because it seems far away and unattainable. Once you finally have it… it loses its luster. Hope you find a way to build your life in a way that cultivates the most growth and happiness for you, I’m rooting for ya girl! ❤️ No one has it figured out but we just need to keep trying and what is good for us will stick
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pokemon uranium au??? i guess????
i didnt vibe with any of the protags so i just. used sylph. spent a day editing the sprites and everything vnsldfhks i used their reborn design for the sprites bc i didnt go 'hey maybe i should edit it since theyre younger' until it was too late so im just drawing it instead (somewhat based of uraniums nb protag)
anyway this game feels so short after being used to reborn/rejuv length games lmfao. enjoyed it a lot tho! the fakemon are cool
#does it make sense lore wise. no but im just living my best life#even if that means shoving one protag im fixated on into everything lmao#pokemon uranium#pokemon reborn#nucleon#(i was gonna give them a sylveon like in reborn but nucleons busted so yeah lol)#digital art#oc: sylph (reborn)#ykno. uranium could almost be used as a pre-reborn backstory#probably wont but its an interesting thought#in which case it turns out the glow anna saw around the protag was just radiation abvjkshgbvdkjh#wh i forgot my art tag again whats happening#blazingart
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And today on hsr-hi3 expy stuff that sounds extremely concerning and suspicious if you know the right context, but normal otherwise: Sushang is at it again!
Apparently, she was taking sword lessons before she was even taught how to read. I was curious about whether her mom was going to be abusive towards her like in hi3 after she talked about her in the Aurum Alley event, and between her ch story part 4 and this, I'm leaning towards yes.
I was also wondering if Suyi would ever be playable, seeing as she basically has the same amount of character depth as Feima (hi3 Yanqing), and the fact that Sushang is bringing her up the moment Yaoqing characters were added gives me some hope.
#ever since playing the 7s vn#(not that im done yet but still)#my interest in sushang has skyrocketed#from not giving a shit about her#to being super interested in her#its amazing#how much sus stuff u can catch#about her and suyi and that dam sword#when u know li sushangs lore#my only worry with playable suyi#knowing hoyo#is that it could mean not acknowledging#that she abused her#on the other hand#i would love it if suyi was still huas kid/disciple#like they were in hi3#and thats why her parenting is that shitty#bc it would be fun to explore#i could honestly make a full analysis#on sushang and suyi#and their hi3 related stuff#but this blog was always just supposed to be#a dump for my negative thoughts#so probably wont#honkai star rail#hsr#sushang hsr#hsr sushang#hsr suyi#suyi hsr
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Old draft i found and wanted to post!!!
monodeku AU fic idea thing where people can fuse (like steven universe gem fusing minus the gems) but ONLY if they have a strong emotional bond.
its their second year of highschool, and the two are friends (monoma swears they arnt). they bonded over their shared appreciation for quirks and such.
At some point they are on patrol and izuku's danger sense goes off for some reason (maybe something falling, maybe a villan idk, haven't thought of the details) so he grabs monoma in a panic to help him avoid the danger.
but instead of moving him they accidentally fuse.
after the initial panic of "oh god what why did we fuse" (mostly from monoma) they have to head back to campus. but the issue is, they don't know how to unfuse.
another thing, i came up with their fusion quirk!!
Its called "copy and paste". basically, it works like copy but the user can give the copies to other people as well as using the copies themselves. the time limit still applies for the copy and the paste.
#monodeku#monoma neito#neito monoma#izuku midoriya#midoriya izuku#mha#bnha#I actually came up with the quirk idea before the fusion idea#i just realized that it would fit their fusion really well#they do unfuse eventually#but then that leads to some interesting conversations and feelings#how i feel after coming up with the best fic ideas but never writing them#Since fusion is a product of strong emotional bonds i bet monoma thought he wouldn't fuse with anyone like ever#and izuku “i have horrible self esteem” midoriya thought the same thing for himself#but for slightly different reasons#monoma and his “im a shitty person and people dont like me so i wont ever fuse”#and izuku with his “people probably find me annoying and ill be too busy being a hero to fuse”#the strong emotional bond can be platonic or romantic btw#in this context its romantic#theres alot of pining#and slowburn in this#and misscomunication#these fucks cannot talk to eachother about serious things for the life of them#imagine the teachers finding out#“okay so you fused” “yes” “#also thinking they might be 5#since monoma is 5#anti bakugou
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Alright gamers!!!! New dupe icons have been obtained, so now I shall!!! Share them!!!!
Very important note! These guys seem to be part of the next dlc, and as such they are likely incredibly prone to change or even to being scrapped entirely. This is just a showcase of some of the stuff I was able to find while datamining, and it should not be taken as stuff that will guaranteed be in game in the future.
Anyways! Enjoy your datamined dupes under the cut >:3
Starting with this fella, Chip!
Description: This Chip is extremely good at guessing their friends' passwords.
This one is Edwiredo
Description: This Edwiredo once rolled his eye so hard he powered himself off and on again.
This is Gizmo
Description: Gizmos love nothing more than a big juicy info dump.
This one is Steela! They're my personal favorite
Description: Steelas aren't programmed to put up with nonsense, but they do enjoy the occasional shenanigan.
I got these from the sprite sheets, so forgive the other sprite intruding on lovely Sonyar's icon
Description: Sonyars would sooner burn down the colony than read an instruction manual.
And lastly, Ulti!
Description: The only dance move this Ulti knows is The Robot.
Here's some bonus stuff I found in the files! Just got you! (Again note that this stuff is very prone to being changed or scrapped)
The new duplicants seem to be a new type of duplicant called bionic duplicants. They are a mix of organic and inorganic components, so my cyborg dupe theory does indeed seem to be correct! It seems like they have power banks and oxygen tanks that will need managed, and they seem to require oil to operate as well. As time goes on, a new material called gunk will build up in their systems, and they will need to visit something called the gunk extractor to be cleaned up. Their oxygen tanks also allow them to work in low oxygen environments, and it can be assumed that they won't need sleep, and potentially not even need food. They also seem to be able to install booster packs that increase their skills, and can come with preinstalled booster packs with some on print traits, including one that allows them to locate undiscovered geysers (which doesn't sound super useful tbh but it's still neat)
#rat rambles#oxygen not included#again I shall reiterate that this is unreleased stuff! prone to change! prone to being scrapped! dont forget that!#but! I am more interested in these guys than I thought Id be due to some of the lore that seems to be going on with them that I shall not#share yet since again its super duper prone to change and I don't want to accidentally spread misinformation by doing so#oh also there appears to be a new type of oil called phyto oil which is extracted from slime#this can also be used to oil up a bionic dupe and prrsumably for other stuff as well but I havent dug into the new buildings yet#so yeah all in all I found WAY more shit than I was expecting to find in the qol beta lol#if I were a more skilled dataminer Id see if I could piece together the actual fullbody sprites for the new dupes but Im not so I wont#Im not even sure if those components are there tbh? I didn't check woops#Ill check later it doesnt rly matter to me much rn#but yeah I assume there'll probably be lots of additional stuff in the full dlc this is just the stuff I stumbled across#Im not very good at the whole datamining thing too so Im sure I missed a Lot of new shit#but with all this stuff sitting in the files I assume we're probably going to hear some word abt the new dlc within the next few months#so look forward to that ig#excited to see what this dlc entails and I hope we get more of the jackie family drama I am digging it so hard#also calvin. calvin my boy please come home
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#not feeling so great as of lately#i thought it was just that i was thinking about stuff at a too late of a time yesterday but now its morning and i still feel bad#sure i slept very badly so maybe its still that but idk it still doesnt feel great no matter what the reason is#i feel like. so annoying lately#and like yea maybe i am and it shouldnt matter yk like all that ur allowed to be annoying and just be urself and whatever#but it just of takes a lot out of u when u t talk about ur interests or ur day or smth ands like everyone just brushes it off or ignores u#and obviously im probably being dramatic like this is a busy time of the year!#and its not always about me and like other ppl have their reasons to do what they do u know#but it still feels bad :'))#also this isnt about like anyone specific its like a combination of little things that FEELS bad to ME not a thing someone else does#like i know ppl dont have to care about stuff yk i like that i KNOW they dont care about so like what do i expect#and i dont ever know what to say to stuff idk anything about either so its very understandable#but its took me years to like. talk about things i like without prompting so it feels like a big hit when i dont get any reaction back fsgsh#and thats not trying to blame anyone else either its not anybody elses fault im not good at something#i think my kind of insecurity is showing one of my friends had to reassure me that yes they do want to hear how im doing fsgsh#but im thankful for that it feels good to hear when ur feeling kind of unstable with ur relationships fshsh#also since i am feeling like. unstable on EVERY relationship i suspect its just seasonal depression or stress or something#still wont stop the brain from like trying to blame itself lmao#this is kind of stupid idk what im trying to even say here#my post#vent#maybe ill delete it later?? this feels stupid
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I feel a bit wary saying this because it doesn't feel quite real yet, but! had my last week of college classes last week. I still have to get through my last exam period but it's very odd to think this degree is almost over and done with. many thoughts about it in general.
#vi rambling#well. TIME TO RAMBLE#I think degrees in general are a very normalized stage of life but it felt so abnormal to me to go through so i thought id#share my thoughts. because theyre complicated!#i chose a degree solely based on my interests. which may haven't been the smartest choice all in all#considering i dont think it'll grant me any job opportunities and well.#considering my main aspirations is to Create some sorta something it at the very least widened my breadth of knowledge.#but i have to admit im mostly very frustrated. because while its obviously natural to laser focus on studies#my creativity's really stagnated over the last 3-4 years. kinda feels like i wasted my time on something and kinda missed the train whateve#that means. idk. art history was a lot more rewarding than film thats for sure because film theory is unfortunately mostly complete bs.#and honestly every year of college was a complete disaster on a personal note i dont feel like getting into but each year was surrounded by#so many bad circumstances that the fact its gonna be over feels like. it isnt over until its over. im still scared something will pop up an#will suddenly yet again fuck things up for me and this degree Wont happen. idk.#but yeah mostly i an very much looking forward to practical art studies. something to actually idk. make me feel like#im making the most out of myself. instead of trapping it under mountains of collegework. and stagnating#will probably be deleted later idk what im getting at writing this here. disillusionment or whatever
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i may not be able to open posts from my notes or messages or get more context on posts via looking at the notes, but at least i can make fucked up coffee properly now
#toy txt post#while i was away i began my journey into coffee snobbery. im doing my best. i have a lot to learn#i have a fancy hand grinder that all the ppl on reddit hemmedvand hawed andaid it would probably be somewhat#Acceptable for pour over coffee that I got for less than $100. i want you to understand the coffee grinder ppl are insane.#there are grinders for sale that cost like more than my car did brand new. these ppl are insane? i got a chemex pour over#and a glass stovetop gooseneck kettle cos i couldnt find an electric kettle that didnt have the metal touching the water. prolly cos it#would make them less energy efficient and defeat the purpose but i dont fuck w metal water vessels cos historically They Keep Betraying Me#by making my drinks taste like ass. i got some genetic fuckery going on ig. like the cilantro soap gene but its the metal makes water taste#like ass gene? idk. but i wanted a kettle that didnt have metal and i wanted that gooseneck pour so i found one on Amazon. surprisingly#hard to find? annoying. mostly bc every search engine is bad and kept showing me metal kettles anyway. i got a grinder i got a pour over i#got a kettle i got fancy beans from a local small business i started drinking it black. im going to unlock these flavors. i will get it#but also. im still a goblin. i put garlic powder in with the grounds and made garlic coffee. its interesting. it tastes like garlic. and#coffee. but actually the garlic is mostly an aftertaste?#so it feels very similar to drinking a cup of black coffee to accompany your garlic bread actually. the first time i made it i think it#underextracted the coffee tho. second time i extracted the coffee enough but i didnt like it as much? both times. fascinatingly#i did not get strong aromas! which was weird: i find both garlic and coffee have pretty strong scents already#i wouldve thought combining them would make it stronger? it was a little stronger while brewing the second time but smelled good to me#i find the flavor of it compelling enough that id like to try to refine it a bit more and see if i can make it good#ive come a long way since my first garlic coffee haha#(adding garlic salt to black coffee out of a keurig. dont reccomend this: garlic salt has too much salt and it overpowers everything.#could not get a garlic flavor without overpowering salt flavors. so it mostly tasted like seawater with a hint of coffee. garlic powder is#the way to go. anyway next i want to try it with a lighter roast. i was using medium roast#of a local brand that i would name for exposure but wont name lest it doxxes me haha#also want to try egg coffee sometimes? the vietnamese one. looks..intriguing. robusta beans scare me a little tho#anyway. if youre interested in interesting flavors i recc garlic coffee. it was intriguing. if i find a methodology i think tastes best#ill update yall#im also interested in other things. i want to experiment with spicy coffee. chili powder or cayenne#make the paprika dracula coffee haha#im also admittedly intrigued by butter coffee? as a flavor profile tho not for fad diet reasons.
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augh i have so many hcs in my head but alas im embarrassed to like this fandom so no one gets to know <3
#camera talks#i Know cringe is dead but like. this is my podcast + time loops + occasional video game etc blog#not my actually sorta weird* interest to have blog so there are quite a few fandoms i dont post about actually#* kiddish/Not horror fiction podcasts so like. anything i like in that range#(yes i know i could post it but like. no one follows me for my opinions on [redacted] so its okay i wont put that on your dash lmao)#maybe ill make a sideblog or something (probably not) cuz i do have a lot of thoughts about some of these things lol#anyways.#ive been quite the ramblerrr today. inch resting#ive had such a day in general. whatever tho <3
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idk if it's genuine excitement or the energy drink i had earlier that's actually letting me focus and work but dude. i am CRUSHING this essay. this is Fun To Write. i think i'm actually doing a really good job here. wtf. i love my major man
#i am a LITTLE bit sad i cant do grad school bc like. im going to miss writing essays and researching and all once i graduate#i do genuinely like doing it. call me a nerd or whatever but i love it esp when its on smth fun and interesting like this#now im not sad enough to actually DO grad school lmao#unless i got offered a scholarship or smth idk. wont happen but. hm. if it did.#seriously tho. i would think more seriously abt it if it werent for my adhd. i just dont think its realistic for me#as much as i like my field i dont think i have the ability to focus well enough to complete the work id need to complete#i went to the meeting abt grad school i learned abt what it requires/why people do it and all. i just dont think i can do that#and bc i ultimately cant get diagnosed -> cannot get help/medication thats not going to improve any time soon#after years of learning how to adapt and work with my brain this is probably the best i can do without medical/institutional intervention#its not worth paying a shitload of money and possibly setting my career back by years only to fail out yk?#im not too torn up abt it. ill give it more thought if it becomes relevant but rn its not really on my radar#ive done an excellent job in school! im getting an honours degree (hopefully)! most people dont even get that far#a lot of people with my condition dont even get into university let alone graduate. im incredibly lucky to be able to do what i can#levi.txt#this is all over the place but takeaway is im having a good time! things are coming together i feel confident in my work#im gathering theorists and sources for the section on night of the living dead and having a blast#ive got my examples all lined up my arguments make sense in my head i know where to look for applicable theories etc etc#i just need supporting quotes and im working on that rn!! it hasnt even been that hard#ok. back to work. i need to harness the power of caffeine once more (made my brain quiet) (no longer full of bees) (im in charge)
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i keep getting irrationally miffed at ppl 😐😐
#'impressed by how much u can talk abt this considering youve not played either game'#fuck off. as if im not just trying to show interest bc u + another friend are both into them + constantly talk abt them in our gc!!#i mean since u guys talk abt them all the time + theyre huge on tumblr like. it would be hard for me to not know anything abt them at all#literally what else can i talk to u guys abt anyway. i dont think there are any interests i personally have that they both gaf abt#if anything they actively dislike most of the things im hyperfixated on. or at least she does so like i cant bring that up can i.#all i did was share a post i saw on tumblr that i thought was funny. its not like i had some negative/controversial opinion#i just saw it and thought hey that makes me think of my friends bc they like those things maybe theyll find it funny too!!#dog sitting outside the door with rly big sad eyes offering them a stick i found in a puddle#i like listening to them talk and i will eventually play some of the games theyre into myself cuz they make them sound rly cool#and even if theyre not my kind of thing i like sharing interests with other ppl and sometimes thats enough for me to be able to enjoy it#i literally own some of them already but im just not in the mental space to start smth new right now. which i have SAID!!!!#why do u even care girl. as if u dont already have a ton of friends playing it that ur talking to abt it???? i wont have anything to add#and thats not gonna stop u from being able to talk to me abt it anyway????? like 2/3 of our conversations atm are abt bg3#man. i know its not that deep but it makes me kinda sad for some reason. im just trying. i guess next time ill just let u guys talk-#to each other or at me and not comment or say anything so u can pretend im not here or whatever it is u want#ughh. she probably didnt even mean it like that and ill feel stupid for getting annoyed and delete this later but whatever.#might work out early today and then i can like draw or play a game or smth the rest of the day. alright lets go#.vent#listening to my silly little jfunk/jazz/soul playlist and i already feel over it. healing
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Once I have a job and some spare money I am sooo tempted to put $85 toward one of those rainbow parachutes you'd play with as a kid at school. I mean, the parachute has about 18 handles, I have roughly 10 friends with the whimsy to participate plus myself. Maybe???
#or wait i DO have a job i forgot about that#but once i make money from it#also yes the post describing the queer umbrella as this reminded me of my interest in this#ok i keep editing this to add more tags but i just thought#it would probably be a stupid one time use thing so i could give it to a school or daycare or library or something#i mean i probably wont even end up doing this because. its kinda dumb. but it would be fun no???#well we'll see
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okay one thing i do appreciate about the show so far is that they are competing as groups. if i read the rules right the prize at the end is a concert for the top 6(?) groups, and it's not a situation where they'll be split up to form a temporary boy group at the end. (cmiiw bc i very well could have read the explanation wrong). already i think that makes it less stressful than the unit
#thats the thing thats always kind of bothered me about the unit + idols of active groups going on pd101 etc#is that they do get split up#and like if an individual does make the final lineup does it really help the og group as a whole?#it might bring some more attention to them but the main interest is the member in the temp group#who wont even be with the og group while the temp group is active#the only example of this actually possibly benefiting the og group i can think of is nuest#maybe there are other examples#but it always just seemed like a longshot and not really benefitial to the group as a whole most of the time#like it was so stressful as a tk watching the unit bc on one hand i wanted the members to do well and end up in the group#but also i knew if one of them did if probably wouldnt be a good thing for td promotions#not that we really got any td promotions after that anyway it was only 1 jp single#but i remember when i watched kingdom i thought that i wish the setup for the unit was more like that#and peak time is exactly the kind of thing i wanted#its a shame xt/td is gone and bjoo is just part of the mixed group(? idk how thats gonna work yet im sure ill find out)#but i really hope the other groups on this show get more recognition through the show#im sure not all of them will esp those that get eliminated right away#but i hope some good comes out of it#im gonna continue ep 2 tomorrow#im not actually planning on liveblogging the whole thing i just happened to have Thoughts™#melia.txt
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It’s thinking about Bobby hours and we already know Bobby says shit about his eating habits for the sake of making himself look like a more compassionate person but I like to think that Bobby has sensory issues with food and that’s how all of it starts. He finds it difficult to tell people that he doesn’t like certain textures or has off days with some textures and sometimes people don’t listen to him when he does try to explain so he finds it easier to just tell people he has specific dietary requirements. Because somehow people respect that more.
So on days when meat feels too rubbery? That’s alright he can tell people he’s pescatarian. Fish feels too fishy and wrong in his mouth? Aight, he’s vegetarian now. Red meat tastes too stringy and bloody the thought of having it in his mouth makes him sick? Suddenly he doesn’t eat red meat. The salad is too crunchy and the tomatoes are too squishy? That’s fine, he doesn’t eat vegetables anyway. Usually, it’s red meat and specific vegetables he avoids but he finds that vegetarian meals (that aren’t salad) are usually fine on his tongue so he’d frequently say he’s vegetarian and the boys really just roll with it and adapt to whatever food requirements Bobby decides on that day.
and on the day of the orpheum Bobby was completely fine with meat which is why Luke called him out before leaving but also he says hes vegetarian so often anyway and thats why Reggie easily calls him one before this band is back
#yes i'm projecting#bobby shaw#julie and the phantoms#jatp#sometimes its easier to tell ppl im vegetarian than tell them i only eat halal meat and sometimes i dont like the texture of meat anyway#and that is where this came from#.... okay i was hesitant to add this up there but tw disordered eating/eating disorder#more projecting but okay his sensory issues probably have given bobby an... interesting little relationship with food#whereby some days not eating would be easier than trying to find something that doesn't feel gross in his mouth#for extra angst imagine how bad that would get after the orpheum like????#the taste of blood on the red meat probably wont be a purely sensory thing anymore#i will probs only talk about this in tags bc as fun as it always is to talk about sensory issues with food and project about that#ED stuff risks bad thoughts so I'm not gonna think any further into that lmao#i ramble
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The piano. It is approaching.
#by which i mean its supposed to arrive a day early. a day early being tomorrow.#which is fortunate in that now that ive made the somewhat questionable financial decision of purchasing a piano#im suddenly very impatient to get my hands on said piano.#and i know ill probably want to learn more about actual technical details and music theory and refresh my sight reading at some point#but i also fully expect that when i first get it ill just be powering through songs a little bit at a time until i can play them decently#because i am physically incapable of starting developing new skills from the beginning#i have to just. start at whatever I'm interested in or it wont happen. so.#mypost#i am. so bad at being interested in things without being completely obsessed with them.#but its a digital piano that can connect to headphones so at least i dont have to worey about pissing off neighbors in the dead of night#*worry#no thoughts only piano#i really did not realize how much i desperately wanted to play a fucking instrument apparently#in related news the piano subreddit is very helpful
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