#probably will delete this later as it’s kinda mean

[all-pacas]

hot take: i absolutely do not understand why people like 13/cameron. they literally never speak. it is so token gays (and cameron isn’t even gays. it’s so uwu make pretty boys kiss). i don’t even think they would enjoy dating one another, because 13 resists any attempts at giving up independence and would be halfway across the country the second cameron tried to Fix her. like we briefly see them interact in the itch and that seems like such a microcosm. cameron wants to be respected as the house whisperer and 13 is just sarcastic and inpatient back. cameron would hate 13’s aloof shtick. cameron needs to be in control so badly and 13 would never give her an inch. she dumped foreman because he made dinner plans. like i really do feel like people can ship what makes them happy and it doesn’t hurt me any. if you like it good for you! sincerely! but it drives me crazy when i see tags like oh they are canon, oh they make such sense — no they’re just the only two Pretty Young Girls.

[capricioussun]

I was really thinking about if I would ever be comfortable merging my art accounts and I don't think I will. At least not unless I did a full rebrand which I'd really rather not since I'm very happy with how things are situated now.

But I think it boils down to acceptance seeking. I've been socially isolated for a very long time and it's difficult. Even back when I first started drawing au stuff years ago, I contemplated making a separate blog for it because I knew how many ut fans didn't really like the aus. I didn't want to alienate any of the "audience" I'd already built but I also knew there would be a turning point I would just wind up barely posting on one account or the other and it would feel like trying to limp half the time on one leg and then limp the rest on the other, which would be pointless.

But with mirrorshipping (selfcest) being a much more universally contentious topic, I got worried it would only deter people even more. I certainly didn't want to lie about it, especially bc I don't associate it with prshipping the way some others do, so it's not really that im "ashamed" of it, or want to hide it, just that I know it's the kind of thing that's very likely to make some who just walked in turn right back around.

To some degree, as someone who hopes to one day make a career out of being an independent artist, it makes sense to prioritize "growth" over personal satisfaction, but on the other, I've always struggled to care about that sort of thing. Any time I've cared about "alienating" a potential "audience", it's always been more about personal acceptance. I don't want people to see one little aspect of myself or interests and judge me entirely based off of that, even though that's all anyone really can do on the internet. I don't take blocking personally, despite how the prior sentiment seems to contradict that, I get it, I block all the time too, for a variety of reasons. But if there's a chance there're others who don't really mind that I mirrorship, they just don't want to see it or have to block the tag, I don't want them to feel turned away or annoyed, and so I kept it all to a separate account.

There are a few other reasons I won't really get into, too, like how people often do associate it with prship, and how I don't really want to draw that type of a crowd to my main blog, either, but I know in my heart it's the acceptance/approval seeking that was the biggest motivator.

I really honestly wish I knew how to connect with others beyond just trying to "do things right" and hoping that earns me positive attention. I really wish I didn't always feel like my only chance at affection is to improve what I can offer in return.

[dreamtydraw]

Entering depressed dreamty wave era of the month, I’ll excuse myself for being moody, I randomly feel like crying on the floor.

[pixelatedraindrops]

Sorry to sound weird or negative here, but after spilling my inner emotions on a discord server I kinda wanna know.

Do you all enjoy what I do here?

Or do you find it repetitive and boring?

[xmoonlitxdreamx]

Why i am blocked oh my god i feel terrible 😭😭😭

Hi! I often block people if they post content I'm particularly not interested in or content that makes me uncomfortable (usually the latter). I block semi-liberally, so please try not to take it personally; I'm just trying to curate my experience on the internet to fit my personal comfort. We don't know each other so I'm not trying to say anything about you as a person by blocking you.

Not to get on my soap box about blocking, but I really encourage you and others to not take blocking personally. I've gotten blocked by artists whose works I like, and it's definitely shocking at first, and very tempting to get defensive or hurt by it. But for me it helps to keep in mind that the person blocking me has their own experience on the internet that they want to have and curate and it may be the case that the things I post happen not to be part of it; and likewise, I'm not obligated a right to view anyone's works if they don't want me to for whatever reason.

(Also please know that people are not obligated to give a reason for why they block, it's really not your business. Many people find it invasive and disrespectful of boundaries to message someone after they've blocked you. Just keep this in mind that other people will likely not react kindly to receiving a message from someone they blocked)

[skyward-floored]

What do you say to someone who leaves a comment on your fic and basically expects you to comment on theirs too

[peck2neck]

hiiii. heres the allohema logs from the wyatt dies au

putting it all under the cut since its preeeeetty long. the first two were written back in january while the third one was written recently

dunno what else to say soooo enjoy :]

Allo.Hema LOG_1

It's been about a day since I first discovered that Wyatt had gone missing. I don't think I ever could have seen it coming - things were fine a few days ago. I went over to visit, but he was more cheerful than usual. He was finally starting to open up, I think. Hell, I even managed to make him laugh, something I assumed that he was incapable of. He gave me a present before I left and I went back for the day. I wasn't able to visit for a while after, things get pretty busy during the holiday season but I managed to sneak out just after new years. But... He wasn't there. In fact, there was nothing but rubble. Charred metal lying limp around where the feint memory of a shack had been. I searched for hours to no avail. I couldn't find him anywhere, and I'm starting to believe that maybe... he- ...nevermind.

I brought Microwave back to the lab with me. It seems like she wasn't around when it.. happened. I checked her and she appears to be unscathed. I doubt I'll be able to keep her here for long, though. As soon as someone notices she's here I'll get in trouble and she'll get rehomed. I feel bad for the thing, she's just been staring at the door all day. It's obvious she wants to go back, but i can't let her - she doesn't know that no one is waiting there for her.

I should really throw his file away - I have no need for notes about Wyatt anymore but I... can't bring myself to do it. Not right now, at least. I'll keep them for a bit longer - just in case. Tomorrow I'll sneak out again, just one more time. I need to be sure. I need answers. It just doesn't make sense! I'm the only one who has had contact with Wyatt for YEARS, he basically confirmed it! Unless I had been followed? I doubt it was an accident, either. He may be arrogant but he sure as hell isn't stupid. It just.. doesn't add up. I'll watch my back tomorrow but I'm not sure what else I can do.

Allo.Hema LOG_2

I fixed up the flowerbeds while I was out there today. He never let me anywhere near them before, but someone has to tend to them. On that note, its been about over a week now, and there's still no sign of him. It would seem I have no choice but to believe that he's gone.. however I just can't. I said that I'd go back one more time, but for the past few days I've been returning over and over, desperate for a something, anything.... nothing. I've been tidying a few things while he's been absent - might as well pass the time. Some of his belongings seemed to survive, so I'm going to take them back to the lab with me - until he gets back, of course. It's pretty calm out here, all things considered. It's... quiet, there's a clear view of the sky and a slight breeze at my back. I suppose getting out of that building for a while is doing me some good.

I still haven't fully decided what to do with Microwave. No one has noticed that she's here, surprising considering I ordered so many cat toys.. ahem - I've been considering keeping her, to be honest. Wyatt cared a lot about Microwave, and I'd feel bad just.. giving her away with no guarantee that she'll be safe. Besides, she's taken a liking to me. My jacket is covered in cat hairs.. I hope no one is allergic, because I'm about to run out of spare ones.. More annoyingly, she keeps knocking everything off of my desk, even my tungsten cube! I used to wonder why Wyatt's tools were scattered on the floor, but I guess that's why. I don't mind the company, though. She curls up on my lap while I'm doing paperwork and I can hear a feint purr each time. She's adorable.. but I should get her to stop chewing the wires.

Looking back, he always seemed to be worried about me, specifically what my job was like. It always confused me why seemed so pushy about it despite him being so abrasive, though I slowly figured out why. We even talked about it one day, and I managed to assure him that i'll be fine. I'm already very aware of what the higher-ups think of me, and i've never trusted them for a second to be honest. I know they'll attempt to decommission me the moment I stop being... useful to them, but what's stopping me from leaving? I could always pack my things and leave the night before - information always gets back to me somehow, so I'd know. They'd never find me if I lay low somewhere, I've already removed that damned tracking chip ages ago, and I could continue my work for free, for those who need it somewhere else. Huh. It doesn't feel like a bad thing to consider, actually.. Hah, guess he was right. He knew what he was doing when he gave me that bag, I suppose.

I'll think about it. Maybe I could find some information out there, a lead to what happened to him - or maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.. I'll bide my time and bite my (metaphorical) tongue.

Allo.Hema LOG_3

I left. After 4 months I finally bit the bullet and.. ran away, i suppose. I'm currently laying low in Wyatt's old shack- what I could salvage of it anyways. The charred ground seems to have been washed away by the rain, but this place is still somewhat in a state of disarray despite my attempts to fix it. About a week was spent packing my things, going back and forth between my office and the scrapyard to drop off my stuff. I have enough supplies to last for a while on my own before I'll have to find some way of getting new ones. I'm not sure what I'll do after that.. but i have more important things to worry about at the moment. Microwave is with me, too. I made sure to stock up on food for her, though Wyatt always managed to get some for her so I doubt I'll have to worry too much about it. She seems glad to be back in the scrapyard, but she keeps searching for Wyatt. I guess we're both in the same boat.

The reason I left.. is because I found a lead. I spent all of those months trying to find something and for once I finally did. I think I've found what - or who - may be responsible for Wyatt's death.. or rather his disappearance. I knew he couldn't really be dead. Surely he's too stubborn for that. My research leads me to believe that theres.. someone behind everything that's happened to him. The issue is that I don't know how to locate it. All of my research for nothing. Again. But I still have to try, I can't rest knowing that he's out there.

I've never really tried.. building anything. I've watched Wyatt do it plenty of times and he made it look easy so it cant be THAT bad, right?? I have his old tools, so I guess I can practice by properly fixing this shack. All I did earlier was slide some scrap metal sheets on top of each other and called it a day. He always seemed to passionate about making things, even if he didn't want to admit it. Most of his belongings were salvaged scrap that was repurposed into something new. Surely I could do the same. It's starting to get darker now. When was the last time I saw the sunset? It's much more beautiful than I remembered. I guess not being stuck inside all the time really does have its upsides. I don't like my jacket being covered in dirt though, I'm not sure how I'm going to clean it.

I have an idea. I'm not sure if it will work, but i think it's worth a try. If it's successful, I might be able to get some answers. This may take months, even years to finish- but this creation will be what I need to find it. To find answers.

I have to get answers. I have to. I will find him.

[yooniesim]

the beige girlies are fighting

[arcsin27]

There are many reasons I should stop feeling bad for having a persona comship, but the funniest one I’ve come up with is that… this is persona. The bang your teacher franchise. It’s not like my stuff is any less moral than canon lol

[mistyechoes]

guys what if i.....stopped trying

[cloudbends]

I feel a bit wary saying this because it doesn't feel quite real yet, but! had my last week of college classes last week. I still have to get through my last exam period but it's very odd to think this degree is almost over and done with. many thoughts about it in general.

[paleangels13]

Helloo, I still exist did anyone even notice I was mostly gone lol

Anyone interested in ehhh...slightly unhinged work-related talk?

No?

Well. Too bad

Anyone that knows me irl please ignore the tags – I'm embarrassed ✨🥰

[starpros-sunshine]

See this is why I like enstars because usually the issue would be done now and I'd return back to my usual state of listless apathetic semi-detachement but now I'm invested in getting this card home and if I don't I will continue to be at least a bit sad about it isn't it fascinating how people work isn't it just marvelous that a mobile game can do that to you

[waywardsalt]

anyways. holding linebeck gently

[barkingangelbaby]

.

[luvrbunni]

im so horny right now good lord its not even funny my face is burning up and im kinda shaking a bit i literally feel sick i need to be fucked so bad