#probably didn't need to be said but yknow just in case

[fridayyy-13th]

oh so tonight's one of those Yearning nights, huh

[crippleprophet]

let me open by saying I Know How This Sounds (fem whose undergraduate chemistry professor recommended ze take turmeric to cure zyr arthritis, etc) so no hard feelings if you keep scrolling, but hopefully folks who know me know i'm speaking honestly about my experiences, even if those don't end up being the same for other people. so!

2 Tbsp of a common kitchen spice is doing as much or more to manage my ME/CFS as any of my meds or self-medicating drugs

@lakeeffectbitch outlines a way of trying this with a control in their reddit post (link); i just went directly to the one they thought might work so i'll put my experiences & the science/theory behind this under a cut for folks who want to avoid potential placebo effect :)

i'll get more specific about this in the "spoilers" but please be aware, especially folks with diabetes or other blood sugar conditions, that this substance may cause a blood sugar drop. it's less likely at this dose but probably keep a sugary snack on hand just in case

if you experience post-exertional malaise & want to try this but don't have spare money to spend on spices feel free to dm me & i'll see if i can help!

my experience:

i took 2 Tbsp ground sumac mixed with warm water on February 11. i tried taking it with a straw first because that's what my colonoscopy prep had said would make that go down easier but because the sumac particles were so big they didn't want to remain suspended & trying to get them in the straw was difficult, which then made it harder to swallow without, yknow, noticing that you're slurping down sediment

what worked better was getting the powder wet, putting a big clump of it on my tongue, then swallowing it with water like a pill

within about half an hour of taking the sumac it was like my fatigue just faded around me where i stood. it dissolved to the background & when i thought "oh i want to do this" or "i should do that" suddenly i found myself just doing it. i had spent the past week at least bedridden except for the bathroom, & though i took the sumac on a better day, i'd been planning to return to bed with a snack after taking it.

instead, i made myself lunch, and i sat on the couch to eat it. all of this was without taking an edible that day; usually i've gotta take at least 25mg delta 8 + 25mg cbd to even consider sitting on the couch. also, it was storming.

from my write-up the day of: "everything felt very sharp & clear & lucid." i washed the dishes from my lunch. all of these activities were about 2 hours, & at that point i emphatically needed a nap. waking up felt like after taking a muscle relaxer & sleeping: my muscles were more relaxed, & my whole body felt like it'd gotten a bit of a break

i've taken sumac at least 8 times since then on at least 5 different days (this time by modifying this sumac tart recipe to include a lot of sumac powder in the crust, which has been much more enjoyable than the Glass O' Sediment lmao) & adjusting for factors like weather, the effect has been comparable every time:

i watched Inception on the couch with my husband, & understood when she explained things to me

i watched leverage on the couch all day when it was below freezing

i worked a bit on fanfics i've barely been able to touch in a year

i "meal prepped" measuring spices, gathering ingredients, & soaking beans to make beans & rice in the instant pot later that day. i literally can't remember the last time i was able to use my instant pot, after thinking about it i think it was when i made palak paneer last summer, but that was a one-off special occasion thing, i've used it maybe 3 other times since developing ME

i wrote this post

the science:

okay a lot of this shit was over my head before i developed ME so i'm gonna be summarizing at my level lol, look to @lakeeffectbitch for a higher-level analysis

but what i do know! (all images from "The malic acid inhibiting inflammation in ankylosing spondylitis by interfering M1 macrophage polarization" by Ji et al., January 2025)

sumac contains high levels of malic acid, which is found in certain fruits (apples, peaches, etc)

the drugs.com page classifies malic acid as an inactive ingredient, so there are no known drug interactions

mice with ankylosing spondylitis had lower levels of peripheral malic acid than control mice

ID: bar graph showing mice with AS had about 0.03 micromoles per milliliter of peripheral malic acid, compared to the control mice level of over 0.2 micromoles per milliliter. the difference is labeled significant via asterisks. end ID

mice with higher malic acid concentrations had lower ESR and CRP (inflammation markers)

ID: two graphs showing lines with a downward slope. the top graph, ESR versus malic acid concentration, is labeled: r=-0.6802, 95% confidence interval =-0.8843 – -0.2578, p=-0.0053. the graph shows ESR, an inflammation marker, decreasing as malic acid concentration increases. the bottom graph, CRP versus malic acid concentration, is labeled: r=-0.6068, 95% confidence interval =-0.8537 – -0.1371, p=-0.0165. the graph shows CRP, an inflammation marker, decreasing as malic acid concentration increases. end ID

mice treated with malic acid had lower levels of TNF-alpha than the mice with untreated ankylosing spondylitis. humira & similar biologics that treat autoimmune diseases are TNF-alpha blockers

ID: a bar graph of relative mRNA expression of TNF-alpha. M0, the control mice, has a relative expression of 1. M1, the mice with ankylosing spondylitis that did not receive treatment, has a relative expression of slightly less than 4.5. M1+MA, the mice with ankylosing spondylitis who received the malic acid treatment, has a relative expression slightly less than 3. this indicates that the mice treated with malic acid had lower expression of TNF-alpha than the untreated mice. asterisks between M0 and M1 and between M1 and M1+MA indicate significance. end ID

the mitochondrial function of M2 macrophages in mice treated with malic acid "was significantly enhanced"

analysis of the mice's spinal tissue blew my fucking socks off. trying not to jump to conclusions & i know journal articles are full of errors but that looks potentially disease-modifying.

ID: a 5x3 presentation of samples of mouse spinal tissue. the control mice, which are healthy, have thick, undamaged, glowing tissue. the mice with ankylosing spondylitis have thin, curved, cracked-looking tissue. the mice treated with celecoxib, a common prescription NSAID for arthritis, appear very similar to the untreated mice. the mice treated with 250mg/kg of malic acid per day have tissue in between the untreated and healthy appearances; the tissue is "glowing" like the healthy tissue but still narrower and curved, although less so than the untreated tissue. the mice treated with 500mg/kg of malic acid per day have tissue which looks even closer to the healthy appearance, with less curvature than the other treatment groups. end ID

since i started drafting this post i've started taking these malic acid supplements from Nature's Life – the full dose made me feel weird including some heartburn so i cut the capsules & take roughly 2/3 – 3/4 of it at a time (i drop the rest into a spare pill jar to make more doses from). it's been similarly effective for me

please be aware that the supplement instructions say to only take it once a day, i haven't had any issues but everybody is different & this avenue is definitely under-researched! (the mice were given 250mg/kg per day which for me would be like 27 grams but i am not a mouse lol)

[fall0utmind]

I've already posted something that looks like I'm sorry if that's the case, but this damn app doesn't seem to want to cooperate with me :(How do you think Valentino will behave publicly in a/b/o sick fic when everything is revealed? What kind of questioning should journalists give him and Marc about their relationship, especially since motogp will have to review the rules related to alpha and omega interactions? I really want to see how journalists will put pressure on both of them, like what kind of relationship they are in now, how Marc feels about what happened. There seems to have been mention of the compulsory courses that Valentino will be sent to, how will he publicly comment on this? And perhaps how will things really be in their relationship when the media finds out the truth (or part of the truth)?

Hi @ferraribriefingrina sorry I didn't answer this it's been weeks!!!! I'm trying to go through my inbox rn - so anyone else who's asked and hasn't had an answer I'll either get to it this week or, if you asked about a specific fic / request I probably haven't answered because I'm writing it haha.

Can you tell i saved this to my drafts and then started getting through my inbox and came back to it. Cause that's what's happened.

Okay, so!!! When people find out the reaction is mixed, some people are like wtf vakentino, that's awful, he should be punished and banned, etc. Other people just shrug and are like "well that's how omegas are treated." Yknow a bit about sexism. Either way, i think valentino makes a public statement and apology, talks about accountability and does a load of charity work and research, etc. Because I need him to have a redemption arc so bad.

The whole motogp reviewing the rules of alpha and omega interactions is so interesting because on one hand I don't think they will have any interest in protecting omegas but on the other they're under pressure to. I think they make a rule about use of alpha voice and that's enforced.

The emdia are awful about it, won't let it lie and keep asking questions because they're vultures. Marc just no commenrs them all, blank face, pr answers. Valentino tries to brush it off but also be sincere- he knows marc doesn't like them knowing so it's tough.

Media are defo looking for the gossip.

" it true that you mated before?"

"Did you sleep with other alphas?"

"It's been said that you were hospitalised because of omega regression/ bond sickness, what can you tell us about this?"

So loads of prying into their relationship, what happened/ where it went wrong, and Marc's sickness. But also, yes, I guess questions about them now. How they're coping, how marc is feeling about being more of an omega again and being the pack omega? There's defo some nicer journalists in there, too. But as a general rule of thumb, I hate the media and tend to portray them negatively.

They agree that they'll stay out of the limelight as much as possible and keep their relationship private and on the down low. They try to not read reports etc as it makes it worse and instead focus on their relationship and packs. There's so much repairing to do anyways.

Also, lots of therapy. And lots of good communication and space and relearning each other!!!

Again I'm so so sorry this has taken soooolong rip

[possibilistfanfiction]

arcane prompt "hospital"?

[jinx deserves the world, also it's nice to let cait use her girlboss disposition for good sometimes, yknow. ao3 here.]

///

you hand caitlyn a cup of black tea she probably thinks is beyond shitty; it's all they had at the cart in the courtyard, and you still have no idea how to make proper tea anyway. still, she smiles — small, and residually scared, but genuine — in thanks. she's been crying, you can tell: her eyes are red-rimmed and the sweater of vi's she'd thrown on in the middle of the night is rumpled around the sleeves, like she'd used them to wipe her tears.

'she's going to be okay, right?' you look at vi's still, bruised form in the bed. 'they didn't, like, tell you really bad news while i was gone or something.'

caitlyn steadies herself. 'no,' she assures you. 'she's going to be just fine.'

'okay,' you say, and you trust her because she loves vi and because she's a doctor, and mostly because at this point caitlyn wouldn't lie to you. you scoot your chair forward and lace your fingers together with vi's hand, the one without an iv taped into it, and squeeze gently, just a hello. the doctors had explained that she's on a lot of medicine to keep her comfortable, plus the anesthesia from her surgery, so she's not going to wake up until midday at the earliest. but just in case she can feel you, you want her to know that you're there. you remember coming out of the worst sedations, medication that was wrong for you or just way too high a dose, to vi slumped next to your bedside, her big, strong hand steadfast around yours. 'did you see her x-rays or medical history or something?'

'i didn't intend to,' she says in way of an answer.

'ah.' you fiddle with vi's fingers. 'gnarly, huh?'

she puts her tea down on the small table near the bed and runs a hand through her hair before she scrapes it up into a messy ponytail. 'i knew, in theory,' she says. 'we've talked about things, of course. i'm able to help take care of when her chronic back pain flares, and how she really should have a surgical repair on her bad shoulder. but, i just, well. i suppose i comprehend the breadth of it now, more completely at least, the details in a way i can understand.'

you don't know; you don't ever want to know, not like that. vi still has nightmares about prison, still doesn't eat enough sometimes, still refuses heating pads and advil sometimes after a hard shift. 'yeah.'

'and i suppose, too, that it's hard to know how much she's hurt, even if it's so much less bad now.' she shrugs, helpless, and looks at you. 'i just love her.'

it had been terrifying, to get a call in the middle of the night from the fire department: vi had been in a building when it collapsed, and she was hurt and it was, potentially, very bad. you're not sure who they'd called first — you or caitlyn — but she'd texted you a minute after and offered to pick you up so you could both wait at the hospital while vi was in surgery. it had taken two hours before her dad came out and explained that vi had some internal injuries that still needed more fixing in surgery, as well as a few bruises and scrapes, but she would recover fully with time.

'you should move in with each other,' you say.

caitlyn pauses for a few moments, but then she lets out a quiet laugh. 'how long have you been holding that in?'

you shrug. 'you guys have been together for two years. i know vi wants to.' you don't mention that you hack into caitlyn's person email on occasion, just because you like to be nosey; you don't mention that you'd seen her and vi send property listings back and forth the last few months. 'i know she hasn't said anything to me because she doesn't want to upset me, or make me think like she's choosing you over me, or whatever.'

caitlyn considers it calmly. 'she would never do that, you know.'

'yeah.' you do; it's the thing you know most in the world. 'i also know that she's scared that if she doesn't help me at much, i'll have another episode.'

that, caitlyn has no response to.

'i've talked about this a lot in therapy.' you squeeze vi's hand, just in case she's listening too. 'at first i couldn't manage any of it without her, for sure.'

vi had spent her first month out of prison visiting you in your tent in the scariest part of town, not pushing, just bringing you food and warm clothes, comfortable blankets; she'd sit with you for hours if you'd let her, even if most of the time you talked to voices only you could hear and saw things she never would. finally, you agreed to go to the hospital with her, and from there it was more months of getting clean, and trying different medications, and really lame group therapy, and coming to terms with your diagnosis. vi was there as often as she could be, clean-cut for once while she went through the fire academy. you don't remember many details, but when you'd finally gotten released, she'd brought you to this small, rundown one bedroom apartment that she'd made as nice as she could. the first night you were home, she fell asleep in bed next to you in less than a minute, a few tears on her cheeks, seemingly of their own accord. it's always been a measure of love you'll always be a little in awe of.

'but, like, i remember my meds on my own now. i have a system.'

caitlyn's smile is honest-to-god proud. 'that's no small feat.'

you try to act nonchalant, but she's right: most of your medications have side effects that require other medications to off-set, and it's a nightmare if you don't coordinate them properly. 'and, like, my graduate program is going well, and i have friends, and i like climbing. i feel, not good, i guess. maybe i'll never feel good. but i feel real, and most of the time the world feels real too.'

caitlyn lays her hand on top of yours, and vi's.

'anyway,' you say, clearing your throat so you don't cry. you run your free hand through your hair, grown out some now after your "interesting decision," as vi had said, last year during a meltdown. 'vi can move out, and ekko can move in to our apartment. he's —' your boyfriend? your best friend? your favorite person, other than vi?

caitlyn smiles gently. 'he is.'

'he knows what to do, if i need help.'

'and i know you want to live with vi, and i know she wants to live with you.' even though you invade their privacy by checking emails, you'd never spill the beans that they've both individually been looking at rings. 'i can manage, without her there as much. i don't think either of us ever thought that would be our reality, which is why vi hasn't brought it up. i know she's still scared, probably forever. it was scary.' you take a big breath and then let it out; when you'd first gotten your diagnosis, it seemed like you would never get to be a full, independent person, and then it would be a death sentence. 'but i want to try. i can try.'

caitlyn squeezes your hand, and vi's too. 'i believe you will do wonderfully, in both my professional and personal opinion.'

'oh. really?'

she nods. 'you haven't had a full blown episode in over a year. i see you manage your days, and your impulses. clinically, you're actually a great patient. personally, you're a pain in the ass sometimes, but not because you're unwell.'

'just because of my stunning charm and incredible sense of humor? my flair for the dramatic?'

'something like that, sure.'

you laugh. 'thank you, so so much.'

she rolls her eyes but she's still fond of you, especially in the early morning light. vi's eyes are both bruised blue, but caitlyn had told you that surgeons had finally fixed her broken nose after it broke again this time: you're pretty sure vi hasn't been able to breathe properly since she was, like, twelve. at the very least she'll snore less, so a win for all of you. 'we found a house we want to put an offer in on,' she admits.

'yeah?'

she nods. 'it's not too far from your place, and it's right on the park.'

you scoff, just for posterity. 'fancy.'

she's unfazed by this point. 'we — well, vi was going to tell you, but i know it's fine if i do. we know you and ekko want to keep your current place, and i'd actually like to sit down with both of you and see if there's any way i can assist with your rent or other budgetary items.'

you're definitely, 100% about to cry, all of a sudden.

'she is so proud of you, for even being able to consider pursuing increased independence.'

you sniffle.

'but, the brownstone we're looking at also has a fully finished basement, with a bedroom and a small living area, its own bathroom. we've planned for it to be your space, whenever you want it, for any reason, for however long you'd like to stay. a night, a year. you will always have a home with violet, which means you will always have a home with me too.'

you have to do your deep breathing: sometimes kindness, especially given freely, is what makes the world slide most off-kilter. there are always voices telling you that you don't deserve good things, that caitlyn, and vi, and ekko, and vander, and even caitlyn's parents, when you go over to their giant ass mansion for celebratory dinners or parties, are lying to you. but you put your head down against your joined hands and count to ten, whisper it aloud, and then sit back up. caitlyn is waiting patiently.

'how big is the house?'

she laughs, heartily, and pulls out her phone to show you pictures and specifications. it's beautiful — not that you'd ever expect less of caitlyn kirammen — but she also tells you the plans she has to decorate, and your chest aches with a happiness so tinged with grief when she casually explains things vi wants in each room too. it's a life you never dreamed you'd get to have, and you know vi has probably been having total menty-b's about all of this, but she deserves a home more than anyone you've ever met.

'it's fine, i guess,' you say, after caitlyn finishes showing you their plans for the patio and yard.

caitlyn laughs. 'up to your standards?'

'could use more neon.'

'keep it confined to the basement, and you've got a deal.'

'ugh.'

'the only request i have is that you not blow it up.'

you pretend to contemplate. 'that's reasonable, i guess.' you look around at all the monitors proclaiming your big sister's strong heart and lungs and brain, despite it all. 'vi's gonna be so relieved that we don't have to have a heart to heart when she wakes up.'

caitlyn looks at the still planes of vi's face adoringly. disgusting, still. 'she'll be difficult enough as it stands, i'm sure.'

'total pain in the ass.'

////

you spend the first night after vi moves out in your apartment with ekko, and you fall asleep with your head tucked into his chest, safe still, even now. that weekend, you haul a duffle bag of your stuff — clothes, toiletries, a quarter of your lab, a few cans of spray paint — to vi and caitlyn's new house. neither of them are home yet, vi stuck grumpily on desk duty for the evening and caitlyn's meeting running over.

but your key turns in the lock, and your favorite snacks are stocked in the pantry. eventually, they both get home, and they're happy to see you, and caitlyn laughs at the improvements you've already done to the walls of the basement. vi ruffles your hair and you bully both of them into ordering tacos like you want, even though they have plenty of things you could cook at home. caitlyn is polite enough to let you curl up with vi on the couch, just for tonight, and you fall asleep, safe and warm, there too.

[apolsup]

The super epic polycule cooking

Fhs week day 5

Polyship - Traditional/FolkClothing - Scarring

This started as me joking abt peeling potatoes being the ultimate date idea, I love peeling potatoes so yeah

So basically this is my idea of the different uhh dynamics between each of these guys,

Anyways I'll explain some things bc I've been thinking about this for a while now

I feel like Aiden and Oliver (my Bonnie) were dating for a while now since they've known each other for a long time, Aiden probably confessed first (at like 15) since hes a bit uhhh act first think later. Oliver was like "cool, wanna date then?" And they've been together ever since

Bon is obviously crushing on Oliver, but knows hes dating Aiden, starts hanging out with Freddy (Oliver asked him if it was cool for him to bring him in order to help him out since yknow guitar) and they hit it off, instead of falling into a codependent situationship like my freddon au, they start dating (bc of the little detail of Aiden and Oliver already dating)

So turns out, Aiden and Freddy are kind of developing feelings for each other, Freddy feels SO guilty bc hes crushing on his best friend boyfriend who is also his best friend, he still loves Bon to death but he cant just pick one and forget about the other he just can't. Aiden is having his own internal hell because he loves his boyfriend but yknow why the fuck is he also crushing on his best friend???? But since hes always been honest with Oliver (it took a while to get there) he decides to just tell him. Oliver has never really been someone to care about society's rule, so he's like "ok? Date him then I don't really mind or care dude, it's fine" so now Aiden has to talk to Freddy about this BUT Bon is also in the picture in case he forgot

So Freddy has been feeling awful for days and has no idea how to tell Bon about what the fuck is going on. Aiden decides to talk to him, and is honest, I like you, I still love my boyfriend, I asked him and Oliver said he doesn't mind, but I know about you and jhon- uh Bon, but if hes cool with it id love to take you out on a date or something I don't know...

Freddy of course is feelings #guiltyaf but also relived to know that at least

1. His feelings are not one sided and

2. Oliver is fine with the idea of sharing a partner

Of course hed like to accept but says he needs time to talk to Bon about it but that he also kind of feels some kind of vibe there and leaves, giving him a little bit of hope at least

Now talking to Bon? It was hard, he loves him but knows hes insecure about this topic (love, dating and stuff) so he tries to be as gentle as possible and tells him, I still love you, but ive been developing feelings for Aiden and uhmm recently he told me that hes been crushing on me and already confirmed with Oliver, and hes fine with it so he wants to like uhmm take me out but I didn't want to give him an answer until I talked about this with you and uhhh yeah I think thats all I still love you I promise I just need to know what you think about this

Bon is surprised, stunned, shell shocked even. He takes his time to think and talk to Freddy. Long story short, he accepts but needs a hell of reassurance that everything between them is fine. After this emotional talk, he timidly asks Freddy about Oliver, Freddy is surprised to see that he still has some small bit of hope in there but smiles and squeezes his hand, he tells him that he could give it a shot and hed be completely supportive and help out if he needed it, but he didn't know how or what would Oliver say if he did ask him out

So how do Bon and Aiden start dating? Well since they're metamours they have to at least be neutral to each other, at some point when they are all hanging out Aiden and Bon would have to interact more, turns out Aiden is kinda cool and okay maybe a little cute. Aiden thinks Bon is nice and its fun to watch him get nervous about horror topics, over flirting with Freddy or other things so they like each other at least enough to consider each other a friend. Time passes and turns out they like-like each other, by this moment they're used to the whole 'polyamory' thing and after giving a heads up to their partners (they both knew way before them) they go out together and well now they're dating too! After talking Aiden also hypes Bon up to ask Oliver out, he tells him "look ive seen some sparks between you two especially when you're playing the guitar, I know Oliver and im sure he'll accept!" So he does, and surprise! He accepted yay!!

So Bon and Onni have some story, way before meeting the animatronics he used to hang out with the nightmares (he used to be way edgier than how he was when he met the gang, his teenage angst was perfect for them!) And got along great with Onni since they had the smallest age gap (a year) theres two aus where they have a story, one where they were dating and Bon broke up with him due to changing and leaving the nightmares behind to befriend and form the toys with the girls, so Onni tries to get him back but is ignored. In the other, Onni has a crush on him but Bon rejects him due to his father being, well his father and not providing a safe space for his kid to realize who he is (Bon did return his feelings but got scared and chose to flee and then he meets the girls and forms the toys). The story changes a bit depending on the au, but it has the same general vibe, Bon finds him Onni sad at the library looking at his failed test (Onni got in with a scholarship and his ability with the guitar btw) Bon would usually just leave but the guilt kicks him again right in the ass and decides to walk up to him and ask if he's okay, Onni is still bummed out so he just answers by pointing at his test and the big red "2.0" (nota mínima d acá idk) and sighs. Bon knows this will end up in disaster but still, sits down after saying "I'm so gonna regret this..." And asks him if he could help him out, Onni accepts, turns out no one else wanted to help him because of his reputation.

So they start meeting at the library occasionally to study, and to bons credit Onnis grades seem to get better! They start to get more comfortable around each other and they fall back into a friendship, it's sweet, inside that library they get to joke and talk as if no time had passed, it feels as if they were barely 13 again. Bon apologizes for being a dick (he was kind of an asshole for just leaving and ignoring the nightmares) but also he needs him to apologize to those he hurt, Bon knows about his tendency to steal from Oliver and making fun of him, he can't exactly just ignore that.

So Onni does so, because he did feel at least a little guilty about it, especially more now that he had a more... Morally oriented friend/potential future boyfriend? He goes and apologizes to Oliver (and other people he hurt as well), Oliver obviously, doesn't like him and hits him, hard. Twice. A knuckle sandwich just for you! And leaves, Bon after hearing about this tends to his poor black eye and split lip (damn Oliver you had that talent hidden huh) but also "you have to admit you did have it coming" "yeah, yeah I know"

Of course they can feel the tension, they know that the other feels the same way but they dance around each other for a while before actually confessing (because their friends/partners were so DONE with it they had to force them to do it) and start dating

Aiden and Oliver DO. NOT. like him at all but they tolerate him for Bons sake, he did prove that he can handle him and control his destructive tendencies, so they accept him under the condition that he does not try to interact with them, and everyone is content with that, (also Freddy doesn't particularly care).

Fred is still here, by this time the animatronics all know about him and they like him, they're friends, Bon learnt about him some time after dating Freddy and they're also on friendly terms, they like to sing together whenever Freddy allows him to possess the body for a while. Fred kind of feels some sparks with Bon but he doesn't know how to explore this so hes ignoring this for a while (Bon is kind of unaware but he does kind of feel warm inside whenever they're sitting side by side and brushing knees)

Out of everyone, Fred is closer to Auryn (my golden) because they can relate to feeling trapped in their living situation and not having enough freedom, due to different reasons since one is a ghost with no memories of his life and the other is a repressed guy with a controlling family but they relate to each other a lot. Fred and Auryn have been dancing around each other for a loooong while, the slowest slow burn to ever slow burn. But Freddy has been pushing Fred to ask golden out for a long time. And when he's just about to do it, Auryn beats him to it! Damn it Goulding! (Joy helped) he says yes but they have to be subtle because Auryns family is, as said before, very controlling and if they ever found out about this they could take Auryn back to England (mi golden es British 😱😱) to finish his studies there so yeah, it sucks but it is what it is.

Auryn and Bon are chill around each other, not exactly friends but they like the other. Bon is also on the "im scared of my parental figures control over me haha" club so he and Auryn have at least something in common. They kiiiinda have some sort of attraction but they haven't talked about it yet.

But yeah I think thats all, maybe ill pick this up some other time bc its so fun to think about different aus where the super epic polycule exists but whatever

OHMYGOD this took a long time to write what the fuck anyways byeeeee

[mika-thexd]

Cole headcanons

They have a bad habit of chewing their nails, it's not a severe habit that they do it all the time but it's noticeable. Like you can look at their nails and it's shorter than a normal person's nails.

Clemy tried to break their bad habit but it lasted for a few weeks before they got back to their bad habit 😑

THEY'RE EXTREMELY GOOD AT BORED GAMES

To the point that when the gang tries to play bored games they ask Cole to take it easy on them 😭

Their love language is gift giving <3

They deffo made the gang matching friendship bracelets 😝

They're really good at making bracelets that Kingsley decided to make their hobby a business 😋 Cole didn't mind tho but their fingers were starting to hurt 😞 that's why they have a bandages on their fingers

MATCHING BANDAGES WITH KINGSLEY 😝

THEY LOVE CATS IT'S ADORABLE 😭💕

Clemy prolly found them hugging a cat in their sleep 🥺 it was so adorable 😭

Cole also found an injured stray kitten and BEGGED Perrine to let them keep it but Perrine said no 😞

But Cole was too soft hearted so they took care of it and sneaked the kitten in 😜 so now they have a pet cat 🥺

THEY'RE GOOD AT WRITING POEMS

They prolly have a poem about clemy stacked in their drawer somewhere

Cole and the gang had this ritual where every time it's raining they have to dance under the rain 🤭

They tried to cut their hair once 😐 IT DID NOT END WELL 😶 Kingsley walked in on them cutting their hair and teased them for it 😊

Kingsley was prolly like "what did you do to your hair 😂" "don't tell anyone please 🙏😭" and Kingsley agreed to help Cole with their hair but they still teased them about it 🙄

Has a soft spot for animals so they became a vegan 🥺 they just can't handle eating animals yknow?

Prolly has a secret spot outside of the village where they could just take a breather and relax because we need one once in a while y'know?

They are quite clumsy so they get hurt sometimes 😣 it's not that they're not aware of their surroundings oh no it's just that the universe is just against them 😐

They sometimes trip on nothing, bump into a random object so ye they have scars now 😎

If they were in our universe they most definitely have noise cancelling headphones

They listen to Cavetown, alex G, the bird and the bee, and Adrianne lenker

Their playlist name is deffo poetic and stuff, and selects the most random cover photo for their playlist

They won't live without music, so if all music mysteriously vanishes they won't live AT MOST 10 minutes (same)

Is musically smart

Also have this weird obsession of biology

So Yap about it A LOT to clemy, albeit shyly because they don't want to overshare 😣

But when Cole learned that clemy didn't mind they were OVER THE MOON

Is not a morning person like you PHYSICALLY have to pull them out of their bed

Is because their bed is REALLY comfortable to the point that one of the group snuck into their bedroom and slept there *ahem* Kingsley WHO SAID THAT

They have a bad case of nightmares, to the point that Perrine had to come over to their bedroom and wake them up because they were shaking and breathing heavily ☹️

It's so sad though because Cole because of the nightmares they stopped sleeping for 5 days 😦

But Perrine noticed and dragged them back to bed so not to worry 🤗 how'd Perry notice? It was probably because Cole was starting to hallucinate 😵‍💫

Their interaction basically went like this "hey Perrine what is that? 😟" "what is what Cole? 🤨" "that tree over there 🫵 it has faces on them 😦" "no it's not Cole 😑 okay you need to go to bed 😮‍💨"

After Cole slept they were scolded by Perrine 😣

��/𝗻

This was so fun to make because I relate to Cole a lot so it wasn't hard to make 😋 and I will prolly post Kingsley's headcanons after this 🤭

Thank you for reading ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡

[daz4i]

yknow. 3.2 does imply that had mydei wanted to, he could still just. die. so does that mean hitting his weak spot makes sure he won't be able to come back? and, does it mean if he gets corrupted by the black tide his very soul will also lose its sanity - but not enough to forget to climb out of the river of souls - which is why he needs phainon to kill it for good?

also, does his soul return to his body? what if his body gets blown into smithereens or completely crushed and there's nothing to return to (i mean. one could argue such a case hits his weak spot probably lol)?

how long does this process take? because, 3.2 also made it seem like it takes awhile, but since he managed to fend off nikador for like, days, and he surely must've died a few times during that battle, it implies he fought them nonstop, aka he came back to life instantly. does that mean time doesn't matter in the river of souls? that it can feel like days or years but no time has passed in the real world at all?

what does that project onto the implications that time in amphoreus is generally weird and the flame reaver (most likely) experienced the past and the future at the same time (for lack of better quick way to descibe it)? it seems the nether realm is at least separated from the loop process, given that polyxia remembers her past while calypso (and probably gnaeus) didn't? does that apply to the river as well? if so, has mydei unknowingly met people from previous loops? are the people of styxia even from the loop we're currently going through, or could they be there since the last one?

and that also raises a question I've been wondering about. are there even more than 2 existing loops? let's refer to them as the calypso loop for the previous one and the anaxa loop for our current one. if time is indeed frozen in the nether realm, then did polyxia kill the previous incarnation of thanatos back in the calypso loop? or did that version of thanatos just disappear on their own? she's the only one in the nether world when cas gets there, after all. but we see that castorice didn't need to kill her sister in order to inherit the coreflame. and their conversation - polyxia asking that castorice won't forget her in the next loop - implies that at least those 2 will exist in each one regardless, so at least thanatos's cycle repeats those same 2 loops each time which. given the frozen time implications. is a bit odd, isn't it?

as mentioned polyxia does remember her past life so this implies that at least those two loops are connected, but her fearing that cas will forget her implies that they don't go both ways, if that makes sense? as in, from what we currently know at least, there's a calypso loop -> anaxa loop data retention, but not an anaxa loop -> calypso loop one (or maybe polyxia just said it due to being emotional in that scene. that also makes sense lmao. but bear with me here)

sooooo essentially i think it's less a separate calypso loop and anaxa loop, but combined into the same run. if flame reaver is indeed phainon (and not khaos, which, given that he showed anaxa his memories, means he's probably still kephale in some way) that means he did come from a different run. which means that other characters in the anaxa loop existed in previous runs, but possibly not in the same the way the twins did (as in, they simply didn't have the roles they do now, for some reason. dw i'll get to that). so. i don't think amphoreus resets whenever all coreflames are returned and the demigods befome the new titans. i think it resets after it happens more than once - after the anaxa loop, where phainon, the flame reaver, comes from.

i don't think our anaxa loop chrysos heirs end up becoming the titans - i don't think they existed in the calypso loop at all (aside from castorice of course). the fact the titans still keep the same names through every loop (as we see calypso and polyxia refer to cerces and thanatos by name and separate from themselves) despite it supposedly resetting implies that they are a fixed being, almost like a class in an rpg rather than an actual character, except only one person can equip it at a time which is why you have to kill the previous one in order to become it yourself.

if amphoreus is some kind of experiment, to see if you can recreate a world from memories, then. maybe the creators of this experiment (the organization black swan mentioned...?) simply couldn't extract the right memories from flame reaver!phainon. our current phainon seems to doubt his memories, after all. maybe the black tide is actually a corruption of memories that came from him, as he said (tho not in those words 😩), memories can't create a perfect replication of a whole world. maybe the black tide overtook everywhere else in amphoreus because a previous phainon only got to see okhema. maybe aedes elysiae was a new addition made by the creators of the experiment for the current run, and it got overtaken by the black tide bc it didn't have memories from phainon to back its data up (maybe the flame reaver broke from it bc it was simply a weak spot in the system that he could break through).

is kephale means "head". and kephale essentially holds the memory of the entire world, then. yeah that name makes sense. "khaos" being the name of the previous incarnation of them is very interesting tho, since it means void or chasm, nothingness etc. which can connect to march's current state somehow, too, as black swan described it as nothingness. I've seen ppl say she's cyrene, or that she'll inherit oronyx's coreflame instead of tb, but what if she's related to khaos somehow? (i don't think she IS khaos since iirc the others referred to him with he/him lol but maybe, if i'm wrong abt the 2 loops thing and there ARE more, maybe she was kephale before him...? maybe the messenger had to block her memories because they literally contain an entire world and who knows how that'd affect someone outside the experiment) or what if the hijacking of her mind is like the black tide? if we go by the idea that the black tide is created by gaps in memory, and we know that it can spread and overtake other things, maybe that's simply what is currently happening to her? the mark of kephale is what's used to purify it, too... hmm.

man. this is one of my least coherent "theorizing" posts. idk how much i believe in any of this^ tbh (i do lean towards the 2 timelines thing tho. even if i can't fully explain why it'd be that way. yet) everything might get refuted by the next patch for all i know lol. this is more me asking questions this patch made me think about and it getting out of hand as i kept typing lmao. anaxa would be proud

[system-of-a-feather]

Hey man appreciate the offer. Name's 0 (zero) so I don't have to keep up with a convoluted sig lol. If you do want me to come off anon ever i can message you or smth just don't want it associated with our blog cuz like you said I'm pretty sure people'd just decide it makes us "evil" or whatever. and maybe *I* am and if i am who cares but we dont need that kind of attention. But yeah it sucks tryna find any help especially because therapyspeak also sets me off. I mean everything sets me off lmao but yeah. Good to be able to get input from someone who kinda speaks my language ig instead of basically having to swim upstream to even know what's being said in the 1st place.

Definitely feel what you mean by there being a cycle to it. Trying not to be "toxic" is draining and being drained just puts me on edge which makes me want to do stupid and sometimes blatantly dangerous shit. Fortunately I'm more in control than i used to be so i didn't burn the entire bridge immediately but that's a pretty low bar right

But yeah idk im still not getting wtf happened to the point i dont think i can empathize with "normal" people. Like. This person thanked me for apologizing. You wanted an apology?? Man if someone apologizes to me i assume they have an angle. I was low-key expecting it to turn into another argument. Honestly i don't even know if i care that much about these people but host does and I'm tryna at least build something symbiotic with them yknow? But it makes it hard to try cuz especially in the moment i don't even know how to want to do better. And maybe trying to resolve in-system problems is part of it, i used to treat the host like shit and now that my target's gone i don't know what to do with myself? Idk that doesn't sound right and there's no direction to this anymore im just typin and I'm probably too tired to make sense.

"But yeah it sucks tryna find any help especially because therapyspeak also sets me off. I mean everything sets me off lmao but yeah."

Fucking LMAO felt that and same with the therapyspeak.

I mean it doesn't anymore, but like in the original post I did put the disclaimer cause our system frequently does therapyspeak on here and in life as a form of like... semi-professionality and way of being inclusive and respectful to people - particularly those that tend to be more sensitive (Not bad, just different) and I fully respect that tbh, but it frustrates me and is not something I as a part (unless operating as a fused whole) will partake in cause its just like... not my language and I just really don't have the patience or fucks to give to keep that sort of thing going. Plus honestly, I don't know how they integrate all the qualifiers and validations in without it COMPLETELY derailing what they're saying. Like I can do it when I'm fused as a part of the whole and all because >I< don't have to do it, but like.... ask me when I'm talking just as myself?? Fuck man I can't do it even if I want to without sounding like I'm trying to present a court case to a judge and that "trying to appeal to the court of public opinion" pisses me off.

So like one of my things I just establish with people who know us / talk to us, is that if they intend to talk to me specifically, don't be upset when I 100% drop the therapyspeak / stilted speech (variant) that every other part in our system (other than Aderis) seems to do. It's exhausting and if you ask to speak to me / hear from me and can't understand that me Not Using Therapyspeak isn't the same as me being intentionally hostile or mean, then tbh I don't know why you came walking onto my lawn and knocking on my front door /hj

The whole last paragraph

Yeah dude I get that whole shtick. I actually actively tried to kill Riku internally and was getting close to escalating to physically at a point in time so, big relate.

As far as apologies and shit goes, a way I like to look at it as someone who doesn't really feel remorse, is that most of my apologies come from a place of me acting in a way I disagree with - on principle / value - and wanting to right that to still sustain my own personal integrity with myself.

I don't apologize because I feel bad, because its rare that I 'feel bad' - I apologize because on a very fundamental way, I think the way I did something did not align with what is important / valuable. When I don't act in line with what I care about and whats important to me, I am disrespecting myself and I think its important to hold myself accountable. I apologize to restore my own self respect.

I can't be mad, confident in my upset, and hold myself to it, if I am a hypocrite or don't hold myself to the standard I want others to return back to me. If I live by and to my own standards, then when I get annoyed at others for being shitheads, I actually am coming from a position where my entire case is undermined by the fact I wouldn't even be able to make myself happy.

Related but kind of circling back to your comment on doing better / being better and all, while I think its important to have the "but host does and I'm trying to do something symbiotic with them" motivation and that having it as a motivation is very good and helpful (was for me as well), but I think it's important to boil it down to something that personally motivates *you* specifically.

There's only so much dedication and healing you can do for someone else and almost always, you will get stopped when the amount it costs you to recover will outweigh how much you actually care for the person / thing you are trying to heal for. Recovery and changing behavior is hard and often challenges long standing ways of existing that feel really fucking good; that limit of motivation is inevitable.

That being said, you are motivated to make something symbiotic with the host and that's a decent motivation to try to do better, it's a great start, but why are you motivated to make something symbiotic with the host? Why aren't you just trying to make them go dormant? Why don't you just try to take over? Why don't you just say "fuck the healthy things, I'm going to do what I want and let it all be damned"? In what way does doing anything nice or neutral for the host serve you, SPECIFICALLY you?

Of course, I'm not genuinely asking this in a "yeah bro go kill your host" sort of way, because I think its an amazing and great idea to work on that; I'm asking it to pose the question as to what exactly motivates you in the first place to even try to even want to be slightly nice / symbiotic with the host? Cause something has to be motivating you to want to try doing something symbiotic. That thing probably is also related and can be extrapolated to the actual big picture of doing better.

For me, the reason I try to not impede in the overall systems / Riku's goals and ideas is because

I deeply value the partnership I've developed with Riku and the two of us are ride or die. If they have a goal, I'll do my best to at least not impede it and ideally support it - even if its personally annoying

I have come to really enjoy peace and stability internally in our system. I enjoy being able to laugh and snark around with the system and its not nearly as fun to do when everyone is authentically and genuinely panicked / stressed. I can spend more money and time doing things I like to do and exploring fun opportunities when we are stable and at peace; therefore, it benefits me to respect things that mean a lot to the other parts

I hate cunts and ngl I was being a massive cunt and fuck do I not want to be the type of person I hate.

When it comes down to it, if I am in a shit place or have something I care about, Riku and the rest of the system would support me and help me engage in what I care about. Originally I hated being in dept to others, so I can't accept that from them (and they don't take me rejecting them) without reciprocating. More lately, I can't rely on them to cover my back and keep an eye out for things that are important to me if they are suffering and what not.

Like I could honestly go on and on for the list of reasons I do the things I do despite the fact I'm much more prone - on my own - to blazing a path of violent glory to having my ideas and ideals met. If I didn't have my other parts and the life we've collectively established, I honestly still would run off, do 'crime' in the name of my vision and die early living to what I think needs to be done cause I'm just like that. But I'm not here on my own and I honestly find my parts and the life we've collectively made more than really anything else, including my personal values and morals on how the world should run.

At the end of the day, you can't force someone who has no benefit from being "good" to want to be good - even for someone else. Some people would say "well everyone benefits from being good" but honestly, my brains fucking broken and even without being suicidal, I am more than fine dying or getting hurt if it means getting going after what I want.

As a part I was made to aggressively dominate one of our primary abusers and establish my rules in the household by whatever means necessary. I don't really fathom "what if I get hurt" or "what if this isn't worth it" because that sort of stuff never fucking mattered in my foundational experiences as a part and I think its ridiculous for anyone to expect me to suddenly understand that as a part when it was probably something I formed EXPLICITLY dissociated from so I could do what I had to do.

I just simply found something I care more about than establishing "my rules" in every group that I'm in (which btw would not be satiated until I was King of the Universe; which is another reason I had to Figure My Shit Out because I was aware of how impossible it was and that I would absolutely die before I got to any place where I'd be done and tbh it wouldnt be productive anyways)

ANYWAYS

Returning back to the first part of the ask, you are free to DM us if you like. The only thing about DMs is that I honestly probably am more likely to forget to reply because tumblr's DM system sucks and sometimes marks shit as read and thus removes the notification and we aren't online enough to remember every conversation here.

We love chatting and itll be less public and more casual I guess, but it also runs the risk of us just... forgetting about the conversation as we do a lot in our life. We are fine with either these anons w/ sign offs or DMs cause tbh our DMs are really open to anyone to just chat with us with; its really just up to you on what works best knowing we have a real bad habit of loosing our DMs in the sea of Life where as anons sit in our box and we check it every so often when bored

[butchtwelfthdoctor]

imagining proper communication for aziraphale and crowley is so difficult because so much of their dynamic is built on talking around what they really mean. stemming from 'we have to be careful what we say to each other in case heaven/hell is listening, don't thank me for helping you i'll get in trouble' all the way to 'one of us just essentially confessed love and the other literally said 'i need you' after we both vastly misunderstood that what we were asking each other were different versions of the same thing (being safe and together)'.

how would they even talk to each other if they didn't have to censor themselves? if the repression hadn't been there? it wouldn't've been the same story at all. their entire relationship is built around Not saying what they mean, and where that fails just repressing it. but it slips yknow, like they so obviously love each other, almost definitely they can tell the feeling is mutual - but they can never acknowledge it. because heaven or hell might be listening, and they probably don't know how to talk about feelings cos they just. never have.

which is really heartbreaking.

[project-sekai-facts]

THREE CHEERS FOR NIIGO TEASER HOORAY!!!

anyway so while it HAS to be a kanade focus bc just look at it, out of the 6 characters left that need focuses, only 2 (rui and ena) need 2dmvs. the tsukasa event song rn is a 3dmv and toya's is a 3dmv bc the teaser said so, but the n25 teaser didn't say "3dmv new stage!" or anything like that. so is it a possibility that the n25 event is an ena focus bc she needs a 2dmv and they can't do three 3dmvs in a row, or that it is a kanade focus but they're giving her another 2dmv, or the teaser doesn't actually mean anything and it's a kanade focus with a 3dmv. and either way how are they gonna handle the focus event lineup if more characters need 3dmvs than 2dmvs and they can't alternate

oh it's definitely kanade and definitely 3DMV. for starters, like yeah just look at the PV; Carnations, Kanzaki Iori saying it's about nostalgia, no way it's not Kanade. and for the MV, they've been evening out how many of each type every character has, so that they will have 2 of each as of their 4th event (obviously this is not the case for Toya due to Mirai, and they're giving out both types to all 3DMVs now but you get the point). Kanade only has 1 3DMV so she'll be getting one with this event.

The reason Kanade's teaser didn't say "new stage" was because the new N25 stage was added with Twilight Light, niigo's song from the 3rd anni image song campaign. also the VBS teaser isn't for Toya's event, it was for their entry in the campaign, and will later be used as the song for their World Link event. Toya isn't getting an event next month.

To be honest, now I think about it, Kanade 3DMV being the sole event next month actually does balance things out. earlier this year they did two 2DMVs back to back for plot reasons (Light Up the Fire and STEP by STEP + Minori and An coincidentally both needing 2DMVs), so b2b 3DMVs was going to happen eventually (also they get 2DMVs now so does it matter?).

so kanade 3dmv leaves you with honami, toya and haruka for 3DMVs and Rui and Ena for 2DMVs, pair Rui and Ena with two of the 3DMV charas and then the leftover one will pair with whoever kicks off 5th rotation. However.

My assumption is that they're gonna try and end the rotation at the event before the half anniversary again, and this almost works but it does require at least one unit lim banner, otherwise you end up going over by 1 event. as someone pointed out to me in a comment earlier the next one isn't really due until april/may but the only way you can get this to work is by having one out of the december/january/february lim slots be a unit lim event. due to vday and wday coming as a pair i think new years might be the one to go (considering the L/n plot new years could work for them. yknow changes and new beginnings).

as an example something like

December: N25 Kanade (3D) -> Minori perm mixed -> L/n Honami lims (3D)

January: VBS WL -> WxS Rui (2D) -> Mizuki Vday lims

February: VBS Toya (3D) -> N25 Ena (2D) -> Akito White Day lims

March: WxS WL -> MMJ Haruka (3D) -> Kanade 3.5th Anni lims

then you have idk saki and an to kick off the 5th rotation

this is by no means accurate i just threw this together as an example and didn't really put any thought into it

this probably doesn't make sense but. kanade 3dmv event in december.

[blood-injections]

i really want to know what Dr benzedrine's reaction is to seeing funsandkid love fighting (assuming that they do that because I haven't read all of ur funsandkid posts yet)

Yeah funsandkid totally fights but its more for fun and just adrenaline versus the usual funkobra fighting for pent up whatever for sanity etc. The three of them are their own little fight club idk if I'll ever get to writing anything about it but they'd try keeping it secret from Benz because. Doctor and sorta leader of the suitehearts they all think he'd be pissed bc they're unnecessarily hurting eacother or whatever even though they never go too far its just scrapes and bruises at the end of the day and an occasional black eye or split lip or something. Very rarely do they get seriously hurt aside from ghoul accidentally breaking kobras nose once. I also think benz wouldn't like kobra that much like hed be thick as theives with jet star i bet bc they have a medic/tired mom kind of bond. Anyway i think kobra gets sandman into racing and benz doesnt like kobra for that bc it means. I mean hes like its a hobby cool sandman needs more hobbies. He just doesn't like it bc its kobra and bc sandmans away from base more often its just best freind jealousy yknow hed used to fighting alongside sandman and them being super close but now kobra and ghoul are getting all the attention. But eventually like kobra and ghoul are around all the time and eventually hes just indifferent hes used to their bullshit he dosnt hate kobra hes just annoyed by him at worst. When he learns they like to fight eachother he isnt pissed like they think like he gives them a lecture but ultimately his reaction is just like. A heavy sigh and a "fine" yknow. Like i said hes used to their shit and hes not happy that theyre beating eachother up but he can see they clearly have like a system about it and make sure bot to go too far and take care of eachothers wounds if theres any so hes like as long as you dont waste our medical supplies i dont give a shit just dont concuss eachother.

BUT. If its the Dr Frankenstein Dr Benzedrine and frankenghoul thing im building, he would have a muchh different reaction because if ghouls his creation hed have a love hate relationship with it like any like parent and their kid hed hate that ghoul maybe didn't turn out exactly how he wanted like not being like him or hed hate that ghoul hates him because ghoul Would hate him, he'd have a sense of loyalty to benz and feel like he owes him it but also hed hate benz for like. Dude you literally made me alive but you wont let me like go be a person or do half these things fuck you. Because yeah benz is super protective of him. In this case ghoul would have a ton of pent up anger and sandman would be sympathetic with his needs to like fucking live and would sneak him out to have fun behind benz back and then theyd meet kobra and in this case if benz found them sneaking off to party or whatever, let alone fighting eachother for fun, hed freak the fuck out cause hes so protective of ghoul and hed yell abt them putting it in danger and risking ghouls health and shit becaue like. He made ghoul and hes scared ghoul could be unmade basically. Hes scared bc hes a crazy mad scienist and grafted different peoples body parts together or whatever and hes scared of ghoul literally falling apart at the seams but like ghouls tougher than benz thinks he is and maybe he'll see that eventually, but at the moment hed be pissed at them all and hed like try to keep ghoul and sandman separated and hed ban them from seeing kobra, which yknow it just makes them all hate him more rip and totally leads to ghoul fucking running away and joining the fab four and sandman probably fucking off to stick with his boyfriends and it totally makes the crews have a rivalry and shit until they all talk it out and forgive eachother, to their extents

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

Okay okay, for the ask game, what about 1 and 14 for Emmet and Laventon? Assuming this is an au like oop (or actually oop) where Emmet ends up in Hisui somehow

(character dynamics ask game) ooooh ok!! these two are fun bc they don't get chances to interact... much really at all, in most of my things. like even in oop they juuust missed each other rip. so this is a fun underexplored duo

1. what were A’s first impressions of B? were they mostly correct or have they changed?

i feel like emmet would not be quite as immediately fond of lav as ingo is. not that he dislikes him, just, it takes emmet a little bit longer than that to really decide he likes a person, most of the time. he wants to know that whatever initial impression a person is giving him isn't just empty words! tho i think one thing that would make him more immediately friendly is like, if this is oop-adjacent, hearing ingo talk abt him beforehand/knowing ingo likes him. bc then he does actually know that lav is sincere in his dedication to pokemon and the 'dex and etc. which makes him like him more out of the gate. in general tho i think emmet's like, bad at making very nuanced opinions of ppl, so his first impression is probably not going to go much farther than "seems cool"

on laventon's side otoh. hmm. i think lav is sort of an easily intimidated person and- as we have previously covered- emmet has this sort of absolute confidence and surety and commitment to his own principles that can be pretty intimidating. so lav's initial impression of him is probably along the lines of "this is a person who could and would wreck my shit without needing to lift a finger if he wanted to, and i should be careful abt that." and then he gets to know him better and realizes that most of said principles are along the lines of protecting people and making sure things run smoothly, which takes the edge off a good amount. yes he probably still COULD destroy him, but he probably won't.

14. for two characters that met very recently, how would their dynamic be different (if at all) if they had known each other for much longer? for characters that are childhood/longtime acquaintances, how would it be different if they met for the first time today?

OOF yall keep throwing such fun fic pitches at me. my immediate instinct was to connect this to the other one w/ cyllene, and say that emmet met lav at the same time she did, but that runs into the same problem as cyllene+kamado where i still wouldn't consider that exactly knowing each other a long time. yknow. i realize this is not exactly the point of the question but now i'm just thinking about scenarios... au where they went to school together... anyway tho. hmm. well i think lav would. as above, not be nearly as intimidated by emmet w/ furthered context, but would also probably be much more familiar with his penchant for Committing To A Thing that is inadvisable according to basically everyone else. lav finds out about alphas and is like (thinking) oh god fuck he's going to go hunt down the strongest one he can find just to catch it isn't he.

this also goes into the question of what these two were like when they were younger. esp. laventon, who i don't think i've thought/talked much abt his early life much at all. i mean he's clearly well educated and probably from a well-off family, and i said "went to school together" earlier bc i sort of picture him as having gone to some kind of boarding school situation, but it's also possible that he was taught privately at home. either way i think he didn't have a ton of practical survival experience before hisui. maybe he was even more deeply absorbed in books when he was younger, hardly even considering the practical side of research. so in that case i think emmet would probably be sort of a balance to him. not that emmet HATES reading or anything but he's also very much like. if he has a question abt a pokemon and can't immediately find the answer in a book he's just gonna go check for himself. so they would probably make a pretty good research duo each trying to pull the other in their direction.

it's also very fun for me to imagine them being collaborators, though. it's not exactly canon supported but i still like to think lav invented pokeballs so they could have worked together on that... emmet being the only one who can properly field test their invention bc he can actually hit a target throwing things lmao

[hesoncam]

𝑱𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒂 𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝑭𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝑴𝒂𝒚𝒉𝒆𝒎.

I'm not being woke if I was raised right, like I think everyone teaches you to respect people and being different is a cool thing. It's just mind blowing yknow bc they not only do this

They also mock singer's suicides bc "haha Kurt Cobain, shootgun", "hahaha dead from mayhem is actually dead now!", "hahaha cheater Bennington hanging!“, like, I'm sorry but these were real people with different struggles.

Dead was this guy who had severe mental illness and a disturbing passion for death, does that mean it's okay to mock his death because he supposedly wanted? No, he suffered from a mental illness that makes people think they're dead and rotting in real life.

I'm sorry but I don't need to explain why mocking Kurt Cobain's and Chester Bennington's is wrong. I just think dead's case is way more complicated for some people who doesn't have any empathy n not gonna lie I'm very interested in his case

Bc dead wasn't just that edgy dude who cut himself on stage. He used to burry himself alive because he "liked" smelling and feeling like a corpse, he genuinely believed he was actually dead, he was being severely exploited by his bandmates especially the euronymous fucker (I hate him sorry), and then his death was glamorized by his "friends" to keep the band relevant. His bandmates exploited a mentally ill vulnerable young man until he couldn't survive it, they fed dead's delusion until he believed it fully. Yes, it might have seemed like he enjoyed it, but he was delusional, deeply delusional, that's why he was easy to manipulate. He was a mentally ill REAL person with REAL emotions and REAL mental struggles. You can't trust dead when he says he likes it, when he smiles cutting himself, when he does shitty stuff bc he was deeply delusional and deeply mentally ill.

And euronymous shouldn't be glorified, he exploited his mentally ill again, VULNERABLE bandmate and supposed friend.

He was what? in his twenties? Dead was a young vulnerable mentally ill man who was taken advantage of repeatedly by his supposed friends. He didn't deserve to die, he may have enjoyed feeling dead but like I said, he was delusional, deeply delusional. You can't trust a delusional person when they tell you their delusion feels right. He was young, funny, vulnerable and naive, cute traits. He, himself, shouldn't be reduced at this stupid fake ass rock star shit. He was a full person with personalities, hobbies, humour, quirks, and struggles.

Dead was creative, deeply creative, liked art, was a musician, he was introspective, he liked black mental, he liked stuff, he loved his career, he loved stuff, he had flaws like being too much sometimes, he was quirky, edgy n dumb. He was a person. A young boy.

Im saying he liked stuff a lot because I think it humanizes him and is deeply beautiful he liked stuff, because he enjoyed certain things in his life. Because he was a person. He enjoyed, he felt sad at some points, he was scared at stuff (maybe not cockroaches, rats or death, but he had fears). He was a human person, he wasn't just a suicide rate or a shock value shit.

He wasn't the greatest person alive, of course, he was friend with a literal white supremacist and nazi guy. But again, does that really matters when discusing someone's suicide?

I don't even like the band, bc I don't like black metal in just find it horrific how black metal fans who supposedly liked Dead, just fails to see him as a person. It feels like I'm literally the only one who thinks he was a child once, a child from Sweden, a sweet playful child, and a nice young boy when he grew up yknow

He had his first day at kindergarten where he got nervous, or was excited or annoyed about it, he played pretend, sang like a silly boy would, he probably liked superheroes or something. He was a child once, and now he's dead, lifeless bc his brain and his own peers convinced him of something it wasn't true, convinced him that he should enjoy it, to perform. He's dead, and I shouldn't have to say that his death isn't supposed to be glamorized or seen as "Actual black metal". I don't even like the band and even I can see their members as fucking humans.

I don't grieve him, I don't cry for his death because I never truly connected with him as a person becusee I don't know him personally and I don't like the band so I don't grieve him as much as I cry for Chester's death, the same with Kurt Cobain, I don't cry for their deaths. But even i can acknowledge they were real people that should be respected and treated as human beings.

Kurt, Chester, Dead were someone's son, someone's friend, someone's relative. They were someone. They were people who killed themselves. They were real human beings. their death isn't "rad" "metal "gorey" "cool".

I dont cry for Kurt or dead, but I do cry for Chester because with Chester, he saved my life. but I still don't fail in seeing Kurt and dead as whole people with real struggles when their fans fail to admit that.

[little-jey]

It's the same anon again!

But apart from the need for control generally I'd noticed some specific things relating to Jiyong. I remember he was at this conference talking about investment for humanoid robots and he was like I'd make one that looks exactly like Jiyong, and then in a different interview he said he had this fantasy of Jiyong as his military jr and then both times said something (retrospectively very creepy) about how he could make him do anything he wanted.

The way he kept bringing up how light Jiyong was during the last tour, kept touching or picking him up without asking with this sort of glee-to the point that Daesung warned him off it in a very stern undaesunglike tone.

Then that one time around 2009 jiyong had started to say in an interview that sometimes in private he got a little anxious about how much seungri seems to like him but then probably realised how it sounded and cut himself off.

The one time Youngbae said that if they were all drowning Seungri would save Jiyong and be secretly glad he'd drowned out any competition for his attention.

anon, oh anon, these are beautiful observations.

these are such eerie moments that just show exactly how seungri worked, he always knew how to toe the line by ensuring his actions could always be 'played off' as something light yknow.

that humanoid robot one really freaked me out because you know he really would, and with how he still to this day name drops gd and seems to have this fucking delusion that gd still likes him, it feels like he still would do it if given the chance.

the military and picking up bit of this ask is what i kind of try to play on the most in my fic, because as we know i've written him to have this creepy (and not inaccurate) glee with having control over him and being able to do things to him (i.e. that moment where he could have kissed him and yet didnt- instead relishing in the knowledge that he could have done anything he wanted in that moment).

his behaviour towards jiyong is definitely creepy, to say the least. and the fact that dae and tae have both acknowledged this in the past honestly makes me pissed off with my own characterisations of them in my fic as being manipulated by seungri, where they try to convince themselves that their mentality is "worry about jiyong now, handle seungri later" (thanks to seungri expertly escalating everything to make jiyong worse and truly need their help, hence diverting attention from himself).

he's always been jealous of the fame and attention jiyong (and top) got because he knew he would never ever be able to live up to their legacies. he knew that gd and top could be very successful on their own if they didn't have bigbang, and that he would be no one. yes the great seungri did well, but respective to jiyongs albums, he absolutely dwarfs it. he couldn't stand that they were more popular, and he was so obsessed with that and money that it led to obvious things happening.

i could honestly go on about seungri for pages and pages but i fear people may get the wrong idea, so i shall end here, but my god. what a freak. his fans are freaks too, you blur out his face in a pic and the ot5 comments are SEUNGRI IS INNOCENT!!!!!! HE DIDNT DO ANYTHING IF YOU ACTUALLY READ THE CASE HES INNOCENT KILLYOURSELFKILLYOURSELFKILLYOURSELFANDYOURMOTHER!!!!!!! he's not gonna suck you off for defending him love :/ calm down a little.

anyway anon you should totally dm me because i wanna know if youve seen anything else and you seem very observant <3

[crowleys-hips]

i did something similar. i heard him talk about this, and i went, yknow what. i'm not gonna quit. i'm just gonna take a break. if i ever wanna go back, the cigs are there in my drawer. so i told myself, i'll just give it a 3 day break. and then when those days were up i said, ok just a few more days. the cigs are still there, it's ok. then around 3 weeks went by, and i was like, fuck it, i need a cig, so i got one. it made me nauseous. i haven't smoked since.

i also did this with s/h. i used to do it almost every day, and at first when i wanted to quit, i'd throw the blade away. only to get whatever sharp object within reach the next day. so then i kept clean ones, and first aid stuff. i'd still do it, but do it somewhat "responsibly." then i slowly did it less and less, while still keeping everything at hand, just in case the urge and overwhelming self hatred was too much and i caved. eventually -and i mean months and years- i kinda just. didn't do it as often anymore. like maybe a whole month would go by and i wouldn't notice. and then i have no idea how, but then i went whole months without doing it. i never really made it my goal to quit, i just thought to myself "you need to chill for a bit." so i did. eventually. this probably isn't super sound advice or the inspirational speech of the decade, because uh. last time i s/h was like 2 months ago, but before that i had gone about a year without doing it.

i also struggle with alcohol a lot. that's been the hardest one to quit. but i've learned that quitting cold turkey has never worked for me, or even telling myself that i'm gonna quit, because then i'll hyperfocus on not doing the thing, which inevitably makes me think of it more and i end up doing it more. instead, i just tell myself that if i still need it, it's there. but that it's also okay to not do it. that i don't have to listen to all my impulses. but that if i do, it's okay. i don't condemn myself for my instincts anymore, and that's been quite liberating. i still fuck up, but at least i don't hate myself as much as i used to for it.

anyway, that got long, sorry for rambling. that just really struck a chord with me. ok hugs to all bye

What was the biggest lifestyle change you made for health's sake? Was it quitting cigarettes?

In terms of life span, yes, it would have been giving up smoking in 1993.

[kledface]

I just need to get something off my chest cause im confused and i don't know what to do and i don't even know if i should do something and i don't know if im a bad person for this and i feel weird.

To start this off, i struggle to tell the difference for myself between platonic and romantic love, like, i deeply love my friends, but its in a friendly way, but like, its no different from how i would treat my partner, yknow. I struggle to know if there's a difference between the love i have for my friends and the love i have for my partners, but putting the name partners on it makes it feel more defined and it makes me massively stressed and i don't know if thats because of anxiety from my last relationships or if im not relationship material or what. I think my friend is hitting on me and i don't know why and i don't know what to do because like i love her but i dont know if its like that like i definitely wouldn't mind but she's with another one of my friends and granted i think they're both poly i have no idea if he would even be okay with it or if im reading too deep into this and like sure he's got other partners too but i think she's only with him so she could be monogamous and just cool with him being poly like i don't know and i don't get it but she says things in gaelic that are like i love you and my love to me and i dont know if she's being overly friendly or if this really is the case like she doesn't say these things to anyone else that I've seen so maybe its just a really close friendship? But she's also made other comments in other places when i marked that maybe i wished i had someone to cuddle me in a private place and i just wanted to get it off my chest and she made comments that she would totally cuddle me but like, i don't know, i feel dumb for questioning this but i just don't get it and i don't want to hurt her or let her down gods know i dont want to pursue something because im still hurting from the longest relationship i was ever in and im terrified of something like that happening again i'd absolutely hate if she got hurt and i wasn't able to stop it again and we don't even live in the same state as each other so gods know, i didn't want another relationship let alone a long distance one but if she said something i don't think I'd want to say no and its not like a oh this will strain our friendship and let her down thing i genuinely wouldn't mind pursuing something with her but i don't know if its a part of me that is actually interested in her that way or if it would just be for the fuck of it and i hate how confusing it is i just want to understand and i don't want to say something and sound like a self absorbed asshole even though i probably am and i hate that about myself but i also don't want to say nothing and make her feel like im leading her on because i genuinely love her but i don't understand the signals and i don't understand myself and i dont know if i want help i just need to get it out