#probably Because im so stressed. but it's making me more stressed
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Hi! I wanted to send in some headcanons so here we go! First off if you were to be in close proximity to poppy you'd occasionally hear her some sounds of bubbles popping this is because they reform and sustain themselves Sprouts a very stubborn guy so when he gets sick he tries to keep going and not to tell anybody unfortunately for him he has a tell where he becomes less vibrant and his leaves get more droopy (those two symptom's can also be applied to dandy) Finn's the type of guy who likes to move around a lot you can often see him bouncing on heels Boxten when especially stressed starts to play off key lullabies and other such tunes from his head! Rodger has some back pain (this is partially because he's older and because he has poor posture especially when he's working)
Glisten loves soap operas and so does toodles they drag Rodger off to join them! Shrimpo's natural body temperature is very warm he hates this Astro has a big sweet tooth this is also implied in conversations and with his drink preferences (hot cocoa and iced tea) Shelly really likes to eat stir-fry (to me if she was human she would be east asian think around the philippine) When vee gets especially annoyed or irritated her voice tends to get a static effect to it you can also hear her internal fan whir at times! Astro's not the type to get angry easily but when he does it's not a very unpleasant experience he doesn't really yell but he's the type to be very cold with it Goob generally enjoys physical contact in general its his love language due to this he tends to poke people passively and playfully! Scraps has some dyscalculia (dyslexia but for math) Teagan really enjoys the process of making tea its very calming and somethings when anxious she will just do it to calm her own nerves She also is the type to spoil toodles with gift's or candy whenever she can Rodger sometimes has to tell her to stop as to not give toodles any cavities Thats all! byee have a good day!
thing that stuck out to me the most was filipino shelly, but thats probably because im filipino lmao... all of these are indeed very great though
#freakin uhh mod daz#dandys world#dw#dandys world headcanons#dw headcanons#poppy dandys world#sprout dandys world#finn dandys world#boxten dandys world#rodger dandys world#glisten dandys world#shrimpo dandys world#astro dandys world#shelly dandys world#vee dandys world#goob dandys world#scraps dandys world#teagan dandys world
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"to get rid of sleep deprivation headaches, you should sleep between 7-9 hours at night-" no fucking shit google, do you think i would be googling this rn if i could sleep???
#damien.txt#day 4 in a row of not being able to sleep at night and having to go into work with god awful headaches#i know i've seriously fucked up my sleep schedule and so it's a bit my fault but like. jesus fucking christ brain can we please#have one nice thing. just one nice little time where we sleep and it's all good and fine#i literally have an exam today /: and it's a 3:30 class so im going to be dead on my fucking feet#and technically i have a night class from 6:30-9:20 but i've already decided im not going because i think i will actually pass out in it#this is really bad for me because so genuinely caffeine doesn't work on me. so i am full raw-dogging the exhaustion#and every single day this week has gone at a snail's pace bc i've been so tired. and none of it feels real. like im not processing it#which is so bad bc literally im like a week and a half away from finals. i have SO much to do. but my body has given up fr#probably Because im so stressed. but it's making me more stressed#everything is so cyclical. fuck. i just want to sleep. but i have to get ready for work#wish me luck /:
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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hmmmm mal du pays thoughts tonight
#radio rambles#i should go to bed but. it is on the mind#isat spoilers#<- for the . wall of tags to come#imm wondering what most people hc mdp to like. be#i know its most popular to see it as siffrins sadness. i do think thats p neat#and probably the intention#but im. juggling around the idea of? siffrin system moment? mdp as a headmate? if yall see that vision?#most inspired by that ‘do u hc this character as a system’ post abt siffrin#and i voted no then but now im like genuinely changing my mind JFKFKF#it makes sense in a way. and into my mdp hc that it. wouldve split while sif was very young#splitting due to stress which leads to a lot of. gestures vaguely. mdp’s whole thing#a mix of stress but also this sense of longing to. belong somewhere. to not be alone#many years ago it was about the loss of their home. and much later on became more related to its feelings towards their family#mdp is a scared child to me . idk about yalls hcs for it but thats what im sticking to#a scared child who maybe grew up a little alongside the body. but still Young and Scared#its not as often or eager to front as siffrin is. i can imagine it being much more hover-y or . POSSIBLY. cohosting if its feeling up to it#uhm. ok well#so i typed this out and now im actually really sad about mdp jgkdkf where is mdp recovery#now im kinda thinking about it fronting for once to properly meet the party and. and receiving comfort. and and and#wow christ im upset#also also glancing over at marias sibling au for character dynamics here….. sillies…..#ps not relevant to my mdp thoughts but fyi im imagining siffin in headspace looks very much like their body#the difference being. much darker clothes. more stars etc. maybe different hair#think like how a lot of ppl style their human loops. thats kinda how i imagine sif in headspace#SPEAKING OF LOOP#i think given the time he spent with them it woulf make sense if they split a loop as well#and ofc other members of the party jgkfkf#im not gonna get into my hcs there because ill b taking away from my mdp hc post BUT#thinking. always thinking
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do u guys think jack ever let members of the torchwood team fall asleep on him in the backseat. because i do.
#they have a stressful job and they are all sleep deprived look at me. they are passing out on him and he's just staying. so still.#like someone whose cat is on their lap.#how this ends differs for everyone because if its like gwen she's going to wake up probably and not even be fazed by her doing it#but like owen wakes up. makes a face. 'why does everything smell like jack- oh god' and then flails to get off of jack.#jack ignoring his flailing with an arm draped heavily over him until owen gives up and decides if theyre doing this he's getting as comfy a#he can at jack's expense.#wait i have more for the other two#light sleeper toshiko i know this in my heart. she's constantly waking up slightly and adjusting herself and falling back asleep.#jack helping by petting her hair or rubbing the back of her neck.#ianto can and will fall asleep face completely smushed into the side of jack's neck.#okay. okay. im done. im done.#torchwood
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have to work on a project today and an unrelated thing happened that just made me so so so so so mad (just some irl personal stuff), which normally derails my entire day because i find it so hard to come out of the angry/upset state and tend to just circle back and obsess over whatever triggered it but! today after 20 minutes of that i had a council meeting about it (<- what i call my decision making process) the outcome of which was putting it aside (!!!) for later when i could actually talk about it and resolve it (!!!) & in the meantime we could just do other stuff.
local man exuberant and jubilated to achieve feats of basic emotional self-regulation and was seen excitedly telling reporters he "never thought this day would come" and began giving a thank you speech to nobody in particular. more on this story as it develops
#good idea generator#more and more i find the most effective way to get things done is to have like. a council discussion in my head about it#my thoughts always feel really noisy especially when im upset & its easier to process what im thinking/feeling#if i imagine it as coming from many different sources with different opinions. rather than contradictory ones from me#bc then i get stressed about the contradictions. council discussion is easy bc you can let everyone say their whole perspective#so everyone gets listened to + then theres space to ask questions like 'is this helping or hurting?'#if you're wondering who 'we/everyone' is. its me. this is probably obvious but i never know what is typical when explaining how i think#or if im explaining it in a way that makes sense and is accurate to whats actually going on up there#arguably i dont think any language is ever truly 'accurate' to whats going on up there#feels like trying to see if other people see the same red as you do. what do you ask? and when you think you know how do you check?#anyway. i like the council because i used to just try to shut down negative or spirally thoughts#and it never worked ever it just made me feel more out of control. whereas now i have to listen to the whole thing#+ try to identify what the underlying fear or need is and try to address THAT#also awhile back i read the handbook for internal family systems therapy which has def influenced how i think of myself#now i have never actually done ifs or spoken to a practising professional so grain of salt and whatever#but i have found it is by far the way that makes the most sense for me personally to think abt myself and try to solve problems internally
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I have a wedding Pinterest I've perfectly curated for years, and this morning on a whim (I think I had a dream last night) I decided to change the entire color palette LMAO if u need me I'll be on Pinterest all day
#the only reason im glad im not engaged is because im already stressed about (wedding) decisions i don't have to make yet lmao#i am a mega Virgo i gotta plan every breath#so the more ideas i have now the more prepared i feel for when it actually is time to make it happen if that makes sense#and don't get me wrong#the first wedding idea was really pretty#it's colors were dark green terracotta/rust orange and burgundy#but i now would prefer the colors to be dark green and light blue#since those are like#OUR colors#i think they'd look real pretty#plus#I'd feel a lot better wearing a puppy blue suit than an orange one#i saw a suit this morning in that shade and was like#“that one. i wanna wear something like THAT”#I thought about wearing a lace blouse and vest but i just cant find any that look how I'd want#if you ask cy tho he'd probably say he knew i was gonna change my mind LMAO#i love to do that#puppy rambles
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Ohh im obssesed
#uprooted#uprooted naomi novik#solya#marek#my main playlists dedicated to them :]#idk why they cought my attention in 2018 and since that year they have had a special place in my heart. sometimes throughout my day-#i realise im obssesed with them and they're not just some random characters i like. ive dedicated a lot of time on them#i wonder how my interest in them will be when i get older. i certainly know that i will miss them if i stop thinking about them#you could say they have seen me grow. i knew them BEFORE quarantine. they were with me DURING. and AFTER#they have been through so many phases of my life. its so strange.#they changed so much too...except Marek. he still looks the same I imagined him in 2018. solya is definitely different tho#but i do think i have a different more in depth understanding of both characters#even if the words i read in 2018 are still the same now that i look back at the book. they were so many things unsaid but if u looked-#closely you could understand them. solya and marek as individual characters have so much depth...even if its not explicitly said#or maybe its just me reading between the lines too much. i wish i just knew more about them. this is getting so long-#but I got a bit nostalgic. is crazy how i was just a child and somehow even tho solya was just the total opposite of the type of characters-#i like there was something in him. something that made me look at him. and i think thats actually so in character of him#i think that in the book even if someone didnt like him. it was still hard to look away because he stood out from the rest.#there was definitely something about him that attracted people. or else how would have he gotten so far in his schemes?#I may be overanalyzing it. but i love the Falcon so much. and i do like marek a lot as a character. i find him very interesting. i know he-#did bad. terrible. things i like him as a character. not as a person.#i wish i could have seen what was going on in that damaged mind of his...#analyzing his behavior its so entertaining to me. i love making up scenarios where he is at his worst. im not gonna lie#marek suffering and then finding comfort in not comforting things is one of my favorite headcanons.#his obssesion with his mother is also a very important part of his character (ofc) and i love imagine him doing things related to that#thinking about the ways their personalities connect and make them have a very toxic bond keeps me up at night..they made each other worst#and we actually never see that in depth in the book. everything is so subtle but my crazy brain can find the signs in any part#i will stop this rant here. i feel its so long and if i made any spelling mistake i apologise to my future self (probably my self from-#tomorrow) because i know i won't be able to fix the misspelling and that will stress me SO MUCH.#future self please dont stress about it. just be happy. and enjoy thinking about these insane characters
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--whiney rant and vent--- starts at tumblr but descends into my life.
Fucking tumblr!! *grabs tumblr and aggressively shakes it*
Some new hell update has made it so every time I reblog a post, i go right back to the top of my dash and have to scroll half a mile through the posts Ive already seen to get back to the ones i havent yet seen and want to see!! And even with the scroll bar it takes ages and breaks the loading and makes it nearly genuinely unusable!!!
But Im still going to even though it sucks, because tumblr is my designated scroll and look at characters time and be with mutuals. And yes this is a very small whiny thing to rant about, especially given the state of the damn world, but with the rest of my life imploding in many numbered crisises that even one of would be apparently considered a fairly major thing to have to deal with im now realsising because through massive amounts of avoidance id just gone "this is fine" despite being very reasonably banned from the word fine by 5 different people and then me, and then others going 'wow that really is alot' semihorrified, and I awkwardly laugh because i am used to this and its not that bad and whatever stupid shit i tell myself to keep going.
So yes, whining about tumblr because at this point its a load bearing coping mechanism. And its somewhat a last straw because i am barely hanging on as it is but ill deal with this like everything else because there isnt any other options.
#astra stuff#ill survive this i just got to be dramatic about it first#and some of this stuff i dont think im actually being dramatic about because its really not fine#yknow the stressed and terrified with the whole trying to move out and figuring out how possibly can i because at this point i really need#chronic illnesses being chronic annoyingly#trying to hold everyone together and then myself too#dumb panic attacks because im on a hair thin trigger but shrugging them off halfway through because i dont have time nor energy for this#the whole fucking cpstd thing which apparently psychologists dont hand out like halloween candy#so there really is a problem here given meeting the diagnostic critera#and what happened to me being just so incredibly Fine!#you can probably at this point see exactly the reason why i write scott like i do#okay apparently more dumb rant in the tags#and im getting really sick of the goverment social whatever services fucking hold music#plus the daily attempt convince my stupid emotions that nooo everyone does not despise me in particular that doesnt even make logical sense#ugh#cant exactly say im fine but i am getting help for what i can
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honestly still the biggest personal tragedy of session 5 is that when grian joined gem in the tower building. in gems episode, there were almost a solid 10 minutes of just that. them hanging out, calm, peaceful, no danger, away from people that could hurt them . and guess what ? grian left LESS THAN 3 MINUTES OF THAT IN HIS EPISODE dbjksffejw
#rant in tags#gems episode straight up got me to start drawing the most complicated fanart in a year or so just of that scene#and grian just. cut most of it out#(gem probably did too. but come on g. only 3??)#i think i know what im feeling. i called it in a yt comment on session 2 or so#im clinging to the last remains of peace and happiness we get#i watched every pov and i think this episode grian's is my favourite (even if he cut out most of my fav scene overall)#he almost died' rigged a charity' loved bdubs and built a tower. it was nice#he barely interacted with the reds (love them too but). he was just hanging out. the cleoðo&grian & i guess bdubs team is my fav#literally not a single spec of danger in that house. all positivity (thanks etho for starting the 'we love bdubs' day too bdw)#even martyns single trap got disarmed immediately#i was hoping for an grian & cleo team because of the potential for chaos but i think i love this more at least for now#ive been thinking too. the heart foundation honestly stresses me out so much#i love them with all my heart. i do#but i dont trust bigb at all. havent since episode one and wont start now. feels like that man has no loyalty to tango and skizz#hes very fun dont get me wrong but he makes me worried. i still have no idea what his deal is#theyre also very open. no fortification ( i like walls theyre safe)#and their system is very easy to rig (as shown in this episode)#(also bigb straight up saw grian throw his quartz in and said NOTHING)#“this is a death game! why do you not want death? what are you even here for?” SHUSH#this is all /positive. its good stress#(and i love death and betrayal martyn's win is my fav ending so far)#i just got too used to the peace and happiness at the beginning#i did not mean to rant this much but i have a lot of feelings about this series i dont have anywhere else to express#trafficblr#secret life
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sorry just. jesus christ.
#taylor.txt#me: you’re on my case about me needing to communicate with you and i do my best to do that so i need you to communicate with me too#her: i don’t like talking about it when im upset#me: okay but we need to talk about it because i need to know what happened and how i can help and support you if i can#her: but if i talk about it i stop being aloof and mysterious. you can figure it out#????????? no i can’t that’s why i need to talk about it with you#like oh my god. god forbid i say something too deadpan and accidentally convince her im mad at her and then have to spend days soothing her#when like. in reality i’m just tired and feeling sick and focusing on not passing out#but she often laughs about the fact she probably has bipolar or bpd or some kind of personality disorder that she doesn’t want to get#doesn’t want to get diagnosed with.* because she thinks that it makes her more mysterious and quirky#you are not ramona. you are not quirky and cool and stoic. you are stressing me out and demanding i communicate with a brick wall#like idk i do my best to be open and communicate!! doing my best to not run at the first sign of trouble!!#but it just frustrates me that she’s always demanding that i do more of that when she won’t communicate and gets upset for me asking her to
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was at work for an extra HOUR tonight. gonna buy myself a fucking burger and read worm and NOT be productive. and I'm not even gonna feel guilty about it !!
#head in hands.#had to fuckign. euthanize a lionfish 5 minutes before my shift ended. which is a process that takes . like a half hour#but it took Extra Long because it was just me n one othrr person. and neither of us have handled a lionfish on our own before#had 2 prep it for necropsy and my hands were SO fuckign shaky. god.#nothing like handling venomous animals when you are one of 4 people left in the entire building!!!!!!!!!#anyway. ugh. thats probably more info than im supposed to share but god i am STRESSED and UPSET and TIRED#i already haaaate making the call for euthanasia ESPECIALLY when its not one of my primary systems#but i also didnt want him 2 die overnight and leave it for the 2nd or 3rd shift to deal with because they are COMPLETELY on their own#so it was. safer this way for everybody. but GOD i hate doing it#going 2 feel the . poetic malaise about this later. anyway. worm and burger time . worm burger.#blahblahblah
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im so going to puke from all of this stress and anxieties im getting it’s not even funny
#im stressed out about school. im stressed out about my party. im stressed about trying to manage making posts on here.#im so… exhausted.#i might need to take a break.#NOT a long one!! i just need some time to get through the marking period of my school and my party AND THEN I’ll be back to posting on here#it’s been… putting me off from eating and drinking. it doesn’t feel good having all of this stress on me.#i know it’s not from being stressed out from being on tumblr but like… some small parts… it is.#but it’s largely school and my party.#it’s been making me more irritable towards some people irl and really anxious too…#i just need to time to push through those things#and less time centering around being online#because if i don’t get my mental health back together then i won’t be able to make any actual posts for myself or for you guys…#I’ll probably be back around November. Just. Don’t think I left you guys. Okay?#I’ll be reblogging some stuff but I’ll still be on break which means I won’t be around to posting stuff; to answering the inbox;#or to answering messages either. I hope you all understand I’m not avoiding you but that I’m trying to help fix a bump in the road for my#mental health. Thank you if you read these tags. I’ll see you guys in a bit. :)#(me reblogging stuff will be sent through my queue. that will be getting it’s own queue/break tag. you’ll see it when it happens or#when it gets added to the pinned post.)
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what is it about working on my assessment that has me spiralling into every single bad thought about every bad thing in my life
#ramblings#my life is genuinely not worth living and nothing is ever going to get better and why do i even try at this point#what am i doing this all for#like who the fuck am i kidding. im not going to get a good life after school#im going to rot in this useless fucking body because ive got zero balls to do anything about this fucking gender dysphoria#and then im probably going to kill myself or just go through the rest of my life completely depressed if i dont have the guts for that#so literally why am i trying why do i care about all this#like who gives a flying fuck about getting good grades im literally never going to be happy#this isnt going to make me happy its just stressing me out more i should just stop fucking caring#nothings ever going to get better anyway#vent
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1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!
2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr
3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!
overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!
#aritalks#i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use#not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before#and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk#but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow#also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years#(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years#and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight#so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday#my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work#my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all#over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered#(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting#when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so#just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my#mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her#and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too#i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure#out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still#dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not#the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one#if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it#but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help#and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks#just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️
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im beginning to think that i am mentally ill and the internet makes my mental illness Worse
#i dont often get personal on this blog but im going to be so honest idc anymore. no one has 2 read this if they dont wanna i promise#but anyway. if *ACCIDENTALLY* rbing a Bad post and deleting it within ~5 seconds of it happening AND blocking the op#is enough to send me into one of my downward spirals of NEEDING to check my notes and inbox#and opening and closing my blog to make sure its Actually deleted and im not just Imagining its deleted#in order to feel even slightly okay#only to immediately remember/realize that blog notifications on mobile not only send INSTANTLY upon a rb happening#but show every detail of the post and dont stack either#therefor sending me even FURTHER into my checking and sending me into a panic#because this means people possibly Wont Know It Was A Mistake and instead might think its a genuine opinion of mine#therefor making me panic MORE#if ALL OF THAT is just because this fucking website cant impliment a proper quick-rb button for desktop#and a mistake happened#then i dont think the internet is good for me at this point and i think i need to smash all of my devices#i already get a lot of those like... needing to do Something to make sure nothing bad happened/happens#like i get that a lot already from my irl life i do NOT need it to happen online too.#because like.. i dont know WHO saw that. so am i making a huge fuss out of nothing/a mistake everyone could have made?#yes! probably! but i cant really stop myself now that ive started so this is going to Legit Haunt Me which is Not Normal!#whatever mannnnn#got so upset over this i cried and then circled back around to just Mildly stressed to apathetic entirely within the span of 4 minutes#still checking my notifs/inbox every two seconds but at this point ive accepted Someones probably gotten a notif and well. nothing i can do#kitkat chitchat
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