#price isnt walking later

[cod-dump]

Graves: Nik, would you do me a favor?

Nik: Of course.

Graves: John's been a fucking pain all afternoon.

Nik: Ah. What do I do?

Graves: Turn him inside out for me.

Nik: With pleasure :)

[nenoname]

looking over the shots of the murder hut/the early mystery shack and noticing details like the unibear being in gift shop from the start and stan rolling out the bill carpet and later putting bill in the mystery shack sign himself

the wires/machinery/door not being changed yet but it seems like the vending machine was there since early on

[moeblob]

Me, too, Blade. Me. Too.

(I am taking donations to buy a gigantic $250 stuffed cheeseburger. It's giant. I want it. I will never obtain it. I saw it in a shop window and..... wow. Big.)

[feelo-fick]

WELCOME TO PHIO'S EXTREMELY SELF INDULGENT AU HOUR!!!

"Oh, FINALLY, another visitor! It's so quiet in here, it's unnerving..."

—

This AU was meant to be posted on halloween but eh.... Happy Thanksgiving? HAHAHHA

still dont have a name for it, but basically, back in october i was suddenly hit with the need to have a halloween au, so now we have ghost-ified prismo and vampire/witch-ified scarab :D ( although didnt finish the scarab reference spread in time because uh, school and i lost motivation unfortunately )

au synopsis and rambling below the cut!!

the premise of this au is simple : scarab is a real estate agent whos known for his manners ( never barges in, always waits to be invited! though it is a little weird how he keeps asking to be let inside even if they already agreed that he was going to come over... ) and efficiency at his job - that is, convincing people to buy high-end housing for a good price. although his social skills need some... work, his ability to persuade people isnt something to be laughed at.

unfortunately for him, persuading the higher-ups is a completely different story - which he learned the hard way after flunking something big for the company. they dont choose to fire him, no. instead, they put him through a trial, assigning him to sell their most unprofitable property : the mansion in a small town locally known for being haunted by an "evil spirit". if scarab manages to sell it (for good profit) within six months, he is excused and is able to go on with his job. if not... well, best not to think about it, yes? after all, he'll succeed with ease - all he has to do is dispel any worries about some fake "ghost" that only exists as a result of filthy rumors. maybe clean up the place. not too hard, right?

meanwhile, stuck inside said mansion is an extremely bored prismo. hes been hangin around this place for like... how many years now? forty? a hundred? meh, all the same, lately the place has been quieter than usual. i mean- of course people dont just walk into a creepy mansion every day, but there would usually be at least a few bold kids or vloggers coming in now and then for him to entertain but even then they wouldn't stay long ( for obvious reasons ). and now, just some unbound spirits or dumb animals would pass by and thats about it. a guy can only entertain himself for so long, yknow?

that is, until today. when some posh-looking business man entered the premises and started snooping around ( whats the deal with that, by the way?? ). must be prismo's lucky day!! this is the perfect chance to pull out all the stops and play the FUNNIEST prank ever! hah!

... oh. looks like things've gotten a little out of hand.

—

WOOT WOOT WOOTTTTTTTTTTT!!! im so so happy to finish this because ohhhhh my god this has taken ages for no reason other than the fact that ive been really dragging myself to make presentable art JSNDJSJXNSJX.... i realize that i have never worked in real estate ( or at all ) which means i have probably fucked something up but uhh um ill deal with the backlash later :"D im also realizing how many odd unanswered bits and bobs this au is going to have in the future, which... i am ignoring for the most part for now, but there are SOME things that i DO have figured out like ghost lore... but thats for another time, for now i leave you with this >:)

[jackmanbj]

shopping

jack had the rare day off in which means you had the whole day to yourself with him, but before that he had to go see maggie to help her build something with clay.

you took this opportunity to get ready for the day you had planned that jack knew nothing about. about 2 hours later jack walked through the front door to your shared bedroom to find you sitting on the bed fully dressed “i thought we were watching movies and staying in today ma, where you tryna go?” you quickly looked up from your phone giving him your best puppy dog eyes “j baby, can we please go to the mall”

jack looked at you and frowned playfully, “mamas.. i loving spoiling you but, i dont know if i want to spend over 5,000 dollars today..” you jumped up out the bed “ please babyy, ill let you give me a limit but only in certain stores” you said as you smiled jack glared at you and sighed “come on ma go get in the car.” you smiled ans ran to the car

once you two got to the mall you quickly ran into victoria secret and started looking for your size jack looked around with you picking up every bra and thong “you should get this ma” “jack..that isnt even my size put it down!” not even three minutes later he had something else in his hand “oo, ma get this!!” “jack i swear- go wait outside the store.”

after you left the store with four new bags jack quickly tried to see what you got “lemme see ma” “jack stop! you’ll see when we get home lets go” you quickly found your way to gucci and jack looked nervous “uhmm baby, i dont think we should be in here” “huh why not j?” he looked at you and looked at the price of a $4,000 purse “because this place is expensive as hell!” you rolled your eyes and walked to the next section of the store as he followed behind you

after about 4 hours in the mall you both were in the car listening to music as you happily put your bags in the car. you looked at jack and seen he looked upset “what’s wrong baby?” “baby.. you spent over $2500 in 5 stores.” he said looking down at your new gucci, sephora, victoria’s secret, louis vuitton, and marc jacobs “but i got something from victoria secret i think you’ll love for later so just wait till we get home baby” jack looked at the bags and started the car “bet.”

[hellofastudysession]

am i rlly going to write a death note literary analysis when i could be doing other things

about the discourse going on in the tag abt "death note is acab and thats why the characters couldnt better the world with the note (/written in somewhat jokey matter)" vs "death note is trying to say we all have potential for evil, especially if you get a chance to insta-hurt ppl without repercussions, and it doesnt matter if youre a cop or not", i personally feel like it ignores the things that i like abt death note, which is "both of these things are true", and simultaneously "both of these things do not matter". the first part of this is dedicated to the first point, the latter to the last.

first point. i think its an important part of the message and themes (unintentional or not, and i lean on the former because... come on, can you really say the author intended you to not think of the cops as good people, at least compared to light and l) that light is a cops son, and that almost everyone who gets the death note is cop adjacent/thinks like a cop and is already corrupt/powerful when they get it (mello raised to think hed be just like l, yotsuba group is self explanatory; you cannot look me in the eyes and tell me teru "churchill" mikami, who was hand selected by light out of a bunch of rabid kira supporters, is a normal citizen). i appreciated the cop post bc its rlly important to not gloss over that aspect.

all of this would be an argument for "only someone like them would do something like this, and i am not like them, so im above them and immune to thinking about what id do with it", but... misa is the MOST important outlier in all of this bc her murders are solely selfish in nature and shes not doing any of this for "the greater good"!!! her nature of being an exception and still a very very bad person is really really important...

or it would be if death note gave a shit about her character at all!!! im not talking about her tragic side, im talking about exploring the ramifications of her killing people the way lights murders are (somewhat) explored. that would strengthen the message greatly! but shes dismissed and that weakens it overall. firstly, she's dismissed by the characters when l only sees her as a way to get to kira and basically shelves her the rest of the time. secondly, shes dismissed by the narrative when her character is gradually ground down to a stump and (not to sound perilously close to the bad takes ppl meme about) she never faces repercussions for her actions. every other character using the death note is treated relatively seriously, but misa just dies bc her love is dead. im not saying this isnt a... fitting punishment or that it isnt in character, but it doesnt fit snugly into the theme other people are talking about of "you reap what you sow" at all.

we do have something of an equivalent to misa's grayscale motives. surprise surprise, its light yagami. first is light's characterization in the musical (i will also note that misa never kills anyone in the musical). light's thinking is coplike, yes — he literally starts his first song by talking about "throw[ing] away the key" — but also, oddly enough, could be read as progressive and therefore sympathetic to tumblr ("let the corporations make the regulations / and hold no one accountable when everything gets wrong / let the rich and famous get away with murder / every time a high-priced mouthpiece starts to talk, his client gets to walk"). compare to the anime and manga, where his bigotry and pride and disgust come from a place of lukewarm dissatisfaction and boredom. the musical has much less time to play around with lights character, so it gives the audience something to immediately hook on. more on how that actually plays out later.

in the animanga, none of this is justified from the start. animanga light could say he was just killing people to make humanity way, way worse, and that wouldnt matter, because at the root of it, it was always his boredom that made him pick up the note. of course he actually believes in justice and believes hes doing the right thing (no, he believes he's doing the wrong thing, for the sake of the world... the right thing, because he is god...), but it was boredom at the start. all animanga light says about justice and righteousness and the law is a front in the end, bc he is exactly like l and misa — amoral. selfish. searching for entertainment. hedonistic. we know this. he kills naomi misora*. he kills lind l. turner. everything hes saying deserves to be dismissed from the beginning.

"but doesnt that mean you agree with the discourse post you wrote this post to argue against?" like i said, i agree with both of them! but i... still think its not right to reduce death note to the message of "the power to kill people is bad". because that is not exactly what the story is saying, even though that's literally its whole plot and therefore reaching that conclusion is self explanatory (lmao). let's look at the concept of mu. nothingness. "there's no heaven or hell". The Real Slay The Princess (Death Note Essay) Starts Here.

in light's final moments in the death note manga, while screaming about not wanting to die, he remembers that the first day they met, ryuk told light that "there's no heaven or hell. no matter what they do in life, all people go to the same place. all humans are equal in death". it is retroactively revealed that light knew this the whole time, operated under this knowledge for all the years we watched him — the knowledge that nothing he does is actually bad, that nothing any human does is actually bad, that shinigami are not "evil", that the universe does not care. that no one cares except humans. this oblivion absolutely terrifies him more than anything anyone could ever do to him. its what he thinks of before anything else as he flails there, screaming, dying. one could say everything he does after that day is him trying to escape that fact, or wrest control over it. but it doesnt work.

here are the lyrics of requiem, the musical's final song, sung over the bodies of l and musical light, a light who was at least somewhat good-intentioned at first: "sleep now, here among your choices / then fade away / hear how the world rejoices / shades of gray / gone who was right or wrong / who was weak or strong / nothing left to learn". this is the final message the death note musical and the manga chose to leave us with. there is no judgement. even after all that acknowledged hurt, after all the damage done, there is no judgement.

in the manga and anime alike, the world is just as fucked when light picks up the death note as when he dies. sure, we as readers can guess otherwise logically (and be optimistic, believing the world was never fucked regardless), but that's not what death note wants you to think. it ends with matsuda and another member of the task force noting how the world is worse again even though they killed kira (matsuda is clearly much worse for wear, but still determined), we see the shitty motorcycle band again, it ends with misa and a whole kira cult on a mountain even though kira died a long time ago...

its extremely important that light is never killed by any human or any aspect of the law. he is always killed by ryuk: a chaotic force completely detached from human sensibilities, one that does not care about good and evil. same with l; in the anime, manga, and musical, he is always killed by rems senseless, morally gray love (and you could argue in the kdrama that hes killed by love there too lol). justice is just a set dressing.

this is not just because death note is a tragedy, because good and evil can still matter in a tragedy. the theme of "nothingness" and "good and evil doesnt matter here" is also shown in a situation relatively unrelated to light winning or losing, or being good or bad. and its in fucking lawlight of all things. we all know ls not a good person. we know lights not a good person. this is tip of the iceberg death note knowledge. but the moment they start to interact, none of that starts to matter. textually, their relationship becomes more important than the people theyve killed and hurt. and the thing is? the thing is? THAT WORKS STORY-WISE. THAT'S ENTERTAINING. AND IT'S NEVER TEXTUALLY CALLED OUT IN A LASTING WAY. l and lights relationship, no matter how much i meme it, is genuinely important to the themes and "mu" because it makes it clear that despite all the pretensions, despite everything, this was never about good and evil. and it still works in the story. this is why death note is simultaneously a comedy — isn't the battle of good and evil supposed to matter more? well, fine, i'll keep watching this anyway. that suspension of disbelief comes crashing down the moment l dies, though, and a relationship built on nothingness (the "mu" sort, meaninglessness, not "character development" nothingness, theres plenty of character development) gives way to just nothingness (again, "mu", not light's post-l depression nothingness), forever.

(an aside: there is no one to root for in death note, and the only things to root for are either interesting character relationships, convoluted plots, or complete and total destruction: for everything to end so no more damage is done.)

not to say that death note does not encourage its readers to consider what damage they might do with the death note (obviously.), or that its characters never do. look at matsuda, a much easier heroic figure to latch on to than soichiro because of his unique place in the cast dynamic and because he's willing to consider both sides of the situation and kill light instantly for all he's done. its just that the story's own stance on the subject is... complicated by the existence of shinigami worldviews and by its own insistence that the world cannot change for the better.

also, this is not to say that this is executed well by the death note manga at all. it is a very strong tool, artistically, to establish and then violently remove any emotional connections between characters and make your story only about the exceedingly convoluted lengths characters go to to survive and catch each other so the reader can realize how ultimately pointless all of this is, but like... is that a good story choice if that's all you do? i would say not really. add in a good dollop of misogyny that destroys the second-to-last character who might actually be an interesting contrast to the rest of the cast's dull one-track focus on winning and justice, and youve got yourself a shitty story that... honestly still achieves what it went out to do, just not in a way id ever want to replicate.

anyway, back to the parts death note's actually trying to say. no matter what any human does in their life, no matter how they try to hurt or help the world, they all die in the end. hey, light, they all die in the end. once dead, they can never come back to life. and the seasons turn. and the world rejoices. and you say "goodbye"...

that's all.

no analysis of death notes overarching theme would be complete without nears final monologue, the definitive roast of light, the "you're just a murderer" speech: "what is right from wrong? what is good from evil? nobody can truly distinguish between them. even if there is a god." if we take this as talking about the actual god in the room (ryuk) as well as light, then near admits that humans will never be able to withstand these overwhelming forces and that, using justice and happiness and selfishness, they are just scrabbling to find meaning in things they ultimately have no control over.

but of course, near does not stop there. "[...] even then i'd stop and think for myself. i'd decide for myself whether his teachings are right and wrong." nears alright with not having control over everything, because near can still control nears own actions. these forces can and do exist, but they have no sway over nears own humanity — unlike light, who caved.

one of the creators of death note said they believe its message is "life is short, so everyone should do their best". the first time i learned this, i was like, thats... nice and optimistic, but an awful reading of the story! "life is short, so everyone should be desperate and striving like light yagami", who literally cut off other ppls lives for his own life? what character in death note are we supposed to strive towards when we "do our best"? they all do awful things with their lives! honestly, maybe they shouldnt have tried their best, if this is what their best is!

but with the view of "mu"... it makes a bit more sense. just a little. maybe.

there is no good and evil. there is only what humans think, and no matter what we do, we all die in the end. it is easy to be crushed and terrified by this in the same way light is, but what is more important than justice and righteousness and finding meaning is... doing your best. not being a person that hurts others too much. not letting yourself get swallowed up by an ideal. not going too far. and simultaneously, trusting yourself.

it leaves a few questions, though... was the currently dead l even a little bit right about his blatantly amoral approach, then? was there a point to this pain, and me slogging through this dumbass manga, and all the people that have lost their lives to a selfish teenage cop's son and the whims of everyone chasing after him? was there a point to any of this...?

the manga** never answers this. it stays clinically impartial until the very end. the musical is anything but clinically impartial (and i love it so much for that), and its ryuk that has the last word.

"there's no point at all."

of course theres no point. none of this was ever supposed to happen. that is what matters more than all the hurt and the crimes and the pain.

and that's... actually okay, because it's over now.

yes, death note has many really important themes present in its story, but its viewpoint is nihilism first and foremost. thats why its so fun and easy to play around with all the other messages, because no matter what fun or torment or awful things or righteous justice or absolute nothingness or sentimentality happens in between, there is always an end.

there is always the end.

[inncubus-honey]

this is mw2 canon. im ignoring mw3 for now. no editing as well. just a little something as i work on something else, enjoy.

simon riley thought he lost everything all over again when your body crumpled to the ground in front him during a mission years ago, just the two of you doing a recon mission. a storm of bullets were raining around yall when one had nicked your neck as you ducked for cover with simon.

he dragged your body next to him behind the crate he was hiding behind, your hand clamped down on the gushing wound as you started up at him with wide, doe eyes as he hovered over your body. blood slipped from your lips, staining them in a crimson hue.

"simon..." your voice was horse as you called out to him. his copper eyes widen as well as he moved to hold you in his arms, comforting you to the best of his ability in the bullet storm continued.

"you're gonna be okay, love...please for me.." he whispered to the universe as he had grown to love your company in the 141. he loved drinking tea with you outside whenever yall could or cooking dinner together for the barracks that night.

as you continued coughing up blood with your eyes fluttering shut every now and then, simon called for an evac and medical help in his radio which was met by a call from price.

when he reached the heli with you in his arms, price gently guided him onto heli and nikolai took off for base. upon arriving back at base, price had to gently remove your body from simons arms who held you in a death grip to his chest.

"simon...you need to let them go." price spoke as he tried to remove from simons grip. his gaze only sitting ahead of him at the seat in front of him as he continued to bring you closer to his chest.

"simon, lad..." price whispered to him which caused simon to finally go limp in grip on you, crumpling in the seat as price handed your body off to someone else. unbeknownst to simon, price had to fake your death as you were chosen for an undercover mission and had be dead to the world.

years later, the 141 sends simon and soap to mexico to help with el sin numbre. upon entering the masion where they were located and finding valeria to be el sin numbra, simon met up with soap and alejandro on the roof. when talking with others, you were brought up to the roof by alejandro who found you in valeria office as her right hand. alejandro threw you by your arm before soap and simon, alejandro telling you to give them any information you have on valeria.

simons body frozen at the sight of you before him. he saw you die. he held you in his arms as it happened. he looked over you as you stood before him; his eyes catching the long white scar on your neck. your eyes were more tired, more lines and crows feet, more scars littered your face and skin the more he looked.

"simon...its been awhile." you joked with a crooked smile as simon walked closer to you. soap and alejandro watched on in confusion as to what was happening with you two. before you had a chance to move back from how close he was getting to you, simon took hold of your wrist to keep you right in front of him.

your eyes searched his eyes for any kind of reaction as he got closer to your face. your face burned as he got closer, its been years since you were close to him and you missed it.

"im sorry for not telling you, simon...but i couldnt tell cause of the nature of mission", you started speaking to him as he just watched you over,"t-this isnt how i wanted to reunite with you, simon..." you told him as he gently moved his hand from your wrist into fully holding your hand.

the heat upon your cheeks was deepen as simon gave you his full attention, waiting to hear the full story as to why he lost you.

"i know i left you in such a state...i remember wanting to drop out of the mission when we were on the heil and you held me. but shepard wouldnt let me drop at that point, i should have told you in some way about the mission...i see i was wrong for not doing so now." your wavered in some points as simon kept not on saying anything leaving you to remember how he wouldnt release you on the heli.

"oh stop being so stoic, simon. go on...shout, scream, say something!" you wanted the tense silence between you both to end with either simon speaking or walking away or something. his copper eyes softened as he slowly brought up a hand to cup your cheek, brushing his gloved thumb along the apple of your cheek.

"you're as beautiful as the day i lost you..." his voice was gruffer than you remember, but you still remembered it as your simon. tears welled up in his eyes as he brought into his embrace upon the rooftop. his love was back in his arms, his love was alive and thats all that mattered to him.

simon riley felt whole again after years and this time he was not letting you go.

[ludinusdaleth]

a travesty ive barely posted meta for artagan here when anyone who knows me knows ive written universes about him. so, a bit to ponder on:

something interesting about artagan - and by extension many fae in cr in general - is how thoroughly he's defined by selfishness as the core value of a fae, when we are shown time & again even before artagan gets his redemption arc that that isnt true.

now, arti is selfish. hes the definition of lust, & sloth, & sheer debauchery. he'd rather sit back than help even his favorite little tiefling (at first - more on that later). he would rather abandon his followers to an island that would destroy their memory than attempt to lead them.

but.

he planned for his followers to land on rumblecusp because to him, a fae, losing memories was completely Insignificant - and he literally did some of their paperwork to help them along, and did the work to ensure travelercon left them with each other. he was benevolent enough to vm their first meeting, showing incredible patience despite their disregard for him. he saved vex from drowning. he chose to befriend jester after seeing her be hurt by lord sharpe's son. he comforted jester when he could, when he never needed to. this is all before The Travelercon Kick, before he agreed to help the m9 into the feywild & shift time for them for no price, before he helped jester battle trent/omentis and made sure his spells did not hurt innocent bystanders.

this isnt some garuntee that he, pre-jester, was any saint. but what sticks out to me is how much the trait of selfishness is vastly applied to him. not only does sehanine's angel refer to him as a selfish creature twice, but he refers to himself that way the episode before. it is as if he has endless history with being called that, as if he is the most vile creature by virtue of being an archfey, and he made peace with that, leaned into that until jester walked into his life.

which always leads, in my head, to thinking about the fae of this show in general. they are so vastly blanketed as dangerous. and some are. but the more you analyze it the more you see how it's less integral to their being, and more what they accept they are. if youre seen as a monster, and whimsy is inherent to you, you will play the role to see what happens (i see this in characters like ira immensely). we see the younger generation of fae raised away from these generalizations - fearne & morrighan - break the stereotype near entirely. sure, fearne picks pockets and loves her friends lowkey possessively - but weve seen time & again how thats playful, and gives way to so much selflessness she's falling apart at the seams, only just now telling the party her fears. and morrighan shows no possessiveness at all, being shy & near subservient as a waitress. they are living proof that a fae's worst traits are a matter of nurture.

watching artagan is watching some of his peak fae-court upbringing begin to break down by exposure to a different world. i always recall how both he & ira hiss at the feywild for its contradictions, its rules when it's a land built for free wills - which implies the fae are not let to be themselves, but have their culture shaped by courts so strict they wont even let fae leave to exandria. the worst ideas about them begin to shatter the more cr tells us how fae society has fallen into something like an oil slick into an ocean - literal imagery used by athion & yu. the fae's free existence has been polluted.

artagan was our first example of all of that. and how it's possible to become better.

[pbandjesse]

I am tired. It was a nice day but I just feel exhausted. James keeps telling me that it's okay. That I'm allowed because I'm growing a person. But it doesn't make me feel better. I just feel bad because I can't do anything.

I didn't sleep great. My nose was bleeding and scabby again. I just couldn't breathe and it just wasn't comfortable.

I would get waken up by a piece of machinery outside. I think it's like a cherry picker. But whatever it is it was loud and blinking and clanking. James would come upstairs. They said that they figured that would wake me up. And I was happy to see them. We laid in bed together for a little bit. But soon I got up and went to get ready for the day.

I was trying very hard to feel alright. I didn't have much energy but I was trying. I wore my favorite jumpsuit. And my golden record necklace. I was doing okay.

James brought me cereal and I would hang out in bed. We had a semblance of a plan for the day. To get lunch at a diner, to go to the garden center to get Christmas ornaments (something we do after James's birthday every year), and then go to my rhumatologist appointment.

I wasn't entirely sure when we should leave to accomplish all of that. James decided we should leave at 11. Sounded good to me. So I spent some time hanging out in our room. I painted my toes. Hung out with sweetp. And eventually James came to get me so we could go.

It was nice outside. We started with jackets but took them off pretty fast.

We went towards the garden center and went to a pretty classic chrome diner. James got a patty melt, I got a grilled cheese. I was in a better mood once I had some caffeine. And I was just enjoying talking to James. I made them laugh at one point so hard and it was such a good feeling.

The food was good but we brought most of the fries home. I enjoyed my sandwich but I really have to take my time eating. My stomach just hurts so quickly. It isnt fun. James tried to be encouraging, tells me it's okay, but I also just feel like I have to work through it. Even if it's hard and makes me not feel good. It's like resting my new limits.

We went to the garden center next. And they weren't all the way set up for Christmas yet, they didn't have their trees outside. But the inside was beautiful. It always is. So many lights. I love walking around and seeing the silly themed ornaments. There were plenty that I liked a lot. I also just really loved watching James looking at the tiny Christmas villages. They always love those, it's like a train set without the train. Later I would encourage them to put one together in our bedroom on the dresser. I hope they do. It would be so nice.

We would get three ornaments. One is actually on a stick, and you stuck it in the tree instead of hanging it. That one is a reindeer. I also got a giraffes. I love the brissle animals. And now we have 4. Last year we got an otter and a squirrel.

James wanted to get one to represent our baby. We have been leaning on tree imagery for her but we wouldn't find any good non evergreen trees ornaments. So instead we would get a beautiful bowl of cherries. Which was stupid expensive but super nice. It was a good pick.

We looked at the artificial trees next. We have one saved on Amazon but I wanted to buy one in person if we could. But that would not be in happen at this store. The trees ranged from $600 to $2500!! It was insane! Like yes they were nice but not seriously nicer then what I've seen at Home Depot. It was seriously wild. James was having me try and guess the prices and it was truly shocking. Especially when they had signs on them about only having one or two left of a certain model.

So we will probably just order one online.

We didn't time the day well enough to go directly from the garden center to my appointment. So we would go home for a while. Which was good. I was feeling dehydrated and super tired all of a sudden. Being in the car made me not feel great. And I was really happy to be back here.

I laid on the couch for a while. James went to bike around the park for a half hour. And I enjoyed having the back door open. The air felt good.

James got back and I would go upstairs for a little. And soon it was time to go again.

We got to my appointment and I have to say it was a weird time.

I got up to the office. Chatted with the desk girls and another woman in the waiting room. I wasn't taken back for 20 minutes. And weirdly they had me go to the infusion room. Strange. Then a medical assistant never came to speak to me. So no assessment. Weird. The woman who did my injections was the daughter of the main woman who does them, and she was nice but I had to ask her to weigh me and do my blood pressure. Everything felt like it was off today. Like everyone was super nice but it was just a weird time.

The injection went alright, though I felt like it was sitting on the surface under my skin and not actually in the muscle. At least it didn't bleed like crazy.

I did get blood taken though. The phelbotomist was very chatty and nice today and she used a butterfly needle which doesn't bruise as much so that was nice. And soon I had my new appointments set and I was off.

James has gone to the grocery store but was mostly just waiting for me in the car. We discussed dinner. They wanted to make roasted broccoli and smashed potatoes. Plus a protein for each of us. Sounded great to me.

I was mostly just really thirsty though. The drive home was kind of hard. Traffic, plus just a lot of turns. Made me not feel great. But I was very happy to be home.

I made an at home pink drink and came upstairs. James would play some of their video game before making dinner. And when they were done cooking we ate in our bedroom and just had a nice quiet evening.

I would take a bath. Sweetp was in a very playful mood and we were running and chasing up and down the hall. And they kept coming to the bathtub and licking my shoulder. Silly boy.

Now I am back in bed. James is researching sports statistics. And soon we will get ready to sleep.

James has work tomorrow. And I'm hoping to do studio stuff. But there isn't a huge plan for the day. Though there is a rocket launch Id like to try and see if possible. But it's not a huge deal of we can't. Light pollution downtown can prevent that for sure.

I hope you all have a great day tomorrow. Sleep well. Goodnight everyone!

[rabbid-rabbitt]

weirdly enough i feel a lot of guilt for using a powerchair, i havent even gotten it yet but i can technically walk and my pain isnt that bad day to day which im realising sounds insane because id absolutely encourage someone else wirh my symptoms to use a powerchair but for me its like ❌️❌️❌️ YOU ARE NOT DISABLED ENOUGH!!! like okay funny voice in my head you spent not even an hour outside your house on tuesday amd youre still paying the price two days later ??? sounds pretty disabled to me we were literally in so much pain yesterday

[future-dregs]

For fic wip asks:

Cut Off Your Left Arm

It's An Angry Summer

Untitled Document 1

You, and You, and Me

(if they haven't been done already 🫡)

Cut Off Your Left Arm

"You said you would be my general, Gintoki!"

"…you were my general."

"And then you left me all alone." 

"I don't know 'Zura', anymore. He's lost underneath Katsura!"

Back straight, palms pressed flat against the shingles, as if he could push his way through to the ground, Gin sits on the eave of a quiet house. It's occupants are gone for the day, and the wind tangles his hair ever more so, as he waits for the words to stop repeating themselves.

Guilt. It pricks uneasily at him.

'Zura had been angry today, his rantings and beseechments personal. When he kept his spiels at the recruitment stage, then Gin could blow him off and ignore him, perhaps aggravate him out the door, or mindlessly pick his nose until 'Zura either gave up and left, or gave up and threw himself down beside him on the couch, snatching away his Jump on the way down.

A wrinkled and thieved Jump was a small price to pay for 'Zura shutting up about Joui for awhile, though complete silence was too much to ask from someone who read as…interactively, as 'Zura did.

But when he was as he was today…that was a different matter entirely.

When he brought up their pasts, dragged forward the soldiers that 'Zura never could bear to leave behind, and his anger, both righteous and hurt, came boiling out, directed in its vehemence directly at Gin…

Those where the days when he simply left.

He let 'Zura follow him around the house, waving his arms and crying out to him, and then he just walked right out the door, as if no one else was even there.

The clay tiles crack, and Gin's eyes snap back into focus. He's surprised, 'Zura had never followed before. Never all the way to his secret places.

Wordlessly, 'Zura seats himself beside him, and leans his shoulder into Gin's.

Gin has half a mind to complain about how boney it is, but his fingers have already found 'Zura's wrist by this point, and the window of opportunity is gone.

--

This is a Gintama fic about Gin and Katsura's time in the war, and the complicated relationship they have after it. Katsura being hurt and angry, feeling abandoned, but still not totally giving up on Gin or on the hope he has that they could be a duo again. And Gin feeling guilt for leaving Katsura and his men, but still standing by his decision, even though he misses how he and Katsura used to be too.

It's An Angry Summer

Ah.

John grins. He knows what this is. It was bound to happen sooner or later. Though he is a little bit surprised that it's so soon for Sam.

He cuffs Sam's ear and slides an arm across his son's thin shoulders, giving him a good natured hearty shake.

"Your time will come, Sammy. Grow a bit and keep fighting with your brother, put that muscle on, girls'll like you too, the way they like Dean."

Sam rolls his eyes. Not his primary concern here!

Yeah, he'd love to be taller than Dean, make him climb on a kitchen chair and jump for schoolbooks for once, but his issue isnt that, or even all the girls that crowd around Dean at school or watch him show off on the high dive or play with his necklace, mimicking TV and their mothers in an adolescent attempt at seduction that nobody likes, even Dean, who'll chuckle uncomfortably and partially cover it with his hand. Sam notices when he does this and rewards him with half of his candy bar. He'd give him a whole, but that would make Dean suspicious, and Sam's pavlovian experiment won't work if Dean cottons on to it.

No, it's none of those things. Sam can deal with those.

It's Tim fucking Werther.

Since when does Dean have friends?! Much less friends who bring him car magazines, and magazines with girls in them, and who Dean's always hanging out with in the park or at the pool or that weird abandoned lot that Sam is sure must be haunted but he and Dean took the meter around and turned nothing up, because Dean doesn't want to take him back to the motel. Is embarrassed about the water stains and the stale cigarettes and the double bed that he and Sam have to share now that their Dad is around.

Dean doesn't get embarrassed! He gets pissed!

He knocks kids teeth out and bends the wheels on their bikes and sends them home with cuts and bruises and bloody noses if they ever say anything about his brother or his house or his dad.

He keeps a tight lip around adults. They both know the fear of CPS, but he doesn't let some fucking Tim make him feel embarrassed!

--

This one is BRAND new. I worked it up this morning.

This is weechesters fic wherein Dean gets a friend and Sam hates it (and the boy). Could be seen as wincest, but I'm writing it with platonic jealousy in mind. Sam doesn't have friends, he only has Dean, so why does Dean get to have a friend? Especially one that sucks and is way worse than Sam? I really really love jealous or possessive child/teenage Sam, so this idea is really fun for me. Also Sam is spending the summer trying out various psychological tricks on Dean. Who among us hasn't got hold of an old book and tried it out on our siblings? Dean is 14 and Sam is 10 and embarrassed for him.

The title is a work in progress. I may or may not end up keeping it.

Untitled Document 1

Sam had sewed up the hole in his back.

Even though it didn't matter anymore, after a lifetime, and oh, had it turned into someone's lifetime, of tending to his brother, there was no way he could leave him like that, even if only to the pyre.

So he carried him to the car, the backseat holding him like a stillborn.

He washed his body. Clothes stripped and set aside, a washcloth dipped and lowered, slid and repeated until Dean was as cold and clean and still as marble.

And Sam held him.

He couldn't help it, and he didn't try not to.

He laid in the bed he'd laid Dean out in, and buried his face into the now unyielding column of his neck, and he tucked up against Dean, scared as a child.

He kissed the back of his neck, and his left ear. He got up, and kissed the closed marbles that had once been eyes and and the mouth that he wished more than anything would be pink again.

He crushed himself against the front of Dean's body, as if his own desperate heat could make him warm once again, undoing this last, worst, time. But Dean's hands didn't come up to card through Sam's hair, ruffling playfully and squeezing his neck. His fingers had become so stiff, that Sam couldn't thread the two of theirs together anymore.

--

Again, could be a wincest, but isnt SPECIFICALLY written that way.

I became obsessed with the thought of Sam laying out Dean's body after he died in the finale, what preparations would look like done at home and by someone who is absolutely Not Going To Be Normal About It. So this just an examination of that. Walking through a missing scene and pulling apart Sam's thoughts and emotions now that he's left alone. To be honest I really want to wallow in his grief and misery. Really drag it out and feel it.

You, and You, and Me

"The boss has never been kissed? Well I can take care of that."

Hawks saunters over to the couch where Shigaraki is sitting, swings himself over his legs so he's sitting in his lap, places a hand on chest and says, "Don't disintegrate me, m'kay?"

Then he kisses him.

He kisses him slowly, delicately. When he pulls away, it's just enough so that he can speak.

"There y'go."

His breath puffs gently against Shigaraki's skin.

Shigaraki just stares at him with wide eyes, and doesn't say anything. When Hawks tries to get up and leave, his hand stops him, but he still doesn't speak.

Hawks bends his neck and peers up at him. "I think I broke him."

"Oh please."

Dabi sounds categorically unimpressed.

"Your kisses aren't so great, you just shocked him. There's a difference."

--

There's not much to say about this one. It's an old, VERY indulgent ShigaDabiHawks fic from My Hero Academia, and basically Hawks and Dabi makeout with Shigaraki in really competitive way to one up each other and become Shigaraki's new favorite 😔 this is one of those "its totally out of character but I don't care" fics.

--

Fic list

[golden-bubblebee]

Bubbles watches SPN pt 6

Season 3 babey

Annotations, commentary and thoughts under the cut

NOT IN FRONT OF THE WINDOW IN FRONT OF HIM???? (Dean having sex in front of the window where sam is sitting in the car, basically watching him)

Sam, park the car somewhere elseee

Noo dean is actually sad that Ben isnt his

Why is Gordon such a little bitch spreading misinformation

Nah, they can't just do this over a police phone 'sam winchester must die' you guys know they listen in to these conversations right???

Dean: we have a magical rabbit food that brings actual luck

Also Dean: sam before we figure out how to put it back in the box, you gotta win the lotto a couple times

Oh my god I fucking love her (Bela)

FYI WINCHESTER, WORDS HURT HAHAHA

Oh my god dean you do like, an exorcism weekly

How have you not memorised it by now

Has no one told this boy how to hold a pen

OMFG HAHAHAH I THOUGHT HE WAS NOTING DOWN BULLET POINTS

Nah Nah

You are NOT telling me that this is an hansel und gretel episode

It fucking is isnt it

Shes feeding em

I really don't like Dean's suicidal attitude

Get that boy some antidepressiva

Dean youre not fucking 'going away' you will be dead, send to hell, and suffer fot all eternity

Why do I feel like Bela had an abortion

Nah what kinda notebook is that that it can be sopping wet and they can still read from it

DEAN YOU MASSIVE ASSHOLE

DEAN BEING SUCH A DAD TEACHING SAM HOW TO FIX THE CAR

Also very heartbreaking cuz its him saying goodbye

OH MY GOD ITS MY FIRST SUPERNAT SPECIAL

Omg teenage dean is so very much Dean

'Who do we move around so much'

*uses the same childhood home set as last time*

Oh dean my sweet deeply traumatised boy

I appreciate that the anti santa doesnt eat kids

Just leaves em traumatised for the rest of their life

AMEN TO SAM TEACHING THE FOLKS THE TRUTH ABT SANTA

Oh my god obsessed with the pagan gods

Dean is being killed and goes 'you want me to say fudge instead of fuck? Fine!"

Obsessed with them

Also, how have I only now noticed the very comical sound of 'hitting someone' they use

Nooo not little baby dean lying about their father for christmas

100% john did not show up

Where did baby dean get the money

Welp nvm, some kids round the block having a real sad xmas

Now my bad memory wants to know if hes really been wearing that necklace the whole show, or just now. Also couldn't see what it was

Bc to me it looked like a rotissery chicken, but Im taking a wild guess That that's wrong

NOT SAM PUTTING A FRIGGING ARBRE MAGIQUE IN THE XMAS TREE

THREE OF THEM OMFG THAT MUST SMELL HORRID HAHAHHAA

Nah getting your brother porn mags as a christmas gift is another example of unhealthy boundaries

That reaction (to getting the mags) is so un-sam like it's upsetting and funny at once

IM NOT CRYING UR CRYING

I really need Dean and Ruby to have some real good hate sex

Bela really said 'you called, sam?'

This will be too funny if dean is round the corner and walks in now

Nah my guy is either dreaming or on the dream root

NOOO

Having dean yell 'sam wake up' translate in the dream to Bela moaning 'oh sam' is actually so rat of the producers

DEAN YOU DONT INQUIRE AFTER YOUR BROTHERS WET DREAM

Not Sam needing to check his boner status first💀

Sam is killing me

Dean literally dreaming of a normal life breaks my heaaartyy

Why did seeing Dean like this genuinly make me happy

Crying at these sandwich prices

WHAT THE FUCK

Dean Death count: 6

OH MY GOD ITS A TIMELOOP EPISOOOODEEEEEEEE

I eat that shit uppp

DEAN DEATH COUNT: 7

WHAT TVE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

Did not see that coming

They really yeeted that boi

Dean death count: 8

I fucking knew he was gonna choke on that sausage

Dean death count:9

HAHAHAH THE SCREAM FROM THE SHOWER

Dean death count: 10

He gets poisoneeed

Dean death count:11

IM DYING THE AXE SCENEEE

12

Dean death count: 105 (as told by sam)

106

The music played but dean didnt die??? I feel like a confused pavlovs dog not getting a treat

107

WHAY DO YOU MEAN SIX MONTHS LATER

Omg the trunk got ✨fancy✨

I dont like sam turning into John dickchester

It makes my heart go auch

Wait??? Did he just release sam??? No no I need to see them kill the trickster pr I wont trust anyhting anymore every

I'll be watching the next episode waiting for the trick

Surely sam has some absolute paranoia now

Ellaaaa! (From Lucifer. In spn known as Nancy)

I will not lie, the fbi guy? Love him. I need a spinoff of him going insane tryna catch our boys

Shoutout to Sam for knowing the ex-demon (what do you call it?? Extorsion?? Extrusions? Excursion???) Out of his head

'Alright don't be such a wuss' MA'AM YOUR BROTHER JUST GOT -SHOT-

Like i know we saw him tying up his own bullet wounds in the trickster world, but Sam be so fr rn

Nooo I liked fbi guy

FBI GUY!!!! WAGGING MY TAIL LIKE A PUPPYYY'

I uh. I shot the sherrif'

'But you didn't shoot the deputy' HAHAHAHAHHA DEAAAAN LEARN HOW TO READ THE ROOM JAHAH

I have strong suspiciouns of our Dear Nancy ella being possesed

Ruby is absolutely growing on me omfg i love her

The fact that none of the demons killed ruby for helping them makes me think shes insanely powerful

'When this is over, I'm gonna have so much sex. ... But not with you' HAHAHHAHAHAHAH NANCY I LOVE YOU

LITLITH NO IM ENMOTIONALLY ATTACHED NOW

WHY AM I CRYING OVER NANCY I BARELY KNEW HER

Not the crappy gostbusters song HAHAH

'Gostfacers, we face de ghosts when you do not!'

THE FAKE SLOWMO WALK

Please tell me people ship these two

The fact that they had to specify they could have sex with girls makes them very shippable

I love her

So many great female characters why can none of them stick

Omg I would so watch 'the ghostfacers'

Love how theyre all like 'shh be quiet' and winchesters pull up music blaring

He's so real for this

Dean death count: 108

[fmajorenthusiast]

Riff and Magenta's mom part 1!!!!

(Ihmhii stands for more headcanons if interested. I'm trying to not make this post a novel since A. I'm not sure if that's the best way to introduce an OC lolll (I am not trying to gain pity with that I literally just don't know tumblr ettiquite yet), and B. This is my first ever OC post and I'm trying to make it small enough to navigate for at least the first post lol)

I'm excited to introduuuuuce

Soline!!!!

(I couldn't decide between Soline or Solina, so I think that where she comes from, Soline is short for Solina)

● When it comes to physical appearance, Soline might as well have gone on to make the male version of herself with Riff Raff. (Think Kristian Lavercombe or Stuart Matthew Price in the role.) Seriously. That boy is the spitting image of his mama. I always picture her wearing black, too.

● Soline had been walking on dangerous grounds for a good long time when she got pregnant at age 17. For starters, she'd been taken in to be Frank's mother's servant in the lab when she was a child and those two had hated each other from the get-go (ihmhii about their rivalry), and that went about as well as you'd expect. Years later, she went on to befriend the Earthling that they abducted to also help them in the lab (Hey, Scotty!) and they developed a kind of father-daughter bond (ihmhii about their friendship). Safe to say, Soline was not in a safe space.

● I headcanon that the laws for servants are fuuuuckked. While it is true that they technically have to be paid and that they technically need a way to quit, it isnt that simple. Most people find a way to skate around needing to pay their servants actual money for the most part, and the process for quitting is soooo intricate and designed to be virtually impossible for most servants to pull off. Also, servants can't be passed down, but the servant's children will start off as the servants to the master's children. (Ihmhii about the system.)

● She was a bit of a little shit since she started out as a servant, fucking with your master was a trait of hers that Riff and Magenta inherited. Soline's form of irritating the master usually involved getting as much attention as she could solely so that she could take it from Frank's mom. She did this by playing dumb and stalling, "So I'm supposed to do it like this?" "No." "Oh like this?" "NO-" Loudly inserting herself in places that she wasn't needed and just... having no filter in general.

● She loved her children. Good God she loved her children so much. (Ihmhii about her as a mother in general.)

● I love the idea of Riff Raff having a super easy middle name to pronounce and Magenta's just being really hard for an Earthling. Doctor Scott's just like, "can I get a middle name for your girl?" And she's like "I mean you can try" and he can't fucking do it omg.

● while I do like the idea of Soline being revived at least in some way later, she definitely died trying to save these two while they were still very young. She was definitely killed by Frank's mother while trying to find some way to escape with the kids and make it to a far away place, (still on Transsexual, though). Frank was already a small child when they were born and I assure you that he was a fucking menace. She knew the kind of treatment her kids would be in for. Frank's mom killed her before she could secure everything and make the getaway attempt. This was also when Doctor Scott went back to Earth, since I'm certain he was trying to help her once she made her decision to take the kids and run. Nobody thought Frank's mom would go that far.

And that's some info about my OC!

[dreambook06]



Dream from: May 25, 2017

on march 3 i had the most bizarre dream involving our old house. i kept putting off writing it down because i was too “lazy” so i forgot most of it by now but i still retain fragments and will now try to write them down… it gets bad weird so probably dont read this lol

so it was kinda felt like the 2016 trip to the old neighborhood… but dreamlike and out of reality… so we were going to see if the new oowners of the house were home and we walked up the porch and a man answere dm the door? and then my mom who wasnt really like my mom yet it was idk… asked can we please come inside and look around the house? we’re the original owners from when it was first built… -something like that, but she said it really awkwardly and it was really odd like she kept pausing and stumbling on words…. like the words wouldnt come out so i or someon

e took over and asked the man if we could come inside…. he said yes and right as soon as you went in the door it was the living room which isnt true to real life and there were like 6 people ,adults, sitting around on maroon-ish leather furniture like couches and the fireplace was still there! i think the room was a different color? and it was some kind of gathering whatever … etc etc forgettingg….. then we wanted to look aroiund the other rooms and  he was kind of showing us around etc. dont remember stuff……………….. later the dream felt different & people changed (i dont remember my family being there at all … i think they left & went to a coffee shop thing i dont f r eaking know) then the man showed me upstairs to my old bedroom OMG it was to the left up the stairs just where it always was… but… it was so different…… it was huge! and the closet was tall and narrow and only went back a little bit and inside was this detailed crazy i-spy esque display that was like a mini world with beads hanging like a curtain and little toy figures and objects everywhere and it was really small though once i stuck my head inside, only my head could fit through the opening. i stuck my head inside the closet because i wanted to see if the secret message my dad had written on the back wall right before we moved was still there… i craned my neck upwards but stuff wa in the way and i knocked stuff over and hit my head kind of hard and it felt like it really hit my head… i couldnt see the message. i puled my head out …etc. other stuff happens i dont remember…. the re is a girl in there like around age 9 idk… who is the new owner of the bedroom and she’s changed it up i think but at the same time in another half of the dream / my mind it looks the same only it’s all deteriorated with ripped up carpet and paint peeling off the wall… anyway the girl in there had lots of stuff idk if i ever saw her but she had like a stack of books and old toys and posters on the wall and on the slanted side wall & stuff idont know!!!!!! too vague… like she’d made it all roomy and it made me sad like i dont own this place anymore its not mine and never will be again…etc.etc.etc. then we were going to leave eventually but i needed to stay longer,,,, i wanted to get photos of the place(my bedroom) before i left it, possibly forever! so i had my camera but i hd to go get it? ten i came back and i had my camera and  the man said i needed to do something if i want to keep staying at the house , there is a price to getting to go upstairs and take photos as i please. he said i had to have s*x with him and i was so desperate to go back to go back to my room that i had to and i dont remember it happening in my dream but i remember the leading up to it & it felt real & i was kind of getting excited & i was half aware that it was just a fake dream at that point somehow so i didnt really care about anything that was going on because i half felt it wasn’t real anyway… anyway we were fully clothed the whole time and so it was just s*xual stuff but never physical s** . KWIM? .. at least that is what i remember i may not be remembering clearly. it was a dream. anyway then i got to freking go to the bedroom then. i took hundreds pictures of every crack and crevice of the place, even the carpet, in the bedroom, from all different angles, just in case it is gone forevr…i was getting anxious that the camera would run out of space or battery the whole time…then i think the right side of the room wall ripped open to the outside and it was like crumbling like deteriorating - the whole room falling apart… thats all i remember unless i care to access deeper into my head which gives me a headache



Dream from: May 25, 2017

on march 3 i had the most bizarre dream involving our old house. i kept putting off writing it down because i was too “lazy” so i forgot most of it by now but i still retain fragments and will now try to write them down… it gets bad weird so probably dont read this lol



Dream from: May 25, 2017

on march 3 i had the most bizarre dream involving our old house. i kept putting off writing it down because i was too “lazy” so i forgot most of it by now but i still retain fragments and will now try to write them down… it gets bad weird so probably dont read this lol

so it was kinda felt like the 2016 trip to the old neighborhood… but dreamlike and out of reality… so we were going to see if the new oowners of the house were home and we walked up the porch and a man answere dm the door? and then my mom who wasnt really like my mom yet it was idk… asked can we please come inside and look around the house? we’re the original owners from when it was first built… -something like that, but she said it really awkwardly and it was really odd like she kept pausing and stumbling on words…. like the words wouldnt come out so i or someone took over and asked the man if we could come inside…. he said yes and right as soon as you went in the door it was the living room which isnt true to real life and there were like 6 people ,adults, sitting around on maroon-ish leather furniture like couches and the fireplace was still there! i think the room was a different color? and it was some kind of gathering whatever … etc etc forgettingg….. then we wanted to look aroiund the other rooms and  he was kind of showing us around etc. dont remember stuff………………..

later the dream felt different & people changed (i dont remember my family being there at all … i think they left & went to a coffee shop thing i dont f r eaking know) then the man showed me upstairs to my old bedroom OMG it was to the left up the stairs just where it always was… but… it was so different…… it was huge! and the closet was tall and narrow and only went back a little bit and inside was this detailed crazy i-spy esque display that was like a mini world with beads hanging like a curtain and little toy figures and objects everywhere and it was really small though once i stuck my head inside, only my head could fit through the opening. i stuck my head inside the closet because i wanted to see if the secret message my dad had written on the back wall right before we moved was still there… i craned my neck upwards but stuff wa in the way and i knocked stuff over and hit my head kind of hard and it felt like it really hit my head… i couldnt see the message. i puled my head out …etc. other stuff happens i dont remember…. the re is a girl in there like around age 9 idk… who is the new owner of the bedroom and she’s changed it up i think but at the same time in another half of the dream / my mind it looks the same only it’s all deteriorated with ripped up carpet and paint peeling off the wall… anyway the girl in there had lots of stuff idk if i ever saw her but she had like a stack of books and old toys and posters on the wall and on the slanted side wall & stuff idont know!!!!!! too vague… like she’d made it all roomy and it made me sad like i dont own this place anymore its not mine and never will be again…etc.etc.etc. then we were going to leave eventually but i needed to stay longer,,,, i wanted to get photos of the place(my bedroom) before i left it, possibly forever! so i had my camera but i hd to go get it? ten i came back and i had my camera and  the man said i needed to do something if i want to keep staying at the house , there is a price to getting to go upstairs and take photos as i please. he said i had to have s*x with him and i was so desperate to go back to go back to my room that i had to and i dont remember it happening in my dream but i remember the leading up to it & it felt real & i was kind of getting excited & i was half aware that it was just a fake dream at that point somehow so i didnt really care about anything that was going on because i half felt it wasn’t real anyway… anyway we were fully clothed the whole time and so it was just s*xual stuff but never physical s** . KWIM? .. at least that is what i remember i may not be remembering clearly. it was a dream. anyway then i got to freking go to the bedroom then. i took hundreds pictures of every crack and crevice of the place, even the carpet, in the bedroom, from all different angles, just in case it is gone forevr…i was getting anxious that the camera would run out of space or battery the whole time…then i think the right side of the room wall ripped open to the outside and it was like crumbling like deteriorating - the whole room falling apart… thats all i remember unless i care to access deeper into my head which gives me a headache

(it all was way more bizarre & more things happened than i’ve written because i just write the factual things not really the feeling things because its surreal and cant be put into words because it is specific dream feelings only i know) ..

(it all was way more bizarre & more things happened than i’ve written because i just write the factual things not really the feeling things because its surreal and cant be put into words because it is specific dream feelings only i know) ..

[let-the-living-beware]

The night of the 22nd - Notes

Potential titles: It’s no big surprise you turned out this way; It’s a battle you are destined to loose

5 chapter á ~2000 words + beginning and ending

Beginning Kou (on 22th birthday) stands on an abandoned bridge

wind blows through his hair it is half decayed and 30 meters over the water there is no soul and the river is blocking out everything else

he looks into the water and thinks about everything. His brothers and how he came to this point

thinks about the first time he took drugs (14)

First chapter

he was a child star and lived with the Mukami, under the protection of a politician

he sits in class, girls around him they talk about how awesome he was in the new film

Ayato walks over to him they talk about math and Kou is a bit annoyed Ayato invites Kou to his party

he agrees and goes after his day tells Ruki about it and he thinks it isnt a good idea Kou schmollt, geht aber trotzdem

they have fun Laito pulls him to the side he has weed and asks if Kou wants to smoke one too he agrees

Kous mood begins to rise and he gets more active than before kisses his first boy (Laito) but he needs to go shortly after

gets berated by ruki on how irresponsible he is

transition

he laughs at the thought it was really ridiculous and then he remembers Shin

Second chapter

they moved and he transferred schools (16)

hates his new school as it is really elite but at least he still gets all the attention

Shin walks into the classroom at 8:22 am

he is new and Kou is supposed to show him around

Shin also sits beside him Kou tries to talk to him and get his attention but Shin isnt interested

when he is supposed to show the other around, Shin declines and just stands up looses a bag with white shit inside

Kou picks it up and tells Shin that he lost something but Shin just quickly turns around wants to say something but a teacher is outside so he just says that Kou can keep it

he shrugs and puts it in his backpack

forgets about it until he gets out his homework and it falls out picks the small bag up and opens it he smells it and notices the floral smell

shrugs and hides it on his wardrobe, forever forgotten

Third chapter

remembers the first time he snorted coke (three months after the package incident w/ Shin)

he sits on a couch, talking to a few of the rich folks there i

t is the aftershow party of one of his teen drama movies they talk about the protagonist and how believable Kou was

Kino ( his costar) leans over the couch from behind and asks if Kou wants to try something

he turns around asks what

Kino stays secretive and just say he should follow him, if he wants to know they walk into the bathroom and Kino packs out coke they each do a line and walk outside again

the boring conversations get more exciting as well as the music

Kino and Kou talk to each other the entire evening and even dance later on

Kino asks if Kou wants to come to his suite he agrees and they fuck

the next day he has to call Shin to get him back to his house

they became kinds friends

he picks him up and after looking at him, Kou realizes he loves Shin when he gets out of the car, he pulls the other towards him and kisses him

says that he loves him

transition

his smile fades maybe it really was Shin of course it was Shin

Fourth chapter

his relationship with Shin is good

he feels loved

Shin even supplies him with drugs for half the price or free

but over time it gets worse Shin gets angry easily and hits Kou

he feels trapped in the relationship

uses cocaine more excessive as a way to feel good

he remembers one specific instance

comes back from a party, high Shin stands in the doorway, angry with Kous phone in his hand he found his and Subarus chat

they begin to fight and Shin beats Kou up, breaking his arm Kou says they should get an ambulance but Shin declines

“You’re still under drugs. I dont wanna risk a investigation. You can go tomorrow when it wore off a bit”

he cries in his room and their cat, Nova, comes to him to cuddle he blames himself for being so foolish

Fifth chapter

accidentally overdoses during a party they call the ambulance and Ruki notices his problem Kou confesses to everything under tears and asks for help

Ruki gets him a therapist but Kou doesnt really like her

he barely talks

meanwhile Yuma and Shin had a fight

The therapist asks if maybe his boyfriend has something to do with his problem

finally he nods under tears he tells her about it but makes her promise not to call anyone

even paying her so she wouldnt

comes home but all of Shins stuff is gone

he asks him what is going on and shin tells Kou that he doesnt want to be with him anymore it got boring

Kou begs him to stay but Shin breaks up with him

lucky for his mental health Yuma came in minutes later and he cries in his arm he doesnt know what to do anymore

he feels helpless and wants to get sober but he cant do it

Ending

5 years have gone by during an aftershow party he got drunk and accepted his coworkers invite to use coke

he feels guilty and cant tell Ruki he relaps the next day he has a really bad comedown and finally, after years decides to kill himself

remembers the small package of coke on his wardrobe and takes it before driving out to an abandoned train bridge nearby

Nova tries to stop him but nothing helps he walks up to it, noticing the stars

beginning paragraph but shorter

and he stans here, looking into the clear water. He feels helpless, worthless.

Shin speaks up beside him

he tracked him

"It was easy to find you, you know?" [lits cigarette]

tell Kou that the police might find out that he is a witness to Shin dealing drugs on a high scale

Kou asks why he should care

Shin laughs and gets out a gun

he tells him that he should

Kou recognizes that this is his gun

the one he got in case someone was going to harm him years ago

Not a single soul can hear the loud bang of the weapon. Not at this time

They would find Kous body together with his gun at 8:22 am. Cause of death - suicide.

Notes:

I planned this out a while ago but never had the guts to write it. In the end I made a one shot out of it!!! You can probably see how drstically different this is hehe

The name of Kous cat ties into the whole sky thing as it comes from the word super nova. The explosion of a star at the end of its lifetime.

[jeromefart]

ok heres my jedi survivor thoughts. and let me preface by saying i am incredibly excited for this game and will be buying it once i get a ps5. i will be saying negative things but i honestly do not care that much and i am 100% in love with everything we’ve seen from this game so far

i think that the walk run and sprint animations are a little scuffed. the run animation in fallen order wasn’t great, but now all the movement animations look off. i hope this is something they fix.

i honestly like the map system from fallen order. its a star wars holo map!! its fun and interactive!! it is hard to see exactly whats happening, but i think having to adapt to it improves the immersive experience. because most maps in star wars are holo maps, and if you were in the star wars universe, that’s what you’d be using.

some people complained about it being more open world, but i love open world games. i doubt they will be empty and i know they will be filled with tons of secrets and small details. fallen order is a game about exploration. you are meant to explore each corner and complete your map. you are meant to find secrets. and even without treasure chests, it’s still rewarding. each thing you scan has a small blurb about it. each echo you hear is part of a larger story. its honestly an incredible concept. its so unique and works so well for detail oriented people who like to search for a story and find answers instead of being told everything. it’s rewarding when you get every echo in a category. then you can read back and learn the lore of animals, planets, characters, and the galaxy. fallen order is a massive game, and survivor is going to be even bigger.

(a side note: ive put hundreds of hours in breath of the wild, and while very open and immersive, it tends to fall short in the rewarding category. there are 900 korok seeds hidden throughout the game, where you do small hidden minigames. at the end of collecting them, you get a useless collectible item. its useless and while it’s meant to be funny as it is a pile of shit, it’s just annoying. so comparing korok seeds to force echoes is very eye opening. because you actually get a sense of gratification out of getting to listen to an echo from the past, rather than shooting a bullseye or putting a rock into a hole)

i really loved the progression in fallen order. you go through a path, and then unlock a shortcut back. so later on, you can breeze through shortcuts to get to certain locations. the lack of fast travel made sense in some aspects. they wanted to keep it grounded and realistic, like with the holo map i mentioned. with the shortcuts, it didn’t take long to get to one area from another. but where the issue arrives is that its still super tedious, annoying, and hard to remember where each path leads. it’s immersive, but too immersive. i had to use a guide to get through zeffo. it was a massive planet that you return to multiple times. and 100%ing it was a NIGHTMARE. it took me a week. with that said, the addition of fast travel in survivor is exciting. it could be said that it takes away from some of the immersive factors of the previous game, but honestly? it is going to be life changing. gone are the days where im tearing my hair out running in circles trying to backtrack to the place that has 99% completion (well, maybe i’ll still have this problem).

i feel like this goes without saying, but i am in love with cal’s design. he has grown so much since fallen order, and i just adore how rugged he looks. i was unhappy with his appearance in the teaser trailer, but i kept my hopes up with the action figure illustrations. thankfully, his design is perfect. his outfit is so nice and im excited to see the customization.

this isnt really worth mentioning but let’s talk pricing. 70 bucks? fine. games are expensive nowadays. but the 20 dollar expansion pack that only includes cosmetics? honestly insane. it’s just luke and han inspired outfits, i think? the r2 bd skin is cute but other than that, it’s a waste of money imo. that is 90 fucking dollars!!!!!

the combat is exciting. i loved the split sabers in the previous game and it’s going to be so fun to use them more. the combos look effortlessly cool and ive rewatched cal twirl around his blades and throw them a million times now. it is hot. double saber gameplay looks cool too. i loved using it in fallen order even though it’s wide ranged attacks with less damage designed for attacking groups of enemies. so seeing it used on singular enemies and turned into a full usable form rather than something to switch to for a specific scenario is really nice. the crossguard saber looks cool too. some people were hating but i dont know why? i think a claymore style saber is really awesome and i have played some games with that attack style and it is actually what i prefer next to long range stuff. i love long range.

and speaking of long range, cal has a blaster. we havent seen him use it yet, but im excited. and i would not be surprised if it has little functionality. i have a feeling it will be used more for interactions with the environment than combat. im annoying when i play games and if you give me a long range weapon i will take out everything i can from as far away as possible. playing stealthy is super fun. so i will probably do that in survivor. hell i do it in fallen order. i abuse the shit out of the lightsaber throw move

lets talk CHARACTERS!

first, cal kestis. i love him 💕 he is gorgeous and im obsessed w his new design as i mentioned previously. it seems like hes going to be struggling with the dark side and justifying his actions as the fight against the ever expanding empire worsens. the way cameron has described all of this has me very excited. i loved the part in fallen order where he directly faces his trauma. it was so powerful and it really resonated with me. i almost cried tbh. anyway im super excited to see what happens next!! i love cal :))

the mantis crew. we don’t know much about what theyre up to, but im sure theyre all doing fine. it was expected that theyd all branch off and find their own purposes in the galaxy. looks like cere is building a jedi archive or something. and somehow greez let cal fly the mantis, maybe hes settled down in his home planet? or he gambled his life away LMAO. and merrin never planned on permanently staying with the mantis crew. shes probably back trying to rebuild dathomir and the nightsisters or something.

bode akuna. he seems cool and im very excited to see what hes like! it looks like him and cal form a bond despite their differences, like brothers in arms. the enemy of my enemy is my friend, right? everyone hates the empire, so they are all united through that. yes, i do ship him and cal, but im trying not to be too crazy about it and wait til we see more. anyway, i like the buddy ai thing that they’re going to do with him. its bound to be pretty cool.

the mystery man played by cody fern!! ok, i need to share this because i think its funny. so when the trailer came out and it was confirmed that cody fern is playing him, i looked him up and learned he was in ahs. i was already a casual fan but had only seen 3 seasons, so i watched apocalypse. big mistake. i got super hyperfixated and binged the rest of the seasons (haven’t seen death valley and nyc yet tho). but it was worth it honestly. cody is super cool and watching his role in apocalypse got me super hyped. he plays a great villain!!! i have been saying this forever, but i want him and cal to have homoerotic tension. michael and another character (the one played by evan, i think his name is gallant?) have the most homoerotic tension ever. i mean, some of the dialogue is literally “are you gay?” “would that excite you?” i mean. COME ONNN.