#pretty much all my required stuff was Just Math so outside of that i just kind of did whatever

[unnonexistence]

progress on my "ok what kind of math is hermann actually doing" quest: found a keyword! for his predictive models he'd be working with a lot of time series data. like with whatever readings he can get from the breach. seismic data, temperature readings, etc.

so The Math there would be whatever's used in time series analysis & time series forecasting. probably some stochastic models (which is good news for me because i know what those are). possibly also some machine learning models? not sure. i'll be poking around a bit to see if i can figure out anything else.

he also almost certainly does physics calculations about the breach, but that is WAY out of my area haha

[analteredme]

Info!

Welcome to my altered blog! This is a place for me to explore my sexual and kinkier side! It should be obvious, but for clarity, this blog is 18+! Additionally, no homophobia/ transphobia/sexism/racism/etc is tolerated here!

Me:

23

bisexual (or pansexual, maybe?)

amab and use he/him pronouns (though I’m not picky)

very nerdy

very weird

neurodivergent

open to all asks/dms/etc (both sfw and nsfw)!

Below you'll find my likes/dislikes as well as kink info and some random rambling!

Likes:

Pretty much everything nerdy (science, math, etc)

Pretty much everything geeky (D&D, books, math, etc)

Pretty much everything where I can be creative (writing, drawing, developing, etc)

Music (ranging from old pop to weird rock to extreme metal and much more)

Games (video games, tabletop games, board games, card games, rolaplaying games, etc)

Probably lots more

Dislikes:

Rude people

The passing of time

That’s pretty much it tbh

Kinks:

All kinks require a safe environment and enthusiastic consent! If you can’t or won’t respect that, please go away.

Romantic cute and passionate stuff

Bondage (ropes, blindfolds, leather, etc)

Sadism & Masochism

Voyeurism & Exhibitionism

Exposure

Submission and following orders

Spit and drool

Cum and cum play

Somnophilia

Sneaking around and secretive play

Touching over clothes (dick bulge my beloved)

Roleplay (including text-based)

Limits:

Scat

Diapers

Pregnancy (breeding talk is okay though)

Anything immoral/illegal

Since I’m new to a lot of this (both kink stuff and tumblr in general) I honestly don’t know a whole lot of terms, so these are just the things I thought of and know of. If it’s not on any of the lists I’m either indifferent, don’t know too much, or I just forgot about it lol. Feel free to ask and I’ll let you know my thoughts!

Extra Rambling:

While I initially started this blog to post some things I found hot here and there, it’s now also a place to share some thoughts of mine and also some pics of myself. Like I said, I’m sorta new to this stuff, and I’m also new to tumblr in general, so I don’t really know what I’m doing. While I mentioned some of my non-sexual interests in this post, the majority of this blog is going to be sexual stuff. I obviously have more to me than just this, but this blog is specifically for exploring that aspect of my personality. If you’d like to get to know me outside of this side, feel free to message me! I’ll talk to you here about pretty much anything :) which leads me to my next point.

I’m very open for questions and chatting! This goes for sexy stuff to kink stuff to completely random stuff, and also goes for mutuals and everyone else, though mutuals get priority. Send me anything and everything! Be nice of course, and if you want to send or receive pics one-on-one, have a conversation with me first.

(Also yes my name and intro sentence is a reference to King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard songs/albums, bonus points for you if you caught this, let me know! These points are redeemable for… things 😳)

[grimmgrinningghouls]

Go on about ash I dare you. (Interpret this as me legit asking about ash)

OKAY OKAY There is SO much to say about Ash where do I even start bro. She's been plaguing my brain for a fucking year now she won't leave. She's a skywing from WoF but we made wings of fire dope as shit and cured the series of its straight white woman author disease. She's essentially a spartan warrior version of a dragon and she's so silly.

She's also the daughter of two rich dragons, her moms a decorated war hero, and her dads just a rich prick. Her moms a vile dragon who doesn't care about her children outside of them ending up like her, as in also being decorated and valued members of skywing society. The only attention she gives them is putting them through the whole spartan 9 yards. Much like spartans, she started training around the age she learned to fly, which is 7 years old in dragon years. She was 2 in actual years, but maturity-wise she was 7.

Most skywings are required to go into some form of military training, at least for a few years. Its legally required for them to be in boot camp for 2 years, afterward they can choose to join the military or just do what they wanna do. Most of them join the military bc skywings heavily value their soldiers though. Still, the 2 year boot camp they go through teaches them basic reading, writing, math, and all that fun stuff. Ash didn't go through that however. Due to her mother's rank, Ash was allowed to be home indoctrinated lol.

Which in turn meant she was never taught to write, read, or do math. She can read maps and basic words, and do basic math, but she can't write at all and struggles with reading. All of her time was focused on military. She spent the first 5 years of her life doing grueling exercises, including being starved, whipped, threatened with a snake that could kill her with one bite, verbally abused, and generally just neglected unless she was training. Poor girl went through hell. Ash DOES have siblings tho, in the form of Singe, her older sister, who went through much of the same torment, and her two younger twin sisters, Soot and Smog.

Soot and Smog were left pretty much alone by their mother. Their mother was a very materialistic dragon, she only saw others for their use, she saw Singe and Ash as her future killing machines, and Soot and Smog as nothing more than tokens she could marry off once they were of age to richer families in different tribes to further expand her families influence. Soot and Smog were spoiled and pampered since they had nothing else to do, their father was very uninvolved and tbh a lil bit scared of his wife, while their mother put her focus on Singe and Ash. The twins are incredibly spoiled and like to mock their older sisters.

She did intend to marry Singe and Ash both off as well, she was planning on trying to marry Ash into the royal family, and Singe to whatever dragon she thought would increase their family's riches and power.

Around the age of 19 in human years, conflict began breaking out in pyrrhia thanks to the rainwing queen getting bitter. Their mother (Candle btw) saw this as a lovely opportunity to shove her two oldest daughters into the horrors of war. Singe and Ash are both incredibly competent soldiers due to their upbringing and get praised heavily. It catches the eye of Sunstone, the queen's right-hand man and the top general of the entire army. Essentially, Sunstone has the strongest army in pyrrhia at his command. He's impressed by them, so puts Ash under the mentorship of another very high-ranking general named Aelous, and mentors Singe himself.

Aelous is rough around the edges but treats Ash better than her mother did. Sunstone is a very carefree dragon, so he and Singe end up being besties. These are the first real connections Ash makes outside of her older sister. Sunstones not all he's cracked up to be however, he's a jealous, bitter, and downright delusional monster who doesn't care at all for any dragons life but his own. He thinks that all the queens are doing shitty queen jobs, so is planning to overthrow them all and put rulers he finds more adequate on the throne. To do this, he's working with the previously mentioned bitter rainwing queen who he plans to double cross.

Sunstone sabotages his own army and sends soldiers to their dooms, secretly helping the rainwing queen take out the biggest threat to her from the inside out. Enough about him though.

Ash, after just returning from a scout mission, goes looking for her older sister in the skywing barracks. Lots of stuff happens, but for now, all yall need to know is Sunstone killed Singe. This shook Ash and completely uprooted her entire world. I don't want to go tooo into detail with it, but like I mentioned before, Ash was severely neglected outside of her soldier training. She was never taught how to deal with her emotions and is prone to outbursts of rage, sadness, and even joy. She doesn't know how to express herself, so goes through a very rough grieving process.

Won't spoil any more, but she meets some dragons from another tribe who help her with her grief and in finding herself, and in the end, she's the one who takes down Sunstone and stops the war, commits some war crimes, goes to prison and almost dies at one point, accidentally kills her mother and helps her little sisters not be little shits, as well as cuts off her father, falls in love, and gets over (most) of her trauma

[lady-of-the-upside-down]

Mom is officially retired now, and it has just sunk in how much I’m (sort of) failing in life overall.

By now, I was supposed to be done with school, supposed to be an accomplished math major with internships and maybe one or two extracurriculars under my belt. I was supposed to be making money already, like, good money. I would’ve still been writing but it wouldn’t have been my main thing from the get-go.

But none of that happened. Mistakes made as early as 2017, during senior high school (grade 11-12, sometimes taken inside a university like in my case) caused me to lose a lot of opportunities and connections that could’ve been helpful in the long run. I was kicked out of the school paper like three months into it because of a mistake I made, was also promptly ignored by my classmates, and all that caused me to spiral into a years-long slump that led to many depressive episodes. I hopped from one minor club to another (math, school church, speech) before finally graduating high school in 2019. (If you’re wondering, the mistake in question was asking a silly question during a seminar with a somewhat VIP guest…yeah it was bad, but not it-should-ruin-my-life bad)

I did spend like 2-ish years of college taking math, though I stopped because the pandemic double my already bad slump—costing me my partial scholarship that I had managed to get before. I also ended up with an academic infraction thing last 2021 because I accidentally forgot to cite sources on a philosophy exam, leading me to drop it as a minor. That infraction led me to being disqualified from applying to any exchange programs or conferences. Basically my life from 2017-2021 pretty much sucked.

What adds salt to the wound is that the reason you pick a good school here—as early as 11th grade—is connections and opportunities, both of which I mostly blew my shot in getting them. So it’s like my parents had been bleeding money for years for almost no reason.

Today I’m a creative writing major and education minor, both of which I started late 2021. I had only one internship—the one required by the school, and basically no organization officerships. Luckily enough school started to feel worth the money again because the faculty of the literature department actually care about me and support me in the stories I write. I really got to know them more during the required internship in the “creative writing center” of the university.

I ended up just trying organizations outside school because people there are least likely to know me. I struggle with applying for any part time work and internships for some reason, and I think it might be because of my odd/suspicious history of going to a major school since high school but not having any experience or affiliations. (They must think there is something Bad about me which is why I don’t have any, or the worst case scenario always floating in my head is that someone from high school works there)

On a lighter note, I do have some publications of my creative work but they don’t really pay well (or at all).

I’m struggling to finish my current project: a novel that’s my final requirement for school. It’s been such a struggle but I’m trying. I just feel so out of focus most days. I don’t even know what I’ll be doing once I graduate in February. Probably take the teacher licensure exams and just hope for the best from there.

I’m slowly picking up the pieces lately, as evidenced by some of what I said in the last paragraph, but I’m scared for the future, if these pieces will be enough. I have been so used to stability that I fear that I am taking it for granted. For now I’m hoping Dad continues to be able to do his (high-paying!) job, and that his other side-jobs like consultancy stuff will pay him well soon enough. I feel guilty for being partially the reason he has to take side-jobs to sustain our lifestyle. (my mom doesn’t want to work anymore after suffering through her old place)

Maybe at some point I will be able to actually contribute money to make their lives easier. I’m hoping my book and other future creative projects could someday earn me good money.

I just have many thoughts in my head lately and needed a place to longform vent out so I posted it here. Sorry if some parts seem incoherent, I wrote this all in one go.

[links-studies]

Hello! I’ve been wanting to get into astrophysics when I start uni. What’s it like studying astrophysics ? I’m curious,,

Hi! I'm so sorry I'm so late to answering this: I only just finished my semester and I was trying to lock in to make sure my grades stayed fine through my senioritis ^^;

To answer your question: Hmmmm I suppose the exact experience depends on whether or not you have a specific specialty of astrophysics you want to go into, and what school you'd like to study at! If you have something specific you're looking for in your studies/you'd like advice on, I'm happy to answer further questions （*＾-＾*） But I could also speak on some general things I've noticed and experienced in my studies that a lot of people don't seem to know before going into the field!

Generally speaking, astrophysics (and physics in general, really!) is a very math-heavy field! I find a lot of people go into physics not expecting the amount of mathematics knowledge that's required. Do not be fooled, you will be doing lots of math! Not just punching numbers- physics gets into some of the grittier parts of higher level mathematics applications. There is a lot of calculus (single variable and multivariable) and linear algebra in particular. Personally, most people I know who are graduating now are either math double majors or were not terribly far from having a math degree with the number of math courses they took. If you enjoy applied math, you'll probably have a great time! If you're not a fan of math, then there could still be other parts of studying astrophysics you enjoy. But astronomy is another great option that might be better, depending on what you're looking for! (❁´◡`❁)

Another thing I'd like to note is that it is unlikely you will get to the astrophysics specific classes until your later years in uni (unless you decide to take some astronomy classes first). There's a lot of physics you need to learn before you get to all of the other physics, and learning it all takes a lot of time! Many of the specific concentrations and specializations stuff doesn't come up until much later on, so you gotta keep in mind what your goals are and try not to lose your motivation for studying all the other stuff first. Especially because when get around to taking your astrophysics classes, it quickly becomes apparent why you needed to learn it all to begin with! It requires understanding of most of the concepts you learn prior to it (classical mechanics, electromagnetism, special relativity, thermodynamics, etc). But believe me, it's fun when you finally get to it! It's like a puzzle piece coming together, and I can say I certainly gained a much deeper appreciation for how the universe works afterwards.

Additionally- and I cannot say this enough because some people don't seem to realize it until they're in pretty deep- if you're not personally a fan of data analysis and having to work with at least some coding, you might want to consider going into a teaching application of astrophysics or contemplating a different specialization! Most astrophysics research involves working with a ton of data, always, all the time. Even in fields which could be considered to be "untraditional" fields of astrophysics still require working with data. If you find data analysis fun, you'll probably really enjoy doing astrophysics research! If it's not up your alley, it may not be a great time. You could probably still study astrophysics without having to do data analysis, but personally I don't see that being worth it unless you plan to stick to teaching physics/astrophysics outside higher academia. I'd suggest taking some data analysis courses if you have the opportunity and seeing how you feel about them.

Those are kind of the key points I can think of to mention when it comes to what's important to know about the ✨astrophysics experience✨. From a more personal standpoint: I am obviously biased, but I've had a great time so far. Part of me just kind of thought space was cool going into it and I still totally think space is cool, but from a much more appreciative and knowledgeable standpoint now. Not to mention, I would say the astrophysics community is very open and welcoming. There's lot of wonderful organizations you can join, and I've had a wonderful time at every conference I've been to. Not only that, but I feel like the community really puts effort in to welcome and accommodate people of underrepresented backgrounds- there's lots of events geared towards people from all kinds of walks of life. Such things are important as well, because the astrophysics community is incredibly collaborative! Most research is done at least in a team, if not part of a much bigger organization. This might depend on what specifically you want to research, obviously, but for the most part it holds true. And that experience is a lot more fun than you'd expect it to be! I've had many wonderful collaborators and team members in my time doing research, and I expect I'll still continue to meet much more. That sense of community that I've gained in my studies is personally invaluable to me. Again- biased!- but I'd say on some level astrophysics is worth studying just for that feeling alone.

Aaah sorry I realize I'm rambling a little bit. As aforementioned, I'm more than happy to answer any more questions you might have (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ) My background is personally from a smaller school going into graduate studies (I'm going off to get my PhD focused on gravitational physics research, specifically!) so I might not be able to speak much on studying physics at most bigger schools or on going into industry after your uni studies, but I'm happy to answer questions about generally what it's like studying/doing research in physics, as well as questions about preparing for grad school 💚

[saal-school-project]

Part 1

Wow, I have been putting this off for a while now. I tell myself I can always do it later, but I guess later is now.

For context, this blog is for a school project—homework, in other words. Every year, it's mandatory to pick one of the subjects you see in school to do a project on. The project itself varies from subject to subject. But really, there are only two ways to go about this. You either pick math for the project as it raises your math grade, and of course your math grade always needs some raising; or you pick like any lesson other than math because doing the math project is a pretty time-consuming thing and you don't really care that much about your math grade being low, so it's not worth it. For the first two years, I always went with literature. It was easy—just writing some articles and whatnot. But this year our literature teacher changed, and the new teach told us that if we picked his subject for the project, we would have to visit some museums or something. That would require me to get out of my room and go outside! Ugh, can you imagine? no thanks. What else can I pick? English (as a second language, btw)? sure. and where I am now, blogging (surprise, that's what the project is!). I mean this is what blogging is, right?

Here's the chronological order of … how I acquired my hobbies? I mean what else to talk about? (Spoilers: It's going to be boring.)

Lets start with 5th grade 

I'm somewhat experienced with... uh, what would you call this? journaling? holding a diary? an elaborate self-monologue? with existential crises sprinkled in here and there? I didn't necessarily feel the need to put a label on it. And besides, I started doing it way back in 5th grade, and this habit of mine has evolved quite a bit over the years. The label would have to change eventually, so why bother? If I remember correctly, in 5th grade, I had a tiny notebook and made up my own alphabet to write secret stuff in it. Of course, back then I didn't know any English—sure, we saw English as a subject in elementary school, but I didn't really learned much from it—so all the stuff I wrote was in my native language, Turkish, just coded in some alphabet I made up. I never really used a pen to write in my notebook; it was usually just a pencil. As time went on, I started writing stuff to keep me entertained at school when it got boring—and it often did—and so it became a habit. Not much else to say about 5th grade.

[purplespaceace]

very few characters actually have adhd in media, and when they do, what people mean by that is just that they fidget a lot, not that they have adhd. the only character with adhd I can think of where I’ve watched/read it and I’ve gone, “oh, this character actually has adhd” is Jake peralta from Brooklyn 99. so, here’s my take on how to write adhd, with examples from Brooklyn 99.

I’ll do the best I can to separate them into three categories; the three things people look for in adults with ADHD, which are rejection sensitivity dysphoria, an interest-based nervous system, and emotional hyperarousal.

I’ll also randomly bold and italicize bits so people with ADHD can actually read it.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, or RSD

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria makes people with ADHD overly sensitive to criticism, even if they perceive a rejection and there actually isn’t one. Their emotions are also very strong generally. Because of RSD, people with ADHD become people-pleasers and can develop anxiety because they’re so eager to please.

For me, RSD makes me cry an embarrassing amount for any little reason. in your writing, make your characters overdramatic, criers, and/or people-pleasers. They’ll have trouble saying no. They may also be over competitive, as their perceived rejection may include losing.

how does Jake show this in b99? When Jake comes up with a catchphrase and Rosa says it’s terrible, jake is far more hurt than he should be. He hates losing, and he gets overly upset whenever someone says they don’t like him or don’t trust him, etc. he’s also a people pleaser who has trouble saying no.

An interest-based nervous system

An interest-based nervous system includes hyperfocuses and an inability to pay attention. It stems from the fact that we can’t make as much dopamine as neurotypicals. This means that while neurotypicals get dopamine after completing a task, people with ADHD don’t. That means that people with ADHD don’t have any reason to do tasks, especially those they don’t like. This leads to executive dysfunction—people with ADHD will know they have to or want to do something, but they can’t seem to do it. people with ADHD hyperfocus on things that bring them dopamine. I was obsessed with warrior cats for three years. But hyperfocuses can also last a short amount of time—I’ll have a drawing idea in the middle of class and won’t be able to concentrate on anything else before I finish it. this is where our impulsiveness comes from. we can leap into things we think will give us dopamine without thinking, which can lead to injury. We also tend to tell people personal things they don’t want to hear because of this, and don’t have very good boundaries. We sometimes say whatever comes into our head, which can also result in us being rude on accident. Our voices can also get very loud or we can interrupt people frequently because we’re so impulsive. When people with ADHD hyperfocus, they can forget about anything else. I’ll forget to eat if I’m busy reading a Wikipedia article about feminism in the 1850s, and won’t go to the bathroom or drink water either. It’s also important to note that taking away distractions doesn’t help, because we can do things like pick at our skin and daydream—something that people with ADHD do a lot of. Because of executive dysfunction, people can call people with ADHD lazy or irresponsible.

people with ADHD can also be extremely indecisive because ADHD affects our executive functioning, and making decisions requires planning and prioritizing, and task initiation, which are both executive functions!

people with ADHD also have poor memory for important things, but tend to remember random bits of trivia. Poor memory leads to object permanence problems, which means people with ADHD can forget to call a friend back for weeks, forget that they need to read library books in a closed cabinet, or forget that the vegetables they got will go bad. People can sometimes say that people with ADHD don’t care about anything because of this.

people with ADHD can also be prone to depression because of under or overstimulation. Boredom feels painful for people with ADHD. If we’re overstimulated, we can experience sensory overload—if things are too bright or too loud, if too many things are touching us at once—often it’s not because the thing is too intense, but because too many things are happening at once.

We also have something some people call dolphin brain, where we jump from one thing to another. From the outside, it looks really random, but I find that when I’m talking to another neurodivergent communication is generally easier. For instance, someone with ADHD might see a bee at a baseball field and tell their team about the time they saw whales at seaworld because their little brother was also stung by a wasp there. people will see no connection on the outside, but it makes perfect sense to the person with ADHD.

people with ADHD can also be overachievers, either because they hyperfocus on schoolwork or their RSD makes it so that failing at something isn’t an option. people with ADHD can also be very controlling and stubborn, probably because we hyperfocus on something and cant handle it being any different, and any change to our plans can be seen as rejection.

we can also have a hard time ordering our thoughts or doing stuff like math in our head. a lot of the time I number my thoughts like, 1. this reason, 2. this reason, etc. even if theres only two or sometimes I just need the 1. as a transition for my brain. when I don’t write it down or organize it like that it feels like I’m trying to grasp ropes that have been covered in oil (it’s not going to happen) and then my brain gets all jumbled and I have to restart at the beginning. this is probably just me, but it feels the same way when I’m reading long paragraphs of something uninteresting, or even short bits of historical documents because the way they phrase things is really pompous and hard to process.

also, stuff like caffeine calms us down and helps us focus. people who don’t take medication (me) often drink coffee or caffeinated sodas to focus.

another random tip, but if your character with ADHD also is genderfluid or genderflux, they might have a hard time figuring out their gender sometimes, because we can be known to have a hard time putting our feelings into words or our brains will just go, “nope, not thinking about that right now” and move on, which can be pretty frustrating.

people with adhd also have a trait called time blindness, where we have no idea how long something takes and therefore can’t manage our time very well. this often results in us being late or just sitting around the house because we got ready way too early.

we also have something called consequence blindness—we do things and are completely unaware of the consequences. if I don’t brush my teeth, I get cavities. but I don’t think about that when I’m deciding I’m too tired to brush my teeth.

in b99, jake regularly stays up all night solving cases and watches documentaries on random topics. He’s also very distractible—when they’re trying to find the person who sent Captain Holt death threats in the train yard, Jake says he and captain holt should take a train trip together sometime. Jake says that he’ll forget Amy if they don't work together because he’s like a goldfish.

Emotional hyperarousal

This is the only thing people tend to include when writing characters: the fidgeting. People with ADHD tend to need more stimulation than others, so we’ll do things like draw during class and chew on pens.

people with ADHD can also have apd, or auditory processing disorder. we tend to watch shows with subtitles on and may take a second to process what you’re saying, or hear it wrong. The subtitles thing may be partially do to creating just the right amount of stimulation, but if I don’t have subtitles, me and my other friends with ADHD will watch tv with the volume turned up very high. People with ADHD also can have a hard time interpreting other people‘s tone and have a hard time controlling their own. They can be bad at social cues and have poor manners because we don’t pick up on that stuff.

people with ADHD also tend to observe everything or nothing at any given time, mostly based on the amount of stimulation they have—if they dont have a lot in their main task, they’ll need to take in something else at the same time. Likewise, if I’m hyperfocusing on something I often don’t notice anything else, like if someone asks me a question.

in b99, Jake fidgets with things a lot. In the intro, he’s picking up and examining a figurine on his desk, likely because he was bored with paperwork or some other task.

[wisteria-lodge]

bird primary (snake system) + snake secondary (bird model, badger model, lion performance)

So, first things first: I’m fairly sure my houses (primary or secondary or maybe even both) are pretty heavily charred. The sorting hat chat quiz sends me away with a different result each time, and I can kind of relate to all the houses. I was thinking I might do this sort me post by talking about what I find confusing about the categories, I think it might be more helpful than just talking about myself. I’m also not neurotypical (there’s a good chance no-one in my family is), and I think my ADHD and (potentially, it’s under investigation) autism might be messing with my ability to figure out my secondary. Impulsivity, executive dysfunction…. Not necessarily helpful.

That’s a neat way of approaching things. I like it.

~ PRIMARIES ~

[Initial note: after reading a bunch of sorts and some of the stuff on the new sorting hat chats Tumblr, I’ve decided that primaries are functionally to do with the the concept of eudaimonia (philosophical contentment/the good life): what does character or person X require/feel is required to live a good life. Eg: a cause, people to be loyal to, a community, or a constructed system/truth. This affects what I’ll say/how I’ll say it below.]

I would completely agree with this statement, and we love Aristotle over here. 

The one primary I’ve decided I’m (probably?) not is bird. 

I’m totally listening and everything, but I can tell by your username that you’re a Discworld fan, and all the really big Discworld fans that I know are Bird primaries. Also your methodology so far seems pretty Bird. Like, you’re not just emotionally describing your life (the way a Lion would) you’re interrogating every step of the system I am presenting you with, and coming back with the bits you find confusing? 

(also my readers won’t be able to tell, but this is the second draft of your submission.)

My opinions and views tend to be very internal: I check them against the outside world to see what can be backed up in an argument

This just… a very bird primary statement. Obviously everything gets filtered though you, but you’re consciously pulling things in from external sources. 

but I’m not all that good at changing my mind. 

I’m not sure if anyone is amazing at that. But it’s something that is especially… embarrassing, or even disturbing, for Idealist primaries. 

I also just don’t have much faith in the idea of creating “systems” through which to understand the world/ethics, or in the concept of a “truth.” I’m wary of the idea that humans are capable of rationality outside very selective and artificial parameters like maths: especially in the field of ethics, most attempts at detached rationality that I’ve read seem intellectually dishonest.

I’m starting to think that you are such a *deep* Bird, that you are reading all the primaries as different flavors of bird, and when you do that “bird” comes out as simplified and Spock-like. You are literally working out a worldview here. It’s not a worldview based in “rationality,” and I support that completely. Anyone who believes themselves entirely rational or without bias is coming from a place of hubris. But this is still a worldview that you have consciously generated, and that is the important part when it comes to this system. 

…or hypocritical at best. 

I’m going on patterns here, because that’s all I can do. No one likes hypocrites. But Birds HATE hypocrites. 

Codes/methods/theories of ethics often boil down to something so similar to the societal ethics of their creators’ cultures/people’s instinctive reasoning that they just seem to me to be an unnecessary and defensive attempt to remove the emotions from emotional things. 

That’s some pushback against the way that I would say Badger primaries/lion primaries process things.

(As you could probably tell from the eudaimonia thing) I do have a soft spot for ancient virtue ethics though, which are at least honest about the fact that they’re not trying to create any new idea about what the “right” things to do are. Modern philosophers tend to argue this makes them insufficiently action-guiding; I prefer the idea that they just want to point out what people around them generally approve of, note that these often conflict with eachother, and leave room for their students to manoeuvre and judge for themselves what is best to do in the moment.

Okay, to generalize about antiquities virtue ethics… I do see a certain Lion flavor. There is a lot about good and bad feeling/emotions/instincts and the general way people tend to pursue the good ones, and interact as little as possible with the bad ones.

But you talk about them, and why you like them, in very Bird way. You feel they accurately express the world around you, which is very messy. And they leave enough moral room for “depends on the circumstance,” which also seems to be important to you. 

As for the other three, I start to get confused. I could be a lion primary, but the cause language trips me up: I don’t really have a cause to speak of, I don’t think. I definitely have no idea what I want to do with life, which is the kind of thing lion primary characters usually do. On the other hand this has left me in a kind of uncomfortable limbo while I try to reassess what I want, which might be (burnt) lionish? 

It’s true that sometimes Burnt Lions can look like Birds, but in your case - this is just Bird. “Cause” and “knowing what you want to do” are common visible symptoms of being a Lion, but not what a Lion is. Hey - you like ancient Greek philosophers. So how about this. Aristotle would tell you that the realest real things are external to you - things you can touch, measure, interact with, be observed by. That’s Bird. Plato would say that the realest real things are internal - perception, feelings, dreams, instincts. That’s Lion.

My family always say how loyal I am and I think I definitely come across as a loyalist primary to the world, and if I were to pick one I look like, it would probably be a snake. 

Well we already know you don’t like Badgers .

I definitely have “my people”, and I think I prioritise them in a snake like way – I really identify with the concentric rings of importance thing, and with the idea that privileging the people I love above others is just what you should do. I love being part of groups and communities, but I usually bond to specific people in the group: eg when my friends in a sports team I was in at uni graduated, the team became much less important to me. A point against snake primary would be that though my people are extract important to me this isn’t relevant to most of my life (they’re doing fine) and I actively dislike the idea of basing my morality and or life goals on what they think I should want. I like to feel I think for myself. 

While it’s common for Snakes to sort of *match* the moralities of their loved ones (and you see this a lot in fiction because it’s just a simple way of writing a character) they do not have to do this. It’s actually pretty common to see a Snake who looks like a Bird… until their people are in trouble. 

And you, at this point… could go either way. You might be a Bird who’s current worldview looks Snake, or you could be a Snake who constructs a satisfying Bird model to wear when your people are okay. I’m still leaning towards Bird - you’re just so specific and heated when laying out your worldview. But who are your important people? I don’t know.  

I also kind of identify with the badger need-basing thing. I feel very strongly that there are things that have to be done in any community – in particular that people who are in vulnerable moments need looking after – and if no-one else is doing that work them I should step up. So if I’m at a party and see someone getting too drunk/ looking particularly upset or something, I’ll obviously drop my night with my friends to go make sure they’re safe and that no-one takes advantage of their state. I don’t resent this: though I don’t necessarily find holding someone over a bin while they cry and throw up personally fulfilling, I want it to be done, and I know I’ll keep any stuff they let slip while their defenses are down private for them and it won’t enter the gossip mill. This seems badgery? 

It DOES… but it seems more Badger secondary, because this example is all about a way to do things, a style of interacting with the world that feels correct to you. Primaries are honestly extremely abstract.  

That said, I’m not sure I feel about this like a badger character would in fiction. It kind of feels like I’m bringing them into one of my concentric circles of awareness and importance, and at some level I tend to feel protective of (and I guess somewhat invested in) them from them on, to a greater extent than to others. 

I had a post about this feeling a while back. This idea felt so completely intrinsic to who I am as a person to that I thought it must have something to do with my Lion primary. But I got a lot responses back, and going from the evidence I compiled… this is a Badger secondary thing. 

I’m a maybe slightly excessively protective person when it comes to those individuals around me I feel need protecting. Not in a creepy way, and I try to a) stay out when I’m not needed and b) make myself not needed as fast as possible. (I don’t like people with saviour complexes, and after some bad experiences (one my own, others observation) with people who wanted a codependent kind of support so they could get away with not seeing a therapist, and communities/authority figures who actively refused to do anything but enable this I refuse to be pulled into that kind of behavior. I think — except in the very very short term – people in trouble need support from a community and if necessary from experts, not any one living emotional or physical crutch.) But I keep an eye out for them and worry about them.

What a mess of contradictions, have fun parsing it out 😛

Oh yeah, you’ve got some Badger secondary. With a lot of boundaries too. Cheers. 

~SECONDARIES~

I am very confused about secondaries. Like, so confused. This section is going to be really quite disorganized. I kind of feel like when I have a goal in mind I just do whatever I think will work to achieve it, and no method feels wrong or bad?

You might have lot of models, which is fun. I know you suspect you might be Burnt, but so far I’m really not seeing it. 

I think I’m not a badger, though I definitely learned courtier badger kind of skills at university and use them a lot when I’m dealing with people. I don’t really community build – I’m usually somewhere at the edges of the groups I belong to, and though I recognize it’s a compliment I resent the expectations that come with being “the reliable one.”

Okay, interesting. It’s possible that your Badger is a useful model that intellectually fits with your primary, but is sometimes confining. 

Cutting corners also doesn’t bother me a bit, as long as the end result works, and works at the standard I’d expect (i.e. a low standard is fine, for a short term thing/immediate need). If a corner can be cut without harming the end result, it’s obviously pointless, you know? Maybe you don’t – you’re a badger sec I think, but it feels basic to me? What works, works – and then I move on. 

To me there’s a rather big difference between a “cut corner” and “an unnecessary step,” and maybe it’s a semantic one, since I think you’re using those words interchangeably. Unnecessary steps are of course horrible and stupid. But cut corners - like here’s what I mean by a cut corner. I was legitimately surprised to learn that most people, even most religious people, had not read the Bible cover to cover. Like, why wouldn’t you? If religion is important to you? It’s just a long book. It is bizarre to me that so many people interact with the Bible through what are basically pre-assembled cheat-sheets and excerpts. But that is the kind of thing I mean, when I say that to a Badger, cutting corners on something that feels important can also feel immoral. 

That said, I really relate to the bit in the badger sec quiz description about people walking up and trusting you with their deep dark secrets. I don’t know what brings it on, though, and though it’s a compliment I generally wish they hadn’t. I usually can’t do anything to help, so I’m just stood there doing the listening and caring thing and then worrying for them after. Maybe I perform badger sec semi accidentally by using the courtier skills?

I think that is entirely possible, yes. 

The answer that sounds most obviously like me on the quiz is bird secondary, yet somehow it doesn’t feel like it fits. I do love accumulating skills and facts (I’m a fantastic quizzer)/learning everything I can find to know about a topic. I’ve been called a walking encyclopedia, the people around me like to test me on facts to see how much I know. Arguably I also use actor bird: I was literally sent to weekend drama school as a teen to learn social skills by learning to play other people, and it worked a charm. The skill and knowledge accumulation is a big source of joy for me, and I definitely don’t think of it as a means to an end (I can’t think of many situations in which this would be useful) which the SHC quiz suggests makes it not a model. 

My answer to that is that not all models are tools. Sometimes models are toys (or coping mechanisms, like your Actor Bird.)

But something about it feels wrong? To start with, I really hate plans and planning. I begrudgingly learned to do essay plans before I started writing halfway through university, and they were definitely useful for keeping things organized and getting good marks, but I have to keep them minimal to make them bearable. Generally plans of any sort leave me feeling kind of trapped and ineffective, so I really feel like I could be an improvisational secondary.

I agree.

The question would then be which, I guess. I find the description of lion confusing. What does it mean, outside fiction, to charge? As a small child (under ten) I would say I was pretty “charge-ey,” but then children often are. 

But not all children. (I wasn’t.) Also, Lion gets simplified down into “charge” mostly because of the parent system. I think that the better metaphor is a battering ram. 

I was certainly blunt and stubborn, and kind of am now, but that could be neutral snake 

I was about to say there could be some Neutral Snake. The “immovable object.”

(I like a bit of privacy, so I relate to the idea of picking and choosing which facets of me people I don’t love and trust see). 

Not really a Lion answer, that.

What feels less snakeish for me is that I used to really resent those faces as a child – I hated people trying to mould me into someone “cooler”. 

Well of course a Snake is going to hate that. A Snake thinks of their faces as creative modes of expression, someone infringing on that would just be awful.

My refusal made me lonely though, so I had to reassess. I do have a bad habit of picking fights and arguments when I feel someone’s been wronged that could I guess be called “charging”, though I could as easily think of it as a combative face worn as a tactic. 

This sounds like the Actor Bird model which we know you have. 

I’ve been described as “intense, but in a fun way” by several people who’d never met eachother. 

I would also describe you as ‘intense, but in a fun way.’

I also relate to your description somewhere of lion pri as “the best way out is through”/“screw it, let’s do this.” I am very willing to just power through a problem towards a goal, and metaphorically shove everything aside. I guess my question though would be this: what does a lion secondary look like when it can’t decide on anything to charge for, and it’s just waiting around? Would it maybe look like neutral snake? Because that could be me at the moment. 

A Lion without a direction to go in is just kinda… there. And it’s not the most pleasant feeling in the world. Maybe this is where your feeling of “burning” is coming from. But like… you don’t seem terribly bothered by it? Which makes me think more Neutral Snake again.

Also, do lions ever model snake?

Not… really. They’re honestly two very, very different ways of even conceptualizing the world, although they can occasionally look similar from the outside. Sometimes very Burnt Lion secondaries model Snake, but that’s all I’ve seen. 

Because lying doesn’t bother me, I think. Or maybe it does. I very rarely tell actual untruths, in the sense of something that could be fact checked and traced back to me, leaving me caught out. I’d rather keep quiet than do that. It seems dumb to me: it damages your reputation, and the only way to get away with it would be more fact checkable lies, leaving me even more vulnerable to getting caught out. I try to maintain and live up to a reputation for honesty and trustworthiness, because it’s useful when dealing with others and it feels good to be trusted. And most of the faces I wear boil down to various levels of masking to look more neurotypical, more than anything else. 

That said, though, I’m perfectly happy to misrepresent myself or a situation if I feel it’s important (or even just if I’m trying to convince someone of something in an argument). I just find it much easier to do by selecting which truths I tell carefully, and lining them up in misdirecting ways. That way I can’t be caught. I also feel like I problem solve creatively, in an outside the box way, and I’m happy to try coming at something from several different angles till it works.

Oh. Here we go. Now you properly sound like a Snake. What a Lion calls “lying” a Snake will absolutely say “misrepresentation” or “selecting truths.” Your solo problem solving sounds very Snake as well (and I’ll bet you’re more of a single-player snake than a multi-player one.)

(also I’m doubling down on Bird primary because of this apparent love of formal arguments.)

Finally, I think maybe describing how I liked to go about writing my twice weekly essays as an undergrad would give the best picture of the secondary methods I use, because I felt very comfortable and happy using them and know they were apparently odd 

… which I will summarize here, because that was a very long description.

give myself very limited time to work (so I don’t feel pressured to use essay planning.)

write down everythingI already know

only use easily accessible texts. (only read for answers to the specific question.)

when all that’s in my head, just write the thing in one go, turn it in.

the essays work for my audience, therefore they’re good. 

As you can see I cut a lot of corners, but as long as I had found a point to make the essays were genuinely fine, even good quality; people didn’t notice or complain about the quality of my work and I honestly found it a fulfilling tactic. I was very very good at being a technically bad student, I guess, and I kind of found the (deserved) imposter syndrome thrilling rather than bad, like I’d found a loophole.

You clever snake. Whereas I once translated parts of a mimeographed dissertation out of German so I could cite them in a paper. I don’t even speak German. And now I’m going to go back and read this over for repetition and flow, even though it is very long. I guess we’re both a little crazy.

Right, I’m done, and I’m satisfied with this. Sorry about the length, and thanks for reading!

I had had fun. And dear god, no wonder you had difficulties with your secondary. You are a Snake secondary who models Bird as a coping mechanism (neurodivergent) and also a toy, and you have one very Badger flavored and one very Lion flavored Actor Bird persona.

[acronymking4tdp]

All About Numbers

Am I the only one growing frustrated with “progressive” voters (US-centric, sorry) and their inability to understand how math and our government work?? Sorry if you weren’t paying attention in Civics class, but you’ve probably been required to study this stuff three times - junior high/ middle school, high school, and college/university.  At this point there isn’t much that a president can do about the recent (and upcoming - be very afraid) decisions made by SCOTUS. They have LIFETIME APPOINTMENTS.  Not saying that at least three of the current justices couldn’t be justifiably impeached, but it’s not going to happen. This is the hard lesson on “protest votes” - Everybody who thought a protest vote against Hillary because she was “too corporate” owns this. Trump appointed (god it hurts to put this in print) THREE (count ‘em, three) conservative justices.  Biden can’t touch that. The Congress is pretty evenly split in both houses.  Biden can suggest any legislation he wants. It won’t get passed. Period. But, “End the filibuster!” Can’t happen, THE MATH DOESN’T WORK. The GOP vote as a block. There will be ZERO GOP votes for that, and the Dems won’t vote as a block. It only takes one Dem to vote against and it fails. Right now more than one Dem Senator would vote against, so IT FAILS. This, my compatriots, is why Biden and Dem leaders are all saying VOTE MORE.  If you don’t like the conservative direction the courts have turned, if you don’t like that women have lost a Constitutional right to making their own health decisions, if you are worried that the court will overturn the right of all people to marry the person they love, if you are concerned that members of the LGBTQ+ community could lose their Constitutional protections, if you are worried that ideology is replacing science in the legislative process, then VOTE. And get others to VOTE. No matter who, vote BLUE. And with a conservative SCOTUS, State other local offices are even more important than ever. Think global, vote local. My friends this is not a drill. This is our democracy on life support.  Historically the party in the White House loses seats in the midterm elections. Why? The supporters of that party become complacent and don’t show. People who voted for the POTUS get angry that their pet issues haven’t passed (even when it’s the Congress, not the WH, that passes legislation ... remember Civics class?) And of course, the opposing party blames every problem in the world on the US President, even when that person can do nothing about them, even when they helped cause the problems (cough, GOP tax cuts, cough). Dems are imperfect at best, but the GOP is immeasurably worse if you care about the issues named above. The Dems cannot lose seats in the midterms.  The GOP is poised to make sure that they never lose control of the Congress and White House again, and SCOTUS will not step in to block the laws they are going to pass.

“Them’s the facts.”

We need to fight early, fight hard, fight to the end.  In my district we just selected the weakest of the 4 main candidates to run against a very competitive GOP candidate. Our Blue district will likely be flipped in November, but I will be making phone calls and knocking on doors and doing whatever I can to fight that result. If you care, please do the same wherever you are. Don’t be afraid to volunteer to help outside of your district or state as well.

[yuta-nakamots]

Playing Games - n.yt

Pairing - Frat Boy!Yuta x Reader

Genre - College!AU, Fluff, Smut, Slight Angst

Warnings - Safe sex, swearing, alcohol consumption

Summary - Yuta is a notorious frat boy known for sleeping around with tons of girls yet never getting into a relationship. You never would have thought you’d become entangled with him until fate ends up placing both of you in the same beginner guitar class during your spring semester.

Word Count - 11.2k

A/N - i do not condone or promote the behavior or fraternities or sororities, especially during COVID-19, read a bit about it here. i am simply writing about my own fantasy in my own ideal world. with that being said, please remember to wear your masks and stay safe out there. this one shot will be my first work with smut in it so i’m open to pretty much any and all feedback. special thank you to @neocitybynight​ for helping me work out some of the plot!

Tag List - @jisungismymom @jikooksgirl19 @jungcity @boiolay @yasmini24

Written for the Bingo Collab hosted by @legendnct​. Check out the masterlist here.

Prompts;

"Baby, I’m afraid to fall in love. ‘Cause what if it’s not reciprocated?” –  Pink Sweat$ - Honesty

“So won’t you say my name, say my name?”– summer walker - playing games

“Don’t follow me, you’ll end up in my arms” –  Joji - SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK

“Can you focus on me? Baby can you focus on me?”– H.E.R - focus

“Oh, how I love you. I just feel so lost without you.”–  McKay & Jeff Bernat - Angel 2 Me

It’s the first day of your second semester of college and you’re starting to rethink your decision of signing up for Guitar 101 as you step into the classroom. You don’t remember what pushed you to add this course to your schedule other than the fact that it would knock off two off your graduation requirements, though surely there were other courses that could’ve done that as well.

You were quite the beginner to guitar, having only touched one maybe only a few times in your life and you were sure that you absolutely would not have ever thought about taking Guitar 101 if it wasn’t for your friend Mark, who had suggested it to you.

Mark is a sweet guy and you just so happened to have the pleasure of meeting last semester in your math class. He had walked in late on the first day and took the seat next to you as he muttered something about the campus being too big and not having building names displayed clearly.

Your friendship truly started the day he came in without any of his belongings, not even his backpack. “I, uh, woke up late and ran to class. Literally.” You could tell from the way sections of his hair were standing up and how his white t-shirt was inside out, but you didn’t tell him that.

“If it’s okay with you, can you send me your notes later?” He asked, his eyes resembling that of boba. Mark let out an audible sigh of relief when you agreed and handed him your phone to type in his number. As soon as he gave it back to you, you sent him a message to make sure he typed it correctly and it was at that moment that Mark realized, after a whole month of sitting next to you and occasionally working together, he had yet to remember your name.

‘Hey, this is y/n. Still can’t believe you forgot your backpack’

The two of you fit together like puzzle pieces and you always did your work together at any given opportunity, finding that two heads are definitely better than one when it came to calculus.  Sometimes working on projects together often led to you and Mark spending more time together and eventually leading both of your guys’ friends to speculate that you were dating, to which you insisted was not true.

Your friends seemed to understand and leave it be, though Mark’s friends were a whole different story. He was part of one of the newest frats on campus which had come to fame due to their good-looking members, not a single one of them falling even a hair short of having god-tier visuals. You recognized a few of them, having been to their frat house a couple of times to work on projects with Mark though most of them were older than you so it came as a surprise to you when you saw one of them in your beginner guitar class.

You didn’t know his name but he was easy to remember with his long black hair and his ever-changing fashion sense. Today, he resembled something out of a motorcycle magazine with his maroon leather jacket, black ripped jeans, and the bandana tied around his head.

You watched as he took a seat in the front of the room though you had enough sense to turn your attention back to the professor who had started class and was displaying a list of names with corresponding locker numbers that housed the guitar you’d be using.

Standing up with the rest of the class, you went to go find your own locker and let out a sigh of relief when you saw it was on the bottom row because that meant less effort to take it in and out rather than if you had one on the top row.

Right as you popped your lock open, a shadow was cast over you and you turned around to see Mark’s friend who was even more stunning up close. He flashed you a quick smile along with an apology as he moved to the side to give you more room and allow you to grab your guitar out from the locker.

You were just slightly irritated at the guy. People with good looks knew how to use them to their advantage and this man obviously knew what he was doing. Had he been sane, he could’ve just waited for you to get your stuff out before getting his own, but instead, he chose to tower over you as you were crouching down on the floor.

Your eyes followed his figure as he made his way back to his seat in the front of the room, sitting down in front of the professor and you rolled your eyes knowing that he’s going to have an ego as tall as a skyscraper.

Aside from your encounter with the nameless e-boy, your first class went pretty okay though you were already having a little trouble remembering which chords were which so you sent a text to Mark asking for tips. He responds a few minutes later with fingering charts and even offers to tutor you, which you gladly accept.

You and Mark had appointed Wednesday afternoons and Sunday mornings as your lesson times and the first time you visit him is on the former. It was February so the weather was still quite cold though it wasn’t cold enough to make you regret not wearing a thicker jacket.

Before you could even text Mark that you’re outside the frat house, the door opens and he pulls you in, visibly shivering due to only being in a t-shirt and basketball shorts. “Not so Canadian are you, huh?” You joke at him, seeing the once thick-skinned boy now struggling to warm himself up as he practically ran up the stairs to his room.

You followed him up, greeting his roommate, Taeil, when you passed him in the hallway. Taeil was the oldest member of the frat and was set to graduate at the end of the semester. He had you absolutely fooled when you first met him. His personality reminded you of a golden meadow or a sunny beach but he was a total animal when it came to parties though Mark had told you that you’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg.

Having seen Taeil out in the hallway, you thought you and Mark would be the only ones in the room so you weren’t expecting to see the same guy from guitar class lying around on Mark’s bed. “Yuta, this is y/n, y/n meet Yuta.”

Yuta gave you that same smile you saw on the first day of class as he told Mark, “oh, I know her, she’s in my guitar class.”

“Dude, that’s so cool. You guys can work together on projects and the playing tests then. Man, that course would’ve been way more fun if I could play with someone I knew.” You shot Mark an awkward smile as if telling him to move on because you highly doubted that you’d ever want to work with Yuta, especially if his ego was as big as you thought it was. He’d call you out left and right for even the tiniest mistakes and you didn’t want to put yourself through that.

Mark cleared his throat while grabbing his guitar and handing it to you, and Taeil’s guitar to Yuta. “Yeah so, uh, anyway, I thought it would be better to teach you guys at the same time since you both are at the same level if that’s okay with you.” Mark’s question was obviously aimed towards you however Yuta answered first without any hesitation.

“Works for me.” Yuta looked over to you, strands of his white locks falling in front of his eyes though it didn’t dampen the intensity of his gaze in the slightest.

You didn’t exactly like the idea of playing with an audience, even if it was just Yuta. But if he was a beginner like you, then theoretically the playing field should be even. It was only because of this did you nod your head, telling Mark, “sure.”

Your first lesson with Mark consisted of his retaught both you and Yuta the fundamentals and basic chords you had already learned, making sure that your hands and fingers were placed the right way. Yuta, who was having a harder time than you, let out an exasperated sigh as he leaned back against the wall next to Mark’s bed while he ripped open a bag of gummy bears. “Whoever gets the fingerings right first gets a gummy bear.”

“Okay, bet.” Not really one for competition, you wanted to refuse his proposal, but this guy was really getting on your nerves. It was as if he had no interest yet all the passion in the world. And that’s aside from the fact that you simply wanted to continue showing him up and proving that you weren’t such a pushover and he can’t simply bend you to his will.

The three of you became so wrapped up in the competition that you didn’t even notice that you were supposed to leave to get to your last class of the day, which was now starting in five minutes. When you glanced over at the clock on Mark’s desk, you practically jumped out of your seat, “holy shit, I’m gonna be late to class.”

“I can drive you if you want.” Yuta offered.

“No, it’s okay, I’ll be fine.” You weren’t exactly lying but you weren’t entirely telling the truth as you declined him. It was an eight-minute walk away but you could probably make it in six if you did your Black Friday walk and surely your professor wouldn’t mind if you were just a minute late.

Mark helped you gather your belongings and held his door open for you. “Alright, see you y/n. I’ll set an alarm next time so we don’t forget.” He said with a slight laugh in his voice.

As you stepped out of the frat house, you just couldn’t stop your mind from wandering back to Yuta. He barely even knew you yet he had offered to drive you to class, even though your campus wasn’t particularly large. There was something about that man that made you want to run for your life but also just stop and stare at him all day.

The second time you had a lesson with Mark is on a Sunday morning and you’re pleasantly surprised to see that Yuta is nowhere to be found as you set foot into Mark’s room. After placing your bag down next to Mark’s desk, you pick up Taeil’s guitar and join him on his bed while he quietly plays a song to himself.

“Yuta’s still knocked out from the party we had yesterday so I doubt he’ll be joining us.” Mark informed you, and his statement rang true as Yuta did not come in during all of the three hours you spent next to Mark, much to your relief. Instead, Taeil had come in, looking terribly hungover.

“Hey, what’s up man.” Is all Taeil got to say before rolling into his bed, putting in a single Airpod before falling asleep, much to both you and Mark’s amusement.

Mark had tried to teach you basic chord sequences and strumming patterns but your brain just wasn’t having it. He kept giggling at seeing you frustrated and you had to repeatedly tell him to shut up in fear of waking Taeil so eventually both of you decided to call it a day as you put the guitars back on their stands.

You got back onto the bed next to Mark as both of you played on your phones for a bit before he turned his off and turned to talk to you. “Hey, y/n, so the guys are throwing this party next week Saturday and I was wondering if you’d want to come.”

“Next Saturday...Valentine’s Day?” You ask as you check your calendar on your phone.

“Yeah. You don’t have to though if you already have other plans.” Mark blurted out.

You laughed at the thought of actually going on a date on Valentine’s Day. “Didn’t have any plans besides ordering take-out and watching Netflix.”

Mark laughed along with you. “So is that a yes?”

“Sure.”

“Do you wanna sleepover too since you’re gonna be here on Sunday morning anyway?” You raised an eyebrow at Mark, wondering if he was actually serious.

“Sounds convenient but then where are you gonna sleep?” You countered.

“Uh, in Taeil’s bed.” Mark said, the gears in his head almost visibly turning.

“And where is he going to sleep?” You ask, not wanting to cause the kind senior any extra stress from having to deal with Mark as a roommate on top of his impending graduation.

Mark reached up and scratched the back of his head. “I don’t know, probably somewhere on the floor downstairs.” Your eyes grew wide at his statement. “Okay wait, before you yell at me, Taeil always gets too hammered to make it back up to the room until like, Sunday afternoon as you clearly just saw.” He explained, gesturing to his sleeping body on the other side of the room.

“Okay, then. But if he gets mad, it’s your fault, your idea, not mine.”

By the time Valentine’s Day came around, you were more than ready for it to end, having been annoyed by all the lovey-dovey advertisement and the couples posting on Instagram and holding hands and kissing wherever you went. You had always heard that love finds its way to those who are least expecting it, which is why you gave up the thought of ever pining over a guy who was likely to reject you anyway. Though, sure enough, love really did find a way of messing with your life in more than one way.

When you arrived at the party, you had first gone up to Mark’s room to drop off your bag that held your change of clothes and personal hygiene supplies. You don’t know what you were expecting to see when you entered his room, but you certainly weren’t expecting to see Mark’s bare ass while he was fucking into a girl in his bed, the same bed you were supposed to sleep in at the end of the night. “Oh, shit, fuck, sorry y/n, can you just uh, come back in a bit-”

You were pretty sure you were just as embarrassed as Mark, shouting “alright, have fun dude” as you closed the door. You turned around to search for somewhere else to go, pondering on the idea of just going back to your dorm after the party and walked right into Taeil.

“Should I not go in there?” He asked, having seen the way you backed out of the room and closed the door.

“Not unless you wanna see Mark’s butt.”

“Eh, I see it from time to time, can’t be any worse than usual.”

“Taeil, no” you exclaim, grabbing onto his arm and pulling him away before he could open the door.

“Oh, you mean to see his butt while he’s doing that kind of thing, I get it now.” He said with a playful glint in his eyes. “Were you planning on sleeping over?” He asked, having noticed the duffel bag hanging from your shoulder.

You let out a sigh before answering. “Yeah, I was gonna sleep in Mark’s bed and he was gonna sleep in yours since he said you apparently get too fucked up to make it back to the room.” At which Taeil laughs as he nodded his head, acknowledging the statement.

“He’s certainly not wrong,” Taeil confirmed, “did you want to put that down somewhere? I can let you keep it in our lounge room during the party. It’s a members-only room so you can just ask one of the guys to open it for you later in case I’m already out.”

You can’t help but giggle at Taeil’s joke as you accept his offer, following him down the hallway to a door where he punches in some numbers onto a keypad before opening it. Your jaw dropped when you looked inside, being met with a huge U-shaped couch facing the back wall where a large TV was mounted. “What do you guys even do in here?”

“Usually just gaming, sometimes watching big sports matches. Just normal guys stuff. We agreed to no sex, drugs, or alcohol in here so it’s like a safe room of sorts I guess.” Taeil explained to you.

“Huh, didn’t think you guys would have something like this.” You told him as you placed your duffle bag against the wall near the door.

“Frat life isn’t just all about getting high and drunk you know, y/n,” he said, playfully scoffing at you, “but speaking of, would you like to get a drink downstairs?” You nod your head before walking alongside Taeil as he places an arm around your shoulders, guiding you down to the party.

As you pass by Mark’s room along the way to the stairs, both you and Taeil share a laugh as you could hear the faint noises of sex through the door, though you really just wanted to erase the image of Mark’s ass from your head. Taeil seems to understand this much as he takes you to the kitchen and tells Doyoung, the frat’s resident entrepreneur with a side hobby for mixology, to get you something strong.

You’ve met Doyoung a couple of times, though you only exchanged short greetings since you were always doing something with Mark. “Where’s your boyfriend?” He inquired.

“Who?”

“Mark.”

“Oh, we’re not dating. He’s in his room though.”

“Sure seems like you’re dating. Why isn’t he here with you?”

Taeil responds, saving you from having to explain to Doyoung. “He’s getting lucky with some other girl.”

Doyoung’s eyes go wide as he responds, “that’s a first for him.”

You were about to ask what he meant by that but you’re interrupted by loud yells coming from the living room, causing you to turn around and see what was going on. You spot Yuta standing up on the makeshift DJ booth in the corner of the room with Johnny, who you recognized as your TA in your English class, as he grabbed the microphone and shouted “let’s get fucking drunk” before Johnny could manage to yank it out of his grasp and turn it off.

“What’s with that guy?” You mumble to yourself, not really expecting Doyoung to overhear you.

“Oh, Yuta? He’s just like that sometimes.” Doyoung states, shrugging his shoulders as he wiped the kitchen counter with a towel. “He’s that one friend who does really questionable things but you can’t get rid of them because deep down they’re actually pretty nice.”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “You think he’s nice?”

“He is once you get to know him.”

You look at Taeil for reaffirmation only to find that said man is long gone, the only evidence of him ever being there is his yellow phone left lying on the counter next to Doyoung’s own drink. “I’ve gotten to know him and I wouldn’t say he’s nice, per se.”

Doyoung shakes his head at you, “you just haven’t cracked him open yet.”

“Why do you talk as if he’s an egg or something?” You joke laughing to yourself and watching as Doyoung fights back a smile.

“He is, in a sense. He’s got a tougher exterior along with his own inner issues that come tumbling out once he trusts you.”

“Like?”

Doyoung hums in thought before speaking. “I’m not gonna say too much because it’s his life and his own story to tell, but let me just ask you this one question. Don’t you ever wonder why he constantly sleeps around with girls yet never gets into a relationship with any of them?”

You ponder on the question before asking one back. “So are the rumors true?” Yuta’s reputation did precede him and you had, in fact, heard from other girls who had their own stories and adventures with Yuta but you didn’t necessarily believe them completely, not wanting to assume anything about Yuta.

“Some, not all...but yes, most of the ones I have heard were true, but maybe that’s just because people know I live with him so there’s no sense in trying to lie around me.” Doyoung responds to which you nod your head, acknowledging the accuracy behind his statement.

Three shots later of whatever Doyoung was making you, you were already starting to feel hot and lightheaded so you went back upstairs, as per Doyoung’s advice, and made your way to Mark’s room hoping he’d be done by now. You cracked his door open and peeked around it, grumbling to yourself as you saw your best friend and the same girl from earlier wrapped up in his blanket. You weren’t too sure where you were going to sleep tonight and you weren’t too keen on walking back to your dorm this late at night, especially when you were already starting to feel tipsy.

Closing the door quietly, not wanting to disturb the two people inside, you step away from the room, only to run into someone behind you. You spun around, ready to apologize until you realized who it was. Yuta, a quite drunk Yuta too.

“Taeil told me Mark got lucky-” he stopped to hiccup, “but I didn’t fully believe it so I came to-” he hiccuped again, “see for myself, but I think your action speak-” he reached up to briefly rub his eyes, “louder than words” he finished, letting out a yawn at the end. “Need somewhere to stay?”

“How did you know I was sleeping over?” You ask, wary of the man and his intentions.

He waves his hands as if dismissing your preconceived notions. “Taeil told me that too. Makes sense anyway since you’re here on Sunday’s as well.”

You sighed, not wanting to let yourself give in to Yuta yet again and give him another thing to hold over you, but it wasn’t as if you had many other options. “Taeil let me leave my bag in the lounge, can you unlock the door for me? I think I’ll just ask Doyoung to drive me back to my dorm or something.”

Yuta hummed as he grabbed your wrist and led you down the hallway to the lounge. He unlocked the door for you and held it open, but once both of you were inside, he closed the door behind him and turned on the mood lighting and watched as the room began to glow purple.

You picked up your bag as Yuta threw himself over the backrest of the sofa and tumbled onto the cushions. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re beautiful?”

“Well, yeah?” You stuttered, taken aback by his sudden comment.

“Damn, I wanted to be the first.”

“Okay?” You said, questioning his antics as Doyoung’s words floated through your head about Yuta and his trysts with girls, not wanting to become another victim.

As if Yuta could hear you thinking, he sat up and peered over the couch just enough to make eye contact with you, his eyes mischievously shining in the low lighting. “Were you gonna sleep with Mark?” He asked, raising his eyebrow suggestively.

“What? No,” you exclaim, “he’s my best friend, I would never do that.”

“Not like that you sicko,” Yuta said as he chuckled at your flustered state.

“Oh,” realization dawning upon you, “uh, yeah, I was planning to just sleep in his bed and he was gonna take Taeil’s but now I’m pretty sure that’s not happening tonight.”

“You can stay in my room if you want.” Now it was your turn to raise a suggestive eyebrow at him. “No, it’s not what you’re thinking. My roommate is away in China so his side is open. You can sleep in my bed if you’re not comfortable being in a stranger’s bed.” You were surprised he made it through such a long statement without any hiccups.

“Uh, thanks, I guess I’ll take you up on that offer.” You say, finally unrooting yourself from the floor and making your way towards the door.

Yuta begins haphazardly pulling himself over the back of the couch seeing as how you were ready to leave the room. “I’ll show you to the bathroom.” He would’ve face planted straight into the floor if it weren’t for you standing right in his path of destruction, barely catching him before he nearly sent both of you to the ground. “Sorry” he giggled as he regained his balance and pushed open the door.

You couldn’t mistake the way his body felt against yours, how warm and comforting it was. He smelled nice too, which was odd for someone who partied like an animal and lived with god knows how many other guys. You shook yourself out of your thoughts and grabbed your bag, following Yuta out of the lounge.

He led you to the bathroom and instructed you on how to use the shower and lock the door before telling you how to get to his room once you were done. The bathroom was surprisingly neat but you were sure it was thanks to Doyoung and Taeyong, the only two people you thought had their heads on straight in this house. Even if you had only briefly met both of them, it was enough to let you know that those men were the reason why the house somehow looked presentable within just a few hours after a raging party.

You showered quickly, the effect of Doyoung’s drinks really hitting you now, making you want to just pass out. Once you were done showering you threw on one of Mark’s shirts that you had previously stolen, intending on giving it back to him tonight, but you weren’t comfortable wearing your normal beat up sleepwear in front of Yuta, so you opted to wear Mark’s shirt instead.

Not quite wanting to have another incident like the one you had earlier with Mark, you knocked on Yuta’s door just to be safe. You heard him laugh from the inside as he called out “it’s unlocked, just come in.” As you let yourself in, he got off his bed telling you “I’m going to shower now. Just make yourself comfortable in whichever bed you want. I’ll sleep in whatever one you don’t choose.”

After he left the room, you looked between the two beds. One was neatly made and had pictures strung up on the wall next to it, the blankets and sheets folded nicely and placed alongside a few pillows near the foot of the bed. The other, which Yuta had just rolled out of, had wrinkled sheets with the blanket half falling off the bed, not a single pillow within a whole six-foot radius of his bed.

You didn’t really want to mess up the organization of whoever his roommate was, so instead, you just took one of the pillows and plopped it onto Yuta’s bed as you grabbed the blanket from the floor and pulled it over your head, allowing his scent to flood your nose. Just as you were about to drift into sleep, you heard the door open and close followed by rapid footsteps coming your way.

Before you even had time to react, Yuta was flinging himself on top of you and laughing as you gasped for air under his weight. “Somebody looks comfortable.” He teased as you continued squirming, trying to push him off you.

You wouldn’t take him to be a clingy drunk after seeing how rowdy he was during the party, but you suppose this is the side of him that managed to charm so many other girls into thinking they’d be that one lucky girl to finally win over Nakamoto Yuta’s heart. “Get off of me.” You uttered forcefully as you tried to make him move over and relieve the pressure on your chest and stomach.

“You silly, this is my bed” he cooed, letting another round of giggles leave his lips before rolling off you towards the wall, leaving you on the outside of the bed. He threw the blanket over himself, humming as he felt the warmth of it, that you had made, on his freshly showered skin.

Yuta kept his distance as he laid on his back with his eyes closed, his hands reaching up to ruffle his damp hair, speaking of which, “you know people say you can get sick if you go to sleep with damp hair?” You asked him quizzically.

“Yeah, but I’ve never gotten sick from it so I don’t really care.” He said dismissively.

A few moments passed before either one of you spoke again. “Didn’t you say that you were going to sleep in the other bed?” You questioned, remembering your conversation from not too long ago.

“Yeah, but I’m too lazy to unfold everything and put it back in the morning so here I am.” Yuta beamed, smiling over at you. You rolled your eyes at him, scoffing as he continued playing with his hair, making it stick up in different directions. “I can sleep somewhere else if you’re not comfortable with me being here.”

You wanted to say ‘yes, please move’ but you didn’t have enough strength in you to tell him to get out, not when you enjoyed his presence next to you so instead you simply told him “it’s fine” before tugging over more of his blanket and turning to face away from him.

He let out a whine as now half of his body was uncovered and exposed to the cold winter air and he yanked his blanket back, inadvertently pulling you with it, causing you to face him with your forehead nearly resting against his chest. “Why are you hogging my blanket?” Yuta whined.

“I’m not hogging it, you just keep trying to take more than your fair share of it.” You fired back at him.

“This is my room and my blanket.”

“You’re the one who offered to let me stay here, and might I add, you said you were going to sleep in the bed that I didn’t choose.”

“I can always retract my offer, you know.” You shook your head, the idea of asking Doyoung to drive you back to your dorm at 3am wasn’t exactly appealing to you. “Okay then come closer so we can actually share the blanket instead of leaving one of us to freeze.”

You let out a huff and scooted closer to Yuta. “Are you happy now?” Yuta let out a hum as he smiled down at you, the corners of his eyes crinkling underneath the strands of bleached white hair that had fallen in front of his face.

Closing your eyes again, you tried to fall asleep, hoping that you wouldn’t have any further interruptions from Yuta, but you couldn’t seem to fully relax with the main light of the room still on. “Yuta can you turn off the light?” He looked over you, clearly unhappy. “Please?”

“You’re closer.”

“God, why are you so difficult.” You remarked as you slid out from under the blanket, walking over to flip the light switch.

“I’m not difficult, you’re difficult.” He fired at you as the room became dark, illuminated only from the light of the moon. “You’re always so uptight and on edge about getting to class on time and being prepared.”

“Because that’s what a good student does, and unlike you, I actually want to graduate from college in four years.” You spit back as you rolled back into the bed next to him.

“Hey, not everyone graduates within four years, some of us just have a different path in life. And what makes you think that I’m not trying to graduate soon?”

“Your attitude and your seemingly nonexistent care to even make it to class on time.”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t do my work though.”

“But you totally miss the instructions that the professors give at the beginning of class.”

“It’s not hard to figure things out when you’ve got a brain as big as mine.”

“You’re so annoying, just let me sleep.” You grumbled as you moved closer to him, wanting more of the blanket.

Silence falls upon both of you again but you let out a huff when Yuta starts talking again. He sure was annoying as hell when he was drunk. “Do you have feelings for Mark, or like, any other guys...like at all?”

You stared up at him, praying he’d feel the daggers coming from your eyes, “no.”

“Good, I was hoping you didn’t so I could do this.”

“Do wha-”

You hadn’t even finished your sentence before Yuta tilted your chin up and brought his lips to yours, eagerly molding his to fit the shape of yours.

You didn’t know what you were thinking when you started to kiss him back, in fact, you probably weren’t thinking at all. Yuta took it as a green light and let the hand that was against your chin find its way to the back of your neck to pull you in closer. You didn’t realize your body had shifted until you were now completely pressed up against him. It soon became all too hot and suffocating, forcing you to pull away and break the kiss.

Your eyes met his and held his gaze as you came to your senses. “Yuta, I’m not here to have sex with you.”

“Wasn’t planning on it.” He replied almost nonchalantly.

You rolled your eyes at him, “no, I mean, like ever.”

“Okay. Who says I can’t just kiss a pretty girl because I want to?” He asked, the attitude in his voice was almost enough to make you want to slap him.

“I do?” You quipped. “I didn’t tell you that you could kiss me either-”

“Says the person who was definitely not kissing me back.” Yuta teased as he cocked an eyebrow at you, daring you to continue.

You flung the blanket off of you, not wanting to put up with any more of his antics. “Don’t use your fuckboy charms on me, I’m not here to become another one of your girls.”

“Y/n, wait, that’s not what I meant to do,” he whined, grabbing your wrist before you could fully get out of the bed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come off that way and for your information, I am not attached any of the ‘girls’ you are alluding to.”

“You attached yourself to them the moment you put your dick inside them and gave them something to talk about.”

“That's not what I intended to do.”

“Then what is it that you intend to do, Yuta?”

He paused with his mouth slightly open and you took this moment to separate your wrist from his grasp before he spoke again. “I don’t try to ‘charm’ them or whatever you call it. I’m not even looking for a relationship, trust me.”

“And why should I trust you when you have girls practically throwing themselves at you?”

Yuta let out a groan as he flopped onto his back. “Look, I never wanted to be this blunt with you but I’m not looking for a relationship because the last one I was in ended with me getting cheated on.” He paused as if letting his words sink in. “I don’t want to fall in love again because I don’t want to risk going through that same pain another time. I’m scared to fall in love because what if it’s not reciprocated? Is that enough to make you believe me?”

You stare at him in shock, barely managing to stutter out “I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

“It’s fine, let’s just go to sleep, I said too much already.” He interrupted, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you back under the blanket. Once you were close enough for his liking, Yuta let go of you, retracting his arm back to his half of the bed though he stopped when he felt your hand on his forearm. He looked up at you with wide eyes as you pulled his arm back over you and allowed your forehead to rest against his chest.

Yuta stayed like that until you fell asleep, finding it hard to do the same. It took him awhile to find himself in the familiar lull due to his thoughts running rampant in his mind as his eyes traced over your features. If only you could read his mind, you’d know of the dilemma he realized he had wrapped himself into that he was too scared to admit on his own.

You woke up with a pounding headache, to say the least. Reaching up to massage your forehead, you tried to roll onto your back only to find that you weren’t able to. You jerked around, finding Yuta’s sleeping body as you remembered the events and conversations that took place just hours prior. You stilled as you took a moment to admire the way the golden rays of sun seeped in through the window, falling across his face and causing him to have an ethereal glow. He’d be quite attractive if it wasn’t for his attitude.

However, his face alone wasn’t enough to distract you from the fact that he was practically spooning you and you weren’t confident that you could get out without waking him though what really irked you was the fact that part of you didn’t want to leave from his warm embrace.

You stayed in his arms for a few minutes longer until your headache became unbearable and your throat was begging for something to drink. You tried your best to gently extract yourself from Yuta but much to your distaste, he woke up. He caused you even more displeasure when he pulled you back towards himself and whined “where are you going?”

“I’m thirsty and I have a headache.” You stated plainly, your voice void of energy.

Yuta whined once more before trying to reason with you. “But it’s cold, it’s cuddle weather.”

“I didn’t say that I wanted to cuddle with you.” You pointed out, at which Yuta finally forced his eyes open as he yawned and stretched before sighing.

“I’ll get you water and some ibuprofen if you stay for a little longer.”

“Fine, but that’s only because I don’t have anywhere else to go.” You were trying to convince him of this as much as you were trying to convince yourself of the statement while he gave you one of the brightest smiles you’ve seen from a full-time college student as he climbed over you and let himself out of the room.

You took this time as an opportunity to use the bathroom and peek into Mark’s room as you made your way back. You were surprised to see there was no one in the room and nearly jumped when an arm wrapped around your waist from the back. “Are we spying on Mark?” Yuta whispered into your ear.

Scoffing, you answer “he’s not even in there, you idiot.”

“Huh, I wonder where he went,” Yuta contemplated, “might as well grab the guitars while we’re here.” He handed you the glass of water and pills he was carrying as he walked into Mark’s room and picked up the two guitars from their stands.

“What are we supposed to do without Mark?”

“Practice? What else are we supposed to do?” The man in front of you asked rhetorically.

You shook your head at him, not liking the sound of his idea. “We won’t know if we’re doing anything right, we’re literally both beginners.”

“That doesn’t mean we can’t help each other.” Yuta countered.

“Ugh, whatever, you’re so irritating.” And with that, you down the pills and turn to walk back to his room.

Playing guitar with Yuta wasn’t actually all that terrible. He knew more than he let on during your shared sessions with Mark and he offered you some tips every so often as he led both of you through the chord progression sheet. The whole scene of it was quite surreal, the way you and Yuta were both simply clothed in plain t-shirts, hair still roused from sleep, the way the sun gently lit the room and warmed it up.

You were genuinely enjoying yourself and didn’t even notice when Mark came into the room. “You guys started without me?” He whined cutely.

Yuta looked at you and you gestured at him to respond. “Y/n went to go spy on you in your room but you weren’t there so we decided to steal the guitars and have fun on our own.” You shot Yuta a look, hoping he understood the ‘I will strangle you’ glare you were giving him.

“Wow y/n, why were you spying on me man?” Mark asked dejectedly.

“I was just checking to see if your girl was still with you because I didn’t want to barge in on anything, again.” You tease.

Mark groans and covers his face out of embarrassment. “Oh gosh, don’t remind me.”

“Wait, wait, you saw Mark naked?” Yuta questioned with his eyes wide. “He has a big butt doesn’t he?” He added, smirking, at which both you and Mark yell at him to shut up. “Just saying facts.” He claims, raising his hands up in defense.

“Anyways,” Mark said a little too aggressively, “are you guys doing okay on your own? Or did you want me to join?”

Again, Yuta turned to you for a response, though this time you really hated yourself for what you answered with. “No, I think we’re fine, thanks though.”

“Better go wash your sheets bro, you were wild last night.” Yuta called out as Mark left the room.

“Dude,” Mark exclaimed, “don’t ever say that again, please bro.” And just like that, I was only you and Yuta again.

“Speaking of parties,” Yuta began, “we’re thinking of holding another one in March before spring break. Wanna come?”

“I can’t believe you guys are already planning another one not even a whole day after getting drunk out of your mind.” You joke, the disbelief obvious in your expression.

“Hey, you have to let loose every once in a while,” he states, “but my offer still stands.”

You hum, faking getting lost in thought, “ask me again in a month and I’ll let you know.”

“I’ll take that as a yes,” you tilted your head to the side, the look on your face clearly ridiculing him, “for now.” He adds on.

You went back to looking over the chord progression sheet and tried again to go through the one you were on before Mark came in. You almost succeed this time until you place your fingers one fret away from where they were supposed to be. “Yikes” Yuta comments as he reaches out and shifts your hand over for you, causing you to stick your tongue out at him.

It seemed only reasonable that when the guys continued having parties every so often, that you were invited to every single one of them whether it be through Mark or Yuta, and the one time Johnny had hit you up not knowing your involvement with the frat already, or even when Taeil invited you though it was really because Mark needed help sorting out his relationship issues.

Everyone except you was surprised that Mark had found himself a girlfriend, especially one that wasn’t you. You were happy for him, even if it meant having to respond to his panicked texts at 2am asking what something meant in ‘girl language’ accompanied by numerous screenshots.

Mark often ended up leaving you and Yuta on your own on Sundays because that was the only day when both he and his girlfriend were free. You certainly didn’t mind spending more time with Yuta now that he stopped being such a cocky asshole all the time. Whatever absence Mark had left, Yuta was there to make up for it whether it be his lingering touches, shy kisses, and even the offering of his clothes to you when you accidentally ended up sleeping over again, though this time you voluntarily shared a bed with him.

Yuta was becoming a necessary presence in your life, though you didn’t mind. You didn’t mind it when he moved to sit next to you during class. You didn’t mind when he asked to work with you for the upcoming playing test. You didn’t mind when he found you during parties swept you away from the dance floor to take you elsewhere.

You especially didn’t mind when taking you elsewhere resulted in your current situation, your hands tangled in Yuta’s now orange-colored hair, as you lay under him while he kissed you breathless.

“You look so fucking hot, you had all of them staring at you.” Yuta growls out between kisses.

You bite his bottom lip, causing him to groan slightly. “Mmm, you like that though. You like it when I look like this.”

“Not when other men get to look at you the way I do.”

“And why is that?”

“Because you’re mine.”

The use of the word caused you to stop in your tracks, Yuta pulling back as your lips stopped moving against his. “What are we?” You ask him, your voice shaking.

“What do you mean?”

“Like, this relationship?” You say, gesturing between the two of you, “What is our relationship to each other?”

“We’re friends.”

“But are we just friends? Because I don’t think friends kiss each other like this.”

“They don’t, but that doesn’t mean we can’t.” Yuta interjected as he leaned in to reattach his lips to yours.

“No, Yuta, stop,” you declare, pulling away from him, “I told you I’m not someone you can just play around with. If you want to keep me as a friend, then that’s all we will be. No kissing, no flirting, none of that.”

“I’m not playing around with you-”

“Then why is it so hard for you to place a label on us?” You questioned him, unintentionally raising your voice ever so slightly.

He rolled off of you, throwing an arm up to cover his eyes as he let out a sigh of exasperation. “I...I don’t know.”

“We’re clearly more than just friends but if you’re not willing to commit to being something more, then I’ll leave it at that.”

“Y/n, I- fuck, I don’t know what I even want-”

“And that’s okay,” you interrupt, “I’ll just give you time to think then, but for now,” you pause as you stand up from his bed, “just friends.” And with that you let yourself out of his room and ventured back downstairs to the party without turning back, finding comfort in the common sight of Johnny manning the boards, Doyoung in the kitchen with the drinks, even down to Taeyong and Taeil drunkenly swaying with each other on the dance floor.

“Here, something sweet to get rid of that sour look on your face.” Doyoung joked as he slid a drink across the counter.

You let out a chuckle as you raised the glass to your lips. “That obvious huh?”

“It is when I know whose room you just came from and who you’ve been spending all your time with.” He was really too intelligent to be stuck with these idiots.

You could only sigh as you took a large swig of whatever it is Doyoung made for you, relishing in the burn it gave you as it went down your throat, wishing for the alcohol-induced pain to overtake the one in your mind caused by the one and only Nakamoto Yuta.

Needless to say, you and Yuta ended up changing songs for the playing test and performing alone. Yuta moved back to his previous seat in the front of the room, though you still felt the way his eyes practically pierced through you as you played your chosen song, which albeit, was on the easier side since you wanted to give yourself a break.

Unbeknownst to you, Yuta wished so badly to be the person you were singing about. “Can you focus on me? Baby can you focus on me?” You sang, and he mentally beat himself to the ground.

Yuta still wanted to give you the world more than anything but he didn’t trust himself to do so, not when he’s already hurt you more than he should have. He became so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice you finished playing until he heard the applause coming from your classmates.

You actually did end up going to their spring party, but it was due to a request made by Johnny as he told you about Mark’s current post-breakup state near the end of your English class together. “He’s pretty much been in his room all the time. Not like the normal kind where he just prefers to chill in his room, but like, the kind where he doesn’t even come down to eat with us and Taeil has to bring food up to him.”

“Did Mark say anything about the breakup? Like why or how it happened?” You questioned, not wanting to have to ask Mark himself in case it was still too sensitive a subject to talk about.

Johnny hummed in thought, cocking his head to the side. “He didn’t say much to me, but he told Taeil that she wasn’t looking for anything serious but he thought that she was.” Johnny paused to take a sip from the Starbucks cup on his desk. “In my opinion, he should’ve waited to get to know her instead of just fucking her and deciding to date her y’know? But, I mean, that’s on him, so as they say, not my problem.” He shrugged his shoulder before taking another sip of his drink.

“Literally who says that?” You joke, enjoying poking fun at the older guy.

Johnny turned to you, a mock look of offense plastered onto his face. “Y/n! You don’t know? The famous Johnny Suh says it all the time.” You rolled your eyes at him as you packed up your belongings, promising to be at the party later that night, not exactly fancying the thought of running into a certain someone at the party as well.

Mark’s fiery whirlwind of a romance had left him to become a mess of all sorts and you spent your time with him at the party in his bed, watching tik toks and animal video compilations to get his mind off of things. You felt a sense of relief as you heard one of his faint snores, realizing that he was asleep, allowing you to slip out of his room and head downstairs to grab a drink from Doyoung.

Right as you were about to head back up, you saw the all too familiar head of orange hair glowing under the dim lighting as he looked down across the party from the bottom of the staircase. He didn’t seem to notice you as you made your way towards him until a small “hey” left your lips.

His eyes darted over to your face, offering a simple nod of his head to you to  acknowledge your presence. You stood next to him, leaning against the wall until you broke the silence “how have you been?”

“Fine. You?”

“Pretty good I guess.” You could tell he didn’t want to talk to you, but you didn’t want to leave him, just feeling so drawn to him. Finding comfort in his presence, you closed your eyes and let your head fall against the wall as you lost yourself in the music that Johnny had going.

“I’ll get going, this party isn’t as exciting as normal.” Yuta stated as he turned to go back upstairs. Starting up the stairs after him, wanting to check in on Mark again, but when Yuta heard you following him, he turned around and called out to you. ”Don’t follow me, you’ll end up in my arms.” You froze as he turned back around and continued his way up while you processed his words, allowing him to escape from you yet again.

You watched from an outsider's perspective and through the narratives of the other guys as over the next few days, Yuta replaced Mark as the resident vegetable. He fell into the same state Mark was previously in, said boy having slowly come back to his senses with your constant nurturing and care.

Party after party, Yuta was no longer down on the dance floor with one hand holding a red solo cup, another around the waist of a girl he had just met. You wanted so badly to speak to him, but whenever you spotted him off to the edges of the crowd, he’d disappear seconds later like he knew you were watching him. As much as it was nice to have Mark back and go back to your normal best friend activities, Yuta had lodged himself in your heart without you knowing it.

Countless parties more and it was already nearing the end of spring semester. Yuta had stopped showing up to class, appearing once or twice a week, at most. Even at parties, he no longer came out of his room, according to Taeil. You had been meaning to talk to Yuta for a while now, but with finals looming right around the corner and his ability to hole himself up in his room, it was nearly impossible to find the time and place for it.

You were sick of worrying about him and if he was eating and sleeping okay, often finding yourself wondering what he was currently doing while you were studying or eating your own meals. You hated how often he occupied your mind. You truly wanted to believe that you were different to him, that someday he’d come around ready to commit to something but you ridiculed yourself for thinking that you’d have enough power to change someone as stubborn as Yuta. Little did you know, you were more than capable of doing so.

You had just entered the last week before finals and your school was generous enough to allot students a two day period to study before finals started. Of course, the frats and sororities took it as a last-ditch opportunity to party before their seniors graduated. You attended the party thrown to celebrate the graduating Taeil, Johnny, and Taeyong, but you were there for a different reason.

Throwing a quick greeting to Doyoung in the kitchen as you entered, he offered you a drink, which you told him to save for later before storming up the stairs. You were tired of all the hours you spent thinking about Yuta. If he wasn’t going to do anything about this, then you were whether it ended your friendship with him or not. You were done thinking about all the what-ifs, you wanted a definitive answer and you wanted it now.

Stopping in front of Yuta’s door, having enough manners to think about knocking before entering, you raised your hand to knock. Though before you were able to, you heard the music coming from inside. It didn’t take a genius to recognize that it was his voice singing the words. You froze with your hand against the door as you continued to listen to him. “Oh, how I love you. I just feel so lost without you.”

You opened his door slowly, knowing fully well that he wouldn’t be able to hear you knock over the loud noise coming from the party and his own blue-toned song. Both of you stood there in shock as your eyes met. Yuta was sitting on his bed with Taeil’s guitar in his lap and a notebook laid open next to him while you stood in the middle of his doorway, hand still on the knob.

Oh, how you missed the sight of him, even when he was dressed as simply as he was right now with just a grey t-shirt and black shorts sporting the logo of his favorite soccer team. “Yuta, we need to talk” you blurted out, stopping yourself from ogling him any further.

“Alright.” He complied, closing the notebook as you sat at the foot of his bed.

You take in a deep breath before starting. “I’m pretty sure you know this already, but I like you,” pausing to regather yourself and push through the rest of the speech you practiced in your head, “I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about you recently and I just want to settle this whole thing once and for all.”

Yuta nodded while picking at his fingers which you could see were now raw from playing the guitar so much, making you wonder just how often he was on it. “I’ve been thinking about you too...a lot,” he said as he looked up at you, “and I think I have an answer for you.”

You plant your hand down next to you on his bed, resting your weight on it and letting your head loll to the side as you raise an eyebrow at him asking him to continue. “I like you too, and I know the way I’ve been acting doesn’t really show that but I’m just scared.”

“Of what?”

“Of getting hurt again.” Yuta said, letting his head rest in his hands.

“Yuta, you know I would never cheat on you.”

“That’s what she told me too, but people can be deceiving.”

“Look, I’m not her,” you pointed out to him, “and I’m telling you right now that I would not even think about cheating on you.”

“Yeah, well, things can change.” Yuta let out exasperatedly.

“So you should change with them. You’re not going to grow unless you accept those changes.”

He went silent for a bit before looking up at you. “Teach me how to accept them, then.”

“What do you mean by that?” You ask him, your eyes meeting his.

“Show me that you’re different. Prove to me that not all change is bad.”

You moved closer to him as he spoke, swinging a leg over his lap and straddling him. “I will.”

Yuta’s eyes fluttered shut and you felt as he shakily exhaled before he reopened his eyes. “Can I kiss you?”

You nodded, and this time it was your eyes that closed as Yuta connected his lips to yours. Within a few seconds, you felt his tongue brush against your bottom lip, asking for entrance, which you allowed and gave him a sense of dominance before letting your tongue dance with his while gently pushing him down onto the bed.

He whined as he broke the kiss and rolled both of you over, switching your positions, preferring to smother your body with his, making you giggle at his actions. “Thank you for asking this time.” You told him, referencing the first time he had kissed you.

“I was drunk, okay? I wasn’t thinking straight and I just wanted to kiss you so badly.” Yuta groaned, grinding his growing erection on your hip at the last part.

“Oh you wanna kiss me so bad huh?” You teased.

You could’ve sworn he let out a growl right then before responding “fuck yeah I do” and reconnecting your lips to his. After fighting your tongue yet again, he pulled away and slowly opened his now lust-filled eyes. “Are you sure you want this?”

“Yes,” you let out breathlessly, “I want it.”

“Who do you want?” He questioned as he slipped his hands under your shirt, gently kneading your breasts while kissing along your jaw and down your neck.

“You.”

“Baby, say my name.”

“Yuta, I want you.”

“Fuck, I love it when you say my name.” He said as he pulled his shirt off, throwing it down to the floor as you sat up and did the same.

The second your shirt was off, Yuta’s hands were already undoing the clasp of your bra, tossing it to the side as well before pushing you back down and running his hands over your breasts. His mouth latched onto one of your nipples as his hand played with the other.

You let out a whine as he pushed his erection against your clit, making you feel your own arousal that had started leaking out onto your underwear. Yuta glanced up at you, smirking, as he heard the sound you made. “Someone’s getting needy.” He kissed his way down your abdomen, sitting back once he reached the waistband of your pants, pulling them off along with your underwear.

He groaned as he took in all of your naked beauty, telling you “you’re so fucking hot” as he spread your legs and brought his face down to your folds and licking a long strip upwards. He repeated this motion a few times before you let out a frustrated moan at his teasing.

Yuta laughed at your desperation until your hand wove it’s way into his hair and pushed him closer to where you wanted him most. He seemed to get the message as he dove in, allowing you to get lost in the feeling of his tongue swirling around and pressing at your entrance.

You weren’t expecting it when you suddenly felt him pressing a finger into you, though you enjoyed the sensation of it and raised your hips to feel more, only to be met with Yuta’s free hand coming down on your stomach, holding you down. He waited for you to relax before inserting a second digit, then a third as he started to speed up and finger fuck you open.

He was reaching places inside of you that you had never reached before but you still wanted more. “Yuta,” you breathed out, “just fuck me already.”

“Well when you say it like that, there’s no way I can resist” he said, a sly smile creeping onto his face as he sat up, his erection bobbing as he tugged off his ripped jeans, freeing it from its confines.

“Condom” you tell him.

“Oh, you’re one of those girls,” he snickered, earning him a smack on the arm from you, “I’m just kidding, jeez, I don’t want to have to be responsible for a child just yet.” He defended as he reached over and stuck his hand into one of the drawers of his nightstand.

“I’m not risking getting pregnant when I can barely pay my tuition.” You quipped back at him.

“Fair enough.” Yuta remarked as he ripped open the package and rolled the condom over his already leaking cock.

He crawled over you, his elbows coming to rest next to either side of your head. “Are you sure you want this?” He asked as he lined himself up with your entrance.

“Are you sure want this?” You countered to him, both of you knowing fully well what you meant since once he went through with this, there was no turning back. Yuta was promising himself to you just as you had done to him.

You watched as his eyes found yours, “I want this, I want you, I want us.” With that he pushed himself into you, both of you letting out sinful moans as he bottomed out.

He barely gave you time to adjust before he started slowly rocking his hips as your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer while your hands found their way into his brightly colored locks. Just as he began to accelerate his movements, thrusting harder and faster, his door swung open.

Mark walked in casually, “hey, Yuta have you seen Taeil’s- holy shit i’m so sorry” he exclaimed once he realized the situation.

Yuta didn’t even pause as he told Mark “it’s on the floor.”

If you weren’t struggling to hold back your lewd sounds in the presence of your best friend, you would’ve laughed at how Mark snatched up the guitar and bolted out of the room, muttering “guess we’re even now, y/n” as he shut the door.

You let out a whimper as Yuta hit your spot the second the door closed. “Fuck, right there.”

He pushed himself into you a few more times before suddenly rolling over, bringing you to straddle him. “Ride me” he commanded, one of his hands coming to rub your clit. You began bouncing on his lap and clenched around him, drawing a moan from him. “I won’t last long if you keep doing that.”

“Good, I'm not going to either.” You informed him, already feeling the knot in your stomach begging to be released.

Your thighs were starting to become sore though you didn’t want to stop. Yuta noticed your change of pace, bringing both his hands up to your hips as he began thrusting up into you. You let out a cry as he managed to brush against your most sensitive areas, causing an orgasm to wash over you.

His movements slowly only for a bit as he let you take control, riding out your high before firmly grasping your hips again and bouncing you on himself, relishing in the feeling of your tight walls fluttering around him.

Staying true to his word, Yuta came shortly after you, filling the condom with his cum. He continued to push himself up into you until it became too much and he pulled out with a hiss. Yuta gently you down on his bed before getting up to dispose of the condom in the trash bin next to his nightstand.

You welcomed him with open arms as he climbed back into bed, his own arms wrapping around your waist as he began pressing light kisses across your collarbone as he broke the silence. “So does this make us a thing?”

“Depends on what you mean by that.” You tell him, wanting him to clearly voice his thoughts.

“Are we official?” He clarified.

“Only if you want us to be.”

Yuta smiled up at you. “y/n, Yuta’s girl, I like the sound of that.” You leaned down to press a kiss to his lips before he spoke again. “That song was about you, by the way”

“I figured that much.” You stated as you pushed his hair out of his face.

He giggled as he told you “I wrote it after jacking off to the thought of you.”

“Okay, you didn’t have to tell me that.” He let out a full laugh this time as he rolled both of you onto your sides and brought his forehead to rest against yours.

“Gosh, as if you weren’t clingy enough before this.” You joke, playfully kissing his nose.

“I’m all yours now.” Yuta cooed, his arms pulling your still naked body impossibly closer to his.

A/N - i do not condone or promote the behavior or fraternities or sororities, especially during COVID-19, read a bit about it here. i am simply writing about my own fantasy in my own ideal world. with that being said, please remember to wear your masks and stay safe out there. this one shot will be my first work with smut in it so i’m open to pretty much any and all feedback. special thank you to @neocitybynight​ for helping me work out some of the plot!

[pixiedoodlein]

I’m so fucking mad that a year and a half into this pandemic I am back to 11th hour debating another year of homeschool. The first stretch of homeschool, in NYC, when the toddler was a baby, and husband was home on unemployment, was good, nice even, a quiet piece of something good when the world outside was falling apart. The next stretch, the Oklahoma stretch, with a particularly climby toddler, husband working 10 hour days, me doing remote contract work, somewhere we had no family around to help w/ childcare, was challenging. I was not always my best self. Some days were delightful, muffins and math games. Other days I was more Miss Trunchbull than Miss Honey, fractions were squeezed in between crying (usually mine) and netflix (way too much of hers), and I held on to any shred of sanity by telling myself “just a little longer, just until the vaccines.”

Well here we are. Husband & I have been vaccinated for months, but the kids aren’t yet. The upstate NY town we moved to is a very small town (pop: 838), was mostly untouched by previous waves. When we got here, I couldn’t understand why everyone was so lax about it- no masks, no panic. Our first day here, when I came home from the market and saw through the window a gaggle of unmasked kids in my living room (the neighbors coming to welcome us, they heard a kid moved in) I almost had a heart attack. In fact, I was so tired from the drive from OKC that for a moment I actually thought I was at the wrong house, that I was hallucinating, because how in the world could there be unmasked bodies in my living room.

Then I started talking to people here. And I realized that the way I thought they were insane for not being deathly afraid of covid, they thought I was insane for being petrified. Because the disease hadn’t hit here; their businesses were destroyed and their kids were out of school (in a rural area with barely functional internet, remote school = a lost year) and their lives were totally fucked up, for a disease that never arrived at their doorstep. I came to understand why they weren’t worried, why here life looked (almost) normal. I told them about what it was like to live somewhere covid tore through, the freezer trucks of bodies on the FDR Drive and my previously healthy 27yld brother so sick with it the first spring he thought he was about to die (but too scared to go to a hospital), my dad’s relative in the next NYC wave on a vent for months and lucky to be alive but may never walk again, the doctors in OKC pleading on the news to please wear a fucking mask because the hospitals were fucking full, and the neighbors stopped thinking I was psycho when I carried extra masks for their kids, and made them put them on, when I took them to town for ice cream. I never stopped masking. But we did indoor dine here (once, BBQ, it wasn’t delicious enough for how anxious I felt) and I did bring all the kids, including my toddler, to a fairly crowded children’s museum in the big (small) city an hour away, where the rest of us were masked but the one with his hands in his mouth, who was all up in other kids’ faces, the one who really should be masked, wasn’t because he won’t leave it on for more than a minute.

Actually it’s a lie to say that I never stopped masking- I have dashed into little stores here, without one, because I’m vaxed! It’s safe here! Covid felt done. We had friends come here to visit this summer. Friends who are vaxed, but that doesn’t seem to really matter enough anymore. We had the neighbors over for meals, indoors (you see, more indoor dining! A minute ago I was just thinking restaurants, but why would plagues only spread in restaurants?). They had us for meals. The girls are a crew, new best friends, making my daughter’s life here so, so much happier, constant sleepovers (their kids were at our house this afternoon; my kid is at their house right now). The parents and grandparents are wonderful, making my life here, and husband’s life here, so much easier, so much better. We help them with stuff, they help us with stuff, there isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t see each other, unmasked. Some of the adults in their household are vaxed; some of the adults in their household are not. The kids are all too young to be vaxed. But it (living, doing shit again, seeing people again) really stopped feeling scary; it really felt like everything was fine, normal-ish, normal-er. The end of the pandemic felt in sight.

I signed my child up for school here. Real school, not mommy school, school with a school bus. She was a little anxious, I had to talk her into it, I sold it hard, I bought her whatever pair of new sneakers she wanted for her new school (she hasn’t had gym class in a year and a half; for a phase in Oklahoma she wore one boot and one sandal every day, why not). She wasn’t anxious about sneakers or covid; she was anxious that maybe she hadn’t learned enough in homeschool (I am not a teacher! I did not homeschool because I am good at it or love it or wanted to, I homeschooled because I was scared of her getting covid at school and dying), that she would be behind. She isn’t behind. I followed the real school curriculum as best I could (as in: sometimes totally and sometimes not at all), and somehow, when I gave her the standardized “real school” test “at the end of the year” (aka the day I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to focus on my work or I wasn’t going to have an income, the day I’d decided we’d done as much as we could and it was time to be done), she sailed through it, this kid is smart. Smart as in needs to be in actual real fucking school to stay smart and learn and reach her potential.

She got excited- one of the neighbor kids is in her grade. The other kid is older- but the school is small, she’d see her tons. She was excited; I was excited. I registered her for school. Her new teacher sent a nice note. We all were excited. She’s never taken the school bus before but the neighbors take it and she’d be fine on the bus with her besties, the bus would pick her up in front of their house since there’s nowhere to turn around up our hill (we are VERY rural), they’d all get on and off the bus together. She has been backpack shopping. We have been discussing what she’ll have for breakfast (honey nut Cheerios), what she wants me to pack for lunch (she says just Goldfish, I say turkey sandwich, we’re working on it).

But now, 18 days before school starts here, I am thisclose to pulling her out, to embarking on another lovely (not), gratifying (not) year of homeschool, because of covid, delta. When we got to our new home in our new tiny town in June, there was no covid here. Now, our county is listed by the CDC as a high transmission area (is there anywhere in the US that isn’t?). 80% of senior citizens here are vaxed; 50% of the total population is, well below the national average. 15 cases per 100,000, in a county of 100,000. I guess this is less rampant than our previous pandemic locales, NYC (currently 25/100K), OKC (49/100K). This is splitting hairs, everywhere is bad. This is what panic does to me: are we better or worse for every decision we’ve made in the past year and a half, every decision that got us here? There are fewer cases here but fewer people and fewer vaccinated people and fewer ICU beds. We aren’t safe even here, but at least we are happy (happy aside from fear of delta death).

I don’t know whether to send my kid to school in 18 days. There will be masks but masks aren’t enough (how many masks do I make her wear? two, ten, a thousand?). This choice feels crazy— in March 2020, when that covid was mostly sparing kids, I yanked her out of school. Now, this covid does hurt kids. How much longer, how many more years, can parents be in this position to make this nightmare choice? What will hurt her more: school or no school? There are vaccines, more than enough in America. We shouldn’t be having to make this choice.

As it is, because of toddler— not because of toddler, because of being a parent to children in a pandemic— my work life, and husband’s, will be severely impacted this year, again. I can’t send him to daycare because he’s too little to leave a mask on (he won’t even leave his pants on!) in a room full of other unmasked toddlers, whose families may or may not be vaxd, may or may not wear masks (there has been a noticeable increase in supermarket mask wearing since we got here, but still not enough, is any of it enough?), may or may not be going to parties and weddings and funerals, daycare providers who may or may not be doing all the same. This means I can only apply to remote jobs, so I can be home with him. Husband has some flexibility, more than he did in OKC, but god forbid he has to work while I have a work call or meeting or work due I didn’t manage to get done at 4am or 11pm when the house is quiet. He can’t bring toddler to work with him, his work is up on scaffold, stenciling ceilings. This will be another year of me muting myself on Zooms while toddler pulls his diaper off and hurls poop at the cat. Would it really be so much harder to also be trying to teach parts of speech to our daughter at the same time? Yes, it would, but I don’t know if I can send my kids back out into the world until they’re vaccinated. I am counting the days, holding my breath, until they can be.

I used to believe in personal choice. I don’t anymore. I want this shit to be mandated, I want the government to line us up and force mRNA into holdouts’ arms, I want it to be required, to be able to function in and interact with and benefit from society in any way, shape, or form. I have been very lucky in the pandemic. Privilege stacked on privilege on privilege, to be fussing over my Zooms in my hamlet. I had been pretty pandemic perky, baking my pies and playing with my pandemic pets and (thinking about) doing puzzles, but I’ve reached my breaking point. This shit could be done, but it’s not, and I’m scared it never will be.

[werewolf-cl4ws]

Random head cannons for my AU because these require oddly specific questions I don’t think I’ve ever seen ask memes have.

A lot of these I do have something to back them up with, but others it's just logical hilarity to me because I can.

Kitty!Sonic:

- absolutely mistrusts/gets annoyed by anyone that is an "authority figure" (i.e. adults "in charge", leaders, etc) but does nothing to actually be useful. As a kid he was always told to listen to the adults because "they know best", but after the coup and seeing a good number of adults doing everything in their power to just save their own hides or hiding, it fucked him right off. Only adults he’s ever respected were his uncle and Rosie (Rosie took some time to gain that trust though because why the hell is she teaching us maths when people need help???). Bookshire is another but he does fight Bookshire on occasion because Sonic hates fussing with medical stuff.

This carried on into his own adulthood, and it’s hilarious whenever someone points out he’s the adult now as it sets off his aversion to being older, but if he has to be called an adult then damnit he’s gonna be a USEFUL one at least.

And yes he has confirmed on many occasions that he can and will flip off King Acorn if he plays up. What's he gonna do, ground him? Arrest his for treason? He flipped off Robotnik, he ain't scared of no thing.

- his uncle was brilliant with robotics and mechanics and science. Sonic has literally zero idea about any of those. And yet he’s weirdly good at chemistry. But he doesn’t get a lot of opportunities to use this so no one knows this, but Rotor has come by chemistry formulas mysteriously solved if he leaves them out on his workbench after a night of wracking his brains over why something isn’t working. How does Sonic know this? Nobody knows, Sonic will never tell either, and will deny he’s even good at it.

- he’s also very good at physics, in that he knows exactly how to break physics to do impossible shit. He’s great at figuring out just what angles he needs to shoot himself into to get the most air time, how much speed and lift to land in the exact spot, etc. It all happens automatically to him (it has to, going at the speeds he does there’s literally no time to plan this shit) but if someone asks him he will actually figure it out in the spot with freakishly good accuracy, and can do it not just with him being the projectile but any object (he has worked out perfect catapult trajectories before and it still baffles everyone to this day). Again, he doesn’t know how he knows this, will never tell anyone he knows how to do this, and will deny he knows this.

- he’s also good with musical instruments. Obviously his favourite is the electric guitar, but if you give him a sheet of music and at least an hour to mess around with the instrument he’ll work it out. Getting to watch him play the violin is a rare but delightful treat. This is his special interest, the thing he would have gotten into if the world hadn’t gone to shit. He doesn’t get to indulge in it as much as he’s like but he loves music and could ramble about it for hours on end if given the chance.

The con of this though is that he's really good at identifying music, including ones from operas and orchestras. Sally takes great delight in making him identify both because he does get embarrassed about it, but his pride doesn't allow him to just not pick them out.

- he likes to cook, but he prefers recipes that allow him to leave things to cook without him needing to watch it once it’s prepared. So baking, roasting, slow cook stuff like soups and chili, that’s his jam. Anything that’s gonna be a long haul he has to be basically trapped in his hut to do it without wanting to go nuts (so extra cold days where being outside would be hell are good cooking days).

- during the summer he sleeps in a hammock. During the winter he sleeps in a bed and practically buries himself in blankets.

- loves bubblegum. Gum balls, sticks of gum, whatever. If it’s gum he loves it. Unfortunately it is non existent thanks to the coup (shelf life of gum is terrible) so finding any that’s not terrible is an amazing day.

- milk and cookies is oddly a comfort food to him. Something about the simplicity of it just works for him, and ridiculously shit days are made better by it. Default choc chip cookies work best.

- he hates spiders. More specifically, he hates when you see a spider, look away, then look back only to find the spider is gone. Spiders themselves don’t bother him until they do that, but once they do he has to fight himself to not just set whatever building or dwelling he happens to be on fire in order to solve the issue of having to deal with it later.

- he’s about .0001 seconds away from just walking away into the forest and never coming back. He won’t do it because he honestly doesn’t want to abandon his friends… but he’s so close to just becoming a cryptic in the forest. He has wandered off before when things get super annoying, but someone always drags him back, much to his endless frustration.

Sally:

- can’t cook for anything. Sonic has seen her burn water. Toast somehow always ends in fire. No one ever attempt to drink her coffee for your own sake.

And yet somehow she makes really, really good pancakes. Like ridiculously good. She makes them very rarely because she’s always busy with something and has been banned from all kitchens, but when she does they’re amazing and no one can figure out how this happens.

- if she’s snacking on nuts or anything that doesn’t go soggy (like hard/dry fruits, or extra crusty breads) she will sometimes keep some in her cheeks. Not to the point that her cheeks will be bulging with them, but if she’s working while snacking she will just stash some away so she can focus on what she’s doing, and then when she’s done just finishes those off. This only happens when she needs to focus so she’s pretty discreet about this and has perfected talking/quick chewing with them if someone interrupts her.

- she loves video games, but because they’re so hard to come by thanks to the coup she doesn’t get to play as often as she’d like. She knows Sonic, Tails and Rotor has some stashed away and has played them on the sly, which has left them wondering how their high scores got beaten or how new levels have been unlocked. Though she has to be careful about this because if she’s left alone with them long enough she will just play them until either she finishes the game, or someone physically drags her away from it. This is probably her only weak point in terms of something that can just pull her away entirely from everything.

- she is very, very neat… only because she literally doesn’t make a mess of anything thanks to her one-track mind. If she’s working on a plan or something that needs a lot of research she will basically just make a pathway to her desk and bed and leave everything else undisturbed. She will still shower, only because the shower is just another place for her to think without interruption. This is a big factor on why she can’t cook for shit, too. She just… doesn’t. At all. Because she’s gotta work. Work is life because they may literally die if she can’t figure plans out

- she is genuinely fascinated by legends and myths, which we see a lot of in SatAM. Although she does sometimes dismiss some legends or myths as just stories, if she finds anything that even hints at it being real, and if time allows it, she will chase it down. If it’s anything that might be especially useful in their fight she will go for it after doing a ton of research to make sure she’s got every angle and possibility down. The researching to that extent is due to her own perfectionism, but also because if the expedition turns out to be a bust it could mean time that should have been spent on something else/time being away from the village for a crapshoot.

Sonic and Sally as a couple:

- they don’t use pet names for one another… until one of them is absolutely pushing their luck with the other. Pet names = stop it.

- Sally did once call Sonic a shit-weasel out of anger during such a scenario, and then was immediately apologetic for it because that was Too Far™. Sonic said that made him fall in love with her all over again and it was an awesome insult. Pet names are still a no-go though.

- they live together and everyone thinks it’s Sonic that would be the nightmare to live with.

It’s not.

It’s Sally.

Sonic does get messy and likes to live in organised chaos, but Sally just has the worst sleeping habits (she doesn’t sleep), functions mostly on auto-pilot (the amount of times she eats the last of something but leaves the box it came in/was stored in for Sonic to find drives him up the wall something shocking all because she’s just vaguely thinking "I need food I suppose" alongside whatever she’s doing at the time), and if she’s working on something big she will spread herself everywhere (including Sonic’s bed if he isn’t in it or on it in some way).

Sonic won’t move out because he genuinely thinks if he did Sally would never sleep at proper hours or eat like a regular person unless he monitors her. Plus they actually really do like each other’s company and do miss one another if they aren’t in the same space in their down time. But Sonic is constantly amazed at just how much of a gremlin Sally can be and no one believes him.

- Sally takes great delight in this and amps up her gremlin behaviour because of it. If she does this in front of anyone else it just gets encouraged. It’s okay though because Sonic knows how to be a bastard so it’s a constant battle of who can out bastard or out gremlin who.

- they sleep separately (see aforementioned sleeping habits of gremlin ground squirrel), but on occasion will share a bed. Or share the couch. Sharing will almost always result in Sonic being used as a pillow/mattress but he’s fine with it, as long as it means Sally’s sleeping and they get to cuddle ‘cause cuddling is great.

- Sally loves puns. Sonic has begged her not to say puns. He secretly loves them but he hates that he gets them (temporarily forgetting your own language, then relearning it is a trip and picking up the puns does things to his head). Sally does not stop the puns. This has led to Sonic almost achieving his goal of becoming a forest cryptic as he does just start walking out when she starts.

- this is kinda canon but I like to joke that they are actually legally married and this happened during their zone-hopping adventures. But the marriage itself happened in the most mundane way for the most mundane reason, and yet it is legally binding and they do actually have wedding rings from it. They don’t wear the rings but they do carry it on their person at all times, and pull them out just to blindside people with them because it’s funny.

[ssa-babygirl]

Out of My League [Part 1]

Pairing: High school!Spencer Reid x Popular!Reader

Word count: 3.7k (god i don’t shut up do i)

Summary: Spencer begins tutoring you in chemistry, and the two of you bond (I would say no pun intended but fuck it that was GOOD so I’ll say pun intended)

Warning(s): Mentions of bullying, mental illness, some swearing, I made one joke about herpes??? sorry if thats a sore spot with anyone, light angst and pining, Reader POV

Author’s Note: Here it is, folks!! The first official part! I’ so grateful for all the feedback I got on the prologue, I’m glad y’all are liking it, I hope you like this part just as much!! Next part I’m gonna have some baby spencer, and by that I mean whole ass adult spencer that just looks baby

[Previous Part] [Series Masterlist]

You absolutely despised chemistry. It’s boring. It’s simultaneously stupid and ridiculously complicated. You weren’t dumb, you were a decent student in all your other classes, but science was never your strong suit. You preferred literature over litmus paper any day. Unfortunately, your failing grade was bringing down your entire GPA, just below the requirement for you to stay on the cheerleading squad. Your coach recommended you get a tutor, or else you were off the team. So you went to the library to see the peer tutoring program, and all of them were booked. The next best thing would be the kid genius in your class. He was probably a better first choice, honestly, but you figured he’d be booked with other students too.

He wasn’t like other kids in your class, not just because he actually cared and was a good student, he was also twelve years old. The kid was a prodigy. He was bullied a lot because of this because no one really understood him. That’s probably why he looked so terrified when you approached him after class one day.

“Hey, Spencer!”

His eyes grew wide as he stared back at you, saying nothing.

“I was just wondering if you were available for tutoring?”

“Oh, uh, um, y-yeah, in chemistry?”

“Yeah, what are your rates like? Like say we do an hour every other day, how much would that be?”

“Oh! N-no charge.”

“Really?”

“The first couple of sessions can be a trial run, I don’t want your money if you’re not benefiting from it.”

That made you smile, this kid was so nice and you just wished that people actually cared about that instead of the dumb shit they bullied him for. Sure, he was skinny and short and dorky and you know, a literal twelve-year-old boy, but if someone would take time to know him, they’d see he’s a good kid.

“That’s sweet of you, but I don’t wanna waste your time if you have other students.”

“I don’t, so that shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Great! Are you free after school today?”

He nodded and avoided all eye contact before scurrying out of the room to his next class.

~~~

You met up later in the library. You greeted each other politely with simple hi’s and hey’s and nothing more. Then it was time to pour over your books for an hour and try to force the puzzle pieces into place and hope something finally clicked. Balancing molecular equations physically hurt. Just when you thought you got it all right, Spencer reminded you that you still had to balance the oxygen, which was always bonded with something else, which threw off the whole equation. Every time you made a mistake you just let out a groan and set your head on the table.

“It’s a lot of math, a lot of people have a hard time with it, don’t feel bad.”

“I’m so fucking stupid.”

“You’re not! It’s an easy mistake.”

“You don’t make mistakes like that.”

“That’s because I’ve been taking advanced math classes for the past two years, I’m good at this stuff.”

“You’re good at everything, you're a literal genius.”

“There are people who aren’t geniuses who are good at this sort of thing, just look at Johnny Abrams in our class. He answers every question Mrs. Gustin asks and I once saw him put his backpack on his car’s roof and start driving ‘cuz he forgot it was there. He’s just been practicing. That’s why we’re here, right?”

He always reassured you. Always told you that you weren’t stupid. You weren’t dumb. He always smiled when you got questions right and told you you were doing a good job. When your hour was up, you said goodbye and went home. 

Spencer’s mini lectures aside, most of your sessions were sparse in the conversation department. The first time he went off on a side about some chemistry facts, you couldn’t keep up. You just sat there, jaw hanging while he went into detail about saponification, which wasn’t even in this lesson.

“Sorry, I’m rambling.”

“Did we learn that in class? Cuz if we did, I’m screwed.”

“No, not yet at least.”

“How do you just… know that?”

Spencer avoided your eyes once again, something he did more than spouting random facts, “I read a lot.”

That’s how it happened the first time. All it took was you asking one question about different types of reactions for him to launch into another spiel. You figured you’d have to know it at some point, so you started writing down whatever you could catch from his fast-paced speech, taking notes in bullet points.

“And that-- Oh. Y-You don’t need to do that, that’s not even on the curriculum.”

“Well, I gotta keep up with you somehow, right?” You glanced up from your page and flashed an almost challenging smirk as you saw him stifle a smile as he avoided all eye contact with you, as per usual. He then cleared his throat and got back to the actually assigned chapter.

The more he went off on tangents, the more he realized you weren’t stopping him. He was actually able to make chemistry sound interesting to you, which is strange, but it was easier to understand through how he explained it all. Something told you that he wasn’t used to having someone listen to what he said, because he just lit up when he talked about this stuff. He was clearly passionate about it, so why would you make him feel bad about it? He always apologized, but you always reassured him it was no big deal. 

You didn’t know it at the time, but the kid was falling hard. This pretty, older girl was paying attention to him and didn’t think he was annoying? The bar may have been on the floor for young Spencer, but you were perfect to him. Eventually, he was able to look you in the eyes when you spoke to one another, he even smiled at you when you joked with him. That was another thing: you joked with one another now. You both warmed up to one another as your sessions continued. You said hi to each other in the hallways, you ruffled his hair as a greeting, he accepted your high-five requests every time you got something right.

You still didn’t talk outside of class much, which is why he was caught so far off guard by you calling his name from across the cafeteria as you approached his table.

“Hey, dude! Is it cool if we squeeze in an extra session today? I got a test tomorrow.”

“Y-Yeah, no problem, but, uh, it’s Thursday. Don’t you have practice after school?”

You did. And you had to be there because you had a competition this weekend.

“Yeah, I was wondering if we could meet after?”

“When does it end?”

“Five.”

“Library closes at four.”

“I know, but would it be too much of a hassle if I just… Pick you up tonight and we head back to my house to study?”

You could physically see his brain shut down in his eyes. After he realized he needed to respond, he picked his jaw up off the floor and gulped hard.

“Or you can stay after and hang out at practice and I can just drive you home?”

“Y-Yeah, um, yeah, tha-that works, I can, uh, yeah, we can do that.”

Spencer brought his books and homework and tried his hardest to not make it obvious he was staring at you while you danced. You looked like you were having so much fun and he loved seeing you happy and smiling with your friends like that, it was hard for him to look away and focus long enough to read a sentence, which is saying something, considering it does not take him long to read a sentence. 

After practice wrapped up, you told him to go wait by your car while you changed out of your uniform. The girls in the locker room were talking just as loudly as always, only this time, it was about something you actually cared about hearing.

“I mean, really, what was that little creep doing watching us today?” You heard one girl sneer.

“So fucking gross, I don’t wanna know where his prepubescent head was.” Another girl laughed.

You had to step in. You had to say something.

“I’m his ride home. He’s my chemistry tutor and I have a test tomorrow, so back off the kid, he didn’t do shit to you anyway.”

The squad learned to watch their mouths around you after that.

~~~

The neon glow of the golden arches shone through your car’s windows as you pulled into the McDonald’s drive-thru line.

“This isn’t your house,” noted Spencer, sounding confused.

You grinned, “Oh, shit… no way! Wow! I’m so glad my tutor is a genius! I would have never guessed this was not my family home!”

He let himself laugh for a moment, “Okay, okay, fine. Why are we here?”

“Uh… to get food? Duh.”

“But what about your food at home?”

“My mom’s visiting my dad, he works in D.C., and I haven’t gotten a chance to go grocery shopping this week, so I can’t cook for you. What do you want?”

“You don’t have to get me anything.”

“No, I insist, it’s almost dinner time. Lemme get you something. As a thank you for squeezing in an extra cramming sesh?”

“It’s fine! Really.”

“Hey, Reid, come on,” you attempt to stifle a stupid giggle as you gesture to the rather large window displaying the playroom inside, “you are a guest in my home!”

Spencer shakes his head and chuckles, but doesn’t dare let you think he found you funny, “I’ll have chicken nuggets.”

“Happy meal?”

He tried to look offended at your clarification, but he quickly dropped the facade, “Yes. Extra fries, please.”

“Of course, buddy.” You pulled up further to the ordering station, catching a glimpse at the menu and the ads they had displayed on it, “Oh no way! They have Strawberry Shortcake toys! I used to collect those when I was a kid!”

Spencer saw the look on your face and couldn’t help but smile at your childlike excitement, “Do you want my happy meal toy?”

You bit your lip and hesitated before throwing all shame to the wind and saying yes. Because it was Spencer. He got excited over chemistry, he had no right to judge you on your old Strawberry Shortcake doll collection.

After you got your food, you drove back to your house, and you ate together at your kitchen island while Spencer quizzed you on the last chapter. He had asked you eighteen questions so far, and you had answered all of them correctly. 

“Okay, this last one is for the Strawberry Shortcake--”

“Her name is Orange Blossom.”

“Whatever, this last one is for the Orange Blossom toy: Which type of reaction is represented by this equation?” He showed you his notebook where he had written a molecular equation.

“Substitution.”

“Correct! Now balance it.”

Your shoulders slouched as the pride drained from your body.

“Please don’t make me.”

“This is going to be on the test, Y/N, you have to know it.”

“What’s one wrong question, really?”

“You and I both know she’s not going to put just one balancing question on the test.”

“Fine.” You grumbled, grabbing a pencil and sliding his notebook closer to you. You worked it out after a few minutes, but everything looked right, and judging by Spencer’s proud grin, everything was.

He reached for the figurine, still in the plastic bag, and handed it to you, “You’re gonna do great tomorrow, Y/N.”

You took Orange Blossom from his hands and danced around the kitchen with it, overwhelmed with the sudden feeling of confidence you gained from nailing this practice session. You heard Spencer’s small laugh from behind you, causing you to turn around and face the boy as he lovingly mocked you.

Studying at your place became a regular thing after that, even when your mom was home. She loved him. She always invited him for dinner if she was home. He rarely took her up on the offer, but it was nice having him around the house with you. Study sessions turned into just plain hanging out. You spent more time bonding over Doctor Who than chemistry some nights, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

~~~

When Alexa Lisben invited him to meet her at the football field you were skeptical. You had good reason to be. She was never very nice to you or Spencer. You were able to be civil with her for the sake of the cheerleading squad, but something about her just didn’t sit right with you. You tried to warn him, but he wouldn’t listen. He seemed offended at the notion that Alexa would do something horrible to him. How dare you imply that the only reason someone would be interested in him would be to pull a fucked up prank?

“I’m not like you, Y/N, I don’t have a line of people waiting around for a date, no one’s ever had a crush on me before, and-and now that someone other than you is being nice to me, you’re telling me that they have some sort of ulterior motive?”

“Spencer. I know these girls, I’ve seen the guys they go for--”

“And I’m not like them?”

“No! You’re a sweet kid, you’re nothing like those guys and they’re gonna take advantage of that.”

“I really wish everyone would stop saying I’m just a kid!”

“You’re not! That came out wrong--”

“Listen, Y/N, I’m going whether you want me to or not, so if you really want to keep babying me, by all means, stay after and wait with me.”

“I don’t wanna baby you!”

“So stop it!”

You didn’t want to fight with him anymore, you weren’t his mother. “Ok, Spencer, fine. I’m sorry. You should go. How about you meet me in the library after and you can tell me all about it over McDonald’s? My treat.”

He warmed up and agreed.

So you waited in the library until four, and then you started to get worried. You went to grab something from your gym locker before you left to look for him and heard some girls from the squad gossiping about “the little dork.” Your blood started to boil as you heard the way they talked about Spencer. Your jaw only clenched harder as you recognized one of the girls’ voices as Alexa Lisben’s.

You poked your head around the lockers that divided the aisles and tried to manage a calm voice, “Hey Alexa? Spencer actually said he was meeting up with you today, do you know where he is?”

She just laughed and said, “I can’t believe you actually care about that loser.”

“He’s my friend.” All attempts to remain level-headed were tossed aside, “Where the fuck is he, what did you do to him?”

You could feel yourself starting to cry. It’s your fault, you weren’t there, you tried to warn him, but now you don’t know where he is or what he’s thinking or--

“Check the field.”

You sprinted out to the football field and saw him stripped down to his briefs, blindfolded, and tied to a goal post. You could kill Alexa. You actually considered turning right around and unleashing hell on that locker room, but your friend needed help. He was crying so hard he didn’t hear you coming until you called his name. You immediately went to untie him and grab his clothes from the fence beside him.

“You were right.” He sniffled, “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, I’m not mad, I’m sorry, I should have been there, I could have helped you--”

“No, you couldn’t. There were too many people.”

“How many were there? Who did this?”

“Y/N, please--”

“No, Spencer, tell me what happened.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it!”

You know when to stop, so you just shut your mouth while he got dressed, “Get in the car, I’m taking you home.”

You didn’t say a word to him as he buckled his seatbelt and you could tell he appreciated it. You just drove to McDonald’s and got him his usual. You parked in the parking lot and ate your food in almost silence, save for the radio in the background.

“You don’t have to tell me what exactly happened, you could pretend none of this ever happened, I won’t mind, it’s okay, but I just need you to know, Spencer, say the word and she’s dead. I have so much dirt on her, you have no idea, I can destroy her.”

“Don’t.”

“Okay, I won’t. At least give me names. I will personally make sure none of those boys ever get a date again.”

“Y/N, please.”

“I’m serious, I’ll tell everyone they have herpes.”

“I know you are and that’s what scares me, please don’t, I don’t wanna make things worse.”

You decide to drop it because if he doesn’t wanna talk about it, he needs a distraction.

After you finish your food, you ask him “Your house or mine?”

“Yours. Please.”

You drove back to your house and got yourselves set up on the couch in front of the TV, turning on an episode of Doctor Who that you had recorded. You made him popcorn as he curled up on your couch, clutching a pillow. You were mostly quiet for the rest of the night, but when you did talk, it was to ask him a question about the show or if any of the science was accurate. It was the best you could do to keep him mind off things. Eventually, he fell asleep and you felt too bad to wake him. He got up by himself around midnight, jolting awake as if from a nightmare, and considering how the last few hours had been for him, it probably was one.

“Hey, bud, I’m here, it’s me.” You didn’t touch him, knowing he got overstimulated sometimes when he got really stressed, but he felt around for you on the couch next to him, needing to know you were really there this time. You patted his hand when it reached across the cushion for you.

“What time is it?”

“Way too late for you to be here, let’s get you home.”

He nodded, slowly rising to his feet and looking for his backpack, which you reminded him he had left in the car. Your hand hovered above his head for a moment before he lazily drifted into you as he walked. You took this as an okay to touch him, so you ruffled his hair before loosely slinging an arm around his shoulders as you guided him to your car.

The drive back to Spencer’s wasn’t too long, thankfully, because you were sure his parents would be furious with him and the kid’s been through enough today. You wanted to take all the heat without making them think you kidnapped him. The lights were still on when you pulled into the driveway. They were probably worried sick about him.

When you knocked on the door, a frantic woman with short blonde hair opened it. When she saw Spencer, she grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him into the house, never breaking eye contact with you.

“Who are you? What are you doing with my son?”

“He didn’t do anything wrong, Mrs. Reid. I’m Y/N, he’s been tutoring me.”

“How do you know me? Spencer, what did you tell her?” She looked at him and back at you, “Get off my property and stay away from us!”

“Mom, she’s a fr--”

“Go up to your room, don’t come out.” She didn’t sound like an angry parent reprimanding her son, she sounded almost... scared.

A million alarms were going off in your head, and you needed to try to get through to her, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, he was helping me study and we lost track of time, it’s not his fault.”

“I don’t care, I don’t know you, get off my property!”

You decided it was best not to argue, so you hurried back to your car and drove home as quickly as possible so you could shower and go to bed and pray that Spencer would be okay tonight.

~~~

Your phone rang early the next morning. You rolled out of bed to answer it, sprinting to the hall table to take it off the stand. Checking the caller ID, you realized it was from a number you didn’t recognize. Answering it, you heard Spencer’s voice on the other side.

“Hello, this is Spencer, is Y/N home?”

“Yes, you woke me up on a Saturday morning, where else am I gonna be, kid?” Your voice was scratchy as you struggled to fight off the sleep still clawing at your throat.

“Sorry about that. I was just calling to apologize for last night.”

“No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get you in trouble.”

“N-No, I’m not in trouble, I just wanted to explain why my mother was all--”

“She was worried, I get it.”

“N- she… My mother is a paranoid schizophrenic, she doesn’t do well with strangers. She doesn’t even remember what she said to you last night, she was having one of her episodes. She was just confused.”

You didn’t know how to respond. You were so shocked by his sudden revelations, you just stayed silent. You didn’t want him to think he scared you, so you had to say something. And apparently, that something was “Oh.”

“She wanted to apologize, but she’s just a bit embarrassed, so I called for her.”

“N-No, it’s okay, I…” It was suddenly so hard to say you understood because while it made sense to you, you wouldn’t fully understand what he or his mom was going through, you didn’t understand it, but Spencer didn’t seem to mind. He was just glad it didn’t bother you. After the events of yesterday, he couldn’t afford to lose you.

“Tell her I’m sorry I scared her.”

“Will do. She said you could come over so she could apologize personally and meet her if you want.”

“I’d love to. And Spence?”

You felt him take pause. You never called him that before, “Yeah?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t wanna scare you.”

“You wouldn’t scare me, dude, you can tell me anything.”

“Really?”

“I promise. I’ll see you Monday?”

Spencer nodded, but you couldn’t see him, so he spoke up through the lump in his throat, “See you Monday.”

Taglist ~~~~~~

(Lmk if you wanna be added!!)

@lawnmoa @ellvswriting @reidsmyhusband-emilysmymistress @baby-pogue @rottenearly

[7wanderingpaws]

Captain Bucheon 02

Pairing: Baekhyun x reader (Lee Nari)

Genre: policeman AU; enemies to lovers AU

Warnings:  langauge, mentions of drugs

story masterlist masterlist

<-- first -- next -->

tags: @wooya1224 (if you want to be un/tagged let me know! I forgot to ask last time lol)

.

Second: Fears and Desires

Rushing out of the building, you made a quick run for the closest bus stop, trying to supress every urge to look back in case someone could be following you. With their identity being unknown and the box being successfully delivered on your behalf meant huge trouble for you and it left you incredibly nervous to stay in the same place as that anonymous. For whatever reason someone decided to deliver the box. Who could it be?

With your heart racing all the way in your throat, you thought that this situation would be the worst. Turning a sharp corner that led to the main road, you collided harshly with a sturdy chest, the person's arms flying out to catch your falling figure. Hands slid around your waist and steadied you up carefully.

Realizing your eyes were squeezed shut, you opened your eyes to be met with familiar ones. You slowly died inside.

“Careful,” he murmured as he took in your scared expression.

Stepping away from him, you tried to brush off the feeling of pining. You'd been working way too hard to avoid him for you to meet him exactly when you were running away red-handed. “What are you doing here?”

He shook his head gently as his gaze slowly took in your features. It made you shudder. “My workplace is not far away, remember?”

Gulping, you nodded, letting out a breathy snort as you looked down on the pavement. “Right. Silly of me to ask.”

“Are you okay?”

“I missed you,” you blurted at the same time and looked up at him. “Oppa.”

Baekhyun was frozen just for a moment before he stepped closer to you with the gentlest of smiles. Slowly, he reached up with his hand and cradled your cheek. “I missed you too, pretty.”

Pretty. Ah, how you missed that nickname.

“Then kiss me,” you let out boldly and you expected him to be surprised or even scold you for being so demanding but he surprised you.

“Oh, yeah,” he murmured, leaning in. “I will, now that you're finally here.” You helped him out by standing on your tip-toes while you let your arms circle around his neck, and his hands slid back to your waist. His lips touched yours gently, carefully, before you hummed and pushed yourself more into him, urging him to deepen the kiss.

He growled when he felt your chest press up to his and his grip tightened while one of his hands came up to your neck, tilting your head so he could have better access. With a simple lick of his tongue, he was inside and you were whimpering, gasping, panting. So, so needy for him. You groaned, feeling the strong attraction you both shared. It seemed that no matter how much you hated him, it was always present. You would always be bewitched by Byun Baekhyun.

He was still hungrily claiming your lips when he reached up for your arms and brought them down until he had your hands in his. He fumbled with them for a while and you smiled, expecting him to intertwine your hands. Just the feeling of his smooth hands on yours made the butterflies in your tummy flutter their wings.

Then you heard a click.

Baekhyun kissed you one last time, his lips puckering, before slowly leaning back and taking in your scared eyes when you felt cold metal around your wrists.

“Lee Nari,” he breathed, the puffs of hot air on your wet lips, “I arrest you for illegal drug distribution.”

><

Gasping loudly, you sat straight up in your bed, the aftermath of your nightmare still present and fresh in front of your eyes while you tried to shake off the dread and the terrible pull in your lower tummy. Why the hell were you sexually frustrated when he arrested you again?

“What is it?” you heard from beside you, a confused and sleepy Yuyeon. “Nari? Are you okay?” she was next to you within a second, the early morning sun lighting up the room softly through the light curtains. She saw you touching your lips while tears were rolling down your cheeks. “Goodness, was the dream that bad?” she asked again carefully and sat on your bed.

You whimpered, still shocked, and reached out for your best friend, wrapping your arms around her to get a feel of reality. “Just… it was ridiculous. So ridiculous, Yuyeonah,” you muttered, sniffing, flashes of Baekhyun's face ever-present and lively. That was certainly not how you imagined the first meeting with him to go. 

“It was just a bad dream,” consoled Yuyeon gently, rubbing your back in circles. “None if it is real, Nari.”

You nodded and pressed your lips together. 

Just a bad dream.

><

“Are you okay?” Someone muttered to your ear, successfully scaring the living daylights out of you.

You heard that sentence in your dream.

Turning around abruptly with wide eyes, you spot Chul who was smiling at you cheekily.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. You just look a little absent-minded,” he explained, scratching his neck as he looked at the ground.

You sighed. “I’m fine. But thanks for worrying.”

He nodded and wanted to say something before hesitating. You raised a questioning eyebrow, silently asking him what was up.

“Was everything fine after I left?”

Oh. You completely forgot to let him know the mission was successful since you were so freaked out by the unexplainable events. “Yes!” you squeaked. “It went perfectly!”

“Great! I received the confirmation text but you never followed up with an update.” He laughed. “Then we can focus on your run in the festival!”

You groaned and started stomping towards your classroom. “I really, really like REALLY don’t wanna do it.”

He followed you, snickering. “You’re our ace, Nari.” He hugged your shoulders with his arm and pressed you to his side. “If you won’t attend, nobody will come and watch!”

Puffing your hair out of your face, you silently fumed. “I already said okay to the darn MCing with that bitc- singer.”

“Were you just about to call her a bitch?” asked Chul, shocked as he maneuvered you through the crowded corridors. Students were giving you looks, some whispering when they spotted Chul, the famous boy.

“Ah, no, not at all,” you grumbled, not bothering to hide your sarcasm.

Chul chuckled and you stopped in front of your class. “You can be so feisty. Either way, bring this spirit to the running track. We are starting from today!”

“But-but I want to go out to the bar-“

Chul clicked his tongue. “I will gladly take you to a bar if you come to the practice.”

Not even stopping to think it over, you quickly complied: “You’ll buy me a drink, right? Oppa?” you added with a mischievous glint in your eyes.

He observed you for a moment, an amused smile splayed on his face. “Sure, Nari. A drink it is.”

“Deal!”

><

“Faster, Lee!” shouted coach Lim when you finished the second round, heaving loudly like a horse. “If you want to win an award for us you will have to do better than that!”

With bitter realization, you noticed how he reminded you of your beloved math teacher back in high school. Unfortunately, you weren’t that good at sports but you were still better than math.

“Okay, got it,” you exhaled harshly, coming to a full stop.

You saw the sun already setting, the cold air turning your hot breaths into condensation. You could practically feel your nose turning red.

“Hey, Rudolf!” Chul.

You snapped your head at him, glaring. “Do not mock me. You’ve dragged me into this yet you seem very unaffected.”

He laughed, walking over to you. “You already forgot why I am the president of the student council?” He quirked an eyebrow at you. “I’m good at everything.”

You rolled your eyes. “Okay then you win the award for us.”

“Nuh-uh. It’s gotta be you,” he winked at you.

Too tired to bother fighting with him, you quickly went to change into your clothes, deciding you would take a shower once you got back from the smelly bar. Surely you stinking wouldn’t bother people too much. Plus, it wasn’t like you were trying to impress Chul anyway.

Meeting the senior outside, you headed for the closest bar, bickering on the way. Once inside he bought you a drink just as promised and you were fast to gulp down half of the cocktail.

“So, I’ve been wanting to discuss some matters with you,” started Chul, looking at you in amusement when you took another big gulp. “Just some other stuff that has to be taken care of about the festival.”

You whined and leaned your forehead into your palm. “Why now? We should do that at the student council.”

“You’re my right hand, Lee,” reasoned smoothly Chul and took a sip of his beer. The frothy foam left a small white mustache and it made you giggle. You motioned for him to get rid of it and he quickly licked it off. “Anyway,” he started with a laugh, “you’ll take care of the security team of the festival. Make sure to book the bodyguards and police guards around. We will have famous artists there so security should be our number one priority at all costs.”

You hummed, faking thinking. You ignored your rapid heartbeat at the mention of police, some flashbacks of your dream quickly chasing you down. Nodding, you hid your face behind the cup as you took another sip and looked around the place as if expecting to see the familiar face in the crowd just like you did on the night you met him.

“I kind of want to pass on this one,” you finally replied as you put down your glass.

“Why is that?”

Sighing, you pursed your lips not wanting to elaborate on your actual thinking pattern. “Just feels weird to talk to the police and blah blah blah,” you rolled your eyes. “I’m already doing so much for the festival, Chul, don’t you think?”

Chul observed you for a moment. “I’m sorry. I feel like a total jerk for always throwing all the responsibilities at you but I really am only giving you those tasks that require the most able person.”

“Oh.” You didn’t think about that. After all, Chul was right. You were kind of like a right hand to him, doing a lot of jobs in the behind the scenes whenever there were events happening at the school.

“And I heard that you might have connections at the police so I thought we could use that to our advantage,” he continued, hesitating when he noticed your sour expression. “Am I wrong?”

Your slight scowl turned into a frown. “Who the hell told you that?”

He blinked a couple of times. “Well, she told me it’s a secret so…”

“Chul?”

“Yeah,” he looked at your hard expression, prompting him to answer you. You swore you would kill Oh Sehun, you were sure it was him.

“Yuyeon. It was Yuyeon.”

Your mouth opened in shock. You thought you heard wrong. “What? What did she tell you though?” And why would Yuyeon talk to a person she didn't like? You knew her well and she voiced, or at least showed, how she didn't like Chul. In her opinion, he was too friendly with everyone.

Chul laughed unsurely, a little perplexed at the change of your behavior. “Nothing! I mean... she mentioned a boyfriend-“

“I never had a boyfriend at the police station,” you declared quickly. “I hardly know anyone there so I don’t think I can help you in this matter.”

Chul nodded, immediately complying while his hands played with the cup in his hands. “Right, sorry. Maybe I’ve heard wrong. You’d be too young to date a police officer anyway.” He took note of your sudden unreadable expression and when you didn’t reply, he added: “Then I don’t see a problem why you can’t take care of the matters! Since you don’t have a boyfriend at the station.”

You sucked your lips in, mulling over his words. It wouldn’t hurt if you’d ask for favors from Yuyeon or Sehun, right? They could call in with your name and that way you wouldn’t have to worry about the possibility of accidentally talking to Byun Baekhyun. Either way, it was hard to win an exclusive chat with the big captain himself, so eventually, you didn’t see that much of a problem with it. And, it was a must that nobody could find out about any kind of connection with him. People would know you were underaged or could think you were too easy and had a beneficial relationship with him. That could totally ruin your image — because you didn’t care about his for sure!

“Okay,” you agreed with a timid nod, avoiding Chul’s eyes. “I’ll do it.” Managing to fake a strained smile you finally looked up to catch him studying you.

“If it makes you uncomfortable—“

“No, it’s absolutely fine,” you chirped in and threw the remaining cocktail into your mouth. If you pretended it was hard alcohol maybe you could slowly start swimming in nothingness and forget about him.

It was unfair that he’d been chasing you in your dream. It felt so real. Even the kissing was so believable it made chills run down your spine. “I’m gonna order another one,” you decided, already standing up. “I need it.”

Chul nodded slowly, hesitantly, and shook his head when you asked him whether he wanted another one.

Walking over to the busy bar, you caught the waiter and ordered yourself another cocktail when a tall figure appeared next to you.

“Is this your fourth already?” He asked nonchalantly, looking around. He was one head taller than you so it wasn’t like you were obscuring his view. “Jez, woman, when was the last time you took a shower?”

Rolling your eyes, you waved your hand to finally bring his attention to you. “You don't even pay attention to me but dare to comment on my hygiene.” You clicked your tongue disappointedly. “I’m right here, Sehun, and no it isn’t my fourth. But I’m getting there,” you rumbled and tapped your fingers impatiently on the worn-down surface of the wooden bar table.

“Why are you here with Chul?”

“Cause you didn’t ask me to hang out,” you pouted and innocently blinked a few times.

Sehun elbowed you gently. “I was meeting someone else today. And anyways, you’ve been always busy during a weekday - you don’t have work tonight, right?”

Making a grimace at the mention of your work, you turned back to the barista, watching him mix your cocktail. “No, tonight I’m free. And I had my first training, Sehun. I will die if I have to continue preparing for that damn race,” you whined, turning abruptly to him.

“I’ll help you with the training. I promise I’m more fun than coach Lim! I hear he is rather hot-headed,” he said with a glint in his eyes. “You know I won’t scold you.”

You frowned like a kid. “Run the race for me then.”

Sehun sighed and when the barista brought you your cocktail he quickly ordered two whiskeys.

Your eyebrows shot up to your hairline. “You’re going hard tonight.” Immediately you took a sip of your drink and felt an instant relief. While still playing with the straw, you looked up at your friend. “Who’re you here with anyway?”

Sehun gave you a look. “Uh, just a friend.” He shrugged. He was thankful for the crowded bar tonight. “We are just catching up.”

“Great!” You smiled brightly and put your cocktail down. “Do I know him? Or her?” you winked.

“Eh—“ Sehun hesitated and his eyes fell on someone behind you, following the person with his eyes for a moment. He then quickly took your cocktail and pushed it into your hand. “Nari, you shouldn’t have Chul wait for you. I’ll see you at school.”

You pouted, frowning. “Yah, are you trying to get rid of me?!”

“No, I'm really not but just go. I’m doing you a favor here.”

You were about to scoff and retort to him something ugly for daring to kick you out like that, when another figure appeared next to Sehun. “I have an urgent phone call. I’ll be back soon, Sehun.”

You stared at Byun Baekhyun with your mouth hanging slightly open. His hair was pushed from his forehead, leaving space to admire his handsome features and the wrinkle-free forehead. His jawline was sharp and you zoomed in on those lips and the way they showed his lower teeth whenever he opened his mouth. He was absolutely breath-taking and he kissed you last night in your dream. He arrested you, too.

Baekhyun finally looked at the person Sehun had been chatting with, intending to acknowledge their presence but maybe he shouldn’t have. Having Lee Nari staring at him that way still pulled on his insides.

It was exactly three seconds and you sensed Sehun nodding to himself awkwardly, obviously thinking well, I told you to leave, but he didn't have to speak indirectly no more. You dashed. You literally dashed along with your cocktail, not bothering about spilling it all over yourself in the process, not bothering to say bye to Sehun, let alone acknowledging Baekhyun's presence. You swore you wouldn't do it. So you didn't.

Your heart was wild and scarily loud as you hastily approached Chul and slid down into your chair, bringing breeze along with you. He locked his phone he’d been playing with while you were away but when he saw your disheveled state, he blurted: “Nari? What happened? Are you okay?”

You were staring at him, desperately trying not to look where Sehun and Baekhyun were.

“It’s fine.”

“Did someone try to do something?” He looked back over his shoulder and he directly spotted Sehun and he must have seen Baekhyun, too. They had their heads connected now, an intense talk going on. “Hey, that’s Oh Sehun with someone.”

“Yeah, I chatted with him for a moment. Anyway, I’m here now. Let’s continue the talk.”

Chul took a moment longer before he finally turned around and faced you. He caught you gulping down half of the cocktail and sighed. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, I am.” Your eyes wandered on their own accord and you caught eyes with Baekhyun as he was leaving the bar. He was carefully making his way through the crowd, his phone in his hands, most probably tending to that urgent phone call he mentioned. He must have still been a workaholic.

To your utter horror, he wasn’t a coward. You should have known better than to follow him with your stare, for Baekhyun kept his look on you, observing you expressionlessly until he couldn’t do so anymore and until he was out of the bar.

He would hunt you all the time.

And you, as mature and as confident you acted a year ago when you told him there might be a chance of you two starting over again, you realized you probably matured backwards during that time. Anger, hatred, passion - they were all burning up inside of you and all the unwanted memories came flooding back.

Biting down hard on your lip, you willed away the tears. Lee Nari was not someone who would cry just over anyone and she wouldn't get fooled twice.

It was just the realization that you would never be able to build your bridges up with him again that made you want to weep. Even though you wanted to, you found it almost impossible in that moment.

><><><><><

A/N: Whew. I had a little bit of a rough time with this one because it is so slow-paced and already a little complex (in my head). What did you think? I got you fooled there in the beginning heheh It was just a dream in case you are still not sure! Though you never know with Captain Bucheon, hm?

Please let me know your thoughts!! :) 

CuriousCat

[afternoonpoppy]

Hi, long time watcher, first time asker! So I noticed that in an older work, you mentioned that Wolfram gets the hiccups any time he so much as has a drop of alcohol. So uh... I would die a very happy lady if you wrote something about Wolfram having drinks for the first time. Blushy, buzzed, cuddly, hiccupping magical boy? Uuuuughhh yes pleaaaase.

(aaaaaaa I've had this waiting in my inbox for wait too long and I'm very sorry! It took me a lot longer to get a chance to write this than I wanted to.

Not me accidentally making Allister's school and work history really relatable to my own and not me using this as an excuse to write something taking place in December because it's currently way too hot outside.)

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Allister tapped his finger against the keyboard of his laptop, staring at the screen. The math on the screen stared back at him.

"I hate this," he muttered. "Fram, I can't do math."

Wolfram, seated next to him on the couch, leaned against Allister's shoulder and looked down at the screen as well. "Did you struggle during your classes as well?"

"When I was fully conscious, yes. When I was working off of sleep deprivation, coffee, and panic on exam days, I managed pretty decent grades. Somehow."

Wolfram's expression was a mixture of disapproval and concern as he looked up at Allister.

"Hey, I don't have to do that anymore," Allister said with a shrug. Instead, he just had to suffer through the periodic online courses that fulfilled the accursed 'continuing education' his license required every couple of years. It really wasn't so bad and all the questions were multiple choice. He could always have just answered blindly until he got them correct. But Allister had been raised to be honest and to put actual effort into things. This just happened to be the sort of thing he struggled at.

He looked up at the clock that hung up on the living room wall, seeing that it read the same time as his laptop. Quarter past nine, meaning he'd been working away at these courses for the past two or so hours. Something like that, he hadn't really kept track. Allister sighed and placed his laptop onto the coffee table in front of the couch. "I think it's time for a break. Hey, a friend at work gave me a bottle of wine for the holidays. It's cheap, but why don't we have some?"

Despite it being mid-December already, Allister had to admit the house didn't give that impression. It was snowing heavily outside, sure. But inside were only a few small holly wreaths that he'd bought at a discount from the pharmacy on a whim. He hadn't actually thought to buy anything for the holiday season otherwise.

"Wine?" Wolfram seemed to think that over for a moment, then shrugged. "I suppose I'll try some."

"Oh. You haven't had wine before?" Wine and other drinks certainly seemed like a staple of fantasy worlds with magic and the like. But then again, Allister wondered if he should stop making assumptions about Wolfram's home based on YA novels.

"Not in particular, no. During my time studying, my peers occasionally invited me to join them for an evening of drinks during our own holidays or when there was something to celebrate. I preferred to stay to my studies, though."

Allister stood up from the couch, heading towards the kitchen. "So magic college had the kids who wanted to party and the ones who panicked for good exam scores. Sounds like normal boring college."

Wolfram followed, leaning against the kitchen counter with a playful smirk directed at Allister. "Who said I panicked over my exams?"

"Well, if you're such a genius," Allister said, reaching up into one of the cupboards for the wine bottle and a pair of glasses, "I may just have you do my math for me. I bet you'll love dilutions." He had to admit, he felt fancy pulling out the wine glasses. It wasn't every day Allister had an excuse for that.

Pouring some of the red wine into each of the glasses, Allister handed one off to Wolfram.

"Dilutions..." Wolfram stared into the wine as he muttered the word. "Mathematics regarding multiple liquids? I do believe we covered something of the sort in alchemical basics." He paused and took a tentative sip of the wine, then stared at it more as if studying it.

"What do you think?"

"I'm not certain how I feel about the taste."

"Well, that's fair. I doubt cheap gift wine is the best introduction to the stuff."

"I suppose it's fine eno - hic - ohh..." Wolfram grimaced with the sudden case of hiccups beginning.

"Oh geez, that didn't take much, huh?" Allister offered a sympathetic smile.

Wolfram stared at the glass of wine, eyes narrowing at it. "Appare - hic - apparently so... I'm not sold on the - hic - idea of alcohol thus far, Alli - hic - Allister."

Allister gently patted his poor, hiccuping boyfriend on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it, Fram. It's not everyone's thing anyway." He shrugged.

"Mm-hm... Is it - hic - really all that enj - hic - enjoyable to be intoxicated?"

"Hm... I mean, I guess?" Given that Allister hardly drank much at once, that wasn't the easiest question for him to answer, but he liked it well enough in the right context. Seeing that Wolfram was still studying the wine with something of a skeptical look, Allister offered, "You don't have to drink it if you don't like it, it's fine. Like I said, it's cheap stuff too."

It was Wolfram's turn to answer with a shrug as he said, "It's f - hic - fine. I'm not completely aga - hic - against the taste, so I'll see what I think of it."

"Oh." Allister was, admittedly, surprised. Wolfram wasn't completely disdainful of something that had so easily given him hiccups? That was unusual. "Well, how about we find something to watch for a bit before I get back to work?"

---

A glass of wine and some television later, Allister realized that getting back to work was... difficult. For one thing, he hadn't finished that math from earlier and was now facing down the dreaded dilutions. The alcohol may not have been helping with that. Then there was also the matter of Wolfram.

"Alli - hic - ster." Wolfram whined, draping his arms over Allister's shoulders. "Is the math - hic - done yet?" He leaned forward, resting his head against the back of Allister's neck.

"Still struggling with that part," Allister said. His attention drifted to the empty wine glass that Wolfram had left on the table. Was it a coincidence that Allister's sweetheart, now slightly red-faced in the cheeks, was acting clingier than usual? No, certainly not.

"Well, hurry up," Wolfram mumbled into the collar of Allister's shirt. "Finish up s - hic - so you can cuddle me."

Allister smiled, reaching a hand up to gently squeeze Wolfram's own. "I'd love to, Fram, but it's a bit difficult with you hanging onto me like that."

Wolfram pointed at the laptop. "Then gi - hic - ive it to me. I'll do it, let me - hic - see it."

"You know, I wasn't serious about having you do the dilutions, Fram."

"Allister, I'm - hic - smart, remember? Numbers are numbers even in a different world, I can - hic - do it." Without bothering to wait for an answer, Wolfram sat up and promptly stretched out to lay on his side across Allister's lap, reaching over to the laptop on the table.

"Fram, what are you -"

"It's fine, Allister, it's fi - hic - ine. I can do math," Wolfram muttered indignantly.

Allister sighed and relented, waiting as Wolfram stared at the text on the screen. Eventually, Wolfram rolled onto his back to look up at Allister. "How do I use this?"

"You know, Fram," Allister said, brushing a stray hair out of Wolfram's face, "I have to do a course on pharmacy law after this one too. I don't think you'll be able to help with that one so you're still going to be waiting a bit."

Wolfram pouted and crossed his arms. "Allister."

"What is it?"

"N - hic - o," Wolfram said, the single-syllable word mangled by his hiccups.

"You want to try that again?"

"I'm telling you no, Allister. You're do - hic - ing what you tell me not to do. You're going to ove - hic - overwork yourself, and I refuse to let you."

"I get it," Allister said, "but I have to do this stuff for work, Fra -"

Wolfram put a hand up over Allister's mouth. "Shush. You have ple - hic - nty of time to do this work, right? So I'll make you do more tomo - hic - tomorrow."

"Tomorrow, huh?" Allister mumbled, pushing Wolfram's hand aside with a hand of his own, fingers intertwining. Tomorrow sounded like a better time for the dilutions. "So that means cuddling now?"

Wolfram nodded. "I dema - hic - demand cuddles, Alli." Still lying on his back, he held out his arms up towards Allister expectantly.

Allister broke into a smile at that sight. "You're playful when you're tipsy, huh?"

"I never said I was - hic - tipsy. Oh, wait." Apparently having a sudden idea, Wolfram abruptly sat up. He brought his hands closer together and began to recite a spell - though, with his hiccups interrupting him, it took three or four times before he was able to successfully do so. Once he managed the spell without interruption, one of the small animal-like spirits formed in his hands and Wolfram smiled at Allister. "More warmth to sit with us."

"If we doze off, it's going to run off eventually and start causing trouble, won't it?"

Wolfram thought, looking back down at the currently rabbit-esque spirit. He shrugged and said in a dismissive tone, "It's fine, it's fi - hic - fine."

"Well, if it starts knocking stuff over later, you're the one who has to clean it up. Get over here, then," Allister said before leaning towards Wolfram and pulling him down to lie down on the couch.

[metroheterojerk]

I’ve realized I haven’t updated my AU in a while, so here’s something I typed up awhile back. It’s from February 2021, but I think it captures what I wanted to talk about fairly well. Today’s topic is Toon Education. Enjoy!

Quick note before we start: seeing as I did write this awhile ago I sort of intended my AU to be solely focused on the Tiny Toons because that’s what inspired it. However since then I wanted to integrate more WB characters into it and I made it into a Warner Bros. AU in general. Thank you✨

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This is for like... sorta a tiny toons AU thing ig. It’ll include more characters. (Tiny toons, Warner siblings) But it’s outside of the show and the toons actually do go to a school but it’s in the heart of toon town and it’s a Toon Conservatory. I took inspiration for it from art schools. So you have to audition for them and if you show promise they accept you. At the toon conservatory it’s a middle school/high school and the campus is huge. Conservatories are mostly reserved for middle school to high school aged toons but some elementary schools for toons can specialize in Tooning and what not. The toon conservatory they currently go to was opened by Bugs like... fucking ages ago when the Looney Tunes were all a bit younger. The conservatory was small and you needed to pay money, but over time it expanded and it went to an audition process in order to be accepted and he eventually got the other looney tunes to help him out, hence them being teachers there. In the conservatory the high schoolers can wear whatever they want to but the middle schoolers are required to wear a uniform. It helps the staff distinguish who’s from what level because both high school and middle school buildings are connected by one of those see through glass bridge things you see at hospitals (I thought they were nice lmao) and also some of the middle schoolers have classes in the high school building so yeah! You got the tiny toons, the Warners, and some other toons about their age going to that school. The students that go to this particular school are either already signed to companies or have been in shows or currently are in shows. The others are just waiting for their big break. It’s also a hot spot for paparazzi and many of the students carry around a face mask, a hat, and sunglasses (I got this idea from the KPOP idols I see because they do this to hide their identity when going out a lot of the time.) but others don’t worry abt it too much, but for this reason the school has good security, toon style ✨

Toons can’t go to the same schools as humans because they have different needs so there’s separate schools for them. Most toon schools are in toon town and you learn the same curriculum as you would in a regular human school, however there are extra classes that toons take. They also have the option to take Tooning classes. Think of it kinda like an extra curricular activity like theater or band. Some schools already have it integrated in their curriculum but it’s typically not a main focus. There are some toon schools outside of toon town but it’s not many, and if there is it’s typically a *really* small school. If there isn’t a toon school that you can attend you need to pay for a tutor or teach your child yourself or else you’re pretty much screwed.

When it comes to toon conservatories they also teach the same stuff in human schools like math and science but Tooning classes are in fact a main focus and already part of the curriculum. So toon calculus and toon history are very common classes in the conservatories and most toons attending them do take them. Students in the toon conservatories are more likely to be stars while the others who don’t go to them are most likely to just work regular jobs like being a salesman or a nurse.

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If you have any questions about this my ask box is open (at least it should be) or leave a question in the notes or however you may want to. Thank you so much for those who actually read and enjoy this! I promise I’ll put out more.