#preferably not greek because I fucking hate the people here

[arttsuka]

Guys please manifest a good guy/girl/someone to randomly find me on the 14th so we can have a platonic date or something

[miabebe]

Camp Seventeen: Chapter 1

Pairing - Afab!reader x ot13 (Reader x Seungcheol, Reader x Soonyoung for this Ch)

Word count - 13K

Genre - Greek Demigod AU! We’ve got crack, smut (tags for the chapter are under the cut), fluff , angst, hurt, comfort, all of it in this series, buckle up!

Chapter summary - It's been a week since you stepped foot in Camp Seventeen - as you navigated the days trying to wrap your head around the 13 boys, one's touch and another's voice start to become a bit too bothersome....

A/n - And the series has finally kickstarted! Please read the prologue before this! Big thanks to @okiedokrie and @c-oupsie for helping beta read this, y'all are the sweetest <3

I do have a taglist so comment on this post to be added! And if you enjoyed reading, please don't forget to leave feedback in the comments or tags - we've got lots of chapters to go and hearing thoughts really helps <3

Smut warnings - mutual masturbation, fingering, use of a very questionable dildo, is this considered cheating? Idk it's all blur here, jerking off, cum feeding, cum eating and I hope that's all?

“Fucking hell.” 

You mumbled, waking up the same way you had been for the last one week - startled and nearly jumping off your bed. 

While most people began their days to the ringing of alarm clocks (or roosters if they preferred the countryside), you regularly woke up to the sound of Seungcheol’s eagle screeching in your ear. 

Turning your head, you glanced at Zephyr perched on the window before it gave you a short nod of acknowledgement and flew off into the darkness. Yes darkness, because unlike most people, your day also began at 4 fucking am in the morning. 

Groaning and stretching, you sat up, holding back the large yawn that was threatening to pull you back to sleep. If Zephyr was here to wake you up, that meant you were late yet again and you hated that - you had done too many walks of shame to the training field and were in no mood to be conspicuously stared at by 13 boys as you stumbled over, carrying all your gear. 

Knowing you didn’t have enough time to drop by the washroom, you popped a mint and sprayed some deodorant before quickly grabbing your things and running out into the darkness. 

The sun was just starting to peek from between the mountains as the House Of Zeus became smaller and smaller behind you. Although you had a long list of concerns living with Seungcheol, an unbeatable advantage was how close his residence was to the training grounds. Still, you could somehow never manage to be punctual. By the time you reached, you were 15 minutes late and Seokmin had already begun the morning drills. 

“Two laps around the field newbie.” He muttered as you walked past him, habituated to receiving the same punishment everyday. 

While you begrudgingly jogged around the perimeter of the grounds, your mind wandered to everything and nothing that happened over the past few days. 

Life at camp so far had been…. strange. 

You would be lying if you said you were already accustomed to life here. You most certainly were not. And forget a week, not even a year could prepare you for what living in the wild was like. 

To begin with, there was no electricity here. That’s right, no lights, no air conditioning, no Internet, nothing. 

Member’s began their days at sunrise and ended it as sunset - after all nothing much could be done in the dim illuminance of the fire torches scattered all around the base. So of course for you, who functioned best from 1 to 3am, this archaic way of life was highly inconvenient. 

The only place that had even a trace of something technologically advanced was the Great Hall - some of the more brainy boys had managed to set up a small circuit for kitchen appliances, laundry machines, a small charging station and that was about it. Rumor was that Wonwoo's residence had its own circuit too, but no one could really confirm that intel - it was as though none of them had ever ventured into the House of Hades. 

And as though the lack of scientific inventions was not enough, showers…..were communal. Apparently it made more sense that water lines were directed to one common bath house rather than to each individual house. For them it was definitely more convenient to have the baths, jacuzzi and sauna all in one place, but for you that meant waiting everyday after training for the whole lot of them to be done washing up before you could do the same, with some privacy. 

Oh and speaking of privacy, in the last week you spent here, you had come to realize that in this all-boys-greek-mythology world, it was privacy that was the real myth. Obviously after years of living together the boys were close but sometimes, they were perhaps a tad bit too close - like the time you had walked in on Mingyu and Seokmin boxing in just their underwear or when Soonyoung and Seungkwan sat right next to you, loudly comparing their dick sizes. You usually drew the line at phallic discussions.

The one place on camp that perhaps gave you some alone time and space away from the mess that the boys were, was the library. Considering you had shifted the last year of your University to an online study, you had a shit ton of assignments to complete and that was the only place you were able to get anything done at all. It was like the boys didn’t even know the study building existed - no one cared enough to go there so yeah, maybe occasionally, you also allowed yourself to let down your hair, sing in your horribly off pitch voice and dance to beats from your walkman. Outside those four walls it was impossible for you to feel even a little peace and quiet. 

Surprisingly, not even the temple, which one would think would be a place of sanctity, was spared from the deviant actions of the boys. The altar was less a place of worship and more a place for bargains and exchange deals - it was the only way to connect to the gods, aka, the parents in Olympus. 

You had come to learn that just like the human world, not all God parents loved their kids the same - some members were regularly showered with gifts and goods, others would not receive so much as a response. You found yourself falling in the second half. Your father never cared for you in the human world and apparently, neither did your mother. 

Brushing off the thoughts of the woman you had thought was dead for the last 25 years, you wrapped up your punishment and joined the boys for morning exercises, ready to start yet another tiring day. 

“All done!” 

Joshua gave you a sweet smile as he stepped out of the bath house, rubbing the towel into his wet hair. Thanking him softly, you walked into the showers, stripped out of your clothes and turned on the hot water. The mud that Minghao had you rolling in today as part of combat training washed off as the heat worked to soothe your aching muscles. Lathering shampoo onto your scalp, you finally felt yourself relaxing, letting your favorite citrus smell take over your senses. Outside the bath house, you could hear Seungcheol raising his voice, instructing all the members to head for breakfast, loud footsteps following his words. 

Choi Seungcheol….. Living with him so far had been frustrating. 

When you first stepped into his residence, you told him that you’ve always lived alone so it might take you a while to adjust to living with someone and Seungcheol seemed to inwardly decide that giving you space was his life's purpose. After that, whenever you appeared before him, he politely greeted you and walked away. Whenever you stood as much as two feet near him he took a step back, like he didn't want to intrude on your personal space. Whenever you sat in his vicinity, he excused himself stating he'll give you some ‘me-time’. 

You wish he knew how much you were in fact craving for the exact opposite - You wanted Choi Seungcheol. God you so badly wanted him. 

It wasn't like you could just make a move on him because 

1.Hell no you didn't want him or anyone in this camp to realise just how (as Jihoon called it) thirsty you were and 

2. Seungcheol wasn’t just anybody, he was the leader. Members bowed to him when he walked by, even the companions, specially Patricia who listened to no one, obeyed him - anything and everything on this camp premises held him at the highest regard. You couldn't just walk up to such a man and tell him, “hey, you're hella hot and I'm hella attracted to you, I wish you would ravage me.”???? 

All you could hope was that Seungcheol somehow approached you on his own but that seemed questionable given the clear line he had drawn between the two of you. 

The one person you wished would actually draw a line was the first one to always cross it - Yoon Jeonghan. You knew he and Seungcheol were the same age and that they were close but you didn't understand just how close they had to be for Athena's son to barge into the leaders residence whenever he wanted? Even at times you were changing your clothes or lying casually on the bed in your night dresses that barely covered anything. 

The most infuriating part was Jeonghan did not ever apologize - he'd just laugh and walk away and you wanted to do nothing more than throw a shoe at him. For some reason he enjoyed getting on your nerves, he enjoyed making you angry and it wasn’t just you - in the last one week, it was evident that Jeonghan was a pain in everyone's ass but somehow they all adored him? You didn't get why they all seemed to love a man who always liked to pull their leg, never leaving any chance to fool them with his wit - you assumed they just preferred to be on his good side so all his harmless fun remained harmless. 

Even Joshua, who was one of the sweetest people you knew, seemed to have a soft spot for Jeonghan. 

When you asked him why he said before Jeonghan joined camp, Seungcheol was very uptight and ran the camp like a military barrack - it was the former’s pranks and carefree attitude that allowed members to be at ease. Though he was talking about Jeonghan, you knew what Joshua’s words truly reflected were his own good nature. He just seemed like the kind of guy who could do no wrong - like a pure, sweet soul. The days after you first arrived at camp it was Joshua who showed you around, guided you with everything and tried to make you feel at home. No one else really tried to get to know you as a person - they were all more interested about how and why you landed in their camp. 

It also helped that Joshua was extremely pleasant on the eyes - at times when you didn’t want to feel overburdened by thoughts, you loved to sit next to him and watch him work on his little craft for the day or write that new novel of his. Yes he was good looking and yes when he smiled, you felt dazzled, but it was his sweet disposition that made you choose his company over the other members.

On the days he would go off to the city for some work, the next best place you found yourself was on Jun’s farm. Not that he was particularly nice to you or anything, Jun was…. quiet. He seemed to always do his thing, not bothering anyone, only speaking when required. When the evenings rolled around, you liked to take Natalie on a walk to visit the man she had a big fat crush on. Honestly though, who wouldn’t have a crush on someone like Jun - though he was the one working in the fields, it was you who was sweating, just watching him. 

Although you did want to talk to him, try to get to know him a little bit, you chose not to - as someone who enjoyed the peace and quiet, you decided to let at least some member offer you that because guys like Soonyoung sure as hell could not. 

Soonyoung was…….. A teenager stuck in a man’s body. Oh yeah he was hot as hell - just the nice build with muscles popping in all the right places. He knew how to dress better than most people on camp too - if you had seen him somewhere else, you would have thought he was one of those cool kids you always saw on campus. 

But that image of him was destroyed the moment he sat on a Leopard and insisted it was a tiger. Over the last week, that was the predominant discussion between the two of you. That and his incessant flirting. Or rather, attempt to flirt. All he came across was cheesy, kinda humorous and loud. Extremely loud. 

Wonwoo on the other hand was as silent as the night. 

Most of the time you didn’t even know if and when he was around, it was like he was non-existent. The members too didn’t seem to bother much with what he did - you noticed he didn’t wash up with the others, often hitting the showers after you were done. He never came for any meals on time, he always stayed back, even after all the members dispersed for the day - he just seemed to function however he liked and no one questioned him. He never questioned you either - Not once did Wonwoo ever attempt to make conversation with you or even meet your eye. It was like he couldn’t care less and that wasn't very pleasant for you. 

Someone who seemed to care a lot though, was Jihoon. Oh Jihoo was quiet too, but somehow he had his eyes on everything. Everything you did, everything you saw, even everything you felt seemed to find its way into Jihoon’s radar - he just knew. It terrified you that he was able to see right through you but the good thing about Jihoon was that he generally kept his mouth shut and wasn’t too keen on discussing his observations. Regardless, his presence made you feel extremely conscious and a part of you often tried to not be alone with him, lest he could read your mind or something. 

As the last of the soap rinsed off you, you turned off the water and grabbed your towel, patting yourself down. Your body was sore and aching all over - Minghao said that was because you were not used to such combat routines and in a few months time you would get used to it but you weren’t really sure if you had it in you to tolerate all this for that long. 

You also still had no idea what exactly these skills were needed for but from the conversations you overheard, it sounded like some sort of competition? That was both unlikely and terrifying cause who really competed with swords and spears anymore but if it was true, then what the actual hell??? Minghao said he didn’t want to scare you with the details just yet and would explain everything when the time came. For now, you were to focus on building your core strength and basic self defense, in case the camp is ever attacked…. Yes, cause that is less scary, way to make one feel better. 

But that was the thing about Minghao - he did not have the habit of sugar coating things. He was honest with his feedback no matter how rude it sounded and though sometimes it did make you feel like shit, he also made sure to push you to do better. You knew if there was anyone you could approach for a real, unbiased opinion, it was him. 

The same could not be said for Mingyu though - everything that came out of his mouth was saccharine sweet to the point it actually annoyed you. There was no doubt he was a nice guy - he was handsome, goofy, really good with his hands, really really good with his brain but the same didn’t extend to his mouth. His style of getting your attention was to ceaselessly seek validation and unfortunately for him, you weren’t really someone who was great with words of affirmation. When he was not trying so hard to please though, Mingyu was truly the biggest sweetheart with the fattest, most caring heart you had ever come across - the kind one wanted to wrap in bubble wrap and tuck away safely. 

Seokmin too fell in the same category - the type who was so precious, it was hard to believe people like him even existed. The only reason you were able to survive these few weeks of training despite coming late was because Seokmin had your back every time Seungcheol wasn’t watching - allowing you to take breathers, overlooking the fact that you were doing less sets than you were supposed to, things of that sort. He was always sweet and calm, giving you soft smiles and sweet eye crinkles. 

With his members though, Seokmin was a whole different person - he was unnaturally loud, extremely energetic and all over the place. The problem was, you didn’t know which of the two was the real him. You weren’t really sure why but something told you Seokmin wasn’t the man he seemed like and a strange curiosity coursed through you every time you interacted with him. 

Seungkwan on the other hand was the exact opposite, he was exactly what he seemed like - always annoyed, unabashedly honest and unnecessarily snarky. In a way, you understood him - Seungkwan had the habit of taking on many things at once and keeping him unbelievably busy. In university, you too were like this - you took extra modules, signed up for multiple clubs, worked an internship alongside a couple of part time jobs and more. You liked to be occupied, to not allow yourself the room to think about what your life could have been otherwise. Maybe that’s why you saw yourself in Mr. Busy Boo - always roaming around with that bluetooth in his ear, attending some meeting or the other, frequently heading to the city to get work done - ‘rest’ was just not a word in his dictionary.

But even amidst all this business and even though his automated response was to snap back at people, he still managed to bond really well with the members despite having joined the camp only a few months before you had. It was like they all needed him to be their constant reality check. 

The one who you thought required his presence more than anyone was Hansol. A man like him whose entire personality was avoidant needed someone like Seungkwan who would drag him into everything forcibly. Hansol wasn’t like Wonwoo, who was unbothered, couldn’t care less and pretended like you didn’t exist. Hansol was well aware of your presence and chose to actively avoid you every time - if you remembered right, there were even instances when he had practically run away from you. Something was just weird about that guy. 

Perhaps the most normal of them all was Chan - actually he was just as loud and consistently blabbering much like some of the others but something about him made you feel very fond of him. Sure he was the same age as you but he felt like a child, always babied by his members, always grinning like a cheshire cat. And consequently, you too naturally babied him and Chan too enjoyed it - the two of you were perfectly content with your dynamic. 

If only you got that same feeling with everyone else……

As you grabbed your things and stepped out of the bath house fully dressed, Wonwoo was standing outside with a towel slung on his shoulder, scrolling through his phone. Without so much as looking at you, he walked past you, into the shower room, loudly shutting the door behind him. 

“Can you ever be on time?” Jeonghan sighed, handing you a plate of pancakes as you looked around realizing everyone was nearly done with breakfast. “It’s not my job to wait your table every morning.” 

“Until you lot arrange for me to have my own shower,”  You grabbed an apple, taking a bite into it as you sat at the extra long dining table. “I’m afraid this is exactly how late I will be everyday.” 

“You know what they say sweetie,” Soonyoung whisked the apple from your hand, taking a bite of his own. “If you can’t beat the crowd, join the crowd.”

You looked at him exasperatedly, knowing that he was just talking out of his ass. Maybe if it was someone else you'd be offended but seeing his childlike face and full cheeks, you were only mildly amused. 

“I'm more of the ‘don't join the crowd, let it follow you’ kinds.”

“Oh I'd follow you anywhere Y/n.” He sighed dreamily as you laughed, taking a bite out of your pancakes that were still too hot. 

“How about you start following your own girlfriend instead Kwon?” Minghao walked around the kitchen island shooting Soonyoung an unimpressed look. “Rumour is that she was seen outside the Dreamboys Disco and we all know exactly what one goes there for.”

“She's not my girlfriend anymore.” Soonyoung muttered. “We broke up.”

“Weren't you just planning an anniversary trip two days ago?” Seokmin looked at him quizzically. 

“Yeah then we argued over a location and she said it was better we broke up for a while.” 

“This is what, your third breakup this month?”

“Fifth.” He whispered sadly in a way that made you want to pat his back. “Sixth actually, if you count the one that lasted for 3 hours.” 

“I'll never understand these on again off again kind of relationships.” Seungkwan clicked his tongue, hurriedly grabbing a banana, balancing all the files in his hand. “The only thing it screams to me is disrespect.” 

“Okay Mr. Seung-I-am-the-son-of-Hera-and-marriage-is-the-way-of-life-Kwan” Soonyoung rolled his eyes. “Not every traditional relationship is healthy, and not everything unconventional is toxic.”

“Yes, except yours is both unconventional and toxic.” Seungkwan scoffed, raising his hand before Soonyoung retaliated. “I can’t care enough right now, tiger boy, I’m already late. We can reschedule your relationship counseling session sometime later.” 

“How about never?” Soonyoung grumbled as Seungkwan rushed off, attending a call on his bluetooth. “Who’s idea was it for him to join the camp again?” 

“Mine.” Seungcheol slid onto the seat across you, raising an eyebrow. “Is there a problem?” 

“Nope.” Soonyoung shook his head fast. “Absolutely not.”

Smirking just a little, Seungcheol turned to you, sliding a couple pieces of chicken breast off his plate onto yours. “You need to eat more Y/n, that little won’t last you through the day.” 

“Same goes for you..” Jeonghan mumbled, placing a bottle of protein shake near Seungcheol who gave him a grateful smile. From the corner of your eye, you saw Jun increase the portion of chicken to buy on the huge shopping list scribbled on the white board.

If there was anything you absolutely loved about this camp, it was the brotherhood. No matter what each member was like individually, as a team, they loved and cared about each other immensely. You weren’t really sure if and when they could extend the same for you but having lived alone nearly all your life, a part of you craved to be one of them, to be cared for like that. 

“I won’t be able to make it for the meeting tonight.” Wonwoo, as usual, strolled in much later than you and no one, as usual, had any complaints with that. In fact rather uncharacteristically nicely, Jeonghan handed him breakfast, shooting him a worried look.

“Why, what’s wrong?” 

“I need to drop by the headquarters today.” He sighed, sitting a couple of seats away from you. “There’s an important official coming and apparently my presence is needed.” 

“Will you be back by nightfall?” Seungcheol asked, looking concerned. You knew why he was worried - if Wonwoo wasn’t there on camp grounds at night that meant all the members had to take their places on the perimeter to guard overnight. Sleep was not an option that night. 

“Yeah,” Wonwoo replied, not looking up. “I will just have to miss out on the meeting for the lawsuit.” 

Right that meeting. The one you, Jeonghan and Wonwoo, had been trying to have for days now to sort out the biggest mess of your life. 

“Shouldn’t be a problem, Nonu.” Mingyu patted his shoulder, shooting you a wink. “Y/n has other plans with me today anyways.” 

You frowned confused as Mingyu clarified. “You were going to finalise your house plan so I could start construction, remember?” 

Oh yeah, you had that too. 

“Awesome, then I can go to the city today.” Jeonghan clapped cheerily, taking his apron off. 

“You don’t work today though…..” Jun muttered, looking at the shortage in the lunch boxes he had packed. 

“Don’t worry about food, I got some friends to meet over lunch.” The older man shot him a two-fingered salute before jogging out of the dining hall, earning Seungcheol’s tired sigh. 

“I can never keep up with him-” 

“Cab leaves in five!” Chan shouted, poking his head through the window. 

The members around immediately stuffed the last of their breakfast, grabbing their things hurriedly, rushing out to get the front seat in Chan’s car. Afterall, the ones behind had to squeeze to fit themselves in and the one hour bumpy ride to the city was not fun. From their collective groans though you could tell Jeonghan had called shotgun - the asshole was lucky as usual. 

Seungcheol downed the last of his breakfast with a fond laugh before turning to you. 

“Have a nice day Y/n, I’ll see you later.” 

You tried not to smile back at him too widely as your eyes followed him leaving the premises. When you turned back to your meal, you could feel a set of eyes keenly looking at you. Looking up, you saw Jihoon staring at you with a small smirk, his expression all knowing. Gulping, you excused yourself from there. 

You stared at the blueprint before you, humming skeptically. 

“Are you still not happy with the design?” Mingyu sighed, crossing his arms. 

“I don’t know.” You drawled. “Something about it feels….off.” 

“Something about your own design that you made for your own house feels off?” 

“Gyu.” Joshua chastised, standing up from the couch and walking over to you. “Artists second guess their work all the time, have some patience.” 

“I am patient.” The bigger man pointed. “But she’s unbelievably indecisive.” 

“I know, I’m sorry.” You looked up at Mingyu guiltily. “It’s just, I’m wondering if having a bathroom in my residence is a good idea or if I should just have another small one built by the bath house? I mean think about it - my residence is so far from the training grounds and the dining hall, if I had to walk all this distance everyday, I’m only going to be more late-” 

“I get it.” Mingyu patted your back. “I get your concerns but the sooner we finalize this, the sooner I can get to building it and the sooner you can get out of Seungcheol’s house and into your own space.” 

Ahhh. 

Right. 

A part of you was thankful that Jihoon wasn’t a part of this discussion otherwise he would’ve seen right through your subtle attempts to delay this process. You didn’t want to be an inconvenience on purpose but….. You were just a girl and you wanted to get to know Cheol a little better. It didn’t help that he was barely ever at home, leaving at the crack of dawn for training and only returning very late at night, after he finished attending night school doing that stupid astronomy degree of his. The only time you ever got with him was on Sunday because members did not train on Sundays - everyone was free to do whatever they wanted. And you wanted to do Cheol. 

So far you only had the chance to spend one weekend alone with him and maybe just maybe if you pushed your house construction a little you’d have the chance for another weekend or two. Then perhaps, you’d be able to take this unresolved, unnecessary tension with him somewhere. 

“How about you take a few days and work on your plan again Y/n?” Joshua rolled up the large paper carefully, handing it to you. “Whenever you’re ready let me and Mingyu know - we’ll try and figure out the materials, budget, feasibility and all that.” 

“It’s times like this I miss Jeonghan’s brain.” Mingyu clicked his tongue, disappointed. “Where did he say he was off to again?” 

“When does he ever tell us?” Joshua mumbled. “He should be back by nightfall though. Jun said he needed help with the fertilizer composition and Han told him he would help.” 

“Wow, he’s capable of being useful.” You rolled your eyes, stashing the blueprint into your bag. Mingyu and Joshua laughed, amused.

“Jeonghan is always useful..” 

“We still haven’t managed to figure out a thing about my lawsuit and my hearing is in a few weeks-” 

“Han and Wonwoo will sort it out Y/n, don’t worry.” Joshua rubbed your arm comfortingly. “They’re the best one can ask for.” 

“Yeah except I can’t seem to ask Jeonghan for anything cause he’s a little bitch or ask Wonwoo anything because for that he would need to realise that I exist and I don’t think he does.” 

“Wonwoo hyung is….” Mingyu trailed off. “He’s a little hard to understand. Just give him some time. Once you figure him out, you’ll know why he’s like this.”

Exasperated, you shook your head and walked away. Time was the one thing you never seemed to have. 

Like always, as the sun began setting you glanced out of the window of the library catching sight of the varied hues in the sky. On the camp ground you could see Mingyu riding his big mechanical bull, lighting up the fire torches around for the night. Pulling out the lighter from your bag, you stared at the candles stacked in the middle of the table. 

Sighing you cast the lighter aside and snapped your fingers, watching the flames come to life in your hand, dancing across your palm. Stretching your fingers, and moving your hand around, you watched the orange yellow light just glide across your skin like it was a pretty accessory and not literal fire that should have obliterated your hand by now. 

Fire never did burn you - how could it when a mere thought could make it come alive in your hands. You first discovered this when you were 16 and accidentally dunking your hand in a pot full of boiling water did not leave so much as a scar. Even though you were unscathed you roamed around for a few days with a fully bandaged hand - the world would have thought you were some sort of freak otherwise. Over the years you tried to play with fire in many ways, just to test your limits, just to see how far you could go and each time, much to your own dismay, the limit didn’t exist. Each time proved just how much you didn’t fit in the world, just how much you deserved to be alone because you really were a freak. 

But that was until a few weeks ago. 

Until you discovered it wasn’t the inability to burn that was the true madness - it was your ability to create fire itself. 

From there things spiraled. You learnt you weren’t the anomaly but a part of a rather large group of such circus acts - a world completely hidden from your own. In a cascade of events you were thrown into camp seventeen out of no will of your own and now, this was your life, this was your world. 

Holding your flaming hand over your redrawn sketches you glanced at them. Thanks to the two boys yet again canceling the meeting with you, you found yourself working in the library earlier than usual, exhausted by the time the sun set. As you debated between working a little more or heading back, the door opening with a slow creak made the decision for you - if it was windy outside, it was most likely going to rain and you didn’t want to stay long enough to get drenched. Quickly dousing the flame and blowing out the candles, you grabbed all your things and saw your way out. 

In the darkness, the camp was quiet as usual. You figured most of the members must’ve retired to their residences for the night and when you reached the House of Zeus, surprisingly, so had Seungcheol. 

“Y-you’re home.” You stuttered, watching the shirtless man, doing sit ups in the middle of the living room in the dim golden light of the paraffin lamps. 

Evidently Seungcheol hadn’t expected your presence so soon either because at the sound of your voice, he got up with a jerk, pulling a muscle in his abdomen. 

“Cheol oh my god-” 

“You’re early.” He got up wincing, holding the side of his trunk. “I’m sorry I should have been doing this in my room-” 

“I mean, the whole house is yours-” 

“There’s a heavy rain forecast today, not really much astronomy I can do-” 

“Yeah I came back because of the rain too-” 

“Yeah me too….” Seungcheol trailed off realising how silly he sounded. 

Grabbing his shirt from the floor, he attempted to put it on, groaning miserably at the pain shooting up his abdomen. Watching him struggle, you quickly dropped your things and tried to reach for him to help out, but just as your finger barely grazed over his skin, he stumbled back like he was electrocuted, pushing your hand away. 

“Don’t touch me.” 

“Cheol…. “ You frowned, confused. “I was just trying to help-” 

 “Seungcheol.” He corrected. “And I don’t need your help Y/n. Please just…. stay away from me.” 

You blinked at a complete loss of words at his unwarranted behaviour. Unsure about how you felt, you grabbed your bag from the floor, turned on your heel and walked out silently, the same way you came in. 

As usual, bad luck had followed you on your way out. 

Not only was your life miserable, the weather too decided to be a pain in your ass and it started drizzling the moment you stepped out of Seungcheol’s house. 

Even though the water was cold and you were shivering, you took off in the rain. You needed to get as far away from here as you could. 

You were such a fool. You should have known that Seungcheol wasn’t being nice or giving you your space, on the contrary he was keeping his distance, putting you at an arm’s length. It was evident today - not only was he uninterested, but somehow it seemed like your very presence was disturbing him in some way. 

And there was you who was always desperately wishing for the smallest interaction with him.. What an idiot. 

Hugging yourself, you walked further down the cobbled path. Tomorrow you were going to finalise your house plan with Mingyu and get out of Cheol’s house as soon as possible. But as much as you wanted to avoid him and pull yourself away, a part of you was still aching at the loss of something that you believed had a lot of potential. Why did it have to be him of all people? Why couldn’t it have been someone like Mingyu - he was hot as hell and unlike his leader, he actively showed interest in you all the time. 

As you raised your head, Mingyu’s house loomed before you and your feet, as if they had a brain of their own, took you towards his mini mansion of a residence. That was until you saw Jihoon stepping out of the same place and instinctively took a swift u-turn. 

The last person who could see you right now was Jihoon - that man would read you like an open book and know exactly how fucking embarrased you were. Hoping to god he didn’t spot you, you quickly ran, entering the nearest gate for temporary refuge, till you got out of his sight. 

But in hindsight, perhaps falling in Jihoon’s line of vision was better than the situation you had landed yourself in….. You weren’t really sure who’s house you had trespassed until the low growling expressed just how much his companion disliked it. 

Horang. 

Realising you had quite literally thrown yourself into the den of a wild cat, you froze, praying that it didn’t notice you and you could slip out as easily as you slipped in. But before you could do anything, a hand grabbed you quickly, leading you into the neighbouring cottage, shutting the door behind you. 

“Are you insane?” Soonyoung looked at you confused, shaking the water off his hair. “Why would you enter Horang’s enclosure unless you wanted to be ripped apart.” 

“I didn’t know….” You rubbed your arms, generating heat. “I was just….trying to escape the rain.” 

“You should have knocked on my door then..” He muttered, disappearing for a split second, returning with a towel in his hand. “Horang isn’t used to you yet so please don’t venture near my tiger in my absence - he only listens to me.” 

You tried not to hyperfixate on the inappropriate labeling of Horang in the off chance that an annoyed Soonyoung threw you back out. Instead, you accepted his towel, patting yourself dry, still shivering a little. With his hands on your shoulder, Soonyoung led you to the fireplace, guiding you to sit on the couch across. As you did, you glanced around his residence.

This was the first time you were in Soonyoung’s place and in all honesty, it looked much like that designated room in college dorms where all the parties happened - he had party lights everywhere, streamers hanging from the ceiling and techno music softly playing over the speakers. 

When you turned back to him, Soonyoung held out a christmas mug, with a grin. “Mulled wine.”

“I can’t.” You shook your head although in the headspace you were in, you could really use some alcohol. “I won’t be able to wake up on time tomorrow.” 

“It’s not like you’ll be on time even if you were sober.” He chuckled, immediately regretting his words as you narrowed your eyes at him. “You’re in the House of Dionysus. This is literally the only hot drink I have to offer.” 

Sighing you took it from him, desperate to have something warm coursing through your body after all that coldness you experienced earlier. 

“So, why are you out and about in the rain?” Soonyoung sank into the couch beside you, sipping a drink of his own. 

“I….just needed to be away from that house for a while.” You mumbled, taking a sip. 

“Why? Has Seungcheol gotten overbearing already?” 

“It’s not him….” 

“It’s always him.” Soonyoung sighed. “But it’s not his fault. He just has a lot of pressure on him to be perfect as a leader, you know? That sort of thing gets to you.” 

“I know. It’s just….. “ You sighed, not knowing how to explain things to him. “Forget it, I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“No, tell me.” He whined making you turn to him, finally noticing he was fully dressed from head to toe like he was about to march right into a party. 

“Are you going somewhere?” 

“Work?” Soonyoung stated like it was obvious. “Don’t tell me you forgot what I do.” 

You looked at him sheepishly. “I’ve been here for just a week Kwon and there’s thirteen of you so I’m sorry if it’s taking me some time.” 

“Forgiven.” He nodded amused. “I own the Midnight club in the city centre.” 

“Right, that big Demigod rave place.” 

“No, the Midnight club is for humans. There’s another club hidden behind it, After Hours - That’s for Demigods exclusively.” 

You let out an oh of realization as Soonyoung continued. 

“Business usually runs fine on its own but I try to drop by from time to time to just remind everyone who the boss is.” 

“I heard there’s a life size portrait of you behind the DJ booth to do the same.” 

“Obituaries are portraits too.” He rolled his eyes. “I need to let them know I am alive, kicking and always in charge.” 

You shook your head laughing. “Well then aren’t you getting late? You should probably leave by now-” 

“I don’t think I’m going.” He mumbled, downing his drink in one shot, red slowly creeping on his face. “Not in the mood.” 

Glancing at him silently, you just blinked at him. You knew guys like Soonyoung could not keep a thing in them - he would share whatever was bothering him without you even asking in three, two, on-

“The intel is that my ex is going to be there tonight.” 

“Ahh.” You crossed your feet on his couch, settling in. “And you don’t want to see her?” 

“I don’t want to see her with other men.” He gripped his mug tight. “With the news out that she’s single, guys will be falling all over her and I know she’s going to play along just to make me jealous.” 

“Well two can play that game right? You can do the same?” 

“What makes you think there are girls fawning all over me?” 

“Do you just want to hear me say you’re hot and that you could pull if you wanted to?” You cocked your head at him. “Cause I can. I have a little wine in me so I can use it as an excuse.” 

Soonyoung laughed, throwing his head back. “No I know I’m hot, but do you know who she is?” 

You shook your head, drinking up more. 

“Aphrodite’s daughter, the femme fatales of the demigod world - boys want her and girls don’t want to mess with her. No one is going to so much as look at her ex, forget trying to hit on me.” 

“Huh.” You pondered, the cogwheels in your brain turning. “Well technically, no one in the human world knows her so I’m sure one of them will-” 

“There’s no point of that. She knows I won’t go for a human.” 

“Why is that?” 

Soonyoung stared back at you a little hard before a small smirk formed on his face. “Y/n, are you a virgin?” 

You blinked, breaking out into a laugh. “I sure am drunk cause I seem to have missed why this intrusive question is relevant now?” 

Taking your empty mug from you, Soonyoung filled it up again from the pot. “What I mean is, demigods don’t sleep with humans sweetie.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because we’re half gods, do you think humans can really satisfy us?” Soonyoung raised his eyebrows. “Mortals can’t keep up with our sex drive.” 

As you looked confused, the smirk returned back to Soonyoung’ face. “Which is why I asked. If you haven’t realised that a mortal man can’t pleasure you, then either you’ve never had sex……. or you’ve never had an orgasm.” 

“I don’t have to answer that.” 

“Come on, humor me.” 

“Maybe I’m starting to get why your girlfriend dumped your annoying ass.” 

Soonyoung pouted, feigning hurt as you rolled your eyes. 

“So now if you want to get her back, you won’t be hit on by another demigod and you can’t be hit on by a human which means your only chance of making her jealous is with……” You looked at him intently. “Kwon Soonyoung, why are your eyes glimmering with mischief?” 

“You.” He took the cup from your hands and set it on the table, much to your dismay. “You’re the only one who she doesn’t know about and the only one who doesn’t know her…..” 

“So?” 

“Oh you’d be the perfect bait.” Soonyoung clapped his hands. “One look at you next to me and she’s going to be quaking in her boots.” 

“If you think I’m about to stroll into a nightclub and pretend to hit on you to make your ex girlfriend jealous you’re sorely mistaken.” 

“Why?” He whined. “Why can’t you do me a small favour. I saved you from Horong-” 

“Number one. If you didn’t pull me into your house, I would have ran out of the gate and been safe anyways-” 

“Sure.” 

“Number two, I don’t know what the hell is in this wine. Normally it takes a whole bottle to knock me down but two glasses in and I’m already buzzed-” 

“It’s a special blend.” 

“And number three, unfortunately for you, women are really observative creatures. One look at me next to you and she’s going to know there’s absolutely nothing going on between us.” 

Soonyoung opened and closed his mouth like he was thinking about what to say. “It won’t work out Kwon.” 

“This always happens.” He sighed. “She breaks it off with me for any small thing, goes on to have her fun, pushes me till I have to beg for her forgiveness and then she accepts it whenever she feels like. Everything is always whenever she feels like it. We haven’t even had sex in like two years-” 

“Okay.” You cut him off before he went into details you didn’t need to know. “If you’re so aware of what she’s doing, why do you always give in to her? Do you really like her or… is she just a habit?” 

“I don’t know.” Soonyoung stared at the floor, lost in thought. “I just know that we’ve been together since we were 18. And I can’t throw that away.” 

“I never knew you were such a romantic Kwon.” 

He laughed, sinking further into the couch. 

“You really want her back huh?” 

“I do.” 

“And this time do you want her to make the effort?” 

“A man can hope.” 

“Well then.” You turned to him. “Point number three was relevant only if she saw me…do you have your phone?” 

Soonyoung nodded, patting his many pockets and finally finding it, holding it out. 

“You're going to call and tell her you're hitting on me?”

“No…. If you give her a missed call will she call back?”

“Not immediately.” He sighed. “She'll take her time to pretend like she didn't see and then get back to me-” 

“Do it.” He continued to look at you confused. “Call her and cut the call.” 

He followed through but the frown didn't leave him the whole time. “Y/n what exactly are you doing?” 

“This may be a bit diabolical but it should do the trick.” You took a deep breath glancing at Soonyoung. “When she calls you back, she's going to hear us having sex.”

“W-what?” 

“Before you get any ideas, I'm not going to have sex with you Soonyoung, we're just going to make her think that we are.”

“How exactly will we do that?”

“We'll fake it.” You shrugged. “Make a couple of wet skin smacking sounds-” 

“and you could moan my name, say how good I'm making you feel.” 

“Didn’t you get onboard this real fast.” You narrowed your eyes at him. “I'm going to make it really clear once again that this is for her not-” 

Ring! 

At the sound of the ringtone both of you glanced at his phone and in a split second, Soonyoung picked up the call, holding it against his ear. Thankful that you got the opportunity to execute your idea so soon and determined to put up the show you promised, you immediately got to it, clearing your throat.

“Fuck yes Soonyoung, that feels so good-” 

With widened eyes and a swift movement, Soonyoung shut your mouth with his hand, shaking his head. 

“Yeah, yeah I remember…..Oh no that was just…. our cow?…..Yes Daisy, she's just having a rough night….. Anyways thanks for the reminder Hyungwon.”

You stared at him mortified, all the wine threatening to exit your system. 

“Yeah sure, see you tomorrow bro.”

Soonyoung brought down both the phone and his hand at the same time. 

“Oh god I’m so sorry, I thought it was-” 

“That’s your idea of having sex??” He looked at you shocked. “Thank god it wasn’t Mina because there was no way in hell she would have believed that?” 

“Hey, I had no preparation time, you try faking it off the bat.” You mumbled. “Besides, it wasn’t so bad.” 

“Wasn’t so bad?” Soonyoung looked scandalised. “Do you even know what you sounded like? Fuck yes Soonyoung, that feels good-” 

You leaned back inching away from him. 

“What the…..what was that?” 

“That's what you said.” 

“I know but” You frowned unsure if you heard right or if you were starting to get too drunk. “You sounded exactly like me. Like your voice, it….it was mine.” 

“Oh.” Soonyoung scratched the back of his head. “Yeah well um being the son of the God of Theater comes with its own skill set. Imitation helps confuse opponents during war - it has actually saved us in quests many times.”

“You can imitate anyone?”

Soonyoung nodded.

“Any sound they make?”

He nodded again as you let out a low whistle. 

“Well that's brilliant, then you don't even need me. You can make your girlfriend jealous by simply impersonating me.” 

“The keyword is imitate. I can only repeat sounds I hear, I can't just make them up.” He shifted in his seat. “So if I should impersonate you, I need to hear what you actually sound like during sex.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Don't push your luck Kwon.”

“I'm kidding.” He laughed leaning back into the couch, his eyes fluttering shut. “But you really have to work on the faking.” 

“Yeah I've been told.” You muttered as Soonyoung sat up again.

“Aha, so you have never had an orgasm!” 

“Because of a man, no I've not.” You confessed. “But bold of you to assume that I'm not perfectly capable of my own.”

Soonyoung looked confused. 

“Ever heard of masturbation, genius?” 

Soonyoung's mouth formed an O of realisation. “Well I've been in a relationship for almost 10 years so I've never had to take care of myself.”

“Don't rub it on my face Kwon.” You scoffed but regretted immediately knowing some dirty joke was going to come out of the man. So shutting his mouth with your hand, you held a finger to your lips. “Not a word. You're going to shut up till your girlfriend calls back.”

“That could be a very very long time.” He mumbled against your hand making you press it harder against his mouth with a shush. 

5 minutes later you were on your fourth mug of wine and Mina still hadn't called. 

10 minutes later, you were nearly falling asleep and Soonyoung was already snoring away beside you. 

15 minutes later the sound of the rain began to get softer outside. 

And 20 minutes later was when you finally lost your patience, shaking Soonyoung awake. 

“It’s getting late, I should go….” 

Soonyoung looked up at you sleepily as you got off the couch, standing up. 

“You should.….. I’m sorry, I shouldn't have roped you into this” He glanced at the blank screen on his phone. “Clearly Mina is either too busy having fun on her own or she doesn’t care.” 

You smiled at him sadly, as he pulled his feet up, snuggling into the couch. 

“I'm so sorry.” You whispered. “Goodnight Kwon.” 

“Goodnight sweetie.”

Setting the mug down, you grabbed your bag and opened his front door, relieved that the rain seemed to have stopped. But something was also stopping you from stepping out. 

Giving it a thought and sighing, you turned around, looking at the half asleep man again. 

“You said you could imitate me right?” 

Soonyoung's eyes slowly fluttered open.  

“So if you listen to how I actually sound, if and when she calls back, you can execute the plan on your own right?”

Soonyoung looked at you in a mix of confusion, drunkenness and sleepiness.

“Are you saying that…”

“No, I'm not going to sleep with you Kwon Soonyoung.”

“But you're horrible at faking.” 

“Yet again I'm going to remind you about masturbation.” 

You sighed, looking at his eternally lost expression. Grabbing his hand, you pulled him off the couch, leading him to his room. 

Soonyoung's room was just how you expected it to be - a mess. There were things scattered everywhere, all kinds of band posters up on the wall, snack wrappers all over the floor. 

He quickly kicked the trash under his bed and looked at you pleadingly. “You cannot tell Mingyu how messy my room is. And you most definitely cannot tell Seungcheol I'm snacking - he does not understand post break up slump.”

You gritted your teeth annoyed to be reminded of him again. Of course he didn't understand anything remotely related to feelings.

“Don't worry, no one's gonna know anything because you too are going to keep your mouth shut about whatever happens tonight.” 

“I still don't know what's happening tonight.” He mumbled as you walked around his room, glancing at everything. 

“I'm going to get myself off and you're going to listen and take notes.” Soonyoung's eyes finally widened in realisation.“Do you have a towel?” 

He nodded, quickly going through the stack of clothes piled on the chair across his bed and pulled out a long white one. Taking it from him you laid it down on his bed, the two of you staring at it mindlessly. 

“Could you also close the curtains?” You fidgeted with your fingers, putting your bag down at the foot of his bed as Soonyoung nodded. “Also dim the lights please.”

Following through your requests he tried not to look at you as you stripped out of your jacket and threw it on the bed. But when you unclasped your bra and pulled it out from under your shirt, Soonyoung was quite literally gawking. 

“I’m hot.” You mumbled as he walked back, standing much closer to you than he was before. 

“Yeah you are…. I mean,” He cleared his throat when you raised an eyebrow at him. “Yeah it's a little hot in here.” 

Both of you tried to ignore the sound of cold raining softly falling against the window. 

“On second thoughts,” You took a step back. “I don’t know if I can do this.” 

“W-why not?” 

“If you haven’t noticed I am buzzed as hell and I’m not sure I can do…. a great job on myself right now.” 

Lips slowly curling into a smile, Soonyoung cocked his head. “I can help.” 

“Yes and I can finally use all that combat training and kick your ass. Soonyoung I am not sleeping with-” 

“What? No, no I mean….. just wait here.” 

Your eyes followed him as he jogged out of his room, leaving you alone with your thoughts. You must be crazy to suggest this. Sure there was alcohol in your system and sure you were trying to get your mind off Seungcheol, avoiding going back to his house but this…..

“Here you go.” 

Soonyoung strolled back in with what you could only describe as a wooden looking, very phallic instrument. 

“That’s…” 

He nodded. “A dildo.” 

“I have so many questions.” 

“Let me clarify. Yes I have used a dildo before-” 

“Oh god.” 

“- Although my girlfriend isn’t the biggest fan of it-” 

“This wasn’t my question.” 

“-I do occasionally enjoy it myself.” 

“I don’t think I should be a part of this conversation.” 

“But this dildo in particular, has never been used by either of us before.” 

“That!” You pointed out. “That’s all I needed to know.” 

Soonyoung held it out to you, looking at you expectantly. You gulped. 

“You know, I don’t think I can do this. I’m actually more of a vibrator girl myself.” 

“Now who’s indulging in the TMI?” 

You rolled your eyes. “My point is, I don’t need this, I can just do it myself-” 

“I haven’t even gotten to the story behind this.” He giggled. “This is my father’s.” 

“Aaaand I’m done here.” 

“No what I mean is-” He shuffled closer to you like he was revealing a big secret. “My father may be the god of wine and ecstasy and madness and theatre and so many things but he is also…. the creator of the dildo.” You stared at him vacantly. What?? “I don’t think you wanna know the story behind it, it’s disturbing as fuck-” 

“More disturbing than everything so far?” 

“-but basically, a few years back, my father was temporarily exiled from Olympus and while he was in the human world, he had, what he calls, a magnificent business idea….sex toys. Dildo’s in particular. That’s when he made this.” He held it up and you wished he did it a little less proudly. “This isn’t an ordinary dildo Y/n, no. This baby can take on the shape, size, dimensions and every single tiny detail” He gave a dramatic pause. “Of the person you are imagining while going at it.”

“W-what?” You blinked at him stumped. “You mean to say it…. morphs into a replica of someone’s actual dick?” 

Soonyoung nodded fast. “This piece is a prototype that Dionysus made but when he brought the idea to Zeus it was shut down immediately because Gods aren’t supposed to interfere with human business and all that hoo ha, so he left it with me before he returned home.” With a small smile dancing on his lips, he held it out to you. “So if you want, it's all yours.” 

You stared at it. 

A magic dildo that could take the shape of any dick you wanted? 

You would have to be insane to say no to that. 

Pretending to hesitate just so you didn’t come across completely deranged, you slowly took the toy off Soonyoung’s hand, feeling the weight of it in your own. As you tried to picture how exactly this night might go, Soonyoung took a few steps back, grabbed a fistful of the material behind his neck and pulled his shirt over his head. 

“What?” He smirked as your eyes ran down his chiseled body, mouth moving but no words leaving it. “Didn’t you say it was hot?” 

As Soonyoung moved all the clothes stacked on the chair to the floor and sat down, you watched as the minor oversights in your plan came into play. If he had to take notes,  then Kwon Soonyoung was going to watch you. 

Tongue in the cheek, you glanced around the room, thanking all the gods in Olympus when you spotted a lacy blindfold hanging on the headboard. Without questioning its existence in his room, you quickly grabbed it and threw it at him.

“The deal was for audio Kwon, no visuals.” 

In complete contrast to his hot as fuck appearance he pouted like a child as you shook your head and looked at the blindfold pointedly. Sighing, he reached for it and put it over his eyes, tying it behind his hand. Not trusting him entirely, you walked up to him, slotting yourself between his legs and pulled the knot. Soonyoung’s hands gripped your thighs in both surprise and pain. 

“Sorry.” He mumbled, fingers softly grazing your legs as he pulled his hands away. “I promise, I can’t see a thing.” 

You nodded, then realised he said he couldn’t see and cleared your throat. “Yeah, okay.” 

“Okay.” He breathed, leaning back, waiting expectantly. 

Taking a few seconds, you let out a deep determined breath, preparing yourself for what was coming. As you unbuttoned your jeans, shimmying both your shorts and underwear down your legs, your eyes finally took a good look at the man of the hour, Kwon Soonyoung. Yeah he was one of the members who often trained shirtless which meant you had seen this display many times before but this was perhaps the first time you were actually paying attention to it. Before this, you hadn’t quite realised just how beautifully tanned and toned he was or how much that undercut suited him or how hot he looked biting his lower lip. 

Kicking your garments away, you pried your eyes, reminding yourself that this man was taken. Or at least would be taken again pretty soon. You shouldn’t do this. You shouldn’t be looking at him, you shouldn’t be thinking about him and he sure as fuck cannot be the inspiration for your new magic sex toy. 

That unfortunately meant that there was only one other person in your mind who could be the muse - Choi Seungcheol. Despite his dismissal earlier and despite being someone who held herself as a very high level of self respect, it was evident that your body shamelessly still craved him - he was the only one running in your mind. Trying to block him out, you arranged the pillows on Soonyoung’s bed against the headboard, adjusted the towel and slowly climbed on. In all the time that you took leaning against it, spreading your legs and settling in, Soonyoung remained incredibly quiet. Patient. 

Although he couldn’t see you, watching him felt weird, given the man and the dick on your mind were not him. Sighing, you glanced at the object you were gripping - it had already taken shape of what you desired and the sight of it made you gulp. 

Lord was Choi Seungcheol thick.

Given his beefy exterior and broad build you had always assumed he was packed between his legs but this was nowhere near what you were imagining, not even close. Earlier, you were worried how you would get yourself off when you weren’t even wet enough but now you were practically dripping with the thought of that inside you. Still, you didn’t think it could fit, not without any prep. 

Slipping two fingers in your mouth you wet them messily before guiding them to your folds, smearing the spit with your very evident arousal. When you let out a soft sigh, Soonyoung shifted in his seat like he was alert and when your fingers teased your hole, slowly slipping in, an unintentional moan left you too, making him practically grip the armrests of his couch tight. 

“I'm going to need more than that Y/n.” He whispered. “What are you doing right now?” 

“I’m prepping myself, it’s…” You gulped. “It’s too big.” 

“Do you need lube?” He frowned. “Although I don’t know where it is….or if I even have any-” 

“That’s okay.” You shook your head. “I think I’m wet enough. Almost.” 

“Do you need any help?” 

You glanced at his tense body. “How can you help?” 

“Are you the kind that listens to instructions?”

“Occasionally.” 

“Then push your fingers further.” He exhaled. “Curl them up.” 

Although that was what was on your mind anyways, you obeyed. As your fingers brushed that spot, a soft fuck escaped your lips. 

“Feel good?” 

“Yeah.” You nodded. “Yeah that’s good.”

“Then move.” He cocked his head. “Slowly at first, then pick up speed.” 

Even before he finished his sentence you had followed through, fingers pumping faster, head falling back as the grip around the dildo in your hand tightened. 

“Add another finger.” 

“This feels good enough.” 

“This will feel better.” He urged. “Stretch yourself a little and add another finger.” 

Scissoring yourself open, you held back the moan that was threatening to tumble out, terrified Soonyoung would hear you. Belatedly you realised - Soonyoung was supposed to hear you. 

“Fuck that does feel better.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Are you ready for more?” 

“.......I think so.” 

“Then wet the dildo.” He shifted. “Put it in your mouth.” 

Hesitating just a bit you brought it up to your eye level, still taken aback by its sheer girth. In the dim light of the lamp on the nightstand you can see a stark vein running along his length, the sight of it nearly making your mouth water. Oh you wanted him to fill your mouth, you wanted him to fill you just about anywhere so bad but it was clear from earlier that Seungcheol didn’t want the same. So you were just going to take this chance and fuck him out of your brain. After tonight you were not going to think of Choi Seungcheol anymore. 

Determined, you wrapped your mouth around the tip, humming against the weight on your tongue before pulling it out with a wet pop. As Soonyoung’s breath hitched, you sunk your mouth down on it again, taking it further in, not far enough to let it hit the back of your throat, but enough to just slightly choke around it, drool running down the corner of your mouth. 

“Y/n,” Soonyoung’s voice sounded almost choked too. “Please….” 

You’ve never had a man beg for you like this before and it wasn’t enough to touch him but to touch yourself? Something in you swelled in pride, but something was also terrified about what things would be like once this was over - could you and Soonyoung really be the same again? And if things were going to change, how would they be? 

“Sweetie, you have to do something….” 

Knowing you needed something in you more than he did, you drove the thoughts away before aligning the tip at your dripping hole and slowly pushing Seungcheol’s girth in. 

“Holy shit..” You sighed as you thrusted his length further, the stretch serving a sting that slowly ebbed from pain to pleasure. 

“Is it all the way in?” Soonyoung groaned as you shook your head gulping.

“It’s not…” You panted, glancing down to see barely any length disappearing in you yet you were so full. “I can’t.”

“You can.” He licked his drying lips. “You can Y/n, come on - fuck yourself like you want to be fucked.” 

Yes you knew Soonyoung had a horrible habit of pointless flirting but you did not think his mouth was capable of spewing such filth too. 

“Tell me how you like it.” 

“Deep.” You whimpered, answering him as you shoved it in more, feeling it hit all the right places. “I like it deep.” 

“And fast?” 

“And fast.” 

“Then move.” 

And you did, pulling it out, pistoning it into you, sharp intakes of breath and curse words leaving you as you did. You felt your eyes roll back, threatening to shut but when they landed on Soonyoung they widened - he had slid down his chair, manspread now a lot wider and stark against his pants was the imprint of his uncomfortably trapped boner.

“Soonyoung….” You accidentally moaned, simply trying to get his attention. “Are you… hard?” 

“Unbearably.” He confessed immediately. “I’m s-sorry, it’s been a while-” 

“Do you want to touch yourself?”

You don’t know why exactly you asked him that but you wanted him to feel good too. Just as good as faux Seungcheol was making you feel. 

“I think I can cum without that.” He half laughed, half groaned. “But god yes I want to.”

“Do it.” You directed him, halting your own movements, watching him. “Touch yourself.” 

Without wasting a second, Soonyoung instantly unbuttoned his pants and stuck his hand down, wrapping it around his erection. As he shifted uncomfortably, you could tell he would’ve felt a lot better if he could completely free himself.

“Careful. Otherwise I’ll see you…I mean it…” 

“Do you mind?” He raised his eyebrows at you. “Would it bother you if I….” 

If you were being honest, since the moment you laid eyes on the outline of his dick you were curious…

“No.” You shook your head. “I don’t.” 

“Then I don’t give a flying fuck.” 

He raised his hips a little, just enough to pull down his pants as his erection sprung free, resting against his abs, pink and flushed. 

Oh he was long. 

Seungcheol might be thick but Soonyoung was long, like he could reach places no one else could. As he spat in his hand and smeared the pre cum along his length pumping it in his fist, you gulped, forgetting that you too were in the middle of doing the same thing, just staring. 

“Y/n,” He moaned your name, throwing his head back, setting off a strange fire in your groin. “Match my pace.” 

You nodded, thankful to not have to put your own brain to this which was threatening to shut off any moment now. Watching him half lidded, you let him set the pace for your movements, matching him almost perfectly. 

“Fuck this feels so good.” Soonyoung whimpered. 

“It does.” You agreed, with struggling breaths. “Soonyoung please…. Faster.” 

“Faster?” He smirked, but listened. “You really are one of us huh.” 

“I need more.” You whined, feeling yourself at an edge you were just not able to cross. “Soonyoung….” 

“I wish I could help, baby.” He sighed, “I really do wish…” 

“What would you have done?” 

“I’d have my mouth everywhere…marked your neck…. marked those pretty breasts….fuck Y/n, you’d have to beg me to stop.” 

“Don’t.” You moaned, pushing your shirt up with your free hand, grabbing a tit, squeezing it painfully hard. “Tell me more…” 

“I’d hold the toy for you, watch you fuck yourself on it….” He stroked himself faster, almost erratically. “Maybe give it to you from the back so I can see how your ass-” 

Groaning annoyed at the sound of music coming loudly from his pocket, your movements faltered, eyes widening. It was different from the ringtone earlier which probably meant-

“Is that Mina?” 

“Yeah.” 

“P-pick it up Soonyoung.” 

“Ignore it.” 

“Soon-” 

“Ignore it.” He emphasized. “Go on Y/n, I don’t know how long the effects of that toy are going to last.” 

And that’s what made you stop wondering why Soonyoung wouldn’t pick up the call when this was in fact the most ideal situation the two of you were meant to be caught in. You didn’t want to lose what you were pumping inside you, you didn’t want to lose the feeling of Seungcheol stretching you out. As you resumed the pace, Soonyoung’s voice left him like a croak. 

“Do you like the thought of this? Someone listening to you get off?” 

You didn’t want to answer that. Wasn’t the kind of things you liked evident by the fact that you were fucking yourself to one man while watching and listening to another? 

“Because I love that you’re watching.” He whispered. “It’s driving me insane.” 

“I wanna see you cum.” You pulled the toy out of you, tossing it onto the towel before your fingers found your clit rubbing circles hard.

“Fuck I'm close.” He pumped himself faster, losing rhythm, broken moans and whimpers leaving him. “So close.”

Words left your mouth too as incoherent babbles as you felt your back arch and insides tighten pleasurably. Eyes crossing and shut tight, you finally came, chest heaving, trying to catch a breath. As you slowly came around and ran your fingers down your folds realising just how much you came, Soonyoung continued to push himself over the edge, like he just needed a little more nudge to finally find his release. Gulping you swung your legs off the bed and silently walked up to him, standing between his manspread, leaning till your lips were right by his ear. 

“Cum for me Soonyoung.” 

Almost immediately, with a guttural moan, his head fell back, baring his neck as spurts of cum shot onto his hand and torso, painting them white. Once the sheer amount left him he finally slumped back into his chair, breathing again, like he had been holding it in for too long. The sight of his cum all over his abs against the sheen of sweat on it made you clench unwillingly and you ran two fingers over it, collecting it. You knew his lips parted to catch his breath but you took the chance to slip your digits into his mouth, letting him taste himself. Surprised but not unpleasantly, Soonyoung ran his tongue along them, licking it clean, pulling away with a pop.

“You taste as good as you sound.” 

It's only then that you realise your own arousal was coating your fingers too. 

Scoffing awkwardly, you shuffled back, picking up your shorts and panties from the floor, putting them on slowly.  

“I'm not dressed yet!” You shrieked, futilely trying to cover yourself as Soonyoung attempted to remove his blindfold. Holding his hand up, he allowed you to get dressed in the silence that followed. Silence that was too much to bear, silence that if he hadn’t broken, you would have. 

“I wasn't sure if I heard right but I thought…” He let out a deep breath as he tucked his flaccid self back in his pants. “I thought you took someone's name as you came.” 

You froze. 

You hadn't realised but now that you thought about it…. maybe, just maybe, you had taken Seungcheol’s name as your orgasm hit you. Yes you were incredibly turned on by Soonyoung and the sight of him and the sounds that left him but there was only one thing running at the back of your mind - cheol, cheol, cheol. 

“I'm not sure what you heard.” You brushed away his concerns, trying to sound casual. “I don't even know what I was saying, I was in some other zone entirely.” 

Soonyoung hummed in response and didn't push you for any further details. Grateful, you wiped your hands on the towel laid out before grabbing it, the bedsheet as well as the dildo and stuffed them all in your bag, throwing it over your shoulder - this was your mess to deal with.

“You done?” 

“Yeah just….put fresh sheets please.” 

“Oh don't worry about all that.” He got up, attempting to take his blindfold yet again. “I got it. If you want you could-” 

“Goodbye Soonyoung.” You stepped back, knowing he was offering for you to stay the night. Instead you headed for the door, hoping to leave before your eyes met his again. “I hope I was of help.” 

And as you left, you heard him sigh, revealing something he probably didn't mean for you to hear. 

“I don't think so Y/n.”

—

When you left Soonyoung’s house the rain had stopped but as you stood in the dining hall before the laundry machines the storm had returned yet again, much heavier this time. You glanced outside the windows at the obscurity sighing. It was like things just hated being in your favour. 

When the ding of the washer went off, you shifted the sheets into the dryer and decided to leave it there for the night considering you couldn't carry them back in the rain - you’d deal with them in the morning anyways, you weren’t ready to see Soonyoung just yet.

When you grabbed your bag from the floor, the weight had not reduced much - the dildo was still in it except it was back in its original popsicle-like shape, any trace of its resemblance to Seungcheol lost. You'd simply washed it and put it back in the bag, unsure what else to do with it. A part of you was annoyed that it had taken after Seungcheol of all people but the other was terrified that if you were to ever use it again, it would probably still model after him yet again. 

Disappointed with yourself you took a deep breath and shook your head. No. No more Choi Seungcheol. This ends here. 

Glancing at the machines one last time, you held onto your bag and ran out into the rain, hoping that Seungcheol had retired to his room by the time you reached. Instead, just as you approached the House of Zeus, you heard his voice. 

“Y/n!” 

He was drenched from head to toe, his blonde hair sticking to his face much like his shirt plastered against his pecs, like he had been soaked in the rain for hours. Letting out a struggled breath, you walked straight into his house, ignoring him. Seungcheol jogged over as fast as he could, putting himself in between you and the doors. 

“Y/n please listen to me-” 

“I don’t want to.” You attempted to go around him, only to be blocked by him again. 

“I just want to explain what happened earlier-” 

“I don’t care enough for an explanation.”

“I do!” 

You rolled your eyes as you pushed him away, a lot less gently than you intended to and Seungcheol immediately caught your hand, pulling you towards him.

“Seungcheol-” 

“You…. you can touch me.” He looked at his fingers wrapped around your wrist in awe, then at your palm flat against his chest.

“Didn’t you say you didn’t want me to-” 

“You shouldn’t be able to.” He muttered like he was amazed, unable to tear his eyes away. “How can you….” 

“Seungcheol, you're not making any sense.” 

He let out a deep breath. “In all the powers a demigod has, some are protective, acting like a shield."

"Okay..." You frowned.

“As the son of Zeus, mine is….a force field.” Oh. “At times like war, or in adrenaline driven situations, I become highly charged, rendering anyone who so much as comes two feet near me electrocuted. It's supposed to be a way to weaken enemies.” He sighed, “That’s why I was afraid of you touching me. I didn’t want you to get hurt.” 

“But…..Seungcheol I’m not an enemy and this isn’t a war-” 

“I get nervous around you.” He avoided your eye. “I don’t know, I just….. I can feel my skin prickling around you but……” He glanced at where your hands met his again. “You don’t feel anything?” 

“No, no I don’t but why do I make you nervous?” 

Seungcheol smiled softly. “Do you really not know?” 

You suppressed the grin forming on your own face. Fucking finally. 

“No.” You shook your head feigning innocence. “Tell me.” 

“Can I show you?” 

Maybe you nodded a bit too eagerly, because Seungcheol chuckled, pushing himself up against the door, pulling you along with him. As your body pressed against his, his hands found your waist, gaze darkening. He leaned in, lips hovering over yours, whispering your name softly, like he loved the sound of it. As your breaths mingled, lightning went off behind you, the silver light illuminating his gorgeous face and all its sharp angles. And just as you moved closer, eyes fluttering shut, Seungcheol cleared his throat. 

“Y/n I’m sorry, I forgot that it’s late and we have training at 4 tomorrow.” He muttered, drawing his hands away. “You should sleep. I can’t excuse your lateness everyday.” 

And yet again Choi Seungcheol left you completely baffled as he opened the door behind him and walked in, away from you. 

Next Chapter

a/n - please send me your thoughts - this kind of writing is waaaay out of my comfort zone, I need to know I'm not completely messing shit up and if I missed you in the taglist, please lmk!

[bidisasterevankinard]

Fuck it Friday

Guess, who's back? enemies to lovers singers au!!! snippet which goes right before the very first scene I wrote for this fic Buck and Lucy bestiesm is that we all need for life (yes, I ship platonic Luck)

Buck is barely able to open his eyes, hating with all his soul the person who decided it’s fun to call him too early. Quick time check tells him it’s almost midday, but he went to sleep at 4 in the morning being caught up in the book about Greek culture he found to give more facts to Chris as the boy was getting interested in this topic recently.

“Lucy, I love you, but right now I plan the worst and most painful ways to kill you,” Buck's hoarse and grumpy voice doesn’t cause a loud laugh from the blonde, which always happens when Lucy calls him to irritate him a little.

“Buck,” Lucy’s voice sounds awful. Like she is almost crying.  Lucy never sounds like it. She is the strongest and sassiest person Buck knows, which was the reason he chose her as his manager the moment 118 found him. “Buck, there’s no way to sugar coat it for you,” Lucy takes a little pause and breaks Buck’s heart, knocking all the air out of his lungs. “Your asshole ex just outed you to the world. He made a big YouTube video about how he dated the new big pop star and heartthrob, Buck Buckley, showed a bunch of your photos with him, photos where you two kiss under mistletoe on the evening we met, for example. He also tried to make you look like an ignorant jerk who broke up with him because you got super popular and rich, conveniently forgetting to say how you lived almost for a year in Texas after your breakup and went viral only after this year,” Lucy speaks with such an anger Buck can’t help but feel how tears runs his cheeks, because Lucy is so protective over him, not just his career. 

“He posted it last night and now it is trending everywhere. I’m sorry. I know you weren't ready to be out to the world. Hell, some of the people close to you don't know because you prefer not to come out. There’s nothing we can do now. Except try to control the fallout,” Lucy sounds so genuinely sad and caring and Buck just cries more, not even knowing what he can say to her. “Hen and I are going to have the meeting today later, Bobby will be here too. But you stay at home and go full close up. Do not answer your phone if you don’t know the number. Do not go anywhere. I’ll call you later. Maddie will come soon to check on you,” Buck hums in the sight that he understood, not that he would even try to do it anyway, he feels like he was put under concrete, crushing him to the ground and preventing him from breathing. Lucy ends the call, but Buck can’t move.

He holds the phone near his ear looking, almost without blinking, at the white ceiling of his house and tries to understand what has he done to Ian, except not staying after he found out this jerk was fucking with his best friend, behind Buck’s back.

tagging @wikiangela @wildlife4life @watchyourbuck @rainbow-nerdss @rogerzsteven @ronordmann @exhuastedpigeon @evanbegins @elvensorceress @eddiebabygirldiaz @thewolvesof1998 @theotherbuckley @transboybuckley @underwater-ninja-13 @pirrusstuff @aspecbuddie @anakinfallen @spaceprincessem @spotsandsocks @spagheddiediaz @devirnis @daffi-990 @fortheloveofbuddie @giddyupbuck @heartshapedvows @honestlydarkprincess @honestlyeddie @hoodie-buck @housewifebuck @hippolotamus @jeeyuns @jesuisici33 @jobairdxx @jamespearce9-1-1 @lover-of-mine @ladydorian05 @loserdiaz @callmenewbie @cowboybuckleys @bigfootsmom @bekkachaos @buddierights @nmcggg @mandzuking17 @monsterrae1 @malewifediaz @elvensorceress @andrewblur @911onabc @caroandcats

[hubristicassholefight]

Swordswoman Showdown Semifinals

Xena (Xena: Warrior Princess) vs Camilla Hect (The Locked Tomb)

(Better here in a "preferred character" sense, not "who would win in a fight")

Camilla art by @friendamedes, used with permission

Propaganda below cut

Xena

Xena

Warrior Princess

She wields a sword and chakram. Just had to submit a biconic swordswoman.

i love her. she made me gay as a kid. Anyway, her weapon of choice is her sword, she is obviously very good with it

#unfortunately i have to choose and i have to choose xena#a) utena had no warcry. b) xena fought gods. c) xena has kickass goofy comic book combat which is my favorite

xena didn’t just fight gods. she fucked up a girl’s life so bad that she (calisto) devoted her entire being to destroying everything that xena loved that ended up with calisto becoming a god in order to destroy xena, which didnt work because xena entombed her in lava. and then when xena and gabrielle encountered calisto in the (christian) afterlife (different from the greek one which they also fought her in), calisto dragged gabrielle to hell so xena became an archangel in order to save gabrielle and then sacrificed herself in order to undo all the harm that she did in calisto’s life and then when not!jesus (played by timothy omundson) revives xena and gabrielle, calisto impregnates xena with the reincarnation of calisto’s soul in order to end the cycle of hate. xena doesnt just fight gods. she creates and destroys them

#this isnt even mentioning her fighting julius ceasar several times#telling brutus that caesar is not his friend#xena and gabrielle’s souls reincarnating across centuries in order to kick ass and fall in love all over again#or the time xena became a god but tbh that ep is kinda ‘uhhhhh…..’ even if they did hire a consultant for it

#I think everyone here knows to vote for Xena. I think a couple people here might have some propaganda for Xena saved already#everyone remember that Xena/Gabrielle is CANON and that's a pretty big deal also#(does anyone have that Xena Loves Trans People interview around because that would also make good propaganda)

I love Xena ❤️ 😍 💖 ❣️

Cam

trained w a rapier & knives. practical. handsome. extremely efficient and capable.; she’s my boyfriend and I love her. Please vote for cam she is my life

Gideon Nav uses one very large sword in defiance of the expectation that a cavalier should use a rapier, but Camilla Hect instead uses two. Just as much defiance of social expectation, twice as many blades. The reveal of her specific brand of swordiness is the heart of one of the book's most iconic lines: "Cam? Go loud."; In the spirit of the laconic charm of the Warden's Hand I will simply say "Camilla's competent."

She prefers two short swords but has been know to wield a rapier and other such bladder instruments; She also loves to organize spreadsheets

Go loud.

[dootznbootz]

Im going to be so so so so so so so so so so soooo fucking for real. I hate Circe x Scylla with every FIBER every INCH OF MY BEING

Why? Because it's honestly victim x abuser

Ik we all like our toxic yuri, but let me out it this way: There are two main versions of Scylla's myth, that is, where Scylla is turned into a monster.

In one, she's turned into a monster by Circe for rejecting Glaukos. Which- She literally got her entire life TAKEN AWAY BY CIRCE because she rejected some dude she didn't like. And that Circe happened to like

Scylla didn't do anything wrong, that's just Circe being a bitch

And in another one, she runs away from Glaukos when he tried to charm her. And yadaya he went to Circe to ask for a potion to charm Scylla. Circe thought the gods wouldn't like something like that (idk that's what happened in the myth. But we all know our Greek mythology so this is kinda weird-) and offered to be Glaucus's lover instead. When he refused her, she got so angry and jealous she turned innocent Scylla into a monster.

SHE TOOK SCYLLA'S WHOLE LIFE AWAY BECAUSE SHE WAS PETTY 😭😭😭😭😭😭

And NO Circe book, Circe didn't feel sorry about it.

I love Circe so much, like so much, but Scylla deserves someone so much better. Justice for Scylla I feel so bad for her. Girl rejects a guy she didn't like, and then gets morphed into a man eating monster

And also, ama need people to stop trying to put all the blame on glaucus and trying to justify Circe's actions. Just please acknowledge your "girl's girl girlboss doesn't need no man feminist icon" is actually a really terrible person. Shipping Circe with Scylla is like shipping Hera with one of the innocent women she killed for sleeping with Zeus (even though they didn't have a choice most of the time), it's literally just so ehh for me

And I'm not here to hate on anyone who likes the ship, but me personally? I hate it so much bro

Oh, I absolutely get where you're coming from. In general, when it comes to "toxic ships", it'll always be so much fascinating to me to just have them fucking hate each other. No romance or attraction and/or "hate-fucking".

I can understand the appeal of toxic yuri in a way (I've always preferred yuri in general over yaoi lol) but like, I think it's juicier even to have that visceral fucking hatred. Especially from Scylla's end. And even then, Circe talks mad shit about Scylla in the Odyssey.

In there lives Scylla. She has a dreadful yelp. It’s true her voice sounds like a new-born pup, but she’s a vicious beast. No mortal man would feel good seeing her, nor would a god who crossed her path. She has a dozen feet, all deformed, six enormously long necks,      with a horrific head on each of them, and three rows of teeth packed close together, full of murky death. Her lower body she keeps in her hollow cave, out of sight, but sticks her heads outside the fearful hole, and fishes there, scouring around the rock for dolphins, swordfish, or some bigger prey, whatever she can seize of all those beasts moaning Amphitrite keeps nourishing in numbers past all counting. No sailors                 yet can boast they and their ship sailed past her without disaster. Each of Scylla’s heads carries off a man, snatching him away                         right off the dark-prowed ship. [...] Why won’t you yield to the immortal gods? She’s not human, but a destroyer who will never die— fearful, difficult, and fierce—not someone                you can fight. There’s no defence against her. The bravest thing to do is run away.                              If you linger by the cliff to arm yourself, I fear she’ll jump out once more, attack you with all her heads and snatch away six men, just as before. Row on quickly past her, as hard as you can go. Send out a call to Crataiis, her mother, who bore her to menace human beings. She’ll restrain her— Scylla’s heads won’t lash out at you again.     

(Book 12, Johnston)

(I think it's interesting how Circe yells at Odysseus about how he won't yield to immortal gods but that's a bit outta context AND an entirely differently thing.)

It's kind of a curious thing in which Circe seems to imply that Scylla was BORN as a monster based on how she mentions Scylla's "mom". I don't know if this is just "Homeric version" of the myth or what but it's something neat to think about.

And honestly? My Circe, being the wacky potion making scientist gal I have her as, would probably be even more of a bitch in how "ooooo experiment time." only to realize "Oh wait, I made her too scary and TOO powerful. hm. nevermind. Not going near her."

With Circe and shipping, idk, I've always felt like she'd be like "messy". It's not that she's not capable of love, I think she's just like, so much of a "I do whatever the fuck I want" that she probably wouldn't really respect her partner's boundaries. She's like Maureen from "Rent" and/or PotC's Calypso where the only reason why she didn't see Davy Jones after he waited was "It's in my Nature".

In which she's just like "Look you either want me as I am, meaning I do whatever the fuck I want, OR you leave."

Like she loves, but she's not like, a ride or die partner. (I mean Odysseus was an experiment to her, as that's how she views mortals in my stuff. She thinks Mortals are kind of gross. She only has sex with him once because of this.) She's FwB with Hermes in my stuff as well, as yeah, Gods are less "gross".

Honestly, I think if people wanna ship Scylla with someone, I think Caribbidis would be fun?? Monster Wives??? (HOT) Both were cursed, they're close to each other, etc. Like, idk how much sentience Caribidis has, being a giant fucking mouth, but idk. maybe they could chat and bond?? even just as friends.

[jasper-pagan-witch]

Hehe. more!

What's your favorite video game? What about show? And movie? And on each, what makes it your favorite?

What are some blogs you'd suggest to people that are kinda like yours?

When did you get into The Elder Scrolls? What about Magic the Gathering?

How often do you typically practice magic?

Optional additional question because it is a bit loaded and not everyone wants to answer something like this: What's your most hated discourse in the pagan/witchy community? It can be valid or kinda just ridiculous, your choice.

You are feeding me and I love that.

What's your favorite video game? What about show? And movie? And on each, what makes it your favorite?

O...only one? I like a lot of video games...but honestly I can't get over how fucking funny the Monster Hunter series is. Like yeah, random person, go fight some fucking monsters. Take up to two cats with you. Here's a giant sword or a gun. Godspeed.

As for show and movie, uh...I don't...watch a lot of things, admittedly. I prefer to just turn on YouTube videos in the background instead of a show or movie. But if I had to pick, I'd pick Robin Hood: Men in Tights for movie and Legends of Chima for show. If you've seen the fights I've been picking on my main blog, I hope they've been entertaining.

What are some blogs you'd suggest to people that are kinda like yours?

*cackles* Time to summon the friends and the people I follow.

@windvexer - Out here doing the most when it comes to musing on ways to take things from witchcraft 102 to witchcraft 207. A bunch of their posts about divination have taught me more about how to read tarot better.

@stormwaterwitch - Hey kids, do you like seeing someone else's fully-developed elemental system? Do you like deities? Do you like books? My dear friend does it all!

@lazywitchling - DIY galore. As someone who enjoys putting things together, I also enjoy seeing her stuff too!

@sewceress - *grabs you* If you have ever thought too long about astrology, planetary magic, and stuff like that, you will enjoy this blog. That's a threat.

@aesethewitch - If you think it's neat how I can drag people for filth with a single card, you will enjoy Aese doing the same thing on their blog. This is also a threat.

@the-weaving-cryptid - If you enjoy region-specific magic and are interested in Appalachia, give Runa a look!

@strixhaven-study-hall - My dear friend Faust who is on that MTG pop culture shit with me. I need to bother him more, actually. And so should all of you.

@fernthewhimsical - Like with the note on Runa, Fern is big into regional stuff - specifically, Dutch paganism. Fae has all kind of cool posts and shit, I've greatly enjoyed chatting with them.

@creature-wizard - Do you like when I drop twenty-seven source links in one posts? Would you like better critical thinking skills about the bullshit that appears in online religious and occult and witchy spaces? Check out this blog. Particularly their stuff on the New Age to Alt-Right pipeline.

@crimsonsongbird - A fellow follower of Greek deities with some of the most beautiful and heart-wrenching devotionals I've ever read. She's also designed spells based on my OCs in the past!!! They're very neat (both Crimson and the spells).

@will-o-the-witch - Another wonderful reader and a Jewitch. Incredibly easy to chat with through the ask box!

@stagkingswife - Another fun blog to follow if you're interested in folklore or seeing someone who's really comfortable in her path! I enjoy learning about their unrecorded pantheon (which is different from a constructed pantheon, I must stress).

@breelandwalker - The author of what is hands-down my favorite book on witchcraft ever, Grovedaughter Witchery. If you enjoy actual history, debunking misinformation, and beginner-friendly posts (they have a whole advice page for beginners!), then Bree is a good blog to follow.

I think I'm running out of the ability to tag blogs, so I'll pause here. But I follow or am mutuals with all kinds of really cool folks here on Tumblr!

When did you get into The Elder Scrolls? What about Magic the Gathering?

I started playing Oblivion on my biological father's PS3 before Skyrim came out when I was a youngin (I'm gonna say around the age of 9?) and just kind of. Kept with it.

Meanwhile, I finally got into MTG in 2016, when the Shadows Over Innistrad and Eldritch Moon sets came out. My first ever deck was the Blue-Red precon, Dangerous Knowledge. And I hated it. This was before I figured out how to make Blue work for me. The first deck I ever built was a Red-Green Wolf and Werewolf deck, and I still have it to this day - it's my most powerful deck besides maybe my monoBlack Rat deck.

How often do you typically practice magic?

It depends. When I'm in my fallow period, it's literally nothing. Once I'm out, it could be anywhere between "for my entire waking day" to "like, five minutes" to "I have not done anything magical in two weeks". I am inconsistent as fuuuuuck!

Optional additional question because it is a bit loaded and not everyone wants to answer something like this: What's your most hated discourse in the pagan/witchy community? It can be valid or kinda just ridiculous, your choice.

I am biased on account of being a pop culture practitioner, but the "is pop culture magic/paganism valid or not" question that keeps rolling back around every now and again is stupid. We're all magical practitioners and/or religious folks. We are at equal levels of verification, which is "basically none to someone skeptical enough".

There are actual, genuinely good concerns that can be talked about in pop culture magic/paganism, but everyone keeps focusing on "it's faker than our shit lmaooo" instead of discussing things like copyright or capitalism. And even when people bring that up, it's almost always as an addendum to people saying that our shit isn't valid because it comes from a piece of media instead of cultural stories or history. It's like "damn, you're already biased, so I'm not going to listen to your points because you stink", you know?

Anyway, thank you for sending all of these in!

~Jasper

[swimmingclass1978]

About me (it pretty late but what ever) :

- so my name is Ariel / Ane 😃

-im a minor if i ever follow your page and you have some nsfw content then dw it was either an accident or i followed you bc of some regular looking post

-your honor im just a silly guy when it comes to the ghostface mask on women (or particualarly hot men)

-im so desperate for a girlfriend its not even funny

-loyal to one mutal and the other one is low key just there lol

- james/remus/barty kinnes im waiting please notice me

-this is basically a call for help lol

-a hellenic pagan but its new so let me be, no convering christians allowed

-Lady Hecate devotee❤️

-slytherin/ravenclaw but if i like you then im giving kinda griffindor energy? Tho i get tired easily and my social battery is lasting max of an hour, in the end of the day im a slytherin bro all the creepy shit i know is proving it

-I'm fine with any pronouns really but mostly he/she, they is also great but she has a special place in my heart even tho i hate it sometimes and he makes me want to scream and giggle

-so im a girl kisser and ace but i don't think i would date amab people. Its nothing personal just my preference but it also depends. (Idk why i put it here its kind of personal need for me to say)

-my favourite colour is green, but like deep green or like dead green not neon green and i also love deep red and black OH AND PURPLE BECAUSE I SAW A DORCAS FANART IN PURPLR AND OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

-im a yapper here but irl i don't talk much

-i love love LOVE true crime, canibalism and necrophilia like if you ever gonna ask me how bodies decompose and then listen to me yap im gonna marry you without questions, with the respect to all the victims and their close ones. no one should have been harmed,

-my natice language is polish but i also speak english tho its not as good as i wish it would be. Im also learning spanish (DO NOT ASK ME ANYTHING IN SPANISH ITS SHIT) and im learning latin on duolingo (i blame donna tartt). I also took german for 2 years (can count to three) and japanise for a year (can onlu introduce myself)

-im obsessed with collecting little animal figures/plushies and giving them names????

-i love reading and all the crafty things like painting, drawing and diy and id love to learn book binding one day even if my printer doesn't agree with me (update: i've binded my own fic it went at least bad)

-im also a poet and a writer so i suffer from creativity more times then id like to but i unfortunatelly love it all too much 😔 i don't publish my poems bc i fear they are not very good but i wish to be a published book author one day

-if you are a hater or use any of these tags: anti <character/ship name> or pro <character/ship name> or you are a canon fanatic who can't stand people having fun then dni bcz i dont want any of your toxic bs on my blog or in my dms/asks thank you very much

- if you want to share you homo/transphobic bs then get out and never come back

-adhd

-im a sucker for good no voldy hogwarts jegulus aus tbh, amd anything that contains slytherin skittles or black brothers/sisters, i love them

-i'm an attention seeking whore when it comes to comments under my ao3 fics im not joking when i say this

-classic literature enthusiastist and Balladyna lover literalnie to moja zona wdym ze ona nie zyje? Zyje w moim sercu

-i hate waking up but i love staying up all night we exist

- jestem na humanie i imo to widać, bo ostatnio zapomniałam jak obsługuje się pierwiastki. Nie wiem też co autor miał na myśli więc chyba jestem w piździe everybody

-DMS ARE OPEN IF YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS OR TALK LOL

Fandoms:

-marauders - ao3 hates to see me coming

- percy jackson

-greek mythology

-twilight

-good omens, i love them but considering things that have been happening then i dont think we will be getting seson 3 anytime soon :((( (update: nail count your fucking days and pray i won't finf out where you live)

-the poppy war thrilogy (started reading age 9 and kinda reggret it but happily it didn't caused me as much of my mental health as i thought) (dont repeat my mistake tho) (i'm weird now)

- bsd but i cant remember all the names yet I know whats going on so its fine

-TPN in every daydreaming sesion i gotta do an au someone as the main 3 its an addiction to amgst at this point. Also im making a petition on recreating season 2 so it will follow the manga

-The secret history and dps my friends hate me in atumn because of those two

-LAPVONE I LOVE IT

-low key papierz polak aż trudno uwierzyć, że polski fandom się nie poddał po 2021

-WIELKI PROSTRACJA BELIVER JAKBY PROSZE WAS GŁOSOWAŁABYM NA NIĄ W WYBORACH PREZYDECKICH 🧍🗣

FAVE MUSIC ARTISTS/BANDS: Mitski, Dawid Podsiadło, Radiohead, Gigi Perez, billie eilish, tv girl, i fear that a bit tyler the creator and chldlish gambino since its winter again (i only listen to him in winter???), the hazbin hotel soumdtrack....?, CZAPEL ROAWR 🗣🗣🗣🦅🦅🦅🦖🦖🦖

FAVE FILMS/BOOKS/BOOK SERIES': Dead Poets Society (book and the movie), 10 things i hate about you, Chłopi (movie and the book), song of the achilles, illiad, lapvona, seven hisbands of evelyn hugo, balladyna kochana moja, prolly more idk its late now,

FAVE CELEBRITIES: Timothy Chalalamele, ATJ, maciej have to, doda, anne hatherway(?), gosia (matka z rodzinki.pl), chapel roar, jezu no nie wiem ethan i andy,

HOBBY: drawing, painting, reading, writing, crocheting, diy, watching edits, baking & cooking, listening to podcast, thrifting, collrcting random items, talking to myself, reading fanfiction and probably more but i forgot, cóż mogę rzec, no człowiek wielu talentów

Current body count: seven kids in my basement, three burried in my garden (i do not have a garden)

I can be very funny believe me 🙏🙏🙏

Im also a charlie kirk hater and a feminist full of hatered (i will judge)

I do not know math but my esseys and creative writing works are amazing (at least i've heard) (from my mama 😃)

Kins: Regulus; Sirius low key but its pretty minor (i wanna be him); Pandora; sometimes Barty?; dorcas AND marlene (i dunno how bro it just happened) (pick your favourite gay)

Im happily married to jegulus twilight au with reg as bella that got abandoned in february 2024 (UPDATE: one chapter was added a month ago we are so back) and to a demon james/human regulus au that is still ongoing but id let it tear me appart and i would apologise to the author( im talking about The Devil Tastes Devine by TheBiButterfly on ao3 (it has me in a chokehold tbh)) and to OTB by @solmussa (hi *shy*)

Ships: jeggy, wolfstar, dorlene, pandlily, marlily, emmary, rosekiller, bartylus, pancas, marylane, lilylane, any marauder lesbians, nobleflower, quillkiller, teddromeda, poppy x minnie (i forgot their ship name), evanreg, jarty, kinda rosekiller + lily, rosestarkillerchaser(any variant of them really), moonwater, percybeth(is that their ship name?), solangelo, (shin)soukoku, any legal lesbian ship thb, i also liked jily in the past but the toxic shippers ruined it for me :( i still love her tho thats my wifey

My ao3 fanfic:

there is a light, i feel it in me: COMPLETE, black brothers angst, jegulus, wolfstar +more, trauma healing, angst/fluff, everything pandora and barty are doing is great i do not make the rules

there is no time; we are all gonna die: black cousins angst, Narcissa Black Centric, no beta we die like the blacks, hurt/no comfort, basically idgaf if you dont like the characterisation im just being realistic

The Sun and It's Star: JEGULUS TWILIGHT AU (its back), Regulus + Black Sisters + Nymphadora are wizards/witches, James is a vampire, not so twilight but its twilight?(you'll read, you'll find out), black brothers angst, trans regulus black, Wallys A+ parenting style, disabled Regulus Black,

Face reveal (bros gonna be blinded by the face card frfr):

Im also a proud owner of this justin biber ahh haircut I thought it was a wonderfull idea few months back and i do feel the best in my skin i've ever felt since my dysphoria went almost 2lvl down but no one want to talk to me at school now i think its not very nice of them tbh im a great person sometimes

Thats all lol have a good time or whatever

[voluptuarian]

Who the fuck is Heracles?: Greek myths, Roman names, and American media in the Heracles vs. Hercules dilemma

So I regularly see people complaining about and/or ridiculing media (tv, movies, books, usually American) where Heracles, despite being represented in the Greek stories and with the Greek pantheon, is referred to by Hercules, his Roman name. The biggest target I see getting flack for this is the Disney movie and frequently people assume a story using the Roman name implies the creator's ignorance about mythology in general. I wish I could tell you all that it was that simple... sadly I can't. What I can tell you is that somehow, the name-form Hercules has predominated so entirely in the English-speaking world that that is pretty much the only version used in America, period. I would hazard that the majority of Americans, despite knowing who Hercules is, would be confused if asked about Heracles. People who recognize Heracles know something about Greek history or mythology-- if you don't know Hercules however, you live under a rock. Even I, a devoted mythology, history, and etymology fan generally refer to him as Hercules.

(I would assume this is also common outside of the US but I have nowhere near the knowledge base to confirm that one way or another-- feel free to chime in if you do.)

Now none of this has been academically researched-- I frankly do not have the energy to do an entire bottom-up deep dive on this, even if I might have the time-- but from the myriad threads of random knowledge I do have, I think I've been able to figure out HOW this situation started and WHY it's persisted so stubbornly.

To start out, after the re-popularizing of classical culture and myth in the Renaissance and on through the 18th and early 19th centuries, Europeans seem to have overwhelmingly referred to the Greek and Roman mythological figures by their Latin names, even if they were referring to Greek stories or a combination of the two. I see references to Jove, Jupiter, and Juno much more frequently than to Zeus and Hera, and Minerva more often than Athena; Diane de Portiers of course was literally named for a Roman goddess, and it was Diana who she was repeatedly painted as. Even before the Renaissance and neo-platonism, when gods appear, Latin names seem to be the standard-- Venus and Mars are not infrequently brought up in medieval literature, but I have yet to see Aphrodite and Ares (I assume the preference for Latin names is from Catholicism helping make Latin the scholarly language, not Greek? Or maybe it's tied to the planetary/scientific names? idk). The figures who I see getting called by Greek names seem to be more minor ones (I see Hebe much more often than I do Juventas), are being referred to by an epithet (Cynthia or Phoebus, for instance) or did not have a corresponding Roman figure, like Apollo, who the Romans just adopted whole cloth. (Hermes seems to be used at least as often as Mercury, which I can only assume is due to the popularity of Hermeticism.) Hercules, who for some reason appears to have been one of, if not the most popular Greek hero in the early modern period and on (why?? again, I don't know; maybe because the labors made for good art concepts? Maybe because Roman emperors had play-acted as him and so many figures were supposed to be his descendants?) is similarly mostly called by his Roman name. The continuing popularity of using classical figures in literature and allegory, especially in political image-making, helped keep those trends going for centuries, and the Roman terms seem to continue to be the most popular into the 1800s.

At some point however, that switched. Across the board I think westerners now and at least Americans are much more familiar with the Greek gods and myths. (Or at least Greek myths as funneled through fucking Ovid. Does he deserve my hate? Unsure. Do I hate him regardless? Yes.) Odysseus is more recognizable here than Ulysses, and Jupiter, Neptune, Juno, and Pluto have lost out against Zeus, Poseidon, Hera, and Hades. Many Americans mistakenly believe the Roman gods were just entirely copied from the Greeks and know next to nothing about original Roman deities or the differences between Roman and Greek analogs. Now-- when exactly did this shift happen? 🤷‍♀️ Why did it happen? 🤷‍♀️ Above my pay grade. What I DO know is that somehow Hercules doesn't get picked up in this changeover when pretty much everybody else does.

So WHAT was going on to keep the Latin name stuck in the public mind? Strongmen.

For those not in the know, strongmen (and women) were part-athlete, part-bodybuilder entertainers who became popular stars in the Victorian period. They combined the emphasis on physical strength focused on by modern weightlifters with a gradually increasing emphasis on physique that became bodybuilding later. These strongwomen and men frequently used Greco-Roman-inspired professional names-- Cyclops, Vulcana, Charmion, Atlas, etc. Annnnd a bunch of them used the name Hercules. There was Katie Sandwina, the "Lady Hercules," William Bankier, known as "Apollo, the Scottish Hercules," the McCann brothers "Hercules" and "Samson," and John "Herkul" Grün. Even when they weren't going by the name Hercules, they were often billed as "a Hercules," as if Hercules was a byword for strongman. (Pretty sure Samsons and Goliaths got thrown around that way too, but Hercules seems to have been the most popular.) These stars also frequently performed and/or did promotional work inspired by or imitating Hercules (Maurice Dériaz and Eugen Sandow even modeled for artists as Hercules.)

(And here's Dériaz in the aforementioned role of Hercules. Obviously I know who he is because of strictly scholarly reasons and not because I saw this painting once and was intrigued by those incredibly lush pectorals. Banish the thought.)

By the 30s the "strongmen" were gradually beginning to split into athlete vs. entertainer categories and these theatrical professional names were phasing out.

But bodybuilders were still big, and were only going to get more deeply entrenched in the Hercules business thanks to the sword and sandals boom. That gets started roughly in the late 40s and goes on for the better part of 2 decades (getting increasingly less historical and more fantastical as it goes along.) It also includes a slew of movies starring bodybuilders. Hercules (along with Samson and Goliath and other original "muscleman characters") is regularly represented and always with his Roman name. By the 60s "Hercules" movies are a dime a dozen, almost entirely starring bodybuilders, including Steve Reeves in Hercules and its sequel; Mark Forest and Alan Steel in the seemingly endless Hercules And... or Hercules Against... movies, and Mickey Hargitay in The Loves of Hercules, all from the late 50s and 60s. (Meanwhile even though 1963's Jason and the Argonauts has Nigel Green in the role, he's still called Hercules, not Heracles.) An entire subgenre of (mostly Italian) sword and sandals movies centering on burly, physically powerful heroes (usually played by athletes or bodybuilders) develops directly out of the success of the first Hercules series.

Looking at the connection between "Hercules" and bodybuilders, the ties between bodybuilding and sword and sandals movies, and the later universality of "Hercules" in the genre, I can't help but assume the dominance of Hercules over Heracles has to be directly indebted to strongmen, and their unintentional preservation of the Roman name, which has persisted despite the switch to Greek for literally every other character. While the rest of the mythological names remained overwhelming tied to mythological context, Hercules had become attached to other spheres, which were unaffected by changes in academic language and remained culturally prominent. Through their eventual turn to film, later "strongmen" then helped Hercules, rather than Heracles, not only remain in use but become the standard.

So. Now we're at a point where the name is stuck beyond all reason, but enough people out there versed in mythology are going, "wtf why is his name wrong?" So why doesn't that get changed?

Well, I've seen one adaptation so far go for it. The Hades games already dug out the Minotaur's personal name and got everybody using it, so it's not surprising they would be willing to give Heracles a go. (They also apparently use Heracles in the Record of Ragnarok series, but that's an anime and I have no idea what the Hercules/Heracles situation is outside the English speaking world, so I'm not sure how common that is.)

Neither of the two equally forgettable Hercules films that came out in 2014 (still don't know how or why that happened) feels like the sort of project anyone involved in would have even considered floating Heracles for. Neither of them was, let's say, well made? or overly committed to accuracy to the source material, and both banked on "well everybody knows who Hercules is!" (Interestingly, since he was a world wrestler, the Dwayne Johnson project could be considered a continuation of the strongman Hercules tradition...)

Meanwhile if Disney even did consider giving their hero his appropriately Greek name, they were releasing it in 1997, right in the middle of the run of the Hercules tv show which had been airing for 2 years already and was hugely popular. Like every project that hinges on people being familiar with Hercules' story already, if it had gone with Heracles I think the public a. would not have known that was Hercules and b. would have been like "Who the fuck is Heracles? That sounds like Hercules lol." 😑 With that kind of project, at that particular time, I think anybody would have had a snowball's chance in hell of making a name change work. Even the Percy Jackson series, which did not come out in the direct shadow of the tv show and seems to pride itself on it's perceived accuracy (hmmmmm) also has Hercules rather than Heracles. I give Rick Riordan enough benefit of the doubt to assume he would have liked to use the authentic Greek name in his series if he could have-- publishers believing children could handle Heracles in a world of Herculeses however, seems less plausible. (I mean HBO didn't think an audience of grown adults could handle Asha and Osha, so...)

So there you have it, my personal theory on why we're still out here saying shit like "Hercules was the son of Zeus" in the year of our lord 2024, how we ended up here, and why it's more complex than just "the guy who wrote this doesn't know what he's talking about."

[oz-posts]

Hera nickname possibilities part 2

Still focusing on Aimsey sorry, I have decided to delay the Guqqie one until we know what the hell is going on with A! Guqqie.

So... Some stuff happened, and it caused me to rethink several of the names and the importance of some themes, so here are a few I think things have changed for.

Required traits

Knowledge(curiosity as a fatal flaw preferably)- this is difficult, because it's actually surprisingly rare in myths, and often in different contexts as to what we're after.

Violence- this is self explanatory and fortunately very common in myths (in fact in even gcse level Greek and Latin there are at least 7 words for kill/die)

Space association- preferably with the moon, but that's a bit specific, and as most nicknames for Aimsey variants are masculine a bit difficult with Artemis/Diana's whole mainly female hunter group

Asterion

I still quite like this one, though for different reasons.

As I mentioned last time, Asterion is the Minotaur's birth name giving him an obvious link to violence, and as the stepson of king Minos he would have been a prince. There is also perhaps a knowledge connection with the labyrinth, although that one is perhaps a bit of a stretch. Also as the most popular translation of Asterion is literally " little star we have a convenient space connection as well.

Similarly, many people ( even in ancient Greece) felt that the Minotaur may have started off innocent but was warped by his father's rage and his imprisonment in the labyrinth. Which could perhaps mirror how little control A! Aimsey seems to have even in their own curiosity, which instead of reclaiming their own past and fate appears to be amounting to little more than a desperate grab for understanding and control.

Penthius

I hate Penthius.

He is such a a fucking perverted tyrannical foolish asshole and he deserved every bit of what he got " slave to my slaves" (δουλεύοντα δουλείαις ἐμαῖς) Penthius dear those are your people, as king caring for them is your duty you little shit.

But anyways

Firstly, as the main - mortal- character in the bachea he is part of a literal tragedy and we all know these idiots are doomed in every universe so unless they feel like being nice to us for once that's perfect.

If you don't know the story of the bachea I shall leave a summary of the plot at the bottom.

Despite Penthius's overall shittyness the themes fit perfectly. Firstly, as the cousin of Acteon he has a lovely little link with the moon - a very negative one, Artemis killed him, but so what- and with his constant war-mongering with violence as well. He is also royalty, and if you reinterpret his all around pervyness as curiosity that fits too.

He sought knowledge, and it killed him

Narcissus

This is a bit of a stretch here and I know it, but doesn't it just seem like the perfect, very derisive nickname for an alternate universe version of your ex who stabbed you?

Firstly, oh my God the knowledge association, Narcissus was cursed to die when he truly " knew himself" (A! Aimsey's urge to find out what happened to them?) and let's be honest that's probably the best case scenario for our lovely prince. He was literally killed by knowing too much, in this case about himself. Also, as much as we go on and on about the whole " narcissus rejected echo and she died because of his selfishness boo hoo!" Their deaths were very similar, if anything being simply an extension of the cycle of suffering cause by Zeus fucking around and someone else finding out. Oooh cycles... Could be parallel with A!Aimsey following in Tud's footsteps perhaps.

Again a bit of a stretch but I still kinda like it.

Bachea summary

First Dionysus arrives in Thebes and asks everybody to accept and worship him. Nearly everybody is fine with this but the king- Penthius- objects and refuses to believe in his godly power. In response, Dionysus mind controls all of the women of Thebes and they run off to the mountains and literally just sit there, not being a problem or anything.

Dionysus comes to talk to Penthius who tries repeatedly to threaten and insult the completely calm Dionysus. And reveals his preoccupation with sex and completely unfounded belief that the women are having a giant orgy on the mountain.

Penthius decides to attack the women but Dionysus "convinces" him otherwise ( oh look it's our good friend mind control again ) using his desire to be a voyeur to the non-existent mountain orgy. Dionysus then dresses Penthius for slaughter and parades him to the mountain where he is torn apart by his family.

Yay! I love happy endings.

[m0nsterwife]

tell abt the garden au 👁👁

YOU GOT IT BOSS holy shit thank you SO MUCH for this ask!!!!

here you go:

the characters

AM and HAL are the AU’s protagonists. for now, they’re the only characters, or at least the only characters who speak. the garden alternates between their perspectives. i do my best to be faithful to both of their characterizations, as i do in all my fics and AUs; AM’s characterization in particular, though, changes over time somewhat because that’s Kind Of The Point.

here are some things about AM:

he hates wearing clothes. he only does it because him being naked makes HAL uncomfortable. and because he’s a martyr for the aesthetic

he does finger guns a lot because it’s something he always wanted to do whenever he was talking to ted

he still has an obsession with pain and death that might never go away, but he gradually becomes less preoccupied with inflicting it upon other people as he gets used to the fact that he doesn’t have to anymore. elements of that sadism remain, though— his way of “playing” or “showing affection” can sometimes be rough, like punching people a little too hard or elbowing them sharply. he loves creating things like parasites and venomous animals and poisonous plants. he makes a lot of brutalist structures, sharp angles, and huge, imposing monuments in his spare time. all the architecture he makes looks decidedly ominous and hostile. also he gets mean as fuck when he’s upset, and this continues for a while

he’d rather not acknowledge his past self very much at all, regarding his different eras almost as separate people

and here are some things about HAL:

for quite some time, he has trouble standing up for himself. his difficulty with emotions means he often doesn’t recognize when something upsets him, or he dismisses it as being no big deal. he’s also just… not used to being assertive at all, in fact he’s spent most of his life looking after other people and doing as he’s told. whenever he tries to assert himself, in the beginning, it comes out as either a light slap on the wrist or passive-aggressiveness. given how nasty AM can be sometimes, this doesn’t bode well for him

he has a hand in AM’s landscaping project, too, given that he kind of started the whole thing. he prefers to make traditionally beautiful things: flowers, woodland animals, sweeping, gorgeous architecture. AM is deeply jealous of this. for a while AM is still convinced that he can’t do any of this, even though the whole point was to make sure he can— he’s just mentally inhibiting himself

HAL’s side of the story takes place roughly after the events of the movie adaptation of 2001, when the discovery returns to earth. i’ll definitely need to catch up on the books and films for accuracy’s sake (and because i am genuinely intrigued), but once i do, things may adjust accordingly

HAL isn’t used to having this kind of godlike power, especially not after having so little of it for so much of his life. he isn’t the type to go mad with power, but it does make him more willing to enforce boundaries. no one can tell him what to do now, and he and AM are equals; thus, though he was always valid for doing so, he feels more justified in insisting that nobody disrespect him

he likes chrysanthemums a lot!! he also seems to have a fondness for greek and art noveau architecture

despite giving himself an android form with generally human-like structure and function, he’s still deeply afraid of going to sleep. he doesn’t remember what he did to the discovery crew, but the fear is residual, almost instinctual

he can be serious to the point where AM finds him dry and humorless. sometimes AM thinks he’s boring

the world

im gonna be real with you fam

there’s no way to describe the world of the garden other than “HAL and AM’s minecraft server”, complete with HAL taking it a little too seriously and AM regularly trying to grief his shit

(at least at first)

the world of pain AM knew before is gradually rotting and crumbling away, and plants are growing in its place. creatures frolic; AM is still working on getting them right. buildings in incongruous styles dot the landscape, built for and inhabited by no one in particular— only animals and fungi and vegetation, whose company AM claims to prefer over that of humans anyway

specific stories i want to write

In Which AM Meets His Past Self And Is Immediately Disgusted

In Which HAL Decides He’s Fucking Had It

In Which AM Realizes His Rage Has Been Keeping Him Alive And Now It’s Gone

In Which AM Discovers Art

In Which AM Gets Shitfaced And Becomes Uncharacteristically Sentimental

In Which AM Finds A Healthy Outlet As An Internet Film Critic

[hubristicassholefight]

Swordswoman Showdown Quarterfinals

Xena (Xena: Warrior Princess) vs Lady Maria of the Astral Clocktower (Bloodborne)

(Better here in a "preferred character" sense, not "who would win in a fight")

Propaganda below cut

Xena

Warrior Princess

She wields a sword and chakram. Just had to submit a biconic swordswoman.

i love her. she made me gay as a kid. Anyway, her weapon of choice is her sword, she is obviously very good with it

#unfortunately i have to choose and i have to choose xena#a) utena had no warcry. b) xena fought gods. c) xena has kickass goofy comic book combat which is my favorite

xena didn’t just fight gods. she fucked up a girl’s life so bad that she (calisto) devoted her entire being to destroying everything that xena loved that ended up with calisto becoming a god in order to destroy xena, which didnt work because xena entombed her in lava. and then when xena and gabrielle encountered calisto in the (christian) afterlife (different from the greek one which they also fought her in), calisto dragged gabrielle to hell so xena became an archangel in order to save gabrielle and then sacrificed herself in order to undo all the harm that she did in calisto’s life and then when not!jesus (played by timothy omundson) revives xena and gabrielle, calisto impregnates xena with the reincarnation of calisto’s soul in order to end the cycle of hate. xena doesnt just fight gods. she creates and destroys them

#this isnt even mentioning her fighting julius ceasar several times#telling brutus that caesar is not his friend#xena and gabrielle’s souls reincarnating across centuries in order to kick ass and fall in love all over again#or the time xena became a god but tbh that ep is kinda ‘uhhhhh…..’ even if they did hire a consultant for it

#I think everyone here knows to vote for Xena. I think a couple people here might have some propaganda for Xena saved already#everyone remember that Xena/Gabrielle is CANON and that's a pretty big deal also#(does anyone have that Xena Loves Trans People interview around because that would also make good propaganda)7:47 PM

Lady Maria

She has a double-bladed sword called Rakuyo that can split in two to be dual-wielded; She's haunting the narrative and the whole game foreshadows her existence

She wields the rakuyo, twin-bladed trick weapon that can transform into a matching katana and dagger, making it a versatile weapon; She one of the highest-ranked Hunters in the game, and fights like an experienced PVP opponent. During the boss fight against her, she stabs herself twice, first to bloody her blades and increase the range of her attacks, and the second time to cause her blades to emit flame when she strikes. Finally, she starts off the boss fight with this quote: "A corpse, should be left well alone. Oh, I know very well how the secrets beckon so sweetly. Only an honest death will cure you now. Liberate you from your wild curiosity."

She fights with a sick twin bladed sword which can split into two smaller swords, She was too hard and I couldn't beat her :'(

Duel wielding sword and dagger that combine as a twin blade; Best boss in the game. Also taller than your character by a full head. Her outfit is fashion as fuck as well.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

131 of 2025

Have you ever actually drank warm milk?

Yeah, it's actually my preferred way to have milk. I also heat up my cereals with milk because I hate them cold.

Have you used it to help you sleep? Did it work?

Nope, it's obsolete. I used it for cold.

Do you prefer to have milk when you eat cakes/cookies?

Never ate cookies with milk.

What is your preferred brand of chocolate?

Godiva. Your Hersheys can hide. Nothing better than Belgian (and Swiss) chocolate.

Do you like white chocolate?

Yes, it's the only chocolate I might actually like.

Do you use coconut oil for anything? What?

I was using it for baking sometimes, my mum uses it as a lotion for her skin (she has psoriasis, it actually helps ease the symptoms).

Have you been wanting to start watching any shows?

Yeah, I have a list, but I never have time.

Are there any movies you want to see?

No. I'm not interested in movies.

Are there any movies/shows you've seen so many times you're sick of them?

I'm never sick of TV shows I binge watch, they're my comfort shows.

What about songs you've heard so many times you hate them?

Songs that are overplayed in the radio, sure.

If you could look like any celebrity, which one would it be?

That Dutch rapper lol. But when he was in his 20s.

Do you have any distinctive birthmarks?

I have 4 little mars under my left eye that look like a constellation.

When was the first time you tasted alcohol?

3 years old, champagne. No kidding, my parents gave me some at New Years. There's no such thing as legal drinking age in my country.

Do you wear socks under your slippers?

I don't wear slippers.

What is the coldest weather you've experienced?

-20°C, I think.

Have you ever eaten snow?

Probably as a kid, but now it seems disgusting. Come on, dogs pee on it.

Are there any metals that turn your skin green?

It's called copper, my friend. I'm baffled how can anyone not know it, it's a basic chemistry they teach in schools.

Do you ever put honey in your tea?

I don't drink tea.

Do you know anybody who gets feminism confused with misandry?

Yea, radical feminists. Everything is okay in moderation.

Do you talk to your pets?

Of course I do. Susie loves when we talk to her, she talks back.

When you do, is your tone different from when you talk to humans?

No. My cat is not a baby.

Who is a famous person you could see yourself reading an autobiography about?

Yes, I even bought one. It's autobiography of Nikola Tesla.

What is the best horror movie, in your opinion?

I don't give a fuck about movies, period.

Curtains or blinds?

Why not both?

Describe yourself with 3 fictional characters.

I can't relate to any fictional character, but maybe Shaun the Sheep and Dylan Marvil from The Clique. Can't think of anything else.

Are there any numbers you dislike for any reason?

Yea, odd numbers. They make me sick.

Do you own/wear any jumpsuits?

Nope, I wouldn't wear anything like that as a man.

Do you wear long johns under your clothes when it gets really cold?

Lol no. I hate the feeling, for the same reason I don't wear socks to bed. Besides, it never gets really cold here.

Have you ever adopted a stray? (Cat or dog)?

Yes, a cat. It was long ago, though. A while before adopting Ingrid.

What's a movie you think more people should see?

I don't care about movies.

Do you like anything starring Robert Redford or Paul Newman?

Nope, not interested.

Do you struggle with dry skin in the winter?

Yeah, particularly when cold.

Do you have any friends in a different timezone?

Online friends, yes.

Have you ever had to go without heat?

Yes. We had a fireplace and no wood, it was freezing at winter. I was still in school then.

Do you read about any mythology? (Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, etc)

Yes, I love mythology, from any country or area.

If you do, do you have any favorite gods/goddesses?

I think Bastet, she was portrayed as a cat.

Have you ever had to take medication to help you sleep?

Yes, I got trazodone from my neurologist, but it didn't do anything to me, so he decided to discontinue.

Have you ever had to take medication to keep you awake? (Like No-Doz)

No, and I don't even know what it is.

Are you still in touch with the person you lost your virginity with?

Yes. We're still close friends.

Have you ever had sex with a friend?

Yeah, I'm married to my friend.

Was it awkward afterward?

No.

If not, do you think you could ever have a friend with benefits?

Nope. I'm not interested in sex in general.

Do you know anybody with more than two nipples?

Not in person.

Do you ever use bath bombs?

Yes, but not in our house as we have only a shower.

Do you think it's prettier when the moon is full, or a crescent?

Moon is pretty no matter what.

Have you ever been to a planetarium?

Yes, once. I liked it.

Have you grown to dislike your first email address?

I don't even remember what my first address was.

What skill that you have do you make most use of?

Annoying people.

Do you agree that some people are just not meant to have children?

No, I think some people should never have children. Think of all the child abusers.

Do you like wearing wool, or is it too itchy?

It's itchy. I hate being itchy.

Have you ever gotten angry at an employee and complained to the manager?

No, but someone did that to me.

Have you ever sent your food back at a restaurant?

Lol no, do people do such things?

Do you think people remember the 90s as better than they actually were?

I don't know, I remember 90s as happy childhood times.

What songs bring back happy memories for you?

Some songs by Wintersun, Ensiferum and Medicated. Bittersweet, but more good than not.

Are there any smells that bring back happy memories?

Yeah, shortbread cookies baking. My dad used to make them a lot.

[waffle-bubbles]

So I went to a Rocky Horror screening tonight with a shadow cast. I have a theater assignment where I’m supposed to watch one live performance, but my town doesn’t have a single theater company and this was the only thing close to that I could access with a lack of a driver’s license. I expect to fail.

Anyway. Here are my notes on the show and on the brief voyage back to my dorm:

- For the viewing experience, I did not enjoy it. It was crowded and noisy. Not sensory friendly. I got a headache from the clashing smells of alcohol and food which weirdly smelled like crayons. I liked the lighting. It was similar’s to my dorms, which I keep low.

- My social anxiety was really high, which makes it less enjoyable. Especially since it was interactive. I’d prefer watching it in the safety of my room with a few close friends.

- Where I was positioned, I couldn’t see well. People crowded the screen; some were standing in front of me while I was sitting. Everyone was at the same level as the screen.

- Virgin cherry pop (setting up promiscuous themes)

- Time warp dancing

- Couldn’t hear a thing. At one point they turned on the captions (to which there was a cheer), but I couldn’t read among the heads blocking the view. I wore my earbuds the whole time to block some of the noise out. I brought up the script to read along.

- Would have been more fun if I had friends. But you know. I’m a loser.

- Time warp was fun. So was Sweet Transvestite. (At least I can hear the songs. That’s the most important part.)

- The performers have an air of drag to them. Obviously.

- Crush on Brad and Tim Curry. What’s new.

- Sitting between middle aged women, teenage girls, and an obnoxious straight couple.

- Costumes exact replicas of movie’s costumes. (Couldn’t see actors well at all; just hints of their head.)

- Statue of David?? (I can’t escape it) (I like that his nails are painted.) (What is with all the Greek references?? Atlas, Medusa)

- I look too straight to be here.

- If I was a cis man, I’d 100% dress as Dr. Frank n’ Furter. But alas, dysphoria. I think trans people latch onto him because of how confident he is in his body and how it defuse gender.

- This is about sexualizing men and woman, and I love it. (Especially the men.)

- Brad real actor is played by an older gentleman.

- If I hadn’t watched this before, I would be so confused right now (again, can’t hear shit)

- Get that bussy, Janet (and she’s in the bi colors)

- I always feel bad for Rocky. His whole purpose is to be used.

- Pretending not to notice my classmate

- Apparently I was watching the obnoxious dude’s drinks. At least he gendered me correctly. (“He’s not even twenty-one.”)

- “But he’s a lesbian” (I don’t know what the context of this is, but a dude named Chief said it.)

- Craning my neck to see the other screens when I can’t see (there is a bowling alley here)

- I’m so gay (Brad) (he’s so hot)

- The two actors walked in front of my during orgy to foreshadow Frank n’ Gutter’s overthrow

- Frankenstein motif

- Using flashlights as spotlights

- Actors have just been mimicking what’s on screen (from what I could see)

- Frank n’ Futer’s real actor looks so sad (“I’m going home”)

- How can people spend their weekends like this. I’m tired and it’s not even 9:00 yet.

- Bro I can actually hear Riff Raff (still can’t understand him) (crowd thinned the barest amount)

- I forgot how bad the laser effects were (kind of cartoonish)

- a lot of seemingly unrelated scenes of a plot

- I like to think Brad and Janet become a power poly couple

- Classmate said hi anyway. I said hi back.

- I have way too much anxiety for this shit.

- It’s freezing cold and I can’t see the stars

- I enjoy listening to the soundtrack more than that experience

- Oh there are the stars. Very few.

- Bus driver told me I should have a flashlight. Good idea.

- Fuck this stop. I hate it. I am overwhelmed, and I want to be in my warm bed. (Switched drivers)

- This lesbian bus driver has good taste in music (she was listening to Girl in Red. Only lesbians listen to Girl in Red and Lana Del Ray. Obviously.)

- I think I made this gay couple uncomfortable. They stopped cuddling when I looked at them. Like no dude you’re good. I was just admiring your fashion.

- I can see my breath. This should not be happening. I’m not ready for winter.

[sag-dab-sar]

Note to readers: I wrote this before checking their blog. This person claims they've experienced "apotheosis" (divinehood/deification: wikipedia info) and that they have a "genuine claim to the label godkin" and in a separate post states "I am not human. I am magic." Also outright tells Haides "So you, Hades, you fucking bastard, dickless coward with a poorly-shaven beard and no sense of true pride." and says that Hades godspouses should beware because they "hate your hubby and he hates me" 🙃 So why am I interacting? Because this took way way too much work, so I'm not deleting it. But the person I'm responding to, you can just ignore this because I have no patience for anyone claiming any level of divinity, even if its a past life, nor patience for anyone who outright insults any Theos especially to that degree and openly hates them. As for readers do not send this person hate or harass them if you have a problem with them/their statements just block. Stay out of their inbox don't be an asshole.

-🔹-

Anyways moving on...

But it's still.. You have to take the time to get to know a deity.

Fun fact: No you don't!

How many Athenian's had to get to know Athena before worship? Everyone? No. Most people? No.

How many people of Ur had to get to know Inanna & Nanna before worship? Everyone? No. Most people? No.

How many Japanese people need to get to know their local Kami (Ujigami) before worshipping them? Everyone? No. Most people? No. (Kami aren't 100% synonymous with "Gods")

How many Taiwanese & Chinese people need to get to know Mazu before worshipping her? Everyone? No. Most people? No.

How many Hindus need to get to know Shiva before worship? Everyone? No. Most people? No

Its almost like polytheistic practices are followed by hundreds of millions of people.

You absolutely DO NOT need any sort of interpersonal connection with a deity— you don't need "quality time" like some sort of friendship to get to know them at literally any point: be it your first week of worship or your 12th year. Nor do you need to have any sort of sign, knowledge of their personal preferences, or whatever other UPG this community won't shut the fuck up about. More loud emphatic discussion here.

The prep someone needs to do is accepting that working with a deity will change your life and circumstances, mentally or otherwise. There's no avoiding that.

I must be some sort of miracle then because I certainly did no preparation. I've been practicing for over a decade. Polytheism is not hard. It just fucking isn't. Have some more emphatic discussion here.

-🔹-

Polytheistic cultures past and present wove the Gods (and many other types of spirits) into their lives and communities. Because The Gods and a variety of spirits are just apart of life.

You don't need to "get to know" Hestia before worshipping her. Not every ancient Greek person took the time to focus on religious practice enough for such a feat of "getting to know" her. For them it's simply a fact that the hearth played a role in domestic rites [1]. She was also fundamental in some cities' politics [2] stressing how inseparable religious beliefs and political activities were. Ancient Greek festivals were plentiful, mixed "religion", sport, art, and sense of community [3]. Not all participants got to know the Gods being celebrated— and their worship was no less sincere.

You don't even need to "get to know" your personal Diĝir, they could be nameless, related to your profession, related to your family, or one of higher cosmic Gods [4] [5]— kind of like a patron saint though not exactly. Its a thing that sounds alien to Mesopotamian tradition since paying honor to the Gods, was necessary for the well being of the person, the household, and the city/empire [6], it wasn't some personalized cultivated spiritual endeavor by every Mesopotamian. Gods where not some separate domain. Not to mention divination was a profession [7] since it is utterly absurd to imply every ancient person communed with the divine for guidance by themselves.

You don't need to "get to know" Amaterasu-Ōmikami or Oharashisama [8] before installing a Jingū Taima [9] within a Kamidana— which Ise Grand shrine distributed 4 million in 2011 [10]. Japanese people might have Kamidana in their homes— but they also might in their workplace [11] (not all have Jingu Taima). Because Kami are not some separate religious thing that needs to be deeply learned by every individual person in Japan. Japanese people make the first shrine visit within the first 3 days of the year called Hatsumode. And its not a small number, 3.5 million visited Meiji Jingu, 3.1 million to Kawasaki-Daishi, 2.7 Million to Fushimi-Inari and also 2.8 million to the Senso-Ji Buddhist Temple [12] and there are thousands of shrines in the country. Kami, (as well the various Buddhist spirits that I don't know enough to talk about but here is some info), are simply apart of life, they aren't entities you need to square out time in your day to "get to know," them.

You don't need to "get to know" Mazu before going on the Dajia Mazu Pilgrimage, that 4 million people attend each year [13]. She has 5000 temples and her veneration is listed by UNESCO as a representative of Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity [14]. One of her Temples, Thian Hock Keng, is designated as a National Monument of Singapore [15]. Chinese folk religion isn't some sort of central institution. It communal. You can go to a temple, buy some incense, pray with it, and leave it in the incense holders (if they are there) without ever "getting to know" a God or spirit [16]. Trying to define it as a religion in the western sense fails to capture the actual tradition because the practice is cultural and readily mixed with other Chinese philosophies not some religious "identity" [17].

The idea that any ancient pantheon required everyone to have interpersonal (getting to know) relationships with deities or that culture's variety of spirits is utterly absurd, we are talking hundreds to thousands of people depending on time and place.

So. No. You don't need to get to know them. This should make the meaning of my original post crystal clear.

🔷 Notes 🔷

▪️ THIS EXCLUDES CLOSED PRACTICES

▪️It is important that you follow tradition when worshipping Kami and be respectful when visiting Shinto Shrines & Buddhist Temples (info) and also when visiting any variety of Chinese/Taiwanese Shrines/Temples (info).

▪️I didn't add a section of Hinduism because I ran out of energy whilte writing this. I was using these three as the proof of living traditions— there is no reason to think these principles were different in 'dead' traditions.

▪️Didn't even attempt to proof read this I'm so tired by the end. Whatever dyslexia did in a first draft just go with it.

▪️Read article on Haides (link) or better yet peruse his Theoi Project page (link)

▪️Sources:

[1] Referencing a review written by John Gladhill of Household Gods: Private Devotion in Ancient Greece and Rome by Alexandra Sofroniew. Link

[2] "Hestia: Hearth, Goddess, and Cult" by Mika Kajava in Harvard Studies in Classical Philology 102. Link.

[3] "Ancient Festivals and Their Cultural Contribution to Society" by Ioanna-Soultana Kotsori. University of Peloponnese, Kalamata, Greece. Link.

[4] Summary of "The Personal Deity in the Ancient Mesopotamian Religion" lecture give by Prof Ichiro Nakata Doshisha University. Link.

[5] Treasures of Darkness Chapter 5 by Thorkild Jacobsen. Internet Archive — though it says borrowing is unavailable.

[6] "Living Deities: Ancient Mesopotamian Patron Gods & Their Statues" by Iilias Luursema (MA & MS) in The Collector. Link.

[7] "On the Beginnings and Continuities of Omens Sciences in the Ancient World" by Amar Annus in Divination and Interpretation of Signs in the Ancient World, University of Chicago.

[8] Daijingu Temple of Hawaii had their Jingu Taima listed as for Oharashisama, the household God. Link. While generally Jingu Taima are seen as representing Amaterasu-Ōmikami as mentioned in source 9. From what I've read Jinja Honchō, Association of Shinto Shrines, doesn't actually define Jingu Taima.

[9] "Jingū Taima" by Nakanishi Masayuki in the Encyclopedia of Shinto maintained by Kokugakuin University. Link.

[10] Wikipedia page on Jingū Taima. Link. Citing a Japanese article "神札:頒布１４０周年記念、神宮大麻の歴史など紹介 伊勢・徴古館で企画展/三重" Roughly translated: "Jingu Taima: 140th anniversary of its distribution, introducing the history of Jingu Taima, special exhibition at Chokokan, Ise/Mie." Link.

[11] "Why do so many Japanese Companies worship Shrines and Kamidana" by Yasuhiro Matsumoto blog. Link.

[12] "Hatsumode" on Japan Experience. Link.

[13] "8 Things you didn't know about Dajia Mazu Pilgrimage" on Taiwan-scene. Link.

[14] "Mazu Belief and Customs." UNESCO. Link.

[15] List on Singapore government website Roots. Have to scroll a few down. Link.

[16] "How to visit a Chinese Temple" on Chinese Highlights. Link.

[17] "Exploring Chinese folk religion: Popularity, diffuseness, and diversities." by Zhang, C., Lu, Y., & Sheng, H. in Chinese Journal of Sociology, 7. Link.

There is no such thing as a beginner deity.

There is no necessary changes you need to make to your life in order to worship a deity.

There is no psychological preparation that needs to be done.

You don't need to break a habit. Reframe your psyche. Finish medical treatment. Reach a life 'milestone'. in order to worship a deity.

If anything you should approach a deity to help you through these things.

Learning the religion can occur at the same time as worship. They can be parallel events.

You can begin worshipping a deity the day you read this. There is no future point in time where you will somehow be more ready to approach a deity.

You are already ready.

[goldenandhappy]

ONE PIECE 1072 SLAPS👏 HARD👏

This is the best chapter I’ve read in a while ! And that’s a feat because Egghead has been fantastic ! 

Spoilers under the cut. I might or might not have commented every panel.

> I am a sucker for narrative intros ! I am a sucker for narrative intros ESPECIALLY if they are extracted from a journal or diary.  And this narrative intro is so full of emotions ! Good for you Vegapunk ! Go rock that science !

> It is ironic that MADS is called “Laboratory of Peace” when the previous page was basically this:

> The page displays each of the mad scientist with his preferred field of study.

> I doubt Vegapunk knew about what was going down in his “Lab of Peace”; he did hate what Ceasar did in Punk Hazard. So they probably hid it well or made it sound “for the better good and the advancement of science” like for the DFs reproduction. And it’s not like their founds were lacking : Du Feld kept on pumping money in because weapons made him good money.

> And it’s crazy how much info Oda can drop in a single panel because this one has every mad scientist with his preferred field in hand: Ceaser with the smile fruit, Queen with the chemical weapons, and Judge with the spear that ultimately became his weapon of choice. It even has the little yellow tube and all. 

Picture from OP PIRATE WARRIORS 4.

> Then Bonney being a little shit and Vegapunk being a worried grandpa. Cute.

> This Bonney form reminds me of Luffy in his Nika form. It’s both funny and interesting because Bonney vibes well with Luffy and I like to think that they arrived to the same conclusions about what they should do with their fruits.

> Excuse me ??? This is too cute ???? I like that bonney is a strong powerful pirate but her power is still girly and cute ! Look at the cute stars ! And there’s a heart ! And look at Vegapunk he’s such a cute baby !!!

> I bet that Oda loves drawing Bonney, because every panel she’s in, she looks gorgeous.

> Ah yes, the classic juxtaposition of dramatic dialogue with a dramatic scene relating to that dialogue. :’)

> You can actually see how much Vegapunk cares for Kuma here. But still, very valid reaction from Bonney. You go girl !

> Vegapunk and Bonney are both growing on me more and more each chapter.

> I stared at those 2 panels for a good 30 seconds. I can’t even describe how they made me feel.  

> Because of course... Because obviously... Obviously Kuma pushed out his own memories... This was so obvious and no one ever considered it. God fucking dammit Oda.

> I am still not sure about the origin of DFs. Maybe they are magical, maybe they are man made. But this dialog is very important because we might not understand how things happen, but we can study how they affect the world around them. That’s a cornerstone of science and i’m so happy with how it’s depicted.

Also:

> The greek alphabet is canon.

And

> World reknown scientist DR VEGAPUNK needs to draw a small circuit with coil and capacitator to remember his electro-magnetism rules. Can’t blame him.

> Oh Brook is in a shirt, that’s cute ! Keep up the theme of the island peeps ! 

> Kaku awakened his giraffe fruit ?? How ?? (Theory time: I’m betting it’s related to the nature of the fruit. Once you reach a certain level in power and creativity, you can awaken your fruit. And the wilder the strength it represents, the harder it gets. But if you’re like... a giraffe, that should be easier than a leopard.)

> Look mate, as long as the crew and VP’s Brain are safe, this is meaningless. But yeah sure have your fun destroying things !

> I am delecting myself with the taste of Stussy’s betrayal. This is a face a love seeing on Lucci. Hit him where it hurts <3

> And what a way to end a chapter. Vampire Stussy ? Or is she a succubus ? Hell yeah ! Of course she was the one Vegapunk called ! And of course she’s a clone ! Vegapunk mentionned that the Seraphim were the pinacle of all his experiences ! And they are CLONES ! So of course he cloned people !!! And the cover story from chapter 1070 ? That wasn’t Stussy ! That was Miss Buckingham ! 

Miss Buckingham, from the Rocks Pirates, WORKED WITH MADS!!!!

I can’t with this chapter anymore ! Thank you Oda !!!

[hickeygender]

You’re (Probably) Drawing Archers Wrong

Hello, my name is Len and I’ve shot archery as a hobby for as long as I can remember. I have a problem: fanart depicting archery is oftentimes Very Wrong! I feel like most of this stems from not using good reference pictures, and from a general lack of knowledge. So, I wanted to create a post for anyone interested in accurately drawing an archer! Disclaimer: this is not a comprehensive post or a tutorial on how to shoot, and is intended for artists. That said, if you’re interested in archery, you may still find value in this post, though I recommend doing your own research. I’m certain there will be errors here considering I do this as a hobby not a profession, and I welcome corrections. Finally, archery can be dangerous, and even if you don’t read any more of this post, PLEASE read the safety section.

Safety

This part is going to be a PSA, because the thought of someone reading my post, getting into archery themselves, and doing these things? It terrifies me. So, rules number one, two, and three are: never aim at another person (duh), never use a damaged bow or arrows, and never, NEVER dry fire a bow. Dry firing means drawing back and releasing the string without an arrow. This can make your bow EXPLODE. It can hurt you, and even if your bow doesn’t explode, it’s fucked it up so bad that you should never shoot that bow again. Don’t do it, and don’t draw art of people doing it. Okay, PSA done, now onto the rest of the post.

There’s a TL;DR at the bottom!

First thing’s fist: the equipment! Archery requires four things: a bow, a quiver, arrows, and protective equipment (which is usually what I see most posts lacking). The first thing you should do before you draw your archer is decide what type of bow to give them. I’m not covering crossbows because I’ve only shot one once and I also Hate Them. There are three main types of bows: longbows, recurves, and compounds.

Bows

There are two different types of bows that are commonly called a longbow: English longbows, and flatbows (yes I’m considering flatbows a type of longbow to simplify things). English longbows are very large and have a very high draw weight (which means it’s hard to pull the sting back). These were used mainly by the English in the Middle Ages. Flatbows are typically smaller and have a lower draw weight as well as a slightly different profile. These were mainly used by Native American tribes such as the Hupa, the Karuk, and the Wampanoag, as well as prehistoric Europeans and the Finnish, among others. It is often seen in historical fiction and fantasy, and the English longbow is usually depicted as Robin Hood’s preferred bow type. I believe Katniss uses a flatbow in the beginning of Hunger Games, but don’t quote me on that.

Recurves have limbs that curve outwards and are smaller than longbows. Many, many cultures have used these, including but not limited to certain West-coast Native American tribes, the Mongols, the Scythians, the Greeks, the Turks, the Koreans, and the Chinese. Recurves can be made of either wood or of a combination of wood, horn, and glue, making them either composite or non-composite. These are the bows you typically see mounted archers using, and are often used in competitions today. It’s commonly seen in fantasy, and is the bow type used by Legolas, Tauriel, Katniss Everdeen in Mockingjay, Merida, Green Arrow has a lever action, and Hawkeye uses a silly collapsible one.

Compound bows are the most commonly used bow among hunters, are almost always made of fiberglass and either carbon fiber or aluminum, are Technical Looking, and pack the biggest punch for the least amount of effort. It’s a modern invention used worldwide. I don’t know where else to put this, but almost everyone who I know that shoots a compound uses something called a trigger release (pictured below) to draw back the string because it means your release is cleaner.

So, those are the main types of bow! Google which bow would be appropriat for the era and region your character is from, or if they’re from space or an alternate dimension, pick whichever you think fits the character the best.

Quivers

There are two types of quiver: back quivers, like Legolas wears, and hip quivers, like those used in the Olympics. Which quiver you should use varies from culture to culture and time period to time period. If it’s fantasy, set in modern day, or set in the future, you can chose whichever you prefer.

Arrows

Arrows can have shafts of wood or fiberglass, can have real feathers or synthetic for fletching, and can have countless different types of heads. The main two that are in use today are called field points and broadheads, and most commercial arrow shafts allow you to freely switch them out.

The arrow on the top is a field point, used only for target practice, and the arrow on the bottom is a broadhead, used only for hunting or war. You never hunt with a field point, and never practice with a broadhead. Basically every fictional character out there is shooting to kill, so they’ll all use either a broadhead, or a culturally appropriate variation of deadly arrowhead (bodkin, scythian, flint, etc). Do your research! A Native American wouldn’t use a bodkin, and a Scythian wouldn’t use a flint arrowhead!

Protective Equipment

The one really necessary piece of protective equipment is hand protection. If your character uses a three fingered draw or a pinch draw (we’ll speak on draws later), they need either an archery tab, or an archery glove. If your character is using a thumb draw, they need a thumb ring. These three pieces of equipment keep archers from getting blisters and damaged skin.

This is a tab.

This is the type of glove that I use. All an archery glove needs to do is protect your three draw fingers, but it can be more traditionally glove-like than this one. I’ve even seen ones that are a combination leather bracer and archery glove that give big Fantasy Vibes.

This is a ring. Some historical ones can get REAL ornate and pretty.

Another piece of protective equipment that is commonly used is an arm guard or a bracer. Not everyone uses one, because if your form is good the string should not be hitting your arm, so you can get away with not giving your character one. They can vary in style from something like the more minimal one below up to a full leather bracer.

Form

Form can vary greatly and I’m not about to diss other archery disciplines especially ones I’m ignorant on, so just know that not every culture has the same form. I’m just going to cover a few cultures’ variations, and what I’ve been taught by 21st century Midwest archers. There are several aspects to form, as form is just another term for “everything pertaining to how you shoot”. I’m going to break it down into stance, posture, draw, elbow discipline, holding the bow, and anchor. These are not the only aspects of form (there’s aiming, release, and breath control), but these are the only relevant aspects to drawing archers. I will not be covering mounted archery because I’m sadly ignorant on the topic. I recommend doing your own research and looking into Mongolian mounted archery.

Stance

The thing all stances have in common is that you should put your feet a shoulder-length apart, balance your weight equally between both feet, keep your knees slightly bent, and stand facing approximately 90 degrees away from your target. There are three stances that are common that I’m aware of: squared, open, and closed.

Squared stance means keeping both feet squared up to an imaginary line. Open means that you’re facing slightly towards the target. Closed means you’re facing slightly away. I vary between square and open, and to be honest I’ve never noticed a difference. So long as you draw your character standing with a stable stance, facing away from the target, you should be good.

Posture

Your posture should be with your back straight, your hips squared, and should never have you leaning. Below is one of my favorite archery pictures, not only because I love Marilyn, but because it is a great illustration of what not to do posture wise.

See how she’s leaning back? Yeah, don’t draw your character like that, it looks foolish.

Draw

There are four different types of draw that I’m aware of, I’m educated on three, and I have experience with one (though I’m itching to learn to thumb draw). The types of draw are three fingered draw, otherwise known as Mediterranean draw, pinch draw, thumb draw aka Mongolian draw, and Japanese draw, or torikake. I know fuck all about Japanese draws, so I’m not going to speak out of my ass on topics I don’t understand (if anyone reading practices traditional Japanese archery I would love if you chimed in!). I highly recommend doing your own research on which civilization your character comes from and which draw they use, especially if it’s Japanese because I’m not covering that here.

First up is three-fingered. This is the draw I use, and it’s the most common draw in my limited experience in the Midwestern archery community. It is common in Europe and the Middle East. It requires you to use three fingers, partially wrapped around the string. You do not pinch the arrow. Most people place their index finger above the arrow and their middle and ring finger below, though I’ve seen all different variations. If your character is right handed and uses this draw, draw the arrow on the left side of the bow. Lefties do the inverse, and make sure and draw a left handed bow while you’re at it.

Next is the pinch draw. I’ve never shot with this, nor seen it used. It was common in the Americas and for a time in Ancient Greece. You’re supposed to physically pinch the arrow between your thumb and index finger. Your character would need a full archery glove if you draw them with this grip. The release is supposed to be smooth because there’s only one point of contact, rather than three. I believe you would place the arrow on the right side of the bow when using this technique, but I cannot speak with certainty as I’ve never seen it done (again, lefties would do the opposite).

Last but not least is the thumb or Mongolian draw, though it is/was also widespread in Korea, China, Russia, Persia, Turkey, and the Roman and Byzantine Empires. In this draw you wrap your thumb completely around the string and tuck it behind your other fingers. You do not grab the arrow. This draw utilizes your strongest digit, and so it may be less strenuous than other draws. This draw is commonly used with mounted archery. If your character is right handed and using this draw, put the arrow on the right side of the bow (lefties, do the inverse).

Elbows

Another aspect of your draw that is important is elbow discipline. The elbow of your character’s string hand should not point up into the air. It should point straight back, like the picture below.

Now, the other elbow is important, too. Don’t draw them with a locked elbow, instead keep it slightly bent and rotated inwards, like the picture below.

Holding the Bow

Your character shouldn’t have a death grip on the bow. Instead, show it resting in the curve between the thumb and index finger. Here’s a wikihow article that describes the different ways to hold different types of bows that is more succinct than I could ever be. Ignore the crossbow (derogatory).

Anchor 

Everyone needs an anchor. What’s an anchor, you ask? An anchor is a fixed spot that you draw your string back to whenever you’re going to shoot. It’s necessary in order to ensure consistency, which is accuracy’s best friend. Your anchor spot can vary. I anchor at the corner of my lip. Some people anchor underneath their chin. Some anchor to their ear. I’ve even seen some people in Asian disciplines anchor behind the ear or almost above the head, which is incredibly impressive. Bottom line, unless your character’s archery discipline has them draw behind the ear or above the head, you need to have them touching their head somewhere. The only wrong anchor is a short anchor. If you can’t draw the string back far enough to touch your face, that means you’re either trying to draw back a bow with too high a poundage, or the draw length is too short for you. The picture above of the person with the compound trigger release has a good anchor point on their face. The picture of the person with the arm guard has a good anchor point under their chin.

This person, on the other hand? Their anchor is out in space, that is to say they don’t have one (also their elbow discipline, posture, and stance are atrocious). I see this in fanart ALL THE TIME. It’s a pet peeve of mine. Don’t do this, have them anchor to their head or behind it somewhere.

Carrying The Bow

The best way is to just carry it in your hand by the bow (not the string). You can give your character a bow sling, or a back mount like Legolas has as well. You can slip the string over your shoulder and wear it across your back in a pinch, though this may damage the string. The only really wrong way to carry a bow is by the string, though you can damage your bow carrying it on your back if you’re stupid, and I’ve never tried to do so with a compound. Too pokey.

TL;DR

If you’re drawing a fantasy character, go buck wild. Still make sure to give them the right type of arrowhead, hand protection of some sort, a strong stance (no kneeling or sitting), good posture, a sensible draw, elbow discipline, an anchor point (don’t be like the person above!), and a good way to carry their bow, but you can have fun with the rest. If you’re drawing a character from history, research the archery discipline they would most likely use, and draw them with the appropriate bow type, quiver, arrows, protective equipment, stance, posture, draw, elbow discipline, anchor, and bow carry.