#posting here because im terrified of other platforms

[barkingcitrine]

Citrine Says #1

Does anyone else have an incredible OC design but literally cannot draw it out… yeah suffering that right now

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if i cut off someone reaching out for help on tumblr? i am a very anxious person. ive been on tumblr a very long time because most all other social media terrifies me as someone who grew up with the wild west internet a decade past (im in my late 20s) so i feel sometimes with how reckless and spurractic people can be online in chatroom and especially clearly public platforms where any stranger, malicious or otherwise can just archive your digital presence for personal use.

more recently as someone who has been here during the pornban and as an asexual really enjoyed the quiet with no drama farming and a slow pace to talk about more unique political topics in a measured way it is something im strangely nostalgic for and a great example of my sensibilities to people when they insist that i use other platforms like discord or twitter or whatever clone for these services comes out of the old guard introducing feature creep to copy everyone else or any other indi "were the anti corporate version" of the endless scroll apps. i just dont want it. tumblr is special because im desktop only, been here for years, and i have kept track of every single change made so i have manually adjusted the change through hacks to evade every bad decision on here and make my set up look identical to how it was in 2010. so let it be understood that i tend to be a loney person because of this stubbornness. web 3.0 is too dangerous to people with addictive tendencies that my adhd brings out and my need to wear my heart on my sleeve. so i hope i defended my personality type enough to show why someone like me would see a post about some horrible abuses they have fell victim to who also share alot of the marginalized status as me and writing depressive things in the replys of others posts as to attention seek about it.

i directly interact with this person, not only to check if they are real (but wow, modern chat bots make this part horrifying for me. we really cant ever know for sure what is real anymore. trying to find warmth on the internet feels impossible now a days) i have multiple conversations at this point both venting and just casually shooting the shit. but the begging for me to constantly repost their paypal makes me so nervous in a way that i feel so guilty for because it reminds me of all the scams that get associated with this kind of ebegging and the reminder that capitalism takes away all warmth from human interaction to make them purely transnational and conditional. but then it just has been escalating where im so scared that now its not enough that im reposing on my 8 follower, all mutual blog, they are asking me to share it on other socials. accounts i do not have i have a flip phone and a laptop and i am tinkering with a windows 7 tower that will never be connected to the internet so i can always have software sit perfectly in its time capsule for when i need it. i do not have a way to help this person outside of what i learned from collage psyche classes. a part of me is so scared to just abruptly cut them off and just delete my entire account like i tend to do often on tumblr for a multitude of reasons, its a part of what lets people survive being here this long but i worry that would crush them if i did that, i dont want to make them feel more hopeless and unwanted then they already talk about. but i am text on the internet through a screen. i can only do so much. so would i be the asshole if i just deleted my account with a "i hope you hang in there, the world is a harsh place but keep moving" to cut someone so similar to me who is struggling out of my life?

What are these acronyms?

[cyphyra]

i just want a social media platform that's easy to use, has no transphobic bullshit in power/command of the platform, lots of people use, and has porn so ppl are truly free to post what they want and up until The Purge tumblr had 3 of those things (i know they've BEEN transphobic since forever ago)

this blatant attack on trans women terrifies me, considering they've shown it could happen to anyone who's wished anything negative about staff now, and with the nsfw purge and the enshittening of the actual tumblr site, there's barely any good reason for me to stay. but until they shut my blog down themselves im going to keep staying here stubbornly, using other sites (mainly cohost) tentatively

the main reason why i havent said or will say any more on this subject is because i dont want staff to pick me next for their banning orbital strike-- it's genuinely fucking me up on top of personal and world issues

[transmutationisms]

is it unfair for me to hold anger at individuals, or criticize individuals, if covid minimization is not the result of individualized choices but mass messaging and systems at work? im not really sure what to say to leftists who ive spoonfed information who have still decided to “move on” from it, including in their activism. on one hand i understand how they got here, on the other it feels like theyre enacting violence, in the same vein as like misgendering or supporting “blue lives matter” but with the added bonus of them maybe also harming someone directly by refusal to do infection control. i really need to shift my perspective away from a heavily trauma-informed one and start living in the real world where i cant expect anyone to advocate for me, and have to find more systems-based ways to advocate for myself, and releasing some of that anger might need to be a part of moving on from that pov, but a lot of that trauma *is* individualized and resulted from the way people have responded to me, which varies from lukewarm apathy to actively telling me my life isnt worth anything to them. at the same time, it’s impossible for me to feel like i’m not the one in the wrong, when it’s very few people left who care about any of this. sorry for dumping this on *you*, im aware you’re some guy online, but the only ppl i see who still talk about covid are ppl in the same situation as me and are too close to it to assess, or think about it purely on an individual level

i don't think there's anything wrong, bad, or unfair about feeling this type of anger or betrayal. i just also think that this is one of those situations where a (completely understandable) emotional reaction does not form the basis of an effective political platform. both of these things can be true at once; your ethical considerations when navigating interpersonal relationships are not the same as the ethical considerations for someone who wants to style themselves a public health communicator. in an epidemiological sense, a person who reluctantly masks because orgs and public spaces have mask mandates is accomplishing the same thing, materially, as a person who happily masks because they care about their disabled comrades. in that sense there's no need for a public health strategy to focus on 'changing minds' and doing so often just makes people dig in their heels more. but, on a personal level, of course it matters to you whether someone actually cares for you and protects you voluntarily! figuring out how to interact with people in your own life is just not the same as figuring out the most effective mass communication and public policy strategies; what irritates me about many of the twitter-sphere covid communicators is the elision between these two things. having said that, if i can just soapbox for a second:

i try to give these people the benefit of the doubt; i do think many of them mean well and think they are doing what's right. however, the strategy that many of them have coalesced around seems to go something like this: assume that others are not covid-cautious because they are insufficiently frightened; assume this is a failure of individual intelligence-slash-awareness; using the same datasets as the applicable public health agency, interpret all data with any number of assumptions, predictions, and modelling heuristics built in; generate very terrifying infographic, post it, and wring hands when doing so doesn't change anyone's behaviour or state policy.

even in the best of cases i simply think this is ineffective; i would say public attitudes about the seriousness of covid are much more a result of state and public health inaction, ambivalence, and denialism than they are a cause. additionally, interpreting data and making predictions based on them is woolly, and a lack of transparency about their methodology, plus the overconfident desire to present themselves as authorities on the internet, means that this strategy can and does end up producing its own distortions. see, for example, recent 'med twitter' claims that "covid is airborne aids", an attempt to scare people into taking it more seriously that relies on poor and overconfident interpretations of current immunological knowledge; that ends up distorting what we do actually know about covid and the immune system (which is already fucking scary! no lies needed!); and which, as far as i can tell, actually started picking up steam in early 2020 as a right-wing conspiracy theory centred around the claims of dr (not an md) leonard g. horowitz, who argues that covid is a laboratory-engineered virus and uses it in his efforts to sell "resonating silver hydrosol" supplements to you (and your pets!) as "an effective alternative to risky vaccinations and deadly antibiotics".

getting into bed with these people is patently dangerous for obvious reasons. i really do not blame people who are trying to find reliable covid information, and are rightfully wary of state and official sources that have been downplaying this virus for its entire existence, for getting sucked in by twitter doctors when those people are often the only ones who seem to be both posting statistics and taking the virus seriously. however, what i have observed leads me to believe that, firstly, many of these people are motivated by a desire for renown and fame as much as by altruism (welcome to social media). secondly, virtually all of them are fundamentally very liberal in their politics, and this shows in the way they interpret the current state of affairs as a result of individual actions and psychological failures, rather than capitalist policy. this is absurd and leads to absolutely pointless (if not often counterproductive) narrativisation of political action as some kind of magical field where everybody just needs to change their minds and believe in the correct things really hard and then things will change: it's the liberal democratic fantasy that aggregated attitudes create policy out of thin air, no organisation or class analysis or principled communism necessary.

thirdly, a multitude of factors (incl. the paywalling and gatekeeping of knowledge) means that, although state and official interpretations of their datasets are often misleading or outright dishonest because they want to minimise risk, too often the self-styled 'covid communicators' online are not a solution to this and are prone to their own fallacious assumptions, conspiratorial thinking (see again: understanding politics as the product of many individuals believing something really hard, with no analysis of structural factors), poor data analysis, issues with comprehensive data collection in the first place (same as state sources. because they are usually using the same datasets), and a particular rhetorical emphasis on "listening to the science" that often manifests practically as a failure to actually engage with scientific methodology or to questionor improve it where it is lacking, incomplete, or bias-reproducing.

so. these are my issues with the state of covid communication; to me the question of how to navigate interpersonal relationships with people who don't value your life enough to protect it is just very different and the emotional engagement there is also quite different.

[jambiscuits27]

Hi, I hope you're doing well. ❤️ I'm writing to you with full of hope to help me and my family. My family is in a very danger situation due to the ongoing war, and I've launched a GoFundMe campaign to save them. 😢 Could you please share my campaign post from my profile? Each share could be a lifeline for my family. 🙏 Feel free to share it in any other social media platform if you would like. Our campaign has been verified by operation olive branch, and is entry number 26 in their Master List on their spreadsheet. From the bottom of my heart I want to thank you in advance for all of your support and kindness.

Hiya and im fine thanks for asking!

If you are reading this then you have a chance to help Ahmed get his family out of Gaza. Not only that, but 2 members of their family, Haya and her sister Amal, suffer from severe allergies from penicillin-derived medication, so there is constant anxiety of them being given inappropriate medication due to the lack of suitable treatments in Gaza.

As of right now, €63,547 out of their €100,000 goal has been reached, so only halfway is left! Every € counts and if you are unable, even a simple reblog/share can help immensely

Gofundme description under cut:

“Dear Humanity,

I'm Haya from Gaza , from a family of 8 people: my parents, two sons, and four daughters (two of them suffer from allergies).

I've witnessed the evidence of the tragedy that has struck our lives in Gaza, where my family and I have survived amidst numerous previous wars. But today, we face the most dangerous and fierce battle in the current war. The urgent need intensifies for us, as we have nothing left and are unable to secure our basic needs such as food, water, and safe shelter.

Here is our story - On October 7th, our lives changed forever, my family and I evacuated from northern Gaza to southern Gaza, hoping to return soon, but it wasn't meant to be. Our home was surrounded, burned, and then completely destroyed, Our home, once a fortress of hope, now lay in ruins, a stark reminder of our shattered dreams.

The night before we left from the north to the south was terrifying. Shelling sounds were everywhere, making a loud noise that felt like it went through our souls. Every explosions shook the ground like earthquakes, sending shockwaves of fear through our trembling bodies. filling us with fear. The air smelled of destruction and blood, making it hard to breathe. When dawn came, we saw the devastation around us, realizing our home was now a symbol of loss and despair.

We ran into the streets and with each step we took into the unknown streets, we felt as if we were plunging deeper into the abyss of our shattered existence, leaving behind everything we own in our home: Clothes, important official documents, the car, and literally it's almost everything - the enormity of our loss weighed heavily upon us.

Our home it was where we found hope, safety, and made precious memories. Losing it felt like losing years of our lives, leaving us adrift amidst the wreckage of our shattered existence.

Desperate Plea: Escaping Gaza's Allergy Nightmare

I, Haya, suffer from severe allergy to penicillin-derived medications, and my sister, Amal, also suffers from severe allergies to medications from my family such as Paracetamol and Ibuprofen.

These allergies create a deep sense of fear and anxiety for us, as we live in a constant state of tension and fear of anything that may require a visit to the hospital. We fear being given inappropriate medications due to the unavailability of suitable treatments in Gaza because of war or lack of awareness and not informing the doctor of our allergies, which could lead to serious consequences threatening our lives.

This situation breeds a storm of doubts and worries, so we appeal to you to help us leave Gaza and rid ourselves of the anxiety and fear due to allergies.

MY Father Income

My father owns an automated food factory that produces a popular dish called "Maf'toul," named "Couscos Al-Sham." He established it in 1996 and distributed its products to all markets in the Gaza Strip, both north and south. Recently, he was seeking to export his product outside the Gaza Strip. However, when the war came, his factory was completely destroyed, ceased operation, and my father's income became zero.

Our dreams are heading towards oblivion in the labyrinth of an uncertain future

My story, along with my siblings, represents a united team of four individuals, three of whom are skilled programmers and one graphic designer. We work as freelancers in the world of freelancing.

Since the beginning of the war on October 7, 2023, our lives have come to a complete halt. There's no work, no workplace, not even electricity or communication. Our workplace was destroyed, and the entire infrastructure in our area was crippled, leading to the loss of all our projects and sources of income. Thus, my family and I have become without any means of livelihood.

As for my younger sister, she is a student studying at the College of Architecture. She has always carried a big dream in her heart, a dream of being part of changing Gaza, of making it more beautiful and better. She looked forward to the day when she would receive her degree and start building this dream. But the beginning of the war changed everything. The destruction of infrastructure and universities cast shadows of despair over her dreams.

Despite this, she continues to dream, working diligently to rebuild Gaza, to achieve her vision of a city full of life and beauty. Her story remains a story of resilience and hope, carrying within it a strong determination to succeed despite all challenges.

When I think of my brother in Belgium, I can't help but feel deep sadness. He has been suffering from unbearable anxiety and insomnia since the outbreak of the war. Sleep eludes him at night, and his physical and mental health collapses under the weight of these heavy burdens, negatively affecting his performance at work. Problems and challenges pile up in front of him without the slightest opportunity for rest.

We all feel psychological pressure and extreme anxiety. The war hasn't been limited to external attacks but has deeply infiltrated our daily lives. We search among the rubble for a little safety and the basic resources for survival. Every day comes with a new challenge that we must overcome.

As we sway amidst the rubble of shattered dreams, our souls wrestle and our hearts beat strongly challenging the ravages of war.

Our parents earnestly seek a way to rescue us from this hell, feeling the heavy responsibility for every moment we spend under the shadows of fear and destruction. They dream of a safe place where they can build for us a better future, filled with security and hope, for we deserve life in all its meanings of comfort and peace.

Perhaps this fundraising campaign represents a light in the midst of darkness, it is indeed the only hope we cling to firmly.

I appeal to the world as a whole to hear my cry and the mournful cry of my family in Gaza. We need the helping hand that reaches out to wipe our tears and build a bridge to safety.

Your donation is not just a donation; it's an opportunity to rebuild life and brighten a better tomorrow. Be part of our hopeful story, for we need your hand to start anew.

The purpose of the fundraising campaign

The goal of this fundraising campaign is to rescue my family - my parents, my siblings, and me - through the Rafah Crossing to Egypt, which currently requires $5000 per person. This campaign is our only chance to stay alive, and I humbly request your assistance at this critical time. I will provide you with a comprehensive breakdown of the expenses, committing to transparency and clarity.

Breakdown of Expenses

• Passport fees: €135 per person (a total of €945 for seven family members)

• Rafah/Egypt crossing: €5000 per person (a total of €35,000 for seven family members)

• Minimum living costs: €1,700 per month (a total of €10,200 for six months)

Thank you for your kindness and support.

.جزاكم الله خيراً

yours sincerely;

Haya Alshawish.”

[t-thedigitaldiary]

Sincerely yours,

(part 1)

author’s note: heey,everyone.Basically this the first fiction i’ve ever written and I’m pretty new to this platform so I’m not entirely familiar with how to make my posts pretty but I truly hope you like it :).Also,for the hashtags,this work of fiction is not at all related to Ellie Williams (although the aesthetic is inspired by her in a.u fictions) nor the tlou world.I just really wanna be a part of the tlou fandom in here,since i will be posting related artworks later on and bc im new,i thought this was a nice way to start :).Last but not least,this piece is extremely personal to me and truly reflects my feelings.Anyways,hope you enjoy!

Warnings!: poor mental health condition (mention of depression multiple times & trauma,not in great detail though),violence (basically someone being hit with a water bottle lol)

Sunday afternoon. Ugh, you hated Sunday afternoons. Not because, like most people, you hated the upcoming Mondays, but because it was dull. Extremely dull, empty. You are not sure if the reason behind this emptiness is depression, but you have accepted it either way. Now that you think about it, you hated almost every afternoon. For the same exact reason. Even though you used to love the darkness of the night, something about the sun setting has now become extremely unsettling to you. ‘’Vitamin D my ass! ‘’, you thought. It wasn’t always like this, though. Something about the last six months has turned you into a living dead, a zombie if you may! No, actually, ‘’something’’ is a very unfair description of the cause. More like ‘’a very specific experience’’ has turned you. You had lost all your livelihood, all your appetite about almost everything and, suddenly, Sunday afternoons were not just dull, they were depressing. Just like every other afternoon of the week, just like every other time of the day. Every day. For the last six months. Wow. You thought about change a thousand times before. You prayed and you prayed that things were going to get better. You desperately asked the universe for a sign. A sign that you were going to survive this and live a happy life. No sign, no change ever came. Except for this peculiar Sunday afternoon. (Not so dull now, is it?)

You were laying on your back on top of your unmade bed. Blank white tee, black shorts, the same ones you’ve been wearing for over a week now (depression really gets the best of you, huh?). You were sitting with open legs and open arms. Your right, sock covered foot was bent and was softly brushing over your bare left knee. You had your hands thrown on top of your head. Someone that had just entered the room would’ve thought that this is the position of someone highly frustrated. Little would they know. In your mentally uncomfortable but physically soothing position you found yourself begging again. ‘’Please, universe, just one sign is all I’m asking for!” . You truly were desperate. You hated the life you were living, a life created in fucked up ways. All you needed was a sign. A sign of change, a sign that things were going to get better.

*knock knock*

The loud knocks on your bedroom door brought you back to Earth. What the fuck?! You were home alone for the entire weekend and you specifically remember locking the front door (you even double checked!!!). Now, you were not just surprised, you were also terrified. Whoever was knocking on your door definitely was not here for a good reason..

*knock knock knock*

You had no more time to think about it, you had to act. You went full-on survival mode. Even though you didn’t like the life you were living, you still wanted to live. You believed in that change. You collected every drop of bravery you had in you, grabbed your water bottle, the biggest object near and prepared for whatever it was behind that door. The knocks became louder and louder. You were sure now that within a bunch of seconds you were about to fight for your life. You shut your eyes close and took one last big breath. One last big breath befor-

The last loud noise heard was not from the knocking. It was the sound that your bottle and someone’s head made after they collided together. Oh, and the one of the body hitting the floor.

​

[cuntymonkey]

Heavily inspired by a 2006 post by the former Eddsworld member, Tord himself. (No you did not see the accidental first post of this wdym hahahahahhahahahahaha)

Mood: the fuzz in your couch cushions

Music: Telephone Number by Junko Ohashi

Person of the year 2024

just to skip that intro, the wonderfully beautiful and equally terrifying woman I elect for person of the year (2024) so far is,

MORGAN‼️‼️‼️

Though none of you here really know who she is, i think everybody is pretty aware that we both are close friends. But I don’t think I’ve never really talked about her or introduced her, correct? I'm not very good with expressing myself through text, so hopefully she doesn't find me and send a nuke to my current living space. IM SORRY💔

Morgan, my best friend of about 2 years if my memory serves me correctly, has been with me through the fucking FAT and thin of life. 2023 was a ‘battle’ of childhood internet experiences but both of our stinky smelly reeky asses still came out intact. And to be honest, though the shit we had to go through to get here was very much questionable, I don't think l'd want to have it any other way.

We met in early 2023 (as slightly mentioned before), maybe March? And through that entire year (just to summarize it quick) we got into a huge friend group, watched that friend group tremble and break like a weak twig despite how strong it seemed to be when first uniting, and saw everybody slowly fade and split up towards their own paths down life. But the thing is we saw it together.

We saw all that shit together, we've fought but made our ways back to each other together, we've been able to open up about things together, we’ve stayed glued, throughout this weird kid stuff. Together.

We've added and talked on basically every platform either of us own, we've spend hours and hours talking all day on those aforementioned platforms, we've made like three or more collab playlists, played on basically every gaming platform we both share, the entire best friend care package.

But it never got boring. And when I was tired, when I was genuinely done with life in it’s goddamn entirety, she was always there to talk to me. To talk with me. Even when she didn't know what I was going behind the screen, she cared. She made me actually laugh. She made me actually smile. And she didn't ever judge me for feeling the way I did.

I'm sorry if this is cheesy, again, I don't know how to phrase things correctly when I have to type them out. It definitely is very cheesy, actually. I really hope you understand what I'm saying, Morgan. And whoever else is going to see this. But, waternugget,

YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME AND I LOVE YOY ANf imsmSO PPROUD OF YUOU FOR SDITL BBEING HHERHE HHAHRHRHRJRHRHRHBAHNTHSTNRHFKHEJR ILYILYILYILYILY MMWAMWA

So, to end this off (because to be honest I think I’ve written too much), Morgan:

great, supportive, caring, blunt (but I’d rather you be blunt then to sugar coat everything) friend

great artist (oh my golly gosh I am going to get all of your art PREGNANT)

great Morgan Wallen and Coke/Dr Pepper (etc etc) fan

sweet but salty as a person but just great in general (GGOOD WAY IM SORRY)

Thank you so much. My super best friend.

Keep yourself safe.

@msmorgan2 <3

[vollerey]

redacted tiktok, i dont like you. (warnings;; doxxing)

rantistg im so genuinely afraid of every fandom bc of the toxic side like bro pls??? its all so idfk.. spooky? shit startling? i mean ive been doxxed and shit or whatever (im ok! btw.) but like??? HELLO???? whats wrong with people? human decency is real? please show it?? this is directly specifically at tiktok and other platforms for like fandoms considering all of them act so… differently? like im comfortable with the tumblr crew fandom bc everyones usually nice.

its a 50/50 for EVERYTHING. a gamble—i guess. its a fucking gamble if ur a content creator like chillax?? chill the hell out guys? fuckin’ hell dude. i saw a specific post abt shit with the tiktok r—dacted side and mf im so happy i deleted tiktok to begin with. decency and respect is such a hot thing guys pls be nice.

anywho sorry for my major rant over here im just fucking out of it?? as a person who has gotten their shit tracked down from a … friend group before NOBODY who really laughs abt doxxing has any idea how fucking terrifying it is. no idea. i repeat,

if you do not like something you don’t need to interact with the post, IGNORE IT.

some people will enjoy the fucking story (sp. bright eyes) and maybe YOU wont. so ignore the god damn shit i swear to god it isnt that hard. literally dont even touch the posts if you hate it so much it makes you want to go and rant 50 pages about it. I UNDERSTAND ALSO. i do. but! people need to learn about… ✨opinions✨? i personally when i find videos/storylines i dislike i just dont.. listen to them?? i let other people enjoy them? ????

you can like complain abt it but dont force it to be taken down just because you dislike it. please. thank you.

[codecicle]

Read the intro post

wow what a cool and awesome person...

FUCKING 14 YOU ARE A CHILD MY GOOD SIR??? /LH

1: YOOOOOO YOU THINK IM A COOL AND AWESOME PERSON?? THANKS MAN :DD and 2: LMAOOOOOO YEA I AM!! I've been on here since I was like, 11-ish? not sure. my friend introduced me to tumblr during the beginning of my 7th grade year! (and fun fact: that same friend is both my mutual and the person that gave me my nickname actually!! which turned into my url ^_^)

anyway, I'm going to rant underneath your ask about being a child now im so sorry 😔

It's always been so weird being as young as I am both on tumblr and in the fandom space I'm currently a part of. Like realistically, a 14 y/o boy liking minecraft/mcyt sounds really normal but I don't know anyone my age that is open about being a part of this space. I think growing up on tumblr instead or twitter or tiktok honestly really helped when it comes to being happy in my intrests, since almost every other freshman to ever exist has no idea what this website is and they have no chance of ever finding my posts to make fun of me with them. I still use the other two, but I don't post and I only really open them when a cc like Charlie or Ted posts.

It's hilarious to me that because of my current intrests (jrwi and charlie in general) almost everyone that I'm friends with on here are much older minors or adults, mainly because charlie has a pretty mature and well rounded audience (THANK FUCKING GOD 🙏🙏), but also because everybody else my age that are in this fandom are on tiktok. Using tiktok for me and actually posting is kinda unsafe because of the way the tiktok contact sharing works? if someone from my classes finds it through "recommend accounts" then they can look through my account and harrass me if they recognize who it is. Not to steal a Charlie Slimecicle quote for a second, but I was rewatching an old podcast episode from the very beginning of 2020 and he described it as "elevated highschool" which I 100% agree with. Even 3 years later it's still very much just a higher form of highschool bullshit to have to deal with.

But since I don't post on tiktok I don't really have much to worry about!! My account is blank and it's the same @ as my url so nobody should recognize it and put a face to a name which im grateful for. However, being on tumblr isn't the greatest either;

People on here are all adults and I feel a little bit intimidated? In a sense? I understand that I'm a LOT different than most kids my age and I don't typically have anything to worry about but!! I feel like that's what makes it worse. The other people my age that were or still are on here don't understand tumblr etiquette, don't understand not to act like this is twitter and not have stupid cubito discourse, or just aren't funny? Idk I've just never found anyone my age (with the exception of like 3 of my mutuals you guys are amazing and I love you) that I can really talk to on here, so all of the friends I've made are much much older. I'm smart with who I talk to and how I talk to them so I'm safe don't worry!! My parents raised me right and online safety is such a wonderful thing, but one of my closest mutuals on here is in college right now, and the others are juniors or seniors in highschool. I kept my age out of my bio for so long but honestly that was because I was terrified I would scare away the people that I trusted so much because literally obviously it's going to feel weird for them to be mutuals with a genuine honest to god child. I'm relatively close to turning 15 so I'm getting less and less worried about stuff like that happening but eh that was still a real fear for a while.

Anyway sorry for the rant!! TLDR; highschool sucks, I'm scared of being this young on a platform and fandom full of adults and I have to be extra careful, and also charlie slimecicle is a pretty cool guy to look up to so I feel like him being [vine boom sound effect] my COMFORT STREAMER kinda works out in my favor ngl :D

[blvckleg]

.

[barkingcitrine]

Citrine Says #2

Is it just me or is everything incredibly boring now.. like games don’t hit like they used to anymore

[benchtrio-updates]

An important message from Ranboo:

Transcript underneath the cut!

(The pastebin link is [x]; I’m unsure as to who made it, but the person who posted it is Twitter user miskellanea!)

[START] [1/10] Hey guys, I wanted to talk about something here that has been weighing on my mind for quite a bit now. I talked about it on stream a little bit but I want to touch on it more here, please spread this message to other platforms as I am only putting it here because its easier for me to word my thoughts correctly here.

[2/10] Lately I have found myself in kind of a weird spot when it comes to my fanbase, I have seen stuff that I have tried again and again to stop yet people sadly dont seem to take my messages to heart when I tell them about my boundaries. I really do appreciate my fanbase and I know that most of you guys are absolutely great, and if you dont do any of the things im going to list then you just keep on being a good part of the community :D.

[3/10] Recently I have honestly been terrified.

[4/10] In case you didnt know I am a VERY anxious person, and whenever things and events keep on happening in regards to other creators and situations I keep on getting brought into it as an example. Whether it be people saying "Ranboo wouldnt do something like this" or "Ranboo did ????? so why cant this person do ?????". I ask you PLEASE to stop putting me on a high pedestal, as I am a person so thus I will make mistakes! And honestly I have been so scared, unnecessarily checking every single post that I make as well as not speaking about certain things because I am so scared of wording it wrong and making people upset because of the fact that I have an okay reputation. I am glad that you guys think of me as a good person, but consistently bringing me up and putting me above others because of what you think of me scares me so much because the higher you put me up the further I can fall.

[5/10] I am in no ways a perfect person. I have made mistakes and I have learned from those mistakes. Am I trying to not make mistakes? Yes. Will I make mistakes in the future? Absolutely. I am trying my hardest to be a good person but you guys have to understand that I am in no ways a perfect person, Im not even close. So PLEASE stop holding me to higher standards simply because I have not made a mistake yet because the more you do that the worse it will be WHEN I make a mistake.

[6/10] Now, this does NOT mean I am not okay with being educated/corrected. If I make a mistake I really do want you guys to inform me of what I did wrong and give me the opportunity to make it right! But this does NOT mean that I want you guys to put me under a microscope and try to find every little thing that I may do wrong because I am already putting myself under a microscope which has not been healthy for me as of late. So PLEASE stop bringing me up as an example of a "perfect cc" or an "unproblematic cc" because I know that if I get that label, the moment I mess up it will be much much worse.

[7/10] Am I a perfect person? NO. Am I trying to be a good person? Yes. I am trying to educate myself on issues as well as try and understand a lot of the troubles that many people go through in my fanbase to try and make the fanbase a better place, but if I am not allowed to be respectfully educated when I mess up then I am losing the ability to learn from my mistakes. I really do want to be a good person, but the stress of consistently trying to be perfect is really not healthy for me. Part of that does come from me however so I am trying to figure out how to manage that on my own, I mean I entered this situation having no idea how to handle a fanbase of any size and I have been learning as I go.

[8/10] Another thing that has been still happening which I have tried again and again to stop is people associating with me and then sending actual threats. Threats of any kind are NEVER okay with me. So if you want to associate any part of your profile pic, bio, etc. then PLEASE never do these kinds of things. Another thing is if you want to associate yourself with me, but get into an argument please try to do so respectfully! So please if you want to get into drama and you decide that you do not want to be respectful about it please do not associate your profile with me. However, I am completely okay with you guys calling out issues and being associated with me as long as you do so in a respectful and educated way! I encourage you guys to try and educate others, but please do it in a respectful way if possible! (I do understand that it may be hard to do it in a respectful manner in some cases, so if you do decide to act in that manner please do not associate your page with me as if enough people see the same common denominators in a profile they will give the fanbase a "toxic" label.)

[9/10] If it will actually make the community, situation, or heck even the world a better place then that is completely okay! But if it is just an insult or a threat that does not add to a discussion then please do not associate your profile with me as it makes me uncomfortable! I tried my best to word this in the way that I was thinking but I know that some things may have not been worded in the best way so I will clarify if needs be!

[10/10] (PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THIS WAS WORDED WRONG! THANK YOU! TLDR: I want to be able to continue to interact with my community, but sadly the stuff that I have seen in SOME (absolutely not all) areas has really rubbed me the wrong way. I really want this message to stick this time, I have tried again and again to establish these boundaries yet I continue to see more and more that just really breaks my heart. [END]

[serpenteve]

Hii, I didn't know with whom to share this and then I thought of you!

This antis are giving me these 18th-19th century vibes when expressing independent opinions that clashed against the status quo was deemed a near crime. Ex- Anne with an E when the female teacher Miss Stacey is condemned for her unique knowledge and wearing pants and many more period dramas where a certain group of people are like - "Dishoner on your family!", "Disgrace to our society!", "Think of lil children!", "You learn what we teach you, must not impure your image with sinful opinion!", "You know nothing!", infantalization women, misogyny etc. and that has always enraged me. Just like how old tropes are subverted and then re-subverted bringing the former back, I feel like those 'traditions' are making their back here. And That is terrifying.

There does seem to be a resurgence of purity culture rhetoric and policing in fandom spaces and I also don't think that's coincidental considering all the terfy bullshit going around on this platform as well.

I was initially annoyed with people calling this "purity culture" because this is a term that usually refers to evangelical pearl-clutching about women's hymens but the attitude, arguments, and even policing about what is and isn't acceptable to ship in fandom is very similar to what I experienced growing up.

The problem is that culturally we are still very uncomfortable with women's sexualities. In church, women must not even have sex drive lest they get shamed for it. In fandom, women can only be attracted to whatever the fandom police deem "pure enough" or "acceptable". The fact that people can ship something toxic like Darklina or dare to have alternative character interpretations or wanted the narrative to allow Alina to be a little more evil or ruthless is too "problematic" to express. But the thing is, people's shipping preferences or fictional interests are just never going to be PC or good enough for polite society. That doesn't make them abuse apologists or evil people in real life. Are we going to go after BDSM community because they are "romanticizing abuse" next? Or harass actors because they like to play villainous characters? Because it's all made-up, it's a safe place for people to explore a toxic dynamic without the actual drama of one.

There's also this narrative that Darklina shippers are either (1) deluded little girls who need to be educated about the toxicity of their own ship or (2) old hags who are intruding on a fandom space that apparently has an age limit of 20 and need to get back in the kitchen. So we can already see the patriarchal assumptions in the narratives themselves: you are either a pure infantalized little girl who needs someone to tell you right from wrong or you're a grown woman who needs to do her womanly duty instead of participating in fandom. Gee, why does this sound so awfully familiar to me 🙄

Every other day, there's a new post in the #darklina tag from a "concerned" fan who feels compelled to talk down to shippers and say "Well, actually, the fact that you guys still ship Darklina after everything he did just proves Leigh's point that you're all stupid whores who would welcome abuse if it had a good jawline 😌". Or a "confused" fan who's compelled to say "How can people ship Darklina? Literally what is wrong with you? Are you fucked in the head to ship X with Y? I'm so glad I'm not like that uwu 😌"

Like, do these people have such little faith in women that they feel compelled to constantly cringe and post PSAs on the dangers of a sexy jawline? How little faith do they have in themselves that they are so obsessed with making sure a group of shippers (who have always acknowledged and always historically acknowledged the toxic aspects of their ship) are sent anonymous hate mail? That they think all this is okay because they can hide under the banner of "activism" and "concern for women's safety" or "think of the children!".

I've seen it all before in church. People who can't stand that others have a mind and body of their own or dare to have fun "the wrong way" and need to be reminded about their "true" social role in society. People who need to constantly slut-shame you because something about your actions reminds them of some part of themselves they are deeply ashamed of and can't acknowledge. People who are just looking for an excuse to be an asshole and are thrilled to hide behind "well im just helping silly little girls spot abusers" rhetoric.

[end3rs-eye]

Here's what Ranboo said in Ranmail last night for those who aren't subbed

(TLDR at the end)

Hey guys, I wanted to talk about something here that has been weighing on my mind for quite a bit now. I talked about it on stream a little bit but I want to touch on it more here, please spread this message to other platforms as I am only putting it here because its easier for me to word my thoughts correctly here.

Lately I have found myself in kind of a weird spot when it comes to my fanbase, I have seen stuff that I have tried again and again to stop yet people sadly dont seem to take my messages to heart when I tell them about my boundaries. I really do appreciate my fanbase and I know that most of you guys are absolutely great, and if you dont do any of the things im going to list then you just keep on being a good part of the community :D.

Recently I have honestly been terrified. In case you didnt know I am a VERY anxious person, and whenever things and events keep on happening in regards to other creators and situations I keep on getting brought into it as an example. Whether it be people saying "Ranboo wouldnt do something like this" or "Ranboo did ????? so why cant this person do ?????". I ask you PLEASE to stop putting me on a high pedestal, as I am a person so thus I will make mistakes! And honestly I have been so scared, unnecessarily checking every single post that I make as well as not speaking about certain things because I am so scared of wording it wrong and making people upset because of the fact that I have an okay reputation. I am glad that you guys think of me as a good person, but consistently bringing me up and putting me above others because of what you think of me scares me so much because the higher you put me up the further I can fall.

I am in no ways a perfect person. I have made mistakes and I have learned from those mistakes. Am I trying to not make mistakes? Yes. Will I make mistakes in the future? Absolutely. I am trying my hardest to be a good person but you guys have to understand that I am in no ways a perfect person, Im not even close. So PLEASE stop holding me to higher standards simply because I have not made a mistake yet because the more you do that the worse it will be WHEN I make a mistake.

Now, this does NOT mean I am not okay with being educated/corrected. If I make a mistake I really do want you guys to inform me of what I did wrong and give me the opportunity to make it right! But this does NOT mean that I want you guys to put me under a microscope and try to find every little thing that I may do wrong because I am already putting myself under a microscope which has not been healthy for me as of late. So PLEASE stop bringing me up as an example of a "perfect cc" or an "unproblematic cc" because I know that if I get that label, the moment I mess up it will be much much worse.

Am I a perfect person? NO. Am I trying to be a good person? Yes. I am trying to educate myself on issues as well as try and understand a lot of the troubles that many people go through in my fanbase to try and make the fanbase a better place, but if I am not allowed to be respectfully educated when I mess up then I am losing the ability to learn from my mistakes. I really do want to be a good person, but the stress of consistently trying to be perfect is really not healthy for me. Part of that does come from me however so I am trying to figure out how to manage that on my own, I mean I entered this situation having no idea how to handle a fanbase of any size and I have been learning as I go. Another thing that has been still happening which I have tried again and again to stop is people associating with me and then sending actual threats. Threats of any kind are NEVER okay with me. So if you want to associate any part of your profile pic, bio, etc. then PLEASE never do these kinds of things. Another thing is if you want to associate yourself with me, but get into an argument please try to do so respectfully! So please if you want to get into drama and you decide that you do not want to be respectful about it please do not associate your profile with me. However, I am completely okay with you guys calling out issues and being associated with me as long as you do so in a respectful and educated way! I encourage you guys to try and educate others, but please do it in a respectful way if possible! (I do understand that it may be hard to do it in a respectful manner in some cases, so if you do decide to act in that manner please do not associate your page with me as if enough people see the same common denominators in a profile they will give the fanbase a "toxic" label.) If it will actually make the community, situation, or heck even the world a better place then that is completely okay! But if it is just an insult or a threat that does not add to a discussion then please do not associate your profile with me as it makes me uncomfortable! I tried my best to word this in the way that I was thinking but I know that some things may have not been worded in the best way so I will clarify if needs be! (PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THIS WAS WORDED WRONG! THANK YOU!)

TLDR: I want to be able to continue to interact with my community, but sadly the stuff that I have seen in SOME (absolutely not all) areas has really rubbed me the wrong way. I really want this message to stick this time, I have tried again and again to establish these boundaries yet I continue to see more and more that just really breaks my heart.

[papirouge]

Sorry for using your inbox to vent, but im literally so fucking tired of misogynystic christians on Tumblr. Like the ammount of christian males here who absolutely hate women is simply astounding... And i was just visiting this guys Tumblr blog where he refered to women as bitches and whores, said we were subjective and emotional and that women simple werent as smart as men... And then he had the audacity to say that women hate each other! Men who claim that always seem to be projecting.

First thing first, I don't think anyone speaking that way about women is a Christian to begin with lol BUT you have a point in that some "Christian" men on this platform entertain a weird hate boner for women and the most infuriating thing is......that it gets unchecked because Christian women are TERRIFIED of being assimilated with feminist by calling out outspoken misogyny!!!

I've seen waaay too much Christian girls who came out like the "not like other girls" mingling with incel tier 𝖓𝖚 𝖙𝖗𝖆𝖉𝖒𝖊𝖓 clowning women on the regular, and make posts stating how they don't like being other women bEcAuSe thEy'Re sO cATtY.... Interestingly, you'll NEVER see any man say they dislike being around other men....🤔 *something, something about female socialization to devalue fellow women as a come up🥴*

The other day there was a post from a Christian woman celebrating Women's Day and she was like "yeah, I know this is a feminist celebration but celebrating women is important 🥺" and I was like WHO CARES IF THAT'S A FEMINIST THING?? SINCE WHEN IS CELEBRATING WOMEN "FEMINIST"? BABE IF YOU WANT TO USE IT AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO SHOUT OUT WOMEN JUST DO IT😭 IDG this defensiveness about celebrating womanhood and make a PSA for everyone to know this is totally not remotely affiliated to these heathens of feminists lmao ...Like, who cares? Do you think these male Christian LARPers reblogging from groomers and misogynists feel compelled to pull out "I don't endorse these toxic masculinity behaviors but I like this post uwu" disclaimer??? THEY DON'T CARE!! so should any Christian woman whenever tackling "feminists" topics. Speaking up about embracing your womanhood and the importance to defend women is not unbiblical or sinful, so this tiptoeing about it is crazy to me!!

A few days ago I got a fall out with a Christian girl (in retrospect, not sure if she was truly saved seeing how toxic and unnecessary rude she turned out about it) who literally freaked out when I pointed out that man-strocking didn't help men and rather blindsided them about their own flaws and shortcomings.

To be a king, one have to behave like such, and it's ridiculous to see how some Christian women are out there raving about men for simply existing or doing the bare minimum when men will NEVER return the favor. I am not saying this for them to stop doing this (they can be simp if they can see fit, I'm not their mom), but....maybe this unbalanced dynamic should ring some bells?

Sorry but you can't mock feminists for doing the most about womanhood while doing the same for men lol At least feminist are doing something ultimately benefitting for them (women). Women man-strocking men? not that sure. Horny tradmen on this hellsite aren't that much of a catch, if you see what I mean...

And no, I'm not talking about complimenting (I know that some men do compliment women), I'm talking about "man-strocking" and the imperious need of some (Christian) women to elevate maleness 'as a concept', ultimately making mediocre Christian male entitled & blindsided about their own shortcomings ......ofc this argumentation literally flew over her head and she started cussing me out and accused me of "only following people who hate men"🥴 (See? the female socialization to white knight for men while men are paying you DUST. lmao)

And yes, these toxic men LOVE pretending we hate each other, but watch them coping and seething whenever they see women sticking together and taking none of their crap lol. That's why they hate feminists so much imo It's more than because "it's not Christian" otherwise, they would have as much energy to call out all the un-Christ-like behaviors the fellas they're rubbing shoulders with routinely endorse.

[nothorses]

I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, and I worry about saying this off anon but I want to actually, be a face as I do. When I came out I knew I wasn't cis, and I was lucky enough to have the support of two wonderful trans partners, but I had an extremely hard time finding my place in the trans community. I am pro MOGAI and new, hyperspecific terms because I know how important it can be to want to put a name, a flag, and individual pride to your identity. 1/?

I switched my own terms quite a lot, from demigirl to genderfae to genderflux to where I am now, genderfluid. But I remember there was a moment, because I was so sure I was only female aligned, where I thought for just a moment that I might be a boy, and I was terrified, I didnt want to be a boy, I didnt want to be "that trans." Like every trans person, I struggled with internalized transphobia, not feeling valid or true enough in my identity, 2/15

But that dreadful feeling of being Scared of being a boy is something I think about a lot, and something I think is truly telling. I'll admit I primarily (only) use tumblr because social media honestly isnt my thing, so I can only speak to what I've seen here, but I remember seeing so little about trans men, other than the occasional mention in broad positivity posts, the even rarer info about binding or passing, but I did see how much people hated men. 3/15

It was always implied to be about cis men, I've been spared the more modern issues regarding overt hatred of trans men, but I saw the constant anger and vitriol and genuine hatred for men. And I realize now I wasnt just scared of being "too trans" I was scared of being hated. So I made myself nonthreatening, I called myself a boy, I performed femininity to an even higher, though subversive standard, because I was still so scared of being a man. The enemy. The oppressor. 4/15

It took many more months to dare say I wanted to call myself a man, and even then I was scared, in the comfort and safety of my girlfriend's company. I felt dirty saying it, and I still do. I always only dare to refer to myself as a trans man, instead of just as a man. And I do want to sidetrack for a moment and say my relationship to gender, as a genderfluid person, is admittedly more complex than just when I feel this way, in other ways people are also particularly hateful towards, 5/15

But even with those other facets, and my fear of being open in them, pale in comparison to my relationship with masculinity. Because when I did come out and admit to myself that sometimes, I am not a woman, or nonbinary, I am a man, I became more aware of things. I exited wonderland, so to say. Suddenly I became so much more aware of how much people simply did not care about me or people like me, and especially not our problems or concerns. 6/15

I saw how invisible I was, and worse than that, I saw a very subtle malice. The only mention of trans men were in those broad positivity posts including everyone under the trans umbrella, or in the rare case something was positive exclusively for trans men, it was always reblogged with "dont forget trans women/enby people" tacked on, I remember once I looked in the trans tag and counted how many posts it took to find one exclusively about trans men that didnt mention binding 7/15

I got into the forties. Because on other posts, I would see people make passive aggressive remarks about how "trans men are talked about too much" or "there's all these resources for trans men, what about trans women" and I wanted to know on what earth the people who said that were living on, because the only, and I mean the only thing people tend to talk about in regards to trans men is how to safely bind, and rarely, the effects of HRT. 8/15

This happened a while ago, but I remember seeing a number of posts on my dash about how much representation trans men receive. I believe there was a panel about trans people, where a majority of the panelists were trans men, and trans women were less represented than them. They encouraged people to complain, said we received too much attention, and pointed at mythical trans male rep in media that in reality, I could count on one hand. I remember being so angry and passionate about it 9/15

Now im honestly just tired. I dont feel accepted by the trans community, and even the trans male community is iffy (I fit in amongst mogai people most, but I cant deny trumeds are particularly prevalent, and it wore on me), and it's so tiring to have every post made by trans men for trans men have to be preambled by belittling themselves and downplaying their own suffering. I just want to exist in peace, but I feel like that's too much to ask. 10/15

I've reached a point of exhaustion that I have become entirely apathetic to my own gender, what was once a deeply important aspect of my identity. I feel disconnected from it, and as a consequence from my own body. I don't bother examining it anymore because I can't feel it, as someone who suffers from dissociation, I feel dissociated from it in order to protect myself, something I was once so openly proud about. 11/15

Im scared to try and push for transition, for my own personal reasons, but now on top of those Im terrified of being silenced and belittled and hated for something that should make me happy. I've tried so hard not to feed into the lateral violence and become embittered towards trans women, because that's not fair, but I won't lie and say it hasnt been hard when I have seen more than I ever would've liked be so willing to ignore or outright throw their brothers under the bus 12/15

And of course there are even more who do show their support for their brothers, and for that im thankful, but this invisibility effects how I perceive everything. I feel like I've been pushed back into the closet, I say im trans because I know I'm not cis but I don't even know who I am, what my place is, and I'm scared to explore because I'm scared that who I am will be violently rejected by the people meant to support me. I want to be free to even explore who I am. 13/15

I wish people would listen to my experiences and what I have to say, but in every microaggression every act of ignoring I feel silenced. Trans men are viewed as predatory, just in a different way; trans men are fetishized and have chasers; trans men face higher rates of violence and sexual assault for being trans men; research about transmasc transition is almost nonexistent, and new, better surgeries are not even thought about; transmasc history is erased and silenced. 14/15

I, feel like im rambling at this point, and I'm sorry I've been so longwinded, I just. I want to thank you, for creating a space where I can speak my truth, because before finding your blog I didn't think anyone would care. I feel like I have so much more to say but honestly im scared, and too tired, and have said enough for now. I just want this feeling of loneliness to go away and hopefully I'll find a way to accept myself. Thank you for listening to me, and giving me a platform to speak 15/15

(Edited the numbers for accuracy)

Thank you for trusting me with this, and to other folks: I think this is an important narrative to listen to and share!