#post-15x20

[casdeans-pie]

Dean surviving the dumb fight with the vampires in the barn after Cas suddenly flew in and healed him before it was too late. But Dean is totally unaware that Cas actually time travelled to save him and he should really still be dead.

Cas was given archangel levels of power by Jack after he rescued him from the Empty and then he willingly burned them all up jumping back and changing fate so significantly - by saving Dean.

Now he'll be forever at low angel power again, like being permanently on battery saver mode.

Cas was warned not to, but he took the timeline and tore it into itty bitty pieces because he couldn't let Dean die.

Jack is equally both mad and proud of his dad for saving Dean, even if he kind of messed with the fabric of reality and shredded his own powers so badly.

OG Death is back from his vacation (he didn't die, you can't kill Death) and he threatens Cas that this is The Very Last Time he's letting Dean Winchester escape dying, as a thank you for finally getting rid of Chuck. (He's secretly pleased Dean survived.)

So now Cas is really pushing for Dean to retire from hunting. He's even hanging around the bunker more, eating and drinking and sleeping even though he's still technically an angel, and Dean has no idea why. And Cas would rather go back to the Empty than tell him what he did and what he sacrificed to bring him back.

And that he'd do it all again.

[strawlessandbraless]

I mean we already know Dean can take 9 inches

[sirlancenotalot]

an unnecessary woman - rabih alameddine /spn 5x16 - dark side of the moon + spn 1x18 + something wicked • how to wear your mother's lipstick - warsan shire / spn 12x22 - who we are • luvbug - icarus / spn 4x03 - in the beginning + spn 1x01 - pilot + spn 2x21 - all hell breaks loose (part 1) + spn 3x16 - no rest for the wicked • mother wound healing: why it's crucial for women / spn 14x18 - absence + spn 15x20 - carry on • susan smith - wych elm / spn 4x21 - when the levee breaks / spn 12x02 - mamma mia • motion sickness - phoebe bridgers / spn 12x22 - who we are • spn 12x14 - the raid / elektra - sophocles • spn 1x09 - home + spn 2x01 - in my time of dying / mamma told me - mother mother

[catnipster69]

Episode 1x11 "Scarecrow"

Episode 2x22 "All Hell Breaks Loose Part 1"

Episode 4x2 "Are You There God? It’s Me, Dean Winchester"

Episode 7x3 "The Girl Next Door"

Episode 7x5 "Shut up, Dr. Phil"

Episode 7x22 "There Will Be Blood"

Episode 8x9 "Citizen Fang"

Episode 8x19 "Taxi Driver"

Episode 8x22 "Clip Show"

Episode 15x20 "Carry On"

[silver-stake-through-the-heart]

Adam (4x19) 🤝 Dean (15x20) dying because John Winchester was a lame hunter and couldn't finish a job.

[beautysurvives]

The Idealized (Cloth Mother) Mary As A Representation Of Dean’s Soul

*warning, I’m gonna use a lot of gendered terms and stereotypes, but these don’t reflect my real world way of thinking. I’ll be saying things like “divine feminine” and “feminine” in general not as material absolutes, but just as shorthand to discuss the recurring themes and use of male and female archetypes in supernatural*

having thoughts I can’t yet fully articulate connected connected to this edit

Amara representing “the divine feminine,” the Darkness to Chuck’s Light, being the thing released by removing the mark of cain— the whole mark of cain arc being triggered by Dean’s inability to kill Abaddon, but also his inability to let Sam die in s8 and his choice to save him against his will in a way that denies his autonomy and leaves them both at the mercy of an abusive parental figure (Gadreel) — the moc itself symbolizing the idea of masculinity as strength and independence.

And then Amara, the fact that, without the mark, Dean can’t kill her, even though he wants to and believes that he should. Dean’s connection with Amara being rooted in their roles as narrative foils. Amara herself being revealed to be extremely empathetic, to be acting out of grief and rejection, being very old and powerful but also young and unknowledgeable about the world. And her believing that the thing Dean needs the most is Mary — so that he can see that she’s just a person. That she’s flawed. That she’s a lot like him.

Mary coming into the world in the same year as Jack — Jack who never would’ve been conceived if Cas hadn’t freed Lucifer — if Cas hadn’t been dealing with his own feelings of physical inadequacy and powerlessness — if Cas hadn’t similarly been struggling with an overabundance of empathy, the thing that made him decide to spare Metatron, the thing that made him feel intense guilt over the times that he hurt Dean, pain over the way that Dean hurt him — and if Cas hadn’t hesitated to kill Kelly and her unborn baby even though he believed it was the right thing to do.

The soul representing empathy, kindness, the ability to feel — traits associated with femininity. How the soul, like Amara to Chuck, represents the female self. How Dean felt that he was never allowed to be a child, because he was being both a father and a mother to Sam. The way Dean — who, at his most comfortable state, is childlike — associates his memory of Mary, the feminine/maternal ideal, with his own state of childlike innocence and ignorance.

And then Jack’s birth — Crowley is the first to die, then Cas, at around the same time as Kelly— and then Mary is taken away. And this is a Mary who, in Dean’s perspective, has finally come around to performing her motherly role by protecting him and Sam. All season, Dean has been advocating for keeping Jack and Kelly alive, finding a way to save them. Cas was the one who wanted to kill them but ultimately couldn’t go through with it. Like Mary — like Kelly — he goes on a journey that leads him to empathy and faith in Jack. Leads him to see Jack as his son.

After losing these softer, idealized parental figures, Dean immediately reverts to his moc self — the kind of person he was in Hell, the kind of person he became after John died, the kind of person John encouraged him to be while hunting —

The self that preferred not having a soul — the self that preferred to not feel. This version of him believes that Mary must be dead, that Cas can’t be brought back.

Once Jack achieves these things for him, Dean’s metaphorical soul is restored. Mary is back in their lives, and for the first time she’s committed to staying —

But, like Dean, like this whole family, she is still so empathetic that it becomes a fatal flaw within the narrative. She was willing to stay in Apocalypse World, apart from her children, because those people needed her too. Dean, when the moc enabled him to ignore his soul, killed the Styne kid (an obvious Sam parallel) without hesitating — but without the mark, he risked his life to save baby Amara.

Amara, like Mary, is the part of Dean that he inherited or modeled after his mother. It’s the thing that drove Delphine to sacrifice herself in The Vessel — the thing that made Dean offer to stay and use the Hand of God himself — her warning that its power would corrupt him, her decision to use it herself because she knew she was supposed to die anyways. The reason that she needed Dean to be the one to kill her to remove the warding — she wasn’t “strong” enough to do it to herself. She wasn’t strong in the stereotypically masculine, unfeeling, reckless way that Dean is expected to be — that Sam often is, especially soulless Sam (who, interestingly, relied on Dean to be his conscious/soul)

Mary’s constant presence in the narrative — what Mary believes a good person and especially a good mother and wife should be — self sacrificial — is the reason that Dean says yes to Michael, the reason that he plans to lock himself in a box without telling anyone, the reason that Cas makes the empty deal, and part of the reason that Jack uses his powers to kill Michael even though he knows that it will cost him his soul.

So yes, it makes sense that it’s Jack who kills her. It makes sense that she’s even here with him in this scene — because she’s been trying to make up for her absence in Sam and Dean’s life, and he’s her chance. And, as she always does, she throws herself in harms way to protect them — and to protect Jack. Her final death scene has always annoyed me, because it felt so out of character and forced, but I can accept the idea that this was her doing what she was never able to do with Sam and Dean. Being there.

And why does Jack unintentionally kill her? Because she’s making him feel things, like a pesky soul. Her behavior — her actively caring about him — is making him feel afraid, weak, out of control. So he gets rid of her.

Everybody wants the cloth mother, but in this world of extreme violence that requires you to not feel and not empathize and be completely self sufficient, her presence is a hindrance. When she dies, suddenly it’s a no brainer for Dean to convince Sam to do to Jack what he wanted to do to himself all season — to lock him in a box, where he can’t hurt anyone. What Chuck ordered his sons to do to Amara. Dean has lost this symbol of his soul — like accidentally freeing Michael from the closet in his mind — being weak and letting your enemy surprise you, letting your guard down, failures that Dean always beats himself up for the way his father did with him.

Which is why Dean’s betrayal of Amara in season 15 is so so interesting to me. Lying to her is a risk to his own safety, that he knows can end badly. But it is also a test of his strength and his ability to kill the thing inside him that Mary represents — because remember, he’s angry with Amara for even bringing her back. He decides that it was meaningless, not real — like Jack’s failed attempt to resurrect Mary, empty. So trying again to kill Amara through deception and betrayal is a test of his ability to do “the right thing” no matter the personal cost. Even if it hurts. Just wanting his mother back led her to die again. Just that scene of emotional honesty and mutual understanding between himself and Amara in the s11 is the reason that any of this happened — it’s the part of the story that he blames on himself, and his weakness.

It’s not just that he’s willing to kill Jack, or willing to shoot Sam, but that, even after being told that he would die, that everyone he loved would die, he’s still willing to do it. He has to be. It’s not anger at any of these individuals that’s fueling his choice — because he does love them. It’s Mary’s death, and the symbolic death of his emotional, vulnerable, child self that, like Jack, wants to be loved and accepted and forgiven. It’s giving into the other child self — the side of him that is like Chuck, the masculine half of creation — that, like soulless Jack, or occasionally Sam or Cas, denies responsibility and looks for someone, a more powerful figure, like Mary or Amara, God, Heaven, Cas (pre 15x09) — to blame.

Doing all this for the sake of killing Chuck, but especially killing Amara along with him (which Sam was onboard for UNTIL it became clear that he and his loved ones would also die, because for him Amara’s freedom means “the monsters win” and that he and Dean would turn into monsters) — is a denial of Dean’s inner truth.

But what I can’t get over is the fact that not going through with that is what makes them miss their chance to defeat Chuck this time. Billie appears and berates them, and informs them that Jack might’ve survived — it reminds me of Rowena’s sacrifice at the top of the season, how her death led her to go to “the right place,” as the queen of hell — and how Sam was, initially, somewhat okay with the idea of Mary dying, because he knew that she was back in Heaven, at peace. That Billie just wants everyone to go where they belong (where they were originally, or where they were predestined to be) that, for many seasons, they’ve been toying with — getting close to — sealing the gates to Heaven and Hell. That the series culminates with Jack — a symbol of union, a thing that keeps the tfw family, especially Cas and Dean, together —but also a symbol of the three of them being unwilling to let each other go — disappearing. Sam and Dean going to Heaven. Cas being in the Empty, never able to see them again. Not even conscious — feeling nothing. Not existing. This coinciding with not only the AU hunters being erased from the narrative, but also everyone who has been family to them (mostly, female characters like the wayward sisters) just… out of sight out of mind

It still just makes me wonder about the way that Sam and Dean are positioned in this season, because I’ve always felt like Dean gets the short end of the stick here. And going back to the way that Sam was motivated by his fear of Chucks bad ending where the monsters/Amara win — Amara being a symbol of Mary, someone that Sam had never really gotten to know up until her return from apocalypse world, except through Dean’s memories of her. How the thing that Sam really wanted was any sort of relationship with her — something Dean had that he never got. Sam doesn’t treat Mary as a mother as much as a colleague / friend — maybe even a coparent to Jack while Dean is missing/possessed. But Sam is more at peace with her death after he gets this. For me it just connects to how Sam has always sort of viewed Dean, as sort of specter of Mary — which is both a good and bad thing, but more often than not is bad. Dean is his obligation to stay in the life, to stay with his family, his soul when he doesn’t have one — and often, the person he blames when he makes choices with world ending consequences— or choices that put innocent people at risk, like freeing Dean from the mark at the expense of Cas and Charlie, ultimately freeing the Darkness.

The fact that Dean himself says that his death is good. Like Cas, like Jack, like Mary, he either dies or happy or becomes happy in the afterlife. The fact that the whole story for Dean and Sam, could start with Mary’s deal to save John — that she is a God to them, and that Jack, who brings Cas back to life and saves Mary, becomes God — I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know.

[classycoffeecat]

Happy DESTIEL IS CANON - ARM AROUND DEAN Day!! 💙💚

[soulmates-for-real-tranquility]

Barniversary 💔

[clairenatural]

Jack was like hey I have to go pick up Dean from the 1970s because he's meddling in the timeline do you want to come. And Cas thought about having to face the consequences of his actions and said how about I'll just see you when you get back :)

[dryaddean]

i have some thoughts about the finale. i don't hate it, i just find it hilariously stupid and nonsensical.

Cas helped. let's suppose Cas is out of the Empty and powerful enough to be working on restoring Heaven by the time Dean is dying on the rebar. Cas doesn't lift a finger to help him, in my opinion, selfishly because this is how he gets Dean to "come home" to him. i'm just trying to follow the writers' logic: Cas is around + Cas lets Dean die = Cas is fine with Dean dying. Dean is now literally in Cas' sandbox. yay?

let's suppose Jack had decreed that angels don't meddle in the affairs of humans, including Dean. when was the last time Cas, the indomitable Mr. Crack in His Chassis, was shown to be any good at following orders, especially where Dean is concerned?

Cas let Dean go on believing he was in the Empty, unreachable. ergo, i'm inclined to believe that that same Cas actively chose not to get involved in Dean's final death. it's very selfish but also very funny.

And your mom and dad... they got a place over yonder. omg let these people get away from each other. John and Mary-once-risen-twice-died are completely different people from who they were when they last were together (discounting 14x13). the fact that the line is delivered by Bobby when this Mary and AU-Bobby got it on close to her death is pretty rich.

and have we forgotten this (5x03)?

CASTIEL What about you? DEAN What about me? I don't know. Honestly, I'm good. I can't believe I'm saying that, but I am, I'm really good. CASTIEL Even without your brother? DEAN Especially without my brother. I mean, I spent so much time worrying about the son of a bitch. I mean, I've had more fun with you in the past twenty-four hours than I've had with Sam in years, and you're not that much fun. It's funny, you know, I've been so chained to my family, but now that I'm alone, hell, I'm happy.

he had just once let himself be unburdened of the duty to family drilled into him by his father. he had in Cas a shining example of defying conditioning and paving one's own way. It's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. It's been more that a long time. Years. are we supposed to believe he was happy post-15x18? over and over again, he kept falling into the same rut of carrying the weight of the whole world on his shoulders, of assuming the burden of responsibility, of familial duty. whose idea of heaven was it that the same man who had once expressed feeling chained to his family is now chained to his family for eternity? it's sickening.

lastly, considering that we know families are confined together, let's remember that Sam was married, with a son. i think this is something a lot of people who celebrate the brothers reuniting in Heaven tend to overlook, that soon enough Sam will be joined by his wife and son and perhaps his family too, and so it goes. who actually thinks Dean will care to stick around these virtual strangers?

i think he'd rather be off with his angel who has the power to carve out their own little piece of heaven. <3

[sunforgrace]

no but the thing is the thing is orpheus turns and. you’re early. i missed you. he sacrifices his life to save his love and he still dies at 41

[perfectthewayyouare]

breaking news: jared shares information about a lost spn episode that never aired

[monstermoviedean]

none of it mattered. the pain, the suffering, every lesson learned the hard way. the love, the joy, the care, every sacrifice made for love. the people dean loved. it didn't matter. none of it mattered. not in the end.

[sirlancenotalot]

family museum of the ancient postcards - stephanie powell watts / spn: 3x16 + 15x20 + 4x01 + 5x18 + 12x23 + 13x01 + 2x21 + 5x22 + 5x16 + 13x21 + 1x01 + 14x18 / spn: 6x20 - the man who would be king / elektra - sophocles (trans. anne carson / liberation - louise glück

[jinkieswouldyoulookatthis]

So when DJ's life is finally over and he gets to Heaven, he is greeted by his dad and the uncle he was named after but never met. DJ recognizes Dean right away though, there were photos of him all over his dad's house. They all sit on the porch, of the house the brothers share, and sip on perfectly cold beers while DJ tells them all about his life. When he mentions his wife, Sam's eyes go wide and his jaw does a weird thing. Her name was Samani and she was a lawyer. Dean choked on his beer and had to get up and go inside for a moment. DJ didn't catch the laughter in his eyes, but Sam did, and he scowled after his brother for a second before turning his attention back to his son's stories. Later, when they were all talked out and decided to turn in for the night, Dean kept chuckling and calling Sam Samani. Sam finally wrinkled up his nose and snapped at Dean to cut it out. Dean pointed out that it could have been even more on the nose, at least she wasn't a Samantha, and what did he expect when he named the kid Dean?

[supernaturalkickparty]

it's late i know 😩but i managed to write something for the carry on anniversary so here ya go