#pop in the car and go see
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#fuckinf fucking fuckinf fucking fucking fuckin fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fuck#i need to stop going insane everytime i see something akin to hannibal otherwise I'm gonna pop a fucking blood vessel or something#“akin”?? yk the funny thijg about that is I'd never fucking say some fancy ass shit likw that before i watched hannibal#it's WORMING it's way into me slowly through my vocabulary#I can't be going around speaking like the hannibal script#they'll know I'm gay#[wears a hannibal t-shirt frequently]#heaven forbid#hannibal nbc#hannibal#will graham#hannibal lecter#hannibal tv series#hannibal tv show#car seat headrest#csh#gay cannibal furries#is there a hannibal csh duo name cause it's a need#gay cannibal furries is all I've got rn
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re last answer: please don't stop, being very unhinged about these two pretty white boys is helping distract me from the sharks losing streak rn so bring it on
https://www.tumblr.com/bondedpairs/764566430180147200?source=share
(sideblog woes but there's the link for you) anyway in the vid they talk about going over to each other's houses to have dinner and things and while that is a delicious example of their codependence i love it bc through an rpf lens there is definitely some old man ******* going on. they can have the dilfs and each other.
(someone else mentioned kept boys which i could write an essay on but i fear being Perceived™️)
anyway if you have anything to add to this please do, if not ignore me and i will hide under a rock until the stress-related insanity has worn off and i am a functioning member of society once more 😂
- @bondedpairs
ty for the video!!! and please, WRITE THE KEPT BOYS ESSAYYYY i promise i will read it with my hands over my eyes if you don’t want to be perceived. do it scared!! do it anyway!! we’ll all love you for it!!!
#like. i don’t know how to explain how narratively aware will smith is to me. he knows he’s being put into the codependent rookies arc.#he’s aware that zeev buium transforms into a dog. he knows that he and mack aren’t getting together because mack’s gotta work it out first.#& in a less unhinged way i simply mean that will smith has an air of both self-conscious thought & projection i think is maybe fascinating.#but not in a way in which i actually know this or think that he thinks about himself and how he comes across. he just Is Something ????#the best way i can explain is one of my alltime favorite fics i use it like a shorthand citation bc i love it so much but catchascatchcan’s#many worlds universe but specifically the second tk/pat story second person you the ouroboros spits out its tale nolan walks off screen.#like that is the kind of narrative awareness i am trying to explain that no matter where i put him will smith knows he’s inside a story but#not in a way where he’s trying to do anything to it. he’s just present there. this makes no sense to me either please understand#liv in the replies#bondedpairs#happy to have brought you something in your times of woe!!! also hope things get a little less stressful for you!! <3#we’re 2gether p much 24/7” no go on i say in my nature documentary voice. watching them like bugs under a rock rn observing from a distance#this DID get me to actually watch the video. agreed with puckpocketed saying rich text and ur tags like. YES the daddy issues popped out.#just wants to make sure he’s having fun!! checking up!! mack the prime irritance in will’s life!! foisted off on one another w/ no choice#it’s like when your parents are friends so then you have to be friends with their kids in a way and then also like. you’re the only kids#close in age to each other but they’re NOT but it is definitely not like. i would choose you for any lifetime it is very will smith hockey#(once again) very aware he has to wait for mack to settle down. like now that i’m saying this i DO want clairvoyant will smith which is not#where it goes in the first half but just in the sense of like. those silly posts that are like ‘invested early in stock!’ & it’s a picture#of braden holtby & his beautiful bisexual wife brandi back when holts was a hipster who wore skinny scarves & now everyone thinks he’s sooo#like that but it’s will smith saying my god you are insufferable but you’ll be fantastic in five years. get in the fucking car.#(yes i am drawing extensively from the one picture where will has COMPLETELY tuned him out (there is a football reasoning reference here?#with the patriots? neonfretra drew this also but it was a tweet about the teams. there’s layers to this here ANYWAY) we’re building a life#i realize after the fact i addressed neither the dilf (gilf?) fucking here nor the content of the actual video & polycules to which i say:#brain scrampled egg. the burnsie/joe/patty/(pavs???) polycule just exists to me and the kids intersect the venn diagram but in a much#smaller portion than they intersect each other in both ways (will/mack joe/the guys)#also as for the content of the video. you’re gonna have to give me at LEAST (how long did it take me until i actually started posting tzjd?#i hate that this is my metric but it really was like. i see everyone yelling about them & i’m like ok. [please ignore the irrational hatred#i have for tz at the time it has to do with moritz seider and also whenever i see him on the ice something awakens in kill mode] and i DO#blame tzjd for my 800 drafts and it took me like. a good while before i finally went OH kay. i see it. okay i can get invested. horizon at#a 45 degree angle moon in the late waxing gibbous winds scented of orange & blowing S by SW from the vortex cycle etc etc ass conditions)
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hey. what the fuck is up with Ratchet and Clank merch
#ratchet and clank#I was like ‘I have literally three pieces of merch of R&C despite it being my special interest since elementary school I should fix that’#*goes online* the fucking horrors#what do you MEAN everything is at least $100 dollars or more??? excuse me???#the employee exclusive one is almost always over a thousand dollars. y’all see the one priced like a small car right.#the fucking PLUSHIES ARE A HUNDRED DOLLARS???#why.#the TINY FUCKING PIN IS $90????#btw the three pieces I have are the Funko Pops (I am not a huge Funko Pop person but I saw them release and pre-ordered them for my b-day)#and then the Ratchet and Clank art book. that is all#I have all of the games but like. that’s not /merch/ per se it’s the actual series content#actually I take it back I no longer have all the games bc I’m missing the very first game in physical copy + the PSP games + the PS4-5 ones#and I am the most fucking rabid Ratchet and Clank fan. I am autism insane about it. and I don’t have ANYTHING#do you see how much of a tragedy this is. do you understand how damaging this is to me every single day#that I do not have a Clank plushie to hold. a Ratchet plushie to keep him company. and an Alister Azimuth action figure to abuse.#my goal is to make that video essay I’ve had in my brain for years and make Insomniac feel so seen that they gift me something.#bc of the heartfelt please of a disabled poor person that has loved their series so much all their life#I’m going to punch through a steel wall
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remembered at work i’m probably gonna get abused tonight yay me
#personal#going to see a show with my mom aunt and grandma#and my mom have already argued about this show bc i asked for the future if my mom says i can come to soemthing can she ask me first#just cause i might haves plans or soemthing else going on and she cussed me out for lecturing her#it’s fine when i just can go to my room or can choose to get away#but she’s gonna drive and car rides with my mom are so bad#i always forget bc i don’t have to ride in the car with her anymore bc i have my own and a license#but they can be so bad unless she gets a phone call or starts talking about herself#but car to and from there good chance ya boy is getting quote unquote abused#i know she’s abusive/toxic but it feels so dramatic to be like my moms gonna abuse me by being mean in a car 🙄#but also i’m a 24 year old man near crying at my desk bc my moms gonna be mean to me in her car#and i thought about telling my brother to just vent but then i just remembered his last visit#and how he made fun of me (lightly to be clear) and didn’t think much of how mean mom was to me#and he always says we’re both crazy and honestly he doesn’t care and it’s fine and i’ll just save myself the hassle#the other brother were still weird#anyway blah blah blah family doesn’t like me or does and just happens. to also enjoy being kinda mean#gonna pop in an ear bud on the side she can’t see and do double time of pretending i’m spider man to cope with my issues#i think if i just focus really hard on spider man and make no real tangible changes to my life everything is gonna r#be okay :) (it will not)
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Wild that my mom would totally be disgusted by me if she knew I was smoking cigs off the ground regularly
#once she bought my brothers friend juul pods when she was in highschool bc she saw her pick up a cig off the ground at a Dunkin’ Donuts and#smoke it and my mom was so grossed out that she fucking bought her juul pods#where is that energy now MOM???#-> guy who desperately want his mom to know about his smoking habits but also doesn’t want her to know at all#I just think it would be so funny I need to see her reaction#I literally went to Wawa the other day and picked up a cig off the ground popped it in my mouth and lit it in front of the guy who had just#dropped it going back to his car#I have zero shame around anyone BUT my mother
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the world is in a disastrous state of affairs when people are supporting a school shooter over the community bc “forgiveness is free” and “are people not allowed to change”
#mylife#I’m so upset rn#like genuinely I’m so frustrated#When those losers supporting him have friends that are startle when a car makes a noise; are nervous around balloons because-#-they will have a panic attack when it pops; when their friends are crying bc they wish they weren’t so scared overreacting for things -#-that aren’t really threats. When someone in their family mourns their friends best friend.#Mass shootings SCHOOL shootings are the kind of trauma that doesn’t just go away#When their friends family and community are the ones fucked up for years to come from a mass tragedy maybe then they’d have a fucking heart#It’s real big to forgive someone when they haven’t wronged you#Forgiveness is a costly thing and it is not something to be diminished for the sake of a school shooter#Think about how much you want a school shooter to have an active platform when the effects of it is so damning and present#The one from my community is locked up but when I’m back home the reminders are Constant#The ribbons are still on nearly every store front#When I go to Walmart or the McDonald’s I think about how my sisters friend escaped to there and that asshole went there himself#Driving past my neighborhood I see where he was apprehended I remember the cop lights and the news vans#Imagine someone that caused all that chaos that will forever leave a wound in your community being praised and lauded and loved#They got to heal when you all didnt#It’s enough of a reminder going to the fucking grocery store why should a shooter have a platform making money off your pain#I’ve lost the plot but TikTok school shooter sends me into a deep and terrible despair every time I have the misfortune of seeing him#Myrambles
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*has been playing stardew valley again and now has intense thoughts and ideas on sebastian and if he wasn't judged or brushed off as lazy making him retreat and stick to himself for the most part*
#i can see him collecting model motorcycles#having bookshelves of different codes and some languages#comic books dnd anime a funko pop of one live action tv show#A WHOLE EVANGELION FIGURE WALL SHELF#listens to miku hatsune while working on latest codes#doodles and isnt that good but AMAZING at sketching cars and automobiles#goes full goth punk woth his look piercings included every now and then#helps nana out secretly and bitches with gramps over a show the hate love#helps the farmer deliver produce to the city as a way to go out and explore#def thinks on getting a tattoo but a quick piercing is as much/fast he can take pain#doesnt like to work out but does jog around town late nights/extremely early mornings#sebastian sdv#stardew valley
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Political rant in tags.
#Honestly sometimes I wonder if pop communism is a psyop#like#Let's take all these people with an energy and desire for change#and tie up that energy in consuming a whole bunch of media that ultimately says the same thing#and becoming obsessed with praxis#and building insular echo chambers#and shitting on anyone who wants to approach things differently#and making communist themed social media identities#and self congratulation#like it's practically the same shit that happened with feminism#and I'm just So Tired#oh and the constant emotional guilt trippy 'arguments' too#Guh I hate online activism so much at this point#I genuinely want to see positive change in the world and so many of the people who express any caring at all#dedicate so much of their energy to pointless bullshit that distracts at best and alienates potential allies at worst#and no I cannot Be The Change I Want To See In The World#I'm a closeted trans woman with chronic fatigue and barely a job at all with no local connections#The nearest place anyone wants to to organize at all is multiple hours away and not only can I not justify burning that much gas#my car has some mystery check engine issue that I cannot get resolved and I can't justify that risk either#and like#with things being as I described#What am I going to do as a single person?#*anime girl screaming while descending into fire*
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okay, yeah, barton is a bad guy — that is pretty much a given but what if i told y'all that i got this image of him in my head of him dressed up in matching tuxedos with matilda and them just. attending a masquerade gala as part of some plot to get close to someone and actually not committing any atrocities, but they do do one small little... victimless crime near the end of it which might be Uh. Stealing some rich guys car on the way out or something and flipping him off as they drive off with it, laughing all the way, and it's honestly kind of funny in a bad way because WOW are they bold and perhapsss dare i say it's a little iconic because of the matching tux's + i just imagined them peeling out of the place in the poor guys car like why did they have to do him like that??
i mean it's obviously NOT Good that barton stole that guys car but he actually didn't hurt anyone and stealing the car wasn't even planned. it was just a spur of the moment decision, like i can just imagine them having this completely non-verbal exchange with their eyes once they see this SUPER expensive car in front of the place. because matilda just gets wide eyed like 'OOH, that is niceee' and barton just looks back at her like 'wanna steal it?' and of course she says 'yes, obviously,' like LMAOO idk i just thought it was kind of a nice deviance from the norm for them and they're bonding. criminally, mind you, but still bonding JSJSJ
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ahh... see i told y'all that i would deliver with the fluff didn't i? / j LOL no but idk why this popped up in my head but i just had to-#post it on here bc barton actually not hurting anyone like i said here and only doing something for the mischief of it is. i hate to say it#but it may be KIND of iconic like i said in this little drabble of mine. plusss i can just imagine the convo they had in the car being some#thing like ' hey sooo how long do you think he's going to go without getting another car to replace this one? ' and barton is just like#' HM good question. i'll give him about a week ' and matilda is just like ' oh? you wanna bet on that? because i think he'll get a new one#TOMORROW ' and then suddenly they're making a bet over when this random guy is going to buy another car bc they assume he is and whenever#one of them is proven wrong ( probably barton in this case TBH ) he is just such a sore loser about it but in an amusing way like he's#acting like he's physically pained by it and it's like JSJSJ he really does have the capacity to be funny in a non-mean way sometimes#he just doesn't want to a majority of the time because he's him ☠️ but yeahhh i hope you guys liked this little ramble of mine LOL
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My hungry ass could never be a mechanic
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me: listening to tma again will just make me sad and frustrated especially in s2 because jon makes every bad decision possible
s2 jon: (spies on his coworkers’ houses)
me: fucking freak. tell me more
#tma#jonathan sims#ive been steadily relistening and boy are there a lot of things i missed the first time#turns out there’s been a central plot since the get go that i was simply too distracted by vibes to notice#anyway s2 jon is frustrating but he’s also fascinating. like a car crash or one of those pimple popping videos#you don’t want to see it because you know it’ll make you feel gross but you just want to see how far it does and what it’ll look like#in the end#i will say tho. the tim business will always break my heart#also i just recently listened to the helen richardson episode and it’s so interesting#knowing how in later seasons jon is so much about saving the original helen and asking for the distortion to release her#to see here in s2 how his primary thought is less on helen and more on michael/his concerns with the archive#like it’s just. wow this show is so artfully conceived .#jon begins so detached from humanity as a human but the further#he breached bodily into the inhuman the more he becomes concerned with the human#anyway. tma is on my mind ig
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i work really hard to not compare myself to others but it’s so bizarre to me to see other people my age like. going out all the time or travelling or even just living on their own. what do you mean all your money goes to just your own living expenses & your own fun and you aren’t the financial backbone of your family. every time i take vacation days a coworker will ask me if i’m going somewhere and its like no lmfao do you think im made of money. i dont think about it much because it doesn’t really do anything but upset me but deep down im so resentful of every other young adult who doesn’t have to pay their parents bills and just gets to blow their money on whatever the fuck whenever the fuck
#my best friend lives at home but doesn’t pay rent or anything at all and he was talking about buying new games & joycons & stuff#and he just dropped like. a large amount of money on getting a new dog#(impulsively. literally the whole thing happened in 24 hours and he wasn’t thinking about getting a dog at all)#and like its not like i WANT him to not be able to spend his money how he wants#i’m just resentful. because i keep trying to budget for things i want or even a fucking car so i can actually go places without it taking#over an hour. and then something unexpected pops up that i need to cover#like ive used 175% of the money i’ve earned this year on household bills#my savings are in shambles because nobody could afford shit so i had to cover it#and like. im happy to do it i don’t want my family to be screwed. theyre good to me.#but i hate this. and listening to people talk about throwing away money or impulsively spending tons without needing to worry about being#able to keep the lights on or whatever … tests my patience a little#im so resentful of having to be the grownup all the fucking time. why does everyone else get to be fiscally irresponsible and i don’t#freewheeling bitextual#even just people moving out … like i could afford to move out and i WOULD be if it wouldn’t completely fuck over everyone else#‘oh you live with your parents? you must save a lot of money that way’ fuck you!!! fuck you!!!!!!!#see what did i say. this train of thought is bad for me <3
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Girlies I don’t want to do a job, I want to stim
#I want to pace in circles I want to flap o don’t want to play Tetris with pop cans in a K9 cop car that smells so thickly of dog it’s hard-#To breathe#“its not like they’re going to attack you police dogs are well trained” oh my naive innocent summer child#Have the drug dogs and police dogs you’ll meet will loose their shit the second they see another dog#As service dog handlers can attest to
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Rio hiding in Beth's car to whine abt the girls dumping the money cos they freaked cos they were being obviously followed.... He is also very much on my list of ppl who need to shut up.
#Like! 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯#First of all#Not the first weird car pop up#Like get a proper hobby.#But also like..... Shut up? Wot did you think was going to happen?#Like stop begging to be shot in the foot.#I see no reason to believe he's any good at his job#Whatever it is.#gg rewatch 2021#TV
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just woke up its nearly 2am but i gotta listen to taylor swift to confirm something
#gotta wake up 4:30 am to do stuffs (take yearbook pictures with my class)#okay im oversharinf its time ive got antihero in my ears im going to pour some soul out#so my favorite car trips are ones my dad drives around taiwan as we visit places from taichung (hometown) to taipei#the car had a usb of music from his brother and all the songs were like some rock or old pop in chinese and i was like im 12 i dont like#this so i scoured through the contents of the usb and found oh! taylor awift i know her from shake it off let me see whats this#it was the entire 1989 album#and i was in the car my entire family tires rolling through urban and rural-esque areas i took off my glasses (i wanted to see with#my eyes fr like idk i wanted the authenticity of viewing the ‘home’ i never got to seefor the last decade) and im practically blind without#them optical lenses so the entire trip in my memory are changing colors#cool air (it was 25°C out) and taylor swift blasting through the car between the lulls that we’re all content to be in silence stead of#mindless chatting#plug in 1989 and its the most calm you’ll get me. specifically style (i see green trees and feel the breeze through the window’s palm-wide#gap) or all you had to do was stay and i see bubbles of lights floating through the front of the car and big blocks of indisternable#buildings and wide empty intersections parralel to the bursting sprawling walking streets#okay imma go to sleep#good night#thinkingaboutmusic
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Day whatever it is recap!
#📸#I think it’s day five maybe#also I’m at my brothers school for the last time ever :/#probs the last time I’ll ever step into a college dorm again tbh#and I got one last shower in the dorm bathroom which is always good bc if I’m seeing my brother chances are I’ve at very least spent three#hours in a car to get to him#so a shower is nice especially bc I was like panic attack sweaty. tmi? maybe.#I didn’t really do a lot today#at least not postable stuff#a lot of hanging out with family and Millie and being tired and kind of miserable but also daydreaming about any other shit in my life#idk. it all feels weird rn. all of it. and my brain is nagging me saying you’re being/doing x y z for attention even when I’m not telling#anyone shit im doing or thinking or anything and my brain is still like nah. you’re jealous of your brother graduating and not being home#at the end of dads life and at the same time you feel stressed and guilty and feel bad about him not getting closure#but at the same time you just wish you didn’t see his fucking body on the ventilator and all the IVs and the bloat and the popped blood#vessels and the nurses and doctors and knowing they did cpr so much if he even survived he would be miserable and have broken ribs#fuck. I want to be home and alone and crying about this all by myself alone. I hate this I hate this I hate this I want to go smoke a cig#but this is a no smoking campus ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh I am miserable and this is supposed to be this big fun#thing for my brother and I feel selfish and stupid for having feelings and letting myself get upset about my dad but my fucking mother#made some sign to put in an empty chair for my dad and she brought his jacket he wore all the time and I started crying when I saw and then#immediately after we had to go see his parents and my grandfather is falling apart and reminds me of my dad in the hospital and I’m just so#miserable and between horrible thoughts and self harm and everything I’m keeping to myself I am just thinking about how this is so bitter#sweet for my brother like he’s graduating with his friends and then moving away from them all to a place where it’s just all about dad being#dead and he doesn’t like Florida really and he’s gotta start his grown up life (technically he has two more classes online and he’s getting#a blank diploma tomorrow but yeah. things are rough and my body hurts and stress is so bad for me and my chronic pain and I feel like I went#from the most relaxed and comfortable and happy I’ve been in a year to feeling like hell on earth and I feel like I’m bringing down every#one else’s mood but like hello why are we pretending any of this normal thid can’t be real this can’t be real this can’t be real I don’t#want this to be reak I want it to be fake it has to be fake please please please wake up tomorrow and have it be a year ago please#I miss my father and I hate myself and violent thoughts are taking over my mind and I hate it all but things were so good literally up until#I saw my mom and grandparents#my brother was so nice when it was just us too (and later I just mean before mom got here specifically he was still nice to me)
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