#political onions

[ered]

in case you've missed it, and I'm assuming most of you have, we're having a presidential election here in Finland. First round is currently going on, so I thought I'd give you a quick run down of our candidates!

(in alphabetical order, party in parentheses)

Mika Aaltola (independent): Has mainly worked in academia and apparently has experience in international politics, which is good for the job. I honestly know next to nothing about this dude, but he seems to positively radiate Just Some Guy energy. What would be interesting about him winning: I have no idea. Chances of winning: Ehhh - but it wouldn't be the first time we get a president from outside the daily politics.

Li Andersson (Left Alliance): current leader of the Left Alliance, former Minister of Education. What most people seem to say about her: "she's clearly the best choice, but has no chance of winning so I won't be voting for her." What would be interesting about her winning: first Left Alliance president Chances of winning: Unfortunately slim. Left Alliance is a small party and half of the country still seems to think they're Evil Communists.

Sari Essayah (Christian Democrats): she's also the leader of her party. Most known for being a former racewalker and religious. What would be interesting about her winning: How the hell did it happen??? Chances of winning: zero.

Pekka Haavisto (Green League): Former Minister of the Environment, International Development, and Foreign Affairs (three different terms, not all at once). He was born in 1958 and hasn't done much beyond politics. He's been in the presidential race twice already too, both times losing to our current president, Sauli Niinistö. What would be interesting about him winning: first gay president. Chances of winning: he made it to the final round twice already, so maybe third time's a charm? He has been polling first this time around.

Jussi Halla-aho (Finns Party): a prominent rightwing blogger, a Slavic linguist by education, and the current Speaker of the Parliament. He's "immigration critical" in the same vein "gender criticals" tend to be. He's is considered something of an intellectual in the rightwing circles despite having the vibes of an anthropomorphic raisin, and has amassed a cult following - who literally call him Mestari (master, but in Finnish the vibes are more a master of a trade and not some dude who spanks you in the bedroom. What would be interesting about him winning: finding out if I can immigrate to Denmark. Chances of winning: none if I can help it, but like I said, he does have a very solid fanbase.

Hjallis Harkimo (Movement Now): best known for being the owner of an ice-hockey team or something. His real name is Harry and for some reason he has been elected into the parliament twice. I assume it's the famous allure of a "successful businessman" or because he's something of a celebrity? Who knows. What would be interesting about him winning: How did it happen? Chances of winning: slim.

Olli Rehn (Centre Party): Served as the Minister of Economic Affairs for like a year under our most fuck-witted prime minister in recent history. Not much else to say about it. Somehow seems older than Pekka Haavisto tho he's actually younger. What would be interesting about him winning: absolutely nothing. He's so dull it's almost offensive. Chances of winning: who knows? Maybe he'll be a dark horse if all other candidates fall flat.

Alexander Stubb (National Coalition Party): Former Prime Minister, and former Minister of Finance. He's ehhhhhh not the worst possible option, honestly, and is on the more liberal side of the Rich Getting Richer party. What would be interesting about him winning: how will he be different from our current (National Coalition Party) president, I guess Chances of winning: last I checked, he was polling second, so I guess it's a possibility?

Jutta Urpilainen (Social Democratic Party): Former Minister of Finance. Social Democrats are one of the biggest parties we have, but they took a while deciding on who to pick. She's alright. Social Democrats are usually fine, and she'a long term Social Democrat. What would be interesting about her winning: uhh... possibly the first president to have released a Christmas album? Chances of winning: I just don't think she's that popular, to be honest. But she might make it into top three at least, like I said, it's one of the biggest parties behind her.

[mysharona1987]

[theonion]

The South Korean radical feminist 4B movement, in which women swear off marriage, childbirth, dating men, and sex with men, has sparked intense conversations among Americans on social media. Here is what you need to know about 4B.

[killlerfang1]

The Onion is out for BLOOD

[politijohn]

Source

Is this really satire?

[animentality]

[kimbureh]

listen, if you believe Glass Onion's message of bashing super rich people is a form of "self"-critique, then you clearly don't understand who the 1% are.

When Rian Johnson calls out fake Elon Musk in his fun detective movie, this is not an attempt at "self-deprecating humor". Rian Johnson is "I own nice houses"-rich, he is not "I control nations, wars, economies, and the livelihoods of millions"-rich like Elon Musk is.

Rian Johnson is closer in his wealth to you than he is to Elon Musk, by far.

I am all for holding rich people accountable, I support calling out the Hollywood industry. But we *need* to learn to tell billionaires and millionaires apart, or our criticism of the political system will be fraught.

[eggsaladstain]

i’ve never been sadder that the onion isn’t real

[wherestoriescomefrom]

rian johnson took all that time, put in all that effort to make glass onion a fantastic period piece to the first four months of pandemic, a prescient narrative that anticipates the stupidity of rich billionaires, and then pulled the rug from under us because the world of benoit blanc just straight up doesn't have the mona lisa anymore

[kali-tmblr]

The Onion buys rightwing conspiracy site Infowars with plans to make it ‘very funny, very stupid’

Good news is rare and precious these days

[victusinveritas]

Christ, this keeps getting better.

[anarchywoofwoof]

[mysharona1987]

[theonion]

Admitting that ever since he joined the campaign trail the billionaire tech mogul had refused to leave him alone, President-elect Donald Trump reportedly locked the bathroom door Tuesday so Elon Musk couldn’t follow him in again. “All right, Elon, out,” an audibly frustrated Trump had said moments earlier as he stood up from the toilet and grabbed Musk by the scruff to throw him out, the SpaceX founder having barged in through the slightly ajar door, sat at his feet, stared into his eyes, and loudly whined. Full Story

[politijohn]

Source

Screaming. The Onion did it again…

[animentality]