#polaymory

[polyamorousmood]

Hey if you're polyamorous but can't be Out™️ rn for whatever reason PLEASE keep a record so future historians can find it in a kinder time and others can know your joy and how you chose to navigate the obstacles thank you.

KEEP and BACK UP what memes you share and who brought home dinner🍽 and the warmth you feel when you watch your partners smooch😘 and what memes you would make if you had anyone to share them with and your discussions of who gets custody of the dog🐶 in the event of a break up and how much easier the budget is now that you're splitting it four ways💰 and about trips ✈ you take and who came and who was okay staying at home except when they stopped by a meta's house to water the plants💦🌿 and even if you're not dating anyone atm write down when you have three crushes at once and the hope you feel when you see "poly and partnered" on a dating app and the designs you have for the perfect polyam house🏡 layout

Please please PLEASE!!!! I need it!! You'll need it. Don't let your life be forgotten because it is inconvenient to people not living it!!

[textingtroublesanswers]

He's been very adamantly rejecting an attractive demon for you, I think he's made it more than obvious at this point he's got no plans to replace you.

That is true. You've also implied encouraging him to see people who could meet his needs and he still chooses you and only you. That's loyalty if I've ever seen it.

-🦖

"'Encouraging', I set him up on a date & he backed out of it!"

"I am not made for open relationship." Mikhail whines.

Ludwig pats his head, "I haven't brought it up since, to be fair."

[carn1epretzelz]

twitter musings... honestly this is prolly bc im plural. LMFAOOOO.

"arg... i am piers pokemon. that is not my partner???? who is that. i dont know who that is. why do i feel like this what????" ive got news for you pal... *talking to self in mirror* i dig u piers yumeshippers though just a lot harder for me to properly appreciate when my coping methods have always been projection onto characters for fun/calming HASGHAHS.

[chaos-in-one]

being poly and promiscuous are hugely what spreads AIDS and other Stds, it is why Africa has it so bad educate yourself on stds and lack of circumcision etc

Being polyam does not equal sleeping around a lot. And STDs are a problem with not having safe sex, not a problem coming from any one group of people who have sex. And a good portion of polyamorous people have closed relationships, they are not going around sleeping with random people. Even with the ones who don't... not using proper protection and not getting yourself checked regularly is what causes STDs to spread, not polyamorous people specifically.

Also circumcision has... literally nothing to do with this, why was that necessary to bring up

Also saying Africa has higher STD rates because of polaymory and 'promiscuous' people, which implies you seem to think that Africa also has higher rates of those groups of people (which you clearly think is morally wrong to be) feels... incredibly racist.

[sw33t-oubliette]

reminder all of these can co-exist <3 peace nd polaymory on the starship aurora

[mayoiayasep]

anonymous noise and horimiya are both mangas that would benefit so much from the characters in it learning that polaymory exists but alas…

[number-1-kuaidul-fanboy]

Yuzu seducing Serena

So... GX gave me canon triad with one canonically gender ambiguous alien, Zexal gave Yuma a polycule of aliens, and now Arc V has the beginnings of interdimensional polyamorous madness. I’m down.

[polyplaydate]

I've been starting to get more into wanting to date solo polyamorous people. Anyone else experience this? Maybe because I want to build my own ploycule from scratch? But it's kinda of biased because I'm with a partner myself. Ha!

[that-feels-guy]

Love takes many different forms. And i’m slowly remembering that I have many different kinds and ways and people to give my love to. And i’m so glad to have that back.

[polyamorousmood]

I love seeing and hearing my nesting partner gush about dates they've been on or about people they have crushes on, half the time if I know the other person I'm in full agreement about how hot they are and half the time it just makes me love my nesting partner more to know how safe they feel telling me this and sharing this love with me.

fr it's like

BABY, I WANNA KNOW YOUR LIFE I WANNA SHARE YOUR JOY!!!! Tell me everything!!

I feel so fulfilled and secure and warm and nice hearing about my partners' time with other loves ☺️☺️

[scribeoffate]

“yes the both of you look adorable, but can i please have my clothes back now?” for Scott/Allison/Lydia?

Scott wraps his arms around his chest. He glances around, it's just him and Lydia, and Allison in their dorm room, but Stiles has no boundaries, and what if ltheir RA finds him here half-dressed. Not even half dressed, he's down to only his boxers left at this point in the game.

He really shouldn't be losing, but it's impossible to do anything but peel off his socks or shirt when Lydia gives him *that* look and informs him he's lost another point. Logic doesn't seem to exist in this card game. And the idea of arguing feels like it's fading away as Allison and Lydia giggle.

"Tell us we're pretty," Lydia says as Allison deals another hand.

"I thought we were not succumbing to the patri... patr... sexism," Allison takes another sip of her fruity alcoholic drink. He's heard Lydia's drinks pack quite the punch. The strange wolfsbane concoction she'd made for him last weekend had, enough that he'd declined it tonight.

"Scott is like the opposite of the patriarchy," Lydia finishes placing the last cards in front of him.

He's positive this is a winning hand. He knows it is.

"You're both adorable," he says, laying his hand on the table. "But can I please have my clothes back now?" He grins triumphantly.

Lydia exchanges a look with Allison before turning back to him. "Sorry, sweetie," she says, laying down her own cards. "But I think we'll be needing the rest of yours. But thank you, we are beautiful, aren't we?"

ficlet requests

[polyamorousmood]

For me at least, in simplest terms, romance is a natural progression of friendship if you and a person especially click as friends. Its extra special friends and that's why I want so much of it and why restricting it to one feels so dumb

i have a question for polyams, as an aromantic: what does romance mean to you? the most common kinds of romances we see are from a monogamous lens (ie. the “one true love”), so i’m curious to know how y’all’s view on romance differs (or is the same!).

this is directed at alloro polyams, however if you are polyam and aro/arospec and you have something to add, feel free to weigh in!

[rotationalsymmetry]

I want to share some thoughts about what it's reasonable to ask for in a partner when you're polyamorous and they're dating someone else. (Not like I'm an expert or anything.) Assuming an established couple who are dating separately, although goodness knows jealousy can come up in other arrangements.

This all depends on context and there's no absolute rules, only what works for you and the people involved.

Except, uh, we're in a pandemic so in most cases in-person dates are maybe not a good idea right now. Anyways, with that out of the way.

Time-limited rules are more reasonable than open ended/forever rules. As in: "I don't think I'm ready for you to spend the night/weekend/whatever yet, is it OK if you don't do that for now and we check in in two months (during which I'll poke at that feeling more and see if I can get myself ready?)

Change is hard. If you're opening up a relationship that's always been monogamous or neither person has been dating anyone else in practice for a while, take it really slowly. If it's a new relationship, on the other hand, don't have a "just us for now" period (on purpose anyways), start how you mean to continue. Because it's hard to go from "just us" to not "just us," and if one partner can't handle that it's better to know that earlier than years into the relationship.

You can't control other people. Not just ethically can't, but literally can't. (If people could, cheating wouldn't be a thing.) If your partner hasn't been keeping a safer sex rule that's important to you (or you suspect they haven't been), don't try to control them more closely or punish them. Assume they're going to keep acting as they have been, and change what you need to change. (Sometimes that's condoms and more frequent STI checks, sometimes that's a breakup.)

Other people can't make you feel better. They can be sympathetic and listen when you feel bad, they can show you love, they can not belittle your feelings.

So, I have CFS, a nasty chronic illness. So, at one point my partner and I had an agreement that if I was having a really bad time and needed him, he'd call off a date (and he'd let potential dates know ahead of time that that could happen -- it's better to avoid surprises.) Having said that, being on a date with someone and having their partner call it off sucks balls, so try not to do that. (At this point, my condition's more stable and I wouldn't feel the need for that kind of thing if my partner was dating now. I'm not more likely to need immediate help than anyone else is.) Basically: breaking your partner's date (if your partner is even willing to do that for you) is at least as bad as you breaking your own date.

So, where this gets complicated I think is if one person has a mental health flare-up or other big feelings thing, that's triggered by their partner going on a date. Not getting your partner's support when you're feeling that awful sucks. Having your date called off due to your date's partner's feelings, sucks. Basically: if you think this is a risk for you or your partner or your date's partner, take it really slowly (baby steps), be prepared for a lot of processing and emotional support if you're the partner, and (if you're the person with the mental illness or extra large feelings) this is when you need to pull in everything you've got: CBT exercises, your therapist or support group, self help books, other members of Team You, whatever non-destructive coping mechanisms you have. If you're the date, it's OK if you're not willing to stick around for this kind of thing. It is a lot to ask and there's no guarantee things will get better for the big-feelings person. (If you're the big feels person and this isn't normal for you, if this isn't normal for you in polyamorous relationships, it might be that your partner is just not very good for you. But, some of us have really big feelings in any relationship.)

[fictionkinfessions]

its missing my parents yennefer, geralt, and jaskier hours - ciri

[godlyyandere]

Youre out here asking polyam people not to interact when youre posting yandere shit in the actuallymentallyill tags -_- ok

You....you know you can be mentally ill and not poly, right,,,

Polyamory is a trigger for me,,,and I’m mentally ill,,, like what are you not understanding here

I was abused intensely in a poly relationship to the point where the dynamic became a trigger for ptsd flashbacks (ptsd which I’m prof diagnosed with) and it’s something I was working through in therapy but I can’t afford therapy anymore so the trigger isn’t gonna get better for a while.

[rotationalsymmetry]

QPRs are valid. At the risk of *excessive* amounts of pedantry, there is no one way of having polyamorous relationships. There’s a spectrum of higher autonomy vs higher entanglement, a spectrum of hierarchy vs egalatarianism (which is not quite the same thing -- for instance people can be primary partners but not live together etc), and there’s a kitchen-table vs parallel polyamory spectrum as well.

For instance. Alice, Bob, and Charlie are a triad where everyone’s equally committed to everyone else, they live together, they share finances, they’re raising kids together, they own their own house, they’re all in a band, they run a community garden together, they form an affinity group for protests, etc. This is what people tend to think of when they think “polyamorous relationship”, especially if all three are romantically and sexually involved with each other, but actually it’s extremely common for polyamorous relationships to have other configurations, and aiming for an equal-side triad (or especially a closed triad) tends to run into problems. (See: “unicorn hunting”.)

Andy, Barbara, and Chris all live together and share finances and act as a social unit, but Chris is only committed to Andy, not in Barbara, and vice versa. If Chris and Andy have a falling out, or if Andy and Barbara have a falling out, then Chris and Barbara probably won’t try to salvage a close relationship between themselves.

Avery has two partners, Billie and Calvin, who are not partners with each other. Avery is deeply committed to each of them and hopes these relationships will last a long time, but is also very committed to never living with someone, sharing finances, sharing a pet etc ever again/ever. Billie and Calvin might spend time together without Avery there, or they might only hang out together when Avery is there, or they may have never met -- whatever’s going on, they’re not partners with each other the way they’re each partners with Avery.

Amy and Bella are committed partners and live together, and Crystal (who lives alone or with roommates) is dating Bella. Crystal might end up in a committed relationship with Bella some day, but it’s not at that point yet. Or maybe Bella doesn’t want a committed relationship with more than one person. Crystal is not dating Amy.

Ash and Brian are co-parents and have custody alternating weeks, but are not “together” at this point. Ash is in a very committed relationship with Corey, but Corey is not acting as a step-parent. (If you’re thinking this isn’t polyamory at all, well, it might not be, but it also could be.)

Archie is partners with Bobby and Cristina, and splits time about evenly between Bobby’s house and Cristina’s house, and contributes to household expenses at both place and considers both places “home”.

This is a non-comprehensive set of examples with just three people. With more than three people, there’s more possibilities. All of these things -- romance, sex, commitment, shared residence, shared finances, shared parenting, being a social unit for events like parties and weddings and holiday celebrations, having pets, etc -- they can go together, but you can treat them as sort of a la carte options. Live together and plan on being together for the long haul, but have separate finances. Have shared finances but not a shared social calendar. People who run more towards Avery’s style of relationships might call their approach “solo polyamory” or SoPo; people who don’t automatically place romantic partnerships as higher than platonic friendships sometimes call their approach “relationship anarchy” (RA). Anyways: I’m down with the last comment, and just want to make it clear that “polyamorous-type relationship” doesn’t have to mean everyone is involved with everyone else, even if “involvement” is platonic. Maybe not everyone in the QPpolycule wants to live in the group house but they’re still committed to being together in some sense, and maybe not everyone wants to be in the band or even likes that style of music, and maybe the dog is just Joey’s but the cat is the house’s cat. You know? I mean, people do actually do this.

so none of yall know what a friend group is apparently