#polaymory issue

[fictionkinfessions]

its missing my parents yennefer, geralt, and jaskier hours - ciri

[fictionkinfessionsarchived]

My Jonathan Joestar canon is so weird it's all a modern day thing or whatever and Joseph was my son, jotaro was Josuke's brother and my grandkids. I was poly with Speedwagon, Will and I was married to Erina. We still lived in the giant Joestar mansion because I'd be dead before I sold it. Dio was my brother. He was the best brother and I loved him. When we were 18, he got the star birthmark tattooed on his shoulder blade and I had to have him sitting in my lap he was so scared.

[justanoutlawfic]

All of the issues in the Tremaine family could’ve just been solved with polaymory...

[ah17hh]

As a solo poly, is keeping relationships separate from your social circles a reasonable and healthy boundary? via /r/polyamory

As a solo poly, is keeping relationships separate from your social circles a reasonable and healthy boundary?

Hello r/polaymory

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I really value having a place to seek pseudoanonymous support.

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As the title says, I have come across a situation where I feel the need to institute a new boundary with a partner. I question the boundary itself and whether it's healthy or not. I also question if I am being used. I feel like establishing this boundary would make a person who wants to use me as a social springboard of some kind quickly lose interest and leave. It would also protect me from people with ill intentions.

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TL;DR Chronically flaky partner flakes on me to take care of upset meta, until I suddenly am doing something fun and social and then partner is ready to flake on meta, too. When asked why, partner says "I just wanted to meet your friends."

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I find myself in a position where I do not feel comfortable inviting a particular partner into my social circles. YET.

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The relationship is new-ish, being less than a year old. I am still getting to know and trust this person.

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We have had repeated problems with her being very indecisive about spending time with me. We have had miscommunications about our intentions for our times together on numerous occasions. She has two other partners whom she spends most of her relationship time with. I have clear expressed needs for alone time/date time in a relationship that we discussed prior to getting more seriously involved, and I have a couple times gone months without having those needs met. I am a quality time love language person. We have had problems and I have had difficulty feeling loved in this relationship semi frequently. I am not ready to give up on the relationship. For a person to be able to wake up one morning and say "I want to see (x)," and then to make plans that do so and follow through with them truly because that's what they desire and they know it without a doubt, makes me feel very loved. Many other people seem to not have problems doing this with me, but this partner does. She is indecisive and vague and scarce often enough to make me feel unwanted semi regularly.

After a particularly rough day of indecision, with a full twelve hours of deliberation on her part over whether or not she wanted to spend time with me, she got some bad news from another one of her partners. This caused some disquiet to occur between them. She then declared a clear desire to spend the evening with that partner to work out this issue. I explained to her that I felt encouraged by her being able to communicate her intentions to me. I urged her to focus on her relationship with her partner this evening and to hang out with me another time, because her relationships with my metas are important to me, too. Sometimes poly requires sacrifice out of love and sometimes that can mean making extra space for your metas to love and be loved. Anyway, it was alright, because I found myself free to pursue other agendas for the evening, which included spending time with friends and doing some art together.

When she had first learned about those plans, she was still being very vague about wanting to see me. Through that vagueness, she asked a couple probing questions about those plans, like if they were still happening or not. I explained they were up in the air. After she declared her intention to devote that evening to working things out with my meta, those plans solidifed.

After those plans solidifed and I told her what I was doing, she suddenly expressed interest in coming and bringing her meta along so he and I could talk together. I told her it would be a bad night for this, because these are a couple of my closest friends, at their home, and I don't know him well enough yet... but that I'd love to meet him and talk to him some time. Then she suggested leaving him at home to come visit us.

At that point I told her I would rather spend time with her and introduce her to some of my closest friends as a partner, and if she had different intentions for wanting to visit then tonight isn't the best night.

Then she said, "What if I just show up and go back to (meta's)?"

I said "That would make me kinda sad, I'm gonna have to say no. We should make plans for another time."

She said"Completely fair."

and then

" I just wanted to meet your friends."

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So after a 12 hour long back-and-forth about not knowing if she wants to spend time with me or not, and then declaring she needed to work on a different relationship, she was ready to completely ditch that... Just to meet my friends. To the point of saying so directly and asking me three times. But not to spend time with me. Working on her relationship with her meta was higher priority than making clear plans with me and sticking to them, but meeting my friends was higher priority to her than THAT. It was enticing enough to pull her away from the thing that she had declared to be her priority that evening over seeing me.

This makes me question my value to this person. I do not feel like a partner is entitled to enter my social space. I value my privacy and independence. It is also a big trust thing. When someone becomes a part of your social circle, it becomes so much harder to be safe from them. I am a former victim of abuse.

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I am questioning my partner's emotional honesty and intentions toward me and our relationship.

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So here I am. I don't trust her enough to introduce her to my social circle yet. A big part of it is this exchange, and I was on the fence about it and feeling uncomfortable about it already. I am planning on communicating this boundary to her clearly and unemotionally. While I feel now it is temporary, considering the way this relationship has gone it may also be that I never want to get to that level of entanglement with her so I would rather not communicate the temporariness of the boundary. I also feel like if this person is emotionally dishonest and is objectifying me as a social opportunity, they will immediately lose interest in dating me if I establish this boundary (possibly for 'unrelated reasons') and I don't find that to be an issue either - it would be preferable to continuing something dishonest. I also feel like I might establish this as a boundary in all new relationships, to be relaxed over time as a person earns my trust and makes me feel loved.

Validation or being challenged on this issue are both welcomed, but if you want to challenge it, please read my post through. Thank you!

Submitted October 31, 2019 at 02:48AM by polyamthro via reddit https://ift.tt/2WvVQTC

[fictionkinfessionsarchived]

Where? Where are my boyfriends?? Universe blease give me back Charles and John I miss those giant soft nerds!! (Arthur Morgan) ~#sad🐉