#friendships and qprs are different ffs what is wrong with people

[rotationalsymmetry]

QPRs are valid. At the risk of *excessive* amounts of pedantry, there is no one way of having polyamorous relationships. There’s a spectrum of higher autonomy vs higher entanglement, a spectrum of hierarchy vs egalatarianism (which is not quite the same thing -- for instance people can be primary partners but not live together etc), and there’s a kitchen-table vs parallel polyamory spectrum as well.

For instance. Alice, Bob, and Charlie are a triad where everyone’s equally committed to everyone else, they live together, they share finances, they’re raising kids together, they own their own house, they’re all in a band, they run a community garden together, they form an affinity group for protests, etc. This is what people tend to think of when they think “polyamorous relationship”, especially if all three are romantically and sexually involved with each other, but actually it’s extremely common for polyamorous relationships to have other configurations, and aiming for an equal-side triad (or especially a closed triad) tends to run into problems. (See: “unicorn hunting”.)

Andy, Barbara, and Chris all live together and share finances and act as a social unit, but Chris is only committed to Andy, not in Barbara, and vice versa. If Chris and Andy have a falling out, or if Andy and Barbara have a falling out, then Chris and Barbara probably won’t try to salvage a close relationship between themselves.

Avery has two partners, Billie and Calvin, who are not partners with each other. Avery is deeply committed to each of them and hopes these relationships will last a long time, but is also very committed to never living with someone, sharing finances, sharing a pet etc ever again/ever. Billie and Calvin might spend time together without Avery there, or they might only hang out together when Avery is there, or they may have never met -- whatever’s going on, they’re not partners with each other the way they’re each partners with Avery.

Amy and Bella are committed partners and live together, and Crystal (who lives alone or with roommates) is dating Bella. Crystal might end up in a committed relationship with Bella some day, but it’s not at that point yet. Or maybe Bella doesn’t want a committed relationship with more than one person. Crystal is not dating Amy.

Ash and Brian are co-parents and have custody alternating weeks, but are not “together” at this point. Ash is in a very committed relationship with Corey, but Corey is not acting as a step-parent. (If you’re thinking this isn’t polyamory at all, well, it might not be, but it also could be.)

Archie is partners with Bobby and Cristina, and splits time about evenly between Bobby’s house and Cristina’s house, and contributes to household expenses at both place and considers both places “home”.

This is a non-comprehensive set of examples with just three people. With more than three people, there’s more possibilities. All of these things -- romance, sex, commitment, shared residence, shared finances, shared parenting, being a social unit for events like parties and weddings and holiday celebrations, having pets, etc -- they can go together, but you can treat them as sort of a la carte options. Live together and plan on being together for the long haul, but have separate finances. Have shared finances but not a shared social calendar. People who run more towards Avery’s style of relationships might call their approach “solo polyamory” or SoPo; people who don’t automatically place romantic partnerships as higher than platonic friendships sometimes call their approach “relationship anarchy” (RA). Anyways: I’m down with the last comment, and just want to make it clear that “polyamorous-type relationship” doesn’t have to mean everyone is involved with everyone else, even if “involvement” is platonic. Maybe not everyone in the QPpolycule wants to live in the group house but they’re still committed to being together in some sense, and maybe not everyone wants to be in the band or even likes that style of music, and maybe the dog is just Joey’s but the cat is the house’s cat. You know? I mean, people do actually do this.

so none of yall know what a friend group is apparently