#poisonous potatoes for the win

[harunayuuka2060]

*Vil looked at MC with a serious expression. Trey and Jade were bound to their seats by rose vines—though in Jade’s case, he was almost entirely swallowed by them, with only his nose left exposed so he could breathe.

Trey: Hey... Isn't this a bit too much?

Jade: *muffled sounds*

MC: Do forgive my caution—I'm all too aware of what the esteemed vice dorm leaders of Heartslabyul and Octavinelle are capable of. Surely, you can’t fault me for being just a little… *smiles* vigilant.

Vil: ...

Vil: Are you implying that you're not threatened by me?

MC: *chuckles* You're free to interpret it however you wish.

Vil: Why you—

*MC set four distinct cocktails before him, each glass glistening under the dim lighting. As the mingled aromas of citrus and spirits wafted toward him, Vil's nose wrinkled in distaste, his lips pressing into a thin line of disapproval.*

MC: I'd be honored if you'd join me, Vil.

Vil: *suspicious* An offer?

MC: Think of it as a simple game. You must guess which of these cocktails is poisoned and offer it to me. If you're right, I'll let you leave this place. But if you're wrong… I'll shatter this shard—

MC: *holds up the mirror shard, nearly identical to the one Leona had* —and you'll be trapped here with me.

Vil: What…? That doesn’t make any sense. If I win and you end up drinking the poison, you’ll—

MC: Sympathy is a luxury you can't afford right now, Vil. *smiles at him softly*

Vil: ...

Leona: Jack, stop it.

Jack: *has been trying to get back in but to no avail*

Jack: I shouldn't have left!

Ruggie: Correction: You were thrown out.

Floyd: I wonder what Jade's doing. I guess he's doing a lousy job if he isn't here yet.

Riddle: ...

Cater: Are you worried about Trey-kun, Riddle?

Riddle: No, I’m sure he’s doing his best in this situation.

Ace: Yeah, Trey-senpai is going to be fine. But... Jack?

Jack: What?

Ace: What does this MC look like? Are they hot?

Jack: Huh?

Epel: Are you being serious right now?

Ace: *pouts* What? I'm just curious.

Cater: I get you, Acey-kun. This is how you cope.

Malleus, Lilia, Silver, and Sebek: ...

Sebek: My liege, with five still unaccounted for, I humbly propose we start immediately.

Lilia: Leona initiated the group arrangements by integrating members across dorms. It would be improper for us to deviate from this system now.

Sebek: Well...

Silver: And we have to ensure the others are safe before we proceed.

Sebek: ...

Malleus: Be patient, Sebek.

Sebek: Yes, Waka-sama...

MC: Have you made your choice?

Vil: ...

Trey: Is there any hint?

Jade: *muffled sound*

Vil: ...

Vil: MC.

MC: *smiles* Yes?

Vil: Should I assume all these cocktails are laced with poison?

Trey: Huh?

MC: ...

MC: *chuckles* If that's the case, why not use it to your advantage? I won’t be altering the rule I’ve set.

Vil: ...

Vil: From the very beginning, you had no intention of trapping us. If you did, you wouldn’t have proposed this senseless game. You control this place—you could’ve had us in the palm of your hand if you wanted to.

Trey and Jade: ...

Trey: *his gaze softened at MC* You planned on losing?

MC: ...

MC: Ah. Caught red-handed, it seems. *a wry smile flickers across their face as they casually select a cocktail—then drinks it without hesitation*

Trey and Vil: !!!

MC: *smiles and leans in close to Vil, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead while discreetly slipping the mirror shard into his hand*

Vil: Potato—

MC: Does this remind you of that day? *chuckles*

Vil, Trey, and Jade: ...

Leona: How is it?

Vil: I have it...

Trey: ...

Azul: Jade?

Jade: ...The details are not mine to share.

Trey: ... *sigh*

The others: ...

Idia: I'm getting scared now, what the heck...

[pukefactory]

froggy dating hcs?

๋࣭ ⭑⚝ PATH TO WEIRD LOVE ๋࣭ ⭑⚝

𖠊 Summary: A Compilation Of Dating Headcanons Featuring Froggy X Reader

𖠊 Character(s): Froggy (Ena: Dream BBQ)

𖠊 Genre: Headcanons, SFW

𖠊 Warning(s): None - Completely Safe!

𖠊 Image Credits: @JoelG

˗ˏˋ The first time Froggy confessed to you, it was absolutely not romantic. He stormed into the breakroom with a paper cup of suspicious vending machine coffee and yelled, “OKAY, LISTEN! I LIKE YOU. YOU’RE STRANGELY TOLERABLE FOR A BUFFOON. WANNA DATE?!” Then he dropped the cup, burned his foot, and limped away shouting something about horoscopes and intestinal fate. You didn’t even get a chance to answer—he showed up the next day acting like it was already established, calling you his “little work assistant” and pretending he hadn’t cried into a riceball over it.

˗ˏˋ He constantly leaves you absolutely bewildering voice memos. One day it’s “Hey, sweetheart! I dreamed you were a giant shrimp last night. I was a lemon wedge. Romantic, right?” Another day it’s just thirty seconds of him wheezing from running, followed by, “I ran into a wall. I think I cracked my spine. Anyway, lunch?”

˗ˏˋ Froggy has exactly one love language and it is boisterous yelling and panicked devotion. You trip on a stair? He is already screaming at the floor architect. You’re late to lunch? “WHAT IF YOU FELL INTO A DIMENSIONAL PIT?!” You sneeze? He’s throwing three packets of soup at you and demanding you sit still while he incorrectly reads your horoscope and tries to decode which cold remedy works best for “lovesick, elegant types.”

˗ˏˋ He’s not great at physical affection, but he tries. He’ll hold your hand while narrating loudly to passersby: “DON’T LOOK TOO LONG, CITIZENS! THIS IS ROMANCE—A PRIVATE AFFAIR FOR PROFESSIONALS ONLY!” Hugs are brief, full-body crashes that leave you both dazed and covered in lint from his frog suit. Kisses? Rare. But when he does go for it, he misses by like two inches and then yells, “AHH! FORGET YOU SAW THAT. I WAS AIMING FOR YOUR SOUL!”

˗ˏˋ You are his emergency contact. He made it official on a sticky note. It says: My little work assistant: My Most Trusted Beloved Idiot. Relationship: Life Partner (Probably). Special Instructions: If I am dying, give them my frog suit. Tell them I love them. Do NOT let Ena plan the funeral. She’ll make it weird.

˗ˏˋ Every time you talk about breaking up (even jokingly), he becomes unhinged. “OH? OH?? So you’re saying you’d leave behind this? This dazzling specimen of emotional fragility? You’d abandon a man with getas so shiny?!” You have to hug him for a solid five minutes while he fake-sobs and dramatically vows to win you back with “romantic competency training” from suspicious magazines.

˗ˏˋ He gets jealous… but not like a normal person. One time you complimented the Receptionist’s voice, and Froggy showed up an hour later with a kazoo. “Do you like this better?! Am I not velvety enough for you?! I CAN HUM ALL DAY!” He hums so hard he gets dizzy. You have to hold him upright and tell him he’s “the loudest kazoo of your heart” just to calm him down.

˗ˏˋ He absolutely cannot cook. At all. But he insists on making you lunch. You open the box and find: a raw potato, three unwrapped cough drops, a napkin that says “I LOVE YOU (PROFESSIONALLY)” in crayon, and what might be a fried mushroom. “I made it with care. Don’t eat it though. I think it’s poisonous.”

˗ˏˋ When you’re sad, he goes silent. Which, for Froggy, is devastating. You know something’s wrong when he just sits beside you, looking down, fidgeting with his frog hat. Then he blurts out some nonsense like, “If sadness were a boss, I’d punch it for you. Or maybe file a complaint. I love you, okay? You’re allowed to take breaks. Even from happiness.” It never makes perfect sense, but it always makes you feel better.

˗ˏˋ He tries to plan romantic dates like he’s preparing for a boss battle. You’ll arrive to find a hand-drawn map with labeled points like “MAKE THEM LAUGH ZONE” and “FLOWER-FLINGING AREA,” followed by “CONFESSION PIT (DO NOT FALL IN).” The map is terrible. The flower-flinging zone is just a trash can full of petals. But the moment he grabs your hand and nervously says, “Ehh…let’s walk this whole stupid map together,”—You realize you wouldn’t trade this ridiculous, loudmouthed frog-man for anything.

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Hey I’m so sorry to bother you but I love your writing and was wondering if you’re still taking requests, if you’re not anymore than just ignore this but I was wondering if you could do Malleus, Leona, Rook, Azul, Jack, Sebek, Vil with a femme fatale reader, it doesn’t have to be all of them whoever you think would be most interesting :) just totally foiling their plans and looking gorgeous doing it

Why, thank you! 🖤🖤🖤

Dodge | Yandere Twisted Wonderland

The typical part about the femme fatale trope is the effortlessly sexy persona of a character. But unlike the world your from this doesn’t require any specific kind of sexy other than you being you. So whether you mean to slyly swerve their affections or just happen to miss it there’s no shortage in their desire for you and your gorgeousness in any form will always leave them chasing:

Idia Shroud

“A-a-are you a primogem? Because I’d go to the edge of the world to find you.”

“....Wait did you say something?”

“NOTHING!I said nothing let’s just keep going!”

Is so embarrassed just to be as close as he is with you

And he honestly views most if not everything you do to be planned and perfect

Even when he’s caught you in 4k being clumsy he’ll just know you had it all planned 

Which encourages him to try a little harder

Kind of like taking on a new boss with a unique game mechanic

Other than getting better pick up lines he’ll have to keep jamming those messages with better pick-up lines

Or just issue an airstrike on them

Yeah that’ll be easier

Vil Schoenheit 

“Dearest you have no idea what I have up my sleeve!”

“Oh? Do you perhaps means this?”

“How did–?”

“Now it wasn’t in your sleeve exactly but you get the point.”

He’s baffled with how he always seems to fall behind in his plans to win your heart

But it does encourage him to try harder

To try and outthink your genius or convenient clumsiness

Or maybe he’ll just count on you getting in the way 

Sure he might miss poisoning a few rotten potatoes

But the reward is much better than the means

[jasongracedefenseattorney]

i’ve seen this assertion and tweets like it several times so let’s actually check the text, shall we! first, what he is referencing is this moment during the war games in son of neptune:

notice how it says he’s fighting in “a completely unorthodox style” unlike how a roman would fight and this is why they aren’t prepared for his assault. it also says the sheer novelty of losing has thrown the defense into chaos. now considering jason is considered a sword master and spent MONTHS with the greeks, it’s safe to assume he’d have trained in their sword fighting methods. yes jason trained in one specific style of combat but so did percy, we just never see a situation where jason has to sword fight all of the greeks. in fact, he even says in house of hades that he struggled with the strict rules of the romans

now let’s get to the meat and potatoes: who would actually win in a fair fight? many people assert percy could and use this quote from mark of athena as evidence:

now if we look at this, we may think this proves anything but it doesn’t. two teenage boys having a pissing contest and each saying they’re better than the other is not evidence that either one actually is. so here’s the relevant parts of the fight that they’re talking about, which happens right before that scene

jason and percy are fighting and jason knocks percy off of his horse with a lightning blast (i would argue that bouncing lightning off of your sword is not predictable). he has his sword six inches from percy’s face when piper distracts him with charmspeak. this gives percy time to recover and he is able to sweep his legs under jason, making him hit his head and fall unconscious. percy almost kills jason until piper is able to charmspeak him. now piper is clearly a variable in this fight seeing as she stopped each of them from killing the other so if you take her out, what happens? easy. jason stabs percy through the face and wins. it is only because piper stopped jason in the first place that percy even had a chance to get that close to killing him at all. sure they are both highly skilled fighters and had he not used lightning, jason might not have won, but he did use the lightning because he has it along with flight and being able to harness air. percy discovered in tartarus that he was able to bend poison to kill akhlys; what happens when jason realizes he can pull the air from peoples’ lungs?

i understand percy is everyone’s favorite but can we please use our brains from time to time? yall hate jason for not being percy and refuse to acknowledge anything that makes him interesting because you base all of your info off of the lost hero in which he spends the majority of the book without a memory so OBVIOUSLY he wouldn’t be super interesting to read. even in his first chapter of the lost hero, he is knocking the socks off of his opponents AND by the end of the book, already learning greek fighting techniques of slashing rather than stabbing

anyway idk how to wrap this up i just want yall to acknowledge that jason is OP

[xenosagaepisodeone]

more on that post from yesterday, I feel as if people who grew up needing to manually learn social rules due to neurodivergence are often susceptible to a kind of cynicism that (ironically) normietypicals don't necessarily subscribe to. it makes sense, once you pick up on the social hierarchy built in to a lot of spaces, it can make social relationships seem transactional and hollow. if you aren't surrounded by people who have your interests/opinions/habits/etc, the only value in fitting in is the emotional experience of being a part of a crowd and how much your "I Am Normal" self-concept is validated. there's also the pride in realizing that you've figured out "the rules" unlike your peers who may not be as socially adept. socializing becomes a game you can "win" in the kind of way you win trivial pursuit, except if the only subject was arbitrary social norms.

i'd say the biggest disservice people do to themselves when contorting themselves this way is losing the ability to recognize that some adults are just unpleasant, not a reflection of the world at large. most of the time when you do a social faux pas, there's normally a way to ameliorate the situation (with the obvious exception of like, exclusive settings, networking or work events where social conduct is part of the package you're selling). if you've internalized heirarchical thinking however, you'll come to believe that you've lost the interaction- that everyone has now seen you for the awkward autist you spend every waking moment repressing. you don't need to do this! people outside of particular circumstances do not see socializing as a game to win. if you keep talking and are kind, understanding and considerate, it's small potatoes- but you need to commit to the bit. other people intuit "the rules", but they aren't actually as committed to most of them as you think (a lot of them don't even fully understand why they exist, they just know it's what you're "supposed" to do). a situation I've observed more than once was someone who had deeply wound themselves around a set of behaviors finding themselves frustratingly confounded when a newcomer with some behavioral quirks was well-accepted by their group. as it turns out, whatever punishment your parents or schools dolled out for your eccentricities don't necessarily carry over to people who are actually compassionate and understanding in the adult world LOL. you poison yourself by believing that hierarchy and being boring is intrinsic to "normal people".

I don't know though, maybe social interactions only work for me in spite of my shortcomings because everyone thinks I'm a pretty princess

[ficxworm]

Thanks and Giving

Pairing: Wilson x House

Tags: Thanksgiving w/ Hilson, Domestic fluff

The aroma of roasted turkey filled the air, mingling with the faint scent of cinnamon and nutmeg. House slouched on the couch, eyes glued to a football game he didn’t care about, a beer in one hand and the remote in the other. He was already three comments deep into mocking the players’ poor strategies when Wilson emerged from the kitchen.

“House, if you don’t help me with this stuffing, I swear you’re eating frozen pizza for dinner.”

House tilted his head, pretending to weigh his options. “Frozen pizza’s not terrible. Less effort, more cheese. A win-win.”

Wilson set down the tray he was carrying with a heavy sigh. “For once, can you just pretend to care about tradition?”

House smirked. “I am. I’m traditionally annoying.”

Wilson shot him a look but couldn’t help the small smile that crept onto his face. Thanksgiving had always been a mixed bag for both of them. Wilson, ever the sentimentalist, tried to uphold the rituals. House, true to form, found ways to undermine them. Yet somehow, they always ended up here—together.

Reluctantly, House pushed himself off the couch, favoring his leg as he limped into the kitchen. “Fine. But if I burn this stuffing, it’s on you.”

Wilson rolled his eyes. “You’re not going to burn it. Just stir it while I handle the gravy.”

House picked up the spoon and gave a half-hearted swirl. “You know,” he started, “Thanksgiving’s a weird holiday. We gorge ourselves, argue about football, and pretend we’re thankful for things we’re going to complain about tomorrow.”

Wilson didn’t look up from his task. “And yet, here you are. Complaining and stirring at the same time. Truly, a multi-talented man.”

House chuckled, a rare, genuine sound. “Can’t let you have all the fun.”

They worked in companionable silence for a few minutes, the sounds of bubbling pots and the occasional clink of utensils filling the space. House, despite his protests, found a strange comfort in the domesticity of it all. He glanced at Wilson, noticing the way he meticulously whisked the gravy, brow furrowed in concentration. It was…endearing.

“Hey,” House said suddenly, breaking the quiet. “Why do you do this every year? The whole cooking-for-two thing. You could just go to a fancy restaurant or something.”

Wilson paused, spoon in hand, and looked over. “Because it’s not about the food, House. It’s about being with people who matter.”

House arched a brow. “So, no one else answered your invites, huh?”

Wilson shook his head, laughing softly. “No, idiot. I choose to spend it with you.”

For once, House didn’t have a snarky comeback. He just nodded, stirring the stuffing a little more thoughtfully.

When everything was finally ready, they sat at the small kitchen table, plates piled high with turkey, mashed potatoes, and all the fixings. House eyed the spread with mock suspicion. “What are the odds you poisoned something?”

“Very low,” Wilson replied, taking a bite of his own food. “I’d miss your charming commentary too much.”

They ate in comfortable silence for a while, the tension of the day easing with each bite. Eventually, Wilson raised his glass. “To surviving another year. And to…whatever comes next.”

House clinked his bottle against Wilson’s glass. “To tolerating each other. And maybe even liking it a little.”

Wilson smiled, and for once, House let himself enjoy the moment.

Thanksgiving wasn’t about tradition, or even the food. It was about finding something worth holding onto, even in the chaos. And in that, House thought, they were both pretty damn lucky.

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

2024 Preliminaries — The Adventure Zone — Round 2

Propaganda

Barclay:

he is literally bigfoot

Indrid Cold:

he is literally mothman. in his human!sona he wears a wifebeater and red tinted glasses. he lives in a shitty trailer and drinks exclusively eggnog. he can see the future. he is literally mothman (it bears repeating).

Kravitz:

He’s the grim reaper AND he’s gay AND he’s a nerd

he's the grim reaper, he puts on a fake cockney accent while he's on the job because he's a fucking nerd, he tried to convince Merle he was his god and almost managed it, his first date with his future husband was a wine and pottery night at the "chug and squeeze" and he thought it was a business meeting

Lup:

she is a lich she is an umbrella she is a pyromaniac. she is trans and she becomes a servant to the Raven Queen. she sees her brother for the first time in a decade and she makes fun of him for dating the grim reaper. she plays the violin and she adores her family and she loves her husband

Amber Gris:

she has extra ghost arms and punches teleporting sharks i love her

She could win tumblr sexy woman if more people knew her I stg she’s crazy she’s a lesbian she fights blinksharks with her bare hands she’s perfect

Fitzroy Maplecourt:

Introduced as quote “very sexy, very sexual” and later was confirmed as asexual so just like peak character I love him

he is a knight, he is the face of a fashion magazine modeling cloaks, he grows like a foot(??) in a magical accident, one time he accidentally turns himself into a plant in the middle of a fight. he decides to overthrow a corrupt government in his first semester of university and he fucking does it.

Montrose Pretty:

he wears a mask constantly obscuring his features and wears full-piece suits. in his free time he likes to talk to mechanical animatronics and pretend they're his family. he is a thief and a great liar. he repeatedly managed to convince multiple people that he's their long lost father to get out of trouble. he absolutely could be a deadbeat dad but isn't!

Shlabethany:

She’s an absolute shitbird. She doesn’t like potatoe chips and she hates movies. She’s a taurus, but not one of those types of tauruses. She once caught a wile fox and fed it poison! She terrible but shes also the best

Dracula:

IMAGINE DRACULA BUT IF HE WAS ALSO A CRINGE FAIL PATHETIC LITTLE MEOW MEOW WHO STARTS EVERY EPISODE WITH A DIARY ENTRY

Lady Elizabeth Godwin:

She’s an old Victorian lady who Dracula hit with a car so hard her body exploded and she got frankensteined to have the body of a body builder but her old Victorian lady head and she’s on a mission to kill Dracula

[harrisonarchive]

Photo by Terry O’Neill.

“There’s also been a strong political thread throughout Harrison’s music, from the recent ‘Cockamamie Business’ back to the White Album’s ‘Piggies.’ ‘That was social comment, and it’s still the same today. Especially now, with glasnost, and communism going away, they’ve got to have a good reason not to give that money to the poor, or redivert it into helping the planet become safe and unpolluted.’ He mentions his involvement in a British environmental movement ‘similar to what Meryl Streep’s doing in America, Parents for Safe Food. The poison is everywhere, on your potatoes, tomatoes — not to mention the air we breathe. The basic problem is that the agrochem­ical industries have a stranglehold on the government. They’re all in cahoots.’ George laughs sharply. ‘They’re probably all freemasons as well. ‘What we need is an honest army that goes around busting those guys, because they’re the ones ruining this planet. But then what you find is that the people causing the most environmental damage are the industrialists. And the Dow Jones people. Buy buy buy! Sell sell sell! This madness that Reagan and Thatcher created, this idea that everyone is much better off now, everyone is more in debt, there’s more concrete, we’ve sacrificed the planet for the motor car... that’s why I can’t practice the guitar any­more,’ George sighs. ‘I’m so crazed by what they’ve done to our planet.’ Though he’s more comfortable with his privacy, Harrison isn’t shy about using his celebrity to promote progressive causes. ‘If you’ve got a platform to speak from, you should speak,’ he says flatly. ‘But it’s always musicians and film people who are doing the work government is really sup­posed to be doing. They collect taxes to take care of everybody, and instead they’re off playing their little games with missiles. And the same people who call this the devil’s music are the ones com­plaining, “Who do these people think they are?” It’s like you can’t win. But it also shows there are a lot of good people out there. And most of them are musicians!’” - Musician, March 1990 (x)

[mariacallous]

As an ex-Soviet myself, I am baffled by the renewed global fascination with autocracy. According to Freedom House, 8 out of 10 people now live in a partly free or not free country. In the United States, surveys show that a substantial number of people would support authoritarian rule and do not consider the decline of democratic institutions a mortal threat. In China, Russia, and elsewhere, the winds of change seem to be blowing in the wrong direction.

Given this shift, HBO’s miniseries The Regime, whose finale aired on April 7, could not have been timelier. With Emmy Award-winning Kate Winslet and Succession’s Will Tracy at the helm, along with all the trappings of prestige television, The Regime was poised to explore some of the 21st century’s heftiest political questions: the allure of demagogues, the slide into unfreedom and tribalism, and the mechanisms a society can employ to reverse this slide.

Instead, The Regime provides only vague winks to the tendencies of the world’s strongmen that fail to rise to the level of serious critique or analysis, deployed with a naivete that feels distinctly American.

Winslet stars as Elena Vernham, a middle-aged chancellor of an unnamed fictitious country in Central Europe who is obsessed with the black mold she believes is invading her palace. To fight it, she summons Herbert Zubak (Matthias Schoenaerts), a hunky army corporal from a province that grows sugar beets. Prior to his arrival at the palace, Herbert was thrust into the national limelight for his role in gunning down 12 protesters at one of the country’s cobalt mines, earning him a gruesome nickname: “The Butcher.”

Elena and Herbert quickly develop a Beauty and the Beast kind of attraction (postmodern, of course, with no clarity about who is the beast—capricious and delusional Elena or self-loathing, bullied-turned-bully Herbert). After a brief falling out, resolved by Herbert saving Elena from an assassin, the two begin to rule the palace through a Rasputin-style combination of hysterics and nativism.

For the next five episodes, we follow Herbert’s zigzagging ascent through Elena’s wobbling realm, from a walking humidity monitor to a trusted political advisor and lover. Herbert witnesses, engages in, or directs various antics that, according to the show’s description, depict a “modern authoritarian regime as it unravels.” Scenes include cabinet meetings that Elena conducts from an ice-filled tub and bizarre conversations with her dead father, preserved in a glass coffin in the palace’s basement. Herbert, a man of rural origins, caters to Elena’s paranoia by cleansing the palace’s supposedly poisonous air with the steam from boiled potatoes (a folk remedy popular in my Soviet childhood).

Of course, no leader can outrun geopolitics. The country’s rich cobalt reserves attract international interest, and after chasing out a deal that would have given the United States mining rights on the cheap, Elena cozies up to China, promising it a free trade deal and a cut of the mining profits. Together, Elena and Herbert then navigate their way through the illegal annexation of a sovereign neighbor, a half-baked flirtation with nationalization and land reform, and the sting of Western economic sanctions.

All this chaotic politicking unfolds against Elena’s droning on about love, which she constantly either bestows on or demands from her people. Ever the shrewd economist, Elena proclaims, “The American beast and its client states try to strangle us, but petty sanctions will always fail because our love cannot be sanctioned.” Having shipped her subservient, poetry-loving French husband, Nicky (Guillaume Gallienne), to Swiss exile, Elena, who has regained her sex drive, passionately makes up for lost time with Herbert��and fails to notice the unrest growing among her populace over the country’s economic downturn and crude handling of protests.

By the final episode—spoilers ahead—it seems that Elena’s ruling model is no match for revolution. She is chased out of the palace and must run for her life through a land it’s clear she knows nothing about, despite the “special connection” she often claims to have with its people. For once, someone in this world other than Herbert has managed to outmaneuver her delusions. But soon enough, Elena bends the knee to the very oligarchs she once vilified. A would-be coup is undone with the snap of a U.S.-backed finger.

“What was that all about?” Nicky asks his wife at the end of the show. He is offered no conclusive answer—and neither is the audience.

Tracy, who created the show, has compared The Regime to a dark fairy tale, which may explain Elena’s look—a cross between an aging Sleeping Beauty and Madonna’s Evita—and the glass coffin. One could also see it as a love story, in which two broken individuals find a semblance of happiness by tormenting each other in their own make-believe reality. It may even be a dark comedy, as HBO describes it, if one can have comedy without a single funny joke. (Her cabinet member’s quip, “His profits are fucked like a spring donkey,” is certainly rude, but rudeness isn’t necessarily funny.)

One thing the show isn’t is satire. For that to be true, it would actually have to satirize something. Jonathan Swift’s Gulliver’s Travels derided the rigid mores of 18th-century England. Armando Iannucci’s The Death of Stalin poked fun at the brutality and hypocrisy of Joseph Stalin’s flunkies in the postwar Soviet Union. Making Elena’s regime a pastiche of autocracies was a fatal choice because those regimes are products of their unique, often brutal environments. Because the show nods to a little bit of everything, it takes aim at nothing.

Instead of real people, The Regime offers us walking cliches: a delusional woman with hot flashes and daddy issues; cowering and corrupt ministers; greedy Americans pining for other nations’ resources; the dull, kerchiefed masses who look like props recycled from last century’s movie sets. It’s not that we can’t care for bad people. We did for the Roys in Succession because they were nuanced characters, at once tragic and funny, with clear agendas that drove the plot. But The Regime’s characters feel generic, simply dropped into the set, stirring no feelings from the viewer, sympathetic or otherwise. The only character with an identifiable interest is the U.S. senator, Judith Holt (Martha Plimpton), who just wants the country’s cobalt. The rest merely float through the episodes, as though searching for a good scene to act out but coming up blank.

This is a shame because the show has no lack of talent. Winslet does her best with the material she is given, but there isn’t much she can do with lines such as, “I like a bit of spice. Spice is nice,” in reference to Herbert’s “spicy” dreams. She has no real antagonists, no articulated desires, and no emotions. Viewers are left to blink at the screen, admiring her outfits and waiting for something substantive to happen.

Schoenaerts, who plays Herbert, is more plausible, if cliched: a tortured warrior prepared to kill—and die—for love. Andrea Riseborough, playing Agnes, the palace manager, is less lucky. Having shined as Stalin’s daughter in The Death of Stalin, here she is reduced to a brittle, peacoat-wearing loyalist who has an unexplained co-parenting arrangement with Elena and yields her maternal rights the moment Elena demands it. Her epileptic son doesn’t seem to mind, as long as he gets new toys. Hugh Grant as Edward Keplinger, the country’s imprisoned opposition leader, is charming, but his cameo feels like a checkmark on the celebrity cast list. With his carpeted cell, steady supply of sausages, and access to the prison’s keys, Grant’s performance lacks the gravitas that the suffering of real imprisoned political figures, including the late Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny, deserves.

And then there is Mr. Laskin (Danny Webb), the head of Elena’s security service. In real dictatorships, the requirements of this job are gruesome and attract rather monstrous personalities—think Lavrentiy Beria of the Soviet Union or Heinrich Himmler of Nazi Germany, both of whom orchestrated horrendous mass murders. Yet in The Regime, Laskin speaks politely about his duty to his country and that he “believes in a principle, the legal transition of power.” Unlike in a real dictatorial regime, we see no blood on his hands. There’s a difference between a temporary suspension of disbelief, which viewers will happily grant, and constantly being asked to accept improbable things.

Herein lies The Regime’s fundamental problem: It fumbles what seems to be the primary point of the show—the portrayal of autocracy. The issue with autocrats is not that they’re narcissists who force others to listen to their off-key singing, as Elena does at seemingly every banquet and celebration she can, but that they are ready to sacrifice millions of people to their delusions. Their subjects, including their inner circle, live in constant fear because the autocrat’s government and law enforcement apparatuses are weaponized and can be turned against them at any moment.

But there is no fear in Elena’s kingdom. Her out-of-grace oligarch is not dispossessed and jailed but simply ordered to clean up chairs at a press conference. Her ministers plot for her downfall in a downstairs bar before mockingly denying her a seat on the rescue helicopter. The rebels take the palace in a span of an episode. (If only real dictators were toppled that easily!) The Regime makes Elena look stupid and pathetic. We do not flee from her in terror; we shrug her off.

Despite her European aesthetics, the portrayal of Elena as a ruler reflects an undeniably American attitude toward autocracy. Even after four years of a Donald Trump presidency, many Americans still don’t take his threats seriously, unable to believe that his cartoonish personality and ineptitude could translate into a real assault on their democratic rights and liberties. With the memory of World War II fading away, others may simply underestimate the difference between living in a free society and living under tyranny.

At some level, plenty of Americans may even hanker for a strongman because he offers simple solutions to complex problems, blind to the fact that—like Elena—he is animated not by public service but by his own vanity, enrichment, and survival and occasionally those of his cronies.

As a creative project, The Regime is free to be whatever it wants to be—a fairy tale, a dark comedy, a saga of human vices. But any serious work of art must be about something, some pressing aspect of human existence, and should be evaluated on those terms. What, then, is The Regime’s message? That love is an exchange of perversions? That the United States is a colonizer propping up authoritarian regimes because it wants their assets? That nothing ever changes and we should resign ourselves to endless inevitable iterations of the narcissist-in-chief?

Cynicism doesn’t win battles—or make for very good television. Perhaps HBO’s next meditation on authoritarianism will give us substance on the topic rather than winks.

[call-me-maggie13]

I’m bored and the guys at work are being goofy so here’s a list of no context things I’ve heard from The Boys™ recently.

“Call me a fake lesbian but I don’t really like girl in red. Clairo? Love. WILLOW? Besties. Hayley Kiyoko? Lesbian Jesus. But Girl in Red and I don’t really vibe. Sorry.”

“Maybe I’m losing my mind, but I wanna bite that truck.”

“Aye, watch your language.” “Will it do a flip?” “What?” “Watch it’s gunna do a flip!” [flips manager off]

“Have y’all heard about the Zuckerberg V. Musk fight? Okay let’s debate. Kanye or Swift, who would win? Actually. That wouldn’t be fair, Kanye never stood a chance. Okay. Obama or Trump? Fists only, no weapons.”

“Do you ever wonder if grass can feel? Like. What if it screams on a frequency I can’t hear every time I step on it? What if the fresh mowed grass smell is actually grass tears and blood?”

“I know we all agreed, but…”

“If lightning struck me right now, would y’all try to save me?”

“Sometimes I’m like ‘Hozier is a god.’ And sometimes I’m like ‘Hozier is just some guy.’”

“Someone threw away a black American Express card. Can I keep it? It’s not expired.”

“I’m not allowed to set off fireworks anymore. It’s not my fault I didn’t know they were actual explosions that could burn a house down. No, this wasn’t when I was a kid, this was like three months ago.”

“What do you think the sky tastes like?”

“When I was twelve, my mom hit me with her car backing out of the driveway and she didn’t even take me to the hospital. I think I broke my arm and I’m pretty sure that’s why my wrist does this. [shows wrist making clicking noise when he rolls it]”

“Okay. But. What if. Nope wait, I think that’s illegal.”

“God customers are stupid. Are you closed?? No lady, the sign says we’re closed because we’re open. It makes me want to eat a car battery.”

“If you could only eat one bug for the rest of your life, what would it be?”

“What are y’all’s opinions on potato flavored chewing gum?”

“Can I start bringing my dog to work?”

“Can I break this? I know it’s already broken, I want to break it more.”

“I’m a simple man. I like when things go boom. That doesn’t mean I started the fire.”

“Sometimes I like to take a bath and pretend I’m a little potato getting boiled to make some mashed potatoes.”

“Why can’t I be a duck? Why do I have to be a person?”

“But if I just punch him in the face, I don’t have to worry about him being mean anymore.”

“Maggie. Maggie. Maggie. Maggie. Maggie. Maggie. Maggie. Mag - okay I’m bored now.”

“If I was a rock, I think I’d be a big blue smooth shiny rock. What rock would you be?”

“I have an announcement to make. Stalactites and stalagmites. That is all. Carry on.”

“Sorry, was that gay?”

“I think being an adult is all about being nice to yourself. And taxes, maybe.”

“Why does the dirt over here taste saltier than the dirt by the flowers?”

“No. If I’m not asking him about Taylor Swift, what makes you think I’d ask him about Gracie Abrams?”

“Can I make a list of everyone’s red flags?” “Only if you list their green flags too.”

“I had to change your contact name to Charles. I don’t know why Charles, I just panicked and picked the first name I could think of.”

“Sometimes I forget she’s your mom.” “She’s not my mom. Do you think she’s my mom?” “Not anymore.”

“God. Everyone wants to be Donna but no one wants to be Rachel. No one is Donna except Donna. Everyone else is Rachel. Or they’re Harold.” (Someone please tell me what this means, I have no idea what he’s talking about)

“Why do crickets taste like that?”

“Oh to be a silly little horse in a silly little field being taken care of by a silly little person I could crush like a bug beneath my silly little hooves.”

“Tell me more, tell me more, like does he have a car?”

“The world went to hell when autopsies started testing for poison. Women just can’t poison their husbands anymore. That was the true beginning of the downfall of society.”

“What happens if someone asks to take their motorcycle through the carwash?”

“You don’t have to file customer complaints if you eat the paper they’re written on.”

“And if I said I still haven’t forgiven John Wilkes Booth, what would you say?”

“I don’t say this lightly, but the Pedro Pascual edits on tiktok have confused me sexually.”

“I just pulled a dead bird out of some guy’s grill. Anyone hungry?”

“Taylor Swift might have forgiven him but that doesn’t mean I have to!”

“Why aren’t we allowed to have a company pet? Firefighters get Dalmatians, we should be allowed like. A fish or something.”

“I dreamt that I came to work yesterday and worked an entire shift, is there any way I can get that added to my pay?”

“My girlfriend is mad at me because I keep playing I’m Just Ken and telling her she’s Kenough.”

“Can we close early on October the thirteenth? Oh, no reason… On a completely unrelated note: what should I wear to the Eras Tour movie?”

“If my grandmother confessed to murdering my grandfather but it happened in like the eighties, do I have to report it? Hypothetically, of course.”

“Sometimes a man just needs to cry to mirrorball and tolerate it in his car. Sometimes he just needs to scream Death by A Thousand Cuts. Sometimes…”

“I accidentally just called a customer Mom and she gave me her phone number, what do I do?”

“It’s only blasphemy if you get caught. Do you really think God has time to listen to everything every single person says?”

“Sometimes I wish I was a woman but then I remember this is America and I thank the stars that I’m not. Sorry, Maggie.”

“Why is it so hard to find a stupidly rich woman searching for a trophy husband?”

“Do you think I could walk through the carwash instead of taking a shower?”

[after a guy’s day off] “I missed you guys yesterday. I wish I never had to leave.”

“My sister told me I was adopted and my mom got mad because she wasn’t supposed to but like. My parents are white. I’m black. I already knew.”

“I just had a child quote Revelations at me because I told him he shouldn’t drink the glass cleaner.”

“I forgot my shoes. Also, I just stepped in glass in the parking lot, someone should really clean that up.”

“I think everyone should be allowed to kill someone if they have a really good reason. I would kill the guy that called my sister a bitch because she didn’t want to sleep with him. Who would you kill?”

“Is… is that… not… normal?” [hint: it was not.]

“I stand with Sansa - I mean Sophie Turner.”

“I still don’t understand why I’m not allowed to punch customers in the mouth for being assholes to Maggie and Dru.”

“What kind of tree do you think I am?”

“Apparently I was supposed to listen to the new Olivia Rodrigo album with my girlfriend and now she’s upset with me for listening to it with y’all first.”

“Every night, I go to sleep and every morning, I wake up. How do I stop this cycle?”

[universaln0b0dy]

Bully twist au v.s reader (untouchable part 2)

《Summary 》: You wanna break them in a way no one else can and maybe you are just manipulative enough to show them you will be superior

《Note》: Bully au inspired by: @.azulsluver also reader is on a revenge trip in this one!

Vil: I wished you were a pretty boy

You hated Vil. He bullied you, made you insecure about everything you were. You hated him with a fiery pation, the way he spread rumours about you and made stupid comments about you every day.

Something in you snapped as he forced you to lick his boots. You hated him from that day on, only wishing to break him with all your might...

"So, you are Neige LeBlanche?" You ask looking at the boy with a smile. You had learned from Vil how to make your eyes have hearts swimming in them, as if you truly loved someone.

"Uh, yeah? You must be the prefect from NCR, right?" He asked and you let out a slight giggle along with a nod. The black haired boy suddenly eyed you with great intrest.

"I heard you are a great fan of mine?" He asks and you smile realising everything is going according to plan. He was as manipulative as you were, you could feel it, but that was alright. You nod.

"Would you be intrested in getting a coffe with me?" He asks and you eagerly nod.

"I-I would love to!" You squeal making Neige grin, before the boy puts a finger to his mouth.

"But shh, those meetings have to stay a secret."

"Potato, where are you going?" Vil barks out and you quietly giggle. "No were." You answer, fully aware Vil had used Rook to check on your affairs over the past 3 months.

You were secretly dating Neige for 3 months already and Vil only now decided to question you about it. It was a win. You could see it on his face. It was eating away at him, you his favourite punching bag has decided to date his enemy.

"STOP LYING." He hisses grabbing your chin and digging his nails into your face. You force tears into your eyes. In reality Vil didn't matter to you. He already broke you, but you could never show him that you didn't care anymore. Not now at least.

"I-I am not lying!" You say letting out a few chocked up sobs and Vil growls. He let you enjoy his presence, you a speck of dirt a useless potato, but you still choose Neige? He can't contain his anger anymore. He wanted you to feel his pain.

"Oh Neige it was horrible!" You loudly exclaim, tears in your eyes. The ravenette hugs you close in a possessive manner. You didn't care that what you were doing was cringe. Neige fell for your act and that was all that mattered. You knew Rook was watching, you knew that he would tell Vil everything like the pet he was. "Well my cherié, come stay in RSA! Everything would be better for you!" Neige murmurs.

"R-really! You would let me?" You ask Neige with a smile on your face and he nods. He would have everything arranged just for you. Rook would probably report everything back to Vil and you could-

Someone storms into the room panicking. "Vil Schoenheit was poisoned and only a true love kiss can help him!" You look at the person in shook, not bothered to even think about Vil. It seems that everything has played into your cards currently.

You are forced to go to NCR, despite you yelling that you and Vil are nothing. The true loves kiss wouldn't work, but the person didn't care, pushing you into the room Vil was in.

You had never seen him in such a state. He looked like he was about to die, wich he probably was actually. You didn't know who poisoned Vil, but you were indebted to him.

"So they even send useless potatoes in to try." He snarls, sure you would come close to him and kiss him and he mentally gagged. At the same time he wanted to have you in such a chokehold, but what you do suprise him even more.

"If only you were a pretty boy Vil. Maybe than we would have worked. But there are plenty people that love you aren't there? I am not her to be a knight in shining armour." You softly caress his cheek, before walking out of the room with a gloomy expression on your face.

"I am sorry, but it didn't work."

_________________________

Azul: Just an insecurity

Azul, Azul, Azul. That boy was horrible, mainly because he only send his henchmen to bother you. He forced you into deals that put you in uncomfortable positions and many many other things. We don't even want to talk about the incident were he ridiculed you in front of the whole school.

But you knew how to get revenge. Azul had tried to get rid of all the pictures of him, but you still had one. One picture of him as a child in a very embarrassing situation. No one knew you possed it, you even had forgotten you had it for a while. You had gotten it from somewhere, probably the museum but you didn't really remember.

You sat in mostro lounge, using a phone someone had lost. It was easy to log in after you realised the code was the numbers 1-9. You created an anonymous magicam account and tagged everyone you could find, posting the picture from Azul you had found with the caption; look at my dormhead!

You wiped the phone after that, logging out of the account and getting rid of any other evidence before hiding the phone. You would probably add a few rumours later on, but that picture was enough for now.

After all you had hit him right in his insecurities.

____________________

Carter: The best masquerade

Carter was a two faced bi.ch. He used his clones to make your life a living hell, even ridiculing you by making you the stupid friend at any occasion, but you were feed up with everything and ready to spew some venom of your own...

"Has someone seen the Ramshackle prefect?" Carter asks casually asks, looking at some students that just shake their heads. It irked him that he didn't know were you were, after all he wanted to play a prank on you, his social media needed content after all.

He suddenly noticed a few students whisper about something looking directly at him. He watched them, they giggled and pointed at him before continuing to walk past.

He brushed it off.

After finally finding you hiding in a tree, he decided that he would pull the prank on you know, making it a live stream.

The prank was simple and a classic, dumping cold water on someone. Just that your clothing became kinda see through once it was soaked.

He cackles seeing you scream in shook and jump up, calling you names saying that you were sensitive, he had the camera pointed at you, not noticing everyone could see you crying.

He put an arm around you grinning into the camera. "Aren't they to sensitive guys? Like it was just cold water." He doesn't notice your uncomfortable expression.

The next day there were more people looking at him weirdly, ignoring him or giving him rude comments. He didn't understand it, why would they do that.

He was angry for the rest of the day. He needed you to become his personal punching back, but unbeknownst to him, someone filmed him...

Carter didn't know how to feel. There was a major call out on him and hate comments filled his videos. Someone had took their time to analyse his videos after the live prank and called him out on his behaviour.

"Also, I think the prefect needs some justice?" The person suddenly said, talking about the fact that you were always a victim, even showing the proof of Carter bullying you.

From one week to the other his whole life had turned around, he couldn't get even remotely close to you and he became a bullying and prank victim.

You smiled to yourself, the grin not even once leaving your face as you look at your friend. "Thank you for helping me!" You say and the friend nods.

"It was fun taking part in this masquerade."

Part 3: Malleus: heart of stone, Kalim: my world is blue, Trey; Rotten teeth

(Also request are open!^^)

[lectern-fullcauldron]

Serverwide megagames (cross server, long term games, with set rules and minimal role play) to enjoy if you get a chance:

Tag: season 6. It's a game of tag, with a name tag being passed between hermits who are it. The game gained rules as it went on, with the tag tower being built and forfeit armour being introduced

The Head Games: season 7. Cleo needs heads for armour stands, so she pits the hermits against each other by putting bounties on their heads. Kill kill kill kill. Cub builds her spider throne

Hot potato: season 6. The goal is to slip a poisoned potato into someone's inventory. Of you have it, you have to do a forfeit and then pass the potato along. It brings us duckwoman and other delights

Iskall's leaf thing: season seven. he needs leaves for the megatree, and he's not gathering them all himself. In teams the hermits must bring his robot shulkers of leaves to potentially win prizes

NFD: season six. Nuggets for diamonds. A serverwide treasure hunt for golden nuggets. You can chuck these nuggets into the NFD machine to potentially win diamonds and diamond blocks

Grian head hunt: season six. Grian has concealed his head around the server. Find them and keep them in a vault. Others may steal them, so hide them well. Most heads wins

Tegg: season eight. Hide the dragon egg. Find the dragon egg. Egg!!

Easter egg hunt: season nine. Look at all these baby hermit eggs jevin has commissioned. Hide your eggs in everyone's bases. The one with the least eggs found wins

Demise: season six. The best game. My beloved demise. The rules are simple. Don't die. No god armour. The dead become greyskins and can trap the living. The winner gets everyone's entrance fee.

Hermitron go: season 5. Ren's baby. Pokémon go but for hermits (is my understanding of it). The hermits loved it

Tag 2 electric boogaloo: season seven. Trap someone to tag them, because grian's feeling mischievous

Hermitcraft tcg: season nine. It's the hermitcraft trading card game. There were tournaments and events and matches galore.

The build off: season six. New hermitville is here with the advent of village and pillage. Whose base is tallest? A number of hermits all think it's theirs

I'd particularly recommend Demise, Cleo's head games, the Easter Egg Hunt, and the Hot Potato

[imlivinginyourtrashcan]

Hi hello im a dirty American heres some friendsgiving headcannons for the sp character

Cartman:

That man aint bringing shit

Only there for the food

The type of mf to steal ingrediants while youre cooking something

Dives RIGHT for the pumpkin pie

Nobody is happy

He denies it but its do obvious hes stealing shit 🤬

Does not wait for a toast

Bro just dives in

Getting seconds, thirds, fourths

When hes done theres no left overs

If he were to bring something id be pie

His moms recipe

BUT THIS LITTLE FUCK EATS IT IN THE CAR

Kyle:

Sometimes hosts the friendsgiving at his house

Brings the sparkling grape juice/apple juice

And also the Kosher things

Only has one helping, tries to get leftovers for the family or for kenny

Helps his mom cook when hes hosting

Setting the table always

Tries to toast but ends up yelling at Cartman for eating before hes done

Helps Ike pack for those little kindergarten thanksgivings?

Yknow when you dressed as a pilgrim and ate food?

Was I the only one who did that??

Stan:

He panicks and brings what he can find

"Hey dude! What you bring?"

"Uhhh... leftover mash potatos?"

Hes TRYING

Downing the sparkling juices like no tomorrow

The eggnog too

Cartman encourages it

"CHUG CHUG CHUG"

Watching the football game

RESTRAINS himself when it comes to food

Like, he wants it but knows Kyles gonna be pissed

Plays catch with everyone else

Or pingpong

Doesnt give a fuck about the Macys parade

Kenny:

Brings canned stuff he got from the food drive

Like cranberry sauce

Sneaking leftovers for his family

Plays catch with the boys

Died from a football lodged in his eye

Oh and from the

"Macys parade"

Incident

You dont want to know

Butters:

Brings the sweet potatos

Suggest christmas music/movies be played

Cartman called him gay immediately

So that got shut down

Brings the extra pies and everything since Cartman eats his

Lover of cranberry sauce and other things most people hate on thanksgiving

"Oh that was good! Could I have more please?"

"Butters what the fuck who likes CRANBERRY SAUCE???"

"I do!"

Doer of the toast

Often gets hit in the face when they play catch and cries

Can't stay for long cuz his parents are strict but hes there on video call rest of the time

Craig:

The type of mf when you ask what he brought he says

"My presence"

MF-

No!!!

You need to bring FOOD

They have to kick him out

He comes back with bread rolls or crackers, cheese and olives

So hes aloud back in

Doesnt care abt the parades or catch or anything

Just kinda there for Tweek

If someone asks him to do sonething he'll do it though

Hes limited by meals thanks to his braces

He doesnt care

Thats future craigs problem

Flips someone off if they beat him in a sport

Or flips off the tv when someone does something stupid in football

Has restraint when it comes to food

Bro will just wait

Wait

Wait

Wait

And then devour his plate in seconds

Tweek:

Brings homemade cider or pumpkin spice

Panicked the whole time

Hiding upstairs half the time

At least until food

He looks like a sopping wet cat

Doesnt really eat that much

Convinced the food is poison

Dont try to reassure him either he doesnt trust you

Has to check a million times though

"Is this poison???"

"No???"

"GAHH!! I dont believe you!!"

Leaves after feasting

He can only handle so much

Arrives super late too which is ironic

Jimmy:

Brings the food over and makes a puns

Like puts devil horns on eggs

"Jimmy what is that?"

"D-d-d-deviled Eggs"

Bro is telling thanksgiving jokes every second

Does the toast some years

Its like a stand up comedy routine tho

He lets you eat during that

Sneaking food

Mischievous little bastard

Puts on family fued when he realizes the boys are too pissed at football

Also has brace limits

But does he follow them ever? Nope

Drinks sparkling juice from a wine glass

Able to keep the party going for a WHILE he has ENERGY

Card playing KING

Winning at Crazy 8s left and RRRRIGHTTTTTT

Clyde:

Brought mac and cheese

Either that or bread

Food sneaker

Thinks hes good at sports

Hes not

He gets hit in the face so often

And cries

Tried Tweeks coffee

Started coughing and gagging immediately

Hes a picky eater im calling it now

Like will not eat if he doesnt think he'll like it

Me too Clyde i get it

Likes the Macys parade

Fucking weirdass

Arrives a bit before Tweek but is still late

The mf to get seconds

Wont eat before the event either

Saving his stomach for yum yums

Tolkien:

Also hosts

Helps his parents with food

Makes the dinner table look like a whole buffet

When hes not hosting he brings stuffing or some expensive good food

Or like

Homemade dip?

Casserole?

Idk

Seems like itd change every year

Great at sports

Helps clean up too

Toasts sometimes

Very generic toast

Doesnt seem like someone who has much to say

[graphicabyss]

DOS2: A Tale of Frustration

So BG3 doesn't run on my old PC so I turned to DOS2 to fill the void and I finished it out of pure spite. I'm sorry to all the fans but... omg why is it so frustrating? So I'm putting some of the things that were driving me crazy to get it off my chest.

the skill icons on the panel keep disappearing when I try to click them like 30% of the time

the 98 damage types and every enemy has a resistance to each of these

the undead heal from poison damage for some fucking reason

the fucking clouds. poison clouds can be extinguished by fire? makes total sense. Electric clouds? You're fucked unless you know a specific spell.

in half the fights everything ends up on fire, often cursed or necrofire. good luck!

Don't you just love the fights where you start of fighting 3 enemies and end up fighting 12? Not my idea of subverting the expectations.

crafting makes no sense, there are 6834673 items to be crafted and half of them are only useful in early game

how are you supposed to learn the recipes? you get some from dozens of crafting books but it's still only like 30%. How am I supposed to know hammer to a potato makes fries?

I was googleing up quests, crafting, combat and everything else every 5 minutes because I'm tired of going into shit blind but honestly it wasn't enough.

you are free to go anywhere except the areas all have specific levels so you struggle through enemies that are 2 levels higher and then find areas that are 3 levels lower you missed

And what's up with Arx? You expect a chill city phase and end up slaughtered wherever you go. And good luck finding those source points!

Half the quests only work if you have a specific character, specific race or trait and you don't know which. Better prepare for a fight.

Persuasion checks make no sense and you only know the requirements once you fail. Have a fun fight!

Finishing a really tough fight, being really proud of yourself... Looting the dead enemies only to fight... Sir Lora. That little bitch has a deathwish and shall run through necrofire and deathfog like its full of nuts. I redid almost every late-game battle more than once. Goddammit.

I appreciate the immersion but could the NPCs stop pacing for 5 seconds? I need to talk to them! I was running after Hannag for 5 solid minutes and only managed to speak to her after I froze the water making her fall.

The inventory drove me crazy... It's not just gear and potions. You have a pyromancer and the enemies are immune to fire? You better get those scrolls. 97 ingredients half of which you're never gonna use. And I just love putting all my keys into my bag of keys manually.

The armour, man. The armour has physical/magic protection stats, skill points, ability points and sometimes spells. So you wanna swap those gloves? LOL now you can't use 3 spells and are also overburdened.

Faithful Item Set. Just that alone. The set has like 9 items and they're all dispersed all over the map, with the most important parts found on random NPCs! Like, there's no quest relating to it, there are no clues. Just... look in every crate and trade with every single character, bro. Good luck! I got all the items using a very detailed guide... except not. Turns out I got the boots first and sold them off at some point. Woo!

Right-clicking doesn't work half the time. Wanna identify shit or disarm a trap? Nope. Wanna look up that boss that you're about to fight? Don't be a pussy, just hit them and see if it works.

I am using a reasonable number of giftbag perks. I'd probably quit without them by now.

Spent about 260 hours on this game and about 100 of it was just inventory sorting.

The final battle... where do I even start? You get all the spells, all the scrolls, all the potions... only to get one-shot by the fucking Kraken. I expected something epic and received an utter clusterfuck. I only managed to win after about 6 tries and only by drinking invisibility potions, waiting for everyone to murder each other and then finishing Rex.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. Sorry for your time.

[touch-starved-apprentice]

TWST CHARACTERS RANKED BY HOW EASILY I COULD TAKE THEM IN A FIGHT

this is all for giggles and i wouldn't be able to take half of them realistically anyways don't yell at me pls

Grim - you’re done.

Riddle Rosehearts - i would never lay a hand on this baby boy but i really fucking could. i have no magic, what’s he gonna do? he’s tiny and i’m a big lady, i could bench press him.

Ruggie Bucci - this boy doesn’t fight fair. but that doesn’t fucking matter. i win. he’s getting yeeted out of the ring.

Azul Ashengrotto - without the tweels this man is nothing, i could throw him around like a sack of potatoes. i don’t know how much i could do to his merform because i don’t know how strong octopi are and i don’t really wanna find out, but i feel like i could still take him bc i run on pure feral energy.

Kalim Al-Asim - he just. he doesn’t have it in him. why would i do that? i can’t. he could drown me. but he can’t. and i just wouldn’t.

Idia Shroud - this man would cower beneath me and think it’s hot but the problem is that he very well could dox me after the fight. lucky for him i think he’s cute and we’d be gaymer autism buddies so i would not fight him. tbh if i DID fight him he’d probably just accept his fate and then Ortho (the other problem) would end me immediately.

Trey Clover - the strong baker arms cannot save him, i am too unhinged. he will run screaming for the hills.

Ace Trappola - he’s going down. he’ll fight back but i throw him against the ground ONCE and he’s done for.

Jade Leech - you give me a nailbat and this man is a goner. i don’t care how strong he is. yes he’s creepy but he isn’t as outwardly feral as Floyd or me, he cannot possibly match me in pure rage.

Cater Diamond - if he’s allowed to use his powers this is an issue. i don’t think i can take multiple Caters, he has so much energy. if not, he’s easy. Cater doesn’t strike me as a strong dude.

Vil Schoenheit - Vil is another that does not understand the pure unadulterated burning fury that resides in my bones and yes he could poison me or whatever, but if we’re talking like just a typical fight he’s gone. he’s not putting up with it, he fought back but he tapped out at record speed. Rook may kill me in my sleep that night though.

Floyd Leech - i don’t care how strong he is either. he gets bored and isn’t that resilient, i get the fuck back up. it’s to the death and i’m very much alive and full of pure rat queen energy.

Epel Felmier - he is smaller than me, but stronger than me, and matches me on rat boy energy so we may be at a standstill.

Deuce Spade - he could beat me if he was mad enough but why would i do that to him?

Headmaster Crowley - in a no magic fight i could Rhea Ripley Riptide this bitch. if there is magic involved though i am simply Dead and he moves up to spot 23.

Silver - the chillest man on earth and therefore does not deserve my wrath but he is a knight and could probs take me down easily. if anything if i fight him then i deserve his wrath.

Jamil Viper - this one is hard but in the end i don’t think i could. he’s spent his entire life protecting Kalim, is a dancer, and a basketball player, AND has hypnosis powers. i dunno if i could compete man.

Leona Kingscholar - there are two routes this could go. either he pins me down and ends my life instantly or he accepts his fate and i get concerned and take him to therapy. no in between.

Rook Hunt - this could go one of THREE ways. one, he snipes me before i have the chance. two, we have a fair fight and he comes out on top bc he’s stronger. three, he thinks i’m hot when i’m ready to end a man’s life and i gain the upper hand. a wildcard if you will.

Jack Howl - no thanks i’d like to not die by having my throat ripped out and also WHY WOULD I?

Sebek Zigvolt - he has spent his entire life training, i’m GOOD thanks.

Ortho Shroud - he could kill me instantly but why would i ever fight my son

Lilia Vanrouge - another whom if i fight them i honestly deserve to die, my beloved Lils. I would have no reason to fight my hubby, but if i for some reason did, he’d kill me on the spot. this man is a father he has KIDS to look after gfdi

Malleus Draconia - he could snap his fingers and i’d be a pile of ash but literally why would i ever fight him? he just wants friends to infodump about gargoyles to?

[divercitizen]

Things that happened when my family went on a cruise this past summer

The day we boarded, we went to eat lunch. I have a gluten allergy, so I asked multiple servers and chefs to ensure what I was eating was free from gluten and watched them make it. Every single one of them ensured it was safe for me to eat. It was not. I ended up in the ship's infirmary before it even left port, because my body went into shock. Turns out someone ran out of rice flour for the blackberry tarts so they just used wheat flour and didn't tell anyone. This traumatized my entire family and was a lovely (sarcasm intended) start to our trip.

After the blackberry tart incident, the entire food staff would follow me and my family around the dining room whenever we were there. They also made lots of comments on my eating choices (because I would rather eat plain potatoes and fruit than risk getting gluten poisoning from their fancy dishes again). We ended up stopping eating in the dining room entirely because we would be bothered every two seconds.

There was a jewelry shop onboard, and they had a free raffle the first night. Drawn in by the possibility of winning free stuff, my family and I went to enter it. My little sister (still traumatized from the blackberry tart incident and ridiculously exhausted) ended up in tears. One of the jewelry shop workers saw and gave her $50 worth of pandora knock-off charms that said things like "sip sip hooray" and "shopping is my cardio." She wore the charms on a necklace proudly for the rest of our trip.

The jewelry raffle had some salesperson come out and show off the "diamond collection" before choosing the winners. One of the necklaces cost $27K. My jaw dropped in horror and I said that was more than a year of my college tuition. My sibling (also horrified) just told me to be quiet.

My sibling and I went to a show that was supposed to be a classical dance and orchestra performance. We were expecting something traditional like ballet. It ended up being closer to a burlesque performance, but weirder. The performers pretended to be birds for one of the acts, and just rolled around on the ground making bird calls. In another act they dressed in streetwear and breakdanced to piano music. When the male performers took off their shirts, the old women who came for the show were cheering and clapping like nothing I'd ever heard before. The two of us sat in the corner shaking from silent laughter the entire time.

My sibling and my mom heard about a "chocolate surprise" late at night and stayed up to go see what that was about. They waited in the dining room until the entire food staff came running down the halls in a single-file line shouting "chocolate surprise!" and carrying spoonfuls of chocolate-covered cheerios. All the other guests acted like this was completely normal.

A comedian had a performance, and was making jokes about prune juice and orthopedic shoes. It was pretty terrible. When an old couple came in late, my mother oh so graciously offered them our seats so we could escape.

We ended up filing a lawsuit in regards to the blackberry tart incident and won :)