#pmdd is not hitting nicely this month

[recreationalwordsayer]

also i know i need stimulation and enrichment esp of the physical sort and i really shld work out but like best i can do is a large cup of iced coffee and slouching on the char

[sevarix-blogs]

ok if i am being entirely honest about t, there were a few things i disliked about it but they passed. frank discussion on these things below the cut, maybe a little tmi lol

there's a joke that T gives you the 3 Hs: hairy, hungry, horny.

the hunger was kinda annoying at first, but it passes. the horny hit me all at once very suddenly and was extremely annoying, but again, it passed after a few months. hairy increases over time, and never stops. for those wishing to grow a beard, it might be a couple years before you can actually grow one. I have no desire to grow one but even still i didn't really have to shave 'for real' until like 1.5 years on T.

that said. the hairiness did bother me a bit at first. bc living as a woman, it was drilled into me by society (and my mom) that hairy=gross&ugly. but i've started to just embrace the hairiness and now i simply do not care. the only place it bothers me is on my face so i shave but that's about it. hairiness is neutral!!! it is not gross and ugly!! it is just a thing that happens to bodies!!!! we are mammals!!!!! mammals have hair!

the top of my head however is a different story. i had some significant hair recession (which is entirely based on genetics, i think from your mother's side) but there are products that can help with that BUT ALSO there's nothing uncool about balding. honestly it makes you look more masculine. i hated the recession at first but now i have a nice widow's peak which is like. very masc imo.

the voice changes happen gradually but you will start noticing it pretty early. took about 6 months i think for my voice to get 'deep-ish' but my voice was not exactly super high before. i remember a few months in when i could reach the same pitch with my voice that my viola makes on the open C string and i was so happy lol. i recorded my voice over the months too so i could hear the progress as it happened.

then there's the bottom growth. honestly i didn't notice it really at first but i wasn't one for like looking down there regularly if i'm being honest. it's definitely noticeable tho. it's kinda fascinating really. i have no strong opinions either way on the bottom growth but i know some transmascs love it. i'm a repulsed ace so idk i don't really care. don't really notice it. but it can be sensitive or even itchy when you first start T

but honestly. the main reason why i would never want to go off T is the fact that it completely stopped my menstrual cycle. that bitch ruined my life. pmdd horrifically awful and i wish it on no one.

there's more too. but like. i was pretty unsure about T at first but now like. now i have 0 regrets. it's been great 😎 hrt is amazing

also disclaimer this is just my experience, everyone is a bit different!

[rantsandotherwritings]

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist for next month. I’m a bit anxious, but mostly relieved. I’m already rehearsing my monologue.

“I need a diagnosis or a prescription or some kind of drastic lifestyle change.”

That’s what I’m going to tell him. I can’t predict what he’ll tell me though. My experiences with therapy have all been different.

The first time a saw a “counselour: was at university. One of my lecturers died suddenly in the middle of a semester and I didn’t know how to cope. I genuinely considered packing up and going home, but it was also the semester before my last and I’d have had to wait a whole year to write my finals. 

I stuck it out and met with the school counselour a few times and we talked about my general guilt over having a good time and taking breaks. She told me to watch “Gifted” with Chris Evans and wrote letters to my other lecturers so I could have extra time to finish all my final assignments. I don’t remember much else.

My next time in therapy was with a psychotherapist and it was NOT a good time. That was when I first suspected that I might be experiencing PMDD symptoms and she was not having it. It was not something she would consider, that my hormones were involved at all.

It was not a safe place for me. I didn’t really want to tell her the truth about anything, because I felt like she would judge me.

I told her about the time my boyfriend’s friend posted an inappropriate message about me on my boyfriend’s birthday and how upset I was over it and her conclusion was that I care what other people think, I care about my image. When at that point, I was just hurt that my boyfriend hadn’t stood up for me. He should have known I’d be offended by something like that.

My mom used to come with me to my sessions and wait in the lobby and my therapist implied that meant I was too dependent on my parents. In all honesty, she wasn’t wrong. I am more dependent on my parents than the average twenty-something year old. And that was NOT the evidence of that. My family’s culture is that we’re there for each other. My mom or her sister (or even I, on one occasion) take their mom to the doctor or to run tests. As much as is possible, she doesn’t go alone. Unless nobody can manage, someone always goes with the others to the doctor if they’re open to it. I couldn’t understand how this was different.

Eventually I admitted that this therapist was not for me and I stopped seeing her.

A bit later, we came across a new one. She seemed nice. She had kids. Her office was in the same building as my workplace. It was a match made in heaven. Our first session, she sent me home with a comic to read! She was so understanding and she sent me to do some hormone testing to make sure my thyroid wasn’t part of the problem. Even though my hormones were normal, it was so validating to be heard, to feel like my voice mattered.

I stopped seeing her after one session where I felt embarrassed. We were talking about the menstrual cycle and she exclaimed at my ignorance of how it worked in terms of the fluctuations of hormones and their effects at the different phases.

“You should know this??!!”

And of course she’s right, but I no longer felt safe. I felt judged and a little ridiculous. So we had a conversation about me not needing any more sessions. Then the pandemic hit, the next month I think.

Since then, my mental health has been tossed between bad and worse. I can’t even remember a time when it was good.

I’ve always been anti-medication, mostly because my parents have been. And recently a friend advised against any kind of mood-altering drug. Her withdrawals were nightmarish. And where she lives, the mental health care system is so much better than where I live, so IDK if it’s a risk worth taking.

But I am also tired. I don’t want to have to accept that this is just the way it is, that this is how it will always be. I need some kind of intervention.

[galunacycheckyourheadtour]

Playing diagnosis roulette and hitting the jackpot.

The sun was out yesterday, as I drove along the seafront to a medical appointment that I had been dreading - I was hoping it was a good omen. For a nice change, it was…

As you will know, my mental health has been bad for a while now. Things really came to a head a couple of weeks ago, when I had to admit myself to the mental health crisis care team, because I was having some seriously bad thoughts. Still one of the scariest moments of my life. My mood has been all over the place some days I was good, some days I was sky high, some days bad and some days I just don't remember. But, I was also suffering from a variety of baffling other symptoms, including restless legs, severe muscle aches/pains, bloating, cognitive issues; not being able to put sentences together out loud, not remembering simple facts, getting hurt, upset and paranoid about the tiniest things, spotting and the insomnia has been wild - 3 hours sleep per night, max for the past 3 weeks. I honestly thought I was starting to go mad and I did not know what the end would be. Since then, I have been having a barrage of blood tests, scans, daily check-in calls, referrals and everything in-between. I was cleared for several cancers, ovarian cysts, a hysterectomy was suggested and several other things. It was exhausting, each of these potential diagnosis/ solutions really took time to process and scared the shit out of me. But onwards I went, each time I would see someone new, have to go through the whole story again and then I would lurch into the next load of tests and theories. It was like a merry go round or shitty go round in this case. I had started to think maybe everything was in my imagination or it was simple just my wonky headedness, just being extra wonky. During this time, devastatingly, I had to pull out of a job that I was so excited about, as I was just not well enough to cope with even the most basic of things. I was taking it hour by hour, literally - I would note every hour down on a post it and score it off. In all honestly hoping that external forces would interfere and it would all end for me. It felt bleak again - back to square one, letting people down again. A complete and utter failure. I did not know how to tell my friends and family, so I didn’t. I just panicked about it, I really started to doubt I would ever get a job again. All through this, the NHS has been my constant and I was so lucky to have them. I am not sure I would be sat here typing this if it wasn't for certain individuals on the team. Anyway, to the appointment, I met with a mental health specialist who took me through all the results, and listened to me. She really listened - for a whole 45 minutes. She was incredible, calm, pragmatic, kind and just made me feel heard. I had bought my journal with me which had dates when things had been especially bad and we started to put the pieces together. The list of symptoms, everything.

She explained that she believed that I have a condition called PMDD, which is basically a severe form of PMS. (How typically Galun that I would have an extreme of something!!! )It is a condition I had never heard of and was intrigued. She went through the symptoms line by line - and everything just fit - absolutely everything. That on top of my pre-existing mental health condition, it all equals the perfect storm of wonky headedness!! So the answer, firstly is I go on medication and this could all be managed very easily in a couple of months. It might not be straightforward, but it is manageable and with diagnosis comes options. She talked about other patients (not by name obviously) who were very similar who had suffered for years - got the diagnosis and were different people in weeks. There is hope and frankly, I will take hope because that is something that I have been seriously lacking recently. The path has been far from straightforward to diagnosis. I had not even heard of this condition before yesterday, but it so common, just not talked about very much. I got home and typed it into google - I saw a link to the Mind website. There it all was in black and white, everything, including testimonials from other women who were saying exactly the things I was going through the - suicidal thoughts to thinking that they had gone loop the loop,two weeks good, two weeks bad - everything. I had a big ugly cry, as I think there is a comfort to diagnosis but also a stark moment, where you realise that this could have been diagnosed years ago. I think this has been going on for a long time with me.

It is very easy, in a stressed system for anti-depressants to just be chucked at anything mental health related and hope it all goes away. I had to persist hard with the other symptoms, as I knew something else was going on. But it was hard and I felt several times like I was fobbed of. In a stretched medical system it is very hard to give something the full symptom check that luckily this doctor did and I will forever be grateful. My counsellor was the person who encouraged me to journal and keep mood diaries and I am so glad that I kept that up. It meant we could put the pieces together and see the link to the disorder. So feeling grateful, I walk into a new phase - it could be a rough month ahead with the new meds but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[xocontinentaldrift]

monthly report: january 2023

Wowza, I can't believe a month has already flown by. After a rough start of my kiddo getting stomach fly on New Year's Day, I spent most of the month just catching my breath and easing into the new year. It was a good call not to put too much pressure on myself.

Ironically, it was a productive month anyway, with lots of happy-making moments and accomplishments:

Revised about 1/3 of my novel

Took a lot of outdoor open air walks despite the snow and cold

Started to go out for dinner every Friday night with the family

Decluttered a lot of papers and some books

Mastered making falafel in our Instant Pot air fryer

Talked with my best friend on the phone a few times

Spent more time with my parents with my kiddo

Did a little more strength training in the mornings, experimenting with doing pushups everyday (because a few times a week makes it hard to track, it's easier for me just to do them everyday)

Bonded with our new kitty and she seems happy and well-adjusted in our home, and she is so snuggly!

Began getting to bed at a reasonable hour (before midnight is a huge accomplishment for me.)

Participated in some fashion challenges via my favorite fashion forum on Reddit

Read a lot of books

Began planning the little guy's birthday party next week, which is NOT a fun task for me, but I booked the location, put down a deposit, sent out invites, managed the RSVPs. Next up: figuring out food, transport/pickup logistics, ordering the cake, sending out reminders

Bought a nice lounge bed roll from Natural Life that makes my home so much more cheerful, funky and comfy

Paid all my bills!

Trucking along in my Duolingo French course -- I'm determined to finish the Intermediate 1 course by mid-year

However, the month had its difficulties and sticking points:

Some instances of mindless spending

Yelling a few times at my kiddo, especially when I was burned out at the beginning of the month coming off the busy holiday season

Conflict with partner over who does what in terms of house/life shit. The problem is that I feel all the work I do is never seen as the work that it is, it's just written off as "easy" and inconsequential.

Thought it got better at the end, my sleeping patterns were off, and I've begun waking up in the middle of the night. (Thanks, perimenopause!) Gotta figure something out because it really does bite into quality of life.

BORED AT WORK. Can't figure out if the responsibilities, the need for a new direction, or just the drab isolation of working from home in the middle of winter.

Inconsistent exercise when it's sub-zero temps. I mean, part of me thinks I can give myself some slack on this, but it does affect my overall sense of well-being

Having moments of feeling super, super depressed right before my period. It's not even just sad -- it's like my brain just can't feel good in any way, and I feel really despondent and hopeless in a way that doesn't feel right. Sometimes I wonder if I have PMDD. Something to think upon, I guess.

Just that general feeling of being in a hamster wheel, running furiously but with no real movement forward. Spinning my wheels. File it under "existential mid-life malaise."

So that's my roundup of January 2023. Not a bad month, I must say. I'm really looking forward to February 2023's goals and resolutions:

Keep revising my novel! I'm really making a lot of headway at the moment, maybe because I've hit a decent patch of storytelling

Getting ready for my writers group to start up again

Planning my kiddo's birthday party, it's gonna be a banger, lol

An old friend will be in town from London, so I'm looking forward to seeing her

Talking regularly on the phone with my best friend from college

More Friday night dinners as a family

Making myself get dressed in real clothes instead of being in sweats all day -- too easy to do in the winter, for sure!

Focusing my reading on books on relationships, parenting, love and marriage, and also incorporating more fiction

Cleaning out my closet once again and sending a box of clothes to ThredUp

Getting a shoe storage cabinet for my dining room

Getting to bed before midnight most nights -- ideally asleep by 11:30pm, but let's be realistic that this might not always happen

Cleaning out toiletries and makeup bag

Wearing perfume everyday -- I have a lot of scents that I need to use and use up and use out

Making an appointment to meet with a new OB-Gyn -- might delay this till March

Taking walks outside as much as I can

Going out to work at a cafe or some place like that at least once a week

Trying out 2-3 new recipes this month as a challenge. I don't care too much about being the ideal housewife, but for my own sake, I need to try some new recipes

Start re-creating an official website/social media professional presence again...which means paying off Dreamhost, ugh.

Maybe look into estimates for redoing kitchen floor

Start planning outdoor landscaping miniprojects, like planting new boxwoods on my side garden beds

Ok, that's getting a little too ambitious; I'll revise this as needed. Here's to a lovely February full of peace, inspiration, liberation and the divine feminine!

[candlelitsoul]

Hard Days Equal Harder Nights

I can remember a time when I would lay in bed, and my mind would float. A new world would open before me, and I could traverse to worlds that were of my own creation. For a reality that was always in chaos, this I could control and bend to my will. I was a spry 16 year old with everything to play for, and my health was better than I would ever know it. I loved to play soccer, though I never had a proper yard, video games were something I did every once in a while, but were always a source of entertainment, and I loved to stay up late and devour novels. Now, however, life is a struggle, and I often find myself daydreaming just to work through or find some comfort where I have had none. My mother, though the one who ultimately raised me, is a narcissist. I was once in the hospital needing to have my gallbladder out, and all she could do was tell me to stop crying because everyone goes through it. “It’s a part of life, so you need to stop and act your age”. Every time I was hurting, depressed, sick, sad, or so run down that all I could do was lay in bed and sleep, she had a reason as to why I had to get up and deal with life: *No one gets to lay in bed unless they’re in the hospital or dying *I once had four kids to raise and I never got a day off *Ya know what? There are times I don’t want to do anything, but you just have to *I worked all day, so you need to get up and pull your weight *I’ve worked longer and harder than you ever will  *No one is going to care. They just want you to work, so get used to it *Everyone hurts, but they get up anyway *I’m not as old as she is, which means I don’t need to lay down My boyfriend often asks me why I say and do things a certain way, and all I can do is say that I was conditioned to do so. An ex friend would tell me that I’m always on alert, and I’ve come to see the truth in it. When I wake up, I’m awake. I don’t try to go back to sleep because, for one thing, no one here is nice enough to keep their voices down and let me sleep, and for a second, I know that someone will come in eventually, so I may as well get up and around. I’ve been made to know that when work needs done, it gets done, and it doesn’t matter if you’re tired, hungry, in a bad mood, or had a long day, you get up off your ass, and do it. More than once I’ve been told that I need to rest, but it simply isn’t possible. If someone here isn’t going to pull their weight, than someone has to step in, and more often than not, it’s me. If I don’t, I’m told a variety of insults:  *Inconsiderate *Ungrateful *Spoiled *Selfish *I will never work as long or as hard as they have *Never to have kids because I’d be just another drain on the government system Tonight, I have a cyst rupturing on my ovary, and it’s in the same place as two weeks ago when it happened, and before then, it was a week. I have been tested for PCOS, but come up negative. My family thinks I’m a hypochondriac, due to the fact that I have several issues that occur at one time; dumping syndrome, weird blood pressure spikes (I’m on medication for blood pressure), panic and anxiety attacks, PMDD, IBS, stomach acid condition, and they can either all hit at once, or spread out over time. I’ve been to the hospital on more than occasion, been hospitalized, had IV’s, been giving medication to stop them, and even though I’ve had doctor’s tell me that it isn’t in my head, and my parents are lying, it continues.  Also this night, my father gave me half a Percocet to help combat the pain, but I am drowsy beyond anything. We live in a home that has a swiss cheese roof, no ceiling (just plastic sheeting), and we have to empty rain buckets when it pours down. I, however, can’t sleep because it has to get done. Rather than help us, my mother has chosen to bury her head in the sand, and sleep (or pretend to), which leaves us to deal with all of it. I can still feel the cyst rupturing, but there is nothing I can do. All I want is to curl up and sleep, and my boyfriend says that I need to lay down and not do so much, but that is like telling him not to go help his ex with the kids (she continually says how she is a single parent, when he does more to help them than anyone. She also tells them they don’t have to listen to him because he isn’t living there, and wants money from him for the kids, when she gets a massive amount each month for the kids, food, rent, bills, etc). I find solace in the times I get to spend with him, and the happiness and safety I feel when he’s there. I have a guardian and witness to the daily bullshit they try to pull, and know that soon, I’ll be away from here.  The rains have slowed, and I hope that soon I can drop off. I feel it coming. My eyes are heavy and I’m swaying to the point I’m nearly falling over. Please keep me in your thoughts tonight, and know that it can always get worse. I’m thankful that it hasn’t yet, and that I have a bright and beautiful future coming.

[cassyblue]

I think it’s finally hit the point where I have to be the monster and tell my parents I do not want to talk to them, I do not like them, I cannot have a relationship with them. I feel so disgusting and gross already because I tried on some of my dance costumes that now no longer fit in the worst possible way. I’m this close to just burning the 100s of dollars of costume I’ve amassed because I’ve been so upset with belly dance for about the past year. I desperately miss my first dance group but they disbanded this year. I am probably pmsing and in the bat shit crazy part of the month because of pmdd. 

But I just have felt so horrible and evil because of my feelings about my parents. I should love them. I do love them. But I can’t deal with them anymore. I owe them so much money. But they have time and time again either hurt me. I feel like I’m fucking insane all the time because I seem to be the only one who feels like I was the one hurt. I’ve been called an abuser to my fucking face at age 17 by my mother. I was told I was the reason if she divorced my father because of my inability to listen to her. My father fucking yelled and screamed in fights with my mom growing up. And she still says I’m just playing the victim and that I’m the one at fault and I’m the bad person. No matter what I do, I can never be good enough or change or be nice. They tell me I had a good childhood. That I wasn’t abused. That I am being a horrible self centered person and delusional for believing that I suffered. Just because they didn’t smack me around I wasn’t abused. Just because I didn’t see my parents overdose and attempt suicide like they did I had it better. But here’s the thing. I heard my father beg my mother to shoot him to put him out of his misery. I suffered for more than 10 years with mental illness despite everyone fucking telling my parents there was someone wrong with me. They refused to get me evaluated to protect me from the world taking pity on me. They legit told me it was because they didn’t want me to have people make things easier for me and have a lower standard because then I would be coddled. These are the people who I wasked for more emotional support in middle school who told me no because that was coddling and they were not going to be coddling their children like other parents. I don’t fucking care that they’re both victims of abuse. THey fucking hurt me so deeply that texting them can literally fucking send me off the rails. All the big fights have been my fucking fault because I just explode because I just never learned how to talk about feelings and hurt without exploding because that’s what they did. Scream and yell. And any time i try to bring up they hurt me they get defense and it turns into that I think they’re awful and horrible and the worst ever and don’t love them and then into a screaming match and then i get told im not welcome. My father basically told me I was not allowed to fight iwth my mother bc she’s still upset with me. 

The last time we faught it was because I wanted to spend holidays with my friend who is kind and good and has always treated me fairly. And I basically said that my mother resents me because it feels like she resents me every time she brings up all the choices she made that she regrets that i should be grateful for.Is it selfish to believe I shouldn’t feel grateful for the fact she chose to have me the fact she chose to leave her job. That I shouldn’t have to kiss her ass for her choices about having a child? 

I’m a selfish, fucking horrible person, no matter how nice I come off. I try to be nice but I’m fucking rotten to the core. I can’t even think of my family first. My thoughts are always focused on me and my friends. Becuase those are the people I care about, I love. Maybe my parents are right. I don’t want them to be right. THey’ve been right about everything else and it hurts because its almost like they created this scenario. 

do not reblog fuckos. 

[pmddnutter]

Running a business with PMDD

I suffer from a condition called Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder or PMDD for short, its sometimes referred to as severe PMS although it is certainly way worse than PMS.  It has only recently (May 2019) been recognised by the World Health Organisation (WHO) as a unique condition meaning that PMDD will be considered a separate condition to severe PMS, should see more funding and research and allow doctors across the world to standardise their terms.  Hopefully leading to more diagnoses and better treatment and understanding.

The WHO defines PMDD as:

“a pattern of mood symptoms (depressed mood, irritability), somatic symptoms (lethargy, joint pain, overeating), or cognitive symptoms (concentration difficulties, forgetfulness) that begin several days before the onset of menses, start to improve within a few days after the onset of menses, and then become minimal or absent within approximately 1 week following the onset of menses.”[i]

PMDD is debilitating, it has caused women to commit suicide.  There are no specific treatments for it; for some women hormonal contraception works well, for other antidepressants, and for a handful of women only a full hysterectomy has helped.  Whatever the treatments, PMDD is different for different women – it affects us all differently.

PMDD and Me

For me PMDD is that girl in high school that was a bit two faced, smiles to your face when she needs you but when your back is turned pulled that ‘urgh’ face and rolls her eyes to her ‘real’ mates – you know the one I mean.

She is never the same though, some months she can be quite mild and meek, maybe a bit of insomnia and overeating, sometimes a bit grumpy or irritable – kinda friendly but you know that there is a storm brewing.  Other months she is in full on Bitch Mode!  She makes me believe my husband is having an affair, she makes me eat ALL DAY, she tells me I’m no good, she makes me want to get in my car and drive as far away as possible.

And when you have this whilst running your own one-man band business it’s really bloody hard!  As a small business owner hand making you own products you already question yourself pretty much daily; is my stuff any good, why do people buy it, why aren’t people buying it, shall I just jack it in and go back to ‘real’ work full time?  So, add PMDD into the mix and I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster and I bloody hate rollercoasters!

With PMDD I get these amazing times of euphoria, exciting manic times where my creativity and enthusiasm are in overdrive and OMG these times are awesome.  I come up with some of my best work during this time, my marketing strategies all just seem to work, I love being around people and go out and network loads.

But then I have to crash, and I kinda know I will but I never know how hard.  Sometimes I’ll just have a teary day, one where nothing goes right, I miss stamp literally everything and nothing I post on social media is interesting, so no one comments.  But sometimes this just lasts 1 day and I don’t even realise until my period starts that this day happened.  But other times I crash bad…  I just hate everyone and everything, my customer service goes out of the window as everyone is against me.  Why bother posting on social media as I can’t make it sound nice or enthusiastic.  I spend pretty much all day holding back the tears and my horrible attitude, I just want to stay in bed but I can’t sleep, I eat EVERYTHING in sight and I literally have to force myself to do even the most menial of tasks.

One of the very worst things about these really deep lows is that I don’t recognise myself, I am usually (for the other 2/3 weeks of the month) a really happy and enthusiastic person which is why I sometimes don’t even realise the manic days have happened until the low starts.  The lows that scare me are the ones where I don’t want to be around people, especially when you have a house to run with 2 small children and a husband and a part time job.  The ones where I just can’t seem to snap out of it, I know I’m in deep, I can’t stop myself saying some nasty things and snapping at those closest to me.  The lows where any orders I get don’t matter, they’ll probably just hate it when it arrives anyway so what’s the point making it at all.  Any messages I get I just can’t be arsed to reply as the questions are just so inane and pointless, or they’re just moaning at me for no reason – no your order that you placed 10 mins ago won’t be with you tomorrow as I have to HAND MAKE IT!  I have to stop myself replying with a message saying ‘won’t you just f*ck off already, you’ll get it when I decide you’re worthy enough to make my crappy handmade sh*t that you probably won’t like anyway and you won’t bother to leave me any feedback even if you do’ (that’s a whole other blog for another time!)

So why am I writing this blog now?

It is now December 2019 and I’ve been trying to write this since PMDD awareness month back in April 2019!  At the beginning of the month I had a plan to do some awesome posts about it, create some keyrings, maybe even raise some money.  Then it hits… why would anyone want to buy any of my keyrings, I’d be doing the cause a grave injustice in creating such shit products.  Believe me, the irony of this is not lost!  The irony of the negative thoughts is never lost once I come out the other side, and it’s this irony that delays me getting the help I need.  A few days passes and you convince yourself that it wasn’t so bad, it was just you feeling a bit blue for a day.  You get on with life, looking after the kids, bury yourself in work; the high is well and truly convincing you that you are absolutely fine and that next month won’t be so bad.  But then you notice the date, it’s a few days before you are due to ovulate and here we go again…

I went to my GP in May 2019 as the symptoms were not getting any better and asked to have the hormonal coil fitted again as it had helped me so much before I had my second baby.  It was fitted in June this year and I waited the 3 months to see if it would help, it unfortunately didn’t and in October I had one of my worst lows to date.  It was horrendous and I booked a GP appointment at 2am after being awake for nearly 48hrs, having eaten god knows how much food, drunk far too much wine and cried at every little thing I watched.  I saw my GP a couple of weeks later, obviously I was feeling much better but I am determined to get this thing sorted and she was amazing and we went through the options and I decided on trying oestrogen for the 2 weeks prior to my cycle.  I had to giggle to myself when reading the instructions; firstly because I have to rub 1 squirt of this gel into my thigh at the same time every day, and secondly because this is effectively HRT given to older ladies at the time of the change LOL!

Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like this is working for me, I’m 4 days before I am normally due on and the symptoms are back.  Definitely not as severe as the October crash but the feelings of annoyance, self-doubt and pointlessness of it all are here, my next step is perhaps anti-depressants, so I’ll book an appointment with the GP and see what the next steps are.

My battle with PMDD and keeping sane for my business continues, even as I write this I am questioning all my plans for 2020. I have/had some great ideas but that little well of anxiety is brewing up again and I’m thinking it’ll just be better/easier to scrap it all. I won’t though, I’ll step away from social media, take some time out for me (although with this comes the Mum Guilt fun) and give myself a good talking to that this will pass and next week I’ll be buzzing and posting non-stop and bugging everyone again! Until next month…

Thanks for reading,

Emma xx

For more information and guidance for PMDD please check out the MIND website here or IAPMD here, or feel free to drop me a message.

You can also download an app to track your symptoms here.

[i] https://iapmd.org/position-statements-1/2019/6/11/world-health-organization-adds-premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder-pmdd-into-the-icd-11

[wouldnt-it-be-hilarious-if-i]

6:32 am

currently listening to: letting you in by awfultune

yall this is about to be the longest rant ever im just letting it all out rn. it's honestly a godsend that no one reads these.

i've officially changed my snapchat bitmoji. i now have a bald head and i am pretty sure i will remain bald through the rest of this month. i'm so fucking tired of everything rn like i wouldn't mind the exams and final projects but i'm just so overwhelmingly sad and it hits me so freaking randomly. like i was okay an hour ago

it's probably the pmdd idk but i'm literally going to lose it. i was trying to find more resources for learning polish and i managed to find a few good ones. there really isn't a whole lot of material out there for learning it and it's really kind of pissing me off. i'm trying very hard to be not so fucking depressed but like i'm viscerally overwhelmed rn and i just want to hide under my bed and just never come out

i'm pissed too bc like 24 hours after my last final (which is today at 1), i have to be packed up and out of my dorm room, which is easily the STUPIDEST fucking rule. i haven't even had fucking time to process anything in the last two weeks, let alone pack my shit. and like it's the middle of the freaking week. y'all couldn't wait THREE MORE DAYS?

it definitely doesn't help that my room is disgusting and i smell like a sewer rat. my shirt literally has a spaghetti stain on it and i have the most infuriating lil shark fin of curls on top of my head no matter how many times i try to fix my ponytail. it really doesn't help that i've been crying for *checks watch* almost a week or something idk and i forgot the testing materials i needed for my test today and today is the last time slot for accommodated testing so yeah :)))))) that's great :)))))))

it also doesn't help that i have dance today, and i have to turn in six hundred things that ARE NOT FINISHED and pack all my shit and make sure i have a ride home bc that's never a surefire thing

i want to walk into the freaking ocean and follow my therapists advice and just take a nice deep breath (joking). i'm literally just so freaking done rn. i am holding back tears as i type this bc i'm sitting in a study room with some of my friends (we've been here since like noon yesterday). i took a nap earlier and i was okay and got a lot of work done but then i sat and tortured myself for a bit by looking at some stuff that in retrospect was clearly going to trigger a lot of emotions (abortion laws)

i've been getting upset over and over bc i told my friend that a tiktok came across my fyp that said i was an instrument of love for everyone around me and i told her it was really sweet and was something i needed to hear and she was like "it's 100% true. you really are" and of course my little rat brain had to take that and start screaming at it that i must not really be bc my own family hates me and everyone leaves me and nothing is fucking real

also my tummy hurts :(

i'm not an angry person. i'm not even angry rn but the emotions read like anger but doesn't feel like that. it's more like just complete stress. like i just want to throw shit and scream for a hundred years or until i make a cup of coffee (apparently one scream for a certain amount of time is enough energy to make one cup of coffee), and that's literally not me. and this isn't about any one thing. i'm just constantly in a state of not ok but pretending to be.

i'll be fine for like two or three hours and then i get angry about stupid things like why tf i have to do this test and not a final essay or something, or why polish is only really spoken in poland and why i'm even bothering learning it and why of all languages i could have possibly liked, it had to be that one. like i could have learned italian or mandarin or like idk german? I'm literally a quarter each german and italian like that would have been so useful in my family alone (that's a lie most of my family doesn't even speak it and my grandfather barely acknowledged his italian heritage when he was alive, let alone speak the language lmao). but like there would have at least been way more resources for learning german or italian. i could have learned hebrew (i do have many jewish friends and a focus on jewish history so like that'd make more sense) or some like dead language or something idk

but no

all i ever do is make things harder for myself of course and choose to attach myself to languages that are hard to learn by yourself and in countries where absolutely not a single penpal is responding even after three days (which is not how that penpal website usually works, i usually hear a response within a day).

i was talking to my friend about this yesterday and she was like "you know you don't have to keep learning it right, like you're allowed to stop" and then she said "or you could just do a semester abroad in Poland so you get to use it, you're acting like you're banned from the entire country or something" which are all very good points but i am not logical rn so it doesn't matter. she could have told me the way to make myself feel better is peeing like a dog on the quad and i'd be like uh huh coolcoolcool

another friend of mine told me i could just learn it for fun

which is pretty much what i'm doing rn. like i'm complaining, but i've practiced every day and taken great care to plan out my calendar to maximize my learning. i don't plan on ever stopping. i'm just tired and unhappy with every thing in the world rn

i want to eat my fingers and crack the bones like lobster shells.

god i am pathetic.

also i realized the other day something that just really stressed me out. i realized that i've deeply and entirely internalized the idea that nothing, and i mean nothing, is ever sacred. i realized it when someone complimented me on my dance clothes a few weeks ago. i said thank you and i accepted the compliment but my immediate response in my head was just that i simply believe they were lying to me.

at any given moment, someone could tell me they love me and my brain just says no they don't and i'll remain very aware of this fact. and like it's not something that makes me sad. it's just a core belief now.

everyone is temporary. even me.

even my presence is temporary. no matter what i do, the ease with which people peel me out of their lives really proves that. i don't see it any other way anymore.

i do my part, i love hard, but i expect no one to stay, no one to mean the words coming out of their mouth, no one to last. i've been thinking really hard about this, and i realized that even in times where things are so good and i feel so loved and valued

a little voice in my brain says very quietly "this won't last the month." or "it's nice now, but it's too good. i give it a week before the other shoe drops." or "those are all nice words, but they're all lies so don't believe a word they say"

and i'm right every time

every single time

and yet it still surprises me lmao as if every step of the way i didn't anticipate it coming very soon. like i realized that i put so much effort into doing everything right and perfectly because i know it's going to happen and i want to make sure it doesn't. mentally i want them to stay so bad, but i want to protect myself, so i just spend all my time trying to make it real hard for them to leave me.

i love so hard and so entirely and with such reckless abandon and i never stop showing how much i care, even to the very last second when they're actively never coming back. even afterward all im thinking about is just all the things i said wrong and everything i could have done differently.

and i've done this since i was a freaking child. like when i was little, i'd spend so much time trying to be the perfect little sister to make sure i was never a bother to my siblings and to make them love me bc i knew it was so easy for them to switch up on me.

like i'm starting to think i don't have trust and abandonment issues. i'm starting to think maybe im just right lmao

and you know nothing triggers me more than hearing my friends tell me im a good person or that this isn't my fault bc my brain just short circuits and replies, "if good, why people leave? why father treat you that way? why family act like you are bother? why friends stop inviting places and talking?" and i think about all the times when everything was going to well and where i did everything right and where i was very careful, and they still left, or all the times when i did none of those things and just tried to be myself, and they left, or when i was 100% convinced that that person would never ever leave and then they up and left the very next day

i am the most replaceable person on the planet. good and sweet as i am, i am very easy to forget and very easy to leave.

and i wish i could say i'll never let another person in ever again in my life, but it's a fucking lie bc everyone whose ever left me (except my dad) could come back and apologize and id cry for hours over the relief from the them sized hole in my heart no longer being empty and i'd forgive them and let them in in seconds. i hurt so much and yet i still love and i can't tell if that makes it a radical act or just a really fucking stupid one

god i don't have enough years of insurance left for the amount of therapy i need

anyway i was watching the secret world of polly flint and i was watching her twirl around and around in a circle (twizzle is apparently the word for this) with her arms out before falling into the grass. and i thought about how i really don't do that enough anymore. so i think i might just disappear into the ether and twirl until i throw up for the rest of the summer.

maybe that's what i need to expel the dark energy inside of me

to just spin in circles in a pretty white dress in the middle of a field and talk to animals and disappear into secret worlds the way i did when i was little and pretended that every day of my life wasn't violently traumatizing. just stand in the middle of the woods and close my eyes and listen to the birds, or crawl along grass and beneath bushes and plant sugar cubes and sweet cream for the fairies to find.

anyway, to end on a positive note, i learned a new polish phrase that i will be trying to smash into my brain

Jakoś to będzie.

maybe after today (when everything is turned in and finished), i'll feel better. i'll pet my dogs and sleep in my own bed for a week and eat only goldfish crackers and snuggle with all my squishmallows and other stuffed animals and go crystal shopping with my best friend and everything will be okay again. ill go and twizzle in a field, build fairy houses and focus on the things i can control. and then things will be okay. and i won't be constantly on the verge of losing it.

i have lots of things to look forward to next week---my first private polish and spanish lessons, being able to lay in bed and just read and write for hours, a summer of ballet lessons, school being over until july (im doing summer school unfortunately), watching downton abbey for the billionth time and going to my best friend's chicken farm.

things can't be so bad on a chicken farm, right?

[2centsofsilver]

8/28/17

Dear Katie, It’s me. Your real self.  Last night in bed I fetched your grandma and we all held hands. You drifted peacefully to sleep and when you woke up, you felt a little more capable than usual. Through making that list last night, you have direction for today. It’s okay that you aren’t getting things done systematically or chronologically or anything like that. Too much. It’s okay that you stare into space for several minutes not blinking because you’re lost in your head because you do snap back eventually and when you do, I’m here for you, pushing you to your next task. So far today, you’ve gotten a lot done! I’m so proud of you. You took a shower, got dressed, put stamps on Lisa’s postcard, paid a medical bill, answered 2 calls from the vet unexpectedly (wow!), found someone nice to practice the bus with you today, and wrote one positive self-affirmation. I really like it! I think it’s cool how you are painting every night and being so kind to yourself. Your affirmation  page idea was really cool, how you cut strips in your art journal and are writing one affirmation a day. Last night’s was what you said to yourself when you looked up at that gorgeous historical building on UM’s campus last week in the wind. You said to yourself (and wrote), “I always dreamed of success without limits.” And here you are. You are making your dreams come true. Even though your mind isn’t well, you’re suicidal, and your relationships aren’t strong, you are still “doing things.” Yesterday I was so impressed by your decision to stay in bed and immerse yourself in the sadness and self-care you’ve been repressing for this entire month. I also really love your bedroom! Your style is so cool and artsy. I love how much you love it and how good it feels for you to spend time in here by yourself. It seems like you feel free in here, and more imprisoned in the common areas. It’s okay if you start spending more time in here and less time out there. That’s okay. Last night at the pizza place, you made a really wise decision to text the Crisis Hotline again. Wow! Aren’t they amazing support when you need emergency help? This is the 3rd time you’ve reached out to them and I’m super impressed. She helped you come up with a concrete list for today and you’ve been checking things off all day! I’m impressed by you Katie. You are so strong and your ability to get into this program speaks volumes to your abilities to overcome this current pain and hardship that will, as people say, pass. It will. They may not understand the severity or intensity and how things don’t “just pass” easily. You often have to suffer long-term and day-to-day even while they’re passing. But they do pass. And you’re going to find help medically for your PMDD soon. You’ve already been given referrals through UM-CAPS! Good for you Katie. I know the other morning was extremely scary for you and then you woke up to that text from your friend. You know yourself better than anyone and you know that you did not say or do what your friend questioned you about. You hope with all your heart she doesn’t question or doubt you or think of less of you for something you did not do. You keep telling yourself she cares about you, but your depression keeps telling you she doesn’t. And you wish so badly for validation on her end. A “Yes Katie, Things are so hard for you right now. But I’m here for you. And you’re going to be okay. I believe you. I believe you didn’t do it. And I care about you very much. I can’t wait to watch you fly high in this program. I’m so proud of you. Love you forever.” You wonder all the time if this type of reply is too much work or too ideal, but you often cry because you feel it’s so easy. Maybe she just doesn’t understand the volume in which a text like that would move you forward. You know it’s not her responsibility to do so, but the absence you feel during this time is scary, I know. You’re being patient with this. That morning you were more suicidal than perhaps you’ve ever been. You stare at your melatonin bottle every day and I’m proud of you, that you’ve begun putting it out of reach after you take your prescribed dose and before you go to bed. That’s smart. I’m also really proud of you for how comfortable you made your bed and how beautiful it is. It seems like you’re setting yourself up well to feel comfortable and happy in your own living space. It doesn’t matter if your roommate voices how much she doesn’t get it. This is your room, not hers.  After receiving that text from your friend, you texted the Suicide Crisis Line, not because of the text your friend sent; you were already going to do it. That person’s name was Erica and she helped you more than any other crisis counselor has thus far. I’m so proud of you for telling her the truth and getting through that extremely terrifying, very painful and scary crying episode. I was there for you while you were pacing back and forth, feeling trapped in your room. And I am so proud of you for letting it all out, even though you were being silent and trying not to let your roommate hear you. Erica told you to text the Crisis Line tonight to come up with a game plan to make sure you get to Orientation tomorrow. Eventually Erica calmed you down and I watched you stop crying. All that struggle, Katie, that conflicts you during those episodes- the pacing, the mental back and forth, the decisions, the fear and questioning you have, that back and forth is SO important Katie. I know it’s painful. But that CONFLICT means you are constantly struggling between desperately needing help and following through with allowing depression to overcome you. You’re constantly fighting your depression. And every time you touch the good side, the “You can do this. You want to do this. You can do this. You got into this program. You can do it” mixed with the “You’re a failure. No one wants you. They want you to disappear. Do them a favor because you love them so much” -- those left wing, positive states, no matter how short they last, those are little exchanges you have with me, and I love playing a part. It’s the constant struggle between depression and me (the healthy you who’s rooting for you), so as hard and painful that struggle is, so far it’s kept you fighting.  Your Depression says you so rarely succeed at making plans with people (flipside: Other people don’t succeed at making plans in general). You’ve never been one to cancel plans once made because so many people cancel on you. But I am SO proud of you for saying NO and standing up for yourself yesterday and today. Cancelling plans these last couple days has done you the biggest favor. You need to be one with yourself in preparation for this program. Ironically, “It’s Amazing” by Jem just came on. “Do it now, you know who you are. You feel it in your heart and you’re burning and wishing First, wait, don’t get it on a plate You’re gonna have to work for it, harder and harder. And I know, because I’ve been there before. Knocking on the doors with rejection, rejection. And you’ll see, cuz if it’s meant to be. Nothing can compare to deserving your dreams. It’s amazing, it’s amazing. All that you can do. It’s amazing, makes my heart sing Now it’s up to you. Patience now, frustration’s in the air. And people who don’t care, well it’s gonna get you down. And you’ll fall, yes you will hit a wall. But get up on your feet and you’ll be stronger, and smarter. And I know because I’ve been there before Knocking on the doors, won’t take no for an answer. And you’ll see, cuz if it’s meant to be, Nothing can compare to deserving your dreams. It’s amazing, it’s amazing. All that you can do. It’s amazing, makes my heart sing.  Now it’s up to you. Don’t be embarrassed. Don’t be afraid. Don’t let your dreams slip away. Determination, using your gift Everybody has a gift Never give up, never let it die Trust your instincts, and most importantly, You’ve got nothing to lose So just go for it. It’s amazing, it’s amazing. All that you can do. It’s amazing, makes my heart sing. Now it’s up to you. It’s amazing, it’s amazing, All that you can do. It’s amazing, makes my heart sing. Now it’s up to you.” This song has some pieces in it that makes you feel like you have to be independent. That’s not true. I’m here for you.

[easyweight101]

Rainbow Light PMS Relief Review (UPDATED 2017): Don’t Buy Before You Read This!

What is it?

Rainbow Light PMS Relief is an herbal supplement designed to reduce the symptoms of PMS with use. This product claims to help with mood swings, breast pain, cravings and fatigue.

Rainbow Light PMS Relief is made with a blend of soothing ingredients like lavender and the hormone balancing berry, vitex. This product also aims to tackle cycle regulation with use.

Femmetrinol is the supplement our reviewers recommend most often to women dealing with menopause. The formula is crafted with supportive ingredients like wild yam, damiana, chasteberry and black cohosh — all working together for maximum support; reducing hot flashes and night sweats, mood swings, as well as improving energy and sexual function. Click this link for more nutritional information about Femmetrinol.

Top Rated Menopause Supplements of 2017

Do you know the Best Menopause Supplements of 2017?

Rainbow Light PMS Relief Ingredients and Side Effects

Rainbow Light PMS Relief is a plant-based supplement made from soothing herbs and amino acids. Here’s a look at what users can expect in terms of PMS relief, as well as some added benefits:

Vitex Lavender California Poppy Meadowsweet L-Phenylaline L-Theanine Cordyalis Yanhuso Ginger

California Poppy: Considered the state flower of California, this plant is used for medicinal purposes such as insomnia, bladder problems and liver diseases. California poppy may help with mood disorders like depression, and may have a soothing, sedative effect on users.

Ginger: A rhizome used in cooking applications, as well as medicinally, ginger’s healing abilities are best defined by their potential to soothe nausea and motion sickness, as well as its use as a digestive aid.

Ginger might also help with immune support and inflammation.

Vitex: A small berry the size of a peppercorn, vitex is known for its effect on all manner of ailments associated with the female reproductive system.

This ingredient is thought to stimulate the pituitary gland, which is responsible for progesterone production — thereby alleviating menopause symptoms, PMS, period pain and more with use.

L-Theanine: An amino acid found in tea, L-theanine is uised to provide a sense of calm alertness in users. It is thought to improve the condition of those suffering from high blood pressure or anxiety and may even have an effect on Alzheimer’s patients.

L-Phenylalanine: An amino acid often used to treat conditions like depression, ADHD, alcoholism and more, L-phenylalanine is found naturally in eggs, dairy and meat, but also may be taken as a supplement.

Lavender: Used for insomnia, nervousness and anxiety, lavender has a calming effect on users and is often used in sleep aids.

Meadowsweet: This herb provides an aroma similar to wintergreen and contains salicylic acid, an anti-inflammatory agent and pain reliever. Meadowsweet is also used to support healthy digestion and may be used a diuretic or homeopathic remedy for colds, flu and rheumatism.

Side effects may include gastrointestinal bleeding.

Corydalis Yanhuso: Used for mild depression, nerve damage and high blood pressure, this root ingredient is a mild sedative that may function as a tranquilizer or as a hallucinogen.

Side effects may include muscle tremors or spasms.

Click here to learn more about using herbal ingredients to keep your body running smoothly during menopause.

EDITOR’S TIP: Combine this supplement with a proven menopause pill such as Femmetrinol for better results.

Rainbow Light PMS Relief Quality of Ingredients

Rainbow Light PMS Relief differs from many other supplements that target hormones. It’s made with a number of herbs that have the ability to provide a calming, or even sedative effect with use — which seems like it may slow some consumers down.

Vitex is the only ingredient present in the Rainbow Light PMS Relief formula that is known for its effect on hormonal balance — a key element in helping women deal with PMS, as well as more severe menstrual issues like PCOS or PMDD.

Rainbow Light PMS Relief is not a menopause product, and while those same hormones dictate menstruation, in general, and menopause, this product likely will not provide the full support that the menopausal woman needs in an herbal supplement.

Want to learn more about what you can gain from getting your hormones back in balance? Click here for more.

The Price and Quality of Rainbow Light PMS Relief

Rainbow Light PMS Relief may no longer be available — at least through the manufacturer’s official website. While there are plenty of places to buy this item online, it’s worth mentioning that we’re not sure that this product has been discontinued or how long it hasn’t been available straight from the source.

Rainbow Light PMS Relief can be found on Amazon from a collection of third-party sellers. The price tends to stay around $16-20 per bottle containing 30 capsules.

Get rid of those uncomfortable hot flashes and sleepless nights — our guide to the best menopause supplements here.

Business of Rainbow Light Menopause Relief

Rainbow Light Menopause Relief is made by a company known as Rainbow Light — a supplements maker known for their vegetarian-friendly, vitamins and herbal remedies. Here’s a little background:

Phone: 800-635-1233

Email: info@rainbowlight.com

Rainbow Light PMS Relief appears to no longer be sold by Rainbow Light, at least at this point in time. During our search for this supplement, and the company that makes it, we ran into an ad citing new Rainbow Light supplements—suggesting that the company may be in the midst of a revamp.

The Rainbow Light website, is overall nice looking. It’s easy to navigate and there’s not an onslaught of information on the home page. Should you decide to flip through the rest of the site, you’ll learn that Rainbow Light uses spirulina algae as the food base in all its supplements — adding another layer of nutritional benefits to their range of supplements.

Additionally, the site features a number of friendly-sounding articles centered around aging, nutrition and more. They’ve also dedicated a page to talking about corporate social responsibility, particularly their involvement with the charity, Vitamin Angels.

Overall, this company seems like is both reputable and has a conscience. We just wish we had confirmation as to whether or not this particular product has been discontinued — which may help give us some insight as to whether or not consumers risk purchasing an expired product from third-party sellers.

Customer Opinions of Rainbow Light PMS Relief

Rainbow Light PMS Relief still has reviews posted online, despite potentially being discontinued. Most consumers claimed that this product at least helped regulate mood swings, but some felt that it wasn’t effective enough to provide relief from the full range of PMS symptoms. Here are some of the comments:

“Was really hoping this would work. My birth control ceased to help to eliminate mood swings and heavy bleeding. This didn’t do anything, which is terrible; my period wreaks havoc on my life for 10 days at a time.”

“My period has always been an uncomfortable affair, but when I hit my mid-thirties, it got worse. This product has helped me combat migraine headaches, extreme mood swings and other symptoms.”

“Been having several period problems as I’m entering perimenopause. This product helps with my bloating and mood swings, but it isn’t a magic pill. I’m still getting back aches and cramps. Plus, pills are huge.”

“I can’t enough positive things about this product. I don’t feel as down before my cycle, breakouts are greatly reduced and my period basically sneaks in and out after a couple days. So much more comfortable.”

Rainbow Light PMS Relief has a relatively positive backlog of reviews. People seemed to like that this product helped them feel calmer, while experiencing less pain during their monthly cycle.

Unfortunately, though not surprisingly, this product had no reviews from anyone who is currently going through menopause, so we don’t know what the results would look like if it was used for these purposes.

Learn more about taking charge of your body during menopause — details after the jump.

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Conclusion – Does Rainbow Light PMS Relief Work?

Rainbow Light PMS Relief has a number of positive reviews. People seem to like this product, generally speaking, and at the very least, it seems to have helped many women deal with extreme mood swings that come along with their periods each month.

Aside from what appears to be pretty consistent efficacy, at least for certain symptoms, this product is not a menopause product and it may soon be hard to track down.

Rainbow Light PMS Relief does contain some ingredients that may be used for menopause, fertility or other hormone-related concerns women might experience at some point during the reproductive cycle.

Though there’s the chance this product could have an effect on menopause symptoms, users at this stage may be better off looking for a supplement aimed at targeting their unique needs, rather than trying to adopt a product meant for women who still menstruate.

Femmetrinol is our top choice for menopause products — and we’ve looked at a lot of different options. A unique blend of herbs gently eliminates symptoms such as mood swings, hot flashes and low libido — without the risk of any adverse reactions.

Femmetrinol is made with potency and consumer safety at the forefront of its production process. From sourcing to shipment — this product is manufactured with close attention to detail. Why should you try Femmetrinol? Click here to learn more.

from Easy Weight Loss 101 http://ift.tt/2uVdPHq via The Best Weight Loss Diet In The World