#plus its like. old as shit
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minus the turtle foot necklace that i have somewhere, the deer horn, and couple other bug necklaces i have, this is my collection so far over time
this is not how i store them of course, just showing it all laid out here.
#animal death //#idk what else to tag this#ignore the dirt. ive had incense stored in this shelf recently#plus its like. old as shit#porcupine quills a horseshoe crab molt a turtle shell a woodchuck skull a beaver face pelt and a unicorn beetle
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I think the main thing that pisses me off about like 90% of mephiles ships is that people will be like "how old is he??" Look that fanwiki says that he's ten and they RUN with it. Like they don't read further. I'm so convinced that most people don't even know the plot of 06 bc the shit I've seen people draw and write with the characters is just mind boggling.
#trash rambles#like yeah i understand thwt nearly all of the named sonic characters are either minors or unspecified#but like#even if he was actually ten#shipping him with other minor characters would be so weird 😭#plus i dont think it would even matter if he has actually a minor because that uncomfortable power dynamic would still be there with most#other characters#and like#god idk#the amount of dog shit mephiles ships i have to have blocked in my tags is extremely upsetting#LIKE. WDYM?#MARIA??????#STOP IT 😭#tikal makes more sense but that one still makes me uncomfortable#idk i dont even remember all the ones i blocked i just remember that find the maria posts was like#devistating#that and the one person who liked all my 06 posts and was a mephiles and elise shipper (theyre siblings to me so someone like that liking m#art of them is understanbly upsetting)#that being said how old do i think infinite is??? because he doesnt have an official age (that i could find)#personally i think hes anywhere from 19 (at the absolute youngest) to like. early 30s idk 💀#somewhere between thoes idk#the only version of him that has a 100% solid age in my head is for the ghost au and hes 22 in that (bc hes a junior in collage)#n e way#i just woke up so ignore if this is illegible#ugh idk i really try not to be gate-keepy about stuff i like because its annoying but like#i love 06 so much it kinda hurts tl see people just kinda not knowing even the basic plot or like. only going off the fandubs (which i#really enjoy but at a certain point you can only say mephiles is ur favorite and have people quote it at you or in the comments of your 06#posts so many times before you just like. idk. (also ive had people irl tell me 06 sucks after i told them directly it was my favorite sonic#game??? like??? bro you asked ME.))
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AU where Karma’s a secret DOA member because he deserved more and i need to see him with Sigma and Nikolai 😭😭😭
#he joins a literal terrorist group w/ a three year old a shitty politician a vampire a clown and a rat and its still better than where he#was before so like what can he do about it 😓#ALRIGHT LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN. Karma’s been in constant terror of Ace using his ability on him. so he has a reason to get rid of abilities.#Ace’s thing was casinos so he’ll be good with Sigma. he’s a child so people won’t suspect him. he can be like their mascot or some shit#he looks older than Grenade Necklace Girl so maybe Fyodor wouldnt blow him up#plus yokohama needs its Official Redhead Showdown#bsd#bungo stray dogs#decay of angels#bsd karma#bsd ace#fyodor dostoevsky#bsd sigma#fukuchi ouchi#nikolai gogol#bram stoker
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Seeing all my old Star Wars art getting reblogged
#PLEASE ITS REALLY NOT GOOD#LIKE#ILL REDRAW SOME OF THAT SHIT IF IT JUST MAKES YOU GUYS STOP#I DONT WANNA REMEMBER THE UGLY OLD ART#OLEASE#I DIDNT EVEN HAVE A GOOD LAPTOP AT THE TIME SO A LOT OF THE ART IS COMPLETELY FUCKED UP IN TERMS OF COLOR#PLUS I WAS A TEENAGER SO I WASNT EVEN DECENT AT DRAWING YET
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#feeling very defeated#changing meds so depression and suicidal ideation are raging#fat‚ ugly‚ losing my hair#chronic pain and pcos constantly reminding me that i'll never look or feel how i want to#plus the inability to function normally in society which have made it hard to work steadily#and that lack of funds has lead to its own set of issues#but the PC my roommate handed down to be fried yesterday and the project i had been working on is currently unreachable#back to using my old laptop and it runs like shit#i'm just. i'm tired. i'm so very tired#but i made my promises to not kill myself so. prepare to read my vent posts‚ boy
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i Need to take up embroidery now rIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#walmart didnt have a starter kit and hobby lobby is closed RRRRUHHUERHRHRRRR#i was always like i love it but its simply somebody elses thing my whole life until like 1 am last night my brain unlocked#the things i could make with practice and patience i need to seeeE CONSARNIT shit would be SOOO COOL#i want to just have fun with it and be jovially shitty at it for a while until i pick up on things#ive forgotten everything ive learned throughout my life when it comes to sewing & that of the like but i feel like itll click after a while#itll definitely be a lil side hobby bc holy FUCK i dont have time to really sit down and invest atm but still#maybe my small new years resolution is get better at embroidery and see my progress bc i lov that shit#plus when im like 60+ yrs old imagine what crazy shit i could do if i start now#ANYWAY ill get to those asks eventually theres some that i simply want to draw for but brother im sniper focused on getting this damn comic#done and DONE so i might have to answer them way later tbh unless its super easy and quick to answer imma have to put off asks cause im#hellbent the comic should be done by early february
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oh yea i can upload art this time uh heres a drawing from new years eve =]
#its a redraw of a thing i did on new years eve in 2018#i finished the origjnal digitally a few days later but i thought itd be fun to try and redraw the full drawing traditionally#its kinda janky in some spots but im proud of myself. its cute#plus i just dont do full traditional drawings much#scribbles#ocposting#i havent used this character in forever… man#by forever i mean literally 2019 btw XD ahhh i feel so bad abt never doing shit w my old ocs but like… idk#they dont really do much for me anymore like i love them dont get me wrong. theyre my silly little guys.#but like i dont really… want to do much with them? like their stories dont do much for me their characters and designs arent stuff im super#crazy abt abymore. this sounds so negative help 😭 i dont mean it that way#like. some old ocs i do revamp and do stuff with. eyesontreeseason is a big example#but also like recently i remembered abt my old lps ocs and ive been doing stuff w them#not really actually having any storyline just like doodling them and stuff#but like.. i feel like thats different becuz their story was never very set in stone and also its just. the whole setup was ‘they can trave#thru dimensions lol’ so i can do more silly stupid shit w them i guess#idk#im just rambling help
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If I had to describe the mood, it really is like when you grow up with an abusive parent; and there are bad days where you're just willing for them to go to work and be gone all day so you don't have to hear them yelling and slamming shit
#That plus mixed with like#Slightly more adult feelings of unspoken resentment bubbling under the surface#And complicated webs of need#Like I need a place to live - so as not to be homeless#You need - idk question mark? To feel heard and valued#Okay but like talking down to the adults in the house and plus the eighteen year old#Talking to everyone in an insulting babying voice#Because youre JUST TRYING TO BE CLEAR#It sucks man#Its been all weekend and yeah I was just like please go to work please go to work#And like I love my sister and my nieces but this environment is nothing but passive and active harm#And micro- to macro-aggression masquerading as control#And like when is the breaking point?#You really like.#Lose a LOT of your goodwill and empathy even for someone you love#When they react the same harmful ways that#Even the youngest child has pointed out is harmful! is negative! makes them feel bad!#But they just keep acting and lashing out bc they arent being heard#Bc SHES tired SHE didnt sleep SHES anxious she#You know?#Like to make your reactions to stimulus everyone in the houses triggers is#And to not try to find outlets to help make things better for everyone#Rather to say every time IM SUCH A BITCH IM SOOO SORRY. I SHOULD JUST. STOP. TALKING#Fuck man#I need my own space#(I need to drive off a bridge)#I just need to find a space away from all of this drama in this house man#Sorry this is a lot but i wouldnt be able to express this much feeling to anyone#Nor do I feel like I have a right to inflict my stupid bullshit life problems and whiny emo shit on anyone#Long tags are long
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Nothing is ok. Everything's fucked. I hate being alive.
#i am doing FANTASTIC on the arthritis meds sincerely like holy shit i have my life back#my liver is so fucked over i have to stop all arthritis medication and see the gi doctor plus get an ultrasound#and i have to start therapy again and I CANT FUCKING AFFORD TO LIVE NOW HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SPEND#50 FUCKING DOLLARA A WEEK FOR A THERAPIST WHEN I ONLY MAKE 180 A WEEK FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE#if this liver doesnt kill me then the pain without meds will make me unalive myself i am not kidding#i have no quality of life without my meds and i dont want to live if i have no life worth living because its just pain#i hate this i hate my fucking life i hate this fucked over goddamn shitty meat husk thats literally killing me#im 24 fuck this why make a 24 year old so in agony he wants to fucking die because no medicine is safe for his body#that literally is trying to destroy itself from the inside i hate all of this i hate fucking living
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i think people should be fully allowed to opt out of working jobs and still be able to live comfortably no matter what their situation is and im not fucking kidding
#i keep thinking about my dad a few weeks back being like 'i think everyone needs to earn their share by working' and internally i was like#actually i think thats fucking stupid LOL but ive thought that for a while now#it also only just occured to me that i dont even know how disabled people fits into that idea of his#but theres many flaws to his idea#granted theres also flaws to mine but im not a fucking government dude idk how that shit works. and idc#cause i still think this should be a thing anyway#and people can be like 'but then no one will work! what about all the jobs that we need!' people will still work dumbass#plus honestly people dont like the idea of jobs being taken by robots but i actually do think some would be fine being taken by robots#like self check out is a thing and old people are like 'wah wah why should i use it if im not being paid to do the cashiers job wah wah'#shut the fuck up who literally gives a single fuck. when im alone i literally always use the self checkout its genuinely faster and easier#and also i dont like interacting with people if i dont have to. win win. plus retail workers are famously miserable#most retail jobs like. might actually just be replacable. not all of them. but some#this has become a lot ignore me lol im just saying stuff#also i know people will be like 'whaaa but youre anti ai wdym you think jobs should be replaced by robots!?'#i think art cant be replaced by robots. but being a fucking cashier? the biggest issue there is just shoplifting i mean come on#whatever this isnt a full on debate or anything im just rambling lol#ignore me
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also guess which complainer about cevio/voisona's supposed lack of vocal dynamics controls finally Looked Up. and Discovered.
#IN MY DEFENSE on cevio its hidden by default you have to unhide it#but not in my defence it was just out there in voisona. but in my defense again i got scared by the key controls above it#what if the key signature controls kills me. what if i make eyecontact with it and it kills me#but this shit rules ITS NOT as versatile as my beloved sv tension parameter#you cant go from loud to soft within a note for example#BUT this still adds so so SO much. plus i like the usage of forte and piano for it#i like putting a bunch of pp all over my synth covers. normal thing to say#OH ANOTHER THING IN MY DEFENSE for me not looking at the big black bar and seeing the controls is that there are Not many cevio tutorials#in english or otherwise. most are a little basic or too old so they dont mention these parts. i did watch a few japanese tutorials#most were also too old so they have different UI BUT i did watch one where the dude started fucking with dynamics and i was like WHAT#besides most unofficial tutorials and manuals especially in the english speaking world like Only focus on pitch editing. WHICH makes#a BIT of sense in that older software basically just had that + breathiness and maybe formant as things to edit. but we live in the future#i think there is much more to play with than just pitch bends especially with newer software. lot of fun to be had!!#ia has a really nice special type of phoneme in cevio that makes her go suuuuper soft and relaxed which im having fun playing with!
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Do you have thoughts about Baby Henry and his Great Aunt Matilda?
Oh BOY do I.
I could literally go on and on forever but I should redirect you to this entire fic which is basically a coherent, carefully constructed, novel of those thoughts:
(Those with an astute eye will notice that I call Matilda Henry’s aunt, as in his fathers sister, as opposed to his great aunt. Maybe this is due to the copious amounts of inheritance fuckery brought up in the first chapter. Maybe I forgot because rereading nothing but shadows makes me sad. Maybe I can make it work and I’m going with it.)
#*smacking four year old Henry on the head* this bad boy can hold so many childhood symptoms of autism#look at him. he had no friends. didn't respond when people called his name. zero imitating of the adults around him.#would scream bloody murder if you tried to take something he liked away from him. absolutely did not babble.#probably didn't talk until he was like five. is picking up on no one elses emotions. never seems to waver from “:)” regardless ofenvironmen#anyways. I’m crawling all over the wall connecting random sentences from the books together with red string#Dissecting this shit to the core#Used my Jstor account to go study the York dialect in the 1850s#Which is different than just the accent btw#because I connected the dots#I can make that mistake work actually#Add it to “mistakes I make that actually make sense”#Gloria Branwell does not like her in-laws. Or her husband. Or anyone honestly#plus the inheritance fuckery happening brought up in the first chapter#So a lot of relationships are being being blurred#its worth noting that for all intents and purposes Henry did think she was his great aunt#Which is mostly because a) his mother hated her and b) she died when he was like ten#and therefore died way younger than one would assume she would have.#anyways I love that fic#of all my fics (despite the glaring mistake that I genuinely cannot believe I made what the fuck caterpillar) that one is like#the most detailed#most carefully built up#most “could be inserted into canon”
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imagine my horror today trying to troubleshoot the misbehaving shower head when i unscrewed it from the wall mount and there was no plumbers tape around the threads
#the plumbers tape didnt work btw. its the head. but i bought a pull down head so all is well and it WILL be installed properly#that old showerhead is a piece of shit like it drives me insane i cant pull it down to rinse the tub after cleaning it#plus i think its at least a billion years old
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it's my crash bandicoot oc, Susan! she is a leucistic white tree squirrel.
she is a mechanic and sole owner/operator of the Pit Stop in CTR while also working part-time at Pinstripe's casino as a cocktail waitress. she later works for Nitros Oxide as his pit crew chief.
#bees art#art#crash bandicoot oc#oc#original character#sona#artists on tumblr#oc x canon#this is like the 4th time i've redesigned her#i wanted her to look more like a mechanic plus i was getting bored of her old design#and yes i do ship her with nitros oxide. its all a very long story#maybe i'll write it someday#also yeah shes a working girl... roll out of bed and stumble to the kitchen pour herself a cup of ambition......#she uses her wrench as intended and also to whack the shit out of people who piss her off
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just had theeeeeeee most awkward phone call of my lifffeeeeee
#aksjdhdhfhdhdhfjhdhdh#cis people are so funny. lmfao#it was sweet but oh my god#i had to shadow someone with a new client and she brought up how i have a 'mans name'#which happens all the time n i just grin and bare it like. i work with old ppl#and i dont pass ofc i get that all the time#but the family i was visiting CALLED MY BOSS to make sure i was okay afterwards omfg#which is actually so sweet and im p sure one of their kids is enby so they onvs kinda get it#very nice of them to check up on me#but OH my god. having my boss ask how they can support me. plz stop#never even said the word trans or pronouns or anything. dance around it. very funny#but like. u can support me by not talking to me about this. blease#its so awkward. YOU dont wanna talk about it bc evey cis person thinks its a fukin minefield#and i dont wanna talk about it bc its awkward af plus im used to it i dont give a shit#it was nice and like yay inclusive work place! very good and luck to have that!#but it was so fukin awkward
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Elric thoughts that've been in my head since I reread the Elric Saga Vol. 1 and started on Vol. 2:
Slightly disappointed/annoyed that Dyvim Tvar didn't defy Yyrkoon after he declared Elric an outlaw. It was dumb of him to leave Yyrkoon on the throne while he explored the Young Kingdoms, but its basically a repeat of what happened in Elric of Melniboné except the only Melnibonéan that showed any loyalty was Tanglebones (rip). Shout out Tanglebones. But yeah no it feels like Dyvim Tvar did a complete 180, because he jumped at the first chance to help Elric when Yyrkoon tried to kill him before, but now he assists Yyrkoon (though I suppose maybe just Melniboné itself?) and has to have known that Elric was with the Sealords raiding Imrryr (elemental wind, getting through the sea maze, etc). Maybe I'll get answers in a future story, since he probably isn't dead yet...
Also when does Elric learn where Tanelorn is?? Like, Elric parts from Rackhir as he searches for Tanelorn, and all we really get is other characters bringing up Tanelorn/Rackhir to Elric so he can mention that he knows someone that's seeking the eternal city. And then all of a sudden he just knows where Tanelorn is and that Rackhir has found it despite not seeing him between Elric of Melniboné and The Vanishing Tower. Cool that Brut of Lashmar came back though. And Jhary/Jaspar and Whiskers. The timeline desync with Corum is kinda neat, now that I understand what he was talking about in the Sailor on the Seas of Fate. The Three-Who-Are-One somehow makes more and less sense than the Four-Who-Are-One though. Cool that they got to merge like a megazord for the Agak/Gagak thing, but just linking arms is just about the same thing, which I don't really get but that's fine.
#elric of melnibone#elric spoilers#i guess#its kinda old but you never know. kinda like how im mostly reading this for the first time lol#enjoyed rereading vol 1 so i finally busted open my copy of vol 2#plus listening to hawkwind and a bunch of the metal bands that have done songs about/in tribute to the series. love hawkwind#remember when lemmy was in hawkwind? entirely unrelated#look forward to starting the revenge of the rose tomorrow on my way to work#speaking of i really need to sleep cause i gotta be up in like 4 hours x.x i am not built for normal office hours#my shit
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