#please im sick of constantly being hated on if im not on tumblr

[failure--girl]

at this point i think overdosing on something is my only permanent solution....

[onlyplatonicirl]

im sorry if this is kind of like a vent post a little bit but i just want to get it off my chest

Interacting with utmv tumblr lately has been giving me anxiety. I feel scared that like, everyone hates me even though I literally do nothing except write my fic and I just try to be friendly and kind to everyone who also likes all the sans undertales but then other people get mad at me for being kind to the "wrong" people, which is how i got put on a "proshipper" list despite not being a proshipper and strongly disliking problematic content.

I'm scared of utmv "antis" because i see so many people's blogs where they talk CONSTANTLY about hating proshitters and find joy in starting drama, which is a horrible and extremely detrimental mentality to have. I thought we were here to enjoy utmv, not... shittalk everyone we dont like. I'm scared of utmv "proshippers" because i dont want to be associated with or see dark content or anything nsfw at all because i am very uncomfortable, I just.

Want to be normal. I want to have fun. I want to be a nice person. I feel like everyone hates each other and has so much underlying beef with each other and whenever I reblog art I get nervous if the artist secretly hates me or something.

tldr im just really tired. Nothing happened to prompt this im just. H.

if you have beef with each other thats fine but like. dont drag me into it, please just block other people you dont like, callout blogs and callout posts dont do anything except create food fights unless you have solid proof of someone being a genuine piece of shit (a groomer, a transphobe, yadda yadda).

I've never understood the need to constantly complain about things. It drives me away because it makes me miserable. I hate dreammare but I don't even think you could keyword-search a single result about it on my blog if you tried. Because I just don't talk about it at all. Which I don't understand why it isn't the norm.

In my life I've lived I've grown so tired of anger and hatred, I've been surrounded in it to the point where it makes me sick, and i cannot hold onto it for more than an hour. I don't hold grudges, I don't hate, and if I dislike someone I will just not talk to them because I would rather stick dynamite up my nose than be the cause of online drama and shittalking. There are a few people on this platform that I strongly dislike and think should not have a platform due to their actions but I don't want to engage in war. I'm not interested.

Drama is not fun and it never has been when it's over things that don't matter. If you find it fun you need to severely re-evaluate yourself.

again this isn't directed at anything in particular i just dont like being nervous all the time.

[volfoss]

3, 15, or 18 for erm thae witcher

oh i am about to be the biggest hater known to man im so sorry

to preface. i avoid the witcher tags for the most part because its me and my 3 witcher mutuals against the world and everyone has bad takes all the time otherwise. so i do not have a TON of experience w fanon there but i have explored it a few times.

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

surprising amt of geralt is a nepo baby fanfics last time i checked the tag. i stay blissfully unaware a lot of the time w stuff. ACTUALLY. netflix witcher exclusive. when people are constantly talking about how geralt is such a good dad there when he has interacted w ciri maybe 3 times because they removed the really good bonding scenes from the books. i have to be a hater about it bc i think every other adaptation has handled their relationship better and i dont see the appeal of ohhh their found family (with geralt yennefer and ciri) in the shows. in the books yeah. but thats because they actually get time to spend together there. and they didnt make geralt suck as a character. also not on tumblr but the fucking team yenn team triss people on reddit. are we really going to ignore what triss did to that man?????

15. that one thing you see in fanart all the time

i dodge the tags like as much as i can but i feel a big thing is u can TELL what someone is consuming to be into this series because all netflix fanarts have been very um. weird about jaskier in a fetishizing gay men way (how they hc him not how i do etc). also sick of seeing 20 million fanarts where they completely erase every scar the characters have. if u draw geralt or ciri or even TRISS without their scars that are yk. supposed to be defining parts of their faces/character appearances i am blowing you up. stop yassifying grandpa please.

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

there are two things that apply here imo:

1. the hexer adaptations. you guys just hate fun. in what world is an early 2000s short tv series that has the worst dragon cg due to a very small budget. it is one of the best adaptations of the first 2 books in terms of characters being in character and how they handle the source material. also outside of the one polish comic (the Betrayal/Zdrada issue of Prószyński i S-ka) it is the only adaptation to show geralt's past. it is also really fun with costuming too! they have a lot of clear inspiration but also like. objectively w their budget sometimes it looks bad. its charming to me tho and im SO sick of the netflix witcher hype. sorry #1 henry cavill hater for the role.

2. my BEST FRIEND angouleme. yeah she was only in 2 books but she is one of the characters of all time. to me she is such a good example of both geralts tendency to save people when he does not need to and how they will just let kids be so comfortable and safe around him. she is also just so fucking cool man and again w her being book only (for good reason but im dreading when those get adapted and people are weird about her) character i get why she doesn't get much hype but STILL. she is so fun she will see an insanely old vampire and be like hmm. nickname time for him. yes he could kill me but i stay silly about it.

[pressagie]

tw: homophobia

hello!! first of all i just wanna say that i love your blog (@/diospirando) so much. i found you through your uquiz (which was really helpful btw). i came here to ask about my love life. here is a little bit about me: my hobbies include learning about marine life and watching films. i am a lesbian and come from a pretty religious family and almost everyone i know is also very religious. i haven’t come out to anyone for obvious reasons except for a few really close friends. i myself am not religious and have left my religion last year, however i feel this overwhelming sense of guilt for leaving even though whenever i try to come back to my religion i just can’t get myself to believe in it again. sometimes i wish i could just go back to believing in it like i did before and try my best to start liking men because i really dont want everyone i know and love to hate me. all of my irl friends are homophobic and i feel a lot of guilt for what i am and after constantly being told my whole life that i will go to hell for simply loving someone i just dont know anymore what to do because i am really so lonely. a lot of my irls are in relationships and i just wanted to ask if there is someone for me as well? like someone who is able to understand me unlike all of the other people in my life and accept me for who i am? and is there a chance of that person being a guy? (i know this sounds bad of me asking since i just said i am a lesbian but i really am just hoping that there is some guy out there that i will like so i can continue to have a good relationship with my family and friends). i am honestly just really sick of being lonely and not being understood, i just want to meet someone who gets me well. i have a preference for tarot but you can decide which works best for my situation. i’d also like to request a book passage and song of your choice. again, thank you and sorry for this question being so long.

hi im so sorry im the person who sent the last anonymous ask (the one that mentions being a lesbian and having a very religious family). i forgot to add something to it and i have no idea how to unsend/edit an ask because im kind of new to tumblr but i just wanted to add something to my question. I'd like to know about future patner and the type of person they are (any information is about), it can be their appearance, personality, achievements, where I'll meet them or even how they're doing currently in life whatever you can channel I'll be happy with anything. thank you :D

Hey 🤎

I'm so sorry you're going through that.

(And thank you for the TW.)

Speaking as a queer person with christian and queerphobic relatives: please remember that you can't choose to like men, or anyone for that matter. Obviously, attraction is fluid – but let me ask you this (and tell me to fuck off, if it's not my place): even if you were to be with a guy, would that solve all the problems which the people in your life have?

I can't tell you what to believe, just as no one should. But if you need to hear this, and it helps in any way: I promise that you're not going to hell for being a lesbian, and you deserve so much better than the judgement and guilt from your family and other people. You deserve to be happy, be it single or otherwise. You deserve understanding, to feel connected – and not only acceptance, but FULL BLOWN RESPECT.

(I'm really glad that you liked the quiz! Guessing you meant this one?)

(Did I understand correctly that you follow me @diospirando? Either way, feel free to come say hello 🥰 I'm very curious to know if we've interacted before, but no pressure!)

(Oh and you can't unsend/edit asks.)

Note: I added some info to my pinned post, and I recommend (to everyone who sent in questions) giving it a read.

Now on to your reading... I did try Tarot first like you asked, but the Oracle's what you get today 🤠

This deck is based on animals at risk of extinction in the Iberian Peninsula (where I live) and others with relevant roles in our mythologies/religions... I included their names, in case they have any personal, special meaning for you – and there are some marine species :]

Spoiler alert: you only got birds 😂 but at least 3/5 (that I checked) are related to the sea!

Is there someone for me as well?

— Who is able to understand me unlike all the other people in my life and accept me for who I am?

ASCENSION & the pigeon Columba palumbus azorica (horizontal)

I take the terms the author of this deck uses with several grains of salt cause I don't buy into the common spiritual associations with, e.g., ascension (but that's a conversation for another time) so here I'm taking the card to mean distancing yourself, traveling... Flying, if you want to be more literal.

This species is endemic to basically one of the Azores islands only – meaning it can't be found anywhere else in the world. If you combine this information, I think it's fair to say that you can find someone (to have a relationship like you want) if you look somewhere you already expect to find them, such as a specific community (that could very well be online)!

Sidenote: it landed on my lap instead of the table, and I usually use that to signal if something/someone has tried to catch your attention, or is still trying – so pay attention.

I'd like to know about my future partner and the type of person they are.

— Their appearance, personality, or even how they're doing currently in life.

RECOGNITION & the falcon Falco naumanni (horizontal) AUTHENTICITY & the gull Ichthyaetus audouinii (upright) + VISION & the eagle Aquila adalberti (inverted) WISDOM & the eagle-owl Bubo bubo (upright)

You may recognize each other from somewhere, but not like you knew each other well before (there is a Reunion card to symbolize that kind of previously established contact/relation in a stronger way). This falcon is a summer migrant so that might point to when you first crossed paths and/or will cross again.

Their personality is authentic, but you'll have a hard time seeing that (at first). This could be related to your own interests and lifestyle, and the concept of individuality (refer to the gull's and the eagle's links for inspiration to think deeper about this).

Either they're being thoughtful regarding how they live, and making wise choices, they're a student/teacher – or both! The Bubo bubo (adorable name) being a species of eagle-owl can indicate some connection to the previous eagle card (individuality, perspective...).

This is getting a little long so I'm gotta let you take it from here 🐚🌊

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (1865) Chapter III: A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE

«They were indeed a queer looking party that assembled on the bank – the birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and uncomfortable.»

Movement by Hozier in Spotify Singles (2019)

Thank you for trusting me to read for you. I would love to know what you think: if this resonates with your circumstances, and what comes of it. Don't be afraid to give me honest feedback and suggestions, after all, it'll help me become a better reader :]

Do you want to expand on this or have another topic to explore? Leave me a (follow-up) question!

You can always include the numbered tag associated with your reading(s), and I'll add it to the future posts as well, so they are identified as belonging to the same querent, and easier to find – check below, next to #OMEN DEAL.

For Ko-fi tips (zero pressure)

I honor the spirit who helps with my practice – for winding and guiding my path, learning how to sit with me, and being a light to read by.

Elioth Gruner's Milking Time / Araluen Valley

[viiirsventworld]

vent

i know i usually hate posting on tumblr since no one ever hears me, but this time i need it. im tired of constantly venting my heart out into venting channels in hopes that ssoomeeeons will hear, this time i dont want to be. i feel so alone these days. I knwo its stupid, its unfair, since eeverryone has their own responsabilities andd shit but it just. im so stressed out left with nobody to lean my shoulder on in my time of need. ive been clean for 10 days, and I feel like returning back to self harm . i feel like an emotionless,organless husk roaming this sick twisted earth with no goal, no direcction. I want to scream, I want to be heard, but my voice is silenced, ignored.

im so tired. i love you all so much but it hurts, it hurts when theyre all gone. i cut off one of mu closest yet shittiest friends,and it sickens me. i usually turn a blind eye when people hurt me, and keep going on. Im the funny, haha dumb friend. I’m not meant to hold grudges, yet this time I do. Yes, she may apolagize, but will it mean anything? or just an attempt to keep your dumb friend around, to ridicule and humiliate?

i feel as though im not being seen for my true potential. its only numbers, and calculations, and scores and knowledge that are seen, but what about my actual talents? why won’t you praise me for what im actually good at, instead of degrading me for being so so worthless at everything else?

message sent, message left on read. message sent, message ignored.

scrolling through playlist to playlist on youtube. a shitty [erson once told me that when im sad, i shouldn’t wallow in my feelings and do such things, listening to ‘sad’ music. to move on. but this time, this time, i dont feel like ignoring myself. i want to feel

please someone just see me

hear me scream

please

i pour my heart out everyday to no avail

it hurts and it burns i just want you please

im so tired and exhausted at this point. i want to cry, i want to sob my eyes out, yet i cant find the power to do so

i feel like im suffocating here

[somescenecatholic]

vent post

tw: queerphobia, religion, depression, offing

pls help me and dw im not depressed or officidal anymore

////

grace culture is being tired of constantly having to hide lgbt stuff (especially this tumblr) from your parents bc theu will lecture you abt how I should hide this stuff

their only reasoning is bc you dont see straight ppl do it

UGH I wish they would actually listen to why! I told my dad and he dismissed it and my mom, i dont remember. I love them sm and im sick of this strain. im done with constantly having to hide in fear of them

like they literally cried when i tried getting a chest binder after they said no (this was literally the most dysphoric point of my life ever and I told them tht and they were just like "well u need to love urself more").

I love being a teen but I srsly cant wait till I get out so I can actually do these things and live how I want to. I have good morals and a good heart so ill be fine.

Mom thinks I'm getting too lost in society, yet thtis same society wants me dead and in hell. Like what???? I told her abt the antimtrans kaws being all over the us and stuff and she said "well what does tht have to do with you?"

IM TRANS, SOME MY FRIENDS ARE TRANS.

Not only tht but human rights should NEVER be repealed! And then she went on and on abt how she helped this person and how she sees herself in me.

Since this is how you are treating an extremely marginalized community, I dont want you in me. I love you and dad so much but I just cant do this anymore. I'm tired of lying and hsving to sit through your speeches abt how I should keep lgbt stuff private bc they would like me to do tht and society may hate it in the future (it already does). I'm tired of lying abt how I agree with you when I completely dont. I'm tired of you saying tht "well God loves everyone" when you really arent acting like tht, actually live your life and truly show His love to everyone you meet.

My dad is the same way execept he's not Christisn (he's Muslim but he doesnt go to mosque) and he looks down on gay/trans ppl bc so much of us have bad mental health. hmm I wonder why?? Its the same thing with Black ppl and other POCs so what are you talking abt?? We're Black so we should know how the other feels! And you're a doctor so you should stop this prejudiced nonsense, please.

I want to actually be able to talk to my parents abt anything and everything and be able to be me. I wish tht I didnt just have God and my friends, but my parents too! I wish tht they actually supported me with this stuff bc all theyre doing is hurting me! They say they love me but when I asked my mom to please use she/they (this was when i was thinking tht i was a demigirl and used she/they), she said "uhh no" and ignored it. only my friends helped. When I told my mom tht I wanted a chest binder, she said "what if its too dangerous and hurts your boobs?". I did research and proved her wrong but she still said no!

srry for the long vent but im just so tired of this. Last night, my mom looked at an image I sent to my brother and friends

this one ^ and she lectured me abt the gay emo pride thing. WHY DOES SHE CARE SM?

For someone who's like "well nobody cares tht youre gay", you care quite a bit. Stop trying to convince me into liking or dating guys and stop trying to force me to not speak abt smth im passionate abt.

"well you havent rlly developed an attraction to guys"

duh obviously, bc I DONT WANNA DATE THEM! Guys are cool as heck and I'd be their best friend but not their gf!

You and dad think im doing this for attention but my entire life, I didnt care abt tht. Even when I was a toddler, I didnt care and made sure you knew! Dont you know me better? You pride me in being your first and being your daughter and you love me alot but if you truly love me, please stop doing this. I wanted to off myself and I was depressed bc of this. You're lucky tht I have a strong relationship with God bc He was the reason I didnt. He gave me wonderful friends and He comforted me through His word.

At the same time, Im afraid to even tell mom and dad this bc I know they'll be absolutely heartbroken and will cry a LOT bc of this. I dont wanna see them cry again bc when I did, I felt like it was all my fault and yeah. I have no clue what to do other than keep this a secret from them until the day I die. And after tht I dont want them to go to hell bc queerphobia goes against all God stands for.

pls help

srry for the long post but ive been holding this back forever. This has gone on for 2 years

[jasontoddsreanimatedcorpse]

I posted 7,628 times in 2022

73 posts created (1%)

7,555 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@emotionalsupportgoth

@ravenvsfox

@oifaaa

@chekovs-fuckup

@clumpofglitter

I tagged 466 of my posts in 2022

#911 spoilers - 22 posts

#quality content - 18 posts

#the wilds season 2 - 13 posts

#batfamily - 12 posts

#stuff i made - 12 posts

#batfam - 12 posts

#dick grayson - 11 posts

#the wilds spoilers - 10 posts

#dc - 9 posts

#tim drake - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#spring rain can be so light you hardly notice or the heaviest you've seen in a while but it carries the best scents and leaves you laughing

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

im very funny actually

49 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

#4

i'm really hoping the direction take jake to much more of a protector role for the system - marc feels a lot of guilt over killing and steven straight up Does Not Like it, so I'd like to see jake portrayed more as "i'm doing this so they don't have to" instead of just bc he's violent. not only is the "evil alter" trope just incredibly toxic and an awful stereotype, but this alter is also latino coded, and making him have a more violent personality is in bad taste. i want to see jake be conflicted, and feeling trapped in the deal with khonsu - not liking the job but doing it to protect marc and steven. also i would love for marc and steven to change the language they use about themselves - rejecting the idea of being broken or having a sickness that was constantly brought up by others in the series. a lot of how did has been portrayed in this show is already a massive improvement on other mainstream media "rep" and i really don't want to be let down as the story continues

51 notes - Posted May 5, 2022

#3

slowly falling in love with the concept that tim's public persona just. is not very well liked. people will talk about tim drake like "yeah that guy's kinda a dick". all his friends and family know he's a good person but tim just likes fucking with people. when he goes by drake he starts twitter drama with himself saying that red robin has always hated him and is using his name to annoy him. when his friends annoy him he goes on twitter and says shit like "idk i just think superboy is overrated :/ like tactile telekinesis ain't that cool bro" and people go fucking wild. i just think it's neat

174 notes - Posted June 21, 2022

#2

i need like. jason and damian teaming up for pranks. they meet some new heroes or maybe as civilians meet some people in some sort of scenario, one of the people swears and jason is like

"hey! he's only thirteen!"

and they're all like "uhhh"

and damian just looks up all wide eyed and innocent and goes

"fuck"

and chaos breaks out. give me jason and damian convincing people they've corrupted damian in some way i think it would be hilarious

190 notes - Posted October 28, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

i made a new quiz pls take it bc i am so curious

223 notes - Posted January 12, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[kangtaebins]

Weird Asks That Say A Lot

I said I was going to just answer all of these bc of boredom,, and so here I am

1. Coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Teacups are aesthetically pleasing idc what anyone says

2. Chocolate bars or lollipops? Lollipops

3. Bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy supremacy

4. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? I was told that I was a leader a lot, and was told that I was very intelligent. Ah yes, I suffered from gifted kid burn out in high school-

5. Do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? Look, plastic cups are the best. Specifically the ones with the lids and reusable straws

6. Pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? It truly depends on the day bc some days I would say goth and other days I’d say grunge, but most days- pastel

7. Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds

8. Movies or TV shows? TV shows bc- idk actually I’m just not a movie person

9. Favorite smell in the summer? I have a weird obsession with the smell of cheap sunscreen and I have no clue why

10. Game you were best at in p.e.? I hated gym in high school and rarely participated despite the teacher being irritated with me (truly she gave up after a few months bc I really did not care at all) HOWEVER- I went to town in volleyball and still enjoy playing volleyball v much

11. What do you have for breakfast on an average day? I don’t eat breakfast often,,, 

12. Name of your favorite playlist? Probably my Navy or Indigo playlist

13. Lanyard or key ring? Key ring 

14. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Anything green apple!!!

15. Favorite book you read as a school assignment? I actually genuinely enjoyed Romeo And Juliet tbh

16. Most comfortable position to sit in? I always curl up in a ball on the couch, but in a chair I manspread ngl

17. Most frequently worn pair of shoes? Nike slides <//3

18. Ideal weather? Between 50-70 degrees, sunny but not warm, being able to wear a hoodie and not be hot or cold

19. Sleeping position? I usually either sleep on my left side or on my stomach (my back once in a while when it’s hurting bc I’m a hag)

20. Preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? I write on my phone more than anything

21. Obsession from childhood? Hm- I was really obsessed with High School Musical as a kid. My friend and I would put it on and lip sync to the songs and pretend we were the characters

22. Role model? Is it- wrong to say myself? Bc I feel like that sounds arrogant but genuinely it’s bc I’m constantly trying to better myself mentally and learn and grow. Idk I just am proud of who I am and look to myself when I need to find motivation

23. Strange habits? Strange? Idk if it’s strange but I’m constantly twiddling with the hem of my sleeves bc I love the feeling of it

24. Favorite crystal? Citrine 

25. First song you remember hearing? WH- bitch idk tf

26. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Stay tf inside in the air conditioning

27. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Stay tf inside in the heat

28. Five songs to describe you? To describe me?? Girl idk I'm all over the place. How about songs that resonate with me instead,,, Alive by Khalid, Paranoid by Lauv, Phobia by Dvwn, Fake Smile by Ariana Grande, and Breathin by Ariana Grande

29. Best way to bond with you? Truly I'm not very difficult to get along with, just don't be an asshole. Talk to me about psychology, current events, say Soobin is the cutest to exist idk it's not that hard

30. Places that you find sacred? I- hm. I'm not like a church person or anything so idk. Maybe just anything really old or places with very detailed and unique architecture

31. What outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? I don't own many clothes,,, let alone nice clothes. I also don't really dress to impress I'd much rather be comfortable

32. Top five favorite vines? Oh god if I h a d to pick???? The lipstick in the Valentino bag, they were roommates, it's an avocado- thaaanks, jared 19, and uh,,, zach stooppp you're gonna get in trouble

33. Most used phrase in your phone? Tbh it's probably "girl what-" or "no bc"

34. Advertisements you have stuck in your head? That 877-CASH-NOW ONE JFC

35. Average time you fall asleep? Between 11pm-1am

36. What is the first meme you remember ever seeing? Probably the troll face one or smth

37. Suitcase or duffel bag? Suitcase

38. Lemonade or tea? I mix them together!

39. Lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Lemon meringue pie bc I don't really like cake

40. Weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? Y'all I- went to a hs/college mixed school,, I've seen it all. Weirdest?? Idk but one weird thing I remember was when we were making whistles in art and some dude made a penis whistle 😭

41. Last person you texted? My best friend :))

42. Jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket pockets

43. Hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? Hoodie 100%

44. Favorite scent for soap? I love soaps that smell like soap. Like ok duh I know that sounds dumb but yk what I mean? I don't want lemon or mint or whatever, I like the plain soap smell

45. Which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? Fantasy

46. Most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Oversized t-shirt, no pants. I question anyone that is comfortable sleeping with pants on-

47. Favorite type of cheese? Feta!

48. If you were a fruit, what kind would you be? I feel like I'd be a pineapple and I have no clue why

49. What saying or quote do you live by? Not necessarily a quote but more of a thought: live for yourself, enjoy each day, do what gives you joy

50. What made you laugh the hardest you ever have? I have had so many instances in which I have laughed so hard I peed and to even attempt to name one is impossible

51. Current stresses? Making sure my family gets their vaccines and stays safe

52. Favorite font? I don't think I have one? Anything except comic sans

53. What is the current state of your hands? What does this even mean 💀 I mean,, they're holding my phone, cold, and my nails are unpolished

54. What did you learn from your first job? That people are assholes but I'm capable of not giving a fuck bc life is not that damn serious

55. Favorite fairy tale? Is The Three Little Pigs considered a fairy tale?

56. Favorite tradition? Putting up the Christmas tree with my mom :( it's always a lot of fun

57. The three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? Depression, grief, and hopefully one day- smth I'm currently dealing with

58. Four talents you’re proud of having? Makeup!! But also: singing, crying on command, and tying cherry stems with my tongue

59. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Sick of these bitches

60. If you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? I don't watch anime so idk

61. Favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? It's this line from Eleanor & Park: "Eleanor was right: She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something."

62. Seven characters you relate to? Holy hell, 7?? Probably won't get that many but hm,,, Darlene from Roseanne, Hermione from Harry Potter, Emily from Pretty Little Liars maybe?? Idk I suddenly blanked

63. Five songs that would play in your club? As if it's Your Last by BP, anything from SHINee, anything from Ariana, also anything Rihanna, just a bunch of women tbh

64. Favorite website from your childhood? FUCKING WEBKINZ BRO

65. Any permanent scars? I have a few on my arms idk where they came from tbh, I also have one on my hand from my sister 🧍🏻‍♀

66. Favorite flower(s)? Sunflowers!!! I also really love lilacs 💔

67. Good luck charms? My dog's collar that I wear as a bracelet

68. Worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? Licorice-

69. A fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? It takes repeating a piece of information 12 times at random to memorize it completely

70. Left or right handed? Right

71. Least favorite pattern? Fucking chevron- and realistic camo, and anything with the American flag

72. Worst subject? Yall im awful at history. American history, world history, all of it-

73. Favorite weird flavor combo? Either pickles and peanut butter or cheese and grapes

74. At what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? I'm stubborn but also always in pain so I've become numb to a lot of body pains. I have to be at like a 7-8 before I take smth otherwise I'd always be taking it

75. When did you lose your first tooth? I was probably like 5 I was definitely in Kindergarten

76. What’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? I fw baked potatoes

77. Best plant to grow on a windowsill? I have a love for succulents

78. Coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Oh my- I don't drink coffee but coffee from a gas station

79. Which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? Driver's license for sure

80. Earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel tones

81. Fireflies or lightning bugs? I say both,, but I think I say lightning bugs more

82. PC or console? PC

83. Writing or drawing? Both

84. Podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts definitely

84. Barbie or polly pocket? Barbie

85. Fairy tales or mythology? Fairy tales

86. Cookies or cupcakes? C o o k i e s

87. Your greatest fear? Losing people I love

88. Your greatest wish? To live comfortably and be a great mother

89. Who would you put before everyone else? My family

90. Luckiest mistake? Guessing on 90% of a test and getting an A 💀

91. Boxes or bags? Bags are easier to carry-

92. Lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Fairy lights!!

93. Nicknames? Sam, Sammi, my sister calls me Sams, my best friend calls me Bub, and my gf calls me Baby if that counts- 👀

94. Favorite season? Fall omg it's gorgeous and has perfect temperatures

95. Favorite app on your phone? ✨tumblr✨

96. Desktop background? Its literally a pic of Soobin, Taehyun, and Beomgyu

97. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Like 4-5

98. Favorite historical era? The one where white people learn their fucking place and stop being racist, homophobic, classist, sexist, all the -ists and -phobics,,,, so none. Fuck history :))

[purgatoryandme]

Hey! I can't seem to find the post you made with all the books references in Illuminate Me and the reason behind it? Is it deleted?

I know that there is an incomplete one floating around in my reply tag, and it should be in the Illuminate Me tag, but tumblr’s search features are so bad that I went back to the original word doc of the complete list, so prepare for that particular storm lol.  Quoted/Referenced Reading List (In Order of Appearance) Shakespeare: Macbeth I opened on a Macbeth quote (‘When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lighting, or in rain’) because I wanted to start with something immediately relatable. Most readers were introduced to more ‘dramatic’ plays through Macbeth. Beyond that, they were introduced to the concept of pathetic fallacy, which I think plays nicely with Tony as a character (a man who is CONSTANTLY imparting emotion onto inanimate objects…and then actually giving them their own emotions) and with one of the core problems in IM, which is deciding the emotions of others for them. I was hoping to get the ‘feel’ of that without having to lean too far into the actual concept. 

Bonus: I picked this quote in particular because of the importance of threes in Tony’s life (his core group of friends, iterations of the reactor, number of times reborn, his bot children VS his AI children, the number of lovers or almost lovers he has in the fic, etc). Milton: Paradise Lost ‘What is dark within me, illuminate!’ is a modernization of the original Milton quote ‘what is dark within me, illumine’ for readability. I actually feel a bit bad about changing this considering how many people think this is the original quote now. This wound up being a central (and title) quote somewhat by accident. I’m fond of it because of how much I liked a different one that I had originally wanted for Tony’s thoughts of the reactor: ‘yet from those flames, no light, but rather darkness visible’. I had originally wanted to start off on a sadder note, one that showed how much Tony hated losing his humanity, and so the flames of Hell and their physics-bending concept seemed thematically appropriate. I had always intended to eventually invert the imagery – instead of Extremis being (to Tony) flames capable of extinguishing light, the reactor would become a water-like blue light that couldn’t be choked or recreated by any of the shadows that pursued Tony in his life. I picked Milton SPECIFICALLY for the imagery of light and shadows. 

But, man, listen. Darkness visible is a great concept, but it’s also tired. It has, as you’ve noted, been discussed to death. So as I was reading ‘Milton’s darkness visible and Aeneid 7’ to refamiliarize myself with some of the broader themes attached to that particular piece of imagery, I wound up thinking about how to invert the darkness itself instead of the overall concept. The flames of Hell extinguish light instead of having to exist away from it. It is a bad that cannot be penetrated by good. 

Instead of chasing away shadows, which would be implied by shining a light ON them, the request Tony makes here is to actually invert the darkness - to have it illuminate in and of itself. It’s becoming something better instead of being removed or forgotten. On the flip side of that, the darkness within isn’t growing as light weakens, but rather under its own force. Two forces equal in nature and origin in a person. It’s a different take on lighting than the one most critics hammer home. Long ramble is long, but this was the basis for using that quote. It grew from there to have many different meanings, however the core has always remained. All in all I’m pleased with it.

EM Forster: A Room with a View Very forgiving even in its satirical takes on human nature. A lot of passages are very therapy-quotable in their urging to accept the inevitability of causing some harm in life. It plays on a lot of the same concepts with light being obvious metaphor for good and evil that Paradise Lost does, but softens them into more realistic shades of human existence. Isaac Asimov: Foundation Continuing on with themes of rigid morality vs the flexibility and romanticism of humanity, we have Asimov, master of machines and the three rules of robotics! There are lots of quotable epigrams in this beast. The quote pulled from this has two readings depending on what you assume of the man who has said it. If you see him as manipulative, there’s an insidious underpinning of killing off your own morals. If you see him as a kind man, then you could read it as foregoing morals in place of empathy. Tony’s therapist loves a very specific brand of double speak that lets Tony work through the conversation purely through interpretation. Tolstoy: Anna Karenina Tolstoy’s prose is lengthy...so so lengthy, but Anna Karenina is worth the read as long as you relate to at least one of its major characters. Frankly, I think you can choose to read a single character’s plot arc and leave it at that. It’s mostly a novel that is interesting, not because of its plot, but because of its study of relationship dynamics. Tolstoy was really invested in picking apart the idea of what makes a ‘family’ and, beyond that, what makes a class. It’s refreshing to see so much of the critique occurring within the lived experience of the characters instead of through a narrator or outside punishing moral forces. Baudelaire: Windows and Benediction I cannot recommend enough reading multiple translations of Baudelaire poems (fleursdumal.org has a wonderful array available). Benediction is a personal favourite. I love me some malevolence wrapped up in religion. Dante: The Divine Comedy There’s a lot of bleak humor in Dante if you look for it. Several interpretations insist of making each piece excessively grim dark, but faithful translations tend to have a hint of humor in them. It works well for engraving War Machine’s spine - a benediction and a mockery of human limitations. I try to pick quotes that not only fit the scene, but would still fit into the context of the grander themes from whence they came...unless I hate the author. Tennyson: The Lady of Shallot “I am sick of shadows” vs “I am half-sick of shadows”. Tony’s expressing more frustration here with being alone and his passive involvement in that loneliness. Another quote I feel vaguely bad about changing, haha. The Lady of Shallot is a very nice classical piece that I’m sad isn’t taught in schools alongside Hamlet. There are some nice Ophelia parallels here. I wanted a feminine influence on Tony’s loneliness and one that is somewhat youthful despite his age. Yeats: Vacillation I fucking hate Yeats as a person. That said, the man can write. The man can REALLY write. His pieces are almost always layered to the point of absurdity and he’s perfect to swiping quotes with multiple meanings. Definitely Tony’s kind of author. Goethe: Faust Speaks for itself and in the author’s notes on its reference.  Dostoyevsky: The Brothers Karamasov IMO a book that deserves all the acclaim of Anna Karenina and then some. Very VERY Russian in its ethical debates of, as always, religious morality vs free will. Also dips into familial struggles and patricide, because it wouldn’t be a Russian classic if it didn’t contain some deeply buried bitter resentment towards paternalism. I’m going off-script here, but this is a fucking excellent book. I don’t really have words for how much I enjoy how Dostoyevsky explores the concepts that he does. Shakespeare: Julius Ceasar Shakespeare: Twelfth Night Twelfth Night deserves more credit for its development and maintenance of an enigma. Twelfth Night has charisma in spades both because of and in spite of the exceedingly petty actions of some of its characters. It is also a refreshingly simple take on love for the sake of it. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland Stephen King: Lisey’s Story I consider Lisey’s Story to be the best of King’s work. The man has his obvious writing ticks and his even more obvious issues as an author. Lisey’s Story contains many of them, but navigates them far better than any of his other work. The monster here is all in the mind and is too vast to truly see or understand. It’s perfectly representative of a creeping sense of inescapable horror. It was fun to flip it on its head with a reference here – Tony isn’t terrified of dying, but he is terrified of his inescapable enjoyment of Bucky’s company. Maria’s family saying is inspired by Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass Armitage: The Death of King Arthur A genuinely fantastic classic tale of heroism, filled with all the drama, tragedy, and sacrifice that you’d expect with strongly feminine undertones. I’m a sucker for this kind of thing. TS Eliot: The Wasteland Excellent piece of poetry with many layered meanings and dual interpretations. I can’t really articulate my thoughts on The Wasteland, but I reference an essay at the end of this list that does that for me. Oedipus Rex Rupert Brooke: Safety Not directly quoted but obscurely referenced through Bucky and Tony’s war conversations + Bucky’s conversation about, you got it, being ‘safe’ with his therapist. His poetry is about WWI and is, largely, idealistic. Safety is…not quite an exception to that. His other poetry contains a certain sense of honour and duty, whereas safety, maintaining a seemingly light tone, has nothing of the sort. It is safety in the soul – something untouchable by the horrors of war or death. It treats that as a ‘house’, which leant itself to the article Tony send Bucky. Armine Wodehouse: Before Ginchy Not directly quoted but obscurely referenced through Bucky and Tony’s war conversations + Bucky’s conversations with his therapist. This is also WWI poetry, though far darker than Brooke’s work. It discusses the parts of the heart and soul soldiers lose. It is an extremely good piece AND references Dante’s Inferno. I had to work it in somewhere even if I didn’t want to directly quote it. Meyer and Brysac: Tournament of Shadows Referenced several times over in discussion of war, the great game, and British military history. Beautifully self-aware account of Britain’s insistence on rewriting history after the fact and the tiny hilariously embarrassing moving pieces that shaped what is often considered the heyday of espionage. Murakami: Kafka on the Shore I love Murakami’s response to questions about understanding the novel as a whole. There are no solutions, only riddles presented, and through their interaction the possibility of a solution takes place. It’s a great lens through which to view the book and individual passages taken out of it. Reminds me of The Wasteland having to be read in totality before you can begin picking it apart, after which each individual piece can be read of its own. Kafka on the Shore, with its musings on the uncertainty of fate and redemption, was the perfect book to outline Tony’s horrifying realization, which he is desperately suppressing, that he might be coming to accept Bucky’s feelings. This quote in particular, while I would’ve used it anyway, is also a great callback to the first chapter and its storms. Chapter 29 is a turning point. Beyond it there are some intentional quote contrasts that are probably more easter eggs than they are anything else. Yeats: A Dialogue of Self and Soul Great contrast with Vacillation. Some parts of self and soul are used in that poem and thematically they are connected and contrasted - self and heart vs self and soul. The symbolism and imagery in Vacillation is really on point and layered, but Self and Soul is peak Yeats for its reversal of the typical ‘the soul is pure and bluntly honest and the body is tainted and bad’ in Christian works. Also Self and Soul’s broader context is scrumptious considering the debate poems history of relying on divine forgiveness and lack thereof instead of on forgiveness of the self. 

It was fun to give this poem a double meaning in IM as both hugely ominous and ultimately pointing to the later forgiveness Tony receives from himself through the divine (if the soul stone can be called that) in the heavens (space!). There’s also another fun twist to ‘who can distinguish darkness from the soul’ in its contrast with ‘what is dark within me, illuminate’. To take that a step further, Vacillation was the beginning of the path of forgiveness for Bucky (understanding Tony’s heart…somewhat literally as he slowly gets closer and closer to the reactor itself), while Self and Soul is a final step (re: Bucky being presented the final hurdle of Tony deciding to move forward alone). Hermann Hesse: Siddhartha Hesse is wonderfully blunt at times. I gotta admit I love German takes on spiritual self-discovery because they always seem to tend towards much more straightforward answers than other countries. Hesse’s relationship with Buddhism in literature vs his lived experience is also really intriguing. Anyway, Siddhartha, in its humanizing of Gods, is wonderful contrast to the consistent imagery of the untouchable and unknowable forces of good and evil in previously quoted works. It has stopped bringing humanity to the divine and has started placing the divine within humanity. Emily Wilson’s translation of the Odyssey One of the ultimate poetic epics. Now that we are nearing the end, I’m going overtime with making the grander themes of this whole piece hit home. A lot of IM was built on a foundation of poetic epics, of heroism, and a bit of Greek tragedy. The Odyssey embodies all of those things beautifully. It also suited Thor too well to pass up. Yeats: An Irish Airman Forsees His Death Ah, Yeats. Very blatant foreshadowing here that is keeping with the foreshadowing from Self and Soul. Fate has, up till this point, been a bit of a question. It has been ‘when will it come to me’ and ‘how will I avoid or overcome it’. Now fate is a set point. It is knowable and present. ‘I know I shall meet my fate, somewhere among the clouds above’. This goes for the true onset of Infinity War and for Tony’s feelings towards Bucky – when he had no one, he allowed Bucky in after essentially promising himself he wouldn’t. If that’s not an accidental admittance of love, nothing is. Henley: Invictus Absolutely fantastic poem. Continuing with the heavy fate themes coming into this climax. Now that Tony knows his fate, truly knows it, he is choosing to take it on directly. Agamemnon (Anne Carson’s Traslation if you prefer a more modern language approach, Lattimore is you prefer a classic) Agamemnon is forgotten all too often in the world of poetic epics and it’s a damn shame. I cannot say enough good things about it. I always wanted to use lines from Agamemnon in a Tony fic because the Cassandra parallels were too perfect to resist. The chorus in this play was also a perfect narrative device for interacting with something of a hive mind. Yeats: The Wanderings of Oisin Another poetic epic. Nice contrast with The Odyssey, The Death of King Arthur, and Agamemnon. Here the dialogue is between an aged hero and a saint looking into the hero’s past. It has the kind of reflective and aged mood necessary for this stage of the story, but is actually a poem I sortof hate. The line ‘And a softness came from the starlight, and filled me full to the bone’ is absolutely gorgeous, though. Some final inspiration pieces:

The Penelopiad 

The Iliad 

House of Leaves (for surrealism in the final chapters) 

Dante at Verona (used in an author’s note as an intentional jab at the dull uninspired nature of the this particular take on Dante. Repurposed quote, essentially) 

a broke machine just blowin’ steam by themikeymonster (great character study of Bucky) 

Frank Kermode’s essay “Eliot and the Shudder” (inspiration behind Tony’s entire interaction with literature)

[lukneetoonz]

There’s a lot of stuff going out in the world and I just hope you all are staying safe out there. while it may seem Im staying silent about the matter, I am not and have been very outspoken on my other social media’s, and because of my mental health I save tumblr for just writing and I am currently working a couple things to post because I understand how it can be. George Floyd deserved better, and still does. I stand with you. But please respect that some people that may seem like they are ignoring it, arent. Tumblr isn’t the only social media, and like I said i am very active on my other social media’s. Also please respect people if they say they can’t talk about it because people do have mental and physical health issues that can be put on a thin piece of glass because events can trigger stress and other things. I know someone close to me who has heart problems and has had to delete all social media due to them getting so angry at what happened to George, they start not being able to breathe. As for me, I suffer from really bad depression, panic attacks, and anxiety, and that doesn’t include my physical health. So seeing what goes on so close to me- I start to panic because I think of my friends, my family. I have been constantly texting my one friend making sure she’s okay. I’ve been trying to speak out on my social media’s that I know is only filled with world issues, but when I start to get overwhelmed, I have to set my phone aside because it gets too much. I guess my point for this is, I’ve seen a lot of- bad things being said to writing blogs on here if they don’t speak out, and even if they do speak out they get ridiculed. At this time we need to stand together, not fight eachother. In a time like this I really do think about everyone who is fighting for what’s right, and I wish I could be there standing with you, but I physically cannot or I’ll get horribly sick. I also am reminded of people who deal with mental health and have had to go through quarantine, straight to this. I know everyone went through that, but when you have bad mental health it’s very very damaging. So if you’re reading this and have mental health issues, I’m here for you. If you support BLM, Im here for you. If you get worried about someone you love because they’re protesting, Im here for you. We were made to love, no hate. With all that, it doesn’t mean I won’t hesitate to punch someone if I see them being racist, homophobic, bashing someone’s religion, sexist, etc. So again, just because someone is silent on tumblr, doesn’t mean they’re silent everywhere else. Love you all

~Ely

[fireflyeggs]

There really is something to be said about the aggressive self-righteous hive mind that has entered in to social media

I generally agree with rational people (masks are important, vaccines necessary, BLM, etc) but the level of toxicity associated with Twitter and Tumblr is ridiculous

There are some things that are non negotiable obviously. Racism, homophobia, transphobia, p*dophiles, a number of other things

But like

I have received hate for takes that aren’t even controversial (I guess they are idk why people think petty shit is that important). Like. Saying “you shouldn’t threaten death on people you disagree with unless they are actually a nazi” or like something equally bad

I have seen a loooooooooot of people saying they hope the anti-maskers die. Yeah they’re dumb af but if you really wish death upon any people (excluding dictators and stuff) you REALLY need to examine yourself.

I’m probably going to delete all my social media because I’m sick of logging in to every website seeing an onslaught of hate for people. The conservatives hate the liberals, everyone hates anti maskers, the anti maskers hate other people, it’s just a hot ass mess. You can disagree without telling some Karen on Facebook that you hope her whole family gets corona and dies.

I tried to like discuss that there is currently a major discrepancy between restaurants needing people to function while people also shouldn’t technically come in but there’s no way for the workers to be paid if they don’t (I work food service and am not eligible for any assistance) and there’s literally no good solution. I guess a happy medium would be getting take out but even that’s gonna make people send me hate so like whatever go off ig. People keep saying “you shouldn’t have to work”. Cool! I agree but I need money so whatever

The funny thing is I generally agree with the “popular” opinion it’s just I guess I’ll not aggressive enough about it???? Fuck if I know lmao

If you actually read through all that bs and want to remain in contact if/when I delete here, let me know. I’ll probably keep snap and maybe insta because the bullying on those has not been bad in my experience. Please bully people that are literal p*dos and abusers online (I’m side eyeing youtubers rn) and not my little fragile ass trying to not fucking kill my self by getting coffee once a week because my brain is garbage and that’s my only solace outside of drugs or severe harm

whatever fucking go off I don’t care anymore

I think my friends hate me because there’s no way to say “my brain is garbage I can’t deal with this even tho I agree with them” without sounding like a little bitch

I shall LIKELY receive hate for this and like honestly if you feel the need idfc like I have been told so much shit I just wish I had actually died one of the million times I tried because obviously no one understands and like even if people care about me they think I’m being dumb

I was told dumb is an ableist slur but I haven’t found a word to replace it with that isn’t also problematic in some sense

Also I’m not like in any immense danger rn I’m just frustrated and hopeless so that’s cool

Also if it matters I wear a mask everywhere I can. I am constantly educating and learning about black history and actively seeking ways to do better. Like. Im doing the shit we should all be doing. Why am I being attacked lmfao

really I should technically die because I’ve discovered I have become more selfish just to survive but I’m not going to actively do anything

[liquidstar]

KIND OF sick of seeing so many posts on my dash thatre like THE WORLD WANTS YOU DEAD YOURE NEVER GONNA BE HAPPY YOUR FAMILY HATES YOU AND YOUR EXISTENCE IS SEEN AS A SIN but we support you have a happy pride month :)

these are important issues to discuss, and i talk about them on my blog too! but shoving them in people’s face with no warning when thats not what your blogs main content is can be harmful! so please tag it when you DO talk about it!

if you care about the people affected by stuff like this then try to make an effort to not constantly remind them of their oppression and trauma with no warning! that kinda stuff is very triggering and when you CONSTANTLY have it thrown in your face it really fucks up your mental state! people shouldnt be forced to be constantly exposed to this stuff every minute of every day  

i did a little test where i try to see five (only 5!) posts in a row that werent like that and it took me ages of scrolling, none of it was tagged. and its not like i follow blogs that post that type of stuff normally. i use tumblr because i want to get AWAY from reality. i want ONE little bubble where i can exist and be happy and be me without being reminded of the reality. i already LIVE the reality every moment of every day, i want just one space where i can take a break from it all and unwind a bit!!!

i realize this post is very venty, but i am making it for a reason... i wanna let my mutuals know that if i randomly unfollow you its probably just because you werent the best at tagging stuff and its not personal at all and im not mad at you. i forget to tag stuff sometimes too, its not a flaw that reflects deeply on you! its just that if its a thing that happens often i have to look after my own mental health and not expose myself to that content anymore when its dragging me down so much. i hope yall can understand, and i really hope i DONT have to end up unfollowing many mutuals because i dont want to! so really know that i am sorry if it happens 

[yjkyungwan-blog]

𝐒𝐔𝐏 , 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐒 𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐒  !   i’m  very  excited  to  finally  be  here  !  the  name’s  ysa  (  she / her  ,  pst  )  and  i’m  coming  to  you  live  ,  acai  bowl  in  hand  ,  to  introduce  you  to  the  biggest  pain  in  my  ass  ,  CHOI  KYUNGWAN  .  okay  ...  maybe  not  the  biggest  ,  but  he’s  up  there  .  he’s  been  at  the  yujaen  sharehouse  for  about  a  month  now  and  currently  works  as  an  employee  at  the  LAVISH  DRAGON  SPA  as  well  as  a  part  time  DELIVERY  BOY  for  kentucky  fried  chicken  .  his  detailed  profile  and  connections  page  will  be  linked  below  and  if  you’d  like  to  plot  with  him  ,  please  GIVE  THIS  POST  A  LIKE  and  i’ll  be  sure  to  make  your  hotline  bling  via  the  tumblr  ims  .  or  if  you’d  much  rather  prefer  to  figure  things  out  on  d*scord  ,  feel  free  to  add  me  @  stream  me  by  clc#5398  .  * mark  lee  vc *  let’s  get  it  !!

               profile  .  connections  .  //  trigger  warning  for  death  mention  .

NAME:  choi  kyungwan  .

FACE  CLAIM:  jung  jaewon  .

PREFERRED  PRONOUNS:  he / him  .

AGE:  twenty  two  .

DATE  OF  BIRTH:  october  30  ,  1996  .

ZODIAC:  scorpio  sun  ,  gemini  moon  ,  cancer  rising  .

PERSONALITY  TYPE:  istp  .

ROOM:  yugji  building  ,  room  1b  .

+  witty  ,  perceptive  ,  flexible  ,  leisurely  ,  charming  .  /  -  blunt  ,  dishonest  ,  reserved  ,  unorganized  ,  noncommital  .

AESTHETICS:  #being  paid  on  time  ,  #vegetarian-friendly  food  options  at  restaurants  ,  #tyrian  purple  ,  #winning  bets  ,  #smoking  cigarettes  ,  #getting  the  last  laugh  ,  #cats  ,  #pineapple  on  pizza  is  good  you  just  have  terrible  taste  ,  #denim  jackets  ,  #staying  up  late  ,  #cold  beers  ,  #spraying  febreze  ,  #buying  lottery  tickets  ,  #sarcasm  ,  #bragging  rights  ,  #sour  gummy  worms  ,  #the  rush  of  adrenaline  from  catching  your  bus  or  train  at  the  last  second  , #wellness  shots  ,  #the  nightmare  before  christmas  ,  #happy  delirium  ,  #when  the  ocean  refuses  to  stop  kissing  the  shoreline  ,  #finding  money  in  your  pocket  that  you  forgot  you  had  .

born  in  yongsa  ,  south  korea  .  only  child  .  grew  up  under  the  care  of  both  his  parents  and  lived  quite  comfortably  .  his  family  owns  lavish  dragon  spa  ,  which  is  considered  to  be  the  biggest  and  most  popular  bathhouse  in  town  .  his  father  is  the  primary  owner  and  keeps  an  eye  on  all  the  day-to-day  activities  ,  while  his  mother  runs  the  books  and  takes  care  of  everything  from  a  public  relations  standpoint  .  as  his  parents  worked  full  time  ,  a  lot  of  his  childhood  was  spent  in  daycare  facilities  or  with  his  late  paternal  grandfather  .

out  of  all  his  immediate  family  members  ,  kyungwan  considered  himself  to  be  the  closest  with  his  grandfather  .  his  most  favorite  memory  of  them  spending  time  together  was  when  he  was  three  years  old  ;  in  the  middle  of  summer  ,  he  distinctly  remembers  ,  walking  along  the  seashore  of  yongsa  beach  ,  holding  hands  and  laughing  as  he  eats  an  ice  cream  cone  and  accidentally  drops  it  into  the  sand  .

when  he  passed  away  ,  kyungwan  took  a  long  time  to  process  and  accept  it  .  the  concept  of  death  was  a  hard  pill  to  swallow  for  a  kid  his  age  ;  he  was  a  little  confused  and  a  lot  sad  ,  and  didn’t  exactly  know  how  to  deal  with  it  .  he  also  wasn’t  one  to  be  outwardly  emotionally  expressive  ,  still  isn’t  to  this  day  ,  so  instead  of  spilling  tears  or  talking  about  it  ,  he  withdrew  into  this  shell  for  a  good  chunk  of  his  first  year  of  middle  school  .

things  took  an  upturn  when  he  got  involved  with  tennis  .  his  mother  ,  worried  sick  about  his  well-being  ,  forced  him  into  the  idea  in  the  midst  of  his  “  i  don’t  want  to  do  this  ,  you  can’t  make  me  ”  tantrums  because  she  believed  he  needed  to  do  something  ,  anything  to  get  him  out  of  the  rut  he  was  in  ,  and  she  was  not  going  to  stand  by  and  watch  her  son  sit  tight-lipped  and  grieving  .  turns  out  ,  he  had  a  knack  for  the  sport  ;  he  didn’t  want  to  admit  it  at  first  but  he  liked  it  ,  and  he  liked  that  he  could  channel  all  of  his  negative  energy  out  on  the  court  .  it  was  a  way  for  him  to  express  himself  without  actually  having  to  express  himself  ...  verbally  .

unfortunately  his  interest  in  tennis  lessened  over  time  ,  just  as  his  interests  in  other  things  grew  over  time  ,  and  he  doesn’t  play  much  anymore  .  he  still  considers  it  a  hobby  ,  though  .

as  briefly  mentioned  above  ,  kyungwan  works  as  an  attendant  at  lavish  dragon  spa  .  it’s  a  job  some  may  consider  a  “  hand  out,  ”  due  to  the  fact  that  his  parents  are  the  ones  in  charge  ,  but  don’t  let  him  catch  you  saying  that  .  he  doesn’t  mind  it  ,  working  there  ;  it’s  basically  a  second  home  to  him  .  his  father  keeps  on  insisting  to  groom  him  for  management  but  he’s  not  entirely  sure  he  wants  to  commit  to  that  yet  .  it’s  nice  to  think  about  ,  a  good  backup  plan  ,  but  he’s  not  100  %  sold  .  he  doesn’t  want  to  be  tied  down  .  wants  to  explore  all  his  options  .

aside  from  his  job  at  the  bathhouse  ,  he  also  makes  money  through  a  part  time  job  doing  deliveries  for  kentucky  fried  chicken  .  which  is  so  ironic  ,  given  that  he  doesn’t  even  eat  meat  ,  but  who  is  choi  kyungwan  if  not  a  walking  paradox  ?  he  responded  to  a  wanted  ad  one  day  ,  went  in  ,  got  the  job  ,  and  it  sticks  .  he’s  not  complaining  .  most  nights  he’ll  come  home  smelling  like  grease  and  fried  chicken  .  and  depending  on  who  you  ask  ,  that  could  not  be  a  bad  thing  .

to  be  specific:  kyungwan  is  pescetarian-vegetarian  ,  which  means  he  follows  a  strict  plant-based  diet  with  an  incorporation  of  seafood  .  he  doesn’t  eat  meat  for  any  extreme  reason  ,  he  just  doesn’t  like  it  .  feels  nauseous  and  sluggish  after  eating  it  .  he’s  not  going  to  go  out  of  his  way  to  hound  people  who  do  eat  meat  ,  and  he  doesn’t  get  bothered  if  you  eat  some  infront  of  him  .  he  merely  won’t  have  a  bite  .  period  .

kind  of  charming  ,  kind  of  an  asshole  .  knows  how  to  use  words  to  get  by  and  truly  believes  karma  doesn’t  apply  to  him  .  sugarcoating  isn’t  in  his  vocabulary  ;  he’ll  tell  you  how  it  is  ,  plain  and  simple  .  sometimes  he  can  come  off  insensitive  in  this  regard  ,  but  he  doesn’t  mean  to  hurt  people  intentionally  .  nine  times  out  of  ten  ,  the  things  he  says  or  does  are  for  his  own  benefit  and  the  people  around  him  are  an  afterthought  .  but  that  doesn’t  mean  he  doesn’t  care  about  his  friends  and  loved  ones  .  he  does  .  he  just  understands  that  at  the  end  of  the  day  ,  the  only  person  that’s  going  to  take  care  of  him  is  himself  ,  and  he  wants  to  protect  his  heart  above  all  else  .  he’s  been  careless  before  ,  too  trusting  ,  and  has  had  ex  friends  and  ex  relationships  walk  all  over  him  .

has  an  affinity  for  smoking  .  it’s  a  habit  he  picked  up  from  those  he’s  been  hanging  around  with  these  days  .  he  won’t  smoke  in  the  sharehouse  ,  he  knows  better  not  to  ,  but  he’ll  light  a  cigarette  outside  .  there  are  times  where  he  has  tried  to  quit  but  it  hasn’t  broken  ground  yet  .  the  longest  he’s  gone  without  smoking  was  two  months  ...  let’s  see  if  he  can  beat  that  .

tends  to  get  into  fights  .  mighty  prideful  .  his  parents  ,  or  more  so  his  father  ,  hates  the  kind  of  person  kyungwan  is  becoming  and  they  never  see  eye  to  eye  on  his  choices  .  his  mother  ,  on  the  other  hand  ,  always  gives  him  the  benefit  of  the  doubt  and  stays  perpetually  worried  about  him  .  she’s  been  like  that  ever  since  he  was  young  and  he  knows  she’ll  never  change  .

he  moved  out  of  his  parents’  house  because  he  couldn’t  stand  the  suffocation  he  felt  from  living  under  their  roof  .  they  constantly  argued  and  went  back  and  forth  ,  and  at  the  time  things  seemed  definite  and  final  .  he  then  moved  in  with  his  now  ex  girlfriend  and  lived  with  her  for  a  few  months  before  their  imminent  break  up  ,  prompting  him  to  find  a  new  place  to  stay  .  he  contemplated  going  back  to  his  parents  ;  was  actually  about  a  block  or  two  away  from  the  front  door  before  he  talked  himself  out  of  it  and  went  to  look  into  hostels  and  every  other  possible  affordable  accommodations  .

and  that’s  how  he  wound  up  at  the  yujaen  .  this  living  situation  is  more  tentative  than  anything  ,  though  it’s  already  been  a  month  and  he’s  still  there  .  he’s  not  the  worst  roommate  or  housemate  in  the  world  but  there  are  definitely  some  things  he  needs  to  work  on  .

[megidolaon]

irt 2 my lrb, i've talked abt this before but i really truly adore everything abt roboppis redesign n i love the fact he's trans and it's so upsetting to me that i probably won't be able to ever go back and finish the series n that roboppi being designed as a child is a huge part of that ;; ive let a lot of things slide as a ygo fan but i literally worked myself up to the point of tears just typing the tags on that post fhxjs it's so upsetting to me that cis ppl r acting like it's bad for roboppi 2 be trans . im not going to go into the specifics of my abuse on an unlocked tumblr post abt a ygo character but it really makes me feel sick to see ppl imply that somehow it's worse to be trans than to be a csa victim. like idk maybe it's just the circles or my blacklist catching things for me but the fact ive seen yall be gross and transphobic abt roboppi but never bring up how awful the writing has treated him and how upsetting it is that they introduced him solely to be the butt of jokes w sexual connotations and to make jokes abt how he has no ability to think for himself is. ive loved roboppi since he was introduced the trans reveal was such a delight to find out about esp bcs it makes it clear roboppi has grown and taken control of his own life and has considerable agency now like???? that's so important yall clearly REMEMBER the beginning of vrains bcs u keep talking about how roboppi originally looked and acted - i have 2 wonder if u only read this robot as female bcs of the fact he was subservient and couldn't think for himself lol... but its the trans ppl who r misogynistic

sorry i got sidetracked. my original point is that these people clearly remember the beginning of vrains bcs they won't stop talking about how ropobbi used to look or whatever. so like.. why aren't u furious with vrains for deciding to make these kinds of jokes w a character they later decided was a child. why is ur issue instead that he's trans.

i mean i know why. i know exactly why. but it hurts to admit it's because im a bad person for being trans while my abusers are good, nice cis girls who couldn't have 3ver done anything wrong

p/s i know they r actively trying to rewrite roboppi and ais relationship to be a teacher/mentor or sibling relationship at this point in vrains but that actually makes the whole show even more unwatchable to me so please don't try to convince me otherwise.

tldr im trans and thrilled that roboppi is trans but wish vrains hadn't designed them as a literal child n hate that cis ppl have to constantly expose me to their opinion that being trans is worse than being a csa victim

[bluinary]

Not to vent, but I'm so tired. I joined tumblr when I was 13 because I thought it'd be a really cool place to be in my interests, and some posts were super funny, and it educated me about social issues no one else talks about. It's how I came to terms with liking girls, and it made me proud to be black, and it helped me understand so much about my mental health.

But since being here, I've lived through countless instances where Tumblr overglorifies a show/person/franchise/etc, and then, like, a year later, puts together some (kinda far reaching) facts, and jumps to the conclusion that that thing/person is evil and can't be enjoyed or else you're a bad person. From more gritty stuff like snk to kids shows like Steven Universe to just normal ass people like John Mulaney, it feels like people are constantly trying to find a reason to demonize whatever is trending, and I'm sick of it.

Now, I totally believe certain things are evil. Pedophilia, r*pe, Nazism, xenophobia (and yeah, I'm looking at the japanese/korean brand of xenophobia too), racism, biphobia-- the list is endless. And as a rhetoric major, I do believe that the media we consume is crucial to the ideas we develop and pass around. But the fact is, nothing is black and white. And moreover, educating the masses on facts-- not conclusions-- should be the goal when it comes to shady stuff (like snk's allusions to WW II themes. Im glad I know about them. Not so happy to be villainized into an apologist for liking the show.). Trying to enforce your personal opinion through fear-mongering and threat of harassment is wrong. It's wrong! That's not a critical mindset, that's cult mentality.

So please. Enjoy what you enjoy, and use your brains. If it's promoting themes of something harmful, don't watch it. Try to keep it from getting popularized by presenting FACTS before jumping to clickbaity conclusions and spreading those 'like wildfire'. And for the love of god, dont take some tumblr user's word as a cold, irrefutable fact!! I dont give a shit if they're funny while saying it, or if they say 'and THAT'S the tea!' while ending the post, think about what theyre telling you, and fact-check and think for yourself before you spread the word.

Moreover, this life is short, guys. Battling injustice is fighting the good fight, but so is enjoying yourself, and lifting up others. You can't truly control what others watch or enjoy, no matter how fucked up it may be. So just....lead a decent fucking life, and think for yourself, and hope your influence might put some misguided folks back on track. In my experience, that's so much more effective than spreading hate.

[uygmoeb]

omg no worries for answering this late and you want to know why? BECUASE I CAN SAY I AM YOUR MOA SECRET SANTA :D so perfect timing if i do say so myself hehe (and yes i am replying back to your ask because tis be the right thing to do!)

sadly still am sick :c my throat hurts a bit more but nothing too bad! though i am feeling a tiny headache? as i am typing this so i am going to let my laptop charge because i went to post my gifts for you and the other people and then i am heading off! i hope YOU'RE not sick omg please don't be sick like me!

of course, of course *hugs you* whatever you choose to do, i am here to support ya! i am always happy to be of help as well (granted i mainly know photopea but i am here for help!) remember don't force yourself into creating, it should be fun! i can see why it may seem alot and it feels less fun when you think "oh i MUST make this on time" (something i feel at times when i make content a bit late, like i only just fully finished my frost mv set way after it's been released so i'm late to the game) but i realized no, i shouldn't worry about it being a race, i want to have fun making things ya know? so i simply post when i feel creative which i do sometimes feel lazy nd that is fine! oh yeah those that post like so constantly, you are all wizards and i have respect! but also teach me your ways lowkey xD

lolol tumblr is sometimes weird but at the same time, we all have a soft spot for it and will continue to stay. it's like that titanic meme, we are staying on till the end lbr

but ooh some of my fav songs from lights are heavy rope (my comfort song personally), muscle memory, toes, saviour, ice, banner, timing is everything, portal, lost girls and so many more. from leebada i love red rose, night dream, high, fox, diana, running back just to name a few! i hope to see your creations eepp i am sure they are amazing and i hope this sends!

OMG HI MY LOVE!! i saw ur gift and i love it so so much!! and looking thru ur other gifs/gfx im in love u make such pretty stuff <3 im v happy that u were my moa secret santa and i had a fun time talking to u over this month <333

oh no im not sick, just really tired and ready to rest now after finishing all my gifts, the only one i have left to post is for this event too ! but oof i hope ur head will start to feel better and that u can get better quickly :(

but thank u for the support and offer for help!! who knows, maybe one day i'll need it if i do decide to try it <3 oh yeah i have to step back if i start thinking about it that way now, even if it's just a little bit but a big part of it has been me realizing it should be fun for me and thats been so important so i dont lose my want to work on stuff but i still go thru months were i just dont have it in me which i lowkey hate :/ even tho yeah its okay i still would rather work on things i guess

HSLFJL and now with the tags thing thats happening?? please get ur stuff together tumblr lmao

oh ok ok i'll make sure to listen to those ones! i've started heavy rope and i like that one so far <3 and do u have a name i can call u love?