#please dont make me care for myself
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Uhh, ok. I'm seeing this everywhere and my friends voted yes to the poll, so I'm doing a notes post.
Please make this a fair fight for me and don't spam (A little spam is fine but please not a lot)
50 notes- I'll take better care of my hygiene
100 notes- I'll make a to-do lists for myself every day if I remember
150 notes- I'll drink my recommended water intake every day
200 notes- I'll consistently eat all meals and cut back on all the junk food for health’s sake
250 notes- I'll sort through all the random shit in my room
500 notes- I'll read for at least 5 minutes a day
750 notes- I'll finalize a BUNCH of my character design
1k notes- I'll lock in and finish one of my longer stories
1.5k notes- I'll take a small walk down to Walmart or Dollar Tree every day possible (I won't always be able to)
2k notes- I'll stack onto the last goal and play at least one round of Just Dance when I can
2.5k notes- I'll upload on YouTube consistently
5k notes- I'll post a bunch of photos of me in dresses, skirts, and other fun outfits (Blurred face)
Let the games begin. Don't touch this gimmick blogs, or I'll have to take care of myself and be productive /lh
#notes post#Kinda begging lmao#I'm so scared#technically self care#notes goal#notes goals#prolly will never hit the goals lol#uhh yeah#bye#please dont make me care for myself#be kind to me
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I tried so hard to selfship that it made me realize that I was aegosexual, and that's somethin man
#aegosexual#shit forced me out a more comedicallt smaller and thinner closet#im sure im aroace on some level i just dont care to define it#dont think ive ever loved...just a single crush in my almost 18 yrs of living#and that shit is rapidly fading and making me realize that im only attracted to their body#god im so shitty lmao#like sex and sexuality ic cool just dont involve me please#not even repulsed per say just imagining myself in any way like that just....#whats and opposite of an aphrodisiac#anaphrodisiac. googled ig#literally neutralizes#in a split second#maybe its bc im insecure or gender issues thag i cannot and maybe imwhen i staft hrt i might#but its almost funny how it is#sometimes i feel like a surface level fuckboy loser who will never love
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waiting
one day, he left. he was in luffys house and then he wasn't anymore. nor on his house. nor on his friends house. trafalgar law just left one day and didnt come back. no one knew why. luffy didnt know why. everything was fine, their relationship slowly taking shape, the feelings becoming deep. and yet, one day he just disappeared.
The disappearance had a huge impact on Luffy, who also disappeared days later, only to return injured, with no memory of what happened and with an aggressive dog by his side.
years later, law is back in town. although it was a surprise, it shouldn't be shocking. The thing is, it's been 149 years. and law is still alive.
so is luffy
#lawlu#lulaw#?#inspired by rpg lol#shit its not going well for me there im so sad-#i dont know what its this okay im just sad and needed to vent ig#they are long lived something#dont ask about the dog the dog its here thats all#someone please make it make sense i dont know what its thiiiiiiis#someone take me out of my misery plz#im sad can you notice it#i want my rpg law back waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah#ahem anyways#one piece#one piece lulaw#vampire au maybe#or just a#supernatural au#that how i spell it? dunno#dont care im SAD#one piece lawlu#should i off myself yes or yes#yes yeah youre right i should#i will not post this on twitter my friends will laugh at me for being so sad about rpg
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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at what point is an intro post necessary?
OH WELL HERE IT IS!
my name on here is skate, im a minor, im a girl, i use she/her pronouns and i have no idea what im doing!!
im in highschool so im a busy girl and i will complain about school
some fun facts about me are: i play 6 instruments and sing, i like reading, my favourite season is winter, i speak a fair amount of french and italian and i can crochet.
im also mentally ill so just prepare yourself for that!
most of my posts are about osemanverse but i love taylor swift and will not shut up about her. i am in a pitch perfect and dead poets society phase at the moment so expect some of that too and mostly i post whatever else pops into my head at the time.
my asks are open and i love answering literally anything and if you ask a question ill probably fall in love with you or smth
my tags are 'skate has words' for my writing 'skate answers' for answering asks and 'skate rants!' for rants obviouslyyyy
also my messages are open and, yes, i am extremely awkward, i would LOVE to be friends !! i need to add that i am very unwell sometimes for long periods of time and will sometimes just not respond to messages. i am sorry but ill get there eventually.
im very infrequent on here and will sometimes forget tumblr exists for weeks so im never ignoring you im just stupid and i have memory issues
if youre gonna be mean to pretty much anyone i dont really want you here. just dont be an asshole guys.
anyway have a good day !! :)
#please never read this#this is embarassing#if you even think for a millisecond that you might know me in person i am politely asking you to leave immediately#intro post#i dont know what to put in here#ps i only did this bc i saw pickledsad do one so shoutout to her!#i dont know how to tag this#i also dk how to use tumblr#how does this work#theres like 120 of you so i figured at least one person would care at least a little bit and if you dont then still be nice i have feelings#( whispers )#if you wanna call me december im okay with that#it was nearly my name#anyway#nobodys gonna see this#but#if you do see this#feel free to call me december i guess#it would make me happy#but no pressure#also like#should i put my tags in this#i will#skate has words#skate answers#skate rants!#i love referring to myself in the third person#i do it ALL THE TIME#its kinda bad#but like
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that relatable moment when you assumed the girl you used to care for perished in a tragic lab ablaze incident and only realized she still lived when you stumble upon her years later after you've erased yourself from everyone's memories and now she no longer remembers you
#collei#scaramouche#wanderer#genshin impact#art#ougggggh. oughghhhhhh#okay so my throught process here was that they met when collei was still in the lab#and overtime he begrudgingly came to care for her despite his inner matra of “dont get attached dont get attached”#(he got attached)#and when the lab went vwoosh he assumed she died along with everyone else#and it made him even WORSE#so when he erases himself from irminsul he assumes everyone he once cared for and cared for him are dead or gone#and sometime after he becomes wanderer nahida sends him to ghandharva ville for some bullshit idk#secretly she knew collei was still alive but was like. how do i tell him this. okay ill just let him find out#so he arrives and the first person to greet him is this little girl with the same eyes and hair and scars of the girl he used to care for#and while hes already REELING shes just goes#“hi! im trainee forest ranger collei! master tighnari sent me to collect you. follow me please!!”#and hes just standing there bc. its her#and she doesnt remember him#SCREAMING CRYING IM MAKING MYSELF SAD
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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what power/mutation would U have oomfie
my life would be significantly better if i had super speed and i'm not exaggerating in the slightest i need to be fast as fuck YESTERDAY
#snap chats#i already have a power tho it's accidentally copying peoples accents the second i hear one#highkey tho ive thought of making an oc based on that cause thats doug levels of super niche i kinda love it for myself jvELKVJEALJ#anyway no all the time im bitching about the lack of time for anything ever and super speed woudl fix that i think ....#im talkin fast in everything ok Running ? no need for a car Drawing ? i can draw everything i need to#motherfuckerrr READING PLEASE. let me read fast as fuck ... i need to be fast as fuck#'snap doesnt super speed just affect movement i dont think it affects mental processes' dont know + dont care + my power + my rules#i blame this infatuation with speed on sonic the hedgehog but im also right so what now#ok we're moving on now i dont WANT TO TALK ABOUT BUSINESS TODAY I WANT TO SLEEEEEP
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i need to stop speaking forever.
#vent#tw suicide#i said ‘no one likes me’ as a joke/dramatics because no one wanted to do this dumb game with me#and my ‘friend’ said i was right#i know she doesn’t like me because shes said it but does she have to repeat it#you dont have to say that. i know. youve mentioned.#and my sister (whos her gf) said it was a bit rude and she just said shes not responsible for other peoples feelings#YES YOU ARE#YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER PEOPLES FEELINGS WHEN YOU ACTIVELY TRY TO MAKE THEM FEEL BAD YOU ARE#i hate her i hope she died i hipe she kills herself i hope shes smashed between two cars in a horrible crash#sorry#im not a horrible person please i promise#i might be#i dont think im that bad but#i just dont get how bad of a person i must be for someone to tell me they dont like me straight to my face no shame teo times now#in fromt of my friends and siblings and no one cares#im sure everyone else thinks it too but theyre nice so they dont say their opinion because thats rude and shes a bitch so she doesnt care#but like#i didnt think i was that bad i dont want to be that bad ive tried i am trying to be likeable#i wish i wasnt so affected by it because i dont even like her#i wish i could fucking kill myself#i actually might be a horrible person
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firm believer that if signora found kaeya as a child (and with the HC/theory that he looks like rostam) she would have claimed him as her son (and she would have somewhat healed mentally and emotionally too)
#kaeyachi randoms#yeah just a thought ive had for years now tbh#more tags to help further this hc#signora actually not being good with caring for an actual child at first and had to get help from arlecchino#signora: if you ask me to destroy the world i would do so#kaeya: i dont think i want that yet but can i please get a hug?#pierro: a Khaenri'ahn?#Arlecchino: an eclipse dynasty Khaenri'ahn?#dottore: ANOTHER ONE?!#childe: he smells like the abyss 👀#signora: everyone better back tf away or im freezing then burning you all to a crisp#and to make myself clearer this time#genshin headcanons#and a#yes this was further inspired by that one arle voiceline about signora
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-> on mothers, resentment, and the guilt of needing to be cared for
#web weaving#mother#she gave up her world to give it to me#but i dont deserve this#and now we play house but she wont truly meet my eyes#she could've had a life without me#she gave it up because HE wanted a family#and now im an adult and shes slaving away 40+hr work weeks to continue caring for me#while he fucks off#i just wish i could take care of her#or even just myself#grant her the freedom of living for herself#every day she looks so sad and tired#and it makes me sick#mom i want it to be my turn#please stop shouldering my burdens#i want to be able to be a real capable person and prove you didnt fail#i dont want you to feel like those 20 years were wasted#im so so so so so sorry i left#im sorry i threw away your chance to watch me grow up#and then showed back up on your doorstep as some mangled excuse for an adult#im sorry you cant trust me to remember even the simplest shit to take care of myself#im sorry you had me#you could be so much better than this#i wish i could give back everything ive taken from you#more than anything#i want to take your place#i want to watch you make your way in the world with new fresh eyes#and have friends and go out and do things that make you happy#to have hobbies and interests and free time and energy
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I am so beyond ready to quit this job. Wednesday cannot come fast enough.
#to be fair it's bc school starts again in a few weeks#but idk. every day at this office feels like sandpaper on my skin. people always ask me shit i dont understand#and every case is so individual there's no set checklist to follow to troubleshoot#so most of the time I just grind my gears and get stuck#it'd busy more days than not.#and it was advertised to me as data entry only. client interactions was not what i signed up for.#it's all client interaction.#we're short staffed so nobody gets to take the back office and have a break.#when we weren't short staffed i was the new guy and only got 1 day in the back a week while everyone else got 2.#all my coworkers are conservative but talk like they're apolitical.#i thought it'd be fulfilling bc im helping people get benefits#but many are rude or impatient as any other service job. I'm constantly trying to direct people that don't want to listen#or explain the intricacies of something i barely understand.#and i don't want to lead people astray bc you have to start over if you blow a deadline.#but there's just nothing redeeming that i enjoy.#i hate customer service. i hate constantly asking questions. i like seldom few of my coworkers.#i can't be me at work.#and i don't care about the work itself anymore.#this job made me cry every day for weeks last month from sheer stress and overstimulation.#i almost cried myself sick several times.#the only reason I'm not there anymore is bc i dont fucking care anymore.#it took me 2 months to burn out. 2 months!#i was training for half of that!!#idk. everyone decided i was smart and could pick it up quickly so. even though everyone else got 4-6 weeks of shadowing#you can make do with 3 before you start doing stuff solo.#which feels unfair. i wasn't ready for it. and i resent the decision quite a bit.#plus it's been a nightmare for me in terms of external stressors and my generally deteriorating mental health. so.#all in all. i hate it here.#and i can't wait to turn in my notice so i can gtfo in 2 weeks#i am so tired. free me. let me go back to my music please
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Romarriche - “Your company is one of a kind… I would never lie to you. I would never say a half-truth or be quiet.” “What is it in your mind, Merold?” “Hearing your voice, complaint or not—it is music to me either way.” Merold - “If there is one constant in this world… Let it be you.” “You’re the cruelest and the kindest thing that happened to me.” “…If only you continued to look at me like that.” Romarriche - “…Merold?” Merold - “But~ It’s only a minor case of bad-mood-itis.” “So Romarriche, spoil me with a spar, will you?” Romarriche - “Merold.” Romarriche - “Look at me.” Merold - “…” Romarriche - “Is something… Wrong?” Merold - “Instead of a spar…” “I might want to lie down on your lap after all.”
#fragaria memories#merold#romarriche#i wont lie i only had the first line and wanted to write something with it#i was reading this novel and i wanted to write something romantic </3#im gonna babble here on my own so you're always free to skip the tags...#if i remember correctly romarriche and merold were made knights around the same time and I work on that context#i like to think their relationship was rocky at first at romarriche's side who didn't want to befriend merold#compared to merold who thought he finally had a friend his age that was also a knight of fragaria#it was romarriche who looked at merold with a perceived perfection and was compared to him#“...I'll get better and strong. I'll impress everyone so I don't have to hear it--his name repeating over and over again.”#merold who says “if only you continued to look at me like that...” refers back to the past when romarriche didn't think of him favorably#but i like the double meaning to it “please look me as you did before and look at me as you do now”#“cruelest” and “kindest” i was a reading a novel that also used those words so I kinda grabbed from that </3#its really a cute novel though#me reading fragaria memories theories to see if it can at least make sense#i like this but i dont like this at the same time wwww#what does it say about its characters? as a writer i want to care about that because no dialogue should be said without reason#i think this dialogue is perfection but what am i writing this for? who does it refer it? what does it refer to?#but at the end of the day i simply want to indulge myself#something that could sound good and personal and something that could make people who read this smile and myself smile#Merold - “Will you make the promise to never change?”#Romarriche - “Change... But change in what way?”#Merold - “...”#Merold - “Because I'm a knight who fears a lot of things...”#Merold - “And I care about the Romarriche I have now.”#it was never supposed to be detailed but look at me now... </3
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that's just his packer. don't be rude :/
#out of spell slots / ooc.#making my own post abt his underwear so i dont make unhinged comments on strangers posts#anyway the game gives me silly little things like this. and morena 'she doesnt care what i call myself as long as im happy' dekarios#and you expect me to not read him as trans coded? please
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i'm the antonymph of the internet
#how many tributes to this song will i make in my life#MANY ! it literally changed my life and means a lot to me. i love antonymph and vylet pony's music is worth checking out - please do.#unsupervised internet access as a queer neurodivergent kid anthem !!#i chose to do misty since we all know i like drawing her in experimental pieces and putting her in outfits. she also has art in a gir hoodi#from the clash team in treasure trove!! :D#this is also experimental/stylistic as well!! had fun!! nice to just draw something in one day and not worry. leaves me tired but...#haven't done a nice piece like so in one day in a while!!! i'm very proud :] it's a fun one#anyways... both a little tribute to the song and misty as a character#ihave so many thoughts about misty even if i dont talk publicly on them. shes a very interesting character to me and i care about her so#much. i compared her to fluttershy in the past - and realized that if i liked ttcc as a kid she would've been my favorite.#fluttershy on her own meant a lot to me as a child. including mlp itself as it's one of the core things that got me into drawing art online#a lot of my analysis on misty and headcanons at least on the more emotional scale do come from a bit of projecting but...it makes it more#fun to me when i can put myself into the shoes of a character like her who i already relate to. rrghh too bad im scared to talk about her#too much in nuanced detail in public since some people are... not so nice about her. though i know the tumblr audience is nice and unders#standing!!#anyways from me just having fun being me#i let misty have a little bit of fun... something i think she would possibly enjoy? i do see her as someone who gets nostalgic#and is stuck in more childish things and matters. she wants to play ip dip with you...its very sweet to me. letting myself and her be#confident through a song that means so much to me is kind of powerful to me. i had a lot of fun making this drawing.#anyways. love this song. love ttcc. love mity /p. be swag and be self indulgent and have fun. you can do anything u want forevah#toontown#toontown corporate clash#antonymph#guz art#rainmaker
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such a horrible day couldnt have ended any other way
#EVERYTHING that couldve gone wrong went wrong#but seeing my mom cry is always heartbreaking#my grandmas bday is tomorrow and she wanted to have a dinner but my uncle deliberately pushed to make it a lunch so i dont go#but his kids can go. of course#i honestly dont give a shit cuz theyre always doing stuff like this and if cared everytime i wouldve off'd myself years ago#but my moms was present for this and seeing them make this decision really triggered her#my grandmas favoritism for my shithead uncle has been a constant in her life and it breaks her heart seeing them deliberately exclude me#i hate them for this#im so so so so so so tired#thank god i have good friends because otherwise#it would be so hard to go on#i dont see my parents and brothers often anymore but theyre so good to me and im so grateful for that#im so sorry mom please dont feel bad for me
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