#please dont hurt me im not funny
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cowboygideon · 3 months ago
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seven year homoerotic friendship with a guy so traumatic you have to steal his girlfriend, marry her, and have a child together just to stave off the gay thoughts
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moeblob · 8 months ago
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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james-spooky · 2 months ago
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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boxwinebaddie · 3 months ago
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heeeeello party people!~ super bacteria uncle nina here using my silly tumblr to cope again ( my culture came back and it was...suuuuper fucking bad! like i knew it would be, lol! awesome! <3 thanks, god! )
but we're not thinking about, what were gonna think about is the time that ravenstan got a little Too tipsy topsy turvy on jerseyky boxwine,
( it's the cab sav one, fyi. i can't drink on all these Fucknut Antibiotics - they prescribed me the wrong one and i took it, if you can believe it; i luv doctors - can y'all believe i did this shit Sober? unREAL, brohs! )
and was on tiktok live, the dawn spawns of the world convinced him to do the 'White Boy Of The Month' filter bc he's too impressionable and what can i say;
The Man LOVES White Boys. ;) xxx
( helpsksdj )
so, he started doing it and was like 'nooooo, is /KYLE/ on this one?!?! You're Joking.' ( everyone said 'JK <3' because they all think they're jimmy valmer stand-up sit-down comedians, smh...but no, naught joking, Actually JK bc in my ncau-niverse, cd and the blondies gang are celebrities, so naturally they’re on A Lot of social filters )
so he was GOING to save The No.1 slot...for the no.1 slut ( if you will, ) my ginger gringo king, ceo of dark academic debauchery and bottom feeding ;), new jay's finest - literally - kyley b matthew broflovski; <33 ( buuuut! he's a reformed manhoe; so watchya mowtH! )
buuuuut x2 ( and i'd say it's a big butt, but it's not, it's ravenstan, so it's flatter than the sidewalk; luh you flat stanley ) Gaydhd Won Again and tipsy ravenstan got distracted by all the FINE ASS WHITE MEN and started getting philosophical about it ( that man put a lil too much #thot into those placings; he was born for it, soz )
had about two spots left ( the top and bottom spots; i am laughing ) figured that there was almost 'No Chance!' he would get jersey...
PUT /MATTHEW! GRAY! GUBLER!/ AT ONE ( Immaculate Taste, btw! he also put jacob elordi at number two because he is a fucking genius and that...really tells you Everything you need to know about my stan. like tall, could probably be a runway model, intellectual, kind of a jackass, stays fitted, accent or eccentric manner of speaking...yeah )
-- BUT HE WANTED TO BE CLEAR, HE HAD TO SPECIFY THAT HE WAS SPECIFICALLY REFERRING TO /DR. SPENCER REID/ OF CRIMINAL MINDS. WHEN I TELL YOU HE HAS NO IDEA WHO MGG IS BUT HE HAS SEEN EVERY EPISODE OF CRIMINAL MINDS SEVERAL TIMES. IT’S LIKE...HIS /FAVORITE/ FKN SHOW. AND HE DOES HAVE A FAT CRUSH ON REID. YES, I DOES TRACK; I KNOW. )
and RIGHT when he was rolling for the very last spot ranking on the filter ( that's the BOTTOM, i repeat, THE B/O/T/T/O/M of the tierlist )
...hE GOT KYLE
FUCKING
BROFLOVSKI
and had to place him at /TEN/.
-- riiiiiiight as Kyle /FUCKING/ Broflovski came out of the kitchen in the dorky ass star of david apron that sheila got him for hannukah, with his hair up and everything, holding a fork so stan could taste...
...T-THE PASTA HE JUST MADE HIM FOR DINNER BECAUSE HE'S A SWEET BEAUTIFUL /ANGEL/....and i'm talking The Very First Bite Of EXTREMELY DELICIOUS KYLE Pasta that he put ZUCCHINI IN JUST FOR STAN BECAUSE HE IS ( what? ) AN ANGEL!! FROM hEAVEN!!!!! AND THE WHITE BOY OF THE /YEAR/: TAKE YA JERSEY SLANDER SOMEWHERE ELSE: HE'S MY WHITE BUOY UVF FOREVA!
...proceeded to Blow On It ;-;, s-so stan wouldn't burn his mouth... ( bc rav always gets too excited and burns his mouth; nooo :c </3 ) and asked him why his phone was blowing up w/ people tagging him in thirst traps of 'That Supa Nerdy Guy From That One Crime Show' and asking him if stan tweeted something about him cooking bc people keep telling him that he's 'Cooked'. SHKDLDHLKS HEEELP.
And....
*rawr xd home mid/hschooled ravenstan vc*
Scene. <3
#nina speaks#sorry that ravenheadstannon makes me cry laughing everytime and i needed a distraction; he needs to go to jail#like he needs tall white boy behavioral therapy for his BAD BEHAVIOR he is down astronomically bad...i'm...SMHHHH#I CANNOT EXPRESS HOW FUNNY PUTTING SCARY SWOLE AF TOPDOM STREET FIGHTER JERSEY KYLE ON BOTTOM IS#LIKE THAT IS SACRIFUKINGLIGIOUS THAT IS WRONG#all to put mgg on top SORRY SPENCER REID HE REALLY DID SPECIFY IT TOO EVEN WHEN JK ASKED IM CRYINGGG nOO#HE WAS LIKE ACTUALLY HIS NAME IS dR. SpENcER rEid!!!#like are u kidding...are you JOKING SUPER BEST FRIEND???#SAY!!! SIIIIKE!!!! and jk thought this was cute bc aw u know his name thats so dorky awh--oH IMMM SORRY!!!! *sarcasm vc*#i dIDNT KNOW HE WAS A DOOOOOOCTA MY BAAAD DOES DOOOOCTAH SPENCA REAAAAAD WANT SOME PASTA?!?!#SHOULD I LEEEEEEEAVE YOU TWOOOOOO TO GO ON YOUR DAAAATE?!?! YOU AN yAAAAAA bOOOOYFRIEND?!?!?#IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM SOOOOORRY FOR THIRDWHEELiN! ITS NAUGHT LIKE THIS IS MY HOUSE OR MY SB BOYFRIEND OR ANYtHIN!! >>>:/#help oh my god ATE THE FIRST BITE OF PASTA IN FRONT OF HIM EVERYONE WAS LIKE OH MY GOD MY PARENTS#ARE BREAKING UP NOOO RAVESEY NATION WE ARE SO DOWN OH MY GOD THE OTHER HALF WAS SHIPPING#REIDVEN#ravenstan tried to explain....He COULD NOT dkhflshfl so bad so funny RIP he was like wow i came home from a long day#of my internship i made you diNNAh and you put me aT tEN???!! ohhh it was so over oh my god rs was like mI AMOR BESITO BESITO BESITOoOOoOo#YOU ARE SO HANDSOME I LOVE YOU YOU ARE SO TALENTED AND SMART AND FUNNY I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO THAT IS ( has a shrine )#WOWZA THATS SO CRAZY BABY PLEASE DONT BE MAD IT WAS AN ACCIDENT TE AMOOO PLEASE HAVE I TOLD U HOW HANDSOME U ARE ;-;;;;#insane...he still got his pasta too...jail for life...he did redo the filter and did it until he got jk first put him at one and closed it#i cannot believe it also i love cute domestic apartment husband jk he is the best he really is ravenstan Count Your Days#people joking about them breaking up and foreshadowing it...BRUTAAAAAAL! please note mgg sided w rs in the divorce#and made a video saying i love u to him <3 as a joke <3 bUT I KNOOOOOOW JK WAS PUNCHIN DRYWALL AND SCREAMIN#I KNOW THAT PISSED HIM AWHFF SOOOOO BAD OH MY GOD HE MADE SEVERAL MGG HATE ACCOUNTS#AND TURNED HIS STOMACH WATCHING CM EVEN THO HE HATES THAT SHIT JUST TO COMMENT#ON TIMES SPENCER REID WAS FACTUALLY INACCURATE#my chest hurts but i cant tell if its bc of the bacteria or bc i'm laughing too hard so i won help i love my criminal mind <3
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k1ll3r-k4rg0 · 1 year ago
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what a horrible way to die
YOU DESERVE IT
___ 18+ blog; no minors plz
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sonknuxadow · 2 years ago
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new rule: people who arent sonic fans have to learn the basics of sonic lore and the characters relationships with eachother before they are allowed to say anything about sonic characters. especially if it is about sonic and tails
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hecksupremechips · 7 months ago
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Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of
#writing him has just been like. OOOOWOEOEOEOOE i piss tears i cant handle this shit this gay ass shit#i came up with an idea for just like a cute short one shot i wanna do soon and hnnnghh im so emo about it#very healing its like very hard to write some of the shit im gonna be writing cuz basically#some of it is just a little too real man and while i crave the angst and the drama i am just like#AND THEN EVERYONE HOLDS HANDS AND ITS OKAY PLEASE DONT CRY PLEASE#and ive mentioned how shinji has accidentally become nb to me now because i just kinda happened to write him that way without meaning to#and now another thing im noticing is that in my fic hes kinda bpd coded#it definitely wasnt intentional but now im accepting it as truth no one can stop me#i just really need him to be happy its more important to me than anything else man i need it for me#and he needs to be gay with aki they need to kissy and i think its funny cuz even in the parts where shinji is mad at aki and pushing him#away its like. he kinda has it bad lol and its clear he feels no actual hatred towards aki but more just self deprecation because he doesnt#feel good enough and like idk i just think about their respective roles in society like#aki is an honor student star boxer hero very attractive very kind very popular got adopted by a rich family#hes going places you know meanwhile shinji is a drop out who never had a family ever hes homeless hes sketchy hes on drugs#his reputation couldnt be any worse and he just leans into it and feels he has no future and hes worthless garbage#and aki could literally have anyone he wants you know he has an army of girls pining over him but he doesnt want them#HE WANTS SHINJI AND NO ONE ELSE HE SPENDS YEARS CHASING AFTER HIM#and shinji HATES it hes trying so hard to push him away and be the crusty delinquent and make aki see how worthless he really is#but aki just doesnt stop he loves him so much makes me sick SICK#and shinji really loves him back hes like not gonna shut up ever about aki hes like either doing it in a gay ass annoyed way#or hes like ‘haha omg aki is so cute though hes always trying so hard to be tough but hes just so sweet and gentle you know i hope he#doesnt push himself too hard if he got hurt id fall apart hes so silly i hope hes eating good i desire him carnally’#yeah sorry gamers this is just a pairing i cant be normal about they mean so much to me personally the fate of the world rests upon them
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year ago
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Having a terrible, horrible time watching Hungary 2009 😭😭😭 why are all my boys doing badly????
Brawn is falling down the field(haha guess my Aston comparison is apt 🌚), Nando's tire fucked off and bounced away, the RBRs had shitty pit stops and both Seb and Nando DNFed
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cammy-mcspammy · 9 months ago
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nicob is well known in the danganronpa for being one of the larger channels that first covered danganronpa back when there was only a fan translation, and is the creator of the nagito hope bagel meme along with other big memes in the fandom
OH FRR??? I don't really know much about danganronpa back then other then a few running jokes and like... the game itself. Never knew the origin of them, though 🤷‍♂️
Only ytbers I know who played danganronpa are like, game grumps and kubzscouts.. and MAYBE bijumike
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ozlices · 1 year ago
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realized it's my friend who disappeared a year ago's birthday,,, and just got. absolutely whiplashed with grief. i hate not knowing if she's even Alive, much less doing okay. i sincerely, with all my heart and soul, hope she's alive & well. happy birthday, m. not a day goes by that you don't cross my mind. i miss you.
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todayisafridaynight · 2 years ago
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oh my fucking god im still laughing at "mine was hot" i cant fucking breathe
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popponn · 1 year ago
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im suffering through a backpain rn so all i will offer for a while are rebblogs with madman babblings. and here, for anyone who are interested (whoever u r, ily.)
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orcelito · 2 years ago
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perhaps also related to the fact that i am scheduled to close this weekend with the person who was apparently laughing about how a year ago there was a supervisor chat without me Specifically for the purpose of shit talking me
and im supposed to treat her graciously after that? get Fucking real.
#speculation nation#negative/#like. i will. i'll treat her politely as is expected of me working with someone i dont like#even though that wasn't a courtesy extended to me by the people last year. including her apparently!#i dont know why she's come back. i want to gut her like a fish.#i dont think i mentioned that but i learned a few weeks ago that she was laughing about this to a few employees#who called her out for it. which makes me feel very grateful to them.#how fucking immature though. resorting to bullying and ostracizing in a workplace environment.#this was the bullshit that had me fucking Sobbing bc of it all. and you're Laughing about it?#you saw the day that girl screamed at me & how i cried for a half hour straight in storage#until i finally pulled myself together enough to work (though i was still next to tears for Hours)#me. a person who cries Maybe 4 times a year. if even. it had me struggling that hard to not cry.#and this is Funny to you? it's Funny that i was treated like that? just because you all didnt like me bc i was Too Confrontational?#a: im as confrontational as i need to be to avoid problems festering. as a grown fucking adult should be.#and b: even if you didnt like me that's still fucked UP#what the fuck is WRONG with you people??????? why do you take so much glee from my pain?#and again. in a fucking place of work. i know it's food service but Please. have some basic fucking professionalism.#i dont know how im supposed to get through this shift. im so fucking angry at it all.#the anger and frustration has been cycling faster and faster in my heart and i want to Hurt Things but there's nothing im allowed to hurt#so what am i to do? how do i get rid of this feeling? i know what ive done in the past but im not allowed to do that now#with nothing to do im just blasting this fucking song. maybe if i play it loud enough it'll fix me.
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the-mesozoic-system · 11 months ago
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Im going to fight someone the next time i see a person say wrong information about how i got the flare. This is the 5th time today and i fucking hate it. So im going to explain it under the cut once again but on this blog instead of my own personal one (tw capslock because im extremely pissed off and cant do this anymore)
I WAS NOT BITTEN OR SCRATCHED OR INJECTED.
THE VIRUS WAS RELEASED AS AN AIRBORNE VIRUS AND IT INFECTED EVERYONE ON THE PLANET. IT WAS FOR POPULATION CONTROL TO KILL THE WEAKEST PEOPLE. SOME PEOPLE ARE MORE VULNERABLE TO THE VIRUS AND DIED. THEN IT MUTATED BECAUSE THE SUN WAS TOO HOT AND MORE PEOPLE DIED FROM THE VIRUS. AND THEN IT PROLONGUES PEOPLES LIVES COZ THEY DONT DIE IMMEDIATELY BUT IT EATS AWAY AT THEIR BRAIN AND MAKES THEM GO CRAZY. THEY ARE NOT ZOMBIES, THEY ARE STILL ALIVE, WE JUST LOOKED BAD BECAUSE WE WERE LITERALLY FIGHTING EACH OTHER TO STAY ALIVE. WE WOULD KILL EACH OTHER IN DEFENSE. HENCE THE INJURIES THAT MAKE PEOPLE THINK WE'RE ZOMBIES. WE ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TO ZOMBIES.
I HAD THE FLARE THE WHOLE TIME. THERE WAS NO SPECIFIC POINT WHEN I CONTRACTED IT, OTHER THAN WHEN IT WAS ORIGINALLY RELEASED.
THE VIRUS WAS IN EVERYONES BRAIN. SOME WERE JUST IMMUNE AND HAD NO REACTION, BUT THEY STILL HAD IT. ALL EXCEPT TOMMY BECAUSE HIS BLOOD WAS THE CURE.
PLEASE STOP SPREADING MISINFORMATION ABOUT THE FLARE AND HOW IT WAS CREATED/SPREAD/DEVELOPS. JUST READ THE DAMN BOOKS PROPERLY BECAUSE THEY EXPLAIN EVERYTHING AND STOP ASSUMING YOU KNOW EVERYTHING WHEN YOUVE ONLY WATCHED THE FILMS BECAUSE ITS ALL WRONG.
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evie-sturns · 5 months ago
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need you - Chris Sturniolo
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summary: after a lot of convincing, you finally convince your best friend, chris, to take away your biggest insecurity. being a virgin.
contains: fluff, smut, needy!reader, gentle!chris, virginity loss, a lot of praise.
-----------------└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘-----------------
i lay on chris's chest, as scrolls through his phone. my eyes fixed on his long fingers, swiping across his screen.
chris puts his phone down before looking at me. "y/n..." he speaks up with a small laugh,
i sit up off his warm chest, my back now resting against the headboard. "hm?' i hum in response,
"whats up with you?" he asks, fixing my hair.
"nothing." i fidget with my hands,
a lot was up, actually. my biggest insecurity is that i'm almost 21, and a total virgin. chris doesn't know this, the subject has never really been brought up between us. but i see him so often, and i've known him forever! it wouldn't hurt to ask him to take my virginity?
"i've known you for like- 6 years, i always know when somethings up." chris smiles, pushing my shoulder lightly.
"i'm okay- i promise." i laugh nervously.
chris stares at me blankly, his eyes roaming over my face. he knows i'm lying.
the silence grows as he waits for an actual answer out of me. i fidget with my bracelet, avoiding eye contact with chris.
"can i ask you something..." i whisper, finally looking up at chris.
"uh oh." he mutters,
"shut up- i'm trying to be serious" i scoff, chris reaches out and grabs both of my hands, holding them.
"you may talk to me" chris forces a stupid voice,
"you are such an idiot." i groan, throwing my head back.
"no- tell me!" chris cuts me off,
"okay, but you have to promise to not bully me forever- like actually if you say no to this i will rot away from embarrasment" i ramble,
confusion grows on chris's face by the second.
he nods, waiting for me to say something.
"im- i'm a.. you know?" i whisper,
chris shakes his head with confusion painted across his face, "a criminal?"
"no! a virgin- chris i'm a total virgin." i sigh,
"what does this have to do with me?" chris laughs, his cheeks a light shade of pink
"i want you to fuck me." i blurt out, clasping a hand over my mouth.
"what?" he responds, his eyes widening and his chest rising and falling dramatically.
"please..?" i whisper, avoiding eye contact with him.
he runs a hand through his hair,
"i don't want things to be weird between us y/n," chris states seriously,
"they won't be, it'll just be one time-" i protest,
"look- i think you're a very attractive young woman-" chris starts but i cut him off,
"you sound like my dad!" i whine,
he grabs my chin, making me look at him, "just listen- okay?'
i nod, he lets go of my chin.
"i want you to think if this is actually what you want- because i'm thinking that just is a desperation type thing." chris says,
"i'm not desperate, i just dont want to die a virgin!"
chris looks around the room,
"please- just one time?" i ask, he stays silent
"then we don't have to speak about it again- i just need you to fuck me once" i continue,
chris lets out a chuckle,
"what. is. funny!" i say with frustration laced in my voice,
"i never thought you would be begging for me to have sex with you" he grins widely,
i let out a laugh, "shush"
"c'mon- just teach me how to-" i ramble again, but chris cuts me off,
"okay- fine- lets just do it" he smiles, covering his face
i clap, "yay!"
he scoffs, "you're stupid."
"i don't care, so- where do we start?" i smile nervously,
he stands up off the bed and walks over to the door, locking it.
"um-- do you ever do stuff with yourself?" chris asks, walking over to me and standing above me by the bed.
"yeah." i reply, chris nods understandingly,
"like what?" he asks, i hesitate before answering,
“just stuff with my hands.” i say, fidgeting with my bracelet,
“okay- yeah that’s perfect! see your not a total virgin.” chris smiles at me,
i scoff as i sit up, cross legged on the matress as i wait for some sort of instruction.
“right- well.” chris stammers,
“you’ve done this before right?” i tease earning a flick from chris,
“obviously, i’m just not sure how you want to do this.” he rolls his eyes,
“i’ll do anything you tell me to chris.” i say, locking eyes with him.
“yeah?” he grins, reaching down and tugging up my shirt.
his long, cold fingers graze against my bare skin.
i feel the fabric of my shirt slide up off my body, leaving my in my dark red, lacy bra.
his eyes just roam over my body, his chest rising and falling.
“you’re really pretty, you know that?” he breathes out, tugging off his white wife beater.
i cover my flushed face with my hands, chris pulls my hands away from me.
“let me see that pretty face.” he praises, making my heart thump.
his hand snakes to the waistband of my sweatpants, he pulls them down my body, i lift my hips off the mattress for easier access.
he drags out each touch, his fingers just grazing over my bare skin as he runs his spare hand through his locks.
i lay bare on the matress below chris, the only thing covering me being my thin panties and bra.
“can i take these off?” he asks, tracing an outline along the outside of my panties.
“yes- do anything you want-“ i almost beg,
he tugs down my underwear, shoving them in his pocket nonchalantly,
“christopher!” i laugh, he shrugs cluelessly with a guilty smile.
“i better get those back.” i state,
“we’ll see.” he says under his breath,
he stares very obviously at my soaked core, i look at his crotch, which has a very obvious tent in it.
“so pretty.” he coos, finally reaching down and dragging his middle finger across my slit.
“oh chris.” i moan lightly with his feathering touch.
“so sensitive aren’t we?” he says with a smug smile,
i nod desperately,
chris removes his hand from me to tug down his black jorts, letting them pool at his ankles.
he tugs down his boxers,
my mouth falls open gently, my eyes fixed on his length.
he’s big, bigger than what i’ve ever seen in movies and shit.
my heart rate picks up, i sit up on my elbows.
“chris- chris that’s gonna hurt- that’s not gonna work-“ i panic, words frantically spilling out of my mouth.
he sits down on the matress beside me, clasping a hand over my mouth.
“you’re boosting my ego.” he laughs, taking his hand away from my mouth.
“no chris- actually that’s not gonna happen!”
he looks at me, a small laugh exiting his moth before he speaks.
“it doesn’t have to hurt, it might be a little bit uncomfortable because it’s your first time, but i promise that i’ll go super duper slow.”
god, the man who’s about to take my virginity just said ‘super duper’
“and if you want me to stop at any time we will stop, and take a break, then see if you’re still feeling up for it. if not then there’s always another day!” he smiles warmly, rubbing my inner thigh.
“yeah?” he follows up,
“yeah.” i nod eagerly.
he stands up, before tugging me to the edge of the bed, my legs dangling off the side of the matress.
he stands between my legs, rubbing my thigh continuously.
“you’re so gorgeous.” he sighs,
his erection rests against my thigh, making this all feel so real.
he reaches between my thighs and dips a finger inside of me quite suddenly.
i gasp, his finger is a lot longer than mine.
he curls it against a spot which is driving me crazy.
“just gotta stretch you out real quick.” he says to me,
it feels so wrong, so dirty. having my bestfriend of 6 years about to be inside of me, his words making me crumble. god- if he knew how long i have been wanting this he would kill me.
he slowly teases his second finger at my entrance before pushing inside of me slowly,
“chris-“ i moan lightly,
he bends over, hovering above me so our faces are face to face, so intimate.
my hand reaches up and grips his arm, squeezing it.
he scissors his fingers apart inside of me, stretching me around his hand.
“you- are so tight.” he breathes with a small laugh,
“can’t wait to feel you around my cock, already feel so good around my fingers don’t you?” he teases, i arch my back off the bed.
he slowly pulls his fingers out of me, “chris i wasn’t finished-“ i whine,
“shh- don’t want you to cum yet.” he smiles, wiping his fingers on my thigh.
he steps out from between my thighs, walking over to his bedside table.
“where are you going?” i pant,
he holds up a condom,
“no- i don’t want that.” i protest,
“we need it sweetheart, as much as i love you i am not getting you pregnant.” he laughs,
“i’m on birth control.” i state,
he looks at me, “oh- shit okay!” he bites back a smile.
he goes back between my legs,
“just gonna give you a little bit at a time, you tell me if it’s too much or too fast.”
i nod, he lines himself up with me.
i reach out and grip his his hand, holding it tight while his tip presses against my entrance.
i squeeze my eyes shut,
“look at me, take a nice deep breath for me okay?”
i suck in a sharp breath,
chris pushes inside of me,
his tip stretches my walls slowly, a pathetic whimper escapes from my throat,
jesus christ.
christopher sturniolo, my childhood bestfriend, is inside of me.
“good girl, fuuck..” he sighs, moving the stray bits of hair infront of my face away from me.
“you can take a little more, can’t you?” he breathes,
i nod, he pushes slightly deeper inside of me.
“oh chris- fuck!” i moan softly, squeezing his hand.
“taking me so well, so so good.” he praises, making me clench around him.
a low groan falls from his mouth as he pushes further, and deeper inside of me.
tears prickle in my eyes from the burning stretch, which chris seems to pick up on.
“hey- don’t get upset, you’re doing so good, you’re not a virgin anymore!” chris smiles
he pushes the rest of the way inside of me, “look at that..” he sighs, at the closed gap between our hips.
“you okay?” he says, wiping my watering eyes with a sympathetic grin.
“i’m- full.” i whisper with a small smile,
“i know you are, aren’t you?” chris grins, just resting inside of me, allowing me to get used to his length.
“can i move?” he asks, “yes- please chris.” i reply
he slowly rocks his hips back and forth, he hovers above my face, breathing heavily into my neck.
small groans and grunts fall from his mouth, straight into my ear.
after several thrusts the pain fades into pleasured
suddenly i feel chris’s lips connect with my neck, sucking on the plush of the skin.
he gradually starts to quicken his pace, “chris! fuck- fuck chris oh my god!” i arch my back off the matress
he reaches down where our bodies meet and brushes my sensitive clit,
“you feel so good, taking me so well.” chris mutters into my neck,
“you look so pretty with me so deep inside of you.” he whispers,
i grip his back, my nails running up and down his bare skin.
the intense pressure in my stomach builds with each thrust,
i look down, a clear stomach bulge is imprinted in my stomach.
that’s enough to tip me over the edge, i clench around him, finally releasing,
“good girl- so good, let it all go.” he says in between jolted breaths.
he thrusts a few more times before finishing inside of me, my eyes widen as i feel the warm sensation.
he stays buried inside of me as he flops down on my chest
his floppy hair rests on my face, as he buries his face in my neck.
i stroke his hair as i come down from my high, too stunned to speak.
“you’re so pretty.” he mumbles,
i let out a small flustered laugh,
“are you okay? not hurt or anything?” he mutters quietly into my shoulder
“i’m- good.” i giggle,
chris slowly lifts himself off of me before pulling out with a slick pop.
i groan from the emptiness, “mooreee.” i whine,
“you are definitely too sensitive for that.” he smiles, rubbing my thigh before walking over to his closet
he pulls out a sweater and some sweatpants before walking over to me.
he redresses me slowly, his eyes still roaming over every inch of my body.
he tugs on his clothes aswell before jumping into bed beside me, launching me a couple inches into the air.
he rests his back against the headboard before tugging me onto his lap quickly.
he presses a kiss to my forehead, “you did so good.”
i smile, resting against him.
a silence grows between us,
chris breaks the silence with a bold statement
“look- i’m just gonna say this, but i think i’m gonna have to be inside of you again at some point-“ he rambles
“i thought you insisted on it being a one time thing christopherrr” i poke his chest with a grin,
“i know- i know but please? maybe like friends with benefits type thing..” he suggests fidgeting with his hands
“i don’t want things to be different between us.” i laugh
“they won’t! i promise it will be the exact same apart from the fact.. you know.. i get to fuck you..?” he protests
“weren’t you teasing me an hour ago for ‘begging to have sex with you?’” i giggle,
“okay but that was then- this is now!” he whines
“fine chris, we can fuck sooometimes.”
—————-
this taglist is actually getting insane
@sturngirly @stellasturnzz @beccaluvschris @iammattsturniolo @issysh3ll @mattssluttygf @sturnslcver @arianatheway @mattybsgroupie @sturn1ololuvr @tisiablack @jessie-essie @demzzz
@downbad4reid
sturnsdoll @obvisturns @stupid4sturniolo @meerkatzthings @witchofthehour @rosalierenee43 @gabrielle-brun1 @ilovemymannnnnnnn @sturnioloxlver @buckys-goodgirl @sturniol0s@ilovemymannnnnnnn @chr1sgirl4life @luanetaluenta @sturnsssbow @mattfangirl @luvr4miya @luvtay111 @lolasturniolo @freshloveforthefit @ruedowney @lovingchrissposts @333michelle @h3arts4harry @jamiesturniolo @chrisstopherfilmed @itzdarling @ @daddyslilchickenfingers2 @ev3rgreenxtrees @certifiednatelover @solarsturniolo @mattsenthusiast @yomamaslays4lyfe @peachmels @alinaa131 @pepsiluvr0209 @creamoncreamoncream2 @szobofc @mattscoquette @blahbell668 @sturniolo04 @bitchydragonparadise @sturni0l0 @ratatioulle @sturnsfav @mattsonly @justalittle47 @sunsetsturniolos
@sturniolo04 @similartokayyz @sturnsintrouble @ilovemattsturn @raysmayhem-72 @75sturn @sturniol0s @secret-sturniolo @hfkeclnendmwodne @sturniolosass @gxldenlush @stonermattsgf @101sara @beccaluvschris @oliviasturniolo21 @imwetforyourmom @tylerstacobell @sunsetsturniolos @aliceloveschris @jayz4dayz4 @sassysturniolo2008 @nyktoxs-lover @nathandoesgf @starsturns234 @chrissturnsss s @joemamaaa42069 @sturnthepot @zayyluvz @realuvrrr @livialifesblog @sturnioloblogs @riowritesitall @raysmayhem-72
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priniya · 26 days ago
Note
would you maybe write an smau (oscar x norris or leclerc!reader) where the reader is just super clumsy and everyone makes fun of that?
ᯓᡣ𐭩 SUCH A KLUTZ ! ᡣ𐭩ᯓ
pairing. oscar piastri x leclerc!reader
summary. in which reader can’t walk straight to save her life and formula fans (as well as some of the drivers) find it extremely amusing, while her boyfriend is the greenest flag of all time.
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yourusername
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liked by oscarpiastri, francisca.cgomes, charles_leclerc and 89 623 others.
yourusername rumour has it that the best couple on grid is enjoying the summer break and the rumors are TRUE! though it is also said that the girl in third slide fell off the scooter and got a concussion so her boyfriend took her phone away for three days — this may or may not be true!
view all comments!
user1 oscar is so whipped the guy is the first like whenever she posts something 😭😭
user2 i know ehic isnt a thing in monaco unfortunately but my other european girlies please remember to get yourself an ehic card if you travel across europe it can save you a lot of nerves if you injury yourself on vacay 😭😭😭
priniya european girlies always remember to have a valid european health insurance card! <3
oscarpiastri she might say its not true but it is 👎👎 the girl almost gave me a heart attack
landonorris yourusername someone should lock you up because at this rate youre gonna hurt yourself by breathing
yourusername im having a brat summer ☹️
arthur_leclerc dont think its how it works lutin
francisca.cgomes rumour has it that she didn’t take her girlfriend with her to her trip
lilymhe rumour has it that she broke her other girlfriend’s heart
yourusername NOOOO IM SORRY 😭😭😭 LET ME MAKE IT UP WHEN THE BREAK ENDS
marverstappen1 girl how do you even function with that clumsy brain of yours?
yourusername kellypiquet please tell p that max is making fun of me because i got hurt
kellypiquet she’s making you a card rn
maxverstappen1 our house turned into a glitterlandia because of that card
yourusername I LOVE HER SO MUCH
user3 i honestly cant wait for the pyn reunion in zandvoort 🥹🥹🥹
yourusername same shes my true one 👊👊
charles_leclerc oscarpiastri take your aussie hands off my baby sister or ill crash into you in zandvoort 😁
charles_leclerc for legal purpose this may or may not be a joke
yourusername crash into him and i’ll do something worse than have his hands on me and make you watch
francisca.cgomes
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liked by pierregasly, alexandrasaintmleux, charles_leclerc and 432 621 others.
francisca.cgomes a girls night gone wrong…
— tagged alexandrasaintmleux, yourusername
view all comments!
user4 i bet my LIFE that yn had to go to the er 😭😭😭
pierregasly THIS is what you meant by a surprise??????
francisca.cgomes surprise . . . 😦
alexandrasaintmleux it was fun while it lasted . . .
user5 WHY DOES THE COMMENTS SEEM LIKE YN DIED WHERE IS HER COMMENT
user6 yn rn 💀🪦🪦
user7 you are not funny! hope that helps ❤️
charles_leclerc girl where is my sister 😭😭😭😭
yourusername WHY ARE YALL ACTING LIKE I DIED?????
user8 SHES ALIVE YOU GUYS
oscarpiastri kika you were supposed to bring her back in one piece?
francisca.cgomes sorry it was not my fault
francisca.cgomes literally not my fault this time a guy bumped into her shoulder and she fell 😭😭😭
yourusername i sprained my ankle :(
alexandrasaintmleux we still love you 🫶
user9 ngl i would give my leg to be a part of this friendship
user10 same
landonorris petition to keep yourusername locked in a cage
user11 😧😧😧
yourusername you gotta catch me first 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️
pierregasly i second this
lilymhe i third
alexandrasaintmleux ily yn but i fourth ☹️
twitter !
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user13 WHEN ITS GONNA BE MY TURN???
user14 i need an oscar in my life but idk if i wanna be yn 😭
user15 you r so real for that oomf
user16 ngl i wish i could be oscar to be with yn
user17 god just knew that if she made yn flawless she would be too much for mortals
user18 she ?
user17 god is a woman and her name is pascale leclerc 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️
user19 LMAO
lando.jpg
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liked by alex_albon, yourusername, logansargeant and 772 812 others.
lando.jpg never accept an invitation from yourusername for a dinner at her house because there’s a 100% chance she’s gonna burn herself while making you food
view all comments!
oscarpiastri shouldnt have invited YOU
lando.jpg ??? MEAN ???
oscarpiastri dont make fun of my clumsy girlfriend
yourusername when he’s protective ⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡
yourusername i burnt myself while YOU ALL WERE LAUGHING
user20 oscar was laughing too?😭
arthur_leclerc he was glaring at everyone laughing while looking after yn
user21 oscar is the bestest boyfriend possible i need an oscar in my life
user22 yourusername can you fight?
yourusername i have three older brothers, go figure it out
user22 (。•́︿•̀。)
charles_leclerc cant believe they didn’t invite ME and they invited YOU
arthur_leclerc she invited me and enzo LOL
user23 lando.jpg comeback to make fun of oscars gf 😭😭😭
charles_leclerc SHE WAS MY SISTER FIRST
user24 yn is a klutz first human second
oscarpiastri
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liked by pascale_leclerc, nicolepiastri, yourusername and 921 728 others.
oscarpiasti a few things that summer break gave me: a dog (yes, i’m officially a dog dad), relaxing time with my friends n family, a fiancée and lots of headaches due to the clumsiness of my gorgeous fiancée.
view all comments!
yourusername i love youuuuuu
hattiepiastri THIS IS HOW I FIND OUT???
hattiepiastri yourusername YOURE MARRYING MY BROTHER????
hattiepiastri HOW DID THAT HAPPEN??
yourusername i flipped a coin
georgerussell63 it probably hit you in the face too, no?
user25 IMAGINE THE FAMILY GATHERINGS???
user26 hold on is oscar gonna go there as charles’ son or yn’s throphy husband??
user27 the family dynamics must be crazy??? because wdym his girlfriend’s brother ADOPTED him??
oscarpiasti fiancee’s*
user27 oh hes not playing
user28 this gon be soooo awkward at the family dinner
yourusername BURN THE PAPERS charles_leclerc HES MINE NOW
charles_leclerc HE WAS MINE FIRST
nicolepiastri i’m pretty sure he was mine first 🥰
pascale_leclerc now we have to share children nicolepiastri
landonorris love you guys but you shouldn’t have a wedding because with yns abilities she might turn the party into a funeral
mclaren so glad to have yn in the mclaren family! 🧡
user29 engagement this engagement that we KNEW you would tie the knot sooner or later WHAT IS THE DOGS NAME 🗣️🗣️🗣️
oscarpiastri pepper :)
user30 yn and lorenzo both engaged in 2024?? leclerc siblings are going STRONG
lewishamilton congratulations to you guys 💚💚
sebastianvettel lots of love and patience with that one, oscar :)
user31 not the girls not congratulating oscyn… fake friends?
user32 gtfo they prob knew abt it already and congratulated them IN PERSON and not in instagram photo comments
francocolapinto lost my chance 😞😔😭😭😢
user33 LMAOOO??? bro saw her at ONE (1) race and fell in love
user34 honestly cant blame him
user35 pls never media train him
yourusername pls franco never change 🫶
pierregasly pls dont elope i need that free food
yukitsunoda0511 dude youre a MILLIONAIRE?
pierregasly dude gtfo
yukitsunoda0511 if i were them i would elope just to spite you
oscarpiastri dont give yn any ideas pls
yourusername no eloping for us i need my brothers to walk me down the aisle 😁😁😁
georgerussell63 to make sure you don’t trip over the dress?
yourusername youre officially uninvited 👎
user36 SHE WANTS CHARLES ENZO AND ARTHUR WALKING HER DOWN THE AISLE??? OH IM GONNA KILL MYSELF
2K notes · View notes