#please ;-; i can do so much i can function so well in the right environment if you just TELL ME THE PLAN

[caffeinatedopossum]

No one:

Me when the plans change:

[bullywugprincess]

As an autistic person, I think some autistic people (and neurotypicals attempting to be good allies) are sometimes doing more harm than good with how insistent we are that autistic people are as capable of achievements as anyone else.

I’m feeling quite tired right now and writing this first go without thinking too much about how I’m wording it, so please bear with me while I explain how I mean that. Basically I just saw a post of a father saying his son is autistic and has struggled to get a job because of it, but he was a really polite, sweet young man, and because of his personality one employer overlooked his struggles and gave him his first job. The post was him showing pride in his sons hood personality and spirit, and half the comments were autistic people saying it was patronising and “of course he can get a job, autistic people can do normal things and achieve things like everyone else.”

And look. I get it. We’re tired of being treated like children. We’re tired of being the subject of “inspo porn”. We’re tired of people acting like we can’t do things just because we’re autistic. But I think a lot of autistic people who are more well adapted and low-needs (again please excuse my terming, I know we don’t use low functioning/high functioning labels anymore but I don’t know what the alternative is) get offended by people acknowledging that some autistic people DO struggle, whether it’s with making friends or academically or with getting and keeping a job. Statistically speaking 3 in 10 autistic adults are in full time employment, compared to 8 in 10 non-disabled adults. And yeah that statistics probably off because of how many people go through life undiagnosed, but the point still stands. Because of learning difficulties, problems with socialisation or being unable to cope in a work environment due to sensory and other issues, many autistic people are unable to work. I don’t know the situation of the son from the post, but it is clearly something he’s struggled with, and the dad is not being patronising by acknowledging that struggle and praising him for overcoming it. By responding to a post like that by saying “of course autistic people can get jobs��, you are doing what ableists do. You are implying that people who can’t work because of their autism are actually just not trying. You are making autistic people who feel really proud of themselves for getting a job despite the difficulties they face seem stupid for it. And, if you’re not careful, you become someone’s excuse to claim autistic people don’t deserve accommodation or disability allowance/benefits because “they don’t need it, autistic people are perfectly capable of getting jobs.”

Another thing to consider: think about that person who said “you’re autistic? But you don’t behave like my 7 year old nephew? That’s not what autism is.” By saying autistic people can do something because YOU can do it is setting a rigid view of What Autism Is. Which like. We’ve all established is bad.

Again I’d like to apologise for how badly worded and ramble-y this is but autism is a disability, and it effects everyone with it differently. Let’s not diminish other people’s struggles

[howtofightwrite]

I’m gonna be honest, I’m not very good at numbers and visualizing how much power is needed to do something, so I felt it would be good to ask you.

How much force/how strong would a character need to be in order to cut off a hand as quickly as possible? For context, my character in a scene is being infected with a sort of symbiote, and quickly tries to hack it off before infection reaches the brain. It’s also not in an apocalyptic environment, they have access to medical equipment. (that bill is gonna make their pockets cry tho)

This is one of those times when it's about having the right tool, not about the effort. A fire axe should take off their hand pretty efficiently with one quick blow. Now, I'm not sure how well they could do this on their own, or if they'd really need an ally to lop off their hand. I'm pretty sure you could get it done with a machete, though probably not as easily. I'd also wonder about an old-school paper cutter. There's a lot of industrial equipment that will happily lop off an unwanted limb, though, keeping it intact after removal is a different topic entirely.

Surgically reattaching the hand could be a bit of work. Assuming no magical medical technology, replacing the hand isn't a simple process. The original hand needs to be in good condition (and I'm assuming, symbiote free.) You can't fully repair the nerve connections in the severed appendage, so, while there's going to be some use of the hand, it's never going to be back at 100% (again, assuming there's no magical way to regenerate the nerve endings), age is a factor here, children have a better chance of regaining more functionality, but for an adult, it's going to be imperfect at best.

I've never interacted with someone who's undergone replantation, but, from experiences in the past with friends who had suffered nerve damage in their limbs, I'd expect numbness in some parts of the hand (or the entire hand, potentially), and limited manual dexterity. (It's possible some fingers or joints simply wouldn't work anymore.)

Additional surgical procedures may be needed, particularly for nerve grafting and adjusting tendons. In some cases the reattached limb needs to be removed and replaced with a prosthetic due to chronic pain.

Replantation technology will probably improve over into the future. But, at least presently, your character would still have a permanent injury, that impaired the use of that hand from that point forward. It's not a situation where you can glue your hand back on.

-Starke

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[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi. I’m sending this anonymously but if tumblr glitches and it isn’t anonymous please don’t post this because I’m absolutely completely entirely mortified.

I’m 20 FtM. About a year and a half ago, when I moved out and started at college, I discovered fandom, and began to get really into reading fics on AO3. My parents had heavily restricted my internet access growing up, and as new adult I began to discovered the barrage of content online.

Soon enough, I was spending about an hour or two every night reading smut fics. I never thought anything of it, because, well, it’s just words, it’s not *actually* porn, right?

Recently I did start watching some explicit videos but tried to limit myself to only once or twice a month because the shame I felt as well as the strange dissatisfaction just wasn’t worth it.

After doing some research, I found a study that said that watching porn for more than an hour a week was unhealthy. I thought, yeah, okay, fair enough.

Then I realised: does my fanfiction reading count as pornography?

I kept thinking to myself that because it was text it didn’t count, but —does it? Is that the reason that lately I’ve been feeling strangely dissatisfied and empty after reading/watching? Will I feel like this when I eventually have sex?? (still a virgin, mainly for dysphoria reasons)

I found all this stuff online that says porn addictions can screw you over for life, that you can’t find sexual satisfaction with a partner.

Should I cut back?

I don’t normally masturbate while consuming porn. I feel too ashamed. I normally just sit there and read/watch.

Am I a porn addict?????? Should I quit reading smut? Help.

If you can’t tell, I wasn’t raised in a very sex positive environment and I feel very ashamed. I don’t really know who to talk to and I just feel very guilty so I’m resorting to an anonymous ask on Tumblr.

If you read this, thank you for taking the time. I appreciate it.

— Jason

hi Jason,

I don't think you're a porn addict. I think you're probably just an anxious 20 year old from a pretty restrictive background and now that you have a little more freedom you're kind of nervous about it, which is very normal.

I want to be super clear: written porn is porn. porn is any sexually explicit material designed to titillate; it's existed since WAY before the moving picture existed and it will exist long after the internet has crumbled to dust. people like porn! and it's okay to like porn. the text-based stuff is particularly high on the list of porn that's pretty unambiguously fine, morally-speaking, because you never have to worry that the performer you're watching has had their video stolen by pornhub or that, god forbid, anyone onscreen isn't a willing participant, but I want to be super clear that liking sexually explicit photos or videos of real people is also 100% fine.

obviously I have no idea what study you read, but I'd be cautious about any study being boiled down to such black and white, attention-grabbing headlines. you can interpret a study to mean virtually anything if you want to, and there are a lot of interest groups with a vested interest in demonizing porn. if reading smutty fan fic makes you happy and isn't interfering with the rest of your life, you should do that.

unfortunately it sounds like it's not making you happy lately, dissatisfied and empty feelings. in the kindest way possible, I don't think much of that is being caused by the porn itself. it sounds like it's coming from your gnawing worry that you're a porn addict. maybe it's best to take a little step away from porn and smutty fic for a while, if only until you feel able to engage with it without feeling bad.

also, speaking of porn addiction: that's a very dubious condition, and one that's not scientifically or medically recognized. to be certain, people can develop a reliance on porn that disrupts their daily function and can wreak havoc on their lives, but that's true of anything that causes your brain to spit out happy chemicals. anything that become a maladaptive coping mechanism, including and especially things that are fine and even necessary in small doses. sleeping, exercising, and going shopping are all things that can be life-ruining if done to harmful excess, but that doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong if you like to sleep in, go for runs, or browse your favorite online stores every once in a while.

if reading smut isn't causing you to skip out on your more important obligations, fail to take care of yourself, or bringing on bankruptcy, I think you're probably alright. the biggest danger I see here is you beating yourself over the head with your own anxiety about this, which may be a sign that it's a good idea to take a step back for entirely different reasons than you were worried about.

[would-this-pokemon-be-a-friend]

Have you done porygon yet? If not, then please? ^^

[I have not! Here you go!]

Porygons are certainly an unusual case. While this species of pokémon seems to be alive, they are by no means biological organisms, at least in ways that we understand. Let’s jump right into it.

At least as far as size goes, porygons are a solid size for a pet, though they are surprisingly heavy. Usually, however, any pokémon species that gets around by levitation is able to negate most mobility issues in the home so long as they have enough airspace to move around in. In fact, porygons can get around exceptionally (and perhaps too) well. They’re power of flight seems to be boundless, as they are speculated as being able to fly into space (Yellow). Take this with a grain of salt, however, as this pokédex rumor may be referring more to porygons’ abilities to survive in a vacuum (we’ll talk about that more later). Being made entirely of programmable code in a physical form, porygons can travel in a realm we can’t: cyberspace (Red/Blue). Porygons are capable of reverting their physical form back into “program data” in order to do so (Ruby/Sapphire). This is great on one hand, because it will make it much easier to bring your pet with you on trips! Additionally, your faithful friend could help protect your little corner of cyberspace from malicious code (Shield). This ability also means, unfortunately, that it would be rather easy for your porygon to wander off across the internet, never to return. Luckily for you, few porygons have a rebellious streak…

Porygons are… well… predictable. Porygons are reportedly unable to act outside of what they were programmed with when they were created, and said programming seems to be pretty restrictive (Silver, Crystal). So, if you’re looking for a spontaneous pet, you’re looking in the wrong place. It’s unclear in the pokédex data if a porygon’s programming can be easily rewritten to give them a little more personality and autonomy. If you are adopting a porygon, it’s most likely that you are either getting them from a computer scientist who specializes in creating them (unless you are such a scientist yourself) or finding them at a rescue that found them wandering, lost in cyberspace, so there’s a good chance the programming you get is what you get. But hey, I’m not an expert! Porygon science has come a long way in the last thirty-ish years since their invention (Silver, Crystal, Sun). At least, it seems that they were invented thirty-ish years ago? A quite similar creature was observed in what is now the Sinnoh region during its ruler surveying, though it couldn’t possibly have actually been a porygon, could it (Legends: Arceus)?

On the bright side, if we look past the risk of them getting loose in cyberspace, porygons are rather easy to take care of. They don’t even breathe, and it has been speculated that they can function in pretty much any environment (Yellow, Gold). Due to their restrictive programming, most porygons are very even-tempered, which is good given their combat abilities. Porygons’ move pools largely depend on their programming, but they are physically capable of using some pretty dangerous electric-type moves like Thunder Shock, Discharge, and Zap Cannon, which could easily prove deadly depending on the context. An attacking porygon could present a threat to any human, but this factor doesn’t tank their score too bad given their predictable, programmable behavior.

If you are looking to adopt a porygon, it is important to acknowledge that the pokémon you’re adopting, while alive, is not as spontaneous or expressive as many biological species. That being said, so long as you can somehow prevent your little friend from wandering off into cyberspace with some careful firewalls and restrictions, they are quite easy to care for. I think they look pretty charming too, personally.

[flusterfluffwrites]

It's a cold day, or so the biological reasponse of the woman you're bound to seems to indicate. Cold, but not cold enough for the heaters. These life forms confuse you. That is not the problem, though. The problem is that your bond-mate, Doctor Kal'tsit is scheduled for an intensive operation.

Not on her, mind. You would never let her come to harm, and her meticulous self-care regime leaves no room for anything to cause such a need. She would say that her schedule does not permit illness, but you know just as well as she does that it's not her schedule that keeps her in pristine health. No, instead, she is to take up her station in the only area of the landship that you lack clearance for-- the operating theatre.

Armed guards are posted outside, denying you entrance. They aren't there to keep you out, but as your mandibles clack together to plead to return to her side, to take their posts, they shiver and shake. You can do their jobs so much more efficiently and so much less intrusively. You can withdraw into your crystalline prism and be out of the way until you're needed, but alas, the two guards stand between you and your rightful place. Ambient moisture levels rise almost imperceptibly when you push air through the jagged oriface that passes for a mouth in their eyes. Did they think you were a threat? You want to protect her. To guard her. To know she is safe.

She isn't pleased when she emerges from the room, gloved hands covered in viscera. She knows how happy you are to see her, she has to! Why is she angry? "Mon3tr, stop hassling the guards." You're not hassling them! You pout in a way that only she can recognize. The guards tense up, preparing to ready their pathetic weapons. "The surgical theatre is a sterile environment, free of contaminants by necessity. Your very nature would put the patient at risk. Go for a walk or something."

Walk? You don't have legs, at best, you could- "Or float. Or whatever. Patrol the halls if you need to. Just stop harassing the guards. They're enough." She can't read your thoughts. Or quite understand your words, for that matter. Nevertheless, her ability to read your body language continues to please you. At least someone can understand. A resigned chitter, rocks grinding against rocks, seems to only further unsettle the two life forms assigned to protect her for today. It's not for them, though. The sole woman who understands gives a sigh and waves you off as she retreats to the only place you can't reach her. "I'll be out in a few hours, anyway. Just keep yourself busy."

It wasn't a few hours.

It was twenty.

Twenty hours of long, grueling, high-precision work. You can feel her heart rate escalate over time as she ingests her plant-based ichor. She says it helps, but it only ever makes her more irritated. You grumble your deep, earthy growl as a ceramic cup reaches her lips. "Don't lecture me. The paperwork for a failed operation is going to keep me up another hour or two, I need this." It's not going to be two, it will be six. Her entire body is attempting to shut down into a rest cycle to preserve function, and still, she resists her biological needs. Admirable, you think, even if it's foolish.

Your job is to protect Doctor Kal'tsit from all threats. The largest threat to her at this moment is, undoubtedly, herself. Calculations run in your head. The black ichor in her cup is causing harm, and must be disposed of. The most efficient way to render it inert would be the destruction of its vessel, the ceramic that contains it. As you raise your razor-sharp claw, a command comes at once; not from her words, but from her eyes. You are an immortal weapon comprised of a substance that is neigh indestructible by any force known by these biological life forms. For the first time in your very, very long existence, you know fear. Doctor Kal'tsit may not possess the means to destroy you, but in one glance you know that she will do far far worse if you act to preserve her.

You do not. Mess. With Kal'tsit's coffee.

[gigglemeshthegayboi]

A List of Gripes, Misgivings, Nitpicks, and Other Criticisms of the Wilds Beta

With the beta winding down, we should all take the time to really reflect on how much we enjoyed it. Well, of course we enjoyed it. This is Monster Hunter we're talking. But the beta was, well, a beta test. Capcom dropped it to us specifically to test out Wilds, and generate feedback. This is exactly what I have today to, if they somehow see this; feedback. This is a list of gripes, nitpicks, and small misgivings about MH Wilds I have developed from my time with the beta. I would also like to hear the thought of the community at large and how they compare to my own. I played about 20 hours of it from Tuesday until Sunday, but didn't quite get to trying out all of the weapons. I do, however, have notes on most of them. While I adored the beta and am just as hype for Wilds as the next guy, the whole point of a beta is still to generate constructive community feedback. To that end, here's what I have to say:

System:

Right off the bat, sure I'm on PS5, but this game *really* needs better PC optimization. As funny as looking like a PS1 game for some people was, that simply should not be happening to so many people who have purchased a new GPU anytime in the past couple of years.

Can there please be an option to play offline even if your system is online? Thank you very much. 100 player lobbies are cool and all, but if I wanted to play a game with MMO elements like that I would play an actual MMO. It was my biggest gripe with World for most of its lifespan, and I can't help but think it's only gonna get worse with Wilds.

Environment:

I get if it was done the way it was for the sake of demonstration, but the weather shouldn't change nearly as fast as it did in the beta. It coming and going so often made it feel a lot less significant.

Gathering was for the most part cool, but had some really tedious aspects. I like the idea using the grappling hook for it, but I think that putting loot away takes way too long. Also why does zooming in automatically take the Seikret out of sprint? Can I please sprint while focusing aback the birb?

Speaking of items, the item box menu was awful. Why are all the useful functions in their own dinky little menu? Literally just give me Rise item box, or at least add a 1-button shortcut to the loadout and select stack menus.

I also think the equipment menu could be a little better. I think there should be some button that specifically goes to the loadouts menu and one that goes to the armor-by-set menu.

Fishing was way too slow. I know the whole point of fishing is patience, but I shouldn't have to wait two minutes just to catch a single Sushifish. The full game will probably have consumable baits to remedy this, but nonetheless fishing as it stood was truly agonizing.

I wish we knew about how cooking ingredients work. How do we replenish them in the full game? Do we just buy them from that little grocery stand in base camp? Do we earn them for doing optional requests? What's the deal there? Dumping a bunch of them onto us was probably the way to go for the beta, but I'm gonna be hungry for answers until the full release drops.

The pop-up camp system is really cool, I just think it needs some fine tuning. I think that monsters ought to be a little less inclined to attack "Dangerous" camps than they were in the beta, and a little more inclined to attack "Unsafe" camps.

Monsters:

Chatacabra's damage was undertuned. I know it's basically this game's drome, but I'm pretty sure Great Izuchi dealt more damage in the Rise demo than Chatacabra ever did. It only barely felt like a threat in that first quest, and that was mostly because we didn't get to eat beforehand.

Doshaguma's damage, however, was overtuned. Alpha Dosha managed to cart me more times on average than Rey Dau. If Doshaguma is sort of supposed to be the Anjanath to Rey Dau's Rathalos, that just should not be the case. Also, I think it was way too aggressive in its last phase. Felt worse than a 4th gen Furious Rajang in that regard.

Balahara was a weird mix of attacks that did way too much damage and did too little. Generally, the mud attacks were a little too strong, and the biting attacks were a too weak, but that might just be a matter of personal taste. Shouldn't the attacks by its mouth, which is a perma-wound when open, be really dangerous to present some sort of risk-reward?

The fight itself was extremely well tuned--overall the best in the beta--but I wish Rey Dau would actually use area 5 more often. I only ever saw it go up there a couple of times. Maybe make it go up there instead of 9 and 10 during the Plenty?

Weapons:

Focus mode is really cool, but trying to move independently from the camera and hold an attack at the same time is really awkward. Maybe add an option to bind Focus Mode to L3 on controllers?

Greatsword doesn't feel nearly as meaty as I wish it would. Also, what why does Hammer have something with a higher MV than TCS? It's a really cool attack, don't get me wrong, but I just find the idea of TCS being dethroned in that regard irksome. Other than that, both were great. I mained Hammer in World and Greatsword in GU, and they're both probably gonna be up there in Wilds.

Gunlance felt strong. Like it did a wee bit too much damage for once. Maybe slightly reduce the shell damage. That being said, please for the love of god don't touch shell scaling now that, after 5 whole generations, it is finally fixed. Maybe they could, however, remove the wee bit of intrinsic fire from them and change that out for whatever element the Gunlance itself has? Pretty please?

Nothing but praises to sing for Longsword, Lance, and Charge Blade. They knocked it out of the park with these. Maybe a little too much with Longsword in particular.

Also no real notes on the Sword & Shield, Dual Blades, Hunting Horn, or Insect Glaive. I'm not super familiar with these weapons to begin with.

I have no notes whatsoever on any of the ranged weapons. Didn't get around to playing them myself and have never really liked them to begin with. Bow looks cool though.

That leaves Switch Axe. Poor, poor, Switch Axe. The focus attacks are cool. The counter in Sword Mode and the Offset in Axe Mode are cool. Unbridled and Full Release Slash are cool. But why does sword gauge not recharge passively? Why do sword attacks consume so much gauge? Why revert the change from Rise and not let axe mode get phial bursts when amped? Why does Axe Mode feel more like a chore than anything else? Why does the amped state last for so little time? Also why does hitting circle after that one axe combo morph you into sword? Why is morph slash not always an option? Why does trying to input Wild Swing while moving forward do that fuckass running attack? They had a great thing going in Rise, and IMO kinda dumpstered Switch Axe in Wilds from what we've seen.

TL:DR; I hope Capcom does some fine tuning here and there, fixes up the tent menus, makes fishing bearable, and for the love of Gog fixes Switch Axe for Wilds's full release in February. This game is already looking like one of the best 2025 releases, and if they can just tune it a little bit, it might become my single favorite video game ever.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi mbti-notes, I am a INFJ in their late twenties. My purpose for this inquiry is to better understand, on a mbti-function level, why I am feeling emotionally overwhelmed and burnt out.

For additional context: I am currently in a graduate program that I detest—to the point where I’ve had to keep myself from crying at my desk in public. Usually, when I’m dealing with something arduous I can engage in some sort of Ni-led vision of what I want in the future to encourage myself to keep going. But lately I’ve just been so tired of trying to ‘inspire’ myself to keep moving.

On top of this, I feel like I can’t express my disdain for my work life to friends because they either work in the same field (and they enjoy it) or they are going through other issues of their own. In general, I find that people are (reasonably) concerned with their own sources of stress, and I don’t want to bother them about it again unless its serious.

Additionally, I have found it hard to meaningfully engage with such people about their own life. Instead of being attentive and curious about others’ lives, I now feel like I’m always thinking of my own problems. Is this because I am over-exerting myself (Fe) and not reflecting enough (Ni)? If it is a lack of Ni, then why do I feel so tired of trying to work with Ni (please see ’inspiring myself’ sentence earlier in my post)? Thank you so much for reading and considering my long entry—I really appreciate it.

----------------------

There are several factors that can contribute to burnout, so the solution will depend on which factors are most influential in your case. You'll have to reflect on it yourself and tailor the right solution. Possible factors include:

1) You are in poor physical health. Your body can only operate at peak efficiency if you eat well, sleep well, get enough exercise, and moderate stress. If you lack energy due to poor physical health, then you need to develop better physical habits.

2) You are expending more energy than you are generating. Ns often need to be reminded that physical and mental energy are finite resources. There is a limit to how much your mind and body can do every day. Everyone needs rest, relaxation, and recuperation time. This is especially the case for introverts. If your workload is too heavy, find a way to reduce it and/or schedule better. Proper work-life balance is necessary for making sure that you take enough time for yourself to recharge.

3) You are taking on too much. Are your work roles and responsibilities clearly articulated? Are you taking on tasks that don't belong to you or should be done by someone else? It's not uncommon for Js to be controlling and Ns to fear missing out, which means they end up doing more work than they should. If this is the case, you need to learn to manage your workload better by prioritizing, deferring, or delegating tasks more appropriately.

4) You are in a disadvantaged position and don't experience all the advantages of your peers. This can happen for a variety of reasons. For example, you might be experiencing overt or covert exclusion because of being a minority and not fitting in (due to class, race, gender, etc). Another example is that you have lower professional status than others, which you might be able to change through hard work and getting promoted to a higher position. Another example is that you haven't done enough to build professional relationships and aren't reaping those social rewards.

5) Your workplace is toxic. A workplace is experienced as unhealthy when you have unsupportive authority figures to contend with, overly competitive or undermining peers to watch out for, and/or unfair practices that don't reward people based on merit. When the social environment is toxic, you can try to improve the situation, or you can leave if you don't have the power to change anything. When leaving is not an option, try to limit engagement and increase positive engagement elsewhere in your life. The more time you spend in a toxic social environment, the more energy it will drain from you until you have no motivation at all.

6) You lack a healthy support system. You seem to downplay or ignore your own needs, which is a common INFJ issue. Yes, you should be professional when dealing with peers/colleagues in a workplace, so it's understandable that you don't want to be constantly discussing your personal issues with them. However, this raises the important question of why you don't have family or friends outside of school/work to lean on and get support from. It sounds like you're not doing enough to build a community for yourself, which leads to isolation and alienation, and eventually, depression that saps away your energy. Neglecting emotional and social needs means you're not taking care of your mental health and well-being. When you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to attend to others.

7) You lack control and/or confidence. When people don't feel in control or don't feel confident enough to tackle their challenges, they're more likely to waste energy in feeling anxious, preoccupied, distracted, fixated on trivial matters, etc. If this is the case, you may need to be more assertive in: expressing your needs/wants and fulfilling them; organizing your environment to better suit you; clarifying your goals/aspirations; seeking help for improving knowledge and skills that would help you feel more self-confident.

8) You focus too much on the negative and discount the positives. Why is it that two people can work in the same environment but experience it completely differently? Part of it is due to perception. You don't like the work you're doing, so you are full of negative feelings and emotions that then cast everything in a negative light. If this is the case, you need to make more of an effort to recover the positive aspects of the situation. Looking on the bright side involves seeking out and realizing positive possibilities/potential, which should be easy enough with healthy Ni. Positives exist in the present, and you can create them in the decisions you make today. If you're always waiting for happiness to appear in a distant future, chances are, it's not real.

9) Your work doesn't seem to matter or get rewarded. Does this career align with your identity and values? It's hard to feel motivated when you don't believe in your work or others don't recognize your work. Does your work matter? Are there ways your work matters that you're not seeing and appreciating? If others aren't appreciating your work, have you done enough to show it off and keep people informed of your activities?

10) You are on the wrong life path. If you truly believe your work doesn't matter or isn't the right fit for you, why are you still doing it? Why aren't you listening to your own heart? This would constitute going against Ni, which is self-sabotaging. It sounds like you're using Ni-Ti to rationalize. Lying to yourself is only going to make you more and more miserable every time reality slaps you and debunks the lie. While it's true that it's not always easy to change paths, is it really harder than staying on the wrong path forever? I'm not telling you what to do but simply raising the possibility that you haven't done a proper reckoning of the path you've chosen and compared it objectively to the alternative paths that might be better suited to you. Remember that it's not foolish to make a mistake because mistakes are necessary for learning and growth. What's foolish is to deny a mistake and keep suffering from it for the rest of your life.

[kit-the-dreamer]

♧ LittleBigMovie ♧

°.• The Plane of Wonders •.°

(I'll change the image to something more original later ;w;)

It is here!!!

The LittleBIGPlanet Movie Project is officially here!!!

•.°•.° ♤ °.•°.•

• What am I talking about?

During the last few days, the idea of making a LBP Movie hasn't abandoned my mind (Post 1, Post 2). However, being fully aware that doing it on my own is something basically imposible, I decided to call the Fandom/Community to achieve it. That way, the project will be more meaningful since we'll unite to make our collective dream true!

• Can I join even if I have no experience nor talent?

Who said something about experience or talent? Who needs that when we have dreams to achieve. Experience, I think no one here really has it (regardings the topic of movie making I mean), and about talent, I personally believe more in hard work than talent itself. So yeah, you can definitely join! A helping hand is always needed, wether it be something small or big, from mere ideas and themes to the animation itself, it's up to what you feel comfortable doing here!

• How is it being developed?

Status Update (21/02/2023): We currently have some ideas of how the story could progress, along with some character ideas and arcs. However, the details of each scene and such are still in discussion, but the general idea of the plot is pretty much stablished. We have voicecall meetings every now and then (which are announced with lots of anticipation) to discuss our ideas put in various Google Documents we have created for each purpose, so we can get to an agreement and move on.

If you want to be part of the brainstorming process but don't want to join the Discord Server, it's alright! Don't doubt joining the Jamboard (click here for more info. about it) to let us know what ideas could be introduced in the movie. I can't promise that they'll be featured, but could probably inspire us as well to come up with more ideas, so don't be scared to let us know your thoughts!

Join the Jamboard! ⇝ https://jamboard.google.com/d/11SvE3aRxIhm0N21to5eUcZWpMjrmYa8c_WvoOjYzTRQ/edit?usp=sharing

• Where can I join the Server?

Right here! First we'll start slowly, familiarizing ourselves with the environment as we wait for more people to join. Today (June 3, 2023) we won't exactly work on anything, but the channels for chilling and brainstorming ideas and themes are open to chat. Once people actually join (and we have a decent amount of them around) we'll be able to officially start organizing some stuff for real. I hope this isn't an inconvenience for anyone... I'll see you around!

• Any questions?

Drop them by on the comment section below!

•.°•.° ♤ °.•°.•

To end this post,

Please spread the word among the Fandom, Dreamers, and let everyone know that we're about to make LBP history!

•.°•.° ♤ °.•°.•

When I read/hear this quote, I can't help but think of this project. Might as well leave it here for all to see:

"One can gaze upon something and see the wonder in it. Two can gaze together, and share that wonder. We are forever imitating sparks of imagination. So, let's spark together. In every mind, is a piece of code that operates our creative functions. It forms a conduit, called the cerebrumbilical cord that extends to the farthest reaches of imagination. So let's build. Together, we can push back the boundaries until they are a mere speck on the stellar horizon. Lets fly! Lets put our minds together and create. Everyone on this orb of dreamers contributes ideas. They ascend the cerebrumbilical cord to congregate in the Imagisphere: the natural home of our creative wanderings. So join us, for you have always been, and always will be most welcome...In LittleBigPlanet."

— Stephen Fry, LittleBigPlanet 3 introduction narration

[thepro-lifemovement]

I would be interested in where you got your 95% of biologists agree from...

There is no definition of life, by the general checklist, fire is alive.

And if you mean by single cell organisms as life again this is disputed by the fact that many don't consider viruses to be alive. By the same logic cancer cells is also alive, as are many veg we eat, I assume you wouldn't embrace that?

I would also question where your pro life stance extends to all life or just unborn human life.

It's your choice to be anti abortion, that is your choice, but don't peddle inaccuracies. Abortions save lives. And please don't pretend you are prolife unless you care for all life, bugs, spiders... humans are the largest cause of extinction, I would assume you are anti human?

I dont mean to come off aggressive, I know how it will read, but this stance causes harm beyond your own experience, I'm sure of that else your view would be more sympathetic, and you language would be better aligned to your message.

You have the right to choose to not have an abortion, don't push for the loss of choice of others please, because that's ultimately all we have here on Earth, choice.

Don't try to take away choice, because what goes around comes around. Obviously you can choose to ignore me. But please consider it.

I would be happy to talk more if you wish.

Alex

Hello there.

I got the data from here:

And there is a definition on life. There are criteria that must be met for something to be considered "alive" for living organisms.

All living organisms share several key characteristics or functions: order, sensitivity or response to the environment, reproduction, growth and development, regulation, homeostasis, and energy processing.

If you would like an in-depth explanation for why an unborn child is considered a living human organism as early as the zygote stage, it is explained very well here:

My pro-life stand extends to all human life. I view all human life as valuable and believe no one, not even the government, has the right to take your life away from you. Abortion does not save lives. Women do not need abortion. Whenever you look into the reasons women die during pregnancy, those problems are not treated with abortion. They're usually resolved with early delivery of the baby. I am against elective abortion. Meaning I am against procedures that intend to end the life of the unborn child.

You do not understand what it means to be "pro-life." I do care about the ecosystem, but I value human beings more than plants or animals. That does not mean that I don't value plants or animals.

I think the pro-life view is more sympathetic than the pro-abortion or pro-choice one because we actually care about mothers and their families. We care about what happens to women and their children. We have organizations and facilities that support women through their pregnancy and motherhood. We advocate for mothers and their children. That's something I feel is lacking in the pro-choice movement because all I see them really caring about is access to abortion, even when it allows women to continue being sex trafficked and allows abortion facilities to get away with failing to report it. Women deserve better health care. We deserve so much better than abortion. As a women, I have already experienced discrimination with OBGYNs and doctors when it comes to my reproductive health. My family have experienced discrimination from doctors this year when it came to their pregnancy complications. Doctors do not take our concerns seriously and that is a huge issue we need to address and fix.

Choices are generally good, until it becomes someone else's duty to die. Your choice to abuse or harm someone is not good and I am allowed to fight against that. I would hope you would agree with that. We cannot just allow people to get away with intentionally harming or killing people because "it's their choice, it's their life." Every human being has the right to life, and that is the most important right that we have. It trumps all other rights. Without this right, we have nothing. And no one has the right to intentionally take the life of another human being.

-Sarah

[twistedwonderlandobsession]

Hi! I was really interested in this post and I thought that I’d try it! 

My ingame name is Flick, she/they, I’m b-day twins with Leona, and I’m 15 going on 16 soon! (So no staff matches, please!)

I’m an introvert, and I’m on the spectrum. Probably ADHD or OCD? I’m still on the waiting list for a psych evaluation. I tend to overshare and get defensive easily.

I can’t stand clutter. If I’m in a messy environment I can’t function. I’m only productive if I need to do something I’m interested in. My lifestyle is based on my mood, so it fluctuates a lot. I consider myself to have pretty intense mood swings.

I like sunshine, grape juice, graphic novels, writing, drawing and cats. I dislike bugs, clutter, my siblings, hot weather and alarm clocks.

I’m homeschooled b/c my experience in public school wasn’t good. I hyperfixate on things. The current object of my obsession is Twisted Wonderland.

When in a good environment, I perform very well academically. I enjoy being physical (like in P.E.), but haven’t recently.

My life is kind of in a slump right now. My mental health is high, and I’ve been working on improving myself, but I haven’t gotten anywhere with social or physical health.

I’m hoping to change that soon and get out of my comfort zone. I want to have friends and be able to not get flustered or freak out around people. That’s a big goal of mine.

I think I’m a little like Rook, but I only focus on the beauty in art. Not people or architecture, just art. I feel happiest when I find a graphic novel that boasts the art style I admire.

Okay, sorry if that was too long! Thank you so much for looking at this, I look forward to seeing who I’ll match with! (Please do platonic and romantic!)

I match you with Kalim Al-Asim

(platonic)

The First Impression:

As soon as Kalim accidently made eye contact with you one time in the hall he was immediately attached to your side. Determined to be your friend.

The Relationship:

No matter how much you "overshare" kalim was right next to you eagerly listening to each word like a podcast....he may not remember all of it but he tries! No matter how defensive you become this clueless ball of sunshine was never taking any of it personally and always tried to make you more comfortable with him. Honestly it's hard to tell if he is extremely patient with your mood swings or just dosen't notice them.

Any intrests of yours are always fascinating to him, and as soon as you mention any Hobbie Jamil is physically holding him back from spending hundreds of thousands on supplies so he can join your fun. Though after Jamil is done wrestling him feel free to talk his ear off about your current hyperfixation. He is eagerly listening while nodding.

Being homeschooled and a bit deprived of social interaction was something both of you had experienced when younger and while kalim may refuse to feel negativity about this experience burying his emotions deep deep down it dose give him something to relate to you about.

Knowing that you love sunshine he always would try to get you to hang out at a park or eat outside with him, but would always avoid Scarabia or any hot and humid places prioritizing your comfort above all else.

As soon as he head you mention once in passing that you wanted to get out a bit more and make more friends this boy was all over it, dragging you around and introducing you to everyone he knew, constantly encouraging you to step out out your comfort zone.

He means well just put your hand on his shoulder and tell him to slow down a little.

I match you with Jade Leech

(Romantic)

The First Impression:

Jade was intrigued by you, or rather more specifically your tendencies. Granted, that they were nothing too outlandish but nonetheless the variety of emotions, reactions, tendencies and appearance mixed together at times could be quit the contradiction and always made his eyes linger on you whenever near

Why He Fell:

Honestly no one knows why Jade fell, perhaps not even Jade himself. Granted even if the Leech twin did happen to know it was very unlikely that he would tell you. Though over time it became clear how he would subtly glance around the room, or how he would casually inch twords you, even getting to the point where he would randomly muse to himself about whatever had your focus raising his voice ever so slightly louder than usual or interject in your conversations. Soon this turned into light touches such as picking a leaf off your uniform or brushing your hair out of your face, which became bolder casually grabbing your arm or shoulder to steer you eventually morphing into him putting a arm around your shoulders or resting his chin atop your head.

The Relationship:

When you did begin dating the closer you got the more that it was clear that Jade was in no way the more reasonable twin, he just happened to be more composed and less upfront than Floyd was. This was made clear the more time you spent with him being just as chaotic as his brother, having a tendency to hang around whatever he had deemed amusing.

Being that he has a rather moody brother himself the male delt with your mood swings quite well, even if they were particularly bad at times he always managed to take whatever you threw at him with an amused smile already being adjusted to have to live with a rather unpredictable and moody person since birth.

He was eerily good at picking up on your mood, interests, and current hyperfixations. Always knowing just where the line was and making sure to never cross it. Despite his surprisingly teasing nature at times that to some may come off as intimidating and everything in-between your relationship was built off of a mutual respect for one another's boundaries and care for eachothers needs.

It was good for him that he noticed how much you loved the sun and enjoyed being active, using this information to his advantage he began taking you on hikes with him. After a while of this happening he happening to note you tended to have more energy the day after and seemed to be more positive and productive causing him to make these hikes a annual thing making sure you have them at least once a week if not more.

As soon as you accepted Jade Leech as your partner that was it, there was not getting rid of him. There was no way he was letting you go over trivial fights and such like most relationships downfall. As far as he was concerned he was just waiting for the time to pass till he could legally make you his life partner. Though despite this he never stopped working on maintaining your relationship and keeping clear communication about the important things so that one day he will be able to get a ring on that finger. Though until then he'll just enjoy the ride.

[seeminglydeathlessredshirt]

Ramblings on Transistor

Didn't expect to be back so soon, but here we are.

So, after the last travesty, I needed something to help wash away the stink. Happened upon a short game I had sitting in my library that I'd heard good things about, so I took a look at it.

Safe to say, Transistor has absolutely blown me away. It's one of the best things I've played this year, and we're talking about a year where I've played both Prey 2017 and Signalis for the first time.

This is going to be a bit shorter than the last because there's only so many ways I can say "this game is incredible," but here goes. As usual, you start with a fairly basic toolset. I thought "oh, these are going to be the starter abilities that I'm going to discard after getting something interesting," and then Transistor revealed its hand. The fact that not only do you get around a dozen abilities over the course of the game, but they can also give every other program(this game's name for your abilities) new functionalities, and that you can also put them in a special slot to provide a passive boost means you have one of the most versatile loadouts I've seen in a video game. There are so many combinations to try out, and a considerable chunk of those are going to be viable. Don't be afraid of sticking to one combination, branch out a bit! Hell, the game pushes you in this direction by ensuring you have to put a program in all three types of slot(active ability, upgrade, and passive) in order to unlock all the lore, as well as by temporarily disabling one randomly chosen active program every time your health gets depleted(effectively giving you four lives, at the cost of needing to take a different loadout for the next fight.) For those of you who like playing risky and taking gambles, you'll be right at home here.

The game is no slouch in the other departments too. Not much of a comment on the music this time around. Come on, it's Supergiant, no shit the music is great. I found the aesthetic of the game really pleasing, it's sort of this mix of cyberpunk and art deco designs and it all meshes together beautifully. Environments feel vibrant and satisfying to look at, it's almost as if they were designed in-universe to be perfect, which brings me to the story. It's probably the weakest part of this game, but that doesn't mean it was phoned in. There's a persistent theme of change on several levels. The city itself is constantly being transformed based on the whims of people, several people in the events of the game transform from physical to digital form, and a good portion of the plot involved trying to stop the transformation of the city into something else.

Despite the significance of what's going on, everyone involved seems to take an almost disinterested tone on what's going on. It creates this almost surreal dissonance that I can't say for certain whether or not I actually like. Regardless, it doesn't overstay its welcome and gets the job done. Fair warning though, the story does involve the use of suicide in a major plot beat, so if that's a topic you struggle with, please tread carefully.

Overall, this is an incredible game that I'd wholeheartedly recommend. There's nothing I'd say is genuinely bad about this game.

It'll be a while until the next one.

[daphdarling]

id like a haikyuu personality matchup please! i’m a trans person (he/him) with a preference for men. i have dark brown eyes and darker hair, and light olive skin covered in darker scars. i have a bad habit of picking at my skin (dermatillomania), so most of them are on my face or arms. it’s not uncommon to see me with bandages on. i also have *horrible* nearsightedness, so i wear glasses. i also prefer people taller than me (5'3)

i’d like to think i’m a pretty cut and dry person; what you see is what you get. i tend to be very open (sometimes uncomfortably so) and try to foster an environment where people can be open with me in turn. communication is *very* important to me. i value honesty and transparency a lot, and often feel betrayed when i find out something has been hidden from me. despite this, i trust quite easily, a bit naive in giving people the benefit of the doubt. monotone people can make me feel nervous as i can’t get as good of a read on them.

one of my biggest passions is creating. i’ve been drawing and writing since a very young age, and i take great pride in my work. it’s something i’m actually confident in, because i know what i’m talking about when it comes to art. i generally find my inspiration in people, usually drawing or drawing for those i care about. i’m very much a gift giver in a relationship, even if i don’t have much money to spare, so i make things instead. art, poems, songwriting. if it’s creative, i’ll do it.

romantically, i’m a huge tease, though i often can’t take what i dish out haha. i’m the type to relish in someone’s flusteredness, only to find myself stumbling over my words when they reciprocate. i’m clingy, cringy, and very unapologetic about it. space is important to me (as i can be suffocating at times and need to regulate myself), but i love spending time with those close to me. quality time is HUGE for me, as being with loved ones can be like recharging. i’m also big on words of affirmation, as reassurance is something i constantly crave from others, and i’m very verbally affectionate.

i’ve struggled with my mental health since i was very young (untreated audhd, and later bpd) but have managed to push through. i still have my off days, and off my meds everything feels a lot more extreme and black and white. my emotions are sensitive at best, and unstable at worst. i love hard and mourn harder.

i'm a taurus sun, aries moon, virgo rising. im an ENFP (going by carl jung cognitive functions, not myers-briggs!) my favorite color is yellow, but i have a lot of green stuff because i love frogs. my favorite kind are ghost glass frogs! also cats i love cats especially calico cats! people with cat personalities >>> i am the dog to my ideal match's cat (or vice versa ive been told im like a ginger cat lol)

YOUR MATCHUP IS…

TADASHI YAMAGUCHI!!!

Personality Match:

Yamaguchi is empathetic, supportive, and values communication—qualities that align well with your open and straightforward nature. His sensitivity allows him to understand your feelings, making him a good match for your emotional depth.

Romantic Connection:

Yamaguchi is known for being shy but grows more confident with the right person. His gentle teasing and appreciation for creativity would resonate with your playful teasing nature. He’s the type to appreciate the little things, which fits your love for giving handmade gifts.

Hobbies and Activities:

Yamaguchi enjoys playing volleyball and spending time with friends, which complements your need for quality time. He’d likely be supportive of your artistic endeavors, perhaps even inspired by your work to create his own projects, blending both your passions.

Looks and Vibes:

Yamaguchi has a warm demeanor and a kind smile, which would complement your light olive skin and darker hair. His slightly taller height and laid-back style create a comfortable atmosphere, making it easy for you to feel at ease together.

Final Thoughts:

Yamaguchi’s understanding nature and willingness to grow align well with your values of honesty and communication. He’s someone who would appreciate your artistic side while providing the reassurance and emotional support you crave. Together, you’d create a nurturing and loving relationship that allows both of you to thrive.

[springcatalyst]

WIPs Storm, Port, Morning please Beloved?

yippeeeee thank you Mine Beloved

Storm

Storm- shockingly- takes place in a storm, on the sea. It's all wind and rain and motion and there's an understanding that there is danger, but because it's Julian, he doesn't lend it much thought or care. It's mostly to get the sense of how this crew- a new one to him, now- functions, and does it remarkably well. It's also to begin the point where Heiti starts to Do Shit and Cause Problems (subtly, at first).

The belly of the ship, while cold and grumbling in its own right, was an insulation from the barrage of the elements that could only be truly appreciated once the cocoon was removed.  Julian was soaked through the moment the wind first hit him, straight from bone-dry to dripping with rain with no space between the two.  Droplets stung like wasps, like needles, the speed of the wind, untamed by land, whipping water from air and sea alike to barrage anything it hit before bleeding back into the ocean.  The ship, the crew- they were just obstacles to the inevitable conclusion.  Everything ended up in the sea.

The second half, the half I have very little written of, is after the storm passes, more silent haunting of the ship's halls because I like that shit and it's a good way to get character beats.

He wandered, for a time, but the ache in his leg, as he’d known it would, had worsened with the strain of the storm, so he quickly resigned to sitting on the stairway that led to the deck, listening to the creak of the wood as it twisted in protest of the waves.  He ran the heel of his palm over his left thigh, applying a rough pressure to the bone deep beneath.  It did not alleviate the pain, rather, it sharpened it.  He’d long since found this was preferable to that low, emanating ache; unchanging, unyielding, unalterable. 

Port

Port is like Opening Scene type shit. It's basically introduction to Julian As A Character and also to Singh- the captain of a ship (he sucks. it's sucks). It's kind of clunky because of how exposition it is,,, we'll see how much can be edited to fix and how much I need to just live with.

“What happened to him?” 

It was a question than danced between needless and essential.  There are countless ways a ship may lose a sailor, many of them lethal, but only a few that indicated the competency of the ship as a unit, or of the captain.  Sailors fall from the warm body of the ship like scales from the back of a dragon, naturally, harmlessly.  But too many, or too often, or bearing something dark and wounded, and those scales suggest something rotten in the creature that will, eventually, take the whole beast down.

He simply said, “You know how it is on the sea.”

His answer danced the same steps.  Ambiguity is a tool for liars and secret-keepers.

The gist of Port is Julian respects this guy. He sees this man who commands a room and pays no mind to anything but himself and doesn't give a shit and says Yeah That's It That's What I Want. He knows something about Singh tells him to be wary, but doesn't care enough to heed warning because he envies him, and thinks joining his crew will grant him something similiar.

Morning

Also very early in chronology, but this time it's Reiji! This is like. Milo and Reiji figuring each other out a lil. It's Reiji's perspective, which means he actively and purposefully tries to understand things he doesn't immediately.

In teaching him Solan, Reiji’s mother had told him that language makes the world larger.  If that were true, then so should be the opposite: that losing it shrinks the world.  But that doesn’t seem correct, either.  Rather, both occur at once- in lacking the ability to speak with those around you, the environment swells to an untraversable size, the edges far from sight, and so instead you stay huddled alone in the center, waiting to be squashed like an ant. 

Milo is new in a way Reiji is unfamiliar with, and vice-versa. But while Reiji is new to Milo, new people in general is not new to him, so he's just enjoying the company. Reiji doesn't quite know what to make of it, yet.

WIP tag game

[mysteryshoptls]

SR Jade Leech Beans Camo Personal Story: Part 1

"This should be of some help"

Part 1 (Part 2)

[Beside Mister S's Mystery Shop]

Jade: Oh no, I seem to have become separated from Cater-san, [Yuu]-san, and Grim-kun.

Jade: I would not have anticipated that our meeting location would be overrun by those on the Monster team in the short while we needed to split up…

Jade: Well, I suppose it should have been expected, so there is nothing to do about it.

Jade: If I feel as such, I do have the means of reuniting with them, anyway. I suppose I'll continue on my own for a little while longer.

Jade: In any case, it was in my favor that I ended up separated from my team.

Jade: I was able to acquire the "loot"… the "icicle mushroom" without any issues.

Jade: I shall bring this mushroom to where "Smith"-san is. Fufufufufu…

[Mister S's Mystery Shop]

Sam: ＨＥＹ! Welcome, Little Imp.

Jade: Hello, Sam-san.

Sam: Anything you may want is ＩＮ　ＳＴＯＣＫ　ＮＯＷ! What would you like?

Jade: "You're completely ＯＵＴ　ＯＦ　ＳＴＯＣＫ of exactly what I would like!"

Sam: Oho!? "That's not possible."

Jade: "But I can't find it at all."

Sam/Jade: "Today's the very best Happy Beans Day!"

Sam: ＯＫ! You got the password perfectly. You're here for "Smith," then.

Sam: Alright, Little Imp, come stand by the wall behind the counter. ―Open, secret door!!

[secret door slides open]

Sam: Smith-kun, come on out. You're being requested!

???: Eeek…!!!!

Jade: It's Jade from Octavinelle. Smith-san… Or rather, Idia-san. May we chat a moment?

Idia: Y-You know that I'm Smith…?

Jade: Indeed. Thanks to a source of mine.

Jade: As well as the fact that you have available your own bean shooter creations at this school shop year after year.

Jade: Isn't that right, Sam-san?

Sam: That's right. In return for providing a hiding spot for Idia-kun in this shop, that is!

Idia: I have absolutely no interest in an event more meat-headed than a magical shift tournament where the whole student body runs around campus.

Idia: I-I'm happy to just wait here until they call game end.

Jade: Fufu… And nowhere is it established that one cannot craft their own bean shooters…

Jade: It is a masterful way of playing the game, by skirting the rules. I must also try to learn from your wiles.

Jade: Incidentally, what kind of performance should I expect from the item that you've crated, Smith-san?

Idia: U-Uhh… Th-This year's new item is the Bean Shooter L.

Idia: It boasts an overwhelmingly effective shot distance, and can pinpoint a target with a bean from 1 kilometer away.

Idia: I used light-weight material for it, so it makes it easier to carry around. And above all, it really looks like a peapod.

Idia: …Or, uh, something like that…

Jade: As expected of a "Master Smith", creating a long-range bean shooter like this…

Jade: This is exactly the functionality I was searching for.

Sam: However, this amazing item cannot be bought with money, you understand…

Jade: Quite right, I am aware. An exchange of goods… Or more specifically, an exchange of an unusual item that would draw Sam-san's interest, yes?

Sam: Ｅｘａｃｔｌｙ! If you already know, then this'll go much faster. Let us approach the negotiating table.

Sam: Now, Little Imp! What will you offer me?

Jade: Please... Take a look at this.

Sam: !!

Idia: Wh-what's with this transparent and slick looking mushroom…?

Sam: That transparency, those icicles that hang from the gills that resemble fierce fangs… This cannot be anything other than an "icicle mushroom"!

Sam: It's a rare mycelium that only grows in places with a strong magical environment, at least at 3,000 meters above sea level!

Idia: W-Woah… A rare item that can even shock and amazing Sam-san. Jade-shi is playing for keeps.

Sam: Little Imp, where did you get this?

Jade: I borrowed a small corner of the Botanical Garden, and I painstakingly grew it.

Jade: This mushroom is "out of stock" in your shop, is it not, Sam-san?

Jade: Would this allow me to receive the Bean Shooter L…?

Sam: Ｏｆ　ｃｏｕｒｓｅ! I'll gladly honor this exchange of goods.

Jade: Wonderful. With this, I should be of some help to the Farmer Team.

[footsteps approaching]

Jade: Hm? Is that footsteps I hear from outside the shop?

Idia: Aughgugh! Someone's coming towards my hiding spot again…!

Jade: Those hurried steps… I've definitely heard those before.

Jade: Our guests seem to be part of the Monster Team. And a troublesome one, at that… I must hide myself away somewhere.

Idia: M-M-Me too…!

Jade: Where would I be least likely to be found…?

Jade: Sam-san, may I borrow the space here?

Sam: ! Sure, but are you going to be alright in a place like that?

Jade: Yes, someone like me would be perfectly alright.

Sam: Ｈｍｍ… You're a smart Little Imp. ＯＫ, go ahead and use it.

Sam: And I'll head to the back of the shop and bring the Bean Shooter out.

Jade: Fufufu. I'm sure I should be able to evade them by hiding in here. Now, it is a tad tight in here, but I'll have to close the door, and…

[door creaks and closes]

[footsteps; shop door slams open]

Azul: Come on out, Jade! I know you are in here!

Part 1 (Part 2)

Requested by @bindzahato.

[bevswashere]

Koi No Yokan

Chapter 22: The Last Party

warning: chapter contains sexual content, read at your own discretion.

April 2006 3 Weeks Later.

"Do you, "I peek into the room, voice meek, "Think you could help me get ready?" At her desk, Mariko is curling her hair on a hot iron. When she looks at me, we're both keenly aware we haven't spoken since Fushiguro Toji's attack. None of us have been speaking to each other much these days. "I don't really know how to fix myself for these sorts of things."

"Sure." She gets up from her seat. "Sit down."

The feeling of her fingers combing through my hair, the makeup she faintly brushes across my cheek, the thought of a party entirely, it all draws me towards sleep.

"What are you going to wear?"

"The dress you bought me."

"The black one?"

"It's the only dress I have."

She laughs faintly, "Gojo-san will lose his mind."

I rub the hems of my shirt aggressively, feeling the friction burn the pads of my fingers. "I doubt he cares." He can hardly think of anything these days besides training, working on his—"our" he mistakenly calls it—newfound power.

"I'm sure he will."

My fingers stop, balling my shirt up into tight fists. "I'm sorry."

"Huh?"

"For what I said before." I lower my head in shame. To think I nearly died and that would have been our last conversation. A pointless argument over strength that doesn't matter. "It was uncalled for. I'm so sorry."

"It's fine. You weren't wrong, technically. I'm not like you, I'll probably be a semi-first grade at best. Nobody would notice if I disappeared."

My chin draws up immediately, grabbing Mariko's hands before their next move. "I would care. More than you know."

"I'm not angry," she squeezes back and smiles, "Tonight is a celebration, for you and the boys, you should let yourself enjoy it."

What are we celebrating, really? The promotion of three special grades who couldn't even save one kid? Who walked around like arrogant brats, acting like they couldn't fail. What am I doing, dressing myself up as if something good has happened?

"Smile," Mariko nudges me as we travel down the stairs, step by slow step. Her arm is interlaced with mine should I stumble from the uncomfortably high shoes, and even higher skirt of my dress. We arrive inside of the function hall, and immediately I feel like a caged animal on display. "Smile, Kaede," she tells me again. "You look so pretty right now."

The corners of my mouth are forced upward, pretending for every principal, teacher, student, and other Jujutsu from both Tokyo and Kyoto who bothered to show up. They try to be inconspicuous with their glances, but I still notice. "Uematsu Kaede," they're probably thinking. "The girl who failed horrifically at being the strongest. The girl who killed the Star Plasma Vessel, who killed her own family."

The room's decorated in golden streamers and balloons, an entire wall lined in luxurious platters of food. All the guests are wearing formal attire, sparkling jewelry. So many shiny things to cover up reality.

Deep within the gathering, dressed in neat suits and ties, I spot the only two who can make a night like this bearable. They're not looking at me, though. They're rather captivated by whoever is standing between them, back draped in a thick sheet of silky, golden hair. A shapely red dress hugs her body, one that doesn't seem to make her uncomfortable as mine does. She's smiling a great deal, laughing earnestly. This environment makes her glow. Satoru sees that too, watching her intently, laughing along.

A pair of hands land on my shoulders. I hadn't realized they were tense, until they lowered beneath his touch. Whispering into my ear, Shigeri's voice is unmistakable, "Well, if it isn't the woman of the night?"

I hadn't realized Mariko left my side to join Haibara and Nanami either. "Please don't call me that."

"Why not?" He circles round into my view, hair slicked back, adorned in black from head to toe. The light expression on his face is incredibly refreshing, the emerald of his eyes perfectly unfamiliar. It doesn't force my mind to wander to faces of the past.

At first, he hesitates, "How are you doing?"

"Everything feels different."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"I don't know yet, but," I look past him to the trio in the corner, "I never wanted them to understand that sort of feeling."

"You can't avoid losing people with this job," he says diplomatically. "They were bound to experience that eventually."

"And we're celebrating it."

"I admit the timing is hardly ideal, but we're congratulating three special grades, all under the age of seventeen. It's an incredible feat."

Unknowingly, my eyes travel to them once more. The way they smile and laugh with this woman. Shigeri follows my gaze, then scratches the back of his neck, "Ah, sorry. To be honest, Kei-chan and I worked out a plan before we got here to divide and conquer."

Kei. I remember her now. The vicious second year with the burning thread. However, the former demeanor seems to be reserved for fighting, all things considered. "'Divide and conquer'?"

"I wanted to have some uninterrupted time with you, and since Kei has had her own thing for Gojo-san—"

"She likes Satoru?"

"Well, yes. She's had her eye on him ever since the exchange event last year."

I glance at them again, and suddenly I feel as if I'm burning up. She was the only Kyoto student he brought up during the exchange event. Does he notice how stunning she is? Share feelings of any kind for her? Is there something more to his constant hesitation than a matter of strength? My heart finds its new home in the pit of my stomach, pouding uncontrollably.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine," I answer too defensively. "Taken aback, is all."

Shigeri watches me for a few seconds longer, eyes carefully scanning my face. Finally, he lets out a sigh, "I was hoping it wasn't true, but I think I understand now."

"Understand what?"

"I thought tonight might be right to finally ask how you feel about me. My family always said I'm too soft, too worried about my feelings. Maybe if I were stronger."

"What are you talking about? You're plenty strong."

"But I'm not the strongest, am I?" He remains kindly earnest. "That's something you two alone will ever understand, it makes sense to stick together."

Like a deer caught in headlights, I'm frozen, lost for words until I say in a weak effort, "I don't love people only because they're strong."

"But you do love him."

I don't answer. I'm not supposed to. He's not asking, he's reasoning out the obvious, whether for himself or me. "How can you be so gracious about this?"

"Regardless of my feelings, I've always wanted us to get along," he says. "I see how you love hard, how your heart stays pure even when darkness is trying to swallow it. Those are the most respectable things to see in a person, much less a Jujutsu sorcerer." Shigeri leans in and kisses my forehead. Tender, but parting nonetheless. "Don't worry about me. You should do what makes you happy."

Then he walks away, and my view of Satoru becomes clear. Satoru, who is staring back at me now. Satoru, who I avoid for the next couple hours of the party, busying myself with an unsavory dinner, meaningless conversation, and Mariko's supportive arm. Satoru, who owes me nothing, and is free to speak to Kei or any other woman he pleases. Satoru, who has constantly used strength as an excuse to deny my feelings. Strength I don't even want anymore, but am forced to keep, that I've grown to loathe in such a short span of time.

I begin to loathe the party as well—more than I did originally. The gold embellished walls feel as if they're closing in on me, the small amount of food in my stomach sours.

Eventually I have to leave, and escape the suffocating crowd. I hide away in my room, immediately discarding the painful shoes and stabbing pins in my hair. I take a deep, long breath, but none of the pressure is released.

My door swings open. Satoru has followed me. "What's wrong?"

I pretend. "Nothing."

"Why did you leave?"

I speak casually, "I realized I'm not in the mood for a party."

"Okay." He welcomes himself in, the heavy waves of his cursed energy rippling through the room. After nearly a month, I still haven't adjusted to it. "Are we staying here or in my room?"

"You're staying with me?"

"Is that a problem?"

"No."

He continues making himself comfortable, removing the shoes and jacket of his suit. He untucks his shirt and loosens the tie. I find him prettier in this state, adore him even. So much so, that I feel the clamping ache around my heart.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Warm fingers slip beneath the fabric of a dress strap I was unaware had fallen, slowly dragging it back up to my collar. His touch is warm, euphoric, torturous. "You look like you're going to be sick."

"I guess I feel a little weird."

Satoru's fingers leave my skin, and the air replacing them is alarmingly cold. He's pouting, trying to study me. Then he laughs, "Maybe it's the dress."

"What's wrong with my dress?"

"It isn't very you, is it?"

"You don't like it?"

"That's not what I said."

"What were you trying to say?"

"That maybe you're acting so weird because you don't like the very pretty dress you're wearing." He takes a seat on my bed, falling back completely into the mattress. "Didn't you say you hate them?"

"Mariko said you would like it."

"Who cares if I like your dress? Wear whatever you want."

I sit down next to him on the bed, hands pathetically tucked between my bare legs. He's right, I do hate dresses. "I still want you to like my dress."

"I like your dress. You're reading into this too much."

I know that. I know he's given me plenty of reason to believe he feels the same, and he doesn't like Kei or anyone else, and everything is fine. I'm fine.

Still, everything in this world has been, and continues to slip out of my grasp. There's nothing I want to hold onto more than him, but the truth of the matter is he doesn't need me anymore, not really. Satoru's powerful and centered on his own now, achieved the thing he wanted most, and I should feel incredibly happy about this, but I don't, I'm scared. Why can't he need me to hold his hand through life, the way I need him to?

He sits up. "Seriously, are you going to throw up or something?"

"You should go back down to the party."

"Why would I do that?"

"It seemed like you were having a good time," I say. "With Suguru and Kei-san. You shouldn't let me ruin that."

"Who's Kei?"

I observe the innocent perplexion on his face. "The girl you were talking to earlier. She obviously likes you."

"Is that why you're upset?" He grows impatient. "Because that blonde from Kyoto likes me?"

"I don't care if she likes you or not."

"Just like you didn't care about Mei-san flirting with me, or that teacher giving me her number," he scoffs. "I have a right to be upset too, you know, watching Kamo kiss you."

The thought of Shigeri pains me. The poor boy who's wonderful and kind, yet still suffering the misfortune of being in my life. "It wasn't like that."

"Then what was it like?"

"He said I love you."

Satoru's lips part, but he's slow to form words. "He did?"

"Yeah." I keep my gaze fixed to the floor, too ashamed to try looking at Satoru. "I've known for a while now, but I know that's not what you want."

For several minutes, Satoru remains silent, elbows leaning down onto his knees. "Kaede, if you want to be with Kamo, you should. If he's brave enough to say he loves you—"

"Are you stupid? He said I love you."

"I get it."

"No, I," I prod a finger into my chest, "Love you," then his.

The statement lingers in the air for several silent moments. Neither of us move, or even breathe. Yet, when the time passes, Satoru says, "I see."

"That's all? 'I see'?"

"What else do you want me to say?"

My heart plummets to the floor, watching him sit there, hands balled into fists, unable to even look at me. I want to lie, say I didn't mean it and everything can go back to how it was mere minutes ago. "You don't have anything else to say?"

"I have plenty of things I'd like to say, not that any of them would matter."

It hardly feels like I'm inside of the room with him. I become a balloon, released into the open air, drifting off further and further. "What do you want from me?"

He doesn't answer.

"Satoru," I repeat myself, "What do you want from me?"

His head drops into his palms, fingers pulling at his hair. "Can we please not do this tonight?"

"Then when?"

"Maybe in a year or something!" he blows up, finally looking me in the eyes, chest heaving in sharp breaths, "When we're older and stronger, and I don't have to worry about anyone hurting you, or becoming weak for the sake of a relationship!"

"You're willing to let the both of us be miserable just so you won't become weak?"

"It's a needless risk."

"Needless?" It slips from my lips in a slow, shuddering breath. Though I understand him—though I've always understood him—it strikes me as an agonizing betrayal. "Satoru... You should leave."

"Kaede," he tries to argue, but I say, "It's okay. You and I, we're okay. I just need a second."

He hesitates in his seat, "The way we are right now," searches for the right words, "It's for the best."

"Stop talking," I beg. "I knew admitting I love you meant being weak and naive, but I was willing to be those things for you. If you're not, I don't hold it against you. You're the strongest after all."

Satoru waits, maybe trying to figure out something else to say, but eventually gets up. With a final glance at me, pitifully sunken into the edge of my mattress, he leaves.

∞

Hours pass as I lie in the dark, the faintest glow of moonlight peeking in through the window. Up towards the ceiling, however, is a void of darkness, pressing down on me, swallowing me whole. My body feels tired, but it's impossible to sleep, to think. All I can do as the minutes go by, is breathe, exist, wait for the sun to rise again. And again. And again.

Three soft knocks on my door. I ignore them. Three more, and I force my body up from the bed, open the door to see Satoru, glasses abandoned as the moonlight bounces off his eyes.

"It's just," his hands are in his pockets, "We haven't slept apart in months."

Despite everything, I can't see myself sleeping through the night without him. "Come in."

We get into my bed, bodies a safe distance apart, turned on our sides towards one another, quiet, staring. The ends of his bright hair spill into his eyes. I remember seeing them for the first time, thinking the ocean's current was inside. "Kaede," he says softly, "I want you to be the strongest with me."

"What's the point?" I roll onto my back, towards the endless sea of darkness. "People will still die. We still can't do whatever we want."

Satoru moves against the sheets, lips connecting with the side of my neck. "Please," he whispers, before sealing his mouth on my throat again, licking lines into the skin, sucking until it aches.

All of it feels good, even the pain. "What are you doing?"

The warmth of his palm envelops the whole of my throat, squeezing lightly. "I can't help it." There's a desperation in his voice that wasn't there before, vibrating into my skin through quiet whimpers, "I'm tired of holding back." My eyes flutter close, shuddering as his kisses travel to the back of my ear. "Say it."

I reach out for him, feeling the softness of his hair between my fingers. "What do you want me to say?"

His lips press against my ear, moving inward with every kiss, until I can feel the point of his nose tracing shapeless figures into my cheek. "Say you'll become the strongest with me." His hand slides all the way from my throat down to my leg, taking the flesh of my thigh into his hand and squeezing hard. "Say it, and I'll give you everything."

"Satoru," I mewl.

His hand squeezes a little harder. He's panting now. "Please."

"I'll be the strongest," I tell him, "I'll do whatever you want."

He lets go of my leg to take hold of my face, turning it until my lips meet his and he's kissing me, soft at first, then harder. Nipping on my bottom lip, tongue pressing against mine, fingers pulling the roots of my hair.

I try to get on top of him, but he pushes me back into the mattress, and locks his lips with mine as his hand presses between my legs. The pressure forces a moan out of me that travels into his mouth. Satoru pulls away, grinning from ear to ear as he rubs the fabric again. I bite down into my lip, breath uneven as I try to stay quiet.

"I want you to make noise." He pushes his hand beneath my clothes, taking my bare flesh into his fingertips. "Have you ever touched yourself before?"

I shake my head.

He laughs a little. "How am I supposed to know how to touch you then?"

I look at him, eyes hazy and lips swollen. "I assumed you knew."

"Why the hell would I know?"

"I don't want you to stop," I say, "Just feel around."

"'Feel around'?" He's smiling, though, rubbing the pads of his fingers against every inch of me. We stay patient, until he rolls over a particular spot that draws my back up off the mattress.

"Do that again."

He listens, coating every breath leaving my lungs with relief. "That feels good?" he asks, and I nod my head, unable to form words.

I'm caught up in the ecstasy of his finger rolling over this perfect little spot again and again, when he says to me, "I'd say I love you, but I don't think that describes it well enough." His finger starts moving faster, massaging me side to side. "Do you know what it's like to see someone for the first time and realize your entire existence is solely for them?" His lips brush my ear as he speaks, his breath warming the side of my face. "To know someone for a few months and have your mind filled with thoughts of nothing but them?" I think I can't take any more until he switches fingers, using his thumb to rub that spot while his long index slips inside of me. I whine out louder than I mean to. "Do you?"

I can't stop stuttering, "No."

His long finger curls with every stroke, his thumb drawing rough circles. "I do," he says, "I was entirely yours from the moment we met." He adds a second finger. "I couldn't stop wondering what it would feel like to touch you like this." He goes faster. "To hear you making these sounds." Harder. "Saying my name." It feels incredible. "I love the way you say my name."

"Satoru." It's a kind of pleasure I can't describe, one that's deeply intimate and sacred. Something I want to protect for the rest of my life. "Satoru."

He smiles against my skin. "Are you just trying to make me happy now?"

"No, I," the sheets ball up inside my fists, "I can't."

He's sincere when he tells me, "You'll be okay," and the most intense feeling takes over. I'm trembling and whimpering next to him, clenching down on his fingers as I repeat his name again and again.

When the wave washes out, I fall back into the mattress, sensations dulled in a haze. Satoru takes pride in showing me his work, holding two glistening fingers over my face, lowering them to my lips. "Try."

I take both of his fingers into my mouth, moving against their length slowly. Once they're clean, Satoru gets on top of me, kissing my lips, licking the taste up from them. Then he pulls away, "Can I take your clothes off?"

I nod, letting him slip each garment off as he pleased. He leaves my bra for last. "Remind me to have you undress first from now on. I'm freezing." He takes his time in removing it, sitting back on the mattress once he does, staring at me longer than I'd care for. "Quit it! You're creeping me out."

"Sorry, sorry," he laughs, eyes still relentlessly glued to my chest as he undresses himself. After he's done, he leans in and kisses me, letting his hands explore what he so clearly wanted most. "I do love you, Kaede-chan."

"I wish you wouldn't finally say that while your hands are on my chest."

He lets go. "I love you." I smile against his lips, pulling him with me to lay down on the bed. It's electrifying to feel the bare warmth of his skin against me, to run my fingers across the expanse of his back. "Almost as much as I love your boobs, of course."

"Brat," I murmur, kissing him like this for some time, enjoying the newfound liberty of touching him wherever I pleased. Then, when his hips grind into mine, I feel all of him against me, and I'm lost for air.

He pulls away, "Too much?"

I shake my head. "No."

Satoru stares at me for a moment, dipping his fingers into my hair until he pulls the white strand out. "You're mine," he says. Not to be commanding or possessive, but softly, in disbelief.

We get through the initial discomfort of getting him inside of me, only to be trapped in complete heaven afterwards. He moves at a wonderful pace between my legs, touching me as if he'd known how his entire life, keeping his beautiful eyes trained on mine, telling me exactly how good it felt for him.

When it had all finished, and we laid wrapped up in each other on my bed, I felt at peace, at home. In the back of my mind, however, I also knew that, no matter how strong we became, we will never not be weaknesses for one another.