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genshinluvr · 1 year ago

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Prisoner of the Mind

Pairings: Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader

Summary: You couldn't join March, Mr. Yang, Dan Heng, and Caelus on their trip to Jarilo-VI after Gepard and Sampo informed them of an issue in Belobog. The Astral Express is under attack, putting you and Pom-Pom in a dangerous situation, leading to you sacrificing yourself to save the train's conductor. Needless to say, the Aeon of Destruction was not too pleased about it.

Note: I have officially written the first hurt/comfort fic for the HSR one-shot series! I hope you all like this fic because I enjoyed typing it out, and it got me tearing up a little, not gonna lie! I have officially made a taglist for my Honkai Star Rail fics and series! It will be linked down below for those who want to be tagged in future fics (and along with past fics if you choose that option) ^^ Man, now I have to start planning this upcoming week's fic. I wonder what it will be 🤔 I don't post anywhere else but on Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and on AO3 (Aaliah_exo).

Warnings: Reader gets attacked, mentions of blood

Word Count: 7.4k

Mr. Yang, March, Caelus, and Dan Heng is off the Astral Express, leaving you with Himeko and Pom-Pom. You usually tag along with them when they go trailblazing or when they’re exploring other ships and planets. But unfortunately, you can’t tag along with them this time because they’re going on a dangerous mission, and having you tag along with them can put your safety at risk. You didn’t want to get in their way by getting hurt or putting a target on your back just by being there. Actually, that was a lie because you offered to tag along with them, and they didn’t want you to go with them.

“There’s nothing to worry about, [Y/N],” Himeko says, ruffling your hair.

You sigh and lean back on the chair, looking out the window of the Astral Express. The stars are shining, and Jarlio-VI looks the same as it has always been. Iced over and devoid of life. There’s something nagging at you, but you can’t put your finger on it. It doesn’t feel pleasant, and you’re constantly looking out the window to see what’s going on, even though you can’t see what’s going on down there on Jarlio-VI.

A few days ago, while traversing through space in the Astral Express, Caelus received a text from Gepard and Sampo. Something was going on in Belobog, and they needed help as soon as possible. You offered to tag along, but of course, your offer was shot down almost immediately by the three men.

“You’re not going with us,” Mr. Yang states, crossing his arms over his chest.

Your eyes widen with disbelief. “What?! Why not? This isn’t the first time I’m tagging along with you guys!” You exclaimed, frowning at the older man.

Mr. Yang looks at Caelus, Dan Heng, and March as if he’s asking them to help him. The three stare in return before looking at you. You had this big frown on your face, and your eyebrows were furrowed with confusion and maybe anger. You were more confused than angry because why would you get upset over them not wanting you to tag along?

Dan Heng sighs. “Caelus received a text from Sampo and Gepard about the situation in Belobog. It won’t be safe if you come with us,” Dan Heng says.

You opened your mouth to retort but only to let out an apprehensive sigh. Caelus walks to you, grabs you by the shoulders, and gazes into your eyes while squatting down to your eye level. You turned your head to avoid his eyes, but Caelus grabbed your chin to make you look at him.

Caelus sighs and gives you a weak smile. “I know you want to come along with us, but we can’t have you come with us for your safety. The situation in Belobog is a safety risk for you, and we don’t want you to get hurt or caught in the middle of it all,” Caelus says.

How was it a safety risk for you when it’s also a safety risk for them? The only thing that’s different between you and them is that they have weapons, and you don’t. And you’re not from their world, but you’ve been adjusting to their universe just fine! With the help of your dear friends from the Astral Express, Xianzhou Luofu, and Jarilo-VI, you’re doing great at getting used to your new environments.

Caelus continues to stare at you with his honey-gold eyes. You sigh and close your eyes, turning your head away from Caelus. Caelus frowns and releases your chin from his grasp, turning to look at March, Mr. Yang, and Dan Heng helplessly. March clears her throat, approaching you and Caelus with a faint smile.

“Oh, cheer up, [Y/N]! I know you want to tag along with us, but maybe you can stay back on the Astral Express just this once! Plus, it’s going to be somewhere freezing in Jarilo-VI, and I’m pretty sure you don’t want to be somewhere freezing while the four of us are out and about!” March says, propping her hands on her hips.

Damn, March isn’t wrong about that. You’re not a huge fan of the weather on Jarilo-VI, and standing in the blizzard while March, Dan Heng, Mr. Yang, and Caelus help Gepard and Sampo with the problems in Belobog is something you don’t want to do. An idea suddenly pops up in your head, and your eyes brighten. Since it’s Sampo and Gepard that contacted Caelus about the problem, you might as well hang out with Luka at Boulder Town Super League while they’re dealing with the situation.

You clear your throat. “Since the four of you, along with Sampo and Gepard, are going to be busy, can I hang out with Luka at the Boulder Town Super League?” You ask, bouncing on the balls of your feet.

Mr. Yang gives you a sympathetic smile and chuckles. “Sweetheart, Luka is going to be coming along with us as well. While we don’t have his phone number like you, Sampo mentioned bringing a friend with him for this situation,” said Mr. Yang.

March, Dan Heng, and Caelus’ heads snap toward Mr. Yang’s direction after hearing Mr. Yang’s slip up. Mr. Yang didn’t seem to notice it, and neither have you. Instead of throwing a fit or insisting that you tag along with them, you sighed in defeat and nodded. It looks like your chances of visiting Jarilo-VI are nonexistent at this point.

Caelus looks at Dan Heng, mouthing, ‘Sweetheart?’ only to earn a shrug from the black-haired man. Caelus clears his throat and nods. “Right, uh, Sampo mentioned a friend he’s bringing with him. As much as we would love to bring you along, we don’t want to give you a babysitter. Remember what happened last time?” Caelus asked, raising his eyebrows at you.

You pursed your lips and rocked back and forth on the balls of your feet. Of course, you remembered what happened the last time you were assigned a babysitter. You got a golf ball-sized bump on your face with a bruise accompanying the bump. It wasn’t pretty, but you certainly met someone pretty that day. That person happened to be the friend of Sampo Koski himself, who is tagging along with your Astral Express and Belobog friends to the site of the issue.

“That’s beside the point. As harsh as it sounds, you’re not leaving the Astral Express. You can join us when we’re heading to the Xianzhou Luofu, alright?” Dan Heng said.

You nodded glumly. You can’t help but feel like you’re being grounded for something you didn’t do. But you will do as they say and stay on the train. March ruffled your hair before draping her arms over your shoulders, pulling you in for a hug.

You hugged March tightly. “When are you guys leaving?” You ask, peeking from March’s shoulders.

Mr. Yang replied almost immediately after you asked, “The Astral Express is heading there right now.”

“And how long will you five be gone for?” You ask.

“We don’t know how long we’ll be on Jarilo-VI. It can be a few days, a few hours, or longer than that, depending on the situation,” replied Dan Heng.

You frowned and pulled away from the hug, and sighed. There’s not much for you to do now. All you could do was hope for the best and that everyone involved came out unscathed and safe.

The conversation you had with your traveling companions was a few days ago, and they have yet to return to the Astral Express. You’re on edge and constantly check your phone to make sure they’re okay and alive. Luckily, they respond to your messages fast in the Astral Express group chat. The only time they won’t respond to your message is when they’re in the middle of something they can’t disclose. Of course, they let you know that ahead of time. And now you’re here, sitting on the Astral Express, looking out the window with zero interest.

Himeko sighs. “If you need anything, I’ll be in my cabin, alright? Feel free to stop by,” says Himeko, smiling at you before walking off after you nod.

Once you’re finally alone, you tilt your head back and close your eyes. No matter how many times you zoned out, time seems to be going slower than it is. You crack your eyes open and check your phone for the umpteenth time, only to see no notifications. Not even from Blade, Luocha, or Jing Yuan. Everyone is busy but you. Maybe a nap will take your mind off what’s going on, and maybe Nanook can keep you company.

After arriving at your bedroom, you plug your phone into the charger before collapsing on your bed and closing your eyes. You blindly reach for the lamp on your nightstand and switch the light off. Exhaustion soon overcomes you, your eyelids feel heavy, and you slowly drift to sleep. You didn’t know how long you were asleep, but when you woke up, everything was pitch black.

You’re miffed that you didn’t see Nanook. You weren’t sure if Nanook was busy, but whenever you go to sleep, you always see Nanook. You didn’t think you did anything to make him upset, plus none of you have gotten off on the wrong foot. Something was wrong, and you don’t know what it is. You reach for the nightstand to turn the lights on, but it doesn’t turn on. You flip the switch repeatedly, but the room remains pitch-dark.

“Dammit. Is the lamp dead?” You sit up and blindly search for your phone in the darkness of your room. You turn your phone on to see that you got a message from Himeko.

1 Message from Himeko („• ֊ •„)

Himeko: “Hey, sleepy head! I got an urgent message from the gang, and they needed my assistance. Sorry to leave the Express without informing you about it. Remember to stay on the ship and do not leave! See you soon!”

You stare at the message that was sent forty-five minutes ago. You’re not sure if you should respond to Himeko’s message. But you didn’t want to leave her on read, so you typed out a message to the redhead.

Y/N: “Urgent message? Are they okay? I didn’t get a notification about it in the group chat…. Did they send the message to you separately?”

Message failed to send.

You furrow your eyebrows. That’s strange.

Y/N: “Himeko?”

Message failed to send.

You kick your blankets off your legs and run to the door. You swing the door open and freeze when you’re met with nothing but darkness. The only source of light was the starry skies shining from the window of the Astral Express. You clutch on your phone tightly, stepping into the pitch-black hallways, swallowing your fears. You turn your phone flashlight, shining it into the darkness that is the Astral Express. Is there a power outage? What happened to Pom-Pom? The thought of Pom-Pom hiding somewhere in the train makes you sprint out of the Passenger Cabins to the Parlor Car, mentally praying to yourself that Pom-Pom is at least safe.

The door to the Parlor Car slams open, and you run into the darkness, shining your phone flashlight while searching for the conductor. Despite there being windows in the train, it doesn’t make the train any brighter. You can’t hear anything else other than blood pounding in your ears. The silence is deafening.

You whimper out, “Pom-Pom? Are you there?”

You’re met with silence. Not even a peep from the conductor of the Astral Express. You hear something shuffling behind you, causing you to snap your head in the direction of the sound. There, hiding behind the chair, is Pom-Pom. Pom-Pom peeks from the chair, shivering with fear.

You sigh in relief. “There you are, Pom-Pom! I was so worried about you!” You said, jogging toward Pom-Pom.

Pom-Pom’s eyes widen, pointing behind you. “Watch out!” Pom-Pom shrieks.

Without thinking, you dive to the ground. You roll over to your knees and turn to look at the thing Pom-Pom pointed at. Right behind you was the Voidranger Reaver, preparing to strike again. You gulp and slowly take a step back, grabbing onto Pom-Pom and pulling the conductor into your arms. There’s no way you and Pom-Pom will be able to escape without getting a couple of cuts.

There are so many questions you want to ask Pom-Pom, but your mind is racing and is all over the place. Your main objective is to try to escape with Pom-Pom and seek help. The Astral Express is no longer safe for you and Pom-Pom. Who knows what else is going to show up on the train.

“Help is on the way! I managed to send out an SOS signal to Himeko and Welt. They should be back soon,” Pom-Pom says, tugging on your shirt.

“How soon?” You whisper, eyes scanning the darkness, searching for an exit.

You’re fucked. You and Pom-Pom are doomed. There’s no escape. There’s no way for you to escape, and you’re fucking terrified. You want to cry. You’re shaking, but you’re trying your best to put on a brave face, but you’re not sure how long it’ll last. Whatever Pom-Pom was saying, it went in one ear and out the other. You grit your teeth, hugging Pom-Pom tightly to your chest before sprinting past the Voidranger Reaver.

The only safe place is your bedroom. You’re not sure if your bedroom door will be able to hold the Voidranger Reaver back. You’re not skilled in any weapon, it’s dark, and you don’t think Himeko and Mr. Yang will make it on time before something happens. You’re fucked. You’re fucked. You run to the Passenger Cabin, hearing the Voidranger Reaver sprinting after you.

You’re so close to your room. So close. You’re so close. Your feet hit the ground, Pom-Pom whimpering in fear, and the vicious growls from the Voidranger Reaver ring in your ears.

You’re so close to your bedroom. Before you can reach your bedroom, you come to a complete stop, beads of sweat forming on your forehead. Two more Voidranger Reavers step out from the shadows, ready to attack you and Pom-Pom.

“[Y/N]....” Pom-Pom whimpers, tugging on your shirt.

You pat Pom-Pom’s back with shaky hands. “We’ll be okay, Pom-Pom. I promise,” you whisper. An idea pops up in your head. “Please forgive me, Conductor.”

“H-Hey! Why are you apologizing?!” Pom-Pom exclaims, looking at you with wide eyes.

You didn’t respond. You lift Pom-Pom and throw him over the two Voidranger Reavers and toward your bedroom. When Pom-Pom lands on the floor of your room, the three Voidranger Reavers start attacking you. Slicing your body to shreds. The sounds of your scream echo throughout the pitch-black train.

Your vision blurs, blood pours from every cut on your body, your ears ring, and your legs give out from underneath you. The last thing you see before darkness consumes your vision is the lights turning on in the Astral Express.

Nothing can prepare Welt, Himeko, Caelus, March, and Dan Heng when they arrive at the Astral Express. Sampo, Luka, and Gepard offered to come and help after the five Astral Express crew members were able to help the trio with the issue on Belobog. The Astral Express was under attack by a couple of Voidranger Reavers, but luckily it was only a small number. However, they weren’t prepared to see the damages the Voidranger Reavers caused when they stepped onto the Astral Express.

Furniture was thrown around, and objects were thrown around and askew. There were no signs of Pom-Pom on board, and there were no signs of you in the Parlor Car. Everyone was hoping you and Pom-Pom were safe somewhere on the Astral Express, but the moment they stepped into the Passenger Cabin, time seemed to have stood still from there.

You were lying lifeless on the ground while three Voidranger Reavers continuously slashed your body. Blood pooled from beneath you, painting the floors crimson red as the smell of copper filled the air. The door to your bedroom is wide open, letting the others get a glimpse of the shaking and sobbing train conductor. Dan Heng was the first to attack the Voidranger Reavers, and others soon followed after.

Once the three Voidranger Reavers were defeated and they all evaporated into thin air, Welt was immediately by your side, pressing his hand against your neck. There’s a pulse, but it’s faint. So faint that he can barely feel it with his gloves on— making him take his glove off and place his index and middle fingers on your neck to the side of your windpipe.

“Someone, contact the Xianzhou Luofu. We need all of the help we can get,” Caelus barks, covering your shredded and bleeding body with his jacket, attempting to stop the bleeding.

Caelus, Welt, and Dan Heng carefully lift you from the ground. March rushes over to a sobbing Pom-Pom, comforting the train conductor while rushing Pom-Pom out of the Passenger Cabin. Gepard, Sampo, and Luka look at one another, not saying a word.

Sampo runs his trembling hands through his hair. “They’re not going to die, are they? Please tell me they’ll be okay,” Sampo whispers, biting on his bottom lip.

“They’ll be okay. They have to be! There’s no way any of us will let them slip from our fingers,” Gepard replies, his hands shaking.

“How can you be so sure? [Y/N] lost so much blood! The floors are literally painted with their blood,” Luka mutters, his eyes never leaving the pool of blood on the once pristine floors of the Astral Express.

The only thing they can do is wait to arrive. While Dan Heng, Welt, and Caelus are trying to put pressure on your wounds to stop the bleeding, Himeko struts through the hallways of the Astral Express with Jing Yuan, Luocha, and Blade following close behind. While Himeko mainly contacted Luocha about the situation, Luocha was quick to inform Jing Yuan and Blade of the state you’re in.

“Hand them to me,” Luocha states, holding his arms out.

Welt, Dan Heng, and Caelus carefully lower your body in Luocha’s arms before watching the blond man disappear to your bedroom to tend your wounds. Jing Yuan and Blade stare at the bloodied floor. There were bloody handprints on the walls and floors of the Astral Express. You tried to put up a fight, but you were outnumbered and were brutally injured by the Voidrangers Reavers.

Jing Yuan sighs, rubbing his temples. “How did this happen?”

Blade chuckles humorlessly. “And I thought the Astral Express was safe for [Y/N] to stay at, but I was wrong,” Blade mutters.

“I understand we’re all tensed and worried about [Y/N], but now is not the time to start an argument. I don’t care who you are or what you mean to [Y/N]. They’re in their room, fighting for their life right now, and you think it’s a good time to start something?” Gepard demands, glaring at the long, dark-haired man before him.

Blade’s red eyes flicker to Gepard’s face, staring at the Captain of the Silvermane Guards wordlessly. Blade clenches his jaws, walking over to the closed door of your room. He leans against the wall, closing his eyes, trying to listen to any sound that comes from your room. He hears nothing.

“Cheer up, everyone! On the bright side, Mr. Yang was able to feel a pulse. The downside is waiting for them to recover,” Sampo says, rubbing the back of his neck.

Luka sighs, closing his eyes. “While we wait for Luocha to treat [Y/N]’s injuries, we should organize and clean up the Astral Express while we wait,” Luka comments.

Everyone was reluctant to leave the Passenger Cabin to organize the furniture of the Parlor Car. The Parlor Car took less damage and wasn’t nearly as horrendous as the Passenger Cabin. Pom-Pom had a hard time trying to resume his duties as the conductor of the Astral Express. All Pom-Pom wanted to do was to check and see if you were okay. Still, the others prevented him from entering the Passenger Cabin because the Passenger Cabin was going under a deep clean.

“[Y/N] will be okay, Pom-Pom. You have nothing to worry about. Luocha is tending [Y/N]’s wounds right now, and he should be finished soon,” Jing Yuan reassures Pom-Pom.

Pom-Pom sniffles, blinking at the General while his bottom lips tremble. The others don’t know what else to say to console the conductor. Pom-Pom witnessed you get attacked mercilessly. You willingly sacrifice yourself to make sure Pom-Pom is safe and out of harm’s way. While scared shitless and fearing for your life, you put someone else before you because you would rather take the hit than have someone take the hit for you.

“I’m going to make sure there aren’t any breaches on the train,” Blade mutters, walking away from the group.

After what feels like days, Luocha steps into the Parlor Car, looking visibly relieved. Everyone immediately stands up, walking to the blond man. Luocha rubs his temples, letting out a deep breath.

“After five hours of treating [Y/N]’s injuries, [Y/N] is now in a stable condition. If any of you are going to stop by and make sure they’re okay, please keep your voices down while they rest,” Luocha instructs.

Luocha turns around and walks to your bedroom, with everyone following. The Passenger Cabin is clean, and there aren’t any traces of your blood left behind. The smell of cleaning solution and air freshener wafts through the air, drowning the smell of your blood that barely lingers in the air. Luocha grabs the handle to your room and slides the door open. One by one, each person steps into your dimly lit bedroom. You lay on your bed, sound asleep. Bandages wrap around your body from the neck down, while small bandaids patch up the smallest cuts on your face.

“How long will it take for them to recover?” Sampo whispers, turning to look at Luocha.

Luocha shrugs, sighing. “That’s the issue. I don’t know how long it’ll take for them to recover. [Y/N] is in stable conditions, but now it’s up to them on when they will regain their consciousness,” Luocha replies.

Gepard takes a step toward your bed, grabbing your frail hands and brushing his thumb over the bandages wrapped around your hands. To any other person, you look like you’re asleep, dreaming about anything. But to the others, it seems like you’re lying on your deathbed with one foot in the grave. It’s terrifying. To see you in such a state scares everyone.

Gepard clears his throat. “And you said they’re in stable condition, correct?” Gepard asks, keeping his eyes on you.

Luka clears his throat. “I believe Luocha mentioned that a few times already, Gepard,” Luka comments, approaching the blond man and standing by his side.

Poor sweet Gepard. The once cool, calm, and collected Captain of the Silvermane Guard has a hard time trying to digest the image before him. Gepard is trying everything in his power not to break down in tears in front of everyone around him. You almost died. You were standing in front of death’s doorsteps, ready to walk through the doors, leaving him and the others for good.

But you didn’t walk through those doors. Luocha managed to heal you and patch your wounds, preventing you from taking your last breath.

Jing Yuan sits at the edge of your bed, tucking you in your bed and brushing your hair away from your face. Jing Yuan sighs, caressing your cheek. “What horrors did you face before your unfortunate fate?” Jing Yuan whispers, scanning your unconscious face.

Everyone remains silent in your room, staring at your unconscious body. Welt, Dan Heng, and Caelus can’t help but drown in guilt. You wanted to join them, and they wouldn’t let you tag along with them due to safety concerns. But look where that landed you in. You’re injured, you were so close to death, but Luocha was able to save you and prevent that from happening.

Everyone starts to slowly and reluctantly leave your bedroom. Before they leave, they would squeeze your unconscious hand and whisper apologies for not arriving on time and for failing to protect you. Everyone is ridden with guilt. Soon enough, you’re left alone in the comfort of your bedroom.

You jerk up with a gasp, only to find yourself in someone’s muscular arms. You look up to see Nanook. The Aeon stares down at you while cradling you in his arms. You blink at him and rub your eyes sleepily, looking around the void. You freeze when you realize you’re not your regular height. You’re almost the same height as Nanook. You and Nanook are covering the sun and the sky.

Nanook tucks your hair behind your ears, kissing the shell of your ears, sighing. “How are you feeling, little one?” Nanook whispers.

“I’m tired, but I’m also confused,” you murmur, closing your eyes.

You and Nanook sit in silence. Nanook runs his fingers through your hair, rubbing your back and holding you close to his chest. There’s no space between you two, but you didn’t mind it. It feels nice to be in someone’s arms. It feels nice to be held. You’ve been yearning for someone to touch and hold you. You can’t help but notice your entire body feels tingly. You shift around in Nanook’s arms, opening your eyes to look down at your body. When you did that, you let out a choked gasp and jolted in Nanook’s grasp, startling the Aeon of Destruction.

You hold out your arm, looking up at Nanook. “Nanook... What’s going on!?” You whisper.

There are stars decorating your skin from head to toe. The stars glitter on your skin like diamonds and precious gems. It’s all over your body, and you don’t know what to do, nor do you know how it got there. You try to wipe it off your skin, only for it not to budge. It’s like you have an entire galaxy scattering across your body.

Nanook grabs your chin and tilts your head up. “The stars are healing you, little one. You were gravely injured back on the train. I couldn’t bear to see you suffer,” Nanook whispers.

You swallow the lump in your throat. The Astral Express. The attack. Pom-Pom. You sacrifice yourself to save Pom-Pom. All of it happened so fast that you could barely process the thought of it. Wait a minute, you’re not dead, are you? Sure, Nanook said the stars are healing you, but what about your physical body outside of your mind? Outside of the void?

“I’m not dead, am I?” You whisper.

Nanook snorts, shaking his head. “No, sweetheart. You’re not dead, little one. Your physical body is currently recovering. That blond man was able to heal your injured body,” Nanook says, kissing your forehead.

You close your eyes, sighing in relief. You’re so glad you’re not dead.

“Besides, I wouldn’t let you die. Not on my watch,” Nanook mutters.

You smile, wrapping your arms around Nanook’s torso and sighing with contentment. It’s just you and Nanook in the void. No dangers lurking in the corner, no one to bother you. It’s just you and Nanook surrounded by the glittering stars of the abyss, enjoying each other’s presence in silence.

While you’re with Nanook, your physical body has healed back to its original form before the attack. No scars are left on your body, and there are no bruises and small cuts. You look good as new. Luocha did a fantastic job at healing your body, and he would like to pat himself on the back for that. Despite your body being fully healed and in perfect condition, you did not wake up.

You’re still unconscious, but it’s like you’re sleeping instead of being in a coma. You move around in your sleep and react to the sounds around you, but you have yet to open your eyes since the attack.

“I thought they would regain their consciousness by now,” Blade mutters, sitting at the end of your bed while staring at your unconscious body.

Luocha sighs, getting up from your bed and crossing his arms over his chest. “While [Y/N] is physically healed of their injuries, it’s up to them to decide when to wake up from their unconsciousness,” says Luocha.

“But it's been days since the attack! How much longer are they going to be unconscious? Are you sure [Y/N]’s okay?” Sampo asks, looking at Luocha pleadingly.

Yes, it’s been days since the incident, and there are no signs of you waking up any time soon. Yes, you react to the noises around you, and yes, you’re physically okay and have healed from your injuries, but you’re still not awake. March wanted to make sure you didn’t wake up and then go back to sleep to play tricks on everyone, so she would check up on you every other hour (if she wasn’t asleep).

Everyone has decided to stop by your room to visit you every day, making sure you’re still breathing. Luocha even took that chance to make sure there weren’t any internal injuries or bleeding, and thankfully, there were none. You’re physically okay, but mentally…. They’re not sure about that.

“They must’ve been so scared in their final moments,” March whispers.

Caelus gives March a look. “March, why are you putting it that way? It’s like you’re implying [Y/N]’s dead!” Caelus scolds the pink-haired girl.

March huffs, crossing her arms over her chest. “Well, it’s been days since we last saw [Y/N] open their eyes! Not being able to text them, talk to them, hang out with them feels like an eternity!” March exclaims.

While unconscious, you still managed to pick up every noise around you. You flinch and whimper in your unconscious state, eyebrows furrowing. Mr. Yang looks at March and Caelus, shaking his head with disapproval.

“March, I understand you miss them, but you need to remember that we can’t control when they can regain consciousness,” says Mr. Yang.

Dan Heng pinches the bridge of his nose before approaching your bed. He sits at the edge of your bed and stares at your unconscious face. The longer Dan Heng stares at your face, the more he realizes something is off.

“What’s that?” Dan Heng asks.

Gepard walks over to where Dan Heng is standing, watching the black-haired man gently grab your face and tilt your head to the side. The others crowd behind Dan Heng and Gepard, staring at your face while trying to see what Dan Heng is looking at. If anyone were to blink, they would’ve missed it because it was quick to appear and disappear.

Gold runs through your veins across your face. The pattern reminds them of thunder. It starts at the base of your neck, slithering up and across your face before disappearing. Gepard gently nudges Dan Heng to caress your head. Gepard pulls your eyelids up, and alas, the color of your eyes changes from your original eye color to gold.

“Could it be….?” Gepard trails off, furrowing his eyebrows with concentration.

Gepard blinks, and your eyes return to their original color. Blade turns to look at the other men, his chest puffing with anger while gritting his teeth. He clenches his hands into tight fists until they turn white underneath his gloves.

“Is it possible for Nanook, the Aeon of Destruction, to hold [Y/N] as a prisoner in their mind?” Blade asks.

Jing Yuan chuckles, crossing his arms over his chest. “Now, now, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We can’t be certain that Nanook is holding [Y/N] a prisoner in their mind. It’s possible that the Aeon is doing that, but [Y/N] sustained many injuries, and it’s possible their body is keeping them in a comatose state for them to fully heal mentally and physically,” Jing Yuan explains.

Luka hums, shrugging his shoulders. While Luka may have known you for a short time compared to the other men, he doubts Nanook is going to harm you. Before meeting you, Sampo and Gepard would describe you as “Nanook’s chosen one” to Luka. It’s a ridiculous title, but it’s the best they can do to describe how important you are to Nanook. They would praise your beauty and mention the strong connection they feel to you when they’re with you and when they meet you for the first time.

“What if Nanook is keeping [Y/N] asleep because he’s worried about their safety? Like Blade said, it’s possible for Nanook to keep them as a prisoner. I don’t think prisoner isn’t the best way to describe the situation, but Nanook has never hurt [Y/N], has he?” Luka asks, turning to look at the eight men.

Mr. Yang sighs, shaking his head. “[Y/N] never mentioned anything about Nanook hurting them in any way. The only thing we know is that Nanook is very fond of [Y/N], hence why they’re in our world in the first place. Nanook would communicate with [Y/N] through their dreams every time they fall asleep,” Mr. Yang explains, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

While the men are discussing the situation and what they all have witnessed, in your unconscious mind, you’re lying against Nanook. You don’t know how long you’ve been with Nanook, but you like the peace and quiet. While you love being in the void with Nanook, basking in his presence, light touches, and affections, you can’t help but find the void a little bit dull and boring.

How does Nanook deal with this alone? Maybe Nanook is used to it because he’s been around for thousands of years compared to you, a newcomer. You move away from Nanook, grabbing the Aeon’s attention. You sigh, looking around at the sparkling stars in the night sky. Nanook peeks at you, gazing at you worriedly when you let out an apprehensive sigh. Nanook wraps his arms around your waist, pressing his bare chest against your back.

Nanook presses his lips against the shell of your ear. “What’s wrong? Why are you sighing like that?” Nanook murmurs, massaging your hip bones while resting his chin on your shoulders.

How do you tell Nanook that you know he’s keeping you in your “dreams” for a long time? You tried to wake up, but you can’t. You have tried many methods of trying to wake yourself up from this never-ending dream, only to fail in the end. You love being with Nanook, and you don’t mind being in the void with the Aeon, but you can’t possibly stay here forever, can you?

“I know you’re keeping me here, and you’re not letting me leave,” you said hesitantly.

Crap that sounds bad. You didn’t mean for it to come out that way. Think, [Y/N], think! You turn to look at the Aeon of Destruction, who gazes at you blankly. Even though Nanook is gazing at you emotionlessly, you can’t help but feel intimidated by the look he’s giving you. You gulp and grab Nanook’s hands, squeezing them.

You smile at him. “I’m not upset with you for wanting to keep me here. I want to know why you’re keeping me here and refusing to let me wake up,” you murmur.

Nanook sighs, releasing your hand before backing away from you. You let your hands fall to your side as you watch him grow in size. It took you a few seconds to realize you’re back to your original size, and Nanook is now towering over you, still covering the sun and the sky. Fuck, Nanook is not upset with you, is he?

“That is none of your concern, little one,” Nanook states, crossing his arms over his chest.

You frown. “It is very much my business, Nanook. You’re keeping me here with you when my physical body is lying on my bed, unconscious, while my friends are probably wondering why I’m still not awake!” You exclaim.

You wince when your voice echoes in the abyss. Nanook stares at you with a deep frown. You sigh, turning away from Nanook and walking away. You didn’t get far. A hand grabs your wrist, turning you around to face the hand that belongs to a certain Aeon. Nanook, now standing before you, is frowning at you. While he’s the size of a regular person, he continues to tower over you like the men you call your very friends. You assume Nanook is the same height as Jing Yuan but maybe slightly taller than the white-haired General of the Xianzhou Luofu.

“Your friends failed to keep you safe. They left you alone on that train, and what happened? The Astral Express was under attack, and it nearly cost your life!” Nanook growls. “You’re safer here with me than you are with them! Why should I trust them to be around you when they failed at something they were supposed to do in the first place?!”

Tears blur your vision, and you look away from Nanook. Nanook sighs and caresses your face, wiping the tears that slowly make their way down your cheeks. He pulls you into his arms, wrapping both arms around your shoulders while caressing the back of your head and kissing your forehead. You wrap your arms around his waist, burying your face into his chest.

“I’m sorry for raising my voice at you, my precious gem. Witnessing you getting attacked and not being able to do something about it hurts me deeply. I thought I could trust your traveling companions to protect you, but I was wrong,” Nanook murmurs.

You tighten your grip around Nanook, squeezing your eyes shut. It’s not Nanook’s fault for not being able to protect you, nor is it your friends’ fault either. They wanted you to stay on the Astral Express to protect you, and it was going smoothly until the Astral Express was under attack. It wasn’t like they could predict what was going to happen to the train while they were away.

You swallow the lump in your throat, rubbing Nanook’s back. “It’s no one’s fault, Nanook. My friends were trying to protect me from the dangers on Jarilo-VI, but they didn’t think the Astral Express was going to be under attack. Please don’t blame them or yourself. It’s no one’s fault,” you whisper, pulling away from the hug.

Nanook stares at you. A deep frown remains on Nanook’s face while his eyebrows are furrowing with frustration. You gingerly reach up to Nanook’s face, rubbing his eyebrows, causing the Aeon to stare at you with confusion. Nanook grabs your wrist, raising an eyebrow at you. You and Nanook stare at each other in silence.

“What are you doing?” Nanook mutters, tilting his head to the side.

You clear your throat, lowering your hands awkwardly. “You were furrowing your eyebrows. I thought I should smooth the scrunch away,” you reply.

Nanook smiles with amusement, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist and burying his face into your neck. “Stars, I don’t want to share you with anyone else.” Nanook thinks, squeezing you so tight you swear your back might pop. “Why can’t I have you for myself?”

Nanook snaps out of his thoughts when you call his name softly.

“Are you alright?” You whisper, carding your fingers through his soft, luscious hair.

Nanook exhales deeply through his nostrils, nodding in response. Nanook doesn’t want you to regain your consciousness outside of the void. He can keep you here for eternity for all he’d like, but that would be selfish of him to do so. But why does it matter? Nanook is the one that brought you into this universe in the first place! Why do other people have to interfere and develop feelings for you too? It’s simply not fair. Nanook wants you for himself, and he doesn’t want to share you with anyone.

POP!

You groan and pat Nanook’s biceps to grab his attention. “You just popped my back, Nanook. Are you sure you’re okay?” You ask, lightly pushing him away to get a clear look at his face.

Nanook quickly apologizes and peppers your face with small kisses. You sigh and lean into his arms while he sways side to side with you. Your eyelids begin to get heavy as you slowly fall asleep, your vision turning black, and the last thing you feel is Nanook kissing your forehead.

The voices around you are muffled, almost like you’re underwater, and they’re above the surface. As you regain consciousness, you realize the voices around you are bickering. You groan and smack the nearest thing, earning a loud yelp.

“Ouch! Gumdrop, why did you hit me?!” Sampo whines.

You crack your eyes open to see nine faces peering down at you. Dear Aeons, you did not expect to see nine faces staring at you while you were unconscious. You rub your eyes and try to sit up. Sampo tackles you into a hug, squeezing you tightly. You groan when you feel your back pop. Gepard and Luocha grab Sampo by the shoulders and pull the indigo-haired man back.

“Be careful! [Y/N] is still recovering from their injury,” Gepard says, shaking his head with disapproval.

Luocha kneels beside you and brushes your hair from your face. “How are you feeling, Stardust? Any aches and pains?” Luocha asks, eyeing you closely.

You move your arms, move and stretch your legs. So far, you feel fine as ever! “I feel okay. Nothing is hurting, but I do feel like I need to go to a chiropractor,” you say, rubbing the knot in your back.

“[Y/N]. We’re so sorry this happened to you. You wanted to join us, and we didn’t let you accompany us to Jarilo-VI because we wanted to keep you safe from danger. Instead, the Astral Express was under attack, and you were gravely injured,” Caelus says, grabbing your hands and squeezing them.

You shake your head. “It’s not your fault. None of us knew this was going to happen, Caelus. No one is at fault,” you whisper.

“We feel guilty for what happened. We’re not leaving you on the Astral Express alone next time. You’re safer with us than you are alone. Whether you’re on the Astral Express or not,” says Dan Heng.

You open your mouth to respond, but the lights in your room flicker on and off. The men standing around your bed tense up and form a barrier around you, drawing their weapons. The silence in your room was loud, so loud that everyone in the room could hear heavy footsteps approaching your room. The door swings open and enters a towering figure.

You peek between Jing Yuan and Blade’s shoulders, eyes widening when you see…

“Nanook. What are you doing here?” You whisper, getting up from your bed.

You’re about to walk toward Nanook, but Blade and Jing Yuan block your way, glaring at the Aeon of Destruction. Nanook raises his eyebrows at Blade and Jing Yuan, crossing his arms over his bare chest. Nanook clears his throat, watching the nine men stand around you while gazing at the Aeon warily.

Nanook sighs. “Since your…. Friends…. Can barely protect the one I find most precious and hold dear to my heart, I might as well join you on your journey across the universe,” says Nanook.

Blade clenches his jaws. “Oh? The Aeon of Destruction is joining us in our journey?” Blade sneers, tightening his grip around the sword.

“Should we trust him?” Luka whispers, not taking his eyes off the Aeon of Destruction.

Nanook merely rolls his eyes and walks toward the group, reaching over Blade and Jing Yuan to grab you. Nanook wraps his fingers around your wrist, pulling you forward. Nanook wraps his arms around your waist and kisses the side of your head, refusing to take his eyes off the group behind you.

Jing Yuan pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue. “Keep your guard up at all times,” Jing Yuan instructs, keeping his eyes on the Aeon.

Perhaps you should’ve stayed a prisoner in your mind. The tension between your traveling companions and Nanook is so thick and awkward. You don’t know what to do other than be caught in the middle of the ten men. Nine of the men are glaring at the Aeon while the Aeon is running his fingers through your hair, gazing at the fuming nine men with mirth. Oh, this is going to be interesting.

Note: I hope you all like this fic! Nanook is officially physically in the fic! >:D I wonder what's going to happen now that Nanook is physically in the fic with everyone now! Also, I hope you Luocha wanters have Luocha now! I have Luocha after spending money because Welt ended up coming home instead of Luocha 🥹 Got me spending all of my stellar jades too 😔 anyway! For those who want to be tagged in upcoming HSR fics, I have finally made a taglist form right [HERE]! Oh, and for those who want to, my discord is officially opened! This link is temporary and will expire after seven days. If you want to join, here is the link to [Zhongli's Abode]! If you like the server, you can stay! If it's not your cup of tea, then you can leave whenever you want! Please make sure to read the server rules when you join the server ^^ To my new and/or returning readers, please keep in mind that I ONLY post on my Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and my AO3 (Aaliah_exo)! Nowhere else except Tumblr and AO3!

Taglist for the HSR fics: Will be tagging people when the taglist form is filled out :)

Read more of my works on my Masterlist | Maybe support me by tipping me on Ko-Fi or by reblogging my fanfics! ^^ I will also be posting exclusive fanfics on Ko-Fi as well very soon! I might post all of my stories on there too, but who knows. You can also tip me on Tumblr if you'd like as a way to show support! ^^

#Honkai Star Rail x reader #Honkai Star Rail imagine #Honkai Star rail fanfiction #Honkai Star Rail fanfic #HSR x reader #HSR imagine #HSR fanfiction #HSR fanfic #Dan Heng x reader #Gepard Landau x reader #Sampo Koski x reader #Welt Yang x reader #Blade x reader #Jing Yuan x reader #Luocha x reader #Caelus x reader #Nanook x reader #Luka x reader #genshinluvr

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wangxianficfinder · 8 days ago

Text

Fic Finder

Nov 4th

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1. A) Hello! I am looking for a couple of pics that I have been unable to find. They may have already been found, but if so, I am missing them. First one is Wei Wing dies at the siege and is transported back a thousand years or so, before the sects started up I believe. He becomes immortal or a god, can't remember which and travels to learn other magic and cultivations while he waits for the years to catch up to when he was born. I think its a wangxian pairing, but not sure.

B) Hello! Looking for a fic where Wei Ying is not oblivious to his feelings for Lan Zhan. He asks Lan Zhan on basically a date to the town, and the part I remember is he deliberately didn't take an umbrella/coat because according to Nie Huaisang, it would be a perfect romantic opportunity to have Lan Zhan offer the umbrella/coat or vice versa. Lan Zhan thinks Wei Wing is just playing with him and I remember a scene where Wei Ying proves his intention with a kiss and Lan Zhan believes him. @marietsy40-blog

1A)

FOUND? An Unusual Betrothal series by ahealthydoseof (G, 74k, wangxian, time travel, age difference, immortality, BAMF WWX, younger LWJ, older WWX, misunderstandings, fluff & crack, worried parents, rabbits, food, non-sexual intimacy, murder, fix-it of sorts, developing relationship, humor, arranged marriage, jealousy, friendship, family feels, dysfunctional family, fatherhood, angst, hurt/comfort, mentor WWX, natural disasters, sworn brotherhood, serious injuries, kissing)

1B)

FOUND? 🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 887k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement)

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2. hi! i’m looking for a fic where wangxian friends and family try to arrange them to get married (i think maybe post sunshot campaign). lxc brought in jgy to help him with negotiations, while jyl and jwy bring nhs to help them. they try to find wx to tell them only to find out they basically ran of and eloped (without knowing that this was happening). the fic should be completed and around 3-8 chapters. thanks! @monyeorel

FOUND? i believe that we can make it (i believe in all of you) by Stratisphyre (T, 17k, WangXian, 3Zun, Canon Divergence, Wedding Planning for Love and Justice, Golden Core Reveal, Getting Together, Everybody Lives)

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3. Hello I want ask something... I can't seem to find this fanfiction I have once read long time ago but this is mainly wangxian ofc and what I remember that this fanfic is modern, wei ying I think he was going to debut or not? Lan zhan is his teacher? Since he called him xiansheng (something like that) Jiang yanli is married to Jin Zixuan in this. Wei ying keeps on updating on social media something like that.

FOUND? 🧡 I Don’t Want to Debut! by countingcr0ws (G, 56k, WangXian, Modern AU, Reality show, Idols, Actor LWJ, Forced Contestant WWX, Tencent’s 2021 Idol Producer)

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4. For fic finder: the allied sects are losing the sunshot campaign so they ask for the aid of the immortal yilling patriarch. He agrees, in return for lwj's hand in marriage. Lwj is very concerned but he gets to burial mounds and finds things are fine actually but there are a lot of unruly children. He starts teaching them and living life, confused by his mostly cold and distant but sometimes friendly husband. Turns out wwx is falling in love with him but thinks lwj is a spy for the jin and after the tiger seal, and married him because he wanted to catch him in the act and make him be a double agent. Lwj is unaware that the jin sect even has designs against his husband because he hates politics. He discovers this after he nearly dies defending A-Qing from an attack by Xue Yang and wwx comes clean. I could say more because i remember a lot about this fic but not the important information like name or author. Thanks!

FOUND! 💖🔒 love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, YLLZ WWX, Arranged Marriage, political scheming, Gratuitous Domesticity, Mutual Pining, EXTREME SLOWBURN, the inherent eroticism of the forehead ribbon, The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known, neither wwx nor lwj want to be Perceived, but sorry kids! it’s gonna happen!, rated E but the the NSFW stuff doesn’t begin until chapter 19!, bottom LWJ in chapter 20 and 27, Mojo’s post)

NOT FOUND!🔒and having a marvelous time by varnes (E, 108k, WangXian, Yúnmèng Siblings, Sound of Music AU, (i know!!! i know. stay with me on this.), Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Family Feels, spies to lovers???, Protective Siblings, Sometimes You Just Want Your Dads To Admit They’re Your Dads, Angst with a Happy Ending) Pretty sure the bunch of kids in the burial mounds fic sounds like Varnes' delightful sound of music au "and having a wonderful time" but there are at least three fics I've read that come close to that.

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5. good dayy!! do you guys know this story. i forgot the title and been using modern with magic tag but i cant find it. i dont know anymore but the story is like this:

its a modern with magic, madam lan is one of the teacher and one of her student is wwx. there's a scene where wwx visited his brother in the alpha dormitory then lwj saved him(?) from some rude alpha. there's two version of it, alpha lwj x omega wwx and omega lwj and alpha wwx. there's a mission(?) and he met wwx outside the university, they also shared a room. omega wwx also has a solo room for being the only male omega.

the omega lwj version of it is lwj owns a 2 stuffed toy bunnies, he told wwx their names and wwx said it to madam lan.

im not sure if im mixing different stories or if i remember it right but i hope u'all can help me. thank uu in advance!

FOUND? 🔒 Other Half series by Hanguang_Jun, Wuxian_Biscuit (Charlie_Biscuit) (E, 819k, WangXian, JC/LWJ, WWX/Self, LWJ/Self, LWJ/WWX/JC, LWJ/JGY/WWX, Roleplay, Fantasy, Magic, Omegaverse, Friends to Lovers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Smut, Switch WangXian, Bottom LWJ, Alpha LWJ, Slow Burn, Omega WWX, eventual mpreg, Alpha/Alpha, LWJ gets off on submitting to another alpha, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Knotting, If LWJ being submissive puts you off then do not read this, Top JC, Top WWX, Omega LWJ, Alpha WWX, From Sex to Love, Tentacle Porn, Safewords, Rude LWJ, A bit of magic recreational drug use, Sex Toys, Lingerie, Omega/Omega, Alpha JC, a/o and o/o and a/a, Selfcest, A bit of dark wangxian (but it's not permanent), Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Accidental Voyeurism, JC does not interact with wangxian, Intersex Omegas, Pregnancy, Consensual Non-Consent, Vaginal Sex, Bondage, Omega JGY, Bodyswap, Dubious Consent, Due to Basic Premise, Knifeplay, Choking, Birth)

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6. Hello, I am searching for a modern wangxian fic on ao3 where wei ying is invited in Jiang yanli's wedding. Nie huaisang is the wedding planner and Meng yao is his assistant. The wedding is at the time of Christmas and they played a game that each one will send another a gift till Christmas and the receiver's name is decided through lottery. Lan wangji was the one who was giving gifts for this and wei ying was giving gifts to yu ziyuan. All the names will be revealed at the day of Christmas.

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7. I don’t know if it got deleted or I just didn’t bookmark it but I’m looking for a fic with Fox!WWX. LWJ is maybe a dragon or just a regular cultivator who helps him get all of his 9 tails through dual cultivation so it’s rated M or E. i feel bad i don’t remember much more but any leads will be greatly appreciated 🥺 thank you for all your work

FOUND? 💖 Paths of Light and Darkness Converge by ataratah (E, 30k, wangxian, fox WWX, dragon LWJ, secret identity, non-human genitelia, crack treated seriously, fluff, angst w/ happy ending)

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8. im looking for a fic where Wie ying became a god after death saved Mo Xuanyu and adopted him when he trayed to bring him back . wie ying changed his hair to white and his eyes red @leo1fan

FOUND? Wuqian, the Local God of Yiling by Grace_ShadowWolf (TaubeLePigeon) (M, 80k, wangxian, WWX & LSZ & LWJ, major character death, canon divergence, angst w/ happy ending, god WWX, Chinese mythology & folklore, pining, temporary character death, WIP)

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9. hi im looking for this fic where xue yang and xiao xingchen are dating, and then one day song lan (xiao xingchen's ex) comes back so xue yang lets those two get together even though he feels very jealous, and then one day him and song lan hook up and later they become a throuple @ashxi-wx

FOUND? Fine Line by fouxes (arundels) (E, 13k, SL/XXC/XY, Modern, Polyamory Negotiations, Polyamory, Minor Violence, Hate Sex, Love/Hate, Love Rivals to Lovers, XXC is kinda useless in this sorry, Not Super Healthy Relationship Dynamics, but nothing crazy terrible, also XY is a cage fighter cos why not) it used to be posted under a different pseudonym of theirs

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10. I’m trying to find a reaction fic that takes place after the siege on Burial Mounds. I remember that the sect leaders are having a meeting at Lotus Pier and get trapped in a room by Chenqing to watch WWX’s life. Suibian also later gets involved and they also get LWJ and a-yuan to join.

FOUND? Seeking Solace by Devourer Of Worlds (Taer01), DragonHeart (Taer01), Taer01 (M, 124k, WangXian, Major Character Death, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Hurt, Heavy Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mental Anguish, Mental Instability, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Canon Divergence)

FOUND? Misunderstood by Silver_Flame_2724 (M, 250k, WIP, WangXian, JYL/JZX, Fluff, Eventual Smut, Heavy Angst With Eventual Happy Ending, Family Feels, Family Angst, Misunderstandings, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Family Fluff, Canon Divergence, Not Everyone Dies, by that I mean the bad guys will die, Hurt, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Suicidal Thoughts, Gore, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Breakdown, Night Terrors, Canon-Typical Violence, Self-Worth Issues, Self-Destruction, Dubious Morality, (not WWX of course), Cannibalism, Reincarnation, PTSD, Internally Screaming LWJ, Demonic Possession, MXY Lives, Scum Villain References, WWX Has an Angry LWJ Kink)

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11. Hello ! I've been looking for a fic for a long time and I can't find it.

It's in the post-canon, wangxian are married and investigate a ghost woman who attacks white-dressed cultivators. In fact, this woman has feelings for Lan zhan and seeks to have him all for herself.

At one point, under a disguise she tries to trap them by wanting to make Wei Ying believe that Lan Zhan is cheating on him with her and Wei Ying pretends to be jealous and angry against Lan Zhan who immediately understands the plan.

In short, I really liked this fic because it really showed this precious trust between the two and I really want to read it again and this time save it in my bookmarks 🥺 @wesenyr

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12. Hi ! I am looking for a popular fic, where WWX participates at the Great British Baking Show (or something equivalent) and LWJ is a cameraman. NHS and LXC are the hosts and LQR is one of the judges.

Thank you ! @massivecollateralproblem

FOUND! on your marks, get set, bake! by BlackWiresOnHerHead (G, 41k, Modern, College/University, The Great British Bake Off AU, Humor, no GBBO knowledge required for entry)

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13. Hi, I’m trying to find two older fics, A) the first I remember it being on AO3, and I want to say it had more than one part to it. Basically when Wei Ying came back and then of course ended up in Gusu Lan, Lan Zhan had a son (not A-Yuan) but like another child that was his and Wei Yings, A-Yuan is also present though. He’s very much like how he is presented in the novel, but the child that was Lan Zhans and Wei Yings is more like Wei Ying. A bit of a trouble maker, kind of aggressive maybe. Energetic? Lan Zhan of course clocks that Wei Ying is Wei Ying, but they wait a while before actually telling the kid that this now seemingly random figure in his life is his father. And if I remember correctly the kid doesn’t take it well right away.

I also could be combining to fics in my memory, but I also want to say Lan Zhan may have had chronic pain, or he had been whipped while pregnant and he was just gonna roll with it until he collapsed early and they found out about the pregnancy.

B) The second definitely was on AO3 as well, with multiple parts. But I remember Lan Zhan definitely had chronic pain and weakness from being whipped. I specifically remember he has scars that snake down to his hand, and that arm/hand is visibly smaller or weaker looking compared to his other. At first he won’t eat or drink in front of Wei Ying because of it. His hand shakes I think. He also keeps his hair braided to the side so it doesn’t touch his scars, that way he doesn’t have to use his core as much to dampen the pain. He travels in the winter because the cold makes his pain worse. A-Yuan is also present in this fic. I think there’s a coming of age type ceremony at the end…. Although that could be a part of the first fic I’m looking for. @captainimpossiblyangrycolle-blog

13A)

FOUND? in a river you wade by bleuett (M, 20k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Mpreg, Postpartum Depression, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Good Uncle LQR, Family Feels, Happy Ending, Kid Fic)

13B)

FOUND? 🔒 the map of days by everythingispoetry (M, 20k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Permanent Injury, Recovery, Disability, Parenthood, Character Study, Thirteen Years of WWX’s Death) the little details sound like "the map of days by everythingispoetry" i do not know for certain though

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14. Hey!! Thank you so much for all your hard work.

I read a fic ages ago, that the themes have really stuck with me, but for the life of me I cannot find!!

It was in the veins of heavy angst? hurt no comfort maybe? but i dont remember how it ended!

It was from (mostly?) wwx’s perspective, the plot was basically how broken & damaged wwx was as demonic cultivation/starvation were slowly killing him? None of his injures had ever healed since he lost his core (he had a broken back !?). A key point (I think) was that none of the people around him really realised how badly injured/how much pain he was in. They knew he wasn’t well but not that he was being pretty much held together by resentful energy. Even Wen Qing didn’t fully understand his condition I believe?

Maybe knowning he was dyinging wwx set out to destroy the st seal (or did???) as a final release??

I think it did kill him but I’m not quite sure, i think i remember Jyl & Lwj having a scene where they are mourning him together or commiserating over how ravaged wwx’s body is. I think they also realised wwx never intended to survive destroying the seal??

I’m desperate to read it again but for all my searching I cannot find it at all, hopefully someone knows it!

Have a great day! @3f2pmb

FOUND? 梅花开放 | the plum blossoms bloom by doubletan (E, 6k, WangXian, Sickfic, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Established Relationship, Yunmeng Bros Reconciliation, Post-Canon, Anal Sex, Kissing, Crying, a lot of crying)

FOUND? The Fire Lapping Up the Creek by notevenyou (E, 66k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Injury, Injury Recovery, Blood, Respiratory Illness, Major Illness, Fever, Grief/Mourning, Burial Mounds, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hunger and food scarcity, Surgery, Fix-It of Sorts)

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15. Hi! This is for ficfinder. I dont remember much. The scene that i remember is someone send an assassin for baby jin ling but he survives because if wwx gift and the assassin is killed by ewx who visit him. Another scene is JGS wants to assault JYL but failed because if wwx gift too. And everyone found out about it and embrassed JGS. That all i can remember. Thanks! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

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16. Hi I’m not sure if this is where I ask but I’m looking for a fic. The plot was that after wei Ying died Lan Zhan went to the burial mounds and found A Yuàn. For some reason this made Lan Zhan go into heat ( cause of grief or finding a malnourished child. idk ) and then he didn’t have a heat since. I think it then skipped to the future and Lan Zhan was like a ‘broken omega’ cause he didn’t get heats then I think wei Ying came back and things got fixed ?? Thx for any help u can give

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17. Hello, I am looking for a fic. It's set during a canonish era war and follows WWX. I think he's on his own leading troops and not with other main characters. After things are done the Madame Yu and JC are found to have committed war crimes. She is executed and JC is made to go help the people they harmed w/ his core sealed for a number of years. Any help is appreciated.

FOUND? 🔒 Crossing Paths by Ilona22 (M, 21k, wangxian, shapeshifter au, graphic depictions of violence, war between sects, war crimes, not JC friendly, happy ending)

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18. I need help finding a fic. I remember it was during CR era (I think) and LWJ gets cursed into having a lady part and the only way for him to return to his previous form is to orgasm. He doesnt know how to do that with female parts and WWX offers to help him with it. Starts off slow but they end up having sex multiple times over multiple nights. LWJ eventually gets close to an orgasm but stops WWX cause he thinks breaking the curse would mean he and WWX have to stop having sex. @727432rehhjkdjhe

FOUND? Coming Back to Yourself by acernor (E, 21k, wangxian, Vaginal Fingering, Cunnilingus, Oral Sex, Pining, Gender or Sex Swap, Vaginal Sex)

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19. looking for a fic in which wwx and jc are at a cultivation conference and lwj is terrifying actually. kinda yunmeng bros reconciliation but idk??? @skyerie

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20. Hi!! I'm trying to find a fic I'veread a while ago, but I can't find it anywhere. Wy, once reborn, didn't see Lz's scars while Lz was bathing in the cold springs and he tried to steal the jade pass. Once they get together is where the plot kinda flees from my mind. I don't remember if Lz only ever had sex with Wy if he (Lz) was almost fully clothed or if he just straight up refused to be intimate. I guess Wy fearing that Lz didn't find his new body attractive and voicing that fear to Lz is what makes Lz tell him the truth??? I'm not sure tho. Anyways, in the end, Lz reveals the scars that the discipline whip left on him, and tells Wy that he's never been ashamed of his scars, but that once Wy came back and they got together, he became terrified that Wy would find repulsive how deformed the scars made his back look.

~*~

21. hello! do you know of the dad!lwj fic where wwx falls in love with a-yuan and lwj via video calls

FOUND?🔒Wishing on Runway Lights by inflight_gremlin (E, 45k, WangXian, LSZ & LWJ, LSZ & WWX, LSZ & OYZZ, Modern, Pilot LWJ, Flight Attendant WWX, Single Parent LWJ, Meet-Cute, Relationship Speed-Run, Matchmaker LSZ, Adopted LSZ, Domestic Fluff, Brief Mention of Child Neglect (not from wangxian), Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, POV Alternating, LSZ Knows What He Wants, Slight Misunderstanding, Sexual Tension, no one is skipping meals, romcom vibes, Attempt at hallmark movie feels, Temporary Accidental Child Aquisition)

~*~

#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic finder #wangxian fic search #the untamed #wangxianficfinder #long post

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bloop-bl00p · 3 months ago

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Re-imagining the Extermination

TW: There’s like one image I could consider disturbing and such

Remember when back in the day before the series aired how the Exorcists were so hyped? They were this unavoidable threat looming over the heads of the characters, a reminder that if Charlie doesn't succeed in redemption, all of these characters will have to go years and years preparing themselves for a massacre and inevitably die a second time.

Then when we get to see them in the show a bit earlier than expected here how they act…

Maybe I hyped them too much.. I expected them to be fierce soldiers led by Michael or something.

The thing is, we don’t know what are the Exorcists yet, Adam said he named Vaggie (and probably the rest of the girls) but she’s still Salvadoran, which is really confusing. Hopefully, we’ll get more answers, my personal guess is that Viv is going to go with fan theories that they are humans. That can be interesting but if they are that doesn't explain why they thought themselves invincible.

I created something completely different, basing myself on multiple religious texts as always, I intend to make more posts about my rewrite of characters I drastically changed, and possibly one about Heaven. It’s gonna be long because I crammed a lot of information.

I. Why kill sinners?

Souls are powers, the more it sins, the stronger the 7 Deadly Sins get.

Hell started traditionally as a pit of fire and desolation, when The Seven Sins discovered they could get stronger through the humans, they completely reshaped Hell’s society and influenced Earth with the help of Hellborns.

Mammon is pretty much the reason why we live in a capitalistic society, as Greed is at the center of almost everything (The love for money is described as be Root of All Evil in the Bible.) So his influence on Earth was mirrored to create the Hellaverse we all know.

In Hell, Hellborns, rather than physically torture the Sinners, tempt and trap them in toxic lifestyles. Back in the day, Sinners could have access to the other Rings and indulge in a wide range of vices. Heaven noticed it and reacted immediately to prevent Lucifer’s rise in power and avoid a potential war. They came up with the Extermination and wisely decided to set this up at a very specific time.

You see, around the 16th century Lilith was expecting and she reached her 5 months of pregnancy for the first time in 6000 years. She was cursed by God after fleeing Eden, and all of her pregnancies usually end in miscarriage. Furthermore, she suffered ten times harder than any other woman.

So that's when they forced Lucifer to comply with their deals. He didn't want his wife to be in the middle of a war so he accepted. The deal essentially was that Angels could come to his kingdom once a year to kill as many people as possible, but if they dared to attack a Blue Blood he would bite back.

To diminish the amount of destruction that would be caused by the Exorcists all Sinners are confined to the Pride Ring as they are the main targets. But between us, if you’re a Hellborn and find yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time you’re dead.

Royalties are the only ones spared from the massacre, they picked a relatively weak type of angel to do the dirty work so the Exorcists aren’t even remotely strong enough to kill one of the 72 Lesser Keys, only lower ranks demons and sinners.

II. The Exorcists

The Watchers:

Over the few angels sent to observe humans' expansion, a considerably large amount of them have been exposed to Lucifer’s deviant ideologies and were inspired to follow The Traitor’s ideal and defy God’s plan. 200 of them put these doctrines into motion and their Heavenly Light got tainted by one sin, Lust.

They fell in love with the women on Earth and shapeshifted to marry those they lusted after, causing the birth of wicked creatures between Celestial beings and humankind, the Nephilim. Their second sin was to reveal forbidden knowledge to be viewed as deities unleashing Chaos and wars between humans (you know when we fight to know which God is stronger/real).

God put an end to this and sent Archangels who banished these 200 Watchers to Hell. To ensure that the rest of humanity wouldn’t be corrupted by their children, God flooded the Earth-saving few humans deemed as virtuous (Noah and his family weren't the only ones.)

The Watchers that remained were ripped off a considerable amount of their powers. They got disfigured to ensure the failure of any tentative seduction, and each of them is kept on a tight leash in Heaven unable to access most parts of Heaven without authorization and supervision.

The Birth of Exorcists:

Misael grew disdain for those of their kind who rebelled against the Lord as their trust and love for the Almighty was endless.

This loyalty permitted them to become the next leader of the Watcher after the betrayal of the former chief. The Watchers, alongside them, grew all bitter toward demons and their sinful siblings, a bitterness that turned into hatred for their peers.

When Misael heard the words of a possible uprising, they proposed an annual extermination as a last resort and a way for the Watchers to pay for the sins of their siblings. Which got accepted.

Few details about Misael:

→ Miseal means normally ‘As God is’ but my thought process was that Misia in Greek means ‘hate’ and they hate demons. I just added the ‘El’ syllabus of God.

→ Their voices are surprisingly soft, a bit like Blue Diamond, it almost make you forget that they are about to slice your throat open. They have this habit of reassuring sinners saying that their suffering is coming to an end.

III. Appearance:

Exorcists are lepers and constantly in pain, they were removed from their ability to shapeshift.

Today Leprosy is curable but before modern medicine, it was considered a divine punishment since they had no treatment. There are instances in the Bible where God punishes people by turning them into a leper.

They usually wear bandages to cover their face and this isn't even near how horrible their condition can get. The entirety of their body is sick and they wear large loose clothes to cover them, below the fabric they are still covered with bandages. The halo is in reference to the Crown of Thorns of Jesus, the Romans put it on his head as a form of humiliation. The Watchers used to have normal haloes but they aren't worthy of it anymore.

They are very much recognizable in Heaven as they are the only ones wearing black, to signify their loss of purity and kinda to represent their mourning for their Fallen siblings and the souls they are taking in Hell.

During the Exterminations, they wear silver masks, and Misael wears a golden one since they are the leader. They withhold close-range weapons as a reminder that they are taking lives.

The sun in the center of their armor is a reference to God (a symbol I created for my story) it’s in reference to the Morningstar trying to overcome the Sun.

I got lazy, I haven’t drawn anything in months, so I’m probably gonna re-draw this. I forgot a few details.

IV. Details

→ Each beginning of Extermination is announced by the sounds of Seven Trumpets playing at the same time.

→ They have to make the death as quick and painless as possible.

→ A list of names and ways of identification such as pictures is given to each of the Exorcists so they know who they should approach with caution. They can die, it may not be common but it’s still a possibility. Usually, they target Overlords as their activities in Hell make people sin more and more.

→ They have no right to kill anyone belonging to the Royalty, they don't have enough powers to. Any demons they encounter on the street however must be killed regardless of their status as hellborn or sinners.

→ They can affect technology, Hell has no natural light source as it’s the only place Gods do not pay attention. During the Exterminations, the electricity is completely shut down, the only source of light is the Heaven portals which disorient the sinners because it’s blinding.

→ Exorcists are killable, but usually when faced with 12-foot soldiers you back away. While they do wear armor that completely covers them if they get hurt somehow, they’ll regenerate unless it’s an angelic steel.

The only part that isn't protected is the base of their wings so with the right weapons you could cut it. Guns are also a possibility but their wings are big enough to be used as a shield (76 feet, I did the math.)

→ It’s rare but some Exorcists lose their weapons when facing sinners who fight back.

#anti vivziepop #hazbin hotel critical #hazbin hotel criticism #vivziepop critical #vivziepop criticism #vivziepop critique #hazbin hotel critique #hazbin hotel rewrite

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rosemarysage · 4 months ago

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Hello everybody! I’m trying to compile all the information we got about Onyx storm so it's easier to find. So below I have written everything Rebecca has said at recent events that I think could be relevant to OS or the next books. I left out the stuff I didn’t think was relevant like the T.V. show and personal questions about Rebecca. The links are at the bottom. The first two are from an audio recording. Many thanks to Tumblr user Skyfallscotland for posting the audio. I haven’t been able to find recordings for the Perth show and some of the other dates from these so if you have any information from them please let me know and I can update the post. I intend to add the older interviews later but I wanted to get this one up because we got lots of juicy details from the panels.

Fourth wing and iron flame spoilers

Sydney panel 6/22/24 Saturday

She has deviated from the Synopsis she made for the series

She knows what the last scene of the series will be

We will see more of the world in OS and the following books. The map is representative of what Violet knows so it will expand as Violet learns more.

Jack Barlowe is around and serves a purpose. He likely won’t be a main character. Rebecca likes bad characters to have a reason for doing bad things. Jack has always wanted power.

The interviewer asked her not to do a redemption arc for Jack and Rebecca said “Noted”

Dain represents the love you thought you wanted when you were younger

When Dain says, “If you had just told me none of this would have happened” in the interrogation chamber he’s not just talking about the interrogation but also Liam’s death and everything else.

Violet is completely disconnected from her magic in the interrogation chamber. She can’t reach out to her dragons or Xaden. Rebecca said that Violet's mind summoned Liam because he was her protector.

The interrogation scene ending with Dain and Xaden was the driving point of the writing process. There is a scene in OS that elicits similar emotions and Rebecca said we aren’t going to like it

Q&A

Jack likely won’t have a romantic relationship. He’s also probably not “the real enemies to lovers arc”

Garrick's signet is in book three

A rider doesn’t necessarily have the same traits as their dragon's color, sometimes they have the opposite and need their dragon to counter them. Brennan is a tactician and needs unpredictably and Imogen is a wild card. The dragon rider bond is kind of like a marriage.

Her editor got her to add Andarna. She is there to balance Tairns' massive power.

Someone asked if we would hear more about the first six and Andarna and she said “Maybe” is a funny voice

Violet’s dad is not Malek.

Sgaeyl is pissed at Xaden and is not speaking to him at the moment. She also mentioned the bond between them.

Someone accidentally asked if Xaden dated the prince instead of Violet. After they figured that out she said, “I think you should read the third book”

Sydney panel 6/24/24 Monday

She deviated from the plan for OS concerning a character's death.

Jack is an example of the hunger for power and what happens when you aren’t selected for the power you think you deserve

She expected us to figure out the second signet. Her editor asked her if it needed another line to make it clear and she said no they would get it.

The Taylor songs that describe OS are Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me and So It Goes.

Someone asked,” Have you considered doing a prequel on the first six or how the empyrean came about or will this be revealed in further books?” and she skipped it

Melbourne 6/25/24

The interviewer asked, “Do we already have a reference to Onyx that will reveal the title's meaning to us” Rebecca passed

The interviewer asked if we would get another POV from Xaden or anyone else and Rebecca said that she has established a record of showing a little bit of what Xaden is thinking.

She that we have already learned Violet's second signet

The interview asked if Garrick would realize Imogen is into him and Rebecca asked what makes us think he doesn’t know

When asked if we would learn more about Father Sorrengails research about feathertails she said “Maybe” again in a funny voice

Onyx Storm is very Rep coded. She listened to So it Goes a lot while writing OS.

In the interrogation scene, she is cut off from her magic so her mind “pulls” someone who protected her

The interviewer asked if Xaden and Sgaeyl were still bonded and she said, “Next time on fourth wing”

She was asked if Xaden and Violet are endgame and she passed and then said “I write romances”

Her favorite thing about Violet in OS is that she has one goal and she doesn’t care what stands in her way.

Seattle March

Sgaeyl is pissed and not speaking to Xaden

Xaden won’t get more POVs until he quits keeping secrets. His problems with Sgaeyl will be explored externally. The interviewer said that Xaden keeps secrets about things other an Aretia and Rebecca said, “Naturally”. Violet is way better at keeping secrets in OS. She’s in her reputation era.

A lot of things were set up in Fourth Wing that didn’t come into effect in Iron Flame that will in the upcoming books.

We should expect about the same amount of Xaden’s POVs in future books, namely end chapters and bonus chapters.

Rebecca said, “There is a correlation between less and less dragons bonding and more and more dragons saying what we are doing is wrong”

We will learn Violet’s father's name and more about him.

Xaden’s mom’s story will come up in later books.

The other three quadrants can drop out or change quadrants. Only the riders don’t allow this.

Miscellaneous

Rebecca said in an Instagram comment that she wrote a line referencing Xaden and the boys moving Violet’s armoire in OS.

Links

Sydney

https://www.tumblr.com/skyfallscotland/754271162361577472/it-took-me-far-too-long-to-realise-i-could-just

Melbourne 6/25

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8FrFupBTVgY&pp=ygUOcmViZWNjYSB5YXJyb3M%3D

Seattle March

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=v0yTEZBtpVQ&t=6s&pp=ygUOcmViZWNjYSB5YXJyb3M%3D

#fourth wing #iron flame #the empyrean #onyx storm #rebecca yarros

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fridayyy-13th · 4 months ago

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gonna be honest, feeling very conflicted about this episode, lads. i've been really hoping Protocol won't explain away the (NARRATIVELY IMPORTANT) mystery left at the end of Archives, i.e. Jon and Martin's fate, so seeing as they're the next thing Sam and Celia are gonna be investigating, this is kinda gonna be the thing that makes or breaks Protocol, for me.

i do think there's a solid chance Chester and Norris are the Jon and Martin from Protocol's universe, and that is something i absolutely would not mind. but i haven't actually made a post explaining why i think that, and i should probably do that before it's explained, just so i can mayyyybe say i called it.

(for the record, i'm pretty sure i came up with most of this before the series even officially dropped, when all we had was the ARG and the trailer. i haven't done much to connect this theory to the further information we've learned, so it's probably not fully accurate (if accurate at all). and quite a bit of it is kinda baseless conjecture; i'm just throwing my thoughts out there. just a little disclaimer.)

so!

in Archives, Jonah's primary motivation is fear of death. turning to the Eye is what allows him to body-hop as he does for 200 years, trying to create a world where his Patron reigns supreme, where he is seated upon its throne and cannot die. assuming his motivation is the same in Protocol, this new universe is (likely until recently) untouched by the Entities. if Jonah wanted to evade death, how could he do that without the help of an eldritch fear god?

easy—alchemy.

i'm not particularly knowledgeable about the subject as a whole, but i'm certainly familiar with the Philosopher's Stone (the symbol of which is also present in the OIAR's/podcast's logo, though it seems the OIAR is more focused on balance than on experimentation).

i also know that the seven metals used in alchemy (gold, silver, mercury, copper, lead, iron, and tin) are all components of computer chips. i've been thinking Jonah, or maybe his successors, saw that and began turning their research to how it could be utilized to extend—or preserve—life.

to cut to the chase, bc frankly it's hard trying to sound like i know what i'm talking about and this post would take forever to write otherwise, i think Jonah tried to Sergei Ushanka himself into a computer, because metal and plastic are a hell of a lot longer-lasting than a human being.

but he wouldn't shove his consciousness into some random motherboard without making sure it was safe, what do you take him for?? he is a man of academia. obviously he had to test it on others first, and then he'd do it himself.

cue the thought experiments the Institute ran on kids. the things the experiments quantify are empathy and obedience to authority, which to me screams that they were trying to find kids who were easy to manipulate into more dangerous experiments.

and who are two characters who were kids in the 90s, with circumstances that left them lonely, isolated, and who, even as adults, are desperate to please (whether a parent or a bad boss)? Jon and Martin.

i posit that Jon and Martin were both victims of these experiments, perhaps the first (and only) successful subjects, and Jonah uploaded his consciousness to the computer soon after. their records could have been stricken from the spreadsheet to hide that they'd even been part of the program, and given the Institute burned down soon after, and there were no survivors—it could have been assumed that they'd died in the fire. it isn't like they had the most doting guardians to worry over them.

...but Chester and Norris's voices are those of adult Jon and Martin.

best i can figure, Jonah's plan might have worked in the short term, but computers have had date/time hardware in them since the 80s, so they—and Augustus—are still aging. so they've been trapped in computer software since 1999, and now that Sam and Celia are digging into what happened, they're desperate to catch their attention and find a way out.

(and lastly, a fun little thought—given Jon and Martin were both born circa 1987, they would have been twelve in 1999. they didn't even get to be teenagers.)

#i could be way off base with this!! who knows. but i'm throwing it out there anyway Just In Case I'm Right #and if i am i will never shut up about it for the rest of forever. just so y'all know.#if this isn't what happens i do in fact already have notes for a fanfic lmao. childhood best friends anyone??#friday chats #the magnus protocol #tmagp spoilers #tmagp 22 #tmagp theory #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #jonah magnus #chester tmagp #norris tmagp #augustus tmagp

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ifuckingloveryoshu · 3 months ago

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I said Id keep all murder on the warp express spoilers till 8/31 but. *BIG Spoilers FOR MURDER ON THE WARP TRAIN EXPRESS AND DISTORTION DETECTIVE*

I originally just wanted to make a horny post but here we are now, Don post. And keep in mind, all of this is speculation all hearsay and I have not read Don's book.

I might redesign and just redo my self insert oc for one if Bloodfeinds have a thing with masks and if the Pinky Finger has blood feinds? Its only heavy spectulation on my end given the scrapes and blood on the finer from Ryoshu's art. Unrelated but the mask make me thing about Jojo and the Pillar Men. Uhh, more speculation actually, maybe all Kindred in their culture, take the mantel of another role or face? For Don, its the valiant hero. With blood being part of their image, their goal is extending their influnce.

Go further, maybe the Mask and Rocinante can be related in the roles they want to play. The Barber was mentioned and I heard the original Don took the shaving thing used to collect hair from the barber and used it as a hat. I'm thinking for Casstti at least, the technology of that mask after getting enough blood would make him look all human.

From Distortion Detective Chapters 41 and 42 before they axed the series, here we have:

For context: Moses is talking to an older Bloodfeind in this fancy hotel because she wants Moses to murder her. For one, yeah they do feed on human but their not overtly evil? It's a hidden evil but tame for City standards. Elena was just a big exception but popular enough to give the whole species a bad reputation.

From Distortion Detective, we get the information that Bloodfeinds like keeping their numbers low.

There honestly must be cultural diffrences between blood feind populations of diffrent Districts. Don might actually be an Elder.

Also, it's not a new plot point with a bloodfeind who doesn't conciously know their a blood feind.

So does the Distortion inside bloodfeinds have to be awaken? I have no idea, but Rocinante seems to be Don's anchor.

When we meet another Bloodfeind, perhaps an elder one, it doesn't seem in the norm for Bloodfeinds in general to do giant blood bag and conversion things. This is a very hopeful reading of what can easily get retconed but my guess is Elder Bloodfeinds just drink a little bit and then normally let their victims go. But again, we never found out if this person was reliable or not because Project Moon discontinued Distortion Detective. Elena is an outliar among bloodfeinds and Casstti is put into a warp train as a blood feind, in an enviornment that gives as much blood as you want.

Wherever Casstti's from, he was running away to make his own 'kingdom' because where hes from was awful. He had no idea how the Warp Train would opperate. None of this was planned, everything was incidental.

My theory on the events: Cassetti hides in the freightcar to escape wherever he is from and hes been hiding there eversince to get enough blood to make his mask so he can blend in with the City residents, hide his bloodfeind features, maybe fuse with his mask. But, the bus woke him up and maybe he was spotted by the multi-armed fixers where he feels compelled to make Sasha a Kindred after her helplessness. Then our gang comes and fights him. Yeah. So many things to look forward to. And if the connection of the Barber in Don's story, a one off thing, Cassetti might be coming from P Corp. Two things i've just seen from Lob Corp's Shelter from the 27th of March and the Library Of Ruina Wiki:

We're off for a ride next Canto, that is certain. Thank you to anyone who decides to read this. If anyone else would love to build off this or correct me, that would be heavily appreciated.

#murder on the warp express spoilers #limbus company #murder on the warp #not ryoshu related

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oftlunarialmoon · 9 months ago

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5 Super Fun Age Regression Self-Care Ideas! - Age Regression Series

Originally posted to www.onlyfunthings.org on January 14, 2019

Ciao lovelies! Today’s post is for all the age regressors out there that read OFT! (Hi yes, I see you, you are valid and amazing!). You all seemed to like my last two posts on Age Regression (my post on What Is Age Regression, and Age Regression Journaling) and I got a lot of positive feedback, so I wanted to make you all more content!

If you are confused about what Age Regression is please see this post (click me!) regarding what it is, myths about it, and some regressor’s personal opinions as to why they regress and use regression as a coping mechanism.

A short definition is: Age Regression is a coping mechanism used by some to help with trauma, anxiety, depression, PTSD, and other mental illness, and some just use it to cope with stress. During age regression a person’s headspace becomes regressed to a younger age. A person who is regressing may act younger and more carefree and may have more “Childish” interests. Simply, age regression is a coping mechanism.

I am not a therapist nor a licensed professional, any and all advice and information given on this coping mechanism comes from a variety of sources such as: testimonies from age regressors, personal experience, and personally knowing some people who age regress.

So now that all that is out of the way, let’s get into the self-care ideas!

#1- Coloring! Many people use coloring as a stress reliever, and I know of many, many age regressors who love to color! Coloring can be fun because you don’t have to draw from scratch, you can just focus on filling in blank space with beautiful color. You can find all sorts of kids coloring books on sale at dollar stores for $1! Dollar Tree has a bunch! You can also print your own coloring pages if you don’t like any coloring books at the store. You could even make a whole coloring book binder completely customized to your interests!

#2- Treat yourself to a little something! Whether you get yourself a blindbox toy, some candy, or even an ice cream cone, maybe take the time to get yourself a little something, because you totally deserve it!

#3- Have a small day! Has life been stressing you out? Have you been busy with work, school, and other stressful things? Well, if you have the time, maybe take a day to just be a kid! (AKA- let yourself regress!) Take the time to make a nice little day out of it. Maybe plan a small outing to the park or to the mall, or if you’re more comfortable, spend the day at home. If you stay at home, maybe lay out a blanket on your bed or on the floor, wherever you feel more comfy, and make a small space with your favorite toys, stuffed animals, and coloring book!

#4- Blanket Fort! A great fun thing to do when you’re regressed that can be awesome for self-care is to build a blanket fort! You can use pillows and chairs and blankets and sheets to build the fort, and you could have stuffed animals guarding your fort!

#5- Make yourself a sticker chart! We have a whole post explaining why Sticker Charts are Good for Your Mental Health! Make yourself a sticker chart with all your daily to-dos, and reward yourself when you fill up a row!

What do you think of these ideas? Let us know in the comments! And let me know if you want to see more content like this! I figured since our last age regression posts were so well-liked, I should make some more content like it!

Remember to Stay Awesome and Love Yourself!

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two-white-butterflies · 1 year ago

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you're losing me (five) | am. targaryen and j. velaryon

Description: Aemond gets sit down and added to his father's will. Viserys hires a private investigator to find out about your background. Rating: General Audiences part four

Aemond couldn't believe that he was giddy at the premise of inheriting his family's business. Fire and Blood Corporations ruled over the world - from trade to the food industry, now he was going to own 49.7% of it - all thanks to you.

"Now I understand that I was the one who started it," Viserys breathes, browsing through the dozens of folders on his desk. "- and I intend to keep my promise," the man signs a piece of paper that had their names on it.

"I will give you my company, and you'll have it after the wedding." his father smiles proudly, clicking his fountain pen. Aemond was just about to sign it, but Viserys pulls the paper back. "- you can sign this after our private investigator sends me the details about your fiancee." Viserys explained, quickly placing the contact inside his drawer. He pales slightly - they were fucked.

His father was going to find out about the debt you had with the IRS, and your father's arrest warrant with the Interpol. He was colossally fucked - and he had no plans in bringing you down with him. Aemond breathes, trying to calm himself down. "Of course, when is that?" he inquired - straightening his suit.

"Next week," Viserys replied.

Aemond felt like relapsing back into his old routine of fucking girls and drinking lots of booze. He takes a nervous bite of his mini Oreos, completely oblivious that you began to make your way beside him. "You okay, honey?" you inquire, placing a strand of his hair behind his ear. He nods his head - not giving you his full attention.

"I want to say something," you hum - pulling the jar of cookies away from his hands. He turns to look at you - eyes softening at the sight of your features. He was fucked - and he seemed okay with that, because he was with you. "What is it?" he asked, the nervousness beginning to flow away from his body.

"I like you." you confess - and that nervousness floods his system. His mind raced through a million thoughts - what did you mean by that? "In a romantic way," you add, staring at the ground. It would be embarrassing if he rejected you.

Instead of using his words - he takes your hands, pressing a kiss on the back of your palms. "And maybe we can turn this into a real thing?" you smiled - he smiles too.

"I love you."

(your first name): not the kind to post a lot, but bah whatever. these series of pics really embody the aesthetic of my new album. (that's not yet finished, i'm so sorry 😭) dress, lover and paper rings are singles - tho some of the things i released (peace and cardigan) are part of the album.

467 comments 1,238,100 likes

whiskeyonice: PEACE IS ABOUT JACK IN A BOX RIGHT?

TACO23849: watch her turn 'peace' about aemond 😎 - y/nliverspread: wait?? noo aemond cannot be?? is he?? -TACO23849: here we go again with the memes lol 💀😐

"She owes the IRS a lot of money, sir." the private investigator clears his throat - lowering the piece of paper in front of his boss. He was given a window of one week - but an hour was enough to find information about the pop-star.

"She's not paying her taxes?" Viserys raised his eyebrows.

"She doesn't have money to pay, sir." the man breathes. Anger begins flooding the patriarch's body. He wasn't going to let you marry his son. It would be shameful - it would ruin the family's reputation.

"Can you call Alicent? I need to talk to her." Viserys' lips turn into a thin line.

You were surprised when Alicent invited you for a cup of tea. Your boyfriend's mother kept to herself, only giving you small smiles and nods in the party - but now her entire atmosphere seemed to change. Alicent wasn't smiling or nodding - she was glaring at you.

"I like your ring," you compliment - settling down parallel her body. "It was a gift to me, by my husband. It used to belong to his grandmother." Alicent scowled, the waiter began to place a cup of tea in front of you. "Let me ask you (Your Name), what is your job?" she asked, placing a tart on her plate. You take a deep breath.

"I'm a singer." you answer, taking a small sip of the chamomile blend. "I was a model before I met Viserys - and I quit, because marrying into the Targaryen family is a job." she informed, gazing upon your face to measure every indent. "Pardon?" you breathe, in shock that this was happening to you.

You saw it happen in those Spanish novellas that your mother used to watch. What was going to happen next? Was she going to offer a million dollars so you'll stay away from her son?

"My husband knows that you are drowning in debt, he's not going to let the wedding pull through. If it does - Aemond is not going to inherit the company. Which I assume is the reason that you're marrying him in the first place." Alicent presses her lips into a thin line. Her heart reached out for you - but she loved her son.

Alicent reaches for her handbag, dropping a few thousand dollars to cover the bill. "Please, stay away from us." she pleaded - rising to her feet. "I'm not here for money - I thought I was. I've fallen for your son." you admit, making her freeze for a few seconds.

"- but you're his mother, and you know what's good for him. I want you to remember - when Aemond has children of his own, with a woman that you think is respectable. I want you to remember that it was because of me, and that I chose to stay away." you stand up, removing the wedding band from your fingers.

Stop you're losing me.

You're losing me.

"I don't know what you'll say to him, but I want you to know - that it wasn't hard loving your son." you smile, returning the engagement ring to her. These halls will never be the same again. Alicent's face softens. She opens her arms - welcoming you with an embrace.

"Thank you, (Your Name)" she responds bitterly.

AEMOND TARGARYEN 3:24PM Where are you?

YOU 3:25PM i'm so sorry

YOU 3:26PM they know the truth, that i'm apparently 'drowning' in debt. i don't think that we should be together anymore, and i feel really shitty for breaking up with you over text.

AEMOND TARGARYEN 3:26PM No, we're not breaking up. My mom got to you didn't she?

AEMOND TARGARYEN 3:26PM I don't give a fuck about the inheritance, I'm already rich. I just wanted to give a colossal 'fuck you' to Rhaenyra.

YOU 3:27PM it was never going to work, we're worlds apart.

You reply to him with a deep exhale. It was going to be worth it in the end, because he'd find a woman that was worth fighting for.

A beautiful fool who could hide behind his shadows and appreciate his shine - not you, not a person who had her own shimmer.

(your full name): i had a wonderful time ruining everything, thank you for having me europe 💗

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y/n's kitten: I want to thank Aemond Targaryen for giving us the best bridge in the entire universe. "Your midas touch on the chevy door, November flush and your flannel cure, this dorm was once a madhouse, I made a joke well 'it's made for me.' How evergreen are group of friends, don't think we'll say that word again. And soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls that we once walked through. ONE FOR THE MONEY TWO FOR THE SHOW. I NEVER WAS READY SO I WATCHED YOU GO. Sometimes you just don't know the answer TILL SOMEONE'S ON THEIR KNEES AND ASKS YOU. SHE WOULD'VE MAKE SUCH A LOVELY BRIDE WHAT A SHAME SHE'S FUCKED IN THE HEAD. they said, but you'll find the real thing instead SHE'LL patch up your tapestry that I SHRED."

34 comments 34,589 likes

sexybaby: nah I have beef with him because why is mom's comments suddenly restricted ackk ☹️ -applepie59: Her comments r restricted because americans keep asking her to tour there 💀 which she can't bcuz girl aint paying her taxes -sexybaby: bitch she isn't even in america full time why the fuck is she gonna pay for taxes? -apllypie59: Y/N's kittens stay delulu

y/nismysavior: I'm not heartbroken, also me: Y/N L/N

(your full name): Merci Paris 🥰 I will come back soon

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"How long are you going to keep attending her tour?" Aegon makes his way towards Aemond's hotel room - callously smoking a cigarette knowing that he wouldn't get into trouble because his grandfather owned the building. "As long as I want to." Aemond replied, glaring at his older brother. "Just watching her then? No talking?" Aegon insinuates - eyes narrowing.

"She seems okay." he breaths.

"Well I've been beside you during those concerts and you aren't analyzing her note changes or speeches enough." Aegon rolls his eyes - unable to admit that he was still one of the Y/N's kittens. "And you pay attention to that?" Aemond turns his head, slowly placing the duvet on top of his body. Aegon chuckles, already having a 100 paged slideshow in the back of his mind.

Aegon was able to note how your voice changed when you sang about the greatest loves of all time. How it cracked when you were singing about the snow-globe spinning round and round, and how his brother keeps a picture of you in his office downtown. "Men are so stupid," he shook his head - leaving the room and slamming the door shut.

part six

@glame @xcinnamonmalfoyx @winxchesters @yentroucnagol @hotchnerswife @mxxny-lupin @joliettes @kemillyfreitas @mxtantrights @urmomsgirlfriend1 @kravitzwhore @sweethoneyblossom1 @introverbatim @flrboyd @kemillyfreitas

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accio-victuuri · 9 months ago

Text

there are a lot bits and pieces still going around and being discussed about the hengdian clownery. personally, the most interesting is the fact that where wyb is supposed to be is 15 minutes away to where xz is staying in hengdian — and the timeline we are now piecing together. 🧩

where wyb was supposed to be is not actually inside “hengdian world studios” but as good as. to those who are confused because what people are posting is that douyin has him located in “dongyang” last 2/18 and allegedly last 2/2. well, this information below may explain why:

XZ is staying at Radisson Hotel which is where WYB also stayed when he did LOF and Luoyang. XZ used it too when he was filming YGY and this filming time was when an AUX appliance ( endorsed by WYB ) was found sent to the hotel. So you can say that they are familiar with this place so if there is somewhere to meet then this is their best bet. I’m pretty sure this place is discreet and employees may be given NDAs by companies that have their talents staying there. In this case, a VIP client like Xiao Zhan will not be there and continue to do so without specific arrangements done for him.

there is also a comment from someone who is familiar with Hengdian, that this hotel is close to the expressway, like 3-5 mins away. so it is convenient if you need to move around. we don’t really know anything about WYB’s movie or whatever project he is doing, but seeing this, it’s most likely in Zhejiang. this makes sense cause when the news about the location was out, others tested it and wyb was no longer 7km away but 30km. meaning he has left the hotel and posted on douyin on his way back to work. this is a classic meeting up on their part when their locations are close.

2/2 - WYB’s douyin IP is turned off. This only means his IP will not be visible in his profile, but his location can still be tracked when he posts something ( allegedly ). So it could be because he went to HD or they have plans of meeting up so it’s best to be safe.

2/5 - XZ went to Hangzhou to film his performance for BRTV spring festival gala. XZS shared a behind the scenes of that and one thing cpfs noticed was a particular suitcase. the comment was hilarious actually cause the fan was asking why the suitcase was so old and beat up 😂😂😂

turns out, this looks really similar to a suitcase wyb used back in 2016. it makes sense that it’s beat up and covered in different things now. i know that wyb is not the only person who can have this suitcase but this is just how cpns go. 🤷🏻‍♀️

my clown mind also likes the idea of wyb being there. it’s not as notorious as hengdian world studios with all the paparazzi. the place xz shot this at is pretty lowkey, so wyb can blend in if he visits.

2/9 - GG posted a selfie which has it’s variety of cpn speculations on it’s own. however, looking at it with what we have now — this makes more sense now:

the second photo shared by xz is really a clue. the ybo art was also so focused on how the ornament was placed. maybe yibo was the one who placed that? and it’s why xz was so fixated. ☺️

and so they were both quiet for the duration of the holidays. xz breaking that with the 5th day for the god of wealth — which is a stock video. i don’t fault him for that tho, he is free to relax.

2/13 - WYB has added some love songs to his qq playlist and the subjects of it : “accompanying is the longest love confession” and being happy despite of a cloudy day? It could be he is missing XZ, especially that Valentines Day is the next day. Maybe he traveled to closer to XZ on 2/14. Take note that XZ is continuously working on the drama, he only had a few days completely off.

2/17 - XZS posted a series of photos that some of his solo fans said is different from what was shared last year. It can be they couldn’t do any new materials because XZ was busy with work + WYB is there. Who knows when they will be able to spend this time together again. I like the idea of their staff respecting their time alone together. They both deserve it 🤎

WHICH LEADS US TO 2/18 when the whole wyb in hengdian issue came up. ⭕️

This may be expanded once we get more clues but this is what we have so far.

-END.

#yizhan #bjyx #there is no science here i’m just clowning like i always do

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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 1 year ago

Note

Maybe more on Misa being an Actual Intelligent Character in Death Note? If it wasn’t for the sexism n all that

A bit about Misa's death as well as the sexism in Death Note.

Sure, that's certainly worthy of a post.

On Misa Amane

The thing about Misa is she's actually very clever, she's just reckless and lacks experience in police investigations/forensics. Most of fandom (at least as of years ago, haven't tapped in in a very long time) compares Misa to either L or Light and finds her lacking.

The thing about Light is that, while he'll take risks, they're often very calculated with 1001 different contingency plans. His reckless moments happen, as do moments spurred by emotion rather than cold logic, but they're remarkable because they happen relatively infrequently.

Add to the fact that Light stands out of the crowd because he's this ridiculous, anal, brilliant planner.

Misa approaches things as problems to solve and is actually very efficient about solving them.

Problem Solving: Misa Style

She wants to meet Kira, she's not necessarily considering what could go wrong (she has very little self worth) or how this would look in a police investigation (she only knows basics of this/pop culture and isn't brought up in a police household the way Light is). What she is able to do is in a population of millions, within a few weeks, find Kira before he finds her, plan a meeting with him without his knowledge and without getting caught by the police, and is then able to enter a relationship with him.

True, she has the eyes, she has Rem who is willing to die for her, but she not only finds Light Yagami out of millions, with none of the information L has at his disposal, but she strong arms him into doing what she wants.

Later, in the Yotsuba Arc, Misa recovers her memories before Light and in a single afternoon not only escapes police custody but gets a confession out of Higuchi, gets it recorded, all without outing herself as Kira.

I think it's also telling that Light trusts her to pull this off without any supervision from him and with Rem's disapproval of Light and all his schemes.

Later, when she's memoryless, she essentially wins a battle of wits/discussion with Takeda (who has become Misa's temporary/disposable replacement).

And at the end of the day you have to look at the position Misa ends up in. She was never killed off by Light, she ends up essentially Light's permanent partner even when he replaces her with the likes of Mikami and Takeda (Light stays with Misa even when he, in theory, had no more use for her), and she essentially gets everything she sought out to achieve.

Of course, Light then dies, but Misa was out of the game by that point.

Misa achieves what no other character in Death Note does. Which, frankly, makes her one of the most terrifyingly intelligent characters in the series.

#death note #death note meta #death note headcanon #misa amane #meta #headcanon #opinion

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senpiecakes · 2 years ago

Text

A Love Not Meant to Be: Childe

Notes: I saw this in my drafts, and I haven't posted anything in this series for a while so I was like 'fuck it, I'm gonna finish it.' (lowkey this made me cry while I listened to the song)

Summary: Hated by everyone, loved by you.

Theme/s: GN!Reader, Angst No Comfort, the world hates you both

Warning/s: Some very mean words from the world. That's about it.

Once More to See You by Mitski

5.5k Words

“I’ll protect you.”

Childe is known to be protective of those he loves. He goes out of his way to spin elaborate lies for his youngest brother to protect his innocence, he makes sure to keep his whole family out of harm's way because of his job, and he will strike down any enemy that dares to threaten his loved ones. In all of that, there was you. You loved Childe dearly, and it was clear he had the same feelings for you. Childe shows you off to his subordinates, pampers you with his wealth and makes sure you’re top priority always. That included your safety. Everywhere you went, bodyguards kept a close distance, if you were out with Childe, he’d keep a secure arm around you, even at home he’d make sure you’re safe- especially when you’re alone. All that you could trust him in. Childe only sees threats in the form of enemies, never in the common folk that walk with you in the streets day to day.

‘There goes that Fatui’s hound.’

‘Can you believe they’re actually WITH a Harbinger?’

‘I bet you they’re kidnapped or blackmailed.’

Everyday, hushed voices would throw scorn at you and Childe as you passed. You knew of the world’s disdain for the Fatui but you also knew Childe. He was sweet, caring, protective and you knew in your heart he would never hurt you. But you were also aware of his reputation; his strength in battle, his ability to harm warranted or not, his sworn duty to an Archon planning to rid the world of Gods. It was only fair of people to have their opinions about Childe. But you knew deep down how much the man can love- if the rest of the world saw him through your eyes, maybe their opinions of him would change. People feared him, but they had the gall to throw their cowardly vices towards you.

Some days, you tell your bodyguards to lay back for a while, that you can handle yourself while you grocery shop. Despite your commands, they follow you. On those days when you appear to be alone, people made it clear how much they truly hated the man you loved. They would be more vocal about their jeers, going as far as to tell you directly that you should be ashamed for being with him. You’d defend Childe with all that you can and that usually results in many unsavory exchanges.

People refusing to sell you things in fear that Childe may target them, some barring you from their business with the most ridiculous reasons, others even outright mocking you. That’s when your bodyguards step in and you fear that it only escalates things further- that you had to be kept within a wall.

‘I knew you’re a coward, hiding behind that Fatui freak.’

You don’t really think much about these encounters, never speaking a word about it to Childe until your bodyguards inform him of all that’s happened.

“Do you want me to deal with them?” He asks you one night.

“What? No! I can handle myself.” You say.

“Well, alright. Just tell me if anything else happens, okay?”

In truth, you knew if Childe stepped in it would make things worse. You didn’t want him to shoulder all the weight and responsibility of keeping those he loved safe. He already has so many stresses happening at once, one more problem could send him over the edge. And so, you bore through it because you loved him. It was all that you needed.

It was until strange things started happening around your home- the place where you felt the most secure. Rocks thrown at your windows, strangers standing only a few feet away from your doorstep, light acts of vandalism appearing on your property. Only then did you start fearing for your life. You brought the issue up to Childe who kept guard throughout the night, but miraculously, nothing ever happens when he’s at home. It’s only when you’re by yourself that people seem to go out of their way to take out their frustrations of Childe onto you. You didn’t think that people could be so cruel. Then again, they had a reason to hate Childe- but they had no excuse to show their hatred through you.

Childe always noticed your fears. As much as he tried to relieve it, the world always seemed to push his efforts away. Even as he volunteers to deal with the problem himself, you hold him back. As much as it angers him to see you look so vulnerable, he knows it’ll only make things worse.

Things came to a boiling point when Childe suggested you two take a walk together around town to take your mind off of things. You were reluctant to be seen with him, which was silly but reasonable. In the end, you agreed and Childe was more observant in his surroundings more than ever. His head was held up high, scanning the crowd who turned away as they met his cold gaze. You on the other hand kept your eyes low on the ground, fearing that someone would be brave enough to cross Childe’s wrath. He noticed this, noticed your shying away as if you were embarrassed to be seen with him, and he could do nothing to ease you of your worries.

It’ll only make things worse.

As you walked, Childe led you away to a place with little to no people- a place where you can breathe. He savors this moment with you. He never really has time to be at home so Childe always makes sure to spend as much time with you as he can, pouring out his heart when he’s absent during the night when you sleep.

“You know, you’re the realest thing I’ve had in a while.” Childe says, taking your fingers in his hands. “Thank you.” He looked at you and was surprised to see your face. Quick was your change of expression- a look of fear as you glanced down at his hand, then back up at Childe. Your eyes, wide and worried, wandering around the near-empty streets as you took your fingers away by impulse and smiled awkwardly.

“Ah… well, let’s get going before it gets too dark.”

It was clear how much of a toll the fear had on you. You barely went out to shop anymore, spending your days and nights locked up in your house, counting down the days for Childe’s return from a mission. He worries about you, even more so when you start acting differently towards him. You’re silent, shrinking away from his touch, never wanting to go out for dinners and always afraid of seeing him off- even if it was just at your front door. You worried about your long term future with him. You wanted life with Childe to be normal- that one day if would just be the two of you living a mundane but peaceful life. Childe was angry and heartbroken; angry at the fact that he is powerless to change the minds of people, to stop them from seeing his infamy through you. Heartbroken at the fact that you drift away because of the very same people that convince you that loving him was a sin. Childe needed to take you out of there.

And so, you move. He takes you to his missions and you find temporary housing in whatever nation his job lands him in. You thought you could handle it, that starting fresh would be what’s best, but it seemed that this lifestyle was far more exhausting than the one you had before. You never had a home; whenever you felt comfortable in your new living space, Childe always finishes up his mission before you even get the chance to look around the place. You don’t get to stay for long anyways; the longer you stay, the more people recognize Childe and soon you are back in the cycle of hate. As much as Childe tried to keep you from harm's way, it never felt safe. It was draining, but you held on for Childe’s sake. He just wanted to keep you safe.

“Let’s go back home to Snezhnaya.” Childe suggested one night. “I think it’ll be good for both of us.” You knew why Childe wanted to go back home. He needed peace away from the dangers of his duty and you were more than happy to be there with him. Still, you can’t really shake off the paranoia you’ve acquired after running away for so long.

“What about your work?” You ask.

“I’ve requested a time off. I’ve been doing great anyways.”

“We can’t stay with your family.” You say silently, looking down at your hands. “We can’t risk it. After all the places we’ve been, people are bound to recognize me now.”

“I know.” Childe responds. “I rented us a cabin in the forest. Just the two of us.”

Soon enough, you found yourself in the winters of Snezhnaya, in a little wooden cabin surrounded by tall trees, blanketed by snow under the dome of endless sky. It really was just the two of you. Childe watches in adoration as you feel yourself feeling free for the first time in a while. He smiles as you do back at him, bounding through the snow and into his open arms.

Childe hasn’t felt you this close in so long. He’s gone on nights and on days you’re withdrawn. He wants to get carried away with you. Your comforting embrace was almost enough to send him over the edge.

“I missed you.” He whispers in your ear, tone mirroring that of a desperate man waiting to be satisfied.

He wants to devour you like a wolf; caught between your teeth and tongue like a ravaged, hungry animal waiting for the warmth that comes with death as soon as he takes the first bite. And all that Childe has ever known was hunger; to hunt and to take what was never given to him. He will kiss till you are breathless, till your skin burns with desire and lips shed the blood he once ravaged others to get- to release the tension built up in his bones when he failed to protect you from the world. But he is in your hands. He’d let you tame him if it meant he’d get to feel your love like the way he used to.

Tonight, as you spare him a fluttering kiss, sweet like candy and warm like the blood he craves- Childe falters. You barely have your lips on his, but as soon as he feels the delicate brush of your skin, the slight exhale through your nose on his cheek as if to say you feel secure, Childe is at the mercy of the prey that was once in his control. He will not bite the hand that feeds him, and so, he simply closes his eyes and sinks into the innocence of your willingness to be in his grasp. His mind races with all the things that had happened to the both of you. You endured so much for him and the thought of that makes Childe feel guilt like never before.

The world slows to let Childe’s heart thrum madly in his chest. He feels you inch in closer, fingers interlocking with him as he feels the tension leave your shoulders, the weight of fear from the past now gone. You’re with him. You’re both alone. You’re safe.

Childe will not be the monster the world portrays him to be- not especially around you. But even if you see him in his prime- blue waves crashing into violent lighting- how could you kiss him like he’s a man fit to hold the beauty of the world? He’s shown you how childish, immature, selfish and brash he could be, all the while he stubbornly wants to keep you at his side for his sake. Even then, you chose to stay. You didn’t want to push him away. Childe feels as though he doesn’t deserve this.

Tell me, he thinks. How could you love me for who I am?

“How could you still be with me for all the things I’ve done?” Childe mumbles, voice breaking as he pulls you in. “The blood on my hands, the lives it took-“ You stop him. Childe falls silent and your response nearly makes him lose his composure.

“You were just a kid.” You whisper, taking his face in your steady hands. “You were never given a choice.” Childe breathes hard as he studies your hardened eyes, scolding him almost. He wasn’t the type to show weakness, not with you, not with gentle scolding. But this- you’re giving him a choice- a choice of freedom. To be unshackled by the consequences of his past and allow him to be vulnerable, even for just a second.

The snowfall was quiet, and so were you. You knew what you had to say and Childe knows what it was. He just didn’t want to accept it.

“You know we can’t keep running away, Childe.”

Childe doesn’t answer and instead looks away, his eyes darting back and forth, refusing to look at you. His jaw was tight and his hands were clenched into a fist. You soften at the sight. You know that looks all too well. It was Childe’s way of showing fear. He wasn’t really afraid- only frustrated and fearful of the consequence of his actions. He knows deep down that he can’t keep running. He can’t take you with him and he refuses to let you go. You’re tired, he knows that, he just doesn’t ever want to lose you.

“Ajax,” you say, your hand landing on Childe’s cheek. He nearly flinches away from your touch, but instead he relents and allows himself to melt into you- his kiss finding home in the warmth of your palms. “What are you so afraid of?” Truth be told, Childe wasn’t as brave as he presents himself to be. He was just a person like everyone else; he had his own fears, worries, doubts and regrets. Many of those he did on his own, but now they’ve caught up to him, and he is more afraid of consequences now than he has ever been. All because of you. Childe ran away from all those problems before, but if those consequences catch up to him, they’d cost him you. You who fought with him so bravely- never afraid of him and his tainted past. You who stuck by him even when the world seemed to treat you like an outcast for even associating yourself with him. You who had sacrificed everything for him, defended him when he refused to do the same for himself. He was given a glimpse of the risks that came with his dangerous job. Soon, people would find the courage to test his strength. By all means, it would always cost you your freedom.

“Of you.” Childe says finally. “I’m scared of everything because of you.” It was hypocritical of him to think this way, especially since he was the one who put your life at risk and your reputation hanging on by a string. But you were braver than him in a way that was sane- and you still had the courage to look at him as if he were just any other person in the world. His dream of normalcy, you never took it away.

“Then why don’t you leave me?” Childe scoffs

“It’s not that easy for me to do that, you know?” He says with a weak laugh. He can’t leave you alone. He doesn’t want to, he would never want to.

“Then I’ll do it for you.” You say. “I’ll go far away and things will go back to normal.”

Childe looks at you surprised. He knows you’re doing this for his own sake and yours, that you’re doing what’s best even if it hurts. But why does he feel so betrayed? Why would you of all people leave him that quickly with all those promises and hopes and dreams for the future? Why would you be the one to crush them? Did any of it mean nothing? Why was it so easy for you to abandon what you had with him? Childe wanted to fight, argue and win you over again and again even if it meant you both had to go through heartbreak together. He needed you. He wanted to battle- but instead you calmed him with a look. A look he knew so well, so pleasant, that Childe’s sea of emotions ebbed and he gave you space to talk.

“You’re joking, right? Tell me you’re joking.” He says incredulously. You don’t answer. “Y/N, come on-”

“I love you, Childe, but this isn’t healthy for either of us.” You say. Childe shakes his head in protest but stays silent, allowing your words to penetrate him painfully as he lets the gravity of your situations sink in. You were right, he can’t keep running.

“You can protect me all you want, but we can’t live like this. You have jobs to do, places to go where I can’t, and I can’t keep fearing for my life when I’m with you. I love you, but I can’t… we can’t escape this, we can’t run away.” You say. “The best thing we can do is to get away from each other.”

“No, don’t do this to me!” He begs, almost angry. Childe doesn’t look at you and instead looks down at his feet, his teeth gritting and jaw tight as you hold his face and will for him to look.

“If you love me, then you wouldn’t do this, you wouldn’t leave me.” He argues. You shake your head but he continues. “You’ll just be like everyone else if you do. You’ll betray me by leaving because you’re just like everyone else!” Childe was guilting you into staying. He knows how wrong it was, how selfish he was being, but he thought it would be the only way to keep you by his side. It was the only way he knew how.

“You and I both know that isn’t true.” You say. Childe balls his fists a shadow looms over his already darkened eyes.

“If you really loved me, you would stay.” His voice was a silent, forceful anger that made you pity him. But this, whatever you two had, was destructive; it hurt you both and you knew well that Childe would destroy himself and a million more just to get what he wants- just to keep you with him.

“I do love you, Childe,” You say and a hopeful shine appears in his eyes. “But not enough to make me want to stay.” And in a flash, it’s gone. Despair washes over Childe’s expression, soon replaced by anger and desperation. He towers over you, a dark aura emanating from his gaze.

“You’re a liar.” Childe spits out, venom lacing his tone. You stand your ground- you knew well Childe would never hurt you. He never had space to deal with his emotions in a healthy manner, and you knew this tantrum was to mask the true feelings of hurt he had inside. He didn’t want to be seen as weak and vulnerable, even if it were you.

You were lying. You loved Childe so much it hurt- but this relationship between you two had terrorized you far worse. As much as you loved him, as much as he meant to you, you needed to save yourself. You sacrificed so much and risked everything in your life to be with him. You knew him better than anyone and saw him in a light that nobody else was willing to. You loved him as Ajax- the loving caring brother and family man that would do anything to protect those he loved so they would never have to go through the same thing he did. At the same time you loved Childe- the powerful, cocky and reckless Harbinger loyal to the Tsaritsa and even more loyal to you. But even that wasn’t enough. The world saw how much you truly loved Childe and decided to take advantage of that by pitting itself against you. It really was just the two of you against the world- but you had your limits, and Childe couldn’t be the person to fight alongside you if he tried. He tried, you tried, but nothing was enough.

“Please, Childe, look at me.” You say. “It might be the last time I’ll see you.”

“No!” He yells. “It’s not the last time! There won’t be a last time! You’re not leaving, I’ll see you again tomorrow and I can look at you all I want because you’re not leaving me! You would never do that to me!” Childe hugs you tight, his body trembling against you and choking sobs escape his throat. “Please, Y/N, I don’t want to be alone.”

You never thought you would ever see a Harbinger in this state- walls crumbling and image shattered from fear of all things. You thought the Harbingers were never afraid, that Childe would be the last person you’ll see look so distraught after all he went through. Then he looked at you dark blue eyes filled with tears, his brows furrowed and suppressed sobs making their way past his lips. You envision the young boy within him; robbed of this childhood, his innocence, still carrying the fear and trauma of the days he was taken away from his safety. Childe found his new safeplace in you, and the fear of losing it, losing you, the hope and dreams he so precariously planned with you, coupled with the loneliness and isolation that would come after you leave- of course he was going to be afraid. But you feared for your life- you didn’t want to risk Childe’s to save yours. And so, you turn away to leave but Childe grabs you.

“Childe, let me go.” You assert, tugging your wrist away from his tightening grip. He stares you down, wishing that it wouldn’t have to come to this.

“No, you can’t leave me.” He says. “You need me.” His tone was menacing, the same he uses against his subordinates to make them submit. This annoys you for some reason- to think that Childe had the nerve to see you as someone as lowly as those men and women under him- you thought you were both way past that. You angrily take your wrist away from him and start yelling- a version of you that Childe has never seen before. You didn’t know why you yelled, you didn’t understand why a red hot anger surged through your chest. You released every form of frustration you had on him; your fears, your regrets, the way you hated how he was so stubborn, the way you hated how he never admits he was wrong, how every bit of your life was stripped away the moment you told him you loved him. Everything. Tears well in your eyes with each word you say, and even more so when Childe decides to fight back. You thought that you trying to push him away like this would prompt him to let you go, not spiral into this form of chaos. You knew well that Childe would never give up an opportunity to fight; there’s no turning back now.

This was like any battle Childe would have trained to fight. It wasn’t like anything he had ever experienced from those before- the thrill, the excitement, his heart racing for more, more, more. Not tonight, not with you. You two were in war- fighting each other with the harshest words, sharp tongues, insults and arguments thrown so carelessly at the others deepest fears and insecurities. You were someone that knew Childe better than anybody, so this, the ache in Childe’s heart almost felt agonizing. He’s never seen you look so defeated. It’s as if it hurts you to even say these things to him out of anger. He hated the way your voice echoed the words his own mind would tell him; he hated the way your hands restrained themselves into fists by your side; he hated how tense your shoulders were, how your eyes looked so sad. He hated the way you mirrored those who tried so hard to break you in a pitiful attempt to make him feel what you felt.

Even from before as strangers berated you for even being with him, your life turned upside down for even being associated with him, you always put up such a strong front. Childe admired that, even more so now as he felt that he could shrink at the sheer magnitude of emotions that flooded out of you all because of him. Childe listened to you rant, your words becoming warbled as his head pounded with the strength of his own voice. He didn’t even know what he was saying at this point- only watching you cry and shout- wishing for nothing but to pull you in his arms and comfort you even while you’re still furious at him. Even if you beat, kick and punch your way out of his arms, just stay, he thinks.

Stay with me.

If it meant he’d lose everything else, Childe was willing to let this be the first battle he’ll lose. And what greater reward was it to lose against someone he loves?

“I can’t do this anymore, Childe,” you cry silently, your voice barely making it past your strained throat. He hears you, loud and clear. “I love you, but I can’t.”

Childe is silent.

The fallout was devastating, comparable to the collapse of a dying star. It was explosive and angry and destructive beyond what you could have anticipated. It was dangerous on both ends- the freefall of the damage reaching far beyond the ground zero of everything that surrounded the two of you. The echo of the forests that surrounded you two in the silence of winter felt the weight of you and Childe’s booming voices yelling louder above one anothers- shouting words you both would have never expected to hear the other say. It was painful, to you, to Childe and to the universe that knew of the relationship you had in secret- how the world watched your love bloom and beautify like a flower- and like a flower it wilted into the cold. It was ugly and it shouldn’t have been in the first place.

But at the same time, it was colorful and beautiful and bright. Twin flames bursting with far more hues than the searing red you saw in fury, the gentle blue of his tearful, empty eyes- a kaleidoscope of colors springing to life once the initial flames died down to a spark from where they’d started. The whispering, hushed voices, exhausted and only realizing the gravity of your situations. The once harmful words full of spite and venom now replaced by half-hearted apologies that carry the weight of your entire hearts, the words Childe cannot say. Like a star flickering out of its last few breaths, it explodes, furious and catastrophic, but it’s wonderful all the same. The rebirth of a new galaxy, the start of life anew. But for the both of you, it was still in the in-between; the slow, gradual explosion of a supernova, not yet ready to start over. That would be far, far into the future; right now, Childe stares into your tired, reddened eyes, seeing nothing but sadness and pity, and a glimpse into what could have been your future with him. That was the moment he calmed down, the star finally settling within itself to wait another million years of stasis until it could start over. The way Childe loved you was sincerely heartfelt, but the world was not ready to allow him to be happy.

Childe needed to make a choice. His hands tremble and fall to his sides, steeling himself for the moment you would look at him, finally seeing him for who he really is. Childe looks down, refusing to even glance at you, unable to confront the fact that his delusional want of hopes and dreams would just be that; a hope and a dream. He’ll just bear through the pain in silence, only listen when you would eventually turn your heels and walk away. Instead, Childe feels the lightness of your grip around him, your arms wrapped around his frame so surely, and the delicate plush of your kiss on his lips. In that moment, when he feels your shaking body against his beginning to hesitantly pull away, Childe breaks. His composure weakens as he sobs against your lips, shaking fingers not knowing where to touch you- wanting to reach for you so badly- but he doesn’t know how. He felt like he couldn’t, it would hurt too much, but if he didn’t, he would regret not wanting to when he had the chance. And so, he pulls you in, so close, so tight, that he feels he can never ever let you go. Childe hears your muffled sobs against his lips, your hands placed on his chest not knowing if you should push him away or pull him even closer. If he could live in this moment, he would for a million years; he would freeze time and let it be so that the two of you could live on happily.

When you break away, still feeling the need to gravitate towards each other, Childe smiles dumbly despite the situation. You follow suit.

“Gods…” You mumble, wiping away your own tears. “Will it always be like this if we fight? We kiss and make up?” Childe chuckles weakly.

“I wouldn’t really mind that.”

Silence again, and the snow begins to fall. Your gaze wanders ‘round the now still forest that cushioned your arguments and your eyes fixate on the sun beginning to set.

“It’s getting dark.” You say, and Childe nods in agreement. Tentatively, he takes your hand and leads you both back into the cabin, the fire now long gone, but the heat never leaving your skin.

You two went about that night in complete silence- never once uttering a single word to each other until it was finally time to sleep on your shared bed. Only then, when you decide to sleep on your side and fully expected Childe to stay in his, did you feel the relief of comfort when he wrapped you in his arms and pull you close. You nestled yourself in his warmth and breathed in the frost of the night. Silence was broken by Childe once more.

“You’re free to make a choice, Y/N,” he mumbles. “If you choose to leave, just know I’ll never be mad at you for it.” You feel Childe’s embrace tighten as he says it. You nod and hold his roughened hand, kissing his knuckles and burying yourself under the covers.

“Goodnight, Ajax.”

Childe didn’t sleep that night. He listened to the whistling breeze from outside and the occasional movements you’d make. He thinks about all the events that led up till now; how life snowballed into this catastrophe of a situation you both were in. He thinks about how different life for him would be if he hadn’t met you. He won’t be happier then; Childe loves you too much to imagine a life wherein your absence would be his downfall. At the same time, your life would ultimately be better without him in it. He pictures your smiling face amongst the crowd, everyone happy to see you’ve arrived because he isn’t there to taint your reputation. How different things would be for you both if you hadn’t met.

Childe had a choice, you’ve given him one. As much as it pains him to do this to you, to do it to himself, he knew in his heart he had to do it.

Silently, before the sun breaks out into dawn, Childe prepares himself for the inevitability of loneliness once he steps out the door. He watches you for a moment and ultimately decides that staying for a second longer would be far more painful. And so, he left silently in the sunrise, in the snow where he’ll be in the far, far future. When you woke that morning, you braced yourself of the dread that came with Childe’s absence. You knew deep down he’ll leave. He never wanted to be the selfish one, but tonight, he needed to be- for your sake. You breathed in the cold winter air and willed yourself to look at the note he left on the side that was once his. So little words, yet it had been enough to have you shatter.

‘Please forget me.’

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kyluxtrashpit · 10 months ago

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Transferring this post from twitter, with some edits and additions, because the mess that was the development of the sequel trilogy fascinates me on an extremely deep level

Okay so. You’re probably aware that Adam Driver gave an interview a few weeks ago where he said that the original plan for Kylo in the sequel trilogy was to get progressively eviler throughout. Which I’m not here for redemption vs corruption arc discourse, that’s not what this post is (because I prefer a secret third option), and what I want to dig into here is what makes this an incredibly curious statement

Because this is the first time anyone involved with the ST has mentioned there ever being a plan. So, let’s explore that for a second because why is he saying something that’s completely at odds with every other piece of information we have?

(behind a cut for length, as I went and pulled a bunch of interview quotes and other materials and then analyzed them, you can scroll to the very bottom for my conclusions if you like)

So first, I went and found this, which I purchased many many years ago in 2017

In it, an interview with RJ himself confirms what the story has been for a long time: there was no plan, there was no required plot points, no endgame to lead to, just absolute freedom (I recall reading this then and feeling a spark of confusion and concern - what do you mean there was no plan?)

I also found this, and while I don’t have the TLJ art book to verify it, another person on twitter confirmed it and also advised that RJ was even in the know regarding the Aftermath series (confirmed by him and Chuck Wendig at a convention) - so he knew a lot. And this plus the above shows that if there was a plan, it was abandoned before TFA was even released, likely even before it finished filming

And then we have the rather well known moment when JJ himself pretty much confirmed that the ST should have had a plan (question asked was about sw, even if JJ didn’t say it himself). Could this be shade at abandoning a plan instead of never having one? Maybe. But it’s unclear

And as our last piece of evidence, we have confirmation from RJ that he asked JJ to change the ending of TFA. Which once again shows TFA was not finished when RJ, who explicitly said he was given no plan to follow, was writing TLJ

And that was the story all along, confirmed multiple times over. We can say for sure that as of the writing for TLJ being started, which was before TFA was even finished, let alone released, there was no plan. So it is certain that if there ever was a plan, that plan was abandoned at the very latest in early 2015, but I suspect 2014 is more likely

So why would AD say there ever was one? He has no reason to lie and I don’t think he is, he has nothing to gain and everything to lose by doing so. But with so many other pieces of evidence directly contradicting what he’s saying, I think we can also say that RJ is telling the truth too. But how can both be true?

Well, knowing the mess that is d/lf and also how disney treats actors I think it’s one of two possibilities:

Option 1: there was indeed a plan, likely pitched by JJ himself, and that d/lf agreed to that plan with no intention of ever following it through. They sold the actors on the plan, telling them it was a capital P Plan, but then didn’t ever tell them it had stopped being the plan, so that’s also why we saw the actors becoming increasingly frustrated throughout the series. They were told there was a plan, what the plan was, and then watched none of that come to fruition because it had secretly been abandoned long ago without their knowledge. It’s extremely scummy, but I could see disney doing it

Option 2: the plan was never a firm capital P Plan but rather was just the initial concept JJ had. No one ever committed to it, but since the actors couldn’t see the script, JJ’s initial vision was used as a “here’s my concept” kind of thing to sell the actors on without it being a firm plan. Just a concept that was used at the time but later discarded, as I’m sure a good number of concepts were. But it would be easy for that to get misinterpreted by the actors, and this gives us the less scummy option on the mouse’s part because it’s more about miscommunication than anything else

And if it is option 2, it’s also possible that the actors did know it wasn’t an confirmed plan, just a concept, but clung to those concepts since they were all they had. Which I can understand, given that not knowing the eventual story makes their jobs harder. I can totally see AD sticking with that initial concept even if he knew it wasn’t a “plan” per se, because he had literally nothing else to go on and he needed something to play the role. And once again, given how increasingly frustrated the cast got over the course of the trilogy, I suspect this experience would have been shared among the whole cast

Overall, I lean towards option 2 on this, because even though I do think disney is pretty fucking evil, option 1 might actually be a contract violation or at least open up the possibility of one. And plus, the entire story group would have had to be in on it, and if they did straight up knowingly lie to the entire cast and JJ, I just feel like that would be something which that many people can’t keep secret (plus wouldn’t RJ have accidentally spilled the beans when talking to JJ? Or was he in on it too? Too many players imo). I know it’s disney, but still, things leak all the time (as those of us who followed the tfa or tros leaks know lmao). Plus, I do agree with the adage of assuming stupidity over overt malice when in doubt, so I’m going to stick with that here

So ultimately, my suspicion is this was never a true, capital P, confirmed Plan, but rather the initial concept they used in place of a real plan (which they never made) because d/lf had nothing else to use to sell the actors on it and the actors had nothing else to cling to when actually playing the characters, so they used it where they needed gaps filled. And with it being more likely just a vague concept that was never committed to and was abandoned in 2014 than anything else, well, no matter how good or bad it might have been, I don’t even think it’s worth considering as something we ever would have gotten. It clearly wasn’t in the stars (ha) from very early on and thus belongs in the pile with the rest of the surely very numerous concepts that never came to fruition

And this, kids, is why trilogies need to be fucking planned lmfao

#these are just my thoughts #if there's any other evidence out there that contradicts this I'd be interested to see it #or any thoughts really #but I think this is as close as I'm going to come to cracking it until we someday get a tell all book lmfao #kylo ren #text #my post #meta #I guess

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insomnya777 · 7 months ago

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time for me to ramble about alley rose by conan gray and my boat boys superhero au :)

you guys asked for this. so. i did it. i'm just cool like that. you're all to blame for this monstrosity. long post incoming!!!!!

okay so. there are so many lines from this song that fit my au, joel and etho specifically (what's happened and what's to come eventually) and i desperately need to talk about it so let's start this off!!

so much to say that's subject-sore, so much you'd change since you were born

this lyric! fits etho and joel both so well. regarding the sore subject part... gosh, i have so much to say. there's so much left unspoken between them, literally at every single point in the series, and they know they need to talk about it, but they don't want to because it'll just ruin both their moods and talking about it makes things so much more serious and official, you know?

the second part — joel grew up in mezalea (which will be talked about later) and he had kind of his whole life planned out for him, and then things went sideways and that whole plan, his whole life really, was ruined; eventually stratos was created. he had so much potential, and it was all just... wasted. etho, on the other hand, grew up in a rougher area of the city he lives in now, and now he's just very far from that lifestyle, just in general. very posh and fancy, even if his apartment isn't, his job sure is (was?)

the way you kissed me, hot and fast i knew it'd be the last

alright so the way i see this lyric is definitely etho's perspective, in the second part of the series. such a long time ago, i know!! but when joel kissed him for the first time, even while it was happening, there was this little part of him that was in disbelief and also completely sure that it would never happen again (so he should better enjoy it while it lasted)

don't leave me hanging alone again

...guys i have so much to say here. this could quite literally be sooo many moments. mostly in etho's pov, i've noticed. he really gets left behind often huh. poor guy.

but, pretty much, this is like when joel leaves him after he kisses him, when joel leaves him in the grocery store after turning his world upside down, when joel leaves him in the park after basically breaking up with him. joel really leaves him alone a lot. wonder what that means for the future. totally not foreshadowing haha.

honourable mention to when etho leaves after apologizing to joel, which then infuriates joel, as you will all see in the next part. but yeah, etho's really sick of being left behind over and over again.

you told me "i'm just so nervous, dear" well, how the hell do you think i feel?

oh this lyric!! also etho pov — this song is so very etho coded. in is it over now? joel is talking about how confused etho makes him all the time when he's all vague and mysterious and stuff, and etho kind of snaps, literally saying the words "how do you think i feel?" so when i heard this lyric in the song my jaw dropped. it was literally made for them. maybe not the nervous part specifically, but definitely the rest.

i waited all year at your feet like maybe you'd love me

alright i'm going to be disclosing some information here that i can't remember whether it has been outwardly said yet or not. but you've probably figured it out or assumed anyways. it's not exactly surprising. so. remember way back when, all the way in diesel is desire, you were playing with fire, joel talks about how etho always lets him go? and never really fights him? goes easy on him, etc? well!! etho had always been amused by joel, ever since the beginning, had always found the way he bickers and teases and flirts and yells very entertaining, to say the least.

this led to him always having a bit of a soft spot for him, being a little biased, even, which was very inconvenient for his job. eventually, that affection turned into a little bit of a crush, which he always refused to acknowledge, then turned into the... mess of feelings he had now. love. maybe not quite love. something else. he doesn't know anymore.

either way, he's nice to joel. too nice. not in the obvious way, not in the way that joel could ever call him out on, but he let him go and did other things that very much could make him lose his position in the agency. which is foolish and idiotic and he somehow never regrets it.

he subconsciously had a little bit of a hope that it would somehow win joel over, just a tiny bit, but, little did he know, it only annoyed joel even more. the idea that someone was going easy on him was enough to effectively make him mad for the rest of the day. so, yeah, you could pretty much say that this line fits them to a T.

and i don't even care if it makes me sound insane

etho, again, surprise surprise. the whole thing about a hero falling in love with a villain, and not just a villain, one of the most wanted villains in the world... all his friends think he's lost his mind. and one of his best friends was also in love with a villain. (not that etho would use the word love. its not- it's not love.)

he can't bring himself to care that they all think he's delusional for falling in love with such a cruel, selfish, arrogant, bad person. because he knows the truth — joel isn't a bad person. he could be cruel (god, he could be cruel) and arrogant, and selfish, and all those other things. but so could etho. so could literally everyone else. they were human. and sure, joel did some... not so good things. but, you know, he could ignore that. most of the time.

besides. joel was funny. and smart. and very, very attractive. and- well, he wasn't nice or kind or sweet, far from it, really, but etho didn't care about that. he kind of liked how mean joel was, actually. which probably meant there was something deeply wrong with etho. but. hey. yolo.

i ran my fingers through your hair and i thanked god to touch the flame

god. this line. banger line. even without relating it to anything. but with relating it to this au.... so much to say here. it's etho again. so etho talking about joel. sooooo etho so so so etho.

first of all, the flame part???? helloooo??? joel literally has fire powers... guys... i can't be the only one freaking out about this........

but back to the rest. honestly, when etho was with joel in his bedroom that day all the way back in the beginning, this lyric is very him. he gets to spend all this time with joel, and he knows he's going to regret it in the future, and that everything that's happening is a bad idea, and that he shouldn't be doing any of this, but when he looks at joel.... all he can feel is lucky that he gets to be there.

cause i swore necks were made for bruising i swore lips were made for lies

finally a joel-coded line! my boy!! gotta say something about the neck part because we all know about joel and necks LMAO.

anyways! this line being in past tense is very interesting to me, even just song-wise. almost like the person is talking about how their thinking has changed since the past, because of some.... event. or someone, even. this is very, very joel, because, as he complains about in the next part, he's gone soft. he used to have this same kind of thinking, this untrusting, suspicious mindset, but things have changed since then. he's got more trust in people. which he hates, for the record.

and i thought if you'd ever leave me that i'd be the reason why

back to etho because gosh i didn't know a line could fit something so well. joel, essentially, "breaks up" (even though they're not together) with etho because of his being a hero. not even for something he does, or some trait of his. if it had been that, if etho had messed up in some way, he would probably have been able to handle things a lot better. but, no, it was about something completely avoidable. something he didn't even really have control over. he's not even the reason joel leaves him.

if it's all experimental and you go back to safer things

joel!!! experimental.... safer things... these word choices are so very deliberate and so very relevant.

experimental — a hero being with a villain isn't exactly a tried and true option. and he's not exactly your regular guy. he's dangerous, reckless, violent, etc. the idea of someone like etho ever even liking him feels so unreal, and not even in, like, a positive way. it just seems impossible. they're so different. the most he can imagine it being is just a little bit of fun, something to keep etho from being bored.

safer things — oh, this makes me want to lose my mind. as i said before, etho being with joel would be anything but safe. not just due to joel's more... explosive (literally) tendencies, but also because the risk of the two of them being found out was very, very real, and would have extremely strong consequences. the idea that etho would choose safer things, like a normal person and a normal life, is very possible and, honestly, very likely, at least in joel's mind.

that's the most lyrics i can relate to my au without it being a bit of a stretch... unfortunately. but i very much recommend you go listen to the song, because even just off the vibes alone, it fits this au sooo well. if you have any other songs that remind you of this au please share im working on a playlist and would love some recs :):):):):))

also! a lot of the parts here are about things to come and things that happened earlier, they don't exactly reflect joel's and etho's thoughts about each other right now, because, well, joel kind of wants to beat etho up at this moment of time. so. yeah. it's either future or past them

anyways. the end. this is a lot longer than i thought it would be but i did have a lot to say, so i'm not very surprised. this also was a lot ramblier (is that a word? like, more ramble-y? it should be a word.) than i expected, but, you know, we ball. at some point i also started writing this as if it were a fic so i don't know what's going on there. this was kind of all over the place. my bad. anyways! hope you enjoyed. this is my first long post here, guys, don't let it flop. begging you.

#bfop au #nya talks #boat boys #smalletho #smallishbeans #ethoslab #joel smallishbeans #etho #hermitblr #trafficblr

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