#piece that’s good enough I’m willing to post it solo

[1driedpersimmon]

Guess what I just finished

[spectrallik]

Specter Learns Guitar, the Hard Way

Big things often start small

I may have made a terrible mistake.

I’m a lifelong keyboardist. Not a great one, but an OK one. And I’m finally comfortable enough with the instrument to write my own music. Just one problem: the kind of music I want to make, the stuff that’s running through my head all the time, is on the dream pop/shoegaze end of post-punk. Now, keyboardists have a place in dream pop, and some of my favorite dream pop acts like Alvvays and Hatchie prominently feature synths. But any genre that descends from punk rock, even something this far-removed, is still fundamentally a guitarist’s genre. Plus, the songs in my head are less like Alvvays and more like The Joy Formidable - no keyboards there, unless you count getting on your hands and knees and playing your effects pedals like a keyboard.

My synth has guitar tones, but they come nowhere near replicating the real thing. And I have some guitar-playing family members who are willing to help me out, but I don’t really know how to communicate my ideas to a guitar player. They don’t read sheet music, they just play everything by ear. How could I communicate how to play a part, or even what tone I’m going for, when I didn’t really know how a guitar works?

The only halfway decent guitar tone on the Roland Fantom, and it only sounds good after you shove a fuckton of reverb and delay after it.

So, I decided that the only way to get that knowledge was to experience the guitar firsthand. I don’t want guitar to become my main instrument or anything, but I want to at least get comfortable with it. Once I understand how a guitar truly works, it will be much easier to write for it. 

Unfortunately, the guitar I want to get - a G&L Fallout - is backordered for a few months. So, in the meantime, I got a cheapo starter guitar to screw around with and hopefully get some of the basics down. I’ll trade it in for a pedal or something later.

This is the Eastrock 39, and it is a piece of shit. It barely stays in tune, the pickups sound thin and lifeless, and the frets are rough. You have to actively fight this thing to get the strings to ring properly. Some of my tone problems are because I still need to build finger strength, sure, but I’ve read reviews from veteran guitar players that say that this doesn’t play easily. Not great for a supposed “beginner” guitar. On the bright side, it came with a ton of extra stuff that doesn’t suck - a nice guitar bag, beginner picks, a solid capo, audio cables, and luthier tools to replace the strings and adjust the action. It even came with a practice amp, but I live in a studio apartment and have an audio interface for my synth, so I don’t have much use for it. 

So… goals. My first goal is to get the basic chords down, figure out how barres work, and learn ONE simple song. I’m not too worried right now about memorizing the fretboard - I’m not gonna do any solos anytime soon - but I need to understand chords to actually play songs. Luckily, guitar sheet music is more commonly written in an alternate form called tablature that is WAY EASIER TO UNDERSTAND THAN TRADITIONAL NOTATION, HOLY SHIT, WHY ISN’T THERE A VERSION OF THIS FOR PIANO!? I’m still not great at reading sheet music, despite my ClAsSiCaL SuZuKi MeThOd training, but it took all of 5 minutes to pick up TAB.

So, what’s my first song? Well, a few months ago, I got a picture of one of my characters playing air guitar and singing along to a song:

As it turns out, this song - Future Me Hates Me by The Beths - is very beginner friendly. 90% of the rhythm part is the same barred power chord shape, and the lead guitar part is pretty reserved and minimalistic by Jonathan Pearce standards. Plus, the guitar I'm waiting on is the exact same model that Liz Stokes played on that record. So it should sound perfect, especially once I get a RAT on my pedalboard.

So yeah, we'll see where this goes. I do want to keep track of my progress somewhere, and I'm planning on getting the fuck off Twitter once and for all, so I guess it will go here.

[littlemisslipbalm]

Bottlerock

Josh Kiszka x Fem!reader

At the Bottlerock Festival in Napa, Josh meets a journalism student who is tenacious enough to get an interview with him after Greta Van Fleet's set. He is enamored by her vivacity and spirit and sweeps her into the whirlwind of his life for the weekend. Are his promises enough to keep them together or are they just too different?

Hey so this is really long so reading on desktop will likely be best (plus there's meant to be a part 2 that I haven't even written yet so...yeah!!!!) So exciting to finally be posting this and sharing it with y'all I really hope yall read it and let me know what you think!

Warnings: some angst, nothing too graphic, maybe self doubt, drinking, weed, SMUT (18+ as always) | Word Count: 21K | Photo credit: Instagram via Pinterest

As the Weight of Dreams guitar solo starts its slow descent, a girl pushes herself sideways along the back of the first row at the barricade. She offers a few “Sorry”’s and “Coming through”’s, just trying to get out. 

“I’m so sorry, I just need to get to the side right now.” She makes it past a few other fans, they give her slightly odd looks. 

She fibs a bit as she continues her work, “I don’t feel well,” she says when she starts to get push back.

“I might pass out,'' she says when some people give her a rough look. 

“I’m really sorry,” she pleads and they let her go. 

“Thank you,'' she calls and continues her journey out from the center of the pit. 

She had foregone her front and center spot on the barricade for the last five minutes of the Weight of Dreams encore because she needed to get to the side of the backstage. It was her mission to get an interview with one of the members of Greta Van Fleet. 

She needed to do this to prove to herself and everyone else that her dream of being a music journalist wasn’t in vain and she wasn’t in way over her head. 

If she got the interview and freelanced the piece she wrote from it to her school’s paper or even just the school radio’s paper, she would be so fucking happy. The radio station had turned her down for a dj position so she had turned them down when they asked her to just write content. 

They weren’t too happy with her about that, but they couldn’t pass up an exclusive interview with Greta Van Fleet if she offered it to them. It was such a good profile, Greta was higher profile than anyone else the radio had interviewed, and from a student on their campus just going up and getting it? They’d be idiots to pass it up. 

While she didn’t want to be an asshole, she was willing to admit she was a pretty great writer. An excellent one. One that was possibly better than any of the writers on the school’s website. 

So she shimmied through the crowd as she missed one of the most epic guitar solos she’d ever heard live. 

She looked down at her phone once she got out, she heard the guitar starting to fall out, the crowd was going wild and she was trying to catch her breath at the place where she was pretty sure the band would walk off stage. Her phone held the notes she had written down the night before and she was editing them, her fingers a flurry over the little digital keys. 

Some of her questions: 

How are you? How was that? What’s it like performing at a festival vs. your own concert? What’s your opinion of outdoor venues? How do you like Napa? Planning on going sightseeing? Are you going to be seeing any of the other artists? Or are there any you are excited or hopeful of seeing this weekend? What’s something you wish people cared more about? Do you think you convey that through your music? What’s one thing you’d particularly like to tell college students, like some life advice? Favorite song right now? Or the one that you’ve been listening to the most that you enjoy? What’s something you still want to do – beside movies (if it's Josh)?

She highlighted ones she wanted to ask first since she knew it was very likely she’d probably only get to ask one or two.

Then she hears the screams grow louder and she looks up. The band is leaving the stage and they’re coming straight towards her. Well, they really were going to turn the corner and head back to their tent and bus where they could relax now that their set was done. Or they were going to go somewhere secluded to watch Metallica but she wasn’t sure if that was necessarily their vibe right after a performance. 

The real work for her began now. Getting someone’s attention. 

Sam gets off first and when she yells his name he simply flashes a smile and waves. She smiles back and tries to say more but he’s already gone. Danny goes next and he doesn’t even hear her say his name as he’s calling out to Sam about something. 

Josh and Jake are trouncing off stage talking, rather yelling, into each other’s ears as they take off their ear pieces and sip from water bottles stagehands passed to them. 

She feels an overwhelming amount of anxiety that they won’t even glance her way since they’re wrapped up in each other. She yells Josh’s name first for some reason. His eyes look at her for a split second and it seems like he’s just going to wave and smile and go back to talking to Jake but she won’t let it happen. 

His eyes are on hers as she continues on with her words.

“Can I talk to you for a second? I’m sure people tell you this all the time, but it’s really important for me! It’ll only take a moment and then I’ll let you go on your way. Please.” 

She’s not sure if it’s her words or the desperation in her hoarse voice. Maybe he recognized her from the front row or maybe something was just looking out for her in that moment. Her tarot cards had hinted that today was an auspicious day and she had been hoping for this to be that fulfillment. 

Whatever it was, Josh gave her a second glance. He quirks his brow and he’s gleaming with sweat from performing his heart out while being outside in the warming May air. He takes a sip of his water and lets Jake walk in the same direction Sam and Danny went before him with a wave of his free hand and a tilt of his head. 

He reaches her with another step and he waves off some of the stage crew asking him if he was alright. 

“Hello there. What can I do for you?” He asks, his free hand pulls absently at the v-neck of his golden jumpsuit, it had glitter over its entirety and twinkled in the sun as the green stalks of flowers swirled around various parts of it. 

“Hi, oh my god, thank you so fucking much, you have no idea,” she rambles her sentence in a breath and Josh’s brows raise and his lips quirk up in a smile as she speaks, this time not as much as a yell since he’s closer and the screams from the crowd have died down a good bit. 

“Right, so,” she starts after gulping down some oxygen, “I’m a journalism student at my college and long story short I wanted to ask you a few questions so that I could write up a short piece on the festival and have some quotes from you because Greta Van Fleet is one of the best artists here. And personally, I love you guys and I really want to do music journalism when I graduate so if you helped me you would make my entire three years in college so far worth it and prove to everyone in my life that I’m not an idiot.”

Josh chuckles at her fast pace and her words. She was radiant, how could he not when to help her. She was a go-getter and he had seen her make her way out of the crowd during Weight of Dreams after she had spent the rest of their set singing along to every song and dancing in the most honest and free way he’d seen someone dance in a festival concert pit – she hand’t had her phone out or anything, just smiling, nodding and singing along. He had wondered absently where she had gone, so seeing her now. It felt fated that she had left just so she could try to talk to one of them. He wanted to help her out.

“Sounds like an offer I can’t refuse,” He smiles at her and she pushes away the flutter in her heart. 

She needed to focus on her job right now. She had strategically taken her edible earlier in the day so it would be waning right about now. Her body was calm, but her mind was lucid. She couldn’t let herself get distracted by the bouncy slightly wet curls atop his head or his perfectly sculpted jaw or any other part of him except his brain that she was going to pick as much as possible. 

“Okay,” She beams back at him and glances down at her phone and then holds it between them, “Do you mind if I record this? It’s just a transcriber so you don’t have to look at the top of my head while I write down everything you say. Usually I have to tell people not to worry about it but I feel like you’re probably used to being recorded right? ” 

“Of course, that’s fine. I’d much prefer to look in your eyes while I ramble on,” He chuckles and it's effortlessly charming. 

She tamps down her smile and glances down at her phone pressing the record button. Her body shuffles to lean on the railing and Josh is tempted to have security let her through, but knows that would be very out of the ordinary since she wasn’t official press and this was only supposed to take a moment. 

She switches to her questions on her phone and then glances up to look in Josh’s face again to give him a reassuring smile, she wanted to impress him as much as she wanted to impress everyone else. She didn’t want him to be bored with her questions. 

“First things first, how are you doing after that?” 

“I feel fantastic! We had a big old time up there,” He grins as she nods him on, “It was a wonderful show, great to celebrate with everyone here on such a beautiful day. See the smiles on all of their faces – yours included.” 

Her eyes widen slightly and she looks at him inquisitively, but decides it’s not important to the story. 

“What’s the most overwhelming emotion you have when you’re up on stage?” She continues, not a question she had written down, but for some reason it came to mind as he said how he felt. 

“Overwhelming?” Josh repeats, the question actually made him think. She counted this as a success. 

“Suppose love is the answer,” He starts and she deflates initially, but he continues, “Love’s a special one because it’s a shared experience of any positive emotion with someone you care about. Love is overwhelming up on the stage because it’s coming at you from everywhere. My brothers and Danny and I are all sharing the love and the audience is joining in on that love. Love for the music. Love for each other. It’s overwhelming…but only in the most welcome sense.” 

She grins, “Well said.” 

He nods back. 

“What’s it like performing at a festival versus one of your own concerts?” 

He responds well and she grins again. His answers are professional yet insightful to a lot of her main questions she wanted to ask. He seems to like the ones she asks as follow-ups to his responses that are just off the top of her head. His hands wave around dramatically when he gets into specific anecdotes that fit into his answers. 

He tells her who he wants to see this weekend and then asks her who else she wants to see. She has to confess that she only bought a ticket for Friday because the three-day one was too expensive for her. He nods in understanding, but quirks his brow when she says she would have liked to do all three days. Josh was so tempted to just give her some VIP tickets that he was sure he could drum up. The minutes tick by and he doesn’t complain that she’s held him up far longer than she’d initially said. 

She asks him what he thinks of Napa and if he’s planning on doing some sightseeing when they’re done at the festival. He looks down at her phone and then back up to her, he had almost forgotten that this was just an interview. He loved answering her questions and if he had been just talking to her, he would have invited her to show him around in a flirtatious manner, but remembered it was being recorded and she was asking as an interviewer. Instead, he gives a noncommittal “Hopefully, but we’ll see how much time we have before we head back to Nashville. We’re prepping for our Europe tour dates soon.” 

“Oh yeah,” She nods along, slightly disappointed at his answer, seeing some idea pass through his face and then be removed before settling on his answer. She decides not to mention she’d be in Ireland when they were and she had gotten tickets. Didn’t want to seem like an overzealous fan at this point, everything had been going so well. 

She goes through a few more questions and she’s surprised Josh has let her ask as many as he had. It had only been about ten minutes, but she could only imagine how much he probably wants to change and possibly shower (hopefully). She asks about his current listening and he goes in depth on one particular album that has caught his fancy. She makes a note to make sure she listens to it in detail when she gets the chance. 

He shares what he wishes more people knew about Greta Van Fleet’s music and how they try to communicate that message at her prompt and he’s in love with that question but refrains from going on too long of a tangent for once, she is unsure of what keeps him from doing it. 

“Alright,” She takes a deep breath, glancing around seeing some people looking on, possibly slightly jealous at all the attention she’d received from Josh for the last fifteen minutes. “Final-ish question.” 

“What makes it final-ish?” He laughs. 

“Well, if you say something interesting I might have a follow up question.” 

“So I should be offended if it’s the last question?” 

“No, then I think you’ve answered it sufficiently.”

“Oh, so I should be offended if it isn’t the last question?” He teases with a smirk quirking his lips to the side. 

She rolls her eyes playfully and almost feels heat rising to her cheeks at the careless flirtation laced in his words. He was extremely proficient at that. 

“No, you shouldn’t be offended at all. You should be flattered.” 

“Alright, flatter me,” He winks. Again, it’s all playful, but she can barely handle his personality. It was overwhelming. Josh was overwhelming. 

“What’s the best life advice you can give to a bunch of college kids right now? Can be something you’ve received or something you’ve come up with over the years.” 

He grins, “Don’t try to please everyone. Work on pleasing yourself. Personal pleasure will make life all the sweeter.” 

She feels her eyes widen as Josh stares into her soul and she’s not sure if he meant his advice to sound so astoundingly sexual, but she looks away from his intense gaze nonetheless. 

“And how would you advise someone who is trying to find their personal pleasure?” 

“Well,” He chuckles, and she can tell he’s got something raunchy to say, but it’s only in the most boyish way that she doesn’t hate it how she might on another man. “There’s two paths that one can go down and I don’t know if you want me to venture down one of them. It might not be very appropriate for a school paper.” 

“It’s a college paper. Everyone’s an adult,” She laughs lightly trying to get good quotes, but also be casual. 

“Alright then, I’ll tell both, just in case you want to keep the second to yourself,” He leans in and speaks lower at the end of that and she gives him a coy smile. She couldn’t believe what a player Josh seemed to be when most times he came off as so sexless, if she was giving her honest opinion. 

“Personal pleasure in life,” Josh starts, “I’d advise that you try new things and if you think you want to try something you should stick to it, even if it seems a little hard in the beginning. Don’t get deterred, there is happiness found in the act of trying.” He says it earnestly and she genuinely thinks he’s thought about this before. “And for the raunchier side of personal pleasure, well, I’d advise being more vocal with others and yourself; about what feels good and simply just letting those seemingly animalistic noises that want to come out, come out. Don’t hide how your body really feels when you’re experiencing pleasure.” 

“Right,” She clears her throat as Josh ducks his head for a moment and looks up at her through his lashes. “Well, that’s all I’ve got for you, Josh. Thank you so much for taking the time, I know I kept you longer than I said, but you had wonderful answers. It was hard not to keep asking you things.” 

He laughs and it’s as melodious as his voice always seems to be. He rests a hand over hers on the railing and her eyes flicker to look at it and then back to his face. 

“It’s only because you were such a wonderful interviewer, kept me on my toes,” He says it sincerely. He pats her hand twice and looks as if he wants to say more. 

He glances over his shoulder and sees his bandmates all hanging around with some of the crew and the people they had invited to the festival with them. He turns back to her and her eyes are wide and expectant, not sure what to do since his hand is still over hers. 

“I’ll let you go,” She starts.

“Would you like to ask my brothers and Danny some questions perchance?” 

She gasps and says the first thing she thinks, “Of fucking course I would!” Her hands fly up to cover her mouth, knocking Josh’s hand off of hers and her phone to the grass below them. A muffled “Oh my god” is audible from her covered mouth. Her eyes fall to the ground where her phone went. “So sorry,” She bends down to grab it and when she stands up Josh is still grinning at her. 

“You know you don’t need to apologize for swearing in front of me right?” His eyes twinkle with mischief. 

“No, I know…it’s just not very professional, y’know. And also it was more about the entire outburst than the nature of it.” She quirks her head at him, hoping he understands. 

He shakes his head in amusement and gestures to the security, who had been eyeing them this entire time, to let her through. Her eyes are still as wide as saucers and she’s not sure if she’s breathing normally so she focuses on that and then remembers she should text her friend, who was surely worrying about her now. 

She looks down at her phone and sees that it’s still recording so she stops that and thinks about how embarrassing that this last part after the interview was memorialized in her transcription app. She pushes that from her mind and types out a message to her friend saying, “getting taken backstage to interview gvf, wtf.” 

Chloe immediately responds, “bruh wtf!!!!”  

Her fingers flurry over the keyboard and say “i’ll try to get you in, but if i don’t text you back just watch metallica without me, i’m so fuckig sorry bro, but i couldn’t pass up the chance to interview all of them.” 

“no i get it, get us the afterparty invite doe” 

She hearts the last message and then turns to Josh, who’s eyes flicker to hers as she slips her phone into her back pocket of the black loose jeans she was wearing. 

“Who was that?” He inquires, the interest clear in inflection of his words. 

“My best friend who came with me. I was updating her on where I am. There’s not a chance she could possibly come back here as well?” 

He looks at her, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he seems to consider it. She presses on, her penchant for rambling becoming clear. 

“It’s just that I don’t want her to think I’ve abandoned her, but I also get it if you don’t want a bunch of people in your space either. Like you’ve already done me way too many favors for being a complete stranger. I probably owe you big time at this point.” 

He shakes his head insistently and his curls bounce around him. “No, no, no. You don’t owe me anything, please do not think of this as transactional. I offered for you to interview the others because I think you’re a good journalist and I wanna see you succeed now…” His eyes are wide and earnest, once more. 

She really hadn’t expected this to be the way Josh was. From interviews and anything she’d seen from him previously, she thought he was both boisterous and thoughtful, kind as well, but not so intrinsically good and sincere to a stranger – she didn’t think it was possible for someone of his caliber, as much as she liked the band, realistically, she had no idea who Josh really was. She assumed he’d be much more closed off when he wasn’t performing – both on stage and in interviews. Maybe he still was performing for her. 

“Tell your friend to come to the side of the stage and I’ll tell a PA to let her in.” 

She beams and thanks him with a string of gratitude and he laughs again. 

“You talk so quickly, you know that?” Josh asks. 

She couldn't help the embarrassment this time, he had met her maybe twenty minutes ago and he already formed an opinion of her. Instead of acting flustered though, she tries to mask it with a little flirtation. The banter seemed to come naturally with Josh. 

“So do you,” She states matter-of-factly. 

He cackles this time, louder than his other laughs had been so far with her. 

“I guess it’s a good trait for a journalist.” 

“And a front man,” She adds. 

“Depends on who you ask,” He says as they round on the rest of the band sitting around the front of a tour bus after they had taken a brief detour and given the information about her friend to a PA. 

“Depends on who you ask what?” His twin and the guitarist of the band, Jake, asks, looking up to Josh from the lawn chair he was resting in, his neck craning in a long fashion. A smile resting on his lips as he hopes to be able to tease his brother who had been missing from him for too long. 

Before Josh can answer, Sam, his younger brother and the bassist, pokes his head out of the door of the tour bus and yells at Josh. “There you are! We were beginning to think you’d run off with some groupie already…” His voice trails off when he sees a girl standing beside Josh. “And maybe we were a bit correct.” 

Josh scoffs and she wards off any embarrassment by offering a cautious smile, she scuffs the tip of her boot into the soft ground below them. 

“This is…” Then Josh stops and he realizes that he hadn’t even gotten her name and he looks to her sheepishly. A hand goes to the back of his neck, the tinge of embarrassment manifesting in his physicality. 

“Y/N. I’m a journalism student, not a groupie,” She clarifies, and waves her hand at the other three band members who had given her various onceovers. 

Sam hops down the last step of the tour bus and joins the group of them. Danny and Jake remained seated. All together like this they were far more intimidating and she looked back to Josh, who was still beside her, for reassurance. 

“Y/N asked me a few questions right after the show for a piece she’s doing on the festival and she was such a fantastic interviewer I told her you all would love to answer some questions as well,” Josh grins pointedly at the rest of the boys, imploring them to go along with it with his eyes. She notices how he made a point to say her name once he knew it.  

“Oh yeah,” Jake muses, his voice was so gravelly and unique yet so similar to Josh’s. “You’re the one he went to talk to when we came down from the stage.”

“Yep,” She smiles, trying to not come off as nervous. Maybe she’d shoot Chloe a text advising her not to come. She wasn’t sure how intimidating her friend might find this situation. 

They were all cheekbones and sharp lines, strong jawbones and sun-kissed skin, beautiful but wild hair. And they were so at ease, so zen, even after a show, she was in awe. 

“Are y’all always this calm thirty minutes after a performance?” She can’t help but ask. 

“Is that the first question?” Sam asks. 

Josh shoots him a look. 

“Um,” She begins. 

“We are if we smoke a lot of weed,” Jake answers instead with a slight chuckle, “Which is indeed what we’ve done.” 

“Indeed,” Sam echoes. 

She looks closer and sees the droopy red eyes on each of them, the tension in all of their muscles almost nonexistent. That made more sense, it also made her way less intimidated. They weren’t being jerks, they were just being highasses. 

“I don’t need to interview y’all if you’re high,” She says after a moment of thinking. “I feel like that wouldn’t be ethically right, especially since it was just sprung on you. Like if you chose to show up to an interview high that’s another story, but me interviewing you out of the blue when you’re already high…doesn’t sit right with me.” She splays her hands as she talks and then looks to Josh’s face as she finishes. He smiles reassuringly at her, the quirk in his soft lips quickly becoming something she felt dependent on. 

“What if you were high? Then would you interview us while we’re high?” Sam inquires, suddenly intrigued by her, deeming her to not be a groupie that Josh was just fronting as a journalist. 

She laughs at this and his mischievous tone. Her mind raced with thoughts. Smoking with Greta Van Fleet? Could she pass that up? She could claim it was immersive journalism if anyone called bullshit. Plenty of music journalists had smoked weed with rockstars before, at this point it should be a right of passage. 

“Are you saying you want to smoke me out and then get interviewed by me?” 

“If that’s what you want,” Sam smiles. 

Josh narrows his eyes at his little brother, but drops his expression when he feels her eyes go to his face. She looks to him for affirmation and it tugs at something inside him. They barely knew each other but she seemed to trust him. It made him feel good about himself. 

When Josh smiles positively, she nods, a grin now breaking onto her face, “Fuck yeah, let’s do this.” 

Sam disappears back into the tour bus and she pulls out her phone to text Chloe while Josh changes quickly and finds two more lawn chairs. He had told Sam to fuck off and find a chair of his own before he had gone into the bus for the weed supplies. Sam had rolled his eyes at his older brother, but agreed to it anyway. 

“Getting smoked out by gvf and then interviewing them i think…”

Chloe’s text pops in immediately: “no fuckin way”

Then another: “brooooo”

Another: “im gonna go get a drink and watch metallica i think bc one of them is literally gonna try to fuck you and i dont want to cock block, but text me updates PLS and be careful!!!”

Y/N smiles down at her phone and shakes her head before typing out a response after hearting Chloe’s last message: “one can only hope, if not tho, free weed and a fucking crazy interview, the paper is going to shit their pants…might need to leave the getting high asf with them out tho ;)”

Chloe: “tell me if one or more of them calls it fucking grass, i’ll die”

Y/N: “Midwesterners …” 

Josh returns to her side after placing down the two lawn chairs in front of them in a semi-circle. 

“Your friend?”

She hums, “Yeah she actually said she really wants to see Metallica’s set, so she won’t be joining us.” 

“Is that alright?” Josh asks seriously, leaning his head down to ask her more quietly. 

She quickly pushs away the butterflies that just fluttered inside of her when his breath hit the shell of her ear. 

“Yeah, of course. Should it not be?” 

“I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. Like you don’t have to smoke weed with us if you don’t want to, Sam’s just pushy sometimes and likes to get his way, youngest child syndrome and all… Do you even smoke?” Josh almost whispers the final question in complete seriousness. 

She cackles at this, but stifles it almost just as quickly as the laughter came out. “I’m sorry, I just haven’t been asked that in awhile. I was high off an edible for the majority of your set, I timed it so that I would be sober to hopefully interview one of you when I spoke with you.” 

Josh pinkens at her words, the memory of her dancing in the crowd once again flashing in his mind. No wonder she’d looked so happy. “Oh, well then. Let’s smoke some grass, huh?” 

She laughs and watches him sit down and pat the seat beside him. Jake and Danny also watch on as she smiles sweetly towards Josh and he reciprocates it. 

They eye each other and it’s like they know exactly what is going on. Normally, Josh didn’t create such an elaborate ruse to get what he wanted, but it certainly seemed like the route he was taking would get to the same end result: hooking up with a hot girl after the show. What they didn’t know or couldn’t possibly realize was just how special this hot girl was already becoming to Josh. 

“So,” Sam sits down on a different type of chair that he must have found inside the bus between Danny and Jake, “What made you want to go to school for journalism?” 

She debates on saying she didn’t come here to answer questions, she’s supposed to be the one asking them, but she refrained, seeing the genuine curiosity in most of their eyes. She needed to go with the flow. Something she was trying to be better at. 

“I didn’t initially start out as a journalism major. I was English first and found it boring as fuck. I just knew I wanted to be a writer.” 

Jake nods along to her answer and Josh watches her intently while she glances around at all of them. Sam produces a few joints and places one between his lips, breathing in and flicking a lighter to the end of it. He puffs at it for a long moment, then slips it between his slender fingers again and pulls it from his lips, the smoke billowing out past his lips. 

He passes to his left, Jake, and she notes it, finding the way someone smokes in a group extremely telling. By passing it to Jake, she was going to get the joint faster than if Sam had passed it to Danny, whether that was on purpose, she couldn’t be too sure. 

“And you want to do music journalism?” Sam asks as Jake leans back into his seat. 

She nods, feeling shaky under his entirely too intense droopy eyes. Jake takes only a little puff of the joint and passes it to her. She’s careful to avoid his finger tips, but it doesn’t seem like he cares much as he lazily holds it out to her. 

She felt the weight of everyone’s eyes on hers and she tried to picture her face as she put the joint between her lips. She never felt attractive when she was smoking from a joint just because her lips seemed to disappear and she was concentrating on not coughing up the smoke in its entirety. 

Strategically, she crosses her legs as she brings it to her lips, hoping that might draw some attention from her face. Her baggy black jeans probably weren’t that visually appealing to them compared to if she had worn shorts or a skirt. She cursed herself, but maintained that these pants were lucky despite how unsexy they might be. She often wore them when she got impromptu interviews so in her heart she had known she needed to wear them rather than one of her cuter short skirts or sheer tights and shorts that she had originally been thinking of wearing. 

Her maroon booted foot swings slightly as she splays her entire hand over the lower half of her face. Her second line of defense, the rings on her hand and her black painted nails would be more interesting than her face. 

She pulls away and glances to Josh before blowing the smoke behind her, not wanting to be rude. He’s been watching the entirety of her movements. The way she shifted in her seat and closed her eyes slightly as she took the hit. The glitter over her eyelids and white eyeliner she had under her eyes was all he could focus on now. It hadn’t distracted him when she had stood across from him at the gate, but now it was transfixing as her eyelashes fluttered and she looked at him not closer than before, but without a physical barrier between them. 

She leans forward to pass it to Josh, once again mindful of fingers touching, but he grins when they still brush since the joint had dwindled. He takes a couple hits and they go around from there with the first joint once more and then start on a second one. 

Sam continues to grill her with questions, but as the time goes on her laugh gets lighter and more intermingled with her responses. Her eyes droop to meet their level, the whites of her eyes don’t turn as red as theirs though. They never did that anymore which she thought was a blessing. 

“And why did you want to interview the Greta Van Fleet?” Sam finally asks and at this point she would admit that she was fully stoned from their weed – oftentimes she was dubious of out of state weed, but this worked plenty. 

“Because,” She laughs to herself and wants to tell them just how big of a fan she was, but still maintains some self control, “you’re the best band Bottlerock got and…the college girlies love y’all.” 

“Is that so?” Sam laughs, throwing his head back and his once more long hair with it. 

“Yes,” She insists, her eyes go to the other band members and see Danny is watching Sam, Jake is looking off into the open space, and Josh is still looking at her. She stares in his eyes, no longer inhibited by anxiety, “the spin on the classic rock sound, the meaningful lyrics, the cool outfits, the sex appeal. What more could a girl want out of a band, except maybe some more interesting names, but the band name makes up for it, I think.” 

Sam’s laugh is loud, similar to Josh’s yet on a slightly higher register. Jake manages a “Hey” at her dig about their basic names. 

“Is that all you want out of a band?” Sam prods. 

“Maybe it’s time for Y/N to start asking the questions?” Josh interrupts. 

She nods, feeling extremely stoned, she tries to ground herself, she takes a deep breath and it cools her screaming lungs. Josh had given her a water bottle when she’d asked for one, but it didn’t stop the dry paper feel of her mouth or the ache in the back of her throat no matter how much of the liquid she gulped down. 

“I agree,” She states and looks down at her phone, the questions in her notes app swirling in loopy waves now before her eyes in just the slightest way. “What’s the most overwhelming emotion you feel up on stage?” 

The same question she had asked Josh earlier was still floating around in her mind. She wanted to see if they had different answers. 

Jake hums eagerly, clearly interested in the question as he adjusts his seated position and strokes a finger around his lips. “Suppose ‘sublime' would just about sum it up?” 

Her eyebrows raise and she suppresses the laugh that threatens at her lips. She was both enamored by the response and grossed out. If any man outside of Greta Van Fleet had said that to her she likely would have rolled her eyes, but coming from his lips she was like ‘damn, that’s fucking insightful,’ especially since she was high. 

“Electrified,” Sam tries to say coolly, the word just sounds muddled around his mouth. 

She snickers, “I don’t know if that is exactly an emotion, but I’ll take it. 

“Happiness,” Danny responds easily and she returns a nice smile, she’s having a hard time thinking of what’s coming next right now. Maybe there was no need to worry about it. 

The next question comes out before she means it to. Well, she didn’t mean for it to come out at all. It wasn’t written on her notes app, it just popped into her head. Insidiously. 

“Are you ever jealous of one another?”

Everyone is silent for a beat too long, but she doesn’t notice it. Everything was foggy with weed. 

“What would we be jealous of with one another?” Jake asks slowly, like he’s not sure if he heard the question correctly. 

“I don’t know, you tell me. The answer can just be no, but…it doesn’t seem like it is.”

“Was she asking these hard of questions before?” Sam asks Josh. 

Josh laughs lightheartedly, sufficiently high, “Nah, but she keeps you on your toes, huh?” He doesn’t see the harm in the question because he trusts Y/N. It was clear to him that she wouldn’t use this question in her piece and it was more something that had piqued her interest. Hell, she wasn’t even recording this anymore, her transcription app was closed and forgotten about in the back pocket of her jeans. 

“I’d say I get a little miffed when some people leave me out of the band just because I’m not a biological brother, but the boys have never made me feel that way. It’s other people,” Danny lets out. 

She nods solemnly at him. 

Sam pipes up after a hum of contemplation, “I’ll always be the younger brother in people’s eyes. Deference always goes to Jake or Josh which can be…annoying, but like Daniel said, it’s not them, it’s other people.” 

She nods. Jake and Josh share a look. 

“Oh come on, you two are identical twins, I feel like all I usually hear from them is complaining about their other half.” 

Sam laughs, “I could certainly share my thoughts.” 

“No, no, no. That’s not how this works. It’s about self reflection,” She splays her hands in front of her in a slow manner as she says ‘self reflection’. 

“Okay, okay.” Sam holds up his hands in defense and she smiles back. 

She looks to Josh who is now worrying his bottom lip. When she turns to Jake, he’s tugging at his lip with his fingers. She feels a little bad, but it was just so fun making confident men get a little shaken. 

“Um, maybe how Josh can grow facial hair, pretty jealous of that. You’d think I could too, but it’s even patchier.” Jake conjures up his response. 

Josh laughs out a relieved laugh that gives away more than he possibly wanted it to and then breathes out his response before he loses his nerve, “Jake’s ability to be in a stable long distance relationship.” 

Jake arches a brow at Josh and she can tell that even if he was high now, Jake was going to follow up with his brother later to unpack what he had just said. She didn’t feel comfortable doing that since she barely knew them and the response had sent an uncomfortable bolt of anxiety through her, throwing off the high, but she was determined to keep ahold of it. 

“What’s one thing you wish people cared more about?” 

“How do you work that into your music?” 

“Can you describe the sensation of playing your instrument?” 

She runs through the different questions and gets better and better answers as she sticks to the less controversial ones. Sam waxes eloquent about playing bass with his feet, while Danny shares how drumming feels all encompassing, Jake tries to explain how he both disappears and is everywhere at once when he plays his solos, Josh talks about feeling connected to every living thing when he sings. 

She almost wants to cry as they describe it because she’s never felt those things before and likely never could. She was never one to stick with things that were hard, instruments were hard for her. Her hands are too small and weak to reach the different notes whether on the guitar or piano. Her voice never good enough and her mind not creative enough to set her poetry to song. 

They finish up the questions and Jake decides he does want to see Metallica play the second half of their set, Danny says he’ll go too. After a moment of hesitation, Sam stands to leave too, sending a wink her way and a pointed look at Josh. Josh asks her if she wants to go with them. 

Her head lulls onto her shoulder as she stares at Josh. Her eyes move lazily over the outline of his entire body, sweeping over details she never would have noticed in a picture or from her position below the stage earlier. His profile is illuminated as the sun starts to set and his skin is cast in gold. She smiles to herself and her eyelashes flutter once more as she savors the dying light and warmth as it recedes from the sky. 

She felt so happy with herself, she had gotten more than she had hoped for, the interview and now Josh seemed like he wanted to hang out with her rather than kick her to the curb. And while, ethically, it might be wrong to be doing whatever this was with Josh as a subject, she was still a student, afterall, fuck ups were bound to happen and as long as no one found out it would be fine. 

“No,” She mumbles finally, eyes still closed, “I’m content being here.” 

He nods even though she can’t see it. When she reopens her eyes, she still can’t take them off of Josh. She wanted to laugh at how unreal this situation felt, but it might just be because of how fuzzy the weed had made her feel. 

He looks at her after a moment of feeling her gaze on him. 

“Thank you,” She speaks out softly when it seems like he’s going to ask her what she was thinking. The buzz of people around them was filtered out of earshot, making it seem like everyone else was very far away and they were completely alone. 

“You did this all by yourself. You’re incredible.” 

“I never could have done it if you hadn’t been nice enough to walk over. You could have just ignored me or said you were too busy.” 

“Yeah but you didn’t really give me a choice with your speech and all.” 

“And all what?”

“All of you.” His hand comes out and waves in a down movement, gesturing at her figure, “Your look, your determination. I saw you slip through the crowd during Weight of Dreams. I had been curious as to where you had gone since you seemed to be enjoying the set so much. Seeing you call me over afterwards piqued my interest. I had to know what was up.” 

“Well I told you what was up, you still could have left after I explained myself,” She pushed, their eyes planting on each other’s as she ignored his vague compliment of her figure and personality. 

“Yeah but I like you.” 

“Yeah?” She grins, leaning forward on her knees, closer to Josh as she knocks them slightly in hops of brushing them against his. He nudges out his knee closest to hers so that they can touch. “I like you too.” 

Josh only hums in response. She waits for him to speak, the giddy excitement overtaking her relaxed body. 

“I don’t want you to think I do this all the time…” Josh starts, worrying his lower lip, “Sam made it out to sound like I’m always fucking groupies, but that’s not true. And even if it were, I really wouldn’t consider this to be similar. I like your mind.” 

She laughs. “You like my mind,” She repeats. 

Josh pinkens around his ears and over his cheeks, he looks especially boyish despite his facial hair and strong features. 

“I just meant…” 

“No, I know. I like your…mind, too. It just sounds so cheesy.” She laughs again and Josh rubs at the back of his neck and sighs like he’s trying to find the right thing to say. 

“What if we just forget about the whole ‘we’ve only just met’ thing and ‘you’re in a famous band that I just interviewed’ thing and like every other part of this situation? Just focus on each other.” She continues.

“I think I can do that,” Josh nods, slips a hand to her neck and pulls her face closer to his. 

She sighs at his warm touch and leans closer. His nose brushes against hers and it nudges at her cheek. Her eyes fall down to look at his pink lips, so close to touching hers. And she takes her own advice and forgets about literally everything else besides how Josh feels against her.

She lets herself get lost in his kiss, it’s warm and soft and a little bitter from the taste of smple and a beer on his tongue. It shouldn’t taste good, but she hopes to remember it for the rest of her life even though it’s happening as she thinks it. 

She often felt that sensation, remembering an event just as it was unfolding in real time. She looked forward to a time where she would be looking back on this and it made her try to store every single part of it to memory. 

Josh presses his mouth harder against hers and she sighs at how good it feels, at the fire of desire starting to kindle faster inside of her. Her hand falls down to rest on his knee that is facing hers and it grips him tightly, fearful of him pulling away and losing the sensation of his soft lips. His nimble fingers had snaked up her shoulder to the base of her neck and they splayed along the entirety of it in a dominant but careful way. He was holding her there, but it was clear that she could pull away at any time. 

She pushed into him for more, her mouth opening for him as he licked into her and they went back and forth in the kiss, staying connected while their hands moved around and explored each other’s bodies with a passionate care. 

Josh pulls back first and she’s grateful for the reprieve, not realizing just how much she needed air. She thinks about how he’s a singer and has a crazy lung capacity, he must have pulled back out of courtesy for her, which was endearing. 

He looks at her shyly and she wants to laugh at how vulnerable he seems for just making out with her in public after knowing her for only a couple of hours.  

“I really want…” Josh takes a deep breath, but as she noticed, he wasn’t out of breath in the first place. 

Her cheeks are flushed as he speaks and the hopeful look in her eyes communicates that she wants him just as much as he wants her. 

“I would really like,” Josh corrects, “If you’d show me around Napa tomorrow.” 

Her eyes widen and her mouth immediately opens to protest, but sees the softness in every bit of Josh’s features. She wasn’t planning on staying in Napa, she was going to spend the rest of her weekend in her hometown before heading back to school. Her hometown was about an hour and a half away and then her school was four hours from there. 

“I wasn’t planning on sticking around since I don’t have tickets for the other days,” She starts.

“I can get you and your friend tickets for Saturday and Sunday, if you want,” Josh supplies. 

“I’m not even from Napa, I don’t even know all that much about it,” She continues. 

“Then we could explore it together,” Josh tries, his eyes a hopeful warm honey brown. “C’mon, this is me trying to see you again.” 

“Josh,” She sighs at his conviction to make it work even in just this tiny thing, but she knew it would only hurt her more to continue hanging out with him if his interest in her was more than just a hookup. “One or two more days won’t make me hurt less when I never see you again… like this.” 

Josh sighs, but there’s a smile on his face. He takes one of her hands in his and rubs his thumb over it gently. 

“What if you looked at this situation where only the best case scenarios happen? You say yes to hanging out for the next few days. We listen to good music and drink good wine because, y’know, Napa is known for that stuff,” Josh begins a speech and she rolls her eyes playfully at him sharing such a widely known fact. “And then we part ways, but we have endless memories together and since only good things happen, we’re bound to see each other again. And we go on from there.” 

She giggles at his smile that bids her to say yes to him. Her head shakes a bit, trying to ward off the silliness she feels, the silliness of reality, but she wants to try this untethered optimism Josh is asking her to buy into. 

“Okay,” She relents with another nervous laugh.

-

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, what am I going to do?!” 

Chloe sighs with a roll of her eyes. “You’re going to shower, get dressed and then go out with the frontman of Greta Van Fleet. Dazzle him with your brilliance and make out with him again – or maybe more, that part is up to you.” 

“No,” Y/N trails out the word, her hands covering her face. “I can’t do this. I feel like I’m going to throw up.” 

“No, you’re not,” Chloe reassures. “Just stop thinking about it so hard. He asked you out. He convinced you to stay. He’s orchestrating all of this – he clearly wants you, so stop worrying.” 

“Okay.” 

She found herself saying okay to things that didn’t feel okay at all. Yes, she wanted to hang out with Josh again and do whatever that entailed, but she was scared. He was a famous musician and, like, this force to be reckoned with and she was just a 21-year-old college student who barely knew what she was going to do with her life. Sure, she had this tentative plan, but it moreso was a line she repeated when people asked, she wasn’t exactly sure if it was what she truly wanted. Josh had his life figured out at 26 and he was talented, successful, sure of himself and just all around wonderful. How was she supposed to measure up to his standards? 

Yesterday, she had been cool, but looking back on it she was convinced she was still a little high when interviewing him. Plus! This was different, this was like a date or something, whereas yesterday had been her proving a point, had been her going after a goal and achieving it. It wasn’t meant to be intimate – and sure, she had made out with him, but in her defense she was high and he’s hot. 

With all that in mind, she and Chloe got dressed for the day. Luckily, both of them were overpackers and had about three days worth of clothing with them. This was both a good and very very bad thing for Y/N. She was able to wear something else but she also was able to overthink her outfit about ten times based on the different combinations she could come up with. 

Eventually, she settled on the same slouchy black jeans as yesterday and a black halter vest that she thought was both impossibly cool and flattering. Her boobs looked especially good in it so that reassured her. Instead of her boots, she put on her mary jane Doc Martens and hoped they didn’t give her too much height next to Josh. She felt like the outfit wasn’t very Josh. It almost was more of Jake’s vibe or possibly Sam’s. Did she look too young? Would Josh not like it? Would he like that she hadn’t dressed to please him in the idea that it wasn’t light, bright, floral or anything remotely happy – things she assumed he liked when it came to clothes? She didn’t even really know him, fuck, did he like that on his partners? The irony wasn’t lost on her that by asking these questions she was negating the point that she hadn’t dressed with him in mind. 

As she walked to the patch of grass next to a specific wine booth Josh had said to meet at, these questions, worries and thoughts raced through her mind. When the booth was in sight and Josh’s curly hair was conspicuously bobbing beside it as he spoke with one of his brothers, she fought the urge to turn back and run – just to change her outfit. Did Josh want a frilly, lacey, flowy girl? She could do that. She liked that vibe too, but this had been what she settled on and now that she saw him in his white shirt and khakis, she was mad at herself for her choice. They were going to look like complete opposites. 

Chloe noticed her slowing down. “Keep it moving, girl,” She insisted. 

Y/N reluctantly kept moving towards them. She was more nervous now than she was yesterday. Admittedly, yesterday she had nothing to lose. Today, Josh knew who she was, he had expectations of her and what if she didn’t fulfill them… 

Josh calls her name after spotting her and before she can run away and hide. His face is bright and shiny as the sun washes over his tanned skin and beaming grin. It’s almost like his eyes twinkle with the sun sparkling off of his irises. She smiles back, timidly. In her head, she was telling herself to just act normal, but it had short circuited and she had no idea what normal was anymore. 

“Josh,” She greets and tries to suppress the wince that follows because she immediately feels lame for just saying his name back. 

“How are you today, ms. journalist extraordinaire?” Josh expounds before pulling her into a friendly hug that lingers to the right of friendly in the end. 

“Good,” She mumbles back into the collar of his shirt where her head was resting as he held her there, her body felt limp and clammy in his arms and she hoped he didn’t notice it. Once again her eyes slip shut in annoyance at her words. Why not anything more than just ‘good’. 

Her hands wrap at Josh’s waist since his arms had gone around her shoulders. Her hands rest at his lower back for a moment as warmth rises off of him while waves of chamomile, clean linen, nag champa and a little bit of weed invade her nose. Of course he smelled amazing and she was wearing a mix of an expensive perfume she had received as a high school graduation gift and a men’s cologne she had stolen from a guy’s apartment one time because she was drunk and thought it was funny and then ended up really liking the scent. Would Josh like a manly scent on her? 

Her eyes slip shut at the warm and soft sensations of Josh’s presence, but she’s pulled away from him by reality. She steps back from him upon realizing she needed to introduce her friend to him and Sam, who gave her a small smile and a casual nonchalant wave of his hand. 

“This is my friend and roommate, Chloe. Chloe, this is Josh and Sam – as you know,” She feels herself grimace at her words. Why did everything that came out of her mouth sound wrong to her? Of course Chloe knew who the guys were, she was just about as in love with them as Y/N was. 

Chloe laughs and says hello. Josh smiles sweetly at her and Sam nods his head and says hello back. 

“Nice to meet you, Chloe,” Josh starts, charming as ever. “Did you enjoy Metallica’s set last night?” 

Chloe responds affirmatively and casts a glance at Y/N, communicating her knowledge of what she and Josh did instead of going to the Metallica set. Josh doesn’t pick up on it and asks another question instead. 

“What’s it like having a journalist as a roommate? Does she ask a lot of questions?” 

“Besides when she’s trying to pick an outfit, not really,” Chloe laughs, once again shooting Y/N a look. 

Josh catches this one and looks over her outfit once more. “I think the outcome is lovely,” He smiles, reassuringly. “You look fantastic,” He rephrased to Y/N, in case his meaning wasn’t clear. 

She smiles in an uncharacteristically shy way, a laugh sounding from her closed lips as her eyes flicker between her friend and Josh. “Thanks,” she mumbles. 

There’s an awkward beat of silence – or maybe just a breath that she interprets as awkward, that she longs to fill. 

“Who did you want to see today?” She asks Josh, unable to let the silence go any longer. 

“I was just about to ask you the same thing,” He smiles. 

Chloe chimes in, getting bored of being a third wheel to them, “I’m going to go over to the twenty one pilots stage and hope by the time it’s their set I can be closer to the front.” 

“Oh,” Sam’s eyebrows perk up in interest, “I can just get us to the front of their stage if you want. I wanted to see them perform as well.” 

She regards Chloe and Sam’s exchange before turning to look at Josh who has a perplexed expression pass over his face for a moment and then lets it pass. 

Sure enough, Chloe is happily agreeing to the idea before Y/N can try and protest. She had been hoping to keep some safety of having other people around, so she didn’t have to be alone with Josh. If she wasn’t alone, there was less chances of it being her fault if things didn’t work out. 

“I’m not super into twenty one pilots,” She says once Chloe and Sam are out of earshot. 

Josh quips, “Neither is Sam, but he must like your friend. But not to worry, I’m sure he’ll be a gentleman.” 

She rolls her eyes and gives a quick ‘sure’, but she wasn’t too worried about Chloe going off with Sam – he was her favorite, after all. 

Josh circles back to their original discussion, reiterating her original question of who they wanted to see perform today. She notes his change in the question, who do ‘we’ want to see. 

She hums, “Well, I glanced over the lineup for today and I think the Black Crowes and Greensky Bluegrass would be cool to see. Also Rainbow Kitten Surprise.” 

“I was thinking the same exact thing,” He nods with a smile gracing his face. 

“Oh, were you?” 

“Well, if you want the truth, I was prepared to say that no matter what you said, but I, too, want to see the Black Crowes and Greensky Bluegrass. I’ve never had the pleasure of listening to…Rainbow Kitten Surprise, but I’m sure it will be an experience.” 

She grins at his cadence and the manner in which he regarded her as he spoke. He was mesmerizing. Her anxieties were forgotten as she looked at him and longed to just observe him. 

They agreed that leaving the festival would be a hassle and therefore would put it off until tomorrow. Instead, while the set times for the three bands were off in the distance, they were going to get drunk off of free wine and beer. Since Josh was talent, he got all his food and drink covered. And since Josh was Josh, he was charming enough to get her food and drink covered, as well. 

After the first wine bar, two glasses of wine - one red and one rosé and 45 minutes of stilted conversation, they walked around the festival on an especially grassy patch of land. They were almost shoulder to shoulder as they walked, Josh only slightly taller than her, but she didn’t mind. His hair made up for it with about three inches of extra volume. Their hands swung by their sides, almost brushing with every step, but she never took the plunge. 

Josh was carrying on the conversation almost completely by himself and she was content to listen. She didn’t want to say something to irrevocably change their time together. She felt his eyes on her as they ambled towards a beer tent that had looked fun and interesting and also had seating for them to rest for another 45 minutes. The bluegrass band’s set was at 1 pm and it was just about noon. 

“What’s wrong?” 

She giggles and looks at Josh who is still regarding her with a perplexed expression. “Nothing.” But her response is too quick. 

Josh stops walking. His hand jumps up to her upper arm, to hold her from walking away but also as a form of connection. 

“Seriously, did I say something?”

“Oh my god,” She rushes, this time in adamance and necessity to reassure Josh. “No! No, no, it’s not you. I’m just in my head, I guess.” 

“Why?” Josh immediately pushes, wanting to fix whatever is plaguing her mind. 

“I’m just…” She stops and sighs. Her head turns away from Josh, dropping his gaze and looking around the field they were in, instead. “Honestly?” She starts again and Josh nods. 

His eyes are anxious and kind, appraising the situation with the utmost care despite having no clue as to what she is about to say. 

“I’m a fucking mess, Josh,” She sighs. “I’m a third year college student and I have no idea what I’m gonna do with my life or how I’m gonna get there. I’m terrified and confused all the time. I live my life in weeks, waiting for the cycle to end so that I can hang out with my closest friends who aren’t actually that close and essentially do nothing because it’s always just the same.” 

She takes a deep breath before continuing since Josh has remained silent. “And you’re you,” She gestured exagerratedly at his frame. “You’ve got your shit figured out, you’re a famous fucking musician for fuck’s sake, and I’m over here trying not to implode with all the thoughts racing through my mind, hoping and praying that I don’t fuck this up because I just don’t know why you’re even bothering with me.”

“Bothering with you?” He repeats, his expression is sad in a way she had never seen before. “Oh, sweet girl. You don’t need to have everything figured out. It might not seem like it, but even I don’t have all my shit figured out. You’re not a mess, you’re human and you are living the human experience so you need to be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself and trust me when I tell you that you aren’t going to fuck this up. I told you yesterday that I liked your mind…right before I kissed you, if I’m not mistaken. So let’s get out of that mind for a little and just be here, present with one another. It will feel really good.”

“I don’t get you.” She still feels defensive and unable to believe that Josh was really this open. 

“That’s because you don’t know me,” He responds in a slightly gruff voice. “Yet. Like you, I’m a far more complex person than just who I was when you met me yesterday.” 

She nods quickly, immediately realizing her mistake. “You’re right, I’m sorry if I implied that your life was perfect.”

“Don’t apologize,” Josh chuckles good-naturedly with a shake of his head. “Just promise me you’ll be present today.” 

“I promise.” She speaks softly, desperately wanting to be telling the truth, but a nagging part of her mind can’t comprehend why Josh wants anything to do with her. 

“Good. Now let’s go drink some free beer!” 

The day passes, filled with laughter and music and alcohol and anecdotes of their lives. She was sure Josh was the funniest person she had ever met with that terrible kind of dad humor that most people hate but she couldn’t get enough of it from him. Josh was certain that Y/N was the most interesting and complex person he had met in his life yet simple in the way she interacted with him – there was so much going on behind her eyes, he was enamored with unpacking it all, bit by bit. Once she stopped the worrying, she would beam at everything he said and gush about the things she loved, namely music and fashion. 

“I know it might sound materialistic or silly, and maybe it boils down to seeking beauty and then therefore pleasure,” She arches a brow at Josh, harking back to his comments yesterday when she had interviewed him. “But I think dressing up is the best thing you can do, especially if it’s just for the fun of it. It’s exciting and enthralling and I wish I could just play dress up all day like I did when I was in preschool.” 

He ducks his head down and smiles into his beer for a moment before taking a quick sip and shaking his head. His curls bobbed with the movement in an endearing fashion that made her want to pet his hair, but obviously she refrained. 

“I don’t think it’s materialistic or silly. Especially when you backed it up with the insight that it’s likely due to your love for beauty and pleasure and your childhood.” 

She twists her lips up, trying to hide her smile as she averts her gaze from Josh’s once more. He was just so sweet. “Thanks,” She whispers from across the picnic table they were sitting at after the first band's set. 

Josh had offered to get them to the front of the stage but she had said she wanted to hang out at the back on the grass, where they could watch the crowd and the band. No one bothered them as they swayed along to the bluegrass music and sipped at their plastic cups of beer. Josh had taken their cups from their hands when they were done and placed them beside them on the grass before extending his hand to her. She had placed her palm in his with uncertainty painting her features. He nodded back reassuringly, the light never once leaving his perfect golden brown eyes. 

He spun them around in the grass and they began to dance unabashedly between the interspersed people. She threw her head back in laughter as he dipped her and brought her back close to him with one large hand securely clutching at her waist. It was firm against the curve of her skin just above her hip. The point of contact was skin to skin as her top was cropped and her pants weren’t super high waisted. It felt like seering heat and ice simultaneously. 

He grinned back radiantly at her and she saw it before ducking her head into the crook of his neck. Her breath fanned over the skin at the base of his neck that was exposed as her grip on his shoulder pulled his shirt a little bit away from the divot in his collarbone. She’d kept her head there for the rest of their dancing, resting her chin on his shoulder for a while as well. Josh had hummed along to the songs and moved them around as the leader of their dancing, swaying his hips slightly to bring her out of her reverie. 

Back at the bench, she realizes Josh is speaking to her again and she nods with her eyes widening slightly to show she had been listening despite her daydreaming of a moment that had passed just a half hour ago. He was telling her that it was cute that she still enjoyed something that she did as a preschooler and shared that he had begun singing and performing when he was just a toddler as well. 

She hummed in agreement. “You’re a good dancer.” 

“You’re not so bad yourself,” He winks playfully and she swats at his hand resting on the table between them, moreso to just touch him than to chastise him for being flirty. Since the kiss yesterday, nothing too intimate had passed between them, save for the hug and the dancing. 

“I danced until I was a senior in high school,” She admits, contemplatively, almost conspiratorially since the next part felt like a bit of a secret to share with someone as famous as Josh – even if she tried not to think about that part of him for her own sanity. “I loved to perform too.” 

“You don’t say,” He lights up and once more she is shocked that he can look any more interested in their conversation. “You know what? I can actually see that.” 

She laughs lightly, as if she’s a little embarrassed by his compliment. “Yeah,” She pauses. “I’m sure you know better than I do, but the thrill of being on a stage and having people watching you do what you’ve practiced for so long and you’re a little nervous but you’re mostly excited to kill it and have them applaud you. That thrill of getting to be something more than just yourself – I don’t know if you think of it like that when you’re singing since you’re just yourself up there, but –” 

He nods along and bites at his lip while she speaks. “No I think so too, it’s exhilarating. I definitely am more than just myself up there. I feel invigorated and full of life but I also know what you’re talking about from acting, kind of taking on a different character that is more than me, but like it’s still me doing it, becoming it, y’know.” 

“Do you ever think you do it off stage?” She asks meekly, maybe scared of his answer. 

“Sure, definitely. I don’t know,” He walks through his answer aloud and she smiles softly at his uncertainty. After a moment. “Don’t we all? We’re all performers somedays.”

She hums her agreement, glad he thought similarly to her. The thought had been on her mind since she met Josh and how differently he would act in different moments. 

“You’re challenging, you know that?” 

“Most people don’t say it like it’s a compliment.”

Josh shakes his head and takes another swig of beer. She follows suit. 

“Most people don’t like to be challenged.”  

“And you do?” 

“Clearly.”

“Clearly,” She smiles back at Josh and they’re silent for a good while after that, just staring at each other with a thick air of tension and longing. 

They see Rainbow Kitten Surprise at the back of the crowd once more and she bops around happily while Josh smiles and enjoys it more than he expected. He whispers in her ear when they mess up chords or are off key, how he knew it she wasn’t sure but she believed him and nodded back conspiratorily. A fan stops him once during that set and she watches quietly as they interact. Josh is animated, possibly more than he was with her – if it were possible, as he takes genuine interest in what the person tells him and then takes a picture with them. He bids them farewell and once they’ve gone away he returns closer to her, telling her about his joy in meeting fans. Her brow creases in thought as he explains it, but she’s stuck on how his demeanor changed with them and then deflated to a slightly more controlled self when he was just with her.  

She lets him take her to the front of the stage for the Black Crowes set and she lets him hold her with his arms wrapped around her waist as they sway and bounce to the songs. They’re plenty tipsy and possibly fully drunk by then and she leans her head back onto his chest. She rests her hands on his forearms that are snaked close to her body and she can hear him breathe against her ear softly and raggedly when he’s out of breath from dancing them around. 

A more sultry song comes on and she purposefully settles into Josh’s chest a little more. His touch is electric as she moves his arms from around her waist to her hips. She can feel him smile into her hair as she presses further back into his firm body and he presses close to her. 

When one of Josh’s hands goes missing from her hip she’s close to turning around to see what was wrong, but is placated by his slender fingers playing along the base of her neck as he moves her hair out of the way. They return to her hip but she’s distracted by his plush lips on her neck as they sway, tangled up in one another. 

“Is this alright?” Josh asks lowly in her ear, before continuing with another kiss. 

“More than,” She breathes, peeking over her shoulder at him. “I’ve wanted you to kiss me again all day.” 

His lips quirk up into a pleased smile. “That can be arranged.” 

She giggles at his brows lifting in a way that is supposed to be seductive but seems a little hokey coming from Josh and all his lovely mannerisms. 

Once more, his lips are on hers and she melts into his touch, twisting around in his hold. His skin is fire against her compared to the cooling May air. Their tongues lick into each other's mouths and their sighs are soft against each other’s mouths, only heard by them due to the music being plenty loud around them. 

She tears her lips from Josh’s to kiss his strong jaw, something she had longed to do for a while. The hard spot of his jaw just below his earlobe is where she wants to kiss the most. And as she laves it with her tongue, Josh breathes hard through his nose as his hands hold her close to him, feeling her body soft and sweet against him. 

She bites at the hoop earring in his ear when it catches the light for a moment when her eyes slip open. 

“Careful,” Josh warns breathlessly when he hears the clank of her teeth against the metal and feels the slight tug. 

She lets go and smirks against the skin of his throat as she moves to a new landscape. 

She murmurs against his skin. “What? Do you not like that? Or do you like it a little too much?”

Josh hums in nonchalant agreement, attempting to keep his composure while she makes out with him in a relatively public place, even if it is dark and secluded.  

She continues kissing his neck, moving with ease as she sucks softly and Josh’s hand pets over her hair, content with letting her work until she nips at him slightly. 

“No, baby,” He softly grips the base of her neck and pulls her away from her position, bringing her eyes to meet his. 

She tips her eyebrows up in protest and he smiles in spite of himself, his lips splitting to show off the little gap between his teeth. He was too pretty, it wasn’t her fault she wanted to give him a love bite. 

“I can’t have visible marks,” He sighs, wishing he didn’t have to say it, wanting nothing more for her to continue and do whatever she wanted to him.

“Aren’t you done touring for awhile?”

“Yeah, I just don’t like visible marks where people might see and speculate.” 

“Speculate,” She repeats. “I understand,” She says before moving away, no longer wishing to continue down the path she was traveling, it couldn’t have gone much further in public anyway, especially if she couldn’t leave marks. 

Josh brings a finger to tip her chin up so that she’s looking at him once more. Her eyes look anywhere but his own. Across the bridge of his nose, his sunkissed and lightly freckle-smattered cheeks, the curls that fell over his forehead, his well-trimmed mustache, his hairy goatee that had been tickling her while they kissed. She didn’t look at his lips either, avoiding them as well. 

“Hey, look at me, please.” 

Her eyes meet his, reluctantly. Her face has a pouty expression as he regards her. The lights from the stage didn’t really illuminate her face as she faced away from it, but he could make out her expression nonetheless. Their intertwined bodies were wrapped up behind one of the large speakers, obscuring them from the majority of the crowds around them.

“It’s just a preference, it doesn’t mean I don’t want you, because trust me. I want you,” He chuckles as he tries to express himself clearly. 

She nods meekly, flushed at the authoritative tone he had had with her while she was clutched in his hold. She wanted to make him happy. 

“Will you kiss me again, sunshine? The little noises you make are so pretty in my ear,” He soothes, petting at the back of her head. His voice is gravelly with desire as he looks into her eyes. 

She feels herself brighten at the pet name Josh had chosen for her. He had waxed eloquent earlier about his love for the sun and everything it did for the world. For her to be his sunshine and to want her, she would glow for him.

“I feel like we need to leave,” She responds, still wanting more with Josh and sure that couldn’t happen when they were in public. 

Josh quirks his head and then picks up on her meaning. A smirk crawls onto his features, the alcohol in his system making him so very pleased that she was such a go-getter in every aspect of her life. “Is that so?” 

She nods and pecks his lips, ready to retreat after the quick kiss, but Josh pulls her back in for a longer kiss that she hums her approval into. Josh’s lips are insistent but she pulls back with a scrape of her teeth against his lower lip, growing impatient with the limited range of actions they could partake in while at the festival. 

He pushs down the groan that threatens at the back of his throat from her actions and she feels him attempt to control himself with a squeeze of his hands against her body, the base of her neck and her waist. 

He leans down and places his lips against her ear, whispering, “Are you going to take my advice from yesterday about personal pleasure.” 

“Certainly, Joshua.” Her fingers trail across his chest in a swirling pattern. 

“Fuck,” He breathes, his head falling between them. 

“What?” 

“Say it again.” 

“Certainly?” 

“No,” He rolls his eyes and shakes his head at her. “You’re a tease aren’t you, sunshine?” He presses against her and her breath hitches feeling his arousal harder than before. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Joshua,” She grins evilly at him. 

He laughs and pulls away from her, encircling his hand around her wrist and pulling them away from the stage. “Do you think your hotel or my hotel is closer?” 

“I thought you guys were staying on the tour bus?” 

“Oh, right,” Josh looks back at her and shakes his finger at her dramatically, realizing she was correct, as she jogs to trail behind his fast pace. They break out into a fit of giggles and she catches up, wrapping her arms around his right arm in a hug as they walk along quickly. Her body curls into his like she wants to become one with Josh and maybe she wishes she could. 

Inside the tour bus, a flurry of things happen. Josh doesn’t even have the chance to assure her that they’ll be alone to partake in the activities she’s been whispering in his ear during their fast-paced walk to the bus. 

She kisses him for a moment, with hot lips smearing against his in a hurried fashion. He forgets about what he wanted to mention after he had just slipped his phone out to confirm with his band group chat. 

Her hands tug at his shirt and he obliges happily, giggling at her eagerness. Delighted that she would want to have sex with him. He felt like he was 16 again, when his high school crush finally took charge and made it clear that she wanted to have sex with him. Josh loved when a woman made her wants clear — like he had told Y/N, being vocal about pleasure was a good thing. 

“What do you want, sunshine?” He asks when her hands are trailing at the waistband of his pants. 

Her eyes cast up at him mischievously and she blinks at him with a bit of a pout. Her hands run up his smooth chest, it’s toned but not too muscular and she wants to kiss, bite and lick over every inch if he’d let her.

“I want you, Josh,” She whispers.

“I’m all yours,” He responds just as softly, his head nodding to promise it was true. 

She squints her eyes at him, simultaneously endeared and annoyed that he’d say that. She wanted him to start taking charge, he seemed to be going along with everything she was doing but she wanted him to be more active with it. She wanted him to be the dominant one, it made her feel wanted, desired. 

“Josh, I want you to fuck me like you mean it.” 

“I’ll mean it.” He goes in for a hungry kiss, nodding his head insistently still and leaving her breathless. 

Her breath becomes heavier as she begins to anticipate Josh’s moves. Her fingers fumble with the button of his pants again and he pushes them off so that he can tug at her own top. The buttons come undone easily and he pushes it from her shoulders. The black lace bra that is revealed makes Josh’s jaw drop. She grinned and reached behind herself, unhooking the bra and removing it from her body. 

Josh’s lips flew to kiss between the valley of her tits. His warm lips suction against the skin, making her arch her back. The trail of his lips moves around her body, making the skin raise with goosebumps when the cool air touches where Josh had been. His large hands were wrapped around the bottom of her shoulder blades, keeping her close as he kissed her. 

A particular hard kiss from Josh’s lips on the underside of her left tit brought about the loudest moan she had made. Josh nipped at the skin and then leaned back on his heels to look up at her with a grin on his face. 

“Keep making those noises, baby. You sound like a fuckin’ angel.” 

“I need more, Josh. Please.” She pets at his hair, brushing back the unruly curls that had been happily tickling her as he kissed her. 

He nods. “Okay, sunshine, let’s get you on the bed then. How could I say no when you ask so sweet?” 

He walks her back until her knees bend at the feeling of the bed behind her. She’s kissing at his neck until she can’t anymore. Josh stops for a moment as he watches her sitting there, looking up at him. Her arms behind her, keeping her sitting up, her face flushed and adoring as she stared at him. Her breasts perfect and heaving as she took the chance to catch her breath. 

He finishes taking off his pants and she does the same with hers, leaving them in only their underwear as Josh crawls on top of her and pulls the curtain closed around them. One of Josh’s hands is cupping her jaw as he kisses her and the other trails down her body making her tremble. 

“Josh,” She sighs his name against his lips. 

His hand continues down, swirling over the cotton fabric and rubbing over her clothes cunt. 

“I bet you’re soaked, huh?” Josh questions, more to himself than anything, continuing to focus on teasing her over her panties. 

She nods, nonetheless, causing his thumb to bump against her lips. He glances up at her face with a watchful eye and presses his thumb against her lips firmly. She parts them and sucks it greedily into her mouth, swirling and laving her tongue over it. Josh smirks and continues his fingers’ assault on her continuously growing arousal. 

“All over me when we were in public, I felt you pressing you’re ass into me when we were dancing. Trying to get me hard where anyone could see, so fucking naughty. Did you get wet just from dancing, baby?” 

Her moan is muffled behind his thumb in her mouth, but he takes it as a yes. This was so hot, Josh finally seeing exactly what she wanted. 

“Yeah you did. Cause you’re kinda a slut when it comes down to it. Is that pussy insatiable? Such a needy cunt that you’d let me take you anywhere?”

“Fuck, yes! I need you.”

His nimble fingers finally slip under the fabric and glide through her folds, circling her clit and dipping into her entrance a little before pulling back and licking a bit of her juices off his hand. His groan is loud and shaking which just makes her want him more. The cloudy fog of alcohol had made her hornier and more submissive than usual, but she didn’t feel weird about it with Josh. 

“You taste delectable, angel.” 

She squeaks at the name which makes Josh’s smirk widen. 

“Here, taste yourself,” He removes his thumb and thrusts the other two digits into her mouth now, making her moan. “Fuck, angel. I’m gonna cum in my boxers if you keep making those sounds.” 

“Then fuck me, please.” 

“You’re sure you’re ready?” He tilts his head, teasing her slightly but also checking in to make sure they’d done enough foreplay. 

She nods and pulls him in for a kiss, tongues in each other’s mouths, dancing together and fighting for who’s in charge simultaneously. One of Josh’s hands trails down and yanks at her underwear, pulling them down around her knees and she wiggles them the rest of the way off before pulling up her knees and letting Josh’s body find a home between them. 

His boxers are next but not before he grinds his clothed cock over her quivering center, open, leaking and hot for him. He sits back on his knees for a second, one hand running up and down her thigh, soothing her shivering body and the other wrapped around his cock, it’s head twitching as he dragged it through her folds. A squelching noise sounds when he begins to push it faster around her clit and entrance. The heat between her legs is amazing, it already feels as if she’s going to explode, but she wants Josh inside of her. 

He relents from his teasing finally and pushes his cock head in and then slowly the rest of him, bottoming out and draping himself over her once more. The full feeling Josh gives her cunt is better than anyone of the few before. His body is wrapped around hers and hers is then wrapped around his cock. She whimpers for him to move and he starts at a steady speed, attempting to control himself when it feels so good inside her warm snug cunt. 

He speeds up when she begs him to, the slapping sound along with every sensation was so much but she was greedy and wanted more. Her moans are loud as he pounds into her. 

“Fuck,” Josh grunts, arm beside her face as she clutches as his biceps. “You’re pussy is so sweet to me, angel. So snug and warm, so inviting. Like you made it up special, just for me.” 

“Did you make it up special for me, baby?”

“Yes,” She moans and writhes “Just for you, Josh.”

“That’s right, angel. Thank you.”

He babbles about her pussy like it’s a cabin home for his cock and in her drunk heightened state it makes complete sense, its also a little endearing if he wasn’t fucking her obscenely at a festival on a tour bus, but that barely crossed her mind. This was Josh and he was making her see stars. 

“Josh,” She whines, hands gripping now at his shoulders and back, legs wrapping around his hips to push herself up to him. 

“Are you gonna cum? Gonna cum so pretty for me with that sweet cunt of yours. Can feel it choking my cock, wanting it to never leave. Believe me baby I don’t ever wanna leave.” 

She nods deliriously, moaning at his words. 

“Then go on, angel. Take it. It’s all yours. Yours for the taking, go on. Cum.” His affirmations and encouragement is so sweet and so hot coupled with his thumb rubbing tight circles into her puffy clit, she loses it, convulsing around Josh’s cock as it continues to pump into her. 

Her body shakes and her head rolls back, the orgasm coming in multiple waves as he fucks her through it. A hand goes up to her face, soothing her tensed expression as the pleasure washes over her. He continues to talk but she can barely hear it. He pulls out and cums on her stomach just when she flutters her eyes open, meaning she gets to see his own eyes flutter shut and pink lips drop open as he finishes. 

He smiles lopsidedly when he opens his eyes and sees her adoring gaze on him. 

“That was amazing, sunshine,” He gives her a peck on the lips before getting up to get them cleaned up. She nods and closes her eyes, feeling content and unbelievably tired. 

She tells herself not to fall asleep before Josh returns and maybe she doesn’t but the next thing she remembers is soft sheets and a peek of sunlight coming from somewhere. 

The next morning, she finds herself in an unfamiliar bed. It wasn’t the hotel bed that she had slept in the two previous nights either. 

“Fuck,” She sat up quickly and almost hit her head if an arm didn’t keep her from sitting up completely. Instead she just jostles back and forth with the new weight registering in her mind. 

Her eyes trailed from the hand on her shoulder, up the toned arm, over the connected shoulder and finally to the face of the owner of the arm, Josh. Josh... 

Josh fucking Kiszka. She’d fucked Josh Kiszka. In his tour bus. Right. Let’s remain calm. She took a deep inhale through her nose and out her mouth, trying to be as quiet as possible as he snoozed quietly beside her. His lips were slightly parted as he breathed evenly, his skin looked as soft as perfect beach sand.

Her body was covered in a t-shirt that wasn’t hers and wasn’t Josh’s either since she was sure he only owned white ones. This was an oversized raggedy faded black Queen shirt that smelled of strong men’s cologne and not at all Josh. She picked at the collar and brought it to her nose, sniffing it and wrinkling her nose. 

“What the fuck?” She whispered to herself which caused Josh to stir ever so slightly beside her. 

She sunk back to lying flat on the bed from her position on her elbows. 

“You awake, sweet pea?” He asks softly, groggily into her ear. 

She hums as if waking up and flutters her eyelashes open, in a way that she hopes is attractive. ‘Sweet pea’ had her preening into his touch when his hand slid from all the way across her body to touch her waist, beneath the thin sheet that covered them both. 

He was curled up against her and she shifted onto her side in a relatively awkward way due to the cramped sleeping situation they were in. Thankfully, it was spacious enough that she didn’t have any aches or pains from actually sleeping in it last night. Some soreness in her thighs and other places, but that was from the activities prior to the sleeping. 

A realization of a few things happens all at once for her. 

“Did your bandmates slash brothers hear us last night?! Where’s my phone? Did I remember to tell Chloe where I was and that I wasn’t coming back to the hotel? Fuck, do you know where my phone is?”

Josh smiles, like her freak out is amusing to him and he pats at her uncovered hip, stroking it softly, trying to soothe her. 

“It’s on the charger. You texted Chloe and I told my brothers to fuck off for half the night and texted them when they were free to return to the bus. You’re okay.” 

She breathes a sigh of relief and then flushes at the memories of last night. Of Josh in all his glory. Of the extra care he took with her, like no man had ever done before. Of the sounds she had made for him. Of the words he had said. 

“Was it any good?” 

“Jesus Christ Sam!” She shrieks and tucks her knees to her chest, which doesn’t really do anything, but makes her feel more covered up underneath the thin sheet. Josh’s hand slithers around her back to hold at her other hip, trying to comfort her once more. It certainly distracts her, his soft touch and undying warmth. 

Josh glares at the curtain around the bed, knowing his brother is likely standing in the hallway behind it. 

“Well, we’re all wondering,” Sam calls again. Jake was still in bed, but awake, and Danny was making coffee down the hall, but indeed they all were quite interested in hearing what had transpired the night before. All their ears perking up to Sam’s voice echoing through the cabin instead of the murmured voices they’d heard previously.  

Josh looks to Y/N with an apologetic smile and she returns it, before tucking her head into the crook of his shoulder, finding immense comfort in his body. He reluctantly pulls the curtain back to glare at Sam, who is grinning boyishly, like he just won a game. Josh throws a pillow at his own naked chest. Sam catches it easily with a ‘humph’ sound, but the smile never leaves his face. 

“C’mon get on with the story!” Jake’s voice comes from above them, followed by a peek of his head out from his bed’s curtain. His eyes are foggy with sleep and his hair was unruly and maybe a little tangled. 

“Are they always like this?” She murmurs to Josh, but loud enough for both Sam and Jake to hear. They snort. 

Josh chuckles good-naturedly, he loved his brothers despite how prying they could be. “Only my entire life.” 

“Nice shirt.” Sam interrupts their moment once more. 

She eyes his shirtless form, how confidently and smuggly he was standing there, eyeing the shirt she was wearing. She glanced at it, its worn blackness, the little tear at the shoulder likely from someone tugging at it constantly. “Is it his?” She asks Josh. 

“Yeah,” Josh laughs. “You were insistent on wearing it last night and I tried to tell you, but you hushed me and said to be a ‘good old fashioned lover boy’ and let you do what you want.” 

“Yeah that sounds like me.” She relents and rolls her eyes at Sam who raised his eyebrows at her teasingly. “If you’re not careful, I just might keep it.” 

Sam smiles at that and raises a palm, “By all means, keep your souvenir.”

She laughs genuinely and everyone smiles happily. Afterall, it had been a good night and the guys were happy to see Josh happy. It was just obligatory to give him a little shit for it. 

Josh tells her that he’s going to get ready and then take her back to her hotel. Before she can protest, he explains that it’s so she can change and get ready to go out into Napa together. She smiles and he pecks her on the lips before getting out of bed. He hands her jeans and original shirt from yesterday back to her. As he saunters off, she works to put her jeans back on, but keeps the Queen shirt on, the halter was cute albeit slightly uncomfortable and after last night, all she ever wanted was to feel blissfully comfortable. One night with Josh had taught her so much about herself that she had never known. It was euphoric. Even the morning shenanigans of Josh’s brothers couldn’t dampen her mood, her happiness. 

She climbs out of the tour bus bed and ambles towards the smell of coffee. Eager and interested in putting some of the dark liquid into her system. A slight headache from all of the alcohol consumed yesterday persisted despite her happiness and she hoped to dull it. The ache in her legs however and the tenderness along her neck and chest, she never wanted those sensations to leave. 

Danny and Sam were seated in the area where the coffee was and Sam was quick to jump up and grab her a cup, noticing her longing stare at their cups filled with the warmth. She thanked him and greeted Danny with a soft smile. After Sam hands her a mug filled to the brim with hot coffee, she thanks him once more and takes a seat beside Danny, opposite of Sam’s original seat. 

“So…” Sam settled back into his seat and cast his eyes towards her, with a tilt of his head, rather coquettishly. 

She rolls her eyes again, but smiles softly behind the lip of the coffee mug. “You’re not going to hear a word from me. If Josh wants to tell you, that’s up to him.” 

“Based on the marks I can see on your neck and that I can only imagine going…lower. He’ll have lots to say,” Sam winks. 

Danny laughs at his friend and shakes his head at Y/N. “Ignore Sam, he’s just jealous he didn’t find anyone to hook up with at the festival. It’s always a fun place to meet people.” 

She nods, trying to ignore the slight sting his words carried. They regarded her as a friend but then spoke of other people as mere conquests. It made her feel a little icky, because wasn’t that what she was to Josh? 

There’s a beat of silence after Sam made a sound of disapproval of Danny’s observation. She swallows some more coffee before glancing her eyes back down the corridor, hoping Josh would walk out soon. 

“He’s going to be awhile,” Danny interprets her gaze. “All that hair doesn’t fall into place on its own.” 

She laughs and nods understandingly. 

Danny starts again, feeling as if he had upset her somehow, but not exactly sure how. He asks about her work as a journalism student and she jumps into it, animated and happy to talk about something she was passionate about. Eventually, Josh reemerges from the back of the bus and graces them with his presence, bright and bubbly as always. 

“Ready, sunshine?” 

A smile spreads across her face, unwittingly. Her body naturally gravitated towards the thing, the man, who had been so kind and good to her the last few days. 

After she’s changed and ready for the day, informing Chloe of the plans. The three of them are ambling outside to her car since she told Josh they didn’t need to take the random rental the band had gotten. She liked to drive anyway. The boys meet them downtown, having someone drop them off instead of driving themselves. The town center had a green garden filled with willowy trees and a white gazebo. The sound of chirping birds was almost drowned out by the passing cars, but as they walked to the center the birds became clearer and her smile grew wider. It was nice to be outside of the festival in the fresh air that wasn’t overpowered by food trucks and alcohol. 

The boys asked questions about Northern California that Y/N tried to answer to her best ability. Chloe was from Southern California which they had a little more knowledge about, but they were vastly unaware of all the huge state had to offer. 

After getting coffees from a little café and ambling down the semi-quiet streets of downtown Napa, they came upon a ceramics store where you could paint premade pots and other ceramics. 

“Oh my god! We have to go in,” She beams upon reading the sign. “This is, like, my favorite thing from my childhood. Where I grew up there used to be one, but it closed when I was like nine.”

Josh had paused beside her and had his brows raised as he watched her excitement, loving to see her excited when she had been rather quiet the entire morning. He chalked it up to a mild hangover and being one of those people who needed a few cups of coffee to start their day, according to what she had told him previously. 

“Let’s go in, then.” 

She looks up to him with a hopeful expression that turns into glee when she sees he’s serious. In her excitement, she takes ahold of Josh’s hand and leads him into the shop trailing behind her. Everyone else smiles and follows behind with mumbles of agreement that it could be fun. Jake asked if there was alcohol involved or if there could be alcohol involved and she shot him a look of mock disdain, but couldn't keep the smile off her face, caught between her childhood self’s wholesomeness and her current self’s appreciation for a good drink.

“After you fire them, can they be shipped?” Josh asks innocently to the worker who was helping them, Alice. 

“Sure! We can ship ‘em anywhere in the continental U.S. for a small fee. Outside of that, the fee does get a bit bigger.” Alice replies, handing Jake the last piece the group needed, a frog mug he had asked for. 

Josh thanks her and then turns to Y/N who is seated across the table from him. “Do you want to paint one for each other and then we can have them shipped to each other afterwards?” 

Her head quirked to the side as she felt his foot press next to hers underneath the table. She wanted to take his hand and hold it, but he had dropped her hold immediately upon entering and seeing the worker approach them so she didn’t think he liked to be touchy in public where people could see. So she refrained. She bumps his foot back and Josh smiles a little wider, mirroring her tilted head. 

“Why not?” 

“Fantastic.” 

She tries to push away the angry butterflies in her stomach that hadn’t stopped fluttering all day since she had left Josh’s bed. She longed to be back in the safety of that bed, where Josh would touch her hip to remind her he was there to comfort her. Now she just dreaded this day ending as much as Josh had encouraged her to live in the present and not view it as a memory like she had told him she often did.

At the large table, the six of them get to work on painting their ceramics of choice. Josh’s, that would be Y/N’s eventually, was a plate with vegetables on it. Y/N’s, that would go to Josh, was a small catch-all dish for jewelry or anything. Jake’s was the frog mug. Sam had snagged an ashtray with raised stars on the outside. Danny had a bowl with etched in waves. Chloe picked out a small cup that she said she’d use as a shot glass, everyone had heartily agreed that she chose the best one. 

The music playing in the store was calming, yet upbeat enough for them to consistently work and not get too off track. It also wasn’t too poppy for the music snobs who sat within the confines of the store. As an aspiring music journalist, Y/N couldn’t claim that she wasn’t one of them. Only Chloe listened to anything that could resemble the top 20 of today. 

Conversations ebbed and flowed, but with Josh and Y/N on the edge of the table, they slipped off into their own conversations more often than not. 

“I’ve been wondering,” Josh says, glancing up from his plate that now had the outer edge painted with what would be a deep forest green. “How did you get out of the pit so quickly so that you were waiting at the side of the stage when we got off? I saw you move through with relative ease, but what could you have said to get through that crowd, it’s usually pretty difficult.” 

She smiles down at the catch all plate that was going to be lavender at the center, save for some spots where she was going to place little diamond stars. “I might have lied quite a bit…I said I thought I was going to pass out and that I felt sick. Plus, people are more willing to let you out of the front rather than let you in.” She shrugged and smiled a little when Josh shook his head at her in admiration. 

“Your journalistic integrity might get called into question if you always use a ruse to get what you want.” 

“Luckily, I told you the truth,” She simpered. 

“But you didn’t!” Josh widens his eyes, realizing another thing she had fibbed about, albeit, he wasn’t actually upset about it. “You said it’d be quick and look, I’ve been with you all weekend long.” 

“That was your choice,” She shrugged, smiling down at the dish. 

She felt the eyes of Jake on her, across the table, appraising the girl Josh had taken quite a liking too. He was perplexed that they were still hanging out with her. He didn’t mind, he liked her well enough, but the whole situation was odd and he really hadn’t had time to ask Josh about it, save for after the first night. 

Josh had told him about their kiss and how he’d told her he wanted to see her again. Jake had assumed she hadn’t wanted to hook up right away so Josh was being patient, but after last night he assumed it would have been a ‘see you later’ and not a ‘we’re all spending the day together’ kind of thing. Josh had also told him that he shouldn’t worry about what he had said during their high interview with her, about not being able to hold a serious long distance relationship. He had been pressed for an answer and he knew it was true, but he also didn’t want a serious long distance relationship, so what was the big issue with saying it. 

Jake had nodded and sighed and simply hoped for the best for his brother. He was a charmer, but Jake worried that Josh often laid it on too thick, misleading girls to think it was more than it was for Josh. He just hoped Y/N understood that this wasn’t something that could last longer than the weekend. 

The wind picks up when they exit the shop. Josh had insisted on paying the shipping costs for both of their pieces since he had been the one to suggest that they exchange them. Sam had teased Josh and asked if he’d pay for everyone’s, but Josh had cackled and heckled his little brother back. 

Jake raised a brow again at his twin’s kind gestures and wandered off ahead of the group down the street. They hadn’t decided where they were going next so he wanted to be in silence for a little. 

Y/N watched him walk off and if Josh notices her attention stray from him, he doesn’t say anything as he regales her with a story from when he had accidentally almost set his laptop on fire. She laughed and smiled and interjected words of amazement and concern at all the right times – a skill she had had all her life, but perfected as a journalism student for particularly boring interviews where she just needed one quote and had to listen to someone go on forever about something that didn’t matter to her. Not that what Josh was saying wasn’t of interest to her. She was just preoccupied with Jake’s strange behavior. She didn’t know him well, obviously, but she had gathered he was quiet but also kind and particularly boisterous with his brothers. She didn’t think her or Chloe should be the cause of this silent and almost sulking quality he was exuding. 

Her interest was piqued and she just wanted to know why. She wanted to understand, perpetually curious – it was a blessing for her future career, but potentially a curse in this situation. 

Jake stops his walking to peer into a window display. The winery it was promoting was one that someone had mentioned to him that they should try while they were here. Now that it had popped up again, he thought it could be a good activity – especially with the drinking included. 

“Y’all want to go wine tasting?” He asks, turning his head to stare at the group mildly once they had neared his figure. 

“That sounds like a fantastic idea, Jacob,” Sam supplies, eyes lighting up at the prospect of going to a winery. “You are such a wonderful patriarch,” Sam snickers and Jake rolls his eyes. 

“Hey!” Josh interjects, his ego showing itself. 

Danny sounds off in agreement of going to the winery, as does Chloe, who really didn’t care, especially since she wasn’t yet 21, cursed with a summer birthday, much to her chagrin. Most wineries probably wouldn’t care, but every so often there would be a server who would card everyone. 

Y/N agrees as well, of course, but notes the flicker of possible annoyance in Jake’s eyes when she voices said agreement with “I’d love to go. Acceptable forms of day drinking are my favorite pastimes.” 

The gravel crunches beneath her car as she pulls down the unpaved road that was leading them to the winery. Chloe had said she’d take over driving after the winery so that Y/N could drink to her heart’s content. She had grinned at her best friend and thanked her. 

Inside the winery’s tasting room, a host greeted them and immediately began to help them, getting them seated outside to enjoy the warm sunshine. The breeze was welcome outside now, when they were sitting on wicker couches and chairs with dark grey cushions accented with red throw pillows, all warmed by the sun. 

Y/N found herself seated directly next to Jake on the couch and Josh on her other side in a separate chair. Josh beams at her and asks her to remind him of her favorite type of wine. She responds with “‘Malbec’ or sometimes ‘Merlot’.” Josh nods before turning to their server, asking if any of the tastings included a Malbec. She smiled and tried to keep the heat from rising to her cheeks as the server’s eyes flickered from Josh to her, noting the clear relationship they seemed to have in the server’s eyes. 

Jake readjusted in his seat and flicked some of his hair off of his shoulder. His movement brings her attention to him, but he doesn’t regard her. His eyes shifting and flickering around the scenery, out at the green vineyards and blue sky. 

“Is something wrong?” She murmurs to him, while Josh is still occupied with deciding on which tasting the group was going to do, while Sam and Danny amused Chloe with a tour story. 

His eyes reluctantly find her face, but avoid maintaining eye contact for longer than a beat. 

“Not particularly, why do you ask?” 

The stare he finally gives her with his question almost feels like he’s completely turned the tables on her. She suddenly feels very small under his gaze and she immediately longs for when he was refusing to look at her because this is far more intimidating. His pointed nose is narrow and sharp like a beak of an elegant bird as he stares down at her. His eyes barely crinkle at the edges and his eyebrows furrow ever so slightly. Her eyes break from the stare to look down, catching on the glinting silver of his long necklace that lays against his naked tan chest, exposed due to his unbuttoned shirt that wrinkles beneath an unbuttoned vest. His vibe was very slutty pirate if she could name it and she actually loved it if he wasn’t looking at her with such intensity. 

“You’ve just seemed,” Her eyes return to his face, attempting to not back down, realizing Jake had just turned something on, a mechanism to further avoid her questioning. She decides to change her course of action. “Nevermind.”

Jake’s face turns satisfied, thinking he had successfully gotten her to leave him alone about what had been bothering him. 

The longest wine tasting option Josh could have picked commences with a Malbec coming up fifth. By the sixth wine, she was feeling slightly tipsy. Josh was grinning and telling a story that the boys were all a part of so she assumed it was only for her’s and Chloe’s benefits. His hands flew around him as he described a grand concert hall dinner they had attended previously and how they had met Elton John that night. She smiled and giggled when Josh mimicked Elton John’s British accent. 

“Jake, of course, is much better at doing a British accent than me,” Josh laughs. “I’ll concede to that. Will Mr. Reed be joining us at any point this afternoon?” He regards Jake for his question, who smiles back calmly and shakes his head negatively before draining his glass of Zinfindel. 

“No, I don’t think he will,” Jake’s regular voice sounds, “But I am going to go for a smoke, if that’s alright?” 

Josh nods, but approval wasn’t actually what Jake was looking for. He moves to stand, but before he can maneuver himself around Y/N, she stands as well. 

“You don’t mind if I join you?” She asks, innocently. “It’s a bad habit of mine, but if I’m not alone I don’t feel as guilty.” 

Josh smiles happily at his brother, seeing no reason for Jake to say no to her and being delighted at the prospect of the two of them getting to know each other a little better. 

Jake gestures for her to go ahead of him since it didn’t seem like he could refuse. 

They walk off together down a path that leads towards the vineyards. Everyone else rested with their wines, it gave them time to catch up, Danny and Josh were still only on the fourth wine and Sam was on the fifth. Only Y/N and Jake had been keeping the official pace, finishing their sixth before wandering off. The remaining group also decided to order some snacks to go along with the food. Chloe happily sipped at her Coke Zero. 

Jake fishes his pipe from the inside pocket of his vest and his box of tobacco, beginning to pack the pipe. She regards him beside her, expertly packing the bowl. 

She can’t help her yelp of laughter at the sight. His eyes flicker to her face that she tamps down into a tight lipped smile. “That’s so pretentious, I’m sorry.” 

He rolls his eyes and continues his process. “It’s all I’ve got. Don’t you know? Cigarettes kill.” 

She laughs genuinely at this while simultaneously slipping her crumpled pack of cigarettes from her coat pocket. “I think it’s all tobacco products, but whatever helps you sleep.” 

They pause to help shield each other’s smoking device of choice from the wind so that they can be lit. Surprisingly, Jake speaks first after the cigarette and pipe are burning. 

His hand toggles the pipe from his lips and allows the smoke to billow out from his mouth. It goes off in the opposite direction of her, thankfully. He had been careless, just allowing the smoke to seep from his lips, if the wind had blown the opposite direction it would have hit her directly in the face.

“Have you enjoyed your weekend?” He attempts to be casual as they continue down the path between the vines. 

She glances at him and how his eyes continue to survey the land, clearly not actually caring to hear what she has to say, but attempting to preoccupy her mouth with words that wouldn’t question his behavior again. 

 She hums in affirmation and blows the smoke from her lungs. 

“Jake,” She calls his name, hoping this will actually bring his eyes to her. It does. “Are you ever compelled to write?” 

Jake’s eyes flash wide in confusion, not fully understanding the question and confused as to where it came from. “Pardon?” 

She smiles to herself and then looks away from him to try and explain her question better. “I know you’re like the guitar guy and I honestly don’t know how much of the lyrics you write for the band, but beyond that, are you ever moved to write something down? Not like a to-do list or something like that, but to write down a story or a thought that bounces around your head until the only way to stop it is to write it down.” 

Jake immediately brightens. “Yes, often,” He breathes out. She had described something he experienced regularly but didn’t discuss with people because the few times he had broached the topic it had been shot down. He assumed most people didn’t feel that way. 

“I feel that constantly,” She continues and takes a drag of her cigarette. “Sometimes it’s exhausting right?” 

Jake nods when she looks to him for confirmation. 

“When I’m with Josh,” She pushes forward. “I don’t feel that compulsion. I feel peaceful. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to write things down, I want to remember every moment, every breath, every laugh with him, but it’s not so frantic. I know I’m younger than you guys and you might think I’m naive for entertaining the notion that Josh and I could continue whatever this is when we’re apart, but I’m okay with it being something when we’re together and then something else when we’re not. What I’m trying to say is, I would hate for you to be upset with me or your brother for something we’ve got under control. I was apprehensive to say ‘yes’ to Josh when I first met him, but now it feels so easy and it’s barely been three days.”  

Jake chuckles despite himself and her eyes flash to his face, disturbed that he would laugh when she had said something so serious. Had she completely misread his expressions and behavior today. 

“You’re incredibly astute for barely knowing me and my brother.”

“Is that actually a compliment or are you being facetious?” 

Jake laughs again with a little shake of his head before tipping his pipe over and blowing out the fulling smoked bowl of ash. “No, I mean it. I worry about him. Some people get misled by his charm and it ends up blowing up in his face at the end of the day because he’s so empathetic. He’ll beat himself up over a girl crying because he made all these big promises and grand gestures, all for it to end. He doesn’t do it maliciously, he’s just too intrinsically optimistic and loving. He’ll give a random girl an interview and then decide to introduce her to the rest of the band and sweep her off her feet, spend the entire weekend with her and make her fall in love. And I’m the one left to pick up the pieces when he feels terrible that he’s upset you, but since you already know what this is, I’m relieved.” 

She grimaces but attempts to keep it light. She hoped Jake had said this out of kindness, that he hadn’t intentionally just told her she wasn’t as special as she thought she was. That Josh did this all the time apparently and any promises he had made her were bound to be broken. She hoped that it wasn’t fully true either, that he hadn’t just reduced this weekend to another time he’d have to console his brother when she got upset that it was ending. Because in her eyes, it wasn’t ending, this was just a see you later. That’s what Josh had told her. Best possible outcomes only. 

“You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, Y/N. I think you’ve got good things coming to you in this life,” Jake bumps the elbow of her arm that wasn’t holding her cigarette butt that she didn’t want to drop in the dirt. “Thanks for talking to me, I feel much better.” 

“Yeah,” She replies, lost in her mind once more. “Course. I don’t like to see people upset.” 

They turn back and rejoin the group. Jake doesn’t notice her quieter state, now telling her his own story about traveling around California previously. She interjected when necessary, but otherwise her eyes wandered along the vines. The vibrant green was barren of any fruit, it dangled along the lines that had been placed to hold up the crop. The crop that would flower and fruit that would make the wine. Maybe following Jake down this path hadn’t been such a good idea. 

Josh beams at their return, not consciously noticing that Jake had been quiet before but certainly noting that he was brighter than before. Perhaps because he spent time with Josh’s new paramour which made him happy. He also didn’t seem to notice the lackluster quality that had overtaken said paramour upon her returning. He was good at seeing the happy things, at times to a fault. 

It also didn’t help that Y/N masked her displeasure with a sunny smile that mirrored Josh’s. 

After the winery, she does her best to continue the facade that had proved to be convincing for the last hour. However the wine was affecting her brain. She was tired and a bit sad. When she lags behind the group, Josh finally notices and slows to walk with her, letting the rest of the group wander ahead on the walk back to the car. It was a long winding road that they had walked down originally to get to the vineyard’s barn where the tastings took place. 

“How’re you feelin’, sunshine?” 

“Honestly?” She looks up at him, the sun shining on half of her face from the angle Josh looked at her. It bronzed her features as if she was ancient art and Josh truly regarded her as such. 

“A bit drunk,” She starts with a pout on her lips when he nods her on. He ‘aww’s at her and wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him. She huffs and presses her head against his warm chest, finding it comforting yet also aggravating that he didn’t know why she was upset. But how could he when she hadn’t told him and had been acting like everything was fine? “Are you sure you want to continue things when we’re apart?” 

“You know I am,” Josh stops, leaning back to look in her eyes. He sees the sadness clearly now in her watery eyes. “Did you get in your head again?” 

“No,” She shakes her head and laughs humorlessly. “I actually wasn’t until Jake and I went on our walk –” 

“What did he say?” Josh intervenes, suddenly worried. He shakes his head, already upset at his brother for making Y/N upset. 

“It’s fine, Josh,” She puts a hand on his chest. “I don’t want you to be upset with him because of this, he didn’t realize he said something callous. It just made me feel like maybe you didn’t actually care about me all that much.” 

“But I do, trust me,” He says her name, pleading for her to believe him as she blinks back a few more tears. 

“I want to Josh,” She nods, “It just sounded like this happens a lot and I don’t want you to be upset because I’m upset because Jake said that’s always what happens and just…fuck. I don’t know. I just wish I could believe you, but I’m scared and I want to be chill about it but I’m just not chill.” 

The tears come faster and Josh hugs her to his chest because he feels realization wash over him. She was scared. She was scared of what he could do to her because she cared that much. He held her close and tried to soothe her upset state. Thankfully no one had come back to look for them, likely realizing they needed some time alone. 

“You don’t need to believe me right now, that’s fine. I’ll prove it to you, though. That this isn’t like the other times, that I’m not leading you on. I’m sorry there’s nothing I can do right now that will show you that, that will grant you peace of mind. But I hope you know, these past few days have imprinted themselves in my mind. I care for you deeply.” 

“Thanks,” She sniffles and attempts to will away the tears, no longer wishing for them to come out of her eyes. She didn’t even feel like crying they were just happening to her because of what they were talking about.” 

He kisses the top of her head and she gives him a watery smile. When they reach the car, no one asks what took them so long or why it looked like Y/N had been crying. Chloe gives her a backward glance from the driver’s seat and Josh glares at Jake a little, but stops when Y/N places her hand on his thigh. 

That night is soft and Josh kisses Y/N a few times, they hold one another but neither of them offer to stay the night. Josh promises to see her again. She nods and kisses just to the right of his lips. 

“Thank you for everything, Josh. I hope you’re right.” 

-

Ooops sorry... PLS tell me what you think, inbox is open or feel free to comment

Part 2

[arvandus]

The Sound of Silence (18+ Aizawa x Fem!Reader)

Pairing: Aizawa x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: After once again being stood up for a date at your favorite jazz club, you decide to give up dating entirely in favor of watching and fantasizing about your favorite jazz musician, Aizawa Shouta.  You had assumed you’d never meet him face to face.  You had assumed that he didn’t even know you existed.  You’re about to learn that your assumptions are wrong.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY/NSFW; reader wears a sexy black dress (minimally described); minor sexual harassment; slow build; praise kink (if you squint); hand kink (probably); fingering; ‘baby’ petname.

Special Note:  A few days late, but here’s my contribution to the BNHarem January Collab ‘Making Beautiful Music’ posted by @kingexpl0sionmurder​​. It was supposed to be a oneshot, but this particular piece got a mind of its own and will at least have a sequel. If we’re all really lucky, it may become a multichapter series in the far and distant future, when my life is less crazy (I have ideas, ok??).  In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this fic!

Word Count: 9486

Recommended Song: No specific song at the moment, but this was what I listened to while writing this.

Lesson 1

It was crowded tonight, the air of the small club Midnight hot and heavy with the scent of cigar smoke and booze. The noise of conversations and laughing voices filled the air like the buzzing of a hive, as bodies mingled about like busy bees, each looking for their own bit of nectar.  Some looking to win romance.  Some looking to win money.  While others were simply winning by enjoying the company of friends.  Their movements were carried on the music that filled the space, upbeat jazz played by a three-person band.  It was comforting in its familiarity, developed over multiple visits – some with friends, some with coworkers, and some with potential love interests.

You sat at the bar, a drink held protectively in your hand as your eyes searched.  You checked your phone for messages but found none.  It’d been a full twenty minutes and you were pretty sure by this point that your date wasn’t going to show up.  It was supposed to be your first date in over a month, and you’d had high hopes for it - you’d clicked well with the person on your dating app (or so you thought), talking over the course of a couple of weeks before finally deciding to meet. So tonight, you’d put in a little extra effort into your appearance, donning a black dress that showed off your curves and putting careful attention into your makeup.

Damn. You were genuinely interested in this one.

You sent them a quick text in the hopes that you’d get a response.  Give them an extra ten minutes… You thought. Maybe they were caught in traffic or something.

But by the time you hit the 45-minute mark with no messages, you’d officially given up.  A half-hearted sigh fell past your painted lips. You weren’t really too surprised by this point.  You’d been having terrible luck in the dating scene for a while now.  Sometimes it was them.  Sometimes it was you.  But for whatever reason, each attempt ended in failure.

Oh well. It was likely for the best.  At least you would be able to enjoy the rest of your evening in solitude instead of enduring a potentially disastrous date.  And as for your attire, it certainly didn’t hurt to feel sexy, even if you had no one to share it with.

You loved this place. The atmosphere, the music… you’d even managed to make friends with the bartender Hizashi to the point that he’d walk you to your car on the nights that you stayed until closing.

Your eyes scanned around the room, observing.  Wooden tables littered the main floor, where small lit candles cast yellow light on observing faces, eyes trained on the musicians.  Booths lined along the far wall, filled mostly with men who puffed cigars over a game of cards, their raucous laughter carrying through the din.  Closer to the bar was an arrangement of tall, round tables with matching bar height chairs. A group of women, likely on a ladies’ night out, filled the table closest to you, taking shots and laughing, their heels perched on the rungs.  Waiters zigzagged their way through the crowd with expert precision, platters held high with drinks and snacks, while patrons milled about, waiting for an open table.

And, of course, there was the stage itself, where the jazz band finished their final piece before collecting their instruments and leaving the small stage.  All that was left from their departure was a black baby grand piano, property of the club.  Your pulse quickened as you checked your watch.  Was it that time already?

Not a moment later, there he was.  Long, black, wavy hair pulled back into a half ponytail, the hint of a 5 o’ clock shadow dusting his jawline and framing his lips.  He was dressed in simple clothes, as always… a black v-neck shirt with the sleeves pushed halfway up his forearms and dark jeans.  He entered the stage without so much a glance towards the busy room, instead making his way to the piano with his hands in his pockets. He sat down and from your position at the bar, you could barely see his long fingers arrange themselves at the keys, gently curled.

As soon as he began to play, the mood in the club shifted slightly from buzzing to relaxing.  The flow of his fingers across the keys drew a lazy melody reminiscent of rainy days and hot coffee; of snuggling under warm blankets, feet intertwined with a lover who danced their fingers across your skin, gently tickling your flesh the way his fingers tickled those keys.

Aizawa Shouta.

Of course you knew his name. The first time you’d heard him play, you’d felt weightless, your body going numb as every sensation coalesced into your chest like the forming of a star.  The question of his identity had fallen from your lips before you’d even realized it, and it had been Hizashi who’d answered you, a chuckle on his lips.

Fuck.  It felt like he was making love to you through the notes, each key meticulously selected like a carefully-worded love letter. It made your palms sweat against your glass, your breath hitching in your throat as that familiar sensation took you over, holding you hostage.

This.  This was probably why none of the people you dated ever seemed to work out.  You’d tried… God, you’d tried… some of them were nice, good people.  But you couldn’t help but search for that feeling – this feeling – each time you met someone new.  And every single time it fell short. It was an impossible standard, an invisible bar that no one was able to jump.  Deep down you knew this, yet you couldn’t figure out how to let it go. It was just music, right? Played by a handsome man who didn’t even know you existed.  But you didn’t want to let go of this feeling, to settle for someone that made you feel only an inkling of what he made you feel.  Or worse, to let it go and be left with emptiness.

You had no solutions. You were trapped in Aizawa’s maze of music, unwilling to find your way out as his notes weaved a cage around your heart.

You lost yourself to his melody, the club around you fading away.  Time lost its meaning as you watched his hands dance along the keys, his fingers nimble.  His half-lidded eyes were fixed on the instrument before him, his expression neutral.  To anyone else watching, he would look almost bored; but you’d seen him play often enough that you’d grown accustomed to reading the nuances of his body language, even across the smoky haze.  You knew his look of boredom was really a look of focus as he submerged himself in his art, his hands playing on instinct, a direct link between what he felt and what he expressed.

He loved what he did.

And you loved watching.

Hizashi’s voice interrupted your hypnosis.  “Another night solo, huh?”

You took a look at the bartender as he prepped some cocktails for some waiting patrons.  He had his wire-framed spectacles on again, the orange tinted ones, the color visible from the white backlight of the bar. His long blonde hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, and he wore a pinstriped shirt adorned with a black waistcoat.

You chuckled and took a sip of your drink. “It wasn’t supposed to be.”

“You got stood up again?” You shrugged and Hizashi shook his head slightly.  “If they ain’t willing to show up, then they ain’t worth your time.”

“Probably more like the other way around, don’t ya think?” you replied wryly.

Hizashi scoffed. “Don’t let them get to you. They don’t know what they’re missing.”

You grinned and set your glass down.  “Are you flirting with me, Hizashi?”

He grinned back and winked at you through his spectacles.  “Always, darlin’.”

You chuckled and returned your eyes to the stage. “It’s okay…” you said thoughtfully. “Maybe it’s time I stopped trying.”

“Mhm…” Hizashi watched you stare at Aizawa and he raised an eyebrow.  “Y’know, I can get you an introduction if you’d like…”

“What??”

“Don’t play coy with me, darlin’.  You know who I’m talking about.  If you want to meet him, I can introduce you to him. We’re good friends, he and I. Known each other for years.” He commented.

You weren’t surprised by this news… you’d seen Aizawa join Hizashi at the bar on rare occasions after his performance was done.  But you’d always been occupied at a table with company when it happened. 

Watching him from a distance was one thing.  But actually meeting him?  Up close? Where you couldn’t hide your girlish infatuation?

You felt your pulse quicken with dread, heat flooding your body.  “No, it’s okay.  I wouldn’t want to inconvenience him.”

Hizashi gave you a skeptical look over the rim of his glasses before he shrugged. “Suit yourself, darlin’.”

The blonde stepped away, a new group of customers hollering for his attention.  You took a large gulp of your drink hoping it would quell your nerves at the thought of meeting the man on stage.  No. You definitely didn’t want to meet him.  The last thing you needed was for your interaction with him to be a dud just like it was with all the others, destroying your own secret little fantasy. He was handsome to look at.  And you fantasized about his skilled hands when you were in the quiet of your bedroom. But that was all it was; just harmless daydreams over someone you didn’t really know or plan to get to know. Besides, if you’d ever thought you had a chance with him, you certainly wouldn’t be trying to meet people through a dating app.

Gradually the time ticked by as you enjoyed watching the dark-haired man play, Hizashi stopping in to check on you from time to time and place fresh drinks in front of you.  You were content for the time being, enjoying the steady buzz you were maintaining as you enjoyed the ambiance.  Occasionally you people watched or engaged in conversation with Hizashi when he wasn’t busy… but for the most part, you relaxed as you observed the raven-haired pianist, letting his music ease the tension in your shoulders as the alcohol warmed your bones.

A few hours later, as you were busy talking with Hizashi, the final note on the piano rang out, signaling the end of Aizawa’s shift.  The sudden silence hit you like a bucket of ice water, and your eyes darted towards the stage, your heart pumping panic through your veins.  You had planned to leave just before his shift ended, just to make sure you didn’t run into him.  Maybe it was the daydreaming, or the conversations with Hizashi, or the alcohol... but you’d lost track of time.  Now you could only watch and wait to see where he’d end up, hoping beyond hope that he’d disappear like he usually did.  Only rarely did he linger for a drink.  What were the odds, right?

Tonight was one of those rarities, and you held your breath, your posture going rigid, as he sat himself a mere two seats away from you.  He never once looked at you, instead, addressing Hizashi.

“Old Fashioned.” He requested, his voice deep.  It sent a shiver down your spine as the blood in your veins turned molten.  You knew instantly that that sound was now committed to memory.

“Do you even need to ask?” Hizashi replied with a grin as he slid the drink to him.

You disciplined your eyes to stare at your own drink as if it’d open up a portal for you to escape through. But as much as you struggled to control yourself, the simple gesture of Aizawa reaching for his drink made you break eye contact with your own. Your eyes caught how his fingers circled around his glass, long and surprisingly manicured.  You couldn’t help but watch as he brought the drink up to his lips to take a sip, and from there your gaze followed the curve of his mouth, the stubble that framed it, his jawline, his eyes…

Your eyes made contact with his briefly and you quickly looked back down at your drink, your heart pounding in your chest.

Shit.  He caught you staring.

You took a couple of deep swigs, forcing the alcohol down your tight throat, letting the burn of it act as a punishment for your violation. This. This was why you didn’t want to meet him.  No words had even been shared yet and you were already making a fool of yourself.

“Long night?” Hizashi asked him.  In the background, the next performer entered the stage and began to play, and you couldn’t help but strain your ears over the music to listen for Aizawa’s answer.

“I’ve had worse…” Aizawa replied.  “You?”

“Busy, but I’m in good company at least.” Hizashi replied.  Your heart pounded in your chest as your fingers tightened around your glass.  Your eyes darted up to lock with the bartender’s and you caught him smirking at you, his small, pointed mustache following the curve of his upper lip. 

He wouldn’t…

Suddenly another customer called for him from the other end of the bar.  “Duty calls, friend.  Be back in a sec.”

And just like that, you were left alone with him.  Aizawa. Your mind froze as it warred with itself between actually talking with him or grabbing your things and running away. Surely Hizashi would understand, right? And you could always pay back your tab later.   You took another deep gulp of alcohol in the hopes that it’d burn away some of your cowardice. 

Before you could so much as open your mouth, the unwelcome sensation of an unfamiliar hand on the curve of your back made your body go rigid, every muscle poised to fight.  A second later, the scent of hot breath laced in the stench of alcohol choked the air around you as an unfamiliar man slid into the open seat between you and the object of your affection.

“Hey there beautiful…” he slurred.  “You’ve been by yourself all night… you in need of some company?”

You covered your hand over your glass and shifted away from him slightly, your demeanor cold.  “No.”

“Aw, c’mon doll… don’t be like that…” he grinned.  “You don’t come here dressed like that for no good reason…”

The man’s hand was still on your back, its presence making your skin crawl.  It made the fog of your buzz lifting slightly, your senses suddenly heightened in the presence of a potential threat.  Your eyes searched frantically for Hizashi.  He had a way of handling drunken idiots.  But he was stuck at the other end of the bar still, a drunk woman trying desperately hard to flirt with him. 

You were on your own, and this creep clearly wasn’t taking no for an answer. Your brain started to fabricate worst-case scenarios and planning for them, a million options running through your mind.  Screaming. Throwing your drink in his face.  A well-placed kick to his shin.  Your pepper spray.

Your free hand slipped into your purse, fingers closing around you’re the plastic cylinder.  The feel of it gave you a sense of security, even if it might be a last resort.  You didn’t really want to use it, especially with Aizawa sitting behind him… you never had to use it before, and you couldn’t guarantee your accuracy, especially in such a tight space.

You watched from the corner of your eye as the man’s free hand reached forward to grasp your own that covered your drink, and your grip around the cylinder tightened, a warning beginning to fall from your lips.  But your words were cut short as the man’s hand was suddenly grabbed by familiar, long fingers and bent back at an uncomfortable angle that made the drunk cry out.

“Hey! What the hell?!” the man demanded.

Aizawa took a casual sip of his drink with his free hand while maintaining his grip on the offender, before pinning him with a dangerous glare.  “She said no.”

The man’s hand left your back as he struggled to free himself from Aizawa’s grip. “Let go!”

“First you will apologize to her.” Aizawa ordered.

The man sputtered.  “For what?!”

You watched in shock as Aizawa’s eyes narrowed.  His thumb positioned itself on a digit and began pushing it slowly backward.

“For touching her without permission.  For insinuating that her attire makes it acceptable for you to ignore her boundaries. For being a disgusting pig.”

With each statement, he pushed the finger back farther and farther, until the man was buckling to his knees under the pressure in an attempt to alleviate the pain and prevent the digit from breaking.

“Ow ow ow! Okay!  I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” The man begged.

Aizawa held him for a moment longer before finally releasing him. “Good.  Now get out.”

The man scurried away until he was out of reach before turning around to glare daggers at him.  “Hey, fuck you man!”  He shouted.  But for all of his drunken bravado, he stormed out of the club clutching his sore hand to his chest, as heads turned to watch him leave.

The hum of voices within the club fell silent for a moment, with only the band continuing their music. After the front door closed, the noise of people chattering slowly returned, countless sets of eyes turning back to their tables.  Aizawa turned his gaze back to you, the lethal look gone from his dark eyes.

“You okay?”

You nodded mutely, swallowing the dryness in your throat as your sweaty hand released the pepper spray in your purse.  Sensations warred within you, momentarily leaving you a confused mess.  The speed at which he came to your defense and his willingness to resort to violence on your behalf fueled a carnal need you didn’t even realize you had.  But even as hot arousal pooled deep in your gut, your heart still raced from the threat that had been quickly neutralized.

His eyes caught the movement of something over your shoulder and he cursed. “Shit.”

“SHOuTA!” Scolded a feminine voice.

He turned back to his drink, hunching his shoulders. “I told her not to call me that in public.” Aizawa muttered under his breath.

You spun on your stool to see the owner of the bar, Nemuri Kayama approaching, clad in a deep purple business suit with a dangerously low-cut black blouse. She was next to you in a matter of seconds, a cloud of strong perfume enveloping you as she snatched Aizawa’s drink from his hand as he began to raise it to his lips.

“What the hell was that?!” She demanded.  “What makes you think you can attack my customers like that?”

“Your customer was harassing this customer.” Aizawa pointed out.

Nemuri looked at you with her lavender eyes as if seeing you for this first time and paused in her verbal assault.

“Is this true?” She asked you.

She had a presence about her that instantly made you find your voice again.

“He was being handsy and wasn’t taking no for an answer.” You confirmed.

“Can I have my drink back now?” Aizawa asked.

She stared back and forth between the two of you for a moment before slamming the glass down in front of him, half of the contents spilling over the side. “Ugh. Fine.  But next time ask for one of my bouncers.  Or Hizashi.  Or me. Anyone but you.”

Aizawa’s mouth curled with a sly grin as he wiped at the spill with a napkin.  “And why is that?”

“Because you scare away customers.” She growled.

Aizawa stared into his drink, swirling its remaining contents.  “Well maybe you need better customers.” He took a sip.

“I’ll take whoever is willing to pay.  Unfortunately for you, this club doesn’t survive off of chivalry.”  She crossed her arms.  “Besides… it’s less about losing that drunken idiot and more about losing those who saw you almost break his hand.”

“I wasn’t going to break his hand.  I was going to break his finger.” Aizawa said.

You stifled a chuckle with a bite of your lip.

Nemuri rubbed the bridge of her nose in frustration.  “Don’t try to make it sound like that makes it any better.  And you!” She pointed at Hizashi, who had conveniently shown up not a minute before.  “You know better than to leave him alone like this!”

“I can either be a bartender or a babysitter, love.  I can’t do both.” Hizashi replied as he polished a glass.

 Nemuri grumbled under her breath before turning her gaze back to you. “I apologize for Aizawa’s violent behavior.” “Oh I didn’t mind…” you confessed with a small smile, and you could feel Aizawa’s eyes flicker to you briefly.

 “And I apologize for the inappropriate customer. Alcohol is no excuse for harassment.  I guarantee he won’t be returning to this club any time soon.” She looked at Hizashi.  “Get her a fresh drink.”  

 “Already on it…” He replied, sliding a new glass to you and removing your old one.

 She looked back at you. “And your drinks are on the house tonight.”

 “Thank you.” You replied.

 Nemuri gave a satisfied nod. “Now I need to go schmooze the rest of our frightened patrons, which is exactly how I didn’t want to spend my evening.” With a final glare at the two men, she stormed off, her pointed heels clicking on the hard floor.

 You stared at your new drink for a moment, the desire for it lost now.  “Hizashi, can I have a glass of water?”

 “Sure thing, darlin’.” Hizashi replied and placed a chilled glass in front of you.

You thanked him and took a sip followed by a long, deep breath.  Aizawa moved into the now-vacant seat next to you, and you welcomed the closeness. The gesture felt protective, a warning to anyone else who was dumb enough to try their luck with you after that display.  Noticing the closer proximity between the two of you, Hizashi quickly made himself scarce again.

“Thank you…” you said to Aizawa as your finger traced patterns into the condensation on the glass.

“It was nothing…” he replied.  There was a long silence before he spoke again.  “I hope I didn’t scare you.”

You looked at him with surprise then.  Scared? No. Aroused? Definitely.  The dampness of your panties were evidence enough of that, but he certainly didn’t need to know that.

“Not at all.” You confessed. “I actually really appreciate it.”

Aizawa’s shoulders relaxed slightly, as if a weight had been lifted.

“Where’d you learn to do that?” you asked.  “You were so fast…”

Aizawa gave a small grin. “Piano isn’t the only thing I’m good at…”

You had no difficulty believing that…

“Were you a bouncer or something at one point?” you asked curiously.

Aizawa chuckled. “Yeah, something like that…” he took a swig of his drink, the ice in it clinking.  The amber colored liquid was nearly gone now.

His response only gave you more questions, but you forced them down. There was a fine line between being curious and nosey, and you were too worried of crossing it, thus ending your conversation with him.

“You’re a regular here.” He commented.  

It wasn’t a question – it was a statement. He recognized you. You averted your eyes away in embarrassment, feeling suddenly exposed, your anonymity blown.  How long had he noticed you’d been coming here?  Did he know how closely you watched him?

“Yeah.” You confessed, as you took another sip of water. The alcohol next to it was calling to you, promising to ease your anxiety, but you refrained for the moment.  You wanted to keep your wits about you while you talked to him.

“No company tonight?” he asked.

Oh.  He watched you more closely than you ever realized. You weren’t sure whether you were feeling embarrassed or aroused.  Was it possible to feel both?

“Not this time.  I got stood up.” You replied.

“Sounds like you dodged a bullet there.” He said, looking into his empty glass.

You gave a dry laugh. “True.  I’ve dodged lots of bullets lately.”

Aizawa chuckled. “I believe it…”

Contrary to his outward aloof demeanor, he was nice.  You could feel the tension in your body start to dissipate as words came easier.

“If you ever think you want to try a dating app, don’t.” you commented. “It makes for good stories, but sometimes it really makes you want to give up on humanity.”

That earned an honest laugh as he looked at you with a grin.  “Well now you’ve piqued my curiosity.”

You couldn’t help but smile back.  This actually wasn’t so bad…

With amusement, you began to recount some of your more outlandish dating disasters with him, letting him in on the world of online dating from a woman’s perspective.  Aizawa listened with quiet interest, making the occasional wry joke or, for the more serious cases, wearing a deep frown of disapproval.  He was a good listener, and the conversation flowed easier than you had expected, words falling from your mouth without a second thought.  It felt natural.  Comfortable. And for the first time in a while, you felt like yourself.  After you ran out of stories, Aizawa offered a couple of his own, and you found yourself laughing at his own tales of dating woes. As Aizawa talked, Hizashi stopped by to quietly replace his empty drink before disappearing again, a pleased smile on his face.  His brief presence reminded you of your own glass pooling condensation on the paper coaster beneath it, and you returned to sipping its contents, once again finding the buzz you had been enjoying as you listened to Aizawa.

The time passed by as the two of you talked about the stress of dating and relationships. You’d learned that Aizawa rarely dated, but would occasionally have to endure awkward matchups thanks to Hizashi and Nemuri.  You learned how much of a private person he was, how he generally avoided dating culture entirely in favor of letting life play out on its own.  Everything about him exuded a man of experience and maturity, a man comfortable in his own skin and content with his life.  You couldn’t help but admire him as you soaked in every little detail that you’d wanted to know, committing every little bit of information he offered up to memory.  He was everything you’d imagined; kind, respectful, and serious with a sly sense of humor that he only shared once he was feeling comfortable.

Once the topic was exhausted, you sighed.  “I think I’m done with dating.” You confessed.  “I’ll just resign myself to my singlehood.”

Aizawa pinned you with a pensive look.  “Is that what you want?”

Something about the tone of his voice made your pulse race with excitement.

“Well… It’s better than being repeatedly disappointed.” You gave him a side glance as you took sip of your drink.  “But if the right guy comes along, I wouldn’t say no…”

“Hm… the right guy…” Aizawa muttered as he returned his gaze to his glass.

Your statement was a bold one, filled with invitation.  You hadn’t exactly planned for it to come out that way, but it was too late to take those words back now.  You quickly tried to turn the topic back to him.  “How about you?  Any special someone for you?”

He chuckled. “No.  No special someone.  Not yet, at least.”

The words fell from his mouth like breadcrumbs leading to a secret as he eyed you over the rim of his glass. You felt lightheaded and warm, the tips of your fingers buzzing with numbness. Maybe it was the half-finished drink in your hand.  Or maybe it was the look in Aizawa’s eyes that made you feel drunk, the Earth spinning under your feet as you mentally struggled to find some sort of purchase to keep from falling.  

Was he…?

Hope held you captive and you suddenly became acutely aware of how close you were to him.  Your eyes traced the scruff on his jawline, the stitching of his shirt, the slope of his neck as his Adam’s apple bobbed with a swallow. A stray strand of hair had come loose from his half-ponytail and was hanging over his forehead, begging to be touched. Your fingers twitched.  If you reached out to tuck it back into place, would he let you?

You couldn’t muster the courage and averted your eyes. You were filled with alcohol and infatuation, you reasoned.  Your defenses were down, your judgment potentially impaired… what if you were reading into something that wasn’t there?  What if you were wrong?  

You watched Hizashi close out a tab for an older couple as you took a sip of your water.

Warmth pressed against your forearm and looked down to see Aizawa’s arm resting against yours. All of your attention honed in on the softness of his shirtsleeve and the warmth of his skin as his hand fiddled with a paper coaster, flipping it over and over with each tap on the counter.  The contact was intentional, calculated in its subtle intimacy.  It was a silent question… a tentative invitation, absent of assumptions or expectations.  Your doubt evaporated like mist and you understood.  

He was interested.  In you.

Your heart did a somersault in your chest as you sat there, stunned.  Time froze as everything that’d transpired throughout the evening flitted through your mind.  It was a perfect amalgamation of circumstances, leading to this single moment, giving you the one thing you wanted most.  You held your breath as you stood on the precipice, uncertain if your next step would make you fall or let you fly.  

You stared at the contact and carefully… slowly… brushed your pinky along the back of his hand. It traced the vein that stood out there, following it to the knuckle. His own hand let go of the coaster his was holding, his own pinky linking with yours in affirmation.

You couldn’t help the elated smile that spread across your face in that moment and when you looked up at him with a shy glance, he had a smile of his own, small and secretive as he stared at your linked fingers.  Slowly the rest of his fingers followed, twining themselves into yours until he held your hand, his thumb brushing sensually against your skin.  That single action alone was enough to reignite the fire in your loins, your blood racing through your veins from the epicenter of his touch.

Hizashi’s voice crashed through your private, titillating moment.  “We’re closing up, lovebirds…”

Your hand pulled away from Aizawa’s on instinct as you looked around the now empty club.  Only staff remained, finalizing the last bit of cleanup and arranging the furniture for the next day.  How had it gotten so late so fast?

“You want me to walk you to your car?” Hizashi asked, a knowing grin on his face.

In all that had happened that evening, you’d forgotten about that little arrangement.  But you weren’t ready to leave just yet…

Aizawa’s voice answered before yours could.  “Leave me the keys to the place.  I’ll walk her tonight and lock up when we leave.”

“Suit yourself.” Hizashi replied with a shrug.  He placed a set of keys on the counter.  “Don’t tell Nemuri, though.  She’ll kill me.”

“Your secret’s safe with me, friend.” Aizawa replied.

With that, Hizashi gave a small salute, grabbed his coat, and left.  You watched, your heart pounding as the door closed behind him, leaving a deafening silence in its wake.

You were alone with Aizawa. Completely and utterly alone.

Your turned back to face him and froze.  Aizawa still sat on his stool, but he faced you now with an elbow propped against the counter, and that simple distinction made his presence fill your space.  He stared at you, the look in his eyes unfettered now, deep and hungry. “You really do look beautiful tonight.” He complimented.

With the way the words fell from his mouth and curled warmly into your chest like a cat, you believed him. You felt beautiful.

“Thank you.” You said with a soft smile.  “You look handsome yourself, Aizawa.”

He took your hand again and slowly began to lean forward, closing the small distance between you.  “Call me Shouta.”

You swallowed. “Shouta.” You whispered, feeling the name on your lips.

His dark pupils dilated and you felt his other hand on your jawline, warm, long fingers wrapping towards the back of your neck to pull you into a kiss.

His lips were warm and soft as his stubble tickled your skin, and you leaned into it fervently, your hands finding their home on his chest. You could feel his toned muscles beneath the black cotton and a purr found its way to the back of your throat. Shouta took it as an invitation, coming off of his barstool to stand between your now parted legs, his arm wrapping itself around your waist as his tongue slid along your lips.  You opened your mouth eagerly to taste the bourbon there, to feel the wet muscle dance and slide against your own.  Every touch, every taste, every smell enveloped you further and further in the essence that was Shouta until your entire body was singing, teetering on the edge.

Oh God… you were not going to let yourself cum just by kissing him.

You pulled out of the kiss slightly as your hands pressed gently against his chest, and he retreated from you just enough for his eyes to search your face, a silent question in them.

“I-I’m sorry, I just…” your words fell pitifully from your flushed, wet mouth, your voice shaky with pent-up arousal.

One second longer. One second longer is all it would have taken…

Shouta’s hand on your back began to rub soft, slow circles. “Would you like some water?” he asked, a small smile on his lips.

You nodded, and he kissed your forehead before handing you your glass.  You drank greedily before handing it back to him, half-empty.

“Have you ever been kissed like that?” he asked curiously, as he placed the glass back down onto the counter.

You gave a small laugh and shook your head.  “No… not like that.”

Your confession left you feeling embarrassed, even as your chest felt it would burst from this latest turn of events.

You kissed Aizawa Shouta.

Actually, he kissed you.

You needed a moment to collect yourself, to process everything you were feeling.

So, you completely changed the subject.

“How long have you been playing piano?” you asked.

Shouta didn’t miss a beat, returning to sit on his stool to give you the space you silently needed. But his hand still held yours, resting on the counter as his fingers twined with yours. It gave you a sense of reassurance, that everything was okay, despite your awkward hesitation.

“My grandpa had one when I was a kid.  Used to mess around on it.” He explained.  “He finally got me lessons from a guy he knew, and I’ve loved it ever since.”

You smiled as you watched his thumb trace across each of your fingernails.  You returned the gesture, tracing the details of his own hand. It was like living a dream, to see them up close and feel them, every fingernail, every vein, even the pads of his fingertips. The number of times you’d fantasized about these hands…

“I always wanted to learn how to play, but my family could never afford lessons.” You confessed. “But my mom used to have all of these old jazz albums, and I used to sit in my room and listen to them for hours.”

“I can teach you.”

Your fingers stopped their tracing.  “What?”

“I can teach you.” He repeated.

You shook your head.  “Um, no it’s okay… I’d probably be a terrible student anyway.”

“A student can only be as bad as the person teaching them.  Follow me.”

Before you could protest further, Shouta’s hand closed around yours and pulled you from your seat.  He led you up the steps of the stage and across it until you reached the black piano sitting forlornly in the empty space.

It felt strange being up on the stage, especially with the club being completely empty.  The stage light was bright and warm on your shoulders, and the silence sounded different there, affected by the difference in acoustics.

Shouta sat at one end of the black bench and pulled you down by your hand until you were sitting next to him.  The bench was small, meant for only one person, so you had to press yourself against him to be able to sit without feeling like you were going to fall off. Even then, it wasn’t the most comfortable arrangement, but you endured, if only to be close to him.

He released your hand and began his instruction.

“First thing you should know is how to find middle C.  Everything else will center around this.”  He pressed the white key with the thumb of his right hand, the note singing out into the empty space.  “Then, it’s D, E, F, G, A, B, which brings you back to C. That creates an octave, also known as a scale.” He played each note as he spoke.

“What about the black keys?” you asked curiously.

“Those are the half notes. Don’t worry about those right now.” He arranged his hand back how he initially had it, his thumb on the middle C key.

“Now,” he continued, “First, you must learn how to move your fingers along the keys.  Like this.”  Shouta demonstrated the motion again, his fingers playing each note slowly in a steady rhythm.  “The switch of the fingers is important. It will help you flow quickly and easily without having to watch where your hands are, which will be important for reading sheet music.”  He repeated the motion again, the sounds once again ringing out.  Then, he removed his hand.  “Your turn.”

You bit your lip and placed your hand how you’d seen his arranged and tried.  The notes were clumsy, lacking in rhythm and falling together as you forgot in your nervous haze where the switch of the fingers happened. Embarrassment flooded you and you withdrew your hand.

“Don’t expect to get it right on the first try.” He reassured.  “Let’s try it again.  Try to keep your fingers loose, curved like a bowl.”

Shouta modeled it again. You watched, but your focus was muddled with anxiety, attraction, and likely alcohol.  It was a poor recipe for learning, but you knew he was trying to make you feel comfortable, and you didn’t want to turn down his kindness.  You arranged your hand back on the keys again and tried again, with little improvement.

“I’m sorry, I…” you stuttered as you clutched your hand in your lap protectively.

His hand covered yours and you looked up at him to see him staring at you with warm patience.  “It’s okay.  If you don’t want to do this, we can stop.”

You stared at him, mouth slightly open as you thought about it.  You knew he wouldn’t hold it against you if you wanted to quit.  And sure, you felt silly being so poor at it when sitting next to someone who’s skills you idolized.

But did you really want to stop?  How often would you get an opportunity like this?

“No, it’s okay.  Keep going, I want to learn.” You replied.

Shouta watched you for a moment longer before he placed his hand back on the keys.  “Place your hand over mine.”

You followed his instructions, your hand looking small compared to his.  His skin was warm, and it calmed the shaking in your fingers.

“Watch where the fingers land.  Feel how they move.” He played the notes, and you could feel the tendons of his hand tense and shift, his fingers rising and falling like a wave.

“It’s like they’re dancing.” You said.  “You switch to your thumb on this key… E?”

“Yes.” Shouta replied in approval.  “Your turn.”

This time you focused, remembering the feel of how his hand had moved under yours as you played the keys, switching your fingers at the right time.  The improvement was noticeable.

He smiled.  “Good.  Now, for the other hand.  You’ll start one octave lower.  Can you find it?”

Your arm crossed Aizawa’s chest to press the white key, letting the sound ring out.

“Perfect.  Only this time, your pinky will sit on this key, with the others following after.”

You placed your fingers across the white keys.  “Like this?”

Shouta nodded.  “Now you’ll try the same progression with your left hand.  The middle finger will follow after the thumb plays the G note.”

You removed your hand so he could place his own and demonstrate it for you.  You followed after him, imitating his actions, but this time your attempt was worse than your first, your hand angled awkwardly due to limited space as you pressed yourself against him.

“That was terrible.” You laughed. “I can’t reach very easily.”

A small mischievous smile formed on Shouta’s lips and he slipped his hand around your waist.

“Come here.” He said.

You didn’t fight him as he pulled you into his lap.  His right hand settled itself against your stomach as his legs parted slightly to make room for yours, your knees drawn together between his.  The heat of his touch seeped through the fabric of your dress, weaving a tight knot of desire deep in your core that made your body go rigid as you tried to keep yourself from melting against him.

“Is this okay?” He asked, leaning slightly to see your face from his position behind you.

You licked your lips and swallowed, giving a nod.  “Y-Yes…” you answered shakily.  “Are you okay…? I’m not too heavy?”

Shouta gave a soft laugh. “No.  Not at all.” His breath was hot against your skin and you could feel the scratch of his stubble as he spoke, sending goosebumps over your body. “Let’s continue.”

He placed his left hand on the keys again with ease, regardless of how poor his view of the piano was with you in front of him.  He knew this instrument like the back of his hand; could probably play it with his eyes closed and never miss a note.

He played the simple notes again, C through B, fingers tip-toeing across the keys as he said their names out loud, helping you to remember them.  You watched carefully for where the shift in finger arrangement happened, the middle finger following after the thumb just as he’d described.

“You try.” He instructed, his right arm still wrapped around your waist, holding you close against him. You could feel the warmth of his chest against your back now, feel the strength of his body beneath you.

You loved this.  The lap-sitting, the lesson, the praise. Each time Shouta praised your improvements it sent a thrill through you from your head down to your toes.  To be complimented by him, even for something as simple as pressing a few keys… it only made you want to please him more.

You played the progression of notes with renewed motivation, once again showing improvement from your first attempt.

“Good.”

Your spine straightened against him slightly.  The thumb of his hand caressed your abdomen where he held you.

“Now you need to learn to do the same but in reverse, until you’re back where your fingers started.”

You moved your hand away to let him demonstrate and his right hand left your stomach, leaving an ache in its wake.  You watched both of his hands play the simple notes up and down, working together with ease. But you knew it was all a ruse… he made it look easy, but if you tried to do the same, you’d fumble clumsily.

“I don’t know about this…” you chuckled.

“It takes practice,” he replied, “until it becomes muscle memory.”

Shouta demonstrated it again, up and down.  And again.

You placed your hands over his, wanting to feel the touch of his hands under yours more than the actual pressing of the keys.  All you wanted was his arm around your waist again, his hand on your lower abdomen.  His touch was tantalizing, and you wanted more of it.  

He completed the simple scale progression two more times with your hands on top of his.

“Do you want to try?” he offered.

His hands left the keys to hold you again, his arms wrapped more tightly around you this time. You leaned against him, reveling in being held in his arms.

“I’m going to mess up.” You warned.

“Just take it slow.”

You shook your head a little and let out a small breath, shifting your position in his lap slightly as you leaned forward to focus on the keys.  His arms loosened around you, his hands shifting to your thighs.

It was likely an innocent action, intended to give you the freedom to move as you made yourself comfortable.  But as soon as the tips of his fingers touched the bare skin below the hem of your dress, that sharp zap of arousal tingled the ends of your nerves, causing you to suck in air and part your knees slightly, your walls throbbing in hopeful anticipation.

It wasn’t intentional. Your body just… reacted.  But Shouta noticed instantly.

There was silence at first, his hands still on your thighs, waiting.  Finally, he spoke.  “Y/N….” his voice was huskier now.  “How long has it been since you’ve been cared for?”

Embarrassment flooded through you.  Embarrassment at your sensitivity to his touch, embarrassment at the answer to his question... You hesitated a moment before words fell clumsily from your mouth. “I, um… a long time.”

A low hum rumbled from Shouta’s chest as his fingers brushing gently along the inside of your thighs until they dipped just beneath the black fabric. The action was experimental, a testing of the waters, and it brought immediate results.  Your thighs widened the slightest bit more as you failed to fight back a whimper, your hands grasping his arms in need.  Not a moment later you could feel the growing firmness of his cock begin to press against your backside, despite the restriction of Shouta’s jeans. Shouta’s hands halted again their movement, waiting. He was miraculously under control despite his obvious arousal, and you envied him.

“Do you want me to touch you?” he asked, his voice low.

Of course you did.  It was obvious you did.  Why else would your legs be parting like the red sea as if he were Moses?

But for some reason, your body language wasn’t enough for him.  He needed to hear it.  A sense of urgency filled you, desperate need driving you.  At this point, you’d give him whatever he wanted…

“Yes.” you begged. “Please, Shouta... Please touch me.” You leaned back against him, allowing the angle of your hips to tilt as your hands guided him further beneath the skirt of your dress.

With you draped onto him, your head tilted back, Shouta kissed the curve of your neck as his hands gently gripped the insides of your knees, pulling your legs apart until they were draped over his own.  You were open for him now, your skirt hiked halfway up by the spread of your legs.  

Your heart pounded in your chest with so much excitement that you could feel your own pulse in your neck and between your legs.  This was happening… This was really happening… How many times had you fantasized about this very thing?  How many times had you longed for this man, whispered his name on your tongue only to be met by the empty silence?  And now here he was, freeing you from the shackles of your loneliness in the best way possible.

Shouta’s hands pushed the fabric up the rest of the way until it was pooled around your hips, exposing your panties.  The thin cotton fabric did little to protect your aching cunt from the cold air, and you sucked air through your teeth at the sensation.  His fingers traced invisible lines up the inside of your thighs, leaving nothing but singing nerves in their wake that cascaded into a shiver that rolled over your flesh, leaving goosebumps.  Your body was already moving of its own volition, hips rolling, eager for Shouta’s fingers yet simultaneously attempting to grind down onto his restrained cock.  Your breaths were already coming in hot and ragged, every inch of you frantic for the release that it had been denied all evening.

Shouta gave a low growl, his left hand holding down your hip, halting your movements.  “You better stop that…” he warned.  

No doubt your girating was making things difficult for him on his end.  But you didn’t care.  You were an unfettered, horny mess now.

A whine escaped your lips at his restriction.  In response, Shouta’s left hand trailed up the length of your body, caressing over your breast before finding its home on your neck.  His palm was against your voice box now, his fingers long enough to wrap around your throat and reach your jaw.  There was no force in his hold, but it still held power over you, ushering your body into stillness while your chest heaved with heavy breaths.

“Patience.” He whispered. “Let me take care of you.”

Shouta followed up his words with more gentle kisses along your neck, your shoulder… wherever his lips could reach with you on his lap.  The feel of his hand on your throat was a reminder of who was in control.  But it was also a promise - a promise to ensure your needs would be met.

Once Shouta was sure he had your compliance, his right hand travelled the remaining distance of your inner thigh to arrive at your panties, where moist heat greeted him.

A low hum of approval rumbled in his chest, vibrating against your back.  “You’re so wet.”

A pitiful “yes” was all you could muster before the tips of his fingers brushed gently against your clothed sex, stealing your voice and replacing it with a gasp.

Slowly Shouta pet you, his fingers stroking gentle circles over the wet cotton, teasing the sensitive flesh beneath.  With his hand still on your neck, you kept your body torturously motionless as he gradually increased the pressure of his digits, reducing his speed as he passed over your clit to drag the pads of his fingers over the bundle of nerves.

You swallowed the pooling saliva in your mouth, the action causing your throat to press against his hand. “Please…” you begged. “I can’t…”

Shouta was strict, but not cruel.  He obliged, slipping his fingers beneath the cotton to swim his digits into your juices, never breaking his circular, rhythmic motion over your slick entrance.  The scent of your arousal surrounded both of you, thick and heavy.

“Fuck, Y/N…” he growled against your skin.

Two of his fingers dipped into you then, slow at first, allowing you to stretch around him as your walls quivered.  Your thighs tensed at the intrusion, welcoming the stinging pressure as your core burned with fire. He withdrew his fingers slowly and you lifted your head to watch in carnal fascination to see his fingers shining wet down to the knuckles. He pushed them into you again, curling his fingers towards the sensitive, spongey tissue along the top of your walls, his thumb pressing down on your wet clit.  A zap of stimulation fired from your core before fizzling away, a teasing warning of what was to come.

“Oh-Oh fuck…” you gasped as one hand reached back and grabbed a fistful of Shouta’s thick, dark hair.

He picked up his pace then, his thumb driving firm circles around your swollen pearl as the sounds of your wet hole being finger-fucked filled the silence of the empty stage.  With each pass of his thumb, with each curl of his fingers, the heat grew hotter, your cunt swollen and burning with the need for release.  Your thighs were tensed so tightly now that it made your legs lift and you had to brace your feet against the piano, discordant notes ringing out to join the sounds of your heavy pants and wet squelching in a lewd song. Shouta’s hand left your throat to hold you under your thigh to keep you steady as his other hand worked fast and hard to unravel you.  With the absence of his touch on your neck, you were free to move your hips, grinding hard into his hand, his lap, whatever part of him you were touching.  Your grip on his hair tightened, mirroring the tension building within you, clinging to him like the boughs of a tree knowing that any second the flood would come.

Shouta was your lifeline, your rock, your destroyer.  You were the waves and he was the shore, and your body tensed to prepare itself to crash against him.

“Come on, baby…” Shouta whispered gruffly.  “I’ve got you. Cum for me.”

You came with a cry, loud and frantic as your walls clamped down on his fingers.  The ball of heat that you had been carrying like a stone exploded within you, incinerating every nerve from the inside out, leaving nothing but sweet, sharp, euphoria in its wake.  Your walls spasmed repeatedly, sucking greedily on Shouta’s drenched fingers, as you cried and moaned, bucked and arched.  Shouta’s arm was around your waist, holding you against him to keep you from sliding off of his lap as you rode the high of your orgasm, tumbling like a waterfall over and over again to finally become a puddle in his strong arms.  

Shouta held you silently against him as your body twitched with aftershocks of pleasure.  Once your spasms subsided and he was sure you wouldn’t fall from your perch, Shouta released his hold around your waist to draw his fingers up and down your arm, creating goosebumps under his gentle touch.  His fingers were still in you, his hand cupped between your legs.  The warmth of his touch on your tired cunt was comforting, and it brought forth a content moan from your parted lips.  Shouta smiled as he planted another kiss on your shoulder.

You weren’t sure how long you stayed like that with him.  But you finally made yourself sit up when you felt sleep starting to drag you down into its murky depths, your limbs feeling heavy.

Finally, Shouta spoke. “Better?” he asked.

You gave a laugh.  “Much.”  You looked down at yourself in amusement. “You made a mess of me, though…”

Shouta gave a satisfied hum and stared at his hand that held you.  “I like you messy.” He stated.

“So, you’re just gonna leave me like this?” you teased.

He laughed and withdrew his fingers, wiping the slick coating them onto his jeans.  “As much as I like that idea, no.”  He adjusted your ruined underwear and the hem of your dress back into place before turning you around in his lap.  His hands were planted on your rear, keeping you securely and comfortably in place.  “It’s late. We should get you home.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him.  “What about you?” you asked, your eyes glancing down to his lap. Your hands began to trail down his chest to reach the button of his pants, eager to reciprocate.

Shouta smiled at you and grabbed your hands, bringing them back up to plant kisses on your palms.  “Tonight was about you. There’ll be more opportunities for both of us later.”  You pouted and he chuckled. “Don’t give me that face.”

“It hardly seems fair…” you muttered.  You were looking forward to enjoying more of him… you didn’t want tonight to end.

He hummed as he began to trail kisses along your jawline and you arched your neck to allow him better access.  “We both… need sleep.”

Sleep? With his mouth on your skin, sleep was the last thing on your mind.  Shouta pulled his lips away to look into your eyes again and you could see the fatigue there, dark circles framing bloodshot eyes.  He really did look incredibly tired, and you couldn’t help but wonder how late it really was.  You brushed the errant strand of hair off of his forehead, tucking it behind his ear.

“Okay...” you softly agreed.

“You should come back tomorrow night.” He mused, the mischief back in his eyes. “We can continue our piano lessons.”

“I’d like that.” you smiled.

 You couldn’t wait.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 309: Gotta Go My Own Way

Previously on BnHA: Muscular was all “well if it isn’t the protagonist on his solo journey of self-discovery, for some reason I’m unironically glad I get to fight you!” Deku was all “hey Muscular before I finish kicking your ass would you please take a moment to answer these two survey questions? Question one, do you regret being a total piece of shit? And question two, if you could do anything at all in the world other than being a total piece of shit, would you?” Muscular was all, “pfft, no and no.” Deku was all, “thanks buddy, your feedback helps make me a better hero, here’s a coupon for fifteen percent off your next ass-whooping.” Then he whooped his ass.

Today on BnHA: Deku is all “what up All Might can you believe you’ve been here this entire time?” All Might is all “I sure can since that’s literally my catch phrase, anyway how are your magic movie 1 gauntlets holding up?” Deku is all “they’re holding up fine, how are Hawks, Endeavor, and Best Jeanist doing?” Hawks, Endeavor, and Best Jeanist are all “we, your fellow co-conspirators, are also doing fine, thanks for asking!” Flashback!Deku is all “anyway so I secretly have All Might’s quirk and the most dangerous people in the world are after me, so sorry mom but that’s why I’m dropping out of school.” Inko is all “I CAN’T ACCEPT THAT” while totally accepting it. All Might is all “I GUESS WE’LL JUST HAVE TO GO ALONG WITH IT SINCE I DON’T FEEL LIKE TRYING TO STOP HIM.” Hawks, Jeanist, and Endeavor, as previously mentioned, are all “yeah that sounds like a good plan”, and Gran is all “see ya kid, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” So basically everyone in the entire world has suddenly teamed up with Deku to defeat AFO, except for the one person whose entire foreshadowed endgame is “teaming up with Deku to defeat AFO.” O Kacchan where art thou.

dear tumblr image limit: okay look. you don’t like me, and I don’t like you. but just as an experiment, I’m gonna try writing this recap with as few images as possible and we’ll see how it goes

(ETA: spoilers for how it went: it didn’t, lol.)

oh my god WHY ARE WE OPENING WITH MORE KETSUBUTSU ACADEMY KIDS.ffs we’d better at least finally get some Ms. Joke content out of this

(ETA: seriously who do I have to bribe.)

so these two KB kids who no one cares about are watching Deku leap away from the scene after dispatching Muscular. but more importantly wtf is this chapter title omg. “I can’t stay being a child” so that’s how it is huh. we’re gonna have feels and we’re going to like them. well then

oh my god he’s hauling Muscular away dhfksklfkh okay this is gonna have to be our first image because I can’t fucking help myself. look at this

just. Deku is so tiny and he’s carting away this massive unconscious lump of a man like it’s nothing why is this so funny to me. it’s like when people buy furniture, and they don’t want to pay extra for delivery and so they’re like, “I can definitely fit this king-sized mattress in the back of my compact sedan if I fold the fucking seat down, idk.” and they refuse to be talked out of it, and the next thing you know you’re watching them drive home with their open trunk door haphazardly tied down with bungee cords, and somehow it fucking works. because it turns out the compact sedan has super strength

anyway for SOME REASON now Horikoshi is all “have fun with that Deku, meanwhile we now return you to your regularly scheduled SHINDOU CONTENT” whyyyyyy

look at this. we’re really using up a whole fucking entire page on everyone arguing over who gets the honor of carrying Shindou

love how the civilians are all, “shit lol is this actually our fault?? quick, how do we play this off all casual like we were the reasonable parties here all along”

turns out all it took to finally get them to listen was making them watch while a kid got his insides ground into a pulp because of their stupidity!! what a heartwarming conclusion to this little standoff

anyways THANK GOD we’re cutting back to Deku now!! well actually we’re cutting back to Muscular who is being dropped off at the police precinct, good bye and good riddance lol

so Deku’s leaving him there and bounding away and okjdlSKFJLKJDSL OH MY GOD

no fucking way. no fucking way this little jaunt is All Might-sanctioned and approved. are you serious?? then who else is in on this?? what the hell is going on

so All Might is just WAITING FOR HIM IN AN ALLEY FFF WHO ARE YOU, JIM GORDON. or would Alfred be a better analogy here?? but like, Alfred if he ditched the suit for a moto jacket and shades

this new ensemble of All Might’s may or may not severely impact my ability to take this forthcoming conversation seriously; please stand by

also, quite the spectacular landing there, Deku. seriously lol what was that

“HOW ARE YOUR LIMBS” “THANKS TO YOU THEY’RE COMPLETELY FINE” I’M SORRY WHAT

LOL WHAT. “THANKS TO THE POWER OF THESE MAGIC GLOVES” OH I SEE THAT EXPLAINS IT

are these the same gauntlets from the first movie, then? well that’s all well and good, except that now there’s going to be more Deku Discourse than fucking ever lol. so if it’s all the same to you guys, I’m gonna once again go ahead and declare this week’s post a discourse-free zone, at least when it comes to the specific discourse of Deku’s merits as a MC, and the impact that him kicking ass and having working arms has on said merits. this has been something of a low mental energy week for me, so I’d rather reserve the energy I do have for more fun topics, such as All Might’s bitchin’ leather jacket

anyway so All Might’s saying that the gauntlets will help reinforce Deku’s arms, but they can’t withstand OFA at 100%. so basically it’s a support item designed to maintain the status quo lol. we’re basically in the same situation we were before, arm-capability-wise

homg All Might’s getting a call. time to see who else is in on Operation: Deku Alone?? or not so alone for that matter

omg

HI HAWKS, WHERE ARE YOUR WINGS

(ETA: seriously are they really gone for good?? why would he even be back on active duty then?? does he have his own American ex-boyfriend who can hook him up with exclusive support items?? dammit Horikoshi we want answers.)

looks like Jeanist and Endeavor are teaming up as well, just like they said they would. I would gladly follow this trio around all day long tbh

is this the same giant villain from the very first chapter??

looks like it to me, and it would tie in with that callback from the end of chapter 306. we all thought that was Muscular, but maybe it was this guy, and Deku left these three to deal with him while he ran off to take Muscular down

oh my god now Deku is running off again just like that

kids these days

ffffff I have not had nearly enough sleep to follow along with whatever tf Hawks is talking about here sob

like, is he trying to say that All Might is keeping Deku’s whereabouts unknown to anyone except for him?? in order to keep him safe?? but Hawks is pointing out that that’s a bad strategy and probably won’t do shit against AFO and it’s better if he lets Deku work with the rest of them?

(ETA: so @hanashimas​’ translation makes a lot more sense -- it’s not All Might who’s being overprotective, but Deku. in other words he’s trying not to drag All Might into his battles. and in addition Hawks is saying that their strategy is to take the offensive and go after AFO themselves rather than wait for him to come to them. which I’m not too sure about myself, but that’s another topic for another day.)

btw I can’t help thinking how much better this entire conversation would be if All Might was still wearing his sunglasses. put them back on my dude. it’s not too late. embrace your inner badass

DKLJSLDKFJL FLASHBACK ALERT, FUCKING FINALLY

“turns out, we were just trying to scare you straight. fuck lot of good that did though lol”

also what is this. one true love: the hospital bed. is that a scanlator joke or is Horikoshi actually that funny omg

SKLJDFLJLK

ITSA ME!! omg I love this hospital so much. though it’s sure not helping me in my quest to try and keep this post below ten images. I’m already up to eleven haha r.i.p. to me if tumblr doesn’t get its shit together

whaaaaaat, so he’s saying that Deku’s injuries were external (i.e. Tomura beating the shit out of him) rather than internal this time?? whaaaaat. excuse me but that’s some bullshit lmao. believe me, I was there

okay now he’s going on to explain that Deku’s “internal structure” seems to have been protected from the inside and out, and the corresponding panel seems to be implying that using Blackwhip as a brace paid off. huh

and also that his body is just stronger now?? so I guess he’s better able to withstand the quirk after an additional year of training?? I’M NOT SURE IF I BUY ANY OF THIS LOL but I’m willing to suspend my disbelief

OH MY GOD RED ALERT, INKO IS ASKING ALL MIGHT TO EXPLAIN WTAF DEKU’S QUIRK IS, IS IT FINALLY THAT TIME OMGGGG

SO HE’S EXPLAINING IT TO HER OFF-SCREEN, AND INKO IS JUST LIKE

I GUESS THAT’S FAIR LOL. IT’S TRUE INKO I’M SO SORRY, YOUR SON IS A PROGATONIST R.I.P.

AHHKKJH DEKU ANGST IS IT FINALLY THAT TIME OMGGGGGG

what is this soft pop beat that’s suddenly being pumped in over the speakers. I’VE GOT TO MOVE ON~ AND BE WHO~ I~ AM~~~, I JUST DON’T BELONG HERE, I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAAAAAAAND. also, follow-up question, when is Kacchan finally going to come back so he can jump in with the “WHAT ABOUT US~~~” bridge, huh. come the fuck on, Horikoshi

lmao All Might jesus christ

but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision...

anyway, yes!! finally that sweet, sweet “I don’t want to put anyone else in danger” angst!!

mmm that’s good angst Brent. Kacchan with center panel honors as usual, you love to see it. anyways though who do I have to yell at to get Deku a goddamn HUG around here seriously

so Inko is of course reacting with panic, and sensibly saying that she doesn’t approve of Deku’s “RUN AWAY AND FIGHT THE BAD GUYS ALL ON MY OWN, DON’T WORRY MOM I’LL JUST GET STRONGER, EASY AS PIE, IT’S A FOOLPROOF STRATEGY” plan

son of a bitch this manipulative green asshole is really gonna sit here and smile fondly at his mom and try to convince her that he’s Not A Little Kid Anymore. the hell you’re not mister

y'all are really just gonna sit there and let him talk you into this?? surely it can’t be that easy??

OH MY GOD

THE FEELS oh my god oh my god. BUT ALSO YOU’RE SERIOUSLY JUST GOING TO COLLAPSE INTO HIS ARMS SOBBING AND LET HIM DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS LKJLJLFK. WHERE ARE ALL THE STRICT PARENTS AT?? AIZAWA, GANG ORCA, MITSUKI, SOMEONE PLEASE COME AND TELL DEKU TO SIT HIS ASS THE FUCK DOWN. NOW LISTEN HERE YOUNG MAN!!

“EVEN IF I TRY TO STOP YOU YOU’LL STILL LEAVE” WELL SURE, IF BY “TRY TO STOP HIM” YOU MEAN POLITELY TRY TO TALK HIM OUT OF IT FOR THREE SECONDS. HE’S SIXTEEN WTF WHEN DID HE BECOME THE BOSS OF YOU ALL. SOMEONE NEEDS TO COME AND TELL HIM HE’S GROUNDED

anyway sob so that’s the story of how Deku talked his parents into letting him drop out of school, and even convinced All Might to be his own personal Guy In The Chair. holy shit. this kid really went and rolled a nat 20 and the rest of them had no choice but to fold without argument

meanwhile here’s a panel of Best Jeanist trying to braid his phone into his hair just cuz

I’m dying to know which part of his language he considers to be crude here. you literally didn’t even use a contraction my guy

so now flashback!Deku is talking to Gran in the dark, and Gran is all “can you believe I’m not fucking dead yet lol that’s too funny. anyway, you sure I can’t interest you in killing Tomura after all?? no?? okay then here’s my cape.” truly a heartwarming scene

I’m kind of torn here tbh. on the one hand, my adhd ass wasn’t all that interested in sitting down and having an extended scene between these two when there’s so much else that I want to get to. but on the other hand, even I can admit that cramming this entire reunion into a single page seems just a BIT rushed. idk. like maybe someone can let Horikoshi know it’s a marathon and not a race. Deku didn’t even get any dialogue here, some of us want to know his thoughts!! but anyway

AND JUST LIKE THAT?!

how did all four of them let him con them into this. I literally just watched it happen and I still can’t figure out how. “I GUESS THIS SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUT IS OUR LEADER NOW” ffflfjf. when Aizawa finds out he’s gonna go apeshit. AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON BAKUGOU KATSUKI, WHO I HAVE BEEN ASSURED DOES IN FACT STILL EXIST. WHAT ABOUT USSSSS, WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING WE’VE BEEN THROUGH. WHAT ABOUT TRUST???! YOU KNOW I NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOUUUUU

btw lol don’t get me wrong, I am enjoying this, and I’m honestly glad Deku’s not alone because that would suck for him! but that said, Hawks and Jeanist have lost any credibility they might have once had as far as being The Responsible Ones, and as for All Might and Endeavor, fucking hell lol. everyone just deposited all of their fucks in a bank somewhere for safekeeping and decided to never look back. godspeed you mad lads

[things-we-cant-say]

pretty little liar

Pairing: Ten x Female!Reader

Summary: In order to get your annoying ex off your back, you tell a little white lie that takes an unexpected turn.

Genre: College!AU

Warnings: Smutty smut, dirty dancing

Word Count: 4,867

A/N: Unable to withstand Ten’s power any longer, I had to start writing about him…or a version of him anyway. Hope someone out there enjoys my first dip into the ~imagines~ pond. ☺️

The party was in full swing by the time you and your best friend Amy arrived, the music so loud it could be heard down the street. It was a wonder the cops hadn’t broken it up yet but hey, the night was still young. Ducking through the arched doorway with Amy hot on your heels, you let her guide you into the foyer where you both stopped to take in the scene. The place was packed with people dancing, drinking and laughing—everyone apparently having a great time. Which was perfect for you because all you wanted to do was blow off a little steam and pretend you hadn’t spent the day fantasizing about committing the perfect murder.

You enjoyed school for the most part and you enjoyed your classes, but really you couldn’t wait for it all to just be over. Two extra years and your master’s degree in linguistics was almost within your grasp. You still weren’t one hundred percent what you planned to do with it (teaching was definitely out) but either way you were ready to dive into the real world. To no longer be stressed out about exams and papers and boring ass professors that constantly seemed to have a stain on their tie.

And to get far, far away from your stupid ex, Adam.

“Uh oh you have murder face,” Amy said as she peeped around to look at you. “What’s wrong?”

You shrugged. “Just in my head I guess.”

Amy hummed. “I get it. That’s why we are here though! To get fucked up and do something we regret in the morning.”

You laughed. “Guess we’re Uber-ing home.”

She grinned and grabbed your wrist, pulling you over to a table loaded with different types of alcohol. The guy ‘tending bar’ as it were winked as you two approached. “What can I get you for?”

“Something with alcohol but where we can’t taste the alcohol!” Amy exclaimed happily. “Oh! And if you’ve got any little umbrellas I’d like one of those too.”

He did finger guns and proceeded to cook something up in two red cups, sticking in two pink umbrellas when he was done. You and Amy took your drinks and after a cursory sniff, took a sip. The tequila wasn’t as strong as with a single shot but you could still detect it just not enough to make you stop drinking. Unlike Amy you didn’t plan to get completely fucked up but you weren’t going to say no to a nice buzz.

Cups in hand you migrated onto the dance floor and fell in with everyone else, bopping to the beat and scream chatting over the loud music.

“I really needed this!” Amy yelled. “Statistics is kicking my cute little ass!”

“I know what you mean!” You shouted. “But hey! Soon we’ll be done and actual jobs will be kicking our cute little asses!”

Laughing, Amy bounced up and down, sending her blonde hair flying. “Is that why you’ve been so grumpy lately? Or is it…he who shall not be named?”

With a sigh you took a big sip of your strawberry margarita. “Yeah. He keeps fucking calling me and leaving me these stupid ass messages, apologizing and shit. I’ve blocked him but he just uses someone else’s phone.”

Amy’s eyes stretched wide. “That’s like stalker behavior! Or maybe he really is sorry for what he did.”

You snorted. “Sorry for having sex with his ex in the backseat of my car? As far as I am concerned he can take his ‘sorrys’ and shove them so far up his ass they come out his mouth as safaris!”

Amy choked a little on her drink, hitting you hard on the arm in admonishment after she stopped coughing. “I hate you! I could have died!”

Her words made you smirk. “But did you? No but for real, fuck Adam. Fuck Adam and anyone who even looks like Adam!”

“Woo!” Amy threw both hands up into the air, yelping as liquid sloshed down onto her head. “Oh shit! Drink emergency I’ll be right back!”

Before you could say anything, she turned and hurried back towards the drink table. Alone in the middle of a dancing crowd, you didn’t know whether you should slink over to a corner or just keep dancing. That last thing you wanted was some random dude trying to groove with you. Of course if you decided to hold up the wall nothing would stop some random dude from trying to hit on you either. At a bit of a loss you drained the rest of your drink and did a I don’t really know anyone two step, hoping Amy would return soon.

The tequila settled nice and warm in your stomach, making you feel more at ease. Most of the people at the party were from your school but not ones you associated with on like, a daily basis. Sure you recognized a few faces from the library or cafeteria but there was no one you’d had more than a surface conversation with.

And then your eyes landed on him. Ten.

Ten was a…different sort of person altogether. He was the kinda guy CW shows thought actually existed in college, except he was very real. And very much fucking gorgeous in that unattainable way CW shows also loved. However, that sort of did him a disservice because as far as you knew, he was just a decent guy who happened to be able to do some pretty awesome things.

For example, he was an amazing dancer. The kinda dancer that just freaking mesmerized you when he moved. Had you wondering how in the hell had he taught his body to do that shit? One minute he was in total sync with everyone else and the next he was performing his solo and blowing your mind. He’d done some show a few months ago with a friend and you’d nearly flipped out of your chair watching him work. The body rolls, the attitude, the way he’d just commanded the stage…whew. Was it possible to be a fan of someone who wasn’t famous?

Then there was his art; things he designed himself or drew from memory. Art class was essentially where you’d sorta came to be acquaintances with him. You weren’t exactly good at drawing but you liked it enough that you wanted to improve, plus it helped you de-stress after particularly hard days. Ten on the other hand excelled and just like with dancing, it was interesting to watch his process. He’d described himself as a sensory artist so he wasn’t always as concerned with the end product as the professor sometimes wanted him to be. From your eye though he’d yet to create anything that wasn’t remarkable. In fact, more than once you’d wanted to ask him to design a tattoo for you, but felt it would be kinda weird. He had no idea what you were into after all. So far your conversations with him had consisted of colors and that one time he’d asked to borrow one of your brushes.

You were pretty sure he’d sold something to an art gallery.

Anyway so Ten could dance and he could draw and he could sing and he was fluent in several languages; as far as you knew the only thing he was kind of shit at was cooking. But who hadn’t set a class kitchen on fire once or twice? Or three times…

If he were an asshole—well people would probably still crush on him—you’d count that as a major flaw and want to keep your distance. But the kicker was that he could do cool things and he was nice. Dorky even especially when it came to cute animals. Was always posting pictures of himself at the animal shelter playing with the kittens and the puppies, or just acting like an idiot with friends. Yet it was that confidence that made him seem untouchable, and also made him sexy as fuck. More than once you’d fantasized about biting his Adam’s apple.

Heh.

Shaking your head, you fanned lightly at your face with both hands. Maybe stepping outside for some fresh air would be a good idea.

“Y/N!” Amy nearly tripped over her pretty sandals in her hurry to get back to you. “Weewoo weewoo weewoo!”

“Um…”

She grabbed your shoulder. “It’s a police siren! We have a code red situation here, I repeat a code red! Adam just walked in!”

“What?” You blinked and immediately looked towards the doorway, brows narrowing when you saw she was right.

Standing there in a white t-shirt in his formerly handsome glory was your ex-boyfriend, Adam. Once upon a time you’d thought the world of him; thought he was the kinda guy you could probably marry someday. The kinda guy you’d introduced your family to. Turns out he was the kind of guy that hooked up with his ex in your car repeatedly until finally being caught in the act. Sure it had been gratifying to make him and her walk home half naked but it had done nothing to quell the pain left behind. Thankfully though your pain quickly turned to anger and now you usually focused on not murdering him when he popped up. There was a lot you could forgive but cheating was firmly in the do not cross zone. Everything you’d felt for him evaporated the moment you saw him with her.

And he’d promised he was over her. Lying piece of shit, you thought to yourself.

“What the hell is he doing here?! Does he even know anyone here?” you asked with a frown.

“I dunno!” your friend said slowly. “It’s possible, big campus and all. Do you want me to help you climb out of the bathroom window?”

“Yeah my boobs aren’t fitting through one of those skinny ass windows,” you replied wryly. “Though to be honest I’m almost willing to risk it. C’mon let’s—”

It was too late. Adam spotted you like an arrow searching for its target, eyes registering shock and then elation. He reached you in three quick strides, opening his arms for a hug that he was damned crazy to expect. “Y/N. Wow you—you look amazing. I’m so glad we ran into each other.”

You huffed. “I’m not. I told you we’re over Adam. Or does me blocking your calls not get the message across?”

He exhaled deeply. “Look I know I messed up but I’m sorry. Classes were just really tough and—and Lucy and I would reminisce about old times…”

“Do I look like I give a shit? You cheated on me and we’re over.” The lie came so easily. “Besides, I’ve moved on.”

“Yeah!” Amy poked him in the chest. “She’s moved on so suck it!”

Adam arched a brow. “You’ve moved on?” He sounded skeptical and that made your blood boil. “Since when? And with who?”

You’d once heard that Hippocrates came up with the saying drastic times call for drastic measures though it wasn’t something you’d be willing to bet money on. However, standing there with your ex eying you like he just knew you were lying brought a whole new meaning to the idiom. You would one hundred percent be damned before giving him the satisfaction of gloating.

Tequila’s kicking in…

Without missing a beat, you put a hand on your hip and motioned to Ten. “Him. I’m seeing him.”

Amy made a sound like a cat having its tail stepped on while Adam gaped at you. “What? I—no. No way. You’re totally lying. I’ve seen the people he’s dated and you’re not his type at all.”

This bitch.

Twirling on your black heels, you strolled across the room to where Ten sat in an arm chair, chatting with a few of his friends. Before you could talk yourself out of it, you straddled his lap and leaned forward to whisper in his ear. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I know this is awkward as fuck—I’m so sorry—but if you just play along I will owe you big time. I’ll give you anything. You need a kidney? You can have a kidney.”

Ten’s friends had gone mute and as you sat back to gauge his reaction—or to possibly be thrown off of him—you bit your full bottom lip. His dark eyes were watching you calculatingly, his own lips pursed together like you were a riddle he needed to solve. Up close he was utterly breathtaking, all smooth skin and silky black hair that fell artfully across his forehead. He smelled incredible.

And then he spoke.

“There you are baby,” he said wrapping an arm around your waist. “I’ve been looking for you.”

That was when you figured you owed him your first born but it was fine. “Well, you found me. Sorry to keep you waiting.”

He chuckled. “You’re worth waiting for.”

His friends still looked confused though they didn’t have time to voice their opinions. Adam stalked over seconds later like a man on a mission. “So it’s true? You and Y/N are together?”

Ten tilted his head to the side and you saw the moment the lightbulb went off for him. “Yeah we’re together.”

Adam huffed. “Since when? For how long? Where did you two meet?”

Ten smirked. “Are you taking a survey or something?” He brushed his lips across your jaw, making you shiver. “The only thing that matters is that she’s mine. Let’s dance, Y/N.”

“I would love to,” you replied with a smile. You were also grateful he’d remembered your name.

You climbed off of his lap and took his hand, sending Adam a you thought look before pulling Ten out into the thick of the crowd. Your heart was beating a mile a minute but you felt too giddy to pay much attention to it. Plus, you knew Adam was watching you like a hawk and you didn’t want to let on how nervous you actually were. If he found out you were lying he’d never leave you alone and consider you pathetic to boot. Besides the nice buzz that was finally creeping down your spine told you everything would be fine. How could it not be?

Ten’s hands settled low on your hips and he gave you a little tug, pulling your back to his chest. You fit rather perfectly with him, his chin brushing the top of your head. Picking a rhythm in the song that thumped with bass, you began to move together. You rolled your ass against him and leaned your head back to rest on his shoulder, focusing on his breath as it ghosted across your neck. A silver of light wouldn’t have been able to get between you.

Normally you wouldn’t have dared to do something like this with a near stranger but your desire to make your ex suffer was bigger than your nerves. Besides Ten appeared to be all in on the ruse; his body twisting and curving in sync with yours, fingers on his right hand sliding up between your breasts to wrap lightly on your throat. His teeth nipped at your earlobe and you gasped. Reached around to his side to clasp his shirt for an anchor. You heard him chuckle and suddenly you were spun away from him only to be reeled back in, this time face to face.

The room felt like it was two hundred degrees. You weren’t exactly wearing much—a slinky black dress with tiny ties at the hem—but even that seemed too much. Without missing a beat though you and Ten continued to grind with one another, his thigh just barely pushed between your own. Every time you swayed forward to meet him the denim of his jeans rubbed deliciously against you, sending sparks sprinting through your veins. Both of his hands were on your ass as if helping to guide you, and as you met his gaze you couldn’t help but bite your lip at what you saw there. Desire, lust, hunger—no one had ever looked at you like that before. Like they could just devour you and still not have enough of you.

It made you feel powerful.

You grinned and wrapped an arm around his neck, fingers giving his hair a little tug. He hissed and lowered his head so that he could mouth at your bare shoulder, hands squeezing your ass so hard it nearly hurt. You weren’t sure when you started to get wet—maybe it was the moment you sat on his lap or he decided to play along with your dumb stunt—but you could tell it now. Your panties were sticking to you, your skin was on fire and it was becoming difficult to think straight. Honestly however you didn’t want to think at all, especially not if it meant not being in Ten’s orbit.

“Ten,” you whispered into the skin under his jaw.

He hummed, the sound vibrating through your body. You plastered your hand to his chest and pulled it down, nails catching on the thin material of his shirt until they were brushing along the zipper on his jeans. You gave him a quick squeeze—he was hard and straining—and he cursed loudly. Between one second and the next he was dragging you down a dimly light hallway, past kissing couples and one guy passed out drunk in the doorway of someone’s room. He swung you both into the first vacant room he came to; a lavish bathroom at the very back of the house. The door was closed with a swift thump and the lock clicked shut.

You licked your lips as he crowded you back into the counter, looking down at you with a tiny smirk. That part of your brain that yammered on about bad decisions was surprisingly quiet, so you figured it was beyond okay to pull him down for a kiss. As with most of the stuff he did, Ten was a damn good kisser. His mouth was soft and warm, his tongue playful and coaxing. He kissed you like he’d been waiting to kiss you for a long time. Until it grew deep and sensual. Until you were both panting with the need for air but neither wanting to let go of the moment.

With a gasp you tilted backwards a bit, your knees suddenly weak. “Fuck me,” you said absently.

“Can I?” Ten asked, chest heaving. “Can I fuck you?”

“God yes,” you replied, already pulling your dress up until it hitched around your waist.

Ten hooked his thumbs onto the band of your pink panties and slid them down your legs, laying them next to the sink. He looked you over with that same eye he used for his art but you could tell he liked what he saw. You grabbed his hand and brought it between your legs, spreading them wider for him. Two of his fingers slipped inside of you without any resistance to find you damp and aching, already so hot for him. He started a lazy rhythm—in and out, in and out—like he was in no hurry at all. Like he wasn’t driving you crazy all the way down to the tips of your toes.

He kept his eyes locked onto yours as he touched you, lips slightly parted like he couldn’t believe this was happening. That rang true for both of you. Never in your wildest dreams did you think you’d ever really be friends with Ten, let alone about to hook up with him. It was like you’d stumbled into some alternate universe.

Bringing his free hand up to your cheek, he smoothed his thumb across your lips, pressing lightly until you let him in. You sucked his thumb into your mouth and gave it a little nip, smiling when he smirked. When he deemed it wet enough, he pressed it to your clit and you moaned, your hips stuttering upward with a will of their own. He began a firm massage, working your clit this way and that, fingers still thrusting in their maddening motion. Of course he’d be great with his hands. Of course he’d be able to play your body like a finely tuned instrument.

Pressure started to build low in your stomach. “I—I’m…”

“Turn around.” Ten took a step back and made a show of sucking his fingers into his mouth, tongue darting out to lick between them like he wanted to savor every drop.

You whimpered but did as he requested, your eyes finding his in the wide silver mirror. You watched as he unzipped his pants and pushed them along with his dark colored briefs down to the floor. You hadn’t seen him pull out a condom but he had one; ripping open the packaging with his perfectly straight teeth before rolling it onto his hard cock. It was a delicious looking thing you had to admit, long and thick with a slight curve. If you’d had the time you would have gladly went to your knees for him.

A low breath shuddered out of Ten’s lungs as he pushed inside of you, his hands gripping your waist so strongly you were bound to have a few bruises later. “Fuck, you’re tight.”

It had been a while since Adam and nobody after him until now.

When he assumed you’d adjusted to the size of him, he pulled nearly out before driving back inside of you. You moaned and pushed back to meet his thrusts, feeling the pleasure shattering through you. Your breasts bounced as he moved and he reached a hand forward, tugging down the top of your dress so that he could cup one. He rolled your nipple between his fingers and pinched, bending over you so that he could bite down onto the tender skin of your shoulder. The motion sent him even deeper and you both groaned at the feeling.

“Te—Ten,” you stammered, losing your train of thought when he rolled his hips liked he did on the dance floor. “Oh fuck! Fuck!”

The picture you made in the mirror was a very erotic one; you could see every single expression on Ten’s handsome face. The utter enjoyment he was obviously finding in fucking you was written all over it; there was nowhere for it to hide. His head was tipped back, eyes fluttering closed only to pop back open so that he could watch himself shove into you over and over again. He had you up on your tip toes, nose just an inch from the mirror itself. He was always sexy but tonight that word took on a whole new meaning.

All you could do was try to give as good as you got.

You slapped a hand onto the sink to steady yourself and clenched around him, reveling in the low whine that escaped his throat. It kinda sounded like your name.

And then he was pulling all the way out, dick bouncing as he stumbled backwards. You blinked in confusion. “Wh--what’s wrong?”

Ten ran his fingers through his hair. “C’mon. I want you to ride me.”

He sat down on the closed toilet seat lid and you straddled him without a second thought, sinking down onto his dick with a full body shudder. With your dress around your waist and your breasts jiggling in his face as you bounced up and down on his cock, he traced his tongue around your nipple before lightly biting down. You tangled your fingers in his hair and panted out his name, letting out a squeak when his palm connected with your ass for a hard slap. Planting his feet on the floor, he leaned you backwards a bit as he drove into you repeatedly, eyes watching how well your pussy took him.

“You’re beautiful,” he murmured against your collarbone. “Gorgeous—you feel so good.” He bit you again, this time on the side of your neck. “So good.”

With one hand on his shoulder to brace yourself, you rose up and let yourself come down hard over and over again, feeling him pound so deep it was almost criminal. Had the music not been so loud you knew exactly what you would have heard; the sound of skin hitting skin as Ten fucked you like he owned you. Just for tonight, maybe he did.

You weren’t sure how long it went on but when you came it still managed to take you by surprise. Your body lit up like a Christmas tree from the inside out and you cried out Ten’s name, clenching around him, your nails digging into his shoulder blades. He muttered a drawn out fuuuuck and pinched your clit with this thumb and forefinger, making you jerk so hard you nearly tumbled off his lap.

“Ah! Ten!” You shouted as he kept it up. “I—no—oh god—”

Your pussy tightened around him again and he shivered, thrusts growing erratic as he came with a grunt. You trembled through a second orgasm almost in disbelief—usually the only thing that could get you off twice in a row was hidden under your bed in a shoe box.

Seconds later you flopped against him, attempting to catch your breath. He was still rolling his hips just a tiny bit, making all the too sensitive areas ping.

“Whoa,” he said breathlessly, wrapping both arms around your waist. “That was…”

You chuckled softly. “Yeah…” Chancing a look at him, you admired the way strands of his dark hair stuck to his sweaty forehead. He was glistening, shirt sticking to his chest. He smelled like hints of your perfume and you smelled like hints of his cologne. It was all so intimate.

Reluctantly you sat back and gazed at him, wondering if things were about to get awkward. But Ten just smiled and ducked his head a little, a barely there blush creeping up into his already flushed cheeks. It was so adorable you couldn’t have resisted kissing him if you tried. From the way he melted into you, he’d had the same idea.

After a few minutes of just enjoying the feel of his lips against yours, you forced yourself up off of him. Your legs shook; you had to grab the counter to keep from tripping in your heels. You could already tell you’d still feel him tomorrow and the thought made you kinda dizzy, but in a good way. Blinking at your reflection—your hair was a dark mess—you knew there was no way you’d be able to hide the love bites that adorned your skin. They stood out stark red and purple like a bruise.

Ten remained slouched on the toilet for a couple of moments before removing the condom and tossing it into the trash. He dabbed at his dick with a handful of toilet paper, and then pulled up his underwear and jeans. “So…can I ask you something?”

You fixed your dress. “Sure.”

“Who was that guy?” he inquired with a grin. “The one you obviously wanted to get away from.”

Oh shit you’d forgotten all about Adam! “Oh he—he’s my dumb ex. He jumped stupid at me and I—I wanted to show him that he’s an idiot. That I’m totally over him. I—I’m sorry for getting you involved.”

He laughed as he patted down his hair. “No complaints from my end. I think he got the message though.” Reaching behind you he handed you your panties. “Don’t wanna forget these.”

It was ridiculous to be embarrassed considering what you’d both just done, but you couldn’t help it. You took them from him and pulled them on, keeping your eyes on the ground. “Thanks… Look Ten—”

“I’m hungry,” he said interrupting you. “Have you ever had grilled dried pollack?”

“Um yeah once I think,” you replied uncertainly. “It was pretty tasty.”

Ten motioned behind him. “I know a place that makes it if you wanted to go. And…maybe afterwards we could just hang out. Talk.”

That sounded amazing. “I’d love to. But…”

He picked up on your meaning. “Y/N I sit next to you in all of our art classes. I make conversation with you for no reason. Do you really think I of all people forget my brushes? Honestly I’ve wanted to ask you out for a while but you’ve always seemed…disinterested.”

You were dumbstruck by his admission. “Me?! That’s just my face! You’re the unattainable ingénue or whatever!”

Ten chuckled, folding his arms across his chest. “Oh please the only thing standing between me and being a serious cat dad is having an apartment that allows animals. However, this conversation is pointless. You owe me and I’m collecting…if that’s okay?”

You huffed but couldn’t stop grinning. “It’s perfect.”

The walk from the bathroom to the living room had everyone staring with a few people letting out loud whistles. Adam had disappeared but Amy was there to give you a big thumbs up. You promised to call her later and then let Ten pull you outside into the warm night air, your fingers happily entwined with his.

[timextoxhajima]

The Boyz as things and feelings (just cause)

this is a small thing @haechanhues​ needed help with so i decided to make it an actual post uwu [this is gonna be pretty long cause i might write little scenarios]

[THE BOYZ AS THINGS AND FEELINGS]

SANGYEON - MIRRORS AND PILLOWS

mirrors make a place look bigger than it really is - i feel like sangyeon has that ability to make you feel like you’re more important on your worst days

the things he’ll do just to make sure you’re alright, even when he knows you’re not

he also has the ability to reflect what you need: sad? he’ll come and hug you and let you cry or talk about your shitty day. happy? he’ll joke about the way you snort while laughing then he’d probably do something dumb to keep the energy up there

mirrors also feel very private and at-home, and that exactly how i feel he curates an environment

pillows are self-explanatory ig, smth to cry into, smth to fall asleep with while hugging, has the best homely scents ever, very comfortable

i imagine going home after a long day and finding your partner also tired, but he’s cooking or like in the couch watching tv and he just invites you into his arms uwu

“tell me about everything! whatever that makes you happy or sad and i’ll try my best to be who you need at that point of time!”

JACOB - FLOWERS AND MUSIC

ok like jacob with a guitar is just a stellar sight to behold, he looks like he was born to hold one, and his vocals are super underrated imo, most of tbz’s discography doesnt really suit his voice - i really wish he had a chance to have more lines in more ballads or maybe even a solo thing

he would drag you out to go on walks after he knows you’ve buried yourself in your work the whole day, and he’d be the kind to stop at a pretty flower and contemplate plucking it but he wouldn’t cause he’s a fairy and wouldn’t hurt a fly, much less a pretty flower

would probably play a piece in the background while you’re stressed w work and hum a tune so the singing wouldn’t distract you

would stop when he notices you stopped working and your sad ass is probably crying lmao

he’s a very soft and gentle man imo

he’s the innocent daisy amidst other bright colored, flamboyant flowers but he still stands out

“i’ll grow you a rose bush in the yard so i don’t have to be sad about plucking flowers next time.”

YOUNGHOON - WINTER COATS AND COFFEE AND PASTRIES

he definitely radiates tsundere vibes on first sight, but when you get to know him, he’s obviously the opposite: a crybaby

but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t keep up his model-like appearances when he’s outside - in fact, he’d be the one to influence you into caring more about how you look (of course not materialistically, but more into actually caring about making yourself feel good with your fashion and appearance)

i chose winter coats as a symbol of coverage - he doesn’t show much of himself unless he’s close to you (like when you wear winter coats to keep warm, he’s a burrito because he doesn’t bother too much about sharing his feelings), but when he does, it feels like he has the ability to keep you warm and comfortable, even on the coldest days, even if his inner savage comes out

it’ll be like he scooped you into his coat and has you warm in one of this inner breast pockets

i see him as the kind to get regular coffee and like, a tart or something, at a cafe. it adds on to the warmth, when he remembers what you like. the details. maybe you like your coffee with cinnamon or less sugar or something, but then he tops it up with a muffin and he knows you like it heated up so he specifically asks for them to do so

ok but he’s defo the kind of guy that catches people’s attention at public spaces so every now and then when he’s laughing or smiling, some girl would gawk at him and he would be embarrassed about it, but lucky for you, you’re already wearing matching coats so they know the man’s taken uwu

“if only they knew how long it took to convince you to wear that coat.”

HYUNJAE - CONCERTS AND CONVENIENCE STORE DATES

classy but calm. dream-like but realistic. 

i say concerts as in the instrumental, ballad kinds. he loves it and he knows you probably need the sleep where you have that kind of background white noise/music that provides you the best quality of sleep there is. but when you’re not dosing off, he’s admiring how much time you’re willing to invest into being at something he loves

of course, in turn, he doesn’t complain much when you’re hungry and you meet him down the street at the nearest convenience store for some instant noodles and potato chips with a coke and he lets you ramble about your day 

he would probably buy you an ice cream just so you’d feel better, then regret it when you get a stomachache later cause it was like 2am in the morning

you probably have like 5 of his hoodies at home that you refuse to wash cause his scent is tainted all over it and the only time he gets to take them home is when he stays over or visits and he sneaks one into his bag when you’re in the kitchen making tea or a bowl of noodles

then you’ll get it back without even knowing it was gone

the kind that would probably surprise you after a day of work with a casual date idea to the movies, and i mean showing up at your place, impromptu, after he knows you’re home with two tickets 

“act like my girlfriend for once and go on a date with me, would you? your work isn’t going to be there with you when you die at 90.”

JUYEON - STARGAZING AND VR GAMES

as dumb and sometimes bimbotic as he seems he is, he’s gotten most of the visible constellations memorised and he would not hesitate from telling you all about his childhood with his family when they would travel and try to spot every single constellation they can remember

which brings me to the point where he remembers what you like, but... backhandedly. he doesn’t remember what you like but he remembers what you hate instead, so you don’t ever have to worry about getting that licorice flavoured jelly bean

he would offer a midnight walk to help you relieve your stress, cause he knows you just like seeing the nightsky amidst the peace and quiet while he rambles on for his own satisfaction. not everything has to be so emotionally attached and shared. you can share blissful moments without being the reason for each other’s and that’s totally fine.

juyeon is kind of a scaredy cat in the sense that he isn’t really into horror movies or games but he’s always had that dream to become a pilot and so for his birthday, you brought him to a vr game arcade where he played some plane simulator and ever since, you’ve been taking turns to surprise each other with a new vr arcade spot or adding on to the vr game console set you have at home

“maybe i should digitalise you so i can see you in the vr game”

KEVIN - KARAOKE SESSIONS AND NEON LIGHTS

the best-friend kind of partner you would come across once in a lifetime

a billion film shots of you after he drags you to the karaoke and he beats you at super intense songs like the bohemian rhapsody just cause he can hit those high notes and solely because he was screaming on the floor when he did it

almost left his film camera behind 

absolutely LOVES those walks along streets where there are a million neon lights

would come across that one sus neon light signs that indicate a sex toy store and he would give you that sly smile and probably joke for you to go in 

kevin has a moon neon light in his room and you have a star or something (whatever you want)

corrects your grammar and pronunciation, only for you two to bicker about it even more when you use google translation and there are different pronunciations depending on where/what accent you’re using

he really is your light in the dark, even if he’s known to be introverted. once he’s comfortable enough with you, he makes you feel like the most important person in the world

has one of those portable speaker microphones at home and he drones on and on and on with some billie eilish song until you hurl a pillow at him

“so you’re the tough girl, like it really rough girl, justcan’tgetenoughofkevingirl, chest always so puffed girl”

CHANHEE - DUETS AND STRAWBERRY PICKING

(i could not find a more candid, softer aesthetic pic for chanhee rip)

his entire wardrobe fits you - the only problem is that he’ll never let you wear it in fear that you’d stain or tear something

shared playlists because that’s how similar your taste in music is, and so sometimes when you have your earpiece in and you’re humming the melody of that song, chanhee picks it up immediately despite not hearing that song, and ends up harmonising with you

got kicked out of the library once or twice because it was exam period and the two of you won’t shut up

ironically doesn’t sing that much if you’re not around

chanhee is a true blue introvert - which is a miracle that you’ve managed to tear through that barrier of his and find out that he giggles at every stupid thing you do: he’s having a bad day? trip over the pavement. he’ll laugh. it works

dragging him out to go strawberry picking was so difficult - but of course chanhee isn’t safe from how beautiful and enticing the fresh fruits were.

didn’t touch anything strawberry flavoured OR any strawberries for the next month or so

his straightforwardness comes with the breakdown of his barrier - but that’s what brings you comfort. he will never lie, he will only be sarcastic and even then, you’d know it’s true

i used duets as a symbol of harmony and being in-sync, though never really exactly the same, and that’s how it is with chanhee. your thoughts are very similar even though he’s much more introverted than you, but that’s what binds you 

“i’m gonna tell the librarian i don’t know you if we get kicked out again.”

CHANGMIN - CITY TOURS AND MATCHING OUTFITS

city tours - the kind that you already know inside out and yet you STILL travel the area as if you were a tourist 

that’s exactly how it is with changmin: you know him inside out, after being friends for so long, but it never gets old

you’re used to him biting your hand out of nowhere and yet it startles you all the time. that stupid chucky doll in his living room? old, but it never fails to scare you

he doesn’t ever talk about it that much, but he loves it when you co-ordinate outfits

no, it doesn’t mean you wear couple tees, but it’s aesthetically pleasing to changmin that if he wears cool tones, you would too

he’d be reserved about his thoughts and feelings sometimes but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t think or feel them

there’s a strange sense of familiarity with changmin, because you kind of know what to expect but then you’re never disappointed, you know?

“i got you this white pigeon cause it looks like the one i already got... you can give it back to me if you don’t like it though-” /he takes it before you can accept it/

HAKNYEON - STAND UP COMEDY SHOWS AND RUNNING ALONG THE BEACH

there’s something about ju that makes it very casual and easy-going

he hates horror genred themes so fuck that, he would queue online just for the latest ali wong comedy show, even if it’s an online show, and he would laugh until he cried

sometimes he’s a drama queen but that makes it alot easier for you to know what he’s thinking or feeling - it makes communication alot easier

that means a lack of arguments

he’s also very empathetic but straightforward, exactly like how comedy shows are - because they are relatable, they are funny because they bring out the irony and sarcasm and all the dumb things in life that people are sometimes afraid of talking about and hak just says whatever he wants to say, even if he knows it might be hurtful or upsetting

he prioritises truth and honesty over anything else

it makes you a better person, honestly

beach walks - very calming, very liberating. he lets you yell and scream and kick sand back into the water because you can, and he does it with you

tries to teach you how to skip rocks but you suck and you can’t so he just pulls you away from the pile of rocks you amassed

“flick your wrist like that, not like you’re meowing!”

SUNWOO - SOCCER FRIENDLIES AND STUDIO SESSIONS

he will NOT go easy on you in a friendly match: you might be one of the fastest players of the female team but he’s ruthless in his ball-stealing, so even if you were fast enough to keep the ball out of his reach, he’d still be able to snatch it right out between your feet

very, very competitive and does not like to lose

you would always play the ‘ladies first’ card but then he’d throw the ‘feminism’ card back at you 

sometimes you act more like siblings than anything else 

the only time when he isn’t fuming with competition is if you’re injured because he accidentally tackled you - he’ll gracefully give himself a yellow card before absolutely trashing you in the next match

has one foot into the production game recently - likes to play with the beat board and mixing tunes, and since you’ve had your hand in doing music remixes for a deejay job before, you’re there to identify which songs have the same bass line or beat counts for easier mixing

would make you a playlist of remixes but wouldn’t admit that he spent a whole day in the studio without you just so it would be a surprise

a soft boy stuck in the wraps of an egoistic man

“a day? please. i illegally downloaded half these remixes off the internet cause i’d think you’re too internet-dumb to find them.”

ERIC - BAKING AND SKATEBOARDING

full of impromptu, casual ideas to hang out 

baking is a fucking mess - why did he suggest it when he doesn’t even have the right ingredients?

wanted to replace eggs with water - like ok thats supposedly healthier, but why????????????

he likes cleaning so that was the only fucking bonus in baking - had to call his mom for help halfway through because the cookies looked more like goop than playdough

gave up in the end and he repaid his debt by helping clean your kitchen

tried to teach you how to skateboard, but he ended up falling off his own in the process and now he’s got a grazed knee 

the kind of person you’d have so much chaotic fun with, he’s that friend your mom told you to NOT hang out with that much if not you’d get run down by a car 

has the most fucking random pieces of clothing in his wardrobe, like where did he even get that pink coat from?

“no you have to do this and like lift up your leg and then kinda rest your weight on it before flicking your ankle and like- whOA- OH OW OHNO OHOHOH OW”

[queersatanic]

For a long time, it’s been known that The Satanic Temple’s co-owner Lucien Greaves once went on an antisemitic rant about how the Nazis ruined the word antisemitism for everyone and that it was “OK to hate Jews” so long as you were hating observant Jews.

He was on a 24-hour radio show celebrating and promoting the release of a new edition of Might Is Right that he’d illustrated, so naturally Greaves' co-hosts and the guest caller then escalated immediately to hatred of all Jews and Holocaust denialism. The famous clip of this conversation cuts off about there.

The following apologia for that rant and subsequent conversation by Satanic blogger Stephen Bradford Long is, uh, creative about its construction of facts.

To be more generous, it is overly credulous toward people who have not earned it, but it’s typical of how TST members continue to utilize willful ignorance to justify their continued support of an organization fundamentally structured to control and extract the free labor of members that its owners can profit off of without those owners having any reciprocal accountability to members, whatsoever, including telling them the truth.

Let's take a look in more detail at what will be a very long post using Long's blog post as a guide to examine this aspect of The Satanic Temple and its history.

I’ve [Stephen Bradford Long] been a member of The Satanic Temple (TST) since December 2017, and in that time there’ve been occasional accusations of crypto-fascism, alt-rightism, and Nazism against TST by both outsiders and former members. This article is about why I choose to remain in the Satanic Temple despite these accusations, and why I find these accusations lacking in credibility.

Long is not really going to address the full context of crypto-fascism and alt-righterism in this piece, but he wants to make you aware that he's aware of it.

Before I continue with this discussion, though, I need to make a few clarifications: I am in no way a leader or spokesperson for TST. I’m not even part of a local chapter – I’m a solo Satanist who identifies with the Satanic Temple. This article is not written from a position of official leadership, but from my limited perspective as a rank-and-file member. It’s likely that, due to my limited perspective, that there are details that I miss.

This disclaimer is probably necessary because The Satanic Temple wraps its actual members up in "definitely not a giant red flag for a supposed religious organization" non-disclosure agreements (NDAs). The latest version of the membership agreement they're rolling out to local chapters congregations is likely why we're starting to see another schism now (July 2021), but which specific NDA Long was operating under—or avoiding—in May 2020 when he wrote this, only TST would know.

That said, I do have a bias: I have a fairly popular Satanic blog, podcast, and a big social media presence in the TST community. I consider myself good friends with Penemue, (Director of Ministry, Executive Producer of TST TV, former International Council Member) and we text regularly. I’ve had quite a few TST leaders on my show. My articles are frequently shared by Lucien Greaves and the official TST twitter account, and while I wouldn’t consider Lucien close enough to be called a friend, I do admire him, and he has guested on my podcast twice so far.

Long's situation has changed. Per his Twitter, as of July 2021, Long is now on the Ordination Council of The Satanic Temple Ministry, so it's possible that he's now wrapped up in an even more restrictive NDA than most people. He may not even be able to respond to this if he wanted to.

Going back to "stuff not talked about", Priest Penemue, who now openly goes by Greg Stevens again, is a one-time Breitbart contributor who was on very familiar terms with Milo Yiannopolous and Mike Cernovich. Cernovich was already a #GamerGate veteran, open misogynist, and rape apologist at that point; Cernovich also utilizes far-right attorney, "anti-antifa" and anti-#BlackLivesMatter opinion-haver, eugenics enthusiast Marc Randazza.

Now, Randazza will come up later in Long's blog for Long's theory of "contagion", but it is notable that Randazza isn't just a piece of shit because he goes out of his way to represent pieces of shit; he's also, himself, very much a piece of shit.

Back to Long.

Finally, nothing in this article means I won’t be compelled to leave in the future. While I think it’s unlikely, it’s possible that TST will make some extraordinary mishap that will require me to follow my conscience and distance myself from the organization. As a Satanist, that option must always be available to me. While I haven’t seen anything in the organization so far that conflicts with my conscience, that doesn’t mean there won’t be something that does in the future. With that out of the way, let’s begin.

So, Doubt.gif, but yeah, let's really begin.

Lucien’s Moment of Cringe

Back in 2003, before he was Lucien Greaves and instead known as Doug Mesner, Lucien had a cringy podcast conversation with Shane Bugbee in which he said some concerning things, and many of the accusations against TST orbit around this moment. Joseph Laycock chronicles the cringiest moments on page 69 in his book Speak of the Devil:

[Book excerpt] The tone of the podcast is sophomoric and intentionally offensive in keeping with Bugbee’s philosophy of Satanism. In the exchange in question, Mesner states, “It’s OK to hate Jews” if this hatred is based in contempt for their supernatural beliefs but that, “It’s not OK to hate Jews” if this hated is based in racism or ideas of eugenics [emphasis added]. Bugbee then asks Mesner, “Do you like Satanic Jews?” Mesner answers, “Satanic Jews are fine.” Bugbee replies, “One drop of Jew blood means you ain’t breaking bread with me, motherfucker.” At this, someone on the podcast can be heard laughing. Mesner starts to respond, at which point Bugbee accuses Mesner of being Jewish himself. In what may have been an attempt to disarm the situation, Mesner then replies, “Look at me, I’m an Aryan king.” This is met with more laughter. This exchange is followed by a more serious discussion by Bugbee’s wife, Amy, about how Jews exaggerated the numbers killed in the Holocaust and have exploited it for political gain, during which Mesner is silent.

“Cringe,” huh?

So, to be clear, Stephen Bradford Long is quoting Joseph Laycock, a researcher of new religious movements who was in the middle of a book about how great neo-Satanism is when news of this broke big again in 2018. Long relies on Laycock to have listened to the clip and lets Laycock characterize an event that Long admits is why so many other accusations "orbit" around TST rather than, apparently, listening to it himself and trying to find out more information.

In lieu of access to any of the primary information for yourself, this would be understandable. But if you read more of that section from the book, it's immediately apparent that Laycock did some pretty shoddy work.

Now, you may think it's nitpicking, but this is not a podcast. This is a 24-hour live Internet radio broadcast. People are calling in while listening. More importantly, it didn't take place Sep. 11, 2002; this was 2003.

You can tell from other things like archived Web posts promoting it and printed materials, but also the other conversations that take place throughout the stream, like arguing about the Democratic presidential primary field and people referring to the current year being "2003".

So let's establish two things:

Shane Bugbee, Lucien Greaves, and Amy Bugbee talked about a ton of stuff in the course of 24 hours

Laycock listened to approximately none of those other things before trying to exculpate Lucien and resorting to "some of Lucien's best friends are Jewish."

The fact that Laycock didn't know which year it was happening might explain why he offers up that little detail in defense of Lucien in regards to eugenics.

Certainly, Lucien is not making eugenics-based arguments, right?

Right?

Ascertaining truth directly

Look at me, I'm an Aryan King!

For those who don't know, Lucien Greaves' real name is "Douglas Alexander Misicko," which means when he gets himself added as an intervenor in an ACLU court case, he still does so as "Doug Misicko." Back in 2003 and for some time after, he was using the pseudonym "Doug Mesner", and he has used at least two others online since then, but since TST people mostly know him as "Lucien Greaves", we'll keep using that.

Some caveats: that transcript in the above Wiki link was auto-generated and as of July 2021, has still to be fully manually corrected. While it gets the gist well, please don't take it on faith that it's correct. Also, over the course of the 24-hours, the timestamps stay in order but do drift a bit from the Archive.org audio timer.

However, it’s a roadmap for you to find something and follow along with your own ears. You can hear for yourself what grotesquely racist song they put on to close out that segment. You can hear for yourself how they got into that conversation.

It turns out the caller, a Holocaust-denying metal musician from Vancouver named Gerod Staaf a.k.a. Gzerod Von Staaf brings up Lucien's favorite subject: eugenics.

Lucien agrees that the Nazis ruined the concept for everyone in the Second World War and brings up an apparently practiced phrase: "Threw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak."

We know this is not an off-the-cuff remark or merely sleepless thought because in hour nine, the stream plays a pre-recorded interview that Lucien did with conservative radio host Ken Hamblin, "The Black Avenger", to promote their upcoming stream.

08:07:56 Doug Misicko: Right? Well, I think people kind of throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak, after World War Two. 08:08:03 Ken Hamblin: Okay. 08:08:03 Doug Misicko: Ideas like eugenics and social Darwinism. They threw out everything positive that we could have possibly gained from those along with it. 08:08:12 Ken Hamblin: Well, eugenics is, I would think eugenics is a world apart from whatever the philosophy of Might is Right is about. Or does it- Or does it tie in by saying, "Might is right, because I have the power and you're subhuman" or what 08:08:28 Doug Misicko: No... Not exactly, I mean, the book takes an anti-totalitarian stance in place- in places, but I think sometimes you have to choose what your brand of totalitarianism is going to be. I mean, right now, we might live in what you would call a mob rule. And we're becoming overpopulated. There are no rules against breeding. And I don't think there should be rules, perhaps, on real generalized racial grounds like they were doing in Nazi Germany, but perhaps just merely on qualification grounds.

Hamblin asks for clarification: "How about a person with a low IQ, who is not likely to be able to give a child the quality of husbanding that is necessary for the competitiveness of the 21st century?"

"I do believe that that type of person should not be allowed to breed," Lucien answers.

So going back to "this moment of cringe"—the famous one where Lucien talks over the caller to be able to assert that "antisemitism is not a dirty word"—before they get to that moment, they're already having a lovely conversation about how too many stupid people are having kids. The next step is natural.

03:05:33 Gerod Staaf: Now. What about the concept of eugenics? Do we see that being implemented anytime in the US? 03:05:39 Doug Misicko: I don't know. It would have to be- You know, I think eventually there's gonna have to be population control. And that's where it'll start. Then if you're going to start controlling the population, then you can start getting into the argument about in what direction you control the population, why don't you use it towards a eugenics end? Or at least curb dysgenics [emphasis added] which is opposite eugenics. For those who don't know, the concept being that the stupidest people breed the most. It seems axiomatic at this point, it's just, hey, a given truism.

We've talked before about how cheery Lucien is in his conversation with Grand Dragon of the KKK and White Aryan Resistance founder Tom Metzger, and how Lucien tries to convince Metzger that the best way for Metzger to achieve his genocide of all the Black people would be to institute sterilization based on IQ in the name of eugenics.

So this stuff is not incidental to Lucien's philosophy. And it's not something you can pretend was just a "moment" of poor judgment or going along with others.

Five years later for his Process.org blog, Lucien utilizes a facetious counterargument but is still writing about how much he hates that stupid people are allowed to have babies.

He also seems to complain that every time he argues in favor of it, people associate him with all of the fucking things eugenics and forced sterilization have actually been used for in history.

[Lucien Greaves, as Doug Mesner writes] One needs to demonstrate proper cognizance to scrub toilets or pick produce, but nobody is too simple to have a child. Motherhood may be the most important job a person could take, and yet nobody is too incompetent to be denied the task. And it’s a good thing, too – for who would decide who is fit to breed and who is not? Selective breeding of any kind is eugenics all over again, and anybody who even mutters that foul word must be ridiculed from discourse as neo-Nazi swine. Only a fascist could be so vile as to suggest that the laws of heredity could be employed toward the betterment of the gene-pool or – disregarding any such lofty notions of “improvement” – cessation of the propagation of severe dysfunctions from retardations to psychopathy. Anybody who would recommend that parents who are unable to afford housing, food, or clothing – or is otherwise incapable of caring for a child – should thus abstain from having children is nothing more than a megalomaniacal totalitarian. You have merely to point at her and say aloud, “Hitler!” and your argument is won. Breeding restrictions are a slippery slope, and it is absolutely inevitable that if the rapist is sterilized, so too will be all non-Aryans. Consensus means nothing here, because in a democracy “all men are created equal” – except when applying for jobs, or being accepting into schools, or looking for a loan…. But breeding is different. You can’t stratify there. An alcoholic inbred could possibly produce the next Einstein, (Though, I suppose, the alcoholic would be unlikely to be an actual inbred. There are laws against inbreeding. Inbreeding is known to propagate genetic defects, but that’s where we need to draw the line, or it’s head first down that slippery slope.) and infertile couples should care nothing of the background details of their sperm donor.

Yeah, but that's 2008. Surely Lucien changed his mind after that, right?

Well, probably still not by 2013 when Lucien brought in Shane Bugbee to help him launch TST.

[Tweet thread]

That's Lucien Greaves, Shane Bugbee, and TST co-owner "Malcolm Jarry" (real name, Cevin Soling) standing together in mid-2013.

People like Joseph Laycock and Stephen Bradford Long take great pains to excuse Lucien because he's not as bad as Shane Bugbee, and Shane was the real racist, antisemite, and absolutely horrible person, right?

Well, despite moving to different parts of the country, Lucien stayed close with Shane for another 10 years after all of that and tried to get Shane work shaping the media-rollout of TST in the beginning.

By 2013, do you think Lucien and Shane even stopped loving Might Is Right? Do you think they pitched it together to be the foundation of TST?

It's not until mid-2018 that the website Lucien promotes throughout the MIR stream finally goes dark. It was called "dysgenics.com".

This is the main ad they run for it, a recording Lucien himself saying:

Natural selection and modern civilization have ceased to exist. Today we live in a world overpopulated with bottom feeders. The pool is overfilled with the dregs, there is no inherent value on human life. The value is earned and most people are running a deficit. They're worse than worthless. They're counter-productive. What can be done? www.dysgenics.com.

We can't know what's in his heart, but throughout his time as the voice of TST, Lucien has continued to publicly speak about how the problem isn't with "Nazis", and has argued people shouldn't oppose Nazis with force. The problem, according to Lucien, is that certain hapless racists are inbred, stupid rednecks who should be mocked. Stupidity and trashiness are still the problem for him; dapper and well-spoken genocide, eh, not so much.

All right, so that's a pretty deep dive, but we have not gotten to worst yet, so let's jump back into Stephen Bradford Long's blog.

Let me go ahead and get this out of the way: in my opinion, this whole conversation [ed. he means just this particular exchange] – including Lucien’s part in it — is gross and unacceptable. I think it’s reasonable to be concerned by this conversation. While Lucien doesn’t take as hard a stance as Shane Bugbee and his wife, he also doesn’t do much to mitigate the rampant bigotry on display in this public conversation, and I personally see that as a failure. I think that when we see racism on display, we should oppose it. Lucien might have attempted to do that by insisting he doesn’t have a problem with Satanic Jews, but it’s a milquetoast attempt at best. But also, in my opinion, Lucien is not demonstrating deliberate anti-Semitism in this conversation, but poorly articulated anti-theism. It’s all too easy for a broad anti-theist, anti-religion sentiment to be interpreted as anti-specific-ethnic-religious-community. Anti-theists (ideally) don’t object to the ethnic or cultural identity, but to the supernatural beliefs that they deem dangerous. Perhaps I’m being too charitable in my interpretation of Lucien’s words, but I don’t hear him being consciously anti-Jewish, because he clearly specifies that he doesn’t have a problem with Satanic Jews. That suggests it’s the supernatural beliefs he objected to, not the identity. Shane Bugbee and his wife, on the other hand, are unapologetically antisemitic. While Lucien is expressing poorly articulated anti-theism, that doesn’t make it harmless in impact. He might not have intended to come off as anti-Semitic, but the impact of his words is still dismissive and insensitive to a persecuted religious minority. It’s entirely possible to do something racist even when we don’t consciously mean to. That’s what it means to live in a culture of systemic racism and bigotry. So, to recap: 1. I think this whole podcast conversation is gross and unacceptable. 2. I think he’s trying to articulate anti-theism, not anti-Semitism. 3. Regardless of his intent, the impact of his words is still anti-semitic. This entire conversation is made more complicated by the fact that it was recorded to commemorate the release of a new addition of Ragnar Redbeard’s protofascist booklet Might is Right, which Lucien illustrated. I think it’s reasonable to be concerned about this situation. Lucien’s position isn’t exactly clear through this whole episode.

"Complicated", "concerned", "position isn't exactly clear"

They are there. To promote. An antisemitic. White supremacist. Misogynistic. Protofascist. Book.

A book that Lucien Greaves illustrated.

It has a book that has inspired white supremacists for decades, and was cited by name while the 2019 Gilroy Garlic Festival mass shooter stream himself killing people.

This is the context. The position Lucien is taking throughout the entirety of the stream is that Social Darwinism and eugenics is good, and Lucien clearly does not have a problem with literal Neo-Nazis and white nationalists, including those responsible for assaulting and murdering people because those are the people he sought out to bring on and interview.

If you're on a desktop browser, this will be easier, but try searching for "Jew" in this (uncorrected) transcript, and if you don't trust the transcription, listen for yourself.

If you think Lucien's position isn't clear, search for the unredacted versions of "n****r"; "r*t*rd"; or "f*g" and find some clarity.

02:35:32 Doug Misicko: You got n****r sodomites on call 02:35:34 Shane Bugbee: God damn right, motherfucker. They're cheap. Life is cheap bitch. It's about the cost of a fucking nickel bullet. You remember that motherfucker. And I ain't talking any shit. I know people everywhere.

And:

10:14:04 Doug Misicko: I don't want to have a kid if it's gonna be a r*t*rd or anything like that. 10:14:08 Psychic: You don't what?! 10:14:09 Doug Misicko: I don't want to have a kid if it's gonna be a r*t*rd or anything like that. 10:14:13 Psychic: I can't understand what you are saying... 10:14:14 Doug Misicko: Well, you know, if I was gonna have a kid, I wouldn't want to be a r*t*rd or anything. I need some consultation.

And:

11:16:57 Hart Fisher: Been like a little cripple time down here at the RadioFreeSatan.com. 11:17:00 Doug Misicko: Yeah, we love the r*t*rds. 11:17:02 Hart Fisher: Oh, very important. Kids of Whitney High. 11:17:05 Doug Misicko: Right. Make some beautiful music. 11:17:09 Shane Bugbee: First ones in the fuckin showers. First go the r*t*rds and then go the Jews. 11:17:17 Doug Misicko: The r*t*rds are entertaining. 11:17:19 Shane Bugbee: Next is the n****rs and sp*cs and then more Jews.

If your defense is, "At least Lucien didn't talk as coarsely as Shane did", that is an incredibly weird excuse to give someone. Seriously arguing, "We should sterilize all people with low IQs" is actually worse than just the r-slur. But yeah, Lucien did both.

We promise you, no matter how much more context you want to give this stuff, it will make it worse. There is always more, and it's always worse.

A Horseshit Explanation

But back to Long's blog:

I reached out to Lucien for comment and he emailed me an internal TST statement that was sent to chapter heads. The statement is long, but I think the whole thing needs to be read and digested in full:

So, apologies for giving you so much information up to this point. Hopefully, you have taken some breaks if you've needed it. But having done so, it's going to be immediately apparent just how much of this statement that Long quotes in-full is absolute horseshit.

Subtly, because you may miss the history, Long is writing this blog in May 2020, but TST just recycled the statement they put out in Lucien's name back in 2018 as part of that schism, and you can tell by the reference to "15 years", which would be 2003.

Another subtle but actual falsehood they try to sneak in: "I was an ignorant kid" and "still in my early twenties" - in reality, Lucien was 28. This matches public information, but it's also what he says himself while prank calling the suicide hotline - because there's always more and it's always worse.

But without further ado, the recycled 2018 statement (emphasis added in each case):

Dear Chapter Heads, It was recently brought to the attention of The Satanic Temple that a snippet from a 15-year old “Might is Right” radio show featuring our co-founder Lucien Greaves (aka Doug Mesner) is being widely distributed via social media. This is not the first time this audio has been shared within the community as a point of concern and Lucien has spoken on the matter each time but given the expansion of our organization, we feel it necessary to provide a more formal communication to be made available for your own edification as well as a helpful reference for addressing the concerns of your members.

This audio, which was heavily edited out of context, was recorded in 2003, well over a decade before the creation of The Satanic Temple (TST). It was taken from a 24-hour radio show featuring Lucien which covered a broad range of topics, music, and interviews with various subversive personalities of the time. In the clip, Lucien disparages Jewish religious practices in a manner that the organization and Lucien acknowledge as both inappropriate and unfortunate; however, he does clarify that it is reprehensible that people would blame a bloodline for the questionable behavior and supernatural beliefs of a religion and we should be especially cognizant of the fact that what our critics are saying he said isn’t actually the point or content of what’s being communicated.

Lucien wishes to communicate the following:

“Even as I may be defending myself against what that material was NOT, I still must admit that I today do not agree with my opinions expressed then in any way. To me, back then, I was speaking of people who would take, say, Leviticus literally and try to impose its laws upon the world. I grew up as ignorant white trash in a deeply divided and violent area which heavily affected my world view. At the time of this recording, while still in my early twenties, I thought that the triumph of Laveyan Satanism was that it de-racialized a “survival of the fittest” productive, merit-based social darwinism. I used to hold the position that religious superstition shouldn’t be “normalized” as I saw it as such a problematic force in the world. My assumption then was that if we scoffed at such expressions openly, those expressing such things might think about their superstitions more clearly and abandon them. The founding of TST was ultimately a refutation of that viewpoint, a product of my complete removal from that mode of thinking. To me, there were “the religious,” and they were the majority, and then there were the beleaguered nonreligious who suffered from the dogmatic impositions of the religious. I would speak of superstitions in equally dismissive terms with unfortunate lack of concern, due to no real understanding, of familial/cultural attachments, or the effect of such rhetoric upon minority religious groups. I was an ignorant kid with a lot of outrage and a big idiot mouth that received just as many threats to my life by Nazis as I do today. TST will always be for anybody, of any background, who identifies with the values we espouse, and today, you can count on me to vigorously defend any religious group’s right to equal representation and expression anywhere.”

As Satanists who are members of the Satanic Temple, we recognize the relevance of our Sixth Tenet in this matter: “People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one’s best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused.”

We ask you to recognize that people do change their opinions over the course of 15 years, and Lucien is no exception. Our organization, its members, and all levels of leadership remain committed to the spirit of equality and compassion in Satanism and reject all forms of bigotry, hatred, and activity that conflicts with our community values and tenets.

So, end of recycled statement.

And wow, they are really relying on you not knowing jack shit about the rest of that 24-hour broadcast or the circumstances behind it, huh?

But those people that excuse doesn't work on don't stay to tell other people, and those the excuse does work on stick around and keep defending it, like Stephen Bradford Long does.

I think Lucien made a mistake in this whole incident. I also accept his apology as reasonable and sincere. I’m content to move on. Yet, despite Lucien’s continued attempts to clarify his positions, TST’s accusers pull this incident out as proof of Lucien’s depravity, and his apparent antisemitism, fascism, Nazism, or what have you.

"Made a mistake."

It's interesting how similar this language is to abusive pastors or just men in reactionary evangelical communities, regardless of how those men may have hurt people for years as part of a consistent pattern, and despite no real evidence of change or restitution beyond saying tearfully, "I'm really sorry. Please forgive me." Except instead of a Bible verse, Lucien, or someone writing for him, pleads the tenets.

The way TST characterizes the exchange that people know about, it's as though it's just an oversight in 2003, a lapse, and one solitary conversation where Lucien didn't "push back against bigotry enough," or whatever.

But as we've talked about, Lucien has continued to do things in the name of "free speech" that consistently only work in one direction: in support of the far-right and their enablers.

Tracking his mindset, as late as 2016, Lucien still thinks it's terrible for an event to disinvite a violent Neo-Nazi Satanist like Augustus Sol Invictus from a speaking panel they're both on. But he also thinks that civil courts should be used to bankrupt people for truly unacceptable speech (see: the Haute Macabre interview, but also, um, what they're doing to us).

"Free speech" also means Lucien and Cevin "Malcolm Jarry" Soling can, as TST, say whatever the fuck reactionary bullshit about opposing public schools (but never cops or prisons) or supporting the Israel state's violence without asking anybody else. But no one else can say anything without asking them first, including about whether your TST chapter or you as a TST member can apply the seven tenets to oppose white supremacy and police abuse.

[Tweet]

What else do you think this section of the new member code is all about?

Members may not, without prior consent from Executive Ministry [ed. just Lucien Greaves or Malcolm Jarry], engage in activities as agents of TST or participate in any group within TST, where such activities imply or encourage the impression of collaboration or official alliance with non-TST entities, even when the aims and values of those entities appear clearly aligned with those of TST.

A guess: The ex[?]-chapter in Boston got fed up and disregarded TST's directive from May 29, 2020, about not supporting the Black Lives Matter movement, so on June 20, 2020, Boston posted to their Facebook that, yeah, the struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions, and that means full, unequivocal support for Black Lives Matter and opposition to white supremacy.

With the new contract, now you're in violation if you or your chapter speak out in favor of something Cevin and Lucien don't approve of, and if you think it's too ambiguous to conclude that's what it means, the point of the power dynamics is that ambiguity always helps the people who have power and hurts those without it.

If they say you violated it, you violated it. If you want to appeal, you can go through all the proper channels they also control and they can ultimately ignore as it suits them.

"What do the owners of The Satanic Temple care about, and what sort of people do they absolutely not care about?" is actually of critical importance to anyone donating their time, money, and creativity to making Lucien and Cevin's companies more profitable and influential.

The Conversion Left vs. The Contagion Left

[Stephen Bradford Long writes] This is where shit gets complicated. Let me back up and provide some of my background and thinking on leftist discourse in general. I’m starting to think that the left has two nearly irreconcilable worldviews, and that this rift is causing incalculable upheaval in leftist communities. I will call these two views Contagion and Conversion.

We've arrived at what is actually the crux of Long's whole argument, but after spending a ton of time getting to this point, we're mostly not going to engage with it for the simple reason that his prior assumptions in this specific situation are demonstrably false, and therefore are irrelevant.

Long says that the Left should include "reformed criminals, Nazis, racists, former white supremacists etc."; the problem is Long doesn't seem capable or willing of doing the due diligence to investigate how bad someone was or how much someone has actually changed, and therefore he misunderstands why someone wouldn't want to be around former* racists.

Long admits that he himself used to be a "far right, racist, homophobic, libertarian shitgibbon", and given his stance on this issue, this is not a surprise. He would go on to interview famous transphobe and alt-lite darling Katie Herzog, before coming to the realization thanks to her: "I'm a Satanist, Not A Leftist". So if you are a Leftist, he probably was never a great person to listen to for advice.

Take Long here with as much salt as you feel appropriate:

I don’t believe that Lucien was an ideological fascist, but if he was, I would still celebrate his change of heart demonstrated in the statement above. I would see his obvious leftist sentiments as a victory for the left and for minorities, understanding that his conversion means one less bigoted white man who can exact harm on defenseless minorities. I would welcome him into the fold with open arms.

Citation needed on any of those "obvious leftist sentiments" as opposed to "liberal" tending toward "classically liberal."

It's all very good to say, "I'm different now. I grew up. I've changed" as (paraphrasing) Lucien was quoted in that Breitbart article by TST Director of Ministry Greg Stevens.

But that makes another relevant aspect of the Might Is Right 24-hour stream is they interview George Burdi, who also said he says his ways.

The SPLC had interviewed Burdi in 2001, too, so a lot of people liked this narrative. After being imprisoned in 1997 for the assault of an antiracist activist woman and avoiding more prison by selling off his Neo-Nazi record company, Burdi said he renounced white supremacy. Burdi had a new band and it wasn't a reference to The Church of the Creator's "Racial Holy War" anymore; Burdi had two Black band members and was even engaged to an East Indian woman!

But if you listen to Burdi closely, there's a lot he doesn't say, and it sounds a lot less like he came to a realization that he was fundamentally wrong about the way he looked at the world than it does that he was facing tremendous consequences in his life for openly sharing and pursuing those views.

In 2017, Burdi admitted he had never fully left the white nationalist movement (~8:00 in). He still thought "multiculturalism" was bad, "homogenous societies" would be better, and calmly went through his ethno-nationalist screed that would necessitate tremendous violence visited on millions if not billions of people.

Burdi ends that section of the 2017 interview on a note about how he'd either send his children to a private school in Detroit or homeschool them, which is remarkably similar to the things TST owner Cevin Soling once told Russia Today about when public schools really went downhill.

[Soling says] What I think the transformation that took- happened, was that we went from a homogeneous population in these schools to a heterogeneous one [emphasis added]. And so where you have a common culture in a school, where everyone sort of comes from the same background, it’s easier to suppress and keep people in line, but when people have different cultures, greater efforts have to be made to basically keep people in line and enforce the conformity that is demanded and required in public schools. They’re not good places to learn and they’re not good places to be.

When you wonder why TST is getting involved in weird stuff like the Mahanoy (Pennsylvania) School Board and selling "Fuck The Mahanoy School Board" merch, it basically comes down to "Cevin Soling really hates public schools."

A defender of TST and of Soling might want to point out that just because Soling and George Burdi agree on one thing, and have used similar reasoning, doesn't mean the whole push to end public schools is actually wrong.

But it's more that the entire modern right wing is built on opposition to public school integration, and the sort of people who call for the abolition of schools because they're like prisons while still supporting actual prisons are just giving their hand away about what bothers them.

In fact, Soling also had a very long conversation with Stefan Molyneux, yes, that one, about the benefits of homeschooling when promoting his documentary "The War on Kids". He did an interview with at least one other homeschool right wing libertarian on that extended tour a decade ago, possibly more.

But here's the SPLC summary of home-school aficionado Molyneux:

A libertarian internet commentator and alleged cult leader who amplifies "scientific racism," eugenics and white supremacism to a massive new audience, Stefan Molyneux operates within the racist so-called “alt-right” and pro-Trump ranks.

"That was a long time ago," apologists will say.

Ok, sure.

The Daily Caller quoted Soling about homeschool initiative in April 2020 in his role as "president of Ideological Diversity", "a Student Organization at Harvard Kennedy School", which its description makes clear is about exactly the sort of euphemism you're thinking of.

By the way, the only other media covering that event was the Foundation for Economic Education, a Koch-funded "right-wing libertarian economic think-tank".

Turtles, all the way down.

Approaching the End

So as we get into the home-stretch (finally!), let's look at the sort of things Long has to say in defense of Greaves:

I think that, in Lucien’s case, we see all of the aspects of the Contagion Left at work. We see people assuming he’s a fascist and then expecting that to be disproven, before his fascism was even established as true. Lucien champions diversity and pluralism, yet despite that he is tarnished by some gross comments he made twenty years ago. Even if he was a fascist, I don’t care. In my opinion, his present character speaks for itself. If he was a fascist, I celebrate that he is (clearly) not one any longer. I see his previous attitudes as redeemed by his current convictions, rather than vice-versa. The theory of contagion applies to other accusations against Lucien and TST. When he hired Marc Randazza, Alex Jones’s attourney, pro bono for a free speech suit [emphasis added], he was suddenly tarnished by that association. The Right Wing cooties infected Lucien, despite the fact that, if Marc is right-wing, he is actively working against his own interests by aiding TST. Again, no one celebrates the possibility of Lucien’s leftism rubbing off on Randazza. The contagion only flows in a single direction, rendering us all fearful and ineffective. I think that nearly every attack on Lucien Greaves and TST is an example of Contagion Leftism. It’s not about creating a better Temple, it’s about fear of infection. Are there valid critiques of TST? Of course. Those criticisms, more often then not, come from members and leaders who care deeply about the future of TST.

At this point, it's not clear what there remains to say.

Long minimizes what it was Lucien was actually doing in 2003—because Long never bothered to investigate it for himself, even though it was fairly easy to have done so. Long seems to willfully ignore all of the people who have investigated it and said, "Go read and/or listen to this."

Long says, even if Lucien was a fascist then, clearly he's changed. However, the great schism in 2018 was related to criticism that Lucien had not changed and continued to be friendlier and more forgiving of virulent bigots and their enablers, and has continued to treat people like Andy fucking Ngo as a credible source, reserving his deeper criticism for antifascists who are "the greatest threat to our social stability."

And as for Marc Randazza, again, the problem isn't just that he represents bad clients but that he actively seeks out the likes of Alex Jones, Mike Cernovich, and Andrew Anglin of The Daily Stormer. He is himself actually a piece of shit, and in bad standing with a lot of state bars as well as the US Patent Office. We are supposed to take TST's word that Randazza is working for them pro bono on a "free speech suit" when they don't have open books to demonstrate where money donated to them is and isn't going.

Why? Why would you take them at their word? Their "free speech" lawsuit is specifically about getting Lucien Greaves' Twitter account a blue checkmark so he and other "political figures" like Laura Loomer and Richard Spencer stop being discriminated against.

Why would you believe that Randazza works for them for free when he's also their go-to to threaten a lawsuit about Mississippi changing its flag away from the Confederate design, but also, he's their go-to guy for patent office work. Maybe because Randazza lets clients use pseudonyms on federal documents and still turns in the paperwork.

Long thinks that Leftists believe in "right-wing cooties" as opposed to Leftists being people who have quite a bit of experience dealing with the far right and who know how dangerous they are to the sort of people they want to assault and abuse.

A Thought Experiment

Just, as a thought experiment mind you, imagine that instead of "right wing" people, we're talking about a group whose highest leadership just keeps continually palling around, boosting, and defending pedophiles and the sexual assault of young teenage girls. (note: in the Might Is Right stream, Shane Bugbee does literally, repeatedly comes back to this theme.)

But instead of just talking about it, the group's leaders invite on a bunch of actual, convicted, and unapologetic sexual child abusers to be interviewed, play hours of rambling pre-recorded speeches by people like Jimmy Savile to fill dead air time (in reality, it's Charles Manson and others), and you spend the next decades of your life talking about it, and defending their free speech rights, minimizing the harm they've caused and threat they pose ("The Catholic Church is way worse").

But, weirdly, almost exclusively their free speech rights are what you're interested in and not anyone with any other interests, like say unions, trans people, or folk who criticize police.

Imagine if this hypothetical group utilized a lawyer who disproportionately represented accused pedophiles, but the lawyer himself kept talking about his appreciation for "hot young teens" and such himself, maybe not going all the way to say it, but constantly revealing where his sympathies lay. (In reality, Marc Randazza has argued in favor of legalizing child porn on First Amendment grounds.)

In this hypothetical, exactly how safe do you think people with children would feel leaving their kids alone with leaders or with any organization whose members repeatedly made excuses for their leaders' past behavior, even as similar incidents were ongoing around and within the organization?

Would it actually be an important distinction to make whether the leaders felt a certain way about children or just didn't consider children's safety a priority?

To be clear: The Satanic Temple has figures who have spent 20 years doing something like that; but instead of abusing children, it's people who want to enact genocide, create a white ethnostate, pursue "Western Chauvinism", and so forth.

That was supposed to be the only point to this hypothetical: what's something absolutely indefensible other than genocidal white supremacists no one could possibly defend?

But, there's always more, and it's always worse, so in parallel to this thought experiment, as you saw, there are certain example of literal crossover. It also ends up being literally true that Lucien has been defending the shuttered False Memory Syndrome Foundation (FMSF), and continues to defend it via the Grey Faction and his personal Patreon.

So we're not saying that literally Lucien has a history of defending child sexual abuse and abusers.

But the FMSF has indeed been accused of that, as recently as having key figure Elizabeth Loftus popping up to provide expert testimony for the defense of the likes of Jerry Sandusky, Harvey Weinstein, and Bill Cosby but people all the way back to Ted Bundy, too. Their effect for years was to provide yet another excuse—for cops, courts, and various authority figures—to argue that victims of abuse, particularly children, were not to be trusted.

And of course, back in 1993, two of FMSF's board members did give an interview to the Dutch pro-pedophilia magazine Paidika: The Journal of Paedophilia kinda hyping up the whole... sexual abuse of children thing.

Still, for the better part of three decades, the FMSF continued to—by default—disbelieve that children were victims of abuse they remembered or understood after the fact, and to believe and welcome in the tens of thousands of adults accused of being abusers. Apparently, Lucien still admins the independent Facebook group "False Memory Syndrome Action Network" that the FMSF newsletter once promoted, under yet another pseudonym of his: "Mikoto Niikura", and as mentioned previously, wrote a response attacking the journalist who reported critically on the FMSF after its closure.

Lucien, and The Grey Faction and The Satanic Temple itself, continue to attack and deride people who experience Disassociate Identity Disorder despite it being in the DSM, but also, as pseudonym "Konrad Josefsson", attack people who claim to have Complex PTSD because it's not in the DSM.

If you have a traumatic sexual experience at, say, a TST-related Lupercalia orgy, but you don't say anything about it immediately, or if you accuse another member of sexual assault, do you think Lucien or Mike Cernovich's friend Greg Stevens or other people they trust as leaders are going to believe you? What if another leader is the one who hurt you?

Every time you dig deeper at something, you find more connections, more demonstrations of certain sympathies, lack of sympathy for others, and absolutely no way for the volunteers who make up the organization to make change or hold those in power accountable except by leaving where internally they will be misrepresented in their absence as just another of "The Outraged" or maybe even publicly, anonymously attacked.

Despite what The Satanic Temple told Hemant Mehta in 2018, there's not really any evidence they ever stopped wrapping people up in Non-Disclosure Agreements and lots of evidence NDAs are still standard operating procedure for their business (or was it religion?), so it is literally impossible to imagine all of the fucked up shit people have experienced and kept quiet about because they fear a rich, financially opaque and utterly unaccountable leadership from going after them with punitive lawsuits.

[Speaking of which, if you've learned anything new about The Satanic Temple or its leadership from reading this, feel free to tip us so we can keep defending ourselves from their lawsuit]

Long asks, "So why do I remain in TST?"

And the answer is pretty clear.

Despite all of the people who have left over the years complaining about how TST leadership doesn't live up to its own values, how the court cases keep going badly, and how actually there are no signs of any improvement but probably just the opposite given how finances are now even more opaque than before, we cannot find reasons to expect positive change.

The issue is that the people who are in TST and have constructed an identity and social network around it don’t want to believe they bet on the wrong horse again, particularly if they already left an abusive religion of their upbringing.

"Why I haven't left The Satanic Temple" - because when your mind is already made up, you don't bother to go looking for any evidence, and it's a lot easier to stick with your priors no matter how much evidence is shown to you that they're wrong.

Hail Satan, hail yourself.

You deserve better than these ghouls. You do.

[adventuresinwonderlust]

Title: Serious Inquiries Only: PART 2 

*FOR PART 1 CLICK HERE or SEE MASTERLIST*

Pairing: dom! yoongi x reader ft. Hobi

Warnings: Talk of sexual favors, flirting, crack, humor, Solo Masturbation (M) (F).

Rating: 18 and over

Yoongi:

Yoongi sits at his computer browsing through his ‘SIO' page when a notification pops up. A new subscriber has signed up for a yearly membership but didn’t submit a request for their welcome gift. “Hmm, strange.” He clicks on the new subscriber’s user name ‘WildGoddess11'. He hums again. “OK wild Goddess, let’s get you set up shall we.” He shoots a private message to the user.

‘Hello WildGoddess11,

Welcome to my page. I hope you find everything you’re looking for here. I noticed however that you didn’t send in a request for your personal gift. Please be sure to choose from one of the two categories I work in and submit before midnight. I look forward to creating content for you.

All the best,

Gloss93'

Yoongi waits a moment to see if he gets a response. Just as he is about to sign off, his computer pings with a new message.

‘Hello Gloss93,

Thank you for the warm welcome. I imagine though, that you do this for all your customers. I know I was supposed to submit a request but honestly, I had a bit of an unconventional one. I was hoping you would accommodate me. I don’t normally surf these sites but you come highly recommended from a very close friend who says you are someone who is incredibly trustworthy. I’ll gladly pay extra. Please let me know if you’re interested. Thanks.

WildGoddess11'

Yoongi chuckles at the message. “Unconventional. What the hell does that mean?” He mumbles to himself. He hums again, sending a message back.

‘WildGoddess11,

I don’t normally take special request. I prefer to stay within the realm of what I normally offer. I am however, intrigued and willing to hear what you have to offer.

Gloss93’

He sits back in his chair, waiting, the anticipation killing him. He shakes his leg frantically, looking at his phone, then putting it down, then picking it up again. Finally, after what feels like forever, his notifications rings. He clicks it immediately.

‘Gloss,

I want, nay, need you to feed a darker side of me. Complete anonymity, 1000 dollars a month for sexual asks. Photos, videos, and phone calls. We don’t need to show our faces, since I can see that’s not your thing and honestly, I prefer that as well. I also ask that you not provide this service to any other clients. I can be a little jealous lol. Like I said you came highly recommended so I trust that we can work together. It won’t change my subscribing to your page if you say no. I understand if this isn’t for you. So, if you do say no, I am down to just submit a normal request. Let me know if you need time to think it over. Thanks.

WildGoddess'

Yoongi’s eyes widen as he reads and re-reads the message in front of him. He doesn’t know how to respond. He has never wanted to delve into this type of thing. Feeling confused, he picks up his phone and calls Hobi. “Hey, I need your advice.” “Sure. What’s up?” “I got a new subscriber today and they are making an unconventional request and I don’t know what to do because I mean, I’m intrigued. No one has ever come to me with something like this before.” “What was the request?” “Sexual asks. 1000 bucks a month.” “Get the fuck out of here! Are you serious? I didn’t think... I mean… I… that’s nuts!” Yoongi’s brow furrows. “Hobi, something I should know? Did you give out my code?” “Uh, no, it’s just that’s a lot of money, I was taken aback. You should just do it.” Yoongi sighs. “I don’t know. I don’t want to get caught up in this type of shit.” “Look, you wouldn’t have called me if you weren’t thinking about it already. Just trust me, you won’t regret this.” Yoongi grunts in frustration. “I better not.” “I’m excited for you.” Yoongi chuckles at Hobi’s comment. “What does that mean Hobi?” “Uh…. nothing…. just that it’s cool you know. 1000 bucks, I don’t even make that much!” Yoongi decides not to question further, instead thinking about Y/N. “Hey, how did the gift go over with Y/N?” “Aw man, she thought it was a prank from me. She freaked! Then she comes out of her room wearing it! Anyway, great choice because she looks great in it.” “She put them on for you?!? What the fuck?” Yoongi whines. “Not for me. In spite of me. Anyway, I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.” “Yeah alright.” Yoongi hangs up and types a response. “Here goes nothing.”

Y/N:

Your computer pings with a notification and you jump out of your bed and to your computer. It’s finally a response from Gloss.

‘WildGoddess11,

Let’s do this as a one-month trial period. Like I said before I don’t like to do this type of thing but I have to admit you are the first person to really pique my interest. I’ll allow you to submit me a special request and I’ll send it back to you via private messaging. I encourage you to review some of my past videos, perhaps it’ll motivate you. Happy hunting.

Gloss93'

You squeal, excited that he accepted your request. You had already been looking over his page, making yourself horny watching his hand kink videos and ASMR. He was hot and you had never even seen his face. You had already known exactly what you wanted to ask for. You bite you lip, typing your request.

‘Gloss,

Now that we are nice and established, let’s move past the niceties. I would like to request a dual hand kink/ASMR of you masturbating, I want to hear you moan my name while watching you grasp your sheets for me. Please send soon. My greedy little cunt can hardly contain herself. Also, please send me your information so I may transfer your extra funds. Happy stroking.

WildGoddess'

You bite your lip, excited to see what he has in store for you. “Y/N, I ordered Chinese. You hungry?” Hobi calls to you from behind the door. “Coming.” You respond, closing your laptop and walking out to have dinner with Hobi. “So, did you use that code I gave you?” Hobi ask. “Uh, yeah actually I did.” Hobi’s brows shoot up. “And, how did it go?” “I don’t know what you mean. It’s pretty basic honestly, although not having to pay the yearly membership frees up my funds. Who is this guy anyway? Why do I feel like you’re up to something?” Hobi shrugs. “No one special. Someone I know from the site. Trust that I always have your best interest in mind.” You nod. “Well, I’ll keep you posted on how it goes.” You inform him. He smiles wide, shoving food in his mouth. Your phone vibrates and you look to see a notification from ‘SIO'. You hop in excitement and click it to see a message from Gloss.

‘WildGoddess,

I think that’s the hottest thing I’ve ever read. I’m hard just imagining what your greedy little cunt looks like. You can send me money to my PayMo account, same username, Gloss93. I look forward to working with you. Look for me in your inbox soon enough. Goodnight.

Gloss'

“Good news?” Hobi wiggles his brows at you. “Shut up Hobi. Why don’t you explain to me why you bought that lingerie?” Hobi chews quickly. “Woah, woah, woah. That wasn’t me. I am not your secret admirer ok, I actually voted against you getting that gift.” Your eyes pop open. “Yoongi, that piece of shit!” “What,” Hobi chuckles nervously, “No, who said anything about Yoongi. I didn’t say anything about Yoongi.” Hobi turns pale, eating quickly. “You know Hoseok, you’re a terrible liar. I’m going to kill your friend.” “Come on Y/N, he really likes you. He may be a little, I don’t know, bad, with his approach but he has the best intentions. Give him a chance.” You roll your eyes. You did have a huge crush on him but giving in now would be bad. You just weren’t ready. “Hey, since you’re now a part of ‘SIO’ you wanna come to the annual meet and greet bash they throw?” “Hell no. Isn’t that just some orgy fest?” Hobi laughs loudly. “Well, it can be don’t get me wrong but it’s more so to gain more subscribers and get to know creators you already follow.” “Will Gloss be there? Like does he go?” Hobi’s eyes light up. “Gosh Y/N, you’ve only been subscribed an hour and already you’re addicted huh? He has that effect on people. It’s his voice, I think. Unfortunately, he doesn’t go to any events, he likes anonymity.” You pout a bit. “Well, then, no. I’m good thanks.” “Suit yourself.” You both finish dinner, helping each other clean up. You head off to your room, your phone vibrating. You look to see a notification from ‘SIO’, you plop onto your bed, hands shaking as you open the message.

‘WildGoddess,

This is my first time doing this so I hope it’s good. I must admit I rather enjoyed myself. I hope you will too. Again, welcome to my page. I look forward to working with you. Talk soon.

Gloss’

You grab your headphones, plug them into your phone, and click on the video attached to the note. The camera is pointed at what you imagine is his bed. The sheets are a crisp white. You swallow, your eyes frantically scanning your phone screen when his hand suddenly appears, gliding up the sheet, followed by strained sigh. You feel yourself strain a bit, trying to hear every little thing. Soon, you can hear the sounds of his stroking, the lurid fapping filling your ears, followed by his soft pants. The fingers on his left hand spread wide across the sheet. “Fuck, this feels so good.” You moan at the deep silky sound of his voice filling your right ear. He chuckles into the left ear and you feel a chill travel down your spine causing your back to arch. You focus heavily on the wet sounds filling his room and your ears. He’s stroking so fast now, his breath quickening, pants becoming more desperate. He is sure to move between mics, stimulating both of your ears.

You don’t know when but your hand has made its way into your panties and you whimper touching your swollen bud. “God, I hope you’re touching yourself,” He soon says into your left ear, “filling your tight little cunt up, pretending it’s me. I bet your pussy is so wet right now.” He sniffs into the right ear and you moan loudly into your room. “I bet that cunt smell delicious.” “Fuck!” You cry out, shoving two fingers into your clenching core. You begin to thrust in and out of yourself in conjunction with the delicious sounds of his stroking. He growls into your left ear. “I’m going to cum soon.” Moving to the right ear. “Is that what my greedy WildGoddess wants, my hot cum all over her?” “Yes, yes,” You pant, swirling circles around your bud before returning to your sopping hole, “Please come for me Gloss, please.” You watch as he grips the sheets hard, his veins bulging wildly from the top of his fist. His breath quickens and a relieved groan escapes his throat “Fuuuuuck!” He moans. His climax shooting from off camera onto his clenched fist. The sight causing your cunt to seize wildly around your fingers, your orgasm hits you in a hard crash. You cry his name into the room, your eyes tightly shut, only white bubbles floating in your vision. You soon open your eyes, coming down from your high, the sounds of him giggling gorgeously into the right mic. You look at your phone to see him release his messy fist from around his sheet. “Till next time my WildGoddess.” He declares, shutting the camera off.

Yoongi:

Yoongi rubs his eyes, exhausted from staying up late, hoping to hear from his “WildGoddess” about his video. She never replied, leaving him stuck in his own head all night, tossing and turning. “ICED AMERICANO.” The Barista shouts. Yoongi walks over grabbing his drink with a nod and heads over towards campus kicking himself for agreeing to meet Hobi this early. “Wow! You look like shit.” “Thanks, Hoseok. Not all of us can be a ray of sunshine like you.” “How was last night?” Hobi inquires, wiggling his brows. Yoongi shrugs. “What are you talking about?” “Oh, uh, nothing. Just seeing what you were up to.” Yoongi chuckles, sipping from his drink. “Nothing, I stood up all night, thinking about that goddamn subscriber. She never responded to her video.” Hobi looks at Yoongi with wide eyes. “You sent her a video?” “Yeah, like I do all my subscribers. A welcome video but hers was a little more tailor made if you will. Anyway, she never responded if she liked it or not. I guess I shouldn’t care. She would’ve complained if she didn’t like it.” Hobi nods, then tilts his head, then shrugs. “She liked it.” Yoongi eyes him suspiciously. “Yeah, I guess. Like they say, no news is good news.” “Hey, are you going to go to the Annual meet and greet for ‘SIO' this year.” Hobi asks. Yoongi scoff. “No, I never go to that shit.” “Well, maybe now that you got this mysterious stranger, you know, you would be more interested in it.” “No, we are keeping things anonymous. Just like I like it.” Yoongi clips.

“Well, if you change your mind, I’m going to be going this year.” “You go every year Hoseok, nothing has changed.” Yoongi says. “So, did you happen to take any pictures of Y/N in her gift?” Yoongi asks now. Hobi laughs heartily. “I was in shock at how amazing she looked to be honest. I mean, her ass, AMAZING!” Hobi shakes his head. Yoongi groans, jealous that he wasn’t there to witness her in all her glory. “Why didn’t you drag her along with you today to collect your schedules and pay your school tab off.” “Honestly I don’t know how I can face her after last night.” Yoongi’s ears perk up. “Why? What happened?” Hobi freezes in place, “Uh because of the lingerie thing of course. Why? What did you think?” Yoongi licks his lips, watching Hobi shuffle into the office of the main building. “Hobi, you’re a terrible liar. Did something happen?” “No, of course not. Honestly, it was that. I’ve never seen her so, uh, nude. Yeah, that’s it.” He walks to the secretary at the front desk and asks to pays his student fees. “Cash please and may I have a receipt?” “Sure thing.” She takes his money and prints him a receipt. “Where to now? Breakfast?” Hobi turns to face Yoongi. “How about your place?” He drawls. Hobi chuckles nervously but nods.

Y/N:

You were a panting mess after your third time getting off to the video Gloss sent you. You had been happy when you heard Hobi leave this morning, knowing you could be as loud as you wanted to be. Now, however, you dropped down on your side unable to moved, your battered pussy throbbing, finally allowing your eyes to flutter shut. You feel the edge of your bed shift and you moan unhappily. “You look spent, one would assume you had company last night.” Your eyes pop open to find Yoongi smirking at you from the foot of your bed. You jump up suddenly, tucking your phone and headphones away. “What the fuck are you doing in my room Yoongi?” You seethe, watching him as he eyeballs everything in his surroundings.

“I brought you lunch. Thought you might be hungry.” “OK well, you don’t need to be in here for that so please go.” You wave him off. He smiles seductively, looking at your exposed legs, then up your oversized shirt to your face. “Do you always wear a garter to sleep?” He tilts his head to the side, biting his lip. You look down and quickly tuck the belt under your shirt. “Is that your business Min Yoongi?” He shrugs, dropping his eyes to the ground, bending forward with a suck of his teeth. “They look better with these on.” He whispers, licking his lips. You yank your thong from his fingers, and shove him away. He chuckles, getting up now and moving towards the door. “Has anyone ever told you that you are the most beautiful woman in the world?” “Get the fuck out Yoongi!! HOBI! Come get your friend.” He pouts at you and walks out of your room. You release a sigh, moaning into your hand as you feel your juices coat your cunt. “Fucking Min Yoongi.” You whisper to yourself.

Yoongi:

Yoongi hits refresh for what feels like a hundred times on his ‘SIO' account and nothing. He releases a sigh, whining when Hobi comes around and punches him in the arm. “What was that for?” “Why do you insist on torturing her?” Yoongi can’t help but smile. “She was still wearing the lingerie, well some of it anyhow. Did she have someone over last night? She looked…I don’t know. Satisfied.” Hobi scoffs and shakes his head nervously. “She hasn’t been with someone in a long time. Now please let’s eat.” “I mean you’d tell me, right? If I was wasting my time?” “Oh, so are we now admitting that we have feelings for her and are actively pursuing her?” Hobi snips. Yoongi shrugs. “I’ve always said I had feelings for her. I just never thought I was her type. Not being the point, I don’t want to get involved if she’s involved already.” Hobi shakes his head again. “She’s not. I’d tell you.”

Yoongi sighs in relief, standing straight when Y/N exits her room to join them. She is fully dressed now causing Yoongi to chuckle. “You didn’t have to get all dressed up for me you know. I am all for oversized shirts and no panties.” Yoongi comments. She flips him the bird and walks over to fridge for a beverage. She joins them at the table and they begin to dig into the food. Yoongi watches as Y/N pulls out her phone, stretching a bit as she types, trying to see who she could be texting. “Did you have company last night?” Yoongi inquires. She looks up from her phone at him and smirks. “And what if I did Yoongi?” He shrugs. “Then they are lucky.” She simply laughs but Yoongi feels the sting of jealousy at the thought. He watches as she looks down at her phone. “He would’ve had to crawl up the side of the building because I was right in the living room the whole night.” Hobi interjects. Yoongi’s phone buzzes suddenly and he pulls it out of his pocket. He sits up straight, seeing a notification from SIO.

‘Gloss,

My god! That may have been the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. Is it possible for me to think you are so fucking hot without me ever having seen your face? You may or may not have me sprung. I mean, if beating this pussy 3 times can be considered sprung…. what do you think? Sprung off you?

WildGoddess.’

Yoongi chuckles in shock at the message, looking up suddenly at Y/N. She munches away at her lunch and soon realization hits Yoongi. His heart races and he takes to writing a response to confirm his theory.

WildGoddess,

3 times huh? Someone must be spent today. I’m honored. You should be too; They say third time is the charm. I look forward to making all your filthy dreams come true. Sprung on you too?

Gloss.  

Yoongi hits send, waiting anxiously. Suddenly, Y/N’s phone buzzes and he feels the bile rise in his stomach. He shoots a look at Hobi who locks eyes with him in confusion. Yoongi gives him an angered look and Hobi’s face drops. Yoongi turns to face Y/N when he hears her giggle. “Thanks for lunch guys. I gotta go.” She walks off to her room staring at her phone. Once out of ear shot, Yoongi slams his fist on the table making Hobi jump. “What did you do Hoseok?” “I…. I don’t know what you mean?” “Don’t fuck with me. Is it her? The new user? Is it Y/N?” Hobi drops his fork, looking to her bedroom to ensure the door is closed. “She needed a distraction Yoongi.” Yoongi growls at Hobi’s confirmation, dropping his head in his hands. “I didn’t want to connect with her this way. We have to tell her.” Yoongi gets up and walks towards her room. “No, no, no,” Hobi almost shrieks, yanking Yoongi back to the table, “Look you said you like her. She likes you. She’s just scared ok. This is the perfect opportunity for the two of you to get to know one another without any pressure involved.” “No, only the pressure of a 1000-dollar payment every month.” “Ok, I didn’t anticipate that. Just don’t accept the money. She doesn’t know it’s you she’s talking to. Take her on some dates, then spill the beans but don’t do it now. She’ll kill us both!” “The longer I wait the worse this is Hobi. It’s betraying her trust.” “No, no. Look you’re getting caught up on semantics. I know her best ok. It’s better if she slowly comes out of her shell and this is the perfect way to do that. Trust me. I know what I am doing.” “If this goes south Hobi and believe me it will. I’m throwing you under the bus, better yet, driving it over you.” Yoongi declares in a huff, storming out of the apartment before he changes his mind.

[k-llama-llama]

Boba Run

Stray Kids AU: 9th member

Tori x Stray Kids

Tori needs a little helping hand while working on her solo debut

A/N:  Please check out my PATREON (patreon.com/kllamallama) for exclusive posts you can’t get anywhere else, as well as lots of other cool benefits!

Requests are OPEN and your feedback is still greatly appreciated!

Masterlist and other Follow Me links in bio!

It wasn’t working.

She’d been trying to arrange the intro instrumental for close to three hours, but no matter what she did, it just didn’t sound right. It was her own fault for saying that she could do it, though really JYP was the one who vouched for her. She’d produced her own song, after all. How much trouble could a single, 30 second intro piece be.

A lot of trouble, as it turns out.

Tori dragged another music bar into the delete box, resolving to rebuild that one from scratch. Everything she came up with was either way too soft to dance to, or to noisy and loud to fit with the rest of her song.

Producing had never been her strong suit. It had taken her months to finish working on her debut song, and even then, she’d practically demanded that JYP revise the final version to make sure it was okay. She didn’t have the skills, or the confidence to pull this off without outside help.

Tori pulled out her phone, checking the time. It was one in the morning, which meant it was too late to call Zoey. The older girl would answer, and would probably be willing to drop everything to come and help her, but Tori didn’t want to disturb her. She was enjoying a precious week off and it felt unfair to drag her away from Seungcheol just to help her. She supposed she could call Changbin or Jisung, but she felt bad for making Changbin get out of bed and though Jisung would help, he would probably just bully her the whole time.

Tori resolved herself to emailing JYP and admitting defeat. This entire experience was just showing her that she was in no way ready for any sort of solo debut, so she’d let him do the intro song and then after this release, she’d never attempt to do anything solo again.

 She had just opened the email folder on her laptop when a knock sounded at the door.

“Come in!” She called, assuming that it was some employee telling her that she needed to leave because it was way too late.

Instead, it was Chan who pushed open the door. “Can I come in?”

Tori sat up a little straighter. “Sure. What are you doing here?”

He stepped inside, setting two bags on the floor. The first held two cups of bubble tea, and the second smelled delicious, though she couldn’t see what was inside of it.

“I knew you were here late, and I thought you could use a break.” He said with a smile, removing one cup of milk tea from the bag. “Here.”

Tori took the cup and the straw, poking it through the top. “Thanks. I’ve been in here for a while.”

“Eating….” Chan bent down and picked up a tiny gold wrapper. “Caramels?”

“Maybe.” She shrugged.

“You should have gone to get something to eat.” He scolded.

“I have to finish this intro piece by tomorrow.” She explained. “And it’s really not going well. I don’t want to leave until I’m done.”

“You still need to eat.” He frowned. “Here, I brough you sandwiches.”

He held out the bag, and Tori realized that the delicious smell she’d been smelling had been sub bread.

Chan took out his own sandwich, watching as she took a bite of hers. It was exactly how she liked it, and she was a little embarrassed by how ravenously she ate it. Chan kept glancing at her laptop, looking at the music program she had open.

“You’ve been working on that all night?” He said finally.

Tori snorted. “Yeah. Pathetic, isn’t it?”

“It’s not pathetic.” Chan shook his head. “You have a lot there.”

“The problem is that I can’t make it sound good.” Tori sighed. “I was about to email JYP and admit my failure.”

She said it with a smile on her face, but Chan could see how bothered she was by it.

“Can I give it a try?” He asked.

Tori looked up from her sandwich in surprise, as if asking him for help had never even occurred to her. “Really? You’ll help me?”

“Sure.” He set his sandwich down. “Let’s do this thing.”

“Thank you!” Tori moved her chair out of the way so that he had access to the computer. He spent a few minutes listening through what she had, trying to gauge what she’d come up with so far.

“How bad is it?” Tori whispered, taking another sip of her tea.

“It’s not bad.” He promised. “Just a little….all over the place. But it’s not hard to fix that.”

“Not hard for you, maybe. I was in the middle of an existential crisis when you walked in.”

“What? Why?” He seemed surprised.

“Because it wasn’t going well. And I was realizing that just because I wrote one song, doesn’t mean I’m good enough to handle a whole solo debut.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Tor.” Chan frowned. “You’ve never written an intro piece, of course it would stress you out. But you’re going to learn today, and then you’ll be able to do it in the future. Everyone has to start from somewhere.”

“The first song I wrote completely by myself is going to be my solo debut. Don’t you think I’m kind of jumping into the deep end.”

“Nah.” He shook his head, giving her a smile. “Sounds about right for you.”

“Haha.”

“I’m serious, Tor. I know the song is going to be great. If you need a little help here and there, that’s fine. Because honestly, it wouldn’t be fair if you just started by being perfect at everything.”

“Thanks.” She said quietly. “I think I needed to hear that.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” He clapped his hands together once. “Now, let’s get this thing done so that you can have an awesome debut, and we can both go home and get some sleep.”

“Sounds like a good idea.” Tori reached for Chan’s sandwich. “Do you mind?”

“No, eat up.” He laughed. “That’s why I brought extras.”

[miserablesme]

The Les Miserables Changelog Part 6: 1987-1997 West End variations

Hello, everyone! This is the latest edition in my attempt to chronicle all of the musical and lyrical changes which the show Les Miserables has undergone over the years. This time, we're going through the production-specific differences between the official 1987-1997 libretto and the West End productions of the era.

Compared to American productions, the West End production was NOT afraid to improvise a little relative to what the books said. It was simultaneously willing to hold on to things the official libretto abandoned, and to add in details not done elsewhere. (Incidentally this reportedly was true with the staging as well as the lyrics, though this blog is focused on the latter.)

It’s worth noting that the show went through many iterations throughout the decade. For the sake of coherence I’m separating this post into each variant.

Oh, and because this entails many different versions of the musical, and most of these lyrical changes can be seen and discussed in other posts of my blog, this post will be significantly less thorough than most of mine regarding my thoughts on the changes. With all that cleared up, let us begin!

Circa 1987-1988 variant

During “On Parole”, the official lyrics of the innkeepers have since 1987 been:

My rooms are full

And I’ve no supper to spare

I’d like to help a stranger

All we want is to be fair

The West End production maintained the original version instead:

My rooms are full

And I’ve no supper to spare

I’d like to help you really

All I want is to be fair

"At the End of the Day" reverses a line. Officially Valjean usually sings:

What is this fighting all about?

Will someone tear these two apart?

Instead, the West End show has him ask:

Will someone tear these two apart?

What is this fighting all about?

The 1987 libretto had these (solo) lyrics to “The Runaway Cart”:

Don’t go near him, Monsieur Mayor

The load is as heavy as hell

The old man is a goner for sure

It will kill you as well

The West End version used the original ensemble sequence instead:

(INDIVIDUAL)

Don’t go near him, Monsieur Mayor

There’s nothing at all you can do

(ENSEMBLE)

The old man is a goner for sure

Leave him alone

“Who Am I?” still used the original “This innocent who bears my face” instead of “who wears my face”. It also still featured Valjean’s “You know where to find me!” declaration officially written out of the libretto.

Prior to "Master of the House", a customer still declares "Hell, what a wine" instead of the revised "God, what a wine".

In the “Waltz of Treachery”, Thenardier still asks “Have we done for your child what is best?” instead of the official post-Broadway line which changes “your child” to “her child”. Additionally, Valjean still sings "a friendlier sky" instead of "some friendlier sky".

Then, at the end of the number, at least some performances use a slightly different line from the norm. Usually Little Cosette asks:

Will there be children

And castles to see?

However, this era of the West End production used a version later borrowed by the Official Symphonic Soundtrack as well as the 1992 UK tour:

Will there be castles

And children to see?

I can’t help but wonder what this edit was supposed to accomplish. Is it supposed to show that Cosette is optimistic and innocent enough to prioritize castles over making friends?

The opening of "Look Down" interestingly used a middle ground between Gavroche's original and rewritten lines. Originally he declares:

This is my school, my high society

From St. Denis to St Michel

We live on crumbs of humble piety

Tough on the teeth, but what the hell?

If you're poor, if you're free

Follow me, follow me!

Officially in the 1987 libretto, he instead proclaims:

This is my school, my high society

Here in the slums of St Michel

We live on crumbs of humble piety

Tough on the teeth, but what the hell?

Think you're poor? Think you're free?

Follow me, follow me!

However, the West End production at the time has him sing:

This is my school, my high society

Here in the slums of St Michel

We live on crumbs of humble piety

Tough on the teeth, but what the hell?

If you're poor, if you're free

Follow me, follow me!

The revised opener combined with the original closing part! A fascinating combination in my book.

As in the original version, the Beggar Woman cries "You give 'em all the pox" instead of just "Give 'em all the pox".

The 1987 libretto featured the following exchange as an ensemble piece:

When's it gonna end?

When're we gonna live?

Something's gotta happen now or

Something's gotta give

However, the West End production used the original solo lines:

When's it gonna end?

When're we gonna live?

Something's gotta happen, dearie

Something's gotta give

Fortunately, the generic students' lines have been replaced with Marius and Enjolras as usual. However, the beggars' lines in between their dialogue is in its original form. Instead of the revised lines:

(BEGGARS)

See our children fed

Help us in our shame

Something for a crust of bread in Holy Jesus' name

(SOLO BEGGAR)

In the Lord's holy name

(BEGGARS)

In His name, in His name, in His name

The original ones are used:

(BEGGARS)

Something for a meal

Something for a doss

Something in the name of Him who died upon the cross

On the cross, come across

On the cross, come across, come across

"The Robbery" has mostly been adapted into its revised Broadway form, with one small difference. Instead of the following revised part of Thenardier's dialogue:

Save a life, spare a sou

God rewards all the good that you do

He instead sings the following:

Save a life, spare a sou

God will see all the good that you do

This is presumably a relic of the number's pre-Broadway form, in which Thenardier's plea includes the line:

How d'you do? Spare a sou

God will see all the good that you do

I kind of like this unique variant actually. It strikes me as a little more authentic regarding what an actual religious person would say. My experience is that the omniscience of God seems to be a higher priority in most devout Christians' minds than the ways he will reward them. Of course, Thenardier is just putting on an act and he himself prioritizes nothing before reward, so perhaps the standard lines make more sense.

For some inexplicable reason, Javert's "Why on earth did he run?" later in "The Robbery" is instead sung as "Why the hell did he run?" This feels extremely out-of-character; Javert is usually not one to use Biblical terms casually.

"Stars" mostly takes on its usual post-Broadway form, with one difference. Instead of singing:

He knows his way in the dark

But mine is the way of the Lord

And those who follow the path of the righteous shall have their reward

He removes the final conjunction, making the lyric:

He knows his way in the dark

But mine is the way of the Lord

Those who follow the path of the righteous shall have their reward

Ironically, I find the original "but" a little awkward while thinking the "and" is better when present! Not a huge deal though.

Enjolras' name continues not to be stated during the instrumentals before "Red and Black".

During "Red and Black", Grantaire still sings "We talk of battles to be won" instead of the slightly revised "You talk of battles to be won".

"The Attack on Rue Plumet" uses the slightly different original "to watch a cat and his father" line instead of the official "to see a cat and his father".

Then, at the climax of the number, instead of the revised sequence of lines:

You wait my girl, you'll rue this night

I'll make you scream, you'll scream alright!

Leave her to me, don't wait around

Make for the sewers, go underground

The original sequence was used:

Make for the sewers, don't wait around

Leave her to me, go underground

You wait my girl, you'll rue this night

I'll make you scream, you'll scream alright!

During "One Day More", Javert sings the original "One day more to revolution" instead of "One more day to revolution" as is standard.

In the opener to Act Two, Grantaire sings the pre-Broadway "Some will bark, some will bite" from the pre-Broadway show instead of the revised "Dogs will bark, fleas will bite".

After "Little People", Grantaire similarly keeps his original "Better far to die a schoolboy than a p'liceman and a spy instead of the post-Broadway "What's the difference? Die a schoolboy, die a p'liceman, die a spy".

The Second Attack retains a lot of pre-Broadway lines. Instead of this post-Broadway opening:

(ENJOLRAS)

How do we stand? Feuilly make your report

(FEUILLY)

We've guns enough but ammunition short

(MARIUS)

I will go into the street

There are bodies all around

Ammunition to be had

Lots of bullets to be found

The original one is used:

(ENJOLRAS)

How do we stand? Feuilly make your report

(FEUILLY)

We've guns enough but bullets running short

(MARIUS)

Let me go into the street

There are bodies all around

Ammunition to be had

Lots of bullets to be found

Then, instead of this post-Broadway sequence:

(ENJOLRAS)

I can't let you go, it's too much of a chance

(MARIUS)

And the same is true for any man here

(VALJEAN)

Let me go, he's no more than a boy

I am old, I have nothing to fear

The pre-Broadway one is used:

(ENJOLRAS)

I can't let you go, it's too much of a chance

(MARIUS)

And the same can be said for any man here

(VALJEAN)

Let me go in his place, he's no more than a boy

I am old and alone and have nothing to fear

The remainder of the scene is performed in its usual post-Broadway form.

The "Final Battle" number uses the more hectic original pace as opposed to the less wordy post-Broadway lyrics. Instead of these current lyrics:

(ENJOLRAS)

Let us die facing our foes

Make them bleed while they can

(COMBEFERRE)

Make them pay through the nose

(COURFEYRAC)

Make them pay for every man

A slight variation on the original lyrics is used:

(ENJOLRAS)

Come on my friends, though we stand here alone

Let us go to our deaths with our face to the foes

(COMBEFERRE)

Let 'em pay for each death with a death of their own

(COURFEYRAC)

If they get me, by God, they will pay through the nose

Notice how the line now uses "the foes" instead of the original "our foes". Everything else is consistent with the original sequence, though.

"Dog Eats Dog" is mostly the same as its post-Broadway revision. However, Thenardier still sings "Here's a little toy" instead of the revised "Here's another toy".

Additionally, after the number Thenardier still doesn't shout Valjean's name.

From this point onwards, the musical takes its standard post-Broadway form.

Circa 1988-1989 variant

This version is almost identical to the last, with a couple exceptions. During "Who Am I?" Valjean now sings the official "wears my face" line as opposed to the original "bears my face" lyric.

The post-"Waltz of Treachery" scene is now performed in its standard "children and castles" format instead of the "castles and children" variant.

"Stars" now borrows a line from its Australian version. Instead of "And so it has been, and so it is written", Javert now sings "And so it must be, for so it is written". Interestingly, though, the rest of the number is the same as it was in the 1987-1988 version of the West End show.

In "One Day More", Javert finally sings the post-Broadway "One more day to revolution" instead of "One day more to revolution".

Thenardier now shouts Valjean's name following "Dog Eats Dog", as was already the case in other productions.

Circa 1989-1991 variant

This version of the show is mostly a mix of the 1987-1989 variants as well as the official post-Broadway libretto, with a few unique variations added in. The innkeeper scene retains its pre-Broadway form, and "At the End of the Day" retains its swapped-lines variants.

"The Runaway Cart" now uses its standard post-Broadway lyrics. However, the lines "The load is as heavy as hell" and "It will kill you as well" are performed as ensemble pieces instead of the scripted solo lines.

"Who Am I?" retains Valjean's "You know where to find me" line... usually. I also have one 1989 recording where Peter Karrie uses the Australian "You will find me at the hospital St. John" line... yet Karrie himself can also be heard stating the usual line in other performances. Very odd...

The "Hell, what a line" original lyric is still sing during the preamble to "Master of the House".

Thenardier still sings "your child" instead of "her child" during the "Waltz of Treachery".

Gavroche's opening to "Look Down", the Beggar Woman's "Give 'em all the pox", and the beggars' "See our children fed" lyrics have all finally been adapted into their official post-Broadway selves. However, the "When's it gonna end" sequence retains its pre-Broadway form.

"The Robbery" maintains the unique "God will see all the good that you do" variation. However, Javert's "Why the hell did he run?" has fortunately been reverted to "Why on earth did he run?"

"Stars" has now fully adapted into its Australian format. Instead of the original "Fallen from grace, fallen from grace" Javert now sings "Fallen from God, fallen from grace". The "but" has also been removed from "Mine is the way of the Lord".

"Red and Black" now uses the official "you talk of battles" line. However, Enjolras' name still isn't declared during its opening instrumentals.

"The Attack on Rue Plumet" retains all of its pre-Broadway variations.

In "One Day More", Javert now sings "I will join these little schoolboys" instead of "We'll be ready for these schoolboys".

The opening barricade scene in Act Two has now switched to the official post-Broadway "Dogs will bark, fleas will bite" lyrics.

Grantaire's post-"Little People" line now takes its post-Broadway "What's the difference?" format.

The "Second Attack", the "Final Battle", and "Dog Eats Dog" are all performed identically to the 1987-1989 West End versions.

Circa 1991-1992 variant

This is very close to the 1989-1991 version, with a few differences. The "Waltz of Treachery" finally has Thenardier say "her child" instead of "your child".

The "Final Battle" now uses the official post-Broadway lyrics.

"Dog Eats Dog" finally uses the official "Here's another toy" line instead of "Here's a little toy".

Moreover, the Epilogue now uses the Australian "I'll lead you to salvation" lines instead of the original (and still official at that point) "And lead me to salvation".

Circa 1992-1993 variant

This variant is similarly very close to the 1991-1992 one, with the following exceptions. "At the End of the Day" finally uses its official lyrics.

Valjean no longer declares "You know where to find me!" after "Who Am I?"

Then, "A Little Fall of Rain" takes a cue from the 1992 UK tour. It now opens with the same annoying interlude as opposed to the usual opening music.

Later, in another acknowledgement of the UK tour, after "Night of Anguish" instrumentals of "A Little Fall of Rain" as opposed to "Drink with Me" play.

Gavroche's death scene now uses the "ammunition short" and "I will go into the street" lines instead of the original ones. However, the rest of the number is still in its pre-Broadway state.

Circa 1993-1994 variant

This version borrows elements from the 1992 UK tour while still keeping a lot of features of previous West End versions.

The innkeeper scene still takes its pre-Broadway form.

"Fantine's Arrest" has put in Fantine's slightly awkward "I won't have you" line from the UK tour in place of her usual "No, not at all". Some performances also switch Bamatabois' original lyrics:

You've got some nerve, you little whore

You've got some gall!

It's the same with a tart as it is with a grocer

The customer sees what he gets in advance

It's not for the whore to say "yes sir" or "no sir"

It's not for the harlot to pick or to choose

Or to lead me a dance

Into his UK tour lines:

You've got some sauce, you ugly slut

You've got some gall!

What's become of the world when a whore from the gutter

Can suddenly get such ideas in her head?

Your job is to lie on your back for your betters

This hideous harlot believes she can choose

Who she takes to her bed

However, this didn't seem to be the standard at this point. Many performances still used the original lyrics.

"The Runaway Cart" has been entirely redone so that it takes its UK tour format. Instead of these original opening remarks:

Look at that

Look at that

It's Monsieur Fauchelevent

Don't approach

Don't go near

At the risk of your life

He is caught by the wheel

Oh the pitiful man

Stay away

Turn away

There is nothing to do

There is nothing to do

The UK tour ones are used:

Look at that

Stay away

You'll be crushed by the cart

Don't approach

Don't go near

It'll fall on you too

Oh my god, who is that?

It's Monsieur Fauchelevent

He is caught by the wheel

Oh the pitiful man

There is nothing to do

As in the past in the West End, the solo lines in the "Don't go near him..." sequence become ensemble ones.

Finally, Fauchelevent's original "You come from God, you are a saint" takes its UK tour "You saved my life, you come from God" form.

"Look Down" still uses the pre-Broadway "When's it gonna end..." sequence.

In "The Robbery", Thenardier also still claims "God will see..." instead of "God rewards...".

As with past variations in the West End, "Stars" takes its Australian/UK tour form.

Interestingly, despite all the UK tour adaptations which were being added to the West End show, the opening sting prior to "Red and Black" is not heard (despite the fact that during this era, it was being added to more or less every other replica production worldwide!)

Additionally, Enjolras' name still doesn't appear during the number's opening instrumentals.

However, Enjolras' line:

To rally the people

To call them to arms

To bring them in line

Is replaced with the UK tour version:

To rally the people

To fire their blood

And the bring them in line

Also, the rewritten lyrics to "Lamarque is Dead" do appear.

The pre-Broadway lyrics in "The Attack on Rue Plumet" are still present.

Javert continues to sing "I will join these little schoolboys" in "One Day More".

As was the case in the last edit, "A Little Fall of Rain" and "Night of Anguish" use the musical variants introduced in the UK tour.

Gavroche's death scene is finally in its official post-Broadway form 100% of the way through. After this point in the show, everything is identical to the 1991-1993 show.

Circa 1994-1995 variant

This is almost identical to the 1993-1994 version of the show. The one difference I'm aware of: Thenardier finally sings "God rewards..." instead of "God will see..." in "The Robbery".

Circa 1995-1996 variant

A few differences are present here relative to the 1994-1995 version. First off, "Lovely Ladies" takes a cue from the UK tour. Instead of this group scene:

(SAILORS - simultaneously with prostitutes' lines)

Lovely lady, fastest on the street

Wasn't there three minutes

She was back up on her feet

Lovely lady, what you waiting for

Doesn't take a lot of savvy just to be a whore

Come on lady, what's a lady for?

(PROSTITUTES - simultaneously with sailors' lines)

Lovely ladies, lovely little girls

Lovely ladies, lovely little ladies

Lovely girlies, lovely little girls

We are lovely, lovely girls

Lovely ladies, what's a lady for?

There's this exchange between a prostitute and a pimp:

(PROSTITUTE)

God I'm weary, sick enough to drop

Belly burns like fire

Will the bleeding ever stop?

(PIMP)

Cheer up dearie, show a happy face

Plenty more like you here

If you can't keep up the pace

(PROSTITUTE)

Only joking, dearie knows her place

Note that this is NOT identical to the UK tour version. The prostitute sings "will the bleeding ever stop" instead of "never stop", and the pimp refers to "you here" instead of "you, dear".

"Fantine's Arrest" now has solidified the UK tour lyrics as the default ones; the original lyrics seem to no longer be used in the UK.

In the "Waltz of Treachery", Thenardier no longer just sings "Let's not haggle for darling Cosette". No he refers to "darling Colette", with Mme. Thenardier quickly saying (not singing) her actual name and Thenardier singing it in response. I'm not the biggest fan of this joke myself. It makes Thenardier look like nothing more than a big idiot, when I think there should be a degree of cunning to his character.

The student finally shouts Enjolras' name during the opening instrumentals to "Red and Black" now.

Fortunately, the little opening overture before “A Little Fall of Rain” has once again been removed. Everything else is the same as the last version (and yes, that includes the original pre-Broadway lines that haven't yet been converted to their rewritten forms!)

Circa 1997 variant

This version is almost identical to the last one. However, Javert is back to singing "We'll be ready for these schoolboys" instead of "I will join these little schoolboys" in "One Day More".

An interesting change also occurs during the "Final Battle". Though the lines are the same, Enjolras now sings the final word, "free", instead of shouting it.

And that just about sums this part up! If I missed anything feel free to let me know, as my goal is to create a changelog as thorough and complete as possible. I plan on making more parts in the near future covering all the changes that have been made in the show up until this day (discounting concerts). Any feedback and constructive criticism is very much appreciated.

As a side note, both for this project and my own enjoyment, I want as complete a collection of Les Miserables audios as possible. I already have most of what’s commonly circulated, but if you have any audios or videos you know are rare, I’d love it if you DMed me!

Until the turntable puts me at the forefront again, good-bye…

[anironsidh]

AnironSidh 2020 fic and moodboard masterpost

I didn’t write very much this year between the general mess of 2020 and senior year, but here’s what I did manage to write this year (sorted by fandom). If there’s no chapter count for a fic, it’s a oneshot

Queen/BoRhap

Just Keep Losing My Beat || jimercury Hogwarts au. Freddie Mercury/Jim Hutton (jimercury), Brian May/Roger Taylor (maylor). Hogwarts au, found family, maylor, jimercury, i will post more soon. Chapters: 7/?

Summary: Hogwarts is not ready for Freddie Mercury. Not even close.In which Brian May is trying to be successful, Roger Taylor is just confused, John Deacon doesn't want the spotlight, and Freddie Mercury just wants to find somebody to love and make his place in the world.

(Love Of My Life) Don't Leave Me || hardzello (for borhap summer cast event) for the @queenandborhapevents and written for @johndeaconshands. Hardzello, fluff, happy ending, love confessions, first kiss

Summary: Joe's worried about what kind of future he and Ben may have once the movie is no longer keeping them in the same place, and he may find something more waiting for him to ask. - Written for johndeaconshands on tumblr for the BoRhap Summer Event 2020

Love Was Such An Easy Game To Play || tyob 2020 gift fic for xofunghoul / @heybuddy-drabbles. This fic was for the @queenandborhapevents two years of borhap event. hardzello, flashbacks, fluff, picnic, proposal.

Summary: A look back at how Ben and Joe figured things out, got together, made a home with each other, and in which Joe has just one question in mind. - A gift fic for xofunghoul and the two years of borhap exchange on tumblr (modded by @maz-zello and myself). Prompt was for hardzello, fluff, domestic moments. I think I did pretty well, let me know what y'all think in the comments!

Phandom/Dan and Phil

For The Dreams of Youth || phandom reverse bang 2020 parent!phan au for the @phandomreversebang 2020. art by @akikaji and beta @rainbowchristy. Dan/Phil, fluff, parent!phan Chapters 2/3

Summary: Dan isn't quite sure about a kid of his own. It hadn't felt like a possibility, not until recently. He may find that he's more ready than he expected. Dan and Phil's journey towards parenthood told through a series of videos to one day hand over to their child.

I Wonder When We're Gonna Make It || phandom reverse bang 2020 (1980s au), for the phandomreversebang 2020. Dan/Phil, queen references, 1980s au, period typical homophobia, happy ending, angst with fluff. Chapters 1/2. art by @luisaloveshoney and betaed by @i-might-leave-soon / @eilidh 

Summary: When a new neighbor moves into the town that Daniel Howell has lived in his entire life and finds his safe spot in the town's vineyard, he will challenge Dan's view of himself and his town. Soon enough, they find themselves in an attraction nothing like Dan's ever known and one that those around them cannot understand. This may be Dan's only chance to escape and truly be himself. - A fic for a phandom reverse bang 2020 prompt in which Dan and Phil live near a vineyard, sneak grapes, drink stolen wine, and fall in love despite the times (1980s). Also, in which I project my love for queen onto Dan, because Muse doesn't exist yet and because I can.

I Ain't Gonna Face No Defeat a good omens au for the @phandomreversebang 2019, masterpost and art by @hiwatari-art here. Dan/Phil, good omens au, post bookshop scene, Crowley!Dan x Aziraphale!Phil. betaed by phanandpenguins/ @ringsandbutterflies

Summary: Daniel Howell has been stationed on earth for six thousand years, his only constant companion Phil Lester, an angel of Heaven. When his angel is nearly taken away from him he begins to realize just how important Phil is to him. -the bar scene in ep6 of good omens where Aziraphale is discorperated and Crowley is in the bar mourning him- Please be sure to check the art by hiwatari! Thanks to phanandpenguins for their beta work!

Good Omens

Songs Full Of Sad Things || Ineffable Husbands Raphael!Crowley for the good omens big bang. Crowley was Raphael, eventual happy ending, angst and fluff, wip. Chapters 8/15

Summary: -Crowley and Aziraphale are quite happy in their new Tadfield cottage five years after Armageddon, or rather, the armageddon-that-wasn't. They've settled into a routine with each other and the Them. Everything seems fine. Anathema and Newton are even getting married soon. -And then everything Crowley has built up for the last 6,000 years comes tumbling down with a visit from Gabriel and the revelation of his past, of how high he Fell. He hadn't wanted to remember his past as an archangel. Not now. His past is told bit by bit while those brought together by the almost-end of the world must pick up the pieces. - aka Crowley was the archangel Raphael, Gabriel's a dick, and Aziraphale just wants to help. Also, Warlock WILL fight anyone who hurts his Nanny, even God.

As You Wish || Good Omens/Princess Bride au, inspired by @anotherwellkeptsecret. Princess bride au, another one I promise i will get back to, eventual happy ending. Chapters 2/?

Summary: Warlock is sick and Nanny Ashtoreth reads him a story of romance and swordfights, perhaps inspired by a certain angel she knows. In which Aziraphale is Buttercup and in love with the handsome Crowley, a farm boy. When he is reported dead, killed by the Dread Pirate Nutter, Aziraphale falls into despair and eventually agrees to marry the devious Prince Gabriel. He is kidnapped by a con artist, Beelzebub, and their two henchmen in order to start a war. Crowley, who survived his rumored attack, rescues him from the trio. They must now free Aziraphale from Gabriel's clutches if they wish to have a new life with each other. Inspired by anotherwellkeptsecret on tumblr (penumbra on ao3)

Before I Lose You || gomens holiday swap gift for @gregayy and the Good Omens Holiday Exchange. post-canon, fluff with a sprinkling of angst but there’s barely any tbh, ineffable husbands, (technically for the gomens 2019 holiday swap, but it was posted on the third of january so I’m including it)

Summary: Armageddon has been averted, and yet their troubles are far from over. Heaven and Hell want their revenge for a Plan foiled. Crowley knows this far too well, knows he has far too little time for what he's wanted for so many centuries... Aziraphale. Believing they may not live to see another sunset, they take a step usually taken by humans. They've only got this one chance, don't they?aka they get married, believing they may not have another chance to, as requested by gregayy/scmnz

Can't You See || good omens ficlet for @wheeloffortune-design. Ineffable husbands, ficlet, happy ending, first kiss

Summary: Crowley being brave - wheeloffortune-design on tumblr. Based on this art, I think I wrote this instead of studying for a midterm lmao

Hobbit/LOTR

By His Side || Happy Hobbit Holiday 2020 Bagginshield fic for KeyWolf25888 for the @haveahappyhobbitholiday 2020 exchange. Gen, M/M, Bilbo/Thorin, happy ending, fluff, bilbo stays in erebor fic

Summary: Bilbo Baggins is just staying in Erebor for now, just until he knows every member of the Company will be alright after the Battles, but his feelings for a certain dwarven king may change his plans just slightly.Or, a Bilbo Stays In Erebor fic as requested by KeyWolf25888 for the Have A Happy Hobbit Holiday 2020 exchange! I haven't done much Hobbit fic in a while, but it was nice to get back to these characters. 

Reylo

you're nothing, but not to me || reylo fix-it. Rey/Ben Solo, poe/finn, tros fix it fic bc i was mad after watching that movie, I promise I’ll get back to it soon I just need to work out the plot (and it could also use a beta, if anyone’s interested) Chapters 3/?

Summary: The aftermath of the victory. They may have won, but what comes next? What happens when the battle is won, when the fight is over, but a former enemy is brought into their midst? What happens when Rey brings a near-death Ben Solo back with her? The remaining Resistance is not willing to forgive him easily for what he has done as Kylo Ren. It will not be easy, but it must be done.

Moodboards

Phandom/Dan and Phil

Phandom Reverse Bang 2020 Pride Au Moodboard, fics by @judearaya and @counting2fifteen Summary: Dan goes to pride for the first time, traveling to London on his own. He hasn't come out to his family yet, just a random person online called amazingphil. At pride, he sees a man (Phil) on a float and decides he has to talk to him. Eventually (maybe after a few times hanging out/dates) he finds out that Phil is amazingphil. The moodboard for my prb 2020 pride au, with fics by counting2fifteen and judearaya!

Queen

Royal Maylor au honeymoon in Japan

Queen Iliad au with hardzello, maylor, and deacury

Brian’s Birthday moodboard

Maylor Hamilton au

Jimercury Sad moodboard (hurts like hell)

Reylo

Titanic au

Moodboard for You’re Nothing, but not to me

Reylo good omens au

Moodboard for the Heartbreak Prince, fic by the wonderful @kylorenvevo (Thea)

Reylo Frankenstein au, idea partially by @indefinitelyindia

[princeasimdiya12]

Talentswap-DR1 Kids with V3 Talents

So I came across a post made by @mythgirlimagines who gave some headcanons that featured the kids from the first game with talents from the V3 game. I really enjoyed the idea and I began to think of my own headcanons for each kid and how their lives would be different with their new talents. So with their permission, I was able to come up with this. I hope you like it!

Sayaka Maizono as the SHSL Adventurer

As a kid, she spent all her time at home since her dad was always working and her mom passed away.

She found comfort in watching TV programs that showcased different countries and cities and loved seeing the people having fun together.

Wanting to find happiness like those people, Sayaka began to secretly wander around her home city and partook in sight seeing and trying new foods.

She also practiced interacting with the people and asking them different questions.

After getting enough practice, she began traveling around different parts of Japan before making her way through the Asian countries followed by the rest of the globe.

She vlogs her travels by uploading pictures and videos of the food, fashion and festivals in each place she visits.

The popularity of her vlogs has resulted in her gaining contracts with multiple tourist companies who want her to visit their cities to boost tourism.

Mukuro Ikusaba as the SHSL Pianist

Mukuro doesn’t really care about playing the piano. She only took it up because her sister insisted that she do something useful with her life

She spent most of her freetime practicing the piano and would perform for hours on end to see how far she could go before exhausting herself.

She’s won multiple awards and critical acclaim for her performances but they mean nothing to her if they didn’t come from her sister.

When Junko decided to become SHSL Despair, Mukuro began to channel her talent to her sister’s instruction.

Her music can manipulate the emotional states of anyone listening to her and increase it based on the melodies she performs.

Ex. A somber tune can make people into sobbing messes while an aggressive song can make listeners become hostile and violent towards each other.

Junko would use her sister’s talent to either influence new followers or to dispose of unlucky victims.

She mainly wears a slim black dress when she performs on stage.

Leon Kuwata as the SHSL Tennis Player

Just like in canon, Leon doesn’t like his talent. Particularly the heavy training that’s involved.

He mainly uses his tennis player image to become a celebrity.

This involves staging photo sessions with him posing in his tennis uniform or performing cool moves for the camera.

He mainly performs solo and the few times that he partakes in a doubles match is if his partner can boost his image.

This has resulted in him getting into arguments with them because of his lazy nature.

He ended up in multiple flings with various fangirls which tarnished his image as a celebrity.

His wardrobe consists of a white polo shirt with orange stripes, shorts and a red sweatband. 

Chihiro Fujisaki as the SHSL Maid/Butler

(As to avoid potential discourse, I’m going to gloss over their backstory and headcanon them as genderfluid)

They find cleaning and organizing rooms to be mentally relaxing.

They take pleasure knowing that a clean house or room will become much refreshing and comforting to their client(s).

Most people are surprised that someone as small and fragile like them is capable of doing multiple chores and duties in a single day.

They prefer to work behind the scenes or with as few people watching over them.

Chihiro often has difficulties when it comes to making public announcements to large groups.

Some days they dress up in maid uniforms while other days they dress up as a butler.

Their specialty when it comes to cooking is making perfect creme brulee. 

Mondo Oowada as the SHSL Artist

As a professional artist, Mondo can make a variety of artworks.

His area of specialties include sculptures and murals.

Despite making tons of money with his artworks, he secretly dislikes the rich people who buy his pieces due to their snooty personalities.

He initially hated his talent because he was hoping to be good at something that was more manly or cooler.

His big brother was the reason for why he became an artist to begin with.

Having been Mondo’s main parental figure their whole lives, Daiya wanted to ensure that his brother would have a secure career that he could be proud of and that he wouldn’t have to risk his life for. Just like he does as a gang leader.

After his inevitable death, Mondo took his art career more seriously to honor his big brother.

He wears cargo pants with a white tank top and has a paint splattered bandanna around his neck.

Kiyotaka Ishimaru as the SHSL Aikido Master

He took up aikido believing it to be an ideal practice of mastering self control

He devotes most of his freetime to studying the different forms of aikido aswell as the religious aspects tied to the skill.

At his old school(s) he became popular for taking down various delinquents who would terrorize his defenseless classmates. But what really moved everyone was how Kiyotaka invited each delinquent to join him so that they can master self control and change their lives for the better.

He ended up becoming the president of a large club dedicated to aikido.

Despite his popularity, Kiyotaka is still very awkward at friend making as all he can discuss is his general studies and aikido. 

All of his relations with his peers are purely professional.

Hifumi Yamada as the SHSL Anthropologist

He started out by watching foreign cartoons and dramas and wondered how different they were compared to the ones shown in Japan.

This led to him binge watching multiple foreign shows while taking notes and analyzing the cultural norms displayed in each show.

His hard work paid off when he landed a spot on a TV show where he showcased his research and the popularity for each show in their respective country.

He does most of his research in his hometown but sometimes he’ll travel to specific cities either to showcase new research or to analyze a TV show/movie production.

He dreams of being remembered as a hero who was able to connect every culture and bring world harmony.

He often reaches out to Sayaka in the hopes that they could do a travel collab together but she politely denies his requests using various reasons.

Celestia Ludenberg as the SHSL Inventor

She uses a steampunk lolita ensemble whenever she makes public appearances and speaks with a Victorian accent.

She’s able to maintain her composure when she’s in an environment with an exceptionally hot temperature.

Celestia takes pride in being able to take apart the most mundane of household appliances and rebuild them into something better and praiseworthy. 

Several companies have already commissioned her to make service drones.

She’s willing to make any invention that’s requested provided that the client can afford her extravagant prices.

There’s rumors that she’s been secretly making inventions that can brainwash people and turn them into her obedient servants.

She’s openly expressed interest in studying Kyoko’s existence but the robot makes it clear that she doesn’t want to be involved.

Sakura Oogami as the SHSL Entomologist

While she underwent extreme training thanks to her family’s profession, she has caused conflict among them for refusing to continue the fighting legacy in favor of her true passion.

She’s earned the nickname “The Mountain Woman” on account of how she’s always spotted hanging out in the mountain range studying bug life.

Sakura earned publicity by researching every individual insect found in Japan and how they interact with one another in their ecosystem.

Sometimes she allows the more dangerous insects and arachnids to bite/sting her so she can develop an endurance towards their toxins.  

She also does environmental activism by stopping companies from illegally destroying the forests.

In her spare time, she enjoys meditating in the middle of the woods or by waterfalls.

Aoi sometimes asks if Sakura could lend her some of her butterflies for her magic shows.

Junko Enoshima as the SHSL Supreme Leader

She’s a cult leader. Plain and simple.

Using her analytical talent, Junko can analyze any person who’s unfortunate enough to talk to her.

By lending her ears, she gives them the impression of a person who genuinely cares about them and their problems no matter how pathetic they may be.

Most of the people who are drawn to her are often poor unfortunate souls who have been hurt by society or loved ones.

Wanting to fight boredom, she used her initial members for manipulation games and mental torture to see how powerful her charismatic personality can be.

She uses her findings to establish herself as a prominent figure of the 21st century.

A figure that can guarantee dramatic change if her subjects are willing to follow her commands.

When she decides to become the SHSL Despair, she uses an alternate persona via Monokuma to broadcast messages of despair and hard truths to the listening audiences.

And to keep Hope’s Peak and the police from catching on about her plans, she makes it so that she runs an exclusive club for intellectual and high class individuals. 

Makoto Naegi as the SHSL Astronaut

Despite being average, he wanted to show everyone that it’s possible to accomplish the extraordinary even if you’re ordinary.

He loved the idea of going to space and seeing the beauty of the stars and the Earth down below.

Ever since middle school, he’s been training his body so he can be prepared for space travel.

He’s studied different star systems but he has difficulties when it comes to mechanical engineering and repair.

The closest he’s been to space was traveling in ships that reach high enough for him to experience zero gravity.

Despite being the youngest member of the space program, all the staff members adore him for his bright personality and his eagerness when it comes to completing missions.

In his free time, he tries to learn English and Russian should he be assigned to work with astronauts of the US or Russia.

Kyoko Kirigiri as the SHSL Robot

Her creator was her grandfather Fuhito who wanted an heir for his engineering business.

Her design was modeled after his young granddaughter who had died alongside her mother.

Having familiarized herself with the ongoing grudge between Fuhito and Jin, Kyoko can’t help but wonder if her creation was born out of spite.

She’s willing to follow along with her grandfather’s wishes but she does question if her actions are because she was programmed to follow them or because she herself wants to do it.

She’s built with a titanium body armor that can endure any extreme forms of damage along with providing her with super strength. 

Given the right resources, she can also hack any computer system and gain access to any information found in said system.

Jin had conflicting feelings about allowing Kyoko to enter Hope’s Peak due to her bringing up feelings of anguish for his lost daughter and needed to be pushed by his dad to accept her.

She prefers to stay in the background analyzing the actions and behaviors of her classmates but she will show no hesitation in using force to resolve potential conflicts. 

Byakuya Togami as the SHSL Cosplayer

In this reality, he lost his chance of becoming the Togami Heir and was banished from the family.

He still wanted to make a name for himself and decided to pursue a career that no one in his family would cross paths with him in: cosplaying.

Initially, he was depressed for a month after losing his big chance and immersed himself in anime shows to drown out his depression.

In a way, he found inspiration by watching the protagonists who continued onward and decided to make new paths for themselves despite failing to achieve their initial dreams.

If he wanted to be like them, then he could try dressing like them.

He only watches anime that has an enriching fantasy setting or has historical themes

Using what was left of his money, he funded a public fashion show that displayed the elaborate costumes of famous anime characters.

He became a big hit and was given sponsorships to produce more cosplays. 

He has a love/hate relationship with his talent. On one hand, he prides himself in being the best at cosplaying. But on the other, he hates it because it’s a reminder that he lost his right to be a Togami.

Touko Fukawa as the SHSL Detective

Having grown up reading mystery novels, Touko became familiar with the cliches and expected tropes found in each given mystery.

Before going freelance, she served as a secretary for a private detective.

When looking over his cases, she pointed out the familiar patterns for each case while explaining her reasonings behind her deductions. She ended up being right 9 times out of 10.

The PI decided to give her simple cases that involved family drama and cheating spouses to test and expand her knowledge.

Eventually she would be hired for more extreme cases involving drug rings and murder.

Because of her abusive childhood and upbringing, Touko still has Dissociative Identity Disorder and created Genocider Syo as a coping mechanism to protect her.

But rather than killing people like a cliche yandere, Syo shows up whenever Touko ends up cornered or captured by dangerous criminals.

While she has no idea what gloomy got herself into, Syo has no issue with thrashing the low lives who would threaten her existence.

This has often led to the criminals becoming seriously injured or even being killed as a result. When it comes to the latter, Syo takes special care to ensure that it looked like an accident or that the criminal died by someone else’s hand.

This unfortunately resulted in Touko having a bad reputation as a loose cannon detective.

The detective decided to cut ties with Touko to maintain his business but ensured to tell her that she has what it takes to be a true detective.

She still thinks badly of others and is quick to point out the negative qualities associated with that person.

Yasuhiro Hagakure as the SHSL Assassin

The reason he got into assassination was to own up for his mistakes.

When he was 13, his gambling habit led to him and his mother losing their house and having to live on the streets.

Wanting her son to learn responsibility, Hiroko called in an old friend who had ties with the local yakuza and requested that he give her son a job.

Unbeknownst to the two, the only job that the friend could offer was being an assassin. And wanting to make his mom proud of her boy, Yasuhiro accepted the job without telling Hiroko.

After years of brutal and life threatening training, Yasuhiro became the clan’s go-to hitman and was handsomely rewarded every time he successfully got rid of a clan enemy or someone who couldn’t pay their debts.

His preferences for killing involve drugging the victims with slow but lethal poisons or attacking them when they’re alone. His appearance requires him to be extra cunning as to avoid being detected.

Eventually he was caught by the authorities but was contacted by Hope’s Peak who learned about his unusual career. 

He was given two choices: he could go to jail for his murder or he could attend HP so that his talent could be studied while also receiving the school’s protection. Even a moron like Yasuhiro knew what choice to take.

When he went to tell his mom the good news, he found that she disappeared without a trace. Some say that Hiroko left out of shame when she found out about her son’s crimes, others believe that she was kidnapped and killed by revenge driven enemies. Regardless of the rumors, Yasuhiro has a gut feeling that she’s still out there and he intends to find her to make things right.

He uses the SHSL Fortune Teller title to keep his assassin career a secret.

He still maintains his carefree and ditzy personality both because no one would ever expect him of being a professional killer and so that he can keep pushing forward in life without falling into complete despair.

His baggy clothing and dreadlocks make it easy for him to hide knives or bottles of poison.

Aoi Asahina as the SHSL Magician

Ever since she was a little girl, Aoi loved everything about magic.

She read different types of fairy tales and myths so she can learn more about it and use them for her shows.

When she first started, she would perform tricks for her brother Yuta and would ask for his input regarding each performance and how she could improve herself.

Her costume is based on the classic witches mixed with a magical girl theme. (Think along the lines of Little Witch Academia).

Her magic shows put alot of emphasis on spectacle and enchantment so the people watching could fall in love with the concept of magic.

When she has the time, she bakes her own special donuts and offers them to a certain number of lucky participants.

Despite her friends and family encouraging her to participate in competitions, Aoi doesn’t feel that it would be right to use her magic tricks to compete for publicity.

She wants her magic shows to be an inspirational thing that brings happiness and wonder to the people watching.

She enjoys performing for children and often performs at schools, hospitals and orphanages.

The trick she’s best at performing is the underwater escape challenge.

[ellewritesathing]

Serpent Heart

Summary: Being Sabrina’s fraternal twin had its upsides but lately the downsides were starting to get to you. You’d made a plan to deal with it, and the only question now was if you were going to let Caliban get in the way.

Masterlist

Word-count: 1.6k+

A/N: hey guys so this is a little different from my usual fluffy clay boi but @hecatemacbeth7 requested this eight years ago and they’ve been so patient with me so i thought i’d post this today and then the next part of Faking It next week 💕 (also let me know if you want this to be a series?i don’t think i’m as good at angst as i am fluff but ya girl can try)

One of your earliest memories from after your parents died was listening in on a conversation between your aunts and one of their guests. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence - you and Sabrina would slip into one of your hiding spots and stay quiet until everyone left - but this time was different. This time their guest was a seer.

She saw right through the two of you.

Luckily, she was much more benevolent than the other guests your aunts brought around. She laughed at your efforts to squirm away and asked if she could give you each a reading. Hilda wasn’t so sure if that was a good idea but Zelda encouraged any and all dabbling in witchcraft.

All she had to do was touch Sabrina’s cheek to tell her that her strong (though sometimes unfounded) sense of right and wrong would get her into trouble and that she would go through many trials before achieving greatness. She was a cat, blessed with nine lives and cursed with curiosity.

One little touch was all it took for her to tell you that you were a snake. You’d grow cold in the shadow of someone close to you before striking out on your own. Ambitious and cunning, you would always find your way into the sunlight.

The others forgot about that afternoon in a few weeks, too busy with other responsibilities or new obsessions, but you never forgot.

Almost ten years later and her words echoed through every step you took and every word you spoke. Would things have been different if you’d never met the seer? Maybe not, but maybe you’d feel differently about the plan that started forming when you went to Hell.

It all started when Lilith’s right to rule was challenged and Sabina - always quick to act, not so quick to think - made her claim to the throne. The same throne that would have been yours if you were born seven minutes earlier. The same throne that Caliban would later challenge her for.

Caliban was a tricky thing to understand. If you were a seer, maybe you'd know whether or not to trust him.

He wanted the throne, that much was clear, but he seemed to have taken an interest in Sabrina - then again, everyone took an interest in Sabrina. Harvey took an interest in her, Nick took an interest in her, and now Caliban had. It wasn’t that you were short of admirers, but that the only ones you took an interest in always preferred Sabrina.

And it’s not like you blamed them. Despite the way it may seem, you loved Sabrina. She understood you in a way that no one else did, even if she didn’t understand everything, and she loved you just the same. She was your other half, your better half.

That’s why you never put up a fight when it came to her; because at the end of the day, you cared about her happiness more than your own. You’d help her rule if she beat Caliban, and you’d figure out some harebrained scheme if she lost. It’s just the way that things were when it came to the two of you.

In the end, Sabrina got all the glory and you did all the work. Sabrina was the beautiful assistant that everyone looked at while you conned them out of their hard-earned cash. They all thought Sabrina was the magician anyway, so maybe it was time for you to debut your solo act.

So you let Caliban and Sabrina battle it out in Hell knowing all the while that you’d take the throne from whichever one of them won. Obviously, it would be easier if Sabrina won but you could handle Caliban, even if he had the hordes of hell behind him. After all, what was a demon to a Morningstar? A boy made of clay to an angel?

That kind of reasoning was why you didn’t mind when Caliban started following you around. He never spoke to you anyway; all he did was watch and keep his distance. You let him look at you all he liked because he didn’t realize that you were looking right back. He was curious. You learned all his little tricks in the week or so that he spent following you, and then you set a trap.

You went about your day just like it was any other, but went to the woods after rehearsals for the musical. Caliban didn’t come out of the shadows as soon as you expected, so you started drawing out other things to keep busy. You’d done it dozens of times before, and the whisps were always the first to come out.

They froze everything they touched in the already-cold forest, but you didn’t mind the cold. They danced across your skin and soon you were dancing and singing along with them. The sun went down while you had your fun, and Caliban came out with the moon. Pretending not to notice, you spiraled into him during one of your turns.

“Mind if I cut in?” Caliban asked, holding out a hand to steady you.

“That depends,” you said with a smile. You used your hand to open up his palm. “Do you know how to dance?”

“I’m not opposed to learning from a pretty little thing like yourself,” Caliban said.

Either he was a quick study or someone had already taught him. You didn’t mind either way. It was better than having him stepping on your toes, plus it felt nice to have his hand in yours and on your waist. The way he looked at you also sent some very annoying butterflies in your stomach into a flurry.

When the rest of the stars started coming out and the whisps were fading, you asked, “So are we going to keep dancing until the sun comes up or are you going to tell me why you’ve been spying on me?”

Caliban smiled and stared into the trees as he thought. All he said was, “You’re more difficult to understand than your sister and your friends.”

“How so?”

“Your friends are all very human with very human concerns. Sabrina included.” Caliban looked down at you and stopped moving. “But not you. You understand Hell, you don’t fear it.” He lifted a hand to your face and moved some hair from the side, watching where his skin made contact with yours before settling back on your eyes. “Tell me, Morningstar, is there anything you fear?”

Caliban started leaning in and your breath hitched. He smiled before pressing his lips to yours, and for a second you smiled too. For a second, you let him kiss you and hold you close. Once that second was over, you remembered that he was a manipulative demon who was using you to get the Throne.

You bit down on his lip hard enough to draw blood and pushed him away. Caliban fell to the ground at the same time that the metallic taste flooded your mouth. You spat it out and knelt next to Caliban to keep him in the dirt with an icy hand. The cold radiated out from your fingertips and across his chest, but he didn’t fight it.

“You want to know why I’m not afraid of anything in Hell?” you asked, pushing down a little bit harder. “I'm not afraid because I’m the one they should be afraid of.”

The ice was snaking up Caliban’s neck but all he did was stare at your hand. “So you know a few tricks," he said. "I don’t think Hell is going to be very afraid of an ice princess.”

“They will be.”

You used your other hand to push some curls from his forehead.

“You’re willing to cross your sister in order to do it?”

“If I have to,” you said. He was silent for a few seconds so you continued, “Sabrina gets everything, have you noticed that? I never used to mind when, but now I want more.”

“And what is that you want?” Caliban asked.

“Earth.” You pushed down just a touch harder on his chest and watched the ice spread across the rest of his body. “You and Sabrina can fight it out in Hell - I’ll pick up the pieces of whoever’s left - but Earth is mine.”

Caliban was unusually quiet as he thought it over, realization spreading over his face as he did. Giving up your claim to the throne, helping Sabrina with the challenges, all the so-called secret trips to Hell … it all dawned on him at the moment it took you to freeze him to that spot on the forest floor.

“I could help you,” Caliban said in a quick voice. “We could make an alliance; I become King of Hell and you can do whatever you please here on Earth.” He looked back down at your hand on his chest for a moment before looking into your eyes again. “Or I could tell your friends about this clever plan of yours.”

“And who would believe you?” you asked. “It would be just like you, Caliban, to turn sisters against one another. You’d do anything for the throne, right?”

Caliban clenched his jaw and moved to break out of the ice that encased his body. His only problem was that he underestimated you, but that was everyone’s first problem. The ice was too strong for him to break it.

You leaned down with a smile on his face. “I’ll come back for you once this all over,” you said, ignoring him when he asked what you were doing. You pressed your lips to his and kissed him while the frost spread over his face. Pulling away, you gave a sad smile to his frozen form. “One day.”

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[palmett-hoes]

Hi, I really loved your post with the monsters as Birds of Prey! Was wondering if you had any thoughts on the Foxes as Marvel or Mcu characters? I feel like I could see Dan as Carol Danvers and Andrew for sure is Jessica Jones, idk about the rest.

oh wow old post!!

haha unfortunately i’m not really a comics person so i don’t feel like i can really give the best analysis possible, but i have seen most of the mcu movies and bits and pieces of the netflix show so i’ll try my best. also im using dc characters too bc i want to

1. Dan: I think your instinct with Dan as Captain Marvel is spot-on (at least uhhh,, based on the movie lol sorry comics ppl). Her direct, forceful powers and fighting style are definitely reminiscent of dan’s no-nonsense leadership approach. similarly the themes of overcoming sexism and acceling in a male-dominated industry in the captain marvel movie is pretty much the same as dan’s story establishing herself as the first female exy captain (tho sports is way more valid than the military). plus there’s a lot of emphasis on love and friendship between women that dan is ALL about. also lashana lynch would be a god tier dan wilds fc. Dan could also def have that lawful good Okoye from Black Panther energy. Loyal, disciplined, no-nonsense leader. no powers except discipline. no hair. also danai gurira in 2012 with the dreads and the sword and the cape on TWD was definitely part of my middle school sexual awakening

2. Kevin: Aquaman. this is based pretty much exclusively on the fact that jason momoa is my #1 kevin fc and also that Pasifika kevin is phenomenal and mandatory, actually. otherwise i think he has a decent amount of stick-up-the-ass cyclops energy. or dick grayson nightwing energy but i don’t have any evidence for why. kinda looks like him tho

3. Andrew: andrew gets the most characters bc he’s my favorite. i think ur jessica jones instincts are absolutely correct, both in her storyline (i only watched the first season) and her powers. i’ve seen some powers au and the tendency seems to be giving andrew like,, psychic powers or the like, and i don’t really agree. andrew is a very direct character. he’s pragmatic, he confronts problems head on, and he doesn’t muck about in details. to me this really translates best into physical powers like super strength that help u big punch straight thru all ur problems. also i def think andrew would be not just a solo hero but a mercenary (or a detective) because he’s not altruistic enough to be a standard vigilante. he doesn’t care enough about other people to hang out on rooftops all night waiting for Crime to occur. there’s a price for that.  which brings us to the NEXT andrew hero: deadpool. maybe in personality more of a drugged andrew but the superpowered mercenary is really a perfect fit for andrew. also, healing powers have a decidedly tragic poetry to them on andrew. already he’s self-destructive, if he had a healing factor his concern for his own well-being would be so beyond rock bottom it’d be in the earth’s core. even worse when you remember that with a healing factor, as opposed to indestructibility, you still feel all the pain. which brings us to Wolverine and X-23, who have the same thematic points as deadpool but are much more of a personality match and they have knife hands, which i really think andrew would appreciate. ending that sadness train and onto another tho, andrew’s aesthetic and Vibes fit the Winter Soldier just SO well (just that movie tho, not really civil war or anything past that) and a reinterpretation of the captain america story using the twinyards would be incredibly interesting. and finally, one last hero that would work really well for andrew: rogue, only remove the angst around not being able to touch people, andrew would love that. one touch and their comatose? baller. don't fucking touch him.

4. Matt: Shazam. I didn’t see the shazam movie but my dad and brother did and they said it was very funny and all the trailors looked like it had a lot of fun himbo energy and i really think that fits. in terms of matching himbo disaster energy i think i’ve heard good things about comics hawkeye (not mcu). thor?

5. Aaron: Mr. Fantastic. now this might be a stretch but aaron is a character who uses a skin-deep veneer of anger to cover the fact that he’s actually quite pliant and bends to other people’s wills. and he’s a doctor or w/e. he could alse be like,, antman. he’s smart right? hank pym not paul rudd. katelyn can be wasp

6. Seth: Arm Fall Off Boy. no i will not elaborate.             ..... ugh fine, but i'm using my favorite piece of superhero media of all time: x-men evolution, the one where they're all teenagers in public high school. seth can be lance alvers/avalanche who’s a bit of a jerk and has a lot of issues with authority and has a rivalry with cyclops very reminiscent of seth with kevin, but still there’s the recurring theme that he’s lashing out because of low self-esteem and a bad situation and he’s a surprisingly sympathetic character who i’m very fond of. his power is earthquakes but i think the name makes that pretty self-explanatory

7. Allison: Iron Man. cocky, bitchy, and rich rich rich. sounds like allison to me. then to elevate it a level higher: emma frost, rich bitch extraordinaire. also if allison had telepathic powers she would be unstoppable. plus one more bitchy, morally-gray blonde (but chaotic this time): Harley Quinn

8. Nicky: Okay so I do wanna give a quick shout-out to Northstar, the first openly gay comicbook superhero, who’s a speedster which I’d actually say fits Nicky pretty well. However, if i had to choose a superhero to represent nicky in presence and powers it would have to be Jubilee from x-men (... from what i’ve heard lol. i’ve never actually consumed any of her Media hahaha anyway) she’s a joyful, energetic presence and her powers are setting off fireworks which i think is a good balance of nicky being a supportive cousin-parent AND a chaotic train wreck garbage trash man. also gonna throw in johnny storm for a cheap 'flaming' joke

9. Renee: Thunder/Blackbird from Black Lightning bc she’s a fufkin lesbian lol. (i don’t watch the show but i do follow nafessa williams’s tag). now the fr ones i’m gonna do together because to me they have the same Vibes so i chose them for the same reasons. Wonder Woman and Storm who to me have the same  reserved, impartial, regal energy. honestly ethereal and somewhat otherwordly, and quite literally goddesses. also op as hell.  black widow and her “red in my leger” looking for redemption story also fits thematically.

10. Neil: okay lazy answer first: the flash or quicksilver. get it? because they run fast? and neil run too? yea i like to think i've proven myself to be better than such a surface level interpretation but worth the mention ig. so for srs now, mystique and her shape changing powers would be an interesting interpretation of neil's identity issues, but i wanna push it a step further. nightcrawler would actually be possibly the MOST interesting hero to apply to neil 1. because powers still very movement go fast place to place 2. because of the thematic focus on neil's unusual looks and the lengths he goes to hide them, very much in line with the way nightcrawler will use a hologram-projector in order to look human, yet in both cases it's only a surface-level illusion, and 3. his parentage. here, mary would be mystique, which i also think works very well considering mary seemed to be the far more effective chameleon on the run than neil, and also fits with her place as a morally grey character, as mystique herself is often a villain or an antagonist, with her own agenda and shadowy motives. then nathan matches well with nightcrawler's father: azazel, a literal demon, and also where kurt gets his appearance. it's a shockingly coherent narrative between the three of them. then, to also give neil some powers that aren't contingent on his fucked up geneology and rather on his own merit and abilities, Black Canary and her sonic voice parallel the way that neil began to anchor his identity and take ownership over himself through his voice and his sick roasts

and 1 extra, wymack: batman, on account of his altruism, his dedication to second chances, and his many, many adopted children

---

anon, ik it's been a sec since you sent this, so i hope it gets back to you. i had a fun time with it and it prompted like,,, 7 different au s that i'll never write

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #398

“freedom is just man’s invention, & a soldier is just a slave”

What do you do the most when you’re online? Watch/listen to YouTube. Do you have a bobblehead? No. Have you ever spent your birthday alone? No, that sure would suck. Were you afraid of heights as a child? Actually no, but NOW I kinda am. Have you ever had a lead role in a play? No. Would you ever take a solo road trip? No, that sounds super depressing and lonely. Do the mountains fascinate you? Of course! So much history built into a magnificent, awe-inspiring piece of nature. Have you ever been insulted or called names by a significant other? Wow, no. I wouldn't tolerate that for a second. What’s your favorite movie battle scene? The fight between Simba and Scar is very powerful imo. Have you ever been to a same-sex wedding? No, but not because I'm opposed. I'd love to go to one and be the photographer. What’s your favorite Marvel movie? Probably one of the Spider-Man films. I don't remember which it is, and I don't want to spoil it by explaining what I do recall. Did you have a Walkman when you were a kid? No. What’s the most difficult experience you and a significant other have gone through together? Being long-distance when we really wanted each other's physical comfort. Have you ever attempted to pick a lock? Did you succeed? Yes, because Ashley locked her keys in the car. I don't remember if it worked, actually. Have you done the Bratz doll challenge for YouTube? No. I've seen a couple people do it, though, and it's both cool and creepy. Does the hospital in your town have a good reputation? NOOOOOOOOOOOO. What is your favorite nickname that you’ve had? "Bee" from Megan. Have you ever gotten a professional massage? No. I would be SO uncomfortable. If you had braces, do you wear your retainers still? No. :/ Well, the one you put in, anyone. I have a metal one behind the front row of my bottom teeth. If you had braces, have your teeth moved since you got them off? Yes. Do you know anyone personally who’s lost a child? I know way too many people who have suffered miscarriages. Do you take your medications regularly? Yes. What’s one luxury item you wish you could afford? An actually nice house. What’s your favorite thing to do in a swimming pool? Just kinda casually swim around. Have you ever been abused by a cop? No. What is one thing that you took to show-and-tell as a kid? My Snorlax plushy. Do you remember losing your first tooth? No. In the summer would you rather have the windows down or the A/C on in the car? I strongly prefer A/C. Have you ever been addicted to a game? What game? I had a long-time addiction to World of Warcraft for a couple years or so. I still play it now, but I'm not addicted to it anymore. As a matter of fact I get bored of it easily now. Which was better: the original The Lion King or the sequel? The original, but I love both very much. Do any of your grandparents have a tattoo? I don't know if any did. Do you believe that your pets feel love towards you? Roman, 120%. It is so obvious. Venus, no, as reptiles are literally incapable of experiencing that emotion. I do, however, know she trusts me. Are you proud of your body? FUCK no. Have you ever been rushed to the hospital in an ambulance? No. How do YOU believe the world & universe started? I don't know. I feel like MAYBE there is some sort of ultimate intelligence that formed the universe (maybe prompted the Big Bang, though I've always been dubious of that occurring naturally), but I don't think of this topic frequently at all. Does it really matter, after all? We're here, so just focus on that and live in the now. Have you ever stuck gum under a desk/chair? NO, that shit grosses me the hell out. When shopping at a grocery store, do you return your cart or just leave it? Return your fucking cart, please. It is NOT that difficult. What is one thing you’d never want your parents to find out? Certain places I've, uh, "done" things. When you were little, did you like Dr. Suess books? Yep. I seriously loved Green Eggs and Ham. What would you consider unforgivable? Rape is #1. Would you rather give your food to a homeless shelter or money to charity? Food to a homeless shelter, but I'd love to do both. What was your least favorite year of your life so far? 2016 was a fucking NIGHTMARE. Have you spent money on a game online? On one occasion, I asked if Mom would reactivate my WoW account, and when two expansions came out, I asked if she could buy them. I HATED asking. Thankfully, now, I'm rich enough in the game to pay for the "token" currency, which renews your subscription for a month, so I essentially play for free now. Have you been called a bad influence? Yes. Have any self-done piercings? Noooo. I only trust professionals. Ever pierced someone else? Again, no. Leave it to professionals, as well as someone without tremors. If you had a child with down’s syndrome, would you keep him/her? IF I wanted kids, of course I would. It really, REALLY bothers me when DS is the reason behind abortion. Mind you, I am pro-choice, but come on... Don't treat down's syndrome children as a curse. If someone tried to murder your child, do you think it would be wrong to expose them publicly and talk about it on social media? Of fucking course I would. I'd damn that person to hell myself. Is there a toxic person that you miss? I sometimes miss Colleen. Are you still contemplating going back to someone you shouldn’t? With Jason, yes. If he actually wanted me back (that will never happen, but anyway), I fear I'd say yes and probably would, realistically. When was the last time you had a new crush? When I realized I was bisexual. Do you want Jesus to come back soon? Back when I was a Christian, I was terrified of Judgment Day. I don't believe in it now. What is something you can’t wear because of your body type? I COULD wear whatever the hell I wanted, but I refuse to wear crop tops or strapless tops (or strapless bras). Oh, and thongs. No thanks. If you have curves, do you like them? I'm not curvy naturally, I'm just fat. Have you ever worn matching pajamas with someone? No, but that'd be cute. Has anyone ever mistaken you for being anorexic? No way. What fast food place do you avoid at all costs? Arby's, to name one. Are you afraid of deep sea creatures? Yes, especially giant squid. Have you ever agreed to purchase something on Ebay and got scammed somehow? Ugh, I got Ico THREE TIMES and they were ALL broken; they'd freeze in the first few minutes. Has anybody ever given you a promise ring? No. What is your favorite kind of cake? Red velvet. Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? Yeah, multiple times. Were you outdoors or indoors more as a kid? I'd say it was a split down the middle. Have you ever had a relationship that began via text? Jason, Tyler, Juan, and Sara all began over text. Girt asked me out over Facebook Messenger. Do you think sloths are cute or ugly? They're cuties! What eyeshadow suits you best? I only wear black eyeshadow. Do you watch the show Wizards of Waverly Place? I did as a kid and really liked it. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No. I don't think I could handle the humidity, though I'd love to see all the beautiful wonders. Are you a member of any clubs? No. Would you shave your head with a friend who had cancer? If it was someone I was very close to and they were extremely self-conscious about it, I'd probably be willing to get very short hair, but I don't think I could handle no hair at all. How did you meet your pet? Roman was one of the kittens of Ashley's mother-in-law's cats. She has way too many cats and needed to get rid of the kittens, and I'd been wanting one like mad. I found Venus via the online reptile-selling hub called Morph Market, and I became VERY interested in the many, many ball python morphs, and when I saw her, I immediately knew that was my baby. Did/Do you have any PEZ dispensers? I did as a kiddo. What are some of the phrases in your personal ‘bingo’ card? "Mood," "can't relate," "hi, how are ya," "jinkies," "yikes," "oof," shit like that. Have you ever been through a trap door? No. Do/did you have to wear a uniform to your high school? No, only middle school. How many video games do you own? A whole lot. Have you ever visited a sex shop? No. Have you ever ridden a bicycle through a busy city? No, I'd be very scared to. Do you use Instagram? How often do you post there? I have two for my varying photography subjects. I post very rarely on both. Have you ever had a scary encounter with a wild animal? I have not.