#phase 2 has been LACKING fluff time to make up for it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pradaksj · 4 years ago

Text

the swimming lessons

↳do not repost, translate, or claim as your own.

�� pairing⟶ jungkook/reader

❧ genre⟶ swimminginstructor!jungkook , fluff, a bit of comedy? head canon/bullet points

❧ rating⟶ e for everyone??? none??? idk how ratings work lol i just know that m = the dirty, which this story has none of

❧ word count ⟶ 5,000

❧ summary ⟶ accidental swimming lessons with jungkook were definitely worth the money

❧ a/n ⟶ i literally dreamt something similar to this in like january and told myself i'd write about it when i had the time so hear i am :)) this goes out to all my folks who can’t swim !! i'm on the same boat with you , get it? cause we can’t swim ... ok anyways ... enjoy ! (note: i have not proofread this yet so sorry for any mistakes!! ill get to it soon !! )

“hello, welcome to lucky duck swim school, how can i help you?” the receptionist, who was loudly chewing her gum, sounded more like an automated voice message than a person...

see today was your first official swimming lesson

yay!!

how fun!! ...

://

totally not embarrassing for someone your age !!!

honestly, it wasn't your fault you didn’t have any family members or friends with a big pool you could learn in growing up

and by the time you did, you were too much of in an awkward phase to be properly taught

aka your body absolutely refusing to float on its own anymore

but after several trips to the beach with friends and attending different pool parties, you were tired of being made fun of !!

no longer would you remain at 5 feet and under !!! not on your watch !

and so here you were, ready to start your journey into the world of swimming :))

“hi i um have a swimming lesson at 3 with um ... i believer her name was um—”

hmmm what was her name ??? jennie??? no, maybe it was aaliyah ??? no that wasn’t it....

the receptionist taps on her keyboard buttons, her long nails making a noise

pop, her bubblegum goes

“jungkook”

“yeah jungkook” you mindlessly say.

wait

WAIIITT

jungkook????

ummmmm

that was not the game given to you by the last receptionist

jungkook is a boy’s name !!!

you didn’t want a boy instructor !!!

not with the way you were looking

“i um—i had asked for a girl instructor—” you awkwardly mention

she rolls her eyes

um RUDE

she continues clacking with her keyboard, looking for god knows what

she sighs

“there’s no slots with female instructors available for today, nor for the rest of the month, the earliest i can probably squeeze you in by is july.” she bluntly states.

JULY???

july was when you needed to already know how to swim !!

that’s the peak of summer !

there was no point in knowing during winter or any other season besides summer for that matter

and you were not going to get made of by your friends this year

no no NO

“soo do i reschedule you or.....”

you sigh

“no ill take it” you pout, resembling a child.

“it it makes you feel any better, jungkook’s our best instructor, most popular too”

wink

oh yeah that makes you feel so much better

>:(

you were going to make a complete fool out of yourself in front of the so called “best instructor”

“well go get yourself washed up, get into the pool, and jungkook will be with you shortly” she smiles, her attitude now changing now that (what looked to be a supervisor) was passing by.

what a bi—

flip flop. flip flop. flip flop.

your sandles press onto the water on the floor of the girls locker room, a grouchy look now on your face

this wasn't fair

you made an appointment with a female instructor!!

you didn’t care if he was the best instructor or the most popular ...

squeeaaakkk , you twist the rusty shower handle

...because now you were you were going to be judged for your lack of skills

not that you had any to begin with, but still!

god, you sounded like such a karen ...

it’s just ...

a guy instructor ???

really???

you understood that this wasn’t elementary school anymore and boys certainly didn’t have cooties anymore but like ://

no no, you had to give this jungkook guy the benefit of the doubt

if he was one of the best, it was clearly because he was professional and good at what he does

putting your worries to rest, you turn off the shower

this was going to be fine

just fine

clearly your worries were not put to rest

just a temporary halt

pat. pat. pat.

okay let’s get it !

making your way out to the pool, you dip your foot in

ooooo

cold

VERY cold indeed

1 ...2...

you dip your whole leg in, quickly using the momentum to place your whole body in

“5 feet and below ... you’re my bitch !!” you think to yourself

your hand still clearly gripping onto the ledge, still afraid of accidentally reaching 6ft

.... now to wait

“megan seems to have fractured her leg last weekend on a rollerskating day gone bad, so you’ll be taking up her appointments for the next month of two until she’s cleared for work”

huh ???

“but—”

“also she, well now you i guess, have a lesson to teach at..”

jungkook’s supervisor looks down at his watch

“oh i guess in 30 minutes, could’ve sworn it was at 4..” he mumbles that last part to himself

30 minutes?!

“don’t worry i’ll up your pay for the remaining time that she gets better”

he winks ;) making a clicking noise with his mouth before leaving the staff room

jungkook sighs

today was supposed to be an easy day :/

a simple cleaning of the pool along with a couple of measly hours of being the lifeguard and that would’ve been it but noooo

he just had to be the highest rated swimming instructor on the company website

he couldn’t complain though, sometimes it was fun reading the reviews past students left, even if sometimes they were a little too...

whats the word...

provocative?

it often made him wonder if he was in fact an actual good swimming instructor or if the high highly rated reviews were for other reasons....

honestly it’d be dumb of him not to acknowledge the amount of googly eyes he’d get ranging from the mother’s of his younger students to his actual adult students (female and male)

he just liked to think that didn’t come into play when they wrote their reviews

hehe

changing into his black fitted rash guard, he glanced at megan’s schedule

name : y/n

age: 23 grown

swimming level: beginner aka noob.

he chuckles to himself

well won’t this be fun

he couldn’t lie beginner adult swimmers were always a spectacle to watch

they almost reminded him of baby ducks learning how to swim

only that they’d verbally curse their frustrations here and there

quickly showering, he begins to make his way to the pool

hmm, he wonders..

what should he eat after today’s lesson?

a bacon cheese burger sounded really good

maybe even grab himself some birria tacos from that new restaurant that just opened near his apartment

hmm no he had to start spending less on takeout

sigh

looks like it’d be rame—

woah

as corny as it sounded, he could’ve sworn he felt his heart skip a beat

because whoever it was in that pool was pretty, like really pretty

hOly ?????

wowzers

you couldn’t be y/n ... could you?!?!?!

you were the only person who looked 23 years of age in the pool ...

ermmmmmm

mayday mayday

jungkook.exe has STOPPED WORKING

whoever this jungkook person was, sure was taking their time

deciding to have some fun before your lesson, you begin to gently play with the water

swish. swoosh , the water goes

soon you’d be well on your way to becoming the next michael phelps

hehe

maybe with time you’d even be able to a somersault in the water like your friend always—

“y/n?” a voice from behind says your name

ah finally

taking in a deep breath, you turn your attention to the so called “best swimming instructor”

OH.

MY .

GOD.

WHAT ??????

this man looked like he came straight out of GQ magazine !!!!

this HAD to be some mistake , there was just no way ...

your cheeks feel as if they were burning up

probably because they quite literally were

there was no way you’d be able to come here every saturday for the next month, not without fawning for this dude every single minute

“u-um”

of course you were a stuttering mess

of FuCkiNg course

“that’s me”

cue the awkward smile

“be professional” jungkook tells himself

at the end of the day, you were his student

any crush on you would just have to wait until of course ... you were no longer his student

for now the only goal was : teach you how to swim

the next one down the list being : to take you out on a date !

he offers you a handshake

wow he had a strong grip

“i’m jungkook, i’ll be your swimming instructor for the next month”

he flashes you his all too famous smile

there was just no way this man was real

just nO wAy

“um..”

crap, you were still holding his hand!

idiot, idiot, idiot !

“sorry” you awkwardly laugh

ha ha ha

so funny

god did you just want to hide to disappear

“it’s fine” he laughs

even his laugh was attractive :(

ugh

“so y/n, before we begin with anything, i think it’s important to review about what kind of things you already know and what you don’t”

oh right ...

for a moment you had COMPLETELY forgotten you were here for swimming lessons

how embarrassing

“oh um..”

um, um , um.

IS THAT ALL YOU KNEW HOW TO SAY????

“so like floating, holding your breath underwater, pushing, gliding, arm movement, that kind of stuff,” he explains

you knew a cool trick to make it look like you were water bending :D

of course you weren’t going to admit that here

silently you nod your head no

he gives you a reassuring smile, sensing your timidness

“that’s fine, only more for us—” he corrects himself, “for you to learn,” he laughs

hey you weren’t complaining

;)

“so i personally always like to start off with teaching my students how to float. as long as we get that down then you’ll have no problem learning the rest”

gosh his smile was so infectious

shaking your head, you reminded yourself that this was your teacher

+ you paid 300 bucks for these classes, so you couldn’t afford to be giving him the googly eyes all day

you were so cute :(

jungkook couldn’t help but find you so endearing

the color of your swimming goggles even matched your swim suit :((

so cute !

“okay so the first thing i want you to practice is going underwater for a couple of seconds, just so you get used it,” he instructs, “i’ll demonstrate”

taking in a deep breath, he goes down under

1...2...3

he’s back up

pausing for about another three seconds, he takes in another deep breath of air before going back under

1...2....3...4....5

he repeats the same thing over and over, until the max count becomes 20.

“use my finger as your reference of when to go up, but come up for air whenever you feel like you need to. it’s important to go at your own pace, so don’t feel pressured to get it the first try”

no pressure at all

okay

“you ready?”

you nod your head

“okay, deep breath in”

you sink your head underwater, mentally counting the three seconds before going back up

“good job,” he gives you a high five, and you almost feel like a schoolgirl, “now let’s try to five seconds”

woo!!! 5 seconds here you come !!

taking in a deep breath you go down under again

1....2.....3....4...5

easy peasy ... LEMON SQUEEZY

“okay now to ten”

1.....2......3......4.....5......6....7

umm

now why were these seconds going by slow all of a sudden?

sucking it up you manage to make it to 10, but not without being out of breath

“you okay?” he’s quick to ask

yup, totally fine !

you definitely didn’t see the gates of heaven for a quick moment :D

nodding your head, you enthusiastically say, “let’s go for 15″

he smiles at your enthusiasm

ahh so cute

“1....2.....3......4......5.......6......7......8......9.....10.....11.....12....13...

nope nope nope

you were not going to make it to 15

immediately you make your way back to the surface, trying to catch your breath

“hey you did amazing,” he immediately reassures you, “remember as long your going your own pace then you’re doing just fine”

well doesn’t that make you feel better

you wonder if he’s this kind to all his students

besides the most obvious reason, there was no question as to why he was the “most popular” instructor

and to think you had been complaining earlier !!

and soon you’re back underwater, going at your own pace until finallyyyy you’re able to make the 20 second count

“nice !!” he genuinely celebrates with you, making you feel completely proud for yourself

“okay now that we have that done, we can move onto learning how to float facing both front and back”

ohhhhh

he was just thinking ahead

cool :o

“so what i want you do is first relax,” he laughs, gently pushing your stiff shoulders down

as if your blush couldn’t get any deeper

“now my personal belief is that all humans can naturally float, just that for others, it takes a bit of a push to get them at that state,” he begins to explain

others meaning people like um you

“the key to floating is to relax”

oh you’ve heard that before

many MANY times and each time you’ve tried to so called “relax” you just end up sinking

“the moment you fight or stress for even a tiny bit, you will sink. now i know what you’re thinking, ive heard that before”

damn

he was good

“but sadly it’s true, until you learn to relax then you’ll be able to swim”

you sigh

this was where it became hard

you were the queen of stress

you and stress went hand in hand almost like a married couple

it was just that deep water was scary !! very very scary !!

the amount of horror stories you’d seen on tiktok was enough for you to know, ocean = scary

“so here’s what i need you to do, i need you to place your arms on top of the water like as if you’re going to fly”

you follow his commands

he separates your arms, which had been too close together, giving them a small rub

“remember you need to relax y/n,” he chuckles, feeling the tension in your arms

“relax, i need to relax,” you repeat

“okay now right now when i tell you, you’re gonna take a deep breath in and look down, from there you’re gonna let you body move forward. so remember you’re not gonna jump, you’re just gonna let your body glide forward and float. almost as if you’re flying to me,” he explains

mm it was easier said than done

“you ready?”

“okay deep breath in”

you inhale a deep breath in

“look down”

you do that as well

“and let go”

slowly your body begins to rise on its own

oh my god !!!!!

you were about to float!!!!!

the day has come !!!

no more staying at 5 feet and under

you were ready to hang with the big kids :D

but as quick as the momentum came, the faster it left because soon you felt yourself sinking, the breathing exercise jungkook had made you do now coming in handy

no!!!!

you almost had it :(

it was right in your grasp, only to have it snatched away

not wanting to offend you, jungkook keeps his giggles to himself

“hey at least you almost had it,” he comforts you, “let’s just try again”

you sigh, now letting your doubts creep in

because of this, this time your body almost immediately sank this time

he frowns

you were losing confidence :/

“come on i’ll help you”

grabbing your hands, he signals for you to follow his breathing pattern

“deep breath in”

“deep breath out”

god, was his voice soothing

“i need you to relax y/n, let everything go”

a soft feeling of relaxation washes over you, similar to that feeling you’d get when you were on the verge of sleeping

“i’m gonna let you go at the count of three, and then you’re going to float, okay?”

silently you nod, knowing that speaking would only cause you to tense up again

“1...2....”

he lets go, and soon you’re floating, just like he said you would

you hold your breathe for a good while before standing back up, a huge smile on your face

“holy shit! i did it!!”

he gives you high five with both of his hands, for a second holding them before letting go

“now let’s try floating on your back”

he notices that there’s now a fire in your eyes that wasn’t there before

clearly you were now more determined to learn, excited too

preparing yourself to float once more, you realize you were missing something....

“jungkook...”

he tilts his head, confused by the faint blush on your cheeks

“do you think you can um—”

now it was his turn to blush

“o-oh yeah”

what was his problem???

you were a student asking for help

that was all ...

point blank.

he helps you get on your back, his hand placed under your back as a way to keep you up

“1....2....”

you float easily again!!

“nice!!” he smiles

summer, here you come !!

“okay so we’re gonna keep practicing that for the remaining time that we have and next week i’ll start teaching you about stroke techniques and which ones are easiest to do”

nodding your head, you practice your floating by the end of the hour having it practically mastered

the two of you get out of the pool, now drying off

“you’re a really fast learner y/n,” he compliments you

hehe

you mean, you didn’t wanna brag butttt

you were a fast learner indeed

“thank you,” you say in return, “but that’s only because you’re a great teacher”

woah

did you really say that :o

aren’t you feeling a little bold today y/n

his blush returns for the second time today

well technically you weren’t in class anymore ...

a little flirting wouldn’t hurt right?

if only he knew what to say ....

hmmmm

“well at least you won't ever drown!”

HUH???????

jungkook, you idiot !!!!!

someone needed to smack him straight in the face for that !

at least you won’t drown????

no fucking shit

well there goes his chances with you now going down the drain

but to his surprise, you laugh

“you’re right, i won’t,” you say in return, “well i’ll see you next weekend jungkook”

you flash him a smile, and he was certain he felt butterflies in his stomach

walking into the girl’s locker room, you let out a sigh of relief

wheeeeew !

faking confidence was hard !

very VERY hard

“so today you’re going to learn how to stroke so you can officially be called someone who knows how to swim, next week you’ll learn to tread water and continue perfecting your swimming, and then the final week i’ll teach you some fun extra things”

“sounds good,” you say, definitely excited to learn more.

“okay so now that you know how to float, right now when you float facing downward, you’re going to pull against the current with your arms, alternating each one. now the tricky part is that while you do that, you also have to paddle your legs a little and come up for air when you need to, and when you’re back in the water you should slowly be exhaling bubbles of air rather than holding your breath”

well that sounded hard :/

“let me give you a demonstration,” jungkook says

he’s quick to float facing downward, showing you the maneuver he wanted you to learn while coming up for air every five seconds

thought it was a little childish, he somehow still looked good doing it

he truly was blessed with the looks of a god

he comes out the water

“okay now your turn”

you nod your head, that determined look you had on your face last week now returning

following his example, you begin your attempt at paddling and stroking your arms at the same time

SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH!

immediately you begin to panic and water begins to splash everywhere, including on jungkook

noticing your panicked state, jungkook is quick to grab you and place you back on your feet

“hey hey, i got you,” he comforts you, not wanting you to feel discouraged

you sigh

well that was embarrassing

“remember y/n you have to learn to coordinate everything, so think of it this way. your legs have to always be paddling, it’s the arm and coming up for air that switch roles. when you come up for air, it’s only your legs paddling, while when you’re head is back underwater it’s both your legs and arms paddling. once you get that pattern, the bubbling will come naturally”

you make an ohhhhh face

you could do that !

“remember what i told you last weekend y/n, you need to relax and be comfortable so you can build confidence. there’s no need to panic because i’m here,” he smiles at you

gosh this just wasn't fair >:(

cute and charming ????

this boy really had it all

not wanting to disappoint, you try one more time, failing once again

now you were frustrated :/

“damn it,” you mumble to yourself, a sadness to your voice

jungkook feels his heart swell

he didn’t like seeing you sad :(

but doggy paddling was the most basic technique he could teach you so he couldn’t really cheer you up by offering a different technique

you needed to learn to doggy paddle before you could move on to the more bigger strokes

damn it ://

“hey don’t feel bad about not getting right away,” he gives you a small smile, “i remember when i first started learning it took me forever to even learn how float, so the fact that you’re already at this point is enough of an accomplishment”

well that makes you feel little better ...

“but you were probably a kid, im ...”

old , is what you want to say

figuring what you were gonna say, he only laughs

“who said i was a kid? i was probably like 19″

whaaaaaattttt!

assuming he was your age (which he was), you do the quick maths in your head

that was like .... 4 years ago !

how the hell did he get so good in such little time???? enough to be teaching courses ???

“not knowing how to swim is nothing to be embarrassed about y/n, if anything it takes a lot of courage to even sign up for a class so don’t beat yourself up too much for not getting it right away”

he ruffles your wet hair, a small affectionate gesture

you didn’t know how it was possible but you were falling for this man and QUICKLY at that

he was just so ??$%@^!

UGHHHH

“so let’s try one more time, and if you still can’t get it then we’ll push it to next week, a free extra lesson on me”

eeeeek

though the temptation to purposely fails was very intriguing indeed, you still had to try for the sake of it

if you got it, you got it, and if you didn't well ....

an extra week with jungkook it was :D

“you ready?”

you nod your head

“1...2...”

you float and begin to paddle, this time actually getting the hang of it !!!

you hear jungkook’s muffled voice from above the surface, “there you go!!”

holy shit !

you officially knew how to swim !!!

at least enough to save your own life if push came to shove

once you were out of breath, you stand back up, a grin on both of your faces

for jungkook it was hard not to tackle you in excitement so instead he settled for a very enthusiastic high five

“you did it!” he cheers

“ahhh!” you giggle like a child

“from here on out, the rest is a piece of cake!”

yay yay yay !!!

“now let’s start working on deeper strokes, maybe we’ll even have time to throw in backstrokes!”

:////

noticing your changed expression, he awkwardly laughs while scratching his neck

“or maybe not”

this week was the final week of swimming lesson with jungkook

:((

last week’s lesson of treading water and perfecting your swim seemed to had gone by in literally the blink of an eye !

and so today was possible the last time you’d see jungkook unless you managed to grow the balls and ask him out once that clock hit 4, once you were no longer his “student"

by now you were 100% sure you liked the dude... like a lot

and he was definitely someone you wanted to get to know outside of this pool

you just weren’t sure if he liked you the same way

you mean yeah there were definitely times that had you raising an eyebrow here and there, but you always excused it as him simply being a kind hearted person by nature

because clearly his five star rating on the company’s website had to come from somewhere

not that you checked or anything....

who were you kidding

yes you did

your favorite review was the one that went..

“wow!! this dude is amazing !! came here for beginner lessons and even i found myself fawning for the dude , and i don’t even play for that side of the team !! not only were his lessons thorough, but he’s a very charming person ! 10/10 recommend!”

and so you were stuck

did he liked you or was he just treating you like he treated everyone??

“ahh y/n,” jungkook’s voice suddenly brings you back to reality

“today’s our final lesson!” he announces, not sounding too sad

in fact he sounded excited

damn :/

he playfully jumps into the pool, today being his so called “fun day”

“so since today’s your last lesson i thought i could teach you how to do a.....”

he pauses for dramatic purposes

“SOmERSAuLT!!”

immediately your eyes light up

ahhhhhHHHH!!!!

you always wanted to learn how to do a somersault in water, remembering the number of times you’d look at your friend in jealousy whenever she did one

“you ready??”

eagerly you nod your head yes

“okay so the steps to doing a summersault is first of course, you need to take a deep breath”

okayyyy

“from there you tuck your chin to your chest, next you do the moment of the somersault by swinging your chest forward and gently kicking out your legs, so basically forming a ball and then kicking out. naturally, if you have enough momentum, you’ll spin, but if you don’t just use your arms to complete it”

“think you can give me a demonstration?” you innocently ask

he winks at you, “of course i can”

taking in a deep breath, he follows his own instructions, and you watch he perfectly executes his somersault

“woahhh, that was so cool!” you say, even now finding the trick to be amazing

“now i dont expect you to get it right away, so right now that you try i’m going tog hide you thought the movement so you get the gist of it”

sounds fair enough

you weren’t trying to drown on your last day either

“okay, you ready?”

“yes”

“let’s get it!”

taking a deep breath in, you feel jungkook’s hand get placed on your back, ready to push you so you could do the somersault

“1...2...”

and slowly you feel yourself spin with the help of jungkook, a smile already forming on your face

“ahhh!” you smile big and wide, causing Jungkook to smile along with you

“you think you’re ready to try it on your own???”

“yes sir”

“okay 1....2....”

mustering up as much as force you possible could, you push yourself into ball and successfully do the somersault

YUPPPPP

WHOSE DOING IT LIKE YOU???!$%@$!

feeling an immediate rush of adrenaline, you begin to splash water all over once you come back up for air, declaring an all out water fight with jungkook

soon the two of you are chasing one another, you now using your new swimming abilities to get away

hehe

you’re a swimmer

the sound of jungkook’s infectious laughter fill the air and soon you feel him grab your waist at an attempt to stop you

“gotcha” he says, and he turns you around to face him

slowly each other’s heavy breathing becomes relaxed, and it’s as if you’ve felt a shift occur in what you considered your new “friendship”

“so....” he awkwardly says, hands still wrapped around your waist

his was was RED

like cherry tomatoes red

this only makes you giggle

if you had doubts before, you DEFINITELY didn’t have em anymore

he liked you :))))

and you liked him :))))

and in ten minutes you were officially no longer his student so......

“there’s this new restaurant that opened near my place....” you say

immediately his eyes light up

“cancun eats?”

you nod your head and he gives you a toothy grin

“i was wondering if you’d want to go out some time...” you muster up the courage to ask him out

%^@%!@&!@^&@%! = jungkook’s brain

holy crap !!!

you liked him!!!

he wasn’t just delusional !!!

“hello?? jungkook??” you laugh, waving a hand in front of his face for jungkook.exe had truly stopped working this time

nodding his head yes like a child, the two of you being to lean closer to another, the clear goal in mind being each other’s lips

because honestly you’d come this far now, might as well give him a ....

“wait!” he suddenly interrupts he glances at the digital clock on the wall, remembering your final lesson officially ends at 4

because no way in hell was he going to get fired for kissing a student on the clock

3:59

.....

4:00

“okay now,” he smiles, and you only roll your eyes, happy to have taken up on those swimming lessons.

a/n : i was gonna make this longer but this was always meant to be a small little head canon so :))) pls give this a like, comment, or a reblog if you enjoyed it !! (if u can of course) and my ask box is always open for whatever !! :)) see yall next time 💞

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ladyofpandemonium · 3 years ago

Text

Midgardian Literature | Thor Odinson

Marvel Cinematic Universe Thor Odinson x Reader Canon verse—fluff (Thor being absolutely adorable) A/N: Tell me if you guys want a part 2!!! This was so much fun to write!

Phase I: Indifference

You love to read, complete with a ginormous bookshelf lining one of your apartment walls.

Though Thor has taken note of the structure in your house when visiting you, he doesn’t pay it much mind since he’s not quite as avid a reader as yourself. He doesn’t exactly understand what you find so interesting about these tales but perhaps that is because you haven’t lived any of them like he has, he thinks.

Phase II: Irritation, then Interest

Thor’s indifference to your collection of prose only lasts so long because one day, when he’s visiting you, you open the door with your face buried in a novel. You barely peek over the edge to identify him, waving him inside with a casual greeting before proceeding to curl up on your couch.

Thor is bewildered. Why wouldn’t you spare him the slightest bit of your attention?

After an hour or two of trying to steal your focus from the bound stack of paper (as Thor so eloquently dubs the book despite knowing what it is) only to earn low hums in response to anything he says, he’s at his limit and—

“Oh, hell no!”

As if a physical embodiment of his resolve snapping, you slam the book shut and toss it carelessly into Thor’s lap. He spares the inky cover a glare before following your practically stomping figure to your mini-library where you hunch over to look for what he assumes is another book.

Oh, no, no, no.

Just as your eyes have found the next book in the trilogy you’ve been reading, Thor is up and tossing the first book aside in favour of snatching you up. You manage to snag the second novel from the shelf anyway, yelping slightly at the lack of floor beneath your feet.

He sits back down with you on his lap, plucking the novel in your hands and tossing it to its first installation.

“No—Thor!” You whine, making grabby hands for the second volume that is just out of reach for you. The desperation to continue has you wriggling out of Thor’s grasp to reach the book. He hates this, pouting in protest.

“If you wish to be entertained by a good tale, I have plenty to share,” Thor grumbles at the contact your fingertips make with the novel—to your relief and his chagrin.

“I promise you can tell me your tales of conquest after this.”

“Are these not the same?” You freeze at the ‘matter-of-factly’ tone. Does Thor truly think novels on earth are the same as those in Asgard? That they are some glorious tales of conquests, like those he recounts to you? You had brushed off his lack of interest in books thinking perhaps that is not the medium he likes. Perhaps he likes movies or theatre performances because he’s mentioned the latter is common in Asgard.

“Thor, have you never read a novel from Earth?”

“I have not.” Thor declares, almost as if he is proud. Proud he is, but over the fact that he has finally won back your attention.

You gasp dramatically, dropping the second installment in your lap and reaching over for the first that Thor previously tossed on the coffee table. He opens his mouth to protest until you flip over to the beginning of the story and thrust the book in his large palm. His thumb comes between the pages to hold the book open as he looks up at you, brows furrowed in question.

“You must read! Earth novels are different from the stories you tell me.” You pause, “Well, most of them. Some of them are about conquests and stuff like that—but you have to try this, Thor!”

Thor still glares at the inky cover, eyeing it warily. Subconsciously, he sees the book as a rival for your attention. At the same time, your insistence has drawn his interest to the page. So, with a sigh, he shifts to balance you on one of his thighs and begins to read—rather begrudgingly.

You take your chance and snatch up the second book in the trilogy to join him.

Phase III: Obsession

Three pages (front and back) into the novel and Thor is immersed. So immersed, in fact, that you have to wave your phone in front of his face to get his attention when ordering the two of you food. Still, he haphazardly told you to order whatever it is you like and, “I shall have that second book when I finish this.”

By the time the sun has disappeared beneath the horizon, Thor only has a quarter of the first book to finish and so do you. When you turn the last page, he plucks the second installation from you and buries himself in it. You laugh and pull the third volume from your shelf.

By nightfall, you’ve moved the coffee table and made yourselves a pillow fort, Thor its supporting pillar while you lay under one of his arms reading the final installation of the trilogy. Thor is halfway through the second, it seems.

Soon enough, it’s past midnight and you have finished the entire trilogy, lending Thor the third and final volume while you entertain yourself with the minuscule changes in his expression at every twist in the plot. You thought Thor couldn’t have been more endearing but are proven wrong when his booming laughter shakes the pillow fort when he finds a scene particularly amusing, or when he practically roars at the end of a chapter that you know has a cliffhanger, or when he presses his lips in a thin line and heaves a melancholic sigh over something saddening.

Rarely, does he pause to ask you a question about something he doesn’t quite understand. You explain it to him while he lays on his stomach, propped on his elbows like a child listening to his favourite story. You think this might be exactly what you’ve introduced him to.

At some point, you fall asleep under his arm because the low hum of music from your phone has served its purpose as a lullaby. However, when you wake, it is still dark outside and Thor is scanning the final page of the novel.

It has to be past two…

With a deep inhale, Thor snaps the book shut and looks down at you, “You fell asleep.”

You nod, “I did.”

He hums and stacks the final volume atop the coffee table you’d moved aside earlier to hold the first two books. Then, he scans the room, pausing to stare at your bookshelf though neither of you can make out any titles in the dim lighting.

Then, he turns back to you with a wide grin, “Another!”

“There is no ‘another’, Thor. It’s a trilogy, which means there are only three books.” You chuckle, holding up three fingers.

His brows curve, lips pulling into a frown—Thor’s expression is akin to a lost puppy. He seems genuinely disappointed that there is not a fourth book for him to read.

“But…” You drag, catching his attention as you twirl his golden hair around your hair, “There are other stories like this one. If you want—”

“Yes!” You hadn’t even finished your offer. A giggle slips past your lips at his enthusiasm as you shift under the weight of the blankets, pillows and his arm.

“Though, you should rest, now, love. Show them to me tomorrow.” He smiles, pressing his lips to your hairline.

#prose of pandemonium ( my writing )#thor x reader #thor odinson x reader #thor odinson #marvel #mcu #marvel cinematic universe #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction #marvel x reader #thor #fandom ( marvel )

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exosmutfactory · 4 years ago

Text

Six Phases 006 Pt 2

Originally posted by exo-stentialism

Who knew it nearly took 6 months to win your heart, and 6 phases for Baekhyun to lose his mind.

A/N: sorry not sorry 😇🚗💨🔥

[ contains: romance, fluff, angst, & smut ]

•⇔♦ •⇔♦ •⇔♦ •⇔♦ •⇔♦ •⇔♦ •

Somehow, waking up early on Saturday mornings had become a routine since that weekend. Between the plague-like thoughts that disrupted my sleep and how Baekhyun cutely requested for breakfast the next morning, I dragged my tired body out of bed and quickly whipped up some bacon with scrambled eggs. He insisted that my cooking was the best before the flavor even settled fully onto his tongue, counteracting my every protest with flustering compliments. I recall accidentally telling him he was full of shit—it was only a simple meal, after all. What is that compared to the hundreds of fancy restaurants he has dined in?

"Your food tastes like home," He argued between pacifying whines, back-hugging me in a way that always weakens my defenses. I begrudgingly agreed after convincing him to have turkey bacon from time to time. Pork has its place, and I preferably don't enjoy the breakfast variety all too often.

It's ridiculous what lengths I would go for this infuriatingly attractive man. If my weekend to-do list full of breakfast, groceries, and laundry is anything to go by, I wouldn't oppose being considered as "whipped" for him. It is what it is, man.

Every Saturday I am up and running by the time the sunlight breaks over the horizon. Regardless of how late I end up sleeping the night before, my eyes automatically open between the hours of 6 and 7; ready to climb out of bed as quietly as possible. Thankfully Baekhyun is a heavy sleeper who is content with hugging my pillow to his chest while I sneak off to the kitchen.

The aches in my body become very apparent the moment my foot touches the carpeted floor of our bedroom, a familiar feeling—welcomed almost, though I'd never tell Baekhyun that. His ego when it comes to things like this is big enough as it is.

Suppressing a shiver at the wintry morning air, I reach for his discarded shirt from the night before, tsking quietly at the two buttons missing from the top of the material. I swear he's the most annoyingly endearing man I've ever met. There's no other explanation for why I'm already planning what time to sew the buttons back on, carefully picking them up from the floor and leaving them on top of our shared dresser.

Luckily the remaining buttons are enough to shield my shoulders from the cold of the large apartment; the bottom of the shirt brushing against the back of my thighs as I make my way out into the hallway, gently closing the door behind me. In times like these I am grateful for Baekhyun's habit of leaving his house-slippers right outside of our bedroom. I rarely use mine despite his constant chastising. Some things in life are better bare.

Slipping into the slippers with ease, a smile tugs at my lips while shuffling quietly down the hallway. I usually keep breakfast simple: scrambled eggs, a few strips of bacon—maybe a pancake or two on a particularly good morning. Today, however, I'm in the mood for something more. Omelets, cinnamon buns, and the little sausages Baekhyun has adored lately.

Checking on the buns in the small conventional oven on the counter, I whisk away at the raw eggs that will make up Baekhyun's omelet, smoothing out the yolk entirely. A light breeze and soft kiss pressed to my shoulder break me out of my concentration. I could recognize those pouty lips anywhere.

"You're up early," I murmur, leaning back against his chest. Tilting my head up, I smile at his cute sleepy expression.

"Mmm," He manages to capture my lips in an upside-down kiss that melts me to my very core, his warm fingers seeping through the fabric of my borrowed shirt. "What are you up to?"

"Breakfast," I breathe, cheeks warming as he pulls away, quickly checking on the sizzling frying pan in front of me before he can catch me admiring his bare torso. "I got the sausages you like, Bae."

"Bae?"

The top of my head nearly slams into the bottom of the cabinets as I freeze in my tracks, frying pan clutched in hand. Shit, did I say that out loud? My face might as well be 50 shades of red. "I—I mean-"

Baekhyun plants a kiss on my head that throws my every thought out the window. "I love you." He hums, hugging me warmly before walking to the dining table. The view of his bare back as he runs a hand through his sleep-tousled hair is way too captivating for six-thirty in the damn morning.

I put my attention back on the pan, hurriedly removing it from the burner to slide the sausages onto a tray. 30 more seconds and I would have burned the damn things had I not shaken myself back into focus. "Jenny and the gang are coming over today."

"Today?"

I raise a brow at his tone. The high-pitched inquiry of his voice at the mention of his friends is a little suspect. Who was the genius that bragged so much about my BBQ short ribs everyone ended up inviting themselves over to our apartment? Shouldn't he remember our plans for tonight?

"Yes?" I drag out, tilting my head, looking at him skeptically with a hand on my hip, raising my spatula. "Did you forget?"

His silent form sitting rigidly at the table is enough of an answer. "N-" I raise my other brow. "Erm—M-Maybe?"

"Uh-huh." If he wasn't so adorable after just waking up with his lips tutted in a confused pout, I would give him hell. "I bought groceries yesterday, so we're only missing the wine-"

"I'm on it." Baekhyun perks up in his chair as if douched in cold water, pulling his phone out of nowhere. "Hyerin," He murmurs groggily, fumbling clumsily for a couple of seconds and slapping it to his ear in his hurry. "I need a bottle of Dom Perignon by 6:30. Thank you." The call is over in the span of 10 seconds. He sets the device next to his glass of orange juice on the table, busying himself with gulping down half of its contents. It takes a while for him to notice my bewildered gaze. "What?" He mumbles; orange pulp on his pouty lips.

I narrow my eyes, lowering the grease-covered frying pan back to the stove. "Who was that?" And how the fuck you just ordering Dom Perignon as if it doesn't cost my entire education expenses? If you just bought the $50k edition, I swear, Byun Baekhyun—"My new secretary." He yawns, stretching his arms above his head with a soft, content smile. "Come here." He mumbles, opening them towards me, his sleepy brown orbs fluttering sluggishly. "I miss you."

For a moment I just stare at him. "I'm right here..." I mutter softly, growing more aware of his current state by the minute. Those dark circles are committing the worst crime by being on his precious face. Carefully sliding his omelet onto a plate followed by a few pieces of sausage, I can't help laughing a little to myself at the comparison of our meals. His omelet managed to come out better than the one I made for me, perfectly solid compared to my result of scrambled eggs. No matter what, he gets the very best from me—I'm taking the biggest cinnamon bun though. That delicious treat has my name written all over it, it's mine for the taking. Besides, I can risk a sugar-crash unlike Mr. 12 hour shifts over there. Noting his drowsy form nodding off at the table, I quickly reach over to start the coffeemaker.

The smile that lights up his face as I present his food to him makes up for the few seconds I burnt my hand earlier, trying my best not to burn our whole apartment down. Note to self: never daydream about eventful Friday nights while leaning over a hot stove. Had I been slower to react, I'd be nursing my hand back to health with a frazzled boyfriend refusing to let me so much as brush my teeth on my own—it gets overwhelming after the first day, trust me.

Settling down on his lap under the persuasive encouragements falling from his irresistible lips, I hold up a piece of sausage to shush his drowsy mumblings. As cute as he is, he needs his morning protein before he can wake up and function properly. Especially after working 60 hours two weeks in a row. I respect his enthusiasm as a semi-workaholic myself, but damn am I worried. What kind of crazily time-consuming clothing line is going on in his beautiful head this time?

Baekhyun finishes his juice while I pick at my food, lazily twirling his hair between my fingers. Some days I ask myself why I’m still here, why I still try, why I continue on in this relationship that has more blurred lines than direct answers about our future. To tell the truth... I never expected to fall in love again. I never saw this coming—never saw him coming, when my sole way of survival has been spotting things from miles away. How did it come to this? How the hell did this man sneak past all my defenses so easily?

Maybe it was the smile he shot my way the first time we met or the way we had danced that Friday night, his body seeming to match so perfectly with mine. His comforting presence and sweet, brown eyes that hold all the stars in the universe. The countless late nights he has spent looking after me when I caught the flu from a combination of lack of sleep, stress, and poor life choices. He's always been there—always been here with me, but why… Why isn’t it enough? What is missing? How can I strip this weight off my chest that suffocates me more by the day?

"Baby?" Baekhyun's warm voice caresses my ear, comforting arms tightening around me.

"What if it happens again?" Jenny's worried face flashes vividly in my mind.

The memories come pouring in, making my mouth go dry as a lump forms in my throat. It takes everything in me to drag my eyes up to meet Baekhyun's inquiring orbs, plastering on another smile. The gesture is easier to manage with every sweet kiss his soft pillows plant on my lips. His heart-fluttering touch distracts my hyperactive mind for a while.

"Damn, Riley." Chanyeol practically moans, the sampling spoon I had offered him left to dangle pre-cautiously between his fingers. "Had I known you could cook like this, I would have come soon—ah!"

"Yah," Baekhyun scowls as I take the last serving plate from the counter to the table with a bashful smile, passing the tall man clutching the back of his head. "That's my girlfriend you're talking about." He mutters, lowering his hand, voice deepening in an unfairly attractive manner. "Watch your mouth."

"Geez." The giant huffs, glaring at him under the veil of his blonde hair. "You'd think you two were married with that—okay, okay!"

"When you two are done." The over-the-top chirp of my voice catches their attention; both their eyes widening like guilty little kids caught with their hands in a cookie jar. "Dinner is ready."

"Don't let me eat it all." Jongdae drawls, throwing an arm over the back of Jenny's chair, looking at them lazily, his brown eyes glinting mischievously. "Remember what happened last time."

Baekhyun and Chanyeol scramble for their seats as if their asses have been set on fire; an unusually quiet Jongin follows behind them, carrying a plate I forgot all about.

"Thank you." I gasp, quickly making room for the forgotten dish. "Set it down here, please."

Jongin nods, setting down the plate of cucumber salad next to the servings of Bulgogi. "I'm sorry Kyungsoo couldn't make it." He mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck. "Something came up at the restaurant."

"It's alright. Wanna pack a to-go plate for him?" Tilting my head, I smile in understanding at the sheepish expression on his face. "If you think he'd like my food, anyway," I joke, resting my arm on the back of my chair as I continue to face him, relieved at the familiar hint of playfulness restored in his eyes.

"Oh he's going to love it," Chanyeol insists with a pleased hum, yelping at the smack Jenny lands on his sneaky hand.

"Where are your manners, Park?" She sighs, shaking her head, fiery red curls bouncing with the motion.

"Save some for the rest of us, asshole." Jongdae grumbles, subtly eyeing the cucumber salad.

Everyone's plate already has a soft taco shell, warm from a few seconds in the microwave. The toppings are placed on top of the two tables Baekhyun and I had to push together to accommodate our guests: fresh Korean lettuce, sour cream, and other ingredients that Jenny helped me choose—especially that bowl of melted nacho-cheese Jongin keeps taking glances at.

We all look towards Baekhyun once he settles in his seat. He leans forward to reach the middle of the table, bypassing the regular bulgogi for the one drenched in a home-made sauce, spooning some on my taco shell with a chaste kiss to my cheek. "Eat up, everyone," He murmurs sweetly, tired brown eyes twinkling.

Jongdae doesn't even fake-gag with Chanyeol and Jongin, he goes straight for the cucumber salad. The fresh smell wafts in the air amongst the various meat and spices, making Baekhyun's nose crinkle adorably. I carefully brush his freshly dyed hair out of his eyes, chuckling at the pout he shoots my way. "Did you really have to make cucumber salad, baby? Cucumber?"

"One man's trash is another man's treasure, Byun," Jongdae mutters, forgoing his personal bowl to grab the whole serving. No one says a word, we just share knowing smiles. And once Chanyeol pops the cork of the expensive Dom Perignon, the real party begins.

Endless tales of embarrassing high school cafeteria incidents spill forth from Jongdae's mouth as if shame has gone out of style. The details he shares at the expense of Chanyeol's seemingly innocent public image flying out the window right along with it.

"One second this guy looked like he was taking the biggest shit of his life, and the next thing I know, Lee Naeun from 5th period Physics is crawling out from under the table, wiping spulge from her lips. Like, Chanyeol, what the actual fuck bro? Couldn't you have taken your business to the 3rd floor Janitor's closet? I think I still have the key..."

If it wasn't for Baekhyun's quick hands, I would've sprayed a mouthful of wine across the entire table.

Unfortunately, Jongin had to head out right after dinner, promising to meet up again soon before hurrying to Kyungsoo's house, two plates clutched in hand. Chanyeol decided to stick around for longer to "let his two glasses of wine wear off"—this man has the metabolism of a beast, we know why he's really here. His reason is comfortably seated next to Jenny on our striped couch, sock-clad feet propped up on the coffee table.

"Dinner was nice," Jenny smiles, sipping leisurely at her water.

"More than nice." Chanyeol boosts from our leather recliner, raising his glass, tipping his head at me. "Your food damn near tops Kyungsoo's," He pauses, brown eyes widening. "Don't tell him I said that."

"No worries," I laugh softly, hiding in the safety of Baekhyun's shoulder. He shifts towards me, finishing his wine and setting the empty glass on the coffee table before wrapping an arm around my waist, brushing his lips against my forehead in a way that leaves my heart shaking. The white loveseat we're sitting on sinks further under our joined weight, and really, there's no place I'd rather be—except our king sized bed, that is. Baekhyun's firm grip on my bare thigh isn't helping my tipsy trance in the slightest. The universe knows I'd rather be getting drunk off of him right now.

"I'm going for a smoke," Jongdae mutters, rising from the couch. He leans down to Jenny for a kiss that leaves her beaming, going to retrieve his trench coat and shoes before slipping out of the door.

Good to see them doing well; I blink in surprise, smiling teasingly her way. I'm happy for her! It really is a pleasant surprise to see Jongdae stating their relationship in such a way; an immense improvement from their past encounters of Jenny nervously seeking affection and Jongdae down-right dodging it like his life depends on it. Public displays of affection are a sweet, straightforward way to say, "hey, this person means a lot to me," or, "back off, they're mine." Which personally sets me on romantic fire. Even if it's just holding hands, it can put me in high spirits—doing it with a certain, cheeky silver-haired man is just a bonus.

Jenny winks, fanning her cheeks that match the rosy shade of her hair before tuning in to Chanyeol's loud chatter.

Soft laughter rumbles in Baekhyun's chest as he engages in the conversation. His warm palm securely holds my hand when I slip my cold palm into his warm one. He presses a kiss to the back of it, pulling a silent giggle from my lips as he smiles at me with an arched brow, squeezing our intertwined fingers.

"Riley?"

I drag my eyes up to Jenny who's loosening her red curls by running her fingers through them. "Yeah?"

"Jongdae's not answering his cell," She murmurs with a worried frown. "Can you go check on him, please?"

And why can't you do it? — Or come with me for that matter? I raise a brow, getting up from the chair and Baekhyun's warmth with a silent sigh. "Okay. I'll be back." If I get kidnapped or spooked by some random asshole, she'll never hear the end of it. I really should ask Baekhyun to teach me a thing or two about hakipdo though.

Jenny beams, a peculiar twinkle in her eye, clasping my hand between hers. "Thank you!"

Uh-huh... I try not to eye her too warily.

"Take my coat, baby," Baekhyun murmurs, kissing the side of my wrist. "It's cold out."

"O-Okay." I clear my throat, pointedly avoiding the smug smiles of the other two in the room while walking over to the coat hanger.

Slipping on his brown, cinnamon-scented coat brings a giddy smile to lips—one I'm quick to hide in the soft fabric.

I slide on my boots before making my way to the elevator, not up for taking the 4 levels of stairs this late at night. Thankfully, that nosy neighbor down the hall isn't meeting me at the elevator tonight on one of his various late-night escapades. I've had enough awkward encounters with his lovers to last me a lifetime.

The lobby is empty except for a lone security guard who waves my way, face lit up in familiarity. Smiling back, I step out the crystal-clean glass doors of the building into the quiet night, quickly finding the man I'm looking for standing at the edge of the sidewalk. "Jongdae."

"Huh?" He looks over his shoulder, turning halfway at the sight of me, pulling a joint from his lips.

"You alright?" I pull Baekhyun's coat tighter around me, resisting the urge to shiver in the icy wind. "Jenny was looking for you."

"Looking for-" He chuckles, brown hair ruffling as he throws his head back in laughter. "Girl, please. I was instructed to come down here 5 minutes ago." He continues, inhaling deeply from the stick between his fingertips. "She ain't looking for me, she's looking for a way for them to chat privately and to make us talk..." He sighs, looking over at me. "I'm not exactly the best company for deep shit."

"O-kay then," I mumble, more than a little peeved, ready to turn on my heel in any direction other than stay here.

"Let's talk." He shrugs, exhaling smoke into the frosty air. I shoot him a wary look, barely taking a step in his direction. "I said let's talk, not have a screaming match." He mutters, rolling his eyes into the back of his head. "Why you all the way over there?" He follows my gaze to the stick between his fingers. "What? This?" He scoffs, smirking. "It's a joint, worst thing you'll get is the munchies."

Crinkling my nose, I take a couple more steps closer anyway, standing beside him, keeping a respectful distance between us.

"Listen." He sighs, taking another drag. "I know I've done some things that… I didn't necessarily have to do." He glances at me for a moment, and then faces the street lights. "Bros before hoes, you know?"

Yeah, I inwardly roll my eyes, focusing on a lonely snowflake evaporating before it reaches the ground. There's a lot to be said over people doing things that they didn't necessarily have to do. If I had a dime for every sleepless night I've had because of Jongdae's shameless mouth, I wouldn't be paying off my student loans anymore.

"Look." Jongdae takes one last drag, crushing the joint under his worn-out winter boots. "The way he is now is much better than the Baekhyun we knew back then." He nods a little to himself, meeting my gaze. "Still can't see why he decided to change his ways for you...but oh well." He mutters, lips quirking into a playful smirk at my small smile before facing the city lights again. Festival lamp-shaped snowflakes attached to the top of every streetlight beam against the dim backdrop of empty downtown buildings, prepared for the coming holidays. "You're alright for a best friend stealer."

A laugh escapes before I can slap my hands over my mouth, meeting his eye nervously only for us to both end up laughing; our amusement echoing loudly through the quiet night.

"Riley?" Jenny's confused voice peeps up, red curls rebelling against the hood of her fluffy white coat.

"Over here!" I cup my hand around my mouth, waving to get her attention.

She turns towards us, rounding the corner with quick strides. "There you are! I thought you got grabbed or something." She fusses, resting a hand on my arm, leaning closer to whisper in my ear, "Especially you. Baekhyun was two seconds from hunting you down with my head on his mantle."

"Jenny!" I snort, accepting her tight hug, my voice muffled in her puffy coat. "It kinda would be your fault though."

"I know!" She exclaims, viewing me from an arm's length away. "I was sweating out my hair."

"Baby?" That unmistakable honey voice calls. A head of fluffy silver locks and brown eyes peek around the building, catching light in the streetlights.

"Here, B," I soothe, chuckling as he speeds over to us, gathering me in his arms without hesitation.

"I thought I lost you," He mutters, hiding in my hair.

"She was gone for ten minutes," Jongdae deadpans.

"Ten minutes too long!" He pulls back to glare over at the brunet, hugging me to his chest with cheeks too rosy to be merely from a few moments out in the cold.

"Just how much of that wine did you drink?.." I narrow my eyes, cupping his flushed cheeks.

"Good thing you only bought one bottle," Jenny laughs nervously, slowly gravitating to shelter behind Jongdae's taller form.

"Enough to miss you." Baekhyun's breath leaves goosebumps on my chilled skin, his soft lips brushing my ear.

"Al-right, time to go before the lovebirds start mating." Jongdae grumbles, wrapping an arm around Jenny's beaming form. Their matching smirks have me scurrying to direct my tipsy boyfriend back towards our apartment.

"Uh—okay! See you guys next time!" I laugh to mask my burning face, gently pushing Baekhyun into the building.

"Goodnight! Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Jenny sing-songs, the smugness clear in her tone.

"Can't make any promises!" Baekhyun proclaims over his shoulder, much to my embarrassment. Thankfully he quiets down once we reach the elevator, but based on the wide eyed security guard, the damage has already been done.

Can the frozen ground just please open up and swallow me whole?

The view of this busy street differs from all the other times I've walked down it with Baekhyun by my side. Maybe because it's been almost 2 years since I've moved to this city, or that new boutique being set up at the end of the road. Whatever the case, the air is different—crisper, cleaner. Refreshing as I briskly walk to my destination, wanting to avoid being out in the cold as much as possible. The weather here is so much colder in the middle of December compared to how flowers were still budding around this time outside of my childhood home.

Humming a song that's been stuck in my head for days with my car keys spinning around my finger, I stroll into Privé Alliance's building, admiring the latest clothing line pictures hung up along the walls and waving to the new receptionist while making my way to the elevator. Many men and women in business attire are all over the place as per usual during the busiest months of the year. However, once I make it out of the crowd of chattering employees, the sight of a familiar face waiting in front of the elevator brings a smile to my face. "Kyungsoo!"

The short-haired man turns around. "Hello, Riley." He nods with a small smile as we step inside the open doors, pressing the buttons to the 5th and top floor. "Lunch date?"

"Hmm?.." Blinking a few times, I follow his gaze to the picnic basket clutched in my hand. "Oh! Yes." I chuckle, smoothing down my hair. "Sorry." Between nearly slipping on a patch of ice on the way over here and the pretty lights decorated all over the city, I've forgotten the reason I left our fridge in a disarray this morning. Who decided to store the sandwich meats at the back of the refrigerator? I know Baekhyun loves my home cooking, but damn, man, let me have a break too.

"It's alright." Kyungsoo chuckles, arching a brow. "Hopefully you can get him to relax."

"Relax? Coming from you!?" I gasp sarcastically, covering my mouth with wide eyes.

"Only because he's seconds away from firing half the 3rd floor." He mutters with a roll of his eyes, yet an apologetic smile forms on his face. "Sorry I couldn't make it to the gathering." He clears his throat while facing forward again, straightening his suit.

"It's alright," I smile, resisting the urge to chuckle at his flustered state, checking my outfit in the elevator's reflection. It may be a chilling 40 degrees—4 in celsius—but I can spare the warmth of my legs for a 2 minute walk from Privé's parking lot. No weather can tell me what I can and can't wear. If I want to rock a pencil skirt on the coldest day of the week, so be it! Plus, these two-inch heels couldn't be left behind. I can't show up at Baekhyun's workplace with the poor fashion choices I subject him to at home, so we're going, coolness over comfort.

"Life happens," I mumble, tucking rebellious locks of hair behind my ear. "I'm just glad you're doing okay." The smile that forms on his heart-shaped lips when I take a glance at him makes me beam back.

"I'll stop by sometime this week." He hums, black dress shoes tapping on the floor. "I just finished a new recipe."

"Recipe?" I blink, mildly intrigued, mentally running over the list of food I'm carrying for the 3rd time today.

"Fried ice cream cake," He smirks, nonchalantly checking his watch.

"Fried-" My jaw damn near drops to the floor. Fried? Fried!? The one ice cream Baekhyun banned me from attempting myself after burning my hand while frying fish a few days ago?! Which Baekhyun is half to blame, by the way—never sneak up on someone over a popping frying pan. It never ends well. Besides that, it also was the day I truly realized the stamina that man possesses. I have never seen someone react so quickly to shove my hand under ice-cold water in my life.

Searching for any cameras in the elevator, I step a little closer to the short-haired man, whispering discreetly behind my hand, "W-Will you bring me some?"

"The prettiest one," He promises, softly patting my shoulder, chuckling at the star-struck expression written all over my face. "This is me, I'm afraid."

"Huh?" I blink into focus, shocked to be on the 5th floor so soon. What the heck. What is it about elevator rides with Baekhyun and Kyungsoo that make them go by lightning-fast compared to the stifling, tension-filled ones with Jongdae? If you can read a room, it truly makes a difference. "Oh, don't let me keep you." I give a little wave, balancing the picnic basket on my forearm. "See you later!"

Kyungsoo nods, smiling with a wave of his own as the double doors close. It is at that moment that I freeze, recalling how Baekhyun mentioned he hired a new secretary a few weeks back. Well... shit—how do I explain why I'm arriving at his floor unannounced on a random Tuesday afternoon?

Do his employees even know we are dating?.. A small part of me doubts it. Why do I care? Oh, right—I fucking live with him!

By some miracle, no one is occupying the neatly arranged desk when the elevator opens on the top floor, saving me from the completely rushed explanation I have no idea how to even put into words. All that lies before me is an undisturbed walk to Baekhyun's office, the intimidating black door slightly ajar. I slip off my heels, rushing out of the elevator on sock-clad feet before the doors close. Baekhyun's businessman voice filters through the quiet air. He must be on the phone.

Shuffling as quietly as possible down the hallway, I peek into his office. My eyes quickly find his broad form leaning a hip against his executive desk, a phone pressed to his ear as he faces the floor-to-ceiling windows showcasing the heart of Seoul. Impeccably dressed in a wrinkle-free, white dress shirt with his sleeves rolled up. His black blazer thrown over the back of his chair. Like always, the splashes of color in every corner of the room have my lips curling up, but I have to muffle a small giggle at the sight of a thin pink measuring tape hanging around his neck.

I slowly inch closer, discarding my coat and setting down the basket in one of the leather chairs. Smoothing my flower-patterned, white button-down shirt, I silently approach him, gently covering his eyes once he ends the call. "Guess who~"

Baekhyun stiffens for a moment before swiftly turning around, wrapping his arms around me and lifting me up, setting me down on his desk. He cups my cheeks in his warm palms, crashing his lips to mine before I can make a sound. "Thank god, it's you." He breathes, warm fingers sliding into my hair.

"W-Well—hello to you too." I barely manage to get out between his feverous kisses, making a noise in surprise when he pulls me flush to his chest. "What is it?" I ask softly, noticing the bothered look on his face; carefully running my fingers through his styled hair as he hides in my neck. "Another long day?"

"You have no idea." He sighs, looking up at me. "I was 2 seconds away from losing it."

"Don't-" I pause, thinking about it. A few memories of last week flash through my mind. "Well, you are kind of hot when you're angry..." In the proper context.

Baekhyun perks up, exhausted brown eyes regaining their sparkle. "Really?"

I hum to appease his hopeful expression, yelping when he pulls me into his arms, not expecting to be carried up from the desk so suddenly.

"Come here," He murmurs, walking around to sit in his chair, setting me on his lap. "I need strength to get through these reports."

Gently playing with his hair to calm down my racing heart, I tilt my head, "Do you have time for a lunch break?"

Baekhyun hums distractedly, kissing my forehead, holding me closer to his firm chest. "We can order in a little later."

Kyungsoo's words come back to mind while I watch Baekhyun continue to click around his computer, brown eyes squinted and brows furrowing more by the minute. I inwardly cringe at the move I'm about to pull, but… Our sandwiches' lifespan is ticking away. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

"But…" I pout, resting my hands flat on his chest, widening my eyes for effect as his focused orbs shift to meet mine. "But I made it."

"Let's eat now then," Baekhyun smiles, his steady gaze flickering all over my person. I swear I just witnessed his pupils dilating right before my very eyes. "Give me 5 minutes."

My lips quirk up, "One-"

"I'll set a timer." He laughs, shaking his head, reaching for his phone between his bright screen laptop and desktop PC.

Smiling in victory, I stretch across the desk to retrieve the basket, peeking at his computer accidentally. "Holy shit, is that Melody Hudson?" I straighten up, focusing on the magazine cover opened up on a famous website. "The model?" My eyes widen in awe of her tall blonde form modeling a stunning royal blue summer dress; the color bringing out the blue in her shining eyes. I place the basket on a clear spot on Baekhyun's crowded desk before rubbing his stiff shoulders. He must still be tense from work. "She's so pretty."

Baekhyun hums, placing a hand on my cheek. His gentle caress coaxes my eyes back to his. "But you're beautiful," He whispers, resting his forehead on mine, brushing a thumb over my lips.

There's nowhere to hide the red hue that springs onto my face, making him chuckle as I quickly turn back to start taking out our food.

"Would you like to accompany me to a photoshoot?" The tentative tone of his voice has me raising a brow.

"Sure!" Handing him his sandwich, I press a kiss to his cheek, carefully unwrapping my homemade fries. "I'd love to see you work behind the scenes."

"Actually..."

I look at him, mid-bite of my toasted turkey sandwich.

"I'll be in the scenes," He drops, soft lips quirking a boyish grin.

My grip on my sandwich rips a hole in the middle while preventing it from falling out of my hands. "I…"—Behind the scenes witnessing Baekhyun modeling?? With his god-tier body and knee-weakening smirks that have me crumbling from beyond a screen alone? Hell to the mother fucking yes! "O-Okay."

Baekhyun's brown orbs twinkle knowingly, an amused smile forming on his lips as he presses them to mine. "Great."

It's impossible to mask my excitement while slipping into the passenger seat of Baekhyun's Audi. The beautiful red highlights around the black interior never fail to leave my jaw dropped in awe, fingertips tempted to graze over every surface. I'd like to think a person's dream car matches their owner, and there's no denying how devilishly divine my boyfriend looks settling into the driver's seat.

Baekhyun's simple, black button-down shirt and matching jeans have me inwardly salivating—I don't even have the slightest clue of why he's going to a photoshoot today. Privé? A cover for a magazine? Possibilities are endless, but not just anyone can request an hour of his time during one of the busiest months of the year.

"Are you ready?" Baekhyun glances over at me, his unstyled hair tucked under a Privé corduroy camel baseball cap that I haven't quite seen before.

"Yes," I beam at him, tilting my head curiously. "Is that hat new? I don't think I've seen it before."

Baekhyun smirks, brown eyes glinting mischievously as he straps on his seatbelt. "Maybe." He rests a hand on the steering wheel and the other on my thigh, backing out of his designated parking space. "Hold on tight, baby. You're in for a long ride."

I blink, having no clue what kind of ride he means. When it comes to Baekhyun, you never know what you're getting yourself into, but you never really have to worry about it either. If I hadn't known him for a few years, I would have bugged him to tell me where we're going for the entire ride. But with a few years under our belt—and some long months spent sharing a close-knitted home—I can comfortably sit back and relax for the whole journey, because there is no Baekhyun without one.

•••

The parking lot outside of the building is relatively calm, with only a few staff members bringing in materials from their cars. Inside of the place, however, is a complete madhouse. Everyone is speed-walking to various rooms and popping up from behind every corner. Not a drop of silence in the heavily populated area.

"There's our man of the hour!" A tall, aged man steps forward to shake Baekhyun's hand, carefully cradling a camera strapped around his neck. "So glad you could make it. I hope we are not taking up too much of your time?" He inquires, pushing glasses further up his nose, glancing over at me.

"Oh no, of course not!" Baekhyun shakes his head, shifting closer to wrap an arm around my waist. "I invited my girlfriend to accompany me today." He clears his throat, reddening cheeks caught under the harsh spotlights. "I hope you don't mind."

"No, not at all," The man reassures, gesturing towards a staff member who quickly brings over a grey single-seat sofa. "The more the merrier. Here you go, Madam. Is the chair to your liking?"

"Yes, thank you," I smile, trying not to stutter, brushing my fingertips over Baekhyun's warm palm before taking a seat. He shoots me a little bashful grin as the photographer whisks him away, a team of stylists directing him to a chair on the opposite side of the room. It's amusing to see so many people fussing over his hair, pulling out hairspray, and presenting him with simple yet sexy articles of clothing.

A few other models are walking around in the same attire, giving off a cool vibe of the newest clothing line, but when Baekhyun steps out of a dressing room…

Holy shit.

No, seriously holy shit!

Baekhyun walks into the room, standing against a wall as stylists comb his hair over to the left side of his face, using sprites of hairspray to tuck the right side behind his ear. As if he doesn't look dangerous enough adorning a leather jacket, a black shirt with white scribbles I can barely make out from this distance, and camel pants with unique, black low-platinum shoes.

The staff directs him over to the area with a gray backdrop, lights and cameras focused all over the place. Baekhyun practically glides over there, oozing with that stunning Ceo confidence. At a closer look, I can make out the pretty image of open and outstretched hands in the white lines at the bottom of his shirt. The intriguing detail has my full attention until I feel a persistent stare.

I lift my eyes higher to meet Baekhyun's dark brown orbs��from me sitting in the back of the room or getting into character; I have no idea. Suddenly my red knitted sweater is a bit too warm despite not being in front of any bright lights. Just when I think it can't get any worse, the photographer announces that it's time to begin.

If I had known what I agreed to the other day, I would have been more prepared—or so I'd like to think. I mean, how does one prepare their feelings for watching their unfairly attractive, multi-millionaire boyfriend pose for the camera as if moments away from sweeping them off of their feet!? And not in a sweet way either. Nah, ain't nothing innocent about the lethal expression swirling within his dark brown orbs. Especially while they are pointed right at me.

The hairstyle they gave him just makes my situation worse. How am I supposed to sit still with this man gazing so intensely into the "camera"? Is this really the same drowsy Baekhyun who I have to wake up every Sunday morning? Where did his tiredness go? There ain't nothing exhausted about the way he is staring at me! And when they bring out a chair for him to sit on… No. Hell no. That's it.

Draping my sweater over the back of my chair has his covered lips curling up at the corners, I just fucking know it.

After a few more camera flashes, the stylists are back with a new outfit in tow, gesturing for Baekhyun to change. However, right as he is turning down the short hallway leading to the dressing room, someone comes rushing into the building.

"I'm so sorry I'm late!" A petite woman with a French accent flies into the hall. "Traffic was-" She skids to a halt, staring at Baekhyun as if she's seen a ghost, her brown wavy hair mid-loop of making a bun. For a long moment, nobody says a word, and then she's on the move, crossing the short distance within two furious strides.

Her slap echoes across the tall walls.

"To think I waited for you." She grits out between heated spews of French. Her gray eyes brimmed with tears shoot daggers into Baekhyun's wide-eyed ones. "To think I held onto the fact that maybe you actually cared." Her whole body shakes as staff members rush over to restrain her, calling her name over her loud obscenities in an attempt to calm her down, trying to pull her away from him before she can jump him. It takes three men to drag her back out of the building. A woman from the small crowd quickly follows, dropping a blue clipboard in her haste. We hear her panicked voice a split second before the door slams shut behind them.

I don't know when or how it happens, but I'm already on the other side of the room, reaching out for a stunned Baekhyun being fussed over by stylists. "Baekhyun?" My eyes flicker all over his shock-stricken face once they move out of the way for me. A lump forms in my throat at the look in his eyes. "B," I tentatively place my hand over his frozen one on his cheek, the red handprint visible between his fingers. "Baekhyun!"

He flinches, shaky pupils focusing on me. "Y-Yes?"

"Are you okay?" Emotions grip at my throat, making it hard to speak while my eyes keep shifting between his alarmed ones and his steadily bruising cheek. I take the ice pack a staff member hands over without a word, gently brushing his hand away to hold it to his face. "Come here."

Baekhyun silently follows me to the dressing room, seemingly in a daze as stylists vacate the room, closing the door on their way out. I lead him over to a swivel chair in front of a white vanity table, letting him settle before speaking. "What was that?"

"What was what?" He mumbles, breaking my heart at the sight of him pressing ice to his swelling cheek.

"You know what I'm talking about." Crossing my arms, I continue staring him down. "Who was that woman, Baekhyun? Why did she hit you?"

"I'll tell you later, baby." He avoids my eye and his reflection in the mirror, getting up from the chair. "Let's wrap this photoshoot up, hmm? Then we'll go home-"

Stumbling to reach the door before he does, I block his escape, looking into his conflicted eyes. "I'm not letting you leave this room until you answer me."

His lips twitch, "Baby-"

I cross my arms despite my racing heart, my stomach twisting in an ignored warning. "I need answers-"

"For fuck's sake, Riley!" He thunders, startling me so much I slam the back of my head on the doorframe. "Out of my fucking way."

I step aside without another word, turning my head away as he storms out of the room. The slamming door left in his wake has my heart jumping into my throat. Anxiety grips at my chest like a vice, making it hard to breathe. I latch onto a Privé clothing rack, holding onto it for stability.

Baekhyun's tone on the other side of the door is much calmer while talking to one of the staff. I wait for a few minutes, resting against the clothing rack until his voice drifts away; the loud taps of his shoes fading into the distance. No matter how far away he is—most likely continuing on with the photoshoot by the faint clicks of a camera echoing around the quiet building—I don't… I can't; I won't go back out there to watch him. No, not after that. I'm sure everyone in the vicinity heard what just happened.

Slipping out of the room, I gasp when I bump into someone else, my heart beating so hard it hurts to breathe. Could this day get any worse? Seriously? "I'm so sorry."

"You're fine," The same staff member I heard minutes ago with Baekhyun shakes her head, smiling in sympathy. "Tough morning, huh?"

I can only manage a deep exhale, nodding, "I guess you could say that, u-um—" I'm losing the battle against the sting steadily building behind my eyes. "Do you know where the bathroom is by any chance?"

"Just around the corner," She nods, pointing farther down the hallway. "First door on your left."

"Thank you," I breathe, hurrying down the hall. Before I can pass by her, however, I notice her angrily marking out a name with a black sharpie from the same blue clipboard that clattered to the floor earlier.

Nicole. The woman they dragged out earlier…

With tears finally breaking free from my sore eyes, I couldn't have reached the bathroom fast enough.

To my relief, the room is empty. Nothing but painfully bright lights and the porcelain floors to witness my current state. I walk up to the sinks with a shaky sigh, splattering cold water on my face. My reflection isn't a pretty sight to behold when I look into the mirror, bracing my hands on the countertop as I take in the streaks of mascara running down my face. The one day I decide to wear a non-fool-proof kind and this is what I get?

Sighing, I turn to lean my back against the counter, crossing my arms. The photoshoot is back in full swing with all the compliments the photographer is showering Baekhyun in. It's pretty pathetic of me to hide out in this ice-cold bathroom, but I rather shiver for a few minutes than face him right now. Something about the way he reacted earlier... To that woman, to me—doesn't feel right. Maybe I pushed him too far? I just… Do I not have the right to know who just slapped the hell out of my boyfriend? Hell yeah, I'll admit I want to know who she is because he's mine and she was acting as if she was waiting forever for him to recuperate her feelings, but it's not just about that. No—Nah. The deer in headlights expression on his face as her hand collided with his cheek will not leave my mind.

Whatever it is, whatever just transpired in front of me; something is off and I rather be out the line of fire while trying to figure it out.

"To think I waited for you" For what? For when? With the way things are going, I might never know the answer.

The lack of chatter filtering through the echoing walls of the room catches my attention. I tentatively peek out of the bathroom, stepping back into the hallway at the uncharacteristically quiet state of the building. Is the shoot over already? Pushing past my dimly lit surroundings, I head back to the dressing room, hesitantly standing in the open doorway. I'm confused to not find Baekhyun there, or in the main area when I poke my head over the edge of the short hallway.

"Excuse me?" I approach the nearest stylist, moving out the way of another one clumsily carrying out articles of clothing. "Have you seen Baekhyun?"

She shakes her head with a pop of her minty gum, giving me a solemn look. "Last I saw of him, he was on his way to the men's room on the other side of the building."

"Ah..." Dread fills my stomach, and something tells me that I rather not find out why. "Thank you," I murmur in passing, quickly making my way back out of the room, speeding down to the opposite hallway. The possibility that I got left behind in an unfamiliar part of the city twists my stomach into knots until I round the corner. I stumble to a halt, sucking in a breath. My heart breaks at the sight—and then the rage kicks in.

Baekhyun's broad form in his partially unbuttoned black shirt braces himself against the wall, looming over a model. Her hand is in his hair and their lips interlocked in an intimate kiss. The sight has my blood boiling—nah, it's turning into fucking lava.

"Wow." I bark out a laugh, loud and hollow, positively seething as he jumps back from her as if burned. "If you were going to cheat, you could have at least had the decency to do it behind my back." The smirk that forms on my lips is the worst kind, the ugliest kind, the kind that has fear flickering in Baekhyun's wide brown eyes. "Or was this your intention all along?"

"R-Riley-" He stares like a deer in headlights, hurrying over to me, smearing her red lipstick over his lips in his haste to rub it off with the back of his hand. "Baby, please keep it down. I can explain-"

"Nah," I shake my head, looking at him in disdain. Just the sight of him right now has me heating up with anger. I'm seeing red as the model smirks at me from over his shoulder. That bitch. "This is explanation enough." I spin on my heel before I do something I won't regret in the slightest, just for his sake.

Baekhyun's dress shoes tapping frantically behind me as I storm back into the main hall.

"Riley, baby." His grip on my wrist throws me over the edge. "Please-"

"What were you doing, huh?" A snarl forms on my face as I whirl back around, meeting his pleading eyes. "Gonna show her your failed attempts at lasting for longer than a minute?"

Everyone in the room pauses. The photographer almost drops his prized camera.

Baekhyun's face grows progressively red, and if it wasn't for the rage burning in my own veins, I'd be concerned about the vibrant hue going up to his ears right now. Just like his mishap a few days ago that would normally be insignificant, it was his grave mistake. The key that I used to fuel the fire to the flame in the most torturous of ways... Have I hit a nerve, Hyunnie?

His grip tightens on my wrist. "We," He barely gets out in an angered growl of his own, "Are leav-"

"Get your filthy-" I hiss, snatching my wrist out of his grasp, "Paws off of me." I grab my sweater on my way out, exiting the building without looking back. The bite of the cold wintry air is a relief for my heated skin. "I'm not going anywhere with you."

"I drove." He says through clenched teeth, hot on my heels.

"And I'm walking." I bite back, walking past the car as he climbs into the driver's seat.

"Riley!" Baekhyun bellows, putting the Audi in gear and slowly following me out of the parking lot. "Get in the fucking car!"

I cross my arms, scoffing out a laugh. It doesn't matter where the hell I am, I'm not getting back in that car with him. Bringing me all the way out here just to pull that shit. He can kiss my ass. I knew I shouldn't have gotten in that car with him. If I had taken my own four-seat beauty that I left back at home, I'd be halfway on the way to Jenny's by now.

Baekhyun continues to follow behind me, honking obnoxiously, attracting unwanted attention from bystanders that whisper amongst themselves. Some of them pull out their phones. What a spectacle we would make for the front cover of magazines, endlessly entertainment for all their peering eyes. Pausing for a moment to weigh my options, I step towards the Audi with a sigh, climbing in without a word to the fuming man next to me.

Baekhyun drives on, clutching onto the steering wheel with both hands. His grip is so tight his knuckles turn white. I direct my gaze out of the passenger window, avoiding him at all costs within the confines of the car. The long ride home and walk up to our apartment does nothing to ease my rage. Anger continues to thump angrily in my veins as the past two hours replay in my mind.

Baekhyun unlocks the door and holds it open for me. I walk into the apartment with a scoff, moving to tug off my boots only for my back to meet the wall, the front door closing with a startling slam.

"What was that?" Baekhyun glares at me, fire burning bright in his brown orbs. He can't exactly tower over me, but by his mannerism, he doesn't need any extra height to get his point across.

"What was that?" I mumble, peeling off my shoes, ducking under his arm to cross the other side of the room. The longer I stay in these warm clothes, the more I die from the uncomfortable heat.

"No, what the actual fuck, Riley?" He shakes his head, long strands of silver hair dangling in his fury-filled eyes. "You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Fine." I retort, rolling my eyes and looking at him, "Who was that woman then?"

His nostrils flare. "Really?" He bites out, laughing in disbelief. "Is that really important right now?"

I cross the room in three strides, tilting my chin up to stand nose to nose with him. "It is to me if you haven't fucking noticed."

"Oh, I'm so sorry." He scoffs, stepping back. A cruel smile curls on his lips. "What should I do? I haven't paid Riley enough attention." All traces of humor leave his features, his minty breath washing over my cheeks. Baekhyun leans in again, his voice lowering into an angered growl. "Maybe if you weren't wetting yourself over me all morning, you'd figure it out."

I grind my teeth. "Who. Was. She?"

"For fuck-" Baekhyun reels back, his brown eyes rolling so hard into the back of his head a flicker of worry sparks in my chest before those dark orbs land on me again. "An ex-fling," he grits out. "Why does it matter?"

My hands fall limply to my sides. "Why didn't you tell me she would be there?" I ask. My voice is much quieter while I search his eyes for answers.

"What?" He scoffs, raising a brow. "How was I supposed to know she would be there?"

"Her name was on the roster-"

"I-" He shakes his head, pulling harshly on his hair. "What? Do you expect me to know the names of the women I've slept with?" A smirk quirks at his pink lips, his brown eyes so dark that his pupils have vanished in their mahogany depths. "Do you think I've kept some journal? " He purrs, grinning in delight when I shuffle uncomfortably on my feet. "Are you really that insecure?"

I stiffen. A bolt of something sinister shoots down my spine. Did this fucker just—

"Me?" I point to myself with wide eyes, laughing incredulously. "Me?.... You know, that's real fucking rich coming from you." I sneer, roughly tugging off my annoying turtleneck. What was once a reliable piece of clothing ends up torn in my fit of rage. I fling it out of my sight. Baekhyun's words loop over and over in my head. Even though I don't show it—they cut me. Deep. On a touchy subject. In a part of me I thought had died 2 years ago. He damn well knows it hurts when it's mentioned in such a menacing manner, and he still did it. For what? His weak stamina in wake of his long hours at work is suddenly the equivalent to the root of my trust issues?

My fingers curl so tightly into a fist, I can feel my nails pierce the skin. "You're one to talk." It's easier this way; keeping my back turned to him so I can mask the tears brimming my eyes. Who does he think he is? Who is he, period? How is this the same adoring man that was pursuing me the summer we met?.... It takes all my effort not to bolt for the front door—not to let my nose run or tears to stream down my face. No. I won't cry over him again. I won't let him win. Not like this.

Firm in my resolve, I take a deep breath before turning to him again. "You're not so confident, Mr. Big Shot..." My words falter at the sight of him ripping his shirt open, black buttons clattering all over the floor. "What-"

Baekhyun has me backed against the wall before I can utter another word. "Did you enjoy yourself?" He demands, holding my chin between his thumb and index finger. He peers down into my eyes; the familiar look held in his dark orbs has me quivering on the inside—and it isn't from fear. "Hmm? Did you enjoy embarrassing me earlier? Did you have your fun?"

I quickly recover. "Not my fault you don't know how to keep it in your pants."

"You wish you were in my pants." He grits out, lips curling mockingly.

There are so many things I want to throw up in his handsome face right now. So many little secrets and observations I've made over the past year that would make him falter—make him kneel. But today...

Today.

I choose violence.

Tangling my fingers in his hair, I yank on his delicate locks without remorse, pulling him into a brutal kiss of tongue and teeth. Baekhyun grunts in surprise, pressing me harder against the wall. The harsh clash of our mouths only seems to egg him on. The stinging bite he leaves on my bottom lip is nearly enough to break the skin. I don't know how long we stand there; my hands in his hair and his palms sliding down my back. There's no telling where he ends or I begin until the lack of air sinks in. His breathless puffs for air erupt goosebumps on my skin.

"Are we really doing this?" He pants, pulling away to brush his hair back. His eyes are more familiar to me now, softened by his calmer state, intense from the lust felt in his every touch.

I pause my exploration of his firm chest, arching a brow at him with a mocking grin. "Think you can last longer than a minute this time?"

Baekhyun clenches his jaw and steps away. For a moment, I worry if I pushed him too far until his lips crash back to mine. "Jump," He mutters gruffly, his grip near bruising on my ass.

"And if I don't..." The look in his eyes as he drags his dark brown eyes up to mine shuts me up entirely.

Baekhyun slowly leans closer, brushing his lips against the shell of my ear. "I'll fuck you against the goddamn window." The serious expression on his face combined with the threat is damn near intimidating—and I hate how aroused it leaves me.

Baekhyun hoists me up and walks to our room with quick strides, relentlessly keeping his lips glued to mine. He pushes open the door before dropping me unceremoniously onto the mattress. His lips are back on mine before I can chastise him for the mini heart attack, his impatient hands tug at the rest of my clothes. I let him pull off my pants and hurriedly move to unclip my bra in the meantime before his rough actions can rip the expensive fabric.

Baekhyun freezes above me, brown eyes transfixed on my matching red lacy set. It may be winter, but that doesn't mean I can't dress up nicely underneath endless layers of flannel and wool. Although, when I think about what happened not too long ago... Warmth fills my cheeks and I know I'm blushing way too hard to have done this countless times with him.

"Ah." Baekhyun tsks, stopping me from covering my chest. "Take it off." He breathes, soft lips brushing over my neck. "Let me see these tits bounce for me."

My eyes widen at his crude words, a gasp escapes my parted lips when he sucks harshly on a sensitive spot on my neck, pulling down the straps of my bra at a snail's pace. The poor clothing is tossed over his shoulder without a care in the world.

I'm no stranger to Baekhyun's habit of leaving pink and red hues on my skin, but today is different—today it feels like he has something to prove by trapping my skin between his teeth, marking me as his. He doesn't stop at my neck; his restless mouth ventures lower, painting my collarbones and chest with the shape of his lips.

I grit my teeth as he reaches my breasts, determined not to let him win me over so easily. It doesn't matter how much I want to melt under his warm hands mapping out the contours of my waist or tremble in anticipation at his breath fanning over my sensitive nipples. No matter what, I will not crumble... until he does first, at least.

Yeah—easier said than done with the way he's tugging my nipple with his teeth, roughly rolling the other between his fingers. It's all fun and games until his grip tightens on my hip, his pelvis grinding mercilessly against me. A move that has my back arching clear off of the mattress. He just presses me back down to the bed, continuing to alternate between each breast, pulling away minutes later with a wet pop of his lips. He's relentless in using every weak spot of mine. As if he knows what I'm trying to do.

"Not today, baby," He murmurs to my squirming form, chuckling in my ear. I can't help but bite my lip, breath caught in my throat when his hand slides down my body. His large palm covers my clothed core entirely. If it were any other day, I'd be flustered over how true his words from earlier were; the evidence of my previous admiring and current state of euphoria clear as day to his greedy hand, tugging at my last piece of clothing.

My heart races in the realization that I'm lying under him, almost completely bare, as he remains fully clothed besides the ripped shirt clinging to his broad shoulders.

"Ah," Baekhyun smacks my hands away, flashing a grin full of devious intentions. "Don't worry your pretty little head."

He's yanking my underwear down before I can get a word in, tossing them carelessly off the bed and spreading my thighs as far as they'll go.

"Always so ready for me," He muses, spreading my folds apart with his thumbs. I stop breathing entirely when he leans down, spitting onto my pussy. "Your hungry cunt has been waiting all morning for me, hmm?"

My lack of response doesn't bother him in the slightest as he meets my eye, sliding two of his long fingers into my core so suddenly I shout, grabbing his wrist. Baekhyun just pries my fingers off of him before interlocking them with his freehand, bracing our joined hands above my head. My eyes roll back at the burn of the unexpected intrusion. It's a dull, persistent ache while he shoves his fingers deeper into my cunt. He curls them up in a way that has me shaking at the seams, tugging at his silver locks as he brings me dangerously close to the edge. Right when I'm nearing my high, he pulls his fingers out, nonchalantly sucking on them while fiddling with his belt.

I gulp, relaxing back against the sheets. I can't even be mad at this point. Our argument ended the moment I started that fiery-filled kiss, but—

Baekhyun's belt clatters to the floor and his brown eyes have never looked so fierce—so carnal, I wonder if he plans to eat me alive. What I don't expect is for him to crawl further up the bed like an actual predator hunting his prey to hover over me again; his gaze not straying from mine for a second. The warmth of his body encloses me; it's second nature to relax under him when we're like this—when we're touching the tip of the iceberg before diving headfirst into the chilly depths of our lust. Sex with Baekhyun isn't like playing with fire; it's handling dry ice with bare hands.

And being in love with him is one of the most intense and excruciating experiences of my life.

We spend so much time eye-fucking each other that I'm not prepared for the bruising kiss he pulls me into, sliding his cock into my core without a warning.

"Ah—B-Baek!"

"Hmm?" He humors, his low voice filled with lust. "Now she speaks."

"Baekhyun." I gasp when he spreads my thighs wider; the pull from the unfamiliar stretch adds to his incessant pounding—his hips seeming to snap a mile a minute. Oh, please—please don't let both of us have muscle strain tomorrow morning. I swear I've never seen him move this fast for anything. Ever. Baekhyun, what the fuck? Have you started back up on your late-night visits to the gym or something? He's reaching depths he hasn't quite reached before, hitting a spot inside my core that makes me want to cringe away and slam myself onto his cock at the same time.

I yelp out when he tilts my hips at a different angle, not meaning to scratch his back so hard in my hurry to cling onto him. Baekhyun just groans, slamming rougher into me in retaliation, his teeth firmly bite down onto my shoulder.

"Baekhyun! what the—ah—fuck!?" I nearly shriek, appalled and aroused.

Baekhyun smirks, sliding a hand down to press his thumb on my clit. "What's the matter, baby?"

"B-" I can't even say his name without stammering, shaking under him when he slows down to roll his entire body against mine. The only thing I'm capable of at this point is gripping his shoulders, throwing my head back with a loud moan. I always thought of myself as not being a fan of sweat or having any strange, warm liquids touching me, but Baekhyun... Fucking Baekhyun. His sweaty chest brushing over my nipples is making me lose my damn mind—if I was feeling any more horny and adventurous, I'd lick the salty sweat off of his neck.

"Come on." Baekhyun pants with a satisfied grin. Sweat continues to drip from his honey-toned skin, sticking silver locks to his forehead. "Tell me."

The fucker, he knows exactly what's up. It's written all over his face. A part of me doesn't want to beg—my rational side. The one chastising me for falling into bed with him again in the first place. But I don't know how much longer I can take his teasing antics, so despite my stubbornness—despite the heart aching memories creeping up on me in such an intimate moment; I press my body to his.

"Fuck me like you mean it." I pant, yanking harshly on his hair, smirking at his pained hiss until his hips undulate in a new direction. The constant stimulation on my most sensitive spots has my high sneaking up on me so quickly, I don't have time to warn him.

"Bae—!"

Baekhyun's lips crash to mine, swallowing my cry of his name as I fall over that blissful edge. His cock is the only thing on my mind amongst the ringing in my ears—in the minute-long paradise where nothing else matters but our frantic hearts racing as one.

Baekhyun lets out a telling grunt before a burst of warmth fills me up. The remains of his release drip down my thighs with his erratic, shaky thrusts. He doesn't even pull out when he's done. He just leans tiredly over me, coaxing my lips into a lazy kiss. "You're the only one for me." He whispers as if sharing the biggest secret, all rosy-cheeked and wide-eyed.

Beautiful; there's no other way to describe him—in general, in this moment. Nothing compares to his mocha brown eyes that shine brighter than a million stars when his steady gaze sets on me. Nothing compares to the safety of his warm embrace that surrounds me. Nothing could come close to the way he drives me crazy in every single way. Love. Lust. Doesn't matter. If it's with him—for him, it's...

...

Is it worth it?

The emptiness I feel when he gently pulls himself from me triggers every painful memory imaginable: my birthday, the party, our summer fight, his ex, that phone call, his photoshoot...

Baekhyun collapses beside me on the bed, completely oblivious to the war going on in my head. He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me close to his beating heart.

I wait for him to fall asleep, brushing damp silver locks of hair out of his eyes as his breathing slows. He looks so peaceful like that, so innocent while his face relaxes with sleep. So... So welcoming, like home.

Tears stream down my cheeks, blurring my vision of his twitching brows and pouted lips. I hope he's happy; I hope he got what he wanted.

Carefully sliding out from under his loving hold, I quietly get dressed, collect my duffle bag, and slip out of the room, holding onto the doorknob for dear life. His quiet mumbles drift through the crack of the door, tossing and turning as if already aware of my absence. I have to cover my mouth to contain my sobs.

I love him—I really do, but I...

I can't do this.

I can't take this anymore. If he won't open up to me; if he thinks I'm... I'm unworthy of knowing his past—hell, fuck that. Apparently caring too much leads to being left behind, if that encounter this morning is anything to go by.

My laughter just ends in more sobs, the salty taste of tears on my tongue more bitter with the realization that once again, I've lost.

But at what cost?

The ache in my chest and between my legs is an answer within itself—the last push I need to retrieve my car keys from the counter.

If he wants to be that way, Baekhyun... Baekhyun can do whatever the fuck he wants. What's the difference between me and all the others? What use am I? Is it because I learned how to cook? Clean? I wonder how many of those late nights at work are actually spent bent over his sketchpad. Am I his personal little stay-at-home trophy? Does it feel good to show me around important events? After today, I might as well hang up the thought of ever stepping into his world again. No one wants a possessive girlfriend in their corner of the wrestler ring. No one needs a jealous, nosy, demanding burden weighing them down. And I have my high standards as well.

I can—and will not—be one of those girls.

Not even for him.

•⇔♦ •⇔♦ •⇔♦ •⇔♦ •⇔♦ •⇔♦ •

A/N: I can feel the pitchforks on the rise, l-listen (<.<) just trust me on this, not all is lost.... Or is it? 😇 I’ll try to finish the next part as soon as I can. *cracks fingers* let’s see what this troubled couple gets up to next.

#baekhyun smut #baekhyun romance #baekhyun angst #baekhyun fluff #Six Phases

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sincerelyella · 4 years ago

Text

All In My Head Part 9

Book: The Royal Romance (AU)

Pairings: Liam x MC (Ella)

Characters belong to Pixelberry; MC Ella Brooks belongs to me.

Song Inspiration: You For Me by Johnny Gill

A/N: This is the last chapter! This is set in book 2 chapter 1, after the mess at the coronation takes place. MC has been stuck at Ramsford doing her daily lessons with the Beaumont brothers. Some canon but mostly went left with this! Liam’s social season lasted about 5 months. He and MC had been carrying on their relationship since the beginning, they just had to do this in secret.

Thank you @burnsoslow for pre reading and letting me bounce ideas off of your brilliant mind!

Warnings: Fluffs

Words: 1843

Liam was worried his father or Madeleine may ruin this day somehow. He had instructed Bastien to find out where his father and Regina had escaped to, and also to verify Madeleine’s whereabouts. It was initially assumed she was in Karlington but it was never proven. As it turns out, his father and Regina were in Karlington with Madeleine. Liam had quickly banished the trio from stepping foot in Cordonia, alerting the Royal Guard and the borders of the new law.

When Liam had told Ella about his father and Madeleine’s whereabouts, she was relieved, but also disappointed that no further punishment would come to them. That was the same day Liam made Ella the new Duchess of Valtoria, as part of becoming his Queen.

~The Cathedral~

The large, ornate doors of the cathedral were flung open and Ella started to walk forward slowly, holding her bouquet of overflowing white orchids and baby’s breath in front of her. She locked eyes with Liam at the front of the cathedral and continued to walk with purpose down the aisle. She didn’t look at anyone in the room, her gaze is solely for her King.

Liam’s breath caught in his throat and he eyes immediately well up. She’s all mine. Finally. He tried to look away from her so that he could stop the tears from falling, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Their eyes were locked on each others until she made it to the altar in front of him. Ella is the first to break eye contact as she turns to Hana to give her her bouquet.

As soon as his bride is face to face with him, his eyes sweep down Ella’s dress and back up again. “I … Ella … wow,” he stammered.

“You look very handsome my King,” she smiled up at him.

Leo cleared his throat, “Alright, let’s get to the marrying part now, shall we?” The congregation laughed as Liam gave his brother a warning look. Leo continued on, ignoring Liam’s glare, “We are all gathered here to witness the marriage of King Liam Rys of Cordonia and Duchess Ella Brooks of Valtoria. The commitment of love between Liam and Ella speaks of their shared experience together, their dreams for the future, of the importance of each of them as individuals as well as the special bond they share, and of the importance of their community of family and friends. Liam and Ella, your love is something that you both cherish, so much so that it’s moved you join in the union of marriage and create a home together. The pledge you make today shows your devotion to one another and to the love you share, and the words spoken here will support your marriage. Today, in the presence of your families and friends, you pronounce your love for each other and make a commitment that will define the next phase of your journey. Now,” Leo paused and looked at the couple. “I understand you both have written your own vows?” Liam and Ella nod. “Okay, Liam, please go ahead.”

Liam clears his throat and speaks with confidence, “Ella, I choose you. I choose you to stand by my side and sleep in my arms. I choose you to be the joy to my heart and the food for my soul. I choose you to learn and grow with me, even as time and life may change us both. I promise to laugh with you in good times and struggle alongside you during the bad times. I promise to respect you and cherish you as an individual, a partner and an equal, knowing that we do not complete, but complement each other. I love you, Ella, and I will always love you.”

Tears were running down Ella’s face, she couldn’t stop them if she tried, the emotions just came in large waves. Ella took in a deep breath as Hana stepped in to hand her a handkerchief to dry her eyes. She gave her best friend a grateful look and heard Leo speak, “That was beautiful, Liam. Ella?”

She looked up into Liam’s glistening eyes and smiled. “Liam,” her voice cracked and she cleared her throat and tried again. “Liam, I love you and will always love you unconditionally and without hesitation. I vow to love you, encourage you, trust you, and respect you. Today, I choose you to be my husband, my partner, my King. You have taught me that two people joined together can be far stronger and happier than each could ever be alone. You are the strength I didn’t know I needed, and the joy that I didn’t know I lacked. Today, I choose to spend the rest of my life with you.”

There wasn’t a dry eye in the cathedral, waves of sniffling and handkerchiefs being pulled out could be heard amongst the people. Liam and Ella’s tears were coming down their faces in an unbreakable stream.

“Ahh … okay. That was … well said, both of you.” Leo stammered and cleared his throat. “May we have the rings please?” Hana and Drake stepped forward with the rings and handed them to Ella and Liam.

Leo continued speaking. “Since ancient times, the ring has been a symbol of the unbroken circle of love, with no beginning and no end. Love given freely has no giver and no receiver, for each is the giver and each is the receiver. May these rings always remind you of the freedom and power of this commitment you make here today.”

Ella looked down at the two rings now adorning her fourth finger on the left hand and grinned wide. Liam hooked his finger under her chin and lifted her face to look at him. He smiled at her and found his eyes welling with tears again.

“By the power vested in me I now pronounce you husband and wife,” Leo announced. “Now what you all have been waiting for. You may now kiss the bride!”

Liam leaned down, grabbed Ella’s waist and pulled her tightly to his chest. He kissed her softly, but quickly became heated as her tongue grazed his bottom lip and entered his mouth. They kissed passionately and forgot there were people watching until they heard the applause and pulled away, breathless.

“Yeeeaaaaaaaa! Get it!!” Maxwell yelled as he and Drake clapped.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it is my greatest pleasure to present to you, the new Mr. and Mrs. Rys, the King and Queen of Cordonia!” Leo yelled excitedly.

~The Reception~

The new King and Queen sat side by side in the ballroom, listened to their friends make their toasts and watched dinner being served (chicken tagine). Liam looked around at the plethora of people in the room, then his gaze flicked to his new wife, his queen. I have everything I could ever need, right here. He leaned over to whisper into her ear, “My love, may I have this dance?” he put his hand out and she placed her hand in his.

“I would love to.”

He led her onto the dance floor and a song played over the speakers and they swayed together.

It seems like forever, That I have waited for you

In a world of disappointment, One thing is true

God has blessed me, And he’s blessed you too

In a world of lonely people, I’ve found you

Ella leaned back to look into Liam’s eyes. “Did you pick this song?” she felt her eyes stinging, her voice cracking as the lyrics hit her right in the heart.

“Yes, do you like it?” Ella could only nod yes, she felt like she lost the ability to speak. “I heard it and immediately thought of us. Why not make it our wedding song?”

We were once strangers, All by ourselves

Living alone, with no one else, But here we are

And it’s so, so sweet, God must have done this

Made you for me

Ella snuggled her face into his chest and continued to sway, feeling safe in his arms. They danced into the night with their friends and family surrounding them.

~Six months later~

Ella sat in on the rocking chair in the nursery, singing Alexander to sleep. Liam cradled Nicholas in his arms watching Ella with a small smile. The twins were about a month old, born at 35 weeks and the doctor had given them the all clear to head home without a NICU stay. When Alexander was finally asleep, Ella slowly got up and placed him in his crib. Liam followed suit and tucked in Nicholas next to his stuffed bear. The new parents made sure the baby monitor was on, crept out of the nursery and left the door open a little bit. Once in the living area they both plopped down onto the couch and sighed.

“I want to take a nap for … forever,” Liam breathed out.

Ella laughed, “Well, we can definitely do that. We haven’t had a full night’s sleep in weeks.” She didn’t hear anything from Liam, so she looked over at him and found he had already passed out, snoring softly. Ella shook her head with a smirk, nestled onto his side and fell asleep almost immediately.

#All In My Head #trr fandom #trr fanfic #choices trr #trr #the royal romance #choices the royal romance #the royal romance fanfic #the royal romance au #the royal romance fanfiction #the royal romance fandom #choices liam x mc #choices trr au #choices liam #Liam x Ella #Liam x MC #King Liam

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naruthings · 5 years ago

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THE NEJITEN FANFICTION RECOMMENDATION MASTERLIST

oh, anon, the lack of nejiten fics thrive in the hearts of many… i may have similar experiences myself……………

but fear not, i have searched far and wide and i have returned and came back stronger than ever before!!! after re-reading every single nejiten fic i have on my favorites… handpicked the best ones and returned with even more fic recs!!! so ladies and gentlemen, i present to you, only THE BEST NEJITEN FICS YOU WILL READ ON FANFICTION DOT NET. HERE WE GO!!!

HALL OF FAME: ONE-SHOTS

THE BEST one-shots you will find on the site. Some are fluffy, some are sad, some will make you want to rip your heart out. But rest assured that without a doubt these fics are the absolute frivvy. These will not disappoint!

Tier 1: Spring — Here we appreciate the beauty of simplicity. Fics full of fluff and spunk that end in one and will make you end up feeling peppy and happy afterwards. A refreshing break from the complexities of life, short and sweet but nicely written, representing everything bright and new and blossoming, but most importantly, pure. So, friends, get your toothbrushes ready, because you are in for a sweet ride!

Tags: fluff, romance, humor, family, friendship

1. The Kissing Booth by BrownEyedHoneyBadger

— “ Lee was already reaching for a dollar inside his pocket. Mentally, Tenten began to scream. No. No. NO. This could not be happening. She should get up and run. Screw charity work. She was not kissing the guy whose eyebrows were furrier than the school mascot.”

Comments: A great start into the journey. NEJI IS SO GODDAMN SMOOTH. basically this fic is incredibly witty and genius. ugh!!

2. Psst! by Arkana

— “Lee finds out about Neji and Tenten’s relationship the hard way. The VERY hard way. “

Comments: I BUST MY ASS LAUGHING AT THIS ONE. I SWEAR THIS IS THE BEST, SWEETEST MOST IDIOTIC SHIT I HAVE EVER READ. PLS GIVE IT A GOOO

3. Conversations: Somniloquy by Mendori-chan

— “Neji. Your spit is warm.“

Comments: A storytelling all in dialogue. The perfect reenactment of something supposed to be short and sweet. I loved the dialogue and continue to love it!!

4. Godiva by Toboe Lonewolf

— “Neji had broken one of the most hallowed rules known to woman. ‘Thou shalt not steal her chocolate.’ Tenten’s going to make sure he never does it again. At least, not without her permission.”

Comments: just the fluffiest fluff out there!!

5. Screw Chivalry by Hearts and Stuff

— “Tenten didn’t want to do it. Really. But Neji shouldn’t have been such a butt.”

Comments: FUNNY AND HUMOROUS. I loved this so much! Has one of my favorite dialogue in any fic, really. PROBABLY REREAD THIS LIKE 100 TIMES IN 7TH GRADE

6. Hindsight by YamiPaladinofChaos

— “Sasuke and Tenten, on a date? Neji is not happy, not in the least. And of course, it’s all Naruto’s fault. No, really. It is.”

Comments: Okay, THIS SHIT WAS HILARIOUS. OH MY GOD. THANK U FOR THIS WONDERFUL AND FUNNY ASS FIC. kinda gets weird tho but i guess it’s part of the appeal.

7. I’m a Kunoichi, But by notesonlife

— “Tenten and Neji read a feminist book. And of course, trouble ensues, as Neji becomes increasingly aware that Tenten is currently, and may have always been, a girl.”

Comments: So, guys, notesonlife has always been one of my favorite authors early on my nejiten phase, and this is one of my favorites. please read their other stories as well!

8. The Problem with Hats by Aquarius Galuxy

— “Broken a/c, a tipped-over Weinermobile, and a girl who can’t seem to stop bugging him. It seems as if Neji’s day can’t get any worse than this.”

Comments: A sweet, well written fic by one of the writing senpais herself, @aquariusgaluxy ! I love both Neji and Tenten here so much!! NEJI IS SO FCKN CUTE HERE!! AND CHEEKY TENTEN!!!! AAA

9. Mission: Reverse Nejiten by Adelle-chan

— “Tired of all the failed attempts, Naruto uses Lee’s beliefs to get the two together. Or sort of.”

Comments: HOLY CRAP THIS WAS GREAT AND FUNNY AS HELL. Characterization is on point. This is my definition of a perfect naruto fic — where the other characters interact with the ship and the dynamic is great, like it’s part of the main story all along. i fucking love this one.

10. Truth Be Told by Mistress of Sarcasm

— “Hyuuga Neji falls for Tenten the day she almost broke his nose. Tenten doesn’t think of Hyuuga Neji as boyfriend material until an hour before he confesses.”

Comments: Holy crap! this was sweet as fuck! also one of the OG fics I want you all to read. Please give it a try!

11. Fifty Winks by Sandataba

— “Oversleeping is sometimes a good thing.”

Comments: Nice and Fluffy. shit u want to eat. I found the last part super cute!!!!! STILL think abt this fic from time to time.

12. Boxers by notesonlife

— “In which Tenten reorganizes Neji’s underwear drawer, and Neji decides to propose.”

Comments: OKAY, THE FLUFF IN THIS ONE WAS SIMPLY TOO MUCH. IT WAS TOO GOOD MAN. PERFECTION.

13. Rush Hour by Poisoned Scarlet

— “It was during one of those days; when the crowd was at it’s fullest, that he strolled into the shop and inadvertently humiliated her.”

Comments: Heehee. this one was cute.

14. Actions Speak Louder by Lotos-Eater

— “Short oneshot containing a dangerous amount of fluffiness. The surgeon general recommends you brush your teeth immediately after reading.”

Comments: HOLY FUCK. THIS ONE WAS SO, SO CUTE. ISTG THIS SHIT WAS. AAAAAAA. JUST PERFECT. *CHEF’S KISS* PERFECT.

15. Keeping Up Appearances by 716799

— “Them? Caught in the act? NEVER.”

Comments: okay, at first i was a little hesitant to add this fic but THOUGHT IT WAS THE PERFECT ENDING!! SO SWEET N FLUFFY!!!

MORE UNDER THE CUT!!

Tier 2: Summer — Stories serving as a reminder of our lazy, hazy days of summer — complete with all the thrumming romance, sexual tension, and drama that reflect easily so on those summery teenage memories. They’re sweet, spicy, sometimes heavy, but have all the ingredients you need for the perfect sunset fics. Read with passion! Let’s go!!

tags: romance, drama, lime, spicy

1. a memory stick filled with myspace friends by straw8erries

— “fake facebook dating: it’s really cute, she swears.”

Comments: Funny, spicy, a little heavy, but nonetheless hot, what other story to start off this tier? It’s a college AU , maybe not with the closure that you would expect from something like a summer romance, but it has these moments that shine.

2. Singing Sirens by 716799

— “Everything about this says that it’s not going to work. But Tenten has always specialised in disasters, and nothing in their world is a coincidence.”

Comments: Sooooooo hot. I love the goddamn dialogue, the characters feel so fresh and new but so true to heart at the same time. Please give it a try!

3. In Coffee City, We Borrowed Heaven by Aquarius Galuxy

— “It wasn’t as if he wanted to take this class, anyway. Reproductive Health 1101 was for people who couldn’t look up information on Google. Or someone who needed a science module to fit in his already-packed schedule. Hyuuga Neji belonged to the latter group of students, and he was in no mood to explain himself.“

Comments: As always, @aquariusgaluxy never fails. This was equally hot and equally clever, and you can’t help but with it were longer, but isn’t that the point??? sometimes ambiguity is also magical

4. Sixth Time’s the Charm by thedarkangel22

— "Gosh, Neji, where’s your sense of adventure, huh?” “I managed to lose it somewhere between the third and fourth time we were caught with your hand down my pants.” Where Tenten and Neji can’t seem to resist one another.

Comments: I remember reading this fic over and over again because I couldn’t get over how nicely written it was. Great plot, set up, dialogue, seeks excitement throughout the whole fic. Exhilarating. Pls read.

5. Revolver by Scintazzle

— “’You’d better not get in my way, incompetent novice.’ Tenten just got a new partner in crime. Unfortunately, he’d like nothing better than to work alone.”

Comments: Holy holy shitttttt, what is it with nejiten and agent cop AUs? They’re so goddamn hot. This one is no exception.

6. Recess by NessieGG

— “Tenten gets stuck on desk duty, but it’s a kind she’s not used to. 'Neji, I’m not going to have a make out session with you in a broom closet.'”

Comment: One comment: hehehehHHEHEHEHEHEHE

7. Eggnog by iflip4dolphins

— “She had slept with her worst enemy, and now she was trying to remember what had happened.”

Comments: OH MY GOD, this fic has such a good writing style. And such a great composition too. I just love everything about this fic. More love for this fic please. i super love it. I REREAD IT ALL THE TIME. IT’S LIKE MY GO-TO FOR PERFECT NEJITEN CHARACTERIZATION AND FLUFF. You will too!

8. Tension by Interim

— “Tension mounts when Tenten finds a surprise in her shower.”

Comments: YES. HDFGIHILHGIH.

9. I Swear I’m not Drunk Officer by fanfictioner22

— “The title says it all.”

Comments: THIS WAS FUNNY OK. and it had that spicy tinge to it that makes u wanna go mmmmf. MOTHERFUCKER!!

10. Airless by NessieGG

— “This was not the type of assignment that Team Gai specialized in. 'There’s something else you should know about the Grass nin…'”

Comments: OH MY GOD, this fic is all sorts of special! The drama, the tension…. the best resolution ever. written impeccably by the ever-talented nessiegg too. god i love this fic. it rlly has it all. v captivating!

11. In Men’s Clothing by voidforrent

— “It wasn’t that Neji didn’t find Tenten’s breasts attractive; he was just trying to be respectful.”

Comments: Oooowee, I remember not liking this fic the first time i read it. but as i grew older i realized HOW FUCKING HOT THIS FIC ACTUALLY IS. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING. IT WILL MAKE YOU SWEAT!!

12. Racetrack to My Heart by Aquarius Galuxy

— “Ino takes Tenten to a blind date - except it’s not quite blind, and not quite what the latter expects.”

Comments: BRUH THIS FIC WAS HOT AND BRILLIANT. THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY. NEJI AND TENTEN ARE SO FUNNY HERE. YOU WILL NOT REGRET THIS!!!

Tier 3: Autumn — Stories with pain, stories with substance. Stories that have something to say, making our hearts hurt, breaking them. Stories that are subtle, with some sort of comfort in the air. Bittersweet. A lot to take in. Stories that speak to the mind and soul. Stories with words and feelings as vivid as the warm colors of autumn, as the seasons prepare for the occurrence of death, and the winter to come.

tags: drama, hurt/comfort, romance, angst

1. Little Feet Working the Machine by pusa-is-me

— “There is a reason why Team Gai is not sent on seduction missions.”

Comments: This is, I think, the perfect fic to describe this tier. Painful and subtle. Plays with your feelings. Raw & powerful. Again, one of the first few things I ever read about nejiten. still think abt it from time to time.

2. Christmas, 1944 by Giada Luna

— “Not all of the War Efforts were 'Over There.’ Tenten comes home froma long shift at the factory to an empty home, Bing crooning on the radio, and dreams of a Christmas with him back home.”

Comments: sad sad sad. then happy happy happy. cries and smiles. LOVED IT.

3. 13 Unmentionables by pusa-is-me

— “This is not a love story. At least not yet.”

Comments: OH MY GOD. OH MY FUCKING GOD. THIS FIC…. IT BROKE MY HEART, IT TORE ME TO PIECES. SOMETHING ABT IT JUST MAKES ME FUCKING ACHE. MAKES MY HEART THROB. GODDAMN. SO MUCH PAIN. IT’S SO FUCKING RAW.

4. Mindless Perversions of Love and Life by voidforrent

— “There were times when she couldn’t help but wonder why.”

Comments: (we’ve won, but at what cost?) :(

5. Birds by Snowshinobi

— “Birds fill his lungs, his throat, but still, not one reaches his mouth.”

Comments: Okay, okay. Tbh i rlly don’t know how to categorize this fic. did it break my heart? did it make me squeal? but something in my heart told me to categorize it as autumn. pls have fun because this is beautiful.

6. Certain the Journey by NessieGG

— “He made her understand that, to him, her love was absolutely worthless.”

Comments: Omg :(((( okay but this was beautiful as well.

7. fragmented dreams by Seynee

— “She has loved everything about him that hurts.”

Comments: so fucking beautiful. almost perfect. loved it.

8. Stitch my heart back together again by SaturnXK

— “There is nothing I don’t love about you, Tenten,” Neji says softly. And Tenten wants to cry because it isn’t true. There are too many things wrong with her, and Neji is a liar.

Comments: OH MY GOD, this one attacked me right in the heart. it just… please just read it. it’s so pretty.

9. Mine for the Night by syaoran no hime

— “For this whole night, she will close her eyes and pretend that he is hers, his glacial heart and all. For tomorrow, she can never have the same liberty again.”

Comments: AHAHAHAH i remember reading because of this one. this author is just so og and so good :’)

10. Since Spring by NessieGG

— “Neji is driven to the brink of his sanity when his teammate disappears and is given an option. 'I can use a technique that will allow you to forget every memory you have of Tenten.'”

Comments: raw. powerful. ugh. a lot of feelings in this one, wrapped under beautifully written strings.

11. Those Old Feelings Again by Poisoned Scarlet

— “It wasn’t that they weren’t aware of their attraction for one another… it was just that one was good at burying it, and the other was too stubborn to admit it.”

Comments: :( and then :)

12. Bergeron Falls by Goldberry

— “It’s been five days since they’ve seen the sun and everything is water.”

Comments: oh, thank god i recommended a goldberry fic or else i’d never be able to forgive myself. yes this is very beautiful as always :)

13. Lotus by memory’s marionette

— “Even if I now saw you only once, I would long for you through worlds, worlds.“ Because one life is not enough for love, and the past forever bleeds into the future.

Comments: SUCHHHH a beautiful fic. oh my god. i almost want to highlight this and show it to the world because that’s just how good it is. reincarnation done and written perfectly. i love love love this fic~~~

14. Right Before His Eyes by NessieGG

— “There has been a change in Tenten that Neji does not understand. 'You’re leaving the team.'”

Comments: classic nessiegg :)

15. Falling Flight by Toboe Lonewolf

— “When Tenten falls, she falls hard. And right now, she’s falling hard…for him.”

Comments: OKAY, well honestly, I WAS SO EXCITED TO FINALLY RECOMMEND THIS. i know this isn’t drana/angst but it just felt right for me to recommend this under autumn. plsplspls enjoy!!

Tier 4: Winter — The end of the year, the end of an era. Bonds strengthened and broken. Friendships were made. Read as the branches of winter fill up with snow, trees of knowledge that have been through the seasons, preparing to die with everything they have with them. Stories about growing up. Stories about family. The beginning and the end. This is their outcome.

tags: family, hurt/comfort, angst, romance, friendship, fluff. basically all the tags. if you’d notice they’re all growing up fics with exceptions to some but i think you’ll understand :) this tier is more assorted but the feels speak the same

1. She Was There by Ally1313

— “She was there. She was always there.”

Comments: I don’t know why, but something about this fic always makes me want to cry. It has a very special place in my heart. I first read this when I was 12, and I loved it so goddamn much. THIS FIC, IT CHANGED MY LIFE. IT INSPIRED ME TO LOVE NEJITEN MORE THAN EVER. SO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ENJOY IT!! OH GOD I LOVE IT SO MUCH. WHAT A GREAT WAY TO START OFF WINTER.

2. Chichue by keroRiBBIT

— "I’m nervous,” Neji said. Hizashi smiled at him, “There’s nothing to be nervous about.” “You said that before too.” “Have I ever been wrong?” Neji growing up in Hizashi’s care.

Comments: OH HIZASHI. THIS FIC IS THE CUTEST GODDAMN THING I HAVE EVER READ. LOVE ITTTTT

3. coda in d minor by metaphorically-blue

— “She doesn’t look like her father. /And children can’t recognize grief./”

Comments: this fic has been recommended to be by someone on tumblr before. needless to say, it broke my heart. a short angst break :’)

4. Fate by Silverlight

— “The first date, the first kiss, the first time he asked her to marry him.”

Comments: cute cute cute cute!!

5. 20truths: Neji and Tenten by Cyberwolf

— “The longest conversation the two have in school is when Tenten explains the advantage of titanium shurikens over plain steel ones to Neji, then wishes him luck in the target range.”

Comments: Of course, this winter growing-up-fic collection wouldn’t be complete without a 20truths!!

6. Only You by Byakuxhisa4eva

— “There are very few things he would ever deny her.“ Even at his cruelest, he had always been kind to her.”

Comments: okay, now this one is a classic :)

7. Shadows of the sun by withered

— “Death changes nothing, even when Neji is gone; Tenten is still trying to reach him.”

Comments: another short but necessary angst break :’)

8. A Series of Indecent Proposals by Pleasantries and the Aftermath

— “The first time he kissed her, she slapped him so hard, she left a welt.”

Comments: very very cute. they are just so. goddamn cute. very well written and nice characterization.

9. Drifting by Ariel32

— “They were drifting down a river, and the only thing that mattered was that they were driting together. You can’t help being in love.”

Comments: AAAAAAAAAAAAA this was so pretty!!!

10. Twenty Truths About Team Guy by RennaV

— “Twenty Truths about Team Guy the rest of Konoha doesn’t know. Mostly comedy and focusing on the relationships of the members of Team Guy. It does end kind of sadly. Sorry.”

Comments: OK THIS IS A BIG ONE. A BIGBIGBIG ONE. I REMEMBER reading this and wailing like a little baby. i really cried a lot. this one built up my heart and shattered it to pieces. beautiful.

11. Soul-Marks by fanfictioner22

— “The soulmate!AU Nejiten style.”

Comments: this one was so clever and thoughtful. so goddamn funny and full of substance. LOVED IT.

12. Irresistible by MyFallenAngel

— “The fact that Hyuuga Neji was irresistibly irresistible was undeniable.”

Comments: This was one of the fics I read earlier on, and it was SO CUTE. Everything was just so pure, so undeniably Nejiten. Please, give it a read!

13. Papercranes by Bloody Angels

— “The paper cranes have always been a part of her life and perhaps, they always will be.”

Comments: CAN YOU HEAR IT???!? MY HEART ROSE AND FELL. SO PRETTY. SO BEAUTIFUL!! broke it too. cried like a little bitch.

14. Blind by Midnight Insomniac

— “She is sixteen and in love.”

Comments: HNNNGGG THIS ONE RLLY STRUCK A CHORD IN MY HEART. THIS ONE ALWAYS STANDS OUT TO ME FOR SOME REASON. LOVE IT!!

15. Chance Encounters by Scintazzle

— “That humiliating moment where Tenten grabs the shoulder of a person who she thinks she knows, turns him around, and doesn’t recognize him. At all. And things just go downhill from there.”

Comments: CUTECUTECUTECUTE AAAAA

16. Severing Ties by fanfictioner22

— “Some ties are better severed and Tenten learns it the hard way.”

Comments: angst breakkkkk but it was v beautiful :’)

17. Truth Be Told by MistressofSarcasm

— “Hyuuga Neji falls for Tenten the day she almost broke his nose. Tenten doesn’t think of Hyuuga Neji as boyfriend material until an hour before he confesses.”

Comments: I REMEMBER THIS ONE. IT WAS SO CUTE. I LOVED NEJI AND TENTEN IN THIS. ONE OF MY PERSONAL FAVS :)

18. The Seasons by sotto.voce88

— “Love was never seasonal.”

Comments: v beautiful :)

19. Patchwork by NessieGG

— “When she thought he was sleeping, he saw her get scissors and snip off a section of the yellow sheet beneath their intertwined bodies.”

Comments: I remember always avoiding this fic no matter how much times it popped up on my feed. I remember it was because I was very scared of how heavy this fic would be. I was right. It’s too beautiful for words. I CRIED AGAIN. JESUS I RLLY CRIED WITH THIS ONE. Just really the perfect way to end this tier, please read Patchwork!! (classic nessiegg, always beautiful :(()

Okay, now that concludes my oneshots recommendations!! I get to breathe a little now :)) please read all of them. they really are the best of the best. Now moving on…

THE KONOHA INTERLUDE: OUTSIDE LOOKING IN

nejiten oneshots/ficlets written in the perspective of the konoha 13!! pls enjoy these for they are genius :)

1. The Lost Things by pusa-is-me

— “Where Shikamaru realizes that the Hyuuga Neji does know how to get jealous, and that for all her intelligence, Tenten was pretty oblivious.”

Comments: A little ShikaTen is always cute for me. I love shikamaru and love it when he appears in nejiten fanfictions because he of all people know how oblivious those two are to one another :))

2. No Competition Here by carved in the sand

— “You think your man has anything on mine?”

Comments: Pure crack-ish fluff and humor

3. Replacements by 716799

— “Nothing is ever as good as the real thing. (One day, she will ask him to henge.)”

Comments: o noessss…. but also AN ABSOLUTE MUST-READ. THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE NEJITEN FICS OF ALL TIME. i LOVE THIS SO GODDAMN MUCH AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL AS FUCK NOT TO MENTION GENIUS!!

4. Exchange by Wielder of Paperclips

— “In a short exchange of words, Shikamaru enlightens Tenten. “

Comments: ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAVORITES. GOD I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC EVERY DAY. THE DIALOGUE IS SO CUTE AND SHIKA IS THE BEST!!

5. Princess by insert cliche

— “One of the biggest reasons why Uchiha Sasuke hates Hyuuga Neji is also the most unknown.”

Comments: vv cute!! a stoke of genius

6. Bad Dog, No Biscuit by Lotos-Eater

— “Or, Inuzuka Kiba’s Even Longer Day. Kiba is not quite the player he thinks he is. Will there be anyone to appreciate his animal magnetism and rugged charm?”

Comments: KIBA IS A GENIUS. I REALLY REALLY LIKE HIM AND I THINK THAT HE WAS WRITTEN REALLY WELL IN THIS FIC. PLS READ THIS ONE IT’S HILARIOUS.

7. Inner Light by NessieGG

— “She had heard the rumors. But she had never gone so far as to assume that they might be true.”

Comments: OMG. THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL. I really just like anything to do with Sakura. She’s so ugh here you really really feel her. Beautifulll

8. Sempiternal by saccharinely

— “In which she sends the letters left unsent. She needs closure. He gives it to her.”

Comments: A really beautiful SasuTen fic. Somehow it should be triggering but it all makes sense to me :)

HALL OF FAME: FICLETS

a.k.a.: stories that are too long to be oneshots but are too short to be actual fanfics. usually around 2-3 chapters but wouldn’t have been done any better :))

1. On Sex by Lotos-Eater

— “With titles like this, who needs summaries?”

Comments: Really, it seems shallow, but it’s truly one of the best-written, most beautiful and introspective things I have ever read. it really grew on me and I love it so goddamn much!! IM SERIOUS I RLLY LOVE THIS ONE ITS ONE OF MY GO-TOs

2. Goldilocks by a Different Name by Aquarius Galixy

— “Tenten discovers that someone has been living in her apartment when she goes away on long missions.”

Comments: vv cute fic with very witty dialogue :) neji is cute

3. Call Your Manager by Clementive

— “Tenten’s feelings for her English project partner are as complicated as his coffee order.”

Comments: another really cute fic. Tenten is a legend!!

4. Heatwave by Yahboohbeh

— “When she found her breath again it was ragged. Only one thought tore through her mind: Consume me. The Suna sun wasn’t the only reason their faces burned.”

Comments: very very hot n spicy like the title and caption suggesttttS

5. Perchance by KNO

— "Wow, what are the odds we’re both at the same party AGAIN?”

Comments: ONE OF MY FAVORITE NEJITEN FICS OF ALL TIME. i love this one so much. so witty and smart, especially all the expressions and dialogue. Super cute too!!

6. Four Conversations on the Subject of Flight by wildcatt

— “Flying is not as perfect as you imagine it to be, you know. Flying is just falling up.”

Comments: So fucking affecting all the time, I sweat. For some reason I always remember this fic when i think of nejiten :0 PLSPLS READ THIS ONE!!

7. Confessions by Cyberwolf

— “Tenten is trying to tell Neji something. He’s not quite getting it.”

Comments: THIS ONE WAS VERY VERY FUNNY AND CUTE. I LOVE ANYTHING WITH THE KONOHA 13. BRILLIANT!!

8. The Only Alliance by notesonlife

— “A black leather bound sketchbook binds her to him, and breaks her against him.”

Comments: THIS ONE WAS BEAUTIFUL. TRULY A HALL OF FAMER. SO MUCH SUBSTANCE AND ALWAYS STICKS WITH YOU. WRITTEN VERY PRETTILY. PLS READ!!!!!!!!

HALL OF FAME: ONE-SHOT COLLECTIONS

a recommendation panel of the best one-shot collections you will ever find on the site!! as if a single one-shot was enough… :”)

1. Vicissitude by KNO

— “A collection of drabbles and one shots. Neji and TenTen pairing. Contains regular appearances of other characters.”

Comments: THIS. THIS IS PROBABLY MY FAVORITE. EVERY frickn oneshot in here is a gem and i treasure all of them in my heart. genius, too. In here stems a lot of my favorite nejiten oneshots ever. PLEASE GIVE IT A TRY!!

2. The Path to Ashes by notesonlife

— “Neji says it’s their fate. Tenten shows him nothing is secure like that. NejiTen. 017: Naruto’s smirk reached ear to ear. “Next, whoever both gets twelve will kiss.”

3. One shots: Neji and Tenten by I-Heart-Hatake-Kakashi

— “100 Nejiten oneshots. Chapter 100 - Happy Birthday Neji!”

Comments: okay, when in your entire life do you get to say: “I WROTE 100 ONESHOTS FOR NEJITEN” ever???!?!? well, this author can! they actually wrote 100 nejiten oneshots and all of them were so unique and affecting and had this certain continuity to it that left me in tears when I finished.

4. Shades of Konoha: Dragon and Phoenix by Giada Luna

— “Series of oneshots featuring Neji and Tenten. Chapter 32: NejiTen Month 2019: Body/Cursed * They tell him he is born to bound - and he believes them.”

Comments: I have only recently discovered this collection and have been loving it so far. Props to Giada Luna for all the times I smiled bc of these!!

6. Right, Wrong and What Falls Between by Aquarius Galuxy

— “What is, what was, what may have been. (Part 34: Three feet away, Neji continues to read his papers, as if ignorant of what she’s doing.)”

Comments: ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAVORITES. God I really love these. There are some real gems in this collection. Genius fics. PLEASE READ THIS ALONG WITH POSTCARDS. THEY ARE BOTH QUITE GENIUS.

7. Untouched by MakeYouSmile

— “Why are you doing this to me?“ Tenten asked quietly. Neji did not give her the pleasure of responding. "After all that’s happened, you’re still standing in the same place.” –A collection of Neji/Tenten shorts.

Comments: A lot of beautifully written Romance/Angst on this one. Really heavy n affecting!!

8. Perks and Pains by keroRiBBIT

— “There are pros and cons in every situation. Most of the time, one just outweighs the other. Ch. 3: A lover with such long hair. Perks: It comes in handy when you desperately want to hold on to something. Pains: It tends to get messy in the morning.”

Comments: SHORT BUT GENIUS. THIS SHIT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS, TAKE MY WORD ON THIS. THE FIRST CHAPTER ALREADY HAD ME HOOKED. SERIOUSLY IT’S HILARIOUS AND GENIUS AND AURGHHH PLS JUST GO READ IT!!!

9. Careless Whispering by misspandalily

— “17: Neji, Tenten and Lee are fairies who run a catering business together. Mostly AU oneshots.”

Comments: VERY CUTE FIC COLLECTION by one of my closest nt authors!! pls give it a try!!

10. Lotus Blossoms and Other Musings by Yahboohbeh

— “Collection of one-shots. Part 28: Her eyes were nothing like his.”

Comments: Very sweet collection :))

HALL OF FAME: MULTICHAPTERED

okay, okay, i gotta admit, i’m not particularly the strongest in this department. yes, I am quite knowledgeable on nejiten one-shots, but unfortunately i have not read a lot of the longer ones. but the ones here… they’re really good. so with those words, i hope and trust that you will enjoy these :)

1. Manager and Other Side Jobs by Scintazzle

— “Accepting the shady job offer wasn’t really one of her best choices…but discovering she threw up on her future boss was even worse. Tenten’s new relationship brings a whole new meaning to complete and utter servitude.”

Comments: THIS FIC. I have so much feelings with this fic. Scintazzle’s writing is one of the few that I can actually follow through. Very interesting plot and a lot of sexual tension. !!!

2. Eyes Like Pale Thistle by Aquarius Galuxy

— “She crawled beneath his skin and questioned the way he saw life. Perhaps all he’d wanted, really, was a little bit of control.”

Comments: I REALLY REALLY LOVE THIS ONE. Was super hot but had a lot of substance and a lot to say. Had moments of brilliance that I really appreciate!

3. Neji Gaiden by Levi Ackerman

— “Inspired by recent omake - if Neji wants a gaiden, Neji will get a gaiden! This story chronicles Neji’s life with his team starting from their graduation from the Academy. Follows canon with extra details.”

Comments: NEJI GAIDEN! HOLY HOLY SHIT PLEASE READ THIS ONE. DEFINITELY A MUST-READ. Since it follows canon it really gives it more points because IT GETS NEJI AND TENTEN’S CHARACTERIZATION REALLY ON POINT. AND EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE WHICH IS SUPER CUTE. PLEASE OH GOD READ THIS ONE. IT’S QUITE GENIUS AND IS VERY WELL WRITTEN. the author really knows the characters she’s writing about and UGHHH JUST PLEASE. It’s a shame it isn’t finished tho, but otherwise IT’S WORTH IT!!

4. like paper dolls and little notes by Seynee

— ”It’s not that Tenten hates flying. In fact, she kind of likes it. Especially when she gets free cocktails. Especially when she’s sitting next to a handsome stranger. Especially when she gets to talk to him. This is going to be good.”

Comments: nawwww this one was a classic. really hesitant to finish this before but the ending is totally worth it. made me cryy :”)

5. The Fat and Pretty of Art School by Paper Lanterns and Yoghurt

— “We’ll laugh and we’ll sing (poorly) but whatever happens we’re in it together babe.”

Comments: OMG. I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH. BASICALLY THE ULTIMATE HEADCANON TO THE NEJITEN HIJINKS. It’s super super cute and the characters are really on-point. had some really funny and endearing moments too. love Tenten’s friendship with shika and sasuke here. SUPER COOL YOU FEEL LIKE A COOL KID WHILE READING THIS.

6. Rapunzel by wildcatt

— “And she leads the blind prince home.”

Comments: It is quite short, but it is REALLY REALLY BEAUTIFUL. I WAS SOBBING, COMPLETELY IN TEARS during mass as I read this fic. Everything is written with so much heart and pain. pls give this one a try.

6. Complexities of Blackmail by Aquarius Galuxy

— “[Everything in the world is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power.] Lieutenant Tenten finds herself caught in a web of blackmail when Lt Hyuuga Neji stumbles upon her doing what she shouldn’t have been. Mere rivalry between old teammates turns into something deeper, much to Tenten’s horror and bewilderment.”

Comments: Ohhhh, blackmail, blackmail, blackmail. Of course. This is the god of all nejiten fics. It’s so fucking beautiful. Every time I go back to this in every chapter is just something so beautiful and bewildering it warms my heart. DEFINITELY A MUST-READ. Blackmail just sticks. Left me as a sobbing mess at the end. Very raw and very powerful.

7. Crossing the Middle Line by Scintazzle

— “You know you’re screwed when your ex-girlfriend becomes your new secretary…and you’re falling in love with her all over again.”

Comments: OH MY GOd this FIC THIS FUCKING FIC. very hot. sweet n spicy. short and cute. quite hilarious at times. loved it!!

8. Right Kind of Wrong by Nokito-chan

— “She yanked him out of his comfort zone. He made her want things she tried to guard against. Somewhere in the middle … hell broke loose.”

Comments: OMG. THIS FIC WAS EVERYTHING. super hot as well and was a really fun time. tenten’s bond with konohamaru was really sweet :)

9. The Twelve Days of Christmas by Giada Luna

— A quirk of fate turns Tenten into a modern day Snow White and tosses her into the lives of the Huyga-Uzumaki family right at Christmas. However, she has her own problems, and not time for 'Prince Not-So-Charming’ or anything else to get in her way.”

Comments: a very cute and light read that is perfect for the seasons! giada is such a talented writer; her words flow and make sense. everything is as it should be :)

10. Scars and Stitches by pusa-is-me

— “A love triangle of Gai-stronomic proportions.”

Comments: THIS. THIS. I hate this fic. I love it to death. So much conflicting emotions here, but left me at tears as always. Really just one of the best nejiten fics i’ve ever read out there, and the perfect last recommendation. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. WHAT A WAY TO END THIS CHAPTER

CLOSING REMARKS

So that concludes my masterlist! What do you think? It was a long-term project I started in march? and have finally finished in time for the holidays!

I’m 100% sure that there are some brilliant fics I missed along the way, and I apologise if I haven’t added them. Please give me more recommendations so I may add them. And Please treasure all these fics as I have.

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas! I hope these keep you covered for the rest of your breaks :)

Pls also check out the authors here on tumblr for they are still active :)

AUTHOR TAG:

@iridescentirises @aquariusgaluxy @misspandalily @giada-luna @fanfictioner22 @zealousheart

#nejiten #nejixtenten #tentenxneji #neji #hyuga #tenten #neji tenten #I SPENT SO MUCH TIME THINKING ABOUT THESE

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daisworld-app · 4 years ago

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Lockdown Fluff getting to you? Five lovely diets to shed those not-so-loved kilos

It’s been a great deal of time since the initial lockdown. A lot of things changed after the 2020 lockdown phase was over. But what remained constant was first, the Corona Virus and second, the extra fat we all accumulated because of the cooking and eating spree we had during the lockdown last year.

As we scroll through the Insta feeds all we see are people doing yoga, the Zumba and the Suryanamaskars at home, which does inspire us to do something. Sure. But that’s the ideal world!

In the real world, people get inspired alright but after spending just 30 precious minutes of their day in a downward dog position, they give up. But let’s not blame just the lockdown, we haaaaaate exercising. So, even while the gyms and parks opened up temporarily before the 2nd wave hit us, we still excused ourselves from exercising. Not that we scored even pre-lockdown – Busy schedules, unending projects, ever-scary deadline – there was nothing that encouraged us to keep that workout regimen going.

And whats worse? Those non-Insta-worthy photos and many many discarded selfies that picked a raw nerve within us - often making us feel miserable about our own lack of self-love. Well, let’s not beat ourselves up and let’s recollect that there exists an 80/20 rule – 80 per cent of the recipe to lose weight and look good is, Nutrition or Diet. So even while you skimp on that 20, let’s get you 80% up there at least.

But in this area, be warned crash diets are not the way to go. So if you’re looking for a 5-day-5-kg crash diet, stop reading right here.

Over the decades, we have seen and heard our friends follow so many of these diet fads:-

The dramatic reduction of the bread and pasta under the Atkins and Keto diets – low carb, high protein, high-powered diets that start the process of ketosis in your body.

Vegan and vegetarian diets that insist you only eat plant-based food – so no eggs, meat, dairy, seafood for you while on this regime.

The Paleo diet that takes you back to the stone ages eating foods only that can be hunted or gathered – so eat nothing that came in a tin/box/plastic bag/foil wrap.

Vegan diets prescribing to eat nothing but raw plants in their uncooked, natural forms.

The Whole 30 diet where you go through a 30-day detox by eating 3 “Clean” meals a day- free of inflammatory foods like beverages, baked goods, junk stuff, legumes, dairy, sugar, sweeteners etc.

Since these were generic diet plans read off the internet, they worked for some while failed miserably for the others. One has to accept that every individual has unique body requirements, what may slim me down may not work for you at all, making you tired, hungry and discouraged by the process.

So rather than blindly following a diet, check out a convenient diet plan to suit your body type and your goal. Here are some of the trending ones this season you could check out and see what fits you best.

And oh, did you know that summer is the best season to lose weight?!!

The Mediterranean Diet

One of the most popular diets for many years, the Mediterranean diet comprises of the food eaten in the Mediterranean region including whole grains, fruits, vegetables, fish, olive oil and healthy fats. Red wine, eggs, and dairy products are included in a moderate amount, while red meat and saturated fats are consumed less. It has numerous health benefits like weight loss, reduced cholesterol, reduced risk of cancer and other chronic illnesses, and diabetes control. Fairly convenient to follow, it always remains one of the top trending diets of most years. Although a little bit of activity is warranted with it to take full benefit of the Mediterranean culture.

The DASH Diet

Sounds like hype but it isn’t. DASH stands for Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension where the purpose is to control blood pressure through diet. So this is serious business. The diet includes whole grains, vegetables, fruits, lean fish and meat, low-fat dairy products, all of which are low in sodium. This diet not only reduces blood pressure but also helps reduce the risk of chronic illnesses, ensuring a healthy heart and promoting weight loss.

But be careful of going overboard, low sodium is not good for your general health either.

The WW Freestyle

Do not mistake this as a form of sport. WW Freestyle, among the most popular diets, is a program designed on a SmartPoints system. Here, each food and beverage item is assigned a point based on its nutritional value. The dieter’s current weight and goal decides the number of points that one can consume daily.

Formerly called Weight Watchers, this diet program has over 200 SmartPoint foods, starting with fruits and vegetables at 0 points. Online chats, workshops, weight check meetings and the support of weight management experts keep dieters motivated through this community approach program. Who knows maybe you could make some friends online who follow the same regime. Worth a try, huh?

The Flexitarian Diet

The dietitian, Dawn Jackson Blatner introduced the word ‘Flexitarian’ in her 2009 book, "The Flexitarian Diet: The Mostly Vegetarian Way to Lose Weight, Be Healthier, Prevent Disease and Add Years to Your Life,".

As the name hints, ‘flexitarian’ is a combination of two words: flexible and vegetarian. In her book, the dietitian suggests ways of following a healthy vegetarian diet without sacrificing meat. The idea is to include fruits and vegetables, whole grains, dairy products and proteins like beans, eggs, etc. in your diet. A wholesome diet with low consumption of meat ensures weight loss and reduced risk of heart diseases, cancer and diabetes.

The Intermittent Fasting

Fasting is a tradition existing for centuries. But the intermittent fasting fad gained momentum just a years ago. In the simplest terms, intermittent fasting means assigning time slots for food consumption and fasting the rest of the hours of one’s day.

The most popular methods within this diet plan are the 16/8 method, the 5:2 method, and the Eat Stop Eat method.

In the 16/8 method, dieters only eat during an 8-hour time window (e.g. 12 noon - 8 pm) and do not eat anything outside that time window (e.g. from 8 pm till the next day at noon).

In the 5:2 method, dieters have a normal diet for five days of the week and restrict their food consumption for the remaining two days.

The Eat Stop Eat plan is similar to the 5:2 plan though more rigorous. In this plan, the dieters eat everything during the week except for one or two days of complete fasting. Research has proven weight loss, better metabolism and reduced diseases with intermittent fasting methods, making it one of the top favourites of weight-watchers for years now.

You should be able to follow any of the above diets provided when you know what your goal is. Sit down, chart your daily activity and decide on a realistic goal - weight loss, healthy lifestyle, better drive, higher energy, regular bowel movements could be one or many of your objectives.

Research what you can and cannot eat in each of these diet plans. Even if it’s difficult to gather ingredients to follow some of the diets to the absolute, be prepared to find alternatives and workarounds so that you don’t get demotivated once you have started out on a path.

A realistic and practical plan based on your requirements would help you follow a diet plan for a long time. Restrictive dieting will only lead to excessive binge eating when you are off the diet. Instead, make small gradual changes to your lifestyle, give up some habits on a consistent basis (reduce smoking, drinking more water, stopping caffeine consumption, walking while talking on long phone calls etc.) and adapt newer ones as you go and you are sure to see longer-term sustained health benefits,

‘Cos that’s all that we at Dais World care for – “The health and well-being of our readers.”

Eat well, be well, stay home, stay safe – wishing you great health!

#health diet bestdiet mediterranean food foodblog lovefood

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disslve · 4 years ago

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𝐲𝐞𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐰 & 𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐝𝐲 ! this is nai and my cowboy ass is here to throw roxy @ u and also tell u bad jokes and cry over life is strange 2 because i’m still not over this game and I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. just a heads up, i came up with roxy on a whim because this rp just looked so good, so if it seems like i don’t know what i’m talking about ... it’s most likely the case whoops . ( this is an excuse for me bringing shitty muses ). anyway, my fake cowboy ass loves to ramble so if you’re interested in plotting feel free to LIKE this post or hmu. i forgot to mention that i’m also a fake grandma so idk anything about discord at all and i still need to set it up which will happen in the next few days dsdnsdsdn.

ps: wanted connections/plots can be find in my wanted tag ( a link is on my blog ) and i’ll also list some below !

EDIT: discord name is nai #7158

* [ kristine froseth + cis-female + she/her ] —— have you met roxanne ‘roxy’ bailey ? they are a twenty-two year old junior currently studying romance languages and literatures. they live on decker house and word around campus is that this scorpio is compassionate + dedicated, as well as impatient + dishonest. i wonder if they’ll make it out alive.

basics.

full name: roxanne elise bailey

nicknames: roxy, rox

sexual orientation: bisexual

birth place: valencia, spain ( but only lived there for five years )

history.

one could say that roxy had lived an easy life, though her parents weren’t distinguished by their social status, it didn’t mean they lacked money which was enough to support their daughter in whatever she wanted to do.

truth to be told, roxy was indeed a little spoiled, the type of kids who would try all kind of things on the expenses of their parents only to quit a new ‘hobby’ again. she could barely stick to anything. she was some twisted kind of golden child, good at many things but never had the patience to continue something for long enough to cultivate it.

skipping over the part where she almost tried everything from arts, music etc. she finally found her passion ( and even roxy herself was surprised ). figure skating. she didn’t know what drew her in, she couldn’t explain it, she tried it and it felt right. roxy always describes the feeling as finding a soulmate if she feels extra dramatic that day.

unsurprisingly, she was good at it. not that kind of good at something she was at all the other things she tried before, but that being good at which stemmed from genuine interest. maybe, that is why she managed to get so far. and it didn’t take too long that people even started to call her a figure skating prodigy.

at this point at her life, she had it all, spinning the stars on her fingertips ( or warning bad pun ahead: spinning on the ice ). until, well, her parents company was in some crisis and they had to cut corners in the meantime. also oh so ‘conveniently’ roxy lived at the arse end of nowhere and getting to her practices was now even more difficult because as mentioned before they had to save their money for more necessary things. of course, there were more things , small and big, which totally threw her off ( which i am too lazy to list rn).

roxy tried to work part time, but a) the money wasn’t enough b) she didn’t want to cut more hours of training she managed to get. AND well, here comes the turning point and roxy thinking she was oh-so-smart without realizing that it would cost her career. oh-so-smart roxy came up with the idea to , well, just steal some stuff. after all, she trained with many other wealthy peers and she could just sell off their stuff or something.

at the beginning she only did it to afford certain things she needed, but soon it somehow became an addiction. she felt in control when everyone else in her life was an utter mess. however, the more she took things away from others the more she felt comfortable, doing it more often and sometimes taking things which weren’t even worth that much. it was only a matter of time until she was caught. and as if she was lucky for too long, the person who caught her pressured her into either giving them a hefty sum of money (which she didn’t have) or to quit figure skating. she decided for the latter.

well, here she was and her sudden departure was quite a shock. but she had no choice and stated it was for personal reasons.

skipping over her being devastated over it, etc. her parents managed to save their company (whatever this company is) but at this point it was already too late and roxy was accepted into holloway.

right now she actually wants to pick up her figure skating career again, however, she’s too afraid that the blackmailer is going to expose her and also she doesn’t really know who they are (lets pretend they wrote her letters, txt messages >??) and also she’s kind of afraid due to the lack of practice she had .

personality.

okay i’ll keep this short bcs i wrote way too much for her background story. but to sum it up, roxy kind of has that perfect girl facade. considering how many friends roxy has and how social she appears to be it is odd that no one seems to be able to describe her. roxy doesn’t want people to know who she truly is, and she keeps her distance as she actively avoids conflicts that might cause her to say something wrong and exposes herself.

she shields her feelings by only presenting polished version of herself, the facade of the perfect girl: kind, hard-working and polite. someone whose life is easy and someone who looks like she doesn’t have any worries. it doesn’t mean she isn’t anything of that, but it’s not as if her kindness has no bounds or that she doesn’t need to put effort into the things she does. nevertheless, she believes that she must be perfect in order to make people like her. and while, she is pretty good at masking her emotions and smile along, as soon as someone threatens to see past the illusion, she will become defensive and won’t hesitate to lie in order to preserve it.

plots.

best friends: although roxy pretty much keeps her distance from everyone else, this person had always stood by her side. maybe they knew about roxy’s sudden wannabe-thief phase ( which she is still in ) and well tried to talk her out of it ( which obviously didn’t work ). also adding some drama here and maybe they had a big argument over it and distanced from each othr because of it. however, my angst ass doesn’t want to ruin it and they’ll rekindle their friendship. they might meet again at holloway and it’s awkward at first, maybe they even have some arguments but they’ll get over it because everyone loves a good rekindled friendship story.

annoyance: someone who gets under roxy’s skin.seeing past the perfect girl face and constantly calling her out on it. maybe they just have fun annoying her and want to see what she really likes or they just don’t like roxy , thinking that beneath all of this act, she is a really unpleasant person. perhaps, they’re even doing it with good intentions and want to show her that she doesn’t need to hide who she is. whatever it is, they’re determined to expose to the world who she really is.

pen pal ??: muse a and roxy had been friends for a very long time, yet the funny thing is that they’ve never met each other nor do they know what the other look like. all they know is their name ( or maybe they only know each other by their usernames ) and their deepest secrets. maybe they already have crossed paths many times and perhaps even know each other but don’t like each other irl. or they never had noticed the other.

blackmailer: BECAUSE WHY NOT??? the person who forced roxy to give up on figure skating. maybe, they were a rival or just didn’t like her, or any other reason. they might as well, have noticed that roxy is secretly training again and might be back at their shit again.

exes: GIVE ME THE ANGST, maybe muse a and roxy used to be in a serious relationship and as naive they were back then both of them thought this love would last forever. however, at some point roxy started to distance herself from muse a, constantly cancelling their dates because of their busy schedule. at first muse a tried to be understanding towards her, but as time passed things only got worse. roxy hating any kind of conflict just decided to ignore the problem instead about talking about it and eventually stopped replying to muse a messages. muse a never really got to know the real reason behind their break up and was left with unanswered questions. but anything works

unrequited love: (this is just me throwing in my favourite way to make myself suffer) It doesn’t matter who is the one with the the one sided love because i just want some good angst.a) muse a has a crush on roxy, yet they never told her about it. yet, muse a can’t hide it and it doesn’t take too long until roxy notices it. but instead of trying to talk to muse a about it, roxy just ignores it acting as she usually does and perhaps even give them false hope that she might like them back. maybe muse a even confessed to her and because roxy didn’t want to hurt them she told muse a she’d think about it.

b) roxy has a crush on muse a but doesn’t admit it. she doesn’t want to show their vunerable side and just plays it down. maybe they’re friends and roxy doesn’t want to lose another friend. but one day she confesses to muse a on accident, making everything awkward between them.

someone she stole from: idk i thought this would be fun ? maybe she confessed to them about it or maybe they caught her but decided to not confront her about it.

fan: someone who used to watch her perfomances on their tv and is still not over the fact that she quit.

i also have a connection page on my blog if these are too specific or none of these work

i’m too tired to come up with more dsdsdnjsd but gimme everything !! THE ANGST, FLUFF, DRAMA PLS!!!

#did i use a special font just to highlight the yeehaw ?? yes #holloway.intro #this got so long djssdsdn

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teaveetamer · 5 years ago

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Looking at Edelgards wiki page, and aside from all the spelling mistakes, grammar mistakes and horrible sentence structure, dear LORD is it filled with such vague, unspecific language to make her look better. Saying in "some endings" she passes on the role of Emperor to someone else while in others she "rules for an unspecified time" to support she steps down after the war, completely ignoring Lysitheas ending where she rules for the rest of her life and not clarifying the specific (1/3)

numbers of endings where she retires (I counted, its two, and even then only in her later years). Crimson Flower apparently ends "much faster" than the other routes instead of directly stating its three months faster. Saying she only spoke so harshly to Dimitri before executing him to allow him to "hate her" until the end (how compassionate of her /s, also I cannot find any proof of this in the script so either I'm missing something or the editor is just posting headcanons). (2/3)

All in all, Edelgards entire personality wiki section is a complete joke. The person that wrote it should have their editing priviledges removed. (3/3)

I mean we know who is making all of those edits. It’s our resident contrarian that people were sending a dozen asks about yesterday. It just comes off as another of many poorly thought out arguments, since they keep pointing to specific supports or text in the game when that’s... Not really necessary. We all played the game, you only do that shit when you’re trying to win an argument.

Honestly if I were in control of the page it’d look more like this:

Edelgard holds herself with a dignified air, but full of melancholy and solemn wistfulness. which can make her appear outwardly cold. As heir of the Adrestian Empire, she is an exemplary student and a natural leader. She keeps a modest stoic front. rarely cutting loose and maintains formality. She rarely cuts loose and maintains formality at all times. Her colleagues classmates (who the fuck calls the people they went to school with “colleagues”?) express great surprise whenever she does relax. While She is generally a private person, she does recognize the importance of her duties and expresses confidence and faith in the abilities of her allies. and she is rarely shown opening up to other people.(the previous line did not make sense, her recognizing the importance of duty has no relationship to being a private person).

She is a capable dancer, having taught Dimitri at a young age and has a talent for drawing portraits, though she is embarrassed to show them to others. (These really belong in a separate “skills” section but whatever the wiki doesn’t appear to have that category for this game). She has a personal nickname, El, of whom which she only allows very close individuals, namely her family, to call her.

Though she tries to keep it a secret, Edelgard is deathly afraid of rats, as they remind her of a past she is uncomfortable with. Edelgard is deathly afraid of rats since they remind her of a past she is uncomfortable with, though she tries to keep this fact a secret. She is also fears afraid of the ocean since because she cannot swim.

Edelgard is far more complex than she initially appears, as she had been scheming to dismantle the corrupt systems of Fódlan, namely the influence of the Church of Seiros, the oppression of the Crest systems, and the hidden machinations of the Agarthans. Driven by her desire to remove these influences, she is willing to sacrifice both her life and reputation as she believes that the only means of achieving her goals is through war and sometimes underhanded tactics. (Such unnecessary fluff). Edelgard will use whatever it takes to achieve her goals, using all three of the aforementioned systems begrudgingly as they are the current means for her to amass any sort of power and influence in order to instigate meaningful change in them. Edelgard is extremely driven, and she is willing to use whatever it takes to achieve her goals. This is evidenced by her willingness to work with Those Who Slither in the Dark, as she believes they are the only ones who can help her amass enough power to achieve her ends.

Edelgard strongly believes that the ends will justify the means if she were to win the war, as she despises the structure of Fódlan society and believes it has to be replaced by a more just system under which humanity can flourish. In the Azure Moon route she states she went to war after weighing all options and determined that it would be much faster with far fewer casualties than to continue on in the continent's current state. This is reflected through the Crimson Flower route that ends much sooner than the other two, albeit a later war is impending against the remaining Agarthians, where she manages to wipe them all out, compared to the other routes where the Agarthans survive to return at a later time. As a result, she does realize the gravity of her orders but chooses to remain steadfast in her belief in improving society for everyone. She also does not desire to remain Emperor for too long as according to a tea time conversation with her, Edelgard states she has no intention of handing the throne to any children she might have, instead planning to pass it on to someone brilliant and kind, which a few endings do, while others she rules for an unspecified time. (Literally this entire paragraph is unnecessary fluff.)

Dimitri has had a significant impact on her life as the two are step-siblings when her mother Anselma married King Lambert under the name "Patricia." In their childhood, neither were aware of their relationship to each other, but they were close nonetheless, with Dimitri affectionately calling her "El" which only those particularly close to her are allowed to call her. Dimitri gifted her a dagger which she held well into the present, which was symbolically meant to tell her to carve out her own ideals and face the numerous hardships she had to endure up until the present. If met at the Goddess Tower during the Academy Phase, she admits that her first love was a Faerghus noble who she cannot recall, implied to be Dimitri. Despite her past feelings towards him, it is heavily implied for most of the game that Edelgard no longer remembers Dimitri nor that he gifted her the dagger, possibly as a result of her trauma from the experiments. In the Azure Moon route, she accepts Dimitri's invitation to parley on a whim. Despite failing to come to an understanding with one another to end the war peacefully, she is nonetheless able to express her gratitude to him for the dagger and the strength it provided her when he reminds her that it was a parting gift from him. (Everything in this paragraph would really be more at home in a separate “relationships” subcategory, which this wiki also does not feature.)

Edelgard's personality and ambitions are a result of tragedies that painted her view of the world. The traumatic imprisonment of her siblings and herself due to the experiments of Those Who Slither in the Dark created her hatred of Crests. Edelgard’s personality and ambitions are a direct result of the suffering she faced at the hands of TWSITD. Her imprisonment and the subsequent experimentation on herself and her family were a key factor in her disillusionment with Fódlan and the Church of Seiros. (Don’t ask me how she got to that conclusion. Also take a shot for every time this dude uses the word “tragic”.) She also despises most nobility, especially the Adrestian Nobles, as they are partially responsible for the circumstances leading to said experiments, but also due to the fact that Crests are used as societal leverage by most nobles as a sign of their prestige. She even shows sympathy and pity to Miklan, whom she praises for becoming a leader despite being disowned and leading a group of bandits, calling his death "a waste". One of her main goals is to dismantle the current nobility system and having the people earn their position by merit rather than birthright, which she achieves in her ending in the Crimson Flower path. (More fluff.)

Edelgard has a complex view of the current Church of Seiros as her tragic history with the Insurrection of the Seven along with the knowledge given by her father regarding the truth of the War of Heroes paints her radical opinion. She bears a large distrust of Rhea due to her withholding of knowledge and context behind the history of the church, even pointing out some of the Church's hypocrisy of remaining neutral across Fódlan, yet allowing the Crest system to flourish that Edelgard despises. She does not fully dismiss the concept of faith however, even allowing it to continue to exist in her rule, though heavily monitored by the Empire. (Oh hey Edelstan is acknowledging her state run religion at least) She even tries to learn more about it from Manuela but does not plan on ever becoming a devout follower by any means. When as an enemy, however, she will cause those who are faithful to be afraid for their lives and flee the Empire. However, during Crimson Flower, several Knights of Seiros that have become unnerved by Rhea flee to the Empire, while those involved with the Church in the Empire flee for the Eastern, but then flee to Faerghus due to lack of a military. (Fluff.)

Despite this, Edelgard expresses fear and anxiety over the consequences of her actions her chosen path should Byleth side with her in Crimson Flower, as she understands that she would be her actions make her responsible for the deaths loss of countless lives. (lmao “the deaths of countless lives”) This is proven further when Randolph and Ladislava die defending Garreg Mach from the Church, and how she laments that another life is lost in the war because of her choices. She mourned Dimitri's death, letting herself be hated by Dimitri to the end by speaking harshly to him to let his perception of her remain, lamenting how she could not save him from Thales's manipulation. (wut) Dimitri's death struck her to the point that Byleth questioned if Edelgard was crying, which she denied, claiming that the Edelgard who cried had perished years ago.

Edelgard's relationship with Byleth greatly affects her personality and fate in the war. Edelgard admits in her support that she feared expresses fear that she would have become "a harsh ruler with a heart of ice" if she had to walk her path alone. In the other routes where she is not taught by them or where Byleth sides with the church against her, this becomes a reality and ultimately leads to her early demise. This is likely expressed in the conversation with Dimitri, where, in the Japanese version, she retorts Dimitri's statement over the lessons he learned with his friends and Byleth with her stating that he can understand that because he has what she lacks, referencing how Edelgard felt Byleth was the only one she could consider an equal that is not bound by status but simply as Edelgard. As her enemy, Edelgard will express regret that the two did not walk the same path and even find some semblance of closure falling to Byleth's sword in the Silver Snow and Verdant Wind paths. Should they choose to support her, she has a far easier time expressing kindness and regret over her actions over the course of the game herself. She will opt to force her enemies to surrender instead of wiping them out, where she even offered to spare Rhea and the Church followers if they surrendered, while the former was willing to sacrifice the city the final battle takes place in. (This doesn’t even make sense, she never forced Rhea to surrender she just half heartedly gave her the option of surrender). She also has several fleeting moments of peace and happiness, such as when she takes to drawing portraits of Byleth, which she is self conscious about due to their lack of quality in her eyes.

That attachment towards Byleth is even perhaps stronger than that of the other house leaders. When they teach the Black Eagles, she makes several attempts to get Byleth to understand her world view, even though Hubert advised her it would not be wise and personally invited Byleth to her coronation. In the Crimson Flower route, Dorothea notes that among the Black Eagles, Edelgard was the most emotionally affected by Byleth's disappearance. Edelgard's fondness for Byleth goes so far as to encourage Byleth to call her El and even let Byleth give her orders on the battlefield despite her dislike of not being in control. Despite her earlier statement that she does not cry, she openly cries at the end of the Crimson Flower route when Byleth supposedly dies after slaying Rhea, but is overjoyed when they are revived. Edelgard's bond with Byleth can ultimately result in the marriage of the two, regardless of their gender. It is in her proposal to them at this level where she asks that they stay close to her and that she will need them for the rest of her life. Regardless of her relationship status with Byleth, in the Crimson Flower route, it is through their influence that she ultimately achieves her goals and is remembered far more kindly than in the other routes where she perishes. (Again, would be more at home in a separate relationships section since it says almost nothing about Edelgard as an individual. You could maybe keep the bit about her disliking not being in control, but I’d combine it with an earlier paragraph since it doesn’t make much sense as its own thing.)

#Anonymous

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tera-91 · 5 years ago

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It Doesn't Feel Like Christmas

Hey everyone! This has been stuck in my head since Christmas day. It originally started as a short (Maybe 1000 or less fluff fic) but turned into …. well quiet a bit more than that 😂 Hope you like it and as always feel free to comment 💜 I love feedback

Summary: Everyone has been busy and the holiday season snuck up on everyone, especially Virgil who feels guilty and wants to do something speical for his boyfriend

Pairings: Virgil/Patton (Moxiety) Roman/Logan (Logince)

Word count: 3780

Virgil woke up at 5 am like usual. This time though he wasn’t brought back to the land of the conscious by the sound of his blaring alarm clock. Patton had made sure that had been turned off before the pair had gone to bed the night before. A shifting figure beside him made him look down at the mop of strawberry blond hair. Patton always made sure the alarms were only turned on when the alarms owner had to be up the next morning. He took a deep breath and sighed at the smell of sweet pea and magnolia, the smell had always relaxed him. He didn’t know what he would do without Patton. He gently hugged the smaller figure closer to him.

Virgil was almost back to sleep when he heard an alarm clock break through the silence of the house. He reached over and clicked the light button for Patton’s clock to make a soft blue light display the time. 6 am. Huh, it had to be Logan’s clock but the genius didn’t have to go to work. None of them did.

Reluctantly, Virgil gently pulled away from Patton as to not wake him. Once out of bed Virgil couldn’t stop the small heart palpitation as he watched Patton grab his pillow and turn over, but a smile soon followed as Patton simply snuggled into the pillow and back to a restful sleep. Virgil walked over to his desk chair where Patton had a habit of throwing Virgil’s hoody when he pulled it off in his sleep. He slipped on the, slightly ragged, article of clothing and made his way into the common area of the three-bedroom home.

As he thought, Logan was there, although slightly more disheveled than he was used to seeing the other man. He actually had on pajamas, that he was sure Roman bought him, for once. The main clue was that the pants had the Andromeda galaxy and Logan rarely bought anything that had the stars on it as it seemed nothing was ever accurate enough for him to buy on his own accord. He had on a Beauty and the Beast night shirt, that was definitely Roman’s as it was at least 2 sizes too big for him. He stood at the counter, half asleep with his hair sticking up in various places and glasses slightly askew, while he waited for the coffee to finish.

“Sorry Logan, Patton turned off the alarm clocks and I forgot to set the coffee pot. Although, I didn’t expect any of us to be up this early either.” Virgil said as he reached up into the cabinet and pulled out their coffee mugs. “Go ahead and sit down, Ill bring you yours as soon as it’s done.” Virgil was somewhat surprised when Logan did just that. While he waited Virgil reached for the sugar and grabbed the milk from the refrigerator as took just a few moments for the coffee machine to stop with a beep to signal it was done. Sugar and milk with a splash of coffee for him, while Logan’s was mostly coffee with just a little milk. He was careful not to spill any as he made his way to the living room where Logan sat. Logan still seemed out of it as he handed him the mug, which was understandable as he had been told multiple times of Logan’s poor sleeping habits by Roman.

Virgil sighed as he sat down next to the bespectacled man. It would be an hour or so before either Roman or Patton would wake up, so for the time being it was quiet, but peacefully so. As they both drank their coffee Virgil jarringly realized it was Christmas Eve as he took in the state of the living room. They had all been so busy with work yet Roman or Patton or both had found some time to find some vaguely Christmas colored fairy lights and string them along the edge of the ceiling. He felt somewhat sad. He knew how much both loved the holiday, probably as much as he loved Halloween. Since it was Christmas Eve there wouldn’t be enough time to order anything for anyone and he doubted they would be able to find even a small tree to decorate. Virgil sighed, his anxiety had begun to build up. He didn’t like it when Patton was sad or disappointed and he was almost certain he would be.

“Contemplating current state of events?” Logan asked suddenly which caused Virgil to jump. Before he could say anything, Logan continued “We have all been busy, more so than last year and the lack of decoration reflects that.” He gestured towards the general area of the room a tree would sit.

Virgil took another sip of his coffee. “Yeah, something like that” he said as he ran his fingers along the edge of his hoodie. “I haven’t had the time to get my brothers anything let alone Patton.” He reluctantly admitted.

“I don’t suppose many of us have had time to find anything.” Logan began. “Roman has been booked with back to back shows between the two theaters and Re-re” a sigh escaped both of them at the thought of the chaotic twin. “Re has been in his forge every time Roman looks for him, working on commissions for the holidays.”

“Patton has been making a lot of trips to and from the bakery” Virgil ran his hand through his hair. “I lost count of how many dozens of cookies and cupcakes he has made for all the shelters and homes.” a small chuckle escaped him “You know Patton, even the animal shelters get a batch of handmade treats.”

Logan hummed in agreement. “Unless one has gathered gifts during the year, I’m sure we all will understand if we just get to spend tomorrow together, sans boxes wrapped in colorful paper or bags and bows.”

Virgil shifted, somewhat uncomfortable at the thought that Patton may have found him something but nothing had ever caught his eye as a Christmas present for his boyfriend. Roman and Re, well they were easy. All he had to do was call Joan, they would go to the metal store for him and probably stop by one of the supermarkets and grab something Disney related for him since they knew he didn’t do well in crowds.

That’s just what he was going to do he quickly decided.

Virgil got up from the couch and quietly made his way back to his bedroom. As he walked up to the bedside table, he was glad he had decided to put carpet in over the summer. He couldn’t help but take a little time to admire Patton. It always amazed him, the contrast of a sleeping Patton vs awake Patton. He looked peaceful and not at all like once he woke up, he would be full of energy that he would practically be bouncing off the walls.

Virgil sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled his phone off the charger to text Joan.

V: Hey Joan would u mind going by the stores for me and grabbing Ro and Re presents for me?

J: What’cha thinking? V: Just about 10 pieces each of 15n20 and 1080 for Re, I’ll call Tyler and he can have it ready. For Ro, you no him basically anything Disney that catches ur eye. Especially anything Hercules.

J: Ah, got it! Ill get em and bring it by tonite when I come get Tals present from your place. Prewrapped ;)

V: Thanks Joan

J: NP V!

Virgil let out a quiet huff. He had his brothers taken care of now, well he still had to call Tyler but for the most part it was done. He just had to wait and make sure Re was out at his forge before he called. He turned and looked at the still sleeping Patton. It took everything in him not to just lay down next to him and card his fingers through the red tipped strawberry blond hair, the slight curls already making it stick up in hilariously weird angles. A moderately loud crash, which meant Roman was awake, caught his attention. Luckily it didn’t even phase Patton. He stood up with a huff, he still had to figure out what he was going to get Patton for tomorrow morning. He placed his phone in his hoodie pocket and made his way back out towards the living room. Maybe Roman could help him.

Virgil almost immediately turned around once he reached the end of the hallway. From were he stood he could clearly see the kitchen. A few eggs cracked and splattered on the tile floor while a bowl with pancake mix was tilted over on its side and mostly all over the counter with some of it on the floor. His eyes soon landed on Roman, or more accurately Roman’s mostly bare back which was only barely covered by a tank top that partially obscured the colorful tattoo located there, he wore the matching pants to the shirt he had seen Logan wearing earlier.

“I don’t know how you two always end up making a mess when you flirt.” Virgil said, startling Roman enough for him to step away from the counter revealing Logan up on the quarts top, his glasses pushed up onto the top of his head.

“Ah dear brother, you are just jealous.” Roman said with a confident smile as he turned and leaned back against the counter between Logan’s legs. Logan immediately leaned forward and draped himself over Roman’s shoulders, fixing his glasses in the process. “Besides you and Patton are just as guilty.” He said as he tilted his head back to look up at Logan

Virgil just rolled his eyes at the older man. “Uh huh, I am so jealous that you two make a mess. Yet the mess is usually preexisting as I find it adorable when Patton is baking not simply about to start making breakfast.” He said as he gestured to the floor.

“He is not wrong Roman. Patton is usually already covered in flour. I had yet to make any sort of mess prior to your appearance.” Logan said, smirk half hidden in Roman’s hair. The twin to pouted and tilted his head back. This caused the shorter one to laugh and give him a kiss.

Virgil shook his head before he made his way around the mess to refill his coffee. “Just clean up the mess when you’re done.” He said with a chuckle and made his way back to the living room.

“Will do bro!” he heard Roman call out.

He shook his head as he sat down on the couch. As different Ro and Re were there were still quite a few similarities between their actions that neither wanted to admit. Then it hit him, what he could do for Patton. He would wait until later when Patton would go with Logan to go see Roman’s Christmas eve performance. He’d make him his favorite treats.

Patton was next to wake up. He padded his way into the living room as he rubbed his eyes. Virgil could tell from the look on his face when he glanced into the kitchen that Logan and Roman were either still in there making out or they had left it a mess. Either way Patton’s face became red and he immediately dived for Virgil’s side. Virgil simply chuckled, placed his empty coffee cup down on the table and scooped Patton up. He shifted himself so that he was laying down on the couch with Patton’s head resting on his chest and he began to run his fingers through his hair. Patton wordlessly snuggled further into Virgil, both glad to have some time to themselves.

However, the peace didn’t last very long. “I am off to the forge my lovies and Merry B*%&^$mas too all and to all a good day!” Remus’s boisterous voice boomed through the house followed by the slamming of the front door.

Neither was sure if it was the loud voice or the slamming front door but both jumped. Virgil instinctively hugged Patton closer to him in an attempt to shield him from the nonexistent danger while Patton could feel Virgil’s fast heartbeat through his shirt. The taller one groaned and he placed his hand on his face. “I am not related to that one in the slightest.” Virgil sighed which caused Patton to giggle. Virgil waited a few moments to ensure Remus hadn’t forgotten anything before he reached into his pocket to get his phone to call Tyler.

“You’re such a thoughtful little brother.” Patton said as he reached under the hoodie once Virgil hung up the call. A large smile spread across his face at the deep red blush that appeared on Virgil’s pale skin. He loved it when his boyfriend became a blushing, cuddly mess.

��I-i just know how much he enjoys making things, though how someone that is a-all over the place like that ended up taking up blacksmithing which requires quite a bit of con-concentration.” Virgil slightly stammered.

“It’s simple my dear brother. I am the prince and he is the pauper that wants to be close to the palace, so he makes all the royal guards gear from armor to swords.” Roman appeared leaning over the couch looking at the two. Now both of them were red in the face with embarrassment at the position they were in.

“Roman that makes no sense whatsoever, that is not even how the story went, the pauper was not conically a black smith by trade. Also, you two are in fact related unlike the two boys in the book.” Logan made his presence known.

“Details, details my adorable calculator watch.” Roman said as he swept Logan up in his arms.

“Did you clean up the kitchen yet?” Patton asked as he struggled to keep from laughing as the two nearly ran to the kitchen.

The day went by rather lazily as no work needed to be done. Both Virgil and Patton enjoyed laying on the couch, the tv had been turned on at some point. Roman and Logan had joined them not long after they ran back to the kitchen, this time the pancakes had actually been made. They brought Virgil and Patton a plate and the four of them ate, bickering between Roman and Virgil being the main form of entertainment. 2 pm finally came, simultaneously too soon and not soon enough for Virgil. The three left and Vigil got to work.

He couldn’t remember exactly which was Patton’s favorite but luckily, he had enough ingredients to make both, since Patton kept the pantry stocked almost as if the home was a medium volume bakery. Which as much as Patton experimented it probably could be.

After looking through every drawer and every cabinet Virgil was able to gather most of the ingredients he needed. “Let’s see. Sugar, salt, vanilla, flour, chocolate chips, powdered sugar, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon, oil, water, milk. What am I missing?” Virgil asked himself as he looked over the items he had scattered across the counter. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the large butter dish. Of course! Patton always had room temperature butter for when he did his baking, Virgil had to stop himself from smacking himself in the head.

Virgil got to work making the cookies. It was a tedious process. He started out with the filling by mixing powdered sugar and soft cream cheese. He made the first batch of dough and portioned them out. He broke the portions in half as equally as possible before he rolled them out, placed some of the filling on one before he placed the other half on top, sealed the edges of the stuffed cookies and placed them on a sheet before storing them in the refrigerator they had out in the garage.

He returned to the kitchen, mixed together a small bowl of equal parts cinnamon and sugar, and turned the oven to preheat for the next set of cookies. He began mixing the butter and sugar, some of it went flying out as he turned on the mixer. He hoped that enough stayed in the bowl as he added the vanilla and water. Having learned his lesson, he turned the mixer down low as he added in the flour. Unfortunately, when the light ingredient hit the bowl it looked like a cloud with some landing in his hair. Virgil silently cursed under his breath. No wonder Patton always ended up covered in flour or something else when he baked.

The oven beeped, an indication that the over was up to temperature. Virgil quickly tore the chocolate chip bag open, sending about a third of the bag flying in the process. He poured the rest of the chips into the dough, shakily he mixed it up and portioned them out before putting them on a sheet and in the oven.

As he waited for the cookies to bake Virgil set to cleaning the giant mess he made in the kitchen. He had just barely finished when the timer beeped. “Ugh how does Patton do this? I haven’t even gotten the powdered sugar out yet.” Virgil said as his anxiety began to increase. He took a deep breath, grabbed the potholders and took the cookies out of the oven. He carefully lowered the ovens temperature for the first batch of cookies before he turned around and grabbed a large shallow bowl, cooling rack and the bag of powdered sugar.

With shaky hands Virgil re-opened the powdered sugar, which of course had to explode out of the bag and dust the previously clean stone countertop, then poured some into the shallow bowl. He groaned; this was just impossible. Quickly, so not to burn his fingers, Virgil picked up a few of the cookies and rolled them in the powdered sugar before placing them on the cooling rack. Once he was done with that batch of cookies Virgil went to the garage for the first batch of cookies. He took each cookie and rolled them in the cinnamon sugar he made earlier before he placed them back on the sheet and slid it into the cooler oven.

As he set to work once again cleaning the kitchen, he didn’t hear the garage door open. “Virge?” Patton’s voice made Virgil stand ramrod straight. ‘No Patton can’t be home already’ Virgil thought. A hand on his shoulder and the timer going off simultaneously, made Virgil jump almost out of his skin.

“Pat? Babe what are you doing here?” Virgil asked practically losing control of his breathing as he quickly spun around and pulled the last batch of cookies and set them on top of the counter before he turned the oven off. He didn’t want to burn the cookies, after all they were for Patton. He knew he couldn’t hide what they were from him but that didn’t stop him from trying to block Patton’s view of them.

Patton simply giggled and pulled Virgil away from the hot appliance. “Well Remus showed up with you know who. Once the performance was over the four of them wanted to go and get something to eat to celebrate a wonderful performance.” Patton reached up and to shake the mixture of flour and powdered sugar from Virgil’s hair. “I took Roman’s car while they all piled in Remus’ I knew you had already been alone for a while. Also, I was hoping to get some alone time with you.” Patton said with a rare, somewhat smug, look before he pushed the taller one up against the wooded cabinets and cool stone counter before he pulled Virgil down for a kiss.

Virgil almost, almost, whined when the other pulled away. He couldn’t help the blush that spread across his face, neither of them was particularly forward when it came to affection, but Virgil couldn’t help how much he liked it when Patton would become bolder when the two of them were alone.

“What are you up to Virge? I come home and you look like an absolute ghost with all the flour and powdered sugar on you.” Patton smiled as he rubbed Virgil’s cheek that was also smudged with powdered sugar.

“Well, I um – I hadn’t been able to find you anything for Christmas tomorrow, so I thought.” Virgil said as he glanced over at the sheet full of cookies. “I thought I would make you some of your favorites, but it seems that I can’t do any of it right.” Virgil sighed as he ran his thumbs along Pattons hips. “I couldn’t hide them from you, and I don’t think I did it right. The first batch doesn’t look right and this one looks under done.”

Patton couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled up, he quickly covered his mouth with his hand. “Oh Virge.” He started as he pulled back to peak around him. “Silly you did just fine.”

“Babe those don’t look anything like yours and the ones I just pulled out look like they’d fall apart as soon as you picked them up.” Virgil protested as the other pulled away slightly. “Pat? You ok? Your hand was kind of cold.” Virgil said as he reached up and grabbed one of Patton’s still chilled hands.

Patton quickly intertwined his fingers with Virgil’s and stuck their hands in the hoodie pocket so he could steal some of the warmth the oversize hoodie provided. “I’m fine Virgil, it was just cold outside and I forgot my gloves.” He said as he buried his face in his boyfriend’s chest. “You did great, the first ones just need another coat of powdered sugar and the others just need a few minutes to firm up as they cool down. You did just fine.” Patton said as he used his other hand and once again pulled Vigil down for a comforting kiss. Patton was always mesmerized how his lips were always so soft. Patton pulled back slightly “What made you do this?” Patton asked softly, afraid to break the moment.

Virgil leaned down so their foreheads touched. “I didn’t want you to be disappointed if it doesn’t feel like Christmas tomorrow.” Virgil practically whispered.

“How could I possibly be disappointed when I’m with you, everyday feels like Christmas.” Patton said. At his words it felt like a wave washed over Virgil. He leaned down and tenderly kissed the shorter one. Tomorrow would certainly feel like Christmas even if it was just filled with fairy lights and cookies.

@tinkslittlebelle @teacupfulofstarshine @random-name-here @kindly-falling @xx-fandom-potato-xx @sylveon-lover-crazyfangirl1415 @sandersfander1820 @downrightdanny @i-do-not-dislike-fudge @not-so-innocent-bi-sander @princeanxious @sammys-ghostz @nope-not-more @moltengoldenstardust @coolerthan-a-vintagecassette @j-d-lightful @could-always-be-gayer-2 @altruistic-skittles @c4t1l1n4 @dutifullystrangequeerdom @i-read-by-lamp @thatcacidork @bigfirecreator @badluckkaren @eternal-optimists-world

#sanders sides fic #human au #Patton #Roman #Logan #Virgil #Remus #tera-91

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capricornus-rex · 5 years ago

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Two Sides of the Coin (15)

Chapter 15: Forged Bonds | Jidné Sheedra x Cal Kestis

Summary: Hell-bent on exacting revenge and retrieving the Holocron, the dreaded Darth Vader is now on the hunt for the young Jedi Knight, Cal Kestis. Under the assumption that he still possessed the artifact, while fueled by the intrigue of the boy’s strength and skill with the Force, the dark lord hires the bounty hunter, Jidné Sheedra, to track him down and have him delivered alive. However, the task becomes a trial for young Jidné, as she faces a conflict that tests her beliefs of a scarred past she had hidden for so long.

A/N: Prepare yourselves for some wholesome Master and Apprentice fluff~ UWU

Also tagging @silver-is-in-too-many-fandoms @justtinfoley @berenilion @stellar-trinity @peterwandaparker @calgasm @queen-destenie @cal-jestis @ayamenimthiriel @calsponchoemporium @fallenjedii @sweeetteaa

Also in AO3

Tags: Fem OC, Jidné Sheedra, Force-Sensitive! Fem OC, Bounty Hunter! Fem OC, Jedi! Fem OC | Special tags for this chapter: Initiate Trials, Apprentice Tournament, Nomara Anesh, Jedi Master! Fem OC, Togruta! Fem OC, Force Bond, Master and Apprentice, Youngling! Jidné

Chapters: 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 – 13 | Previous: Part 14 | Next: Part 16 | Masterlist

15 of ?

25 BBY

Nomara afforded a whole day to meditate in the designated chambers within the temple. Lately, she has been having visions, though indistinct, and she could hear sounds but can’t completely understood what they’re saying. However, they weren’t negative feelings and yet they still intrigued her—motivating her to pursue the reality of these visions until they’re as clear as the things she sees with her naked eye.

Master Loriq joined her, settling himself on the seat across hers. He brought his legs up on the cushion and crossed them together, he sat with a venerable poise that made him appear respectable and noble. Despite his nearly-silent entrance, Nomara continued to meditate unable to acknowledge the man who went into the room; her former master found a serene expression on her face—remaining very still and relaxed, the only movement he caught was the rise and fall of her shoulders as she breathes.

Not meaning to interrupt, Loriq sensed the conclusion of the young Togruta’s meditation.

“Your thoughts dwell on the child, Nomara,” he uttered out of the blue.

“Frankly, because of the promise I guaranteed to her mother, Master. There is also another thing,” her response caused the older Jedi to shift in his seat, leaning an inch forward to listen closely. “It’s likely that her strong connection with the Force factors to it, but in a way I can’t really explain… Perhaps, to simply put it, I feel like I am the only one fully aware of her capability and potential as a Jedi.”

The old master gave himself a moment to ponder on this. He slightly slouched, propping his elbow atop his lap as he rubbed his bearded chin.

He smacked his lips, “The Force bridged your and Jidné’s energies, perhaps it began the moment you discovered her.”

This response caused Nomara’s head to slightly bob sideways and her eyebrows pulled with a hybrid of confusion and fascination.

“But Master Yoda said attachments are forbidden,” Nomara counter-argued.

“The Force linking you and child together is an attachment in a certain point of view, but not in the exact same definition the Jedi Masters in the Council believe in—the kind that they forbid. I wouldn’t deny the ways of the Force intervening with any occurrence at all, I’d like to think it is its way of communicating to us without the need of words.”

“If you look at it that way, Master, that kind of does make sense. Just a bit too much to wrap my head around it,”

The old master chuckled at the comment of his apprentice, she is still young and has a long way to go—both as a Jedi and a Seeker, he hoped that her post as such would allow her to see things in various perspectives.

“Nomara, if we sever ourselves from our feelings—whether towards ourselves or others—what does that make us then? The living Force is all about connecting those around you. It may be difficult to comprehend today, but you will soon. That is something the Jedi are lacking in virtue right now.”

“You’re lucky you’re confiding this only to me, Master Yoda and Master Windu would strongly disagree with you,” the Togruta meant that as a half-joke to which Master Caius received positively and agreed with.

“Even Master Qui Gon thinks likewise. If I could name all the Jedi who think similarly like he and I, perhaps the count could only fit within my one hand,” said Master Caius spoke in a dismal tone, somewhat hoping that there were more who wouldn’t dismiss his perspective as odd and “not the Jedi way” as some called it.

“I hope to become as open and wise about the Force as you are, Master,” Nomara consoled.

Loriq quickly zones out of his somber trance and then places his hand atop his apprentice’s shoulder with such affirmation, quickly squeezing it as they both shared small, sober smiles at one another. He excuses himself and prepares to leave the room in Nomara’s solitude.

“Master, another query,”

The Togruta stopped the man from getting closer to the door. Master Caius angles his entire body to face his apprentice.

“What is it, Nomara?”

Nomara had the words piling at the tip of her tongue already, she thought it was a bold question, and so she took a deep breath before speaking it out.

“If I were to become a mentor…” she trailed. “I hope to be as good as you.”

Her words intrigued the master, but it warmed him as well. He sensed that she yearned affirmation when she said those words. The old master had an inkling of her motive between the lines of her sentence, not once did he shun her for her ambitions or aspirations, in fact, he supported and encouraged her greatly—something that he found nearly absent amongst the Jedi.

“Worry not, Nomara, I believe you are more than ready than you think,” and with that, Master Caius gave a slow yet curt bow at the Togruta before departing the meditation chamber.

During one of the Initiates’ Training, Yoda personally visited the stands and observed the children. Jidné in particular seemed to have shown great potential—she was both athletic and nimble, her lack of brute strength against the bigger children were compensated for her dexterity.

Her performance has impressed the mentors, but one of her most prominent traits is her innate impulse to help those in need. Nomara spotted Jidné helping her two friends, Brese and Leane, in the middle of a practical application phase of the lesson.

“Bend your knees a little like this, Leane, that way there’s more balance for you!” Jidné coached.

“So…” Leane mimicked Jidné’s posture, lightsaber in hand. “L-Like this?”

“That’s it! You got it!” the girl squealed and quickly resumed her own stance.

“Kinda makes it less likely for me to fall off!” Brese added, Jidné agreed to the young Nautolan boy and then passed that knowledge to Leane.

The three younglings then faced their individual training spheres. They managed to block and deflect the non-lethal yet stinging blasts of the hovering balls, the three of them celebrated briefly but Master Yoda—who was today’s proctor—decided to challenge the children. With one hand, he summoned a number of large helmets that were too big for the younglings’ heads. Using the Force, each and every helmet was worn on their heads by Master Yoda’s whim.

“How are we gonna see the targets?!” Brese exclaimed openly, speaking for everyone in the room.

“The Force will guide you! Your surroundings, it connects you to, hmm.”

There wasn’t exactly any room for argument there. The younglings prepared themselves, the once tight and confident grips around their sabers became shaky and clammy—their self-esteem was left in the dark when the visors came down.

Some of them managed to deflect the shots, but only for a few times or so until they were stung in the arm, shoulder, or leg. The others never resumed the proper stances anymore, they simply stood erect while waving their lightsabers in the direction of the training drones. Jidné, on the other hand, buckled herself slightly—she was still unsure on where the drone was going in front of her, sometimes her saber doesn’t even go in the same direction as the drone does, but she remained focused.

In the last minute, she was able to deflect one shot. The drone zoomed to its upper left, Jidné turned her head to that direction—despite being virtually blind—and waved her saber around, antsy for more shots to deflect. It was a bit of a stretch, but she hoped she’d be given a barrage of it—that’s simply her being overly-excited with the thrill of success.

“Ow!”

Jidné’s clean streak of four blocks was cut by the fifth shot stinging her shoulder. Nomara—along with the other Jedi visiting the stands—examined Jidné’s demonstration. The whole time, the Togruta was stricken with the child’s progress over time. The youngling seems to have honed her lightsaber skills, even though they’re most probably still learning Form I: Shii-Cho.

At that moment, Nomara Anesh has fully made up her mind.

—–

24 BBY

The most opportune time for Nomara to speak up has come.

She waited outside the Council’s door, patient and impatiently at the same time. The longer she stood by the door, the more anxious she became. She rubbed her clammy hands together until the warmth fizzled out the jolting nerves underneath her skin.

The hiss of the door startled her, no one was there to greet her in, the door opening by itself gestured her to come in the Council Chambers. Nomara had only gotten a few paces into the chamber, from there she found all of the masters in their respective seats, her eyes quickly surveyed and named them mentally one by one.

She put herself in the center of the room. All of the masters gave either a piercing glance or an inquisitive, gentle one—Masters Aayla Secura, Shaak Ti, Plo Koon, and Yaddle to name a few, were the latter.

“Seeker Anesh,” initiated Mace Windu, a quick gesture of the hand served as his greeting.

She bowed to return the acknowledgement before speaking her piece.

The green, sage Jedi Master slowly lifted his eyelids and then angled his head up to acknowledge Nomara’s presence—even though he already has when she stepped into the room.

“A request?” Yoda inquired.

Nomara shakes away the non-existent anxiety that the masters’ gazes inflicted on her as she stands at the very center of the council chamber, she hugged herself with her arms tightly underneath her sleeves—mentally rehearsing how she’s going to begin her speech.

“I wish to train the youngling I discovered,”

The Jedi’s long, pointed ears pricked up.

“Little Jidné Sheedra, hmm?”

Nomara nodded in reply.

All of the Council members knew that it was Nomara who brought Jidné into the Temple, but only a handful of them were aware of the young Togruta’s watchful eye over the youngling—unbeknownst to them, this is Nomara filling in her end of the promise.

“This is most unusual,” Ki-Adi-Mundi commented amidst the silence. “Normally, younglings are not assigned to a master until they finish the final phase of their training.”

“Jidné has not yet completed the Initiate Trials,” Windu interjected. “She and her batch will have yet to undergo the Apprentice Tournament in a month’s time.”

“Yes, Master Windu, I am aware,”

“Pursuing to train the child to become your Padawan learner…” Yoda trailed off. “Your Seeker position, you must give.”

“I understand and I have come to terms with myself on that subject,” Nomara’s voice firmed. “I am willing to relinquish my position as a Jedi Seeker, in exchange of me being allowed to become Jidné Sheedra’s mentor if she passes the Initiate Trials.”

“I sense that there is a much deeper reason within your request, young Anesh,” Plo Koon politely adds, leaning away from the backrest of his seat.

Nomara felt the need to finally disclose the promise she made to Tymara. In the middle of her piece, she blinked fast many times, coming upon a realization—stemming from that one promise, she and Jidné had already forged a bond. In the exact second when Nomara promised the mother that her daughter will be taken care of it, the Force has already molded and sealed their link. The other masters sensed the young Togruta’s conviction and commended her for it. The masters noticed her trail off and then pick herself up and her words.

They deliberate on the spot with mere glances amongst one another. Nomara hung her head low while keeping her eyes on the masters speaking with their eyes. It didn’t take long for them to come to a decision.

“Very well,”

Nomara’s head perked up from Mace Windu’s two simple words.

“Jidné Sheedra is to be your Padawan if she passes the Apprentice Tournament,”

Nomara is immensely elated. She couldn’t contain her excitement, the least she can do to hold herself is bite her lip. She struggled to calm and recompose herself, when she did—she thanked the Council as a whole, bowing to them ceaselessly before departing the room.

As soon as the young Togruta was out of the room, the masters exchanged looks once again. They’re intrigued by the connection manifesting within Nomara and Jidné, even if they haven’t fully interacted with one another quite closely.

One month seems to have passed by so quickly.

Jidné, Brese, Leane, and the other younglings eagerly waited for this day. But now that the time has come, they’re not sure if what they’re feeling is uncontainable excitement or nerve-racking anxiety or a mix of both.

“You guys ever ready?” Brese in the middle asked his two friends.

“Well, kinda…” Jidné shrugged her shoulders.

“My hands are sweaty!” Leane grumbled.

For the first time in these younglings’ lives, it’s only this day when they’ve seen the stands to be filled to the brim. Looking back to their training days, the number could only fit within each of their own two hands; now, there seems to be no space left between one Jedi to the other.

“Why do I have a bad feeling about this…?” Leane whimpered.

Jidné rests her hand on her friend’s shoulder, consoling her, “Don’t worry, Leane. We’ll make it—the three of us.”

By rote, a flock of thirty-two younglings shall be pitted against one another in pairs. Prior to the day of the tournament, the children were already briefed on the rules and how it will go; one day before the tournament itself, they already know who they’re dueling with.

They were also forewarned that the masters will be observing them, the coaches did their best in quelling the pre-tournament anxiety that they’ve borne into the younglings’ heads. Although fazed and ridden with anxiety—so much so that she couldn’t properly grip her saber—Jidné mentally coaxed herself and simply do what she keeps doing, she believed that such a mindset has taken her far.

I won’t let myself falter on the most important day of them all! She proclaimed, staring at the silver finish of her saber.

The flock of younglings were arranged in a column and split into two upon their entry to the arena, they marched in synchronization, lining up the border of the floor. Tera Sinube and Master Yoda stood at the center to give their opening remarks albeit a brief one; when the two old masters stepped away and stood under the shade of the stands—that was the first pair’s cue to come forward.

It was Brese against a green Twi’lek boy. The Nautolan boy capitalized on his innate nimbleness during the battle and keeping mind of Jidné’s own tips during their practical lessons—which he and Leane found greatly helpful.

A duel would normally last less than half an hour, depending on the caliber of both children. This is the only time the younglings would go all out with everything they’ve learned. Five pairs later, it was Leane against another human girl—both of them sensed one another’s anxiety, but eventually got into the thrill of the action. Green sabers clashed against one another, shining bright light around the arena as one parries the other—while not admittedly as strong as the bigger children, Leane was flexible and lithe like Brese, she was able to dodge and make a quick follow-up attack seconds after her evasion.

Jidné was only able to quell her nervousness by quietly supporting her friends from where she stood. Flashing secret smiles at them when they look her way.

“That child has an innate ability to put people at ease,” Loriq thought out loud, exclusively within Nomara’s earshot.

Nomara smiled, reminiscing the moments where Jidné makes everyone smile all too easily, beginning from the moment where she was staying over in their house in Eshyn.

“Yes, I think so too,” she concurred.

Now it was Jidné’s turn. Paz was standing beside her, the tall blond boy cheered her on, whispering “Good luck!” to her before she’d step forward. She beamed a smile and whispered back a quick “Thanks!” and then patted her saber dangling by her belt.

Jidné is pitted against a Mirialan boy. As per tradition, they bowed at one another upon stepping into the center, afterwards they take a step back to draw their sabers. The Mirialan’s green saber contrasted heavily with Jidné’s purple saber. The opponent was indeed nimble, at par with Jidné’s dexterity, but what the girl did next surprised everyone.

This was the very first time Jidné demonstrated her Force Shroud, although she’s still in the middle of refining it herself.

Regardless, she was able to render herself almost invisible—the lights and the gray walls helped her blend in, leaving a trail of visible Force waves lingering in the air. The Mirialan boy’ frenzied eyes did little to aid him in spotting his opponent, only at the last minute did he sense the girl from behind him and deflected her attack, she re-materialized when their sabers met. It was flimsy on his end, but struggled to avoid fumbling.

They continued to trade strikes one after the other, Jidné read her opponent taking on the rather aggressive approach with little to no defensiveness, thus she took advantage of her dexterity and evaded the charging attacks of the Mirialan boy. Whenever he would deliver a hail of attacks at her, Jidné deflected them with clean forms and coordinated footwork. Having her purple saber’s tip hovering just mere inches in front of the boy’s nose, that concluded her duel. The two younglings flashed an impressed grin at one another before doing the customary bow post-fight.

“Your youngling shows a lot of promise,” Loriq commented. “Her skill with the Force is impressive as well, despite being a little rough around the edges.”

The remainders of the tournament proceeded down to the very last pair. When the event concluded, the masters dispersed and conversed with one another in murmurs, cupping the sides of their mouths with their hands as they judge the younglings who have caught their eye.

The younglings who were done with their turn were instructed to retire to the Initiates’ dormitory to rest. Brese and Leane waited for Jidné’s duel to end before going together which has become a joint habit of theirs.

“You were great, Jidné! I bet a lot of masters are gonna come asking you to be their Padawan!” Brese beamed.

“I think you and Leane were pretty great too!” Jidné clapped Leane’s and Brese’s shoulders with her two hands. For her next few sentences, she’s become more animated as they walked along the halls. Her upbeat attitude made the two children laugh, practically washing away their anxieties from earlier.

“The way you two went—POW! And then Leane went—WOOSH!! Aww, it was awesome! No doubt about it, you two, I think we did a great job in impressing the masters!”

Jidné added a comical kick and punched the air in the uppercut to visualize what she meant. Her post-fight energy doesn’t seem to be running out any time soon.

“I’m glad you think our training will pay off, Jidné! It kinda makes me feel better about myself,” Leane chuckled gleefully, the heaviness that anchored in her stomach melted away after being infected with Jidné’s cheerfulness.

Jidné hooked Leane’s neck with her arm, nudging her closer until they’re cheek-to-cheek, “Aw come on, Leane, you’re such a worrywart! How many times do I have to tell you you’re great? Though I don’t mind saying it over and over!”

The next morning, Jidné was summoned to one of the lecture chambers, a warden has personally come to their room to call her. She and Leane exchanged puzzled glances but eventually she followed the servant out of their room.

“Did… Did I do something wrong?” Jidné asked when she walked up to the servant.

The servant chuckled, amused and endeared, “No, Jidné. But you’ll find out soon enough. Run along now.”

Jidné turned behind her, to her friend Leane, and waved at her before disappearing into the grand halls of the Temple. The girl navigated her way to the turbolift leading to the wing where the lecture halls are located. She eventually reached that specific room the servant had told her, with the push of a button the door retracted into its frame—revealing Master Yoda standing with a tall Togruta. Jidné recognized the second Jedi, it was the one who always watched at the stands, she recalled that this Jedi was also watching during the tournament last night.

The girl entered the room and stepped closer to the pair of Jedi Masters.

“I… I was told to come here by one of the wardens,”

“Indeed, you were, Jidné,” Master Yoda waddled towards the child, pegging the floor with his cane as he walked.

“Did… Did I do something wrong?”

The green, ancient Jedi chuckled delightfully, not intending to dismiss the child’s worry but rather uplift her spirit.

“Sought you, a master has; a Padawan, you are to be,”

The child’s eyes lit up, her heart skipped a beat, and her lips parted. Did her ears deceive her? No, she’s sure she’s heard it correctly.

The Togruta walked up to Yoda’s side, facing Jidné as well. She flashed a gentle, warm smile upon seeing the twinkle over the gloss of the child’s dark, soulful eyes.

“Hello, Jidné,”

“Hello,” she cooed.

“My name is Nomara Anesh, it’s nice to meet you…” Nomara stifled a chuckle. “Again.”

Jidné’s smile relaxed a bit and she bobbed her head to the side, “Eh? Again?”

Nomara smiled and knelt to the little girl’s height.

“I was the Jedi who found you and brought you here,”

The youngling’s grin reappeared, stretching from ear-to-ear, and the glint in her eyes shone twice as bright as the first one. The girl’s energy contrasted with her new master’s calm, warm, and kind demeanor.

“Really!? You did?!”

“That’s right,”

“That’s amazing!!” the girl leaped and squealed, butterflies filled her stomach so much that she could feel them coming out of her throat any moment now. “It’s strange though—but in a good way—that you’ve always felt familiar to me. But now that you’ve told me you’re the one who brought me here, that explains it… LIKE A WHOLE LOT!”

Jidné threw her arms up to emphasize her last words, her enthusiasm delighted Nomara; but when she realized that she’s behaving a bit too excitedly, she straightened herself up in the presence of Master Yoda and cleared her throat.

“Truly wonderful and pure her heart is,” Yoda commented, gesturing the girl to be at ease as there’s no need for such formality.

“Are you up for the task as my apprentice, Jidné?”

“Am I ever?!”

Nomara smiled at the child’s optimism. Deep inside her, she made a promise to herself to protect Jidné—not out of the obligation of a promise, but out of genuine love and care for the girl. Perhaps watching over her took her some time to realize, but it’s better late than never.

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shesawriter39049 · 5 years ago

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|THE PLUG|M|JIMIN|21QS|

SUMMARY: Jimin's your "Plug" whose low key kinda becoming your man... so the two of you decide to play a deep yet equally cheeky game of 21 questions in an attempt to get to know each other deeper than JUST sex!

SMUT/ANGST/ FLUFF

PART 1 OF 3

They’ve both been through some shit, and I think secretly they could always sense that, which is part of why they're drawn to each other.

They're also still coming down from there “Post sex euphoria” so everything's a little hazy

Jimin’s just fuckin perfect….and he can’t keep his hands off the OC to save his life, so there is a lot of kissing and touching mixed in!

Jimin does not have the typical gang-related backstory..so your in for a treat

5K- ISH

You CAN read this as a stand-alone but “The Plug” is a series

NON-SEXUAL WARNINGS: Language, Mentions of abuse, drugs, mental illness, death, violence, coming from a broken home....

SEXUAL WARNINGS: Just a lot of touching, kissing, teasing, light dirty talk,mentions of kinks ...implied smut...it’s gonna end with some actual smut though lol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

“ I cannot believe you really won't share your Slurpee with me, after I stood there, mixed your 29 thousand flavors. Strategically layered in your random ass gummy candies in the processes..mixed it so damn well you would've thought I was a certified mixologist! Yet you won't share?!” Both brows completely furrowed in the middle of his face...

I don’t know what’s funnier, the fact that he was genuinely offended or the level of unbothered that danced along your face as you laced your lips around your straw! Accompanied by an almost possessive hold on your cup, from under the over-sized fabric of your hoodie, well Jimin's hoodie actually! You were gripping that cup for dear life, the more he talked!

"Ugh exactly, you had the opportunity to make your own..you didn't…” Shrugging nonchalantly unbothered actually wasn’t even a strong enough word to describe you right now! “I'mma teach you something real quick Y/N is an only child...I don't share.."

A snort leaving his lips at that "Fuckin brat.." This man sounds far too fond for you to even be offended.

The minute the two of you approached the light he gripped you by the front of your hoodie. Effortlessly licking his way through your mouth with a low groan that almost sounds impatient. I guess he decided if you wouldn’t actually share..he'd taste it one way or another. A slight moan leaving your lips as you recline your jaw giving him more room to explore your mouth. I think Jimin's new goal when kissing you was to leave you completely and utterly breathless. The slow, yet skilled languid roll of his tongue against your own, it’s crazy how well he knows your body already! Then, like clockwork, once he has you damn near clawing at his shirt to pull him closer…..

"Traffic lights are around 120 seconds by the way..." Pulling back with an amused smirk just as the light turned green...you actually wanna choke him out at this point!

FIRST OFF, I don't think you've ever seen someone look so effortlessly sexy as they drove, posture laxed, seat reclined. One hand on the wheel the other gently stroking your bare thigh, hair slightly wavy, messily tousled out of his face. The angle also reminded you how disrespectfully sharp this man’s jawline is...then your eyes traveled down to his sinfully thick neck, and that's when your first question popped into mind.

(1)“Why do you like to be marked?” The words zipped through the air, thankful that your first question seemed to pop into your head naturally! You didn't want this to feel forced...you just wanted the two of you to almost flow off of each other...

A slow exhale left his chest, reaching over to turn down the radio, licking his lips “I thought we were saving all sexual questions for last? " Brow quirked in your direction as he glanced over briefly, just enough for you to be reminded that Jimin was fine as fuck.

"We are...but I don't think your reasons purely sexual..." Adjusting your posture so you were almost laying on your side. Gazing over at him a little too fondly for your liking ...but you couldn't help it...

You could already see the smirk playing on his face even though he wasn't looking at you "It's not that I like to be marked...I just like to be marked by you…” Turning his head just enough to catch your expression as he said what you kind of already knew. Still, you can’t help but find yourself repeatedly baffled by how straightforward this man was. Throat feeling dry as all hell, regardless of the fact that you’re currently inhaling your Slurpee as we speak! “And your right… I've grown to realize ..the reason stems deeper than just my dick getting hard every time you do it …though...that’s diffidently a plus”

Humming low around the straw, you’re all ears…and if you didn't know any better the man next to you may have been blushing!

”Do you remember what color lipstick you had on the first time we met?” Eyes going completely wide at the question, mind drawing straight blanks because what!? The lack of response triggered a low chuckle to rumbled in his chest. “I do,it was a deep red..almost burgundy actually...”

The fact that he even remembered that, you’d be lucky if an ex remembered your damn birthday nevertheless a lipstick hue....

”We were both drunk as hell, but I’ll fast forward because I have another question for you separately in regards to that night in general…”

Already well aware of what he was getting at, whelp, the chances of you getting through this without crying are completely out the window now!

“When we were making out, and dancing all over each other in the club, you ended up kissing me every damn where..one place, in particular, was my neck. Which is common” Shrugging slightly, pausing to temporally focus on the road as thee was someone in front of you going negative two!, So Jimin opted to swerve lanes.

“I didn't even notice until the morning but when I woke up it was like...I still had little memories of you crawling all over my skin. I couldn’t get you outta my head even if I wanted too....” Now theirs no hiding it, he, is blushing and it has your toe curling.

“ Then...months later when I came over for the delivery, and we ended up actually having sex, the first thing you did when I slid you onto my lap was latch onto my neck like it was yours! As if to mark your territory.” Turning his head to yours lightly a slight smirk before bringing his attention back to the road. “Of course sexually it felt amazing because I like pain, and you went, in..fuck” A slight moan fell off his lips as he released the moment, and suddenly you really wanted to straddle his lap again.

“...Then the next morning even though you were gone..you really weren’t, every time I looked at my shoulder, or my neck...it was like I could feel every second of that night, over and over again....” Suddenly Jimin went from just rubbing your thigh to kneading them between those skilled fingers of his....edging higher and higher.

Fuck.

“ I was never one for hickeys or bite marks, not because I think it’s trashy or anything clearly I'm not one to judge. But because I never liked someone leaving their mark on me. I didn't like the idea of someone looking at me and knowing someone’s had me..that someone left a piece of themselves on my skin...until you…”

There was a slight pause that felt like it lasted for HOURS, why did you wanna do this again!? This was only the first question and you felt light headed!

“For some reason I just really liked the idea of having you on my skin, of knowing you were there and that spot it just as much yours as it is mine…” Sinking his teeth into his bottom lip trying to hide the very timid almost bashful smile that moved up his face “I don't know...even from jump there was just always something very intimate about that..with you… Something that’s stemmed a little deeper than just a pain kink..”

Fuckkkk, your face was hot, your entire body was hot, and not even in a sexual way...just ...damn, Jimin just flat out admitted he likes the idea of almost “belonging to you” in the most primal sense of the word! You know he’s very open, not one for games which is refreshing to a the least but that doesn't make his bluntness any less dizzying!

Your eyes screamed how flustered you were, as you gazed up at him, not even sure how to respond to that, but before you even had a chance too…..

(2)“Why do you sub for me...effortlessly....beautifully actually...when your clearly not a sub by nature?” His pause was intentional...trying to read your body language a little.

“ And yes, in the same notion...I’m pretty sure your reasons not purely sexual either baby…” Continuously rubbing soothing circles in your thigh as you slouched down in your seat even more….it was like he knew he was probing at a sensitive topic even before he gauged your reaction.

“Well, ugh..fuck” A shaky breath fluttered through your chest and you can’t help but chuckle at how awkward you currently feel...Believe it or not, you actually didn't see this one coming/ However this was your idea, he didn't hold back so neither were you!

“I’ve always felt the need to have control in my life which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but sometimes it’s exhausting to be real. Honestly, it’s because I’ve been let down a lot, so I find it hard to just...let go...” It’s actually a little sad how nonchalant those words left your lips, as if you aren’t even phased by disappointment anymore!

The slow nod he gave as you spoke was comforting, almost as if to say he kinda already figured that played a major part in your sexual preferences. Your issues with being in “control” trusting people…his coloration also shows that both of you were actually very much in tune with one another ..more than just sexually! Even if you’d never realized it until now.

“So ya know the saying…”if you want something done right, ya gotta do it yourself…” I guess I applied that to my sex life as well! I’ve always wanted to be able to just lay there, and let my partner have free reign and control over my body ...”

A pregnant pause fluttered through the air and it wasn’t at all intentional ..for some reason you felt felt..nervous...being this open and honest and he could tell right away…

“Take your time, it’s just you, me and the highway for another 30 miles baby...I got nothin but time…”

Clearing your throat before continuing, voice a little shakier this time around, “I’ve always wanted to be able to give someone full control and still be comfortable and confident enough, that I didn’t have to be in control to get what I need. Of course, shit like that doesn’t flow well in one night stands, because you don’t have time to get to know one another. So I am speaking in the instances of a reoccurring partner, somebody that could take over and I could still be purely satisfied because in case you can’t tell I’m not one to fake a damn thing…” An airy chuckle fluttered into the air breaking up the tension a little.

“Up until I met you I never felt like I could just kind of “be”...in the moment ya know? Not think about a damn thing...or HAVE to give instruction to feel like my needs would be fulfilled.”

The cool breeze wisping through the car was a good filler..as you stumbled through your thoughts.. The slight hum from the wind silenced any awkwardness that tried to linger in the air.

“I don’t know how to explain it..my mind and body was just naturally at ease with you...I just felt safe....which is odd because I didn't really know you. Yet for some reason I could just tell..that in “that” moment..when we were tangled up doing whatever..I didn't have to worry or think..I could just close my eyes and feel. Have a little escape from reality..live in a world where someone else was in control and it wouldn’t all go to shit! I don’t know...It probably sounds supid but-” Flagging your hand in the air almost as if to disregard your entire statement.

“What??!” Turning his head so his eyes could meet your briefly, he actually looked offended, to be honest, “Nothing about that was stupid, Y/N thats what sex is...it’s pleasure but it’s also an escape...it’s meant to make you feel good..to relive your body of all it’s stress and bullshit! There’s nothing wrong with you just wanting to...be in the moment, and just let yourself be used in any way you want…anyway you need” His entire delivery changed within seconds your thighs were instantly humming, as Jimin’s bedroom voice slid through the air.

The circles he was tracing up your thigh with his fingers..started edging higher and higher up your leg “Aye..” Pausing until you made eye contact with him, “Do you know how sexy that is!? How damn good that makes me feel?” I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again...this man’s voice...just the right about of need laced through his tone. Just enough to make you wanna give him whatever the hell he wanted!

“To know that I can be that for you..that you trust me enough when I’m wrapped around you to just do whatever the fuck I want? Be the one to give you everything you need.... and then some….” There was just the perfect blend of genuine care, appreciation, and of course pure, PURE smugness that moved between his tone and his face. Ya know what!? You couldn't even be mad because dammit he deserved it!

“I mean...there’s a reason I keep comin right??” Brow quirked at the blatant innuendo laced within that…. Biting down on your bottom lip tentatively as you pondered how to transition to this next question. Placing your hand over his..intertwining his fingers with yours instantly….

A humm leaving his lips at that, kissing the back of your hand...

(3) “Ummm...hopefully this isn’t too personal but you were the one that brought it up earlier so of course I’m curious. What’s the deal with your family, you don’t have to share more than you’re ready to but I am just- “

“My dad’s a total piece of shit” Was the first thing that slipped past his lips more casual than expected….. Your lips forming the “O” shape...as you stared back at him...not sure how to process that actually…

“He was barely around, and very, very abusive... “ The emphasis on that had your stomach doing 386373 knots “I’m first-generation Korean -American...so both of my parents are Korean born with very thick accents, they struggled with jobs. My sperm donor did manual labor and my mother often cleaned houses ..and or waitressed.” The grip on he held on your hand only got tighter the more he spoke.

“When I was 15, my father left for 5 months, so my older brother and I both got jobs to help support my mom. Luckily the house was paid off so we didn't have many bills..but my mom fell into a very..very deep stage of depression ...” Bringing his hand up to your mouth..kissing it gently which made him smile a little. Even though it was clear he was letting himself fall back into that headspace..almost as if he were reliving it all over again...

“ She was one of those women that I think... felt like she needed validation from my father and felt as though there was something wrong with her because HE couldn't pull his shit together. One night I got a call at work, my “dad” had beat my mom to the point of her almost going unconscious…” You could literally hear the lump in his throat at that..slowly running your thumb over his palm….repeatedly. Dusting your lips over the back of his hand...as you watched his jaw, and grip on the steering wheel tighten.

“She cried to me and my brother, that she couldn't afford to leave him...I had saved up some money...from working at a bowling alley...and at multiple little mom and pop restaurants. We moved her into a trailer...so she could have freedom! It was low income the rent wasn't shit! She went back to waitressing...shit was cool for hell I don't know maybe 2 months! Then I come home one night after working a double at fucking 16 years old..and all his shit is moved back in...”

You had a gut feeling this was going one of two ways...neither were the most warming

“We got into it..bad… real bad…” Eyes cutting over to yours briefly and they were almost pitch black “I beat the fuck outta him, and I still don’t regret it, he’s lucky I didint kill his ass. He’s probably the only person I could kill with my bare hands and have no regrets…” It was utterly terrifying how calm he got when he said that, no emotion left to be read on his skin..yet you got it...you really really did. Not even able to fathom how he must’ve felt seeing his mother like that!

“I told her I was done! I can’t and I won’t fuckin do this...so it’s him...orrr me…” Eyes glancing over to meet yours again, a dry scoff leaving his chest…

Not even trying to hide the hurt laced within your eyes, as you gazed back at him like a sad puppy, you weren’t trying to pitty him but fuck! How can you not after hearing that!?

“Yuppp, cops were called so I dipped...at 16...I went back days later to get my shit..and when I realized nothing changed..my mind was made up! I’ve tried over the years to smooth it out but...nah….Nah…” Shaking his head in disgust at just the thought of it..there was so much more..you wanted to unwarp from that. But you didn't wanna pry...this was about the two of you sharing what you felt comfortable sharing...nothing more nothing less

A deep slow exhale left his body as he slipped his hand away from yours..the pout more than evident as you lost his warmth. Reaching over to grab a joint, placing it between those dangerously plump lips of his. Lighting the tip with him even asking you to ...taking a long drag inhaling the smoke through his lips, blowing it all out of his nostrils…

“I’m sorry..” slipped past your lips before you even had a chance to think about it...a faint smile tugging on his lips, shaking his head disapprovingly at your choice of words

“No need to be sorry, I wouldn’t be me if that shit wouldn't have happened ...I've learned not to question my battles..” Placing the joint back between his lips, you could see it in his eyes he was thinking of his neck question.

‘Well since you got me all in my feels, before we get a little light-hearted...I mideswell ask the question I implied about earlier…” Cocking his head to the side, blowing a cloud of smoke in your direction as you waited anxiously for the words to spill off his lips.

(4) “Why were you falling apart outside of Johnnys the night I first met you??? What had you so broken that you were crying alone behind your car?” His tone and his eyes got extremely soft as the question rolled off his tongue..leaning over slightly welcoming the joint between your lips before responding because fuck if you didn’t need it right about now…

Letting the smoke just fill your lungs before you reclined your neck...puffing out a cloud...eyes fluttering shut in the process “It was my dad's birthday...and he died when I was 20...during my junior year of college.”

You watched Jimin's eyes flutter close briefly, dropping his head a little as you two approached the traffic light. I think he was hoping for something more along the lines of “My ex dumped or cheated on me” Not something this heavy…

“Y/N...baby I’m sorry I didn't think it was anything like that, if you don’t wanna-”

“Hey…” Gripping his chin slightly ‘I told you I wanted us to get to know each other...If I can let you come in me I can open up a little….” A nervous chuckle fell from your lips before pulling him in for a quick kiss..which wasn't so quick. “Come’re” Pressing down hard on the breaks, using his opposite hand that was on the wheel to grab you by the back of your neck. Tongue toying around with yours almost teasingly because he didn't have time for much else. Luckily for the two of you no cars were on the road this time of night, moaning against his tongue at just the taste of him. His palms warm against your skin..already had your body at ease, little did he know how fucked this entire scenario really was. But at this moment, you were calm...heart rate slowing down with every languid roll off his tongue.

Stroking your cheek with his thumb as he pulled back tentatively it was written all over his face he didn’t wanna let you go…”You are.so.damn.beautiful...fuckk…” He almost sounded breathless as he gazed back at you, not even trying to hide the smile that stretched from ear to ear.

“ I’m really happy you choose to be my rider tonightt...that were getting to do...”this”..that I’m getting to explore your mind in the same way I do your body....”” Was it nessicary for him to be this smooth??! Just curious...Biting down on that plush bottom lip of his before leaning over to place one more kiss along your lips. Forcing himself to bring his focus back to the road.

“Me too” fell from yours in nothing more than a whisper as you got readjusted in your seat, you weren't sure if the two of you were still in post-coital bliss or what! But this vibe was such a mood and you never wanted it to end! Placing the joint in the hand that was gripping the wheel so he could reconnect his fingers with yours.

“I grew up a daddy’s girl my mother actually had some mental issues that only got worse with age! She refused to get help so for my safety, my dad got soul custody. It was bad...like sneak in my room and try and kidnap me bad …” You couldn't help but laugh at Jimin’s expression as his eyes damn near bugged out of their sockets...that's typically the way most people react...and or ask you when your “LifeTime” special was coming out!

“My father had a heart condition, it’s not genetic..it was a defect because his mom was a drug addict ...so with him playing super dad on top of being a firefighter! He never put himself first and I think he didn’t want to worry me while I was away at college. So shit got a lot worse than he lead me to believe..like I thought it all crashed and burned at once ya know? But as the years go on, and I really step back and think about the way things were..I don’t think that was the case…”

Jimin could feel the tension in your body as you squeezed down on his hand, thighs pattering against the floor anxiously “Sometimes I just feel...guilty... “ there was nothing subtle about the way your voice started to waiver in your chest...suddenly feeling almost light headed…

”- Because we were so close and I guess I feel like I should’ve been able to tell something was wrong...and to be honest deep down I think I did I just-Fuck-” Breaking your hand away from his, placing both of your hands over your face as you felt your chest swell, you really hated crying in front of people. Though you were completely silent your muscles were tensing painfully hard, almost as if your body was caving in on itself. It’s been a minute since you’ve talked about this...

“Hey, heyyyy” Voice sitting barely above a whisper as he spoke, you didn't even realize it because you were too busy trying to stop yourself from falling apart! But Jimin pulled over ...Putting the car in park, and throwing the joint in the ashtray “Shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay...I got you…” All you could hear was static zipping through your head as he unbuckled your seatbelt.

Effortlessly lifting you over the center council in one motion placing you on his lap, body naturally melting into his. Which only made you cry even harder once you felt his chest flesh against your cheek, legs dangling across the car in the process. Chest rising and falling painfully hard as your breath hiccuped in your chest. Jimin’s hand soothing up your back..lips pressed firm into your hair as he tried to keep you calm. Feeling like complete trash for even bringing that night up...not that he could’ve even fathomed it would turn into this!

“I’m soo sorry, really I wouldn't have mentioned-” Shaking your head furiously cutting him off, finally pulling your face from his chest wiping it hastily with the sleeve of your hoodie. Nose and eyes bright ass red...cheeks already puffy…

“Fuck- no, no, it’s not your fault, I don’t know where this came from I jus-Shit…” Your temples were pounding, your chest was tight you felt like you were damn near suffocating, every breath managed to knock the wind out of you repedetaly!

“Just breathe..breathe for me baby, like I said..I got all the time in world I told Brandi and Tim I’d be to them before 7AM...they work midnights. I’m not rushing you, your my only concern right now!” You'd never met someone with such patience, he sat there silently… as you tried to pull your shit together! Stroking his hands up your back, giving you your space to do, and feel whatever you needed too.

“In reality, there's no way I couldve known...nobody’s a mind reader, and it’s clear he didn't want me to know, in retrospect I know that. It’s just really hard to make myself believe it sometimes…” Stroking his jaw, forcing a timid smile to move up your face as you felt him lean over and kiss your fingers.

“ The day we met, I had just gotten a promotion..finally doing what my degree was for and not just someones damn assistant. I just really wanted to call my dad..and hear him tell me how proud he was of me-” Everything died off your tongue at that point..voice shattering .....you were done..next question PLEASE!

You kinda just gave up at this point...there's no way in hell you’d be able to get this story out..not right now at least...reclining back a little so your back was resting against the steering wheel. Trying to stop your breath from hiccuping in your chest! Letting your eyes flutter shut in an attempt to do as he said… breath… you felt Jimin’s hands soothe up your thighs before his lips connected to the bulging vein on your neck. Painting kisses on every inch of skin he could reach, his motives weren’t sexual...he was just trying to relax you, and he knows his touch does that..effortlessly…

Slipping one hand up under your hood, soothing his palm between your chest and your shoulder before settling on the curve of your breast, resting casually over your heart. Taking mental note as it slowly started to even out the more he kissed you. So he didn't stop...thumb gently stroking your skin...he’d do it for hours if need be.

(5) “ How did you go, from working at a bowling alley..to this??” The question broke through the silence, voice slightly husky from crying..finally letting your eyes flutter open, only to be met by the beauty man in front of you. Who was smiling fondly back in your direction

“Because of a man..named Tim, who's the only person in my life...that has ever gotten me to the point that you were just at...when talking about your dad.”

The reference alone made you smile, just thankful to know it seems Jimin DID have someone in his life that gave a fuck about him!

“He would frequent the alley at night, typically play a couple of rounds with two kids that were a couple years older than me named Yoongi and Namjoon. They actually worked for him, Tim ran his own construction company… he also grew his own bud.”

A smile spreading across his face as he noticed you already starting to connect the dots as he spoke. “They’d drink beers and just dick around a little, I met him two years prior to me moving out of my mom’s, my original plan was to just sleep in my car until I figured it out. That lasted about a week...then one night I was off, and drunk..and playing pool with Tim and Yoongi and it spilled out..Tim asked..well, told me to come move in with him!”

“Oh thank fuck!!” Fluttered from your chest with the biggest smile imaginable because the idea of 16-year-old Jimin roughing it in his car damn near broke your heart.

He graced you with that smile again, the one where his eyes disappeared into his face...the cutest shit you’d ever seen in your damn life!

“ Mmmhmm...graduated early at 16 actually, then I started working for Tim, because it was cash he’d let me work as many hours as there was work..and Tim always had work! While living with him we’d smoke..but he also taught me how to properly trim plants! He tried to teach Yoongi and Joon but neither of them had the patience for it! I’m a night owl by nature..I guess because I got used to hearing my damn parents argue all fuckin night….”

There was a blatant shift within him at just the mention of his parents, the sudden fondness he had while speaking of Tim ...was long gone.Stroking his chin with your thumb, almost as if you were trying to pull him out of his thoughts!

“He’d take me along on his more..civil drops I guess you’d say….”

“Ahh so he’d take you with him to see his “Brandi or Tim” You chimed in playfully reaching for your Slurpee which was all syrup at this point.

“Exactly…:” Eyeing the gummy shark you had wedged between your teeth...leaning in slightly allowing him to bite half, but in true Jimin fashion there was no way in hell he’d let you get that close without stealing a kiss. Oh how easily this man got distracted when you were around! Catching the tail of the candy with his teeth before briefly slipping his tongue past the seam of your lips with a slight moan, as the two of you volleyed the piece of candy between your tongues. Laughing into the kiss which ultimately ended up pulling the two of you apart, because he reallyyyy wasn’t trying to let go anytime soon…

“Finish your story sir! No cliffhangers allowed! !”

Eyes rolling to the back of his head with an exaggerated sigh before complying “ Fineee, Long story short….because I can go on for years about that man! I don’t know what I would’ve done or where I’d be without him, honestly I’d probably be in jail right now..” Chest getting painfully tight at his blunt honesty, slightly because you could somewhat relate to it! Especially once your dad died, and you suddenly didn't have a house to come home too...you had to figure shit out reallllllll quick!

“ He had lung cancer, and of course his line of work is really hard on the body regardless, he found out he had it when I was 19. That same year he looked at me and said “If a day comes and I’m not here… I need to know your sleeping under a roof every night!”

His eyes left yours briefly gazing out the window as he nervously grazed his bottom lip with his teeth...placing your drink down so you could let your fingers get lost in his hair. Just gently massaging his scalp as he talked...hoping it would put him at ease.

“So, I had saved up a couple of thousand dollars, between working on houses...and ... other things that you may not wanna know. I used the cash and bought a really shitty, 2 bedroom house off the auction list . Obviously it needed a ton of work, but Tim , Yoongi, Joon, and some of his other guys would come over and help me fix it up for damn near 6 months straight. Even after we just worked a 10 hour day..and the only payment they’d accept was bud, beer..and pizza!” You could see him smiling through the glass, though he still wouldn't look at you, you weren’t gonna force him...when he was ready he’s make eye contact again. You were just happy he was smiling and not crying…

“Honestly those were some of the happiest years of my life...I never thought I could be happy until I met them.” Unfortunately the smile started to fade, and again..your gut already told you why!

“As I got older and Tim got a little weaker, I got more involved with “that” side of the business. I started doing 90% of his drops,both in and out of state. He taught me how to plant them, clean them, feed them...make sure they cured properly...how to make the perfect hybrid..how to turn it into wax..butter..oils..you name it!”

Ahh so Tim was not only a father figure...but a mentor as well….

“Early 2016, his cancer got really really bad and he was in hospice and we all knew he wasn’t going to make it ! He didn’t have any kids and he hated his kinda sorta ex-wife…”

That’s when Jimin eyes finally met yours and you wished they didn’t those big brown puppy dog eyes of his were completely glazed over. “I was at the hospital with him, and he told me he wanted to stop all medications and treatments and just let whatever was going to happen, happen…:”

You watched his head recline against the glass, eyes swelling...he didn't even try and stop the single tear that fell from his face. Jaw twitching in the process…”That was the hardest shit I ever had to go through...I didn't even cry that hard when I walked away from my parents. He just- I wake up and think about him every.damn.day...shit fuckin sucks man...” You could tell he was holding onto those tears for dear life, trying his damndest not to let them leave his eyes....

Men were tricky when they were vulnerable...you weren’t sure how to read him, until he grabbed you, positioning your head in the crook of his neck. Not sure if he just wanted you there for comfort or if he just didn't want to make eye contact while he cried..either way you compiled ... Especially once you felt how hard he exhaled once your body made contact with his, almost as if he was holding his breath prior. Kissing “your spot” repeatedly as he talked, the feeling of a couple stay tears landing in your hair had your chest swelling in the meantime!

“He told me to take his spare key and take whatever I wanted.. And more importantly, make sure his plants make it to harvest and make sure I make some damn good money off of them.” You couldn't help but laugh at that..your breath tickling the side of Jimin's neck which pulled a tentative chuckle from his throat that was much needed. You heard him sniffle a couple of times, the slight shift let you know he was wiping his face on his sleeve, but you didn't look. Respecting his space..just soothing his chest, and kissing every inch of skin you could reach…

Again you wanted this to flow..not feel forced..if Jimin’s not ready to cry in front of you then he’s not ready..hopefully, someday he’s comfortable enough to do so!

“ So that’s what I did I took pretty much all of his crop..and some other substances that he often played with...” Eyes suddenly going wide as if he just had a very vivid flashback..hoping he’d share with the class...

“Now I’m not gonna lie...shit almost got reallll ugly when I went to sell his other….” products” but that’s a long story that will save that for a different day…”

Nooo fuck no...why would he do that!? Now he knows it’s gonna flood your mind until he actually explains what the hell happened! And more importantly what was it? Coke? Heroin? Ecstasy?!

“Real shit, I didn't take anything materialistic, except a couple of shirts, hats, and hoodies that he wore a lot. Items that just reminded me of him like I didn’t care for his TV or anything. But now, fast forward... it’s been 3 years since he’s been gone and it’s just become my thing. Tim didn’t commercially but he always wanted to, he said that would be his retirement plan, he’d stop working on houses, buy a farm and get licensed. So that’s a big reason why I eventually did it, once I had enough saved for a license and everything.... I’m just naturally good at it, I enjoy it and more importantly, I don’t look like the type to have an eighter in his trunk, soooo that helps!!”

Hell yeah I’m sure it does, when you first found out he was a dealer even years ago you legit thought your friend was joking..like is this the porn hub version orrrrr!?

“Thankfully, a lot of Tim’s clients knew me because I've been doing drops for him since I was like 17...once they realized my crop was up the par..they stuck with me. Then of course over the years, I’ve made some of my own clients too, clearly the dispensaries and stuff I got on my own. I’ve rendered a lot of really dope customers though, including this really sexy little thing I met out at Johnny's damn near 8 months ago now...! She just can’t get enough...”

The sudden change in pace had your lips heading on a different mission, not sure if Jimin just worked like that...where his moods could shift quickly or if he just needed a distraction from how deep shit was getting...either way...you decided to give him what he needed.

“Mmm..oh yeah???” Finally doing what he’s been mentally begging for as you licked a stop up the side of his neck, before sinking your teeth right into the patch of skin right beneath his jaw. Grinding your hips down into his hard..until you pulled a restrained moan from his throat. Hand slipping up under hoodie so smack your ass, only to find.. you’re not wearing panties because of course, you aren't. A low growl slips past his lips as you bounce on his lap slightly, blunt nails digging into your bare ass. “Behaveeee..daddy..we still got like 13 questions left…” Wrapping your lips around his skin until it was your desired shade of purple, pulling back with a satisfied moan.

“Then you need to get the fuck off my lap before I just say fuck this game and make you come all over again…...it’s only been a couple of hours..I know you are still nice and wet for me” Yanking your hair until the sting traveled from your scalp to your core...nipping on the hinge of your jaw. Instantly regretting starting this little game with him..because now you wanted him...really fuckin bad!

“Now back to your game…” bringing his lips over to the side of your neck..tugging the tiny hoop that danced in your ear between his teeth. Letting the metal bar from his piercing dance between your skin and the piercing.

(6) Why do you keep coming back to me?” Pulling back letting his forehead rest against yours “ What do you want from me?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THAT’S ALL SHE WROTE FOR NOW...LOL if you guys want more and you want me to do the other questions spread out over 2 more parts..show this some love and lemme know!

”FINAL NOTE- Hopefully you guys enjoyed my twist on Jimin’s drug dealer backstory! Probably not what you expected, but what would explain his more chill, open personality. As opposed to that stereotypical, angry, passive-aggressive, closed off , gang member facde your use to when dealing with a drug dealer. His journey to where he is now is a little different than most in his position! For him he wasn’t forced into this...it almost saved him in a way....gave him a sense of purpose...if you will!

Also, take note that he’s not stupid, he may not be afraid of his emotions but he hasn’t shared anything that could be “Used against him” if you will. Everything that was discussed has been past tense….

SOME upcoming questions

FOR JIMIN

"Have you ever gotten caught/ almost caught/any transactions gone sideways?"

" Is there anything you'd like to do in the future..outside of ”This”? "

"What changed that night that made you finally ask me out?"

"Why do you like to be called "daddy""?

FOR THE OC

"What do you want from me?"

"Do you think you can actually handle all of this? Me going MIA at night..or even out of the state for a couple days.!? Or just knowing I'm not some corporate guy in a suite?"

"What do you actually do for a living"

"Do you feel safe with me? If you get in this deep are you worried about your safety in anyway?"

“When you called me at midnight for that delivery...was it your intention to fuckk me?”

#jimin #jimin smut #jimin angst #park jimin #park jimin smut #park jimin angst #bts #bts smut #bts angst #bts one shot #bts au #jimin au #jimin drug dealer

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jerrisdiction · 5 years ago

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Finding my voice

These days I fumbled with the thought of censoring my words, or even going back to re-edit my blog posts. But that itself goes against the spirit of jotting down genuine, original thoughts that I may have.

A lot of writing, or just creating anything would involve finding that voice, that message which we are trying to convey. That was probably how blogs arose - there were themes that each attempts to focus on, like a website. School life, beauty, food, travel - loads of them out there. I suppose people who don’t have a specific focus may still do well - some of them are influencers, and some readers read because it’s them.

For me, though, there are so many things which I want to write about. Never had I imagined this, until people actually told me that I write fairly well. Seriously? My lack of vocabulary always makes me give up in exasperation though. And I constantly swung between “I’m not original enough, I don’t feel like it’s my writing” and “my style is too bizarre or childish for anyone to appreciate, I should switch to a more acceptable, mature way of writing”. Not just writing, but also singing, editing photos - and lately with editing videos. Lately I struggle with wanting to delete my videos, simply because they seem so similar to the trending aesthetic vlogs. Those with cute fonts, borders, lo-fi/ calm/ cute background music, warm tones. See, I’ve watched enough of these vlogs to know what is popular. And sure more people are adopting similar styles from one another; sometimes we see comments like “oh your style reminds of haegreendal, it’s so calm and soothing” and they’d reply “thank you I’m honoured to hear that, she’s amazing!”. And that sort.

But thankfully I took some time to think about all these, and came to wonder - perhaps this is all about our need to share our lives with the world outside. It is pretty toxic at times. I remember those days I just wanted to tweet something funny or post a nice cover, to get loads of retweets and likes. It’s probably a phase which all of us would go through. Until we realise that fine line between sharing our lives simply because it’s worth sharing, and sharing our lives to gain that validation. As someone who grew up on validation and craved validation, it was no wonder I fell prey to this pretty easily. And that was partly why I kept deleting my accounts, moving from one platform to another - hoping to “make it big” somewhere online because I could no longer beg for that validation in real life.

That “online” persona of mine viewed my real-life persona as someone pathetic, because I was getting increasingly low-profile.

Only for me to gradually realise, that was actually what I really wanted deep down.

The question then, could be - is there anything worthy to write about then?

It comes back to the matter of doing things intrinsically. My friends told me to sing because I enjoy it, not because there is an audience; to write because I need to express and clear my thoughts, not because it is an art form or something whimsical that people need to appreciate. Hell, who appreciates rants? It reminds me of those among us, who create private accounts to rant or ramble. It sure felt a little comforting that your closer friends could view the posts and give some words of moral support. But sometimes when people admit that it feeds their ego a little (how, I cannot figure), that’s likely when it gets a little... Warped. The need for validation, once again.

Or perhaps, a fine balance has to lie between positioning oneself, and neglecting one’s uniqueness in order to fit in. Since a long time ago, we were taught to be prepared for that classic question - for that elevator speech. Tell them something unique about yourself, but also something acceptable. A blog description is more likely to say “Hi I’m xxx, I’m an avid traveller and camping enthusiast” than “Hi I blog about random things under the Sun”.

So yeah, it kind of confused me that people think I write well - when I frustrate over what to write about in the first place. It’s like how my teachers think my essays are mere fluff with no solid content. As someone in her early twenties, I can only admit that I have been through way, way less 'real’ experiences than those my age. And I used to shame myself for lacking in those - no hall life, no clubbing, no chilling at bars, no CCAs to keep me exhausted. I don’t read that much either. So yes, I considered myself an empty vessel who was constantly “hurting” from all the negativity.

But gradually, I came to reminisce of certain experiences which others may not have been through. Has the average Singaporean youth been up Singapore Quarry via a rocky mountain biking trail on foot? Got shocked by a pervert trying to take pictures of her legs? Travelled to Tuas to recce a stock count location? Wore matching shirts on her very first date with someone who later becomes her partner? Bought a ukulele in secret and had to hide it for 2 months before getting caught? Everyone has different experiences.

I feel like a tired old lady these days, but these are experiences that will keep me looking forward to more. So that when I truly become an old lady, there are stories that I would have in store to tell. Recounting these without trying to fear the negatives, without trying to glorify the positives. And maybe, that’s what I wish to embrace in my writing.

#jerringrambles

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taeken-my-heart · 6 years ago

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Independent {f} Chapter 13

Summary: Your mom calls you stubborn, your friends call you wild, and the boys you’ve left in your wake call you a frigid bitch. You’ve built a life of independence and you like it that way. Kim Taehyung, however; seems to be able to change your mind.

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: fluff, mild angst

Word Count: 19925

Notes/Warnings: This chapter has some angst, a few instances of self deprecation and the OC just being kind of mean to herself, but there is a light and growth at the end of that tunnel!

Oh my goooosh. Tumblr has made the process of getting the draft on here so dang challenging. Please forgive me if there’s any choppiness or the layout is weird, I’ll be tightening it up over the next few days.

**There is a read more linked but it doesn’t seem to be working and I don’t know what to do about it. I’m sorry! TT

****

December brought with it, dark skies, chapped lips, and an accelerated time line. The semester was quickly coming to a close and you wanted to run head long into the winter break and get this misery over with. It had been almost a full week since you’d seen Taehyung and each day had brought a new wave of misery.

For the first three days you’d woken to eyes crusted closed and a sore throat. Courtesy of all-night cry sessions. It didn’t help that Taehyung had decided to stop attending your Art History class and begin taking only office hours to help your classmates. There was a part of you that was happy you didn’t have to see him right now, since you were too busy licking your wounds; a bigger part of you that wished you could take back everything you said so you could see him again, and the biggest part of all that was more devastated with yourself.

Why couldn’t you just be normal? Everyone else could date someone without freaking out, but you, no you were a mess. All you ever did was alienate people. You were probably better off on your own. You couldn’t hurt anyone if they couldn’t get close to you. You had too much baggage, anyway, who would want to saddle themselves up with that?

The library was quiet; every seat taken by a student in the throes of final exams panic. There were only 17 days left until the end of the semester and then you could throw yourself headlong into a project that didn’t remind you of your current misery. You were thankful, at least, that you were nearly done. As soon as you finished this paper your project for Art History would be done and then you only had three written finals to take.

Anna sat across from you; hands fisted in her hair as she starred down at her book in despair. If you weren’t so out of it, you might have laughed. She looked the picture of stress; eyes bugged, brow pinched, a silent scream in the arch of her lips as she softly read back the words of the textbook that she couldn’t seem to commit to memory.

The library door opening caught your attention and you glanced over to find Jimin entering slowly, vision trained on the tangled earbuds in his hands. You don’t know why or what possessed you, but suddenly you were jumping to your feet, making your way through the tables and over to the door.

“Jimin.” You called softly. He glanced up at you, dark eyes lighting in recognition before he stopped, frowning. “Hi.” You said, stopping just in front of him and the corner of his lips lifted in a careful smile.

“Hi.” He said, glancing around the room. This was not the place to talk, too many people trying to work.

“Can we talk for a second?” You asked, motioning out the door to the empty hallway. He paused before nodding, pushing the door open behind him and allowing you to exit first.

As soon as the door closed you watched him, fiddling carefully with the strings of his earbuds, and twisted your fingers together apprehensively. “How have you been?” You asked carefully.

He shrugged, glancing up at you. “I’ve been ok. What about you?”

You glanced out the window into the dreary, cloud scattered sky. “Yeah, I, uh, I’ve been ok. Finals, you know?”

He nodded, studying you with pursed lips. “What’s up, Y/N? What do you really need?”

You frowned, staring down at your shoes, scuffed and still a little soggy from the snow. “I guess I was just wondering how Taehyung is.” You whispered.

Jimin sighed and your frowned deepened. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Y/N. He’s pretty crushed. He hasn’t really been himself recently.”

Your heart ached at the thought. Gorgeous, smiley, carefree Taehyung was hurting and it was all your fault. “I’m so sorry.” You whispered, tears beginning to burn your vision.

“I can appreciate the sentiment, Y/N, but I’m not the one you should be talking to. I can’t receive apologies in his honor.” He replied and you were at least grateful that his tone was gentle. He was trying hard to be kind but honest and that wasn’t easy to do.

“I wish I could talk to him.” You admitted, looking up at Jimin through wet eyelashes. He shook his head gently.

“I wouldn’t. It’s not the time right now. You really hurt him, Y/N. He’s an all or nothing kind of guy and when you rejected him, he took it really hard.”

“I didn’t mean to reject him.” You whispered, a tear escaping down your cheek and you brushed at it angrily. “I’m just scared.”

Jimin sighed, reaching out and patting your shoulder, “well, maybe talk to him when you’ve got things figured out. He’s not a test drive, though. You can’t just use him as practice and hope for the best, you know?”

You nodded, biting on your bottom lip to stifle a sob. “Will you please take care of him for me?” You whispered, looking up at him. “Help him be happy again.”

Jimin smiled, nodding. “Of course; he’s my best friend.” He glanced down at his watch, frowning, “I’m sorry, Y/N, but I’ve gotta meet with my study group, I’m already running a little late.”

“Of course.” You said, stepping off to the side. “Thank you, Jimin.”

After checking your reflection in the bathroom mirror, you returned to the table, waving away Anna’s questioning look and staring back at your laptop. You had one more page to write and then you could allow yourself to return to your bedroom and cry in peace. You wouldn’t do it here.

If your dad were here…well, he wouldn’t have any answers, he was bad at this sort of thing, but the thought of how he’d flounder trying to make you feel better made you smile. You missed him every day, but especially when you were sad because it reminded you that you were going through phases of life that he was missing.

If he were here, things would be different. Maybe you wouldn’t even be at this school. You’d chosen it mostly because it wasn’t too far from home if you needed to go back for any reason. You’d always been adventurous and independent, though, so you may have gone somewhere much further away…if life had turned out differently.

There was no use in dwelling on the what if’s, though. Life was what it was and you couldn’t change it; only your attitude towards it. Besides, right now you had finals to get through. Then…then you could focus on something new to distract you.

Paris couldn’t come fast enough.

****

The morning felt better already. The last 2 weeks had been horrible; for lack of a better word. When you weren’t pulling your hair out in the library you were stressing out about whether you’d see Taehyung in the hallways. You’d just finished your last final of the semester and felt…free. Now you only had to finish packing your suitcase and you could head home for a few days before flying out to Paris.

The house was empty when you got there, dropping your bag by the doorway and sighing. Someone had turned on the electric fire and you shuffled your way to sit in front of it, outstretching your hands to warm them.

You’d forgotten your gloves, which was dumb because it was the middle of December and stupidly cold. Glancing around the room, you sighed. You’d miss this house during the winter vacation. Even though you were coming back to the same house and same people for spring vacation, it was going to be different, you’d make new memories, meet new people, but there would be no Taehyung and you hated how dependent you felt on him now. This was why you didn’t fall for people; why you didn’t open your heart to someone. It hurt too much.

You looked out the window, heart stuttering when you noticed Taehyung walking sluggishly by. He was bundled warm and you could barely see his face under his hat and scarf, but you’d know him anywhere. He paused by the mailbox, sighing, a sad frown stretching across his full lips as he reached out his mittened fingers, patting the duck softly on the head.

It felt like your heart was bleeding in your chest. You wanted to run to him and throw your arms around him, tell him you were sorry and you didn’t know why you were this way…but even the thought of it made your stomach churn with discomfort. What could you even offer to him anyway? Love? Stability? No, it was better this way. No man wanted to be with a broken woman.

Taehyung walked slowly away from the mailbox, fingertips dropping from the beak of the duck and down by his side and you sat frozen where you were, watching him leave. It all felt so final. You couldn’t wait to get out of the country and just escape your own mind.

****

Later after dinner, when your bags were packed and you were sat in the front room, your roommates came to join you, a tray of hot chocolates in Anna’s hands. Setting it down on the table, she sat down beside you on the couch, grabbing a mug for each of you before settling further into the cushions.

“Can’t believe we’re all heading home tomorrow.” Sarah said, sighing into her mug. “This semester went by so fast.”

“Too fast!” Anna agreed. “I can’t believe you’re going to Paris in just a few days!”

You smiled softly, “It’s pretty crazy right?”

“I’m crazy jealous.” Charlotte admitted, “Paris has always been top of the travel bucket list for me.”

“Really?” Anna asked in surprise, “I never knew that about you.”

“Yeah, it’s home to the Eiffel tower, the Louvre, Notre Dame, the Arc de Triumphe. What’s not to love? Plus, it’s the fashion capitol of the world.”

“You have to buy so many clothes!” Sarah gushed, “I seriously can’t believe you get to go shopping in Paris!”

You smiled, chuckling, “I honestly probably won’t have a whole lot of time to go shopping between the internship and touristy stuff, but I’ll try to have one good shopping trip in your honor.”

“If you don’t come back in a beret and a peplum pea coat, I’ll be seriously appalled.”

“Pretty sure the French don’t actually go about their day in a beret.” Charlotte remarked dryly.

You giggled, smiling at your friends. “I’m gonna miss you guys.”

“You say that like you’re going to war. You’re going to Paris, honey, you won’t even notice we’re not there.” Anna grinned, flicking your forehead with her finger and you wrinkled your nose at her.

“I’ll definitely notice.”

“Well, anyway,” Sarah commented, pushing her hair over her shoulder, “You’re going to go, you’re going to have a fabulous time, and you’re going to come back a changed woman. I’m super jealous.”

****

After returning home and spending a few days with your family, they were bringing you to the airport for what was probably the biggest adventure of your life. You’d never been on such a big trip alone; in fact, you’d never even been on an airplane by yourself. The nerves were clawing at your chest at the thought, but there was a soft simmering of excitement bubbling just under that surface.

The airport was cramped and busy, people heading home for the holidays and you felt a little sad that you’d be missing the celebrations with your family, but the experience was going to be worth it; you were sure of it.

The evening was blanketed with a soft mist when you arrived. It was cold, but nothing a coat and scarf couldn’t combat. The woman in charge of your internship had met you at arrivals and you’d grabbed your bags, making your way out front.

“Our car is over here.” Marie smiled, holding her arm out and you followed after her, the driver taking your things and putting them in the trunk. After sliding into your seat and buckling in, you sighed, leaning your head back against the headrest. “The drive to your hotel is around an hour so that will give us time to talk and go over some details.”

“Great.” You smiled, sitting up straight and facing towards her. “What is your job with the Paris Fashion Week?”

“I’m the head of Une voix de femme, a fashion and photography company. There are a lot of interns that come all year round for various purposes in the different shows and fashion industry and we get a lot of applicants so we’re a bit picky.”

The idea that the boss herself had come to retrieve you was a little mind blowing and you felt extra nervous at the idea of it. Maybe she picked up every intern, but even so, you couldn’t help but feel special. “May I ask how exactly my work was brought to your attention?”

“Pure coincidence.” Marie said, flipping open a file. Inside were some of the stills you’d taken over the years, mostly from school activities that you’re sure your professor had sent to her and others from the Winter Recital. “We do a lot of searching on our own. Not everyone who is talented will apply, some need to be sought out. I saw the pictures you’d taken of your school recital and I knew right away you needed to be with us. You have too much talent that shouldn’t be wasted.”

“Thank you,” you smiled softly, face feeling warm. “I never would have applied; I would have never thought I’d be good enough for something like this.”

“Common symptom.” Marie nodded, thumbing through some of your pictures, “the worthy never actually know their true worth.” She looked over at you, winking before returning to the file in hand.

“So, what exactly will my responsibilities be while I’m here?”

“We’ll go over most of the details tomorrow when you come to the office. You’ll need to be flexible and move quickly because we’ll have you in a few different locations. I don’t have your exact schedule with me currently, but I know you will be photographing the Dior, Saint Laurent, Mugler, and Hermes lines. We’ll also have you working with some couture design shoots.”

“Wow, those are some big names.” You mused, stomach twisting at the idea.

“Don��t feel nervous, dear, we wouldn’t have flown you out if we didn’t like what you have to offer. You have an ability to capture small details; that is what we are looking for. The models move quickly and they stop for no one; you’ll need to catch the details of their clothing with precision. Because you’re an intern, we know you don’t have access to all the equipment that other photographers will have with them so of course you will have all of our equipment at your disposal.”

“Thank you, that’s very kind of you!” You said softly. Honestly, at this point you were feeling honored, of course, and also completely overwhelmed.

“Don’t worry about too many details tonight, though. Tomorrow I’ll have my assistant Danielle meet you in the lobby of your hotel and she’ll accompany you for the remainder of your internship with us. Any questions you have, Danielle will be able to answer them.”

“Thank you very much, I’m so appreciative of this opportunity. I intend to make sure you’re happy with your decision to recruit me.”

“I have no doubt you will.” She smiled over at you.

Once you’d reached your hotel, the jet lag was beginning to hit strong. You’d begun falling asleep the last 5 minutes of the ride and were so grateful to be up and standing. With the door closed behind you and your suitcase deposited at the end of your bed, you made your way to the large French doors, pushing open the curtains and stepping out onto the balcony.

“Wow.” You breathed, hands reaching out for the metal railing, cold from the bite of winter. You could not have asked for a better view than the one you were given. The Eiffel Tower, just off to the right of your window, lights bright in the dark of the evening. The streets below were still filled with people, a busy Christmas market just a moment’s walk from the entrance of your hotel. You felt completely spoiled.

Of course, you wished you could have shared the experience with someone, but instead you’d focus every moment of your time enjoying this great new experience.

****

The next morning you were awoken by your alarm at 7:00 am. Your eyes were bleary and stung as you opened them, body warm beneath the fluffy white down comforter. You were expected down and waiting for the car at 8 am sharp and you still had to shower, get ready, and eat.

You moved sluggishly from the warmth of the bed, grabbing your shower supplies and trudging into the bathroom. After showering and getting ready, you made your way downstairs to have some breakfast. Ecstatic to find an assortment of French breads, jams, and a buffet of food you already felt yourself drooling over, you grabbed a plate, making your way through the line and allowing the greed of your eyes and growling stomach to take charge.

After stuffing your face with more food than was probably considered proper, you made your way out to the front of the hotel, checking your bag again to make sure you had everything you needed.

“Y/N!” Someone called and you turned to look around you, a young woman with short, dark corkscrew curls and beautiful dark brown eyes smiled, waving over at you and you smiled back, making your way towards her. “Hi there, I’m Danielle.” She greeted, reaching her hand out towards you for a handshake.

“It’s so nice to meet you.” You returned, shaking her hand and following the motion of her hand into the back of the car. “I’m so surprised, I really thought I was going to end up being with someone who was much older than me. It’s nice to see someone similar in age.”

“It’s nice to have someone to relate to,” Danielle grinned, leaning back in her seat as the car started driving, “plus, after we get the details sorted this morning, we get to go out exploring. Work officially starts tomorrow.”

“Are you serious?” You grinned and she winked.

“Course, girl. I hope you brought your money with you because we’re going on a shopping spree.”

“I’m gonna go broke by the end of this internship, for sure.”

“No way, this internship pays and it pays well. Anything you want to buy while you’re here?” She chuckled and you chewed on your bottom lip in thought.

“Well, my friends definitely told me if I don’t come back with a beret and a peplum pea coat that they’d skin me alive, so…”

“Put it on the list!” She laughed loudly, “No skinning alive. So, tell me about yourself, Y/N.”

“Well, I guess it depends on what you want to know. I’m currently in school studying Visual Arts with a minor in photography and I live in a small, run down, but cozy home with 3 of my best friends. When I’m not at school I’m at home with my mom, brother, step dad and our dog Goose.”

“And now you’ll get to say you interned with Paris Fashion Week.” Danielle teased and you grinned.

“I know, I can hardly even believe I’m in France. What about you? Tell me about yourself, Danielle.”

“Well, I’m originally from Pennsylvania, but my dad is actually from France. When I was getting ready to go into high school my dad got a job back here in Paris so we all moved here and have been living here ever since. I have two sisters, one older, one younger, and I’ve been working with Marie for the last three years.”

“Wow, so did you start working with Marie right after graduation or something?” You asked, eyes wide.

Danielle chuckled. “Something like that, yeah. I actually did my internship with Marie as well and then just ended up getting hired on and have been with them ever since. It’s been a pretty crazy amazing ride.”

“I believe it!” You breathed, “That’s really wild. I’m not sure what to do when I graduate, but I still have a couple years to figure it out.”

“Do you have any ideas or anything you want to do?” Danielle asked, twisting a curl around her finger and letting it spring back into place.

“Not a lot,” you admitted bashfully, “I’ve kind of thought about maybe starting my own company or something, but to be honest I really just like being able to take pictures of whatever I want and not being commissioned to do something, you know?”

“Oh yeah, I totally get it.” Danielle nodded, “a true artist’s spirit. You want your cake and to eat it too.” She grinned over at you and you shrugged, smiling.

“Guilty.”

“Something I’ll recommend is to get your feet wet first. Sometimes you’ve gotta do other people’s dirty work first before you can really get into your own stuff. Build enough of a name that being able to photograph your own stuff will one day work in your favor.”

“Yeah, I get that.” You nodded, watching as the car came to a slow stop out front of a large glass building that looked rather out of place among the ancient and beautiful cream-colored limestone of the other buildings.

“We’re here!” Danielle chirped, sliding from the car as the door was opened for her and you followed closely after, pulling your bag high on your shoulder and glancing around. The streets were busy with business people and tourists alike and you followed after Danielle as she led you into the building.

“We’re up on the 32nd floor,” Danielle said as the two of you stepped into the glass elevator and you gripped the railing, staring out into the streets in awe.

“Wow, you guys really know how to live, huh?” You murmured, watching the city sink below you.

Danielle laughed, leaning against the railing with you. “Pretty nice, right?”

You nodded mutely. “I just feel so lucky.” You finally admitted, “there are so many people who would want this opportunity and I got it without even trying.”

“Don’t feel guilty about it.” Danielle scolded and you turned to smile at her. “you deserve this internship. Marie loves finding people who are unassuming about their talent because they’re always the best. Just because you didn’t apply doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it.”

“Thank you, Danielle,” you grinned, “you’re giving me a pretty decent boost in self-esteem.”

“It’s my job.” She winked, nudging you with her elbow. The chime of the elevator reaching your floor brought your attention back to the door and you stood, facing forward. “Besides, I wouldn’t say any of it if it weren’t true. You’ve definitely earned it.”

The office was busy with movement, desks occupying the first half of the room and filled with people having conversation. The back was divided by rooms separated with glass. Two rooms currently occupied with photoshoots, a couple offices, and a conference room. It was noisy, but in a good way.

“This is where we get the technical parts of our jobs done. Paperwork, photoshop, that sort of thing. Certain magazine shoots are done in the back, as you can see. This is the behind the scenes dirty work that has to be done. The real fun stuff will be when fashion week starts tomorrow. Ok, follow me, your desk is over here.”

You followed after her to the right-hand side and she patted a desk with only a laptop to boast about. “This is your desk, right next to mine. It’s pretty bare right now, but the good thing is you can decorate it in any way you see fit.”

“This is so cool.” You grinned, “I get my own desk!”

Danielle chuckled, sitting down at her desk. “Ah, I remember that feeling, like a real grown up, right?”

“Yeah,” you admitted, sitting in your seat. “Feels like I’m suddenly an adult with all sorts of responsibilities. It’s so cool.”

Danielle grinned, shaking her head. “Well, Marie’s gonna want to have a meeting with us in a few minutes but she told me she had a conference call first so let’s chill and talk before then.”

You nodded, leaning eagerly forward. “That sounds great.”

“So, you’re still in university, right?” At your nod, she continued, “any boys?” She teased with a wiggle of her brows.

You sigh, shrugging, “Mmm…no, not right now, I guess.”

“That sounded very mysterious.” She replied, eyebrow raised and you moved your elbow from the arm rest of your chair as someone bustled by shouting something in French.

“Just…” you huffed, blowing air up across your cheeks, “there was a guy a few weeks ago, but I blew it.”

“Oh?” You asked, waiting patiently for you to continue.

You shrugged again, “he wanted a bigger commitment than I was ready to give him so I kind of pushed him away and we both ended up getting hurt. It sucks pretty bad.” Danielle watched as you tried not to sulk too hard and sighed.

“It can be really hard when something doesn’t work out the way we’d hoped it would.” She said, staring over at the elevator as a group made their way out and over to the studio. “I was in a situation back in college that was…well, it was pretty challenging. Life changing; in a good and bad way. I had to make a decision that I’ve often wondered was right, but I think what I’ve decided since then is that if things are meant to be, then they will be. Of course, that’s not to discount effort,” she said, eyeing your reaction, “but if you’ve put in the effort, done all you can to make it work, and it doesn’t then it wasn’t meant to.”

“Before I left for the semester I ran into this guy’s roommate,” you said, “and he told me I should probably give him time to recover so I wanted to do that, but I worry that I’ve just completely ruined my chances with him. I haven’t done everything I could to try and make it better because I didn’t want to push him, but I think I want to try again when I get back in the spring semester.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Danielle said, twisting back and forth in her chair, “give the both of you the time to cool off and think about what you really want.”

“You said you made a really hard decision in college,” you said, watching her expression carefully, “what made you feel like that decision was the right one?”

Danielle paused, fingers drumming against the armrests of her chair, lips pressed together in thought. “Because I knew was doing the right thing for someone else. In the end, the decision I made wasn’t about me, but about her. I had to do it for her.”

“Your friend?” You asked and Danielle smiled softly.

“No. My daughter.”

“Oh,” you said, sitting straighter in surprise, “I didn’t know you had a daughter.”

“I don’t. Not anymore, anyway. At the time that I had her, the father and I were no longer together. He was from Belgium and had moved home; he didn’t really have any interest in being a parent. I was only 20 and I knew I couldn’t give her the life that she deserved, so I gave her to a family that could provide the life I couldn’t.”

Never had you met someone who’d made a decision like that before. You couldn’t even imagine having a child only to give them away. It would take a lot of love and self-sacrifice to do that sort of thing; you weren’t even sure you were that strong of a person.

“Wow,” you said, blinking down at your hands, now clasped in your lap. “How long ago was that?”

“She’ll be turning 6 this summer.” Danielle smiled. “I receive pictures of her sometimes, here, this was from just a few days ago, actually. They’ve gone on holiday in the Maldives for Christmas.” She handed you a handful of pictures from her desk drawer and you looked down at the family, a little boy and girl with their parents.

“She has your eyes and hair.” You smiled and Danielle chuckled.

“And her dad’s ears. Poor thing.” You looked up at Danielle as she pushed her ears slightly out and giggled.

“She’s beautiful. What’s her name?”

“Her parents named her Emile.” Danielle smiled and you handed the picture back to her.

“Did you ever have a name for her?” You asked gently and she nodded, staring down at the pictures.

“In my heart, she has always been Felicity.”

“That’s a beautiful name.” You said, watching as Danielle slipped the pictures back into her desk.

“Thank you.” She said. The phone on Danielle’s desk rang and she picked it up quickly, talking softly to someone in French before hanging up. “Marie is ready for us. Let’s meet her in the conference room.”

You followed after her, weaving your way through rows of desks to the back and into the conference room where Marie sat with stacks of books and papers that you presumed were for you.

“Good morning, Y/N.” She greeted you, standing to extend a handshake which you returned.

“Good morning.” You smiled.

“Today I will show you around the office, give you the details of what this week will be like and what we expect of you. I’ll show you the equipment that you can use and take with you. Of course, Danielle will be with you the entire length of your internship so if you do have questions, you can ask her too.”

She pulled paperwork from the folders in front of her, explaining in detail what they were about and giving them to you to read and sign. After the preliminary work, she went over your schedule with you in more detail, giving you a step by step program of what you’d be doing each day.

After about an hour in the conference room going over paperwork and details, she took you into a storage room, showing you types of equipment you could use for the week. You felt like you’d died and gone to heaven. Anything you could have ever dreamed of needing or even wanting for your photography was placed carefully around the room and against walls, beckoning you to take a look.

“You will have access to any and all of our equipment; whatever you feel will make the shots better.” Marie said, watching you stare wide eyed around the room. “Feel free to look around.”

You moved towards the left side of the wall, examining one of the cameras they had there, picking it up and flipping through the settings. “I think I’ve died and gone to heaven.” You mumbled and Marie and Danielle laughed from behind you.

“We’re happy to appease you.” Marie smiled. “Danielle, once she’s chosen the equipment she’s going to be using for tomorrow, the two of you are free to explore Paris. I’ll leave the schedule and everything you need on your desk and forward you the rest on your phone.”

“Yes ma’am.” Danielle nodded as Marie left the room with a squeeze to her shoulder. “Don’t worry about not being able to use all the equipment at once,” she said, smiling over at you, “you can trade things out each day based on what you’re feeling.”

You smiled at her sheepishly, holding the camera in your hands close to your chest. “Ah, I must be so easy to read.”

Danielle grinned. “Feel free to grab what you need for tomorrow. We’ll pack it up and have it ready for you when you get here.”

After exploring the room and picking the equipment you’d need for the next day, Danielle had some of the other staff come and help to pack it safely for you. The two of you grabbed your bags and ventured back out onto the street where the car was waiting.

Sliding in and fastening your seatbelt, you and Danielle chatted and laughed as you made your way further into the heart of Paris. The sun was deceptively beautiful as you stepped from the car; high in the sky and tricking you into the belief that somehow it was suddenly warm.

Shivering, you fastened your arms around your waist as Danielle joined you at your side, motioning with her head to follow her. “This is my favorite place to shop. It’s called Avenue des Champs Elysees and it’s probably the most famous shopping district in Paris. It’s got a great mix of things to do here, including luxury brands and affordable.”

“I like the sound of affordable.” You grinned.

After spending a good portion of the morning and afternoon shopping (and finding the cutest ebony peplum coat and even a gorgeous red beret) the two of you made your way to lunch in a nearby café. The exterior was a beautiful crimson with two six pane windows on either side of the door and garland wrapping across the edged of the roof and down the columns in front. The inside was cozy and warm with soft colors and a beautifully decorated fir tree in the corner.

“It’s so beautiful in here!” You smile, gaze shifting around the room and Danielle grinned.

“It’s my favorite café,” she admitted, “I always get the same so I’ll wait until you’re ready to order and then we can go grab a seat.”

After placing your order and finding a nice cozy table in the back, you dropped your bags below the table and slipped out of your coat, fingers wrung together to try and encourage warmth. “We start work officially tomorrow, right?” You asked and Danielle nodded, flipping through her wallet before placing it on the table in front of her.

“Yes, tomorrow is the first official day.”

“And you’ll be with me the whole time, right?” You asked, nerves heightened now that you had a moment to think about it.

“Yeah” she smiled, placing her hand over yours and squeezing, “don’t worry. I’ll be with you the whole time. I’ll guide you and make sure you know where you’re going and what you’re doing. We’ll even go to the venues early so that we can get settled into our spots and so that you can have a look around and get a feel for the location.”

“That would be great.” You breathed, the tightness in your chest lessening. “Sorry, just a little nervous.”

“Totally normal,” Danielle nodded, leaning towards you across the table, “I’d think you were a little weird if you weren’t nervous. This is a big thing, I get it. New place, new people, new experience. It’s understandable why you’d be nervous. Don’t worry, I’ve got your back.”

“Thank you, Danielle.” You grinned. “So, what should I expect for tomorrow?”

“Well, tomorrow is going to honestly be a little overwhelming and kind of busy. You and I will both be in the pit together taking pictures, but Marie has got two spaces sectioned off for us so we don’t have to worry about that too much.”

“The pit?” You asked. “Like an orchestra?”

Danielle smiled, leaning back as the server brought your drinks to you and you wrapped your chilled fingers around the warm ceramic of your hot chocolate mug. “Not quite. It’s an area at the very end of the stage reserved for the photographers. We’re probably going to be standing on boxes and it’s a little cramped with everyone shoved together, but it’s part of the thrill.”

“And we’ve got reserved spots?” You asked, sipping at your drink.

“Yeah, but it’s a bit cut throat in the pit at times so we’ll be having some markers going over a number of hours before us to make sure that no one tries taking our spots.”

“What’s a marker?” You asked, eyebrow rising.

“A marker is just someone that goes and marks your spot. We’ve already got ours marked, but like I said, it can be a bit intense so we’ll have people reserving our spots by sitting in them until we get there.”

“Wow,” you sighed, “there’s a big learning curve.” You had no idea the fashion industry was so do or die, but you were actually kind of looking forward to sinking your teeth into it.

“There is,” Danielle nodded, “but don’t worry, I’ll make sure to guide you through it and answer all your questions. Also, I think that’s our food.”

You turn around to watch the waitress carry your food over, setting it in front of you before thanking her and digging in.

The rest of the afternoon was spent meandering through the shops in different alleyways, picking up small knickknacks or clothes that you liked before heading back to the hotel to drop your stuff off. You’d asked Danielle about the market outside your hotel and she’d enthusiastically agreed to take you.

“This Christmas market comes every year and lasts a week into January. They’ve got cute things for your home, souvenirs, and a lot of really yummy food. Have you ever tried chestnuts?” She asked, turning to look at you as you refastened the buttons on your coat and twisted a scarf around your neck.

“Chestnuts? As in the things squirrels eat?” You asked, following her back out into the square in front of your hotel and turning off to the side where you could see the Christmas market waiting.

Danielle laughed. “Yes, squirrels eat them, but so do humans. Do you smell that sweet, rich smell?” She asked as you walked slowly towards your destination. The wind picked up slightly and you shivered from the cold, but you could smell it. You nodded and she continued.

“That’s a chestnut. We roast them in the winter and then eat them. They can be a little interesting to open, but they’re a fun experience to have and I personally love them. They taste a bit like a sweet potato.”

“A nut tastes like a sweet potato?” You asked, staring around in amazement as you stepped into the market and the vibrancy of the colors instantly grabbed your attention. It was surprisingly warmer and you supposed that was due to the steam coming from the different food stalls nearby.

Everything you could have ever dreamed of was in this market. Small wooden stalls reminiscent of the swiss style chalet’s held chestnuts, crepes, mulled wine, gloves and scarves, games, Christmas decorations and so much more. The market wound further down the street and around corners that you could not see. Your greedy eyes devoured as much as they could as Danielle talked more about chestnuts and the different things that she wanted you to try. There were children nearby with a man selling balloons outside of a cotton candy stall and your mouth watered at the smell. Directly next to you was a stall with waffles and around 30 different toppings. Different artisan booths selling things you knew you didn’t need but definitely wanted.

In the center of it all, and right beside a glowing carousal, there was a small band of performers, violins and guitars playing Jingle Bells with children weaving in between their parents in the square, playing a game of tag and screaming in delight.

“This is so amazing!” You grinned, turning to find Danielle watching you and she smiled, bumping your shoulder with hers.

“Let’s get some food.” After grabbing a small paper bag of chestnuts, two different kinds of crepes and a couple mulled wines between the two of you, you found a table to sit at and put your stuff down.

“First, I want you to try the chestnuts.” Danielle grinned, shaking the bag in front of you in excitement. “Don’t worry if you don’t like it, I’ll be happy to eat them all, trust me, but you should at least try it. It’s part of the Christmas market experience!”

“Ok, ok.” You chuckled, pulling a chestnut from the bag. It was still hot and you hissed, bouncing it between your fingers as you began to peel away the layers. “How long until I get to the actual nut?” You exasperated, once you’d made it down to a fuzzy skin under the shell.

Danielle laughed, sipping at her wine, “there’s only two layers. Under that fuzzy stuff is the actual nut.”

Discarding the two outer shells, you finally held the nut between two fingers. “Wow, the texture is so different than what I thought it would be.” You marveled. It was firm, but had a spongey consistency, almost like an uncooked mushroom.

“Try it.” Danielle encouraged, popping her own chestnut into her mouth and chewing.

She was right, it did sort of taste like a sweet potato, sweet and a little earthy. The taste was a little bland, but it was warm and with a little salt would have made a good snack. “It’s OK,” you smiled, “not really my thing but I can see why people like them.”

Danielle nodded, pulling another from the bag and beginning to peel. “Yeah, it’s not everyone’s thing. Here, we’ve got these too.” She said, pushing your crepe towards you and you smiled, grabbing the fork from the plate and cutting off a piece.

“Now this is what I was really looking forward to.”

With bites of warm food and sips of mulled wine to heat your insides, you spent the rest of the night talking and laughing until you returned to your bed, warm from alcohol and conversation, ready to take on the exciting new day in less than 9 hours.

****

You’d never felt more like a chicken without its head than you did right now. The office had been hectic, people running around, grabbing the things they needed and looking like they were in some sort of well controlled panic as they fled the building to their different shoots.

On the car ride to the venue, Danielle told you that the two of you would be covering two shoots today, both Hermes and Dior. Just hearing the names made you a little dizzy so you mostly listened instead of talking. You were glad that Danielle was going to be there with you, taking pictures herself. There was a little less pressure to not mess things up since they would still have her professional pictures to fall back on if they needed them.

The Hermes shoot was teeming with life. The walls and ceilings were made to look like you were in an outdoor tent and you tried to look around and admire as much as you could while still keeping your place behind Danielle and winding towards where the other photographers were setting up. None of the seats were occupied yet, since you’d arrived an hour before the show was due to start. Danielle said this was typical because you needed to be in your places with things set up and ready to go before the crowds started filing in. There would be no time once people started showing up.

Thankfully you’d had time this morning in the office to fiddle around with the camera you were using today, checking settings and getting comfortable with its abilities. That was something that had made you nervous in the beginning; that you wouldn’t have enough time to adjust to the equipment. Each camera was different and you were afraid you’d get stuck trying to make something work when you were supposed to be taking pictures.

Danielle had helped you find a camera with an f/2.8 aperture and pretty decent zoom range. “The models will be moving fast; you’ll need to adjust quickly. Make sure you’re getting well acquainted with that camera because once the show starts, you won’t be able to fiddle around with it without missing important moments.”

The two of you came to a stop beside the photographers, Danielle greeting a man and a woman sitting on two stools in the center towards the front and after a short conversation, they left and Danielle directed you to take a seat on one of the stools. “So, this is the pit.” Danielle grinned, adjusting her camera bag on her lap and digging through for what she needed.

You sat down beside her, looking around and nodding in greeting to a few of the photographers whose eyes you caught. “Wow, and we’re all just gonna be shoved in like sardines, huh?” You asked, turning your gaze back to Danielle who smiled.

“Welcome to fashion show life.” She leaned forward to whisper, “all of these people can either help you, or hinder you. Always make sure you are kind and friendly, establish relationships…but always be weary. Everyone is looking for their next big break, even if it comes at a cost, you know?”

You nod, leaning back on your stool and digging through your bag to grab your camera. You were pretty comfortable with it because the settings were similar to your camera back home, just way better quality. Now you just needed to make sure it was on the right settings to capture the images you wanted. You quickly switched your camera to manual, 1/250 at f/4 and took some practice shots of the people still putting the final touches on the stage. The pictures were so crisp and clear you had to stop yourself from doing a little happy wiggle in your seat. It was going to be hard to go back to your own camera after using such an amazing piece of equipment.

You chatted briefly with some of the photographers around you, mostly men, a couple from New York, 3 from London, but almost everyone else around you seemed to be from France. It was intimidating to look around and see only 1 other woman aside from Danielle and yourself, but that wasn’t going to stop you from kicking their photography butts. You weren’t competitive most of the time, but if you felt like somehow you were going to have to fight for something, you definitely would.

Slowly the room began to fill and you could barely contain your amazement. Some of the biggest names in Hollywood were sitting mere steps away from you, but there was no way you were going to show the other photographers how much of an amateur you were, so when Charlize Theron sat only 10 feet from you, you focused your eyes on the walkway in front of you and swallowed down your squeal of delight.

When the show started you felt like your stomach had jumped into your throat. You followed Danielle’s cue, pulling your camera up to rest against your eye and taking a deep breath in. This was it. This was the moment you’d been waiting for. The music started and models began walking down the runway, cameras flashing all around you and you let determination settle into your chest before quickly focusing in and snapping pictures.

Adrenaline kicked in, pouring through your veins as you watched the models move from the lens of your camera, taking as many pictures as you possibly could while they were in front of you. All noise funneled into a pinprick of sound until it was gone and you were alone with just your camera and the show in front of you. You never thought you’d actually enjoy the thrill of a high scale fashion show, but here you were, pulse erratic and stomach bubbling with excitement.

When the show was finally over and the other photographers were packing away their equipment, rushing on to the next show, you felt like you could finally breath again. “How was it?” Danielle asked, carefully placing her camera in its bag and gazing at you from the corner of her eye.

“Wow.” You said, and she laughed. “That’s the best word to describe it. There was a lot going on and it was a real challenge to stay focused at first. Especially when there were so many celebrities around. Did you see Charlize Theron sat right there?!”

Danielle giggled, nodding, “I did see. These shows get quite crazy. You’re really in for a treat when we go to the Dior show, they always, always put on a massive production. They’re doing their show at the Louvre this season and it’s inside this dome of flowers. It’s incredible.”

You frowned, eyebrows pinching in the center. “Inside a dome of flowers? Did they construct that inside the building?”

“You’ll see.” She grinned. “For now, though, we’ve got an hour and a half before we need to be there so let’s grab some lunch quickly. There’s some food trucks nearby.” You followed after her, bag slung across your shoulder with all your equipment safely inside and made your way outside into the crisp afternoon air.

“I didn’t realize how stuffy it was in there until we got outside.” You said, taking a deep breath in.

“Yeah, the pit always gets a bit stagnant, so many bodies, so little air. Ah, there they are.” She said, pointing off to the left and you followed after her, sitting down at an open table outside of one of the trucks.

After Danielle ordered, you switched places, leaving her to watch over the equipment and ordering your own food and drink. A full stomach later and a quick drive to the next venue, you found your spots, relieving the markers of their duty and setting up camp on your stools.

Danielle had been right. A giant dome of flowers had been built, within the Cour Carrée, the courtyard at the east end of the Louvre. Purple delphinium stems sprouting from every corner of the rolling garden turf. You felt like you’d entered some fantasy land as you stepped through the guarded doors and made your way towards the pit with Danielle.

“This is so cool!” You whispered and Danielle smirked.

“I told you, Dior always means business.”

This show was unlike anything you’d ever seen, making the hairs at the back of your neck stand to attention. This venues photographers were far more cut throat than the last and you definitely had to physically avoid some sabotage shots, but you were proud to say you held your own and at the end of it you even managed to get a picture with Rihanna and Elizabeth Olsen. That one was just for you, though.

“Ok,” Danielle said, after she’d finishing packing her bag and you’d put your own equipment away. “Let’s head back to the office and get some editing done. We’ll be working one on one with Marie to go over your work and see what kind of guidance we can give you for the next few shows.”

“Sounds great.” You smiled, slinging your bag over your shoulder and following her out to the car.

It was still afternoon, though slightly late afternoon by the time you made it back to the office. Setting your equipment gently down on your table, you unloaded your camera and sat down at your company provided laptop to turn it on and get the pictures uploaded.

It was going to take some time to get everything on the computer and then even more time to get things edited to the proper standard. You also had a meeting at some point with both Marie and Danielle to go over the pictures and find a better direction for the next few photoshoots. From what you understood, tomorrow you’d be doing the Marc Jacobs and Hussein Chalayan shows. You were going to have so much editing to do. You already had a headache.

“We’re going to meet with Marie in about an hour so go ahead and get some editing done. That way you can show her your raw images as well as the edits and she can give you some critiques.”

You nodded, pursing your lips and turning back to the computer as the main screen pulled up. “Sounds like a plan.”

Loading the pictures took longer than you’d initially wanted, but you had taken a lot of pictures so you couldn’t really be upset. The computer was doing things as quickly as possible. As soon as you were able, you began clicking through pictures, finding the ones you liked the most and beginning the editing process. You’d only been able to edit 2 pictures by the time Danielle was motioning you towards the conference room so you quickly saved your work, before closing your laptop and bringing it with you.

The conference room was significantly cooler than the rest of the office and you sighed in relief. You were beginning to get a little too warm at your desk and editing when hot was never a good combination. You sat down, waiting for Marie to join you, watching her through the all glass windows as she finished a phone call, grabbing her things and pushing out of her office, making a quick left to the conference room.

“How was it?” She smiled, her long dark cardigan billowing behind her. She pushed a wave of grey hair from her forehead and back towards her bun and you smiled excitedly.

“It exceeded expectations!” You gushed, watching as she sat down across from you, “really, it was so exciting seeing all those incredible models through the lens of my camera. Totally different from what I’m used to shooting.”

“I’m looking forward to seeing some of your pictures, then.” She smiled, hands held out in request of your laptop and you quickly opened it, logging back in.

“I’ve only been able to edit 2 pictures so far, loading them was more time consuming than I thought it would be.”

“That is ok, you have plenty of time today to edit. This is why we did not want to overwhelm you with photoshoots. You will need time to edit them before the conclusion of your internship.” She replied, scanning through your pictures carefully. You watched with apprehension as Marie scanned your pictures with what you hoped was interest, it looked like interest, at least.

Finally, she nods, turning to smile at you. “These are excellent. I’m very impressed with your style. Don’t be afraid to try a few more angles. It’s a little difficult to do in such a small space, but I think you can do it. I’d also like to see a few more pictures of the venue and the guests attending. Your attention to detail on the clothes is really astounding. Sometimes even professional pictures can be blurry with the models walking so quickly, but your pictures are so clear.”

After going back and forth about more you could do to increase the effectiveness of your work, your computer was returned to you and you excitedly continued your editing. The three of you remained in the office until dinner time when you finally wished each other farewell and the car dropped you back off at your hotel. Danielle had to have dinner with her family, so for tonight, you would relax, take a bubble bath, order room service and attempt to find a movie you could understand.

****

The Marc Jacobs show was filled with a lot of neutrals, which wasn’t a bad thing, but it made for less interesting pictures. There was a quartet of string instruments playing in the corner; a song that was a little too sharp, but perfectly representative of the mood of the clothing.

You made sure to get as many different angles as you could, keeping in mind Marie’s and Danielle’s different advice for your pictures. After the show, Danielle pointed out the French celebrities you should definitely get pictures of, and you made sure to get a good selection of pictures of anything else you felt might be relevant.

The next show was Hussein Chalayan, which you were particularly interested in because you’d never actually heard of him. From what Danielle had told you, he did some pretty quirky things with his outfits so you were looking forward to seeing what he had in store.

The atmosphere of the show was deep and moody. The clothes varied between muted tones and reds with a rather boxy style, but they made for excellent pictures. The audience was extremely receptive and it made the environment even more exciting. You could hear the shutter of Danielle’s camera in time with the click of your fingers on your own. You hadn’t gotten the chance to see any of her pictures, but now you were curious.

After the show ended and you were packed and ready to go, the two of you went to a nearby restaurant to sit and go over your pictures. “I am so curious about your style,” You said, just after your drinks were delivered.

“My style?” Danielle asked, eyes wide as she looked at you.

“Yes,” you chuckled, “your photography style. You were hired on after your internship, I could probably learn a thing or two from you.”

She smiled bashfully, spooning some sugar into her coffee and shaking her head, curls brushing against her cheeks. “I don’t know, you’re already pretty good. Marie has been really impressed with you.”

“Come on, come on, don’t feel shy. Let me see one picture, just one!” You bargained and Danielle laughed, opening her camera bag and pulling her camera out.

“OK, but only one.”

You nodded, reaching for the camera and pulling it towards you, staring down at the picture sitting on the screen. It was a picture of the last model, perched at the end of the runway, staring down into the lens of the camera as though Danielle were the exact person she was looking at. The angle was beautiful, the sheer of her dress captured beautifully in the lighting. Everything in the background faded making for a beautiful forefront.

“This is beautiful, Danielle. Wow, now I feel like the amateur I am!” You pouted and Danielle laughed, swatting your arm.

“Oh stop.” She said, taking the camera from you, powering it off and placing it back in its casing. “Your pictures are beautiful, Y/N. You capture details I couldn’t even dream of.”

“Well that’s just a bald-faced lie.” You grinned, rolling your eyes good naturedly at her. “So, you said this was our last fashion shoot, right?”

“No, we have two more fashion shows tomorrow and then the rest of the week will be editing. Then next week you’ll have two couture design shoots to do in office.”

“Oh, who are we going to photograph tomorrow? I don’t remember.”

Danielle glanced down at her phone where Marie had sent the schedule, “Tomorrow we’ve got Thierry Mugler and Saint Laurent.”

“Oh that’s right. I’ve heard of Thierry Mugler. I thought he just did perfume, though?”

“Nope,” Danielle chirped, putting her phone back in the pocket of her dress pants. “He’s mainly a fashion designer. I generally enjoy his shows. They are clear cut and to the point.”

“That sounds like my type of show!” You giggled.

After lunch, the two of you made your way back to the office, burying yourselves in editing until you could barely see straight. But so far, you’d accomplished a lot and were already ¾ of the way through editing the first two shows. Tomorrow you’d finish those two and then move onto the two new ones. It was exciting and overwhelming and you were really starting to feel a sense of power in your work.

Everyone around you was a powerhouse; Marie and Danielle the most inspiring of them all. You’d met some of your other coworkers and while most spoke only French, the few you were able to talk to had taught you a lot.

Aluin, who sat beside you on your right had given you some invaluable pointers on how to take better photographs and he showed you some of his own work from back when he was in college. The work ethic and self confidence that he’d built over the years was inspiring. He was so self-assured about anything he tried.

Even if he didn’t meet his goal or it ended in a way that was less than what he’d wanted, he just used that as an opportunity for growth and to push for better and you admired that attitude so much. You’d spent so much time feeling sorry for yourself; you didn’t want to do that anymore. You were going to be better than ever before.

****

There was something about the wave of adrenaline that you would get just as the show was starting that was addicting, and your final fashion show was the cherry on top of your fantastic cake. Saint Laurent was not only right at the top of all the fashions you’d liked from the experience, but the show itself was so thrilling.

A dimly lit room with floor to ceiling mirrors and lights flashing in and out like rolling ocean waves along the ceiling of the venue. If you hadn’t been taking pictures, you would have been dancing with the blood boiling in your veins. You weren’t sure you would ever choose fashion photography as your future career, but you could certainly see why someone would.

The pictures turned out amazing, the venue was the perfect environment for a dark and sexy vibe and you were so excited, scanning through your pictures of both the Thierry Mugler and Saint Laurent shows that your hips couldn’t help wiggling away in the back seat.

Danielle chuckled at your enthusiasm and you smiled at her, tilting your camera in her direction. “Look at these pictures!” You enthused, “I’m not one for tooting my own horn or anything, but these are freaking amazing.”

Danielle leaned closer, scanning the pictures as you flipped through them, nodding in appreciation. “It’s amazing, you’ve only been here, what, four days? You’ve already improved so much; I can seriously tell.”

“Thank you so much!” You grinned, embarrassed but pleased by her compliments. “I’m honestly feeling pretty good about myself.”

“As you should. You’ve got a lot going for you.”

The office was only half full when you got to back; most of the photographers and markers out on location. A few photographers were still in the building either editing or doing a couture shoot in the back and there were a few other staff members whose jobs you actually weren’t really sure of.

You spent the next few hours really focusing on work, getting as much edited as possible. Your first two shoots were now safely edited and sent off for review and you were already around 1/3 or the way through the second two. The office slowly filled the more people came back from their respective photoshoots and conversation picked up, loud with excitement from the week. It was close to dinner time when you finally shut your laptop off for the day, stretching your arms over your head with a groan.

“Hungry?” Danielle asked, standing behind her chair and pushing her arms through the sleeves of her coat.

“Definitely.” You smiled, standing up. You pulled on your slouchy knit hat, and wrapped your scarf around your neck before grabbing your own coat. Just as you were slipping your arms through the sleeves, Marie came and stopped by your desk, bundled chic and warm.

“Will the two of you accompany me to dinner? My treat.” She asked, purse hanging high on her perfectly rounded shoulders.

“Well, with an offer like that, how can we refuse?” Danielle said and you grinned.

The restaurant of Marie’s choosing was far fancier than your blood could afford and you immediately felt like you should be refusing such generosity, but at her insistence, the three of you sat down at a table close to the center and began to look through the menu.

After ordering and seeing the waiter off, you turned back to Marie whose glossy red lips were pulled into a smile. “How has it been, Y/N, going to photograph all those shows?”

“Absolutely incredible!” You beamed. “I could never have imagined such an amazing opportunity for myself, I’m honestly so grateful. I have already learned so much.”

“Which show was your favorite?” She asked, taking a sip of the red wine the waiter had poured for her shortly after you’d sat down.

“Honestly, it was Saint Laurent from today. His pieces were elegant and not too flashy and the show itself just felt really exciting.” You admitted

“I remember when I first started going to fashion shows,” Marie commented, twirling her glass in her hand, “I was really young, just recently graduated from university. I met a man there in the audience; a very promising fashion designer. His name was Pierre Dubois and he was really something special. I greatly admired his work and he is actually what gave me the idea for this company. I wanted so badly to photograph his art and publish it, but I did not have the skill of photography so instead I just spent my time with him; admiring him.”

She smiled at the memory; eyes wistful as she looked down into the swirling red of her glass. “We married in the spring when I was 25. Young and in love and a little bit foolish. Pierre was trying to start his own fashion company because his designs were beginning to find recognition and I was just happy to enjoy the journey with him. I still wanted to start this company, though, so Pierre encouraged me and with the money we’d made from the selling of his clothing, I started this company. It was very challenging for a while, it was a different time and so many people believed I could not be successful because I was a woman, but I was determined and what I say goes. Soon enough, he was becoming a bigger name and eventually my company started to grow. The rest is as you say, history.”

You smiled at the idea, that two people could start something so special together and see it become so successful. It made you crave something like that, in the future at least. Whether it was with a romantic partner or a friend, you hoped someday you could make something special like that. “Is your husband in any of the fashion shows?” You asked, taking a sip of your own wine.

Marie smiled softly, shaking her head. “No, he actually died shortly after his 40th birthday. It is unfortunate that the world could not have seen more of his designs. He really was a visionary.”

“Oh,” you said, heart sinking. “I’m so sorry to hear that. My dad died when I was 11, so I understand. He was a talented author and I’ve often wondered what else he could have come up with, if he hadn’t left so early.”

“Some of the best people this world has known, have been taken far too early.” Marie nodded, placing her glass down on the table and smiling over at you, “that is why we must be strong and continue the work for them. I may not be able to design fashion like my Pierre, but I can show the world what he loved and keep that dream alive. I love doing that for him.”

The food arrived just then so conversation switched quickly, but Marie’s words stuck in your head for the rest of the night. You wanted to be strong like Marie, to keep your dad’s visions alive. You couldn’t write wild and vivid stories like he could, but you could find joy in the little things and you were determined to share those things with the world.

****

It was already Friday and the work was long and tedious while you were editing. You didn’t have any more fashion shoots until next week on Tuesday and Wednesday so you had today and Monday to get the rest of the editing done for Fashion week. The editing was the worst part of photography, but the end product was always worth it.

Danielle had, had to leave for a doctor’s appointment about two hours ago and you were craving her company already. You dreaded thinking about when you’d go back home and she wouldn’t be there anymore. You’d been staring at your screen for 20 minutes now, wondering what was missing from this picture’s edit that you weren’t seeing.

Rubbing at your eyes, you leaned back in your chair, yawning with a stretch of your arms over your head. You still had a few hours left of work and you needed a short break. A sudden thought popped into your head, and before you could think better of it, you were clicking onto your Instagram and flipping through your friend’s pages. You knew you shouldn’t, but your fingers had a mind of their own and you were already typing in Taehyung’s name before you could even register what you were doing.

His page popped up with a flood of mostly familiar pictures, but there were two from the winter break you hadn’t seen yet. The first was a picture of him at the entertainment company he’d been signed to back at the beginning of November. He was standing with someone from the company and looked really excited and that made you happy.

You wished you could have made him happy, but you just hadn’t been ready. Flipping to the next picture, he and Jin were on the beach, the sun setting behind them and bright smiles on their faces. You were really happy for them; living out their dreams. Not very many people seemed to be able to do that, but you were happy they could; they deserved it.

“Is that the guy?”

You jumped, glancing to your left as Danielle set down her bag and sat in her seat, a knowing grin on her face.

You chuckled, nodding. “Yeah, that’s Taehyung.”

“Did you come up with a game plan?” She asked, shrugging off her coat and slipping her scarf from her neck.

You shook your head, pursing your lips. “Not yet. Honestly, I’ve been so busy I haven’t really given myself time to sit down and think about it.”

“I don’t think that’s a bad thing.” Danielle remarked, bringing her laptop back to life, “You’re giving yourself time to really clear the air and then it will be easier to find a solution to tackle the problem. Sometimes if we think too much about something, we end up going in circles and never find a real solution.”

You nodded; lips puckered. “That’s true.” You admitted. “Man, I’m gonna miss your insights!”

Danielle laughed, squeezing your arm from beside you. “You still have another week of this internship, don’t miss me yet!”

“That’s true, maybe I’ll be sick of you by the end of it.” You teased. “So, how’d the doctors go?”

“Good.” She smiled, pulling up her editing software and pictures, “it was just a routine checkup. I had surgery a few months back so I’ve been going in to make sure everything is healing properly.”

“Oh wow, and everything’s good so far?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, leaning back in her chair and looking over at you. “It was a slipped disk that’s been bothering me for a while. It’s been years now, but when I was pregnant there were some complications and I got a herniated disk because of it. I didn’t think much of it because it didn’t really hurt at first, but over the last year or so it was pretty painful so I went and got surgery to take care of it.”

“Wow, so you’ve just been working this whole time with a slipped disk?” You gaped, leaning forward in your seat and she chuckled, waving you off.

“Adulthood. I have bills to pay and can’t really afford to take the time off. Besides, it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“You are way tougher than me.” You nodded, going back to your laptop and surveying the picture you’d been stuck on before.

“Naw, no way,” Danielle said, “you’re only as strong as you say you are.”

You smiled over at her before twisting your laptop towards her, “I’m in need of your help, oh wise one. What’s missing from this picture?”

Danielle grinned, leaning towards the picture, eyebrow scrunched in thought. “Turn the resolution up just a little and it will be perfect.”

****

Saturday morning was a welcomed break from the hectic schedule of photoshoots and editing. Danielle had told you to sleep in and be ready by 11. She was going to take you sight-seeing and you were crossing your fingers for the Eiffel Tower and a museum or two.

“Of course,” Danielle said, once you’d told her what you were hoping for, “no trip is complete without at least going to the top of the Eiffel Tower and seeing the Louvre in all of its grandeur.”

“I am so glad we agree! What about Notre Dame? I would love to see that.”

“Add it to the list!” Danielle grinned and you cheered.

After having a light lunch at a café not far from your hotel, the two of you made your way to the Eiffel Tower, paying and taking the elevators all the way to the top. The air was quite cold, but the sweeping view was worth it.

All of Paris was set out around you. It had snowed the night before, only enough to dust the ground and trees, but somehow it made the sight more beautiful. Buildings made of Limestone could be seen for miles, all topped by pristine white. The river Seine was just to your left, beautiful and shivering in the breeze.

You were pretty sure you took an obscene number of pictures, but you didn’t care. You weren’t sure if you’d ever come back here again so you didn’t want to forget a thing. Notre Dame was equally impressive, walls covered in stone and beautiful portraits. The statue Pieta was absolutely breathtaking, you couldn’t help but marvel at how someone could make something from a single slab of marble.

You’d studied all about Michelangelo and his work in your Art History class so seeing some of the pieces in person was a little mind blowing. “I can’t believe I’m here.” You whispered, glancing around the room.

“I never get tired of seeing this.” Danielle admitted. “The grandiose makes you feel so small, but in a good way.”

The golden glow of the lights against the walls made you feel warm and cozy. The vaulted domes of the ceilings inspired awe that you just couldn’t get over. There was nothing like this back home, no intensely rich culture and history that you could just feel in your bones. You would miss that a lot when you returned home. Customs were different here; in that they were intense and made you feel like a tightly knit group.

There was a sense of belonging that you enjoyed witnessing and made this internship all the more worthwhile. After spending another hour touring every nook and cranny that you were allowed to see, Danielle took you back to the Louvre, which you were particularly excited about. You’d seen just glimpses of it from the Dior fashion show, but now you would get to go inside and explore.

“The history of the louvre itself is amazing,” you remarked as both you and Danielle began to walk the halls, stopping here and there to gaze at paintings or statues. “It was once a castle under the rule of Philip II before becoming a palace for the successive kings as their main dwelling. Eventually one of the kings switched the main residence to the Palace of Versailles and this building became an unintentional museum, housing the royal collection. Did you know at one point the Louvre was even renamed Musée Napoléon when Napoléon was in power?”

“I did,” Danielle smiled, “but I’ve always been a bit of a history buff.”

“Ah, well then you must have already known all of that!” You lamented and Danielle chuckled.

“No, not all of it, but even if I had, your passion is quite charming. I enjoy talking to you; it’s always an intelligent conversation.”

“Well I’m glad I could be of some use.” You teased.

****

The weekend passed quickly and Monday was too bright and too early, but you were happy to be back at work; it was a welcome distraction from the ticking of the time on your internship. Only a few more days and you would close the door on a once in a lifetime opportunity. You were trying not to mourn the experience while you still had time left. There would be opportunities for that later.

You had your second to last photoshoot tomorrow and today you were going to be drowning in editing. You spent the morning editing by yourself, Danielle having back to back meetings with Marie and a few of the other members of staff, but at least it allowed you to fully concentrate on your work.

After lunch you worked one on one with Marie, going over the details of Tuesdays and Wednesdays shoots before sending her the pictures you’d edited thus far. You were mostly done at this point, just a handful more and you were excited to see that finished. You were always a little tired of seeing your own pictures after a dozen or so hours of staring at them.

Monday finished with nothing more than a comfortable evening and a fizzle of energy, sinking into the plush of the hotel mattress. You would be sad to say goodbye to this bed; it had given you some of the best sleep of your life so far. Tuesday was a different sort of chaos. The energy was new, less intense than fashion week, but still there in its own variety. There were too many people in the studio, full of nervous energy and differing opinions of how they wanted the models to look.

At Marie’s sharp insistence that they let the photographer do her job, you were diving into the deep end; point and shoot. This was a little more comfortable for you, a little more of what you were used to. The ability to capture what you wanted; what you found beautiful. You were less used to guiding posture and more used to discovering it in its own natural state, but there was something invigorating in the power of it.

You were in complete control of your pictures, and whether they turned out well was 90% in your hands and only 10% in the hands of the models. As it was, they were professionals so you were assuming the 100%. That was OK, though. You were a perfectionist at best, which was amusing to some because of how candid your pictures tended to be, but they were perfection in their realism, which was exactly how you liked them.

The room was hot and a little stuffy; you were warm and wet in the creases of your shirt, but you lived for this. The models did exactly as you told them and, in the end, you were pretty happy with the images you’d captured. An afternoon spent editing was a price you were willing to pay to ensure the details were right.

A company dinner with conversations in broken English, too much French wine, and not enough space between bodies in the booths made for a well-rounded evening and you met your pillow with a belly warm from Pinot Noirs.

****

Wednesday morning greeted you with sun and a hangover. It was still too cold so you bundled yourself warm and waited for the car after breakfast. Danielle greeted you at the office, standing just inside the door with a smile and a hot chocolate.

“How are you feeling?” She asked, eyes flicking across your body and you grimaced.

“Too much wine,” you admitted, “but I’ll survive.” The elevator was stuffed full of people greeting each other with sleepy bonjours and stiff head nods. It felt like a Monday.

“Last photoshoot today!” Danielle enthused, stepping from the elevator and you followed after, nodding your head briefly before regretting the action entirely. Your head was still pounding. You needed to drink your water bottle before you could even dive into the drink Danielle had given you.

“Yeah, I’m not looking forward to staring at a computer screen the next 5 hours come editing time.” You said, pulling your water bottle from your bag and chugging the remainder. “I took some medicine this morning when I woke up, though, so I should be a little less dead in 10 minutes.”

Danielle nodded, motioning towards the closet over her shoulder and you followed, going to get the equipment you’d need for the day. You loved the flexibility you got with this internship. You’d heard about how creativity stifling some could be, the dictation of what your work was meant to be like, so you’d been thrilled to find that most creative decisions were left in your hands. Danielle and Marie’s guidance had been invaluable, though, and you really looked forward to continuing to implement what they’d taught in your future career.

“I think you should use the EOS 5D Mark IV for this one,” Danielle said, going to take the camera from its casing, carefully holding it out for you as she searched for different lenses you could use. “It’s gonna help you get more details with this shoot. The clothing the models are wearing today are pretty intricate so we need you to get some pretty in-depth pictures. Here, take the EF 24-70mm as well, just in case.”

The office was filling with life as you made your way back to your desk, carefully setting the camera down before sitting in your seat and switching to the settings you’d need for the shoot. You had about an hour before the models got here so you went to go set up the room with Danielle’s help, taking a few practice shots to make sure the camera was working properly.

Marie joined you when the models did, helping to show you good positioning that would exhibit the clothing without being too intense. The dresses they were wearing were definitely intricate; lots of beading and gems. Your favorite was a black tulle dress with gold star like designs across it and a deep V-neck into the middle of the sternum. The price of €9674.50 had you gagging, but you weren’t buying it, so for now you would just enjoy looking at it.

Once the shoot was over and the frames were loaded into your laptop, you began the tedious task of editing your final photoshoot. It was bitter sweet in that it meant that your internship was basically over. You would finish editing tomorrow and then Friday afternoon you would fly home.

Sighing, you sat back in your chair, pulling your arms behind you, fingers linked together as your chest opened wide in a stretch. “I can’t believe it’s almost over.” You mourned, and Danielle turned to look at you, lips twitching up in a small smile.

“The time really has gone by quickly.” She admitted.

“I feel like so much has changed.” You said, pushing the lid of your laptop until it was almost closed.

“In what respect? You or life or something else?”

“Everything, I guess.” You shrugged. “I’ve learned a lot about my craft, but I’ve also been learning a lot about what it means to be a strong woman and it’s all thanks to yours and Marie’s example.”

Danielle looked flustered at your admission, holding a hand up to her chest. “Me? What have I done?”

“Well, you’ve of course given me guidance with my pictures, but you’ve given me unintentional advice that has been invaluable.” At the knit in her brow you continued. “I hope this doesn’t come across the wrong way because I mean it completely positively, but in college you found yourself in a situation that was really hard. You knew your strengths and limitations and decided to make a decision that could have destroyed you for the benefit of someone else. If I’d had to make a choice like that, I feel like I would somehow look down on myself, but you’re just so bright and happy and positive.”

Danielle smiled, reaching out and squeezing your hand. “I wasn’t always like this. When I first gave Emile up for adoption, it nearly consumed me with guilt. What mother just gives away their baby? That’s what I kept asking myself. Eventually, I got to the point where I was tired of being my own worst enemy. I had to face my demons and forgive myself. What I did, I did for Emile because I love her. I couldn’t have given her the life that she truly deserved and that was bigger than my desire to be her mother. I had to sort of retrain myself, learn to love the woman I am and stand by the decisions I make. I also had to learn to accept my faults and not let them limit me. I’m not a perfect person, but I’m finally allowing myself to learn from those imperfections instead of letting them dictate my life. It was really a journey of self-love.”

“I’m envious of that,” you admitted, “loving yourself enough to be ok with making mistakes and learning from them instead of being limited by them.”

“Well don’t be jealous,” Danielle said, “do something about it. You can do whatever you set your mind to; look at Marie. The entire industry looked down on her because she was a woman, but instead of choosing to adopt that thinking and let it limit her, she turned around and said, you know what? My being a woman is my strength, not my disadvantage. Then she went and proved it. Seems like right now the person you need to be proving yourself to, is yourself. Self-love is a life long journey, but it’s important.”

“How did you start, then?” You asked, spinning slightly in your chair, armrests gripped tightly between your fingers and gaze trained down on your jeans.

“I started by forgiving my flaws and telling myself every day in the mirror the things I liked about myself. Sounds silly, but it really works. At first, it was hard. My mind was flooded with self-doubt and loathing, but I just kept practicing. For every negative thought, I counteracted that with a positive one until finally there were only positives left.”

“You’re pretty amazing, Danielle.” You said, looking up at you and she smiled.

“So are you, Y/N. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise, especially yourself. You are meant to be your biggest ally.”

****

Later that evening as you stood washing your face at the sink basin of your bathroom, you thought about what Danielle had said. There were a lot of things you didn’t like about yourself, it’s true, but there were a lot of things that you did like, so how could you learn to focus on those things?

Staring into your reflection, you frowned. Danielle was right, it was weird to try and tell yourself the things you liked, but it couldn’t hurt to try. Pursing your lips, you thought hard and decided you wanted to focus on the parts of you people couldn’t see on the outside.

“Uh,” you cleared your throat awkwardly, shifting from one foot to the other. “You’re a nice person.” Immediately you were flooded with thoughts of how awkward you were, but you rounded your shoulders and pressed forward. “You genuinely care about people; you don’t just fake it for the convenience of others. You always try really hard to get along with other people, but you don’t take crap from anyone.”

You smiled softly, thinking of some other things you liked about yourself. “You actually have a really good moral compass and a good sense of when a situation or person is good or bad; not everyone has that. You have a good sense of humor; you can always make people laugh and feel relaxed with you. You’re really smart, too. You’ve always knocked down every barrier that was in your way because you were determined enough to do it. This is going to be another one of those times.”

You spent so much time standing in front of that mirror that by the time you were finished, your eyes were heavy with sleep and you were trudging back to the comfort of your bed with a head full of praise and a warm heart. Loving yourself was going to be the best thing you’d ever done for yourself.

****

Friday morning came after a busy Thursday with a final dinner with Marie and Danielle and a teary goodbye to the former, who had an out of town business meeting and couldn’t see you off to the airport.

You’d packed your bags in the evening after dinner and double checked everything in the morning before Danielle came to get you for your final breakfast together. With your bags packed and in the trunk of the car, you’d stopped at a café. You still had two hours before you had to head to the airport for your 2 o’clock flight and your chest was tight with the bittersweet ending of your adventure.

You’d spent yesterday morning and last night after packing, praising yourself in the mirror and even though it had still felt a little awkward, you were already starting to feel a little change. It had given you a lot of time to think about who you were and who you wanted to be and as Danielle went to go pay the bill before you left for the airport, you had another moment to think about it.

One of the biggest things you’d noticed about yourself so far, was the lack of trust you had…in yourself. Maybe that stemmed from the fact that your dad had died and you weren’t able to do anything to stop it, maybe it’s because growing up after that, you were afraid to say no, afraid to hurt others in the way that you felt you been hurt by your dad’s absence. Or maybe you just didn’t trust that you could make sound and reasonable decisions.

Whatever the reason behind your lack of trust in yourself, you began to take note of what others around you were doing to build themselves up. Danielle and Marie were two of the strongest women you’d ever met. Danielle had scars both physical and emotional from her surgery and the baby that she’d given away. Marie had started an empire and carried it on her back, despite the scrutiny of her time that a woman couldn’t create and run a successful company.

You admired them deeply; wanted to be like them in many ways. Over time you realized you couldn’t actually be them…but you could be you, and that was pretty great too. You had a lot of great things going for you, a lot of really good qualities. Sure, you had things to work on, had done things that you weren’t proud of…Taehyung came to mind, but you had resolved to become your best self. You were done living your life in the shadows, feeling so afraid of yourself and the power you possessed, not just as a human being, but as a woman. You were done beating yourself up over the person you weren’t and you were ready to love yourself for the person you already were.

Sitting here in this Parisian café, dressed in your ebony peplum pea coat and cherry red beret feeling more confident than you had in your entire life, you were ready; ready for this change. “You ready to go?”

You glanced up, watching as Danielle came to stand in front of your table and you smiled, grabbing your bag and standing. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” You said, linking your arm with hers.

“I can’t believe it’s already been two weeks. Time really does fly.” Danielle moped and you pouted over at her as she closed the car door behind her.

“It really did go way too fast.” You agreed.

“Will you ever come back to Paris?” Danielle asked, reaching over and linking your hands together.

“I hope so” You said, squeezing her fingers in yours, “And of course you know if you’re ever in my area you’ve got to drop by and say hello.”

“It would be a crime if I didn’t.” She insisted. “I’m really gonna miss you.”

“I’m gonna miss you too.”

“Promise to keep me updated on everything, especially with Taehyung. I need to know how that all goes, I’m too curious to be left in the dark.”

You laughed, “I promise to give you the scoop, but don’t get your hopes up either. I was pretty unfair to him; I wouldn’t blame him if he still doesn’t want to speak to me.”

“Please, look at you. He’ll definitely want to talk.” She grinned, nudging your shoulder and you rolled your eyes at her.

Once you’d reached the airport and said your goodbyes, you lugged your bags through check in and security and then made your way towards the gates. It had only been two weeks but felt like it had been a lifetime. You’d learned so much while you were here.

Staring out the window at your plane, you sighed. You needed to make a plan, figure out how you could ever convince Taehyung how sorry you were and how willing and ready you were to actually give him a chance.

In the end, it had never been about him and all about you. You hadn’t loved yourself enough to realize that you were worthy of the love he was trying to give you. You weren’t willing to face the heartbreak of rejection so you pushed him away without ever really giving him a chance.

Now you realized you’d not only hurt him, but you’d hurt yourself. You were unwilling to do that anymore; to be the destroyer of your own happiness. You were so ready to love yourself, to be your biggest cheer leader. You were ready to face the fact that you were deserving of the love people wanted to give you. You smiled at your reflection in the mirror, the same young woman from two weeks ago, but so different too. You felt powerful, like there was nothing you couldn’t do. You were confident and comfortable in your own skin. Your body wasn’t perfect, you had little spots and cellulite in places you weren’t thrilled about; but this body had gotten you through so much and was always ready to get up and go forward in the morning. It was time your spirit caught up. You loved it in all of its little imperfections and intricacies and in learning to love the outward side of yourself, you were learning to love who you were on the inside too.

Sarah was right, you were one hell of a woman and you were no longer afraid to admit it. Take off was bittersweet; leaving behind the country and opportunity that had allowed for so much growth in your photography and even your confidence was a little scary, leaving with it a feeling of whether or not you could continue when you returned to old habits; but you refused to allow the everyday of your life to retract the progress you’d made. You were too driven.

It was late when you landed, but despite the hour, your family was still there to greet you. Your mom squealed, arms open wide as you jogged towards her, laughing at her excitement. “Oh my gosh!” She gasped, poking at your beret when she’d stood back. “You look so Parisian.”

You grinned, rolling your eyes, “What does that even look like?”

“Like that.” Ben chuckled, pulling you into a hug. “Welcome back, Tuck.”

“Thanks Benny boo.” You smiled and he groaned, grabbing at his chest in complaint.

“Hey Paul.” You said as he pulled you into a firm bear hug.

“How are you kiddo?”

“Super glad to be off that plane.” You admitted, stretching your back when you’d been released. “Economy is not where it’s at.”

Ben worked his arm around your shoulders and the four of you made your way to baggage claim through the handful of late-night stragglers off other planes. “Still can’t believe you went to Paris. Of course, my kid sister gets to do all the cool things.”

“Hey, don’t complain at me, mister. You’re the one who applied for a job at our old high school. You could have tried for that overseas job.”

Ben shrugged as your group came to a stop by your baggage claim, “You know I’m too conventional for that. I want the adventure, but turns out I’m too lame for it.”

“Can’t argue there,” you nodded and Ben laughed, smacking your arm.

“Be nice to your big brother!” He frowned and you wriggled your eyebrows up and down at him.

“It’s pretty cold out there,” Your mother said, linking her arm through yours, “Did you bring a bigger coat or just that?”

“This is surprisingly warm, actually.” You said, “but you know I went out with a bigger coat, I just packed it in my check in.”

“You might want it on.” Paul smiled, zipping his own coat up, “we’re having a bit of a cold snap right now.”

After grabbing your luggage, you followed your family back to the car, loading everything in and finally laying your head against the window. You were exhausted. It was just after midnight by the time you left the airport and after a full day of traveling you were so ready to fall asleep for at least 12 hours.

Conversation was light for the next 20 minutes, mostly your family talking and you drifting in and out of sleep and conversation. By the time you made it back to your house you were nearly asleep. Ben and Paul helped you bring your luggage back up to your room and you made your way to the bathroom to brush your teeth.

“It’s good to have you back, Tuck.” Ben smiled, kissing your forehead and you smiled up at him around your tooth brush.

“Are you staying the night?” You asked, pulling your brush from your teeth and turning to face him.

“Yeah, it’s winter vacation for us too so mom and Paul said I could stay for the last week of your break and then I’ll head back to my apartment.”

“See you in the morning, then.” You said softly, waving him away and he nodded, heading to his childhood bedroom to sleep.

****

The next morning you woke to a fresh snow and a mild headache. Jet lag was far worse heading over to Paris, but you knew you couldn’t completely escape the time zone difference so you stretched lethargically before stepping from your bed and making your way to the bathroom, fingers digging into an itch in your back.

“Morning sleepy head.” Your mother smiled from the breakfast table after you’d made your way downstairs. “I made breakfast.”

“I see that.” You remarked in amazement, “you really outdid yourself.”

The table was filled with all sorts of delicious foods and your stomach gurgled as you pulled out your chair and sat down. “I can’t decide what to eat first.”

“How about everything?” Paul chuckled, placing down his book and grabbing your plate to fill it with one of everything.

“Morning.” Ben croaked groggily from the door, shuffling his way to his seat, hair stood up in every direction and his eyes half closed with the remnants of his sleep.

“My, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” Your mother teased and your brother, having a general lack of energy, just yawned in response. “So, Y/N, you have one week before school, what do you want to do with that time?”

“I want to make a game plan.” You said and Ben looked over at you, one eye closed and the other half lidded.

“A game plan for what?” He mumbled around a mouthful of food.

“How to apologize to Taehyung.” You murmured, staring down at your food.

“Did something happen with him?” Your mother asked, taking a sip of her orange juice.

“Just kind of had a…falling out.” You said, smiling up at her, “he was ready for something more serious than I was and I was too far in my own head. I want to at least talk to him and see if he’s willing to give it one more chance. If not, then at least I’ve tried.”

“That’s a good idea.” Your mom smiled, “tell me more about him; you’ve been so secretive.”

You laughed, taking a drink from your cup, “I don’t really like to talk about things that aren’t for sure yet, you know that. I’ll tell you about him, though. He’s originally from Korea, has a brother and a sister, he’s studying dance and musical performance and he is so talented it’s ridiculous. He lives with a lot of friends from back home and they’re some of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. He’s really good at making me feel like I can do anything. I don’t know, he’s just really cool. Plus, he’s cute.” You grinned.

“As he should be,” your mother nodded. “OK, so you’ll make a game plan. Anything else? I was hoping we could go see a movie or something.”

“Yeah, mom wants someone to go a sappy movie with her.” Ben smirked and your mother swatted his arm.

“It’s not sappy.” She complained.

“Mom, it’s like hallmark on steroids.” He scoffed and you chuckled.

“Sure, mom, I’ll go with you. Mostly I just want to relax this week. Eat more than my calorie count allows and lounge on the couch with a blanket and movie.”

“I’m down for that.” Ben agreed, shaggy hair falling into his eyes as he nodded.

“I want both of you to help me with some things around the house while you’re here,” Paul said over his book and you nodded in understanding.

****

After breakfast was over you made your way back to the bathroom for a shower. The steam made you feel warm and lethargic all over again, like climbing back into the toasty heaven that were your sheets. You finished your shower, dressing and getting ready quickly before grabbing a notebook and heading to Ben’s old bedroom, leaving a knock on the solid oak wood panel.

“Come in.” He called from inside and you twisted the bronze knob, cool in your fingertips, until the door swung open. “Hey,” he smiled from his perch at the top of his bed. “What’s up?”

“Was wondering if you could contribute your man’s insight.” You asked and he patted the spot next to him.

“Sure, with what?”

“My game plan.” You said, taking the proffered seat. His bed, while unmade and a little messy, was soft and warm, and you sunk into its embrace happily.

“Ah yes, with that guy Tae something, right?”

“Taehyung, yeah.”

“Ok, so, what have you got so far?” He asked, turning his body so it was facing you, one foot on the floor with the other tucked into the center of his sweats.

“Honestly,” you sighed, “nothing. That’s the problem; I don’t even know how to start.”

“Well, I guess the only way I can really help is if you give me the details of what happened. Can’t help fix a problem I know nothing about.”

“I was hoping we could avoid that part.” You mumbled.

Ben laughed, “Sorry, Tuck. Time to be forthcoming.”

You sighed, nodding before delving into the story, watching his face apprehensively as he frowned or grimaced in certain parts and you wrung your hands nervously.

Ben exhaled loudly when you’d finished, lips puckered forward in thought. “It’s a lot to take in.” He remarked.

“I know.” You murmured.

“Well, obviously you both made mistakes, he should have been a little more patient, but you were definitely giving him mixed signals and leading him on.” Ben said gently and you frowned down at your lap, fingers tracing the rings of your notebook.

“Yeah.”

“It’s not the end of the world, Tuck, it’s been almost a month, you’ve both had time to calm down. Now you guys just need to talk. I honestly think it’s going to take more than just one chat, though, to be fair.”

“What do you mean?” You pouted and Ben smiled, ruffling your hair.

“So far, his romantic experience with you has been your body language and words at complete odds. How’s he supposed to know you’re really ready without you proving it…with time?”

Your shoulders deflated. “I was afraid you were going to say that.”

“Sorry, Y/N. He probably doesn’t trust your word much right now and you’re gonna have to show him you’re really serious about him this time. Building back trust takes time. Tell him you are ready and that you want to prove it to him over time and then be consistent. You make the moves to see him and you follow the signals and signs he gives you. And…if he says he doesn’t want to or isn’t ready, you have to respect that. Sometimes we burn our bridges.”

“I hope I haven’t burned this bridge.” You admit, looking up at your brother.

“I’m rooting for you.” He said, taking your hand in his own.

“Thanks Ben.” You smiled.

“Dad would be really proud of you, you know?” He said suddenly, and you looked over at him, eyes wide. “You’ve grown a lot over the last few years. When dad died, I feel like our family kind of fell apart. You and I were both really angry and I feel like you’ve spent a lot of time self-sabotaging, making it so that people couldn’t get close enough to hurt you anymore. I’m really proud of how much progress you’ve made. It’s not easy to open yourself up again.”

“What about you? Have you learned to open up again?” You asked.

“Well, I’ve always been a little more open than you,” he teased and you rolled your eyes at him with a smile. “But yeah, I’ve kind of been seeing someone.”

“Really?” You heaved, sliding closer, “tell me all about her!”

He chuckled, flipping the hair from his eyes, “Her name is Nicole, she’s actually another teacher at my school, teaches AP English.”

“Did Mrs. Lin leave?”

“She retired, yeah. Last year, actually. Nicole and I only started seeing each other about 2 weeks ago, but so far I think there’s a lot of potential; she’s really cool.”

“I’m excited for you. Really. At least one of us has got the romance department a little more figured out.”

“It’ll be the two of us soon enough. If not Taehyung, it’ll be someone else. There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t date, though. You know that, right?”

You smiled, grabbing his shoulder in a tight squeeze. “I know, Ben. Thank you so much for listening. Seriously. Your support makes me feel like I can really do this.”

“You definitely can.” He said. “By the way, mom wanted me to remind you that you still need to open your presents from Christmas.”

“Oh!” You gasped, bouncing from your seat on his bed, “I totally forgot about that. Let’s go downstairs!”

****

Later that evening, after you’d had dinner and cleaned the dishes, you were sat in front of the fireplace in your pajamas, book in hand. Paul was watching tv, flipping casually through channels and you could hear your mom and Ben playing chess in the office. You coveted days like these, where you could sleep in and lounge lazily around the house. No responsibilities, just relaxation.

The downtime gave you the opportunity to think, too. Mostly right now you were thinking about how you missed Paris. All the time in the world and you wouldn’t have been able to explore all the things you’d wanted to. Every cute café, shoved in a small hole in the wall with beautiful vibrant wisteria and vines of honeysuckle hanging from the trellises. You wish you could have seen them in bloom, but even in winter it was an enchanting sight.

You missed Danielle a lot, she’d provided you with a lot of insight and a great friendship. You wished you could have brought her back home with you. She wasn’t that much older than you, but she’d taught you so much.

“Would you be willing to help me in the store tomorrow?” Paul asked, turning his gaze from the tv to rest on you.

“You need me to man the cash register?” You asked, looking up at him. “Yeah, the customers are in need of a pretty face, not just my gruff mug.” He chuckled and you smiled.

“Sure, I’ve got some time to spare. What time?”

He flipped to a rerun of an old army show, dropping the controller in his lap, brow wrinkled. “Not a super long time, I know it’s your break right now. How about from 11-3? That way I can get Bobby and I a good solid break.”

“Sounds great.” You nodded, flipping your book back open. “I’ve still got the shirt upstairs in my closet.”

“Great. Your brother is coming in tomorrow too, but he’ll be helping in the back with some heavy loading stuff so you may not even see him.”

“Is he going in at the same time as you?” You asked and he shook his head.

“No, he’s actually coming in at the same time as you so maybe you can drive in together.”

“Good. I’ll make him drive.” You grinned.

****

The drive to the store was slow in the snow, but the familiar roads and buildings were comforting in their nostalgia. The morning air was still and crisp, leaving a chill in the car that went sweeping into your bones.

Your breath fogged in front of you, condensation building on the window as you stared out. The streets were mostly empty, despite the hour, but as you made your way further into town the sidewalks became more crowded with people, snow trodden footsteps and the remnants of Christmas decorations.

Ben pulled into the parking lot of Paul’s garden and home store and locked the doors behind the two of you as you stepped, shivering into the mist covered afternoon. You could see a few customers inside, but it wasn’t overcrowded.

Moving inside, you shook the cold from your limbs, glancing around the room to find Paul. He stood at the opposite end of the store in the garden section, talking to a man over the top of a large potted gardenia. He waved at the two of you absently and you walked to the back of the store and into the employee break room, sliding your coat from your shoulders and onto the wall hanger by the door.

“I’m gonna go grab us some aprons.” Ben said, walking into the office and closing the door behind him to get to the shelf.

The break room was just as you remembered it. Two brown, leather couches, one with a poorly patched hole in the center of one of its seats, an old, wooden table by the sink with a small white fridge and a couple counter tops. There was a small tv sat on a table across from the couches, so you sat down, fidgeting idly with the sleeve of your uniform shirt while you waited for your brother to return.

“OK,” Ben sighed, making his way back out of the office and closing the door behind him, two grey aprons clutched in one hand. He chucked one into your waiting lap and you stood, fastening it around your waist and behind your back. “Let’s go see where he wants us.”

By the time you returned to the front, Bobby was already ringing up the gardenia customer and Paul was making his way over to the two of you. “Thanks again for coming in.” He smiled, clapping your brother on the shoulder and you waved him off.

“We’re happy to help.” You replied.

“I’m gonna go ahead and send Bobby on break and get you set up on register, Y/N. Ben, I’ve got a few things I need your help with. When Bobby comes back, I’ll go on break and send him your way, Ben.”

“Sounds good.” Ben nodded.

“Morning,” Bobby greeted you from his position at the register and you grinned. He was a shorter, slightly stouter man, just a few years older than you, with short, black hair, a rounded nose, and glasses. He was quiet and a little awkward, but a genuinely nice guy and someone you considered a good friend here in the city.

“How are you?” You greeted as he stepped from the register to allow your uncle to log his information in.

Bobby shrugged, “can’t complain. Making money to pay for my exorbitant lifestyle, the usual.”

You laughed, patting his arm and stepping back as your uncle made his way passed. “You’ll have to keep me updated on that.”

Bobby made his way back to the break room and Ben and your stepdad walked towards the back of the store, disappearing around the corner. The store wasn’t very busy right now so you grabbed a Home and Garden magazine from beside you and began to flip through to occupy your time.

Shortly before noon, the bell to the shop chimed and you glanced up as Anna, Sarah, and their mom walked through the door.

“Y/N!” Sarah squealed, running towards you, Anna hot on her tail and you rounded the register to give them both a hug. “Oh my gosh, we weren’t sure if you’d be here today but tagged along with our mom just in case.”

“Seems like it was a good idea.” Their mom said from behind and you chuckled, giving her a quick hug.

“Yeah, I just got back the other day and Paul asked Ben and I to come in and help today.”

“Did you buy a beret like we told you to?” Anna asked and you grinned, rolling your eyes at her.

“Of course, I did. Just wait until you see all the things I got! I’m so excited to show you everything.”

The twins mother made her way to the plant section of the store and you glanced after her, before turning your attention back to your friends. “Well we should hang out before we head back to school. I know you haven’t spent a lot of time with your family, but we’ve spent more than enough with ours.” Sarah teased and Anna nodded vigorously.

“Sure, you guys know you’re welcome to come over anytime. Why don’t you come over later after dinner and we can watch a movie or something?”

“And by watch a movie you mean gossip about Paris while a movie plays in the background?” Anna said, eyebrows wagging and you laughed.

“Pretty much.”

After the twins and their mother had bought what they needed and left the store with see you soon’s, you returned to a sluggish afternoon of the occasional customer question and watching the snow drifts outside the front window.

Every once in a while, you’d see Ben and Paul lugging heavy plants to the front of the store and Ben would make funny faces about the pain of heavy labor and you’d smile and laugh, waving him away. By the time both Bobby and Paul had taken their breaks and returned, you were ready to get some food of your own so with quick thank you’s from Paul and no problem’s from you and your brother, you both made your way back into the snow, bundled and warm, to head home for food and relaxation.

You helped your mother make lunch, before the three of you retired to the living room to watch old reruns of The Nanny and eat. It was so nice to be home and have no responsibilities. Even though you missed Paris and you even missed school, there was no way you were going to squander the opportunity to sit around and do absolutely nothing important.

After dinner, Anna and Sarah came over in their dad’s brand-new Christmas present, a beautiful cherry red Camaro and you remarked on the amazing feat it must have been to convince him to let them drive it.

Sarah chuckled, “well since we only live a block away, he was willing to allow it. You know if you lived any further, we would have been in the Toyota.”

“This is true.” You nodded your commiseration before grinning and looking at your friends with wiggling eyebrows. “Wanna see my clothing loot?”

“That should not be a question!” Anna insisted and the three of you ran giggling up the stairs into your room.

You grabbed your suitcase from the floor, flopping it across the middle of your bed and flipping open the top. “You still haven’t unpacked?” Anna asked, sitting at the foot of your bed, one foot tucked into the seat of her jeans.

You shrugged, “let me live my lazy life.” Pulling some of the clothes from your bag, you began modeling for your friends who indulged you happily with oo’s and aw’s and exclamations of jealousy that made you giddy with excitement.

“What about your beret?” Anna asked and you smiled, reaching into your closet and putting on the new coat and hat to show them.

“I’m so jealous!” Sarah cried, jumping from the bed and coming to your side to stroke the fabric of your coat. “Feels like wool.”

“It’s a synthetic wool, actually, and it’s so warm!” You gushed. “Also, check out the hat. Do you approve?”

“Very much so!” Anna chuckled, running her finger tips across the brim of your hat. “I hope you brought us souvenirs.”

“What do you take me for?” You asked, spinning back to your suitcase and pulling out two bags filled with small little goodies and a beret each for your two closest friends who squealed words of thanks and dug through their bags excitedly.

“Did you get something for Charlotte?” Sarah asked, looking up at you and you nodded, holding another bag up from your suitcase.

“Duh.”

The three of you spent the rest of the night filling each other in about your separate breaks and the presents you’d gotten and you gushed all about Danielle and Marie and Paris until you were blue in the face and they were green with envy and then you sat down to a movie with popcorn and more conversation until their dad was finally calling them back home and you were climbing back into bed, excited to enjoy the rest of your winter break before returning back to school for the spring semester.

*****

Thank you sooo much for being so patient and waiting for this 42 page beauty. I’m really happy with this chapter and I hope you love it. Please let me know what you think! I’m desperate for your thoughts and opinions. Haha. We’re almost there, only 3 more chapters!

Chapter 12

Chapter 14

#taehyung fanfic #taehyung scenario #taehyung angst #taehyung fluff #taehyung x reader

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