#jeongguk fanfic | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vminity21 · 2 years ago

Text

Destined | jjk

Pairing: actor!Jeongguk x female!reader, boyfriend!Taehyung x female!reader, f2l!au, school!au

Word Count: 25,530

Genre: smut, angst, fluff

Warning(s): unrequited love, mega-angst (im sorry), profanity, mention of an accident, dirty talk/jokes, smut, fingering, finger sucking, nipple play, m!dom, slight f!dom, clit play, oral (m + f receive), smutty kissing, probably some nipple play; Rated: 18+

Summary: You have had feelings for Jeon Jeongguk since you laid eyes on him. Through the stages of life he has engulfed your brain in ways you will never understand. His feelings for you bloom but a huge misunderstanding will leave you so broken, you don’t know what else to do other than run. You watch as Jeongguk’s dreams become a reality, and despite your new love interest, you never expected to be reconnected with the man who once captured your heart and is determined to find you again.

{Present Day}

Tears drip in warm trails off your cheeks when the click of the front door signifies the leaving of Taehyung. Admitting you are in love with someone else is already hard enough, but the pain of losing someone whom you thought would understand is more overwhelming than you could have possibly imagined. Conversation involving a famous talk show murmurs in the background, but the volume is not enough to drown out the sniffles now pressing onto the back of your hand while your entire frame shudders. Eventually, you plan to reach out to Tae in hopes of reconciling at least a friendship because it is what he deserves, and his heart is in the right place despite the pain you caused.

It is the face on the television screen that captured your heart for sixteen long years and the roller coaster of emotions encircling your chest tightens, producing a lump at the back of your throat as you swallow roughly. The movie premiere has officially been released, and the world has gone feral for the man seated before the interviewer who has asked questions the entire time as expected. But it was the words that the man said that confirmed what you needed to know, and when you froze with the remote almost slipping from your hand, you knew that you were still in love with him, and your now ex-boyfriend Kim Taehyung could tell in your eyes that there is no turning back.

There was a fight that prompted Taehyung to leave, but he was aware from vague communications that you and the actor in the interview had a history. A long history of almost unrequited love, or so you assumed, to reconnecting in the most unexpected way, but before things could get out of hand this time, you did approach Taehyung in a warning that maybe things weren’t meant to be, but he convinced you to stay because sometimes everybody goes through their spells of doubt. But, when it came to Jeon Jeongguk, there were never any doubts.

It’s him.

It was always him. And, when answering a question involving inspiration as to why Jeongguk chose the career path he is on- the words you had spoken to him back in high school were repeated, and your heart turned with the longing that never dimmed. You love Taehyung, and that was never a lie; he unknowingly helped you through a tremendous heartbreak that ultimately revealed to be a misunderstanding that still leaves you humiliated to reminisce upon. And even now, standing within the living room of your home, you no longer can take it; sauntering to the kitchen table, you scoop up your car keys, slipping on your shoes, there is only one destination in mind. Locking the door behind you, the crisp air of the evening that wafts along your face is a reminder of the tears still wanting to fall, and when your car roars to life, your vision adjusts past the tears, and you turn out of the driveway on a mission.

A mission to find some form of healing.

10 years earlier…

{14}

Sunshine reflects off the bleachers enough to cause your eyes to squint toward your notebook where you sketch enough doodles to realize you have not made a dent in your homework. How can you? The pang of a soccer ball bounces off a shoe into the air- kicked with intense force to cause your wandering eyes to view the anger now contorting the player’s expression. His lips stay in a firm pink line, but the dew from the earlier rain unexpectedly slips him onto his back while cocky laughter reverberates beyond the field. Heart turning with sadness, you remain hidden within your favorite spot, though even from a distance, you can see evidently that his feelings are hurt.

“C’mon, Jeongguk, you can’t make the team!” Kevin, the most raucous bully of the school clutches at his stomach overdramatically while his posse looms behind him. “You can barely make the tennis team! You’re in over your head, man,” and with that, they scurry off, shoving into each other’s shoulders as if they have accomplished the funniest gig when really, the most they have accomplished is the nausea rearing within your stomach. And, as much as you want to take a stand for the boy now swiping at his clothes, you shyly hold back continuing to seem hidden high up on the bleachers where he never seems to notice you exist.

Here is where you wait until your father comes to pick you up; unless it is overwhelmingly crowded, you tend to wander off in the opposite direction. You will hide within the room where the drama club meets to practice their lines. It may be halfway into your first year of high school, but you have successfully memorized every aspect of the school building, and while the memory dissipates, you cuddle your notebook to your chest when you watch the lanky kid spit out sentences of curse words before swinging his arm around in a mimic of punching someone.

Jeongguk is not the only one who has had his fair share of Kevin. It was elementary school when you first became acquainted with the two, and the memory still haunts you at times to this day:

“Piggy! Piggy! You’re a chubby piggy!” Kevin would, for lack of a better term, romantically sing to you, side stepping a full circle around you to where you would feel cornered. At eight years old, you were slightly on the chubby side though by nine years old you slimmed up, but on that particular day at eight years of age, Kevin took his demeaning banter too far pushing you severely to the limit. Jabbing a finger into your face, his snotty nose almost made you hurl on his brand-new sneakers.

“Shut up Kevin!” You warned whilst your stubby digits curled into your palms.

“Make me, four eyes!”

Glaring at him, you wished he would disappear as easily as a magic trick, and your fists remained glued to your sides while you fumed. Your stomach growled above the intense anxiety within your abdomen, and you were livid enough at this kid for interrupting your snack time. Tears gathered when you couldn’t find a swift comeback.

“Hey!” A young voice yelled. “That’s not very nice!”

Turning, you saw a dark-haired boy an inch or two taller than you with puffy, red cheeks and bright, brown eyes whose mouth pulled into a pucker once his eyebrows knitted together. Instinctively your mouth flew open as you gazed at your knight in shining armor.

“I don’t care!” Kevin blasted. “She’s a four-eyed pickle brain!”

That was it.

Slowly, you faced Kevin, the fire burning in your palms had never felt so real and before you could control yourself, you smacked him as hard as you could across his face. Kevin gasped in terror as he tumbled to the ground, crying dramatically once his hand pressed against his reddened cheek. Embarrassment washed over mingled with immense fear when you realized what you had done. Kids had been so busy enjoying their lunches throughout the picnic tables that they hadn’t noticed Kevin’s relentless sobs. Taking a step back, you lifted your hand to your mouth to stifle the triumphant smile wanting to grow at the sudden action. You smacked Kevin! The biggest bully you had ever known. Your palm and fingers were slightly pink from the aftermath and despite your heart ramming along your ribcage, you enjoyed that subtle sense of pride.

“What happened? Kevin, love, what happened?” The teacher ran quickly toward the tear-stained boy, bending down to rub his shoulder in an attempt to comfort. A blush crept its way to your ears as you watched the teacher lift the child to his feet. Already visualizing Kevin pointing an accusing finger toward you, you felt the ground being ripped from beneath your feet.

Kevin stuttered, hardly understanding a word he blubbered, “"She-he sma -ah-acked muh-muh-muh-me.”

“Is this true?” The teacher questioned, quite stunned to think a quiet student as yourself would ever do such a thing, but in the teacher’s defense, she was unaware of the turmoil Kevin continuously put you through. Frozen stiff, your eyes enlarged in evident fear, swallowing the lump in your throat trying to gather words, but had not had the chance to speak when someone unexpectedly spoke up on your behalf.

“I-I did it, Misses Kim.”

Those were not your words.

Those were from the little boy who feigned being ashamed as he locked his hands behind his back, staring at the ground. His bottom lip jutted out to add to the effect and all you could wonder was what this insane boy was doing. His eyes met yours for the first time when he raised his head, let me handle it, he pleaded with you before returning to Miss Kim. “He called me a bad word so I… I hit him.”

“Oh, Jeongguk.” Miss Kim sighed. “I am extremely disappointed in you.”

“Bu-But!” Kevin blurted, but the teacher continued.

“The two of you will have to see the principal. I’ll phone both of your parents as well,” she straightened her frame, leading the two boys toward the school while you remained sticker shocked. Jeongguk, head casted downward, slipped his small hands into his pockets, and to this day, you still could not believe the bravery he had. Jeongguk was your hero in that moment years ago and risked his school record for a girl who was verbally bullied by some petty kid who has nothing better to do than bring others down.

Jeongguk hadn’t known you that well back then and he still took the blame. In fact, that was the day nearly seven years ago when your heart leaped every time you would see him walking the hallways. He and Kevin were let off with a warning by the principal and you hoped that Jeongguk would become your friend after his stunt, but unfortunately, it had never happened and he was switched to a different class, so they could keep him, and Kevin separated to prevent further troubles if any were to happen. And as humiliating as it is to admit it, you remember crying when you discovered he wouldn’t be in your class for the rest of the year which kept you from ever being able to thank him for sticking up for you.

Now at fourteen, you watch him from a distance wishing life would bring him to you as it did when you were eight. Jeongguk, focused, kicks the soccer ball again where it soars into the goal, the net rebounding the ball back onto the ground. He stands in awe, breathing heavily as he bows forward to place his hands on his waist- hair swooping over his eyes, probably annoyed that Kevin isn’t there to witness the success. I believe in you, you want to whisper to the breeze hoping miraculously that your encouragement would reach him, but instead, you bite the corner of your lip nervously. Of course, Kevin is the current star of the soccer and tennis teams, and he is still the jerk you always knew him as. And, since it has been a solid seven years since the incident from elementary school, between the two boys it has been forgotten.

You jump when your phone buzzes harshly against the metal of the bleacher to see it is a text message from your dad of his arrival. From your peripheral vision, Jeongguk’s head shoots up to see you scrambling to compile your books into your backpack, eventually jogging to where your dad typically parks. Praying under your breath, you hope Jeongguk isn’t watching you, or finding you weird for sitting out there alone, or here you go overanalyzing absolutely any situation involving him… Again. Heart thudding in your temples, you hope the lad isn’t embarrassed if he were to think that you happened to witness the situation with Kevin earlier on the field. If only Jeongguk knew how much you want to support him.

Flinging the car door open, you roughly seat yourself inside.

“Whoa there, Kid. Someone’s in a hurry, eh?” Your dad’s deep voice greets you as he chuckles. Exasperation forms into a sigh, so you shut your eyes momentarily.

“Sorry dad, I just want to go home.”

“Alrighty then, but you’re okay though, right?”

“I am.” You promise in a murmur, shifting to face the window where the countryside zips past. Your father always knows when to let you have your time to yourself which is something you have always appreciated. Plus, you haven’t found the courage to talk to him when it comes to the topic involving boys. As protective as your father is, you know better than to bring it up.

Upon the arrival of home, a small house, fit for a family of three is nestled in a quiet suburban area where the neighbors respectfully tend to themselves and there’s hardly any space to run which you happen to not mind. To your pleasant surprise, your mother greets you and your father at the door. The smell of food wafts prompting your mouth to water.

“You’re home early!” You say cheerfully whilst your mom pecks the side of your forehead.

“A lot of staff today, so they sent me home.” She smiles as she turns to finish preparing dinner. Your parents have always been wonderful at conversation which you are highly grateful for, and once dinner is served, you help set the table before taking a seat across from your mother. Your father sits in the chair to your right. Each of you speak on how your days have gone which your parents enjoy hearing things are going well on your end. Though you normally tell your parents everything, especially your whereabouts when you’re hanging out with a friend, one thing they are not aware of is your distant crush on Jeon Jeongguk. At times, you almost confess to your mom, hoping she can give you some advice, but the other factor that comes into play is that you and he aren’t… friends really, just acquaintances which others may find bizarre as to why you are so infatuated with him. But you want nothing more than to be his friend if that’s all it takes.

"So,” your mother’s voice breaks the brief silence, dispersing any thoughts involving Jeongguk. “Now that you are finally in high school, you know, one step closer to being an adult…" She pauses. “Have you been thinking about colleges yet?" Mom stabs at her salad with her fork, the plate clinking beneath each jab. Pausing mid-chew, eyes wide, her question catching you off guard; you can feel your dad's stare as he remains silent.

"Well," you say reaching to take a sip of water. "I mean, it's a little too soon to tell right now… I think. Maybe." Stuttering, you nervously crumple a napkin in your hand.

When an excruciatingly few more minutes, pass with the same awkward silence, your mom chuckles. "I'm just messing with you. I’m not ready for my baby to grow up!"

"Oh, my goodness, mom, you scared me!" You reply in obvious relief noticing your dad's shoulders shake as he tries to contain his laughter. "She had you there for a minute."

When dinner is finished, after some more frilly laughter, you help with the dishes before running to your room. You shut the door behind you in anticipation for the warmth of your bed covers. It doesn’t take long to put on pajamas after brushing your teeth and once your frame tangles into the comforter, you feel better. The memory of the very first day of high school filling your mind until you drift to sleep.

{15}

Summer break always brings a loneliness that you dread especially in sleep when nothing, but the images of Jeongguk’s face haunt you in the sweetest way. How is it that a student, meaning you, counts down the days until they see their crush again? How is it that you actually enjoy being at school because it means Jeon Jeongguk? You get it. It’s not normal. It’s not normal for a teenager to beg for time to pass swiftly just to roam the halls of school again.

When you find yourself entering your first class to begin your second year of high school, your stomach flips immediately which increases your heart rate at the sight of Jeongguk. For the first time since children, you now share a class together which means you will see him up close every day versus a far distance between the bleachers and the field. Refraining from smiling giddily like the maniac you want to say you are, you bow your head as you find a seat to descend into. A seat that rests beside a girl with faded purple strands and kind eyes. She doesn’t seem familiar, so you figure she is new to the school.

Flitting your stare, you see the way a boy with dark hair gazes at the girl before taking his seat. At some point in a span of a few minutes, you learn that his name is Jimin, and her name is Monnie. Something about them makes you smile; it is as if they have a chemistry that is so obvious that even grown adults in established relationships would be envious of the bond they share. If only you could say that about Jeon Jeongguk… But that would require interacting with him. Which then requires bravery. And that is something you do not know how to collect without humiliation following close behind it.

Weeks pass further into the school year. The more you keep your ears alert, you tune into conversation between the new classmates as well as the whispers in the hallways involving them. Park Jimin is not only a fellow classmate of your first subject but started attending the drama club alongside Monnie. It is rumored that Jimin starred in a childhood movie that used to be popular. And if you heard correctly, Monnie was in the movie also which is how the two initially met. Jeongguk, who you have noticed has been adopted into their friend group, smiles widely at the couple and plants himself comfortably into the chair behind Jimin while they giggle about something you didn’t quite catch.

Trying not to gaze too long at the trio, you remember last week Jimin, and Monnie were trying to convince Jeongguk to join the drama club because he always had a passion for acting which is something new that you learned about him. Jeongguk seemed uncomfortable from what you gathered, but your heart bloomed with the hope that he would show up to the scheduled times the club usually meets. Would this be the year that he changes his mind? And why was he so nervous? If acting is his passion, why not give drama club a chance?

It is a typical Monday morning, one you did not anticipate, after organizing your wardrobe in the order of favorite outfits you plan to wear for the week. A strange urge to style your hair and paint on a bit of makeup surprises you, but you woke early enough to make it happen, and you throw on your first favorite outfit of the week. You feel oddly confident in yourself for reasons you haven’t quite figured out. Regardless, you roll with it. Is this a way to see if Jeongguk will notice you for once this morning?

Well, he doesn’t.

Maybe if you busy your mind with something else it will help. So, you do. Doodling along a piece of notebook paper shielded by your binder, you are tempted to write his initials within the hearts you’ve drawn but resist. With your luck, the teacher will catch you and read the drawings in front of the class. Then, your crush will be made known. A crush that he may dismiss or be confused by since neither of you talk. Sometimes, you just wish he simply knew you existed.

Drama Club becomes your primary focus once you near the end of your final class of the day. Mrs. Lee already passed the scripts for Romeo and Juliet last week for everyone to study. Today is the day she will have the students read their parts aloud. When the bell rings, you fumble through your backpack until your fingers grip the side of the play and as the anxiety starts to flutter within your stomach, you gulp.

The walk isn’t far, but your steps halt, tongue mutes, and sweat beads form along the line of your forehead the moment your gaze briefly meets the eyes of Jeon Jeongguk. He’s here!? In drama club? He decided to join after all!? Jimin who happens to be sat beside Jeongguk, nudges his shoulder to show him a funny video on his cellphone which disrupts you from your reverie. Did Jeongguk just catch you looking at him?

Your mouth feels dry at this point, and you hurriedly find a seat four chairs away from him to figure out how to steady your breathing. You thought you were anxious before, but the clammy feel of your palms on top of quivering fingers show that it escalated the moment your eyes met. How can someone have this much of a hold over you unintentionally? None of this makes any sense to you, but there is something about this human being that drives you mad.

Your bag slips to the ground by your side while your eyes glue to the script before you. The words of Mrs. Lee echo in the room once everyone arrives, but you are so muddled you hardly grasp what she is saying. All you know is that you are assigned to be the narrator which is easy for you to find because your part is in italics mostly. And then, you silently breathe a slow sigh of relief when Jeongguk is introduced to everyone by Mrs. Lee, and she assigns him the part of Paris since one of the students originally assigned is out sick.

You feel relief because that means Jeongguk isn’t going to be assigned Romeo. And that is because you aren’t assigned Juliet. The last thing you want is to see him, although acting, face to face with another girl. It would hurt and you don’t have time to be hurt. Even though it is you hurting yourself.

One thing you did happen to observe is how timid Jeongguk became when he was introduced as the new addition to the drama club. Is he really that shy? Or did he seem like he didn’t want anyone to know that he is going to be a part of the club in itself?

Unfortunately, he still gets taunted by Kevin which tears your heart into pieces, but Kevin wouldn’t cause him any hell over this right? Drama club isn’t even embarrassing, so why would Jeongguk be embarrassed? Are his parents against him having a passion to become an actor? Maybe it’s a family thing he is worried about.

You really overthink too much; you scold yourself inwardly.

{16}

College planning becomes the ultimate priority when entering the final year of high school. You even gained a friend in a sweet girl named LenLen whose sleek, black hair is tossed behind her shoulders while she concentrates on the task at hand. Last year happens to be a blur, and you spent the summer hanging out with LenLen, but keeping your secret about Jeongguk buried until you feel it is safe to bring it to life.

Speaking of Jeongguk, he hardly came to drama club all last year until the very end when he became even closer to Jimin and Monnie. They must have done an excellent job encouraging him because he doesn’t want the entire school to know that he loves to act, and it shows, yet he attended much more than you expected the final months of the last semester. What is he so afraid of? You still haven’t figured it out.

Rubbing your fingers along your forehead in exhaustion, jittery nerves bundle at your fingertips as your eyes burn from staring at the computer screen too long. LenLen asked if you would meet her at the library after class to apply for colleges, and she is typing away at the keyboard while you take a mini break.

There is only one college you have your heart set on the second you discovered it over the summer, and the only college you want to attend:

Konkuk University.

It is the top college you can attend to pursue a degree in acting. The constant talk of colleges amongst the teachers have reminded students to start preparing for where they will want to go to begin their dream careers. Your parents have been doing research along with you to colleges you can apply for, but Konkuk seems to be where you want to go. Where you feel, you are destined to go. The excitement of even applying to Konkuk seems to be the only thing on your mind.

Promising LenLen you will save her a seat in the cafeteria, you click off Konkuk’s website, sling your backpack over your shoulder and rush to make it to the lunch line. She arrives around ten minutes later, sitting across from you as your lunch trays almost collide. It’s as if your peripherals pick up her presence, but your pupils do not leave the sight you cannot believe you are seeing.

Jeongguk must have gained a new friend too because there he is entering the cafeteria alongside Kevin and his clique. Whatever Kevin said to impress Jeongguk is beyond you, but who in their right mind would see Kevin as a good guy? He has bullied so many people, yet Jeongguk gave him a chance to redeem himself. Or at least, that is what you are trying to tell yourself. You are stunned by the revelation that you almost miss the statement LenLen makes.

“I see you staring.” She smirks, kicking at your shoe as an equivalent to elbowing you if she wasn’t sitting across from you. You can’t help the way your eyes enlarge in response.

“Wha- what do you mean?”

Winking, “I think you know exactly what I mean.”

Shifting your stare towards Jeongguk, you want to cringe at the thought that somebody has figured out your secret. Or maybe you want to cringe because you have made it way too obvious. You decide to play dumb.

“Wh-who?”

“Kevin, silly! You haven’t stopped staring at him all day!”

Oh, the way your jaw drops so quickly and abruptly. It’s as if you are offended because in all honesty, you are. But LenLen is nowhere near at fault for that. Kevin just has no chance with you even if he is to be the last man on earth.

“Kevin!?” You manage to say with your voice cracking. “You think I’m looking at Kevin!?”

She swiftly examines the group of guys just to shrug. “Well, who are you looking at then?” Looking down at your food, which you have been nibbling on, you quickly start eating it again. LenLen gets the point and doesn't press any further. "Well... Whoever it is, just talk to him!" Though her intentions are genuinely pure, it’s easier said than done. You still haven’t worked up the courage to approach him. It has been years that you have known his existence, yet you haven’t said a word to him to try and introduce him into your world.

Months disappear into time and the one day you miss due to being sick is of course a day where one of your teachers passed out a test. So, guess where you are today? Staying after school to make up a test. Once turned in, Mr. Von leaves in a hurry, but you don’t immediately text your dad to be on his way. Instead, you shuffle through your backpack to find the script for A Midsummer Night's Dream to quickly highlight your lines to give yourself some quiet time.

Hearing footsteps reverberate in the hallway, a chirpy whistle is keeping up with the beat of each step. You keep your focus unbroken and manage tuning out the sounds. You do catch, however, the footsteps passing the open door, halting, to then backpedaling as if the person notices you are in the classroom.

“Hey there!” The deep voice is as happy as the melody he had been whistling, but there is something familiar about the sound of his voice. “Y/N, right?”

“Yes!” You reply faster than you mean to, and once your eyes lift to the figure before you, there is a moment where you want to run, but also a moment that makes the world around you disappear into the depths of your brain cells. Jeon Jeongguk. The person who entered the classroom is Jeon Jeongguk. Holy shit.

What do you say? How do you speak? Where do you begin? How do you begin if there was never a beginning? How do you breathe? How do you blink? How do you stand? How do you walk? How do you act normal? How do you even even?

“I’m Jeongguk,” he offers his hand, and then you must coax yourself to shake it, but even then, you are questioning how you reach your hand forward to slap palms and shake his hand.

“Nice-nice to meet y-you.” You force your biggest smile, but that feels awkward. Amazed, you can’t believe you’re even audible when speaking because your voice is coming out so quiet. You are nervous meaning you’re either going to be too loud or too quiet.

He nods. “You did great today by the way… Playing Titania.” One thing you have gathered about Jeongguk this year so far is that he has become so outgoing compared to previous years of knowing him. He is one of those guys who will talk to just about anybody and knows how to keep a conversation going. If only those were skills, you developed because you just make things plain awkward.

“And you did wonderful playing Oberon.” The blush heats upon your chest and cheeks while you return the compliment. Can your heart pound any harder? Any faster? You figure he is bringing this up in general because Mrs. Lee plans on quizzing everybody on their lines in preparation for the play. Your eyes trail him from the tips of his shoes to the handsome curve of his chin, and you hate the affect he has on you even over a small conversation.

Why is he so attractive?

The silence is smothering, but he holds a soft grin as he turns to lean against a desk behind him. “Thank you.” He murmurs, shoving his slim fingers into his pockets. Why does he seem so distant suddenly? Does this mean you leave? Why leave when you have waited to magically be alone with him for years just to be able to obsessively write in your journal every single detail you remember of sharing your first real conversation with Jeongguk? Goodness, you need help. He’s just a guy. But you know very well that trying to chalk this up as ‘no big deal’ isn’t going to work. Because him standing before you is, indeed, a big ass deal.

Jeongguk clears his throat. “I know this is random, but you seem very passionate about what you do. Have you ever had a dream that you were uncertain about? Like… you knew that it was exactly what you wanted to do, but you were scared maybe… it was too good to be true?”

Looking down for a moment, you know what he is saying. Everyone has experienced this a time or two in their life. Possibly even more. Chasing dreams can be scary, but that’s what makes it rewarding. He's obviously talking about acting. And from the past few months of the drama club, Jeongguk really has it in him. He really can act. Every line he's ever given, he's always shown the right amount of emotion. Each character he's given to portray, he knows exactly what to do and how to depict that character in the most beautiful way. He hardly ever receives criticism from Mrs. Lee, and he receives tons of standing ovations for his outstanding performances from his peers and you know deep down an audience will follow behind in his future.

You can never understand why he's always been so ashamed of his talent. Who cares what anybody thinks? Especially Kevin. Nobody cares about him, nor his thoughts anyway. So, why should Jeongguk? After a second, you realize he's still waiting for you to speak.

Deciding to take this opportunity, you give him some advice. If anything, maybe it will help him. Possibly stick with him for the rest of his life. Now that would be too good to be true. You just need to try. You’re so tired of him being ashamed of the drama club. He should never be ashamed of his talent. Or himself.

"Jeongguk..." Wetting your lips before you continue, you try desperately to gather your words. "Don't ever be afraid of chasing your dreams. You know you can do it, so why are you afraid of what other people think?" He looks at you, lips parted, his brown eyes deeply searching yours. "You know you're good enough to make it. So, go for it. I mean it." You know you’re coming off a little stern, but it's time for him to know the truth about how you feel. Even if it’s only the brim of the whole damn truth. "You are so talented, Jeongguk. I always wish I could perform like you; convey emotion as you do with every character you're given."

He grins shyly, leaning off the desk and reaching over to give you a side hug. "You know, I have never heard you talk this much before!" He pulls away, his eyes never leaving yours. "Thank you. That means so much.”

"Hey.” You murmur softly. Unintentionally yet boldly, you pinch his chin gently between your fingertips to keep his gaze from faltering. “Don't be afraid anymore, Jeongguk. Okay?”

Sincerity fills his eyes as you give him a terse nod. Knowing your dad is probably waiting for you outside at this point since it has been too long for you to not text him, you collect your bag and duck out of the classroom, your heart still pounding as if you just ran a marathon.

Either way, you’re thankful. Giddy, even. That's the first time you and Jeongguk have held a conversation, and that's the very first time you've ever told him what you think of him and his many talents. The only thing you left out was the never-ending crush you've had on him because now is not the time to reveal something that most likely wouldn’t make any sense to him. Sometimes, you don’t fully understand how deep your feelings for him go.

And that is okay with you.

The Friendship Phase

{17}

Familiarity in the form of heated bleachers against the skin of the bottoms of your legs bring a subtle comfort while your eyes scan the pages of the book assigned in literature class. With only a few months away from graduation, there is also the spring play to look forward to in a span of a few weeks yet the only thing you can genuinely rejoice about is the newfound friend you have in Jeon Jeongguk.

Yes, you thought that correctly.

You are now friends with Jeon Jeongguk which obviously deepened your feelings stronger than you ever thought possible. Shifting your mind, you scope the endless colorful, sticky notes sticking out of all sides of this book. You have always taken your studies seriously which is something your parents are very proud of, but sometimes you are exhausted.

Sounds of enthusiastic footsteps pounce along the metal bleachers which captures your attention to look up. “Hey, y/n,” your heart melts as Jeongguk’s bunny grin includes a brief wave of his thin hand.

“Hey there.” You coo even though you didn’t mean to coo. Jeongguk plops next to you leaning into you swiftly to then stretching his long legs on the empty bleacher in front of him. “I heard Jimin pranked you earlier.” Jeongguk shudders but in a humorous way at your random statement.

“And they just had the audacity to film the whole thing.”

“You have the best reactions, and you know it.” You can’t help but chuckle with him as he shakes his head. With one hand, he ruffles his bangs, his smile staying intact.

“I’ll get him back.”

“When-”

“Nobody knows. It could be today, tomorrow or Friday the thirteenth.”

Teasingly, you roll your eyes. “Well, I’ll believe it when I see it.”

He elbows the side of your ribs prompting you to snicker at him. After a moment, the silence only lasts shortly while Jeongguk eyes you curiously. “Have you applied to Konkuk, yet?”

You remember the eagerness you felt last night once it was completed and submitted. “Applied last night, have you?”

His dream has also been Konkuk University which you had no idea until months earlier when the friendship blossomed. Acting comes in handy especially at a time like this because hiding feelings from the one person you’ve been infatuated with since elementary school might burn the chance of him staying in your life. If a friendship is all he wants from you, then a friendship from you he will have no matter the pain.

“Of course!” Jeongguk’s enthusiasm shows in his voice as he stares out onto the soccer field and the bright, blue sky. “We will have to celebrate!”

Smiling, you shake your head at his optimism with the hope for this dream to come true remaining. “Jeongguk, I don’t even know if I’ve been accepted, yet!”

“I have no doubt,” he reaches over and pats your shoulder, inwardly making your heart skip a beat. It’s then the familiar buzz of your phone reminds you of your father’s arrival to pick you up and though you love your father, it takes everything in you not to groan. If you could sit here with Jeongguk forever, you would.

“Thank you, Guk.” You say, nudging his shoulder with your own as you move to stand to your feet. His eyes always show a serenity when you use the nickname you gave him. It happened randomly but also naturally as if he has been your friend longer than he actually has. Jeongguk looks up at you, positioning his head where the sun isn’t shining in his eyes.

“What are you doing later?” You wonder, hugging your binder to your chest after slinging your bookbag over your shoulder.

“I’m practicing dance moves with Jimin and Monnie. There are a few moves they’ve been struggling with, so I offered to help.”

Auditions for the spring musical were a few weeks ago, and already being assigned roles, everyone in the drama club has been practicing nonstop in preparation for the play. Jeongguk stands to his feet leaning backward to stretch. “You can come if you want to,” he insists, standing straighter. “I’d love for you to join.”

Though disappointment fills you (because when do you not want to be with Jeongguk), you remember your mom is planning on cooking dinner tonight, and you need to study not only for a quiz on Friday but study the couple lines you have for the musical as well as the songs of choice. “I can’t tonight, but I’ll catch you tomorrow?”

“I’ll catch you tomorrow.” Guk raises his arms in the air, pulling you into a tight hug. As the both of you sway from side to side, you take in the faint smell of his cologne, his smooth chin resting against your forehead. It takes everything in you not to move to kiss him but then you remember that you’ve never been kissed. Pulling away slightly, you notice the atmosphere change, as if a nervous tension has made its appearance between you two. Slowly lifting your head, you see Jeongguk’s ajar lips first before he swallows. Refraining from scrunching your eyebrows, you have no idea what to make of this moment with his arms still wrapped around you.

Is there more that he wants to say?

Abruptly, as if lightning has struck, Jeongguk presses his lips ever so softly on your reddening cheek. Eyes wide and heart ramming against your sternum, you don’t even have time to react before he sprints off. Your fingertips touch the tingling spot of your cheek and now you will be counting down the minutes until you get to see him again.

The practices for the musical are building excitement for everyone in the drama club. The adrenaline rush of performing in front of a live audience along with the impact of the music when everyone’s voices join in loud harmony; the dance moves growing more in sync with every practice, the pure joy of getting to share this dream with people considered your second family; absolutely all of it gives everyone something to look forward to and you wouldn’t change that for the world.

Turning the page to your wrinkled script, you briefly study the highlighted lines. The air outside has warmed, the cloudy day giving off a strange feeling as you try to focus on the words in front of you.

Instead of pouncing feet, this time the footsteps are slower, heavier, dragging even. Curiosity mingled with concern fills you as you turn to see a quiet Jeon Jeongguk who is eyeing the ground, hands in pockets, pink lips in a straight line, walking to take a seat next to you. Furrowing your eyebrows, you’re surprised at his sudden change in demeanor. You haven’t seen him like this in a while.

This morning he was all smiles and dancing his little jigs down the hallway whenever it was time to go to class. At first, you’re at a loss of what to say, and when Jeongguk, finally meets your gaze, he swallows a lump in his throat.

“Something’s going on with Monnie and Jimin.” He murmurs, concern evident in his features. He scratches at his knee then slips his slim fingers into his pocket. Shock fills you.

“What!?” Replaying the day's events, it’s hard to keep up with Jimin and Monnie during the school day versus seeing them at drama club. Observing Guk, worry remains in his expression.

“Jimin won’t tell me what’s going on, but he’s been upset all day.” He chews the side of his cheek, his eyes zoned out in front of him.

“Have you spoken to Monnie?” Now realizing, the two of them haven’t texted in the group chat in a while, and you beat yourself up for being so oblivious.

Jeongguk shakes his head slowly, meeting your eyes. “She dodges me and Jimin every time we try to catch her attention.” Running a hand through his dark hair, he lets out a long sigh through his nose. All you know is whatever is going on is not good. Jimin and Monnie are crazy about each other whether they will admit it or not.

“What about practice? When’s the last time you all got together for that?” Bringing your hand to your mouth, you can’t help gnawing on your nails, anxiety for your friends rising. Also, Jeongguk has been practicing dance moves with them a lot recently; with Jimin, playing the prince, and Monnie, playing the main fairy, which are the lead roles, practice for them is imperative.

“A few days ago.”

“And everything was fine then?”

“Yeah.” Jeongguk is so quiet that you barely hear him. Your heart breaks, not only for the sadness of this situation. Without thinking, you set your stuff to the side, scooting closer to him, leaning your head against his shoulder. Your heart thumps within you at your sudden gesture, and self-consciously wondering what he may have thought of it. To your surprise he leans his head against yours, his warmth bringing peace after hearing the news about his friends.

Selfishly, you’ve daydreamed about his kiss from the other day, but now you can’t even bring yourself to smile about it giddily as you’ve been. Until Jimin, Monnie and Jeongguk are okay, you aren’t going to feel okay.

Inwardly, you hope everything works out for the two of them. They are beautiful souls made just for each other; and whatever is going on, you hope it doesn’t last forever. Staring at the sky, Jeongguk and you don’t speak, just sit comfortably in the silence. You can’t help but shove the fear aside- the fear of losing him. The past few months have been nothing, but you and him: becoming closer, encouraging each other, dreaming of your futures as well as the mutual excitement of hopefully attending the same college, dancing together, singing at the top of your lungs purposely missing notes, meeting at your favorite spot on the bleachers (your everyday routine) until your dad picks you up; it has been the most magical few months you’ll forever be thankful for. You just can’t imagine the two of you ever losing touch, and you don’t want to.

Still cuddled up on his shoulder, you look down to see how near his hand is to yours. The back of his hand is so close that the desire to intertwine your fingers with his is hard to ignore. Swallowing, the nerves build within you, contemplating on if you should just do it and see what happens, or not do it for the fear of rejection. The second you slightly move your hand even closer to his, your phone buzzes.

Jeongguk lifts his head in response, unaware of your almost gesture, and looks toward your phone. “Is that your dad?”

“Yeah,” you sigh, not in frustration, but more of disappointment only because you’re not ready to leave Jeongguk. Meeting his eyes, he gives you a silly grin.

“Well, I will see you tomorrow. I’ll update you if Jimin tells me what’s up.” Jeongguk stands along with you as you turn to stuff your notes in your bag. “In the meantime, I think I’m going to go kick some ball with Kevin and his friend Shownu. Namjoon and Hoseok may be joining, too.” As soon as you zip your bag up and sling it over your shoulder, Jeongguk wraps you in his arms. It is a tradition, you have noticed, that you both do before you leave to meet with your dad.

“I hope you have fun,” your voice is soft, savoring every second of his embrace. You get one more squeeze, nodding once when you both pull away. “Wait!” You spew the moment Jeongguk starts to turn on a heel. If you can’t hold his hand yet, then you will return his gesture from what feels like forever ago. A gesture the pair of you haven’t talked about… yet. On your tiptoes, your palms greet his shoulders, and you plant the sweetest kiss you can on his cheek. He is just as stunned as you are, but you do not give him time to react.

You jog up the bleachers toward the direction of your dad’s parked car. The ride home goes by fast because your mind is on full blast. Dad and you make small talk, but you don’t remember it because all you can think about is how soft Jeongguk’s skin felt against your lips.

As soon as the car parks in the driveway, you immediately run to the mailbox trying to force a distraction. Because did Jeongguk like it? Will he think you’re crazy? He kissed you so why couldn’t you kiss him back? Is he going to act weird about it tomorrow? Will he say anything?

You dissipate the thoughts by roughly shaking your head and return to the squeaky sound of the lid to the mailbox opening. Ever since applying to Konkuk, it’s been your number one priority to check the mail after school each afternoon. With already anxious fingers, you peek inside the dim, small space. A large, white letter outstands the rest of what you assume is junk mail and the panicky jitters swarm in your stomach.

Reaching for the largest letter, you see your name in bold letters, a smile forming on your lips as excitement fills you. Running your eyes to the corner of the letter, there in the most beautifully typed font reads:

Konkuk University.

When school starts the following morning, you’re all smiles as you tuck the unopened letter in one of your folders and settle it into your backpack. If there’s anyone in the world you want to open this letter with, it’s Jeon Jeongguk. Sitting in the first few classes nearly drives you mad as the nerves build with every second. Not just nerves involving whether you have been accepted into your dream college or not, but nerves from the kisses. They weren’t on the lips, but kissing someone’s cheek is just as much of a big deal, right?

You carefully scan the crowded hallways between each class period, trying to stay alert for any signs of Jimin or Monnie. You texted Monnie last night to check up on her, but she was very concise with her reply, and you knew it was best to let her be until she feels better. Whatever is going on is her business and you never want to pry.

LenLen was also the next person you texted, letting her know you received your letter from Konkuk. She showed her excitement with all caps and exclamation points leaving you a wide smile before you fell asleep. Despite the college excitement, you also scribbled in your journal about the events with Jeongguk because you wanted to remember that moment for eternity.

Now, nearing the end of the school day, the sun is shining high in the sky as you cling onto the strap of your backpack that seems to live on your shoulder. Heading in the direction of the bleachers to the soccer field, you hear the familiar joyful voice of Jeongguk.

“Y/N! Y/N!” He shouts, and before you can fully turn around, he lifts you in the air and twirls you around in his embrace. You laugh hysterically, watching as he does a little ditty, shuffling his feet in one of his infamous robotic dance moves after setting you down. As soon as he finishes, he rests his hands on your shoulders. “I got accepted! Konkuk accepted me! I am going to Konkuk University!”

“Oh, Guk!” You shout gleefully, crashing into his arms again while he sways you. “I am so proud of you!”

“Did you get your letter?” He gleams, pulling away from the hug, his hands now lingering on your elbows.

Nervously nodding whilst biting your bottom lip, you turn to unzip your bag, pulling out the folder you kept the letter in. “I haven’t opened it, yet.” You admit. A blush creeps on your cheeks. Confusion clouds Jeongguk’s eyes as he looks at you.

“Oh?”

“I wanted you with me.” Holding his eyes, his lips part then relax into a timid grin. With shaky fingers, you thumb at the flap of the envelope, carefully opening it. Your heart pounds loudly as you gulp. Once you free the letter from its thin package, you unfold it slowly, bringing it to your line of vision.

Taking a moment to find the sentence you need to read, your shoulders go rigid, your fingertips are suddenly ice cold as the whole world around you stops. Tears brim in your eyes, as your heart falls to the ground in shattered glass pieces.

To: [Y/L/N] [Y/F/N],

Thank you for your application into our Acting and Arts program as we are very honored for your consideration of us to pursue your educational career path. We are very sorry and regretful to say that we are not able to accept your admission to Konkuk University at this time…

The words blur before you. Your mouth hangs open, but no words are coming out. Every hope and dream you had for attending Konkuk has disappeared along with the excitement you had been feeling since applying. The emptiness in your chest is smothering you, and the worst part is…

“Y/N?” Jeongguk steps forward, worry all over his face as his gentle voice brings you back to the present. Realizing you haven’t said a word, your eyes shoot to meet his.

The even worse of the worst part is, the one person who has finally entered your life; the one person who you dreamed of being by your side through college and hopefully further in life; the one person who you’ve been inseparable with for a short span of time, will be far away. Konkuk is about five hours away from your town, and just the thought of hardly getting to see Jeongguk destroys you.

Tears spill onto your cheeks. You have no words. Bringing a shaky hand to your face, you run. The letter sways in the wind behind you as you choke back a fit of sobs. Guk’s voice calls your name, but it fades in the distance. You run elsewhere. Anywhere that is not you and Jeongguk’s favorite spot; any place where you will not be found.

At least, not until your father picks you up from school.

Devastation overwhelms you as the tears continuously soak your cheeks. All your hopes were set on Konkuk University. And, for the first time in a long time,

you feel stuck.

The covers of your bed have never felt so welcoming as you cuddle further under the comforter. The empty feeling in your chest is prominent as you try to shove the earlier humiliation from your mind. Squeezing the bridge of your nose, heavy footsteps catch your attention.

“Hey…” The deep voice of your dad sounds as he cracks the door open. With red, puffy eyes, you look at him, his sad face showing pity. “Mom and I are heading out to visit your grandma.” It looks as if he wants to invite you to come but knowing the information you received today along with your sloppy appearance, he decides against it. “Just wanted you to know that your mom and I are proud of you. Always. Don’t let this end your hope.” Blinking back tears, you force a grin at your dad’s words. “There’s always an answer. Konkuk just happened to not be it.”

Nodding, a tear slides down your cheek while your dad continues. “Don’t give up, y/n. We believe in you.”

Thanking him hoarsely, your dad gives a nod, closing the door behind him. Minutes drag, and you decide to brush your teeth to rid of the sour taste in your mouth and prepare for bed early. Maybe sleeping will help you escape this misery for a while. Once you’re freshened up, you throw on a pair of yoga pants and a loose T-shirt refusing to look in the mirror at your appearance and trying to enjoy the freedom of not wearing a bra. As you make your way to your bed again, you lift the blankets when the sound of the doorbell makes you jump.

Heart thudding lightly, your eyebrows furrow, sniffing back the excess mucus clogging your nose. Your parents haven’t been gone that long and if they had forgotten something, they would have texted you first. Making your way to the door, you open it. Your eyes enlarge in astonishment when you see Jeon Jeongguk, lips parted, staring into your eyes. Embarrassment flushes through you as your cheeks and chest burn. You know you look awful. You also know that you feel awful. Not a good combination, you scold yourself.

“Hello...” He murmurs. His hands bury in the pockets of his blue and yellow jacket. “Can I come in?” He asks after sixty seconds of silence. Speechless, you nod with a forced grin. Jeongguk steps through the front door then you close it behind him. It’s not the first time he has been to your house; he’s been countless times for homework purposes and drama club practices. You just didn’t expect him at your doorstep at this moment right now. You never dreamed he would show up to see you unexpectedly like a movie.

The two of you hold eyes, regret pooling in your heart. Jeongguk’s arms loosen to then step forward, pulling you into a tight hug. Your body trembles against him from the tears brimming in your eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” You whisper. You are not only sad about not being accepted by your dream college, but you are in pure devastation at the thought of losing Jeongguk. The man you have been longing for since you were eight years old. Why is it that when he is finally in your life, a part of your world, that life wants to strip him away from you again?

“No, no…” He says tenderly, his chest so warm pressed against your cheek. “Please don’t be sorry.”

“I just… I just didn’t know what to do.” You sob. Once you both pull away after your minutes of crying subsides, Jeongguk follows you into your room. The both of you sit on your bed, and his knee brushes your thigh as you two shift comfortably facing each other. Silence drowns the room, but only for a few minutes before you speak. “I’m so happy for you.”

Jeongguk glimpses at you from his twiddling hands, his pink lips form into a sweet grin. He looks as if there’s something he wants to say, but decides against it, returning his eyes downward, his fingers move to play with a piece of lint he finds on the comforter.

Awkwardly, you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and sniff, the emptiness you feel not doing any better. You feel horrible for running off like that; you really are happy for Jeongguk, and you hope he knows that despite your devastation of being rejected by Konkuk. Deep down, you know he’s not angry with you for feeling this way, so why you are overthinking it you don’t know.

“Come here…” He says warmly. Looking up at him in surprise, he moves forward, embracing you once again to you resting into the side of his neck. His warm skin sends those familiar shivers all through your body. How can someone captivate you this much without even knowing it? Without thinking, you whisper.

“I’m going to miss you so much.” Your voice breaks as your chin trembles. “So, so much.”

He moves just enough to meet your eyes again, and his face is so close that you can feel his breath against your chin. Your eyes notice when his lips part, both of you staring without making one sound. You have never been kissed on the lips before, and never in your wildest dreams would you have imagined it to be with Jeon Jeongguk. Butterflies grip you internally as the tip of his nose brushes the side of yours, his eyes closing as you hold your breath.

As smooth as the touch of a flower petal, Jeongguk’s lips press to yours ever so warm and ever so soft making your head spin sporadically. The two of you pull away but only for a second to stare into each other’s eyes, as if he’s asking permission to kiss you again. “You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that.” He smiles so wide; you can hardly conceal the excitement bursting all over your heart that is mending because of him and those words.

The infamous pound of your heart awakes in your temples the second Jeongguk kisses you again. His thumbs stroke your cheeks as your hands grasp his forearms following his lead. As your lips move together, you feel yourself laying back onto the numerous pillows against the bed frame. His body aligns with yours, the material of his jeans thick against your yoga pants. There are no words to describe the happiness igniting within you as you get lost in the feel of his kiss, the way his hair feels between your fingers, the tip of his tongue circling yours, and the way your legs tangle together. This day might have started off in the most horrible way, but Jeongguk knew exactly how to mold that misery into a bliss you never thought you would ever experience.

There are just no words.

His eyes meet yours once more as a beautiful smile spreads upon his face. “I’m going to miss you more.” And with that, he kisses you repeatedly, and you never want this night to end.

Never in a million years.

{18}

The clinking sounds of silverware interspersed with the numerous conversations populate the atmosphere as you rush from table to table refilling drinks or taking orders. It’s hard to focus on the task at hand after being here all day, but you manage to give polite smiles despite the stress of the crowd growing. It’s been several months post high school graduation since you started your full-time job here waitressing, saving up money until you find the right college for you.

Swiftly, wiping your sweaty palms along your apron, you take a quick break to check your phone.

When you have yet to receive a message from Jeongguk, you feel your heart drop in disappointment. Jeongguk left for college a month ago at the end of summer, and though you know his schedule is continuously busy, it’s like him and you have barely been able to speak a word since the two of you said goodbye. Fighting the urge to cry, you set your phone back in your locker and sprint to see if any of your customers’ food is ready.

The job continues to keep your mind busy enough to dismiss the sadness from checking your phone a bit ago, but not busy enough from the memories of your friends. You’ve never missed your friends so much; almost seeing them every single day to never seeing them at all took a toll on you, especially when Jeongguk left.

The final days of your senior year were eventful other than the suffocating exams that consumed everyone’s time studying. LenLen and Jeongguk were the only two who kept you sane through the horrendous time; and now, after finishing the final exam, you make your way toward the front doors of the school, stopping dead in your tracks. Jimin and Monnie are standing a good distance apart; Monnie hugging a binder to her chest, her stiff shoulders apparent as her and Jimin never break eye contact.

“Hey, y/n.” Guk’s voice echoes. When you turn to him with nervous eyes, he looks out the glass doors to realize why you’re silent.

“Oh, shit.” He whispers, grabbing your arm and pulling you to a corner to where you both couldn’t be seen easily. Heart-shattering, you watch as Monnie mouths something to Jimin, even from where you’re standing, you can see tears glistening in both of their eyes. Jimin looks down for a moment, returning his eyes to her, mouthing something in her direction as well. As if the moment was lost, Monnie rushes to a car that pulls up, and you assume it’s one of her parents coming to pick her up.

A memory floods your mind from the previous week, when Monnie, with sad eyes, told you the news that nearly broke you.

“I’m moving back home.” She whispered. Shock overwhelmed you at her statement, being her home is basically a plane trip away.

“What?” Stunned, a tear spilled onto your cheek. “Monnie, no-” you remembered the night the spring musical ended, Monnie left immediately afterward without a word to anyone. Jimin, depression evident in his countenance, leaned on Jeongguk for strength as the mystery of Jimin and Monnie remained. They never told anyone what happened, and if they had it was very vague.

“I know.” She said, looking down to avoid you seeing her cry. Enveloping her in a tight hug, you held her close as she broke into silent sobs, and you refused to let her go until she was ready.

A warm hand intertwined with yours, the memory slips away as you watch Jimin disappear around the corner of the school.

“Do you think it’s because she’s moving?” You murmur. Meeting Guk’s eyes, the both of you share a knowing look of worry, wishing there was something you could do to reunite the couple you two weren’t sure you would ever see again.

“I don’t- I don’t know.” He says softly, wrapping his arm around your waist for comfort.

The memory fades into the evening along with your will to smile. Thankfully, the second closing comes around, you quickly help wipe down tables, tidy up the chairs, and wash dishes before you gather your purse and phone. Refusing to look at your phone screen, you wait for the arrival of your mother to pick you up, wishing you were brave enough to get your license. Although, as soon as you settle in the passenger side, your mom and you make small talk until you both make it to the house.

Running to shower, afterwards, you freshen up with a pair of clean pajamas, soon settling into your room for the evening. Your legs are sore from standing all day. As if on an impulse, your fingers tap along the phone screen and before you know it, you’re dialing Jeongguk’s number. After the long day you’ve had, your heart yearns to hear his sweet laugh, hoping maybe it can bring some healing before you fall asleep for the night.

Chewing on your fingernails, the anxiety rising beneath your chest surprises you. Why are you so nervous? It’s not like you and him are strangers. Before you can scold yourself any further, the sound of his voice snaps you out of your thoughts.

“Hey.” Jeongguk’s voice sounds frantic once he answers on the fourth or fifth ring. Taking note of his heavy breathing, you wonder if he just came back from dance practice, or maybe he went for a jog.

“Hey.” A grin fills your face just at the relief of finally hearing him after what felt like so long. It has been a while since you and Jeongguk have spoken over the phone, and it’s hard ignoring how much you have missed him since his leaving for Konkuk.

“Hey, y/n, I’m so sorry but I can’t talk right now.”

A strange feeling overwhelms you as disappointment knocks on your heart. “Guk, is everything okay? I just feel like we haven’t talked in so long and it’s starting to worry me. I just, I-”

“I know, and really I’m so sorry, I promise I will explain everything later but right now, Jin and I are rushing to the hospital-”

“Wha-?” Shock engulfs you, and you can feel your voice thicken with fear.

“One of our friends just got in an accident.”

Your heart had stopped at his words and your whole body went numb. It’s been a few days, and still Jeongguk’s words have echoed in your mind continually. Swiftly, you asked Jeongguk to update you on everything before the two of you hung up. Of course, he promised, but even now, still waiting, you have yet to hear from him.

Sighing in utter frustration, mostly to yourself for being so selfish, you collapse onto your parade of pillows, pulling up your Facebook app. Just the thought of someone getting hurt tore you up completely. It’s one of those situations where you wish with all your heart and soul that you could help and save somebody from their storms. Then during the healing process, prove to them that they are not alone, and that you will do everything in your power to help them find an escape from their torments.

Turning on your side, you try to ignore the uneasy feeling at the pit of your stomach. You wish misery wasn’t a thing; especially right now, with worry racking your whole brain with everything being unknown. You have no idea if Jeongguk’s friend is okay, and you also don’t know if Jeongguk and his friend Jin are okay, and overall, you think that’s what’s driving you insane the most. How can you be okay if you have no idea if anyone you know is alright?

Scrolling through your Facebook timeline, you try to distract yourself from the inner turmoil of fear threatening to consume you. As if this week couldn’t get any worse, what catches your eye next causes you to sit up. In the picture sits a group of people, all tagged from what looks to be a middle-aged woman who you assume is somebody’s mother, and as your eyes linger over their faces, you pause at the young girl who is smiling contently with Jeongguk’s arm wrapped around her shoulders.

Jeongguk’s arm wrapped around her shoulders.

Blinking back tears, you take in his dimpled grin expression, the one you had fallen in love with over and over again; realization plagues you and now everything makes sense as to why you haven’t heard from him as much. Clicking off Facebook, you decide to deactivate your account as well as the many other social media accounts you have that Jeongguk follows. You don’t even hesitate to block his number. Jeongguk has moved on, and even though you don’t want to accept it, you must. Slinging your phone toward the end of the bed, you bury your face into the comforter letting the thick material muffle the wails as warm tears stream down your face.

{22}

Do people truly move on from a broken heart? Or do they suppress the situation so far in the back of their mind that they eventually numb themselves from the pain of the devastation? Either one could be you, but you haven’t given it much thought in four long years. More like forced yourself not to think about it.

Twirling the cold beverage in your hand, the evident taste of beer pools on your tongue once you take a slow sip. You do not necessarily care for alcoholic beverages, but this brewery in downtown has been a nice place to frequent on lonely Friday nights. A few stragglers take a seat at the bar while the bar tenders’ breeze back and forth to prepare the orders.

You never went to college. Almost did, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t the right thing to do at the time. However, you found a job opportunity to become a prop organizer for sets. Did you go for it? You did, training under a family friend, but held the bitterness of not attending your dream college, so you decided to work on multiple television sets for a couple years until you changed career paths. Instead, you applied for a banking job. You have your own desk at least and a set schedule. You also always have weekends off and the pay is somewhat decent.

Are you happy at the job? Not really but are you content with the job? To an extent. LenLen shoots a brief text with a picture of a meme that makes you smirk to yourself. You are grateful that you have maintained a wonderful friendship with this angelic human being. If it wasn’t for her then you would have never gotten over… Him. But as one may question, have you really gotten over him? You have made it clear to your parents, you didn’t move on because you wanted to, it’s because you had to. He found someone else. You finally accepted that you merely weren’t enough for him. LenLen argues that you should have communicated with him to be sure, but you disagree.

Regardless, you refuse to say his name, or create any social media that puts you at risk from seeing something that will rehash the day you discovered he had someone else. The only human being you have kept up with is Monnie from her movie premieres. She has become a highly known actress since you last saw her in high school- a super successful actress in her career. Subconsciously, you wonder if Monnie was ever able to rekindle her relationship with Jimin now that they are adults, but for now, you cheer Monnie on from the sidelines. She deserves her fame, and you will forever be so proud of her.

LenLen still harps about how cool it is that the pair of you attended school with a celebrity. And you definitely agree. You also hope Monnie’s heart has been mended the way you wish yours would. What is it about losing someone special that can take away so much of you? Sometimes you regret letting the initial pain from four years ago haunt you still. Why can’t you just forget about him entirely?

Your stomach gurgles momentarily to remind you that you need to eat something before you get buzzed. Unfortunately, you aren’t a fan of the food at the brewery, so you plan to run by a drive thru when you decide to head home.

The slide of a full glass of beer captures your attention when the lean fit frame of an individual carefully takes a seat beside you. Do you turn to look? Is it appropriate to stare? Your shoulders tense especially when you smell the crisp scent of cologne. You could smack yourself too because it smells delightful.

You’ve dated here and there, but they were never good enough. LenLen blames it on your past heartbreak, but you assure her that is not the case. At least, you wish it wasn’t the case but here you are. Whoever this person is, smoothly leaning on his elbow to face you, is entering dangerous territory if he is going to smell this enticing.

“Waiting on anyone?” His voice is like velvet when he speaks, and you shift in the stool to eye him curiously. Your heart skips a sudden beat, and you have to fight every fiber of your being to put on your best acting skills.

Black strands are tousled though few are wisping at the corners of his brown irises. An amused gaze stays in his expression and along the smooth, pale skin of his face tilts a gentle smirk with pink lips. He is the most beautiful, exquisite man you have seen in a while. And he chose to plant his rump next to you. Great.

“I’m not.” You timidly bite your bottom lip because what else are you supposed to do? You already want to hide from the heated blush running along your chest, but you remain rooted in your seat.

Relief shows in the form of his dropping shoulders as he breathes a swift sigh. “Good because I’m not as tough as I was trying to look.”

“Nonsense!” You giggle profusely, seeing the way his smile grows into one of comfort.

“No, really. I’m not one to fight, but I was going to throw some hands at any man if it means at least getting your name. Taehyung,” his smile stays intact as he offers his hand. Feeling the warmth of his palm, you are embarrassed when you notice yours is clammy, but Taehyung doesn’t seem to mind.

“Y/N,” you say softly, having a hard time taking your eyes off him.

He seems as though he wants to say something, but he’s so entranced by you that he clears his throat awkwardly instead. “What brings you here alone on a Friday night?” Taehyung takes a sip of his beer.

Shrugging your shoulders, you realize your hand is tightly gripping your glass from the nerves. “Honestly… I don’t know. It’s just a place for me to escape to for a while.”

“Do you… Give me permission to join you? Sometimes escaping is fun if you have a partner in crime.” Hope resonates in his eyes at the question and there’s something about him that you can’t shake. Is this a coincidence? Or is this fate? Will he be the one to mend your heart into what it should be? You aren’t sure, but you will gladly find out.

“Of course,” you smile, and that became the beginning of a new love story. Or so you hope.

{23}

The time we all have been waiting for

One year ago, you met your boyfriend, Taehyung, and one year ago is when you experienced a high you have missed. He was your first everything aside from kissing, and once intimacy became comfortable, it then became addicting. You did learn after a month of courting, that Taehyung had gone through a horrible break up leading to the night you both first met. As much as you would love to admit that you relate to him, you don’t. You want to keep your former love buried deep in the crevices of your mind, so your heart can breathe.

What really piqued your interest in Taehyung was discovering he is a cameraman for movies galore. How crazy is that? You have always wanted a career related to film and acting and here you are dating a cameraman. A successful one at that. His father happens to be a well-known director so part of that has contributed to his career, but you have enjoyed the sets you secretly have gotten to visit whether the movie makes it to the big screen or not.

There’s just… something missing. You cannot seem to pinpoint exactly what it is that’s missing. But something just isn’t there. The guilt eats you alive somedays, but Taehyung has been a dedicated lover and friend, so why ruin what is a decent relationship?

“I’ll be back tomorrow, and by then, I should have more information on where my next job is located.” Taehyung reaches to hold you then plants a soft kiss to your lips. “Behave.”

Snickering, you shove him. “I can’t promise I won’t fuck something up. The cookie jar was just meant to fall off the counter.”

“Pushed.” He corrects.

“Accidentally.”

Taehyung shakes his head teasingly at you while his fingers move to grip your hips. “I want everything intact when I get back, okay?”

“Roger that.” You nod once, letting the next kiss linger. The tip of his tongue greets yours which prompts you to moan.

“I’ll miss you.” He whispers.

“I’ll miss you, too. Let me know when you land.”

You hate the loneliness you feel when Taehyung leaves to travel to his job locations. But you know he must. The pair of you moved in together four months after dating which you know is a bit fast, but he had been so good to you that you couldn’t help but rush it. It’s as if you were chasing a spark, you hoped would remain, but never truly found it. But nobody has to know that but you. You always liked his company because he always stayed so peaceful. You assume that his presence not being in the house makes you feel you might succumb into the sadness you experienced so long ago.

The second Taehyung calls the next morning, you can’t believe the exhilarating news he shares. “Do you remember the girl you went to school with that became an actress?”

Your breathing hitches. “Monnie?”

“That’s the one!” Taehyung beams to the point that you can tell he’s smiling on the other end of the line. “She’s starring in the movie I was hired to help film!”

“Are you serious!? Goodness, it’s been years since I’ve seen her!”

“Well about that...” Taehyung hints, and you steady your excitement.

“Yes? Come on, spit it out!”

“So, they’re doing a table reading of the script while the rest of us crew prepares the sets. And I may or may not have bought you a plane ticket, so you and her can catch up.”

“No way!” You screech. “You mean it? I’m really going to see her!? Oh God, what if she doesn’t remember me?”

Taehyung’s laugh reverberates through the phone. “Of course, she remembers you, and she’d love to see you again. It was her idea to fly you out here!”

“Oh, you tell her thank you so much! …Am I on speaker?” You lower your voice.

“… No?”

“You’re going to get you some of that goody good the second the plane lands you best believe. I’ll even wear a thong.”

Taehyung’s chuckle darkens with lust. “I’ll be ready. I love you.”

“Love you.” You nearly scream, jumping on your bed in happiness. You get to reconnect with an old friend, and maybe being with Taehyung for a bit will strengthen the hope that there shouldn’t be any doubt about this relationship. Scurrying to your closet, you throw all your clothes down to figure out what you’re going to wear and what you’re going to pack.

If only you knew who else was going to be there the moment you arrive.

You’re exhausted by the time the flight ends, but you happily greet your boyfriend who smiles widely at your presence. “There you are.” He coos, pinching your chin before planting a sweet kiss.

“I need some caffeine.” You say, kissing him one more time. “Has the table reading started?”

“It has, but as long as traffic is fine, we may make it on time.”

Throwing your duffel in the back of the rental car, you shuffle to the passenger side letting Taehyung rest his large hand on your thigh. Why aren’t you as excited to see him as you hoped you would be? In all honesty, you’re more excited to see Monnie more than your own boyfriend.

“Hopefully me and Monnie can reschedule if we end up late.” You are disappointed, but it is also not your fault that your flight was delayed by two hours. Taehyung squeezes your thigh while your eyes gaze at the scenery passing by. Taehyung offers to grab you a coffee, but you decline in hopes it will get you to Monnie faster.

Once the car is parked, you, hand in hand with Taehyung, enter the facility and you halt unintentionally when you see a frantic Park Jimin running after who you see to be Monnie who is keeping her gaze downward. Your eyes widen in elation. Have they been in contact this whole time? Then… Why do they look so worried?

You squeeze Taehyung’s hand and whisper, him leaning closer so he can hear you. “I think it’s safe to say that we’re rescheduling.” Taehyung sees the scene as the couple in the distance disappear around a corner and he mouths an ‘Oh.’

“I’ll show you around, then.” He clears his throat, and he unintentionally drops your hand when the pair of you round a corner into where a large table with numerous chairs sits. Few sparse, bundles of people are sharing conversation that echoes throughout the building and when someone starts greeting Taehyung, your eyes scan the room until they stop on an individual whose coffee cup drops right out of his hand in pure, debilitating astonishment.

His shoulders shudder in embarrassment, but your heart is racing so fast, you are not sure if you are breathing. How is this possible? How is this real? Someone with blue hair beside him rushes to clean the mess, but you can’t run because your boyfriend is only a few inches from you, yet you back away slowly to try and calm yourself. You feel lightheaded as if you are in a torturous dream, especially when you catch his eyes again that are equally enlarged with disbelief.

“J- Jeongguk?”

7 years earlier…

Jeongguk smiles triumphantly at the director of the college who unfortunately sent your letter of acceptance to the wrong individual who happened to share the same name as you. Jeongguk couldn’t be more thankful to solve this mistake, and to celebrate, he has been working two part time jobs on top of juggling his college classes to save up money to purchase a necklace he has been dying to get you since he moved to Konkuk University.

He knew something wasn’t right that you didn’t get accepted into Konkuk when your grades should have reflected how hard working of a student you are. Secretly, he made it a pact to get to the bottom of it, and now that he has, he cannot wait to share this news with you. You can either start classes this coming spring or start completely the following year and Jeongguk will remain by you every waking moment. Even if it’s mostly over phone for now.

He misses you more than words can say, and the exhaustion that plagues him continually is no help on the nights he’d rather stay up talking to you. He does feel guilty on the other hand that he hardly has been able to text much due to his doting schedule. Seokjin, a friend he gained, who has been a much better colleague than Kevin, greets him at the library where they plan to study.

Jeongguk has made acquaintances too, one being a guy with blue hair named Yoongi and the other being a girl named Sun Hee who Jeongguk believes is Yoongi’s girlfriend from the way they interact. What Jeongguk didn’t expect after gradually introducing the small group in his life is the accident that ensues that leaves Yoongi injured and in the hospital.

Of course, you had called right when he finds out the terrifying news that leaves him and a frantic Seokjin scurrying to the car to make it to the hospital. He plans to call you to tell you everything at some point but as the days continue, the nerves involving Yoongi get worse and Jeongguk can hardly focus on anything else but his friend. If anything, he wishes he has you to hold, but he knows it would be impossible for you to make it the five hours to him when you don’t have your license yet. Nor does he want to interrupt your job. Or, upset your dad.

Many students who either have classes with Yoongi, family, or friends of Yoongi’s visit him as he recovers which thankfully has been good news. At one point, Jeongguk walks over to comfort Sun Hee who is still trying to get past the emotional distress of it all, so he wraps a friendly arm around her shoulder before Yoongi’s mom proudly asks everyone to take a picture. Yoongi’s mom wants her son to remember the endless support he has no matter what and Jeongguk grins as the camera flashes before him and Seokjin head back to the dorms to rest.

What Jeongguk doesn’t anticipate is the fact none of his messages deliver when he goes to text you. Heart pounding anxiously, he attempts to call but nothing goes through. But… Why? Of course, he goes to check social media to see you are nowhere to be found, and the confusion muddling his mind is no help. Did you block him?

Seokjin consoles Jeongguk while he scrambles around the room wondering what to do in order to think thoroughly about it all. Did you find someone else? Why did you cut him off? How is he going to tell you about the good news with Konkuk? Seokjin offers for Jeongguk to use his phone, but Jeongguk is scared you would mistake Jin’s number for a scam caller since you obviously do not have Seokjin’s phone number. The pain hovers in his chest while he fights the tears. Was it because he didn’t get a chance to talk to you much?

Jeongguk, months later, pays a visit to your home with hope to see you again, feel your embrace one more time, but is greeted by your dad who lets him know that you are working at a different location and isn’t sure when you will be back. Your father never told you because he knew exactly what you would do, so it’s a secret he keeps safe since he is the one who saw your heart shattered over the boy he is staring back at.

Jeongguk apologizes then visits his parents for a few more days before returning to Konkuk. At this point, the necklace dangles before him once he is in the security of his dorm and tears of guilt drip onto the bed covers. If only he knew how to find you again, he would do anything. For now, he will try and accept that maybe he wasn’t enough for you after all.

{23}

You kept him for years in your every thought, every word you wrote and every pound of your heart. Dancing eyes that glued to your soul the moment he kissed you, and touches as gentle as flower petals loomed all over your skin. His smile haunted you even in times that you begged for it not to and why you are saying this in all past tense is just you trying to hide the truth. He still does. He still resonates with you even as if he never tore your heart to shreds.

You haven’t seen him in almost seven years, yet his memory burns alive as if you physically relive the memories every day. As if his touch is as fresh as it had been the first time, he ever held you in his arms. Why must life be so cruel? To toy with you as if he is ultimately meant to be your forever just to take him away from you repeatedly.

You didn’t give him a chance the last time. You made the choice for him because he found someone else. Why couldn’t he just be yours? Why was he there when you least expected it? Now, every feeling you’ve tried to hide is igniting into the present.

You stand there frozen for a timeless eternity locking eyes with the one man you never thought you would see again. He is just as stunned. You can see it in his eyes and from the way his Adam’s apple bobs at the gulp he swallows. You can tell by the scripts on the table right in front of Jeongguk that he must be casted in this movie, and all you can think through your catapulting thoughts is that you would have found Jeongguk much earlier if you hadn’t run late to the table reading. After all this time, and from the memories of high school, it is clear Jeongguk has finally chosen to follow his dreams, and that, despite the turmoil hounding your chest, you feel a pang of warmth at the realization.

In your peripherals, you remember a very important detail suddenly. What about Taehyung? Instead of turning, your auditory senses pick up your boyfriend still having a conversation with who you assume is a coworker. He has no idea about the stare down going on behind him.

Now, you know why Monnie ran. She didn’t expect to see Jimin here either. Is this the place where love reconnects? Or was your original thought, correct? Is fate just messing with you? Why now? Why couldn’t you be single right now, so this guilt rising in your chest didn’t exist? Why should you feel guilty though? Nothing has happened other than the immense wave of emotions plaguing your entire system. Would that have something to do with it? Holy fuck.

You do not know how you survive the day avoiding Jeongguk the way you do, and Taehyung is starting to get worried about how frantic you appear as if you want to run. Safely getting to the hotel that evening, you don’t even remember how to do your typical evening routine. With how nauseous you feel, you nibble on your dinner trying to assure Taehyung that you are fine.

The second day at the set, Jeongguk could not take his eyes off you and Taehyung, though you do not know, happens to notice how often you and the red headed actor keep sneaking glimpses at each other. This day confirms your assumption that Jeongguk is indeed a part of this movie. You learn from the second table reading, where you get to briefly wave at Monnie when she arrives, that Jeongguk is casted as one out of the seven guys who are hopelessly in love with Monnie’s character.

At one point, Jimin happens to recognize you and sends you a wave as well. You can tell Monnie is also being observant by the way she scans the noticeably awkward way you refuse to interact with Jeongguk. Monnie is aware how close you and Jeongguk were in high school so how come neither of you are acting as if you once were friends?

“Are you okay?” Taehyung, all in his camera gear, leans in and whispers. You hum a ‘yes’ in response, but you can tell he doesn’t believe you.

The third day, you feel how tired you are from the lack of sleep due to not wanting to dream about Jeongguk while your boyfriend is sleeping right next to you, so you tossed and turned until you couldn’t take it anymore. All the stress of seeing Jeongguk is starting to take a toll and when arriving with Taehyung, at one point, you see Jeongguk standing off to the side while a few of the cast members are preparing to film a scene. You aren’t sure where Taehyung went off to, but you gaze at Jeongguk with the longing you wish would stop burdening you. You also wish you could tell Jeongguk how proud you are that he is finally choosing to follow his dreams because as you watch him observing the scene being played out, he looks so lovely that the sadness washing over you becomes intense.

Tattoos adorn his skin now which you find absolutely ravishing. The way he styles his hair is even different from how you remember, and that itching desire starts to build relentlessly. It is then that Jeongguk sees you. An overwhelming feeling that neither of you can explain becomes existent and he holds your eyes as if that’s the only constant keeping him at bay. You try to read his stare while he looks into your soul, yet your feet remain planted for the moment. There is no way that you are the only one who feels this connection. There is absolutely no way. So, why did he choose someone else all these years ago?

Something breaks the gaze because instead of putting on your best, inner actress, you flee to the nearest restroom. The nausea is intense- much more intense than you realize because you are throwing your hair back immediately in preparation for the retching. Nothing really comes up but some bile since you haven’t eaten yet, and now you are breathing steady to calm your nerves.

Sometimes an overwhelming amount of shock and anxiety can do this to you, so you aren’t surprised. You just are grateful that nobody else is occupying the restroom so that you can think. What in the bloody hell do you do? Do you approach him? Do you continue to ignore him? Do you tell Taehyung? The thoughts turn into pacing while you clench your stomach because what the hell are you supposed to do? Jeon Jeongguk is in the same vicinity as you and there is no one else you’d rather… confront for lack of a better term. But is it worth confronting him for all the pain he caused you what feels at this point like a lifetime ago?

Will he even remember? Will he understand why you blocked him from your life? He will just have to because he chose somebody else over you. Whereas you spent majority of your life putting him first. Is this why you feel betrayed deep down? You know ultimately you should have put yourself first which is what you learned before turning twenty-two and prior to meeting your boyfriend. Otherwise, Jeongguk was all that mattered to you.

And he still fucking does.

Gritting your teeth, you rummage through your purse for a small bottle of mouth wash that you keep for emergencies and swish it around your teeth and tongue. You rid of the foul taste and rinse with some water before taking a few deep breaths. You can do this, y/n. Just fake a smile and act as if you are going to be in this movie yourself.

Placing your hand on the bathroom door, you shove it slowly as if you are hiding from someone. Which technically you are but you get the picture. You investigate the hallways that echo a small number of footsteps, so you, in relief, step out into the unknown thinking all is safe. Standing, you can’t remember which direction you came from, so awkwardly you just continue to… Stand there. You decide to reach into your purse for your phone to text Taehyung, but fast steps dissipate your movement.

“Follow me.” A familiar voice halts your heart. He grasps your wrist before you can scream, but it’s not a firm grip, it’s a gentle hold and you jolt your stare to see a hazy view of red hair who leads you into a storage room set off to the side. You should stop him. You should shout. You should fight to call Taehyung. But you don’t. And repentantly- you don’t want to.

Jeongguk kicks the door closed behind him until your back shoves against a wall. Red strands hover over his determined eyes as he breathes heavy, now holding both of your wrists that he pins to the wall. You can’t even respond because your words die in your throat. This is the hottest fucking thing you have encountered, and you will keep that with you till the grave.

There are no words shared, just ajar mouths of panting, but he is so close that you feel his breath brushing your chin. Your body is begging for more of his touch at this point, but you do not move a muscle. It is then that you remember that you are supposed to be mad at him. Yet simultaneously you want to kiss him so bad. He can’t know this though. You have a boyfriend. You must think about Taehyung.

“Let go of me.” You say through gritted teeth even though it destroys your heart piece by piece to even say it. Jeongguk hesitates, but calmly releases his fingers that curled around your wrists and steps back carefully. Your heart is betraying you because you would do anything just to make love with him right here and now, but it isn’t the right thing to do especially with how he broke your heart. And, for the sake of Taehyung’ heart.

Jeongguk turns just to rake thin hands through his hair before he runs a palm along his face. “I don’t know what came over me.”

You do. Because you feel the powerful truth resonating in this very room. You’re hurting over him and he is hurting over you. Neither of you truly know the reasons why.

What is mind blowing to you is how seven years flies by and it is like he was never a stranger. The emotions you’ve suppressed are waiting to burst at the seams as if they would even when he was still in your life. You do not know how this is possible. You know it’s crazy. You know nothing right now makes any sense and you want to scream at the top of your lungs. And, you know even if you were to have gone back to Taehyung, Jeongguk would have done exactly what he is doing now and that is confronting the reality that you both are here. In a place far away from your hometown, you both by some twisted form of fate end up in the same place at the same time. Of course, you are pondering the odds of this, of course you fucking are. All you know is you can’t let Jeongguk hurt you again. Plus, now you have Taehyung.

“I have to go.” You finally say in the deafening silence prompting Jeongguk to turn swiftly to face you where his widened eyes hold the same desperation that you feel. Yet, he is so beautiful. Fuck. Even to this day. He is exactly how you remember but grown out of the boyish charm from high school and into a man. Your heart is pounding through your temples while you take in his features. He’s just so beautiful.

“Please…” He murmurs, stepping forward as if being even closer to you can make all of this add up. “Before you go, just tell me why.”

His statement catches you off guard. Why? What does he mean why? He can see the disbelief written all over your expression which causes him to question inwardly. How does he have the nerve to question your reasons for cutting him off? He knows good and damn well why. He has to.

You feel unsteady briefly, but you are thankful to hear your phone buzzing within your purse which you figure must be Taehyung. Jeongguk understandably gives up accepting that you must have moved on just as you assumed he has.

Reaching for the doorknob with horribly shaky fingers, you pause for a moment collecting enough strength to end this strange yet alluring moment on good terms. “I’m proud of you.” You whisper, Jeongguk’s gaze burning innocently at the back of your head while his heart feels as though it is going to explode watching you leave. “You followed your dreams. There was never a reason for you to be ashamed… Goodbye.”

And with that, you exit the storage room, returning Taehyung’s call to ask him if he can take you to the hotel while you muster with all your strength not to erupt in a pool of endless tears.

A towel is wrapped around Taehyung’s waist as he ruffles his dampened hair. He has talked endlessly about his day (as he should) and the excitement he holds for the upcoming film. You, hair wrapped in a towel, rub on a face mask to cleanse your skin as you wearily stare at your reflection in the mirror. You try so hard to listen to every word your boyfriend says, but you can’t shake any thought of Jeon Jeongguk from your mind.

Vivid flashes of the way Jeongguk pinned you to that wall stirs an unwanted wave of desire through your frame and a reoccurring pain that seems to never find closure. If only he slid his teeth along your bottom lip while slipping his hands into your pants while you whimper his name… If only the emotions from the years of longing for his return continued in breathless kisses and gasping in response to the way his lips would trail your neck… Maybe you could ignore the myriad of questions that have plagued you profusely for all these damned years of wishing, and pleading, and fighting to understand why you can’t just let. Him. Go. It’s like, in a way, a spell has been cast on you whether it’s Jeongguk himself or something that is preventing, almost trying to keep the two of you from being together in the end. But, why?

Maybe the truth is right in front of you. Maybe you don’t want to let Jeongguk go.

Maybe you really just can’t.

Taehyung eventually moves to wrap his strong arms around you from behind while he places feather-like kisses along your neck. “So, I hope you’re enjoying your time here.”

“I am.” You reply softly. His fingers then slide gently into your sweatpants where he finds your clit, rubbing nice and slow while he continues to place tepid kisses. You wish you were becoming aroused, but you can hardly concentrate on the way his lips press to your skin and his fingers slipping into you pumping gently while you squeeze your eyes shut. There are no goosebumps, no moaning, no excitement- just pure sadness.

Because you know deep down what the truth is, but you do not want to admit it. You know what’s missing in the relationship. Taehyung is not Jeongguk and he never will be. It’s the saddest simplicity of an answer. He is not Jeon Jeongguk.

“Hey…” Taehyung’s voice is soft, cautiously releasing his fingers from inside you, he then spins you around. Despite, the face mask covering your cheeks and forehead, Taehyung looks at you lovingly while he reads your eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Hesitant, you reply anyway. “Nothing.”

Taehyung flashes a pointed look because he does not believe you whatsoever. “Are you jet lagged still? …Did I do something?”

“No! …No, I’m sorry. I promise I’m not trying to be gloomy. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Are you sure? Because you have seemed off since you’ve been here. Is it because you haven’t gotten to see Monnie much?”

“I mean yes, I do wish I could see her more, but we have plenty of time. Work allowed me a week off, so I’m not too worried about that.”

“Then what is it?”

Guilt pools in your eyes as you visibly see his concern, but what are you supposed to tell him? Okay, maybe the question doesn’t involve what, but how? “I… don’t know.”

You let him kiss you then even though the cream of the face mask gets all over his skin, too but it somehow makes you giggle. You wish you knew how to tell him, but it is way too soon. What happened earlier with Jeongguk was probably going to be a onetime thing. You keep replaying the whole scene with Jeongguk wishing there could have been a different outcome, but you can’t change the past. And you don’t want to hurt Taehyung who has been nothing but good to you.

Once you finish freshening up, you try having sex with Taehyung to rid of the pain inside your chest, but the remorse is so smothering you hardly can enjoy it. It’s not his fault at all so you give it what you got. Except this time, when you close your eyes, all you can see is Jeongguk’s face and it takes everything in you not to burst into tears.

It's not until the day before your flight that you finally meet with Monnie. Her management rented out a space in one of the fanciest restaurants to ensure privacy from the spotlight so the pair of you could catch up. She embraced you tightly while the scent of peonies greeted your nose. It’s amazing how much the two of you had to catch up on and the endless conversation is exactly what you needed. Sometimes a friendly face helps lighten the load for a little while.

As a surprise, you facetimed LenLen so Monnie could say hello which erupts into bouts of happy squeals from LenLen. Being with Monnie made you forget how famous she actually is, and you are so thankful that she always maintained her humility amongst the fame.

Neither of you mention Jimin or Jeongguk even though you wonder if the question crossed her mind at any point. You also wonder if she kept contact with Jeongguk or if Jimin did since all four of you happened to be in the same place in a different location way far away from the high school all of you attended together. It’s surreal, but maybe not bringing the subject up was a good thing.

Anxiously, you stop by Taehyung’s work to bring him lunch and to go over the time your flight departs tomorrow. Taehyung, who proclaims he has a surprise for you, says he ordered a limousine to pick you up for your ride to the airport. Speechless, you have never ridden in a limo before, and you cannot believe how thoughtful Taehyung has been all week which fuels the devastation when you notice Jeongguk standing adjacent from you. He’s gripping another coffee cup while he speaks with one of the producers.

Did he just hear every word you said? Did he hear that you are leaving to go back home tomorrow?

“I already told Stan where to pick you up.” Taehyung attempts to say but he notices your obvious distraction which has pretty much lasted the entire week you have been here.

“Wh-who? Whose Stan?”

“I just told you, silly, the limo… driver.” Taehyung follows your wavering gaze to see the dark haired actor glimpsing at you for the hundredth time. Is this why you have been acting so strange? Do you know this guy? Taehyung starts to question if you really were with Monnie when you said you were. Or the other times before when you claimed you needed a breather.

An uneasy feeling starts to bud in Taehyung’s chest. “Um…” He leans forward to get close to your ear. “Can we talk?” Taehyung lowkey has noticed the tension ever since the first day he brought you here whenever that actor was around, but thought he was going crazy. Taehyung is typically not the jealous type, but something seems off. Everywhere you were, it seemed this actor followed.

Disrupting your entrancement, you swallow the lump in your throat as your heartbeat spikes. Taehyung just walks swiftly around a corner and unbeknownst to you, Jeongguk has excused himself from the producer to hide away enough to make sure you’re okay. He feels awful to intrude, but he can’t help the strong emotions building within his heart and the indisputable closure he wishes you would give him. Because he never was able to get over you either.

Taehyung is restless as he tries to gather whatever words he can. “Look, if I sound crazy, I don’t care. Something isn’t right. And if I had to guess, it has to do with that actor you keep looking at. So, what is it? Do you know him?”

Your hands glue to your hips while you uneasily try to keep yourself standing from the uncomfortable blow to the chest. Shit. You want to scream. Taehyung caught you and now you don’t even know where to start. “I’m sorry.” You whisper which you are surprised sounds audible, but that’s all you can muster.

“Okay, so something did happen then?”

“No! Taehyung… No, it’s not what you think.” You try to breathe but feel like you can’t from how much your chest tightens.

“Okay well what am I supposed to think? Were you really with Monnie earlier?”

“Yes! Of course, I was!”

“So why are you so distant? If I did something wrong, then I need to know so I can fix it. I also can’t read your mind. Communication is what I need here, y/n.”

“I know this, Tae… I-”

“Okay, then explain. I’m doing all I can to prove to you that I love you. I just need some kind of answer. I’m starting to get really worried, and you know I’m not like this.”

Tears brim because you know deep down, he has done everything for you. You are in the wrong for this and you know it. You do love Taehyung. You really do, but the love for him will never be as strong as the love you had for Jeongguk. The love you know you will always have for Jeongguk. The silence hurts. The emptiness and sorrow you feel for Taehyung… Hurts so deeply.

“Tae…” The tears stream to drip from your cheeks. “I want you to know that I do love you and I am forever grateful for all that you have done for me… I just, um…” You press your lips together to prevent your chin from quivering. You can’t even look your boyfriend in the eyes. You don’t even know how to answer him. How can you? If you were to tell him everything from the beginning to now, not only would it crush him, but would he truly understand where you are coming from?

“You’re not going to tell me are you.” It’s not a question. He says it sternly.

“I… I can’t.” You stifle a sob. “Tae, I’m so sorry. I just can’t right now.”

Angrily, and rightfully so, he glowers at you while his jaw clenches because after a year together, he does not understand how fast everything can change in the span of a week. And after a year, how can you not trust to tell him what is going on? He deserves to know, and you wish you could find the will to just tell him the whole story without holding back.

He is rigidly holding back tears because he is just as hurt, but he can’t bear the thought of you stepping out on him which is what he is starting to believe. Is he wrong to think that? He knows anger causes irrational thinking but right now, he wants space to clear his head. Even if it means being away from you.

“The hotel is yours tonight.”

“Tae-” You rush to step forward, but he holds a palm up to pause everything.

“The hotel is yours tonight. Stan will pick you up for your flight tomorrow… We’re done.” He shoves past you as you spin in panic to watch him leave, but you do not chase him. This is not how you wanted it to go. Not on bad terms, but you feel so devastated yet so relieved that Taehyung made this decision, yet you feel so helpless simultaneously.

The tears continue as you scramble to order someone to pick you up and if you regret one thing, it’s not telling Taehyung about your first love the first day you met him like you should have.

The guilt is eating you alive.

Your eyes are dry and puffy from the crying the night before, so to force some way to lift your spirits, you put on a faint amount of makeup and throw on a floral summer dress. What better way to cope with the heart ache by pretending there is no heart ache? You suck at that. It’s visible all over your frame that is weak and exhausted; your mind has done nothing but run vigorously on high speed since landing a week ago and you are not sure how you are functioning properly.

Once you have everything packed and prepared, you triple check the hotel room to ensure you haven’t left anything. The room felt desolate last night without Taehyung being beside you, but in a way, you appreciated being alone. Maybe it’s for the best that you never try to love anybody else because as long as Jung Jeongguk exists in your heart, there is no such thing as anybody else. How can someone have your heart this long and they were never really yours?

Rolling your suitcase behind you, the walk to the outside is brighter than you anticipate. The sun gleams high in the sky while people bustle from left to right to exit or enter the hotel building. It doesn’t take long for you to spot the limo slowly pulling up to the curb. An older man with gentle eyes greets you, introducing himself as Stan.

“Now I finally have a face to a name.” You smile sweetly as he takes your luggage to settle into the trunk. “Thank you.” You murmur. The moment you open the limo door, you duck to begin taking a seat, but something stops you in your tracks.

It’s the scene of glimmering shoes that tilts your head in confusion as you scan from the shoes all the way up the slim legs, to the loose-fitting shirt on a familiar frame to then locking eyes with the one person you never expected to see yet again.

“Jeongguk?” You croak with widened eyes. Did you say his name out loud? You have no idea. All you know is your heart is ear piercingly screaming and your fingertips have gone numb. His red hair is gelled back so you can easily see the enchanting curve of his jawline and the quirk of his lips smirking gently. You are in trouble. And you don’t care anymore. But your conscious tries to tell you the opposite.

“I um… Uh, I have to go-” You panic preparing to back away.

“Absolutely not.” Jeongguk grasps to pull you in, reaching around you to slam the limo door closed once your body plops onto the seat. When Stan hears the signal, he starts to drive away from the curb and your mind is dizzy with anxiety.

“Jeongguk.” You try to say sternly, but his name comes out in a whimper. You are trying with all your strength not to pass out.

“Y/N.” He speaks. His eyebrow cocking. You have remained leaned forward from how he pulled you in and his face is so close, you are doing everything you can to keep your heat from clenching simultaneously with the reaction of your body wanting to tremble.

“What the hell are you doing!? How the hell did you even know I would be here!?”

He shrugs. “A friend.”

“What friend-”

“Monnie. She’s known Stan for a while. So has Jin.”

“Well, Stan is about to be fired!” You try emphasizing the word loudly to kid with Stan even though you are lowkey dead serious. You should be grieving Taehyung, not letting the desire to tangle with Jeongguk be floating subconsciously in the back of a damn limousine. “If Taehyung finds out that you jacked the limo driver, he’ll be pissed. So, again, what the hell are you doing!?”

“I’ll answer your question once you answer mine.”

“Jeongguk, I’m not playing fucking games with you-”

“Neither am I.”

Eyeing him in exasperation, you shake your head to hopefully rid of the evident confusion. “You know what- we can’t do this. We can’t be alone.”

“And why not?”

“Because-” Because you just went through a breakup, damnit! Not that you are aware that he knows. But you are trying so hard not to cave into the longing to be with Jeongguk the way his eyes intensely look into yours.

After all this time, holding it in all these long, long years:

you explode.

“Because you are just so fucking ruthless, you know that!? I have had you in my fucking head since I was a child and there is no escape from you! No escape! Do you know how much it killed me to see you leave seven years ago? Do you know how fucking insane seeing you again is all these stupid ass years later? I have been losing my shit nonstop and for what!? Because you just think it’s so damn cute to occupy every fucking brain cell I have and tear me to shreds! Like, do you even fucking know the hell I’ve been through!? Seeing you with-”

Jeongguk kisses you suddenly stopping your words. This kiss is so desperate and rough yet, it’s so much softer than you would think since you were losing your absolute shit a minute ago, but his lips are as warm as you remember, and your body loosens as his hands cup your cheeks. Gasping into his kiss, the world spins so magically that you forget that you are heading to catch a flight home. You don’t want to stop. The way his mouth moves so good with yours. How are you going to pull away?

So, you don’t.

His fingertips slip to the back of your neck to deepen the kiss while the love you buried revives into the atmosphere.

Because you are so in love with him, and you never once stopped.

Jeongguk’s other hand pats along the door refusing to break the kiss and your ears catch the sound of the partition lifting to separate the pair of you from the driver. Something about that whole gesture sends a gush from your heat, wetting your thong that you inwardly hope Jeongguk will see. It’s like you are in a dream. If ‘high school you’ knew that seven years from then that you would be making out with Jeon Jeongguk in a limousine, you would have never believed it. Instead of bottling everything up anymore, you are just going to let go. In this moment, you are with the one person you have always wanted: Jeon Jeongguk. So why fucking fight it? You are done fighting it.

You have made up your mind. You want to give him your all and you want to give it now. Conversation can be saved for later.

“Guk,” you gasp between his kisses. “Please… whatever you do. Don’t… Stop.”

It doesn’t take much until his hands move to grip your waist, positioning you in a straddle. Immediately, moaning loudly against his lips that have eagerly grown hungrier as you cling to him desperately. Humming into his kiss, the relief flooding your limbs eases the tension you have fought this entire week, and your hands slide to grasp the gelled strands of his hair in deprivation. His tongue dances with yours while he fumbles with where to place his hands next.

You moan when you feel his erection beneath your heat though clothes remain on; with the dress, you're wearing, the fabric is spread enough, you're able to feel the material of his slacks along your inner thighs. You unintentionally grind your hips, him doing the same, lips nearly bruised from sultry kisses he refuses to stop.

His palm slaps your ass to then squeezing so hard, you nearly melt into his frame, your teeth sliding along his bottom lip before sneaking the tip of your tongue along it to then snatching his lips once more.

Your fingers trace his jawline, a part of him that nearly makes you faint. Breaking the kiss, his breathing is heavy while your lips linger to trail his jaw, lightly sucking with each contact until you reach his ear. A soft laugh resonates into his eardrum, him groaning with immense desire in response. You can't help yourself especially with the fire dribbling from your heat. Your inner kinks start to arise.

"I don't know if you've ever been given a blowjob in a limo baby, but I’m not going to let you forget it.” You say it so erotically, Jeongguk is losing his mind. You're wild when it comes to sex, yet you’ve only ever had one sexual partner. With the way Jeongguk’s hazy, brown eyes watch your every move, you don't mind giving him the ride of his life. You are going to show him exactly what he has missed.

Squeezing his shoulders once, you move backward off his lap carefully despite the moving vehicle. You kneel on the floor, your antsy fingers unbuckle his belt, the jingle of the metal sending jolts of excitement throughout his limbs. The anticipation is nearly smothering, especially when you unbutton his pants to show his underwear, spreading the fabric to free his erection. The sight causes you to bite your lower lip instinctively.

"Oh baby." You nearly drool. His hands curl around your wrists before you lean in to cover his area with your mouth encasing every bit of his girth. He leans back in immense pleasure while you perform a long, intense suck before dipping your head up and down seductively. Hearing him moan fuels you to continue. Running your tongue over his tip, you let the taste of his precum lead you to yearn for more, pleasuring him so much he could release right then and there. You unlatch your wrist from one of his tightening hands, bringing it to his scrotum that is peeking through the opening of his underwear, massaging softly whilst sucking, his feet pressing harder at the floorboard from the paradise he's been wanting with you and only you.

When you see how much of an effect it has on Jeongguk, you continue your bliss, sucking and sucking until his hands grasp the sides of your ribcage causing you to gasp in surprise. Without a second to blink, your back is crashed against the seat cushion with Jeongguk hovering above you, strands of his hair glistening over his eyes, his chest heaving as his hands rest on either side of you. Your eyes are wide from the sudden action, but when he lowers to place his lips near your ear, a tingling sensation waves across your figure.

"I don't know if you've ever been fucked in a limo.” He growls. “But I'm gonna make sure you, my dear, will never forget it."

Oh. Fuck. His fingertips feel for your underwear that he slides down to your ankles. He doesn’t even take a second to admire what type of underwear it is before he comes back to kiss you.

You are so aroused that your vaginal walls are sopping wet before Jeongguk slams his erection into you. He drums so hard that you can't help the screams of pleasure that are gratefully unheard from the vibration of the speakers reverberating within the small space. This is when you realize music must have started playing to drown out the sounds Stan most likely does not want to hear.

Your hands clasp roughly to Jeongguk’s sides which regains your focus. He pounds so rhythmically with the bass of whatever song is playing, your g-spot is being stroked with each thrust. The growing climax sends your eyes rolling back. Jeongguk slows for a moment though and aligns his body with yours still keeping himself inside you. You watch him while your chest heaves.

He lifts a finger to trace along your cheek until he caresses your bottom lip with his thumb. You are uncertain why he has stopped, but you are thankful neither of you have cummed too soon because you are not ready for this to end. Even though it has to… Oh, shut the fuck up brain.

“You’re not going to the airport today.” His eyes shift from a lust to a softness that reminds you of when he first became your friend. You want to sit up in surprise, but you don’t because you like Jeongguk’s body being on top of you and his erection keeping its rightful place inside you.

“What do you mean? I’m supposed to leave today.”

“I… Have made other arrangements.”

“Did you cancel the flight!? How!?”

“Well, no… But I can reimburse you for the inconvenience of missing your flight.”

“Are you…” In honesty, you are not upset at all. Your heart is flying so high with relief, you could cry. A smirk graces your tingling lips. “Are you kidnapping me, Jeon Jeongguk?”

“Only if you let me,” he winks, pressing a slow kiss to your bruised lips. “Otherwise, the airport I will take you but only if you say so.”

“What about my job? I have to go back at some point.”

Sadness etches in the corner of his eyes while he exhales slowly. “How about we worry about that tomorrow? … I don’t want to lose you. Not again.”

You don’t either.

Your hand reaches to tangle in his hair while you pull him to kiss you. He starts thrusting again, but this time nice and slow while your tongue swirls with his. The two of you are so lost in intimacy that neither of you notices the pause of the limo and the dimming of the music. It's Jeongguk who jolts away immediately, stuffing his being back into his pants, scrabbling to buckle his belt before it dawns on you that the limo is no longer moving. Swiftly, you fix your dress, running your hands through your hair in panic, also hoping your makeup isn't smeared all over.

Your throbbing heat is relentless, and you squeeze your thighs to try and relieve some of the sensitivity, but it's no use. Once Stan opens the door, you and Jeongguk smile at him trying to hide the fact the two of you were literally having intercourse directly behind his back.

Stan squints his eyes in suspicion when he notices how embarrassed the two of you chuckle when leaving the limo, but he brushes it off, him tipping his hat for a farewell. You grasp Jeongguk’s hand while your other hand clings to your luggage. You do not know where you are, but you are assuming it’s where Jeongguk lives.

“My roomates are still shooting scenes for the movie we’re in, so we have this whole place to ourselves for the time being.” Jeongguk beams. Your feet move faster than they ever have as he follows suit to the front door. He chuckles at how cute your eagerness is because he is just as giddy, too. Being with you just comes so naturally even after all this time. The moment you reach the door, you spin around, dragging his mouth to yours.

Your back hits against the front door nearly bringing you to your knees while he follows your lead. You throw your arms around his neck as his hands press into your waist; the two of you rebuild the itching desire that had been interrupted. The pure addiction of Jeongguk’s lips on yours is everything you could have dreamed of, so you hate that you have to break the kiss just for him to unlock the door. Snatching his hand once more, you kick off your heels, him slipping out of his shoes while your luggage tips over somewhere near the door.

You follow him up the stairs until both of you are safe in his bedroom. He locks the door behind him once he turns on the lights, and that's when he tackles you lovingly once again, kissing your mouth roughly. Your hands pull off his shirt and in return, he unzips the back of your dress.

When your lacy undergarments taunt his enlarging eyes, you step away from your dress, giving him a seductive smile. Now he notices your thong. Sliding your fingers slowly to your entrance, you coat your digits with the wetness he's caused you, stepping forward to carefully smear it on his lips. His eyes close while his staggered breaths relish in your scent, urging to taste you, he clamps his warm mouth around your fingers, his teeth grazing your skin while he sucks.

"I want you, Jeongguk." You whisper. "I want you to never stop wanting me."

That's all it takes before he squats to wrap his arms underneath your ass, lifting you effortlessly in the air prompting a fit of giggles. He sprints to his bed and crashes you onto it. Once the bounce of your bodies settles, his hands desperately tear your thong from your frame as well as your lace bra, his mouth leaving tenderly placed kisses along your ribcage before your trembling hands move to rid of his pants. Unbuckling his belt, Jeongguk helps you free himself from his pants and underwear- every article of clothing between the both of you finally plopped on the ground.

Unexpectantly, he rolls you above him, pressing your bare chest against him, his teeth nipping your ear lobe before his breath haunts your ear in the sexiest, deep voice you've ever heard. "If I'm going to taste you properly, I want it all over my face."

Oh. Shit.

Jeongguk clings onto your hips once you get into position. You move with him until your folds are above his starving mouth. Now with his heated palms smoothed along your ass, you lower yourself just enough until you hear the sudden sound of his lips caressing along your heat bringing a moan to escape your throat. "Ohhh, baby." You breathe. His tongue circles your heat slowly before he roughly flicks it against you, delighting in your taste while your head thrusts back in ecstasy.

You've never had sex so good- especially with the way his tongue licks so effortlessly underneath your clenching vaginal walls. Your thighs quiver from how strong your climax is building. His lips cover your clit, sucking before returning his tongue to lick rapidly among your slit.

"Ohhh, Jeongguuk." You can hardly concentrate, him continuing his mission until you slide back, forcing him to raise, his bangs now clinging to his perspired forehead. His lips part just to land to kiss your chin where the scent from your folds is fresh on his lips.

He’s starving for you, and you learn right then that he wasn’t done. His hand finds your chest where he pushes you down until your back bounces on the mattress. His fingers find your nipples first where the ticklish feel from the rising buds causes the fire below to heighten. Whimpering in response to the pleasure, his mouth latches onto your nipple while his tongue dances along it.

You beg for him as he pleasures you. The intensity of how turned on you are is so heavenly, you could do this forever. He then kisses along your body until he stops at where he originally feasted and you can see the lust in his eyes before he dives in, lapping up every bit of you while he slides gentle fingertips to then vibrate along your clit. “Oh Guk! Oh baby- ah!” You moan feeling how strong your sense pleads to orgasm while your eyes roll back in ecstasy. His tongue is relentless while he licks along your heat.

When you think he’s done, he repositions to where you are sitting on his face again while his large hands cup your ass.

"Now." He says, his lips tickling your skin when you both find yourselves hazy and twisted together. "Where were we before we were interrupted?"

"I think I remember." You whisper musingly, him rolling you to crash under him- his penis finds your entrance before you can catch a breath, and that's when he starts. Pumping into your walls that are warm and drenched, your screams of delight ring throughout his room, letting Jeongguk enthrall every single one of your senses until your legs nearly give out. You moan his name. You moan profanities. You moan it fucking all. "Harder!" Your voice breaks. "Harder! Oh!"

Your climax hits you suddenly and strongly prompting you to squirt slightly which turns Jeongguk on even more than he already is. Your legs jolt beneath him while he spills inside you. You’re still screaming in pleasure from the high when he falls next to you, him leaking down your mid-thighs while you squeeze them for friction. Both of you hyperventilating, the sensitivity still presents between your legs while you two try to recover.

"Holy shit." You breathe. "Where the hell have you been again? Holy fuck."

A deep chuckle sounds from Jeongguk’s pearly smile, his eyes gleaming from the happiness he feels with you finally by his side. When his long fingers intertwine with yours, you furrow your eyebrows, shifting to rest on your side so that way you can see all of him easier.

Preparing to speak, his free hand reaches to tuck a strand of your fallen hair behind your ear rendering you speechless. Though you've kept your feelings private for so long, he's always made your heart palpitate; but, with everything that has happened, where do either of you start?

You lean your cheek into his palm where he rests it, him moving to sit up just enough to brush his lips to yours before pressing kisses on every inch of your face, his sudden passion surprising you, especially when he turns you to lay you back down just so he can lounge in your beauty from above.

“I like you naked.” He teases causing you to playfully scoff when you shove him. His chuckling smile kisses your smile while you enjoy the feel of his warm skin and the high of his presence. “I’ve missed you…” He whispers when the moment becomes serious which hitches your breathing.

Missing Jeongguk is an understatement. You’ve wished to see him again but never thought it would actually happen. You know you shouldn’t ask this, but it has tormented you since he left that you can’t help it. Hearing those words from him should have made your heart swell, but then the picture that changed everything years ago seems to be in the forefront of your mind now. “Then… why did you choose her?”

Jeongguk’s eyebrows scrunch as his lips pucker. The confusion is so apparent that you start to feel the budding sense of humiliation. He met a girl at Konkuk, right? The picture showed it all… Right?

“I mean I dated here and there later on in college, but I had to get over losing you.”

You shift to sit up as Jeongguk’s body rolls off you. What does he mean?

“But you wouldn’t have lost me if you hadn’t chosen to be with her. I mean, c’mon, Guk you hardly talked to me once you left. I spent countless nights wondering what I had done wrong! I knew you’d be busy, but I never thought, nor did I want to believe it’s because you found someone else.”

He tries so hard to understand what you are talking about as he reads your panicked gaze. But… you blocked him? Why would you block him unless you moved on too? He is uncertain of the girl you are talking about, but he listens as best as he can while he racks his brain of what happened seven years ago.

“Y/N…” He says calmly. “Can you please tell me what you are talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, Guk! The picture! You had your arm wrapped around another girl! What else was I supposed to think? Do you know how destroyed I was?”

Jeongguk flits his sight to the comforter while the pair of you start to distance from your sweaty frames. The smell of sex is starting to fade, and you bundle the comforter over your chest while Jeongguk’s lower-half slips under the covers. When realization enlarges his eyes, his heart drops to his stomach. Now, he knows what you’re talking about.

“Wait… Yoongi’s girlfriend?”

“Yoongi? I thought-”

Jeongguk’s eyes search yours as if he is trying to get you to telepathically see his memories. “Me and Jin were at the hospital for a few days because Yoongi was in the hospital from- from the accident.” He wets his lips. “Sun Hee was just a friend of mine, and she was stressed from it all, so I was just trying to be there for her. We weren’t dating! I’m pretty sure we’re even related somehow.”

“Wait- wait a minute, what?” The heat hovering over your chest is intensely overwhelming when you realize the huge mistake you have made. “You mean-?”

“When I came home, I tried to get a hold of you so I could tell you everything, but I was blocked! Even years later, I tried checking social media every now and then so I could find you again, but it was like you disappeared!” Jeongguk is pouring his heart out to you meanwhile tears of utter humiliation form and begin to drip in so much regret, you can’t believe the fog in your head is allowing you to compute his every word. “Why didn’t you talk to me first? Why didn’t you let me know you were hurt?” Jeongguk’s voice is pained as he continues. “I could have explained everything! I even showed up at your place a few months after, but you weren’t home.” He doesn’t mention your dad since none of this involves either of your parents especially when he sees your reaction.

“You… came back?”

“Of course, I did! I was in love with you, y/n! I even planned to tell you about Konkuk’s mix up! They sent you the wrong letter. You were accepted. I had it all ready and planned out to surprise you! There was never anybody else, it was always you!”

The world stops. Everything just stops. The words you have longed and hoped and wished and prayed have just been said to you by Jeon Jeongguk. The man you have loved to no end. You can’t move. You don’t budge. This embarrassment is so deep and severe, you just want to run.

That’s why Jeongguk asked you why.

“Y/N? Y/N?” Jeongguk reaches to hold you.

“I was accepted into Konkuk? You- you got it fixed for me? You-”

Your head is spinning, nothing makes sense anymore. All this time, you were robbed of being with Jeongguk because of you. Not him, not fate, not destiny, not your parents, not the girl, not Konkuk University:

you.

Dropping the covers, you race to gather your things. You don’t even know if your flight has left yet. You don’t even know the time, but you must go home before you ruin everything again.

“Y/N? Please. Please hold on-”

You blur out his voice while you fumble to grab your things. Jeongguk tries to stop you, his eyes pleading- begging. You don’t know how you remembered Stan’s phone number that Taehyung happened to text you after the argument, but you manage to shoot Stan a text despite the chaos. All you hope is he is right down the road.

Somehow you find a way down the stairs while tears pour non-stop. How will you ever forgive yourself for the mess you made? Grabbing your suitcase, you struggle to put on your shoes while Jeongguk tries to slip on his. When Stan arrives, you jump into the backseat where you and the man of your dreams made love paining you as you sob. He’s frantically begging you not to leave but you can’t bring yourself to now that you finally know the truth. You don’t even give Stan time to help you. Rather, you fling your suitcase into the back seat and slam the door before Jeongguk reaches you.

“Y/N! Please don’t go! Please! We can figure this out!”

It’s all crashing down so hard as you hear Jeongguk’s voice. You beg Stan to hurry, and as the limo turns to head to the airport, you see the man you love more than anything falling to his knees in mirroring agony.

{24}

It’s him.

It has always been him.

Your hands grip the steering wheel until your knuckles are white as your eyes stay focused on the road ahead. You barely made your flight that day, and with hushed tears, the whole flight was nothing but heavy misery.

When you made it home, you were too tired to pack anything, so you stayed bundled in you and Taehyung’s bed with no will to want to do anything other than cry. It took another week for Taehyung to return home and that’s when he convinced you to give the relationship another try. You thought staying was what you deserved because after what you did to Jeongguk, you don’t deserve him anymore. And you still loved Taehyung even if it wasn’t completely to the fullest as it should have been.

It was when the movie Jeongguk and his friends were in blew up all around the world that you started seeing his face everywhere. Every picture, every magazine, every interview on television. Taehyung, naturally, questioned about everything that happened between you and ‘that actor’ as he refers to Jeongguk, so you summarized as vaguely as you could which still wasn’t enough for Taehyung. Of course, you suppress the guilt as much as you can since that is all you have seemed to feel anymore.

“There is someone from my past that means the absolute world to me and always will.” Jeongguk’s words from the interview that prompted Taehyung to leave echoes silently in the car. “This person encouraged me and believed in me even when I didn’t know it. They said to not be afraid anymore. So, I took that advice and I’m thankful I did. Now, I’ve gained brotherhood and my dreams have come true.” The remote almost slipped from your hand while you stared in shock. You knew Taehyung needed to know the truth because Jeongguk was your truth.

The fight and the breakup are still fresh, but now that it’s dark, you wipe your fingers along your face to rid of the new tears.

Jeongguk is known by the whole world now. Globally. He really did accomplish the dreams that you knew he could and would reach. He is going to make history for the rest of his life, and you will cheer him on no matter what distance. No matter what time. You will always cheer him on. Because he deserves it all.

The bleachers of the soccer field. That is where you wanted to escape to.

Stepping down the metal seats, you find the infamous spot where you would secretly watch Jeongguk all those years ago as well as the times the friendship bloomed, and he would come see you every day before your dad picked you up.

You smile through the tears as you descend into the spot. The tall lights glisten with the stars as you sit back enough to feel the breeze and you can smell the mist of the humidity from the earlier evening rain. You don’t know how much time passes, nor do you care. You just want to be here where Jeongguk used to be so you can relive all the memories and create memories you wish you could have shared with him during the years you took away.

Unexpectedly, you hear the familiar pounce of footsteps making their way down the bleachers perking your ear drums to tune into the sound. You are not sure who it could be at this time of night, and you also aren’t sure if you should be afraid. You stiffen immediately once the steps stop. Silence.

“…Y/N?”

Standing in response ever so excruciatingly slow. You cannot believe the voice you are hearing. No way.

His voice is soft as flower petals when he says your name, and the tears brim as you turn to face him with unshed happiness blossoming along your heart because Jeon Jeongguk in the flesh is standing there with hope mingled with stunned nervousness evident in his expression. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

Swiping a tear, you hardly can believe it yourself, but now you understand why you felt the urge to come here. It’s because you were meant to because the stars were aligning for him to be here too. Where it all started. “I didn’t know you’d be here either.”

“I come here when I-”

“Need an escape.”

“And, to think about you.”

Your chin quivers as you keep his eyes connected with yours. It’s been a year since you have seen him, yet it still seems so fresh as if it all happened just yesterday. “I’m so sorry.” You whisper, trying to stifle a sob. “It was all my fault that we missed out on so many years we could have been together. It’s honestly even been years since I have been here. But something… something fueled me to come here, and here I am.”

“Well…” Jeongguk clears his throat while he slips his cold fingers into his pockets. “I have a new rule for you.”

Looking at him, you wait for his response while you wipe at another tear that escapes.

“Please don’t say you’re sorry anymore. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“But I do.” You sniff to clear your airways. “I should have spoken to you the second I saw that damned picture, but I… I was so hurt and panicked that I let my selfishness take over when you needed me the most…

If I would have just waited for your call. Things would have been different. I should have asked about your friend, too. He was hurt and even though, I didn’t know him personally, I should have asked about him. Asked about you and how you were doing. If Jin was okay. There- there should have been consideration, but I let me get in the way of… Me. And I’m so sorry… Even for a year ago, the humiliation devastated me that I didn’t know how to face you. I think… I think I needed time to forgive myself for taking away time I could have spent being with you.” You stare down at your hands that are quivering from the anxiety.

“We still have time.” Jeongguk murmurs. After a few seconds of silence, he speaks. “Now, come here.”

Flitting your gaze in surprise, it’s as if the tradition never ended, but this time, there will not be a single goodbye after this embrace. Immediately, you sprint to crash into his arms, bundling into his frame while the sobs are relentless. “It’s you, Guk. It’s always been you. I’m so proud of you and all you have accomplished. I will never stop cheering you on or supporting you. You are everything to me.” He squeezes you so tight and fights to prevent his own tears from spilling onto your hair that tucks beneath his chin. He isn’t going to let you go. He holds you while you let it all out, crying all the guilt and the regret into his clothes while he comforts you the way he always will.

Into the evening, the pair of you find yourselves sitting on the bleachers staring at the stars where fingers are interlaced. This time you found the courage to grab his hand, sitting so close that shoulders are touching while the moon glistens above. Early memories begin to bud.

“Remember in elementary school when you took the blame for me smacking Kevin?”

A sly smile fills Jeongguk’s face. “Do I! That was the best day of my life!”

You look at him incredulously. “You went to the principal’s office!”

“I know, but you smacked Kevin before I could, so I wanted to take some credit.”

“Oh God, then why were you his friend later on?”

Jeongguk’s lips press in a firm line. “He didn’t have the best life growing up… Found him in tears one day so I gave him a chance. Then we lost touch.” He shrugs.

“Well, I hope he’s okay.”

“Me too.”

Silence lingers for a moment before you continue, “I guess my point of bringing up that whole situation is because that was the day, I started having feelings for you.” The serenity that collects in his gaze while he locks eyes with you breathes life into your heart just as strongly as his presence has the entirety of the night. “I don’t want to lose you anymore, Guk.” You whisper. “I’m done losing you.”

Jeongguk’s eyes reflect serene emotion and after a few minutes of him moving forward to press a slow, sweet kiss to your forehead, you then notice his free hand moves to retrieve a square box from his jacket pocket. Pulling away slightly, you stare at the box then to Jeongguk, then the box and then back to Jeongguk. Speechless.

“I bring this with me every single time I visit here, but I didn’t realize the exact moment I needed would present itself.” He shifts to face you more while you stare in stunned silence. “This is a gift I’ve been wanting to give you for years… I got it back when I started college. The second I saw it, I saved up all I could so I could surprise you.” He then hands it to you. “Open it.”

Tears are in your eyes as you bring shaky fingers to your lips. You reach for the gift and lift the lid cautiously to see the most beautiful shimmering necklace you have ever seen. The diamonds smile back at you while the symbol of a page from a script beams in the moonlight. “I know it’s not exactly how we met, but it is definitely what brought us together.”

“Jeongguk!” You cry, as he reaches for the necklace. You move slightly as he helps you put it on. You can’t take your eyes off the symbol. How did he even find something so perfect and so beautiful? “Guk, I- I love it so much! I don’t- I don’t even- I haven’t-”

His hands find your cheeks to force you to look into his eyes which ceases your panic.

“You are enough.” He means every word and you feel his heart connecting with yours beyond what you can fathom. “Also,” he smiles excitingly. “The offer still stands at Konkuk University if you still want to attend. There’s plenty slots open.”

“Oh, Guk!” You burst with elation. Immediately, he leans into you, pressing his lips to yours igniting the magic that comes alive because the pair of you have finally found each other and refuse to let it diminish. Not anymore.

“I love you.” You gasp between kisses. “I never stopped loving you.” You cling to him while he deepens the kisses, pulling you even closer.

“I love you, more...” He whispers. “And I will never stop.”

586 notes · View notes

clumsy-jiminie · 2 years ago

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ʙʀᴏᴋᴇɴ ᴄᴏᴅᴇꜱ | ᴊᴊᴋ | ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴛʜɪʀᴛᴇᴇɴ

◦ ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ :: mafia!jeongguk x mafia!female reader

◦ ʀᴀᴛɪɴɢ :: 18+

◦ ɢᴇɴʀᴇ :: mature content, angst, smut, mafia!au

◦ ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ :: 11.1k

◦ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ :: mc is a mouthy brat and jk knows exactly how to handle it, smut - slight choking, fingering, public sex, spanking ( minimal ), taunting and dirty talk, orgasm denial, slight degradation ( use of the term slut ), big dick!jeongguk, use of honorifics, unprotected sex, flirting in public, light violence, use of petname - baby

◦ ɴᴏᴛᴇꜱ ::��not the past three chapters having some form of smut in it... I honestly love this chapter. when I wrote the first version of it, I used to reread it so often. if I ever had a man talk to me like that 😮‍💨 btw anyone remember when I used to write 2k chapters? HA. anyway, I hope you guys enjoy 💖

↠ ɴᴇxᴛ :: ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ :: ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ɪɴᴅᴇx ↞

This was the first time almost everyone was in the same place together. You tend to miss breakfast, not wanting to deal with Taehyung while you just woke up. It was a rare occurrence to experience. Hoseok was sprawled out on the couch in front of you, doing whatever pleases him on his phone. Jimin was sitting next to you. He was also on his phone, where you could see him scrolling aimlessly through Instagram. One of the few instances where you would miss having your phone. You wondered if it was locked in some drawer somewhere or if they even had it. That night already seemed so long ago. Jeongguk was to the other side of you before he decided to get up and head to the kitchen. And Seokjin was… Well, he was with Solar. Sat in one of the chairs directly across from the TV, Solar was happily placed in Seokjin’s lap, giggling away as he whispered filthy nothings into her ear. You stared down at your thumbs, absentmindedly playing with your shirt. It seemed as if no one else noticed these very public displays of affection. You didn’t understand how with the obnoxious sound of lips smacking against each other every other moment.

Jeongguk then let out a loud groan before the sound of the fridge door slamming followed. “Hyung…,” he whined like a child, causing you to glance at him. He slumped against the fridge with his eyebrows squished together, and his bottom lip jutted into a pout. A smile teased your lips before glancing over at Seokjin for his response. He paid the younger no mind. All his attention was on Solar as his fingertips played with the hem of her very short shorts. Jeongguk’s eyebrows now lowered, watching as Seokjin blatantly ignored him. “Jin!” He yelled, finally getting his attention.

An annoyed groan parted from Seokjin’s throat as he looked back at the other. “What?!”

“When are you going to go grocery shopping?” He asked as he stood up and walked back to the living room. “We need some food!”

Seokjin practically waved Jeongguk off by pulling Solar closer to him. “I’ll order something in a minute,” he said before kissing Solar’s neck.

“Ugh,” the man next to you groaned while leaning his head back on the couch cushion. You directed your attention to Jimin, whose eyes met yours. He scrunched his nose with disgust. “I’m so sick of eating out.”

It’s been a week since Solar has been here. Which also meant a week of you sneaking out of your own room to Jeongguk’s to escape the sounds of lovemaking late at night. You swore those two fucked more than bunnies. But it wasn’t only you that was affected. Hoseok has been sleeping on the couch for the past week as well. The first time you saw him down here, you almost shat yourself because he was only an odd lump lying on the couch. When he suddenly shifted you got startled and reacted like any sane person would — grabbing the closest object and throwing it at him. He groaned as one of the men’s heavy shoes hit him in the forehead, cursing your name. After that, you stopped going downstairs in the middle of the night for some water. And the last change due to Solar’s stay was ordering takeout for every meal. Seokjin was too caught up in his girlfriend’s presence to cook. In fact, every time he tried, he would get turned on by something Solar did and forget he was cooking, to begin with. When he almost caught the house on fire, Seokjin decided to skip the middleman and place an order. You didn't have a problem with Seokjin ordering out. You were always guaranteed a meal this way and didn’t have to fight anyone at the table. You were a foodie, so you enjoyed anything that made your tastebuds dance. But it seemed that your fellow inhabitants didn’t feel the same way.

“Right?” Jeongguk agreed as he plopped down next to you. “Everything tastes the same now. When are you gonna make us something?”

“It can’t be tonight, JeonJeon,” Solar cooed. Everyone pressed their lips together to hold back the giggle that desperately wanted to escape at his nickname. It prompted a glare from JeonJeon himself. “Jinniebear has a hot date tonight.”

Does this girl have a thing for cheesy nicknames?

You mouthed the name silently, eyebrows furrowing together as you wondered about the backstory that came with it.

“He sure does,” Seokjin boasted.

“Barf,” Hoseok suddenly said, repulsion spreading across his features. “Get a fucking room.”

Your eyes grew wide as you stared at the wavy-haired brunette. You’ve never seen Hoseok make such a face — eyebrows furrowed together and lips turned downward in a frown. And the fact that he cursed? Hoseok was full of surprises.

He glared at Seokjin boldly. “You have half of mine, so why don’t you use it?” He shifted his position to sit up straight. “You obviously don't have a problem doing so, despite me being in the fucking room.”

Seems like one too many nights on the couch turned sunshine into storm clouds.

“Oooh,” Jimin mused with a smirk, “looks like someone made Hobi mad.” You snickered to yourself, shaking your head. He’s such an instigator.

Seokjin returned the glare. “Watch it,” he warned through a clenched jaw, hand placed on Solar’s hip securely. “Don’t be jealous because you don’t have a beautiful lady with you every night.”

Hoseok stared at the man, the reason for his anger going right over the other’s head. He let out a scoff, shaking his head from side to side. “Oh, believe me,” he said as he stood up, “I’m far from jealous.” With that, he headed upstairs, leaving the awkward tension he created in the room.

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat before Jeongguk perked up. “So,” he drawled out, trying to cut the tension with a dull knife. “Dinner?” He turned his head to Seokjin. His main problem of the night was still unsolved.

Seokjin looked utterly annoyed, his eyes narrowing into slits as he looked at his younger. “I’m not cooking shit, so figure it out.”

“I’ll make something,” you said faintly as you glanced at Jeongguk. You watched his eyes flicker with excitement.

“No,” Seokjin deadpanned.

“What?!” You directed your attention to Seokjin, who was now glaring at you. As you opened your mouth to respond, the front door swung open.

Everyone looked towards the door as Namjoon and Taehyung walked in. Normally you would’ve looked away the second you realized who it was, but their appearance had a hold on you. They were both a mess with roughed-up hair and disheveled clothing. Taehyung looked the worst, having what looked like blood splattered on the left portion of his white button-down shirt. The blood traveled up his neck, and there was residue where it was wiped away on his cheek. He didn’t bother saying hello, muttering something to himself as he made his way up the stairs. No one questioned it.

“Hello everyone,” Namjoon said as he loosened the black tie around his neck. “What’s for dinner?”

“Jin isn’t making dinner because he has some hot date,” Jeongguk answered, putting air quotes around the last two words.

A smile teased at Namjoon’s lips as Solar gasped loudly. She glared at Jeongguk, “You know damn well I'm hot JeonJeon!”

“I swear to god if you call me that one more time I’ll—”

“And Y/N offered to make dinner!” Jimin quickly chimed in, saving Jeongguk from possibly making a huge mistake.

Your heart started to race as your eyes met Namjoon’s. He arched an eyebrow curiously. Your pinky started to heat up as your body reminded you of the trauma. You quickly slapped Jimin in the chest with the back of your hand, prompting a faint ow from him. You offered Namjoon a nervous smile as Jimin rubbed the inflicted area. “Y-Yeah I did, but I was quickly shut down.”

“By who?” He asked.

“By me,” Seokjin answered quickly and confidently. “I don’t need her to fuck up my kitchen.”

Your head whipped back towards Seokjin. “You don’t even know if I’ll fuck up your kitchen!” You were sick of the little one-off comments. Ever since you got here, he’s been nothing but a dick to you for no reason.

“Cooking is more than boiling some noodles, Y/N.”

He had such a pretentious tone. “Fuck off. I’ve been on my own for almost seven years. You think I got a body like this from some fucking ramen?” You prided yourself on your shape. It took a lot of training and healthy eating to feel comfortable in your skin, and being here caused changes that made you slightly insecure.

In your peripheral view, you caught Solar pressing her lips into a line. She had a comment she was holding back, and for her safety that was a wise decision.

“OK, so ramen and a few dry-ass pieces of chicken.”

You stared at the man, blinking your eyes a few times. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. You’re such a—”

“I’ll allow it,” Namjoon said.

All eyes were directed to him with the same shocked expression. A collective “What?” spilled out of everyone’s mouth as they stared at their leader.

“I’ve had a long day, and honestly, the last thing on my mind is spending more money on takeout. So, Y/N, if you say you can cook, then go for it.”

“Yes!” Jeongguk exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air. He was way too excited for a home-cooked meal. Shit, if all you knew how to make was a slice of toast, he would be happy with that.

Namjoon noticed Jeongguk’s eagerness and smirked slightly to himself. “I bet the fridge is empty. Thank you, Jeongguk, for volunteering to take her grocery shopping.” What kind of older brother would he be without a little teasing?

Jeongguk’s arms instantly dropped as his hopes for relaxing in the living room died in front of him. “No,” he drawled out in a hushed tone. Your brows furrowed as you looked over at him. “Anything but grocery shopping,” he mumbled quietly. Your look of curiosity turned into a glare. And to think you were excited to spend more one-on-one time with him.

Seokjin let out a loud groan. “My kitchen is gonna be a mess. I already know it.”

Your glare then directed to Seokjin. “Calm your tits. Your kitchen will be fine.”

“Yeah!” Solar suddenly said. “I’m sure what’s-her-face can cook well!”

“Y/N,” you said through a clenched jaw as you looked at Solar. And to think you were slightly excited to have another girl in the house, a potential friend even. Someone you could bond with and keep in touch with once you were out of this situation. You could never have enough friends. But she quickly proved to be one of those girls so obsessed with her man and their relationship that they didn’t even know what day of the week it was. Guess it’s just Chaeyoung for now. “It’s Y/N.”

Solar looked at you with a weird expression, clearly uncomfortable with how you addressed her. “Uh yeah,” she said softly, “Y/N.”

Namjoon clapped his hands together, startling Solar, but you were unaffected. You stared at the girl, boring a hole into her as her uncomfortableness continued to grow within her. Her eyes darted around before finally falling on Seokjin’s hands in her lap.

“Well, it’s getting late,” Namjoon said as he walked past the couch. “JK take the card and take her to the store.” Jeongguk let out a drawled-out groan as he threw his head back onto the couch cushion. “I don’t wanna hear it,” Namjoon scolded, “you’re the one who was complaining about food.”

Jeongguk quietly followed after you in the somewhat empty grocery store. It was late, and only a few customers were walking around. As you pushed the cart, glancing between the list Namjoon gave you before leaving and the food on the shelves, you kept getting peeks at your appearance. You let out a soft huff, slightly irritated. Because of a certain Jeongguk, you were insanely overdressed for the weather. You were already wearing his baggy clothing, and on top of that, he had you put on one of his sweaters, a black fitted cap, and sunglasses. Mind you, it was 8’o’clock at night in mid-April. You looked absolutely ridiculous and fought him every step of the way until he was forced to physically dress you. Shame on you for enjoying how he grabbed your wrist and pulled you around his room, ranting about how you were "so stubborn" and "didn’t know how to listen". It was good that he didn’t turn around to see the stupid smile on your lips from hearing his annoyed tone. "A brat through and through," he said to you. All a part of the plan to get manhandled just a little. You felt like he enjoyed putting his hands on you just as much as you enjoyed it. Something about him made you wanna test the waters often and see how far you could get before a big reaction.

You glanced over your shoulder to see how far he was from you. Only a few steps, but not paying any mind to you. “Namjoon was nice today,” you thought out loud. You were shocked when he gave you permission to cook and even more so when he told you to get the groceries. Supervised or not, you were expecting to never see the light of day again besides hanging out on the roof.

Jeongguk nodded silently. His eyebrowed squished together as he internally debated if he wanted to throw this bag of chips in the cart. “Yeah, normally happens when he doesn’t have to kill that many people.”

Your eyes widen a bit. Jeongguk stated it so casually that it forced you to remember that they were a gang at the end of the day. To think it’s only been almost two weeks since the failed drug bust. “Ah,” you feigned indifference. You were supposed to be used to this, after all. Even though this is the closest you've been to the mafia life in a few years. But as his statement fully settled, you gripped onto the cart handlebar a little tighter. Namjoon was a big man — he obviously worked out more than Jeongguk, and the fact that he was taller than him, who easily towers over you — didn’t seem to help. The cold and emotionless stare he gave you when he broke your pinky terrified you. Just picturing Namjoon standing over another person, beaten to a pulp, sent a chill down your spine. Not that you would ever let anyone know. You are actively making sure you’re on his good side.

“So the deal with those guys is going well, I assume.” You said as you put a couple of things into the cart.

Jeongguk instantly turned his head towards you. Namjoon mentioned that you were eavesdropping while having dinner, but he was so caught up in trying to get the image of Yeonjun’s eyes watching you acknowledge it. “Yeah,” he agreed quietly as he walked over to you. He tossed the bag of chips in the cart as he looked at you.

“That’s good,” you continued to walk as a playful smirk started to form on your lips. “I wonder how Yeonjun is doing.”

Jeongguk’s eyes narrowed at the back of your head, sucking his teeth. “Why? You into him or something?”

You couldn't help the laugh that escaped from your lips. You turned around, your eyes locking with Jeongguk's wide ones. It took him a few seconds before the realization sank in. His facial expression then dropped, rolling his eyes as he willingly walked into your little trap. “Shut up.”

“Why?” You giggled. “What happened to Mr. I’m-not-jealous, hm?”

“Fuck you,” he drawled out before passing you. His hand found the cart, pushing it alongside him as he turned down the aisle.

“It’s cute how you try to hide it,” you grinned as you looked at the back of his head. Your eyes traveled down to his shoulders, briefly admiring how broad they looked in his button-down jersey.

“Yeah yeah, what are you making for dinner?” He asked, trying to distract himself from his thudding heart. He wasn’t jealous, and he sure as hell wasn’t cute. What was with you making him feel this way?

“It’s a surprise.”

“I don’t like surprises.”

“I didn’t ask you what you liked.” Your eyes met his. He stared at you, glaring while you offered him an innocent smile. You regained control of the cart again and pushed it until you reached the produce aisle.

“I think I should know since I have to eat it.” He argued.

“Then everyone would have to know, and it wouldn’t be a surprise,” you countered as you focused on the vegetables ahead of you. You were trying to remember which ones your mom used for the meal you wanted to make. Recently, you’ve been missing her tremendously, and eating this meal would soothe the ache in your heart.

“Or,” he purposed as he stepped in your line of sight. Your eyes trailed up his chest to his face where he offered you a grin. “You could tell me since I’m your favorite.”

You stared at him for a moment before bursting into uncontrollable laughter. Jeongguk’s smile instantly dropped, and his gaze hardened. He said nothing funny. “W-Who ever said you’re my favorite?”

He scoffed loudly, arms folding over his chest. “C’mon, be real. Who could you possibly like more than me?”

After your laughter died down, you remained silent. You held his gaze, slowly watching as his eyes filled with worry. Was Jeongguk wrong? Do you really have an interest in someone besides him? Could it have been Jimin? You were sitting pretty close to him earlier. He felt crazy, overthinking every little interaction with his team members.

“So you guys only eat breakfast together? Not dinner?” You asked, changing the subject. You didn’t want to answer him, feeling like it would give him a huge head. Plus, he should know how you feel. It was painfully obvious, at least for you.

He called out your name, and the way he said your name sent a pleasant shiver down your spine. You moved past him to the produce, biting down on your lower lip as you felt his eyes following you. “I know you did not just avoid my question.”

“When I was younger,” you continued. You tried your best to ignore your back heating up from Jeongguk's glare as you grabbed a plastic bag and filled it with vegetables. “My father made sure we had a family dinner every night. Just me, him, and my mother. He used to send his men home for two hours just so we could have our privacy.” You felt your lips form into a small smile as bittersweet memories filled your mind. Your father wasn’t always an abusive dickhead. “I’m not saying we should do it every night since breakfast seems really important to Namjoon. Maybe like twice a week.”

You turned to face him, watching his once-narrowed eyes soften before taking the bag from you and putting it in the cart. The conversation of who your favorite is was far from over, but he’ll let it slide after noticing the glimmer of sadness in your eyes. “So dinner and breakfast on some days?” He asked as you turned around to start filling another bag of vegetables.

You nodded silently, observing each vegetable you grabbed until you felt a presence behind you. Suddenly, you were frozen, your heart rate increasing for a moment before you came back to your senses. Jeongguk was always so close to you, driving you damn near mad each time he was. But to be doing this in public? The few passersby could see his hips pressed against your backside. His thin tracksuit shorts barely do anything to protect you from feeling his bulge pressing into you. Excitement rushed through your veins, pooling in your lower regions. He leaned down a little, his head now aligned with your ear.

“You should get some of those,” he whispered, pointing to some random vegetables.

How could such a tiny interaction cause goosebumps to form over your skin — it was embarrassing. You didn’t even know what vegetable he pointed to, nor did you care. Your hand moved almost mechanically towards it to grab it and put it in the bag. He had to know what he does to you, he had to. His voice aided the tiny ball of arousal swirling in your lower abdomen. Your mind was wandering to the dirty side. Can you get arrested for fucking in a grocery store? You shook your head, physically trying to put those thoughts in the bin before continuing your previous conversation.

“If I'm going to be here and work with you guys, I think it would help us grow closer. The missions would go much smoother then.”

Jeongguk chuckled softly, a reaction you weren’t expecting. You looked at him, eyebrows squishing together as you tilted your head to the side. His smile lingered on his lips a little from your cute reaction. “If I'm being honest, I don’t think that would do much of anything.”

Namjoon was forcing himself to be cordial for Jeongguk’s sake. He kept up with this little lie, so maybe you would cooperate sooner. Namjoon only embarked on the more serious tasks. Nothing like a simple drug pickup, or a collection, so he wasn’t much to worry about. Now Taehyung was a different story. He was a hair-shy of being deadset on putting you in a grave. He was waiting for you to fuck up again so he wouldn’t have to hold back. If you died by his hand, it would be out of self-defense.

Jeongguk chuckled again, shaking his head from side to side as he grabbed the bag from you. “Yeah, definitely won’t help shit.”

Your eyes narrowed. You were being hopeful for once with these people, and he found it amusing? Like you said a joke? “Stop being so fucking negative,” you snapped, causing him to look at you with wide eyes. He soon mirrored your expression, his half-smile dropping in an instant. You walked to the cart, starting to walk away from him. "You're killing my fucking vibe. All I’m trying to do is help you guys here, and you find shit funny? Like it's not possible? Fuck you.”

Jeongguk stared at you for a moment before chuckling again. This one was slightly different than the last. Either way, you voicing how you felt was not a laughing matter. You opened your mouth, ready to fly off the handle and rip him a new one entirely when you felt his chest against your back again. You stopped walking while he placed his hands on top of yours, swallowing them completely. You glanced at the intricate ink that covered his fingers, leading up to the sleeve on his right arm. The familiar warmth of his breath hit the rim of your ear.

“I’ma need you to stop talking to me like that.”

His voice was low, and his tone was intimidating. He held so much power in that one sentence, so much command that it caused your body to flush with heat. The ball of arousal grew as your intimate area became warm. He was right earlier when he called you a brat. You enjoyed pushing his buttons and seeing what combination would make Jeongguk explode. A quality you both shared. But unlike him, you would have a limit and an urge to back down. He knew his place when it came to you, and he was going to make sure you knew yours. You’ll get your comeuppance either way.

“And if I don’t?” You asked, pushing back even though your voice fell to a whisper. If you were any louder Jeongguk was bound to hear the lust hidden behind your words.

He couldn't know what kind of hold he had on you. You couldn’t let him see how easily you could come undone just by a simple glance. Your question produced a low scoff from him, causing a shiver to run down your spine while tickling your ear. He then moved back a little as one of his hands left yours. You let out a small gasp once you felt his fingers wrap around your neck. Jeongguk’s intent wasn’t to cause any damage as he held your throat while tilting your head back. Your eyes soon settled on the fluorescent lights illuminating the store.

“You wanna rethink that answer?” He questioned with a little rasp.

The area between your legs suddenly ached as your eyes fluttered shut for a second. This man had you in a puddle and ready for the taking just from a simple question. You didn’t even care about the stragglers in the store. If he told you to, you would bend over and pull down these sweatpants in a second. The teasing between you two was no longer enough. You wanted to feel your walls stretch around him again. How you’ve managed to last this long without ripping each other’s clothes off was impressive. Your silence prompted another chuckle from him. He pressed his lips to the side of your temple briefly, leaving a gentle kiss behind before he removed his hand from your throat.

“That’s what I thought.”

You didn’t even have to look at him to know he was smirking. You returned your head to your normal position before watching him walk to the front of your cart. His fingers gripped the metal grids, pulling it alongside him and causing you to follow absentmindedly. Your brows furrowed as your lips formed into a pout. You were upset at yourself for letting him turn you on this much in public. You could feel the dampness of your panties as you walked. Fucking Jeongguk.

You only needed a few more items off the list before you joined the line to pay. You were quiet the entire time, too distracted by the ache between your legs. You knew you couldn't continue challenging him here. It would end with his lips on yours in some corner of the store, hands desperately pulling at the fabric that covered you both. Once Jeongguk paid, he took control of the cart, and you followed behind. You trailed behind him until you reached the car, where he popped the trunk and started to load in the groceries. You leaned against the side of his car, hands stuffed in your pockets as you watched him.

Jeongguk glanced over at you not once but twice before stopping briefly. “So you had me take you grocery shopping, and you won’t even help load the car?”

You looked at him before you shook your head. “Nope.” Payback for turning me on, you thought to yourself before turning around. You were going to walk to the passenger door before you were met with resistance.

Jeongguk tugged at the material of your hoodie gently. You glanced over your shoulder to look at him again. “Help me load up this car. I’m not gonna ask you again.”

“You didn’t ask me to begin with.” You said as you turned around to face him again. “If you asked me, maybe I would consider helping you.”

He stared at you for a moment before letting out a chuckle of disbelief. “I don’t remember you asking me to pay for this.”

“I don’t remember you asking me to make dinner, to begin with,” you countered.

Jeongguk’s eyes narrowed at you. What the hell came over you today? You were challenging him every chance you could get. He knew about your sharp tongue but figured he was excused from it. He assumed you wouldn’t try to test him as if he wouldn’t put you in your place. Your name fell from his lips, warning you.

And if you cared for warnings, maybe you would’ve reacted differently.

Your brow arched before taking a few steps towards him. You tilted your head back slightly to keep your gaze locked with his. You said his name, ensuring you used to same warning tone as he did.

He arched a brow amusingly, chuckling lowly as he folded his arms over his chest. Jeongguk looked away from you and towards the vacant parking lot. His tongue pressed against the inside of his cheek while the corner of his lips turned upward into a small smile. The signature Namjoon face looks way better on him. His eyes rested on you once more. “You’re really trying me again?”

“And if I am?” You asked as you tilted your head to the side, eyes sparkling with innocence. You did well keeping your composure, considering those same words rewarded you with a hand teasingly around your throat.

His eyes glanced down at your lips briefly, then continued to trail down your body before returning to your eyes again. All he did was nod his head a couple of times. With furrowed brows, he continued to put the groceries in the trunk without another word. A proud smirk formed on your lips as you returned to the car. Triumph filled you to the brim. You won against the infamous Jeongguk. Funny. To think just last week, he had the upper hand on you. You waited for him to finish, glancing over your nails absentmindedly. The trunk slammed suddenly, causing you to jump.

“Hey, the car didn’t do anything to you,” you said, but there was no response. You heard the subtle click of the car unlocking. You got into the passenger side as he got into the driver's.

The car ride was silent. It wasn't the kind of silence after you've used his shower and escaped into his bed. Or the kind when it's early in the morning, and you're both just enjoying each other's presence. This one was heavy and borderline uncomfortable. You shifted a little as he stared off at the road. Stillness. Was it possible your little fun went too far?

You took a chance, looking in Jeongguk’s direction. His eyes were glued on the road. He had one hand on the wheel while the other arm was propped up against the door, his hand rested against his mouth where his fingers hid a faint smirk. His silver earrings that lined his lobe glimmered gently in the low lighting, captivating your attention. Has he always had that many? Four hoops that lessened in size as they went up the lobe swayed slightly. He also had a double helix piercing towards the top of his ear. Your eyes continued to travel along his features, falling on his sharp jawline that led to his bare neck. Your thoughts were suddenly filled with you sitting in his lap, grinding your hips against his as you left red bruises on his sensitive skin. His breathy moans filled your ears as his hands gripped your hips to control the speed. You caught your lower lip between your teeth, feeling your core grow warm again. It didn’t help that his hair was pulled back into a messy bun. It was a style he wore often to keep his midnight locks out of his face. Minus the two to three pesky strands that always managed to escape, somehow making the style much hotter. How he managed to look good all the time was a sin in itself. Maybe Hoseok was right, and you were whipped.

“You’re staring,” he commented suddenly, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“And?” You responded, purposely keeping your eyes glued to him. “Now I can’t look at you?”

Your answer was met with quietness, provoking your bratty nature more.

“You never had a problem with me looking at you before.”

Silence again. Your brows furrowed, folding your arms over your chest as you directed your attention ahead, staring at the same thing he was.

“Say the word then, and I won’t even spare a glance in your fucking direction, your majesty.”

Something snapped in Jeongguk. That floss-like line you've been bouncing on since before you left finally popped. It was like poking a sleeping bear repeatedly, trying to see how many you could get in before the bear finally awoke. And it did, but you forgot the cave had no exit. Now you’re left to deal with the problem you've cultivated.

He let out a loud scoff. “You know what?” The car abruptly shifted to the right, pulling off to the side of the road where he parked the vehicle. Jeongguk took off his seatbelt and got out, closing the door behind him. Your brows squished together as you watched him walk around the hood, the headlights illuminating him in the darkness. He then reached your side, pulling the door open. “Get out.”

You looked at him, confusion further spreading over your face as you tried to process why he was doing this. “What?”

He didn’t answer. You were beginning to find this new habit rather annoying. He took a step closer to you and leaned into the car as you were about to respond. His body hovered over yours, your breath hitching in your throat as he unbuckled your seatbelt. He grabbed you by your sweatshirt, swiftly pulling you out of the car. You stumbled, your heart pounding in your chest and your core throbbing as you tried to get your footing. He never gave you the chance to, his fingers finding your throat instantly. He pushed your body against the back half of the car, causing you to gasp.

You. Fucked. Up.

He held your throat lightly, not enough to cause any damage, but enough to feel some pressure. He stared down at you, his eyes drinking in every inch of you. As you looked up at Jeongguk, you felt the same gaze that he gave you in the kitchen. Danger. Definite danger. Warmth began to spread from your core to your lower abdomen, feeling your walls clench around nothing. His grip on your throat loosened, and before you knew it, you leaned up and filled the gap between you two. As your lips pressed against his, you both shared a deep inhale. It’s been entirely too long since the last time you kissed. Your lips molded with his. He started off gently, your lips making him almost forget the reason he stopped the car. Your lips were always so soft against his —it could’ve put him in a trance. But the kiss grew deeper, hungrier, as you moaned into his mouth. His fingers tangled in your hair, your hands finding the hem of his shirt and slipping underneath the material. You felt his cool skin with your fingertips, admiring the subtle ridges from his defined abs. His tongue swiped your lower lip before entering your mouth, gliding past your tongue sensually. Fuck, why was he such a good kisser? His fingers gripped your hair tightly, pulling on it until the kiss broke. You groaned softly as you looked up at the sky.

“I’m so fucking sick of your mouth,” he growled through a clenched jaw. You inhaled sharply when you felt his lips leaving a trail of kisses over your jawline. “You think you can talk to me any way you fucking want?” He mumbled against your warming skin, making his way down your neck. When his lips found your spot, you gasped aloud, prompting him to linger over the sensitive area. He sucked and nibbled lightly, diminishing you to a puddle of soft moans and whimpers. Fingers still tangled in your hair, he slipped his free hand into your sweatpants. The way his digit ran over your damp clothed sex — teasingly slow, making your clit throb from the slightest brush by — made your face contort with pleasure.

His brow arched amusingly. “Ah,” he breathed, pressing his lips to your bruised skin, “so wet already?” He commented, making you whine in response as heat flooded your cheeks. He didn’t need to remind you how easily he turns you on. Quite rude of him, honestly. Jeongguk pulled your panties away from your core. Some resistance caused his member to twitch in his pants. He gathered some of your slick, using your juices to lube up your swollen clit. Jeongguk rubbed it side to side, causing a shiver to run through your body as you moaned out for him. Your eyes glued shut from the pleasure, reaching down to grab his wrist. You were so sensitive, your hips jerking against his finger as they circled your bud. It didn’t take long for the pressure to build in your lower abdomen, your moans becoming more frequent as you neared that edge.

He denied you the pleasure of release, pulling his hand out of your pants just as you were about to cum. He let go of your hair, causing your eyes to shoot open. You glared at the man ahead of you, and all Jeongguk did was smirk as if he was full of pride. That little… His hand grabbed your hips, turning you around before pressing you against the car again. He pulled your hips back into him, feeling his hardened length through his sweatpants as he pressed his hand against your lower back. You let him bend you as he needed, putting an arch in your spine. You suddenly felt a breeze on your ass, followed by his cold hand. Your pants and underwear hung around your ankles, exposing yourself to him. He squeezed your cheek before lightly slapping it, watching it ripple as you yelped, then hummed with delight.

“Got nothing to say now, huh?” He taunted while slapping your ass again.

You held in your sound of pleasure as your brows furrowed. “So, before you didn’t want me to make a sound, and now you want me to talk?” You glanced over your shoulder at him. “Make up your fucking mind.”

It only took a few seconds for you to regret your response entirely. Jeongguk's eyes narrowed at you, and you knew you were in deep shit. You quickly stared ahead, trying to avoid his piercing glare. You then felt his length slap against your ass. It felt hard, way harder than what you remembered. He slid his length between your lips. You mewled as he coated himself in your wetness, jumping a little every time he brushed by your aching clit. Jeongguk leaned forward, wrapping his hand around your neck again before pulling you back until your body was against his.

“This is what you fucking wanted, right?” He said as he lined his tip with your entrance. He pushed into you achingly slow. You both moaned in satisfaction as you stretched around him inch by inch until he bottomed out. Your velvety walls encased his member like you were made just for him. You were so wet and ready for him that he slid in easily. Your knees could go weak just from feeling him inside you again. Then he slowly pulled out until only the tip was left before pushing back in. It took a few strokes for you to get adjusted. It had been a while since you had him inside of you, but once you were accommodated, he picked up the pace.

“Is this why you talk back so often?” He questioned through a clenched jaw. Fuck, did he always sound this hot when he was angry? His voice was low, and his tone was filled with an edge. You loved Jeongguk's normal voice — oddly comforting, deep, and warm — but hearing him when he was angry? A different level of hot. “Cuz you wanted to feel this cock inside you again, huh?”

Yes, a thousand times yes.

If this was all you had to do — piss him off until he had no other choice but to fuck some sense into you — you would’ve done so a while ago. You would’ve pushed his buttons that first day. Then you would’ve pushed them every chance you got after that. You would’ve been getting hate fucked against that raggedy ass bed every single night. Oh, the opportunities you’ve missed out on. His hips snapped into you hard, keeping a steady pace as your moans filled the surrounding area. Your eyes shut as if it was going to help manage the pleasure. He loved hearing those pretty sounds coming out of your mouth, just for him. But as pretty as they were, he was waiting for something specific. His hand squeezed your throat. “Answer me,” he growled into your ear.

You gasped. The pleasure washed over your mind so intensely that it was left fogged. How could Jeongguk expect you to answer him when he was buried inside you? You opened your eyes for a moment, bringing some sense of clarity. You had to weigh your options carefully. If you say yes and admit the truth, he might take pity on you. You didn’t need his pity. What was the worse he could do? Make you so sore that it hurts to walk? Psh, that’s nothing. You were pretty sure you could handle it. What’s walking around like an old-school cowboy for a couple of days? He rammed into you, his patience being tested too much for his liking. You yelped again, his tip applied so much pressure to your cervix that your body shook involuntarily.

“N-No,” you moaned out. “I-I could’ve waited longer. Your dick isn’t that good.”

He scoffed. “Oh really?” He let go of your neck and pushed you back down. Your hands pressed against the car window, partly holding yourself up. How much of a masochist were you? “I didn’t know you were such a filthy liar.” Your walls clenched around his length. You didn’t expect how he was talking to you to turn you on so much. Was it because of Jeongguk himself, or was it because somewhere deep down you enjoyed being degraded? Whatever it was, you loved every second of it. He grabbed onto your hips tightly, stabilizing you as he thrusts into you ruthlessly. Your moans grew so loud that you wouldn’t be surprised if people miles away could hear you.

His cock was so good, repeatedly hitting that spot in your walls that made your eyes roll into the back of your head. You felt the pressure in your lower abdomen continue to build. Your walls clenched around him again, preparing you for the incoming release.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Jeongguk spat. He continued to thrust, pushing you closer to that edge until you suddenly felt empty. You let out an audible gasp, feeling that familiar pressure in your abdomen as it began to diminish. “You don’t get to cum when you talk to me like that.”

Jeongguk continued to pump his length behind you, marveling at how your ass perked up just for him. He placed his free hand on your flesh, palming it. You whined, feeling at your wit's end. Your core throbbed for a release. If this is what being a smart ass got you, forget it. Being denied twice was more than you could handle.

“Please,” you mewled shamelessly. All forms of fight and sass left your system. At this point, all you could think about was your orgasm. “Please let me cum, sir.”

Jeongguk’s cock twitched in his hand. Not once has he been called ‘sir’ before. “Sir?” He mused, reaching down to cup your heat. His fingers rubbed back and forth, catching your clit each time. You trembled as you pressed your hips into his touch, that pressure in your lower abdomen quickly returning. “You gonna be a good girl for me?”

“Yes, sir.”

His fingers then stopped, paying direct attention to your bud as he rubbed it in circles. “You gonna cum all over this dick?”

You whimpered. The thought alone made your walls clench around nothing. “Yes, sir.”

A smirk plastered on his lips as he removed his hand and gave your ass a tap. He aligned himself with your entrance again. “That’s my girl.” He pushed in slow, causing you both to moan. As he resumed the pace he set before, it didn’t take long for you to keep your word. You came on his member, your velvety walls throbbing around him. He groaned loudly, gripping your ass tightly. He didn’t give you a break to let you calm down from your orgasm, riding you through it. You felt too good for him to stop. He turned you into a whimpering mess as a second high built up right after.

You throbbed around him once more, causing a soft chuckle to leave his lips. “Another one already?” He asked, smugness coating his words as he smirked. “What happened to your dick isn’t that good?” You groaned in defeat, knowing he would make you eat your words. His thrusts pushed you into another orgasm, praising you though he still didn’t slow down for your sensitive walls.

This man was absolutely crazy.

Never have you had someone make you cum back to back. And as that pressure began to build up again, you regretted for a split second ever testing him. But it all felt so amazing, making you high off the cocktail of endorphins that pumped through your system. You subconsciously began to press yourself against the car. Your walls clenched around him again. You needed to move away from his thrusts that knew no mercy.

Jeongguk took notice of this almost instantly. He grabbed your hips before pushing himself into you fully. There’s that pressure on your cervix again. “Nuh-uh,” he teased as he pressed tour body against yours. You were pushed further into the side of the car. “Why are you running away from me?” He slid his hands up under your baggy shirt, holding you in place at your waist as his hips resumed snapping into you. Your eyes went cross for a moment before closing.

You were slowly trying to lessen the intensity by slyly moving away. But instead, you were rewarded with a new position. His tip now plowed into your cervix with each thrust. He placed a kiss on the crook of your neck. “Isn’t this what you wanted?” You moaned a yes. “You wanted to be slutted out on the side of the road for everyone to see?” You nodded your head quickly, your mind turning to mush as your body hyper-focused on the area between your legs. “Mm, who would’ve known you’re this naughty?” He then reached his hand in between you and the car. His finger found your clit where he rubbed it side to side in sync with his thrusts. That’s all it took to throw you over the edge again. Your body shook violently, knees threatening to give out as you experienced the most intense orgasm you’ve had. Your cum drenched your thighs as you whimpered out for him.

“Oh fuck,” he groaned out suddenly before pulling out. He didn’t expect your orgasm to push him into his own. His hands disappeared from you, stroking his length before he let out a loud groan. You felt his warm seed sprinkling across your ass, making you hum softly. You wished you could feel him cumming inside you again, filling you up so much that it leaked out as soon as he pulled out. You rested your head against the car as you heard some rustling. You were completely and utterly fucked out. He could ask you what time of day it was, and you would answer morning despite being surrounded in darkness.

You suddenly felt the rough texture of a cheap napkin on your ass as he wiped up his mess. “You couldn’t find something softer?” You grumbled, feeling extra sensitive everywhere.

He chuckled softly, crumbling the used napkin in his hand before turning you around. He pressed a quick kiss to your forehead, mumbling out a soft ‘sorry’. While Jeongguk pulled your underwear and sweatpants up, your gaze caught his. His eyes were sweet and doe-like again. The half smile he offered you made your stomach do a flip. And the way he cupped your cheek so gently — despite the fact he just used the same hand to leave a mark on your ass — before pressing his lips to yours made your heart skip a beat. You melted into him while your knees finally gave out, prompting him to quickly wrap his arm around your waist to hold you up. You both couldn’t help but giggle into the kiss as your arms wrapped around his neck lazily. He pulled away and helped you into the car before getting in himself.

He gave you such tender and careful touches that it made you snicker. He was always gentle with you afterward. It was funny, considering he released a whole new side tonight. A dominating and rough side that made your heat throb from the thought of a round two, even if you were in no shape for it.

“Do you wanna get something small before we head out?” Jeongguk asked, pulling you out of your thoughts.

You nodded as your eyes shut for the moment. You cursed at yourself mentally, remembering that you still had to make dinner after this.

“Want McDonald’s?”

It was dark outside, late into the night. Chaeyoung glanced at her phone screen, the blue light illuminating her face as she double-checked the address sent to her. She has never been to your father’s building — there was never a need for her to know what it looked like due to your immense hatred towards the man. She had the feeling you wanted to separate her from that part of your life, and you would do anything you could to keep it that way. There were times you pushed her into your closet due to an impromptu visit from him and his men. Whenever he would call you, you would either ignore him or leave the house to take the call. When you told her he had passed, she wasn’t stunned by your ecstatic demeanor but more by the fact that she never even got the chance to meet him officially. The difference between families was a cultural shock. You were practically adopted into her household with how often you visited Chaeyoung. Her parents loved you, her brother loved you, and the only family you had left didn’t even know she existed.

She glanced up at the building and compared it to the image on her phone. The pictures looked similar enough, despite the drastic difference between day and night. Either way, she stuffed the phone in her pocket and pushed through. She cautiously approached the door, pushing on the stiff object once before realizing it was locked. Chaeyoung cursed softly to herself, reaching for her phone once again and looking for a specific text. She turned to the keypad and enter a four-digit code.

“Why are there so many codes?” She mumbled to herself before hearing a confirmation beep and walking in. The inside of the building was dimly lit by the soft glow of the computers that apparently stayed on throughout the night. It was almost eerie with how quiet the building was. The only thing she heard was the soft thuds of her converse leading her to the elevator. She had no idea why they insisted on meeting at night. It’s not like she was a secret to them, and she was certain the employees here wouldn’t care much for her presence.

As she waited for the elevator to deliver her to the floor specified in the text instructions, you emerged in her mind for a moment. The corners Chaeyoung’s of lips turned downward. The last time she saw you was when Yunho was dragging her away. It was a quick glance, catching only a sliver of you behind Mingi’s stature. She pressed the man for answers, and he only repeated how much you needed to keep her safe. You were so concerned about Chaeyoung’s safety that you forgot to prioritize your own. She worried and hoped that you would make it home. She slept in your bed for days, but that front door never opened. The moment when you stumbled through the hall, beaten and bruised but alive, to meet her with that weak smile and probably some snarky comment about how your bed smells like her now never came. Chaeyoung’s heart sank. All she desired was that you were alive.

She walked down a dark hallway, seeing a room emitting light towards the end. As she walked inside, she saw the three faces that were beginning to grow familiar to her. Chaeyoung never really hung out with your bodyguards. She only heard of them through stories. The last night she saw you was the second time that she's been around your friends. She would hope that you’d be happy she’s developing a friendship with them.

“Short stuff!” Yunho beamed.

She hated that nickname, but still, this was for you. Her lips pressed into a small smile as she waved at the men.

“Any reason why you couldn’t meet in the day?” She asked, sitting in the empty chair next to Wooyoung. From there, she noticed another man in the room with them. He was unrecognizable to her. Was he a part of your crew? She could’ve sworn that there were only three men you mentioned. Even though the man was boring a hole into the Chaeyoung, he never uttered a word. He never offered a smile. He was like a stone statue. Chaeyoung wasn't even 100% sure he was breathing.

“It’s too risky in the daytime,” Mingi answered simply. He leaned back in your father’s chair, placing his feet upon his chestnut desk. “Employees have been running around like headless chickens since Y/N got kidnapped.”

Chaeyoung figured that. You did mention having to run a few things and tidy up a few ends before you could leave. But she never would’ve thought that without you the place would be in shambles.

“What you got for us?”

She reached into her back pocket and pulled out her phone. She scrolled through a few pictures before stopping at a particular video. Chaeyoung handed the dark-haired man the phone as she looked at him. Mingi then took the phone in his hand and played the video.

“One of my friends works at that club where it fronts as a restaurant. She was filming a live right before the shooting broke out.”

Mingi let out a skeptical hum, wondering where Chaeyoung was leading with this. So far, it seemed like a waste of time. The woman on the screen was talking about her favorite lipstick before he heard the familiar sound of rounds beginning fired. Panic flooded the woman’s features in an instant. And instead of running, as most people did, she only fell back while the camera flipped to her surroundings. Just as he opened his mouth to protest against Chaeyoung’s “ground-breaking” news, he caught a familiar face. Your familiar face. You were holding something close to your chest as you looked around frantically. Then, a man emerged from a room behind you and aimed his weapon at you.

“Hey isn’t that Jackson?!” Yunho commented as he watched the video over Mingi’s shoulder.

“Yep,” was all Mingi responded as he sent the video to himself. He placed Chaeyoung’s phone on the desk, prompting her to grab it.

“So,” Chaeyoung said softly as she looked at the men. That namedrop meant absolutely nothing to her. “What are we gonna do now?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?!” Chaeyoung repeated, raising her voice a little. Everyone’s gaze fell onto her, including Mingi’s piercing eyes. Though she was slightly intimidated, she held her ground. “You know this guy, right? Why aren’t you on the phone with him right now trying to see where she is?”

“Because that doesn’t concern you,” Mingi said as he took his feet off of your desk. “We—”

“Like hell it does!” Chaeyoung yelled, now standing up. “That’s my best friend, and you guys seem way too fucking chill over this newfound information. The person you claim to adore has been missing for over a month now! Yet you still show no sense of urgency. Instead, you’re just playing big boss in her office while she’s going through god knows what!”

Mingi’s face twitched. He didn’t like being yelled at, especially if the person is a foot shorter than him. He stood up from your desk slowly, eyes glued to the woman in front of him. Despite feeling the sudden urge to run away, Chaeyoung held her ground. “You feel better now that you got that off your chest?” Mingi asked.

Chaeyoung didn’t respond, didn’t move an inch, she just stared up at the man whose eyes were filling with hatred within each second that passed. This couldn’t be the same goofball, blabber-mouth, Mingi that you always raved about.

“Good,” he responded without an answer, “now get out.”

“W-What?! No! I need to—”

Suddenly, Chaeyoung's feet were off the ground. Her shirt was crumbled in Mingi’s hand as he pulled her close to him. Her body pressed against the desk uncomfortably as Mingi’s face was now inches from hers. Just as quickly as she realized she was raised in the air, she was tossed to the ground. She landed on her wrist, wincing slightly from the pain before looking up at the man.

“Get out.” He repeated.

She glanced at the other two men for help, only to be met with the top of their heads. Their eyes were glued to the floor, avoiding eye contact with her. They didn’t want to be the next target for Mingi’s rage. Filled with utter disbelief, she scoffed loudly. Her eyes landed on Mingi, glaring at him as she pushed herself off the ground. She dusted off her backside before turning around and leaving, but not without promptly flipping Mingi off. Her angry footsteps carried her towards the elevator. It was up to her and solely her to find you now. The only other people close to you seemed to not care about where you were, at least not as much as Chaeyoung.

The air was uncomfortable in the room after Chaeyoung left. Mingi’s jaw was clenched as his phone began to ring. After answering it, a man on the other end spoke to him. Mingi only hummed in agreement before hanging up. He looked at the other three men in the room, only one of them meeting his gaze with pure curiosity.

“Let’s go.”

“Mmmm,” Jeongguk let out a satisfied hum as he leaned back in his chair. He had one hand on his stomach while the other reached up into the air in a half-assed attempt to stretch out his body. The position caused you to giggle as you reached for his empty plate in front of him. “Y/N, I didn’t know you could cook like that.”

“Yeah, seriously!” Jimin chimed in as he stood up. He began to help gather the rest of the plates left on the table. “All this time you’ve been here, and you’ve been holding out on us?”

“Seokjin hates me,” you stated as you put the stack of dishes you collected in the sink. You didn't know if that was necessarily true — he was kinda nice to you when they had the dinner meeting — but it sure did feel that way. “Why would you think he would let me into his kitchen?”

“I don’t know,” Jeongguk answered before he got up from his chair. He properly stretched out his body, failing to hold back the small shriek accompanied by pulling his muscles. “But you got Namjoon’s approval, which means he’s probably gonna let you cook more.”

“Oh fun times,” you said sarcastically, earning a playful elbow from Jimin.

After your short McDonald’s run and a small argument with Jeongguk about helping carry in some of the groceries, you finally were able to cook. The meal was simple and something your mom used to make for you often as a child. The aroma brought back so many blissful yet painful memories. You were glad everyone — well, almost everyone — enjoyed it. You even got a compliment from Namjoon. You didn’t know he was capable of giving those. Everyone left the table once they were done eating. Everyone had nothing but good things to say about your meal. Jimin and Jeongguk stayed back, mainly because Jeongguk was trying to get a third serving.

You were about to start washing the dishes, but Jeongguk quickly grabbed the sponge from you and bumped you with his hip to move you out of the way. You almost would have argued with him if it wasn’t for the door opening and grabbing your attention. Three heads glanced towards the sound, only to be met with a glare. Taehyung sucked on his teeth as he closed the door behind him. A bag of leftover takeout was in his hand, the items shaking slightly as he took heavy steps toward you. You mirrored his stare, challenging him in this silent intimidation tactic. He insulted your meal earlier, refusing to eat it because if he "wanted to die, he would just have JK shoot him". Needless to say, he was excused from the table.

“So, how was your dinner?” Jimin asked, trying to clear the painfully obvious tension between you two. You and Taehyung have been blessed by the graces of Namjoon. He would make sure you two are never in the same place. Even when you're both at home, one is usually upstairs in a room while the other is socializing with the members. Everyone seemed to understand that you two shouldn't be left alone together for his sake.

“Amazing,” Taehyung replied with eyes still glued on you. “How was the slop Y/N made?”

You sucked your teeth, rolling your eyes as you turned away from him. Slop. How dare he. You should have smacked him for even thinking such a sentence, let alone having the balls to say it.

“It wasn’t slop,” Jeongguk quickly retorted. He didn't give you the chance to think of a reply. “It was actually really delicious. You missed out.”

Taehyung snorted, “Highly doubt it. Why should I trust a word you say?”

Jeongguk raised his head slowly before he looked at the other man. A different type of silence took over for a second.

“What?” Jimin asked as his eyes glanced between the two. “What do you mean by that?” You were wondering the same thing.

Jeongguk’s hands stopped washing the dishes momentarily as he stared at Taehyung, almost daring him to answer the question. Taehyung tried to keep his composure as long as he could, but his gaze was akin to Namjoon’s. There was only so much he could handle before being forced to submit.

He let out a deep sigh, directing his attention to the fridge, where he haphazardly threw his leftovers in. “Nothing,” he said dryly as he slammed the fridge door closed. The items in the fridge shook, causing you and Jimin to glance at each other.

Jeongguk resumed washing the dishes as you and Jimin exchanged a look. Anyone could tell that was bullshit, and something was happening between the two that only they seemed to know about. Taehyung headed towards the stairs without another word, causing Jimin’s face to fill with worry.

“Um,” Jimin almost whispered. “I’m gonna head to bed.” He didn’t wait for a response from you two before heading after Taehyung.

You looked to Jeongguk, hoping he could provide some sort of context to whatever the fuck just went down. But he didn’t spare a glance towards you, just finished off the rest of the dishes before pulling off his gloves.

“What happened just now?” You asked as you finished drying off the rest of the plates.

Jeongguk turned around to face you, leaning against the sink before crossing his arms over his chest. “Nothing.”

Your face went blank as you looked at him. “Nothing?” You repeated, and he nodded his head. “I’m not dumb, Ggukie, I know it was something.” It’s the second time he brushed you off, and you were not fond of that. You just had sex, for fuck sake. The least he could do was keep you in the know.

Jeongguk’s heart instantly started to race. Though the tone was borderline serious, that was the first time his nickname fell from your lips. You’ve heard his other members call him that sometimes, and you thought it was a cute nickname. It felt natural as you said it, and you didn’t even realize you did until there was a pause in the conversation. A smile curled onto his lips, big and goofy. His smile showed how butterflies erupted in his stomach as his heart raced a mile a minute.

“Jeongg—mmf!” Before you could finish saying his name, you felt his lips pressed against yours. He placed his hand on the small of your back, pulling you closer and securing you in place. Your hands rested on his shoulders, returning the kiss before he pulled away.

“It’s nothing, baby.” There goes that word again. He placed his free hand on the side of your face. “Nothing you need to worry about.”

You hummed, slightly unsatisfied by his answer but too distracted to fight it further. One kiss from him, and suddenly you had a one-track mind.

“Come on,” he then pressed a kiss against your forehead. “Let’s go to bed, it’s been a long day.” You nodded in agreement. You would love nothing more than to crawl into bed and cuddle up next to Jeongguk right now. But you knew that wasn’t going to happen. Instead, he was going to take you to your bedroom, kiss you good night, then leave you alone with your thoughts. It wasn’t fair, but that was how it had to be.

You stole a glance, his eyes meeting yours with a glint of desire. Oh, how you wanted to swim in those pools of dark brown all night. You found yourself leaning in and attaching your lips to his. You couldn’t help yourself. He was always so tempting and kissed you like it was going to be the last time when you both knew it wasn’t.

“We. Should. Go. To. Bed,” he said again during each small break.

“Mhm,” you hummed as a smile started to form on your lips. You stood on the tips of your toes, wrapping your arms around his neck as he slid his arms around your waist. You both knew you were going to be down here for a little while longer.

If only either of you realized the eyes witnessing your forbidden affection.

↠ ɴᴇxᴛ :: ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ :: ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ɪɴᴅᴇx ↞

#fic: broken codes #jeongguk smut #jeongguk fanfic #jungkook smut #jungkook fanfic #bts smut #bts fanfic #jeongguk mafia au #jungkook mafia au #bts mafia au #jeongguk x y/n #jeongguk x you #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x you #jungkook x you smut #jeongguk x you smut

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bighitfics · 7 months ago

Text

jeon jungkook fanfics that deserve to be turned into kdramas and selling books.

(a recommendation you badly need) ⭑.ᐟ

Sauvage ౨ৎ by @tljunglebook

— grumpy x sunshine, cold and detached jungkook (who turns into a whipped puppy later on) office romance, slow burn.

(starting off strong! this book’s got the most delicious slow burn to ever exist! screaming at how sexy, dirty minded, down bad & protective for oc jungkook’s in this fic ugh the wattpad girlies already know that they’re my adopted parents)

10 Seconds ᥫ᭡ by @deepdarkdelights

— yandere jungkook, abduction, stalking, stockholm syndrome.

(this series is my first love, i would do anything to read this for the first time again!)

Penpal 𓍯𓂃 by @laughing-with-god

— yandere prisoner jungkook, stalking, breaking in.

(gotta contact some directors and producers to turn this into a drama! it would slay so hard with its refreshing plot line! and tbh no words are enough to describe her writing abilities, she’s a pro✨)

Risqué ✧˖° by @mercurygguk

— age gap, forbidden romance, smut, angst.

(the time stamps and drabbles are the essence of this fic, the smut is so well written! ALSO THE SEGSUAL TENSION AND OVERALL YEARNING MA’AM!? can someone already turn this into a mini netflix series please!?)

About Time ִ࣪𖤐 by @yoonia

— time travel au, major angst, second chances, smut, fluff.

(if i had the chance to devour a book, i’d eat this one (obviously) it’s one of the best books of my life, i would die to see a live version of this)

I Want You To Stay ʚɞ ⁺˖ by @ahundredtimesover

— ceo jungkook, strangers to lovers, slow burn, angst, smut.

(no slow burn ever slow burned the way this story slow burned! lemme warn ya’ll this fic will keep getting better as you read it!)

Bride Of Devil ♰ 𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ by @jasminefanfics

— dark romance, gangster au, enemies to lovers, forced proximity, age gap, kinda yandere husband jungkook.

(my youtube fanfic girlies assemble! this is the best mafia jungkook fic i can recommend for ya’ll! the bgm is so addictive and perfect)

An Abundance Of Luck And A Sprinkle Of Fate 𐙚 by @borathae

— strangers to lovers, romance, found family, smut, angst, healing.

(I remember being unhealthily obsessed with this lord, aaol!kook & oc will forever be my babies TT this book tugs at your heart in a way that’s inexplainable)

ps — have a good read girlies <3

follow for more.

10K notes · View notes

jiminrings · 26 days ago

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mature

pairing: jungkook x reader

wordcount: 8k

glimpse: the good thing about professing your feelings to jungkook is that it'd be over with, whether or not he likes you back — the bad thing is that he rejects you, even if you haven't confessed.

alternatively, crushing on jungkook who's in your friend group is, has, and will never be a good idea.

[ push n pull fic YIPPPEEEEE, fluff, angst, So Much Yearning, friends to lovers trope, jealousy, dunking on a stewpid jk (as one does), arguments that kinda hit home, redemption!! ]

notes: WE R SO BACK!!!! thank u for waiting 🫂🤍

as always, lmk what you think <3 send in feedback n love to my askbox anytime!!

You will never tell Jungkook how desperately you want to be loved.

In your defense (much to Jungkook’s offence), you want to be loved as desperately as he acts on an everyday basis. He’s not pathetic in the sense that he’s hopeless, but rather pathetic in the light that you want the entirety of him (stubbornness and occasional dimness included) to rub off on you.

You want to be loved pathetically in the same way that Jungkook never computes his expenses when it comes to self-indulgence yet always calculates when it comes to actual requirements. You want to be loved as wholly by the guy who can get by one DIY dorm dinner at a time by asking for scraps from the whole floor with a grin and his hands cupped in begging.

Jungkook’s one of your friends, if not the best you’ve ever had, and it’s a miracle that you haven’t jumped at each and every available chance to confess your growing feelings for him.

You bit your tongue that one time he bought you "one of those silly blind boxes you like" on a whim from a bookstore he only went inside to in the first place because he was dying outside in the heat, only to open it for you with your eyes closed and earn you an extra rare figure.

You had to physically restrain yourself (read: clasp your hands together in front of you) when Jungkook made you swap your counterfeit, barely-holding-on kitten heels for his trustworthy slides on the way home because your research presentation prior had you pacing nervously.

Every time that he gives you your tax of whatever he ordered (which always ends up being the best variant that your friend group could possibly order for a meal or a sweet treat), you have to etch into your head clearly, with ballpoint pen, that you will never tell Jungkook how desperately you want him to love you.

Every time that he gives you a one-on-one friend outing, just as he does with everyone else from your circle of ten people and counting (you lost count because you figure that all of you are about to outgrow the long table in the library that nobody else could fill), you convince yourself to never tell him how much you want it to be just you.

You figure that you’ll tell Jungkook that you do hold a candle for him, despite not detailing the extent, in this lifetime— maybe even the next time you get a moment alone with him, but you figure you won’t do it now; now, when he’s berating you for just a tiny sacrifice you made that’s minuscule for everything he does for you and everyone else.

“You’re impossible!” he huffs, his annoyance for you being loud enough to stop his faux display of studying and gather attention from everyone else in the library who actually is. Jungkook holds up his phone for you to read, brows scrunched at your look of amusement. “Jimin told me you were lactose intolerant!”

You can’t figure how and why Jungkook and Jimin’s conversation even flitted towards you when you recall clearly that the lactose-filled meal in question was from two weeks ago. You don’t question it because you already know that even giving it a second thought would already be too pompous of you, and you don’t question either why Jungkook looks too devastated at the realization.

“I just tolerated it,” you snort, burying your nose back into your notes, missing the flash of regret in Jungkook’s features.

He doesn’t know whether he’d feel more sorry over the fact that he didn’t know you were lactose intolerant, or that you didn’t speak up at all to preserve his excitement over eating at the restaurant he wanted to try out.

“But why would you?” he sulks, completely foregoing the textbook he has opened on the same page for the last hour.

You know exactly why you did, but you’d rather not tell Jungkook now.

You’ll tell him some other time, that much you’re sure of, but not now — not now when he’s too devastated over your tummy issues, and not now when he’s just one revelation away from chewing you out over something he has to learn from someone else.

“Your broke ass bought it so I had to,” you murmur, rolling your eyes as you rest your chin on the palm of your hand.

“Foul,” Jungkook immediately chuckles, shaking his head at your retort even if he knows you’re just kidding around (he knows you won’t hurt him like that that), finally opening his laptop.

Jungkook, your friend, finally types on his laptop, yet it’s not for the contribution that he badly needs to put in for a group project.

Instead, he opens up the Google Doc and writes in a bullet point underneath your name, the words do not give cheese acquainted with three exclamation points — along with your name, is the names of your mutual friends and Jungkook’s observations that would come in handy for an outing, a gift, or both.

Jungkook’s that good of a friend, and that’s why you’ll never tell him how desperately you want to be loved by him.

( ♡ )

Getting gifts for someone who has a credit card and has no inhibitions when it comes to buying whatever they want is a difficult task.

Getting Jungkook for Secret Santa this year is even harder than the last, and that was when Jin snuck five strips of his name and left more than five of you (you don’t even know how that happened) without gifts, all while he was laughing to himself after he successfully gaslit everyone into thinking that they were all drunk and made the mistake themselves.

You don’t know what to give Jungkook that he doesn’t already have. He doesn’t have a girlfriend the last time you checked and while you can’t exactly wrap yourself in ugly, recycled kraft paper (as opposed to Jimin’s dumb, all-knowing-about-your-hidden-feelings suggestion), you’d rather not drive Jungkook away, even if you don’t know either how to drive him in.

You don’t have the slightest clue to what his ‘surprise me ;)’ scribble underneath his name means and it makes you feel guilty, far more than he ever could have after Jimin’s revelation of your dietary restrictions.

It’s not the dilemma of who would sit next to who in the large albeit crowded dining table in the cabin that you rented out, nor is it the cooking and wrapping duties that each of you are tasked with that stresses you out this holiday season.

You wish so badly that the largest champagne problem you have at the moment was wondering if your Christmas gift for your nitpicky mom and nonchalant dad back at home arrived in time. You pray that your biggest hurdle is either convincing Namjoon that his room is just cold and not haunted, or breaking off a fight between Eunwoo and Soomin because they keep fighting over whose overpriced film camera will be used for the picture by the tree, or even talking Mingyu down from smacking Jin in his sleep.

The largest champagne problem that you have, even if it’s actually between life and living said life in peace without minding your inevitable heartbreak, is worrying about Jungkook’s gift.

You hold your breath as soon as Hoseok gathers everyone into the living room, your nerves probably getting the best of you because you hear Jungkook hollering to whoever’s closest to the thermostat to adjust it because your teeth kept chattering.

You have nothing to be nervous about, you convince yourself as Jungkook steps up into the middle and awaits with wide arms, your best friend being another victim of assuming that the comically large wrapped present is his (it’s not).

Jungkook doesn’t have any expectations for you to meet, you convince yourself as he becomes even more hyper when he learns that it’s you, so much so that he takes a lap around the backyard with his hands clapping furiously.

You can’t love Jungkook any more than you do now, you realize as you see Jungkook throw his head back in glee when he opens up your gift.

It’s only a Himalayan salt lamp. It’s only a lamp that you didn’t buy for so much. It’s only a thing that Jungkook said to you in passing one time, yet he’s beyond grateful — enough for him to carry you in his arms and take another lap around the backyard.

“God, you love me soooo bad,” he lulls, teasing you mercilessly as he unceremoniously drops you so he could adore the lamp up close. “I always wanted to lick one!”

“You’re so stupid,” you mutter, rolling your eyes at his excitement over something so simple; something so insignificant in the world of thoughtful, expensive gifts.

You affectionately think that Jungkook’s stupid, yet you can’t tear your eyes away from him.

“I didn’t hear a no,” Jungkook hums with his tongue out, eyes wide and flickering between you and the lamp. “Should I do it? Should I? I’m doing-…!”

You put a spoonful of cake into his mouth instead, the whine that escapes his throat still sounding like gratefulness to your ears.

Tonight’s not the night wherein you tell Jungkook how badly you want to be loved by him — not when he’s so preoccupied with his new salt lamp that he keeps daring people to take a lick of, not when he’s the one who’s being convinced that there’s a ghost in Namjoon's room and being bullied into sleeping in.

Not when Jungkook’s being the perfect, lovable friend that he is during the holidays and every other day.

( ♡ )

You’re well-aware that Jungkook’s a catch.

You know that he’s a catch and he’ll never live it down, and neither can you.

You’re very painfully aware that Jungkook’s a catch because you’re reminded of it every single day whenever you’re with your friends. You know that atleast two of them were integrated into the group in the first place because they liked Jungkook, and that doesn’t really bother you (more than it should, atleast) anymore.

Sora’s crush formed out of boredom on Jungkook disappeared as soon as she got a boyfriend, but you understand why her gaze lingered on him in the first place.

Eunji’s crush on Jungkook already dissipated the moment she learned about his GPA, but you get why she had been attracted to his charm anyway.

You know that he’s a catch and that he’s not solely yours either, and the latter makes you humble.

“There’s flowers on your desk again,” you point out, the arrangement irking you for more reasons than one. “Why do you have to be so popular and handsome.. and lovable,” you mumble, the tail end of your mini rant barely being heard by Jungkook because he's too busy admiring his gift.

“What’s that now?” Jin piped up, eyebrows furrowed upon picking up your angry muttering. He's beyond confused, maybe just as much as you are, when you just snarl at him for his unintentional use of supersonic hearing.

“And why do I have to sit next to you even if I have allergies,” you redirect your attention to Jungkook who has to sweep the flowers to a beaten-up paper bag for safekeeping, the item in his backpack being the most used object for all of the admiration towards him.

“Because you’re the best-est friend ever,” he rolls his eyes, the faux pout on his lips surprisingly softening you instead of the opposite. “And maybe I’m the worst-est one to keep putting you through this.”

“You sound so stupid,” you reply automatically, crossing your arms and keeping them there. “But you’re right,” you exhale through your nose, conceding your defeat over willingly letting him put you through this, carrying the blame by yourself.

Jungkook doesn’t only act like this with you anyway. There’s no special treatment, there’s no false hopes being promised — it’s just you genuinely happening to fall for him.

“Come on, just tolerate it! Pinch your nose or something!”

“Why should I? Find another seatmate,” you sulk, making a point to angle your back away from him and towards Jin who’s at your right, doing his best at holding in a laugh over how ridiculous the both of you look.

“Obviously you’re the one with the latest phone so you have to take pictures of me with the flowers!” Jungkook whines, punctuating his sentence with a hand on his hip. He’s sulking because you’re sulking, and you’ve never hated him more at the moment. “Why else would I force you to sit with me?”

Jungkook’s stupid, and so are you, so you’d rather not tell him how desperately you want to be loved by him today.

( ♡ )

In all fairness, you thought you would lose nothing.

You thought you would lose nothing because in the first place, you barely expected anything out of Jungkook. Liking him didn’t mean that you were indebted to him, and liking you back isn’t something that he owed to you either.

You weren’t expecting Jungkook to fall on his knees and say something stupid to hint at his mutual love for you (although you did think about it a couple of times), but you atleast expected a little bit of respect from him to try and see the strength it took you to even confess.

You planned it perfectly, even taking a page off his book and making a whole word document for it wherein you spent days typing whatever crossed your mind throughout the day and erasing what seemed the most impossible throughout the night.

In your word document, you and Jungkook would be out in the snow, skating in an outdoor rink even if neither of you know how to. You figure that you won’t attempt to drag (read: hobble with) him to the middle of the ice because in case he doesn’t like you back, the waddle back to the exit wouldn’t be as awkward; if Jungkook does like you back, you’ll still be hobbling to the exit, albeit happily.

In your word document, there’s a spine of a script that you would say when the day comes. You’ll skim along the lines of how you’ve never been so enamored with someone in your entire life (with the internal note that you’ll dial it back a bit if his expression turns sour), of how bright he makes your days for you, and how he doesn’t have to be obligated to like you back.

In your word document, you’re set. You’ve planned a foolproof blueprint of what would turn out, whether or not Jungkook is set on loving you the way you desperately want to be —

Except now, Jungkook completely undoes everything you’ve ever worked for.

Now, he looks at you with a glint in his eye that looks more apologetic than it is endearing. You don’t even know what led to your heartbreak exactly because one minute, you were just studying, and by the next, Jungkook’s already letting you down even if you haven't had the chance to rise.

You swear on your life that you weren’t giving any signals at all that you were actually about to confess. You were only silent, refusing to talk to him because you were too stressed over your task and that you were scared you would burst into tears if you tried mouthing the formula out loud, yet Jungkook mistakes it for your love.

Whatever you do on a daily basis, whatever you do based on your nature, Jungkook mistakes it for a confession that he wasn’t even supposed to hear until the end of the week.

He wasn’t wrong about the fact that you love him — what he’s wrong about is his assumption that your silence around him when it’s just the two of you, right now while you lose your mind over an assignment as you’re dressed in last week’s sweater and last semester’s horror, is your confession.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” Jungkook winces, gently patting you on the shoulder as you’re yet to digest his rejection. “But I just don’t think we’ll work out.”

( ♡ )

You theorized that getting over Jungkook would be fairly easy on the chance that he rejects you after your confession.

You figure that Jungkook himself as a concept would be drastically difficult to move on from because he was just so lovable. He doesn’t know how to read a room and it’s one of his better quirks when you’re worrying over nothing. He doesn’t know much about knowing when to let up, and it comes in clutch when he’s pushing you to wholeheartedly do an assignment even if you’re already burnt out from crying.

Jungkook, as a concept, is indestructible. He’s the everyday variant of the goodness that some frat guys possess occasionally. He’s the realistic, attainable version of a main lead in a manhwa that’s only perfect 1/4 into the plot.

He’s the manifestation of every good deed a stranger has done for you, except he’s someone you know with your heart and not just someone you could sketch from memory.

With that, you also figured that moving on from Jungkook can’t be that hard because he was too out of reach despite being in the same friend group as you. Surely, it wouldn’t be so catastrophically hard to move on from a guy who just gasps for air every five minutes when he’s in charge of cooking in the BBQ hangout (instead of using the exhaust like a normal person), or from a guy who thinks citing references for a paper is only a suggestion.

The funny thing about it all is that you never actually confessed to Jungkook.

Actually (and contrary to the assumptions of the other friends you have from your circle), you’ve never said it to his face that you do have a crush on him. You’re ultimately known to be the friendliest person to ever walk the campus, and while not the most confrontational, they atleast expected for you to confess to Jungkook in your own way.

What actually happened was that Jungkook read through you — he does happen to be right about your feelings for him! He’s the second friendliest person right beneath you, and so the way he rejected you should never sting this much.

Jungkook thought it out meticulously. He read into the way you spent extra attention listening to him with your eyes practically gleaming. He read into the way you’d lag back behind him and hold him by his wrist whenever you were all crossing the street. Hell, he even read into the way you would take a shot at opening the extremely tight water bottle from the vending machine before everyone else.

The funny, tragic thing about it is that whilst Jungkook wasn’t wrong about pinpointing your feelings for him — you never confessed.

Jeon Jungkook, the second, ultimate friendliest man that your university has ever known, rejected you without even hearing the actual words from you.

He’s turned his back on you even before you could reach him, and the realization sinks in you unsettlingly. You never expected for him to like you back because it would be unfair of you, and you knew that; what just happened to hurt you most was that Jungkook didn’t even think twice.

He hadn’t given you the chance to pour your heart out at the very least.

He hadn’t even given you the space to breathe right after the rejection, because he skips and puts a smile on before winking, telling you that he’ll never speak of it again because you must probably be embarrassed.

The funniest thing about it all is that you aren’t embarrassed — you’re actually devastated about it.

It’s an odd event for Jungkook to feel lonely because with such a big friend group, he never thought he’d feel a little empty despite literally rubbing elbows in a circular table. He never thought he’d come to be a little annoyed at Jimin and his routine, playful, borderline offensive banter he’d always have with you at the top of the morning, and he never thought he’d even be more annoyed over the absence of it.

There’s one less laugh in the circle. One less bag strewn underneath the table, one less coffee order written on the notes app, and one less person to look for when hanging out.

You’re missing from the friend group, and oddly enough, Jungkook seems to be the most devastated about it.

“Why is Y/N not here?” he asks in the middle of Jin retelling his drunken fishing story, grabbing the attention of everyone in the table and maybe just about everyone else’s in the common area with the way his voice is frantic. “And why is she there with the new kid instead?”

Everyone flits through separate conversations after Jungkook’s interruption, some even wincing to themselves because although they know about your admiration for the guy and not your confession-that-wasn’t-one, they figure that nothing good could come out of Jungkook sucker-punching the new kid in his head.

“I don’t know, man. Buddy system, maybe?” Jin shrugs, stealing his food because it was obvious that Jungkook’s attention is everywhere but himself and the table.

Jungkook snorts, crossing his arms tightly to the point that even he feels a little suffocated. His entire face is crumpled with hurt, eyebrows furrowed out of frustration when you still aren’t looking at him; when you’re still not looking at him with confusion in your eyes, silently telling him off for glaring.

“Buddy system? We’re in uni. Who the fuck would bully that guy?”

“By the looks of it, probably you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he huffs, refusing to unclench his fists on his thighs.

“Well, what’s it to you that Y/N’s hanging out with someone new? What are you so heated for?” Jin elaborates, eyes flitting to you again.

Jungkook could only glare at you.

“What are you so nosy for?” he asks defensively, leaning back on his chair in a faux display of relaxation when all he wants to do is to remove the stupid smile on the guy’s face as he watches you talk.

Unlike Jungkook, Yoongi’s not stupid at all — in fact, he’s been vigilantly aware of Jungkook’s glare on the side of his face ever since you sat in front of him.

Yoongi’s not stupid, so he angles himself in a way that Jungkook gets to see him more. He doesn’t know the guy personally, but he does know of him and his “charm” that seems to make everyone go nuts for him.

If looks could kill, then Yoongi would’ve already had mourners at his feet, but if provocation could posion, then Jungkook would already be frothing at the mouth.

The thing is, Yoongi doesn’t even know about your admiration nor your foiled confession to Jungkook. The latter hasn’t even done anything personally to him.

All he knows is that you’re in a big friend group and that you chose to sit with him, your friend whom you share a couple of advanced classes with but not a friend-friend like Jungkook is, and that you’re very easy on the eyes and admirable yourself if he thinks about it (he doesn’t need much time to ponder over it) — and, that he doesn’t really like being glared at.

“No really, I insist!” he laughs, pulling out his handwritten reviewer from a backpack with a grin. “I don’t know anybody else who likes making reviewers anymore by hand, so really, you’re just perfect to get them.”

“But you worked so hard on them,” you gasp, eyes already widening in both surprise and awe at the thick stack of papers in front of you. Yoongi’s handwriting and formatting are perfect; there’s no unnecessary calligraphy, the vividness of the highlighter is just right, and there’s even sticky notes at the bottom for additional details and references you could cross-check. “I.. I don’t want you to feel that I’m taking advantage-…”

“But I offered! You didn’t ask for reviewers from me shamelessly like every other opportunist does,” Yoongi laughs, throwing his head back as he slides the papers closer to you. “I’d be a really shitty senior not to give you any help. If anything, I think you deserve even better than-…”

Jungkook can’t resist.

Jungkook can’t take any more of watching you and Yoongi push and pull over whatever topic he can’t hear nor force Jin to eavesdrop on. He can’t take another second of seeing you be so happy talking to a guy that he doesn’t know, so much so that he comes up to you without a second thought.

“Hey,” he greets, his body only turned to you, completely ignoring Yoongi and blocking him off from your sight. “You didn’t order any coffee.”

You angle your body slightly to excuse yourself, except Jungkook conveniently happens to mirror your every move, confusing you even more. “Oh, I wasn’t feeling like it,” you trail, looking up at him in confusion while Yoongi could see right through him.

“Really?” Jungkook replies, the smile on his face being far from amused, eyes narrowed as he tries to catch up with the own annoyance that he harbors. “Because I’m seeing two coffees right now, and one’s in front of you, so…” he trails, shrugging his shoulders exaggeratedly.

Jungkook’s jaw is still clenched, along with his fists by his sides. He’s standing tall between you and Yoongi with his shoulders squared and his face steeled, the immovable forces that are him and the unnamed pit in his stomach starting to garner attention.

Namjoon has his phone out.

Hoseok only has one cheek remaining on the seat because he’s ready to stand up and collect bets.

You’re still sitting, mostly confused, when you realize the attention that’s starting to build towards the three of you.

“Yes, Jungkook. Great observation,” you snicker, the discreet roll of your eyes making him take offense.

“Oh okay, I see. So you were lying by saying that you weren’t feeling it, and I don’t get the hold-up of you-…”

“What did you come here for now, Jungkook?” you angrily whisper, keeping your head down as you retain your gaze on him and lightly tap at the table to indicate to Yoongi for the both of you to move. “It’s a little far-fetched for you to come all over here to pick a fight about coffee.”

Jungkook huffs, turning his head back to Yoongi behind him because he most definitely saw your signal. The lazy, amused gaze of Yoongi is what sets him off even further, the anger in his eyes unmistakable, except you recognize it for only what it is and not jealousy, because Jungkook doesn’t see you like that.

Or atleast that’s what the both of you assume.

Jungkook, your best friend, scoffs loudly.

“You sound so defensive right now.”

( ♡ )

You don’t respond much to Jungkook’s calls.

As a matter of fact, you don’t respond much to Jungkook at all.

You don’t show up whenever he’s present, meaning that you’re only magically available whenever there’s half of your friend group at the most because if there’s more, then the search for the missing members would ensue, then you’d end up squished in a long table next to Jungkook again.

It’s very much like him to form grudges, yet he can’t even tell if he’s capable of having one towards you. Jungkook, with all his chest and afflictions, wants so badly to hate you because you’ve been blowing him off ever since he literally and physically came between you and Yoongi.

He apologized to you for that (and not to Yoongi because he didn’t really matter to him at all), and he doesn’t know the answer for it yet because his messages still remain unread. He’s enlisted the help of your mutual friends on various occasions by trying to get them to give all his little treats for you, yet you refuse them as soon as you catch wind that it’s from Jungkook.

He even tried studying for real in the library in hopes that reverse psychology (he thinks that’s what it’s called) would work and that thinking he doesn’t want you to come would make you do the opposite, yet it still doesn’t work. Jungkook’s already mad that he studied for nothing (he’s more interested in getting you to notice him than to actually learn), but he becomes even more heated to realize that your anger for him is just directed at him alone.

You still talk to your best friends, with the exception of him, and Jungkook has never been more envious of people who are apparently of the same status as him.

Jungkook wants you to drag him like you drag Sora to the nail salon and have you whisper at his ear to tell the nail tech not to cut your cuticles because you’ve been afraid of getting them done since that 1/34th part of a medical drama episode you watched on your phone.

Jungkook wants you to complain to him like you complain to Namjoon when you’re frustrated with a professor whom you’re convinced is only critical to you and no one else, later making him promise not to tell anyone else from your friend group because they like said professor.

Jungkook wants you to run to him as you always did, just because you feel like it. He wants to sit in silence with you again and put his hand on your knee when you’re in the verge of tears just looking at your schedule for the week.

He wants to stand guard again outside the bathroom door of the expensive coffee shop because it’s either the lock is broken or because Namjoon's managed to instill in you the existence of ghosts in cold spots.

He wants to be the Jungkook like you’ve always known, again, because it seems like you’ve forgotten him completely. You have the Yoongi now, it seems like — the smarter, more composed, and more charismatic variant of him that he wants to get rid of because Jungkook never predicted the existence of him.

Even more, Jungkook didn’t even entertain the concept of him being replaced because it was always the two of you together, even in a sea of friends.

He’s your best friend, your confidant even, but nothing more — all Jungkook feels is that he’s even less than the status the both of you are assigned to be.

He’s angry and sad and disappointed all at the same time because he thought he had almost lost you since he rejected your confession. You were fine; you were as fine as you could be for someone rejected when it comes to yearning to be his, and yet the moment you let Yoongi in, Jungkook feels as if you threw everything the both of you had just for him.

“Just so you know, student-teacher relationships are illegal,” he corners you one morning in your dorm, two godforsaken weeks after chasing you around the campus yet turning up empty.

“What the fuck are you on about?” you immediately scrunch your nose at him, the accusation he throws at you being too farfetched to the point that you don’t even think of shutting the door at him, ignoring Eunji’s betrayal for you by pretending to come over.

“What am I on about?” Jungkook exasperates, the scoff that leaves him making you feel small in front of him. “You’re literally the one who’s getting chummy with fucking Yoongi of all people!"

"Yoongi's a teaching assistant! He's our senior! Do you not know that?"

"Do I look like I'm interested in any other people outside of our circle?" he retorts, lips turned up in a snarl. Jungkook provokes you with a sarcastic glare, the look on his face enough to make you throw your head back in irritation.

"Come on, even Jin and Jimin are friends with Yoongi and-..."

"This is not about them!"

"But you just-..." you stop as soon Jungkook interrupts you, losing your gaze on him for a single second to close your door and when you look back, you find that he’s already comfortable being vindictive on your bed, his arms crossed and his back straight.

"Also, teacher and teaching assistant both have the word teach so it's literally still illegal," he narrows his eyes sarcastically, the tone to his voice unclear despite his words suggesting otherwise. "You look so stupid right now."

"Jungkook can you stop?!" you burst, your temples stinging at the back and forth that Jungkook’s thrown the both of you in. “What the hell is going on with you?"

Jungkook had sworn to himself up and down that he has so much stuff to pick with you. He knows he has so much baggage to unpack and how much shit he has to bring up, even if it’s only been two weeks with you. He’s partly relieved that you’re in front of him and you still haven’t fled, yet a large part of him is beyond frustrated with you because you don’t even look like as if your time apart has taken a toll on you.

Between the two of you, it’s only Jungkook who looks like his distraught has manned him completely beyond surrender. Even coming to see you by hatching a plan with a hesitant friend is something he considers an act beyond surrender — whatever the space is between surrender and demand is where Jungkook lies with you.

"No, what's going on with you!” he argues, standing to his feet to come face-to-face with you. “You can't just spin this around when I've done nothing but be a good friend to you!"

"You think I'm not being a good friend to you just because I don't spend every single minute attached to you? I can still hang out outside of our friend group without being-..."

"This is not about our friend group!" Jungkook emphasizes once again, the tell-tale sting of tears behind his eyes coming up because he feels as if you can’t hear him no matter how much he repeats himself. ”This is about us and how you abandoned me ever since I rejected you!"

"I didn't abandon you, Jungkook!" you spit, pushing at his chest lightly with your finger to get him to back up from your face yet he refuses to. He’s still insistent at staring you down with his jaw clenched, eyes wide and unblinking because he knows that if he moves even just a millimeter askew, he’d cry. “You didn't even give me the chance to confess to you! You rejected me without even hearing me out. Do you think I would still be able to talk to you, face to face like how you want so badly, as if nothing happened?"

"The answer would've been the same even if you confessed,” he grits with his chest heavy, not at the way he keeps holding his breath in order not to break down in front of you, but because you look at him with so much disdain that it makes him want to puke.

"Do you not think I know that?" you laugh humorlessly, gnawing on your bottom lip as you don’t drop his gaze. “Do you think I didn't prepare for that possibility? I knew what could've happened if I confessed and I'd still be okay with it, Jungkook!" you raise your voice, throat already giving out at the slightest pressure because you know you lost the fight ever since you let him in. "What I'm not okay with is that you didn't even give me the chance.”

It’s evil, really, with the way no amount of self-pity could ever pull you from the grave you’ve dug up. You went for Jungkook, carrying all grief you knew you were bound to feel, and yet you still feel unprepared. You still feel unworthy even moping for someone like Jungkook because not even his rejection, nor anyone else’s acceptance of your admiration by some sort of miracle, is enough to make you feel like you’d be missed.

Your two weeks without Jungkook is your rehearsal for the two months, then two years, then two forevers eventually without him by your side. You had still been able to live by yourself and with your friends, excluding him, and you thought you were fine because it feels as if nothing had changed.

You thought you were fine until Jungkook gets in your face to tell you that it’s not, and all over again, you’re reminded of how desperately you want to be loved by him to the point that you’d rather drown in your own pity to try and preserve whatever’s left of you.

"I told you the answer would-..."

"Shut up!" you cry, steeling your nerves when you realize that Jungkook’s angrily crying in front of you, wiping at his eyes hastily. ”For the love of god, shut up!"

Jungkook stays quiet, not because you told him to, but because nothing good comes to mind when he realizes that you’re crying because of him.

"See? You don't even get where I'm coming from because you're not even giving me the chance to explain myself without making it all about you,” you sob, finally pushing him away, to which he lets you. "That's the problem with you, Jungkook. You're too self-involved."

"Not true," Jungkook whispers, shaking his head earnestly even if he feels the stupidest he has ever did in his life in front of you.

He follows your steps out of routine even if his brain had convinced his system that he hates you just seconds ago, arms instinctively trying to crowd you when you almost trip on the flooring on your way to the coat rack.

"Since you keep insisting that I abandoned you," you chuckle dryly before grabbing your jacket, turning your back on Jungkook and on your own space, which had just been the default hangout place of the both of you for the longest time, in pursuit of your own quiet without him. "Let me follow through."

Jungkook doesn’t want to tell you how desperately he wants you to want him again, to love him as you already did, and neither do you.

( ♡ )

The perks of having a big friend group is that the absence of several members wouldn’t make that much of a difference when it comes to hanging out. It would still sustain itself without a few extra voices joining in on the chatter watching movies and the bullying when it comes to a forgotten birthday greeting here and there.

The downside of being in one, is that said big friend group doesn’t matter at all to Jungkook when you’re not in it.

The lengths that your friend (read: a word that Jungkook’s come to abhor) has went through since your fight at your dorm are basically incomprehensible because he’s fully involved himself.

He’s pining after you pathetically, just like how you had always dreamed of, yet seeing him take turn after turn just trying to gain your forgiveness for something you’ve always pitied yourself for makes you feel guilty.

In Jungkook’s defense, he wants to be forgiven and loved (again) as desperately as he acts on an everyday basis. Not only is he pathetic in the sense that he’s hopeless, but also pathetic in the light that he wants the entirety of you (stubbornness and occasional sharpness included) to rub off on him.

“I know I’m stupid. I-I.. I know that I was unfair for not even letting you confess your feelings because I felt like dying when you started to ignore me,” he mumbles to your bedsheets, his legs crossed on the ground and his head muffled by the fabric because he doesn’t even want to sit next to you in fear of you revoking his chance to apologize in person, again, as if that’s not what he had been doing the past weeks. “Y/N, you don’t deserve someone as stupid as me and I hate it so, so bad.”

The sound of Jungkook apologizing to you has already been repeated enough to the point you’ve learned when to tune him out, but with the way his heart precedes his tone this time, you stop folding your clothes in favor of Jungkook who’s just two seconds away from passing out on your bed by fabric conditioner-bathed quilt-induced suffocation, to which he couldn’t pass up on because it was your scent and he missed hugging you.

“I can’t catch up with you on anything that you’re talking about with Yoongi. The only times I open a book are when I want to look at you but I don’t want you to see me. I can’t— I can barely even talk to you without feeling like I’m beneath you,” he admits lowly, the truth of his rejection finally springing up a little too much, and almost a little too late. “I thought, stupidly, that we wouldn’t work because you deserve someone better.”

“I don’t need you to catch up with me, Jungkook,” you murmur, lightly slapping his cheeks because he looks sleepy from all the sniffing he’s done on your quilt, but really, his eyes are only narrowed into slits because he feels like he’s about to cry. Again.

“But I need to, b-because when we run out of things to talk about that you’re willingly to dumb down to my level, what else could we catch up on?”

“You’re not stupid. I just say-…”

“No. Don’t make excuses for me,” he laughs lightly, still sat on your carpet obediently like a dog because he doesn’t want to push your boundaries. “I’m beneath you and I didn’t want to drag you down with me because I.. I didn’t feel that you deserve me,” he confesses. “But I want you so badly, Y/N. You have no idea.”

Jungkook wants you so badly, that in your insistence of self-pity, it was his self-preservation that led him to cry by himself when you finally left the library after not-confessing to him.

He wants you so badly, that in his fit of self-preservation disguised into stubbornness, he had tamped down his desperation for you.

“I want to catch up with you, not you to slow down for me,” Jungkook rests his chin on your thigh, his wide, pleading eyes looking up at you. “I’m so sorry, my baby. I’m so, so, so sorry for being stupid enough to let you go the first time,” he tilts his head, resting his cheek on your awaiting hand. “Please. I’m just begging you to slow down for me this one time,” Jungkook swallows the lump in his throat, nudging your hand gently with his cheek. “Please let me look stupid trying to earn you.”

Jungkook, without fail, tells you how desperately he wants to be loved by you.

#heh :D HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!#jungkook imagine #jungkook oneshot #jungkook oneshots #jungkook angst #jungkook angst imagine #jungkook fluff #jungkook x reader #jungkook x y/n #jungkook au #jungkook scenario #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x you #bts jungkook imagine #jungkook scenarios #jeon jungkook x reader #jeongguk imagine #jeongguk oneshot

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girlygguk · 3 months ago

Text

NOT IN THAT WAY | JJK (m)

summary in which you're hopelessly in love with your best friend, min yoongi. meanwhile, your other best friend, jeon jungkook, is hopelessly in love with you.

★ based on this request ★

pairing non idol!jk x fem!reader (slightly ft. min yoongi)

wordcount 30k (20k main post, 10k reblog due to block limit)

genre childhood bffs2l, fluff, angst, smut

rating 18+ minors do not interact

content jk&oc 21 | yoongi&jia 22, unrequited love everywhere, yoongi is kind of villainized 😞, toxic friendships, jk and oc are v touchy n lovey friends, pining, pushover & lowk naive oc, protective jk, simp jk, a touch of he hates everyone but her trope, a lot of clichés, a lot of flashbacks, heated-ish arguments, panic/anxiety attack, alcohol consumption, a lil bitta jealousy, kissing under the influence, smoking (ciggies), cursing, non-detailed sex scene w yoongi, happy ending because it's me 😭 explicit content; dirty talk, nipple play, clit play, cunnilingus, condomless p in v sex (oc on pill), toy usage during sex (vibrator), multiple orgasms, creampie, lots of pillow talk

author's note this fic was basically built entirely in my old writing style, & while i did a fuckktonnn of editing, i'm still not 100% happy with the final product. but it's either post it now or i'll never post it! also... during said edits.. i think i took out most of the angst? 😭 i'm sorry angst luvvers, this is like 60% pure fluff and filth 😭

don't forget to read part 2! link at the end 🩷 (or don't, i wouldn't blame u xx)

main masterlist | join my taglist | banner credit

The rain drums against the windows of Jungkook’s Jeep as you cradle a six-pack of strawberry soju on your lap, the bottles clinking slightly with each bump in the road.

Jungkook hums softly to an old Linkin Park track from the mixtape he's played a hundred times before, the nostalgia pulling you in until you find yourself humming along without even realizing it.

He’d picked you up from your place not long ago, with a quick stop at the liquor store for beer and snacks, and now the two of you were about ten minutes away from Yoongi and Jia’s apartment.

You’ve been best friends with them for as long as you can remember—Jungkook, Yoongi, and Jia. Jungkook, just a little longer than the others. Growing up on the same street, realizing that the boy with the big bunny smile from your second-grade class lived right next door—it almost felt like fate.

‹ ‹ ‹

“How was school, honey?” Your mom leaned down to wrap you in a hug, her soft bangs brushing against your cheek.

Eight-year-old you giggled at the ticklish feeling before grabbing her hand and tugging her excitedly toward the school gates, eager to begin the walk home. “It was so fun, eomma! My teacher let us watch a movie since we finished all our work early!”

“Oooh, that’s nice, sweetie.” Your mom smiled warmly, easily keeping pace with you, her strides leisurely next to your quick, hurried steps.

The two of you chatted happily about your day, your little hand swinging in hers, when something up ahead caught your attention.

“Oh? Jeongguk-ssi!” you called out, your voice high with excitement.

Your mom followed your gaze and saw a young boy, about your age, walking just ahead of you. He turned at the sound of his name, curiosity lighting up his big eyes.

“Y/N-ssi? Hey!” Jungkook waved with that trademark bunny smile, and without missing a beat, you pulled your mom along as you ran up to him.

“I didn’t know you walked home!” you exclaimed, beaming. “This is my eomma!” You introduced her proudly while your mom greeted both Jungkook and his mother. “We’re walking home too!” you added with a grin.

“Cool,” Jungkook beamed before patting his mom on the arm. “This is my eomma! We live just down there.” His little hand reached out to point at a street just within view.

“No way!” you screeched, eyes wide in disbelief as you whipped around to look at your mom for confirmation. “That’s our street!” you shouted, practically buzzing with excitement.

“Wow… and we’re in the same class? This is getting weird,” Jungkook muttered, equally amazed. You both stood there, nodding at each other with wide, stunned eyes.

Your moms laughed at your expressions before yours turned to his. “Should we walk together?”

“Yes!” you cried, bouncing on your toes. “I want to talk to Jeongguk-ssi about the movie we watched today!”

You didn’t even wait for an answer, slipping out of your mom’s grasp to walk beside Jungkook, chattering away as if you’d known each other for thirty years already.

Jungkook’s mom chuckled, falling into step with yours as they followed closely behind, chatting about mom things while you and Jungkook walked ahead, engrossed in your conversation about 'Robots'. You were so caught up that you didn’t even realize you’d arrived home until your mom gently pulled you to a stop.

“We’re home, sweetie. Time to go in and start your homework before dinner. You’ll see Jungkook tomorrow, okay?” Your mom’s soft voice pulled you from your excitement, and you looked up at her with a pout.

“Okay…” you sighed, turning back to Jungkook, who was still smiling at you. His expression confused you. He wasn’t sad to leave like you were… Why wasn’t he upset? You thought the conversation was going great…

“Y/N-ssi, I live right there!” Jungkook exclaimed suddenly, bouncing on his toes as he pointed toward the house directly next to yours.

Your eyes followed where he pointed before snapping back to him in an instant, your pigtails flying. “Wow! We can walk to school together and-and walk home together and talk about movies! And you’re wearing a Superman t-shirt, and I’ve seen half of the Superman movie! This is so cool!”

Jungkook didn’t correct you—his shirt wasn’t Superman, it was Iron Man, his favorite hero of all-time. But he didn’t care. He just grinned, matching your excitement with a big nod.

Jungkook’s mom chuckled again, tapping him on the shoulder. “Okay, Gukkie, we better go start your homework, too.” She turned to your mom with a warm smile. “I’ll give you a call later to talk about what we mentioned before, Bora?”

“Yeah, absolutely. Thanks, Hyomin.” Your mom gave her arm a quick squeeze before gently guiding you inside.

“Bye, Gukkie! See you tomorrow!” you called out, using the nickname you heard his mom call him as he walked up his driveway with her.

“Bye, Y/N-ssi! See you tomorrow!” he grinned before disappearing inside with Hyomin.

The next day, your moms walked you both to school, chatting as they went, and when they left, they seemed to head off in the same direction.

That evening, you found out they’d gone for coffee to get to know each other better, and it turned out they got along incredibly well. At the time, their husbands were the ones working while they stayed home to care for the kids and the house. It wasn't long before they were exchanging recipes, enjoying wine nights together, and becoming each other’s go-to babysitters whenever one had an appointment. Soon, they were inseparable.

Just like you and Jungkook.

› › ›

You first met Jia and Yoongi about six months later, when you and Jungkook moved up to third grade. It was a combined class of third and fourth-graders, with Jia and Yoongi a year older than you both. Since the activities were separated by gender, you and Jia naturally grew close, always being paired up or placed in the same groups for subjects. It was the same for Jungkook and Yoongi.

Jia was beautiful. From the day you met her, you knew she was in a league of her own with her looks— naturally wavy raven hair, long lashes, and starry eyes that made her stand out in any crowd.

As you all grew older, Jia only became more stunning, her confidence blossoming with age. By high school, she had every boy wrapped around her finger. And she knew it.

What you didn’t expect, though, was for Yoongi to be one of those boys.

Jungkook was the first to know about your insatiable crush on Yoongi. Of course he was. He was your best friend, the peanut butter to your jelly, the moon to your light. You’d confided in him when you first realized around middle school that your feelings for Yoongi had shifted, that you didn't just like him as a friend anymore.

You told Jia, too. But she seemed to brush it off as just an innocent childhood crush, something that would fade with time. When she and Yoongi only grew closer, eventually making it official during your senior year of high school, you felt like you were going to die.

You love Jia. She's an incredible friend, and she deserves all the good things the boy you were in love with had to offer.

But no matter how hard you tried to convince yourself that you weren’t a jealous person, the ache in your chest was impossible to ignore. And every time you visit their shared apartment, which they moved into not long after their second anniversary, you can’t stop that very ache from resurfacing as soon as you step through the threshold.

“Hey. We’re-o—”

Jungkook’s words die on his lips as soon as he steps into the doorway of Yoongi and Jia’s apartment, his body freezing in place. You don’t have time to stop, bumping into his back, the soju in your arms rattling with the impact. Jungkook turns around to steady you before Jia's voice rips through the room.

“You always fucking do this! I’m so sick of it, Yoongi! Seriously! I can’t fucking take it anymore!” She storms toward the kitchen counter, snatching up her jacket and keys. Her eyes pass right over you and Jungkook as if you weren’t there, and she shoves past you both in her rush to leave.

“Yeah, walk away like you always do, Jia.” Yoongi’s laughter is bitter as he follows her to the door. “I’ll see you at, what, 10 o’clock when you come crying back, saying that you’re sorry and you overreacted again?”

You exchange a glance with Jungkook, both of you fidgeting uncomfortably with the drinks in your hands. This was just supposed to be one of your usual Friday hangouts… but instead, you’ve walked straight into a war zone.

Jia’s already halfway down the hall when she whirls around, her eyes blazing with venom. “No, I won’t.” Her voice is sharp, her tone final. “I’m done, Yoongi. We’re done.”

Yoongi’s face falters immediately, and in all the years you’ve known him, you’ve never seen him look this lost. “What?” His voice softens, a note of desperation creeping in as he steps toward her. She shakes her head, holding up a hand to stop him.

“I’m serious, Yoongi. I can’t do this anymore. We need a break… some time apart.”

Even though they fight often, the look on Yoongi’s face tells you that this is different. That maybe she’s never called it quits like this before.

“Wh—jagi? No, don’t—no… just get some air? Please? We’ll talk later, okay?” Yoongi’s voice cracks, and you feel your brows furrow, your heart aching at his tone.

Jungkook silently sets his beer on the counter, gently taking the soju from your arms and placing it beside his. He returns to your side, his arm slipping around yours. The warmth of his touch grounds you, but your eyes stay fixed on the man you love, who looks like he’s about to fall apart right in front of you.

“This is toxic. We’re toxic, Yoongi. We fight every single day. This isn’t love… this is—I don’t even know what this is.” Jia’s voice trembles, her grip tightening around her keys as she struggles to keep her tears at bay.

Your instinct is to step forward, to offer your best friend comfort, but she rejects your gesture, wiping away the tears that have just started streaming down her face. Her face contorts in pain, causing your lips to purse as you itch to pull her into a hug. Jungkook moves close behind you, his presence reassuring, but you aren’t the one who needs comforting right now—Jia and Yoongi are. Jungkook doesn’t move, just leans against the wall next to you, his gaze fixed on the ground.

“Jia, please.” Yoongi’s voice is raw, a pleading tone you’ve never heard from him before. You glance at him, your chest tightening as you see his eyes all glossy and red.

You have witnessed plenty of arguments between Jia and Yoongi over the years. Whether it was when you were all just friends in school and they disagreed on something, or when they’d suddenly break out into a heated fight during a night out at your favorite bar. But this one feels so different, and you don't know what to do.

You shift a little, moving to stand properly beside Jungkook, your head tilting up to meet his gaze. He glances down at you, about to ask if you're okay right as you’re about to suggest you guys go back inside, but Jia’s voice cuts through the air again.

“I’m gonna go stay with my mom. I’ll get my brother to come pick up my things… I need space, Yoongi.”

You swear you see the exact moment his heart snaps in two. His knees almost buckle when Jia turns around without another word, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, desperate to get out of the building as fast as she can.

Immediately, you and Jungkook rush to Yoongi, enveloping him in a tight hug. The dam breaks, and he begins sobbing in your embrace, his body trembling between the two of you. His breath carries the faint, bitter scent of alcohol as he struggles to catch his breath. You sigh, realizing the argument probably escalated because they’d both been drinking.

After a moment of rubbing his back soothingly, you suddenly glance up at Jungkook in alarm, which he returns with a puzzled look.

“Yoongi,” you whisper, tilting your head back to search his tear-streaked face, gently wiping away the streams flowing down his cheeks. “Honey, has Jia been drinking too?”

Yoongi doesn’t answer, still too distraught to process your question. His sobs only deepen, his body shaking with every breath.

Jungkook immediately understands, his hand lightly rubbing the back of Yoongi’s neck before he pulls away, quickly disappearing down the staircase that Jia had descended.

“Come on, hun, let’s go inside,” you murmur, guiding the broken boy toward the couch. His legs are heavy, dragging as you help him into the apartment with an arm around his waist.

Once inside, you manage to coax him onto the couch, gently urging him to sit down. His face is flushed, streaked with tears, and your heart wrenches at the sight. You pull the throw blanket from the back of the couch, draping it carefully over his lap.

The sheer amount of tears pouring from his eyes leaves your brows furrowed almost permanently. You’ve never seen Yoongi like this before—so utterly broken. Whether it’s the alcohol or the depth of this fight with Jia, you don’t know, but you feel sick to your fucking stomach.

You head to the kitchen, filling a glass of water before returning to Yoongi’s side. Sitting down next to him, you adjust the blanket so it covers both your legs and his. “Here, Yoongi. Drink some water, please?” you offer, gently wiping away the moisture clinging to his cheeks.

With a sniffle and a hiccup, Yoongi glances at you, then wraps his trembling hand around the cup. He takes a few gulps, finishing about half before you gently set it back on the coffee table. Then, you rest your head on his shoulder.

The room feels unbearably quiet now, and you don’t know what to say, how to make any of this better. “I’m so sorry, Yoongi.”

“I can’t believe it’s over.” His tears have stopped, but his voice is hoarse. His sad, dilated eyes lock onto yours, making your heart ache even more. “She’s all I’ve ever known, Y/N. I don’t know what to fucking do. What—what do I do?” His voice cracks.

“I…” You hesitate, your mind scrambling for something, anything that could comfort him. But for once, you don’t have an answer. “I have no idea, hun…”

You’re no stranger to giving Yoongi advice about Jia, and vice versa. You’ve practically become an expert over the years. But right now, you’re absolutely clueless.

Your best friend nods, his lips pursing to the side as he tries not to cry again. You exhale, your breath shaky as you shift to face him when he turns away. The blanket slips slightly, and your hands instinctively reach out to adjust it over his lap. But then, his trembling hand lands on yours, stopping you.

Your gaze lifts to his face, brows furrowing in concern. There’s a look in his eyes—something you've never quite seen before.

“Yoongi? Are you—mmf—”

His lips are warm, tasting faintly of Laphroaig—his favorite whiskey. The smoky sweetness floods your senses, dazing you as if you’d taken the bottle and downed the entire thing yourself. Suddenly, you're letting him guide you onto his lap, his hands gripping your waist as the blanket slips to the floor, forgotten.

Your mind blanks as he deepens the kiss, his tongue sweeping past your lips in a desperate, feverish attempt to lose himself. His grip tightens, and he swallows your surprised gasp, pulling you closer, as if trying to drown out his heartache in the heat of you.

The realization hits you like a fucking truck.

You immediately jerk away, gasping for breath, your body trembling as you quickly scramble off his lap. Your legs feel weak as you collapse back onto the couch beside him, your wide eyes staring blankly at the wall above the TV.

Their TV.

A tense, painful silence fills the room, and you think you’re gonna puke.

Your lips still tingle with the memory of his, your heart pounding so hard you’re sure he can hear it. That was everything you’ve ever fucking wanted—but for all the wrong fucking reasons.

Your phone buzzes in your back pocket, yanking you out of your spiral. Clearing your throat awkwardly, you pull the device from your jeans and push yourself off the couch, stepping toward the kitchenette as you answer the call with shaky hands.

“Hey, bug. I’ve got Jia.” Jungkook’s voice soothes the crease in your brow before you even realize it. “She’s sleeping in the back. I’m going to drop her at her mom’s, and then I’ll come back to get you. Is Yoongi okay?”

You glance back at Yoongi, who's still sitting in stunned silence on the couch. “Ye—kkkhmm—yes, he’s fine. Okay, I’ll see you when you get back.”

Yep. Of course your voice broke. He won’t ignore that.

“Bug?” His tone softens, laced with concern. You close your eyes, trying to hold back the tears that spring to your eyes. “Y/N, are you okay?”

“Mhm,” you choke back the cry building in your throat, glancing over your shoulder at Yoongi. His head is buried in his hands, elbows pressed hard into his knees. “I’m okay, Gukkie. Just get Jia to her mom’s, and I’ll see you soon, okay?”

Jungkook goes quiet for a long second at your quivering voice. “No, bug. I’m gonna come get you first. Tell me why you’re crying, please.”

Your chest tightens, and when you try to speak, your voice cracks again. You roll your teary eyes, swiping your free hand roughly over your face. “‘ll tell you later, Gukkie. Please, just… please take Jia to her mom’s.”

He goes quiet again, and if it weren’t for the sound of his windshield wipers squeaking against the glass, you would have thought he hung up.

Jungkook’s fingers tighten around the steering wheel as he fights the urge to turn the car around right now and drive back to get you. If Yoongi is the reason you’re crying... Fuck, he can’t even finish the thought.

“I’ll be back to get you in thirty minutes, okay?” he manages to say, his pulse pounding.

“Thank you, Gukkie. I love you, please drive safe.”

“I love you too, bug,” he sighs before letting you disconnect the call.

Jungkook glances up at his rearview mirror to see a sleeping Jia sprawled out on his backseat, soft snores escaping her lips. He doesn’t entirely hate Jia, but he can’t ignore how poorly she treats you, no matter how much you try to convince him otherwise.

What kind of person feels the need to one-up their friend in every aspect of life? What kind of person knows about the insecurities that their beautiful, amazing friend has, but discredits them and forces them outside of their comfort zone anyway? What kind of person learns about the feelings their friend harbors for someone, and shortly after, goes for that person just to prove they can?

Whether Jia does it subconsciously or not, whether her intentions are ill or not, whether you notice or not, Jungkook sees everything.

At the end of the day, it’s you he cares about. You are his best friend. You are the love of his life. You are the one he will protect at all costs when it comes down to it. You are the one he will choose.

You will not get hurt in the crossfire of Yoongi and Jia’s fucked-up relationship. Jungkook will make sure of that.

“Are you okay?” Your voice is quiet—the quietest Yoongi has ever heard, and his heart splinters.

His head lifts from his hands, eyes searching for you. You’re standing a few feet away, the distance between you obvious, and he almost cringes. “Don't, bug. Are you okay? I’m so fucking sorry.”

It’s still strange to hear Yoongi call you the nickname Jungkook gave you what feels like a hundred years ago, but you can’t ignore the warmth it stirs in your chest when he does.

“Of course I’m okay,” you say carefully. “You’re hurting... People do silly things when they’re hurting.”

Yoongi’s breath hitches, his hands running through his hair in frustration. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable, bug, I—”

“You didn’t.” You’re quiet again, and he freezes, confusion knitting his brows. “Make me, um, uncomfortable.”

He scoffs under his breath, hands rubbing at his temples. “Sure seems like I did.”

“No, you could never make—”

“Y/N, don’t say that. I kissed you. I pulled you on top of me—”

“I let you—”

“I took advantage of you—”

“You didn’t—”

“Stop fucking defending me! Stop thinking the best of me—”

“I’m not—”

“You are! You always do! Even when I act like a complete piece of shi—”

“I love you.”

The room falls into a suffocating silence. Yeah, you’re definitely going to puke now.

Yoongi’s hands slowly fall away from his face, his eyes desperate to meet yours. But you refuse to look at him. Your gaze stays fixed on the rug you helped Jia pick out from your favorite vintage home decor store. You’re going to get vomit all over such a pretty rug.

“Bug…” His voice is soft, pleading. You don’t look up. You don’t move. You can’t.

You’ve said “I love you” to Yoongi plenty of times before. But you know that you can’t possibly play this off as another friendly declaration. You know he caught what you really meant.

Over a decade of hiding and suppressing your feelings for him, just for you to suddenly blurt it out because you couldn’t bear to hear him talk badly about himself? And to think your stupid therapist said your chronic people-pleasing tendencies were getting better.

“Y/N. Please.” You didn’t even realize he’d stood from the couch, didn’t notice him moving closer. But you feel it when his shaky hand gently lifts your chin, forcing you to look at him.

“You don’t mean that,” he murmurs, shaking his head slowly, his eyes filled with sadness as he takes in your expression.

“Okay.” You nod, tears slipping down your cheeks despite your efforts to hold them back. “I didn’t mean it. Let’s just forget it happened—”

“You can’t love me, bug.” He looks like he’s in so much pain, and your stomach clenches. He’s repulsed by the idea of you loving him in that way. God, you wished that you’d just stayed home tonight and watched movies with Jungkook like he had suggested.

Who were you even kidding? Yoongi is in—well, was in—a relationship with one of the most gorgeous, fierce, and confident women you’ve ever met. Jia is everything a man could want. He loves her. Obviously, he loves her. How pathetic could you be?

“Yoongi, I’m sorry. I-I don’t know why I even said that. I’m so stupid.” You sniffle, and Yoongi sighs deeply, his thumb brushing away the tear that spills down your cheek. “Please forget it. Please, let’s just forge—”

But he cuts you off, his lips crashing into yours again, more intense this time. His kiss pulls you under before you can even think to resist, and it's not long before your body completely surrenders. Your lips part, letting him in, stifling the urge to moan as his tongue meets yours. Yoongi’s hands move from your jaw to thread through your hair, pulling you closer, and suddenly, everything—right, wrong, loyalty, friendship—fades. It’s just him.

A deep groan vibrates from his throat, and you capture it, drinking it in as your head spins. Your hands unfreeze and find their way to his chest, feeling the warmth beneath the fabric of his shirt. You grip the material, tugging him even closer, satisfaction surging through you as he presses himself against you.

Yoongi pulls back, just for a moment, and you force yourself not to chase his lips. Your eyes flutter open, taking in the sight of his swollen pout and reddened cheeks. “I didn’t know, Y/N…”

You shake your head, swallowing the lump in your throat. “I know. It’s okay, really. You don’t have to—”

“I didn’t know that you had feelings for me, too.”

Your hands jerk back, the fabric slipping from your fingers as you stumble away. What?

“What?” you whisper, your voice barely audible.

No? That’s not. No.

“Of course I love you, bug.” Yoongi’s eyes soften, and his words spill out like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “What’s not to love? You’re smart, funny, pretty, sweet… Anybody would be lucky to have you.”

Your head starts shaking furiously, your brain scrambling to process what he’s saying. “You’re—a-are you drunk? You don’t mean that. You can’t just say something like that to me if you don’t mean it—”

“You know me, Y/N. You know my tolerance, and I’ve barely had much to drink. I’m just really emotional tonight. But I mean it, I do love you.”

You stare at him, the boy you’ve loved in secret for years, the one you’ve cried over, wishing for this exact moment. And now, the words you’ve always dreamed of are tumbling from his lips.

But… where are the fireworks?

There’s no rainbow-colored burst in your head, no magical release of all the pain you’ve carried, no sense of it washing down a metaphorical drain. You pout at the thought.

You feel happy, yes. Relieved, yes. Confused… yes.

A soft thudding noise furrows Jungkook’s brows as he twists the handle to Yoongi’s apartment door.

The lights in the living room are on. There’s a blanket sprawled across the rug you really wanted from your favorite vintage home decor store—the one Jia bought because she said it would look cute in her new apartment. Your sandals are neatly placed next to the doormat, but you’re nowhere in sight.

Jungkook peeks into the nearby rooms, checking the main bathroom and laundry, both empty. His steps slow as he reaches Yoongi and Jia’s bedroom, where a sliver of light spills from beneath the door. His hand hovers over the knob before it freezes, his blood running cold.

“Oh! Fuck!” Your sweet voice rings in his ears, rendering him immobile.

No.

No, bug… Fuck.

The thudding noise he heard when he entered the apartment returns, now registering loud and clear as the headboard of Yoongi’s bed slamming harshly into the wall. Jungkook tries to move, tries to turn around and leave, but he can’t.

“Shit, bug! You like that?”

Jungkook’s fist tightens around the doorknob as he hears his best friend call you by his nickname while he fucks you. He’s got some fucking nerve.

“Mhmm, I-I love ittt.”

Jungkook stumbles back from the door as he feels the bile rising in his throat. He heads to the kitchen, chest tightening painfully with every step. He grabs a glass, fills it with water, and downs it in three gulps. Then he fills it again, downs it again. And again. And again.

He repeats the action until his eyes are watering and he can’t force himself to swallow another mouthful. The sick feeling clawing at his throat remains unaffected. He's gonna fucking pass out.

He’s shaking now as he carefully sets the glass in the dishwasher. Then, he walks to the door and removes his shoes, lining them up perfectly alongside yours. After turning off the light, Jungkook walks to the couch and bends down to pick up the ugly blanket draped across your pretty little rug.

Your body clock wakes you as it does every morning. Groggily, your hand reaches out, searching for your phone on your bedside table. But instead of the familiar hard surface, your fingers only encounter more mattress instead.

‹ ‹ ‹

“Okay, can you pass me two screw C’s, please, Gukkie?” you asked, eyes bouncing between the half-built table you were trying your best to put together.

Jungkook stayed quiet for a moment, his hand hovering over the screw C’s even though he knew it was actually screw B’s you needed for that part. He glanced over, catching sight of your little pout, and grabbed two screw B’s, plopping them into your hand.

“Thank you—” you started, pausing when you noticed the bolts weren’t what you thought. “Gukkie, no, I need screw C’s.”

“No, bug, you need screw B’s.” He rubbed your leg, which was bumping against his as you both sat cross-legged on the floor of your new apartment.

“What—I… huh?” you mumbled in confusion, glancing from the manual to the table, then back to the manual. “Ohhhh, fuuuckk!”

You dropped the screws and manual with a whine, pulling your knees up and burying your face in them. “I’ve gotten the last three steps backward! I’ll have to basically unassemble it and—ugh!” you groaned, grumbling into Jungkook’s shoulder when he laughed, catching you as you flopped against him. “Should’ve just let you build it like you wanted to,” you muttered.

Jungkook just shrugged, glancing at the table. “S’okay. Won’t take me long. Want to order our dinner?”

You glanced up at your best friend, hands reaching to grab his cheeks and squeeze them. “Yes. Thank you. I love you.” He turned his face to give your hand a quick kiss, nodding as he reached for the table pieces. “I love you more. My phone’s over there,” he gestured to the couch behind you, a silent invitation to use his delivery app.

You nodded, grabbing his phone and angling away just enough so he wouldn’t see you switch to your own device instead. He never let you pay, but he was building your furniture...

You’d happily take the scolding once your bellies were full and your cute new table was standing next to your bed.

› › ›

Confused, you open your eyes, only to be met with the sight of a blank beige wall. But… your walls aren't beige?

And then it hits you.

Yoongi.

You and Yoongi.

The arm wrapped firmly around your waist tugs you closer as Yoongi nuzzles into your back, still half-asleep. You freeze, your heart skipping a beat, before gently trying to pull the blanket up over your exposed chest. But even in his sleep, his grip on you remains strong. You’re about to tug a little harder when you suddenly remember.

Jungkook.

Holy fuck, Jungkook. He was supposed to come back for you. He must have, but you weren’t out there waiting for him. Panic surges through you as you scramble out of the bed, not even thinking as you leap for your jeans discarded on the bedroom floor.

Yoongi stirs, a confused grunt escaping him as his eyes slowly open, watching you frantically search your pants. “I would say I’m hurt you’re rushing to get dressed so quickly,” he drawls, voice husky with sleep, “but your ass looks fantastic from here, so I’ll let it slide…”

You roll your eyes with a little smile, still focused on finding your phone. Climbing back into bed once you have it in hand, he watches with a twinkly smirk, the bruise he left above your left nipple making his morning wood throb a little. His head tilts up to capture your lips, and you almost drop your phone at the feeling, but you don’t let it last too long before flopping back next to him, finally opening your messages app.

[7:36 AM] To: Gukkie good morning, gukkie. i’m soooo sorry i didn’t call you last night. i have so much to tell you. please text me back when you wake up, okay? i love you 💗

You scroll back to the last message, a photo from Jungkook of an anime figurine he found at the gas station yesterday on his way to pick you up. He said it reminded him of you.

You’ve never been much into anime—only knowing what you do from when you go over to his place and finish the episode he’s currently watching with him—but the character was so cute. Maybe you’ll ask him to show you the series later.

You’re just about to ask Yoongi if you can borrow his charger because your phone’s at 5%, but his phone rings, interrupting your question. He presses a soft kiss to your shoulder before leaning over to grab his phone from the bedside table. As he glances at the screen, a sigh slips from his lips, his hand running through his hair in a familiar gesture that tells you exactly who’s calling. A knot forms in your stomach as you focus back on your phone, pretending to be preoccupied with the screen.

Clad only in his boxers, Yoongi gets up and quietly slips into the ensuite, shutting the door behind him. His voice is low, muffled by the walls, but you don’t try to listen. Instead, you lean over to his bedside table, searching for a charger amongst the clutter, but come up empty. After a quick check of the drawers and still finding nothing, you sigh.

Just as you’re about to get up and search the rest of the room, you glance back at your phone in your lap. The messages app is still open, and your heart stutters when you notice the read receipt on the last text you sent.

Read 7:37 AM.

Jungkook’s awake? Maybe he’s just in the bathroom and will reply soon. Or maybe you woke him up, and he was too tired to respond. Or maybe he’s mad at you for ditching him yesterday. Guilt twists in your chest, and you bite hard on your inner lip, knowing you’ve just earned yourself a spot in the Shitty Friend Hall of Fame after last night.

You're typing another message to Jungkook when the ensuite door opens. You glance up, only to find Yoongi stepping back into the room with a somber expression. His movements are slow, careful. Your stomach drops.

Suddenly, you’re all too aware of how underdressed you are. Your phone slips from your fingers into the blankets without a thought as you scramble back up to grab your shirt from the floor. Your throat feels scratchy, and you clear it awkwardly, desperate to fill the silence as you tug the fabric over your head. Yoongi watches your frantic movements and sighs as he reaches out to you, but you pull away, avoiding his touch.

His voice is strained. “Bug…”

God, you’re so fucking stupid. Of course, this was nothing to him. You were nothing but a momentary distraction, a warm body to offer comfort while he was hurting. Of course it takes one five-minute call from your beautiful best friend to have him regretting everything that happened between you.

Holy fuck. Jia.

She’s going to be furious. She's going to kill you. She’s going to hate you.

Panic rises in your chest, and your vision blurs as tears well up in your eyes. You stumble back slightly, grabbing for your jeans again, but your hands are shaking too much to pull them on. Yoongi steps closer, taking the jeans from your hands, his fingers brushing against your skin, warm and gentle.

And that’s when you break.

He pulls you into his arms as you lose it, sobbing uncontrollably, ugly and snotty. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. Jia and I… we’re gonna try to work on things… There’s just so much history, and we weren’t thinking clearly last night. I’m so—”

“No, I’m…” you choke out between hiccups, wrenching free from his arms, hurriedly wiping your eyes and nose. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Oh my god, she’s going to hate me. What have I done? I-I—”

Your words falter as a wave of dizziness hits you, and your vision begins to blur at the edges. Your heart is pounding so loudly in your ears that it drowns out everything else. The tightness in your chest makes it hard to breathe, each breath becoming shallower, more frantic. “Yoong—”

The room is closing in on you, suffocating. The panic seizes your lungs, and even the minimal clothing you’re wearing feels too heavy, too much.

It’s been two years since your last episode and you'd almost forgotten how they felt like. But right now, but the feeling is all too fucking familiar.

Yoongi’s eyes widen in alarm. He’s saying your name, you think, but all you can hear is the deafening thud of your own heartbeat. Your hands tremble uncontrollably, and before you know it, you collapse to the floor, curling into yourself.

Head on your knees. Deep breaths. In and out. In and out. Just like your nurse taught you. Just like your best friend practiced with you for hours until you both experts in the method.

But it’s not working. It’s not fucking working.

“Y/N?” Yoongi’s voice rises in panic, his eyes wide and helpless. “Y/N, please. What’s happening? What do I do? I-I’m going to call an ambu—”

The door to Yoongi’s room slams open, hitting the wall with a thud at the force it was thrown open. Within seconds, Yoongi is shoved aside, and the warmth of strong arms wraps around you. You don’t even have to look up; you’d recognize his touch and scent anywhere. The most comforting, familiar presence in your life surrounds you, and while it barely steadies your racing pulse, it feels like everything.

Your body shudders with a fresh wave of tears as Jungkook pulls you into him, his arms cradling you while he gently rocks you back and forth. His lips press softly against the top of your head. “‘S’ok, bug,” he murmurs, his voice a soothing balm. “Just focus on your breathing. In and out, remember? I’m here. I’m with you. We’re here together. We’re okay.”

“Kook…” Yoongi’s strained voice cuts through, watching helplessly as you cling desperately to Jungkook’s shirt. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to—”

“Yoongi,” Jungkook interrupts, his voice low, firm, almost dangerous as he speaks without taking his eyes off of you. “When she’s okay, we’re going to leave.”

Yoongi immediately agrees, his expression growing more concerned as he watches you fall apart in Jungkook’s arms, “Y-yeah-uh, yeah, I can drive you guys if—”

“If you or Jia ever drag her into your fucked-up situation again,” Jungkook finally lifts his gaze from you, staring coldly into Yoongi’s eyes as he continues, “you will both regret it.”

You’re slowly regaining control, your breathing evening out, but you’re still too drained to form words. You want to tell Jungkook that it’s not Yoongi’s fault. That you were just as much to blame. That you made this mess, too. But the words won’t come. You’re too spent, too weak to defend him.

Jungkook watches as you struggle to speak, your breath still uneven but slowly regulating. His focus is entirely on you, not caring about whatever unreadable expression Yoongi is wearing. Anger, regret—whatever the fuck, Jungkook couldn’t care less. All that matters to him is that your sobs have finally stopped and your breathing is settling.

You’re still trying to speak, no doubt in an attempt to defend your other best friend. The other best friend who’s standing a foot away from you looking like he was going to have a panic attack. Fucking pathetic, Jungkook thinks.

His gaze softens as he brushes his thumbs gently across your cheeks, wiping away the lingering tears. You pull back slightly, clearing your throat to try and gather your strength.

He raises an eyebrow in disapproval, silently telling you to stop straining yourself, but he lets it slide without comment. Your hand hastily moves to wipe your nose, your chest tightening in embarrassment by the state you’re in.

Jungkook moves your hand away, lifting the bottom of his t-shirt to gently wipe under your nose, the way someone would for a baby when they couldn't blow their own.

A raspy laugh escapes your lips before you can stop it and Jungkook’s lips quirk up at the sound, a little weight lifting from his heart as he finally sees you smile. He finishes wiping your face and lets the t-shirt fall back down, his hands resting on yours where they’ve settled on his leg.

“First one in a while,” he murmurs softly, still ignoring Yoongi’s presence across the room, allowing you to play absentmindedly with his hand.

“Yeah,” you nod, sniffing one last time. “Thought they were gone… Thank you for helping m—” Your voice falters, confusion clouding your expression as you look up at him. “Wait, how are you here? Where did you—when did you—”

“He slept here. On the couch.”

Yoongi’s voice interrupts, and your gaze snaps to him, brows knitting further in confusion. What? He knew Jungkook was here? And didn’t tell you? “Wha—”

“Saw him when I went to grab water in the middle of the night,” Yoongi adds, resting casually against his dresser.

Annoyance flickers inside you, and you don’t even know why. Maybe it’s the fact that Yoongi didn’t tell you Jungkook was sleeping out there, alone on the couch. Or maybe it’s the sudden wave of nausea rising in your throat at the realization that Jungkook might have heard everything.

“You ready to go?” Jungkook’s gentle voice pulls you back to the present, his thumb grazing over your knuckles. He leans forward and grabs your jeans from the floor, handing them to you without a word. You give a quick nod, accepting them and walking to the ensuite to put them on.

A few minutes later, you emerge from the bathroom, looking a little more put together. Your face is rinsed, and your hair is tied back into a ponytail, but the redness around your eyes remains, making Jungkook’s stomach churn. He doesn’t say anything, just watches you cross the room silently.

You step forward, hugging Yoongi tightly, your voice small. “I’m really sorry, Yoongi. I just—”

“Don’t,” Yoongi cuts you off, shaking his head. “You don’t need to apologize, bug.”

Jungkook, who had been waiting near the doorway, catches the end of your conversation. His jaw clenches when he hears Yoongi say, “I won’t mention anything to Jia.”

You nod, assuming he means that he’ll let you break the news to her yourself. “Thanks, Yoongi. I’ll come see her later toni—”

“No, bug.” Yoongi interrupts again, his tone a little firmer this time. “I won’t say anything at all...”

You blink, confused. Your brows knit together as you search his face, trying to understand. He wanted to keep this a secret? From Jia, one of your best friends? The woman he’s in love with?

When it seems like you can’t find the words to say, Jungkook approaches quietly, your sandals in hand, nudging them toward you. You break your gaze from Yoongi to slip into them, but your eyes flick back to him, silently begging for more explanation. He offers none.

Jungkook stands close and quietly behind you, waiting for you to finish up, and he hopes you do it soon because he really doesn’t want to be in this house anymore. You finally avert your gaze from Yoongi, still confused and dazed, but suddenly desperate to leave. Jungkook reads the look instantly, repressing back what he really wants to say to Yoongi for the sake of your presence, slipping his hand into yours before leading you out of the apartment.

“Damn it,” Jungkook mutters, clicking his tongue in frustration, the sound echoing in the roomy cabin of his Jeep.

You glance over at him after fiddling with the knob of his car heater, noting his annoyed features. “Hm? You okay?”

“We left our drinks there.” A borderline adorable pout coats his lips as he sighs, and despite the heaviness in your chest, you can’t help but smile.

“It’s okay.” You shrug, looking down at your lap. “Don’t want them anymore.”

Jungkook glances at you, and the moment his eyes catch your expression, his heart twists. He wants to cup your face in his hands, massage your frown away, and tell you everything will be fine. But at the same time, all he can think about is driving back to Yoongi’s apartment after he drops you off at home and beating the ever-loving shit out of him.

He’s so fucking angry.

Angry at how Yoongi would claim such a priceless fucking gift from the sweetest fucking girl and leave her hurt in the process. Angry at how he knows you’re blaming yourself for everything that happened last night when he would bet every cent to his name that you have nothing to be truly sorry for. Angry at the thought of how Jia will react, and how devastated you’re going to be. He knows Jia’s history well enough to predict that she will somehow make this all your fault.

Jungkook's grip on the steering wheel tightens, his knuckles turning white as he takes a shaky breath. “It’s not your fault, bug,” he says as softly as he can in his vexed state.

Your eyes fill with tears again, and a sad laugh escapes you. “Of course it is.”

Jungkook shakes his head, his jaw tightening as he signals right and pulls over to the side of the road. As soon as the engine cuts off, his hand finds yours, and he turns to face you. “Bug—”

“I told him, you know,” you sniffle through a short chuckle, cringing at what a shit-show this whole ordeal is. “I told him I loved him. And-and he said he loved me too.”

Jungkook’s heart stops. “He what?” He doesn’t know if you heard his words; he barely heard them himself. But when you purse your lips and nod sarcastically, he knows that you did.

“Yup. Said that I’m pretty and sweet and funny and that anyone would be lucky to have me.” You scoff bitterfly, using the hand not in the grasp of Jungkook’s to wipe your tears. “Apparently not anyone because he clearly didn’t want me. God, I’m so pathetic. This is all just so pathetic.”

You finish wiping your face and dry your hand on your jeans, your thumb gently rubbing over Jungkook’s knuckles. “Sorry, Gukkie,” you croak, sensing the way he tensed up and went quiet, probably due to all of your whining. “I’m done, promise. No more crying.”

Jungkook remains still, his brows furrowed as his gaze is fixed on nothing in particular, lost in thought. “Gukkie?” you ask softly, nudging his hand with your finger to snap him out of it. Nothing.

You squint at him playfully, deciding to poke his cheek this time. It works, though the reaction is faint—a tiny twitch at the corner of his mouth, but you catch it.

Your head tilts as you move your finger from his cheek down to his lips, ready to poke again, but your focus wavers. His lips. They’re so pink. So plump. So pretty.

“You are the furthest thing from pathetic, bug.” His voice is soft, drawing your attention back to his words, but your eyes remain on his lips. You smile at the way they shape each letter, his slight lisp curling around certain syllables.

A quiet sigh leaves you, and your hand drops to the buckle of his seatbelt, releasing it with a click. You unfasten your own as well before leaning over the center console. Jungkook’s hands move instinctively, helping guide you as you crawl into his lap, melting into his embrace.

He wraps his arms around you, pulling you closer and making sure you’re comfortable in his lap. One hand plays gently with your ponytail while the other traces soothing circles on your back. You bury your face in the curve of his neck, inhaling his familiar scent—a blend of his cologne that defied the night and the comforting aroma of soft linen that always reminds you of him.

“Don’t deserve you,” you mumble, your breath tickling his skin. His muscles relax instantly, his body turning to mush under your weight.

Cuddling like this isn’t anything new for the two of you. It’s become your go-to after a rough day at work, or at uni. Whenever you meet him at his car after class, you more often than not end up in this exact position.

Jungkook remembers that one time a classmate walked past and saw you in his lap, assuming you were doing more than just seeking comfort from your best friend. You got so embarrassed that you stopped cuddling him in his car for a while. Jungkook hadn’t cared at all, but he realized it really bothered you. So, maybe he booked his Jeep in for window tinting that night.

But even though this is routine, it doesn’t stop Jungkook from from turning into a lovesick puppy when you do end up snuggling him. Because he does. Every single time.

“If anyone deserves me, it’s you, bug,” he responds quietly.

Your hand strokes through his tousled hair, your fingers occasionally scratching his scalp the way he likes, and Jungkook has to bite back a pathetic whine. The way you hold him, the way your nose brushes against his neck, it’s too much and not enough at the same time. “I love you, Gukkie. I’m sorry for being such a bad friend.”

“I love you too, bug,” he replies easily, tugging your shirt down as it rides up when you snuggle deeper into him. “But if you say one more untrue, negative thing about yourself, you’re walking to uni tomorrow.” The half-hearted threat is followed by a gentle nudge of his head.

You pull back slightly, observing him quietly. His eyes are closed, his head resting peacefully against the seat. He looks so content, so at ease, and you wish he could stay like this forever.

Jungkook senses your gaze and squints his eyes open, a single brow raising in question. He adjusts your ponytail with a soft touch, waiting for you to say something. But you just shake your head and give him a sweet smile before climbing off his lap and settling back into your seat.

“Can we go watch that anime with the girl you said reminds you of me?”

It’s been eight days since that night. Yoongi and Jia have reunited like nothing ever happened, and it’s driving you fucking crazy. He still hasn’t told her.

You’ve seen them at university during the weekdays since then, and everything is normal. Jia has been normal, Yoongi has been normal. It’s like nothing ever happened.

Three days ago, at the peak of your anxiety from keeping the secret, you caved.

The second you got home, you collapsed onto your bed, phone gripped tightly in your shaky hands. After six long rings, Yoongi finally picked up.

“Hey, Y/N—”

“I feel fucking sick, Yoongi. Please tell her. The longer we wait, the worse it’s going to be. This isn’t okay.”

Yoongi’s sigh came low through the receiver, already giving you that sinking feeling in your chest. He's not going to tell her.

“She doesn’t need to know. It doesn’t concern her. It was just a simple mistake, and we weren’t even together at the time, bug. It's fine.”

It was just a simple mistake.

If you didn’t already feel pathetic, you sure as hell do now.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe she doesn’t need to know.

You’ve tried convincing yourself of that ever since your phone call. But deep down, you know that if the situation were reversed, you’d want to know.

Not that you ever would be, because Jia would never do something as horrible as this to you.

Over the past week, three things have been haunting you: hurting Jia, being a shitty friend, and not feeling as heartbroken as you thought you would be when, in the span of twelve hours, Yoongi:

Told you he loved you (nice).

Slept with you (nice).

Said he was getting back with his ex-girlfriend (not so nice).

You’ve been in love with Yoongi for your entire adult life and so much of your childhood that you can’t even pinpoint when it all truly started.

When you think of Min Yoongi, you think of that warm, fuzzy feeling that swirls in your chest whenever someone you like walks into a room. The excitement of scanning the crowd at a party, hoping to catch a glimpse of their figure. That extra spark of joy when it was your joke that made them laugh.

Or, at least, that’s what you used to think.

Now when you think of Min Yoongi, you think of a friend. Someone you care about. Someone you appreciate. Someone you love… but aren’t in love with.

The events of last Friday night might very well be the reason for the sudden, drastic change in your heart. Maybe you’ve finally developed enough self-respect to stop chasing after someone who clearly doesn’t want you in that way.

You ignore the voice in the back of your mind that snarkily whispers, “Yeah, just… like… ten years late, honey.”

But, still. You aren’t 100% sure. And it’s driving you fucking mad.

Sure, you could just chalk it up to you being so hurt that the pain, you don’t know, numbed itself out?

But that wouldn’t be honest.

You know yourself. You’re an over-planner, an overthinker, and maybe (most definitely) an overreactor.

Over the years, you’d curated a long, arduous list of ways you thought you’d handle Yoongi’s rejection when the time inevitably came, hoping to better prepare yourself for it.

But not caring? Yeah, that wasn’t on the list. It wasn’t even in the fucking notebook.

You aren’t going to say that you’re unhappy about not being a weepy ball of tears and snot for an entire month, (which was on the list—quite high on it, in fact) but you just can’t help but be completely puzzled.

This isn’t you. You don’t… not care.

If there’s one thing you’ve always done, it’s care.

So, you can’t, for the life of you, figure out why you don’t.

"Caramel coffee frappé for Jeon Jung—huh?" you pause mid-callout, glancing up as the name on the cup registers in your brain. Your eyes land on your best friend, standing close on the other side of the pick-up counter.

"Hi, bug." Jungkook smiles softly, his hand already reaching for the drink that’s frozen in midair as you blink at him in surprise.

"Hi, Gukkie," you grin, the surprise melting into delight as you grab a paper straw from beside you and unwrap it for him. "What are you doing here? I don’t finish until four."

He shrugs, taking the straw from your outstretched hand and popping it into the cup. "Bored at home," he says, taking a long sip. "Thought I’d come early and—mmm, shit, bug, this is nice."

Your eyes crinkle in satisfaction as you watch him down almost a quarter of the frappé in one go. "I told you it’s the best drink we have," you nod knowingly, before a small frown starts to form. "But it’s not your usual, so I didn’t know it was yours… Should’ve told me you were here so I could’ve added my discount, Gukkie."

Jungkook just keeps drinking, hoping the brain freeze would distract him from the urge to reach across the counter and wipe the pretty little pout from your lips. "They gave it to me anyway," he mumbles around the straw. "Didn’t even ask."

And he wouldn’t have. Jungkook has money—and plenty of it. More than he’ll ever actually need. But it’s mostly blood money from his guilty father, which he has no problem in taking it without so much as a thank you. You know all this, yet you still badger him to use your 25% staff discount whenever he visits you at work. Cute.

You smile at that, glancing over at the register where Bella’s back from her break. She knows Jungkook’s with you, so it must’ve been her who added the discount. "Good. I’m glad," you hum, leaning against the counter, chin resting on your hand as you look at him. "What are you going to do? It’s only two-thirty."

Jungkook grabs a complimentary caramel drizzle bottle, aiming it over his cup. He probably doesn’t mean to be so rough—it’s just that he’s naturally strong—and you watch as nearly half the bottle spurts into his drink with one squeeze. “I’ll just hang out here until you’re done. Got any breaks left?”

You laugh, reaching over and grabbing the bottle from him. "You’re gonna get a stomachache, Gukkie." Shaking your head, you roll your eyes. "But yeah. One left. I’ll take it now?"

Jungkook scoops up some of the caramel with his straw, a slight smirk on his lips as he shoves it in his mouth. "Okay," he nods, gesturing toward the door with his head. "Come out for a smoke?"

The cool breeze is a gorgeous contrast to the warm, stuffy air behind the coffee bar as you burst through the door of the campus café. Jungkook holds it open for you, and as your shoe hits the pavement, you instinctively grab his hand, pulling him along with you.

It’s only another twenty seconds before you reach the secluded smoker’s spot near the outdoor stock corral. Leaning against the wall, you plop to the ground and giggle when Jungkook pretends to get yanked down with you, falling beside you with exaggerated force.

You shift into a criss-cross legged position, letting go of his hand so he can dig his lighter from his hoodie pocket. His shoulder becomes your makeshift pillow as you curl your right arm with his left, watching as he sparks the cigarette that dangles from his lips. Once the cherry glows red, he shoves the lighter away and rests his hand gently on your knee.

“How’s your shift going?” Jungkook asks, smoke curling from his mouth as he tilts his head away from you to blow it out of your direction.

“Good, it’s kinda quiet today,” you hum softly, eyes drifting shut. The mix of tobacco and Hermès cologne definitely shouldn��t make you feel so peaceful. But on him, it does.

“Good.” He nods, his gaze raking over you properly now that you’ve shrugged off your apron. Light-washed jeans, a little white singlet, black cotton cardi. He takes a deep drag of the cigarette, letting the smoke linger in his lungs before he comments, “Look so pretty today, bug.”

Your eyes flutter open as you blink up at him, beaming. “Really?”

He nods, holding the cigarette away with his right hand as he reaches over to tug gently at the cardigan with his left. “This new? S’nice.”

"It is," you nod happily, leaning back and twisting a little to show it off to him. He bites back a smile. “Just came yesterday. It's from my online Polly order. Remember?”

“Mhm,” he says, slipping an arm around you as you settle back into his side. A comfy silence stretches until you break it.

“Don’t wanna go to Yoongi and Jia’s tonight,” you murmur, your voice low, strained. The calm on your face shifts into something more pained, and Jungkook doesn't like that.

“Then we won’t,” he responds easily, tilting his chin up to exhale the smoke away from your face. “Movie night?”

You let out a sad sigh, head tilting up in time to catch the way the muscle in his jaw moves as he exhales. “Already canceled yesterday. If we do it again today, Jia will know something’s up.”

“So?” Jungkook turns to you, tongue pressing against the inside of his cheek as he looks down at your glossy eyes. “I’ll call them. Tell them I’m sick and you need to take care of me or something,” he shrugs, flicking the ash off the cigarette.

“You think that’ll work?” You speak with a slight muffle as your cheek presses against his bicep.

“Don’t care if it doesn’t,” he replies honestly, a soft smile tugging at his lips as he watches you melt further into his hold.

You shake your head, amused, the motion shifting against his arm. “They’re our best friends, Gukkie—”

“You’re my best friend,” he cuts you off simply, finishing the cigarette and tossing the stub into the makeshift ashtray nearby.

Your eyebrows scrunch at his stubbornness. “And you’re mine.” You roll your eyes, trying to keep the smile pulling at your lips under control. “But you know what I mean…”

Jungkook sniffs, the chill finally settling in now that the cigarette's heat is gone. “Yeah, I know, bug. But you shouldn’t have to feel like this about going over there. Yoongi put you in an awkward fucking position, even if he doesn’t think so.”

You sigh again. “I feel like I’m overreacting about all of this. He says she doesn’t need to know, and maybe—”

“Such a pussy,” Jungkook mutters, annoyance evident as his thumb continues rubbing slow circles on your knee.

You snort at his bluntness, leaning into his arm. “I won’t say anything as long as he doesn’t want me to. But I can’t face her. Not outside of school. If I do, I might just word vomit everything the second I see her.”

Jungkook rests his head against yours, crooning. “Yeah, you do word vomit a lot.”

You close your eyes through a snicker, squeezing his arm teasingly. “Hm, thanks, Gukkie.”

A few quiet moments pass. Jungkook nudges his nose gently against the top of your head, his voice low when he speaks again. “You know you’re not ‘overreacting’ at all, right? Yoongi is a piece of shit for what he did. And even someone like Jia deserves the whole truth.”

You ignore his jab at Jia, having tried—and failed—many times to convince him that she’s actually a good person. “You keep acting like Yoongi did this all by himself, Gukkie. I’m just as guilty as he is.”

Jungkook scoffs, shaking his head. “Not really.”

“Yes, really,” you insist, poking his side gently. “It was completely consensual—”

“I’m not just talking about the sex, bug,” Jungkook swallows hard, more than unenthusiastic about delving into the specifics of your night with Yoongi. One run-through was enough—and even then, he barely held back the contents of his stomach.

“It’s everything else. Before and after. Telling you he loved you like it was some obligation when you admitted your feelings? Dropping the news about getting back with Jia how he did? You’d been awake for five fucking minutes, bug. You were naked and vulnerable in his fucking bed.”

Jungkook pauses roughly to regain his composure, and you instinctively move closer, feeling his anger on your behalf. You’re about to tell him he’s right, that you understand, but he isn’t done.

“And then for him to not even give his girlfriend the bare fucking minimum of being able to make an informed decision about their relationship? Fucking coward. What if she doesn’t want to stay with him after finding out? He’ll have already taken months of her life from her. Yoongi is prolonging the pain for everyone involved. And I don’t know how long he intends to keep this shit going, but if Jia catches on, and she takes it out on you? Bug, I’ll fucking kill him—”

“Gukkie,” you gently interrupt, shifting your arms from around his bicep to wrap around his waist instead.

As you hug him close, your legs shift to tangle with his because you know he likes the contact. His rigid muscles gradually begin to ease, and you settle against him with a soft sigh. “I’m so sorry, Gukkie. I should’ve thought about what this might bring up for you.”

Although not an exact replica, the situation had similarities to what Jungkook witnessed in his childhood; his father being an unfaithful piece of shit to his mom.

It began with small actions like working late, claiming extra shifts on weekends... withholding the whole truth from his partner.

Jungkook’s mom, an amaing woman and a second to your own, stayed in the marriage for as long as she could—for Jungkook and his older brother, Jisung. But eventually, she realized leaving was the best thing she could do for them.

You were in your early teens when the Jeons temporarily moved in with your family until his parents settled their divorce and his mom found a new place for them to go.

Jungkook’s father, a powerful and successful proprietor, was his role model during his entire childhood, and when he lost that bond, it broke him.

Even though some of your best memories together came from that period—sleepovers, movie marathons, him teaching you how to sing—you knew the divorce had a greater impact on Jungkook than he liked to let on.

However, he still likes to joke darkly that if he could relive those days with you, he’d go through the divorce all over again without hesitation. That always results in a wack in the arm from you.

Jungkook shakes his head and his lips part, no doubt to tell you not to apologize, you butt in again. “You’re right, Gukkie. What Yoongi did, what he’s doing, it’s wrong.” His hand moves from your knees to curl around your shoulder, pulling you closer to his chest.

“Okay, this won’t just go away. Jia deserves to know.” You glance up at him to find his eyes already on you. “Tonight?”

Jungkook’s gaze softens. He nods, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of your head, careful not to disturb your tidy bun. As you trace slow circles on his waist with your fingertips, he pulls out his phone and shows you the time—2:58pm. You gasp, scrambling to your feet.

Jungkook laughs, standing up and letting you drag him back toward the café, ready to take the blame from your shift manager, Jimin, for you being back fifteen minutes late. Park Jimin loves him, after all.

“Bug! Kookie!” Jia’s excited voice rings out from the room she shares with Yoongi as you and Jungkook step into the oh-so-familiar apartment.

Yoongi closes the door quietly behind you both, the hug he usually greets you with noticeably absent. Instead, he reaches out to clasp Jungkook’s hand in a brief bro-shake, which Jungkook returns half-heartedly, before Yoongi heads straight for the kitchen.

Jungkook watches Yoongi’s retreat with a slight furrow in his brow, his jaw tightening as he registers Yoongi’s failure to acknowledge you at all. When he looks over to you, you just shrug, not as bothered by his childish antics as you thought you would be.

After your shift ended, Jungkook drove you back to your place to grab a change of clothes. Then, you headed to his apartment so you could use his shower—the one with the best fucking water pressure ever.

Your lease is up at the end of the year, and then you'll finally be moving into Jungkook's place.

Living on your own for senior year seemed like a good idea when you decided to move out of the dorms, but that novelty wore off real fucking fast. Being away from Jungkook was not ideal and you hated not being able to see him whenever you wanted. His dorm wasn’t too far, but it was still on the other side of campus, and overnight visits to dorms of the opposite gender were prohibited.

Jungkook didn’t care, of course—he snuck over anyway, stacking up a few too many strikes from student monitors and professors who caught him.

So, when you moved from the dorms into a your cute little flat, Jungkook did the same, finding one just a few minutes away. There were no free spaces at your building for him to take, so he told you to move into his instead—that plenty of apartments were available. But when you saw the rent price, you just laughed. You knew he had every intention of covering it anyway, but you couldn't do that to him, no matter how much you wanted to live together.

That’s why you’ve been working more lately. Shifts at the campus café during the week and extra hours at Seoul Cinema on weekends. With what you’ve saved, plus a little help from your mom, you’ll soon be moving in with your best friend and gaining 24/7 access to him and that gorgeous fucking shower.

Earlier, when you were about to step into the bathroom, you called Jia to confirm what time she wanted you guys over. That’s when she casually revealed that the plan for tonight had changed—that everyone was heading to Joonie’s, your friend group’s favorite club, instead.

Panic flared in your chest and you almost blurted everything to her right there on the phone. Sensing it, Jungkook took the phone from your hand, calmly telling Jia that you’d be there at nine before hanging up.

You poked at him for ending the call without letting her respond, but deep down, you were relieved. You knew you had to tell her everything in person. If not for the respect of your thirteen-year-long friendship, but because doing it over the phone just felt so cowardly.

You know telling her tonight, before you all head out to drink, is risky. She could blow up, scream, and tell you to fuck off—which you’re fully expecting—but at least it’ll be in the privacy of her own home.

So now, here you are, standing awkwardly in the apartment that’s haunted your dreams for the past eight straight nights. Gone are your comfy pants and Jungkook’s warm hoodie. Instead, you’re squeezed into a black mini-skirt and a tight little top, wishing you were anywhere else in the world.

Deflated, you let Jungkook take the bottle of tequila from your arms as you make your way toward the room where Jia's still getting ready. The door is slightly ajar, and you give it a gentle knock.

“Ji?” Your voice comes out quieter than you intended, so you clear your throat and take a cautious step inside when she tells you to come in. As soon as you catch sight of your beautiful best friend, a smile automatically paints your lips.

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.

“Buggy!” Jia grins, snapping the cap onto her eyeliner before tossing it aside and striding over to you. When the long-legged girl extends her arms for a hug, you embrace her tightly.

“Hey, Ji. You look so good."

“You too, babe. You wore red like I asked! God, we look so hot matching.” Jia smirks as she pulls away, letting her eyes roam over your outfit before tilting her head in thought.

You swallow, waiting patiently for her assessment. Usually, she finds one or two minor things that could be improved for your clubbing outfits, and you pray she doesn’t find anything, because it’s a thirty-minute drive back to your place to make the adjustments.

Not that you think that tonight's plans will still go ahead after what you’re about to say.

To your surprise and relief, she nods in approval before turning back to her floor-length mirror. Jack Harlow plays lowly from her phone that rests on her dresser, and she hums along to it, fixing a few pieces of hair that have fallen out of place.

When you’re quiet for a long moment, something usually very out of the ordinary for you, Jia catches your eye in the mirror and her head tilts. “What’s wrong?”

You swallow. Your mouth opens. Then closes.

Jia’s brows knit together as she turns away from the mirror to face you directly. “What is it, bug? Is it Yoongi?”

Your heart plummets. “Wh-what?”

“He told me you stayed over last Friday? After Kookie took me to my mom’s?” Jia continues, her tone curious but confused. “Said you thought you could handle his whiskey, and he didn’t want to leave you on the couch, so you slept in our room. I almost didn’t believe it…”

“I—” you stammer.

“As if you’d ever willingly touch that disgusting whiskey he drinks. You can barely handle soju.” Jia chuckles.

“HAH! Yeah, you know me! Can’t handle my hard liquor… Would-would put me right on my ass!”

Jia’s amused squint deepens as she eyes you closely. “You’re acting weird.” She tilts her head with a teasing smile. “Did you have one of Kookie’s special cigarettes again? Because you know those are—”

“Jia.” Fuck. Word vomit. It’s happening. “I need to—”

“Change those shoes? I know, I was going to say something before, but you looked kinda sad… Hold on, I’ll—”

“No, Jia. I have to tell—”

The bedroom door swings open before you can finish. The words die in your throat as you whip your head toward the entrance. Tears well in your eyes as you turn to see who it is. Out of the two most likely options it could’ve been, unfortunately, it is not the one you hoped it was.

Yoongi stands in the doorway, his expression unreadable as his gaze flickers between you and Jia. The tension in the room rises dramatically, but Jia remains unfazed.

“Jagi,” Jia greets him with a bright, oblivious smile. “Just telling buggy how cute she looks in red. Doesn’t she look amazing?”

Yoongi nods at Jia, but his eyes are locked on you. There’s guilt swimming in his gaze, but it’s overpowered by something stronger. Desperation.

Earlier today, after talking to Jia, you called Yoongi to confess that you couldn’t keep it hidden anymore. That you were going to tell her tonight.

His reaction was beyond unhappy. After five minutes of him practically begging you to keep quiet, he abruptly ended the call when he realized you wouldn’t change your mind.

“Jagiya, can I borrow Y/N for a sec—”

“No.” The words leave your lips so firmly that you’re almost surprised.

Behind Yoongi, you catch sight of Jungkook’s approaching figure. His head tilts slightly—his nonverbal way of asking if you’re okay in situations where you guys can’t speak. Ignoring Yoongi’s dejected look, you give Jungkook a small nod before turning back to Jia.

“What’s going on?” Jia’s eyes dart between you and Yoongi. “Why are you both acting so weird?”

“I’m so sorry, Jia—” You begin, your voice shaking.

“Y/N,” Yoongi pleads, but you refuse to look at him.

“Yoongi, just give them some space, man—”

“Don’t tell me what to fucking do, Kook,” Yoongi spits back, taking a further step into the bedroom.

Your brows furrow as your head snaps toward Yoongi. “Don’t talk to him like that. I’m telling her—”

“Tell me what?” Jia huffs as she steps forward, and soon the couple are both staring at you with two very different strands of frustrated expressions.

Your heart pounds at both the lack of distance and the looks you’re receiving, but you push through. You can do this. “Ji, on Friday—”

“Jagiya, wait, don’t liste—”

Jungkook’s scoff cuts Yoongi off, and you can see both men getting more and more heated by the second. He doesn’t take his eyes off Yoongi when he speaks to you. “Bug, take Jia into the living room. I need to talk to Yoongi.”

Yoongi turns to glare at Jungkook. “Stay the fuck out of this, Jeongguk.”

“Or what?” Jungkook’s reply is immediate, his brows raising as if he genuinely wanted to know the answer.

“Y/N, just spit it out. What are you saying?” Jia demands, her voice rising with frustration.

“I—”

“Don’t, Y/N,” Yoongi warns, stepping forward, but Jungkook stops him.

“Stop fucking walking closer to her, Yoongi—”

“You have no fucking right, Y/N—”

“Y/N, just tell me—”

“No, Jagi, stop—”

“Yoongi, fuck off! Just let her tell me—”

“I slept with him.”

All the noise in the room dies out at your words. Jungkook is standing beside you now, his arm brushing lightly against yours, but you can barely feel it. All you can feel is Jia’s eyes on you, her expression completely unreadable.

Tears well up in your eyes, but you refuse to let them fall. “I slept with Yoongi when Jeongguk was taking you to your mom’s. Jia, you need to know how fucking sorry I am. I wasn’t thinking straight, and-and it just happened—”

“It just happened?” Jia’s voice cuts through your apology with a pitying laugh. Her eyes never leave yours, not even to glance at her boyfriend, who’s running his hand through his hair roughly, his eyes red-rimmed. For someone who said it was so unimportant and didn’t matter, he sure isn’t acting like it.

“No, I—no. It didn’t just happen. I did it. And I can’t explain how fucking sorry I am—”

“Yeah, you said that already,” Jia interrupts, her tone dismissive. Her gaze rakes over your body as though she’s bored.

You stand there, struggling to find the right words. “I know I broke your trust, Jia, and I’m so s—”

“If you say you’re sorry one more time, bug…” Jia rolls her eyes, brushing her hair back over her shoulder before turning to check her reflection in the mirror.

Your mouth snaps shut.

Where’s the screaming? Where’s the kicking you out of her apartment? Where’s the—

“Who initiated it?” Jia’s tone is uninterested as she runs a finger gently around the edge of her slightly smudged lip liner.

You glance at Yoongi, but his eyes are glued to the floor. “I don’t remember,” you admit quietly. The moment was a blur—his confession had thrown you off balance. It could’ve been him, but maybe it was you.

Jia gives you a skeptical look through the mirror, as if she doesn’t believe you, but then she turns to Yoongi. “Who initiated it, Jagi?”

As Yoongi hesitates, you feel Jungkook’s eyes on you again. You glance up at him, the boy who had been seething with anger just minutes ago, only to find him looking at you in concern. Blinking away the tears, you reach out to brush the back of his hand with your pinky finger.

“I did, Jagiya. I’m sorry. I was hurt that you left me, and I needed to forget,” Yoongi finally says.

His explanation seems to bring some relief to Jia’s face, and you brace yourself for the inevitable ache in your chest at his words. But it doesn’t come. If anything, Jungkook is more affected by what he had to say, judging by the way his jaw tightens and his hand clenches into a fist beneath your pinky.

“Okay,” Jia nods at Yoongi before reaching for her clutch on the dresser. As she casually tucks her phone and keys inside, you glance over at Jungkook, your confusion evident, but the look he returns is calm—like he expected this.

With a roll of her eyes, Jia glances back at the three of you. “Did you bring the tequila like I asked?”

When her eyes meet yours, you nod instinctively, trying your best to mask your unease. “Yes. It’s, um, in the kitchen. Jia, is everything—”

“We weren’t together, Y/N. It’s not like you’re still fucking… are you?”

“No.” You choke instantly, almost shuddering at the thought.

“Okay, then. Let’s start pres and then go.” With that, Jia walks out of the room, leaving you standing there, completely dumbfounded.

This isn’t what you were expecting.

You’ve never experienced Jia’s anger firsthand, but you’ve witnessed it many times before, and this is the last reaction you could’ve ever expected.

Maybe she’s in shock, and it’ll come ot later. Or maybe… maybe she really doesn’t think it’s a big deal? She’s so incredible like that, so understanding.

The room stays quiet as Jungkook remains rooted beside you. Yoongi lets out a short sniffle before trailing after Jia without glancing at either of you. The door slams shut behind him, leaving you and Jungkook alone in his bedroom.

As soon as Yoongi’s gone, Jungkook turns to face you, the warmth of his body washing a sense of comfort over you that you don’t deserve in the slightest.

“Are you alright, bug?” he asks carefully, his hand lifting to adjust the strap of your top that had shifted slightly across your shoulder.

“Of course I’m okay. I just… I don’t understand, she’s not even mad at me—”

“Good. She shouldn’t be—”

“What? Yes, she should, Jeongguk.” His brows furrow. “Please, stop acting like I did nothing wrong—”

“You think I didn’t notice how you took all the blame when you were telling her?”

“It doesn’t matter how it came off, Jeongguk.” His expression tenses further. “It doesn’t matter how I sugar coat it. The fact is, we messed up. And she’s so fucking nice that she didn’t even—”

“Nice?” He almost scoffs, his lips twisting into a wry smile. “Bug, did you really not see that response for what it truly was? Come on…”

“What are you talking about?” You try to keep your voice down despite the door being closed and a random Drake song pounding through the walls. “You saw the same thing I did! She barely even said anything—”

“Exactly. She barely said anything. We’ve known her for how many years? And when has Seong Jia ever not said something? Think about it, bug. She’s going to hold onto this and use it against you—”

“Why do you always think the worst? Why do you think so poorly of her—”

“Because I see the way she fucking treats you, Y/N!” Jungkook takes a step back, his voice rising as frustration pulses through him. “Even if you don’t see it, I see it.”

Your eyes well up with tears, and you blink rapidly, trying to keep them at bay. In the fifteen years you’ve known Jungkook, you’ve only had two heated arguments—this being the third. And, though you push the thought aside, you can’t ignore that all three fights were about Jia.

“This—this blind loyalty you have for me is flattering,” you mutter bitterly through your tears, “but you’re wrong. She’s a good friend.”

“Blind loyalty?” He forces a laugh, incredulous. “The only thing blind is you for not being able to tell when someone’s treating you like shit!”

“Yeah?” you scoff.

“Yeah.” He nods mockingly, taking a step closer. “You think you haven’t earned my fucking loyalty?”

“Oh, I know I have.” You cross your arms defensively. “If I’ve earned anything, it’s your fucking loyalty! But you need to acknowledge that I can make mistakes too—”

“I do acknowledge when you make mistakes.”

“No, you don’t, Jeongguk!” Your hands fly out in a frustrated gesture as he closes the distance between you even more. “You didn’t when I overfed your goldfish and it died from bloating! You didn’t when I signed up for that People Magazine free trial using your card, and you got charged for an entire year! And now you’re doing it again—”

“That shit doesn’t matter, bug!”

“You’re saying this doesn’t matter?”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“How could it possibly not matter—”

“Because I know what it feels like to be so in love with somebody that it consumes you.”

Your mouth snaps shut. As Jungkook continues, his gaze remains fixed on you, but his eyes are distant. “That any sign of that feeling truly being reciprocated would make you do unspeakable fucking things.”

The frustration coursing through your veins fizzles out, replaced by a sudden, painful wave of pure jeal—confusion.

“What?” It comes out as a whisper.

Jungkook doesn’t answer, his eyes just continuing to trace the lines of your face.

“You love somebody?” The bitterness in your tone is obvious, but you don’t can't stop. “We tell each other everything… and you didn’t care to tell me that you’re in love with someone?”

His silence is so unsettling that it prompts a painful laugh from you. “Oh, okay.” You give a sharp nod, “if that’s how you want to be. Fine. I’ll just start keeping fucking secrets from you too, then.”

The lack of response from him only fuels the fire inside you, and before you can stop yourself, the words keep pouring out. “Why aren’t you saying anything? Why wouldn’t you tell me? Is it someone from uni? What the fuck, Jeongguk—”

“It’s nobody you know.”

“I—” You stare at him, your eyes wide, disbelief flooding your system as your arms drop to your sides. “I know everyone you know!”

This time, you don’t even try to stop the tears that are building behind your lashes from spilling over. But the fiery, sour feeling burning a hole in your gut is too strong, too raw, and you’re not ready to acknowledge what it might mean.

“If you don’t want to tell me, fine. But don’t lie to me.” Your voice trembles at the end as you lift a shaky hand to wipe under your nose, choking back a sob as tears slip into your breath.

Jungkook’s expression softens as he takes a step forward, cautiously reaching out his hand to touch your arm.

He tries not to think that your reaction is anything but a best friend being upset that their best friend didn’t tell them about an important part of their life.

He tries not to think that your reaction is because you can’t stand to think of him being in love with someone else.

He tries not to think about how much every cell in his body has ignited at the thought of you being possessive of him. Jealous of the person he’s in love with.

But it’s hard. So fucking hard. Because all he can see is the pain in your eyes, the hurt etched across your face.

Such a sight would usually bring him to his knees and have him doing anything to make the pain go away. But now, as fucked up as it is, all he feels is hope. Hope that maybe the reason you’re so upset is because you feel the same way he does.

“I’ve never lied to you, bug.” His voice is soft as he rubs up and down your bare arms gently.

“Hm,” you croak, wiping more tears away. “Until now.”

“Until now,” Jungkook echoes quietly, lifting his hand to gently cup your cheek, his thumb brushing away the tears that won't fucking stop.

You don’t know why you’re crying harder than you have in God knows how long. Why you don’t push Jungkook’s hand away even though you’re mad at him. Why you’re even mad in the first place.

Well, like you said earlier: you are an overreactor.

But it’s not like you and Jungkook haven’t had lovers in the past.

You had your first boyfriend last year, a sweet senior named Kim Taehyung. He was a great guy—kind, easygoing, gorgeous. He got along with most of your friends, and you were especially glad Jungkook liked him as his approval was the toughest to earn.

But something about Jungkook must have rubbed Taehyung the wrong way.

Before you and Tae officially started dating, you’d first met at a frat party that you attended with Jungkook as Yoongi and Jia had stayed in that night. The two of them got on super well, and you guys had even teamed up for beer pong together.

But after a few dates, and you eventually saying yes when he asked to go steady, things began to change.

Taehyung started asking you to sleep over at his frat more often, something you didn't really like to do (and something Jungkook certainly didn't like you doing either).

Soon, he was asking for details on which friends you were with whenever you hung out with someone. He even began to ask to switch to FaceTime calls when you’d mention specific names and leave out others.

At first, you didn’t think much of it. You’re a naturally clingy person too, so maybe it was just his way of showing he cared. But when he requested that you spend less time with just one friend in particular, that was where you drew the line.

It confused you, especially since you’d already cut back from spending all of your free time with Jungkook to about 40%, but he still wanted more. You’d told Taehyung from the start that Jungkook was your best friend and a huge part of your life, that you guys have always been close. He had no problem with that. Well, in the beginning, at least.

Naturally, you told Jungkook about Taehyung’s request, and you’d never seen him so angry. You reassured him not to worry, that it all wasn't sitting well with you, that you'd be ending things soon.

Jungkook relaxed at that.

He also dropped to his knees that night and sent up a prayer to the Goddess that it was finally fucking over. But you didn’t need to know that part.

As for Jungkook, he’s never been in relationship. He has been with two girls, though. Park Iseul and Cho Jiwon.

Iseul was great. You and her shared an Economics lecture, and you even used to sit next to her during classes.

She’d usually ask about Jungkook, and you’d give her updates, letting her know he was doing well. But whenever you’d try to pass on her messages to Jungkook, he would just refuse to hear them, asking you to stop sitting near her.

It seemed like Iseul picked up on the hint since she gradually found other seats during class, and so did you. You didn’t mind; she was still super nice, but you did scold Jungkook for his behavior. He apologized, but only to you, not to her.

Your encounter with Cho Jiwon, however, was… different.

‹ ‹ ‹

“Uhhh…”

The voice caught you off guard, making you turn from shutting the door behind you. Sitting at Jungkook’s kitchen island with a bowl of muesli, was a female around your age. You glanced at your surroundings, then the key in your hand to make sure this was indeed your best friend's apartment. It was.

“Oh, hello.” You greeted the pretty girl with a nod, adjusting the strap of your bag on your shoulder.

“Hello?” she responded, confused. Her eyes roamed over your Seoul Cinema uniform before narrowing slightly. “Who are you?”

“I’m Y/N,” you responded quietly. Unsure of what to say or do, you hesitated. “And… um, you?”

“Jiwon,” she replied, squinting a little. “Are you his girlfriend or something? Because he said he was single, but I should’ve known; he literally stopped in the middle of sex last night to answer a text…” Her voice trailed off as she tilted her head, “Wait, what was your name again?”

You blinked, a frown edging onto your face for her. You opened your mouth to repeat yourself when Jungkook stumbled out of his bedroom, rubbing a sleepy hand over his face.

“Bug?" He croaked, making his way toward you. "You okay? I was gonna come get you in a bit.” His bare chest was still warm as he wrapped his arms around you.

You pulled back from the hug with a quick apology. “Sorry, I got ready early and just walked over,” you said, gesturing toward Jiwon, still munching on her cereal. “Didn’t know you had someone over, though. I should’ve texted. I can ask Taehyung to drop me off at work and we can reschedule?”

Jungkook looked down at you, confused, then followed your gaze to Jiwon, who was still seated at his kitchen counter. He blinked in surprise, as though he had only just registered her presence. “Uh…are you okay?”

Your gaze snapped to his in surprise, and Jiwon’s expression turned sour. “What?”

“I thought you were leaving…” Jungkook’s brows knitted in confusion, eyeing her attire, which consisted only of his t-shirt. He hated that you were seeing this. “Did you need money for an Uber?”

“Jeongguk,” you frowned, shifting your bag on your shoulder as you glared at him. But Jiwon just rolled her eyes and scoffed.

“You could do so much better, girl,” she sneered at you, tugging off Jungkook’s t-shirt and tossing it at him as she got up. He caught it with little reaction, watching indifferently as she headed toward his room in her bra and underwear.

You were about to nudge him to apologize when she reemerged in her dress a moment later, throwing a glare over her shoulder. “Way better than a lying cheater, anyway.”

You opened your mouth to clarify. “No, Jiwon, we’re not—”

“Yeah, okay. Thanks, Jihyo,” Jungkook cut in boredly. “So, did you need money for that Uber?”

Your jaw dropped as you stared at him in utter disbelief while Jiwon just shook her head with a scoff. She angrily brushed past him and left, slamming the door behind her.

“Jeongguk, that was so rude.”

Jungkook just shrugged, tipping her cereal down the disposal and rinsing the bowl. “Bug, I already told her I had something to do in the morning and I’d need her to leave by 8 if she wanted to stay over.”

“I wish you would've told me. I wouldn’t have just barged in without calling first. That was so awkward.”

“You never need to call when you’re coming over,” he gave you a look. “And it wasn’t awkward.” He shrugged again, opening his dishwasher and putting the singular bowl and spoon in before starting a cycle.

“It was a little awkward,” you murmured, sighing. “You could have at least offered her a ride home.”

“Okay, okay, bug. I’ll repent for my sins later,” he nodded, walking over to slip your bag off your shoulder and set it on the couch. “You okay, though? Why’d you come over so early? I thought we were seeing the 10 o'clock movie since your shift starts at 1?”

You just shrugged, eyes shifting to the floor. Jungkook’s big hands cupped your face, gently tilting it up so you were looking at him. "Hm?" he prompted, squishing your cheeks slightly, coaxing your lips into a cute little pout.

When he let go enough for you to speak, you mumbled, “Dunno…haven’t seen you in a few days. Missed you.”

His brows knitted together, and his arms slid down to your waist, pulling you closer. “I missed you more, bug. What’s up, though? Did something happen?”

You exhaled, leaning into his chest as your arms wrapped around him. “No, just…feels weird not seeing you every day. I don't like it.”

His heart thumped at your words, and his fingers traced small circles along your back. “I get it. It's weird for me too. But your boyfriend probably doesn't like it very much, hm?”

You pulled back slightly to frown, “Gukkie—”

“Kidding,” he murmured with a soft chuckle, resting his head in the nape of your neck. He was most certainly not kidding. “I’m gonna shower, and then we can have some breakfast before we go, okay?”

You nodded, scratching his back a little as he pulled away, heading toward the bathroom while you settled on the couch to wait.

Breakfast was yummy. The movie was great. You and Taehyung broke up a week later.

› › ›

“Can you please tell me who it is?” you ask, looking up at him with a sniffle, feeling utterly defeated. You need to know.

Jungkook has never denied you when you ask him for something. Ever.

You would usually never take advantage of such a gift, but right now, you’re desperate. You know that this feeling won’t go away until he tells you. You need to know.

“I can.” His hand still rests on your cheek, his thumb pausing its soft caress as your tears finally stop. But even then, he doesn’t meet your gaze, his eyes fixed somewhere on the lower part of your face.

“Will you?” you ask, trying to catch his eye, but his gaze remains fixed on the bottom half of your face.

“I will,” he confirms tensely, reluctantly lifting his eyes to meet yours. His irises are a little darker than usual. “But I won’t tell you their name... I want you to guess for me, bug.”

Your brows furrow harshly, and you take a step back, not in the mood for games. But Jungkook immediately follows suit, as if he expected your movements. He easily closes the distance between you without losing the contact between your face and his hand.

“You’re really playing with me right now? Seriously, Jeong—”

“She’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever met in my entire life.”

Well, okay then.

You stop yourself from flinching, eyes snapping up to his to find them already locked on yours.

“She’s so fucking funny. Makes me laugh harder than anyone else in the world. And she doesn't even try.”

Yep. You’ve heard enough.

You swallow hard and raise your hand in an attempt to stop him, your mind racing for words. The fingers of his free hand wrap easily around your risen palm, bringing it to rest flat against his chest.

“All she has to do is walk in the room, and my heart beats so fucking hard that I’m scared she’s gonna hear it one day.”

You feel it—the rapid thump of his heartbeat beneath your palm. Your breath catches in your throat, and when your eyes meet his, you try to look away from the intensity, but you can’t.

No matter how foggy your vision becomes with tears, no matter how badly your hand trembles against his chest, no matter how hard it is to breathe with him looking at you like that—you can’t look away.

“I check my phone every five fucking minutes when we’re apart, just to see if she’s thinking about me like I’m thinking about her.”

Jungkook’s figure becomes a watery, blurry blob because you refuse to blink, as if the millisecond that your eyes are closed will somehow cause you to miss something crucial.

“She’s the first person I think of when I open my eyes in the morning,” he says quietly, “and the last when I fall asleep. I’m reminded of her by every single fucking thing. Even a stupid little toy figurine that looks nothing like her.”

At that, something inside you snaps, and without a second thought, you shove his hands away from you. Before he can react, your hands slide up to the back of his neck, pulling him down and pressing his mouth firmly against yours. Your eyes fall shut at the warmth of his lips, and then it happens.

Bursts of color explode behind your closed eyelids, vibrant and electric, filling every corner of your mind.

A surge of relief sweeps through your veins, washing away every single thing that came before this moment in a wave of perfect clarity.

Your fingers tighten their grip on the back of his neck, feeling his surprise blend into pure pleasure. His hands slip to your sides as he pulls you closer, every muscle in his body loosening as he melts into the kiss. It’s warm, soft, sweet. Your mouths are closed, eyes shut, simply savoring the feeling of being with the person you care about most in the entire world.

You’re happy. You’re relieved. And for the first time in the last eight days, you’re not confused in the slightest.

"Any guesses?" Jungkook murmurs against your lips as you pull back slightly for air.

You laugh through the tears that had spilled out before you kissed, as his hands lift from your hips to brush them away. "Hmm," you hum, leaning into his hand on your face, "Jia?"

“Ooh, close…” He squints teasingly with a smirk, his thumb swiping away a tear that had fallen to your pouty lip. “Just think, like, five times less bitchy and ten times hotter.”

A watery laugh escapes you, and you fall forward, resting your forehead against his chest. You sniffle and shake your head. “I can’t believe you just confessed your love for me in Yoongi and Jia’s bedroom.” Jungkook’s soft chuckle fills the room, making your heart flutter. “That’s such a you thing to do,” you add as you pull back to look up at him.

“You’re not wrong,” he replies, his smile softening as he leans down to press a kiss to your forehead.

His hand finds yours, and he glances toward the door, a faint awareness in his eyes. He’s not sure how many songs have played while you’ve been holed up together, but it’s been long enough to raise suspicion. “C’mon, bug,” he murmurs, gently tugging you toward the door.

But your brows knit together as he tries to lead you out. “What?”

Jungkook turns back, his expression relaxed and a little curious. “Hm?”

“I—” You pause, caught off guard by how casually he seems ready to move on. “You don’t want to talk about… things?”

His eyes glimmer with amusement as he steps closer. “Things?”

“You just told me you’re in love with me, and kissed me, and—"

“You kissed me,” he teases softly, his lips quirking up when you glare at him with the cutest, slightly swollen pout.

“You don’t want me to… say anything? To say it back?” you ask quietly, letting him take your other hand into his hold so he has both of them, tugging you a little closer.

Jungkook’s tongue darts out to wet his lips, and your eyes track the movement, unable to forget the way they felt against yours. He’s so close now that the heat of his body warms the space between you, the scent of his cologne mixed with the lingering smell of the cigarette he had on the drive over swirling around you.

“I didn’t tell you for something in return, bug,” he says gently, his thumbs tracing slow circles over your knuckles. “I told you because you wanted to know,” he adds with a slight shrug, “and because I wanted you to know.”

The simplicity of his words takes you by surprise. There’s no pressure in his gaze, no expectation. Your heart aches in a way you’ve never felt before.

“And if I want to say it back?” you whisper, eyes looking between his.

Jungkook does the same, looking for any trace of uncertainty in yours before asking quietly, "Do you mean it?"

“More than I think I even understand,” the words tumble out before you can second-guess them.

"Then say it."

“I’m so in love with you, Gukkie,” you whisper instantly, as if it were a command, “I thought I knew what love was, but… you’re love. Everything about you, everything you do is love.” Jungkook swallows hard, his thumbs still tracing softly over your knuckles. “We’re still so young, and there’s so much more to do… But I want to do it all with you.”

“Fucking hell, bug,” he mutters under his breath before his lips crash back into yours.

This kiss is deep, urgent, like he’s trying to tell you something through it.

And, god, Jungkook had always been a good storyteller.

Your hands slip free from his, finding the sides of his neck, grasping for balance as his hands slide to the small of your back, steadying you when you almost stumble.

Your fingers curl into the warm, strong muscles of his shoulders, and you return his kiss with the same intensity, the taste of him filling all of your senses. His lips feel warmer, smokier, like everything about him is more intense now. And in that moment, everything else just fades away.

When you part your lips, an ache for more already tugging at you, his tongue slips in like it’s been waiting the whole time. A soft, satisfied hum escapes you, and he mirrors it, his sound a little throatier as his tongue intertwines with yours.

Jungkook’s hands slide over you—your sides, your hips, your back—as if he’s committing the feel of you to memory, like he’s afraid this is the only time he’ll ever have the chance. The soft, wet sounds of your tongues moving together fill your ears, and you know that if you have any say in it, this will be far from the last time.

A low groan bubbles in Jungkook’s throat when you press yourself closer to him and his fingers instinctively tighten around your sides.

Then he hears it.

Jungkook pulls back quickly but carefully, his gaze lingering on yours as his hands smooth over your hair, fixing where his fingers had tousled it. His thumb brushes over your shoulder, adjusting the strap of your top that had slipped down again, while his other hand runs along the edge of your lips to fix your smudged lip gloss He licks his own lips to remove any residue and you pout, about to ask if he’s okay when the door swings open.

“Hellooo? What's taking so long? The Uber’s here and the guys are already at Joonie's.” Jia bellows, raising her brows as she glances between the two of you. “Come on, you can pregame in the car.”

Jungkook looks at you, waiting. You nod at her, your fingers brushing against his as you step back, clearing your throat and tucking your hair behind your ear. “Okay, Ji, sorry. We’re coming.”

She just nods, leaving the door open as she turns back to Yoongi, who’s waiting with her jacket. He hands it over wordlessly before leading her outside.

Jungkook’s gaze lingers on you, quiet and searching. “You sure you still want to go?”

You take a breath, nodding. “Yeah, if Jia still wants me to come, it’s the least I can do. Do you still want to go?”

His lips press together for a second, but he nods, his hand sliding down to interlock with yours as you both walk out of the bedroom. He grabs his car keys from the counter on the way, but as you approach the door, a frown creases your forehead.

“You’re not driving us, right, Gukkie?” you ask, eyeing the keys in his hand.

He glances down at you, a faintly amused smile touching his lips. “Yeah, I am, bug. Why? Did you want to take the Uber with them?”

You shake your head, but the frown doesn’t leave. “No, but... you’re not gonna drink tonight?”

Jungkook shrugs lightly, giving your hand a gentle squeeze before he lets it go so you can grab your mini purse from the counter and slip it over your shoulder. He reclaims your hand when you’re done, guiding you out of the apartment. “Not tonight, bug.”

The sadness in your eyes makes him pause, and you glance up at him. “Why? Is everything okay? I don’t like drinking when you don't drink.” Your voice softens, lips forming a small pout as he presses the down arrow for the elevator.

He smiles at the sight, brushing his thumb over your knuckles. “I just wanted to drive you home, that’s all, bug.” His smile turns slightly amused. “But I’ll drink if you want to. You know I’m always down to drink with you.”

Your face brightens, leaning into his side to give him a soft thank you. As the elevator dings open, your phone vibrates in your clutch. You pull it out and giggle at the screen, tilting it toward Jungkook. He rolls his eyes, his lips twitching as he ushers you inside the elevator when it reaches your floor.

[9:57pm] From: Ji HELLOOO???? oh my god get down here. this fucking freak is trying to charge us twice for making him wait like two minutes

The crisp night air envelopes you as soon as you and Jungkook step outside the apartment complex, refreshing your skin and helping to calm your racing mind.

When you had both arrived at Yoongi and Jia's earlier in the night, you received a very quizzical look from your best friend as you climbed out of his Jeep.

‹ ‹ ‹

You extended your hand, waiting for him to come around to your side of the car before intertwining your fingers. Instead of locking the car, he paused, glancing back through the windows as if searching for something.

“Gukkie? You okay?” you asked, tilting your head at his hesitation. “I have your phone in my purse, remember?”

“Bug, where’s your jacket?” he asked, his brows furrowing as he looked over your outfit. He gave the Jeep’s seats another quick scan, hoping you’d just forgotten to grab it.

You shook your head, giving his hand a little tug to urge him forward. “I didn’t bring one. Couldn't find one that worked with my outfit. It’s okay, Gukkie, I'm not cold.”

But he didn’t budge. “Bug…” he said with a sigh, eyes scanning the backseat to see if he had left one of his jackets in there that you could wear. Nothing.

“Gukkie,” you laughed at the way his frown deepened, tugging his hand again. “You don’t have a jacket either, hm. Besides, there’s a small chance we’re even going out tonight anyway...”

Your voice softened, and Jungkook paused, sighing as the urge to drive home and grab you a jacket waned a bit. He pressed the lock button on his key fob with reluctance and let you pull him along up the path to the building.

His free hand slid up your arm as you walked, checking that your skin was still warm. It was, luckily for you, or he would've been plopping you back in the passenger seat to go back and get you a coat no matter how much you complained.

Jungkook knew Jia’s firm stance against jackets and outerwear—always “ruining the aesthetic" or something of the sort. He didn’t really pay much attention to what she said unless it involved you, if he was being honest.

And the thought of you borrowing one of Yoongi’s didn’t even get a chance to settle in his mind before he forced it far, far away.

› › ›

The scene with Jungkook in Jia’s room replays over and over in your head, but there’s a new lightness to it now—a weight lifted, even though you know the lines between you have definitely blurred. There’s more to think about, maybe more to figure out, but as you glance up at Jungkook’s peaceful expression, you find that you don’t mind it right now.

Reaching the end of the path, Yoongi hops out of the car and pulls the seat forward to let you into the back. “Hi, sorry for the wait,” you apologize softly to the driver, offering a polite smile as Jungkook takes your purse. His hand settles warmly on your back, guiding you in as you climb into the backseat.

The driver just mutters something under his breath and waits as Jungkook slides in next to you. Yoongi settles back beside Jia, who’s typing something on her phone, closing the door as the driver pulls out onto the road.

In the quiet hum of the car, you lean back, stealing a quick glance at Jungkook. He catches it, his lips quirking up as he shifts just a little closer, one hand slipping over yours where it rests on your lap. You turn your hand over and intertwine it with his, using your free hand to play with his fingers, tracing over the lines of his pretty tattoos. You rest your head on his shoulder, your eyes fluttering closed.

You can’t wait to drink.

It’s about twenty-five minutes later when you arrive at Joonie’s nightclub.

Jia had managed to convince the Uber driver to let you guys drink a little with the promise of a 50% tip, and as soon as he agreed, she swiftly pulled the bottle of tequila up from beneath her seat. She took a sip and handed it to Yoongi, who did the same before passing it to the back. Jungkook let you take a mouthful before he did, and you each took one more, his shots a little bigger than yours.

As you step inside, the music is loud, vibrating the ground as colored lights flicker across the floor. You spot the rest of your friends by a table in the corner, already clinking shot glasses together and throwing them back. When they see the four of you, their faces light up, and soon they’re stumbling over for hugs and half-drunk hellos.

Jimin is the first to reach you, a bright grin spreading across his face as he wraps you in a tight hug, swaying you from side to side. “Hi, angel! Gah, y'always look so pretty without an apron on! Good to see you—ah, hey, Kook! Get over here, you big thing,” he beams, pulling away from you to bring Jungkook down into an equally enthusiastic hug.

“Hey, Jimin-ah,” Jungkook responds, returning the hug and then straightening to stand by your side again.

Jimin stands there, his eyes raking over both of you for a moment before he lets out a sigh and gives something similar to a nod of approval.

You shake your head, laughing as you adjust your purse. “How much have you had to drink already, Jiminie?”

“Not nearly enough,” he quips instantly, glancing back at the group where the others are ushering Jia and Yoongi over to their table. “And judging by the fact you’re not red as a tomato yet… neither have you. Come on,” he grins, grabbing both your arms and pulling you and Jungkook toward the rest of the group.

When you guys reach the circle, you exchange hugs and little hiii, I missed you's until you reach the last person at the table.

"Hey, Y/N," Taehyung greets, pulling you into a warm hug.

Blinking in surprise as you pull back, you smile. "Hey, Tae? I didn’t know you were coming tonight. How are you?”

Taehyung nods, his hand resting casually on his beer. “Yeah, been okay. You?”

“Good, thanks Tae,” you reply with a soft smile, stepping back beside Jungkook.

“Oh, hey, Jungkook-ah, how are you, man?” Taehyung continues, extending a hand.

Jungkook takes it, and they do a little bro shake before he settles next to you again. “Really good, man, thanks,” he nods, glancing over the table before turning to you. “I’m gonna go get our drinks. Did y'want a long Island?”

Your eyes light up, and you nod, starting to walk with him to the bar when Valerie calls out, “Y/N! Babe, come take a photo! The lighting is soo cute over here.”

You turn back around, “One sec, Val, I’m just going to grab—”

“It’s okay, bug. I won’t be long,” Jungkook says quietly, running his hand down your arm as you glance over at him.

“Oh, okay.” You nod, looking up at him.

He raises his brows with an amused look when you don't move for a while. “Go on,” he nudges his head toward your friends, watching as you nod again with a cute smile and head over to Jia, Valerie, and Jimin. His gaze lingers as Yoongi takes the phone from Jia, and you all get ready to pose for the photos.

Sliding in next to Jia feels like second nature as your arm wraps around her waist, but as realization dawns, you quickly move to pull back, unsure if that's okay anymore.

Jia just rolls her eyes, grabbing your arm and placing it firmly back around her waist before leaning into you. The two of you settle in for the shot, and you smile, resting your head on her shoulder as the flash goes off, Yoongi snapping a bunch of photos of the four of you.

Once Jia finally deems the hundred pictures her boyfriend has taken as enough, your little group breaks away, with Jimin and Valerie immediately rushing over to review the results.

You start to follow them but pause when you catch sight of Taehyung at the end of the table, sitting alone and staring at his beer. You frown, looking around for Hoseok and Jin, but they seem to have wandered off, leaving him by himself.

You slide into the seat beside him. “Hey,” you greet, and Taehyung looks up, returning a small smile. "You okay?"

“Hey,” he chuckles lightly. “Yeah, why, do I look all depressed and lonely right now?”

With a grin, you pick up the tiny umbrella from an empty glass nearby, twirling it in your fingers. “No. Just a little alone,” you hum. “Where did Jin and Hobi go?”

“Out for a smoke,” Taehyung answers, his eyes lingering on you for a second before glancing back at his drink. Just as you’re about to ask if he wants another beer since his looks low, Jungkook arrives back at the table.

He sets your drink in front of you, still holding his own glass, and pulls up a chair beside you. “Thanks, Gukkie,” you smile, pulling the cup toward you to take a sip.

Jungkook gives you a little nod, resting a hand on your leg. His gaze shifts, noticing how Taehyung’s eyes follow the movement of your mouth as you wrap your lips around the straw. Jungkook’s tongue flicks over his lips before he takes a silent mouthful of his drink, watching as the two of you chat.

It's not long before Jimin brings over a large tray to the table, all your friends cheering in excitement as he sets it down with a grin.

"Shots!"

“Shit, bug, wait, watch your step, I just—”

Jungkook’s warning doesn’t reach your inebriated brain in time, and you stumble over the step he nearly tripped on himself, letting out a little curse. Before you can fall forward, his arms are already around you, pulling you back upright.

“Gukkie,” you whine, “why did you push me?” you grumble, your cheeks rosy from the endless shots Jimin kept feeding you and the lingering heat of the dance floor you two had been on all night.

Not that you’ll remember most of this tomorrow, considering you went over your limit about two Long Island iced teas ago, but tonight was one of the best nights you’ve had in a very long time.

Jia mostly clung to Valerie for the night, but that didn’t matter—you and Jungkook had more than enough fun on your own. Jimin even took Taehyung under his wing, and the four of you ended up spinning around on the dance floor after you convinced Jungkook to join in too. He’s so good at it, you’ve never understood why he doesn’t dance more often, but he indulged you tonight. And it was so fucking amazing.

“I didn’t push you, bug,” he grumbles back, holding you steady as he blinks, trying to get his own hazy vision under control.

If you went past your limit, Jungkook went double down. He can handle his alcohol—much better than you, at least—but you guys were having so much fun, and he loves drinking with you, so he went all out. When you took a shot, he took two. When you stood in front of him, lifting a cup to his lips with a sweet, urging little smile, who the fuck was he to say no?

“Gukkie, where’s your car?” you ask, squinting up the street, arm looping through his as you both stagger down the sidewalk. The chilly night air nips at your bare legs, but the warmth of the alcohol keeps it at bay as you rest your head lazily on his bicep.

“Uhh,” Jungkook mutters, scanning the line of parked cars as he tries to spot his Jeep. “I dunno, baby. Let’s just walk home.”

You nod in agreement, too tipsy to consider that the walk back to either of your apartments would take at least an hour—probably more, but you don’t care. Right now, it feels like you could walk for miles, just like this.

“Okay, but—” you trail off, eyes drifting as he stops running his hand over the one of yours clinging to his bicep. He turns to you with a little frown. “But what? D'you want to take your heels off?”

You blink up at him, the blur of alcohol softening everything but his face, his features as clear and pretty as ever. “You called me baby,” you say, a wide, drunk grin lighting up your face as you gaze up at him, utterly enchanted.

Jungkook’s brows knit together in confusion. He glances forward to ensure you both don’t veer into anything, then looks back down at you. “What, bug?”

“You called me baby,” you repeat, leaning your head against his arm with a happy squeeze. “Gosh, Gukkie, I hope I remember this when I wake up.”

Jungkook blinks a little at that, turning his head to face the path in front of him as you both keep walking. Did he call you baby? It must’ve just slipped out. He’s never called anyone that—not even while drunk, as far as he knows. The thought lingers for a moment, but when Jungkook feels you shiver slightly and yawn against his arm, that’s all it takes for him to have his first sober thought since his umpteenth vodka shot.

“Bug,” he says, pulling you to a gentle stop, his gaze drifting over your goosebump-covered legs and sleepy eyes. You blink up at him, a soft, confused smile lifting your lips as you glance around, wondering why you’ve stopped. “I need to get us an Uber,” Jungkook murmurs, rubbing his hands over your cold arms to warm you. “Come sit with me. Gonna order it.”

He looks around for a seat, but there isn’t one in sight, so he guides you to the curb and sits down, holding his arms open as you step in front of him and plop between his legs. Making sure you're settled, he pulls out his phone, blinking hard to try and get the numbers on the screen to stay still enough to punch in his passcode.

You lean back into his hold, his free arm wrapping around your stomach as your eyes flutter shut, your fingers tracing softly over the inked patterns on his arm. “So warm,” you mumble, lost in the feel of his skin against yours.

Jungkook tilts his head a little as you lean further into him, the tip of your nose brushing against his neck. He swallows, his pulse quickening as he tries to focus on ordering the Uber to your place.

“How are you so warm everywhere?” you sigh dreamily, letting your nose drift up the length of his neck, fingers still tracing along his arm. Jungkook’s breath catches, but he manages to confirm the ride and lock his phone, his other arm wrapping around you, quietly pulling you snug against his chest.

"Can I kiss your neck, Gukkie?"

Jungkook’s eyes shut at your words, every fiber in him reacting to you as he swallows hard. “Just a little, bug. Our uber isn’t far.”

The slight tilt of his head is all the encouragement you need, and you press a gentle, lingering kiss to his nape, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows again. Drawn in by the pretty sight, your mouth latches onto his neck, tasting the warmth of his skin.

“Bug,” he croaks, his voice shaky as your lips press more purposefully, your soft touch just a bit more intentional. “Bug, c’mon, baby, not too much. You’re drunk, I—” His breathing deepens as your tongue traces a warm, wet line over his skin, his hands tightening on your sides as he exhales shakily.

Your lips find a soft spot at the base of his neck, and he lets out another unsteady breath, his body responding without his consent. Humming happily, you let yourself sink into the feeling a little longer before pulling back and admiring your handiwork. It’s not enough to leave a mark, just a faint warmth that’ll fade, but it’s still so pretty. You press one last gentle kiss to the spot before turning back around, leaning contentedly back against his chest.

“Thanks, Gukkie. I like the way your skin tastes,” you smile with your eyes closed, settling your hands over his arms around you, the honesty in your words amplified by the haze of the alcohol.

“God, bug,” Jungkook mumbles once he catches his breath, his fingers running lightly up and down your waist as he adjusts the hem of your top, covering you when it rides up a little. “So cute.”

He watches as a soft, pretty smile curves your lips, eyes still closed as you practically purr into him at his comment.

So. Fucking. Cute.

Jungkook rests his head in the crook of your neck, which is bared just for him. Your head lolls back as you sleepily begin to curl into his embrace. “So pretty,” he breathes into your skin, pressing a light little kiss as he inhales as much of your scent as possible.

He’s kissed you plenty of times—on your forehead, your cheeks, even twice on your fucking lips earlier tonight. But he’s never kissed your neck before.

And it’s addicting.

The aroma of your vanilla-creme body wash mixed with the Miss Dior perfume he buys you for your birthdays—fuck. He could lick it off every inch of your body if you’d let him.

But not tonight.

He knows you get extra touchy with him when you’re drunk, and, yeah, he does with you too. That’s just how you two have always been. But it’s usually just longer cuddles, sitting closer than normal, not leaving each other's side for more than a few minutes.

You’ve never done that to him before.

Maybe it’s because, however intoxicated you may be, your brain recognizes the shift between the two of you from earlier at Yoongi and Jia’s.

God, he fucking hopes so.

Jungkook prays that you’ll remember kissing him tomorrow, even if you’re dazed from the alcohol. Because he is too. But, somehow, he'll make sure he remembers every single second.

i hit the fucking block limit >:( sooo nasty of tumblr 😔 the rest of the fic is available in this reblog 🩷

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2hightocare · 8 months ago

Text

APOCALYPSE!

“I could go a fair bit crazy over you.”

Synopsis: In which your boyfriend loves doing corny things with you… he also loves doing you.

Genre: established relationship.

Pairings: boyfriend!jungkook x fem!reader

warnings: smut.. car sex, unprotected sex (wrap it up bro) creampie, praise, size kink, belly bulge, cussing, fluff at beginning and end, banter between couple, oral, overstimulation, squirting, making out, reader crying out of pleasure, choking, spanking, dirty talking, reader fucked ‘dumb’, mentions of ot7, they’re so corny it’s sickening.

author note 🗒️: wrote majority of this shit being faded as fuck so forgive me if it’s ass and ignore the mistakes (I’ll get to them eventually) js wanted to thank everyone for 3k🤍… writers block has been an thing these pasts months so sorry that I haven’t posted anything new. Here’s more of kuwtb oc and jk dating era 🤍

“I should’ve brought my glasses,” you whisper, a loud laugh ripping out of Jungkook's chest. “I can’t see anything, baby.” You turn to your side before swatting him on the chest— a pout displayed on your face, before going back to your original position, looking up at the dark milky way.

“We were having a cute moment, and you just blurt that out,” your boyfriend quips, his eyes focused on your side profile. A small smile tugs on his lips as he sees you scrunch up your nose, shaking your head slightly.

“You’re so right, we are so corny.” You playfully stick your tongue out with a small “yuck,” before bursting into a giggle when Jungkook tickles your side.

“‘Can we lay on the grass and look at the stars?’” Jungkook mocks your voice, changing his tone into a much more high-pitched version to match yours.

“Stop! I wanted to have a moment like Noah and Allie,” you puff, a smile threatening to come out.

“Baby, you know they look at the traffic lights and not the stars, right?” Jungkook raises an eyebrow at you.

“Of course I know, but I feel like we would actually get run over. Plus, I like you too much to just let you get run over.” You shrug, your fingers pulling on the grass on the floor. Your eyes connect to the sky as Jungkook stares at your side profile— taking in every imperfection and turning it into another reason why he loves you.

“Like?” he asks, his thumb running over your bottom lip before tilting your head to the side by your chin, making you look at him.

Your heartbeat skyrockets as he stares into your eyes, the twinkle in them prettier than the stars you were just trying to see. Your stomach lights up as if millions of fireworks exploded in heart-shaped sparkles.

“Love.” You correct yourself, rolling your eyes playfully.

“That’s better.” Jungkook clicks his tongue, pursing his lips out. You let out a giggle, dropping a small chaste kiss on his lips before turning back to the sky with a goofy smile on your face.

“You believe in aliens?” you ask, cracking a smile from Jungkook's face— his dimple carving into his skin as he bites his bottom lip, trying to contain the biggest smile.

“Fuck yeah.” Jungkook nods excitedly.

“We are literally a rock when it comes to the whole universe. There’s gotta be something out there.” Jungkook explains, expanding his arms and pointing to the sky, as you nod happily beside him.

“I agree, my mom said she saw one of those spaceships or whatever they’re called,” you pipe in, turning to your side to face your boyfriend.

“You mean a UFO, baby?” Jungkook's face scrunches in adoration.

“UFO?” You raise an eyebrow.

“Unidentified flying object,” he explains, scooting closer to you— dropping his head to your bare stomach.

“I like spaceships better.” You shrug, and he laughs, adjusting himself slightly. Your fingers find their way into his fluffy hair, combing through it. He moans slightly, melting into your touch, closing his eyes, and dropping a gentle kiss on your abdomen.

“What would you do if an alien kidnapped you?” Jungkook asks, his voice muffled.

“Funny for you to think I would allow it,” you say nonchalantly.

You both could hear a hairpin drop from how quiet you both went before breaking out into a fit of laughter. “Smartass.” Jungkook laughs, jokingly biting your stomach and earning a small squeal from you.

Your laughs die down after a while, replaced by silence, the only sounds being your guys breathing. Your eyes flutter shut with a smile, small goosebumps raising on your arms as Jungkook runs his fingertips on your belly— outlining ‘mine’.

“Tell me about your books,” Jungkook murmurs against your bare skin.

“Wanna know about my current read?” you ask, your fingers tugging softly on his hair, making him look up at you.

“I wanna know everything about you, baby,” Jungkook coos.

“Corny.” You scrunch your nose, placing a palm over his face and pushing softly backward, making him laugh. “Tell me about the thick-ass book I bought you two days ago.” Your boyfriend drops kisses all over your stomach.

“The dragon one?” you poke his cheek, before letting your finger play with his lip ring.

“There’s dragons?” Jungkook gasps, looking up at you.

“Yeah, and they have sex,” you say with a smothering giggle, whispering the last words in a hushed tone, making Jungkook's eyes widen.

“That’s enough, baby.” Your boyfriend raises an eyebrow before shaking his head, changing the topic to the latest drama, including Eunbi and Yoongi.

“Lora and I saw them coming out of the guest room while you were doing cartwheels with Taehyung,” Jungkook chuckles, the amusement on his face rubbing off on you.

“You’re lying,” you gasp, your jaw dropping open.

“I honestly didn’t see it coming.” Jungkook bites his lip, containing a smile. “Do you think Yoongi is the sub?” he continues before bursting out in a laugh, you following along.

"It's going to rain," you observe after a while, noticing a lightning strike in the dark sky. Jungkook hums in agreement before sitting up. He holds out his palm for you to take, which you do, and pulls you up onto his lap in a quick, soft motion.

You immediately wrap your arms around his neck, adjusting on his lap and straddling him. His thumbs rub circles on your bare thighs.

"I want another tattoo," Jungkook murmurs, his lips pressing kisses along your collarbone and neck. You nod slightly, enjoying the sensation of his lips against your skin.

"Where?" you ask, holding his head in place with your palms. He bites his bottom lip, looking up at you with dilated pupils.

"My forehead, and it'll be your name," Jungkook says with a grin, making you roll your eyes playfully.

"You're annoying," you retort, pushing his head backwards, making him gasp dramatically.

"I think it'll look good, you know? Just got to pick a cool font," Jungkook jokes, poking your side, sending you squirming on his lap.

"You're never ever getting my name tattooed on you," you shoot him a glare, which he only responds to by sucking in his lips and widening his eyes before shrugging.

"I think your lips tattooed on my hip bone would be hot," Jungkook wiggles his eyebrows.

"You're crazy," you pout, scrunching your nose as he gives your cheek a kiss.

"Yeah?" Your boyfriend smirks, his hands gripping the sides of your waist, squeezing softly, pulling you closer to him.

"I could go a fair bit crazy over you, baby." His lips brush against yours.

Suddenly, the air is knocked out of your lungs when his lips crash against yours. It doesn't matter how many times he has kissed you; you just can't control the utter madness of butterflies swarming your stomach. The fuzzy feeling fills your senses with every touch of his fingertips on your hot skin. The warmth of his touch, the softness of his lips against yours, all conspire to make your heart flutter with the same giddy excitement as the very first time.

His touch is electric, sending shivers cascading down your spine as his fingers trace the curve of your jaw, his hand gently cradling your face. With a tender yet insistent pressure, he deepens the kiss, his lips parting yours in a silent invitation.

You can feel the heat of his body pressed against yours as you move your hips against his. A soft moan slips past your lips into Jungkook's mouth as he guides your hips on his hardened length.

Jungkook's hand travels up, tangling in your hair, small, light rain drops start to fall down from the dark sky.

"Car?" he says in between kisses. You nod, moaning at the sensation of his lips on your collarbone, leaving purple, reddish marks.

You could never get tired of the way Jungkook looked at you, his eyes shimmery with a mix of love, need, and adoration. It was intoxicating, making you forget all your problems. The universe could have collapsed around you, and you would only care about his mouth on yours.

Everything about him was perfect, his scent, his touch, his voice, those beautiful lips, the way he looked at you, as if you were the only one that mattered in his world.

"Yes, car," you agree, breathy and disheveled.

In a swift motion, Jungkook stood and lifted you, carrying you to the car as you wrapped your legs around his waist. It wasn't until you reached the car that he broke the intense kiss, leaving your lips tingling with desire.

With a wicked grin, Jungkook, laid you on the backseat of his car. Jungkook’s fingers found the hem of your crop top, lifting it up, and you helped by throwing your hands over your head- revealing your lacy black bra.

A soft moan fell from your lips as he freed your breasts from the lace, by tugging downwards.

Your soft moans echoed within the car when your boyfriend cups your tits, massaging and kneading, your nipples hardening.

His lips found your jaw, kissing your neck— his eyes darted up to meet yours before his lips met the peak of your nipple, hot breath, then suckling gently, keeping his gaze locked before shifting his attention to the other breast.

Moaning, you bit your lip, head falling back from the sensation. Jungkook loved how responsive you are, the way your nails dig into his upper back.

“Fuck, you’re beautiful.” Jungkook moans, his calloused hands grip your waist in place to stop you from squirming on the leather seat.

He leaned in close, planting a trail of soft kisses along your neck and shoulders. “Mine.” Your boyfriend whispered into your skin.

You licked your lips, not able to find the words to say what you wanted, as all your thoughts were consumed by lust. Your back arched, encouraging the caresses he was giving. His hand grabbed the back of your head, pulling you closer. His lips met yours, deep and hungry, claiming your mouth as his. You let out a soft moan, your hands finding their way to his face.

“Spread your legs princess.” Jungkook says, his voice deep and gentle— he taps on your inner thigh.

You hum softly, watching your boyfriend work on the zipper and buttons from your denim shorts. Jungkook pulls down your shorts down your legs— your panties following quick after.

“Look how pretty this pussy is,” Jungkook chuckled, his eyes making contact with yours raising an eyebrow. He runs a finger down your slit making you choke out a desperate whine.

“Feels good baby?” He says, he adjusts himself— pushing your legs back, giving him more space to be face to face with your dripping core. You only moan in response when he drops a soft kiss on your clit.

You couldn’t help the whimpers that escaped your lips, He smiled against your heat, He licked his lips as he slowly parted your folds with his thumbs, revealing your glistening clit. He took it into his mouth, sucking and swirling his tongue around it. You let out a desperate moan, your hips bucking in desperation.

He started flicking his tongue against your clit, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. Your back arched, grinding your pussy against his tongue, feeling it flick deep inside your folds.

“Ngh, right there,” You dug your nails into his hair, your toes curling.

“Right here baby?” Jungkook smirked, inserting two fingers into your sopping hole. You couldn't help but moan and nod, as his fingers curled inside you, hitting your sweet spot perfectly.

“Ass up, princess.” he ordered. Without needing to be told twice, you did as you were told, with wobbly legs you flip around. He roughly grabbed one cheek, squeezing it and spreading you, giving him a view of your tight, puckered hole.

Jungkooks cock twitches in his pants as he watches your holes clench over nothing. “Feeling empty?” He chuckles, a rough hand makes contact with your ass with a hard smack— your back arches. You let out a loud squeal, pleasure and pain mixing together.

He lets out a low growl, his cock straining against his pants, Jungkook moans as he watches your wetness begin to drip down your thighs onto his seats.

“Actually, do you want to tell me about the dragons you were reading about?” Jungkook jokes behind you making you snap your head backwards with a glare.

“You’re annoying.” You pout, Jungkook eyes twinkle with amusement— he bites down on his bottom lip containing the smile that is threatening to spill out. “Annoying? I have you spread out in front of me baby… your pussy is literally dripping.” Jungkook tilts his head to the side cheekily.

Your boyfriend taps on your ass for you to turn around.

He didn’t have to tell you twice as you flip around, before reaching for the waistband of his sweatpants. You pull down on the waistband, alongside his boxers. His cock springs out, the head red and aching.

Jungkook watches you wrap your hand over his thick length, giving a slow pump causing him to blow out a sigh. Jungkook stops you before you connect your lips with his cock.

“As much as I want you to give me the head of my life, I fucking need to be inside your pretty pussy right now baby.” Jungkook rushes out, tugging on your loose hair backwards.

You pout at him. “Let me fuck you.” Jungkook whispers, the grip on your hair tighten pulling you upwards— his lips milliliters away from your face.

“Fuck me.” You whimper.

The moment the words left your mouth jungkook is picking you up and placing you on top of his lap. You’re leaning your back against Jungkook's chest, your legs spread open on each side of his big thighs. His arm is snaked around your waist pulling you closer into him.

“Cramps?” Jungkook whispers into your neck, “not yet.” You joke, he shakes his head with a small laugh before you wrap your hand around his cock aligning it to your entrance.

“Going to take my cock like a good girl?” He guided your hand, aligning it to your dripping entrance. He rubbed the tip of his cock against your pussy before pushing his cock inside you. You feel the familiar pressure as he slowly slid his length inside you, your pussy sucking him in.

“So big.. fuck.” You moan, your pussy clenching around him making him moan against your ear. “If you keep doing that I’m going to cum.” He chuckled.

You dipped down onto his cock, his cock hitting your cervix when you completely sat down on it. Your legs shake beside you, his hands fastly grip underneath your thighs.

“All up my belly.” You moan, arching your back against him.

The sight of his cock inside you, buried up to the hilt, made him moan. "You're so tight," he half-whispered, half-growled against the shell of your ear, the roughness of his voice only fueling the intense passion that already burned through your veins.

He wove his fingers into your hair, guiding your head with an almost possessive need as he tilted you to give him better access to your lips. Jungkook crashed his mouth against yours, his tongue invading, claiming. His eyes closed for a moment as he savored the sensation of your wet, tight pussy engulfing him completely.

He groaned as you lifted yourself, his cock popping out momentarily before sliding back in when you slammed down on it, your cervix meeting his tip with each movement. It was a merciless, primal form of pleasure, your wetness coating his length with every thrust.

His eyes remained locked on you as you got lost in the sensation of his thick length filling you up, throaty moans leaving your lips as you moved on top of him, grinding down onto his cock, your hips moving in a circular motion. Jungkook couldn't help the low growl that left his throat

He pulled you back up, forcing you to bounce on his rigid cock, watching as your full lips parted in an ecstatic moan. The sway of your hips in time with the motion of his cock sliding in and out of you was so fucking erotic it was almost a crime.

You gasped, leaning back just enough to give Jungkook better access to your exposed neck. His cock hitting your g-spot repeatedly which each bounce.

Jungkook's hips bucked up, meeting your bounces, desperate to get as deep as he could, to fill you up completely. The sensation was almost overpowering. A familiar heat was building inside you, a sweet ache that craved release.

Your eyes rolled back, waves of pleasure overwhelmed you.

His hips pumped faster, his cock buried deep inside you, stretching you in the most exquisite way. Jungkook took your lips in another deep, greedy kiss, muffling the sounds of your cries as you rocked your hips wildly, trying to take him as deep as you could, desperate to reach that peak that felt so tantalizingly close.

“I can’t.” You cry, "That's it, baby, feel every inch." He urged you on.

The thrusts grew rougher, deafening the world around you except for the sound of your moans, his grunts, the soft squelching of your bodies coming together and the rain pouring outside.

The pressure built and built, coiling tighter and tighter until you could no longer contain it. Your entire body trembled as you came undone, shattering the quiet of the car with a lustful cry. Your pussy clamped down around Jungkook's cock,

"Cum for me, baby," he whispered, his voice hoarse with lust.

You let out a loud whine as his cock slipped out of you. Your body continued to rock back and forth, the ache of denial from not having his cock buried inside you being too much to bear. You glanced down between your legs, flushed when you noticed the stickiness that coated your inner thighs.

Jungkook picked up your trembling body and placed your back onto the leather seat. “Gon’ fuck you missionary so I can see your pretty face when I fill you up with my cum.” Your boyfriend growls.

Jungkook wasted no time, returning home, his cock sliding inside you once more as you let out a needy moan.

His thrusts were relentless, deep, and hard, driving himself into you. The way your pussy immediately clenched around him, took him in so greedily, made him groan, his eyes locked on yours.

A hand wrapped around your throat, squeezing just enough to keep you eager for air. “H-harder,” you pant, your voice growing hoarse as his grip tightened.

The car rocked beneath the force of his thrusts, the sounds of wet slaps echoed, mixed with your cries of pleasure, your head tossing back, your eyes rolling back at the ferocity of his thrusts, the sensations building once more, the climax burning beneath your skin.

"Harder...fuck, harder," you cried out, your voice high-pitched and desperate. Jungkook chuckled, releasing his hold on your throat, you gasp as you inhale deeply for air.

Jungkook fingers find their way to your clit once more, his thumb rubbing it in circles while he continues to thrust into your soaked cunt.

The mix of the insistent pressure on your clit and the rough thrusts was too much, a wave of pure pleasure crashing over you, your pussy gripping his cock, your body pulsing around him. Jungkook pulled out, watching with a devilish grin as your pussy squirted all over the two of you.

Jungkook slapped his cock on your swollen clit— watching your pussy spasm with spurts of juices, before pushing his cock back into you.

The sensation of being filled once more, the echo of your screams, bouncing off the car roof, and the overwhelming orgasm had left you lightheaded. You clung to Jungkook, panting, drool sliding down your chin.

"Fuck, you're so wet for me..." He groaned in pleasure, the sensation of your slick walls gripping him, almost drowning him.

"You... fuck me so good, baby," you panted, the words slurred, your voice bordering on sounding completely fucked-dumb. Your body shuddering, your pussy spasming around his cock, your orgasm brewing fast. Jungkook's hips sped up, his cock pulsing inside you.

Suddenly, your back arched, your vision filled with a white haze as another orgasm crashed over you. The delicious agony coursed through your body, your pussy clenching down on his cock, Jungkook grunted, feeling you contract around him, the sensation sending him over the edge. His cock pumped inside you, the warmth of his seed filling you up completely. He moaned against your neck, his heart pounding, lost in the sensation of having you completely wrapped around him

"Fuck, baby," he groaned, his jaw clenching, his eyes closed as he rode out the intense wave of ecstasy. His breath hitched, his hips jerking, before he collapsed against you, his cock still throbbing inside you, spent.

Your body continued to tremble, the aftershocks of the powerful climax lingering. Your heart raced, your breaths coming in ragged pants, sweat beading on your forehead.

With a low growl, Jungkook slowly pulled out of you leaving you feeling impossibly empty. The slick sound of his withdrawal accompanied by a heated chuckle of his.

Jungkook looked down, the sight of your pussy dripping with his cum— your wet pussy gaping, waiting for him to fill you once again.

Jungkook watched, captivated by the scene, as you reached down to collect his cum, watching as you pushed it back inside.

“Fuck.. that was hot.” Jungkook groaned, his lips landed on your face, trails of wet kisses from your forehead, down to your nose, your cheeks, and finally landing on your lips. The storm outside, the rain and thunder providing the soundtrack to your post-coital bliss.

Your limp, spent body sprawled over his car seats, your heart still racing, your breaths coming in shallow pants. You gazed up at him, the sweat on his forehead, the flush on his cheeks, the lust still in his eyes, his breathing heavy. A hand cupped your cheek, his fingers gently stroking your jawline as his lips moved against yours in a tender kiss.

Jungkook traced his fingers along your jawline, pushing a lock of hair behind your ear.

"You good, baby?" He asked, the tenderness in his voice, an unexpected warmth to the intensity of what had just happened.

Your eyes fluttered open, looking up at him and giving a slow, lazy smile. "Yeah, just a bit sore," you responded, blatantly referring to the aching between your legs.

"You're cute, baby," Jungkook whispered into your lips, the simple remark warming you, leaving your heart fluttering. You hummed in content.

The two of you lay there, naked, your skin still glistening from sweat, the weight of the storm outside more comforting than daunting. Your breaths slowly returning to normal.

A beat of silence permeated the car until Jungkook finally broke it, his voice brimming with mirth. "So... do you think we fucked better than the dragons from your book?"

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aajjks · 11 days ago

Text

Stuck With You. (m)

synopsis. Imagine being stuck in a room with a walking nightmare who really wants to fuck you.

genre: crack, 18+.

pairings: jungkook x fem reader.

warnings: stûck în â rôôm tôgêthêr trôpê, crîngê jûngkôôk, hôrnÿ jûngkôôk, tsûndêrê ÿn, sêxûâl jôkês, ônê bêd trôpê, hê jûst wânts tô hît ît wîth ÿôû ând lîvê hâppîlÿ êvêr âftêr.

note. If this flops- oh well. But if this becomes a hit, I will make it a series hehe, gif credits to owner, found it on Pinterest. OMG ENJOY!

pt 2 on high demand.

You are absolutely going to lose your mind. Not because you’re stuck in a room—

no, that part isn’t even the problem. It’s who you’re stuck with.

“Don’t look so mad, babe. You’ll get wrinkles,” Jungkook says, leaning lazily against the wall with his arms crossed, looking every bit like he owns the place.

His black t-shirt clings to his annoyingly perfect body, and his smug grin stretches wider every time he catches your glare.

“You’re the reason we’re stuck in here, you idiot,” you snap, pacing the room. “Who even breaks a doorknob while trying to open the door?”

“It wasn’t my fault!” he protests, throwing his hands up. “The thing was loose—like, super loose. I barely touched it.”

You stop pacing and point at him. “You yanked it like you were in a strongman competition!”

Jungkook shrugs, like being accused of destroying things is just another Tuesday for him. “Maybe. But hey, at least we’ve got… each other?” His grin turns into that stupid wink he loves so much.

You groan and flop onto the bed. It creaks under your weight, and you make a face because this feels like the start of a very bad rom-com. “I can’t believe this. I have work tomorrow.”

Jungkook leans against the bedpost, towering over you with that annoyingly pretty face of his. “Relax, princess. I’m sure someone will fix it soon. Meanwhile…” His eyes trail down your body in that blatant, shameless way that only Jungkook can pull off. “…you’re looking pretty comfortable.”

“Stop staring at my tits, Jeon.” You cross your arms over your chest, even though you know it won’t stop him.

This is seriously ridiculous.

“I wasn’t,” he lies, biting back a grin.

“You were.”

“Okay, I was,” he admits, laughing. He flops down onto the bed beside you, making the mattress bounce slightly. He’s so close that you can feel the heat radiating off his body. “But you can’t really blame me. They’re right there.”

You grab a pillow and smack him with it, hard enough to knock some of the smugness out of him. He lets out an exaggerated groan, clutching his chest like you’ve mortally wounded him. “Abuse! yn, you’re abusing me!”

“You deserve it!” you say, your voice rising with every word.

you like being evil.

“Oh, come on.” He shifts closer, so close his shoulder brushes against yours. His voice drops, teasing and low. “Admit it. You’d miss me if I weren’t here.”

You scoff. “I’d celebrate.”

Jungkook gasps dramatically, his hand flying to his chest. “Cold. That was cold, yn.” He shakes his head, his messy hair falling into his eyes. “You’d be crying without me to entertain you.”

“I’d cry tears of joy.”

“Sure, sure,” he says, his grin widening. Then he leans in, his voice dropping again. “But… if you’re gonna cry, you might as well do it on my shoulder, babe.”

You hate the way your stomach flips at his tone. His big, stupid eyes are focused on you, and for once, they’re not looking at your chest.

You roll your eyes to hide how flustered you feel. “You’re impossible.”

“And you’re irresistible,” he fires back, leaning in even closer. His breath tickles your skin, and you shove him away before he gets any ideas.

“Don’t even think about it.”

“What?” he says, feigning innocence as he lays back on the bed, his arms tucked behind his head. “I wasn’t thinking anything.”

“You’re always thinking something,” you say, narrowing your eyes.

“Maybe,” he admits, his lips twitching up into a smirk. “But if I told you, you’d probably hit me again.”

“You’re not wrong.”

He laughs, loud and carefree, and it’s so annoying that you can’t help but smile a little.

Even though he’s so fucking annoying.

Time passes slower than it should. You’re lying back now, one arm thrown over your face to block out the overhead light, trying to focus on literally anything other than the fact that you’re stuck in a room with Jeon Jungkook.

“yn,” Jungkook says after a while, his tone softer now.

“What?” you ask without looking at him.

“I’m bored.”

You sigh. “And what do you want me to do about it?”

“I don’t know… entertain me?”

You pull your arm off your face and give him a deadpan look. “What am I, a clown?”

His grin returns, and you immediately regret your choice of words. “You could put on a show for me, babe.”

You groan. “Shut up, Jeon.”

“Or,” he says, his voice dipping lower as he rolls onto his side to face you, “we could play a game.”

You narrow your eyes. “What kind of game?”

“Truth or dare.”

“No.”

“Oh, come on, don’t be boring.”

“I’m not playing truth or dare with you, Jungkook. I know how your brain works.”

He pouts, and it’s so absurdly dramatic that you almost laugh. Almost. “You’re no fun, yn.”

“Good. I don’t want to be fun.”

Jungkook sits up suddenly, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Fine. Then let’s make a bet.”

“A bet?” you repeat, suspicious.

“Yeah.” His grin turns wicked. “If we’re still stuck in here after another hour, you have to go on a real date with me.”

Your jaw drops. “What?”

“You heard me.” He shrugs, like this is the most normal thing in the world. “Take it or leave it, babe.”

You sit up, crossing your arms. “And what happens if we get out of here before the hour’s up?”

Jungkook’s grin doesn’t falter. “Then I’ll stop making inappropriate jokes for a week.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “You’re lying.”

“Scout’s honor,” he says, holding up three fingers.

You stare at him for a long moment, weighing your options. Then, finally, you sigh. “Fine. But you’re going to regret this when we’re out of here in twenty minutes.”

Jungkook just smirks, his confidence radiating off him in waves. “We’ll see, babe.”

And as much as you hate to admit it, you kind of hope you lose.

You stare at him, his stupid is grin practically glowing in the dim light of the room. He’s lying on his side now, looking way too comfortable, while you’re still sitting upright like you’re waiting for a rescue team.

“You seem a little tense,” he says, his voice dropping into that low, teasing tone that always makes your eye twitch.

“I wonder why,” you deadpan, gesturing to the locked door. “Maybe it’s because I’m stuck in here with a man-child who thinks ‘truth or dare’ is an appropriate solution to boredom.”

Jungkook props his head up on one hand, his biceps flexing in a way that feels intentional. “I’m just saying, if we’re stuck here, we might as well make it fun. And let’s face it, yn, no one else makes you laugh like I do.”

You snort, leaning back against the headboard. “You don’t make me laugh. You make me want to scream.”

“Same thing,” he says with a wink.

You roll your eyes, but you can’t fight the small smile tugging at the corner of your lips. You hate that he’s right.

As much as you want to throttle him half the time, the other half? You’re too busy laughing at his ridiculousness to care.

“Okay,” you say suddenly, sitting up straighter. “Let’s play your stupid game.”

Jungkook perks up immediately, his eyes lighting up like a kid on Christmas morning. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth,” you say, crossing your arms.

He doesn’t even hesitate. “Do you think I’m hot?”

You blink at him, stunned by his audacity, before letting out a disbelieving laugh. “You’re unbelievable.”

“It’s a valid question,” he says, his smirk growing. “Come on, yn. Be honest.”

You narrow your eyes at him, your cheeks heating against your will. “Fine. You’re… decent-looking.”

He’s very hot, but he doesn’t need to know that.

“Decent-looking?” He clutches his chest like you’ve just stabbed him. “You’re breaking my heart here.”

“Good,” you say, fighting back a grin.

“Your turn,” he says, recovering quickly. “Truth or dare?”

You pause, considering your options. “Dare.”

His smirk turns dangerous, and you immediately regret your decision. “I dare you to sit on my lap.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Come on, it’s just a dare,” he says, his tone deceptively innocent. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“I murder you in cold blood, for starters.”

Jungkook laughs, leaning back against the pillows like he’s got all the time in the world. “You’re no fun.”

“You keep saying that like it’s a bad thing.”

He grins, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “It is when you’re this cute.”

You throw a pillow at his face, and he catches it effortlessly, laughing as he tosses it back at you.

Another twenty minutes pass, and you’re lying side by side now, both of you staring at the ceiling.

“You know,” Jungkook says, his voice softer now, “this isn’t so bad.”

You turn your head to look at him, your brows furrowing. “Being locked in a room?”

“Being stuck with you,” he says, and for once, there’s no teasing in his voice.

Your stomach does a weird little flip, and you quickly look away, your cheeks heating. “You’re such a sap.”

You Kind of like it, but…

“Only for you, babe.”

You groan, shoving him with your shoulder. “Stop calling me babe.”

“Why?” he asks, rolling onto his side to face you. “Does it make your heart race?”

“No,” you lie, glaring at him.

Jungkook smirks, leaning in closer. “Liar.”

“Idiot.”

“Hot,” he counters, his grin widening.

You don’t dignify that with a response.

Eventually, the tension breaks when the doorknob jiggles, and a muffled voice calls from the other side.

“Are you guys okay in there?”

You spring off the bed like it’s on fire. “Yes! Get us out!”

Jungkook stays lying down, his arms tucked behind his head, looking as relaxed as ever. “Take your time!” he calls out.

You glare at him, your heart pounding for reasons you’d rather not analyze. “Get up, Jeon.”

“Nah, I’m good here.”

“Get. Up.”

He sighs, sitting up with an exaggerated groan. “Fine. But only because you’re cute when you’re bossy.”

You grab the nearest pillow and whack him one last time, just for good measure.

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clubdionysus · 9 months ago

Text

[BAD DECISION #7] Sex With An Ex

warnings: sad girl hours!! backstory!! wahoo!! reader gets a nickname (byeol (means star in korean)). enter stage left: KIM SEOKJIN. no smut but references back to things said mid-shag. first mention of jk’s lip ring flipping (i think (first of MANY)). very emotionally hurt reader :(

soundtrack:don’t know how to keep loving you - julia jacklin; 3:00 am - finding hope; blender - 5sos

wc: 6k

bd total wc: 540k (on-going)

minors dni | AO3 | series masterlist

A frigid early morning breeze dances around Jeongguk's bare legs. The hairs stand on end, in protest of the fact he's elected to wait downstairs by the entrance of his apartment.

He knows you're in a taxi - had sent you his address, and had been sent a message back a few moments later saying 'omw', but he isn't sure if you remember which floor he's on, nor which apartment is his. It's almost as if he didn't put a decal sticker that resembles Iron Man's Arc Reactor on their doorbell.

Jimin is yet to notice it.

You had giggled, still tipsy, when you'd spotted it on the night that Jimin had taken you back to their place, but can barely remember it, now.

And so, Jeongguk waits for you in the cold, hands bunched into the pockets of his shorts, a white shirt hanging off his broad shoulders, which are slightly hunched over. He's trying to preserve heat. Wishes he was wearing socks. Will blame you if he gets sick.

Yet when your taxi rolls up - and he's squinting from the headlights, eyes a little puffy from his lack of sleep - he knows that you're not in the mood to be blamed for anything. There seems like there's a weight on your shoulders as you thank your driver, making sure the door is shut before turning to face Jeongguk.

Posture sloped, you don't carry yourself like you usually do. Normally spritely, you seem quite the opposite now.

Your lips are thin as you smile.

He reciprocates a similar countenance, his lip ring flipping up ever so gently as he does it. There's something sweet about it, and it always makes you feel a little warm, normally, but you can't bring yourself to be endeared by it right now.

He walks to meet you - just a few steps across the ground floor parking lot - and wraps his arms around your shoulders. Doesn't let the hug linger for too long. Isn't entirely certain it won't make you cry.

"You're missing your disco, Byeol," Jeongguk says tenderly as he looks down at you, taking note of the fact you're without your signature makeup. He's so close he can count your lashes, and not a single one has a trace of glitter. You ignore the connotations of how he replaces ball with byeol. You're not sure how deliberate it is.

A familiar heat tickles at your lash line. With a sigh, you shrug. Look down at Jeongguk's hands, which are picking loose hairs from your shirt.

They're so acquainted with you now that you notice a graze on his finger that wasn't there the last time you'd hung out. Wonder how he got it. Hope he's okay, and that it didn't hurt. It's just a scrape from an awkward bottle cap. Nothing to worry about.

When your eyes finally meet his, you're surprised by how brutal his stare is. Eyes dark, there's no stars in them. His sharp jaw seems particularly tense, nose pointed and dewy beneath the moonlight. Behind him, the lobby light cuts out.

He swallows, dropping his hands from your shirt as his body turns to set the motion detector off again.

"Can we go inside?" you ask, quiet as a mouse.

Jeongguk doesn't understand why you're being so timid with him. He's not a fucking cat. You aren't his prey.

He just nods, though. "Of course."

The shrill beep of his entryway door code being punched in makes you feel like heaving. Everything is a little too much - which is why, when Jeongguk presses the button for the elevator, you ask if you can take the stairs instead.

"Sure," he says, a little taken aback. He normally takes the stairs himself, but thought you wouldn't want to walk up twelve flights of stairs. "We're pretty high up."

"S'fine," you say as you head towards the staircase. It's dimly lit, motion sensor lights flickering alight as you approach them. "Need the walk."

He chooses not to engage in conversation. Your words feel coded, and he isn't sure he's able to decipher them. Doesn't wanna risk saying the wrong thing when you're in a mood that feels so unfamiliar to him.

He's seen grouchy. Seen you unhappy. This isn't like that.

This is something different entirely.

He doesn't speak until you're on the staircase that exits on his floor, but his tone is gentle. "This one."

You nod, as if you knew.

Truth is you didn't. In fact, you kind of wish he'd just let you walk up to the roof. It'd be impossible to see the stars this close to the heart of the city, but at least you could pretend that the planes were cosmic calamities; shooting stars to make new wishes upon.

The lead is taken by Jeongguk until you reach his apartment.

He tells you Jimin is asleep, but that his room is at the opposite end of the apartment, so you can talk in there. He takes your silence as agreement, and holds the door open for you.

Shoes off by the entrance, he rests his palm on the top of your back to guide you through the dark apartment. It's how you remember it, the only difference is that Jeongguk's wearing a shirt this time.

When you reach his bedroom door, he pauses.

"If you say one mean thing about my sculpture collection, I'm throwing you out the window," he whispers, which does admittedly make a laugh stammer in your chest.

Makes you curious, too.

Hadn't envisaged him as a fine art type of guy.

He'd look good in your cafe, you think, in the corner with the clay, dried grey specs on his honey skin. You'd give him the olive-coloured apron, if he ever visited, because you think it'd suit him. Would watch with a lazy grin from the counter as he got to work on his project. Would sit with him during his breaks and colour in his tattoos with posca pens. Would be nice, you think.

But those thoughts are washed away like heat in a summer rain when his door opens and you see what he really means.

You don't mean it to be, but the laugh you let out is so fucking obnoxious. Jeongguk's hands go to shush you, one on the back of your head, the other over your mouth - but he's giggling, too.

"I told you not to be mean!"

You can feel him grin against your hair, keeping close so that he can keep his voice down. He doubts Jimin will stir, but it's worth it to hear your happiness. Jeongguk loosens his grip on you, turning back to click his door shut, and lets you meander over to his collection of-

"These are action figures, Gguk."

"They're sculptures."

"Toys."

"Collectibles."

"Collectible toys."

He purses his lips as you turn around to look at him. His arms are folded, nose a little scrunched, desperately not wanting to admit defeat.

"Look, they're really fucking expensive!"

And then you're laughing again, at how bloody ridiculous he is.

It somehow comes as no surprise that Jeongguk would have comic book figurines in perspex boxes, neatly stacked like a museum exhibition in the corner of his bedroom - just like it makes perfect sense that there's a chess set next to a computer that looks like it's worth your monthly salary.

"Can I-?" You cut yourself off as you gesture around the room.

"Go for it," Jeongguk says as he takes a seat on his bed, letting you wonder freely, taking in all that he is. He thinks you need a distraction, and he's to provide that. Knows you'd do the same if roles were reversed. In fact, it gets him wondering what your bedroom is like. He'll consider the what-ifs later. Too busy watching you, now.

A reed diffuser sits atop a pile of unread books on his bedside table - ones he swears to Namjoon that he'll read, but never seems to get around to doing so. The scent is black cherry, but there's another on the far side of the room which is fresh cotton. Nothing is ever entirely straightforward with him, but it's kind of why you like his company.

"This one is good," you muse, tapping the spine of one of your favourites - Cho Nam-Joo's Kim Ji-Young, Born 1982. You've the same book on your shelf at home. There are a few you don't recognise, so make a note to ask him about those another time.

His bed is made, but it's just as ruffled as his dark hair, which sticks out a little on end. You meet his eyes as you scan the room, and find that there's a small smile on his lips. You reciprocate it, hoping it's enough to distract him from the fact you're not quite yourself.

"Wanna sit?" he asks, knocking his head to the space beside him.

You don't think you do. You don't want to really be close to another person, not physically.

Something about him makes it hard to refuse such an offer, though. You find yourself nodding, even when you don't mean to.

He shuffles a little further up his bed, falling down onto his back to stare at his ceiling again. His legs hang off the side of his bed, hands intertwined across his chest.

You follow suit. Legs up, knees bent, feet by your ass, you copy his hands as you stare at his ceiling, too. Above you, his origami birds flutter gently in the aircon breeze.

"You make them?"

"Mhmm."

"They're pretty."

"Pretty lame," he snorts, very much aware that it's not the coolest thing to have in your bedroom as a twenty-five year old man, almost forgetting his glorified doll collection.

His sheets are soft, but there's still a slight crinkle as he turns his head to look at you. Though you feel his gaze, you don't look back.

"No disco balls tonight?"

The question is expressed so tenderly that you can't help but swallow back the flounder in your diaphragm. Your head slowly shakes, but you're still looking up at the birds. Part of you hates that he associates you so damn closely with that fucking glitter. Part of you quite likes it, too. Makes you feel seen. Makes you feel vulnerable.

"Why not?" He asks.

"Just 'cause," you whisper, not intending on giving an answer of substance - but you're upset, and it's a topic of contention that has been eating away at you for so long now that you can't help yourself from biting a little bit. "Sometimes it's just not very mature."

Jeongguk snorts. "You're talking to the guy with a figurine collection."

And then you're smiling, because his self-awareness is not only refreshing but incredibly endearing. He doesn't take himself seriously, and it's why you like his company. One of the reasons, at least.

But then you're thinking about how nice it is to laugh with someone for the simplicity of feeling a shared happiness, and you can't help but let the truth slip out.

"I used to date a guy," your voice lingers on your words, before you sigh and continue. "And he was so cool, yanno? So smart, and mature-"

The emphasis on the word, and the fact you're repeating it, tells Jeongguk all he needs to know about exactly what's happened tonight. Not once have you ever cared for looking older than you are, content with having fun thanks to the freedom of your twenties. In the time that he's known you, the topic of maturity has only ever been mentioned when you berate each other for being stupid.

Your compulsion to seem mature now is telling. He knows where you've been. Who you've been with, even if he doesn't know exactly who he is.

"- and he was just... you know people who have shit figured out? He's like that. He's older. Wiser." You pause, but Jeongguk lets you keep talking. His eyes are on the ceiling now, too. "Anyways, glitter annoys him. Gets on his clothes and then apparently it's a bitch to get out but I'm so used to it that I never notice it-"

"It's not a bitch to get out."

"And like, he's just, mature, yanno?"

"Yeah, you said that."

"So," you shrug your shoulders into the mattress. "He doesn't like glitter."

There's silence as Jeongguk thinks about what the fuck he's supposed to say to that.

In his eyes, you are glitter. Called you Byeol earlier 'cause you remind him of fucking stars. Feels a bit stupid for it now, but he's hoping you misheard.

He has to bite on his cheeks to stop himself from saying some scathing remark. 'So he doesn't like you, then?' reverberates in his head. It's harsh, he knows, but he wants to say it because he wants you to realise how terrible it is to change yourself for someone like that. And for what? It obviously didn't go well if you've ended up here.

But you are here. And he knows he's right - things can't have gone well. You're probably already feeling like shit, and who is he to make you feel even worse?

He can't be putting you through the wringer like that, but he's perplexed at the idea of you being so invested in someone who is quite clearly unbelievably wrong for you.

He's been in your position before.

Knows that him being a prick will only cause more damage.

And so he's kind, instead.

"I think it suits you," he says. "The glitter, I mean. You look fine without it, but it does really suit you."

You lean your head to the side, trying to get a read on his face. He just keeps on looking at the birds.

There's a harshness to the shadows on his face, painting him in greys. You don't realise it, but you're just the same - shrouded in the darkness of the night. His bedroom curtains are open, but the city lights aren't that bright at this time in the morning. Without the glitter to catch in what little light there is, your spark is dulled.

"You're just not used to seeing me without it," you say with a smile, but it doesn't reach your eyes.

He lets his head fall to the side, mirroring you. Strands of hair fall over his forehead, obscuring his eyes, tickling at his lashes. You reach over and knock a couple out of the way, trying to disregard the weight of his gaze. Deciding it's impossible, you look back up to the ceiling.

"You saw him tonight?" Jeongguk asks.

All you do is nod, because you're pretty sure you'll cry if you try and speak. The way your lips press together, brows tight above your pitiful eyes is painful to watch. You take a second. Take a breath. Wait for the next question.

"You slept with him?"

Jeongguk feels bad for the leap in questions, but he knows he's getting nods or shakes, and he want to get to the root of why the fuck you're ending your night in his room instead of with the guy you've been hung up on for months. Doesn't know his name. Doesn't care to know it. Thinks he's a prick.

A wallowing sadness sits in his chest when you nod your head, not for himself, but for you. He's never seen you like this. Never knew someone could have so much power over you.

Headstrong is all he's ever known you to be, but he feels like one of the King's men trying to put bloody Humpty Dumpty back together again.

You swallow back the sob that's causing a commotion in your oesophagus, as if the movement doesn't remind you of his hand on your throat.

God, you wish you could just stop thinking about him.

You think it would have hurt less if he'd have taken a knife to it.

Instead, his hands had been so warm and gentle, that you thought it meant he was trying to reclaim the space that used to hold a necklace with his initial.

Jeongguk doesn't want to ask the next question, but knows that as your friend - as a duty of care - he has to.

"Did he..." Jeongguk pauses, unsure of how to phrase in a delicate way.

"No," you finally, say, because you know where it's going. "He didn't hurt me."

"You've been crying," Jeongguk objects.

"Didn't hurt me like that."

He nods, accepting your response. Still has no idea what to fucking say, but he never does around you. S'why he always takes a moment or so. Brain just doesn't work when you're around.

"You wanna talk about it?"

To talk means to cry, and you don't really wanna do that. You glance over to him, and watch the way he's nibbling on his bottom lip, toying with his ring. Eyes still on the ceiling, Jeongguk pretends not to notice. You're both good at that. Pretending.

The silver of his jewellery - his piercings, his thick bracelets, the chain around his neck - just reminds you of the earrings that you're wearing.

They're dainty. Pretty little hoops. Intricate leaves trail around the smooth shape, tiny sparkling stones catching in the light. You'd worn them deliberately. Had hoped he'd notice.

Not Jeongguk. You couldn't really care less for what he did or didn't notice about you.

You'd worn them for Seokjin.

Had been wearing them since he messaged you midweek - I'm in town at the weekend. Will you be around? - and now you kind of want to rip them out.

You'd hoped he would remember the trip you took together to Gyeongju. Your third time visiting the city together; just before autumn was about to settle into the earth, rusted leaves sinking to the ground, like the blossoms during the spring. The cyclic nature of the seasons used to make you smile.

Just like he did, in the old Hanok where a silversmith crafted twisted hoops in front of your very eyes. He told you he'd buy you the entire store when he finally became a big shot. Settled for a tiny pair of silver hoops, instead.

They're the ones you're wearing now. The ones you hoped he would notice.

But he didn't notice. Not tonight. Not once. Not even when his lips were on your lobes, nor when his hands were on your body, his voice quiet in your ear as he'd told you tall tales about how much he'd missed you.

His voice had been so soothing at the time - "still take me so well, darling" - like aloe on sunburn - "like that. Fuck, darlin', like that" - but you realise now he was just covering you in deep heat. "Uh- shit. You always been this tight? Fuck. You're gonna make me cum so fucking hard."

Only a matter of time until he was scalding your skin all over again. "Shit." Scorching. "I'm there." Tarnishing. "Take it all for me, take it- ugh. Yeah, that's it. Good girl. Good fuckin' girl." Destroying. "Fuck."

And oh, what a scar Kim Seokjin leaves on your skin.

His handprints are warped all over your body. You're red in the wake of his touch, sandpaper palms scrubbing away at the efforts you've made to heal yourself in the past few months. Your cracks are showing again, and you're not wearing any glitter to fill the gaps.

You're broken, and it shows.

You swallow a little harshly, tongue licking your dry lips before biting down on them. Lashline warming again, you simply shrug. His duvet rustles beneath you. "Not much to talk about."

"We both know you wouldn't be here if that was true."

"But it is," you say with a fragile laugh. "He came over, and then-" Your voice cracks. "And then he left."

Should have seen it coming, really. You reap what you sow.

Jeongguk knows you never stay. Learnt it pretty quickly. Didn't ask too many questions about it. Never occurred to him that maybe you'd ever want someone else to stay, instead.

"I... ," you mumble as you try and think of the right words to say. Your cheeks are a little damp, and you know that Jeongguk knows you're crying, even if he isn't looking at you, but what's the point in pretending anymore? "I really thought that it wasn't me, yanno? I thought other people were the issue."

One of the birds he's watching catches on the wings of its neighbour, awkwardly straggling before falling back into position. Jeongguk thinks he should cut them all down.

"What do you mean?"

"The whole..."

When you pause, Jeongguk looks over to you. Your face is a little scrunched up, feeling awkward about such an admission. It makes him laugh how you can appear so pitiful and yet still so classically you. You laugh too, stuttering on your breath, using the back of your palm to dust away some of your tears.

"The whole intimacy thing," you finally continue with a small smile - because if you don't laugh, you will cry. "I thought that other people were the issue; that they didn't compel me to stay. I never once thought that it was me. That I was the issue - but I can't even fucking compel the guy I thought I'd marry one day to stay. It's me. I'm the fucking problem."

You're smiling as you finish talking, but it fades quickly. Withers like the flowers Seokjin had bought you on the evening he'd broken up with you. There's still one pressed between the pages in your journal. Petals plucked. He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me, he loves me not. He loves-

"You're not a problem," Jeongguk says, eyes hard as they look to his ceiling. His hands are still linked over his stomach, but he's resisting the urge to pace the room. He needs to wrap his head around what you're saying, but can't do it when he's sitting still. Needs to walk in a circle to try and find where the fuck it starts. Doesn't make sense to him how you're blaming yourself for your ex not staying. He chooses not to speak about him, instead trying to help you make sense of why you leave. "You don't stay at the end of your hook-ups 'cause a purpose is served. It's like how you don't stay in a restaurant after you eat your dinner."

"But you do," you say, as you cross your legs and clamber to a seated position. Jeongguk remains in place, and you notice just how perplexed he seems. "You have your dinner, maybe even dessert, and then what? You talk. Enjoy other's company."

He sits now, too. "Okay, maybe it was the wrong analogy-"

"It's not. It's entirely correct. Gguk, I-" you sigh, shoulders lifting to your ears and falling again. Exasperation pollutes your features.

You've given the topic a lot of thought, but never shared your conclusions. It's all a bit daunting.

"You...?" He encourages.

"I never stay, because I never want to give anyone the same power that he had over me. Never want anything more than casual sex, cause it can't hurt me." You voice is bereft, a small pitiful laugh punctuating your words. "How fucking sad is that?"

You're speaking so quietly that all Jeongguk can do is listen as your words slip into in ears and get all jumbled about inside his head. He needs time to reorganise them; to understand what you actually mean.

"I have so many rules and restrictions that it's barely even sex these days, more... a transaction? And yet when Jin messaged me, I fucking folded. Yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir. I..." you tail off, but Jeongguk doesn't push for more.

Just waits till you're ready - and when you are, you speak at such a speed it's almost hard to understand a single thing you're saying.

"I let him fuck me like he still loves me. Do you have any idea what that does to a person? How much it can fuck with their head? I broke down all of my walls, because he used to make me feel so safe and for some reason, I told myself it would be okay - but then you messaged and - fuck."

You look down at your thumbs and shrug, a deep sigh exhaling from your very soul, as if your bones are creaking beneath your skin.

"When you messaged, I woke up and he wasn't fucking there. He'd left. Treated me like how I treat my transactional shags. And I mean, maybe it's my own fault, maybe I deserved it, but fuck. I let him kiss me. I let him... I let him fuck me like he meant it, and then he left as if I meant nothing to him."

By the time you finish venting, Jeongguk looks so bewildered that he actually seems scared. You look back down to where your thumbs are twiddling, shameful of your own emotions. A pitter-patter of tears hit his duvet, and you just let them. You're not crying. Not sobbing, at least. Just tearful. Bamboozled by your own feelings.

Jeongguk's at a loss for what the fuck he's supposed to do.

He's never been the kind to comfort his friends. Isn't really sure how the fuck he's supposed to comfort you. He's no stranger to crying girlfriends - he's had a few of those - but this isn't like that. He can't just kiss it better, not that he'd want to. Be like kissing Jimin at this point, he tells himself.

And either way, it's so unbelievably inappropriate to even think of something like that when you're literally in front of him in tears over another bloke. His mind is just wandering because he's panicking, but oh god, you're crying still and how the fuck do you have so much liquid in your face? Surely you'll wither up? He's not sure he's ever seen a pair of cheeks so wet.

But then you shrug, and sniff back the tears. Purse your lips. Press them together so tight you can't make a sound. And then you look at him and say, "I'm sorry. This is, like, so much. I didn't mean to be such a big fucking cry baby I just-"

"Hey, no," he protests, face contorted with a little disgust. He can't believe you're apologising for this.

Jeongguk's no stranger to a complex. He's got one wrapped around his pretty pink brain like a metal chain, padlocked where his desire to take chances should be. The fear of rejection outweighs any possible good that could come from going after the things he wants - and as he watches the way your smile quivers before it falls into a quiet sob, he knows exactly what his fear is trying to save himself from.

And so he just gently smiles, and says, "it really fucking sucks when the people we love don't love us back."

You nod. "Fucking sucks."

He's only known you for a couple of months. Doesn't know who you were before your ex; only the after. But he quite likes who you are now. Thinks that whatever the fuck that prick put you through is undeserved. Is actually quite angry that he'd fuck you over like that.

"I'm sorry," you whisper, as you dab your face with sweater paws, trying to get rid of the remains of your tears.

He hates that you're apologising again, but he lets you. Knows you'll just say sorry again if he tells you to stop.

"I just didn't wanna be in my room, yanno?" A sob tries to escape, but you catch it just in time. Attagirl. "Fucking smells like him. I'd forgotten about his aftershave -" This is a lie. "- and now I can't get it out of my fucking nose."

Jeongguk grins, and tries a little banter. "Probably a good thing if it masks the way you smell."

"Fuck off," you smile back at him, biting down on your lip to stop it from shaking. "Now's not the time."

And yet you're so glad he's still being normal with you. Not so glad for his next question, but glad for the perspective he's trying to give to the situation.

"Did you at least... yanno?"

Your eyes roll so far back that you can basically see your frontal lobe. Jeongguk is a little horrified by the fact your entire eyeball is bloodshot, and doesn't hide his disgust very well. He tries. Just looks a little constipated when you refocus on him. Makes you laugh.

"Pretended," you admit a little awkwardly, and when Jeongguk's jaw drops, you reach over to close it. "My god, shut up! I didn't want to make him feel bad. If I knew then what I know now-"

"That he's a cunt?"

"-Then maybe I wouldn't have."

You would have. You'd turn water into wine if Seokjin asked you to. Let him drink your blood if a drought pilfered his water supply. Would sacrifice everything to just give him a measly something.

You'll never admit to any of that, though.

Silence simmers between the pair of you. There's not much left to say.

"I'm sorry he left," Jeongguk says, because you deserve an apology and knows you'll never get one from the person who owes it.

"Me too."

He reaches over and ruffles your hair, smiling in that way he does when his dimples form and his lip ring does a little dance. It curves upwards, smiling too.

"You wanna get a shower?" He offers. He's terrible at comforting people, granted, but he's good at thinking of solutions. "Everything here smells different to your apartment. You can get rid of whatever's haunting your nose with my incredibly manly strawberry shower gel."

You laugh, and Jeongguk feels himself relax. Hadn't realised his back had been so tense as he twists his waist to click it. You let yourself fall onto your back again, and into his duvet. "God, how on earth do the girls resist you?"

"They can't. Get a shower, Byeol. I'll make up somewhere for you to sleep, alright?"

You don't question the way he calls you Byeol again. Just let him. Think it's nice, actually.

And like the girls that apparently can't resist him, you can't say no to his instructions.

He shows you to the bathroom, and when you whisper about being worried you'll wake Jimin, Jeongguk shakes his head. "Sleeps like a log after a night out."

There's something incredibly kind about how he shows you which shower gels are his (because apparently he needs three in the shower at all times), and how to change the temperature (but leaves it on his favourite setting because he thinks you'll like it, too). He tells you to wait before you get in, because he's coming back with something - and when he does, you pout.

"So, this is like, my good towel. I don't keep it in here 'cause Jimin'll use it for god knows what, but it's really fluffy," he says, and then insists that you rub it against your cheek. He's not wrong. Might just be the fluffiest towel you've ever encountered. "Unreal, right? Like an actual cloud."

And then despite how gentle he's been, he reverts back to his typical self when he throws a shirt in your face. "For afterwards."

He shuts the door before you can say anything else in response. You just kind of stand there, his shirt looped over your shoulders, laughing softly to yourself, face furrowed in confusion. Jeon Jeongguk might just be the strangest human you've ever met.

But you're also the girl who took a canvas painting of breadfish to his gym, just to get a laugh out of him, so maybe you're well-suited in that regard.

Their shower is far nicer than yours, the water pressure frankly wasted on two boys. Though you wouldn't trade your apartment with Danbi for the world, you considering making future five AM pity calls just for the luxury of a waterfall showerhead.

You use the strawberry shower gel, not because you like it any better than citrus fruits or fresh pine, but mainly because it's the one Jeongguk first mentioned. It's sweet - almost as sweet as your own vanilla one - but still fresh enough to make you feel a little brand new. There's an ache in your heart as you wash your ex's touch from you, and you find yourself sniffing again - but you don't let yourself fall into that trap.

You've cried enough.

And so wrap yourself in Jeongguk's towel, close the lid of their toilet and sit for a while. The clock reads twelve minutes past six. Guilt simmers in your chest, knowing that Jeongguk didn't need to be dealing with you at such a ridiculous time in the morning - but when you reach his bedroom, knocking before you enter to find him organising a mountain of pillows on his floor, you can't help but feel thankful he's the person you reached out to.

It's kinda his fault for texting you at five AM and waking you up, but that's neither here nor there.

"Hey," he smiles as he turns to face you, and tries his hardest to avoid staring at your legs. Your hair is bundled up into his towel, and his shirt fits you like a dress, cutting off midway down your thighs. "Sorry, I just didn't know how many pillows you like? So I just got them all?"

"One is normally fine," you laugh, as you begin to tease your hair through the towel. "Thank you for this, by the way. Incredible towel."

"I told you so," he grins. "Curtains open or closed?"

"Closed?" You question, confused at how it's not an obvious answer - but you don't know that Jeongguk sleeps with them open on Saturday nights to make it easier for him to wake for the gym in the morning.

"Sure you're gonna be comfortable on the floor?" He asks as he reaches over to close the curtains. "I really don't mind taking the floor."

"I'm sure," you nod. "Hardly looks like a floor anymore."

You've a point. He really did it overdo it - but he's not had a sleepover since he was about fourteen. Isn't really sure what the protocol is.

At least, not a sleepover like this.

Nor have you. No time for braiding each other's hair and gossiping about your favourite celebrities, though. You find yourself drifting off almost as soon as you curl up into Jeongguk's expertly crafted pile of pillows. You don't realise, 'cause he doesn't tell you, but he's given you the pillows from his bed, too. They're a little more expensive, better for a good night's sleep.

He reaches to the end of the bed for his good towel. It's a little damp, but not too wet that it would cause any issues as he rolls it up and sticks it beneath his head. Isn't the first time he's used a towel for a pillow, and likely won't be the last. He just kind of thought you needed the comfort of expensive cushions more than he did.

"Sweet dreams, Byeol," he whispers, knowing you're out like a light, but wanting to wish you well regardless. You deserve that at the very least, he thinks.

Unlocking his phone, he cancels his gym alarm, and tosses his phone back down onto his mattress. His room is dark, but he can see the outline of your body, the curve of your hip and the dip of your waist as you adjust ever so slightly.

He's sure that when the morning comes, you'll be a bit embarrassed about it all - but for now, he settles into how comfortable it feels to have you around.

There's nothing intimate about the situation between the pair of you (which is probably why you don't mind staying over) - but when he hears you squeak a little in your sleep, pillows rustling as you move, he kind of gets it. Understands why you wouldn't trust just anyone with your most vulnerable state.

He's just the same; except his fears come in the form of rejection. He never makes it to the intimacy part, because he never deals with the stuff that needs to precede it.

And as he stares up at the shadows of his origami birds, a frown framing his pretty features, he decides you're both absolutely fucked.

AO3 | MASTERLIST | NEXT

#by holly #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #jungkook ff #jk #jungkook x reader #jeongguk fanfic #bangtan #jungkook fluff #bartender!jungkook #non idol au #bts fanfic #jeongguk fic #bad decisions #dappleddaisies

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keen-li · 23 days ago

Text

Merry!Ex-mas.

18+ MDNI

22.k words synopsis: you get a notification about plane tickets you purchased about a trip you were excited for, only reason you're not excited at the remainder, is because you had planned the trip with your now ex. At the time you never thought you'd be spending December broken up. So, it felt like a great idea. not so much now. ex!jk x ex!femreader (fem anatomy.) exes to lovers use of 'yn' warnings: angst, fluff, smut: long-distance relationship, exes, second chance, miscommunication, b*tches is awkward, tension, one bed, forced proximity, Jungkook isn't crazy rich but he's got good money, i think he's an accountant, jk has that short ceo hair cut. reader has communication problem, jungkook's freaking green sweater needs it's own fanfic!, think are!you!sure jungkook. protective!jk, there's a creep who approaches reader as jungkook is off skiing, and whilst she's in the sauna(nothing bad happens.), sweet!wants!to!try!jk, jk has issues of not communicating too. they just can't seem to talk. avoiding stuff. teasing. touchy!jk, secret glances. jealousy, reader is very jealous,they're lying to themsleves, jungkook loves to take pictures especially of reader. hot tub jungkook who's looking up at you like you're a goddes. very needy kissing, boob sucking, dirty talking, oral(f!receiving.), handjob, cowgirl, protected!penetration, aftercare. hand kissing. [i don't know what else i need to add, let me know] as per usual, it was edited but if there are any errors, forgive me. A/N: this fic is honestly cause of that Jungkook green sweater I've never travelled to please don't come at me if anything is wrong. I very much world built some things. I've given written from top to bottom so don't except a part 2, unless maybe drabble requests. I wrote this in one week and i'm so proud i was able to write 22k words, in that time. though i was supposed to go up on the 25th[shhhhhh] A/N: i'm still learning how to write smut. so if you think the smut is cringe please don't tell me :) i don't wanna know. unless you want to help me improve it, and you do it kindly, i'd appreciate. likes, reblog, and all positive asks and comments are always appreciated. i hope you're happy with this one. [read under the cut]

You get the notification as you're scrolling through your phone. A remainder of sorts that you had been forgetting something. Cause you had been.

It loomed over you all week. The lingering feeling of remembering what you can’t. You hated it. But now that you know it’s source you couldn’t feel any worse.

Being the recipient of the message, you’re burdened with having to translate the message. Why do you have to do this? Broken up, having to text him feels like opening a can of worms. But the tickets are non-refundable, and it would be unfair for you to not inform him. You did both pay for them, Jungkook of course paying more because he was just too stubborn to split. he'd actually wanted to pay for the full thing but you were at odds with the idea. he settled eventually.

So, it would be unfair to not tell him. Right? Yes. But you don’t want to believe it.

Even if how the hell are you going to remind your ex about the holiday trip you planned thinking you’d be together for; but in turn would celebrate separately. Before the notification of the trip.

To add on, now you have to open your chat. An action you dread to do; for your emotional health.

What are you actually going to say? You think, finger hovering over the keyboard. Something that won’t make you sound like you’ve missed him, were thinking about him or even thinking about going on this trip with him. All which you’ve been doing. You’ve succumb to the thoughts, only because you two broke up in October, still relatively early to just forget a 3-year relationship with someone you thought you’d marry.

Sigh.

You still haven’t answered the question of how you’re even gonna bring it up. Will he even answer?

“shibal” jimin laughs into the speaker, not helping you one bit. “you two are ridiculous.”

You roll your eyes still waiting and hoping he’ll say something sensible. It’s all in vain. “How the hell do you book a trip and break up just before. You couldn’t wait?” He laughs and you just know he’s sat at his computer playing games, from his loud and unfocused speech.

“We didn’t freaking know we’d breakup.” You justify. “Plus, cause of the breakup we forgot. I forgot.” Your voice loses its strength at the end of the sentence, your mind slipping into a deep thought.

You haven’t been able to remember anything of relevance since that day. Maybe only how to breath and live but you’d say your body takes full credit for that.

“Hmm.” is all he says to you before screaming obscenities to someone in his game.

“Jimin are you gonna be of any help or wh-”

“You know what you should do?”

You want to believe his following statement will be of use, but you can never be certain.

“Just send it” he groans from what you assume is an attack on him. Your brow raises. “Send him a screenshot of the notification. If he doesn’t respond go on it on your own.”

“Or take me with you” he whispers. If it came to it, would you even choose jimin to go with? Probably. He’d help make it fun.

You sigh, still in the darkest of analysis. It’s your best option what else could you say. So, you say your goodbye to jimin who is quick to go off to his game, without a second thought. Rude. Talking to him whilst he’s on his game is setting yourself up.

Back to having a staring contest with your phone. And after a long while of panic, thump fidgeting and dry eyes, you click on his contact (yes you still have it.) and just send the screenshot.

As you wait to make sure the picture is sent you catch a glimpse of the last text from your chat. You were avoiding slipping up and seeing it, but your eyes couldn’t be helped.

Jungkook was the last to text.

Kookie<3: I miss you call me back.

Seeing the text makes your stomach churn. Makes your head spin with all the memories and emotions returning. You don’t want to linger on it. You’re quick to just sending the screenshot like jimin said, you only hope he doesn’t ask too many questions. If he does respond. The little thought in your head surfaces. What if he wants nothing to do with you. What if you’re bothering him? You shouldn’t have sent that text. But it’s too late now.

You’re well aware his message was sent before you had broken up. The only reason you hadn’t replied was because you couldn’t. On the same day you’d called him back and told him how you didn’t think you’d be able to do it anymore.

“Mm?” he hums confused. You can hear it in his voice and it only makes you even more nervous to repeat.

“This long-distance thing isn’t working for us jungkook.” You bite you lower lip hoping to hide some of your emotions that threaten to ruin your speech. Your fingers fidget in the silence waiting for his response. But it never comes and for a moment you think he’s cut the call and you’ve been talking to yourself. That’s when he sighs, showing you, he’s been listening but too shocked to speak.

You calling his full name, no nickname, strains at his heart. “Are you serious?” it’s calm, sad even. Of course he’s sad, you’re breaking up with him. Sad isn’t even strong enough to describe what he’s feeling. Shock is just amongst them, maybe even a little anger. You’ve been going through a challenging period because of the difference in cities. But he never thought it’d come to this. Was it that bad?

“Yeah.” It’s weak defeated. You are, your whole relationship is.

Jungkook is awfully silent, he’s not sure why either. “Is there anything I can do?” he’s aware of the only solution available. But it’s not possible. Neither of your work will allow the other to move.

You shake your head like he can see it. but he doesn’t need to see what your silence has already said.

After not much thought cause he’s not able to, he speaks. “Is this what you want?” his question only serves to add to your confusion.

“You know it’s not but- “you try to speak but the lump in your throat chokes you.

It hurts him that this is happening over a call. Wishes he could’ve spoken about it in person, cause there’s more to it.

More that you haven’t spoken about. Never have, and doubt you ever will or want to.

All this just makes the idea of this trip even more worrying. That’s if he’ll want to go or even respond. You never got to know what he thought but you assume he has some sort of resentment for the way you ended things. You would too. That’s one of the things you feel guilty for.

You’ll say the way things ended was not ideal, and honestly it never made you feel good as you thought it would. It made you feel worse actually. But at least now you don’t argue because you don’t talk. Who are you kidding, you miss the arguments, something to remind he was there.

Guilt hovers but, you console yourself by saying that he probably wanted it too if he didn’t try to fight for it. Which is unfair, but what else can you tell yourself as an excuse.

Your focus is now on your screen. You’re about to exit the chat, but then those familiar popups of bubbles appear. Already?

The bubbles disappear and appear, which only serves to grow your anxiety. Is he about to rebuke you for texting him. Gosh, what the hell would you say after that? He’s about to cuss you out. Suddenly your room feels too small to hold you and what you’re feeling.

But what pops up is even more anxiety inducing.

Kookie<3: I’m in town. We should meet and talk tomorrow.

Why does he sound so professional? Why do you care. Oh- your mind, it’s spinning.

He’s in town, when? Why didn’t he tell you. This would be the first time you see him in a year since he moved. And he couldn’t even just tell you he was in town. The reason to him being here is not unknown to you. It’s the Christmas season and his parents do live in the same city as you. And just like you they were not happy about they’re son moving so far away. But nothing was stopping jungkook. Nothing.

You’re probably not important to him anymore but, couldn’t he have just said, hi. I’m in town. How long has he even been here for? You never thought he’d return to the city even for the holidays.

You shake the thoughts out of your head. You can’t be over thinking this.

We?......meet?.....talk?.....TOMORROW!

Tomorrow couldn’t come any faster (not that you were excited for it.). It’s almost as though it wants you and jungkook to meet.

You both agreed to meet at one of the small restaurants near your place. One you two frequented together, so it holds so much for you. Which only made you more anxious on your way.

When you walked in your eyes unconsciously moved to the table you and jungkook loved to seat at. It was good distance from the kitchen so your food could reach you quicker, and far from others so that jungkook could lean in and say the nastiest thing on earth. It always made you blush even though you’d swat at him. You spot jungkook sat where he usually sat. Coat taken off and hanged on his chair.

“Hey.” You choke out smiling politely as you reach the table and take off your coat, the inside of the restaurant too warm to be comfortable with it on.

You take a sit and allow your body to get accustomed to the environment. And jungkook.

He’s quick to respond to your greeting just as awkward.

When you’re settled you finally get a chance to see just how much he’s changed in a year. The warm light from the ceiling softens his features which would normally be sharp in the dim lights of your bedroom. His hair is cut short. Last time you saw him it was neck length, but now it’s significantly short. Makes him look professional, mature. You like it, really like it. you wish you could just reach over and touch it, it’d probably be just as soft as you remember it and smell like lavender. You notice how he has it styled and gelled back so you doubt he’d be happy with you running your hands in it.

Jungkook spent an ungodly amount of time trying to get it to look like this, which he doesn’t think is perfect enough, but he was running out of time. Something about this meeting had him wanting to go out. He just hopes you like it. he remembers you last saw it when it was longer. It was a big cut, but after your breakup, he felt like giving up the length, considering your hands loved to live in his hair.

You sit hand in lap waiting for your mouth to catch up with how fast your brain is working. Though if you did speak what your brain was thinking, you’d embarrass yourself.

“We should order first.” He says rolling up the sleeves of his navy-blue denim shirt. The action reminding of the inks on his arm. A detail that adds to how attractive he is already. You’re really hating yourself for your thoughts. In your defence you haven’t seen him in the flesh for a year. “What do you wanna get?” he picks up his menu and you do too, stuttering in your movement. He seems calmer than you right now.

But the only thing is that he’s shitting himself inside. when he was sat before you came, his heart dropped every time he heard the door bells chime. Every time he turned it wasn’t you. Only increasing his nervousness. Maybe he was a little to forward with his message. You haven’t seen each other in a while and it’d probably be overwhelming, especially with a certain elephant in the room. He would’ve definitely understood if you didn’t want to show. On the chime of the door that followed his thoughts, he didn’t turn, only for it to be you. In your full glory, making him fidget with his phone more. Which he put aside immediately you sat down.

Clearing your throat you speak, “something soup-y. Today’s a little cold.” And you don’t feel like throwing up what you eat.

Jungkook agrees and his red nose is evidence of that. Cute, you think.

After your orders are taken you turn back to silence. What could you probably say right now? You can feel the distance between you emotionally. And you hate how this is how you are after not seeing each other for a year. Before breaking up you thought of the many ways, you’d hug him once you got to see him. You were definitely delusional over how serious your distance was. Really wanting to believe it wouldn’t be a problem; until it became one, and you just couldn’t do it anymore.

You don’t know how to behave right now.

“So, when did you get back?” you settle on a soft and casual tone.

“Just yesterday.” He speaks sounding a little hesitant. After not knowing where to look you decide to just look at one thing. The table.

After beats of silence, you continue. Can your food come any faster? “you’re staying with your parents?”

“Yeah.”

You lived together, in your used to be shared apartment before he decided to move. So, his only option was to live with his parents for the mean time. He assumed you wouldn’t want or even let him live with you. And it would be fair, you aren’t together anymore.

“I’m Sure they were shocked to see how much you’ve change.” Cause you are. You haven’t seen his parents in the same time that he hasn’t seen them.

“It was a surprise drop in so I’m sure they were” he says with weak chuckle. He bites into his lip before he’s looking at you again, but you don’t stare at him. It’s only when you realize his stare that you finally face him. “How have you been? You look well.” He’s dreading himself right now for not being able to speak to someone who has been, for 3 years, the only person he could speak to.

You do look good, and he can’t take his mind off it. the camera has not been doing you justice. Your skin looks brighter and you generally are just glowing. Gosh he missed looking at you. The way small dainty jewellery serves to compliment your outfit. Your hair done in a way you like, and he loves.

“I try.” You smile. Every chance you get you take a glace at his lip piercing. You’d forgotten just how it made him even the more--. “You look well too. How’s the job going?”

He sucks in a breath, showing visible stress at the thought of his job. “it’s going okay. Easiest way to put it.” he chuckles, awkwardly. You smile, awkwardly too. “I missed it here though, so much stuff I left behind.”

You just hum, nodding. Avoiding how his eyes glancing over you, just for a second as he was looking for where to keep his gaze whilst speaking.

“But I’m sure you’re having fun that side.” That side. He can hear the strength you put on the words. Instead of fiddling on your lap you decide to fold your arms on your chest. Finding it appropriate for the feelings that are sneaking in.

“You can say that, but there’s just something that feels empty y’know.” You do know, but you both choose to leave the conversation implicit.

And right on time, your food arrives saving you from saying anything. What the heck would you say when you can’t even think.

You two are soon digging into your food. Jungkook in his kimchi jjigae and you in yours.

“I missed this- mmm.” He hums making that little angry face he makes when he likes food. You laugh, a little to loud at that causing him to look up at you. You drop your smile.

“Mrs Kim always asks me about you when I come here.” 6 slices of chopped spring onion garnish you haven’t eaten, yet.

He leans back in his chair, unintentionally watching you eat.

He turns his head towards the kitchen where the lady in question usually spends her time. “Where is she anyways?” he’s back to digging into his food. the steam from the food warming his cold nose.

“she’s visiting sung Hoon in the US.” You inform him, taking in how relaxed you’ve become.

He nods at the info, “Ahh- she finally got to got to the US?” he smiles. He remembers how she would come to the table; she’d complain that her son doesn’t want her to visit, which was not the case. But being the dramatic lady she is, she would think that. “ ’m sure she was so excited.”

“no one could hear the end of it.”

He chuckles and you find yourself laughing too. But as much as you’re seemingly getting comfortable (though not wholly.) silence finds a way to wrap it’s long, cold and slimy finger around you two.

After you’re done eating your meals in silence, jungkook thinks it’s time to discuss the reason you’re even meeting. Cause you have nothing more to talk about.

“what’s the plan for the trip?” he shifts in his seat. “Assuming you’d want to go.” He doubts.

You take a deep breath before speaking, looking over at the whole scene of the restaurant. “I don’t know, we’d leave on Thursday. Assuming you’d want to go too.” You would want to go, that’s why you booked the trip. It’s only your situation that makes it awkward.

“Do you?” his question comes out fast and sudden and he regrets how quick it came out.

“Mm?” you mutter like you couldn’t hear what he said.

He clarifies choosing to speak more calmly and composed. “Do you want to go?”

The question takes you aback as though you hadn’t been asking yourself the same thing.

Reaching to play with the little gem on your necklace you stutter out. “I-I mean- yeah we spent money on it.” you shrug your shoulders as if you’re unconsciously saying otherwise, but really, you’re just trying to keep your statement open. In case he doesn’t want to go, and you’re left embarrassed with an extra ticket.

Jungkook instead takes your action as you probably not wanting to go. “I get it if you don’t. It’s a weird situation.” His hands move to touching his hair.

You trying to jump in but end up speaking a little too fast. “No, I do. Plus, I hate wasting money.” You do hate wasting money, truly. And it is just that and the fact that you would love a trip right now, to de-stress.

“But do you want to go with me?” that churning feeling in your stomach is returning, and you’ve just eaten which makes it all the much better.

Biting down on your lip and releasing it you say, “I mean I wouldn’t want to go on my own.” You hate how you feel your throat choking up. “Who else would I go with?” you awkwardly joke. There are some people you’d go with. But you planned this trip with jungkook and he paid the much for the tickets. So, it’s only fair to go with him. If he wants to.

He skips your question, not in bad taste. it’d be weird for you to go on a trip you planned with him with someone else. Maybe he did think of it, that maybe you’d enjoy it more if you weren’t with him. But then he thought it through. Shit doesn’t have to be awkward unless you both make it. so, you can enjoy this trip if you just agree to enjoy it. “I don’t mind going with you, but I don’t want you to feel forced to have me there.”

“I have no problem with you, jungkook.” You saying his name even though it’s not the pet name he enjoys feels like a warm touch to him. “I just want to know if you wanna go.” You find it in you to ask.

“I don’t mind it at all.” He says, relieving you of your fears.

He sighs. After he silence speaks. “I can’t believe I forgot about it. I was so excited for it too.” he reminiscing on the day. It was such a good idea. Is a good idea, if you just agree to enjoy it.

“So? It’s settled right?“ You sit up grabbing your stuff and preparing to leave. Jungkook’s smile falls realizing that the moment is ending. But he will see you soon still.

“Yeah.” He prepares to leave too.

“We leave Thursday, I guess. We’ll stay in touch.”

And that’s it, your conversation ends with you managing to avoid the larger topic at hand. It’s like a game.

You throw your clothes in haphazardly. You’re in a panic, which is not necessary cause you have enough time, the whole day to be precise. Your flight’s tomorrow. But the whole airport thing has always found a way to make you panic.

You grab some essentials, but in frustration. Maybe you just want to get it over with. The packing, not the trip. Honestly it feels like it’s already started. Is this how you’re going to be.

As you search through your closet you land on a sweater, one you remember too well. It’s green colour and fluffy soft texture makes it the warmest thing you own. A very memorable sweater, for the warmth it brought you and its origin. You can still smell him on it. You dread packing it and resort to shoving it further in your closet. You’ll think about it.

You stare at your zipped up suitcase for a bit before your eyes gloss over to your phone that buzzes on your bed. For a split second you wonder if it’s jungkook. Could he have changed his mind. you sigh relived when you see it’s just jimin.

Who chooses to say nothing of value and just tease you. “Honestly why do I tell him these things.” You throw your phone on your bed.

Jungkook stands over his already packed suitcase. He just has to zip it closed and seal this trip. He sighs rubbing his lower lip. Before you two broke up he had so much planned for this trip. So much he wanted to say and do. But it's different now and it’d be weird and wrong to say those things. Not before talking of course.

Is he looking forward to this trip? Yes-wait- maybe. The trip in itself is fine, a great and good idea and opportunity to enjoy a holiday and relax. But your presence entails something more something he has to deal with (in a responsible and good way) and that he's been running away from.

"You're excited huh?" his mother smiles leaning against his door frame, watching. He's not sure what about his facial expression, body language or general demeanour would make her think that he's excited. It’s not like he’s dreading or regretting it. it’s more like excitement is the last thing he’s feeling cause of all he’s thinking of.

He doesn't say anything before she's speaking again.

"You need this trip. you've been so busy." He has. Too much at that. So much that he forgot you two had even broken up and was about to go to your place first when he arrived. He’d been so excited to surprise you, then it dawned on him. His tires were quick to turning. His thoughts are cut short by his mother. "it'll help you spend more time with yn."

"I guess." he replies unenthusiastically. Though it’s the same idea they’re both thinking of it in a different context. Something that his mother doesn’t know yet.

He doesn't stare at where she stands only at his suitcase analysing what he's packed and what the heck is actually going on. "Plus, it would be a perfect place to propose." She enthuses, joyous at the thought. He seems to have slightly forgotten about that detail too.

When you were planning the trip, he made a plan to propose to you on it. It honestly is the perfect place to and he felt like it was the right time. Of course, you'd be arguing but it wasn't something that was holding back your relationship. Plus, he thought you'd talked it out well enough. So, he spent his free time after planning the trip, shopping for rings and looking proposal ideas and even asked some of his colleagues for advice. It’d be a trip where you got to spend some time after being away for so long.

But that's when you called and honestly kicked him in the balls. Too confused he just went along with it.

"Switzerland is such a good choice, you kids are so good at these things." She says probably imaging herself there too. It’s not long before his eyes are staring at the black velvet box on his dressing table, and his head is spinning all over again. He knows how excited she gets about this and she won’t stop. “You could take a walk and then pull out the Ring with those mountains in the back and-"

"Eomma!" His deep voice stops her, not harshly but whiny. Not telling his parents about the breakup is honestly the most overwhelming thing because of how his mother adores you and finds a way to bring you up in every conversation. she could go on but the tired look on her son's face makes her stop. She wants to pry on why he looks more drained that ecstatic but she chooses against it.

”Is something wrong?”

He realizes just how carried away he’s getting with his emotions. He shakes his head. “no. I’m just stressed.” He finally looks up at her to give a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes but she returns.

"Sorry, you know how I get carried away. I'm sure you have your own plan let me not stress you."

She leaves and he sighs

No. He has no plan of his own. He has no plan at all.

Your suitcase handle is firmly clutched into your hand as you walk into the airport.

Your eyes scan the crowd. Every face. Each bag too, because you know which one he'd probably be carrying with him. Seeing it again is gonna be triggering cause the last time you saw it was the last time you saw him off.

You and jungkook agreed to come separately and since his parents lived closer to the airport he'd be here first and wait for you by security. But now that you're there you can't see him. Maybe he's a little late but why wouldn't he tell you.

You told him you had just arrived but he hasn't even seen that message. Has he changed his mind? is the first thing that pops up in your head. If he has that's a shitty way to do it. Just ghost you?

So, you pull out your phone to call him. “Pick up." You mutter under your breath.

No answer.

You feel stupid. It honestly feels like you're on a Lifetime show or even worse TLC.

Your annoyance bubbles over as you glance around the busy security area. "Where is he?" you ask yourself.

Though you think he has, you doubt jungkook would just ghost you. It's not what you know him to be. You tap your foot impatiently and try to call him again. Still nothing. Your heart finally relaxes when you spot him already walking to you. "Seriously?" You say a little upset when he finally reaches. "Why didn't you answer your phone?"

"Oh. I didn't hear it." He says pulling it out of his pocket. "Must be on silent. I’m sorry." He looks at you genuinely so. And you can’t bring yourself to be as mad as you want to be. It’s not a big deal, he’s here now.

“it’s okay, we should get going, we’re almost late.” You say frustrated with how traffic delayed your arrival. Jungkook just hums agreeing and surprising you by taking you suitcase. You’d tell him it’s fine and you can manage but he’s already walking ahead of you. Probably not wanting to hear it.

A tense silence stretches between you two as you wait to board your plane. Sitting side by side has never felt so awkward, like the space between you is miles wide. You scroll through your phone, pretending to be so into it. You don’t notice Jungkook stealing occasional glances at you. Or rather, at the sweater you’re wearing—the one he gave you (more like you took.) just before he moved to another town. The green complimenting your skin. He loves how it just melts to fit you. He’s glad to know that you’re warm, he’s aware of how incredibly warm it is.

He wonders if you’re wearing it deliberately, or if it’s just because it’s the warmest thing you own, and today’s even colder than yesterday. Probably no meaning behind it. At least, that’s what he tells himself. Though it’s not enough to stop him from developing a smile on his face, one he covers with his hand.

The low hum of voices and the faint crackle of the airport announcements fill the silence. Someone walks past, dragging a squeaky suitcase, the airport noises the only thing between the two of you.

“I know this is awkward.” He starts randomly, at first doubting he was talking to you but then you move your attention to him, when you realize it’s only you he can be talking to. It’s not like you were looking at anything on your phone. “I want us to enjoy it. I want you to enjoy it.”

“I want you to enjoy it too.” You find yourself speaking before your brain can process.

He smiles and turns to meet your eyes. All of a sudden, he feels so close. “So can we just pretend.” His eyes don’t move, if possible, they stare even deeper into yours. Yours don’t move as well. “Pretend like everything’s okay.” He speaks low as if he doesn’t want others around to hear. “Agree?”

You haven’t said much, instead just let him speak. “Agreed.”

You don’t mind pretending. You’ve been pretending you’re okay all this time, so why can’t you do it now.

You watch Jungkook sliding the bags into the overhead storage above your seats. He notices you approaching and nods for you to have the window seat.

“You sure?” you ask only because he called dibs when you planned the trip that he’d be getting the window seat.

He nods. “Yeah. I know you like it more than I do.” You do. He only called dibs because he was trying to ‘one up’ you like everything’s a game.

You squeeze passed him get comfortable in your seat and he’s soon sitting next to you. You’re glad it’s just two seats.

You sit in silence for most of the flight, each pretending to be too absorbed in your own activities to notice the other. Jungkook watches you out of the corner of his eye as you scroll through your phone, then switch to reading a book. This trip can’t be that bad, you tell yourself. Of course, you two haven’t talked about your breakup, but it doesn’t have to come up. You’ll just enjoy the weekend and go back to normal, like he said—pretend---if either of you even knows what that means.

What are the boundaries of pretending.

At some point, you shift in your seat, leaning against him, your head resting on his shoulder. You’re asleep, of course, but Jungkook glances down at you, momentarily startled. He considers waking you but decides against it. Instead, he leans back slightly, letting you stay there.

As the plane hums softly and moves through the sky, Jungkook can’t help but wonder if this trip could be his chance to fix things. How does he want it to happen? Does he even know? All he knows it that you do eventually have to talk about things. Do you even want to talk about it, because you seem to be avoiding it.

But there’s only so much avoiding you can do.

As soon as the plane lands, you stretch in your seat, surprised you managed to sleep for that long. Glancing at Jungkook, you watch as he pulls the luggage from the overhead bin. He looks like he didn’t get any sleep at all, you had been sleeping on his shoulder for most of the time. You exchange a brief look—just acknowledging each other and your present moment—before heading off the plane

The crisp Swiss air hits you as you step outside the terminal, and you follow Jungkook as he gets into a cab and it drives confidently toward a car rental area, which you’re confused about but don’t ask. Jungkook picks up keys from the reception and you walk through the parkin lot looking for what you don’t know. You’re just following. You stare at him puzzled as he dangles the keys. He’s been quiet, and you hadn’t even expected to rent a car. Public transport seemed like the plan, but now that you think about it, you remember how Jungkook feels about it.

“You rented a car?” you raise a brow.

He nods, “yeah, it’d be easier. Thought you’d approve.”

He catches a glance of your face, like you’re trying to figure something out, but can’t.

“Hmm.” You only hum.

“You look cute when you’re confused”. He takes you by surprise. “Come on.” He says walking and not letting you process his words. You just try to shake them out of your head.

You don’t admit it, but you're impressed. He thought ahead. And you’re honestly glad he did—something you feel he’s been lacking the past year.

Once he’s done packing the luggage into the car, he closes the trunk and slides into the driver’s seat. You’re not sure why you’re shocked to find out it’s a Mercedes-benz g63 amg. You’d always known he had an obsession with luxury cars, especially ones like this. The fact that his job pays so well certainly helps, you guess moving out of town must’ve been worth it.

The car is great-- so comfortable, and the heater works perfectly, keeping you warm against the cold.

As Jungkook adjusts the mirrors, you scroll through your contacts, trying to figure out what to call the person you booked the cabin with, “what do I call them a host?” You mutter under your breath before dialling the number.

Jungkook glances at you as you speak to the host in quick tones. "Got it, thanks," you say, giving a quick wave of your phone toward Jungkook. With the directions noted you can now get to moving.

"Okay, so we head north, then take-“

“North?" Jungkook interrupts, starting the engine. "Are you sure it's not west or whatever?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

You glare at him. He glances at one map and thinks he knows his way around Switzerland.

"I just talked to the guy," you say flatly.

Jungkook smirks, recalling a past trip. "Remember last time we travelled, and we ended up on a dead-end street?" he says with a cheeky smile on his face. he’s teasing you.

You roll your eyes at the memory. You had been driving through the outskirts, and your GPS got wonky, causing you to go down a deserted road.

“If you’d listened to me, we wouldn’t have gotten lost,” you reply.

You stop bickering, finally following the GPS. Jungkook decides to follow the directions, and the tension eases as you leave the city behind.

The atmosphere shifts, replaced by a sense of awe at the breathtaking scenery. Low-capped mountains stretch into the horizon, Swiss chalets dot the landscape, and the sun reflects off the lakes. You’re glad you arrived during the day; cause nighttime would not have done the view justice.

You watch out the window, your voice filled with awe. "Oh my gosh, it's so beautiful." Jungkook glances at your direction before returning his attention to the road. "Yeah, it is," he agrees, equally mesmerized by the view.

"Can you grab my camera from the back?" he askes. Recalling his passion for photography, you can’t be surprised he has it with him.

You pull out the camera from his bag, noticing it’s larger and more expensive looking than the one you had gifted him. "Do you still have your other one?" you’re curious.

He knows what you’re hinting to. "It fell in water during a fishing trip with my team, but I'm getting it fixed."

“Do you still have the pictures.” You’d hate to lose them, even though they are null and void now, you still like how happy you looked in them.

“Yeah. They’re in my SD.” He informs you and you’re glad.

You fumble with the new camera, struggling to operate its buttons, he notices. "There's a button just there," he directs. Though you aren’t much of a photographer, you manage to snap some decent shots of the scene. You take a lot to make sure you have options.

Feeling playful, you turn the camera to jungkook and snap a pic of him. You had always admired his model-like features and often joked he should pursue modelling instead of his current path, which kept him 218 miles away. But now you realize modelling would only take him even farther.

He never agreed to the idea but never argued either. He preferred to appreciate beauty rather than be the centre of attention.

"Did you just take a picture of me?" he asks, a hint of surprise in his voice.

"Yeah, just one," you reply.

He doesn’t respond, leaving you to wonder what he’s thinking. Is he upset? Did you cross a pretending line?

"Wanna stop and take pictures," he grins, "y’know for your Instagram."

It’s not a bad idea, but you don’t want to be late and have the host waiting for too long.

"We won't be long." he looks over to see if you’re considering. He smiles when sees that you are. You don't post much on Instagram, and he knows that. But it wouldn't hurt to have some pictures from this trip.

"Let's be quick," you accept.

He pulls over to the side of the road and when you’re out he’s approaching you to take the camera. "Let me take some of you first," you insist. He isn’t so keen on it though.

"Just a few," you whine dodging him trying to take it from your hands.

"We're supposed to be quick." He reminds you. "And you know I'm not a fan of pictures of me."

You not wanting to bicker. You hand it over to him. "But I will take pictures of you eventually," it’s a promise.

You quickly get posing on a spot you like, and he snaps several pictures. Some you were prepared for, while others were candid of you looking up a bird flying over, like you’ve never seen a bird before. or just in awe of the scene behind. Why do the birds seem so majestic here?

Jungkook smiles as he continues to take photos, forgetting the time. "I think that's enough. We're going to be late," you say, running out of poses to do.

You start walking to the car and he snaps one more picture of the scene before getting back and starting the car. Whilst adjusting to the warmth he hands you the camera.

"These are so pretty," you bulge your eyes out at how good jungkook is at taking pictures. You can definitely see the difference. Jungkook can’t help but feel a sense of pride. You scroll through the camera, admiring more pictures.

Then you scroll a little too far and notice a series of photos featuring a friend—someone he seems to be close to. In one, she leans on his shoulder, a gesture that causes some type of discomfort or irritation. You couldn’t be sure, you’re too busy scrolling. She smiles too hard, you judge.

gosh you're pathetic. Why are you acting like this. The man is not your boyfriend he can do whatever. The statement causes an unwanted sour taste to form over your taste buds.

You continue to scroll, analysing the photos, each one deepening your insecurities.

"Careful, you're gonna damage the buttons," Jungkook jokes when he notices your rushed movement. He wonders what has you that way.

When he speaks, you’re brought back to reality. Though you’re brought back with an attitude. You switch off the device and lay it back where you found it, sitting back down with a scowl on your face and jungkook wonders the cause.

You had been fine just a moment ago. He doesn’t say anything and focuses fully on the road ahead. The silent drive to the cabin feels anything but aesthetic.

You sigh as the car slows, leaving behind the snow-covered path. When you approach the cabin, it’s instantly recognizable from the photo. At least you weren’t lost or scammed. The place looks serene. It’s blanketed in snow. It’s not like those huge family ones. It’s small just to fit you and jungkook. You’d have no money to buy anything or activities if you booked those larger ones. And they’re unnecessary cause it’s just the two of you.

Jungkook parks the car, and as you both step out, the awkwardness that’s shadowed the trip returns. It had been there from the beginning, lingering beneath exchanges and strained silences. Brief moments, like taking pictures earlier, had been relieving, but even that had soured quickly. Now, neither of you had much to say.

The cabin’s host, a kind older man with a thick Swiss accent, greets you warmly, showing you around the cozy interior and pointing out the back patio before leaving. Once alone, you both quietly bring in the luggage. The silence is deafening, broken only by the crunch of snow you step on.

Due to your irritation that some how still lingered you step a little too hard on the icy ground, and in an instant, your foot slips. You land awkwardly in a mix of snow and dirt, the impact cushioned but still hurting.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook calls, his voice tinged with concern and amusement. He’d drop the luggage to come check on you if you hadn’t brushed him away with your hand.

Still irritated, now cause of the fall, you dust yourself off and move yourself inside. You drop the luggage in bedroom and start taking off your sweater, only to have Jungkook walk in moments later.

“One bed,” he states, looking at the large, centred piece of furniture. “Looks comfy.” You seem to have forgotten the cabin was lover’s themed, so it did only have one bed. The host had asked you if it was a problem when he saw the look on your face but you just brushed it away at you being tired.

You glance at the bed, then at him. “Yeah. Guess you’ll have to take the couch,” you joke, though your tone comes out flatter than intended.

“Nope.” He flops onto the bed, which creaks under his weight, making him pause to check if it’s broken. When it holds, he relaxes. “I’m sleeping right here.”

You sigh, deciding it’s not worth arguing. You’ve shared a bed before—it shouldn’t be a big deal so many times at that. But those times are not now and you have to deal with your new circumstance.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” you announce, expecting him to leave the room. Instead, he sprawls comfortably on the bed.

“Knock yourself out,” he replies casually.

Groaning, you grab your toiletries and head to the bathroom. The hot water feels like a gift, relaxing your tense muscles. If only the whole trip could feel this peaceful.

When you return, Jungkook is gone, though his shoes by the door confirm he hasn’t gone far. You search through your suitcase for a sweater, only to realize you packed just one sweater—the one now wet and dirty. Frustration bubbles as you grab a thin, long-sleeved shirt. It’ll have to do, though you doubt it’ll keep you warm in tomorrow’s outdoor activities.

Meanwhile, Jungkook in the kitchen has immersed himself in exploring the layout of it. whilst on his expedition his attention drifts to a tiny blue bird minding its business outside the window. He leans into it but carefully not to scare it away. Thankfully it doesn’t seem to find him a bother. “Got any advice for me?” he murmurs, taking a peek behind him. The bird doesn’t react, oblivious to his internal conflict. He’s unsure—about you, about himself, about what this trip is supposed to accomplish.

When you enter the kitchen and done talking to his new friend who doesn’t present him with anything viable but his company, he’s quick to point out the lack of groceries. “We should go shopping. It’s on your itinerary, right?” he teases lightly.

You nod, unsurprised he remembers. You’d always been the planner, the one who thought of everything. Maybe that’s why the breakup hurt so much—it came so suddenly, leaving no time to plan how to feel or move on.

As he’s about to suggest leaving immediately, he notices you rubbing your arms. “Aren’t you cold?” he asks, gesturing to your thin shirt.

“I’m fine,” you reply dismissively, though you clearly aren’t.

“Put on a sweater before you get sick,” he insists. His boyfriend instincts linger, even now.

You hesitate but eventually admit, “I forgot to pack an extra one.” The way how stares at you is so embarrassing for you.

Jungkook chuckles softly, though not unkindly. “Of course you did.” You roll your eyes. He moves to grab a sweater from his suitcase and hands it to you. “Here. Borrow this.”

You take it, the faint scent of his cologne that seems to be on everything he wears no matter how much he washes, invaded your senses. “Thanks,” you say quietly, slipping it on and hoping not to ruin this one too.

By the time you return from the store, exhaustion settles in. You both sit in the living room, cups of hot cocoa in hand. Jungkook flips through the channels while you sit quietly, the warmth of his sweater and the fire calming you.

“You’ve made a lot of friends in Jeju,” you say suddenly, your tone sharper than intended.

Jungkook pauses, confused. “What friends?”

“Colleagues, maybe? Customers? I saw the pictures on your camera,” you admit, staring into your cup instead of at him.

He leans back, waiting. He knows what you’re referring to and could explain that the woman in the photos was a client a little too excited and touchy about her wedding rehearsal photos, and had wanted photos with him. But he wants you to ask.

Instead, the silence stretches, filled with unspoken questions—questions about Jeju, the photos, the breakup, and even yourself. You sigh, pushing them aside.

“is there something you wanna ask?”

“There’s nothing I want to ask,” you finally say, though the bitterness in your voice betrays the truth.

Jungkook laughs softly, shaking his head. “I thought we agreed on pretending.” His voice is still soft.

“I know. Just don’t want you pretending if you’ve got other things going on.”

Jungkook chuckles taking a sip of his cocoa.” I’m good.”

“I’m good too.”

“Good.”

You watch him stand a sly smirk adoring his face. “let’s go back to pretending now, okay?” he says looking at you.

You mumble a sure and he walks off. Probably to sleep.

Sleeping the same bed is even more awkward. After spending some minutes you’d decide you were too tired to be awake, you came the bedroom.

Jungkook was still awake staring at his phone, and for some reason shirtless. He likes to sleep shirtless and the tension between you two isn’t going to stop him.

Jungkook tries to keep his eyes to himself as you change into your pajamas. You didn’t want to be childish so you just changed right there. It’s nothing he’s never seen before. He won’t act like the action doesn’t cause a rise in memories and he holds himself to not thinking further. Soon you’re crawling into your side and laying facing away from him. Jungkook chooses to lie on his back, the bed big enough for you to keep your distance. He turns off the lights but your eyes remain open staring into the dark.

As the night continues, none of you are able to fall asleep. Jungkook tries to make himself comfortable, his shifting cause you to think he might be moving closer, but he doesn’t. why do you feel sad. Your brain is used to being close to him and him holding you in situations like this. And he too is used to wrapping his arms around you and pulling you closer into him. But there’s none of that.

“I can’t fucking sleep.” he groans frustratedly sitting up. He runs his hands in his hair. He looks over at you thinking you’re asleep, the darkness preventing him from actually knowing. He’s jealous at the idea of you being able to sleep, but when your frustrated voice sounds, he’s relieved. Relieved that he’s not the only not able to sleep.

“Same.” You mutter remaining on your side.

Jungkook huffs and puffs contemplating on asking what he’d been debating. Your bodies are probably used to sleeping closer to each other, so maybe that’s’ why it’s hard. You surely won’t mind if it means you get to sleep right?

He looks over to you and how far you seem from. He doesn’t like, hates the reality of it. “Can I sleep closer to you.” His words and the fact that he actually said takes you aback. You freeze. Your silence is killing him, he shouldn’t have said it. he should take it back, well—but he’s already sai-

“Okay.” Okay? Well, that was easy, he thought you’d be looking at him weird. but no, you just lay on your side waiting for him.

When he said closer you never thought he meant this close. You’re the closest you can be. But you don’t mind it, it actually brings you that giddy feeling, like it’s your first time cuddling. You realize just how much you missed it. He nuzzles his face in your neck and this is when he’d kiss your shoulder and neck but he doesn’t and the detail is gravely missed. He has to hold himself from not doing it.

“We’re going to move to the middle of the bed, darling.” It’s only then that you realize how much at the edge you were. You shuffle yourselves and move into the center and get comfortable in the position.

“Are you comfortable?”

So much you hate to say it. You can’t even bring yourself to be angry. “y-yeah.” You can barely respond coherently with how his voice is so close sending goosebumps all over you.

“Can I put my around you? It’s the only place I can put it.” he tries to explain, but you were actually hoping for it.

You nod for him to go ahead and he wraps his arm around you. Honestly, he should’ve just asked if he could cuddle you, because this is basically what you’re doing. He didn’t have to mask it; you’d have said yes either way. He doesn’t know that though.

Now that you’re close to him and him to you, you both weirdly fall asleep, very quickly at that.

First thing on your itinerary was to visit the Lindt home of chocolate you’d been drooling at the thought of it since you planned this trip. It would honestly be a crime to visit Switzerland and not visit the Lindt factory. Being a lover of chocolate no activity on your list will be as good as this.

“I don’t know why they have us putting our bags away.” Jungkook whines taking off his jacket, as required and placing it in a locker. “How am I supposed to carry my chocolate.” His speech is almost childlike. You just chuckle.

” That’s why they do it.” You inform him, with a soft smile and start to walk ahead of him. Jungkook walks behind you, watching how you look around with wonder.

Did he mention how good he feels right now. The sleep he had last night was the best he’s had in a while. And it only serves to tell him how much he’s missed your presence. Just you as a whole. Being away from you for so long has had an effect on him too. It’s only now, that he’s not able to do all the things he used to do, that he realizes how much he’s missed it. And how much you mean to him.

“Oh my gosh.” Jungkook watches how you take in the aroma of chocolate. It invades his senses and when you’re turning around to check on him, he’s nodding. You want him to enjoy this just as you are.

You gasp and it’s when you spot the huge chocolate fountain that you pull Jungkook’s attention to it by his arm. “it’s so fucking huge.” You say still holding onto him.

“that’s what she said.”

You roll your eyes. “Grow up.” You both laugh. and it’s when you’re lost in laughter and admiring the fountain that jungkook looks down to see you still holding his arm. So, in a swift action of no thought, all instinct he moves to hold your hand.

Your head sharply moves to look at him then at his hand holding yours and then back up at him. He’s got this innocent smile on his face and you can’t help but warm up into his hold. You don’t mind the action of holding hands but you fear what it implies. Is he for real or still pretending?

For the first minutes you stay holding hands, until jungkook is pulling away to grab his camera. You rub you hands together to try and regain your sense of independence. What the heck are you doing, holding hands? This pretending thing Is a good idea, but it’s definitely messing with you in some way. All ways. He’s giving you things that you’ve been craving. The cuddle at night, the holding hands, you’ve missed it all. But you don’t know where it’s coming from, does he miss you too or is he pretending. To think of it you never really discussed what type of pretending you’re doing. Are you pretending to still be together or are you pretending to be good friends. Gosh this is so stressful. And confusing. You wonder if he’s stressing like you are. He seems calm. He’s handling this so well.

“Wait—I need a picture of you. Stand still.” He points the camera to you and you’re quick to turning your head away.

“it’s fine you don’t need to-” snap.

He doesn’t give you the time to object and just snaps. “Jungkook stop taking pictures of me.” He doesn’t. you’re embarrassed to be doing this in public. But he seems thrilled. “Okay wait-” he doesn’t so you choose to reaching for the Lense. But jungkook doesn’t mind filling his storage with pictures of your palm. “Kook, wait.”

“Kook?” he questions smiling. You realize your mistake. Honestly you didn’t mean to call him that, it just came out naturally for you to get him to stop. And it worked. Though now it shifts the air.

You groan. “I didn’t mean it like that.” You roll your eyes. You don’t even know what you’re saying.

He doesn’t linger on it more, which honestly helps your case. The blush on your face is deserving of a picture. Snap.

“Stop that before I revoke your privileges.” You threaten. He doesn’t want that.

He raises his hands in surrender. “won’t do it again.”

You ignore him and turn to keep walking.

“Can take more later though?”

You don’t answer, but he takes it as a yes. You’ve always been his muse, it’s not gonna stop now. His camara is now getting some action.

This place is actually so beautiful, smells amazing too. The pictures you saw did not do it justice.

“Look at the strawberries, the nuts. Ah—I’m in heaven.”

Jungkook smiles as he watches enjoy and pointing for him to look at the large container, of everything that goes well with chocolate. He’s really just happy that you’re including him, by telling him how much you freaking love this place or how you want to stay here forever. It makes him feel like things aren’t all that bad between the two of you and it can be fixed.

“Why are you looking at me like that.” You narrow your eyes at him. Gosh he forgot how long he was looking for. You’d been telling him something but he zoned out.

“Oh-nothing.” He clears his throat.

You just brush it off, cause if you linger on it, you’ll melt. Jungkook looking at you has been a weakness for you, there’s just something about him focusing on you and having only you in sight. “Anyway, I was saying try this.”

He doesn’t regain his consciousness before you’re bringing a spoon full of chocolate to his lips. he takes it, tasting the sweetness of it.

He licks the chocolate off his lips when you pull away. “Mmm….so good.” You nod glad that he likes it. Though way he’s looking at you makes you think he might not be talking about the chocolate. You choose to ignore your thoughts with a cough.

As you go on you learn facts about chocolate and the factory and jungkook takes the pictures. When walking around you make sure to not forget to collect little pieces of chocolate from the dispensers. And it’s not long before your hands are getting full.

When your expedition is over, you’re returning to your bags to stuff them with your treasure.

“This is a lot of chocolate.” Jungkook states.

You shake your head. “it’s not that much.”

“Yeah of course an addict is telling me that.”

You gasp. “I’m not an addict.”

“Tell that to all the money I’ve spent buying you chocolate.” Money which it didn’t mind and loved spending.

“Honestly that’s all on you.” You say raising your hands. He chuckles.

Getting tired you both decide to go by the café inside the factory. Whilst there you both order some food to eat which is not chocolate, except you. For your beverage you picked to drink the famous hot cocoa. Which tastes like heaven made it themselves.

“How do I take this home with me?” you say motioning to your drink.

“Just stay.” He meant to say you both could just stay, but his tongue tripped.

You nod, thinking about it. “I could.” Moving to Switzerland and living here would be a dream. But unfortunately, things aren’t that easy. Finding a job would be hard, plus the language barrier would kill you.

“don’t.” he’s almost pleading. “I don’t know how I’d tell your family I lost you to Switzerland.” More like he doesn’t know how he’d fix things.

“Honestly it’s no competition.” You say in deep thought and analysis.

“What? you would leave me for Switzerland?” He says it not realizing causing you to chuckle. And when you look at him, he gets it.

The conversation doesn’t go farther after that. Jungkook just stays in his thought. When jungkook had made the decision to move. He honestly thought it wouldn’t be that bad. He’d plan on maybe moving you out to him when he settled down, but your job was a very hot topic. At the time he hadn’t realized how serious it was. But now he does.

If it was you moving, he’d be just as hurt. And it pissing him off that he hadn’t realize the impact.

For your second and last activity for the day, cause of the way time just flies by; is the largest indoor flea market.

You spend your time there; just looking around, eating, and buying stuff. During your move you make it a mission to take pictures of jungkook. And you do manage to take some good ones.

He also finds an opportunity to ask about your work and how it’s going. And if that co-worker that bothers you is still around. He’s glad to learn that she did get moved to another department. He’s happy with whatever makes you comfortable.

As you’re talking, you’re approached by a couple, older but not old and tourists as well. They ask you to take a picture of them and jungkook is glad to assist. When he’s done, they’re happy and offer to take a picture of you too, jungkook wants to decline the offer assuming you wouldn’t want to but you’re quick to accepting.

“you two look so lovely together.” The lady says and you have no clue what to say apart form an awkward thank you. You wouldn’t blame them for thinking you’re a couple, not with the way jungkook is smiling at the picture.

“Grow up kook.”

“What?” he whines. “It’s a good photo.”

You roll your eyes before walking away. He follows behind you, smiling.

-----

Soon your day on paper comes to an end and you’re returning to the cabin.

You did not know what to expect of your day in the morning. Your night was okay but would the rest of the day go the same? those were some of your thoughts. But to your pleasure the day went well, great even. You just hope it’s the same for the rest of the trip.

Jungkook is on cocoa duty (not assigned but he took the responsibility.) and you’d be lying if you said he didn’t do a good job at it every time.

Leaning against the counter holding your mug and watching him finishes up with his own, you watch.

“How’d you like the Lindt factory?”

He takes a sip before answering. “Great. Honestly enjoyed it more than I thought.”

“What? You don’t trust my judgement?” you watch as he leans on the counter opposite from you.

“it’s not that. Just never thought I was that big of a chocolate fan.”

You hum. Silence fills the kitchen as you’re just enjoying the drink. Why does the air feel so thick, is it the way he just leans there. Pajamas not doing a very good job at hiding his physique. Why the hell does he look buffer. Gosh, his arms look like they’d lift and lay you to your demise. In the morning you caught a glimpse of his shirtless torso, and you were about to lose your cool. To add gasoline to the fire he had just stepped out the shower and had not completely dried. Geez, if it wasn’t for your ability to leave the room, you don’t know what you would’ve done or said.

Jungkook has always had a keen eye for your little frustrated looks, the way you don’t blink, the way you wrap your hands around yourself or how you cross your legs. He knows. It’s the details he’s aware of. No one knows you like he does.

“I like this sweater on you.” He says pointing to the green sweater you’d just gotten back from the dry cleaners.

You look down at it. “Because it’s yours?” you raise a brow as you take a sip of your cocoa.

He shakes his head looking your body up. “no. because you look good in it.” He’s biting his lip, then his playing with that little lip ring. Yn, hold yourself.

You choke out a chuckle. “Jungkook.” It’s a warning for him. But he doesn’t take it.

“What? It’s not my fault you look good in all my clothes.” gosh you’re gonna die choking on this liquid. “Makes me want to just hand over my closet to you.” He’s coming closer to you, gosh what the fuck, he approaches but it’s the sink you’re standing in front he wants. You move. He rinses his mug, tired of the drink.

“Well, that won’t be necessary.” you say sliding away from his towering figure. Just to catch your breath, cause you’ve been holding it. Jungkook laughs at the movement. Just after, you’re rinsing your cup and placing it in the cupboard. You’re not gonna die choking on cocoa, or jungkook as a matter of fact.

“Think I’m going to bed.” You state thinking the bedroom will be your only place of solace away from him.

“Me too. I’m getting sleepy.”

You’re stiff as he walks behind you. You hope you’ll be able to sleep on your own tonight. Cause if jungkook just as much as touches you, you’ll turn into a puddle.

You’re quick to moving to your side and facing away from him as to not see him taking of his shirt. You know because you hear it drop.

“Goodnight.” He says turning off the light.

With all your might you mumble a goodnight to him too.

Tonight, you manage to fall asleep without cuddling. You sleep back-to-back close enough to feel the heat radiating off the other.

Jungkook wanted, so badly to go skiing after seeing an advertisement for it and saw some people do it on your way to the cabin. You’re not one for these intense sports but since he went with you to the Lindt factory, you thought it’d only be fair to go as well. Just accompany him.

Though his won’t be sweet and rewarding.

“You wanna go with me?” he asks teasingly and you shake your head, as soon as you process his words.” come on.” He whines.

“I’ll just cheer you on from down here.” The process of skiing looks terrifying. What do you mean you had to go on those zip line things, and slide down. Not you. Nope.

“it’s not that bad. You’ll be with me.”

Though it sounds comforting it doesn’t change anything. “I’ll just stay here looking around and taking pictures for you.” You smile hoping it convinces him.

He chuckles, his bunny smile on show for you.” baby what are you so scared of?” the pet name comes out smoothly, catching you by surprise. But it does seat itself in and warm your heart.

“it’s just scary.” You wrap your arms around your body.

He sighs watching you closely. “Fine, but can we do something as exciting, later.” He stares at you scattering your brain for what he could be referring to. “Like ice skating.” Oh—he was thinking ice skating. Last night has your mind in a whirlwind.

“That sounds better.” Jungkook laughs cause it’s basically the same thing, but he won’t get into it.

“Okay then.” He says walking to the register. “we’ll do that later.” It’s a promise.

Jungkook is off skiing and you’re sat in doors, still able to watch the outside activities, landscape and events thought the large window. You don’t mind not going skiing, it’s not like it was on your list.

While you’re sat you decide it’d be a good time to call jimin and let him in on your trip so far.

“it’s not as awkward, anymore. It was at first. But then we just agreed to just enjoy the trip for the sake of our money.”

“The sake of your money?” he mocks.

You choke out a laugh. “Yes, for the money.” Is it? “he’s been nice and all. It’s actually not bad.” Jimin hums as he listens, this time at least you have his attention.

You’ve shockingly enjoyed the trip more than you thought, so far. If you just keep on, the whole trip could go well and you’d be back to your normal lives. You hate the sickness you feel at the thought. The trip will end, it is gonna end and you’ll be back to what you were before. Gosh.

“Sounds like the trip is going a little too well.”

You scoff. “it’s not that, we’re both just chill.”

“No fucking or kissing.”

You gasp and look around like someone could’ve heard that, but your phone is to your ear. “jimin! Oh my gosh.” The thought of it has you blushing still.

“Just sayin’. Jungkook’s probably dying. ”

You roll your eyes. He’s fine, you’re fine.

You go on talking but soon you have to end the call. Immediately you cut the call and stuff your phone in your pocket a figure sits next to you. Male, not jungkook. You pay no mind to him. you’re on a public bench anyone can sit next to you. He’s just in his own business. Is what you think until he’s reaching over to talk to you.

“Exciting isn’t it.” when he speaks you catch his foreign accent, not Swiss. Must be a tourist like you.

You awkwardly furrow your brows. “Huh?”

“Skiing.” He points.

Then it clicks that that’s what he’s talking about.

“I presume.” You say modestly. Why the heck is he talking to you.

“Presume? Haven’t you gone?”

“no.” You shake your head chuckling. “it’s not for me.”

“You can’t say that. You haven’t even tried.” You internally roll your eyes. Why does he seem to care so much. “Plus, why come to Switzerland in the winter and not try skiing.”

You don’t know why you carry on this conversation, but you feel like justifying yourself. “Honestly I just came for the Lindt factory.” You say shamelessly causing the stranger to laugh. he doesn’t seem like a weirdo or creep, but you can never know. He’s probably not talking to you out of pure interest. So, you try to keep your distance.

“you’ve been?”

“Yeah. Yesterday.”

He hums sound interested and you know this conversation isn’t ending anytime soon. “How was it?”

You scoff internally. “It was fun. Would recommend you’ll love it.” You don’t even know him; how would you know he’d like it. And to be fair you’d add that Jungkook’s presence made the place more exciting to be at. You assume he doesn’t have a jungkook. Speaking of jungkook, how long is he going to be? You should’ve just gone out on a walk instead.

He nods. “Well maybe you can show me.” You pause, okay now you’re starting to get uncomfortable. “I’m sorry I don’t mean it like that. It’s just that I came alone and it would be nice to have someone show me around.” He justifies but it doesn’t make you any more comfortable. “I’d pay for your ticket if that’s the issue.”

You chuckle. “I’m a tourist to, there’s not much I can show you.”

“I mean you’ve visited the Lindt, so you know more than me.” Gosh he’s so adamant.

You smile awkwardly wishing jungkook would just pop up.

“you’d be better off going with someone else.” You’re looking around as if you’ve lost something. The man catches on to the action.

“Am I making you uncomfortable.” Yes. very.

“No-” before you can finish your lie of a statement, Jungkook’s interrupts, voice anything but kind.

“Yes, you are.” He says firmly, body not open for discussion.

The guy turns to look at you, then jungkook, then back at you. “Do you know him?”

Hesitantly you respond. “yeah” you debate on what to say. “He’s a friend.” He is isn’t he?

Friend? Jungkook chuckles internally. “Excuse us.” He spits out to the man.

The guy is taken aback, but just stands. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” You just nod and give him an awkward smile as he walks away.

You sigh relieved that he’s gone.

You and jungkook share a glance before he’s sitting down.

“Friend?” Jungkook asks when he sits next to you.

You raise a brow. “What? you wanted me to lie?”

“Lie?” he says even stronger. You don’t know what he’s pointing to right now.

“Are you parrot?” You chuckle trying to get smart with him.

Jungkook scoffs at how you avoid his eyes. “You couldn’t have said I was your boyfriend.”

“But you’re not.” You spit out a little quickly.

When you turn to look at him you catch how his jaw clenches. And if you weren’t arguing right now, you’d think it’s the hottest thing. “But you could’ve just lied so he leaves you alone. Now he’s probably going to try to approach you again.”

“he’s not going to.” You say naively.

Jungkook is getting frustrated with this, a little more than he should. “I know guys like that, he’s going wait for a time when I’m not around and attack.”

“Attack?” you laugh at his word choice. Your laughter only serves to his anger. “You’re being dramatic”

“I’m not being dramatic, I’m being serious” his statement comes out a little strong and louder than you’d like

“don’t yell.” You warn him and he apologizes. “I get you feel like you need to protect me, but relax.”

He laughs at the way you think. You thinking he’s feeling like he needs to, no, he needs to. He wants to.

“I don’t feel like, I need to, I want to.”

You don’t say anything, he knows he’s got you, what more could you say. There’s nothing. Jungkook is the protective type, has always been. He’s shown you that many times in your relationship. And then, it made sense but now you feel like he shouldn’t have to bother himself with it. You’re not his responsibility anymore. “We should get ready to go for lunch.” you stand walking away.

Jungkook follows after you, knowing you’re now gonna give him attitude. Your folded arms are evidence of that. He’d normally just kiss the attitude away but for obvious reason he can’t.

“you’re not gonna ask how skiing was?” He tries really hard to open the air for conversation. He hates it when you argue. So, he tries to everything he can to lighten the air.

You stare down at your food. Your eyes not meeting him once. “How was it?” you don’t even sound interested which you hate because you are. You love to hear jungkook talk about things he loves.

“It was great.” He explains not into going into much detail like he wanted to. Your energy demoralizes him. “I’m sure they’re still open if you still want to try. He suggests but you’re quick to shaking your head.

When he’s about to say something, he’s getting interrupted. It’s a girl, the one he met when skiing. She showed him around some routes since she’s a local.

“Yn, this is Lena. I met her whilst skiing.” He says introducing you. “Lena this is yn, my friend.”

Fuck now you know how bad it stings.

“Hey yn. How are you liking you trip so far?” she asks politely in an accent.

You stare her up, taking in her features. She looks about your age, and gorgeous. Why is your body so rigid. Speak. “Umm- hi-I’m liking it well enough. Thanks.” you can hear how stiff and awkward your speech is. Gosh yn she hasn’t done anything to you, chill. Smile.

Jungkook breaks into your awkward encounter. “I’m gonna be seeing you at the ice rink, right?”

He says and she smiles a little too hard. You roll your eyes. What does he mean he’s gonna see her there. Is the a you and him trip anymore? Your food doesn’t look as appetizing anymore. “Yeah. I’m there often during the holidays.”

The way her voice rings in your head is jarring. Make it stop.

Soon your prayers are answered and she’s leaving. Though unlike her your heavy heart stays.

Jungkook turns to you, still staring at her route of exit. “You, okay?” your eyes return.

You shift your eyes to your hands. “Yeah, I’m just tired.” You stand from the table choosing to leave. “I think I’m gonna stop by the cabin.”

Jungkook is confused. But he just takes you as you are.

“Sure, let me get-” he threatens to stand.

“no. I’ll just take a train.”

He sits down. If you want to be alone it’s best if he lets you be.

When you get to the cabin, all alone. You find yourself falling into deep thought.

The pretend play you and jungkook are playing is good for you to enjoy the trip, but you won’t deny how much it only covers your true feelings. You play pretend and feel all these feelings as though you’re still together and then the trip ends and you’re sucked into being apart. And it’s him leaving all over again.

You’re getting sick of it. There’s only so much pretending you can do.

Jungkook: ice skating later today?

He wants to be sure you haven’t changed your mind.

Not matter your emotions you still want to enjoy the trip.

You: sure. Meet you there.

When you make it to the ice rink, your mood is still tense from lunch, which is your fault for holding on to the emotions for so long. To only sour your mood more, you spot jungkook talking to the Lena girl from lunch.

You roll your eyes and watch how she giggles a little too hard at something he says. Jungkook is a funny guy, but she shouldn’t be laughing, whatever he’s said can’t be that funny. This is so irritating. Why the hell is she even here.

When jungkook spots you, he has on a huge grin, but the sour look on your face has him dropping it. He thought maybe you wouldn’t be still upset by now. But he’s wrong. “Yn you’re here.” He says it like he wasn’t expecting you and you weren’t meant to be here, or that’s how you hear it.

“We made plans, didn’t we?” your tone is nothing more than flat and irritated.

“We did.” He turns. “You remember Lena?” He turns to point at her, like you can’t see her. Why’s she looking at you.

Oh, could you forget her. “I do.” You jeer.

“Hi.” she with her perfect smile. You’d liked to punch it in—your of course—you’d never actually so it.

“Hey.” It comes out awkward and strained. Wanting to get things over with you turn to jungkook immediately. “what’re we doing now?”

“Um. We’ll have to get the skates.” He turns to Lena for some type of consultation, you scoff.

“Yeah, this way.” she says turning to lead the way.

Jungkook turns to you, your folded arms the first thing he sees. He stands next to you. “You get here okay?” you didn’t arrive together which means you had to take public transport, which he knows you don’t mind but he just wants to check on you.

“Yeah.” You mutter before walking ahead of him. Do you even know where you’re going?

You want to enjoy it, but the emotions that are ahead of you block you from doing so completely. And of course, Lena is a pro at skating.

Jungkook is fairly good, for someone who’s just taken it up. You’d attribute that to his quick learner personality.

You on the other hand are struggling, and it’s pissing you off. You hold on to the half wall and glide. There’s a good amount of people around and honestly, it’s embarrassing. -like- there are even small kids better at it than you. It’d be better if you just stopped. There are probably other activities you could do. Ice skating (or skiing) is not the end all be all of Switzerland.

Jungkook would probably enjoy skating more with Lena, seeing that they skied together earlier. You question why jungkook even ever liked you in the first place. You’re not cool like Lena or even as adventurous, you do try but you don’t feel it’s enough. He’s better off with someone like her. It’s good you broke up so that he can be free to do whatever. The thought stabs at your heart.

Jungkook spots you from where he is walking out. The look on your face anything but happy. He’s swift to skating to you, making sure not to bump into anymore with how fast he’s moving. “Where you going?”

His concerned and soft voice only intensifies your frustration. Could he not see how irritated and bad at this you are. He was probably too busy to notice. He’s always busy.

“You haven’t even travelled the while ring.” He chuckles awkwardly as you step off. He follows.

“I don’t know, I’m just not feeling it.” You don’t even dare look at him, because you know if you do your frustration will win and you’ll end up yelling or crying. And both are too embarrassing to do in public.

Jungkook scoffs. Jungkook can’t tell what’s going on with you but it’s definitely disturbing your ability to enjoy anything. He wants you to enjoy. But what’s irritating him is how you don’t want to communicate what you’re feeling to him. He’s always made himself a safe space for you to open up. But you never take it. Ever since he m0ved you’ve been distant, physically and emotionally. It’s frustrating cause all he wants is to be close to you in all ways. “You were not feeling skiing and now you’re not feeling this?”

Is he blaming you for not enjoying this? It’s not your fault you feel this way. You don’t even want to be feeling like this. You do want to enjoy skating, gosh you want to, so bad. But there’s just so much you’re holding on too that pretending can’t solve.

“Jungkook I’m not any good at this.” You gesture around eyes starting to sting when you watch how other people have fun while you argue. “You just go have fun with your Leni or Lena whatever.” You act like you aren’t sure of her name.

It’s the way you say it, the force and strain in the word. The way you look to the crowd in a jittering stare looking for her that let’s jungkook know what this is all about. Did it come off like that? She’s just a girl he met whilst skiing, he honestly never thought that far. Never thought you’d be thinking of it.

“Is this because of her?” he questions eyebrows furrowed trying to look at your face that’s staring down. Why the hell are this shoe laces so hard to untie. you just want to cut them off, but you’d probably have to pay for damages. Shit

Your frustration is replaced with another type of embarrassment, when jungkook is on his knee to replace his hands with yours to help you take the laces off. You just want the ground to swallow you right now. Unlike you Jungkook’s calmness is able to take the laces off. He tries to help you into your other shoes but you just brush him off. He moves.

Standing up and looking at you he asks. Voice calm like usual. “Is it?” you’d even forgotten his previous question. Do you have to answer him?

“I don’t know how it would be when you two are off to the other side of the ring. I’ve barely talked to her.” That’s exactly the problem why the heck do you feel like this when you haven’t gotten to know the girl. You barely know her intentions.

“It is.”

You groan rolling your eyes. “If you want help skating, I can help you. I’m sorry that I got carried away.” It’s probably one of the things you’re mad about. He just fucking left you like you didn’t make plans to come here together. Yeah, maybe your attitude made the distance between you, but he should know how to deal with it by now. Gosh you’ve been together for a good 3 years. He should know how you are.

And he does. That’s why he insists you’re acting like this cause of Lena. well, she’s probably just a catalyst and there’s something deeper that you two have to address.

You stand looking up at him, but he’s towering figure doesn’t make you as intimidating as you want to feel. “You don’t have to be sorry about anything, why? Cause you always know what you’re doing.”

“You know it’d be better if you just said it directly.” Whatever it is, because he wants to know. You want to walk past him but his hand around your wrist stops you. You look at it then at him. He’s not smiling, but not mad. Just concerned.

“I don’t--I’m not saying anything.” You snatch it form his grip and he lets you.

Jungkook’s face scrunches up in frustration. “That’s what you always say, then pull shit like this.”

You pause and stare at right in his--round eyes that are now, siren. “Shit like what?”

“This. Your fucking attitude.” He almost loses his tone but remembers that you’re in public, which is so fucking embarrassing. “You never want to talk about things.” He looks around for any watching eyes.

You just glare at him. Maybe you don’t like expressing yourself to him anymore. You’ve noticed it too. It had been hard for you to express yourself to him over a call, and sometimes shitty network. There had been days where you wanted to cry on his shoulders but only had the screen to rely on, so guess what you did. Nothing. You didn’t cry, you didn’t tell him anything. You’d just cry on your pillow after the call ends. “Maybe I don’t cause I know you won’t listen.”

That’s a hit to his ego. To him as a person.

“That’s bullshit and you know it. I always listen to you.” The blank look on your face has him questioning himself. “of course, I’m not perfect.”

You chuckle bitterly.

“Just go off to your little girlfriend.” And there it is, a confirmation of what he already knew.

You start walking to the entrance. And he follows. Shoes on. He’s not going to be able to skate with the heaviness in his heart. He’d end up sinking into the ice, which doesn’t sound so bad right now. “Come on.” He swiftly moves to standing Infront of you. He blocks you from moving and you just give up and just decide to look at his jaw, not wanting to look directly at him. Which was not a good idea, cause of how he clenches it. You look up into his eyes. “you’re jealous?”

“Who?” he’s a parrot and now you’re an owl, he wants to say but finds it inappropriate for your mood.

“You are so jealous.”

“I’m no-”

“don’t lie to me.” You try to push at his chest for him to move out of your way, but your plan backfires giving him leeway to hold your hand firmly to his chest. Hard as a rock even through he’s sweater. “Tell me why you’re jealous.”

Instead of answering him directly you try to change the topic. You swear you can feel his heart beat through his sweater.

“Don’t act like I couldn’t see you jealous too when that guy approached me.” You try to one-up.

“I was jealous.” His confession has you wanting you dig a hole and hide yourself. It’s so easy for him to say, you weren’t even enjoying your conversation with that guy. “Difference with me is that I can say it.”

Shit. Shit. What do you say now. Get angrier, that always works, well not really.

“Whatever. I’m not jealous.” You look away from him. Are you really doing this in public. Jungkook doesn’t look like he gives a fuck right now, he just wants an answer. One which he’s not going to get.

“Tell me what you’re so jealous about?” his voice lowers

“How many times do I have to say I’m not jealous.” Till you can’t deny it anymore, the thought runs through Jungkook’s mind. “Just go have your fun.” You finally decide you’re tired of feeling his heart beat perfectly.

“you’re so ridiculous y’know.” He watches you move slight away, anger not faltering one bit. You’re determined to being upset. “can’t we just talk about this. It seems to be bothering you.”

It is. It’s fucking gnawing at your heart, your lungs, your mind.

“Nothing’s bothering me, I’m fine.” You breathe in, relaxing and calming down just a bit. “I just don’t want to be out there all on my own, while you’re having fun with some else.” Jungkook licks his lip. He doesn’t have anything else to say. What he has to say can’t be said here or whilst you’re unable to hear.

“I’m going home.” You pass by him and he doesn’t bother turning to watch you walk out.

“Korea?” it’s possible for you to want to leave. And the thought causes him to bite down hard on his bottom lip. Cause if you leave on these terms, nothing’s gonna change and he’d never get another chance. You’d avoid him like the plague.

“No, the cabin.” You state and he’s relieved. “Have fun.”

“Everything okay?” jungkook is startled by Lena’s voice who walked around to find him after she noticed he was gone.

“Yeah.” You force a smile. “I’ll just get going.” He informs her. He already has his stuff so there’s no need for him to go back inside. “Thanks for getting us in, though we didn’t even stay long.”

“No problem. It was fun, wish I got to talk to her.”

“Yeah, she isn’t normally like that.” Cause you aren’t.

“I understand.”

You don’t immediately go to the cabin. Instead, you go to the sauna you had been eyeing. It could probably be the only way to relax you. The sweat dripping down will mask the real tears falling down your face. You’re glad you’re alone right now.

You have your head leaned back thinking about what had just previously happened. The thoughts not wanting to leave you.

You hear the door open but you don’t bother looking, you’ve got a lot to think about. “hey stranger..” the familiar voice speaks just as shocked. You sharply open your eyes. Wondering if it’s you he’s speaking to but you’re just the two of you in here.

You’re just the two of you.

“didn’t expect to find you here.” He says setting himself down just in front of you and you looking at him oddly. Do you have bad luck?

“hmm” you chuckle awkwardly. You make a plan to gradually scoot yourself to the door. Being with him here does make you uncomfortable but you try to stay to enjoy what’s left of your time. You expect silence but the man doesn’t see on the same level. “Went to the Lindt factory like you said. Was honestly the best of everything.”

“I’m glad you liked it.” you say like you’re a worker at the factory or care.

“It would’ve been better if you came too.”

You awkwardly chuckle and finally decide to sit up. You came here to think and relax but this guy couldn’t be more of a bother. “I’m sure I would’ve just made it worse.”

He chuckles and smiles your way. A smile you do not reciprocate “I doubt.”

“Is your friend around?” Now you should fucking leave.

“Mm?” you ask like you didn’t hear. Fucking sirens are blaring. He’s not giving off I’m gonna leap at your vibe. It’s more of his inability to give up that bugs you. “Oh- ahh yeah. He’s gonna be here.”

He turns to look at the door like Jungkook’s about to walk through the door, but he doesn’t. gosh you wish he would. “isn’t it hard to have male friends like him.” You look at him brows furrowed, confused. You wait for him to elaborate and he’s quick to it. “Protective.” He says.

“how?”

“makes it hard for you to live your live and get to know people.” You laugh. it’s not like jungkook has his hands on you and pulling you away from people who want to talk to you. He’s actually for it but he just has a good discernment of creeps. As you sit here you reflect on his words from before when you initially met the guy. Gosh you should really start listening to jungkook. Makes you realize how right he is—sometimes--

“no.” your tone is sharp that the soft one you’d been giving him.

He shakes his head. He lifts his hands in defence saying, “I think he’s doing too much.” Now you’re getting upset, visibly so, which is not lost to the man. Who the fuck does he thinks he is. He’s the one doing too much, “I’m not some weirdo, I promise.” He hasn’t shown any signs of it yet, but you don’t give a fuck and you’re not gonna wait around for him to show it.

“I think you’re doing too much.” You snare abruptly standing up. He can tell the irritation on your face and is about to defend himself but you’re quick to cutting in. you’re not about to have it.

“I don’t know how your long your trip is but if you see me around, please don’t speak to me.”

“Wait.” You don’t.

Sauna time done you decide to go back to the cabin, feeling anything but relaxed. Daylight already lost.

Today has honestly knocked you out, as though you’ve done anything energy straining. It’s more of an emotional strain. When you walk in jungkook isn’t anywhere to be seen. So, you just assume he never got back. Makes you wonder where the hell he is and why he didn’t tell you, but you’re in no place to convict him cause you never informed him of your sauna endeavours as well. You’re both grown adults and can move around Switzerland without the other—but—why do you feel entitled to know where he is. You lost those privileges when you broke up and now when you left him at the rink.

Maybe a steamy shower will do what the sauna didn’t finish cause of you interruption. After that you decide to end your night early, you’ve got nothing to do after all.

you toss and turn in bed, barely able to get a linear sleeping time. Everything just feels so weird and off. Even worse than in the beginning. It’s all a different type of awkward, which you hate. Jungkook isn’t sleeping next to you which prompts you to checking the time.

1:39am your phone tells you.

Where the hell is he, you’re starting to get scared. You’re not worried about his safety cause jungkook is very capable in that sector, --well unless he got shot—shot? Why are thinking of that. Who’d fucking shot him, let alone in Switzerland. He’s never been in any trouble with the law or anyone. You’re getting paranoid, if you don’t see jungkook in the flesh, well and not wounded, you’re gonna lose your mind.

Putting on the sweater that has been a staple and carried you through the trip you walk out the bedroom to the open floor living room. you sigh when you don’t spot jungkook. You won’t be able to go back to sleep even if you wanted to. Cause you don’t feel like it and are losing your mind. As you’re standing in the living room like an anxiety ridden mom waiting for their teenager child at midnight, you hear it. It’s wood chopping sounds. Harsh and fast. You do have some cabins around you so it could be your neighbours—but no--the sound is closer to yours, like it’s just outside. So, you curiously walk to the door which would lead you closer to the sound. Maybe you aren’t as afraid cause you assume it’s jungkook. And it is.

You relax when you spot his figure well and healthy.

He doesn’t notice as you stand watching him. bottom lip chewed down on. Why the hell is he chopping wood at 1 in the morning.

You want to say something. You need to. Maybe apologize about what happened at the rink, you have a fair share in the argument. Since waking up or maybe after the sauna you realized how childish your behaviour was. You ruined the moment. When you could’ve just asked jungkook to help you and he would’ve been there, hadn’t you chosen to give into your irritation. Irritation of seeing him with a woman. There you said it.

His muscles flex as he moves to drop the axe down on the wood.

This is not what you want for you and jungkook. Arguing and not able to talk or share air. It’s not what you want. Even if things do officially end, you’d want to end it on calm and friendlier terms.

As you watch him you notice how his jaw tightens. He’s not just chopping wood. You start to worry for him when his movements grow harsher, of the larger chunk of wood.

“What did the wood do to you?” you try to be neutral.

He didn’t notice you behind him. So, he’s startled by the sound of your voice. Turning to look at you holding yourself in the door way, he chooses to take a break. He got so carried away he forgot he was cutting wood for the fire place and had cut too much. He drops the axe into snow. “Ditched me at the ice rink.” He says going to pick up some pieces of wood to bring inside.

Fuck you feel so bad. You stay silent watching him until he’s brought all the wood in and finally closing the door. Which allows for the warmth from the now blazing fire to fill the house. Now in warmer climate, jungkook takes off his large sweater and you drop your arms that were still wrapped around you.

“I’m sorry about that.” You mumble softly. He stands at the sink, you assume to make himself something warm.

“it’s okay, it’s not like I went all the way to stay in touch with some girl so she could get me—us--a good deal at the ice rink. Then I take you there and you ditch the thing entirely.”

You do feel horrible about to, but his tone irritates you causing you to respond as just that. Which you immediately regret.

“I left you with her, weren’t you happy with that.” You have an interesting way of saying things that bother you.

Jungkook pauses his actions and stares at you with a seriously confused face. He scoffs. You’re not making sense. “You know that’s not what I wanted.” He returns to his mug. “I wanted to spend it with you.” His voices calms.

Fuck. Uhm what do you say. You should probably say you’re sorry. “I’m sorry.”

Jungkook just listening. He just doesn’t understand, he wishes you could just be straight forward. Frustrated and tired of hiding behind a task, he drops the cup to give you, his attention.

“Did I say something wrong?” you stand where you are but jungkook moves. To you. You panic but he doesn’t walk closer than a few feet from you. You don’t know how you’d handle yourself if he came any closer. At the rink you almost died. “At the rink?” he clarifies like you’re not fully aware. He just wants to make sure that you’re on the same page. Cause you can think of other times he might have feared he’d said something wrong. “I honestly shouldn’t even have started talking to her.” He rubs a hand over his face.

Jungkook has never been malicious to you in your friendship before or relationship. Or even now. He’s been cordial. He’s the only man who’s treated so well and calmingly. Of course he has his imperfections, you both do. But it doesn’t take from how well he’s treated you. He never crosses a line.

“it’s not even that.” You’re looking off to the side and holding yourself again,

Gosh, he’s really holding himself right now. He bites his lower lip and clenches his jaw to hold himself back from just walking up to you and making you look him in the eyes. “Then what’s wrong. Please talk to me.” He pleads.

“I don’t know,” you whisper still looking beyond him, your voice is barely audible.

He’s begging, really for you to just tell him something. “Please don’t say that.” He responds, his tone a mix of frustration and pleading. He steps closer just a few centimetres away, if you unfolded your arms you’d probably bump into his chest.

“I don’t-” you start but your voice cuts you off, “it’s the way you-” you aren’t able to finish. What are you going to do with yourself. This is embarrassing, you can barely form or organize your thoughts and your mouth can barely move to speak. You’re not even going to talk about how hard it is for you to look him in the eyes. You just settle with staring at his other supporting features. His hair, his ears (that are red from what you assume is frustration—it’s not--), his eyebrows and then you skip to look at his nose--

“was it me talking to that girl?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” You push away slightly.

“But we have--you know what--I want to.” He moves to block your action of walking away. You thought you were strong enough. You thought you’d manage to talk about this. But you can’t. not when it makes you want to cry. “I want to talk about it.” His voice is stern but not harsh. It’s just strong enough to let you know he’s not letting this go. It’s funny how something so insignificant can cause you to be in this situation. Forced to express and confront your emotions, the one’s you’ve been running from since the trip began, the one’s you told yourselves you’d pretend didn’t exist. You fooled yourselves by dodging the topic.

Now you’re here. “While we’re at it we can talk about why you broke up with me.” He’s not asking if you can talk about it, he’s telling you it has to be talked about and he’s not gonna let it go by. Not this time.

At his words, all your emotions unite to form a single unit of defence. “me? you agreed too.” You point at him face scowling.

“I only did cause it’s what you wanted, and I didn’t want to hold you back.”

You stare confused. “Hold me back from what?” what the fuck does he think you’ve been doing. You hope he doesn’t think you’ve been out and about since breaking up, that’s been the last thing on your mind.

“From living the life, you wanted to, without me.” His upset at the thought leading his voice to come out a little passive aggressive.

He does think that, you can see it. “Without you? I don’t want that.” You state. “But how can I live a life with you when you’re miles away, always busy. And can barely visit.” You just talk. Finally, your gears are moving. But the problem is that so are the tears. “You moving away is you choosing to live without me too.” You choke on your words a little. “Even I didn’t want to tie you to me or hold you back from your dreams that’s why I tried to li- live with it, but it got so unbearable kook. I couldn’t take it. it felt like I was alone. In fact, I was alone.”

Jungkook feels sick hearing that you felt alone.

“You know I did try.” His voice is soft, moving himself into your circle. You let him. He can’t help himself but cup your cheek. The action feels comforting, almost relieving. At least he’s here and you’re not talking over the phone, makes it much easier for you to sink into his touch.

You hold the wrist that’s caressing your cheek. Gosh you want to keep his touch here forever. “I know that’s what hurts more you tried but it still wasn’t enough. I really did want it to work. I still do.” On your last sentence you look up at him and he’s already staring at you, the thump of his other hand coming swiftly to wipe your stray tears. You sniffle. “Cause honestly I’ve missed you kook.” You feel comforted playing with the end of his sweater. “So much. I miss how we were before you moved. When it was easier for us to be together.” your fingers take a journey from the bottom of his sweater to the neck.

Your palms lay flat on his chest and his hands move to softly hold your wrist, not to move you away but you keep there.

“I know we said we’d pretend. A-and I thought I could. But I can’t kook.” On cue with his name, you look up at him. “fuck- I never knew how much I hate seeing you talk to other—" you can’t finish your sentence, but it’s okay cause he’s finished for you in his mind. “I’m sorry for attitude.”

He glides his hands from your wrists down your arms until they are both on your waist. “I’m sorry too.” He’s pulling you closer, your hands still on his chest, but now for stability. “I’m so sorry I was too distracted for you. You didn’t deserve that. You don’t serve that.” He’s caressing your back. “okay?” you have to answer but you can only bring yourself to nodding. All he’s ever wanted was to know. Know what was wrong and how he could fix it.

“I’ve missed you too.” He smiles lightly bringing his nose to brush against yours. The action has you tilting your head upwards. His lips itch to touch yours, but they don’t they just hover, he still has more to say. And he wants to say it close enough for you to feel it. “If only you knew how I dreaded every morning and realized you weren’t next to me. Every time I just wanted to fly back home.”

“So, what stopped you.” You’re looking at his lips. his rosy and moist lips from how hard he’s been biting and licking on that. You wanna do that. You wanna kiss him, wanna be the only biting down on his lips. you wanna do a lot of things right now. You wanna run your hands through his hair remind yourself of its texture, you wanna lift that sweater off, that holds his cologne so well, the earthy lavender scent, that crawls its way through your system. You wanna take that sweater off him, --feel, see—just how much that gym membership as proved itself valuable. You know you won’t be disappointed, jungkook loves the fucking gym.

“I don’t even know. But all I know is that it’s not gonna stop me anymore.” Him nudging his nose closer has you tilting your head to meet his lips. the air between you feels heavy. The feeling pulling your lips to meet. And when the do, it’s fervent. His kiss is urgent but slow, not wanting to be apart from you for a second.

Your bodies are hooked together as Jungkook is moving you back into a wall. The kiss intensifies when he leans your head back with his hand around your neck. You’re gripping onto his sweater for support and breathing him in for life.

Jungkook clings onto your lips for life too, even if he needs to breath he doesn’t stop. You moaning into his mouth will suffice. He doesn’t know where to keep his hands. Should he use them to tilt your head back to deepen the kiss, (if he goes any deeper he’s gonna sink.) whilst he uses the other to pull you leg up by your thighs, his grip surely leaving crescent moons as decorations. He doesn’t know what to do with them. For the moment he uses them to pull he sweater over his head. You’ve been clawing at it to come off.

Now shirtless you can feel his skin for what you remember it to be silky-smooth. So delicate that you fear leaving scratch marks on him, but jungkook encourages it, he begs you to do it. Your hands roam his body, first his large back, muscles flexed, then down his firm chest then down to his defined midsection. “What am I to do with all this.” You say breathless.

“You tell me. It’s all yours.” Your lips are meeting again. Tongues tagging at each other. For some reason the rich, sweet and completely irresistible taste of chocolate lingers on your lips, but he loves it and is drinking it up.

Jungkook finds that his hands are better at gripping your thigh and lifting it to wrap around his waist. His core moves into you and you feel how hard he is against you. You’re thankful for his thin pajama pants.

Your hands pull at the root of his hair, though it’s shorter you make it work, making him groan into your mouth. You both can’t fucking breath at this point, which is the only reason you’re pulling away. Your heavy breaths brushing against each other.

“jungk-” you’re moaning for him to take you to bed but he’s steps ahead of you. Your feet don’t have to fret cause he’s lifting you by the thighs to lay you on the edge of the bed.

You lay back on the bed but legs on his shoulder, he’s kneeling between your legs. Your pants are still on but not for long. In a swift motion you’re left in your plain black panties. The ones with the little bow. He chuckles at the detail. When you see what he’s laughing at you get self conscious. Jungkook looks up at you confused why you’re closing your legs.

“I didn’t know we’d be in this position, so these are the one I brought.” You try to explain yourself cheeks blushing red. He doesn’t know why you’re so insecure about the detail. He loves them.

For a quick kiss he’s on his feet hovering over you. “it’s okay, I like my gifts wrapped in bows.” He smirks and the comment has you calling out his name in shock. peck. He’s back on his knees staring at your core. The bow is a detail he’ll miss but he’d gotta take them off. Fuck is all he can think when your cunt is right in front of him, wet. Is this where he’s meant to die, right in your cunt from suffocation cause he won’t be able to detach himself from you.

Your legs are planted on his shoulder, your ass just at the edge of the bed. When he first swipes his tongue through your folds, it takes you by surprise. Gosh you missed him being right there.

“fuck” you whimper the sound not being able to be masked. Your slick, probably mixed with his saliva, drips down your cunt, down his chin. His nose is so deep in it that some of your juices run up his nose. Is this how fucking cocaine sniffers feel? He can’t wait till his cock is buried snuggly it. He sniffs in, on purpose this time, takin git once more. You grind on his face making him suck harder at your clit. You’re getting dizzy and gripping hard at the sheets. His nails dig into your thighs harshly, the pain causing pleasure.

Everything is so intense you can’t tell apart your orgasm. Fuck you can’t be coming this fast from just his tongue. Shit. “Jungkook. Don’t stop” You whine the intense feeling approaching quick, your walls tightening and fluttering around his tongue. Jungkook’s so carried away he only realizes you’re coming when your legs are shaking. He drinks everything that leaves and it’s only when you’re pulling his head back from overstimulation that he realizes he should take a breath. He’s starved can you blame him?

“you’re so gorgeous baby.” he says peppering kisses on your thighs. “Wanna do that again for me.” He’d absolutely would eat you out for a second time in a row. And you’d love that but you just want to feel him.

You’re moving up the bed and he’s hovering over you kissing your jaw. Your palms meet his ass in a teasing smack.

“Missed this ass.” You smile under him. jungkook just chuckles. you want to add on but his finger stuffing your tight cunt has you silent, gasping for air.

Jungkook smiles down at your pleasure strained face. “mm? not so talkative now?”

He thinks he’s got you. Then you slide down your hand down his abs, he knows where your hand travels and though it’ll destroy his ego, he lets you do it. “so big” you bite your bottom lip as you start stroking him, using your own juices as lubricate. He’s walls are falling. Your hand wrapped around him, has him burying his moans in the croak of your neck.

It’s a competition huh? he loves those second and fucking your cunt first.

You’re stroking him in his pants and he’s pumping his fingers in your cunt. He’s kissing you to hide his moans. It’s a fucking competition and he’s losing. He can’t lose. His hand leaves your cunt to grab at your wrist. You stop. He pulls you away from him. if you went on any longer, he’d be done for and the night wouldn’t end the way he wants. He hasn’t been touched in a year, unless it’s talking about those times you sexted, but it doesn’t count. It feels different when it’s your hands.

“why’d you do that?” you whine.

“If you did that you wouldn’t have gotten the orgasms I have left for you.” You don’t respond. you won’t argue, you do want them.

His fingers are back to pumping and even sooner than before your climax approaches. He wishes he could count just how much you flutter around his finger but he’s too busy looking at your face, pleasure written all over it. and its pride that fills him, knowing he’s the one giving it to you.

Jungkook moves away and you watch how he licks his fingers clean. The way he smiles at you after, is disgustingly hot.

“Take off your pants.” You tell him.

“You take off your shirt.” He reciprocates, you’d forgotten you’d even been wearing anything.

Jungkook is spoiled by the sight before him, your chest sprawled out for him to taste. So, he leans down and wraps his tongue around a nipple. His hand lost at the other side. You love all the foreplay, really, but you want him. you’ve been thinking about it for forever.

“Jungkook.” You call. He hums saying you have his attention. “I want you.”

There’s nothing more he wants.

“Want you too baby.” He says grabbing his cock and aligning it with your entrance. Then he remembers.

“fuck” he whispers. You sit up and wander what has him holding back.

“what?”

“I don’t have a condom.” He knows he doesn’t have one, it’d be weird, it’s not like he was coming on this trip expecting to fuck you.

“Why?” he stares at you confused.

“I didn’t expect fucking to be on the itinerary.”

Oh yeah, you laugh at himself.

“Do you?”

“Nope. Why would I have them.” He just shrugs his shoulders.

He’s gonna lose it. “Are you on the pill?” it’s his only option.

That’s when you shake your head. “Got off when we broke up.”

Okay so what is he gonna do, his cock hard and your cunt right in front of him.

“Jungkook come on you can pull out.” You whine pulling him forward.

She shakes his head. “god no. I almost lost my mind from your hand. It’d lose it in your pussy.” You smile, you shouldn’t be laughing cause you won’t be able to fuck. But you just can’t help but smile at the fact that he almost lost himself just from your hand. You’ve got no clue on what to do. You really need to fuck him.

“Wait--” he looks at you. “This is a lover’s cabin.” You say but he waits for you to elaborate and make sense.

“wouldn’t they have condoms in the cupboard or something.” He didn’t think of that.

So, as you stand you walk over to the cupboard roughly open it almost tipping it over. “Bingo!” you celebrate pulling out a long string of condoms. Your saving grace.

You carefully pull out one and toss it to jungkook.

“Relax aren’t they the one’s you usually use,” you say when you see the look on his face. They do look like they’ve just been purchased and placed. He’s so thankful right now. He leans against the head board and you watch how he gracefully he strokes himself and slips it on, your mouth drools but you’re too needy. You’ll do that another day.

“Come ride cow girl.” He welcomes you when he’s all done. You stretch your legs over him, centering yourself. His hands are quick to spread across your ass, landing a light tap.

He helps you centre himself at your entrance. His brows scrunch together when he feels your tight warmth slide down him. he definitely isn’t going to last long, maybe he’ll hold on till you come but after that is not promised.

His hand loosely holds at your throat, just enough to tilt it back slightly and leave wet kisses and marks everywhere on your skin.

You sliding up and down him feels great but he couldn’t help himself but move his fingers to touch your clit. In pure pleasure you’re wrapping your arms around him and kissing him. you love this position, how he nudges at your back, how intimate it feels, the way you’re so close after being so far away. The cold is barely in mind. Jungkook can’t express how much he’s missed you.

You love it.

But what you love more is how he pulls at your hair, just softly. “Love fucking my cock huh?” he asks but you’re unable to answer his hips jutting up into you with great speed. Jungkook could get carried away with the way your boob bounce but he chooses to say focus. “You like that huh?” he smirks but your eyes are closed, the pleasure of his intense strokes taking you out.

“Yeah, love fucking you kook.” You whimper out.

He’s thrusting harder and you’re moaning louder. “you look so pretty taking me baby. Wanna fuck you forever.”

You wish you.

Your body melts into his as you’re coming again, jungkook fucking into you for his own high which follows after yours. When he catches his breath, he’s laying you down and beside you just after throwing the filled condom.

“I’m gonna get the bath started.” He says planting a quick kiss on your shoulder.

You’re too drained to stand so when he’s back to come get you you’re dozing off. “come on baby I’ve got to get you cleaned up.”

You groan. “Then after a I can make you cocoa.”

“I’m so tired kook.” You whine.

“I knowww.” he coos. Next thing you know he’s lifting you, bridal style. “it’s okay I’ve got you.”

“Hmm. Don’t move.” Jungkook whines when you threaten to stand and start your day. You two have already slept in because of your late-night endeavours.

“I have to kook. We have so much for our day.”

“Ugh! Fine. But first give me your hand.” He demands the action has you confused but you give it to him. when he has it, he’s giving you a billion kisses. “I love you.” He doesn’t think it’s too soon cause—well he doesn’t know it just felt right to say.

“I love you too now let me go.” He makes sure not to unhand you until you say it more ‘meaningfully’ according to him.

---

You and jungkook decided to retry ice skating (you were hell bent on not going skiing.)

As you’re skating jungkook slides to the half wall, after telling you he has to take a call. You shoo him away after telling you’ll be fine alone (for the meantime).

“Any news?” jungkook was nervous when he got the call from Namjoon. This is a very important call from him, it determines what the hell he’s gonna choose. Quit or get transferred.

“Yeah. it’s been approved.” Jungkook is still for a moment.

“Seriously?” it almost feels like a dream.

“Yeah, had to do a lot of convincing but they agreed.” He’s so grateful for Namjoon. He’s gonna miss him. Jungkook looks over to you, gliding not great but better, and you’re smiling this time. So, he’s happy. You’re happy.

“Thank you, man,”

Namjoon smiles, he knows how much this means. “No problem.” The call cuts.

This just seals a lot “kook look out.” He pockets his phone and as he’s turning to you, you slam into him. You haven’t gotten to the knowing how to stop just yet. Maybe next time.

“You okay, baby.” He says holding onto you by your waist

You let out a dramatic breath that has him smiling. “Yeah, but I’m getting kinda tired.” You say out of breath and letting your weight fall into his arms.

“I’m getting hungry too.” You’ve spent a good amount of time ice skating so you decide to leave it for next time.

“what’s the plan for tonight.” He asks as you eat.

“Hmm. For the first time I don’t know.” You both laugh. “We could go out for dinner—ohhh the hot tub--.” You forgot about it cause none of you ever wanted to use it, honestly you didn’t even expect the place to have a hot tub.

“I like the sound of that.”

The steam of the hot tub hovers lazily on the surface of the water. The steam curls around jungkook as his gaze locks on you. Body dry cause you haven’t gotten in yet. You walk onto the deck, the dim but still bright enough lights radiant off your skin, as though the sun has come to pay him a visit at night.

His breath is caught.

The bikini hugs you in all the ways that made his thoughts falter, the curves of your body illuminated by the soft glow of the light. He swallows hard, his mouth dry despite being surround by water. You make him weak, so much that he looks only at you, even though your attention is else were. You try to find a place to hook your towels.

And then you turn around to smile at him in victory of finding a place to hang them. He nods acknowledging but no paying attention.

He leans back slightly, the water lapping at his shoulders as his eyes roam you, mesmerized. There’s some thing unworldly about you, something he can’t quite put into words. It wasn’t just the way you looked, that made him trip for you. It was the way you carried yourself, the way your body swayed as you moved closer to him.

His arms immediately reach out to envelope you. “Enjoying the view?” you tease, your voice relaxing into the tub and his warmth.

The chuckle he releases is low, “you know I am.”

Your giggle like a melody. You wrap your arms around him and he loses his stability for a second before regaining it. “careful.” He murmurs to you, a slow smile spreading across his face. “I might drown.”

“I wouldn’t want that.” you peck his lips.

You relax for a while just taking in the night and each other presence.

Jungkook has been meaning to ask, the question eating at his mind. “Do you want to go back to Korea with me?” it sounds like a dumb question, you came together so you will be leaving together.

But the double meaning lies within and he’s desperate to know your answer.

“What are you saying?” you coo at him. “Aren’t we already going back together.” You’re talking about the tangible stuff, the tickets, the plane, the flying, even the landing and going home. But he doesn’t mean that.

After pecking your shoulder water sticking to his lips, he explains. “I don’t mean physically.”

You stare down at him eyes softening. “kook” you realize the seriousness of his question. And for a second jungkook senses scepticism. So, he panics.

“If it’s bout my job, I’m working on it.” His voice is quick.

That was a fear of yours, even more that he wouldn’t want to move. Jungkook has thought about it, the move was a rush decision he never spoke to anyone about it to ask their opinion or whatever. And honestly the move didn’t bring him much joy, besides the opportunity to adventure Jeju. But apart from that he was away from his family, his friends and you. Everything that made his life.

“Seriously?” you say more shocked than anything else.

“Yeah, Namjoon called me. My transfer got approved.”

You gasp the water swashing from your movement. “don’t lie to me”

He laughs. “I’m not.”

“I thought you said getting it approved is hard.” You’re finding this so hard to believe.

“It is, I guess I got lucky.”

You squeal moving in to hug him.

“When did you start all this.” It’s along process so he had to start early.

“Honestly before we broke up. I wanted to surprise you if it got approved. But then-” you shush him from going on further.

“So, what would have you done if it didn’t get approved.” Your tone drops.

Jungkook sighs looking around in thought. “would’ve fucking quit.” it’s funny how easy the idea is for him, former him would have struggled with the question. “I’m tired of being so far from you.”

“Same.” He places a longer and soft kiss on your lips.

“So, you wanna go back with me?” His voice is playful, as he looks up at you through wet lashes.

“Mhm.” You smile, leaning slightly closer to him, your fingertips tracing lazy circles on his shoulder. “I wanna go everywhere with you.”

The words hang in the air for a moment, warm and intimate, as his lips lifts into a small, boyish grin. “We can arrange that.”

Jungkook doesn’t mind being patched to your side like a little purse dog. In fact, the way he leans into you now, his hand slipping around your waist as if it were second nature, says he’d prefer it. His thumb grazes your hip absentmindedly, a small gesture that feels both possessive and endearing.

“I’m gonna miss it.” you say leaning into Jungkook's shoulder with a pout. You wait patiently for your flight. “Feels like we just started the trip.”

Jungkook reaches over to cup your hand in his. He then interlocks your fingers and brings it to his lips; the action causes you to smile softly. He really likes to do that. It’d never been a trait of his before, so you’re intrigued, to why he does it all of a sudden. “We can come back one day. together.”

“Yeah together.” You reassure. You like this. Like having him with you.

[3 months later]

“Jimin if you’re gonna wear that to my fucking wedding you’re not coming.” You announce to a jimin too focused on the light blue suit he’s in. in the mirror you can spot his cheeky grin. He’s not gonna wear a freaking light blue suit, it’s not on the colour scheme, plus he doesn’t like how it makes him look.

He turns to look at jungkook who’s standing on his own pedestal looking into the mirror. Touching and teasing at the suit. “Jungkook you’re not gonna let her do that right?.” Jungkook just shrugs his shoulders at jimin. He’s not pleased with the answer. He knew the dude was down bad, but not this down bad. “Bro!”

“she’s the boss.” Jungkook raises his hands in surrender and you smirk in your seat.

“Come on man…standup.” he fists at Jungkook who just laughs. As Jimin is stepping out to get out of the suit (he stayed so long in it you thought he might actually want to wear it.) and get changed, you swat him with a magazine and he’s quick to running out not wanting you to land another hit.

Now alone in the dressing room you walk up to jungkook. You lean your chin on his shoulder, your hands finding there way to his chest. He welcomes them with his own. “You look so handsome.” Your voices hums sweetly by his ear. Jungkook lifts up both of your hands to place soft and warm kisses on them. The action has you blushing red. The ring on your finger and indication of why he liked to do it before. Plus, now, he just enjoys it., it makes you blush and he likes that.

“Mhm.” He hums against your wrists. “You like it?”

“I love it.” You take a hundredth glance at a preview of what he might wear at your wedding. If he chooses it’s what he wants. You love the cut on him. the colour complimenting his skin, and the style shows off his physique, not too much, but not too little. But all the buttons on the vest and shirt are gonna give you some trouble undoing.

Jungkook stares at you completely enamoured at the way you’re looking at it. You should be looking at him like that. “I think you might love the suit more than me.” He turns abruptly causing you to fall into his chest. He catches and keeps you stable with his firm hand on your lower back.

You place one hand on his chest and the other around his neck, bringing you much closer. “I might just.” Your lips could meet easily with how close you are. But you don’t move them and jungkook pouts at how you deny him the opportunity.

“I’m gonna take it off, not gonna let you love it more.” He nudges his nose with yours.

“Take it off.”

“Jeon Yn! I forgot how freaky you are.” You roll your eyes at how he’s already given you his last name, you like the sound of it though. Reminds you of how real this is, you’re not dreaming.

Trying to tease him more you move by his ear to whisper, “Not here though.”

Jungkook is biting his lower lip. “We should hurry then.” he moves to kiss your shoulder, your off-the-shoulder top giving him leeway to kiss your skin directly. He peppers more kisses from your shoulder to your neck before you get carried away you’re prompting for him to turn around. He does, though reluctantly.

You giggle.

“Do you like it though?” your voice turns serious, as much as you like it and how you just want to see him in it the whole day. If he likes it matters.

“Yeah, it makes me look so…husband.” He smiles boyishly as he winks at you in the mirror.

“Oh-gosh.” You push yourself away from him to get back to your seat. You’re not gonna be here all day.

He turns to face you. Still standing on the pedestal. “When do I get to see you in your dress” His teeth play with his lip ring as he asks curiously. The thought of you in the gown exciting him.

“When I walk down the aisle.” You stare blankly, no room for discussion. And he doesn’t, you’ve been quite stern about him not seeing you in any bridal wear until the wedding. Which he doesn’t mind, he can wait.

“Make sure it’s a ball gown so that I can slip under and hide.” He gestures his hands to elaborate what he means.

You shake your head. It’s not your style, maybe when you were a child, but you’ve grown. “I’m not wearing a ball gown.”

Ditching the jacket, he places it next to you and stands closing your legs between his. He lowers himself so your nose is touching his. His arms trap you between him and the couch. You didn’t think he was not gonna get that kiss right? He kisses you softly, then again. Then a little harder the third time, this one lasting seconds longer. You hold on his waist for stability. He kisses you once more just for the sake.

“I’m very sure you’ll look divine in whatever you pick, baby.”

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A/N: so that's that. I hope I've fixed your broken heart from I-redo. there are scenes that i couldn't fit in. Yes of course there are other activities they did, but if i wrote it all it would be boring and too long and would probably be pushed to next month. i wish i could've written more fluff but idk.

i will allow for story drabble request if you guys want that.

but yeah thanks, for reading, liking and commenting. much love. wishing you a happy new year.

story idea copyright of keen-li, 30.12.24

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