#personal gunk
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Heyyyy party people. It is now September, meaning the intended start for the little Tokyo Ghoul re-read I am still hoping to host will start (hopefully) next month!
College starts again for me on Monday, i was able to get my timetable so i know roughly how much free time i will have + over the coming weeks will be working on adjusting to that - i have to do an extra course to guarantee a uni offer too, so this could be subject to change. It’s…a lot lol. As soon as I have my routine in order, and feel i have enough free time, i will be starting the re-read. I am still praying to start the re-read in October. personally i think aiming to start it on Halloween would be sick af - and it takes more pressure off me lmao. I know not setting a set date for the start of the re-read is probably very annoying, and all my updates are basically - ooooh maybe October guys idk yet - but hopefully my next update will be more exciting.
I have the Discord server to host the re-read in basically all set up already, as well as scheduling for the re-read. I’d hope the next update is the link to the server. I am still in dire need of moderators for the server. I’m not good with technology and I’m a busy little bee, so if anyone would be interested in helping out with moderating the discord server, etc - please drop me a message to discuss it (warning that my reply time is quite slow in advance). I will also be making a side blog to host the re-read on tumblr - featuring weekly discussion posts and the like - for those who would prefer not to use Discord. As I said, hopefully all that will be in my next update.
I know I am not very active at the moment, but I have a few exciting things planned to post. Hopefully a short fic oneshot, new analysis post, and I’m hoping to post my ghoul biology headcanons soon too. My new course is lots of report writing and essays and research, so I was hoping in my free time I could build on those skills by making things related to TG (Shuu) - so hopefully a lot of long-winded TG posts in the near future. Also, of course, @shuutism will be coming back soon. I had to stop posting on there for a bit bc being online is hard.
Sorry I’m so boring in this update - girl who gaf lol ���� Idk. Just wanted to yap i guess. Hopefully more exciting things on the horizon. Things are a lot currently; like i think I’m reverting back to Christianity and heterosexuality - or maybe it’s just pre-autumnal depression - and my adoration of horses has become very powerful, and now I have braces. Which is great because it’s really helped my ED recovery, but in the process I think it’s also sent me back into a different relapse. Like I say - a lot of stuff, none of it to be online. Idk. Yap session over. See u soon party ppl 🫡 🙏💜❤️
#Shareholder yap session#personal gunk#Gunk. Who gaf#Gunk interrupted#Tg re-read (gunkbaby)#Updates#boring af
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on a break
#original art#illustration#digital art#artists on tumblr#character art#marcia#marciaillust#oc art#tcm#the clockmaster#orion lavont#garret#you cant see em but ive been drawing so many cigarette pics recently#with these two just huffing darts#this pic in particular is very funny to me personally because#worst blunt rotation to these two is each other#as for regular ol smokes garret might have one but orion would probably refuse#tho tbf it depends on how the weeks is going for em. a little mild self destruction as a treat :)#but i believe orion wouldnt be into stink and gunking up his lungs on the reg. things would really have to be not optimal for him#and garret. oh garret. oh my little scrunky. smokes are so hard to steal from convenience stores arent they. and they cost so much.#i think he wouldnt even have the possibility of getting addicted or getting them on the reg#he definitely could be a social smoker#that's actually pretty funny#garret: i dont smoke unless i bummed it off someone else#i dont believe either of them knows where to get weed though
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to be, or not to be (romanticization of the inevitable)
#ray's tag#keys' art#undescribed#skeletons#ok to reblog#the skeleton model that i traced for this was provided by the incredible kiku @kikunai whom you can find right here on tumblr!#so uh. This is a piece about chronic fatigue although the original idea i had for it drifted a bit as soon as I started coloring the linear#(i really enjoy shading and lighting things and got a bit carried away here but i stand by my choice because this is my favorite thing#that i've ever drawn)#anyways. i often feel especially lately with school being back in season that my bones are leaden with this sort of. weariness. theyre heav#it weighs on our mental health and energy a lot and although there's a couple of reasons we have been given for it#that doesn't remove the fact that this is still a thing that affects us in a very real way day to day although we are good at masking it.#often i come home to find that i do not have the physical mental or creative energy to work on things i really want to#especially project: nexus which i feel extra bad about even though i can't help it because i just started it so recently#it is a mild to moderate struggle to make it day to day and i just. wanted to represent this somehow#my original concept for this was a skeleton with some black goop gunk whatever leaking from its joints#but as i started adding the cracks and coloring them gold (a personal touch; kintsugi is a concept that is very dear to us)#i realized that the focus here was less on the condition itself and more on the body that it afflicts.#so i put it into a spotlight.#ironic i know since very little people acknowledge this irl or even know it exists at all but i added rim lighting. I added color gradients#I colored the lineart and made it all fancy and even added a flare for the head to get the point across that even at its core; disability i#a performance. this is not implying that disabilities are fake in fact this is the opposite of that. i wanted to show that with disabilitie#especially i think in my personal opinion the invisible ones#we are all masking at least a little bit during the vast majority of the day. humans are social creatures and it is only when we are alone#or with someone we deeply trust where we allow ourselves to be who we truly are without fear and even then that can be rare#so i wanted to show this bit of the soul in as broad a limelight as i could. idk this is a really abstract piece and i dont know if anyone#will even get it but it matters to me at least. and even though we've been largely bedridden for the past week i think that's okay#we will get it figured out. all of us. okay? okay. i love you. i fucking love you. we are going to fucking make it#(also the xes over the eyes are because i thought they looked cool they have no deeper meaning at least i think they dont#actually i think they do but i cant put it into words idk. Art is subjective assign your own meaning i'm gonna go get a shower)
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Rewatching the 2018 animated Hellblazer movie 'City of Demons' and tbh it probably is the best non-comic way to get into Hellblazer... It's an adaptation of Hellblazer graphic novel All his engines even...
The movie changes some things which serve to make it a good jumping in point, since it includes the Newcastle incident and other stuff about John's backstory. They also made the choice to add a trippy bar-bathroom sex scene presumably to hit the acid trip of an sex scene quota that's required for Hellblazer, (which I approve of)
Overall just a very good introduction to Hellblazer John's character and the tone of the comic
god, the amount of times he falls on his face in various bodily fluids he gotta reek terrible by the end of this
#hellblazer#john constantine#alsothe amount of time john spends on his face#falling down and/or covered in gunk#what a wet cat of a person#admittedly there is very little yelling about politics for a hellblazer story but eh
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More of this fuckass outfit.
#moe tag#i'm trying to focus on like. stuff that's already in the works. while i wait for my sketchbooks.#but also today idk what happened it's like. sometimes. the gunk hits me all at once.#like ohhhhhhhhh. society at large and more importantly a lot of my immediate family doesn't see me or respect me as a person.#okay! 👍 yay..... ��#well. nothing to do about it but draw moe in the most fucked up outfit ever. huge fan of this look#now if you'll excuse me i'll be taking damage in the corner now. okay. goodbye.#LIKE OKAY talking my shit but like i just feel really dysphoric?????? for literally no reason.#and i've just been dying badly all day.#idk what i want to do now. i feel so shitty.#man.#my art
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a story in 2 parts
(please stop and think "would someone scrolling this tag want to see this?" before tagging irrelevant shit. way too many posts in wyll's tag dont even mention him, and all of us are sick to bastard death of it)
#andsufferitssting's reply is deleted but. based off their username and also i see them in the tag all the time.#im sure we can come to the conclusion that they were also annoyed at seeing this in a certain highlighted tag#also. did that person forget there are female companions as well?#the way they wrote that implies they tagged all the companions but. like. where are the women?#i mean. good for the girlies that they didnt also get their tags gunked. but c'mon#the good news is that ive blocked enough ast***** x t*v writers who tagspam that i dont see that too often anymore#and. my god. has my blocklist lengthened with people who tag character hate#at least that person's post isnt negative. just annoying
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I would love a chunk-funk-gunk rating of any seal of your choice!
Today on CHUNK! FUNK! GUNK! We rate
the HARBOR SEAL:
10/10 Chunk
4/10 Funk
0/10 Gunk
HARBOR SEALS!! My personal favorites, since one of my favorite stuffed animals when I was little was a harbor seal bought from a gift shop at a harbor. Seals are very funky animals in general, but if I rate them on a scale of ‘general funkiness’ or ‘funkiness for a SEAL’, then the values are different. Harbor seals aren’t the most unique or interesting seals, but they are cute and spotted. Chunk is self explanatory. Look at them. High chunk. Very dry little guys, no gunk.
#chunk funk gunk#chunk#funk#gunk#harbor seal#seal#ocean mammals#marine mammals#rotund#I love seals they’re all so cute#I’m the kind of person who sees a seal pop its head up out of the water and starting squealing and clapping#asks open#ocean#ocean animals#I think this is our first mammal that has been rated
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What's the fic about? 👀
Thematically? Overarchingly? It's about how being a bigger person often solves nothing and sometimes to solve your immediate problems you need to Get Worse.
#really it's just my personal horrorshow I went through early last year prismatically shifted through the lens of fiction#so I can clear the last of the gunk#a lot of petty interpersonal bullshit and complaining in cafés#askertorte
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Purrcy still has an ear infection 😫 If it doesn't clear up, we're looking at treating for environmental or food allergies. So everyone keep your fingers and toes crossed that these ear drops and saline solution will help.
#personal#they said it looked better but still infection and full of gunk. UUGHGHHG#she hates me cleaning her ears and she hates the ear drops
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Shaking crying at the thought of having to make my protagonist actually flawed at the beginning of this story
#he was a bad partner and selfish person bc he was in his trauma#but in my head hes always the most sweet and special boy#yes girl we will get there w him but he has so much gunk rn its ok
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trying to reorganise my shrine - current collection of shuu merch
#Old friend and bab mothman cameo in the back !#gunk#Shuu merch#personal shuu merch collection#Shuu merch collection#shuucore#shuu gunk#shuu tsukiyama#tg gunk#Tokyo ghoul merch#Shuu shrine#wip
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"i'm not disabled" followed immediately by "i've got bad knees and a bad back" is certainly something to read 🤨 you know it doesn't have to be cripling for it to count, right...? it's not normal to be in pain after 15 minutes of standing. ableds can stand for, like, an hour at a time before they need to sit.
i know! i appreciate the concern, but i uh. dunno lol. genuinely i don't know. but i included the afaik ("i'm not disabled afaik" was the original phrase, though i'm not like mad at you for excluding it or anything) because i'm well aware that it's a possibility. it's hard to explain but there's a lot of little things that don't add up to much but are like. noticeable. like i would prefer to do most things sitting, if i could, as a matter of comfort. it would be easier for me. and walking isn't as bad as just standing. i've never been great at taking care of my body, and this has only gotten worse with time. it's hard for me to know what i should read as necessity and what i should read as preference, and how much weight to put on said preferences. like you said, i know it doesn't need to be "if i don't sit down i'm going to collapse" or anything, but where to draw that line between Definitely A Medical Thing That Affects Me More Than Other People and.. not that, i'm not sure. i kinda just thought i was a persistently slightly tired and low energy person, but it doesn't seem bad enough to be chronic fatigue, so...? is it related to the half-diagnosed. idk it's complicated depression (and yes in hindsight i probably should've counted that as disabling but whatever)? idk it's not a rabbit hole i've explored much at all is my point. but i know it's there and uh i guess this was sort of validating in a way anon so.. yeah? yeah👍
#also in reference to the pain after 15 mins of standing thing it's.. usually closer to discomfort than pain? but it's not Not pain either#it's often more like 'oh i should sit down. i wanna sit down. i should sit down' and it's not that frequent but it's like a status effect#and the frequent reminders are only after like 20-30 minutes#sometimes i don't even notice it and sometimes (if i'm bored lol) i'll notice it a Lot#this is not helped by my body being.. iffy at telling me what's going on. it's always too much or too little input with this guy#ahh that rascal. anyway#listen anon 1) uh sorry for going off like this idk if that's like. socially appropriate or whatever but i'm doing it anyway 2) if you've#got ideas i'm all ears. like off the top of your head not like. im not asking you to do research for an internet stranger ok#plus it feels weird saying i could be disabled when i have no idea what it would even be. i mean i think i'd believe someone else if they#said that but it's a classic rules for me and not for thee situation. still working on that#point is i got brain gunk for sure i just don't know how much of the body gunk is because of the brain gunk or smth else#like the possibly-probably autism definitely affects me physically i just don't know exactly what to do with that information#like. am i exhausted bc i'm overstimulated? is it the burn out? or is that a separate thing? or are they working together? etc#anyway yeah got caught vagueposting about my symptoms here's the deep dive no one wanted. for self indulgence purposes :v#no but i think about it a lot with posts like this bc i mean. would an able bodied person react THAT strongly to finding out shower stools#exist? probably not. but who knows for certain#....coming to the conclusion of. probably. maybe. but in what ways specifically? uh. i dunno. i just got them heavy limbs#might be a thyroid issue now that im looking into it. but again this is Not my area of expertise
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I will never learn
#twice a year i go essentially deaf in one ear due to ear wax plugging it up completely#i knew for over a week that it was imminent#today it actually happened#guess when i called my doctor for it? today#now i will be hard of hearing until tuesday and it's all my own personal fault rip#my whack ass tiny ear canals can't handle their gunk
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the “we’re acquainted” reason i keep my nails so short is that the way i do art breaks nails anyway
the “we’re friends” reason i keep my nails so short is to avoid breaking any skin in pussies or buttholes i put them in
both of those are true! however, there’s also a third, even deeper reason: autism sensory badness. whenever gunk gets stuck under my nails it feels so gross it makes me wanna chop the entire finger off
#personal#like it makes me entire body crawl.#i can’t explain how much i hate it#like when the gunk presses against my fingertip under the nail?? urggfggsfsgg#writing this post made me slightly nauseous
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Homesick for arms that DID hold me but. At what cost.
#i'll be normal again soon i promise. right now i just got that viscous vile ooze in me.#the gunk. it's like. venom. but not even gay. it's juust a toxic slutch that wants me dead.#also if it wasn't fucking clear. homesick for someone who might have loved me sure i mean we were family#but like. well fast forward several years now i just have all these really intense completely one sided feelings#that like. i just have nothing to actually Do with them. you're not a bad person i just think you suck ass.#we live in completely different worlds and lead completely different lives. also.#not a single thing in common. beyond blood.#but like Man. why do i have one million complexes about it. esp when like. there's no hope here.#like why do i even care this much about someone who really. does not give like a tenth of that energy.#why did i just. internalize everything forever. why did i make it my burdern to bear.#why am i still bearing it.
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i hate feeling greasy but for some reason getting in the shower is sooo hard sometimes. like its so much work just to get clean. i want to just snap my fingers and have it be over with
#personal#i know from experience that if i put it off i end up feeling worse and start down a depression spiral (yay high school!)#so i gotta just do it. but my stupid ass brain is like ugh but that sounds hard. i dont like doing hard things. lets just not do it then#story of my life btw. if its hard im not gonna do it 😭 f my stupid baka life#i just get so tired so easily these days it just feels pathetic. like wow im exhausted from a fucking shower?#i know i literally have a disability but my brain is so mean to me :-(#i need to like. take it out and rinse off all the gunk.
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