#perfectly fine and comfortable around visibly gay people

[pariaritzia]

Queerness in Indian Media

↳Television: THE FAME GAME (2022, Hindi) dir. SRI RAO

While the main plot of The Fame Game follows the mystery around the disappearance of famous actress Anamika Anand (Madhuri Dixit), there is a subplot about Anamika's son, Avinash (Lakshvir Saran) coming to terms with being gay, most specifically with having feelings for his best friend since childhood, Samar (Danish Sood). He is deeply uncomfortable with his sexuality and attempts a few drastic measures to "fix" the situation, but ultimately he is able to accept himself and confess his feelings to his friend. As a bonus, Anamika is fully accepting of her son's sexuality and encourages him to tell his friend how he feels.

The actress Madhuri Dixit has been in multiple gay and gay-coded media, both as a supportive character and as the gay character herself. She has also been supportive in real life of the LGBTQ community.

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 1 “FartsApp” [Episode List] Since he’s a gassy nerd, Dave teases his friend Tim via WhatsApp by sending him a series of short videos of him farting.

FartsApp

Being gay with a fart fetish is really hard sometimes.

For me at least.

While the world is definitely getting more open-minded about homosexuality, I can’t really force it to accept this weird fetish (to be honest, all fetishes are kinda treated like taboos, regardless of the sexuality involved). I had to settle for YouTube videos or websites devoted to this whole fart-sniffing thing; not that I’m complaining: it was good to discover that so many people actually had this fetish.

Cue Dave. Well, sort of, actually. He doesn’t have a fart fetish and he’s not even gay. Dave has been my best friend since forever. Unlike me, however, he’s straight and is currently dating some (lucky) girl.

Around my age, he’s like a brother to me, and we’re actually well-known because of how much time we always spend with each other.

Dave is a great guy, a great friend, very open-minded and, dare to say it, actually quite hot.

Not surprisingly, being the brother I never had, he’s the first friend I came out to, the only one who knows about my homosexuality. Actually, it’s not like I told him… he found out on his own, in the worst possible way (for me).

During one of our nerdy game-nights, being “that one gassy friend”, Dave started to rip -as usual- tons of farts, fueled by some junk food, until he ripped one directly in my face (and boy it was amazing…). Everything went downhill from there… kinda. For some reason or another… he just accepted all at once not only my homosexuality, but also the fact that I found face-farting… hot. He just laughed about it and honestly gave me some encouraging words about my peculiar situation, proving that he’s indeed the best friend ever. Oh… and he also literally farted for me after that, in my face, letting me sniff and enjoy his amazing rips; he can also fart on command apparently: got a taste of his talent that same night.

That one, surreal night.

I still can’t believe it happened.

Felt like a confused dream. Like one of those nights where you drink too much so you don’t clearly remember what happened. But it was all true.

Dave, my best friend, was perfectly fine with me, my fetish, and all this weird stuff.

Yes: I know how lucky I am.

It’s been 4 months since he found out.

And, believe it or not, I’m getting face-farted so often that I’m almost forgetting how beautiful it feels.

Seriously: Dave simply accepted it like I’m living in someone’s crazy fetish dream and, when we’re alone, he just casually farts in my face (without me asking for it). Not always, but very often.

Surprisingly enough, despite the fact that my nose spends a lot of time brushing against his denim-covered butt, our friendship didn’t change at all though: we still hang out with the rest of our friends and generally spend a lot of time together.

Sometimes I’m so in disbelief about how easy-going he’s been with me, that I randomly ask him “You sure you’re OK with… this?” (I say, gesturing all of me), but he just smiles or rolls his eyes annoyed, tired of hearing the same question over and over again. What can I say? He’s perfectly comfortable with his own sexuality I guess, so he doesn’t have any problem with my fetish.

Sometimes though -sorry I say this- I kinda wish he did…

No, I’m definitely not complaining. That’s the best possible scenario for me, but sometimes he can get a bit too… inopportune. Dave is not really a prankster, but he loves teasing his friends, just for fun, including me.

I was in the middle of an important exam once, one of these pop-quiz thingies that make zero sense, and I felt my phone vibrate. I checked my FB private messages and all I saw was this YouTube link sent by Dave. Since I’m a fool apparently, I clicked on it, and one of those popular YouTube fart videos popped up and played, one with really loud farts. The first fart actually echoed in the room and other students glared at me: never felt so embarrassed (not including the night Dave found out about my fetish).

“Dude! Stop sending me this stuff!” I texted him. “I’m in the middle of an exam here!”

I scolded him for this, but the truth is that I couldn’t ask for a friend more open-minded than him.

The fact that he teases him with fart videos like he teases our heterosexual friends with those “shock” porn pics made me feel more… accepted.

But still… I was in the middle of an important exam so he had to stop.

And he obviously didn’t.

He sent me like 10 other links, just to annoy the sh%t out of me.

I mocked him by texting something like “Those videos are quite hard to find. Guess you’re gay too then!” but he would reply with “I had a great teacher!” and send me one of my awkward photos from Facebook.

Other times, since our friendship didn’t change a bit, he even made random references to my homosexuality or even my fart fetish when messaging me to make plans for the night (especially during the weekend). This mostly happens on WhatsApp:

Dave: “Dude, you have to come with us. Stop being a whiny little bi*ch and get up from that couch!”

Tim: “Sorry, man. I don’t think I’ll be joining you tonight…”

Dave: “You know what? If you don’t come with us… you’re gay!”

Dave: “Sorry, I mean… if you don’t come with us, you’re a fuc*ing heterosexual!

Dave: "U ride pussy, don’t you? Fuc*ing straight people!”

He was obviously being sarcastic, but I just loved how he adapted his… uhm… “humor” to my situation.

One time, however, things got a bit… hotter for me…

Dave: “Dude, come over. We have a lot to study…”

Tim: “Sorry, really can’t today. Aren’t you with Dana right now anyway?”

Dave: “I need somebody to focus with, not focus on. You know me and Dana always end up in bed after like 20 minutes.”

Dave: “It’s awesome but this stuff ain’t gonna study itself…”

Yep. Dave and his girlfriend Dana apparently had a very active sex life.

Glad he was getting laid. And Dana was pretty cool to be honest.

Tim: “Dave, sorry. Maybe tomorrow, k?”

Dave: “Dude! Come on! I’m farting like crazy today!”

Did… did he just try to “bribe” me using his farting abilities?

Dave: “Seriously. I just ripped one that was like 10 seconds long. What a waste of farts!”

Tim: “Dave… are you crazy?”

Took a couple of minutes to reply to that one, and then I got two messages at once.

Dave: “Oh yessss, Tim, crazy for youuuuuu!” he wrote, with a heart emoticon at the end (again, he’s a sassy bi*ch as usual).

I then saw that WhatsApp was loading a video sent by him, an actual video, not a link.

It was Dave, a smirk drawn on his face while staring at the camera. He was wearing a simple black shirt. The view soon moved and I saw his slightly sagging-butt in jeans sitting on a wooden chair, and then heard this big fart echoing in his living room (he was alone), rumbling loudly and hard on the wooden surface. He even turned the camera to his face while he was forcing the “classic”-sounding fart out, making funny facial expressions; indeed, the fart lasted almost 10 seconds, and I obviously loved that: biggest farts I’ve ever heard from him in awhile! It was like watching those funny fartvines on… well… Vine, but having my best friend as the funny/hot farter this time.

Dave: “Hope that convinced you…” he then texted.

I was kinda… “offended” by that last message.

I mean, yeah, I seriously wanted to be there, but I always love spending time with Dave, farts or not (that’s why we’ve been friends since… forever).

Tim: “Are you seriously using farts to buy my friendship? It’s not like I don’t want to study with you. I just can’t today!”

Was that too harsh? Should I have added a smiley face at the end?

Only thing I was sure of, is that I never thought that a sentence like that would even make sense someday.

And I was still bewildered by how Dave was so comfortable with the fact that I loved farts.

Tim: “You don’t need farts to convince me, Dave. More like… you’re making me suffer!” I joked, finally breaking the ice myself with a reference to my embarrassing fetish, proving that I indeed wanted to be there with him, enjoying those farts.

Another couple of minutes passed.

Was he making another…?

Dave: “I know you’re suffering, Tim. Don’t worry. That’s why I’m sending you this.”

Oh boy, another video. Should I play it? Was he aware that I was getting a boner from all of this?

I literally pitched a tent in my pants.

There… it’s Dave again, this time sitting on the couch. The video started with his face winking at the camera with a sly smile; the camera then moved between his legs and slowly panned towards his butt in loose jeans (he probably put his legs on the small table in front of his couch, to make his butt more visible). Now I had a rather unique (and hot -for me) view of both his butt (and part of his crotch) in jeans and his face. He grinned wildly and the fart began, ripped right in front of the phone. The sound and the views were perfect; Dave moved the camera towards his butt as the fart kept going strong, sounding like a deep trumpet; I could see the detailed blue fabric of his jeans as the funny sounds continued. What a lucky phone!

It lasted around 8 seconds and it was simply the hotness.

The video ended with Dave laughing at the camera and all went pitch black.

Tim: “You’re insane, Dave!” I joked again, enjoying how crazy he was about this. And for me I guess.

But I had to tell him.

Tim: “Dave, you do know that all of this gave me a… well…”

But as I was halfheartedly writing the second part of the message, Dave wrote more stuff.

Dave: “Then go beat your meat! I can’t do everything for you, Tim.”

Dave: “And please don’t act like this is some kind of big deal…

Dave: "Wow, Tim got a boner! How impressive!”

Dave: “Let’s all bow to Tim, the mighty guy whose penis can turn bigger!”

Dave: “Behold, the Great Tim! The guy who once had a boner and had to tell everyone!”

Further proof that Dave was being the best friend ever.

He was clearly being sarcastic; he was joking. That was his way of telling me “Nah bro, it’s all good”. And I was kinda surprised that he was so… chill about this stuff. I literally had a boner because of him and he just… didn’t care. As I said, he’s very open minded and perfectly comfortable with his own sexuality, so he didn’t have the irrational fear of “turning gay” when doing this stuff with and for me. I also appreciated that he trusted me with those funny, but otherwise embarrassing videos.

After one or two minutes, I’ve received one big audio file and I just knew what I was going to get when I clicked the triangular-shaped button to play them.

I heard Dave singing my name like he was some kind of serial killer trying to find me.

Dave: “Tim… come here…”

I then heard a series of muffled noises, as if the camera was being put under something, and it was clear what: I in fact then heard the loud, audio-glitching sound of one big fart that lasted around four seconds.

Dave: “He’s waiting for you…” he sung again in that creepy tone of voice.

Another fart, just as big as the first one.

He was on fire that day!

Now I was both laughing like an idiot and having the biggest boner.

Tim: “Dude, you’re on fire! But… to be honest, that was kinda gay…” I chuckled.

Dave: “Says the guy who gets a boner when he hears a fart. You fuc*ing hypocrite.”

He then sent yet another audio file, with him singing that meme-song “I’m gay, gay, gay, I love long big c*cks”, but slightly changing the lyrics. He even put a karaoke version of it on his computer while recording the audio file.

Dave: “You are gay, gay gay, you love long big farts. ‘cuz you’re supah-super gay, and you love big…”

Fittingly enough, a huge fart from my best friend took over the last part of the song. Loud as usual, sounding like a deep chainsaw. I could just imagine how beautiful that was. But the best part was probably the fact that he was definitely farting for me. I know, not your usual “hot sexy” scenario… more like a “sweet” one, in a very twisted way of course.

I wasn’t obviously offended by that “gay song”, since I knew that Dave was just being silly as usual and his mocking words were definitely not mean-spirited.

Tim: “Aren’t you supposed to be studying right now?” I asked.

Dave: “I don’t know, aren’t you supposed to be here right now?”

Tim: “Dude, seriously. Thank you! But I’m serious… I really can’t today.”

Dave: “Alright… alright… cya tonight faggot…” he wrote, with a heart-shaped emoticon at the end.

I just rolled my eyes and chuckled a bit, then drove my attention to my own books.

This was going to be a long afternoon. But after only one minute of silence, my phone vibrated wildly: it was Dave and he was calling me. Very unusual in that moment.

“Uhm… Dave? Hello?” I picked up.

I was greeted by a series of “Dude, sorry!” and I was really confused.

“Dave… what?”

It was just Dave being adorkable I guess.

“Dude, sorry about that 'faggot'… that was bit too much, sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

I laughed in disbelief. “Bro, it’s OK. I’m not offended. I know you didn’t want to insult me or anything…”

“No, Tim. That one word is not a joke and I shouldn’t have used it, sorry.”

I was just… wow. Dave went from “dominant friendly farter” to “adorable/awkward confused puppy” in mere seconds. Further proof that I was the luckiest guy alive (fetish or not): Dave cared so much for me that he even apologized for the “f-word”, which admittedly is a very bad word for a guy like me. But this time it was coming from Dave, my best friend, a guy who cares so much about me that he would even “censor” his language just to avoid unfortunate implications.

Ironically enough, the roles were switched, and he was the one saying a rapid-fire series of “sorry!” this time.

“Dave, quit with the apologizing. You’re the best.” I chuckled. “We’re bros, that’s what we do: we insult each other!”

“Alright… you sure? Not going to use that word ever again though.”

“Dave… it’s OK. You’re the best.”

“OK… OK. See you tonight. Take care.”

And he hang up.

He just wanted to make sure that he didn’t accidentally offend me by calling me a ��fag”.

I would have been, if it wasn’t coming from Dave.

But then again, he also said that he was going to kick in the face whoever dared to insult me.

And he said that before he found out the truth about me: he’s always been quite protective.

“Oh come on!” I shouted, almost annoyed, merely five minutes later, when I heard the phone vibrate one more time.

It was Dave. Again.

He sent another video.

I tried to scoff at it but I was obviously loving all of this instead.

He was lying on the couch, the camera focusing on his butt in jeans. I could see both his face and butt, at the same time. It was like he filmed the video imagining my POV when he farted in my face, and I absolutely enjoyed that.

“Alright, Tim… Sorry for calling you a faggot.” he spoke in a “comically” serious voice. He truly was “sorry”, but it was clear that he was trying not to laugh. “I’m really, really sorry, believe me.”

Keeping a straight face, he ripped an incredibly loud, deep fart at the camera. He didn’t bat an eye, blink or smile. He eventually lost it towards the end of that 6-seconds long blast. He chuckled a bit and then turned “serious” again.

“That was a sad fart… we’re both sorry.”

He then closed his eyes and made a funny face, signing in relief as he ripped another long fart, the lucky camera slowly panning towards the seams and textures of the blue denim covering his powerful sagging butt. It lasted almost 10 seconds: truly a fart master. And those weren’t even on command!

“Oh my…” I whispered, staring in awe at the amazing video.

“This one was on the house…” he chuckled, right before turning the phone to his butt one last time and ripping a short series of toots, grinning wildly, clearly forcing those smaller farts out just for me. And that was it.

My boner was definitely wet now as bits of that well-known white substance poured from the tip of of my “standing” dick, slightly dampening my boxers and pants. It was like a volcano going to explode. A volcano that, just like me, couldn’t take it anymore. I rushed to the bathroom and furiously beat my meat, almost strangling my rock-hard penis with a firm grip. I didn’t last much: I literally peed sperm, thinking of Dave’s farts. The best part is that I didn’t need to imagine anything: it was all real. I laughed in relief just as I felt my penis deflating like a balloon, after it vomited its white substance. It felt good, not “masturbation good”, like “life is good”. And it was.

My best friend, Dave, was this fantastic guy who, in his own, twisted way, was taking care of me, accepting me, making me comfortable with my fart fetish. A gassy, open-minded, mildly disgusting “bro” who only wanted to preserve our friendship.

And I couldn’t be happier.

End of Episode 1

[transsexualhamlet]

asmr i psychoanalyze hide for fun

a lot of these are just stupid headcanons but a lot are also how i feel that’s just the way he is so

I know no one will read this it’s so very long but hello he’s my comfort character

(the words are under the cut bc THERE ARE SO MANY WORDS)

thoughts: It’s funny because most of the characters that I really love are just fucking idiots. So stupid. No thoughts head empty. And like at first glance you’d think the same with Hide, he’s got the look of a real dumbass, but he’s actually a really smart person? He just kind of, hides it. He did say he was like allergic to books once (it’s the adhd, king) but that doesn’t change the fact that he emotionally is actually a very intelligent person. It’s something he’s humble about because I don’t believe he really identifies with the intellectual crowd or sees himself as particularly above average, he just finds it easy to understand things. And he doesn’t ever use it for his own advantage even when it would be totally fine to do so, he pretty much always uses it to help other people and I think he believes if he used his strengths to help himself it would be, like, selfish. Which is a problem of his.

gemder n brand of gay: A lot of people in yonder Fandom like to see kaneki as bi and hide as gay but nah fam you’re off. Honestly I do not care about his Date With Rize in the slightest, that man is a homosexual. Hide is the bi one. (it’s not like this is a requirement or anything lmao i am just Saying also i’m bi and i’m projecting) I can also say with confidence that date with Rize was the only date Kaneki’s ever been on and he was definitely lying to himself. (i just, don’t know how you could look at Haise specifically and for one second think he has ever seen a boob) Hide’s the one who’s probably dated people before and he actually knows what’s attractive, he probably just doesn’t discuss that a lot with Kaneki since the bitch is Closeted and hide knows this. It’s funny because Hide canonically has two dads. Like I think that kind of explains him tbh. Bitch has good parents??? He’s the only one but we love him for it. U know Kaneki spent more of his life at Hide’s house than his own.

And as to gender, like obviously hide’s a guy, but i think he’s one of the few cisgenders who could like... tell you why. He’s well versed in those kinds of issues and has just thought about it a lot I guess? He’s comfortable in his skin and with a conventionally masculine appearance but he could tell you what Boy TM means other than yo macho man dude bro guy

personality type- ENFP-T: I took the fucking test for him and it was like... so easy. Took me ten minutes. 

basically what this means is it just calls him out as a fucken loud ass sunshine boy who has very many emotion and cares way too much about his friend

love how this part of the description describes kaneki and hide perfectly

biggest strength: he’s so good at helping people?? Like I can honestly say if some random person started rambling about their relationship issues to him I’d give him 10 minutes before he had a perfect solution, he had the person crying and being comforted in just the right way. He’s the perfect medium of confident and caring and he’s not just a fucking ray of sunshine on accident, he’s like, mob psycho 100 style actively working to be nice and compassionate. He’s very aware of how his actions affect people and he always knows just the right thing to say, what to do, when to just let things go or when to say them. And Hide will forgive, literally anything, even if someone does something really shitty to him he’ll realize it’s the product of like, unresolved mental issues or something and seek to fix it instead of cutting the person off. It’s... really good for everyone around him. But well,,, not great for him, see below.

biggest weakness: bitch does nOT leave room for himself. Although he is generally a confident person and isn’t very insecure, he knows he’s giving too much of himself and simply ‘pretend i do not see it but in reality i do’. He’s never put himself first and feels more worthy when he makes someone else happy, and it’s really not that visible but it can take a pretty big toll on him. He’ll feel anger and frustration for his problems but eventually he will end up blaming himself for anything that goes wrong and will just resolve to Try Harder. (which, mood) He does problem solve well and he tries to come up with the best solutions to issues but the fact is he just does not prioritize his own happiness within those solutions. He gives too much and it’s fucking killing him.

what he likes most about himself: Although he does have issues obviously, I don’t see Hide as someone who has particularly low esteem of himself. I think he pretty much thinks he has himself figured out and therefore other people’s problems come first. He generally does, think fondly of himself, because most of the time he can fix people’s problems so he’s yknow, a good person. I think he likes his ability to enjoy life and live in the moment, and he likes his connections and friendships with other people. He values emotional connection and he likes that he can easily create and enjoy good vibes. He loves being the one who everyone just... goes to for a good time.

favorite things: I think I heard somewhere that he enjoys dumb american bands without really understanding what they’re saying which seems very on brand for him, but I’m gonna perscribe him some other stuff too. Obviously he likes bright colors and comic books, and places where he can have fun with other people. He generally likes college, even though it’s like, school, and unlike kaneki he actually had a good childhood and he enjoys the places he spent time and formed good memories, he has Nostalgia TM (see unbelievable by owl city hmmm he vibes to that he was born in 1996 or something right i can’t google things) he also just really likes to just, fix other people’s problems but we’ve covered that. 

what he’s doing right and what he’s doing wrong: Hide is doing his best. He’s no less flawed than any of the other characters in tokyo ghoul, it’s just that his strategies tend to involve 100% less murder. Ok no, let me rephrase that, Hide is flawed, but i meant like emotionally, he’s not a war criminal like everyone else. He may seem at first glance like, just, perfect? Sorry for being a simp lmao but I feel like from the outside he’s just got it all together right? He knows what he’s doing and he’s super nice and helpful and smart and humble and just doesn’t have any visible flaws? He... tends to hide any evidence that he would ever be struggling. And that’s not very sexy of him. He feels it would be a burden on others to show pain or ever say he can’t take something on (if someone asked him to do something he’d do it even if he was already mentally at capacity etc) and that’s something he needs to work on. The good thing is that if they got to a point where after Kaneki’s Character Development they got to just... like, be happy and not be separated and everything Kaneki would be good for him because he compliments that. Hide helps him because he needs a lot of like, mental counseling lmao but now that Kaneki’s gone through a lot of that his eyes have been opened more to the fact that Hide hides his problems from Kaneki so if they could just bE HAPPY this is an issue that could be resolved

insecurities: I think Hide kind of believes he’s not allowed to be sad. Cause it’s like, not his job. He’s the source of happiness for everyone else, supposed to have everything together so he can fix everyone else’s problems. he’s not allowed to be in pain or feel bad for himself even though he knows “Boys Can Cry” it’s like, yes boys can cry, not me tho haha lmao it’s not about his masculinity it’s just he’s like “yeah but kaneki’s had it worse” so like if he finds himself in a bad place, he feels inadequate and like... fundametally broken. and it’s. Like. I felt that but also like king that’s not how it works

goal in life: I think he wouldn’t really be able to answer that question. What the truth would be is that he probably wants to do something grand and important that helps a lot of people and kind of changes the world. But he might not really think of it that way, since he’s usually focused more on smaller more isolated issues and he has no idea what he wants to do as a career. He admires activists and people who put themselves at risk but it probably makes him feel inferior that someone else is Doing Something About This Big Problem and he’s just sitting there riding around on his bisexual bike and being in college. (I’d like to say he’s probably changed majors at least a few times,,, that man was like “oh yeah lmao i’m gonna be a comic book artist” but someone said something about how he’s a good therapist and he’s like “brb kinshift i am now a psychology major” lmao.) (hello i am projecting but i’m right) He sees a tumblr post about some issue somewhere and he hyperfixates on it for days until he sees another post about something worse it’s an issue. But I think what he ended up doing was what he wanted to, even if he never recieved any recognition for it the internal sense that he was doing something Right TM in the eyes of history would probably make him cry

how he was raised: I can’t really say much to this because there’s barely any canon on this and the canon that does exist I have completely ignored other than the fact that he has two dads. Bro tbh? He didn’t need any tragic emo backstory I think he had a great childhood. Honestly he’s probably a rich kid. Not super rich but he’s not struggling man. Not gonna lie to you I think the only reason he went to Kamii was because he wanted to be at the same college as Kaneki who probably got a scholarship. Hide, didn’t. (it’s not like he’s not intelligent but I don’t really think that his grades are his biggest priority, the only time he ever pays attention in class is to give kaneki the answers when he’s gone) 

What irks me about the random lore drop in the last chapter about him having a CCG dad that died or whatever- it kind of ruins the whole point for me. Personally I choose to believe he had nothing whatsoever to do with ghouls or the ccg before all that happened to Kaneki. He probably had correct opinions on them, but only like, in theory, it’s like straight people that are like “yeah ofc gay ppl valid” but they’ve never really had any personal experience with any. So when he gets involved in that- the fact is that the only reason he was... was bc of kaneki. It was never more complicated than that to me. YKNOW, SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST, NICE, OK? 

And I think for me that the fact that he could actively choose to be nice and be aware of all these problems when he’s practically got every advantage in life is a lot more important. He didn’t have to be poor or have a dead parent or have a shitty childhood for him to be really genuinely good. I don’t think he’s ever been bullied or anything, but he can still be aware that it sucks to be bullied. I think he was just... raised right. I think his dads are probably pretty fucking baller for him to be such a bro. They taught him the right shit.

General philosophy: Hide is one of the only people in the series for whom the dynamics of right and wrong are not hard to understand. He’s never been required to pick up a weapon or actually truly fight in the CCG, he’s never been really mean to anyone. Of course I can say he’s probably decked a few ppl that made fun of Kaneki in middle school, but haven’t we all. The thing is that though he’s never suffered at the hands of others, everything that’s hurt him he’s gone in fully consenting to it- he can still understand and forgive what everyone else has done. Like bro he’s the literal only one around who’s not like a literal war criminal, but he’s not going to think he’s better because of it, because he understands that if he had been in their circumstances he couldn’t say how he would have turned out. 

That’s why I think it’s so important that he never really had a bad childhood- he’s not better than them for turning out without any blood on his hands, because he was never required to. And he knows that and he goes through every day with all these people who have and is conscious of it. He can’t ever say he’s incapable of hurting other people, because he would have said that about Kaneki before all of it happened. So he’s quite politically correct compared to Kaneki and the others but he doesn’t see things that way.

relationship bullshit: i mean bro i know this is a serious post about like psychological and emotional things but i felt the need to discuss whY does everyone write hide as a bottom I mean like sure he’d bottom if his partner was a top but this is simply not the case with kaneki look at him. Hide. Service top. I rest my case. The man’s the biggest switch ever but when he’s a top he’s a nice top. I think Kaneki needs that to be perfectly honest. He really likes to take care of people. Also kind of off topic but his love language is quality time he just wants to play video games wit da homies and he might fall in love a bit

I find it genuinely funny how much i cannot get away from the tentacle porn on the god forsaken archive of our own just looking at the tags i already know it’s so out of character haitoheoihesdsdsa and don’t get me started on the vore

how kaneki sees him vs how he actually is: One of the biggest problems in kaneki and hide’s relationship is how in the beginning, Kaneki didn’t really understand at all that Hide could be hiding anything from him. Kaneki’s not good at picking up clues like that in general, but the fact that he was hiding so much himself didn’t help at all. Hide gives off the vibe of someone who has no inhibitions and shows every side of himself without hesitation, and Kaneki really does idolize that. He didn’t realize that Hide could possibly be suffering or imperfect compared to his vision. He sees Hide as practically an angel, and that’s exactly how Hide wants Kaneki to see him, because he doesn’t want to burden Kaneki with his own problems since he believes they’re not as important and they would make Kaneki sad. Kaneki knew Hide wasn’t as oblivious as he seemed, but he didn’t really understand what that meant until too late. The good thing about Kaneki’s character development though is that it then helps Kaneki understand that Hide was suffering because of him and he didn’t want Hide to hide it anymore (lmao). If they’d only executed that point well that could have been really good but well that’s what fanfic is for

how he sees kaneki vs how kaneki actually is: This one’s a lot more difficult, because well. Hide’s very good at knowing exactly how people are in their hearts, compared to Kaneki. But there are definitely some things that he’s not super up on. He wasn’t around for a lot of Kaneki’s development, so most of the time I think he still believes Kaneki doesn’t want to see his pain, which is, simply incorrect, Kaneki would obviously not be happy to hear it but it would tear him up inside to realize he’s been oblivious to it the whole time. He’s grown a lot more mature since he spent most of his time with Hide, and I really think Hide could benefit from being able to open up to Kaneki the way he is now. And well. I think his biggest misconception has to be that Kaneki enjoyed women lmao

the most him thing i’ve ever done: listening to a happy upbeat song and visibly bopping while also uncontrollably sobbing

miscellaneous headcanons: 

-he’s a morning person lmao. Motherfucker gets up at 6 AM and Kaneki is like PL EA SE NO

-what he finds attractive is like. twinks and girls with hair in colors that don’t exist and ppl who don’t know what gender is

-He likes Imagine Dragons lmao you can see by the next point

-his coping mechanisms are mostly music and other people tbh he’s like “oh i am having emotions? disgusting” *goes to a party*

-he plays dnd and he mains a warlock i don’t make the rules

-he doesn’t look like someone who would do that shit but he probably knows how to use tarot cards

-idk how but that motherfucker is so neurodivergent i can smell the hyperempathy on him look at that man he has so much adhd

-he’s fully aware that his fashion sense is terrible and continues to wear more and more ridiculous clothes to piss kaneki off

-this man has tungle dot fuck. Look at him. His url is probably something along the lines of my ao3 username lmao

-he can see the forbidden shrimp colors smh

-this bitch likes mob psycho 100 and the promised neverland, kaneki keeps telling him to watch death note and he’s just like n   o hhsdfhhfdshdfshdfs he probably kins tpn emma

-he doesn’t know how to drive lmao he bikes everywhere and he lives in tokyo

-i am once again thinking about how he was in a play with kaneki and kaneki was the main character and he was the spicy side character that’s not a headcanon just. that

songs that are, him: 

-Stand By You (Rachel Platten)

-Luck (American Authors)

-Love (Imagine Dragons)

-If I Lose Myself (One Republic)

-Stardust (New Politics)

-Secrets (also one republic)

-Flaws (Bastille)

-100 Bad Days (AJR)

-I Lived (another one republic lmao)

-Battle Scars (Paradise Fears)

-Rise Up (Imagine Dragons)

yeah he definitely listens to this shit lmao

[ineverlookavvay]

bisexual-aliens-in-arms

Isobel drags Michael to Planet 7 for pride night. It goes far better than expected.

Bi Visibility Day - Day 7 of Michael Guerin Week 2020

cw: alcohol, referenced child abuse, internalized homophobia

Read it on Ao3

“No, “ Michael said, aiming for firm.  “I don’t have time, Iz.”

Isobel scoffed.  “What, are you going to be working on cars all night long?”

There was actually a fairly big backlog of cars to work on, and Michael found he needed the distraction more often than not recently.  Life was complicated, increasingly so, and cars were simple, designed to be a certain way and logically never stray from that.  People sucked a lot more than cars, objectively.  

“Maybe I am.”

“Michael.”  Isobel leaned down onto the hood of the car he was trying to work on, annoyingly in his way.  She was giving him her ‘cut the bullshit’ look, which he was historically not very good at escaping.  “It’s one night, and it’s important to me.  Please come out?”

“I don’t do theme nights.”

Isobel scoffed again, rolling her eyes and trodding directly onto his ego.  “Come on, Michael.  This is my first pride month and you’re supposed to be my bisexual-alien-in-arms.”  She changed tactic abruptly, making the most irritating pouty face he’d ever seen.  “You’re not really going to make me go alone, are you?”

Michael sighed, wiping grease off his hands onto his jeans.  Fucking hell.  “Fine, but you gotta leave me alone for at least a few hours, okay?”  Isobel clapped gleefully.  “You know, some of us work.”

“Let me know if any of those people want a job,” Sanders cut in, ducking in on his way out, looking at Michael’s progress skeptically and ignoring Michael’s scowl.  “Do some damn work.”

“Hell does it look like I’m doing?” Michael called out as Sanders left, still scowling.  Michael fixed a tight smile on Isobel.  “Later, okay?”

She shrugged.  “Fine, but be ready to go at eight.  And try not to look so…” she waved her hand at his general appearance, “mechanic-y.”

Michael wanted to protest that he always looked ‘mechanic-y’ on account of he was a damn mechanic, and besides, the grungy blue-collar cowboy look was still popular as far as he could tell; but seeing as he’d already caved, he would certainly end up losing this argument, too.  So instead, he turned his attention back to the cars.  Michael liked working with his hands, he liked fixing things.  Sure, he might fuck up every relationship he’d ever had, he might break the things in his life constantly, but he could take a broken car and make it a working car, and that was something.  

He was not so secretly dreading the evening, though.  He let himself drift far enough into his work that he wasn’t actively panicking about going to a damn pride night at the local gay bar, which he’d never actually been to, no matter how many times Isobel tried to convince him how great it was.  It’s not that Michael was ashamed, he really wasn’t—but he’d experienced enough bigots and assholes in his life to know that he didn’t need to paint an extra target on his back, either.  

Who he fucked was his own business, and that was how he preferred to keep it.  Isobel was reveling in her newfound sexuality, and he wasn’t about to ruin that for her, but he also knew that a rich white woman was a lot less of a target than a trailer trash cowboy.  He also had an existential dread of any place that resulted in Isobel leaving at the end of the night dripping in glitter.    

Michael didn’t do glitter, and he didn’t do pride month—or at least he hadn’t—and he’d much rather just spend a night with Isobel at the Wild Pony celebrating themselves quietly with a drink that didn’t have anything in it besides the liquor.  Hell, they could go there and celebrate themselves raucously, as long as no one had to know the reason for the celebrating.  

His attempt to distract himself resulted in successfully losing track of time, which meant Isobel was already standing in the junkyard tapping her foot when he went inside to shower and change.  

“You don’t have anything cuter than that?” she asked skeptically when he emerged, clean and dressed in a black button-down.  Isobel was wearing a purplish iridescent crop top that probably came out of her closet circa 2010 and incredibly tight dark blue jeans, with multiple strings of shiny necklaces around her neck.  

“Sorry, I don’t own anything that shiny.”  

That got him a smile at least.  “Listen, Michael, the whole point of pride is to look hot,” he was pretty sure that wasn’t true, “get laid,” he was sure that one was wrong, “and be out and proud while doing it.”  She looked so proud of herself right then that Michael didn’t have the heart to argue.  “Plus, the bi flag has really nice colors.”

Michael smiled in spite of himself.  “Iz, you got me to go with you, you really want to jeopardize that by shit talking my clothing?”

Frowning slightly, she shrugged.  “Fine, but this is why no one thinks you’re the fun alien.” 

“Hey!  I am definitely the fun one,” he argued, striding towards her car and settling in for an inane but companionable argument.

Michael liked bars, in general.  He liked the dark corners and the dirty floors and the smell of alcohol and the down home music and the bluster of it all.  He liked sitting at a bar nursing a drink and feeling like a part of something just by virtue of drinking beside other people.  But Michael hated Planet 7. 

First of all, the whole damn place was trying too hard.  It had far too many lights, all of them overly complicated and flashing stupid colors.  It had a DJ instead of a jukebox, which Isobel implied was something special, that he should be pleased to be experiencing, much to his chagrin.  It had more glitter and confetti littering the floor and on the bar and on the tables than Michael had ever hoped to see in one place.  All the drinks were obscured by ridiculous garnishes.  There was someone sitting at the end of the bar stenciling with face paint on people’s faces, another thing Isobel assured him was a fun and exciting theme night thing.  But most of all, it didn’t make Michael feel safe, or comfortable, or known; this wasn’t his place.

Isobel looked like she’d just walked into her surprise birthday party, though, grinning and strutting in like she owned the place.  “Come on, I’ve been dreaming about their drinks,” she said, beaming, and Michael reluctantly followed her over to the bar.  Michael realized quickly that she hadn’t been dreaming about the drink so much as the bartender.  Which, fair enough. 

Michael let her talk and flirt and took the time to look around again, hoping to find something to be complimentary about so Isobel wouldn’t feel she had to prove how great it all was to him.  It was his own fault then, when he accidentally saw Alex across the room, leaning against a wall, deep in conversation with someone that looked suspiciously like Kyle.  Michael’s stomach did a flip and he turned quickly away, back to Isobel and the bar, half hoping Alex hadn’t seen him.  Michael knew that Alex was single again, or at least that was the last he’d heard, but that didn’t mean he wanted to be caught staring outright. 

“Here,” Isobel thrust a drink into his hand that had a little light-up rainbow color-changing cube masquerading as an ice cube at the bottom of it.  Michael rolled his eyes.  “So what are you feeling?  Wanna dance?  Or I think they’re painting pride flags on people’s faces?”  She sounded giddy, her cheeks flushed and her hair already covered in a ridiculous amount of glitter.  

Michael didn’t have the heart to let her down by telling her he’d rather eat sand than dance or get his face painted without at least a few drinks in his system.  “Whatever you want.” 

Isobel beamed at him.  “See, I knew this would be fun.” 

“Yep,” Michael said, plastering a smile on his fast as she led him over to the person doing the face paint, “cause I’m the fun one.”

By the time he was sitting on a bar stool with someone striping color across his face, Michael was on his second drink, and Isobel's face was already a melty palette of pink, blue, and purple. 

“Isn’t this great?” Isobel said, standing over him and dancing to some unbearable pop song, shaking glitter out of her own hair all over Michael’s head and shoulders.  He could feel it falling onto him like tiny raindrops, securing itself to his shirt and hair and skin with some invisible, terrible glitter power.  He wondered idly how many showers it was going to take until he could walk around without constantly catching the glint of it out of the corner of his eye.  

“Yeah,” Michael agreed, standing up as the face painter proclaimed he was done.  His cheek felt strange, stiff and cold, and he couldn’t get the last of the alcohol out of his glass around the giant fake ice cube.    

“Hey, we have to take a picture,” Isobel said, grinning wider and pulling out her phone while she dragged their faces close enough together to fit into the selfie frame.  She pulled back to look at the picture, nodding with happy satisfaction.  “We are hot,” she proclaimed, “and proud.  Two badass bisexuals.” 

Michael nodded distractedly.  He needed another drink, or maybe just some fresh air, or for the DJ to turn down the goddamned bass, or something.  He hated the feeling of the face paint, and he hated the selfie, he hated how unlike himself he looked, glittery and colorful and trying to smile in a crowd.  Michael stumbled backwards, turning around to face the bar in what he hoped was a mostly intentional-looking maneuver.  He needed another drink.  

The bartender nodded at him and Isobel, bringing over two more glasses of whatever they were drinking.  “Lookin’ good,” she said, and Michael’s chest felt tight. 

It was too loud, and too warm, and Isobel was talking but he couldn’t make out what she was saying.  He drank almost frantically, trying to get enough alcohol into his system that he stopped caring about any of this shit.  Michael glanced around the bar, at all of the people laughing and smiling and looking like they fit in perfectly, and Michael had never felt more like an alien.   He needed to get out, just for a moment, just to catch his breath.  

“I’m, uh, I’m gonna find the bathroom,” he said, coherently enough, and pushed past Isobel towards the back hallway.   

The bathroom was thankfully empty, and quiet as the door swung shut behind him, the music that was so pervasive in the bar just a tinny echo.  Michael braced himself on one of the sinks, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against the scratched mirror.  It was just all so much, and it should have been easy, and the fact that it wasn’t was creating a cacophony of different feelings in his mind, all of it blending together into something like panic.  Michael opened his eyes, willing himself to stay in control.  

He looked at himself in the mirror, and he hated the frantic look in his eyes, hated the smear of color across his cheek like a brand, hated that he could be so comfortable with himself and yet so shaken.  He could feel the urge to push it all away, violently, to shove and shake and break—the only way he had now to make the noise in his head stop.  Michael gripped the sink and thought about tearing the room apart.  He could see it, sinks and toilets tearing out of the wall, tiles slamming against one another into dust, the mirrors cracking and shattering.  The vision of destruction filled his mind, and he was in the middle of it, silent in the eye of the storm, caught in the tornado of his own making—

The door to the bathroom swung open, and Alex stepped through it, looking concerned.  “Are you okay?” 

The vision dropped away from Michael’s eyes, leaving him with only himself, standing in a public bathroom feeling terrified and self-destructive.  He watched in the mirror as Alex twisted the lock on the door and took another cautious step forward. 

“Are you okay?” Alex repeated. “Because you looked not okay.”

“I’m fine,” Michael said, even though his voice sounded thin and shaken.  Alex stepped towards him again and Michael pressed himself forward, closer to the sink, like he could climb into the mirror and avoid this interaction.  It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to Alex, because he did, badly, but he didn’t want Alex to see him in a moment where he felt weak.  “You didn’t have to follow me.”

Alex shrugged, the cracks in the mirror keeping Michael from seeing the nuances of his expression.  “I wanted to see if you were okay.” 

It was meant kindly, but somehow it made Michael feel worse.  Michael stopped watching Alex and focused on his own face, frowning when he saw the painted colors again, loosening his grip on the sink to press uneasily on the skin of his cheek.  He swallowed and dropped his hand quickly, lowering his eyes to the stained white porcelain of the sink.  “I think this paint might be toxic,” he said wryly.  He could tell from Alex’s silence that he saw through the remark. 

“It looks good,” Alex said quietly.  “You look good.”

Michael looked up sharply at Alex’s reflection again.  Alex had his own face painted, a rainbow of stripes adorning his cheek.  “You do, too,” Michael said, meaning it.  Alex did look good—happy and proud and like he wasn’t constantly looking over his shoulder.  It made Michael feel boundlessly happy and endlessly sad, knowing that they’d spent their time together hiding, that they could both be here on this stupid pride night—with Alex looking secure and hot and comfortable—and yet not be together.  Usually Michael would fight or fuck those maudlin feelings away, but that wasn’t really an option tonight.  He sighed.  “But I just don’t…maybe this isn’t my scene.”

Alex was close enough to put a hand on Michael’s shoulder, and he did so cautiously, like he wasn’t sure if Michael would let him.  Michael hoped that someday Alex would be able to touch him without worrying.  He let Alex turn him away from the mirror.  

“Maybe,” Alex said, carefully.  “Or maybe you grew up with assholes telling you this part of you was wrong, that it should be shuttered if you can’t destroy it.” 

Michael’s instinct was to argue that he was fine, and none of his shitty foster parents had gotten to him like that, but he wasn’t sure it was entirely true, and he wasn’t sure that Alex wasn’t saying it for his own benefit as much as for Michael’s.  Alex’s hand was still resting on Michael’s shoulder, and it felt grounding; Michael felt stable under Alex’s hand, under Alex’s unwavering gaze.  He took a deep breath, and as he let it out, Alex seemed to visibly relax, too.  

“You can wash it off, if you want,” Alex said, “and it wouldn’t mean anything.”

Michael shook his head slowly.  “Isobel—” he started.

“We didn’t get the same ‘strong woman, love yourself’ stuff that Isobel did,” Alex interrupted, reaching around Michael to snag a paper towel from the wall dispenser.  “It’s okay.” 

“Isobel would be disappointed,” Michael said numbly, his chest tight with unspoken gratitude, but he didn’t take the paper towel.  Then more quietly:  “Everyone’s always disappointed.”

Alex looked at Michael for a moment, and then shrugged and smiled, like he didn’t know what Michael was talking about, like he wasn’t one of the people Michael kept disappointing.  “This whole thing is supposed to be about celebrating yourself the way you want to, so fuck ‘em.”

Michael smiled back weakly, his hand tracing lightly over the stiff lines of the face paint on his cheek.  He so badly wanted to want to leave it there. 

“It looks better on you,” Michael said, impulsively, reaching out as if to touch Alex’s cheek, and then drawing his hand back at the last moment.  He held his breath as Alex met his eyes and stepped carefully forward, bringing his cheek to Michael’s hand, leaning into his touch far too easily.  “You’ve always looked good with stuff like this.”  He was thinking of Alex as a teenager, with liner painted across his eyelids, and it made Michael ache with nostalgia.  He wanted this—he wanted to be able to tell Alex how the only good memories from that summer were of Alex, to be able to say all the stupid, romantic things he had never gotten the chance to say, to be able to dance with Alex at pride night and have neither of them care who saw.  

“I wish I’d been able to be this with you,” Alex said, his voice raw and quiet.

Michael let out a breath that was almost a laugh, running his fingertips lightly across Alex’s rainbow cheek.  “You’re here now,” he said without thinking about it.  Now was enough.  Michael thought that if he leaned forward and kissed Alex, Alex might let him, that it would be okay if it only existed here, in this moment.  But they owed each other more than that—more than a secret kiss in a bathroom, more than rushing in without talking, without taking enough care that neither of them got hurt, this time.  God, but Michael wanted there to be a ‘this time.’

“So are you,” Alex said pointedly, licking his lips absently in a way that sent Michael’s entire internal equilibrium shifting, like his body was trying to tip him towards Alex.  

The door clattered as someone tried to get into the bathroom, and both of them laughed awkwardly, aware again of their surroundings.  It steadied Michael, kept him from crashing towards Alex the way he desperately wanted to.  Waiting would be smarter; dropping his hand, pulling away and swallowing everything he was feeling, putting on a smile and walking out of the bathroom would be smarter, but he hesitated.

Alex met Michael’s eyes and slowly lifted his own hand and pressed his fingers lightly to the paint on Michael’s cheek, almost exploratory, a gentle caress.  Michael felt his breath coming far too quickly, his earlier discomfort nearly forgotten under the soft way Alex was touching him.  

“You really do look good, Guerin.” Alex said quietly.  “And this place?  This bar?  It’s not my favorite either.  And it—it isn’t home, but it’s safe.  You know?” 

“Where’s home?” Michael asked, somewhat facetiously, his fingertips still barely brushing Alex’s cheek, leaning his cheek into Alex’s touch, unable to stop himself.  Michael knew both of them had been facing the same thing recently—the growing sense that all of the places that had felt comfortable or familiar didn’t feel that way any more, the fear of what it would take to find the places that would feel that way in the future.  

Alex met Michael’s eyes, meaningfully, like he was trying to get Michael to understand something without saying it.  “I think I’ve almost got that figured out,” Alex said finally, and Michael was hit by the realization that Alex wasn’t talking about the bars or the city or the buildings they lived in, but something entirely different.  He thought back to every time he’d ever heard Alex say the word home, with something like longing and questions laid into it, and wondered if maybe he’d been talking about them the whole time.    

Michael was trying to form a response that wouldn’t feel like a deflection, that would convince Alex to actually say what he was saying, when someone banged loudly on the door and Alex pulled away abruptly, leaving Michael’s fingers caressing only air.  Alex smiled apologetically and dropped his hand away from Michael’s cheek.  “You shouldn’t spend the whole night in the bathroom,” Alex said, starting to move towards the door.  “I’ll save you a dance.”

“Didn’t see you dancing before,” Michael said, to take focus from the fact that the image of Alex dancing, and happy, was enough to make every bit of him openly ache with wanting.    

“I wasn’t.”  Alex said, raising an eyebrow.  “But I will with you.”  

Michael exhaled heavily, his voice stolen by the casual way Alex said it, like they’d already decided.  Then again, what was there even to decide?  

Alex licked his lips, hesitating between Michael and the door, then abruptly turned back and crossed to where Michael was standing.  Alex pressed himself into Michael’s space, his hands cradling Michael’s cheeks as he brought their lips together in a quick but searing kiss.  Michael let out a sound halfway between surprise and a moan and kissed Alex back fiercely.  He’d barely gotten his bearings before Alex was pulling away.

Smiling with satisfaction, Alex unlocked the door and slipped through into the noise of the bar.  Michael side-stepped out of the way as someone rushed past him to one of the stalls, watching the door like Alex might come back. 

When he didn’t, Michael turned back to the mirror, staring at himself skeptically for a few minutes, trying to see himself the same way he saw Alex, like someone who was strong enough not to feel foolish, but proud.  He shook his head at his reflection—it was too much, too much to ask of himself at that moment, but he realized that he still didn’t want to leave the bar.  Not when Isobel wanted him there, not when Alex wanted him there.  

It was Alex’s voice, Alex’s smile, in Michael’s head as he decided not to wash the face paint off.   As he decided not to listen to the words in the back of his mind that he tried to pretend he’d forgotten, to brush off with bravado, the ones that came from the screaming foster parents who carried bibles and belts, the ones who told him he was nothing before he was old enough to know anything about himself.  Alex didn’t see Michael that way, any more than Michael saw Alex as any of the things his asshole father had thought of him.  Alex wanted to dance with Michael, wanted to kiss him, and that was reason enough to stop thinking about the colors on his face and leave the bathroom. 

This bar was never going to be Michael’s place, it was never going to be less annoyingly loud and glittery, and it was never going to serve drinks that didn’t make him roll his eyes.  But it could be the first place he’d let Isobel drag him to a pride event, it could be the first place he’d kissed Alex, that Alex had kissed him, since they’d tried to ignore how they would always feel.  It could be that, and that could be enough, even if he hated the damn face paint.

Taking a breath, Michael left the bathroom with his breathing almost back to normal.  He found Isobel quickly, dancing on the edge of a throng of people, and she brightened as soon as he appeared, beckoning him over.

“Thought you might have left,” she said close to his ear when he reached her, almost yelling to be heard above the music.    

“Almost did,” Michael replied distractedly.  He scanned the room, which had gotten significantly more crowded in the short time he’d been gone, until he found Alex, leaning against a wall, clearly watching Michael, too.  He tilted his head, gesturing Alex over, and saw him nod and push slowly away from the wall, 

“What did you say?”  Isobel yelled, and Michael flipped his attention back to her, grinning.  She looked happy, and tipsy, and like she actually wanted him there, and all at once Michael felt lighter. 

“I said fuck you,” he said stridently, louder and closer to her ear.  “Bisexuals-in-arms, right?”

Isobel’s answering smile was brilliant, and Michael realized he hadn’t made a mistake by coming here just for her, because she’d asked him, intentionally, to be there.  And there wasn’t anything wrong with staying for Alex, because neither of them would usually be caught dead in a place like this, and there was something about just showing up that mattered.  

Alex came up beside them, putting a hand gently on Michael’s elbow, just enough to let Michael know he was there.  It felt like a lot more than that, though.  

“Alex!”  Isobel was clearly at the drunk stage where she was friends with everyone.  “Look, we match!”  She gestured happily between her face and Michael’s, and Michael hated that it made him feel even a tiny bit better about the stupid face paint. 

Alex grinned.  “It’s great,” he said and Isobel beamed.  The song changed fluidly to something new, and Alex slid his hand down Michael’s arm until their fingers were clasped together.  Michael couldn’t think of a time he and Alex had held hands in public, not ever.  It felt nice.    

Isobel danced next to them with abandon and Michael let himself sway awkwardly with Alex, trying to actually loosen his grip on his control instead of just slipping into the comfortable persona of someone who didn’t care.  He did care.  He cared that Isobel wanted them to have this connection—something that she and Max didn’t have—even if her way of celebrating it wasn’t entirely in line with his ideal evening.  He cared that Alex wanted to dance with him, that he was holding Michael’s hand in public, even if it was under the guise of dancing, that he cared enough to follow him into the bathroom and knew him well enough to lock the door.    

Isobel paused her dancing to give Michael a very obvious and unsubtle thumbs-up, and Michael didn’t even resent it when Alex laughed.  Michael grinned up at her sparkling, painted face, his hand tightly knit with Alex’s, and let himself enjoy being part of something loudly, even if it was just for the night.  Maybe, Michael reflected, this was what Alex meant by home.  

[specterchasing-a]

Walking on Broken Glass || Solo

TIMING: Last night.

LOCATION: The Bend.

PARTIES: Eddie and a ghost I accidentally became emotionally attached to.

SUMMARY: Eddie spends some time with a ghostly friend, things get a little heavy, then very stupid, and then heavy again. It’s a roller coaster.

CONTENT: Internalized homophobia tw, homophobia tw

Ask any White Crest native about the derelict houses in the bend and they’ll tell you that ‘abandoned’ doesn’t always mean ‘empty.’ Squatters looking to put a roof over their heads might hunker down in the neglected homes, usually becoming a meal for something sinister, but some occupants can’t be so easily disposed of. Those who have no life to be taken from them cling to familiar places instead of moving on. Before death’s embrace, they hung pictures and changed lightbulbs. They tried to determine which color to paint their living rooms before deciding it would be too much work to relocate the furniture. After all, for something to be abandoned, it must have once been cherished.

Eddie knocked on the front door before letting himself in. He arrived later than usual with hardly any time before the sun hung its hat. Soon enough, ‘the bend’ would become ‘the buffet’ for creatures of the night. “Amira?” he called out as he nudged the door shut with his heel. Broken glass covered the living room floor and crunched under his feet as he ventured into the living room. 

“You were supposed to be here hours ago,” a voice replied.

“I got tied up,” he said, turning to face the specter standing mid-way up the stairs. Amira’s arms were crossed, but a few of the stab-wounds on her chest remained visible. “What’s with the glass?”

“Oh, you know,” Amira sighed as she descended to the ground-floor. “I started thinking about how I’ll never taste freshly made coffee again and it made me so distraught that I shattered the windows.”

“As one does,” Eddie sagely responded. With a shrug, his backpack slipped off his shoulders. He tossed it onto the faded couch and began rifling through the main compartment in search of his portable speaker. “On the bright-side, the outcome of your afterlife crisis has inspired the first title on tonight’s soundtrack.” Eddie placed the speaker on the coffee table and synced it to his phone while Amira closed the distance between them. Her eyes curiously watched as he scrolled through song titles.

“Why couldn’t those have been around in the ‘80s?” she asked with a huff.

“Blame Reagan,” Eddie said before hitting play.

‘Walking on Broken Glass’ by Annie Lennox streamed from the speaker in all its soul-pop glory. Eddie shoved his phone into his back pocket and took a cursory glance around the room in search of the broom and dustpan.

“In the kitchen, where you left them,” Amira instructed.

“How do you do that?”

“What, read your mind? You act like it’s difficult.”

Eddie eyed her with light-hearted skepticism as he slipped by, careful not to pass through her. Amira didn’t like being reminded of her intangibility; it exacerbated the ache of a half-existence. From time to time, when their conversations lulled or Eddie seemed distracted, she asked if he couldn’t see her anymore, always with a look of mild panic. The thought of her killer seeing the world continue to grow and change while she faded away kept her from crossing-over. It didn’t matter that prison bars obstructed his view, she said they were both destined to cope with cages someone else put them in. Her cage had nice flowers on the wallpaper and memories of brighter days, at least.

In the kitchen, Eddie noticed the cupboard doors opening and closing along with the music and immediately grinned. Life dealt him a hand he didn’t always know how to play, but helping the dead come back to life for a little while made it seem worth it. He grabbed the handle of the broom and rejoined Amira in the living room. He watched as her shoulders bounced rhythmically.

“Looks like I’ve given Annie Lennox a brand-new fan,” he remarked. 

“I’m inclined to agree.” Amira simpered at him over her shoulder. “When did this song come out?”

“Uh, the ‘90s, I believe.”

“Explains why I’ve never heard it, but I’m in love with her voice.”

“With pristine taste like that, you’re a girl after my own heart,” Eddie crooned wistfully while ushering shards of glass into a neat pile.

“I don’t think I’m your type.”

Eddie froze mid-sweep and furrowed his brow. He thought about Nell, about Alfie and Kyle, how they highlighted an aspect of himself he preferred to keep in the dark, all in unique ways that seemed to share the same conclusion. Eddie remembered the first time he saw two men holding hands in public and the way his mother told him to look away. He felt scared, not for himself, but for them. That day in the common, onlookers didn’t see an innocent display of affection, they saw something unfit for their children to be around. Eddie didn’t agree, but to think that someone might view him as a threat for something as innocuous as holding another man’s hand shook him to his core. He didn’t want that to be his life.

“Why does everyone assume I’m gay?” Eddie laughed, trying to pretend it didn’t bother him. “Is it, like, a vibe, or… ?”

“I meant because I don’t have a corporeal body, but now that you mention it…”

Realizing the error in his assumption, he quickly pulled his phone out and turned the speaker’s volume up to maximum. “I’m sorry,” he shouted. “I can’t hear you at all, Amira! You’re gonna have to speak up.” Eddie gestured to his ears and shrugged helplessly before turning away from her and making a beeline for the stairs, letting the broom hit the floor as he departed.

“Edward!” Amira called out to him.

“You got me feeling like the Ting Tings because that is not my name!”

“I don’t get that reference! Eddie, get back here, there’s still glass everywhere!”

“Shoulda thought of that before you took your anger out on innocent windows!”

Annie Lennox wailed from downstairs as Eddie barrelled towards the closest door. His hands wrapped around the handle and pulled, but to no avail. 

“You idiot,” Amira scolded, suddenly right next to him. “You can’t hide from me in this house, I’m everywhere.” 

“That’s so scary, why would you say that to me?” Eddie balked through laughter, still tugging fruitlessly on the door. 

It didn’t take much to distract Eddie from the uncomfortable topics that plagued his mind. He perfected the art of running away from his problems at an early age like a true prodigy. Even Amira cracked a smile at how utterly ridiculous he looked trying to open a door he didn’t stand a chance against. 

“Fine, you want inside that bad? Go ahead.” With a flick of her wrist, the door opened and Eddie, not letting go of the door fast enough, fell back against the upstairs railing. His chest heaved as looked down at the distance between himself and the floor.

“Fuck,” he breathed. “I could’ve died—then we’d be roommates.”

“God forbid,” Amira tittered.

Eddie elected to ignore that comment and focus on the room he now had access to. “I don’t think I’ve ever been in here,” he said as took a few steps in. Aside from the moonlight streaming in from the window, shadows dominated every corner. He squinted to bring what he could into focus: a large bed with a plush comforter, a vanity littered with objects he couldn’t quite make out, a couple of nightstands. All in all, it seemed like a perfectly normal bedroom aside from the dated furniture, but that was to be expected.

“Probably not,” Amira said, drifting in after him. “Look, Eddie, about what happened downstairs…”

Eddie turned to face her and shook his head. “We really don’t need to talk about it.”

“Okay, but let me just say that, if you were…” she trailed off with a sigh. “Whatever you end up being, it won’t matter to me.”

“It’s not you I’m worried about, Amira.” He wandered over to the bed and ran his hand over the comforter. He wondered if time took away its softness or if the people of the ‘80s harbored a vendetta against comfort. “It’s everyone else.”

Eddie collapsed into bed and closed his eyes, laying on his back while Amira watched mournfully. She wanted to offer him comfort, to somehow convince him that happiness existed even for those who didn’t fit into society’s neat little boxes. The words wouldn’t come to her and, even if they did, she knew how difficult he could be. If Eddie didn’t want to listen, he wouldn’t. She wracked her brain for something that might cheer him up.

“Hey Eddie,” she said as she moved to the unoccupied side of the bed. “This is where I died, my final resting place as it were. I’m willing to share it for a while if you are.”

“Nice,” he replied with a hint of a grin. “I’d like that.”

She lowered herself onto her side, propping up on her elbow. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but have you ever looked into therapy?” She peered down at him as he nodded solemnly.

“And therapy has looked into me.”

From across the room, Amira lifted a throw blanket off of the vanity’s chair-back and guided it to the bed to drape over Eddie. It felt like the closest she could get to giving him a hug, which looked exactly like what he needed as he laid next to her in silence.

“You’re gonna be okay, you know that, right?” she softly asked.

“We’ll see.”

[acanvasofabillionsuns]

got a fascination (with you)

chapter 1! @heavenly-roman

Summary: Roman has a Plan™ (its effectiveness is,, debatable) Warnings: self-deprecation, maybe some secondhand embarrassment, threatened fratricide (roman doesn’t really mean it), all caps in a few spots Wordcount: 3181

Step 1 - call him pet names ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What do you think, darling?” Roman turns to Janus for his opinion.

“Ihavetogo,” Janus says in a rush, before hurrying out of the room, face bright red. 

Roman grins to glowself—he’s flustered! Glo has a chance!—and turns back to Remus.

“I guess he doesn’t want to share what he thinks.”

“…What was that.”

“What was what?”

“‘Darling?’ Since when do you call Janus ‘darling’?”

“That is step one of my master plan to woo Janus,” Roman informs him haughtily. “I was gauging his interest.”

“Or making him so uncomfortable he had to leave.”

“Wait, you think so?” Looking back with that perspective, that could definitely be the case. Oh no, what if glo’d ruined glows chance by calling Janus a pet name when he didn’t like people calling him those? What if Janus was so agitated by it he didn’t want to be friends anymore? “Shoot.”

Roman pulls out glows phone and opens glows messages with Janus. ‘dude i am so sorry, i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. i just’

Roman looks up at Remus. “Quick, what do I tell him I did it for?”

“I don’t know, why are you asking me? You said I’d be terrible at wooing!”

“Remus!”

“I don’t know! Say you do it with your friends sometimes? Or tell him the truth.”

“Friend thing!” Roman crows, typing ‘use pet names on my friends sometimes? but i won’t for you, sorry again’ and sending it. “Thanks, you’re a lifesaver.”

“I think the truth was the better option,” Remus tells him snobbily.

“Everyone’s a critic.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What was that?  “Darling??” Since when is Janus Roman’s darling???

Janus buries his face in his hands, keeping enough visibility that he can actually see where he’s going. He makes his way to the nearest bathroom and plops to the floor. He’s too gay to worry about germs or whatever else because Roman just called him darling.

Did that mean glo likes him back? Maybe? But surely Roman knew what glo was saying when glo called him darling, and Janus doubts glo just calls crushes darling without confessing first. That sounds like it has the potential to be incredibly awkward. But maybe glo does?

Or maybe there’s some explanation Janus had just forgotten about? Or an obvious answer that he’s just completely missed?

Roman had said it so casually. “Darling.” Like it was normal. (One part of Janus’s brain whispers what if it was normal and Janus can feel the blood rushing to his face.)

Janus’s phone dings and he pulls it out, hoping he can distract himself from the massive gay crisis he is having. No such luck, unfortunately.

‘dude i am so sorry, i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, i just use pet names on my friends sometimes? but i won’t for you, sorry again’

Oh. It was a friend thing. Roman didn’t mean anything by it.

Janus buries his face in his hands again, this time from embarrassment, and groans. Stupid, thinking Roman calling him darling meant anything. Although, who just calls their friends pet names randomly? That’s such a stupidly (endearingly) Roman thing to do.

Oh, he hasn’t answered Roman yet. He should do that.

Janus sits up and taps the screen so the little cursor and keyboard pop up. He thinks for a minute on how to spin his sudden departure as not very gay, then realizes Roman gave him an excuse. Wait, no, because then Roman’ll think he’s upset with glow or something because of it. Maybe he can pretend he had somewhere to be? Flimsy excuse, but he doesn’t want to leave Roman on read for longer to think of a better one and risk Roman thinking he’s mad at glow or something. The double “sorry” almost definitely means glo feels guilty for saying it.

‘it’s okay idm! I just remembered I had somewhere to be. sorry if I made you feel bad, you’re fine I promise ’

Janus rereads the message a few times, changing the exclamation point into a semicolon and rearranging the last bit so it reads ‘I promise you’re fine’ before sending it. There’s a pause of a few seconds where Janus stares at his screen, then a bouncing ellipsis appears for a moment before Roman replies ‘it’s okay!! gl with your thing!!’

Janus smiles at his screen, then puts a hand over his mouth to hide it. He’s so gone on Roman.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Step 2 - see how he reacts to the idea of them dating ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, Janus!” Roman calls, running up and skidding to a stop in front of him. “Hey.”

“Hi, Roman,” Janus says, smiling at glow, which glo takes as a good sign.

“I wanted to ask you something.”

“Okay?”

Shoot, Roman realizes, I am not going to be able to just ask how he’d feel about going on a date with me. What do I do now?

“Roman?” Janus does a little wave at glow. “You good?”

“Yeah!” Roman flashes him a grin.

“What’d you wanna ask me?” Janus prompts after another few moments of Roman frantically trying to make up an excuse.

“I, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…” Screw it. “I wanted to ask if you’d want to hang out with me sometime?” Roman winces at how squeaky glows voice got by the end of it.

“I mean, sure? Why do you sound so nervous, though? We’ve done that plenty of times before.”

Roman’s shoulders climb up near glows ears. “No, I mean like? Hanging out? One on one?” There’s a pause where Janus opens his mouth to speak and Roman realizes that glo isn’t sure glo wants to know what he’s going to say, so glo rushes out, “Oh look at the time I’ve gotta go sorry bye see ya!” and sprints off.

Roman runs outside, to glows car, and slides into the driver’s seat, letting glows head thunk against the top of the steering wheel. That certainly could’ve gone better.

It’s only after Roman’s started driving home that glo realizes glo’s finished the first two steps, which means past-Roman was too optimistic about glo’s ideas-ability and current-Roman has no clue what glo’s going to do next. 

“Besides wait to see if he unfriends me because of how weird I was acting, I guess,” glo mutters to glowself. Janus doesn’t seem like the type to do that, but if he pieces together that Roman likes him, gets uncomfortable, and decides to distance himself from Roman because of that? …That sounds like an unfortunately realistic scenario.

Roman sighs. There’s nothing to do now but wait and see how (or if) Janus reacts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Step 3 - ??? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Janus looks at the fake potted plant across the hall from where he’s standing.

“Did that seem really weird to you too or is it just me?” he asks it, in lieu of an actual human being anywhere nearby to ask.

The plant, predictably, doesn’t reply, and Janus sighs.

He considers messaging Roman to ask what all that was about, but judging from how dodgy glo was in person, Janus doesn’t think he’s going to get a better answer through text.

Was Roman asking you on a date? his traitorous brain asks, and Janus scrunches up his nose and tells it to stop seeing things that aren’t there. He’s not going to let himself assume and then make a fool of himself when he turns out to be wrong, weirding out Roman and potentially losing glow as a friend in the process. 

Even if Roman’s anxiety levels did seem disproportionately high, glo’d only asked if they could hang out. They’d only hung out in groups before! They were still in the process of being comfortable around each other! Being nervous about hanging out with a friend you aren’t very close with yet is perfectly normal! If Janus’s brain could shut up about what if glo likes you back and it seemed kind of like glo might’ve been asking you on a date that would be great, thank you! He isn’t going to read too deeply into things and find some meaning that doesn’t actually exist, thank you very much!

…If this line of thought could stop sounding like he’s trying to convince himself of it, that would be great too, thanks.

Janus shakes his head to clear it and pulls out his phone, turning on some music to distract himself as he walks out to his car. He just needs to stop thinking about this for a bit, and then he can do something—ask Remus? Maybe? That sounds like a decent plan—about it later.

By the time Janus has driven home, the plan to ask Remus about it has solidified in his brain, so he goes inside and grabs an apple to snack on while he texts Remus.

‘hey’

‘Yooooooooo’ comes a few minutes later. Janus squints, counts the o’s, considers asking how Remus remembers the exact number of o’s he’s done each time so he can add one more every new conversation, then decides he doesn’t want to get into that.

‘has Roman been acting,, off? at all with you today?’

‘No why’

‘glo asked me if I wanted to hang out one on one then ran away before I could answer?? I was hoping you could tell me about that?’

‘SLDKJFSLDF glo DID??’

‘yes’

‘Omg this is too good,,,,, glo’s never living this down,,,,, tried to ask you out on a date and ran away before you could say yes KASNFKENFNSKFNE’

Wait. 

Date? Roman had been trying to ask him out on a date??

Wait.

Before he could say yes???

‘remus wth’

‘I can’t,,,,,,,,, as soon as glo gets home i’m gonna look at glow and burst into laughter,,,,,,, this is amazing,,,,,,’

‘remus wdym “before i could say yes”?? who’s to say that i would’ve agreed to a date??’

‘Would u have?”

‘i mean, glo asked if we could hang out. not go on a date’

‘Okay but you totally would’ve said yes either way’

Janus doesn’t respond, trying to figure out how to deny it without sounding like a complete liar. 

‘( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Your silence is condemning you fool’

‘...maybe,’ Janus finally acquiesces. ‘i admit to nothing.’ Then, because Janus is still very confused about this, ‘roman was trying to ask me out??’ Remus has been annoyingly unhelpful about answering that so far.

‘Kakandfdfas yeah’

‘i see’

‘Jdgsfskdfsdsjsjjsdj what’s that supposed to mean’

Janus leaves him on read, already plotting how to use this information to his advantage (and a little bit to spite him. Just because he can).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Virgil,” Roman groans. “I’m an idiot.”

“Yeah.”

“And Remus won’t stop laughing at me about it, thus forcing me—what do you mean ‘yeah?’ You’re supposed to be supporting me! I—you don’t even know what I’m complaining about yet!”

Virgil rolls his eyes. “Don’t need to know what you did to know you’re an idiot.” 

Roman scoffs offendedly. The disrespect! And after glo is trusting him enough to open up about glows problems!

“I don’t have to take this!”

“But you will.”

Roman hums, conflicted. Usually, glo would take Virgil’s mocking, giving just as good as glo got, but glo doesn’t really feel good enough about glowself at the moment. After embarrassing glowself in front of Janus, Roman’s ego is at an all time low, and Virgil isn’t helping.

Virgil pokes glow. “If it’s bothering you I can stop.”

“Tone it back a bit?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Thanks.”

“‘Course.” Virgil pokes glow again and Roman bats at his hand, but glo’s smiling now. “What’d you do this time, princex?”

Roman sighs and puts a hand to glows forehead dramatically, slumping back in glows seat. “It’s tragic! I’ve been humiliated and can no longer show my face around school.”

“I’m heartbroken,” Virgil deadpans. “What happened?”

“I asked—” Roman falters. This sounds… stupid. Glo asked Janus a question and then ran away before he could answer? Virgil’s probably going to laugh at glow. Roman would probably laugh if the situation was reversed. “You know what, nevermind.”

“No, what is it?” Virgil presses, smirking, but he drops it when he notices Roman’s expression. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I just... don’t really want to talk about this anymore,” Roman says, putting an elbow on the table so glo can cover glows mouth with glows hand as glo looks over at the wall.

“Okay,” Virgil agrees. “Is this ‘I’m scared of being vulnerable’ don’t want to talk or something else? Because if it’s the first thing then I promise not to laugh at you or judge you or anything.”

Roman wrinkles glows nose, considering. Still staring at the wall, glo says, “I was going to ask Janus out on a date, but I chickened out and asked him how he’d feel about ‘hanging out one on one’ or something stupid, and then chickened out again and ran away before he could answer. And now I think he’s probably figured out I like him and he’ll probably stop being friends with me because now it’s weird. So.” Glo gives a short, self-deprecating laugh. “Anyway, how’re you doing?”

“I’m fine,” Virgil says lightly after a moment. “My best friend was scared to tell me something, but glo opened up anyway, so I’m proud of glow and happy glo was comfortable enough to share that with me. And despite how anxious glo is about the situation, I think it’s gonna work out for glow.”

Roman looks over at him, asking softly, “I’m your best friend?” Glo’d figured, kind of, but it was the first time either of them had said it to each other.

“I mean, one of, but yeah. I don’t annoy just anyone; my anxiety’s way too high for that.”

“And your standards,” Roman jokes, pointing glows nose in the air.

“And my standards,” Virgil agrees, grinning.

“Well, I suppose, then, that I could concede that you’re my best friend too, and that I appreciate you saying all that,” Roman says primly, making eye contact with Virgil for a moment and smiling before glancing away nervously. “Do you really think it’ll work out?”

“Oh, yeah,” Virgil says, with much more confidence than Roman thinks he maybe should have. “Definitely.”

Roman squints. “I’m trusting you.”

“As you should.” Virgil sticks his nose up in the air in what Roman is certain is a mockery of glow earlier, and so of course glo reaches over and shoves him, laughing at the indignant squawk Virgil makes. From there it devolves into them hitting at each other, not hard enough to really hurt, and laughing so hard that for a while Roman forgets about Janus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Step 4 - profit ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Hey, Roman,” Janus calls, walking the last few steps over to glow. He wonders briefly if the roses are too much, but Roman’s already turned to look at him so he guesses it’s too late to try to subtly get rid of them or something.

Roman’s face does a thing, where it sort of… spasms? Just for a second, but it’s almost like a flash of fear before Roman’s grinning at him and Janus wonders if he’d imagined it.

“Hi, Janus!” glo chirps. “Whatcha got there?” Glo leans over to the side, trying to look behind Janus’s back.

“A gift,” he tells glow, “to, uh, try to— actually, yeah. Just a gift. For you.” Janus mentally facepalms. Remus said Roman likes him; he shouldn’t be so nervous about this!

“For me?” Roman’s eyebrows raise. “What’re you trying to do?”

“Um.” Janus gathers all his courage, pulling the roses out from behind his back and shoving them towards Roman as he says, “Ask you on a date?” It comes out sounding more like a question than he’d intended, and he squeezes his eyes shut, bracing.

Nothing happens, and after a few moments he opens one eye to peer nervously at Roman, who’s sitting there slack-jawed.

“Roman?” Janus asks, straightening up and letting his arms relax.

There’s a squeak.

“Are you okay?”

There’s another squeak, a lot of sputtering, and then finally glo echoes, “Date?”

“If you want to go on one?” Janus offers.

“You want to go on a date… with me?” Roman’s gaze is flickering between staring at the roses and looking up at him in bewilderment.

“I—yes?” This isn’t how Janus envisioned this going. “I like you romantically, you like me romantically, we go on a date and maybe more if we both enjoy ourselves? Does that sound right?”

Roman’s face, which had been steadily growing pinker as the conversation continued, now flames bright red, and glo buries glows face in glows hands.

“Who told you I like you?”

“Remus.”

“I’m going to kill him.” Janus can see Roman take a deep breath, shoulders rising and falling, and then glo looks up at him, face still fairly pink. “And then I’m going to go on a date with you, provided this isn’t your version of a joke or something, and then if it goes well then maybe I’ll resurrect him.”

“Sounds lovely.” Janus grins. “Maybe leave the fratricide until after the date so you don’t have to go through all the work of bringing him back to life?”

“Sure.”

Lacking any response, Janus holds the flowers back out to Roman. Glo takes them gingerly, tracing the edge of a petal and rubbing another one between glows fingers, lifting it up to sniff it and admiring the bouquet. Janus watches glow, a small smile creeping on his face at how enraptured Roman is by the flowers.

After a minute or two, Roman looks back up at him.

“Thank you,” glo says, hiding the bottom half of glows face behind the roses. “No one’s ever bought me flowers before; they’re beautiful.”

“Just like you,” Janus says before his brain can do any silly little things like consider the consequences and Not say stupidly sappy stuff. Roman’s face ducks further under the flowers, and Janus thinks he hears a squeak.

“Thank you,” glo repeats.

“You’re quite welcome, dear.” Janus tacks the pet name on as revenge for how flustered he’d been when Roman called him darling on impulse, curious to see how Roman reacts. Which is, apparently, to squeak more loudly and actually pull glows face up from the bouquet enough to glare weakly at him.

“Stoooooop,” glo complains. “I retract my agreement to date you.”

“Well, in that case, let me retract my roses.”

“No, they’re mine.” Roman clutches them closer against glows chest.

“Alright, then pay for them.”

Roman squints at him. “What’s the payment?”

Janus reaches out, gesturing towards glows hand. Roman stretches it out towards him slowly, watching for what he’s going to do. Janus takes it carefully, bending over it and looking up through his eyelashes at Roman.

“Is this okay?”

Roman nods, blushing, and Janus kisses glows hand, straightening up and smirking at glow. (And if he doesn’t release Roman’s hand, it’s surely just an oversight on his part.)

“Payment.”

“This is unfair,” Roman complains. “I had this whole plan to try and woo you and now you’re being mean and you stole my idea.”

“Well,” Janus says, squeezing glows hand a little. “I’d say your plan worked pretty well.”

Roman looks at their joined hands and squeezes back, then smiles up at Janus. 

“Yeah, I’d say so too.”

[thesaltyace]

big rant/ramble below, you can safely ignore and move on to the next post in your feed.

Urgh

I shared the results of that autism screener with a quasi-friend who I thought would be "safe" (we used to work together and we connected over his being gay and me being visibly queer) but his response was blergh

Everyone has hints of autism.

okay yeah but this isn't just *hints* of autism. I'm answered yes to symptoms I've had since I was a kid that I've learned to mask or work around as an adult. But I still struggle with them.

He pointed out that he sees me as more ADHD than ASD.

Yeah, fair, and I'd need to see a professional to try to distinguish if my symptoms are ADHD, ASD, or both.

You don't hit the three prongs needed for a diagnosis.

But.... but I do. And the stuff I dealt with as a kid is still stuff I deal with today. I just mask it better. A short and not exhaustive list:

As I kid I had trouble interacting with peers. I didn't have friends, really. I didn't know how to make friends and I didn't try terribly hard to. I acquire friends when someone else "adopts" me and decides that we are friends. And once I became an adult, I have almost never had friends of my own - I share a friend group with my spouse who we're primary connected to through him. I'm okay with that. Maintaining a friendship entirely on my own power sounds impossible and exhausting.

I was okay with not having friends, I liked being alone, but my mom insisted on me being social. She made me join things so that I would have a list of people to invite to parties. I'd honestly have preferred a day of doing stuff I like or just a couple friends. As an adult, I want to be alone on my birthday. I will celebrate with certain friends, separately, usually over a quiet meal. That's it.

I had trouble understanding sarcasm and figurative speech. Like, I understand it now but I still think most figurative speech is annoying. I've been told the way I deliver sarcasm is weird, too.

I liked memorizing movies and quoting them start to finish, I thought it was fun but everyone else thought it was weird. I continued to do this into adulthood but I only quote aloud when I'm alone. Alamo Drafthouse quote-alongs are the BEST. I don't do this with every movie, either, just ones I really like.

Okay actually I also liked to listen to the same album or, in some cases, the same song over and over until I was sick of it (and sometimes even after that point). I mean, just endlessly looping on repeat. Not interspersed with other songs. I do this as an adult a LOT because it's easier with headphones to do this without annoying everyone else around you. Like, often it's fine for me to just put a playlist on shuffle, but I get into Moods where I just want the one album/song over and over. Yesterday I listened to Wellerman about 50 times in a row and only stopped because I had to get up and do something else and that song wasn't "good" for whatever I got up to do.

My special interest as a kid was cats. Literally everything cats, all the time - I sought out obscure facts and could tell you the difference between similar species, and wanted cats involved in literally everything I did. Adults laughed it off as childhood obsession. I was also pretty obsessed with the solar system. I thought asking my peers, as a trivia question, which of Jupiter's moons had its own asteroid (Io, in case you were wondering) was appropriate and interesting and was confused that they didn't know that. That was in fifth grade.

I watched the weather channel for fun. I would watch it for hours and absorb the weekly forecast info just... for fun? I never used it, could never tell you if you should dress a certain way or bring an umbrella or whatever. Everyone thought it was weird.

I was a know-it-all and literally could not stop myself from bluntly correcting people who were wrong. Didn't know or care that it was "rude". I'm still that way but I've learned how to sometimes swallow the urge long enough to find a more tactful way to point it out (but often fail).

I could read on my own before kindergarten, used vocabulary beyond what one would expect for my age, and had a special interest in spelling and grammar throughout my school years. I did not understand how other people weren't interested in learning about it and getting it right. I read at an undergrad level by 4th grade.

I hated loud noises and often covered my ears to block out irritating sounds. I could also hear high pitched noises that even other kids didn't seem to hear (or at least weren't bothered by them). Too much noise sent me into an internal meltdown, I'd just kinda shut down because I couldn't deal with it.

Textures and pressure on my skin bothered the absolute fuck out of me - sock seams, certain fabric materials, socks that weren't equally elastic, one shoe tighter than the other, tags.... all of that. (Also, fun anecdote I just unlocked - when I was 4 or 5 my grandmother started letting me use the soft silk sleep shirt she had as a young woman because I preferred it to anything else. Soft, smooth, no irritating qualities. Bliss. I wanted to wear it all the time.)

Don't get me started on food. Until I was in COLLEGE I mostly subsisted on pasta with either butter or alfredo sauce and chicken. I would eat other things, but pasta and/or chicken was (and still is) my biggest safe/comfort food. I'd eat other stuff mostly if I could control the balance of ingredients, get it made plain, or could confirm the texture wouldn't be offensive (so, like... plain burgers, plain cheese pizza, grilled cheese, mashed potatoes, etc.) I cannot stress this enough - from childhood through COLLEGE I did this. As a kid my mom had to make me a completely separate dish most nights to get me to eat something. My spouse was horrified at what little variety I ate. The only reason I eat so much variety now is that he knows what I do/don't like and tells me in advance if I'll find a texture or taste offensive. Of course, rather than wanting consistent texture like I did when I was younger, I now seek as much texture as possible (so long as they aren't Bad textures) so.... that's fun. But yeah most of my objections to Yucky foods is due to T E X T U R E. Even if I like the taste, the texture overrides it all.

I prefer animals to people. I will seek out animals and interact with them instead of people in the same room. And will pointedly focus on the animal to avoid interacting with people.

I'm perfectly happy with only myself for company. Being with just my spouse counts as me being "alone" though. Always has. I just realized last night that it's because I do minimal to no masking around him because he's a safe person to unmask with and always has been. Never batted an eye at the weird shit I do beyond asking questions about what I was doing or why. And then just "Okay."

Okay honestly just the fact that I want to vent into the void of tumblr instead of actually discussing this with a person - even my spouse! - pretty effectively shows how little it occurs to me to interact with other people directly. o_0

And there are so many more things that I won't list here because I could just go on and on. And like, sure, some of this may certainly overlap with ADHD but my point is that I have enough to point to ASD that it doesn't feel like having a "hint" of autism. And who knows - maybe it is mostly just ADHD and CPTSD stuff interacting in weird ways. Could be!

But just because I can make small talk and make eye contact and do the "normal" shit and I can interact "normally" doesn't mean I LIKE it. I had to LEARN to do those things to avoid having bad social interactions. When I'm by myself or with my spouse, I behave very differently than I do around anyone else. ANYONE. It's not just slightly changing my behavior depending on who I'm with - it's completely suppressing how I naturally would do things if left to my own devices.

Like, the things we recommended to our autistic students who wanted to know how to interact in ways that would help them blend in/be accepted by others ARE THE EXACT THINGS I ALREADY DO. Like, it did not occur to me at the time that neurotypicals literally do not have to think about doing those things. I thought, ah, these students just need to be told what the tricks are. Other people figure these tricks out on their own. It did not occur to me that other people, in fact, do not learn these tricks because they naturally do that behavior. They do not have to actively think about learning the trick, period. I literally thought other people also have to think as hard as I do about interactions. Evidently not.

So yeah, I'm feeling a little upset about the reaction I got from him because I'm like.... honestly, a diagnosis of ASD wouldn't change a lot about how I do things or think of things. But it would make me feel better about interacting with and participating in autism-related stuff if I am actually autistic. I realize I can use the resources and supports meant for ASD regardless, and for formal supports anything I can access due to my ADHD diagnosis likely covers anything I'd need for ASD. But having a diagnosis opens up more community. Right now I'm like yeah I'm ADHD but I totally relate to this ASD content. But I'm not going to interact much because I feel like I don't have the right to join in since idk if I do have ASD.

idk I have a lot of feelings. I had a bad email about the trans insurance coverage thing yesterday and I'm not in a great headspace, but finding out me and my spouse both scored very high on the autism screening stuff was honestly a high point because we ended up sharing a lot of how we view and interact with the world that was very eye-opening about why we interact the way we do, how we relate to others (and how other people think we're weird for how we relate to others), and just...everything. And having someone be skeptical after I've spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that I DON'T have ASD only to conclude that at the very least, I should probably be evaluated because I can't reasonably rule it out. Like, most people do not wonder if they have autism. The fact that I am spending this much time looking into it and trying to find examples to disprove it only to find I overwhelmingly can't in virtually every single diagnostic category.... just..... dismissing it outright is kinda hurtful.

Like, I recognize that ADHD symptoms overlap a fair bit, but seriously. My spouse (who definitively does not have ADHD) scored almost identically to me and we vibed on almost everything when we compared answers. We see most things similarly. We have similar areas of confusion about other people and for fundamentally similar reasons. I can't imagine all of the stuff that points to ASD for me is just ADHD in disguise, not when I vibe THAT HARD with someone else. Spouse does not vibe with me on ADHD content. At all. He can appreciate it since he does live with me, after all, and observes whatever's being discussed. But he doesn't vibe with it. He vibes with autism content, though. And I vibe with both.

idk this rant ended in rambling and I'm just going to go listen to Inside on repeat for a couple hours while I try to calm down a bit. o_0

[seriestrash]

So What Now?

- a tyrus one shot -

Summary: The bench scene aftermath. What comes next?

Word Count: 1799

(read on ao3)

♡ ♡ ♡

Cyrus looks down at his hand cupped in TJ’s, a wide smile plastered on his face. This. This is what he’s been wanting for the longest time now. It felt completely right and yet unreal all at the same time. So much so that Cyrus was genuinely terrified about waking up and finding out it was all a dream. 

“So..” TJ lets out a nervous chuckle and it snaps Cyrus out of his trance. 

TJ might have nervously reached out for Cyrus after they both coyly fished for the other to admit to what they hoped would be requited feelings and although that completely welcomed handhold was a relief, there was so much more Cyrus wanted to discuss. Before Cyrus gets the chance to open up though, they’re interrupted when his name is called. 

“Cyrus?” Buffy’s voice calls out in search of him although she’s not visible. 

Cyrus quickly pulls his hand free from TJ before his best friend surfaces from inside. Cyrus shoots a nervous side glance to TJ and notices the blonde boys expression has dropped. Cyrus frowns a little, hoping TJ knew he didn’t mean anything bad by his action. He actually did it to protect TJ as they hadn’t yet got to discuss just how open TJ was about things. 

“Sorry,” Buffy apologises as she senses she’s interrupted something, “I can come back later.” 

“No, it’s fine.” TJ smiles, “I’m going to go inside and catch up with Marty.” 

“The party is winding up but Marty’s still here.” Buffy can’t help but giggle softly as a result of talking about Marty. 

TJ gives her a confused look for her giddiness but spilts without further question. 

“Did I totally ruin a moment?” Buffy asks with a worried expression as she sits down. “Were you about to tell him? Did you already tell him?” Buffy gets more excited with each passing question. 

“To be continued.” Is all Cyrus offers up in an attempt to brush past it. As much as Cyrus wanted to shout what happened from the rooftop he didn’t want to talk about something in case TJ wasn't ready to. Also, it’s not like Cyrus really knew all the details of that something anyway. 

“I have a good feeling.” Buffy’s smile is wide. “There’s a certain magic in the air tonight.” 

“Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?” Cyrus jokes with a laugh. 

Buffy rolls her eyes but her smile remains. “I heard Kira left pretty early on.” 

“She did.” Cyrus nods. “But I’m more interested in this goofy smile you’ve been wearing since you came outside. Does it have anything to do with a certain someone whose name rhymes with party?” 

Buffy buries her cheek against her shoulder. “I told Marty I like him.” 

“And I’m assuming the feeling was mutual?” Cyrus asks, genuinely ecstatic for his friend. 

Buffy nods with her smile unwavering. “He kissed me. My first kiss.” 

“I want one of those.” Cyrus says longingly. 

“A kiss from Marty?” Buffy jokes. 

“Ew, don’t be gross.” Cyrus gives her a playful shove and giggles become them both. “A first kiss from someone that’s not a girl. No offence to Iris.” 

Buffy lets out a quiet laugh. “It will happen for you, Cyrus.” 

“I know.” Cyrus smiles. “Just not tonight.” 

“You never know. There is a magic in the air.” Buffy restates with a grin. 

“Magic or not I don’t think I’m quite ready for that just yet.” Cyrus half smiles. 

“Not ready for what?” Andi’s voice interrupts them as she takes a seat on the bench. “Is this about TJ? Do we not like him again?” 

“No, things are fine with TJ.” Cyrus shakes his head. “We like TJ. I’ve never not liked TJ.” He adds with a nervous laugh.

“Oh, good. So are we going to tell TJ you like him then?” Andi is excited. 

“We aren’t going to tell him anything.” Cyrus laughs. 

“We are there in spirit.” Andi mumbles as she folds her arms with a pout. 

“I love you guys.” Cyrus gushes as he looks back and forth between his two longest friends. “We might all fall in love with someone or multiple someones one day but I want you two to know you were my first loves.” 

“Cyrus, you’re going to make me cry.” Andi cups her chest and Buffy appears just as touched. 

“Why are you making Andi cry?” Jonah appears and shortly after they’re all joined by Bex and Bowie too. 

The group all sit around the fire and reflect on the night. Andi shows them her now empty shack and shares her art school news. After an emotional goodbye to an era, Cyrus is getting ready to leave the party. As he exits the house he notices TJ sitting on the porch steps. 

“TJ, I thought you left.” Cyrus is happy to see him. 

“I was hoping we could walk home together?” TJ stands. 

“I was going to call my dad but I’d enjoy the walk.” Cyrus nods. 

The two head down the street together, a slight awkwardness lingers between them. 

“I didn’t mean to pull my hand away.” Cyrus finally speaks up and frowns to himself, looking at his feet as they walk. 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain.” TJ shakes his head. 

“No I do.” Cyrus insists, “I didn't want to let go.” 

“You didn’t?” TJ asks sheepishly. 

“No. I just wasn’t sure if you were comfortable with Buffy seeing us.” Cyrus explains. 

“I guess I hadn’t thought about that.” TJ states. 

“Is there an us?” Cyrus asks bravely although his heart was pounding aggressively in his chest. 

“I hope so.” TJ’s fingers brush lightly against Cyrus’ again, this time he grabs Cyrus’ hand more confidently. 

Cyrus smiles at their locked hands for a moment. “We should probably talk about a few things...” 

“Probably.” TJ agrees. “You start, you’re better at talking.” 

Cyrus didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing but he does take the lead, “So just to be clear this isn’t a friendly handhold?” 

TJ rolls his head forward with a laugh, “No, Cyrus. I like you.” 

“Just checking it’s not some progressive male friendship thing.” Cyrus laughs too. “I like you too,” he adds more softly. 

“I was hoping you did.” TJ says with a smile. 

“So you like me, do you know if you’re-” 

“Gay.” TJ says with a nod and quietly proud of himself. “And you?” 

Cyrus nods. “Have you told anyone?” 

“Just my mom. I’ve been kind of scared to tell people.” TJ admits.

“There’s no rush to tell people. It’s something you get to share when you’re ready.” Cyrus is very understanding.

TJ smiles already feeling more at ease with this conversation, “Have you told anyone?”

“I’ve told Buffy, Andi, Jonah and my parents- All in that order.” Cyrus is riddled with nervous chuckles he can’t help. 

“Wow.” TJ is almost envious Cyrus has opened up so much. “Do your friends know you like me?” He asks sheepishly. 

“My feelings have become increasingly obvious lately.” Cyrus laughs. “I didn’t have to tell them. Buffy and Andi worked it out.” 

“And Jonah?” TJ questions. 

“He hasn’t mentioned it but I wouldn’t be surprised if even he knew at this point.” Cyrus chuckles. 

“Do they think I like you?” TJ asks. 

Cyrus shrugs as he didn't know how to answer. None of his friends explicitly speculated TJ’s feelings but it was always heavily implied when discussing Cyrus’ feelings. “Are you comfortable with me talking to Andi and Buffy about you?” Cyrus asks, “Maybe even Jonah?” 

TJ appears to be thinking about it for a second but quickly nods lightly. “Maybe I could talk to them first? ... Tell a few people about myself.” 

“I think that’s a great idea.” Cyrus affirms, “Spoiler alert, they’re going to be really supportive.” Cyrus adds at an almost whisper with a warm smile. 

TJ smiles too and nervously he asks, “Are you okay if I talk to my mom about you?” 

“You want to talk about me with your mom?” Cyrus’ looks touched, he even has to bite down on his smile. 

“I might have already talked about you a little.” TJ looks away embarrassed. 

“Did she tell you about my embarrassing farewell fumble the other week?” Cyrus frets and TJ can’t help but laugh. 

“Yeah she did.” TJ says with a smile, “She also told me she likes you.” 

“Well that’s a relief.” Cyrus exhales in relief, hearing TJ’s mom approved of him gave Cy a new set of warm and fuzzies.

The two near Cyrus’ house and stop outside his front door. “So what now?” Cyrus questions. “What are we?” 

“I don’t know.” TJ admits with furrowed brows. “Are we... together?” 

“Are we ready for that?” Cyrus asks seriously. 

“I don’t know.” TJ repeats, his expression remaining the same. 

“Well we are both still working on telling everyone who we are.” Cyrus begins, “Maybe we work on that first?” 

“So I should stop holding your hand?” TJ swings their locked arms between them. 

“Let’s not go doing anything crazy.” Cyrus jokes, his grip still tightly on TJ’s hand and the basketball captain laughs softly. 

“Let’s work on the bigger picture.” TJ nods. 

“What’s the bigger picture, coming out or us?” Cyrus glances down at their hands for a moment before finding TJ’s eyes again, with a look like TJ’s answer could disappoint him. 

“It all looks like one picture to me.” TJ smiles softly and Cyrus’ own smile grows wider. 

“To be continued.” Cyrus says perfectly content with their understanding that whilst working on living their truth for everyone to see, their feelings still exist to be built on at a pace their both comfortable with. 

“I’m happy, Cyrus but I’d be lying if I didn’t say this all terrifies me.” TJ exhales nervously. 

“Me too.” Cyrus smiles empathetically, “But we’re going to be okay. You can trust me, Thelonious Jagger Kippen.” Cyrus smiles. 

“I do.” TJ’s grin is soft, “I always have.” TJ leans forward and plants a soft kiss on Cyrus’ cheek sending tingles down his spine and flooding both their stomachs with butterflies. Cyrus needed no more or no less in that moment, that was perfect. Magical even.

“To be continued.” TJ reiterates with a grin. 

The two spend the rest of the school year building on the feelings they have for one another, their immediate circle of friends were in the know but other than that it was new, quiet and mostly just for them. On the last day of school TJ kissed Cyrus and didn’t mind who saw. The two spend their summer dating and by the beginning of their freshman year the two were well and truely offical and out for the world to see. 

x

End Notes: my heart guys, my whole damn heart ahhhh

[winterskywrites]

could i request a fic where Diego comes out as bi? And he’s having a hard time getting the words out and the siblings aren’t used to seeing their brother so vulnerable so they think it’s something awful but when he announces it they all just sigh in relief aaaaa sibling bonding

It really shouldn’t be so hard for Diego to come out to his family.

If his dad were still alive, that would be one thing, but Reginald is dead, and his bigotry has died with him. As for his siblings… Well, Klaus is pan, Vanya is gay, and no one batted an eye when they came out. No one will bat an eye when Diego comes out either.

But unfortunately, that’s a lot easier to believe in the abstract, and it’s a lot easier to think of worst-case scenarios when Diego is standing in front of all his other siblings in the living room.

“What did you want to tell us, Diego?” Five asks.

“If you wanted to tell everyone about that dog we saw this morning, I already did,” Klaus adds. He’s lying with his back on the seat of the couch and his head hanging upside-down over the edge. Ben’s ghost is next to him, faintly blue and looking fondly amused.

“I’m pretty sure Diego didn’t call us here to talk about a dog,” Luther says. He turns to Diego. “Did you?”

Diego opens his mouth to speak, but the words get caught in this throat. “I-I-I-”

“Are you okay, Diego?” Allison signs, her brow furrowed in concern.

“Picture the word in your mind,” Vanya offers tentatively.

Diego can picture the words in his mind perfectly fine. That’s not the problem. The problem is that the words are terrifying.

“I-I-I w-w-w-wa-”

“Is something wrong?” Luther demands immediately, looking concerned. “Do we have something to be worried about?”

“Is it the Commission?” Five asks, leaning forward. “Is Cha-Cha back?”

“N-n-n-n-”

“Guys, give him a bit of space,” Klaus calls, head still upside-down and steadily growing redder. “Diego, should someone get Mom?”

Diego is an adult, he should be able to get along without comfort from his mom, but he wants her anyway, so he nods. Ben wordlessly gets up and disappears, and Diego knows he’s about to reappear in front of Mom and pass the message on.

“Are you okay?” Allison signs again, looking properly worried now.

“It’s a yes or no question, you can just nod or shake your head,” Klaus suggests, finally flipping right-side up again.

“I mean, that’s a kind of subjective question,” Vanya counters. She turns to Diego and asks, “Are you hurt anywhere?”

Diego shakes his head.

“Is someone threatening the family?” Luther asks.

Diego shakes his head, then pauses, thinks it over, and shrugs.

“He’s got a point, there’s usually someone threatening us,” Five says. “But you don’t know about anyone specific?”

Diego shakes his head, and Five visibly relaxes a little.

“Diego!” Mom calls as she enters the room, Ben trailing behind her. “Are you alright, dear?”

“M-M-M-Mom,” Diego manages, and Mom’s face softens in sympathy.

“Picture the word in your mind, Diego,” she says gently, walking up to him. “Pretend you’re just talking to me.”

Diego looks at Mom and tries not to look at the others hovering around her. Ben quickly sidesteps out of the way so he’s not directly in Diego’s field of vision, and someone grabs Luther to pull him out of the way too. None of his siblings are in front of Diego anymore, just Mom, and he thinks he can tell her. It’s not quite as scary.

“M-Mom,” he says, his voice already a little steadier, “I-I-I-”

He takes a deep breath. Picture the words in your mind.

“I’m bi.”

For a moment, everything is silent. Then, after a moment, Luther asks, “Is that it?”

There’s the sound of at least three people smacking him immediately after. “Shut up, you great oaf!” Five hisses.

“Between you, me, and Vanya, that’s almost half the family!” Klaus cries. “We’ll outnumber the straights soon!”

Someone - probably Luther - protests being called one of “the straights,” and Klaus retorts with some creative language, but Diego ignores it. He’s just looking straight at Mom, because he doesn’t think she’ll care, but she was programmed by Reginald. How much of that programming still exists?

“Diego,” Mom says, and her face is as warm as ever, “I am so proud of you for telling me. You’re so brave.”

Someone hugs Diego from the back, and only the fact that it’s instantly recognizable as Klaus keeps Diego from hurling that person across the room. The lack of violent response must give him confidence, because a moment later, Klaus yells, “Group hug!”

“Whoa,” Diego protests, “I-”

But he’s promptly buried under a group hug with no hope of escape.

That’s okay, he thinks as he fights to keep a smile off his face. He’d never tell the others this, but he doesn’t want to escape anyway. Right here is where he belongs, and there’s no where else he’d rather be.

[punishandenslavesuckers]

Hello! Are you still maybe-doing fic tidbits? Since it's that time of year and you reblogged the Sense8 post, I'd love to see Magnus's history at Pride. Especially if he ends up bringing Alec, because the poor boy has literally zero knowledge of gay rights history or contact w/ other gay pp (besides Underhill).

HAHA HERE’S A BIT OF PRIDE FOR YOU:

“Are you ready?” Magnus asks, beaming, his face fingerpainted in rainbow stripes, dragged from his forehead, over his right eye and down on to his cheek. He grins. He bleached a section of his bangs things morning and converted the color a perfect set of rainbow steaks to match. He looks ridiculous. He looks stunning. It’s almost enough to distract Alec. “Well?”

“I feel like you’re hyping this up too much,” Alec says. He, unlike Magnus, is not coloring his face with Crayola colors and is a little nervous about Magnus doing it. He won’t admit that though, so he soldiers on. “I’m gonna get there and be underwhelmed because you’re way too hype.”

“I feel like I can hype this up as much as I want to because I waited a million years for this kind of thing to be acceptable and I’m still thrilled about it. Don’t rain on my parade.” Then he looks absolutely delighted with himself for using the word ‘parade’ in a tangentially related sentence and Alec has to just stand there and weather the aftermath with a spartan stoicism fit for temple martyrs. “You see what I did there?”

“I swear to god, let’s just go.”

“Alexander,” Magnus says, dragging his name into a low comfort. He catches Alec’s hand, slotting his fingers neatly into his and squeezing. “If you don’t want to go, we don’t have to –”

Alec gamely grabs a rainbow-striped baseball cap from the kitchen table (presently stacked with a wide variety of brightly colored apparel) and jams it on his head. Magnus kind of blinks at him, standing there in his black muscle shirt and jeans, looking absolutely nervous-grumpy in a rainbow hat and Alec can see him visibly wondering if he should still let Alec off the hook. Except that seems to disappoint the warlock more than Alec knows what to do with, the fact that he’s so uncomfortable with something Magnus is so clearly excited about.ds

“Hey,” he says, grabbing Magnus’ wrists, gathering his hands into his. He squeezes his hands reassuringly. “It’ll be great. I just want to go with you, okay?”

“You don’t have to, Alec. Seriously.” He’s using his serious voice and everything. “I know this is still pretty new for you. I am perfectly fine staying in and –”

“No,” Alec interrupts. “No. You said you’re meeting people there. I want go. It’s fine.” He gives the warlock a lop-sided grin. “I mean, it’s not like going to your parade thing is gonna make me, you know, gayerat the Institute at this point. I think they know, Magnus.” And then, when Magnus remains somewhat reserved despite this, Alec reaches up and grabs a fistful of the black and rainbow T-shirt Magnus is wearing, the one he cut the sleeves out of and is looking very good in. “They know because I made out with you in front like fifty people.”

Magnus snorts. “Okay, okay. I really appreciate it.”

“Why’s it so important to you?”

“Alec, I was—” he hesitates for a moment— “lucky enough in some ways to have been raised to be unapologetic about who I am, but I always had the power to protect myself from anyone who didn’t like it.” He closes his eyes, dropping his chin to look at their interlocked hands. “The world’s always in flux. There were times that it was easier to be bisexual than it was to be Indonesian and times where nothing could have been more dangerous. I think it’s important to mark the times and… show your colors so to speak.”

He kind of smiles, but it’s a drawn kind of expression.

“So many of us never got that chance.”

Alec gently slips his fingers under Magnus’ chin, lifting his face. He waits until Magnus meets his eyes.

“I’m not hiding, Magnus. I know what I am and who you are. I love you. I’d put it on a goddamn billboard if that would make you happy and if anyone, ever, tries to tell you you can’t be who you are then you won’t have to use your magic to make them back off.” He leans down, carefully kissing his boyfriend, moving one hand to cup the warlock’s cheek before pulling back. “Because if anyone messes with you, I’ll mess them up.”

Magnus chuckles, grinning up at Alec.

“My knight in shining armor,” he says dryly.

“Hey, just because you can light things on fire with your mind doesn’t mean I can’t mess someone up in your honor.”

Magnus snaps his fingers and the air behind him bends, shudders, then spirals backward until it collapses into a vortex tunneling to what looks like the mouth of an alleyway somewhere in the city. He doesn’t say anything else. He just takes Alec’s hand and they step through the tunnel, Magnus pulling him into a sudden blaring raucous of cheering and music.

“C’mon,” he says, pulling the shadowhunter through the crowd.

Magnus’ hair and facepaint seem very mild suddenly because everywhere all around them the shouting, happy crowds are decked in color, bright with it, absolutely glowing with it. And suddenly they step off the curb into a flow of people and in this river of humanity massive parade floats are rolling lazily toward the downtown. There’s too much going on honestly: there a pair of girls on a tandem bicycle doing donuts in an intersection, music is roaring from a PA system somewhere, there’s a marching band dressed in rainbow stripes, there’s costumes, people yelling and through all that chaos Magnus still has his hand latched to Alec’s.

“You okay?” Magnus is looking at him.

There’s a giant papier-mâché float vomiting confetti behind him and somewhere up the street a chat is going up, “LOVE WINS MOTHERFUCKER. LOVE WINS MOTHERFUCKER. LOVE WINS MOTHERFUCKER,” before dissolving into a roar of cheers and thrown fists. Alec has no idea what’s going on honestly. He just knows there are two girls with their arms around one another and a man with confetti in his beard fondly kissing his equally lumber-jack like partner. There’s a Spanish woman in a red dress dancing by the curb, interlocked with beautiful Chinese person that could be a women or maybe not.

And Magnus is still holding his hand.

“Alec?” He looks concerned. “Are you okay?”

“No,” he says. The he pulls Magnus back to him, hard, hard enough the warlock kind of yelps and falls into his chest where Alec can grab hold of him, hold him there, staring up at him in surprise. “Much better,” he says.

Then he kisses him and he kisses him and he keeps kissing him until Magnus is gripping two fistfuls of his shirt and gasping. Alec is vaguely aware of people around them, how they barely even notice or care. Alec Lightwood stands in the middle of the streets of New York, a parade of chaos moving around him, and he kisses Magnus Bane. He’s messing up his makeup, it’s on his lips and on his fingers, color on his tongue but Magnus doesn’t seem to mind it. He swallows the taste of it, swallows the sound of Magnus saying, raggedly, against his mouth, d“I love you. I love you, Alec—”

Alec loses his hat somewhere in the crowd of course. 

It’s a good day.

[furidojasutin]

Prompt: Pride

Pairing: Fraxus (Freed x Laxus)

Universe: Canon

Rating: K+

a/n: Written for Fraxus Week Eve! I’m not sure if I’ll be able to write something for every single of the nine prompts of the Fraxus Week but I’ll definitely try! So I hope you’ll enjoy the first one <3

June is the month of pride. There's a lot of days for a lot of different things, persons, events... but many of them seem to be chosen at random. Pride month is different. It's important, and exists for a definite reason.

Magnolia is a tolerant town. One would rarely come across hostile people that are resident in the very town. Visitors and new members, however, could cause issues. And unfortunately, even though one should be able to expect it since it's only natural, there are still too many people who dismiss (and worse) the wide range of perfectly normal sexualities and identities.

As Freed sat in the middle of the crowded guild hall, he couldn't help but think of how lucky he was with all the people he had gathered around him. His friends, his true family members and – of course – his boyfriend. For as long as he could remember those people had shown him nothing but understanding and tolerance, and not only regarding his sexuality. That he was gay hadn't been a secret for all too long – and they had made coming out so much easier.

He's had a quite rocky start with all of them, and it had been his fault entirely. He'd been lost in a vision that was delusional and wrong. He didn't have to keep to himself and Laxus and the Raijinshuu. He wasn't better than them. They were all equal, and this is what a true precious bond was like.

He understood it now, and it was all thanks to them. Them, who had forgiven all four of them for the horrible deeds they had committed.

Glancing around Freed watched the mayhem unfold. It was loud and chaotic as usual; they were partying. Every evening was a reason to party this month. Then again, wasn't it always? It sure felt like this around here and if this feeling would get dimmed then there would definitely be something missing.

Silently, he reached for his mug of beer. Wine tended to be his preferred drink but this was one of the moments at which an ice-cold beer was irreplaceable. It was even better sharing the gesture with his boyfriend who was sitting next to him in comfortable silence, shaking his head upon hearing Natsu shout something incoherent.

“I give him five seconds.”

“Five seconds for what?”

“Till Erza steps in,” Laxus responded nonchalantly and imitate Freed's previous gesture. Reaching for the mug he took a big sip. “There she is.”

Right on cue the familiar redhead had caught her target. The rune mage followed her with his eyes and his lips twitched, hinting an incoming smirk. It was typical. “I'd be interested to know where Bixlow is,” he then added and turned his head now looking at Laxus.

The blond shrugged. “I've no damn clue where he went.”

“Perhaps it's better not to know.”

“What, you thinkin' he's making out with somebody in some random corner of the guild?”

Freed snorted. What? Bixlow, making out with somebody? He wasn't the type to just grab somebody and go for it. Bixlow could get flirty for fun but that was it. His best friend was also one of the only heterosexual people in the guild but he was a damn great ally and supporter to have. And on top of that he knew that he had laid his eyes on somebody; or at least that's what Freed assumed.

“That's not what I'm worrying about.”

“Right. He's not the type.”

“Then who is?”

Laxus just wanted to empty his mug but he paused. Freed was looking at him with a subtly raised brow and all the dragon slayer could do was to show a small grin, fangs showing slightly. “We are.”

At that, Freed couldn't help but give a short, deep laugh. He knew that this was an attempt to flirt and he gladly welcomed this attempt. Honestly, Laxus wasn't exactly wrong either. There had been the one or other time they had sneaked into a hall way just to get rid of some tension – non sexual! - and just to share some kisses and quick, almost innocent roaming hands.

The Raijinshuu's captain just wanted to respond when he cut himself off as suddenly Laxus and him got hugged together and he felt a kiss getting pressed to his cheek.

“You're what? Adorable? Too silent right now? Party poopers? A perfect match? Enlighten us!” Cana had slung her arm around the two men and grinned. The scent of alcohol wafted from her but that wasn't anything unusual. She was far from being drunk.

While Cana had also placed a quick peck on Laxus' cheek, Mirajane had been the one to press her lips against Freed's. She too was having one slender arm wrapped around her friends and chuckled at the brunette's retort. “I don't think there were talking about any of this, Cana.”

“And we're not damn adorable,” Laxus grumbled.

“I would argue against this, Laxus.” Mirajane hummed in her sweet voice.

“And you're not denying the other options?” Cana asked and removed her arms from the two men to jump onto the table to sit down on it. She almost ended up knocking over Laxus' mug as he had set it back down on the tabletop. Almost.

“We're no party poopers.” This time it was Freed who spoke and he took a sip of his own drink before putting his mug next to Laxus'. “We're pre-partying.”

“Pre-partying?” Cana spluttered out a charming laugh, then she shook her head. “Right, whatever yer sayin' big boss. But yer definitely too silent and a perfect match.”

The couple was comfortable being silent, watching their guild mates and conversing every once in a while. If the mood struck or the opportunity was there then they'd join whatever was going on. But for now they were perfectly fine; everybody seemed happy. They were happy.

“Thought so. Yer not arguing against those,” Cana continued and grabbed Laxus' mug of beer to empty it. It earned her a scowl from the dragon slayer but she hardly cared.

“No, we aren't,” Freed responded and the hint of a smile became visible on his face. It was genuine. Mira took note of this tiny change in his expression, and had to smile silently to herself.

It was silent for a moment then. Cana dragged the back of her hand along her mouth and crossed her legs while Mira watched how Laki and Kinana were having some sort of challenge with Lisanna and Levy.

There was something different about the atmosphere. The atmosphere became hardly ever negative when Fairy Tail partied but there was just something about this that made a change. Perhaps it was the colorfully decorated guild; colors of all pride and identify flags were gracing the big hall. Mirajane had the lesbian flag drawn on her cheeks while Cana had a bisexual one on hers.

Lucy was running around with a top in bisexual colors. Natsu wore a chain in demisexual colors. Gray was wearing a bisexual tie around his neck. Both Gajeel and Juvia shared pansexual colored best friend shirts. Evergreen wore a flower in her hair that was painted in demisexual colors and Mest wore a rainbow sleeveless shirt. Levy had a bisexuality bow in her hair, Erza had a bisexuality flag painted on her arm and so had Lisanna. Everyone had something to express themselves as obviously as possible.

Freed and Laxus were no exception. It had taken some convincing on Laxus' side but in the end they had agreed to both wear flag necklaces; the gay one for Freed and the demisexual one for Laxus. Freed's necklace had the shape of a lightning bolt while Laxus' necklace had the shape of sword.

Both had silently admitted to themselves that these chains were rather nice. They would keep them, definitely.

Though not only that. Pride month made it even easier to share affection in public. Of course, screw people who believe that any other couples than heterosexual ones should be allowed to show an exchange of chaste affection openly. Screw them anyway, yes, screw them. But it was still easier around this time.

Cana and Mirajane had vanished in the crowed again. Freed observed how Mirajane joined her brother and sister whilst Cana playfully slung and arm around poor Levy who got startled by the sudden approach. It had the brunette laugh heartily and utter a quick apology, making the script mage pout.

A quite light-hearted play, all of it, and Freed got himself to reveal another genuine smile that he didn't feel the need to suppress this time.

It was then that he felt a touch on his hand. Instinctively, he looked down and spotted another hand on his. He didn't need to wonder who this hand belonged to. He had felt and held it so many times in so many different ways; he would always recognize the feel of those fingers touching his.

Looking back up he stared right into orange eyes. Laxus' mien was unreadable, his usual stoic face. But there was something soft in his eyes, something Freed knew.

Slowly, he intertwined his fingers with Laxus' under the table. It wasn't often that they would hold hands at the guild, or at all really, and every time was special. This stage of their bond had taken some gotten used to. Now it felt so natural to be like this. To be open about their romantic feelings for each other and do couple things.

It had been a little awkward especially for the dragon slayer at first so having him initiate such actions meant even more than some might assume.

Finally, there was the hint of a smile on Laxus' face right back at him. He silently appreciated the gesture and the fact that Freed reciprocated it. The eye-contact didn't last long and they went back to enjoying each other's presence in silence for now. Their shoulders were touching fondly, their hands linked and right now they couldn't think of anything better to do.

Apart from, maybe, spending some time with their closest friends who now joined them at their table again with Evergreen continuously scolding Bixlow for anything he had done.

And honestly, it was such little things as well that they knew that everything was okay and how it was supposed to be.

[artificialqueens]

Something Near Perfect (Shalaska) - Lost Imp

Sharon leaned against the bleachers as she lit her third cigarette of the afternoon. She knew she had time for one more before cheer practice ended and she could take her girlfriend home. She watched as Alaska cartwheeled across the field for what seemed like the fiftieth time today. As much as Sharon could not stand the annoying cheers and bitchy girls, she rarely missed a practice. She knew Alaska liked her being there, it made her feel safe, she once told Sharon. Plus there was always Alaska’s gorgeous legs and ass stare at in her perfectly cropped uniform.

Alaska was very different to the other girls on her team. She didn’t spend her weekends at parties full of football players and drunk cheerleaders. In school she was quiet, soft-spoken and a little odd, which meant that she did not fit in with the Alyssa and her bitchy cheerleader friends. Alaska loved cheer because she had her two best friends, Willam and Courtney on the team with her. She had to put up with shit from the head cheerleader and her minions sometimes though, unfortunatley.

They loved to make little remarks on her messy hair and gangly legs. It didn’t bother Alaska when they criticised her appearance, she could handle that. It was only when they started mocking her relationship and the fact that she was gay that she got nervous. Alaska knew very well that her life could be made a living hell if Alyssa or any of the other girls wanted it to be. Of course she would never let Sharon know about any of this. She knew that her girlfriend would personally take it upon herself to make them pay for their words, and Alaska hated making Sharon worry. She did however, always feel safer when she could see her blonde haired, black clothed girlfriend smoking by the bleachers.

When practice finished, Alaska pretty much ran to the locker room to grab her things, and after making a quick promise to meet up with Court and Willam that weekend, she left to go find Sharon. She could feel a small smile that creep onto her lips as she walked out the school door and straight towards her girlfriend’s motorbike. She couldn’t wait to spend the next two days curled up in Sharon’s arms.

“Hey babe” she drawled, with a little grin on her face, “Miss me?”

Sharon simply responded by grabbing her tall girlfriend by the waist and pulling her in for a long, long kiss. When they pulled away, Alaska was grinning widely.

“You look stunning babe” said Sharon, her voiced laced with lust, “That uniform… it just…” she trails off and grabs at Alaska’s ass through her tiny skirt.

Alaska quickly spins away, laughing cheekily, “Do you want to at least try and make it home before you stars to fuck me?”. Her eyes sparkle mischievously.

“Feeling naughty, are we baby?” replied Sharon, eyebrows raised.

“Maybe” Alaska said quietly, before swinging her long legs over the back of Sharon’s bike, as Sharon climbed on in front of her. Immediately Alaska wrapped her arms around her girlfriends waist and lay her head on her shoulder before whispering in her ear “why don’t we go home and find out?”

Sharon could feel the hair on her arms stand up on end under her heavy leather jacket. The affect Alaska had on her astounded her sometimes. Just as she was about to pull her helmet over her head, she heard the irritating high-pitched shrieks of the other cheerleaders come out of the building behind them. Alaska hears them too and turns to look over at the girls.  

“Come on baby, let’s…”

Alaska is cut off by one of her teammates, Gia she thinks, yell out “Hey Lasky, going to fuck your sleazy girlfriend, you dyke?”. Alaska visibly cringes at the homophobic language, and begs for Sharon to drive away, fast.

Sharon’s eyes narrow at the laughing cheerleaders getting into Alyssa’s car. “What was that Alaska?” she moves to get off her motorbike.

“Nothing babe, please, let’s go” pleaded her stressed girlfriend, holding onto her tightly.

“Alaska if they’re“

“It’s nothing Sharon, please, let’s go. Please, we can talk about it at home”

Sensing her girlfriends distress, Sharon reluctantly turned on the engine, and pulled out onto the road. Alaska breathed a sigh of relief, but she knows she has a tricky conversation to navigate when they get home to Sharon’s flat.

When her mother had died, and Alaska had been left with her stepfather, she found herself spending most of her time in Sharon’s place. Needless to say her stepfather had no complaints. Sharon had been living in her flat for a year and a half now, ever since her parents had kicked her out. Both girls had jobs to pay rent, and the living situation worked out rather well for them. Sharon’s flat may not have been in the nicest part of town, but the interior completely made up for everything the exterior lacked in Alaska’s eyes.

She had spent a lot of time at thrift stores, picking out little items to decorate their little sitting room, finding matching plates and cups for the kitchen and cosy blankets for their bedroom. Despite their home having only four rooms, they both loved it.

Sharon dropped her jacket on the yellow coat hanger when they got home, and Alaska dumped her bag on the floor by the couch. She sat curled up into the couch and took out some work from her bag. Sharon went into the kitchen and started on making something for dinner. This part of their day was routine, both separately working in comfortable silence. Sharon cooked and Alaska wrote and it was so delightfully domestic but to an outsider looking in, the situation seemed completely out of place. This had never bothered either girl because the little life they had built for themselves suited them perfectly, so they really couldn’t care less if it seemed strange to other people.

“Food, doll” Sharon said, as she places two warm bowls of pasta at their funky little table in the corner of the kitchen.

Alaska jumped up and bounced over to her girlfriend, kissing her on the cheek before dropping herself down on her chair. She looked down at her pasta, before slowly picking up a piece and placing it cautiously into her mouth.

“Head ok love?” asked Sharon.

Alaska smiled up at her, releasing she was watching her closely.

“Head’s good. Thank you babe, it’s delicious”

Sharon kept her eyes on Alaska for a minute, making sure she really was ok. Satisfied that her girlfriend was eating and not being controlled by her head, she began on her own food.

“So Lasky, about what happened back at school, is this a regular thing? Are they hurting you? Do they always say those things?” Sharon asked, never one to beat around the bush.

Alaska loved that Sharon was so protective of her, but she didn’t want her to be bothered with a couple of bitchy cheerleaders in school.

“It’s fine, really Shar, they’re ignorant and they don’t know what they’re talking about. They aren’t hurting me and I don’t let it get to me. Please don’t worry” Alaska said calmly, hoping this was enough to reassure Sharon that there was nothing to worry about.

“You’re sure it’s ok? And do you promise to tell me if things get out of hand?” the older girl asked earnestly.

“Don’t I tell you everything babe? I promise don’t worry.”

They cleaned up after their food, Sharon content that Alaska had eaten most of the big bowl of pasta she had given her, they went to curl up on the couch.

After some time debating, Alaska agreed to let Sharon put on a horror movie, provided she would be allowed to cuddle up with Sharon in a position that would make it easy for her to cover her eyes when she got scared. This was a very easy compromise for Sharon to make, which led them to where they were now. Sharon in the corner of the couch with her girlfriends head on her chest, lying in between her legs, big blankets wrapped around them, twisting the beautiful blonde hair in front of her into little knots and untangling them again.

Something near perfect, Sharon thought.

[tirsaroundtheworld]

Hawaii

After a 3-movies-and-a-far-too-short-nap flight, we arrived in Honolulu. The change of scenery could not have been more different; jackets changed to boardshorts, scarfs and hats to sarongs and snorkel sets, hot tea to icetea, pinetrees to palmtrees and 10 degrees to 25. Yet, on first sight, we also found quite some similarities between New Zealand and Hawaii. The ancient Hawaiians share their Polynesian descent with the Maori and different aspects of their initial culture are still visible in both countries, though evolved differently over time. Both the Hawaiians and the Maori make use of a ‘tiki’ as a symbol for strength, their languages are similarly phonetic, they brought the same types of produce, have similar tattoos and generally have a similar look. Just as in New Zealand, the population now merely consist of transplants and people with partial Hawaiian descend, but the culture is still alive.

We arrived in Oahu, the 3rd largest island that, as we later learned, is referred to as ‘the city’. It also seems to be the least favourite island, which could explain the fact that we were slightly dissapointed. With the presence of the state’s busy capital city, its many highways filled with pressing traffic, its neverending supply of airconditioned superstores, its skyhigh pricetags and its honestly not that impressive scenery, Oahu came nowhere near our experiences in New Zealand (which, as must be said, had set the bar incredibly high 😂). After backpacking in cheap Asia and basic campinglife in New Zealand, we were now forced into a very American lifestyle, complete with a decadent rental car to get around, crazy supersize food portions, an instant cold due to the strong airco and staying in pricey accommodation, which asked for quite some getting used to. Luckily we stayed with a very nice couple in a centrally located airbnb, the mega cheap car rental deal that we had found turned out not to be a scam and got us rolling around in nothing less than a bright red Volkswagen Beetle convertable and we quickly got the hang of finding the most local spots to get a better feel of the island. We spent 5 days cruising all around the island and these where the highlights of our adventures:

# One thing one can absolutely not miss when on Oahu is Pearl Harbour. We rewatched the movie for the occasion and spent hours exploring the memorial ground and museums to learn more about the painful events that happened almost 70 years ago. An interesting experience!

# One of the downsides of traveling with a rental car is the need for parking space. Probably 99% of Hawaii has plenty of that, but we happened to stay in that 1% where finding a spot is a true struggle. Needless to say we were surprised to find a free spot, almost too conveniently close to home! A few hours later a nice and shiny fine on the windshield explained why no-one had parked there (and that the car’s rego was overdue).. Note to self: do not park within 10 feet of a fire hydrant or it will cost you. 😂 Gotta learn the hard way I guess, at least we managed to remain fine-free from there. 💪

# Oahu is Hawaii’s hikers’ paradise and we tried a selection of tracks, with the memory of our 3728272 breathtaking hikes in NZ still fresh in our minds and muscles. From all the hilltop views, emerald waters and dramatic coastlines we mostly enjoyed the hike to deserted Makapu’u Point with its beautiful views, from where we spotted two great whales jumping up and showing us their mighty tails. Awesomeee! 🐋

# Speaking of spotting sea life; we spotted our very first wild sea turtle while snorkeling in the beautiful and preserved Hanauma Bay. The very pretty and gracious fellow gave us quite a show too; for what seemed like hours he swam peacefully around the reef, going up to get air, going down to nibble on some tasty-looking algae (not) and getting up very close, seemingly interested in us too. And as if all that wasn’t enough, we shared this wonderful experience with another tourist who happened to be holding a HUGE super pro underwater camera. A big thanks to Richard for the photo-proof of this magical encounter! 🐢💖

# To end our time on Oahu in style, we went to watch the sunset at the famous and overcrowded but beautiful Waikiki Beach with our nice Airbnb hosts. The plan was to watch the weekly fireworks from the terrace where we had dinner, but it turned out that we were on the wrong side of the beach for that so the many tall buildings along the coast blocked our view.. The fireworks sounded beautiful though! We ended the night with a few drinks and dances in a very happy Hula bar, of which we never realized that it was a gay bar until we left. 😂 Time flies when you’re having fun!

In under half an hour we flew from Oahu to Kauai, ‘the garden island’. This beautiful island, the 4th in size and 2nd in highest prices, offers some of the most eye-popping scenery and is a lot less American and commercialized than Oahu. Forced by our last-minuteness, we booked the most expensive accommodation we had stayed at all year (and probably even EVER) but spent the next 7 days sleeping like royals. And this is what we did:

# One of the island’s main tourist attractions is the Wailua waterfall. With reason; the falls are truly beautiful and you can drive up all the way to the lookout platform for a magnificent view. Less touristy is the climb down to the actual bottom of the falls, which follows a muddy and steep drop down through thick jungle after you made your way over the fence that’s there to keep you from going there. Once we reached the pool at the bottom we were all alone (apart from some 38393738373 asshole mosquitos) and enjoyed a refreshing swim around the falls and its magical rainbows in the sunlight. 🌈💦

# As if celebrating your birthday with your bum on a stunning beach, dipping in crystal blue seas, staring at palmtrees and sipping from a cooled fresh coconut isn’t enough of a present, we treated each other to one of the most adrenaline rushing experiences we ever had: a skydive! After a first attempt was canceled due to the strong wind, we got up super early, drove to the tiny airport in pretty Port Allen, signed the piles of papers preventing us to have any possible reason to sue the company, got on board of the plane, enjoyed a short scenic flight over the Southern coast of Kauai, jumped and 3 minutes later gently landed back safely on the ground. Doesn’t sound like much, but WOW, what an experience!! I wish that moment of free falling had lasted forever, tumbling down and piercing through clouds, rain and even rainbows before the most amazing sights of the ground below open up in front of you. I was lucky enough to be given some control of the parachute by my ‘buddy’ who I was with in this tandem jump, so I could make turns and see all around while we slowly descended and the harness’s wedgy started to be increasingly more uncomfortable. Quite an exciting start of our 28th and 30th years on this beautiful earth! 🎉

# Along the line of extremities, hidden in the middle of Kauai is the extremely beautiful Waimea canyon - one of the most unexpected sights we found on this trip. Perfectly American we followed the stunning Waimea Canyon Drive all the way up to the step of the central lookout. Just before a stream of tourist busses arrived we took our time to soak in the breathtaking sight of steep cracks of land descending into a deep and colourful valley with beautiful waterfalls and perfectly snaky rivers as silver lining. For the first time Hawaii came close to some of New Zealand’s spectacular sights! We tried to lose the better parts of the crowds by hiking deeper into the valley, passing dense forests, exposed ridges, rocky slopes and countless sick views. We chased waterfalls, balanced on fallen trees and got off the beaten track; what a good day! 💖

# It took some time, but we finally accepted that Hawaii is much more of a place for a holiday than to travel around in. And as soon as we switched to holiday mode, we started to appreciate the comfort we found ourselves in rather than bothering the high pricetags while we could do with so much less. We adapted a slower pace and lined up right next to the seals to chill on Kauai’s stunning Tunnels Beach, found the most beautiful Secret Beach and snorkeled its amazing reef filled with bright fish and turtles, indulged in typical koi burgers and poke bowls, visited farmers markets and hung out in in our lovely Airbnb.

# Any visit to Kauai is incomplete without an encounter with the most amazing and historically important Na Pali Coast, famous for its sheer cliffs and lush green valleys. We found ourselves in the middle of the crowds marching along the muddy Kalalau track that goes rights through the Na Pali Coast state park, until we reached the beautiful Hanakapi’ai Beach, 4 miles into the track. Unfortunately, the views along the track were not as breathtaking as we had hoped and expected, and the crowded beach wasn’t a peaceful oasis to experiece the serene beauty of this special place at all. Nonetheless it was a stunning walk, but we realized that it is hard to experience a majestic place like this from right in the middle; it can better be enjoyed from a helicopter or by boat to see it as a whole. Oh well, at least we saved hundreds of Dollars by just exploring the area by foot. 👍

Warming up to Hawaii more and more we flew to The Big Island, obviously largest in size - it is as large as the size of all other islands combined - but also the youngest of them all. 8 of the world’s 13 climate zones exist on this island, and to us it seemed to be the most ‘Hawaiian’ with less tourists and commercial areas, more ancient Hawaiian sights and a lower pace of life. Upon arrival in Kona we were surrounded by black, solidified lava, which doesn’t look too paradise-y, but we ended up extending and extending our stay as there is so much more around and the highlights kept on coming:

# Going to Hawaii is equal to going surfing, so we had to hit the surf at least once. We were lucky enough to stay with a nice, retired local on Airbnb who took us and his surfboards to his favorite beach where we spent all morning being thrown around by the waves. Right away we were done with surfing, so instead of cruising the island in search of the best surf we got under the waves in search of the best snorkeling spots. Just for the record; the beautiful and insanely colourful reefs and fishes at Two Step won!

# Aiming for a slow afternoon, we went to Kiholo Bay. This peaceful bay is to be found at the end of a not so slow hike along the coast, passing several beaches, a beautiful Balinese house, some private mansions and a field of lava. But once there, it was all worth it; we found a stunning black sand nook and crannie that we shared with just sea turtles (many of them though 😍) to soak in some sun and test our new GoPro. All afternoon we didn’t see another human soul, which felt like a true miracle on Hawaii!

# The first few nights we stayed in Kona with the surfer host, who had ensured us that it barely ever rained on that side of the island. Ironically, we woke up the third morning (and actually already a few times during the night) in the middle of terrible rain and storm. We decided to move to the ‘Hilo side’ of the island, all the way to the east, where the weather is usually a lot wetter but the Airbnb’s a lot cheaper. We ended up in a perfect place on a hill just outside hippy-town Pahoa with the nicest hosts, who we ended up staying with for 12 days. They shared the best places to go and see, where to eat, what to do and what not to do and they took us to the local weekly food festival where we enjoyed local and nonlocal foods, live music and hula dancers. Spending some more time in one place allowed us to find our own favourite supermarkets, beaches, cafes and bars, plus get the hang of the directions! All the right ingredients to blend in and experience a more authentic side of Hawaii; we loved it!

# One of the most interesting and varied national parks of all of the USA is Hawai’i Volcanoes National Park. We spent a day exploring this widespread wonderland of craters, lava tubes, thermic activity, ancient petroglyphs, rainforests and spectacular coastal formations and special it was for sure! Especially our drive down to the Southern coast, when the sky cleared, the sun started setting and reflecting on te solidified lava and we could see as far as the end of the coast, was one to remember. And as if we hadn’t seen enough beauty, the park completely changed in the dark! We went back to the star feature of the park, the massive Halema’uma’u crater, the home of Pele, goddess of fire, that seemed all peaceful and quiet during the day but was now spurting burning, bright red lava!! Now that’s a seriously unusual sight for us Dutchies, wow!! 🔥

# Another unusual thing that we went to see is the summit of Mauna Kea, the world’s tallest mountain. What struck us as most unusual about it is the fact that you can just drive up to the summit, at 4.200 meters! Half way up the drive we made an half hour stop at the visitor center, to acclimatize to the altitude and to make a short walk up one of the cones. From there it took us under half an hour to reach the summit, where we got an out of this world panoramic view over the slopes of the mountain, the beautiful surroundings and over the incoming clouds. Unfortunately, it wasn’t clear enough to see any of the other islands - but hey, we were expecting less visibility after recent persistant bad weather! Being that high feels a bit weird, so we didn’t stay for too long before we returned - right in time to avoid the crowds that were coming in to settle for some star gazing. Sometimes you spend the afternoon in the supermarket, sometimes on top of the world’s tallest mountain! A ma zing! 🗻

# Another special place on The Big Island is Waipi’o Valley, which can only be reached by a steep road leading into the valley. One option to go down is by shuttle (a 15 min ride at max), which would cost us nothing less than 60$ a person, so we decided to ‘just’ walk down. Once we reached the valley floor, we found ourselves right in the middle of a blooming green oasis, the most fertile grounds, an abundancy of fresh fruits growing from the trees in and around the gardens of the hippy locals - who aren’t that approving of them curious tourists -, lushy cliffs all around, the smell of weed and free roaming ponies. No wonder the locals are really pressuring the governments to keep their policies out of this valley; time stops here. We continued to walk deeper into the valley, aiming to find a huge waterfall, but a few miles of walking, millions of mosquito bites (on my side) and a slip and fall in the river we had to cross later we learned that we had gone the wrong way and had to turn right back around… In the end we never found the waterfall, but we did end up at a beautiful beach where we enjoyed a picnic on the black sand before we struggled our way up the steep road out of the valley. An adventurous way to keep our summer bodies in shape! 💪

# We ended our stay on the lovely Big Island with a night trip to see Puna’s lava stream. Here, lava from the Kilauea volcano flows down into the ocean, which should be a spectacular sight. To get to the flow, we rented mountainbikes to bike 6 km into the volcanoes national park, from where we continued by foot. The flow was not strong enough to reach the ocean, so we started walking landward as we could see smoldering lava in the dark distance. We walked and walked and walked over the sharp and crunching solidified lava from previous streams, which must be the most deceptive surface in the world as we just did not seem to get any closer. Finally, after an 1,5 hours walk, we literally felt heat under our feet and started to see burning lava through the cracks of the lava we were walking on. Scary!! And just when it all started to feel slightly too dangerous for our taste, we bumped into the actual flow of burning, glowing lava! Wow, that truly was one of the most special things we have seen!! And very very hot, so after we took a really good look and some underlit pictures we decided to start making our way back. It took forever before we finally got back home, but whát an experience! 😱

Sort of sad to move on but ready for new adventures at the same time, we made our way to the airport. The rental shuttle dropped us at the smallest airstrip at the side the airport, where it turned out that we had booked two seats on a tiny 7 seat plane! Though the windy weather made the short flight significantly less comfortable, the stunning views we got while flying over the Big Island’s extraordinary landscape to and over Maui completely made up for it. We had heard a lot of good things about Maui and we had saved our last week on Hawaii to find out for ourselves:

# We were off to a great start when we checked in to a conveniently located Airbnb where our hosts happened to be a very fun couple of our age with who we really clicked! Even though they had adapted the ‘Maui midnight’ routine, which meant that they would go to bed at 8 pm and wake up at 4 am, we managed to spend some time together and really became friends. They had a reaaally cool dog too, awesome!

# One of the main attractions on Maui is ‘the road to Hana’. This road leads from the ‘commercial’ centre around Kahului to Hana in the rather remote and natural side of the island, passing beautiful, thick rainforest dotted with countless waterfalls, rainbow eucalyptus, lushy cliffs, stunning coastal views and food-trucks with local treats. After the ‘secret’ Bamboo Forest that we heard about, to be reached by climbing through the fence around the 6,5 miles marker along the road, turned out not to be the ‘hidden oasis’ that we expected to find, we continued to Hana with just a single stop for some fabulous banana bread, straight from the oven; a treat that cannot be missed on this road! Though honestly beautiful at times, the road was just dreadfully crowded with countless tourists including reckless Asian drivers. Hana itself is a tiny, sleepy place, where we just stopped for some chili dog before we continued our roadtrip along the coast. Even though it is a lot longer in miles, we decided to continue driving around the island, rather than driving back the way we came, and that was the best choice we could have made! Even though ‘the road to Hana’ is supposed to be the main attraction, we were blown away by the beauty of the road on the other side of the island! It took us along the most stunning coastal views - from where we could actually see almost all other Hawaiian islands! -, around a range of stunning, lushy cliffs and beautiful rivers floating through while the sun was setting and the sky turned fifty shades of pink. Where we drove the road to Hana almost in one go, here we literally stopped around every corner! Wow! 💖

# One of our absolute highlights on Maui was catching the sunset at the beautiful crater rim of Haleakalã. On the way to the top we enjoyed some seriously beautiful views, though they weren’t as impressive as Mauna Kea. We settled down on the West side of the of the crater rim, from where we watched the sun going down, through the crowds into the ocean behind the hills, completed by the sky’s brightly changing colours. Will sunsets ever get boring?

# All the way at the Eastern end of the Haleakalã National Park we went for a walk along the Pipiway Trail, which led us through thick forest, past a gigantic tree that looked all magical with the sun roaming through its many branches and into the most amazing Bamboo Forest that not even the ones in Japan could compare to. We kept following the path that got more and more narrow as we continued, with tons of branches of bamboo bending over us and closing us in. At the end we reached an opening with a waterfall and millions of mosquitos, so we quickly made our way back into the jungle. Hawaiian jungle must be the most beautiful we’ve seen!

# Maui seems to have it all; there is a commercial center with resorts and high-end shops, there is a quiet and natural side with countless waterfalls and thick jungle, there are beaches of all sorts and densities and there are many small and rather authentic villages as Kihei, Paia and Lahaina. We loved to spend our time roaming the tiny streets with cute shops, artist markets and peaceful parks, visiting museums to learn more about Maui’s whaling and settlers history and feel the vibes, while indulging in fresh smoothies, açai bowls and shave ice. We did save one of the bests for last!

# Our favorite beach on Maui was Big Beach, where we were lucky enough to meet some nice people to play beach volleyball with. We came back for the weekly beach volley ‘competitions’, which is a gathering of people who spend all day playing volleyball, chatting, swimming and drinking. Gotta love islandlife! 🤙

# As recommended by our new Airbnb friends, we made a beautiful hike along the Waihe’e Ridge. In under two hours, we climbed higher and higher, following the ridge and enjoying the most beautiful views over the ‘Iao Valey, the coast and the other side of the island. How I wish we would live in a place like this and could do this as our daily exersize! 💫

# We had our first couchsurfing experience! It took us a year, but we finally signed up and were accepted to be hosted by a lovely couple on the island. Other than with Airbnb, these people really invested in getting to know us a little bit, we had dinner together and we shared travel experiences. It is really interested to see how an experience changes when the influence of money is taken from the equation! Our stay really added to a genuine and authentic experience of Hawaiian life on Maui, and we hope to be able to return the favor one day as our lovely hosts come to visit us in NL!

And then, all of a sudden, those 5 weeks that seemed so long at the start had flown over and our date of departure arrived. Still sandy from our last day at the beach, we changed into our warm winter clothes on the airport and checked in. Bye bye summer, beachbums, palmtrees and coconuts; time to get used to some winter temperatures in Chicago! ❄️🇱🇷

[unicornmagic]

Untitled high school omegaverse

For @hannigram-a-b-o-library and SummertimeSlick, here’s a bit of the A/B/O AU where Will is sweet seventeen and goes into--you guessed it--surprise heat. Soshite Koi ga Hajimaru: Hannigram edition, basically.  

Assume this Hannibal is nice-ish, though exactly how nice is unclear. No sex, just age difference, heat, and bodily grossness. 

Edit: completed version now here on AO3.

*

Quiet in the hallways:  class in session.  The guidance counselor greeted Hannibal outside the nurse's office with a rueful smile.  

"Thanks for coming on short notice."

"Not at all," said Hannibal.  "How's the late bloomer?"

"Not happy," said Dr. Bloom.  "We haven't been able to reach his father—he's a contractor, does boat repairs.  Mom's not in the picture."

"'Not happy.'  Physical distress?"

"More emotional.  He thought of himself as a beta until today, and I think he felt secure in that identity.  It's a lot to process."

"It certainly can be," said Hannibal.  "A senior, you said?"

She nodded.  "Few months shy of eighteen.  He and his dad just moved here in August, before classes started.  There were some disciplinary issues at a previous school.  Nothing here.  Seems very bright, but he hasn't been very talkative."  Her smile grew self-deprecating.  "At least not with me."  

"Well, let's have a look and proceed from there."

Dr. Bloom ushered him into the office, to the door of a smaller room within it.  She knocked softly at the door.  "Will?  The doctor's here.  Can we come in?"

A hoarse okay from within.  Dr. Bloom opened the door.  The lights in the room were dimmed.  The walls were ugly cinderblock, institutional, grime-gray. There was a chair, a low cabinet, a narrow bed with a mattress covered in green vinyl.  A cotton blanket lay draped over the end of the bed, a nominal concession to some omegas' need to hide or nest.  

A young man sat on the bed with knees drawn up to his chest, ignoring the blanket, making himself small. 

His clothes were rumpled--gray shorts and plaid shirt, both of poor quality--but he was finely made, with startling features.  A nest of dark curls.  Pink ears protruding from them, darkened with a flush.   Eyes the color of an unruly sea.  They flickered up, then down as Hannibal entered the room.

The scent was delicate, unmistakable.  Nectar to a bee.  Hannibal took care not to audibly sniff.

Dr. Bloom stepped forward.  "Will, this is Dr. Lecter.  He can answer any questions you don't feel comfortable asking me.  I'll be right outside if you need me."

Will nodded.  He remained huddled on the narrow bed.  If anything, he seemed to shrink, flattening further against the wall.  He licked his lips.

"You're an alpha," he said, after Dr. Bloom had shut the door.  

"And a physician," said Hannibal.  "Between the two, I hope I may be of some use.  How are you feeling?"

"I think 'not right' sums it up."

"I'll have to ask you to be a little more specific.  Since you're presenting on the late end of what's considered the normal range, we want to be sure there's nothing amiss."

Will's look suggested that in his view there was plenty amiss, but he uncurled a little from his huddle against the wall.  "I feel feverish.  Overheated.  Like there's a film clinging to the surface of my brain.  When I woke up this morning I thought I must be coming down with something.  Then I got here and everything smelled all...high definition."  His lip curled.  "I'm also...leaking...from places that don't usually leak."

"Taking a suppressant will decrease the flow, but the effects won't be immediate.  Did the nurse or Dr. Bloom give you a hygienic pad?"

Will gave an awful grimace of a smile.  "I stuffed toilet paper down my shorts," he said.

"We'll get you something more suitable."  Hannibal opened his bag.  He took the boy's vitals, noting the slightly elevated temperature without alarm.  "Not unusual during the onset stage.  Feeling feverish and a bit hazy is also normal.  You may find yourself responding strongly to others' personal scents, particularly those of alphas."

"Like yours," said Will slowly.  "You smell--"  A long pause.  "You smell good."

Hannibal quashed his smile.  "Thank you."

Will blinked, then squinted.  The scrutiny seemed aimed chiefly at himself.  "Sorry, was that inappropriate?  Is being inappropriate a symptom?"

"A degree of lowered inhibition is typical.  If you continue to scent me, you may experience an increase in the flow of your natural lubrication--"

"No kidding," muttered Will, looking away.  "So it's like being on the rag, except I'll be leaking from a different orifice, and instead of cramps I'll have fits of lust?"  The back of Will's head met the cinderblock wall.  His throat worked visibly in an effort to swallow his fate.  "God.  How soon can I take drugs to make it stop?"  A thought seemed to strike him, and dawning horror with it.  "Do I have to wait for my dad?  Because I'm a minor?"

"Most non-emergency treatment would require parental consent," said Hannibal, "but there's an exception for 'family planning services.'  If you like, we can start you on suppressants immediately."  

Relief spread in Will's face, followed by a return of tension.  The mobile play of feeling was remarkable.  "How much are they?  I don't--we don't have insurance."

"Thanks to the pharmaceutical companies, I'm well supplied in the way of samples.  You can take your first dose now--" Hannibal reached into his bag and drew out a pill packet, "--but for a full supply, I'll need to stop at my office."  He paused.  "You're welcome to come with me.  There's a private room you can use to study or rest until your father can arrange to pick you up." He cast a meaningful glance around the room. "It may be more comfortable than this one."

"Can't imagine it'd be less," said Will.

*

The doctor's car was parked in one of the visitor spots, black and gleaming.  Will tossed down his book bag and slid into the passenger seat:  dark leather, immaculate.  Then the smell hit, and he nearly toppled sideways out of the car.

Dr. Lecter hovered, hand on the passenger door.  He'd opened it for Will, to Will's incredulity, like some kind of gentleman alpha relic from a previous century.  Will prayed no one in chem lab had been staring out the window to see it happen.  

Concern showed on the doctor's mild face.  "Would you prefer to have Dr. Bloom drive you?  I'm sure she'd be willing."

Will thought of Dr. Bloom, the stylish dress that clung to her figure, the tepid scent he'd never thought bland until today.  Her look of too-knowing sympathy as she'd handed him a hygienic pad.  She was a beta, but she knew what it was like to leak.  Will jerked his head in an emphatic no.

Dr. Lecter closed the door and came around to the driver's seat.  Will could barely hear the engine's purr when he turned the key. 

"Kind of car is this?" he asked, to distract himself from the scent, which was everywhere, dizzying, far more concentrated than it had been in the nurse's office.  His head tipped back on the leather headrest and lolled.  

"A Bentley."

Will peered at the dash as they pulled out of the lot.  "European?"

"British."  Dr. Lecter glanced sideways.  "Shall I open the window?"

At Will's unsteady nod, Dr. Lecter reached for the controls.  The passenger side window slid down.  The rush of clear, humid air from outside brought both relief and--from the just-wakened part of Will that appalled him--a twist of loss. He slumped toward the open window, this close to sticking his head through it to ride with his face in the wind like a dog.  It seemed a better choice than slumping the other way and plastering his nose to Dr. Lecter's sleeve.

His glance strayed sideways, to Dr. Lecter's hands on the wheel at eight and four.  Dexterous, confident in their grasp.  Will wondered how it would feel if they touched his neck, then tore his gaze away.

He wasn't gay, at least not if his previous attractions were anything to go by.  Insofar as he liked people, which wasn't much, he liked girls.  Alphas were mostly insufferable.  The idea of finding them sexy, if only under the influence of hormones--of slavering after their big alpha dicks--made Will want to claw his own face, or maybe the car's fancy leather interior.

Dr. Lecter kept his eyes on the road.  They were heading into the old part of town, the good part, all ponderous houses big enough to qualify as mansions in Will's mind, with broad porches and manicured yards and mature trees hung with moss.  

"Dr. Bloom tells me you're a recent arrival in town," Dr. Lecter said.  "How are you finding the school?"

"It's a school," said Will. 

"Are there many other omegas in your class?"

Will snorted.  "There's not even an AO students' union."  They were supposed to be five percent of the population, give or take, but he knew of only two omega seniors, both girls.  Families that could afford it didn't send their omega kids to shitty Louisiana public schools--coed schools, where they might get bullied or knocked up by randy teenage alphas.  He'd be the only male omega in his class.

Just when he'd thought maybe school would be endurable here, if he kept his head down and did his work.  A few more months, a few more credits and he'd be done, gone, off to basic training at Cape May.  Did the Coast Guard even let omegas serve on active duty?  He shut his eyes and pulled his arms close to his ribs.

At that moment a fresh spurt of wetness--slick, he thought, forcing himself to think it--oozed from his butthole, squishing up and down the crack of his ass.  Will stiffened.  He held himself rigid, praying it wouldn't soak through the pad, through his pants, stain the doctor's expensive leather seats.  

Even if it didn't, an alpha could probably smell it.  He should've asked to ride with Dr. Bloom, after all.  He turned his face miserably to the window's edge.  

"Will?"

"Sorry," rasped Will.

"There's no need for apology.  The changes in your body are--"

"If you say 'perfectly natural,'" said Will, voice cracking, "I will jump out of this moving car."

Dr. Lecter was silent for a moment.  "If you'd like to talk about what you're feeling, I'd be glad to lend an ear.  I'm no Dr. Bloom, but I've treated many young omegas.  Nothing you say will surprise me."

"What I'm feeling is that human biology is bullshit," said Will.

Dr. Lecter didn't smile.  "It may seem hard to believe at the moment, but in some cultures, presentation is an occasion to celebrate.  In Lithuania, omegas were considered blessed by Laima, goddess of birth and fate.  At first heat they were crowned with flower garlands and feasted, before and after."

"Lucky them," muttered Will.  He paused, considering the doctor's accent.  "Is that where you're from?"

"Originally, yes."  The car slowed.  "Here we are."

Will had expected an office building, but they'd pulled up to the curb in front of a stately double-gallery house, surrounded by other stately houses and a Catholic church.  A low fence of wrought iron lined the edge of the yard, too short to keep people out or dogs in.  Aside from that, it was a good yard: generous, green, shaded by a live oak that spread soft fingers of moss over the eaves. 

A sign along the sidewalk read, in neat gold lettering: H. Lecter, M.D.  Family Practice.

H. Lecter, M.D. rolled up the window and unbuckled his seatbelt.  As soon as the window sealed shut, the scent of him overtook Will again.  Will drew a shaky breath of it.  If he'd ever noticed how alphas smelled before, he'd found them off-putting, too musky, rank with masculine excess.   Dr. Lecter smelled intricate, with an edge of sweetness, like the trace of caramel in good bourbon. The kind you could get hammered on without regret.  When Will didn't budge in his seat, the doctor paused with one hand on the door.  

"Will you come in?" he asked.

Will turned his head.  He didn't want to move, and not just because he was afraid to see if he'd stained the seat.  Fucked up as it was, he didn't want to leave this small, dark, enclosed space that reeked of alpha.  Not for any place other than his own shitty bedroom in the shitty rental house.

The words welled up of their own volition, like slick.  "Could I maybe just...wait here, while you go in?"  He hated asking for things, and here he was, asking. His eyes met Dr. Lecter's.  He was pretty sure they reflected some portion of how pathetic he felt.  "Maybe I could get a ride home?"

Dr. Lecter's pupils dilated.  He hesitated for a second before he spoke.  "It would be best if someone remained near you, at least for the next several hours.  Adverse reactions to suppressants are uncommon, but not unheard of."  He looked conflicted, as if denying the request of a heat-stricken omega contradicted his principles.  "Is there someone who could stay with you at your home?"

Will looked away.  He could lie.  Invent a neighbor, a family friend, a local aunt.  Say they'd come over and keep an eye on him.  He shook his head.

"Not unless you want to.” He felt a dim disbelief at himself for saying it aloud.

"I'm more than flattered to be asked."  Dr. Lecter's voice grew gentle and low.  Will wanted to roll in it, and to yank back the part of him that wanted to roll by the scruff of its neck.  Yank it back and lock it up in a shed.  "I only wish it were appropriate.  Would you like to try again to reach your father?"

Reluctantly Will took out his phone.  The call rang, and rang, and went to voice mail, as it had when Dr. Bloom had tried before.  Will cut it off without leaving a message.  Dr. Lecter was watching, solemn-faced.

"He's not very good about checking his phone," said Will, hating that it sounded like an excuse.  "Forgets he turned the ringer off."

Dr. Lecter shifted toward him in the driver's seat, all earnest brown eyes and sandy brown hair that fringed over the side of his brow.  "I understand you'd prefer to be at home.  Let's at least see that there are no ill effects from the medication first.  If in a few hours all seems well, and there's still no word from your father, I'd be happy to drive you."

Will's shoulders sank.  It was hard to say no to an alpha, let alone one that sounded so goddamn rational and adult.  He nodded, silent.  He dragged his book bag onto his lap, then opened the door before Dr. Lecter could sweep around the car and do it for him.

As they walked up to the office, the doctor asked, "Are you hungry?"

"Not really."

"If not now, you may be soon.  Do you like profiteroles?"

Will squinted sideways.  "Why?" 

"Because I made some to share with my staff.  I'm afraid there's an excess."

Will shouldered his slumping book bag with a huff.  "For my presentation feast?"  They stepped onto the porch.  Through the front window Will could see an airy waiting room, a reception desk, a young woman behind it.  He sidled closer to Dr. Lecter without thinking.  "Do I get a flower crown, too?"

Dr. Lecter's arm came around Will, gently shepherding, as he held open the door.  "It would be my pleasure."

*

Continued on AO3

[royalfoxfics]

Art by Twin Doodles

Ao3

FF.net

In which Volpina makes her appearance, Chat Noir makes puns, and Queen Bee is a (mostly) useless Lesbian.

Chloe was falling through a pitch black abyss, completely void of any light or sound.  All she could feel was pain.  It was as if a hole was being drilled through her back.  She could feel it as it cut deeper inside of her, heading straight for her heart and then… It was gone.  

 The pain disappeared suddenly and without a trace, and instead of the horrible and nauseating feeling of falling, she felt as if she were simply drifting; all alone through empty space, with no sense of up, down, or even if she was breathing.  

 And then, she wasn’t drifting.  She was nestled against something soft and pleasantly warm.  Whatever it was, it was even better than the twenty-thousand-euro bed back in her penthouse.  She felt safe and very comfortable, and wanted nothing more than to snuggle deeper into whatever it was she was laying on, but her body wasn’t responding to her commands.  Her “bed” seemed to sense what she wanted, and she felt it shift and wrap two warm arms around her and hold her close.  It was a wonderful feeling.  

 The next sense to come back was smell.  Her lungs suddenly sucked air through her nose as if they had been completely empty, and her mind was filled with the scent of cinnamon and… something else.  She couldn’t put a name to it, but this new smell was completely foreign to her, though not at all unpleasant.  

 Next came her hearing. She could hear the steady thump of a heartbeat in one ear, and then two voices talking back and forth in the other.

 “Is she okay?”

 “Yeah, uh, she’s just, er… really excited to meet you!”

 The voices sounded slightly muted, as if from a long way off.  They were nice sounding voices, but hearing them was forcing her to pay attention and wake up, while the heartbeat was trying to lull her back to sleep. Her strength began to come back to her, and she used it to bury her face deeper into the nice smelling something that was cradling her.  

 One of the voices laughed softly.

 “Well, she’s certainly seems happy to meet me.”  

 Someone lightly caressed the side of her face, prompting her to unwillingly open her eyes.  Her vision was blurry at first, but as she blinked it back into focus, all she could see was an ocean of pure white.  She pulled her head away slightly and realized she was sitting up.  Turning her head, she saw a dark blue floor and some funny looking shoes that were attached to some legs.  Following the legs up, she eventually came to Chat Noir’s face leaning over her.  It was smiling down at her like the him that had eaten the canary.  

 That was a bit annoying, but at least he was a friendly face.  She dazedly looked back to her bed, and saw it had orange shoulders connected to the two white “pillows” she had been using, and a gold and orange necklace shaped like a fox tail. Following the necklace, she saw a high black collar that connected to a beautiful brown face, that had a friendly smile, a white and orange mask, and two hazel brown eyes that Chloe found especially fascinating.  

 “Hello there,” the lovely face said.  

 Chloe’s dreamy bliss popped like a balloon.  She was leaning on a pretty girl, no scratch that, being held by a pretty girl whose rather ample chest had been serving as her pillow for who knew how long, and this bushy haired angel was smiling down at her like there was nothing wrong with this situation.  It was literally a dream come true for her repressed little gay heart.  So naturally, she panicked.  

 She flung herself away from the beautiful stranger with every ounce of strength she had.  The girl let out a “Hey!” of surprise and fell over, while Chloe tried to stand up and run away at the same time.  The result was her stumbling wildly backwards, and as she did so her mind took in her surroundings and she realized that she was still on the roof, and in nearly the exact same position she had been in just a minute before.  

 Fortunately, Chat Noir was prepared this time, and used his staff as a guard rail to keep her from falling off the roof like she had nearly done earlier.  

 “Yeah, let’s not do that again,” he said, and then gave her a push forward that sent her tumbling back towards Volpina.  

 Volpina was still sitting up as Chloe came back, and they landed in a heap on the floor, with Chloe sprawled over Volpina’s chest again, and her head spinning.  

 “That, however, I could watch all day,” Chat commented.  

 As the two girls groaned and Chloe pushed herself up on her arms, Volpina sat up for the third time and the two came nearly nose to nose.  

 Their eyes widened as the two looked at each other, their faces barely and inch apart.  Volpina seemed surprised, but Chloe looked downright terrified.  Her eyes took in the vision before her, and tried to memorize all the details at once.  The way Volpina’s white tipped brown hair perfectly framed her face, the bright colors of her mask, the surprised but curious look in her sparkling hazel eyes, how soft her slightly parted lips looked, how close they were to her own…

 “You know, Queenie,” Chat said off to her left, playfully leaning on his staff and twirling his tail in one hand.  “I at least waited until my second mission before I fell for my partner.”

 Chloe’s already red face nearly burst in to flames.  Volpina tried to hide her smile, and Chloe shut her eyes tight and wrenched herself away from her as fast as she could.  She scrambled for the only safe place she could think of to save herself from dying of embarrassment, and made a mad dash past Chat Noir, grabbed one of his padded shoulders as she went by, and swung herself around to hide behind his back.

 “Is she okay?” Volpina asked, trying not to laugh at the just barely visible knuckles clinging to Chat’s shoulders.

 Chat looked back at the trembling girl trying to cut off circulation to his arms.  

 “She’s fine,” he said casually.  “She’s just not used to meeting new people.”  

 Chloe made a fist and hit him in the back as hard as she could.  He chuckled at the soft blow and turned his attention back to Volpina.  

 “So where’s Ladybug?”

 Volpina stood up and pointed to a tree on the opposite side of the park from their roof.  Chat Noir squinted, and could just make out a hint of red peeking out from between its’ branches.  

 “She’s over there. She’s waiting for me to make a distraction to lure away all the bad guys so she can rescue the hostages.”

 “Great plan,” Chat said. “Getting the civilians to safety should always be our first priority.  You got that Queenie?”  

 He looked back and saw Chloe nod her head vigorously while she continued to try to slow her racing heartbeat.  

 “Good.  Volpina, you and I can hop down once their distracted and help Ladybug release the hostages, then regroup back here and get Queen Bee. She, uh… transformed before her Kwami told her how to use her powers.  Classic mistake.  I did the same thing.”

 Volpina gave a nervous laugh and rubbed the back of her head.  

 “Actually, Ladybug says I’m not allowed in the field yet.  She says I need more training.”  Volpina rolled her eyes and huffed.  “Like she had any training on her first day.”  

 “That’s what I said!” Chat agreed, and Chloe hit him again.  

 Volpina threw up her arms in agreement.  

 “Right!?  Anyway, I’m supposed to just stay up here out of sight for now.”

 “Well, Ladybug knows best, I guess.  Anyway, you can look after Queenie for me then.”  

 Chat jabbed his thumb over his shoulder to point at the still cowering “Queenie.”  Her majesty had had enough of him however.  Without a word she grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him over behind a nearby chimney.  As soon as they were out of sight, Chloe grabbed him firmly by the shoulders and slammed him into the grey brick chimney.  She glared furiously at him.  

 “You have exactly three seconds to start explaining before I start inventing new ways to skin a cat.”

 Chat held up his hands.

 “Whoa, take it easy. I told you I had one last surprise for you, didn’t I?  You get your own partner!  Look, a few days ago Ladybug met me for patrol and showed me these two boxes, see? They looked just like the one I found Plagg’s ring in, and she said this old guy had given them to her so she could select some new superheroes to help us out.  One had the Fox Miraculous inside it, which she kept, and the other had the Bee Miraculous, which she gave to me.  She told me to give it to someone who was kind, trustworthy, and a strong leader. I only have, like, 4 friends though, and you’re the only one I would really call a leader, and you’re always kind to me at least.  Plus, like I said, you’re the only one who would really appreciate the freedom that comes with a miraculous.  So after a few days of thinking about it, I came by your house last night and here we are.”

 Chloe looked at him in wonder for a moment, then closed her eyes and shook her head.

 “Okay,” she said slowly. “So… why am I ‘Queen Bee’ all of a sudden?”

 “I thought it up while we were in the nurse’s office,” he said brightly.  “It just kind of hit me, you know?  Pollen’s all big into royalty like you said, right?  And, you know, you always act like you’re royalty all the time.  And you’ve got the whole bee look going on, so then I was like, BAM, ‘Queen’ ‘Bee’ get it?”  He smiled proudly at his own creativity.  

 Chloe looked at him dumbly, blinking every so often, as if not sure how her life had suddenly become so strange.  Chat’s face fell.  

 “Do you… Do you not like it?”

 “Huh?   No.  I’m mean, no Chat, I love it!  Couldn’t have come up with a better name myself.  Just...”

 She lifted her hands up to his collar, where they hovered indecisively as if not sure if they wanted to strangle him or not.  Instead, they simply landed on his shoulders and squeezed firmly.  

 “Next time, talk to me first before you make any major, life altering decisions for someone else.  Okay?  Please?”

  Her smile was loving, but also very strained at the same time. Chat didn’t know what to make of it so he just nodded.  

 “Uh, yeah, sure.”

 “Good.  Good…”

 She patted him on the cheek and took a deep breath before stepping out from behind the chimney. She forgot who was waiting for them, and let out a surprised “eep” when she saw Volpina looking at her.  She quickly dashed back behind the chimney, colliding with Chat Noir in the process.  They fumbled around for a second until separating themselves, whereupon Chloe began very casually brushing off her outfit and adjusting her hair.

 “You go first,” she said, waving at Chat.  

 Chat arched an eyebrow at her before strolling out from behind the chimney.  A second later, Queen Bee followed him out with her head held high and her shoulders back.  

 And her knees shaking when she caught Volpina smiling at her curiously.  

 “Sorry about that,” Chat said.  “Just had to have a quick word with my ward here.”

 He gestured at Queen Bee, who scowled and punched him in the arm.  Volpina tried to hide her smile, and Chat Noir ignored Queen Bee and continued.

 “Anyway, I’m sure we’ve kept my lady waiting long enough.”  

 Volpina nodded and pulled out the long wooden staff she wore on her back.  At least, Queen Bee had thought it was a staff, but then she saw Volpina hold it up to her lips and realized it was really a very long flute.  Volpina focused on the farthest end of the park. and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes and hesitated for a moment before playing a few short cords.  The music sounded rushed, but a ball of glowing energy quickly formed on the other end of the flute.  When she was done, she adjusted her grip and tossed the glowing orb at the spot she had been focusing on, as if she were casting a fishing rod.

 “Interesting technique,” Chat commented.  

 Volpina smiled and rubbed her head again.

 “My mom used to take me fishing a lot.  Look!”

 She pointed as the ball of light arced over the park like a shooting star.  It hit the ground with a small flash, and Chat Noir and Ladybug appeared.  Queen Bee looked from the Chat next to her, to the Chat across the park with Ladybug in amazement.  She was even more impressed when the fake Ladybug suddenly moved, and whistled loudly at the jeering minions.  Every head in the park turned to look at her.  Along with everything else in the park that didn’t have a head.  

 “Hey!  If you want our Miraculouses, come and get’m!” the fake Ladybug yelled.  

 The evil edibles cried out and charged at the fake Ladybug and Chat Noir.  The duplicates gave them a taunting wave, and started leaping from tree top to tree top, letting their pursuers chase them around and wildly hurl wooden spoons and spatulas up at them.  

 About fifteen or so of the minions stayed back to guard the hostages.  

 “They’re smarter than they look,” Queen Bee commented.

 “Just the way the cookies crumble,” Chat said, pulling out his staff.  “Volpina, you try to cover us with your illusions from here in case things turn sour, Queen Bee,” he gave her a quick wink, “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

 She nearly threw him off the roof, but he leapt away before she could get her hands on him.  She watched him pounce on one of the giant gingerbread men and smash it to bits.  She could also see Ladybug rushing in from the opposite side, using her yoyo to lasso an over grown cupcake, and turn it into a makeshift wrecking ball to smash the four-foot tall sugar cookies blocking her way.  

 “They make a good team,” Volpina said next to her.  

 Queen Bee jumped.  She hadn’t realized Volpina had gotten so close. She swallowed and kept her eyes fixed on the battle below as she tried to think of something to say.  Volpina just laughed.  

 “You know, you’re pretty shy for a queen.”

 Queen Bee blushed again and looked away.  

 “…I didn’t come up with the name,” she mumbled.  

 “Oh!  So you can talk to me.”  

 Volpina smiled and tried to lean around Queen Bee to catch her eye.  Queen Bee felt Volpina’s chest brush up against her arm, and the soft touch sent sparks of electricity shooting through her body.   She jumped away, her heart pounding, and Volpina backed away too, frowning.  

 “Sorry, I guess I can be a little too forward…”

 “No no, your fine!” Queen Bee insisted, waving a hand despite still looking directly away from Volpina.  “I’m just…”

 ‘gay.’

 The word echoed through her mind.  It was something she had been taught to be ashamed of.  Something she had hidden, feared, and hated about herself for almost all of her life.  She had tried her best to lie to everyone about it, even herself, but standing on that roof, alone with her new beautiful partner, she remembered that she didn’t have to lie about it anymore.  

 Queen Bee turned around and looked at Volpina with determination burning in her eyes.  

 “I’m a lesbian.”

 Volpina seemed taken aback, but whether it was from what Queen Bee was saying, or just the raw power she was saying it with, she couldn’t tell.  

 “That’s why Chat picked me to be Queen Bee.  I have to hide who I am when I’m… when I’m the other me.”  Her gazed dropped to the ground.  “But Chat promised that I could be who I really am, if I agreed to help fight the Akumas, so I did.  I’m gay, and I’m not going to hide it when I’m like this.  I-If that’s going to be a problem I’m sorry, b-but I’m not going to give it up so-”

 Her fear was beginning to override her courage, but before it could give out completely, two strong arms wrapped around her waist, and she was again surrounded by the lovely scent of cinnamon, and that other nice smell…  

 She slowly let herself relax into Volpina’s embrace, and after a few seconds, she hesitantly wrapped her own arms around her as well.  

 “It’s not a problem at all,” Volpina whispered in her ear.  

 Then she pulled back and cupped Queen Bee’s face, wiping away a tear from her partner’s cheek with her thumb, and they both smiled at each other.  

 “I think that is a great reason to become a superhero.  I mean, it’s certainly original.”

 They both laughed and Queen Bee let go to wipe her eyes again.  

 “So, yeah.  Lesbian superhero.”  Queen Bee looked down at herself and shrugged.  “Though I guess I’m not very super yet…”

 ‘or a much of a hero,’ she added to herself.

 Volpina scoffed and waved her hand.  

 “Don’t worry about it, girl. Ladybug’s got me on a two-foot leash. I’m not even allowed to wear my own miraculous unless she’s there to supervise me.”  

 She rolled her eyes and groaned.  Queen Bee looked amazed.

 “Wow, Chat only gave me my miraculous last night, and he wanted me to fight an Akuma my first time putting it on.”

 “Wana trade?” Volpina asked.

 She was clearly joking, but Queen Bee put a finger to her lips as if considering the offer.  

 “Hmm, depends.  Would I get to find out who Ladybug really is?”

 Volpina laughed awkwardly and rubbed her head again.  

 “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”  

 Queen Bee frowned, then shrugged her shoulders.  

 “Well, if her reveal went anything like Chat’s, you’re probably right.  He transformed right before my eyes and I still thought it was fake.”

 “You too!?”  Volpina exclaimed.  “The same thing happened to me, girl!  Like, she changed right in front of me and I thought it was just some fancy special effect! But it was right in my own room!  I didn’t believe it was really her until I started-“

 “-Trying to point out why she wasn’t!”  Queen Bee interrupted.  “I did the exact same thing!  And then when there weren’t any reasons why he couldn’t be Chat I got this really bad-“

 “-Headache, I know!  If felt like my skull was splitting open! But it was like there was this wall separating them and when I started poking holes in it-“

 “It was like someone cataclysmed your head.  Yep, exactly!  There’s got to be some kind of magic that keeps people from recognizing us.  And it HURTS super bad when it stops.”  

 “Ugg, I know,” moaned Volpina, “and I felt like a total idiot for not seeing it!  I mean she doesn’t even change her hair!”  

 “At least you probably weren’t raised with Ladybug,” Queen Bee grumbled.  

 “Yeah, I can’t imagine if I had a brother that was secretly a superhero,” Volpina said, shaking her head.

 “Yeah…  wait what?”

 Queen Bee looked up at her in confusion, but Volpina just waved her off.  

 “Girl, it’s totally obvious. The way you two talk, the way you move, the hair,”

 “Whoa, whoa, time out!” Queen Bee put up her hands in a tee, and gave Volpina a warning look.  “My gorgeous hair is nothing like that banana mop litterbox boy has on his head!”  

 Queen Bee waved at the park below, while Volpina wordlessly observed how Queen Bee’s ponytail started as a whole band of hair, but was clearly attempting to curl itself into individual bunches at the end.

“Mhmm, sure.”

 “Uh… Volpina?”

 Queen Bee was staring down at the park with worry etched all over her face.  One glance below told why.  The hostages were still tied to the posts, and Queen Bee and Chat Noir had been captured as well.  

 “Oh…” Volpina said. “Yeah, that’s probably not good...”

     Author’s Notes:

  Regarding Volpina’s name: When I started this fic Alya did not have her own superhero name, and the fans were still calling her Volpina. I hinted that there was a bit of disagreement over what she was called in the prologue, and I may end up changing her name before the saga is finished completely.  But for now, she’s still Volpina.  

 Fun fact, there was originally a line about how Volpina hated how Ladybug had named her after an Akuma, and at least Queen Bee’s name was original.  I had to cut it out because it just didn’t work with the flow of the story.

 Regarding Queen Bee: I don’t think I have ever read, seen, or even heard of a story where a person becomes a Super Hero specifically for the advantage of the anonymity to be themselves.  I can think of several Super Hero’s who are more true to themselves as Super Hero’s as opposed to their civilian identities, but it didn’t occur to me until I was writing this chapter just how unique Chloe’s motivations are.  At least as far as I know.  I can think of several Super Villain’s with motivations similar to that, but no heroes.  If you know of any other stories like this, please let me know in the comments.

[stellamai]

Let me tell you a personal story ...

It still astounds me how some people think that LGBT+ representation and visibility for young people isn't important, or should be labelled as an "adult theme". I was thinking about how when I was young, I would never wear pink. I detested it. I would never paint my nails, wear my hair down, wear makeup or skirts, play with dolls ... anything that was considered "girly", I despised and would avoid like the plague. In primary school, girls had the option to wear trousers instead of skirts, so I did so. I was labelled as a tomboy and mainly had male friends, who would occasionally tell me they had a crush on me when I felt nothing of the sort towards them. In fact, all of my sexual experimentation when I was young, when I had no idea of my sexuality or even that being gay was a thing, was with girls. I was around 12 at the time and only now, at 21, am I realising that I might be attracted to women. And of course, that is down to lack of exposure to LGBT+ rep when I was young. Heteronormative would be an understatement. I ended up going to an all girls high school, where I had to wear a kilt as part of the uniform. I don't remember minding too much, because that's what everyone around me was wearing. I also have some Scottish family members, so I was used to seeing old photos of men wearing kilts. I still wore typically "boyish" clothes out of school, usually in shades of blue only. By 5th form, I was beginning to wear my hair down. I would experiment with makeup sometimes and would occasionally wear brighter clothes. I wore dresses when I went to formal events, and enjoyed doing so. I'm sure my family thought I was just growing out of my tomboy phase but the truth is, I was slowly realising that the idea of all these things I had associated with being girly wasn't nearly as black-and-white as I had thought. I could wear pretty things and still feel good about myself. This was around 2011. Now, in 2017, I am perfectly fine with wearing the colour pink, wearing makeup and skirts and jewellery, (although I rarely do, but that's a personal choice to do with practicality), and expressing myself however I see fit. I've realised that my gender is fluid, but even when I don't feel like a girl I don't have to completely change my appearance to feel comfortable. This is in part thanks to representation in the media of people who are trans, non-binary, androgynous ... or just men like Ezra Miller, Jacob Bixenman, Reece King and so many others who challenge gender roles with an open mind and post pictures online to show the world that they're comfortable with who they are. Just seeing boys wearing dresses, wearing pink, wearing makeup, has made me more comfortable with doing the same, no matter what gender I identify as. (The same goes for women wearing fashion typically associated with men, who don't give a damn about stereotypes). It makes me happy that kids who are going through what I went through may come to these realisations much sooner and with more ease than I did because of the representation that is available today, but that won't happen if those regulating this media keep deciding that such representation is unsuitable for children. I've said it before and I'll say it again, there are 12-year-old girls getting pregnant and you think that LGBT+ representation in the media is what you should be sheltering them from? They should be educated on every aspect of sex, sexuality and gender identity. LGBT+ rep is not "unsuitable for children".