#perfect zetsu

[multifandomnonsense]

People will be like “The Akatsuki are so scary” and it’s literally a guy who hasn’t slept in a week, a weird fish, a DID house plant, an accountant, a guy who’s openly S&M, 2 fucked up art students, a origami enthusiast, a guy who won’t quit getting piercings, and a guy who can do a kick ass frilled lizard impression

[evilkitten3]

But listen, if Izuna had said yes to Hashirama's help after he was injured and he still died, would Madara rampage like in canon? Would he still chase the infinite tsukyomi?

the thing is, hashirama never offered to help izuna. i'm actually not sure he could have - the hiraishingiri pretty much cut through him like butter. moreover, while madara himself lauds hashirama's medical prowess, we actually know very little about his capabilities with medical ninjutsu. he could heal wounds without any hand seals, that's mostly all we know.

here are hashirama's words immediately after izuna is injured:

「マダラ・・・お前はオレには勝てない・・・もう・・・終わりにしよう・・・忍最強のうちはと千手が組めば・・・国も我々と見合う他の忍一族を見つけられなくなる・・・いずれ争いも沈静化していく」

"madara... you can't beat me... let's end it already. if the strongest shinobi, the uchiha and the senju, form an alliance... the country won't be able to find another shinobi clan able to counterbalance us... the conflict will eventually calm down"

he doesn't acknowledge izuna at all. whether he intended an offer of medical aid to be implied or not, it's never addressed. a bunch of people have claimed that this makes hashirama a jerk, and while i definitely get that viewpoint, i do think offering to help izuna without being absolutely certain he was capable of doing so would've been a terrible move, politically speaking. madara might have known that hashirama isn't the sort of man who would do something like this, but the rest of the uchiha clan would have no reason not to assume that hashirama didn't just take advantage of madara's kindness/trust/desperation/whatever to ensure that izuna died while potentially leaving room for madara to feel indebted to him for trying in spite of all the reasons he had not to bother.

hell, the clan might even come to the conclusion that madara intended for izuna to die so he could get his eyes, given what ended up happening in canon, so his fallout with them might actually happen even faster (and without the uchiha ever joining konoha at all, although without madara around to counter hashirama, i have no idea if/how the uchiha would manage against the senju from there)

all that aside, if hashirama had indeed offered help and izuna had agreed to take the risk and died anyway and the uchiha clan trusted that that was what had actually happened, i think pretty much everything else would've proceeded according to canon.

there's definitely plenty of fun possibilities to play around with concerning madara's path in life, but tbh i personally believe that without a massive deviation from canon, he would've eventually become who he became. hashirama definitely fucked up here and there, but i honestly don't think there was anything he could've personally done alone that would've changed madara's fate short of killing him back when they were kids, which he was never going to do. he was always doomed.

[thesauce8]

My appreciation of a character’s appearance drastically increases when I find them interesting. Like I will literally go from not really caring about their appearance to finding them gorgeous simply because I love their character. You can present to me an ethereal character and I won’t really care because they don’t interest me, but give me a raggedy one who I just love for some unexplainable reason and there’s no one more beautiful.

[tossawary]

I do like time travel fics for a variety of reasons. It can be fun to see a "perfect run" fix-it fic running through the canon storyline again. There is a little suspension of disbelief required for some of them, because at some point, the little changes for the better or big tragedies averted should start to mess with the world. Very good time travel fics take this Butterfly Effect into account.

It is VERY fun to think about time-traveling characters who immediately break the plot, because they fail to or don't even try to keep things on a certain track. I love seeing authors use this jumping point to explore entirely new directions for canon. It's off-roading time!!!

Some characters are happy to work within the systems of their worlds. They'll put up with the little indignities of having do to things again and are able to act their way through a redo. (And apparently have incredibly good memories, like, damn.) The cost of keeping things roughly the same is something that they're willing to pay in order to reap specific benefits at the end of the journey.

Other characters would prefer to break the systems of their worlds. They have no patience to play by someone else's rules if they have the power to do otherwise. They may think that the world is broken as it is and needs to be changed. They may be unable to let certain injustices happen again no matter the cost to their ability to predict the future. (I admit, I have a preference for this, because I think it's more interesting, and if the protagonist is a heroic figure, I like the idea that every single life is worth trying to save if you can try.)

Anyway, this is all to say that I just read the last 100 chapters of "Naruto" and apparently Naruto was the only person keeping Sasuke from following through on his unhinged and vague supervillain plans at the end there. If you sent Sasuke back into the past, let's say from a battle with Kaguya going poorly back to the Uchiha massacre or something, and he retains his adult body or any of his abilities (full Sharingan + Rinnegan)? I cannot see that Sasuke trying to give Konoha a shot again. I don't think he trusts like that anymore.

I think he would immediately 1) kill Itachi if Itachi forces him to do it and he can't convince Itachi to join his side, 2) kill Danzo and any ROOT agents who get in his way, (2.5) kill Zetsu and Madara if he can find and catch them, and also Obito if Obito forces him,) 3) kill or try to kill the Third Hokage, and potentially 4) try to declare himself the new Fifth Hokage. Winning a lot of these fights just by taking eeeeeverybody by surprise. Or something like that, you know? I think he'd at least try to immediately do some reckless revenge murder.

If time-traveling Sasuke is stuck in his child body for a redo, and can't set himself up as the new dictator of Konoha or the new shared enemy of the shinobi world or whatever, then I think that he might just run off and join Orochimaru again. I think he would make early deals with Orochimaru for the relative freedom that offers.

Like, Sasuke just does not strike me as a particularly stable person who gives a shit about maintaining a comfortable life for everyone around him. He does not care about Konoha's image. He does not want to settle complacently into a comfortable life within this corrupt state. I think he'd rather drag out the rot and set everything on fire than sit through the frustrating false civility of politics or go to school again, if he had any choice in the matter.

A time-traveling Sasuke would not behave like a time-traveling Naruto or Sakura! So, if I had to do a time-traveling Sasuke, I'd probably reach for the "break-it" rather than the "fix-it". Konoha struggles to deal with this new, mysterious, Rinnegan-wielding Uchiha who appeared out of the middle of an incomplete massacre, just killed the Hokage, and declared himself the new one, completing the Uchiha coup at the eleventh hour. (People are saying he looks like Uchiha Izuna come back to life, apparently???) Oh, shit, someone secretly go get Tsunade and Jiraiya right now, fuck.

[drowningindango]

....... Absolute crack theory. Based on nothing except my own headcanons about Madara and his personality. But actually I think I'm so right and correct.

Here we go:

Madara spent whole decades wasting away in the cavern until he unlocked the rinnegan. Nobody knows what he did. I think he spent it inside a genjutsu he put himself under. I think that man single-handled did the test drive for the Eternal Tsukuyomi on himself.

(and he got pulled out of it by the rinnegan of course)

If Itachi can speed run married life with Izumi, then Madara could do the same for his own idealised version of the life he wished for.

And a big part of me thinks that he did it because he thought Zetsu's faked stone tablet was a fluke at first. (Since the rinnegan didn't immediately unlock) It would make sense if he felt defeated at that moment. He just barely escaped the encounter with Hashirama, had to sacrifice an eye to fake his own death. He knew that he couldn't try to grab more of his flesh, not with only one eye. So maybe...he tried to make the best of it. Put himself under a genjutsu and live in a "better world". But since he can't pass off the chance that something still happens, he stays alive. Just in case. Just for that little chance. And then it does happen, the rinnegan unlocks, rudely rips him out of his dream, and he has to leave his perfect little world to bring the same kind of peace to everyone else.

[strawberry-milkbunny]

Naruto is my Roman Empire and I’ve been reading MadaTobi fanfics so these r my Founders Thoughts that nobody asked for:

- Tobirama had a crush on Madara and it PISSED HIM OFF like they def had hate sex at one point LMAO

- they literally worked together ur rlly gonna tell me they didn’t have SOME moments of civility btwn them?? (lowkey that’s wild tho having to see ur brother’s murderer everyday at work-I like Tobi but I’m just sayin)

I WANT A WORKPLACE SITCOM WITH THE FOUNDERS SJSKKSKS:

- Tobi doing experiments and scaring the villagers

- Tobi teaming up with Madara to make Hashi do work

- Hashi making flowers w/government documents

- Mito sipping tea while encouraging Tobi to revive the dead

- everyone in the Tower side eying the sexual tension btwn Madara and Tobi and them never denying they’ve fucked before

- Toka cackling in the background

- Hikaku spraying water at Madara like a cat every time he throws a temper tantrum

- Kagami popping in to make sure his clan head doesn’t kill his teacher PERFECT SITCOM MATERIAL

- totally personal preference: Naruto should’ve had more BLOOD AND GORE. I wanna see the grittiness and horror the shinobi world actually is and how revolutionary Naruto as a character is by choosing peace over violence. The only time we get that is Obito vs Kiri nin, Uchiha Massacre, Wave Arc, Orochimaru…before it turns into DBZ fights

I’ve said this before: Sasuke was in a seinen Naruto was in a shounen

- the warring states is literally the perfect place for exhibiting the horrors of war and humanity. Bloodline thieves, child hunting squads, GIVE. IT. TO. ME. Madara and Hashirama experiencing all of this and wanting PEACE FOR THEIR YOUNGER BROTHERS UGHHH ROBBERY‼️‼️

SORRY TW IMPLIED SA !!:

I HC that bloodline thieves is prob why Madara wears gloves….being a YOUNG (he’s been on the battlefield since he was 8??) powerful, prodigy and future clan head of a famous kekkai genkai it makes sense why he doesn’t like skin-contact/sexual repression and repulsion. And why we don’t see female Uchiha shinobi (excluding misogyny) simply bc there’s such a high risk of SA in this era

Moving on:

- Tobi and Izuna were jealous of how their brothers were being taken away. It goes past the senju/uchiha rivalry like they were just kids and were plain jealous.

- Madara and hashirama def share 1 brain cell LOLLL. Like they’re besties for a reason, Madara acts likes he smarter but nah he’s as much of an idiot as Hashi is. They’re both dreamers let these boys live and skip rocks together!!! 😭😭

- let’s be honest: Tobi built the village. Mans was doing ALL the logistics and infrastructure

- tobirama is soooo second son/eldest daughter coded it’s not even funny. The SPARE, serious and emotionless bc he needed to always clean up after his siblings, DUTIFUL, prob has a praise kink etc.

- Madara is an eldest daughter who also prob has a praise kink and touch starved

- NONE of the founders r well adjusted like they went from spending everyday of their lives at war to tryin bring peace and start essentially a ninja-revolution (PLS GO TO THERAPY)

- madara was just the most open about it: being isolated and feared by his own clan BC he was powerful, trying advocate for the village and peace, all while grieving for his last brother…yeah it makes sense y he went crazy or at least wanted to leave (fuck Kishimoto for that Kaguya bs and fuck Zetsu)

- I don’t actually believe he was trying destroy the village idkkk. I think he was trying to do an SNS aka using fighting as a way to communicate with Hashirama and well…yIkEs

- tobirama is 1000% unadjusted: mans literally created a Justu to revive the dead. You cannot tell me that doesn’t REEK of desperation and loneliness. He’s lit rally the OG mad scientist

- hashirama rlly thought sealing the Bijuu and giving them to each village was a good idea….sir WHO TF GIVES NUCLEAR WEAPONS TO SHINOBI???!! 😳���

- I think hashirama and naruto lowkey can be summed up as: a powerful idealist. Which is a very dangerous combination. Take that how you will especially considering how shinobi thrive off of violence….it kinda makes sense how we ended up with canon Naruto

- Madara has a god complex and knows it. Hashirama has a god-complex and doesn’t know it. (God of Shinobi title def got to him and understandable)

- the founders failed and they know it. But I also kinda love it?? They’re so flawed and human as leaders and you can see how their mistakes drag into Canon Naruto. It also makes me so sad knowing that Konoha was built to prevent child soldiers and give protection only for it to actually be WORSE (Kakashi ITACHI SANNIN ik for a fact it must’ve hurt Hashi to know ur own granddaughter left the village)

Uchiha are: love is the death of duty while the Senju are: duty is the death of love and neither of them will forgive each other for picking one over the other‼️‼️‼️

- proving this ^^ w/Hashirama’s weird af characterization: aka him being a loveable idiot but at the same time CONGRATULATING Itachi for killing his own clan for Konoha…. I feel like that rlly showed me how much of a war veteran/shinobi Hashirama actually is and how he will always pick duty

- we were ROBBED of baby Kagami/hokage Kagami 😤😤😤 I’m sorry Kagami should’ve been made Hokage it just makes sense personality wise and politically wise. The only way I could see him not take it is bc he needed to be a clan leader/placate the Uchiha/help Hikaku.

- I wanna see him process the loss of his clan leader, teacher, and eventually friends to a point where Danzo takes his eyes

- everyone on Team Tobirama had a crush on Kagami at one point

- one of my fav HC: Tobi and Madara co-parenting Kagami. There’s no way Madara didn’t check up on Kagami being taught by THE senju which makes his defection hit harder for Kagami 😭😭

- BABY SANNIN ‼️‼️‼️ Tsunade was old enough to meet and remember Hashirama it makes sense that Oro and Jiraiya meet the founders

- omg could u imagine being Edo Tensei Hashirama?? Ur granddaughter’s weird friend revives u using the Jutsu ur brother invented that you specifically FORBID 😭😭

- Hashi and Tobi staring at Orochimaru like “you look familiar???” IT HAS SO MUCH COMEDIC POTENTIAL

- Mito revolutionized female shinobi like she’s def the reason ppl realized that girls can fight (Senju Toka was an exception) STAN MITO 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

- Mito pulled a Tsunade and mentally yeeted out of Konoha after Hashi and Tobi died. Bc the way we NEVER hear about her and Hiruzen interacting except for Kushina, even tho she’s literally RELATED to the other 2 hokages….ROBBED 😵‍💫

- I HC: she was dealing w/grief (the fall of Uzushio made it worse) and she was lowkey pushed out of the council by Danzo FUCK DANZO

- I love the idea of Mito wooing for Hashirama’s hand/politically smart Mito!! It was a political marriage that grew into love. There’s no way she DIDNT suspect an attack on Uzushio lik it’s literally an island w/Kiri as it’s neighbours….Konoha gets recognition and stability while Uzushio importantly gets mainland allies

- Mito tops btw she’s def pegged Hashi before 🫢

- if Madara or Hashi had sisters/born women they would’ve def had a marriage to solidify their alliance. This makes Japanese homophobia not make sense esp in the shinobi world bc their clans trusted each other w/o backup like marriage?? Idk I’m just kinda confused y it was never even brought up for an alliance…

*cue MadaTobi arranged marriage au 100k, enemies to lovers, slowburn*

- also to dude bros homophobia has no place in the Naruto world (and IRL BTW) outside of making heirs. They’re literally MERCENARIES You telling me Kakashi has never fucked another man for information before??? Pls be serious I’m begging y’all 🙃🙃🙃

- there’s def family drama amongst the senju!! Idk I feel like Hashirama and Tobirama have the relationship of: “they love each other but don’t like each other” which makes Madara’s inclusion even worse for the brothers’ relationship. Like they def always had each other’s backs but never actually felt like they understood each other.

- I wish more fanfics/canon covered the shinobi-civilian politics more (I love politics lol give me world-building kishimoto 😤)

- Civilians hold power. THEY have all the MONEY to pay shinobi

- I’ve rlly only seen 1 fanfic that involves the Fire Daimyo during the Warring States Era (Into the Wide Blue Yonder it’s a KakaSasu Time travel fic that actually ✨works✨ 12/10 recommend) but it’s true.

Wtf is the Fire Daimyo doing during this era??? Why is he being so placate about Senju/Uchiha war unless he just sees it as entertainment?? How have shinobi NOT fought against rich civilian politicians before?? (Introducing Maoism to the naruto world lol 🤔🤔)

- Kishimoto curse ur goldfish brain….

- the uchiha and senju were def broke in this era, LMAO especially the Uchiha and I mean resource wise. War is EXPENSIVE the Uchiha don’t have Hashirama and Mokutan, they couldn’t just grow food whenever they wanted. It makes total sense that they would agree to a ceasefire just to prevent STARVATION

- once again…. robbed in terms of seeing the aftermath and devastation of war and learning how to live in a morally grey, politically unstable, resource limited world which could’ve brought in the ultimate themes of peace and the cycle of violence, and the question of if violence and war is ever justified, but…..no ❤️

[succikko-draws]

My gift for the hilarious @ladytyburn for the Nagato Birthday gift exchange! Expanding again on her office AU (this is why Kisame has been un-fished a bit YES it felt wrong but I'm strong)

[Image ID: A three page digital comic about Nagato's birthday.

On the first panel, Konan seems to be thinking hard, a cup of coffee in her hand, Itachi stands next to her and asks: "What's wrong Konan?" She explains: "It's Nagato's birthday on Tuesday... And I don't know what to get him..." Itachi innocently answers, thinking about old Madara: "Oh I know the struggle, I never know what to get my grandpa. Old people haha." She put a hand on his shoulder, and tell him through gritted teeth: "Itachi... Nagato is 35." Itachi is very embarrassed and apologizes. Before he can add anything he's interrupted by Deidara who put his hand on Itachi's shoulder, saying to Konan: "You could buy me art!" She asks: "Can you guarantee it won't explode?" to which he answers: "Nope!" so she dismiss the idea. Hidan includes himself in the conversation, suggesting: "Easy! Buy yourself lingerie and surprise him!" Deidara and Itachi are mortified, scolding him: "Hidan! That's so inappropriate! And you can't theorize about the boss' private life!" Konan dismiss the idea, unphased: "Nah I already have enough and picked one already for that night." Itachi is even more mortified, feeling like this is Too Much Info. Sasori chimes in holding a doll still in her box, suggesting it for the present, but Konan dismiss it as well. She says: "I want something truly special. More personal-" Sasori attempt to chime in again, saying: "A you shaped doll-" but she angrily dismiss him again, pushing him down with her hand. Kisame tells her wisely: "You know him the best, Konan. Trust yourself. Pick something that will make you think of him."

On the next page, Konan is out of the office, wearing casual clothes with a small green backpack and wanders what seems to be a mall, still upset and thinking: "... Something that will make me think of him..." Her attention is caught by something and she smiles at last, saying: "Oh! This is!..." On the next panel she holds a book over her head triumphantly, exclaiming: "Our old teach's new book!! Yes! This is perfect!! He loved the first one!" She is standing next to a book display with a poster of Jiraiya in a funny pose and goofy expression, the poster reads: "New! By 'best seller' '''author''' Jiraiya." On the next panel, time has past and it is now Nagato's birthday. He is late at work, just closing his laptop, appearing tired and saying: "-Sigh- It's already 7 pm. I didn't see time pass by... Again... Time to go home." But as he comes out of his office on his wheelchair (wearing his coat and froggie slippers), he is surprised by loud exclamations and the pop of multiple party horns and confetti thrower. His employees yells: "Happy birthday boss!!" While he looks horrified and genuinely scared.

On the next panel, the office is all prepped for a party, a tablet is set up with Zetsu the plant (wearing a bowtie), a cake and a bottle of champagne. Hidan is holding balloons and is yelling, pointing at the table: "We even got you a cake!" A banner hanging on the wall reads: "Happy 635th birthday!" Deidara is screaming: "I got fireworks!" holding one up in the air. On the side, Kakuzu is sleeping on an office chair next to a table with a cup on it. A caption reads: "was drugged to avoid a money tantrum." Nagato is all confused, hair disheveled by the shock. Konan is standing in the middle, holding her present, looking all embarrassed, she tells him: "I'm so sorry, I didn't know they'd do this..." She then give him the present, watching him unwrap it with a soft smile, reminiscing a dear memory of their teacher putting his hands on their head when they were kids, Nagato holding his book preciously. She says: "I took Kisame's advice and picked something that made me think of us... I think you'll love it." The background behind her is made of grey and pinkish roses. But when Nagato unwraps the book he totally misses the author name and is instead shocked to read the big warning in the corner: "R18, this is porn." He turns red and sit shocked and confused with the book in his hands. The background behind him is a collage of ahegaos (I'm sorry). Konan put her hands next to her face, smiling wide and asking: "So... Do you like it?" Next to her is a caption pointing at her: "Genuinely did not check." She looks so happy but Nagato is still red and confused, he doesn't want to offend her and ruin her happiness so he answers: "Y-yes thank you." Everyone in the room (even the plant) looks at him with a knowing naughty smile as he gets even more embarrassed, Nagato frowns wondering: "Why in front of everyone!" /.End ID]

[al-hekima-madara-blog]

Is Madara weaker than Hashirama?

Call me a Madara apologist but the idea that Hashirama always beats Madara is wrong.

It is correct though to say that after Izuna's death, Madara was never able to catch up with his rival. All his will was about protecting his kin and specifically his last brother. When he lost all of that, yes he found an other goal corrupted by Black Zetsu, but because it was so different from his true nature, it wasn't able to push him enough to surpass Hashirama. The infinite Tsukuyomi is a way to cope with the loss of his hopes that died along his brother. You notice how it lacks creativity, all the plan was written down step by step by black Zetsu and it consisted for Madara to just froze the whole world into a dream and stop fighting anymore to make the world a better place. Also I won't be surprised if Madara developed this fangirling for Hashirama's power after his defeat at the Valley of the end. If we're honest, the gap between them isn't that big considering how both of them were exhausted in the Valley of the end 0.0. It was one wooden clone close, if I may say! But this small difference was lethal and changed the whole history of the shinobi world. And maybe Madara crystallised (or froze) that moment as a trauma he can't overcome. It's as if for instance Naruto gives up working harder after losing against Sasuke at the Valley of the End 1.0 and fantasizing how powerful was Sasuke's sharingan and that it is the ultimate dojutsu that he has to steal in order to become stronger. To put in a nutshell I believe that if Izuna was still alive and his clan still supporting him, maybe Madara wouldn't have been so impressed by Hashirama and would have found new way to counter his mokuton ( and there is a lot of way to counter it I should write a post about it🤔). It's always the same pattern with Madara, his actual weakest point is his sensitivity, not his physical abilities or his might. Losses and failures had a huge toll on him and brought him into despair rather than being a fuel to try harder and endure like Hashirama or Naruto.

There is this moment during the war when Madara stole Edo Hashirama's senjustu and he's shocked how easy it is for him to control it. All those years he was scared to master the Senjutsu because he put Hashirama's power on a pedestal only to realise he could have done it earlier if he had believed in himself. We don't know how fast the training was for Hashirama but we know that it took a long time for Naruto to master it at the mount Myoboku even Jiraya was never able to get the perfect form. Madara did it in 3 sec...

In other translation he precises he thought senjutsu was harder to master

"Madara's back touched the ground for the very first time"

Let's go back to the first illustration. between their first encounter by the river and Izuna's death. Hashirama admitted that it's the first time Madara was K-O.

What can we guess about that? From the moment they met when they were 12 years old by the river to approximately 25/26 years old (Izuna died at 24). They might have been moment when they finished ex aequo, or that one side strategically retreated or that Madara had a real advantage over Hashirama and vice versa Hashirama took the lead in a different battle. Why? Because we saw that dynamic played between Sasuke and Naruto. Sasuke was first introduce as the genius while Naruto like the dunce. After Jiraya's training, Naruto lead. Then Sasuke took over after the valley of the end 1.0 and his three years training with Oroshimaru. During the 4th Shinobi war we can say that they were both equal with a small advantage to Naruto having a quick power up when he learnt to work with Kyubi. Then Hagoromo gave them the same power in order to beat Sage Madara and later Kaguya. After the Valley of the end 2.0, Sasuke conceded victory to Naruto's ideology but technically they both ended up equal, losing both an arm. And all of this is happening during a short period of 5 years from their 12 years old in team 7 to 17 years old at the conclusion of the Fourth Shinobi war.

What Naruto and Sasuke developed in 5 years during 700 chapters we have it resumed in this single panel above for Hashirama and Madara that spent about 15 YEARS fighting each other regularly in battlefields. That panel resumes perfectly all those years before Konoha was founded. All this period without seeing details about their personal lives, their clans or their training. ~by the way my fanfic ~Madara golden Age explores this period of Warring state era if you're interested here 👀~ Obviously they went through a lot of challenges and hardships, losses and victories from both side. If Uchiha were hired to fight Senju it's because their strength were heavenly equivalent. Madara had to win from time to time against Hashirama and the Senju clan in order to be credible, to be hired by warlords for years and to feed his clan. Life expectancy being 30 years and both becoming leader of their clan before reaching this age means they respectively lost clansmens, friends and their fathers during the warring state era. They are the powerhouse they are because it was a dire matter of life or death. Yet Naruto the manga is focused on the moment Madara lost everything that matters to him, so naturally he kept losing against Hashirama hence why he's seen as a perpetual loser. Being the main villain, it's normal that his fall into darkness is more interesting to the plot that his glorious days. In the end, the story is always written by the final winner.

[doumadono]

Sinful Sunday thing I have a headcanon that Aizetsu when he has a partner is a sweetheart to them out in the open (well- at night) But in private? OH BOY he can't keep his hands off of them, he's Rough with them, making them unable to think. You want him to breed you? Oh honey, you aren't leaving the house until you are full of his cum and knocked up. He loves it when you are the one on top, making him beg and whine

Oh, dear! 😳 I absolutely agree with your headcanon! The duality of Aizetsu's behavior, sweet and caring in public but passionately intense in private! I believe many fans of KNY might have a misconception about him, almost always perceiving him as the least formidable among the clones, frequently overlooked and seen as the timid one.

SINFUL SUNDAY

You straddle his hips. He feels his cock rub against your wet thigh.You raise your arms and slip off the t-shirt, casually tossing it to the side. Your breasts gently jiggle as you adjust your position. You shuffle up to his dick and starts to stroke it, aiming it at your already soaked pussy. You slap it against yourself, rubbing the shaft with your slit mockingly. "I can't wait for you to fuck a baby into me," you tell him and he gasps, his lips parted.

You rearrange your hips again and gently lower yourself onto his cock.

Instantly, both of you let out sighs of pleasure. You nibble on your lower lip, beginning to sway sensually, moving back and forth. He groans, again falling into the ocean of sexual euphoria. He's never been inside a girl so tight and wet. Your cunt stretches and grips to his cock perfectly, like the last puzzle piece finding its perfect place, completing the picture.

"Fuck," Aizetsu grunts deeply. His cock jerks inside you. He feels your pussy muscles clench around his throbbing cock and you start to buckle and jerk your hips faster, moaning and babbling gibberish into his ear while tears stream down your face. "Fuck me, baby, I want you to fuck me. This pussy is yours, just yours, 'Zetsu!" You nearly scream, your head rolls back as you increase your pace, supporting yourself on his muscular torso. You continue to bounce up and down on his cock as you orgasm and Aizetsu starts to feel himself getting closer to the final destination. You whisper to him, "Cum for me, baby. Be a good boy and cum for me. Fill my cunt up with your seed. I love you so much, so fucking fill me with your cum like a good boy you are."

He's fucking up into your needy pussy. "Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck," Aizetsu curses. "I'm gonna cum, gonna cum, please baby, let me cum, holy shit?!"

"Hold back!" You caution him, your hips freezing in their tracks as you peer down at his flushed face, his eyes gleaming with unmistakable desire. You lick your lips, grinning at him. After a moment, you execute a single, deliberate roll of your hips, and that alone is sufficient to send him over the edge.

Aizetsu's orgasm is heavy and thick, and he feels his throbbing, exploding cock inside you, coating your cunt and cervix in thick ropes of seed.

"That's my good boy," you praise him, leaning in to capture a tender kiss from his lips.

[eularin]

If you stop to think about White Zetsu, really think of him as something other than a weak and silly character and ignore the Dark part that is more intelligent and manipulative, you will realize that White Zetsu is (has the potential) to be truly scary.

He may not be a skilled fighter, or even have the power of an Ex-Deus Machine, but the little he has, if used well (and it was used well during the 4th war) can bring down Nations.

We know that White Zetsu can copy anyone so well that I call it the perfect clone. His trick cannot be discovered by anyone other than a true mastered Sage. (That's what happened during the 4th war. The entire Shinobi Alliance was defeated by the Infiltrator Zetsu and they were only able to get rid of him thanks to Naruto. If it weren't for that... well. The history would be quite different, right?)

Another thing my brain has been struggling with lately: it is proven (official Canon) that White Zetsu is a cannibal. 🤯🤯

Obito was patched with Zetsu parts in him. My HC is that Obito had half of his body and some organs replaced/patched with Zetsu grafts and because of that he doesn't need to eat or sleep much. He heals super fast and doesn't do his physiological needs very often. (My HC Obito is a super BAMF Frankenstein monster, still very handsome and seductive, with high levels of craziness. I love him)

My main point is: if Zetsu is a cannibalistic plant, and Obito is half Zetsu... does that mean Obito has some latent hunger for human flesh? 🤯🤯

Maybe poor Obito just didn't realize it. He may not have noticed it before or he ignored it and thought it was just normal hunger. (he was too busy being a creepy stalker; hyper focused on plotting world domination; he may have ignored the weird hunger altogether)

Oh, so many possibilities for this scenario... (Did Obito feel hungry when he smelled blood? like a traditional vampire!!! or something darker)

Maybe Guruguru will be the one to reveal the truth. 😬

[tora-the-cat]

Obito sees madara show up and his first thought is 'please be a a hallucination please be a hallucination please be-' and then madara says hi and obito. Almost screams. Kill Bill sirens he's going to hunt kabuto for sport no perfect world for that bitch. But of course at this point his panic response has long sense deadend into condensing and/or spiteful Banter. And madara is just amused that blorbo from his cave thinks he grew a backbone cause Madara's got this headache inducing mix of arrogance and love that makes him surprisingly trusting in general. Like that's why he keeps getting betrayed from everyone to hashirama to zetsu

[imadumbshark]

The Senju Kekkai Genkai

I'm pretty sure the senju kekkai genkai isn't actually mokuton, that's just a by product of their actual kekkai genkai which was proably a genetic predisposition to nature chakra.

I believe the mokuton is a specific alignment of factors that correlate to create the perfect circumstances for it to present. Namely, a water and earth nature affinity, VERY good chakra control (which is clearly a trait of the main family senju line, if hashirama, tobirama, and tsunade are any indication), AND a predisposition, or at least a learned ability, to passively absorb nature chakra (which even Naruto couldn't do, he absorbed it actively).

That would explain why the mokoton is so rare despite kekkai genkai usually being dominant genetic traits in large blood-related family groups (Uchiha, Hyuuga, Hoshigaki, etc) because even if all the senju family could passively absorb nature chakra, few of them hit the rest of the necessary factors.

Take for example Tobirama, hypothetically he hit 3 of the 4 required factors to create mokuton (water affinity, chakra control, nature chakra) but because he was missing that 1 single factor (earth affinity) his kekkai genkai presented as an incredibly powerful water affinity and skill over healing and seals*, but no mokuton.

As well as that, despite being much smaller than the Uchiha, the Senju as a whole were able to compete with them on the battlefield. If we assume the disparity caused by the Uchiha's size and kekkai genkai was being bridged by a boost from nature chakra to each individual Senju, the Senju's ability to keep up is much more feasible.

It is also generally agreed within the fandom (never officially confirmed), that when the mokuton becomes too strong, the user gets turned into a tree. Now, that sounds VERY similar to nature chakra imbalance which Naruto was threatened with when he was was learning Toad Sage Mode, adjusted to suit a Tree Sage of course.

It would also explain why so many Shinobi (Orochimaru, Madara/Zetsu) throughout the Narutoverse struggled to recreate mokuton despite having direct access to Hashirama's cells. Unfortunately, I'm not overly familiar with cellular biology, but at least with kidney transplants (with modern science) the rejection rate is about 15% (correct me if I'm wrong, I googled it), not the ridiculous 99% we see when Orochimaru attempted to recreate it under Danzo's orders. Even accounting for the likely uptick in deaths due to adjusting genetic code being considerably riskier then a simple kidney transplant, it is not unreasonable to assume that most of the transfers were probably successful. Therefore, it is possible that the 99% fatality rate was due to the sudden and overwhelming influx of nature chakra into small bodies and minds that did not know how to handle or balance the sudden intrusion. In fact, we even see this when Tenzou's neighbour eventually succumbed to the experiment, and roots and branches grew out of her. Much like the cost that is described for those that wield mokuton, and also an imbalance of nature chakra.

Finally, that would explain why Sakura doesn't have mokuton when, if the show's description of the kekkai genkai is too be believed, she definitely should. Kishimoto's explanation for mokuton is that it is a perfect balance of earth and water nature affinities which, when combined, can cause plant life and vegetation to be manipulated and grow at extraordinary rates*°. However, if this explanation is to be believed, then there is no reason why Sakura should not have mokuton. It is generally agreed (again, never confirmed) that Sakura has earth and water affinities, and her chakra control is considered one of the greatest in the history of the Shinobi nations (canonically the greatest during her time). Therefore, if we're going by kishimoto's explanation, logically, Sakura should be able to use her chakra control to balance her water and earth affinities. However, if we rather consider it with the theory that the Senju kekkai genkai is nature chakra, then Sakura suddenly needs 4 prerequisites, not just 3. And Sakura has never shown any proclivity to nature chakra, so she does not hit the last requirement.

So. Yeah. The Senju had a genetic green thumb that gave them superpowers, not just trees. I think I had more points somewhere rattling around but I've forgotten them lol. I was also going to do a TL;LD but ehhhhhhh too hard. Do with this information as you like, thank you for coming to my TED talk.

*it is generally believed that one must have a certain mental predisposition towards healing and seals to be able to fully master them. Hence why the Uzumaki were so feared, because it was quite literally impossible for any other Shinobi (even other seal masters) to master some of their work because the logical progression (seals work somewhat like code, except WHERE you put each line of code mattered almost as much as WHAT it said) was incomprehensible

*weirdly enough, hashirama's mokuton generally uses pre-existing plants and seeds to create his constructs whereas Tenzou most often creates them from himself. Perhaps less control/balance over the nature chakra? Rather then using it in the traditional sense, he has weaponised the nature chakra's own side effect? Would also explain why his mokuton is weaker and why he's never shown to have Tree Sage Mode. Could also simply be because neither had formal training and simple made the mokuton entirely their own in how they used it lol

°according to kishimoto's explanation, mokuton is more akin to a release, like D's storm release (water and wind) or Mei's lava release (earth and fire), not a true kekkai genkai which CANNOT be recreated without the necessary genetic code, much like most dojutsus', the hoshigaki's sharklike appearances and skills (although that is often argued to be more as a result of their summons), and the hozuki's naturally transformative cellular structure (which is BONKERS by the way)

[oh-no-its-bird]

thoughts because of your recent anon ask, Tora meeting said wet chihuahua that is called Obito in his timeline vs Tora meeting Madara in Team Ro time travel to the WS era idea

just a thought

I think that Tora meeting Obito is just like. It's on SIGHT actually. Like aside from the whole "this guy is an enemy of konoha and the Uchiha specifically who I now have an investment in like, not seeing dead" his personality as Tobi feels to me like someone who'd for sure get on Tora's nerves, especially considering Tobi often tries to deliberately get on the nerves of everyone around him.

Obito specifically I can see him hypothetically getting along with (with some luck) if he were to behave for like 5 seconds (physically impossible)

Tora is Kakashi's friend slash ANBU junior slash kind of brother slash kind of child he collected (and Tora collected him in turn) so I think he'd actually get INCREDIBLY mad about Obito for Kakashi's sake. Especially if he catches onto the stalking and stuff. Get the fuck away from kakashi!!!

Tora is suddenly tapping into that 'overprotective big brother' energy and directing it at a very confused Kakashi who, while he appreciates the sentiment, needs him to stop immediatley actually. Maybe it can be a minor conflict between them? Kakashi appreciates the sentiment but like, this is his own battle and Tora needs to respect that!

Tora thinks Obito is annoying and pathetic and that Kakashi can do SO much better and he wants to see him dead and buried.

Obito thinks Tora is annoying and annoying and ANNOYING and gets more mad about it with every plot he has that Tora inadvertently throws a wrench in. The final straw comes w Tora calling him out for his fucked up yandere ass puppy crush on Kakashi, which Obito is in very deep denial about and does not appreciate having pointed out!!!

Actually suddenly Tora has to die just for that.

Obito comes back to Akatsuki HQ suddenly way more motivated to kill Tora and Zetsu is asking him what got him so excited for it and he just narrows his eyes and goes "he knows too much." in a dangerous tone.

And Zetsu is like "!!!! Omg he knows our plans??" But no he just knows Obito is horny for Kakashi and Obito has to get rid of him before he fucking TELLS HIM

(It's ok even if he told Kakashi he wouldn't believe it)

Uhhhh story arc where they use Kakashi as a honey pot distraction for Obito and Kakashi doesn't think it'll work but it does and he wants to die about it

Hmmmm Tora and Madara huh

There's so many ways that could go actually I'm almost conflicted

If Tora meets him in canon as the normal story goes, it's hate on sight. The situation is perfect to dig up old feelings from a past life, but even without that he just hates the guy. He's an enemy. He's killed some of Tora's friends. He's tried to kill even more.

But team ro time travel plot Tora oooo

I think off the bat, he has similar views as Tenzo and Kakashi. Madara's betrayal was a thing that happened, but he's only ever learned about it through history books (unlike Itachi and Shisui who grew up on stories using him as an example of the worst of them) so he's largley neutral.

There's some odd twisting of his gut when he thinks about the man, some half remembered betrayal from another life, but it's buried with time as he grows up without reason to think about him. (Though in the canon future it'd return with a vengeance when "proven right" about him as an enemy)

They time travel to before Izuna's death so Madara is a lot more stable when they interact, though Tora still can't ever truly escape this lingering, twisting discomfort when he looks at him.

Despite being best friends with two Uchiha and regularly interacting with even more, Tora can never seem to bring himself to meet either Madara or Izuna's eyes.

He doesn't even know why himself.

Another interesting note ab Tora on team ro time travel is just the fucking dejavu thatd be beating him over the head the entire adventure. He's having a time!!! That's for sure!!! He can't take 4 fucking steps in any goddamn direction or conversation without feeling like there's something deeply wrong with him!

If there's a future where he realizes he's the reincarnation of tobirama it'd be well into his late teens, and since he's Itachi's age at the time of this adventure he'd be like 12/13. So he has NO idea that he was Tobirama in a past life and is deeply affected in a mostly negative way by the fucking past life car sickness effect

[or0ch1maru]

headcanons for playing just dance with the akatsuki members? 💃

This is honestly fucking hilarious and I’m the perfect amount of buzzed for this

I can’t stop laughing at imagining how this would actually go

Also, I haven’t played just dance in years so if I make a mistake in anything, let me know and I’ll edit it🫶🏻

•

Hidan:

•would be the type to forget to tighten the strap around his wrist, the remote going soaring when he swings his arm too hard. Bonus points if it hits another member or breaks something

•doesn’t play fair. AT ALL. Will knock into his opponent or shit talk to the point it distracts them

•I can see him being the type to play this game drunk, not buzzed, but drunk. His movements over exaggerated and sloppy. He thinks he’s doing amazing but in reality he looks like a fish out of water, flapping & flailing around

Kakuzu:

•he would rather give up all his money before playing something so ‘stupid’ and ‘childish’ and that says a lot lol

•would sit off to the side, watching as his comrades play and enjoy themselves. Just because he’s a grouch and doesn’t let loose like they do, doesn’t mean he’ll ruin their fun

•I can see him disappearing and hiding in his room to avoid Hidan’s constant begging and whining. He knows deep down Kakuzu would eventually give into him, even if it’s only to shut him up and Kakuzu doesn’t want to ‘stoop to that level��

Konan:

•omg, she’d be so good at it. Her movements smooth and languid. She doesn’t look out of place at all like Hidan does, moving as if she was a natural dancer

•ends up racking up the most points by the end of the game, beating everybody she plays against. Her focus controlled, even when up against Hidan, who tries to knock her knee out

•isn’t ashamed one bit, not even if the dance moves displayed come off corny to others, ignoring the chuckles of her mates as she copies the choreography

Pain:

•at the very beginning, he’d be shy. His movements stiff. His hands barely leaving the sides of his body as he copies what’s displayed on the screen

•would totally be flustered, cheeks red and an awkward smile plastered on his face as he feels all the eyes of his teammates on him as he dances

•it’s not until he’s like 5 drinks in, feeling a decent buzz when he finally lets go and dances like no tomorrow. Not giving a shit if he messes up

Kisame:

•the team cheerleader. Claps, cheers, and shouts as he encourages his mates to keep going.

•even though he’s skilled on the battlefield doesn’t entirely mean he’s a good dancer. With how big he is, his movements are erratic, taking up most of the space in front of the tv, and ends up knocking into his opponent a few times

•doesn’t care about points or winning as he’s simply enjoying bonding as friends and family. Knowing he’d cherish this moment forever

Itachi:

•just like Konan, his movements would be smooth, but also sharp and precise

•I also believe he’d be a little apprehensive at first, not because he feels like he’d embarrass himself or anything, but because he hasn’t been able to relax and have fun in a long time, having to grow up so early in life

•ends up having the time of his life, coming in second to Konan, and having a celebratory drink to commemorate his small victory

Tobi:

•would be an absolute clown about everything but truthfully, making everyone’s night even better

•I think he’d be shy, just like pain, but once he gets over it, would have a lot of fun. Focusing on the dance moves as much as possible even though he ends up missing a step time to time

•would take FOREVER trying to pick a song, I feel like he’d chose something by lady Gaga or Rihanna. Something fun and upbeat

Zetsu:

•honestly, I think he wouldn’t participate. Would linger and watch the others as they play. Taking post in his favorite spot in the wall or on the arm of the couch

•black and white Zetsu would be going back and forth between the two of them as white Zetsu wants to play but black Zetsu doesn’t. Ends up giving in and sitting aside the whole night

•would sneak back later once everyone has gone to bed or passed out drunk to play by himself

Sasori:

•would also think the game is ‘stupid’ but after a drink or two would be the first one with a remote in his hand, ready to dance

•once he gets in the zone, his mates all agreed he had a natural ‘talent’, not better than Konan or Itachi, but close to it. What his mates don’t know is that he comes into the living room to play time to time when nobody’s home

•when he’s not playing, he makes sure his friends have what they want or need. Snack, another beer, etc

Deidara:

•nervous baby for sure. At the beginning that is.

•When he wins his first match, beating Kisame in a landslide, that win, gets to his head. Ends up cocky and taunting everybody, only to lose his next match to Hidan.

•definitely flamboyant and extravagant with his moves. Almost hit Hidan in the face before his loss. Curses when he drops the remote. Completely forgot to even slide the strap on his wrist, which gave Hidan the chance to succeed

Orochimaru:

•at first, they’d simply enjoy watching and observing their team as they play and have fun. For some reason I can see them writing things down for their research. Something about how bonding is essential for security and happiness in a friend group

•orochimaru would be enjoying the drinks more than the game, drink after drink to help unwind, realizing how much they truly enjoy being around others compared to being stuck in the lab all day

•would play a round or two towards the end of the night for the hell of it. Using the excuse of ‘it’s for my research’ instead of coming clean about their real reason. They wanted to experience the fun but they’d never admit that

I had lady Gaga’s, heavy metal lover on repeat while writing this. I love her and I feel like a handful of the akatsuki would too🫶🏻

[indraxmizore]

Here's that also annoying me can't indra just take the rinnegan from his father nothing was stopped him at all then there black zetsu bro was basically his uncle told him start war there kaguya his grandmother do you think she would be proud of indra or just not care remember bro want everything to perfect that means no mistake in following laws or creating jutsu and ashura keep involved people into their war like bro you really need a whole ass army to stop your brother you do ask them what they want to do before this but Hagoromo told the hokages in the middle of a war oh yeah I know about black zetsu so you didn't think seal him away so nothing happened to indra when indra awake his sharingan he don't ask what happened or anything no one does indra was basically a negativity child who so power there no mom around indra believe his power and force was being true peace I am still how smart was indra because we don't see it in anime or manga the Uchiha clan and indra would be fear if indra was around during madara time plus it would also be a way to sure the hokage don't treat his descendants like shit you knew won't play around like that

[yowyowyaoi]

Kisame’s Daily Texts from the Akatsuki

From Deidara

Me and Tobi found a big muddy hole full of earthworms, let’s go fishing! 😁

We finished it last night, sorry 

I was just teasing him!

Exploding or boring?

Not a tea person but thanks anyway 

LMAOOO he probably pissed himself 🤣

Pls tell Itachi I’m not gonna hurt her I just want to pet her for a while!

Leader said he’ll kill us if we do it again so no probably not 😓

You gotta use the conditioner too or else it won’t be effective 

I’ll ask him but he don’t really like places like that. Says they’re too happy 🙄

From Hidan

If you have two does that mean one sleeps while the other fucks or ?

No offense but it’s literally so boring I can’t sit still that long 

I would say he’s giving you blue balls but.

Can’t imagine giving a shit but 🤷‍♂️

Tried that once. Got the mask halfway off and suddenly felt like I was drowning. Never again.

Old bastard said no 😑

You need to watch him he takes like two bites and pushes the plate away 

How? Half of us are gay half are insane and some are both 🤣

One dick, two dicks, your dicks, BLUE dicks! Lol get it??

From Sasori

Thanks but water erodes my “skin”.

I’m done reading it, you can borrow if you like.

Please make sure he puts on sunscreen he’s too stubborn to listen to me.

Don’t really remember all that well but I believe it was ice cream.

He has to *want* treatment and so far he’s turned down every offer Kakuzu or myself has made.

They make for more appealing puppets if they have some unique physical characteristic while they’re still living.

I’ll probably marry him some day but first he has to work on not blowing himself to bits.

Oh of course. You know you don’t need to ask.

From Kakuzu

Hey I almost beat you and I’m 60+ years your senior.

Just this once … no charge. Worth it to see him freak out like that.

I’m not very well-versed in animal anatomy but I can take a look and try my best.

EVERYBODY pays. Itachi too.

Fits nice. My thanks.

This place is falling apart, if it’s not one thing it’s another.

It’s annoying but I don’t see any serious long-term effects.

From Konan

That’s so sweet, thank you ☺️ 

Write down the exact kind for me, I’ll pick it up the next time I go to the market.

He’s a sweetheart isn’t he? 🥰

I’ll take your word for it, but ducks are so cute I don’t think I could eat one.

Come to my room I have some eye drops that’ll help him.

If I let that happen no work would ever be done and they’d likely kill each other.

So many miles, with these heels it’s hard on my feet.

If you want it that rare then there’s really no point to me cooking it at all 😒

At this point the yelling has become background music.

Me on one shoulder and Itachi on the other. You big show-off 😁

From Tobi/Obito

You only beat me because Deidara distracted me!

Forty cookies isn’t even that many. Plus Itachi ate two more.

Kakuzu said to earn the money myself so I stole one of his bounties 🤷🏻‍♂️

Itches. A LOT.

Can’t stand tea but if you have any hot chocolate, yeah.

You should hang out with Zetsu more often then. Like one never-ending picnic.

He really wants to go but I don’t have a pole. You have a spare?

Yeah but he might let us get a fish-tank if YOU said you needed it, like for health or something 

Sushi? Isn’t that cannibalism?!

Fuck him AND his perfect ass. Literally and figuratively.

Don’t give me that “kid” shit, we’re like the same age!

From Zetsu

You want to split that guy’s leg with me? He was very fat, lots of good meat 😋

He’s a good man but doesn’t his dubious emotional state concern you?

It’s a lot like hearing two voices at once. Constantly. 

It’s no fun if they don’t scream a bit first. You know this.

I did the scouting; that lake about five miles up the road is both deep and fairly clean.

Let’s hide under his bed and scare him. I bet money we can get him to soil himself while crying for that damn Jashin 🤣

From Nagato

I thank you for the tea. It helped me to sleep.

Well, keep an eye on him.

The pain is worse when I stand but Sasori is working on prosthetics for me that may solve the problem.

As long as you return in time for your next mission.

Get that looked at as soon as possible. We can’t afford to have you out of commission.

I do, but she deserves so much better than myself.

I’ll speak to Kakuzu about getting you a new one.

If you two are going to do that, please keep it away from our hideouts. It disturbs Konan to hear the screaming.

From Itachi

I ate this morning. Promise.

That wasn’t Hidan’s fault, I’d forgotten to take my pill so my reflexes were slow.

Just consider it. Uchiha Kisame. Say it out loud. It’s beautiful 😌

Can you check if I left that shirt in your room?

Dei and I went there last night. The manager banned us for life because Dei set off a C3 in the men’s room. 😑

Fine. You buy the skirt I’ll “model” it for you.

Sad. Come stay with me please.

You worry too much.

That picture is for YOUR EYES ONLY. 

Aww what do you mean? Kitty loves you she’s not trying to eat you!

It’s one that Konan gave me. It’s really good you’d probably like it too.

Tea?

I didn’t *fall* in, he *pushed* me. Big difference.

Mom taught me when I was younger. I can teach you too if you want.

You’re mine too. Always ❤️