#peraonality disorder

[hellhoundzzz]

me when ppl say "wow yr so talented !! <3"

I am not. "talented". I am SKILLED. I am fucking SKILLED. I WAS BORN WITH A "TALENT" OF DRAWING STICK FIGURES !!!!!!! NOT THE ART J SRAW TODAY- BECAUSE I PUT TOME INTO IMPROVI G MY SKILL !!!!! ACKNOWLEDGE THAT !!!!

idk it pisses me off & i have bad emotional regulation 😇���🏻‍♀️

no shadw to the ppl who like this compliment too btw, just personally it makes me unreasonably upset. shrugs

[boom-kaka-laka]

Karen™: "you shouldn't search up the *insert mental illness here* tag, it'll only make your symptoms go worse"

*me, a person searching comfort by reading about other people's experience with similar symptoms*

[bonus-mugwart]

Dear me,

You are worth it. You have made huge mistakes and I still love you for it. You decided to learn from them rather than be consumed by guilt. You amaze me every day you get up and continue on despite the trauma and the fear of experiencing more. You are a survivor and I can't express how proud I am that you are here. You are still kind despite the cruelty you have endured. You still open your heart to trust despite being let down so many times. You took these life experiences and found a way to build a beautiful person. You had the power to heal yourself and with this power you can heal others as well. Never forget your magic. If you ever get lost in the foggy parts of your mind remember I am here cheering you on. Loving and accepting you for all that you are.

Love your higher self 💖💋

[haha-im-sad]

I really am a hypocrite. I post about how damaging ed tumblr is, yet I'm a part of it. Definitely not as much as I used to be (I'm not posting bodychecks or talking about my weight). I can "recover" for weeks or months, then my demons come back. I just want to be in control and be skinny. I have more reasons to recover than to starve, but I don't care right now about being healthy. I hate this, I was doing better and now I'm back where I always end up.

[tiny-little-rabbit]

Im literally so tired so done I dont want to put effort into it anymore I cant being myself to restrict I'm just getting fatter I cant be bothered to count or anything

I'm even to lazy for an eating disorder that's a new low

[puethar-pb]

Today I feel like I (we?) took a step closer to understanding what's going on.

Right know it's blurry who I am. I don't even know if I should talk on plural or singular. I feel like there's lots of voices right now, between the "I don't have any dissociative disorder" and "Please let her explore this part of ourselves, if this feels right, it's ok to not be completely sure about everything" and "wtf it's going on"

Anyways, I have to say few hours ago I think I switched. I felt completely different than before and also my mindset was different. And it was clear as water.

I felt like the caretaker self was out, she was calm, nobody else would speak while she was "fronting", there were no voices, but there was also no defined self as an identity. She was calm and seemed wise. She talked to my best friend and explained what was going on.

She could pinpoint different parts of myself that I have been having troubles telling apart, surprisingly she said things I wasn't expecting.

She spotted the persecutor, who has become one of the hosts. I feel really confused, I think it's OSDD because everything is blurry and I have no amnesia, I remember everything and am conscious at all times. But I'm confused now as who I am. Like, I remember when the caretaker was fronting but I remember she felt 100% herself, I remember it as I lived than but I don't feel I am her. And I remember the "persecutor" and when she was "fronting" or when she is very present, it's clearly different than the caretaker and feels different, and I remember everything as it was me, but it's not me, I don't feel right now identified with her.

The *persecutor" as we call her now, is highly functional now, but we can identify she is the same that was here when we had major depression, all those voices that sounded just like my emotional abuser, all these shaming and blaming, it got so much better, I think that's when she started fronting, when depression got the best of us. There was always the voice of the caretaker but couldn't do much against her, but now after all the medicines and the sessions with the psychiatrist the persecutor became highly functional. I'm not sure if all these years she has been the host or if we've been switching. I think the second.

Anyways, I think it's difficult to spot because we never thought about the possibility of OSDD, we didn't know that was a thing. For sure we didn't have DID, there's no amnesia and the parts aren't as clear now as before on the childhood.

Back to the "persecutor" I think I have to call her a protector now, I'm just not doing that because she makes us feel bad. But she just wants the best, she wants to keep with my life without anything weird happening. I say my life because I think I'm the Apparently Normal Part that is hosting, although sometimes I get confused with the others because when they are fronting I'm still there, it's weird, I live it but right now I don't feel that's me...

Anyways, there's another part that is really sad and stuck when Seth, the primary protector, was still around. He left us 5 years ago. And there's this part of us that is always afraid, like when we needed him the most, and she is so afraid of existing without him. I am not afraid, I have the caretaker and we are safe now, but she doesn't get it yet. The persecutor was really mean to her, she is ashamed of all of us, she thinks she is the only one and that we are not different selves, she thinks it's all made up. I think she isn't present when the caretaker fronts or she would know we ARE different.

Both the persecutor and the caretaker are functional, but the persecutor is mean to everyone else, she is mean to the past selves and to the "weak" parts, I know we are just figuring this out and we don't have a diagnosis, but what I'm sure of, is that part of myself are separate, and some have different irrational fears or are particularly weak. The persecutor is strong and independent, so whenever we have bad moments she shames us. "This is ridiculous and stupid, I have no time for this. I have to clean the house and this is a waste of time " "I can't have a dissociative disorder, I would know. I'm just making this up, ugh, maybe I am just trying to be special, that's so pitiful" there's part of us, I think it's a little, that is afraid of thunders, loud noises and being alone, and the persecutor will say it's pitiful and weak and just made up. She is ashamed of all of us and is mean to herself in the process. Our worth is measured by how productive we are.

The caretaker is productive too, when she is fronting there's immense peace and love, and I feel so happy, I feel loved. I don't think she can hear me when she is fronting, because I'm there but I'm not, I'm her. It's like I share consciousness, it's weird because I feel like I just watch everyone do their thing. And I'm them but I'm not. Anyways, everything feels ok and safe. She wants every part of the self to feel safe and loved and to have the care and attention they need. She says it doesn't matter how far away we are to each other she says it doesn't matter what the diagnosis is, she says she knows there's many parts of us that are hurting and some repressed, I feel she cares for me, when I'm the persecutor, she cares, she says that self is also hurting and it's doing her best. When I'm the weak little scared of thunder she says she wants to protect me and I shouldn't be afraid of being vulnerable. When I'm feeling so bad and crying and stuck on my past fears asking Seth to come back, she says that I don't have to feel guilty about it, and that she'll be there for me to remind me the pain and fear is in the past and we are safe now. She also thinks about Seth, the primary protector, she says he perhaps was burnt out, I always thought he was like a super hero able to handle everything and put the weight of the world on his shoulders, after all he was made for that, but she says that's not ok, she says Seth was a kid, and he couldn't protect a grown up adult. He still worried about me but it was too much for him to handle. He protected me from when I was very little and dealt with how mean I could've been to him, but I grow up and it was too much. She hopes he is ok and he can feel safe to come out again, and if not, she hopes he is doing alright inside.

I'm also functional, but I know I don't think like any of the others. And when they are fighting I'm out. I mean, I'm there but feels like I'm only observing and being aware of everyone and what they are saying and feeling but feels like I'm not really anyone and like I'm not taking. Like I'm just watching everyone else do their thing. And once the fights are over I'm back to having the body. Cause when the fights are going on I can't really do anything, the body is in pain and tired and I have the worst headaches and sometimes nausea.

I'm still not sure if I have OSDD, but while figuring out I want to document everything I see happening in myself. And I would like if anyone can comment their own experiences and if anyone has experienced something similar.

(I kind of dissociated while writing this and I'm not reading it twice, I hope everything makes sense)

[thequietvoiceinthebackofmyhead]

I have royally fucked up. AGAIN.

[keep-fighting-little-warrior]

I started purging but stopped. Now I'm just crying on the bathroom floor. Pathetic.

[golddustdyke]

If you’re fat and you’re restricting calories, isn’t that just a called “normal”?

It’s like when very thin people don’t eat that it’s dangerous. A normal or fat peraon can go three weeks in a row withour eating and be perfectly fine.

i’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt!!! and i hope that you’re coming from a place of ignorance and not out of a place of cruelty? 

restricting calories is not healthy for anyone. restricting calories is an eating disorder or disordered eating, no matter who you are or what you weigh. a person at an average weight (not going to say normal, and i encourage you not to do it either!!) and someone who is fat need to eat. consistently. and unless it’s for a religious reason or your doctor recommends you restrict food for some reason, like an upcoming surgery...you should eat consistently. and should never restrict calories. 

food is fuel, it’s our energy. everyone needs energy. saying that a group of people shouldn’t eat and that they’d be fine is as ridiculous as saying that a group of people would be fine not drinking a lot of water, despite being incredibly thirsty. it doesn’t make sense. we should eat when we’re hungry, drink when we’re thirsty, and stop when we’re satiated.

and if i’m getting into it lol, many people become fat because of restriction. yo-yo diets, disordered eating, and restrictive eating disorders can cause certain people to gain weight. with restriction of food, there’s going to be an inevitable binge. no matter what. it’s not lack of will power, it’s not lack of self control, it’s just our body’s way of trying to keep us alive. and in that inevitable binge, some people experience weight loss directly after. for me and many others, we gain weight from that binge because it’s our body’s way of protecting us. and then we’re mocked/looked down upon/shamed for it.

so no: restriction is not normal. fat people not eating is every bit as dangerous as an underweight person not eating. and the fact that is not known is the reason why so many fat people with restrictive eating disorders are suffering silently. 

[nodaisieswithoutrainsies]

Need Help With Mental Health and Getting out of an Abusive Situation

Okay so here’s my deal. My mom has abused me (mostly mentally, emotionally, and financially, but there’s been a decent amount of physical abuse too) since I was about 12 years old. I’m 21 now. I went away to college for a few years but due to some unforeseen circumstances I’ve had to move back home until Fall 2020. It’s just me and my mom. We don’t talk to extended family, I don’t have a father or siblings.

When I was 14 I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, Bipoar Depression, and GAD. When I was 18, ADHD was officially added in, and within the past month I’ve accepted my ASD diagnosis. I’ve been fully medicated for the past 7.5 year’s, and in outpatient therapy with the same wonderful therapist for that entire time. When I was 15 I voluntarily (it was my idea) put myself into a partial program for a month for suicidal ideation and depression and self harm. When I was 16 almost 17 I voluntarily (again, my idea) took myself to the ER to go into inpatient therapy in psychology ward at New York Presbyterian, but was only there for a week because the counsellors there all came to the agreement that I was in better shape than I knew and released me, but with a binder of coping mechanisms and into the care of that same therapist I still have. At this point in my life, I’m very self aware, I can take care of myself and my mental healthy by myself, and I’m extremely proud of the progress I’ve made to better myself as a person and take care of my mental health. My friends, my therapist, my boyfriend of 5 years (best friend of 8), and my godmother all agree and praise me for my progress.

My mother, as I said, has abused me. Getting worse and worse over the years (as I contrarily got better). When she’s in a good mood, she dotes on me and does everything for me and lavishly spends money on me and pines for my attention. None of which I ask her to do because.... When she’s in a bad mood, whether or not because of me (when the only reason it’s “because of me” is when I’m not feeling great and liked to be alone) she takes it out on me. Hits me, curses at me, threatens me, berates me, tells me I’ve made no progress and I’m crazy, that she’s a perfect mother, that nothing is wrong with her, she attacks me with specific hurtful insults (“that’s why he doesn’t really love you!”), and holds all of her good mood antics over my head. She’s called the police on me >10 times since I was 14. They always take me for an evaluation, I’m always let go saying the cops are crazy. This past Friday, she threatened and tried to kill me. Then lost her mind rocking back and forth on her knees. So I called and ambulance. Ended up in her freaking out and calling the cops on ME for originally trying to de-escalate what did in fact turn out to be a hostile situation. I got released, but not without all the nurses and paramedics tending to me, as well as the crisis counsellor setting me free, all giving me some support saying they believed me, giving me numbers of support places in the area to help adult abuse victims.

My therapist has a lot of interaction with my mom, as she gives out her cell phone, comes to my graduation parties, has had sessions with me and my mom, and has had us to her house before. Plus my mother frequently texts her and emails her insanities and false stories, accusations, and ramblings about me. So at this point, my therapist has diagnosed my mother with Narcossistic Personality Disorder, as well as Borderline Peraonality Disorder. My mom has briefly (~6 weeks) gone to another therapist, but that was years ago. She constantly denies she has mental health issues besides her depression (which she deals with by drinking excessively, self harming, and attacking me). She denies that therapy works (yet says it does for me). She’s manipulative of the people around her- spewing lies to police officers even when I’m calm, open about my bipolar/therapy/medication, and looking for help, spewing lies to her friends who never interaction with me so they don’t know anything except that apparently I’m the problem, and spewing lies to her sister, my aunt, the only family we talk to still, and her best friend/former girlfriend/my other parent of over 35 years. No one believes me except my therapist and friends and boyfriend. No cops, not people who “love me”, and obviously not her. She frequently tries to get me arrested or admitted to a hospital involuntarily. She has ~$16k of my money in her account that she keeps procrastinating giving me.

I recently opened my own bank accounts not attached to hers. I work, I go to school. I’m an aspiring Marine Geologist and I’d like to get my Masters and PhD. When I hopefully graduate May 2021, I will move to California to go to graduate school and make my own life. Away from her, never to speak to her again.

I don’t have much money, even once she does actually give me the money from her account. To finish my BS I need a total of ~$23k. My saved money was for school, not living expenses or car insurance or groceries etc. Hence why I moved home while I completed some prerequisites around where I live. I will move out if I absolutely have to, by my 4 cats are here, two of which are senile and sick. I don’t love my mom. I can’t at this point. I have PTSD or the similar diagnosis from the trauma and abuse. I keep denying family therapy because I’m not sure it’ll work if she doesn’t accent any responsibility or open her mind to realise IM not the problem. I have a car, which is not under my name and while I could switch it I can’t afford car insurance. I have my own furniture and stuff to furnish a place that I will be allowed to take with me when I leave.

At this point, family therapy is necessary to entertain her until I leave. I’m looking for advice, resources, anything any of you can give me to help me handle this and make my life good and achieve my ambitions. I’m a generally pretty happy person; I like to read, write poetry/prose/short stories/songs, go hiking and enjoy nature, hang with my friends, make new ones, love animals, volunteer at the humane society, act, sing, improv, be in theatre, sew, and give advice and love to my friends who need it. I’m an advocate for sexual assault victims (twice in my life), mental health, animals, climate change, women, LGBTQ+ community (bisexual and genderqueer!), and eventually for abuse victims once I get out of here. (And by this I mean I actively take strides to advocate for these causes, joining clubs and marches etc, not just saying that because I experience some of them). I’m not a bad person, I don’t think. I try my hardest to always improve, and I wish I was dealt a better hand (don’t we all?). I’m not asking for money, I could never. I’m asking for advice and resources and a community. Anything yall got for me I’d appreciate more than anything. Thank you for listening/reading, I know it was a lot. If you got this far or offer help, I’ll hit you up with a follow even though that won’t be enough to repay your kindness. Ugh sorry that sounded textbook. Idk. But thank you so much. I really appreciate your time and advice.

-Jessica (I’m from downstate NY by the way)

[exs-and-bones-blog]

The Start of It All

I've just been thinking back to how this all started. It's funny what you can't and can't remember isn't it?

I remember, about 3 years ago, not eating so I wouldn't have a big bloated disgusting stomach for a guy I was meeting, a guy I really liked (I knew he liked skinny girls).

I remember skipping meals to make sure I stayed slim. But what I don't remember is when I decided. When I made the choice to live like this. I don't remember the moment I moved from liking my body and skipping a few meals to obsessively counting calories or hating my body?

Two years ago I saw myself as beautiful, now I just see ugliness and everything I want to change.

And I just don't know when exactly it started. I know why, I know how it progressed, and I know why I do it now. But the start? I don't even remember.

I remember seeing my first "pro Ana" blog about 2 ago when I was looking up the symptoms of anorexia. I stumbled on it by accident. I thought the rules written on it (" 10 commandments of Ana") were horrific, and disgusting. I didn't admit to anyone I was slightly intrigued.

3 months later I had copied them into my diary.

6 months later I had an Ana Tumblr, not pro Ana but I had found a community.

16 months later I had 17,000 followers.

24 months later, my blog is deleted. SO I start a new one.

Looking back it's weird to see how much 2 years can change you, and how far down the rabbit hole I've actually thrown myself.

And yet, even now, after trying to recover, after getting healthier, I'm back. Restricting, marvelling at the bones in my wrist. How elegant my ribs are starting to look. Cataloguing every single thing I want to change about my body.

I think if anything this just goes to show why it's so important to monitor your mental health and what you're doing to your body.

Whims become habits.

Habits become obsessions.

This happens so easily!

so if you're reading this and your new please turn around and leave. Leave Tumblr. Don't skip your meals. It doesn't end well.

[funfortheothers]

O Hai Again

O hey you're reading. Just a small update since I'm out and life is life ya know? Host is doing well. He just has to work and go to school tomorrow. Which is kinda sucky for us cuz we may or may not come out. Who knows ya know? But tonight we're all enjoying some good old music and tumblr scrolling. It's pretty cool though. The host is making monies and stuff and we kinda just chill inside most the time. Not a lot of people know about us at school and goodness the though of actually switching out at school would be terrifying. Only time that would happen is if we couldn't help it or something like that. Enough people know that we could get by with some help at least but it would be quite scary. Anywho. Thank ya for reading who ever you are. And have a nice day ^-^ ~Tasha

[loudblonde]

The lasting emotional damage of child abuse

Trigger warning: mentions of rape, suicide, eating disorders, self harm and abuse. Plus start of alcoholism.

I'm in no way a psychologist or an expert on this. But I have first hand experience with emotional neglect, emotional manipulation, fear being used as a mean of manipulation, fearing a parents next move and just generally not being treated like a human being.

I cannot say that I have had the worst childhood and I know that. I'm thankful that I was never hit or sexually assaulted. But I was pretty much fucked up.

I'm still young, being only 16 years old. I've been away from my father for a little over a year. Having only seen him 5 times during this. One of these being alone.

I'm absolutely terrified when I think back to the apartment I used to live in. When I think about my father. I know that I have a lot to still work on with what happened.

My father was never one to hit if he didn't have too. He was never one to sexually assault people and in fact, he beat up someone who raped a girl he knew. I pretty much grew up with my father being my sole care giver. Having him take care of all my needs. Everything was fine until we moved in with my step mother. She's controlling, manipulative and just over all a bad person.

She and my father controlled my entire life for a little over 3 years. I had a schedule with everything I had to do. It wad written so that it had the time when we should start doing it and when our next task was. Sometimes we had multiple chores to do in that same hour. We were 3 kids. We had to clean up the entire house except the bathroom. Which we later had to clean as well.

I told them the sheduale made me extremely stressed out. I did not tell them I was hearing, seeing, feeling, tasting, smelling things that wasn't there and losing time because of multiple peraonalities. They had seen my self harm before and told me I was doing it for attention(even though my father self harmed as well when he was younger). They did nothing to help me.

I delt with eveytging myself and pretty much tried ended my life twice. Never succeeding. I kept begging my father to get me help but he kept dismissing it as I was trying to get attention. One day he promised me he would take me to a doctor because he saw my self harm continuing. Nothing big, just in the top layer of the skin. Away after 3 days to a week.

I got help, he found out I had tried to kill myself and I had a shit ton of these psychosis things. He started believing what I were saying. All my life he had told me I were normal and that there was nothing wrong with me. It turned out I had autism. I went into a psychiatric hospital to see if it was autism or skizofrenia. I got the psychosis symptoms when I'm severely stressed and under a lot to pressure to perform perfect.

At these point I had fled from my father house with none of my possions, up to my mother's house. Because my step mother was angry at me going out even though we had an agreement that I could go out for 12 to 16.

She had forgotten we had a deal that I could be gone for 4 hours. I even said I would do all my chores when I got home. I made that promise. She called me and I was thinking, she's probably just wondering where I am. I was 5 minutes late, I was 3 minutes from my door. Nothing unusual there. I answer the call and she's pissed at me. About to have a mental break down, I call my mum, crying violently. Telling her everything my step mother had said, asking if I could come live with it. It is worth saying that my mother and I, never had a good relationship. Not until about 4 weeks before that.

She knew of the entire thing that went on at home. How I was being threatened to be thrown out if I kept misbehaving, tbey didn't feed us properly. So, I stole food in order to get enough nutrients. It was wrong but I were really hungry. It is also worth saying i was skinny back then. Not unnaturally skinny. I looked like a good looking straight girl. I ran 5 km everyday. So it made sense with little to no food and running this much that I would be skinny.

I told how my father was trying to emotionally manipulate me into believing she was bad. By saying stuff like "I'm not going to shit talk your mum, but *insert something minor she does and a rant as to how it's bad for us kids to see*"

I hated living at home with my dad. We were 5 people in a 3 room apartment. We had 20 birds, fish, a snake, a cat, a dog and a bloody rabbit. Too many god damn animals.

I loved the animals and helped out with them. I did the excise and all my chores. At the expense of my mental health. I had extra homework because I "needed" it. But when I asked for help I was told I was big enough to figure it out myself. We had 1 hour of electronics time each day. Now I don't mind parents setting rules for electronic time. I think it's healthy to learn a child when they should be on it and when they shouldn't. The walls are pretty damn thin in this house. Me being a chronic insomniac teenager, made me sleep around 5 or 4 hours before waking up at 6 very morning to walk the dog. Sometimes even earlier.

I suffered from depression back then. Meaning I had a hard time getting out of bed. But if I didn't, I would get yelled at, break down crying and self harm/starve myself.

I weighed 78 kg. Which I were told was too much. It really isn't. I'm 173 cm and have a pretty solid build. Meaning I'm more robust and have bigger bones then most girls my age. Always had. I've never broken my arm even though I really should have on many many occasion. Only ever gotten a spiralled fracture on my right upper arm. So I have to weight from 72 to 78 kg. Which is pretty realistic. I was cosntaly being weighed, measured and told I was too fat. I was constantly being told that everything I ate would make me more fat and that I should get my head out of my arse and start losing weight. Which resulted in my eating problems. I don't really know how to classify it and every psychologist have dismissed this and never talked with me about it since my suicidal tendencies and autism was more important.

But I starved myself as much as I could possible do. I saw myself being as fat as I am now. I couldn't see how perfectly normal I was in weight. I would crash and steal granola bars from the cupboards, steal an apple and eat it or god forbid me in eating a single carrot. I would starve myself as much as I could before purging food. As much as I could. I feel worse after it.

I cannot control myself around sweets and nutella. I know it's all about self discipline but I have that about 1 week or 2 before I eat the sweets and stuff like that. Which is also why I don't go to town with extra money and only carry cash.

My step mum said and I quote "I do not wanna live under the same roof as a thief."

Which hurt me a lot. Yeah I know I was stealing food, because I was hungry and I was too afraid to ask for anything. Because every time I did, I would either being yelled at or told to go away.

Every time I tried to open up or come out of the closet. I was made fun off. My dad would use the things I've said in the few moments I trusted him, against me as he saw fit. He would make me break down crying and have the nerve to call me weak after that.

I still have major trust issues to this date when it comes to family. I can easily share things with strangers because tbey probably won't have to ever see you again. Which is a nice thought.

With my insomnia and fear. I was up way too much and woke up way too much. Had nightmares or no dreams at all. I was afraid of my own father, coming into my room during my sleep and that he would kill me. Because I know he would be 100% capable off it. If he truly snapped, then Ted Bundy would have nothing on him.

So still to this day, I have major issues with calling asleep before everyone else. I self medicine with alcohol. Which I'm trying not too do, but it's hard not too. It makes me fall asleep easier in the night. Makes me feel calm and not feel so scared about everything. I really hate it but it's during the job self harm used to do. I don't know what is worse, self harm or the alcohol.. But either way, I'm trying to stop. I'm 2 months clean from self harm. But I am still consuming alcohol in large amounts from time to time.

I still have major eating problems. Over eating or not eating at all.

I cannot sleep, before everyone else in the house is sleeping or have gone to bed.

So yeah, abuse can really fuck someone over. I know that I'm by far, not the worse case. I never saw my parents drink or do drugs in front of me. But I knew it was a part of childhood. I knew about it without knowing what it was.

I know a lot of people won't even make it to here. But I just had to get this odd my chest. So thank you if you read this far.

[bloodyarson]

Hey I'm sorry! I meant being in a relationship. From what I've read here you have low empathy and possibly Antisocial Personality Disorder? And I'm curious about the benefits. Like would a person who feels and needs empathy be able to have a fulfilling relationship with you or would it be easier for someone like you? People rarely talk about the benefits of things like low empathy, Antisocial Peraonality Disorder, etc so I'm curious about them!

that’s alright, i figured! :)

so it’s kind of complicated. obviously, like for anyone else, in order to have a good relationship i need to be with the right person. here i mean both in a romantic way and in the context of friendship. someone who needs lots and lots of affection will be unhappy with me. on the other hand, i’m very intense, i like grand gestures and i expect a level of devotion, so i need to be with other people who can handle it and who can preferably match it at least to a certain degree. or i get bored very quickly. however when i do find a match, you can bet your ass it will be memorable. that’s why a lot of past relationships have fallen apart in a few weeks when they’re not worth it, otherwise they’re for a lifetime.

off the top of my head, the main two benefits i can see in low empathy is rationality, and a very developed ability to communicate. (in my case. surely varies from person to person.) i tend to give good advice because i don’t get carried away by feeling too much, so i can often offer solutions to a crisis that someone more emotional might overlook. this goes hand in hand with my second point, which is communication, which is something that is extremely important to me in a relationship. i don’t do mind games and pettiness with the people i’m close to, contrary to popular belief when it comes to people with npd/aspd. not only do i have no patience for that kind of immaturity, there’s a very good chance that if you want me to know something’s not working, you’ll have to be upfront with me about it, otherwise i won’t notice. and i will do the same in return. from there on we can work together on solving the problem in ways that meet our respective needs as much as possible.

i’m sorry this turned out so long, i didn’t even know i had so many thoughts on the subject haha

[dutchelmdisease]

I was about to reblog but thank god I actually finished reading this post. I don't have any issue with vegans who keep to themselves for the most part and don't shame people for eating what they want to, but when you try and act like everyone should be vegan, we have a SERIOUS problem.

Do yall realize that you're also killing off animals? Species in areas that are deforested for farmland are devastated. All those fancy grains that yall are obsessed with? They're the staples in the countries that you're buying them from, creating food scarcity for the people that live there. Not to mention cost of transport and the fuel needed to get it to you.

I'm so tired of vegans covering their eyes and ears when it comes to the harm that vegan lifestyles do to other countries. Being vegan doesn't erase your carbon footprint. I'm always quick to remind people of all the "vegan" replacements for animal products that are just made of plastic. Leather biodegrades, pleather doesn't. And when it comes to the shaming? There are people who live in food deserts. There are native people whose traditions involve hunting their food. There are people who live in places where agriculture isn't possible, places where transporting plant-based items bumps the price up 5-fold (not an exaggeration). There are people with major vitamin deficiencies that would rather manage it with their diet than take 50 pills a day. There are ND people who struggle to eat right even when they have access to animal products. There are people whose EDs are triggered by restrictive diets. Do what you want, but knock it off with the diet shaming. Yall talk a big game about moral imperatives while straight up abusing and emotionally manipulating people who don't conform to your ideal for "animal activism." Veganism isn't the end all be all of environmentalism and I'm sick of yall acting so willfully ignorant about that.

And just for the record, I peraonally don't eat meat out of spite towards vegans. I'm not an angry Republican dad. I'm autistic w/disordered eating and have a really hard time with bitter foods (aka most vegetables and some fruits). If given the choice between eating any green vegetable and not eating, I just won't eat. I'm just not able to stay healthy without animal products; I lived as a vegetarian for 5 years and still needed eggs so I wouldn't become deficient in protein. I'm working my way back to being mostly plant-based, but I doubt I'll ever be able to be fully vegetarian and DEFINITELY couldn't be a vegan. And no amount of "but but but the aminals" shaming is gonna change the fact that I, like many others, can't survive like that.

A little ps,

Any vegan that comes to my askbox being combative or rude or shaming is just gonna get blocked. This is not a debate.

i really hate how people will see ONE vegan who is absolutely unhinged and usually doesn’t even adhere to basic vegan beliefs, and be like “see!! this is why veganism is bad!! i would never go vegan!!”

like. first of all. every social justice group will have people who claim to be part of the movement just to give it a bad name. veganism is not exempt from that. also, innocent animals do not deserve to be punished for what one human has said or done. refusing to go vegan just to spite one annoying vegan won’t punish that person- it will punish the hundreds of animals who will die for your choice.

food for thought.

[forgetthetimetravel]

Hi I'm awkward at larger scale interaction, but I can make lists. :3

Cats

Princess Tutu

Appropriate representation of mental illness and disorders in media

Finishing a satisfying scene, writing or reading

After cleaning/organizing a space and there is a visible difference; and I can feel it in my chest

Honorable mention: a good D&D session

If you too would like to make a small list of peraonal joys, consider yourself tagged! ♡

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box of the last 10 people who reblogged something from you. Learn to know your mutuals and followers 🌠(You don't gotta do this,though)

heyo!!! thank you for this ask!

peppy retro anime openings

shoujo/BL manga

tea

having my love reciprocated

learning new words

I’ll tag some people instead bc idk

@forgetthetimetravel @magicalballerinaprincess @notsweetbutreichel @myqueennadia ( @sugar-meow