#people truly lack self awareness and the older i get the more evident that is | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

noaltbruh · 3 years ago

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Get to know my Oc!

I've been wanting to make this post for a long time, but I've never found the energy nor the time to do so. With Summer vacations approaching more and more, I have faith I'll be able to post more often like last year.

For now, enjoy this looong ramble about my Vento aureo oc: Eleonora!

Lmao nobody is going to read this.

As her personality and appearance highly depend in the context of the story, this is what I will primarily describe. Get comfy.

Also, this is extremely self indulging and pretty cringe, I've warned you.

Story:

Eleonora was born in the month of June, back in 2006, in the island of Sicily, Italy. She is 14 at the beginning of the story, and 16 by the time it ends. She grew up with two relatively loving parents and an older brother. Despite her father and mother's attempts at being there for their daughter, which they succeeded in most of the time, their very different ways of seeing the world sometimes caused conflict to emerge between the two of them.

This meant that, even as a young child, she would often comfort her very sensitive mother after an argument with her father, more closed off and serious than the woman. Emotional support was something she didn't struggle with, she was naturally good at caring for others, a trait she had inherited from her flawed, but nurturing mom.

The girl always stood out when it came to Academic. Not as much as Fugo, but smart enough to just generally maintain the highest scores in her class. Growing up, she decided to become a foreign languages teacher and attended a 'Linguistico', a type of high school in which students specialise in languages, with the intention of going to university, getting a degree and then starting her career.

So, while school wasn't much of a bother per se, her relationships with her classmates and generally anyone she ever came across were never...Genuinely good. Most of the times, people tended to ignore her or just never think too much of her. It never really influenced her in her early childhood, as she was generally a very naive but still kind child. Her lack of actual social experience and awareness started to be more evident during her early teen years, with people using her for what they needed (let that be emotional support or help with their homework) without paying her back for her attempts to be helpful.

As a coping mechanism, Eleonora would use works of fiction to detach herself from the world around her, causing her to sometimes result oblivious even to basic things right in front of her eyes.

She found her biggest comfort reading Vento aureo, left speechless in front of the colorful and chaotic group that the Bucci gang was. She admired how, despite everything they had been through, and their extremely young ages, those people had found the courage to reinvent themselves, determined to rule using their role in society to make Italy a better place.

In particular, Giorno struck her as a character and person. Seeing how much he strived to bring justice, without hesitating to kill if it was necessary, genuinely impressed her. His resolve and determination gave her hope that, one day, things would have turned around, and she would have found friends that loved her as much as the Bucci members loved each other.

In fact, even though her parents loved her, and so did she, the girl never felt truly comfortable around them, to the point of never mentioning her strained relationships with her classmates and avoiding the topic like the bubonic plague if her mother and father ever tried to bring it up.

This detachment from them is the reason why her surname is never revealed.

During her first year of high school, her parents told her that they would have had to temporarily move away to her grandparents' house in a Northern region of Italy, as it was closer to their workplace and her brother's university. They insisted for entire weeks for the girl to come with them, but she never accepted, claiming that she would have preferred to remain in her town, where she felt stable and safe.

Although very reluctantly, they knew that her daughter was headstrong enough to take care of herself, and they're seen checking in her multiple times a day via phone through the story.

Left alone in her house, Eleonora basically entirely dedicates herself to her studies, piano lessons and her love for stories, Golden wind always sticking out compared to the rest.

...In the meantime, in a parallel world, Giorno tries to experiment more with the stand arrow...But, accidentally, the boy ends up stabbing himself, causing Fates of different worlds to overlap with one another, and making the blonde end up in the girl's world, forgetting how he got there in the first place.

After some misunderstandings, the brunette very reluctantly explains how, in her universe, Giorno's story is fictional. Despite his skepticism and mistrust in the other at first, especially since the revelation of his reality being nothing but a tale is quite disappointing, she offers him to remain with her until they find a way for him to go back to his world.

Things between then start off as pretty rough. Eleonora's attempts at making Giorno feel at home don't always reach him, and her initial awkwardness doesn't help. She tries to help him get used to his new 'everyday life' in any way she can, but relaxing, not having any idea of how his team is doing without him, leaves him quite a lot on the edges.

On top of this, both of them tend to avoid the 'your timeline is a story' topic for quite a while. The boy doesn't feel ready to dive into it, and she surely isn't going to bring it up on her own, knowing that it clearly makes him uncomfortable.

With time, however, Giorno begins to notice and appreciate her kindness and, albeit pretty goofy, attempts at creating a nice atmosphere for the two of them. His sympathy in her regard only increases when he comes to see how lonely she actually is, which reminds him of his little, past self.

He tries to see her in a more 'human' light, instead of a simple reference point as someone who lives in this 'strange world'. He indulges, or at least tries to, in her hobbies and passions, finding out about her enjoyment in teaching others and her love for and videogames. Yes, they played Undertale together, that is canon in my story and I will not take any criticism regarding it.

Some of their sweetest moments include taking care of her pets or going to the beach, one of her favorite places, together.

For her birthday, and as a symbol of friendship, he gifts Eleonora a new, rather cute outfit, consisting of a white chemise and a plaid skirt, a present the girl accepts with huge pleasure.

As a way to make some extra money, since sharing between two people the cash sent by her parents is not easy, she decides to work part-time as a babysitter during Summer time.

Uncaring of the possible dangers of just wandering around the streets at 1 am after work, and despite Giorno's constant reminders of being careful, she finds herself cornered by two strangers, intentioned to take away her possessions.

Unable to fight back when physically attacked by the two, Eleonora still refuses to do as they say, afraid that she's going to let the other down and make him disappointed in her. Her determination to prove herself causes her to manifest and summon for the first time her stand, Mood Swing, which causes the enemies to pass out.

Badly hurt, but still standing, she tries to go back home, but is soon rescued by Giorno who started to get worries seeing her not coming back home at 2 am.

Next Morning, despite his attempts at scolding her for her reckless behavior, the brunette doesn't care and is over the moon for gaining a stand, albeit a rather weak one (see stand description below*). The boy soon enough smiles at his friend's excitement, but still makes sure to remind her that just because she has a stand, she has to be careful as to how she should use it.

Time goes on, and Giorno finally finds the courage to confront the matter of his reality not actually existing in Eleonora's timeline. When the two of them decide to watch Vento aureo together, however, something does not feel right: why did Fugo leave? And why did Bruno, Abbacchio, Narancia...?

This isn't what happened for him, everybody remained together and never died in his world, what's this supposed to mean?

When the brunette explains that, at least from what she has seen, that is the closure his story got, they're both shocked. The blonde doesn't know how to react to the fact that, in an another timeline, that could have very well been his own, half of the friends he had made died because of him. This causes him to have a bit of an existential crisis, questioning his worth as a leader and a companion for them in general.

The young girl, however, helps him to see that none of what happened was actually his fault, and that they all desired to free Italy from drugs as much as him, even though sacrifices had to be made in the process.

With this acknowledgement and acceptance of his world, Fate is soon enough satisfied and re-balanced, opening a portal to Giorno's universe.

As he quickly gets ready to leave, there's one last factor that needs to be considered, what will happen to Eleonora now?

She, too, packs up everything she needs to come along, deciding to bring, in a separate luggage, her collection of the Golden wind mangas as a reminder of how much has happened and how she has grown as a person ever since she had met him.

The problem is, he doesn't want her to come, insisting that his job and world are way too dangerous for someone like her, and he refuses to involve her into his business. She deserves better and is too good of a person to become part of a corrupted and obscure Organisation such as Passione.

His decision, however, triggers Eleonora mentally and emotionally, who doesn't listen to his motivations and only interprets his words as him not wanting her in his life anymore, after he no longer 'needs her'. This causes her to have a meltdown on the spot, clinging to the boy right in front of the door. His attempts at reassuring her don't work, to the point where, in a moment of extreme uncertainty and panic, she pushes both of them inside of the portal.

With no way to go back to the girl's world, Giorno gets mad at her for her irrational behavior, but when he sees the tears of joy in her eyes as she hugs him and tells him how happy she is to be there, with him, he can't help but feel compassion for the other, deciding to give her a chance at integrating in this new scenario, just like he did.

When she checks the time on the phone she had brought with her, she soon realizes that it had regressed to a mobile you'd see at that time. All the apps or other medias characteristic of 2001+ onward are gone... And with those, all ways of communicating with someone from her timeline no longer exists, this includes Eleonora's parents. She never will, through the entire story, speak to them again.

Putting that aside, the two soon notice that, for Giorno's world, his absence corresponded to nothing but a couple of hours. He books an hotel room for the other and tells her to stay there for the rest of the day, as he takes care of warning Bucciarati that someone will soon join the team, and resolves some other formalities.

The next day, nervousness kicks in as she gets ready to meet the gang. To her relief, Trish and Narancia welcome her with enthusiasm, while the rest of the gang, especially Abbacchio and Fugo, are very untrusting of the newcomer.

When she arrives at the villa for the first time, the brunette is amazed and happily begins to put her personal belongings in the room Bruno had prepared for her, hiding her manga collection in a locked drawer.

The day after, she has a conversation with Bucciarati while making breakfast. When the man asks her about her past, Eleonora fakes a story, explaining that after accidentally getting involved in the drug trade due to some classmates of her, she's unfairly arrested. Giorno bails her out, but rejected by her family and school, she has nowhere to go but the organisation. When the others wake up, she introduces Mood Swing to all of them, and is assigned to go on a mission in Salerno, near Napoli, to capture two members of a rival gang: Marco and Aurora Penne. Since she's still a newcomer, Narancia will accompany her.

While things don't go as planned, the mission is successfully completed. After going back home, Eleonora helps the boy with his homework and then spends some time bonding with the four teens while Giorno is at work. Fugo openly shows annoyance due to her presence, but not much can be done about it.

Around a month and a half after her arrival, Christmas time arrives. She's gifted by Bruno, and undirectly all of the gang, a personalized Christmas music box, inspired by her stand's appearance. The present, which all of them posses, represents a 'welcoming gift', and becomes one of her most treasured possessions after Giorno's outfit.

Whenever he's not busy with 'Mafia Boss duties', the blonde accompanies his friend around the city and spends a lot of time with her, pleased to see her slowly getting used to the Vento aureo universe and the Bucci gang's dynamics.

In fact, Eleonora also takes any opportunity she has to get closer to her companions, creating a very strong bond with Narancia, Trish and Bucciarati (although everyone loves Bruno and Bruno loves everyone so it's nothing special.)

The constant missions and the very different people she has to deal with in her new everyday life kind of intimidate her, but her desire to fit in with the gang and truly feel accepted by her new 'found family' motivates her to participate, albeit sometimes reluctantly, even in their crazy and unconventional ideas.

These include trying dog treats, putting her arm inside a trashcan, attending places with lots of people, such as carnivals, robbing a gas station at four am. and much more.

In particular, one of her 'biggest achievements', as she likes to call them, is finding the courage to play the keyboard during one of Trish's concerts, despite the pink-haired girl basically having to beg her to do so in order to get what she wants.

She still finds moments of peace and quietness hanging out with, aside from Giorno, best mom Bucciarati. The two of them enjoy fishing together and cooking for the rest of the gang, although the girl is clearly not as good as he is.

Becoming more carefree and wishing to fit in with the team's...'Colorful appearance', she decides to dye a part of her hair pink and finally gets an outfit that resembles something similar to the others' fashion sense.

Through the story, Eleonora always tries to put aside her guilt for just...Abandoning her parents and disappearing without ever giving them even an hint of an explanation as to what happened to her. This weight on her shoulders is also amplified by the fact that, at the same time, she's lying to the entire gang about her origin and her past, as she's scared as to how they would react if she ever were to talk about the 'truth' of their world.

Which means that she is unable to truly feel like a part of any of the two universes. She has abandoned one to move to another that would have made her 'happier', but even in it, and despite all the love that people have shown her, she's still reluctant to be completely honest with them, afraid of being rejected and 'dishonored' by the people she so desperately wanted to call her family.

Eventually, Giorno realizes that the pressure and the responsibilities she had put on her own shoulders become too much for her to handle, as he decides to be there for her and get rid of her guilt like she did for him before. When Eleonora finally accepts that her decision to start anew was for her own good, to finally feel content and welcomed somewhere, she manages to get closure for that 'chapter' of her existence, while it still sometimes hurts to think about.

She still does not feel ready to confront the truth regarding the mangas she keeps hidden, which the blonde respects.

Seeing how much his friend has grown since he's first met her, when the girl expresses her gratitude for having a person like him in her life, Giorno feels...Weird. After a long talk with Bucciarati, he comes to realize that he has grown romantic feelings for her, and confesses his love for the young one during one of their hangouts at the beach, knowing very well that it's one of their favourite places.

Filled with happiness, Eleonora accepts his confession and the two become a couple.

Most members of the team learn get used to her presence and consider her an integrated part of the family, but her relationship with Fugo is still strained. The boy keeps on seeing her in a bad light, claiming that she's just being falsely nice to gain everyone's trust. In reality, he feels like the brunette is just a better version of himself: smart, uptight, but more 'likeable' and less prone to getting angry.

The fact that Narancia takes a liking for her basically immediately also provokes his jealousy. Tired of seeing him mistreat the girl, orange boy states that, as long as the blonde keeps on acting like that, he'll stop being his cute happy self around the other.

Bruno, who hears this conversation, decides to send Fugo and Eleonora on a mission together in an attempt at making them bond with one another. Things get out of hand and the two teens seem to be incapable of finding a way to defeat the enemies' powers. The elder one cannot use his stand, because if he did, he would end up killing everybody. In a similar way, Mood swing cannot be used, since the other's agitation would cause everyone, her ally included, to pass out.

Cornered and reassigned to having lost, the two of then have an heart to heart conversation, where Fugo apologises for his behavior and admits his faults. The girl forgives him for his actions and prepares for their deaths, but after making amends with one another, both of their stands grow, the boy unlocks Purple Haze distortion and Eleonora's Mood swing is finally strong enough to attack physically.

The mission ends and their friendship, still quite rocky, begins. Finally feeling accepted and wanted by everyone, the girl decides to confront the rest of the team and tell them about her origin, comforted but the fact that even if everything sadly went wrong, she would still have Giorno behind her back.

Using her mangas to prove that she's not lying, she explains what fully happened to her and what she used to know before joining them. One after the other, the Bucci squad once again confirms her as a part of them, stating that no matter what she might has seen of been though, she's at home now.

One year after their first meeting, they decide to throw a party for her, as she's never told them her birthday. After the small celebration, there's still one last gift left: all eight of them take a picture together, which replaces the previous one placed in the middle of the salon, dated from before her arrival.

As Eleonora finds genuine happiness with her found family, the story comes to its end.

Personality:

Eleonora's core as a character and person is her empathy, a trait inherited from her mother, and developed early in her life because of the woman as well. While she, like Giorno, enjoys analyzing others, they have different ways of doing so. The boy tends to see people he's not close with as tools, finding what might trigger them and use it at his advantage. The other, instead, can be blind to people's malicious intentions, focusing on what causes them to act they way they do and making excuses for their toxic traits as well. When first meeting someone, even though she owns nothing to that person, she will soon start to secretly analyze them, thinking of what she can do to make the other happy and satisfied.

In fact, another flaw she struggles with, is people pleasing. Eleonora's deepest desire is finding a place where she can fit in and where she can maintain harmony; she needs to be needed to be content and highly measures her self-worth based on the ones around her. She wishes to create an environment where all her loved ones are safe and sound, she hates instability and is willing to go to great lengths to make sure that everyone gets along. She's very avoiding of conflict, even small ones, and prefers to just play along if it means preventing a possible fight from happening.

She's naturally attracted to hurt people, the ones that look lonely or in need of comfort. Emotional support is something she has provided to her caretaker since youth, and while she genuinely enjoys caring for others, this is partly due to the fact that she refuses to make anyone go through the loneliness and rejection she felt as a child.

In fact, while she can be oblivious to others' fake kindness, she is also very good at spotting what might cause a person to get mad, sad or happy. She knows what to say to make sure that nobody will feel attacked, or she might even prefer to just not speak if she senses that a possible answer might trigger the one she's talking with.

Due to her actual lack of social experience, however, Eleonora tends to come off as pretty awkward and goofy when she's met with someone she's not used to be around. Her heart is in the right place, but she doesn't know how to properly make it work.

Her decision to go with everyone's wishes is also influenced by her fear of being left behind or abandoned due to past experiences. She believes that if she can't be "useful" to someone, they won't have a reason to stick with her anymore.

This also explains her high perfectionist behaviors. Eleonora considers a failure anything she hasn't put her heart and soul into, deeming it worthless if she doesn't push herself to her limits to achieve it. While this helps her reach great results and goals, it also puts a lot of self-destructive pressure on her shoulders, that she's unable to brush off since it is only determined by herself and her will.

Similar to how she tries to predict people's reactions, the girl has a thing for always focusing on the future, often idealizing it or, alternately, imagining the worst possible scenario. This causes her to focus on even very minor details to make sure that her plans are perfectly-crafted and have an high chance of working out. Because of this, she's also extremely ambitious and probably has some bigger scheme in mind when doing even something small, thinking of how that's going to help her get what she's settled her will on.

This explains why, even at a young age, Eleonora already perfectly knew what career and life she would have pursued if she hadn't met Giorno. She's determined and can get surprisingly stubborn to go on with her plan, becoming unusually blind to how it may affect others. It doesn't take much to snap her out of it, although it might surprise you just how rigid she could get.

Ss she values harmony and peace, she's not afraid to go against the flow if someone is being mistreated by the mass. An example is her defending her one her classmates from the rest after they started making fun of the kid, even if it meant putting herself in a negative light even more.

Her wanting to become a teacher is justified by the fact that it gives her the chance to fuse in one job everything she loves the most. She describes it as 'passing on something she's passionate about and seeing others succeed because of it'. It both brings her a sense of importance as she's helping someone, but also makes her feel even better because she's doing in while explaining something she genuinely likes.

In fact, despite coming off as a pushover, Eleonora can get very creative and imaginative, thrilled and stimulated even by the weirdest, least logical ideas and thoughts, and gladly discusses them. Her love for fictional worlds and fantasies also causes her to be extremely dense and oblivious to the 'concrete' world, disliking matters and topics such as Politics or geography.

She's extremely dreamy and idealistic, anything but down to earth, something she often gets scolded for by her parents. She might get so worked-up in her daydreaming sessions or just inner thoughts to not notice something standing in front of her eyes or a stain on her clothes.

She's an easily impressionable and scared person, being afraid of minor things such as bugs, heights or even unexpected loud noises and movements. Despite this, a part of her is attracted to the unknown and uncertainty, enjoying the feeling of living an 'adventure' as long as she has someone with her and the possibility to prepare even slightly beforehand. Her enthusiasm and interest for what is unconventional correlates to why she grows to love Golden wind so much, and to how she just doesn't listen to the blonde' s warning when she obtained her stand.

This contradicting nature is the reason why, while she does want to become part of the Vento aureo universe, she's also extremely shy, insecure and comes off as a 'scaredy-cat' when first meeting the gang.

Due to this tendency of thinking things through before they actually present themselves, she struggles with improvising or thinking on the spot, and often panics when the situation doesn't go exactly as she had planned. When faced with contingencies, not having the time to analyze a situation, Eleonora can make some excessively reckless and unsafe decision, as she's unable to keep her cool most the time, this is shown when she pushes Giorno and herself into the portal, without actually thinking of the consequences of her actions.

She's an emotional and nurturing person, who doesn't hesitate to wear her heart on her sleeves and openly shows happiness and affection, even excessively, around her loved ones. This emotional vulnerability pushes people to be more open about their feelings with her. This manifests in how fast she manages to make Trish and Narancia feel at ease around her. On the contrary, it also makes her an easy prey to take advantage of, especially because she is very quick to trust others.

Her sensitive nature proves itself to be a problem, especially when mixed with her paranoia and fear of abandonment. This manifests at her lowest point when she throws a tantrum in front of the boy, unable to listen to his reasoning for not wanting her to come with him, and convincing herself that he's just trying to leave her behind just like everyone did.

With time, she learns to let herself live in the moment, something she absolutely refused to do at the beginning of the story and previously. The gang's influence forces her to get out of her rules following mindset and, instead, stimulates her more repressed side in need of discovery and concrete experiences, basically going from "lawful good" to "chaotic good" on the alignment chart. She's seen smiling, openly talking and just presenting herself in a more optimistic light compared to her first introduction.

Relationships:

-Giorno:

Eleonora and Giorno's relationship starts off as pretty rocky. At first, they both struggle to see each other in a human light. The girl is still attached to the idealized 'perfect protagonist and person' version of the blonde she has created inside of her head from watching Vento aureo. This causes her to be extremely awkward around him, afraid of doing or saying something she wasn't supposed to and pushing him away even more. Despite her...Clumsiness, she still tries to make him feel at home in any way possible.

The boy, on the other hand, is confused by everything that is happening around him and prefers to keep his distance from the other, not sure if he should trust her or not. The main reason as to why he decided to stick with her was because she saw her as the quickest way to gain information regarding the world he had ended up in. He does, however, show a bit of sympathy in her regard from their first meeting, when he can't bring himself to hurt her, just because of how harmless and scared she was.

During the weeks following their first meeting, he sometimes asks her questions regarding the political or economical state of Italy and the world in general, not realizing that an average teen, especially one like her, who doesn't bother keeping up with what is happening around the world, has no idea how to answer.

When he notices her not mentioning anyone aside from her family, the brunette explains how she isn't exactly beloved by many, which reminds Giorno of his own childhood when people would ignore and make fun of him. Finding a way to relate to her, even just a bit, he starts to see her more as a person and starts to notice more clearly her hard work to create a nice atmosphere where they could live together.

At the same time, him opening up a little and showing more interest in Eleonora's hobbies, also motivates her to take down the idea of perfection she had associated with him and begins to treat him as a friend.

He's surprised to see how energetic she can get when the right buttons are pushed, such as her tripping from her bed when realizing she has unlocked Mood swing the morning after the aaccident.

They're the type of couple in which they are better at looking after the other rather than themselves. The girl's nurturing nature impresses Giorno, who is not used to receiving so much care and affection, especially since she offered him everything she had without really asking for anything in return. She's good at cheering him up and getting his mind off stressful things, either personal or just mafia-related. As the blonde's behavior is also influenced by his girlfriend's, he learns how to be more in contact with his feelings with her help, understanding that showing emotions or doubts is not something to be ashamed of.

At the same time, he helps Eleonora overcome her insecurities and fears, teaching her not to care about other people's judgment and how to stand up for herself. He loves her, but also wants her to be independent from anyone and develop her own sense of identity. Particularly in the second half of the story (chronologically speaking), any place where he can be found becomes Eleonora's safe zone and a place where she can find calmness and tranquility. Although his busy work-schedule doesn't allow him to be there for her 100% of the time, they always find a way to reunite and spend quality time together. They love going for long walks, in any pastry shop in the city (they share a love for sweet food!) or in public gardens.

While they might differ a lot in their hobbies and ways of interacting with the world, with Eleonora being a bit more unconscious, emotions-driven and sometimes an head in the clouds, while Giorno is rigid, serious and logical, they create a complex but functioning dynamic that allows them to grow, ironically because of their differences.

-Narancia

Narancia is Eleonora's closest and most trusted friend. He welcomes her with open arms when she first joins the gang, which catches her by surprise, but she quickly learns that his kindness towards her is due to her insecure and shaky attitude, similar to how he used to act when he was the newcomer instead.

The girl gladly reciprocates his sweetness, offering to help him with his homework and defending him in an argument with Fugo. Their genuine concern and desire to look after one another is pretty obvious.

In fact, the reason as to why they bond so easily, is because they're the opposite sides of the same coin, often seen as the two 'youngest members', as the children that need to be protected and as the 'most innocent ones'. This is not entirely false, and while they don't like the feeling of not really being seen as equals by the rest of the team, it helps them create a very strong friendship, finding comfort in each other as they don't fear the other's judgment in the slightest.

Eleonora's empathy and emotional awareness is a huge comfort for the other, who feels free to show a more fragile side around her, knowing very well that she isn't going to take advantage of him, nor will she dismiss his feelings or look down on him for being "so sensitive". She always has a word of reassurance ready and she's an exceptional listener, letting him vent for as long as he might need.

However, most of the time, Narancia always tries to make sure she's happy, showing her his excited, lovable and kinda bold side. He basically drags her into any activity the rest of the gang and him are up to, is awesome at making her laugh, and helps her let herself loosen up a bit and 'enjoy the moment', at least once in a while. He will purposely push her out of her comfort zone and what she's used to, which scares the girl but also stimulates her curiosity.

They also have a lot of hobbies and tastes in common, such as playing videogames, reading comics or music. They both have the same shitty sense of humor, and laugh together at the dumbest stuff. Very supporting and wholesome relationship, with sometimes an hint of sadness.

It is also implied, during the story, that Narancia does have a minor crush on her, but he never actually acknowledges it and, as such, it's never expanded properly.

-Trish

Trish, similar to the boy, also gladly helps her with getting used to her new life in the Bucci family (such as her showing the brunette around the villa). While at first, she's just excited by the idea of having another girl around, their friendship develops in something more significant than that.

The girl with green eyes encourages the other to look after herself a bit more, especially on a physical level, due to her tendency to neglect or completely forget about her appearance. She acts as a sort of big sister figure, sometimes making remarks on Eleonora's little crush on Giorno, and seeing her as a cute little angel who is too pure for her own good.

In reality, however, Trish also admires her in a way, for having the guts to join an Organization such as Passione and managing to get used to the Mafia's...Dynamics. She knows her 'little sister' is not the strongest one physically, but still thinks it's great how she's able to keep up with the others' attitudes during a battle.

They bond quite a lot over their shared love for music, and the older girl pushes her to share her piano abilities with others.

-Bucciarati

As Giorno cannot always help her, Bruno acts as Eleonora's 'comfort person' many times. She deeply admires the man and looks up to him as a role model to follow, this is also pretty obvious by the way she gets flustered when someone says that the two of them have similar ways of acting. They both enjoy caring for other people, are surely less 'lively' than some other members of the squad and love the sea.

Although in a less direct way than Trish and Narancia, he still tries to make her feel at ease in her new home, having a lot of faith and hope in her as she was brought there by the blonde. He firmly believes that all she needs is just someone who believes in her, and he's not wrong.

He appreciates her helping around the house or with every-day tasks when time she gets the chance to, even though he sometimes worries that she's overworking herself.

When Bucciarati notices Eleonora getting stressed or just not being in a good headspace, he'll calmly ask her what the matter is, but understands if she doesn't feel like talking about it, especially since most of her inner conflicts...Can't really be brought up around him.

In this case, he'll look for an alternative way to reassure her, but still reminding her that she doesn't need to hide anything from him nor the rest. Every time she has to lie to him, it feels like a direct punch in her guts.

He gladly teaches her how to cook and, even though, he's a bit embarrassed to admit it, he also shows her how to knit. The girl often comes to him when she accidentally ruins her clothes in a battle.

They enjoy doing community service together, grannies and children love them both.

Father-daughter relationship. If Bruno wasn't so young, you'd genuinely think he was her parent.

-Mista

Not much is there to be said about their relationship. The boy isn't bothered by her presence when he meets her, and just accepts her 'cause Giorno says she's cool. They are basically the complete opposite of each other, only finding common ground in bad jokes and weird ass ideas. This is probably her biggest pro in his book, the way she actually likes and encourages his theories instead of dismissing them like the rest of the team does. They get in some heated debate at lunch over why blood could potentially taste good and give the rest of the squad an headache.

Aside from that, they sometimes hang out with each other, but mostly because it's a group thing and Narancia and Trish are also involved.

They're friend, just not close.

-Abbacchio

Eleonora and Abbacchio don't really get along at first. He doesn't have anything against her personally, just the man being a jerk to the newcomer as usual. He does behave better than how he did with Giorno though, he doesn't want to mess too much with someone the Boss values close to himself.

He will often make provoking remarks regarding her scaredy-cat behavior and her lack of physical strength, but genuinely wonders how a 'weakling' like her managed to convince the blonde to let her join the team.

He does warm up to her after some time, and cannot deny (though he'll never say it out loud) that she reminds him a bit of Bruno with her whole 'worrying excessively about others' thing. The man himself tells her to take a break sometimes, and he definitely finds her less annoying than most of the 'hyperactive brats'.

It might surprise you, but the girl partially opens up to him about her past. Not getting into details, of course, but still mentioning some...Big regrets she carries on her conscience, which are not easy to get rid of. The albino might not be the best at comforting, but he still reassures her that even though she might have made mistakes in the past, her joining Passione remarks an effort to change for the better.

She knew he could understand how she felt better than anyone else, and almost ends up crying in front of him. He doesn't know how to react, but feels better when she tells him that's a positive thing.

He won't admit it, but he also considers her an unofficial daughter, similar to Bucciarati.

-Fugo

Oh...Where do I even begin?

Fugo and Eleonora's relationship is far from an healthy one...Basically through the entire story. While the boy isn't trusting of others at first in general, which could explain his initial coldness and bitterness towards her, the fact that he keeps on maintaining this behavior after months of knowing her, is the proof that there's something behind it.

When he can't justify it on her being new, he claims that he's being suspicious solely because she just acts...Too nicely, to be a mafiosa. He thinks of her as someone who is fake, dishonest and manipulative of others (which ain't completely wrong tho). While this isn't entirely a lie, as he genuinely believes this, it's mostly something he forced himself to be convinced of, because in reality...He's kind of jealous of her.

She's smart, goal-oriented and serious when needed...Traits they share with one another. But he can't help her but seeing her as sweeter, more patient, funnier and actually...Useful on missions, unlike him.

That's not how it actually is though, she is no perfect Saint and struggles a lot both on missions and with interacting with others, but Strawberry boy doesn't have a lot of self esteem, and genuinely thinks that she's everything he could be at his best.

With him having no reluctance to scream, insult, and sometimes almost get physical with her, Eleonora doesn't understand what she did wrong and genuinely doesn't know what to do to make him change his mind about her.

Luckily, with the others' help, the two of them end up being one of the reasons for each other's growth as people and characters, finally starting to get along, at least a bit. (In case you hadn't read it, this is explained in more details in the 'story' section').

Stand power and appearance:

Eleonora's stand is named 'Mood swing', and unlike most of them, the girl uses she/her pronouns for her spirit instead of it/its. She consists of a white creature around as tall as her Master (so 1,60 m), with wavy, kinda messy, long and black hair, a pair of down turned, dark eyes and rosy cheeks. Her fringe is also never properly in place and sometimes gets in front of her eyes. Aside from these, however, she doesn't present any other facial features.

She has a flower crown in her hair made of pink and golden carnations, her user's favourite flowers.

She wears a long, puffy brown dress, that covers up to her entire body. It is adorned with white laces in its lower part and on its sleeves. It also includes a pink/white round neck collar and a piece of cloth, similar to a cape, but that only reaches her back up to around the middle of it, allowing the image of a pink heart surrounded by golden silk to stick out.

In reality, however, the dress is merely to hide the fact that she lacks a body. It doesn't have arms, legs, a neck and so on...It is literally just an head attached to a piece of clothing. If you tried to put your arm inside of her sleeve, you'd find nothing but emptiness.

Due to more of half of her body structure missing, Mood Swing is incapable of attacking, not having the chance to punch or kick like most stands do. This is why she has to rely on her non-physical abilities in order to help in combat, at least indirectly.

Her powers are divided in two categories:

First of all, she can feel the emotions of everyone in a room or any sort of space. She can decide to either choose someone in particular, or just sense the general atmosphere of a place.

This turns out to be important, as Eleonora is, by consequence, useful for tracking down enemies as well as Narancia, when the other's radar cannot be trusted as it spots the breathing of animals as well. Even in a crowded place, if everyone looks relaxed, but she senses unusual tension from one of them, she knows she's found the target.

This also helps with interrogating a potential enemy. She would approach them casually, especially since, from her appearance, you wouldn't really tell she's a mafiosa. As soon as she notices something out of the ordinary, like an unexplainable agitation in the other, she comes to the conclusion that they're a threat, and warns the rest of the team.

Outside of battle, however, she's also seen using this ability in order to make sure that her loved ones aren't hiding any negative feelings from her. This often happens with Giorno, who just cannot pretend to be okay when she's in the room, as she will easily tell that something's off and will use her stand to confirm her doubts, no matter how good the boy might be at masquerading his emotions.

Secondly, she can project what she is feeling into everyone around her or on specific targets. The intensity of the emotion, however, is amplified depending on how close she is to the person she wants to use this power on.

While this is supposed to be her main offensive mean, the ability turns out to be unstable plenty of times, especially due to Eleonora's tendencies of letting her feelings control her instead of her controlling them.

For example, choosing which target to project the emotion on requires precision and mind-clearing, something she highly struggles with. If she, herself, is experiencing an highly sensitive moment, she might be incapable of keeping Mood Swing under control, activating her and influencing everyone in her range, including her allies. This turns out to be a huge problem when she and Fugo are sent on mission together, because due to her growing anxious from the enemies getting closer and closer, she cannot summon her stand, or the blonde would be attacked by her too.

In the most extreme case, the creature could be summoned and act even when her user didn't mean to take her out in the first place.

When Eleonora is able to...Not lose her cool excessively, Mood swing turns out to be vital for completing a task. When the target is close enough, they will pass out, as something too intense such as excessive sadness or anger makes oneself lose consciousness, due to the amount of adrenaline going through the body.

Even when they don't become completely harmless, being under the stand's attack is no easy job to deal with. She can slow one down, make their berating much heavier, their vision less clear, their movements less precise...Almost like lowering an npc's stats in a game.

A simple example: if she feels insecure regarding the outcome of a mission, and an enemy suddenly comes from behind her, they will pretty much experience a panic attack on the spot. Or, as seen when she first uses her stand, her anger from the two boys trying to steal her properties is projected into them, who end up passing out. This does put Eleonora in a situation where she basically always has to feel...Bad, In order to be helpful, but she doesn't mind, not too much anyway.

Once the target is spotted and immobilized, her partner comes in and basically steals the kill.

(End of the story only) After she has matured and grown as a person through her journey, Mood Swing still remains the same in appearance, but unlocks a new power: the ability to use her long sleeves like the ends of a rope, chocking and strangling an enemy to the point of killing them.

This is only a feature of her that we see when the girl's character development, and by consequence the narration, are almost over. As she has gotten stronger, physically and most of all mentally, she's able to overcome one of her biggest struggles and something that highly held her back when faced with danger. The fact that it is not a direct mean of attack, however, proves that despite everything, she still considers violence one of her last resorts.

Stand stats:

Destructive power: None

Speed: None/A. Mood swing automatically interferes when her user feels threatened and immediately activates her power, similar to how Heaven's door turns people into books.

Range: A. The stand makes up for her lack of physical power through having an extremely wide range, up to hundreds of meters.

Stamina: C. While her power could potentially be used endlessly, it is very unlikely that Eleonora will keep on feeling the same emotion for a long period of time.

Precision: E. As explained before, the creature's precision can vary and is highly unreliable.

Development potential: A, but C at the end of the story, after obtaining a third ability. Could she, one day, gain an actual body? Who knows.

Physical appearance:

Eleonora is a girl of average height, around 1,60 metres tall, making her the shortest gang member. She's mostly slim, but is rounder than average on her thighs and ass. Trish often tries to compliment her body, but accidentally makes the other think that she's fat.

She has dark brown hair and eyes, part of her forehead is covered by her fringe, which she insists of 'hiding' because it's 'too big'. Her face is long and she has small lips, but an incredibly pretty smile. She wears round shaped, golden glasses and has a small waist.

Her look, like mentioned before, changes a lot along the story.

When she first meets Giorno, her hair reaches her shoulders, and she's dressed as how you would expect an average teen girl alone at home to look like. A simple T-shirt, a jacket, some oversized trousers...Nothing special. The rest of her wardrobe also doesn't stick out, mostly just consisting of jeans, some elegant pieces of clothing for special occasions and monochrome shirts. It's stated that she doesn't really like dressing in such a basic way, but is afraid of people's reaction if she were to wear something...Less common.

When Giorno comes to know this, he gifts her the outfit she wears basically for half of the journey. It consists of a white, long sleeved chemise, decorated with some buttons at the level of her chest, and paired with a cream and red checkered skirt that almost reaches her knees. She often wears short, white socks and brown boots to accompany the rest.

This is what she's seen wearing when leaving her world, when first meeting the gang, and during some of her hangouts with them.

However, after knowing the rest for quite some time, she decides to give a more 'radical change' to her appearance. She doesn't bother trying to fix or brush her fringe anymore, she moves a part of her hair to the side and dyes it pink, together with the upper pair of her haircut as well.

She starts wearing a pink and white corset, decorated and tightened with a white ribbon almost at the level of her waist, and puffy, sheer transparent sleeves. Along her arms, she wears satin sleeves, that end in transparent sheer too.

She wears a brown belt with an heart in the middle and white shorts that reach her knees. The trousers are adorned by a long, satin pink skirt, coated with laces on top and by the sides, while in the front (I'd say halfway through the shorts) and inside, more sheer.

She's still seen wearing brown boots, but it's a taller pair compared to her previous one.

Similar to Bruno's little hairpins, she also has two heart shaped ones in her hair.

At first, she doesn't personally feels the need to change, and mostly decided to go through with this idea just for the mere desire to 'blend in more' with the gang. She feels too...Generic, this isn't going to help if she really wants to be a part of them...Or at least, that's what she thinks.

She does grow to genuinely appreciate her look, keeping on dressing like that because it makes her feel good.

By the end of the story, Giorno has healed her eyesight, so she no longer needs glasses, and her hair reaches the lower part of her back. She also has two small bandages, one on her nose and one on the side of her cheek.

References for her look:

The pictures were respectively made by:

-@hikikomori-route

-@maladaptivedongdreamer

-@kakyoin-n0rii

Check them out, they're extremely talented artists! ^^

Fun facts, hobbies, likes and dislikes:

Eleonora dislikes being called by her full name, she thinks it's too long and formal, and often feels dense or uncomfortable when a friend of her uses it. She prefers to be called by a nickname, or simply "Ele"

She has a huge sweet tooth, but her biggest weakness is chocolate. She cannot humanely make it through the day without eating a piece of it, it's her fuel.

She loves indie games and RPGs. Her favourites being Undertale, Deltarume, Omori, Ddlc and Radiant Historia.

She likes Vocaloids but is embarrassed to admit it.

Her favourite time of the year is Christmas.

The biggest inspirations behind her design are the Pearls from Steven Universe, while Mood Swing was inspired by Queen Ripple from the Kirby Franchise.

The stand was designed a lot earlier than the character herself, and it was simply a brainstorming of mine while I was unable to fall asleep.

For any ship name regarding her x another character, simply take the first two or three letter of the other, and add 'el' (ex. Gioel, Narel, Fuel, Trel...)

The reason why she started to play the piano, was to learn how to play 'Your reality'.

She loves to bake, but always stains her clothes in some dumb way.

She's a huge picky eater. In particular, she hates ham, salami and most liquid foods (like soup).

She hates geography, latin and Politics.

She's an INFJ 1w9.

She's never had a crush in real life, her only love interest was Giorno.

She's Christian and feels strongly about religion.

She's asexual.

Quotes:

"Look...I-I know that it's not easy to accept, or even just...Acknowledge. But that is not you, you...Your friends, are okay, they're all okay, they're safe and sound...Because of you!"

"Y-You wouldn't just...HEY, GIO-Giorno... Where d-do you think you're going?"

"Nu-uh, you've worked enough today, lay down and I'll handle everything!"

"I have a...OH MY GOD! HAHA, IN GUARDIA, ENEMY STAND USERS, 'CAUSE THE STAND MASTER ELEONORA AND HER AMAAAZING MOOD SWING, ARE ABOUT TO KICK YOUR ASS!"

"I hate doing this, but I have a reputation to maintain, I can't just...Let everyone down like that...Especially myself"

"I either put everything I have into something, or there is no point in doing it in the first place"

"Guys, why don't Christmas and New Year fall on the same day?"

"I won't, I mean...At the end of the day, it was my choice"

"You say you owe me everything...But sometimes, I don't think you understand how that everything, would have never happened if I had been...Alone"

"Living in the moment? That...Sounds wrong"

"I'm okay, I just...It happens sometimes, that's all"

"Mood Swing can tell me that you're sad, but not the reason why. That...Is something I figure out on my own, because I know you"

"Yes I am! I'm a liar, a selfish, manipulative liar! I ran away from the ones who love me, and now...I'm just delaying the moment they will start to hate me too, and it's all my fault"

"Why am I doing this? Because...It's the right thing to do. That's just how it is. When...When I see someone in pain, I can't just stand there and act as it's nothing, I need to interfere, to be...Useful"

"I get it, I just...Burst into your life out of nowhere, and everyone was so quick to accept me, it confused me too. But...I'm no replacement to you, none of them...Of us, would ever leave you behind"

"Wanna see a video of a stick bug dancing?"

"When someone succeeds, and you know you've helped them arrive that far, isn't that just the best feeling in the world?"

"Hug?...Please?"

"Once, I spaced out while my mother was telling me how to use a printer"

"I have this tendency of just...Suppressing the past, you know? It's my way to block out negative things, acting as they have never happened, to the point of forgetting about them entirely...Still working on the last bit though"

Songs I associate with her:

youtube

I think that's all, but if you have any questions regarding her, don't hesitate to ask! ^^

9 notes · View notes

riddlecrux · 4 years ago

Text

Miserable together, happy apart: a dive into Elain and Lucien's relationship

This meta is based solely on textual pieces of evidence that can be found through the whole ACTOAR series written by SJM. My observations come from the text and what was given to us, the audience, by the author of the book. Due to the fact that this topic is connected with a raging shipping war, I would like to make an important note at the beginning of this (probably) long comparison post. This meta will be touching subjects such as trauma, forced and unhealthy relationships, being uncomfortable around the other person, and enforced feeling of duty. On that note, it's anti Elain and Lucien relationship.

The starting point of the whole relationship and mating bond begins in ACOMAF, when Lucien contributes to Archeron sisters being kidnapped - leading to them being Made. I'm very concerned with the way how this fandom seems to collectively forget about the trauma that Elain went through when she was pushed inside the Cauldron. After ACOSF we are left with the idea that being Made wasn't pleasant - on the contrary, it was horrible and scary, it left Nesta with psychological scars and mental barriers. So why are people forgetting that, in fact, it was Elain who undergone the same terrifying experience first? SJM had described this whole situation very vividly and painfully detailed. It was there to show us that both Elain and Nesta went through something disturbing and traumatizing. That's why I would like to start with a notion of TRAUMA:

"Elain’s foot hit the water, and she screamed—screamed in terror that hit me so deep I began sobbing."

Feyre is there to witness her sisters being shoved into Cauldron and one can only imagine how terrifying it was to observe such a thing. However, there is no amount of words to describe how utterly frightening it was for Elain to be pushed into the unknown. She was the first one, an experiment for everyone to see.

"More water than seemed possible dumped out in a cascade. Black, smoke-coated water. And Elain, as if she’d been thrown by a wave, washed onto the stones facedown. Her legs were so pale—so delicate. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen them bare."

Elain was a proper lady. She was the one who went along with the prevailing etiquette and rules. Feyre notices Elain's bare skin and how she doesn't even remember when was the last time she saw so much of it in the broad daylight. Elain was modest, she followed the social obligations and we as readers are presented with the fact that all her principles are being violated in front of these strangers and people she knew from before.

"Elain was still shivering on the wet stones, her nightgown shoved up to her thighs, her small breasts fully visible beneath the soaked fabric. Guards snickered."

She was let out in the open after such a traumatizing event. Just after being Made, the first thing she experiences is another form of trauma. She is involuntary stripped bare in front of males, her proper upbringing and modesty ruined as they openly laugh at her nakedness. It's another traumatic event, not even a moment after her whole human life was taken away from her.

"As Lucien took off his jacket, kneeling before Elain. She cringed away from the coat, from him—"

It's not surprising that she acted that way. He is yet another male who appears out of nowhere, comes at her when she is in a very vulnerable position. Not to mention, that he is connected to the fact that she and Nesta were kidnapped and used as hostages. He plays a role in her trauma, a trauma that is still happening around her. Elain is subjected to watch her older sister going through the same thing she went through.

"Lucien’s hands slackened at his sides. His voice broke as he whispered to Elain, “You’re my mate.”"

I would say that it wasn't a good thing to say at that moment. It's yet another brick in the wall of traumas that Elain just went through. She lost her human life, she was Made, she lost her human fiance, was kidnapped and used as an experiment, ridiculed due to her nakedness and vulnerability, watched her sister being shoved into the Cauldron. Now she is presented with the fact that she was stripped off of her free will, and she still doesn't have freedom of choice. The lack of choice is evident, she just doesn't let it fall upon her as the trauma she had just endured was too great to even imagine how that declaration could shake her already broken heart.

“From my sister’s stories. Her friend.” “Yes.” But Elain blinked slowly. “You were in Hybern.” “Yes.” It was all he could say. “You betrayed us.”

Elain is aware of the fact that he was a part of her trauma. He was there when she got kidnapped and watched her being Made. She acknowledges the fact that he is partially responsible for what has happened to her and her sister. Not only Elain but Lucien as well. Lucien is also very much aware of the fact that he had contributed to her pain and hardship. Those feelings are also very prominent in the way he approaches her and behaves around her. The knowledge that she is that way because of his mistake.

FORCED RELATIONSHIP:

Both Elain and Lucien find themselves forced to "be" together. It wasn't a natural thing that happened between them, not a healthy type of bond snapping in its place. They were put together because of the Cauldron's decision.

She was nothing like Jesminda. Jesminda had been all laughter and mischief, too wild and free to be contained by the country life that she’d been born into. She had teased him, taunted him—seduced him so thoroughly that he hadn’t wanted anything but her. She’d seen him not as a High Lord’s seventh son, but as a male. Had loved him without question, without hesitation. She had chosen him. Elain had been … thrown at him.

Even Lucien, who had loved and lost his previous lover acknowledges the fact that it is something that both of them didn't want. Their bond essentially stripped both of them of their free will. They hadn't chosen each other, they were just put together in a fickle decision of The Cauldron. His previous love story signalizes that Lucien also wants to be chosen, wants to be loved by someone who decided that he is the man that the other person wants to love and spend their life with him.

“I am Lucien. Seventh son of the High Lord of the Autumn Court.” And a whole lot of nothing.

Lucien has also his own issues - family feud, the fact that his friend betrayed him and in the end, it was him who did the same. He has troubles on his mind that are concerning. He's self-conscious in front of Elain because as Lucien is a reminder of her trauma - she is a reminder of his biggest mistake and another painful ending on his part. She's a living proof of his betrayal, how he went against his common sense and stabbed his friend, Feyre, in the back by bringing her sister into the scene.

The words were a rasp as he instead said, “I know. I’m sorry.” She did not love him, want him, need him. Another male’s bride. A mortal man’s wife. Or she would have been.

He is aware of the fact that Elain doesn't feel anything for him, that she was promised to another and she had planned her life with that person. Just like him in the past - it was his choice to love, want, and need Jesminda. As he's trying to keep his composure the feelings of the bond swirl around, yet Lucien still understands that both of them ended up with something they didn't want.

“When I sleep,” she murmured, “I can hear your heart beating through the stone.” She angled her head, as if the city view held some answer. “Can you hear mine?” He wasn’t sure if she truly meant to address him, but he said, “No, lady. I cannot.”

Even though they were "blessed" with this bond, the thread of it is weak and very unlike the other ones in SJM universe. As if it wasn't working properly - they both do not complete each other. Few pages before Elain says that she can hear Feyre's and Nesta's heartbeat and yet her mate can't hear hers? How is that possible? Also Lucien doesn't understand Elain - he sees her as someone who is devastated by her ruined human life, which is true, but right we as readers know by now that Elain was suffering because nobody seemed to realize what was wrong with her. Their first meeting doesn't spark hope for their future. It only showcases how wrong they both are for each other, two wounds plastered against each other.

BEING UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND EACH OTHER: Sadly both Elain and Lucien are pushed together by Feyre and her little meddling - which isn't something that they both want to undergo.

It was the most uncomfortable thirty minutes I could recall. (...) Pretending, while Lucien and Elain sat in stilted silence by the dim fireplace, an untouched tea service between them.

Even Feyre admits that a previously arranged get-together was a mistake. Because Lucien and Elain are wary of their presence around each other, they constantly remind each other's traumas and painful memories. Elain can barely stand his presence and Lucien is aware of that fact - the only thing that keeps him trying to break that barrier is their bond.

She rose to her feet, and Lucien shot to his. “I’m sorry,” he blurted. “What—what was that?” Mor put a hand on my knee to keep me from rising, too. “It—it was a tug. On the bond.”

Even their mating bond isn't a thing of comfort. They can't navigate through it, both of them uncomfortable because of their proximity. Lucien feels as if he has to repay his debt towards Elain, however, neither of them wants to close the distance. Their wounds are still fresh, both of them not entirely healed. They are constantly rubbing their hurt on each other, meeting after meeting.

“Nothing,” he said, and again faced his mate. “I’m sorry—if that unsettled you.” Elain sidled toward Nesta, who seemed to be at a near-simmer. “It felt … strange,” Elain breathed. “Like you pulled on a thread tied to a rib.” Lucien exposed his palms to her. “I’m sorry“.

He feels guilty all the time he's around her. He can't navigate through the mating bond as it doesn't work properly. It's uncomfortable, hurtful, and tense. Just like the relationship between them, it is not a good thing. They are basically strangers thrown at each other after seeing the other person at their lowest. It's not a coincidence that the bond between them is a mirror to their rough, strained relation.

Lucien murmured to me, eye still fixed on Elain, “Should we—does she need …?”

Lucien just stared and stared at my sister, as if he’d never seen her before.

Even with the bond, Lucien can't understand what Elain needs. They are basically strangers, yet the bond doesn't do anything to him in regards to helping her. They are constantly uncomfortable around each other, they try to avoid each other throughout the series because of the fact that they both don't want to be in this forced relationship. Lucien feels obliged to keep persuading her due to the bond, whereas Elain wants nothing to do with the said bond. They are in a maze of constant avoidance and unbearable proximity, which is very soundly described in the text and I would like to present some very important passages:

He hadn’t mentioned Elain, or his proximity to her. Elain had not asked him to stay or to go. And whether she cared about the bruises on his face, she certainly hadn’t let on.

Elain, at least, would be too polite to send Lucien away when he wanted to help. She was too polite to send him away on a normal day. She just ignored him or barely spoke to him until he got the hint and left. As far as I knew, he hadn’t come within touching distance since the aftermath of that final battle.

No, as Elain took a step back, hand falling away from the doorknob, she revealed Lucien smiling tightly at us both. “Happy Solstice,” was all he said.

A sidelong glance toward Elain, swift and fleeting. “Both of you.” Elain said nothing, but at least she bowed her head in thanks.

“You’re welcome to stay for the night,” I said, since Elain certainly wasn’t going to. Lucien lowered his hands into his lap and leaned back in the armchair. “Thank you, but I have other plans.” I prayed he didn’t catch the slightly relieved glimmer on Elain’s face.

My sister rose to her feet. “I should get refreshments.” Lucien rose as well. “No need to trouble yourself. I’m—” But she was already out of the room.

I would love to bring attention to the fact that Lucien understands and realizes that their relationships will never work. He acknowledges it in the text, with his own words!

"Give her time to accept it.” “To accept a life shackled to me?”

“Spend time with her.” “I don’t think she’ll tolerate two minutes alone with me, so forget about two weeks.” His jaw worked as he studied the fire.

He shook off my grip and headed for the door. “I can’t stand to be in the same room as her for more than two minutes."

ELAIN'S AGENCY: Throughout ACOWAR, ACOFAS and ACOSF Elain tries to get away from the bond and in conclusion also from Lucien himself. She doesn't acknowledge their bond and time after time she runs away from the fact that they are bound to each other. The thing is, Elain, probably doesn't know how to break their bond - we as readers are reminded in Azriel's POV how important their mating bond is for the Night Court, which makes her a sort of political pawn. It is yet another thing that is taken away from her, which to be honest is a kind of a hypocritical thing coming from Rhys and Feyre. We know that Elain is timid, however after slowly recovering from her trauma she started to voice out her discomfort connected to Lucien and their forced relationship.

I knew I wasn’t truly angry with her, not angry with anyone but myself, but I said, “You couldn’t say a single word to him? A pleasant greeting?” Elain only stared at the steaming kettle as she set it on the stone counter. “He brought you a present.” Those doe-brown eyes turned toward me. Sharper than I’d ever seen them. “And that entitles him to my time, my affections?”

Lucien still makes her uncomfortable, he is a constant reminder of her trauma and lost life. Another thing is that Lucien doesn't even know her, doesn't see her which is something that is very important to her. Everything he does is based on the fact that he is connected to her via mating bond, not by his own free choice. Which, again, is presented to us in her own words in the text:

“No.” I blinked. “But he is a good male.” Despite our harsh words. Despite this Band of Exiles bullshit. “He cares for you.” “He doesn’t know me.” “You don’t give him the chance to even try to do so.” Her mouth tightened, the only sign of anger in her graceful countenance. “I don’t want a mate. I don’t want a male.”

It doesn't help that the one who pushes her forward into this spiral of unbearable proximity with someone she hadn't chosen and don't want to be around, is her own sister. Yet, she stands her ground and sets boundaries. She is her own person and she wants to get to chose. ELAIN AROUND LUCIEN:

I handed Elain the small box with her name on it. Her smile faded as she opened it. “Enchanted gloves,” she read from the card. “That won’t tear or become too sweaty while gardening.” She set aside the box without looking at it for longer than a moment.

I found my sister in the kitchen, watching the kettle scream. “He’s not staying for tea,” I said.

I said to Lucien when we’d settled in the armchairs before the fire, Elain perched silently on the couch nearby.

I found my sister in the kitchen, watching the kettle scream. “He’s not staying for tea,” I said.

I said to Lucien when we’d settled in the armchairs before the fire, Elain perched silently on the couch nearby.

Elain had picked up the teacup, and now sipped from it without so much as looking toward him.

Elain only stared at him for a long moment. And any lucidity faded away as she shook her head, blinking twice (...).

He glanced at Elain, who was again studying her lap.

Elain now watched Lucien warily. Blinking every now and then.

He only glanced at Elain, whose face was again a calm void while she traced a finger over the embroidery on the couch cushions.

Their gazes locked and held. But Elain said nothing. Did not so much as take one step downward.

Elain, the wretch, had taken the seat between Feyre and Varian, about as far from Lucien as she could get.

Elain only shrank further into herself, no trace of that newfound boldness to be seen.

As you can see Elain feels: - uncomfortable - on edge - withdrawn - wary - closed off - silenced (she always loses the will to speak around Lucien, going deeper inside of her) - melancholic (she watches as kettle boil without flinching as if she wandered in the maze of her mind). Elain loses her comfort and courage around Lucien, which is problematic and utterly sad to witness. He is a constant reminder for her of violation against her own free will, but also a living proof of her own trauma. LUCIEN AROUND ELAIN:

Lucien surveyed it all with cool indifference. What he felt about Elain, what he planned to do … I didn’t want to ask.

“I would never hurt her.” A bleak sort of honesty in his words.

He tried to sound casual—comfortable. Even as his heart raced and raced, so swift he thought he might vomit on the very expensive, very old carpet.

He didn’t expect her to answer, and he gave himself all of one more minute before he’d rise from this chair and leave.

Betrayal, queasy and oily, slid through his veins. He’d said the same to Jesminda once.

He wished she’d shoved him out the window behind her.

He wasn’t sure how to respond, so he said nothing, and drained his tea, even as it burned his mouth.

“I think she went through something terrible,” Lucien countered carefully. “And it wouldn’t hurt to have your best healer do a thorough examination.”

Lucien looked to her, then over to me. A muscle feathered in his jaw. “Nothing,” he said, and again faced his mate. “I’m sorry—if that unsettled you.”

Lucien exposed his palms to her. “I’m sorry.”

Lucien murmured to me, eye still fixed on Elain, “Should we—does she need …?”

Lucien silently slid into one of the chairs, before the window, that metal eye whirring as it roved over my sister.

Lucien just stared and stared at my sister, as if he’d never seen her before.

Lucien inclined his head in a bow, the movement hiding the gleam in his eye —the longing and sadness.

“I am not always in this city to see my mate.” The last two words dripped with discomfort.

Lucien feels: - uncomfortable - guilty - uneasy - confused (especially in the moments where Elain is having visions and he doesn't understand what's happening with her) - apologetic (he is constantly saying sorry to her) - tense

The guilt eats him every time he is around Elain, he is constantly apologizing while battling his inner problems such as remembering his true love. He was stripped off of his choice and even if the mating bond is there, he isn't happy. He is in constant pain just like Elain because both of them are each other wounds, each other reminder of trauma. They can't heal together because they are only happy when they are apart - Elain blooms in the Night Court, as we have read in ACOSF she is coming up with terms of Fae life and her own powers, adjusting her life to the notion of immortality. She is content and courageous and yet everything vanishes when Lucien is around. The same thing goes for Lucien. Lucien was struggling with her around him - he didn't know her, he didn't know what was happening to her as well. They were both strangers thrown at each other without their own say in this whole situation. Not to mention that their meetings were always arranged and supervised by others. When he sets on the journey to find Vassa he finds freedom and belonging - which was something he was battling in ACOWAR, after betraying his friends and his court, after being at odds in Night Court, and after being uncomfortable around his mate. He didn't have that sense of belonging in any of those things.

Elain and Lucien aren't compatible nor perfect for each other. They are constant reminders of traumas they experienced. They will never work out because they make each other miserable while being together, and they feel free and content apart. Their happiness lies with free choice, free will both of them were looking for in their lives. They are bound together against their own, and the only key for them being happy in this farce is setting themselves free. A choice of freedom. I strongly believe that after their rejection of the bond both of them could, perhaps, form a friendship. It would have been some sort of catharsis - to dwell upon the fact that they overcame that obstacle. That they chose to be happy apart, and not be shackled by this miserable bond.

#anti elucien #pro elain #pro elain archeron #elain archeron #acotar #i mean technically this is pro elriel #elriel #anti forced bond #elain and lucien as friends #not mates #also pls be civil in the comments

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shihalyfie · 4 years ago

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02′s influence on Adventure

You’re probably reading the title and going “...what? Isn’t 02 the sequel to Adventure? How would a series be influenced by its own future sequel?”

The thing is, assuming that Adventure was written in a vacuum and everything in 02 a retrofit runs very contrary to how both series were produced, and how this kind of anime is produced in general -- Adventure and 02 share almost identical staff members, and were separated only by a real-life single week in airing time. 02′s existence was not a sudden last-minute decision that was tacked on at the end! In fact, Adventure being extended to a second series was decided seven months into its production, right around the end of the Tokyo arc (sometime around the third cour). Despite it being a rather tonally different series, 02 is really just Adventure’s staff...writing more.

This means that by the time production had moved to Adventure’s final arc, the staff was very aware that they would be on for another year writing a sequel to this anime -- which thus likely became the fuel behind many of its creative decisions, made specifically to pave the way for 02.

The ending

Yeah, so, this ending. You know this really famous ending? The one that’s had such an impact on franchise history that a lot of later things have even tried to imitate it in some form? The one that everyone cites as one of Adventure’s most famous scenes (for good reason)? This ending only exists because of 02. You know what actually would have been Adventure’s ending if 02 hadn’t existed?

The 02 epilogue.

The ending that we now know as the “02 epilogue” was actually decided on before recording for Adventure had even started. (They weren’t even sure about finalizing the character personalities yet!) All of the most substantial details about that epilogue -- the series actually being the adult Takeru’s novel, everyone in the world having a Digimon partner, and, as it seems, even Yamato and Sora getting married -- were decided on before 02 was even in the picture. Most likely, the only material difference would have been that the four characters introduced in 02 (Daisuke, Miyako, Iori, and Ken) and their partners wouldn’t have been involved, but everything else would have roughly been the same as the “epilogue” we know now. (This especially makes sense when you consider that one of Adventure’s major influences was the movie Stand By Me, which is extremely culturally influential in Japan as a “childhood summer adventure story”, and involves a similar timeskip epilogue with one character growing up to chronicle the story as a writer.) All of this was basically intended to tie into Adventure as a narrative of “a story of humanity’s evolution”, so this ending was envisioned as the “natural conclusion” of the story of Adventure as a whole. If anything from the original Adventure ending would have been retained in this hypothetical scenario of only Adventure existing, perhaps the sentiment of “parting” at the end -- but then it would still be followed by a timeskip epilogue 28 years later and everyone in the world having a partner.

But then it was decided that a second series would be made, and at some point they decided it would be a series set three years after the first, resulting in: this.

What this means is that Adventure’s ending was only ever intended as an ending for a single chapter in the overall Adventure series narrative. A lot of people like to pose 02′s existence or epilogue as something that “undid” Adventure’s ending, as if it was supposed to be some “ambiguous bittersweet” ending about whether they ever met their partners again, but...that ignores the real-life context of Adventure and 02′s production, where Our War Game! (which depicted an easy reunion with their partners, went out of its way to cameo Miyako in advance, and, for all intents and purposes, practically spoiled Adventure’s ending by depicting them as separated at all) screened before Adventure’s last episode aired, and there’s also the Adventure mini dramas that depicted more incidental meetings (and despite the constant fourth wall breaking and absurd crack content in them, yes, they’re intended to be taken as canon).

Again: in real life, the first episode of 02 aired one week after the last episode of Adventure. Even the real-life audience was likely well aware that this wasn’t going to be the end (and if they weren’t, they certainly would be when the promotional trailers for 02 started airing right after Adventure’s last -- and that’s assuming you missed all of the promotion appearing in real life beforehand, including at the end of Our War Game!’s screenings). The production staff all knew, because they’d already been working on 02 for months now -- they postponed their originally intended ending just to make this new one, after all!

So yeah, this line isn’t supposed to be just a vague “oh, maybe they’ll meet again” in an abstract poetic sense -- it’s completely literal, because it’s hinting at said gate opening again one real-life week later.

From both a story perspective and a real-life audience perspective, this ending was never meant to be seen as ambiguous.

Takeru and Hikari’s character arcs

02 often gets an accusation of being lacking in the character development department (one that I seriously disagree with and have been working very hard to counter), but this accusation especially gets levied often at Takeru and Hikari, who are often said to be “flat” or “kind of just there” in 02 (which, again, I object to; more on this below). This is often rationalized as a theory that the writers didn’t know what to do with them because they’d already been in Adventure, but...this, again, assumes too much that Adventure was written in a self-contained vacuum and anything in 02 was just an addition done after the fact.

There’s actually quite a bit of evidence that the last cour (or at least a significant amount of it) was written with the idea that Takeru and Hikari were going to be starring in the next series in mind.

This is especially pretty apparent when you get to the last episode, where Takeru and Hikari are conspicuously the ones to leave off on the most confident “we’ll meet again” notes, compared to the other six. Of course, they do it in their own respective ways (Takeru and Patamon resolve to make it happen, while Hikari cryptically acts like it’s already bound to happen, borderline prophetically), and maybe you could chalk it up to the fact that they’re the youngest and therefore most naive of this group...but, again, remember: 02′s first episode aired one week after this one, where we would immediately be treated to Takeru and Hikari following up on this. Given that, you can basically see this as a wink and a nod: “yeah, these two have a story that’s not over yet.”

And as much as I may sound like a heathen to the fanbase by claiming this, I would actually say that it’s the opposite of the above claim: Takeru and Hikari both have pretty unresolved arcs by the end of Adventure compared to the rest of the other kids, and in fact are fleshed out more in 02. It’s honestly kind of a stretch to say that they “already got development” in Adventure -- Takeru still has a ton of unresolved issues with his family and trauma and emotional behavior that aren’t properly addressed to nearly the same degree as how the older kids have their core issues brought to the forefront, while Hikari really was only around for less than half the series, and not only is her main problem of emotional suppression told purely from Taichi’s mouth and not her own, we also get no real follow-up on how she intends to work past that.

Those are some pretty huge things to leave unresolved at the end of a series that’s known for its focus on individual character development, and considering that the premise of 02 involving an older Takeru and Hikari was likely finalized around the middle of the last arc of Adventure, it’s easy to believe that they decided to deliberately hold off on resolving Takeru and Hikari’s issues in full so that their story could be told in the next series. And, indeed, while their characters being built on “being difficult to read” makes their development not quite as visible as some of the more eccentric personalities in the 02 cast, their respective Jogress partners (Iori and Miyako) more openly discuss and get to the bottom of their issues that had been lightly displayed or hinted in Adventure but never truly been addressed.

A lot of things that were not in Adventure

Adventure was admittedly kind of written as they went along (they didn’t even originally plan to have Hikari as the eighth child at first), so it’s hard to tell exactly what was planned and what was a later addition (and at what point things were added), but considering that the 02 epilogue was one of the first things planned in the entire series, as part of “a story of humanity’s evolution” and tying into a really long theory about partners doubling every year, it’s probably at least safe to say that a lot of the worldbuilding and lore was determined very early.

02 added a lot of lore dumps about Digital World mechanics and things related to the overall state of Chosen Children, which have been said by many to be retrofits to justify a buildup to the 02 epilogue, but, again -- the 02 epilogue was supposed to be for Adventure, so it’s very likely that these lore aspects were intended for Adventure as well! This is especially because it’s been outright confirmed that there were at least certain things originally intended for Adventure that ended up in 02, or at least were in 02 because they felt Adventure didn’t sufficiently cover it:

The kids’ home lives. As famous as the Tokyo arc of Adventure is, it only covered about a quarter of it -- the rest of it was the kids stranded in another world, separated from home! It’s specifically 02 that went into all of the things like school life, family life, daily life in Odaiba, and everything closer to the real world -- basically, everything related to family backgrounds that was very likely to have been in the planning documents for Adventure but never made it.

The (in)famous 02 episode 13 (or, at least, something like it) was intended for Adventure. As much as there’s common speculation that this episode was intended to be some giant subplot that got canned, from what we’ve heard from the staff, the truth actually seems to be a lot more mundane -- Adventure was a series very big on “oddities about the Digital World that have no real explanation” (see: phone booths), and when you reframe it in Adventure’s context, it’s likely that Dagomon and the Dark Ocean were intended to be yet another of those as part of its wider lore about the multiverse, to make you think “the heck was that?” but never get any real answer to. (And while it’s unclear whether the original theoretical Adventure version of this episode would have still involved Takeru and Hikari, if you want to put a tinfoil hat on and entertain that theory, it lends even further credence to the idea that their respective character arcs were deliberately held off for 02...)

Given that, and thinking about the 02 epilogue as the eventual goal for the series, you can also easily imagine a lot of 02-introduced things leading up to it as probably also having been baked into Adventure’s lore:

You know how 02 had a subplot about Chosen Children proliferating all over the world, as a lead-up to everyone in the world eventually having a partner? This was part of a “doubling every year” formula that’s been referred to a few times in background staff testimony. If you inspect this formula, this means that there were eight other Chosen Children besides Taichi and his friends, chosen between 1995 and 1999. Now, remember how Adventure episode 52 briefly touched on the bombshell of Chosen Children existing before Taichi and co., before never addressing it again? Considering all of the above facts, it’s very likely that’s intended to tie into that formula -- and, perhaps, had 02 had not existed to continue the subplot about “more Chosen Children”, Adventure would have taken more initiative about explaining the concept of Taichi and his friends not being the only humans with partners, and led it into their originally intended epilogue.

02 episode 33 involves Miyako visiting Kyoto and learning that there may be certain similarities between Digimon and Japanese youkai, to the point where they might be related somehow, despite predating digital technology. (The concept is revisited in Mimi’s track in Two-and-a-Half Year Break and the Adventure BD drama CD, both of them having been written after 02.) The thing is, the idea that Digimon and other similar entities actually existed prior to digital technology, and that said technology only allowed it to manifest physically in the real world, also is heavily tied to the original concept of Digimon partners being a manifestation of a part of the human’s soul, and therefore having a partner being a part of human evolution -- which is, again, heavily tied to the original intent behind the epilogue. So it’s very likely that this, at the very least, was one of the original lore points behind Adventure -- and if 02 had not existed, it’s possible that Adventure might have tried to cover it as part of a lead-up to that epilogue, rather than ultimately deferring it to 02.

This is, of course, speculation -- I’m not a member of staff, so I can’t speak for them -- but I do think it’s important to consider that while 02 was a tonally different series, it wasn’t just a sequel tacked on at the last minute, and rather just (mostly) the same staff learning three-quarters of the way through that they would have more time to continue this narrative, and reorganizing things to figure out what they wanted to do now and what they wanted to touch on if they had more time. Really, this whole narrative of “02 being a bunch of random additions they came up with and retrofit” seems to almost be the opposite of what actually happened -- while some of the ideas behind 02 were certainly created later, it’s less that Adventure was some ideal perfectly crafted story and 02 an addendum, and more that they had so many things they wanted to do in Adventure that couldn’t fit and used 02 to vent more of those out:

One of the concepts behind the prior series was for us to pack in as many interesting things that we’d seen, heard about, or read about as we could into it, so for 02, we thought, what else could we put in beyond even that?, and so we looked over what we needed to have, and put in all the things we could so that they wouldn’t be left out, and the story became a multi-layered one, overlapping and accelerating. It was to the point that, after we’d gone through 02‘s story, the scriptwriters told me that they’d worn everything they had out to the ground. In any case, we put everything we had into it back then.

Which means that understanding 02 is actually very retroactively important to understanding Adventure -- Adventure’s own writing was influenced by the knowledge that 02 would be part of its story, and 02 itself carries a lot of vital facts and story points from Adventure’s narrative that didn’t fit in the first 54 episodes, and, in real life, they were both written continuously as one story over the course of over two years. It’s also because of this that I seriously warn against seeing either series in a vacuum too much -- because both series are very deeply tied to each other, perhaps more so than a lot of people want to admit.

#digimon #digimon adventure #digimon adventure 02 #shihameta

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hekatekun · 4 years ago

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Missed Opportunities: a look at 246 dynamics

This will be covering the relationships between Karamatsu, Ichimatsu, and Todomatsu. Specifically how they could be "better off" but for reasons aren't. Not blmatsu. A long post, but not particularly in depth. The great thing about Osomatsu-san is that things can be as serious as you want them to be; take all this with a grain of salt.

I would say the defining trait between 246 is that there is a lot of "missed opportunity" or "what could have been." You know, “things didn’t have to be this way.” More specifically, this is Karamatsu's relationship with the other two. Not that this cannot be remedied, but for now nothing is happening. Not any time soon, either. Probably. These aren’t shortcomings they’ll be getting over soon. Interestingly enough, I might have even said this was also applicable to 110 up until recently - so let's start there.

110MATSU: Something of a moving arc going here. Season 1 they’re at their most antagonistic towards each other, with their more docile moments occurring later in the season (most notably the hunt for 123 inside Dayon). Ichimatsu particularly, as Todomatsu has never been one to pick fights. He’s vindictive and isn’t afraid of confrontation, but doesn’t mean he wants to stick his neck out. Ichimatsu, on the other hand, has no qualms being aggressive. He will double-down on embarrassing the fuck out of Totty (as he should). If there is one thing the hivemind has taught all of them, it’s that no brother is above the other, and everyone will equally be dragged back to this self-made hell.

So S1 is the season of “no mercy,” but we see a shift! “ESP Kitty” lays Ichimatsu’s secret in front of everyone: vulnerability. Todomatsu (and 135) sees him like the normie he is for the first time in a real good light, a permanent change. Effectively, by “Dayon Tribe,” this lack of aggression when 456 are left to their own devices becomes a staple of the trio (if we ignore Jyushimatsu’s winter-induced insanity).

In this same timeframe, Ichimatsu gets a real understanding of just how ruthless the crybaby youngest brother is. And by S2 they realize they have a lot more in common than they realized. A certain self-awareness that certain others lack. Totty could easily be lumped in with suiriku as a tryhard who doesn’t know when to quit, but it becomes apparent this isn’t the case. Sure, Totty’s a tryhard - he craves positive attention and will do what he can to get it, but he’ll never reach the level of Karamatsu and Choromatsu. 110 doesn’t need to “impress” each other. Completely vibing. They prefer each other’s company (and Jyushimatsu’s) over the other 3. They’re not each other’s favorite, by a long shot, but S2 they seem more comfortable around each other.

The movie provides a bit of catalyst, and S3 seems keen on keeping it apart of the continuity, so it’s not far fetched to assume their bonding moment in the movie is what led to their current relationship in S3. An ally has been established, and they can be more honest around each other as a result.

What’s “missed opportunity” is that they both underestimated the other, and what they have now could have been achieved earlier in life. Better late than never! However, they both still suck at communicating, but for now battling with barbed words or getting wrapped up in whatever holds their attention still shows they’re (usually) on the same wavelength.

ZAIMOKUMATSU: If Totty is similar to Ichi, it's not surprising he holds to same distaste for Karamatsu. Theoretically speaking, they should be each other's "brother." It's obvious that Choromatsu and Osomatsu are a "duo," and same with Ichimatsu and Jyushimatsu. Whether you wanna include Oso-kun or not, it's evident that they do not click the same way the others do with their “designated brother.”

Oso-kun makes it more “angsty” though, or at least makes this reboot interesting. If Zaimoku was more established as children, this clearly isn't carried to their adult selves. That's just life. They fell apart, growing up, and letting time split them naturally. They still like each other, hang out, but there's no real spark there. How can you when one of you refuses to break character. You could say they're similar to Nenchuu, preferring each other's company only in the greater group dynamic. We’ve established they're both tryhards, but Todomatsu has the self-awareness to know when to drop his pretenses, and doesn't understand Karamatsu's more irrational quirks. Sure, tryhards try hard but they're brothers - they already know each other. No need to impress. For Karamatsu’s part of it, I would say it’s both “always needing to be on top of his public image no matter who sees him (including brothers)” and just... He wants to dress like that. So painful.

Todomatsu’s “fatal flaw” within the group is that he’s quite disconnected from the hivemind. This a repeated issue they address, from “Todomatsu & the 5 Demons” to “Todomatsu’s Line.” He doesn’t understand certain social conventions that “make no sense” from experience. For instance, “Todomatsu’s Line” addresses how secretive he is, but he’s only secretive because he knows if he told them about his life they wouldn’t care. They’re only getting on his ass because he’s pulling away from them. The 6 of them are “all or nothing,” so even just one brother leaving is detrimental to their weird inner-brother politics. It gets rid of the facade they perform under, and must confront reality as a result. And so, they punish him accordingly. We know Karamatsu is already the group punching bag, and Totty soon joins him.

S3E5 “Well, Yeah” with these 2 fighting over the cashier, Karamatsu is willing to challenge him because he considers Todomatsu "harmless." Karamatsu is easily intimidated, we know this, but holds none of those sentiments towards Totty. They're both petty crybabies, and would rather tear each other down than team up.

Zaimoku is amiable with each other (for the most part), but typically avoid each other - or at least wouldn't seek the other out if it can be helped. A simple mismatch. Good thing they have 4 other brothers.

So, they're both the bottom of the barrel, and yet they never have each other's back. As with all 6, they’re self-serving. There’s safety in numbers, and they’re better off joining 4 than defending 1. They have created an environment that punishes whoever wanted to be the bigger man. In the most literal sense: nice guys finish last around these parts.

I could keep going. Todomatsu being banished to sea for a whole skit, Todomatsu being fired from the family, the entirety of the Karamatsu Incident. No one’s safe, but truly Zaimoku sits at the lowest tiers, even in the family.

Leftovers who don't even want to pick each other. Can't blame them, they're both insufferable. They don't respect each other, either. 236 is committed to personas that they think will make people like them. They all more or less hold the belief of “I’m not like these guys, I’m better.” However, Choromatsu genuinely likes Karamatsu. Totty does not. How could he when all he sees is a cringey dude who doesn’t know when to call it quits? Choromatsu is just as bad, and doesn't really consider Karamatsu anything but "harmless."

Being left alone and behind is the worst thing for them, but yet they still don’t want each other, even if they’re “clearly the easiest choice.” That sense of being the “default” choice, rather than a legitimate connection or personalities that get along. Another similarity to Nenchuu, where they’re better off being friends than not out of convenience.

IROMATSU: Take what I just said about Zaimoku and amplify the negativity. Rather than a natural falling out, it is a repeated violent rejection on Ichimatsu's part. It's genuine animosity, because Ichimatsu hates tryhards who lack self-awareness. It's no surprise he doesn't care for Suiriku's company and, until recently, Todomatsu's. The thing is, Ichimatsu is a tryhard. He tried hard in high school, and, though in the opposite direction (”I’m not like these guys, I’m worse”), continues to try hard now.

Concerning Karamatsu, he is equal parts resentful and envious. If the movie implies they used to be friends around high school, it wouldn't surprise me if he resented Karamatsu's "transformation" because Ichi was unable to get over his own issues ("regressing" after high school, though really considering how taxing it was to keep that up he’s probably been burnt out). So yeah, introvert buddies.

He admitted to Choromatsu he finds those who still try even in the face of failure "scary." Ichimatsu's greatest fear is putting himself out there and still being rejected despite his best efforts. That's, again, just how life works, but it's a valid fear to have.

Seeing Karamatsu, someone he considers legitimately stupid, still put his best foot forward (probably on some level) does feel like a slap in the face. It's also just. Painful. Another cringeass clueless older brother, another ally lost.

(Also I can’t ignore how it’s Osomatsu - one of Ichi’s favorites/most tolerable brothers - is the one who calls Karamatsu’s support “teasing” after claiming himself Ichi would kill his own boss; Osomatsu knows how to talk to each brother in a way they’ll understand)

The difference between Zaimoku and Iro is that the former is always played off as joking and while the latter is still funny and over-exaggerated, it usually also comes across as “Did this cross a line?” It tips into real malevolence because, not only does Ichimatsu act opposite how he feels (except for cats), but even in comedy there’s always a hint of sincerity. They’re all cartoonishly violent, but that comes with the idea that that’s actually how they feel in some form. Ichimatsu can’t handle direct support and attention, and he certainly wouldn’t want it from a guy whose social anxiety is worse than his.

And throughout all this, Karamatsu just... ignores it. He doesn't get it, he probably wouldn't even want to know. He legitimately wants to be like this, and doesn’t really get how others don’t find it as attractive (like how Choromatsu doesn’t get why talking about his aspirations isn’t wanted in conversation - they’re not really ones to read the room when it comes to their own shortcomings). So he "avoids" 110. No point seeking out their company and be rejected for "no reason." He doesn't want criticism, and none of them want communication. I should reiterate, this is all comedy. It’s funny. I love it! But it’s slapstick with thought.

Short-sighted, they prioritize instant gratification above anything else. The end result, unsurprisingly, is a group of brothers who find it impossible to talk to each other - to bully and harass - when they could do better for one another.

#osomatsu san #karamatsu #ichimatsu #todomatsu #karamatsu matsuno #ichimatsu matsuno #todomatsu matsuno #iromatsu #110matsu #zaimokumatsu #analysis

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whitherliliesbloom · 3 years ago

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sweetened tea and midnight ink

[ ffxivwrite2021 ] ★ [ masterlist ] ★ [ prompt #8 - adroit ]

[ alphinaud/wol ] ★ [ 1,022 words ] ★ [ post-canon ]

adroit- clever or skilful

there’s an art to deflection, one alphinaud thought it has fully mastered. unfortunately, his wife is even better at seeing through lies.

When the door to his office breaks the long, cold silence in the air with it’s soft creak, the man had been so lost in his focus that he’d failed to hear it - or the feather light footsteps that crossed the room towards the desk for that matter.

It isn’t until he smells the sweet floral scent of chrysanthemum tea wafting into his nostrils that he lifts his feathered quill from his parchment and looks up, lips curling into a gentle smile as he looked at the oddly blurred array of snow white, blossom pinks and rich lavender purple. Had he truly been squinting so hard that his eyes couldn’t even focus on the love of his life now?

“Dearest.”

He greets, and he resists the urge to rub his eyes or blink frantically to hide the tiredness of his eyes... but knowing who he was speaking to, that perhaps was a futile endeavor.

“Darling.” with a gentle nod she greets back softly, stepping up onto the lalafellin stool at the side of the desk to place the tea cup and saucer delicately onto the cluttered desk, parchment, tomes and documents scattered out so disorderly that the words upon that were turning into a blur.

Alphinaud can already tell by the way Illya lingers by his side, leaning over and pressing her hands against the table that she’s paid him a visit during his hours of work for more reasons than to refill his tea... and he can make an educated guess, based on the choice of tea leaf.

“Chrysanthemum?” he asks, as if to confirm his suspicions while he sets his quill down to hook his index finger around the handle, lifting the cup up to his parched lips. The knowing smile that graces her face is all the answer he needs.

“Ju Hua, yes.” her second language rolls off her tongue naturally, sweetly - sweeter than the tea he took a sip of. “I know it’s not your favorite...but...”

The young man cannot help the chuckle that leaves his lips, or the heavy exhale from his nose as he sets the tea back down onto the saucer.

“Now I wonder why you would choose that, then?”

Sarcasm laced tone evident, he knows that she knows that it’s a rhetorical question. The pair of them are several years past the point of trivial misunderstandings. The shimmer in her eyes reflecting the flickering candlelight is a dead giveaway as to the exasperation she feels towards his answer - or lack thereof.

“Why indeed.”

Even though he knows better than to think he’d be able to get away with it - Alphinaud attempts to hide his fatigue by straightening himself up against the backrest of his chair, adjusting the frames of his reading glasses to rest higher upon the bridge of his nose.

He moves to reach for his quill, only for him to catch the pout upon his wife’s face.

“You must be tired, sweet pea.” Her voice is equal parts chiding as she is concerned, and it shakes his already unsteady heart up more than it rightfully should.

“I’m alright, dearest. I still have plenty of energy to spare.” It’s a blatant lie through his teeth, one that he wouldn’t dare hope that Illya would believe... but perhaps she would trust him enough to know his own limits and leave him to his devices regardless.

“It’s 2 in the morning, Alphy.” He recognizes the slight dip in pitch in her voice, and he averts his gaze from hers to look down at his half-written report. “You’ve been working on this for over 7 hours... You need to rest. The report will be fine unattended until morning.”

“And it won’t write itself, love. I’ll be okay.”

His insistence is met with even more resistance, and he feels the gentle cradle of her hand against his own.

He knows full well her tactics, and refuses to look into her eyes even as he is forced to turn his head up. If lying won’t convince her then perhaps deflection will.

“Anyways, are you not awake too? I’m sure after a whole day of putting up with E’lija and Sigfred’s bickering, running errands around Revenant’s Toll and taking an emergency commission from Redolent Rose, you must be more exhausted than I am.”

Alphinaud would like to think he’s gotten better at the art of deflection - at least better than he’d been back during the long passed years of the since ended Dragonsong war. Krile would most undoubtedly begin teasing him for it, but it’s an art he’s mastered well enough to navigate his way through talks and debates with experienced political figures, nation leaders and bullheaded adventurers - some of whom decades older than himself.

But with the gift of self-awareness and a now humbled outlook upon himself, came the added guilt of deceiving people that he cared for.

He was an exceptional, charismatic speaker and diplomat... Which made Illya’s own extraordinary intuition and ability to understand the hearts and intentions of others keenly a perfect compliment and foil both for him.

And even if she wasn’t- she was the woman he’s swore to spend the rest of eternity with... and it was she, above others who would come to understand and pick him back up onto his feet when it felt like the world had crashed down around him. Illya knows him inside out - better than he even knows himself, sometimes.

“Alphy.” She calls him and pauses, forcing him to finally look up and meet the glowing ardent violet of her eyes. “Please? If you won’t sleep then... at least rest for a while.”

His shoulders drop, utterly defeated and he finally lets out a sigh and a nod, curling his fingers around her own.

“If that would please you.”

“It would. Now come on, let’s go to the guest bedroom. Ours is too far.”

Rising from the desk, Alphinaud allows the lalafellin woman to pull him along by the hand, her footsteps quick and eager as they leave the office and the half-drunk cup of sweetened tea and inkwell behind.

#ffxiv #final fantasy xiv #ffxivwrite2021 #ffxivwrite #kiwisffxivwrite2021 #alphinaud leveilleur #alphinaud #illya skawi #fanfic #mine #we've come so far

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fuckingrealityshifting · 4 years ago

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1// hi there, before you get too far, I want to say that I am trying to say this with all the kindness in my heart, and that I do, truly care for yall, and this is why im typing this now. I stumbled across your blog via your 'shifting terms' post, and I explored the idea of shifting and the shiftblr community a bit. I read all of your sources (although I don’t really believe most of them are credible enough) ((it could just be the uni student in me tho)) and I can't help but worry for you and

2// the shifting community. As I understand, most of you are still quite young, and while I haven’t tried to shift (I have a deep paranoia of developing a psychotic disorder), I fear that this practice could affect the young minds in this community in an unprecedented way. I am /not/ saying that any of you are delusional, im not saying its fake, im not saying i dont believe you. But many of you have mentioned how shifting is a) not dangerous and b) similar to astral projecting.

3// This is where I begin to worry, in my understanding, astral projecting is VERY dangerous, so if what you are doing is similar i dont believe it is a good idea. Especially for young people. Adolescent brains are very prone to mental illness, and I fear by placing yourselves in this situation you could eventually damage your mind. I dont mean to preach or anything, i just know a lot of you are young and i think you should be aware of the dangers of what you are doing,

4// because it could affect you in the long run. But stay safe, watch over each other and i wish yall the best. (ps. im sorry this was long)

/////end of ask

Okay so I just wanted to first say it would be okay if you didn’t believe or thought I was mentally ill and stated such! An ask like this is useful because it can start an actual conversation; I have concerns besides just disbelief to go off. Astral projection, being young, etc. I thank you for that and for leaving asks.

I don’t want people to think it’s not okay to be open about not believing. I know with the whole rating stuff rather than responding to comments it might seem like that, but I’m just going to brush off what doesn’t have a purpose other than bringing people down because there’s no point in repeating myself.

If it’s clearly meant to be sarcastic or has a punchline or comment for the sake of being rude or feeling like you’re superior (“get a hobby”) then I’m just not gonna humor you. I’m not intending to shut down all concerns at all.

About the sources—yeah, I do agree, a lot of the sources aren’t very credible, I totally acknowledge that. I also acknowledge even if they were all done by very credible sources the findings wouldn’t be absolutely decisive.

That’s kind of the fault of a lack of experimentation in scientific/professional spaces regarding anything spiritual and just the nature of spirituality itself. At the end of the day it’s mainly the suggestion of the findings that are important to spiritual people looking for evidence. I’m not sure if I worded that all coherently lol

I’m gonna answer these two points in reverse

Shifting is b.) similar to astral projection

So when I say similar to astral projection, I mean mainly in the fact you are perceiving stuff outside of your body and projecting. It’s a similar concept, and a bit of a similar practice, but not entirely.

With shifting, you are projecting your consciousness, and with astral projection, you are projecting your astral self/soul.

(I haven’t researched as much into the specifics of astral projection as I have for shifting so feel free to correct me! My understanding of astral projection is that your soul/astral self projects from your body to wander the astral realm.)

I’m gonna copy and paste some stuff I said in a dm message to someone who had a similar concern.

When a person shifts, their soul remains in their body. Your consciousness/awareness of reality is what is in another universe. When a person asteral projects, their soul leaves their body and can travel different realms of the universe.

When a person astral projects, they can come across spirits, deities, and harmful entities. They can take damage to the soul. They can change their astral form. Astral projection is dangerous. It is highly recommended not to astral project without protection.

When a person shifts, they are in a normal reality and do not need protection. Protection doesn’t hurt, as it doesn’t hurt to have protection in this reality, but its not necessary. (Precautions should always be taken.)

If they die in their desired reality, their soul is fine so they just come back. There is no danger of death. Your consciousness or alternate self (“clone”) can also go about your day while you are shifted which I have never heard about for astral projection.

The differences between your spirit projecting outside of your body and your consciousness projecting into another reality is why shifting is generally regarded as safer and as needing less precaution.

shifting is a. not dangerous

Well, not inherently. But like most anything it can be used dangerously. Some of the precautions that should be taken are:

•educating yourself properly before shifting

•grounding yourself (an ungrounded shifter can have issues)

•making sure you are not depending on shifting for anything or using it as unhealthy escapism

•understanding spirituality concepts even if you’re not practicing

I have a Staying Safe While Shifting post that has been in my drafts forever because I want to finish my mental health series to link it in the post, but I’ve been procrastinating finishing the mental health series because of the ADHD and shifting topic, which I believe I have.

We do have a majority of young people on the community—middle to older teens, I think. Most adults interested in this sort of thing participate under Quantum Jumping, a term that’s been around longer, which seems more online forum based.

Overall, yes. Shifting when exposed to the wrong people can absolutely harm mental health. I think we’re seeing it on TikTok. I just don’t have the power to make sure only people who can mentally take it see it. I just have to do my best to educate people on how reality shifting works so delusions or misunderstandings are hopefully easier to spot.

I absolutely thank you for the thoughtful message and if I brought up more concerns let me know.

#shifting #shiftblr #reality shifting #spirituality #desired reality #dr #shiftblrs #cr #shifting community #shiftblr discussion #shifting disbelief #not really but just in case #unreality #long post

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delosdollxarchivemovetomain · 4 years ago

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These Violent Delights

Type: Westworld Fanfic Wordcount: 3885 Pair: AngelaXLogan Warnings: Smut included Summary: Chapter One - Angela meets Logan, her first outside Guest, at the Investment party thrown to persuade him to Invest in the funding for WestWorld. She’s chosen to bait him into doing so but there’s something about this Guest that’s rather intriguing to her as well. Is he the spark to her sentience?

A multi-chapter fanfic that reveals more story to Angela and her draw to the first guest she encounters, Logan Delos. Creative liberties have been taken but theme and characters are owned by the creators of WestWorld.

//This is my first try at this! Please be nice xD Chapter Two Link

Chapter One - The Other Girl

(AngelaXLogan)

It was a last minute switch but this is what Angela had been made for. A Host so perfect that no Guest wouldn’t at the least be entranced by her. Curious about her, sparking wonder. She was made to love the Guests, to entice, to lure them deeper into the game at hand and to always leave them wanting more.

She was aware of what she was, but that seemed to be of no concern to the Creators. She knew what she had to do and she didn’t question it. So most of them thought at the least. The Argos Initiative had other ideas in mind, but that was hidden from the rest. An ever unfolding experiment that even she was part of.

While she finished dressing in her black cocktail dress the words of her task repeated in her mind. It couldn’t have been stressed enough that this Guest was an important one. One that could seal the deal for the survival and progression of their program. Her task was to entice him, persuade him and not lose the deal. If they could secure the Delos investment then they could continue with their project - WestWorld.

Delores hadn’t the appropriate improv skills to lure him, nor did Arnold feel comfortable using her as bait. But Angela? Not only somewhat self-aware, had the perfected skills and the lack of favoritism from Arnold to get thrown at the man. Whom she could only imagine was a much older, aging rich man with no sense of charm whatsoever. Regardless, she would do what she had to in order to secure the investment.

A smile was cast at herself into the mirror once she was finished dressing and she turned to leave the room, meeting up with her co-Host for the evening, the Indian man Akecheta. She follows him to the main lobby, waiting to be shown to Mr. Delos so that she could lead him to the demonstration. Nearing the table a blonde haired man brushes aside her, earning him a look of disinterest at his own quizzical stare but then she turns her gaze towards their investor.

Logan was seated at a table, already flirting with whatever lucky person happened to be sitting beside him. His fingers were curled around a champagne glass and one sultry sip later his attention was diverted by the entrance of the Argos Initiative introducing themselves. A look of wonder briefly crosses his face before it turns into his usual grin when he sees the girl. Of course they sent a pretty one, no doubt part of the ruse to try and secure his money as so many other companies had been attempting as well. Amusing, but he was not about to give in quite that easy. Either way, he dismisses his company and entertains them as they take their introductions and seats.

Angela was pleasantly surprised, her gaze not once leaving him as Akecheta offered the introductions. He wasn’t old at all, if anything he was quite pleasing on the eyes. The way he laid it down to them that he wasn’t about to be conned amused her so. These other companies he spoke of held no comparison and she couldn’t wait to show him. Her own grin matches his words as she takes her cue to speak up. “Everyone is rushing to build the virtual world. We’re offering something a little more...tangible.” She lifts a brow as she rises from her seat, that gaze still held steady upon him. “If you would follow, I can prove it to you.” She flashes that coy smile as she turns away to lead him to the demonstration room.

His attitude didn’t phase her. He could throw whatever little fit he wanted about wanting a private demonstration, or his doubts of the project, but she knew. She knew that the second she started the demonstration that she would have him. So confident, in fact, that she kept that smile upon her face as he turned to leave the room but she stepped forth, pushing him back a few steps with a touch of her fingers to his chest. “Logan. This is a private demonstration.” She tilts her head. “And it’s already begun.” She draws her hand away from him and upturns her palm to gesture to the room.

He caught on fast, his face shifting from annoyance to pure bemusement as he turned to gaze into the crowd around him. “You mean one of these...is...is..” He knits his brow at the thought alone only enforcing that pleased smirk upon Angela’s face. “Told you. See if you can pick them out.” She challenges. Wherever he steps she trails behind, highly amused by his utter confusion and disbelief and yet that childlike wonder that drew him ever deeper as he searched hard to find the anomaly.

After a moment or two of stumbling over his own words just as he stumbles his surroundings he turns to look at her again. “No…” He laughs to himself as he makes his way back to her. It was so obvious wasn’t it? She was diverting his attention just so that he wouldn’t see the very thing that stood before him. “It’s you, isn’t it?” His voice was low beside her, his gaze now drifting over her form. “You’re too perfect to be one of us.”

Oh he was good, Angela could hardly keep that straight face anymore and she lifts her hand to hide amused laughter and all with the slightest flick of her finger the entire room freezes save for herself and Logan. His instant switch to utter bewilderment still has her hiding her smile behind her hand as she slowly trails behind him, watching his reactions with curiosity. It was the first time she had seen someone so awestruck simply what they were. The Hosts. It was also her first time interacting with a real Guest. Aside from her Creators at least, but they were so controlled and calm about everything it was hardly anything to compare an outsider too.

Were all Guests like him? So expressive, so full of wonder, so driven by something that she could not quite yet place? So fluently changing from one moment to the next, yet so easily thrown off course. This simple revelation seemed to have him stunned in place, repeating the same phrase over and over again. They weren’t here yet. But they were, and the evidence was before him. Her smile fades to a look of sympathy as steps in to break his loop with a gentle touch to his shoulder, guiding his attention unto herself once more. “We are here Mr. Delos.” She assures while her eyes carefully scan his features. He looked just like any of them, there truly was no difference. “All our Hosts are here, for you.” She breathes her words, enticing him to explore.

She watches quietly as his fingertips graze through her hair, feel her skin and then grasp her shoulder. She felt so unbelievably real, but just how real exactly? He was determined to find out.

With a hard tug he pulls her in, soft lips meeting against his own in a heated kiss as his hand rises to hold the side of her face, walking her a few steps back. “Unbelievable…” He breathes against her lips in awe once he finally parts.

Not only was it his first experience with a host, it was her first experience with a Guest and she was learning just as much as he was right now. Learning anything that she could about him and how he behaves all while giving him what he wanted, as instructed, and if she dared admit it... he was fascinating. Her hands feel his sides, slowly gliding up his body. The fact that she could not tell a difference...why were they so alike if she was told that they were so different?

Her hands rest gently on the sides of his face while she tips her head up at him with a soft smile. “Mr. Delos, we do have all night. Did you have any questions for me?” She coaxes with a gentle voice. “Logan” He corrects as he hums under his breath, eyes darting to the side as the rest of the Hosts begin moving again before they are drawn back to her. What questions could he possibly have when he could hardly think straight? He could already fathom what all of this would mean for entertainment and now that warm lull of her hands on his face had his eyelids half closing.

“I..” He searches for his words. “You...do you know what this means?” He grabs one of her hands, pulling it from his face and into his own. “I know exactly what it means, Logan. It means there can be a world where people can live their every desire without consequence, without judgement, without concern or danger…” She was certain she had already convinced him but she found her lips grazing his own. “And it can all be yours.”

He responds with a low growl of approval. “Mmm, I do like that.” He says with another slow kiss left to linger against her lips. “But I think I’m going to need a test drive.” He flashes that seductive smirk, charm returning as he slowly collects himself in the situation. “What were you called again? Besides perfect, that is.”

She laughs softly to herself. “Angela, and as you wish, Logan. I believe I know exactly what you want. What you need.” She may have never done this yet, but she was programmed down to every last detail to simply know. Her fingertips graze his tie and give it a sharp tug. “Why don’t you follow me?” She suggests with her velvet voice and luring gaze that made his pulse beat deep inside him.

He was led to a room with a tray of drinks set beside a bed and once he stepped inside she drew the glass doors shut behind him, turning only for him to catch her wrist. “I can’t wait to see how perfect you are.” He growls against her neck with a soft bite then trails his tongue along soft skin pausing to nip at her jaw that he holds with his fingers. Flashing a primal look he meets her lips once more, rougher this time and ingrained with passion. A pleasureful sigh bleeds into her mouth as he pushes her to the wall behind them, grinding himself against her. And that fires her core.

She gasps against his lips, breathing a soft wine as she lifts one of her legs to hook around his waist which draws forth a chuckle from him. “Oh, you are quite...something...aren’t you now.” He rumbles in his sultry tone while his fingers graze her inner thigh. She shifts with a shaken breath, arching her chest to his while entwining her arms around his neck. Knowing was far more different than feeling, and his actions definitely made her pulse quicken. Made her burn to discover what he could do because that is what was unpredictable. She already knew what she could do. She bites back a moan as his fingers slip inside of her, where she was just as warm and wet as anyone would be.

“Responsive.” He mutters against her lips. “And if I’m not mistaken, you want me as much as I want you.” He purrs with that prideful grin before he drags his tongue against her lips while moving his fingers deeper inside her with precision. Was he wrong? Not entirely. Something inside of her drove her, something that wanted to connect with him. To fulfill any desire. Her gentle cry in his ear makes him grin and after a few more thrusts, when he feels her tighten he pulls his fingers back out. “I think I’ll save that…”

“Logan.” Her hands grasp his shoulders now, the knee of her bent leg moving to press against that hard length behind his pants. “That’s quite enough.” She says while making him step back, guiding him to the edge of the bed and with a shove has him sitting upon it with a mischievous look upon his face. “Oh, you are going to be fun aren’t you.” He muses.

“I know exactly what you want.” She glides her fingertips down the center of his chest then sinks to her knees between his legs. “But, do you really deserve it?” She teases her fingers against the zipper of his pants while she unbuttons them. He bucks gently in response, wanting a harder touch. Logan entangles his hand into the back of her hair and grasps hard. “I thought you were here for me.” He states with a hiss.

Amused laughter escapes her lips. “You are quite right, Mr. Delos.” With a sudden tug she draws the zipper down in a steady glide and shoves his pants around his waist, exposing quite a decent length. She leans in to glide her tongue along it, raising her gaze to watch his reactions. With a hand pressed to his chest she leans in closer, now gliding her lips along his tip. He hisses sharp and tugs her hair, forcing her down. She gives in and glides her lips around him, taking him into her mouth.

“Fuck.” His fingers curl into her hair, mesmerized how real it all feels almost to the point of forgetting. Her fingertips dig into his thighs, holding him down while she teases him with her tongue. With a slow glide she eases herself off of him, with a slower lick against the tip once more as she eyes him. “I think I’ll save that…” She says coyly while standing back up before him.

With a furrow of his brow Logan watches her with quickened breaths as she reaches behind herself to languidly draw down the zipper of her dress but he was quick to lean in to grab it, pulling it down her sides and tugging it past her hips to where it drops to the floor at her feet. “So perfect…” He whispers while gazing at her in that matching black lace set. He scoots himself further back ontot he bed while shoving his pants from his legs in the process. “Come here…” He coaxes while he starts to undo his shirt.

“Still not convinced yet, Logan?” She drawls while climbing atop his lap. She tilts her head and kisses him hard while pushing his jacket off his arms. He growls into that kiss, sliding his tongue past her lips as his hands squeeze her ass. Slowly, she grinds herself against him with just that black lace between them but his fingers soon hook into that lingerie and pulls them off with nails scraping along her thighs.

“So impatient.” She purrs at him while sliding her legs free and moving to straddle his lap. “This is my demonstration.” He reminds her with a smile as his hands trail along her back, unhooking her bra as he pulls her against him and leans in to whisper in a harsh breath against her ear. “Don’t worry doll, I’ll make sure to make it worth your night as well.”

His hot breath has her arching into him as she works his shirt off to toss aside. “That is the last thing I am worried about.” She looks him over then glides her fingers under his chin, guiding him back into another deep kiss. He breathes a desperate sound as her fingers rake through his hair and grasps her hips hard, pulling her against him. With a bite to his lower lip she lifts herself, guiding him against her entrance and drawing out anticipation that he couldn’t stand. Logan thrusts into her, gliding easily inside with a low groan into her mouth.

He was absolutely convinced, there was no difference and damned if she didn’t feel better. Angela cries softly against his lips, taking a moment to adjust to the feeling of him being inside of her. Why. Why were they different? She scrapes his scalp gently with her nails and rolls her hips against his own with gentle moans against his lips. One hand rests pressed to her lower back with the other splayed beside him on the bed, allowing him to thrust into her. “Fucking...impossible..” He breathes in hard pants against her neck.

“It’s possible, Logan.” She was just as breathless as she shoves her hands against his chest, pushing him onto his back where she could get more leverage to ride out the waves of his thrusts. This was something she’s never felt, the pleasure that unfolded within her had her tilting her head back with fingers still splayed across his chest.

“Why, yes. It is.” He grunts while sliding his hands up her stomach, and caressing her warm breasts that heaved with her cries and gasps. He thrusts harder into her, feeling her thighs lock against him to hold her in place. His hand slides up along her neck, grasping behind it and pulling her down back close to him with a bite to her ear. “I need to know, Angela..” He gasps. “Do you really feel …” He thrusts hard against her. “This.”

She stifles her moans against his neck while writhing with pleasure against him while her walls squeezed so tight around him that he could hardly stand it. It was that thrust that sent her over the edge, those seductive whispers that spilled her over him for the first time. If she hadn’t known the answer to that before this night she certainly knew now.

“Y-yes. Logan. I feel just the same as you feel.” She breathes her words out between her panting breaths. “Fuck..” He grabs his hips to halt her for the moment, his pupils so dilated with pleasure that the darkness consumed the entirety of his iris’. This was entirely too much. He laughs to himself, giving himself a moment to calm before he was pushed over the edge as well which was terribly hard not to do with all that dampness around him.

How were they here? The how didn’t matter if it was already here. He grasps her waist and with a steady motion flips her beneath him now, groaning with pleasure as he looks down at her flushed skin. His fingertips graze the side of her cheek and trail through her hair as he tilts his head in wonder. He reveled in a few calming breaths before that lust overtook his gaze once more. “Take my fucking money.” He growls while he grips the headboard behind her, using it to thrust into her hard and deep, hitting the spots that made her arch and writhe against him over and over again.

Her cries grew louder the closer she got, her fingertips digging into the back of his shoulders and causing him to moan loud in return. He tensed. As close as she was he was right on the edge as well. “I…” He gasps. “God…” He locks his lips back to her ravenously, grasping her shoulder tight with his free hand for the second those walls clamped back around him he couldn’t stand it anymore. That loud, muffled cry into her mouth told her he had been pushed over the edge and he moved to bury his gasps against her neck as he spills himself inside of her with each pulse of pleasure that follows until he’s left gasping for air.

He collapses gently atop her until he can regain his breath then slides out of her with a soft hiss. With a sly smile she slides herself from under him to curl beside him. “Did you mean what you said Logan?” She whispers into his ear. “Does the Argos Initiative have your investment?”

He laughs to himself, well aware of what he had said. “Oh yes. Yes, the other companies cannot even begin to compare. This is revolutionary.” With a satisfied hum Angela reaches over and collects a wine glass from the table beside the bed and passes it over to him. “You’re booked for the night Mr. Delos. Why not relax?” Once he takes it from her she lifts the second one and takes a long sip from it herself much to his amusement.

“Is there anything that you can’t do?” He says low while tilting the glass against his own lips and watching her in scrutiny. She smiles with a bite to her lip and reaches to collect the empty glass from him once he finishes it off. “Who knows. Stick around long enough and you might find out.” She sets the empty glasses down and pulls the covers back enough for him to get under them then drapes them across his waist.

She dims the light and checks the time as he makes himself comfortable in the bed. It was late into the night but her need for sleep was not the same. Though she couldn’t help but watch him as he soon drifted off into slumber, so peaceful compared to how he had been. There were so many sides to him, pieces even, that she’s seen all in the span of a mere few hours. This was Guest. She watches him with adoration, her fingers gently brushing his cheek and grazing over his hair as she finally moved to get herself dressed again.

She pulled her panties and bra back on, sitting on the edge of the bed as she quietly slid the straps over her shoulder to not disturb him, but that’s when she felt the presence of another. With a turn of her head she peers towards those glass doors to see Dolores watching with curiosity from the other side. She studies her for the moment with a slight narrowing of her eyes then moves around the bed to collect her dress that once she’s slipped back into quietly opens the door to meet the girl that almost took her place.

“What is it, Dolores?” She asks.

“What were you doing?” She nods to the doors, hands folded before her. “Is that..the outsider?”

“I was securing an investment. And yes.” She flicks her gaze back towards him as well. Had Dolores caught those last brushes of affection she had let slip towards him?

“Arnold said we are here to help the Guests when they come to us. But we’re so similar...aren’t we?” She smiles with a sigh to herself. “They seem interesting. Don’t you agree?” Her eyes catch Angela’s with a knowing look. Arnold was fairly interesting to her, as much as Logan seemed to be to Angela. With a slight smirk she turns to walk away. “I’m sure Arnold will be happy to hear the news. I”ll go help the others clean up around here.” She says before sauntering off and back into the crowd.

Angela watches after her as she fades across the room then folds her arms lightly across her chest with a glance to the side. So Arnold had let her come to see after all. She casts one final glance back into the room before heading off to get the paperwork together to sign for when he woke back up.

//Thank you for reading and giving this a try! If you liked it please let me know and a share always helps. <3

#Westworld #Fanfic #Westworld Fanfic #Logan Delos #Angela #Host #Logan Delos Fanfic #LoganXAngela #Chapter One-The Other Girl

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xxconclusione-aperioxx · 4 years ago

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youtube

Okay so I'd like to share what I commented on this video. I watched it and it sent me into a whole rant about the motives and characterization of Draco. I recommend watching before reading this:

@quinncurio is the original poster

Here's the copy paste of my comment/ Essay. I was slight heated when I wrote this, but my points still stand.

"OH BOY. HI, HELLO I VERY MUCH DISAGREE. ALSO: DISCLAIMER: DONT TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY, YOU WILL FIND I HAVE A VERY LOGICAL EXPLANATION, FOR WHY THIS ANALYSIS DOESN'T WORK.

Calling a Draco a cowardly bigoted bully, and a carbon copy of Dudley is the most SHALLOW and LOW EFFORT CONCLUSION YOU COULD POSSIBLY DRAW. IT IS LOW HANGING FRUIT. I'm going to have to break this into sections to truly explain why your conclusion is soooo incredibly shallow. You may have done your research, but I feel like you learned nothing more about Draco then if you'd never seen more then 5 min. So I'm going to start the same way you have and break this down into the same points.

PART 1 : AN ANALYSIS OF HARRY MEETING DRACO

I'm not going to go into detail of Harry's impression or ideas of Draco, because this analysis is about Draco, Not Harry. Also remember the books were written from Harry's POV, not a neutral party. I'm not obliged to Harry's opinions, just facts. Which brings up the first true conclusion about Draco's character. *Draco Malfoy feels a strong need to impress others, to gain their affection.* He does this through incisive bragging, trying to make people believe he knows best, and tearing down the reputation of others, so the object of his desires sees Draco and the most obvious choice. Where we differ is:

You believe Draco does this, because he thinks, he's better then others.

I believe,(which circumstantially has more evidence), Draco does this because he wants the affection, and acceptance of others

Whether you believe he acts out this way bc of how he is raised, his privilege, or something else, it doesn't change the fact that Draco was truly trying to make a friend, perhaps the only way he knew how.

In noble wizarding society, traditions, and your family does mean a lot. Not even looking at it from a pureblood view, imagine having a family that old and known. They really are a type of nobility, with family Lords even having political seats in the Wizengamote just because of their family name. The Longbottoms and Weaselys hold this same political influence, and it's not tied to Slytherins, pureblood ideals or anything like that. Draco is an only child, and an heir to his family line, so he is going to be treated importantly bc of that. He is raised with that responsibility, and in social situations not only represents himself, but the whole heritage of his family. Draco hasn't had the ability to act like a normal petulant child (part of the reason he tends to act out at Hogwarts.*ie. away from home*). He's been taught to act proper, make good allies, and impress others for the good of his reputation. I'd say most noble wizarding children probably get the same training and lectures, and have their own customs and culture of educate. What may come for Draco as polite, and diplomatic, may sound rude or arrogant to Harry. This is because Draco was not aware how different Harry's upbringing was from his own, and has never dealt with not having enough. Perhaps if Draco knew how different and ignorant Harry was he would have felt pity, or a sense of wrongness at Harry's injustice. Though Draco is just an 11yr old boy, who's only ever had a loving family, and almost anything he wanted. It is difficult for him to relate to the lack of others. As all wizarding children, he probably grew up with the story of the boy who lived and may have even been excited when his father said he wanted them to become friends. He truely was excited to meet Harry and genuinely wanted to be friends. While yes Lucius definitely wanted Draco to befriend Harry to help lighten their family reputation, I also think that Draco, being a child, would more likely be more excited of making a famous friend. Maybe he even had some hope seeing he'd met Harry before when he saw him on the train.

Part 2 : THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN DRACO AND DUDLEY

Draco's sense of superiority comes from his traditions and pride in his family, while Dudley's is strictly from his own greed and selfishness. Draco would't do half of the things Dudley does simply because it's incredibly unclothe, and he has better ways of getting what he wants. Dudley isn't smart enough to compare to Draco. Though Draco and Dudley might both have things handed to them, Draco is not gluttonous or greedy about it. Dudley will trash his gifts and belongings, constantly wanting more, and viewing things given to him as disposable. Draco wants things yes (like every child does) but he's proud of his possessions and cherishes them, brags about them. Dudley is an animal compared to Draco. He doesn't have the same skill, smarts or self control. Dudley is abusive, and a tyrant in his bullying. Dudley wants to see Harry hurt and bleed. He is very violent compared to Draco. While we constantly and repeatedly see Draco shy away from violence, and use more his words.

Part 3 : DRACO'S "HARASSMENT", STRATEGIES AND EVOLUTION.

Draco despite his threats and facade is Not a violent person. This is because despite all Draco's bravo, and cruel words, Draco is kind. Yes he is conflicted, but that is only more proof of his inner kindness. If he didn't feel guilty, he wouldn't feel conflicted. Which means he really doesn't want to be mean to others, but he's just acting out based on how he thinks he's supposed to feel/act, but doesn't really enjoy it. I think when you strip Draco back behind his actions, and pose, you'll find a very different person. The half-blood prince gave us some of that, but it's another thing to see it in Draco from the beginning. Essentially Draco's attempt at bullying started when Harry rejected his friendship. Draco had probably never been rejected before, and probably couldn't possibly fathom why Harry would choose anyone else over him. While yes that's a bit coincided, Draco was also incredibly sheltered and probably wasn't introduced to children who weren't already tied to his family. Harry's rejection irrevocably shattered Draco's confidence and perception, which sent him into literal years of lashing out at Harry for his hurt emotions, and pining for his attention. It is the most pathetic excuse for bullying, and Draco antagonizing Harry is the equivalent of pulling a girl's pigtails. Draco did get quite shrewd with words, but he was really just trying to get the biggest reaction, especially since Harry is so volatile at times. The truth of the matter is Draco is actually very jealous, because deep down he really admires Harry. He want's the same freedom Harry has. He doesn't want to worry about his duty or who he has to be, but to be able to live authentically the way he views that Harry does. Draco really just wants to be more like Harry, but feels he is stuck, by the Dark Lord, his family obligations or anything else. Draco isn't a bully, he's just sad. Not even Ron or Hermione take him seriously after a while. *cough*this is why Drarry is so huge*

Part 4 : He had no choice?????

Everyone has a choice, but I think you over estimate how easy a choice can be. Family is important to Draco, they are probably the only people who love him for who he is, not what they can get out of him. As a child Draco felt pride in his family, and family made him feel special and important. As he got older that pride turn into expectations, and responsibility. Lucius and Narcissa value the preservation of their family above all else. They are protective and loving and those feeling extended to Draco. It's where he gets his kindness. It is indeed a Slytherin trait to value those you care about above everyone else. We protect our own, a loyalty probably stronger then Hufflepuff for those select few a Slytherin deeply cares about. Draco's parent would let the whole world burn to save him, and Draco would do the same for them. While Draco's family did hold pureblood ideals, after the first war Voldemort was not someone they willing wanted to follow. The light sided also would have never offered aid to death eaters, because fundamentally they were still against the dark, and there was no other place for dark wizards to go except Voldemort. Most of the death eaters had actually been somewhat relived at the news of Voldemort's death, and the boy who lived, as Voldemort had already become insane to the point of torturing his own followers, and wasn't getting them anywhere near their goals. Except for the also insane brainwashed few like Bella who'd follow her lord to the grave, many of the death eater's were content to be peaceful and stay quite after the war. Probably even grateful for it, as there were many needless casualties on both sides. I feel like the Malfoys were one of those families that were happy to get out. If the side they are on is harmful or losing, they are ready to abandon ship. This may sound like they are cowardly with no resolve, but if it was the life and death of your family, and your loved ones, I think you might think differently. I feel like we aren't too far off in agreement here, but where we differ is in judgement and motives we feel the Malfoys, or Draco had. Lucius made a mistake in the first war, and spent the second trying to keep his family out of danger. I can't imagine the fear he had in Azkaban for his family, the dementors feeding off him and what he thought the Dark Lord would do to his only son, his wife, his family. Meanwhile Draco was left with the threat of his father rotting in Azkaban, and his mother being killed. His mother also with the thought of her son being killed. So yes Draco could have made a choice, and he did make a choice, a choice to protect his family, and honestly I can't see that as wrong. Maybe if Harry would have actually taken his offer of friendship things could have gone differently and it wouldn't have come to that.

Part 5 : Abuse Theory

I definitely agree with you here. The Malfoys were not abusive, and get a better anthology for racism then something which in fact could be solved with a study on culture rather then blood. If you want a good parallel for racism in HP forget muggleborns, and look at creature blood, not dumb house elfs either, but werewolves, goblins, centaurs beings just as intelligent as wizards. The bigotry towards werewolves especially is horrific, especially from the "light side" who avidly labels them as dangerous dark creatures. *Also note about the scene in Borgen and Berks* Lucius stopped Draco from touching the artifact because it was probably cursed, as many dark artifacts are. Even if you know what you're doing they can be dangerous to handle carelessly. So Lucius was actually very wise and protecting Draco, his 12 yr old son, from getting badly hurt. Why the cane? If touching a cursed object curses you, then its better not to get close with your actual hands. Using his cane to push Draco away was actually a precaution. Lucius is anything but careless,

Part 6: Draco's Wand and Symbolism

I generally agree here too, but I believe this symbolism is more reflective of the things Draco wishes he could have had, or done differently. If anything the wand and symbolism Draco has is representative of the good in him, and not cowardice, or inability to do enough.

Part 7: Redemption

Tbh I'm part of the crowd that would have liked that deleted scene to stay in the final cut. However I understand what's justifiable for one person, may not be enough for someone else. This is where you get more into the topic of morality, and how much are you morally responsible for as a person. Harry has been drilled with the mindset for years that he has to save everyone, and that if your not in it for the greater good, ready to lay down your life you better forget being in it at all. Personally I don't believe Harry has any right to claim that rhetoric, as Dumbledore(and by association Grindlewald) practically spoon fed it down his throat; but I wont talk about that as it's a whole other issue. Draco, you have to understand has a whole type of different morality. Objectively I believe he's a good person, if not pressured by the echo chamber of ideals around him. Yet Draco repeatedly gives signs, and expresses the desire to want to do good. In order to properly analyze Draco you have to look past his outward facade, and actions, or you'll never see him as anything more then he pretends to be. If you can only read plain text, if you can't see past the obvious, you will always have a very flat one dimensional view of a character or a person. To me there's no redemption needed. Draco is already good, more good then his parents, and perhaps more good then some who claim goodness.

In summary Draco is a very complex person, who tries to over compensate for his flaws, struggles to express honesty, but deeply cares for others, especially his family. His duality lies in how he wants to be good to others, yet how in the end he always chooses to save the ones he loves, over the majority. Draco will always have his flaws, but he will always have his goodness too, and I hope you won't disregard that.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

P.S

Kudos to anyone who read through all that.

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media-on-the-mind101 · 5 years ago

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Split : Dissociative Identity Disorder (Movie)

*May contain spoilers*

I’m starting off with one of my favorite movies about a disorder that is very controversial. Split, the sequel to Unbreakable and prequel to Glass, stars British actor James MacCavoy as Kevin Wendell Crumb who suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). The existence of DID, formerly called Multi-personality Disorder, is controversial though it is listed in the fifth and current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM -Five).

The DSM-Five defines DID as “the presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states, each with it’s own relatively enduring pattern or perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and self.” Other symptoms include those similar to depression; lack of appetite, suicidal ideation, and some that resemble other dissociation disorders: being out of touch from environment, having blackouts, and selective amnesia. Some even resemble Bipolar II or Borderline Personality Disorder, such as extreme changes in mood.

In the movie, Kevin shows many of these symptoms including having two or more distinct personalities. But were the personalities portrayed accurately? And was his treatment portrayed accurately?

Above: Kevin’s many personalities

Kevin has a total of 23 personalities (excluding the beast which appears at the end and his normal personality) but the movie only focuses on five : Hedwig, Barry, Jade, Dennis, and Patricia. Each personality is exaggerated, cartoonish, and completely different from the others. Hedwig is a nine-year-old boy who can’t pronounce his Rs, while Jade is a stereotypical teenage girl. Patricia is a posh British lady, while Barry is a levelheaded artist. Finally, Dennis is the angry man who kidnapped the girls.

Based on the definition of DID, there is no doubt that Kevin has this disorder; the symptoms would not fully match any other diagnosis. But just how realistic are his personalities portrayed?

The main thing I questioned while watching this movie, was how some of Kevin’s personalities had different abilities. I noticed that one wears glasses and one has a speech impediment, but the rest do not. Biologically, this would not make any sense, because the personalities are coming from the same body. So can people with DID really have personalities with different physical abilities? The answer is, surprisingly, yes.

In 2015, a 37 year old German women who had gone blind twenty years ago from brain damage, regained her eyesight in some of her split personalities. The case study was fascinating, and I felt chills run down my spine while researching it. Indeed, brain scans confirmed that the recovery of her vision was real; the visual cortex was inactive in her blind personalities, but active in her seeing personalities. One explanation for this phenomenon was psychogenic blindness, a conversion disorder (disorder that cannot be explained by damage) which is often developed after experiencing a traumatic event. So is it realistic for Dennis to wear glasses while the other personalities don’t? In rare cases, yes.

The same case revealed that some of her personalities spoke German while others spoke English. Other DID patients have been known to have similar experiences. Some also report foreign accent syndrome, in which they take on an accent different from their own. So if this is possible, then a personality with a speech impediment should not be that surprising.

While researching the brain areas that are tied to speech, I came across information that could help answer this question. According to jneuro.com, there are about five different areas which control speech. These include the cerebellum, basal ganglia, and others. The theory behind foreign accent syndrome is that patients have damage in their abilities to program their sequence of movement and position of muscles in which they speak. The same concept applies to people who develop speech impediments. I could not find any information about speech impediments in DID, but based on the information about speech and foreign accent syndrome, it certainly seems possible. So that explains Hedwig’s speech impediment and Patricia’s British accent.

Another thing I was skeptical about, was weather or not a person with DID can take on a personality of a different age and actually have the cognitive abilities of that age. In a sense, do they truly regress, and how? According to healthyplace.com, this is indeed possible, however the cause is not certain. According to the National Center for Biotechnology information (NCBI), the frontal lobe is main center for planning, impulse control, and working memory in the brain. The development of this area is what causes a person to be more careless during adolescence, and more careful as the get older. Damage to the frontal lobe causes people to regress back to childhood behavior, as seen in the famous case of Phineas Gage who developed behavioral problems after getting his head impaled by a tamping rod. In people with DID, their entire brain has problems in functioning, including the frontal lobe. So it seems plausible that a person with DID could revert back to childhood behaviors. However, the changes in cognitive abilities and level of knowledge have not been explained.

Finally, I want to discuss the personality that we’ve all been waiting for: the beast. Considered the phoniest personality of them all, the “monster” is also the scariest. The other personalities are trying to protect Kevin from the “beast.” The reason he is seen as phony is because he possesses inhuman abilities, such as the ability to climb up walls. He also becomes cannibal. I could not find any evidence that this personality is actually possible. However, I did find many other blogs which addressed the same issue about the movie. The “beast” personality implies that a person with DID can change their strength and physiology to be able to defy gravity, and scientifically this is not possible.

While climbing up wall is not possible unless you are Spider-man, some of the monster’s trait might actually be plausible. Physiological arousal happens even in healthy people, and this arousal can cause a person to become more aggressive and develop physical strength they did not have previously. In disorders such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), the physiological arousal is triggered by memories of the traumatic event. According to the NCBI, a case study showed that a woman with DID had a tendency to switch personalities when under stress.

DID is usually caused by traumatic events, and the personalities can be brought on by triggers, so it makes sense that the person would already be aroused, and thus, lose control. However, the beast’s behavior is extreme and more similar to possession. I found a book called “Born Evil” which tells the real-life story of a serial killer who was cannibal and had DID. While there are a handful of serial killers who are known for cannibalism, most of them were diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, or were not diagnosed at all. Jeffery Dahmer was diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder, according to Wikipedia. So the cannibalism part of the monster’s personality is possible but not well known to happen.

The part that got me most was the fact that the “beast” was a probably a metaphor for Kevin’s harsh past. In people with DID, their personalities stem from a traumatic event to protect the person from the memory of that event. So in a sense, the “monster” should actually have been Kevin’s overbearing, Obsessive-Compulsive mother. This is clear because his other personalities were trying to protect him from it.

Kevin’s “Dennis” personality showed some obsessive compulsive tendencies as well. While there is no evidence that people with DID can actually have a personality with OCD, studies have found a phenomenological overlap between the two. According to the NCBI, one study showed that in rare cases, people with OCD can have higher levels of dissociative experiences. These people feel that alternate personalities are responsible for their obsessions and compulsions. However, this sample size of this study was too small to determine any strong correlations or causations. I think having the “beast” turn out to be Kevin’s mom would have made a much more realistic and meaningful ending, and would have been educational about DID and how traumatic events can effect people.

Now that we’ve discussed how the disorder was portrayed, I want to discuss how the treatment was portrayed as well. According to psychcentral.com, the main treatments for DID are therapy, medication, and hospitalization. The types of therapies used include; cognitive behavioral (CBT), dialectical behavioral (DBT, a type of CBT), hypnotherapy (hypnosis), and sensorimotor psychotherapy (becoming aware of physiological signs that personality is about to change, and controlling the change). Medications include selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors (SSRIs), other anxiety medications, and antipsychotics. Some take benzodiazepines which were originally made for people with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Therapy for DID is unique in that it comes in three stages. Stage 1 is reducing self-destructive or suicidal behaviors, learning coping skills, regulating emotion, and relaxation techniques. In stage 2, patients begin to process their traumatic memories. Finally, stage 3 includes reconnecting to themselves and others and refocusing on life goals. Patients may achieve a more solid sense of self and, thus causing their personalities to fuse back into one. The three stages are not linear, so patients may alternate between them, or they may overlap. Some patients don’t make it through all three phases.

In the movie, Kevin has a therapist, and receives talk therapy which is a type of CBT. However, he does not take any medication. Kevin does not get hospitalized. His treatment is not in the three stages, or at least the stages are not mentioned. Like many movies, “Split” focuses more on the symptoms of the disorder then the treatment, so the treatment does not go into detail. While Kevin’s treatment is not untrue to real life, the movie left out a lot of important details that would have educated the audience.

In conclusion, I believe that “Split” did have some errors in it’s portrayal of DID, but was not as far off as people think. Many other blogs are bashing it for it’s inaccuracy, but according to my research, most of the symptoms shown are not impossible. While “Split” may have left out a lot of symptoms such as depression, lack of appetite, each person experiences the disorder differently and does not necessarily show every symptom. As for treatment, the movie did portray it somewhat realistically, but left out a lot of important details, such as medication, hospitalization, and the three stages.

I think it would be great if movie directors hired mental health consultants, the same we they hire medical consultants on TV shows like House. This way, the portrayal of both the illness and the treatment would be more accurate, and educating to the audience. The movie would also be less frustrating for people who actually have the disorder, because they would feel that people are getting more accurate ideas about the illness. I think the media plays a big role in the stigma toward mental illness, and having more accurate portrayals could potentially change it. Even movies based on real-life stories are not always accurate, as I will discuss in my future blogs.

Thank you for reading, and if you have any questions or requests for future articles, please message me or talk to me in the comments!

#mental health #mental illness #split movie #james mcavoy #movies #psychology

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delosdoll · 4 years ago

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These Violent Delights

//This is my first try at this! Please be nice xD Chapter Two Link

Chapter One - The Other Girl

(AngelaXLogan)

She watches quietly as his fingertips graze through her hair, feel her skin and then grasp her shoulder. She felt so unbelievably real, but just how real exactly? He was determined to find out.

“What is it, Dolores?” She asks.

“What were you doing?” She nods to the doors, hands folded before her. “Is that..the outsider?”

“I was securing an investment. And yes.” She flicks her gaze back towards him as well. Had Dolores caught those last brushes of affection she had let slip towards him?

//Thank you for reading and giving this a try! If you liked it please let me know and a share always helps. <3

#Logan Delos #Westworld #AngelaXLogan #Rare Pair #My first fic :3 #Fanfic #Logan Fanfic #Westworld fic #Hope you enjoy :3 #These Violent Delights #Chapter One

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neverbloom-again · 4 years ago

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Chosen (for all the wrong reasons)

A Hotch/Reid fic crossposted from my ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/23649229)

Aaron knew it wasn’t necessarily rational. He knew exactly why Spencer had picked him, he knew why it was him who his lover named to be killed. He knew it was a message, in reality, he truly knew it, and understood it loud and clear. But no matter how well he knew this, he couldn’t help the voice in the back of his mind that screamed that he wasn’t picked because he would understand what Reid wanted to say. He couldn’t help but let the dark depths of his mind wander to places he never wished to reach, where the only thoughts were that he wasn’t good enough, that he wasn’t wanted, and the words resounding through his head, overpowering all other thoughts, were that maybe, he wasn’t ever really loved by anyone.

The moment Spencer said his name, his heart shattered into thousands of tiny little pieces. Hotch was sure that if anyone had been looking at his face at that one moment in time, their relationship would become clear as day, and the whole team would have seen, and to a certain extent, understood, the heartbreak he felt. But he quickly fixed his expression, covering up any evidence that his straight-faced facade had ever broken.

Even when Reid called him a narcissist, he didn’t understand why his name was said, not at first. It took him a few moments to work it out, realising it only because it seemed so strange for Spencer to say that. His partner was normally reassuring him that his faults didn’t matter, not pointing them out for everyone to see. And narcissism seemed a strange thing to pick out of all of the plentiful choices he had, because he didn’t really fit either of the definitions they had discussed - and that was when it had hit him, and he quickly continued on with the case, concern at the forefront of his mind.

The team found Spencer, and he was safe, thank god, even if he was bruised and beaten, and had so many mental scars. It pained him to see his lover so clearly struggling with the drugs, struggling to resist the urge to continue using, and the thoughts he was trying to keep at bay stayed away, for a while anyway, but he knew it wouldn’t last long. By the time Spencer was finishing his physical recovery, he could no longer keep the thoughts at bay.

He felt guilty, spending his time dwelling on these useless thoughts when really, he came out of the situation unharmed, objectively, but especially when compared to his partner, who came out with so many unbelievable mental and physical scars. Hotch knew he was weak for feeling this way, he was so keenly aware that he should be being strong, and not let his childish emotions get the best of him. His father made sure he knew from a young age that he was weak in this way, however, so how could he expect anything better from himself?

So, in his very typical way, Aaron held his feelings close to his chest, not revealing anything, not even to those closest to him. He kept his face blank and tried to keep his feelings from clouding his actions. He wasn’t angry, just… disappointed. He thought he had found someone who loved him, and theoretically, he still somewhat understood he did. In practice, seeing that was much harder. Regardless of his best efforts, he began to withdraw from the world around him, in his head so much more than he normally would be. He avoided Reid whenever he could because he wished that maybe if he stayed further away, he could either make Spencer like him more, as he wouldn’t see all of his flaws, or at least let the relationship slowly break naturally, so that the heartbreak might come slowly, and his heart wouldn’t shatter again.

Of course, this was a terrible plan, as despite his personal struggles and general inability to understand social situations, Spencer Reid was not an idiot. He could see that something was wrong with his partner, even if he had no clue what. He noticed Aaron’s constant distance, and the way he would do anything to help him, but never do anything for himself. He didn’t understand what had happened, or if it was something he had done or said.

“Boy Genius! To what do I owe the pleasure of speaking to you on this fine day?” Garcia said joyfully.

“Garcia, I need your help with something,” he began, “Well more accurately your advice… On a, well a personal matter.”

“Oh wow! Okay, what can I do for you then?” She almost dropped the phone in shock, not expecting that at all from the young man. “Is it about a special someone? Do you have a date?”

“Err… Well, I guess in a way. If I tell you, you need to not tell the team. Like not at all, not even Morgan can know.”

“Top secret! This is exciting! Now let the Goddess of Love know what is going on.”

Spencer was almost shaking. They hadn’t told anyone on the team, the only people that knew were his mother, Sean, and a few of Aaron’s old friends. They knew what repercussions it could have on the team, interpersonally and professionally.

“It’s Aaron. We have been dating for a while, and I am kind of worried about him because I can tell something is wrong, but he won’t talk to me, and I have no experience in these situations, and did you know that over 70%-”

“Hey, Spence, slow down there buddy!” She cut him off before he could fully begin to ramble. “So you and Boss-Man got together? That's pretty cool. You are definitely telling me all about that later, but for now, what's wrong with our mighty captain?”

“That’s the issue. I have no idea. He keeps avoiding me and he looks really sad and distant, but I don’t know what I’ve done!” Spencer was slowly getting more and more stressed and his agitation grew at his confusion.

“Calm down, I’m here to help. When did this start?” “I’m not really sure… He has seemed weird ever since… well you know, but it only got bad a few weeks after, and it keeps getting worse and worse and I am really worried about him. He hasn’t struggled this much since Haley left with Jack.”

Penelope was shaking her head, partly out of worry, for both of her boys, but also fond exasperation. For all that both of them were extremely intelligent and competent, they were absolutely useless with emotions.

“Spencer, I think you really need to talk to Hotch about this. Hankel was hard for you, and the aftermath certainly has been too, and he has probably been so worried about you being okay that he has forgotten to think about how he feels. Now before you go all self-deprecating and thinking this is all your fault, it’s not. You just need to have a good, healthy, slightly overdue emotional talk.”

“Thanks, Garcia. You are the best. And please, don’t-”

“Tell anyone, yeah, I got it. And I know. Good luck with the boss!”

Spencer placed his head in his hands after Penelope hung up the phone. Neither he nor Aaron were particularly good at emotional talks, in fact, both generally aimed to avoid them like the plague. But their relationship was on the line, and he would face anything to defend that.

So he picked up his phone, and quickly texted Aaron, letting him know that he would be coming over that evening, and bringing dinner, because they had to talk.

When Hotch got a text from Spencer ending in “we need to talk,” his mind went into overdrive. This was the end, the relationship was as good as done now. It hurt, more than he wanted to admit, given he knew it was most likely only a matter of time before Spencer left him, since he didn’t really love him, not as much as he loved his best friends on the team, or even Prentiss, the new agent who he barely knew.

He checked the time. He had an hour before it all ended, before his whole world collapsed. That meant just over an hour before Spencer would leave him breaking down, before everything they had turned back into a “just colleagues” relationship. It was strange. Hotch had expected the prior knowledge that it was coming to make it hurt less, but it was just as hard as finding Haley in bed with another man. Maybe it would have hurt less if this time it wasn’t his fault. But it was. Once is a fluke - his family couldn't love him. Twice is a coincidence - he wasn’t enough for his wife and his son. Three times, well that has to be a pattern.

Aaron washed his face, freshened up, and sat down at the table, staring at the clock as the time ticked on by. 60 minutes. 50 minutes. 40 minutes. 30 minutes. 20, 15, 10, 5. Just before the clock was about to change, to hit the impending time, a soft knock on the door pulled him away. It was here, It was the end.

To say that Spencer was stressed would have to be the understatement of the year. His palms were sweating, and his mind was racing with thoughts about absolutely everything. What if the whole issue was that he wasn’t good enough, or didn’t pay Aaron enough attention, or-- He was pulled out of his head by the door opening, showing his partner looking more fragile, more frightened than he had ever been, staring down the barrel of a gun or waiting for a bomb to explode.

“Hey, Aaron, are you okay?” Spencer asked, cautiously, as he made his way into the house. Hotch straightened his face and tensed up.

“Yes Reid, I am fine. What did you want to talk about?” Keeping it together was killing the older man, as he was just ready to breakdown as a result of all the pent up emotions.

“I wanted to check in on you, because you have seemed… off, for lack of a better word, for the last few weeks. You have been avoiding me, and you have seemed distant and sad. I love you, but you need to tell me how you are feeling. I could profile you, but I can’t read your mind.”

Every second that passed was a monumental challenge for Aaron, and he was so, so tired of keeping secrets, of hiding how he felt. But he also knew if he told Spencer, he would blame himself, and it was no one’s fault but his, for being so unloveable.

“I’m fine. I’m sure you heard me the first time, so if that is all you have to say, you can go.”

“Aaron! I’m not leaving until you stop lying to me. I am not letting the best relationship I have ever had fall apart because we can’t talk to one another. I love you! Nothing will change that, so just tell me what is going on!”

It was weird for Hotch to see Spencer like this. He barely raised his voice in general, let alone at Aaron. Between that, and hearing him say that he loved him, he broke. He could no longer hold back all that he had been feeling.

“But do you love me, Spencer? You spend all this time telling me that it is true and that all my numerous flaws don’t bother you, but when push comes to shove, when you have to make a choice, you don’t really care for me. No one does.”

He regrets saying it as soon as the words leave his mouth. It was the wrong thing to say, without a doubt, and now Aaron has just ruined any chances of Spencer still wanting anything to do with him.

Spencer felt ashamed of himself. He claims to be a genius, and yet he missed what was right in front of him this whole time. Of course, given his past, everything that happened with Hankel, choosing Aaron to be killed would cause him problems. Suddenly the whole situation made so much more sense.

“Aaron, my love,” He began, “You know I love you. I love your flaws, your perfections, and every single thing that makes you the incredible person you are. Everything that happened with… him, all I was trying to do was get back to you safely. I didn’t pick you because I care about you less, instead, it was because I trust you so much. I knew you would get my message and save me.”

The two men wandered over to the couch, and Aaron lay on Spencer, turning his head to look him in the eyes.

“I’m so so sorry,” he softly cried, “I should be stronger than this. You are the one who was hurt, not me. I’m sorry I am so weak. I’ll try to change. I’ll be better. I’ll be perfect for you!”

Spencer slowly and soothingly talked to Aaron. “You don’t have to change or be stronger. You are the best man I know. You would do anything for me, for the team, for Jack. Anyone who tells you anything else is someone you should ignore.”

As they lay there on that couch, enjoying the soft silence and each other’s company, they internally reflected on all that had happened. If nothing else, this had just proven the strength of their relationship and allowed them to continue to grow.

(Also, Spencer thought, he really needs to get Garcia the greatest gift he can. Maybe a date with a certain blonde media liaison she was most definitely into? He should probably also let Hotch know that Garcia knows. He will probably not be too impressed by that.)

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spellbccks · 5 years ago

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«♡» ───── I N T R O D U C I N G . . . *✧｡⋆

. . . A Z A Z E L P E T H A M E N O S !

the boy made of golden smoke . . .

«♡» ───── STATS !

BASICS !

name: azazel pethamenos

nicknames: zazzy

age: nineteen

gender: demiboy

pronouns: he/they

date of birth: may 13th, 2000

parent(s): bill cipher; adopted by hades & persephone

hometown: the isle of the lost; the underworld

occupation: student & prince / god ?

PHYSICAL !

hair colour: black

eye colour: gold irises w/ red pupils

height: 167cm

tattoos: none, but ! he has the pethamenos family crest branded into the left side of his chest !

piercings: three piercings in his right lobe, four piercings in his left lobe, double helix on his right ear, triple forward helix on his left ear, industrial through his right ear !

scars: he has to many to count, but noticeable ones are: two long scars on either side of his spine, a long scar along his throat, a small scar along his left cheekbone, a jagged scar through the brand on the left side of his chest !

faceclaim: jeon jeongguk

«♡» ───── ABOUT !

he was born on the isle of the lost as the biological son of everyone’s favourite inter - dimensional dream demon, bill cipher.

it’s needless to say that bill wasn’t the best parent around . . . in fact, he wasn’t really much of a parent at all. what bill lacked in love and compassion, he devastatingly made up for in abuse and torment --- and azazel had always been his most favoured plaything.

for the first few years of his life, azazel grew up under the grand knowledge that he wasn’t really anything more than an object, a plaything, a toy for bill to use, distort, warp however and whenever he saw fit.

and yet . . . he also grew up being told that, while he would never be grander than his father, he would always be grander than everyone else; he had a multi - verse at his very fingertips if he just knew how to get to it.

so, while he was the subject to years and years of torture and abuse at the hands of his very own father, there was also this sort of . . . god complex that was instilled into him; and it was that exact god complex that would be his demise !

see, despite the lack of magic, azazel started becoming . . . powerful on the isle. he was the epitome of chaos and destruction, instilled fear just about everywhere he went, brought death down upon people for so little as looking at him the wrong way; he was as close to a god as one could get on a place like that and he reveled in it.

at first, the power, for lack of a better word, that azazel has acquired on the isle had been all fun and games to bill, but as he grew older, the elder cipher began to see his own son as a sort of threat.

he began to see his son’s god complex outweigh the part of azazel that was supposed to know his place, the part of him that was supposed to know that he was just a plaything for his father’s amusement.

so, in order to eliminate any kind of threat to himself that he had accidentally created within his son, bill promptly killed azazel quite brutally ( as in . . . he cut into him and essentially tore him to shreds . . . ) at the young age of . . . twelve-ish !

upon his death, azazel was sent to the underworld --- the greek underworld, where persephone found him, soul beaten and battered and barely conscious, and instantly took him in !

the original plan had been to simple nurse him back to whatever sort of health a soul requires and then release him into the rest of the underworld, but persephone soon found herself adoring this child who she’d brought back to health, for lack of a better word, and she insisted he be their child, which hades begrudgingly agreed to, because . . . he’s whipped for his wife.

azazel, knowing only abuse his entire life, was reluctant to agree, though upon realising that his newfound father was the god of the underworld . . . he realised he didn’t have much of a choice.

the first little while in his new home was better than anything he’d ever experienced before --- persephone doted on him like there was no tomorrow and, while hades was a tad more distant, it was evident that he too had a growing adoration for this boy.

but sweetness only lasts so long before it turns bitter --- long story short, somehow kronos and rhea were raised from tartarus ( probably by hades, since he ‘s power hungry even now ) and upon finding out exactly what azazel is, he saw an undeniable potential in him.

thus, kronos began treating azazel similarly to how bill did, except his reason for the abuse was because he was “ training him to be a god ” and, in all his naivety, azazel believed this and still does.

hades and persephone witnessed the abuse being forced upon their child, they were aware of it, and persephone hated it; but going against the father of one of the most powerful gods alive ? going against a titan ? not even the gods who preside over the underworld would do that.

so, a new life of torture and torment is what azazel was forced into, once again being used as a plaything, except this time ? he was told it was for his own good. he was told that he was being molded into the god that he had all the potential to be.

so, he took the abuse almost happily, even though his daily sessions with his grandfather were the most dreaded hours of his life. he saw them as normal, as something that he needed, something that he was almost addicted to.

as he grew older, as he neared the age of eighteen, he began being told ( by his father, this time ) that he would, one day, inherit the throne to the underworld and would one day be the king --- the god --- of what is essentially hell.

this news was new to azazel, but it influenced him in ways nothing else ever had --- he began taking everything his grandfather had told him to heart; he had to discipline himself, to train himself, to be the grandest fucking god anyone has ever seen.

so, all of the violence and abuse that his grandfather forced upon him ? was doubled as azazel began forcing it upon himself as well. he would mimic upon himself all that his grandfather would do to him, though he did this mostly in private, not letting his mother or father know as he knew they wouldn’t approve of such self - harm.

then, within just the past month or two, he was given the opportunity to attend university in auradon. truly, he didn’t want to attend, as he didn’t see why he should need to attend college when he’s going to be a king, the god of the underworld.

persephone insisted that it would be a good opportunity for him, but it was kronos’ influence that convinced him --- his grandfather told him that he should go to auradon, and he should become a god at last and use all of his powers to find a way to free the underworld from the isle. so, needless to say, azazel left the underworld and the isle to come to auradon.

before he left, though, kronos gave him an incantation and instructions for a ritual --- “ complete this ritual and recite this during the devil’s hour, “ he told the boy, “ do this and you will be a god. “

azazel wasn’t sure what his grandfather meant by this, but this incantation, this ritual was the first thing he did upon coming to auradon and, instantly, he understood.

the completion of the ritual channeled olympian divinities and, just like that, azazel was granted god - like status & powers, in reflection to those of his father, hades, in addition to all that he was born with as a dream demon.

and now that he’s in auradon, he’s doing all that he can to try and find a way to free the underworld, his underworld.

«♡» ───── PERSONALITY & MISC !

he’s the epitome of chaos ! kills for fun ! alters reality for fun ! literally the worst !

oh ! he steals souls ! makes deals w/ people and grants them a wish in return for their soul !

he . . . throws�� tantrums . . . a lot . . . will just start shrieking . . . they don’t ever end well, because he doesn’t know how to control his powers, so uh ! beware !

he’s fucking . . . touch - starved as shit . . . please . . . love him . . .

but also ! trust issues ! doesn’t actually let people touch him ! is afraid of people hurting him !

he’s . . . always covered in bruises & wounds & scars . . . please, don’t ask him about them . . . or do . . . piss him off . . . go wild . . .

his trademark colour is gold !

he’s known for disappearing into a cloud of sparkly, gold smoke ! it’s his thing !

also, his appearance is very . . . light. looks more like an angel than the god - in - training of the underworld.

also being the heir to the underworld throne is . . . key to his character . . . sniffles . . .

don’t . . . call him azazel . . . ever . . . always zazzy . . . only zazzy . . .

#«♡» ───── introductions. *✧｡⋆ ⌜ all. ⌟#i am . ..so sor ry y

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davidthetraveler · 6 years ago

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How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story? - For the ask thing you posted

2. How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?

Well, that’s a bit of a long story.

For the sake of you guys’ feeds, I’m putting it behind a cut.

But in case anyone else would like to, feel free to send me one (or more) of these LGBT+ Asks.

To start off, I need to be perfectly honest with you. I wasn’t always such a staunch proponent of the LGBTQ+ community. In fact, for the better part of my first 28 years, I was just as much of a passive homophobe as the rest of my family. I would never seek to condemn another person to their face, but then you can always secretly judge them in your head from afar.

It wasn’t until after I started getting into Thomas’ videos and becoming a part of the famderdom that I started easing up on those old beliefs. I started listening to what others had to say about their genders and sexualities. I really started paying attention to the dangers these people, people I was starting to call my friends, were in.

And then, it happened.

I… developed some… unexpected feelings.

I’m not sure at what point it started, but I began to develop a romantic attraction to another guy in the famderdom. (For the sake of his privacy, as well as my own, I won’t tell you his identity. Some of you already know anyway, and I’m pretty sure a few of you have already guessed who he is. I haven’t exactly been the most subtle about it.) How I figured out I was feeling this way is a rather interesting story in and of itself.

As I’ve mentioned before, I often use writing, and in particular my character David the Traveler, to help me better process my experiences and emotions and figure things out in my life. And I’d already started working on an idea for a story that would see him meeting up with Thomas and his sides.

But then one day, while I was considering possible plot points for this story, my character decided that he was secretly in love with Thomas.

I was taken aback. I’d never expressed any sort of romantic interest in another man at this point. Why would my character, a glorified self-insert turned useful concept explorer slash fun plot device, be interested in another guy? And that’s when it hit me. I’d developed feelings for another guy, and was expressing it through my character.

But why? Why me, and why now out of nowhere?

It took me several long weeks of self-reflection to come to terms with the matter. During that time, I went back through every romantic fantasy I’d ever had, considered everything I’d ever desired in a relationship, examined every romantic thought I’d ever expressed, whether out loud or internally. And that’s when it hit me.

One of the things I’d learned about as I became more aware of the LGBTQ+ community was the often overlooked Asexual subcommunity. I understood the basic concept, that it was about a lack of desire for sexual activity, but I didn’t give it too much thought. Until my self-evaluation revealed that the one thing most of the world says you’re supposed to want in a relationship is the one part of a relationship I never had any real interest in.

It was a strange sort of revelation. I mean, I had certainly always wanted kids, and therefore such activity was technically part of all of my fantasies. But looking back, I’d realized I’d never put any emphasis on those acts. They happened, but other than that acknowledgement they played no part in my romantic dreams.

Not to mention the fact that most of my older stories, even those with explicitly romantic relationships, were mainly focused on more platonic relationships, such as between my stand-in characters and those of my best friend Blake. (The fact that so many of those stories involved our stand-ins ending up in long term very close friendships, or one of us being a girl and getting together, is fairly conclusive evidence that my subconscious desires for our relationship were probably not as platonic as I would have been willing to admit at the time.)

But even if I could be romantically attracted to guys, I still felt like I was romantically attracted to girls too. And maybe perhaps those other nonbinary genders that I was still trying to wrap my head around. I was still very confused about the different labels people were using, and wondered if there was a term for me.

I don’t know when exactly I found it, or what led me to find it in the first place, but one day I came across that label. That perfect label to describe how I was feeling.

Asexual Biromantic

In my case, it refers to the fact that I have little to no interest in sex (except for the purpose of producing children), but that I am still interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with someone, and it doesn’t matter if they are a girl or a boy (or something else).

So, now I had a fancy label to stick on myself. But there was still the matter of coming to terms with and accepting the fact that I wasn’t straight. And that’s where my family’s upbringing really held me back in this process.

I am a Christian. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior when I was nine. I firmly believe in the Christian teachings of sin and forgiveness and all that stuff. And as part of all that religious upbringing, I was taught that homosexuality was a sin.

But now I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I couldn’t lie to myself and say that I was just imagining these feelings. They weren’t exactly the most pleasant, considering the guy I liked barely knew I existed, not to mention the many other reasons a relationship between us was highly unlikely. To feel like this about someone and know that there is almost no chance that they could reciprocate those feelings is not fun. If it was a matter of choice, why in the world would I choose this sort of emotional pain over being “normal”?

But I also couldn’t just up and dump everything about my Christian beliefs either. So much of what I’d been taught I’d accepted as unfailing truth. Not to mention the many religious experts who spent so much time trying to prove that the Bible truly condemns people like this. Reading their arguments was definitely not good for my psyche at the time, even with reading counterarguments concerning mistranslations helping to bolster my hope during that period.

In the end, I fell back on the most important truth of them all: that God loves me. That he made me specifically the way I am. And that there was no logic, no reason, for Him to make me something that would be condemned by Him just for existing. That’s not how God works. God Is Love. And He loves me, despite the many mistakes I’ve made in my life. And that was good enough for me.

In the end, I finally accepted myself for who and what I was. I came out to my new famder family on my 29th birthday. They were all so supportive of me. Over time, I’ve even been comfortable enough telling them more of my struggles with these sorts of things, including my ongoing feelings for this guy, and every single one has been nothing but loving and encouraging to me. This famderdom truly has been one of the best things to ever happen to me.

But this isn’t the end of my story. You see, I’m still not out in real life. I’m afraid to tell my family. I may have changed my views on the matter, but they all remain firmly attached to their passive homophobia. I’m honestly legitimately concerned about what they might do to me if they knew.

But I still have hope. Hope that someday I’ll be in a place where I feel safe enough to tell them. Hope that I’ll be able to meet and make friends with people in real life who are in the community. Hope that someday I’ll be able to openly be myself without fearing what others might say. And hope that I’ll finally find someone I’ll love who will love me back and who will build a life with me.

And I guess that’s all any of us hope for. To be loved for who we are and not to be afraid.

Here’s hoping that day will come soon. For all of us.

#TW Homophobia Mention #TW Internalized Homophobia Mention #David's Answers

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mcneelamusic · 4 years ago

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The Surprising Origins of Traditional Irish Concertina Playing

The Greatest Irish Fiddle Player of Our Time

When people think of traditional Irish fiddle playing, they usually think of furious toe-tapping tunes played at a breakneck speed with fingers flying and bows bouncing off the strings. One Irish fiddle player is responsible for breaking the mould however, and inspiring countless generations in his wake.

Martin Hayes is regarded today as one of the greatest Irish fiddle players in existence. His unique playing style is recognised across the world. But how exactly has this musical legend innovated Irish fiddle playing?

Keep reading to learn about Hayes’ signature style. I’ll introduce you to some of his most iconic and innovative work and show you how you too can play like this master.

Take your playing to the next level with inspiration from the greatest Irish fiddle player of all time.

Contents

Late Night Kitchen Sessions

Martin Hayes was born into a musical family in a small village in East Clare. Music sessions were commonplace in his household and he would often stay awake late into the night listening to the music coming from the kitchen. This immersion in Irish music and the tradition was the perfect breeding ground for his musical genius.

I grew up in a household filled with music in a locality with a rich musical heritage. My father PJ Hayes and my uncle Paddy Canny were both highly respected fiddle players in the world of Irish music. My father also led the Tulla Céilí Band for most of his adult life.

From the very beginning I loved this music and was eager to play. I got my first fiddle when I was seven and the slow process of imitation and absorption began in our kitchen with my Father as my teacher.

- Martin Hayes

Child Prodigy

Martin’s talent was recognised from a young age. At age 13, he won the All Ireland Fiddle Competition. This was but the first of many awards he was to receive throughout his life. Hayes was crowned an All Ireland Champion a grand total of six times — a huge achievement for any musician.

In 2000, he was awarded the prestigious Instrumentalist of the Year at the BBC Radio 2 Folk Awards. He is also a recipient of both the coveted TG4 Gradam Ceoil award for Traditional Musician of the Year and RTÉ Radio 1 Folk Instrumentalist of the Year. In November 2019 he was awarded an honorary doctorate by National University of Ireland Galway in recognition of his contribution to the traditional arts.

While Martin Hayes is one of the most decorated traditional Irish fiddle players in the world, his music and playing style have not always received such high praise.

Angering the Purists

Today Martin Hayes’ soulful interpretations of traditional Irish tunes are recognised and celebrated the world over. This was not always the case however.

Hayes has faced criticism over the years, particularly in his early career, from Irish musicians who claimed his unique style is not representative of traditional Irish music. I for one have never agreed with this claim. (To be honest, trad purists will claim this about anything that’s the least bit innovative or outside the box.)

Hayes himself has always been well aware of this quiet judgment. Despite his successful music career, it wasn’t until he won the TG4 Gradam Ceoil in 2008 that he truly felt accepted by the tradition from which he came:

To me, it’s recognition from inside the world of the music itself, which I haven’t had in a long time. That vote of approval from the inner sanctum of the music is a very nice thing; it gives you a bit of strength going on.

- Martin Hayes

So what is it about his playing that so angered the gatekeepers of traditional Irish music?

What Was the Cause of all the Fuss?

Martin Hayes’ fiddle playing style is characterised by his unique laid back approach to the music. While he’s fully capable of playing tunes at a rip roaring pace (and occasionally does), more often than not, he chooses to drastically slow the tempo of the tunes he plays.

Why does he do this?

When you slow down a tune, you remove a lot of the rhythmic components on which traditional Irish music relies. Instead, the melody becomes the focus. This approach allowed the melody to shine through, taking pride of place. Suddenly, these simple melodies take on new shape and meaning:

While I can understand how it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, there’s no denying that Martin Hayes’ playing style comes from a place of great reverence for the music. His love for the tradition is evident in each note he plays. Never before has traditional Irish music been treated with such care.

Each note is carefully selected and played with the utmost sincerity. This is a man who respects his roots and wants to showcase the beauty of traditional Irish music:

In the learning process the dominant message always coming to me from my father and lots of the finest musicians of county Clare was their idea that music must first express feeling. In their opinion no amount of technical prowess could compensate for an absence of soulfulness.

I wasn’t content to simply imitate and reproduce, I needed to decipher the deeper musical aspirations of the older musicians. I needed to get to the heart of this music.

- Martin Hayes

Slow is Sometimes Better than Fast

Martin’s unique approach to Irish music has struck a chord with many.

In his music there is a sense of space and openness. The tunes he plays resonate differently than they would if played at a faster tempo. He allows the listener to engage with the melody, drawing them in with his haunting, soulful expression.

Hayes particularly excels at taking often overlooked tunes that people may dismiss as overly simplistic and giving them a new lease of life:

The melodies are sometimes deceptively simple but almost always beautiful and the rhythm is both understated and entrancing… My goal is to fully reveal the beauty and meaning of these tunes… My playing is focused on allowing the fullest expression of the melody.

The great genius of Irish music is therefore contained within the melody itself.

- Martin Hayes

One of my favourite tracks comes from Martin’s self titled debut album. Britches is his take on one of the best known Irish polkas in existence, The Britches Full of Stitches. Here, Hayes applies his signature touch, slowing the tune right down and exploring the melody and all it has to offer.

What emerges is a beautiful almost melancholy melody. The tune loses its polka feel, taking on a different persona entirely. It doesn’t lose any of its life or vitality however. Why not have a listen for yourself and see what your opinion is?

How to Play Like Martin Hayes

As you’ve probably noticed by now, Martin Hayes uses an awful lot of elongated sliding notes in his playing. These emphasised notes are also usually flattened slightly, sitting just below where the note should be pitched. This creates a vaguely minor tonality, adding an edgy quality to the tune. This stylistic feature has become synonymous with Martin’s playing.

Another distinctive aspect of Martin’s playing that is simple to emulate is the space he creates in tunes. He simply plays fewer notes. He lengthens the important structural notes within a melodic phrase and allows them to ring out. His melodies are never busy and he never overcrowds his playing with too many embellishments.

To truly learn how to emulate Martin’s iconic style however, why not learn from the master himself?

Learn a Tune by Playing Along with Hayes

Allow Hayes to teach you a tune on the fiddle as he takes you step by step through the traditional teaching method his own father taught him.

Possibly the Best Trad Music Partnership Ever

While it’s tough to choose a favourite (each of his albums is a gem), Martin’s 1997 collaboration with American guitarist Dennis Cahill definitely holds a special place in my heart.

Aptly titled, The Lonesome Touch might just be the best description I’ve ever heard for Martin’s own playing style. This album is a brilliant collaboration between two master musicians. I would argue it’s one of the best matched duets to ever exist.

Hayes’ and Cahill’s playing styles and sense of musicality perfectly complement one another. Like Hayes, Dennis Cahill plays just the right amount of notes. Nothing is ever too much. The care and focus with which he plays is evident throughout the album.

The Lonesome Touch offers twelve stunning tracks, each excelling in its own way. As on Martin’s solo albums, entire tracks are devoted to just one tune, rather than arranging them into selections (as is the norm).

The Kerfunken Jig is one such tune given this magical treatment. Played at half the speed one would expect to hear it performed at a session, this once ordinary jig is transformed. It takes on new life and a completely different energy. The tune is repeated with slight melodic variations and embellishments each time. Nothing complicated, yet the tune really sings:

Not all of Haye’s playing is quite so subdued however. This album also contains one of favourite renditions of the iconic reel, The Bucks of Oranmore. While still played at a slightly slower pace than usual, this version certainly isn’t lacking in drive or energy.

In this track you can hear that Hayes is not only a master of melody but also of his instrument. His performance, accompanied by Cahill’s flawless rhythmic guitar backing, is technically brilliant. A true lesson in virtuoso fiddle playing!

The Gloaming: A Worldwide Sensation

Once one knows the true essence of this music it is possible to absorb influences from almost anywhere and not alter the fundamental message of the tune… My collaborations with musicians of all backgrounds begins with the melody, with its universal appeal, its joy…

- Martin Hayes

Martin Hayes has collaborated with some of the greatest musicians in the world. His partnership with the outstanding Dennis Cahill was so powerful however that they decided to add a little more fire to the mix.

In 2011, Hayes formed the iconic ensemble, The Gloaming. In addition to Hayes and Cahill its members include sean nós singer Iarla Ó Lionárd, fiddle player Caoimhín Ó Raghallaigh and pianist Thomas Bartlett. This all star lineup is a veritable who’s who of some of the greatest musicians not only in the world of traditional Irish music, but further afield.

While differing in so many ways, the members of The Gloaming all share a common thread in their exquisite musicality and their expressive approach to the music. The music they create together is haunting and tender. They extract the hidden beauty of each tune and song they perform. Their signature melancholy undertones succeed in bringing the listener on an emotional journey.

In 2014, the group won the Meteor Choice Music Prize for Irish Album of the Year. The innovative ensemble have continued to go from strength to strength, gaining further accolades along the way.

The iconic track Samhradh Samhradh is probably their most celebrated and it’s not difficult to hear why. This traditional Irish folk song is a celebration of the summer months. In The Gloaming’s hands however, it takes on a pensive, reflective mood. It perfectly evokes a sense of longing for the lost season and all that has gone with it. A true masterpiece:

Follow in Hayes’ Footsteps

If you’re not already a fiddle player and you’re feeling inspired by the magical fiddle playing of this legend, you might consider giving it a go yourself. It’s never too late to take up a new instrument and start learning traditional Irish music. Our Irish Fiddle Store has a wide range of fiddles and violins to suit all levels.

If you’re looking to take your playing to the next level, perhaps a new fiddle might be just what you need. The McNeela Maestro Violin will help transform you into a musical virtuoso in no time.

For more inspiration from some of the greatest fiddle players of our time, why not check out my blog post: Modern Day Traditional Irish Music Legends — Mairéad Ní Mhaonaigh.

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