#pein x konan

[coycorry]

Naruto x Barbie crossover

because apparently amegakure trio fits into barbie world too well.

honestly, I feel like Yahiko could be the person who calls his place «mojo dojo casa house» NOT ironically. and also he’s Konan’s simp, and she’s 10/10 goddess herself that should save her barbie world with a power of matriarchy, so…

also If someone wants to discuss Yahiko’s moment of climax, where he’s singing the song «I’m just Ken Pein» under the falling rain just SAY ONE WORD-

[cosmic-glow]

Request: "May I request soft akatsuki headcannons for a reader who loves to bake and cook? It's a passion of mine, and a great stress reliever! There's nothing I won't try and try to make!"

Notes: First of all, I'm sorry it took me so long to respond 😭 I also like cooking and I completely agree with you! I hope you like what I wrote, good reading!

"Are you hungry, love?"- Akatsuki

Warnings: no pronouns; no use of "y/n"; pure cuteness. Gender: Soft Headcanons. Characters: Itachi; Kisame; Deidara; Sasori; Kakuzu; Hidan; Zetsu; Tobi/Obito; Pein; Konan.

Itachi Uchiha

He always offers you help in the kitchen.

He is very picky when cooking for someone but is easily satisfied with whatever you cook for him.

He feels obligated to return the favor by cooking for you too. That's why he took charge of breakfast, always waking up before you to prepare what you like.

Likes hot foods and pasta. Loves handmade sweets.

He prefers traditional foods, but accepts trying new flavors when he's with you.

He loves going out to buy new ingredients with you, he knows a lot about the subject and would be of great help.

Kisame Hoshigaki

You know that popular saying that the best way to conquer a man is through his stomach? It applies very well to this man.

He likes to be spoiled with food and will be grateful for it so.. please cook for him.

His heart feels warm when he comes home and smells something delicious you are preparing.

He likes foods with a sweet and sour taste, and he loves meat. He also loves sweets, so it's not hard to please Kisame.

He loves trying new flavors with you. If you want, he'll even help you in the kitchen, but he's not very good (he's a bit clumsy).

He'll find a way to say thank you, whether it's washing the dishes, giving gifts, taking you out to eat, all of the above, whatever you prefer.

He's the kind of guy who would eat what you prepared even if it was completely burnt if he knew you put effort into it.

Deidara

He likes fast food, but is very happy when you cook for him.

Thanks to you, he's starting to eat more healthily, because he has a childish palate and is very resistant to exploring new flavors.

He likes spicy foods because are like an explosion in the mouth.

"I have to say, honey, your cooking is an art!" - he says with his mouth full when he really likes it.

One of his favorite moments of the day is when you're eating something you've prepared or he's bought, watching a movie and talking about anything.

It's something very simple, but if you make a cake just for him on his birthday, he'll feel so loved that he might even cry a little.

(Sometimes he brags to the other members about having such a skilled s/o in the kitchen).

But please keep this boy the hell away from the kitchen! When I say he's a complete chaos cooking, it's because the kitchen almost always explodes! Literally!

Sasori

He often forgets that he still needs to eat due to his puppet body, so he's grateful that you remind him. He still needs to eat a little every now and then to ensure a bit of vital energy or something.

And yes, that was the lie he invented to not disappoint you. And regardless of whether you believed it or not, he always eats your food, even though he knows how much work it will take to clean his insides afterwards (don't worry, he'll probably come up with something to solve this).

Understand, he lied because he knows how important cooking is to you, he sees how much you work at it, but had the misfortune of being with a guy who doesn't need to eat… but he couldn't risk hurting you for something that's his fault.

Sasori only eats your food and no one else's, no matter how much they insist.

He likes foods with strong spices, he no longer feels flavors in the same way as when he was a human.

At the end of every meal, he politely thanks you for the delicious food and offers to help with the dishes.

Kakuzu

He likes hot, very hot, and traditional foods. Doesn't like sweets.

He's great in the kitchen and sometimes cooks for you too, as a thank you. Kakuzu has many years of experience in the kitchen, take the opportunity to ask questions and get some tips, he may not show it but he really likes to help you.

Maybe you don't know, but Kakuzu practically never eats out, he knows that some people want him dead and could easily poison his food. So for him to eat everything you prepare without hesitation is really a great show of trust.

He is very silent while eating, but he doesn't mind if you want to talk about your day, he will be listening to every part.

He really appreciates your food, getting involved and asking about the spices you used, how you prepared it, he really likes it when you test a new recipe.

Always at the end of every meal he thanks you for the food and gets up before you to clear the table and wash the dishes, a silent way of thanking you.

Hidan

Spicy and crunchy foods and sour desserts, it's true heaven for him...

As incredible as it may seem, Hidan is very picky about his food, it's unbearable to go out to eat with him, it seems like he always makes a point of finding some flaw.

But it's the total opposite with you, he eats everything you prepare without complaining too much, just teasing you a little as always. Except if he is angry with you for some reason, then he will be impossible, no matter what you prepared, he will not eat it.

Hidan has a very annoying childhood palate, so don't force him to eat something he doesn't really like, like vegetables for example.

You'll probably have some arguments about him drink any kind of blood but not wanting to eat the soup you made (for example), but it won't change anything.

Whenever you enter the kitchen, Hidan follows right behind to find out what you're going to prepare and also because he loves to annoy you while you're cooking. He tickles you, bites you, hugs you, kisses you and even steals some utensils to disturb you before you kick him out of the kitchen.

Zetsu

He likes meat a lot, in fact you thought it was the only thing he could eat.

He is very impatient and even hugs you trying to convince you to let him eat before you finish.

"I don't care that it's not ready yet and it's raw, I'm hungry, love. Let me eat it just the way it is."

Not a very good critic of your recipes, he will eat literally anything you put in front of him and thank you for it.

You are the one who teaches him to have a more refined palate and he loves trying new flavors with you.

Zetsu grows a vegetable garden just for you, with everything you need fresh and tasty for your recipes.

Tobi/Obito Uchiha

Tobi >loves< sweets, make sweets for him and you'll have him curled up in the palm of your hand.

Both Tobi and Obito don't like spicy food.

He feels so loved when you cook for him <3 (a tip: prepare ramen for him when he's sad, it'll make him feel better).

Whenever he comes home early he brings you some sweets he bought at the bakery as a treat.

This is another man who is very easy to win over with his stomach. He'll feel very special if you tell him you've prepared something just for him. Make him your guinea pig for new recipes, he really doesn't mind and always gives you great feedback.

He always offers you the first bite out of respect, he is as happy to see you eating and talking about how tasty it is as he is to eat something you prepared.

Pein

Pein went through long periods of starvation as a child, so as much as it may seem, he isn't very picky about what he eats.

Likes hot and spicy foods. Hate sweets.

He is a great fan of your food, even if you've accidentally burnt it or overdone the seasoning, he'll be happy to eat something you've lovingly prepared.

Due to his work as leader of Akatsuki, he often forgets to eat properly. It's you who show up at his office and remind him to eat, with something you've prepared in hand, he's really grateful for your care.

He is always attentive to your needs. Did you like a cuter utensil kit than the ones you have? Are your. Wanting new seasonings? Suddenly they appear in your pantry. Everything you need.

Pein always makes it clear how he likes you to cook but that he doesn't want you to be overwhelmed with it, so he does everything to make this task easier for you, including ordering something from restaurants for you to eat and enjoy your free time together.

Konan

He likes mild sweets and, ironically, spicy foods. (Please make sweets for Konan, she likes a lot).

She will always feel like she is bothering or burdening you when you cook for her.

Konan isn't that good in the kitchen, so she's grateful to have a s/o who cooks so well. Sometimes she watches you cook to try to learn something, in an attempt to return the favor one day.

Buy a lot of sweets for you and make a point of always keeping your pantry well stocked so you don't have to worry about buying ingredients.

As I said, Konan doesn't like to burden you, so very often she takes you on restaurant dates.

Konan loves the culinary tours you plan, she could listen to you talk for hours about techniques, recipes and ideas. She loves seeing how excited you get talking about it.

Sorry for any typos;

Buy me a coffee?

Masterlist

[cherubfae]

𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢 𝔯𝔦𝔳𝔞𝔩 || {𝔞𝔨𝔞𝔱𝔰𝔲𝔨𝔦}

They're now realizing what a mistake it was to introduce you to the group, now they have competition with their own teammate.

tags: former ninja!reader, gn! civilian reader, established relationships, threats, violence, protective!akatsuki, slightly suggestive in Sasori's || MINORS DONT INTERACT

Pain

He knows that Konan is harmless and she's not the sort of disrespectful person to go sniffing about where she doesn't belong, especially where he and his partner are concerned. Pain, however, cannot tolerate the lingering touches Konan gives you as she passes by. Her hand brushing yours, guiding you with an arm around your shoulders, and blushing at you. He feels a warning is warranted.

"You are my dear friend, Konan, I have known you many years, but this simply won't do. You are better than how you are acting. Be respectful and leave them alone, and I won't need to inflict pain upon you."

Konan

Oh, well isn't this troublesome. Konan isn't the type to make idle threats, but Pain is her commander and leader. That would not be a wise decision on her part, but she does trust her long-time friend to be somewhat respectful and not place you in any situation where you would be uncomfortable. She's not above putting her foot down if she really must.

"Sir, with all due respect, my partner isn't interested and we would both appreciate you to mind your manners."

Obito

You are his everything. He would destroy the entire world for you. Level mountains, tame seas, there isn't anything he wouldn't do as long as it's within his power. He's pretty surprised that Zetsu even took a liking to you, as he's not one that's expressed interest in most anything other than his eating habits.

"Surely Zetsu is mistaken. My partner isn't a corpse for you to munch on you, nor are they yours for the taking. Keep your distance and I won't have to bloody you up too much."

Zetsu

As with anything, both sides of him are at a near constant quarrel with each other. His light side trying to reassure his darker side that Tobi is harmless and doesn't mean anything malicious by taking interest in you.

"Tobi is a good boy, he means no harm." "His harm is his unwarranted interest in our beloved partner. Fool! You have no sense, do you?"

Hidan

Honestly he could laugh so hard he may undo the stitches in his neck. That old fucker wants his partner?? Is he actually serious?

"Haha! That's fucking rich! You've gotta be at least one-hundred by now, huh? Fuck off, geezer! They're not yours!"

Kakuzu

Clearly decapitating Hidan over and over doesn't make him talk any less. Neither does stabbing him-- but it sure does take the edge off. Kakuzu would rather not deal with the younger man's insufferable stubbornness. You are his lover, his alone, and Hidan had no chance in whatever the fuck kind of afterlife his mighty lord Jashin provides. None. Fuck off, Hidan.

"As if they'd want someone as lowly as you. You don't even pay for your own shit. Remember your place or I won't hesitate to remove you from this world permanently. One swipe and your head will be freed from your miserable shoulders. I'm sure all sorts of insects would love to burrow inside of that hollow space."

Itachi

For a moment he's reminded of Sasuke's little schoolboy crush on you, except Kisame isn't Sasuke. He is a grown adult capable of getting in the way of Itachi's livelihood. Threatening the sanctity of his relationship. He's unlikely to do much other than step in if he crosses any boundaries or makes you uncomfortable. So until something is said, it's just this weird, heavy atmosphere. Kisame starts to speak but Itachi cuts him off immediately.

"Keep their name out of your mouth, Kisame. I won't warn you again."

Kisame

Oftentimes he wonders how lonely Itachi is. He annihilated his entire clan save for his younger brother in a single night. He took away everything he loved and for what? He can appreciate Itachi's past but Kisame doesn't take too kindly to the eldest Uchiha brother being a bit too welcoming and protective of his partner.

"Itachi, a word of advice. Don't shit where you eat. And keep your nose out of other's relationships. You're a good, respectable man and I appreciate your concern in my partner's well-being. Let me handle it from here."

Sasori

There's still the age-old artistic view difference between the two: eternal art vs shortlived art. One could argue both have their merits, but even after all these years it was a sore subject between the blonde and redhead duo. And now you were thrown into the mix.

"If you truly think you're so superior to me, Deidara, then perhaps you'd be more open to what a waste your art truly is. My partner prefers eternal, long-lasting, but there's nothing long nor lasting about, is there?"

Deidara

This was great. Jusssst great. Sasori had been hanging around his area of the hideout more and for what, Deidara wasn't sure. Until he recalled that you had been given special permission to visit from Pain himself. You'd forsaken your village long ago and clearly had no interest in reporting them, so it was allowed. Sasori had begun skulking about ever since and the blonde could guess why he might be drawn to you.

"If you even think about turning my partner into a fuckin' puppet, I won't hesitate to kill you, Sasori. No matter which way I go about it, you'll end up in splinters. So, I repeat. Stay the fuck away from them, hmm."

|| ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏꜱᴛ, ʀᴇᴜꜱᴇ, ᴏʀ ᴇᴅɪᴛ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ ɪɴ ᴀɴʏ ᴡᴀʏ! ɪ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴘᴇʀᴍɪꜱꜱɪᴏɴ. ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴʟʏ ꜱɪᴛᴇ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ɪ ᴘᴏꜱᴛ. ᴀʟʟ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀꜱ ʙᴇʟᴏɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ʀɪɢʜᴛꜰᴜʟ ᴏᴡɴᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ ʙᴇʟᴏɴɢꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ © ᴄʜᴇʀᴜʙꜰᴀᴇ 2024 ||

[jellyfishoof]

Random Headcanons of Akatsuki on whether I think they're a drinker or a smoker

𝔓𝔞𝔦𝔫 ~ smoker (mainly)

I would assume that he would be the type to smoke. Now as to what exactly, I see him as the type to hit a bong, maybe even a hookah….maybe tho. I could also see him as someone who drinks, but would only drink a bottle and nothing more than that.

𝔎𝔬𝔫𝔞𝔫 ~ drinker

I see her as the type to mainly intake alcohol. Soft drinks, cocktails, and wine are all alcohol beverages that she would drink. If she wants to be a bit more moderate with her intake of alcohol, she’ll drink a mojito or piña colada. However, when she wants to wash down her stress she’ll gulp down a bottle of Château Lafite Rothschil.

𝔒𝔟𝔦𝔱𝔬 ~ heavy drinker

Alright, I'm sure we all know why :(

Its mainly because of Rin. He fr can't get over her loss. I meannn its the whole reason why some some unfortunate events take place. So to no ones surprise, he would drink to the point of blacking out. Any type of drink will do. Anything that will get him drunk enough to forget a bit about the pain of losing her.

ℑ𝔱𝔞𝔠𝔥𝔦 ~ drinker

I see him as the type to drink sake. And only drinking the finest sake at that. Trying to keep things traditional and shit like that. I guess its the Uchiha in him wanting to maintain tradition by indulging in his culture.

𝔎𝔦𝔰𝔞𝔪𝔢 ~ drinker (sometimes)

He drinks sometimes not often. I feel like he complains about how the alcohol dries up his mouth a lot, so he won't drink as often. He’ll probably only drink when offered. Otherwise, he would prefer water over anything.

𝔎𝔞𝔨𝔲𝔷𝔲 - a little bit of both

Dealing with Hidan all the time, I can see him smoking a blunt and trying to get high enough that he can drown out Hidan’s constant bickering. Same with drinking, he would drink a lot but not to the point of passing out drunk. He still gotta focus on chasing that bag, but wants to do it without dealing with Hidan’s moaning and bitching.

ℌ𝔦𝔡𝔞𝔫 ~ definitely both

Hardcore drinker and smoker. Will for sure drink vodka on a mundane Wednesday afternoon. Does not care when, what or where; he just needs something to stimulate him. And when drinking or smoking isn't enough he’ll resort to cocaine and other measures to be at that right state of mind.

𝔇𝔢𝔦𝔡𝔞𝔯𝔞 ~ both

Being young and all I see him trying to experiment with drugs, though not as hardcore like Hidan. He would stick with smoking and drinking, but would most likely be excessive with it. He for sure would be a pothead and will have a smoking sesh with Pain. I see him as the type to also make his own drinks by mixing random shit.

𝔖𝔞𝔰𝔬𝔯𝔦 ~ neither

He's basically a puppet. And I think its been said that he doesn't eat or drink either for that same reason. Though, if he wasn't a puppet, I would say that he'd be a casual drinker like Konan, possibly even like Kisame in that he'd only drink when offered.

[ladykissingfish]

*Nagato walks into the living room with his cane*

Nagato: Gentlemen. I’m in need of some assistance.

Hidan: *pulling out his scythe* Who do we gotta kill?

Nagato: No, no; nothing like that. 

Kisame: Are you in need of help returning to your room?

Deidara: Oi, Tobi! Get in here; there’s an old guy that needs help walking!

*Tobi races into the room*

Tobi, half-slipping into Obito voice: C’mon leader! I’ll help ya get to your room and I’ll tuck you into bed nice and safe, Grandpa! *goes to put his arm under Nagato’s elbow*

Nagato: Stop that! For God’s sake, I’m not an old man! I’m only thirty-five!!

Itachi: … Seriously? If you’re an indication of how those with special eyes age, my future isn’t looking too good …

Nagato: I should dock all of your pay for this, but I won’t. Listen, I’ve finally done it. I’ve convinced Konan to go on a real date with me. And I’d like to look my very best for tonight. So —

Deidara: First of all, we need to do something about your hair, hm. *takes a few strands of Nagato’s hair between his fingers, and then wipes his hands on his pants* Amazing how something can be dry as fuck and greasy as hell at the same time …

Hidan: Need to do something about your skin, too. I had a damn corpse out in the yard for three days that had better color than you …

Itachi: And your wardrobe needs some help. You may claim you’re only thirty-five but you dress like you’re eighty-five. Hang on, I have something that might fit you if I take it in a couple of inches …

Deidara: Me and Hidan will get stuff ready for you too!

Tobi: What if things go farther tonight, Leader? How’s your … special area, looking? Should we try and trim a little so Konan isn’t freaked out by a smelly red forest?

Itachi: Honestly, probably a white one …

Hidan: Don’t worry, Leader! We’ll have ya looking like a human being in no time!

*everyone leaves*

Nagato:

Nagato: That’s it, they’re all fired.

[naruto-imagines-and-headcanons]

Naruto Love Languages (Akatsuki)

Pein/Nagato - Physical Touch

Nagato struggles with his public image and personal image. When he is around others he is a god, a highly power who will bring peace. He is held to such a high standard and that comes with a lot of pressure. Inside he feels like just another person, but knows he has to keep up the persona to execute his plan. When you join him in public he boosts you up as his equal, an equal god to rule with him. But when you two get away from others and back into solitude, Nagato just collapses into your arms and wants to stay there all day. Sure he was tons of paperwork to do, but god dammit have you see the state his body is in? He deserves ONE day off. Loves it when you let him lay down on your lap and you play with his hair. While he is definitely more touchy in private, you do notice that in public he will quietly snake his hand into yours and not let go the whole meeting

Konan - Gift Giving

Konan is stoic but very sweet. She's been hurt quite a bit and is afraid to reach out again. Even when dating you for awhile she occasionally catches herself getting comfortable and retreats a bit. You know she means well and understand her struggles, but it does get sad sometimes. Something that doesn't go away though is her gifts to you. Konan loves to make origami for you, and larger paper creations as well. Your favorite animals, your favorite anime characters, she even makes statues of you two together. Seeing your smile when you recieve these makes her heart soar. Giving you gifts is her one way to confidently express her love, and will bring out the most genuine smiles she ever gives

Itachi Uchiha - Acts of Service

Itachi has some issues showing his emotions more directly. He's a man of few words. But what he doesn't say in words he says in actions. He adores taking care of you. He misses taking care of a younger sibling, or just family in general, it makes him feel important. So caring for you feels just as good, even better since you guys get to kiss and cuddle and stuff. Itachi will always be cooking meals for you and picking up around the house. If you ever get sick this man will be at your side the whole time, I'm talking fresh soup and blankets. Sure he may be a full time Akatsuki member, but with you he's like a housewife. And he wouldn't have it any other way!

Kisame Hoshigaki - Quality Time

Kisame is the definition of loyalty. He is already loyal to his friends and teammates, but to you he is unwavering. He'll never lie to you, sell you out, cheat on you, nothing. You're the only one for him. You're so special and are so interesting to him. Spending time with you is bliss for him, even when you just sit around and casually chat. Kisame could listen to your voice and stare at your beautiful face for hours on end. You'll often find him just staring at you smiling sweetly (much to your embarrassment). He'll back off if you tell him to, but will be back at it the next day

Sasori - Quality Time

Sasori values eternity over everything, that's why he turned himself into a puppet. The passage of time won't affect him, and he doesn't want it to affect your relationship either. He's not big on talking or touching, it's more just existing with you that makes him happy. Whenever he works on his puppets he likes to have you in his studio doing your own thing (with the occasional small talk if you catch him on a good day). Sasori thinks in the long term as well, not worrying if you guys just spend a day doing nothing. You have years and years ahead of you, you can spend a day just doing nothing and relaxing. Just be aware he will consistantly try to convince you to become a puppet so you guys can really live for eternity forever

Deidara - Gift Giving

When you and Deidara started dating, he definitely was showing off awkwardly. I'm talking bragging about his achievements, hyping up his fighting skills, stuff like that. He's lucky he's cute cause he could kinda be insufferable lol. But once he got comfortable around you he mellowed out a lot. More genuine conversations, wider range of emotions and vulnerability, and more confident touches as well. Now he can hold your hand without freaking out. Deidara adores giving you gifts most of all though. His art is obviously the best, and you're the best, so you are worthy of it! His gifts range from tiny little birds that tweet your favorite song before poofing into smoke, or a whole giant dragon doing a show and exploding into colorful fireworks. All of Deidara's creations have tons of time and effort put into them to make sure they are the highest quality for you. Everytime there is a new surprise in his clay, and you look forward to it every day

Hidan - Physical Touch

...Are you surprised? Come on let's be real here. Hidan appreciates the more sinful things in life, and that includes your body. He's kind of a douchebag and you each piss each other off alot, but he DOES care for you. He wouldn't want any other partner, you're his favorite little shit and he couldn't dream of losing you. Not to mention this man worships your body. Everything about you is just perfectly carved by Jashin just for him. Pretty much anything you do will turn him on, you're just that sexy to him. Hidan has no shame and will actively start making out and feeling you up in public. Why should he have to wait to get home to ravish you, you look so good right here right now! And he isn't ashamed to show the world how much he loves you, fuck them all. If you manage to hold him off till you get home, the moment you walk in the door he is throwing you over his shoulder and parading to the bedroom

Kakuzu - Quality Time

Kakuzu isn't the most... romantic person in the world. He's a bit difficult to deal with, even in a relationship. Sometimes you wonder why you fell for this guy in the first place. But then he'll ask you to stay with him while he counts money and talk. The whole time he is attentive and engaged, surprising you with his sincerity. He likes to have you around him a lot and will sometimes drag you into the same room as him with no words. Just sit next to him and he's satisfied. Kakuzu is also protective of you more than anyone in his life. Most people he gives no shits about, just ask his previous teammates. But you don't annoy him as much and he found himself genuinely caring for you. So in return he will kill anyone who dares to threaten or hurt you. News flash though, you will always play second fiddle to money

Tobi/Obito - Words of Affirmation

Either persona he chooses uses words to show his affection, just in drastically different ways. As Tobi, he is waaaaaaay more open and extravagent about it. He is gushing about you all the time in front of everyone, constantly bragging about you during meetings, he will not shut the fuck up. The world will KNOW how cool and funny and hot you are. But when he is back to regular Obito, he definitely calms down. He is still very affectionate and vocal, but in a more private way. He saves this sincerity for alone time and very rare outings. These times he feels open to be vulnerable with you and enjoys telling you all the things he holds inside. So no matter what side of Obito you have, you are gonna be treated like a national treasure (Oh but uh, another problem with Tobi is that uh... nothing you guys do will be private. Everything is gonna be broadcasted to the rest of the Akatsuki, so get used to the group knowing what color panties you were wearing)

----------

Konoha 12 + Sand Siblings | Shinobi & Founders | Akatsuki

[yowyowyaoi]

*at an Akatsuki meeting*

Pein: Alright, guys; as you know we’ve been having some severe financial problems lately.

Kakuzu: More than severe; we’re practically bankrupt.

Pein: Right. So, Konan had an idea that may help us generate some money. Konan?

Konan: Thank you, Pein. As some of you may be aware, body pillows are the latest trend these days. Not just any body pillows, but ones with pictures on them that the buyer finds to be “attractive”. Based on a recent poll, it’s been determined that Deidara, Itachi and Hidan are deemed the most attractive persons in this group, so —

Zetsu: What are you talking about? When I took that poll, YOU beat out all three of those guys by thousands of votes…

Konan: Oi, you’re not using MY image on something some perverted old man is going to buy and do terrible things to!

Konan: But anyways … *brings out the prototypes of the three boys’ pillows* This is what we’re going to be selling. Kakuzu has launched a website and —

Hidan: *grabbing his pillow* Holy shit I look fucking HOT!! Hey, ‘Kuzu … you want one for your room?

Kakuzu: And give myself nightmares? Pass.

Itachi: I … I’m not so sure I’m comfortable with my image being used for such a thing … but I suppose I’m grateful that in spite of my health issues I’m still found to be physically desirable.

Deidara: Oi … why am I shirtless?! Nobody wants to see the weird mouth on my chest, hm! I —

Kakuzu, on his laptop: The Deidara pillow just sold out.

Konan: W-what?? But we just launched the website and he had over 5,000 units! What the —

Tobi: That’s great, Senpai! Er, unrelated question but, Kakuzu-san … what do you do when you max out three credit cards at once?

Kakuzu:

Kisame: T-Tobi, did you —

Tobi, in Obito voice: Don’t you dare judge me, shark-boy. I’ve wanted this man for a year, and if THIS is the only way I get to cuddle him while I sleep, then so be it.

Deidara:

Everyone else:

[smh-yoon]

akatsuki - fucking you dumb

a/n: if you didn't know, i have an akatsuki bf/gf scenario book on wattpad and i was writing something for pein today that got a little spicy, so i had to bring it here. this will include all nine members, not including orochimaru.

pairings: pein, konan, hidan, kakuzu, deidara, sasori, obito, kisame, itachi x fem! reader

genre: smut; fem! on fem!, male! on fem!

warnings: dirty dirty talk!! (praise and degrading), swearing, creampie, fingering, giving head - male and fem receiving, exhibitionism, threesome, possessiveness, choking, toxic behavior (obito), tentacles, spitting, manhandling?, pool sex ofc

enjoy ;)

PEIN

the cold wood of the desk brushed against your nipples with every thrust of pein's hard cock into your cunt, adding to the buildup of your approaching orgasm.

he had your hands locked behind your back, using them to tug you backwards onto his leaking dick as he threw his head back. the best part about him being such a skilled shinobi is that he had plenty of stamina.

slick was dripping down your thighs, and he'd already fucked you through your first orgasm. his fingers were pressing hard against your skin where he was gripping you, jaw clenching as he felt his own climax approach.

suddenly he was pressing you down against the desk, arching your back with one hand and setting an all new pace as he drilled into you. in moments, you were gushing around him, nearly screaming as he brushed you g-spot until he was pumping his load into you, cum dripping down your shaking thighs.

KONAN

konan's bare breasts were pressed against your back, nipples hard against your skin as she fingered you from behind.

she was determined to make you squirt for the third time today, tears already dripping down your cheeks as you jerked from the sensitivity of your aching cunt. you couldn't help arching into her hand, desperately seeking your orgasm.

the sheets under you were soaked in your cum, and konan's fingers were sticky with your slick from fingering you non stop. her other hand reached around your stomach as she began thrusting her fingers faster.

the other hand flicked at your clit, circling and pressing hard as you sobbed in pleasure. you came again, crying out as the intense sensation made you eyes roll back.

HIDAN

hidan's obnoxious laugh made you want to cry, choking on kakuzu's cock in your mouth and he fucked you harder from behind. he was so sure you were into kakuzu enough that he invited him into a threesome, not the kakuzu minded.

his fingers threaded through your hair, the tugging making your eyes rolling back as you swallowed around his thick cock. "just like that slut. couldn't live with just one cock fuckin' you, huh? had to have two."

your jaw went slack as hidan kept up his bruising pace, paying no mind to the increasing volume of the hums you could get out around kakuzu. hidan's voice reached your ears in the haze of the moment.

"gonna cum in you, then watch kuzu fuck my cum back into your cunt. show him how good you take it whore."

KAKUZU

kakuzu was still counting money in the corner of the room, paying no mind to you as you writhed on the bed, bound by long tendrils stretching from his form. two skinnier ones alternated thrusting into your pussy, another flicking your clit.

this was your punishment, for forgetting to pick up one of his bounties. no big deal, he could always get some other quick cash, but there was no way he was letting you off easy.

"kakuzu.. please!" you were so close to the edge it hurt, but he never let you cum. not for the past half hour you'd been tied with your hands above your head.

his eyes flicked lazily to you, gaze dark as a smirk slid onto his face. with a chuckled he sent another tendril your way, watching it slide around your neck.

"shut up, i have to restart now."

DEIDARA

long blonde hair brushed against your shoulders as your eyes rolled back, deidara's hand on your shoulder holding you up as he pushed his cock past your walls.

he'd made a bet with hidan that he could fuck you till you cried, and he was sure to deliver. you were in tears after the first orgasm, after he ate your pussy out the way he knew best. and another bet later, now he was determined to fuck you till he couldn't cum anymore.

hidan was sitting directly in front of you at the edge of bed in his own chair, cock pulled out of his pants, leaking from the tip. he'd been barking orders all night, telling deidara where to touch, cum, how to fuck you and your mouth properly. if you didn't hate hidan so much, you might've thanked him for the advice, because you were getting your brains fucked out.

he stood from his spot, coming close and grabbing your jaw roughly, watching you gaze up at him through hazy eyes. then he was spitting into your open mouth, watching you flinch and moan and deidara fucked you faster as he sat back down and enjoyed the show.

SASORI

sasori was quick to attach as many strings as he wanted to your limbs, controlling you just the way he wanted, his own personal fuck doll. he'd watched you finger yourself, fuck yourself with whichever synthetic cock he chose, and now he was watching you choke down his own.

he had all the power, and he knew it got you off too. never having to worry that pretty, empty head about having to do any work. he might as well keep you with his other puppets, if that's all you were good for.

a groan left his mouth as you choked around him, swallowing and moaning at the way he filled your throat.

when he looked back down at you, one of his puppets leaning against the wall caught his attention. his newest, and by far the biggest he'd built. he rung his fingers in your hair and pulled you off his cock, petting your face as you gasped for air.

"get up. we're doing something new."

OBITO

"what the fuck were you doing? huh? think you can run off to some other man?"

you were sobbing into the pillows, back aching as obito pounded into you. it hurt, so so good. he was using you however he wanted, you were his stress relief, but that didn't mean you could get away with whoring yourself out to the akatsuki. not that you actually did, he was just a jealous freak when it came to you.

he reached around your shoulders and leaned down, sweaty chest pressed against your back as he got close to your ear, nearly growling as he spoke.

"you remember no one will ever fuck you like this. you're fucking mine."

KISAME

one of kisame's ultimate fantasies was to let him hunt you down in the water, a predator-prey type situation. you always worried he'd take it too far, maybe hurt you, accidentally drown you. as his thick cock slid into your pussy for the first time that night, warm water lapping at your skin, his hands holding you tight against him, you couldn't help but wonder why you waited so long.

while he'd pulled you to a quiet shore of a hidden cove, you were worried you were still too loud, that the world would hear.

kisame's shark teeth grazed your shoulder as he let out a shuddering breath against your skin, feeling your nails dig into his back. the feeling of his razor sharp teeth made you nearly freeze with terror, but you tightened around him as your body tingled.

"hope you can handle a little blood."

ITACHI

as much as you wanted itachi to trap you in an endless sex fantasy with a genjutsu, he was a much more gentle lover. not that you minded, he always made sure your needs were more than fulfilled.

he was taking his time lapping up your pussy, sucking and kissed and tonguing wherever he could reach. he lived for the feeling of your hips bucking into his mouth, fingers gripping his hair from the overwhelming pleasure he gave you.

he knew you so well, listened to your breathing and the volume of your moans, hearing them get more high pitched as you neared your orgasm.

"come on pretty girl, let me take care of you."

<3 <3 <3

[adrunkskeletonsduck]

Hᴏᴡ ⵊ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ᴛʜᴇ Aᴋᴀᴛsᴜᴋɪ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴅʀᴇss ɪʀʟ

Nᴀʀᴜᴛᴏ Mᴀsᴛᴇʀʟɪsᴛ

Deidara - Dresses like an Edgar who does art. I js know he has those shiny ass belts and pants to his fuckin knees. First photo is canon, it’s the first post on his Insta. His closet is black and white, and he never leaves the house without the gold chain.

Itachi - He likes sweaters and baggy jeans or sweatpants. I feel like he gravitates more towards dark colors, specifically dark reds, blues, browns and blacks. Also he likes gray sweatpants 😏. He wears minimal silver jewelry so just thin rings and one or two necklaces. When it gets hot he just wears short sleeves (a lot of white tshirts)

Hidan - Button ups and and jeans. The way he dresses kinda gives dad vibes but he doesn’t care bc it’s easy and put together without looking super formal. This man also doesn’t get cold so in the winter he might throw on a think jacket but usually he sticks with short sleeves.

Konan - Business casual chic, typa look. Like Pein, she knows she's important and wants to look the part. I can see her wearing lots of blacks and whites, but she likes to throw in fun colors (esp purples) and accessories as well. She's so pretty

Kisame - He loves turtle necks omgg! Matches them with dress pants and a thin belt. Like Itachi he likes darker colors. Heavy on the black and navy blue clothing though. He also likes more fitted shirts. It makes him look put together but casual all the same and he likes that, also makes him look hot which he likes as well

Sasori - His outfits are pretty casual, just jeans, a plain colored shirt (sometimes his shirt will have design but if it does its subtle), and a jacket. Always a jacket, he doesn't leave the house without one. His favorite is this red jacket that matches the color of his hair perfectly. Silver necklaces and simple silver rings.

Pein - Always dressed for business. He's a suit and tie guy 24/7 typa guy, but sometimes he'll take of his suit jacket and unbutton a button or two on his shirt and loosen his tie and jesus does he look goodddd. He also wears silver rings, however his are 100% real silver

Tobi - Colorful cyber y2k. He can match any color together and make it look good, its insane. Likes blingy ass belts and has his ears pierced (they got infected within two weeks of getting them done because he didn’t take care of them properly). Very fun fits overall!

[cosmic-glow]

A Beach Day with Akatsuki

Summary: how would each of the Akatsuki members be in the cliche anime beach episode.

Warnings: mentions of deaths and alcoholic beverages. SFW.

Characters: Pein; Konan; Tobi; Zetsu; Itachi; Kisame; Deidara; Sasori; Hidan and Kakuzu (from Naruto).

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Kisame

Kisame liked the idea from the beginning.

As soon as he gets to the beach he goes straight to the water.

Likes to surf.

And it's really good at it.

He doesn't wear sunscreen.

He spends practically all day in the water.

He just goes out to pull someone out to sea with him.

Or to buy some ice cream.

He randomly comes out of the water sometimes and brings a very nice shell or rock and gives it to someone.

He tries to pull Itachi out to sea with him just to provoke him.

Kisame would come out of the water in the afternoon to watch the sun go down.

While drinking something refreshing, like coconut water or a drink.

That man was so comfortable.

It upsets him to have to leave the beach.

The next day he is locked in his room, sunburnt.

He doesn't want to go out for  doesn't have to overhear Itachi saying "I told you" for refusing to apply sunscreen.

Still, he really liked his day at the beach and would do it all over again.

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Kakuzu

He didn't want to come.

Like, beach is just a warm place with salt water and sand, what's fun about that? That's what he thinks.

He is really in a bad mood.

He can't even cool off in the sea because he can't swim due to his stitched up body.

He tries to relax sitting in the shade of the parasol while reading a book.

But any noise bothers him.

And a beach with Deidara, Hidan and Tobi is sure to be noisy.

He eventually decides to walk to the edge of the sea away from the group while checking his bingo book.

Was that or kill those three.

In the end, when he is well away from the group he manages to enjoy the beach a little.

He sits near some palm trees.

The waves gently lap at him feet in a relaxing manner.

And finally the silence that he loves so much.

He would only reappear in the group in the evening, when started to cool down.

He is not sad that he has to leave.

And he would never admit that he enjoyed the quiet moments he spent alone.

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Tobi/Obito

Ever since he learned that him be going to the beach he has been extremely anxious.

He is wearing those bathing suits that cover the whole body, like surfers do.

But he doesn't surf.

Yes, he is wearing the mask even on the beach.

Doesn't stop at any moment.

He would go into the sea to jump the waves and end up falling as soon as they took their eyes off him.

Then he would get up as if nothing had happened.

He has been bothering Deidara since they arrived.

"Wow Deidara-senpai, I didn't know your abdomen was so defined" - would be just one of the comments he make to tease the blond.

Tobi is a good boy, so he put sunscreen on the parts that his suit doesn't cover.

Takes too much ice cream and ends up freezing his brain.

He would not want to leave the beach.

Would only do it when it was getting dark.

Definitely a happy child enjoying his day at the beach.

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Hidan

For Akatsuki to be able to go to a beach it would have to be isolated.

And well, I'm saying this because Hidan was responsible for offering Jashin anyone who showed up bothering.

He's a narcissist and made a point of getting a swimsuit that didn't cover too much and value his ass.

At first, he avoids getting into the water because he doesn't want to get his hair wet.

But when he enters the sea it's scary to see how he spends hours underwater since he can't die by drowning.

Enjoys bothering Kakuzu... as usual.

He purposely wets Deidara's hair.

Hidan wasn't worried about sunscreen.

After all, he's immortal, what difference does it make?

What no one knows is that he ended up going through the fear of losing the pale shade he likes so much.

He has who brought the alcohol.

He keeps drinking and bothering others with silly pranks.

Leave the beach at the end of the sunset already drunk.

He found the day at the beach fun.

After all he didn't have to work and spent all day drinking and making fun of the members, why would he complain?

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Zetsu

He likes sunbathe.

Obviously him don't wear sunscreen, because he don't need it.

Would avoid going into the sea because of the salt water.

White Zetsu wants to make a sand castle.

But doesn't work out too well because black Zetsu refuses.

He likes to drink a lot of water.

Zetsu purposely walks away from the group.

He likes to be alone and it is no surprise to anyone.

He finds the sound of the sea very relaxing.

White Zetsu wants to take the little shells he finds home.

Black Zetsu wants to eat the crabs he finds.

At some point he would end up sleeping.

Would only wake up when the sun started to set.

And then finally would return to the group to leave.

White Zetsu really enjoyed the day at the beach and think was relaxing.

Black Zetsu didn't think it was bad, but he wouldn't admit it and would say it was a waste of time.

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Deidara

“Finally a rest day” - that's what he thought, until he saw how Tobi can be even more irritating on the beach.

The beach is a very inspiring place for an artist.

So Deidara is trying not to waste all his explosive clay on Tobi.

He wants to tan, not burn, so he put on sunscreen.

Deidara knows and likes to surf.

And he's annoyed that Kisame is better than him at this.

He was avoiding going into the sea until Hidan wet his hair.

His bathing suit is the prettiest.

This boy has style.

He would retreat at some point to make sand castles without being seen.

Prefer to eat slushies.

Would want to compete with Itachi on something.

And would say he cheated when he lost and walk away from the group.

Collect shells <3

He tries to sunbathe, but Deidara is the kind of person who can't sit still.

So it's useless.

The sunset is art for him, after all it is temporary.

Appears out of nowhere in the group when they are leaving.

At the end of the day he's sulking.

Because the day at the beach was not what he expected.

… But he liked it.

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Itachi

To be honest, he doesn't really like the beach.

Like, he can't deny the place is beautiful, but what is he going to do here?

He ends up sitting in the shade of the parasol watching others have fun.

Most of the shells Kisame brings from the water are for him.

He obviously use  sunscreen.

And brought it, in case anyone forgot.

In fact, the bag with everything needed for a day at the beach is his.

He doesn't really like the idea of ​​going into the sea.

The most he'd do is get his feet wet because it's relaxing.

He's the one who bought Kisame's ice cream while he was getting out of the water.

He's not paying attention to Deidara's taunts.

And he made no effort to beat him.

He likes the sound of the sea.

Take the opportunity to rest for a while.

He ends up getting so relaxed and quiet you could swear he's sleeping sitting up.

Itachi finds the sunset a bit melancholy but beautiful.

Is eager to return to the group's hideout.

The next day he know that Kisame doesn't want to leave his room because he's sunburned.

He didn't think the day at the beach was all bad, but he would have preferred to go somewhere else.

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Pein

Honestly, he only accepted all this because of Konan.

Doesn't like warm places, so the beach is not his favorite place.

He came just to make sure that nothing bad would happened.

He refers to Hidan, Deidara and Tobi in the same place for more than 5 minutes.

And he doesn't want anyone to bother Konan either.

Konan who reminded him to wear sunscreen.

Pain likes to eat watermelon when he is at the beach, is refreshing.

He won't go into the sea, don't even try.

Doesn't like ice cream very much.

He doesn't really like sweets in general, they make him thirsty.

He notices when someone moves away.

Being honest, he is just waiting for the day to end.

He understands why they think sunsets are beautiful, him thought too when he saw how Konan admired the sky.

Pein makes sure that everyone is present as they come back.

Tobi tests his patience by refusing to return "so soon".

He understands that a rest is necessary... But for him it was just a wasted day.

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Konan

She was who gave the idea to go to the beach.

Konan likes to sunbathe, even though she's very pale.

Hoped that this day would be at least a little relaxing for Pain.

Konan would read a book in the shade while listening to the sound of the waves.

Likes to drink refreshing drinks, eat scratch cards, eat watermelon, etc.

She is enjoying the moment.

Would go into the sea to cool off a bit, but she would be quick.

Konan is very stylish, so her bikini makes her look radiant.

She really wants to play in the sand for a while.

But as we know she is shy, and ends up being embarrassed.

Didn't approve of the idea that Hidan could kill anyone who came along.

But her understand why Pein thinks it's necessary.

She loves the different shades that appear in the sky as the sun goes down.

Left the beach a little reluctantly.

She who manages to convince Tobi to leave.

Konan liked her day at the beach but wishes she had enjoyed it more.

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Sasori

He wonders why he had to come along.

Like, there's nothing for him to enjoy on the beach.

Not that he can't go into the sea, but he's a puppet, the job he'd take to get the water out of his body.

Not to mention that salt water can wear out his body.

Definitely out of the question.

The only problem is that all that sand and hot sun just reminds him more and more of his old village.

He doesn't have a problem with the heat at all, he actually likes it.

He would try to distract himself by looking for pretty rocks.

Kisame would notice and bring some for him.

He'd be so focused on this that he wouldn't realize he'd ended up walking away from the group.

He ended up getting wet when he picked up a rock too close to the sea and a wave came to meet him.

He returns to the group grumpy after that.

Sasori lies down waiting for the sun to dry him and ends up sleeping.

Hidan and Deidara bury him in the sand.

He hasn't seen the sunset and is just grumpy wanting to go back to hiding.

But he is taking the rocks he found with him.

He doesn't want to repeat the experience.

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Sorry for any typos;

Buy me a coffee?

Masterlist

[martialartslover7]

Alright, here we go again. Part 3 of Hinata's battle against Konan. This time, there won't be any reference images, because most of the important things have already gotten covered. Still, huge shoutout to Aleister Brown on Quora, this story wouldn't even be possible without his precious input.

So for now, enjoy. But I can assure you, this chapter, and the 4th one, will be serious tearjerkers. You will soon get to learn why. We had to draw a line somewhere.

Peace. And lemme just cry in a corner, because I am telling you, chapter 4 will destroy me.

[uchiha-itachi-amaterasu]

[ladykissingfish]

*Deidara walks into Tobi’s room to find him curled up in his bed, facing the wall*

Deidara: *sighs and goes to Tobi’s side* Still, man? You’re still hung up on this?

Tobi, voice muffled: Go away, Senpai. You hurt Tobi’s feelings. You hurt Tobi’s feelings worse than anyone ever has before.

Deidara: … Are you being serious right now, hm? You’re a grown man! You can’t take a little constructive criticism??

Tobi: *turns around and faces Deidara* It wasn’t “constructive criticism”, Senpai! It was super mean and you didn’t even have to say it! Tobi would never say anything like that to you!

Deidara: Okay, you know what? I —

*Pein and Konan walk into the room*

Pein: Deidara. Enough. This idiocy has been going on between the two of you for long enough. Discord between Akatsuki partners is a hindrance to completing missions successfully; therefore, Deidara, you need to apologize.

Deidara, indignantly: Apologize?! Are you kidding me? I was expressing an opinion, hm! How is it my fault if he can’t handle my thoughts??

Konan: Deidara, you heard Leader. While I’m unaware as to what your argument is about, I know that it must be fairly serious, to render someone as happy-go-lucky as Tobi into this sad state. Now apologize.

Deidara, grudgingly and reluctantly: Fine, hm. Tobi, I’m sorry that I said that candy corn is “disgusting” and that you’d “be better off eating melted crayons”, hm.

Konan: … Wait. You two are fighting about candy??

Tobi, in Obito voice: This fucker also said that caramel doesn’t belong in sweets and is worse than the gunk in a toilet bowl! He’s lucky I didn’t kill him!!

Konan and Pein: 

[x-emeraldsky-x]

Would you draw akatsuki in Christmas style

So

Zetsu is the tree and the rest is up to you

🎄

[yowyowyaoi]

*Kakuzu walks into living room to find Itachi, Tobi, Deidara and Hidan huddled under the giant couch quilt, looking nervous*

Kakuzu: What’s wrong with you guys?

Tobi: Mommy and Daddy are fighting again!

Kakuzu: Mommy and daddy —?

Deidara: Listen, hm. You can hear them!

Kakuzu: *cocks his ear; can very faintly hear what sounds like Konan and Pein arguing*

Kakuzu: So, first of all, and I can’t stress this enough … Konan is not your mother, and Pein is not your father. Second, what goes on between two adults is their own business, not every single person in the house. And —

*Konan comes out of the room, looking annoyed*

Konan: I’m sorry, boys, but Papa said ”No” to each of you getting a puppy for Christmas.

Hidan: That shitty old man! Never lets us have any fucking fun!

Itachi: Are you okay, Mother? We know that arguing with Father puts you in a bad mood …

Kakuzu: Konan. Please tell these boys that you are NOT their —

Konan: *sits down on couch between them all* My children are so sweet … don’t worry, mother will continue to work on father. Perhaps I can talk him into kittens instead.

All four: *hug Konan and cuddle against her*

Pein: *comes out of his room; all four give him death glares*

Kakuzu: Leader … please help correct this mass delusion and tell them that you are not their —

Pein, to the boys: So that’s how it is, eh? Giving the silent treatment to your old man?! You kids always side with your mother, it’s not fair!

Kakuzu:

[jesseevelann]

Tobiko: *pinning Deidara to a wall, holding him up by the thighs with his legs wrapped around her. Tongue in his mouth, leading a very hot kiss*

Deidara: *letting out small moans, tangling his fingers in her hair and pulling on it slightly*

Tobiko: Should we move this to the bedroom...?

Deidara: *panting hard* Not yet, please don't stop, hm.

Tobiko: *shrugs and continues to kiss him*

Deidara: *hears a noise from behind Tobiko, opens his eyes to see the Pein and Konan watching them* *pulls away from the kiss in shock* GAH!

Tobiko: *turns to look, putting Deidara down and shying away, feigning embarrassment*

Deidara: *clinging to Tobiko to try and hide an issue in his pants* Th-the fuck you staring for, hm?

Pein: ... please move your, uhm, activities to a... private... area.

Konan: Or at least share. Greedy bastard.

Deidara:

Deidara: I ain't sharing SHIT, hm!