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Also why did July become of the most busiest, hottest and most expensive month of my life
I need August to become boring as shit. No more shit happening to me, no more emergencies, no weddings, no birthdays, no health scares, no more heatwave, no more social obligations, no nothing I just want to stay home, make stickers for my life blood aka patreons and write fanfiction in an air-conditioned space PLEASE
#due to multiple things i had to take a large chunk out of savings and there were several social obligations and i am so tired#there were like planned expenses like bills and the $400 monty pin order which im excited for#and then sudden stuff like an emergency health and family thing and friend could not pay for something so $300ish that way#which is FINE im alright and thats what savings are for and i can always rebuild it#but its also like IM TIRED!!! I WANNA STAY HOME#I DIDNT GET TO DO NEARLY AS MANY ARTFIGHTS AS I DID LAST YEAR#also the heat killing my health but like thats kinda universal rn kdlghlsgds#ON THE UP SIDE#MONTY PINS ARE COMING i am so excited im biting the drywall#its not so much as a vent post as just a bitching post btw im happy this month is ending#actaully theres a lot i wanna talk about let me boot up a stream#sara shush
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one time i went to a friends apartment to hangout and they’ve always been rly wealthy growing up but i never rly realized how wealthy until they started the washing machine for ONE hoodie bc they wanted to wear it and it was dirty and i was like 😧
#LIKE#U DONT WANNA WAIT TILL UR CLOTHES HAVE PILED UP FOR THE WEEK ???#AND DO THE LAUNDRY AT ONCE ????#LIKE A NORMAL PERSON ????#doing the laundry multiple times a week for one set of clothes at a time is WILD#WILDDDDD#HOW RICH#i could never waste water bills like that#i don’t even pay the water bills i live at home w my family 😭#but still#wild to me NFNSNDJD#anyway that’s rich boy gojo coded LOLLL
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being a sollux fan is suffering cant even check his tag w/o getting ersl as the first result😭😭 pissed me off so bad i actually blocked the artist sjdjsjjsjdsj
HELPPP i wish tumblr's filter content settings actually hid posts entirely instead of leaving it behind a wall. but i will say there were two fairly recent ersl interpretations that i found pree fresh, rlly gotta clown these charas for the funs
#ask#anon#mumblings#not sure if ive mentioned before but one of my earliest exposures to ersl was from a super old humanstuck slkt fic#its been 2yrs since i last read it so i may have misremembered the details and thereby fudge this description but#the premise had slkt being poor living together w karkat working his ASS off to the boneeee barely afloat providing for both him and sollux#they're dating but sollux was v mentally ill + extremely distraught and depressed after accidentally killing aradia in a car crash#he became confined to his room and when he wasnt bedridden he was physically and verbally lashing out at karkat. its heavy and upsetting#meanwhile karkat was churning multiple jobs just to sustain them - he's hurt stressed and in pain from losing the sollux he once knew#but he still insists on staying bc he cares abt sollux. then after a few months of this sollux's dad refused to keep paying for his meds ??#the bill was so expensive kaRKAT BROKE DOWN AND COULDNT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!! i forgot what happened immediately afterwards but#they split and sollux gets kicked out (?) while karkat slowly recovers from the sheer survival mode trauma of the whole experience.#then ~Timeskip to the future~ where karkat finds out sollux's mental health improved significantly.... & that he's happily dating eridan :D#UGH. cant help but laugh just thinking about it.#bcs iirc sollux explains to karkat how eridan is loaded asf and can easily afford all the necessary medications sollux needed to get better#thats how the fic concludes btw. karkat still alone with eridan suddenly getting inserted as sol's uber lucky rich bf benefactor#like gawdd. this is THE funniest possible way of adapting the “slkt lowblood vs ersl high/lowblood” dynamic to its closest human equivalent#i hope i didnt just hallucinate this whole thing pls i cannot for the life of me remember much other than that twist ending#decade-old darkfic demonstrating relationship between class poverty mental illness and the american healthcare system! still relevant today
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I’m gonna need some encouragement.
I’m telling my dad tonight that I’m trans.
#I’ve been making arrangements to convince him to let me remain where I’m at so long as I still keep paying my bills#otherwise I’ve got backup plans for if he kicks me out of the RV but not if he takes my car#I’ve got enough money I can rent a hotel for a couple of days at the absolute least#he’s assured me multiple times that he wouldn’t kick me out no matter what I told him but I know I can’t trust that#but it’s getting harder and harder to hide. he’s noticing things. it’s best to tell him up front#I can handle him not being happy if he really DOESN’T kick me out and cut me off! I don’t expect him to ever accept it#but if he changes his mind…#if I go radio silent for a while it’s because I’m homeless and trying to get my shit together 😅
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living in america is literally just like. yeah i could probably benefit from inpatient mental health services but honestly the resulting medical bills would just make me want to kill myself even more
#eliot posts#i'm not in active danger of hurting myself don't worry#just experiencing some Ideations#but i have a long mental list of reasons not to act on those ideations so i'm safe don't worry#ironically one of those reasons is ''i couldn't afford the medical bills for a failed attempt''#suicide mention#suicide tw#tw suicide#american healthcare my beloathed#dogshit private insurance my beloathed#also ironically one of the (multiple) contributing factors towards this fresh wave of ideations is a medical bill i got yesterday#it's nothing too ruinous but it is A LOT like would utterly wipe out my savings level#my parents said they can help me with it (as much as i hate accepting things from them)#and as soon as i mentioned it my very sweet cousin just. sent me the money it would take to cover it#with a ''yeah i trust you'll pay me back once you get a good job like looking at your major you'll be making a lot eventually''#and i've already requested an itemized bill as well as the paperwork for the hospital's financial assistance program#(tho idk how much assistance i'll actually be eligible for bc i'm still legally a dependent)#so hopefully i'll be able to get that bill cut way down#it's just eugh it's so stressful and i had a full on panic attack on the phone with my insurance company yesterday#and my brain's fav response to crushing stress is just ''well we wouldn't have to handle any of this if we Just Fucking Died! :)''
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Finally got all by BAWKtober designs up on my redbubble! If you're interested in supporting me and my feather babies (My chickens would be so flattered if you got merch of them >/////<), or are looking to get into the october spirit early, consider checking them out! Prints of mine will also be available soon on INPRNT once I set up a shop~
ko-fi|commission info|Redbubble
#help me pay my bills and feed my spoiled chickens#BAWKtober#shameless self promotion#chicken merch chCIckenMERCh CHICKEFN MERCHCHCIEK#makenna made a thing#chickens#tiny fluffy dinosaurs#the BEST animals#i am but a humble artist trying to support my multiple bird children#artists on tumblr#chickenblr#birdblr#small artist#support small artists#art#artblr#art prints#redbubble#halloween#october cannot come fast enough
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Any post that contains the phrase "you" in a big, general, plural sense that automatically accuses the reader of being part of the "you" that op is rhetorically berating are deeply, deeply unhelpful in regard to compassion fatigue. It's also just manipulative; the clear intention is to pressure anyone reading it into reblogging it in order to prove they are not part of the "you" being accused.
These posts bother me and I understand that the authors of these posts are feeling powerless and have learned that screaming and yelling and shaming is an effective tactic because they weren't given enough attention to meet their needs through other methods. But again, it's going to increase compassion fatigue and increase the use of shame as a method of social control, which is not ideal.
#the monster speaks#i give money to fundraisers multiple times a week#its usually like 12#and i read i read all the time#and i pay attention to the political situation and to the news in my community#my entire job is community service#i watch movies that aren't rote formulaic fluff i watch difficult and challenging things#but every other post i read is:#'YOU SELFISH ASSHOLES DO NOTHING BUT LOOK AWAY AND WON’T GIVE 5 DOLLARS TO SAVE THE LIVES OF BABIES!'#or#''COULD YOU ILLITERATE BITCHES READ ONE (1) BOOK THAT ISN’T FUCKING LORD OF THE RINGS FANFICTION NONE OF YOU CARE ABOUT ACTUALLY LEARNING“#and sometimes#“GET OFF YOUR PHONE YOU DISGUSTING SLUGS AND READ A NEWSPAPER (evil bill number 7) IS BACK AND NONE OF YOU CARE”#or even#“NONE OF YOU WILL LIFT A HAND FOR YOUR NEIGHBORS AND ITS UNFORGIVABLE SHAME ON ALL OF YOU”#and finally#“CINEMA IS DEAD CUZ YOU STUPID LAZY CHILDREN ONLY WATCH MARVEL SEQUELS AND YOUTUBE VIDEOS”#like i block the creators of these posts#im not part of the 'you' but i don't want to be associated with controlling entitled bullies
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"shounen isn't made for women, shounen jump doesn't need to be concerned for the women in the audience since they only take up whatever percentage of their readership, they won't lose money... blah blah"
even if a majority of shounen jump readers are men and boys, do you really think they're the ones who are buying the cutesie stickers, keychains, and plushies? do you really think most mangakas are making most of their money through something that can be easily pirated?
#men and boys will pay for the subscription#but it's the fujoshis and the self-insert fanfic readers who will pay for a subscription AND spend hundreds on multiple acrylic stands#there are less women and girls in these spaces but they're the ones who are truly paying your fav mangakas' electricity bills#im saying all this as a trans masc
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i hate my job so much i hate having so much responsibility
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what the hellllll, you had more stuff happen to you in two months than me in half a year 😶 are you doing alright??
I can't say I recommend this much excitement in the span of two months. Either I'm cursed or had too much fun in Pennsylvania and Virginia, so the universe bounced back in the form of an attempted isekai. On Friday the 13th!
#I'm okay in the sense that it could've been much worse#turns out that even if a bus isn't going terribly fast#when you yourself are stationary#it can and will pop multiple places along your spine#physical and mental therapy are on the horizon haha#now it's a matter of getting COTA to pay for repairs and medical bills#which I'm sure is going to go smoothly and they won't fight me on at all#ryu talks about stuff and things#ryu replies
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barely a hour & half into work and i already feel like crying.
#it was so busy when i came into work and so noisy#we immediately ran into issues bc multiple ppl decided to pay in cash and my manager decided to prioritize larger bills in the register#so i had to go to another store on our street to break $20 and i still had to break a customer's change out of my own pocket#there's so much i have to do... i haven't eaten enough to handle all this myself 😭😭😭#6:30 can't come soon enough GOD#mj.txt
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when you're disabled, being financially abused by your parents never ends
#so you're telling me that you got 5k this week from claiming me on your taxes#while hounding me about how i haven't been contributing enough to bills & expenses (i was giving you what you asked for!)#and none of it will go to me because ''i owe it to you for living with you''#despite the fact that 5k nearly covers the mortgage for the entire YEAR#DESPITE THE FACT THAT I COULD PAY OFF MY OWN LANDLORD AND MOVE OUT#btw i literally only let her claim me on her taxes bc she said she'd be giving it to me. and this is the third time she has done this.#promised me it wouldn't happen again. she used me.#she does this thing a lot#where she acts like she's helping people but only does it to hold it over their head#i told her i could have been paying her more for bills but she told me i didn't have to#and now she's complaining that i don't pay enough#i will literally tell her not to help me sometimes#bc she'll do it anyway and then later on you hear ''i did something nice for you so if you don't help me with a favor right now...#...I'll do everything I can to sabotage your life''#so she literally only does it for personal gain#so that she can have an excuse to feel like she's better than all of her kids and that we're just stupid ungrateful assholes#all 3 of her kids could be telling her that her logic is wrong and she won't budge#another thing that happened recently is that she told me i needed to pay her back for a gift she bought me that got stolen#which is also something she does a lot. buys me things without asking and then telling me i have to pay her back for them#i had way more stuff stolen that i had personally bought#i didn't ask for that fucking keyboard sorry. I ALREADY HAD ONE.#and she's been going on about how ''she's the one who's ACTUALLY being affected''#she is FULLY AWARE that the dude she lets over has stolen from us MULTIPLE times#but apparently it's my responsibility to pay her back for something out of my control#STOP BUYING ME SHIT AND TELLING ME I DON'T NEED TO PAY YOU MORE IF YOU'RE JUST GONNA HOLD IT OVER MY HEAD#IF I'M SUCH A BURDEN MAKE IT POSSIBLE FOR ME TO LEAVE#.bdo
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what’s crazy is i told myself i just have to stretch my check for two weeks but technically i actually have to make my $1400 check last a whole month because my rent it’s 1300 plus $80-90 in extra fees and utilities. so my second check is entirely ate up by rent. lol
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oh I teased this story the other day but I never told it. when I was a kid around like ages 6-7 my dad did a lot of e dating that he would keep me up to date with because he had no boundaries and multiple times he had these russian "girlfriends" who I understand now were 100% scammers but at least one time he sent money to one of them to fly up and visit him and then he got really pissed because she said that she got robbed on the way to the airport. that might have not been the only time he sent money but its the most notable time. I don't know if my mom ever found out about that because I cannot imagine a cross continent airplane ticket was very cheap and I don't think she would have been happy about him spending money on that and not on like. the child support he didn't pay
#txt#she actually didnt charge him child support until he got mad about having to help pay an ambulance bill for me#when i passed out in 6th grade#and he got SO mad about that that he stopped seeing me for multiple months
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