#path to ascendency

[netmors]

Concept art for the Eleventh Fleet - Mitt'raw'nuruodo.

Hands got to the rendering of Mitt'raw'nuruodo's sketches. It was unusual to draw him without the Grand Admiral’s signature hairstyle, but I really wanted to make a strong contrast between his life “before” and “after” starting his service in the navy. Life on his home planet certainly wasn't easy.

+ some parallel with Ezra and his fate.

…And I still think the idea of ​​making Thrawn's kintsugi-style form during his exile is my best idea :3 After red eyeliner on Karyn's eyes, of course.

[alexa-nowak]

Fandom culture has changed so much, I honestly just don't get it anymore

It used to be absolutely normal to like morally questionable or straight up irredeemable characters, there was no "if you like a bad guy, you are agreeing with the bad guy" in my 2013

Now nearly in every fandom villain lovers are getting bullied, fandoms are busy protecting pixel's feelings, while severely hurting real people's mental health with this neverending flood of toxicity

And it genuinely upsets me, because villains and the whole concept of liking "against the good guys" characters in media/ literature/ art/ etc was always a safe space for outcasts and people who felt rejected by society, for being queer, for just being different and unable to fit in for any reason

And seeing that even inside online fandom culture villain lovers are getting nothing but this bs is heartbreaking

And all this discussion about "healthy relationship with imaginary bf" is the whole different bucket of crap that I would waffle about at some point

How these people are doing in literature classes, I mean, every other classical book has some kind of toxic love story, do they need a trigger warning for every book or something

[mercymaker]

this has been on my mind for literal months now, resurfacing, then floating around that pool a bit and then sinking into the depths again, but maybe i should just write it down and get it out of my system idk

but i always found it a bit chilling how once ascended, astarion calls tav the consort, the closest thing to a family he has. sort of.. painting them as 'the wife' or 'the husband' and i know that a lot of people find it endearing and as a sort of a 'proof' that he still loves them and trusts them, yet all i can think about hearing those words (especially with the context and other things he can say to spawn tav) is how cazador called the seven spawn his 'children'.

how he created this 'family', specifically named them as such (when he could've just as easily treated and called them as what they truly were to him, just his slaves), only to then horrifically abuse them, shape them into what he wanted them to be through torture, both physical and psychological. this sort of.. oxymoron in motion. and if it wasn't bad enough with all the abuse, he knew (for hundreds of years) that these poor souls, his children, are going to be consumed for the ritual to grant him the powers of the vampire ascendant. the sort of.. devouring and annihilation of his own 'family'.

and it always made me wonder if that's the eventual story for spawn tav and ascended astarion as well. if them being 'the consort', in the whole picture, means the same thing 'children' meant to cazador? if he could heartlessly torture and abuse his own 'children', then astarion could eventually do that very same thing to tav?

[mccromy]

Mu Qing is currently listening to a backlog of prayers one of his deputy officials tossed aside as unimportant, just in case Xie Lian prayed to him these past few centuries and he missed it. Until now, all of them are asinine, but he keeps going, though he's starting to zone out until he hears a child's voice:

"Xuan Zhen, Shixiong said I can ask you stuff. I want tea eggs for dinner."

Mu Qing blinks. It's not the first time a child asks him for something inane, but this prayer came from a very prestigious temple, only visited by serious cultivators, so it's odd. Perhaps the boy snook in, and it's unlikely he'll hear him again since it's likely he was caught after this.

Mu Qing keeps listening,

"Xuan Zhen, kill Jian Yu."

Ah.

So he wasn't caught.

"Xuan Zhen, where's Shixiong, he said he'd be back by now."

"Xuan Zhen, why is Jian Yu so ugly?"

Mu Qing is quickly losing his patience, how come nobody has caught the child yet?

Then he hears a young man's voice.

"O' General Xuan Zhen, the strongest of the Southern Generals, can you kill this brat? Can you make him explode? Who's ugly, huh? Please."

Then, the child's voice again

"Xuan Zhen, steal Jian Yu's teeth."

"O' General Xuan Zhen, the worthiest of the Southern Generals, this believer begs you to yeet this brat into a volcano, pretty please and thanks."

"Xuan Zhen why does Shixiong smell so good? Can you make us change rooms so I share with him."

"O' General Xuan Zhen, the wisest of the Southern Generals, that little shit took a piss on my shoes. Please, please can you make the bitch that birthed him come pick him up and take him AWAY. Thanks."

"Xuan Zhen, I want Shixiong to stop being angry at me for pissing on Jian Yu's shoes. Also, kill Jian Yu. Also, can you make it so Shixiong has more time to spar with me?"

"O' General Xuan Zhen, the ONLY God of the South as far as I'm concerned, you know? Fuck that other guy, what was his name? Dickneral? Haha. ANYWAYS. Can you just kill this kid? Kill him a little? Nobody has to know, please just make him LEAVE."

"Xuan Zhen, for my birthday I want a Shixiong Hug, and a nice belt that matches my Shixiong's. And That Shixiong keeps being angry forever at Jian Yu for burning my blankets! And that Jian Yu eats shit and dies."

Mu Qing is about to lose it. He cannot be wasting his time with this.

Then a new voice, another young man, prays calmly:

"General Xuan Zhen, this one apologizes my Shidis keep shouting their prayers out loud in your temples, I've taken care of it, please don't strike them dead. I'll light ten incense sticks in your honor, thank you."

Then, the prayers coming from that temple change to the usual stream of begging for protection and guidance cultivating.

[milkroses97]

Ascended Elincia ✨

https://x.com/milkroses97/status/1766964466665558198?s=46&t=YwxZvJQY8yEy1YJaZO0_kA

[nonbinaryspy]

Meta: Elincia's Trolley Problems

Elincia's arc comes into sharpest relief when you consider both PoR and RD together. From living a sheltered life as a secret princess, to watching her parents get killed as her country is invaded, to eventually rising to the challenge of her unexpected role as queen, she has to deal with important decisions at every turn. Every action she takes is out of love for Crimea's people and a desire to secure them safe and happy lives. But what happens when she has to choose between the life of a loved one and the future of the overall populace? Both PoR and RD test this with narrative beats that form a perfect mirror, ultimately reflecting Elincia's development.

Path of Radiance

Throughout PoR, Elincia has been separated from her usual support network, particularly her retainers. After returning to Crimea, she finally finds them—however, in chapter 24, before she is able to reunite with Geoffrey, he is left behind to fend off Daein troupes so that Elincia can escape. Elincia is naturally horrified.

Bastian: Geoffrey's acting as a decoy. You must continue on this road to the southwest. Lucia: So the enemy's found us, eh? Lucia: Nothing to do about it but change course. I'll lead you to another hiding place. Elincia: Wh-what are you saying, Lucia? We must help Geoffrey! Bastian? Lucia: Luck was not with us, Princess. We have no choice. We'll have to abandon our companions in Castle Delbray. Elincia: No!! We will not!! Geoffrey and the others have survived so much already... I will not abandon them! Lucia: Princess, please understand. If we could do so without danger to you, we would gladly risk our lives to go back. Elincia: We cannot do this! Please, Lucia! We must go to the castle! ...Bastian! You must not do this thing! Bastian: Geoffrey is a knight. In the name of our friend's honor, Princess, you must escape. Elincia: No... No! They've survived this long! They're alive! NO!!!

When Ike gives her the chance to instead save Geoffrey, she affirms that this is what she wants.

Elincia: Yes. I don't want... I don't want anyone else to be sacrificed.

Lucia and Bastian respect her wishes and agree to help Geoffrey, at which point she is able to get her feelings across.

Elincia: Because the two of you think to put me above all else, you say you will sacrifice your lives for me. Yet... Even if I'm able to borrow of Ike's strength and win back Crimea... If the cost of that victory is the lives of the two of you, I shall never smile again. And joy? Never again would that emotion fill my heart...

Elincia is a leader, but she's also a person—one who never asked for this role. Until recently, she has not had to make decisions that would affect the future of a whole country, as opposed to only living within her personal sphere. In fact, the main political decision made re: her life—the decision to keep her birth secret—was made for her. She has already lost her parents and, as far as she knows, her beloved uncle.

Since then, her choices have all been for the sake of Crimea. In reality, she has had little choice in how to go about that goal, considering she has been fleeing for her life while at the whims of Begnion politics. Being able to return to Crimea and reunite with her retainers is the first time she has been running toward, rather than away, from something, and still part of that goal is being held from her reach. Nothing will stop her from working hard for Crimea, but individual losses will still give her permanent grief. So here, she finally takes a stand against the choices other people try to make for her, and insists on protecting her loved ones and regaining some of what she lost.

What happens next depends on the player, but considering her retainers are alive in RD, the duology's canon here is that they all survive this fight. Due to Elincia getting her feelings across, her loved ones are saved, and the campaign continues.

After this experience, the cost of individual lives in war is hammered home, and Elincia decides it's not enough to order others to keep her retainers safe. Regaining her inherited pegasus and sword, she takes to the field despite the mixed feelings of her retainers.

Elincia: Even though I'm dressed like this, I have no experience, and do not expect to fight as well as the rest of you. But…this constant waiting behind and doing nothing…it sets my heart beating with such unease I fear it may burst. Even if I cannot fight, I could use a staff to heal the wounded. If I could save just one soldier, it would mean so much to me.

This quote shows her resolve and compassion, but it also shows that she still lacks experience and confidence, especially when it comes to conflict. Despite being trained in swordplay, she instead emphasizes her ability to heal, and sets a fairly low bar for what her contribution will mean. Although, given that this plot demonstrates the importance of saving an individual life, maybe I shouldn't call it a low bar. Either way, at this point, there is still plenty of room for her to grow and change, and RD will challenge her to due so.

Radiant Dawn

Part two of Radiant Dawn focuses on Ludveck attempting to usurp Elincia's throne by stirring up reactionary attitudes toward her policies, specifically with regards to her alliance with Gallia, to threaten civil war and pressure her into giving up her throne. Because she fears the conflict that could come out of taking direct action against a noble, and because his followers are also citizens of Crimea for whom she feels responsible, she approaches the situation carefully. Ludveck takes advantage of this hesitance to eventually kidnap Lucia.

Once again, one of the Delbray siblings is in peril, and this time, as Crimea's queen, Elincia does not need to convince anyone to save her. Instead, she takes to the field herself. As with PoR, she had not immediately done so—in this case, because of the delicacy the situation called for. But with Lucia's life at risk and Ludveck's forces at Elincia's door, she decides the time for delicacy is past.

Elincia: “Lucia… Lucia, I’m sorry. Somehow, I promise you… I will save you!” ... Elincia: “…Very well. I must prepare as well. I had hoped this day would never come… Amiti, the treasured blade of House Crimea, will awaken from its long slumber.”

Unlike in PoR, rather than focusing on her healing ability, she mentions Amiti. She no longer needs to make disclaimers or doubt the importance of her role commanding the field. The wording of "I had hoped this day would never come" and "awaken from its long slumber" emphasize that she has already been through the horrors of war once, and never wanted to again. She despises violence, but she is resigned to doing what she must.

Despite holding out against Ludveck's forces and throwing him in the dungeon, she is not able to do anything about his trump card. With Lucia as hostage, he tries to use her life as a bargaining chip for his release, as well as the country. After the incident in PoR, where her retainers saw their own lives as disposable, she convinced them to realize how valuable they were to her. So with the Delbray siblings' situations reversed, Geoffrey now asks Elincia to save Lucia.

Geoffrey: “…Your Majesty, you can’t… You have to let me do something about this.” Elincia: “…” Geoffrey: “Lucia would willingly die fighting for her country, I know… But you have to help her, Elincia. If you were in her position, she would surely do the same. Please, just give the word.”

Again, Elincia is at the point where she is taking action herself instead of entreating others. Rather than order him to do anything, Elincia visits Ludveck in what is one of the most defining scenes of her arc. The non-extended version is below as I think it gets the point across quite well, but there are more dialogue beats in the extended version.

Ludveck: “Queen Elincia, you’re so naive. Cold and callous decisions are sometimes required of a nation’s ruler. …I was testing you. We all wanted to know if our queen would have the power to stop a civil war.” Ludveck: “But, no, you were too hesitant and too concerned about harming the people… Now look what has happened. The rule of Crimea cannot be kept in your hands! Please, Your Majesty! You must abdicate and cede the crown to me!” Ludveck: “And considering Lady Lucia’s life is on the line, you haven’t much choice. Now, let’s have you free me from this prison cell, and then we can discuss any further details…” Elincia: “I don’t think so.” Ludveck: “What?! Are you truly willing to sacrifice Lady Lucia?!” Elincia: “…Lord Ludveck, all your dissatisfaction and misgivings about me are well founded. However, do you realize how many lives you’ve simply thrown away?! Strength without compassion does not a ruler make. You care nothing for the people, sir. You cloak your desire to rule with pretty speeches, but it is petty avarice nonetheless!” Ludveck: “…So this is how it shall be? Very well… But Lady Lucia cannot be spared without my order.” Elincia: “Allowing you to plant the seeds of rebellion and play havoc with the lives of my people is a failure for which I must answer. But I will see Crimea through this trial. I will give my people the future they deserve, no matter the cost.”

Ludveck patronizes Elincia for her compassion while pretending he has the citizens' best interests at heart, but Elincia doesn't bow to his demands. She maintains her compassion along with her resolve. However, no matter how caring someone is, the fact of the matter is that decisions that help even a great deal of people still come with consequences. Elincia realizes this, and is prepared to make that sacrifice while taking responsibility—even though, as she said in PoR, she "shall never smile again."

In the beginning of PoR, Elincia lost almost everything in one fell swoop. When she was finally reunited with her retainers, the thought of sacrificing even one of them was unbearable, even if it could potentially have derailed her goal to retake her country from an invading tyrant. Now, though, she is in a position of greater power, and she is fully aware of the responsibility that comes with it. Compared to PoR, where she was so often at the mercy of others, the only thing tying her hands now is the threat to Lucia. Of course, Lucia is immensely important to her, but after spending three years working to rebuild Crimea, nothing can convince her to let it again fall to ruin under another power-hungry leader.

Thankfully, Lucia's life and Elincia's smiles are saved, thanks to Bastian secretly calling in the Greil Mercenaries. Despite her resolve, Elincia's conflicting priorities are still apparent, as in the extended version (translation on Serenes Forest provided below) she expresses wonder at her decision. As for her retainers, though their feelings on how she should handle such situations have shifted over time, they don't begrudge her decision.

Elincia: “…When Lucia was captured… It was as if I lost my other half. Even now, seeing her by my side, I feel so strange… Wondering how, at that time, I could make the decision to abandon her…” Lucia: “Lady Elincia…” Elincia: “Still… If the same scenario occurred… I believe I would make the same decision. Lucia’s life is important, but it’s not on the same scale as protecting the country. As the Queen of Crimea, I must accomplish my duty to the country foremost.” Lucia: “Of course. Seeing Lady Elincia being able to make this decision, it truly makes me happy. As if I would hate you.” Geoffrey: “My thoughts exactly.” Elincia: “Lucia, Geoffrey… I value your lives more than even my own. But it’s my duty to protect this country, even if that means losing you. I’ve learned a lot from all of this. I hope to keep them out of harm’s way, and I’ll never make the same mistakes again.”

By the end of this section, the bulk of Elincia's arc is complete. She has decided what matters to her and what she will do as queen when put into high-pressure situations. She resolves the situation by deciding to be openly harsh in punishing Ludveck's followers despite the fact that it will gain ire toward her, as refusing to do so before gave him the opening he needed. She has decided to be uncompromising in the face of reactionary politics. Not everyone in Crimea will agree with her decisions, but those closest to her will never waver in their loyalty, to the extent that they are both willing to live and die for her. It's no wonder that, as her epilogue says, "Her reign was remembered as a golden age."

Conclusion

Because I touched on the topic of Elincia's agency and how she maneuvers within the limits of it, I want to give a brief shout-out to her actions in part three. She is Gallia's ally and does not want any more bloodshed in her lands. However, due to Begnion exercising its imperial power, she cannot fully stop its army from entering her lands in pursuit of the laguz alliance. The action she ultimately takes, dropping her weapon in between the opposing armies and essentially daring them to murder a queen of a country with whom they're both allied, all without betraying her own nonviolent ideals, is an unparalleled power move.

Getting back to Elincia's trolley problems, what I find interesting is that though Elincia's decisions are different in PoR and RD, neither game condemns her for her choices. She cares for both the mass of strangers that comprise her kingdom and the loved ones who she's spent her life beside. Her situation in each game is different, so she handles each situation differently in ways that make sense given her roles, pressures, and motivations.

FE in general, and Tellius in particular, asks the characters and players to care about the fates of individual lives as well as whole worlds. Both PoR and RD present the question of what someone would or should do when these personal and political goals conflict, without giving one black-and-white answer. Elincia's arc is just one impactful example of this.

As for me, I'm not gonna lie—though Elincia doesn't have the option to reset the game whenever someone dies, I probably always will.

[yellowymellon]

iykyk

2.2 Spoilers

[comfortyart]

“You’re going to sit nicely in my lap - perhaps naked - as I give orders to our nocturnal horde from my palace throne. Bhaal’s army will be an unsurpassable dowry. I cannot wait for you to claim it.”

[y-rhywbeth2]

Fun vampire fact of the evening:

'This vampire had no coffin. Neither did he lie rigid with his hands neatly folded atop his chest. He slept sprawled on the floor, arms and legs bent at unnatural angles. The beautiful features that had smiled in the lamplight last night were contorted in what looked like fear. 'He was certainly dead — but why this position? Then it came to her. Blooders slept as they had died, and most had been laid out and buried in coffins. Jander Sunstar had obviously met his vampiric fate in a less tranquil fashion and had never seen a proper ritual burial.' - Blood Sport

As I recall Jander's sire just dumped his body in a quickly dug hole in the ground and had him dig his way out.

Astarion got a proper grave and presumably sleeps normally but I'm suddenly wondering about any characters he turns. What 'resting' pose occurs there? because apparently he's too fucking cheap to give me a ceremonial send-off and symbolic rebirthlike a respectable gothic bastard I want to dig my way out of my own grave, damn you!

[lesfir]

From "Triumph of Evil" analysis, I would like to pay attention to the final part.

BG3 Epilogue. Original God Gale. Lord Astarion.

Astarion: You can't be serious. You miss being weak? Falling ill? Ageing? devnote. NodeContext: Slight stress on 'aging' Astarion: We can be honest with each other, Gale - one immortal being to another: this is great. devnote. NodeContext: "this is great" as if confiding a secret.

"That's great" - developer: "as if confiding a secret". If AA here is unhappy inside and not honest with himself, then the developer about the "Confiding a secret" can't lie. It can be twisted that it's just for acting, whispered, for voice expression. I dont think so. Honest with each other -> that's great -> developer: as if confiding a secret.

A Secret is a truthful thing inside a person, if it is confiding all the more.

The ghost of grief, guilt and lost happiness in AAstarion's eyes in animation at 00.1 seconds and kinda stuff breaks down, of course, not just on this kind of note. But it became a special moment for me.

About the notes and context of the author Astarion, Stephen Rooney says this: When we're writing the lines there was little contexts and kind of places you could enter context so I could say just a little bit of anger on this line, little bit sadness, this is what you’re thinking about. It’s kind of like passing notes in class. (Interview: Stephen Rooney | Idle Insights | Idle Champions | D&D. 24:44 The question starts at 23:06) Next. Entering Good Ending territory. Disclaimer: I am very not close to the idea of this path, so it's partly a criticism, I guess. If power, hedonism and decadence that feel great to be with - look like chains when it's all gone. When there's no way to get the throne, you tell yourself you'd cut yourself on it and bring bad things - that's my personal interpretation. The kind of "chains" Astarion would have gotten 200 years ago, perfect Kusarigama for anyone who wants to make him a slave. It's a sad fact that adds a complex moral. This path that has been stained with blood and evil, not everyone is willing to go, it's not always necessary, it's fine without it too and be happy - but if you reach it, as it turns out, someone don't cut yourself, and feel great.

Like a quite corrupt person, a narcissist. who is Astarion

I kind of don't call myself the "make him worse" team, he's already awful enough from the start, I don't even have to try, I just agree. Maybe what makes him worse now is the final belief in an evil worldview, he was already expressing agreement at evil answers so... point in an evil fairy tale well sort of.

This dark line of development can be seen from a whole analysis. This volcano of dark desires Astarion was always on the horizon.

Don't care about others, the world, or the consequences. Do whatever you want without holding back with full protection and autonomy, even if horrible things or good things, whatever pleases you - your personality and your choice. Literally evil success. When I talk about "evil" in regards to Astarion, I always mean an attractive and complex evil that is very important to him as a character, as a whole. And since Astarion's evil flourishes in the Evil Ending, all the more so in this one. Here about it.

[vorestarr]

thoughts on vampirism as a symbol of trauma

i've been thinking about this in relation to Astarion's story arc for a while and started writing this post a couple times, only to have it become much longer than expected, so for now this post is just going to be about the different paths of ascension vs spawn from the end of his personal quest. (i think there are multiple ways to read his story, and this is just the way i've been reading and thinking about it.)

the basic idea of this post is that Astarion's vampirism is a physical manifestation or symbol of his trauma, and therefore the two different ending paths for him are distinguished by how he addresses his vampirism (and therefore trauma).

it's pretty clear that the vampirism itself is a traumatic experience for Astarion, from how he describes almost dying, then actually dying, and then everything that comes afterwards at Cazador's hands. but i think of this a step further, in that the actual symptoms of vampirism are also part of this. there's an idea that there are physical manifestations of traumatic experiences held in the body, even if the trauma itself was psychological in nature (i.e., the body keeps the score). this is how i read vampirism for Astarion, specifically.

to start, he's turned into a vampire after a traumatic experience (almost being killed by a group of people one night). he's "saved" from this by Cazador turning him into a vampire, but still his body literally dies when he turns into a vampire, which is another separate traumatic event where he feels himself die and then has to climb out of his own grave. (also noted, i believe it's hinted that Cazador orchestrated the attack on Astarion that almost killed him in the first place, so Cazador is the cause of all of this trauma in one event that is Astarion becoming a vampire.)

his body is physically changed by the experience. he loses things because of it, maybe things that were not particularly important to him but now seem incredibly important once they're gone (like walking in the sun) or things that were previously important to him and now he can no longer enjoy (living indulgences and pleasures like food, or his own reflection). also critically, he cannot get those things back. his life is changed (literally ended) and there's no fixing it.

he learns coping strategies during the subsequent 200 years, which i will not get into in this post, but suffice to say that he learned things that he believed would protect him in the moment.

after the tadpole when he experiences freedom from Cazador's influence for the first time, there are some critical shifts that happen to start him on a path to address these things, or not. the recent interview where the devs mention that the ascended path is one of fear, i really agreed with and have said similar things in previous posts, because to me, i think the main difference between how Astarion acts in those paths is that for ascension, he relies on the methods he learned in those 200 years to survive in the moment, while in the spawn path, he learns new ways to cope.

to elaborate on that, i think the ascension path specifically is about avoidance.

in trauma, avoidance is what it sounds like: avoiding any triggers or negative emotions related to the traumatic experience. the avoidance can manifest in different ways, but a key idea is that by avoiding those negative feelings, they are never actually addressed.

i think there are two big ways this manifests in Astarion's story, related to vampirism:

ascended Astarion is avoiding those negative feelings of fear of Cazador (or someone else doing what Cazador did) by focusing on seizing power and control. if he's more powerful, in control of a situation, then nothing bad can happen to him again. the way this ties back to vampirism as a symbol of trauma is that this is literally described to us in the game as the natural course of life for vampires: they live in fear of other vampires, fear of their own spawn seizing their power, etc. this is the story of Vellioth and Cazador, and then later Cazador and Astarion (regardless of the choice he makes to ascend or not). we even get a list of vampires where ALL their life spans/eras of power are timed so that we can infer that each subsequent vampire has killed the previous vampire to dethrone them. so, vampirism itself is trauma and the known course of vampirism is this same cycle we see repeated with multiple vampires and histories in game. by taking a different path and not becoming a full vampire, spawn Astarion has started to learn a new way of dealing with his vampirism/trauma, rather than avoiding it.

the OTHER major way i see this manifest in the game is how ascension and spawn paths deal with the literal symptoms of vampirism: walking in the sun, Astarion's reflection, food versus drinking blood, the vampiric state of undeath, etc. these are all things that changed about Astarion when he became a vampire, and things that (in the normal course of events) cannot be changed back. he died, he's dead, there's no curing his vampirism. in other words, there's no going back to who he was before the traumatic experiences. that by itself is a neutral statement, the same way that there's no going back to who a person is before any major event (be it meeting someone important, choosing to take a certain job, etc etc), because we are all constantly changing and growing. HOWEVER, i think the places with Astarion where this stops being neutral is how he addresses that fact: with acceptance or avoidance.

to elaborate on the second point, which is my main reason for making this post:

on the spawn path, Astarion learns new ways to be and to live with his vampirism. in his epilogue, he can mention that he's not bothered by losing the sun again, he can describe finding a sense of belonging with others who share his vampirism, and he can define himself in new ways that he's picked for himself rather than stay in the definition of vampire that Cazador held.

in the ascension path, Astarion avoids all of those difficult realizations and choices. he falls back on the same strategies that helped him survive in the moment for those 200 years, but which can and do hurt him after escaping that environment. he's working hard to keep from addressing those negative feelings -- and on the surface, this works! he can walk in the sun without the tadpole! he has new vampire powers and he can do all the things he lost when he died! he can see his own reflection again! but, he's still a vampire, still has his fangs, still has his red eyes.

this is why i think the route is characterized by fear and why i found that interview with the devs interesting: by focusing on all those avoidance behaviors, Astarion ends up being stuck in a state of mind that's all about fear because it's all about avoiding that feeling. he feels great in the moment because he has been able to claim back some of what was taken from him, but this is not a solution because he's still a vampire.

personally, i do not read the ascension path as continuing a cycle of abuse, but as the continuation of avoiding the painful process of healing from trauma.

ascended Astarion is elated after killing Cazador because he feels the power flowing through him and it makes him feel safe in the moment, and because he is avoiding addressing any lingering feelings of pain or negativity, including avoiding addressing that he just killed 7000 people.

spawn Astarion meanwhile looks absolutely miserable immediately after killing Cazador when he cries and breaks down, and then he feels numb later because he's so overwhelmed. this i think resembles something that can happen in trauma therapy, where a person feels worse when they initially start addressing and working through their trauma, because it means actually feeling all of those negative emotions they've been avoiding.

in the end, ascended Astarion has not changed how he addresses his trauma or vampirism, and the ascension has actually given him more tools to continue avoidance. spawn Astarion meanwhile is exploring other ways of living with his vampirism, and can be experiencing success with that by the time the epilogue rolls around (even if there are some bumps and regressions along the way, like losing his ability to walk in the sun again).

because this is my main reading, i also don't think this makes ascended Astarion evil or irredeemable -- i think he shows that he does still have all the emotions that he's displayed through the game and therefore he still has the potential to follow the same path that spawn Astarion did in healing. but, the critical thing with the ascension path is that he does not have the clear motivation or triggering event to start him down that path. he's further away from that, and it will take more work to get there. everything he did after all comes back to the ways he learned to survive under Cazador, so those behaviors helped him at one point. the issue is that he's past the point of those things helping him, but he can't let them go.

tl;dr: i like looking at vampirism itself as a physical symbol of trauma and as a way to read Astarion's potential storylines, because it provides a context for me to view how the ascension and spawn paths treat his vampiric symptoms -- avoiding them in the ascension path by giving him an "out" of sorts to avoid addressing how those symptoms impact his life because of the extra abilities granted to him by the ritual, versus being forced to grapple with them and figure out a way to life with them and even enjoy them on his own terms in the spawn ending.

if you read this whole post, thanks for sticking with me and feel free to share your thoughts too. :)

[ineed-to-sleep]

ENDING SPOILERS FOR BG3 AHEAD

Hate that I found this scene kinda hot

[emmriches]

emmrich’s personal choice quest holds a weight to it that i really feel like the others didn’t or tried and couldn’t

[meet-me-on-saturn]

based on recent events in my current play through

[1982brucespringsteen]

durge and astarion: *fucking on top of astarion's grave*

halsin: *about to propose joining their relationship*

[netmors]

STAR WARS: Eleventh Fleet AU

Suddenly starting the new year with a logo for the Eleventh Fleet.

Maybe it will be changed a little over time, but for now I like it. A little exciting, because… I’ve never made a logo like this before. Not for my stories.

I was very much inspired by the style of "Fallen Order" and the "Prequel Trilogy". An elegant variation of the Trajan Bold font sets off the massive main logo of the franchise well.

… And I also thought that if this story had a musical theme, then it would be something between the theme of “Eno Cordova” from “Jedi: Fallen Order” and “To The Stars” from “Dragon Heart”. Basically an AU about the imperial fleet and the chiss fleet, but I would like to add more of an “adventure” note…

…Like the flight of many stars in the dark sea of outer space in and beyond the Galaxy Far, Far Away. After all, Star Wars is a space opera.