#past the skip. she kind of became aware that something was wrong? and her expressions oh my gof

[zincbot]

HM. MIRABELLE?

[desertno3]

Violet – Chapter Four (5/7)

When Sean finally meets his daughter, you wonder why you ever left him in the first place.

Sean Wallace x fem!reader Chapter Four: 1991 words

Prologue // Chapter One // Chapter Two // Chapter Three

A/N: Hi! This chapter became longer than I ever planned it to be lol and as a result this series is now going to be seven parts instead of six! Low-key excited about what’s coming up but for now, I hope you enjoy this chapter! 🧡🧡

Taglist: @ysmmsy​ @prettyinpayne​ @the-a-word-2214​ @peakywitch​ @danceyreagan​ @ella1grace03 @whenthe-smokeisinyoureyes​

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist for this series! ​

You wipe your hands on a tea towel when you hear the front door open, signalling Violet and Sean’s return. You then hear Violet’s footsteps pitter-patter down the hallway, immediately followed by Sean telling her to come back and take her shoes off first. Smiling to yourself, you leave the kitchen and head over to greet them, finding Sean knelt down and helping your daughter out of the aforementioned shoes.

“We’re back mum!” Violet says happily when she sees you.

“Yes, I can see that, love,” You smile before giving her a look. “Vi, you know how to take off your own shoes.”

“It’s fine,” Sean assures you, leaning over to place them neatly off to the side. 

He had been visiting frequently ever since you and Vi moved into your new place - an arrangement you both had agreed on not long after everything had been dealt with. He wanted to be an active part of Violet’s life and you were more than willing to let that happen, knowing how much it would mean not only to him but to Violet, too. She still didn’t know the truth about Sean but it was clear she’d grown attached nonetheless, her eyes never failing to light up every time you told her Sean was coming over. Today, she had been particularly excited because he promised he would take her to a park.

“There was a pond at the park, mum!” Violet exclaims excitedly, practically bouncing where she stood. “And we saw so many ducks! And swans. And gooses! One got angry at Sean.”

She’s giggling as she tells you the latter and you look at Sean with an amused expression on your face. Still crouched before your daughter, he glances up to give you a deadpan look as if to say don’t even ask, which makes you snort.

You both miss the way Violet’s gaze flits between the both of you curiously, a happy smile forming on her face. She then throws her arms around Sean, hugging him farewell.

“Bye Sean.”

He sways a little at the force with which she throws herself at him but manages to steady himself, chuckling as he hugs her back.

“So eager to be rid of me, hm?”

Violet pulls away with a sheepish look on her face, “I’m going to watch TV now.”

“Go on then,” He taps her nose. “I’ll see you later.”

She grins at him and then she’s gone, energetically sprinting past you and down the hallway, making a quick beeline for the living room.

“You don’t need to run!” You call out to her but it’s futile, she’d already disappeared into the other room. Behind you, you hear Sean chuckle.

“You’re such a mum,” He teases, getting up onto his feet.

You let out an amused scoff in response, folding your arms across your chest. “Don’t even start, she'll be a little terror if I don’t give her some rules to adhere to.”

Sean smiles fondly, thinking about his little terror of a daughter. While you were mostly joking, Sean knew there was a bit of truth to your statement. It was a task and a half to wrangle Violet sometimes, the headstrong little thing that she was. Unsurprising, Sean thinks amusedly, considering who her parents were.

But as difficult as she could be sometimes, Sean had seen first-hand all the good values you’d managed to instill in her. You’d definitely raised a sweet kid, one who was wonderfully earnest and full of kindness, and he tells you just as much, with a genuine sincerity in his tone that catches you off guard.

“You’ve raised her well, y/n,” He says sincerely, leaving you speechless for a moment. You didn’t expect to hear that from him at all.

“Thanks, Sean. I feel like I’m a terrible mum sometimes,” You confess quietly. “So that’s… that means a lot.”

He smiles and you’re sure your heart skips a beat.

You didn’t want to admit it but you enjoyed Sean's visits just as much as Violet did. The more time you spent around him, the more you found yourself falling for him all over again. You’d forgotten how well the two of you could get along and on top of that, watching him and Violet spend time together made you melt. You had no real inkling as to how he felt about you but moments like these definitely didn’t help your growing feelings.

“Do you want to stay for dinner?”

It comes out of your mouth before you could even think to stop yourself and when you see the surprise and hesitation on his face, you immediately regret asking.

“You don’t have to, obviously,” You assure him, trying to backtrack. “You probably have things to do.”

He winces apologetically, “Yeah, I’m sorry. I’ve got to go back to the office tonight, unfortunately. Take care of some things.”

“That’s fine!” You reply almost too quickly, embarrassed at the fact that you might’ve been too forward by asking him in the first place. “No worries.”

There’s an awkward pause where neither you nor Sean know what to say next and you sigh, feeling like you’d just ruined a perfectly good moment between you two.

“Well I won’t keep you then,” You continue as nonchalantly as you could, hoping he didn’t notice how mortified you were. “I hope you have a good night.”

“Yeah, you too.”

He gives you one last parting smile and you watch as he heads out the door, hating how disappointed and embarrassed you feel after it clicks shut behind him.

You stand there for a moment before letting out an agonised groan and heading back to the kitchen, trying to forget that conversation ever happened.

The rest of your night is filled with your usual routine - dinner, dishes and then giving Violet a bath before bed - but no matter how hard you try, you can't help but keep dwelling on the exchange, ruminating on what it might have meant.

You were starting to feel foolish for thinking that maybe things were changing between you and Sean. That’s what led you to ask him to stay for dinner to begin with, thinking you were both at a place where that could happen without any tension or awkwardness. Maybe you were wrong. Maybe he wouldn’t have stayed even if he didn’t have business to attend to. 

You shake your head, trying to stop yourself from going further down that rabbit hole. You were going to drive yourself crazy if you kept thinking about it. The fact of the matter was that you had no idea how Sean felt about you but he was here nonetheless because he cared about Violet. You just had to live with that and forget your feelings.

Easier said than done, you think sourly. When the mere sight of him makes my goddamn heart race.

"Mummy?" Violet asks while you shampoo her hair, bringing you out of your spiral of thoughts.

"Hm?"

"You and Sean should get married."

You nearly choke on the air you breathe. Pausing your actions, you look at her in bewilderment but her eyes are on her hands as she glides them through the soapy water.

“Why do you say that, Vi?” You pry gently.

You wonder if you’d been that obvious with your feelings or if maybe Sean had said something, but she just shrugs like it was simply a passing thought she decided to say out loud.

“Sean and I are friends, darling,” You say to her, though you were starting to wonder if maybe that label was a stretch. “Usually people who get married are dating each other."

Violet makes a contemplative face, “Will you and Sean do that?”

“What, date?”

She nods, leaving you more confused than ever.

“I doubt it, Vi,” You sigh.

I burned that bridge a long time ago.

You massage her scalp gently, lathering up the shampoo as you watch her continue to play with the water, your own mind racing.

“Did you want us to date?” You ask her, still trying to figure out where this was coming from.

She nods again.

“Why?”

Violet looks sheepish now, patting away at the bubbles that surrounded her, and she says shyly, “So then I can have a dad.”

~

You sit against your headboard with your head in your hands, thinking about everything that had transpired since the late afternoon. Not only were you dealing with your reemerging feelings for Sean - who most likely did not reciprocate them - you were also dealing with a daughter who suggested you marry the man because that was the only way she thought she could get a dad.

Letting out a frustrated groan, you press your head against your forearms. You were acutely aware that you would not be dealing with any of this if you’d never left Sean in the first place. You sit there despairingly for a long while before a persistent buzz from your phone starts to fill the air. Lifting your head, you blink in surprise at the caller ID before answering it.

“Sean?”

“Hi,” His voice comes through the speaker, making your heart involuntarily skip a beat. “Sorry, I know it’s late.”

“It’s fine,” You assure him, shifting the phone to a more comfortable position. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, I just… I wanted to apologise again for not being able to stay for dinner. I should have taken you up on it, the meeting I went to instead was the dullest shit imaginable.”

You can’t help the small laugh that bubbles out of your throat at the grouchy tone his voice takes on as he tells you about how dull it was, “Sorry to hear that.”

He hums in response and you could just imagine the amused smirk on his face. “You don’t sound very sorry.”

“Well, I don’t know,” You reply. “Violet spent all of dinner telling me about every animal you saw at the pond today. Not sure if you would prefer a play-by-play of your own day over the meeting.”

“You underestimate how boring the meeting was.”

“No,” You laugh. “I’ll take your word for it.”

There’s a natural lull in the conversation and you know you have to take the opportunity to clear the air, for the sake of your own sanity.

“Sean,” You start, steeling yourself with an inhale. “I hope I didn’t overstep earlier, asking you to stay for dinner.”

“Overstep?”

“I… I worried you might’ve thought it was a bit much. The three of us have never properly spent time all together so I realise that it might have been a big ask and-”

“It was fine, y/n,” He says softly, quelling your worries. “I was surprised you asked but it wasn’t a problem. I would’ve liked it, the three of us together.”

After all that time you’d spent ruminating earlier, the statement is more than you ever expected from him. So much so that you’re rendered speechless, your heart in your throat.

“That’s why I called, actually,” He continues. “I wanted to ask if you and Vi wanted to come over for dinner next weekend. To make up for the fact that I couldn’t tonight.”

You don’t even have to think twice about your answer.

“Yes, of course. We’d love to.”

“Great,” He says and you can hear the smile in his voice. “I’ll see you both then.”

You can’t help but smile in return, “Looking forward to it.”

“Me too. Goodnight y/n.”

“Night, Sean.”

You’re giddy as you place your phone on your bedside table and settle into bed for the night, Sean’s call single-handedly flipping your entire mood. Maybe it was silly to feel that way after just one phone call but you couldn’t help it, not when it came to Sean. Against all your better judgement, you feel a little spark of hope in your chest as you drift off to sleep.

Maybe there was something there after all.

[rintarouweb]

promise.

paring: asahi x gn! reader 

genre: fluff to angst, light angst, friends to roommates to lovers

warnings: light angst? mentions of cheating, unedited

word count: 3.4k+

notes: this turned out a lot longer than intended and took me too long to finish. the ending was rushed but i hope you like it !! this is also my first time writing for hq ヽ(^◇^*)/

azumane asahi had never been a stranger to feelings of love or, in many cases, feelings of infatuation. anyone who knew asahi was well aware of the fact that he was a romantic with a heart that was bigger than his body - something that says a lot given his tall and wide stature. throughout his three years of high school, asahi had found himself harboring feelings for a classmate or peer. a few times, they even went on to develop into a relationship. while he wasn’t extremely experienced in the area, the former ace wasn’t completely clueless when it came to love - or so he thought. 

a boy by the name of hiroaki was asahi’s first ‘serious’ relationship. the two boys were classmates paired together for an english assignment once, then twice, and over time their feelings for one another had blossomed - like tulips in the spring. after hiroaki confessed his feelings for his seatmate, asahi was floating on air. everyone around him could see how much happier he seemed. a sparkle in his eyes, a skip in his step. asahi felt finally full being with him, but that quickly changed after the first month of their relationship. 

the boy who was once kind, loving, and so supportive of his partner became anything but those things towards asahi. it started with hiro becoming more judgemental of the ace, especially when it came to the way asahi showed him affection. suddenly, asahi wanting to hold hands, be cuddled, or even a small peck on the lips was ‘annoying’ and ‘too much’ for hiro. asahi shrugged it off. things were fine and if not, then they’d figure themselves out eventually. he just needed to be better for hiro so they’d be happy, so hiroaki wouldn’t be so angry anymore. over time, hiroaki continued to pull himself away from asahi. ignoring the feeling in his gut and the advice of his older sister, he allowed himself to once again get caught up in love. 

it wasn’t until his three month anniversary that asahi reached his breaking point. a picnic that his sister and mother helped him pack was tucked away in the woven basket. he sat on a large and soft picnic blanket that provided cushion against the hard ground underneath the zelkova tree. an hour passed, then another. it was beginning to reach the later hours of the afternoon when asahi let out a defeated sigh, feeling embarrassed as he sat alone in he and his boyfriend’s favorite spot in the park. he hadn’t heard from hiroaki for hours now. there was no call or text saying he was running late, that he couldn’t make it, or that he wanted to reschedule their date. 

asahi’s vision quickly started to blur, the unshed tears threatening to fall a burning feeling settled in the back of his throat. he wiped them away with his sleeve, gathered his things, and began his journey home. the brown-haired boy wasn’t too far from his home when he saw the reason - or rather, the person why hiro hadn’t shown up for their date. hiroaki was busy with a guy, one he claimed to be just friends with. the lump in asahi’s throat had grown as he watched the scene before him unfold.  a bright smile flashed on hiroaki’s face, one that asahi hadn’t seen for weeks, as the boy moved to give a kiss to his ‘friend’.

ignoring the aching in his heart and the overwhelming need to find the nearest private space and sob until his he was content, asahi swallowed the tears and ran home, flowers clutched in his hold. the second he stepped into his bedroom, his walls came crashing down. the dam had finally broke. 

asahi’s emotional pain flowed out of his pores, anyone could smell the sadness pouring out of them. a loud, cracked, and nearly raw sob escaped past his lips. the stream of tears grew, becoming thicker as his body shook violently under his comforter. in the midst of his tears, asahi had failed to hear the person entering his room, or notice his mattress sinking next to him, and the hand that had started rubbing soothing circles onto his back.  

“asahi?” your voice barely above a whisper, but loud enough for your friend to hear you. still, he remained facing away from you with his face squished on his pillow. “what happened, bub? i thought you were with hiro today.”

a cry left him at the mention of his boyfriend, or perhaps he was his ex now. with all the time he spent daydreaming about love, asahi never would’ve imagined this. he knew love could hurt, he had seen his sister go through heartbreak more times than he could count on one hand, but he never imagined it hurting like this. the weight on his chest was unbearable, making it hard for him to breathe or get a coherent word out. 

“do you want to talk about it?” you asked as your hand scratched the hair at the nape of his neck. having his hair played with was something that always managed to comfort asahi, but seeing as it was still tied up into a bun, you didn’t want to just take his hair out without knowing if he wanted your comfort or not. 

a sniffle came from asahi along with a nod. before you could move to respond, he was turning around to face you with swollen, bloodshot eyes and swollen cheeks. “can you play with my hair too?” 

“of course. i’ll always be here for you, asahi.” 

“promise?”

“i promise.” 

- 

intentionally or not, you kept the promise you made to asahi that day. you were always there for him through his lows and highs and he did the same for you in return. even though he was a mess himself, something he never denied or shied away from admitting, he did his best to comfort you, offer advice, or help in any way you might’ve needed or wanted. 

it took a few months for asahi to completely get over hiroaki but once his heart was fully healed, he was ready to give love a chance again. much to his demise, the flames seemed to burn out quickly. he told himself it was because of volleyball and his studies, he was too focused, too busy for a significant other and that was why the relationships didn’t work. and if he wasn’t thinking that he was too busy, he was wondering if it was too much or sometimes too little for his partners. asahi had always struggled with his own insecurities and after being cheated on was a huge blow to the self confidence he spent so much time carefully building up. in his first year of college, he ended up in a relationship that only worsened those insecurities. 

asahi found himself falling for a person in his fashion design class, yuna. looking back, he wonders if he truly loved her or if her being so, so different from hiroaki was what pulled him in. 

yuna and asahi were both in their second year of college when they met in their fashion design class. outside of the one class they had together, the two rarely saw each other - aside from the few run ins here and there on campus grounds. most people who knew yuna, or at least of her, were aware of the fact she was considered to be a ‘loner.’ the thing was, yuna was relatively popular. the girl attended parties often and whenever she wasn’t alone, she was with a new group of people no one had seen her with before. so, when the news of yuna and asahi being in a relationship got around, people were surprised to say the least. 

asahi was timid, especially for a big guy, and everyone knew that. on the other hand, yuna was a relatively short girl with the personality of a shaken up soda. yet somehow with their opposites, they made it work for quite a while. for asahi, it felt as if centuries had passed since his relationship with his first love hiroaki but sometimes old wounds reopened. yuna not only tried to be understanding of asahi’s insecurities, she supported him emotionally and gave him the reassurance he needed. from then, asahi felt as if he finally had found love again. 

the couple was together for five (5) months when yuna expressed that she didn’t have a place to stay at the for the next term. asahi asked yuna to move in and from there, it seemed as if things would only keep going up. oh, but he couldn’t have been more wrong. 

many people will agree that breakups that come out of nowhere are the most hurtful kind and after experiencing one for himself, asahi couldn’t help but agree. asahi and yuna were both wanting to pursue their fashion careers, looking for internships all over just to have the opportunity to work under a gifted designer. asahi landed a position in tokyo, which would’ve been great for their relationship if yuna hadn’t gotten an internship in an entirely different country. after several hour long conversations, the pair agreed that breaking up would be the best for them. they both knew it was coming at some point but that didn’t mean it hurt any less. the day yuna departed to the airport was a painful one to say the least. the last time asahi cried that hard was that day so many years ago when he saw his high school boyfriend cheating on him. 

when asahi closed his apartment door behind him, there was no way to ignore or deny the silence that weighed down on him. yuna’s things had been slowly disappearing from the apartment for months but now, he was finally completely alone. for some, silence was a thing that brought comfort but for asahi, the silence was only more room for his thoughts to weigh down on him. 

he could’ve found an internship in the states, then he would’ve been able to stay with yuna. why didn’t he bring up long distance? they could’ve made it work, so why didn’t he try?

his body sunk into the couch even deeper and a sigh escaped his lips. what the hell was he supposed to do now? it was nearly one in the morning, on a tuesday nonetheless, and just about everyone he knew was either asleep or involved in something he had no part in. your name flashed in his mind and a small smile graced his lips. you were usually awake at the most random hours of the night, or morning. asahi could call you, right? even if you didn’t answer by some chance, there’s no harming in trying. his fingers moved to unlock his phone, rushing to find your contact and letting out a sigh once the line started to ring. 

“hello?” 

“oh, uhm, hi,” asahi whispered. 

“is something wrong? do you need me to come over?” the keyboard clicks he heard on the other line came to a stop as you waited for his answer. he assumed you were editing a video, or working on a new piece of writing. you always told him your mind worked better at night, the moon helped your ‘creative juices flow.’ 

he nodded but remembered you couldn’t see him and responded with a short “yes, please.” 

asahi could only feel relieved at the fact you were awake at such an hour, let alone willing to come over and comfort him, or even just sit in silence for a few hours. unbeknownst to him, this was all part of the promise you made to yourself in high school. it was all part of being a good friend and being there for him the way he had been there for you countless times as well. about thirty minutes later, his apartment door opened and asahi was glad he gave you, daichi, and suga all your own emergency key so he wouldn’t have to leave his spot on the couch to let you in. you made yourself at home as soon as you came in. hanging up your coat and stepping out of your shoes, you sat down next to him and placed a bag of food on the coffee table in front of you. 

“eat,” you pushed the bag towards him. a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth but it never fully rose. 

no words were exchanged while the two of you ate. asahi’s attention was focused on the show he had put on and yours was focused on him. his long, dark hair was out of his usual bun he pulled it into and it fell a bit passed his shoulders. a pair of glasses rested on his nose, the glare from the light making it difficult to see just how red the whites of his eyes had become.

“you know, if you’re worried about getting lonely here, i could always move in.” 

asahi’s head turned towards you, eyebrows furrowed. “why would you do that?”

“well,” you swallowed, “don’t like my current roommate. i can’t even exist in peace there. we’ve been friends for forever, you know all my habits, i know all yours. plus your apartment’s closer to my internship.” 

“when can you move in?”

you were moved and settled into the apartment two weeks later. the room that was once yuna’s space for working on designs had been turned into your bedroom and asahi couldn’t be happier. well, he was as happy as he could be for someone who was recovering from a breakup.

 without a doubt, asahi was the best roommate you had and vice versa. your monrings started off with him offering you a cup of coffee, tea, or whatever you had a taste for that morning before leaving for his morning run. breakfast dates, or any sort of platonic date for the two of you only became more common after becoming roommates. some days it was going into the city and grabbing breakfast before spending most of the day shopping. other days, that meant sitting in a quiet diner and catching up. 

your roommate had been extremely busy recently, finally being given the chance to debut his own fashion line and you couldn’t have been happier for him. while you loved and definitely supported asahi in his dreams, things around the apartment had gotten a bit lonely. besides you there were numerous kinds of plants all over the shared space. asahi loved plants, he was a self proclaimed plant dad and living with him only made you grow fond of the green things he called your children. as much as you loved the plants now, they were no match against the nights you and asahi would spend sprawled out on either of your beds eating takeout and binge watching a show that took you both ages to agree on. 

tonight was just another day where you both had agreed on hanging out once asahi got finished with his day. it was nothing extravagant or over the top, just ordering takeout and watching movies while camped out in his room. the food came a bit after asahi got home, he greeted you with a quick hug before excusing himself to the shower and you gave him a small nod and smile. things between you two had been changing recently, slowly but ever so surely. it wasn’t odd for asahi to be affectionate with you, or other of his close friends, but his touches went from quick hugs and occasional cuddles after a rough day to lingering touches, holding your hands in his, and a forehead kiss here and there. it wasn’t a bad change for either of you, actually. based off of the way your heart fluttered whenever his hand brushed yours or the way his chest felt warm and fuzzy whenever he saw you, it couldn’t have been a bad thing, right? definitely not. 

while asahi was in the shower, you sat on his bed cuddled up with one of his favorite stuffed animals: a giant turtle he named melvin. asahi had a collection of stuffed animals, he treasured them no matter how big or small they were. the shelf above his desk was filled with small stuffies he received as gifts from his friends or family, a few from you, actually. once you started scrolling through titles on netflix, asahi entered the room and got settled next to you on his large, comfy bed. 

his hair was tied up into it’s classic bun, a few lose strands fell and framed his face. the hoodie he wore somehow managed to make someone as large and broad as him look tiny. was this the kind of thing asahi did with people he was dating? were you two dating? no, you were both just friends and had been since you were teenagers. nothing more, nothing less. that was what you told yourself any time you found your heart skipping beats because of something asahi said or did, sometimes even just being around the boy was enough for the butterflies in your stomach to go crazy. you pushed those thoughts and unnamed feelings to the back burner. being his roommate was great, you couldn’t- you weren’t going to ruin that because of some feelings you weren’t even sure of. 

by now, the takeout was discarded in the trash and the two of you snuggled up together under the covers. for warmth. it was cold, asahi was a human heater, so it only made sense that you wanted to be close to him. the movie binge had been going on for a few hours, you’d gotten through a few episodes of a show you wanted to watch and halfway through a movie that turned out to be garbage before deciding to watch disney’s tangled for the hundredth time.

asahi laid with his head on your stomach, giving you room to rake your fingers through your hair but still be comfortable. one of his arms was wrapped around your thigh, almost using it like a pillow, and the other held a small stuffed bear close to his chest. the movie was getting to the part where rapunzel was telling mother gothel about the floating lanterns when asahi decided to interrupt the comfortable silence that had fallen onto you. 

"bubba,” he called, grabbing your attention. you let out a small hum, letting the boy know that you heard him. you could physically feel the way his body tensed under your touch before he turned around so he could face you. his arms held him up to avoid his body weight falling entirely on top of you. the color was drained from his face and you could tell from that and the way his eyes avoided your own that he was nervous, overthinking something. 

“i’ve known you since... forever. i can’t imagine my life without you,” he started, “if it wasn’t for you, i’d be so lost right now.”

“why are you so sappy all the sudden?” you snorted. your attempt to lighten the atmosphere made asahi smile, his cheeks growing a bit pink at that too. you weren’t sure if he noticed the way your face was burning at his words, or the fact that your heart was ready to leap out of your chest and right into his arms. maybe, just maybe you were now sure of where your feelings for asahi stood. he shrugged and let out a large puff of air, his head falling back onto your stomach with a small grunt. your hands tangled in his hair once again as his attention went back to the movie. there were a few minutes of silence between the two of you before you pushed your anxiety aside and took a deep breath. 

“asahi, i don’t know if we can be friends anymore.” 

“wa- what? why not?” 

“i don’t see you as just my friend, or my roommate, even. i haven’t seen you that way for a while, if i’m being honest. and i wasn’t going to say anything but you said that and i just-” you groaned and covered your face with your hands. “asahi, i’m in love with you.” 

his throat was dry, his heart was beating so fast he was sure he’d end up dizzy in a few seconds but this chance was in front of him after waiting for so long, he wasn’t going to let it slip away from him. 

“can i kiss you?”

[ajokeformur-ray]

Hey we talked earlier. I just wanted to send my request before I forget. Can you write a fluff piece where the reader has an emotional break down and Arthur comforts her? One day it gets to be too much. She screams and starts to cry. Arthur comforts her, helps her get a bath and cuddles in bed with her. Thanks so much ❤️

Hi, my love! Yes, I remember asking you to send this in to me so I didn’t accidentally forget about it - it’s so hard to keep track of DMs and I really appreciate you taking the time to send this in to me.  I’m really sorry that I wasn’t able to get this out to you in time, life has been... quite difficult lately and it’s gotten in the way of things I want to do. I hope you like this, darling, and that things get better for you!💚

TW; dissociative tendencies, general sadness, non-sexual nudity (Arthur gives you a bath), ONE reference to being suicidal right at the end of this piece (Arthur’s thoughts; canon). If you think that any of these warnings may negatively affect you in any way then please consider skipping this piece. Take care of yourselves, loves!

Word count: 2, 874. 

You could feel how close you were to breaking down. It was approaching you a little bit closer every single day and at this point, there was little to nothing which could be done to stop it from happening. You were too far gone and, if you were really being truthful with yourself, you didn’t want to even try to stop it from happening. What was the point? It would happen whether you wanted it to or not, such was the stage you had reached within yourself. You didn’t have the time to break down emotionally, but that was the difficult thing about feelings. They demanded to be felt and you could only wait it out and hope that the resulting destruction wasn’t the wrong kind of chaos.

You knew not when the oncoming storm would become the incoming storm, but you knew, somewhere deep inside your tormented soul, that it wouldn’t be long. You could feel yourself beginning to crack around your rough edges. You could feel the world becoming both too loud and yet too quiet. Everything was muted by the roaring of blood in your ears and yet heightened was it in sound by the pounding in your head, which only made you more susceptible to headaches caused by stress. When Arthur touched you, it was like electricity was crawling across the surface of your skin. You were hyper aware of every moment during which his arm brushed against you when he walked past you in the apartment; the touch both accidental but also something which Arthur needed so that he knew you were right there beside him. When someone spoke, it was too loud and yet too quiet. Whenever you had a moment to yourself, you became aware of how desperately you needed to cry, to scream out to the world about your pains.

You felt invisible...

... But not alone.

Never were you alone when you were with Arthur. You had known great loneliness in your life, and horrible bouts of isolation when situations and circumstances bigger than you had taken your loved ones away from you for who knew how long, but since the day you had met Arthur, a seemingly ordinary way which had witnessed the very birth of serendipity, you hadn’t ever felt truly alone. Even in your perceived invisibility were you seen by him, just as you were the only one to see him when he, too, thought himself to be invisible.If anyone understood what you were going through, it was Arthur. He, who had been so abused, neglected and mistreated in multiple ways across his three decades and some of life. He, who had been tried and tested, used up and left for dead. He... who held your battered heart in the palms of his weathered hands and desperately tried to help you with the strength of his death defying love for you. There was nothing which Arthur wouldn’t do for you, just as there was nothing which you wouldn’t do for him, and each and every day did the two of you prove this depth of love to the other person.

You were this close to breaking down emotionally. You both hoped that you were alone when the storm tailored to your experiences hit, and wished that Arthur was there to see it happen so that he could be there for you. All, if not most, of the old wives’ tales which you had been raised on had even a small amount of truth to them, and so you should have known to be careful what you wish for. 

In the end, all it took was for Arthur to look at you.

There was nothing... special about the look on his face. He just glanced over at you from where he was stood in the living room, his sea green eyes sought out your own and... you lost the fight. Your breath caught in your throat and you coughed a little, as if to clear your airways. But there was nothing to be cleared. Your breath caught again and your sharp inhale made Arthur’s gaze sharpen as he looked at you, as he really looked at you. He had known that something wasn’t right, he had known that you were suffering, but he also knew you well enough to know that he couldn’t push you to tell him. With patience and persistence and a great deal of worry had Arthur simply waited for the inevitable, just as you had. All at once did everything come crashing down and Arthur saw the precise second that your ceramic mask, the one you put on every day before you left the apartment, slipped off your face and shattered all over the floor into a thousand pieces. A scream had an ice cold grip around your tried heart and it clawed its way up to your throat, up, up. It was right on the tip of your tongue and you clamped a hand down over your mouth to muffle the desperate noise which escaped you.

Arthur’s dark brows were furrowed and almost touching, so deep was his concern for you, and he cooed in understanding. “Oh, Y/N,” Arthur opened his arms, ready to welcome you home. His tone was soft and his words were gentle. Arthur was everything you needed in this moment but his sympathy, as warm as summer, only made you feel worse, somehow. You took one step forward, and then another, and a paragraph from a page in Arthur’s journal which you had accidentally read once slipped into your mind just as you fell into Arthur’s arms. Step step step step step. “Come here, darling. I’m here. Not going anywhere.” You remained in Arthur’s arms for only a few moments, tears beginning to blur your vision. The urge to scream was still there, but you didn’t give into it. Instead, you found yourself wanting to cry. It was a more peaceful mode of self-expression and you tried to be casual in the way you swiped a hand over your face. But Arthur knew you like he knew the backs of his veiny, weathered hands, and he saw you. “Why don’t we get you a bath, hm?” You nodded, your breaths coming faster now, and quicker. Arthur shushed you gently and his thin lips, cool to the touch, pressed a tender, lingering kiss to your temple. 

You closed your eyes to fully enjoy and to take in Arthur’s gentle, tender affections, and the man cooed in sympathy once more as he walked with you to the bathroom. His steps were slow and measured and you thought that you picked up on his humming of Slap that Bass, though you were unsure due to how beautifully off-key Arthur was. Your own mind seemed far away and yet so close to you and through a television screen did you watch Arthur turn the taps, the tendons in his wrists so prominent as they seemed to almost protrude through his skin. Oh, how badly you wanted to press a kiss to his pulse point. To feel his heartbeat against your lips, to feel the most real proof of his existence right there. You wanted Arthur in the most emotionally intimate of ways and you knew that Arthur knew exactly how to give that to you. The bath filled quickly with water and you got yourself undressed. You were shy about your body, especially in front of Arthur, but you were too emotionally distraught to do much about it. The gentleness with which Arthur took care of you as he washed your hair only caused tears to come into your eyes and Arthur shushed you quietly. He meant not to tell you to be quiet, he meant not to tell you that you couldn’t cry, but he was meaning to tell you that he was there with you. That it was his deft fingers in your hair as he used the right amount of each of your products. Somehow did he know that you liked to leave your conditioner in while you washed yourself over to give it time to work with your hair, and Arthur kept you focused on him and on his actions. He refused to let you sink deep inside yourself, knowing was he that what you needed right now was some tender loving care.

You needed him and Arthur felt a secret thrill run up his back. He loved how much you needed him and, truth be told, he needed you just as much. Soon were you physically taken care of and Arthur helped you up and out of the bath, wrapping his best towel around you. It only had two holes in it. He felt a stab of guilt that he didn’t have any towels which weren’t falling apart at the literal seams, but he reminded himself that you wanted him for all that he was and all that he would ever be, and the love which swelled in his frail chest at the thought brought a smile to his face. 

Love.

“What do you want, Y/N? Dinner or cuddles?” Arthur’s quiet, soft rasp broke through your silent reverie, shattering it much like your carefully applied mask every morning had broken when you had finally laid eyes on your Arthur less than an hour ago. How time flew when you were with him. 

“’M not hungry, Arthur,” You dashed a hand over your face and roughly dried yourself off. Arthur frowned in disapproval. Didn’t you have any patience with yourself? He wondered how you could treat yourself so awfully but be so tender with him, but he knew the answer already, for he did the very same thing. “Can’t we just go to bed? Please?”

Oh, help him. Arthur cupped your face in his cool hands and used the calloused pads of his thumbs to wipe your tears away. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and you bit back a sob. Fuck, you loved him. He was always so good to you. You could only hope that you were just as good to him. He deserved nothing less. “Yeah,” Arthur nodded, granting you what you wanted easily. It was only early evening, not yet nine, but he was exhausted, too, and all he wanted was to climb into bed and cuddle you until the world melted away and all he knew was the two of you. On this night were your wants and needs aligned. “We can do that.” Anything for you, sweetheart. Arthur choked on his next words and so he was unable to finish his sentence, but you heard them anyway. You would always hear Arthur, just as he would always hear you.

Arthur headed out into the living room, subtly leaving you to get dressed into the clothes you preferred to sleep in while he cleaned up the mostly tidy apartment. The man of the house took care of messes, he never created them. Dirty plates were piled in the sink to be washed tomorrow. Overflowing ashtrays were emptied and the ashes which were spilled over were deftly swept into his hand and put into the rubbish bin which sat underneath the coffee table. Everything was taken care of with hasty movements, rushing was Arthur to be with you, his one and only who understood him. After he was done, Arthur retreated back into the bedroom and the door shut behind him with a quiet but firm click. You could wholly let go, now. It wasn’t that you couldn’t have let go before, but there was something about cuddling in bed with Arthur, your nightly ritual and your most favourite tradition, that made it easier for you to be your entire self.  Lying in bed were you, the duvet pulled up to your chin and Arthur’s side of the bed was pulled back. You were waiting for him. You teared up again at that thought, so sensitive were you in this moment that the smallest of things were setting you off. You had been waiting for Arthur for your entire life, it seemed. No one comforted you like Arthur did. No one made you laugh like Arthur did. No one soothed you, encouraged or supported you like Arthur did. No one motivated you like Arthur did. No one was there for you like Arthur was. You had been waiting for him for your entire life. Arthur had been waiting for you, as well. The both of you had been so alone without each other, but now did you have everything you had ever needed or craved within another person, and never again would either of you be alone.

Arthur cooed to see you curled up so cosily in bed, to see that you had pulled back the duvet for him, so considerate were you, and to see you crying. “Come here, Y/N. I’m here.” He crossed the room in a few easy strides and slid easily beneath the duvet, pulling you towards him. He was rarely this confident in his movements, but you needed him and that worked miracles on the things Arthur could do. He knew exactly how to comfort you, intuitive and perceptive was he, and there was nothing he wouldn’t do for you. “Not going anywhere.” Those same words had been spoken earlier that evening and you curled in on Arthur, your tears flowing freely now as they poured, hot and fast down your face. You choked on another scream and Arthur rested his head on the pillow beside you, his mahogany curls mingling with your own hair as every part of your bodies intertwined. You pressed yourself into Arthur and he hummed in thought, letting you arrange yourself as you wanted to before he got comfortable, too. The both of you were settling in for the night, now. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I get it...” Arthur sighed. The sound was heavy in untold truths and even in your own distress did you feel your heart breaking for him. “It’s hard. I know.” Arthur’s nose, cool to the touch - always so cold was he, warm was his soul - nuzzled against your cheek and you pushed into his touch, trying to shuffle even closer to him even though you were already pressed together. Arthur chuckled and rained kisses down upon your face, his lips drying out your damp, tear stained cheeks. 

You nodded, clamping your lips together so that you couldn’t scream or cry. You weren’t sure what was building in your throat but you knew that it would be a loud noise. You just wanted to sleep now. You just wanted Arthur.

“I want you, Arthur. So much.” Your bottom lip trembled, still so overwhelmed were you, and Arthur could only love you more. You were always so honest in your feelings for him and it was something he had always admired within you.

Another coo, another kiss, and his arms squeezed around you. “You’ve got me, Y/N. Always. Won’t let go, okay?” His voice was quiet, his words full of a future you had always dreamed of, and his tone was kind. He was your everything and that had never been and would never be any different.

“Promise?” Your voice was so small, defeated but not defeated were you by the world, and Arthur felt his heart break. What had the world done to you? Bitterly did he know that it had done the same to him, and though he was already falling, too late was it for him, it wasn’t too late for you and he would be damned if he took you down with him.

“I promise. You’re my one and only. I’ll do anything for you.” A Joker though he would one day be, that was a vow which he would take seriously.

You shut your eyes, nuzzling into Arthur, and he only managed to hold you tighter despite how physically and emotionally close you were together. “Thank you for taking care of me, angel. It means a lot to me. No one’s ever...” More tears soaked into Arthur’s bare chest and you kissed the evidence of your own pain away from his skin. “No one but you.” Was all you could stomach to say. You had had enough now and you just wanted to sleep.

Arthur nodded knowingly. He always knew what you were trying to say, even and especially when you didn’t. “You’re welcome, darling. I love you. So much.” With another kiss, a tender squeeze and a gentle smile, Arthur helped you to put your mind to rest as finally, finally... did you sleep. He wouldn’t sleep much this night, haunted by insomnia and nightmares was he, but with you beside him did he think that perhaps he, too, would get some rest. You were his one and only, his reason and his purpose and the one reason he didn’t cash in on his refund for life itself, and there was nothing he wouldn’t do for you.

You were his Y/N, and he would always take good care of you, just as you always took care of him. It was what you deserved and Arthur was beginning to think, thanks to your reverent love, that so did he.

AF/J @impulsiveclown   @astheworlddturns @fluffedstar @jokersqueenofchaos @germansarechill @tsukiakarinobara  @lynnesm @sagyunaro  @greghouse  @flowerglitterwoman @ben-solos-writing-avenger @jokers-doll @arthurjokersgirl @antonija89 @lilliryth @hotpacino @obsessedandthirsty  @call-me-harley-quinn  @cacklinghyena @arcanealaanais

[i-write-sometimes-blog]

Flesh and bones (Captain Phasma x Reader)

Request: Can you write Phasma being vulnerable or sympathetic? I’m outraged at how Lucasfilm treated her and it would be nice to see some fic humanizing her a bit. By @thatfantasylovingdork

Words: 1,875

A/N: This took me longer than I thought, sorry darling. It was a bit hard to write her just from the films, I had to read a lot to be sure this was kinda accurate and oh boy I fell more in love with her. Hope you like it, thanks for requesting!💕

There were screams down the hall. Barely audible screams that sounded anything but happy and became louder as you walked with the small blaster in your hand, you cursed not having a bigger weapon but you didn’t need it, troopers were supposed to protect you, a commander, yet they were nowhere to be seen.

The sounds came from a garbage compactor and confused you even more, why would there be someone inside a trash compactor? and if so who was it? Perhaps a young cadet victim of a cruel prank from their comrades. Whoever it was seemed to be in a very need of a hand, frustratedly grunting and groaning as a bunch of curses echoed through the place.

“Hold on there, cadet.” you said typing the code to open the magnetically sealed door, the hatch opened fastly after you placed the last number and you hurried to find out who was inside and for your surprise it was someone you never expected. “Captain Phasma” you greeted.

“Don’t ask.” she warned stepping carefully out the room filled with industrial waste, moving some big metal pieces out of her way.

“Are you alright, Sir?” you asked offering her a hand but she ignored it.

“I didn’t need your help!” she growled when she was back on her feet on the hall with you, her voice rumbled very angry through her chromium helmet.

“Was I supposed to leave you in there then?” you huffed.

“Maybe.” she told you “It was not of your business, Commander.”

“Why were you screaming then? You expected me to let you crushed to death by the compactor?” you questioned her “I very much doubt your armor would have withstood that, Captain” you told her which clearly didn't made her happy as she leaned her tall imposing figure closer to you.

“Listen carefully, Commander. I’ve survived worse things than this and I didn’t need…” there was a big explosion that shook the whole place. The lights flashed for a moment before the emergency alarm started to sound all around the place.

“That came from Precinct 47” you murmured looking in the direction the sound came from. “This is bad”

“You think?” she mocked already making her way through the glossy halls of the base. You followed her closely as all the base seemed to start crashing. Phasma was heading to the nearest hangar, you remembered every turn on every hall of this big place and by the sound of the explosion that specific hangar must be gone, the only chance you both had to escape the collapsing planet was outside.

“Captain, this way, we have to cross the forest and get in a ship now!” you told her but she kept moving towards the hangar. “Captain!” you yelled and she turned fastly walking close to you.

“Why would I trust you?” she said. You had worked with this woman from a really long time now she should've trusted you after all those years but you knew she didn’t even trusted her own soldiers and it annoyed you sometimes.

“Fine.” you told her “Go on then, but you’ll only find ashes in that direction.” you kept your voice control and serious as you talked looking up to her. “Or you can follow me and live. Your choice, Phasma.” you told her. You waited for a moment and then you continued your escape with the sound of her heavy boots behind you.

Things outside weren’t much better than inside the base, a few X-wings were chased by TIE-fighters as the cannons in earth tried to stop them without much success. You rushed to the woods, the thick layer of snow making it not really easy to run, by the corner of your eyes you caught the light shining on Phasma's silver armor, you were surprised she was still following you.

“Wait!” she told you stopping you with her hand just before the ground cracked in front of you as the planet trembled beneath your feet. You looked at her and gave her a little thankful nod.

You hurried to the black ships and eventually made your way to them getting inside the very first one, it was imperative to leave the planet as soon as possible, from the distance you contemplated the trees falling as the ground copalsed, you didn’t know how much more it could resist, you had to hurry up. So you pressed the buttons to initiate the small ship.

“Commander, take off right now!” she commanded you, there was anger in her voice but at the same time there was anxiety and fear, she was nervous, fearing it would be too late if you didn’t take off.

“You’re not being so helpful, Captain!” you said as you pushed the last lever and the ship started to move, pulling the rudder up you took the ship outside the planet hearing how it crashed behind you.

Then finally you were out there hoping to keep a safe distance. You left just in time, moments before the small ship outer space the whole planet crumbled to itself burning to exploit a few moments later with such power it made you skip a beat.

Then it was quiet, so quiet until you heard a soft metal sound followed by a unmodulated voice.

“Well, that was a thing” Phasma murmured in the seat behind you.

“You think?” you joked with her own words as you kept piloting the ship.

“I-I” she murmured “I want to apologize” she said, she sounded a bit different without the helmet, intimidating but more like a regular person, she stopped for a moment struggling to find the right words.

“I was a complete bitch back there” she told you pausing for a moment “I still don’t understand why you helped me. Someone else would have preferred to leave me in that trash compactor, my own troopers would have done it” her tone lowered but not in angry way, she was rather sad yet completely aware of the truth on her words.

“Lucky for you I’m not a trooper” you told her.

“True” she said “And then, if I hadn’t follow you I’d be probably dead right now” she murmured. “I… Thank you, Commander” she said.

“Y/N” you told her and you saw her looking over her shoulder hoping to find your face, you couldn’t see much of her features except for a deep blue eye that contrasted with her pale skin as some golden curls fell on her face, then you got your attention back to the rudder.

“I’ve worked with you for years” you told her “This is the first time I hear you apologizing to someone”

“Well, Y/N. I have to say it’s very new for me” she explained “I’m not… used to being helped. This is a cruel world, you have to watch your own back because nobody else will do it for you.”

“Friends watch out for each other” you said and waited for her answer.

“I don’t have friends” she said serious “Nor family, I don’t even trust in the soldiers I train, I know they would blast me the second I give them a chance. Allies would betray me too, I know that for sure. It always has been me against the world.”

Her voice was cold yet filled with a mix of the emotions she was trying to hide: pain, sadness.

“Sometimes I see cadets helping each others out and comforting when they fail a fight” she said “I hate it. I repress them, only cause it reminds me how lonely I am. Nobody cares about the cruel Captain Phasma, they fear me, they hate me. I’ve heard the hurtful comments the troopers say behind my back, maybe you’ve heard them too, Y/N”

You didn’t answered though she was right, there were a lot of rumours around the base, some of them calling her a coward, some of her uncertain and mysterious past and some about her appearance, no one had ever seen her without the chromium helmet, except maybe you now.

“People think I’m as strong and repellent as my armor” she confessed “Truth is I’m just another human. It sucks to be me.” she sighed.

Never in your entire life expected this from Phasma, she seemed so strong, so intimidating, willing to beat the hell out of someone that would dare to even look at her the wrong way. But she was right, she was just human after all, a woman of flesh and bones, who could be hurt, who had feelings always hidden by her shiny armor. You understood how lonely she must felt all the time.

“That’s why it meant a lot to me that you, a person I barely know was willing to help me, to offer me a helping hand. I don’t think you realize what it means to me, Y/N” she added sincerely “Don’t know why I am even telling you all this” she said, her tone seemed a bit ashamed of her words.

“Look” you rose your voice after a time in silence “I know we don’t actually know each other well but…” you looked over your shoulder “I’m still worrying about you. No one deserves to be alone, Phasma”

You caught her gaze on you, finally seeing the side of her face, delicate compared with her tough uniform, it was strange to finally know the person under the mask and see her facial expressions after years of talking to your own reflection in her armor.

“I mean it, no one” you told her “This is a cruel world, you said that yourself, but it could be easier if you have someone who watch your back, or just to talk at least.” you said. “We watch out for each other”

She nodded slowly and there was the shadow of a smile, faint but it was there.

“Does that make us friends?” she asked and you chuckled.

“If you want, Captain” you told her, nothing you would have liked more than get to truly know her, this soft side of her, discover more of this mysterious woman. “I’d love to”

Then she turned back to her seat to hide the growing smile on her lips, you were the first person to be kind to her, to be true without looking for something in return, to listen her and offer her help and friendship. She was slowly falling for the commander that saved her.

She clear her throat before raising her voice again, now with a serious but certainly playfully tone.

“If you ever mention something about the trash compactor, I’m going to have to kill you, understood Commander Y/N?” she said and you couldn’t help but smile, yeah maybe this wasn’t a joke at all but you knew she was trying to make you laugh.

“Now that sounds more like the Captain Phasma everybody knows” you told her chuckling and for a brief moment you heard a soft laugh from Phasma.

You piloted the rest of the way in silence, feeling safe with the company of this strong woman and looking forward to meet more about the woman beneath the chromium armor.

[xoruffitup]

TROS (Mis)Characterizations: What Was and What Could Have Been

What started as responding to an anon ask turned into an entire meta... but working out all these thoughts has at least eased a bit of my TROS pain. :’) 

From my perspective, TROS managed to destroy not only the characterizations built so far in the sequel trilogy, but also the entire story built upon these characters (mainly Reylo) as we knew them. While talking to a family member about the movie a few days ago and voicing my grievances with the story, he pointed out how someone could watch TFA and skip to TROS without realizing they’d missed much. That’s mostly true and entirely gutting.

Since I had an ask to talk about how TROS regressed in terms of characterization, I’ll start with the most hurtful of defacements: All of the nuanced vulnerability that made Kylo/Ben our most beloved character. We had absolutely nothing in TROS like the complex masterpiece moments of TLJ. Think back to “You are a monster.” / “Yes I am” – delivered with glowering menace as Kylo stalked closer, simultaneous to the tell of fragmented uncertainty in a quivering bottom lip and chin, all while his eyes remained completely riveted on Rey. Think back to “You’re not alone” – delivered with a wet sheen to his eyes in a soft cracked voice, but with self-loathing still smoldering behind his expression. Until the scene with Han, Kylo was shrunk into an entirely two-dimensional cookie cutter “villain” figure in TROS, seemingly more committed to the dark side and the First Order than he ever was to begin with in TFA. (I say “seemingly” because his true motives and interior dilemmas are frustratingly unclear in the entire first half of the movie. Cue me loathing the mask more than ever.)

Though Kylo seems uncharacteristically committed to the Supreme Leader role in TROS, considering he ended TLJ in a supplicating position fixing regretful eyes up towards Rey, luckily TROS did at least maintain the Force bond. …or at least the concept of it, because in execution the Force bond scenes achieved approximately nothing of what TLJ so uniquely excelled at: Creating a sense of intimacy, understanding, and forbidden tenderness between Rey and Ben. Instead of soft-spoken entreaties and promises across the soft glow of a fire or the dappling light of rain (ugh, remember the way light and shadow literally played out in contrasts across Kylo’s face during “I am a monster”? TLJ is a cinematic wonder, pass it on), we get scenes where the two yell and spit spite at each other. Most frustrating is how absolutely out of touch Kylo’s dialogue is with the Ben who was revealed through previous Force bond scenes. In a regression that makes absolutely no sense after Ben’s big proposal of “It’s time to let old things die: The Jedi, the Sith… I want you to join me” – he literally has the most reductive, bland, and meaningless lines such as “I will find you and turn you to the dark side.” ……..? Kylo has literally never been that boring or straightforward ever, not even since the TFA interrogation scene. He offered to be her teacher, sure, but never on terms that simplistic or blatantly combative to Rey’s will.

What I’ve always passionately loved and defended about Reylo is that Kylo never forced Rey to do anything harmful or against her will. Even pushing her to the painful moment of admitting the truth (or so we FUCKIN’ THOUGHT) about her parentage during the throne room scene did, in the end, help her character come to terms with repressed trauma and move forward in her journey of self-determination. (haha look at me, still stuck in my feminist goggles as if they haven’t been ripped off my head by TROS…) The point is: The TLJ Force bond was never a means of threat. It was never a tool for Kylo to say something as blatantly antagonistic as “I will find you and turn you to the dark side.” (Wow, did a Kindergartener write that? Come the fuck on, JJ.) And I was deeply disappointed to see the Force bond reduced to a tool used only to tell a part of the story unrelated to Reylo; rather than being the means of developing their relationship in and of itself.

This feeds into my overall biggest grievance with how Kylo/Ben was handled in this film. Similar to the Force bond – Ben’s character was reduced to a secondary prop piece who mostly served only as a narrative device in advancing the Rey-Palpatine plotline. Look, I imagined for months ahead of TROS the kind of candid Force bond conversations we might hear. Like “No one (knows me)” / “But I do.” (Where the FUCK did that line go?! Apparently JJ doesn’t know her…) Or perhaps Ben apologizing and opening up to Rey about how unhappy he is in the dark, how alone he feels. Instead…. we got shit like “You’re his granddaughter.” Like how dare they disrespect Academy Award Nominee Adam Driver’s talent like that?

Now, looking past the fact for a moment that the Rey-Palpatine addition is insulting, unoriginal, and sexist; there could have been a very interesting dynamic here. We would have the grandson of Vader and the granddaughter of Palpatine feeling very different pulls to both light and darkness, Force bonded together as they struggle with the weight of these legacies. Kylo, I imagine, was probably partially excited when he learned it, because maybe this means that Rey would understand him fully and perhaps this time, once she learned the truth, she would finally be with him. But nope, we don’t get nearly that much of a look into Kylo’s head. He does say at one point “You can’t go back to her (Leia), just like I can’t,” but the line missed the mark a bit for me because TROS still had Kylo appealing to Rey from the perspective of “Join the dark side as if we’ve done away with all that grey morality complexity we introduced last movie” – rather than from the perspective of “Neither of us should feel alone ever again.”

I’m rather unspeakably bitter that we had no exploration into what Palpatine’s return meant for Ben. I imagine he would have gone a bit wild upon learning that the man who was responsible for his grandfather’s fall was still alive. And the revelation of “I have been every voice you’ve ever heard inside your head”? This was enough to bring Ben Solo stans to tears before we even watched the movie, and yet it was treated completely off-handedly. Ben never even gets his own moment of coming to terms with Palpatine’s return. No “My grandfather killed you – how is this possible?” Nothing like that at all – even though he’s the character who would be most affected by his return in terms of legacy implications. Nope; Ben’s first encounter with Palpatine at the beginning of the movie – the same encounter where we learn Palpatine has apparently been behind all of the dark side grooming, manipulation, and isolation Ben has suffered since he was literally in the womb – quickly veers towards “Kill the girl / She is not who you think she is.” Early warning here that Ben Solo as a character in dire need of resolution is about to be treated with utter apathy by this film.

Here’s where I need to pause for a moment of self-awareness. While arguing with my Dad about this movie (he loved it), he threw at me that he thought I was being anti-feminist because I disliked the ending of Rey being alone. I quickly did my best to disabuse him of the idea that feminism = women being forever alone. This did make me think though about the implications of TROS veering away from the dual protagonist story framework that had been established up to this point; in favor of a narrative with Rey as the single and clear protagonist. The two main reasons I had such a knee-jerk reaction against this shift were A) It left a bad taste in my mouth after Rey ended TLJ emboldened by her acceptance of her past and unremarkable lineage; and B) It upended Reylo as the foundation of the entire story – also which we’d been led to expect. And I’m not just talking TLJ – I’m referencing back to JJ’s own Director’s commentary for TFA where he says “Now back to the story we really care about” when the film goes back to Rey and Kylo’s forest battle; who described Kylo as “a sort of prince,” and insinuated “you get the feeling there’s more going on here” when Kylo decided to spirit off Rey on Takodana. JJ set all the fucking clues here and then apparently forgot about each and every one.

However – am I perhaps not being fair to Rey in my disappointment that she doesn’t end the film in domestic bliss with Ben? Was I expecting something beneath her potential? Can I really say it’s a bad thing that the narrative rearranges itself in this film to focus chiefly on her? 

The reason it all sits so wrong with me is because Rey’s characterization became bastardized for the sake of her solo narrative. Her character was essentially entirely effaced. The emphasis of her journey thus far pointed towards the crafting of one’s own identify; to the fact that might and greatness can reside within anyone, and it is up to that person alone to decide what kind of life to live with such power. Rey’s development at the end of TLJ indicated she’d found freedom from her past, and was now fully embracing the act of forging her own path without any constraints or shadows. But then, this road she’d been paving for herself was abruptly switched in TROS to one already completed and well-traveled, lined with unoriginal identity struggles and a copout for assigning Rey’s instincts of aggression and passion to the hereditary and ungendered “dark side.” This sudden switch stripped away all of Rey’s unique identity struggles, as well as her agency to define her own story.

Confining Rey to such an unoriginal and unfortunate struggle also required that her own goals and desires be changed as well. When faced with a legacy of evildoers, Rey’s story immediately shifts away from being focused on her, and rather to remedying the mistakes of men who came before. Rey’s own story was about a thousand times more interesting when she was in the center of it. As a twitter post I saw a few days ago but now frustratingly can’t find said very aptly: Male viewers found “Rey Skywalker” satisfying because they see a happy ending as being the “best” or the most powerful. Female viewers see a happy ending as being truly seen, understood, and valued for the person one is. (If anyone knows the source, please let me know...)

Rey used to say she wanted to learn “her place in all this.” That doesn’t indicate a thirst for greatness or power; but rather for belonging and connection. She has spent most of her story so far thinking back to her parents, then spent a solid 2 minutes in TROS looking longingly and smiling at the alien babies on Pasaana, which hello motherhood signaling. She has been happiest in moments when she felt valued and connected to those around her.

The idea of having greatness bestowed upon her by some external entity (aka a man) was already examined and rejected in TLJ. (Read: throne room proposal scene.) But in TROS, this act of external determination is thrust onto her regardless of her will. In so doing, her possession of a legacy rewrites and predetermines all of her goals, battles, and the key facets of her identity. She no longer has the freedom to embrace and cherish her found or chosen family; instead, her goal is to rid herself of the “family” that’s been thrust upon her – making what’s now presumably her happy ending of being disconnected from her assigned family the complete opposite from everything her character previously yearned for. Standing alone in a desert with the company of only half-remembered spirits is likely what filled the nightmares of young Rey of Jakku.

This is, of course, why the dual protagonist/Reylo narrative we expected to see in this film was so compelling. While doing none of Rey’s decision-making for her or removing any agency from the formation of her own identity; her force-bonded relationship with Ben offered Rey belonging, understanding, and purpose. Ben was the only character who could understand how debilitating and frightening it was to feel her Force sensitivity come alive and waver between the light and dark; just as he was the only one who could comfort her in that conflict without infringing on her independence. Once we saw dark!Rey in that D23 footage, I think every Reylo imagined scenes where Palpatine begins to sink his control into Rey’s mind and Ben rushes to her side to pull her back towards the light, because he knows all too well what those voices are like inside his head and he’d rather hear them all again than watch Rey suffer it.

From several perspectives, Reylo fighting and defeating Palpatine together is also the only ending that makes sense from a holistic storytelling perspective. (I mean both of them wielding blue sabers against Palpatine and fighting together in tandem – rather than that single crowd-pleaser shot of them hefting their complementary lightsabers together before Ben gets brushed off into a pit…) While Ben is the legacy character, representing all that our beloved original characters fought and suffered for; Rey is the new-generation character, representing a new age and the banishing of old mistakes which continued to perpetuate conflict. Only these representatives of new and old; of royal legacy and self-made upstart; could truly banish all of the harm committed in the galaxy by Palpatine and remedy all the loss and suffering effected throughout the Skywalker line. To have only a single character recently revealed to be related to Palpatine facing him alone (no matter how “badass” that might make said female character seem by superficial standards), rather than a union with the single remaining descendant of the Skywalker line himself is simply unsatisfactory and directionless storytelling. It is Palpatine’s manipulation towards three generations of Skywalkers that was the sole catalyst for all of the warfare, struggle, and conflict we’ve witnessed throughout this entire 9-film series. To not even engage with Ben Solo-Skywalker’s troubled relationship to that heritage and to completely fail in realizing the emotional catharsis and resolution that stood there waiting is nothing short of infuriatingly shortsighted storytelling. J.J. claimed in several interviews that this film was crafted with the entire preceding story in mind, as a cap to everything that came before. I have absolutely no idea which story he was referring to.

And so, from the perspectives of this film alone, the sequel trilogy, and the entire 9-film saga as a whole – Yes, I do claim that it was a poor decision in terms of story telling and character integrity to reconfigure the narrative to focus solely on Rey. For the reasons just mentioned, it was an utter disservice to Rey’s character arc. To reduce all of the tragedy, charisma, and youthful potential in Kylo/Ben’s character to a secondary narrative device is nothing short of shameful. Not to mention wasting all of Adam’s potential for playing truly heart-wrenching scenes of Ben’s penitent soul-searching. I will never forgive the fact that Ben had literally not a word of dialogue after his quick conversion scene halfway through the movie. Not only does he play no major role in the final battle with Palpatine, but aside from charging in heroically and doing a phenomenal Solo Shrug, he isn’t allowed a single moment of interiority. He has no speech to Palpatine declaring his change of heart and his reclaimed heritage. Perhaps most painful of all – he and Rey never even have their Big Talk where we expected Ben to apologize for the doings of Kylo Ren and for both of them to affirm their desire to be together and their devotion to each other. Adam did a pretty amazing job demonstrating all that in how he cradled Rey’s body and couldn’t even bear to look into her lifeless face (RIP my heart). But no matter how phenomenal and tender the Reylo kiss was, how luminous Rey’s smile was when she said “Ben,” and how achingly loving his eyes were when he looked at her – I can’t help feeling crushingly cheated that their love itself wasn’t what enabled the victory. Rather than the strength they lent to each other through a union that defied light-dark dichotomy (as it should have been and as the story was previously leading towards), it was rather Rey’s miracle heritage that won the day. The fact that Ben never says a damn word when he stands before Palpatine, or when Rey kisses him and he finally realizes she does care for him too – makes both their bond and Ben’s entire character feel like a throw-away prop only there for Rey to wear so long as this feeble story needed it.

I’ve been trying to put my finger on what made TROS’ plot so underwhelming and lifeless compared to TLJ or even TFA. The difference between TLJ and TROS in the simplest terms is that TLJ’s narrative was character-driven, whereas TROS subjected its characters to a narrative. Rather than a huge space battle, TLJ’s biggest moments are Rey and Kylo’s throne room proposal and Kylo and Luke’s showdown on Crait. Both of these moments had huge emotional stakes for the characters involved, which was what made them epic. TROS’ narrative, meanwhile, uses twists like the Rey Palpatine reveal to manipulate its characters in inorganic directions, and builds towards a finale that is unrelated to any of the long-standing challenges our heroes have confronted throughout the story. TROS derided its characters down to mere tools for a superficial spectacle of a story. TLJ, on the other hand, made its characters the story. It’s no wonder I found myself strangely numb and disconnected the first time I saw TROS.

Now, I’m just angry and disappointed. Disappointed that such brilliant, wonderful characters were wasted. Angry that we’ve imagined a hundred endings more appropriate and fair to the characters we hold dear. I am trying to appreciate what I can from the film and hold on to the few beautiful moments, but I definitely plan on writing my own fic version of how TROS might have played out, had it upheld the complexity and integrity of its characters. Even still, I’m quite sure we all know and understand Ben Solo much better than J.J. or Chris Terrio, so in our hearts Ben will find the happy ending he deserves.

[my-arlington-academia]

Tyler birthday fanfic 🎨🖌🎉

Welp. It’s almost Tadashi’s birthday and here I am releasing the fic that was supposed to be for Tyler’s birthday... Sorry about that 😔🎉🎉 I just can’t abandon my underrated boi. You know the drill, since Scholar was a she in Neha’s fic, he’s back to being a he in this one. It’s been a while since I wrote something so I just hope it won’t be too sucky 🤞

------------------------------------------

About one week and 3 days had passed since August 21st. Back in the day, Tyler always thought that it was nice to have his birthday during the summer break. But now that he had made so many friends in Arlington? It sucked. They all sent him birthday wishes but Tyler still desperately wanted to see them. Even Karolina of all people left him a short message. Under a picture of one of his paintings on Instantgram, she wrote ”You actually make some pretty good stuff, happy birthday *birthday cake emoji* *gift emoji*”

”Gee, thanks...”

Tyler knew that she forced herself to do this only because he was Tegan’s best friend. Or knowing Tegan, he probably tried to get Karolina to write something in a not-so-subtle way. Like coming to eat in the dining hall for once just to tell her that it was Tyler’s birthday soon. Tegan always grabs some food from the kitchen to eat it in his room, his daily routine just doesn’t correlate with the rest of his family... which isn’t surprising. When he’s on summer break, he plays games until 1am at least, 4am at most. He’s a wreck. Anyhow, it was clear that Karolina didn’t give much of a damn about Tyler. Never did, never will. To Tyler, her comment meant something along the lines of: ”Not as good as others but it doesn’t completely suck, I guess.”

Thankfully, the rest of the messages sounded much more genuine. Axel had shared some of Tyler’s work on his Tweeter, he announced that it was one of his best friend’s birthday and that his followers should ”give him some love!” Tyler is pretty sure that he gained like... 75k followers in a couple of days. The rest were pretty normal birthday wishes. Ellie and Tegan sent him some DaNk MeMeS™ as usual and Claire sent him some really cute gifs. Sometimes Claire reminded him of a really young grandma, or a mom. But to no surprise, the funniest message was from Tadashi.

”[This message was deleted]

Shit sorry.

Happy birthday is what I meant, it was a typo.

*confetti emoji* *confetti emoji* *gift emoji* *slice of cake emoji*

Oh and by the way, please come to school from the very first day this time.

It was really a pain in the ass last year, having to ask for the photographer to come back.”

Tyler had a giggle when he read it for the first time. Tadashi *correctly* using emojis? That’s huge character development from someone who used to say that ”he doesn’t need silly pictures” to express himself. And as always, he couldn't ’t stop himself from bringing up school into something completely unrelated. Tyler muttered under his breath.

”God, you can be so annoyingly cute sometimes.”

Strangely enough, although all of those messages made him happy... well except Karolina’s, the one that stood out the most to him was Scholar’s. It was really simple, yet Tyler’s heart had made a triple salto arrière when he first got the notification.

”Happy B-day!!! 😊🎉 Can’t wait to see you again in September!!! Miss you a lot, like really. Kinda sucks that we haven’t been able to talk a whole lot in the past month.”

Tyler and Scholar were texting eachother on a daily basis at the start of July but after that, they kind of fell out of it gradually. The timeframe between each text started getting bigger and bigger until they completely stopped texting in August. There wasn’t anything wrong going on between them, on the contrary they genuinely liked eachother but Scholar was getting really busy with his part-time job. As for Tyler, he was painting, going on trips in Europe with his family and some other random business. He really wished they could’ve gone somewhere together. Tyler was well-aware of how different a life can be depending on your monthly income but interacting on a daily basis with someone who had to actively go out of his way to work during *vacation* really put things into perspective. Getting ”I’m back from work!" texts at 6pm or even 8pm made Tyler feel like shit. Scholar worked almost the entire day for a few bucks and still called it a ”part-time job” while Tyler was complaining about going on vacations on the other side of the Atlantic ocean just because it was *mildly* draining. They were both the same age and went to the same school but their lives were almost entirely different out of it. To be honest, Tyler felt like he hadn’t achieved anything in those 2 months while Scholar was constantly making a race against the clock to make the most of this limited amount of time. Despite his lineage, Tyler was somehow really good at putting himself down and think lowly of himself. He wondered how his friends would respond if they knew how useless and pathetic he thought he was. He missed them so much.

Even though he usually hated the end of August because it meant that school would start again soon, this time he couldn’t wait for September to come around. Tyler’s father thought that his son had finally lost it for good. Now here we are, September 1st. Tegan should already be there at the entrance waiting for his friend like they promised, but he was nowhere to be seen. Weird.

Tyler went inside the dorms to check on his room and hopefully meet his roommate there. But again, no Tegan in sight. Actually, thinking about it now, he didn’t run into anyone he was close with since earlier which is weird because he was good friends with a bunch of flashy people. Surely he could at least find Ellie if he went looking for her in the robotics clubroom, she’s always making something new there. But no, no Ellie nor Tegan. Tyler started making rounds in the school in hopes of finding some of his friends, anyone, even Karolina is fine at this point. He was craving for this day to come as soon as possible to see his friends again, but now that he was finally back in Arlington he didn’t find anyone? What’s this sorcery?

He was ready to give up, go back to the dorms and unpack his belongings when a cheerful voice called out to him from behind.

"Hey! Tyler, good to see you again! You... don’t look so well. Are you okay? I can lend you an ear you know.”

It was Scholar. As usual they went to the garden. Why is it that they always go there to talk about their feelings? By the time they reached the benches and sat down on one of them, an eery silence had already installed itself between the two of them, which is odd. Scholar hopelessly tried to change the mood with some small talk. Knowing Tyler though, he’ll probably open up soon enough. Scholar guessed right.

”Scholar... You really don’t have to do this. I was just trying to gather my thoughts but instead I made it all awkward between us, sorry haha.”

”What? No! Don’t be sorry, I just thought that if you don’t want to share what’s on your mind then I can at least help by distracting you from... whatever it is you’re thinking.”

Scholar’s awkward smile was really cute. Actually, Tyler thought that it was adorable. His negative thoughts were making a race inside his head just a couple of seconds ago and yet, Tyler’s mind cleared up immediately thanks to Scholar’s gentle smile. His heart may or may not have skipped a beat, if not one then at least a couple of them. Surely, Scholar knows how to CPR so he’ll be fine. Probably.

”It’s just, well, it’ll sound lame because I really don’t have to worry about a single thing but... I’ve been feeling down lately. And when I say lately, I mean that as ”a-couple-of-weeks” kind of ”lately.” Which is really stupid, right? I mean, I have food on my plate everyday, I have a roof over my head, I have a family and a quite rich one at that... It just feels like I don’t have the right to be sad and yet I am. Despite all of my fortunate circumstances I still feel miserable. I think I just don’t deserve all of the good that happens to me, and I always get it without having to make any conscious effort. Is that weird? I’m not sure if I’m making any sense with all of my rambling...”

Tyler was too scared to look at Scholar’s face again. He didn’t want to get a look of pity especially since he felt like he didn’t deserve it. But at the same time, in a small corner of his mind he was hoping that he’d at least get a hug or something. However, what came instead is nine people who were hiding behind the trees and bushes. Tyler’s eyes widened.

”Uh. What the?! You guys were...”

Spying on them? No, that’s not right. Tyler had the courage to look back at Scholar and instead of pity, Scholar had a guilty look on his face. Whatever it was, Scholar was in on it too. Tyler didn’t have the time to figure out what was happening, Tegan rushed to his side and hugged him.

”Dude, that’s all BS. Having negative thoughts is nothing to feel shameful about. In what kind of family you were born and raised in doesn’t dictate your feelings, it’s perfectly normal to feel down sometimes. I mean look at me, I have it easy too but I’m practically a walking inferiority complex. You can’t be happy all the time Tyler. And I can guarantee you that we won’t think any less of you because of something so silly.”

Seeing Tegan cheer Tyler up was nothing short of incredible. The guy who was usually hunched back and mumbling became really assertive all of a sudden. Tegan was extremely convincing with his words when he really needed to. Kind of like Karolina, except she was convincing *all* the time.

Seeing the heartwarming scene, Ellie ran and jumped on the both of them, trying to take part in the hug.

”You should’ve told us how you felt right away! We would’ve told you that it’s all BS waaaay sooner than now dummy!”

She turned towards the rest of the squad, they were watching the scene fondly instead of joining in.

”What are you all waiting for?! It’s time for a group hug!”

Scholar happily jumped in on the hug, he actually wanted to take Tyler into his arms from the really beginning. But knowing that the others were already gathered behind the bushes and trees, watching them and waiting for the perfect moment to surprise Tyler, he couldn’t get himself to do it. Ellie’s invitation resulted in all of them burying Tyler... well, almost all of them. Raquel shouted out.

”Hey Karolina! I see you there, rolling your eyes like you don’t care! Get down from your high horse and get your little ass here!!!”

Karolina rolled her eyes for the second time and unenthusiastically joined in thanks to Raquel’s forceful command. After 10 seconds or so, a small voice from the middle of the herd could be heard. It was Tyler.

”Ughh... Guys that’s... enough love. I’m suffocating.”

Everyone stepped away from him while snickering, they carefully watched him getting his breath back and sighing to himself, clearly self-conscious. Then he looked at the bags full of sandwiches and other food.

”I know I shouldn’t feel this way after you guys drowned me with love and validation, but I still feel super embarrassed. I mean, because you heard all of that stuff... Oh and, let me guess: you guys were planning a picnic for my birthday and I ruined the mood. Great.”

Axel fiercely slapped Tyler’s back, making him lose his balance a little.

”Bro. Stop it with the blame game, it’s all good. You didn’t ruin shit, the group hug made this moment even better. We’ll all remember this day.”

Tadashi made a grimace, obviously about to retort something unpleasant back.

”Yeah... though it could’ve been even more memorable if you had taken a shower beforehand. You came back from a tour and you smell like horse shit again.”

Axel’s playful tone turned to ashes, replacing it with annoyance.

”Still better than someone who literally drinks shit to stay awake. And just for your info, it takes a hell lot of energy to be on tour for two weeks straight, alright?”

”Oh, so you didn’t bathe for two weeks? Which means you don’t shower during tours, noted.”

Axel scowled, knowing fully well that Tadashi has taken a liking to picking on him even though he claims that he ”doesn’t hate Axel anymore.” Whatever that means.

”No you ass! Of course I shower during tours! Hell, I shower everyday! It just so happened that I was really tired when I came back yesterday... Come on, I’m sure that I don’t smell *that* bad.”

Raquel’s face went soft and she compassionately looked at Axel.

”Dude. I’m sorry to break it to you but...”

”...Wait, do I... really smell *that* bad?”

”Well no, not *that* bad but let’s just say that if we weren’t friends I wouldn’t like to stand next to you.”

Tadashi laughed loudly to annoy Axel.

”it’s okay, don’t be so embarrassed. I’m fully convinced that your fans would do anything to smell your sweat. I bet they would even pay for it, shall we try to make a stand in front of the school?”

Axel punched Tadashi in the shoulder and while they were quarreling, everyone had already taken a seat on the grass and started eating the sandwiches and drinking. It’s weird, they’re supposed to be plain old sandwiches so why do they taste so good? Everything Claire made always tastes incredible, no matter how simple. She somehow managed to make Karolina eat much more than she usually would. Tegan was happy at the sight of her sister getting healthier both in mind and body.

”Karol, do you want my share too?”

”Don’t be ridiculous. I have enough with this much already.”

Tyler was reminded of her birthday message, no matter how uncomfortable, he felt like it was necessary to bring it up. It just seemed so insincere coming from her, or was she actually *that* awkward?

”Hey Karolina, about your birthday wish... You really didn’t have to force yourself, y’know? No hate or anything but it sounded so fake that I genuinely cringed.”

Karolina choked on her last bite of her sandwich and Tegan’s gaze went back towards his sister.

”...Really? You did that Karol?”

Neha coughed loudly, trying to shift the attention away from her. Axel didn’t let that slide though.

”Oh yeah I saw that. Pretty stupid of you to do it in a comment section instead of sending it to him privately, but I bet that you sent it to him publicly because it made you feel like it was less personal haha. You’re such a clown sometimes.”

Raquel jumped on Karolina and locked her arm around her thin neck. She was awfully happy that Miss Princess was getting called out in front of everybody.

”Awww... don’t be so shy about it Karol. It’s okay, you can just tell us that you’re actually super terrible and awkward when it comes to sentimental stuff.”

Once Karolina had stopped chugging on the water, she fiercely pushed Raquel away and tried to deny everything with her bitchy attitude. Tyler was still dumbfounded at the fact that apparently, no one else besides him and Axel knew anything about the birthday message, which means...

”Tegan, you weren’t the one who asked her to write it?”

”No dude. This morning when we warned her about the birthday party we were planning she acted like she didn’t even know that your birthday was last month. So I just assumed that she hadn’t congratulated you.”

Tyler was amazed at how much a genuine message coming from Karolina could sound so fake. He took out his phone and read it again. ”You actually make some pretty good stuff, happy birthday *birthday cake emoji* *gift emoji*” Now, knowing that it was at least semi-genuine, the message actually sounded pretty cute... in a really awkward and cringy way but still cute. Tyler slightly grinned, lost in his thoughts. He didn’t notice that Scholar was bent over his phone, trying to sneak a peek. A small sound escaped Tyler’s mouth as he backed away, startled. Scholar immediately looked apologetic.

”Oh, sorry! I was just really curious: what were you looking at? You were smiling so I wanted to see what it could be.”

Tyler’s heart was thumping against his rib cage without rest. This was definitely not a good sign. His heart was beating as if he had just ran a marathon. He tried his best to calm down but it was pretty difficult to do that under Scholar’s cute and innocent eyes carefully looking at him. As if he hadn’t just caused a severe gay panic.

”Uhh. Nothing in particular! Just... a funny Tweet like usual..."

At the sight of this incredibly dorky scene, Ellie’s bro instinct kicked in and like the genius she is, she got an idea.

”Oh! Guyyyys... Don’t you think that we’re all a little too far apart? Why don’t we come a little bit closer, to tighten the circle and hear eachother better, y’know?”

Everyone listened to Ellie’s request, some understanding exactly why she was asking for this and some... having no idea that this wasn’t actually the real reason. All the while Tyler was just freaking out over the fact that his shoulder was against Scholar’s. Oh boy, this was not going to be a peaceful picnic...

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Wow guys look! I did it! Only about 3 weeks late hahaha... And now I have to write Tadashi’s 😂 You know what? I think I might change the formula and make it a Tadaxel fanfic just for the sake of shaking things up a bit. And there’s lots of other ships that could be cute! (While less popular) I was thinking of ClaireXNeha (cinnamon rollXcinnamon roll), TeganXEllie (tallXsmol), TadashiXAlistair (the #from friends to lovers tag on AO3 basically) I’m not sure though, I noticed that people in the SE fandom aren’t really into ships? Well, in a way that’s a good thing. God do I not like the thought of ship wars ever happening in SE...

[cherryamoureuse]

paper rings | peter parker (soulmate au)

     Tomorrow was your seventeenth birthday. You were finally going to be linked to your soulmate. Everyone’s connection was different. Some saw specific colors, others shared emotions. Your parents had been the latter. The bond does not show itself until both soulmates are seventeen. You will admit that your heart was yearning and hoping that it would be one specific person. Peter Parker. You were in the same chemistry class as the honey-eyed brunette. The pair of you have never exchanged more than a few words to each other in the two years that you had been classmates, much to your dismay. From the second that you had laid your eyes on him freshman year, you had been his. Today, walking into school had been anxiety ridden for you. While on the train to school, your head was taken up with the thought of soulmates. 

Would your infatuation with Peter suddenly disappear? What if it didn’t? Wouldn’t your soulmate eventually find out your affection was so focused on someone else? What if Peter was your soulmate? 

No, that is just wishful thinking on your part. Walking up the stone steps, you reached the entrance of Midtown High. As cliche as it sounds, you felt your heart skip a few beats as you walked through the double doors. Peter was standing by his locker, shifting through stacks of paper, with a pen loosely hanging between his lips. Feeling your stare, he looked up and gave you a lopsided smile that wrapped your heart in warmth. Quickly, your eyes flutter towards the grounds as you feel your cheeks heat up at being caught. Walking past him, you flash him a smile as you go to find MJ, who would surely be waiting for you by your locker. You greet her with a flustered smile and she eyes you suspiciously. 

“What’s up with you? Your cheeks are the color of strawberries.” She lifts a finger and pokes at your left cheek. 

“It’s nothing.” You assure her as you hide your face behind your locker door. 

“Mhm, this wouldn't have anything to do with a certain nerd named Peter Parker, now would it? She says with a smirk lighting up her features. “You know, if you just talked to him you could already be his girlfriend.” 

“As if, MJ.” You scoff at her. You and Peter are barely acquaintances at this point in time. He would smile at you when you make eye contact and make small talk at the science tables, but that was the extent of it. You were his chemistry seat partner, that’s all.  

“What do you mean? Never forget that you’re the one that’s out of his league.” 

“Sure,” You sigh. MJ had always seen the best in people, even if she was a tad guarded. “Tomorrow is my birthday anyways. I’m gonna find my soulmate.” You do smile a little at the thought. It is important to be independent, but it would be nice to find a forever with someone. 

The two of you walk to English and take your seats.

     The day passes by, and you are finally on your way home. Your apartment was empty, there was a note on the counter from your parents saying they wouldn’t be home for dinner and that there was money on the table for pizza. They were rarely ever home, due to their busy work schedules, but you were used to it. Kicking off your shoes, you make your way to your bedroom to start your homework. As the time goes by, you try not to stress about your soulmate situation. The closer it got to 12, the more anxious you became. Finally, the moment had come as your clock switched from pm to am. You let out a breath and waited. Nothing happened. You didn’t feel any different. Furrowing your brows, you go to the mirror to search for some marking, which was the most common form of soulmate matching. There was nothing to be found. You sat on your bed hoping to feel anything from your soulmate’s end. All you could feel and hear was silence. Maybe your soulmate hadn’t turned seventeen yet. Then a terrible thought had occurred to you. What if you had no soulmate? It was rare but there had been a few cases of people who had no bond. You were reaching all kinds of scenarios in your head when you heard your parents walk through the front door. You rush under the covers and pretend to be asleep, so they don’t ask you questions that would make you cry in your fragile state. You hear the door open and hushed whispers are shared, before it is closed once again. Falling asleep, you try not to focus on the worst case scenarios.  

     You are woken up by a loud voice. Startled, you glance over at your clock to see that it is 3am. There are two voices speaking about salicylic acid? Confusion and alarm are at the forefront of your emotions. There was no radio on, yet the voices continue to converse about science. Opening your window, you stick your head out and try to find the source, but the voices seemed to be directly in your head. An epiphany strikes you. It has to be your soulmate bond. A smile lights up your features as you finally understand. It was a rare connection to have. Music. You and your soulmate could hear whatever music- or in your case, podcast- the other was listening to. An excited giggle forces it way out of your throat as you listen to scientific procedures. Why your soulmate would be up at 3am and listening to a science podcast was beyond you, but you were relieved to know that you were not without a soulmate. You thought about putting on your own music to let them know that you were there, but you didn’t want to disturb your other half. Your eyelids grow heavy and you are once again drifting back to sleep with thoughts of the periodic table. 

     Waking up at 6 am on a Saturday with just 4 hours of sleep under your belt was not difficult to do when you were excited for the prospect of hearing whatever your soulmate heard. There had been no new sounds in your mind since this morning, but you knew that if you began listening to a song, they would hear it and be as surprised as you had been. You had spent the morning racking your brain for the perfect song to play your soulmate. Nothing too heavy, you wanted a soft introduction. Searching your Spotify playlist, you found the perfect song. Holding your breath, you press play on Taylor Swift’s Invisible String. The intro starts and you wait. The song plays and finishes without interruption. You don’t play anything, hoping for some sort of response. Your heart is beating out of your chest as the same opening intro is played back before stopping. It worked, they had heard you! Excitement coursed through your veins. Freaking out, you look for another song to play for your soulmate. After half an hour, there had been no response. You were disappointed, but you brushed it off as your soulmate just getting busy. Around 8, you decided to take a quick shower. Normally, you would be playing music and singing in the shower, but you didn’t want to bother or annoy your soulmate. The silence was awkward for you. Brushing your hair, you decided to throw caution to the wind and play your everyday playlist. The soft sound of Clairo’s Bags fills the room. You keep the volume low as you hum and sing along. Then, Paper Rings starts playing and you can’t help but turn it up a little and sing into your hairbrush. You finish your nightly routine and head to bed. The weekend went by with no sounds on your soulmate’s end. It was frustrating to say the least, but you tried not to get worked up about it. Lover had been your album of choice for the weekend. Paper Rings had been on repeat for almost 2 days straight. You couldn’t help it. The song just elevated your mood. And with the mountain of assignments you had to do, you needed the boost. You popped your headphones in and started your walk to school. Taylor Swift accompanies you through your subway stops. Walking through the doors, your eyes immediately go to Peter’s locker. He’s standing and talking to Ned. He looks up when you enter and waves at you. You take out your headphones and pause your music to wave back at him. His hand stops its movement as soon as you begin waving back. He seems to be frozen in place as his mouth parts in disbelief. You drop your hand and your smile, thinking that you had done something wrong and cringe internally. Wrapping up your headphones, you walk past Peter, whose eyes are following you. His expression stays the same. Turning the corner, you run to MJ, telling her about your soulmate and your bizarre interaction with Peter. 

“Wait,” she interrupts your rambling about how Peter reacted to your wave. “You waved at Peter? That’s so unlike you. Maybe that’s why he freaked.” 

Thinking about it, Peter doesn’t usually wave at you when you walk in. Normally the two of you would exchange only a smile in the mornings. 

     Sliding into your seat in Chemistry, your leg bounces as you psych yourself up to talk to Peter. You wanted to get past the shy responses you always gave him. Having a soulmate had built up your confidence and you were ready to try and be Peter’s friend. You catch his eyes as he walks through the door frame and into the classroom. Your heart flutters, but you will the feeling away. You had a soulmate out there and it was not Peter Parker. This time it is him who averts his gaze and blushes. He walks down the aisle to his normal seat next to you. For some reason, you are hyper aware of his proximity today and you want nothing more than to melt into his side. You shake the thought from your head. What is up with you today? You turn to him. 

“Hi, Peter.” Your voice sounds small amongst the loudness of the room, but his head perks up to look at you. 

“Hi, Y/N. Wow, you’ve never been the one to talk first.” He laughs, but stops as he sees your face fall. You hadn’t wanted to seem standoffish, you were just painfully shy around him.

“I’m sorry, I-I” You blush a scarlet red as you stumble over your words.

“N-No, don’t apologize. It was just surprising. I’m glad you’re talking to me,” He assures you with a gentle, close-lipped smile and a hand on your arm. Warmth spreads around the area where his palm meets your cardigan. You could sigh at the feeling. “Happy Birthday, by the way. Big seventeen.” He rubs his neck. 

“Yeah, thank you. I didn’t know you knew about my birthday.”

“MJ told me.” You nod at his rushed explanation and a comfortable silence washes over. Peter breaks it by asking you a question. “Sorry if it’s personal, but did you find out what your soulmate bond was? Y-you don’t have to answer, I’m just curious.” 

Before you could answer, the teacher began explaining the assignment for today. You and Peter finished the paper just as the bell rang, signalling the end of the class period. Peter offers to walk with you to your locker. You nod in acceptance. You break the silence once you reach your locker.  

“Um I did get my soulmate bond by the way, it’s bizarre. Mine is a music connection, but my soulmate has only listened to one science podcast so far. It was at 3 in the morning too.” You laugh and look over to see Peter looking at you with the same expression from this morning. You see him duck down to pull his phone out of his backpack and frantically untangle his headphones. 

His movements were startling and you reached a hand out to his shoulder. “Are you okay, Peter?” 

He doesn’t respond. His tongue pokes out of the side of his mouth, as he concentrates on his task. He finally untangles the knots and plugs in the wire, with the headphones situated in his ear. He taps away at the screen. All of a sudden, you hear the all too familiar opening of Paper Rings, your song of choice this past weekend. You gasp as Peter looks up at you and turns his phone around showing you the cover art to none other than Taylor Swift’s Lover album. You reach down and pause the song. Silence falls between the two of you as you try and process what had just happened. 

“Y-You.. You’re m-my soulmate?” You know you must look insane, but there is so much happening in your mind that it’s a miracle you can even form the words. 

Peter watches you carefully as he stands up. “Y-yeah, I mean, I had a suspicion from the weekend and this morning, but yeah. I h-hoped it was you.” He admits shyly. 

Your heart could burst. Here was Peter Parker, the boy you had been hoping was your soulmate, admitting that he had hoped the same thing.  Here was Peter Parker, your soulmate. Before you can even process the words, they are coming out of your mouth in quick succession, “Can I kiss you?” 

He seems a bit startled but recovers and gives a small nod. You reach up to wrap your arms around his neck and delicately press your lips to his. He is hesitant at first, but soon leans into the kiss and places his arms around your waist, bringing you closer to him. You pull away from lack of air, but press your foreheads together. Peter laughs. 

You look up at him and smile. “What?”

“You really like Taylor Swift, don’t you? I’m tired of hearing that song bouncing around in my head. I don’t know how someone could listen to the same song for so long.” 

“Shut up. You didn’t even listen to any music at all.”

“I didn’t want to disturb you. Plus, you listen to enough music for the both of us.”

He leans down again to place another kiss on your lips. His arms are still wrapped tightly around you. You were perfectly happy to stay in his embrace forever. Thanking the heaven’s for whoever was responsible for making him the perfect match for you, you kiss him back. 

I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings

I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this

darling, you're the one I want

In paper rings in picture frames in all my dreams

You're the one I want

[kaffeinic]

Caffeinic | Bang Chan

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | Epilogue

Pairing: Reader x Barista!Bang Chan

Genre: Fluff // Romance

Warnings: Fem!Reader

Preamble: You’ve been going to the same coffee shop for the past four years. You’ve ordered the same thing almost every single day, and you never, ever skip on that part of your morning. So, when Mrs. Park hired a new barista and the once serene café was suddenly flooded with people every second of the day, you were less than thrilled.

It was now the morning after the party, and you had officially concluded you wouldn’t attend another one for a very long time. You’ve spent the last three hours or so searching for your phone, which you did not find. You did, however, pick up your house phone and call a friend.

“Dongil! It’s Y/n.” You said.

“Hey! It’s been a while. How’ve you been?” He asked. You and Dongil had been friends for a solid six years, and you loved him so much - platonically, that is.

“I’m pretty good. What about you?” You asked.

“I’m great~! Hannah and I finally got pregnant!” Hannah was Dongil’s wife of two years. The couple had been together since their Freshman year and you had shipped it so hard. With the news, you suddenly squealed with happiness, completely forgetting why you had been so wound up before.

“Really?! That’s amazing! I am so, so happy for you!” You were dancing in place, a huge smile painted on your lips.

“Thanks! I hope you’ll be able to visit for the shower.” He said. You smiled at his words.

“Of course, just let me know when you set a date.” You replied. He hummed in understanding.

“So, was there a reason why you called, or did you just want to catch up?” He asked.

“Both? You know how I’m always losing my stuff?” You asked him. “I’ve lost my phone. Any idea where my dumb butt would have put it?” You asked. The line went silent for a moment.

“Have you checked in that crack between your bed and the wall?” He asked. You hummed in response. “What about that table by the door?” He asked.

“I’ve checked all of the usual places.”

“I don’t have a clue. I would help if I was there, but I can’t. I’m sorry.” He explained.

“No, no. It’s okay. I’m just used to you always thinking of the right place.” You laughed it off, but now your stress was worsening. Your phone had a lot of important things, and you did not have a lock on it. Why? The world may never know. I needed a plot point.

The two of you chatted for a bit longer before hanging up. Once the tone ended, you let out a sigh. It was then that you thought of calling your phone again. Maybe it was in the house, but you just hadn’t seen it. You prayed that the vibrate function was loud enough for you to hear.

You entered your phone number and called. You heard ringing from your end, but couldn’t hear anything else indicating where your phone was. After a few calls and a lot of roaming around the apartment, you received an automated message saying that your phone was turned off. Maybe it died?

It was half an hour before your usual time at the café, and you gathered your things for the subway ride to get there. Throwing on a coat and scarf, you headed out the door, locking it behind you.

The ride was completely uneventful. You mostly just stared out of the window. Part of you was mostly disappointed about your phone because a certain someone was going to ask for your number. You left the station and walked for about ten minutes before coming face-to-face with the front door of the Park’s coffee house.

Pushing it open, you heard the familiar ring of the overhead bell, the aroma of coffee and sweets flooding your senses. You closed your eyes for a moment, enjoying the weight it seemed to lift off of your shoulders. The feeling was almost immediately replaced when you noticed how crowded the shop was again.

You made your way to the counter, waiting a few minutes until you had gotten through the line.

“You have no idea how glad I am to see you.” Chan said from behind the counter. You smiled, but the expression left your face quickly when you saw the look on Chan’s face.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

“I don’t know how, and I don’t know when, but Seoyeon got a hold of my phone number. I haven’t slept all night. She’s relentless.” He explained, rubbing the back of his neck as his head hung low.

“Why didn’t you just block the number?” You asked. He laughed sarcastically.

“I did. Unfortunately, she used it to find my Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Tumblr. She found my Tumblr. My phone number isn’t even linked to my Tumblr.” You could see just how done the man was. He ran his hand through his hair, which you could clearly tell he had been doing all day. All you wanted to do was give him a hug, right there. If you did, it would have been around everyone else in the overpopulated establishment, which you weren’t yet comfortable with.

“I-” You searched for the words. “That’s insane.” You said.

“Enough of my whining. Any luck finding your phone?” He asked.

“First off, you can whine to me any time. Secondly, no. No luck whatsoever.” You said. He smiled at your first statement, then looked around.

“Did you check your entire house?” He asked. You could tell he was skeptical, but knew how to deter that.

“I did, thank you very much, but if you remember correctly, I had my phone when you saw me at the party. It was missing by the time I had gotten in your car.” You said. “It wouldn’t have been there anyway.” Chan smiled at your sassy attitude.

“Alright, I surrender.” He said, holding up his hands. “I was hoping you’d be on time today. I made something I want you to try.” He said, turning around. He grabbed a steaming mug of coffee from the back of the station, facing you. When you grabbed it, you giggled on closer inspection.

“A heart? Really?” You asked. It was a latte with a white heart in the middle, with a little bit of design around it.

“Yes, really. It took me two hours to figure that out. A lot of people here got some gnarly-looking lattes.” He said. You laughed, nearly spilling the drink.

“Y/n, be careful!” He said, placing his hands around yours and the mug. You realized at that moment just how much larger his hands were compared to yours. “I just told you how hard I worked on this, and now you’re trying to throw it at me?” He feigned offense. “How rude.”

“Hey, you know that was an accident.” You paused as you looked at the drink. “Thank you, Channie. It’s really pretty.” You said. He smiled brightly - the brightest smile you’d seen from him all day.

“Your spot’s not open, but I don’t think Mrs. Park will mind if you use one of the seats back here. Chan pointed to one of three chairs placed behind the counter.

“I don’t think I should. She’s not here for me to ask.” You explained. He frowned, but nodded.

“There might be a seat somewhere over there.” He gestured to a booth near the back. “If a seat opens up here-” He began to speak, but you cut him off.

“I’ll run as fast as I can. Don’t worry.” You reassured him, smiling happily. You heaved your bag and your coffee to the back of the dining area, searching for a table that wasn’t yet occupied, finding none. There were a few booths with one or two people at them, but no one you recognized. Huffing, you stood like an idiot in the middle of the room.

“Y/n! Hello, dear. Why don’t you sit over here?” Mrs. Park scared you shitless as she pointed to the chairs that Chan had suggested before. After composing yourself, you smiled and nodded.

“Thanks so much~!” You said. You made your way to the back of the service counter, lightly pushing the door open. Chan looked up and grinned cheekily.

“Told you so.” He pulled out one of the chairs and ushered you towards it, placing his hand on your back. To be perfectly honest, if it had been anyone but him, you would have asked them not to touch you unnecessarily, but after having all but cuddled him in the entrance of your apartment, you figured it was excusable. Plus... it was Chan. He could touch you any time. Hell, you kind of wanted him to. Yes, I’m aware of how bad that sounds, but you know what I meant.

You placed your things on the ground, sipping on your coffee. There wasn’t any room for you to study, but at least it was a seat. You’d prefer this over looking like a fumbling idiot in the middle of the dining area any time of the day.

“You look beautiful today, Y/n.” Chan said, drying a mug. He glanced at you and smiled. You looked at yourself, scoffing.

“I’m in the laziest outfit I’ve been in for weeks, no makeup, and my hair barely passable as brushed. Are you insane?” You asked. He laughed.

“I don’t care. You look beautiful.” He said. He hung the mug he was drying on a hook in the back, grabbing another to repeat the process. You felt bad. He was the only employee back here, and the café was busier than you’d seen it in weeks.

“Do you want some help with that?” You asked. Chan looked at the mug, then at you.

“No. This is my job.” He said. “Plus, as you so eloquently said, the café has been flooded since I came here. I must be partially to blame.” He said. You rolled your eyes.

“Mhmm. Alright.” You replied. The next few minutes were mostly filled with Chan taking new orders and making coffee whilst you observed, noting small nuances in the way he moved and spoke. The more you heard his accent, the more normal it became, and you swore you could copy it if need be. Many customers flirted with him, which he only returned with polite smiles. Part of you wondered if he wanted you to act that way.

Chan had this habit of fiddling with his rings when he didn’t have anything to occupy his hands with, which made you smile. He also seemed to have a solemn, almost sad look to his face when he wasn’t in conversation. You couldn’t decide if it was just how he naturally relaxed his facial expression, or if he truly was sad. In the ten minutes you had been watching him, you decided to make it your mission to find out.

The only thing that snapped you out of your daze was the voice of an all too familiar girl. Seoyeon beamed at Chan, twirling her hair around her fingers. She was so unapologetic with her flirting that it was just getting annoying.

“Hi, Channie~!” She said, waving seductively. Chan looked over at her and seemed to struggle to contain the growing frown on his face.

“It’s Chan. Hi.” He seemed as polite as he could be, considering the night he had apparently gone through.

“I saw that you worked here and wanted to try some coffee.” She said.

“What would you like?” He asked.

“Could you make me something special?” She asked. Chan looked down. You couldn’t see his reaction, but you assumed it was unpleasant.

“Could you please just order from the menu?” He asked. She seemed completely unfazed by his very clearly annoyed tone, scanning the menu behind him. Her eyes widened when she noticed you. “What are you doing here?”

“She’s a regular.” Chan said. He turned to you and flashed a weak smile. “She needed a seat.”

“Does that mean I can go behind the counter, too?” Seoyeon asked. Chan immediately turned back to her.

“No.” He said. “What are you ordering?” He asked. She hummed a tune and looked around. “Caramel macchiato.” Chan nodded his head and got to work.

His greeting for her was a stark contrast to his greeting with you. It became more apparent every time you spoke with him just how much he actually enjoyed your presence. You smiled softly to yourself at the thought. It was then that Junseok came bursting through the café doors.

“Y/n!” He exclaimed.

~

I hope you all enjoyed! I hope this isn’t too much to ask, but I’d really appreciate it if those of you who enjoy this fanfic could reblog the chapters. I’m trying to get some more exposure for the story! If not, it’s okay~ Thanks for reading! I’ll come out with another chapter as soon as I can.

* DISCLAIMER: I do not own any gifs/photos used in this post. I do own the written content. Do NOT repost/edit. *

🏷 @a-toxic-galaxy • @hoshithehamster • @woo-for-woojin

[itchyboogers]

hello comrades

my name is grace. i'm gonna be honest right now, not sure exactly what this post is. just because i can't function without order, i'm gonna make a list of reasons why i'm sharing my story:

to spread awareness

because i need an outlet

many of my friends suggested i share this

simply to entertain whoever might take a look at it

just in case, because of my paranoia, i’m saying right now i don’t want any witch hunt. i feel like saying this is really reaching in terms of how many people are gonna read this, but my concern insists. this is gonna be a long article, so i’m putting the little “read more” thingamabob right here. 

trigger warning, for like, everything

about me; prologue?

as you saw above, my name is grace. i’m 19, and this is a very personal experience that i’ve gone through. first, let me introduce everything that’s wrong with me. i have high-functioning autism, and throughout my life my autism has been the root of my downfall. ever since 2nd grade i’ve gotten the short end of the stick. you always hear about prodigy kids whose grades and social lives falter as the years pass, i am 100% one of them. this story isn’t necessarily about me, but i’ve been through some shit, son. 

i have a family that is more supportive than i could ever ask for, i’m not gonna lie and say that my at-home life was miserable - because home was my safe place, and public school was where i fought my battles. i was a very eccentric kid and while my autism has limited me, it has also given me the ability to think outside of the box, blah blah blah so i’m grateful for it as well. 

by the time i got to 6th grade, things went way more south than i thought they could go. i was a bit of an edgelord back then so i was skipping 4th period with my friend in the locker room. we’re dicking around, looking in lockers, climbing the stalls, being stupid kids. somewhere along the line we jump into the topic of sexuality, and she tells me she thinks she might be bi. i said that wouldn’t change anything about us, and that i might not like boys at all. 

she told me about her parents not agreeing with the whole gay thing and she wasn’t even close to thinking of coming out of the closet because her parents would disown her. real fucked up, but it happened back then still quite frequently. i promised her i wouldn’t tell anybody and that i wouldn’t even think about outing her to anyone, and we gave each other a cute little friend hug, it was cute.

about 3 days later on the weekend, we’re texting and a small argument boils between us and another friend in a group chat. it starts to become a bigger argument, because kids are stupid and dramatic, and i definitely was. she ended up kicking me out of the group chat and i cried myself to sleep (i know lmao). i went to school on monday and i immediately get called into the principal’s office, regarding sexual assault claims. she lied and told the school faculty that i tried to touch her inappropriately during that time we skipped class in the locker room. she also got her friends to tell everybody.

long story short i became severely depressed, gained weight, got my head shoved in a toilet filled with piss by some 8th graders friends with that girl’s older sister, and started self-harming to suppress my urge to hurt other people. my meds got switched around (it’s why i gained weight) and i ended up switching schools because a public school had an IEP i think it was called? anyway

blah blah blah countless school stories and misfortunes blah blah blah crohn’s disease blah blah blah ambulance sent to the school all that jazz. it’s gonna hurt too much if i talk about PRLC, but basically there was a low-funded school for kids who wanted a second chance due to disability, drugs, ect. it was out at a wildlife preservation park with all sorts of animals, i met my best friends there, became the person i am today, ect. but staff changes ended up changing the school for the worse and eventually i got dismissed.

very long depression period, i got kicked out from the school i used to call a second home back in 2018 and this cycle hasn’t ended yet, to this day. i’m hoping writing this will give me some closure or something, because writing about my misfortunes online has sent me opportunities in the past. i am not a perfect person, i never have been, and i can still name many things about my psyche and outlook on life that i’d like to someday change.

the main course

this is where i start talking about somebody that i won’t mention by name, but i’ll call him music boy for convenience. in december of last year i got to see my favorite band live for the second time, the first being april of 2018. i love this band with all my heart, and i’m not going to mention them by name. but after the concert i was going through some heavy post-concert sadness, and i wanted to share my love and appreciation so i find a semi-active discord server dedicated to said band, and i join. i make some friends and acquaintances over a span of 2-3 months.

marijuana got legalized in my state this year, something i had been anticipating for a long time, ergo from january 2020 to the beginning of april 2020, i was in a constant state of stoned off my ass. nobody saw sober grace until the late days of april. i was not in any way able to make proper decisions regarding, say, a relationship. and it was really obvious that i was high, nobody would have thought otherwise.

after i get home from a birthday vacation to arizona on february 2nd, i start going in the voice chats for the server. i would say in the general chat something along the lines of “sick, i’m super baked i’m gonna go bother the voice chat” and i end up in a group chat consisting of most of the server members that are “of age” (so not too many). at this point i’m barely aware i’m making friends, but one person in the group i really happened to resonate with. her name is Christina, and she’s to this day my number 1 mom friend and goblin sibling. <3

i meet a handful of more people in the group chat (we called it the “after hours”) and we have a lot of fun doing different activities over discord. for example we all decided to sign up for club penguin online (which is now proven to be run by a predator, i believe) and we all battled each other in card-jitsu. or i would share my screen as i went on Omegle and did goofy high shit on there and met people under the “memes” or “weed” tags. 

in this after hours group chat, one of the active members was music boy. he was the owner of the server dedicated to the band i love. why music boy? because he wants desperately to become a famous musician. there’s something about music boy that’s... ‘different’. i don’t know if anyone knows what i mean when i say, his energy was awry. the best way to describe music boy is kind of mean, but it’s the only way i’m able to express how this guy is as a person. i can best describe him by saying he expects his life to play out as a WattPad fanfiction, him being the main character. 

just so you get the main point, this one time i was on Omegle dicking around ha ha funny random people, but music boy was silent. he then typed in the chat that he was gonna go on Omegle himself and do something painfully unfunny, he said he was gonna get his guitar and use that as a prop to “vibe check” people on the website. it wasn’t funny but everybody (me included) was sort of brainwashed into thinking he could do no wrong. don’t know how he got me to laugh at that, especially with his delivery of the joke. 

yet, he didn’t want to “vibe check” people, i know that now - he just couldn’t stand when he wasn’t the center of attention. so he left and told a mod, who was also in the group chat, to join the server voice chat with him. and he announced that he was streaming himself vibe checking people on Omegle. the iffy part about that is that the entire reason he made the after hours chat was to keep NSFW stuff off the server, and it was basically prompted by me streaming myself messing around on Omegle and seeing a lot of (pretty expected) male genitalia. i’m not gonna explain that any further because anybody with a brain can understand why that was a confusing move on his part.

eventually february 14th came by, and i, being as high as i was, decided to send music boy a bunch of goofy valentine’s day cards, like the ones that were popular in 2013. i kept sending them because at the time i thought it was so funny, and i’m a natural flirt when i’m stoned. keep in mind everybody knew they hadn’t seen me sober yet, the joke in the server was basically 'when is grace not high?’ so it was evident that my decision-making process was impaired.

for some reason music boy wanted us to all play DnD, even though half of us didn’t know or give a rat’s ass how to play. i would make stupid jokes, and everybody would laugh, but music boy would exaggerate, he would go ‘oh thats how it is? is that how this is going to be’ or some unfunny shit like that because he thought every single joke or reference that anyone made had something to do with him, because, you know, he is the main character, after all. he eventually made a really embarrassing big deal about him ‘accepting my valentine proposal’ and then he went to bed i guess.

the next day or two is a blur to me, all i remember and know is that Christina knew that he was taking advantage of me always being super high, but she didn’t want to assume anything. like she had always seen me make a joke and then would see music boy turn that joke sexual, even when it was nearly impossible to make a suggestive joke out of what i originally joked about, which to be honest was probably my flawless Sméagol impression. but he would repeat the Gollum voice and say something unfunny that we all laughed at.

basically, if you haven’t caught on, music boy is a major egotistical narcissist that cannot stand having somebody that isn’t him being paid attention to. he told me his “dream” (that's TOTALLY gonna come true, by the way) was to go to a concert of the band the server was dedicated to, but he would show up in a custom made shirt that said “[lead singer of band] IS A THOT” and then the band’s guitarist would point it out and laugh because it’s SO funny and then get the lead singer’s attention, who would pull music boy on stage and challenge him to pehen he would start serenading the crowd and all the girls’ panties would instantly get soaked, all the tabloids would hear about it, and the band would jizz their pants, and he would become an overnight sensation.

here’s where stuff gets dodgy. i’m not claiming this is abuse, because i don’t have experience with abusive relationships, and i’m not in any place to assume that i understand what it’s like to be in one, but my friends have told me that he mentally abused me and took advantage of the state i was in. somewhere along the line he would, in the group call, tell his sob story about how all his friends ghosted him and tried to cancel him because of some sort of misconduct accusation in a previous server, and how i was his savior for putting my trust in him and believing his side of the story and he said some things about becoming a happier person because he met me, and it was all very unnecessarily dramatic and extremely manipulative disregarding if he noticed he was doing it or not.

I.E.

“and... then I met this girl... this really weird girl! then i saw her face, and i thought i loved her, but i found out she only liked girls and i lost all hope but then out of nowhere she sends me valentines cards! and now shes my valentine”

or some really really stupid gay shit like that, it’s the best i can imitate him without gagging or getting sick. then eventually (eventually being equal to ‘within the first week of meeting me’) he hEsiTaNtLy asks me to, like, idk be his e-girlfriend. he knew i was baked to oblivion and wasn’t in a proper state to make up my mind on anything serious but then again am i the main character? 

no. 

music boy is the main character.

if i’m being gut-wrenchingly honest here, i only genuinely liked the idea of being in an e-relationship with music boy for a day or a day and a half. the entire time i was just stoned out of my mind and not thinking as i normally do, i was nonchalant until april fools day when all hell broke loose in the server. on a live stream, the lead singer of the band made a suggestion that he was in the server that music boy made. and dear God, you would have thought it was the second coming of Christ by the way music boy reacted to it. 

he was being unbelievably hyper, even for someone with ADHD. he was hauling his uncanny-valley looking forcibly ripped body around his room like a genetically mutated spider monkey, banging his head against his bed, stopping mid-sentence to play a quirky chord on his handy dandy acoustic guitar while he looked in the webcam and made a quirky blank face. it was like watching a six y/o meet Iron Man, even though there was nothing really to be too elated about. 

he made an emoji for it and everything, he even posted on the “Official [band name] Discord Server”’s instagram account, but it was just a video of him, and the thumbnail was his goofy ass face, the whole video was just music boy saying unfunny shit trying to lowkey promote the server while flexing at the same time, something like [lead singer] we know you’re here!! you are welcome here my lord idk lmfaooo

but at this point i was becoming too sober to stand by silently and watch this moron suck his own toes, i wasn’t gonna act like his music was good and i wasn’t gonna act like he was gonna become a superstar without question. the breaking point was mostly when he almost came his pants and cried when the lead singer allegedly joined his server, but i came close to breaking when i started casually humming in the group call and hes like 

Hold Up 👁️👄👁️ wait you’re so good... why are you so good? you’re like really good and i mean it!! you’re like, almost as good as me! but you know i have YEARS of practice you know haha but you’re like super good!

and then I decided to humor myself by showing him a cover i recorded and the first thing he said after listening to it halfway was “this scares me”, so that was a pretty big warning sign.

blah blah blah i cried for an hour after that then called him again just to break up with him because of my own mental health and he did handle this very well, not bashing him for that. i basically told him no we aren’t taking a break this shindig will no longer continue, like at all, ever and hes like okay cool yknow it hurts but ill get over it, and i really didnt expect that. because, he basically implied that if i left him he would k*ll himself.

i tried to keep the friendship going because i dont like abandoning people, but he slowly started getting distant from me, and the entire server kind of distanced themselves from me too, but at the time i only noticed music boy getting apprehensive with me. keep in mind (i keep saying that, don’t i?) i thought everybody in the server was cool with me making offensive-ish jokes because they had no problem with it during the time i was “with” music boy. then one day i get called out for talking about - i’m not joking - weed. i started ranting about how weed is my medicine and it was kinda silly to get so pissy over the devil’s lettuce but i dont think i made too big of a deal out of what i could have made.

couple days later im talking in the server again. i’m a very blunt person, my humor is very dry and it can tend to go over some people’s heads if they don’t have enough brain cells. i made a joke that i’d already made in the server before about me being r-word because autism and haha funny joke. 

i get kicked out of the server.

at the time i was confused because i had no idea that i even said anything wrong. i messaged music boy a bit passive-aggressively because despite my confusion i still had a vague idea of what was happening. i said something like "was i too edgy" and like 3 minutes later he responds "you were making a lot of dudes uncomfortable”

mcscuse me bietch?

NOBODYYYYY in the general chat had told me that i was making them feel uncomfy whatsoever, and i dont think anything could have implied that anyone was in any way uncomfortable, and with these social situations i’ve explained to everyone in the after hours chat that sometimes i don’t get social cues. i’m autistic!!! it’s a very rare occurrence when i’m able to ‘read the room’. i thought they knew that but they decided to have a private staff meeting and they all agreed it was best to BAN ME from the server. 

the thing is if i had been messaged, if i was let known that people were bitching about me calling myself r******d then i would have definitely complied. i can understand people feeling a bit weird when i make fun of myself using no-no words, and i’m definitely willing to stop saying a certain thing if it genuinely makes somebody feel uneasy. but nobody said anything about it to me. not a single word.

considering the server has gone to a snowflake kingdom since my exit, i’m not too upset about being kicked out. what i am upset about regards him knowing i wasn’t in a proper state to make any decisions. decisions including NSFW decisions that he hinted at for about 5 minutes before i stopped saying ‘ehhh i don’t know if i’m comfortable with this’ and he didn’t have to beg for coochie anymore. i’m honestly lucky because i can’t remember most of what he coaxed me to do, because if i think about it too much it gets traumatic and i start feeling nauseous.

Christina has been in the server just to tell me what new bullshit has been going on in the rules, and the ever-expanding list of things that you aren’t allowed to talk about in the server, we have a good chuckle at it. i got high again about a week ago, and told my friends the audacity of what music boy actually had done to me and we all agreed to go under a vpn and raid the server, because why not, its funny haha goofy joke. we were having the best time and i was about to piss myself laughing when one of my friends name-drops me and the whoooole gig is over. we get kicked out and Christina pretends to act like she had no clue what was going on, so she could stay in and screenshot this:

she didn’t know how badly that term in itself would send me down a long overdue psychotic episode because about a year or two ago, i was getting concerned that i might have anti-social personality disorder, the ‘proper’ term for a diagnosed psychopath. it ended up nonconclusive, so i don’t necessarily believe i have it, but for some reason him calling me that word really fucked me up. but here’s a pretty funny and cringy sequence of things he typed in to get his cult of teenagers to feel bad for him.

don’t go looking for this person, don’t go looking for the band, i’m just sharing my story because maybe somebody could benefit from my experience being told. i’m trying to jump over this long ass hurdle that’s kept me in one place for wayyy too long, i’m hoping that sharing this endeavor could help my psyche, and perhaps push me forward and lead me towards gathering up the courage i’m missing to finally study for and take the GED test, graduate, and put public school and it’s challenges behind me.

if you read this long and want to talk to me about it, by all means, ask questions, make jokes, ask for more goofy ass screenshots of how i’ve made fun of him, more drama queen music boy tales, because we have a handful, trust me. 

i don’t expect anyone to read this or necessarily care about this, but if you’ve come this far, from the bottom of my heart, do not date a musician. and, of course, thank you for reading. but still, don’t date a musician. especially if it’s a man. mega especially x2 if you’ve only known them for less than a week.

add me on roblox i’m user xulue i’m a funny gal and im a pro gamer

stay safe out there, be kind, and for the love of God don’t bring your guitar to the voice channel <3

[eternaljouska]

Wishing on the Well - Lee Seokmin

Pairing: Seokmin x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 3,061

Notes: College starts kicking in, people, I don’t know what to think. Let me know what you think about this, though.

He’s there again. Meaning: another coin out of his pocket and into the wishing well. But you should know.

It was your first late day ever, on your way to the stop right outside the complex for Bus 218 heading to the mini-park where the bakery you worked at was located, you heard him before you saw him. His voice had taken your breath away, or maybe that’s just the little run that you did. But his voice might as well do. It’s mesmerizing, you’d noticed, once you’d come to accept that arriving five minutes earlier than most of the employees was certainly not late at all—although the thought of Mrs. Park baking since early six forty-five alone didn’t sit well with you.

The others would arrive around seven, thirty minutes before open hours, but you’re used to taking the six-thirty bus and arriving five minutes before the owner of the bakery even did. But then, tapping your feet as you wished the bus to come ahead of the schedule, you couldn’t help but sneak a glance at the considerably tall guy standing in front of the wishing well, singing after he threw his coin away as if his vocal cord wouldn’t work unless he did so.

You’d found yourself taking the six-forty-five bus since then.

The day after you’re late, you had come extra early to the bus stop. And yet, unfortunately, it’s the bus turn to be late. It was ten minutes later, exactly at six-forty, no bus at sight, but he was. He strolled down from the opposite street of your complex’s and stopped right in front of the wishing well, an abandoned, shallow well, which was probably older than your mother. People had agreed not to cover the mouth of the wall. They cleaned it up a bit from the wild grass and moss around it, even went as far as hanging a bell from the pulley where the rope’s used to be. From that day onwards, a lot of people had come to ring the bell and throw a coin, whispering their wishes to the brand new wishing well. That’s what he did, you observed. Ringing the bell, throwing out a coin, and bringing his hands near his chest, his eyes tightly closed. But he did something nobody else did. He sang.

He would sing a whole song and then leave. That went on for more than a week, which was why now you couldn’t take your eyes away from the shrinking wishing well as your bus drove away from it. You were reluctant to even step into the bus in the first place, keep halting on your steps and peeking around it to look for him. But that was until the driver honked you from your thoughts. You didn’t see him that day.

He’s still absent on the next day. You’d skipped six-thirty and six-forty-five bus and opted for the later seven-o’clock bus, which earned you another question from your employer. Mrs. Park had questioned you the first two late days, but she didn’t mind it because she’s been trying to make you quit coming too early for work since you received no extra cash for that. She was actually happy that you’d come about the same hours as your colleagues. But now that you’re officially late and walking sluggishly through the back door, mellow eyes and downturned lips, the first thing that passed through her mind was that something’s wrong. She asked you exactly one question in the hope that it’d help clear her worries away, but the impact was the contrary. You answered her with an I’m sorry and then proceeded to the locker room and worked all through the day as if nothing had happened.

You’re losing sleeps these past two days. And you admitted it was crazy, but you just wanted to see him once again, hear him once again, only to make sure that he’s okay. It’s crossed your mind. Maybe whatever it was that he’s wishing for was already granted, that’s why he didn’t visit the well anymore. Maybe the well could actually grant wishes after all. Maybe. And you’d take that chance, however slim that was. And for that, you’re standing in front of the wishing well at six-thirty, letting the loud bus drove away behind you and buried the sound of your wish as you threw your coin and closed your eyes.

“Hey!” someone called out, interjecting your solemn moment. “You’re the bus stop girl!” The man had spoken with so much enthusiasm that when you finally turned around, it surprised you to see him freezing on his track to put his hand behind his neck with what seemed like an embarrassment blooming red on his ears. However, putting it like that was only undermining the shock running through your veins. Yes, you’re the bus stop girl. But he only knew that because he was your—no! the—wishing well guy.

“Um, hey,” he said, the volume of his voice so much lower than before now that he’s talking from only a few feet away from you. “I’m sorry. For… the nickname. It just came out. You’re always watching me from the bus stop, that’s why.”

“No, I’m not!” you chirped, making him laugh in response, a sound which as it turned out, had a tremendous effect on your nerves.

“Yes, you are. You always sit on that bench”—he pointed at your regular bench, a big smile still sitting on his face—“from before six-thirty, I think, and you don’t even get in after the first bus arrived. You always jump on the second one. If you’re not watching me you would’ve taken the first bus or come later to the stop.”

“That’s not true! I wasn’t- I wasn’t here yet for the first bus. It’s not- How- how could you know? You’re not here before six-forty,” you argued.

“I’m… I’m not here before six-forty? Now how do you know the exact time I’d be here?” The man only chuckled when you couldn’t muster up a swift reply for him.

“You- you yourself are always here throwing coins and making wishes and then singing as if you have too much money from singing in the park or something and decided it’d be wise to donate some to the wishing well. What even were your wishes, huh?”

The big grin on his face only grew, lifting his cheeks and forming crescents with his eyes. Frankly, it was amusing for him to see how your tone and expression made a slight turn and became more aggressive. He could imagine hearing the gears shifting in your head, changing their strategy from defense to offense. He put away his thought and finished it with a small chuckle before he relented with his teasing manner to answer your question. “Ahh, there’s only one. I was… wishing to win this singing competition.”

“What?! Why?” you exclaimed, utter disbelief took over your face in an instant. “You don’t need to wish it! Your voice is amazing!”

He shot you a ghost of a smile and waved your words away. “Ah, no, it’s not amazing. It’s okay, I think. But, thank you. It’s not really- um, anyway, it’s your first time making your wish here, isn’t it? In the last two weeks that I was here, I’d never seen you throwing coins.”

You frowned at his attempt to brush away your compliments and change the direction of your conversation from him and his voice. “Um, yeah,” you mumble in a pout, eyes staring up at him as if they’re searching for signs or explanations or whatever. But then his question almost knocked you off your feet.

“What were you wishing for?”

“Oh, that!” you squeaked. Your hands rushed to cover your mouth at the sound of your high-pitched voice and tried to swallow down your nerves, blush creeping rapidly on your cheeks. “I, um, you- uh, no! It’s… nothing! Yeah, it’s nothing!”

“Me…?”

“No! Well, ugh, kind of? I mean, you hadn’t been here for the last two days, so… I…You know, um…”

The man took a step closer and leaned forward with a raised brow. “So you wished I’d come?”

“Well, um, yeah, maybe, something like that.” You lowered your head to hide the furious blush on your cheeks, and yet you couldn’t help but raised it up again at the sound of his laughter.

“Those two days, I was at Ilsan. The final competition was held there.”

“Oh? So that’s the competition you’re talking about? How’s the result? Did you win?” you urged him with your question, the previous abashment quickly washed away by your excitement.

He nods timidly. And you gasped, eyes growing wide as you let out a squeal and jumped up and down, hands grabbing for his to make him jump with you. The man followed suit and let out a series of small laughter that deformed his eyes into permanent crescents—at least, until you stopped jumping, for you remember there are dough waiting for you to be baked in a certain bakery on the park.

“Hey, are you free? Today?”

“Hm?” he mumbled in surprise. “Me? Today? Yes, why?”

“You wanna go to the bakery I work at? I’ll make you something. A little celebration for the winner!” you enthused, hands still holding onto his without actually being aware of it.

“No, it’s okay, you don’t have to do that.”

“Come on… this is the least I can do after watching your free solo concert for days. What do you say?” You peered at him with a big smile on your face, but when he didn’t say anything right away you continued, “Come on! You don’t wanna miss the second bus, it’s gonna make me late 15 minutes more than the usual.”

“Wait… So you’re late because you’re watching me sing?”

You dropped his hands and brought yours behind your back, hiding your fiddling fingers from him. “Well…”

“Well…?” he probed, his tone still thickly coated in amusement.

“Well, let’s- let’s just go to the bakery, shall we?” You forced a smile on your face and grabbed his hand once again to guide him to the bus stop.

“Hey,” you start meekly after you both settled on the bench in slightly awkward silence.

“Hm?”

“If… if you won the competition, why’d you come here again today?”

“Ahh, that, I, uh, I wanna wish for the courage to finally talk to you.”

Hearing his honest admission, you’re caught off guard, and you knew for a fact that your cheeks were burning red because of it. So without any clear idea of what you’re doing, you jumped from your seat and rushed to stand beside the stop sign, half-shouting, “The bus is here! The bus is here.” Although, it was only three minutes later that the bus actually made its appearance known.

You spent your whole ride shaming yourself for everything that you’d done in front of him—mainly because of the bus is here predicament. You swore to God, you’re only good at making yourself look strange. And strange enough, you’re quite thankful for every of your self-cursing and self-blaming that you did on the ride since apparently, it distracted you from the real problem that you had sitting beside you and saved you from another disconcerting situation.

You didn’t walk side by side. You came out of the bus first. Then he followed you from behind and kept on doing so until you reached the bakery’s door and opened it for him. It’s making you all the more self-conscious, but one look at him, you’d see that he also had no idea on how to carry himself around you.

It was a pleasant surprise for Mrs. Park to see you walk in with a guy. And within two seconds, she’s finished connecting the dots and knew for sure the reason behind your unusual behavior lately. It must’ve been him. So when you entered the kitchen to take over, she let you, for she could already guess what your intention was.

You presented him a platter of various mini berry scones approximately forty minutes later, and the relief that washed over you seeing him sitting still on his table was simply unimaginable. While baking, you’d imagined him sneaking out of the bakery and choosing not to see you ever again. But now that you saw his eyes lit up at the sight of you—or maybe the pastries—you’re again reminded on how he came to the well to wish for the courage to talk to you.

“Hey, I’m sorry for making you wait,” you said as you placed the pastries on the middle of the table and asked for your friend to help with the water.

“Don’t worry. I don’t mind.”

Honestly, he did mind. Because evidently his thought was toxic, and forty-minute waiting time was almost enough to kill him on the spot. But of course, he couldn’t tell you that, just like how he couldn’t tell you the three syllables of his name, Lee Seokmin. From the second that he blurted out the nickname he had for you at the wishing well, Seokmin believed that he’d be a disaster. After seeing how you reacted to him, though, somehow his confidence built up enough that he encountered no significant issues in talking to you.

He’d found you adorable, and the warmth enveloping his heart had made words and teases come easier. But whenever silent fall between you and him and he was left with his own thought, he couldn’t get past the fact that he wanted so badly to introduce himself properly and ask for your name. All this while, the conversation had been about him, but he wanted to take over and be the one who’d ask you questions instead.

That was why his eyes were busy going back and forth from your face to the pastries, which made you giggle and commented, “You can dive in.” He admitted that the thought of diving into those pastries was tempting and greatly distracting, but that was not all that’s on his mind. He was busy collecting praises in his head to start a conversation with you. Truthfully, he’d been doing that since you left him on his table alone. Nobody else was in the bakery, only some of your colleagues, giving him polite smiles. Seokmin’s gaze had swum around the room, noticing little details that perhaps could be a conversation starter. But now that you directed his focus to the pastries, he’s certain that he didn’t have the power on earth to kill the spark in his eyes and prevent himself to actually dive in.

Maybe he should start with the pastries first and foremost.

At that time, you would even say that his eyes burned from the intense excitement he projected at your permission. And you could feel the fire transferred to your eyes and spread to your whole body when he said in delight, “This is really good! Mmph, like, really, really good! I knew from the smell alone it’s going to be fantastic, but this is phenomenal!”

As you laughed and sheepishly thanked him for his praises, you remembered the time earlier when he’s the one on the end of your praises. “Hey, why were you acting strangely after I complimented you?”

He cleared his throat for a second before he chugged on his water. “Ahh, it’s just, I’m not that good. I still need to work harder on my voice.”

“Aye, you’re too hard on yourself.” You sent him a disapproving look, but he wasn’t even looking at you to notice it. “You wanna know what’s not that good? These scones I made you.”

He whipped his head up to shoot you one horrified look. “What? No! This is extremely delicious. I told you, this is phenomenal. They’re phenomenal! I could eat these for the rest of my life.”

“Liar,” you scoff. “I wouldn’t believe that if you don’t believe how extremely delicious your voice is. I could listen to that for the rest of my life.”

“Aye, you’re too nice. And, what even were you saying? Delicious voice?”

He brushed you away with his chuckles, but you’re not giving up, even though you couldn’t stifle your defeated sigh. “So you think you won the competition because of the well? And if that so, then my meeting you is also the well doing? And not because you are—hey, wait! You didn’t actually make the wish! The courage wish! But you’re here, all fine with talking to me. No stutters, no nothing. Courage is okay. See! You don’t need the wishing well at all…” you let your words drifted, for when you’re about to say his name, you realized that you had not a single idea.

“Seokmin,” he supplied, a small smile budding on his lips. “Lee Seokmin.” And somehow relief and pride rushed within his system at the major accomplishment of saying his name aloud to you, even if you’re the one who had to pull it out of his lips—even with his lack of ability to lead the conversation or ask you of your name in change. But at least, he could draw a smile out of you. Maybe he should just see how things were going and let the time trickled comfortably.

 “Seokmin”—you nodded several times as if considering the weight of his name on your tongue—“I like your name. And I like your voice. And, I’d really like it if you’re more confident about it. Then it’d be phenomenal.” You moved your eyebrows up and down before you both burst into laughter.

Yes, maybe seeing her eyes crinkle, or hearing her tinkling laugh, or savoring her berry scones were more than enough. Maybe, this was more than enough for now.

When your laughter quieted down, he gifted you with the most genuine smile you’ve ever seen—or at the very least, at that moment he made any other smile seemed insignificant. He stared at you for a few seconds before muttering, “Thank you, um…”

“Y/n.”

“Thank you very much, Y/n. I- I, um, I like your scones,” Seokmin said before falling into a fit of nervous laughter.

And this time, you swore in your heart that sometimes, being embarrassing was worth it after all.

[imaginedanganronpa]

Can you please do some headcanons on how the DR2 cast would land themselves in detention? It’s for comedy.

This one took a long time, I hope you enjoy! It was super fun to write.

How The SDR2 Cast Would Get Detention!

Hajime Hinata

He is a good student who rarely gets in trouble. When hedoes, it’s for pretty minor things. With that said, he also rarely loses his temper.

Hajime was good friends with Chiaki but their relationship started to causequestions to arise within the other Reserve Course students. 

Rumors were spreading that he was using her to sneak into the Ultimate program.This really got under Hajime’s skin but what could he do to stop it? Pretty soon, everyone was giving him the cold shoulder.

He overheard two of the other Reserve students snickering as he walked by andhe just lost it. 

“What?” The other two boys, whom he has never seen before, stare at Hajime withsmug grins. “Take that back, now.”

His eyes were flashing with red. Hajime doesn’t get angry easily but he’lldefend his friends if he needs to, putting their interest above his own.

“Admit it, you’re using that girl… what’s her name, Chiaki?” 

In a fit of blind rage, Hajime slips his shirt off and storms up to the otherstudents, shirtless and getting in their face. “I said take it back!” 

You’d think that the half-nudity would be enough. When the teachers finallycame to their aide, breaking up a potential fight before it could happen, theyslapped a detention slip into Hajime’s hands.

Staring down at the small paper slip, it read that he was getting detention for a Dress Code Violation.

He assumed that it was because he took off his shirt and tried punching thesmug little kids, but… no, not entirely. Once he stomped down to the detentionroom, the proctor welcomed him and examined the slip.

He’s a pretty calm, collected kid with a good head on his shoulders so his reaction to the rumors caused him to feel embarrassed. Plus, some of the adults got on him for interacting with the Ultimate students already.

“Oh, so you’re the kid who was exposing his shoulders, huh?”

Hajime, puzzled, looks at the man. “My… shoulders?”

Chiaki Nanami

Sleeping in class is a given, but she just can’t help it.It’s something she’s gotten in trouble for in the past but has since slippedby. The adults started to accept it since she’s a good student, regardless of sleeping so much.

Ever since she became Class Representative, though, the teachers haven’t beenso lenient towards Chiaki. 

She is the Ultimate Gamer so bringing her video games to class is not out of the ordinary andsomething that most people don’t mind, at least not until it becomes adistraction.

The rest of her class were slowly beginning to huddle around her as she played,her fingers dancing along the controller and her eyes were glued to the screen.Chiaki completely zoned out everything Chisa was saying.

More than once, she tried getting the Gamer’s attention and eventually shesnapped. “Everyone, get away from Chiaki right now! Pay attention.”

But not even that could bring her back to reality. The faint sounds of her gamein the background still playing, she stormed up to the small girl. 

Chisa, as politely as possible, grabbed the system out of her hands and placedit behind her back. It caused her to lose the Level and, being newly sleep-deprivedand overly-invested in the game, Chiaki let her tongue slip.

“What the fuck… come at me bro.”

Her expression was still blank but the comment wasn’t very highly appreciated,seen more as a threat.

Chisa sent her directly to detention and the rest of her class watched, astonished, as their Representative became one of the ‘bad kids’ even for just a day.

What can she say? She really loves her games.

Nagito Komaeda

Knowing Nagito, he’d do something that ends up goinghorribly wrong.

He just wanted to plan out a surprise for his class, baking them sweet treatswith the help of Teruteru. Nagito had good intentions but his luck isn’t veryreliable. 

He also decided to slip into Seiko’s lab and ask her for some vitamins to makethem taste better, not really believing in his baking skills. He left Teruteru alone with the sweets, giving him an ampleopportunity to slip some unwanted Aphrodisiacs into the food. 

Nagito also grabbed the wrong bottle without looking, accidentally swiping someLaxatives instead.

But he was so proud of what he’d made, he had to share it with everyone! Hemade sure to stop by the Teacher’s Lounge and the Headmaster’s Office as wellsince he had more leftovers than expected. 

And he didn’t want to eat his own baked goods since that’s just not respectful;it wasn’t meant for him but for his friends instead. So, Nagito didn’t get a chance to taste-test the food beforehand.

Well, those good intentions went out the window. Teruteru didn’t know about the Laxatives, and Nagito didn’t know about the Aphrodisiacs, which is a killercombination. 

It was bad enough that his entire class and Chisa had consumed the foodcontaining the two, but to make matters worse, so did the higher-up staffmembers, including Headmaster Jin. For the entire day, those who ate it were in and out of the bathroomand stumbling all over one another in the process, heated and intimate… to put it lightly. Nagitodidn’t really understand, was it that good?

He’d only realized he took the wrong bottle when it was too late, and Teruteruconfessed to slipping in the extra drug while in his… hot state. But Nagito gotblamed for it all and ultimately sentenced to detention.

“Damn, just my luck!”

Ibuki Mioda

She’s definitely a firecracker but Ibuki doesn’t have evilintentions, so she’d do something without really intending to. 

Ibuki would be in the Music Room, practicing and writing songs as she always did. Shehas the tendency to skip classes to have her own personal concert instead.

Her signature flame guitar would have some part in it.

It didn’t take the staff very long to find her holed up in the MusicRoom, the loud heavy metal blaring from inside was a dead giveaway. 

Knocking on the door,they call for her name with no response, it was too loud and the musician couldn’t hear them.

The door swings open to find Ibuki completely lost in the music. So much so,that when she finally notices the cluster of adults standing in the doorway sheturns quickly to give them a good view of the show. 

Unfortunately, she completely forgot about the flames shooting out from herguitar which lit the front of the room on fire, knocking over some rather expensive equipment in the process.

The entire school had to be evacuated immediately, students and teachers alikerushing through the doors for their lives. The Fire Department also had to becalled, which lead Ibuki to explain how she started the fire that nearly burneddown the entirety of Hope’s Peak Academy.

She can’t help herself from giggling and got sent to detention for a ‘Terroristic Act Against the School.’

Hey, she thought that sounded pretty cool! Maybe she’ll name a song after that.

Gundham Tanaka

Being the Ultimate Animal Breeder, everyone is well-aware ofhis love for and ownership of all kinds of species. Hope’s Peak does allow Service Animals and gives specialprivileges to those with animal-related talents.

Which is why he’s able to bring his hamsters, or Four Dark Devas of Destruction, with him eachday.

Here and there, he’ll bring another one of his various pets as well. He’sbrought a couple cats on some days, and during others he’s brought one of his smalldogs. Gundham has walked into class with a bird perched on his shoulder before,too. You never know what he’ll bring to class.

But there’s still a line that even he can’t cross.

And everyone knows that Gundham has pets that he probably shouldn’t, but that’s whyhe’s an Ultimate after all!

His hamsters are never a disturbance and everyone has come to know and lovethem. Cats, dogs, and birds aren’t too much of a hassle as long as he keeps upwith them.

It’s not until he tries sneaking bigger animals in that there’s an issue. 

The first strike was his ball-python which isn’t venomous, but some of theother students with less experience around snakes were still a little bitfrightened. It stayed curled around his neck all day, hidden in his scarf.

He jumped straight to strike three when he walked up to the front door with a full-grown Tiger on a leash. Juzo stopped him immediately and forbade him fromentering the building. 

“What do you mortals know about the beauty of this feline?! She will pouncebefore you even know what is happening! Do not mess with me!”

Though he claims that she was domesticated, his… threats weren’t appreciated.So he and his Tiger spent the day in detention.

Mikan Tsumiki

The poor thing doesn’t try to end up in the compromisingpositions… it just kind of, happens. She can’t help that she’s clumsy!

By now, everyone in her class is pretty used to it. The same doesn’t go for theother Ultimates in different classes or the Reserves, though.

She’d be late to class one day; Mikan is already an emotional wreck. She’scrying and rushing through the hallway because she was already going to beembarrassed enough having to walk into class after it started.

Mikan is pushing past the others in the hall politely, apologizing the entiretime when she just… trips. Her foot catches on the opposite ankle and she goescollapsing, falling forward.

She’d fall on top of a few innocent students with her legs slightly spread,back arched a bit, skirt accidentally flipping up, and wrists falling above herhead. The student that she fell on was a complete stranger, someone she’dnever seen before nevertheless had a conversation with.

“Oh God, I’m sorry! I’m so very sorry!”

Both of their faces are bright red now and she erupts into a fit of tears. 

Though she didn’t intend on falling or ending up in this predicament, theteacher that had been standing just outside of her classroom while the studentsfiled in witnessed it happen and immediately was at a loss for words.

“You, miss!” She exclaims while storming towards Mikan. “Explain yourself!”

“I-It’s not what it looks like~!” Mikan pleas but the teacher is having none ofit. She got sent straight to detention for sexual advances on another student,PDA, and indecent public exposure. 

She’d walk into detention in a fit of tears because she didn’t mean to!

Kazuichi Souda

He may be a Mechanic but Kazuichi is quite skilled in manyaspects of technology as a whole. He doesn’t just have to work on cars,airplanes, and so on but he is also handy with your everyday laptop as well.

Kazuichi’s sense of humor is fairly peculiar. 

He’ll do things for his own amusement even if no one asks him to and if youever dare him to do something, he’ll complete it without a doubt. 

One day, he got the bright idea to pull a little prank on Chisa. He knew thattheir class was going to watch a film about the history of Hope’s Peak Academy thatafternoon and decided to have a little fun with it.

Kazuichi got to class earlier than the rest of his peers, whilst Chisa wasrunning errands for Munakata, and rewired her laptop. 

His mind was racing with ideas when he finally settled on the perfect video toreplace the film with. 

He was able to set it up so that he could control the video with a remotecontrol at his own disposal. Unfortunately, Chisa was in a rather hostile moodthat day and wasn’t feeling like dealing with Kazuichi’s shenanigans.

In the middle of the film, he switched the button and it started playing noneother than the classic Rick Roll, ‘Never Gonna Give You Up.’

His classmates were dead silent for a moment, all wide-eyed and trying toprocess what they were looking at – of course he had to Rick Roll his wholeclass.

Kazuichi couldn’t hold back his amusement, his smile twisting widely andbursting into a fit of loud laughter. Chisa immediately knew that this had tobe his doing.

He got sent to detention for the rest of the day, but if you ask him – it wascompletely worth it.

Peko Pekoyama

Meditating was her go-to form of de-stressing. It’s where shecould be found during most of the day.

As the Ultimate Swordswoman, her sword was never too far from her side. Pekohad locked herself in the quiet room for hours so she could melt away fromreality for a while.

Her peace was disrupted once the doors swung open and her eyes darted over hershoulder.

Peko’s intensely quick reflexes were nearly the death of Hope’s Peak’scustodian, as she launched her sword over her shoulder blindly, not bothering to look and see whowas there, and snipping the ends of the custodian’s hair in the process.

The blade was stuck in the wall, mere inches from their face as their eyeswidened. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know anyone was in here!”

Despite being known as the Ultimate Swordswoman, even Peko can’t go aroundtossing swords at people’s faces with no repercussions.

She was sent to the Office immediately where she showed absolutely no remorse. 

“They shouldn’t have sneaked up on a meditating trained killer – that’s how youend up with a sword in your neck.”

The adults in the room tried to explain to her why that isn’t socially acceptable,in which Peko calmly responded with, “Do you want to find out why I’m anUltimate?”

Done with her shit, they sent her to detention and she put up a bit of a fight. Peko didn’t understand what the big deal was. She wasn’t trying to violently threaten the staff, that’s just the way they took it!

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu

He’s got a big mouth which is something no one candeny, not even Fuyuhiko himself.

It just comes with the attitude and pressure that the Yakuza has on his plate, and a bit ofa superiority complex as well.

He didn’t fully respect a lot of the adults he was surrounded by which lead toa lot of conflict. Typically speaking, though, the adults understand due to hisbackground and don’t tend to mess with him since he is a Kuzuryuu after all.

They just treated him like a little kid, and he’s not a fuckin’ little kid!

They had a substitute teacher one day who wasn’t completely aware of their talents andbegan to push Fuyuhiko’s buttons. Had she known he was a Yakuza, she wouldn’t have dared touch him with a ten-foot pole.

There were several ways that the situation could’ve been avoided.

But he snapped and stood on his desk, veins protruding from his neck and forehead. “Do you knowwho the fuck I am? I could have your head on my desk by the end of the day!”

Fuyuhiko has a fairly colorful way of speaking as well and he didn’t stopthere. Once the substitute demanded that he got down from the desk, he took itone step further.

“Leave me alone, lady! Or I’ll rip out your small intestine through your mouth,your large intestine out through your ass, and use them as a fuckingjump-rope!”

She stared at the Yakuza in complete shock. Once he finally calmed down andrealized what was said, he broke a sweat and shrugged.

He didn’t care if he got sent to detention, she shouldn’t have been bugging him!

Sonia Nevermind

She’s pretty new to Hope’s Peak and their school system, it’scompletely different than the one in her home country. 

With that said, Sonia had never gotten detention before in her life. Even aftertransferring, she was convinced that she couldn’t possibly get detention. The thought never crossed her mind.

Failing to realize that her status as a Princess doesn’t carry as much weighthere, she feels untouchable. Despite that, she’s a fairly well-behaved studentanyway.

Sonia can be a bit bossy, though. When Chisa had to step out to take care ofpersonal matters, she assumed that her leadership-abilities could come in handyand took the responsibility of ‘teaching the class’ which was more likecommanding them to doing as she pleased.

Most of them somewhat listened, although Hiyoko, Peko, and Fuyuhiko weren’tgoing to let her boss them around; meanwhile, Kazuichi happily obliged.

Chisa came back into the classroom to find Sonia lounging out in her chair withboth Kazuichi and Gundham tending to massaging her legs and ankles,competitively as they were each trying to impress the Princess. She had otherstudents bringing her tea and had self-proclaimed herself as the new leader oftheir class.

That’s not something she can just get away with so she had to be put in herplace, sent to detention at the end of the day. Sonia wasn’t going to gowillingly, though.

A bit air-headed, she blinks at Chisa, perplexed. “Youcan’t send me to detention, I am a Princess!” That really didn’t help her caseat all.

Nekomaru Nidai

He takes his talent a bit too seriously, even turningtowards his own friends to try to get them in the best shape possible. 

Nekomaru has good motives behind this but he doesn’t necessarily know when tostop. 

Jin and the other staff members were taking a relaxing stroll around campuswhen they stumble across the Team Manager huddled over a group of scrawnyReserve Course boys. 

“You have to pick it up!” Lightning was emerging from his eyes as he screams atthe boys, coming across as more bossy and threatening than motivating. “You’llnever get to be as strong as I am like that! Come on!”

The adults approach him and put an end to his… motivating ‘group exercise.’ Heinsisted that the boys came to him for help, knowing he was the Ultimate Team Manager. 

But the three small boys were now collapsed, passed out from exhaustion on thegrass. They can’t really have their students destroying one another.

Nekomaru may have wanted to help but pushed them entirely too far. As he wastrying to explain himself, his ‘urges’ suddenly came over him and he succumbedto the pressure.

He tells them he had to go, but Jin forces the Ultimate to stay right there.This caused Nekomaru to snap at the older man.

“Move or else! I have to shit!” He basically shoves him out of the way as hesprints for the nearest bathroom. Needless to say, the adults didn’t appreciatehim shoving his own Headmaster to the ground like that, almost injuring the man.

The two situations combined landed Nekomaru in detention for about a week.

Mahiru Koizumi

Mahiru wouldn’t even do anything that bad, she would justget caught in the middle or end up getting blamed for something out of hercontrol.

After all, the last thing she wants to do is jeopardize her placement in Hope’sPeak Academy. 

But even she isn’t immune to the pranks from fellow students. Her friendshipwith Sato puts her in danger of being targeted by one of the jealous and immature students in the Reserves Course. 

Some of the boys in Sato’s class sneak in fake nude photographs while neitherof the girls are looking. Mahiru leaves and goes about her merry way for therest of the day.

While leaving her class that afternoon, she stumbles over her ankle and dropsher bag onto the floor; her books, camera, and photos come tumbling out withit.

Of course, so do the fake ones that were slipped into her bag.

Chisa is helping her collect her items when she notices the fake photographs.They were ‘depictions’ of not only Mahiru herself but also some of the boys inher class.

“What is the meaning of this?” She holds them up to the freckled-facephotographer’s gaze and Mahiru’s expression twists into a confused and angrylook.

She is stuttering and snatches them from her hand, examining them for herself.“These weren’t here this morning! Y-you have to believe me, this isn’t mine!”

“Is this you?” She questions and Mahiru is bright red, a complete mess.Although she was telling the truth and truly didn’t know where they came from,Chisa wasn’t buying it.

She got sent to the Office with the incriminating photos in hand and ultimatelyfaced detention for the first time in her life.

Teruteru Hanamura

Anyone that knows this boy knows that it’s pretty hard forhim to keep it in his pants. Teruteru is a very flirty and adventures person with very little shame. It’s hard toembarrass him and when it comes to attractive people, especially women, he’sgot little to no filter.

He’d land himself in detention by flirting with the wrong person at the wrongtime.

Teruteru is walking down the hall one morning when he spots a new face, someonehe’s never seen before. 

Granted, he should have assumed she was a teacher of some sort based on the wayshe was standing outside her class as students filed in. 

But in that moment, he probably didn’t really care. That, or he was too blindedby love to notice.

She looked to be fairly young, and beautiful. Trust me, he would know if he’sseen her before.

Confidently, Teruteru waltzed up to her with a cocky grin plastered on hisface. “Hello, miss, my name is Teruteru Hanamura, Ultimate Cook… but I preferUltimate Chef,” he takes her hand in his and kisses the top, “we can cook upsomething hot between us… if you know what I mean.”

The young woman is a bit uncomfortable and draws her hand back slightly, kindlyasking him to turn away. “But miss, I believe in soulmates and I think you’remaking a big mistake by turning me down.”

She is growing increasingly frustrated and loses her cool, snapping and tellinghim to leave her alone in the kindest way possible. 

Obviously, he doesn’t get the hint. “I love a woman who can command me around.” 

With that last comment and over-exaggerated wink, she’s had enough, finallyrevealing her Substitute Teacher ID and claiming that she’s turning him in.

Teruteru’s stomach turns as he realizes what he’s done. He loves an olderwoman, but he would never have guessed that she was a teacher!

Hiyoko Saionji

I mean, if she doesn’t get detention for bullying thenthat’s a surprise, it’s not only Mikan but other students as well who face herrelentless torture.

Hiyoko was making a series of off-hand and rather rude comments directedtowards one of the other female students. 

Once she was finally approached, she gave the teacher a very sinister look andtold her to leave her alone, or else she’d squish them like a bug. 

Her threat was meant to be taken as light banter and simply part of herpersonality but it didn’t really land. Hiyoko was now arguing with the teacherand sent to the Office. 

The girl was already in a bad mood and having to talk to the Headmaster wasn’t helping.“So, I hear that you’ve been bullying fellow students?”

“I’m not bullying them if the bitch deserved it!” Hiyoko huffs with her armscrossed defensively over her chest. She’s jutting her jaw and staring at thewall angrily. 

Her behavior was certainly not the best and Jin began to scribble somethingdown onto her report. He started to say that she was going to be sent to detention for the day so he could sort out the situation with the otherstudents in question.

In a blind, heated moment, Hiyoko defensively stood. She truly felt like shehadn’t done anything wrong and was even nastier today than normal. So withoutthinking, she wrapped her small hands around the desk lamp and forcefully threwit onto the ground where it shattered.

As the bulb flickered, she exclaimed, “Lighten up!” Her pun didn’t sway Jinover, but instead only made the situation worse as he extended her sentence.

Byakuya Twogami (Imposter)

He’s a bit of a wildcard and an Ultimate for a reason. He’snot really afraid to take someone’s identity if it benefits him in any sort ofway. 

There was an upcoming Exam that he simply didn’t feel prepared for at all. But…he’s an Imposter so there could be some solution, right?

He decided to use his talent for his own gain and sneak into the Teacher’sLounge the morning before the Exam to swipe the answers. He knew that Chisacarried around a briefcase with all of her papers in it as well so he just needed to find her and he’s golden.

He steals none other than Kyosuke Munakata’s identity and slips happily intothe forbidden room. He bumps into Chisa on his way, knowing she’ll trust good ol’ Munakata!

“Oh, hello Munakata! How are you?” He fumbles with an excuse, choking out somelazy conversation. He then asks her if he can see her papers momentarily, andshe happily hands them over without second guessing the situation.

His plan was foolproof until the actual Kyosuke Munakata waltzes into theLounge and sees the Imposter sitting beside Chisa on the love-seat. His jaw drops and the Imposter doesn’t even notice the man standing in the doorway at first.

Her eyebrows furrow momentarily as she looks at the two Munakata’s before herand then puts the pieces together. The real one snatches the Imposter by hiscollar and demands that he explains himself.

After his cover got blown, he was sent to detention where to took the Exam witha proctor watching over his shoulder.

Akane Owari

She has a very strange schedule, essentially trainingwhenever she feels like it. This means that Akane often misses class to rampagearound the campus.

She had been pushing herself harder on this morning in particular, climbing the gatesbefore they opened and arriving at Hope’s Peak bright and early on purpose.

If illegal trespassing wasn’t enough, she missed almost an entire day of class. Herteacher found her climbing one of the buildings and insisted that she came downfrom there immediately.

Akane didn’t see the big deal, coming to class wasn’t mandatory for Ultimatesas long as they passed their Exams and she felt fine!

That wasn’t the issue, though: it was breaking into the school to train beforeclass even started that caused issues to arise.

As Akane jumped from the building, one of her buttons came undone.

She made a perfect landing, her legs hadn’t even wobbled despite the heightthat she jumped from. But… she was a bit ‘exposed’ to say the least.

Akane stood before her classmates and teacher, bra and nearly whole chestexposed. She stood there, proudly with a wide grin on her face. “Did ya seethat?!” 

Oh, they definitely did.

Once she finally noticed what they were staring at, she didn’t even bother tocover herself. “Oh well, school’s over anyway! Might as well enjoy the view!” Just because she’s in-tune with her sexuality doesn’t mean she’s allowed toflaunt it.

She got sent to a week’s-worth of detention for trespassing and nude exposure, complaining the whole time since it took time away from her training.

- Mod Rantaro

[hexwritesfanfics]

First Date, Revisited

Fandom: Tokyo Ghoul

Pairing: Kaneki x OC

There she was, standing in front of the convenience store. The loveliest thing Kaneki had ever laid eyes on ever since he became a half-ghoul.

The pink fabric of her dress accented the red irises that had often caught his eye, while the very garment itself fit his date nicely. Light brown strands fell past her waist, a few locks over her shoulder with a picturesque gracefulness. If Kaneki were a photographer, he'd have likely taken a photo of his date right then of how she looked now and it would be a physical, everlasting memory in his hands.

It was ironic, really. She caught his attention in Anteiku, just as Rize had, but Kaneki sensed that this girl-a human customer-was different from the binge eater ghoul. The aura around the brunette was calming, gentle, enough to pull him in. She entered Anteiku and smiled at everyone as she strode to her preferred table, a stool by the window. Watching her from behind the counter, Kaneki would notice how she would sometimes stare out of the window, the sunlight hitting the strands of her hair just right to make them appear luminous. Other times, she would be reading. During her "reading days", as Kaneki dubbed internally, the girl would be reading something different each time: romance, horror, even comedy.

Kaneki was unsure of the burst of courage that caused him to approach this quiet, radiant girl with the gentle smile and rose red eyes who had finished off her caramel macchiato while reading another novel. Her gaze flickered up to his face when he reached for the empty cup and she smiled.

"That looks like an interesting book," Kaneki found himself saying, the words leaving him easily much to his surprise. Those red eyes widened slightly before she looked down at the pages she was currently on. "It's a little light reading. It's a book on medical science," she replied.

"Medical science this time? I always see you reading something different when you come in."

"Oh, you were watching me?"

Kaneki recoiled slightly, but paused at the sight of the smile on the girl's pale pink lips. She lifted a hand from the pristine page. "I'm Hanami," she said. It took him a moment before Kaneki's hand found hers and he shook it. "I'm Kaneki," he replied.

"It's nice to meet you, Kaneki." Hanami stood up and her hand slipped softly from his as though it were a ribbon sliding between his fingers. She left some change on the table, closing the book and lifting it toward her chest. "Maybe I'll see you again?" she suggested, beaming one more smile before she made her way to the door.

Kaneki had no idea what he was thinking before he realized he was stopping her, boldly, in front of everyone in the café. "Miss Hanami!"

Hanami stopped, turning around to look at him. "Yes?"

"Would you like to go out some time?"

It felt like an eternity before she nodded. "Sure."

And here we are, thought Kaneki, his hands sliding into the pockets of his dark jeans before he approached the waiting Hanami. As if she sensed him, she turned her gaze toward him and smiled that pretty smile. "Hi, Kaneki," she greeted.

Kaneki smiled shyly. "Hi, Hanami. Were you waiting long?"

She shook her head. "No, not at all. Shall we get going then?"

Nodding, Kaneki reached for Hanami's hand, hesitated. Hanami must have noticed; the next minute, her fingers wrapped around his. Heat rushed to Kaneki's cheeks as he led the way, averting his eyes.

"Have you ever been on a date before, Kaneki?" Hanami's voice drew Kaneki's attention toward her. The heat burned hotter in his cheeks before he stared at the ground. "I did once. It was, um, my first date," he stammered. "W-What about you?"

A soft giggle left Hanami's lips. "This would be my first date," she answered, without a hint of embarrassment.

"I'm surprised."

"Why?"

"A pretty girl like you...you probably had lots of guys asking you out."

When Kaneki managed to turn his eyes toward Hanami, he was happily surprised at the soft shade of pink dusting her cheeks. Another laugh, much softer, left her. "Well, let's say that they weren't interesting to me to consider saying yes."

"And I was?" asked Kaneki curiously, aware of the sudden warmth in his chest.

Hanami smiled. "You are."

It was a strange sort of pleasure; not high-flying to where someone would be walking on clouds. This pleasure permeated softly through Kaneki, much like drinking a cup of coffee on a cold day. Hanami was a pretty girl-a beautiful girl-that Hide would say she was out of Kaneki's league.

She probably is, was his thought. Hanami could likely snag anyone she wanted and here she was, on a date with him, a half-ghoul unbeknownst to her.

"Where are we going?" asked Hanami brightly, tilting her head in such an innocent way. Kaneki smiled as they wove their way through the crowd. "I thought that a bookstore would be a nice place to start," he answered.

It was almost strange; the bookstore was exactly where Kaneki took Rize for their date, before his life changed forever. Visiting it now, with someone else, felt like he was trying to rewrite that memory. Yet Hanami didn't object; in fact, she seemed to glow at the idea of going to the bookstore, her hand squeezing his gently.

It was like a homing signal guiding Kaneki toward the bookstore. As soon as they entered, Hanami's hand relinquished his own. The aura around her was calm as she moved toward a stack of novels to the side, the ends of her long hair fluttering behind. Kaneki followed her as Hanami lingered over the horror novels. She lifted a few of the books, looking over the brief summaries. Kaneki noted a few of the books Hanami held in her arm. "Have you read Takatsuki's novels before, Hanami?" he asked.

"Oh." Hanami looked at the few novels written by Takatsuki in her arms, locks of her light brown hair falling over her shoulder. "I've read a few of her novels when I can. Is she a favorite of yours?" she asked with a soft smile.

Kaneki couldn't help but return it with a shy one of his own. "Am I that easy to figure out?"

Hanami giggled. "You do wear your heart on your sleeve, Kaneki."

My heart on my sleeve? Kaneki's eyes widened. Had Hanami been observing him, watching his behavior the same way Rize had? He thought he had been more careful about that sort of thing in misplacing his trust after what he had been through.

But Hanami is human. She isn't like Rize. Hanami was different. Kaneki could sense that much. However, a surge of guilt bloomed deep within Kaneki's chest. Hanami had no idea that he was a half-ghoul. If she were to find out by being in danger because of him, she wouldn't ever want to see him again-or worse, not living to tell the tale.

This was a bad idea. What on earth was he thinking?

"Kaneki?" Hanami's hand rested on his shoulder, drawing his attention to the concern glimmering in her eyes. Whatever she saw in the depths of his own eyes cemented something in hers; Hanami put the books in her arms back into their proper places before she gently took hold of Kaneki's hand to pull him out of the bookstore.

Once they were outside with the night air hitting them, Kaneki allowed Hanami to pull him as far as the alley where he life changed irrevocably before he stopped, feeling the tug on his hand before Hanami didn't move another step and dropped his hand. She turned around to look at him, her eyes curious. "What's wrong?" she asked softly, twining her fingers together in front of her. "You looked like you were remembering something very unpleasant and I...I didn't..."

"I-It wasn't your fault!" Kaneki blurted out, his cheeks burning with embarrassment and shame. "I-I just...I should have..." He faltered, unsure of what to say for himself. He wasn't supposed to tell anyone of what he was, and now, out on a date with a girl that could read him just as easily as she read her books. He swallowed thickly, trying to will his embarrassment away but to no avail.

Soft hands took hold of his own and the chaos inside of Kaneki halted. Grey eyes clashed with rose red and there was a gentleness in Hanami's eyes that sent a wave of calm through Kaneki. His fingers curled loosely around her hands as Hanami kept her gaze on him. "Kaneki, it's okay. Just tell me what's on your mind," she told him soothingly, her thumbs gently rubbing against the back of his hands.

Could he fully trust her? Could he reveal what he really is and she wouldn't run screaming for the Doves? Kaneki didn't know, wasn't sure how the scenario would play out. Hanami was giving him an opening; he was going to have to bold to take it.

Kaneki took in a deep breath in attempt to calm his nerves as he glanced around to see if they were alone even though it was just as isolated as the last time he was in this alley, the words tumbling from his lips before he could even find a chance to chicken out. "Hanami, I...you deserve to know the truth about me."

Hanami nodded. "Okay."

"Remember when you asked me if this was my first date?"

"Yes."

"Well." Kaneki averted his eyes. "My first date was a little bit like you. She liked to read. On our date, we went to the bookstore and went to eat. What I didn't know was that she was...she was a ghoul."

"A...ghoul?" Hanami whispered and Kaneki forced his eyes back to her. She swallowed, the concern in her eyes becoming brighter. "Kaneki, did she hurt you?"

She wanted to know, Kaneki could see it in her eyes. "There was an accident. Her organs were transplanted into me."

Hanami's eyes wavered, her expression screaming with pity that it twisted Kaneki's stomach. It was strange, but he didn't want that pretty face to be twisted with such a negative emotion. "Hanami--"

Her name barely escaped his lips when she squeezed his hands. Her expression was different now, tender and kind, that Kaneki's heart skipped a beat. "Thank you for telling me," replied Hanami.

Silence hung between them that Kaneki was sure his pounding heart would be heard before a soft smile graced his lips, the warmth of relief spreading inside of him as his trek down memory lane brought to mind what Hide had told him when Kaneki first asked out Rize. "You know, I always thought most people would find my bookstore date idea lame," he said softly, despite that they both had left the store without buying anything. "Thanks for having fun with me...or at least, being really talented at acting."

Hanami shook her head, returning his smile. "I'm a terrible actress, Kaneki, of that I can assure you. I should be thanking you, for asking me out on this date."

A laugh escaped the dark-haired half-breed as Hanami's hands left his shoulder, a giggle bubbling forth from her lips. When the laughter subsided, Kaneki found his entire body relaxed. His hand reached for Hanami's, boldly, twining their fingers. "The last time I tried anything like this, well, it didn't really work out. So, thank you," he said.

"How many times are you going to say that, silly?" asked Hanami, crimson irises twinkling in amusement.

"Probably all night if you let me get away with it.

"Silly!"

When another, exuberant laugh left Hanami, Kaneki felt warmth deep inside. I want to hear her laugh more, he thought, watching as Hanami calmed down from calling him silly. Dare he hope that it was used as a pet name already?

"This might not make a lot of sense," murmured Kaneki, squeezing Hanami's hand gently, "but, I needed this. I needed to know that maybe if things were different, I could've...been happy."

The sentiment brought forth a feeling of sorrow that Kaneki kept inside. His life had changed since he encountered Rize, seemingly for the worst. It was a turmoil of unhappiness and a rather abrupt change of view about the ghouls he had come to know, a family of sorts that he wouldn't part with now. Yet he still wondered, always wondered if maybe, if things were different...

When Hanami didn't reply, Kaneki looked at her carefully, at the wonder in her eyes. Heat rushed to his cheeks again. "Uh, sorry! I don't mean to be weird!" he blurted.

"I don't think it's weird at all," replied Hanami, rather graciously unless Kaneki was imagining it. He relaxed, finding himself stroking the back of her hand with his thumb like Hanami had done earlier. "I want to thank you for the wonderful date, Hanami. I don't know if I'll be able to do this again, but..." Kaneki paused, hesitating for a moment before he continued his train of thought. "I want to remember tonight. I want to remember you, so..."

"Kaneki." Hanami's voice gave him pause before--

It was instant and Kaneki hadn't expected it to happen quite that suddenly. A soft sound of surprise was muffled when Hanami's lips met his. The shock of the contact had Kaneki release Hanami's hand, yet...

So soft.

It felt like an eternity that he didn't want to end, but when Hanami pulled away, her cheeks were flushed a sweetly pink. Kaneki was sure her heart was racing as fast as his right now. "I-I'm sorry. I...I didn't know what came over me," she stammered, lifting a hand to her flushed cheek. His fingers ached with a maddened longing to touch her.

"O-Oh." The word left Kaneki's throat hoarsely as he lifted a finger to his lips. They felt warm from the kiss and his tongue ghosted along his lower lip, catching the essence of a sweetness on his flesh. His mind reeled as Kaneki found himself in a flustered state. "Be careful, Hanami. Having your taste on my lips could be...dangerous," he murmured lowly, a warning for her.

The energy brimming inside of him was dangerous. It was reckless, exhilarating, and he wanted to kiss her again.

Whatever Hanami saw in his eyes was enough for her to move closer to him, their bodies barely touching and Kaneki, in a fit of boldness, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. The heat between them felt so wonderful that he couldn't seem to get enough. Hanami's hands rested against his chest, her fingers splayed, as she looked up at him. Her rose red eyes darkened into a hazy ruby as she bit onto her lower lip. "Maybe...maybe, I don't mind that," she murmured, tilting her head toward his.

The kiss was slightly clumsy, but smoldering this time that Kaneki vaguely wondered if this form of burning ecstasy was what lovers feel when they steal kisses in public. It felt as though it were a prelude of more to come and he wanted more. He deepened the kiss slightly, hungrily, and pleasure seared him clean when Hanami responded, her fingers gliding up to press against the back of his neck. His own hands roamed, one rising to cradle the back of Hanami's head and the other against the small of her back.

"Kaneki..." Hanami whispered against his lips, sending a tidal wave of chills down his spine. Kaneki curled his fingers against Hanami's back, wanting to keep her there. There was a plea in her saying his name; there was no way he was mistaken. Even in his inexperience, Kaneki read enough to recognize the sound in Hanami's voice: desire.

"Right here?" Kaneki asked curiously, pulling back slightly to look into Hanami's eyes. There was a curiosity burning in them, a hunger that he was positive she shared with him in this very moment. It felt innocent and carnal all at once. "That's a little bit ironic, but...I'm okay with it," he added softly.

"What's ironic?" asked Hanami, just as softly, and Kaneki pressed his body against hers curiously. She moved backwards and, like a magnet, Kaneki followed until Hanami was pressed against the wall. The feeling coursing through him was so strange, so new, but Kaneki couldn't find the strength to resist. He could feel it in the way of how Hanami pulled him closer that she couldn't resist either.

"Wanting to kiss you here, where everything changed for me," he murmured his answer to her question before leaning in to kiss Hanami again and again and again, each kiss deeper and needier than the last. He could forget, even for a moment, about that memory; he could rewrite it, right here, with someone who wanted him just as much as he wanted her without fate being cruel. Let me have this...just let me have this...

Hanami's arms were around his neck now and Kaneki shivered at her matching his fervor, breaking the kiss for a moment, breathing slightly ragged, as he took in Hanami's flushed cheeks, glazed eyes, and swollen lips. He needed more.

She tilted her head slightly, her soft palm against his cheek. "Kaneki?"

He turned his head slightly, his lips brushing against her palm. "You're so cute," he breathed against her flesh. "I could just eat you up..."

Hanami's hand trailed from his face, her fingers brushing against his lips. She leaned close to him, their lips barely centimeters apart. All she murmured were two words, two little words, to push them both into a passion that they could not take back.

"Go ahead."

[rkwendy]

Five Times Around The Sun: A Rookies Fifth Anniversary Special

Dear Rookies,

First of all, I’d like to wish the roleplay a happy fifth birthday! I’m aware that not many roleplays live to make it this far. For you guys to make it, I’ll bet it’s some sort of achievement. And it’s all because of the work both the mods and the members of the community put into this. Let’s give ourselves a round of applause!

I warn you that this is more than 5,500 words long. So yeah. You are free to just skip over this if you wish!

There’s so much I want to say, but I’ve never been great at expressing my feelings. (Fun fact: my mom and I start laughing whenever one of us starts getting cheesy or emotional.) I never even properly celebrated either muse’s anniversaries despite them being in Rookies for more than two years! Forgive me if this gets too long. I promise I’ll do my best to keep this concise (Wow, big word!)

With this knowledge, please bear with me as I struggle to convey all that I want to say without cringing at myself.

I guess it’s safest to start sharing the story of why I opted to join Rookies in the first place. Like majority of what happened to me in terms of KRP, it was a complete accident. I have been in KRP since 2011 (if any of you have heard of ADiS, then… yeah… shifty eyes). I kind of stopped roleplaying because a job with a newspaper was difficult af. (I only went home to shower and eat. I was lucky to be able to sleep, lbr here) Anyway, I needed something to do once I resigned from my old job, and my friends got me back into KRP via a Kingsman-themed one, since they wanted someone to RP Infinite with them. I think some of you know which one it is. /cackles/

MOVING ON. This same friend also planned to join the Rookies and wanted a ship for their muse. We both ended up doing applications, but I was the only one who was able to submit because my friend ended up getting a job. Thus, my friend was never able to join the RP and I got accepted.

A little history time! Please bear with me, this is going to be irrelevant to you but I feel like I need to talk about this. Fun fact I probably never told anyone! Wendy was originally meant to be a Krystal muse. However, I had to make a few adjustments because there was either a Krystal reserve or there was a Krystal muse in the RP. I can’t remember which one it was. The muse was loosely inspired by Berry Good’s Johyun and NCT Dream’s Jaemin, who both used to be competitive speed skaters before they became idols. I changed the sport to figure skating because that is the sport I know best. Wendy was also based on several friends of mine, who were all a bunch of somewhat pretty overachievers. (Going to one of the top universities in the country enables you to meet these people, more on that when I talk about Johnny later on.)

I’m not going to lie, this was the first time I was in a directory that was this HUGE. (Not even ADiS was this huge. Min, please correct me if I’m wrong.) It was easy for me to get overwhelmed by the sheer number of people in the directory, along with concerns that my muse was just going to drown among the many way more interesting muses than what I had to offer.

It would have been easier for me to quit, since the reason I joined was gone. However, Jen ( @yujurk ) turned out to be one of my friends from my Indie RP days! Not going to lie, if it wasn’t for Jen, I doubt I’d have stayed in the roleplay at all. Jen helped ease me into the roleplay in all ways imaginable: by plotting with me, introducing me to muns from the same timezone, and answering any questions in case our good mods weren’t online.

As I was navigating and slowly finding my place in the RP, the third season of the MGAs happened! Not going to lie, I wasn’t sure I was ready for Wendy to be signed, but I thought I might as well do it for the lulz. I know I said this a lot, but the MGAs were probably the among the wildest things I ever put a muse through that I swore that I was never putting another muse through it. Despite that, I’m glad I put Wendy through the experience. It taught her a lot about herself, as well as how far she was willing to push in order to achieve her dreams. At this point, I would like to give a shout-out to Team Nova! Wendy and I can’t imagine having any other teammates besides Jungwoo ( @jungwooxrk ), and the former Luhan ( who is still around as @rksoojung and is still one of Wendy’s loves ), Mijoo, and Soyou (RIP muses). Of course, Wendy owes Ricky ( @rkrxcky ) a lot for leading her to where she is today. Thanks you guys.

After the MGAs, Wendy signed with Nova. I’d like to thank everyone in the Nova family, both past and present, for putting up with this tiny girl who claims to be their future CEO. After two years with the company, Wendy has become (hopefully) an even better vocalist and composer. Sure, her dancing and charisma can use more work — scratch that, a lot more work — but we will get her to a level that’s passable. After all, if she intends to inherit the company someday, she has to do well in the department Nova is known for. I never thought Wendy would last this long as a trainee, but here we are. She could have easily left during Royal Survival, but she didn’t. OOC, the event happened when I was taking TOPIK so RIP. IC, the reason was because she believes in whatever plans Nova has for her (if there are any LMAO). Although she’s having second thoughts now, she’s still determined to see it through. She intends to inherit the company from Hyun Bin, so she has to stay. LOL.

To Minju ( @jinkyungxrk ), thank you for being one of the first to welcome Wendy to the company and making it easy for her to adjust to trainee life. Ani ( @rkmiya ), Wendy and Sunmi have made it! Can you all believe it took Wendy TWO FREAKING YEARS to get comfortable enough with Sunmi to call her unni? And can you all believe it took us around that long to actually plot properly? JFC we are both such snails. Matt ( @rksona ), wherever you are, Wendy will always consider Dawon as one of her Nova best friends. After all, they’re both vocalists who signed pretty close to the same time. To my fellow KRP senior citizen MC/Jae ( @sujirk ) (IDK which you prefer so I’ll use both), it’s nice to know there’s someone close to my age who’s still RP-ing too, despite feeling like that Will Smith meme when finding out how YOUNG some of these children are. And here’s to Wendy and Suji getting to know each other and becoming closer. Maddy ( @rkkaeun )… Where do I even begin? Wendy likes Kaeun a lot and is excited to see how Kaeun will grow, and I feel the same about you too. To Chaeyoung mun ( @rkchaeyoung ) (Honestly, I have no idea how you like to be called, so I shall refer to you as Sowon and Chaeyoung mun for now, I’m so sorry!) and Sunny ( @rkmeiqi ), Chaeyoung and Meiqi are special to Wendy because they are simply the first fellow 98-line girls to join Nova. To Neo ( @rkyngsun ), we have yet to talk a lot and plot more, but I’m grateful that you’re okay with Wendy going all Regina George on your girl. This is going to be a slightly slow burn ship before these vocalists become gay for each other in a way. But I just hope we stick together for this crazy ride. And Nana ( @hyunark ), with Hyuna signed to Nova, Wendy’s even happier than ever, despite feeling some occasional salt at their beloved CEO. Here’s to our girls writing more songs together~

To the boys of Nova, thank you all for being the best boys you can possibly be. To Jess ( @rkhuidong ), thank you having Hui be kind of like a dad/older brother to Wendy. Thank you for assuring her that she did the right thing even if she was punished for it. To Chanel, (OMG this is mention number 2, Chanel!) Ricky is Wendy’s coach and kind of mentor, as well as the fourth-wall reality check. To Lex (you better get used to this. I have a feeling you’ll be mentioned A LOT), our kids have gone through so much, haven’t they? The MGAs, surviving Nova, and a lot more. Wendy cares for Jungwoo a lot, and she hopes they can tough this out together. To Joi ( @bambamrk ), Wendy’s always admired how cool and nice he is. She hopes he’s happy. To Fifi  ( @haknyeonrk ), Circe ( @rkmbin ), and Lulu ( @rksxngyeol ), Wendy would love to get to know your boys all so much better. To Rome ( @rkromeo ), (the now-gone) Jinyoung, and (old) Kihyun, you will always be honorary Nova Boys to Wendy, no matter what.

To Roe ( @rkhugo @rkyooa @suhork ), Wendy wouldn’t let me lump Hugo with all the other boys of Nova. After all, Hugo is special. I’m grateful that Roe entrusted Hugo’s heart in Wendy’s inexperienced hands. I’m honored that Roe actually agreed to have Hugo go through a slow-burn ship, especially when I’m aware that she isn’t the most patient of people when it comes to that. Thank you for putting up with both Wendy’s lack of affection and her inexperience when it comes to relationships, and all the things she fears. Thank you again for putting up with my snail’s pace replies, but I want you to know it’s because I want to give Hugo the replies he deserves. The muse for this ship is alive and kicking, and I intend to keep it that way. Both Wendy and I love you and Hugo so much, Roe. LOL I spent so much time talking about Hugo that I forgot to mention how much both Wendy and Johnny also care about Yooa and Suho, but they do.

Now I’m on the topic of thanks to, I think I should also give a special shout-out to the girls of rkredvelet. Though we don’t talk as often as I’d like, I have to admit you were among the first to plot with me when I was new here. You are all Wendy’s best friends for life.

To Rose ( @rkyeri ): I like seeing you tweet about dancing and your takes on things. I also learn a lot from you! Your comments in the KT groupchat crack me up a lot as well. You’re doing amazing, bb! On a muse perspective, Yeri is one of Wendy’s oldest friends, going back from their days in Canada. Wendy just wants Yeri to know that she’s proud of her for being one step closer to her dreams. She’s also asking when she can start printing the Anna slogan.

To Keith ( @rkjxy ): Hoy, bakla. Other than being a ray of sunshine to both Wendy and me, thank you for everything. Just as Wendy and Joy have fun together anytime, anywhere, I like to think it can become something like that for us both. I love our discussions about local stuff and fandom. May mapapagraduate na ako! /cries proud mom tears/

To Kyle ( @seulgirk ): One of the true MVPs of my life. Just as I honestly have no idea where Wendy would be without Seulgi, I don’t want to imagine what would have happened to me if you hadn’t helped me out all those times. Seulgi is practically Wendy’s person. (LBR, if Hugo had to be threatened by anyone, it’s Seulgi.) I also enjoy commiserating over watching winter sports at godforsaken timeslots (one of these days, I’ll understand hockey enough), as well as listening to to you/reading your tweets discussing your muses/muse ideas. And those puns of yours give me so much life.  

Anyway, next up, I’d like to give a shoutout to rkbrosquad!!!! Honestly, having you guys made life a lot more colorful for me, as well as both my muses. I’m not going to lie, this is probably one of the first group chats I was ever in, in terms of KRP. It’s like my muses gained a new family with this insane, but loving bunch. I also like how this chat can also turn into a meme dumpsite, a spazz area, and a tea corner if we need it. Here’s to more adventures with our muses and if distance isn’t an issue, I bet we’d all look for chances to meet.

To Jen, you are one of the reasons we have a squad in the first place. Without you, I bet I wouldn’t have stayed after the first week. Having a familiar face who’s been with the RP for a long time helped me get settled much more easily. It was your helpful self that inspired me to pay it forward for the future muns who’d enter the RP. So if anyone’s grateful that I was friendly to them, please direct your compliments to Jen for setting a good example! Other than that, you and your muses changed my muses’ lives completely. Shoutout goes to her mentor Jieun and one of her closest friends Soyeon.

To Lyn ( @rkavery @rkxsnn ), hoy mumsh. It’s refreshing to able to talk to more people in the same language. Not to mention, your muses always got up to the wildest antics that had both my muses and me laughing. I’m cheering for you both in rp and in real life. Alam mo ‘yan. And muse-wise, thanks for letting your former boy be the James Potter to Johnny’s Sirius Black (or vice versa). Johnny and I will miss your boy loads, but we also welcome your new girls with open arms. And also thanks for shipping with Wendy at some point, even if she ended up broken. (ULOL ang drama!)

To Shinobi ( @rkgray @rkkangjoon ): You are legitimately one of the sweetest people I have ever had the fortune to meet. You’re nice to everyone, get along well with people, and have the most awesome characters ever. Your ideas are just A+++. Gray will also always be the reason Wendy’s standards for men are so high, since in her eyes, Gray is perfect. (Gray will get Johnny’s love in the KT Boyz segment) Meanwhile, Kangjoon will be that handsome brother Wendy will be protective about because she thinks he deserves the best. Johnny will always thank Kangjoon for accidentally smacking him in the butt, which lead him to the best squad ever. #NEVERFORGET

To Nana: OMG! This is your second mention. All those posts of Hyuna and LE to send the group chat into a gay panic are more than welcome. It’s always fun plotting with you and your muses, no matter which one it is. Wendy is proud of Jihoon ( @jihoonrk ) in Convex, as well as looking for a chance to release some hilarious pre-debut shit. As for Hyuna, we all know how much Wendy admires Hyuna and loves her a lot. Here’s to hopefully getting to plot with Younghyun sooner or later!

To Maddy ( @aronrk ): Yes, this is your second mention too. Wendy and Aron have yet to thread together, yeah? LOL. Anyway, Wendy obviously cares a lot about Aron, Kaeun, and Nayoung. And I think it carries over to me caring a lot about you. It’s cool to talk to someone who works in the same industry as I do (rather as I used to) and have the same interests. Bonus points for living in the same timezone! (Aron will get Johnny’s love in the KT Boyz segment)

To Sammi ( @rkxminhee ): You are also one of the nicest people I have ever met. I love learning about girl groups from you, since I’m generally clueless about the ones outside of the Big Three or aren’t as well-known. I’m not going to lie, everytime I see Minhee, I think of you. I remember seeing Minhee post that she was in my country, and the first thing I thought was, “DOES SAMMI KNOW MINHEE IS IN MY COUNTRY?!”

To Em ( @borark ): You’re doing an amazing job as a momma to a cutie pie! Anyway, Bora is one of the coolest girls Wendy has ever known, just as I think you are one of my faves. We need a proper thread ASAP when we’re both not busy T_T

Bet y’all thought that was done, right? Nope. We still have a long way to go. Trust me, if you’re getting tired reading this, I’m even more exhausted writing it. We’ll all just have to deal with it. RIP @ us.

Back in 2016, NCT U, NCT 127, and NCT Dream had debuted. Back then, I was aware that Johnny, the SM Rookie who trained with SM the longest had yet to debut. So as a joke, I thought to myself, I’ll debut him before SM does. He came in a month after Wendy got signed at the MGAs. I figured I could handle two muses so LOL. He started as an NPC friend for Wendy who had a crush on Seulgi, and then I thought I could bring him in.

The first time I knew it was time for Johnny to graduate from NPC to actual muse was when I was watching a local drama called “On the Wings of Love.” One of the characters was a spoken-word artist, and I felt like it was something that suited the Johnny muse I had. I also wanted to bring in a muse who can speak Filipino, so I had an excuse to say PUTANGINA on the dash, as well as spread OPM to Rookies.

From there, Johnny just started becoming more real to me as a muse. Johnny was also based on several college friends of mine, who were all a bunch of insanely intelligent and talented people. He was inspired by a classmate who was actually a MYX VJ (local music TV channel) who was also taking up a pre-med degree. Johnny was also inspired by the guy who became our class valedictorian: a dork who was smart AF and could sing, dance, act, write songs, and was part of the debate team with me. One of my closest friends who I miss a lot was gifted with a superior IQ and an almost flawless memory, and she was also a CF model. All these people inspired me to bring Johnny to life.

Honestly, Johnny brought on a new series of challenges that I never thought was possible. I was less awkward when I brought him in, since I was already somewhat at ease with the community. The challenge was to make him want to be an idol. But somehow, fate let things happen and loh and behold!

From not wanting anything to do with the entertainment industry, Johnny finds himself immersed in it all. He would like to thank the former Jungkook muse (who might make a return as a different FC hint hint) for forging his application for that Samsung modeling casting. That started his interest and curiosity for modeling. However, he got his feet wet only when his teacher told him to go for it. But still, that forgery got him a start.

Then, the life-changing talent show happened. Johnny owes Hugo a huge-ass thank you for signing up him for that Hongdae talent show. He is now proud to be a KT (KermiT) Boy. I still have no clue how Johnny wants to develop from being a genius turned model to becoming the artist he can be. But I guess that’s what we will all have to anticipate.

I hadn’t planned for Johnny to fall in love. In fact, I was planning to make him an asexual hermit. Sure, he’s had crushes on Seulgi and Lisa, but he never dreamed those could amount to anything. He was supposed to be forever alone. (To Roe, that time Yukji tried flirting with Johnny will always be one of the most iconic moments.) However, Ten happened! Yay! Nine asked to plot so nicely, and I figured why the hell not? Okay, fun fact, the reason I planned for Johnny to be a hermit was because I was too scared to be called out for face-chasing. I’m relieved that Nine reached out first. And now they’re the cutest boyfriends. Again, I would like to apologize for my snail’s pace when it comes to replies. I will talk a little more about this later on. I promise.

Another reason Johnny has stayed alive for so long was because of all the friends he’s made over the time we’ve been in this RP. Honestly, every single one of these friends have made Johnny’s life more exciting, more colorful, and have taken him in directions he never would have considered if left to his own devices. I guess the long-ass thank you messages are now in order.

To rknctea:

To Nine ( @tenrk ): You go first simply because Johnny asked me to. Besides, I want to thank you and Ten for making Johnny believe that he’s capable of love and sexual feelings. Ten makes Johnny want to be the right person for Ten, and to be a better boyfriend. I don’t know whether I ever mentioned this, but Johnny sees Ten in his future. OOC-wise, I’m thankful that you brought us NCT typists together in the group chat. Not to mention, you make me laugh with all the stuff you link in there. In our DMs, I love how we both get soft together over JohnTen. Whether it’s plots for our boys or IRL JohnTen doing stuff, it’s always great sharing the feels with you.

To Yurim ( @rktaeil ): To one of the people I’ve known longest in RK (outside the brosquad), my experience in Rookies wouldn’t be the same without you. I’m glad you brought in Taeil. Although I reply at a glacial pace now, I’m excited to see what happens to Taeil. I still find it hilarious that you declared your NCT bias will be whose calling card you’ll draw. Anyway, the reason your barrel man has yet to come to you is because I will personally bring it to you when I fly there next year. If you have any other requests, please let me know anytime before I fly. (I will let you know when we’re arriving so we can meet.)

To Hunnie ( @yutark ): We have been through a lot during the time we’ve known each other. You point out things I don’t notice otherwise and work way harder than I do, just as Yuta shows Johnny perspectives that are immensely different from his own. I struggle coming up with ways to ruin my muses’ lives and to just write in general. I don’t know how you do it so religiously and so diligently on top of schoolwork. We also spazz over a lot of different fandoms together, and I’m happy that you’re a lot happier now. Also, welcome to the UAAP life. I’m glad you decided to watch basketball with me and that you’re somehow rekindling your love for the game. Game Two, here we come!

To Min ( @rkjaemin ): You would have gone first but Johnny insisted otherwise. Buwisit siya. We have been together since 2011 and I hope this doesn’t change at all. You knew me from when I was a total noob to the RP world, and have been one of those who saw my writing improve or deteriorate over the years. You are one of the loveliest people I’ve ever met IC or OOC. I’m happy you joined this madhouse called Rookies with me, and I hope this is good healing for you from work. I love you and can we please have dinner with the rest of the girls soon? Just as I will always be rooting for you and will be available to help, please tell your evil spawn of a muse that Johnny’s willing to help him too. Same goes for Wendy and Somi.

To Peach ( @rkhaechan ): When I first told Min to join Rookies, I never thought you two would find each other. But I’m glad you did. You make my girl so happy, and with that, I’m happy too. I will go down with the S.S. PeachMin. I better be invited to that wedding. Anyway, Johnny loves Haechan a lot, especially because he makes evil spawn Jaemin so happy. Haechie may be my new fave of your muses, but Soyou will always be special to me. After all, Wendy wouldn’t have lasted in the MGAs without your girl going all soccer mom on the whole team. Wendy hopes that Jihyun unni is proud of her.

To Jen ( @rkmxrk ): You are honestly one of the most fun people I have ever talked to. We can talk about fandom, winter sports, and just about how our days went. It doesn’t really matter. Long live KKT calls. Not to mention, long live being a professional enabler who convinces the rest of us to spend our hard-earned money on our faves. LMAO. One thing I also learned from you, is to be careful of what I say because you’ll have RECEIPTS. Just as Johnny looks after Mark and wishes for him to succeed, I wish the same for you. And Johnny’s proud that Mark’s finally getting what he’s been trying to say for the last few months.

To Fifi ( @jaehyunrk ), Dayo ( @rkxsicheng ) , Phil ( @rkdoyoung ), Grey ( @rkjeno ), Adri ( @rktaeyxng ): although we don’t talk as much, I’m still thankful that you’re all here. I’d like for us to get to know each other even better, even if I’m either a shy hermit, a lazy egg, or just awake when you’re asleep. But you all bring lots of laughter to the group chat, and I’d like for Johnny to plot with your boys too. (Or in Fifi’s case, Get Johnny and Jaehyun a new thread challenge)

To Lex: Damn it, Lex. I’ve lost track how many times I’ve mentioned you. I hope you’re enjoying your stay in the rknctea group chat. And I hope that somehow, Johnny and Jungwoo find their ways to each other.

To the KT Ent muses and muns:

To Carly ( @taeminrk ) : I was really planning to save this for later when I got to my thank you mods part, but I thought oh well. Anyway, I want to thank you for being one of the best mods to help me get settled when I was new here. As well as answering any questions I had, no matter how stupid they were. I’m glad I got over the initial intimidation of “OMG MOD!” to someone I can actually have fun talking to. I just hope Johnny eventually gets over that “OMG SUNBAE!” vibe Taemin gives out. Johnny always saw Taemin as the senior he has to impress and not disappoint. Trust me, Johnny’s trying but he feels like he’ll never be good enough for Taemin’s standards. LMAO

To Maddy: Johnny always thought of Aron as one of the coolest, happiest, and most talented people he’s ever met. Aron radiates sunshine in Johnny’s opinion, and he wonders how someone can be so bright all the time. Yes, Aron has permission to climb Johnny like a tree and Johnny will enjoy it.

To Shinobi: Johnny will always say Gray is his idol. Hands down. He can give Jongdae a run for his money. He will also go down with the old man ship of Gray and Huidong.

To Lulu ( @minhyukxrk ): Johnny’s rooting for his fellow twin tower and he hopes that Minhyuk will one day be the rich, talented billionaire he knows Minhyuk can be. Tall people unite despite this short revolution!

To Yurim ( @rkxkjd ): If Taemin is the strict dad, then Jongdae is the cool dad Johnny wants to be like when he grows up. After all, Jongdae is probably the muse who’s known Johnny the longest. These two go way back and are both nerds.

To Lex ( @rksungho ): Oh man, I gave up counting how many mentions you got. This is probably going to be the last. Sungho and Johnny are different as they can be, despite a somewhat similar skillset. Not going to lie, Johnny wants to get along with him, despite Sungho just being so angry at everything.

To Cherry ( @rkjimin ): We don’t get to talk as often as I’d like, but I’d like for that to change as soon as we’re both not busy. Jimin is a lovely muse, and Johnny looks forward to getting to know him better in the future~

To Hunnie ( @rksunwoo ): Sunwoo is special to Johnny, because they joined KT at around the same time. There has to be something to be said about two strangers who started a journey at the same time. Johnny wishes he was as talented and talented as Sunwoo. I like to think that Johnny and Sunwoo have a unique bond that only the two of them can understand.

To Shino ( @rkjinjin ): Johnny and Jinwoo, aka big guy and small fry. Just kidding. Though for real, Johnny is always impressed with Jinwoo’s talent and is grateful to learn so much from him. As for you Shino, having you around is lots of fun. I have learned not to say any silly stuff in the group chat unless I wish to be exposed. (Never forget: VORE TAEMIN)

To Hyunjin mun (T_T IDK How you want to be addressed) ( @rkxhyunjin ): You are the only KT Boy Johnny has no thread with. I’d love for us to change that ASAP. Please?

To the females at KT, Johnny loves and respects you a lot. He’d love to get closer with you all. For now, he declares Haseul ( @haseulrk ) and Jennie ( @rkjennie ) as his faves, because he’s closest to them. Johnny never thought he’d be a step-parent to a dog, but Ahyoung  ( @rkxblue ) somehow got him to do it, so she’s special too. He also sees Minji ( @rkariel ) as the older sister you don’t want to disappoint, while Yeri is the younger sister he finds hilarious. He’d also love to get to know Audrey, ( @rkaudrey ), Momo ( @rkxmomo ), Luda ( @rkxluda ), and Chungha ( @rkchungha ) better!

To Carly and Keith, and by some extension, Kate, Johnny has come to see Luna ( @rkluna ) and Jisoo ( @rkjisoo ) (and Eve ( @rkxeve,) by extension) as his lesbian moms. He low-key blames and credits them for being why he is the way he is today. You don’t get raised by two extremely opposite but equally bad-ass women and not be some mix of weird. He doesn’t get to talk to his moms so much, but he wants them to know he loves them a lot.

I can’t leave this without yelling at Lari! Baekhyun ( @rkbyunbaek ) is the best host brother Johnny could ever ask for. Both of us can’t imagine this boy living with anyone else but Baekhyun’s family. Johnny feels bad that they hardly ever see each other anymore, but that doesn’t change how much he loves Baekhyun. Johnny is actually going to be upset when he’ll have to move out of the Byun residence because he’s going to miss this host family a lot.

I’d also like to thank people I have yet to properly thread with (or seldom get to thread with) but talk to frequently OOC, especially on Twitter. There’s way too many of you to be tagged, but you know who you all are. I love how we can talk about anything, ranging from K-Pop to local showbiz, to current events, and more random topics.

Finally, I’d like to thank the mods, each one, having helped me in some shape or form. Kyle, Keith, and Carly, you all got long-ass love letters from me, so I won’t bother repeating myself anymore. To Sera, you truly are hard carry AF. Thank you noticing my hiatus messages and just being there in general. I’ve always told people you are great, and I’m glad my faith isn’t misplaced at all. To Bianca, thank you for answering my stupid AF questions during events. Because I swear even I would roll my eyes at myself for some of the things I ask sometimes. To Mira, you were one of the mods who welcomed me back when I was new. So I’d like to thank you for that. Wendy misses one of her mean girl friends~ To Razel, those graphics are A++++ Here’s to more talking about PH showbiz, food, and to us finally having a proper thread!

I bet I forgot so many people, but this is about how much I can write. Fun fact! I started writing this post at around 11:30am, and I finished writing this at around 6pm. If you made it this far, congratulations!

I’ll spare you all from my rambling, and I’ll just end it here.

My muses and I are cheering for everyone and their muses in their endeavors, whether IC or OOC. I would also like to apologize for the times I have offended you, whether I was aware of it or not. (I’m sure I’ve apologized if I was aware of it, but yeah.) I’m trying to be a better person than I was the day before. I don’t know what the future holds, but I’ll do my best to be a better mun to both Wendy and Johnny, as well as be a better member of this community.

With all my love,

Clara (rkwendy and rkjohnny)

[sparda3g]

Gintama Chapter 689 Review

Before going into this chapter, I thought it was safe to assume that it’s going to be another hilarious chapter with a few nice scenes here and there. To my surprise, the comedy and serious tone ratio has been altered. Therefore, we got ourselves a really captivating chapter with funny and drastic scenes. The time to throw down and get serious is coming, and yet, I’m not ready.

After what happened last time, there’s no way you can skipped the comedy. By that, I mean the false or “wrong” fan service moment with Granny Kagura. Usually, Gintama recaps the last moment of a segment; reminding fans where they left off. In this case, it’s necessary for a comedy skit that had me rolling.

The theme is how Shinpachi has become a player; at least according to Gintoki’s observation. What’s hysterical is how he believes Shinpachi has risen to the level surpassing Gin-san. I heard of a student surpassing the master, but this is downright ridiculous. But that opinion is shattered when naked Granny Kagura appeared. As expected, she doesn’t know Gintoki is there. The funny part is he doesn’t know that’s Kagura. So it begins a train of hilarity.

What stunned him really is not just because he saw a naked granny, though my eyes would dried out, but because Shinpachi has gone way above Gin-san, aiming for Ginsan and Kinsan tier. This joke is hilariously clever if you know those twins’ background, who were over 100 years old, and how the name with suffix became a full name. I was laughing so much to see Shinpachi skiing through space; a hilarious callback to one of my favorite reactions. The puns about elders are also funny.

Things got very awkward when Little Kagura comes out of the shower, wondering if Shinpachi is home. I died from laughing when he thought this is the final chapter with Shinpachi, for whatever reason, skiing through space with law enforcements arresting him. That’s the most tragic ending ever. I can’t stop laughing at how self-aware Gintoki is about the final arc going on for a while and wondering when is it going to end. I know it has to end one day, but good God, don’t end controversial. That’s one way to kill your manga.

I can credit Gintoki for looking after Shinpachi’s safety, even if everything is misunderstanding. It becomes tensed when Kagura can’t find her underwear, but he’s blocking doors to avoid contact. What could possibly go wrong? How about breaking through doors with her bare arms. How terrifying that must have been for him. Rejoice, fans. You got your actual demanded fan service more or less. I’ll say this much; she’s another victim of longer hair equal prettier. I need to take a break from manga…

So yeah, Kagura is about to bash his head, but still doesn’t know that it’s Gintoki. However, he now knows that it’s Kagura, so at least he cleared out his mistake. Unless he thinks Shinpachi went “there.” This sounds like some Batman and Batgirl twisted fantasy. Anyway, he luckily escapes, though a bit bummed that another reunion is stalled for another time. That is until Kagura notices the hair belongs to her precious father-figure, Gin-chan. The run and hide charade is nearly over.

After one wacky reunion, we finally got to see what’s up with Katsura and Takasugi. Takasugi took the opportunity of another enemy warfare occurring outside and snuck inside to meet with Katsura. That was nice to learn how he did it, especially when you consider that he has no army anymore. That said I’m a bit surprised that he went all the way there to kill him. I know Katsura is Zurump, which is understandable for him to be targeted, but think of the friendship.

I can’t help but laugh at the scene where Elizabeth is standing atop of the chandelier. It looks so funny to me. But of course, Gintama has its own way to present a cool moment out of a funny sight. I honestly thought there will be a battle between him and Takasugi; that would be a money-making match. But instead, Elizabeth takes a snapshot and then, we ensue the true way to shape the future: Twitter! The reference to Trump is genius.

Never would I thought to see a comedy skit with Katsura and Takasugi, but after what happened earlier with Gintoki, anything is possible now. It’s so funny that he has tweeted many times with random nonsense or casually downplay the assassination attempts. This is too close to home. What makes it funnier is Takasugi was practically forced to play the straight man, but he lacks energy to be one. Everything that is stupid, he replies in a normal calm manner. Even Katsura calls him out at failing. Either Takasugi legitimately don’t know what is a straight man or pretends to not know, Katsura notes that next time, they will play in their reversal role. This is comedy. Sadly, it ends here and the atmosphere drastically becomes serious.

The tone gets heavy when they begin discussing about their beloved master, Shouyo. Takasugi let him know that he has been searching for his master to save him; similar to what he has said to Gintoki. Katsura’s decision is different yet arguably more righteous of the two. There’s no mistake, he too wants to save their master. It almost sounds like he was agreeing with Takasugi. However, his definition of saving differs.

It’s awe-inspiring yet kind of hurtful with Katsura’s decision to save Shouyo by eliminating him. I was touched on how much he has learned as a Prime Minister and meant what he felt about his people. He wants to protect everyone, like what a Shogun used to do. It’s just Shouyo is also Utsuro and instead of gambling their chance, he wants to end the religion and him. That, to him, is what he considered “saving him.”

I mentioned hurtful because some fans would like Shouyo to return and earn freedom to live, but the reality is he’s the most hated criminal. Letting him live is an awful decision; making all “coolest guy ever” characters look like no crime record people. This moment leaves Gintoki as the middle man since he is torn between ending and sparing Shouyo’s life. I know he wanted to kill him before, but that flashback with him raising the child gave us a clearer view of his character. This subplot is seriously exciting. Please, Sorachi. Don’t ruin the payoff.

Katsura has some serious sincere dialogues that really got me picking his side over the debate. You can argue that he is more mature than Takasugi in this predicament. He hits right in the feels by closing the argument with everyone cannot go back in time after what they have become. It’s so true yet sad at same time. This discussion helped Takasugi to make his final decision: kill Katsura. Not like this…

This chapter is just fill with surprises. Not only would I never thought to see a comedy skit with Katsura and Takasugi, but now, a battle between them. The way how the setup plays out definitely feels like this is going to be a serious one-on-one combat. Katsura versus Takasugi is really happening. So many battles that I thought it wouldn’t happen, but since Sougo versus Kagura, anything is possible. I don’t know if the cliffhanger interrupts it, but if not, oh man, I can’t contain my excitement.

I was so happy that Kagura is chasing after Gintoki; however, I was so sad to learn more depth of her inner conflict. There’s no laughing matter here. In the flashback, Umibozu gives her a deep meaningful advice about letting go. Kagura was conflicted to return to Yorozuya, but he told her that if she doesn’t reach her hand out, there will be no one to grab back anymore. It sounds like a guilt trip, but it’s true in many ways. I sadly can relate to that. One must make a move to bring back together.

What really did it for me is another flashback about Shinpachi’s past two years action. Kagura thought Shinpachi was protecting their home and waited for Gintoki to return, but the truth is he wasn’t. He only protected it because he couldn’t move on; he too was stuck in the past. After all, Yorozuya is designed for those who have nothing to do. That…is a deep reference. Honestly, that made me whisper, “…aw…”

This left Kagura to carry a heavy burden. She has the chance to bring the family back together again. I love how the chase scene slowly becomes emotional. This could have been a funny gag, but the more you understand her feelings, the more you are feeling her pain. You want her to stop Gintoki from leaving. Her expression changes overtime from determination to sadness. Her reaching out her arms moment is so moving. The metaphor could not be any more painful.

The ending twist is not what I expected. The terminal is about to blow up, which I don’t get. I thought Tendoshu need them, unless there’s something else I missed. But that means the series is about to get dark again. The best part is how Gintoki drops his charade that reads, “To hell with hiding! I must protect Kagura!” I love that moment so much. This is why these characters are amazing. What comes next is anyone’s guess.

This chapter was a lot of things and outstanding is one of them. It’s filled with great laughs, especially in the beginning. I can’t stop laughing at the thought of ending the series controversial. It’s filled with serious developments such as Katsura versus Takasugi, which I, if uninterrupted, can’t wait for it. Lastly, it’s filled with emotional connections, including a teary scene with Kagura crying for Gin-chan. It looks like it’s time to begin another war. I thought I was ready… I guess not.

[orlandri-tl]

[Sukamoka Vol. 1] Chapter 2 Part 4: Rumors of the Four

Feodor tracked down Nax, who had skipped training again to nap in the canopy of a rustling tree. “Hey, you up there! I wondered if you could help me with a bit of a job.”

“Haaah?” came a lazy yawn. “Can’t I catch a Z or two?

Rubbing his eyes, Nax sat up on his tree limb. “Falcon muscles ain’t good for marathon training, y’know? I’m so bad at running it only takes a little sprint to tire me out.” He gave his legs a little shake, wincing. “Go on, check ‘em out – all crampy ‘n whatnot.”

Normally, it would have been entirely within reason for Feodor’s character to be outraged by such disrespect shown to a ranked officer, but Nax was one of his few friends – and besides, alone as they were, he didn’t have to worry about such petty things.

“I’m in the middle of getting some sweet beauty sleep so I can survive afternoon training.” Nax stretched his arms, yawning again. “If you’ve got any business with me then do drop by later, mister Fourth Officer.”

“No, not official business.” Feodor checked that they were alone, then lowered his voice. “I want your skills as an underground information broker.”

“...Oho?” Nax’s bored expression instantly twisted into a smirk. “It’s been a while since you’ve been a client of mine, Feo. Alright.” He leaned forward, all tiredness gone from his frame. “So whaddya want to know? The Division Chief’s vault combination number? Third Officer Hartynaccio’s favorite hair products? The desserts for tomorrow’s mess hall menu? Or maybe, just maybe… the underwear color of them girls you fancy?”

“Wrong, wrong, and wrong again. I want you to look into the background of those four girls we talked about before.”

“What, their underwear after all?”

“No. They’re my subordinates. I don’t want to see them that way.”

“Well, I expected you’d say something boring,” Nax sighed heartily. “Okay, be that way. What, then?”

“As I said, their backgrounds,” Feodor rubbed his head. “Just before the battle with a Beast, they’re sent from the 2nd Division – people who’ve dealt with the Beasts in the past. They seem like ordinary girls at first, but their combat abilities are unexpectedly high-level. If our division is to work with them in battle, we’ll make a powerful attack force… that’s what I thought, anyway, but for some reason I haven’t been able to work out, the higher-ups have been going to a lot of trouble to obscure their talents.”

He paused, and Nax prompted him to continue. “To begin with, why am I – somebody who’s supposedly their direct superior – only being ordered to supervise them on a simplistic, superficial level? That suggests they’re not likely to operate under my command during the actual battle, so are they going to move under some other commander, or on their own judgment? Either could be the case.”

“Uh huh…”

“Even if it’s not, we’re still about to end up in a very important battle. To do so with an unknown factor?” Feodor shook his head. “It’s irritating. I just want to be sure I can rely on them.”

“Alright, got it,” Nax replied briskly, spreading his wings. “I’ve some contacts from the 2nd, so I’ll give it a try.”

The leaves around him danced in the wind as he flapped his wings, preparing for takeoff. “Say, all this stuff you’re talking about – ya sniffing ‘round the military police by chance?”

“Hmm?”

“It doesn’t really matter if you are or aren’t, I guess, but even if there’s no proof, you probably won’t find anything good. I can sort of feel the wind, and there’s definitely something there in the backwinds. It ain’t a big threat or nothing, but be careful not to get found out. Since you’re a valued client, I’ll get ya something just this once – as a special service to ya, y’know.”

“Sure…” Feodor nodded, vaguely lost in thought. “Thanks. I’ll be careful.”

“Feodooooooooor!”

While walking back through the barracks, Feodor heard his name be called as a warm, soft body wrapped around him.

Then in the next moment something gouged into his pressure points, twisted his joints into unnatural positions, wrapped around his neck – in the split-second it’d taken to realize he was attacked, he’d somehow been put into a joint lock, something that had never happened to him before, as well as a stranglehold combined with other painful techniques.

“Owowowowowowowow?! W-wait a minute – ow, OW!”

Regardless of how much he tried to struggle, his body wouldn’t move. More than a simple matter of force, it was as if he’d been impaled by sharpened stakes and tied down to the ground.

However impressed I might be at their great technique, though – it hurts! Hurts! More and more – hurts, really, seriously, hurtshurtshurts!

“How’s that! Give up yet, d’ya?!” Collon’s voice shouted from somewhere behind his neck, close enough for her breath to warm his ear.

“I give up, I give up already! But why – argh – why the surprise attack?!”

“Combat readiness at all times is the warrior’s law! It’s bad not to keep your guard up!”

“I-I can’t agree with that kind of logic! Ngh...” He tried to twist his arm and shift his ligaments back into position, but soon regretted it. “Ow, ow! That hurts!” Crap, it’s no good! I can’t move my shoulders! Can I fall and slam her into the floor? No, that’s no good either, my ligaments might snap if I put too much force on them!

Then he heard a high-pitched scream, accompanied by the pitter-patter of quick footsteps, and looked up to see Lakhesh. A gust followed her as she ran, peeling off a nearby flyer warning Do not run in the hallways. “Collon! What on earth do you think you’re doing?!”

“Lakhesh, you got here just in time!” Feodor coughed out. “Hurry and get her to stop! I don’t think I can bear this for much longer!”

“Aw, it’s fine,” Collon giggled. “It took more than just this to take down Willem, after all!”

Eh? That name aga – OW! OW! OOOOOW!

“He’s not Willem, Collon!”

“Ugh, fine…” the girl on his back relaxed her right arm slightly, loosening her grip on Feodor’s shoulders. His arms spun back to their regular position. Slowly, bit by bit, all the points in his body that’d been immobilized by Collon’s limbs were released until the overwhelming pain vanished like it’d never been there and his body was back under his control.

In the absence of pain, Feodor suddenly became aware of Collon’s body, soft and warm as it was. If we remain in this compromising position, that’d be more than enough time for ridiculous thoughts to start forming in my head.

Before any weird ideas could appear, he shook himself and untangled Collon from his back. “Get off already!” She slid down to the ground with a surprised yelp.

“I-I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!” Instead of Collon, it was Lakhesh apologizing and bowing her head at high speeds reminiscent of a bird drinking. “Y-you see, Collon, she’s always been like this! She’s not mean-spirited or anything, she just jumps on people she gets along with like that – ah! B-but she’s not a bad girl, honest! She’s a really, really good girl, it’s true, it’s true!”

“I get it,” Feodor said, rubbing his aching shoulders. If she’d had just a tiny amount of bloodlust or bad intentions about him, his arms would’ve already been snapped. “It’s fine, it’s fine.”

“I… I see. I’m glad.” Lakhesh smiled wanly, placing a hand on her chest.

“Me too!” Collon added.

“And you! Don’t say that like it’s someone else’s problem entirely!” Lakhesh turned on her wayward comrade, whacking Collon with her tiny fists as the other girl chortled. “Just who do you think we’re talking about?!”

“Hey, Lakhesh,” Collon got out between giggles, “You think of me as your friend, right?”

“Eh?” Lakhesh paused in her assault.

“That’s good. With someone like you, we can all be happy.”

“N-no way, but… to say that kind of thing about me, um…”

“Woohoo!” Collon smiled and laughed. “I’m so happy, so happy!”

“I-I’m happy too, but can’t you be serious for once?!”

...How charming.

Though markless weren’t his type, Feodor couldn’t help but feel soothed whenever he saw little kids getting along. It always created an inexplicably warm sensation in his chest, something like what one might feel from seeing a puppy playing in its cage.

He observed Collon again, the girl giggling and beaming without a care in the world. No matter how he tried, he couldn’t see her physique as anything other than delicate – or rather, normal for the girl she appeared to be. Her arms and legs were relatively thin without much muscle. Beastfolk aside, being a man alone should give Feodor greater muscular strength than her. Yet, on top of having his movements sealed off in an instant, he had been literally unable to free his limbs for the duration of her time on his back.

“Hey, Feodor,” Collon suddenly said, meeting his eyes. “Would you show me how serious you are in battle, if I fought you?”

“Huh?”

“Portrick said you’re super strong, but you didn’t seem like that at all just now.”

“...Ah, I see.” So that’s what’s going on. “It’s not like I’m acting weak. I’m really not very strong at all. How should I put it…?” Feodor thought a moment. “I use an unique kind of fighting style, one that’s only possible against strong opponents like First Officer Portrick.”

Technically speaking, he was half-lying. He did have confidence in his own strength. More than just my deception skills, but explosive power, tactics and judgment, keeping in shape, among other things – I’ve trained myself in the abilities necessary for battle.

He didn’t intend to reveal that fact, of course. He planned to keep his cards hidden as much as possible.

“No, no, wait!” Collon threw up the palm of her hand, as if telling him to stop. “Isn’t that kinda weird logic? I’m strong enough to not lose to Portrick, so if he’s good enough for you, why not me?!”

Feodor hesitated. “...You have a different kind of strength. That goes for me too, though I can’t explain too well.”

“Uh huh…” She hummed, not looking convinced.

“...Oh, by the way.” Though he was still cracking and loosening his muscles, Feodor tried to pose the question he was about to ask naturally. “About that Willem person you mentioned before, who is he?” The name had appeared often enough, but it was a topic that probably wouldn’t be confidential… probably.

Sure enough, Lakhesh was quick to start filling him in. “Um… you see… I think you already know this, but we must always be under the control of distinguished military personnel.” It was the first time he’d heard the always part, but that wasn’t an unexpected surprise. “It’s a story that’s okay for anyone to listen to if they’re more than a ranked officer, I guess.”

She took a breath, then continued. “There aren’t many soldiers who’d be glad to go and babysit children like us. Everyone else immediately resigned and left. Willem was sent to our warehouse like the other soldiers, five years ago. He was an incredibly admirable Technical Officer… and… he was… like a father to all of us.”

Oh… I see. He felt a plunging sensation in his gut. The person Collon and Tiat both talked about had the same position I do now. In other words, they’re comparing me, Feodor Jessman, to their beloved father?

“Do I look old enough to be your father?”

“I-it’s not like that, but – well–” Lakhesh fidgeted and glanced at his face. “Your age m-might not be so different than Willem’s at the time.”

Seriously?! He felt aghast. He wasn’t much younger or older than me, 17 years old as I am, and yet he’s loved as a father by these nearly 15-year-old girls? Just how much willpower does one need to visit them so often as they’re growing up?

For Feodor, so very aware of his youth, it was impossible to imagine. He felt deep respect for the Technical Officer Willem, whose face remained shadowy and unknown.

Some time after that incident, after the day’s training concluded, Feodor sat down to eat in the tumultuous mess hall.

“Thossse new recruitsss of yoursss, they are a group of good girlsss.” One of his fellow Fourth Officers – he couldn’t recall his name, but his hissing accent and body shape gave away that he was a Findantropos – sat down next to him. “Essspecially that Lakhesh. Here in the military, with the sssortie nearing, everyone isss becoming worked up, yesss? If there isss a girl like her presssent, who treatsss everyone kindly, then her presssence must be quite healing for you.”

“No way, not a chance,” the Third Officer seated across from Feodor – a Scarsalantropos with the black shell signature of his race, but whose name he also failed to recall – opened his big mouth. “If it’s one of little Feo’s new recruits, then Collon won’t lose so easily. That one has the overwhelming courage to blow through all her fears. Her bottomless cheerfulness would revive the willpower of the most cowardly soldier. I’d gladly snatch her away for my squad if she wasn’t here as a guest soldier.”

“Mm…” The Findantropos murmured. “But Lakhesh isss the cuter one, isss she not?”

“Hmph. You need courage to survive in battle ‘til the end, not cuteness.”

“Tsssk! Courage, courage – if you love it ssso, why not marry it?”

“That’s what my wife told me too, before she left me.”

“...Ah, I apologize. That wasss inconsssiderate of me.”

The atmosphere became ever-so-slightly awkward.

They’re looking at me, Feodor noticed perfunctorily. As the direct superior of the two in question, it seemed that they expected him to somehow have some comment to add. “Er–”

In the first place, the meals in the 5th Division were never exceptionally tasty. In order to provide food that could be eaten by soldiers of various races – and various tastes – it was intentionally given a flat flavor with no texture or taste to it. Large condiment bottles placed on each table suggested their use to tune the meal to one’s liking, but there were only so much you could dump on to affect how it tasted, and many tired of either option.

Now, in such a gray mealtime, Feodor was expected to offer up his opinion on an equally dull topic. Give me a break.

“...Speaking of those girls, they’re all markless, aren’t they?” he eventually said, allowing roughly half of what he thought on the subject to show on his face.

The Findantropos and Scarsalantropos exchanged blank glances, before the former hissed softly, “Ah, yesss… I heard that Fourth Officer Jessssman hatesss the marklessss.”

“Mm-hmm, that’s right. Since you’re usually so friendly to everyone around you, I’d completely forgotten.”

They said it as if it was a big surprise. Everyone around me, he says? I know that’s how I act, but…

“Still, I didn’t take him to be so foolish as to let prejudices cloud his eyes. The girls are excellent personnel. You can’t deny that, can you?”

“Yesss. You are willing to confessss they are good girlsss, are you not?”

Asking me that, pressing me from both sides for answers? The nerve of these two...

Even for someone as prejudiced as Feodor, however, there was one thing he could grudgingly say about the four girls.

They lived every day to its fullest, recklessly racing through the passing hours. Before a battle where they might die, they had enough strength of mind, enough emotional control, that they wouldn’t crack under the strain of mortality. Whether that was bravery or ignorance, he couldn’t say, but all the same, that singular quality was visible to even his markless-hating eyes. And so…

“...I suppose… I can admit to that much,” he grumbled in a low voice, accepting his loss.

Triumphant smiles, identical after a fashion, appeared on the faces of the pair to his left and right. “And now I asssk,” the Findantropos said, “boy who sharesss their race, which do you favor? Perhapsss, the modessst type?”

“Indeed!” the Scarsalantropos added. “What a man truly desires to have at his side is a comrade in arms, one who will dash through the battlefield named life with him!”

This is bad. Even though they know I hate all markless, how did the conversation turn out like this again?

“Hmmm…” the Armado First Officer that he’d spoken with before, eating at a nearby table, suddenly looked over. “Well, it’s fine to answer that honestly,” he said in his usual disinterested tone. “I know you hate markless, and don’t care to blame you for it.”

“But,” he continued, suddenly appearing almost like the adult his age suggested him to be, “if I may add this much, I trust you’re not a narcissist who just enjoys saying ‘I hate myself’ or some sort of nonsense. So rather than getting some weird fixation on hating them, it’s fine to have opinions like ‘I like them when I like them.’ You’re still young, after all.”

“I completely agree!” Private First Class Portrick added, baring his fangs in a joyful grin. “As expected of the Fourth Officer, I knew we were kindred spirits! Well then, for the sake of those innocent children, let’s be people who’d willingly march to our deaths to protect their happiness!”

I wouldn’t go that far. Although he did feel lonely on occasion, he was committed enough to his role as the explementary role model to hide whatever growing desperation he might feel. And as for Portrick’s remark – if the teen girls were children, then as somebody who only had two or three years on them, Feodor himself shouldn’t be considered so different. In which case, how does Portrick classify them…? Well, I don’t think I want to know his reasoning, so I won’t ask.

“A good markless doesn’t exist.” He was snapped out of his train of thought by Private First Class Talmareet’s blunt statement. The old Ayrantropos walked over. “But you must agree, those youngsters are growing the soul of a tail.”

Is that the punchline? You share my hatred on markless, and yet you have a fondness for those girls too? “Well, I don’t see any tails sprouting from their buttocks.”

He gave him a flat, irritated glare. Feodor returned a snide half-grin, behind which the meaning of “it’s the truth” laid.

Ultimately, Feodor was just too different from them. He wasn’t honest, nor did he live life to the fullest. He was a devious Imp, sneaking around in inconspicuous places and deceiving everybody around him. He wasn’t worthy of their favor.

“...Hmm.”

Feodor glanced at Nax, hearing the Falcon’s noncommittal noise. For some reason, he hadn’t risen to any of the bait being laid down, and had instead nodded along to everybody else’s comments. Usually, he would blather on and on about him, along the lines of “Well, well, well! So Feo’s finally gonna wake up and discover women exist, ain’t he?! My lucky day! Don’t ya worry, fellas, I’ll teach this useless guy everything about women from now on. Seeing as there’s four of ‘em, I reckon he’ll be able to blow it with up to three,” wearing a stupid smirk the whole time. Seeing his lack of interest now was… unexpected.

“Yo. That investigation ya got me for. I’ve found something.”

“Already? Even by your standards, that’s fast.”

“Eh, no biggie. Just ‘cause it’s called classified don’t mean the info itself is handled all that strictly.” Nax lightly waved around an envelope with some papers poking out of it. “Cases like this one, there’s something they really want to hide, so most of the stuff up-front are just dummies, but… well, this time my intuition told me it wasn’t like that. Most likely this is what ya want. Honest evidence. The real deal.”

“...You know, the way you’re talking is a bit odd. You wouldn’t happen to be overexaggerating it, would you?”

“Nah. Even for me, it was intriguing stuff.” Nax’s eyes flicked to the folder, and his lip curled. “Normally, I’d feel bad taking a peek.”

Heh?

Feodor considered it. Nax was, to speak of him generously, easygoing. Speaking badly, he was an irresponsible slacker. His insincere attitude never broke, he didn’t reveal his real feelings, and he acted like he was teasing someone or enjoying himself all the time. It was bizarre to see such seriousness on his face, to hear the heavy disgust in his voice. “Going on about it like you are… are they the bastard children of some important family? Some story like that?”

“You’ll understand once ya read it. After that? Burn it.”

So cold. That’s… really odd.

Nax shoved the envelope into Feodor’s chest and turned on his heel. “Honestly, I didn’t care what ya were planning to do with it, but I think I get it now.”

His back to Feodor, the Falcon spoke with frustration floating through his words.

“Regul Aire may be about to fall.”

Bing bong.

The lodge’s front entrance grandfather clock chimed as Feodor returned to his room, the consecutive tones telling him it was 7 in the evening.

Once he was inside, he opened the envelope and removed its contents. It wasn’t very thick, but if there was anything to Nax’s words, then it had significantly more information than it seemed.

...Muster up your courage and read it quickly. With that running through his mind, Feodor turned the pages.

427/6/15: Spirit Va captured on Floating Island 23.

“...Huh?”

It wasn’t informative at all. Rather, it was a type of document that had been cleaned up into a report format. A familiar format.

These are… management documents of disposable weapons in the Winged Guard. They’re used to confirm the stockpile of one-shot ships and rare, unique munitions.

I get it – I get that much, but I don’t understand anything beyond that.

What is this meant to be? I asked for an investigation into those four girls, so what’s with this stuff? That ass, Nax… did he make a mistake and throw the wrong documents into the envelope?

Putting aside his concerns, Feodor continued to read.

427/6/16: Spirit Ur opens Fairy Gate during battle on Floating Island 72. Disposed of.

427/6/19: Spirit Ro reaches maturity.

427/7/08: Spirit We is tuned to Dug Weapon Insania.

427/7/11: Spirit We opens Fairy Gate during battle on Floating Island 14. Disposed of.

427/8/15: Spirit Ro is tuned to Dug Weapon Insania.

427/8/22: Spirit Ti is captured on Floating Island 47.

Although the information’s origin was unknown, if he could assemble the numbers with some hypotheses, the meaning would emerge.

First of all, what’s recorded here is a material situation designated with the title of “Spirit.”

When they use the word in this context, it indicates a whole spirit body with an concrete anchor which I don’t know of yet. It might be something that inhabits an container, or perhaps something that inhabits a place… or if it’s a different species altogether, does it dwell in a faith or contract? No, wait, not all of those possibilities are usable in military terms, so is it better to assume it indicates a specific race among us?

By the way “spirits” are mentioned here, I can tell they form all over Regul Aire and have been captured regularly. It takes a reasonable amount of time for them to mature. After that, they perform a “tuning” with another part called a “Dug Weapon” and head into a battle. There, they activate a phenomenon called a “Fairy Gate” and are afterwards disposed of.

The battles occur quite often. The only enemy the Winged Guard wars with that much would be the Teimerre. That means these items are, most likely, high-powered explosive bullets that are utilized for enemies such as the Beasts, said to be otherwise invincible against conventional weaponry.

437/12/16: Spirit Ti is tuned to Dug Weapon Ignareo.

A familiar proper noun caught his eye.

438/3/30: Spirit La is tuned to Dug Weapon Seniolis.

438/6/05: Spirit Pa is tuned to Dug Weapon Katena.

438/7/20: Spirit Co is tuned to Dug Weapon Purgatorio.

Names he knew, lining up one by one.

Their ridiculously long names floated into his mind as if by random chance. Tiat Shiba Ignareo. Collon Rin Purgatorio. Panival Nox Katena. Lakhesh Nyx Seniolis. Damn it. Damn it to hell. It’s the beginnings of their names – and the names of their Dug Weapons? It’s completely consistent.

“...What the hell… is going on here…?”

Feodor double-checked it. Indeed, what he was holding was management documents of disposable weapons. Items used to manage a number of disposable small airships or munitions.

So why, why were their names in that list?

“.........”

He understood. Thinking about it logically, there was only one conclusion that could be made. To approach it from any other direction, try to see it any other way, was simply impossible.

“You should be happy,” someone’s insidious whisper slipped into his ear.

Why did Feodor Jessman place himself in danger, put his body on the line, in some place like the Winged Guard? Was it to protect the world? No. To get a good career and become rich? No.

It must have been to search for this.

The Winged Guard and the Orlandri General Trading Company had been wielding secret anti-Beast combat weapons. It was never determined what sort of thing had prevented the Teimerre’s invasions countless times. Until now. That goal had been achieved. It’s done.

But joy didn’t erupt within Feodor. Instead, something like frustration or anger, something not dissimilar to both feelings, did. Pitch-black emotions distorted, coiled, twisted into a whirling vortex in his chest.

Choked with emotion and unable to be rid of it, Feodor hurled the papers in his hand at the wall. They hit with a thud and scattered upon impact, dancing and spinning across the room.

One such paper fell on the floor at his feet. It was a page of the previously-tightened document, with writing on it he had not yet read.

443/5/11: Spirit Ti to open Fairy Gate during battle on Floating Island 39. Disposal planned.

443/5/11: Spirit Co to open Fairy Gate during battle on Floating Island 39. Disposal planned.

443/5/11: Spirit Pa to open Fairy Gate during battle on Floating Island 39. Disposal planned.