#past self-hate
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I got ONE person's verbal confirmation so I'm gonna fucking DO IT.
Comence me talking about how I relate very much to Roger.
Oh yeah and like. Major spoilers for Roger's route dlc
RAAAHHGHGH this route HURT me. Doggo why do you always manage to make me cry with every game you release... it's my curse...
Anyway, so, Roger! Absolutely love this guy, he's so silly and sweet. He might be a little..... slow, sometimes.... (he did in fact accept a USB that supposedly could let you play vr games on your pc WITHOUT a headset. Like I love you man, but get AHOLD OF YOURSELF.) But overall he's a very sweet guy.
Which is why I don't understand why I RELATE to him SO MUCH.
This scene, right here.
FIRST OF ALL, ROGER, STOP IT RIGHT NOW.
This scene hurt a little too much because I've felt this EXACT same way. Looking in the mirror and seeing someone you hated, someone you could barely recognize. I HATE MIRRORS.
This one, too:
Feeling like you need to be your best self, not for you, but for them. Because if you're not there to help, who is? Why would they trust you ever again if you screw something up?
Trying to do something you feel you can't do, just to help them. For their sake. Like if I don't do this right, they'll be the ones paying the price.
NEXT!
..so uhm WHY. WHY ARE YOU ATTACKING ME RIGHT NOW
I felt like this for a long time before I got better, I sometimes still do. Feeling like I don't matter, like no one would miss me if I just disappeared. I even tried to disappear a few times, didn't turn out great.
Luckily I have family and friends that helped me heal, and feel better about myself as a whole! I still have those days when I feel small and useless, but I always have someone to help me out, and I honestly couldn't be more grateful to everyone who's helped me get to this point.
Including my beloved mutuals, the majority of whom I've never spoken to. You've all done more than you know. Love you guys
BACK TO ROGER
This little wet sock of a man makes me so happy. He's so silly and goofy and you can tell he truly cares for all of his friends no matter what. I'm glad he got the ending he deserves and realized that he's good just as he is.
Just like I did.
#WOW this was a rough one to write.#randy analyzes shit#randy yaps#randys late night rambles#dialtown phone dating sim#roger dialtown#roger jones#dialtown roger#dialtown dlc#dialtown dlc spoilers#past self-hate#self hate#self care#i hate tagging#get this over with already randy#relatable characters#rant post#i ate a sandwich while typing this#very yummy
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I finally watched breaking bad (all within the past week or so while I worked, finished it and watched el camino last night) and I'm confident this isn't a new thought I'm expressing or anything but genuinely how DID an entire generation of dudes convince themselves Walter White was cool and admirable and intended to be sympathetic. I know ppl just lack media literacy sometimes but I'm still so confused
I don't think I've EVER watched a piece of media that so blatantly depicts a guy making the worst possible decisions at every turn and having his life ruined for it and not being redeemed or made sympathetic in any significant or lasting way. the kinds of justifications villains USUALLY give that make people consider them "morally grey" or "tragic" or whatever (everything I did was for my loved ones, I did what I had to to survive, once I was in this I couldn't get out, I just needed you to trust me so I could keep you safe, etc etc) is ALWAYS framed as complete self-serving bullshit when Walt says it, and one of the only shreds of personal growth he ever exhibits in the whole series is when he finally fucking admits that. every time he does something even remotely cool or drops a quotable one-liner, something terrible immediately happens that makes everything worse and makes him look like an unreasonable idiot asshole again. by the end of the series the ONLY characters they can still contrast as being morally "worse" than him are literally a bunch of bloodthirsty neonazis who kept a guy in a cage for several months. this show is practically SCREAMING at you the entire time not to admire Walt. why did every dude I knew in highschool have his face on tshirts and Facebook pfps.
I just don't get it. at least with The Dark Knight's Joker it was like, a feature-length movie and that's it. you spend a lot less time with the Joker and it has a lot less time to delve into his motivations, so there's way more room for flanderization and misinterpretation as people extrapolate the few cool/interesting/sad things they saw into a whole nuanced misunderstood guy in their heads and online. Walter White has 5 seasons' worth of 45min episodes to convince you beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is a miserable fucking loser who ruins everything he touches because of greed and selfishness. if you weren't watching it for that, what WERE you getting out of this. what DID you think this show was about. am I just missing some key piece of context from 2012 or whatever that would help me understand this
#buny text#breaking bad#also I'm vaguely aware there was a big movement of fans who blamed everything on his wife and said she was the worst#which like. obvious misogyny from the primary audience of teen boys and young men aside#she's not really worse than any of the other adult characters?? she sucks real bad in the first couple seasons but so does everyone else#half the point of having all these characters be so shitty and rigid and unwilling to grow or accommodate others is so that#they can serve as landmarks to show how rapidly walt is abandoning his morals and spiraling into self-justification as the series goes on#the people you hate in season 1 are largely people you sympathize with in season 4 and 5 because compared to walt they're saints#idk. it's just weird having grown up around the fan culture for this show for the past decade or so and then finally watching it#and just being completely baffled now that i know what they were responding to
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the buddy-buddy act ends now
#ritsu: i am a horrible person and i hate you this is my evil arc#shigeo: *hugs his hurting little brother*#ritsu: *breaks into tears* not fair#GDHEHXGSGDH god God i love ritsu okay#i love the kageyama brothers they mean everything#and ritsu- loving ritsu has just been SO interesting and enlightening even these past months#I'm squatting in his brain#his tendency to catastrophize#his powerful sense of self-importance that coexists with brutal self criticism#his prickly aloof nature and enormous capacity for empathy that he consciously extends to very few#he's a judgy b-tch but only in his head#people adore him but he's not interested#he's Driven by fear and he's brave to the point of lunacy#the LEVELS of gaslighting he did on himself to convert that fear into adoration#protectiveness#anything#Anything else that makes sense#the way he snapped under the weight So Fast when presented with an out eager to test what kind of wicked creature he is under the layers of#paint and consolation prizes#his high morals that he's itching to see crumbled#his 'I've obtained loss' that speaks to me. his 'I just wanted to see what its like being a fool'#his 'i realised what i really wanted: to learn that devotion towards living a fun life and shedding sweat and tears and blood for it.'#g a h#kageyama ritsu#ritsu kageyama#mp100#mob psycho 100#mob psycho 100 fanart#kageyama brothers#this piece fought me every step of the way Jeeesussss but i love it. it was very experimental in the direction i want to keep exploring
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Fight
Aftermare Week by @bluepallilworld
Error by loverofpiggies
Nightmare by jokublog
#zu art#comic#aftermare week 2023#aftermare week#aftermare#error!sans#nightmare!sans#undertale#undertale au#utmv#yeah [love] is cool but have you ever helped your enemy put on a slipper? I can't imagine a more intimate thing ///#very out of rules but I couldn't resist <3#canonically Nightmare remembers very little (only the main things) of the past but#what if#he still remembers Geno?#(while Error doesn't remember anything (poor man))#he hates who Geno has become but spares Error again and again for the sake of the one who was kind to Nightmare's past self ;w;#one good turn deserves another? ♡
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Imaginary Friend
Jason Todd had an imaginary friend. Or at least that was his theory, because the other option was not acceptable. His imaginary friend appeared right during the moment of the explosion (in the same place where the fucking Joker had stood) so Jason wondered if what created it was the trauma, maybe his head wished he saw a friendly face before dying.
However that didn't explain why his friend appeared after his resurrection. Jason wondered again if he was going crazy. The day he came out of his grave, with a dizzy head and blurred memories, his friend manifested. The weird thing was that his friend aged (just like him) and his shiny white hair had a floating crown.
Maybe Jason wanted to be friends with royals, who knows. His friend (Danny, because apparently he can talk), showed him where to walk (he seemed to be avoiding something?), unfortunately he didn't listen to Danny, and he ran into Talia. His friend frowned at him in obvious disgust, but how was he supposed to know?
That was how Jason confirmed that Danny was product of his imagination, because Talia couldn't see him. But Danny was strangely helpful, he knew a lot about combat and helped him in the League, when he asked him about it he said that he wanted him to get out of there as soon as possible.
Years later, when he had already left the League and established himself as Red Hood, his friend was still by his side. And Jason was strangely grateful that he'd never left—Danny had helped him so much— his friend had grown up with him. So, the day Dick asked him who he was talking to (Danny, of course), he dodged the question.
In his apartment, he looked at Danny (patient, always attentive) and asked "Are you really imaginary?" Danny smiled sadly, but didn't answer. Jason wondered if it was possible to fall in love with a product from his head.
#dpxdc#Jason tough that Danny was a product of his mind#some imaginary friend that his head created to console himself#But Danny is real#he's just weak at the moment#Danny learned about Jason by Clockwork#and decided to help#dp x dc#dc x dp#ghost king danny#deadonmain#Danny became ghost king during Jason absence#actually he met Jason ghost first#but traveled to the past because Ghost Jason told him that he hated dying alone#Danny is weak because he's feeding Jason his own ecto#He also doesn't want to make himself known to others so he remains visible only to Jason#Danny learned duplication too#he's in the realms but his real self is always with Jason#he got attached
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"why don't you want him to know how much you love him?" "that's a little personal. he knows." "uh-huh."
#interview with the vampire#iwtv#armand#the vampire armand#loumand#louis de pointe du lac#daniel molloy#alice molloy#must preface that NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO USE THIS FOR LDPDL HATE PURPOSES#even though louis (well both of them lbr) clearly had communication and commitment issues#armand directed a play that would KILL louis all because he was self conscious that louis didn't love him enough#anyway this is just one interpretation of the 'alice rejected daniel's proposal' convo scene#cause i see soo many people ask 'why did armand say all that' (and have wondered so myself)#even though we cant rule out the possibility that devil's minion happened in the past and that this was armandaniel history tease#armand could be projecting his choice re: louis and the trial onto alice's choice here#similar to how daniel was projecting his feelings about paris onto claudia in this same episode#i just think this would make sense thematically w armand's arc this season#(ie revealing what a deeply insecure and selfish and fucked up lover he is under his guise as a 500 yo devoted and caring husband)#armand 🤝 lestat: i will love you and i will hurt you. if i cant have you then i will break you#[plays under your spell by desire] whats the difference between love and obsession and desire? do you think this feeling could last forever#c.txt#mine#'she didnt think she could trust you' sounds like a YOU problem buddy#and then armand realizes he was wrong too late and bro was SCRAMBLING#the start of something beautiful aka failmarriage!!! :D
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i keep thinking about the fact that unlike sy (who never even thought about how his family might feel about him dying), airplane actually had the option to go back to his family and ultimately decided not to.
like imagine being a parent and finding out that your child chose a life that didn’t have you in it.
just think about the guilt that his parents must have felt when they heard the news. each of them are enjoying time with their new families, but they haven’t spoken to their son in a while. he’s in college though so he’s probably fine. he’s not reaching out saying that he needs help or money or anything though he never asked for much when he was home either.
then they get the call. and they find out that he died alone in his apartment. he was electrocuted while trying to salvage his laptop. and they think he didn’t have to die this way. he never asked them for anything, and now they know that he desperately needed them. he never mentioned how much he struggled, and maybe he would have if they had been in contact more often. but they were too caught up in their own lives to pay attention to him.
no parent should have to out-live their child, but they distanced themselves so much from him that they couldn’t even be there for him when he died.
cough your child could have lived a long, happy, & healthy life and eventually die of old age surrounded by people they love. but instead he died when he was young and alone because he didn’t feel comfortable sharing his problems with you cough cough
#this is mostly about airplane’s parents now that i think about it#fuck those guys#shang qinghua#im shaking him aggressively#and the fact that sqh and sqq NEVER mention their ‘past lives’ with each other (iirc) drives me insane#but it’s also. in character for them to do that. as much as i hate it.#Mr. Repression & Mr. God Complex never talk about their feelings?!?!?!#how shocking.#mxtx svsss#svsss extras#svsss book 4#svsss sqh#sqh#svsss#scumbag self saving system#scumbag system#airplane shooting towards the sky#HE DIED ALONE IN HIS APARTMENT CAUSE HE WAS WORKING HIMSELF TO THE BONE TO PAY RENT!!!!!!#i will never get over that.#shen yuan died alone too but his death is shown differently in different medias so its hard to analyze it imo
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I feel like I should say since there's been a recent uptick in a lot of communities I'm in/see stuff from a lot of white people pretending to be Asian, but you are not welcome here if you are in anyway stealing from Asian cultures for clout or the aesthetics of it
This includes if you're white and you give your self inserts Asian names, I truly do not care if your f/o is from an anime, you should not be using an Asian name under any circumstances. I hate that whenever I see someone using an Asian name online, I feel like I have to start searching their account to see if they're actually Asian or just a white person who likes the aesthetic of it bcs far too many white people will use Asian names here just bcs it sounds cool, with no regard for the actual cultural meaning behind it. Meanwhile actual Asian people will be mocked for their names, or treated like their names are too hard to learn to pronounce, or discriminated against based on their names
Asian cultures are not a fun little costume for people to dress up with. They aren't just a nice aesthetic, they aren't just a thing you can borrow from bcs you think it sounds cool
#my posts#selfship community#anti asian racism#like it's definitely a perpetual problem of white people not seeming to realize asian names are like#a thing that are tied to culture and identity#but it's gotten crazy lately with people pretending to be asian online for clout#just in the past like 3 weeks of things i've seen#we had the white woman pretending to be a japanese woman on comic twitter#the white woman who pretended to be korean to get a 'ownvoices' book published#(who btw. named herself kim chi. you cannot make this shit up)#and then the white guy pretending to be japanese to try to justify his hate of the new assassin's creed game using stuff around yasuke#like it's so draining. i hate how much this is a never ending problem#i hate how casually white people will use asian names#like worstie. i am a korean woman. but i am whitepassing and mixed so i never use korean names for my self inserts#bcs i have the privilege of looking white and people generally only knowing i'm asian if i say it#it feels inappropriate to me for me to name my self inserts a korean name#bcs that would then mean they experience the world in a different way than i do#even being whitepassing bcs of the way people treat korean (and other asian) names#if you are white you have no fucking right to asian names#idgaf if your f/o's an anime character. stay away from asian names bcs they are not yours to dress up in#vent a little bit sorry team#i've been dealing with white people doing this shit and being assholes to me about it for well over a year now. it's exhausting
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So do think Branch and Creek's related would be toxic at first or not all
Realistically, I think Branch would have a very hard time trusting Creek at first.
He would be petty, rude, and hostile before letting himself see Creek in the light of friendship. In general, Branch isn’t the kind of person to trust automatically. There would be some toxicity there, some resentment at first, but I believe he could allow himself to foster some sort of relationship (friends or more) just like he has with everyone else in his life.
My headcanon for Creek is that he has narcissistic tendencies, but truly did care for his friends before his own life was in danger. Fear makes fools of us all. I think he would regret what he did in some capacity, realizing that being alive - but alone - wasn’t worth it in the end. He would want to try and make it up to the trolls, even Branch, but doesn’t know the proper way to express his remorse. He knows Branch still doesn’t trust him, and there’s no foundation without trust.
#dreamworks trolls#trolls#branch trolls#creek trolls#trolls breek#trolls creek#breek trolls#my stuff#a lot of bickering and bringing stuff up from the past#I think Branch would be more hateful than Creek but Creek would try to make himself the victim out of self preservation#idk a lot of feelings about this
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A little promo with my little obsession on the side...........
Reminder all items are shipped from Poland - for details on shipping times check out FAQ or send me a private message!
mmezzy.bigcartel.com
#klance#halloween au#im projecting on the internet my own impostor syndrome#i feel that im awful and should be learning how to draw instead of writing shitty fics#and when i want to write a post and share a little doodle or smth - 'sorry' is right between the lines and its so frustrating#like???? nobody probably cares#im either here or im not#and if i need to finish that little abomination of a fic then so be it you'd think people wouldnt mind too much#and would still want to listen to my captions and see whatever silly doodle however silly it is as long as its true#..............but what if its all redundant#what if i cant draw after i had to flip my entire routine upside down#and will forever chase a thrill of feeling like a prolific artist and it will be always out of reach now#what if people scroll past my art and feel nothing now#what if world is filled with people who kinda hate klance but stay out of reflex and not bc its their deeply routed source of comfort#what if i reached an artistic plateau and will never be good enough#what if this is the limit of my 'talent'#what if i will forever love the projects i want to share but will always hate the execution of it wanting to fix it fix it fix it learn mor#i keep reading the little notes i get on orders#some screenshots i saved#i find good words and opinions and love letters to art as a whole#and i feel insufficient#subpar#i drew a comic about it to an old poem and still havent finished it#there is a point of trying your best when it stops feeling like a challenge and feels like a failure#its the moment where you keep going of course#and yet#there are emotions im sure nobody shares on social media bc we just try to get through them#but who else will take it better than tumblr tags#either way if im less around its because im dealing with creational self-hatred and artistic ambitions#but on the other hand arent all artists like that? i ran out of tag space btw have an awesome weekend
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I think if you put Piranesi into Area X he would wander off in a joyful daze of natural beauty and happily become an entire flock of birds in less than 24 hours, but if you put the Biologist into the House she would immediately start having the worst time humanly possible. Yes they are both scientists, yes they both have their names stolen from them, but in the end the Biologist simply does not have the connection to + awareness of herself/her place in the story to survive in the House without losing her mind; while Piranesi spends his entire book overjoyed to be the House’s blessed child, the Biologist spends her entire book doing her damndest to tell her own story without having to be in it
#mine#piranesi#the southern reach#the southern reach trilogy#and I have more to say abt the name thing too#and the way they rediscover themselves through past journals#and it’s not quite THEM but it was once someone who was them??#they are so so similar but I fear the biologist would absolutely hate the poor guy lmao#ghost bird though. ghost bird who named herself after the love her past self experienced.#i think piranesi and ghost bird would get along
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Ok have we never thought about the fact that since lbh exists and is canotically able to have kids with both demons and humans, that demons and humans are the same species?
Ok hi, someone who is unironically interested in reproductive biology in the scientific way not as an innuendo, am going to explain how with the information available to me, I believe that modern day scientists would classify demons as the same species as humans
We all know that different species emerge through evolution, and that occurs through genetic isolation and natural selection and all that jazz, NOT through breeding between species
Now, how does a successful breeding work? There are a few steps that have to be taken in order to create life through sexual reproduction
First, obviously, sex. The actual act has to be possible for the species. A worm can’t reproduce with a cow simply because it’s sperm wouldn’t be able to even reach any zones where it could have an effect and they reproduce so differently that it doesn’t matter
Now say a cat and a similarly sized dog try to reproduce. Ok, the sperm might make it into the hole, but does it survive to make it to the egg? Not likely. Each species has specific and delicate environments to house specific and delicate sperm and if even one little chemical is too much or too little, all of the sperm may die before making it to any eggs
Now we get to the part we learn about in highschool biology where mitosis makes my toes and meiosis makes me or whatever saying y’all learned to memorize that but in case you forgot, the whole evolutionary point of sexual reproduction was genetic variety, so being able to swap chromosomes during meiosis is essential to actually making the baby. Different species of animals have different traits, so they have different numbers of chromosomes. So even if a baby is made, it would not necessarily have all of the traits it needs to survive to adulthood.
There are cases like mules where the act of sex is successful, the reproductive biome is just close enough that sperm can successfully fertilize, and the number of chromosomes is just one off from the necessary number to the point where these animals can successfully and relatively healthily survive to adulthood.
The thing is, since the parent species are not the same, they don’t have the same chromosomes. Meaning the mule cannot reproduce with either of its respective species due to not having sufficient chromosomes. Therefore it is not a separate species and is considered a hybrid.
With Luo Binghe, it is stated that in pidw he is able to reproduce with both demons and humans successfully. This means that a) sex works (but we know that already) b) sperm can survive both species bodies and c) he has the correct number and type of chromosomes for both humans and demons
The only thing this means is that humans and demons have the same genetic makeup
It could be similar to how dog breeds work where they have vastly different features but are still able to interbreed with each other and are considered the same species
One might say oh but what about the southern demons most of them are basically animals- DID YOU FORGET ABOUT ZZL!?!?
He is half snake demon half heavenly demon and although he doesn’t have any kids, it is never once implied that he is sterile and that the complications between his parents was more of a cultural difference than a worry about intermingling species
Which also implies that humans can reproduce with the more animalistic demons as well
I hesitate to compare demons vs humans with human ethnicities on earth since it goes a little further than skin tone and hair texture but I think the dog breeds is a good comparison
Tldr demons and humans can have kids that are fertile therefore lbh is a dog breed mix
#long post#ish#I’d hate to scroll past it anyway#scum villain#scumbag villain#scum villian self saving system#scumbag system#scumbag self saving system#worldbuilding#mentions of sex#luo binghe#luo bingge#pidw
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Zoro would cringe so much if he looked back at his past self from when he met Luffy.
Past!Zoro: I can't cut this cell! Guess I'll just carry with my bare hands the guy I just met and instantly fell in love with while I'm bleeding out.
Zoro: Ughhhuhhshhhgughhh what are you doing iughhh it's so fucking lame why did I do that???? I couldn't even cut the damn thing and then I just carried Luffy like that ughhhhwghhh
Nami: This has to be so embarrassing for you right now
Zoro: Ughwhhhhhhughhh I was so weak back then
Nami: And you wanted Luffy so bad-
Zoro: Fuck you. Shut up. Shit, I was a loser. I hate myself. Iughghhh.
#that awkward moment when you remember you carried your crush while he was inside a cell you couldn't cut yet#and you had basically just met your crush#i just think zoro would be so embarrassed about his past self#like the guy hates past!zoro with a passion for doing stuff like that#and then he keeps doing it now too#one day he'll remember wano and go 'oh fuck did i really say that why did i say that' at every little interaction with luffy#sometimes zoro deserves to be a bit of a failguy i think#one piece#roronoa zoro#cat burglar nami#monkey d. luffy#romance dawn trio#zolu
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If wukong saw his past self he would do some horrible sht to him, I'm pretty sure. 😔
#he hates his past self imo#luwkade drawings#lmk sun wukong#sun wukong#lego monkie kid#lmk#lmk monkey king#lmk fanart
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I decided to start talking about Wick and Rocky's relationship because I like their dynamics too, I like seeing Wick scared of Rocky and Rocky being aggressive with him, which is unusual because Rocky is rarely aggressive with anyone, but of course Wick is an exception to rule
Also my mini opinion about their possible relationship, I think that if Rocky didn't have to fight for his place, then he and Wick could become friends, or at least tolerate each other a little, I also see some superficial similarities, their gentlemanly and romantic natures, and their common love for explosions (remembering the quarrymen chapter), but this is my assumption, I think that I don't understand the characters' personalities well, so I can be wrong in this assumption, something like that. So, what do you think about their relationship?
for starters, i cannot thank you enough for this ask! as i’ve said previously, i have many thoughts on these two, so it’s nice to finally be able to share some of them. although given the extent to which i think about them, i apologize in advance if this is sloppy and sort of everywhere … while i’ll try to structure things the best i can, i cannot promise i’ll succeed! but hopefully this is an enjoyable reply nonetheless.
one of my favorite things about rocky and wick’s relationship is absolutely how aggressive rocky is towards the aristocrat ; he is prone to glares and cruel jokes and borderline hissing whenever the man is within his line of sight, or can be brought to a wailing-fit over the mere mention of his name from miss m’s mouth. there is a childishness to it, but a very prominent threat as well in spite of rocky’s usual incompetence. so he goes out of his way to posture around wick, readily lying and adorning himself with the gangster drapes he so badly wants to wear, in the hopes that it intimidates … will even badmouth wick’s family and make fun of his name and rock related obsession to mitzi, and so on so forth! yet all of this is very reminiscent of schoolyard bullying rather than anything too severe, though we as the audience understand rather quickly that rocky would bash wick’s head in with a tire iron if he could. ( translation : if it wouldn’t earn the tears or hate of a certain beloved mitzi may ) and it’s all very intense despite the absence of actual violence! and i understand why many fans see this as unusual for rocky and believe that it’s only wick who makes him act so aggressively, but i’d argue it isn’t really wick at all that prompts such scary reactions from him … and that rocky is a deeply angry character who’s a.) been boiling quietly for a long, long time and b.) has turned wick into a punching bag of sorts for this inner world of resentment and hurt. basically, when he’s judging the well-to-do or poking fun, his eyes don’t look at wick and actually acknowledge him as sedgewick sable ; instead this is a being, something vague and metaphorical, who threatens to upseat rocky’s permanence in the lackadaisy and steal away his savior, and he’s had a hand in the violinist’s misfortune for a long time.
obviously, rocky doesn’t think wick robbed him of his family twice over and made him homeless, but he is channeling the fear and anguish of those events into his loathing for wick, if that makes sense? it’s easier that way -- to finally have an outlet for everything bleeding inside of you, to be able to bite and claw at something without feeling conflicted or having to take personal accountability for your own mistakes … which is something that i think rocky does struggle with to a degree. he is sort of a finger pointer! his pain has to be worth something, it has to be for someone else ; spending years homeless and losing his last bit of family was for freckle, and the scrambling of his literal brain was for mitzi, and that means he can’t ever be angry with them! well, except that he is, somewhat, but he buries it deep down instead of feeling it. with freckle there is a sense of strain between them -- an air of ‘you owe me’ from rocky to freckle as he uses freckle to appease miss m, and he constantly pokes fun at his cousin too. it’s lighter than his jabs at wick, but there’s a constant pestering, a reminder of how good freckle has it : how he’s got the mom and the house and the job and the girl most notably. i don’t think rocky is intending to come across as mean, and to his credit he hardly does! but it’s rather clear to me that some part of him, some hidden and deeply hurt part, is rather indignant about taking the fall for freckle all those years ago. which he can’t understand, because how could he? he made that choice, he decided to take accountability for something he didn’t do because he loves freckle and knows it’d be so easy to believe this family tragedy was roark’s fault ; the devilish child he was, all troublesome and too broken to properly fit anywhere. so there is a disconnect born here, where rocky can’t comprehend that he’d be angry at freckle, so instead these not so great feelings are placed elsewhere and silently boil over time. and with mitzi … i don’t think he’s angry at her per se, but there is a frustrated and desperate chorus of : why him and why not me, when i’m the one out here dying for you? which is certainly unpleasant. of course, rather than allowing those feelings to be more aimed at miss m, whom he feels unloved by, he ( again! ) represses these emotions and allows them to fester into his greatest fears and fantastical complexes. i think there is a lot of other miscellaneous anger he could have towards others too … perhaps some part of him is sore upon seeing ivy’s normal lifestyle, watching her go to university and knowing that’s been taken from him. or an ache felt when hearing stories from zib and the band and how they used to travel successfully, living as nomads, and rocky is all too reminded of his similar lifestyle and how he couldn’t make it work as effortlessly. people with immense trauma are more prone to irrational anger and jealousy, to viewing everything around them as unfair and believing it’s even more unjust that so many people get to live comfortably while they’ve suffered. a situation that gets more messy when you’re someone like rocky, a man who’s willingly made choices that have harmed himself and wants to continue on with his smiling, bumbling fool of an act. he does not want to be angry, does not want to see it within himself, i think, which leads to an accidental increase of it.
all of this is to reiterate that wick is a scapegoat for rocky and nothing more. it’s why he’s rather hypocritical whenever it concerns the man. for example, it was stated by tracy that he looks down upon wick for his excessive presence at the bar, yet he appears to enjoy hanging out with zib -- who drinks just as often! he makes fun of how all wick ever talks about is rocks, when he himself is prone to poetry rambles that people find irritating or boring, and etc etc. this is also just a human nature thing, to critique someone you heavily dislike and even going as far as to belittle things you love or do in your own day to day because you just hate them that bad! but given rocky’s willingness to befriend anyone, it more so reeks of a dehumanization element. wick is every obstacle in his way, every divine force that threatens to send him packing again, so he is equal parts unnerved by wick’s presence and angry about it. it is mostly a fear response we are seeing, an emotion that’s morphed into long held resentment and anger. so his actions are extremely defensive, with him trying to push wick far away and keep him and mitzi separate, like some sort of animal attempting to ward off a threat that’s come too close to their home. despite the loaded animosity there, this hate has hardly reached its peak … but it shall only grow more intense as things continue onward i’m afraid, since as it stands ( in the comic at least ) rocky is at an all time low … and is ten times more desperate. i’d honestly say wick has become so warped in his mind’s eye that he can only strive towards ‘winning’ over the other man, because that’s all he can see anymore. i think mitzi implying that wick willingly helped her out, the intense head injury, and rocky’s fragile emotional state is exactly what pushes him towards premeditated murder in look-see. i don’t know how people perceive that arc, but to me it’s very clear that rocky actively sought to see the deaths of wes and fish that night. going as far as to lament that he’d be, “very disappointed if ( he ) dreamed them,” and purposefully luring the marigold duo away to have freckle pick them off. while you could argue that this was a smart move, in a gangster sort of sense, there’s still no denying that rocky is oddly chipper about the whole thing and is now seeking death out ; whereas before his methods of vengeance were just, well, ruining people’s livelihood but ultimately leaving them alive. this isn’t to discredit the fact that rocky is going through something! he is in a very muddled and dark place, mentally and physically, but even tracy has said that the head injury hasn’t changed rocky’s personality -- it’s only brought things to the surface.
source : q&a with tracy .
which, yeah! makes sense! head trauma can cause a person to become a wreck emotionally ( think mood swings, irritability, etc ) but it doesn’t completely morph someone either. personality changes may occur, but it’s not like you’re being rewritten entirely, you know? and given tracy’s old statement, it’s clear that ‘personality changes’ aren’t a side effect he’s suffering from. something that adds to my beginning statement, which is that rocky is a deeply angry and troubled person, more so than fans give him any credit for.
however, to touch upon your mini opinion about these two, i actually wholeheartedly agree that rocky and wick could become friends if circumstances were different. they do in fact have many superficial similarities, but one of the more prominent things they deeply share is never really belonging in the groups they frequent. this is more overt with rocky’s character, yet wick faces it too in subtle ways. the well-to-do crowd, seen through the investors, find the gentleman to be lacking in about every place imaginable ; to them he is an obsessive freak who cares too deeply for meager rocks, something they constantly mock him for, while he’s also being noticeably set apart from the rest of them … he seems younger than the investors, more excitable, passionate, and a little less experienced, and doesn’t seem to care for money or reputation as much as them either. there is a constant rubbing between him and them, where what he enjoys is seen as wrong, such as his love for the lackadaisy and his choice in paramor, a grieving widow with extremely dangerous ties. we also know that wick doesn’t have many friends at all, with the only two he has being lacy and church ( church is listed as such on his character profile, in a sort of tongue-in-cheek way ), both of whom work for or with him. they are obliged to hang around, and while they care in varying ways, they are prone to judging him just as much. honestly, it’s not shocking that wick seeks refuge at his chosen speakeasy! but even there he is rather distant from everyone else. he doesn’t speak to zib ever in the comics, nor seems all too close with viktor, ivy, or horatio … it is merely mitzi he is close to, even if he knows of the other people who work there. and, once again, wick very obviously doesn’t fit in. he is not gangster material, could never be an atlas may replacement, much less someone who could get his paws dirty in such an active way. so he has his feet in two different worlds and doesn’t know how to fit into either of them, or which one he actually wants to fit into more. i think in many ways rocky could relate -- these are two very lonely people who wish to belong somewhere and be accepted by some group or another but go about it in all the wrong ways. wick, who is too hesitant to fully commit to what he wants and is worse off for it, and then rocky, who obsessively throws himself against what he wants until he breaks every bone in his body. they also have explosives to bond over, lol, and other miscellaneous things like their taste in women i suppose … but this potential bond adds to the tragedy of lackadaisy, where we see two people who on every level should get along but we’re burdened with the knowledge that it’s an impossibility anyway, because there’s no removing the circumstance of which they’re in.
though i like to believe that despite wick’s fear of rocky, he maintains a kindness towards him regardless. i think his worries about rocky are rather surface level … he doesn’t know the boy at all, really, and thus can’t make heads or tails of him, hence him believing the lie in balderdash. so when i’m feeling particularly self indulgent, i like imagining a world where they’re forced together and sort of ‘stuck’ together ; to which rocky finally breaks and exposes his wounds to wick, in every sense of the word, and wick finally gets him. the aggression, the possessiveness of mitzi … it is all fear and desperation and a profound sadness, things he’d sympathize with. if rocky was able to explain that he loathes wick because if he saves the lackadaisy then mitzi won’t need him anymore and that it’s not fair that wick gets to so easily fix things when rocky would give his soul for his home, for her, and how wick could render every sacrifice he’s already made for naught by smoothing things over with some greenbacks and he can’t lose this, he just can’t --! … which, well, wick is too kind of a man to be able to do anything except feel awful, even though it’s not his fault at all. here we have two people who could coexist! and they should, since rocky logically can’t do every speakeasy job ( band member, rumrunner, mitzi’s shadow, also the guy who gets the money for the hooch ) by himself, just like how wick can’t save the lackadaisy with only his cash and limited booze stash. it’d be a joint cooperation, a collaboration between them, both equally important in the grand scheme of crime’s every turning wheel … but rocky’s rage and fear won’t let him see that, and likely never will. still, in scenarios where everything ends up alright for the lackadaisy and the people involved in it ( which is not how canon will go, by the way ), i fancy wick and rocky getting better within their relationship. rocky will always be prickly and quick to upset around the other man sadly, but perhaps he could see wick in a softer kind of light. or at least understand vaguely enough that he isn’t out to get rocky, so to speak. and then maybe wick learns that pancakes soothe rocky’s ire and poorly makes them anytime he wishes to talk to the man, and other fun things like that! but you should have more confidence in your character analysis skills, because you were spot on ( at least in my eyes ) about them potentially getting along if things were different. it’s certainly a fun aspect to play around with, and is important to note when discussing their relationship so you can fully understand just how warped rocky’s perspective on things are. and how unstable and traumatized he is too, of course </3 sidenote, but i also hope that throughout everything i’ve said here, or anything i’ve said before on my blog, that my love for rocky and my own sympathy for him comes across well enough. while he’s deeply flawed and i have no qualms discussing said flaws in depth, i also don’t think of him as some insane freak who’s evil at his core or anything like that. honestly, i adore analyzing him so much as a character because of how far down his issues go! he’s very well written, i’ll say, as is wick and many of the other characters, but i digress.
once more, thank you for the ask! i’ll end this here because i fear if i don’t i’ll start going in circles, since their relationship is so vast and very important for rocky in a character sense. hopefully i shed some more light on it though! i love these two to bits and pieces and i wouldn’t be half as invested in lackadaisy if their dynamic wasn’t so monumental -- at least to me.
#my asks.#lackadaisy analysis.#lackadaisy#rocky rickaby#sedgewick sable#tracy j butler#i also think rocky’s sudden taste for marigold blood is him making marigold his other scapegoat#he isn’t dealing with anything in a healthy manner and is so traumatized it’s starting to spill out of him … which is. uh. not good!!#but it sure is what’s currently happening regardless#cannot stress enough that rock is a very ill and traumatized individual who hasn’t had a single break in his life#he is constantly in stressful situations that are dangerous … and like.#when you’re constantly put in those situations you become numb. and angry. and it becomes hard to heal#or to truly connect to others … etc#i could talk in depth about rocky’s traumas and why they’ve caused this anger issue and this inner disharmony inside#because frankly there’s a lot there! and i hate to say it but people who are hurt normally show their hurt in ugly ways#especially if mentally ill … which rocky is imo#it’s just the reality of things! this isn’t me demonizing mental illness or the effects of trauma. i’m just being realistic here#someone as deeply troubled as rocky ( someone with NO outlet and whom hides his feelings from others and himself )#is bound to be. well. troubled!! his smiling facade is merely another mask he wears to cope and to be good for the people he loves#it is not … really rocky rickaby … rocky rickaby is that and the wrath and the self destruction and more#AHEM but i digress. how rocky treats wick and all that has really done wonders for understanding his character#and i truly love the wick / rocky / mitzi trio so bad. their relationships with each other is what drew me into this world#like. i am shaking them so much. the overlap!! the complexities inherit in their bonds and what that says about the individual characters!#it’s amazing truly lol like … i have had such fun thinking about them twenty four seven for the past three-ish months#anyway. anyway! i love analyzing these bitches. they can fit so much into them#and i’m rooting for wickmitzi endgame and for wick to desperately try to bond with rocky … while his bloodshot eye is twitching as we speak#lots of fun!!! lots of pain and agony too … rocky is nothing but a painful character alas. that is his nature. but that is also his appeal#and ooops i’ll shut up in the tags now i just. have a lot to say. and a lotta love to give to these two!! but uh. yeah <3 loved writing thi
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So I’ve had this scene rotating in my brain as if my brain was a microwave
#the context is that Flowerboi often hallucinates his past self#or more accurately how he sees his past self#it’s basically the embodiment of everything he hates about himself#and it says stuff like that#the song is ‘Evil Like Me’ from Descendants#flowerboi#goddess!earth eclipse#goddess!earth au#tsams#tsams eclipse#sun and moon show#tsams au
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