#past rexsoka

[ahsokaanakinrexorobi-wan]

STILL IN A UNIVERSE WHERE AHSOKA DIED IN A RANDOM BATTLE 3 WEEKS AFTER THE BATTLE

Anakin: you doing okay rex

Rex: *slaps anakin* don't ever ask a stupid question like that again

Anakin: rex I'm about to let stitches kill you

Rex: is that an option

Anakin: no

Rex: disappointing if I die I could join ahsoka jax and nebula

Anakin: I'm going to go bother Obi-Wan so I can bring Cody here

*anakin leaves*

A few hours later

Cody: alright I'm here

Rex: yay my batchmate is here

Cody: your being sarcastic

Rex: yes I am

Cody: I don't even know why I'm here

Rex: good so leave

Cody: no

Rex: *leaves*

Cody: he is not good at coping

Anakin: no he is not

Obi-Wan: why is he depressed

Anakin: oh right I never told you

Obi-Wan: what

Anakin: ahsoka and rex were in a relationship

Obi-Wan: what

Anakin: yeah

Obi-Wan: alright

Cody: can I leave yet

Anakin: yes both of you leave

A few more hours later

Rex: *walks into his quarters*

*rex lays down on the bed picks up a picture of ahsoka and cries himself to sleep*

[rexsokaficquotes]

He gazed down at the female togruta who just laid there watching them. Walking down the dune, Jesse snarled while Fives looked ready to pounce. With a huff, Rex stood tall looking up at the female where she laid on the rock.

“You have one of my baby brothers.” Rex growls showing teeth.

The female squinted down at him for a few moments, “You're not ready to survive out here.” She looked behind him at his pack, “None of you were ready for the harsh life of the desert.”

— RedWolf9481, from Chapter 2: Chapter 2 in ‘Journey to a new home’

[redsong]

Fanart of my fave fic by @ahsokathegray that feels like it’s being written with my very own headcanons:

[chocmarss]

In Which No Bed is Made

Summary:

“Shag,” Rex growls.

“And just like that,” Bo-Katan Kryze drawls out. “I know you’re still kissing Ahsoka with that mouth.”

Kriff, Kanan thinks, resisting the urge to grimace. This is getting messier by the day.

star wars rebels. rexsoka. post-mission to malachor. canon compliant. POV outsider. past bosoka. rated T. 4k words.

It ends before it begins, in the most literal sense possible, with a bang.

Kanan knows his way around with some explosives, can pick one up and shut it down if Sabine isn’t there with them to do the job, and that it’s one minute away from blowing them all up to pieces. He’s been a teenager who’s made questionable decisions at some time or another too, and there are certain things that need to be learned hands-on, so to speak.

Especially when you’re a survivor of a genocide that killed your entire family. There aren’t anymore Jedi Masters who can fill his hours with teaching the ways of the Jedi properly, fully, like they used to. Kanan’s using all that time to run from the Empire and to make sure he survives through the days.

Anyway, Little Caleb Dume learned it a long time ago after all, and this is when Grey’s old teachings of dismantling and reconstructing a flash bomb would come into play.

I’m not gonna let you handle a real bomb, he’d say. The General will kill me if she finds out. You’ll be handling the baby-locked ones.

Though, Kanan thinks that Padawan Dume would have agreed with him when he says that the excessive amount of deadly fireworks currently at work is a bit too much. It is considered his luck that they aren’t the ones making it happen.

Not that he can see the way they make pretty colors in the sky, but something no doubt is exploding then, from how the ground shakes and the hills groan. There’s even a little jiggle in the Force, as if it requires his attention, but it’s not bad enough that it’ll implode from the inside out.

And it’s coming from the direction of the factory they’re supposed to infiltrate.

READ MORE ON AO3

[snips2112]

Might I pretty please request prompt 40 for rexsoka!!

Ahh thank you for the ask and your patience! I am sorry it took so long to write this. I've added a healthy dose of Rex-centric angst and hurt/comfort for you, so i hope that makes up for the long wait!

This fic is set a couple years after they part at the end of TCW, sometime during when Rex is gathering his forces on Teth.

The fic is a little longer than planned so the full text is below the cut!

Beside You

Kiss Roulette Prompt 40: Impulsive Kiss

Pairing: Rexsoka

Word Count: 1,500

Rex sat up, desperately gasping for air, arms shaking as he trained his pistols on the clone troopers holding the med bay door open. He had to do it. He had to save her. To save them, both of them.

GoodsoldiersfollowordersGoodsoldiersfolloworders-

The blaster shots rang out in his mind, shattering the dream and suddenly he was sitting up on his bunk all over again, gasping for air and training his empty, outstretched arms towards the wall.

Rex wasn’t sure how long he remained frozen in that position. His breathing was ragged and his heart hammered so speedily behind his ribs he was sure it would stop of fatigue. An uncomfortable mixture of terror, guilt and relief ran through his veins, as clear and palpable as it had been on the day Order 66 had come through. 

Trying desperately to control his breathing and calm his rapid heartbeat, he swung his legs over the side of the bunk. The stone floors of the monastery on Teth were cool beneath his feet, but the sensation did nothing to ground him. His breath still came in short, shallow gasps. His hands trembled in his lap. Hands that were covered in the blood of his brothers-

Rex squeezed his eyes shut tight, balling his shaking hands into fists. Wrangling for control of himself once more, he forced his focus to his breath. 

In through the nose, out through the mouth. In, hold for four seconds. Out, hold for four seconds. Repeat. Repeat. Re-

A knock at his door had him drawing in another sharp breath, ruining his methodical pattern and sending his heart rate skyrocketing once more. 

He forced another shaky breath past his lips, screwing his eyes shut tighter and hoping that whomever was at the door would be on their way shortly when he didn’t answer. He couldn’t speak right now. His voice was lost between the panicked, stilted breaths he desperately tried to pull in and out of his chest.

The knock came again, making him wince, but the voice, soft and sweet to his ears, made his heart marginally calmer.

“Rex?” Ahsoka’s voice was muffled through the door. “Are you alright?”

Rex tried to find his voice, but when he opened his mouth the words wouldn’t come. He hoped beyond hope that Ahsoka would leave him in peace, but he worried such a desire would be in vain. 

She’d stood by him, through all of it. He’d nearly killed her, and she’d never once wavered in her faith or support of him. He shuddered, remembering the days after, left with only each other for comfort. The way she’d cried in his arms on that little forgotten farming planet. The way he’d cried in hers. 

He could feel tears behind his eyes now, and attempted to blink them away, but when he opened his eyes he found his breath was stuck in his chest as the horror gripped him anew. His hands were covered in blood. His brothers’ blood. He stood and shook them, backing towards the wall at the other side of the room. 

Suddenly, his foot caught on something, one of his boots perhaps, lined up neatly beside his bunk, and he stumbled, falling hard onto his backside with a thud and a low groan. But all he could think about was his hands. His hands. His brothers were gone, it was his fault myfaultmyfault-

“Rex?”

Startled, he jumped, eyes flicking to Ahsoka standing in his doorway, backlit by the illuminators in the hallway. Something told him she wanted to rush to his side, but she approached him cautiously, kneeling before him. He caught the concerned look on her face before the door snapped shut, leaving them in darkness. He could only just make out her face in the blue glow from the chrono, sitting on the ledge beside his bunk.

“Hey now, it’s okay,” Ahsoka assured him, her voice calm and gentle. She reached out, taking his hand in hers and pulling it so it rested against her chest. “You’re going to be okay, Rex. Just breathe with me.”

He nodded, unable to do anything but breathe and focus on holding back the tears that were clouding the corners of his vision, threatening to spill over.

As Ahsoka instructed him, she took her other hand and carded her fingers through his hair. Or more accurately rubbed her hands against the short, soft strands. Rex briefly cursed himself for cutting his hair short again. He missed the feel of her fingers playing with his curls.

Closing his eyes, Rex leaned into her touch and followed her voice as she continued her quiet, reassuring instruction. Slowly, his breathing evened out, and his heart returned to a more normal rhythm. 

Somehow in the interim, Ahsoka had found her way onto the ground, just behind him, and he was now lying against her chest, his head resting on her shoulder as she continued running her fingers over his hair, and her other hand remaining locked in his. 

Finally, he managed to find his voice.

“Thanks, ‘Soka.”

“You alright? Do you want to talk about it?”

Her voice was so near to his head her lips were nearly at his ear, he reckoned. He shook his head but held his breath, wanting to feel her lips against the side of his head, though he knew it wouldn’t come. It had been too long. Their relationship had changed. Their feelings still ran deep, but after so many years apart, it was different.

He cursed himself for leaving. He missed her so much.

“You can talk to me, you know.” Her nose brushed the side of his head, and he could have sworn she held him a little tighter. He traced circles against the back of her hand, selfishly leaning a little closer. Ahsoka adjusted her position, pressing her cheek to the top of his head.

“Tell me,” she murmured, an open invitation, not an order.

Rex contemplated. The Tribunal. His brothers. The med bay, the chip-

“I can’t right now,” he rasped, shuddering in her arms. “But you know of it.”

His hands shook again. Ahsoka nodded against the top of his head.

“Your brothers?” She guessed correctly. All Rex could do was nod.

“I’m sorry.” She was quiet for a moment. Then, “Rex I… thank you.”

His brow furrowed. He didn’t get it. She was the one comforting him.

“For… what?”

“For choosing to save my life.”

Her voice was quiet and thick. Rex felt his heart twist in his chest as tears clouded his vision once more. He didn’t know what to say. The phrase that came to mind was ‘of course’ but he couldn’t force the words past the tears in his throat. He felt guilty for his actions, but he’d never once regretted saving Ahsoka. It was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do, yet it had been the easiest choice he’d ever made. 

Ahsoka’s fingers left his hair and found their way beneath his chin, turning his head to meet her eyes. He could see her gratitude clear in her blue gaze, and the sorrow in the tears that rolled down her face. Still, he couldn’t find his voice to answer her, to comfort her. 

So, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. She was stiff at first, surprised, but she kissed him back without hesitation. Rex relished in the feeling of her lips on his, moving slowly to savor the moment. 

Wrapping one arm around her waist, he cradled her rear lek with the other hand, pulling her against him and deepening their kiss. Ahsoka responded in kind, melting into his embrace.

When they finally broke apart he pressed their foreheads together, holding her close.

“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have done that-“

“It’s alright, Rex.” Her breath was warm against his lips, and he shivered. “I feel it too.”

Rex nodded and just held her close. After a while, Ahsoka shifted, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek and then whispering in his ear, “You should sleep. We have quite the day ahead of us.”

“Stay with me,” Rex whispered, ghosting his lips over her montrals, unable to let her go. “I sleep better beside you.”

“I sleep better beside you too,” Ahsoka confessed, nodding and pressing a fleeting kiss to his temple.

Without another word they situated themselves on Rex’s bunk, old habits returning as they fell into a familiar position. 

As Rex tucked her into his arms, settling his chin between his montrals, he pretended like things could go back to how they were before. He pretended that tomorrow morning wouldn’t mean a return to their new commands in the rebellion, he as the leader of his troop of clones, she as Fulcrum. The only thing he did not pretend was that he still loved her. No matter what changed, Rex knew his love for Ahsoka would never fade. He fell into a deep, dreamless sleep with that comforting thought at the forefront of his mind.

[guardian-angel12]

Flames {Rexsoka}

Prompt: They’ll hear us/you

@rexsoka-monthly

Mandalore was in flames. 

The city burned at the same time, so did Rex's heart. 

All his Mandalorian roots seemed to scream as he watched the destruction, an orange hue cast over his shielded face and making eerie shadows dance across his visor and armor, like the ghosts of the past katarn armor-wearers giving their final breath. 

He knew somewhere deep inside that this place would fall to ruin, something about the thick smoke that rose into the dark blue night and disappeared into the stars. 

Maul may have been captured, but he knew that wasn't the end. 

He breathed a small Mandalorian blessing out over the edge of the balcony he stood on and turned around, blinking back the angry tears that rose into his eyes, but not with much effort when he felt his entire being soften. 

She was waiting there. He felt that tingle inside his chest the moment he turned around. 

"I'm sorry, Rex." Ahsoka said softly, her face not in view yet for the shadows, but he made out her frame, lithe and disciplined and beautiful... her colors contrasting with the horrors of fire and smoke and battle. 

"You completed the mission. That's all that matters." he replied, voice filtered of his sadness through his helmet, but she sensed it. 

"We should get back to the others, we're leaving soon." she said, eyes flickering around his face and going down until they stayed on the ground. 

He only nodded, following behind his commander with a slow and steady stride. 

Whatever citizen she claimed to be now, whatever nomad, she would always be his commander, always be the one who earned his respect more and more every day and every time he saw her.

The Tribunal was filled with people, soldiers, officers, and droids alike, ready to leave the planet as Maul was escorted by a few Mandalorians inside a special Jedi holding chamber. 

Rex felt... odd about it, although he knew Ahsoka had handled the Sith apprentice herself, and that she was more than capable, something about still having the monster near her bothered him. 

I should've been there. 

It was all he kept thinking, again and again he felt like he should have been there. 

Ahsoka was led off by a few higher-ups in need of her assistance, and Rex was left alone, pondering. 

Jesse met to speak with him but he knew he wasn't being himself, something about all of this was bothering him, but he knew the main reason was not the fact that his heritage planet was in shambles. No. It was something else, and he felt like perhaps he knew what it was but still the confusion swirling in his head was overwhelming. 

Before he even registered what he was doing or where he even was he met her in the briefing room, an empty hologram table before her as she stood there staring at it, looking lost in a past time and memory. 

Ahsoka felt him before he'd even been close enough for the doors to open for him, sensing his soft hum in the Force that told her he was alive, but sometimes it told her things she didn't want to know, let her feel his pain and his confusion and his sadness. 

She wanted to take it away. She wanted him to have a normal life, a life without war and heartache and loss. Wanted him to have a choice. Whatever he truly wanted in this life, in this vast galaxy that had become so grim. 

"A—are you okay?" Rex asked quietly, watching her from behind. 

"I will be." she turned around, and found that his eyes were distant, lost. "And you?"

His chest tightened, and it was getting hard to breathe, but he just needed to get it out and try to fix himself, try to let himself focus again and just do his duty without feeling like only half his mind was there. "I can't answer that."

"What do you mean?"

The way instant concern flooded her big, starry blue eyes made him feel both worse and better. But she took a step forward, almost like she was worried he had been hurt and decided not to tell her. 

"I just... Some things happened today, and with that and everything else, I don't feel right."

"What things? Mandalore?" Truthfully, she just wanted to run to him, throw her arms around his neck and tell him it was going to be alright, that it would get better from here. 

Tell him what she had been battling with besides the Sith and the Death Watch, and that thing was him. Him, invading her heart and her letting him. 

At war with something she welcomed.

"That's... part of it. But you—when you fought Maul, I should've been there, and if something had happened—something had gone wrong, I—''

Ahsoka shook her head slowly. "Rex—"

"No, please... I, I need to say it. When you left, everything changed, all this," he gestured around the room like he was gesturing to the entire galaxy, his grip on his helmet under his arm getting tighter and then he squeezed his free hand into a tight fist. "it changed, it hasn't felt the same since. And then you came back, General Skywalker told me you were and—and I didn't know how to take it, but I wanted you to, but as soon as I saw you something else changed, and now I... I can't help but think about what you'll do when all this is over, when you leave."

Ahsoka wore a sad expression, but inside she was burning up, she knew he was strong, knew he tried to put his duties first and ignore his personal feelings and emotions but she also knew he was starving, knew he was pining and so was she, but seeing him like this...so unsure of himself and almost like he was guilty, it broke her heart even as she searched for the right words and the right actions. 

A thousand things came to mind that she wanted to say or do, but let him stand there in silence, searching for what he needed to say, what else he needed to get out. 

"I just..." Rex seemed like he was choking. "I won't lose you again. I can't."

That broke her stillness, and she walked straight to him, searching his face and finding all the pain. "Rex..." she said his name like it was the most precious thing, something she cherished with all her heart, and his eyes lifted to meet hers even as they looked down to her shorter form, staring deep into her beautiful face and trying to remember each and every detail. Every line, every pore. He didn't want to go without it. Without her. 

Ahsoka lifted her hands up and gently placed them on the sides of his chest plate, brushing her fingers down and stroking the tiny pock marks of battle and tracing the lines war had left. "You know I never wanted to leave you."

He swallowed hard. "I know." 

"I am sorry. Leaving... it was one of the hardest things ive ever done, mostly for one reason..."

His eyes were questioning, but he asked anyways, voice so quiet it sounded raw. "What?"

Ahsoka breathed in through her nose deeply, eyes flickering down then up again. "This one." 

Then she snatched the sides of his face and slammed her mouth up against his, making him drop his helmet in surprise, stumbling only a little backwards and his hand lifted up, freezing near her head.

He kissed back eagerly, a million sparks seeming like they reignited in his dying fire of a soldiers heart. He put his hand on her cheek, his other on her back like he was trying to keep her there, like she was his and the only thing that mattered. 

She finally pulled back, but stayed so close he could feel her warm breath stirring against his mouth. "I thought of you every day." she murmured. 

He ran his thumb across the white streak on her jaw, not having anything left to say but finally feeling that yearning being met, that wildfire finally being fueled not with sadness and longing but with passion and love that he knew was most likely forbidden to both him and her.

He wasn't exactly sure what he was doing, but the instincts inside of him took over as he cupped her face again, kissing her with every bit of the loneliness he'd felt since he last saw her. With every word he had wanted to say to her since they had last spoke. Her small frame was pushed back from his careless affection, until she was clasping her hand against the rim of the table and finally took his shoulders and turned him around, pushing him down onto it where his armor clanked hard against the surface, but she just kept pursuing with her lips even as he let out a breathy laugh.

"They'll hear you, cyar'ika." he whispered into her mouth. 

"So what?" she purred back, gripping his shoulders with a wicked little grin that made his entire body heat with that fire, knowing completely and entirely that she was that one thing he wanted most in the galaxy.

[ahsokathegray]

Rain Over Me

Pairing: Rexsoka

Prompt: Rexsoka Monthly Dec. ‘23 - Unexpected Encounters

Summary: When it rains, it pours. At least, that’s how Rex had always heard it. But he soon finds even the most dreadful of rains give life back to that which lacks it.

Tags: angst, bittersweet, rainy confessions, lost without each other, established relationship, post bad batch

Word Count: 3,426

A/N: this was just an excuse to write sad, lonely Rex with a reunion in the rain and I’m only somewhat sorry (@rexsoka-monthly)

read on ao3! / masterlist

The wood on the dusty, old shack was darker now with the onslaught of rain. Its months dry boards drank in the water and was hydrated once more, appearing to be in its prime again if only until the rain cleared. In more ways than one, it had been a dreary summer and the rain was much needed.

Rex had grown fond of the little restaurant — if one could call it that.

It wasn’t kept up to standards, he was most certain. He’d only seen someone sweep the place once. It was a sad little place, but comforting in its own right. The only faces that were constant here were those of the owner or the employees. Rex never saw anyone else twice.

Maybe he saw a bit of himself in the old shack — weary, unkempt, a stranger to itself, lacking energy.

He wasn’t an old man, no, the cure had stopped all that. But he did feel like it, and he’d always look older than his true age. Seventeen years of life didn’t reflect what he felt in his joints, what he recalled in his mind, what was on his false chain code, and what he saw when he looked back at himself in the mirror.

Yeah. Like the shack in the rain, he felt he was falsely young in appearance. It felt wrong not to age so quickly anymore, even though it was the most normal part of human life.

Rex carded a few fingers through his short, blonde curls, wicked the rain off his coat, and ascended the creaky steps. He took a menu, even though he knew he’d order the same thing as always, and seated himself at his usual booth.

The owner, who was old, wordlessly brought him a steaming cup of caf.

“I see we are past the point of asking now,” Rex observed, a corner of his mouth turning up.

A raspy laugh filled the stale, humid air, “What can I say? You’re my favorite regular, Rex!”

The other corner of Rex’s mouth raised, “I’m your only regular, Mr. Kip.”

“And a damn good tipper too,” the Ithorian man smiled, winking before walking back into the kitchen.

Well, he had nothing else to spend his credits on.

Rex scanned the menu items as if he didn’t already have the selections memorized. Even the daily special was the same every single day. Nothing changed and he found he had no qualms about that. After years of unpredictability and pushing his body, mind, and heart to their limits of strain, he found peace in the monotony of routine.

After much deliberation, Rex settled on the Single Sun Breakfast to no surprise. He half expected his meal to be brought out without confirmation, but old Kip stopped back by to make sure anyway.

He could get used to it — the not talking. It was rare he did much of it anyway these days, what with living alone. And, truly, he did enjoy the company of the staff, but the more minimal the interactions the better. Getting attached to people was a flaw he would never risk again. Losing so many loved ones in such a small frame of time would prompt anyone to make such vows.

Rex very much hoped there was a version of himself out there that hadn’t sworn it off, that he was happy and surrounded by those he held dear.

His fork was turned around in his fingers as he tried to ignore the fact he’d finally acknowledged that he was unhappy. It had been that way for years now and it was difficult to revisit the last time the opposite had been true.

It had been warm on Mandalore, when rumors of the war ending sparked hope rather than memories of almost; when battle felt good and he felt invincible and life had been first punctuated by something like love and a woman like her.

Squeezing the cutlery, he set it back down and threaded his fingers together, glancing out the condensating window instead.

Rain came down violently onto the flora just outside the establishment, but pattered softly on the windowsill. Every now and then, a drop found its way inside, or perhaps it was the water droplets still clinging to his hair. Oh, if that illustrious Captain could see him now. That version of himself would disapprove immensely of so many things — but his hair would be at the top of the list.

He did not wish to remind himself of what came second and was thankful when he spotted his plate emerging from the kitchen. His breakfast was brought out with little fanfare and looked as if always did. This pleased him.

As he ate, he thought of what he needed to get done in the upcoming week. He needed to give the old Y-wing a fresh coat of paint; the Republic and medic insignias were becoming visible again, as well as a damning shade of blue. The hole in the roof of his tiny home needed to be patched still. He kicked himself for not doing it sooner and added purchasing a bucket to his growing list.

Something like a laugh escaped him around a bite of rolled omelette, thinking about his helmet being used to collect water from a roof leak. It was when his head lifted up to do this that he saw a pair on montrals facing away from him, seated at a booth closer to the door.

There was a tightening in his lungs and the gaping hole in his heart was reopened; discarded of anything he’d ever used to cover it with. Rex swallowed hard and placed his head in his hands, counting as he regulated his breathing.

This happened every time he thought he saw her.

And, without fail, it was never her.

He ought to have internalized that by now. It had just been so long since the last time he mistook someone else for her. Lone Togrutas were not a sight seen often; they didn’t tend to stray very far from Kiros or Shili.

Rex wished that wasn't the case.

Seeing them more often might’ve kicked this fool’s hope earlier — the one that bubbled up violently inside him whenever he caught a glimpse of three lekku rather than the usual two or, like today, a set of montrals.

They were femininely shaped and blue, just like he knew hers to be, which didn’t help matters.

Getting up from the table to visit the refresher solely to see if it was her was something he was not going to let himself do. He had to get over this. He couldn’t let it control the trajectory of his day each time it happened.

Exhaling and centering himself, Rex finished his meal with a difficulty that hadn’t been present before and told himself his appetite was still there even though that was far from the case. Memories of similar breakfasts in similar restaurants with her bullied their way to the forefront of his mind. Small bouquets of freshly plucked flowers, dirt still clinging to them, being given to her and then placed in a cup of water from wherever they’d been eating.

Rex couldn’t help himself.

Once his plate was clear, he looked across the six booths that separated them. But the woman’s montrals were nowhere to be seen. Rex waited a little longer to see if she was just leaning down looking over a menu or taking a bite of food, but the montrals did not reappear.

Panic swept through him, his veins turning into hot plasma underneath his skin.

He rose promptly from his booth, eyes glued to the one she’d been at. Only a half finished mug of tea sat on the table. She never did like caf. His heart rate shifted into high gear and he made a beeline for the register, already fishing around in his pocket for credits, his fingers shaking.

“Oh, there’ll be no need today,” Kip said with a particularly pleased smile.

The hand in Rex’s pocket stilled and his heart leapt into his throat. “What do you mean?” His voice rattled as he spoke.

“Why, the young lady who just left covered your meal. Said to thank you for your service,” The Ithorian pointed to the entrance as the door slid closed.

For the first time in a long time, the world around Rex melted away and began to slow. Everything became muffled. The credit chits he had in his hand were placed onto the counter despite what the owner had just told him and before he could even tell them to do so, his feet were carrying him to the exit.

“Rex, what do you want me to do with this?”

“I don’t care,” he answered without looking back. “Pay it forward.”

Thick sheets of rain now came from the sky, pouring down so heavily that the world around him had turned white. The clouds flickered and thunder sounded, accompanied by angry strikes of lightning. Any footprints that might’ve been left behind in the mud had been washed away as quickly as they were made.

Whoever she was… she was gone.

A hand was clapped to his shoulder but Rex didn’t look down.

Kip sounded confused yet sympathetic. “She’s not gettin’ away in that, if that’s what you’re thinking.” The old man paused. “If you’re after her, I reckon’ she’ll be back again tomorrow.”

The hand was removed and Kip walked away, but Rex stayed frozen in the doorway. If it was her, he was doubtful she’d be back for breakfast the following morning. She could get away even in the most hopeless conditions.

Rex clenched his teeth, pulled his raincoat tighter and set out anyway.

It was like he hadn’t been living on Dantooine for the past year and a half. He was directionless, as if all the memorized paths, landmarks, and shops had been washed away with the rain. There was no departing vehicle, no lights, and no indicator of where the woman had gone.

Defeated, Rex looked up into the sky with his eyes closed, letting the rain fall over his face and streak through his hair. His chest had knotted itself and his knees threatened to buckle under the torrential downpour.

But Rex stood firmly, shoved his hands into his pockets, and let the rain soak him to the bone as he walked towards the small town.

He spent the remainder of his morning stopping by every establishment there was until the shopkeepers started closing up due to weather. The folks he did manage to speak with hadn’t seen her and each tried to hand him an umbrella or invite him inside until the storm passed.

He declined.

Straggling passersby still caught in the rain gave him funny looks as they ran to get to cover. Rex was in no such hurry.

The overgrown road that led to his tiny home was taken in the shortest possible strides. He did not wish to return there, especially not to a datapad he knew would have no messages on it. He had half a mind to turn back to the restaurant if he didn’t think they’d already closed up like everyone else.

Rex stepped into his home and was greeted by the sound of dripping water. He sighed deeply, unmoving in the doorway until he could suppress the viscous tears that taunted him behind closed lids. Once they were managed, his boots and raincoat were discarded, the mess from the leak was mopped, and his helmet was removed from its place under the bed to sit and collect the intruding water.

He watched the rain fill his bucket until it went past the visor before he fell into the awaiting embrace of sleep that was always there to help temporarily subside the pain.

More than anything, Rex wished he could say that he hadn’t woken up early, that he hadn’t gotten up before the neighbor’s nunas began to stir. He wished he could say it wasn’t in his plans to go sit up at the restaurant and wait all day to see if the woman turned up.

Really, he should be using his time to buy paint for his ship as well as a proper bucket for the leak, but neither of those things seemed to matter much at the prospect of running into her.

It was pathetic. He knew that.

He could’ve just saved himself all this trouble if he’d gotten up and used something as an excuse to see her face. But no, Rex chose to be strong when it mattered the absolute least.

His thin blanket felt as though it weighed ten tons when he rose out of bed, dreading vehemently the idea of waiting around all day for nothing — dreading the pit in his stomach he knew all too well when it wasn’t her after all and just some stranger. Rex’s feet hit the worn wooden floor and he rubbed his bleary eyes, aiming first for the refresher and then for his helmet.

A considerable amount of rainwater had been collected in the makeshift-not-makeshift bucket and more was being added still. The rain had yet to cease but it had slowed a great deal. He picked it up carefully and walked it to the door, yawning as he did so. Soft sheets of rain greeted his bare feet as the door slid aside, coming down now in a gentle shower-like way as opposed to yesterday’s storm.

Rex decided that when the rain stopped, he’d call it. He’d tie his mood to it, give himself an allotted period of time to feel this incessant pain before forcing it down again.

He swung his helmet to the left and watched as the water landed on his long-dead flowers, before looking out at the state of the rest of his yard.

The helmet nearly fell from his hands.

A hooded figure was inspecting his ship, an orange hand running across a partially revealed red sigil and skirting across blue paint. Any fleeting thoughts of making a grab for his blasters vanished. Rex knew that hand better than either of his own.

She turned and lifted slightly the hood of her cloak to get a better look at him.

There she was. Then she was as if no time at all had passed. As if she’d been down the road all along.

Ahsoka was dressed in that gray cloak he knew well, with lekku he used to know but that were now nearing her waist. Her montrals were taller than they were last time. He wondered if they’d be eye to eye this time, and if looking her in the eyes would still feel the same as it always did, as he wanted it to — needed it to.

Even from this distance, he could see her bottom lip quiver.

“I had to be sure,” she called out over the rain.

Rex struggled to speak, suffering from having too many words in his mouth and yet not at all.

She glanced back at the Y-wing behind her and ran a hand over the chipped paint job, revealing a bit more of that 501st blue.

“I knew your face as soon as I walked into the restaurant yesterday, but I wasn’t certain that it was the one… that it was the one I had loved,” she continued.

He joined her in the rain now. It was cold on his bare shoulders and worse as it streaked down his torso, but he didn’t shiver, nor did he care he’d be tracking yet more water inside. Rex’s chest tightened and his mouth dried. “Loved? As in the past tense?” he called, water beading on his hair and lashes. Not all of it was from the rain.

Ahsoka shook her head, droplets running off her lekku.

The pause between them was occupied by the steady fall of rain.

“You know the worst thing about love?” he asked.

She nodded, looking briefly at her feet, “That you remember it.”

Rex’s tongue pressed into his cheek and he nodded with her, “I knew from the moment we parted the first time that I’d spend a lifetime missing you.” He waited a bit. “It’s proved true so far. Each time it gets worse.”

He couldn’t tell her tears from the rain, but knew that she was crying. Rex was always aware that it hadn’t ever hurt any less for her. “I never intended it to be that way,” she called.

“I know.”

She stepped closer, weighing her words. “Rex, the hardest thing I’ve ever done is walk away still madly in love with you. There’s not a minute that goes by that I don’t regret it — that I don’t sit and wonder about what you do each day.”

“Well currently, it’s wishing I’d gotten up as soon as I saw you sitting at that booth. I’d know your montrals anywhere. Convinced myself it wasn’t you.”

“And before that?”

“Wishing I never let you say goodbye.”

She swallowed hard. “I have a lot to make up for. I know that. And I know this doesn’t begin to cover it, but do you think I could start with breakfast?” she asked, holding up the takeaway box that was under her cloak. “Mr. Kip told me where I could find you, said you ran out after me.”

Rex couldn’t suppress his smile. “No. Breakfast was covered yesterday. I think you’ll have to get more creative than that today.”

Ahsoka laughed and bit her lip, her eyes overcome with emotion. Shaking his head, Rex dropped his helmet into the flowerbed and all but ran to her, holding her trembling frame to him with possibly too much strength. The box fell. Her arms wrapped under his and he found that she fit better than she ever used to. He removed her hood with desperation and his chin fell into place between her montrals, still having at least one head in height over her. Rex kissed repeatedly the space between her uppermost chevrons as the sobs took control of her body.

The rain slowed to a drizzle and, as he’d vowed earlier, his mood lifted with it. Morning rays peeked out at them from behind the trees, warming their skin.

Being with Ahsoka was like walking into the sun, like walking directly into sunlight after the longest winter.

She pulled away first, though by the look on her face, it seemed to be the last thing she wanted to do. Her eyes were glued to the mangled scar on his chest, momentarily ashamed of looking him in the face.

But Rex’s hand slid under her jaw and moved her to look up at him. “I can’t think of anything better than breakfast with you. We’ve suffered enough, Ahsoka. Come inside. Stay with me until we have no choice but to leave; and even then, stay with me until there are no more planets left to run to. Let’s have breakfast together for as long as this life allows us because life without you is no way to live.”

“I haven’t had breakfast in a year and a half,” she said, tears streaking her cheeks.

Rex wiped them away. “You’re not missing out. It doesn’t taste the same when we aren’t together.”

Ahsoka eyed the slightly crumpled box of food on the ground and Rex picked it up, popping it back into its correct shape and wicking the water from it.

Apologies tumbled from her lips, but Rex wouldn’t hear any of it. She’d fought and offered her aid to the Rebellion until she couldn’t any more; until she was sure they could manage without her and that Rex wouldn’t die if she came home. It was the type of thing he had long since accepted — back when it had been cold on that moon, when rumors of another war began, and battle no longer felt good and he no longer felt invincible unless he was with her. Only one thing stayed the same. Life had still been punctuated with something far greater than love and a woman named Ahsoka.

His eyes did all the asking as he leaned in close. Ahsoka gave the faintest of nods, allowing him to kiss away her apologies; first slowly and then with an energized passion only she could provoke.

And just as he hoped they would, Ahsoka’s fingers found his curls, and he carried her and their very cold breakfast inside, leaving his helmet to become the home for several long years of blossoming flowers.

[lamaenthel]

Milkies

[read on ao3][Rexsoka Monthly: May '24 (Slice of Life)]

Rex and Ahsoka have happily settled on Medeina, far from the eye of the Empire, choosing to let go of the past and look to the future and take care of what's most important: their two children, Rajni and Jesse. But when Ahsoka is called away for some emergency repairs, Rex is left to wrangle their two teeny Togrutas without backup. He used to oversee hundreds of troopers. Two babies shouldn't be too hard, right?

Characters: Captain Rex/Ahsoka Tano, Rajni Tano, Jesse Tano Rating: Gen Wordcount: 5,114 Note: Buir is Daddy (Mando'a), Iibu is Mommy (Togruti)

"It'll be two days at most." Ahsoka still rolled up her socks and panties together like she used to when she packed for a field mission. "I wouldn't go if it wasn't important."

"I know." Rex bounced little Rajni on his hip. The white dot on her forehead was still stained weak blue from her birthday hunt. Jesse lay swaddled on the bed, kicking and watching his mother pack with adoring eyes.

"Reikka hired a mechanic to fix the solar panels but he scammed them. If that firewatch tower goes dark…"

"I understand, ner cyare." Rex stepped forward and pulled his wife into his arms. "I don't want to get swept up in a wildfire any more than you do. We'll be fine."

"There's at least a week's worth of milk deep frozen in the garage. Warm one unit at a time, thirty seconds in the nanowave at 35% power. Any faster than that and the sugar will boil."

He took a centering breath. "I know. You already wrote it down."

"I know, I know, I just…" Ahsoka backed away, curled over their son on the bed and kissed his nose. "Jesse hasn't left my sight since I crawled out of that tank," she whispered. Her left lek curled around his neck. "Neither has Rajni, except when you take her fishing. It feels so wrong to leave them. My instincts are screaming at me right now."

Rex eyed her twitchy rear lek, rolling like it wanted to smack. "I can tell." Truth be told, he didn't like the thought of her leaving either, but she wouldn't sleep a wink from the guilt of not helping their community unless she fixed it. At least this way she wouldn't be on her own; Reikka, the village elder, was going up the mountain too, and she'd volunteered her husband and son as protection against both the wild felinxes that roamed the peaks and any scrappers they might encounter. Rex wouldn't want to go up against just one of the burly Togrutas in his prime, let alone in his current shape.

He had to admit, Ahsoka wasn't the only one walking around with an empty baby bump, but he couldn't blame his new belly on growing one of the kits. They ate well on Medeina: Ahsoka's mechanic skills were valued far more here than on Daiyu, and between the garden and the fatty zizibi stew Lyotri down at the bar doled out in exchange for him chopping her firewood, these last few months they'd gone to bed with bursting stomachs instead of the growling ones they used to after splitting a bowl of nuna stew for the third day in a row.

Rex rubbed her back. "I'll hold down the fort until you return to us. Trust me, my love."

"I do." Ahsoka kissed Jesse one more time. "I do. It's not that, I promise. You're the perfect father."

He blushed. Rajni mewled sweetly and patted his burning cheeks. "Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not. It's not that I think you can't handle them for two days. It's my own dumb hindbrain insisting that I'm abandoning my young. It had nothing to do with your capability as a father."

"I get it, I get it."

"Ugh." Ahsoka pressed her forehead to his. "Two days, and I'll be home. And I'll be with my mate and my babies and we'll all be safe from wildfires."

"Yes we will."

"Yep."

"Yep."

"Yep." Ahsoka buried her face in his chest and groaned.

Ahsoka left before dawn; it all went to hell by noon. First Rajni, who had never in her life shown the slightest inclination of wanting to stick her head through the narrow railings on their dinky porch stairs did just that; then, while Rex was frantically sawing through the wooden bar that held his wailing daughter's head captive, Jesse decided that it was the perfect time for a total diaper blowout. Thankfully milk-fed kits didn't make much of a smell, but it was very yellow and… everywhere.

"I was a Captain in the Grand Army of the Republic. I oversaw over five hundred men. But somehow—Raj'ika, my love, hold still—the two of you manage to cause as much trouble as a whole platoon of clone troopers, right under my nose no less. How does that happen?"

"Boo!" Rajni wailed pathetically. "Boo–ooo–ooo…"

"Almost there, Raj'ika. Almost, just one more second—" Rex wrenched the railing free and carefully lifted her, trying to avoid getting too much of Jesse's osik on her. "You're alright, my baby. You're fine. See? You're free. No more trap."

Rajni pawed at him, desperate for the reassurance of a hug. "Boo!"

Rex sighed and gave in. He couldn't resist that pathetic little cry, not for anything in the galaxy. "Let's go wash," he mumbled.

Jesse, tied on his back, cooed happily and chomped his ear with his blunt milk fangs.

"Raj?" Rex called as he finished toweling off Jesse. "Where are you, my baby?"

"Huh?" Rajni peeked her head around the door, still naked and as slippery as a freshly-caught rocktrout from the sanisteam.

"Come dry off."

"Nuh!" Rajni grinned and bolted.

"Rajni!" Rex hastily tied the towel around his waist before following her out to the living room. "Raj'ika…"

All he heard was a high-pitched giggle. He followed the line of tiny wet footprints with his eyes, tracking the circle around the sofa, behind the bookcase in the far corner, through the kitchen and finally back to his overstuffed chair, a wet smear indicating where Rajni had crawled underneath it.

Rex sighed. "Rajni, come out of there. Please don't get dirty again."

He received no answer, just another giggle. He rolled his eyes and fetched Ahsoka's jar of tea eggs from the kitchen cooler. "Mmmm, eggs," he said loudly. "I love eggs."

The giggling stopped, replaced by an inquisitive chirp.

"Especially Iibu's special eggs. Mmmmm. Jesse, do you want one?"

Jesse chirped, eyes wide.

"Nuh!" Rajni dragged herself out from under the chair, covered in a gray streaked layer of dust. "Nuh! Boo!"

"Oh hello, Rajni," Rex said calmly, making a mental note to get Ahsoka to repair the damn MSE droid on her workbench. He split a marinated egg in half and smeared a little yolk on his finger. Jesse was still too young to eat anything but milk, but he could have a taste. "Did you want an egg?"

Rajni stomped her foot. "Muh!" Her infantile rage at seeing her brother tasting her egg was hilarious, though Rex kept his face as neutral as he could. "Boo muh! Muh! Muh!"

"Hmm?" Rex tilted his head. Jesse held onto his finger for better leverage as he licked off the spicy-sweet yolk.

"Muh-huh-huuuh!" Rajni wailed, collapsing in despair.

Jesse grunted and his eyes crossed. Everything between Rex's abs and his knees suddenly turned very warm. And yellow.

"Guess we're all going back in," he mumbled, snatching up his sobbing daughter before she could escape again.

The sun was down. The living room was dark except for the glow of the viewscreen, where Kento Koi's heroics held Rajni absolutely captivated. She watched the Nautolan superhero lift up the giant rock and save the Quarrens with big, unblinking eyes as she sucked on her cup of milk, absently petting Rex's arm with a soft hand.

Rex held his son's bottle with one hand and transferred a chewed nuna nugget to his daughter's mouth with the other. She never looked away from the viewscreen, too enchanted by the yellow Nautolan to do anything but release the sippy cup and open her mouth when Rex tapped her jaw.

"You look comfortable." Ahsoka's hologram reclined on her side, propping up her head on one hand. She looked sad. "I wish I was snuggled up with all of you."

"So do we." He smiled and tapped Rajni. She yanked away her milk with a loud pop! and a small gasp for air and opened up obediently.

"Are they being good?"

"Well, I had to do an emergency renovation on the stair railing." He laughed at his wife's look of confusion. "Rajni shoved her head in there and got stuck. Had to cut her out."

"Oh no!" Ahsoka exclaimed, dismayed.

"She's fine."

"Why did she do that?"

"As much as I'd love to have insight into the brain of a toddler…"

Ahsoka grunted. "I know, I just mean—what was she trying to accomplish?"

"Only she knows." Rex lifted his arm so Rajni could readjust and crawl underneath it.

"Iibu!" she squeaked, grinning.

"Rajni." Ahsoka lowered her voice. "Rajni, prrishk'ti Buir. Nahma kufuntha."

Rex's Togruti was far from perfect, but he recognized the words for listen and no mischief.

Rajni's face fell. She looked away with a pout identical to her mother's.

"I was looking right at her, too," Rex said. "She was crawling down the stairs, and then she just… did it. Couldn't even stop her."

Ahsoka snorted. "She needs a leash."

"She's just being a curious little kit. No harm done. I'll cut every other railing in the morning so she can't do it again." Rex accidentally swallowed one of Rajni's nuggets. He popped another one in and hoped she didn't notice. "And then Jesse sh—" he caught himself, glanced at Rajni, "pooped down my back."

Ahsoka barked out a laugh. "Oh no."

"Oh no is right. It got all over all of us." He relinquished the nugget to his daughter. "How're the repairs going?"

"Well the good news is that the solar panels themselves work perfectly fine. The problem is that some critter chewed its way into the conduit and munched on the wires between the panels and the batteries, so it can't collect any of that electricity."

"Uh-oh."

Rajni tossed her empty sippy cup. "Uh-oh!" she sang.

"No throwing." Rex snapped his fingers and pointed, fixing Rajni with a stern look until she got up with an annoyed grumble and retrieved it. "So you'll be longer?"

"No, thankfully. I just hate rewiring. I always cut my fingertips up."

"Poor thing."

"Precisely. Feel sorry for me. I'm all alone up here with owie fingers."

Rex snorted and hoisted up Jesse to burp him.

"Is he taking a bottle okay?" Ahsoka asked anxiously.

"Took him a second, but he figured it out. It's making him gassy though."

"He's swallowing too much air, then. He isn't keeping proper suction."

"That's what I figured. Anything I can do to fix it?"

Ahsoka shook her head. "I don't think we have any other nipple tops. You'll have to go to the general store in the morning."

Rex jumped; Rajni had stuck one cold hand up his shirt and grabbed his nipple. "That won't work, little one, mine aren't as talented as Iibu's." He removed her little vise fingers with a wince.

Ahsoka burst into laughter. "Do you remember the week after we settled here and he bit your nipple in the middle of the night thinking it was me?"

Rex would never forget the trauma of that chomp. "I almost launched him across the room jumping up so fast. He was still attached."

"Luckily we're sturdy little things." Ahsoka's hologram flickered a few times as she settled fully on her side, pillowing her head on her arm. "I miss you."

Jesse belched in his ear and ejected half of his dinner down his back. Rex just sighed. "And I miss you." He barely caught Rajni as she launched herself up and onto the back of the sofa, eager to lick up the milk. "I've, ah…"

"You've got your hands full. I'll let you go." Ahsoka smiled sadly. "I love you. And I love you, Rajni, and you, Jesse."

"Iibu." Rajni beamed at her from air jail.

"We love you. Goodnight, ner cyare." Ahsoka's hologram disappeared, leaving them with only the viewscreen's light. "Let's clean up," Rex said wearily, hauling his son to the fresher once again.

The clock on Rex's bedside table said 02:40—way too early for this banthashit—when he opened his eyes to the sound of a crash. The lamp on Ahsoka's side was on the floor, and while Jesse was still sound asleep in his little pillow lounger, Rajni was a flash of tan and orange as she streaked across the room.

The pink bantha jammies her mother had made for her had been flung to parts unknown in order to give her more freedom of movement. She zipped in circles on all fours on the floor, not giving a single damn about the lamp she had just sent flying. Her brown eyes shone with eerie green in the moonlight as she did her best impression of a wild tooka.

"Rajni," Rex groaned. He sat up, confirmed the lamp wasn't broken and therefore not a danger, then laid back down. "Please no zooms tonight."

"Zoom!" Rajni bounced off the headboard at the speed of sound and did a backflip across the room. "Zoom! Zoom!"

Rex knew there was no stopping her once she started. She just had to wear herself out. He curled around Jesse protectively, wondering how he was going to survive both of them doing this once Jesse learned how to crawl, and waited for it to be over.

Rex thought that if he had Rajni tied to his front and Jesse strapped to his back, he'd be avoiding chaos at the general store. Both of the kids loved being carried in their wraps. He didn't anticipate Rajni thrashing and screeching like a thimiar in a snare, acting for all the world like she was being tortured.

"No down," he said firmly, giving apologetic looks to the other shoppers. "You're being naughty."

"Doh!" Rajni squirmed, trying to shimmy loose.

"I said no, Rajni," Rex said, busting out the Captain baritone. "You can't get down right now. You don't have shoes." Neither of them ever did, so it was a ridiculous excuse and he knew it. Rajni did too, throwing him the same venomous look her mother used to give him when he'd tell her to stop doing backflips off of the B2's.

She may have had his eyes, but that attitude was all Ahsoka.

Both of the kids missed her desperately. He knew it was why Rajni was acting out, and poor Jesse was so gassy from the bottle that he'd had to massage his tummy and bend him in half until he finally tooted for almost ten seconds straight. Rex couldn't figure why he was having so much trouble with the bottle when Rajni never did, but his poor boy was miserable.

He found two different nipple tops that advertised themselves as preventing colic and paid for them, a jar of pickled tamtam feet and shahar candy for Ahsoka, and a marrow bone for his teething daughter.

"Here." Rex waggled it in her face once he was back out on the dirt road.

Rajni tilted her head. Her eyes narrowed right before going in for the chomp.

The bone kept her busy until they returned. The first thing he did was try out the new nipples for Jesse; he outright refused the first, but the second one he reluctantly accepted after Rex rubbed it on his lips for a few minutes, coaxing him to at least try for Buir.

Rajni cried the entire time, toddling aimlessly around the house in search of Ahsoka, chirping pathetically like a lost kitten.

Rex put Jesse down for a nap after he drank his fill and he was fairly sure that he wouldn't regurgitate it. He settled on the porch, sitting on the pillowed bench with Rajni and a holobook.

"Moo, moo goes the…" He glanced down at his squirming daughter. "Rajni, what animal goes moo? Show Buir."

"Iibu," Rajni said miserably, eyes still red from her earlier crying fit.

"I know, Raj'ika. I miss Iibu too." Every time she chirped for Ahsoka, Rex's heart shattered anew.

"Iibu." She buried her face in her hands and burst into tears again.

"Udesii, ner Raj'ika," Rex cooed, putting aside the old holobook and pulling her into his embrace. "Iibu will come home soon. She had to go help fix something that is far away."

Rajni continued to sob and shake in his arms. Her sweaty, teary face was jammed so tightly into his neck that he wasn't sure how she was even drawing air to cry. Her normal sunshine smell was soured by her grief. "Ii…Iibu…"

"I know." Tears stung Rex's eyes. "Let's go take a nap with Jesse, 'lek? Buir is sleepy."

"Nuh," Rajni whined, burrowing deeper. "Boo. Iibu. Geh Iibu."

"I can't go get her. She's fixing something very important that keeps us safe." Despite her protests, Rex hoisted Rajni up and toddled down to the bedroom where Jesse was fast asleep. His belly was so round; the poor little guy hadn't had much luck with the first nipple, but the second one did the trick, and now he was stuffed and milk-drunk. Beside him was a zizibi plushie that Ahsoka had crocheted, insides thumping away with a gadget that sounded like her heartbeat.

Rex kicked off his shoes and crawled on top of the covers. "Nap with me." He kissed Rajni and tucked himself tightly around her, one hand resting on Jesse's belly.

"Iibu," Rajni whispered. Her swollen eyes fluttered shut. "Ii…"

Rex kissed her between her montrals until she purred herself to sleep.

"Oof. It has been a day." Ahsoka's hologram lay reclined tonight with her shirt pushed up over her swollen breasts, a pair of hard-working pumps relieving her pressure. Almost every fingertip bore a little white bandage.

"Iibu!" Rajni squeaked, diving for the holoprojector. "Iibu! Iibu!"

"Hello, ner Raj'ika," Ahsoka said warmly. "Say hi to Iibu!"

"Hah! Hah!" Rajni bounced in place.

"She really misses you," Rex said, tearing his eyes away from Ahsoka's chest. "She's been a handful all day."

"I'm sorry, baby," Ahsoka cooed. "Are you being a good girl for Buir?"

"Lah!" Rajni reached through the hologram desperately. When her hands connected with nothing, her excitement quickly drained away to horror. "Ii… Iibu?" Her lower lip quivered. "Iibuuuu…" She burst into tears.

Ahsoka scrambled to sit up, nearly losing one of the pumps in the process. "I miss you too, sweet baby. I'm coming home tomorrow!"

Rajni buried her face in Rex's shoulder and continued to bawl.

"Please don't cry, Rajni!" Ahsoka begged. "Iibu's right here! Look at Iibu!"

"Poor thing. Betrayed by the holoprojector." Rex rubbed her back.

"Rajni, I'm right here!"

"Nuh-huh-huuuh." Rajni melted against his chest.

"Rex, do something!"

"She's been like this all day," Rex sighed. "There's nothing to be done. She misses her mother." He tilted the optical sensor to include Jesse. "Look, Jess, look at Iibu."

Jesse beamed at the hologram. He wiggled in his tight swaddle like a happy little silkworm.

"Is he upset too?" Ahsoka asked, her lip quivering just like Rajni's.

"He's… well, he knows you're missing, but you know how quiet he is." Rex couldn't help but glance at the busy little droids whirring on her ample chest. "He's taking the new nipple top I bought this morning a lot easier. But he still looks at me every time I give him the bottle, like 'what's this bantha poodoo?' He misses you for sure."

"I miss them too." Ahsoka wiped her eyes. "Rajni, Iibu loves you so much. Can I read you a book?"

Rex fetched the picture holobook he'd tried to read with her earlier. "Come on, Rajni, Iibu is sad too. Let's help her feel better."

"Nuh!" Rajni smacked him.

Rex touched his cheek, shocked. "Trooper!"

"Rajni, no hitting!"

Rajni drowned them both out with an ear-piercing scream and melted into a puddle of tears.

Ahsoka sighed. "I think I'm doing more harm than good."

"It's alright, cyare. She just misses you."

"I feel so guilty." Ahsoka sniffed and wiped her nose. "I'll… I'll let you go. I've only got a little bit of soldering to do in the morning and then I'm done. It took me six hours to get up here, but down the mountain will go faster."

"It'll be alright." Rex tried to redirect Rajni into his armpit to muffle her crying. "We'll see you tomorrow. You're doing a good thing."

"Yeah." She didn't sound like she believed him. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Rex turned off the holoprojector. "Alright. Bed time."

"Nuuuuuh!" Rajni screeched and tried to escape his hold by bending backwards.

"Yes," Rex said, exasperated, and carried her to bed.

For the last month, Jesse was in the habit of only waking up once for a feed, usually around 0300. He wasn't drinking as much in one sitting with the bottle, so it made sense that he would wake up more often, but by 0400 he was on his sixth bottle. Rex fed him in the kitchen, bouncing in place just to stay awake.

"Come on, Jesse." Rex patted his son's back absently, swaying back and forth. "Finish this one. We don't want to waste." He wasn't sure if he could reuse the leftovers from before but he was unable to bring himself to dump Ahsoka's hard work down the drain, so he had taken to pouring out whatever was left in Jesse's bottle into a mug he kept in the cooler. Rajni could drink it in the morning.

Probably. He'd check on the holonet once his eyes uncrossed. He spared a moment to wonder what Ahsoka was doing with whatever she'd pumped out on the mountain.

Jesse released the bottle and squirmed, grunted a few times, then unusually—for him, at least—started to cry.

"Udesii, ad'ika, udesii. Ur'takur laam, ner ad'ika. Ner vutyc jag'ika. There you go, good boy." Rex settled him on his shoulder and patted him until his sobs turned to hiccups. "What's the matter, hmm? Do you miss Iibu too?"

At just over three months Jesse was far too little to nod, but Rex had a feeling he was right. He hummed as he swayed and patted his back, waiting for a burp that didn't want to come.

"Boo?" At just over twenty pounds, Rajni's thumpers had no right to be as loud as they were as she thundered down the hall. She turned the corner and slid to a stop, her purple nexu-striped footie pajamas slippery on the wood floor. "Boo!"

Rex shushed her. "Jesse was hungry."

"Gee." Rajni batted her eyelashes at him. The brown in her eyes disappeared, swallowed up by her pupils.

"Is Rajni hungry too?" Rex asked, smiling.

She pointed at the abandoned bottle. "Peez?"

"Of course, my baby. Especially since you asked so nicely." Rex dumped almost two ounces into her sippy cup and handed it over.

Jesse finally let out a burp louder than a tank shell. Rex tied him to his front, sat on the couch with Rajni snuggled against him, and fell asleep before her cartoons hit the first advertisement break.

"Why did you do it again?" Rex asked, frantically sawing through the railing he'd forgotten to take down yesterday.

Rajni scream-cried, bright red and miserable, stuck in the railings like a nerf in a squeeze chute. This time her brother joined her, screeching directly in his ear from where he'd been tied onto Rex's back.

"Alright, there we go, there we—gotcha." Rex swept her up in his arms and glared at the stupid rails. "Listen to Buir. I'm going to take them down right now. If you stick your head in there again before I'm done, I'm not pulling you out until I'm done with the other ones. Suvar, trooper?"

Rajni arched her back and did her best to escape his hold, still screaming.

Rex took a deep breath in, let it out, counted to ten, then went back inside for her wrap. He didn't trust the little troublemaker for a second, especially since she'd looked him dead in the eyes before shoving her head through the railing a second time.

Marrying a carnivore meant that Rex had to make a few adjustments to his diet. He was used to eating meat for every meal now, but to Ahsoka, cooking meant holding whatever chunk of raw meat she was holding near a fire until it was body-temperature warm, so it was a job that he had taken over for all of their sakes.

The cooler was full of nerf steaks marinating in a blend of jogan juice and nose-tingling Shilian spices. A dozen eggs—hard boiled, peeled, and stuffed full of spicy pickle relish—sat beside them, plus some crispy rock peppers filled with soft paneer cheese that Lyotri had traded to him in exchange for their wooden railings and a bowl full of cheesecake filling.

"Rajni!" Rex called, standing at the stove. He spooned up some bright-red mahkani gravy to taste. "Raj'ika, come here and taste this. Tell me if you like it."

Rajni toddled around the corner with a doll in each hand. "Huh?"

"Here." He blew on the spoonful before letting her sip.

She made a face and gagged.

"That bad?" Rex tasted it again, frowning. "It tastes alright to me. You don't like it?"

"Buh!" Rajni spat on the tile floor.

"Thanks a lot, kid."

"Patoo." She fled the kitchen, making vroom vroom noises as she made her dollies fly.

"You like Buir's cooking, don't you son?" Rex patted his son between his little green montral buds.

Jesse grunted and wiggled in his wrap. He was antsy. What he needed was a nap, but every time Rex put him down he started crying, and he couldn't seem to stay asleep for more than a few minutes at a time.

Ahsoka had already commed to tell them she was on her way home. Rex had started cooking almost immediately. He just didn't know what else to do; he had a dozen projects to work on around the house, sure, but he knew Ahsoka as well as he knew himself, and she was always starving after a long march.

Maybe he wasn't crying and chirping for her, but he missed Ahsoka as much as their children did. He missed the way her lekku smelled when she was out in the sun all day, the soft weight of her head on his chest in bed, the way she hummed absently as she worked on droids and farm equipment. He wanted her to know that he missed her too, and cooking her a feast to welcome her home was the best way he figured he could do that.

Well, the best way that he could show her in front of the kids, anyhow.

Rex turned off the burner, put the gravy aside, and took out the turu rice toasting in the oven. It went into the turbo-blender with cinnamon and sugar, then into the bottom of a pie plate once he'd thoroughly pulverized it.

"We're making Iibu a cake," he informed Jesse. "A special cake made out of cheese. I made it for Iibu's birthday last year and she loved it."

"Teez?" Rajni poked her head around the corner again. "Boo teez?"

"Yes, my baby, cheese." He let her lick a little of the creamy filling off his finger. This time she didn't gag.

"Boo." Rajni patted his leg, beaming. "Teez peez?"

"You want more?"

"Peeeeez." Rajni blinked until her pupils expanded.

"Oh, you little stinker," Rex chuckled. "Fine."

He gave Rajni the spoon to keep her busy while he poured the filling into the pie plate, then slipped it into the cooler to chill and harden.

Jesse wiggled in the wrap and whined.

"What's the matter, Jes'ika?" Rex freed him and sniffed his rump, but he smelled clean. "Did you just need your legs free? Hmm?"

"Maybe he's excited for cheesecake."

Rex spun at the sound of his wife's voice. Ahsoka grinned at him; she looked exhausted, dirty, and her hands were covered in bandages, but she was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

"Hey!" he exclaimed, grinning. "You sneaky little—"

"Iibu!" Rajni chucked the spoon over her shoulder and darted across the kitchen, flying into her mother's arms. "Iibu! Iibu!"

"My Rajni." Ahsoka's left lek wrapped around Rajni like a hug as she rubbed her head on her daughter, scenting her thoroughly. They both purred loudly enough to make Rex's liver vibrate. "My sweet baby. I missed you so much."

Rajni buried her face in her mother's neck, rumbling like the happiest little tooka in the galaxy.

"How was the walk down?" Rex relinquished Jesse, stifling the laugh that threatened to erupt at the sight of Ahsoka's other lek wrapping him up in a twisty embrace. His high-pitched cricket purr joined his mother and sister in a joyful, subsonic song.

"I hustled as fast as I could. Weather held out, but it's going to rain any second." With both of her arms—and lekku—full of babies, she had no way to hug him, so she pressed her forehead against his in a kov'nyn and sighed happily.

Rex took a deep breath, relishing her familiar sweetspice smell. "I missed you," he murmured. He wrapped his arms around all three of them and held them close. Her heartbeat drummed against his chest, matching the beat of his own.

"And I missed you. They weren't too bad, right?" Ahsoka laughed and leaned back; Jesse was already squirming his way into her shirt in search of milk.

"They were a little spicy, but nothing I couldn't handle." Rex ran his thumb across the wing on her cheek before he kissed her.

"Nuh!" Rajni said crossly, pushing him away. "Muh Iibu!"

"Your Iibu?" Rex asked, raising an eyebrow.

"We will all share Iibu," Ahsoka laughed, "because Iibu missed everyone and wants to see you all. Come on, let's go sit. My legs are tired, I've been walking since the sun came up."

"I've got dinner ready whenever you are. Just need to throw the steaks on the grill." Rex followed her to the sofa and let her get comfortable before he slid in beside them. Jesse was already latched on to one breast. Rajni yanked down her mother's shirt and shamelessly claimed the other side.

"That sounds amazing. I should hop in the sanisteam first, but first…" Ahsoka adjusted so that her head rested on his heart. "My babies." She kissed both of their foreheads. "My mate." She looked up with her big blue eyes, so full of adoration that it took his breath away.

"My mate," he rumbled, meeting her lips in another soft kiss that Rajni squealed in protest at. "My babies. Ner aliit."

"Cuun aliit," Ahsoka said softly, chasing his lips. "Our family."

MANDO'A TRANSLATIONS Udesii, ad'ika: Easy, son Ur'takur laam, ner ad'ika: Chin up, my son Ner vutyc jag'ika: My special little man Suvar: understand Ner/cuun aliit: My family/our family

Tag list: @first-light-of-the-library / @rexsoka-monthly Divider: @rexsoka-monthly

[skellymom]

So I just came across Writer's wall of fame and I want to say that I love that idea. There are so many amazing fics that don't get much attention and this will help solving that problem. I also have a question. Sorry if it's mentioned somewhere and I just missed it. Are there any conditions on what the writers mentioned here must write? Are writers who write AUs allowed? I'm also asking because of the "problematic" ships because I came across a similar project once and they forbid rexsoka and cloneshipping.

Hi. Here is the link to THE WRITER'S WALL that has ALL of the information you seek. Giving you the link as the info is there for you to read. I already cut and pasted to another ask. From now on, I'll just include the link.

I am allowing some of the "problematic" ships.

AND BEFORE ANYONE COMES FOR ME, IT IS UP TO THE READER TO READ THE TAGS AND WARNINGS ON THEIR JOURNEY IN "THE EYEBALL ZONE" WHILE READING FICS AND LOOKING AT VISUAL CONTENT.

I WILL NOT POLICE ANYONE.

NOT A FAN OF CENSORSHIP.

WILL NOT KINK SHAME.

THESE ARE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS.

IF YOU HAVE A PARTICULAR BEEF WITH A WRITERS CONTENT PLEASE TAKE IT UP WITH THEM. AND, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DO IT CONSTRUCTIVELY AND DO NOT HARRASS OR TROLL THEM.

I am only one person and cannot know what some people find offensive or not. Yep, it's the interwebs and there are some things that are gonna shock you...probably even shock me. I'll leave it up to you to make those decisions and control your own content consumption.

Thanks for understanding.

Oh...btw...PLEASE DON'T FORGET ME! Please read, comment, and repost my stuff too! THANK YOU!!!

[rexsoka-monthly]

This is the list of current submissions for the 2024 monthly prompts, which we regularly update. Our prompts never expire! If you like a past prompt and would like to use it, please feel free to share your work with us and we'll add it here. 🧡💙

*Last updated 6/21/24

FICS

Wired for Struggle by saviinika (M)

Unexpected by TealMist (T)

‘Soka by nataliaromanovabarnes (T)

Fighting For A Second Chance by LittleLorna (T)

Love Can’t Be Bottled Up by LittleLorna (T)

Shadow and Cloud by TheRezhikitt (T)

A Remedy for Memory by ahsokathegray (T)

FANART

So stunned he couldn’t help himself by LizzoWinkyFace (G)

FICS

Hidden Battles by saviinika (M)

One In A Million by LittleLorna (M)

Home Sweet Home by LadyLucksRogue (M)

Stay With Me by TealMist (T)

What Do You Say To The God Of Death? by LittleLorna (M)

Fruitful, Fruitless by ahsokathegray (E)

The Reason by LadyLucksRogue (M)

Please please (do not go) by Apollos_Constant_Crisis (G)

FANART

Watercolor Rexsoka by kopykunoichi (G)

Sugar and Spicy by lady-spacy (M)

Nightwear Rexsoka by ahsokathegray (M)

Valentine’s Rexsoka by kopykunoichi (G)

Valentine’s Rexsoka by nyxgodnessofstars (G)

Behind Closed Doors by LizzoWinkyFace (M)

FICS

Bound to Sincerity by saviinika (E)

This Is The Truth by LittleLorna (T)

Blue Liquid And An Elevator by TealMist (T)

A Successful Disaster by LittleLorna (T)

Tihaar? More Like Truth Serum by Snips2112 (T)

Some Men Just Can't Hold Their Truth Serum by craziest_in_the_guild (T)

The Truth Will Set You Free by LadyLucksRogue (T)

Abandon Window by ladoone (T)

Rules of Engagement by TheRezhikitt (E)

FICS

But for the colour of her eyes by saviinika (M)

Hold on to Me by Snips2112 (M)

They'll Hear You/Us by battleswanofciya (Unrated)

You'll Never Break Me by LittleLorna (E)

Flames by Guardianangel12 (T)

The One Where Everybody Finds Out by TealMist (M)

That's One Way To Work Out by LittleLorna (E)

FANART

Your Brother’s Will Hear Us by LizzoWinkyFace (M)

FICS

I'm Not Sick by TealMist (T)

Call to Arms by saviinika (T)

and all at once, you're all i want by wiserhero (T)

Rain and sweaters. by nyxgoddessofstar (G)

Just Have Fun by LittleLorna (M)

The Beach Can Wait by by Snips2112 (M)

If I Asked by TealMist (G)

To Light the Path Forward by LadyLucksRogue (G)

[bettsfic]

A few years ago—god, i must have still been in college. 2018? 19? You made a master post of all your fic up until then. Would you be able to make another post, with all your fic from 2019ish-now?

sure! i've been wanting to do this for a while but the question becomes - how to organize? i write in too many different fandoms to do it by canon. so we're just gonna go by the myriad ways my id is on full display.

i skipped a few fics that i didn't like so it's not *everything*. also many of these are locked down so you have to log into ao3 to see them.

masterpost of my fics, 2019 - 2023

key:

personal favorite

you don't really need to know the canon going in

VERY NSFW

diet cottagecore

there's a house. somebody is sad. chores.

rest in grace - violet evergarden, violet/gilbert, canon divergence - 20k, complete

float - breaking bad, jesse/OMC, post-canon - 19k, complete

good bones - star wars sequels, reylo, modern au - 12k, wip

stray - genshin impact, razor/lumine, canon divergence - 6k, complete

"i don't remember you" to "let's pretend to be in a relationship" to "oh you've been in love with me your entire life?"

fake dating via trauma-induced amnesia and chronic illness

a standing engagement - the hunger games, odesta, canon divergence - 57k, complete

wind of the new world - the hunger games, odesta, sequel to ASE - 10k, complete

digging for orchids - tgcf, hualian, modern au - 43k, complete

a brat and the guardian she desperately wants to fuck

and the guardian who is trying desperately not to give in

huaycan - the gray man, six/claire, post-canon - 16k, complete

in water falling - the clone wars, rexsoka, dystopia au - 14k, complete

a long way - game of thrones, jaime/myrcella, canon divergence - 18k, complete

so obsessively in love that their life is upended and their identity irrevocably changed

romance with repercussions & codependency ever after

free ride - tbosas, snowbaird, modern au - 24k, wip

patronage - painter of the night, nakyum/seungho, modern au - 11k, complete

lemon - star wars prequels, anidala, modern au - 73k, complete

organic chemistry - the clone wars, rexsoka, modern au - 57k, wip

"i will kill for you" (literal)

murder as a love language

acquittal - tgcf, hualian, modern au - 10k, complete

the bluff - barry (hbo), sally/barry, canon divergence - 9k, complete

if i had a nickel for every fic i've written where an unstable marriage is saved by an adrift third burdened by the guilt of their society-ruining decisions

i'd have two nickels, but it's weird it happened twice

before the suns rise - star wars prequels, obianidala, canon divergence - 30k, wip

renovations - frozen, anna/elsa/kristoff, modern au (no incest) - 47k, complete

"whoops, i was trying to kill you but i fell in love with you instead"

villainfucker city rise up

the truth of time - rurouni kenshin, e/k, canon (live action) - 6k, complete

penitence - star wars sequels, reylo, canon divergence - 17k, complete

porn, but also healing from atrocity

honestly every fic i write could fall under this category

reclaimed - star wars sequels, reylo, omegaverse - 14k, complete

light - saezuru, yashiro/doumeki, canon divergence - 30k, complete

sick part of a sick thing - stranger things, hellcheer, no upside down au - 45k, complete

let ruin end here - tgcf, hualian, modern au - 8k, complete

the art of scraping through - the 100, bellarke, modern au - 18k, complete

porn, but also righting the wrongs of decades past

boys with big regrets and even bigger—

dirtbag - stranger things, hellcheer, no upside down au - 60k, complete

moderation - the 100, bellarke, modern au - 40k, complete

always be closing - mdzs, wangxian, modern au - 32k, complete

femdom tsundere (ft. pegging)

grouchy women and the submissive men who adore them

black-eyed - mdzs, chengqing, modern au - 16k, complete

not if, when - original fiction - 12k, complete (the pegging is there in spirit)

ghost in the pearl - westworld, dolores/caleb, canon divergence - 7k, complete

the innate comedy of abject pining

"i'm so in love with you it's killing me lmao"

no certainty of doors between us - mdzs, wangxian, modern au - 6k, complete

the beach episode - tgcf, hualian, modern au - 20k, complete

shut up and kill me - original fiction - 5k, complete (not really a romance)

if you dig my stuff and want to support me, you can

subscribe to my newsletter

buy me a coffee on ko-fi

thanks for the ask, anon! this was fun.

[ahsokaanakinrexorobi-wan]

(IN A UNIVERSE WHERE REX DIED IN THE BATTLE OF UMBARA A WEEK AFTER THE BATTLE OF UMBARA)

Anakin: I don't know what to do ahsoka has not come out of her office in a week.

Obi-Wan: I don't know anakin i don't know anything about the relationship ahsoka had with rex

Anakin: ahsoka and rex were very close

Obi-Wan: ahsoka formed an attachment didn't she

Anakin: yes she did.

Obi-Wan: well that's against the jedi code so maybe it is a good thing that rex died.

Anakin: no it's not

Obi-Wan: anakin ahsoka formed an attachment that is against the jedi code

Anakin: I don't give a shit about the jedi code I made a mistake and it cost rex his life

Obi-Wan: anakin never could have thought that krell would do what he did

Anakin: no I never should have trusted krell

Obi-Wan: anakin it's not your fault.

Anakin: but it is I was stupid and it got rex killed

Obi-Wan: anakin it's not your fault

Anakin: it is

Obi-Wan: no it isn't anakin

Anakin: I'm going to go to the 501st barracks

Obi-Wan: for what

Anakin: non of your business

*anakin walks into the 501st barracks and for once it's not chaos* anakin: it's so quiet I don't like it this place is never quiet

Ahsoka: well for once it is not even fives has talked

Anakin: you actually came out of your office

Ahsoka: yeah

Anakin: and you look like you've been crying in the dark for the past week

Ahsoka: I was doing something along those lines

Anakin: ok

Ahsoka: *leaves*

Anakin: and she's going back to her office

Fives: probably

Anakin: probably

Fives: commander tano is not dealing with rex's death good at all

Anakin: I know

[rexsokaficquotes]

The middle dragon was by far the biggest. His dull scales made it hard to make out if his scales were yellow or gold. Cautious golden eyes held more reluctance to engage with her if it came down to a fight. The other was similar to the first, brown and black scales. The difference in him was the mass of black scales on the side of his right temple creating a 5.

The first one steps forward again, shaking his wings and letting out a low roar. Not to be outdone she too stepped forward but let out a more aggressive high-pitched roar trailing off with a low hiss. Her spines flared and rippled in combativeness. He backed off and looked at the dull yellow dragon. He grunted and turned away, not seeming to want to fight her. They disappeared over the dune moments later.

— RedWolf9481, from Chapter 1: Into the desert in ‘Journey to a new home’

[melting-houses-of-gold]

music for the WIPs?

ok anon, help. I debated putting this one on there because it's actually my oldest rexsoka WIP (see below for when I had last updated it--yikes!), but like can you call yourself an AU lover if you don't have some kind of wacky music AU in your back pocket? (I digress)

I dug through the writing and it was cringe AF so i'm definitely going to be reworking it but here's one little bit as a teaser and then the little recap i sent to a few friends!

TEASER: You can tell this is old because I wrote it in the past tense and now i'm a present tense or die kinda gal.

In another lifetime, Ahsoka had performed in stadiums, with lights blinding her eyes and hundreds of thousands of strangers screaming for her. And yet, standing on a tiny stage in a nightclub she’d never heard of across town? Infinitely more terrifying. 

“I don’t know,” she chewed on her lower lip nervously, her knee jostling the table as it bounced up and down. “It’s been years. What if I’m terrible? What if they hate the songs?”

“The songs are perfect, and you’ll be great,” Barriss soothed. “You don’t have to be anyone else this time. You can just be you.”

MY INCOHERENT SUMMARY: as a note, this is about as complex as my fic outlines usually get unless i'm being REALLY plotty. This is why i take forever to write anything.

Ahsoka, Anakin, and Obi-Wan are a band that gets big in their teens/20s, but when Anakin goes full performance artist (obviously he calls himself Vader and is managed by Sheev -- think Jared Leto but WORSE), he cuts off ties with his siblings. About a decade later, Barriss pspspsps Ahsoka back into releasing the last album on the band's contract as a solo album in a totally different style (think going from glam grunge to folksy singer songwriter). When she performs at a tiny nightclub, Rex is there (even though Barriss had told her no industry people -- how dare she!). A few weeks later, she gets a call to tour as the opening act of a band and whaddya know, it's that guy she met at the bar. They go on tour, they fall in love over the course of the summer, kissing to ensue.

[ladylucksrogue]

WIP Game

Thanks for the tag @melting-houses-of-gold !

RULES: make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! Then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

The Future is Blurry, The Past is a Trap

All the Stars we can't see

Clone Wars wild west au

Unexpected oneshots

Wolffe Liri - beach

Foxiyo - serendipity

Rexsoka-snow

Rexsoka dancing

End of the war bbq-bolo ball

Wolffe Liri MIL story

Somewhere only we know rexsoka

Wolffe Liri arrival

AU universe Kara notes

No pressure tag:

@impossibleprincess35 @tealmisthams @snips2112 @sendpseuds and anyone else who wants to participate. I don't have that many people to tag who haven't been already 😆

[loulines]

June 21st, 2020. We were in the middle of the first wave of a global pandemic, the entire world turned upside down.

Season 7 of The Clone Wars ended less than two months before. And on that day I did something that would forever change my life.

I joined a rexsoka group chat.

It was a small group, since Tumblr group chats weren't really big to begin with. And it was rexsoka, after all, I remember when we had only about 300 fics on AO3 at the time. I remember being very anxious about joining because I felt that I'm not gonna fit in and no one would like me.

If only I knew...

That moment was the beginning of the biggest rollercoaster of my life, full of both the happiest, and the most heartbreaking memories.

The group chat moved to Discord well before Tumblr removed the bugged and broken feature, to the server owned by the most amazing person I have ever known. The members joined and left, but a portion of the OG members have become my closest friends. We shared secrets with each other that we'd never share with anyone else, we joked, laughed, argued... But we'd still stick together, even if we spent less time interacting.

In the meantime I started drawing again, after being art blocked for years. Even though I will never get close to the most popular artists in the fandom, I was still shocked at the amount of feedback I've received. I will be forever grateful for that.

Then I moved on from reading fics to writing my own stories, and I even collabed on a fic, which I never thought I would do. It was amazing.

Over those 3 years I've done things I never would've expected myself to do before.

Both good and horrible things...

Now, 3 years later, on June 21st, 2023...

I don't know what I'm doing anymore... I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what to believe in anymore...

I kept hurting people, especially those closest to me, and I kept hurting myself.

Those anniversaries were always very important to me, because it was about meeting my dear friends.

But this anniversary...

I will spend attending my very first therapist appointment.

I don't even know what to expect from it, I'm beyond terrified. I'm terrified of the things I have to confess to them. I'm terrified of sharing my story and my problems with them because those memories make my heart bleed. I'm terrified of the diagnosis I might get or that the only "diagnosis" I will get will be the fact that I'm fucked up and just a terrible person in general.

But I have to do it. It's not only for myself, but in the majority it is. Because the only other option I have left would result in my name being put on my grave...

I don't know what will happen on the 4th anniversary. I no longer look into the future with anticipation. The past seems so distant nowadays and the present... Just is.

I want to thank everyone who's left a like, a comment, or a reblog on my posts. I'd like to thank each and every of my followers. I'd especially like to thank all my friends, the ones still around for still putting up with my bullshit, and to those I cannot talk to anymore, for putting up with my bullshit in the past. Thank you for the amazing memories.

And I'm sorry for all the trouble and drama I've caused.

I hope you guys stay healthy.

Maybe once I fix my mental health I'll go back to drawing and writing. And I'll stop being so overdramatic in my posts. And in my life as well.

x