#and this song perfectly sums up my life right now

[seaofreverie]

Sparkstember Day 19: Lil' Beethoven (Ride 'Em Cowboy)

First of all, let this very important fact be known: the love I have for all three albums in the Lil' Beethoven trilogy cannot be overstated. I think I can safely call them my favourite pieces of art ever made. You know, when you look forward to something and it not only lives up to all your expectations but it's also just SO SO much more? Something about this neoclassical / dada / deconstruction of pop music / whatever-you-should-even-call-it approach is absolutely PERFECTLY suited for my tastes, and I didn't even know I was looking for something EXACTLY like this until I found it.

I think the circumstances of my first hearing of this album are pretty funny and something I got pretty lucky with actually (I often think about this with Sparks in general, as much as I wish I've known about them sooner I also do feel like they appeared in my life when I needed that the most. But anyway.) I was very eagerly looking forward to hearing it and finally seeing for myself what the genius of this album is all about. But I insisted that I can only do it through a physical format because yesss, let's make it even more *special*! The moment I've been waiting for! So yeah let's gooo, I need to wait until my CD arrives in the mail (that was one of the longest weeks of my life). And then I started to wonder, well, maybe I actually won't like it that much. To hype myself up to this extent and then be severly dissapointed - would have sucked!

Well, I was NOT dissapointed. Instead I was perplexed, confused, but also very intrigued and quite, ok not just quite, *completely* amazed already. That was the initial reaction and I think it's a rare but very beautiful moment when this happens - no need to *fully* grasp it right away, but enough to be all like "oh that was SOMETHING. I need more." As I said after that first listen (and I actually have my whole LIVE reaction to hearing LB written down lmao, that's how much of a big deal this was for me), I felt like it actually has to grow on me a bit still, gradually but surely with each next listen, rather than the 1st listen being THE prime listening experience. And that was very true! But it wasn't even gradual, it was very fast, seriously. And something very important that stood out to me right away too were the melodies - something about them, and that continues into HYL and ECOTD too. It's this classic feeling of: this always existed, or at least it feels like I've known it for years already. And as I listen more and become more familiar with them the magic still grows.

It's of course no coincidence to me that an album that relies so much on extreme levels of repetition is so addicting, even hypnotising. And once upon a time I thought that I couldn't like something that's too repetitive and therefore could be considered monotonous or "predictable". But nothing is predictable about LB actually. (Besides... ok, I'll get to that one bit later). But yeah, it's good for the brain. And it's been said before by others but this music definitely has this certain neurodivergent appeal thanks to all this, and, well, I love that aspect of it so much and I definitely relate to it on some level that goes even deeper than just song topics and instrumentation choices. It's in the structure and the fundaments of it all too.

I legally can't finish this without a dedicated paragraph to the 2004 Live In Stockholm performance because HOLY SHIT. Feeling so lucky again that all three of these albums got this treatment and we have recordings of these half-concert-half-performance-art pieces that we can now marvel at. I will say that like, a pretty big part of the sum of the appeal that LB has as an album is stored in this show and its visual and narrative elaboration on its themes. And also it's just so fun to watch! Sometimes I thought about how this might be an even better introduction to LB / this era of Sparks / Sparks in general than the actual album but well, never had a chance to test that and you know. Maybe shouldn't recommend Sparks with one of the most leftfield things there is to be found from them. Either way, very good, very important, felt like experiencing the power of LB for the first time all over again.

So now, please hear my exact reasonings for why I so deeply love (almost) every single one of these songs......

The Rhythm Thief

NO song made such a big impression on me the first time I heard it as this. I might have gotten more used to it after all this time but man, The Rhythm Thief, you will always be the realest one to me. This is what made me look forward to the whole album so much and convinced me that it would be like nothing else I've heard before. And that turned out to be so very beautifully true!

How Do I Get To Carnegie Hall?

I could listen to this one a hundred times in a row over and over and not get sick of it one bit. That's it, idk what else to add, beautiful and ethereal in every way

What Are All These Bands So Angry About?

Mostly I just want to direct everyone's attention to the bridge section, at the 2:26-2:52 time mark, which as far as I can say is the most heavenly piece of music ever made. Feeling like that Winnie The Pooh soul leaving his body gif each time I hear this

I Married Myself

Aromantic anthem, to me. Not that much to say actually but it's just, a very sweet and pretty song even when it might be taken as just this sort of ironic piece, I think it's this situation where a song can be taken more or less literally and it doesn't lose anything, rather the sincerity takes on a new sort of meaning? Because yes, maybe this hyperbolic situation (marrying yourself) COULD be the solution to the heartbreak of failed relationships. Ever thought about that??? Ok, stopping right here and leaving my I Married Myself analysis for another day

Ride 'Em Cowboy

My mind is blank on this one suddenly. But it's so good believe me. I love it a lot. It just has this LB spirit that makes it very addicting to listen to

My Baby's Taking Me Home

This was sort of the first Sparks song I've ever heard, or maybe that I quote-unquote purposefully listened to, and I think that's pretty important considering that it was the moment that ultimately lead to... all this. This song has always been incredibly beautiful and powerful to me, but lately it just makes me emotional to an extent that makes it hard to listen to most of the time. I WOULD sell all my material possessions for even one chance to experience this song live by the way

Your Call Is Very Important To Us. Please Hold

Earns soooo much as a live version, but even without that I think it's genius in the same way as The Rhythm Thief, and maybe the most disquieting piece here overall... If we ignore the next one maybe

Ugly Guys With Beautiful Girls

Sitting there hearing the intro of this song all like "huh, this is so chill and calm... too calm..." and then being hit with, well, everything that's going on in this song afterwards was truly THE MOMENT back in the day (and re: the predictability thing. idk though, it's not like, really an issue). Later on I decided that this sort of narrative nature of the song makes it have less replayability value than the rest (???) but I abandoned that opinion soon enough, thank god. I love it how long it took me to realize that this song and the ending of MBTMH are the only times when drums appear on this entire album (I mean no, I'm not very proud of that fact actually, as the self-proclaimed biggest LB fan in my area. And The Rhythm Thief literally saying "say goodbye to the beat"... come on man). So yes, sometimes less is more! I adore this song now it's such a treat I would gladly terrorize my neighbours with it

Suburban Homeboy

Ok, I'm sorry Suburban Homeboy fans but this is the only song here that I'm not a HUGE fan of. I still think it's brilliant and an incredibly fitting ending for the whole thing - the mood whiplash is amazing as this is the only "vaguely happy sounding" song on here, per my words from months back. And what's better than yelling WE ARE THE SUBURBAN HOMEBOYS! (I'm actually awaiting today's Sparks karaoke rating reveal very impatiently lol the reveal happened before I posted this and I'm very happy about it)

One more actually, a quick word on Wunderbar because it gave us two things that we might have not been able to do without: 1) this whole album actually (the fact that LB exists because of Wunderbar giving the Maels the idea to continue meddling with this style. Up there as one of my fav pieces of Sparks trivia) 2) anddddd the 21×21 performance of it of course

[loulines]

June 21st, 2020. We were in the middle of the first wave of a global pandemic, the entire world turned upside down.

Season 7 of The Clone Wars ended less than two months before. And on that day I did something that would forever change my life.

I joined a rexsoka group chat.

It was a small group, since Tumblr group chats weren't really big to begin with. And it was rexsoka, after all, I remember when we had only about 300 fics on AO3 at the time. I remember being very anxious about joining because I felt that I'm not gonna fit in and no one would like me.

If only I knew...

That moment was the beginning of the biggest rollercoaster of my life, full of both the happiest, and the most heartbreaking memories.

The group chat moved to Discord well before Tumblr removed the bugged and broken feature, to the server owned by the most amazing person I have ever known. The members joined and left, but a portion of the OG members have become my closest friends. We shared secrets with each other that we'd never share with anyone else, we joked, laughed, argued... But we'd still stick together, even if we spent less time interacting.

In the meantime I started drawing again, after being art blocked for years. Even though I will never get close to the most popular artists in the fandom, I was still shocked at the amount of feedback I've received. I will be forever grateful for that.

Then I moved on from reading fics to writing my own stories, and I even collabed on a fic, which I never thought I would do. It was amazing.

Over those 3 years I've done things I never would've expected myself to do before.

Both good and horrible things...

Now, 3 years later, on June 21st, 2023...

I don't know what I'm doing anymore... I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what to believe in anymore...

I kept hurting people, especially those closest to me, and I kept hurting myself.

Those anniversaries were always very important to me, because it was about meeting my dear friends.

But this anniversary...

I will spend attending my very first therapist appointment.

I don't even know what to expect from it, I'm beyond terrified. I'm terrified of the things I have to confess to them. I'm terrified of sharing my story and my problems with them because those memories make my heart bleed. I'm terrified of the diagnosis I might get or that the only "diagnosis" I will get will be the fact that I'm fucked up and just a terrible person in general.

But I have to do it. It's not only for myself, but in the majority it is. Because the only other option I have left would result in my name being put on my grave...

I don't know what will happen on the 4th anniversary. I no longer look into the future with anticipation. The past seems so distant nowadays and the present... Just is.

I want to thank everyone who's left a like, a comment, or a reblog on my posts. I'd like to thank each and every of my followers. I'd especially like to thank all my friends, the ones still around for still putting up with my bullshit, and to those I cannot talk to anymore, for putting up with my bullshit in the past. Thank you for the amazing memories.

And I'm sorry for all the trouble and drama I've caused.

I hope you guys stay healthy.

Maybe once I fix my mental health I'll go back to drawing and writing. And I'll stop being so overdramatic in my posts. And in my life as well.

x

[andy-wm]

I don’t think this is what he meant especially because Namjoon said he gets how he feels and shook his hand after. We all know Namjoon is single for a while now after going through a nasty breakup. Jimin and Jungkook’s bond is precious even though it’s now clearly not romantic.

He also said “Although I feel this way it’s not sad…” when speaking about Who. I think Jimin is strongly indicating that he has been single for a while. We should really take his words for what they are rather than trying to twist them into a narrative that makes jikook romantic. In the context of everything he said earlier in the video up until the Who talk it seems that he created Who to have the direct message of searching for his person. He was speaking about the song when he said that he felt this way. Not having those butterflies is what he is referring to when he says he feels flat, not sad but not exciting. Even if currently platonic jikook have a precious bond.

Imo these three sentences sums up MUSE and WHO perfectly instead of those essays wanting to connect it to jikook because we want them to be real :

https://x.com/jkyoongs/status/1814588120291287475

This is exactly what he told, meant and going through when he created this album. It's sad Jikook is not involved romantically but they still have a great bond given their trips and now enlistment but if Jimin is saying he's single without even feeling butterflies to fall in love then we have to accept that guys.

Hey Anon, thanks for this ask. Its so great to interact with someone who disagrees with me but doesn't have a huge chip on their shoulder about my views.

And honestly i can see that there are many ways to look at this situation.

Nobody can without a doubt claim they are romantic partners, just like nobody can without a doubt claim they are not. You and I have differing perspectives based on what we see and how we interpret it. We probably have different ways of seeing the world and different experiences of love.

And if one day we all find out that they were really just friends, I’ll shake your hand and, without screaming or crying, I'll accept that i was wrong. I hope you would do the same.

But right now, I don't think I am wrong on this.

Looking at the whole picture it seems to me that they are very much still romantic partners.

More like an old married couple with complicated and busy lives, but

Clearly still very focused on each other.

Clearly delighted with each other.

Clearly care deeply for each other.

Clearly spend a lot of time together despite being so busy.

Clearly attracted to each other.

Clearly physically comfortable with each other.

That's how i see it.

Am i prepared to die on the hill that their relationship is romantic? No, because I can't possibly know for absolute certain. Same reason i dont believe in god (although i think Jikook is more plausible than an old guy sitting in the clouds watching humanity like he's playing The Sims, just quietly... and yes bring on all the anon haters who are gonna want to thrash me because i'm an atheist).

But on the balance of evidence I'd say ...

they're still together.

Lets talk about MiniMoniMusic.

As for the Minimoni video, Jimin was there to talk about the album. It wasn't a conversation about his personal life.

He talked about not having excitement in his life, about his life being bland, and empty after suspending group activities. They hadn't been active as a team, and he was working really hard. It was a long time since he felt excited about something.

That sense of excitement was compared to having a crush and confessing his feelings. He said he can't remember the last time he felt that way, and the journey of MUSE was to make him feel excited again.

Tracks 1-5 were exploring the exciting emotions, like you would have when you're crushing on someone. That euphoria, the fizz in your belly, the high energy etc. That's what excitement feels like.

The crush conversation... This is the part that's throwing everyone.

He said he couldn't even remember the last time he had a crush, and Joon says I know how you feel and he and Joon laughed about that.

If it was because they've both come out of long term relationships (and we know Joonie's breakup was traumatic) why would they laugh?

They weren't laughing about being single, they were laughing about being OLD.

Remember what came next ... Jimin says the youngest in his band is really young so Jimin asked him about how a crush feels:

"Give me something since you're the youngest"

Because having a crush is something teenagers feel.

Jimin and Joon feel old, like they are a bit past having crushes. I believe that's what they're saying. And honestly, when was the last time you heard 30 year old men talking about their crush?

A crush and a long term romantic partner are two very different things.

At no point did he say he wasn't in a relationship.

+++++++++++++++

Edited to add a better translation of 'crush' , being one sided/unrequited love.

I'm not deleting what i originally posted because the reason jimin asked Evan is based on his youth.

+++++++++++++

One more thing i need to add...

In my experience, it's very difficult to go from being in a long term relationship to being platonic besties with your former romantic partner. It takes a LOT of work, and it requires energy, effort, and very carefully maintained boundaries.

Jimin & JK don't look like they're maintaining boundaries to me.

Based purely on the recent footage - the Are You Sure teaser they released - I see no sign of clear boundaries. Even in the Minimoni conversation Jimin says they drink and talk for 3-4 hours and it gets DEEP. That's a recipe for disaster with a former lover.

It also usually requires substantial time apart - YEARS maybe - to reset the relationship so you can be best friends without falling into old habits. We aren't talking high scool boyfriends who get the odd hour alone together here. We're talking months and months abroad in hotel rooms with nothing to do except listen to Lana Del Rey and... eat bread (apparently) 🤣🤣

Ok look, that last part was a tongue in cheek joke but they have spent YEARS under the same roof with zero reason not to be in each others bed, pants, shower, and anything else that sounds fun.

So honestly I don't buy the 'used to be lovers but now good friends' argument.

Those boys are comfortably intimate to such a level they don't know where one of them ends and the other begins.

[imaginesig]

"Ditch the clowns, get the crown / Baby, I'm the one to beat"

Pt. 2 of “Can someone give a message to the smallest man who ever lived”

Lewis Hamilton x ex!reader (barely)

Joe Burrow x singer!reader

SMAU

What happened between the breakup and Y/n's release of "The Tortured Poets Department: Eros." Once again I stole this entire story line from Taylor Swift. The timeline doesn't line up perfectly with the original but I do what I want

Yn_updates

Liked by user4, user83, user92, and 920,092 others

Yn_updates: after the drop of TTPD Y/n was seen at the Cincinnati’s Bengals game today!!

tagged: yn_ln

user1: she rlly said, bye futbol and went back to her roots

user2 it’ll always be Y/n and her little drink against the world

user3 chat what is going on

user4 I need Twitter to get working on a timeline bc the breakup album just dropped, but we think her and Lewis might have been broken up for a while before she went on break, but now she’s writing for a new man who is possible on either the Bengals??

yn_updates

liked by user98, user3, user1, and 928,282 others

yn_updates: Y/n at the last regular season Bengals game!

tagged: yn_ln

user1 ugh why does her break have to end before playoffs!! I don't want her to miss any games!!

user3 same! I've enjoyed seeing her and her fits

user2 even if it didnt the Bengals aren't predicted to go far this year

user4 I NEED to know what's happening bc there is no way she just up and decided to attend football games this religously

user5 and they're not just any football games, Bengals games. she didnt even grow up a Bengals fan, she was raised a Titan's fan

yn_ln

liked by user43, gracieabrams, sabrinacarpender, and 928,923 others

Yn_ln: Ugh South America!! Y’all are as beautiful as sparkling lights at midnight!! Big kisses to you all!! 🫶🫶

tagged: no one

user1 ahh best night of my life!!!

user2 she was so giddy and happy tonight

user3 im glad someone else noticed

user4 guys the surprise songs tonight where the first ones since the breakup about Lewis that she wasn't mad or sad

user5 was Lewis in attendance? Are my parents back together??

user6 nope, while Y/n was giggling her way through Delicate Lewis was attempting to overtake Lando in Italy

user7 we all see her smile right??

user8 I NEED to know who was behind it

user9 I've been searching but as of right now no one other than family and close friends were in the VIP tents

user10 when she sang it seemed like she directed it in one area of the crowd not the tents, so maybe this mystery person was on the floor

user11 normally I would call this theory crazy but people who were there said it was clear the second surprise song was clearly aimed at someone in the audience, but no ones been identified yet...

joeyb_9

liked by user93, lahhay10_, teehigins, and 823,929 others

joeyb_9: "You look like bad news, I gotta have you" or sum

tagged: lahjay10_

User12 HE DID NOT

user1 WHAT

user2 guys is this who I think it was

user3 my worlds just collided

lahya10_ great night- one for the books!

joeyb_9 you got that right

user4 OMG JOEY B AND J'MARR AT A Y/N CONCERT??

user5 im assuming we're all thinking the same thing...

user6 they were on the floor too, not in tents

user7 J'marr only posted a story about the night and didnt dress up, so it has to be Joe

user8 THE CAPTION HELLO

user9 brother thinks putting "or sum" makes it less obvious

user10 what if he's just a girl like us with hyper specific captions

user11 the fact that he dressed up on theme for the concert made him 10x hotter

bengals

liked by yn_ln, joeyb_9, user5, and 678, 982 others

bengals: "It's been a long time coming..." 🏆

tagged: no one

user1 admin you aint slick 🤨

user2 AND THE BENGALS ARE SUPER BOWL CHAMPS WHOOO

user3 AHHH DID ANYONE ELSE SEE Y/N'S FACE AT THE END

user4 her face?? Babe I saw her whole body go flying up when they won!

user5 ugh she's a good luck charm across all sports

User6 but this time the man backed her up with his own skill…

User7 damn Y/n fans switch up quick

joeyb_9

liked by yn_ln, teehiggins, bengals, and 918,289 others

joeyb_9: WE'RE CHAMPS BABY

tagged: bengals, yn_ln

yn_ln so proud!!

joeyb_9 ♥️

lahjay10_ HELL YEAH BROTHER

joeyb_9 💪💪

teehiggins that’s how we do!!

joeyb_9 that's how we do 👏👏

User1 OMG HIM AND Y/N???

User2 their celebrations were adorable!!

user3 I’m glad after all the speculation they’ve made it official \

user4 He is not afraid of showing her off🥹

user5 it makes me so happy for her

yn_ln

liked by joeyb_9, user93, user3, and 928,928 others

yn_ln: I'm with the winning team

tagged: joeyb_9

joeyb_9 so much better than a good luck charm ♥️

yn_ln ♥️♥️

user1 Lewis punching the air rn

user2 fr, she really called him a loser with the caption

user3 lmao I love shady Y/n

user4 HER AND JOE?? THATS THE CUTEST PIC EVER

user5 IKR

user6 THEY'VE BEEN PUBLIC FOR LIKE TWO SECONDS AND THEY ALREADY MAKE ME FEEL SO LONELY

user7 is she with the winning team or are they the winning team??

user8 y/n and Joe >>>

Yn_ln

liked by user79, user91, user91, and 918,901 others

Yn_ln: surprise!! "The Tortured Poets Department: Eros" out now!! This edition includes two new songs, "So High School" and "The Alchemy"

tagged: no one

comments have been disabled

Twitter post songs release:

Twitter first Paris show:

yn_ln

liked by joeyb_9, user82, landonorris, and 829,927 others

yn_ln: Fuck me up *Paris*!!!

tagged: no one

user1 AHHH TTPD SET WAS INCREDIBLE

user2 ugh buying more tickets now bc I HAVE to see the new set

User3 all the symbols I CANT

User4 she looked so stunning

User5 I cannot y’all Joe was there!!!!

user6 I lost my mind at all their moments!! Hes so shameless unlike Lewis

User7 Paris was so lucky!!

user8 it was adorable to see Joe smiling and SINGING all throughout the show, including his songs/TTPD set

user9 ahhh the singing got me!!! her exes would never

user10 all the friendship bracelets her received and wore-- he was so cute

user11 I love that he has arms full and refused to relive himself of any!!

joeyb_9

liked by yn_ln, user9, yn_updates, and 918,928 others

joeyb_9: Baby, you're the one to beat ♥️

tagged: yn_ln

comments have been limited

@toldyouitwasamelodrama

@swifth0lic

@erbri3r

[look-at-the-soul]

Can’t love in the dark (Part 2)

Tommy Shelby x reader

Sequel to “All I ask”

Request: kind of 🤭 @l1-l4 Andy threw a fantastic idea one day and I saw it, and from that moment I’ve been thinking about it daily… until this idea worked perfectly with another request for my Adele challenge ♥️ Andy, you asked for an angsty story, here you go! I hope you and everyone else like it 🥰 that gif was amazing and summed Tommy’s anger.

Summary: (There’s a time jump between this and the first part) Tommy keeps watching over Y/N, sending flowers, even after getting married to someone else. Until one day he exploded after finding the truth that caused a terrible accident.

“Can’t love in the dark” is one of my favorite Adele songs, the sentiment she sings with every time she performs it on stage gives me chills 🥹

⚠️ Angst but with a little surprise at the end 🤭

Word count: 4,727 (without the lyrics)

Making the decision to let Tommy go was the hardest thing you ever had to do, but it was for the best, or at least you tried to convince yourself of that. Crying your heart out at night you tried to comfort yourself by thinking that his baby would be able to grow next to his father. Forcing yourself to push aside the feelings and expectations you started to develop towards Tommy and the future he had shared with you that’d be taking off right after the races.

He’d have another priorities from now on.

The following day you quit your part time job at the Shelby Company Ltd. and focused entirely on the shoes shop. Tommy tried absolutely everything in his power but all he got in response was a sad glance that broke his heart or you leaving him at the shop speaking to himself while you pretended to be busy in the back.

There was nothing to be angry or resentful towards him, he slept with Grace before meeting you after all… but deep down you wished it was you instead of her the one getting pregnant.

With a heavy heart you thought how you could only dream of what could’ve been.

You had been on the edge ever since, struggling to sleep, eating the bare minimum, you felt like a fragile thing that’d break at the slightest contact, trying to hide from your poor father the sadness that you carried around like a heavy weight on your shoulders.

Nothing seemed to be working out the way he had planned. Not after you made it very clear that the future he had envisioned of the two of you together wasn’t possible, he held the hopes still, thinking you’d accept the marriage proposal and he could be there for his son, but you quickly let him him know that was way too modern and looked extremely bad for you. He tried convincing you over and over, assuring that it would be just fine because it was you the one he wanted to get married to, not Grace.

There was nothing he could say would convince you otherwise.

But what really hit him was that one time when you on the edge of crying asked him to leave, you actually yelled at him frustrated because it was too damn painful to accept the fact that he didn’t belong to you, you accepted out loud that you were jealous of Grace for giving him something you wouldn’t.

As weeks went by, he got the news that Grace’s husband ended with his own life, he decided to not get involved in that matter but it was hard to stay away at the same time because she was pregnant with his baby. She was deeply affected by the way events turned out, constantly on the edge and his major concern was the wellbeing of his unborn child so he did everything he could to ensure it. One thing led to the other and he ended up getting married with Grace because it was the right thing to do.

So here he was, stuck in a marriage for the wrong reasons, thinking of another woman, dreaming of another woman that was slowly, little by little slipping away from him. It was impossible to focus on the fucking papers in front of him, work had been pilling up because he was always looking for a ridiculous excuse to see you, even from afar.

Polly stormed into her nephew’s office fuming after learning that he had blinders guarding Y/N when she took the train to the south to see a new vendor. Despite what happened, Polly still had a good relationship with her.

“It’s been over a year Thomas, you have to let her go, you got married to Grace, have a son now… Y/N needs to live her life, rebuild and start over.”

“What the fuck do you mean start over?” He squinted his eyes, blowing away the smoke of his cigarette.

“Oh! Please don’t play dumb with me, do you really expect her to remain single forever?”

The realization sinking in, it felt as if he got kicked in the gut. The long gulp of whiskey didn’t help.

“No… no, there can’t be another man in her life.”

“Are you even listening to what you say?! She deserves to be happy!”

“What do you know? Ey?!”

“There’s someone who’s interested in her but he can’t get close because of your bloody guards!” Polly exploded.

Jaw clenched at the thought of another man starting to court you. No, anything but that.

“I’ve to protect her.” Tommy leant on his desk with palms wide open. Head hanging low.

“You lost her and all for your stupid revenge towards the woman you’re married now!”

“I never thought she would get pregnant, trust me that wasn’t my intention.”

“But it’s too late now for that… just let the girl move on.” Turning on her heels she walked towards the door. “And be more discreet, the maids keep gossiping about how you are sleeping in the guest room.”

****

Hearing the bell, you called from the back of the room; “The store is closed now, I just forgot to change the sign” but you cut yourself after finding him at the other side of the counter.

“Y/N… please.”

Take your eyes off of me so I can leave

I'm far too ashamed to do it with you watching me

Defeated, you gave up, manners long forgotten. “How many times do I have to tell you that you’re not welcomed here anymore?”

Your attitude made him remember the first time he saw you and Tommy had to hide the smirk that was about to appear on his lips.

Please, stay where you are

Don't come any closer

“Just leave, Thomas, for good.” You pointed at the door. “Goodness, sometimes I wish you could keep your fucking promise and burn this fucking place down so I would’ve a reason to go away.” You admitted with anger, pacing the small shop.

Don't try to change my mind

I'm being cruel to be kind

“I could never do that to you.”

“That look doesn’t charm me anymore, your shoes are new, I bet all bloody Birmingham has new shoes so you really don’t have anything else to do here.”

“I want to help you.”

“Don’t.” You stated bluntly. “I don’t want your help or anything for the matter.”

“When I look around and see all I got, I should be pleased by the way things turned out. But I can’t… because I’m not sharing it with you.”

He was sincere and genuine, you knew that.

“Those were your dreams, not mine.” You added one more -an unnecessary- coat of product to clean the shoes, just to distract you from his gaze.

“Polly mentioned you need to move on. But I can’t let you go.” He was selfish without question, but those strong feelings for you didn’t go away even after marrying Grace.

“So I assume you’ll just go and use that razor blade in any potential man I lay my eyes on.”

“That’s not a bad idea, I’ll consider it thanks.” He added with a smile, loving the irritation in your eyes.

“What do you want Thomas?”

“You.”

It was one word but it included everything he really wanted.

“And what do you suggest then? You want me to be your mistress? That’s not going to happen.”

“Y/N…”

Emotions got the best of her, her eyes filled with tears. “I can’t love you in the dark.”

“Do you nee-”

I can't love you in the dark

It feels like we're oceans apart

There is so much space between us

Baby, we're already defeated

Shaking your head you gave him a warning look. “If you don’t leave right now, I’m going to start throwing shoes at your head for real.”

That was an image he would’ve loved to see, and deep down he knew you would do it without a doubt. So he decided to save himself the embarrassment and headed to the door, but before he even got to open the door, he turned to give you one more look.

Everything changed me

“Please just don’t kiss him the same way you kissed me… cause if you do, you’ll remember me.”

Your fist closed around the shoe you had been holding, way to expensive to throw it away, so instead you threw the brush you had been using. Letting out a groan in frustration.

Time didn’t make it any easier to forget him, all the opposite the feelings for him seemed to be stronger than ever, you wouldn’t stand between him and his son. You returned every single present and basket with fruits and flowers he sent over the last months right after reading every note he added to whatever the present was. His words were tattooed in your heart.

You have given me something that I can't live without

You mustn't underestimate that when you are in doubt

If only he didn’t see Grace back then, you’d be enjoying life together.

****

“You wanted to see me Tommy?” Scudboat poked his head from the door.

“Come in, close the door.” As he saw the blinder step in, he took a long swing of his whiskey, the liquid burning. “I need you to ask your wife to go to Y/N’s shoes shop.”

“Again?” Asked in shock Scudboat, he just went last week, but as Tommy gave him a dead stare, he hid his hands in his pockets.

“Yes, again, but ask her to go on Monday after eleven o’clock that’s after Y/N left for the market, and it will take her a while to go back to the shop and you’ll give her mother this money.” Tommy planned. He knew you’d go then to prepare lunch for your father and eat with him, then you’d take over the shoe shop while your mother returned home.

Tommy knew every single step you took, at what time you got the newspaper and each vendor you’d visit. Yet, you were so far away from him.

It was unfair for you, he knew that. He’d never ask you to be his mistress or anything, he just wished to find a fucking way to get you back. It was hard also for him to admit there was a time when he thought that maybe, just maybe over time he’d learn to love Grace like he used to years ago, but deep down he knew he’d never fully forgive her for betraying him. Let alone having a son together would make their marriage work.

But I don't want to carry on like everything is fine

The longer we ignore it, all the more that we will fight

“What happened Johnny?” Tommy cleared his throat getting anxious by the minute.

“Ehh you won’t like I-” Johnny muttered but he cut himself off when Grace stepped into the office.

“Tommy…” she looked over at Johnny several times, like trying to give him a hint to leave them. “It’s getting late.”

He found it extremely annoying to get interrupted, leaning back in his chair he flicked his cigarette. “I know.”

“Are you coming to say goodnight to Charlie?” She tried batting her eyelashes at him, the sweetest smile on her lips.

“Later, I’m working.”

“Bu-”One annoyed look and a loud sigh and Grace brought a hand to the end of her hair to disguise her disappointment. “Alright.”

Rolling his shoulders, Tommy looked at Johnny again. “So?”

“Tom I don’t like this, why can’t you just leave the poor girl alone? You’ve a family now, a boy.”

But Tommy kept shaking his head. “I’m paying you to watch her and report her moves to me, not asking if you like it or not.”

Polly knew him, his uncle Charlie was able to read him like the palm of his hand, but Johnny couldn’t understand the motives to keep tracking Y/N down.

“You broke up a year ago, got married… there’s no reason to-”

“Johnny, I’m not going to ask you again.” He dragged the words, if it wasn’t for the desk between them, he would’ve Johnny Dogs by the collar of his shirt now.

“Y/N is dating someone.” Johnny murmured, keeping his head down.

A heavy silence filled the Arrow House office.

Please, don't fall apart

I can't face your breaking heart

Tommy got up from his chair and walked quietly towards the window finding darkness only.

“Who is he?” He asked with more control than he expected.

Johnny made a face. “Don’t do this to yourself Tommy, let her move on.”

The man with icy eyes gave him a side look, it was enough to make him talk.

“He’s a Doctor, respectable, good background, treats her right, sends flowers every four or five days, walks with her to the park on Wednesdays and Fridays, on Saturday he goes in for dinner but leaves right after that. On Sundays she brings him food to the hospital and...”

“Apple pie?” Tommy completed while Johnny nodded.

Tommy knew the fucking recipe from start to finish, he could almost smell it and his mouth watered by the simple memory of how it tasted.

Did she give the doctor a small piece with her fork like she used to do with him?

Did she kiss the corner of his mouth after having a bite to remove the remains of sugar?

“That’s all Johnny, thank you.” He swallowed hard, memories making his chest ache.

Johnny wondered if he should also tell Tommy another thing he found out while following them.

Stopping right in front of the heavy door, Johnny twisted the peaky cap between his hands.

“He bought a ring two days ago Tommy.”

“Johnny,” His emotionless voice stopped him, “don’t follow her, you can go back to the gypsy camp.”

Once alone, Tommy pinched the bridge of his nose, defeated he took the glass of whiskey upstairs.

Looking at his son sleeping in his crib he couldn’t help but wonder why he made the mistake of fucking Grace that one time, he swore he could contain himself and he’d only use her to drive Campbell mad. But no, he was weak and the only time they were together she got pregnant. This wasn’t supposed to be how he envisioned his life, he wanted to date you, then propose to you, get married and start a family… you had been there for him to pick up the broken pieces from the ground that Grace left. Somehow you managed to make him softer, showed him he could trust and love again.

It wasn’t a surprise when you took a step back, didn’t accept his apologies, didn’t want to hear his explanations, packing your belongings from his office the very same night of the races, and closed the doors to your heart.

He begged, was willing to get on his knees to ask for forgiveness but you wouldn’t listen. His first mistake was to sleep with Grace that night, the second, marry her because she was with a child.

Was he being selfish? How could he let you go when you got so deep inside his heart?

You were slipping away from him, little by little, if you officially started a relationship with someone else, that man won’t waste time after realizing how fucking awesome you were, and if that happened, there was nothing left he could do to get you back.

I can't love you in the dark

It feels like we're oceans apart

There is so much space between us

“Why don’t you come to bed, Tommy?” Grace circled his desk and slipped her arms around his neck from behind. “It’s late.”

“In a minute.” He replied pretending to look at the papers scattered over the oak desk.

“I think you sho-”

“I said in a fucking minute!” He lost it.

Grace made a little jump when he raised his voice. “I heard what you said, I’m just trying to be a good wife.”

“Don’t try, Grace… just don’t try.” He added sharply.

“I’m doing everything I’m supposed to be doing Tommy, I take care of our house, look over Charlie, I make sure you’ve everything you need and yet I’m always alone here and when my husband is finally home by the end of the day I want him to take care of me.”

Tommy saw Grace toying with her wedding band.

“I’ve a load shit to do, alright?”

“Is that true or are you sleeping with some whore around?”

Her accusation made him snap his head at her. “What did you just said?”

“You haven’t even touch me in weeks…”

He wanted to sarcastically laugh at her question. You wouldn’t let him set a foot in your shop, let alone sleep in your bed.

“The way I see it, if you’re not with me that means you’re fucking someone else. Just tell me what you want and I’ll do it.”

He didn’t have the balls to say that the last time they slept together, he fantasized it was you instead of her, your name almost slipped out of his lips. But it would’ve drive Grace mad.

“I’m trying to go legal, Grace. That’s all… just go to sleep.”

“Tomm-” She started again but he cut her off.

“Don’t make me repeat myself again.”

Before she left, Tommy could swear he heard a sob but he was busy emptying the whiskey in his glass as he stared into the fire absently. Throwing his head back atop of the couch he wondered if you were by yourself that night.

The following day Grace insisted on joining him to visit his beloved horse, who was being trained at another facility. She started telling Charlie he’d see horses and the kid got too excited to advice her against the idea.

“… as I walked into the jewelry, I saw these lovely earrings that match perfectly…” Grace chatted non stop as they were on their way to the stables. He was looking forward a quiet day, but Grace had other ideas.

He just wished she could sleep just like Charlie was doing in her arms.

“Are you listening?”

Tommy dragged his eyes from the road to look at Grace for an instant, snapping out of his own thoughts.

“Yeah.”

“So what do you think?”

Shuddering, he took a long puff from his cigarette, feeling the smoke burn in his throat.

“I knew it, Tommy… you’re not paying attention.”

“Can you please stop this?!”

“Don’t raise your voice, you’ll wake up Charlie.” She tried but it was too late, the kid was already fussing. “See what you did?”

“You started this.” He pointed angrily.

“Shh, shh Charlie don’t cry.” Grace tried to get his boy settled, luckily he found a couple of horses out there.

“Look over there Charlie.” Tommy pointed. “There’s a horse.”

“Joshiee.” Charlie repeated, clapping.

Stopping the car, Tommy took Charlie in his arms, leaving Grace behind him. The gentleman in him wouldn’t be proud. But each passing day it was harder to pretend that he cared.

Placing his son on the ground, Tommy offered his hand to guide him.

“Come ‘ere.” Pointing at the fishes in the water trough, Tommy looked at the kid smiling with his chubby hand extended. “Goldfish keep the water clean.” He explained as if Charlie could understand. Grace joined them minutes later.

“I’ve been thinking… we should go away, for a family holiday.” Grace proposed brushing away a lock from her face.

Tommy shook his head instantly.

“Can’t do that, I’ve lots of work to do.”

“For a few days.” She tried again.

“No, you can go with Charlie though.”

Grace unamused expression didn’t have any effect on him. He was used by now.

*****

Tommy felt a rush of adrenaline through his body as he pushed past the people gathered on the street. The flames consuming the small shop, people trying to use buckets to attempt to extinguish the fire.

“Y/N!” Was all he could think of as he was desperately looking around for you.

We're not the only ones, I don't regret a thing

Every word I've said, you know I'll always mean

Everything was chaos.

Someone shoved him from behind, but since he let his guard down, he never noticed. An angry voice called for him and he recognized it right away.

“You must be happy now, finally kept your promise of burning my place down… MY MOTHER WAS INSIDE! You bastard! Get outta here!” Your fist landed on his chest as he was trying to process everything.

Tommy felt a rush of relief wash over him as he saw you were alive, but then he got in defensive mode.

“You destroyed years of hard work! My grand parents opened this store, my father started here cleaning shoes until he got a promotion and met my mother.” You spat with tears in your eyes, not caring about the venom and anger in your voice, or the people staring. “I HATE YOU THOMAS SHELBY, and I hope you pay for this.”

“I didn’t do this.” He let out a heavy sigh, shocked by your accusation.

His heart was shattered to know you thought he could do something like this. His stomach turned into a tight knot as he found the disappointment in your eyes.

“As if I didn’t know you, leave for good and don’t you ever come back.” You spat with anger oozing from every pore.

It is the world to me that you are in my life

But I want to live and not just survive

Walking backwards, he stumbled with someone who was trying to help. On his way to his vehicle he saw your mother sitting next to another woman on bench, at least she wasn’t injured.

“Find whoever did this.” Tommy instructed one of the blinders before leaving the place, he still couldn’t believe this was happening, but he had an engagement to attend and besides there was nothing he could do if you didn’t want him there.

Rushing into Arrow House he needed to hurry up to be on time, luckily Frances had his outfit prepared. The phone had been ringing in his office, but he really needed to get out of the house as soon as possible, after adjusting the last touches to his tuxedo, he moved to walk around the car, finding Grace already waiting for him. She welcomed him with a smile and a kiss that took him by surprise, there was something in her eyes different, it seemed like she didn’t had been bothering him about another woman in his life.

“Everything will get better for us after tonight Tommy, I just know.” She checked her reflection.

He doubted it was a possibility, but decided to have a peaceful night for once, specially at an event like this. He needed to raise funds.

“Where have you been? You were almost late.” She asked casually disturbing the peace he was looking for.

“Had some trouble at the shop. Finn messed up.” He lied.

“Hmm that’s weird, I looked for you there and couldn’t find you.”

“Went to the Garrison afterwards, that’s the reason I was late.” The lies slipped from his lips so easily.

She wanted to add something else, but Polly intercepted him by the door. “Scudboat has been looking for you, he looked deadly worried but wouldn’t tell me what’s going on.”

“Polly not now, please.” Turning around his head, he found the city Council leader with Grace.

And as they engaged in conversation, Tommy’s gaze was fixed by the entrance, as Father John Hughes and that insufferable MP entered. He couldn’t even stand to watch them, they weren’t welcome so he better hurry up to finish whatever the hell they’re wanted.

“Brother you need to know something.” Arthur whispered into his ear pushing him towards the staircase for some privacy.

With a heavy sigh, Tommy shook his head. “Not now Arthur, I can’t deal with anything else right now.” He spotted his wife talking to that mad Duchess.

“It was Grace.” Arthur admitted.

Confused, Tommy gave him a long look.

“Grace started the fire at the shoes shop, she saw a woman inside and thought it was Y/N. Someone recognized her.”

His head was spinning, anger building up and reaching unknown limits. Everything was so confusing, the bile rising up in his throat. Y/N could’ve been dead by now.

Storming like a bull he pushed past the people to find his wife.

“Come with me.” He grabbed Grace by the arm roughly making her gasp.

“Tommy I was talking to-”

“Why are you so worked up Mr. Shelby?” Tatiana smirked. His head was pounding. “I was telling your wife about the sapphire she’s wearing.”

“Tatiana said it’s Russian.” Grace interjected eager to participate.

And somehow the conversation escalated quickly, Tatiana kept pushing Grace’s buttons but at the moment he needed to keep the Duchess at bay. He’d deal with his wife’s jealousy later.

Scanning the room, he found Ada, fucking finally! Now he needed to deal with a spoiled princess he thought unamused. As his sister charmed Grace about a fucking donation, he tried to convince Tatiana it was a bad idea to go to the factory, but she was stubborn and had certain urgency to fuck him. There was nothing more discouraging than a woman selling herself off.

He was done. Fucking done of everything; the economic league, the duchess, his wife’s lies. This woman was absolutely mad

But time stopped as the duchess told him the sapphire had been cursed by a Gypsy. His ears were ringing, a shiver ran down his spine. Tommy had lost his faith back in France, but if there was one thing he believe in was spirits and Gypsy curses.

Speechless, he reached his wife in a few long strides.

“We need to talk.” Waving his hands anxiously he pointed at Grace’s necklace. “Take it off.”

“No, why?” Grace hissed visibly pissed off. “Tommy you gave it to me. Why are you doing this? You want to give it to someone else?”

“Here we fucking go.” He scoffed bothered. “I don’t fucking care, you want me to say this in front of them? Fine, I’ll tell you what I just learned.”

Anger was boiling inside of him, he simply didn’t care anymore.

He couldn’t explain the real reasons behind his request. “You told me you stopped by the office earlier huh?” He glanced someone passing towards the grand salon for diner. “But you forgot to mention that afterwards you stopped by at a shoes shop, the last place where a woman like you would be, Grace.” Looking up at the ceiling he blew the air he had been holding. “You started a fire at that shoes shop and don’t even try to lie, because people saw you.”

Grace’s features contorted. “Yes, I did it… because you’re distant with me, I know you wanted to marry that shoe saleswoman.”

Tommy saw red. “Yeah, I was going to marry her and when she heard you were pregnant she took a step back, walked away from me. That’s the biggest and selfless act of love.”

That's why I can't love you in the dark

“And where would you be today if it wasn’t for me?” She asked with her jaw clenched.

“Right here with her giving a beautiful speech about kindness.”

“I’m glad she’s dead by now.” She attempted to walk away, but Tommy took her by the shoulders.

“You should be thankful sh-”

“I don’t care about anything related to her.” Grace replied.

“Well, you should.”

“And why would I care about her?”

“BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT HER!” He lost control, Polly turned her head around at the shouting. “MORNING, NOON, AND NIGHT… I CARE ABOUT HER.”

Grace walked backwards, looking down.

“You’re lucky she wasn’t at the shop, she’s alive and I’m going to find her after the gala is over.” Tommy admitted triumphantly.

A man stormed in his direction out of the blue.

“For Angel!” He shouted right before firing his weapon.

The gunshot echoed in every corner of the room.

In the middle of the chaos, Tommy noticed Grace’s body leaned against him harshly, there was blood everywhere and people screaming. Tommy fell to the floor by the impact and Grace’s weightless body.

He called for help, and ambulance, anyone but Grace was already gone…

Someone took her lifeless body away from him and he wasn’t able to react, he remained frozen on spot in a corner. Replaying the images over and over.

Y/N swallowed hard after debating the entire afternoon whether if you were doing the right thing or not, yet here you stood if front of the venue where the Shelby family was leading a gala to raise funds to help people in need. One of the many dreams Tommy had shared with you.

Once the fire was controlled and people started to leave, one of the blinders who helped your mother to come out of it unharmed to let you know it had been Tommy’s wife the one who caused it, not him.

And guilt had been eating you alive ever since.

You needed to apologize for all the terrible things you said to him. You didn’t hate him, said it out of anger.

“Y/N! Oh, there’s been a tragedy… Grace is dead.”

****

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I’m so happy the first part was so well accepted, hoping this following part will like you too… did you see that coming? If you have a few minutes, I’d LOVE to hear what you think!

Master list

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[tyrantisterror]

You seem to have been enjoying Baldur's Gate III a lot. Would you mind giving your thoughts on the individual companions? I'm just curious to see what your take on them is.

Yeah sure! The game's been rotting my brain for months now in part because of its character writing, so I can stand to gush about the companions a bit.

Before we get to the companions individually, I want to talk about them as a group, because one of the things that makes this game so impressive to me is its commitment to its core themes, and that extends to how the companions were crafted as a group. See, each of the core six companions have the following things in common:

The mindflayer tadpole that threatens to turn them into a monster against their will (i.e. the thing that gets them all together on a quest)

A personal history of being abused and exploited by someone they trusted

A Want that comes as a result of their personal history of abuse that is self destructive but understandable given their circumstances

A Need that comes as a result of their personal history of abuse that they have written off or ignored because their past makes them think fulfilling it is impossible

A point in their character arc where they will come into conflict with the player character if the player character tries to advocate for their Need over their Want. If the player values the Want over the Need, the relationship will initially go smoother, but end badly.

The overall theme of Baldur's Gate 3 can be loosely summed up in one of its major recurring songs, I Want to Live, and that's ultimately what each character's arc is a variation of: the desperate desire to live in a world that has been trying to kill your mind, body, and soul to the best of its ability. Got it? Cool, we can talk about the characters now that we've got this established.

Oh, and, uh, this game covers some... HEAVY themes, given that abuse is one of the common denominators between the companions. I'm going to try to be gentle in talking about it, but this will cover some of that subject matter, so this is your warning if you want to avoid that.

Companion 1: Astarion, My Bisexual Awakening

I'm going to start with the companion I feel is the most talked about/popular/overexposed I suppose, Astarion. I feel like anyone with even the vaguest knowledge of Baldur's Gate 3 probably recognizes Astarion at this point, even if it's just as "that annoying vampire twink I'm sick of seeing." There's already a growing "he's popular so he sucks" movement about Astarion here on tumblr and at the cesspool of hate known as Twitter, because of course there is, he's popular, ergo he must suck.

...

I think Astarion is one of the best written video game characters of all time.

There's this one great tumblr post that summarizes Astarion's role in the narrative really well, with the great punchline of "Astarion is kinda like if they sexualized gollum," which is not only funny but perfectly accurate. I can't really top that, so I'm just going to talk around some of its points a bit, but I highly recommend reading it yourself, it's more concise and well-thought out than whatever this ramble will be.

But, ok, so, "I Want to Live" is our theme, right? Astarion is dead. Dead to begin with, Marley style. He has been killed, at a young age, before his time. Sure, he was brought back to a sort of life, being a vampire and a member of the undead and all, but the life he knew is gone. All the pathos one can mine from being a vampire is played up here, for as Astarion himself notes, he's not even a full fledge vampire, but a vampire spawn - "All of the drawbacks, few of the perks." Worse, as a vampire spawn, he's magically bound to the will of the vampire that turned him - forced to live out his undead life as a slave to a sadistic monster that abused him in every way a person can be abused.

Which is why Astarion is the only companion who's entirely thankful for the mindflayers kidnapping him and implanting a tadpole in his head - because they broke that magic connection to his master, and gave him resistances to many of the stock vampire weaknesses to boot (hungry tadpole doesn't want its meat suit burning in the sun, after all). Astarion's life was so fucked that getting a brain-eating parasite was a unilateral improvement.

But while the magic connection is severed, the psychological affect of the abuse Astarion suffered lingers. His master made him use sex as a lure to bring victims to his lair, and so Astarion still believes that he has to offer people sex to "earn his keep" - that his body is a tool for others to use for their gratification, and if he refuses their desires he puts his life at peril. Astarion hates putting himself out to help other people not only because no one has done that for him during his long undead life, but because doing so puts his life at risk. Astarion is power hungry - his Want is to be as strong, no, stronger than his master, so that way he can never be afraid again. Astarion Wants to be a true vampire.

His need, however, is to find value in the life he has now. He needs people who love him for who he is, not what he can offer, and who will protect him the way he has needed protecting for hundreds of years. His need is to be shown that kindness isn't a weakness, that charity is possible, that power does not have to be gained through selfish and cruel means. You're shown this in the game's approval mechanic - while Astarion will disapprove of you putting yourself out on a limb for others and revealing sensitive information freely, he has a soft spot for whenever you help someone who, like him, is being exploited. Because while he'll protest otherwise, Astarion wants to believe kindness is possible, and that the horrible things he's suffered don't define him. Astarion may believe he's just a tool to serve others' desires, but that doesn't mean he doesn't wish to be more than that.

And I know the cynics among you are like "Oh, ok, so the cute vampire twink has a ludicrously tragic backstory. How is that original or good writing?" Because that's the thing, right? If there's an effeminate, brooding bad boy character that lots of teenage girls like in a piece of media, it HAS to be shallow wangst at its core. Every tumblr sexyman is just Edward Cullen when you cut past the bullshit, right?

Like, I know I'm not going to convince the "Thing popular so thing bad" crowd on Astarion's quality no matter how many words I write, but, like, there is a reason for the hype. Dude's got fucking layers! The different interactions with him you can have, the dimensions you can bring out of him by how you choose to engage with him, all paint this great tapestry of a character who takes the concept of a vampire and explores it to a depth few pieces of media have every plunged to.

And he's fucking funny! Dude's got some of the best lines in the game, and his voice actor didn't just give him a sexy sultry voice, but, like, shades of Tim Curry that make him endearingly weird and goofy and witty as hell while still being very sexy.

And yes, he's a sexy vampire, that's a big point in his favor and what most people are dwelling on. And I'm standing by the sexy part - listen, for the past few years I've been kind of wrestling with whether or not I'm bisexual, and the question was laid to rest the first time this fucker flirted with me in game. My heart raced, my cheeks flushed, I reflexively giggled and went "Whoo!" like a Southern Belle in need of a feinting couch. Every time he's flirted with me since has given me the fucking vapors. Thank you, Astarion, I'm bi for sure now. you solved that fucking riddle pretty decisively.

Let's move on.

Companion 2: Shadowheart, A Fellow Lapsed Catholic

Shadowheart is a bundle of contradictions. She's got some of the best quips and quickest wits in the game, and she's also a huge fucking dork. She is oozing with confidence about the role she's been assigned to play and is incredibly assertive in group social situations, but on her own she's a mess of insecurities and is constantly plagued with doubts about her worth. She's constantly preaching about the need to be pragmatic and self-focused, but loves it whenever you are kind and generous. Depending on your choices during the tutorial level, she can become the first ride-or-die party member you get, and she's also a miserable pile of secrets who is terrified of you discovering what she really is.

See, Shadowheart is a cleric of Shar, the Goddess of Darkness, which is both in a literal and figurative sense - that is, Shar is the goddess of night and the absence of light, but, like, also the goddess of loss, and sorrow, and hopelessness, and secrets, and lies. The Goddess of Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss, basically. Being raised to follow the goddess has plagues Shadowheart with guilt over the secrets she's had to keep, the cruelties she's had to inflict, and the distance she's kept from all people in her life as a result of the church's creed. If you're a nerd who comes into this game knowing who Shar is, you'd probably be immediately suspicious of Shadowheart when you find out her alleigance, because Shar's basically one of the more prominent evil gods whose followers are always fucking things up for everyone.

However, I did not come into this game knowing that, but I did come into it knowing what's it's like to be raised in a religion that teaches you that many of your natural desires for companionship are wrong and to feel guilt and paranoia over how your every action will be judged, for like Shadowheart, I am also a Catholic.

Shadowheart's Want is to become a Dark Justiciar, which is basically the Sharran equivalent of the Spanish Inquisition, and to fully prove her devotion to Shar's will. The way she talks about Shar is so thickly coded with the way children of abusive parents talk about said parents that's it's legitimately frightening to witness at times. Shadowheart doesn't blame Shar for hurting her, she knows it's her fault for disappointing Shar in the first place.

Shadowheart's Need is to leave the fucking Catholic church. Depending on your choices, she can accomplish this with the help of two moon-worshipping lesbians, at which point she dyes her hair a color that would piss off her parents Shar and proceeds to indulge in a somewhat hedonistic rebellion of self actualization that only a lapsed Catholic can fully comprehend. I love her.

Companion 3: Lae'Zel, The World's Most Loyal Toad

Ok, so, brief tangent: one of my favorite games of all time is Dragon Age Origins, and it is one of my favorite games of all time in part because it has Morrigan, one of the best characters in all of fantasy fiction, fuck you fight me. Morrigan is a divisive character in the DA fandom because she is notoriously hard to please if you're trying to be a good person - it was so prominent a criticism, in fact, that "Morrigan Disapproves" was put on a fucking t-shirt to play on/monetize the controversy.

But, see, the thing about Morrigan is that she's 1. incredibly complex and 2. designed to challenge your worldview, and to be challenged in turn. Morrigan isn't just an evil bitch, she has a genuine philosophy for why she behaves as coldly as she does, which in part stems from her awful upbringing by her cruel, selfish hermit mother who was trying to shelter her from an even crueller world that would see her in chains just for being a witch. Morrigan has been taught that love is a weakness others will exploit, that kindness is folly, and that everyone is out for themselves. And you need to contradict her on that - getting to know her inevitably involves fighting her on this point, and you proving to her that the cruelty she's been taught is wrong. If you are willing to listen, to argue, to truly understand this character, she grows because of you. It makes her character arc so fucking satisfying, when you get to the end of the game and she realizes that she does love you, she does want to be kind, and that even though she now feels more accutely than ever how love has made her weak, she can't be without it. It's so fucking good.

I bring Morrigan up because almost all the companions in Baldur's Gate 3 are on her level, in part because they are designed like her - to challenge you and be challenged in turn. And none of the core six are more like her than Lae'zel.

Which, sadly, includes the fan backlash part. A lot of fans of the game hate Lae'zel - she's too mean, they say, too hostile, to proud of her strange and callous worldview, too critical of our normal and kind outlook, too difficult to relate to.

These people are cowards.

If Shadowheart is Catholic, then Lae'zel is, like, Christian Reformed. A fundie. She's been training at Githyanki Bible Camp for years to be her lichqueen's perfectly loyal soldier, only to run into this minor snag of being kidnapped by Mindflayers, the ancestral enemies of her people, and infected with a tadpole that will turn her into one of them, the Worst Fate that can become a Githyanki. Luckily, she's read all of her people's Chick Tracts, and knows that if she can get to one of the Githyanki creches, they can use their special machine to pray the tadpole out of her brain and save her.

Lae'zel has drunk the metaphorical kool-aid of her people, but only to a point. See, Githyankis are viciously racist, but Lae'zel is REALLY quick to accept you and most of the other companions (not Shadowheart, though, as like a true Fundie, she cannot stand a Catholic) despite them not being Giths like herself. Yeah, she'll preen and posture about the superiority of her kind a bit, but she sides with you within seconds of meeting you, and from that point on she is ride or die until you give her a good reason to think otherwise. Lae'zel can be mean, stubborn, and arrogant, but she is above all else loyal.

Her Want is to be a perfect Githyanki warrior, earning the respect of her queen and serving her endlessly in the Astral Plane. Of course, when you actually get to that creche she's pointing you towards early in the game, this all falls apart on her, because just like Fundamentalist Christianity, Githyanki culture is little more than a sham designed to uphold an evil and exploitative power structure where the rich drain the life and resources of everyone beneath them and declare it the will of the divine. In this case, that "drain the life" part is explicitly literal, as the Githyanki queen literally devours the life force of any gith that gets even a bit close to rivaling her in power. If Lae'zel tries to follow her dream, it will end with her queen eating her soul.

Lae'zel's Need is to not only break out of her culture's indoctrination, but to find a way to make her life worthwhile on her own terms. It's heartbreaking to witness, honestly, because unlike the other core companions, Lae'zel has no idea what a life outside of her Want looks like. What is she without serving her queen? What the hell does she want? If you've been taught God your queen is all that is good, then how the fuck you you figure out what good is when you realize she's actually evil?

And while she goes through this seriously traumatic existential crisis, she finds the energy to be invested in the struggles of you and your companions. When the other characters are going through The Shit in their respective arcs, Lae'zel is always quick to note that she thinks they are strong and deserve more than they're getting - even Shadowheart, that fucking Catholic!

Because the first word you'd ever use to describe Lae'zel, the one that most succinctly captures who she is, is LOYAL. She fucking rocks, I love her.

Companion 4: Wyll, The Unjustly Underrated

Almost no one talks about Wyll and it fucking sucks, man. I mean, we all know why (it starts with a Ra and ends in a Cism), but still it fucking blows dude. And yes, I include myself in this, anyone who's followed my blog can tell that Wyll's not the companion I fixate on the most.

But listen, I promise you, if the game let me take along four companions instead of three, Wyll... would be competing with Lae'zel for spot #4, and Lae'zel might win out because she's an angry girl, but... fuck I'm losing the plot.

Wyll is great though! He's severely underrated! He's one of the nicest companions you'll get, first of all, but he's not just a nice guy. Everyone's got layers in this, right? Wyll is nice, but he's also a bit arrogant - a glory hound, really. He's the only companion who's given himself a superhero name, and he routinely uses it. Dude wants to be fuckin' Batman so bad, it's wonderful.

He's also the most actively fucked member of the party. Everyone's got abusers in their past, but Wyll's is the only one who's followed him to your camp. Mizora, the devil he sold his soul too, frequently shows up to give him shitty tasks and shittier punishments, and is one of the most hateful fucking characters I have ever encountered in my life. Like, to put this in perspective: if you know me, you know that I have certain... preferences... when it comes to women. So if there was, say, a demon lady character who's also a bit of a dominatrix, and I fucking hated her guts, you'd probably be a bit surprised given, you know, my preferences.

But the way Mizora treats Wyll? The way she talks about him and to him? It's fucking heinous. She's not fun evil, she's evil evil, and she's got to fucking go.

It kind of reframes Wyll's kindness and cockiness as you experience it, because beneath the showy acts of heroism and the bluster, Wyll is a sad little dog in a burning apartment telling himself "this is fine!" over and over again.

Wyll's Want is to be a hero and make the sacrifice of his soul worth something. He has accepted that there is no redemption for himself, that Mizora preying upon his vulnerability in the past is something he can never recover from, that he cannot be free of her chains, and only hopes to use what time he has to do some good, even if it inevitably comes at the cost of his life.

His Need is to break out of Mizora's control, to wrest his fate back into his own hands, and to prove what has always been true: that he IS the hero he's selling himself as. It's a real Rango arc if you think about it.

Companion 5: Gale, The Friend With the Messiest Fucking Love Life You've Ever Heard Of Goddamn

Gale... kind of breaks the companion formula, a little bit? Like, for the other five core companions, there is a clear-cut situation where they were abused and exploited by an asshole - Shar exploited Shadowheart, Cazador the master vampire exploited Astarion, Mizora exploits Wyll, etc. Gale's fucked up traumatic relationship is a bit... messier, and harder to untangle, because by his own admission, he was not blameless in it.

Gale is a wizard, and like all good wizards in fiction, he's a bit of a mad scientist. He was so good at wizarding, in fact, that the goddess of magic itself, Mystra, reached out to him, and eventually the two had a little romance. Now, fans have gone back and forth interpreting this, with some saying that Mystra was grooming Gale from childhood and thus is as bad as Cazador/Shar/Mizora/et cetera. I feel that's kind of a bad faith reading of the character, one that's actively ignoring the concept of what an ageless immortal goddess is to try and fit it into a human context.

For nerds who know about the setting, Mystra is NOT an evil goddess like Shar. In fact, she's kind of a vitally important goddess to have around, as Magic is such an integral part of the reality of this setting that not having a god of some sort for it results in an fucking extinction event - which the characters in the game know for a fact because at one point in the past, a mortal wizard killed Mystra and made that extinction event happen. Mystra reformed, as gods do, and eventually things got back to more or less normal, but that doesn't do much for the shitload of people and creatures that died during the period of time where magic was dead.

And that's what ends up souring Gale and Mystra's relationship. Gale, being mortal, felt he had to prove he was Mystra's equal, and so set out to find a source of magical power not unlike that used by the wizard in the past who killed Mystra. And when Mystra saw Gale doing that, she freaked the fuck out because she thought she was going to get killed again - because the wizard who slew her in the past ALSO felt he needed to prove he was equal to a goddess.

Neither character takes the breakup well. Gale feels like fucking shit because he fumbled a literal goddess, and also got a piece of super destructive magic lodged in his chest in the process that's slowly killing him. And Mystra is worried that the super powerful piece of magic lodged in Gale's chest could kill her, and also about the cult using a very similar piece of magic (it's a big plot point for the game I won't go into it this is already too long), and so, in an act of cruel godly pragmatism, she sends D&D Gandalf to tell Gale to use his the magic murder ball in his chest to kill the cult, even though it'll destroy him in the process. "Hi sweetie, please kill yourself on my behalf, k thanx!" basically.

It's... it's a mess.

Gale's Want is to prove he is Mystra's equal by mastering the ancient magic he's found, and either win her back or, better yet, become a god himself and dethrone her. As I said, he's got a bit of a mad scientist in him.

Gale's Need is to move on from this relationship, talk things out with his ex, give her her dvds the ancient magic artifacts back, and move on with his life.

I like Gale. He's got funny lines, he loves his cat, he's a goofy nerd, and while his love life is a mess, his heart is mostly in the right place. He needs some nudges to do the right thing, but he's a good guy deep down, and I always love it when fiction shows a relationship that falls apart not because one person in it was "bad," but because the two people were just not compatible. Yeah, Gale fucked up, but you can understand why he fucked up, and he can understand it too if you help him own up to his mistakes and move forward. Also, he loves his cat, he can't be all bad.

Companion 6: Karlach, the Most Beautiful Woman I've Ever Seen

Karlach is my favorite companion in this game, which is why I saved her for (sort of) last. And, yes, sure, part of it is because of my aforementioned preferences with women...

she's so goddamn pretty

But it's also because of how she plays with those core themes I've mentioned. Karlach was sold into slavery as a teenager, where her devil master ripped out her heart and replaced it with an engine to turn her into a super-strong gladiator. She's been living in literal Hell for years, fighting every day to survive, and like Astarion she actually views being kidnapped by Mindflayers as a godsend since it freed her from her enslavement.

Unlike Astarion, Karlach doesn't have a long life to look forward to. That engine in her chest can't work properly outside of Hell, and it will eventually break, overheat, and melt her from the inside out. Karlach is the only companion who knows she's going to die soon whether or not the tadpole is taken out - no matter how this adventure ends, she will die.

At least, that's what she's told herself. Karlach's Want is to never return to Literal Hell, no matter what, because she's afraid if she does she will be taken as a slave again, and that there is no hope for a good life if she touches foot on that ground again. Following this want means she WILL die - either by the engine, by her enemies in the mortal plane, or by turning into a mind flayer (because while mind flayers can retain their hosts' memories, they are NOT the same being as their host).

And Karlach is convinced she's ok with this! No, really, she's fine! This is fine! She's got a few days left to live, and she's going to enjoy them! She is unfailingly kind and compassionate, always willing to help others, always cheery and taking the best view of her friends and people in need, a ray of fucking sunshine.

And beneath it all she's terrified and sad. When you get towards the end of the game, and Karlach feels how close the Inevitable End is, she reaches a breaking point where that happy facade snaps and it's... it's gut wrenching, man. It breaks your fucking heart, because as much as she's determined not to risk setting foot in Literal Hell ever again, she really doesn't want to die.

...

Karlach's Need is to go back to Literal Hell long enough to get that engine replaced. Her Need is to find hope, TRUE hope, not just a facade of optimism - a true belief that she can face the worst and come out of it ok, that she can survive, that she is not alone in facing the darkest shit this world can throw at her. Her Need is to find the strength to believe that she can live, even if it's hard, even if it's Hell to get there.

And Karlach is worth it. She is worth Hell.

Companions 7 - 10 Speedrun

I don't have as much to say about the four other companions you can get in the game, mainly because I already love these six so much that trying to take time to get to know four other weirdos who I don't get to recruit until halfway through the game just... like, there's a party limit of four characters and one is me, I can only take three of you along at a time, I'm prioritizing the one's who've been with me since all the goblin shit in Act 1, feel me? The rest of you seem real neat but I've got my nakama all set, we're good.

Halsin is the one I know the most of these four because he helped me at the tail end of the goblin stuff and he seems fine. He's a big nice hippie who turns into a bear and is into polygamy and carving wooden ducks. A lot of people thirst for him, but he's not my type - like I get the appeal but this is a case of Not My Favorite Pennywise Hentai But OK as far as I'm concerned. I like his subplot about restoring balance to the cursed forest, though. Felt like teaming up with Smokey the Bear.

Minthara is the companion that used to require you to kill a shitload of innocent people to recruit, but people found weird work-arounds that involved turning her into a sheep and so the developers sighed and released a patch where you could recruit her without mass murder using only slightly cheesey means. She is Genuinely Evil, but in a complicated way that's still fun from a character perspective. She's also a great comically serious character - i.e. someone who's so serious all the time that they end up being incredibly funny on accident just by their muted reactions to all the weirdness around them. From the clip compilations I've watched on youtube, her romance is basically a Lady Macbeth situation, and that's pretty hot. If it weren't for Karlach, I'd... romance Astarion, but if it weren't for Astarion, I'd... romance Shadowheart, but if it weren't for Shadowheart, I'd... romance Lae'zel, but if it weren't for Lae'zel, I might romance Minthara. Or Wyll. One of the two.

Jaheira is a character from one of the previous Baldur's Gate games, neither of which I've played, so I had no preconceptions or attachments to her going in this game. She basically becomes your surrogate mom as the game goes along, and I mean that as a compliment. She's pretty great and fills a nice emotional niche - I didn't use her that much because, again, I've already got six close friends to rotate out, I'm not going to ditch them for long periods of time to hang out with my MOM, but it was nice having her along for the ride a few times.

Minsc is the OTHER returning character from the previous games, and from what I can tell he's basicall Kronk from The Emperor's New Groove but with a funny accent. I like him, he's fun comic relief, and he throws a hamster at people while telling it to eat their eyes. I don't have a lot to say on Minsc, I just think he's neat.

At some point I might do a followup to this gushing about NPCs from the game, because goddamn the supporting cast is great too. Omeluum, Us, the Emperor, fucking Dame Aylin. Dame Aylin is so goddamn fucking cool, I want to read novels about her adventures, she rocks so hard. All glory to the Nightsong!

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

"If the freshmen can handle learning it- surely Swift could also be able to learn and improve the thing she does as a job? Right? No?"

Yup!!!! That perfectly sums up the past 15 years!

It's so mind boggling to me that her work is still so juvenile and disjointed after years of being spoon fed every resource she could possibly need. Her learning curve is a flat line despite everybody and their mother trying to prop it up, goddamn.

Yes exactly! - This is something I find particularly interesting about Taylor Swift.

How is it possible that nearly twenty years into her career there is no marked improvement in her writing style?

She has had every possible resource on Earth available to her- and yet she does not bother to learn anything.

I really believe that she thinks herself infallible- and therefore in no need of a teacher. I mean- let's be honest, she thinks herself so amazing that people should pay her money just to hear her first drafts and voice memo notes on songs. Everything she touches turns to gold- apparently.

It's plain arrogance to my mind. As I have had nearly a decade worth of college education under my belt, I have been working in my field for years now; however, I live always with the implicit understanding that I am yet at the base of a mountain.

Every book I read- Every new thing I learn, and I am struck again and again that, as a scholar, I am a mere student struggling up the mountain of knowledge from those who lived and died before I ever was a breath of life.

The more knowledgeable I become the more aware I am of how much I have yet to learn.

Why is this not the case with Taylor Swift? I blame arrogance- self-righteous assurance that you are the best of the best will only ever lead people to believe they have nothing to learn from others- and they no longer need to have the self-discipline to continue evolving their craft.

If you really think about it, most of the people who are told that they are a young prodigy suffer this particular delusion. Then they wonder why they never improve, and feel like they are stuck in immaturity, while others- who have had to work harder for the same level of adulation always seem to continue to grow, evolve, and become better.

It's sad- in a way.

[lipslikethegardensofbabylon]

#ttpd analysis day six - But Daddy I Love Him

this track to me feels like the longest, epic/story wise. i’ll break it down a little more but i feel like of all the tracks, this one encompasses a few distinct time frames.

I forget how the West was won/I forget if this was ever fun is almost a call back to but there's robbers to the East, clowns to the West so the setting references living in the limelight and the public perception (and respectively, the loud scrutiny).

Sarahs and Hannahs in their Sunday best/clutching their pearls, sighing, "what a mess" i cannot say how much i love taylor’s description of virtue signaling, she perfectly sums it up later as vipers (vipersss) dressed in empaths clothing and, my personal favorite, sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I'll never see

okay so for the time frame differences, the track overall touches on what i believe are two-three separate muses -

past tense: dutiful daughter, all my plans were laid, tendrils tucked into a woven braid. to me this reads the same as like a postcard picture perfect shiny family/all the pieces fall right into place, essentially this (at that time) was the plan for a neatly organized life together

past tense: he was chaos, he was revelry, bedroom eyes like a remedy*. in contrast to the previous lyric, this is a 180 from the clean cut description in the previous lyric; a more unpredictable future, but still past tense

present/future: no, you can't come to the wedding/I know he's crazy, but he's the one I want

*in that same vein, the lyric bedroom eyes like a remedy makes me think of I took the miracle move on drug, the effects were temporary which just furthers the belief that this is all past tense

as a side note, there’s something about this song (and The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived) that remind me of ‘tis the damn season. idk if i feel that they occurred in the same AU but there’s definitely an undercurrent happening -

there's a lot of people in town that I bestow upon my fakest smiles/the only soul who can tell which smiles I'm faking

I'm telling him to floor it through the fences; just screeching tires and true love/the road not taken looks real good now

growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all/just for old times' sake

all the wine mom’s is another lyric that makes me go lol but i think this lyric is poking fun at the fact that unfortunately, some women are still rooting to see another woman fail. so to identify them as wine mom’s already colors the demographic of haters as people unhappy with their own lives (ie people using substances to dull or enhance their reality)

as a side note, time, doesn’t it give some perspective? makes me think of time, curious time / time, wondrous time but in a later track on the album there’s also a reference to this lyric

i love that this track is so taylor in that it’s choosing to go with your heart 100%, despite all the (retroactive?) red flags/white noise. as an end, two standout lyrics that summarize this track are:

I'll tell you something about my good name, it's mine alone to disgrace and you ain’t gotta pray for me

[oh-my-wolfstar]

Taylor Swift Wolfstar songs day 37

Today’s song will be Long Story Short from evermore. It’s pov Sirius post Azkaban but it is happier and more hopeful, it’s what would have happened if they survived through the war.

Fatefully I tried to pick my battles 'til the battle picked me Misery Like the war of words I shouted in my sleep

Sirius tried not to fight with Remus, he tried to pick his battles but how could he when his life had become a war zone. He argued with himself all the time, a mental war of grief and suspicion raging inside, fed by the world he lived in.

And you passed right by I was in the alley, surrounded on all sides The knife cuts both ways If the shoe fits, walk in it 'til your high heels break

Remus never truly saw what was happening to Sirius, and Sirius knows. He never knew how he ended up in the right place at the wrong time. But it hurt them both just the same, the way the world forced Sirius to be something he never was and never would be.

Actually I always felt I must look better in the rear view Missing me At the golden gates they once held the keys to

Sirius always felt that everyone liked him better when he was gone, he wondered if Remus ever realized what they had till it was taken away. When I dropped my sword I threw it in the bushes and knocked on your door And we live in peace But if someone comes at us This time, I'm ready

But when Sirius gave up the war he had never stopped fighting he ran to Remus. He ended the years of massacring himself to be happy, to believe he deserved that at least. And this time he won’t let war tear them apart.

No more keepin' score now I just keep you warm No more tug of war now I just know there's more

Sirius is done second guessing the people he loves, he’s done letting the world dictate his heart. Now he only wants to be with Remus, because he knows there more in love than there will ever be in war.

Now I'm all about you I'm all about you, ah Yeah, yeah I'm all about you

Now Sirius is all in, he’s done not trusting anyone. Now he’s going to trust Remus and the love they have with all his heart.

I wanna tell you not to get lost in these petty things Your nemeses Will defeat themselves before you get the chance to swing

Sirius wants to tell Remus to let the petty fights go because the war will end with or without them. They will aid the effort but they will no longer let it consume them.

And I fell from the pedestal Right down the rabbit hole Long story short, it was a bad time Pushed from the precipice Climbed right back up the cliff Long story short, I survived

And Sirius knows why they shouldn’t become the war they fight. He knows because he paid the price, lost twelve years of his life and was marked a traitor. He spent his youth fighting, he lost his youth to Azkaban. And in there he lost everything, bushed to the brink of madness. But he pulled himself back together, mended his broken soul and learned to love without fight. He came back from hell and went to his love; because long story short he survived.

actually, I’ve been having fun exploring life after Azkaban and during the second Wizard war, it’s so interesting to think about all the things that Sirius lost, and the way he was able to come back. I think long story short sums that up perfectly.

[liauditore]

for some reason ur ask is cursed by an evil spirit and webbed site spilled spaghetti sauce all over itself when i tried to answer it so ig we're doing this now @sharksome-nen

half the board being coloured in but no bingo sums up me and this ship perfectly i think.

me being REALLY unhinged below the cut about toxic!fh (a teeny tiny bit neg/discoursey on empires if u squint). gets rlly abuse-y.

ohohohohohoh ur trying to get me killleedddddd.. :D

they're so special to me i hate them so much.

ok so uh i wrote a Whole Thing but it was getting way too ramble-y but basically uh. not a fan of romantic!fh. empires writing is very understandably not perfect and i saw some disturbing implications between the lines and couldn't help but fixate on them and it kind of soured any fluffy!fh fan content for me. sorry im a grinch and i was born with hate in my heart🙏🙏

but uh... if u take those disturbing implications out of the lines, x500 their size and severity, apply a dash of self-projection and start associating songs sung from the pov of abusers with it?? oho. ohohoho. oh that's. that's the good stuff.

i have this rlly cursed notepad doc where i basically vomit Ship Thoughts tm onto so here's the entire fh section copy+pasted. 👍

probably the most explicitly romantic and the most explicitly toxic. They DO love each other a lot. Jimmy looks up to Scott (he's so cool!) and would do anything just to live a happy life with him. I imagine that he's had a crush on him for the longest time from a distance, but didn't approach him until 3L because he didn't think Scott would look in his direction. Scott loves Jimmy deeply too but in the way someone might love a pet or a toy. "How's this poor thing going to survive on his own?" is probably what he uses to justify alot of what he puts Jimmy through. I imagine that Scott is someone who's lived a very monitored and controlled life (he gives me royalty vibes) and probably doesn't understand the extent of the abuse he's been put through or the way it's warped his perception of love. Love is a conditional commodity for him at this point in 3L and right now he's using it to buy some protection (never a good idea to go solo in a death game arena). So everytime he scolds or hits Jimmy it's always out of love, always for his own good, if he doesn't learn how to act now then someone will kill him for running his mouth eventually. Especially in the 3L Death Game. And Jimmy puts up with it and believes him because he hasn't learnt to respect himself yet. But as the games go on I do believe Scott begins to fall for Jimmy in a more genuine, kind way. Still not wholesome but he's very much not just extra numbers for safety anymore. He feels scorching regret for what he did after Jimmy dies but won't admit it to himself or anyone else. It's a selfish kind of regret, he hates himself more than he loves Jimmy, but it's still there. Post-3L Jimmy has some time away from Scott during LL before meeting Tango in DL, a partner who respects and even admires him, who gives him the space to grow and the trust to take risks that would better the both of them. Jimmy gains newfound confidence and a new perspective on his previous relationships, culminating in him actually standing up to Scott in LimL and refusing his offer to get back together. He's grown up. Scott, on the other hand, fares much more poorly. He is offered genuine love, unconditional love and it frightens him because he can't understand it (he doesn't think he's love-able). What does she want from him? He can't control Pearl the way he could with Jimmy and she Scares him. It doesn't matter, he can manage by himself (he always has) and he has an eye for finding kindred spirits. But it's not the same (he misses him). (he needs his Pet back) (he needs his Control back) He doesn't get it. final diagnosis: what should have been a beautiful love story twisted into something awful, divorced and should not re-marry even if Scott wants to.

ngl there is that.. little part of me that really wants jimmy to relapse and go crawling back cus old habits die hard, right? but on the other hand i. i want my son to be happy. sometimes.

I like writing characters with super messed up warped perceptions of love and hurt themselves and others in the process with it. its evil and sexy.

if we're gonna get into the whole song lyrics thing i really really love using mahiru's milgram songs for fh (even tho i associate scott more with muu). they just make sense to me. lyrics from haruko because i adore their covers.

(also uh these songs are about an abusive relationship and the second one has not so subtle suicide imagery in the mv so know that if ur gonna seek them out)

I'll love you till you fall And won't feel bad at all, Because I still get worried Could you please forgive me? Every little thing I only say to get to you Every little thing I do when "you and me are through" That's me loving you

Do my feelings drive you crazy? Sorry I don't care you baby. Tell me please, Tell me please, Why don't you ever love like me?

I just... i think scott genuinely caring for jimmy and wanting to keep him safe but like.. scott's brand of 'safe' is guard up at all times and manipulating those around you. and jimmy's useless at it/doesn't even catch on at all and it just ends up frustrating scott more.

Told you I loved you and then did what I did The right is gone and we're done, I'm crossed and covered in sin My love, it got it's lick back, Destroyed me, I deserved that, Tell the truth, Tell the truth, Why can't I ever love like you?

i LOVE the idea of scott regretting how he treated jimmy too late and still being in denial about it oufhlsdfhfls

so uh yeah it's an okay ship 👍

[29625]

In my very personal opinion, New Order’s Tutti Frutti and People on the High Line are singing about the same relationship from different perspectives. And it really embodies Slimav.

Tutti Frutti portrays a man’s struggle with fitting in and catching up, whilst seeking comfort in familiarity of his lover (his Tutti Frutti).

“You’ve got me where it hurts, but I don’t really care; ‘cause I know I’m okay whenever you’re there.”

Whilst People on the High Line is the other way round, where he tries to comfort while craving love from his lover.

“I need your love, I want it now…I’ll keep trying, it’s gonna be alright. This time we’ll get it right.”

In terms of passion, this song feels more “passionate”—he is actively seeking affection while Tutti Frutti portrays a more passive, somewhat more stable comfort in an established/back-and-forth relationship.

There are unique portrayals of “high” in both songs that makes me think how beautiful they both are (and how you all should listen to New Order. NOW.)

“You take me to a place where I always wanna go. You always make me high, whenever I feel low.” - Tutti Frutti

“I’ll keep trying—I can’t get any higher. There’s nothing I desire.” - People on the High Line

The comparison I am trying to make is that Tutti Frutti has a sense of comfort, tranquility if you will, in a steady routine, whilst People on the High Line depicts his relationship as something that gets him a sense of sharp pleasure—an orgasm, a spike in his system, after he’s somehow earned his lover by “keeping trying”.

Another interesting thing about People on the High Line is its repeated usage of “it’s all going to be alright” as well as “I’ll keep trying” in the chorus—meaning he feels somewhat responsible for the state of his lover.

Tutti Frutti also has some interesting and conflicting elements of newness and fondness whenever he is with his Tutti Frutti; to him, his Tutti Frutti is the one who reminds him it’s okay to be himself whilst adding some spice to his life, whether it’s platonic, romantic, or sexual. This indicates he puts absolute trust in his Tutti Frutti—even though he is sometimes getting some ouches from his lover (judging by the tones of the lyrics, I’m assuming it’s more of a pesky teasing and bantering, rather than truly harmful acts or abuse).

That being said, I feel like Tutti Frutti perfectly sums Maverick’s affection, devotion, and unconditional trust towards Slider whereas People on the High Line portrays Slider’s (strong but not always so overt) attachment towards him.

Maverick is a ball of fire who mellows into Slider’s comforting presence and caring embrace. Slider is a vigilant pleaser who burns up with the spikes of love Maverick showers him with. And that’s how I like to imagine their relationship as.

Thank you for reading. I wrote this short essay instead of actually doing my readings for tomorrow’s social psychology classes.

[sparrowsong-7]

Five Songs I'm Into Right Now

Thank you so much for the tag @iron-sparrow!!!

‣ Explode! by Mother Mother

When I die (when I die) I'll let go (I'll let go) But in my life (in my life) I hold on until there's nothing left to hold And then, you know, I just explode I'll explode

First I gotta blame my bf for getting me into Mother Mother, he really hooked me on their sound. Second I just can't help but relate this song to Mel, I just be like that.

‣ Mass Destruction -Reload- by Lotus Juice & Azumi Takahashi

Don't ease your pace, 'cause enemy's brutal Moment of truth, there ain't no truce You're the only one, one world, one love But the battle goes on, Shadows of mass destruction

Look, I'm a fucking nerd so of course a Persona song is gonna be on here, but boy what a song it is. Mass Destruction is a song that's stuck with me since the week I graduated High School, and the Reload arrangement is just perfect in my opinion. Best battle theme in any JRPG, hands down.

‣ She by dodie

And she smells like lemongrass and sleep She tastes like apple juice and peach Oh, you would find her in a polaroid picture And she means everything to me

Hey look, another OC song for Mel. It's just such a warm song with the saddest undercurrent that perfectly sums up Mel and Ayami's relationship toward the beginning of their story, and it's something I've been listening to on repeat while trying to write stuff for them.

‣ It's Alright by Mother Mother

It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay You're not a demon, there's a reason You're behaving that way It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay And I believe, yes, I believe That you will see a better day

This one's a lot more personal, and hits really close to home. This song came on my shuffle at really low point a few weeks ago and it's pretty much been my anthem since then.

‣ Open Sky by Masayoshi Soken and THE PRIMALS

Time No more once upon a time Take flight Find your wings and spread them wide It’s time For the journey of our life

Listen, it's a bop okay? And I can't contain my hype for Dawntrail either.

Gonna tag @hinganskies, @cindernet-explorer, @starrysnowdrop, @hazelkjt, @mrlarkstin, and @superiorthaumaturge

And anyone else who wants to join in!

[newmusickarl]

Top 50 Albums of 2023: #30-21

30. Everything Is Alive by Slowdive

I’ll be the first to admit that despite the heavy praise from the amazing Music Twitter community (I’m not calling it X, sorry Elon), before this year I had never completely bought into the Slowdive hype. Although I enjoy their 2017 self-titled comeback record, I had never taken to the shoegaze legends in the same way that I know a lot of my fellow music fans do. But I’m pleased to say with Everything Is Alive, I’ve been well and truly won over.

Their first album in six years, singles like kisses, skin in the game and the slab spiral into fascinating sonic territory and make you want to stay locked there forever. It was an album that completely blew me away on first listen, offering a completely immersive audio experience. One of those records where you just want to stick your headphones on and get lost in all these interesting textures being strung together.

Outside of the singles, shanty and chained to a cloud deliver mesmerising synths, big walls of guitars and the ghostly vocals of Rachel Goswell and Neil Halstead. Alife (or Alfie as I’ve been frequently calling it!) is another standout, whilst Andalucia Plays is just hauntingly melancholic. So not just one of the year’s best records, but a record that proves why I continue to trust Music Twitter’s recommendations - they never seem to steer me wrong.

Best tracks: alife, kisses, the slab

Listen here

29. This Is Why by Paramore

When immensely popular American rockers Paramore announced Bloc Party were the primary influence for their sixth studio album, This Is Why, my interest was naturally piqued. Where Silent Alarm offered a vital soundtrack for the post-9/11 youth back in the mid-00s, Paramore have now done the same for an apathetic generation of kids dealing with COVID lockdowns and ever-growing social and political divide. And whilst it isn’t quite Silent Alarm, this is unquestionably a brilliant indie rock record.

Firstly, the opening title track remains one of my favourite tracks of the last twelve months. With all the catchy, stuttering chords of prime Foals, along with some ever-impressive vocal acrobatics from enigmatic frontwoman Hayley Williams, the mid-song breakdown that ends with Williams’ cries of “I’m floating like a cannonball” is so gloriously cathartic, you can’t help but get won over. Big Man, Little Dignity is another strong favourite, which sees the trio take shots at powerful men not held to account for their deplorable actions (“smooth operator in a shit-stained suit”). Liar, arguably the album’s most subdued moment, is similarly awe-inspiring too thanks to some twinkly guitars and Williams’ graceful falsetto vocals. 

At a concise 36 minutes there’s not a second spared, as the band channel their message through the sounds from indie rock’s past, breathing fresh new life into the scene and helping it to resonate with a newer, younger mainstream audience. So, if you are sat there wondering why Paramore are one of the biggest rock bands in the world right now – This Is Why.

Best tracks: This Is Why, Liar, Big Man Little Dignity

Listen here

28. Blondshell by Blondshell

An incredible self-titled debut that has lit me up in the last year is this amazing record from LA-based rockstar-in-the-making, Sabrina Teitelbaum – AKA Blondshell. Hugely accomplished for her first outing, it’s a sharp 32-minute listen packed with big choruses and some truly epic guitar work. Here’s what 5-9 editor Andrew Belt had to say in his brilliant review earlier this year which sums it perfectly:

“The nine tracks on her debut album capture uncomplicated rock tracks which could have been recorded live. Uncomplicated does not mean not compelling, however. Fusing influences from the likes of Nirvana, The Cranberries and Anna Burch, Teitelbaum wears her heart on her sleeve as she chronicles a difficult couple of years which spawned Blondshell. The self-titled record bursts to life with ‘Veronica Mars’ – a two-minute, verse/chorus/guitar solo blast with the TV show referred to in the title causing Teitelbaum to reflect on its impact on her when watching at an early age. Singing ‘Logan’s a dick, I’m learning that’s hot’, Teitelbaum laments the mixed messaging the show could provide to young minds, with the rock track melting away at the end via a red-hot unhinged, high-pitched guitar solo. The sound throughout is cohesive with Yves Tumor-producer, Yves Rothman, teasing out something quite impressive from Teitelbaum as Blondshell. Confessional, edgy, compelling, Blondshell is an accomplished offering belying its debut album status.”

Best tracks: Salad, Sepsis, Dangerous

Read Andrew Belt’s full review on 5-9 here

Listen here

27. Dream Big by Soda Blonde

Back in 2021, Irish indie-pop outfit Soda Blonde emerged out of the ashes of the excellent Little Green Cars, with the four remaining members of that band releasing their debut album under the new Soda Blonde guise. That Soda Blonde debut, titled Small Talk, would finish in my Top 30 Albums of 2021 and even receive a nomination for the Irish Choice Prize (the Irish equivalent of the Mercury Prize). Now with this sophomore outing, they have made the Top 30 again.

Full of confidence, Soda Blonde are sounding more assured in their new skin, with Dream Big presenting a stunning collection of songs full of breathtaking musical variety and killer hooks. The opening run of Midnight Show, Bad Machine, Boys and the title track is particularly mesmerising, as the band guide you through glorious arrangements full of strings, rhythmic guitars and clusters of memorable moments. In the back half, My First Name sees frontwoman Faye O’Rourke’s majestic vocals stand out amongst a magnificent collage of strings, bluesy guitars and stomping drums for one of the record’s biggest highlights. 

This is a phenomenal record from start to finish and if you haven’t heard of Soda Blonde before, now is the time to get yourself acquainted.

Best tracks: My First Name, Boys, Going Out

Listen here

26. When Will We Land? By Barry Can’t Swim

If you’ve listened to the October episode of the 5-9 Album of the Month podcast, you know this debut from rising electronic superstar Barry Can’t Swim was one of my standout records in what was a month full of incredible new music. Taking elements from all my favourite electronic releases of recent years, Barry crafts a vibrant collage that binds together cohesively for an essential and astonishing listening experience. Describing this album better than I ever could, here is what friend of the blog Kiley Larsen had to say in his review for Check This Out:

“When Will We Land? is everything you want from an electronic album and more. It may pull from all of Barry Can’t Swim’s influences and serve them in eleven distinct ways, but Mannie’s vision is clear and never wanders from the bigger picture. While the record should be taken in as a whole when possible, each song is so distinct and fully executed that each is tailor-made for playlists (or mixtapes, if you’re keeping them alive). ….When Will We Land? finds Barry Can’t Swim doing what he’s done best over the past few years by harnessing the energy of that big night out while colouring it with organic instrumentation and a much-needed reminder of the universality of the human experience. For music writers, the year is full of anticipated albums. Sometimes, they match the internal hype, while often, they fall short. When Will We Land? was unquestionably at the top of my list, defying expectations and more. Barry Can’t Swim proved a true talent with his EPs, but this debut album is a colossal next step. Even if you’re not typically into electronic music, this is still worth diving into, as there are few albums this year that successfully convey a complete vision with what should be universal appeal.”

Best tracks: Sunsleeper, Woman, I Won’t Let You Down

Read Kiley’s full review on Check This Out here

Listen here

25. Did You Know That There’s A Tunnel Under Ocean Blvd by Lana Del Rey

A woman who needs no introduction at this point, one of the most hotly anticipated releases of the year was Lana Del Rey’s eighth studio album released back in March – Did you know that there’s a tunnel under Ocean Blvd (which we can all agree is a peak Lana type of album title).

Having delivered her undisputed magnum opus Norman Fucking Rockwell (NFR) back in 2019, Miss Lizzy Grant has not rested on her laurels since, quickly following up with two more albums in 2021 – Chemtrails Over The Country Club and Blue Banisters. Whilst both records had their moments, the former more so, neither quite came close enough to the theatre, majesty and sheer perfection of NFR. However now back with her fourth album in as many years, Lana once again hit some career best highs.

Opener The Grants welcomes the listener with some gorgeous gospel vocal harmonies, before Lana herself takes over with her inimitable vocals, exquisitely sharing memories of her family. The title track is then even better and already one of my favourite Lana tracks, with its stirring strings, anguished vocals and heartbreaking lyrics of self-loathing (“Open me up, tell me you like me, Fuck me to death, love me until I love myself”). As Lana is joined by a choir for the swelling “Don’t Forget Me” refrain in the song’s outro, you’d have to be cold hearted to not be greatly moved.

An album that is definitely in the top half of her discography, and the first half of this record in particular is as good as anything she has ever done. I also admire the work ethic and frequency at which Lana is delivering new music and I’m not going to complain too much about having a mountain of music from her over the last few years. The fact she’s been so productive and still served up some of the very best work of her career, really it can only be admired.

Best tracks: Did You Know That There’s A Tunnel Under Ocean Blvd, A&W, The Grants

Listen here

24. Javelin by Sufjan Stevens

Another of the year’s biggest releases came in early October - the tenth studio album from highly acclaimed singer-songwriter, Sufjan Stevens. In the days following its release, Sufjan dedicated Javelin to his “beloved partner and best friend Evans Richardson” who sadly died in April of this year. With that added context, it made an album that already felt emotionally shattering hit that much harder.

From the moment the cymbals crash and the synths reverberate around Sufjan’s cries of “You know I love you” on opener Goodbye Evergreen, you know you are in for something quite special yet also heartbreaking. Over the next run of tracks Sufjan continues to astound with his unceremonious yet majestic songcraft, as the uplifting instrumentation twinkles around Sufjan’s devastating penmanship on tracks like A Running Start, Genuflecting Ghost and Will Anybody Ever Love Me?

However as great as the first half is, it is the back stretch that left my jaw firmly on the floor. My Red Little Fox is a heartfelt, flute-laden hymnal whilst lead single So You Are Tired is a brutally beautiful, piano-led, string-drenched lament. Shit Talk is then without a doubt one of the songs of the year, a near 9-minute masterpiece centred around a strikingly simple assembly of raw acoustic instrumentation, resonant human emotions, gorgeous choral harmonies and refrains of “I will always love you…I don’t wanna fight at all.” Utterly breathtaking in every single way.

Best tracks: Shit Talk, So You Are Tired, Will Anybody Ever Love Me?

Listen here

23. Struggler by Genesis Owusu

When it comes to an album, two things I tend to look for more than any other - an eclectic mix of sounds and a strong thematic concept to hold it all together. Very few artists achieve both elements these days, but when you do find an album like that, it’s like finding the musical equivalent of the holy grail. Enter Struggler from Ghanian-Australian artist Genesis Owusu, which made history back in August by becoming the first album to gain the coveted maximum 15 points on the 5-9 Album of the Month podcast.

Struggler is an album that takes you on a journey, both through the lyrics and sonically too. At the heart of it, you’ve got a narrative arc that tells the story of “The Roach vs The Old Man”, a conflict which acts as a metaphor for humanity vs uncontrollable higher powers, both natural and political. Then musically, this record has a little bit of everything - punk rock, hip-hop, funk, soul, all wonderfully blended together to forge a vibrant mesh of sounds.

In terms of favourite tracks, Leaving The Light and The Roach are both propelled by these great synth lines that bounce off thrashes of guitars. Tied Up is then possibly one of the catchiest songs of the year, a track which sucks you into its groove and refuses to let you leave. Stuck To The Fan closes the record perfectly too, offering a really sombre, bluesy send off.

More carefully curated and refined than his debut outing, Genesis Owusu proved himself to be a very special talent to me in 2023, delivering a record that works as a collective whole but doesn’t stay in a single lane either.

Best tracks: The Roach, Tied Up, Stuck To The Fan

Listen here

22. ROACH by Miya Folick

It seems there was something with Roaches in 2023 as we had another incredible album artistically indebted to those pesky insects. This year, American singer-songwriter Miya Folick made the difficult second album look easy with this hugely impressive record, titled ROACH.

Essentially an extension of her previously released 2007 EP, ROACH further builds out the narrative with a deeper dive into her relationship with God, her mother and her own self-esteem. Featuring some of the best songs of her young career, highlights include the hedonistic indie-pop of Bad Thing, brutal break-up anthem Get Out of My House and the tussle with adulthood on the falsetto-kissed 2007.

That said, make sure you stick around for the second half of the album as that’s where Miya Folick’s exceptional songwriting really starts to shine for me. Tetherball is a real stop-you-in-your-tracks moment, with some wonderful ambient electronics backing Folick’s soft vocals to create a gorgeous sound reminiscent of Natasha Khan of Bats For Lashes. These synths then shift into the uplifting pop of So Clear, before Shortstop offers an utterly stunning piano-led finale that you’ll just want to hear again and again.

A fantastic second album that has been on repeat ever since it dropped in the first half of the year.

Best tracks: Tetherball, Shortstop, Get Out Of My House

Listen here

21. PRAYERS & PARANOIA by SIPHO

Just missing out on the Top 20 then, we arrive at an outstanding debut album that I may have missed altogether if it wasn’t for friend of the blog, Andrew Belt. The 5-9 Album of the Month podcast has been my musical highlight of 2023, introducing me to a ton of great new music this year. So I just want to take a moment to give kudos to both Andrew and Kiley for steering me in the right direction over the last 12 months with their fantastic taste in music – cheers lads!

Now Birmingham-based R&B star SIPHO was Andrew’s pick for the podcast back in October and it turned out to be a mightily ambitious first outing that stormed to victory in our most tightly contested Album of the Month battle yet.

With each track anchored by his incredibly powerful vocals, SIPHO remains the star of the show amdist a gorgeous sonic world built on funk, soul, R&B and even a bit of rock on tracks like GLUE. Much like the Genesis record, it is an album that takes an eclectic listening experience and majestically morphs it into a cohesive single piece of work. Listening front-to-back, every song segues seamlessly into the next one, with the track list so intricately stitched together its quite astounding. For SIPHO to craft a record as accomplished as this at the first time of asking is even more remarkable.

The songs have a timelessness quality too, Elevation pulls you in straight away whilst Chemicals boasts spacey synths, bluesy guitars and SIPHO’s incredible falsetto. However it’s all about the final stretch of songs starting with Run For Your Life, which sees just SIPHO and Shae Universe’s voices take centre stage over a minimal piano backing for a track that is just hauntingly beautiful and goosebump-inducing.

An album that I went in to with no real expectations, there was few records that managed to blow me away in 2023 quite like Prayers & Paranoia.

Best tracks: Run For Your Life, Glue, Prayers

Listen here

This weekend, we enter the final Top 20 of the countdown!

[tuiyla]

Ranking potential 100th episode redo songs based on how much sense they would have made

Thanks to The Wrap we still have the list of 30 songs fans could vote on for the cast to redo in the 100th Glee episode. Now I don’t think this was the way to go and fans should have only voted on, like, 3 songs, but ~9 years later here I am to fully criticize it.

Needed to happen

1. Don’t Stop Believin’

Let’s just get it out of the way. Obviously. Obviously this was the right choice and they did it well in the episode.

2. Landslide

Are you KIDDING ME that this was an option and fans didn’t choose it imma travel back to late 2013 and THROW HANDS. Jail, jail for all who voted. Jail for a thousand years, I can’t even look at you. You choose Valerie, a song that was already perfectly fine as a Santana solo and had no emotional significance in-universe, over a potential Holly-less revisit of Landslide? I hate you all. Anyway my thoughts on what should have happened are well-advertised.

3. Born This Way

Imo this should have been the group number of the first half. But crucially, with the newbies getting big roles since that’s the point of a redo. Sadly the newbies got paid dust in the two-parter so I doubt they would have gotten to sing on this but after DSB it’s the closest we get to a fitting anthem for the group and so it’s my choice for top 3.

Yeah I can see it

4. My Life Would Suck Without You

After Born This Way we just get a bunch of other potential group numbers but crucially I would have only wanted any two out of these, tops. This song comes in fourth because of how fun the original is and how I wish we got a choreo retrospective later on as well. The OG summed up the first 13 so well and a similar look through the eras could have been fun. And this time around it wouldn’t be a quasi Rachel solo. I would have loved to hear Marley on this.

5. Loser Like Me

I find the original one really rather cringe what with Finn singing half of the underdog anthem, and most of you know I have complex feelings on the underdog themes anyway. The only reason this is so high is because I like what they ended up doing with it in 5x13. In fact I much prefer that acoustic version and again I wish the newbies could have been involved but it’s a sweet moment for the senior quartet.

6. We Are Young

I’m biased because this is one of my very fave ND numbers but I think it could have been an appropriate one to revisit. I’m not sure how different a new take could have been but obviously we need different solo distributions and bonus points if we have a mirror held up to the Pezberry moment from the original. The club is all happy and coming together and Rachel almost reaches for Santana’s hand like she did last time but then remembers they’re still feuding. Yes yes delicious.

7. Somebody to Love

Arguably one of the most important group numbers and something that could have been ripe for revisiting. Just because of the tone of the song it’s not the best group number choice but it could even be a tribute to Finn. Maybe a bit redundant to have both this and DSB.

8. Keep Holding On

I’m fine with reprising this in theory and even prefer Puck’s version on most days. I also like how both version are tied to Quinn. But I just have this bias against the original for Finchel and general s1 frustrations reasons and don’t think what they did with it in 100 was all that original. It was okay and I’m glad it made it over other songs but eh. Could have done without it.

9. Lean On Me

Similar situation to Keep Holding On and I might only be ranking it lower because this one didn’t make it. But I can see it happening though in context we’d need to tweak things to make it work.

10. Somewhere Only We Know

Hesitating about that because I really don’t think they should have redone Warbler songs for a variety of reasons. This one feels so personal to Blaine and Kurt that it would almost feel inappropriate to redo and give the new context of the whole club but at least as a song it would fit. A real teary eyed rendition. Again, my preference is as a group number.

11. Get It Right

It’s on thin ice but depending on execution I could see it. Definitely should not be a solo but tied to different storylines, preferably somehow to the Pezberry feud and Quinn’s existential crisis.

Maybe

12. Like a Prayer

These are all biiig maybes because again you only need so many group numbers and very few should have been duets or solos. But can’t lie, Like a Prayer is probably the song I wish Santana had been featured on so I’d be willing to ignore story context to hear her on it. Also has all the group number perks of songs mentioned above.

13. Defying Gravity

Eh, not a huge fan of this having been featured except for Mercedes also getting to sing it. But I don’t see a reason why we needed another two solo version from Kurt and Rachel and the Jonesberry conflict they squeeze in to justify this is not only forced but leads to one of my least fav scenes. It’s okay, they sound good, I get the significance. It’s an eh.

14. Dog Days Are Over

This is our first one where I really am just like, why mess with perfection? It was perfectly good as a Mertina duet and if we don’t have them repeat it that’s rude, and if yes I’m not sure what the new twist could be. Not saying it had no potential but I think it’s one of those cases where the OG is good enough.

15. Toxic

Apart from being the greatest song in existence there was no reason to redo it. The OG had no huge story or emotional significance. BUT, the execution of the revisit was much better than anything I could have anticipated. It’s here in the middle because truth to be told, as much as I am a hardcore Toxic fan I would not have voted for it. Am I glad Toxic s5 exists? Omg, hell yeah. But I think if we take horny reasons out of the equation there’s not much left there. The UHT are iconic but how about we give them some friendship scenes instead. Can’t believe I’m coming across as a Toxic s5 anti lmaooo to be clear I am very, very happy we have this performance. I just have to also think outside the horny box.

16. Bad Romance

So again, why mess with perfection. I don’t see a need to redo it, not with a different context and definitely not with different singers. If we want to revisit a Lady Gaga song, do Born This Way.

17. Bust Your Windows

Why mess with perfection coupled with a plain...why? It’s only a maybe because it is a better option than the songs in the last category but honestly, barely. I don’t see a context where I would have needed a rehash of this.

18. Valerie

Sigh, okay, so do I mind that we have a Brittana duet version of Valerie? Of course not. And I think the context the writers came up with is actually really good and sweet and the Brittana fan in me loves that. But we didn’t need another Valerie. Heather keeps up with Naya on it and the dancing with Jake and Mike is fun. But we simply did not need Valerie again. I’d like to highlight the why mess with perfection point again, as well as pointing out how Valerie had no in-universe significance. In the fandom, it’s Santana’s signature solo but it’s just not backed up in universe with that significance. Again, they made a cute Brittana moment out of it but I’ll die on the hill that this duet should have been landslide. Or rather, I’ll die on the snow covered hills amiright.

19. Forget You

Wow this is really, really thin ice now. It might slip on a banana peel right down to the bottom category. I don’t know what the concept would have been but we don’t need Miss Goop to do it again so I can only think of a big (actual) group number and again, the newbies featured. It just didn’t have the weight of the other group numbers though. A big, big big maaaybe. I guess if we have to have Goop sing.

Who would want this

20. Dream On

Who thought this should be revisited? And I like this GCV but I don’t think to myself, man I wish the Glee Club did Dream On. Several people would have sounded great on it but that’s not enough to hit my criteria.

21. Gives You Hell

What a baffling choice. Particularly in season 5 where Finn’s passing casts a shadow on everything. Once again, maaaybe for the newbies but why would they care for this song.

Actually, it’s mostly the same for the remaining songs. We didn’t need revisits, they weren’t that iconic and held little overall significance:

22. Safety Dance

23. Sweet Caroline

24. Raise Your Glass (I can’t believe this one made it as the group number of 100 omg that’s so mad, why would ND care about a random Warblers song)

25. Take a Bow (WHO wanted this)

26. Hey, Soul Sister

27. Telephone (why?)

28. Total Eclipse of the Heart (I’m glad it was cut)

29. Imagine (no no, no thank you)

30. Roar (are you KIDDING why would they revisit something they performed 5 minutes ago)

[brekker-by-brekkerr]

Hi I was the anon that was talking about the parallels between Troy and EJ's college storyline. I agree with you that EJ needs to be the one that sings "Scream" from HSM3 in Season 4 because the lyrics scream EJ."I don't know where to go What's the right team? I want my own thing So bad I'm gonna scream I can't choose, so confused What's it all mean? I want my own dream So bad I'm gonna scream" these lyrics really reflect where EJ is at right now in his life. 1/2

EJ has already decided that he wants to do his own thing instead of what his father has wanted him to do his whole life which is to go to his father's alma mater. EJ is literally in the same position as Troy was in HSM3 at one point being lost and confused but at the same time wanting to follow your own dreams. This is why it only makes sense for EJ to be the one that sings "Scream" from HSM3 in Season 4 even though he already graduated b/c he can relate to the lyrics more than Ricky does. 2/2

I completely agree anon. I think you summed it up perfectly. Like, we don't know what direction they'll go with Ricky this season and I love Joshua Bassett so I think he could do the song justice, but this is EJ's song. It makes so much sense for him and we need to see him sing Scream. I mean, we all want to scream after seeing everything he went through this season

[georgiaswarr]

iwbft us edition countdown - day eleven

14th of october - tales of dominica by lil nas x

this song in my opinion perfectly captures the feelings felt by angel and jimmy during their stay in jimmy’s childhood home.

‘woke up on the floor / oh, this plastic bed don’t blow up no more / in this broken home / everyone becomes predictable’ already conjures up images of those days. for one, angel is literally sleeping on a plastic bed. additionally, nothing is truly right in jimmy’s home for either of them, be that because of jimmy’s fight with rowan or the fact that angel’s entire sense of identity has just been shattered.

the song continues with ‘sometimes you’re angry / sometimes you’re hurting / sometimes you’re all alone / sometimes i’m anxious / sometimes it makes me / feel like there’s only now’. this pretty much sums up everyone’s emotional state, including rowan, lister and the like.

this sentiment continues in the chorus with ‘i’ve been living in my lowest, it’s safe to say / hope my little bit of hope don’t fade away’ - the hope in question for jimmy and angel are actually each other at this point in time.

further, ‘can’t go running back to home, i can’t face her face’ has many meanings for both of them. angel feels like she can’t go back home because she can’t face the fact that everything she based her life on has changed. jimmy can’t go back to the band because he won’t face the pressures anymore.

the line ‘out on my own, i’m floating in an ocean-less sea’ brings back the water motif to show their hopelessness.

‘could i be wrong? was everybody right about me’ shows a) how jimmy is grappling with his decision to leave the band and b) how angel is afraid her parents and everyone else was right to tell her not to revolve everything around the ark.

finally, the line ‘scary things in my head, i can’t dream and i just’ shows jimmy’s anxiety and angel’s inner turmoils.