#part of that is going out of ur way if u want it. and getting it. making sure youre part of it.
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wosowffc · 22 hours ago
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NEW GUNNER
Part 1
Today is the freindly against England on home solid in Australia so at least I don't have to a lot of travel. I've been playing with the Matilda's for about 3 or 4 years moving up from the u21s, I keep to myself and get on with each day here just waiting for it to be over, I'm grateful don't get me wrong but I'm not a people person.
I wake up early as per usual blinding myself with another gorgeous aus sunrise, throw on clothes and head down to go a walk , I do this every day getting up 2 hours before everyone while at camp so I don't have to do anything with them like sit in the canteen, not that they mind they would rather put a fork in my eye that sit and chat with me.
As soon as I came into my first camp 2 girls tried to talk to me but were quick to be pulled away by people who have played me or played with me at club and told them what I was like but I don't care I'm better off alone. I'm sat on the beach with a take away morning oats from a local shop watching the waves crash against the rock and the crabs rush along to get on with their days. Soon enough the 3 hours which felt like 20 mins had passed and it was time to go back to get on the bus to the stadium.
They game was perfect we had england right where we wanted them and they were struggling to keep on us. Throughout I got my usual dose of hard aimed tackles and fouls to which I kept my calm, we'll, that was the case until bastard Beth mead drags me to the floor off ball and then when gets up fake falls over me kicking my in the side. Is she for real. I'm about to blow and I know it so I pull her back by her shirt when we both stand cause int her to fall and to end it I step on her arm.
She screamed at the action but I don't care it's just rage inside me took over I try to not let it happen really I do but , she got me booked when I didn't do anything, I'm definitely off now.
A red card is shown and I'm booed off which is fair ofc the fans won't be happy with the action. I take myself to my cubby grabbing some clothes and getting a shower and ordering your self a texi to the hotel, there's still a 20 mins and acutivity after before the bus goes and you don't want to deal with the girls not so early after.
You make your way to you room Back at the hotel putting on a tee and shorts. You share the room with the only person who had been nice to you, Katrina gorry, she was you mentor type person when you came in to the squad at 16. You lay on your bed looking at a dark, dark purple bruise forming on your side wincing slightly as you lay a hand in it. A while later the door opens you see the light glow on the wall your facing, a tear dripping down you cheek not wanting anyone to see.
"You alright" is all you hear felling her sit and the bottom of your bed. "Look at me" she says trying to get you to turn away from the wall which u do wiping ur cheeks.
"I didn't mean to boil over, I'm trying" you quietly let out. To which she gives a sympathetic look
"Her arm was broke , listen I know your trying but let others see that, get some sleep you've got a lot of travel tomorrow" she says giving ur arm a rub and getting into her own bed.
You don't want to look weak, your not weak. You have felt with everyone hating you for years already so who cares, not you. You hate national time, fans don't like you, teammates don't like you it's just all shit you love representing your country but who are you to represent anything your a worthless piece of crap. Tomorrow night you go back to your club, Chelsea, nobody likes you their either not since the moment you arived.
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nmakii · 2 days ago
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AND BRUSH, AND BRUSH MY HAIR
— chigiri hyoma x long haired!reader
alt title: chigiri would be my bff bf!!! sighs me and my waist length hair against the world
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well… obviously he loves your long hair. he thinks it frames your face perfectly >_<
one of the best past times to spend tgt as a couple is being in his lap while he brushes your hair out. if your hair is long because it’s a hassle to always get a haircut, he wont let you braid his hair in return. :x only if you love your hair as much as he does teehee
++ if you guys ever share an apartment and bathroom, the shelf is gonna be full of hair products…
also loves to shampoo your hair if you’re too tired to do it… something super intimate about letting him exfoliate your scalp as his finger thread through the tangles in your hair. it’s a simple luxury that only you and he’d know the pleasure of
he luvs trying out hair hacks with you. “babe..! i just saw this hack that says your hair grows healthier and longer faster if you use rosemary oil and rice water..! …where’s the rosemary?”
he thinks ur long hairs perfect… doesnt want you to ever cut it… and if you do end up cutting it, it’s gonna be like that meme “told my girl not to cut her hair. she did it anyway and she looked fine af. this is why women shouldnt listen to their man”
if you ever have an important event going on, and you need to look glammed up, he’s MORE than happy to wake up at 5 AM or whatever to style your hair. he luvs u ofc <3
“it’s not too tight, is it?” chigiri asks as he ties the braid he tied on the side, holding your hair from getting into your face. “yeah, it’s perfect, hyo. thank you.” you hum.
“right. well, good luck at your party, babe. hopefully there isn’t someone who tries to steal you away from me while im not there.” he huffs. “heeh, good luck at your game too, tonight. and don’t worry, ill tell them im taken by a gorgeous man.” you enunciate your words, buttering him up and making his heart turn into jelly.
chigiri abashedly, yet smugly grins. “tch… gorgeous? more like drop-dead charming…”
you scoff, taking your purse as he walks you to the door. “hmm… hyo, what would you do if i wanted to cut my hair?” you ask. of course it was a hypothetical, but it was something you were seriously starting to concern…
“haah? how come? you’re super pretty with it, i won’t like brushing your hair if it’s short..” he huffs, the frown on his pretty lips making him seem adorable. “i know… i like my hair too, but i feel like it’s getting too long… like, there has to be a limit somewhere, right?”
he shakes his head. “well…if you like it, you shouldn’t cut it. when it comes to you, you could have obnoxiously long hair like rapunzel— like, to the point where it’s in my face when we cuddle, and ill still think you should grow it longer.” he hums, a hand unconsciously finding its way to you. “plus, why cut it when it makes your title as ‘world’s prettiest girl’ so much more obvious to everyone else?”
he’s trying to spoil you with compliments. he knows that getting you weak in the head would let him get his way. of course he definitely doesn’t use this power for evil… this was just a desperate occasion. “i mean… once, i dropped my pen, so i bent down to get it… and my hair was on my arm, and i thought it was a lizard and i jumped..!” you recount a story from two weeks ago.
“…pfft… ahaha..!” he laughs. “that just means you should keep your hair out of your face… see? a simple braid like what i did for you right now would be enough.” he rebuts your reasons for cutting your hair.
“…whatever.” you groan. “im still on the fence about whether i should do it anyway.” chigiri nods. “well then, don’t cut it. it’d be like you’re cutting a part of my soul away.”
you scoff. dramatic, much? chigiri rolls his eyes at your disbelief. “you laugh, but i’m serious..! just let me be a little bit selfish… and, don’t cut your hair…” he pleads.
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pumpkinsy0 · 19 hours ago
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since its thanksgiving, im just gonna offer the headcanon idea i know we're all thinking about today: hcs for extended family visiting the curtis' house for the first time and they're very passive aggressive doing that nice but mean southern thing and Pony (having moved to NY in my mind and being the progressive king that he is 💗) is tweaking out a little but is trying to keep his composure so his brothers (and the part of the gang that's celebrating with them) can get to know the family without interruption and be able to somehow be closer to their parents in a way?? Idk but that's my kings logic, but then... they say smth about Curly or him and curly and/or the gang being there and Pony goes OFF. Like no one has ever seen him get so mad and get so VERBAL about it 😭 I feel like once the extended family leaves everyone is like THANK GOD and Pony was so confused because he thought they were chilling but in REALITY they were just as mad as him but bit their tongues because they wanted PONY to be able to feel more connected to their parents through their extended family ANDD perhaps the reason some of the extended family said smth about curly is because OUR KING was telling them off privately or smth! Is this ask too long and detailed to be considered a hc request? (Also if it wasn't clear, adult papercut because I loooove them)
i love thanksgiving beef man, sometimes its funny asf😭😭
but omg u r so real for having pony move to nyc cause i was always thinking the same lowkey,,,,yes its self projection to have him live there but i have other reasons guys i swear i do!!!!
BUT YEA!! hcs woo!!!!!
•ive always believed that mr and mrs curtis kinda ran away FROM their families and went no contact around the time mrs curtis was pregnant w darry, darrys always been aware of it but it never bothered him much!! but he knows soda and ponys always had some sort of curiosity about em, thing is their parents never told them y they went no contact, so when that side if the family reached out they were like “what the hell, sure”
•and for extra drama lets say this side of the family r socs, i like drama what can i say, BUT POINT IS, none of em rlly know shit about the other, but the gang SWEARS to b on their best behavior for the sanity of each other
•skipping to them actually BEING there, i will tell u that while tensions were TOTALLY there, there was a sliver of hope. they were friendly at first (mostly to the curtis bros) and kinda dismissive of the gang asking if they were gonna day the WHOLE day, but they werent “outright disrespectful” so they sucked it up
•yes btw, that was a red flag for like EVERYONE, but like u said, theyre all going through this bs for the sake of everyone else, if one person loses it, they all will
•this isnt to say that the gang is 100% biting their tongues tho!!! they arent taking it from anyone, they just dont do as much as they normally would, they share looks and annoyed sighs too, that whole friendly thing from early is just deteriorating
•ANYWAYS that family is talking shit about everything, its literally EVERYTHING, their house, their clothes, the food, they knitpick EVERYTHING, the only person theyre showing any semblance of respect towards is pony!!! they r absolutely taking shots at darry and soda, calling them irresponsible to raise pony the way they did, and then they say “bless ur hearts”???? oh yea everyone is SICCCKKKK of them😭😭
•nobody rlly has a problem w them hyping up pony, they will take all the shots if that just means pony is respected , thats their little brother right there!!!! so when the family is just questioning pony about living in nyc and his life there, theyre genuinely interested, but ponys not warming up to em, he can feel them pity him a little bit and he hatessss pity
•especially bc their pity is coming from their judgement of his family!!! they feel bad for him for being raised in such a “poor enviorment”
•BUT BACK TO CURLY!!! when they hear about curly being ponys roommate, u already knowwww they got something to say about him, pony didnt even mention them being together, they just had that vibe about pony (LMAOOOO), and turns out talking about curly was just ponys tipping point cause now u ESPECIALLY know nothing about that part of his life!! shut up!!!
•pony blowing up at them would b such a quick thing, he doesnt stay there and argue, he says what he has to say (which idk what he says exactly but ik it was insane, pony has such a way w words) and just walks out to get fresh air
•when he finally calms down and gets himself together tho, iiii dont think hes going back home immediately, he feels so bad for ruining the dinner and doesnt have the strength to go back inside in fear of everyone looking at him and seeing darry and soda all sulky
•eventually after walking for a solid 30 mins he got rlly cole and decided to go back inside and he just sucked it up and went back inside, however!!!! he noticed the family left and his heart dropped but when he walked in he noticed that everyone else was still eating and talking!!happier even!!! yahoo!!!!!
•pony tried apologizing and all the gang said was “who cares, they sucked”, darry DID scold pony telling him not to do that again but pony could tell darrys heart wasnt in it, hes so glad they left😭😭
•pony never told curly about this btw, he finds out about this months later bc of two and curly neverrrr lets pony forget about it and hypes him up
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rocketbirdie · 3 months ago
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dont apologize for going insane im putting my rambles out there to also find insane people 🤝🤝🤝 but yeah i haven't played rebirth yet but seeing people complain on the basis of "it's not og" is ALWAYS crazy to me because it's SUPER clear, in both an in-universe and out-of-universe sense that it's like. Explicitly not OG. It's so explicitly about breaking the chains of og and that's super super interesting. remakeverse is like it's own beast and its very cool and it's also making me lose my mind because the "what if"'s are so beautiful but also [breaking down about the original timeline] THERE WAS SO MUCH LOVE THERE TOO AND IT DIDN'T CHANGE ANYTHING!!!! HEAD IN HANDS. anyway thats to say i agree with all of your thoughts thank u for the insane food
EXACTLYYYYY AAUUUGHHHH the mind-screw of it all..... the implications........
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bibleofficial · 2 months ago
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wallpaper is insane like u find a product w an ugly print ? wallpaper it. just multiple uncoordinated things put together ? wallpaper it. ugly door ? wallpaper it. ugly wall ? landlord won’t let me wallpaper it
#stream#tumblrs aging demographic etc but this was actually abt diys#the years of getting very stoned & watching the sorry girls & not even remembering what the original video was have prepared me to diy#everything#like ALSKALSKALSKLAKSLAKAA i love pullin shit out the trash like u don’t want it ? i do ‼️#i can REPURPOSE IT#i think it’s so funny#like the way i was raised was to recycle or whatever but my father also raised us to save everything bc what if u need the parts u know dads#so i just do. one of my core memories from ‘a child’ i was probably in like 8th grade at this point was when the hubcap of my fathers car#fell off his old as dirt hunk of junk older than me automobile & he was too cheap to pay like 25$ for a new 1 so he took my brother & i to#this like drainage ditch expecting US to go poke around in there & get it & i said absolutely fuckin not#bc this same man would tell us - bc we had to buy our own toys so like we u know saved whenever we got money from bday or christmas or u#know manual labour in exchange for money bc ok yea at least he taught us to demand what ur worth w that but it was like 5c ea pinecone 1c ea#stick or like ‘help me repair the roof’ ‘pressure wash the fence’ i was like 9 ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLAAKS - he’d take us to the toy store &#we’d bring our money but instead we’d go to the hardware store & do all the errands & force us to do everything w him then he’d just say#‘yea it’s too late for that sorry’ like it was just. captive audience. this man is the reason i don’t go anywhere unless i know i can leave#on my own or when i want somehow bc girl …. I DONT TRUST ANYBODY HES A LIAR & A SCAMMER LIKE#but that’s just family heritage it’s genetic we’re a long line of liars & scammers but the buck ends here bc i’m not having bio children#or any children#lord knows i’ll be dead long before the chance could arise#i shouldn’t say things like that but ALSKALKSLAKSLAKSLAKSLA WE KNEW WE’D DIE YOUNG#this started w wallpaper#i’m so high#also very very bored#i’ve to do dishes & i absolutely 100% do not want to i hate dishes so fucking much i hate doing them i hate being around them i hate seeing
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cosmobrain00 · 8 months ago
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well🙂
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3416 · 10 months ago
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i find the difference between mitch answering media questions and willy answering media questions SO fascinating to be honest...
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jrueships · 1 year ago
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looooool lololololol
#sorry im pondering over the thought of diggs/allen afters*x sorry#they have very much opposite actions after doing it#josh loves his naps and his cuddles so he will want to call it an early night night after one handjobbie even#unless hes angry or frustrated. then diggs is gonna be on for a long. aching haul#but stef could go literally 700 rounds in the same night and still try to get up and wobble around the house doing whatever#his strange mind is set to#even with *** still dripping out his ***#obvs hes gonna clean it soon or just lick some of it off like hes a dirty h*e but hes not a dirty h*e u know#but when u have to make sure the singleperson chair is tilted just enough to capture ur good angle when u lay down like a cat in it#u have to make sure t(im not rewriting all that. i forgor)#u know!!#and ok maybe some of the wandering stems from diggs hating to display uncontrollable neediness/beauty in front of the people he cares about#MAYBE HE GETS A LITTLE EMBARRASSED ABT THE WAY HIS THIGHS TREMBLE AND THE MUSCLE JIGGLES THEN TENSES FROM CONSTANT CHANGE#MAYBE HE HATES THAT HE LOVES HOW HE HATES THE WAY HE LOVES WHEN ALLEN'S STUPIDLY BEAUTIFUL BROWN EYES ARE OVERTAKEN BY BLACK#FROM HIS PUPILS BLOWING AND HIS LIPS PARTING IN NOTHING BUT ADORATION AND ADMIRATION OVER HIS WR#and the bliss he's been put in OKAY MAYBE ! MAYBE !!#AND MAYBE BY GETTING AWAY FOR A BIT LIKE AN APATHETIC BLACK CAT SLINKING AWAY INTO THE NIGHT HELPS#KEEP STEF FROM COMPLIMENTING JOSH OVERANDOVERANDOVERAND- AGAIN. BCS HES JUST SO. UGHH. AND HE GETS SO. uGh#when stef compliments him and stef LOVES complimenting him bcs stef LOVES speaking the truth and what he says IS the truth#and josh LOVES hearing it and . UGHHH it's so MUSHY it's GROSS!!!!!!!@! grosser than the *** still in his ***#... even grosser than the fact that stef will sometimes hold off on cleaning up while walking away bcs he knows josh#as tired as he is.. will make the bed heave a great strain of spring and coils from the owner's devoted departure#following stef with blankets towels some freshly brewed tea and wrapping him into a big hug#as he breaks the singleperson couch from trying to cuddle like a giant dog that doesnt know it's a giant dog#MAYBE THEYRE GROSS AND SICK AND STUPID AND DOMESTIC OR WHATEVER! AND MAYBE DIGGS HATESLOVESHATESLOVESLOVES IT???#THATS THEIR BUSINESS !! AND IM UP PONDERIN IT 🗣‼️‼️ SORRY#ted sus#diggs/allen#ted redacted#it's late so ihope noone sees this LOL it's embarrassingfr 😭��� IHATELOVE
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suffarustuffaru · 2 years ago
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hey guys u know how like reinhard can come back to life right after dying anyway what if u decapitate him and then his headless body casually gets back up and calmly puts his head back on like how fucked up would that be haha
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phagodyke · 6 months ago
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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...
#theres this feeling i get sometimes. i find it very hard to articulate. its part despair and part awe. dispair at how beautiful the world is#all those intricate little process coming together to organize the chaos. i dont kno y i feel it so deeply or y it hurts so much#because its just. no matters what horrible things r going on in the world. ur body is this miraculous collection of chemicals and reactions#mobile containers of water with a history that spirals back billions of years. and you can hear and see and experience and reflect#and when you die the world goes on spinning without you. if we as humans destroyed this planet past the part of our ability to inhabit it#it wouldnt even matter. there would be continued life past humanity. cosmically we r tiny and insignificant and we dont matter#but were beautiful and wonderful and infinity complex and knowing that leaves me in agony. because i want to kno everything right now but#mind is too small and i walk around with the disorientation of someone whos just been hit in thr face ans i cant focus enough to read#cant make the words make sense and i cant justify the time it would take to try. so i sit on my deck. in the sun. crying as i think about#how the light hit the grass in my front yard the last time i was home. how the cliffs in the backyard are ringed with red lines of iron#separated out as the water leached through the sandstone. how every avaliable surface is stained green as organisms reach upward toward#the sun. and its beautiful and i dont kno y im crying. maybe its bc i cant just throw everything aside and chase that feeling. im not#allowed to feel it. im not allowed to talk abt it in the way i want. bc im afraid no one cares as much as me in the same way. bc when i#talk abt what i study its obscure and academic and so far from what most ppl think abt that they get intimidated and dont try to understand#so i just try not to talk abt it. or maybe im just afraid. bc i have my 1st TA meeting tomorrow and i meet with my new advisor friday#and im worried and im afraid i wont b able to do this in a way that doesnt make me feel like im dying. bc i like to b busy and i like having#a strict schedule but if u throw me that knife im going to stab myself with it bc i dont kno how wield it as a tool without hurting myself#sure ill get the job done. but at what cost? whatever. ill try to b better this time. try to hold tight to the wonder. but that feels like#reaching out into forever. knowing ill never make contact. not knowing what im reaching for.#the closest approximation to the feeling i can find is that scene in the terror. where go0dsir is asking if god is there. any god. and it#doesnt matter bc he can see god in the landscape. in an environment that's so harsh and barren that its killing him slowly in the worst of#ways and its beautiful. its still beautiful to him. there is wonder here. and im wasting my time laying in a dark room crying bc i put#myself into a container so constrictive that the surface snaps and i come spilling out as an angry liquid. smearing away into nothing#unrelated
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divorcetual · 7 months ago
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The meower
#Queued... technically March 23rd?#I mean its march 22nd in oregon. but im not there rn lolz#either way im late. SORRY !! i forfor to queue on the 20th then i was on planes for like 21 hrs total#well no 5 of those were a layover @ the airport but#ANYWAYYYYY hi future me !!!#Howww was the trip? im on my first (second actually- its 4am of the second day if u coukd the arrival) day in Hong Kong#Its rlly hot and humid so I think im gonna die. BUT ITS ALSO SUPER COOL !!#Even just from the few hours I had out earlier its amazingggg. The lights and the buildings are so cool and theres such a fun but chaotic#atmosphere - idk if its just bcs its a big city or specific to HK?#I loveee large cities in general. New york. Tokyo. HK. thats all of the ones ive been to ig#I havent seen even close to all of HK. Im in central rn but we're goin to other parts later#Dad says the other parts are totally different- Like theres LOADS of gisnt buildings here (WAY MORE THAN U SEE IN ******!!! u know that tho#and theyre almost all residential of the ones I passed. Im sure theres offices n stuff i just didnt see them in the likd 20 minutes cab#ride lolz. U know all tuis already tho#ig what im getting at is HOW WAS THE TRIP !!!!! How was the rest of HK? WHAT WAS KYOTO LIKE??#augh soo many cool things.....#Also also !! Have you learned any mire katakana?#ive JUST learned the vowel line so maybe u lesrned the k line now too?#I cant imagine school is any different. OHH DID U FINISH THE M P 10P COMIC??#I started it and got abt one page done on the plane#I think it should only end up being two or three pages idk#Ohh !! Hows the new meds going !! I think u should have ur blood test done by now so do u know if it helped at all?#I hope soooooooooooo#Mm I think thats all I have to say .... NO WAIT HAVE U HUNG OUT W/ JACKIE??#i rlly want to b friends with her ^.^#Alright Thats all !! HAVE A GOOD DAYYYYYY I LOVE U#queue drop#weather report#WAIT EDIT DID THE TRIGUN VOLUME COME. HOW IS IT
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this-doesnt-endd · 9 months ago
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I used to have a really giant family like tons of tias and tios and cousins and i say used to cause like it seems like after my grandparents died on both sides both families seemed to never speak again and i had no chance to even try and keep hold of those ties i was in elementary school watching my parents marriage crash and burn in real time dealing with major death in the family and then subsequent family abandoning me at the tender age of 11. Hell my brothers were older and jumped ship it was just me and the horrors
#my moms dad and my dads mom were like the heads of their families and they both died really close to each other#but my grandma and a tio on my moms side died within 3 days of each other after being in hospice literally 3 doors away from each other#for months and my parents both took the roles of like taking care of everything and being the descision makers cause no one else would#which im sure was super traumatizing in everyway possible but their siblings both seemed to resent them in ways#when they didnt want to be those people but had to be and they arent even the oldest siblings they are both like 3rd youngest#but like it just ruined the families and me and mom and my dad were all at the hospital or hospice center for months#we were there every day and night i remember it so much i can get anywhere in any hospital in my town using the stairwells#like i knew them that well#it also likely ruined my parents marriage which was bumpy before the intense major tragedy#which like yaknow what fair it was a lot to deal with ontop of like trying to crawl ur way out of the recession#but after all was said and done i talk to no one on my dads side i bearly talk to my older brother#and i talk to like my nina and two tias on my moms side and occassionally a few cousins#when theyre arent being fucking insane and unhinged#idk i loved having a huge family the like going to 5 houses on christmas type#going to birthdays or weddings and seeing everyone taking at least 45 mins to say bye to everyone#and now its gone and i wont ever get it back#and its by no fault of my own cause i was literally 11 and every adult decided i was gonna pay the price too#like i think abt when i get married its not gonna be what i thought itd be or when i get my first movie in theatres#im not gonna have the major family celebration ill have all my friends which im so greafull for#but its not the same yaknow#and id love to have that relatiomship with my family again but like where do u start when its been over 10+ years#like they remember 11 year old me if they remember me#and thats part of the problem#like on my moms side specifically i have some family who acts like theyve never met me before when i used to see them every weekend#and it was a major failing on my part as an 11 year old for not keeping in touch even tho we did my mom calls everyone and she tried#but people didnt want to return it#and as for my dads side its the same and if it was a moral failing for me as an 11 yr old to not reach out and they didnt like my mom much#my grandma fucking loved her but the rest of the family didnt and like i lived w my mom and was fucking 11 i couldnt go anhwhere by myself#and i didnt like not being places without a parent and i hated sleepovers i refused and they took it so personal#and they stopped talking to my dad and bad mouthed him and still do nd ill never allow that around me my dad isnt perfect but hes a good man
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lesbianlenas · 1 year ago
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went to see the aces yesterday which first of all they were amazing it was my first time going to a concert w lesbian music and it was very special to me (also the lead singer was so sexy btw js 😩) but ANYWAY. i asked my friend if she wanted to go w me & she had never listened to them before but she said she would and i sent her some of their music to listen to etc etc. so like we went to the concert it was great and afterwards she told me she thought it was boring and she didn’t like the music. which was kind of crazy to me bc it’s like indie pop/rock music and like as someone who does not enjoy the majority of indie music bc i find it boring their music is not boring 😭 so first of all i find that offensive. second of all she was like well if you find a concert from x artists then i would enjoy that and she listed like three artists to me one of which was taylor swift and i was like. yeah where am i gonna get taylor swift tickets lmfao. but the other artist she listed (i don’t remember the third one she said lol) i just looked up his music and i’m legit like 😭😭😭 first of all this man looks like he just finished hibernating for the winter and crawled out of the cave into the sun for the first time in months. second of all. that’s also what his music sounded like. my point being that going to this man’s concert while he strums a single guitar in a flannel shirt and jeans would be a million times more boring than watching women having fun on stage and singing abt lesbianism idk call me crazy………it’s like i would find it more understandable if it was at LEAST interesting music………
#michelle speaks#& i said to her well you prob would’ve enjoyed it more if u knew the songs#& she looked at me like i was legit crazy & was like i knew the lyrics they repeated them#i was like. just bc you get what’s being said doesn’t mean you know the song like that’s not what i mean…..#like i’m sure i’d enjoy a concert of that man if i knew his songs at least even if i didn’t really like them#at least somewhat even if it wasn’t the best time of my life#bc part of what makes a concert fun is being able to sing along…..like ur going to at least enjoy it more if u do#also she did not like violet by hole. how do you as a woman not enjoy violet by hole. omggggggggg#but like u know if she didn’t like the music that’s fine like w/e but she was making it so obvious to me that she didn’t#like i was like what did u think and she was like um. it was good. u know. and i was like oh so you didn’t like it#& she immediately was like i didn’t want to say but it was so boring and i was like. ok. u didn’t have to actually.#it did just annoy me bc it’s like i really enjoyed it and she like immediately took me out of it w that…..#like instantly lost my post concert glow 😔#anyway tho she was wrong it was actually great & someone threw a lesbian flag on stage at some point & she was holding it#while singing a love song abt another woman & it meant so much to me 💞 my friend simply cannot understand……#also if u think i’m joking abt this man i was so shocked when i saw his spotify header i legit said no fucking way out loud 😭
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ashenberry · 1 year ago
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honest to god looking at people talk about the ganondorf fight im surprised i did so well as someone who could not Flurry Rush or Perfect Parry for shit
#totk spoilers#esp in the notes as i continue to ramble ->#idk if anyways still looking for tips for the fight but BASICALLY what i had going on was#going in i had 15 hearts and 3 of them were gloom locked bc alas i was not perfect at the prefight#and 4 gloom recovery foods (one 9 recov. two 6s and one 3) and i had to basically make it work off that bc i couldnt head out to make more#honest 2 god i would make more to brute force it easier#round 1 i basically forced myself to learn the timing to perfect parry the sword (never got the spear or bat down well) so i could get in#damage that way and then shoot his ass in the head with gidbo fused arrows (i had about 30 left from the quest) you wanna use as little#gidbos in this phase so u can use them to rush thru phase 2 where i just unloaded them all into him#next phase u can hit back all his attacks which is great because good lird i could not slash him if i wanted to#it would usually go he attacks with his sword -> he attacks with the mega gloom that actually steals hearts instead of locking them. knock#back these -> he attacks u with his sword -> repeat#ive heard people say they went through like 5 shields in this part i made it through using only 2#UM. try to get through phase 1 without using any of ur gloom food but if u make a shit ton then u should be good i had to work w/ what i ha#good game! they stole my fuckin clothes at the end again <- i know this is so u can see links arm no matter what u were wearing into the#fight but I WAS WEARING THE CLIMBING GEAR IT WAS ALREADY AN ARMS OUT KINDA LOOK !!#ashen.rambles
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kamipyre · 2 years ago
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@jeoseungsaja​ sent in: Word of advice: Suki, please never cease to be yourself because you're BADASS AS HECK, PLEASE TAKE ALL THE PAPER SAKURA BOUQUETS I'VE PREPARED IN YOUR HONOR || advice that’ll go for miles but really alex gives suki bad advice ( ft. word of advice meme. )
She knows her own worth.
It’s a lesson, a hard-earned one she’s had to learn over the years starting from when her parents had passed away. While many arson victims have had the ability to hide their scars over bundles of clothing, Suki has never had access to such a mechanism. 
Unless one counted a brown paper bag thrown over her head, but that was her high school’s bullies’ method of humiliation.
Folding origami back then wasn’t just a hobby for her- it was a way to build confidence. If she didn’t want to be just the ‘girl with a burnt face’ then she would need something else to distinguish herself by. Something that no one else could do, but more importantly something that would let her stay connected to the two people who had loved her above all else?
But of course self-esteem and a drive that are derived from an external goal could take her so far. Sooner or later, it burns out, leaving cinders behind in the aftermath- like in the aftermath of the VO-8, a time she never wants to return to. With the Origami Killer finally thrown behind bars once and for all, she had been…aimless for a long while there. Her desire finally fulfilled, but perhaps in the worst way possible too- where was she supposed to go from there.
( Her origami skills had dipped there too- what once were crisp lines suddenly turned unsure. Where the folds once aligned as seamlessly like stitches in the helm of a shirt became crooked. It didn’t make any sense! The more she tried to grasp at the mastery she thought she had, the further it seemed to slip away.
It wasn’t until she stopped completely that she realized her origami skills was in fact, parallel to her reasons for joining forensics. If she joined the LAPD to find her parents’ murderer, then her origami were but pale imitation of her father’s creations. Each and every one of them, she would be able to find cleaner if not sharper versions in his workshop had it not burned up then.
It became a test then. A crossroad of sorts there- would she keep clinging to the path she’s taken for all these years, or would she stray to a new path? Make her own version of origami- something that would be uniquely hers and hers alone?
Suki likes to think she’s on her way to finding her ANSWER. )
When she opens the door to her cubicle, she tenses at the unknown silhouette on the top of her- who was in her office and what did they leave her- it certainly doesn’t look like the dark green files the cases come in. She flicks the lights on, praying that whoever had snuck in ( she should have locked it, dammit- ) hadn’t found the files she had been waiting to give to Edgeworth-
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Only to pause. Oh- they’re sakura blossoms. Paper Sakura blossoms, similar to the ones she would fold…although she would have picked a different angle for the stems. And the petals too. And maybe the center too. There’s note tied to the bouquet too:
‘please never cease to be yourself’
She cups one of the branches. She learned the hard way, but without the year of no folding whatsoever, she would have never begun to develop her own version of origami. Would have never figured what reasons are not worth staying at the LAPD for.
“Never again.” She tells herself. Never again, she won’t go back to those times, for better or for worse.
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And then she turns around searching for her cardstock- these bouquets need a paper vase to rest in.
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