#part 3 has to be about ellie’s humanity - her realizing she deserves to have it back.

[mothandwolf]

so tlou3....

I envisioned tlou3 to focus both on ellie and abby; abby in her role at the new firefly location, after everything she’s been through she feels like she can start over and she’s actually hopeful again and more conscious of her actions and unfortunately way more demanding of herself, she’ll take on way too much whether to distract herself or compensate or prove to herself that she was worth making it that far, the firefly facility will come off surprisingly great, with idealistic leaders and hopeful members and abby/lev will get a lot of peace and purpose there in their beginning 

then ellie is alone, I’d love for it to start in Winter and we see how she’s straggling because she has a lot in her head and it can appear she’s aimless or has given up, but she’s really trying to work out what she feels compelled to do, I think of her getting night terrors of her immunity and the virus and I’d love for an element of the virus to be sensory, like how fungi can communicate, it’d be interesting if her immunity has mutated her infection to be able to sense other infected more than the element of Listening but she uses that as her guidepost to go where she feels she has to go, 

and we get to cohesively see abby and ellie on their journey to their own Aftermath and concept of redemption and it can be revealed slowly that this charismatic leader of the fireflys really does want a vaccine. really wants other things with it. and abby, through her desire to be able to be actively supportive of her father’s work is blinded by this leader’s ambition. he doesn’t want a vaccine*, he doesn’t want a cure*, he wants a super serum. and he’s been experimenting on that development with the only individuals fit enough for it: other immune individuals. and slowly abby starts to resistantly piece together why her dad had cut this guy off, why she never knew him, and he views her as his replacement to prove his own ambitions to abby’s dad, 

so now abby has the conflict of feeling like she needs to stop this man, needs to stop this man who reminds her so much of her father, but it’s not the same because he wants something bad... and he’s hurting people, but abby is obviously exhausted from this mindset, so she first tries to manage it, and lev is flourishing but perhaps he says something nonchalantly that’s another aspect abby has to question and it’s all leading up to abby discovering the underground of the firefly base, and finding the experiments, and upon almost getting killed by this hybrid super soldier cordyceps (r.i.p. shredded abby), it stops attacking her, and the leader reveals that he’s able to control it. and she sees the growth on himself, actually corrupting his body, but he’s been immune this entire time which grants him the fungi connection. but she stares at him and he looks insane and she knows all he wants actually is to infect the world with this hybrid virus and it can shine a light (pun) that the cordyceps present has achieved sentience.... or it’s this human’s ambition blinding him. bit of a guesser there they don’t have to pick. humanity, nature, it’s all good.

(there’s like, three different new infected enemies right there like immune individuals infected where the hybrid doesn’t take, the controlled hybrids, and then the defective controlled hybrids idc)

and abby manages to get out of there. and on her break-down stagger outside the facility she runs into. ellie. but only when there’s firefly guns on her. and abby freezes because trauma~ and ellie sees her and freezes because trauma~ and abby does something neither of them expect and says wait. I know her. and vouches for ellie.

and the way it’s shown, you don’t know whether abby is so conflicted with all that’s happened, does she want to give ellie to this place? knowing she’s immune? knowing what it would do to her? that’s what she wanted for so long, and even longer when you splinter abby’s drive towards avenging her father, and right when you think it’s a trap, and ellie still isn’t entirely present emotionally, like she doesn’t care if it’s a trap but more so she feels so compelled (her cordyceps nature or her joel nurture who knows! wink) to be here that if she dies here then maybe she always was supposed to, even before she got infected, didn’t she really just want* to die* for the fireflys*? so right as they’re checking ellie in, it’s like ellie is about to reveal to them that she’s immune, and abby speaks for her. and abby says nothing about immunity. 

and you see them both just stiffly unknowingly watch each other, not knowing how the other is reacting but waiting. and watching. and each caught up in their own thoughts. and abby quickly tells ellie, no she just needs to tell the Leader* obviously, it’s just too dangerous, while abby knows of the immune experiments, ellie still believes she’s the only immune person, but ellie listens. 

and for the shortest bit of time abby is just observing ellie, because she actually knows that look ellie has in her eyes, she knows that brokenness after vengeance, so it’s not an instant trying-to-kill-you reunion but a surreal kinship that feels awkward and way too complicated and actually better off avoided, and abby has lev and of course he invites ellie into their group and they talk a little bit and lev would mention it and abby is just. seeing the person ellie is. and ellie is seeing the person abby is.

and abby goes up in the ranks and oddly it’s like ellie is trying to have her own pre-immunity restart and she’s just proving to everyone how capable she is and boof, team scouts, and then the leader maybe puts deliberately puts ellie in danger because he’s looking for original clicker vs controlled clicker and figures the new recruit is just neater to experiment on and he secretly infects her but ellie. and he just sits there grinning. abby did tell him how good friends they were. and ellie because of her own cordyceps, kinda... feels something is off about this man. but doesn’t know about her mutation so she ignores it. and ignores the fluctuating presences of infected beneath the building. (cos she’s exhausted too!!!!)

so now because of the infection that’s further worsening to his denial, he’s even more paranoid and aggressive. and wants to essentially set a scene where ellie is viciously attacked by infected and abby just stumbles on this, and he’s surprised, and ellie’s surprised, and abby’s surprised, to watch as abby scrapes and tears to save ellie from this. (whether to keep her secret or y’know. save! that! lost one!) she saves her a little too hard. and then boom. awkward conflict tension that ellie had when she saved abby in tlou2 and abby is like. I didn’t save you because -- and basically lets slip that this leader is infected and immune and experimenting and then ellie reacts to believe that abby was trying to trick her or some melodrama like that idc, that abby wanted her final act to ellie would be to corrupt ellie’s immunity* and it’s this dumb weirdly familial fight of “you don’t understand!” storming off crap, and lev just looks at abby like .... “well go after her”

(and I’m sorry but the leader takes lev and deliberately infects him to win abby back to his idea that this hybrid can cure, and woo. doesn’t work. this adds another “..fuck” pain to abby because like. wouldn’t she have done everything to save lev from this had she known and guilt there but also an underlining joel recognition. that that is why, emotionally why, he did what he did, because ellie would’ve died and what if it didn’t even work) and there’s a failsafe for the island to blow up because of all the crazy infected they just. keep there. so it blows and ellie/abby end up on a boat away and ellie is able to sense the leader and his hybrid horde he controls and then it’s ellie looking out for abby and abby being able to recognize that although resist it at first and it’s just this unfolding dynamic of we have done so much fucked up shit to each other but can we actually stop something worse with each other. 

and it ends with ellie almost jumping to sacrifice herself, or try to take control of the horde and that’d be a fun mechanic of like. using the mutation to sense and reroute infected and being able to upgrade it enough to make clickers think you’re an ally instead? and the inner turmoil of ellie tapping into the infection and all of the grief it gave her to try to utilize it............mwah

and abby just stares at ellie like. she believes in her. and why doesn’t she believe the man who reminds her of her dad, why does she believe the girl* who reminds her of... herself. and there’s just so many different emotional components weaving together , and new ellie cordycep mutation mechanic and new hybrid bad guys that mean you have to be hyper hyper aware of your surroundings in relations to where the controller of the infected is or whatever idc and ellie having to explore her immunity and her conflict with her purpose and guilt and abby’s hope having to be realized it has to keep growing itself.

that humanity and the chances we give each other to keep going, keep trying, keep protecting, and keep caring, is worth it. that our lives aren’t just a perilous part 1 or a traumatizing part 2, but we deserve to see it through to our restorative part 3. 

also I just really want them to keep helping each other and just staring like. “this doesn’t mean I like you. it just means I need you. don’t make it weird. here I got you some water.”

whether or not ellie/abby die at the end I’d prefer they didn’t, or they’re just laying there naruto/sasuke style like “we made it this far.” “yeah. we did.” because the fact they’re really just the same just at different points in their life hits me like a train. their humanity bringing out humanity bringing out humanity bringing out humanity. 

maybe abby beats the leader’s hybrid horde and ellie beats the leader by cross-control the cordyceps but starts to lose it to the sentience of the cordyceps and abby is standing there like. fight it. you are you. fight. it. you don’t give up. you’ve never given up. don’t start now. you don’t get to fucking tap out before this all ends. and ellie opens her eyes like. weakly says. “you just like to hear yourself talk, wolf” 

and maybe idc because ellie had been experimenting with sensing and influencing other infected it’s less corruptible than the leader who deliberately infected himself idc whatever 

(gratuitously I also want ellie waking up to abby and abby made sure ellie survived and boom magic happy ending idc but outside abby’s dad and joel’s ghost are just standing there smiling goodbye)

and abby just looks at ellie and ellie looks at abby and it’s like. no one else will have to go through this. we (the children of this traumatized world) are. the last of us. and they smile, crying.

[rcksmith]

Spring breeze part.4 — Spencer Reid

Icon by @obiwansjedi

Part.1 Part.2 Part.3

Sumarry: After the breakup, Spencer and the Reader follow different paths and lives. But, after 8 years, Gideon's death brings an avalanche of emotions, putting the two face to face again in a reencounter that could break their hearts again — season 10 —

Couple: Spencer Reid /Gideon's daughter!reader.

Warnings: mention of death, mention of violence, death of the father, depressive thoughts, murder, crying, swearing, a lot of anguish, mention of love, fluff (but it has a very fluff too, I'm not a monster)

Word count: 5k.

A/N: This is the most sad chapter that has, I promise that the next will be very cute.💖

I saw Gideon's death episode again to make it as faithful as possible for you guys. I used the original Criminal Minds chronology too, being 8 years from Gideon's last appearance until his death.

English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Let me know if you want to be added for a taglist for a specific fandom (Criminal Minds, The Umbrella Academy, Riverdale, Roman Godfrey, or all)

Requests are open. Love you ❤️

— — — — —

Hunting bandits. Save people. Improve the world a little bit every day. Those were the three things Spencer believed it was worth to be at BAU. It was worth fighting for, holding on, staying sleepless for days, being haunted by murderers by day and nightmares at night. For what it was worth looking at the abyss, even when it looks to you

Reid could deal with human perversion, with the thousand and one ways to practice heinous crimes, the sowing of evil and cruelty. He could cope with constantly being inside insane minds, learning his whys and mechanisms. He could take it. He put up with it day after day, case after case. He endured being tortured, stay being held at gunpoint, having a piece of his essence plucked with red-hot iron month after month. Spencer knew he could handle it.

But he couldn't handle death. Goodbye. It shattered his soul far more than difficult cases, pushed his own sanity to the limit. Perhaps burying his feelings as deeply as possible was just a method of delaying the wave that would drown him at one time or another. Inevitably.

Each farewell took a piece of Reid away. His father, his mother, Ellie, you, Gideon, JJ, were just a few of the people who left, living their lives elsewhere. But what about those who died? The victims, the children, Hayley, Maeve, Emily (even if only for a short time) and so many others. These took much more than a piece of him. Maybe costu his whole soul.

Spencer felt himself harden over the years, the cases, loss after loss, day after loss. He felt the purity of his own heart slip through his fingers like sand, the faith in humanity to be put to the test. Sometimes even faith in himself.

Was that the price to pay for that job? Being constantly vulnerable? See his life and the lives of the people his loved most at gunpoint?

It was worth?

Maeve's death shook him more than any other, sucking all the pink glow from his world, leaving him with only the cold feeling of hopelessness. A very deep void. It took a long time for memories of she not to hurt like red-hot iron, for his breathing not to be heavy. It took a long time to be happy again.

And when Spencer felt healed from the deepest wounds, the most visceral pains, he was hit again. Deeply. If Maeve's death was a wave that brought him down, Gideon's death was the tsunami that destroyed him.

“It's Gideon.” Hotch's voice confirmed the fear of everyone in that cottage.

Then Spencer felt shattered. Torn apart. Torn like a rag doll and placed on the fire. He wanted to scream, to scream so loudly that he would never regain his voice. He wanted to break something, destroy some, run away.

But run away from whom? From what? That pain or himself? If Spencer had been able to tear off his own skin at that time and be someone else, he would not have hesitated. Not having dropped to his knees in that cottage was a miracle, because Spencer no longer knew what was holding him upright.

Jason Gideon, in many ways, was all that Spencer had. He knew that they took different paths and traveled different roads, living different lives, but he believed that they always end up on the same, even one they was old. Spencer was sure that if he was dying on his knees, Gideon would be to rescue him. For all those 8 years, it was extremely comforting to think that Gideon was out there, living life, finding the hope he had in college, finding the brilliance the world had.

And Reid knew that Jason had you. And you had Gideon. That was the most soothing and comforting thought. No matter what, he knew that you would take care of Jason, just like he would take care of you. But now... now Spencer's world had dissolved in the air. Like a sandcastle knocked over by the wind.

And the pain was surreal.

When he realized, he had left the room, close to the... body. If he could, Spencer would have moved away from himself. How would he take it? One more death, another psychopath. How many other people he love will are died at the hands of the work he did every day?

The answer to all of these questions was frightening, and Spencer wasn't sure if wanted them.

The trip to the coroner was the worst Reid had ever done, talking about the body was the worst conversation he had ever had. And when Morgan put his hand on his shoulder and said that he couldn't close himself now, that they were going to get that son of a bitch, all Spencer wanted to say was that he couldn't take it anymore. That he couldn't breathe. The emptiness was too oppressive. So much visceral pain.

But that was not what Spencer said. He just clung to the only lifeguard in the middle of the rough and deserted sea: justice. Gideon deserve it.

Reid doesn't know how he managed to get back to the Gideon’s house, how he managed to hear Hotch and Rossi talking about what could have happened. But he was there, standing, by some miracle.

“Do you know who might want to have done this?” Hotch asked Stephen, who had arrived, his eyes red from the crying he struggled to hold.

“No. I know he had a list of things he wanted to do before he died... That's how we came back to speak, one of the things was to get back in touch.” His voice was so reminiscent of Gideon's that it was stabbed in the heart of Reid.

“Didn't he talk about being chased? Feeling anything strange?” Rossi commented.

Reid watched Stephen's expressions carefully, first because he reminded Gideon a lot, and second because he looked for any clues in his reactions.

Stephen took a second to think before saying: “No, but we both don't keep in touch daily, you know?” He swallowed a sob, probably with regret, but then his eyes lit up with some information: “'But Y/n surely know, they both spoke to each other every day, if my father was thinking differently, surely she know.”

The mention of your name hit Reid with a very different wave. Bringing a very different feeling than it should. At that moment, he felt himself holding the air.

For a second, a lapse of consciousness, Spencer had not connected any of this with your physical presence. The notion that you were Gideon's daughter was obvious but, for some reason, Spencer didn't think about the fact that you were going to be there. That you would share the same air with him again, the same place...

“We will have to call her, bring her here to see if something has been left, or taken. If there is anything important on the scene.” It was Hotch.

“I called her as soon as you guys called me.” Stephen said “She arrived from California the day before yesterday, my father and she were going to travel.” He tried to swallow the crying, his eyes trembling.

"And you weren't going?" Rossi added.

“I have a son and a wife.” He gave a smile broken by the sadness of the mourning “They would stop by before I go… Y/n was going to tell me the news, since our schedules hardly match much, she works as an astronomer in…”

“Caltech.” Spencer completed, without even realizing it, like a thought out loud.

“Yea.” Stephen agreed.

Spencer felt a chill go from head to toe, and another ton of feelings were thrown at his back. The reality that he was going to see you again hit him hard. Like an arrow. Suddenly, Reid wanted to get out of there. Run as far as possible.

He couldn't see you. He had no ability to deal with those feelings now. Not now, when his life was so overwhelmed with emotions for Gideon’s death that he still hadn't dealt Not when you aroused the feeling of... hope. Spencer can’t could hope, of any kind. Not for them to be taken from him with visceral force. Reid was already hurt enough for handling another fall.

“... But I don't think it's a good idea for my sister to be here, anyway.” Stephen continued to speak.

Rossi and Hotch frowned: “Why?”

“They were very connected. Seeing this scene is not going to do her any good...” he sobs this time “Y/n is not like me… she is sentimental, emotional. ”

“As long as you're trying to stay calm, she'll be the opposite.” Hotch completed.

“I just don't want my sister to suffer anymore and...”

But it was too late for Stephen to complete. It was too much for Spencer to escape. It was too late to be born again, in a different life.

A gray car moved forward on the stone road, at too high a speed not to have washed several road fines. That was so much typical of you who hurt Spencer's heart pieces more than he thought possible. More than he thought he could feel at the time. You were always so wild at the wheel. But Reid didn't have time to finish a thought, not even Rossi, Hotch, Morgan who was with them or even Stephen. Because car brutally stopped it, the door opened and…

And it was as if the sun came out from behind the clouds after years. As if summer had finally come after decades of overwhelming winter. In a burst, everything you've ever represented for Spencer has come back for him once again. And he felt the same thing that he felt when he first saw you, 8 years ago. And he was catatonic.

You got out of the car in a very hurried and desperate way. And as much as there were tears in your eyes and redness in cheeks, Spencer has never seen anyone so beautiful. Your hair was longer, in a brighter shade, maybe you had dyed it. Your features were more lyrical and beautiful, and Reid thought that the passage of time had no effect on you. While he considered himself just less clumsy over the years, you proved to be blooming like Romania's most superb rose.

“DAD!” But that was when your desperate voice brought Reid's consciousness back to earth.

You weren't calling your brother, you weren't asking why, you weren't in mourning. You were in denial. Disbelieving. You called out to your father, with the certainty that he would show up. And the despair in your eyes hurt Reid more than being shot.

But before the agents could do anything, you were running towards the house and Stephen ran towards you, taking you in his arms, trying to keep you from getting inside.

“LET ME GO, STEPHEN!” You struggled, trying to get rid of your brother's arms, your hair messing with the wind, tears streaming down your eyes. “They are wrong! It's not our father! Let me fucking go! DAD!”

“Y/n” Stephen had a broken heart in his eyes, some tears streaming down his eyes “You need to calm down before you get in there !”

“LET ME GO!” Yours sobs broke the hearts of the four agents over there “DAD!” You was cryng out, almost like a prayer, in a desperate call.

"He's gone, Y/n.” Your brother kept his arms stronger in you, trying to contain you while you struggle in trying to break free and go inside the house, under the illusion that you would find your father there.

“NO!” Now your crying was continuous “I spoke to him yesterday! It's not him, Stephen!” Then your brother turned you to him, holding you tight, and you melted into a visseral pain “It can't be him!”

“I know...” he sobbed, looking at you with the same shared pain “I know...”

So you gave yourself up to a painful, loud and desperate crying, the kind that won't let you breathe. And, unlike Reid, you fallen down. Your knees found the stone and grass floor, your hands clasped on Stephen's shirt, who knelt on the floor with you, delivered the pain you both shared.

You knew what your father's risks were in working in such a dangerous profession. Expose yourself to constant and frightening danger. You always knew about the risks, you just tried to ignore them all your life, sinking your fears about your father not coming home at night. Then, when he let the BAU, that fear dissipated. You felt a colossal weight being lifted off your shoulders, like tons of lead, and you let go of a fear so great that you didn't even know you had it.

For 8 years you thought that the chances of him not coming home were over, that the chances of seeing him the next day had increased dramatically. For 8 years you two traveled together, stopping at every type of diner for milkshake, chocolate ice cream and mint - his favorites - For 8 years you had your best friend, the only thing you knew you had in the world. You always knew that if you were drowning in the ocean, it would be your father who would give his lungs for you to breathe.

You didn't see a life without Gideon.

For you, you were crying for hours in what one day was your father's backyard, totally devastated, but for the rest of the world it was a matter of minutes.

Your sobs were so loud and real that Hotch and Rossi caught themselves with watery eyes, perfectly understanding the pain you were going through, the devastation. The two had lost many people, many of them being essential pieces to be able to continue breathing. Many of them felt wounds that would never heal.

But it was Rossi who approached you, the pain at the top of his throat, his mind wandering the day Gideon said he was going to have a little girl. Unlike Stephen, Rossi never saw you in person, but the sparkle in Jason's eyes whenever he talked about you, or with you on the phone, was enough to know that you were one of the essential pieces to keep breathing.

“Hi, my name is Rossi.” He knelt in front of you and your face went towards him, your cheeks and nose as red as your eyes.

“M-my dad talked about you."” You were still sobbing, slowly letting go of Stephen's shirt.

"Good things, I hope.” The two of you laughed like a sigh, and soon the pain returned to your eyes in a visseral way. “I know this is not fair, and I know it is asking too much, but I need you to go inside and try to find something out of place. Something that whoever did this to your father may have taken or left. ”

You closed your eyes in pain, tears streaming as you sobbed. Your hands, trembling and cold, went to your face, perhaps trying to hide from reality, perhaps wiping away tears. Maybe both. When you looked back at Rossi again, you saw the pain in his eyes too.

"I don't know if I can do it.” You admitted, your voice shaking.

"I know.” Rossi took his hand to yours, squeezing comfortingly “But only you can help us now, help other daughters not lose their father to the same killer. Being inside in the house can bring information that is in your subconscious. I promise you will make it, we will all be here with you.”

His handshake got stronger, and it reminded you of your father. That should have been the same way he comforted the victims' relatives, the way he was supposed to act with people.

'Everyone is somebody's son.' That's what Gideon said. It hit you like an atomic bomb. And, for a moment, you thought it was possible to die of sadness.

You squeezed Rossi's hand tightly, as if you were looking for courage. When you opened eyes again, you gave a weak nod. Carefully, as if any sudden movement is capable of causing you more pain, you stood up, your legs wobbly, your heart bleeding, sadness clouding your vision. Rossi put his hand behind your back, in a way to make sure him were there, as an anchorage in reality that would not let you get lost in the valley of sadness and pain.

As you walked up to the house, you didn't see the other agents, you didn't see the trees, the cars. At that time, you didn't even know what color the sky was anymore. It was like a suspended moment, when the world is in slow motion, the hemisphere is terrified. The sadness was palpable in the breeze, in the way that the rays of the sun did not reach the ground. The whole land looked like mourning.

As soon as you stepped inside the house, the smell of home and Gideon hit your nose, and you felt your face tighten in an expression of pure pain. You didn't notice the agents coming in behind you, you didn't notice Penelope and JJ. You just saw the furniture, the decor, his stuff. As if Gideon had just left for the market and was going to come back.

Everything was in was there. Minus the most important thing: him.

You did not notice when Rossi left you, you did not notice who approached. Everything was in a haze of pain.

But that's when you saw the strong blood marks on the floor, stuck to the wood with possession. A cold shiver as sighed from death ricocheted through your entire body, bristling all over your skin. In a burst, like the bursting of a violin string, the mist dissipated, the state of tupor burst, and reality hit you with overwhelming force.

And then the plug fell.

Jason Gideon had died.

You fell again, barely noticing the sobs and loud crying starting to come out again, the most desperate and painful in you life. But this time the arms that took you were different, bringing with you sensations that you haven't felt in a long time. That a long time ago you forgot that you could feel.

They were long, thin, and contained a vigor hidden beneath the thin facade. The smell of his presence was… heaven. That feeling was your anchorage on the high seas, in the valley of despair, and you clung to him for fear of drowning, of not finding your way back home.

You didn't have to see it to know who it was.

You turned to the arms that took you, now Spencer kneels with you on the floor, and you cried in a way that you never cried before, with a visseral pain. Your hands went to the brown cardigan he wore, closing there as if the fabric was your only chance for salvation.

So you looked at the immensity of the his brown irises.

"He was the only thing I had, Spen.” You sobbed loudly with the crying, gently swaying his coat, your voice utterly torn.

Spencer felt his eyes sting, his throat lock and the remains of what was his heart ache in a hideous way.

“I know.” He felt a tear run down his left cheek, his hands on your arms.

At this time, the two of you supported each other. Gideon meant a lot to you two. An irreplaceable role in yours life. And Spencer knew that was what you were talking about when you said:

"He was the only thing we both had.” You closed your eyes, your hands still firmly on his coat, your heart pounding.

But this time Spencer's voice was just as broken when he said: “I know.”

Then he hugged you.He hugged you for everything. He hugged you because it was a pain that only you two could understand. He hugged you because you needed it, and because he needed too.

Jason Gideon had a special connection with you two, a connection that only the two of you had ever experienced. Each relationship with Gideon was different, special in different ways, but only the two of you had him as a protector, mentor, a much more paternal and confidant figure. He was the kind of person you could leave your life in his hands, the kind who would teach you the secret of the worlds, show you what goodness was and at the same time strength. And you two had that.

You stained Reid's coat with tears, and Reid stained you with the strong smell he had. He stepped far enough away to be able to see your face perfectly, at a considerable distance, and, against everything he had ever done before with anyone, he took your face in his hands, his eyes fixed on your in pain shared.

“We will catch how did it.” Reid assured you, as if he had tattooed this words on your skin. You closed your eyes in pain, but he brought you back “Hey, keep looking at me."

So you did it. Because you would always follow Spencer. To hell if he asked.

"Don't take your eyes off mine, okay?” His voice was so sweet, so gentle, and you couldn't have done anything but agree. “When was the last time you spoke to Gideon?”

“Yesterday.” You replied “We were going to travel to the beach today, I took a vacation from work.”

“Was he at home when you two talked?”

The team looked at each other, with several questions in those look.

You denied it, the hiccup now because of the shortness of breath you had because of the crying.

“He stopped at Roanoke for...” and that's when you seemed to remember something.

Your eyes widened softly, your lips trembled, and you let out a stammering sigh as you try to remember something very important.

“What do you remember?” Spencer stroked your cheeks with his thumbs, trying to calm the beating of your heart that went back to being frantic and making you focus on the question, not the sea of ​​emotions you felt.

“He…” was when your eyes fluttered before meeting Reid's again. “He said he saw a woman on the news who was found dead. And ... and that he had to make sure of one thing ”

Rossi looked at Hotch, who gave an attentive and objective expression.

“Did he tell you why?” His eyes closed again and you sobbed. Reid moved closer, bringing your face back in his direction again “Look at me, Y/n.”

As soon as you did, he gave you a gentle smile, but contained all the pain in the world. He understood what you were felling.

“Why was he interested in the case?” He changed the question.

“I-it was something about...” you searched in your mind “Girl named Tara. I don’t know. He mentioned about a blue butterfly tattoo on her ankle as well, and that it was something to do with a… a case or something.”

“1978” Rossi interrupted and everyone looked at him “Gideon and I worked on a case in 1978, the suspect was never caught and Tara was a teenager who we thought had been kidnapped by him. The killer left dead birds in the hands of the victims ”

“But he didn't mention birds and...” That's when your eyes, fluttering, darted around the room and you stopped abruptly.

Spencer turned his attention to you again, seeing that you were staring somewhere. His hands slowly left your face and he asked:

“What?”

“The board.” You pointed to your father's board, which had a beautiful brown bird.

“Does say anything to you?” Rossi turned his attention to you.

You shook your head, your body too exhausted to go to the painting and examine it.

“He shot the board.” You looked at the agents “My father loved that painting, he never would have done that. Even though my father is stunned, he has the best aim I have ever seen.”

“The devil is in the details." Rossi went to the pinting and, after two seconds, turned to the team and said “I already know who did this.”

You let out a gigantic sigh of relief as the agents split up to continue the case, speaking so fast that you couldn't keep up.

“I helped?” You looked at Spencer, tears still shining in your eyes.

He smiled and nodded “Very.”

But when he got up, you took his hand, making Reid turn his attention back to you again, a questioning look on his face.

“You're going to get it, aren't you?” The sob invaded your voice "Promise me that you will catch him, Spen."

Reid took his hand in your, giving you a strong, comforting squeeze before saying:

"I will. I promise.”

And then he left, along with the other agents.

- - -

You thought you knew what pain was, the loss, the tightness in the heart. You thought that your many relationship breakdowns showed you what it was like to suffer. But you have never been so wrong. None of that compared to how you were now, to what you felt.

You would trade that feeling for anything in the world.

This was terrible. A cold, coercive, brutal and cruel feeling. As if you were at the bottom of a black ocean, unable to breathe, falling deeper and deeper, consumed by the overwhelming cold of the water.

It was impossible to say in words how you felt. But if it were you had to define it in one word you would say: pain. A pain that bends you, a pain that makes you want to scream, that pierces your lungs so that it is not possible to breathe, but that even so, you fight for air.

It was pain at its rawest, most brutal, sharp and atrocious like a dagger blade. You would go through Dante's hells for eternity instead of living one day with that pain.

Since Spencer and the agents went after the person in charge, you have sat on the steps of the front door, watching the nature, the shaking of the trees, but your attention was so far, far away. Perhaps unattainable.

Gideon always loved watching the seasons go by, and in that moment, you wondered if looking at the same thing he looked at every day would make you feel close to him. Feel with him. It had only been three days since you last saw him, when he picked you up at the airport, but you felt like you were past three lives. How would you go without it? How were you able to think of living without it?

You pulled your knees up against your chest, hugging your legs, the metallic, atrocious and icy taste of devastation stuck to yours in your mouth. The trees shook hard, forcing the birds to fly away, but you didn't feel cold. You were not feeling the cold breeze hit your body, nor were your muscles contracting in exhaustion from the hard wood of the steps you were sitting on.

The hunger, the cold, the heat or the craving could not reach you, as if the pain had paralyzed all your system. Probably your soul.

You didn't see when Stephen put father's blanket over your shoulders, nor did you hear his sobs for seeing you so devastated. But you smelled Gideon, and the warmth of the blanket was like having his arms around you again. Then the rest of the water in your body found its way to your eyes and crying was as automatic as breathing.

You were clinging to Spencer taking the son of a bitch who did it, trying to chase away any other thoughts that weren't about that. You didn't want to think about what would happen after he was caught. Which meant his capture for you. It would bring justice to Gideon, honoring his name, his life, but it wouldn't bring him back. What was taken from you would not be repaired, regardless of the end of that damned man.

When he was caught, you would have nothing else to focus on instead.

You don't know how long you stayed there. Hours? Days? The those peach and gold tones in the sky is from dusk or the dawn of a new day?

You had lost track of time, as if your watch had stopped since the time Gideon died.

The sound of cars on the road was the only thing that pulled you out of your fucking valley, and as soon as the black SUVs stopped, you stood up as if you had been waiting your whole life for that moment. The blanket fell from your shoulders, heart accelerated at an alarming rate, and for a second, everything was gone from your mind.

Rossi was the first to get out of the car, but yours eyes darted to Reid. You wanted to run, ask what had happened, listen to the answers. But you were paralyzed in place. Afraid of the truth, of reality.

What would become of you after that news?

Spencer came towards you without hesitation, and you couldn't take your eyes off him for a second. He didn't say anything, nor did he explain anything. It was not needed. The way he reached out his hand and placed your father's rings in your palm were enough answers.

Your whole body shook and you looked at Reid with more emotions than askers.

"He is dead." He told you, and it made you fall down again.

But this time you fell into his hugging, clinging to him in despair. There were many meanings in that embrace: gratitude, relief, fear, pain and grief. And Spencer hugged you back in the same way.

You two stayed that way for a while, even when the agents went to talk to Stephen, even when Garcia and JJ left the house, even when the cold wind hit you both.

“Thanks." You heard yourself say it, and Spencer shook his head, signaling that it wasn't necessary, and the two of you moved away.

So you went to Rossi, and hugged him too. In that second, Rossi could feel Gideon in that hug, and it took a second to not cry.

“Your father was a great man." He told you when the two of you walked away, and you agreed on a sad smile.

"He was." You looked down at the rings in your hand, staying a second there before turning to the agents and saying: “You guys are going to the funeral, aren't you? I ... my dad would like it w-very much.”

"Of course." Rossi guaranteed it.

As they walked away and went back to the car, heading for their own houses, your eyes met Spencer's and he whispered in the air to you:

“I will see you at the funeral."

You nodded, giving you a sad, grateful smile. And while everyone was leaving and you were looking at the rings in your hand again, you had a feeling that your story with Spencer had just started over.

A/n: I also lost a very important person to death, and for everyone who went through it too, I mean that no one is alone! My message box is open if you need anything! Love you❤️

Tagged @gublersuvula

@peculiarinsomniac

@measure-in-pain

@nobutalsoyes

🍒 @misshale21

[spnopineapples]

ALRIGHT PEOPLE. I'm READY.

LAST OF US 2 SPOILERS!!!!

......

.......

Are ya gone yet? Have you scrolled past if you don't want to see?

....

Alright. *CRACKS KNUCKLES AND NECK* Let's jump on into this!

First off I'm done with the game.

Second off..... THIS GAME WAS FUCKING PHENOMENAL!!! 10/10

The ending litterally killed me. Finished 2 hours ago,talked the ear off of my best friend for about 1 and a half hours and gushed and lamented the whole time. Cried for about 20 minutes by myself. Had an existential crisis. So on so on. And now I'm here, in the middle of an online meeting cause, ya know, Corona, muted with no camera on, because I'd much rather be typing out this dissertation.

Y'ALL. Go play this. It is AWESOME.

Now for the third and probably longest bit of this. My rebuttal to the bad reviewers:

I still contend that the bad reviews are 1 of 2 reasons with a little of a 3rd mixed in to both. #1. Being that people are pissed they killed off Joel and think the story did a disservice to the characters. #2. People are pissed because they think Naughty Dog was pushing a liberal agenda with a heavily muscled female antagonist/protagonist, a gay Ellie, and a transgender side character, Lev. The mixed in #3 is the extensive violence which I do contend was a lot. Yeah LoU1 was definitely violent, but damned this one got dark. And that's something coming from me because I am a fan of gratuitous violence.

Let me tackle these real quick. I'll be brief about #2 here though.

IN REBUTTAL TO REASON #2 - If you honestly didn't like LoU2 because of this reason (which I explained in my previous post about how IT IS logical that Abby be built the way she is and how Naughty Dog was definitely NOT shoving this or ANY of the others i mentioned in anyone's face in my opinion) you're in need of some corrective thinking and you should re-evaluate your ideas and realize that your opinion on these social issues doesn't matter and is wrong. None of these things make the game story illogical or bad. Bottom line: there are people like this in the world and their stories in this game drive the plot. It doesn't belittle the previous games or detract from the current game at all. You're just bigoted. Calm your tits and don't play the game if it upsets you so much. Pull a Seth and bury the hatchet. Make some steak sandwiches.

But I'm going to give the benefit of the doubt and imagine that the majority of the bad reviewers were more pissed at reason #1, Joel's Death. But real quick.

IN REBUTTAL OF REASON #3 -If you hated the game because of the amount of violence, do realize that the violence was the point of the story this time AND IT WAS SUPPOSE TO BE A DRAG ON YOUR SOUL. LoU1 was about finding love again in a violent world. Love being in the foreground and the violence a backdrop, which is why the violence didn't feel so in your face even though it was PLENTY violent. LoU2 was about succumbing to the violent world because of losing love. Violence being the foreground and tainted love (insert song here ya bastards) being the backdrop that drives it. AND HERE IS MY FAVORITE PART PLEASE READ THIS PART AT LEAST IF YOU DECIDE NOT TO READ THE WHOLE THING.

Think of the two endings. LoU1 WAS a story ABOUT finding love in a violent world BUT ENDED with Joel committing a violent act to protect his love (killing all the Fireflies, 1 of which was Abby's father and the driving reason for LoU2's main plot, and DOOMING THE WORLD TO INFECTION AND DAMNING HUMANITY). LoU2 WAS a story ABOUT losing love and reacting with violence BUT ENDED with Ellie doing a peaceful act (allowing Abby to leave alive with Lev) because of the love she had for Joel (that flashback scene of Joel playing guitar when Ellie decided to forgive him for the violence and lie at the end of LoU1).

DO Y'ALL SEE HOW IMPORTANT THAT IS?

There NEEDED to be a LoU2 because LoU1 ended with violence and a lie. LoU2 fulfilled this with an ending of forgiveness driven by a memory of love from the first game.

I've read a lot of the bad reviews where they mention the violence became too much and ruined the game. And that Ellie wouldn't act like that. First off Ellie totally would, fuck off with that noise. Second off THAT'S THE POINT. This was a story about how revenge is cyclic violence and it doesn't end until someone makes the decision to end it!

BOTTOM LINE: I felt ragged 2/3's of the way thru this game because of the violence, but that's the point of the story. Revenge is not worth it. Especially when it's with people like Abby and Ellie. Because neither are villians. AND BOY HOWDY DID IT TAKE ME A LONG TIME TO COME TO TERMS WITH THIS. Because I HATED ABBY FOR KILLING JOEL. When I first started playing her I DID NOT WANT TO BECAUSE I WAS ANGRY WITH HER. I litterraly felt dirty playing her. But this game did something amazing to get me around to appreciating her character. NOT LIKING HER CHARACTER, but appreciating. And I will tackle this in my next rebuttal.

IN REBUTTAL OF REASON # 1 - Let's talk about Joel's death.

I WILL NOT LIE TO YALL.

I was mightily upset about his death. At first I thought it to be a disservice to a beloved character. But then I realized something. See above about Joel's actions. He killed all those Fireflies and DAMNED THE WORLD. Not only that it is specifically mentioned in both LoU1 and in this game that Joel and Tommy did horrible things before they met Ellie and before Jackson. JOEL WAS NOT A GOOD GUY.

I think what people are upset about is the REALNESS of this game. A lot of other game developers don't do what Naughty Dog has done. Naughty Dog did not shy away from Joel's character flaws and his past wrongs! In fact, all the user's that use the reason for hating the game as "too many plotholes" Y'ALL FUCKING PLAYIN. More on that later.

Back to what I was saying about realness. In the real world, Joel's death and the brutality of it and suddenness of it is actually a very logical event that would occur. Abby doesn't KNOW Joel like we do. All she knows is this guy killed her father and a lot of her friends and damned humanity in the process. LoU1 is not a happy game. Might I remind yall about Sam and Henry? But his death was not "sudden". And it didn't steal Joel from us. I actually really enjoyed all the flashbacks to him. We got more than enough time and I actually feel as if the time we got with Joel was better because of his death so early in the game. DO NOT TELL ME THAT THAT NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM FLASHBACK DIDN'T FULFILL EVERY FEELING NEED.

And now for the wrap up - the big hangup that I see of those who hated Joel's Death is that the story didn't redeem it. They couldn't "buy" Ellie forgiving Abby at the end.

As I stated I will not lie. I was worried for about 2/3s of the way through this game that the bad user reviews were accurate and that the story sucked because I couldn't see where the writers were going. All I saw was senseless death of characters that I had loved and that I was coming to love. I straight up love Jesse by the way. It wasn't until Abby met Lev and Yara that I started seeing the majesty of this revenge story.

BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS I HATE FUCKING REVENGE STORIES WHERE THE MAIN CHARACTER IS LIKE, NO, THEY WOULDN'T WANT ME TO DO THIS. Before this game I'd be like "miss me with that bullshit" but after today I would say "give it to me like this." This actually felt real. And boy was it raw. Guys, the reason I started forgiving Abby is because of her decision to help Yara and Lev. Because it was her attempt to right the wrong of killing Joel which was eating her alive. Her and Owen and Mel. Guys. She is Joel. Why the hell do you think Joel did what he did for Ellie in the first game? Because he liked her at first site? BULLSHIT. He did it because Tess told him to do something good for once. IF YOU ARE UPSET WITH ABBY THEN YOU SHOULD BE UPSET WITH JOEL. I get it. Abby had to earn that with her story because at the beginning I'd have said leave her to the clickers. BUT CONTRARY TO THE USERS OF THIS REASONING SHE DID DESERVE HER REDEMPTION. The game shows over and over and over again that Abby isn't some mustache twirling villian who deserves instant death. She is complicated. She cares and she hates and she loves. She knows what's right and wrong and tries to do right as much as possible but she's human and she gets angry. Anger means you care.. and she cared about her father. She's a good human too because good humans feel shitty about doing shitty things and if you are observant at all you can tell immediately with Abby, as we play her in her Seattle Day 1, that she has doubts and isn't comfortable with her role in how Joel died. SHE DESERVED BEING FORGIVING BY ELLIE AT THE END. AND IN THE SAME TOKEN ELLIE DESERVED FORGIVING HER AND BEING FORGIVEN BY ABBY. It is very clearly obvious by the end of the game that Ellie could not reconcile her revenge killings with her best memories of Joel or with the actions she had to take to get there. Also it is of very important note here that Ellie stopped drowning Abby because of a flash image of Joel playing guitar. And then later on actually seeing the memory associated with that image that stopped her you can understand why Ellie did stop outside of just being as tired of violence as Abby was. The memory shows Joel and Ellie agreeing to try to forgive Joel for lying to her about the Fireflies and denying her her purpose. All this the night before he is killed. Note what Joel says. "If God gave me the chance to do it all over again. I would have done the same thing." Just that fucking devotion he has for Ellie shines through and she really understands his reasons for what he did. Still doesn't feel as if she can forgive him. THAT IS IMPORTANT. She DOES NOT agree with his decision. She understands it, but doesn't agree. But still decides to try and forgive. GUYS. That's exactly what she understands about Abby. Joel was sorry but he still would have done it. Same with Abby. There's a reason that image popped up as she was killing Abby and not the image of his beaten up face.

Remember that line from LoU2? Tess said it. As she is confessing to Joel that she was bit. "We're shitty people, Joel. It's been that way for a long time!" And Joel says "No, we are survivors!"

Y'all don't think for one second that Joel wouldn't have gone after that Soldier who shot Sarah if Tommy hadn't shot him? Y'all kidding yourselves.

Abby realizes this truth in the end. She realizes the part she played in enhancing and playing into the fucking violence and shittiness. Staining and tainting herself in the process. She just wanted to be clean. And Ellie just wanted to be clean.

Bombing this game is doing a fucking disservice to the emotional complexity of this story. It's been a long time since I've been that emotionally twisted.

This game isn't preachy. This game makes something clear that alot of other revenge stories get wrong. Revenge makes otherwise good people do shitty things and the shitty things taint us for the rest of our lives. At least Ellie and Abby stopped themselves before they tainted all their being.

Yeah we're shitty people. But we don't have to be.

[saphicfreshman]

Spoilers tlou 2!!!

A lot of people seem to think that the entire message of the game is that violence is bad but I actually think that there is soo much more to it... (I'm gonna ramble about a lot of things and it's gonna be quite long, so sorry in advance. Also this is just my personal take on it. Please, don't feel offended if you see it differently)

1. As a player we feel incredible hatred towards Abby as a character after she kills Joel and we simply want to hurt her in the same way. We despise her, which is a natural human reaction. However, the point in this game is that it forces us to see the other perspective. It forces us to admit that maybe we weren't playing the heroes because in this game nobody is. This game revolves around humans and what they have to do to survive.

2. A lot of people complain that the game judges your actions or makes you feel guilty. It never explicitly judges anything. It simply shows you the different perspectives and that you feel guilty is on you, not on the game because through the game, we as the player realize that our actions had consequences and that we didn't just kill NPCs but humans who had friends and families and had their own personality. This makes the game so much more realistic.

3. If you don't play this game narrow-minded, you will see that Ellie and Abby have exactly the same motives. They both seek revenge for the same reason and even though Abby killed our beloved character Joel, we have to admit that Ellie and Tommy killing most of her friends and Joel killing her father the surgeon were pretty good reasons to justify her actions. We aren't supposed to love Abby after all she killed Joel but we are supposed to sympathize with her and at least I can say that it truly worked for me. At the beginning I only wanted revenge for Joel but on that beach scene I truly didn't want to see her die and I didn't want to fight against her.

4. I've heard many people say that the game forces you to dislike Ellie or to see Joel as the villain. I don't agree with this statement at all. The flashbacks we see of Joel and Ellie make Joel seem like such an amazing guy and make him even more loveable. We see that his relationship with Ellie grew even stronger until she found out that he had lied about the fireflies and we saw that Joel got softer in the years after the first game. He seemed to open up a bit more and I think that is due to his peaceful life in Jackson. I loved that development and I think that is also the reason why he told Abby's group his real name. He didn't see them as a threat since Jackson welcomed outsiders and constantly took new people in.

Concerning Ellie's storyline: Yes, she makes a lot of bad choices and I didn't want her to go down this path but I also understood why she did it. I don't hate her, if anything I feel sorry for her and want to protect her even more because of everything she's been through. Yes, she did threaten Lev but I can understand why... I played through this game in a bit more than two days and when it came to the beach scene I just felt exhausted and I wanted it to stop. When we as the player already feel like that think about the character. Ellie was wounded, has left her family and has done horrible things to get to Abby and now Abby refuses to fight her. Everything she had done would have been for nothing if she didn't fight Abby. So, I personally think that Ellie was desperate and that's the reason she threatened Lev but I also think that she wouldn't have killed him if it came down to it.

5. Now that I'm already talking about the ending, I want to add that I think that assumption that Ellie has lost everything at the end of the game is wrong. Yes, she has lost a lot but at the same time she found herself again. She stopped the cycle of hatred. If the game would have ended with Dina, JJ and her it would have been incredibly sweet but it wouldn't have been a character development. Because she was forced to let Abby go after Abby defeated Ellie and Dina. Ellie didn't have another choice in this moment but in order to let go of the hatred, she had to spare Abby out of her own volition. At the end she regained some sense of humanity and there's still hope for her. At least that is what I got from that ending. In my opinion the reasons why she spared Abby are these two things:

1) Through the flashback she saw Joel and realized that no matter what she did he was gone and nothing could bring him back. At the same time she probably remembered Joel for who he had been in the last few years and what he would have wanted her to do.

2) She thought about Lev who had nobody except for Abby which is such a strong parallel to Ellie and Joel. She didn't want to cause Lev the same pain and suffering by taking Abby away from him.

6. I saw many messages about how important these characters (Ellie and Joel) are to people and how they deserved better/were completely different characters in this game.

I started playing the first game when I was 14 (just like Ellie) but I was honestly a bit to scared to play through the game so I played different games until I came back to tlou a few years later and I found myself incredibly impressed with the story. I loved how despite the cruel and harsh world Ellie and Joel live in the game still made me feel happy and calm in many sections. It was such a joy to watch the relationship between Ellie and Joel develop throughout the game. Playing the dlc and finding out that Ellie is a gay woman, just as me, obviously made me love the character even more.

Nowadays, I'm 19 (again just as old as Ellie) and I have become more mature, I have to face bigger and different problems than with 14 and I see the world in a different way. (I know that was a lot of information about me, I'm sorry but I promise I try to get to a point)

In the second game Ellie isn't the innocent, sweet little girl anymore that we got to know in the first game. She has been through a lot, she has different problems now and simply life in general is a lot more complicated than with 14. A huge part of the first game was about Ellie's innocence and how she grew up in front of our eyes during the game. "It can't all be for nothing" is in my opinion such a powerful line that explains her character development in tlou 1 perfectly. In the second game she is an adult with complex and complicated relationships and a different world view. She stopped being the innocent child a long time ago and is now a grown woman who isn't dependent on Joel anymore. So, that their dynamics would change is obvious. I am sad at the tragic turn of events for Joel and Ellie in tlou part 2 but I believe that the characters are incredibly well written and just a good continuation of the first game.

7. I see many people being toxic and attacking the story saying that it is "shit", "horrible", and that a child could write a better one. And I have to say that the people who say this probably would be more content with a fanfic like story from a child that includes a nice, action adventure and a happy ending. A light-hearted story that's maybe a bit dark sometimes but overall pretty nice. But that's not what Neil had in mind, because it truly would be easy to write a story that would appease the masses and that would be a slightly different game than the first one but overall with the same atmosphere to it. I think that's what a lot of fans wanted and that's not what we got.

Instead we got an amazing story that was incredibly emotional, took turns and forced us out of our comfort zone. I know that I will never forget this gaming experience. Especially the moment where I had to attack Ellie as Abby and I truly thought I was going to kill her. I smashed the square button while at the same time repeatedly saying: "please don't die Ellie, please don't die". I've never had such a weird, conflicting experience and I have never felt so many different emotions while playing a game. If naughty dog and Neil Druckmann had given us the game we wanted, it would have been a good gameplay, amazing visuals and great music and sound choices but it would have been a story that would have tried to recreate the first one and therefore it would have been easily forgettable and not impactful.

This game just keeps on making me think about the characters, reflecting on their actions and makes me feel so many different emotions that I'm not even sure what to think. And this, at least for me, is a masterpiece.

[theredhairedmonkey]

Viren and Callum—Defining Heroism

Callum is a foil for each of the three antagonists, and each season focuses on a different pairing.

During Season 2, Callum’s arc was a foil to Claudia’s. I break down some of the similarities between them here. Callum and Claudia both exhibit a curiosity to learn more about magic (particularly at the Moon Nexus), and both are fiercely protective of those closest to them. To the extent they will use Dark Magic to protect them.

But whereas Callum tries it once and decides to reject it for good, Claudia continues to succumb to this temptation, time and time again.

During Season 3, Callum’s development is contrasted with Aaravos. At this point, Callum is, like Aaravos, a magical prodigy; each had mastered at least one Primal Source they weren’t born connected to.

Additionally, both demonstrate great influence over the lives of those around them. But they are diametrically opposed in terms of their goals. Whereas Aaravos cares primarily about advancing his own interests, Callum wants to genuinely help people, and empower them to make their own choices (as opposed to manipulating them like Aaravos).

This foil can be summed up simply—Callum is motivated by the Narrative of Love. Aaravos is motivated by the Narrative of Fear.

Harrow: “I ask you and your brother to reject history as a narrative of strength and instead have faith that it can be a narrative of love.”

Aaravos: “You tried to win over the other humans with loyalty and friendship, but they ignored you. Those who fail tests of love are simple animals. They deserve to be motivated by fear.”

But the focus here is on Viren and Callum, and starting in Season 1 and throughout the first three seasons, Viren and Callum have very deep, narratively important parallels with one another.

Both are the mages who advise their respective Kings.

Callum: “When you grow up, sometimes you have to face things you’re not ready for.”

Viren: “He insisted I stand next to him in the painting, because he knew I would stand by him through anything.”

Both are curious and want to explore the depths of magic to the greatest extent possible.

Viren and Callum are also both insecure in their place in the world, relying (at least initially) on magic to help give them a sense of belonging

But their differences not only define their dynamic, they also define many elements and themes to the Saga, in particular as to what it means to be a hero.

To begin, Viren is great, though not necessarily good. That is to say, even though he may be capable of great deeds that save countless lives (such as in saving the people of Duren with the heart of a Titan), these deeds don’t actually make him a heroic person.

This is because every great deed he did stemmed not from altruism or compassion (no matter how well he convinced himself that it did), but from his tragic flaws: his arrogance, his vanity, and importantly, his hubris—his belief that he can subvert the natural order in his favor without consequence.

From what we can gather, Viren is a force to be reckoned with. His skills with magic have made him so powerful, he can cast a spell that would save two kingdoms from starvation.

They are also such that he’s considered by Amaya, a talented warrior herself, perhaps “the most dangerous human in the world.”

His martial prowess is quite exceptional as well, as he’s able to go toe to toe with two Dragonguards for a time. Even though they’re elite fighters and they’re flanking him, he’s able to hold his own for a while before having to resort to magic.

However, Viren is a tragic character. I don’t mean this in the sense that we should feel sorry for the power-hungry man who attempted to murder two boys and steal the throne. Rather, his “greatness” is undermined by his personal flaws, which he can’t quite shake and prevent him from being good.

Part of Viren sincerely wants to improve life for his people. When talking to Aaravos, to whom he has no motivation to lie, he states his aim is to help mankind flourish “without a knife to its throat”

He’s even willing to consider sacrificing himself, either for King Harrow or, in Lux Aurea, for his army.

Aaravos: “We’ll risk as few lives as possible. One.”

Viren: “Ah. Mine.”

But as per his hubris, he exhibits great pride in how his abilities can help mankind flourish or save his people. While he wants mankind to prosper, he wants this to be his achievement and wants people to know that he is the one who saved them.

In his story to Queen Aanya, he places a bit of undue emphasis on the fact that he was the one who up with a solution that saved Katolis and Duren. Whether or not this is what happened, it’s clear that he wants Aanya to know that he personally saved her kingdom.

A little less unclear is how necessary he ultimately was. Sarai goes back to save Viren because “without him to perform the spell, the heart is worthless, and this was all for nothing.”

I’m...skeptical as to whether this is what Sarai says, or if it’s Viren intentionally or unintentionally reading in what he wants her to say. Truth be told, Viren has no idea if this is what Sarai said because he wasn’t there when she said it. And why is the heart worthless? Viren wasn’t the only Dark Mage in the world, and probably not the only one between Duren and Katolis. There’s no reason why another mage couldn’t perform the spell.

But for Viren, the heart of the Titan might as well have been worthless because, in his mind, he’s the only capable of accomplishing these great feats.

Even when he was potentially willing to sacrifice his life for Harrow, he botched it with his  speech to Harrow.

Viren: “Right now I do not come to you as my King. I think of you as my brother.”

Truth is, none of this throat-clearing is necessary. But, Viren’s not quite so humble, even when he’s attempting to do the right thing. He still wants to be seen as someone special, even when laying his life down for another.

Turns out, this was entirely the wrong thing to say to Harrow, who is put off by Viren’s self-righteousness.

Harrow: “I see the problem now. It’s that you believe you are special. Better than everyone else, above the laws of this kingdom.”

When he’s forced to kneel and Harrow calls him a servant, this infuriates Viren and he sets aside any plans he had to sacrifice himself for his King.

Harrow: “You are a servant of Katolis. You are a servant.”

Because if Viren is going to sacrifice himself, he needs people to know what a great thing it is that he’s doing. He’s not a mere servant, he’s their savior.

It’s interesting that Viren’s pride is so hurt of being called a servant of Katolis, since that’s exactly how Harrow sees himself, according to Viren.

Viren: “King Harrow worked tirelessly. He told me he thought of himself as a servant of all the people of Katolis. A servant King.”

But Viren doesn’t see himself in this way. When his potential sacrifice is treated with the same level of significance as though he were anybody else, it offends him that he has to share that importance with others.

And thus, his pride leads to his downfall, casting aside his desire to protect his King, and replaces it with a desire to be the King himself.

Viren: “Today, we must mourn sevenfold. For tonight, there will be a coronation.”

Callum, on the other hand, begins his journey on the opposite side of the spectrum from Viren. Whereas Viren can accomplish great feats without being good, Callum is a good person, though not great.

At least, not yet.

According to the main site, “Callum has a big heart, and always tries to do the right thing.”

He can be super proud of himself and his accomplishments, but he usually has enough perspective to avoid letting this get in the way of what he knows is important. For instance, he connects to the Sky Primal, something thought of as impossible for humans, he immediately shifts his attention to Ezran, never once bragging or reminding people of his accomplishments.

Corvus: That’s incredible, Prince Callum.

Callum: Thanks…uh, who are you?

And, when it comes time to laying his life on the line for others, he never hesitates. Notably, around the same time as Viren was thinking about sacrificing his life for Harrow, Callum was preparing to sacrifice himself for his actual brother, but with none of the bravado or self-righteous congratulating of himself.

Just a solemn, quiet attempt to save his brother, even at the cost of his own life, and even without anyone finding out about his sacrifice.

For Rayla, he performs Dark Magic, knowing how much she could possibly hate him for it, but deciding that her life is worth more than how she sees him.

Callum may start out with a big heart, but when it comes to his skills, well…

But if Viren begins as both powerful and amoral, it makes perfect sense to have Callum’s arc to begin as his opposite--someone without any special abilities but with a strong moral compass.

Because of this, we get to see him go from good to great. And his story walks this fine line, where he develops these magical abilities to perform heroic feats walking hand in hand with the realization that he doesn’t need magic to be heroic.

Callum: “It’s up to us now. We have to return this egg. We have to keep it safe and carry it to Xadia.”

Callum has the same temptation as Viren—this need to be someone important, which is a big part of his arc in S1 and S2.

In S1, he initially places a high premium on his sense of self-worth, willing to put their mission in jeopardy just so he can obtain an object that might help him become a better mage.

He assigns great importance to objects (such as the Primal Stone and the Key of Aaravos) rather than focusing on people or lives. Much in line with the way a Dark Mage would attach significance to magical components that are needed for spells.

Callum: “The truth is, its not me. It’s this. All the magic, all the power, all the confidence. It's just because of this amazing thing. A Primal Stone.”

Ellis: “That Primal Stone needs you to do all that amazing stuff. Without you, it's just a neat, glowy ball.”

Callum: “I guess so. But without this, I'm nothing. Just a guy who can draw and make wry comments from time to time. And they're not even that wry.”

Much like how Viren assigns great value to the mirror or the Dragon Egg, even above his own children’s lives.

Viren: “The egg. If you have to choose [between Soren and the egg], choose the egg.”

But by the end of S1, he realizes just how much more important the lives of his friends and the Dragon Prince are over his own sense of pride or self-worth. Unlike Viren, who places a great degree of importance to his sacrifice (honestly, Harrow should be honored that Viren would consider throwing himself on the sword for a mere king), Callum simply makes the realization of what he needs to do…and then does it.

S2 follows the aftermath of his decision, and Callum has to deal with no longer having his mage abilities. Again, he latches his entire sense of self-worth to be able to do magic.

As @raayllum​ points out here, he also aligns his ability to do magic to agency. Without magic, he’s paralyzed by indecision and an inability to do the right thing. He believes himself imprisoned by his inadequacy.

Callum: “If we're really going to change things, we can't just watch while humans and Xadia keep hurting each other. But how do I take a stand? Believe me, I want to go down there with you, and be the heroes who stop all the fighting and save the day, but I can't do that. I can't do anything!”

And he follows this line of reasoning to its logical conclusion:

Dark Magic

Dark Magic gives him all the power he needs. If Callum wants to be special (like Viren), if he wants to have agency and freedom for himself, this is the path he can take.

Dark!Callum: “You can have unlimited power, and you can choose what to do with that power.

And in that moment, he’s tempted. Truly, he’s tempted, to commit to this path, set himself free from his past limitations and feelings of worthlessness.

He can become like Viren, and make himself great…but in a moment of clarity, he sees Dark Magic for what it truly is.

This isn’t freedom. It’s not the power he wants.

It’s just another prison.

And unlike Viren, who succumbs to this temptation, Callum sees through it.

What’s noteworthy is that Callum doesn’t press on the point that it’s possible for him to learn an Arcanum and do magic some other. He doesn’t insist he can make this choice easy on himself; he chooses that, Arcanum or no Arcanum, this is not the kind of magic he will choose to do.

Callum: “Destiny is a book you write yourself!”

Instead of attaching his sense of self-worth and agency to magic, he breaks free of this toxic cycle and seizes the ability to direct his own fate.

This is a lesson that he then passes on to others.

Rayla: “What does this mean? What should I do?

Callum:  “I don’t know. But it’s your choice. No one else’s.”

He finds his agency and self-worth independent of his ability to do magic, and realizes that his potential is actually in his complete control. Fittingly, it’s this realization that completes his journey to finally understand the Sky Arcanum.

In the end, Viren and Callum are quite similar, but the former lets his flaws get the better of him, his pride sinking him until he becomes malicious, grasping, and power-hungry. Eyes set on stealing the power to make him important.

The latter ascends past his prior limitations, refusing to yield to his own worst impulses.

Moreover, Callum holds on to his ideals in the face of adversity, even at his own expense, while Viren constantly tries to find “pragmatic” and expedient solutions to problems that always happen to end up with him on top of everyone else. Viren continues his dramatic decline, eagerly crossing one moral horizon after another, until by the end, he admits to Aaravos what he is really after is conquest; he’s willing to steal Zym’s life force just to become more powerful, sacrificing the entirety of his army to do it.

Callum, on the other hand, begins to truly understand what can make a good-natured person into a hero.

He expresses it in a speech about Rayla…

Callum: “It's because Rayla is a hero…Rayla saves people. She's brave. She does what's right, even if it puts her own life in danger, and even when the odds seem impossible. Even when it means her own people might misunderstand and turn against her. Rayla is selfless, strong and caring. That's what makes her a hero. That's what makes her Rayla.”

…and then proceeds to do each and every one of those things on the pinnacle. He bravely leaps after Rayla--even though it put his own life in danger--because it’s the right thing to do. Even though the odds of quickly mastering a complex spell on the way down seemed impossible.

Viren thinks his great feats are a substitute for a good character. Callum’s journey, on the other hand, is learning those character traits that make one heroic. He realizes, not only that Rayla is “selfless, strong, and caring,” but also why and more importantly, why he can be those things too.

And this dynamic between Viren and Callum culminates in the finale, where one falls…

…and the other rises.

[hotchocolatefanfics]

Reboot PoTA Couple Theme Songs and their Meanings

Boy did this take me a while to finish! This is something I’ve been working on almost all of 2019 and I’ve finally finished it (2019 was not nice to me-my classes were, but everything else was a blur of getting sick and going from no anxiety to anxiety attacks happening daily. It was just a mess!)

Like the title says, it’s a theme song list for our favorite Planet of The Apes shippings and couples (I only did a few to save time but if this gets popular enough, I could do another involving any shippings and couples that aren’t present here (such as Will X Caroline or Malcolm x Ellie)).

Each couple have their own five theme songs (because one isn’t enough to tell their full story) and each song represents something unique about the couple dynamic or how the shipping can be interpreted and will include a description underneath (some may be longer than others (the more I know on that shipping/more I have to say, the more I write about them)-I apologize in advance for that!). If there’s any information that is missing or details that I overlooked (or even if you disagree with the description) please feel free to share! 

Please note that you are not obligated to listen to these songs and you are completely and totally free to add a song to these couple lists. Part of the reason why I made this was in hopes that maybe it would spark a conversation amongst us PoTA fans about our favorite PoTA shippings/couple and explore other shippings. 

Also, I didn’t include OC relations here but feel free to add them in your reblogs(you may also re-use songs that are already on these lists if you feel they could describe your OC x Canon shipping)! All love stories are welcomed on this post! (the only rule is there can’t be any underage or huge age difference couples).

My information sources are:

All three Reboot movies, Firestorm, Revelations, The Planet of The Apes Fandom Wikia and also reading a couple of stuff/peaking around on AO3, FanFiction.net, DeviantArt, and Wattpad.

With that said, enjoy the theme songs!

Caesar x Cornelia 

Stand by you - Rachel Platten

Better Together - Jack Johnson 

Say Something (I’m giving up on you) - A Great Big World

Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down 

The Call - Regina Spektor

Description: 

As this is a couples list, it only makes sense to start it with the king and queen themselves!

I think it’s more than safe to say that these two loved each other very much. 

We saw Caesar and Cornelia’s relationship grow from Rise, Firestorm, Dawn, Revelations, to War and during that time, we’ve seen them grow closer (I actually think that, as their relationship progressed, Cornelia made Caesar a better leader-as she pointed things out to Caesar that he either ignored/didn’t realize/know in Firestorm). 

When I personally think about this couple, I think about Caesar: The life he grew up with, the family he left behind when he chose to stay in the forest with the apes, the hardships he had to face in the earlier days/years of freedom and I think about all the stress and the anxiety that he had to have felt during those times. He had to have felt that he had to show strength in the presence of his followers-that would have meant not thinking/talking about Will, Charles or Caroline or letting it be known if he missed them at all. 

Then I think about Cornelia. As his wife, she had to have known everything about Caesar. From his childhood to anything and everything he feared and worried about as king and leader. If there was anyone in the whole colony that Caesar could have shown that side to him, that uncertain, missing his family side to him, it would have been Cornelia, and I would imagine that she understood that he missed his human home. That she listened to his worries and comforted him-possibly reassured him if he needed it.

I didn’t know if it’s talked about very much but, as king and queen they’re very similar in personality: Both being compassionate and kind, but also fiercely protective of both the colony and of their friends and as parents, both are (also) protective and loving towards Blue Eyes and Cornelius (examples being Caesar protecting Blue Eyes from the bear and later protecting both sons from Carver in Dawn and Cornelia keeping Cornelius safe in Revelations). 

This couple is featured in nearly every fanfic out there and every Planet of The Apes role-play that Tumblr has but I feel like we don’t talk about it enough. In War, Caesar was more than devastated by Cornelia’s death (and by the death of Blue Eyes) as he became vengeful, murderous and (pretty much) ready to kill because of it (remember that man with the wood at the oyster farm where they found Nova?). 

If you really want to go there, it says a lot about his and Cornelia’s relationship during the war. That (maybe) the war took such a tool on Caesar (mentally and emotionally) that she became his strength. That (maybe) Caesar was already on the verge of losing it well before the attack on that hill (like having a breakdown or panic attack)-and I wouldn’t be surprised, as he was betrayed by Koba, then by Red and other followers of Koba, and his apes were being attacked, threatened and/or killed by the soldiers.

Maybe Cornelia kept him grounded, reminded him of who he was and what was important and when the Colonel killed her, it broke something in Caesar and when he lost her, he lost part of himself and may have forgotten who he was (only remembering when he realized he couldn’t kill the Colonel). 

Blue Eyes x Lake 

Kiss The Girl - Ashley Tisdale 

Love Story - Taylor Swift 

Colors - Halsey 

It’s all coming back to me now - Meet loaf

When you’re Gone - Avril Lavigne

Description: 

Blue Eyes and Lake clearly loved each other in War. We know they grew up together and played with each other as children though their (romantic) feelings for each other likely came later (around the time of Dawn/Revelations). 

We didn’t get to see much of their relationship (due to Blue Eyes dying and/or being sent away in Revelations) but, considering that Blue Eyes was protective of his friends and family (and openly affectionate towards them in War), I think it can be assumed that he would have been a loving husband to Lake and would have protected her if she were in danger. 

Lake appeared to love children, so it is reasonable to imagine they would have had children together and she would have, more than likely, been a wonderful mother to them. Lake was also brave (as seen when she defended Caesar in War), which makes it likely she could have assisted Blue Eyes as his queen (if he had lived to become king). 

And now, the Fan-Made couples!!! 

Caesar x Koba (aka: ‘Caba’)

Little Do You Know - Alex & Sierra

Hold On - Chord Overstreet

A Moment Like This - Kelly Clarkson 

Breathless - Shayne Ward

Teddy Bear - Melanie Martinez

Description: 

Yes, I absolutely had to start with this one as it’s, if I’m not mistaken, the most common shipping in the fandom (and it’s also my favorite too!).

Caesar and Koba were obviously very close in Dawn (as best friends and honorary brothers) as Koba saved Caesar from that bear in the beginning and Caesar later gifted the pelt to him. This relationship was created when Caesar rescued Koba and other apes from Gen-Sys and continued in Firestorm.

I can’t remember if I got this far into Caesar’s Story, but I wanna say there was a part in the book where it talked about Koba having feelings for/falling in love with Caesar(?)(Please correct me if I’m wrong).

It all came crashing down when the humans showed up and Koba’s hatred of them was reborn and it became clear to him that Caesar still ‘loved’ humans (when Koba said “Caesar loves humans more than apes” he may have actually believed that-it is also possible he may have thought Caesar loved humans more than him). 

It eventually leads to Koba shooting him (which means he, essentially, abandoned his love for Caesar in favor of his hate for humans) and then declaring war on the humans-and later, resulted in Caesar having to kill him. Koba’s betrayal deeply hurt Caesar and so did killing him (let’s not forget that Koba’s ghost haunted him in War). 

What I’ve noticed with this shipping is it’s all about the vulnerable and damaged side of Koba’s personality and about Caesar’s protective and compassionate heart. 

Fanfics of this shipping sometimes follows the story of Dawn (with Pope as the bad guy or with Koba’s betrayal being deeper than just about revenge on the humans) and other times it’s completely different (nodding at the ‘Caesar and The Bonobo’ Beauty and The Beast AU on FanFiction and all other Caba one-shots(all deserve a read!)) but in all fanfics and fan arts of this shipping, there’s always a sense of heartache for the couple (either due to how Koba suffered before Rise or knowing how their relationship ended in Dawn).

Everything about this shipping is tragic and (when well-written out) heartbreaking but at the same time, it can be adorable and beautiful (I’m also tempted to call it irresistible for many fans-seriously, look on AO3, DeviantArt Wattpad, FanFiction.net-literally all of these sites has three or more fanfics/one-shots of this shipping (though I would advise you all to be careful as some of them may be, let’s say, ‘Rated R’)!).

I have not found any role-plays of this shipping on Tumblr (yet!) so I wouldn’t know how the shipping is portrayed in that category (Seriously, are there any role-plays of this? Cause I’d like to know!).

Koba x Stone 

I Still Love You - Josh Jenkins 

Yours to Hold - Skillet 

Grenade - Bruno Mars 

Hero - Enrique Iglesias

Immortal - Evanescence 

Description: 

I’ve, sadly, only seen this shipping on role-play blogs here on Tumblr so much of this is guessed (if anyone reading this has role-played this shipping before or have more experience with it, please correct me if I’m wrong!) 

Stone was one of Koba’s friends and first followers in Dawn (aside from Grey) but his motives for following Koba are never talked about (also in Revelations, it says he’s dead but he’s clearly seen alive in War…Does he have superpowers or did he just disappear and showed up again for War?) 

(Here’s my guess) Stone likely disagreed with Caesar’s role (to some extent but I doubt he was as extreme about it as Koba was) but what if, his main reason for following Koba had more to do with him having secret feelings for the bonobo than anything else? What if Stone saw and knew that Koba was still haunted by his past and comforted him when no one else would? And by the time the humans reappeared in Dawn, Stone developed his own hatred for the species that had hurt his love?

Meanwhile, Koba, who likely doesn’t feel comfortable talking about his past with anyone and felt betrayed and angered when Caesar disregarded his hatred of humans, probably would have resisted Stone’s affection for a long time before he finally let him in and fully accepted the comfort and love from the chimp (it is also possible Koba used that very sympathy to manipulate Stone into doing his bidding but I’m not sure if he would have needed to as, again, Stone would have already hated humans for torturing Koba in the past anyway).

Now about Stone’s death/survival: Let’s say that Stone survived Dawn (as seen in War). If he really did have feelings for Koba, it’s likely he would have felt guilty and somewhat responsible for his love’s death as he had chosen to agree with him that the apes should go to war with humans instead of talking Koba out of it (to be fair I’m not sure if Koba could have been convinced otherwise after the fight with Caesar in the dam but I think Stone would have had a better chance of reasoning with him anyone else).

Now let’s say Stone had actually died and Koba wasn’t defeated by Caesar. I think it’s more than safe to say Koba would be screwed if he was the one to have to go to war with the Colonel in War instead of Caesar (and it may be reasonable to suspect he may eventually realize the gravity of what he did and would regret it all as the war continues) but if this war took Stone early on, and if Stone and Koba were romantically involved, it’s also reasonable to assume Koba would have regretted that most of all-seeing Stone as the last (and by the time of War, the only) to love him and care about him and feeling lost and alone without him.

All in all, this shipping has a love lost and a sort of ‘dam(sel) in distress’ feel to it.

Koba x Cornelia

Sk8ter Boi - Avril Laringe 

When I was Your Man - Bruno Mars

Uptown Girl - Billy Joel

Bad Boy - Cascada 

Dear in The Headlights - Owl City 

Description:

I have the same problem here-total guesswork! 

Based on what little I know of this shipping so far, it reminds me of the ‘outcast falls in love with popular person’ scenario that is sometimes seen in high school movies. But this shipping could seriously work as a love triangle story! 

Koba and Cornelia have little to no interaction in the books (the ones I’ve read so far anyway!) or in the movies but it is known that they see each other as honorary brother and sister (due to Caesar and Koba being honorary brothers). It’s reasonable to assume they had mutual respect for each other and that Cornelia was just as betrayed by Koba’s actions as Caesar was. 

However, it is never revealed what Koba’s plans would have been for Cornelia had Caesar truly died (there is a chance he could have forced her into marrying him but I also think there's a chance she would have rebelled against him and Koba could have decided to kill her (or kill Cornelius as punishment and then kill her? I dunno know)). 

Also, what if Koba had wanted Cornelia as his wife all along and only decided to kill Caesar when he did because the humans ‘conveniently’ showed up (unlikely but maybe)? I think this shipping was born from the idea that Koba always had a secret crush on Cornelia but kept it a secret because she married Caesar and knew he had no chance with her.

Another thought (and this is highly unlikely but still): In the wild, chimps would have multiple mates (Rocket in Rise for example) so there's also a (tiny) chance that Caesar could (in theory) be married to both Cornelia AND Koba-I have never heard of this particular thing happening and I’m not sure if the Caba and/or the Koba x Cornelia shippings are popular enough to warrant that sort of dynamic but it would make an interesting fanfic. 

Koba x Pope 

Issues - Julia Michaels

Battles Scars - Guy Sebastian Ft. Lupe Fiasco

Love the Way you Lie - Eminem Ft. Rhianna

Next To Me - Imagine Dragons

Courage - Superchick

Description:

For those who don’t know, Pope is the main villain from the Dawn comics. He’s very similar to Koba (as they’re both apes that came from labs) but worse as he enslaved primitive apes and saw them as lesser beings-going as far as calling them ‘stupid animals’. 

Anyway, me and a friend made this one up a while back in our discussions and, from what I remember, we had two or three(?) different scenarios for this shipping. 

One being that since they were both abused and tortured by humans, they may find comfort in each other (finding it easy to show vulnerability to someone who’s equally damaged) and fall in love from their shared experiences. 

In the comic, Pope’s past is only hinted by Koba when he says: “He was like me…A lab ape. Bad Things, maybe worse.” and then his past is never mentioned of again however, Pope does say: “Never show weakness.” after the killing of a human later in the comic. Based on that, it’s reasonable to suspect that Pope may harbor a similar hatred to humans as Koba does and may suffer from demons of his own but keeps it well hidden from other apes.

Two being more about their personalities: Both Koba and Pope are capable of hurting people (as seen when Koba killed Ash and shot Caesar and Maurice in Dawn and when Pope killed the alpha, killed Fifer and Cora and enslaved all the primitive apes in the comic) and both are described by the PoTA Fandom Wiki as ‘cruel and tyrannical’ (with Koba being described as ‘belittling’, ‘unstable’ and ‘manipulative’ and Pope as ‘immoral’, ‘arrogant’ and ‘egomaniacal’). 

Considering these traits, it wouldn’t be too hard to imagine one of them to perceive the other’s vulnerability as ‘weakness’ and actually abuse the other (like Pope abusing Koba or Koba abusing Pope). Based on their personalities, it’s possible the kind of abuse they’d inflict on each other would likely be physical, emotional, or mental abuse (or all three).

Third (and this is more of continuation of the second one!), even if Koba and Pope weren’t abusing each other, their relationship would likely be argumentative, unhealthy, troubling, rough and just very dysfunctional. 

These are two very damaged apes with traumas that were not properly dealt with or given help for and full of pent up rage and hate towards humans (plus Pope hated Caesar and disrespected his rule). If they were to be a couple, their own traumas and hatred would feed off of each other and may, inadvertently, make it worse (this would likely not be a problem if Pope and Koba were with other people as a person who doesn’t have the same experiences or resentment as them would likely help ‘heal’ them). Maybe their relationship could work but they may need therapy (psychotherapy and/or couple therapy) before it gets there.

Red x Winter 

Sorry - Halsey 

Please Don’t Leave Me - P!nk

Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows

Secrets - OneRepublic

You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift

Description:

Eeeeeek! This one is my second favorite! I can’t wait to share this dynamic! :D 

Both gorillas are first seen in Revelations. Red being manipulative, defiant, aggressive and violent (as shown when he manipulated Grey, lead the soldiers to the building where the colony was hiding in, tried to kill Cornelia (twice and one being while she was trying to help another female ape give birth!) and also when he slapped Cedar) and Winter being fearful and timid (as seen when he faced the wall after the building next to the colony’s hiding place was blown up and when he failed to kill Cornelia (which Red manipulated him into trying to do anyway)). Both are seen again in War, where Winter proves himself as a coward and Red a traitor. 

Needless to say, both of these gorillas have very different personality types. The interactions they had both in Revelations and in War weren’t enough to say they were friends (let alone romantically involved) however, Red clearly knew Winter was easy to control. Why else would he consistently manipulate him? And Winter appeared to be afraid of Red. This could be because Red was more aggressive than him and Winter feared confrontation. 

However, there’s a lot about the two gorillas that were never revealed (backstory wise. I actually do have a backstory theory for Red but that’s a post for another day). For example, Red was shown to have a lot of anger built up in him and while it is believed to be due to Caesar killing Koba, it feels much deeper than that. 

Koba was only leader for a day and or two (or less, my math isn’t great) and Red was willing to kill Cornelia, manipulate and endanger other apes and betray the colony over that? No, this anger didn’t develop overnight. It had to have been there BEFORE Dawn (and it somehow has something to do with Caesar)!

Then there’s Winter. We know his father died before he was born but we don’t know how or what his relationship was/the whereabouts of his mother (this does open the door for speculation of whether or not the circumstances of his father’s death and the relationship he had with his mother could have anything to do with Winter’s fearfulness).

Finally, their relationship: What if Red’s anger and hate was all a mask? What if, deep down inside, he was actually a very hurt, troubled and damaged person and only knew how to show it through anger? And what if Winter’s greatest flaw was actually his strength? Winter was more open about his feelings in both Revelation and in War (whether it be fear, shock, or worry) while Red was very closed off. 

What if that difference was what originally attracted Winter to Red? What if Winter, despite being intimidated by Red, viewed him as mysterious and was drawn to him by that. Meanwhile, what if Red was secretly jealous of Winter being so open about his vulnerabilities-even if he knew others would look down on him for it.

With all that said (sorry it was that long!), Red and Winter’s relationship would be built on shared (either expressed or hidden) vulnerabilities and traumatic experiences. Both have flaws and neither of them are weak. They just depend on each other for strength and (in one-shots where they survive War) for belonging as they have no one else.

Blue Eyes x Ash 

Bad Day - Daniel Powter

Dark Paradise - Lana Del Ray 

Perfect - P!nk

Complicated - Avril Lavigne 

Count on Me - Bruno Mars

Description:

This is another shipping I’ve only seen briefly-I’m not sure if there are any role-plays of it on Tumblr (but then again I never really looked either!) but there is a fanfic or two out there of this pairing (again, if I miss something a detail regarding this shipping, please let me know!).

Ash is first seen in Dawn when he and Blue Eyes are fishing together. Right away, it’s pretty clear these two are close friends and likely grew up together (which would make sense as their fathers are so close). Based on the interactions between him and Blue Eyes in that scene and the council meeting scene, Ash can be described as humorous (such as when he poked at Blue Eyes) and confident in himself (like when he was teasing Blue Eyes over the bear incident) and Blue Eyes, is protective of him as he (presumably) protected him from Carver before Rocket and the other apes intervened. 

Blue Eyes is left devastated and deeply hurt after Ash’s death and, throughout Revelations, thinks about him constantly and later having a dream about him. 

Since I don’t know that much about this pairing, this is where the guesswork comes in: As these two grew up together, it’s more than likely they also knew each other on a deeper level than their parents did-for example, Blue Eyes could have told Ash all his secrets, whatever worries or fears he had, maybe ranted to him about his anger and frustrations with his father or about being prince. 

I don’t know if Ash had any issues with his parents (as he and Rocket appeared to be very close as father and son-and we don’t really see Ash interacting with Tinker) but if he ever had a bad day, he’d likely talk to Blue Eyes about it just like Blue Eyes would. 

This relationship would be founded on childhood friendship, turned best friends, into lovers. Likely turning into a ‘you’re the only person I trust with my secrets’ kind of relationship while also being a very supportive and protective kind of relationship too.

McCullough x Caesar

I Hate Everything - Three Days Grace 

Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne 

Hold Me Down - Halsey 

You Don’t Own Me - Grace Ft. G-Eazy

Hellfire - The Hunchback of Notre Dam

Description:

I dabbled on this one in my Whumptober one-shots but if anyone’s interested in more of this shipping, there’s a few on AO3 (it’s easily the black sheep of this list but I think it deserves a place here for clarification as to what this shipping could be versus what it sounds like). It’s a weird pairing but it’s worth checking out! 

I think we all know Colonel McCullough as the most evil human in the reboot movies (as he is willing to kill apes and any human who is infected with the virus-his own son for example) and seeing how he treated Caesar in War (chaining him up, forcing him and the ape colony to work, having him whipped and tied to a cross with no food or water for days, killing Cornelia and Blue Eyes) it’s easy to see why this shipping would raise eyebrows but it all depends on how one looks at it. 

For example, I see the shipping as a possible twist on War: As the war between the apes and AO soldiers unfold, McCullough’s desire to capture and/or kill Caesar turns into something else. He becomes obsessed with the Ape King and decides the best way to defeat him and get rid of the apes would be to destroy Caesar’s life. So he deliberately kills Cornelia and Blue Eyes knowing it will provoke Caesar to go after him and later in the base when McCullough has Red and Preacher bring Caesar to his office, he blackmails Caesar into marrying him (saying that he’ll let the colony live if he agrees).

As a result of it, Caesar becomes McCullough’s “chimp-wife” and is a prisoner in this forced marriage, the ape colony thinks he’s abandoned and/or betrayed them, the AO soldiers and the Donkeys are confused by the whole thing and Red and Preacher (who witnessed the Colonel’s blackmailing marriage proposal to Caesar) are thinking “WTF is happening here?”.

Another way one could see this shipping would be as something funny. Yes, it’s dysfunctional but that could be the point! If one wanted to make a fanfic of this shipping, they could use the dysfunctional aspects of the relationship and make it funny. Think Marge and Homer Simpson for example.

For those who have an issue with this shipping, I 100% agree this relationship would be doomed from the start (if we decide to take it seriously). If McCullough and Caesar were to be married, I can picture the Colonel being abusive and predigest towards Caesar and his species, blaming him for all things wrong in the world (such as the virus, the fall of the human race), likely never showing any love or affection towards Caesar, and poor Caesar would become depressed and miserable from this awful marriage. 

Bon x Pope (from the Dawn comics!)

Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis 

Follow Him - Peggy March 

I would Do Anything For You - Foster The People 

Just The Girl - Click Five

All You Wanted - Michelle Branch

Description:

To be honest, I’m not sure if Bon was really this close to Pope as he only appeared once or twice in the Dawn comics BUT! he was one of his loyal followers and while it is possible he only disagreed with Caesar’s rule, there’s another chance that he may have had feelings for Pope (much like my description of the Stone x Koba shipping).

For those who didn’t read the comics, let me sum up the interactions between these two: Bon was one of Pope’s followers and is seen returning back to the zoo after (unsuccessfully) searching for an ape named Fifer who escaped them and informs Pope that there are humans nearby. Bon also took part in the battle between Pope and Koba and was later banished along with Pope’s followers while the primitive apes followed Koba back to the Ape Village. 

As this shipping, almost no leg to stand on (and is more made up than the others on this list) allow me to explain it here: Much like Grey and Stone towards Koba, Bon (and a gorilla named Rex) followed Pope-presumably because they also disliked Caesar and/or his rule. As Pope didn’t actually plan on killing Caesar until later in the comics and didn’t realize there were primitive apes, in the beginning, I don’t think there was any manipulation going on from him.

Now let’s look at Pope for a second: Pope was an ape who looked down upon anyone who showed weakness or was primitive and had no problem with enslaving, torturing, endangering or murdering other apes. Like I said in my description for the Koba x Pope shipping, Pope was also a lab ape (with fishnet scars on the left side of his face, shoulder and chest giving us a hint as to what he was put through-though it’s never actually discussed) so it is reasonable to imagine he may have his own demons and traumas, much like Koba does (unsurprisingly, Pope also hates humans). 

The thing about Pope that I’m curious about is if he is traumatized from what had been done to him at the hands of humans, does he show it? He likely doesn’t as he appears to dislike seeing it and other apes showing weakness but that would mean that, much like Koba, he’s holding things back, probably much more than Koba was (as Koba is seen in Dawn talking (briefly) about what he went through with humans to Caesar). 

Now looking at Pope and Bon, it makes me wonder if Bon could have picked up on that. Like what if Bon saw the pain that Pope was covering up and reached out to him? 

That, and it is also possible Bon was into the ‘bad boy’ type.

Phew, glad that’s over! XD

[darthstitch]

Castlevania Netflix Season 2 Review: All My Bloody Tears

Yeah. Uh. SPOILERS. MASSIVE GINORMOUS SPOILERS. Consider yourself warned.

I'm kind of a complete mess as I write this because PAIN! PAIN AND SUFFERING! TEARS! BLOODY TEARS!

While it's not without its flaws, the second season of Netflix's Castlevania is incredible and lives up to the promise of Season 1. This, gentlebeings, is how you set up a sequel and leave the audience wanting more, but still walking away satisfied with what we've currently got.

The Good Stuff

The thing about Castlevania - as the game series by Konami - is that it's pretty much a patchwork quilt of everything goes. Think your favorite fan fiction peeve on AO3, the ones with the ten million tags before you even get to the goddamn story. So on one hand, it's got its clear inspiration from the classic Hammer and Universal Horror renditions of Dracula. But the game series is Japanese, so you have your beautiful anime-esque artwork by Ayami Kojima and the obvious anime influences.

I've played a few of the games, but I'm not going to claim gamer-god status. I just play for the fun of it and I don't hesitate to use walk throughs as a map of sorts, basically figuring out where to go, because the general castle layout is set up like a labyrinth and it is INSANE and FUN at the same time. So far, I've played and finished Symphony of the Night and two of the GBA ones: Harmony of Dissonance and Aria of Sorrow. I'm still trying to master the ones on the NDS. But basically, the premise is the same: You're the hero/heroine, you need to enter the big spooky castle, gather weapons and/or spells to make you stronger and add to your abilities, take down monsters and Major Bads - including Death Himself - and hopefully prevent Dracula from resurrecting and covering the world in Eternal Night. The main timeline basically has Belmonts, assorted Not-Belmonts who also hunt vampires and of course, pretty, pretty Alucard.

Then, there was your AU timeline in which Gabriel Belmont goes to defeat a Big Bad and becomes DRACULA ... and Trevor Belmont is his son, a.k.a. Alucard. Yeah, wrap your head around THAT one.

In short, Castlevania canon is fucked. To quote our Trevor, "Snake-fuckingly insane."

So Warren Ellis does the smart thing and basically picks up what works from the "canon" and crafts a damn good story out of it.

The Disaster Trio that is Alucard, Trevor and Sypha, end up bonding even closer together and spend much of this series in the Belmont Basement...er.... I mean, "Hold," trying to do the game equivalent of gathering spells and weapons to storm the castle with. We learn a few more interesting things about the Disaster Trio. Trevor actually ended up losing his family at a way too young age. Sypha and her people have some pretty "interesting" views about God. Alucard has artistic talents and basically acts his real age, which is a traumatized snarky 20 something year old, who's barely holding on to his composure with his shiny fangs and claws. There are epic moments such as "Treffy" and I would absolutely LOVE to hear the Belmont family story that explains how the hell a book of "penis spells" ended up in the Belmont Family Library.

Seriously. Fan fiction writers, don't fail me now!

Also, Lisa gets a few more minutes to shine and break our hearts at the same time. This is the woman who managed to charm and get one Seriously Scary King of Vampires wrapped around her tiniest finger. She's snarky and sassy as before, but so real, so kind and just basically trying to be a decent person in a Crapsack World. She loves her husband but she knows he can be monstrous. She loves her son but as Alucard himself puts it, she wants him to be able to be himself, be happy and not be overshadowed by his father. Seriously, as long as each season gives us something more about Lisa, I'm gonna be content.

We also get introduced to a few more new characters, who basically make up Dracula's Court of Evil. Hector and Isaac are humans but sociopathic enough to despise their own kind and willing to take part in their death and destruction. They both have their requisite tragic and abused pasts. Hector, however, has an element of naivete that makes him an easy target for the machinations of Carmilla, the only general in Dracula's court who's figured out which way the blood's flowing and wants to make sure she comes out on top. Isaac, however, is somewhat the mirror of Alucard himself. This is the guy who gives his unconditional love and loyalty to Dracula and refuses to abandon him no matter the personal cost to himself or his remnants of a conscience or whatever he has that passes for a moral compass. I figure that it's there, it's just not one that I would recognize. Isaac is a scary, scary mofo and it looks like he and Hector are gonna be back for season 3.

In fact, if Isaac ends up becoming "Death" in this entire series, I'm gonna be evilly delighted.

And then, there's Godbrand, who is basically the vampire equivalent of YOLO. Basically, all he wants is to fight, fuck, drink blood and make boats out of things he shouldn't make boats out of. Generally, he just wants to have a good time, rule the world like a king and make sure the humans know their place.

So okay, let's give Carmilla her due. Evil? Check. Manipulative? Check. Sadistic, vicious and cruel? 10 across the board. In the absence of a Certain Fanged Someone taking a more active role in what should be "The War on Humankind," Carmilla wants to make sure she's keeping things moving, spinning her webs of intrigue and plans upon plans, thinking she's going to come out the winner and make herself the new Queen of the Damned.

Here's the problem. Dracula figures that out, easily enough.

Here's the OTHER problem. His Fanged Nibs is all out of fucks to give. He's done. Finito. Finished with everything.

Yeah, about that.

While the humor of this series is a gift that keeps on giving, the drama and the feels will DESTROY you.

You know that moment when you realize Dracula isn't just waging a war on humanity, he's waging a war to destroy all vampires too? Because in that moment when he lost his beloved Lisa, he hated not only humans, but he also hated HIMSELF. He hates the fact that his life of evil, wanton death and destruction, wrought this price on the person that he loved. And she damn well didn't deserve that treatment. He hates the humans who killed her but he also hates his own kind, who are just as monstrous as he is.

So when Godbrand basically asks him, "If we're killing all the humans, what are we going to EAT?" Dracula basically tries to fob him off with some excuse or the other. Yeah, His Fanged Nibs is a LYING LIAR WHO LIES. Also, this lying liar who lies is actually spending most of his time sitting, brooding and being HUNGRY. Because he's not drinking blood. At all. Any blood drinking we see from His Fanged Nibs is in flashbacks.

Let that sink in for a second.

Aluard accuses his father of basically doing history's longest suicide. Yeah. It is - Dracula wants to take EVERYBODY down with him.

The fight scenes are worth the wait. I was screaming when the classic "Bloody Tears" started playing in Episode 7, an episode that I'm gonna watch like ten thousand times more, because OH GOD THE EPICNESS OF IT. The sheer badassery. The fact that Alucard is actually the secret identity of Moon Moon.

And then, the final fight between Dracula and our Disaster Trio is just as epic as expected. Even when he hasn't drunk blood, the trio is outmatched and outclassed and this is where you remember that if Dracula had only roused himself long enough to give a flying fuck about something, Carmilla's head would have been rolling on the floor a long time ago.

But then: "My boy.... I'm killing my boy. This is your room. Your mother and I painted these walls, made these toys. Lisa.... it's our boy. Your greatest gift to me. And I'm killing him. I must already be dead."

GDI WARREN ELLIS HOW VERY FUCKING DARE YOU.

The only way they take down Dracula is because he basically wants to die. So he lets his son kill him and end his misery. And when his rotting, decaying, corpse seems to be reaching out to his son for some kind of last embrace, Trevor, thinking that Alucard's going to be hurt, takes Dracula's head off. Sypha burns off the remains.

And it's done.

Castlevania is a game with numerous endings, all depending on how you played the game and whether you got this artifact or what not. The series pays homage to it because Trevor bequeaths the Belmont Hold to Alucard and asks him to be the last defender of it and his father's Castle. It's not going to be Alucard's grave, but his home now. Trevor and Sypha wander off into the sunset, for more adventures and mischief and Alucard lovingly sends off his BFFs with a fond "Fuck you."

We check in with the villains who survive and of course, we know there's gonna be sequels, because, hey, that's kind of the point of each and every Castlevania game. There's always gonna be a new Big Bad coming around. And trust me, Dracula's gonna be back. He's not just going to lie quiet in his grave.

And just when you think you can end this series with a satisfied sigh, our very last moments are spent with Alucard. Who is haunted by the ghosts of the parents he loved so much. Who gets to relive one happy memory with his mom, who loves him with all her heart. And she's so proud.

And Alucard finally breaks down into heartbreaking sobs.

We grieve with him.

The Bad Stuff

Yeah, okay, so I need to get this explained. Why bother to have all these interesting character designs for Dracula's other generals AND NOT HAVE THEM TALK? I'm serious. Not one of these fascinating-looking vampire bastards HAVE ANY GODDAMN LINES. Netflix, FFS, DON'T WUSS OUT ON YOUR CHARACTER ACTORS. YOU CAN'T BE THAT POOR. GIVE THEM VOICES. PAY YOUR CHARACTER VOICE ACTORS. OMG.

They basically just get killed off in the end, but while we know they were pretty scary and formidable, we don't really know anything about them other than: Vampire, Scary, Dracula's General. They were just pretty much Red Shirts, because the heroes never did get to confront Carmilla, Hector and Isaac directly.

There was evidently so much story to be told here, like they seem to have come from all over the world, even as far off as China AND THEY'RE. NOT. TALKING. The only ones with any dialogue are Carmilla, Hector, Isaac and Godbrand and none of these guys even get to share screentime with the Disaster Trio. Godbrand doesn't even make it to the final battle.

I mean, if these guys were just going to be cannon fodder, then let's just use any of the voiceless Major Bads from the games. Put some requisite scary music and sound effects and let the Disaster Trio take care of them. Let them speak in mysterious archaic languages or whatever, since we're not going to care about them anyway.

The Conclusion

Apparently, this is gonna be a pattern for this series. It's going to be good, it's going to be GREAT but there's always going to be that ONE THING that would drive us batshit crazy. But not enough to wreck my enjoyment of it.

The best parts of this series is the faithfulness to character, the layers upon layers of motivations and feels you're going to uncover as you rewatch it, the fact that it's not afraid to put tongue in cheek and leave canon at the door, while still being true to the source material.

So. "What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets. But enough talk! Have at you!"

[donheisenberg]

Top 20 TV Shows of 2017:

So this is the bit where I talk about how difficult it is to write a top 20 list because of peak TV, yada, yada, yada. If you are into TV criticism you have read it all before several over the last few years, the thing is while it might feel like a cliche it is totally true and with every year it become more true. Trying to watch everything out there is impossible and trying to then narrow down what you have watched to a list of 20 is almost as difficult. Every show on this list had an outstanding year as shown by some of the shows I left off of the list. In any other year the likes of Curb Your Enthusiasm and The Americans would be givens even if they just had middling seasons but not this year. It was truly a great year for TV and here are my top 20 shows of 2017.

Shows I Did Not Get Around to Watching/Completing That May Have Made My List: The Deuce The Handmaid’s Tail (to watch) Legion (to watch) Better Things Search Party Difficult People

Honorable Mention: Rick and Morty (season 3): Shout out to Review as well, which was excellent but just had to few episodes for me to really count it. In terms of Rick and Morty it was often in the news (or at least the twitter news) for the wrong reasons this year as a group of its fans decided to act like complete dickheads for a period of time. All of which deflected from the fact it had its best season ever. I’ve always had issues with the show and basically how pro-Rick and his asshole behavior Harmon and co seem to be and this year didn’t necessarily dissuade me of that but on a week to week basis it was crafting, ambitious and well thought out stories, at a rate the show had never before.

No 20: Fargo (season 3): As many observed this was not Fargo’s finest year and it maybe took a while to get going. It is also the case that 3 seasons in it is tougher for a show as idiosyncratic as this one to surprise us. When a seemingly major character dies in episode 1 it is less of a shock than it should be because that is what happened in season 1. Yet at the same time I so enjoyed this season and the performances by the likes of Carrie Coon (more on her later), Ewan MacGregor and David Thewlis and you still had episodes as excellent as The Law of Non-Contradiction.

No 19) Veep (season 6): Similar to Fargo this was a just slightly below average year for Veep, but even then the quality of the ensemble is so far above any other comedy out there and the quality of the writing/jokes/insults is again just of the highest order. There are few shows I enjoy more than Veep.

No 18) Master of None (Season 2): In my review I did write about how aspects of MON did frustrate me. For it’s social awareness, it is a show that wants me to desperately feel sorry for the man with seemingly the nicest/most privileged life in the world. The extent to which the show is essentially lifestyle porn at times can be a problem and the extent to which the show never questions Dev’s actions can also be a little off-putting. Yet having said that the good outweighs the bad and then some. The show crafts so many beautiful fully realized episodes and months after watching it is episodes like Thanksgiving that stick with me, more than the show’s flaws.

No 17) The Young Pope (Season 1): I’m not sure I get The Young Pope. I love it but I’m not sure I get it. Even in this age of weird TV there is something truly odd about this show. So difficult to write about because it does not conform to any conventions or labels and that’s why it makes this list. Having said all of this I’m not quite sure the show ever hit the heights of its pilot (even if it remained excellent throughout) and that’s why it is not a little bit higher.

No 16) Brockmire (Season 1): Brockmire is exactly the sort of gem that can get lost in this golden age, but for those few of us who did see it we know that it was one of the most raucous, hilarious and endearing comedies out there. I don’t know or care about baseball at all but I do love Brockmire and can’t wait til it comes back.

No 15) Brooklyn Nine Nine (season 4/5): Just as Brockmire can get lost in a sea of amazing shows, B99 is the sort of show that you can take for granted so easily but 5 seasons in and it is still full of heart and brilliant gags. More than that though this year on a couple of occasions we saw the show break-out of its comfort zone with episodes about Terry being racially profiled and more recently Rosa coming out to her less than progressive parents. Those episodes showcased a different side of the show and demonstrated how B99 is not just a great sitcom but an important one. Nine Nine!

No 14) Preacher (Season 2): Parts of season 2 of Preacher were as good as anything on TV. The opening scenes of the first two episodes, as well as standout episode Sokosha plus a whole host of other moments, showed how Preacher could execute some of the most ambitious TV out there to near perfection. It was not all perfect and the season might have benefited from being 10 episode long rather than 12 but nonetheless I love this show and it seems to only go in one direction. Bring on season 3.

No 13) GLOW (Season 1): GLOW was sort of the perfect summer show. It was funny and likable and so binge-able. Netflix makes a lot of deeply serialized shows, designed to be consumed in one sitting so as you find out what happens next. Glow was not that. What GLOW was, was a show that quickly established an ensemble of distinct and interesting characters who you wanted to spend time with and for that it was a standout show.

No 12) Better Call Saul (Season 3): It pains me to put BCS at number 12, in any other year this could be a contender for my number 1 spot but here it does quite make the top ten. Part of the reason why it is a little lower than you might have excepted is that at this stage I don’t have to tell anyone how good this show is. Into it’s third season and BCS was possibly better than ever. Certainly episodes like the chilling Lantern and in particular Chicanery mark series high points and some of the finest TV I’ve seen all year.

No 11) American Vandal (Season 1): American Vandal is a curious show. It is ostensibly a parody, yet by the time you finish it you look back and think that was funny but not funny enough to be making this list necessarily. What it was though was the most engrossing show of the year. And it all centred on the question “who drew the dicks?” Yet for the silliness of the premise I could not have been more intrigued. AV found new ground for the most tired of sub-genres, the mockumentary and in the process delivered an absurd but in many ways tragic story of a stupid but well meaning kid in high school whose life goes array for reasons that have little to do with him. Defining the pleasures of the show may not be straight, but boy was it insanely watchable-the Netflix model at its best.

No 10 )Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (Season 3): Similar to B99, UKS is the sort of consistent joke machine that you can take for granted, and that many have, but for me this year there were few shows enjoyed nearly as much as it. I thought the show delivered its best season. The work of Ellie Kemper and in particular Titus Burgess can match any comedic performers on TV. Again though amidst all the laughs is a very human character study piece of an abuse victim and maybe where the show’s genius thoroughly lies  is in the way the show balances these two sides of itself.

No 9) Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (Seasons 2/3): Rachel Bloom’s musical comedy/drama goes from strength to strength. Like many shows of this list it perfectly balances cartoonish sensibilities with discussions on mental health and never more so than in the first half of season 3. In addition to that though are the musical numbers. At times I’m just in awe of how spot on and clever their parodies, my favorite this year being “Let’s Generalize About Men” and for that it had to make my top ten.

No 8) Bojack Horseman (Season 4): In its 2nd and particularly 3rd seasons Bojack became a show that delivered some of the most outstanding individual episodes of television, possibly ever. Escape From LA, Fish Under Water and That’s Too Much Man are just incomparable half hours of TV. Season 4 did not deliver a single episode of quite that standard. What season 4 did do though is deliver quite possibly the show’s most consistent, revealing and hopefully season. Something we all needed at the end of the show’s previous season.

No 7) Catastrophe (Season 3): Okay it was only 6 episodes along, but I ask this question every year, is there a better written show on TV? There might be snappier dialogue out there, there might be more profound existential musings on some other show, but there is no show with more wonderfully naturalistic dialogue on now or possibly ever. Also there is not really a couple of TV I root for quite as much as Sharon and Rob and I really just want to watch the two of them on screen together as much as possible.Plus the final episode of season 3 was just the perfect send-off for Carrie Fisher and for that alone it deserves it place on my list.

No 6) Jane The Virgin (Season 3/4): Now four seasons in Jane the Virgin still has the power to surprise and hit me emotionally as much as just about any show on this list. I would go as far as to stay no episode of television this year hit me as hard as (spoilers) Michael’s death which was absolutely devestating. But when it comes to Jane the Virgin it is not just the big gut-punches that count, it is the smaller moments as well. The other scene that sticks with me most from its episodes this year is when Rogelio (often the show’s most comic presence) opens up to Xo about how he hasn’t been able to grieve properly for Michael, who was his best friend, because he knew he had to be strong for Jane while she was grieving. It is a comparatively small moment but every bit as resonant. I can take or leave all the intrigue concerning the Marbella but week after week the show delivers moments that really effect me, which even in this golden age can’t be said of too many show.

No 5) Twin Peaks (Season 3): It seems to me that Twin Peaks has either been number 1 or completely absent from every critics list. And I can understand both positions. Twin Peaks was fascinating in a way that television and art more generally rarely is. It was also incredibly and deliberately frustrating at times. I’m almost reluctant to point out how obviously frustrating parts of the revival were because I feel like I might be missing something. On the other hand because its Lynch and because he is a widely and rightly acknowledge genius I think some critics have been too forgiving of some pretty blatant narrative issues, that on another show they would have lambasted. Ultimately though it was the TV event of the year and nothing quite engaged me on a week to week basis like it did. More than anything though there were certain moments, particularly toward the end of the season, that were greater than anything else on TV this year. Moments I completely lost myself in, in ways that are quite difficult to explain and for that I won’t be forgetting the revival for a very long time.

No 4) Mr Robot (Season 3): If season 1 was clinically perfect, in a way no show since Breaking Bad has been, season 2 was an over-ambitious, definitely fascinating, mess. I was a bit of an apologist for the largely disliked second season-but even I was somewhat disappointed after the heights of season 1. Season 3 not only got the show back on track but it found a balance in the ensemble that neither season 1 (which was almost all Elliot) or season 2 (which felt like very little Elliot) had. It also starting making sense again and the show successfully battled the urge to be overly opaque or to have unnecessary twists. All of which meant that we got some of the show’s finest hours yet specifically the thrilling fifth and sixth episodes as well as the surprising and heart-warming eight hour, not to mention the finale which had a bit of everything. And for all its pessimism few shows made me happier this year, because I was so delighted to see this great show prove all the doubters wrong.

No 3) The Good Place (season 1/2): Michael Schur has secured himself a place in TV history with The Office, B99 and in particular Parks and Rec, already but with The Good Place he has gone one further. We all knew he could craft wonderfully funny and likable sitcoms, but here he has delivered a show as twisty and as engaged in huge philosophical issues as any prestige serialized drama. The Good Place is not necessarily a sad-com like many of the show’s on this list but it is possibly the most plot driven network sitcom ever. The thing is the plot has real stakes and is completely unpredictable as well. The huge twist at the end of season 1 showed that even in the age of Reddit you could pull out the rug from underneath your audience and I did not think that was possible. I don’t know how much longer they can continue it but as of now The Good Place is just about a perfect piece of television. 

No 2) Halt and Catch Fire (Season 4): Without spoiling what is number 1 on my list, when it aired I thought nothing would come near it but Halt and Catch Fire came very very close. Back in its much derided first season Halt was a jukebox spitting one antihero cliche after another. In some ways it never strayed too far from the conventions of the antihero drama but what made it different was that at a certain point it just wasn’t about antiheroes. Sure all the characters were deeply flawed, none more so than Joe, but their constant strive for something more, for some kind of connection felt so human you could not help but love them. The final four episodes were TV drama at its best and when it ended I really struggled with the notion that I would not be spending more time with these characters, but if anything made it okay it was how well they stuck the landing. Speaking of which..

No 1) The Leftovers (Season 3): No show has ever made quite the impact in such a short space of time. The Leftovers conclude its mere 28 episode run this year, just 28 episodes yet about half of them are nothing short of masterpieces. That includes just about every episode in this final run. It’s tough in just a paragraph to breakdown what made The Leftovers such a transcendent piece of television-so to be glib I’ll say it took the ambition and phantasmagoria of Twin Peaks and combined it with the heart and focus on character of Halt and Catch Fire. LOST-one of my absolute favorite shows of all time-will define Lindelof’s career but The Leftovers is ultimately a more complete and mature piece of work. The writing, performances and direction coalesced to give us something often hilarious and surprising and always deeply powerful. There may never be a show like The Leftovers again and for those reasons it was always going to be my number 1. 

[jonesgirl88]

I'm responding to all parts here because I'm not going down the rabbit hole on 3 separate posts. That's too much.

PART 1

First, I didn't realize there were SO. MANY. TIMES this happens. Part of me wonders if it's good blocking? Eric is taller and we read left to right so it's easier to have him be on the left side of the screen while Kristin is on the right? But there are also plenty of times it doesn't make sense for the left/right dynamic and it does TOTALLY look purposeful.

Out of the gate: their first dance. It's really interesting how closed off Oliver is. Shane is fully facing him and leaning into him while he's squaring off with the glass in front of him. He's emotionally closed off and he's so stiff; nothing is getting past his walls.

(this is where I quibble with canon. Holly bought Oliver dancing lessons and Oliver believes his reluctance to learn to dance is a reason Holly left him. BUT HE CAN DANCE?? It's not an official dance but he's not awkwardly swaying to the beat and he's not Rita. I would say he's an above average dancer and knows how to lead. We can get to this later...)

Jump to the DLO dance: there is a war going on in Oliver's head and the fact Eric can act that so we can see it? Brilliant. Chef's kiss. He's so torn and you can feel it and your heart breaks for both of them. He's holding her hand to his heart but Shane is also physically on his right side. Her chin is nearly resting on his right shoulder and he's pulled her close to his right side. What say you?

(I never noticed that hand thing before and now I can't stop watching it. It does things to me Jess... why'd you have to go and point it out?? UGH. Lip stares = life)

I know A&D pointed out the similarity between the lint removal of Shane and Oliver and Ellie and Bobby but did you notice Shane was reaching for Oliver's left shoulder while Ellie was reaching for Bobby's right? Given your analysis, I wonder if we can extend the left/right dynamic further and cover other characters. Is there a similar theme with Norman and Rita?

This may be me but given the drama that happened with the lessons and the resolution at the wedding, it makes sense we don't see them dance until after Holly leaves. Holly needed to be resolved before they danced again with a clean conscious. Maybe that's just me.

THE DARK OF NIGHT SCENE. I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS. It'll hurt your head if you stop and think about it but Shane knows that Oliver knows she has...feelings for him. BUT Oliver doesn't know that Shane knows that he knows that she has feelings for him. Shane is also clueless as to Oliver's "knowledge status" of her knowing what he knows. Got that? Now watch that scene. This award (which doesn't really exist and that makes me sad) means the world to Oliver and ALL the Postables know it: watch Rita during this scene and even she is looking over at him. But Shane...golden ray of human sunshine Shane brings him out of his head and back to reality; she brings him back to the moment to enjoy the here and now.

We never really move past middle school, we just get semi-better at hiding our intentions. This looks like a casual interaction between friends because it is! They are friends. But there's also something brewing beneath the surface neither party will admit to or acknowledge unless forced. They're standing in a line (because they're being given awards) but he's turning towards her and she's turning towards him. I just...I can't with these two. Moving on.

Kristin once described The Treasure Box as a daring episode because when you think about it, it's two people reading letters back and forth. Some magic happens in post production but if the story weren't engaging, if the actors didn't sell it, if everything weren't aligned the story would be the worst in the series and it would fall flat. Kristin and Eric seriously deserve awards for their performances in this movie.

I wonder if him moving to the left around the desk was a purposeful thing? If it was shorter to go right, why go left? Was there direction behind that? It could be as simple as "the blocking called for it" but it's interesting to think about.

A few random thoughts about this movie: 1) Shane is shown to be freaking out when closed in the vault. Her fear seems to trigger at odd times? She's fine when she learned there's 13 hours of air; she's fine when she learns there's actually less than 5 hours of air; she's fine when she's bored and wants to play a game; but Katherine might be dead so she freaks out? I get it, she believes their fate to be tied together but then why wasn't she more fearful before they started reading the letters? It just doesn't make a lot of sense.

2) OLIVER'S LETTER TO HOLLY. Let's do this. He believes he's trapped in a bank vault and might die. That is not the letter of a man about to die, that is the letter of a man who's had a revelation. I know it's part of the story but he literally just wrote he's willing to give things with Holly another chance but then spends his time thinking of Shane when reading the letters. I get it's supposed to be "out of sight, out of mind" but come on. Have a few flash backs with Holly to show confliction because later, in FPWL, his words fall flat and it's almost like he lied to Holly because he couldn't face the truth. Maybe that's the whole point. I don't know. I'm starting to fall asleep while typing this.

3) He puts that letter deep in his jacket pocket, how did it fall out?? Does he turn his jacket upside down at some point or something? It makes little sense for that letter to fall out the way it does.

4) The Hug(TM). This very much reminded me of a parent comforting a child and is part of the inspiration for my mega fic. He is fully comforting her and holding her the way a father would hold a child as they calmed down. If you ever watched Once Upon A Time, it gave me Charming/Swan vibes. The way David cradles Jennifer's head and holds her to him felt similar. Even during the phone call she's gripping his hand like a lifeline. It doesn't read as romantic to me, it's desperation.

Part II

That hand grab!! You didn't gif it so I will use my newfound skills to gif it for you. Look at the man's face. He is so taken aback by her grabbing his hand it takes him at least 5 seconds for him to go about her request. (I can't add it?? I'll just send it to you or see if I can tack it on at the bottom?)

And then the way she looks at him as he sings along at the end when Rita wins?? I can't with this man. I can't with this woman. Just get married already!

Don’t think about the fact that Shane is literally laying there listening to the sound of Oliver’s heartbeat, because then you’ll get all mushy like me and this will devolve into a feels fest because isn’t that just the sweetest, most tender thi …

This was actually one of the first things I noticed in the scene! Normally hospital scenes have a character fall asleep and the fact it's Shane falling asleep on Oliver... Jess, you can always go off on Shane and Oliver cuteness. Don't let me stop you. He's so content too. Norman and Rita are there while Shane is sleeping on him but he's like "This happens every Tuesday, no big deal".

I do think if Rita needed his shoulder for a quick snooze, he would also lend her his shoulder. It's not a ShOliver thing, it's Oliver being a good friend. He'd probably do the same thing for Norman. He's just that type of person. BUT this is Shane and it's utterly adorable and to think she's sleeping soundly in a hospital because she's listening to his heartbeat and enveloped in his warmth and his smell and his presence?? I'm a puddle.

First can we acknowledge the twist of the letter to God Jordan gave Oliver? I did not see that one coming. (Side question: is Jordan an angel or Jesus? I took him to be Jesus because it's Christmas and he's "expected home for Christmas". He's also not subtle about knowing who they are and they're drawn to talk to him...I took him to be Jesus but others say he's just an angel?)

Second, I never noticed but it really doesn't make sense for Oliver to be reaching out for Shane's left side. By the time she's turned around her right side is closer but it's her left sleeve that's torn. It would make sense it was her right sleeve that tore but it isn't.

Third, you didn't mention this so I am. OLIVER IS THE ANSWER TO HER LETTER. His words, his faith, his person is the answer to Shane's childhood prayer she never forgot. He opens the wound but it's destined he's the one to help her heal.

Fourth, I need to do a gif set of lingering touches because they excel at lingering touches. I never consciously noticed she places her hand over his heart? You pointed it out and I'm like, well yeah, but I didn't notice it on my own?

I've made it to The Movie. From Paris With Love.

I know it's been pointed out before but I never really connected the differences between what Holly touches vs what Shane touches. I thought Holly was just refamiliarizing herself with the space more than anything. I thought Holly was just touching stuff and we got the edited version and Shane took a souvenir. I really didn't read into that. Now that I see it I can't unsee it.

Additional point, your honor: Oliver DOES glance at Shane as she's leaving the DLO! It's so quick but you happened to catch it in your gif. Extra point: Kristin can rock a leather skirt...like hot damn woman.

Holly and Shane are "compared" in this movie more than ever but it's so interesting Shane is everything Holly wants to be while Holly has what Shane wants. Holly wants to be a poet even though she isn't good at it. She didn't catch her "poet" and "know it" rhyme and that's an old joke. Shane caught "thing" and "spring". Holly wants to be good at her job. Shane is one of the best in her positions. Holly wants to be refined. Shane is refined. Even in the way Oliver first sees them; Holly is "bouncy" and all over the place even thought she has no right to be while Shane is calm, cool, and collected when she has every reason to be bouncing off the walls.

(I think it's the color of the blouse she's wearing. She's especially gorgeous in earth tones and it definitely helps she's lit from behind and the top to give that ethereal glow...Shane McInerney is amazing and needs protected at all costs)

I would argue Holly's path appears blocked because Oliver isn't moving out of the way but also because she's walking towards the camera from right background to left foreground. It DOES look awkward and the way it's filmed...I think it's meant to. It's not supposed to look smooth because she's an upheaval so her exit is also dramatic.

Part III

I WILL NEVER TELL YOU TO SHUT UP. I AM LOVING THIS.

If you haven't ready A&D's wardrobe assessment of the gentlemen in plaid...I recommend you do so. The fact Oliver is wearing plaid on plaid is SUCH a wardrobe tell for his inner conflict; especially because it mirrors the color palettes of Holly and Shane.

LOOK AT THAT THUMB ACTION ON HIS SHOULDER. That is all.

Holly and Oliver try to have a conversation with words and they fail. Shane and Oliver have a separate conversation and Shane works out he hasn't forgiven Holly. She is so sensitive to him right now; what he needs is a Shane hug but it would cause him to freeze up and that hurts. He needs comfort and the fact he's letting her comfort him?? WE CALL THAT GROWTH.

THE OLIVER AND HOLLY DANCE. TIME TO DO THIS.

In the Pilot and The Masterpiece, things get McSteamy so quickly but it never starts out that way. They're just dancing; it's never meant to be more but it always goes there. Now watch Oliver and Holly. He's almost trying to make it mean more. His head and his heart are finally communicating and he's realizing who Holly is and who he is and what and who he really wants. He's trying for the sake of his marriage one last time but his head and heart aren't in it. He's going through the motions but he's not there.

This, I argue, is where his head and heart are finally in sync and the thaw is over. He's melted and can make his own decisions now; he's not stuck like the snowman.

Quick tangent: when they're dancing, Holly says "And I thought I could talk you into anything" but obviously she can't. She didn't; he didn't take the lessons with her but I would argue he took the lessons for her. Oliver's response? "If I remember, I could talk you out of anything." In the DLO, Holly said "He'd kiss me and I'd forget every promise I ever made to myself." At dinner she says "You leave us alone in a car with only the two of us to heat each other up and we communicate just fine. But talking, with actual words, we were never very good at that."

We know, from a rough timeline, they've known each other less than 4 years. Oliver has known Holly less time than Rita and Norman have known each other. Oliver was a "perfect gentleman" in the car the night of the snowstorm and he tells Holly she's a beautiful woman (in the international version) so there's definitely a physical attraction. BUT if she can talk him into anything, he could talk her out of anything, kissing him made her forget every promise she'd made to herself, and they were never good with words...it makes you wonder what other issues they're sweeping under the rug.

To Holly, kissing Oliver is akin to breaking promises to herself; she does things she doesn't want to do because she's physically attracted to him. To Shane, kissing Oliver is akin to keeping promises; she does things with and for Oliver she wants to do because she's attracted to who he is.

Tangent over.

Back to the Oliver and Holly dance.

This is where, I believe, they see each other for the first time as real people. Not a hero, not someone who needs rescuing, not a faithful husband, not a wandering wife, but as Oliver and Holly. This is where their relationship ends and it's amicable. Holly had been living a truth she shouldn't have acknowledged without Oliver but Oliver had been hiding behind a lie he needed to confront with Holly. This was done SO well.

THE PORCH SCENE.

I have to ask: do you think Holly asked about Shane? When they were wrapping up their dinner and they were walking away, knowing their marriage was over, did Holly ask about Shane?

Also, I don't like how Oliver said "my wife has returned to Paris." She's not your wife anymore, bud. Say 'Holly'. I get it, he's still in that "new language" phase where he's not used to not having a wife but come on.

THE PORCH SCENE. THIS SCENE THOUGH.

Question: do you think Holly asked about Shane? After the decision to divorce was made, when they were leaving and it's clearly over, do you think Holly looked over to Oliver, who's bouncing to get to the store to buy a porch swing, and asked about Shane? I just...I like to believe even if they weren't meant to be married they're amicable and want the best for each other.

Let's talk about that porch swing. It's early hours of the morning. He's already been stopped by the police at 2am so it has to be after 2am. It took him an hour and a half to build so assuming it's just after 2am, he arrived (earliest) at 12:30am. He drives a Jag. 1) imagine Oliver O'Toole going into Walmart (because what else is open at that time of night and selling porch swings in late winter/early spring? Only Walmart) past midnight. Then he has to pick the swing and purchase it. There's no one at Walmart during the day, let alone at night. He had to track down a graveyard shift employee to purchase this porch swing.

But that's not all.

2) he had to get it in his car. I don't own a Jag and I probably never will. Not my type of car. But such furniture one finds at Walmart comes in big boxes that barely fit in my SUV, let alone a nice car. This poor employee had to help Oliver fit the square peg in the round hole so he could bring Shane her porch swing. Somehow, it fits.

3) Those boxes are heavy. He probably didn't drag it up to the porch to build it, he left the materials in his car and carried them up to the porch to build it. So you're a neighbor of Shane and it's past midnight. It's a nice neighborhood so when a blue Jag pulls up it doesn't strike you as odd. It pulls into the driveway and a man appears and starts carrying pieces of something, in the dark remember, up to the porch. This happens repeatedly and it doesn't appear Shane is home. This man is being as quiet as he can but tools clatter and...it's seriously no wonder police showed up.

4) Oliver had to deal with the box and trash left over. We see him putting the finishing touches on the swing and there's no packing materials in sight so they're either trashed or back in his car.

OR

Oliver has a porch swing guy the way Norman has cousins and he got a special delivery at midnight. I'm not sure which visual is funnier; I love them both.

Back to the topic at hand...I do think some of the left/right stuff is purely ease of blocking. It's the times of touches or when it doesn't make sense for something to be left/right that it is a left/right dynamic. It could also be both actors are right handed and it's natural for that left-side touch with the right hand. That doesn't explain everything, and those moments it doesn't explain are typically emotionally charged and very ShOliver moments.

THE HUG IN TRUTH BE TOLD. Shane straight up telling him she wants to hug him was...whoa. And then he essentially gives her permission?? He can't even say how much he needs the hug but she's able to read between the lines and just...there's no stopping her. Her bag and coat are on the floor, discarded, because she is going to envelop him in a hug. That is a healing hug.

CAN WE TALK ABOUT OLIVER IN FLANNEL WITH THE SLEEVES ROLLED UP?? It does things to me Jess...I never knew I liked the lumberjack look until now. Let me rephrase: I didn't know I liked Oliver in the lumberjack look until now. Eric is an outdoor-type guy so maybe he's just super comfortable in that clothing and it's showing on screen? Either way, things I didn't know about me until now.

I think I did it. I replied to all 3. There's surely stuff I forgot but I've fallen asleep twice while typing this? I don't think that's too bad.

Am I bored? I WANT MORE. It's been a long day and I'm laying in bed so I keep drifting off. Bring it, girl. What else you got?

Head vs Heart: Part 3

Part 1 can be found here, and part 2 can be found here.

(@jonesgirl88 .... ARE YOU TIRED YET KATIE

ARE YOU YELLING AT ME TO JUST SHUT UP, JESS, YET?)

Okay, picking up where we left off: Despite Holly's presence in FPWL, Shane continues to symbolize Oliver's heart and retain both her impact and presence on Oliver's left side, which is synonymous with the heart. After Holly invites Oliver out for drinks that evening to talk leaves the DLO, Oliver goes looking for Shane and chooses to not only deliver Caitlyn Castelluci's letter/divorce papers, but to have dinner with Shane. What follows is a moment where Shane demonstrates how well she knows Oliver, and how connected they are, as she tells Joey not only how good Oliver is at his job, but shares some insightful wisdom that may have come from Oliver at some point previously, but certainly encapsulates who he is and what he believes. Now, it's important to note that until this point, Oliver and Shane have been somewhat at odds. Oliver is upset because Shane read his letter to Holly which she promised not to do. He forgives her for that transgression in the restaurant, and though he doesn't do so explicitly we do get to see that understanding pass between him and Shane here:

We're not surprised that Shane is standing on his left here are we? Oliver and Shane's wardrobes often match, and that's true in this episode too. Oliver's shirt is pretty busy in this scene, but color wise it's pretty complementary to Shane's shirt. Of course, then you have the bright red suspenders - an obvious tie to Holly, who showed up wearing a lot of red. None of that is important to the left oriented discussion - just interesting tidbits I thought about. And I know their transgressions are not the same, but it's interesting to me that Oliver is able to forgive Shane rather quickly and effortlessly in this moment when he's struggling so mightily to forgive Holly.

So, Oliver goes to drinks with Holly after this moment. That's an interesting exchange. Holly is obviously late which is indicated by Oliver looking at his watch and then calling her room. The anxiety he's feeling is pretty obvious on his face: he thinks she's disappeared again. But when he sees her at the top of the stairs, he has quite the reaction. It looks like he sighs in relief, but he also looks ... I don't know if stricken is the right word, so let's just say he seems to be reminded all over again that Holly is a beautiful woman. But none of those things hold out over the course of their drinks. They can't communicate effectively, and when Holly tells Oliver what the one thing he taught her was we're kind of left going "huh?" It doesn't really sound like Oliver at all, though it's sound advice (something about being your own hero).

While Oliver and Holly are trying to find a table she is on his left, but they spend most of the time sitting directly across from each other. There's no notable connection between them, physically or otherwise. They're not in sync.

You know who is? Yep. Oliver and Shane. The scenes after Oliver and Holly's drinks give us these two moments:

Once again, Oliver is allowing himself to be vulnerable with Shane. Not only is she on his left again, she reaches out to establish physical connection (and even caresses him with her thumb to soothe him). They also match again: the black and blue pattern of his tie matches the black and blue of her shirt. But look at Shane's hair again: it's tucked behind her left ear. We've never seen her wear her hair like this, but we get it twice in FPWL. Once in Holly's presence, and once in Oliver's - the two people that Shane (and her heart) is most vulnerable to at this point.

A better look:

(Once more, for the people in the back: SHANE MCINERNEY IS FREAKING BEAUTIFUL, OMG)

This is the conversation where Shane identifies that Oliver hasn't forgiven Holly, and that he needs to in order to do the right thing. Shane is again encouraging him to find resolution to a situation that has caused him pain for years.

Notably, this hairstyle of tucked behind the ear doesn't appear again after this moment. When Shane observes Oliver and Holly from outside the Mailbox grille her hair is back to covering both ears. But the Oliver and Holly moments inside the Mailbox grille are what we're going to talk about next, because despite the fact that they dance (and kiss) the connection that Oliver shares with Shane is not recreated with Holly.

We know that dancing is Oliver and Shane's thing. We know that some of the first threads of their bond were sewn while they were dancing - so watching Oliver do the same dance with Holly is interesting. Despite the intimacy that comes with dancing their connection is never more than surface level which is exhibited by their hands (or lack thereof).

We don't see Oliver or Holly's hands in this moment. Remember, when Oliver and Shane had their near kiss, Oliver was holding Shane's hand and had it pressed against his heart. We don't see anything like that in this moment. I think in the moments before this gif we actually see Oliver drop Holly's hand - he doesn't pull it toward him like he did with Shane's. In fact, aside from the fact that their chests are touching there is no physical connection between them except for the kiss they're about to share.

And then we get to see Shane alone in the DLO packing her things to leave. Remember how earlier I said that the objects that Holly chose to interact with when she was alone in the DLO were not representative of Oliver as a person, but of her presence in his (past) life? The opposite is true of Shane. She only interacts with one set of things on Oliver's desk, and they're absolutely indicative of both Oliver as a person, and how well she knows him: the letter openers. And not all of them: Shane immediately gravitates to Oliver's favorite letter opener, which she steals. Shane is connected to Oliver; Holly is connected to who she remembered Oliver to be, and her presence in his life. Two very different things.

Almost done!

Now, in the porch swing scene there is no obvious left-side symbolism aside from Shane taking Oliver's left hand to see for herself that he's no longer wearing a wedding ring. I would say that this is because the symbolism isn't as necessary now that the struggle between Oliver's head (Holly) and his heart (Shane) is resolved - and it is - but this symbolism is actually continued in Truth Be Told. And probably further, but I haven't gotten past TBT for gif purposes yet. Anyway, suffice it to say that Shane continues her trend of outright establishing physical connection with Oliver's heart through his left side.

We see it here:

When Oliver needs emotional support and calls Shane to be with him at the reading of his biological father's will;

and here:

after he has indirectly acknowledged that he'd welcome a hug and Shane once more reaches out to touch the left side of his face;

and here (this one was hard to catch because of the camera angle):

There are so many more examples of Shane being representative of Oliver's left side/heart, and I'll probably do another post (or several) when I have gifs for the rest of the movies, but it's SO CLEAR to me that Shane is representative of Oliver's heart, and hopefully these make it clearer how I came to that conclusion. I don't think it's any accident that she's so often connected to or present on that side of him, or that it literally starts as early as the pilot. Oliver may have saved Holly's life in that blizzard, but she had the opposite effect on him. She froze him up, and made him a snowman - Shane reconnected Oliver's head with his heart, because she connected with him on both fronts. The more he connected with her, the more aware of and connected with himself he became.

Whew. That was a lot.

So ... what do you think? Are you bored? Did I lose you?

[rowaelin-herondale]

All This Time - An Elriel Fic - Chapter 5

Summary:  Slow burn Elriel fic taking place two years after the defeat of Hybern. Elain decides to reject her mating bond to Lucien, only to find that what she had been looking for was in front of her all along. Chapters 1. 2. 3. 4. AO3 link. A/N: After going through a pretty tough break up a few years ago, Ellie Goulding’s Halcyon Days album pretty much kept me afloat. I like to think Elain would also love my favorite song on the album (Explosions), and as such, a few references to various lyrics lay scattered throughout this chapter. Enjoy!

———————————

The center of the night sky, the moon had always led him home. And there she was, drenched in moonlight. Suddenly, it all made perfect sense.

******

Azriel stood on the roof of Elain’s townhouse. He’d been on watch for the past several hours and was currently waiting for Rhys to show up and relieve him. The bastard was late, per usual, and he knew it was entirely Feyre’s fault. Before Feyre had come into all of their lives, Rhys had been nothing but punctual. Mostly because he had nowhere else to be. But with Feyre around, and he was more than thankful for her, his dear friend was almost always late.

He was admiring a speck of dirt under his right thumbnail, when he heard her cough. It was a slight cough, not like she was choking or anything, but Azriel couldn’t help but turn his gaze towards her immediately to make sure she was okay. She was laying flat on the cement bench in her garden, where she’d been for the greater part of the afternoon, catching the sun as she read a book. He could tell from angle she held the book that she was using it to shield her eyes from the direct sunlight. Over the course of the last few hours, she’d shifted the book’s position so that it was in line with sun. He’d chuckled every time she’d move, knowing she didn’t realize she was doing it.

“You’ve always had a pull to that one, haven’t you?” Rhys whispered into his ear. Azriel had been so focused on Elain that he hadn’t even noticed his High Lord arrive. And it was hard to catch Azriel off guard.

“She’s just...special.”

“I don’t doubt it.” Rhys said, giving him a knowing smirk. “Take a break, there are leftovers at our townhouse. No sign of Lucien, I assume?”

“None.”

“And no word from Helion?” Rhys probed, scanning the skyline.

“Not a word. I assume he’s trying to reason with him a bit.”

“I’m not sure that rejecting a mating bond is something that can be reasoned with,” Rhys added, a bit sadly.

Az merely nodded, and without another word, he took to the skies. Rhys was right, he needed a break. He was hungry, but he also needed to clear his head and put some distance between himself and Elain. She obviously wasn’t his mate, but he couldn’t help but feel protective of her. He knew it would never be anything romantic - who could want someone as damaged as he was? He was a bastard covered in scars and she was beautiful and strong and gifted. A war hero. She could grow flowers where none should be able to grow, and he, well, he was friends with the shadows. That was all he could give her. And she’d only just ended things with Lucien.

The clouds were starting to move in, which suited his mood perfectly. A good meal, some rest, and a quick trip to his favorite bar were all he could think about. Well, not all. But he thought if maybe he focused on those things, he’d be able to tune out that little voice in his head telling him that he’d never be good enough.

*******

Az stayed away from Elain’s house for a day, giving Cassian, much to his disliking, a double shift. He’d been desperate to clear his head, and a night out in the city was exactly what he needed. He felt refreshed when he landed on the roof to relieve his friend.

“Nice of you to finally show up,” Cassian grumbled.

“I needed some time away.” Azriel said, defensively.

Cassian looked him over, and his normally tough appearance softened a bit. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Azriel shook his head. He was never one to talk about his feelings - after all, he’d kept silent about Mor for centuries and barely ever spoke about his early childhood and the unimaginable horrors he’d faced. Cassian clapped him on the shoulder, hard enough that a human would have fallen over, and raced off into the sky for his well-deserved break.

He didn’t mean to, but his eyes immediately searched the garden for her. She wasn’t outside and Azriel loosed a breath, plopping down on the edge of the roof. Lucien would come for Elain eventually since things weren’t settled between them. It made Azriel feel slightly on edge at the thought of having to leave Elain alone with him, again, to have another conversation and vowed to try and be in the room with her. He just hoped that when Lucien did eventually arrive, it would be to talk and not to drag her away. He didn’t think she’d approve of him tearing Lucien limb from limb.

Hearing footsteps behind him, he turned around quickly to find Elain standing before him holding a plate of freshly baked cookies. He noticed they were oatmeal chocolate chip, Cassian’s favorite.

“Oh,” she said, clearly surprised to see him. He noted that it looked like she was disappointed it was him. “I thought Cassian was still here. Do you like oatmeal chocolate chip?”

He didn’t, but he nodded and stepped towards her to take a cookie from the the plate. He took a few small bites, and although he wasn’t normally a fan of sweets, it tasted quite delicious. Mouth full, he nodded at her in thanks.

An awkwardness settled over them as she continued to stand there in front of him, holding the plate of cookies, and he continued to stand there, chewing slowly. Finally, she mumbled something that he didn’t quite catch.

“Hmm?” he said.

“I said ‘where were you?’ You’re not one to be late unless something important happened.” Giving him time to answer, she walked over to small iron table on the corner of the roof and placed the plate down before pulling out a chair and sitting down.

Azriel walked across the roof and sat down next to her. They were like two magnets - whenever he was near her, he felt a pull, the need to be even closer.

“Just a little worn out, needed a night away is all.” He knew it sounded like the lie it was. He’d never felt even remotely worn out before, always pushing the boundaries of exhaustion.

“I was worried.”

“About me? I’m the last thing you should be worried about,” Azriel said, concern seeping into his voice.

“I know you can take care of yourself and everything,” she said, waving her hand towards the sky as if that encompassed the everything. “Still doesn’t prevent me from worrying.”

He frowned. “I wish you wouldn’t.”

“It’s not just you I worry about,” Elain added. “It’s Feyre, and Rhys, Cassian, and Mor, too.”

“Not Nesta?” He said with a smirk, burying the wound left by her explaining he wasn’t singularly important.

“Why would I need to worry about Nesta? Most people keep a distance from her to begin with. She radiates misery, in case you haven’t noticed.”

His smile faded and he asked quietly, “You don’t think I radiate misery?”

“Cauldron, no. You radiate life, twilight,  s--” she stopped speaking and awkwardly cleared her throat. “I should probably head to bed. It’s been a long day.”

“Okay,” was all Azriel managed to say. She picked up the plate of cookies and as the door on the roof closed, he quietly whispered into approaching darkness, “I’ll be here.”

******

The knock on the front door awoke her. She knew who it was. Finally. Azriel appeared in the window, cobalt siphons glowing and shadows sprawling from him before she could even place a foot on the floor. He held his finger to his lips, urging her to be silent.

“I need to talk to him. I owe him that much. Wait on the roof.”

“No. It's the middle of the night.”

“Azriel, you’ll do as I say or I may never speak to you again.” She knew she was being harsh, and somewhat stubborn, but if she didn’t get him out of the room, she’d never be able to have an honest conversation with Lucien.

The pounding on the door increased, and as she rose from the bed, she gave Azriel a gentle shove out of the window he’d been perched in.

“Coming!” she yelled as she raced down the steps to the front door. When she reached the closed (and heavily locked and warded) door, she placed both hands on it as if she could feel Lucien doing the same thing on the other side. Eyes closed, deep breath. She could do this.

She opened the door to find her mate completely disheveled and distraught. His one good eye was completely bloodshot, the other whirring around his head if searching for enemies. “Can I come in?”

She nodded, and although it went against all instincts to turn her back on him, she turned around to lead him into the living room. He sat on one of the plushy chairs, a comfortable distance away from Elain.

“So, it’s clearly been a rough few days,” Lucien began. She could tell how nervous he was, fingers fidgeting in front of him. His right knee began bouncing up and down slightly. “And I didn’t come here to have a long drawn out conversation...but I did want to say a few things to you, before I disappear back to the Day Court for good."

Immediately, Elain relaxed. He was going to go. He was accepting her choice.

“First, I want to apologize for how I reacted. I could have burned you, and I’m sorry for that. I just sort of...erupted." He stopped talking then, and stood up. He started pacing around the room, silent for several minutes.

“Can I get you something to drink?” Elain offered, trying to ease the tension.

He shook his head. “Need to get through this.” A deep breath. And then, “For the longest time, I thought you were this wonderful gift after everything I’d been through. We don’t need to rehash every horrible part of my life, but I thought the moment you tumbled out of the Cauldron soaking wet onto that cold floor, I thought that you were the best thing that ever happened to me. It took me longer than I care to admit to realize that while you may have been the best thing to ever happen to me, you did not feel the same way in return. You had your mortality, your human life taken from you. And no time to process what that meant before being given a mate. I don’t think I realized just how incompatible we always were. How broken I am.”

“You’re not broken, Lucien. But even if you were, I’ve always loved fixing broken things.” She didn't know what possessed her to say it. She loved tending to flowers that struggled, coaxing weeds that shouldn't belong into other parts of the garden. She loved taking a broken cup and instead of throwing it out, using it for seeds to flourish. And when it came to people, she always had an open heart, never turning anyone away, even if they had shown her cruelty. She loved getting people to open up, to talk to her, when they were not willing to talk to anyone else. And although she would never consider her mate broken, he had not had the easiest life. And he'd happily, willingly, opened up to her about it.

He gave her a puzzling look. “I’m so sorry, Elain.”

“There’s no need to apologize. Really.” She was calm and collected, a sail weathering rough seas during a storm. She could do this. She could get through this.

“There is, though. I should have realized you weren’t happy. I’m your mate and I didn’t even realize how unhappy you’ve been. I’ve been so consumed lately with finding out Helion was my father and what that all meant that I didn’t notice you were suffering in silence. Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I hoped it would get better. Easier. I hoped it would just click.”

“It never really did, did it?”

“No. It didn’t.”

He looked at her as if it was his last glimpse at the sun. “Something tells me I’m going to thank you for this one day. But right now, it’s taking every ounce of strength not to whisk you away with me. But I respect your decision. So before I say something that I’ll regret...”

He stepped towards where she sat on the couch and bent down. For a moment, she thought he was going to scoop her into his arms. Instead, he gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek, breathing in her scent for the last time.

“Be well, Elain. Be happy.”

And before she could even say goodbye, he was gone.

******

She took time to gather herself. After Lucien winnowed away, she’d laid down on the couch and sobbed (uncontrollably, but in a good way, she told herself) for several minutes. She knew Azriel and whoever else he called were probably pacing relentlessly on the roof, worried sick, but she was allowed to take these few minutes to feel the pain. She deserved it.

When she finally made it onto the roof, Azriel was nowhere in sight. A loud thud behind her told her he’d just landed and had been circling the skies.

“You didn’t call Rhys or Cassian?” Elain asked, looking for their silhouettes in the sky.

“I didn’t think to call them,” he replied truthfully. “I was too worried that Lucien was going to winnow away with you and I didn’t want to break my concentration for even a second.”

He was fuming, she could almost see the smoke coming out of his ears.

“I’m okay,” she said. “He didn’t hurt me.”

He didn’t say anything.

“He just wanted to talk, to tell me that he was sorry, which I thought I was ridiculous. What does he have to be sorry for? It’s not like he was the one who was rejecting me...” She knew she was babbling, but she couldn’t stop. The tension pouring out of Azriel’s shadows in waves was making her nervous.

“I could tell he was devastated, and it kills me to know how much he’s hurting and that I’m the one that caused that pain. But in the end…he understood. He even said he thought that one day he may thank me for doing this. And that means more to me than any of the rest of it.”

Azriel still remained silent, arms folded across his chest, glaring at her.

“Azriel, say something. Anything. Please.”

He took a step towards her. “He could have hurt you,” Azriel growled, taking another step. They were on a dangerous collision course. He towered over her, but she stood tall, their noses less than an inch apart. “Because you wouldn’t let me in that room with you, because you sent me away, he could have taken you...and I wouldn’t have been able to stop him. And that scared me, that scared me more than anything in my 500 years of existence. I was completely powerless, Elain and I--” And then he did what she suspected he’d wanted to do for weeks now - he reached out, his hands gripping the side of her face, and kissed her. Deeply. Passionately. As if it was their last moment in this world and nothing would ever stand between them. She kissed him back. It could have been minutes or hours or seconds or centuries before she placed her hands on his, gently pulling them off the sides of her face and taking a step away from him.

He was beautiful. And he’d been her protector, not only tonight, but for entire immortal life. The hole Lucien left in her heart was only newly closed, like a thin band-aid over a bullet hole. It could break open again at any moment, and she was terrified of bleeding all over him. “I’m sorry,” was all she managed to say before turning her back on him and walking away.

She wasn’t ready for it yet. Another time. She’d love him another time.

A/N: Sorry not sorry for the emotional rollercoaster that is this story. That being said, please reblog or reply :)

[miuplays]

Miu’s Games of the Decade

Hello all! Wishing you a Happy New Year wherever you are in the world! It’s already January 1st where I am, but I’m sure people are still counting down in other parts of the world. But anywho! I wanted to end the year with a celebration of some of my favorite games released this decade. The 2010’s have been an incredible year for video games, I think. With strides made in graphics, scale, and storytelling, I think this has been easily one of the most innovative eras on all fronts. I hope you enjoy this list of a few of my favorites, and hopefully some of your favorites are here as well! If not, make a list of your own and share it with me! I’d love to see some of your opinions.

But without further ado, on to the countdown…

2010 – FALLOUT: NEW VEGAS

This game, for me, set the standard for what every RPG game should be. From its worldbuilding, to character interactions and on-the-nose commentary, to the way it expands the Fallout universe both mechanically and through storytelling. Of all the Fallout games, this is the one that left the biggest impact on me, and it’s the one I still reflect on to this day.

Honorable Mentions – Bayonetta, Red Dead Redemption, Mass Effect 2, Bioshock 2

2011 – DRAGON AGE II

So I looooove Dragon Age. It’s, in my opinion, one of the best RPG franchises ever made, and this game in particular is easily my favorite in the series. The writing is at its best, and every character is so loveable that I found myself playing it multiple times just so I could romance everybody. Despite some structural issues in the overall story, I still consider it to be one of the most memorable in the franchise, and I don’t regret a single hour put into this campaign.

Honorable Mentions – Deus Ex: Human Revolution, Dark Souls, Portal 2, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

2012 – DISHONORED

As RPG-heavy as this list is, I do wanna give some love to immersive sims. Another favorite genre of mine, and Dishonored is by and large one of the best. I found myself entangled in a number of sticky situations that I had to sleuth and stealth my way out of one too many times. Yet they somehow managed to make that the best part of the game. Player freedom and creativity are practically the foundation of this game, and it’s something that made this game not only an enjoyable and unique experience the first time around, but its replay value is through the roof. I do think that later installments in the series, as well as other immersive sim games like Prey, definitely improved upon this one in a lot of areas. But regardless, I still really enjoyed Dishonored, and I’m holding out hope for the future of the series.

Honorable Mentions – Sleeping Dogs, Mass Effect 3, Borderlands 2, The Walking Dead

2013 – THE LAST OF US

I’m sure you’re all surprised, but yes. The Last of Us is my GOTY for 2013, and possibly my favorite game of all time. Before playing this, I’ve never had a game put me in such a state of emotional duress for an extended period of time. Not even MGS3’s ending did what this game did to me. And even as I’m typing this, I realize that the technical aspects of this game—the graphics, mechanics, level design, etc.—aren’t what makes it stand out in my opinion. My favorite part of this game has to be the journey. The connection between Ellie and Joel (two characters so brilliantly portrayed by Ashley Johnson and Troy Baker). My love for these characters and my desire to see them succeed despite all of the hardships and challenging decisions they were faced with. That’s why I love this game. It is, for me, the most incredible storytelling experience I’ve ever had.

Honorable Mentions – Grand Theft Auto V, Tomb Raider, The Wolf Among Us, Injustice: Gods Among Us

2014 – BAYONETTA 2

The Queen has made it onto this list, and I have nothing but praise for the greatest hack n’ slash game ever made. Character design? Stellar. Combat system? Robust, intricate, and absolutely flaw-fucking-free. Improves upon its predecessor in every way imaginable and still remains as stylish and fun as ever? 100%.

If you haven’t played this game yet, please stop reading this and go play this game. It is… phenomenal.

Honorable Mentions – Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dark Souls II, Alien: Isolation, Tales from the Borderlands

2015 – THE WITCHER 3: WILD HUNT

What can I say about this game that hasn’t already been said, like, 9 million times…?

It’s legendary. Simply put. A flawless and unforgettable RPG experience that simply cannot be replicated. Also, I would die for Yennefer. And Ciri of Cintra is the love of my life.

Honorable Mentions – Bloodborne, Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain, Life is Strange, Mortal Kombat X

2016 – HYPER LIGHT DRIFTER

The only indie game on this list, but its spot is well deserved. What has always set video games apart from other storytelling mediums is interactivity. Despite this, I feel like most games still rely on heavy dialogue and cinematic cutscenes in order to spin its narrative. Which is why I’m so appreciative of games like this, where art and exploration are key to understanding the world and the happenings around you. Hyper Light Drifter is a gorgeous game, with challenging combat and beautiful, stylish music and design that will have you feeling both nostalgic and mesmerized. Even in its quieter moments the game remains so rich and thoughtful, and even now it’s hard to decipher my feelings afterwards. A mixture of melancholy, delight, and solace. It’s a journey I thoroughly enjoyed taking.

Honorable Mentions – DOOM, Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End, Titanfall 2, Deus Ex: Mankind Divided

2017 – HORIZON: ZERO DAWN

This year was a solid year for games, which made this decision insanely difficult… but after a lot of deliberating, I decided to go with my gut. Aloy stole my heart the moment she came on the screen. She’s an incredible leading lady who’s strong, determined, complicated, and layered in ways that both intrigued me and that I could relate to. But beyond just my crush on the game’s protagonist, the scope of this game is just… fantastic. The way they mixed post-apocalyptic tribalism with futuristic technology, the physics of every monster you encounter being so dynamic that every battle feels viscerally intense, even just the combat mechanics and how much effort was put into designing Aloy’s bow and her diversity of combat options, I’m just so!!!! In LOVE with this game!!!!!!!

Honorable Mentions –Tekken 7, Uncharted: The Lost Legacy, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, Butterfly Soup

2018 – GOD OF WAR

Yet another game that I’ve showered in so much praise that I don’t think there’s anything left for me to say about it anymore. This game is flawless for a number of reasons. Its meticulously crafted combat system, amazing graphics, beautiful character and game design, gorgeous score, and seamless transitions from action to story that make it feel like a film taken in one single camera shot are all key selling points. But what sold me on this game, and makes it my top pick for this year, was its compelling narrative. The story is one that’s very personal to me. I felt for them and their loss at the very start of the game. I resonated with Atreus and his struggles to connect with his father. And I understood Kratos’ inner battle with coming to terms with who he is and the things he’s done, and trying to be the father his son deserves. I related to these things, as they resembled all to closely the relationship I had with my own mom. God of War moved me in more ways than one, and I’m very thankful that this game exists. I felt like it was my own story being told on that screen as well.

Also… the boss fights are just so fucking fun.

Honorable Mentions – Spider-Man (PS4), Red Dead Redemption 2, Gris, Super Smash Bros. Ultimate

2019 – RESIDENT EVIL 2: REMAKE

This may be a more controversial pick considering the amount of quality games that came out this year, and I know most of my viewers were probably expecting Control or The Outer Worlds to be here considering how much I hyped those games up. But in my defense, Resident Evil 2 was already one of my all-time favorite games, and this remake nothing short of a masterpiece. To me, it’s what every horror game should be. The atmosphere is dark yet engrossing. Every aspect of design, from sounds to levels to enemies, make this one of the scariest horror games I’ve ever played, all without relying on jumpscares, or grotesque imagery (although there’s plenty of that as well, it’s not what makes the experience so horrifying imo). It’s one of the most beautifully crafted survival horrors, while manages to improve upon the original while still remaining faithful to it. I consider it a masterclass in how to approach any remake. Capcom truly earned back my trust with this one.

Honorable Mentions – Control, Katana ZERO, The Outer Worlds, Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice

And so concludes the list! I hope you enjoyed reading, despite how lengthy it got. I wanted to get out as much praise as I could because every game listed here deserves it. I’m in love with every single one, including so many more that weren’t mentioned. It was truly an amazing decade for gamers and game developers alike, and I’m nothing but optimistic for the future.

See you all next year.

– ミウ。

[mantra4ia]

Lucifer Season 2 Round-out

Last April, a list began that would soon pervade into every moment of my life: “Lucifer Season 2 and Beyond - Wants and Desires”. It went through various iterations…

Original Post (pre-season) / Updated post (during season 2)

Before I go into my “Season 3” post (and questions!) I wanted to make a quick capsule of my top fulfilled desires of season 2. Please let me know what yours were, or if you have questions and desires yet to be addressed.

Desires Fulfilled / Questions Answered

✔ Does Lucifer have any other brothers/siblings we should know of? While I was disappointed that Uriel had such a brief appearance, it was still very cool and developed the arc of the season a TON! Also, there’s that mention of… ✔ Lucifer should have a sister…(2x05) AZRAEL! The Angel of Death is a she, and I have many questions and speculations about her role, power, manifestation, etc ✔ Who is Lucifer’s mother? Angel, Demon, something else? You know, for a majority of the season I didn’t know whether I liked or hated the Divine Goddess mum as Charlotte Richards. She was a fun character, but very on the fence as to what she wanted and how badly at any given moment. Mostly what bothered me is her lack of seriousness, gravitas. I wanted to see the “Goddess” side of her all season. She was jailed for centuries not just for being powerful, but also vengeful, chaotic, bordering on malicious. And then I got all that in the very last episode, 2x18 “God, Bad, Crispy” and I loved it. All that resentment, brokenness, and desperation, coupled with destructive force so that I could take her seriously. And no sooner did I love her as a balanced character of humor and strength, she (as we know her) was gone! Wot?! ✔ We’ve seen Lucifer’s lifestyle, how is Amenadiel liking his time on earth? Not at all - his poor wings! But I’m really quite glad he’s found solace in, of all places, the improv club. ✔ Who are Chloe’s friends outside the force, will we meet some? Thank Dad for Maze, Linda, and Ella, and girls night #tribe. ✔ Lucifer, Trixie, and Maze on a school’s day out field trip. Trixie and Maze trick-or-treating was 100% wonderful, and as a brilliant bookend so was Lucifer taking Trix to school and them having their own little “deceiving your parents” club. ✔ Girls’ night - Mazikeen, Chloe, Linda. And not only that but a bar fight, which is also what I wanted to see more of (the females kicking butt, which I got from all the core ensemble save Trixie, who instead kicked butt with her words, as Maze said). It’s like the writers have Lucifer powers of desire deduction… ✔ More delving into the themes of what it means to be vulnerable, when it’s good and not, and recovering from betrayal from all the characters’ perspectives. Well, divorce and single parenting are pretty dang vulnerable for Chloe I’d say….and you know drudging up the past and confronting her dad’s murder. And Dan and Lucifer at the comedy club, the openness there gave me new hope for their continued BroTP. Lucifer with Azrael’s blade while Amenadiel watched as his little bro was in pain DESTROYED ME. And even Trixie was vulnerable at that Starford private school, which was super insightful for Trixstar. And Maze and Lucifer throwing down and going to group therapy with Linda. The writers really knocked vulnerability, recovery, and moving forward out of the park. ✔ Is Mazikeen going to make more progress in the friends’ department? First word: Roomies. Second word: wifey. I really, deeply enjoyed Maze bonding with Chloe and Linda (ride or die) this season, and her growing attachment to humans. ✔ Now that Lucifer doesn’t have his Pentecostal coin to play with, does he get a new toy? I never thought seeing Lucifer with a cell phone would be that satisfying.  ✔ We see Lucifer always wearing a ring and Amenadiel always wearing a necklace. Will they come into play? Of course! Although, please props department up your game. I hated that Sumerian text. It looked like a three ring binder spray painted bronze. ✔ What stunts/ fight choreography are you guys thinking about for s2? Maze with a pool cue, a good amount of headbutting, slo-mo riots in a psychiatric ward, jumping off of a pier, some great driving sequences, a sniper/hostage situation, violence with a yoga mat, throw-down in a church (Father Frank’s church?), broken pianos. I can’t wait for more! ✔ Tom Ellis at the piano.“All Along the Watchtower” pleases me to no end. ✔ Scenery changes? I love the addition on the performance club and Chloe’s new apartment.  ✔ New potentially recurring characters? Heavens bless Ella in all her awkward moment, ice-breaking quirkiness.  ✔ Can Chloe effect other celestials adversely, or just Lucifer? Apparently yes she can. She disrupted Uriel’s pattern of destruction (2x05) I think, I could be wrong, but it came across that way… ✔ Seeing Lucifer with wings. YES! Bring on the eleventh hour cliffhanger. ✔  Lucifer’s fall? Maybe we saw a glimpse of it…depending on the context of the 2x18 cliffhanger

Things we got that we didn’t even know we wanted. SO GOOD:

Dan and Chloe are getting a divorce and in so doing becoming an even better team on the force and in life. They can razz each other more at work and be treated as equals, and she can joke with Dan “if you married Charlotte, that would make you Lucifer’s stepdad.”

Amenadiel wallowing about the loss of his wings, and the new BroTP Dandielion (Dan and Amenadiel at the comedy club)

“Cosmos are yummy” and “I like [the shape of] your head” one liners. You deserve all the praise Amenadude.

Ella’s tiny hands comment.”I’ve seen some pretty tiny manhands.” Cheeky.

Ella speaking French.

Lucifer and Maze with a taser. Superb new toy.

Lucifer being mortally embarrassed seeing his mom naked (how does it feel to be on the receiving side of nude awkwardness buddy), her interrupting his foreplay, and him having to drag her off his club stage because of her dancing. He’s essentially a teenager with her around.

Trixie’s defaced doll, and Lucifer’s sinnamon roll behavior getting her a new one.

Trixie holding Lucifer’s hand hostage as he takes her to school and bargains with her to drive the Corvette.

Chloe nearly beating someone to death with a yoga mat. “There’s a special place in hell for women…who manipulate other women.”

A reprisal of Chloe and Maze the tag team. Magnificent.

Lucifer denouncing cats. “Open box of excrement in your house? Cats,” Makes me wonder what pet Lucifer would have if he could. 

Uriel playing with patterns and probability! Sweet, now help me sail my ship! (2x05)

Lucifer as an action movie fan. Not surprising, since we already know he loves cheesy sci-fi from season 1 interaction with Chloe’s mom. But still another awesome nerdy layer.

Chloe teaming up on a case with her would-be-mother-in-law. Season 2 subtitle: #EveryoneHitsOnChloe

Lucifer in a psych ward. And of course, the Linda/Lucifer break out. Though it probably would’ve been equally fascinating as a break in.

SEASON HIGHLIGHTS (TOP 10):

The stunt driving in the corvette and Chloe’s car, and the surrounding circumstances of both incidents. I love the fulfillment of “I’ll never let you drive” comes full circle when Lucifer speeds on to try and save Chloe’s life, and when Chloe has to ride shotgun on Lucifer’s terms, she loses all composure. 

Most of 2x13 “A Good Day to Die” but especially the X-Ambassadors “Unsteady“ montage where every character shines!

“God Johnson” - the whole episode from start to finish, because it revealed so much honesty, meta, and motivation about the Lucifer, Linda, and Mum. If I had to pick a favorite part, it would have to be when Lucifer is wheeling Linda down the corridor and she meets ‘God’ or the celestial parent trap. Linda and Lucifer get to act like fans in their own show, Dr. Martin reveals Lucifer’s hidden desire to see his family back together, and Mum realizes she loves her ex and much as she hates him.

Maze and Chloe on a case as a married couple.

The men #tribe and the women #tribe we clearly establish in the first half of the season through cocktails, bar fights, saunas, improv clubs, etc. It wasn’t obnoxious or super exclusive, it developed naturally and really served the characters.

All of Trixie’s screen time was awesome, and the fact she seems to get more of it. Particularly “you don’t have to speak in code, I can handle adult stuff (she’s very perceptive)” and “wusses don’t get lollies” and her reaction to Lucifer stealing her sandwich.

Lucifer’s final scene with Linda in the hospital, where she has the title line that once again gives Lucifer page turning insight, and he puts her glasses back on and I melt!

Amenadiel being able to slow time for the first time since his powers waned, and using it to save Linda’s life. It made me teary, and brought me back to 2x13 when he helped Lucifer by standing his ground for Chloe. (MVP on the Unsteady montage)

Ella standing up to Charlotte. Her saying “you hurt Dan, I’ll break your legs” at first came off funny, like ‘your East Coast is showing’ but with each episode I increasingly wonder if, instead of just being mellow and accepting and lighthearted, she knows more than she let’s on and there’s another side of her that we’ve not seen.

The made up dinner scene / “you look beautiful” / the trajectory of Deckerstar. I admit there was a faith wobble. I thought that the show was revving up Lucifer and Chloe, perhaps not ‘too fast,’ but too suddenly. A lot was development happened over very few episodes in season 2 (by contrast to the entire season one slow burn) that I was dazed. What the hell was going on? Then they slammed on the brakes and reversed it when Luci skipped town and I thought are you trying to give me whiplash. But now those trials and that zig zag line is actually effective in making their relationship more complex and less doe-eyed, leading up to the capstone line by Chloe about moving forward. It gives the series a Chuck-like nostalgia in that this epiphany frees up a lot of constraint: it doesn’t matter the twists, turns, sputters, or screaming wheelies of the ship, in fact all the better, so long as their eyes are open and the aim is forward.

DIDN’T LIKE (BOTTOM 10):

☒ The “Wobble” episode concept.(2x03 Sin-Eater) If I had to rate it’s strength as a compelling episode, it’s probably second to the bottom.

☒ Poor Uri, we did not know him well, but I wanted to! (2x05)

☒ The “Candy Morningstar“ episode (2x14). I like the resolution, however I thought overall it was a weak return from hiatus. It did not do a very good job of filling in gaps of Lucifer’s time in Vegas - but maybe that’s something flashbacks in season 3 will revisit.

☒ Ella, her brother Ricardo, (2x13) and their Brooklyn roots. At first when I heard Ella came from a big family of brothers - 5? if I’m not making that up - I thought “what rich grounds for parallels” Lucifer comes from a big angelic family and Ella and Luci hit it off quite well where quirkiness goes she practically like a sister, she even got him to go to church, I can’t wait to see where this goes. But then we met one of her siblings, and it felt somewhere between a front and a one-off plot point to serve the events unfolding in the case. Generally, I feel even though I really like her character, she was not used to full potential in the second act of season after 2x8. Part of the hazard of adding two characters in one season. However, I have hope from 2x17 when Ella goes off to accept a call from her brother that she’s been ‘waiting for all day,’ but it’s never revealed why and the call takes place off screen that we’re going to revisit Ella’s family and backstory in a more detailed, impactful way come s3.

☒ The Season Finale 2x18. Before you kill me - allow me to clarify. I LOVED THIS EPISODE, however it was so packed I wish that I could surgically take out some preceding season fluff and elaborate these critical details over 2-3 episodes so that they are more than nuggets. Especially because of three things: 1) The growing complexity of Amenadiel’s relationship with Dan and Mum!Charlotte. Face it: Amenadiel had an extended identity crisis this season. It was planned, and overdue, so it’s fine. But only in these last episodes did his friendship with Dan and anchor to humanity flourish, as though playing catch up to Maze, as well as his more complex, less idolizing perspective of his parents. I WANTED MORE 2) Mum!Charlotte’s relationship with Dan “you were my favorite human.” Writers - How can you drop a line like that and NOT go after it? Are you evil? Mum’s been around for millennia and in all that time humanity has been at best a perplexing annoyance, at worse a target for ire. And in the span of one or two months on Earth, the divine goddess has developed a favorite human attachment not just to manipulate as was her intention, but beyond her reasoning legit. That’s huge. At first it was so weird, and now that I WANT MORE you cut me off! 3) Mum!Charlotte was finally beginning to stand on her own as a character, only to be slightly Sparta’d into the void. Just a few episodes ago, her only significant interactions were he sons and Maze. Now she’s branched out to everyone with the exception of Trixie. (WHY ON EARTH DID WE MISS THAT OPPORTUNITY). Then just two episodes ago, she said “when I kissed [my husband] I knew it wasn’t him, and yet I wanted it to be” - BAM - and then when she discovered Lucifer’s real plan to parent trap her in heaven, and that he was too worried about the repercussions to humanity, she offered to gate crash heaven alone and spare her son - POW. And to top it off, she recognized her own latent identity crisis and accepted an alternative to go into uncharted territory, make a new life for herself without her ex and her children, to examine who she is as her own independent Goddess in a life and a universe of her own. To summarize: metric ton of progress for Mum in three episodes tops, mostly in the last one, and now she is gone to do the most interesting part of her journey off camera. AHHH!

☒ The flaming sword. It got so much build up for so little actual use, apart from opening the void. Plus side: I thought the void concept / how the sword was used in conjunction with the theme of moving forward was EXTREMELY good, but at the same time my inner child wanted more swordplay with at least the three main celestials: Lucifer, Amenadiel, and Mum. You get a sword, you get a sword, you get a sword!

☒ Excessive use of Devil Eyes. I’ll have to count and compare to see how this actually tallies up, but particularly in “God Johnson” and maybe 1-2 other times I don’t recall, I thought it was overkill. I get why Lucifer’s glow-eyes are a handy physicality feature to the story, but overall I think some cues were off for maximum impact. S1 Lucifer used his eyes and true form in 3 main contexts: 1) when it suited him to intimidate or frighten 2) when it suited him for for amusement 3) when he got really overwhelmed by his emotions - possibly because it takes concentration to maintain his image and extreme emotion can blink his focus. “God Johnson” by contrast seemed more like ‘we’re telegraphing the anger.’ Of course Luci is angry, hurt, resentful, and like a kid wants the last word with Dad. However, when you factor in his smarts/cunning, and how long he’s been planning his Dad conversation, it would follow that Lucifer is laser-focused, determined, and knows that Devil Eyes don’t hold any weight with Father. Therefore, I think there are more varied, smarter, scarier ways to show Lucifer’s anger that were underutilized this season, is voice and body language especially. Plus side: I truly enjoyed Lucifer’s form in 2x13 in hell, and 2x06 for his reveal to Linda. The lighting, 5/5 Morningstars. 

☒ The pacing and balance of humor, smart storytelling, and the dramatic elements of the show felt off, probably also on account of two hiatuses. Reflecting over the whole season I’m not as annoyed as I was week-to-week. There were parts of the season where I waited eagerly for Monday only to find the comedy didn’t hit when I thought is this a comedic take on a police procedural or a parody of a comedy of a police procedural. Other times we got all the dramatic in one go and I thought Dang, where was this development when I needed it. But then I saw 2x18 and one scene made it better/sensical: Dan coaching Amenadiel at the improv club. In a strange, probably coincidental way, when Dan says “Amenadiel, that’s a little dark buddy” I felt like the writers were breaking the forth wall and saying “yes, I know, we take you on these weird tonal-emotional roller-coasters from pantomime slapstick to death and crippling guilt. We can and will make fun of ourselves now.” And I felt a burden lift as if replying “thank you for understanding that the struggle is real.”

☒  Celestial telephone tag cliffhangers. I love both of them: clever, full circle, smartly written. At the same time, I love to hate them. Twice is good. If showrunners go for a third time, I’ll take my cue from Maze and headbutt someone.

☒ I like the idea of expanding the universe by playing with the concept of the void. I think that it takes a great note from the comics. However, I’m worried it’ll be an idea that doesn’t go anywhere. As the show stands, Lucifer is so grounded in our physical world that adding a couple characters to the cast is tricky. This kind of world building? By comparison, this is God-level tricky, which is both exciting and terrifying.

Unanswered Questions / Moving Forward

See my Season 3: Speculations, Questions, Desires post.

[proofthatihaveaheart]

end of year 2019 recs

this was meant to be posted two months ago and then it got buried in my drafts and i forgot that it existed while i started a new fic rec list for the first quarter of this year oops

[1 Borderlands, 1 Good Omens, 1 Life is Strange, 1 Marvel, 1 She-Ra, 9 Steven Universe, 1 Tangled, 1 The Adventure Zone, 1 The Last of Us, 2 The Umbrella Academy]

Borderlands

Burn Out by snufflyphoenix (VH1 gang, 5k):  As Mordecai and Brick prepare to ship out to Athenas as the Crimson Raiders' B Team with Not So Tiny Tina, Lilith worries about their safety and starts to wonder how she's going to manage without them now she's gotten so used to them always being with her again. She contemplates their relationship; how it's changed since when they first met and how they're going to manage going forwards with the world turned upside down again. [This fic balances tenderness and comfort and grief so well while capturing the dynamics between these characters and I just really love it.] 

Good Omens

Choose Your Faces Wisely by Poetry (Aziraphale/Crowley, 5k):  In a world where humans wear their souls on the outside, Crowley and Aziraphale learn to make their own. [Daemon AU! It’s well-written with lots of references, cool concepts about the daemons of supernatural beings, and strong character moments.]

Life is Strange

migratory animals by swapcats (Chloe/Max, 11k): “Here,” you say, tossing the photo her way. “Check it out. Blackwell was insane for kicking me out, right?”You give her your best grin. It’s not very good, but she’s not looking, anyway. She twists the photo in her hands, turns it upright, and does nothing but blink at it.For a moment, you’re scared she’s going to fall in. Not because it’s a photo -- it isn’t even of her, isn’t more than a few hours in the past -- but because you’re more convinced than terrified that she’s just going to up and vanish. If it’s not time-bullshit, then it’ll be her having enough of putting up with your bullshit; she’s got her family out there, over in Seattle, and you’ve got a beat up truck and a few thousand dollars to your name. [Road trip fic! Full of pining and a careful exploration of their traumas and healing, it serves as a perfect epilogue to their adventure]

Marvel

dance, dance (we’re falling apart to half-time) by gleesquid (Gwen/MJ, 4k): “We were going to go dancing. Peter and I, I mean. We could still go. You and me, that is, it’s not like we need Peter to dance, or any boys at all, and he’s not very good anyways –,”“Gwen Stacy,” Mary Jane said and Gwen faltered at the sound of her own name on foreign lips. “It’s like you read my mind.”Or: Gwen and MJ will always be each other's favorite dance partner. [A perfect fic about Gwen and MJ’s growing friendship and feelings, with lots of dancing thrown in. The build-up is fantastic and it’s romantic and it’s very much them.]

She-ra

I Can Make You Stronger by inkubusmb (Glimmer, 7k): "You can really make me that powerful?""You think of yourself only as a princess, but you're the child of a great sorcerer. You have a more powerful connection to magic then you've ever realized. Let me show you."Shadow Weaver couldn't be trusted. Glimmer knew that.But after losing her mother, she knew she had to get stronger. Strong enough to protect her friends from the same fate. Strong enough to destroy the Horde.And Shadow Weaver was the only one who could give her that power. [A neat character study of something that very well might happen in s4 - Glimmer learning magic from Shadow Weaver.]

Steven Universe

Before We Turn to Dust by Mintly (Ruby/Sapphire, 6k): Their days were dirt roads and endless blue sky. It would be freedom, except it wasn't. Sapphire is a quiet country storefront and Ruby dreams. [Human!AU set in a small rural town. The writing is beautiful, the relationship and yearning between Sapphire and Ruby comes through clearly, and the atmosphere shines. It’s really good and even if you’re not a human AU fan, you should check it out.]

Cleave by susan_voight, thingswithwings (Ruby/Sapphire, 8k): “Tell me a story,” Steven asks, as he shuts his eyes. Garnet, as far as she has the capacity for it, is surprised; Steven is seventeen, and while he still has a tendency towards whimsy, he hasn’t asked for this particular indulgence for years. Not since he was a lot smaller. Garnet feels a little angry at herself for not having noticed that earlier; she feels regretful, too, that she can never seem to see any part of Steven’s adulthood coming in advance. [Garnet tells Steven a story about Ruby and Sapphire and the time they had to separate for a mission. It’s absolutely lovely, a great study of their relationship and how they grow to be even stronger.]

Little Rebellions by CompletelyDifferent (gen, 58k):  Not all Pearls have the chance to run off to another planet and take up arms. Not all fights are grand and romantic. These are the little rebellions- little, but just as defiant. [A wonderful set of interconnected one-shots centered around themes of rebellion and freedom. And all the good world-building! I loved them all.]

Only Human by mllelaurel (gen, 23k):  When a malfunctioning artifact temporarily (they hope!) turns them all human, the Gems must face down a monster infestation, while dealing with the loss of their normal powers and their own sudden fragility. [This very much reads like a multi-episode arc and it’s absolutely delightful. The insecurities and vulnerabilities the Gems struggle with are ones that are always there, but they’ve been magnified and brought to the surface with their human state and it’s just really well-done.] 

Pushing By Like Hearts by mautadite (Lapis/Peridot, 13k): “Sounds like you’re really counting on that road trip magic.”(Peridot and Lapis do Midway City, and Empire City, and Plateau Ville, and all the places in between.) [Peridot and Lapis go on a road trip and it’s wonderful. Love the imagery, the development of their relationship, and the characterization.]

starwalker’s birthday by the_sockpuppet (Pearl/Garnet, 11k):  Garnet wonders if she is Rose’s replacement. Pearl wonders how Garnet could love her. [I love this fic and the way it navigates their relationship and all the insecurities they bring along to it. The focus is very much on communication and being open and working through things, and it’s very good.]

the meek shall inherit the earth by Ushio (Pearl gen, 958): "Where was her Pearl?" asks Blue Zircon. Well. She was holding the sword. [Even though this was supremely jossed, it makes for a good, poetic read.]

Waltz of the Nian by QuickYoke (Lapis/Peridot, 6k): Lapis doesn't understand fusion at heart, but she does know she's an unideal partner for it. Set after the season 3 finale. [A character study of Lapis and her relationship to fusion, and the moments when Lapis almost fuses with Peridot. It’s well-written and it handles the subject of trauma + navigating boundaries and intimacy beautifully.]

where we love is home by possibilityleft (Pearl/Garnet, 532): "You're looking at me differently now," Garnet says.Slight Pearl/Garnet. Post-regeneration for them both, Garnet and Pearl have a discussion. [Early rebellion days, a short conversation that holds a lot inside it.] 

Tangled the Series

strings by pathygen (Cassandra-centric, 19k):  The weight of the stone should be concerning, but it’s not. She’s never been unfamiliar with weight. [This fic is a fascinating exploration of what could happen with the Moonstone and the ghost. It’s also a fascinating story of becoming lost in your own anger and insecurity, how that can twist you and make you someone you’re not. It’s dark and painful and I read it in one sitting because I couldn’t tear myself away from what was going on. It’s also a slow build to the final confrontation, which is stunning and one of my favorite moments in any fics I’ve read this year.] 

The Adventure Zone 

tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow by fishycorvid (Taako-centric, 28k): The funeral of one of the birds should have more attendants than this, some part of Taako thinks. But Magnus hadn’t wanted that, of course; he’d told Taako as much decades ago, just a few years after the Day of Story and Song. Taako had laughed then, told him he’d regret it when there weren’t any adoring fans weeping and tossing flowers into his grave. Taako isn’t laughing now, here in this clearing with the body that used to be his friend. (What comes after the end.) [As you might expect from the summary and warning about character death,this fic is painful. You will cry and your heart will hurt. But it’s also very well-written and a beautiful exploration of grief and having to live on and how sometimes things don’t work. Sometimes you pretend you’re fine but you’re not, you’re on a self-destructive spiral. That said, it’s also juxtaposed with some really lovely moments between Taako and his family, his friends. Highly recommend!] 

The Last of Us

landscape by januarys (gen, 854): It's the moments that define who they are, the spaces in between, and as the seasons fade into one. [A lovely stream of moments over the course of the game between Joel and Ellie.]

The Umbrella Academy

Keep Trying by pprfaith (Vanya & Klaus, 8k): At thirteen, a drunk Klaus goes wandering the mansion instead of locking himself into his room. Seventeen years down the line, he saves the world. In between, they're all just trying not to drown. (Klaus and Vanya against the world.) [This fic is lovely and healing and imagines a different world where things are still messed up because Reginald is the worst dad but there’s also support and comfort and learning how to trust.]

Try Again by pprfaith (gen, 57k):   They have outlived their father. They've managed to fix themselves. A little. Sort of. So from here on out, things should be peachy, right? [The Hargreeves get the healing and recovery they deserve, lots of good sibling dynamics, confronting what Reginald did to them, I really love this fic.]