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#part 2 after almost 2 years
4res · 2 years
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30 days of Them, Part 2 🕊️🤍
The following series of prompts are absolutely free to answer, if you choose. All I ask is that you use these prompts to delve deeper into Them. 30 Days of Them Part 1. Almost 2 years later..
A long time ago, you had a feeling They were waiting for you to speak with Them. How did you know?
A creature comes towards you, sent from your God. What does that creature look like?
Vividly describe what element you feel They rule over, and why.
Tragedy strikes - or at least, it tries to. Do you believe They will protect you?
If Heaven was curated by Their touch, what does Their own Heaven look like to you?
How do you feel the ancient ones knew when your God was near?
Starving, you sit down to a meal with your God. What do They serve you? What do the plates look like? What does it taste like?
Uncertain of how to go forward, you whisper to your God that you feel lost. How do They remind you of the Way Home inside?
Do you know God as a sister, brother, lover, mother, something else? How does your Heart connect with Them?
How do you feel the events in your life have shaped your faith in Them?
Your Heart throbs with the sudden desire to create. What do you do, paint, fuck, write.. something different?
Above all else, we do not fully ever know. What is something you feel you may be ignorant about when it comes to your God?
Describe that secret internal work you are doing with your God. But just a hint.
What is something your God has drastically changed your perspective on?
Your God comes to you in the night, and asks you to do something far beyond the confines of your comfort zone. Do you do it?
If you could write a modern mythos about Them, what story would you tell to paint the picture of who They truly are?
What is it you do that never fails to draw you closer to Them?
Perceive your God with just your Smell, then just your Taste. What about Sight? Touch? How does each sense differently perceive?
Your God has close family, maybe even brothers or sisters in the Divine. Do you have any connection with those They are close to?
Do you believe it is possible to find peace in your God?
How does God take up space in your Home? How much space in your Home is Theirs?
Curate a special libation for your God from your own personal mixture of vinegars, wines, spices - whatever you choose. What do you make for Them? Why?
Your God has asked that you contrive a special holiday to Them, just for Them and You. Imagine this day, just devoted to Them. What do you do that day? What do you abstain from that day? When is the day?
Describe the sound of your God's voice, without using instruments.
What is something destructive that your God wrestles with you about, asking you to stop?
Describe a depth of Them that would frighten you to experience unbridled.
Are you afraid to let go into Them? Would you leave it all behind?
Imagine that time rewinds and you find yourself a disciple of their ancient following. How do you start and end your day at Their temple?
Perhaps They are deeply misunderstood and misrepresented by Their mythos. How would you describe Their most difficult mythos? Why did They do it?
At last, our time comes to a gentle end. You have just enough time to speak your final words, and you decide it will be to your God. What is the last thing out of your mouth?
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eosofhearts · 30 days
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tfw you've hallucinated your dead bestie so many times you nearly try to kill him when he actually comes back for real
(click for better quality)
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mrsfitzgerald · 1 year
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richard & paul | tour'23 | part I ♡
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painted-bees · 9 months
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reading through your hinote tags it was interesting to learn that Raf still likes preforming and even misses playing large shows, but avoids getting sucked back into it. As an adult, you'd think he could just return to preforming on his own terms and play any stage he wants. Does a fear of success keeps him away from it? Sorry if this was already explained somewhere and I missed it.
Sssorta haha! He doesn't want to gain too much traction and attract media attention, because it'll inevitably liken his current career/his current self to his past...And almost none of the things he had said about himself, very few of the views he presented in interviews and such, none of it was really him, what he believed, what he liked, or how he, himself, wanted to be perceived. He likes playing the character on stage, but hates the notion of that character following him and being projected onto him in day to day life. On one hand, he doesn't want random people to see him and know him accurately--which is why the stage persona is so great. But on the other hand, the media personality his mother curated is too far removed from his own tastes and sensibilities, that it feels like an ill-fitting skin and makes him physically uncomfortable to be identified as and associated with it. Increased visibility as a performer would kinda force him to contend with that in a way he really would rather not. It's not worth it for him. AND he does not want to attract his family's attention. He doesn't want them contacting him about his career. He wants to be as tiny and invisible to them as possible.
Secondly, and more acutely, though--his symptoms after a show--any show--really suck. He gets nervous leading up to a performance, but it's usually perfectly manageable. He's normally in relatively good spirits about it. Then on stage, he gets a nice little thrill and the feeling of "man, yeah! I need to let myself do this more often!" But then, once the show is over, he's in the backstage bathroom vomiting, and spends the next week struggling to recover from a depressed hangover with 0 motivation, energy, or excitement for anything. He hasn't...figured out how to avoid this extremely consistent pattern. It's weird, because he feels fine during the performance, even if there's a break in between or some such. But as soon as it's properly over, the nerves hit him hard--and once the anxiety passes, he's just an exhausted, deflated, apathetic husk with a very, very low mood about it. That's what kinda keeps him off the stage, and prevents him from doing shows on any kind of consistent basis. He can only really commit to doing them if he's feeling really good about things--and if he can afford the inevitable "crash" week that always follows. If that were less of an ailment for him, he might be more inclined to at least humor the idea of reinventing his persona and returning to musical performance on a more serious/professional/consistent basis. Alas.
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not-so-terrible · 1 year
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Konoha: Wow, it’s so great our double agent within the Uchiha Clan has the selfless Will of Fire, completely cancelling out the possibility for trauma, repressed emotion and deep love to trigger the Curse of Hatred and cause them to sacrifice the many for the few they care about. We can relax and leave it all to him :)
Itachi, trapped on a burning clifftop, wrapping Sasuke in duct tape in preparation to throw him over the edge: ~ I will kill our friends and family to remind ☽  you ☺ of ♬ my ☮ love ☠ ~
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basiltonpitch · 1 year
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on losing a mother
#yelling#s.poem#mom tag#poetry#okay to reblog#it's officially been over a year since the last time i saw my mom.#her skin was translucent paper thin and she looked so fragile in tht hospital bed but she was supposed to be getting better#and she did. for about a month.#she went back into the hospital 3 days after my birthday.#she stayed there for like 2 weeks and then died about a week after she checked herself out.#the last time she ever texted me was on my birthday. i waited two days to text back. and i never heard back from her.#the next time i saw her she was a pile of grey ashes in a plastic urn. she sits on my shelf now. i haven't gotten her a new urn yet.#i try not to feel guilty. there wasn't much i could do from a thousand miles away#but i still feel the guilt every day itching under my skin and screaming at me in my mind that i should have done better#that i should have been there for her#her phone number has since been given to someone else. i deactivated her facebook account. i cleaned out her apartment & threw away almost#all of her belongings.#i took photo albums. i took some jewelry - including the ring she wore as she was cremated. it survived the fire. the funeral home put it#in the urn with her ashes. i wear it sometimes just to feel like there's still a part of her with me.#but she's gone and i don't believe in an afterlife and neither did she#there's some comfort in knowing she is no longer in pain that she is no longer suffering#but i still sit here and i think of all the things i never got to tell her and the new things i want to tell her every single day#i never got to come out to her. not really. i never got to tell her that i understood what she went thru with my dad because i lived it too#anyways. sorry for going off in the tags. i'm okay i promise. just feeling a lot of feelings right now.
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stillfruit · 2 days
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i love not knowing if i'll ever be healthy again i love all of the time i've used to move my body become nothing i love spending my adulthood wasting away year after year for various reasons baby!
#i know i'm being dramatic and privileged etc etc right now but i hate living like this#i probably had covid in the beginning of august and since then my heart and lungs have just been fucked#so now i'm probably looking at at least 2 years of long covid and maybe permanent neurological damage#could i be lucky and get better in few more months? maybe. do i believe that will happen? no. optimistically maybe next summer id be better#my symptoms are not that bad considering what i know other people have suffered but at the same time that makes it feel not real#otherwise i'm pretty much fine except i feel like fainting alot after standing up or excerting myself and anything beyond walking#spikes my hr to 160 and right now even laying down my hr is around 80. this comes with the associated shortness of breath etc#what fucks me up about this is that my normal hr is low with my rhr being under 50bpm and i'm physically active#so basically i've went from regular running and half marathons being no issue to not being able to jog 1km at the slowest pace possible#without spiking my hr to zone 4#so now with the recovery time of this being however long if properly ever i'll have to basically start all over again with everything#i biked to the grocery store yesterday and that took me out for the rest of the day because my heart rate just didn't go down afterwards#outwards i look fine and i wouldn't be as affected if sports and moving wasn't a part of my life and relationships but it is#i've read studies about recovery times and a lot of them don't feel applicable because the test groups are either very different from me#based on the baseline health info such as activity levels or they're elite atheletes which i am not#some have given me hope that keeping my hr under like 130 by doing activities like walking until maybe someday things get better works#but who knows and even if it does this will be yet another thing that takes the littlest bits of muscle tissue i have on me away once again#because besides deconditioning muscle loss is yet another symptom. so i will be even weaker than i am right now#i don't know how much of what i'm experiencing in terms of mental effects is from anxiety over my physical health and how much is brainfog#but we'll see i'll just have to start walking a lot every day and keep up with simple and slow strenght training so i'll want to die less#i don't think my family will ever properly understand because almost all of them are athletes and the one who isn't never does any excercis#so either i just look like i'm weak but i was always weak so it's not a big deal or my experience isn't really that important#this is so so so pathetic both my reaction and the issue but it's difficult to not feel this way especially with the uncertainty#shit talking
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c0rpsedemon · 2 years
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it's 2023 and i'm still bitter about how kuroshitsuji, a complex slow burn mystery manga, got absolutely massacred by its shitty semi-episodic shota/fujobait anime adaptation
#like yeah the manga could be a bit questionable in the earlier parts (cough corset scene cough comedic relief grelle + soma & agni cough)#but almost all of that got retconned once yana toboso was allowed to have more creative freedom over her work#(and her editor's interference is something we Know had a p drastic effect on the series bc it Literally Gave Us Grelle (toboso wanted to#have a female jack the ripper but her editor said that if she did then she would've had to be working w a man. so in response toboso#decided that madam red's partner in crime would be as effeminate as possible so grelle was created in the vein of buffalo bill and then#only in her next appearance a few arcs later when the book of murder arc was over and done with was she acknowledged to be a trans woman#not the best situation for girlie overall but the manga started treating her much better over time + she slayed)#but the anime was on a whole different level s1 Literally ended while teasing a kiss between a grown adult and a 12 year old#and then s2 just made up random bullshit including a brand new 14 year old to ship bait w adults#and it doesn't help that whenever the series comes up everyone in the surrounding area becomes 50x more susceptible to false info#(see: undertaker's real name being shared around on an image that's literally watermarked by a TUMBLR HEADCANONS BLOG)#so there's a p decent subset of ppl who believe it was originally meant to be a yaoi (rumor that began from the same hc blog)#or that yana toboso is a shotacon (pr.osh.ippers on twt made that one up to try and win arguments)#i want the series to get the fmab treatment w a shiny new anime made by some1 other than a-1 pictures#bc we've seen what happens when they try and adapt the arcs that came out after they committed to the random bullshit plots of s1-2#in the form of the book of murder circus & atlantic ovas. which are excessively plain and just streamlined disconnected and heartless#renditions of the manga arcs which will make no sense to anyone who hasn't already read it. they're like ufotable's fate route ova but at#least that has higher production values and is somewhat visually interesting#romeo.txt
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cacw · 3 months
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wow so cute. NOT! who the hell do you think you are
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red-dyed-sarumane · 3 months
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people who think the only series songs are the ones directly tied to aru sekai shoushitsu by title are so funny. theres 11 songs and the same major motif is in all but 3 of them. but they dont have a certain kanji in the title so they must not be related right. "marshall maximizer & kanon are their own side thing" "kugutsu ashura isnt a series song" fascinated by this world view. kugutsu ashura is the outlier here so i'll get to that in a second but
aru sekai shoushitsu is the starting point & the reason we can pick out its a series & theorize about where its going. most people can pick out that kyuuyaku hankagai, shuuen touhikou, & oumen mokushiroku are series songs based on the fact their titles start with the same kanji that are emphasized in lines in aru sekai shoushitsu. which is true and great.
we also have the "nami no ne no yume wo miyou ame hodo no uruoi wo" melody that appears in most major & side songs & ultimately serves to distinguish which characters maintain a self of self and get to live and try again and which dont (those that lack the melody in their respective song.) it initially shows up as a repeated line in aru sekai shoushitsu & basically describes that whole concept of getting to continue or "being reborn" that it symbolizes. and then its in kyuuyaku hankagai at 4:51 mixed into the instrumental behind the vocals and more notably at 5:16, shuuen touhikou during the chorus at 1:20 2:34 & 2:47, oumen mokushiroku which is also the Only song where its sung & not apart of the instrumental aside from aru sekai shoushitsu itself at 2:30 & 2:51, unplanned apoptosis at 0:46 (very hard to make out because of the vocals if u listen to the instrumental only u can pick it out easier) & in the chorus at 0:57 1:07 2:17 & 2:26, marshall maximizer at 2:23, kanon at 2:19, and kannagi at 3:31 & 5:45.
that's of course not the only melody to denote a connection between songs there's also rute furute woa which is used exclusively in songs that happen in the past. it's in kyuuyaku hankagai behind the fractal wa kurikaeshita lines at 2:24 4:33 & 5:01 and more notably at 5:30, shuuen touhikou at the whole most of the song when theres not singing& also in behind the chorus at 1:06 2:13 & 2:22, kannagi as a lyric at 1:30 3:00 4:31 & 5:01, POSSIBLY oumen mokushiroku at 1:42 and POSSIBLY kugutsu ashura at 2:47 as the melody for the initial parts of those lines* *saying these two are possible because i know these parts sound like a series motif but its just different enough to keep me guessing. i'm continuing my research as we speak rest assured
and then there's not so much a melodic motif but the inclusion of a singular glass breaking noise thats a bit of a niche thing to notice & it creates a timeline for everything that happens after oumen mokushiroku, with the exception of unplanned apoptosis. marshall maximizer has it at 1:41, kanon at 0:22, laboratory at 2:42, and yamete kudasai at 0:00. oumen does not have this sound effect at its that song's events that break the glass (as told in kanon) and unplanned apoptosis does not have it bc the art implies it to being happening after the glass has already broken.
which leads us to only kugutsu ashura which lacks any immediately obvious motifs and yet is still a series song. it does not have the nami no ne no motif because thats reserved for characters who live or in series terms are "reborn with the next world" and she as both ashura and a puppet lacks her own "self" and her actions are not for her own gain or purposes. i do not believe its intended to be a future/present/modern song & is otherwise a bit estranged from the group that has the glass breaking noise in their songs so it makes sense that wouldnt be in the song. the only remaining thing would be the past motif & due to other details (how the lyrics are written, strong ties to shuuen touhikou & kyuuyaku hankagai, a few other minor things) it does seem to be intended to be a past song but the only place the motif could possibly be is in the last lyrics particularly the ugate ine sono rensa/ yagate mitsu sono koe wa/ mukae rinne sono mei wa/ ata e urufu sono sei wa parts sound a bit like a fragment of the rute furute woa melody. and in the event thats just me making things up because i have listened to every single one of these songs several thousand times without exaggeration, ignoring literally everything else the very last line in the song is mata ibuku you ni literally "so we may breathe again" which is a direct parallel to part of the lyrics in the nami no ne no part in aru sekai shoushitsu "umareyou mou ichido nakusedomo nai keredo/hodo ni" or "let's be born once more though there's no way to lose life/as though life can't be lost" which is a strong enough point to claim its a series song on its own. not to mention if u actually want to go digging into the wall of text that kugutsu ashura is (i dont. i did i once and keep putting off going thru it again even though i really need to) there're more connections to be made to other songs.
this isnt to say every hiiragi magnetite song is a series song because thats also not true. a lot of what makes series songs series songs is the wording; they have a lot more precise words to describe things & usually end up sounding odd if youre thinking of them as stand alone songs. compare to uni for example that, yeah sure it does talk about the rain which is also a series staple & major symbol, but its not a series song. its just a fun little song with comparatively simple lyrics that happens to take place when its raining.
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tevintersnakes · 4 months
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a quick comparison of a comparison I'd done last month (19-Apr-24) while getting back into the knack of drawing my guy
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arcaneyouth · 5 months
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it is So Weird how working on my comic makes me feel like i have more free time. and gives me more free time. logically, working on 3 comic pages a week would mean i have Less Time. but no. despite everything, i'm getting more done and able to use my time better now that i'm working on comic pages again. what the hell is up with that.
#it's probably the structure and routine tbh i've been doing this for 6 years#i feel way less stressed about all the stuff i have to do than the 2 months i wasn't working on the comic#and arguably i have more to do now!!!!!#there's just so many little things that working on my comic helps me with. vital part of my daily and weekly structure#1) gives me a Main Goal to focus on every week and it's a goal that i know is achievable#2) gives me things to do almost every day that i am able to get started on right away and then will have free time later when i'm done#3) on days i'm not working on it i feel more comfortable doing things for fun or completing smaller tasks#4) because it's a weekly schedule i actually know what day it is now. completely lost track of the days before. made me really scared tbh#5) actually allows me to relax. the way i make pages means it's a lil bit mindless half the time. which is nice#i spent most of the last 2 months when i wasn't making comic in bed. because i had nothing else to do#now i am not doing that! because even when i'm not working on pages i have the motivation to do things!#this is an ironic post to make when i've spent like 6-7 hours today just playing fathomverse#but that's the thing!!!! instead of hating myself for doing that i still feel like i can get shit done!#also i already knew all this about making comics and how i function but. man idk how to put this#i spent the last 2 months struggling to do fucking Anything#and it was after i was so sure i could handle taking a break from the comic#and it was after lots of people have told me i need to put the comic down and get a job#or do anything that isn't making a comic#i have been working on the comic again for 9 days. and already everything feels more manageable#i literally Need to have projects like this. if i dont i will lose my mind. nobody tell me i need to do other things with my life ever agai
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thedreadvampy · 2 years
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hey fun thing. fun thing I'm experiencing lately. is that the case which every terf journo in the fucking UK is freaking themselves about FINALLY being able to put on the front page - trans woman convicted of rape sent to women's prison - is uhhhhhhhh. really close to home? emotionally? for me? and it's on every fucking newsstand????
(obviously transparent as fuck every time that everyone's suddenly so concerned about the wellbeing of women in prison when all the same publications are usually in the CRIMINAL SCUM PRISONS ARE TOO SOFT TRAIN but OKAY. OKAY. since you suddenly care so much about female prisoners shall we uhhhhh idk address the rate of sexual assaults by guards? police? other cisgender prisoners? maybe rethink the whole 'prison' thing as a whole? oh this is just about how you think trans women are scary again? cool. cool cool cool.)
#red said#the commonality. not to overshare. is that i was raped in 2013 by someone who then went to court in 2015-16 following another incident#and that was a wake-up call for her about her increasingly bad drug and alcohol use and blackouts (which was what happened in both cases)#and so she started self examining on that and partway through the case she realised she was trans#and the thing is i know this bc despite what she did we were still friends by the time it went to court#i was a supporting witness because my experience was used as evidence that it was a pattern of out of control behaviour#anyway it dragged on for a while. even longer bc she was a us national in the us military so the civil case was dropped but#there was also a military investigation#which i didn't have to provide evidence for in the end but i was on the hook not knowing if i would need to for like. another 2 years.#anyway the transition aside there's a lot else about this case which resonates with my experience during that time???#and it sucked a lot going through that case and i would prefer not to have to think about it every time i pop to the fucking supermarket???#(also this is gonna sound bad but the thing i resent most about that whole affair was that during the case and her early transition#she leant on me for support a LOT? so i was doing all this trauma reliving and giving witness statements but also before and after that#she called me almost every day to talk about the toll it was taking on her. and i was like. i think you're right to talk about this#and i think you need support right now#but i also think. it's fucking wild that you think I'm the person to offer that when i just told you you assaulted me in a drunken blackout#like. my big Sick Trauma Feeling memories from that time are a) court and b) Oh No My Phone Is Ringing Again#anyway. this is a big trauma dump that may be misinterpreted which is why i don't talk about the case that much?#but this is part of why i hate terfs so much. the insistence on treating an individual's shit behaviour as condemnation of All Trans People#makes it Really Fucking Hard for those of us who've experienced individual shitty behaviour from a trans person#but recognise that that's just a statistical probability based on how many people do shitty things in the population at large#to talk about harm we've experienced without being coopted to a genocidal narrative
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bootyful-seventeen · 7 months
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Cozy rooms can be a double edged sword cuz one hand it is my sanctuary but on the other hand it relaxes me so much I never wanna move unless necessary
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ozlices · 7 months
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the p in proseka stands for PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE
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britneyshakespeare · 10 months
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you know i mentioned last night that i realized only *after* i started rereading david copperfield that since i recently became an aunt, i was gonna see the story from a whole new angle and start relating more to betsey trotwood. i didn't even think about how at salem house i was gonna be poor mr. mell...
#i mean i didnt really think about mr. mell much because he's more of a minor character#he doesnt come back throughout david's life like steerforth or traddles or emily or agnes or#or or or all these other dozen major characters#in fact i only think of salem house as a minor part of the book. the shit we gotta get through to get to aunt betsey again#in a sense i cant wait to be done with it again#but oh my god reading about the rowdy schoolroom and how he's hardly managing to handle his stress#MEEEEE!!!!!! ME AN EDUCATOR#diana rereads david copperfield#literally just let me fucking play my flute badly in peace#you know i really have grown up a lot in the past 5 years bc all the adults used to just be caricatures to me#in the sense that all of dickens' characters are kind of caricatures. theyre exaggerated and silly#whether theyre supposed to be archetypal good or bad people.#because the way dickens uses hyperbole. sometimes it's just too true!#like the assholery of steerforth. how disingenuous but charming and persuasive he can be#that is SO true to how it feels to look up to older people as a young child. david copperfield's yielding to him is so realistic#david copperfield's own childish innocence throughout the early chapters seems comical but is emotionally true to how childhood feels.#these were the parts of the novel that resonated with me very deeply at 19. and they still do#but oh now. now i understand the position of the working adults. especially since i work w kids now how different it all feels.#and have worked w kids for several years too. but only about a year after reading dc. actually almost 2 years#im one of the bumbling incompetent adults. oh dear. oh lord.
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