#parody of a skit...? I guess?

[superfurytamago]

Every Japanese comedy reference in Jujutsu Kaisen chapters 240 and 241

EDIT: Added one more reference to Audrey that I completely missed out when I was writing this post. Putting my self-proclaimed Japanese comedy otaku title to shame!

I was a Japanese comedy otaku way before I got into manga and anime, which is why I get way too excited whenever I spot Japanese comedy references in other forms of media. Granted, the plot is totally coherent even without knowing the references, but please indulge me as I find myself a rare opportunity to talk about Japanese comedians. All English panels are sourced from Manga Plus and Japanese panels are my own digital copies.

Preface about Japanese comedians

Japanese comedians usually form duos called "combi" in Japanese. Some may form trios or even quartets, but duos make up the overwhelming majority. Solo comedians are becoming more common, but like Takaba, most if not all of them had started out as a duo that didn't work out over time.

Nabe Nabe Entertainment and Pony

Reference to Watanabe Entertainment, a major entertainment agency in Japan. The most famous comedian group under Watanabe's management will be the comedic trio Neptune, and the above panels reference them indirectly as well.

Another talent management agency mentioned is Pony, which is a reference to Sony Music Artists Inc (SMA). Yes, they manage comedians as well lol. Agencies have distinct styles of management, which eventually shows in the type of comedians they manage. Kenjaku assumes that Takaba is with Pony because SMA has managed to propel an impressive number of solo comedians to fame despite the comparatively smaller scale of management. They also lean more slapstick than the "cooler" forms like skits and monologues. In fact, Takaba reminds me of Koume Dayū:

Laughing Dog? Vocabula?

Both Laughing Dog (Warau Inu) and Vocabula (Vocabula Tengoku) were incredibly popular variety TV serial programmes that Neptune appeared in during the 1990s and early 2000s. Takaba admires Neptune, which is why he chooses to sign with Nabe Nabe rather than Pony, even if the latter may actually manage him better.

Kenjaku wondered for a second why Takaba didn't cite Vocabula as the reason he admires Neptune, because Vocabula was the one that gave Neptune their shot to fame, and they absolutely reached superstar levels of fame during the time. Laughing Dog came later, when they were already established as household names.

The reason why Kenjaku walked back on it with "I guess that's obvious enough" has to do with the nature of the two programmes. Laughing Dog was a sketch comedy programme like Chappelle's Show, while as the name may suggest, Vocabula focused on wordplays, puns, and parodies. Comedians were voted based on how they performed the jokes. Here's a short clip of Neptune on Vocabula:

While here's a sketch from Laughing Dog (the second, third, and fourth green leaves members are Neptune lol):

Of course Takaba was inspired by Laughing Dog, "I guess that's obvious enough".

Backbone! My backbone!

An actual short gag (ippatsu gag or lit. one-shot gag) by Haranishi from the duo FUJIWARA:

It's not the first time Akutami has referenced an actual short gag in the series. Perhaps you may remember Itadori's unfortunate reunion scene at the sister school goodwill event:

This is a gag from Kojima Yoshio:

You have my condolences, Itadori.

Comedians and auditions

Kenjaku is dressed like a stereotypical TV producer here. This dates back to Japan's asset price bubble; during which, tying a cardigan over the shoulders was a staple look among TV producers and directors. In this scene, Takaba is auditioning like he would for a part in a variety TV show. Struggling comedians like Takaba often audition for variety shows that showcase a series of comedic skits or manzai. Pass the audition and you get a spot to perform on national TV.

Comedians and theatre

Most comedians who don't get their big breaks on TV spend a large part of their careers in small theatres. A typical comedy show consists of several groups of comedians performing their skits or manzai, and the theatre will hand out feedback forms like the above. It seems like Takaba used to go by the stage name Pinchan.

P-1? C-1?

The fictional C-1 is a reference to an actual long-running competition M-1 Grand Prix, while the fictional P-1 which Takaba mentioned earlier is a reference to another competition R-1 Grand Prix. M-1 is restricted to manzai performed by two people or more, while R-1 is open to solo comedians only. There are several important annual comedy competitions in Japan. Winning these big-name competitions is usually the ticket to fame for many comedians, but even then it may not work out for everyone.

Idol shows

It has become customary to have established Japanese comedians host Japanese girl groups TV shows, and I pretty much agree with Takaba's take on why. If you're a fan of idol groups like Morning Musume, AKB48, Nogizaka46, or Idoling!!!, then you would be familiar with Japanese comedians like Ninety-Nine, Ariyoshi Hiroiki, Bananaman, and Bakarhythm.

By the way, Takaba was watching TV while eating cup noodles after the above panel. The lines are from a well-known manzai performed by comedy duo Audrey. This particular joke with them going "hehehe" at each other is a staple in their early manzai:

In fact, take a closer look at the apartment that Takaba lives in. It's based on the actual apartment Kasuga (pink vest guy on the right) used to live in, named Mutsumi-sō. His shabby apartment and extremely thrifty lifestyle had been featured in many variety TV shows in the past. He lived there for more than 20 years, and the apartment was actually quite a tourist spot for fans of Audrey. Kasuga's Japanese Wikipedia article even has a photo of it as seen below, which is what I think Akutami referenced from. The interior is largely based on Kasuga's apartment as well:

Bonus Japanese comedy!

Akutami has taken inspiration from actual Japanese comedians in the past. In chapter 153, two of the spectators look eerily like comedy duo Sandwichman:

And how can we forget Ken, the fellow comedian who gave Takaba advice in chapter 146:

He's based on Kendo Kobayashi, and if you've seen images/clips of Akutami dressed up as Mechamaru, that was when he went on Kenkoba's show:

Wow that was long. Thanks for indulging the squealing Japanese comedy fan in me!

[stitched-mouth]

List of Every Brandon Rogers Characters Ever

I don’t know why I did this. It took 4 hours. I haven’t seen ever Brandon Rogers video (shocking, I know) so some are missing. I purposely didn’t add any parody characters (the Kardashians, Annabell, M3GAN etc), but if you notice any BRCU characters missing, please comment so I can add them.

And obviously the characters not credited are played by Brandon Rogers.

David July is credited as David Burton on this list. I’m not sure when they changed their name, as they are credited as both on Brandon’s videos.

I can’t remember who Debbie and Doyle are but I must of put them on this list for a reason

Main Characters

Sam

Bryce Tankthrust

Bobby Worst

Blame/Sebastian/ Grandpa

Elmer

Cathy

Karen

Helen Brownstein

Stuff & Sam

Donna Phitts (Paulette Jones)

Damien (Onision)

Ms Cunney (Monique Parent)

Blame the Hero

Young Donna Phitts (Alariza Nevarez)

Duke Tuggler (Anthony Padilla)

Coach Best (Jack Plotnick)

Skinny Bitch (Kornbread Jeté)

Dill Flippo (Jonathan Hinman)

Family Doctor Office

Dr Gupta

Nurse Kavi (Nandini Minocha)

Lipschtiz the Clown (Paulette Jones)

Surgeon Miller (Jude B. Lanston)

Nurse Hole (Georgina Leahy)

Patient (Adam Neylan)

Another Patient (Jonathan Hinman)

Daniel (Jess Weaver)

Daniel’s Mother (Christine Sydelko)

Mad tea party

Mad Hatter

Cheshire Cat (Bazil)

White Rabbit (Benjamin Alexander Hall)

The Jabberwocky (Natalie Hawkins)

Flower (Jordan)

No one was credited in this video and most were personal friends of Brandon’s and not content creators so are nearly impossible to find. I had to stalk Brandon’s Insta to find these people.

BTW, Bazil (who plays Cheshire Cat) is a trans man who goes by he/him. Just letting people know because people are misgendering him and I assume it’s because they don’t know his pronouns.

Theatre Class

Alex Rimmer

Mason Lucas (Salim Razawi)

Oliver Hamilton (Stephen Weighill)

Linda Starford (Janet McCarroll)

Karen Shou (Karen Fokes)

Jamie (Adam Neylan)

Marlena Lewton (Rachael Ferris)

Dean Shaft (Tony Rogers)

Trump’s Emotions

Joy

Anger (Stephen James)

Disgust, Fear and Sadness were not credited in this skit and I can’t guess with all the makeup or find them.

Fashion

Jurgen Klausvonschwitz

Damien Ditsin (Logan Bubar)

Gretchen (Paulette Jones)

Sookilah (Judyth Brooke)

Dolorio (Devyne Carr)

Cheap Skate

Luxy

Lost Boy (Adam Neylan)

Chick Flick (the first Brandon Roger’s Video I ever watched)

Ashley

Ashley’s Best Friend (Vincent Marcus)

Ashley’s Crush / Cop (Jon Cozart)

Ashley’s Mom (Christine Sykdelko)

Teacher (Jude B. Lanston)

Doctor (Jonathan Hinman)

The Real Patient/ Dick’s Owner (Skye Williams)

The Real Patient’s Wife (Adam Neylan)

5 Year Old (Paulette Jones)

Since this video is now restricted on YouTube, I did this one from memory. I can’t believe I remember all these characters and actors. Thank God I rewatched it like a billion times when I first found it.

Mad funhouse

Mr Marbles/ Arlo

Dave (Jess Weaver)

Cliff (TJ Smith)

Sacha (Elise Christian)

Jimmy (Alex Diehl)

Manjusha (Nandini Minocha)

Mr Chronis (Jude Lanston)

Nuclear family

Barbara

Frank

Daniel/ Echo Noir

Unnamed Daughter

Devontay (?) (Devyne Carr)

The Office

Dorian Ditsin

James Shaft (Stephen Rezza)

Vishalam Rangan (Natalie Hawkins)

Jimmy Rustler (Benjamin Hall)

Craig Dildon (Stephen James)

Ernie (Seth Munson)

Diesel (David Burton)

Kevin (Davis Benz)

Regina (Georgina Leahy)

British Family/ The Mingeworthys

Lord Mingeworthy

Lady Mingeworthy (Georgina Leahy)

Cockwaddle (David Burton)

James (Davis Benz)

Blood & Makeup

Blah Blah the Clown

Whoopsie Wendy (Elise Christian)

Dumb Bitch Linda (Kornbread Jeté)

Blonde Bitch (David Burton)

Percy the Pervert (Adam Neylan)

Christmas Family/ The Hendersons

Patty Henderson

Paul Henderson (Stephen James)

Shelby Henderson (Caleb Shorey)

Unnamed Daughter (Elise Christian)

Spike (Logan Bubar)

The Devil (Paulette Jones)

Uncle Frank (Gabriel Gonzalez)

Notice how often Brandon forgets to name the daughter in his skits 👀?

Silly Cat

Clifton

Lenny/ Daddy (Jon Cozart)

Dr Williams (Sky Williams)

Wild West

Lucius Cowpussy

Vivian Delonprix (Georgina Leahy)

Map Maker Milton (Logan Bubar)

Lesbians

Darlene

Kathleen (Adam Neylan)

Power (David Burton)

Rock (Georgina Leahy)

Damien (?) (Logan Bubar)

Cheaters

Trina

Delilah

Gustavo

Unnamed Husband

Sleep Paralysis Demons

Felix

Iris (Paulette Jones)

Chad (Gary Nohealii Neil)

The Laundromat

Clyde Can

Bart (Joel Haver)

Debra (Mitsy Sanderson)

Barbara Ditliminor (?) (Adam Neylan)

The North Pole (included this group for fun)

Santa Clause

Mrs Clause (Christine Sydelko)

Gingerbread Man (Jude B. Lanston)

Female Elf (Georgina Leahy)

Male Elf (David Burton)

Head Elf (Kornbread Jeté)

Jesus (Jess Weaver)

Rudolph (Paulette Jones)

Tiny Tim (Jack Plotnick)

Characters I Didn’t Know Where To Put

Suck (Dominiq Badiyo)

Swallow (David Burton)

Beatrice Brownstein (Paulette Jones)

Judey Patoody (Jude B. Lanson)

Gloria Goopty (Kornbread Jeté)

Courtney (Liam Krug)

Ryder (Kassius Marcil-Green)

Barbara Worst (Katie Johnson)

American boyfriend (Ben Furney)

Ignaolo (Gabriel Gonzalez)

Debbie (Trevor Wallace)

Doyle (Trevor Wallace)

Carol Cox

Japanese Girlfriend

Deeno

Flint Dicker

Delmar Lysol

Humanoid Simulation XL-57692/ Simian

Double Licker Leroy

Paisley

Hole Bros

Rafał Sanchez Dimelo

Noah

Bryce is my favourite

[verosvault]

🚨SPOILERS FOR FANTASY HIGH JUNIOR YEAR EPISODE 2!!!🚨

Dimension20 "Fantasy High Junior Year"

Episode 2 "Summer Breakdown"

Timestamp: 2:20:57

Video Length: 2min. & 24sec.

Fig's Sophomore Year Album!

"Get under that hood a little;

Yorbies to my left, Yorbies to my right;

So tactical, so late;

Balthazar (parody song of 'How Bizarre')"

💀💀💀😂😂😂

People LOVE skits on albums! 😂😂🤣🤣

"Does no one respect the fact that it takes time to save the world?" ~Fig

"I guess not" ~Adaine

[ravings-of-a-mad-scientist]

Sorry if I don't answer asks right away, I don't always have time or am in the right headspace to be able to meet my standard of quality, or are just anxious. I'll get to it eventually, and I appreciate everything. Most things on my blogs are queued.

Also, I have a side blog called @ravings-of-a-mad-scientist-2 for reblogs, replies, and miscellaneous thingos so that the main blog doesn't get cluttered, FOLLOW IT NOW!

My new "main" blog is @erose-this-name, it's not at all like these other two blogs! (I also write psych horror scifi) FOLLOW ME, OR BE SUBSUMED INTO THE VALLEY OF FLESH!

Tags:

#asks - I love getting asks and messages (eventually)!

#scientists sitcom - funny skits involving -ologists, very funny, very popular

#mad scientist - You see my blog's name, right? You know what website this is? What do you think is my stance on mad scientists?

#chemiballs - like countryballs, but elements and chemicals!

#hero x villain - I guess this tag is it's whole own thing, but I do them because I think it's kinda funny to make short skits parodying the heroes to lovers genre involving characters that are parodies of comic book and romance tropes.

[mokonahapuuuuuu]

Powers - a comedy parody sketch

Inspired by rewatching Little Kuriboh again. he always made skits outside of the episodes, so yeah. Here it is. 

There is a big heatwave here in my city and this is sort of going to be rough, so yeah. 

——— 

Jay was mad. 

He was raging. 

“Jay, what’s got you so worked up today?” asked Theresa. 

“Oh, yeah, I’m mad today. I’m mad that everyone else but me has a stupid power on this show…!” 

He looked towards the rest of the team. 

“Theresa, you can see the future. Herry, you lift heavy stuff. Odie is smart. Neil, you’re lucky. Atlanta is fast. Archie has super immunity. That’s basically like standing around doing nothing. Belle, all you do is summon a horse. A BLEEP-ing horse!” 

“That’s Pegasus to you, and he can fly,” said Belle. 

“And what did the writers do?” continued Jay. “They did nothing but make me sail. Is that all I’m good for? The guy that just sails?” 

Theresa tried to be the supportive girlfriend. “But it’s something you’re really good at.” 

“What the BLEEP is that suppose to mean? But I’m thinking I’m starting to know why you all have a power, and I don’t.” He broke the silence. “I’m the only hero not descended by a god.” 

“Actually, Jason and Odysseus are both descended from Hermes,” said Odie. “So actually we’re related.” 

“We’re… we’re related?” he stammered. 

“All the Gods are related, so basically, that makes us all related, too,” said Herry. 

“Well, then…” said Jay. “Guess I’ll see you all at the family reunion.” 

[swiftyangx12]

Usual Night at VP HQ [Valorant SNL Parody #2]

[Synopsis]: Brimstone, Sage, and Viper are trying to subdue Reyna due to her Radianite abilities going haywire. Special guest: a sleep-deprived agent, [Y/N].

Gender Neutral Reader

[A/N]: Me, and my dumb-goofed mind imagining serious characters in silly situations like this. I have been laughing hysterically from this skit since the first time. Also be warned for Reyna’s part where she spoke Spanish as it may not be an accurate response.

[Intro starts with the VP Headquarters experiencing a rain storm.]

[Infirmary, 12:05 a.m.]

[Reyna has been acting violently while recovering from a previous mission.]

Sage: Viper, can you save her? Can you save Reyna in this condition?

Viper: I can’t. We don’t have enough resources to stabilize her and the next shipment is in the next 24 hours.

Reyna: *Convulsing* You will rot in Hell~ *Blabbering like a demon*

Brimstone: Reyna, hear us now. We know you’re still in there.

[Somebody knocked on the door.]

Sage: Who could be knocking at this hour?

[Door slides open to reveal someone.]

[Y/N]: *Sleep-deprived* Uh, hello? It’s the middle of the night. What is all the ruckus?

Sage: Oh, Viper. This is our recent recruit, Agent [Y/N] or Agent Shaw.

[Y/N]: Yeah, and I “Shaw’ve” been asleep 45 minutes ago. But I guess y’all decided to throw a party on a Tuesday.

Viper: This is not a party, Agent [Y/N].

Brimstone: It’s Reyna. She became unstable after her last mission.

Sage: We’re waiting for more resources to aid her.

[Y/N]: You don’t have to wait to them. I’ll do it.

Brimstone, Sage, & Viper: Do what?

[Y/N]: Stabilizing Reyna. I’m getting my sleep tonight.

Reyna: AAAHHHH!!!!

[Y/N]: BLAAAHHHH!!!! See I can do it too, ‘kay? You don’t scare me, your highness.

Viper: [Y/N], you should be cautious. You’re in it over your head.

[Y/N]: In over my head? I’ll have you know I have been a paramedic in the Detroit area for 5 years before joining the Protocol. That’s thousands of patients. Everyday I am the only thing stopping raging alcoholics from getting sent straight to Hell by a UPS truck. Now where’s the anesthesia?

Viper: *Passes them the syringe*

[Y/N]: Okay hello!

Reyna: *Demon noises*

[Y/N]: Yeah okay. You need to get yourself together, Reyna.

Reyna: *More demon noises*

[Y/N]: Uh uh uh uh! Use your words.

Reyna: Suck my ass!

[Y/N]: No, ma’am, I don’t do all that. I’m in a committed relationship and that’s it.

Sage: Maybe we should wait for the other sources, Agent Shaw.

[Y/N]: Oh no no no no no no. I need to get my eight hours.

[Then Reyna starts levitating up from her bed.]

[Y/N]: Oh. Uh-oh. Wh-Where’s she going?

Reyna: *Aggravated* You’re going to Hell, you stupid whore.

[Y/N]: Stupid what now? Oh honey, you gonna have to do much better than that. Yesterday, a Mirror Neon called me a washed-up nurse. So I shot a bullet straight into her head. What else you got? Come on.

Reyna: You’re an ugly…Uh…Umm…¿Cómo diablos se supone que debo llamarte?

[Y/N]: Umm? Umm? What? Look at you, stuttering. Now sir your ass down before I turn on the ceiling fan.

Reyna: *Levitates down to her bed*

[Y/N]: Mhm! That’s what I thought.

Viper: *Bewildered by everything* I don’t believe this.

Brimstone: Oh my god. Is it working?

[Y/N]: Yeah, it is. That is exactly what I thought.

Reyna: *Exhausted from not turning into a full-on demon* I’m drained…

Viper: She’s exhausted. Quick, we need a soul to feed her.

[Y/N]: Oh, yeah, okay. I gotcha. I got you a soul, all right. *Puts on a call while on speaker* Yoru! Get your ass in the infirmary, Yoru!

Yoru: *Speaking through* Urgh…[Y/N], what do you want? I’m trying to sleep.

[Y/N]: Oh, you’re trying to sleep, but you’re talking? Just bring the hostage to where I’m located at.

[Reyna starts levitating again, causing the others to panic.]

[Y/N]: And Reyna, your ass better not be levitating back there.

Reyna: *Levitates back down* Sorry, Agent Shaw…

[Y/N]: Mhm. Thank you, your highness.

Yoru: *Exits through a rift and gripping on a hostage* Waking my ass up at 9 p.m. in the middle of the night.

[Y/N]: We’re stabilizing Reyna and she needs a soul to feed on, Yoru.

Yoru: Yeah, and I “Shaw’ve” been asleep 47 minutes ago.

[Y/N]: Yeah, we know, babe. Now bring the dirty-ass traitor to Reyna. We already got intel from them.

Brimstone: I didn’t know about the traitor.

Sage: Neither did I.

Yoru: Why would I want to do that?

[Y/N]: Yoru. If you don’t do it, I’ll cancel our “intense Mario Kart date night” next week.

Yoru: *Finally gives in* Fine. You win. *Drags the frightened hostage to Reyna* Do your worst. *Throws the traitor to her and runs back to [Y/N]*

Reyna: *Consumes the soul from the traitor* *GASP!* Dios mio…What just happened? Why are Agent [Y/N] and Yoru in here? “Shawdn’t” they be asleep?

Sage: Oh my goodness. Agent Shaw, we can’t thank you enough.

[Y/N]: Mhm. Yeah. That’s all good. Uh you’ll sleep tight now. Come on, Yoru.

Yoru: You owe me one.

[Y/N]: Don’t worry. I’ll return the “favor.”

[Both Yoru and [Y/N] leave the infirmary.]

[Reblogs helps creators and creates for more content]

[Tagged]: @hhurric4ne @monin1ca @luckyowl

[cryingyetcourageous]

How do you think your version of the character would react to meeting their canon-self?

[ohohooo He'd be embarrassed! ^^;

The way I see it, Hetalia is a comedy that exaggerates and goes overboard, with a few moments of more lowkey, down-to-earth emotions mixed in. I reverse that, trying to be realistic most of the time, but amping it up on occasion for comedic effect.

That being said, I try to base him off canon! Canon is where I fell in love with these characters, and there are so many oft-overlooked details in the writing that hint to deeper characterization. I like canon a lot except English dub. fuck english dub... I tweak pieces based on history/culture, but overall, he is the slightly more realistic version of a caricature in so much as building a train from trial and error in only a week can be realistic, bc I refuse to let that go. gimme my improbable ultra-genius.

So, uh... meeting his canon-self would feel like getting called out. It's like seeing a parody of yourself in a skit. It's all of his traits, but exaggerated or played for comedy. It's more him than he is. It'd make him second-guess himself because it clearly is him, but also too much, so is he too much?

[new-sandrafilter]

Timothée Chalamet and Taylor Russell Will Eat You Alive: How ‘Bones and All’ Became the Year’s Sexiest Cannibal Love Story

By Nick Vivarelli Photographs by Jason Hetherington

Timothée Chalamet has been on a wilder world tour than most rock stars.

Between shooting “Dune: Part Two” in Budapest and “Wonka” in London and the cannibal romance “Bones and All” in Ohio, he’s hardly had time to sleep in his own bed. “We did the ‘French Dispatch’ premiere in Cannes,” he says about the debut of the Wes Anderson comedy in the south of France two summers ago, where he walked the red carpet in a silver suit. “And then I was immediately doing the vocal and dance training at Leavesden” — to take on the role of Roald Dahl’s Willy Wonka — “which was wonderful, because I went from playing a disenfranchised cannibal on the outskirts of American society in the ’80s to a gifted young chocolatier and now a space prophet.”

On this afternoon, 26-year-old Chalamet is taking a break from inhabiting the dangerous planet Arrakis in “Dune: Part Two” to attend the London premiere of “Bones and All.” The drama, which premiered to a 10-minute standing ovation at the Venice Film Festival in early September reteams Chalamet with Luca Guadagnino, the Italian director who turned him into a movie star with 2017’s Sundance darling “Call Me by Your Name.” That gay romance, in which Chalamet plays Elio, an American teenager who falls in love with an older man, not only made Chalamet, then 22, the second-youngest best actor Oscar nominee in history, it gave peach emojis a whole new reason for existing.

If “Bones and All” could be just as culturally relevant, Hollywood would breathe a sigh of relief — because the world of indie cinema could use a jolt. Some 20 years ago, a generation of movie lovers funded art-house theaters by supporting “Boogie Nights,” “Memento” and “The Virgin Suicides.” Now, the 2022 equivalent of storytelling like that is HBO’s “Euphoria.” Post-pandemic box office numbers are sharply down, particularly for smaller movies, which is why United Artists Releasing has given “Bones and All” a Nov. 18 theatrical release: It’s the same window in which almost all installments of the “Twilight” saga dropped, setting multiplexes on fire as teen girls showed up in droves for Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson.

When I meet Chalamet in a hotel room in London, the young actor offers to pour me a glass of sparkling water as we sit down for a conversation with Guadagnino and Chalamet’s co-star, Taylor Russell. Hollywood has had a deficit of movie stars lately, particularly in the 20-something age bracket. Chalamet’s superstar appeal has always been in his “soft boy” aesthetic (which was famously parodied in a hilarious “Saturday Night Live” skit by Chloe Fineman). His fans like that he’s approachable, but he can also turn it up like royalty on a carpet — as he did at the Venice premiere of “Bones and All” in a red jumpsuit with a bare back that created a commotion on the Lido. Chalamet was showered with more cheers than even Harry Styles, who touched down in Italy at the start of awards season for “Don’t Worry Darling.” (Despite speculation on Twitter, Styles didn’t spit on Chris Pine.)

At Venice, Chalamet made headlines when he proclaimed that it’s “tough to be alive” in the age of social media, adding, “I think societal collapse is in the air.” When asked to elaborate on this assertion in London, he backpedals: “I think what I was saying was really, ‘What would it be like to grow up now?’” he says. “I guess I’m still growing up. Especially in the context of my career, I’m still growing. But I think Taylor and my generation was really the level-one social media — Vine, MySpace. And I think now it’s just more ingrained. But I’m definitely not the authority on the subject. And, equally, it could be a great space to find your people.”

I’d taken my 14-year-old daughter with me to the premiere of “Bones and All,” and we watched the screaming hysteria around Chalamet. When the movie premiered six weeks later in Milan, hundreds of Chalamet’s devotees — his followers are known as the “Chalamaniacs” — swarmed the venue, forcing police to close down the red carpet due to safety concerns. Such fandom harks back to the early days of Leo, Matt, George and Brad.

“Venice — that was fun,” Chalamet says, though “fame,” to people of his generation, is a dirty word, and Chalamet clearly wants to be seen as a regular guy (for instance, he continued to ride the subway in New York after “Call Me by Your Name” premiered). “I enjoy those moments,” he says, “and have a lot of gratitude for them. And I definitely never want to be expectant about it.” Abruptly switching subjects, he adds, “And, I must say, I get very excited about the lens we made this movie through — that there’s a fable and a metaphor at the heart of it, not some massive corporate interest.”

An arty New York City kid at heart, Chalamet chooses his own looks, including the black leather Celine jacket he wears at our photo shoot. As for his thoughts on cinema, he has a soft spot for indie films. “Those are the kind of projects that I grew up loving,” he says. “Even just on the music side, those are the kind of artists that inspire me — not because there’s a beat per minute that places well in the Top 40, but because they’re just putting their artistic ethos on something.”

Chalamet knows a little something about music. At the famed LaGuardia High School, he had the rap moniker Lil Timmy Tim. An uncovered video of him rapping about statistics class while wearing a backward baseball cap has been watched 10 million times on YouTube. Soon, he’ll be returning to those roots (sort of) by channeling a young Bob Dylan in “Going Electric,” a biopic directed by James Mangold.

Although there have been starts and stops with “Going Electric” since it was first announced two years ago, Chalamet confirms that he’s still attached. “I haven’t stopped preparing, which has been one of the greatest gifts for me,” he says. “It’s been a wonderful experience getting to dive into that world, whether we get to make it or not. But without giving anything away — because I don’t want to beat anyone to the punch, and obviously things have to come together officially — the winds that are blowing are blowing in a very positive direction.”

Before that, fans will get a taste of Chalamet’s musical gifts in “Wonka,” which is set to open in theaters around Christmas 2023. Chalamet trained hard for the movie’s seven musical numbers. “That was something I was very excited to jump into right away,” he says. Director Paul King “built a literal dance studio in one of the lots at Leavesden in London at Warner Bros.,” he adds.

The actor’s career blossomed after “Call Me by Your Name,” with two dramas directed by Greta Gerwig — “Lady Bird” and “Little Women.” And then he landed the lead as Paul Atreides in the “Dune” franchise, his biggest hit to date.

“Dune: Part Two,” which he’s filming now, reunites him with “Little Women” co-star Florence Pugh. “We were joking on set that we keep doing these movies, and we end up together even though we should be ending up with different people,” he says. “Florence is really special. She’s an incredible actor. She was incredible in ‘Dune’ — seriously incredible. She brought a gravitas to the role. And I can’t believe my good fortune at this young age … between Taylor Russell in ‘Bones and All’ and Zendaya in ‘Dune.’ And Austin Butler’s in that movie too.”

Zendaya will have a larger role in the second “Dune,” reprising her part as the warrior Chani. “She hasn’t wrapped yet,” he says, “and it’s amazing. She’s bringing exactly what she brought to the first one — which was incredible — but in greater abundance. And she’s really become a sister. I’m so grateful to count her as a partner and a sister and a friend” — he looks over at Guadagnino — “and also to share stories about how amazing it is to work with Luca, because we worked with him back to back on wildly different projects.” He’s referencing the fact that Zendaya collaborated with Guadagnino on “Challengers,” a romantic comedy set in the tennis world, which is in postproduction.

“He saw the movie,” Guadagnino teases, goading Chalamet to comment.

Chalamet hesitates, not wanting to give away anything about the film. “Loved it,” he finally says. His smile lights up the room.

If we’re being honest, this Oscar season has been a bit boring. Between the period pieces and the dramas made from memoirs, most directors aren’t cutting too deep. So perhaps we shouldn’t count out a love story about two cannibals who eat their way through the back roads of America.

The conventional wisdom is that blood and guts is too much for most Academy voters, but Guadagnino is here to tell you that’s not always the case. “In the history of the Oscars, cannibalism has been a gigantic plus,” he says. He then lists the five Academy Awards handed to the greatest flesh-eating masterpiece of all time, “The Silence of the Lambs.” “There’s a very tough novel, the talented script and Sir Anthony Hopkins as the unforgettable cannibal.” He cites the film’s director, Jonathan Demme, as a strong influence on his own career.

“I’m not comparing myself or us to that masterpiece,” he says. (OK, maybe he is, just a little.) “But that was a love story like ‘Bones and All.’ It was a fun, twisted love story between a cannibal psychoanalyst and a very stern woman who wants to save herself by saving this other girl from the lair of a serial killer.”

If you’re raising your eyebrows at someone describing “Silence of the Lambs” as “fun,” you haven’t met Guadagnino. The tall, chatty Italian director has spent his entire life obsessing over Dario Argento’s horror classic “Suspiria.” Following “Call Me by Your Name,” Guadagnino directed an elegant remake, in which flesh is ripped and heads explode.

Now, he’s reunited with Chalamet on “Bones and All, which is not quite the next “Silence of the Lambs” but more along the lines of Terrence Malick’s “Badlands” or Baz Luhrmann’s “Romeo + Juliet.” In “Bones,” Chalamet and Russell play Lee and Maren, teenage misfits in the 1980s, who find each other in a roadside convenience store as they’re both drifting across the Midwest. As they travel together, they feed on strangers they meet along the way.

But just don’t compare cannibals to vampires with this crew. “I love the ‘Twilight’ movies so much,” says Russell, who broke out in 2019 with a heart-wrenching performance in Trey Edward Shults’ family drama “Waves” and now could have a shot at some awards-season gold playing Maren. “But this is different. They both deal with blood and people who are not normal, but ‘Twilight’ has vampires and this movie has cannibals.”

For many years, Guadagnino — the director of “The Protagonists,” “I Am Love” and “A Bigger Splash” (all starring his muse, Tilda Swinton) — was either detested or ignored within Italy’s insular film milieu, and the feeling was mutual. So it’s not surprising that the first time I met him, in 2009, he told me his goal was to become “a Hollywood insider.” Surely, “Call Me by Your Name” brought him a step closer to that dream. And now his association with Chalamet has potentially clinched the deal.

When asked how “Bones and All” made it to the big screen, Guadagnino says, “The honest, direct and completely unapologetic answer is Timothée.”

Chalamet was in Rome doing reshoots for the first “Dune,” stuck in Europe during the pandemic, when Guadagnino sent him the “Bones and All” screenplay. They talked at length, and the actor realized that this could be the first project in which he might have a hand in shaping his character.

“It excited me, because it felt like it was very different than the first project we had done together,” Chalamet says. “It excited me, too, because I felt the bones of Lee — no pun intended — were there, but there was a lack of direction.” Guadagnino encouraged Chalamet to fill out the character by working with the screenwriter, David Kajganich, an experience he’d never had before.

“When Luca said I should get on the phone with David, and that process started, I was seriously warming to the idea that — without sounding pretentious — we would be going to the middle of America with Luca to shoot his first American film.” He adds, “And because a couple projects I’d done were of such a size, I felt like I really wanted the challenge of going back in a more ‘indie environment.’” He uses his fingers as quotation marks.

Kajganich, with whom Guadagnino collaborated on “Suspiria,” had originally adapted the YA novel “Bones & All” by Camille DeAngelis for “The Devil All the Time” director Antonio Campos. When Campos backed out, the writer asked Guadagnino to read it.

“When Lee shows up on the page,” says Guadagnino, “I found Timmy.”

Despite having a big star attached, the cannibal romancer was not an easy sell to investors. Guadagnino and Chalamet, both producers on the film, didn’t want a studio on board, so they sought out Italian financiers. The fact that they and all the other actors were willing to defer their fees “really helped with investors,” says producer Francesco Melzi d’Eril.

Once the $35 million film was completed, it was immediately snapped up, sight unseen, by MGM.

Taylor Russell could see her character clearly when she first read the script for “Bones and All.” “What struck me about her initially is that she’s this kind of creature who feels like there’s something off with her, like a picture frame that’s slanted,” Russell says. “And I wanted to work through that exercise of ‘If there is something inherently wrong with me, is there a way to break through that?’”

Guadagnino told Russell and Chalamet that they had to sink their teeth into the role of real cannibals. “The intention was always that we were hopefully doing justice to the reality of these people’s lives,” says Russell.

Guadagnino calls “Bones” “a fairy tale.” “It’s about two young people — a girl, in particular — roaming this world of darkness and dealing with the challenges within and without, finding love in the gaze of one another and trying to overcome impossibility.”

Still, the outcast lovers feast on human body parts, a butchery the film does not shy away from. Guadagnino says quickly that he and his editor, Marco Costa, made a point of cutting away from gratuitous gore. He was not interested in shock value but rather an intensity of desire.

Russell and Chalamet, for their part, wanted to explore the emotional relationship more than the cannibalism. But, Russell says, they also “talked about eating somebody, eating anything, using your body, your hands, your mouth — it’s so tactile, so physical, that, in some ways, it’s simple.”

Guadagnino and his team thought about the consequences of a precarious life led roaming through cornfields and along back roads in the 1980s Midwest, “dealing with violence and the unexpected.”

“We came up with a lot of very subtle ideas about wearing the fatigue of being an eater on their faces and bodies — like scars in unpredictable places because of the reactions of the victims, who wounded them.”

One of Chalamet’s first lines in the film is “If you weigh 140 pounds wet, you got to have an attitude — a big attitude.” Asked whether he lost weight for the role, Chalamet answers, “Yeah,” without elaborating on how many pounds he’d dropped. Then he says, “That look that Maren and Lee have, I think it feeds the fablelike quality of the story, and of people that are living in extremes. As opposed to what the reality would be, perhaps: If you were consistently devouring entire human bodies, it would probably leave you with a bigger figure than they have.”

Chalamet worked with costume designer Giulia Piersanti on Lee’s look, riffing off the grunge aesthetic of 1980s punk rock. “Lee would want to express himself through his clothes,” Chalamet says. To help with this mix of big attitude and skinny body, they decided to dye his hair with sun-bleached streaks of pinkish reds, chop off some curls on the sides, and give Lee tattoos on his arms and hand.

Of course, everyone wants to know if Chalamet and Guadagnino are planning a sequel to “Call Me by Your Name.” Guadagnino floated the idea almost as soon as he debuted the original at Sundance, while he was doing press with Chalamet and Armie Hammer, who played Chalamet’s older lover, Oliver. But the project’s chances of making it to the screen have dwindled in the wake of allegations against Hammer in early 2021 for being physically and emotionally abusive to women, including suggesting that he eat their flesh. (Despite speculation in the tabloids, these cannibal exchanges had nothing to do with the inspiration for “Bones and All.”)

“I would love to make a second and third and fourth chapter of all my movies,” Guadagnino says. “Why? Because I truly love the actors I work with, so I want to repeat the joy of doing what we did together.”

However, when it comes to “Call Me by Your Name,” Guadagnino says, “there is no hypothesis, so there is no movie. It’s a wish and a desire, and I have not made up my mind about what would be the story.” When asked if the film could still include Hammer’s character, he says, “Yeah, of course.” Then he presents another potential storyline for a sequel — following Mafalda, the housekeeper, played by Vanda Capriolo, who resides in Elio’s family’s summer home. “Which is divine,” he says. “I would be very interested in seeing what is the life of Mafalda when she’s not around the family.”

After our group conversation, I meet with Guadagnino again in a bare, neon-lit room that seems better suited to a police interrogation than an interview. He is walking on crutches, one leg in a short fracture boot, due to his tripping on the Academy Museum of Motion Pictures stage after presenting a Visionary Award to Tilda Swinton in L.A. a few days earlier.

On the red carpet, before the Academy Museum ceremony, Guadagnino teased “Challengers,” his first U.S. studio film, which is being produced for MGM by Amy Pascal. To get Guadagnino on board, Pascal had sent him the “Challengers” script and pushed him to read it that same afternoon. She called him every half hour “until I surrendered and I read it.”

So does Guadagnino finally feel he has become a Hollywood insider?

“No,” he says, “not yet. But I can fall from the stage of the Academy Museum and be helped by many Hollywood insiders.” Among those who came to his aid were Adrien Brody, Alicia Vikander and his longtime agent, Bryan Lourd. “That was a good feeling. A lot of Hollywood insiders love me very much.”

[emkaniff]

seeing posts like “why is israel releasing skits/videos parodying the war it must be propaganda” really seals the deal on people not thinking Israelis are human beings. Like only americans and Europeans can make comedy skits to cope with their current situations I guess

[show-me-how-to-lie]

The future is now I guess

losing my mind over this AI generated Spongebob stream, it's been going over 24 hours straight and made up of these 30 second to minute long skits that encompass internet humor, meme references and a bit of existential dread acted out in the cartoons fashion. You've got the cartoons classic music, odd humor, strange physics, boats being driven through anything that dare be in their path and plankton continually T posing, so what's not to love. It's called AI generated sponge (Parody).

[iamonlypartlymajestic]

What's the Opposite of a Gazelle? (Middleditch & Schwartz “Dream Job”fanfic)

*Co-written with @awildtrashcan*

AO3 LINK

Chapter 1 - A Lion?

 “Ah-ah-achoo!” 

 The force of Sawson’s sneeze echoes along the metal walls of the very cramped vent he is currently crawling through. 

 A faint female voice arises from an opening a few feet ahead of him, “What was that?” 

 Sawson quickly squirms up to the opening, furiously whispering, “Nothing! Don’t worry about it!”

 Through the vent’s thin crevices, he sees the tight bun of the well-dressed woman below him wobble slightly as she looks around the room. “Hmm…” she replied, “Yup, nothing suspicious at all.”

 She continues typing and Sawson smirks. Works every time. 

 He squirms onward, but not before remembering to cover his face with the collar of his shirt. No need to risk another sneeze. 

 He finally arrives at the aperture leading to his target: Mr. Times’s office. 

 Sawson punches open the air duct, again whispering, “Shhh! Stop making noise.” In panic, he flails at the falling metal cover, just barely grasping it with his fingertips. He freezes for a moment. Did anyone hear him?

 Complete silence.

 Nope, he’s good.

 He releases a sigh of relief and shoves the air duct cover behind him. 

 Sawson hooks his harness to the top of the air duct and lowers himself down carefully. All according to plan.

 Hours before Sawson found himself traversing the dusty vents of the New York Times building, Timothy III had taken a break from hate-watching Keeping Up With the Times to send "Kyle" a personal automated message about how he had a hunch that Mr. Times was hiding potentially unfavorable footage from airing on the show.

 He mocked the head of the media company’s hypocrisy regarding reporting the truth and ordered Sawson to retrieve the footage from Times’s office. He explained how he had taken the time to impersonate the admittedly very cool professor of Mr. Times’s law class and make up some emergency about alien boys and digital contracts (mocking him once again for actually believing such a ridiculous lie) to provide a window of time for Sawson to infiltrate the building.

 All of Sawson’s questions regarding the legality and ethical issues of the assignment were interrupted by the automated message stating, “This video message will now self-destruct in five seconds.” He took the allotted time to open his office window and chuck the tablet before it exploded. He was left staring at the remains of the tablet plummeting down the New York abyss as Timothy III’s dramatic laughter echoed from down the hall.

 And so, infiltrate the building he has.

 Sawson readies himself as he slowly descends to the floor. Now for the difficult part:

 Lasers.

 He straightens his body like an arrow and slips through a parallel pair of red sensors, but immediately arches his back, butt up in the air to avoid a lower level layer perpendicular to his body. As he twists and turns his body through the maze, he reminds himself to save a copy of the security footage before deleting it. He imagines the video will be just like the scene from Entrapment. 

 Sawson hopes he makes Catherine Zeta-Jones proud. 

 He finally makes it to Mr. Times’s desk. He grabs the edge of the table and turns on the computer. Keep it cool. Everything is going great. All he needs to do is grab the footage, and—

 "Hey, Mr. Times," a man drawls, pushing the office door open while double checking the contents of a folder in his hands. "I got those photos of a kid rolling down a ski slope during Andorra’s successful invasion of Spain you asked—"

 He looks up and immediately makes eye contact with Sawson, who is still dangling from the ceiling with a hand holding a very suspicious piece of tech. "For…uh, okay, those lasers definitely weren't here yesterday," he mutters, looking up and down the cable spanning the height of the, for some reason, very tall room.

 “Kyle?!” Sawson's free arm knocks into a stack of papers in shock. “Shit! I-I mean, I’m not here!” Still hanging from the ceiling, he turns himself upside down to reach the documents on the floor. “You can’t see me!” He only ends up successfully twirling in the air, unable to stay still enough to gather up all of the papers. 

 "Sawson, you know that doesn't work on me." Still spinning, Sawson can only get intermittent glimpses of Kyle, but Sawson assumes Kyle has his hands on his hips and is rolling his eyes. "Best friend immunities." 

 “Well.” Sawson attempts to glare at Kyle, but the spinning is making him nauseous. He starts again with his eyes closed. This time however, he crosses his arms to display his annoyance with the situation. “If you’re my best friend then, help me down!”

 Eyes still closed, all Sawson hears is a sigh before a pair of hands stabilize his levitating body. Now free from the danger of puking all over the floor of the New York Times head office, Sawson opens his eyes. He contorts his neck as far back as he can to watch Kyle. 

 It’s been years since he’s seen his best friend, and they haven't been able to make time to really meet up, what with their respective employments and newfound obligations. Well, it admittedly hasn't been the ten years they promised to meet at the top of the Empire State Building, but quite a few. Enough to forget the details of his original body. Sure, Sawson remembers the basics: his original hair color, the general shape of his face, etc. But with his pre-ancient-ritual body in front of him, he realizes he actually forgot the color of his eyes. Hell, he misses his short nine. 

 His musing is interrupted by Kyle’s very last-minute heads up. 

 “Fuck!” Sawson faceplants on the thankfully carpeted floor.

 “By the way…” Kyle brushes his hand through his hair and turns to help Sawson who’s still trying to untangle himself from his harness. “How’re those pics of Timothy III going?” 

 Well, that's one way to break the ice. Sawson shrugs as much as he can with the belts and buckles looped around him. "It's alright, I guess."

 Kyle raises his eyebrows. "Alright, you guess?"

 “Yeah, ol’ Timothy is actually kind of…” Sawson slaps Kyle’s hands away from his body. He got this, okay?

 “Eccentric?” Kyle’s voice rises unnaturally high at the end, so Sawson takes a brief glance at the other man as he fiddles with the harness. Sawson then watches his former eyes glaze over as Kyle stares deep in thought. 

 “That’s…” He thinks back to the exploding tablet. “A word.” Sawson yanks at the last buckle and the harness slips down to his feet. He picks up the harness and waves it in Kyle’s face with an "Aha!".

 "So," Kyle bats the harness out of his face before humming, clapping his hands together and pressing his lips into a thin line. "Are you going to explain why you're reenacting Mission Impossible in the middle of my boss' office?"

 Sawson not-so-inconspicuously kicks a few of the documents scattered on the floor under the desk and stutters. “Uhh…” 

 Kyle’s face goes deadpan and steps way too close for Sawson’s comfort. “Sawson...Sawson.”  

 Sawson smoothly doesn’t make eye contact with Kyle. Yes, smoothly. 

 It unfortunately does not deter Kyle. “Sawson...why were you hanging from the ceiling?”

 “Uh, I. I got—” Sawson tries to continue to avoid eye contact but Kyle just steps even closer. 

 “And don’t say ‘kids’. I’ve been taking care of Pawson for years now, and I’m pretty sure you’re still single.” 

 Sawson stomps his foot and points his finger at Kyle’s face. “Okay! First of all, I wasn’t going to say kids. So, there! And second, I-I could be with someone, have a new family in a big house with a pet dog.”

 Kyle just raises an eyebrow and looks at Sawson pointedly. Ugh, Kyle could at least pretend to believe him. 

 Sawson huffs and pushes his friend away to finally clean up the documents strewn on the floor. He drops them haphazardly on the office chair. “Fine. If you’re going to be here anyway, keep watch while I find your boss’s stupid TV show footage.” 

 “Wait, what? You mean Keeping Up With the Times?”

 “Is there any other reality show about the family of the head of a major mass media company based in New York?” Sawson plugs in the flash drive and immediately, a mini version of Timothy III’s AI takes control of the computer. Folder tabs open and close rapidly as the AI searches for the videos. 

 “All of the seasons are on Netflix, what’s up with the breaking and entering?”

 Sawson rolls his eyes, “If you must know, Timothy wants—”

 “The third. Timothy the Third.” A feminine monotone voice interrupts Sawson from the computer’s speakers. “When speaking of the Timothy the Third, head of sketch comedy show—”

 “Wait, I remember that voice.” Kyle shoulder checks Sawson out of the way and his eyes flick back and forth across the surface of the screen. “You were the voice automated system during my interview, weren’t you?”

 “I am an AI capable of many important tasks and services. I have the memory storage and processing power dedicated to solving the world’s greatest problems...of course, I remember both of your less than stellar interviews," states the AI, shutting down any further conversation. Sawson frowns at its comment. He doesn't think he did that poorly...

 A soft chime sounds. "Blackmail located."

 “Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Kyle turns back to Sawson who busies himself with erasing any trace of his presence from the room. “Blackmail?!”

 “I don’t know if you remember, but Timothy considers—”

 “The third.”

 Sawson glares at the computer monitor, “Right, Timothy the Third considers Mr. Times his business and personal rival.” Finished cleaning up the rest of the papers, he lounges in the office chair and rests his feet on the shiny wooden surface of the desk. He deserves it, okay? It takes a lot of core strength to descend through lasers like a super spy.  

 "Yeah. But that doesn't explain why you're partaking in corporate espionage."

 Before Sawson can reiterate the bullshit his boss told him through a self-destructing tablet, the AI lets out another chime. Download completed.

 "Well, my friend," Sawson sighs, retrieving the flash drive and the incriminating files it carries, "it appears my work here is done. So if you'll excuse me…"

 "I will not excuse you." Kyle steps into Sawson's path. "We're going to sit here and talk about your questionable actions like the two healthy, functioning grown men we are. And besides," he gestures to the array of lights and the cable left swinging lightly in the breeze of the A/C above them, "how do you plan on getting back up there?"

 Sawson points a finger in the air and opens his mouth to reply, before promptly closing it. "I-I…um," he stammers, and averts his gaze, "I never actually considered...getting this far."

 Kyle pinches the bridge of his nose in between his thumb and index finger, “You’re telling me, you can slip through literal lasers and have an advanced AI system in the palm of your hand, and you didn’t make a plan to escape?” 

 Sawson shrugs, “I sort of thought I’d leave the same way I came in.” He then attempts to pull himself up the line of cord still hanging from the ceiling. He grunts as he actually makes a few feet of distance, before the part of the ceiling that he attached the harness’s hook to gives way and he falls. Again. 

 “Jesus Christ,” Kyle says as he pulls Sawson back up to a standing position. He keeps his hands around Sawson’s elbows as he reorients himself. “You’re an idiot.”

 Sawson shakes his head to clear his mind. He really needs to stop almost giving himself concussions. “Alrighty then...I admit I do need some help to get out of here.” He picks up the fallen cable and winds it around his arm. 

 Kyle crosses his arms and narrows his eyes, “Only if you show me what’s in the video and tell me why Timothy the Third wants them.”

 Sawson rolls his eyes and tosses his hands in the air in surrender, “Fine, alright, I will! So...please?” He flourishes his other arm in a fancy “go on with it” gesture. 

 Kyle removes his tote and stuffs the harness inside before telling Sawson to put the cord in also. He slips it back around his shoulder. “Come follow me, and act natural! Thank god you’re not wearing some dumbass jumpsuit or this'd be way more difficult.”

 Sawson responds with silence and awkwardly looks to the side. He decides to not think about his late-night Amazon window shopping.  

 Kyle's eyes widen in realization and he leans back to stare judgmentally at his friend's face. "No. Never do that. This compliments you so much better." He stiffly waves his hand in front of Sawson’s all-black turtleneck and fitness pants ensemble. "Well. Compliments me, I guess."

 “Just go already!” Sawson pushes Kyle ahead of him towards the door. After scanning the room one last time for any remaining evidence, he follows Kyle outside of the office. 

“Ah, yes! Newbie intern Saw—Ky—ARL, CARL. This is the office of our great MR. TIMES, the leader of our wonderful mass media company, the NEW YORK TIMES.” Kyle says in a much too loud voice while not-so-subtly looking around the hallway. 

 Sawson stares incredulously at his friend until Kyle elbows his side and tilts his head at an upcoming employee. Oh! “Yes, yes! Thank you very much, SAWSON! For this TOUR OF THE BUILDING. I am SO GLAD TO START MY WORK HERE SOON.” 

 The employee gives them an irritated look but otherwise ignores their existence as she walks on. The two best friends nod at each other in confidence. They've totally nailed this whole corporate espionage thing. 

 Kyle leads Sawson to the main elevator. “Okay, just take this and head straight down. I still have to do a bit more work before I can clock out. You want to meet at that one Italian place?” He gives Sawson his tote bag with his gear. 

 “The one with the really tasty meatballs?” The elevator dings and Sawson walks inside, holding his hand out to prevent the doors from shutting. 

 “Yeah, that one. I’ll text you when I’m almost there.” Kyle gives Sawson one last nod before the elevator doors close and Sawson descends. 

 ~O~

 His vision goes white.

 Sawson shuts his eyes, a hand pressing against his temples to soothe the searing pain in his head. His actions do nothing to defend himself from the sharp wave of nausea that hits him, and he's grateful he hasn't ordered anything yet because he's definitely sure he'd be throwing it all back up. Man, today is just showing no mercy to his poor stomach.

 "—think we should be dealing with this, Sawson?"

 The vertigo abruptly melting away is almost as disorienting as it being present, and it takes a couple seconds before he's finally able to register what was said.

 "...Sawson?"

 And what, or rather, who is in front of him.

 "Sawson, I am talking to you," Mr. Times looks unimpressed with the lack of response.

 "Y-yes, sir, I—" Sawson stutters, buying himself a few more seconds to confirm that yes, he is back in Times's office, hacked computer on top of the polished oak desk and all. "—D'uh, I…think…"

 Mr. Times "hmm"s for him to continue.

 "...we should," Sawson gulps, "m-make peace with the aliens?" He winces and tenses his shoulders, praying his answer is acceptable to the head of a reputable media company.

 His now (he supposes)-current-boss purses his lips and nods in contemplation. "Yes, offering an olive branch to foreign powers, even the extraterrestrial, is a wise first move." Holy shit, what— "But still, there's no telling whether they will respond positively, or we'll end up with a repeat of yesterday's lecture."

 The man trails off to think to himself before waving a hand as if to shoo that train of thought away. "No matter. Just a hypothetical question in the grand scheme of things, and the Times doesn't focus on hypotheticals. We focus on the now, isn't that right?"

 "Of course, sir," Sawson agrees. Finally, a question he knows the answer to.

 "Well, I've kept you here long enough. I'll ask you to entertain my philosophical musings tomorrow," and Mr. Times turns his attention to the monitor in front of him, giving Sawson the time to question how the hell he went from waiting for Kyle to meet him to dealing with New York Times Interview Anxiety Part 2: E.T. Go Home.

 Sawson walks out of Mr. Times’s office into the unknown. Upon checking that the hallway is bereft of any other employees, he first spends a few seconds outside of the closed door muffling his screams into his hands. 

 Alright, he feels better. Somewhat. Now to get out of here before anyone else tries to talk to him about the supernatural.

 He turns towards what he remembers to be the direction Kyle showed him earlier, but stops.

 Wait a minute, hold on!

 If he's in here, and here happens to be the New York Times, but he was just in the Italian restaurant's men's restroom, and he was Kyle, but now he's Sawson…then where was Kyle?

 Sawson's brain finally calculates the math, and he buries his face back into his hands.

 "...Fuck."

[natsu-tte-noodle]

A3! Translation: The Hard Fight for Triangle Jokes!? (Tehepero Funny Guy)

This one is interesting because it lets us see a planning process for once!  It was neat to read their plan actually being put into action in the event story.

I did this one a while ago (like. a year), so I think I was still learning how to make ていうか sound natural at the time.  Like with Tenichi, I hope the end result ended up ok lol

@banriapologist​ the manzai providing star is once again our lovely provider ☆

The translation is under the cut. If you see anything that doesn’t seem right, please let me know!

-

-

１

Izumi: Misumi, Yuki, you two will be participating in the Grand Prix this time, right?

Yuki: Yeah.  So we got together planning to have a prep meeting, but—

Misumi: Hey, hey, let’s make our duo name “Sankaku”~!

Yuki: No.  I mean, I rejected it earlier, too.

Misumi: Then, “Triangle”~!

Yuki: That’s just triangle in English.  You thought I’d allow that?

Misumi: Yuki’s harsh… boooo.

Izumi: N-Now, now.  Misumi-kun’s just throwing out ideas, right?

Yuki: *sigh*...  I guess I should say, the manzai routine should come before the name.

Misumi: Oh, gotcha!  Then, okay!  I wanna do a triangle skit!

Yuki: What?  What’s that?

Misumi: Um well, it’s like this~!

Misumi: —Yes!  Triangle love!

Misumi: Well?  Well?  Doesn’t that seem funny?

Izumi: Umm… you got your incredible love for triangles across, but…

Yuki: Rejected.

Misumi: Whaaaaat?

Izumi: (Looks like this is a hard fight…)

Kazunari: Ah, Yukki and Sumi!  That was fast, you’re already practicing your manzai?

Yuki: Not yet.  We’re in the middle of getting a routine out now.

Tenma: Huh.  Going well?

Misumi: I made up a part~!  Look look—yes!  Triangle love!

Kazunari: Ahaha, Sumi, that’s great!  Mega funny~!

Yuki: …does that look like it’s going well?

Tenma: Oof…

Misumi: Hey, hey, Yuki, why don’t you like it?

Misumi: I showed it to the cats earlier and they said it was funny~?

Yuki: Get back to me when humans find it funny.

Kumon: Ahaha, this back and forth is kinda already like manzai!  It’s funny~!

Kazunari: Yeah!  With this, could we seriously aim for victory!?

Muku: That would definitely be funny enough, but… I kind of want to see Yuki in the funny guy role.

Yuki: The hell?

Kumon: Oh, I kinda get what you mean!  Like, Yuki’s always had the impression of the retorter, right?

Yuki: That’s because a certain hack is a hack.

Tenma: Hey!  I keep telling you I’m not a hack!

Yuki: I never said the hack was you.

Tenma: Ghk…

Izumi: But Yuki-kun’s funny guy side is certainly something we don’t see too often, so it could be fresh and entertaining.

Kazunari: After talking about it, I’m kinda interested in that too~! 

Kumon: Then, this time, Yuki will be the funny guy, and Sumi-san will be the straight man!

Yuki: WHAT!?  Hold on, why are you making that choice on your own!?

Muku: Ah… could it be, Yuki-kun, you hate the funny guy role?  I-I’m sorry… it’s my fault for running my mouth.

Muku: Ughh… I’m an idiot that can’t read the mood, stupid, sloppy, my brain is just the dust that floats in your house…!

Yuki: Nobody’s saying that.  …I complain, but it’s not like I hate it or anything.

Muku: R-Really?  …thank goodness.

Yuki: Well, now that I think about it, I haven’t really been the funny guy much, so it might be a good experience.

Tenma: Then, that’s settled.

Misumi: Oka~y, I’ll do my best as the straight man~!

ー

２

Tenma: The funny guy and straight man have been decided, so next is the actual routine.

Misumi: I still want to do a manzai routine with triangle jokes~ Tri-tri-triangle~

Kazunari: It’d be funny, but if there’s only one joke it could be restricting.  Maybe it’d be good to have other ones that you can smoothly sprinkle in?

Kumon: What about prop comedy or something?

Yuki: No, Citrun does that.

Tenma: How about song jokes?  Like a parody, or funny lyrics.

Yuki: If the championship comes down to lyrics, we’d be overshadowed by the shameless poemer.  At least consider that.

Tenma: You’re being real harsh even though people are giving you their thoughts!

Izumi: A routine that won’t feel like it overlaps with the other teams… hmm.

Kazunari: —ah!  Hey, hey, what about this?

Kazunari: Every time Sumi retorts to Yuki’s goofing, he changes between three different personas!

Muku: Wow, that sounds pretty interesting!

Kazunari: Ooh, and what’s more, isn’t rotating between three characters kinda triangular!?

Yuki: No, that’s too much.

Misumi: Whoaaah, it’s a triangle~!  Kazu, you’re a geniu~s!

Tenma: Does that make it a triangle!?  What are you guys seeing!?

Izumi: A-Anyway, Misumi-kun likes Kazunari-kun’s idea.  Yuki-kun?

Yuki: Well, if the person who’s doing it wants to then I guess it’s fine.  The trianglian should be able to handle the different roles too.

Misumi: Ya~y!

Muku: Then, should we think about the three patterns the straight man’s character will have?  What sort of characters do we think would work?

Kumon: Hmm… oh, like a high-and-mighty type!

Yuki: Ahh, so like the hack?

Tenma: Who are you calling a high-and-mighty hack!?

Izumi: Ahaha… um, in that case the others should be easy to understand too, right?

～

CHOOSE!

1. Like a sharp-tongued type?

Izumi: Like a sharp-tongued type?  Like, they harshly cut you down.

Tenma: I see, so a cheeky impression like Yuki?

Yuki: Shut up, hack.  Also, that’ll overlap with my character so no.

2. Like a timid type?

Izumi: Like a timid type?  Like, they nervously retort.

Kumon: Like Muku!  In that case, you also need negative wild fantasies!

Yuki: We’d certainly have the element of surprise, but I think it’d be tough since one mistake would turn it into the funny guy.

～

Kazunari: Ooh, ooh!  I suggest a straight-laced type!

Muku: The image of a tough guy like Juchan or Sakyo-san!  Misumi-san seems like he’d play that so cool…!

Kumon: In that case, for the last one, what about a super-cheerful character, like a party person!

Tenma: Ah, a trend-following type like Kazunari?

Yuki: Got it… yeah, works for me.  They’ll be easy to tell apart, so the switch should be easy to make too.

Izumi: Then, the straight man’s characters will be a high-and-mighty type, a straight-laced type, and a trend-following type.

Kazunari: Oh~!  Sounds like this’ll be a manzai we’ve never seen before!  Ya~y, it’ll be a smash hit~!

Misumi: Smash hit~!

Yuki: Thanks for the help.  We’ll come up with the rest, so you guys are off the hook.

Tenma: Got it.  All that’s left is to enjoy the performance.

Kumon: Ah~ now I’m SO excited~!

Kazunari: Right?  Will the champion finally come from the Summer Troupe this year!?

Muku: Wow, it’d be amazing if that happened…!

Izumi: We’re cheering for you, so do your best, you two!

Yuki: Yeah, yeah.  …well, grabbing the victory on our first try would be fun too.

Misumi: Oka~y, we’ll take first place with triangle manzai~!

STORY CLEAR

[desultory-novice]

You got your regular Whispy Woods, Ball-and-Chain Whispy Woods, Remake Whispy Woods, Dream Course Whispy Woods, Hay Fever Whispy Woods, Block Ball Whispy Woods, Super Star Whispy Woods, Twin Whispy Woods, Purple Whispy Woods, Nightmare Fuel Whispy Woods, 3D Whispy Woods, Whispy Woods Jr., Cameo Whispy Woods, Helper Whispy Woods, Central Park Whispy Woods, Smash Bros Whispy Woods, King Golem, Cameo Whispy Woods 2, Twiggy Woods, Patchwork Whispy Woods, Tower Whispy Woods, Woobly Woods, Floaty Woods, Necro Whispy Woods, Pinball Whispy Woods, Mini-game Whispy Woods 1&2, 2.5D Whispy Woods, Flowery Woods, Clay Whispy Woods, Clanky Woods, Clash Whispy Woods, Hi-Res Whispy Woods, Parallel Whispy Woods, Tropic Woods, Yggy Woods-

...Wait! Yggy's not Whispy Woods! Neither is Flowery Woods, King Golem, Tropic Woods, or a bunch others, but ignore that for the sake of the fact that I went and typed all those out. 

(Btw, This has been a parody of a Smash Bros skit. Viridi is voiced by the same VA as Kirby in Japanese! Definitely listen to Ohmoto-san's version of the “Piranha Plant” guidance if you haven't!)

Uhh, so! Whispy Woods...!

I guess I like ol' Whispy, sure! 

Having Whispy show up as a boss in a Kirby game always gives you that nice feeling of nostalgia. Regardless of how many Kirby games you've played. (Unless you happened to have ONLY played two games in which Whispy didn't appear at all, back to back. Then you would have no idea who it is.)

The neat thing is that they almost always have some way to change up the fight, even if only a little. It's also an excellent boss fight for showing you the ropes in Kirby. "These things you can inhale and use as projectiles. But THESE hurt you!"

Always good to inform the player how to play your game, because you never know the experience and skill level of who is picking up the controller. At the same time, you don't want to bog them down in game-flow interrupting tutorials. That's why Whispy is so brilliant!

Kirby likes food, so of course you would have the idea to inhale the yummy looking apples. But a bug? Gross! A spiky thing? Ouch! It’s smart!

Uh, lore and character-wise? ...I have never actually thought that much about it! I sometimes imagine Whispy Woods as the Air Conditioner from The Brave Little Toaster. A cranky old man who, yeah, doesn't GET to go on fun, colorful adventures with the others because HE's just a tree! And what about it, huh?!!

Then again, Whispy can actually uproot itself, at least, it was shown to do so when possessed by Dark Matter/ the Jamba Heart. Maybe it secretly moves locations every now and again when no one is looking, just to see if THIS TIME its found a good spot where it can get some rest without Kirby interrupting.

If there was a Kirby fantasy JRPG, I would expect Whispy Woods to be maybe some kind of cool old NPC who oversees Dream Land and could maybe start the quest off or something...wait, wait, wait. I'm thinking of Ocarina of Time!

Anyway, Whispy Woods (and others of its species) are clearly holding some secret wisdom from the ol------d days of Dream Land/Popstar, so it would be fun to hear it talk. Maybe Whispy will turn out to be important later? But probably not.

So yeah. I like seeing what form Whispy takes (okay, okay, okay, "the variety of living trees or tree-ish enemies that may or may not be 'Whispy Woods' or canonically related to Whispy Woods") in each new game. The little visual changes. How the ol' spruce is spruced up with each new entry.

Whispy is one of those important background elements that make Kirby "Kirby." You expect to see him somewhere.

My favorite Whispy Woods? 

...I like how 64's Whipsy Woods has kind of a gingham texture. It's pretty. Clay Whispy Woods is nice for how saturated and colorful it is. But I very much like the modern Whispy Woods from Star Allies forward with all the animated leaves.

Least Favorite?

Dream Land 3's Whispy Woods is "Nightmare Whispy Woods" for a reason. That FACE and that it starts crawling toward you is soooo scary!

Props to this quote from Super Kirby Clash for trying to make Whispy sound cool: "The canopy of foliage blots out the night sky. Smash the fruits of destruction!"

Also, this Whispy Woods is very cursed.

[bellarosethefangirl]

OMG you're providing us with ships!! Since I can't find anyone else in the fandom who does ships may I ask for a Yugioh ship (either season 0 or DM since I basically consider them the same thing)? Thank you so much in advance!!

So to start off I'll say that I'm Demisexual, very sex-positive but don't want it with another person unless there's something special between us. I've had feelings towards women in the past but I do have a preference for masculine presenting people. I'm a Virgo, but in vedic/eastern astrology I'm actually a Leo. My fam always says it's perfect because I'm a "good blend of Virgo and Leo traits" whatever that means lol. If I had to take a guess I'd say that it means I'm a bit flashy in the sense that I love fashion and decorations and have a bold sense of humor, but I can also be very reserved and a perfectionist. I'm very critical of myself and tend to hold people at arms length at first, but once close to you I'm a very loyal friend and that's when you see my flashy Leo side. And speaking of my sense of humor, I love making people laugh. I think it's one of my better traits actually. If I'm feeling comfortable I'll do stupid shit to make you laugh (example, one time my bestie and I were the only ones in a movie theater for a bit so I got in front of the screen and started repeating a parody skit we saw on youtube).

I'm very artistic, drawing, sewing, crafts, writing, you name it I probably at least have a desire to try it if I haven't already. If I had access to better fabric I'd definitely make a lot of my own clothes, but for now I just have to stick to decorating my house with my crafts. As for my "style", eclectic is the only way I can describe it, I like puffy sleeves and skirts one day, then wear a corset top and combat boots the next. I just like lots of styles okay? lol

I'm an introvert and I think I'd prefer someone who's the same, or is at least okay with staying in most nights. I like getting out once or twice a week and don't mind outings, but I really value my time relaxing on the couch with video games or my favorite shows, so someone who likes those things too would be ideal.

So, for my partner, I actually like sensitive people, I look for compassion and emotional intelligence in my partners above all else and sensitivity is part of that imo. I just wants someone who wants to love me, if that makes sense? I don't have time for asshats who make "ball and chain" jokes when talking about marriage or roll there eyes at simple romantic things like flowers and picnics. Also don't wanna waste my time with jerks who think dating is a game or whatever. If you belittle my romantic side or try to play games with my heart, sorry honey, you're getting kicked to the curb, don't test me. I give my loved ones my all, I put everything into my relationships, so I need someone who doesn't take advantage of that and gives me their all in return, so we can hold each other up equally, together. Supporting their dreams, what makes them happy, is also very important to me. I honestly don't really care about looks, if you look at all my fictional crushes there's no common physical traits between them, it's mostly the emotional connection and friendship foundation that's important to me.

As for my own looks, I'm tiny, barely 5'2" and so scrawny that people are shook when they see me lift 100lb boxes like it's nothing (I have to lift a lot at my job lol) I think they expect me to be helpless or something. Oh! I'm also a woman, guess I should have mentioned that earlier. I usually have short hair but I cut it in different styles often (gotten quite good at cutting my own hair over the years if I do say so myself) and dye it when I have time, mostly red but I've tried some blues/purples before.

I think that's all I'll say, I feel like I've pelted you with too much info already lmao! Again, thank you so much! I hope these are helping your writers block because your stuff is so fun to read! Don't forget that you're awesome!

Anime Matchups 💘

Yu-gi-oh! Season 0

You’re so right about no one else in the fandom doing these! I don’t mind all the extra info buddy 😌 makes it easier for me to pair you with a character. Your very welcome and thanks for the kind message about my writer’s block. So far these matchups are really helping me honestly. And thanks for saying that about my writing 😭❤️ xoxo you’re awesome too.

Yugi Muto

Yugi is definitely your man. He has such a big heart, his emotional side is so strong. He would never insult or joke around about love. He values love as much as you do. These were some of the main reasons I paired you two.

Yugi’s soft side is sure to attract you. He’s flattered you’d grow feelings for him. I can see him making a flustered expression when he discovers your true feelings for him.

Yugi wears leather pants and has some flashy style of his own. He’ll love you no matter what you wear. In fact he’ll buy you more clothes your heart desires.

He’ll like your sense of humor even if it’s bold. He’s besties with Jonouchi so he’s used to it.

He’s a bit introverted so he respects you being reserved. He’s friends with Kaiba later believe it or not and that guy is super reserved.

He’ll definitely enjoy your humor. If he were to see you act out that YouTube skit at the theater I’m sure he’d get a good kick out of it.

He likes that you’re sex positive but want the relationship that goes with it. I feel like Yugi wouldn’t be ready until he knows how he truly feels about you and there is truly a connection between you two.

He’s a bit of a perv so be ready for that, as surprising as it may be. It’s okay because he’s a gentleman but it might shock you at first. He’ll still be shy about it since he’s inexperienced.

Yugi loves your artistic side. He’ll want to look at all your artsy creations to be the supportive boyfriend. He’ll even buy you supplies. He’s so impressed you can make clothing. He must buy you material for it. You’ll find that he compliments your various styles. He’ll shyly ask you to dress him up.

Yugi is a bit introverted himself. He adores games and anime so he will like to watch tv and play video games with you. He’ll often ask to play games with you. He doesn’t mind at home dates. He will invite you out once in a while to hang out with the gang or even for a date but if you’re uninterested he won’t mind. He’ll end up asking what it is you’d like to do instead.

Yugi is sensitive and so emotionally strong. His tender side will instantly make you melt. He believes compassion is important to a person as well as their need for love. He’ll find himself loving you more when you express someone wanting to love you. I feel like Yugi is a hopeless romantic so he’d do anything for you. He would never take advantage of you or anyone for that matter. He’s genuinely a selfless man with the need for love as much as you do.

I feel like you being Demi goes hand in hand with you not caring about looks. Yugi would be elated since so many overlook him for his appearance. He’s pretty self cautious or doesn’t think he’s good enough. As much as he finds women to be beautiful he often looks at their personality. There’s a reason he had a crush on Anzu in the past. She’s a great friend and protects him. He admires you for your heart.

As for your looks he thinks you’re so beautiful. He loves all your various hairstyles and other changes to it. Yugi himself has some wild hair so he approves of expressing yourself through your hair. His height stands at 5’0 so you’ll beat him a bit lol and he’s also scrawny so he won’t think much of it. Though your strength impresses him. He might give you nicknames relating to fictional heroines since he’s a nerd like that. Be prepared for that. Since you’re slightly taller I can see him looking up at you with a shocked expression since he thinks you’re so majestic. He’d be so embarrassed if you caught him staring.

Your zodiac is Virgo and Yugi’s is Gemini. There’s room for some work but some relationships have proven to work. You two would have to work on it but it doesn’t mean it can’t work.

You mentioned having Leo traits. Leo’s go well with Gemini’s.

You and Yugi share so many desires. The need for love and an emotionally strong partner is so strong. He’s loves every aspect about you and he’s hopelessly in love with you. Good thing for him you’d be gentle with his heart. I can see you two play a lot of games and spending time together. This dynamic is soft romance. A cute match indeed.

[hekatekun]

The metanarrative’s grand narrative: Osomatsu-san’s characterization throughout the franchise

The growing cynicism throughout the entire Osomatsu-san franchise shows itself in season 3 with more prominence than anything prior. I think that’s pretty common amongst any “long-running” gag comedy - replacing a plot with spiteful commentary that’s admittedly pretty hit or miss at times. However, it invariably creates a negative but pretty funny character growth, and I love the way the show (I’m including the movie too as “canon” material considering season 3 has referenced it way too many times for me to disregard) has set up this metanarrative across seasons. Long post ahead.

Obviously, Osomatsu-san is self-aware and has a casual relationship with itself. No linear plot (though S3 seems to be trying it out and I’ve enjoyed it - I love that they’re willing to experiment), rather a collection of unrelated skits; and so it points out its own metanarrative because of this “lack of consequences.” With comedy comes impermancy and Ososan AND -kun will always bounce back from that week’s insanity. From the Oxford Dictionary, a metanarrative is “a narrative account that experiments with or explores the idea of storytelling, often by drawing attention to its own artificiality.” Basically: a story about stories.

On top of this, is what I’m calling the “grand narrative,” which is often used interchangeably with metanarrative, but here I’m making a distinction to make it less confusing. Of course, Ososan is a story about stories, but with that comes a story it’s not directly telling, which is where most of the (little) character development is taking place. This is what I’m going to call the grand narrative of a show whose premise is being a meta-aware comedy. I’ll admit I’m by no means an expert on these subjects, but storytelling methods are something I enjoy trying to analyze. As a media format, Ososan really utilizes the fact that it’s a tv show.

Right off the bat S1E1 makes it clear what to expect: Nothing. Not a damn thing. But, the show had already been cleared for this first season, so it has to be produced. This same episode’s preview is done by Osomatsu, which I’m just gonna quote instead screenshot because there’s too many.

“...we plan on properly starting the anime the next episode.” “...you ended up with an extra minute, so you need me to do something to fill it?! Actually, is this anime going to be okay with episode one being like this? I’m getting worried about how the rest of this is going to be...” “There, I used up a minute! [EPISODE ENDS]”

Episode one is not only batshit referential, but downright mocking the state of anime in 2015. Which, truthfully, I don’t have much to comment on in that regard, as I’m not an avid anime fan. However, it does this under the premise of being indecisive about what kind of anime they wanted the Osokun reboot to be. 

They’ll do just about anything to stay popular and relevant considering that is, quite literally, all they have going for them as characters in the series and just being characters in general. They may be pieces of shit, but they’re likeable pieces of shit. The dynamics they’ve built upon to be entertaining is encouraged, and they’re basically just roleplaying different skits and fucking around.

All the AUs! All the skits! They’re just playing! They’re just fuckin’ around!! They couldn’t come up with any interesting plot nor could they “graduate” from being anime protagonists and join the real world, so they just fuck around and make a gag anime!

Even if we follow both as the audience, the show makes a difference between the what’s them in their “normal life” (crazy begets crazy, no?) and what’s their “show.” But, really, that’s just one way to look at it, as they don’t really follow any rules as a show. I could say the Joshimatsus are separate characters from the sextuplets, and it’d be a “correct” interpretation. It doesn’t really matter - I’m choosing to examine it all as being the six of them just running around and playing, because being entertaining and having fun is all they know as characters. Besides, having it blended together beyond recognition reinforces how it prioritizes entertaining us, the audience, above logic. Storytelling doesn’t need to make absolute spatial-temporal sense for it to be enjoyable to fans.

In any case, that mentality really seems to be what pushes their character development negative, as they look to reinforce habits and rituals despite them being really detrimental for them in the long run. They know they’re popular characters as is, and with really everyone from staff to fans encouraging this behavior further, so they see no point in fixing what isn’t really broken.

I found this 4 year old article from Manga.Tokyo discussing the Ososan phenomenon in Japan because while the craze died off pretty quickly in American anime circles (which deserves a whole other post), Japanese fans went fuckin’ nuts.

This portion caught my attention, as it makes sense that entitled and enabled asshole children would grow up to be entitled and enabled asshole adults. The article also goes on to compare them to idols (even beyond the F6 spoof) and that they are rooted in being comfort characters above all else. 

It’s worth a read, especially because Japanese fan response is what drives majority of the content post-S1, and, inevitably, ties into their character development. 

They know that they’re Characters, particularly Protagonists. You know what happens to protagonists? Everything works out. Just about every single story created has stuff working out for protagonists. In fact, we have a whole genre made that separates stories with bad tragic endings from our Normal Stories. Ososan is a comedy, not a tragedy, so surely there’s gonna be some payoff somewhere along the road, especially as the seasons and other content are still being pumped out. To a self-aware, entitled, enabled protagonist, assuming everything is just gonna work out for you isn’t that far off from your narrative truth.

However, Ososan is a gag anime, and a lot of gag content (like 4koma mangas) is dropped for other projects before any emotional cathartic ending is provided for characters and fans alike. So, three seasons and a movie later, nothing has happened. It’s a great idol cash cow with a Family Guy filter, and the characters (and writers) don’t even bother to hide it anymore. And I know I’m being hypocritical concerning my definition of “canon material” but I think this portion from one of the drama cds “Choroplex” basically summarizes my point:

CHOROMATSU: Wait, don’t make this into a gag! You don’t even care about becoming employed, right? KARAMATSU: There’s no way that could happen... CHOROMATSU: What kind of future are you imagining? Is it nothing but this? [HUGE PAUSE BEFORE THEY MOVE ONTO SOMETHING ELSE]

They’re parodies of themselves and are running out of ideas. Stagnation and decay is normal, if not unavoidable, at this point in time for them. They’re just 20 somethings who’ve hit a wall but they’re too scared and insecure to bring about permanent positive change. It’s easier for them to fall back into normal patterns and joke off the rest.

They have an antagonistic relationship with expectations. They can’t handle a single iota of expectations, or responsibilities. They’ve never needed to worry before, so why bother now? Once the biggest hits on the block, now they’re just guppies in the ocean, and there’s nothing they believe themselves to be able to accomplish to keep up with this big brave new world. This is epitomized in S3E15, where old man Osomatsu tells a bastardized version of the Tortoise and the Hare, blatantly projecting his feelings onto it. Again, too many screenshots so let me pull more quotes (bolding for my own reference):

“The place that the tortoise thought was the goal was not actually the goal. His journey down the road of life still continued on. The tortoise was quite tired, but he continued running anyway.” “No one actually knew who was in front anymore. There are too many people above you.” “After the tortoise found out how society worked, he thought, ‘So this is the difference in talent? No amount of hard work is going to fix this. All right. I’m done competing with others.’”

S3 has left more questionable endings than its counterparts. The last 2 skits I referenced don’t even a gag to them, and the marriage skit doesn’t play music for the entire second half of S3E5. There’s more involved too. I haven’t even brought up the rice ball twins becoming actual entertainers in their universe, or how they introduced this whole AI subplot only to reject it because All Six Of Them aren’t interested in expanding their little corner of the world. Here’s a transcript of the ending preview from S3E1:

“Hey, hey, Osomatsu here. I thought we were saved from being replaced, but I guess we get new characters next week. Man, we’re busy. New encounters, changing surroundings... We’re NEETs to begin with because all that is a pain. I guess a lot can happen after three seasons. [EPISODE ENDS]”

The sextuplets’ mindsets are extremely self-centered, which is also an environmental thing (the parents don’t even really care that they’re NEETs, for one) and an understanding of what they ought to be (epic successful protagonists). They also have a very black and white mentality, all or nothing. They’re extremely sheltered, and once they realized where they stood in society at large, they just gave up. To them the world is divided between winners and losers, and somehow, “inexplicably,” they found themselves to have fallen from grace. But they’re protagonists, that has to count for something! Everything’s gonna end up okay, right? Well... what this show has told them: No, not at all. They are consistently compared and warned of Iyami, and are perfectly aware of this fact, and have come to internalize it as a truth rather than a reversible self-fulfilling prophecy.

Too many screencaps, taken from the S3S5 marriage discussion:

JYUSHIMATSU: I wonder if we’re gonna get married someday, too. CHOROMATSU: Well, I mean... probably? I’m not exactly sure, but... TODOMATSU: What? You’re gonna get married, Choromatsu-niisan? CHOROMATSU: Huh? Well, yeah... someday.

Surprise! They have commitment issues! The same group that couldn’t commit to a fucking plot! Though their personality issues have several factors involved, I can’t overlook the theater motifs abound. Life’s a stage, and they’re performing entirely unscripted and it shows.

Do I think all of this is 100% intentional on the writers’ part? No, probably not. There’s also an extra layer here regarding contemporary Japanese commentary that I’m not familiar with, so I just ended up focusing on the characters. I can’t be in the writers’ heads, but whatever decisions are being made by executives regarding censorship and “compliance” are reflected in these character changes that result in being significantly more bitter and defeatist.

In the all or nothing, winner-take-all mentality, the only way to save face at this point, in their minds, is to own up to it - act like it’s what they wanted all along. And, hey, it’s funny to watch, right?

“Why is Osomatsu all my examples”, you might be asking. Well, he’s the damn blueprint for it all. The leader of the bunch, the first personality to grab your attention, has had all his issues projected and ricocheted in their echo chamber.

Ultimately, my point here is that you could think their “canon characterizations” (though canon means nothing in a show like this) as being intertwined with the nature of their self-aware existence. They’ve shown you all their tricks, the smoke and mirrors are getting boring, and they’re stalling long enough the story seems to be moving on without them - in spite of them. And when something genuinely threatens their way of life, they don’t know how to respond.

You can play it all straight, of course. Remove the meta jokes and all the same plot points can be hit, but, as a slapstick comedy, it’s able to easily add this additional layer in that I appreciate. I’ve said it in my last post and I’ll probably say it in more, but with comedy comes sincerity - the caveat of all the cartoon violence is that, on some level somewhere, this is how they really feel.

[neutinya]

So guess who has another AU 🤩🤩🤩🤩 This time it's the boys as Minecraft YouTubers/streamers LMAOO hfjdjfjdjd Anyway yeah, headcanons at the back as usual!! Also I gave up drawing can u tell!!! I'm so sorry dhjdjd, I just got really tired which explains why the drawings are extremely shitty and not coloured😔😔😔 I'll definitely draw more of this though 🤡🤡  The concept is really fun since there's so many different types of Minecraft content makers;; also because a lot of my followers on insta are asking me to watch the dream team's vids, which I will, I will hopefully get inspiration to draw more of this lol

please open thread for headcanons!!

Some general ideas!!

Hajime like many people suggested and I agree, is a wholesome minecraft youtuber/streamer lmao, yes it may not be the most niche content, but he’s really genuine when playing and he get easily excited by new animals lol

He tends to download mods that add mobs, like frogs or dinosaurs or something

He goes by tofuzilla lmao, although fans just call him by his real name or zilla.

Also he’s actually really good at building, although most of the time his pretty builds are for his animals or something

Kuroo is KuroiNeko, Kenma applepie, Issei is Allgae and Hiro would be CreamYourPuff or something ahhh

Look, tooru is either a fucking god or absolute dogshit at PvP, he goes by grand king, and his content is mainly him doing PvP or really stupid challenges lmao

I feel like Kuroo and Oikawa would actually do a lot of hungergames/spleef all that funky jazz together, they betray each other a lot which explains the last slide

Honestly, I kinda headcanon most of the haikyuu babes to do stuff like bedwars, skyblock, the classics in general for a bulk of their content. Also smplive hell yeah

But I personally see characters like Hiro or Kuroo making those minecraft parody songs or like those skit kinda videos? you know, like explodingTNT or pinksheep

Hiro, Kuroo, Issei, Tooru, Suga, Daishou would also definitely do trolling vids

Kenma would do horror maps, never getting jumpscared, he’s also really good at redstone and just managing servers in general. Also, he’s the guy no one wants to PvP because they’ll die instantly

Yachi would make those really aesthetic calming building videos!!

Hiro learned redstone for the sole reason of making traps and killing tooru. also, he’s definitely obssessed with the ah yes Perry the platypus, I will now unveil to you my cock-and-ball-torturinator meme

issei? You can't have too many sheep he says, the server crashes they all die

also like just stupid ideas I had for some interactions lol

Context, these two are streaming together and Hajime’s trying to tell a story.

Hajime: When I was small-

Tooru: *Wheezes*

Hajime:

Tooru: *Bent over from laughter* Was?-

Hajime:

Tooru:

Hajime: *kills Tooru who had 79 levels and like diamond armour*

alternatively, Iwa and Hiro interactions would be like

Hiro: What a day

Hajime: What happened

Hiro: Nothing, living is tiring

Hajime:

Hiro:

Hajime: okay do you have wood

also yeah, this is a b99 quote but this would definitely happen if they were playing hungergames/pvp???

Tooru: So how'd you convince the whole squad to betray me?

Tooru: What did you offer them?

Hiro: I asked them if they wanted to embarrass you and they instantly said yes

Tooru:

Hiro:

Tooru: I'm not gonna lie that turns me on a little bit