#painfulmemory

[sup3rqu33n]

in the tub i killed a spider.

it reminded me of tyler.

watched it struggle, watched it writhe;

just another sacrifice.

as he weeps about his pain,

he’ll keep stabbing til I’m drained;

like a predatory bleeder,

victim camouflages reaper.

poured shampoo, watched it drown,

spider struggled, flush it down;

it’s me in my innocence,

trapped in tyler’s cold pretense.

to tyler, i'm that spider there;

to spider, i'm its worst nightmare;

i'm a predator yet prey,

shifting roles like night to day.

think of tyler, not the spider,

one so cruel yet i'm no kinder;

drained my heart, he played for free

with my spider misery.

[raniajam]

It wasn't just food we were searching for —

it was the dignity we lost in the crowd.

I stood among them, holding empty pots with hands even emptier than my heart.

We fought for a piece that might not even be enough,

because hunger doesn't care about pride.

Every night, I promised myself:

One day, I'll live with dignity.

But every day, that dream seemed farther away.

#MyStory #PainfulMemories #HardLife #FightingToSurvive #BrokenDreams #Hunger #Poverty #LifeStruggles #HopeInDarkness #tumblr_aesthetic

[recoverytrauma]

Trauma Survivors

#Sadness #Heartbreak #EmotionalPain #Loneliness #Melancholy #Sorrow #Grief #Tears #LostHope #Despair #SadVibes #BrokenHeart #FeelingBlue #SadThoughts #HeavyHeart #PainfulMemories #Isolation #SadMoments #InnerStruggles #Bittersweet

[harikarhoda]

It Costed My Mental Health!

One habit from my engineering days that costed me my mental health is preparing night before the exam. During college days it seemed fun when I used to postpone all work, classwork, assignments, lab work and exam preparation till the last minute. I loved preparing the night before when I would be stressed and running with time to get the respective job done. This has put me into a habit of…

[storiedtreasures88]

In honor of the 20th anniversary of the attacks of September 11th, 2001, I did a lone flag walk with one of my vintage flags through the city of Whittier. The reception was a very enthusiastic one, with over 200 individual honks, waves, salutes, and cheers... I was even fortunate enough to have a brief conversation with someone whose family had ties to the event that took place in New York. . . On September 11th, 2001, I was only 13 years old. Early that morning I was getting ready for school and was bothered my parents wouldn't switch the news off so I could watch cartoons... From what I saw it just seemed as if a fire was burning inside the building. I didn't see what the fuss over a fire was about... I wanted to watch cartoons! Though this is comical looking back on it.... I couldn't tell you what show it was I wanted to watch... But I CAN tell you the reaction I had when I saw the second plane enter the camera and slam into the south Tower of the World Trade Center... The screams of terrified New Yorkers heard even from that distance. My eyes widened...and I dropped the spoon I'd been eating breakfast with. My Grandfather was a WW2 vet, so I had a fairly advanced idea of war, terrorism, and a general 'Good guy, bad guy,' understanding. . Of the most powerful memories I have there was one guy, who, even now, chokes me up as I remember.... This man had been trapped and broke a window, on the North Tower I believe... He began climbing down!! wedging his back against one concrete columns and his feet against the other... This man was hundreds of feet up!!! Nothing below him!! We held our breath as the camera transfixed as the camera followed him. He' gonna make it!! He was below the fire and trying to break the glass of a window then crawl BACK inside to safety... He slipped...I shut my eyes when I saw him clutch the sky and plunge out of frame. That image.... I'll remember till the day I die and I can never watch the shots of this man ever again... I can't. . Though 20yrs have passed, some memories NEVER fade. . #september11 #worldtradecenter #rememberseptember #911 #memories #godblessthefallen #flag #iremember #neverforget #neverforget911 #painfulmemories https://www.instagram.com/p/CTvWESUPByS/?utm_medium=tumblr

[poseidonthoughts]

3. The Black Rose

      Roses are purportedly available in all colors except black. Similar to the elusive 'black rose,' our family relationships presented an illusion to the outside world, with my father orchestrating these illusions. The inception of this facade dates back to when I was just 6 years old. For reasons unknown, my father concluded that I brought ill luck to him and his career. Despite my mother's attempts to shield me, her efforts were in vain. From a very tender age, my father harbored a strong disdain for me, subjecting me to physical abuse over trivial matters.

It only dawned on me in adulthood that when one harbors hatred towards another, they can resort to extreme measures to manifest that hatred. The reasons behind my father's intense animosity remained a mystery, buried with him in his grave.

My communication with others was restricted, hindering my ability to form friendships, while my relatives perceived me as psychologically imbalanced. Little did they realize that this was all a fabrication meticulously constructed by my father to keep people at bay, isolating me from society. Unbeknownst to them, I was ensnared by a monstrous man who, unfortunately, happened to be my father.

[somnolence-is-dead]

I miss the days we would roll down the windows, drive way too fast to music we had playing way to loud, and sing along, letting our feelings and voices get lost in the haze of summer.

[myserendipities]

It's now possible to alter memories of severe heartbreak to lessen the emotional pain associated with them, according to research by a McGill University team. "It does, a little bit, sound like science fiction, but it no longer is," Alain Brunet, a professor of psychiatry at McGill's Douglas Research Centre, told The Current's interim host Laura Lynch. Brunet's most recent study on the concept worked with 60 participants who had experienced severe heartbreak — severe enough to trigger a psychiatric condition, with symptoms of anxiety and depression. Brunet's team asked participants to write an account of their "romantic betrayal event," and then gave them the beta blocker drug propranolol, which is commonly used to treat high blood pressure. Recalling the painful memory while under the influence of propranolol, the team found, reduced the strength of the emotions associated with the memory. The effect has to do with how memories are stored and recovered in the brain, Brunet explained — a process known as "reconsolidation" of memory. "When you recall the memory, it needs to be saved again to long-term memory storage," he said. During that process of recollection, people also get in touch with the original emotion they felt — "and that emotion is also a memory." What researchers in this field now understand, Brunet said, is that it's possible to intervene as the memory is saved back to long-term storage in the brain. That's where propranolol comes in. "Propranolol has this property of interfering with the re-recording of parts of the memory and particularly the emotional component," he said. In the romantic betrayal study, the researchers asked participants to fill out a questionnaire each week to measure the severity of the symptoms. After four to six weeks, participants were able to read their own story of betrayal with far less emotional response. "They feel like it could be a page that's been taken from a novel," he said. Brunet's team has seen similar results in studies using propranolol with people experiencing different kinds of painful emotional memories and traumatic stress, including a study with survivors of the 2015 Paris terror attacks. He said this form of treatment, known as reconsolidation therapy, can replace other PTSD treatments "that would take months to years to obtain good results." "It's really a big step forward from the perspective of mental health," he said.

It may be possible to 'alter' memories of heartbreak so they hurt less, research finds | CBC Radio

[artistlove17]

Painful Poetry (on Wattpad) https://my.w.tt/mLLyidkhbY

These are the poems I’ve written through my depression and problems. I’ve seen a lot of death the past several years and been through a lot of things I never imagined going through… and well, this is where I’ll be posting my personal poetry about when life gets bad. ( TRIGGER WARNING!!!! Do NOT read if easily triggered by death/suicide/self harm…

[cifxentes-blog]

tag drop!

[doodleslice]

In an Elegant Envelope Perfumed with desire Secret phrases In hopeful calligraphy Fragrance fading Seal unbroken In a dusty box Memories too painful to open Too dear to let go ___ By Doodleslice 2022-05-24 #poem #poetry #love #sweetmemories #painfulmemories #doodleslice (at Doodleslice Dojo) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cd81qUkud_c/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[mememimay-blog]

If only

I stormed out of the house one chilly morning, leaving my father and stepmother behind. It was early in November, and the breeze seeps through my jacket. The scent of pancakes and coffee filled my nostrils as I passed Mr. Laurenzo’s cafe. You’re probably wondering where I am going. For the sake of information, I would tell you that I’m going to “my mountain top”. Not a literal mountain top, of course. There’s no mountain in the city. My mountain top refers to the rooftop of a small law firm a few blocks away from home. No, wait. It’s not a home anymore since my stepmother arrived.

I am a certified daddy’s girl. He buys me everything I want and he lets me do the things that I want to do, except the bad one’s, of course. As the only child, I’m spoiled rotten. His treatment never changed even after my mother passed away due to leukemia when I was eight. I think he loved me even more after that.

Daddy is a successful businessman. We lived in luxury and comfort until my stepmother arrived. I mean, my dad’s business is still progressive, but the presence of stepmother is upsetting. Everything has changed when my dad married her six months ago. Everyone think she’s a great woman, but I don’t. I can sense something lurking behind her wide smile. And it infuriates me every time she makes decisions for me. Duh? She’s not a family. The more she pushes herself to connect with me, the more I get irritated. Honestly, I don’t know what dad sees in her. She’s neither smart nor pretty.

She also spends excessive amount of dad’s money on clothes and accessories. I saw her holding hands with a bulky man once, and I told dad about it. But he ignored me. He just shrugged it off and insisted that he’s just a friend. I think my stepmother is doing something to hypnotize my dad or whatever. Maybe she’s practicing some voodoo or any black magic. Ugh.I definitely hate her.

Anyways, I walked out from the house because of what my dad and stepmother told me. I know it’s the witch’s will, and my dad just went with the flow of her plan. You see, tomorrow’s my eighteenth birthday, and they didn’t allow me to invite my friends. Like, WHAT? It’s supposedly my birthday! What’s the point of having a party if I can’t invite my friends? - Yes, my wicked stepmother organized a party which would be a jungle of alcoholics and middle-aged people. It really ignited the anger deep within me. I don’t know what my stepmom is thinking. I think she’s out of her mind. And I’m super disappointed with my dad because he agreed just like that. I mean, how could he do this to me? I’m supposedly his princess!

******************

 The sun was beginning to set, its angry orange streaks reaching desperately for what remained of the sky, when I decided to go home. My anger already dimmed, but not totally extinguished. I’ve been thinking the whole day, and I’m going to confront my stepmom when I arrive at my dad’s house. I believe that I have the right to remind her about her role in our family and in my life, which she definitely has no part.

The familiar homey scent welcomed me as I opened the front door. It;s silent. They’re probably out.No, wait. She’s probably out but I’m certain my dad is just somewhere in the house.  “Dad?” I called. Nobody answered, but I heard some noise coming from the back of the house. I sighed and walked to the kitchen. And I saw what would haunt me forever.

He was struggling on the kitchen floor, vomiting some sticky red something, and it was only a few seconds before I realized that it was a blood. My legs turned jelly. I stood frozen and I did nothing but watch him die slowly. my system seemed paralyzed, and the icy look in his eyes when his breathing finally stopped made me shiver. I wanted to scream but no sound will come out from my throat. Then something hard hit my head and everything went pitch black.

*******************

When I woke up, I found myself lying in a cold metal bed. I slowly sat up and looked around. I’m in a grey cell which smells like rotten rags. The door is about two meters away from the bed, and there’s a small fluorescent hanging from the ceiling. The door slowly opened, and a woman in white scrub suit entered. She’s tall, with an aristocratic nose, pale green eyes, and graying hair.

“You’re finally awake”, she said gently, which reminds me of my mother. 

“What happened? My dad?” I asked.

She smiled sadly and said, “I guess you’d want to look around”.

I followed her outside. It’s silent, and the corridors are dimly lit. At first I thought this was a hospital, but as we continued walk, I concluded that this is not the usual hospital. It’s different.

We finally reached an opening which lead to wide field. I stepped out and looked around. There were people wearing baby blue clothes. I looked down and I realize that I’m wearing one, too. I saw a girl about my age sitting on a bench nearby. I walked towards her. She’s blonde, with blue-grey eyes, like vulture’s. She’s staring blankly at the space, and her mouth is slightly open.

“Hey,” I said, as I waved my hand in front of her. It took some minutes for her to finally look at me, her face still blank. Then I realized that something’s wrong. I looked around and saw that we are surrounded by massive walls and barbed wires. I looked back at the door and stared towards it. Then something knocked me off balance. It took me seconds to realize that I was knocked off. I slowly stood up and came face-to-face with a black guy with an exaggerated huge smile.

“You’re new,” he said as-a-matter-of-factly.

“Obviously. And you don’t really have to knock me off like that,” I said.

“Of course. Hey, you’re the one who was sent here yesterday by your aunt, right? Or was it your aunt? Neighbor? Stepmother? Hahahaha. I don’t know,” he said.

I already knew where I am. I’m in a mental institution.

I ran inside and saw more people in white scrub suits/

“Why am I here? I’m not insane! I;m not a lunatic! My father just died! I need to get out of here!” I shouted, as my tears fell down my cheeks. I was scared and confused and frustrated but I know too well that I’m not insane.

The woman who accompanied me a while ago come closer.

“Calm down, dear. We know this would happen. Come on, ypu need to take more rest,” she said

“Are you kidding me? I’m fine! I’m well! I need to get out of here and confront my stepmother! I need to see my father! He died! I saw him in the kitchen!” I said furiously.

“She’s the one who killed him, Isn’t she? someone asked.

I looked at the petite woman who said it and knocked her off her feet.

“I didn’t kill my father, you ugly! You are crazy! Why would I do that? I-”

The people in white grabbed my arm as I continued to scream, kick, and struggle. Then one of them held out a syringe and stabbed my arm with it.

My body suddenly felt numb, and I slowly kicking. My body went limp, and my eyes as my surroundings slowly turned blurry.

If only I hadn’t out that morning.

If only I had come home early that day.

I could’ve stopped my stepmother from doing what she have done.

[harikarhoda]

Words of Wisdom

I’ve always been that dramatic child at home who gets the most attention and pampering for I was the first born and only girl with two younger brothers.I was like the Princess of the house and so automatically I overreact to things. No wonder I get everything easily.But when that moment comes that we move out of our small world into corporate life, things change drastically.The reality hit me…

[motivationalquotes123]

BELIEVE (on Wattpad) https://www.wattpad.com/story/259551687?utm_source=android&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details_button&wp_uname=Tumelomashiane&wp_originator=aQjIZMUb1KwFqy7hEKTC7aVnTREWefLAAuiuu4Qa2prNcCAjPRhuO3OX%2F5fIgWoN1LI9D6Ejvf8%2FSkbx9VMT4qOwl9cKZrZKOQBjP5BVq246n0bpqwdbhRQy63SJhjIQ PLEASE WHEN YOU ARE DONE READING,SHARE IT TO OTHER PEOPLE.The story is about affirming.Lifting up those who have fallen down.It cheers you up!BE MOTIVATED AND KEEP TRYING HARD.I be happy if you read,comment and share!🙏🏻

[chrismacdad]

Sometimes it’s time to #buildtogether and make #newmemories that replace #painfulmemories #letsbuildtogether #domesticabuserecovery #LEGO #legobricks #legocreator #legocommunity #legofan #legoinstagram #legolife #legominifig #legominifigures #legophotography #legostagram #brickstagram #instalego #toycrewbuddies #toyphotography #satx #satxblogger #afol #chrismacdad #legomodular #legocornergarage (at Converse, Texas) https://www.instagram.com/p/CDK50aup1uw/?igshid=l43u4r6vxp4o