#outset recordings

[babydin]

Make A Wish - REQUEST

ANON REQUESTED: But what if Sarah never died? And Reader was married to Joel pre-outbreak but when the outbreak happened they (Reader and Sarah) got separated from Joel and he was convinced they had both died. But then they reunite in Jackson.

- Joel Miller x f!reader - 18+, minors DNI! - Joel is dad, references to violence, domesticated af, angsty, fluff, pre-outbreak, post-outbreak, time-jumps. - 2490 words  - Comments/likes appreciated. Requests are open! A/N: I had some song inspo with this one in the way of Zambezi by Rationale (released under Tinashe). I also headcanoned that the Miller brothers are (at least) half Latino seeing as they had two Latino actors play them. Fight me on it.

Do you remember the day the soldiers came with all their guns? 'Cause I remember begging you to leave my love, "Just run! Past the river, don't you dare look back for me my love. I will come. I will come, because you're the one."

 You knew what you were getting yourself into. Your mother thought you were insane but she didn’t know Joel Miller like you did. He was 4 years divorced when you met him with the sweetest little girl. He made it clear from the outset that he was a single father, and Sarah’s mother had left when Sarah was a baby and she wasn’t coming back “I’m tellin’ y’now because girls tend t’ cut an’ run the second they find out I’m a twofer.” he explained on the first date your best friend had set you up on. “Sarah is my number one, she is my top priority.”

You hadn’t intended to date anyone who ‘was a twofer’ as he put it, but the way he spoke about his daughter, and the way his face lit up when he did, you knew you wanted to give him a shot.   You dated, you married after two years of being together, and you had 8 years of marital bliss as a perfectly happy family before the world turned on its ass.

OUTBREAK DAY

You find Joel and Sarah in the kitchen making dinner. The Clash are playing from a vinyl record in the next room and they’re both so into it; You remember Joel telling you that Sarah had been a fan of the Clash since she was a baby.

“You should be sitting down doing nothing, birthday boy.” You tell him, swatting his rear end playfully as you lean over his shoulder to see what he’s fixing. Of course it’s a chili con carne; he was half Texan half Latino.

“And leave the cookin’ to you two? Yeah ‘cus that’s how I wanna spend the rest of my birthday… dead.”

“Hey!” Sarah drawls.

You pinch his sides and it coaxes a ticklish squeal from him.

Sarah goes to set the dinner table, singing to Joe Strummer's ongoing debate about whether he should stay or whether he should go.

There’s an almighty bang from somewhere and it’s enough to make Joel put his spoon down, “Sarah?”

You both turn around to go into the dining room but Sarah’s on her way back with a fist full of cutlery to ask the same question.

“What the hell was that?” Joel asked, “Did you drop something? Did something fall?”

Sarah shakes her head, her ringlets bounce as she does and her eyes are full of fear.

Joel’s trying to figure out if she means that or if she’s saying no because she’s scared to say yes. The second bang answers his question.

“What the fuck?” he mutters, and goes to the front door to see what’s going on. Sarah finds comfort in your arms and you rub your hand over her back and tell her it’ll be okay. You can hear commotion outside and you put one hand over Sarah’s ear and press her into your chest so she can’t hear.  You can hear Joel talking to the neighbors but you can’t hear what he’s saying, then suddenly there’s a PA urging people to stay inside.

Joel comes back after a few moments, “Military jets,” he says from the hallway as he makes his way back through the house “they just sonic “they just went supersonic, there’s somethin’ happenin’.” he doesn’t come back to you, he goes straight to the living room and turns on the TV. You don’t fully listen to what is said but you hear the words ‘risk to life’ and ‘infected’.

“Jesus fuckin’ christ.”

You jump nearly out of your skin and cling tighter to Sarah when the door bursts open and Joel’s brother Tommy runs through the house “Joelie! Joel!” He finds the two of you in the kitchen and then Joel joins you all.

“What the fuck is going on man?” Joel begs the question, leaning in to turn off the stove. The chili is ruined now, he’s sure of it.

“There are soldiers everywhere, they’re telling everyone to stay inside, but the infection is spreading like wildfire here, if we stay we ain’t got a chance in hell Joel, we have to get out of town.”

You feel Sarah’s body tremble and there’s a slight moisture that falls on your shirt and you realize she’s silently crying. If you squeeze her any tighter she might suffocate but you do anyway, just to try and shield her from the horrors that are unfolding. She had started calling you Mom when she was 9 years old, and you loved her like she was yours from the day you met,  “We can’t just leave. We can’t–” You look at Joel desperately.

Joel looks at you, and he looks at Tommy. You can see he’s torn, he needs to keep his family safe and right now he doesn’t know if leaving is the safest option or staying put is.

Should I stay or should I go? 

“Alright, let’s go.” He says finally. “Go upstairs, throw some stuff in a bag.”

“Hurry up.” Tommy adds.

  You punch him in the chest as you walk past him, holding Sarah’s hand to lead her upstairs to help her pack a bag. You try to keep her talking to distract her from the screaming, and the gunfire from the situation that has escalated outside, through the window you see a faint glow of flames and you wonder how the hell you’re even going to make it out of the town. It’s difficult for a 14 year old to whittle down the most important things in her life to one rucksack, it’s difficult for you to decide what from your 10 year relationship with Joel means enough to survive the apocalypse. Because that’s how it felt. You take your wedding photos, you take childhood photos from Sarah’s life; things like that can’t be replaced but other shit can.

You both head back downstairs and you throw Joel his bag. The vinyl has stopped and it’s now skipping but it doesn’t feel like there’s time to lift the needle. You just leave the house and cram into Tommy’s truck. Something down the street catches Joel’s eye and he gets back out again.

“Joel!” you and Tommy both yell at the same time Sarah cries out “Daddy!”

“I’ll catch you up!” he yells back.

“The fuck you will.” You mutter under your breath, getting out of the truck too, “Joel Miller!”

He stops and turns around, “Run.” he orders, looking over your shoulder at his crying daughter in the back seat of the truck, “I’ll find you.” he looks back at you, “I promise I’ll find you.”

There are soldiers surrounding you who start to scream at you to get back inside your house, their guns aimed to tell you that their threats are serious.

“I’ll find you.” 

FOUR YEARS LATER

You knew what you were getting yourself into. You knew what you were getting yourself into when you fell in love with Joel Miller and his four year old daughter. Your mother thought you were insane and maybe she was right. What you didn’t expect was for a bunch of mutant mushrooms to eat away at people’s brains and turn them into, well, there was no easier way to say it than zombies. You didn’t expect Joel to be missing, presumed dead, and to raise Sarah mostly by yourself. The people of Jackson were helpful people, they were in a tight knit community because they had no choice but to be. Where else were they going to go in a world of nothing? It had been four years since you last saw Joel. Four years, nine months and twenty nine days to be exact. You made a point to count the days because you didn’t want Sarah to ever miss a birthday. She was turning 18 now, and if the world was normal she’d be getting excited to make plans for college and register to vote - because Sarah Miller was very opinionated and had a good head on her shoulders, and she definitely would not have let her voice go unheard - but the world wasn’t normal. So you woke as you always did, tucked up together in a double bed, the morning sun illuminating the room with a golden glow and the two of you stretching like a couple of lazy house cats. “Happy birthday, baby!” You croak, pulling her closer. The older she got the closer your relationship became, it might’ve been pathetic but she was your best friend and you hoped you were hers. She wasn’t a child anymore, she was an adult (although it pained you to admit she hadn’t been a child for a long time). “Thank you.” She smiled sleepily and scrubbed her eyes. She wouldn’t have known if it weren’t for you counting down the days. “What’s your birthday wish this year?” You ask. Sarah sighed and looked over your shoulder at the photograph on your nightstand of you and Joel on your wedding day, six year old Sarah who had been a flower girl, tucked onto his hip as you all smiled into the camera. A perfect picture of a happy family. “Him.” It’s been the same wish for the last four years, and you wish you could fulfill it for her. “I know, baby. I miss him too.. More than anything actually. I don’t miss going to the movies, or grocery shopping, or parent-teacher conferences or any of the boring, mundane stuff that just doesn’t exist anymore. At least not in the capacity that it used to… I just miss him.” In an attempt to lighten the mood a little you add, “I made a cake for you last night, you want some for your breakfast?” “For breakfast?!” “It’s your birthday! And you’re an adult now.” The day passes by as the days often do, slowly and unspectacularly. On slow days nothing happens in Jackson, occasionally bandits come and try to raid the dam that powers the town but their missions are always shut down quickly by those appointed to secure it. You and Sarah are tending to the patch of vegetables you have in your front yard when you hear a voice from the entrance of the town echo “Stop right there!” Both of you look up. You can’t see what’s happening but you wish people would stop pointing their guns. You can only assume someone has wandered through the forest and found the town, the guard on the gate has stopped them in their tracks. Understandably, newcomers aren’t welcomed warmly in fear of infection. You see the person set down a rifle, and a backpack and their hands disappear from their side to, you assume, rise in surrender. You strain slightly and hear a gruff voice speak but you cannot make out words and no matter where you position yourself you cannot get a good look at the newcomer.  The guard yells for Tommy, who is always close by and your interest is piqued. You rise from your knees and your eyes scan for where Tommy is going to come from, when you find him you watch him, you study his face and you watch it fall. He points a finger at the guard, “Put your fucking gun down! Don’t you dare! Don’t you shoot!” he picks up his pace, he jogs, he runs. You start to walk and you hear a second voice yell for Tommy. It’s the newcomer’s voice. It’s familiar somehow. The two men come into view, locked in a tight embrace, you can only see Tommy but you keep walking towards them, you barely hear Sarah calling out ‘Mom’ from the swirling in your head. “Tommy?” You ask when you’re in earshot. The newcomer pries himself out of Tommy’s grip and his head snaps in your direction. A lump forms in your throat and your chest heaves so much you feel as if you could throw up. Joel. It’s him. It’s really him. He’s got flecks of silver running through his hair now, maybe a few more wrinkles. Patches of darkened skin from wounds he’s gained over the years, and a few small fresh purple bruises. You haven’t seen him cry since Sarah moved up from Kindergarten to big girl school and she was gone all day and he didn’t know what to do with himself. You thought he’d be better when she went from middle school to high school but he was just as bad then. But he was crying now. He was sobbing in such a way you wondered if he’d been alone for these years apart; you didn’t ask, it didn’t matter. He was here. You could hardly believe it. Your eyes filled with tears of joy; you had dreamed of the day that Joel might be returned to you, although you had given up hope of that ever happening, you had imagined yourself being the same sobbing mess that Joel was but you weren’t at all. Your body was vibrating with delight, and your smile was so big your cheeks were hurting. “Hi.” you whispered. That was all it took for him to drag you into his arms and squeeze you so tightly that it almost winded you. You took all of him in again, the feeling of his body against yours, his arms wrapped around you, the smell of him in your nose. “I thought I’d lost you forever.” he whispered, “I thought you’d—” he couldn’t finish that sentence, but you knew, because you thought the same of him.  “You said you’d find us. You did.” Us. Joel’s eyes open and scan the surroundings over your shoulder, you hear him sob and he pulls away from you and he runs towards her. His baby girl. Sarah starts crying as she jumps up into his arms, her limbs wrapping around him like a koala bear. It doesn’t matter how old she gets, she’ll always be his baby. You approach them and hear Joel whispering “Look at you,” as he brushes his hand over the back of her head, “my little girl, look at you.” Sarah dropped down so she could look at him too, your arms wrapped around Joel’s middle as he studied her face so carefully, his fingers delicately mapping out her features, “You’re all grown up,” he says in a chuckle, but with a hint of sorrow in his voice. “I wished for you.” Sarah tells him, her voice has more childlike innocence in it than you’ve heard in a long time. “Today is my birthday, Daddy. I wished for you.” Joel put one arm around you so he could embrace the both of you, “I always knew you were magic, babygirl.” “Are you staying here with us? Are we going to be a family again?” “No.” you answer before Joel does, much to the surprise of your husband and daughter, “Not until he’s had a shower.” Joel breathes out a sigh of relief and kisses your forehead.

[amygobrrr]

a Jackie Taylor character analysis

or, why—

[I'm serious btw. this is ~3800 words, or about 15 minutes reading time.]

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The Facts of the Case

"For the record... I was trying to save you." Jackie. 1996, 1x02

(Nothing else Jackie ever says sums up who she is more succinctly than that.)

Our first real introduction to Jackie Taylor as a character—the first shot of her bedroom scene in 1x01—is a framed photo of her sitting close to Shauna, at a party. This is also the very first protagonist-centric character scene of the entire show; from the outset, we are told that the relationship between Jackie and Shauna will be critically important to the narrative. They are best friends, it's implied they do practically everything together, and right from their very first scenes we see how important they are to each other.

Yet likewise from the beginning, we see the fractures between them.

Shauna hides her acceptance to Brown from Jackie, and is uncomfortable with the assumption that she will be following her friend to Rutgers. She disapproves of Jackie's boyfriend sneaking out of her room, and is frustrated by Jackie telling her what to wear and who to hook up with. She is visibly upset at seeing Jackie and her boyfriend together at a party, and, on the way home, has sex with said boyfriend.

Jackie makes her boyfriend drop her off from the party first, forcing Shauna to wait much longer to get home. After Shauna chooses a rival plan for survival over hers, she gives her the cold shoulder, even actively tries to make her jealous. Jackie steals and reads Shauna's journal, and outs her pregnancy to the rest of the team. She sleeps with the only eligible man in the wilderness, just to try and hurt Shauna.

Jackie and Shauna may care deeply about each other, but we see them spending an awful lot of time driving wedges into the space between themselves.

So why do they behave this way? Why does Jackie fidget sadly with her necklace, why does she look at Shauna the way she does before giving the necklace to her, why is she so heartbroken over a boy she says she barely even likes, why is she so crestfallen at the idea Shauna lost her virginity without telling her, why does she pull Travis away at Doomcoming and look back at Shauna the whole time? Why does Shauna seem to think Jackie has abruptly backtracked with Jeff, why is she so disapproving when she sees Jackie leave Doomcoming with Travis, or when she sees Jeff leave her house? Why does she look so heartbroken when she sees Jackie and Jeff dancing together at the party? Why are they both so hurt and hardened towards each other at the end of it all, and yet why does Shauna's heart still seize in anguish the next morning?

I believe all of those questions have the same, straightforward answer:

Before the crash, Jackie and Shauna were hooking up with each other in secret, and never mentioning a word of it—let alone talking through their feelings for each other.

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Some Mysteries Are Better Left Unsolved

"[Jeff and I have] been together for so long that if we're each others' firsts, then we'll be linked forever. It's more poetic that way. Oh! That reminds me—I decided on a color palette for our room at Rutgers next year." Jackie. 1996, 1x01

They make an unspoken habit of it; one always dragging the other away at parties after a few drinks under the pretense of mere friendly accompaniment. Jackie is reluctant to go all the way with her boyfriend Jeff; even after four years together, something always holds her back. She knows (or strongly believes, anyway, which is the same thing) that that's not entirely normal, and she wants more than anything to be normal, so she takes it in stages. She builds up to it with her boyfriend—slowly—and with her best friend—less slowly, but more comfortably. And it's fine—because Shauna is a girl, after all. Nothing they do together even counts. It's just fun. It's practice, for the real thing. It doesn't count.

But tipsy trysts alone aren't enough to fully explain the dynamic we see. Jackie had a change of heart regarding Jeff—what happened? Shauna seems a little hurt but also genuinely confused that they're back together at the beginning of the show, and even more so that Jackie intends to sleep with him 'for real' before college. I don't believe guilt over her actions fully accounts for her reaction. No, there is something else here, too; I think that, as important as Jackie and Shauna's clandestine hookups are to their dynamic, just as important is the fact that at some point they end. It's Jackie who puts a stop to them, possibly in the midst of the final time it happens.

I think Jackie, at a party some time around the beginning of the show—and maybe even giddy with the fresh excitement of a game or championship win—allows herself to be swept away in the moment with her best friend. Maybe she catches herself about to push too far with Shauna, about to venture into territory that she would have real trouble pretending "doesn't count," even with alcohol and adrenaline buzzing through her veins. Maybe she catches herself wishing that this could be her normal, that she could be with Shauna instead of Jeff. The specifics aren't what matters.

I think Jackie has long been vaguely aware that what she feels for Shauna falls outside of what you would expect for a friend, even a best friend. Normally, she doesn't give it a second thought; it's Shauna, of course it feels different. This time, though, she has a moment of extreme clarity about what exactly it is they're doing, and what it means that she wants it. More specifically, Jackie realizes what it says about her that she craves everything with Shauna that she cannot bring herself to crave with Jeff.

Jackie is in love with her best friend—and that makes her gay.

Jackie realizes, and the knowledge terrifies her.

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The Necklace

"And, here... it's a good-luck charm. Now nothing can touch you." Jackie. 1996, 1x01

Our attention is drawn to Jackie's heart pendant four times in the pilot episode. In order: we see it on the body of the girl hunted in the cold open, we see Jackie fidget with it after brushing her teeth, we see her fidget with it again during the pep rally, and we see her give it to Shauna on the airplane before takeoff. Three of the four scenes feature Jackie, with only the first finding her absent. That initial sighting certainly seems the most cryptic—we learn very quickly that it's Jackie's necklace, so why is someone else wearing it?

While we would need to see through Shauna's eyes to truly satisfy that question, for now at least the fourth scene—in the airplane—provides an answer: the necklace has nomadic tendencies. Jackie gives it as a protective charm to Shauna, who doesn't seem at all surprised by the gesture. Quite the contrary, exchanging the heart feels more like a known ritual between the two, maybe even first established during the trip to Hilton Head that Jackie references in preamble. (This ritual will be repeated—in the other direction—when Shauna gives Jackie a pep talk in 1x05.) Shauna holds the pendant close, clutching it with her entire fist. The thing seems just as precious to her now as it does to Jackie in the remaining scenes; perhaps it was originally a gift from one to the other?

Regardless of whether or not we are meant to infer that the necklace was a gift, in the pep rally scene we are explicitly shown that Jackie does strongly associate it with Shauna. It's a very brief moment in comparison to the full scene we get on the airplane—just one look exchanged, a set of smiles shared. After the Yellowjackets stream into the gym and line up to victorious music, Shauna looks past Lottie over to Jackie. And Jackie is already looking back, smiling as she plays with the heart pendant. Shauna's own grin widens, full and genuine, until it reaches all the way to her eyes. Jackie savors the look for a moment, then glances away, smile unbroken... her goal seemingly achieved.

What goal?

The bathroom scene is an even quicker blip than the gym, yet I believe it's the most impactful and telling of the four. One single shot with a punch-in. Jackie brushes her teeth quickly and then gazes in the mirror, looking forlorn as she fiddles with the necklace. On its own this one scene is not particularly remarkable—its true significance comes from the two others it glues together.

The scene preceding is the aforementioned bedroom introduction. Jackie is in bed with Jeff and he is clearly pushing their activities farther than she finds comfortable. Jackie fakes it to get things over with, powering through as he tells her he loves her. She lets Jeff think he's doing well... and as her immediate reward is coaxed into reciprocating his advances, and then some.

Jackie scrubs her teeth violently. She is unhappy.

The scene following is the car ride with Shauna where we learn that Jackie has suddenly gotten back together with Jeff. When Shauna brings him up, Jackie laughs and shrugs it off, but not before a flash of nervousness escapes in her chuckle—she tries twice to change the subject away from her boyfriend, only finding success once they pass a sign prompting her to talk shit on the boys' baseball team by singing the praises of the girls' own soccer team. Jackie leans out the window as her best friend rolls her eyes and giggles at her antics.

Jackie whoops for joy. She is happy.

Viewed as a whole, the sequence paints a clear picture: Jackie does not truly want to be with her boyfriend. She is unhappy both while and after she is alone with Jeff, happy while alone with Shauna, and while truly alone between the two encounters, draws some kind of strength from the necklace we know she associates with Shauna. In the car, she is eager to turn conversation away from her boyfriend and onto her best friend.

In her mind, everything she's doing with Jeff, everything she's letting him do with her? She is doing it to save her friendship with Shauna. She is working to build plausible deniability.

"I have a curfew too, you know." "Yeah, but... you know what my parents are like." Shauna and Jackie. 1996, 1x01

Conformity is the only weapon Jackie has against her parents' expectations, and naturally she is an expert in its misuse. Plausible deniability is the only tool at her disposal to avoid scaring Shauna away, and so Jackie picks up a double major. Half her work is already done; it's not like they'd ever talked about what they were doing or what it meant, so she can count on Shauna to never bring it up—as long as Jackie withdraws to the safety of being normal best friends.

If Shauna knew the truth, if she knew what Jackie cannot un-know... she would walk away, their friendship ruined, and it would be Jackie's fault. It would be Jackie's fault for being this way, and so the other half of her work must be undertaken. Jeff is living proof that whatever they've done together wasn't real, that Jackie could never be interested in her friend that way. Jeff, therefore, must stay, so that Shauna will stay. Jackie must be strong, for Shauna.

Each of the three necklace scenes Jackie has in the pilot shows us something very specific about her relationship to Shauna. On the airplane, Jackie wraps Shauna in her love—for protection. In the privacy of her bathroom, Jackie wraps herself in Shauna's love—for strength.

And in the gym, in public, Jackie suns herself in the warmth of their friendship—her strength rewarded.

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Abandonment and the Wilderness

"What did I do? When did you stop wanting me to be your best friend?" Jackie. 1996, 1x07

The thought of Shauna replacing her with another is something Jackie dreads above almost all else. Whether in conflict, in resolution, or both, most of the battles and the skirmishes that we see play out between the two revolve around this fear.

Shauna gets upset and causes trouble at the party in the woods before seeming hurt that Jackie hasn't complimented her, so Jackie attempts reassurance by emphasizing how important their friendship is. Her choice of approach here seems at least partly motivated by a guilty conscience (with a side of projection): deep down, she knows that she is trying to replace Shauna... with Jeff. Jackie feels guilty for ending their hookups in favor of her boyfriend, so she assuages that guilt by firmly stating no, Shauna, you're not going anywhere. Jeff could never be my best friend. Only you. This fight ends when Shauna confirms she understands her importance to Jackie.

(As an aside, the timid "Hi" and "Are... are we cool?" Jackie greets Shauna with after the team-building exercise have such a soft lilt to them that they seem decidedly more than friendly.)

After the crash, Shauna snubs Jackie's plan for survival in favor of Taissa's—so Jackie gets buddy-buddy with Mari. Here, Jackie nakedly projects her fear through her actions: Shauna wants to choose Tai over Jackie, well, we'll see how she likes it when Jackie chooses Mari over Shauna. Things are only patched over between them when Shauna comes to Jackie with extra blankets saying she is scared and needs her best friend. Jackie melts at once.

This next one is not really a fight, but does involve reassurance: when the team grows annoyed with Jackie for not pitching in, Shauna pulls her aside to try and find something she can do. Jackie flunks out of badass butchering school, so Shauna switches gears to attempt a pep talk, which goes badly until she lands on the winning words.

"You taught me how to be like this, you know. You make people think things are gonna be okay, just by showing up and being your dumb, hot, awesome self. At least you always did that for me." Shauna. 1996, 1x05

Jackie softens, but holds firm on putting a knife through a deer knee, which Shauna accepts, but counters that Jackie still needs to find something to do. "We need you, Jackie." Shauna pulls out her trump card—she returns the heart pendant to its place around Jackie's neck. "I mean, you're basically the best, remember?" she says. Jackie preens, and a hug seals the deal.

By the time Taissa leads her ill-fated expedition away from the cabin, Shauna has been sneaking around around conspiring with her for a while, so Jackie jumps on the opportunity to corner her and demand an answer. This fight also happens to be when Jackie finally gives voice to the worry she carries; she openly wonders what she could have done to make Shauna want to replace her. And again, the fight ends not so much when Shauna spills a half-truth, but when Shauna allows her to simply be there. Jackie's relief is palpable as she stays cheerful for her best friend, wrapping her in maybe the tightest hug we see throughout the entire show.

Throughout the entire season, virtually all conflict between Jackie and Shauna can ultimately be solved—in Jackie's view, at least—by a reassurance that they will still be best friends no matter what. That is the core of the matter to Jackie, the driving force behind everything she does; she can withstand any blow, weather any storm as long as her best friend remains by her side. Shauna's love will carry her through.

Jackie fears being replaced, because more than anything... she fears being unloved.

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Sic Transit Gloria Mundi

"It's funny, I used to pretend I didn't know if I loved Jeff, when the truth is: I didn't even like him that much. And I was so mad at Shauna, but now I realize she's right! Friendship doesn't matter. Love? Doesn't matter. They're just things we use to pretend like we aren't gonna end up like dead cabin guy, like rotted-out husks in some bullshit attic. But of course that's how it ends. That's all we are the whole time. It doesn't matter. We're just shells with nothing inside." Jackie. 1996, 1x09

Whatever reassurance Jackie has gleaned by the time of the pregnancy half-confession is shattered once again by the revelations contained in Shauna's journal—and yet, she doesn't seem to give up on Shauna entirely... until the end of their explosive argument.

Jackie spends the bulk of 1x08 and 1x09 depressed, bitchy, and passive-aggressive, yes—but through it all, she tries to make things work. She outs Shauna's pregnancy to lend urgency to Laura Lee's mission, but conspicuously deflects questions about the father, despite having the opportunity to go for the jugular. She does her Doomcoming preparations side by side with Shauna, makes her entrance to the party itself next to Shauna; continues to smile at Shauna when she's not looking.

Jackie doesn't cut ties with Shauna—to the contrary, she gives her multiple opportunities to course-correct. When Shauna confronts her about spilling the secret of her pregnancy to the group, Jackie responds with "It's not really the time to be keeping secrets." While wandering through the forest together picking flowers for decoration, Jackie brings up Rutgers before asking "You ever think about what we'd be doing if we hadn't crashed?" and stating—even more plainly—"What if this is it, Shauna? Everything we did, everything we didn't do? All the mistakes that we made, it's like... permanent." In both cases, Jackie knows what Shauna is still trying to keep from her—Jeff, Brown—and is handing her an opening to come clean.

When Shauna deflects away from her mistakes, Jackie scoffs. "Well, I was naïve. I realize that now," she muses.

Jackie still looks back at Shauna to make sure her friend is watching as she leaves the dance on her way to sleep with Travis; to make sure she cares. Just like she did with Mari at the lake, Jackie is trying to inflame Shauna's jealousy—all the way up until the very end, right up to the moment when uncertainty becomes lost to her entirely, Jackie still holds onto hope that deep down, Shauna cares for her.

In her attic confession to Travis, Jackie contrasts friendship with love—directly after explicitly stating that she never loved Jeff.

She is very obviously talking about Shauna.

Shauna was supposed to be the one person who truly loved her. The one person who loved Jackie, not as a soccer captain (like the team did), or as just a girl (like her boyfriend did), or as the mirage of perfect daughter (like her parents did), but loved her as her, as Jackie. Shauna's journal reveals even that to be a lie.

Jackie sees now... she sees that none of it matters.

The curse of the viewer is that we see what Jackie never does. We see morning light fall on the snow, sparkling. We see Shauna fall on her knees, screaming. We see the inhabited meat shed, and the pyre, and the bacchanal, and the empty meat shed, and the bridge and the uniform and the childhood bedroom. Jackie, however, is neither prophetic nor clairvoyant; all she sees is an incomplete account of Shauna's actions. She certainly doesn't see the whole picture, can't imagine the chain of events that drove Shauna to such extremes. Jackie is hurt, not over Jeff—though he provides her with a convenient excuse to the others—but over what Shauna being willing to sleep with him says to her about how Shauna must view their friendship.

Shauna has told her that love and friendship don't matter. The romantic love Jackie knew she didn't feel for Jeff, the romantic love she believed Shauna didn't feel for her, and the platonic love she believed Shauna did; none of them mattered, none of them ever existed. Jackie shaped herself into a shell by pretending, a shell perfectly tailored to accept what Shauna was willing to give—only to find that what her friend really handed to her was rotting faster than Jackie could build the husk around it. But it's not until the night after Doomcoming that Shauna twists the knife in Jackie's heart, removing any last shred of doubt.

And that, more than anything else, is what breaks Jackie in the end; the knowledge that Shauna never cared for her.

"I'm sure everyone back home is so FUCKING sad to be losing their perfect little princess, but they'll never know how tragic, and boring, and insecure you really are. Or how high school was the best your life was EVER gonna get." "Fuck you." Shauna and Jackie. 1996, 1x10

"I don't even know who you are anymore." "Or maybe you never did." The last words Jackie and Shauna ever spoke to each other. 1996, 1x10

Jackie was trying her best, she really was. She offered Shauna her love in the form of everything she endured to keep Jeff in front of her, and therefore to keep their friendship intact. Shauna knows Jeff is her boyfriend, she knows he's off-limits, and yet she gets pregnant by him anyway. Jeff is Jackie's shield (her beard; not that she would know THAT term), her proof that all is right and she can be normal. Shauna ripped that protection away from her. From Jackie's perspective, she saw Shauna take her love, crush it underfoot, and spit right in her face. Not only does Shauna not love her back the way Jackie wants, but she doesn't love her even as a friend.

Jackie is, at this point, totally convinced that no scrap even of the friendship she was so desperately clinging to really exists. Everything she feels for Shauna is unrequited—everything except, of course, the anger and the hurt. So when her attempt to banish Shauna backfires and she is told to leave instead, Jackie listens; she walks outside to reenact the ending of Romeo & Juliet.

Jackie tried hard, so hard, not to let her baggage—her longing—ruin her most valued friendship, or push away the most important person in her life... and in the end it was all for nothing. She lost her anyway.

Or worse, she never even had her in the first place.

On her way to oblivion, Jackie dreams of being loved.

──── ◦✦◦ ────

──── ◦✦◦ ────

If you read all the way to the end here, you're the best, especially cause tumblr posts are so <--> narrow. I'm sorry for leaving things on such a downer note... but Yellowjackets do be that way.

this has been Jackie's side of things—I have a partially-written follow-up half from Shauna's perspective, but it has proven even harder to stick to some semblance of objectivity when arguing from Shauna's POV than it was for Jackie. if this one resonates with people I might refactor and finish part 2, we'll see.

in the meantime though, if you agree with my conclusions in this essay and hunger for a taste of Shauna's side, check out this "Jackie lives" fic I wrote:

featuring 4k of Tai trying to get Shauna to use her words, followed by 6k of Shauna's words! I wrote it between bouts of working on this (some snippets I cut from the Shauna section for being too un-essay-like made it in there), and it pretty much assumes everything I talk about here, both Jackie's-character-wise and jackieshauna-history-wise, holds true. except, of course, the part where Jackie stays dead lol

later haters (mari and crew)

[existentialterror]

ARG notes: ZampanioSim

Okay, a work this metafictional and also that (I think) responds to audience interaction is going to need a high-caliber gimmick. Hang on.

...

Alright. Hey guys, catfishAnabasis (Light) here, taking a moment out of my surprisingly busy day tell you about a weird thing on the internet.

ZampanioSim is an intricate and brainbending ARG. It takes direct inspiration from Homestuck, The Magnus Archives, and House of Leaves, as well as the creator (JR, jadedResearcher/justifiedRecursion)'s previous canon of Homestuck fan-work and games. A major theme is "unreality".

HERE IS YOUR TRAILHEAD.

Feel free to ignore the rest of the writeup and check it out now.

I know very little about JR's other work, right now. However, among my many INTERESTS, I am something of a TMA ENJOYER and an AMATEUR INTERNET INVESTIGATOR, and if I were in a HOUSE I like to think I could LEAVE it pretty easily.

So, yeah. I figured I'd just describe my experience of this rabbithole and maybe you'll want to check it out too. I'm sure this will only scratch the surface.

ZampanioSim is structured as a nested labyrinth. In the same way that:

Homestuck is a webcomic framed as an interactive adventure game about an account of kids playing a video game (Sgrub) that doesn't exist, and

House of Leaves is a novel framed as a found scholarly discussion about a documentary (The Navidson Record) that doesn't exist about a house that doesn't exist,

ZampanioSim is a game-based ARG framed as an attempt to simulate a game (Zampanio) that doesn't exist based on a found FAQ of the game (that only sort of exists).

More concretely, ZampanioSim features a lot of nested browser games, as well as audio, narrative, an actual audience-interactive narrative game (the way Homestuck was originally), external websites, and more.

The starting point is, of course, the House:

ZampanioSim takes full advantage of the browser as medium. There is content accessible via the address bar, developer tools, cookies (I think), the developer console, and probably more that I haven't realized.

Like, to give you a sense of the kind of rabbithole we're dealing with: Here's a map I made of the House outset page today:

...And I say today because the House does change over time. Today (a friday) when I clicked on the EastEast route, for instance, I was greeted by this grotesquely distorted version of Rebecca Black's "Friday":

Okay, let's talk about what we have going on in the House map, starting from the doors and working out. (I've given some of these my own names for clarity.)

North

The Classpect Menu Game:

This, I think, is the main titular "ZampanioSim". It's the part that's intended to recreate the experience of a supposed old computer game, but by and large, you only experience the menu screen, not the rest of the gameplay. You can select attributes (based on Homestuck's Classpecting system + the Magnus Archives fears) gain points and select skills and (depending on your seed) eventually "beat the game". It's glitchy, it's a hellscape, there's an entity or two in the menu system that are trying to talk to you. It's great fun. Contains links to a rabbithole (which you can plug passwords into for more secrets) and + some secrets to you in the credits.

(While mostly the aspects seem to add flavor to the menu options, there's a special class called "Waste". This appears in neither TMA nor Homestuck, but comes from a fan or meta-joke that Andrew Hussie and Toby Fox, the writer and a major composer for Homestuck, are classpected* as the "Waste of Space" and "Waste of Time". By telling it you're a "Waste"you're more likely to get weird glitches and new options in your Classpect Menu game run - there's a fun recurring element in some of these games about the game changing depending on who you tell it is playing. I learned about the Waste trick from JR's youtube channel. Also, setting your birthday as Halloween might also do something.)

I have no idea if the different iterations of games here are substantially different. I haven't checked. There's a lot going on. "There's a lot going on" is a good summary of ZampanioSim overall.

*( Uh, classpecting is this in-Homestuck personality system where game players are a [Role] of [Element].)

Eyedlr: Eyedol Games is the company that supposedly made the original game Zampanio. Eyedlr is their spambot-filled tumblr clone, which also has secrets in it. (Actually, just assume everything has secrets out.)

East

The House Exploration game: It has the same setup screen as the Classpect Menu game, but this one drops you into a game with visuals: An infinite(?) procedural house you navigate with imagery derived from your choices.

Peewee's exploration game: When it's not blasting Rebecca Black's Friday But Weird into your ears, the EastEast route is another procedural infinite(?) maze, except that you type directions to Peewee, a snake guy with goggles who also moves around on his own. This one also introduces named characters we learn more about elsewhere.

Bathroom text: Procredural bathroom maze, unless it's just some text telling you to take a break. ZampanioSim really likes telling you to take breaks and hydrate, so that you can better appreciate and spread Zampanio.

Absolutely not. Also, I'm a busy woman. I have to finish this writing summary first.

South

The Train Game: a game - notably not a maze - where JR walks down a series of train corridors and monologues to you about the game and the "reality" behind it.

The mazecrawler game: You tell a little guy how to navigate an infinite(?) maze - and if you choose right and open up your browser's Console menu, you can learn a great deal more about

West

The only West route is AdventureSimWest, which is an actual text narrative game where readers submit commands that the author incorporates into updates - just like early Homestuck. It's still going. The logs are extensive but it's mostly about the antics of a new employee at Eyedol Games, which is stuck in a time loop.

Other

Then there's some other scattered clickable text -

The truth about alt: An exchange between two shapeshifters.

A transcript: A dialogue between two people who apparently work for Eyedol Games.

The lower left leads you to an apparently rotating selection of other Zampanio-related games. I particularly liked NagaGirlfriend.

None of this is even the stuff you can reach this page exclusively through the Console menu.

And much more

And there's a lot of stuff that's NOT branching directly off of the house. There's other things you find buried in links or by searching - a discord and a wiki that both straddle the line between in-character and -out, Archive of Our Own content, a youtube channel, the Eyedol website...

Is there a "story" to ZampanioSim?

Yes.

Like I said, there's a lot I haven't seen yet. But what's going on is something like this:

JR is attempting to recreate this game, Zampanio, of course, and tap into its fanbase. The game Zampanio is an infectious meme. Eyedol Games is a transdimensional company that is perhaps both trying to spread the meme and contain it, by removing its spores, e.g. the Zampanio FAQ - the thing that inspired JR to make ZampanioSim - from the internet.

Various parts of the game recognize that they are fictional and may identify you the reader/player as "Observers".

There are a few recurring characters who have gotten swept up into the meme, either working for Eyedol or trapped in ZampanioSim or both, and have followed it from variant to transdimensional variant.

(this is an image from homestuck. it's a reference.)

Japes aside, this is a brain-bending, very cool, and completely ludicrous unfiction project which I believe is made mostly by one person with an unparalleled hand for web sorcery, whimsy, and vibes. The vibes are so good.

The host website, Farrago Fiction (which AFAICT is a multi-person project), hosts a number of often-homestuck-inspired weird games and simulators.

I know ZampanioSim is now a few years old and is still actively updating. Consider checking it out.

2024-08-24 edit: Part 2!

[schraubd]

Going Fishing

The wave of terror Donald Trump and J.D. Vance have unleashed upon the Haitian community in Ohio continues to crest. I am by no means the first to observe the similarities between how they are talking about Haitians and how Nazis spoke of Jews at the outset of their rise to power. That's strong language, and yet it is terrifyingly warranted. We are seeing something that is, in fact, not at all unprecedented. But there is a particular aspect of the racism we're seeing here that particularly resonated with me as a Jew -- the frenetic scouring to find anything and everything that "proves" the conspiracies right, or at least justified. In the Ohio case, this reached a comical (if anything about this could be comical) apex when Christopher Rufo offered a bounty to prove the "Haitians in Springfield are eating cats" conspiracy correct and then started crowing over a video of not-Haitians in Toledo grilling chicken. But other examples abound (although at least J.D. Vance had the "decency" to admit he was simply making things up). Far, far too many Republicans response to blatant acts of hatred is to cast far and wide for something that makes the hatred feel palatable. As a reasonably public-facing Jewish professor, I frequently idly wonder if I'll be targeted by some sort of antisemitic attack. Mostly, it doesn't happen. Occasionally, it does; though in my case never in such a fashion that would explode into the public view. But if an "incident" did happen -- someone graffitied my office door, for instance -- I am absolutely sure that a certain cadre of online folk would immediately begin pouring over my collection of writings to find anything they possibly could to explain why I'm a legitimate target. That knowledge -- less that something could happen, and more that if it did I'd be the one scrutinized to hell and back, with the most gimlet eye and uncharitable gaze -- is perhaps what stresses me the most. I do not think I am alone amongst Jews in feeling this way; hyperpoliced at every turn to justify ex post facto a judgment that has been handed down in advance. By all objective accounts, the Haitian community in Springfield has been a boon to an erstwhile struggling city. But they are not universal saints, any more than anyone else is -- if one places them under a powerful enough lens, one will of course be able to find something or someone butting up against the social compact (though not, I'd wager, stealing and eating pets). No group can maintain a perfect record under that sort of scrutiny. And the knowledge that one is under that microscope is just exhausting. It's exhausting right alongside the more direct anxiety and misery of being directly subjected to acts of hate and bigotry. The people responsible for this have no shame, so I won't bother to say they should be ashamed. But no good person should feel anything other than contempt for this latest dose of bigotry. via The Debate Link https://ift.tt/NJkLSEa

[judesmoonbeauty]

Roger Barel - My Thoughts So Far...

Hiii everybody! I just wanted to drop a review/my thoughts on Roger’s route so far, this all about chapters 1-5. I’m anticipating a lot exciting events after his CE is completed, so I’m trying not to delve into my resources too much, which means I'm reading only 1 chapter a day. I think after every five chapters or so, I will write my thoughts about it. Spoilers will be included, they won’t be super detailed, but they are there below the cut.

Okay so in short: I LOVE his route so far, it’s been great. I laughed pretty much in every chapter so far about something or another. Of course, this is just the beginning and I fully anticipate angst, heartache and drama. I CRAVE it. I haven’t really spoilers about his route, except for one and it’s pretty major, so I’m going to leave that out for now and circle back to it when I read it for myself.

Roger’s Kate So Far:

I LOVE her. I mean I LOVE Kate anyway, but she feels very real to me in the outset.

She is very dead set on NOT falling in love. All she wants to do is survive Crown and get out of there, and it’s nice to see that sense of urgency from her. Not to say that she doesn’t have that desire in the other routes, because she does, but I feel like she really stresses that point in the first five chapters. And understandably so, I mean she’s living in a castle filled with men who kill for a living, and it’s emphasized how she hasn’t laughed/smiled once since coming to the castle, or has barely eaten anything. So, seeing her undergo that stress (poor kid), is refreshing in a way because I feel like in other routes Cybird just glosses over the toll that would take on someone.

She’s a drinker (HELL YEAH). She’s gotten wasted twice so far in the first five chapters. The morning after’s were quite adorable (at least I think so.)

She wants to get stronger and become a fighter because she wants to ensure her survival, so we see her taking self-defense lessons with Roger and Ellis, in order to better herself. And I don’t about you, but I STAN A QUEEN WHO CAN FIGHT. So, I’m excited and I can’t wait to see more from our precious Kate.....

Roger So Far:

So…….I never expected a part of Roger’s route to tackle the fact that he doesn’t believe in love. I don’t know why??? But when I learned that we were going that route, I was happy with it. It’ll be interesting to see how his mind and heart is becomes convinced that love is more than just a bunch of neuro-chemicals and physiological reactions. He is brutally upfront about his lifestyle choices and beliefs - I appreciate that. For example, he’s just like when I get the urge to fuck, I fuck. Of course, he has stipulations to that - both parties mutually consent that they fuck only one time (with Kate being the exception to rule for an entire month as long as she keeps quiet to the others about it).

To be honest, I didn’t like this rule because I feel like it hit too close to home with Jin’s rule with women he get’s physically involved with. (FOR THE RECORD: I’m not comparing the two guys. I’m just saying it reminded me of it.)

Moving on, I just wheezed for a good moment when he compared Kate to his family’s corgi - Ale. Like he’s not saying it to be mean or derogatory, just the way describes her getting worked up, depressed, digging her own grave, etc. It was cute and hilarious. Loved it and I LOVE ALE!

Roger’s Relationships With Others:

Nica: Chapter 1 had me in tears when Roger interrupted Nica’s hitting on Kate. His face was priceless and then to be stuck with Victor as a tour guide. Cherry on the top. Gold star for Roger. C’mere Nica, I’ll comfort you…..

Ellis: He drinks with Roger along with Jude, and he helps Roger with Kate’s self-defense training. I’m sure they’re going to be more involved. I expect it because in Ellis’ Blind Love route, Roger says that he betrayed Ellis’ cursed predecessor and that’s a reason why he’s like a big brother to Ellis. He also wants Ellis as his assistant as he feels that he’s too good for Jude, which I think most of us knew beforehand.

Alfons: Well…..we know how “well” they get along. I was dying in chapter 4 - I think it was - when Kate, Roger and Al are on a mission. They’ve determined recreational drugs are being used, so they’re going to go break it up, and that’s when Al & Roger get into this squabble outside the room they’re supposed to being busting into about whether or not it’s okay to use the drugs or not. Al of course, doesn’t see the big deal with it since he is a firm believer in escaping reality, and Roger basically tells him that when a person runs from reality instead of facing it that it just leaves them more empty - Al is just over it and is like you make me want to vomit in his dead pan face. Poor Kate is like ‘we can’t be doing this right now’. Proper school boy frenemies these two are.

Jude: He’s been featured a lot and that’s because his route should be dropping next (fingers crossed), but he is also a Roger drinking buddy and in the Past Records event, Jude & Roger agree to be drinking buddies in hell together…..if there is alcohol in the after life. Of course, he sees Roger quite a bit for injuries he gets, and when Jude asks why Roger is even bothering with Kate, Roger basically tells him that she is trying to survive, and it’s appealing to him. “A small dream, a goal….even small things to survive somehow. Isn’t it the same for you, Jude?” Jude lore??? More on that later in a Jude dissection I’m writing.

Notable Things So Far:

Roger treats the Crown members in exchange for their blood samples. We learn this in chapter 5 when he treats Jude.

Roger’s father doesn’t have a problem coming to the castle to have his son dog sit. I thought this was interesting. It doesn’t seem that he fears the cursed on the whole, and I’m sure that’s due to his knowing Roger is cursed. That’s nice. He seems like a supportive father (I HOPE I’m not wrong.)

Roger create’s a Robin Growth Chart - this is to help her become strong and survive, but also to teach Roger that romantic love is something that is true - not just a biological concept. He’s already noticed a change in his HR (heart rate), when Kate is around, so I wonder how long it’ll take for him to fall.

Favorite Scenes So Far:

Nica losing Kate to Roger.

Ring wondering if Kate and Roger are together - OMG I WANTED TO GOBBLE HIM UP!

Jude’s reaction to Ale jumping into his arm. So DAMN cute!!! Okay, so I am a cat person, but I’ve been dog sitting for one of my BFFs for the past two weeks (I love her), and I was reading this scene as her poodle was curled up next to (like she literally is on top of me every chance she gets), and Jude said: “…..Whaddya doin’, don’t jump on me, it’s hot.” Then he starting grumbling to Kate and Roger about holding onto Ale better, and asks if they were abandoning their duties while Kate’s like: “Oh, ….Jude please hold it more gently.” LMAO. Just picturing him holding this doggo awkwardly was the funniest shit ever, and adorable and we have the same doggo energy. Love them, but don’t jump on me please.

The self defense class with Roger & Ellis - I’m not sure if many of you know, but currently Ellis is my #2. I ADORE him. He is twisted and precious and I love him, and I get just as excited when I see him on the screen as I do Jude. Him sparring Roger just squeezes my heart so much.

Any scene with Roger and Al. Love it.

K, I should go translate or do something more useful........

[thislovintime]

“Michael was very kind to me at the outset. He put me up through the entire shooting of the pilot process. He and his wife had a wonderful little apartment just big enough for a guest on the day bed, which overlooked Hollywood. I remember a Thanksgiving Day when the air was crystal clear in a way that I’ve never seen it before or since in L.A., and you could see all the way out to Catalina. It was wonderful. That crystal clarity symbolizes the whole era for me. Mike and I wrote a few things together. We were very comradely and very buddy buddy, and it was a wonderful time, with Mike’s then wife, Phyllis, and Christian, their little infant baby. The early days of the pilot shooting were just great by my lights and I had a wonderful time.” - Peter Tork, quoted in Hey, Hey, We’re The Monkees (1996)

“I went over to Micky’s all the time, and we talked a lot about, you know, helicopters and atomic energy and the Heisenberg principle, uncertainty principle, and he had a great little recording studio. We actually wound up making a record, in his recording studio, that — splendid little record, I think.” - Peter Tork, Daydream Believers commentary

[thedemonofcat]

Changelings are exceptionally rare, and in his many years, Jaskier marks the first Geralt has encountered. At the outset, Geralt acknowledges two facts: Jaskier is committed to accompanying him for a while, and oddly, Jaskier appears oblivious to his Fae nature.

Deciding to make the most of this unique situation, Geralt initiates a study on Jaskier's Changeling traits. He diligently records scientific details in a notebook, documenting instances of Jaskier's powers, identifying weaknesses, and noting things that bring him joy.

When Jaskier discovers the notebook, he can't help but feel a sense of hurt, interpreting Geralt's actions as viewing him merely as a subject for examination.

[anonymousewrites]

One Hell of a Love (Book 3) Chapter Twelve

Sebastian Michaelis x Demon! Reader

Chapter Twelve: One Hell of a Midnight

Summary: Sebastian and (Y/N) face Undertaker in battle once more.

            “This school is a respected institution that has produced elites who form the mainstay of Great Britain. Our generation cannot afford to defile the tradition that has been protected for thousands of years since the founding of this school! For the history of Weston College is the history of England!” said Bluewer, desperate to prove that he, Redmond, Violet, and Greenhill had done the right thing.

            Ciel narrowed his eyes before closing them as if exhausted the situation. “…Fine.”

            Sebastian and (Y/N) glanced at Ciel.

            “I was investigating this incident…under the orders of a certain distinguished personage. I can’t keep silent now that I’ve uncovered the truth,” said Ciel. “However, I shall request measures which will take your circumstances into account.”

            (Y/N) raised a brow. They wouldn’t interfere with Ciel’s decision—what happened to the P4 was none of their concern—but they disagreed with giving lenience from the outset. If these four were so noble, they would take the punishment they were given. If the situation gave them a lesser punishment, then very well, but (Y/N) found no sympathy for them.

            However, there were other issues with people (Y/N) did have some connection to—positive and negative—to handle which were much more pressing.

            “Now, that just leaves you.” Ciel narrowed his eyes as his attention went back to Undertaker. “What are you after?!”

            Undertaker smiled as he picked up a cupcake and leaned on his other hand. “You have bestowed upon me plenty of laughter so I will explain for old times’ sake.”

            “It was only for a moment, but Derrick was conscious beyond a doubt,” said Ciel. “He was clearly different from the previous reanimated corpses. No! He has evolved!”

            Undertaker munched on his cupcake. “It pleases me to hear that! Quite so. The dead can also advance by way of episodes.”

            “Episodes?” Sebastian furrowed his brow. “Do you mean the counterfeit memories you have created? Connecting them to the Cinematic Records of the dead was how the corpses began moving.”

            “Guess again.” Undertaker pouted and crossed his hands in an X. “You’re close, though. Those memories were gibberish. The current corpses are being moved by their longing for the future.”

            “Humans recall their pasts in their final moments. That is their cinematic record. At the same time, they crave the future they were to have had although those futures are incomplete. The fragments of those futures comprise their episodes.”

            (Y/N) narrowed their eyes. “I did not experience such longing.”

            Undertaker grinned. “You took your death into your own hands and welcomed it with open hands. You threw away your future with a vengeance. Of course you experience no longing. You reveled in revenge.” He laughed. “And, as ever, you prove an interesting exception~ Quite the inspiration~.”

            (Y/N)’s eyes flashed fuchsia at his continued focus on their mortal life. After he pushed them through their memories once more, they were fed up with it and itched to return the favor of pulling him away.

            Sebastian’s eyes narrowed at the playfulness with which Undertaker directed his quips to (Y/N). He disliked the familiarity with which Undertaker addressed them. He had already said he reaped their soul originally, and Sebastian despised that degree of “closeness” Undertaker could claim with them—even if it was such a moment as death.

            “But I digress.” Undertaker tilted his head and leaned on his hands. “What if those episodes could be extracted? What if several tens of thousands of cuts can be had? What if the total length of the linked episodes was longer than their Cinematic Records?

            “It’s akin to a future forecast. They are memories of the future, nothing like my counterfeit memories. If I connect such a thing to the Cinematic Record—do you not agree that what will be perfected is a reanimated corpse infinitely approaching a living human?”

            Undertaker grinned at the horrified expressions of the humans and the narrowed eyes of the (Y/N). “Weeeeeell, the probably of success is still very low as it is dependent on the quality and quantity of the episodes.” He shrugged. “I still can’t approximate other ways of returning to life.” He grinned at (Y/N). “Eh?”

            “I have no shred of mortality. The person I was died in every way,” said (Y/N), speaking with an icy, sharp tone. “These experiments are your attempt to perfect what will always fail.” Whatever he was planning, whatever his end goal was, whatever experiments he was planning, (Y/N) didn’t like it. To mess with nature itself was to invite twisted magic. It would never end well; something would break, whether it be the experimenter or the experiments.

            “Oh?” Undertaker grinned. “Perhaps for now. But I wish to look beyond the fated end.”

            “Beyond the end?” said Ciel, furrowing his brow.

            Undertaker flipped the top hat onto his head. “Has it ever occurred to you that something exceedingly amusing may unfold beyond the roll of the credits?”

            Sebastian smirked and raised a brow. “I disagree with you on that point. ‘Death’ is an absolute end. That is why I find it—” his eyes turned fuchsia “—most beautiful.” He gazed at (Y/N). “What do you think? You are the one who experienced it.”

            “To disturb the process of death would be to disturb nature,” said (Y/N). They narrowed their eyes. No one was quite understood how humans became demons as it was so rare, but they knew it wasn’t continued life so much as rebirth into something new. “And you invite your own ruin when you do so.” They had been a witch; they understood.

            “How poetically put~” said Sebastian, smirking.

            Undertaker tutted and stood. “This is all I can tell you with the compensation I have received. Well, then.” He grinned. “It would be a nuisance if certain bothersome individuals were to discover my whereabouts. So I shall be going now.”

            “I won’t let you escape again!” shouted Ciel. “Capture him, Sebastian!”

            “As you wish!” Sebastian ran forward.

            The moment he lunged for Undertaker, Agares ran between them and grabbed Sebastian’s hands. His scholarly cap fell from his head, and (Y/N) saw the stitches—he, too, was reanimated.

            “So, you too, were a corpse, Vice Headmaster Agares,” said Sebastian, narrowing his eyes. “That must be why I felt a sense of discomfort then.”

            (Y/N) grabbed Agares and forced him back with Sebastian, but above them, Undertaker jumped onto the hedge wall.

            “That one is replete with episodes and is my crowning masterpiece, for now,” said Undertaker.

            (Y/N)’s nose twitched, and their eyes turned fuchsia. So Undertaker was planning more. What is he working towards?

            Undertaker snapped his fingers, and human hands burst out of the ground. The humans let out a gasp and cry, and (Y/N) and Sebastian narrowed their eyes as the reanimated, simply bizarre dolls of Derrick’s friends dragged themselves out of the ground.

            “These are Derrick’s accomplices!” said Ciel.

            “Run!” Edward was instantly focused on survival after the attack on the Campania. “Leave this garden now! Hurry!” He supported Greenhill on his shoulders.

            Ciel opened the garden door, and the prefects and drudges ran for escape. Harcourt was knocked down by one of the accomplices, who loomed over him.

            “I-I can’t move!”

            “Come on!” Ciel grabbed his arm and pulled him away.

            Undertaker chuckled as he watched. “He may have inherited the Phantomhive blood, but he’s quite unlike his predecessors. Most, anyways.” He tilted his head in amusmenet. “Don’t you agree?”

            (Y/N) and Sebastian narrowed their eyes; Undertaker’s connection to the Phantomhives was quite strange.

            “What a riot this is!” said Undertaker.

            “My, my, you are quite carefree about all this,” said Sebastian. “Do you believe you can stop us with something like this?”

            “How dare you underestimate us like that,” said (Y/N), a cat-like grin flitting across their features.

            Undertaker grinned. “I’ve never underestimated you. I know not to.” His eyes flicked to Sebastian. “All that sets us apart are our goals.” His eyes slid to (Y/N) and Ciel again.

            Sebastian’s eyes widened as Undertaker smirked, and his entire body went into alarm mode. If he brought down Agares now and then sought to capture Undertaker, then Ciel would be left open to attack or (Y/N) would be, and after seeing (Y/N) bleeding in his arms, Sebastian would do anything to avoid that.

            So as Undertaker looked at (Y/N) and Ciel, Sebastian’s desire to protect his contract and his love overtook his need to follow Ciel’s orders—Ciel’s life took precedence, and he could ignore the order (and, fortunately, protect (Y/N), too).

            Sebastian bent backwards and slammed Agares’s head into the ground. His brain was crushed, and he stopped moving. (Y/N) shifting to jump towards Undertaker, but Sebastian’s heart thudded, and he grabbed (Y/N)’s waist.

            “Wha—Corvus, let me get him!” hissed (Y/N).

            “No, Felis,” said Sebastian, leaping towards Ciel. (Y/N)’s eyes widened at the tone.

            Undertaker chuckled as he ran in the opposite direction. “Just what I’d expect from you, Master Butler~” He knew Sebastian would choose to protect Ciel under the contract and (Y/N) due to his heart. It was ever-so-entertaining to Undertaker.

            “Sebastian?!” said Ciel as Sebastian landed in front of him.

            Undertaker landed on the wall separating the outside world and Weston College. “I do hope you’ll continue to protect the Phantomhive house so loyally.” His voice was remarkably somber compared to his usual melodramatics. It still lilted with amusement, but there was something more. Posing beneath the moon as if he held it, he cackled and shook his head. “Fare thee well!”

            He flipped away and disappeared into the night.

            “Corvus, put me down!” snapped (Y/N).

            “Sebastian—” Ciel spoke at the same time.

            “Stay behind me!” said Sebastian, putting (Y/N) down but pulling them close while he grabbed another reanimated corpse’s head to push him back.

            “Sebastian, why did you come to me?!” cried Ciel. “I ordered you to seize—!”

            Sebastian cut Ciel off. “By the terms of our covenant, your life is my first priority. I have gone to great pains to cultivate you.” He looked back at Ciel with shining fuchsia eyes. “I cannot afford to have him steal you away.” His eyes went to (Y/N). “I will not allow it.” Sebastian crushed the skull of the corpse.

            (Y/N) stared at him as blood flicked across his cheek, and they felt a hunger develop. As much as they were frustrated at Undertaker escaping—they wanted to run after him and teach him how unpleasant experiments could really be for all his amusement—(Y/N) saw Sebastian’s protectiveness and pure devotion. He had only been able to move due to Ciel being in danger, but that didn’t change the adoration in his eyes as he gazed at them, the dark, demonic love that spoke of his willingness to spill blood in their name.

            And (Y/N) loved it.

            “Aaah….” Harcourt fainted upon seeing the corpse’s head crushed, and the moment of silence was broken.

            Ciel jumped and examined him. “Hey!”

            “You should let him sleep,” said (Y/N), stepping up to Sebastian’s side. They were a team—a pair. “There is still much cleaning for us to attend to in the wake of this Midnight Tea Party.”

            It didn’t take long. With Derrick, Agares, and one accomplice dead, Sebastian and (Y/N) had only three corpses to take on. A mere moment was all that was needed for the demons.

            Ciel looked around at the bloody garden. “Dear me. How am I going to explain all this to Her Majesty?”

            “Why not give her the facts as they are?” said Sebastian, pulling on fresh gloves. “Tell her that a ‘perverse, erstwhile grim reaper is reanimating the dead.’ ” He took (Y/N)’s hands and removed their gloves to give them clean ones.

            “And that we have no idea what he is planning in the long run,” said (Y/N).

            Ciel huffed. “She’ll never believe—”

            “Ciel!” Edward pushed the door to the garden open and reappeared. He had a sword in hand, ready for danger. “Everyone’s escaped safely…” He trailed off as he looked at the corpses. The situation had already been handled.

            “We’re done here, too,” said Ciel. “Watch your step.”

            “I will.” Edward looked down and paused. His gaze hardened, and he gripped his sword tightly. “Ciel.” The earl glanced at him. “It frightens me to no end that I might have ended up like those prefects, too…” Edward gritted his teeth and narrowed his eyes. “That I might have become a man who deludes himself into thinking that the sin of murder is equal to justice!”

            Ciel looked at him. “Don’t worry. Consider yourself normal, if it scares you so. Unlike me.”

            (Y/N) looked between Ciel and Edward. To see the Aristocrat of Evil looking at the Midford, a knight of justice, made (Y/N) tilt their head. Humans were so complicated, and, despite their darkness, (Y/N) was very much aware that there was more than just good or evil in their hearts. There was Ciel’s desire to serve justice to those that law cannot touch, and there was Edward’s desire to resist tradition brainwashing his thinking. There were grey areas.

            (Y/N) understood those.

            They had existed within them as a mortal. They lived within them now—no good or evil, just Felis.

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[the-garbanzo-annex-jr]

After Iranian-financed-and-trained Hamas terrorists – together with Palestinian Authority and civilian Gazan terrorists – murdered, gang-raped, gouged, mutilated, dis-limbed, beheaded, burned and tortured over 1,200 Jewish Israeli babies, children, men and women (including dozens of Americans), wounded over 5,000 more and took another 250 more hostage on October 7th, President Biden correctly declared that Hamas’ atrocities were “pure, unadulterated evil.”

Yet now, the Biden/Blinken/shadow-Obama administration is deliberately siding with and defending pure, unadulterated evil. This is sinister. During Biden’s April 4, 2024 phone call with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Biden threatened Israel and demanded an immediate Israeli ceasefire, aligning the U.S. with Arab terrorist Hamas’ demands. (On the same day, Hamas launched a series of rockets into Israel’s civilian areas. So how on earth can Biden be demanding an Israeli ceasefire?) Biden threatened surely hostile-to-Israel policy changes if Israel doesn’t accede to U.S. demands.

If Israel succumbs to Biden’s immediate ceasefire demand, this would leave the remaining hostages subject to Hamas’ continuing rape and torture indefinitely; leave Israel with no negotiating leverage or military options for obtaining the hostages’ release; and would enable Hamas to emerge victorious, regroup, rebuild, and murder and torture Israelis again and again and again in the future, as Hamas leaders have promised. Biden’s demand thus calls for Israel to lose the war against Arab terrorist organization Hamas, a proxy of our arch enemy, the evil terrorist Islamic Republic of Iran. 

Moreover, on the same day, Secretary of State Antony Blinken falsely, sickeningly and outrageously suggested that Israel is at risk of becoming indistinguishable from Hamas if Israel loses its reverence for protecting every human life – but ignored Israel’s real, extraordinary efforts and record of protecting Gazan civilians. As Colonel Richard Kemp, former British Commander in Afghanistan explained, Israel has the world’s most moral army and takes risks to protect civilians that no other army in the world has ever taken – while Hamas’ official policy is committing war crimes. Similarly, the Chair of West Point’s Modern War Institute, Major (ret.) John Spencer, and human rights lawyer Arsen Ostrovsky noted that “accusing Israel of intentionally targeting civilians . . . is a malicious distortion of truth,” and that in fact “The IDF has gone to unprecedented lengths, not seen in the history of modern warfare, to abide by the laws of war and avoid harm to civilians, even when doing so puts the IDF’s own soldiers at risk.” Israel has the lowest ratio of civilian-to-combatant terrorist deaths in history.

From this U.S. administration’s outset, it has pursued policies deliberately designed to weaken, harm and endanger Israel and empower Iran and Iranian proxies bent on destroying Israel. Upon taking office, Biden immediately stopped enforcing maximum sanctions – and enabled Iran to advance from near-bankruptcy of $4 billion in reserves to $100 billion in reserves, rescuing Iran’s ability to fund its proxies Hamas’ and Hezbollah’s attacks on Israeli civilians and armed forces. Biden also immediately resumed funding UNRWA (which is full of Hamas terrorists, hides Hamas weapons and control centers, and teaches children to murder Jews); and resumed funding Palestinian Authority government functions (enabling the PA to continue its $400 million per year of pay-to-slay payments to Arab terrorists to murder Jews).

And virtually every person Biden appointed to an important post is hostile to Israel or Jews, or both.

In May 2021, when Hamas launched 4,500 rockets at Israel in 10 days, Biden demanded that Israel agree to an early ceasefire that enabled Hamas to regroup, rebuild and prepare for October 7th.

In October 2022, the administration pressured Israel to surrender 330 square miles of natural-gas-rich maritime territory to Hezbollah-controlled Lebanon, thereby enriching Iranian terror-proxy Hezbollah with billions of dollars, and weakening Israel. Hezbollah’s attacks on northern Israel in recent months have displaced some 80,000 Israelis.

Biden imposed a boycott on Israeli scientific and academic cooperation over the artificial “green line.” And the Biden administration initiated a Negev Forum that transformed the Abraham Accords from a Sunni-Israeli alliance against Iran into a Sunni-U.S. alliance against Israel. The entire basis of the Abraham Accords was to end the Palestinian Arab veto over Middle East peace; but Biden and Blinken reversed this.

During the past six months, the administration has intentionally ratcheted up harmful-to-Israel actions and anti-Israel propaganda. The administration released $26 billion to Iran – while Iran is financing Hamas’ and Hezbollah’s terror wars against Israel. The administration also repeatedly falsely accused Israel of not doing enough to protect Gazan civilians – despite Israel’s extraordinary record of protecting civilians while fighting vicious terrorists; demanded “pauses” and other forms of ceasefires; demanded that Israel cannot leave a buffer zone in Gaza to prevent future October 7ths; and tied legislation to aid Israel to unpopular unrelated legislation – which would prevent or hamper the aid to Israel from being enacted.

The administration also repeatedly betrayed Israel (and Israeli and American hostages) at the United Nations Security Council. On November 14, 2023 (the same day that 300,000 Jews demonstrated support for Israel in Washington, D.C.) the Biden administration enabled the passage of UNSC Resolution 2712 (2023) calling for days-long “urgent and extended humanitarian pauses and corridors throughout the Gaza Strip.” On December 22, 2023, the Biden administration enabled passage of UNSC Resolution 2720 (2023), which helped Hamas obtain supplies to continue its war crimes and called for urgent measures towards stopping the destruction of the Hamas terrorist evil. And on March 25, 2024, the administration enabled passage of UNSC Resolution 2728 (2024) calling for an immediate ceasefire – without making the ceasefire conditional on releasing the hostages.

The administration also used the occasion of Israel fighting for its life to repeatedly demand that Palestinian terrorists must be rewarded with a Palestinian Arab terror state; and to try to undermine Israel’s binding legal rights to Judea/Samaria and Jerusalem. In February 2024, the administration falsely declared that Jews building homes in Judea/Samaria is illegal (reversing the “Pompeo Doctrine” which confirmed that Jewish communities in Judea/Samaria are legal). And on February 1, 2024, Biden issued an antisemitic executive order, accompanied by a coordinated State Department announcement, imposing sanctions on Jews in Judea/Samaria, while ignoring rampant Arab terrorism in and stemming from Judea/Samaria, incited by the Palestinian Authority’s Nazi-like “pay-to-slay” rewards to terrorists to murder Jews.

Biden also falsely condemned Israel for “indiscriminate bombing” in Gaza and an “over the top campaign.” Such false charges are hardly the statements of a true friend and ally. And Biden/Blinken’s latest condemnation of Israel unintentionally killing members of a food convoy, when Biden/Blinken knows that these tragic mistakes happen in any war – including in America’s wars against Iraq and Afghanistan – again shows the U.S. attempting to weaken the U.S.-Israel alliance. 

In addition, Biden’s March 7, 2024 State of the Union address was the most hostile, anti-Israel SOTU address ever: Biden demanded a Palestinian state “solution” that imperils Israel’s very existence; overstated displaced Gazans and never mentioned the 200,000 Jews still displaced by Hezbollah’s bombardments in the north and Hamas’ destruction of southern Israeli communities; wrongly demanded that Israel must make protecting Gazan civilians Israel’s “first priority (not defeating Hamas and recovering the hostages); parroted Hamas’ unverified and surely false propaganda casualty numbers; falsely intimated that Israel is using humanitarian aid as a “bargaining chip” and isn’t “doing its part” – while completely ignoring that Hamas steals the massive humanitarian aid that Israel has facilitated into Gaza; spoke of working for an immediate ceasefire; and omitted Iran’s role in Gaza, Lebanon, and the October 7th massacre.

Unfortunately, the horrors listed above are only a partial list of the Biden/Blinken/Obama shadow administration’s deliberate acts to weaken Israel and strengthen the terrorists that are trying to destroy Israel. For instance, see more here, here and here.

It is deeply disturbing that our nation’s administration is intentionally siding with the forces of pure unadulterated evil against our human-rights-loving ally, the democratic Jewish State of Israel.

It is painful for us to say this, but all of the evidence indicates that the Biden/Blinken/Obama policies are not mere attempts at misguided appeasement, or the results of stupidity or ignorance or false hope. But, in fact, these anti-Israel policies are made with full understanding of their dangerous import. All the evidence indicates that this is a conscious attempt to weaken Israel, or worse.  

[bumblequinn]

Hi! Medium time listener (I followed after slarpg altered my brain chemistry), first timer asker! What is your process when it comes to composing for games? Is it any different when the subject changes (personal, commission, etc)?

hehehe, well i hope that alteration was a positive one! 😋

so i think there's kind of two sides to this: there's the creative process, and the collaborative process.

The Creative Process

my creative process is actually pretty similar whether i'm working on contract or for personal enjoyment.

first, i consider:

the needs of the prompt in front of me (is it a save menu or a boss battle? is it a tense scene is or a tender one?)

how it should fit into the bigger picture of the whole project (mood/tone, genre, leitmotifs, instrumentation, production style, etc)

what tools i will need to use (subtractive synth or sampler or soundfont or live recording?)

then, i typically write what i call a "skeleton:" just the barest bones of a piece of music. i almost always do this on piano, dividing the bass, harmony, and melody into very distinct registers. i do it this way for several reasons learned the hard way:

first, by dividing parts into clearly delineated registers, i'm saving myself a whole lot of trouble down the line. i have long had a bad habit of over-crowded arrangements, which besides being weaker from a composition standpoint, are also notoriously difficult to mix. and mixing is already hard enough as it is! so writing a strong and well balanced composition from the outset is the best way to go.

second: when you jump into arranging or mixing before the whole piece is written, it's much easier to get stuck. where should i take this track next? i dunno, guess i'll fiddle with the mix. suddenly a week's gone by and i'm still working on a half-written track. if i require myself to write the whole piece out first, then this bottleneck is almost always eliminated.

sometimes you can get really excited about an idea, get carried away with arranging and producing a whole track, get to feeling really attached to it—only for your collaborator to say it's just not the right direction. by limiting myself to one instrument, i don't put in a disproportionate amount of work before confirming whether or not the piece is actually a good fit. and bonus, if it's not a good fit then i have a piece of music written that can serve another project later (or another part of the current project, if i'm lucky)!

of course, i'm not always perfect about this. even very recently, i got really stoked about a track i was cooking up for susan taxpayer and went BANANAS with it—only for punkitt to say she loved it but it wasn't at all the right vibe. a hard but necessary reminder of why i try not to get carried away prematurely!

(don't worry, the one i made to replace it fit like a glove, and the first attempt is gonna be used elsewhere. love wins 😌)

once i do have confirmation that i'm headed in the right direction with an idea though, that's where i really get into it with choosing instruments, designing synths, figuring out the production style, etc. and there's where the real back-and-forth with my collaborator begins, to make sure things are staying on track every step of the way. that leads us to:

The Collaborative Process

for starters, and probably most obviously, different people are different to work with. everyone has different strengths and challenges both creatively and interpersonally, so i try to meet my collaborator where they're at and tune in to their specific needs, vision, and communication style. within reason, i try not to look at these things as being "better" or "worse" with one person versus another, just different!

i think the biggest differences for me as far as how much time and energy i invest into a project are A) whether it's paid or pro bono, and B) my own level of personal excitement about the project.

if i'm doing something purely for fun, it's pretty exclusively because i'm really hyped about the project. because, well, it wouldn't be fun if i weren't, right? and in that situation, i enjoy giving it my all! susan taxpayer falls firmly into this category, and i'm having a blast with it.

SLARPG started out pretty similarly, but as the scope of the project grew, it evolved into more of a pro bono arrangement; bobby and i drafted up a contract and negotiated on how we would split earnings from the game once it released, and that's where i've gotten the vast majority of my income this year. it remained a passion project til the end, but i could not in good conscience put that much of my life into a project of that size unpaid, no matter how much i loved it! (maybe one day, if we collectively defeat capitalism and i no longer have to worry about such things... 🥲)

things get a bit different when you get into strictly contract work, though. when it's something i'm doing for a client who's paying from the start and it's not for my own enrichment, i have more hard and fast boundaries on how much of myself i put into the project. i have specific rates, and offer only so many free revisions before charging additional fees. sure, i can be horribly particular and will revise something a bazillion times to get it "just right" if i'm working on a passion project, but i'm not about to do that for like. a corporate commercial or whatever lol

whether it's for fun or all business, though, i always try to make something i'm proud of. because i want whomever i collaborate with to have something they're happy with in the end, of course! plus i'm kind of allergic to phoning it in, i'm too extra for that 😜

________________

i'm sure i could go on, but i think i'll leave it at that! pardon the slow response, it took me some time to formulate my thoughts for this one. thanks for the question, and take care ^^ 🎵

[rosyfingered-moon]

Sejak episode 9

Wow okay so a lot to unpack.

"How come I never realized you're a woman? I only had eyes for you and wanted you from the outset." Meaning that Yi In acknowledges at least to himself that he's been gay for Mong-woo all this time. ALL THIS TIME. Like he 100% believed this was a man and he meant to have him anyway. I just want to state this for the record because it's UNHEARD OF here in sageuk city.

He did plan to rescue her!! Not Hongjang or the others so still top 10 anime betrayals but he did intend for Mong-woo to escape Gulag. It's not much but it's something.

There’s obviously no reason to strip out of all outer garments and let one's long luscious hair out just for a night of modest cuddling, but at the same time there's no reason to be completely covered if they just fucked nasty. So what is the truth?? 😤

Still obsessed with the decision to set this in her natal home. The first thing she does after their night of passion is to revisit all the reasons she has to destroy him emotionally and politically. Good luck jeonha

Really insane levels of misogyny when a man's four wives have to apologize for his homosexuality

Haha no commentary, I was just very delighted by how fucking speechless she was in this scene.

I like that he protects Dong sanggung (admittedly after inflicting upon her the worst humiliation of the century). I don't know what she's up to or what she's done but I honestly don't care, I just want her to have a good life bossing the other court ladies around <3

Speaking of, this queen is so precious and I want her to always smile like this and never cry and tremble and break her teacups again :( Her relationship to Munseong is really sweet, and I love that her dad got to witness how much she adores these kids that she's supposed to hate. Maybe he'll think twice about ousting and/or killing Munseong now!!

All his eyepatches are so Fashion

This is such a stupid plan because even if Yi In could safely assume the envoy would insist on playing against Mong-woo, there is a 100% guarantee that she'll be brought to Qing as a baduk prodigy if she wins. Like even without the bet that's a given. So she'll be safe from Evil Minister Uncle, yes, but only until the envoy discovers she's a woman. (I don't think this is going to happen but wouldn't it be neat if she did go to Qing in a brief subplot adventure and found her dad?)

[ctinalk]

Season two isn’t (fully) real, it’s a peaceful, fragile existence

The more I rewatch the show and read different theories, the more convinced I get that S2 is some sort of elaborate dream sequence or a distraction or memory alteration attempt (Neil’s chaotic angsty ineffable husbands fanfic?). But not all of it.

(This gets kind of rambly so if you want my true hook, scroll down to the Michael Sheen Staged gif.)

Let me make this perfectly clear on the outset: I don’t think all of it is a dream, and I certainly don’t think the final 15/kiss is or is going to be discounted (and not only because there would be literal riots in the street, because there absolutely would be, but also I’m putting trust in Neil and the team wholeheartedly). I think that could actually be the domino that brings them out of it. I read somewhere recently something along the lines of “something loved can never be truly forgotten” and I think that fits my theory perfectly. I’m also making no claims (yet) as to what I think is real and what I think is “enhanced”.

Also I apparently am either too far deep or cannot work the tumblr search function with any modicum of usefulness, so please link me to the posts I’m alluding to if you think it’s the right one. I will edit them in and sincerely apologize to the brilliant minds that exist outside the confines of the search function.

Now, On with the show:

You can be in charge of the biscuits

Maggie and Nina: Look, I get that recasts happen, they change the actor playing the character because of scheduling conflicts, etc. But to cast the actor/actress that is immediately recognizable from a prior interaction (whether with the characters or the audience) is not something you see. FFS Maggie DIED in S1, and Nina was pivotal (maybe too strong a word, but enough to be memorable surely) to the storyline. It’s like someone said “Hey, they’ll work, bring em in, no I don’t care that they were in S1. It’ll be a test of how well our facade is working. If they (A&C) notice, then the gig is up and we’ll know it.”

Also why in the world is the owner of a coffee shop offering Eccles cakes to calm down, when camomile tea is right there? (Resists the urge to go off on a tangent on how Eccles cakes were used to celebrate the “Eccles wakes” at the feast of St. Mary (yes that Mary) and how that ties into the second coming plot.) Do Eccles cakes count as biscuits? Ugh another thought for another day I suppose.

It has come to my attention during writing that Shax is the same actress as Madame Tracy. I have less of an affront to this knowledge since I’m 2 months deep and countless rewatches in and only just noticed. But I’m going to pop it in this header anyway. Are you really trying to tell me that a show that apparently has demon entrances happening precisely on the 6s really didn’t think these choices out very deliberately? (Edit 3: https://www.tumblr.com/noneorother/735823422626709504/the-secret-timeline-inside-of-good-omens-season-2 JFC why can I never find the blogs when I want to insert them? It was a breakdown about how all of the demon entrances happen at a 00:00 that ends in a 6.)

Yours very faithfully, Maggie

Text to mail disconnect: There’s been a theory pop up (at the time one writing this at least (edit 2: https://www.tumblr.com/azariah-z-fell/743434274903048192/it-is-extra-weird-because-it-is-on-the-record) that Maggie actually texted Aziraphale her request to talk, and it was magically translated into a physical form, and the spelling error (that so many people are shouting DEMON at) was just an autocorrect typo. But, surely Maggie would know he doesn’t text if she knew him for several years at least. We’ve never seen either of our boys text, only call. Seems like someone doesn’t know how phones work, but wanted to get the message received? See also: currency, below.

You ever think, what’s the point?

Numerous people have pointed out the same obvious background people. There are theories about the guy in the Hawaiian shirt being the second coming or something similar. I wonder if it’s some sort of play on a badly executed attempt to make Wickber Street seem “normal” in an alternate reality, an elaborate distraction, but they have to keep using the same character models because their imagination is just slightly better than Shadwells’ (Oh gfdi how did I miss Mrs. sandwich right there). I’m not saying we haven’t done a “oh oops silly me I forgot something” but that isn’t usually done in the middle of a sidewalk. When Aziraphale is initially talking to Jim with the blanket, there’s a guy just chugging his arms outside the window, not walking. Another one in E3 when Shax show up outside the shop, a guy in an orange sweatshirt passes in the background, then passes again, and not close enough in time/area to just be the continuation of the walk. Especially in the early episodes, there are veritable conveyer belts of people, straight lines, no trying to pass, etc. I’m trying to look at the background in S1 and while there are still tons of people, the background is… livelier. People passing, shoving past, actually going places.

“I’m looking at the statue of Gabriel.” “Oh, good job?”

Aziraphale basically learns fuck-all when he makes the trip to Edinburgh. Granted, I do believe most of that was to make the Bentley “our car”, but so many things are out of character. The no drink, the over-the-top “investigation” (as awkward as he is, Aziraphale knows how to act more normally than that with humans), the background on the drive up there…

All the others were taken (random collective thoughts)

Somehow ALL the businesses on the street are different from Season 1?

A normal person would have moved out of the rain instead of just lolling there letting raid splatter their glasses, yeah? (As a person with glasses I can confirm).

“We have all the hosts of hell searching for him” cue Crowley looking around like then why the fuck are there still demons around me?

The cross disappearing from the Gabriel statue between shots.

“I’m a bit out of miracles” and “that’s not how miracles work” from the guy who got written up for too many frivolous miracles.

I have here a sixpence and a farthing There’s always money in the banana stand

The lack of (accurate?) paid transactions seems like whoever is pulling the strings has no concept of earthly money and how it’s supposed to work, just that it exists. Crowley and Aziraphale talk bluntly about poverty and know that money is needed and used in current society (“Give her the money, Angel”, Rome, Globe Theatre, 1941 magic shop, etc.). Could be a “let’s not get lost in the trivialities” thing but it does strike me as odd. Caveat: Aziraphale forgiving the rent doesn’t quite fit, but cost of the record is obscenely low.

But this does give me hope about the 3rd 1941 flashback, because they were using money accurately there, which hopefully means the flashbacks and memories aren’t being altered, just “present day”.

We’re real people

One of the overarching themes in Season 2 (and S1 now I think of it) is “stop interfering in the lives of other people”. Maggie and Nina, Job, Elspeth, the entire dance party, Warlock, the book of prophecy. It would be a shame if someone were to make sure I failed to be messing about in their own lives.

I had brothers, you don’t scare me

Something happened just before Maggie told them to “Come in here and say that to my face.” Another demonic turn potential here, but also kind of like someone’s saying “FFS get on with the plot”.

The book of love has music in it

This post https://www.tumblr.com/noneorother/731977308306636800/all-the-music-you-didnt-hear-the-good-omens (finally, one I can find!) popped up, and there’s another one that purports to have noticed that there’s music lines missing from the opening sequence (edit 1: Found it!: https://www.tumblr.com/dadesu/726651737165938688/anyone-noticed-the-missing-half-bar-in-good-omens ). Possibly Clueing us in that there’s something that’s missing elsewhere (I mean obviously, that’s the whole point of this season, is it not?).

So where do we go from here?

As much as I’d love to say “Alright so the kiss breaks the spell whoever was put over them because of ✨the power of love✨, the ruse will be revealed, and they’re not talking because they don’t have to”

I don’t know, my thoughts are just the overarching patterns I’ve noticed over many, many rewatches and probably reading a few too many magic trick theories and/or fanfics. I don’t intentionally make my theory posts open-ended, but in the end that’s the fun of it. Nothing has to be mutually exclusive (yes I’m referencing my “Is Crowley already the new Supreme Archangel” post, I think I’m allowed that much). I’m happy to be proven wrong, and probably will be.

Lots of things are wrong right now

But I will leave you with one parting thought: Crowley knows. He knows there’s furniture missing. (That’s why he keeps just tossing things everywhere, because he know it doesn’t matter.)

And he. Does not. Care. For it.

How many theories that I myself hate can I dig into?

I’m a demon, I lied:

[burr-ell]

🤍, 🖤?

🤍: Which character is not as morally bad as everyone else seems to think?

So this is gonna seem contradictory to my reblog of blorb's post; this is not intended to be read as a counter to it, but as a complement: Percy.

If I'm being honest, one of the things that kinda bothers me about C1 group fanart is when I see everyone else in the party at their fully developed state, like with their Vestiges and powerups and everything, and then Percy's out here...with Orthax. Whom he expelled from himself with a natural 20 wisdom save, for the record, in episode 35. He spent more time without Orthax than with him!

It is objectively true that Percy invented the gun knowing what harm it could do but did it anyway. He once permanently maimed an innocent boy because he wasn't giving the answers he wanted. He gave Grog a cursed sword and didn't tell anyone because he didn't want it to be his responsibility and he thought Grog could handle it. It is also objectively true that he expressed doubts about what he was doing even during the Briarwood arc and admitted he was scared of who he was becoming and outright asked the group to stop him if they thought they should. He publicly apologized to Desmond and admitted his wrong and assured him recompense in both money and job security. He participated in a resurrection ritual for a child he didn't know who got caught in the crossfire of a battle. He fought to provide the people of Westruun a safe haven in their city, while still encouraging people to leave if they wished, because he wanted to honor the fact that what they had built there was important to them.

I think Percy is one of those characters that people view as either a silly little Human Disaster™ or as Vox Machina's Token Evil Teammate (the audience who projected onto him as the Facts and Logic guy seems to have dissipated after it became clear that he was. very much not doing that), and neither of those things are true. When Laura remarked that she looked at Percy and said "I can fix him", it was very clearly a joke, but I think people take that seriously and think Vex is the only reason he's not Lawful Evil or something. (Taliesin once said that without Vex's influence Percy could potentially have turned out Lawful Good—Laura's reaction was "eugh".) Percy didn't believe he could EVER be worthy of Vex and never once intended to act on his feelings; the change in him between episodes 35 and 68 was because he personally chose to be better, over and over again—even through several instances of him having Fucked Up Big Time—for its own sake. His forgiveness of Ripley is what inspired Vex, and I don't think people acknowledge that enough.

🖤: Which character is not as morally good as everyone else seems to think?

I kind of alluded to this in the ship question but to be clear at the outset, I think Vax is a good person*, but I also think his flaws tend to be overlooked. He gets Soft Boy'd a lot, and while I don't think characters who operate on emotion are bad or stupid by default (my favorite superhero is Starfire), I think fandom tends to assume people who operate on emotion are good by default. Vax does a lot of reckless things that he's repeatedly called out for by everyone in the group, and he generally lets it roll off him because his metric for success is "but did you die". He saw a kid that he thought needed some tough love, and his first response was "bludgeon him over the back of the head and instantly knock him unconscious". He ran into a trap that nearly got Cassandra killed and never once apologized to her. He ran after Raishan and attacked, an action that actually did get Vex and Scanlan killed, and not only did he never apologize to them, he openly said in front of them that he didn't regret doing it (after being rightfully angry with Percy for getting Vex killed and having seen some proof that Scanlan might not be doing great!).

Like, to be clear, again, none of those things make him a bad person; I think overall he's a good person, and I think they're good character choices!* What I'm saying is that he has some genuine rough edges to him, and I think a lot of that gets ignored or sanded down in fanon to make him "the nice twin" or a perfect YA Hero love interest for a Keyleth who is being projected onto, and that simply isn't the character Liam played.

*I wouldn't normally put in that kind of good-person caveat—I don't think the end-all be-all is whether or not a fictional character is a good person—but a) this is a question about morality and b) some folks are weird about Liam.

unpopular opinions asks

[heliossecretdeskdrawer]

Off The Clock

Continuity: IDW1

Rating: Explicit

Relationships: Megatron/Rodimus

Characters: Rodimus & Megatron

Warnings: Sticky Sexual Interfacing, Porn Without Plot, Masturbation, Voyeurism

Summary: In which Rodimus tries to ask Megatron something while he's off-shift.

Crossposting: AO3 | Dreamwidth Fic under cut. See AO3 for complete notes.

One of these days, Rodimus would learn to knock.

Unfortunately—or maybe it was fortunate, from a certain perspective—today was not the hypothetical day in question.

It seemed a little stupid, however, to be standing just past the threshold of his co-captain’s quarters with a datapad in hand while said co-captain was seated on the edge of his berth with a finger resting on his glowing anterior node.

Rodimus had been planning to ask him why Ultra Magnus had denied a line item on Brainstorm’s expense report for a recent project … uncharacteristically without comment. Usually any denials would be accompanied by several paragraphs of explanation, with relevant policies cited down to the specific relevant clause. The only possible explanation for this change in behavior must have been that Mags was suffering from some illness without telling anyone… anyone except his war criminal confidant.

Who was presently, uh, occupied.

And glaring right at him, finger frozen in place. Much like the icy bloom of embarrassment in Rodimus’s spark.

Mouth hanging open like a moron, Rodimus rifled through his processor to try and find anything to say, anything that could make up for just thoughtlessly bursting in on what was clearly a… delicate situation for his good buddy.

“Uh.” Not enough. “My bad.”

Nailed it.

Now to just step backward through the open door and not let his optics drift downward—The red glow from the partially obstructed node haloing the black finger, moist with lubricant, that had been caressing it was dangerously attention-grabbing. His feet were frozen to the floor.

The lubricant coating the finger and smearing the partially visible valve folds told him that Megatron had been at this for at least a several minutes… if not longer. It was possible Rodimus had walked in after an overload or two, but certainly not at the very outset.

“You constantly tell me to take time off.” Megatron scoffed, rolling his optics. “And then when I do, you show up to hand off work anyway.”

At least he only seemed to be mildly annoyed. Sometimes the glares were difficult to tell apart; “I’m tired and need a warm beverage” and “I’m listening intently to what you’re saying” and “I’m going to commit unimaginably violent crimes against you personally” all looked very similar. Though, to Megatron’s credit, the last one was more of an unlikely hypothetical these days and Rodimus knew that.

“… You know what, I’ll, uh… I’ll just ask you about this later. I can see that you’re busy.”

The automatic door slid shut behind him with a soft hiss; Rodimus hadn’t beaten the preset close timer. Sure, he could turn around and open it but that would be even more awkward than attempting awesomely moonwalk back into the hall. Which he totally could have done if he had been a nanoklik faster.

And not staring directly at the light under Megatron’s stalled finger.

His face felt warm.

His arms, now aching from being kept in a weird posture, were still held out at his sides from when he had first walked through the door, having stopped mid-stride.

“Do you think this is some kind of show?”

“I—No….” But if it was, he would consider watching.

“Then why are you staring?” That was a great question. “Surely, this is nothing you haven’t seen before; you’ve doubtlessly seen pornographic recordings of people pleasuring themselves. Hardly traumatic. Are you finished here?”

The finger continued to stay right where it was. Not even a twitch. That was some kind of discipline.

And from this angle, Rodimus couldn’t see anything more than the gentle curve of the front side of valve folds.

“If I said ‘no,’ would you be mad?”

The fingertip finally twitched against the smooth surface of the node. The heat from his face went immediately south, certain components throbbing behind their panels with growing interest.

“Not necessarily.”

Rodimus had worked with Megatron long enough to know that meant “no.”

“I’ll… uh… pull up a chair then.”

Rodimus tossed the datapad aside to clatter away on the floor before grabbing a chair from elsewhere in the room. He placed it squarely in front of the corner of the berth where Megatron had perched. A few paces between them to ensure a good view.

He had yet to decide how best to enjoy his good fortune, instead simply opting to let his knees fall widely apart… open to possibilities.

Megatron, however, hadn’t waited for him to get settled. His finger was already hard at work, slowly circling the node and leaving a wet smear in its wake. The light brightened as it was uncovered, now illuminating the soaked berth pad peaking out from underneath the valve folds, confirming Rodimus’s suspicions that he had showed up partway through the session.

“Have you already—“ “Only the once so far.” Then there would probably be a fair amount of show remaining, not that Rodimus knew how many times Megatron tended to overload during a session.

There was a brief, breathy laugh.

“I never took you for a voyeur.”

There was a flash of shame in Rodimus’s spark.

“What are you talking about? Everyone likes—”

Megatron just laughed again, not stopping the slow circling of his middle finger, the motion banishing Rodimus’s shame. The other fingers of his hand held the closest folds away from the node, but with this angle, they revealed nothing of the valve itself. That was still hidden underneath Megatron’s body as he remained sitting upright.

Rodimus pouted, his own hand just waiting on his own panels. He still hadn’t decided.

“I never took you for an exhibitionist.”

“I’m not.”

There probably would have been news reports during the war about it, now that Rodimus thought about it. It would have been hard to hide for someone already in the spotlight.

“Then what?”

“You’ll see.”

Rodimus hummed in doubt.

His own middle finger started mirroring the motion he was watching against the closed paneling of his array. That made it easy to make a decision.

He would choose solidarity then.

The panel retracted with a soft click and he let his hand slip down to pick up lubricant. It was tempting to lean over steal some of Megatron’s more than ample supply—and maybe give his node a flew playful flicks—but that seemed a little too forward.

Unlike Megatron, he also leaned back in the chair, leaving the entirety of his valve’s exterior on display. Modesty had already been thrown out the window.

With a grin, he started circling his own node, glowing orange in contrast to the red of his companion. A pleasant tingle began to build in his circuits, just beginning to soothe over the ache of arousal.

The speed of Megatron’s hand suddenly picked up, switching from circling to a simple up and down rub of the swollen end of the node with the slippery fingertip. The wet noise of the lubricant as it was pushed around echoed in the otherwise quiet room.

“Oh, now I see.” His own node throbbed under his hand at the sight.

“You yourself said ‘everyone.’” Megatron was interrupted by a soft, choked moan, like he had tried to hold it in. “This should hardly come as a surprise.”

More lubricant seeped out onto the berth pad, saturating it. His legs tensed and puffed out of his vents.

Rodimus could feel his gaze locked hungrily on the clumsy motion of Rodimus’s hand awkwardly trying to catch up. Megatron had had a significant head start.

Megatron shouted as his finger stopped rubbing, the node underneath pulsing against its captor.

For a few moments, Rodimus paused his own circling, watching Megatron’s hulking frame heave forward to ventilate as he remained precariously in place on the corner of the berth. What if it was over already? He certainly hoped not.

“Are you—“

With a shake of his head, Megatron thrust his middle finger downward, underneath to relubricate. The loud squelch and the slight lift of hips told Rodimus that he had gone directly to the source. While nothing was visible beyond the flex of Megatron’s wrist and the jump of his knuckle as the finger was repeatedly pumped in and out of soft silicone, Rodimus got the picture.

He opened his mouth to ask if he could see, but before any words could come out, Megatron’s hand retreated from its foxhole to once more massage his node.

It appeared they would, thankfully, be busy for awhile.

--

A hand gently grabbed Rodimus’s shoulder before he could pass through the doorway.

He paused and a scuffed up datapad appeared in front of him.

“You almost left this behind.”

“What is it—Oh.”

That was right; the datapad with the denied expense report and Brainstorm’s complaint. Rodimus had entirely forgotten about it. He also didn’t recall it looking so banged up, but then again… he had tossed it aside with reckless abandon in favor of… other, far more interesting things.

He took it from Megatron’s grasp, turning around to face him.

“I’ll have you look at it later.” If he didn’t forget to ask, though he could count on Brainstorm to follow up regularly when it was his grant money on the line. “When you’re not, uh, taking a break.”

“What is it anyway?”

A dangerous question that could very well lead into working off the clock and they both knew that. But, at that point, that would be Megatron’s problem. Rodimus had already acknowledged that this was supposed to be a “work free” time. If Megatron pursued official tasks anyway, well, that was on him now.

Now it was an opportunity for Rodimus to offload this task.

“Oh, this? Nothing much, just an expense report.” A bright, eager grin stretched across his face. “Mags denied it without any comments—“

“Again?” Megatron cut him off, scoffing like he’d been told a joke beneath his dignity. Did Megatron still have any dignity? “The software update last week rearranged the menu; Ultra Magnus must have hit the wrong button without realizing. It’s happened a couple of times—simple mistake, but, regrettably, the whole thing will have to be reentered fresh. A tedious reduplication of work. Have it resubmitted.”

Rodimus stood there with his mouth still hanging open but the sentence he had been in the middle of.

That certainly wasn’t the explanation he had been expecting, but he also hadn’t experienced any issues with the rearranged menu. It hadn’t even occurred to him that it could have been a problem. At least that was easily solved.

“Uh, great. Thanks.”

Megatron continued, changing topics.

“Shall I see you again at same time in, say, three days?”

[legobiwan]

A few more random Stan and Ford thoughts that build off of previous posts I've made in the last few days. It's fun speculating and delving into the sub-subtext of their actions and relationship. (And then it's time to WRITE).

"Thank You"

So I mentioned the tags of this post that I feel Stan's preoccupation with getting his brother to say "thank you" goes far beyond just acknowledging the thirty-year sacrifice Stan made to bring Ford back. As mentioned, Stan has a tendency to imagine himself in heroic circumstances, in situations where he is thanked by grateful family and community members, where he is acknowledged and through those two words, is told that he has value and is loved (even if his imagined methods of getting those two words out of people feels somewhat transactional - unsurprising given the way Filbrick treated him in his youth).

Anyway, Stan holds up the entire zodiac just to hear Ford say the words "thank you," even if they were forced. We know Stan is feeling once again that Ford will be vaunted as the hero and Stan pushed aside as a nobody should the zodiac succeed (despite the blame for Weirdmageddon falling partially on Ford to begin with).

But I think there's another layer here.

Stan's not 100% convinced the zodiac is going to work. He knows his brother is a genius but Ford's track record with these things isn't exactly pristine, even if his persona would present as otherwise. If we take the idea that "thank you" is really a way of saying "I love and value you," in Stan's mind, and if we assume Stan halfway believes they're all about to die, the zodiac notwithstanding...

It may be that - subconsciously or not - that Stan is holding up the ritual to hear his brother say "thank you" (translation: "I love you") for the first (and what may be the last) time in forty years. And yes, maybe it's about Ford getting all the credit and being the hero, but Stan just might want to hear his brother utter those words of affection - however forced - just once before they all horribly at the hands of a a three-sided, polygonal demon. In essence, Stan's dying wish is to hear his brother say "I love you." (And this makes the scene post-memory gun all the more painful, Ford gathering his brother in his arms, calling him a hero in the way Stan would have always wanted to hear, that coded language for "I love you" that a memory-wiped Stan would have no way of understanding).

Breaking the Portal

In another post the other day, I talked about the audacity of Ford worrying that Stan may break the Portal if he comes to Gravity Falls, the very thing that Ford should have done from the outset after learning of Bill's true nature.

It's interesting that in the same paragraph, Ford writes in the "Bros Code" he and Stan had devised during their childhood, wondering if he has been too harsh all these years.

We know Ford is basically incapable of destroying his own research, despite the fact it could spell the demise of his entire dimension. Hell, the entire time we know Ford through the show and the books, he never once plays a part in destroying his own work. (Stan ends up rendering the Portal unusable when he brings Ford back and Ford chucks his journals into the Bottomless Pit post-series, meaning they'll disappear (he thinks) in his realm but they'll still exist).

Again, speculating on subconscious motivations here (paging Dr. Freud), but you have to wonder if part of the reason Ford wants Stan to come to Gravity Falls (aside from the fact he sorely needs another person he can trust) is that he almost hopes Stan will be the bumbling fool Ford's made him out to be and do something that may partially or fully sabotage the Portal. He obviously has conflicting emotions when it comes to his brother, but Stan would also be the perfect scapegoat if he did accidentally do something to interfere with the Portal. For Ford, it's a win-win, in that he would not have to force himself to take action against his life's work (and therefore render himself utterly useless after how many years of research) and he would have an excuse to keep his grudge going against his brother, to keep up that facade of anger and dismissiveness that allows Ford to categorize Stan as "lesser," as the source of Ford's problems and an incurable fuck-up who only gets in Ford's way. (All this while having his brother physically present, a comfort I have no doubt Ford is desperate for at this point).

This is not Ford's primary or secondary (or tertiary, even) motivation in calling Stan to Oregon, nor is it the major reason Ford refuses to destroy the Portal and his Journals. The whole thing is a Hail Mary pass, to be certain, as Ford had no way of knowing his brother would receive the postcard and show up on his front doorstep. (And what was Ford's backup plan at this point? What if Stan hadn't come? Or he was delayed? We know Ford's not operating on all cylinders at this juncture, but holy hell, dude, just shut down the damn Portal.)

This all being said, it wouldn't shock me if somewhere in the dark recesses of Ford's mind, he's working out this rationalization, which is something we know Ford is very, very good at. ("For science!" he'll claim, as if those words were an incantation that absolve the actor of any negative responsibility, like desecrating a corpse for a brain, yeesh, Ford).

Anyway, food for thought (and writing).

[thislovintime]

Top left photo by Tom M. Morton.

Remembering Michael.

“I have a great deal of respect for Mike as a musician and a songwriter. He’s very good. He could make it on his own easily. Also he’s one of the funniest people I’ve ever met.” - Peter Tork, Flip, August 1967 "Mike’s a song writer, one of the best in the country." - Peter Tork, The San Francisco Examiner, November 23, 1968 (x) "Mike Nesmith makes good records, but Thorkelson considers Nesmith’s greatest talent to be his ability to craft great comedy.” - The Bowling Green News Revue, May 24, 1979 (x) “I remember staying at Mike’s house in Hollywood when we first started filming the series. It was the upper story of a two-story building on a little hillside. Mike’s wife, Phyllis, was wonderful. Mike and I laughed a lot and played music together. I remember that time very fondly.” - Peter Tork, When The Music Mattered (1984) “Michael was very kind to me at the outset. He put me up through the entire shooting of the pilot process. He and his wife had a wonderful little apartment just big enough for a guest on the day bed, which overlooked Hollywood. I remember a Thanksgiving Day when the air was crystal clear in a way that I’ve never seen it before or since in L.A., and you could see all the way out to Catalina. It was wonderful. That crystal clarity symbolizes the whole era for me. Mike and I wrote a few things together. We were very comradely and very buddy buddy, and it was a wonderful time, with Mike’s then wife, Phyllis, and Christian, their little infant baby. The early days of the pilot shooting were just great by my lights and I had a wonderful time.” - Peter, quoted in Hey, Hey, We’re The Monkees (1996) “You should’ve heard Mike singing some of those old Jimmie Rodgers The Singing Brakeman songs. He was so good, that stuff was just — you know, that stuff just warmed the cockles of my heart, you know. He could just do that stuff all day long. Just — I could just sit at his feet and listen to that for hours.” - Peter Tork, WHNN-FM, 2012 (x)