#out boy james just likes kinky shit

[v7lgar]

Jegulus breeding kink

honestly at first regulus didn't get it when they started fucking. but james is obsessed w it. he just loves to fucking fill him up to the brim and fucking it into him. regulus is okay with it, he doesn't mind at all. but he isn't enthusiastic like james is. well at least at first. then, then he starts to get it. the way he feels full of james, and his warmth. the way it makes him feel is addictive like james. regulus normally likes it more when his partner comes onto his back and hole but not in it. he didn't know he could like this much, stuffed w james hot cum and the fact that he can feel him when he is not with him, full of james' and wanting it more.

james on the other hand is just. he likes to fill regulus up. he can go on three rounds without pulling it out so at the end it's all sticky, it's filthy, his cum leaking from regulus' pink hole every time he shoves his cock in and it spurs out from his hole, making it slick and he loves the sounds it makes every time he shoves his cock into regulus and it makes a sound. he love knowing regulus is outside hanging out w his friends and full of his cum, keeping him warm. he loves to put a plug in his ass after he came so it doesn't leak. he loves even when he is not w him his cum is deep inside of him.

[holbrookswifey]

Fuckkkk lowkey need to see skom James tied up and begging,,, feel like he’d be a freak in that era

ALSO I LOVE HOW U WRITE HIM💔💔💔

This time, I'm in charge

James Hetfield (skom era) x fem!reader

Summary: James was pissed from fighting with Lars the whole day, and he takes his anger out on you, so you show him that you're not someone to put up with when he's angry

Warnings: Smut MDNI 18+, unprotected sex, angst, use of alcohol, verbal abuse, bondage, male submission, teasing, slight edging

A/N: I had so much fun writing this so thank you anon for helping me bring out some of my kinky writing 😂 i do apologize that its a bit short, but as always, feel free to submit who you'd like me to write about next

___________________________________________

James came home angry once again after fighting with Lars since Kirk texted you there was a fight between James and Larsas soon as James left the studio. You hated seeing James pissed off, but once he was in the angry mood, it'll take hours, even days for him to fully calm down especially after Jason left the band and they were stuck in a search to try and find a new bassist.

Being married to James since 1993 has been a roller coaster dealing with his alcohol addiction and constant mood swings was something you were slowly growing used to, but praying that the marriage wouldn't grow into something more abusive like how you saw your parents treat each other in your childhood, hoping that this marriage wouldn't turn out like theirs.

You hear the front door swing open, then slam shut, knowing James just walked into the house. He's definitely pissed so you don't say anything as you see him enter and head straight to the kitchen. You knew him well enough that he was going to grab a bottle of beer, but you keep your mouth shut in hopes to not piss him off today more than he was already.

James reaches into the dimly lit refrigerator, grabbing a bottle of beer, as expected, before closing the refrigerator door, using a bottle opener to pop the lid off with a slight hiss from the top and he throws the lid into the sink, making you sigh as you've cleaned more than enough beer bottle lids from the sink in the past week.

You decide to go and talk to him, trying your best to stay calm as you make your way into the kitchen, seeing him leaning against the counter by his ass and taking big sips from the brown bottle. You mentally prepare yourself for what's about to come. Was he extremely pissed, or was he mildly pissed? Maybe in between, you wondered to yourself until you see his facial expressions. Yup. Extremely pissed.

You lean on the doorway, looking at James as he's staring into space before he sees you. "Hi, honey. How was your day?" You ask him, trying to put on your next sympathetic face.

He rolls his eyes, taking a big mouthful from long-necked bottle before shaking his head and heading towards the doorway, hoping to get past you. "Fucking horrible." He mutters as his shoulder hits yours as he passes you, making you stumble a little. You can tell this was going to lead to another fight.

You follow him into the living room where he plops himself into his chair, leaning back and manspreading. "I heard what happened between you and Lars earlier." You comment, seeing his eyes almost darken at the thought of the fight.

"Why are you starting fights now?" You ask, crossing your arms. James looks up and glares at you. "And why are you assuming that I'm the one starting them?" James asks in a standoffish tone "Lars was being an asshole and fucking with me when I told him I was in a shit mood." James carries on.

"But does that give you the right to just walk out and slam the door like you did?" You reply, not trying to sassy or rude but it may have sounded that way to James. Oh boy James was not happy when you said that.

"Just keep your mouth shut." James spits back in a harsher tone than you've ever heard from him, which causes surprise to hit you hard. "Excuse me?" You ask quietly.

"You heard me, now keep your fucking mouth shut!" James snaps, making you bewildered at James's harsh behavior. You've never heard him this hostile before, which makes you angry yourself.

"Say that again, I fucking dare you." You reply, stepping in front of the TV to stop him from watching it. He looks more angry than ever now.

"Bitch, shut the fuck up and move!!" He almost screams at you, giving you flashbacks to the time your own father yelling at your mum. You weren't going to take this verbal abuse from James.

"Do it yourself, you prick." You taunt, not backing down. This makes James almost snap as he slams down the beer bottle and pushes himself off the chair, almost getting in your face. "I am not afraid to hurt you, now keep that fucking whore mouth of yours shut and listen to m--" You cut him off, grabbing him by his shirt and yanking him close enough that your faces are almost touching.

"Shut the fuck up, you abusive piece of shit!" You yell, which catches James off guard since you've always taken his bad moods and yelling, but today was different, almost snapping him out his anger, but you just keep going. "I am your wife and I will not take your shit anymore! Either shut that fat mouth of yours or I will shut it for you!" You push him back, making him fall back into his chair, shock in his eyes.

He stammers, tripping over his own words as he tries to act tough again but clearly failing. "Y-You can't do shit to me!" He tries to intimidate you, but he knows he's about to piss himself since he's never seen you so defensive and angry, especially with him.

"Option two it is." You say in a harsh tone as you grab him by his shirt and drag him to the bedroom, slamming him onto the bed but not letting him move. You kick the door shut as loud as he slammed the door when he came home, making him flinch. You reach for the knob on the drawer on the nightstand where you keep toys, blindfolds, even restraints such as handcuffs and rope.

You grab two pieces of rope and loom over him like a predator hunting its prey, seeing how much he's switched up from brooding and dangerous to a whimpy little girl. "Take off everything but your underwear." You say in a commanding tone, which makes him comply with ease, his hands almost ripping off his own plain white t-shirt and his hands fumbling shakily with his belt and pants, kicking them off and laying back down, still looking like he's about to piss

With the tough facade that you cannot break down now, feeling way too powerful to stop now. You hear his breath hitch when you call him that, still looking at you with fear but also arousal. You reach down, motioning for him to give you his wrists. He doesn't do it at first, but after seeing you extremely pissed off, he lets you take his wrists, tying one on one bed post and the other wrist to the other bed post, making sure they're secure.

You decide to grab a gag from the drawer at the last second, putting it in his mouth to keep him from talking as you undress yourself, showing yourself off to him as he lays there helpless and tied. You can see the obvious boner he has in his boxers, which gives you the opportunity to tease him. You walk over to the bed, straddling his hips as you hook your fingers around the elastic of his boxers, tugging them down until they're pooling at his ankles. His cock comes out and slaps his lower stomach, hard and leaking with pre-cum as his eyes beg you for release.

You lean close to his face, your tits close to where his gagged mouth is, making him whine from desperation to suck on your tits, to have what he wants but he knows you're punishing him from his aggression earlier. You decide that he doesn't deserve to have his dick sucked or touched, which makes him whine even more, his erection almost painful from how hard he is as he sees you dominate him.

You decide to mess with him even more, running your pussy lips up and down the shaft of his dick at a painfully slow pace, but not letting him enter yet. James whines desperately as both your tits are almost touching his face and your pussy won't let his cock inside of you, which he tries to beg through the gag. You can see how much torture you're causing him, making you feel proud of yourself to see your once dominant husband a whiny mess.

His hands try to move to at least touch your tits, but since he's still tied up, he lets out a loud sound between a groan and a whine of frustration, looking like he's about to break into tears if he's not given what he wants. As you feel like you've teased him enough, you finally let the head of his cock slip into your pussy, making both of you moan, letting him go all the way inside you. As you see him trying to thrust, you hold his hips down to stop him.

"Not yet." You command, moving your hips at a painfully slow pace. You feel his cockhead immediately hit your g-spot, making you gasp and groan, realizing how much he's the one that's dominant and not you. James keeps on whining, wanting to touch you, any part of you, but he's still powerless, smaller than you as his only choice is to lay there and take it without getting to touch you.

Time goes by and you decide that it's fair to loosen the load off of him and you remove the gag from his mouth, letting him speak again. "Asshole." Is what he says to you, but it doesn't sound like a threat. Both of you are rapidly approaching your orgasms, seeing he's absolutely desperate and in need to touch you, so as you keep riding him mercilessly, you decide to give him his freedom, untying his wrists. His hands immediately grab your hips, but one of them grabs your upper back and pushes you down so you're face to face with him.

He leans up and attacks your breasts, latching onto a nipple and sucking it like he's a newborn baby, making you moan loudly as well as his cock pistoning in and out of you at an extreme pace. Unable to stop yourself, you feel your orgasm hit you hard, making your eyes roll back and letting out a loud moan, which James's orgasm follows close behind yours, thrusting up into you and letting his hot cum squirt into you. As reality hits you, you collapse onto his chest, both yours and James's hearts are pumping like never before and your breathing is heavy.

As you both finally calm down, James pulls you down so you're lying beside him, his body wrapping around yours as a protective barrier. He kisses you softly, stroking your back with delicate motions. As your breaths steady, he looks down at you, still surprised how you stood up to him like you did.

"You need to be pissed off with me more." James jokes, trying to make you laugh, which succeeds. You chuckle as you look at him "I'll take you up on that."

[skitskatdacat63]

Hey, do you remember that really homoerotic scene from Skyfall? No? That's okay, here's a Vettonso version of it :)

- explanation & w/o text:

Hi hello, finally my weird psychosexual relationship with Casino Royale has come to fruition. Yeah this is directly based off a scene from Skyfall, but I def envision the vibe as being more like Casino Royale hehe. I can't believe I made that inspo board for this AU almost 4 weeks ago, and then ended up drawing a four panel "comic" about it. Ahhhh proud of myself, a bit, a tad. I think this took 20+ hours across the span of a week? God. Anyways I digress! The AU!!

First of all, their Bond song would be "My Way of Life" by Frank Sinatra. It's so toxic, codependent and obsessive, I'm in love with it. And it really suits Fernando and his motivations and outlook in this AU. Basically, MI6(in the context of James Bond) in this AU is an analog for Ferrari. It picks theses guys up, tells them that they're Ferrari MI6's most special boy, chews them up, and then spits them out when they're finished extracting all their talent and skill and life force.

Much like with Ferrari, Seb in this AU replaces Fernando after Fernando loses favor and becomes undesirable. Now Seb is the new golden boy, and Fernando has turned to a life of crime! Fernando resents Seb for this of course, but also becomes obsessed with him and the idea of him , and how they are connected. It's weird to watch someone else basically go down your exact same path and unknowingly make all the same mistakes(buying into the mysticism of it all too much, being overly cocky, having naive beliefs and goals, etc.) He is caught between wanting to doom Seb even more but also wanting to "save" him, by corrupting him and convincing him to work together.

Basically: He's both a Bond girl and Bond villain.

Fernando is in such a weird place in this AU. I think he's just very dramatic. Seb is just casually living his best 007(005?) life, and Nando is watching him with binoculars, whispering to himself: "DOESN'T HE UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE NARRATIVE FOILS!?" Yeah he hates Seb, but like the song lyrics say, their lives and dreams are inherently tied up together. He would feel lost without Seb, because Seb basically, unknowingly, destroyed and then took over his life. Maybe he'll feel satisifed if he manipulates Seb into going down the exact same path a bit better.

About the drawings themselves. Still can't believe this scene is a real thing that actually happened, insane to me. But in this AU, after the events of these drawings, Fernando definitely kicked all his henchman out of the room, and fucked Seb in the chair. And then against the wall. And then on the floor. Hey man, Seb is already looking mighty delicious with his unbuttoned attire and being tied up.

I think the general plot would be that Fernando keeps trying to seduce him to the dark side, and Seb keeps making him think it worked, only to escape at the end of the encounter. Leading Fernando to just come up with increasingly more violent and kinky traps. Seb goes along with it(read: enjoys it), leaving Fernando satisifed, only to somehow escape and wink and make kissy faces at Fernando in the process. (Fernando smoking cigarette in bed: "How do I make him stay. Sigh.")

I like to think though that Fernando does win in the end, by realizing, ah wait shit I do need to actually explain my motivations to Seb. And Seb is so worn down by his job, not Fernando, and how he's being treated, that he listens, really actually listens, and realizes Fernando does really have valid reasons. And then they become evil crime husbands yayyyy. Wow you thought this was a espionage AU? Well it is, but just not the outcome you'd expect.

[olivers-cocoapuffs]

Regulus is mostly blocking out his friends if he’s being honest, after a while you get used to Barty’s nonsense and block him out. Today he’s gotten Evan riled up and they’re bouncing stupidity off of each other. Regulus wants to strangle them both.

He voices this out loud, and Barty just grins and says “Kinky.”

Evan chortles, looking delighted and Regulus briefly wonder’s if he’s high. But alas, that’s just Evan for you. Regulus has been stuck on Barty-and-Evan duty because Pandora has been missing since last night and Dorcas is in a class of her own. 

Regulus shepherds them towards their charms class, making it just a minute before class starts. He’s good at doing it, they’d probably all be late if he wasn’t. 

The three of them sit in their usual row, in the back of the class. Evan and Barty are sharing a desk, but they push it up against Regulus’. Usually Pandora sits on Regulus’ right but she’s not here.

Regulus puts his bag on her seat to save it for her anyway. 

Last night the five of them were relaxing in the boys’ dorm and Barty was explaining the ins and outs of his fling with Peter Pettigrew of all people, when a third year knocked on their door and said that Minerva needed Pandora, but they didn’t know what for. Pandora had gone without complaint, and they hadn’t seen her since.

Charms comes and goes without any sign of her, so they head to the Great Hall for lunch. As Regulus sits, he scans the Gryffindor table, searching for who knows. He’s hoping to catch a glimpse of his brother, or a particular Quidditch Captain who’s looking very mouthwatering lately, or perhaps Pandora.

He only finds one of those three, and he’s the second option. James is sitting next to Pettigrew, and their heads are bent close together as they talk. Regulus can’t make out their words but they both look distressed, and as if they hadn’t slept.

This is concerning for a multitude of reasons; for one, Sirius and James are always together. Always. For two, both boys look like they’d rather not be noticed, which is unusual and not on brand for either of them, especially for James Potter. And third, none of the Marauders ever look less than perfect, and currently they both look like shit.

Suspicious.

Regulus turns his attention to Barty, who’s trying to see how many grapes he can fit in his mouth while Evan rants and absentmindedly keeps track of the grapes on his fingers.

“I’m getting worried about Dora.” Regulus tells them.

“Regulus Black? Outwardly caring about one of his friends? Scandalous.” Evan says, clutching his heart. Barty tries not to laugh so he doesn’t accidentally choke, which ends up him spitting grapes all over the table. 

Regulus scrunches his nose in disgust and turns back to Evan. “You’re an ass, and aren’t you worried? At all?”

Evan shrugs. “Pandora is Pandora, she’ll turn up eventually.”

[apoptoses]

Different anon but I recently watched crash because of your james spader posting and I loved it!! I also am exclusively picturing daniel as him now, he’s the perfect face claim. Also would love to hear your film recs!

yessss, it's such an insane movie, it's SO good! and it's not vampire-relevant at all but somehow a man who chases vampires and dates one and a man who chases the sexual thrill of car accidents are just two sides of the same coin imo

(and he is perfect, right?? welcome to the club 🥹)

so my offical spader recs are:

Sex Lies and Videotape

Spader plays Graham, a gentle weirdo who is impotent and has a kink for interviewing women about their sex lives and then watching the videos of said interviews back when he's alone.

watch it for: the interviewing the impotency combo have huge vampire!daniel vibes. he's so non-threatening, so politely weird, so eager to lie back and let a pretty auburn haired person touch his face. 100% molloy vibes.

Crash

you've already seen this, anon, but for anyone who hasn't: Spader is James Ballard, a guy who gets into a car accident and discovers a whole underground culture of weirdos who are horny for car crashes, and keep escalating their dangerous sex acts to find new thrills

watch it for: listen this movie is so outrageously horny and all about putting other people's lives at risk to get your own thrill, and if that isn't vampire adjacent i don't know what is. also the wife of spader's character is so emotionally flat and full of clinical vocabulary. the scene with her and spader in bed, talking about him sleeping with a man- it's armand and daniel, just trust me.

Secretary

a CLASSIC. he's the original Mr. Grey, deeply repressed dom who hires maggie gyllenhal as his secretary and ends up in a bdsm relationship with her. it's a very sweet movie with lots of kink, it's a lot of fun.

watch it for: the theme of letting your guard down and being fully understood. he's not at his most molloy here, but it's just a great film and gives you lots to think about in terms of what constitutes a relationship and letting another person in.

Dream Lover

Spader has a one night stand turned marriage with Madchen Amick, with all sorts of psychological twists and guessing games about who is the insane one and who is lying about their entire life.

watch it for: he's gorgeous, the sex scenes are 🥵 and if you squint you can blur Madchen Amick into looking like Armand lol he goes from gentle lover to mentally unhinged to murderer and looks beautiful the whole time, what else do you want?

Jack's Back

i don't even know how to explain this movie except to say that it's an 80's serial killer flick that's so bad it's good. Spader plays twins so you get to see him as the good boy and the bad boy here.

watch it for: the twin he plays in the first 1/4 of the movie is very molloy, so sweet and flirty and dedicated to his job. he does a lot of great eye rolling and arguing and then gets into the most weirdly kinky bad spot before his brother shows up. lots of nice shots of spader bloody, sweaty, smoking, exhausted, or some combination of all four. pure 80s trash but molloy adjacent in that he's a beautiful eyeful getting into trouble.

Bad Influence

More schlock in which Spader strikes up a friendship with bad boy Rob Lowe and gets his life ruined/is convinced to do some awful shit before embarking on a quest for revenge.

watch it for: Spader looking gorgeous in glasses, starting out innocent and then doing lots of unhinged things. it's more 'so bad it's good' stuff and seeing him be gentle but also get violent gives me so many thoughts about vampire daniel.

Stargate

A sci-fi flick in which he plays a physics nerd who is able to open a portal to another planet. Basically ancient aliens meets terminator.

watch it for: his character is literally named daniel and he's so sweetly passionate about his science stuff/ancient languages, very 'daniel molloy: pupil of marius' tbh

Other fun movies, but which are scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of quality or how often he appears:

•Tuff Turf (he is SO pretty in this one) •Cocaine: One Man's Seduction (watch a compilation of his scenes via youtube for some 80's daniel/angry daniel fodder) •Pretty in Pink (he's a wealthy 80s bad boy who's only in part of the film, the visuals are nice for picturing Night Island Daniel) •The New Kids (an awful movie in which hs plays an awful person but he gets covered in blood and has the kinkiest scene where he gets tied up, when you see it you'll know) •A Killer in the Family (more god awful stuff, but he's so so pretty and so permanently annoyed I couldn't look away) •Storyville (so, so dry but the jiujitsu scene and the kiss scene with the lawyer lady are worth seeing) •Curtain Call (really, really hard to hunt down but it's a cute romcom where he lives in a haunted house and is permanently annoyed, also him dancing with his love interest is so sweet and lovely i'm still picturing armand and daniel dancing like that)

I think this breaks down 80% of his filmography lol But really, watch sex lies and videotape, crash, and secretary for sure!! The rest are just excellent oggling material/potential smut inspo ♥

[skaruresonic]

Out of curiosity, could you make an example of a character that, in your opinion, was forcibly woobiefied by the narrative? In what instance(s) did you feel "cool motive still murder" or "I do not care enough about their plight, stop manipulating me"? It is a fine line to cross, so I find it hard to pinpoint where it is.

Scourge is one example. Archie really flip-flopped on what it wanted him to be. The new kid on the block? A pathetic nobody? Woobie, destroyer of worlds? Outside of that one side story, Scourge's daddy issues are not brought up again, begging questions of why they were introduced to begin with. They don't particularly do anything to flesh him out since they don't gel with his previous characterization (hailing from a world where everyone is "born evil") and his tears at Jules' mean words feel manufactured; if he really cared about his father, maybe he shouldn't have killed him.

Also like what the fuck, dude, your father achieved world peace and your response is to off him? At least when Creoda offs his dad, it's because his dad forces him to in replacement of his brother's punishment, and he's clearly horrified. 😤

Another example would be how the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy treats Christian Grey's trauma. Grey is a billionaire at age 27 by essentially doing nothing other than being adopted into the right family. Furthermore, he is an abuser who uses his kinky predilections as an excuse to "whip little brown-haired girls" who resemble his mother, whom he calls "the crack whore."

He used to go hungry sometimes as a toddler and this is stated to be the reason he does humanitarian aid now that he's #ultrarich. His lover Ana makes such a huge fuss about the trauma he sustained at the age of four, to the point where she infantilizes him as her "lost boy" during the most random moments, despite the fact that he's a grown man with more money and power than brains. Like sometimes she will cry over this shit for no apparent reason. It doesn't occur to her that he is financially abusing her by showering her with expensive gifts she doesn't want and forcing her to sell her old car.

Although it's not impossible for childhood hunger to impact one's psyche well into adulthood... those issues usually stem from having been poor and food-insecure for a long time. Grey would have well forgotten his hunger after having been adopted because the threat was no longer hanging over his head. So it comes across as "methinks the lady doth protest too much" whenever Ana yammers on about how little Grey had, especially when she goes all "uwu my poor Christian" in order to gloss over her own abuse at Grey's hands.

The more plot-relevant trauma Grey sustained is having been assaulted as a teen by an older woman. Even that is loaded with unfortunate implications, as it suggests an interest in kink must be the result of sexual trauma. However, the narrative treats the matter with such heavy-handed and juvenile clumsiness anyway that you just wind up feeling irritated with everyone involved.

Ana gives his abuser the nickname "Mrs. Robinson," and it's like. Reducing Grey's assaulter to a cougar psychically distances us from the gravitas of the situation. The book only pays the barest lip service to the fact that it's wrong for grown women to assault male minors (and even that feels perfunctory), and worse still, Grey remains friends with his assaulter, citing her as an inspiration and the reason for his empire. Like, what the fuck?

E.L. James could have built a more substantial story with these elements. Perhaps Grey is being financially abused by his assaulter long after the sexual assault stops, but he cannot escape the relationship due to being entangled in emotional and financial thorns. Perhaps his assaulter blackmails him, threatening to tank his reputation if he comes forward on the basis that people still believe the "female predators are just cougars doing young boys a favor" myth. Perhaps it takes him falling in love with an "unwashed peasant" Ana to realize that love isn't supposed to hurt, and he gives up his billionaire lifestyle for her despite poverty-related fears brought on by his childhood hunger.

This was probably close to the story 50 Shades wanted to tell, but it fails at that due to the fact that Grey is a massive douchenozzle who abuses his power and the fact that Ana has the IQ of a mollusk.

Imo woobification is a matter of whether the trauma remains relevant to the character and narrative in question. Scourge doesn't give a shit about his dead dad after issue 192, and neither does the rest of the comic; ergo,

Likewise, why should we care about the time Grey had nothing to eat at age four when he now commands the wealth of a small nation and can afford to feed a second?

The impact has to be proportional. Nobody lives to adulthood without accruing some baggage along the way, and it ought to be the same for fictional characters (generally speaking; there are, as always, exceptions).

I think the solution entails trying to consider characters holistically: where they've been, what they've seen, their beliefs, their culture, their environment, their relationships. Each impacts the next. Not to keep tooting my own horn by using my work as a counterexample, but Creoda suffers from the trauma of dehumanization at the hands of his family, which would be bad enough on its own. But it is exacerbated by his brother's abuse, the fatalism of Saxon culture, the strife in his relationships with those who ought to love him and who he ought to love, and "reinforced" through his continuous and painful resurrections.

His brother Cynric is the cause of the curse that echoes through every chamber of his life, so it's little wonder, then, that Creoda's goal is ultimately to destroy Cynric in the vain hopes of becoming a normal man. But it will not be enough to replace the emptiness, for death, like vengeance, always craves more.

It is not a drastic or singular trauma like the more overt 'nam flashbacks Arthur suffers of Camlan, but his beliefs have calcified in his bones like a misshapen sheath, protecting a more vulnerable marrow within.

Creoda does not base his beliefs on nebulous notions of faith; the curse is indeed real and ontologically proven as far as he's concerned. It is real because it proves itself to be real. And every implication that comes saddled with it is, therefore, just as unshakably real. He cannot be reasoned with because this is how he knows the world works. Nothing is more frightening than the implacability of a zealot who believes reality proves him right.

Yet knowing his mindset does not excuse his cruelty. If anything, his piety to a vindictive god makes his actions even more fucked-up, because he could say "my god has said that I must take your firstborn son to prevent a blight" and it's like what are you going to do? Kill him? The guy who can't die?

[lucyvaleheart]

reblogging this direct from source cuz it's such a long post but I got tagged by a bunch of people for this one!!

Thank you @black-eyed-seas, @cynthjam, @alicethebard, and @ladyofspoons for the ping <333

Last song: Technically speaking, last playing when I got out of my car was:

Just cuz it was running through my liked songs on spotify 👀 but the last one I listened to that stuck in my head (from the same drive this morning to work) was:

cuz I fuckin love this guy and I wanna learn the lyrics to this well enough to sing it by memory I'm SO CLOSE BUT HE'S SO FAST

Favorite color: Purple!! Probably a decently common answer, but it is SO FUCKING GOOD..... though there's also this specific shade of magenta I love, hang on I have a hex code for it: #FF3AF8

and here's a quick slice of it so you don't have to google that:

Last movie/TV show: Mmmm.... Again on a technicality, I watched casino Royale the James bond movie the other night 👀 my wife jade put it on the TV hehe

But the last one to stick in my memory as the actual "what have I watched recently" is probably Jujutsu Kaisen; me and jade got through all of season 1, the movie, and then more than half of season 2 (that's currently out) before taking a break and forgetting to go back to it LMAO

But it's so fucking good omg I'm such a sucker for good quality fighting animation and shit dude I love it

Sweet/spicy/savory?: All definitely have their place!! I think I lean most heavily towards sweet, with savory coming in at a close second; and I DO very much enjoy spicy (as long as it's flavorful and not just pure heat) but I am white and as much as I'm pushing my spice tolerance higher and higher I'm still pretty low on how much I can tolerate 😔

Relationship status: Poly as hell!! Married to @jadedkitteh, @ginny-erinschild is my girlfriend (!!!!) lots of gay kinky sex with like 18-30 other people; and fuckin.... I'm sure there's more on the way I've yet to meet ���

Last thing I googled: another answer with a technicality; the last thing I googled was leather for leather working cuz I'm.

.....I'm meeting up with a friend soon and they do leather working projects and stuff and I kind of wanted to get them a gift but I cannot fucking tell what is good quality leather or not qwq so I'm thinking I'll go to a store irl instead

The thing I last REMEMBER googling is Minecraft server hosts, so I could check into the current market of them (over saturated and riddled with bots, just like I remember) and see how expensive decent hardware was so I could maybe set one up for my discord server 👀

Current obsession: ......aside from my lifelong obsession with swords (see #swordposting), rocks, and Minecraft?

... Probably a game called Spiritfall :3 holy shit I've been running it over and over and over it's SO fun

Still in early access, but it's like.... A fuckin.....

... I'll link a post by one of the people working on it in a second here, but it's like a platform fighter roguelite 👀 combat is so goddamn fluid and fun and enjoyable, the roguelike elements are VERY hades so if you're a fan of smash or whatever and also hades I heavily recommend it! I've put like..... Easily over 100 hours into it in the month I've had it, they're constantly updating it with more shit, there's so many cool weapons (except a sword..... ;-; there's technically twin blades on a string but I would give my damn soul for just a proper longsword with close-combat style moves, like fuckin. Uh... I dunno, claren from rivals is a pretty good base? 👀👀👀 Marth/lucina? That kinda stuff, yknow?)

... Anyway here's a post by @ayeforscotland with some of my tags ranting about it :3

Tag nine people: oh boy. uh...... let's see here.

@ginny-erinschild @junk-thunder @naughtyshucklebuck @jaxspades @genderless-slave @puppygirlcassie @puppygirlarson @sparklefawx @penelopix @irlactualhuman @kaitiekat @boyphrodite and also any mutual who sees this on their dash and manages to read this far. Love you :3

Nine people I'd like to get to know better

Tagged by @meghawhopp <33

Last song: Down by the River by Borislav Slavov from the Baldur’s Gate 3 Soundtrack (or more specifically the cover of Down by the River by Nerissa Ravencroft)

Favorite color: Blue and purple!

Last movie/TV show: Seinfeld, I’m currently on season four!

Sweet/spicy/savory?: I have a huge sweet tooth, so sweet things

Relationship status: Single

Last thing I googled: I searched up the show “Arthur” because I was trying to find that one meme where Buster was like “You really think someone would do that, just go on the internet and spread lies?”

Current obsession: Fragaria memories and tears of themis mostly^^

Tag Nine People: @kyaruun @xinieeee @deadmansbistro @florapot @hunita812 @scuffle-with-spirals @rexonalapis @maxellera @manicpixiedoomedgirl

[ava-kedavra]

Breaking the News

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: When an investor drops out, Steve and Tony don’t wanna break the news to Bucky. Who better to call than you? We love CEO!Bucky don’t we?

Words: 2266

Warning: Uhhh pure filth, it came to me in a dream. Don’t read unless you’re 18+ friends. Includes CEO!Bucky, kinky shit, and some sexy shit.

-

You were sitting at the kitchen island drinking your morning coffee when you got the text.

Bucky’s in a bad mood. Big investor pulled out today but he doesn't know it yet. Any chance you could stop in?

You snort into your coffee as you read Tony’s text. Of course he wants you to break the news to your boyfriend so he doesn’t get the heat of it.

I’ll be in within the hour. You owe me.

You quickly shoot back, when in reality it was almost like a treat to you. You didn’t know exactly why James was in a bad mood, but you had a feeling it was due to this morning.

James turned the shower off and grabbed a towel from the rack. He combed back his hair in the mirror, but caught the site of you in bed in his peripheral vision.

Your hair covered your face smushed into the pillow as you laid on your stomach. You were in nothing but a pair of panties and one of James’s old shirts. Your legs were spread enough that the shirt had ridden up and James could see your covered pussy.

He turned away from the mirror and leaned back on the sink, slowly feeling himself harden at the memories you had made between the sheets just hours prior.

You looked delectable and James wanted something sweet for breakfast.

He slowly stalked over, throwing the towel on the floor as he made his way back into bed. He hovered above you as he moved your hair to the side and began kissing your shoulders.

His lips ghosted down farther until he was kissing your hip. You barely stirred as he spread your legs further apart. He looked up to see your face furrowed, but eyes still closed as he moved your panties to the side.

He gently grabbed a handful of your ass as he kissed your pearl. You jerked away with a whine and tried to close your legs. He grabbed your hips as you pushed your face further into the pillow.

“James,” you breath, “no, I’m too sore baby.”

He massages your hip as he lays down next to you, so his lips ghost over yours. He quickly pecks them.

“But I wanna eat that pretty pussy of yours,” he says in your ear and pinches your hip.

“I’m so tired,” you thread your fingers through his hair, “I just want cuddles.”

He sighs contently as you grab his hair sleepily, and before he knows it you’re back to dreaming. He slowly moves your hand from his head and climbs back out of bed, but not before kissing your cheek.

You’re quick to throw on a cute mini dress complemented with swarovski crystals and your favorite pair of Louboutins.

There’s already a black Audi waiting for you outside that you assume Tony sent. You hop in and scroll through your phone as the driver speeds through the city.

You smile at Gina the receptionist when you walk in and head straight for the elevator. You hit the top floor and tap your foot as it slowly ascends.

When you get to the top floor you take a detour and go into Tony’s office to find him and Steve at his desk.

“Hi boys,” you say sweetly as they lift their tumblers to you.

“Here it is,” Tony hands you a manilla folder and you take it from him.

“How bad is it?” You ask, flipping through the folder.

“I’m not in the mood to lose my job,” Steve says over his glass before taking a drink.

You lightly laugh, “maybe clear the floor?”

“We could use an early lunch anyways,” Tony shrugs and winks. Steve's face is red as he tosses back the rest of his drink.

“I’ll see you two around,” you tell them before you’re heading down the hall.

You stop at the receptionist desk in front of your lovers’ office.

“Hey Peter,” you smile, “Is James available?”

“Yeah he uh wrapped up the last meeting early,” he says meekly. You know that's the code word for ‘he kicked them out with excessive swearing’.

“Clear his schedule for the next hour, will you?” You ask and he nods, “And take a coffee break.”

He nods quickly and moves towards the elevator. You wait for the ding telling you he’s gone before opening Bucky’s door.

You don’t even knock and Bucky doesn’t look up.

“Rogers if you try and yell at me for that meeting-” He stops his thought as he finally looks up to see you smiling at him.

“Hi baby,” you purr as you slowly walk around his desk, holding the folder behind your back.

“Doll, what are you doing here?” He pulls his chair away from the desk and grabs your hips so you’re sitting on the desk in front of him.

“I just wanted to pop in and say hi,” you say sweetly as you set the folder down amongst his papers and loop your arms around his neck.

“Come ‘ere,” his Brooklyn accent thick with lust as he sets you in his lap.

You spread your legs so his thighs are between yours. He keeps his hold on your hips as his mouth connects with yours. You sigh into his mouth as your fingers trail into his hair.

He feels up your dress casually and grabs at your chest. You’re panting as he continues feeling up your body, grinding down to create some kind of friction between your legs.

You begin kissing down his neck and grabbing at his shirt when he groans out, “what did I do to deserve this?”

You look up from unbuttoning his shirt, “I missed you,” you say innocently before he’s grabbing your hips and pushing you down hard on his bulge.

You try and wriggle your hips but he doesn’t let up, leaving your hands still as you pant hotly in his neck.

He lifts you with ease onto the desk at the end. He gently pushes aside the photo of you before humping into your core making you moan out loud at the feeling.

“Why are you here?” You run your hands down his back and grab at his ass, trying to push him into you again but he just tuts at you.

You like up at him through your eyelashes, “I just said I missed you.”

You keep eye contact as you lightly trail your hand over his bulge and he shuts his eyes for a moment before looking down at you again.

It was the ‘I know you’re lying and I’m gonna punish you for it’ look that had a new wave of arousal pool in your panties.

“You know,” he starts as he swats your hand away and lays you back on his desk, “I don’t believe you.”

You frown at him as you try to take his shirt off. He grabs both of your hands easily with one and pins them above your head, slamming them against the table.

“Bucky,” you lick your lips without realizing, “please just fuck me baby.”

“You’d want that, wouldn’t you?” He says, letting go of your hands but you don’t dare to move them.

Such a good girl, he thinks to himself.

You nod vigorously.

“Use your words darlin’” he grabs your hips and slides you to the edge of the desk roughly, moving the papers along with you.

“Yes I would,” you say.

He’s hovering over your body so his face is nearly in the crook of your neck. He slowly pushes your dress up before biting at your ear.

“Yes,” he bites right below your ear, “I would,” bites your neck, “what?” His nose pokes at your cheek as his left arm trails up your body.

“Yes I wo-“ you gasp as his hand grips around your neck, but he tilts his head waiting for you to continue.

“I would s-sir,” you stutter out as he lightly squeezes your neck.

“Good girl,” he cooes as he lifts his head up to tower over you.

You look gorgeous with his hand around your neck and lips puffy from the intense makeout session you just had. But James’ eye quickly noticed something new on his desk. You see his eyesight move to where the folder had peaked out from under your back and you try to grab his attention by pulling the straps of your dress down.

His eyes flick your boobs, and his mouth opens into a groan before he licks your nipple in a circular motion. You arch your back as he leaves a teasing bite to the hardening nub. His hand moves from your throat to your other breast, making sure each gets equal attention.

He’s groping your chest and your hands are grabbing at his hair to keep him in your chest as you shift your back to hide the folder. You hope it plays off as you trying to push your chest in his face to try and get more attention, but you know it doesn’t work.

He moves his hands back down to your hips and gives them a squeeze, “what’s in the folder baby girl?” His mouth is on your neck, giving light bites and kisses to soothe the slight pain.

You groan out and he chuckles deeply. He lifts his head to see you shutting your eyes with a grimace as he snakes his hand under your back to grab the folder.

He can already guess it’s nothing good given you’re trying to pull it away from him and sit up on the desk.

“How about you fuck me against your windows and then you can look?” You say sickly sweet despite the filthy words coming out of your mouth.

He tilts his head at you as you bite your lip. Your eyes travel down to his prominent boner in his dress pants and you begin undoing his belt. He doesn’t stop you as you slowly unzip his pants.

You’re about to reach your hand into his boxers to finally feel him when he surprises you by grabbing your hips and sitting you back on his lap in his desk chair.

You moan out at the feeling of his bulge more prominently out and hard against your core.

You grind against him and he throws his head back against the desk chair. You take the opportunity to attack his neck with bites and kisses, grabbing his arms for leverage.

He still has the folder just barely in his right hand, his left hand on your hip pushing you down on his dick.

“I have a better idea,” he says low in your ear. You’re still trying to get friction from his dick, but he easily stops your hips and you whine against his neck.

“How about you sit on my dick while I read this, and if you’re good you’ll get to cum,” His left hand is moving down to your dress, slowly pulling it up over your hips.

“Got it darling?” He asks as he pulls your panties to the side.

“Yes sir.” It’s more of a moan than anything as his finger lightly brushes your pearl. You trail your hands down to his boxers, the fabric stretched from his shaft straining against the material.

You raise your head from his neck to look him in the eyes. He gives you a nod and you take it as a cue to release him from his boxers. He lifts his hips as you pull the material down, finally freeing his package.

Spit gathers in your mouth as you eye his hardened dick out, the tip angrily red. He continues to rub at your clit, gathering the moisture from your hole on his finger.

His hand on your hip tightens as he pushes you up slightly, so you’re hovering over his lap, you move your hands to his shoulders. Not breaking eye contact with you, he slowly inserts his middle finger in your hole, making you gasp out at the feeling.

“You’re dripping on my palm doll,” he whispers cockily.

He’s right, you are.

He adds his ring finger and you sigh at the feeling of him slowly fingering you. It’s driving you crazy the way he’s moving his hand languidly up and down.

You trail one of your hands down to grip his member, hot against your fist and leaking heavily from the tip.

You don’t know how long you stay like that, staring into each other's eyes as you pleasure the other. It’s intimate and heavy as you start to try and grind down on his fingers.

The slow pace he set is excruciating, it feels good but you want more.

And that’s exactly what you tell him.

“Please sir,” you beg, “I want you to fuck me.”

He stops completely, fingers deep in your cunt, nearly making you sob out.

He sets the folder down on the desk behind you before gripping your jaw harshly in his palm.

“I need to make sure you’re ready for me baby,” he says seriously.

“I am,” you assure him eagerly, squeezing his dick hard in your hand.

He shuts his eyes at the feeling, “I don’t think,” he grunts when you cup his balls, opening his eyes to look into yours, “you deserve it.”

“James,” you say exasperated, “please let me sit on your dick.”

“I don’t know honey,” he’s dragging it out as he upcups your jaw, moving his hand down to your breasts.

“Please,” you gasp as he flicks your nipple.

“Hm” he hums against your chest, “you sure?”

-

part two coming soon!

hope you’re all well. I’ve been holding onto this for a while oops.

[lookismaddict]

Lookism Chapter 430 Memes/Thoughts I Have:

(SPOILERS !!! I don’t own any of the Lookism panels and the translations. Only the memes that I made.)

I ALREADY KNOW EVERYBODY ON TUMBLR IS GOING CRAZY OVER THIS CHAPTER RN. I STG. 💀💀💀💀 (But same guys… 👀) AND HERE ARE THE REASONS:

Honestly, all of us in this chapter because it’s gonna be a DOOZYYY. 🤭

Oh boy. Back to this photo again.

I kinda already had a feeling this was the case because why did Charles freak out during that time when he visited Daniel?

Ooooooo, new ally? 🤔

Uhhhhh…. 😬

SURE JAMES… YOU MAY LOOK LIKE AN ANGEL, BUT I FOR SOME REASON DON’T TRUST YOU. AFTER THAT LITTLE STUNT YOU PULLED WITH THE WORKERS AND YOU BETRAYED CHARLES CHOI, I DUNNO… KINDA FISHY TO ME. 😑 (I have a feeling he’s going to betray Daniel… maybe. Idk that’s just my hunch.)

Uh ha ha, Mr. James Lee… WE KNOW WHERE THIS MAN IS AT!! 

DANIEL I DON’T TRUST JAMES. PLSSSSSSSSS NOOOOO. NOT YET.

Bruv. LMAAOOOOO NICE SAVE, IG. James be like, “Uh... ok?” 💀

Oh god, oh god, oh god oh god... Jake and Lineman....

Bro, I bet most people forgot that this was a war amongst TEENAGERS. 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

The crazy eyes, bruh. I cannot... 😬 

Awww, Ryuhei... 😭 Missing Samuel. ❤️

Literally Ryuhei @ Samuel Seo:

HELLOOOOOOO????? PTJ????? YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID WITH THAT PANEL, SIR. IT WAS YOUR DECISION TO DRAW THAT. WHY DOES HE HAVE A GAG, AND WHO’S IS IT???? KINKY ASS- 👁👄👁 

BRUHHHH IM SCREEEAAAAMMMINGGGSAHJDKFHLDJ!!!!!!!

HELLO??? NEW GIRL CRUSH???? 👀👀👀👀

Oh...

Well I expected that she was working for them. Sorry Samuel, ya done now- 

Oh... x2 Poor Johan, Samuel, and Daniel bruh. R.I.P. Ayo, Workers First Affiliate???? HOLD ON NOW-

DANIEL BEING THE BOSS ASS BITCH THAT HE IS!!!!! YESSSSS KIIIIINNNGGGG. YOU GO AND MAKE YOUR OWN CREW AND THEN GO BEAT THEIR ASSES!!! 😤😤😤 (Even though I believe that’s what Gun wanted from him in the first place from that one chapter.) ALSO DAMN, LOOK AT DANIEL’S MUSCULAR YET BROAD BACK. MODEL MUCH? 😩😩

THE 3 BIG J’S ARE BACKKKK!!!!!!!!  I GOT CHILLS, BUT IN A GOOD WAY.

WAIT, DANIEL. IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS??????? PLSSSSSSSSSS

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! *VELOCIRAPTOR SCREECHES* OMGGGGGG!!!!! JAAAAAYYYYYY, OUR KING IS BAAAAACCCCKKK!!!!! IM CRYING, PISSING, AND SHITTING MYSELF RN. OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN FUCKING HEARD, LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! 😤😤😤😤😫😫😫😫😫😫😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 HE LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD BRUH, I CANT. IM SOBBING RN. YOU DONT KNOW HOW HAPPY I AM TO SEE THIS MAN AFTER 200+ CHAPTERS. 

OHHHHHHHHHHH SHIT. ANOTHER MEMBER TOO? WHO IS ITTTTT???????? 

Bruh. I’m betting it’s the Hudson dude who Daniel fought with. If not, then I’m guessing Vin Jin. OR TAESOO MA. Those are my two guesses. PERO OVERALL, THIS MF CHAPTER ASDGHFASKJDFHASKJFHSADKHJF. SO MUCH WAS GOING ON HERE. I feel bad for Big Deal for being forced into hiding like that. I just hope that they join with Daniel’s crew eventually so that they can beat the Workers. Also, free ya bois Samuel, Johan, and Daniel’s 2nd body. They really need it rn. 😔🙏🏽 AND WE GET TO FINALLY SEE JAYYYYYYYYYY!!!! OUR SOFT KING.  DANIEL PARK’S KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR. 😭😭😭😭💕💕💕💕 I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE. SHIT IS GONNA KEEP GETTING INTERESTING FROM HERE ON OUT. 

(ALSO, I’M SORRY THAT THERE’S LESS MEMES IN THIS CHAPTER. THERE’S TOO MANY THINGS HAPPENING AND I CAN’T SEEM TO THINK OF GOOD IDEAS BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL MOSTLY SERIOUS.) 

[shurisneakers]

harmless (vi)

Summary: Bucky volunteers to go stop a small time villain, but nothing can prepare him for what exactly he has to deal with. (Bucky x villain!reader, drabble series)

Warnings: cursing, existential crisis, frustrated bucky, dramatic reader, lil bit of angst, clint barton being a lil shit

Word count: 1.9k

A/N: BUCKY BARNES IS BACK AND HAS A CONFIRMED PERSONALITY 

also omg everyone who’s been sending me ideas- ur the lomls. 

if you have any ideas for future inventions/evil plans, lemme know! i might actually end up using them

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Previous Part || Series Masterlist

Your place or mine? ;)

He stares at the text.

The right answer is mine. See you at the lair.

“Y’all are dating now?” Clint peeks over his shoulder. 

“Fuck no,” Bucky says indignantly. “God forbid.”

“Okay, man,” he retracts, giving Bucky space to turn around and face him. “What do you want to call your mini dates then?”

“Missions,” Bucky corrects him.

“No one wants to go on a mission. You volunteered to go back there.” 

“It’s for the good of the tristate area.” 

“I bet.” The snort he lets out contradicts his words. “Whole world is depending on you, Barnes. Go save them from the treachery of your crush.”

“Enemy.”

“Girlfriend.”

“Mortal nemesis.” Bucky narrows his eyes at him. “Go further, I dare you.”

“What are you gonna do? Choke me? Punch me with your metal arm?” Clint cranes his neck. “Bring it, big boy. I’m not scared of some kinky shit.”

He hates living here. 

The door is left open for him. 

This time, even though the lair is still illuminated by the green light out in the front, there’s a minor change. Sunlight streams in through a skylight in the roof. 

There’s a ladder there, leaning against the rim. It gives him an entrance to the roof, which, judging by the lack of any other presence in the lab, is where he’s supposed to go.

As he gets closer he notices there’s a note on one of the rungs.

‘Evil’ with an arrow pointing upwards.

He rolls his eyes, discarding it on the floor before swiftly scaling the steps.

“Ah, Mr. Barnes,” he hears your voice call out even before his head pops up above the surface. “We’ve been expecting you.” 

He pauses, looking around. “Who’s with you?”

Because other than the gigantic machine pointed up towards the sky, there’s only you with a visor and sunglasses. The  best way he can describe its design was that it was shaped like a pine cone, had a large antenna pointed towards the sky, two handlebars near its base to manoeuvre it with a large button in between them. 

“Just imagine I have my henchmen with me,” you urge. “I’m on a budget, man, I can’t afford them yet. Maybe when my cloning machine finally works-”

He doesn’t answer.

“It’s a James Bond reference,” you add when he doesn’t show any signs of answering. 

“Haven’t watched it yet.” Bucky shrugs. “We’re doing Star Trek right now.”

“You’re done with Star Wars?” you, receiving a nod in confirmation. “Nice. You’d find the spy shit ridiculous anyway, it’s way below your level.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He makes a mental note to add the Bond movies to the list. 

“Speaking of stars,” you begin, gesturing to the machine. “I’m going to harness the power of the sun.”

“For what?” He doesn’t bother asking how, he already knows you’ve figured out something. 

“There’s a science exhibition and my team’s stupid solar car experiment isn’t working and I need it for them to win.” 

“So build a better one.” 

“No, ours is the best and if Jeff and his stupid baking soda volcano beat us then we’re going to have a murder on our hands.”

“Your hands,” he emphasises. He has nothing to do with this.

“I said what I said, boy.” You glare at him. “This is our problem now.”

“How much power are you taking?” If it’s insignificant enough, it wouldn’t matter much. He thinks. 

“The whole thing.”

He laughs. He stops when you don’t.

“You’re taking all the energy of the sun to power your shitty science model.”

“Your face is a shitty science model,” you mimic him in a higher pitched voice. “I will do anything to win.”

He wonders which grade kid you stole that insult from was in. There’s no way they were anything older than 13. He could use it on Steve, maybe.

“Everyone on Earth will die.” He feels the need to remind you, even though there was no way it was actually going to take place. Eat shit, Clint. This superseded the tristate area.

“Not for eight minutes.” You look at your watch. “And, if Jeff dies then I win by default.”

“You’ll die too,” he points out. 

“I’ll die a winner.” You nod seriously as if that makes it better. 

He’s not that worried. Experience tells him that you’re not a mass murderer willingly. 

“You’ll die an idiot.” 

“Only if you don’t stop me.” Your lips curve into a smile. “And how will you when I do this?”

You yank the machine to point towards him and slam the button. His hand reflectively pulls in front of him to defend himself. Something hits him with enough force to send him skidding backwards slightly. 

He removes his hand carefully from in front of him, looking at you. 

Something feels off.

“You just-”

The knives strapped to his thighs suddenly feel heavier.

“Took your powers?” you finish his thought. “Yeah.”

He feels his body tip towards his left. He’s suddenly very aware of the weight of the arm. Had it been this heavy all this while? 

“You’ve barely changed,” you noted, “You’re just regular Bucky but like, 20% less beef.”

After all, he was a boxer when he was a teen. One of the best men the Howling Commandos had even before the serum.

His shoulder feels heavier though. And somehow he thinks he’s sensing things a little less. He can’t really hear the faint buzzing of the generator downstairs anymore.

“Yep, that’s real muscle.” He turns when you poke at his shoulder. He doesn’t know when you got there. “You’re like a modern day Schwarzenegger. Grade A beefcake.”

He can’t see the construction site near the horizon as clearly as he used to. 

Something about this situation makes him feel like he’s going to have a midlife crisis, even though he’s overshot the age by a huge number. No one has a midlife crisis at 106. 

“Now that we’ve established that this works,” you say, back near the machine again. When did you walk there? “Let’s show this bitch that I’m the brightest star allowed in this solar system.” 

He shakes his head to jolt himself awake, shoves aside his mental dysfunction and breaks out into a sprint when you pull the device down to aim it at the sky. 

He latches onto the side, using his left hand to pull himself up, straddling the machine.

“Excuse me,” you exclaim like it’s a minor inconvenience and he feels the machine sway wildly under him. “You’re weighing it down, get off my inator.”  

You’re shooting recklessly, trying to shake him off. It’s not dissimilar to the mechanical bull Natasha made him ride during a mission down south so she could win money off placing bets on him. They had lobster that night.

He reaches down to its side, hoping to feel maybe a panel he can rip off. He finds nothing.  

He hopes none of the rays are actually hitting anything. It’s a little harder to stay on than he’d imagined it would be, and he thinks that maybe this wasn’t the best plan. 

He changes his mind in a split second, swinging himself over so that he can climb the underside of the machine like a monkey bar. He feels like a fucking insect. How was Peter not mortally embarrassed? 

He factors in the fact that his hands are getting clammier and his grip is slipping faster than usual. Also, he can taste his lunch at the back of his throat.

“Motherfucker,” Bucky curses when his hand slips, leaving him to hold on only by his metal arm. 

“You okay?” you call out, not giving him a second to recover unless he really needed it.

He lets out a grunt, swinging his arm up and catching hold of the antenna, yanking it down and towards the machine itself. He pulls himself up so that he’s straddling the machine again. 

One more shot and-

“Very smart, Barnes,” you say dryly, letting go of the handles. 

He sends you a sly grin before sliding down the barrel, kicking the large button with his heel right before he jumps off. 

The beam shoots out, instantly meeting with metal. The device automatically gives a mechanical groan before powering down, turning off altogether. 

“I hate you,” you huff, before noting his paleness. “D’you want some water? An IV maybe?”

He dismisses it with a wave of his hand, inhaling heavily to catch his breath.

He’s tired, more so than he would have been under any normal circumstance. He feels a little dizzy, a little disoriented. 

“Don’t worry, your magic powers will be back in a few minutes or so.” You examine the bent antenna, pressing the button and sighing when it stands there lifelessly. “Once Jeff wins, I’ll send the dry cleaning receipt to you. You can pay to get the tear stains out of the kids’ outfits.”

“Your tears or theirs?” He’s relieved about the powers returning, he thinks.

“Both, bitch.” Your eyebrow quirks at his retort. Clearly, he had more energy in him than people realised; his brain seemed to be working fine. He was stronger than you thought. Good for him. 

“You’re smart. You’ll figure something out.” He lets out a final exhale before standing up a little straighter. 

“Thanks. It’d be better if you asked your billionaire tech genius to send us something, but okay.”

“It’s a middle school science exhibition. Make a potato battery or something.”

You tsk-tsk. “No points for creativity, Mr. Barnes.”

It creeps into his mind without warning. He wonders if he actually wanted the powers back. Wonders what his life could be if he maybe retired, settled down. For the brief time he feels like his pre-war self, he starts to think like his pre-war self.

“I’m not the one who’s about to lose to a baking soda volcano,” he finds time to respond, however. 

“Your face is a baking soda volcano.” You narrow your eyes at him. “I will not lose.”

“You’re running out of time. Chop chop.”

But the thought hits him. Who is Bucky without his super soldier serum? If he doesn’t have his powers then he can’t think of what use he is to the Avengers.

Who the hell is Bucky if he can’t provide a service to others? How else does he make up for being himself?

His, what he’s now deemed, afterlife crisis is starting to look more apparent.

He compartmentalises and stores it away in a box. He’ll bring it up with his therapist later. 

“I’m going to win and then you’ll be sorry you weren’t a part of it because you didn’t let me steal the sun.” 

“If you win, I’ll still be glad I didn’t let you.” He climbs back down the ladder, feeling the ache in his muscles reduce with every passing minute. 

True to your word, his powers do return a while later. 

And while he’s watching Avatar: The Last Airbender with Peter in the living room two days later, his phone beeps with a text. 

It’s a picture of a blue first place ribbon next to a toy car that looks like it’s powered by a potato battery. Beside it is an out of focus middle finger that is aimed at him. 

Congratulations, he texts back. Told you potato batteries always win.

Your face always wins, he receives in return. He can’t tell if you’re insulting or flirting with him. 

He just shuts his phone off and goes back to watching the show. 

Next part

[regretthatsme]

Mummy's Best Boy - Harry Potter x Fem!reader

Warning: Smut, dom!reader + sub!Harry, Mummy kink (not the monster, like a nickname for your mom), face sitting, pegging, just all around smut.

Dating Harry James Potter was nothing short of absolutely spectacular. He was one of the most caring, considerate, beautiful men to ever be created. Y/N wasn't sure if he was crafted by the gods themselves or not. He probably was. But there were somethings that were very.... unexpected.

Namely being that Harry was a kinky shit.

Not that Y/N was complaining. She quite liked it, honestly. It was quite fun to dominate Harry. Imagine having the Chosen One squirming underneath you and begging for you to let him cum.

He was a bit of a brat, though. He loved teasing you in class because he was horny. He would break rules quite a bit (though when have rules ever stopped the chosen one).

Lately, however, he was being so good. He was following all of your rules. He was respectful. He never talked back to you. He even turned in his work on time and didn't get detention for a whole week, which for Harry was a goddamn miracle. You had to reward him.

You walked into the common room to see Hermione trying to get Harry and Ron to study. "Harry?" His head shot up at the sound of your voice. "Come up to your dorm." Harry practically bolted up the stairs to his room.

"Sit on the bed." Y/N said in a stern yet loving voice. Harry did as he was told. "Do you know why I asked you to be here?" Harry shook his head. "Words, button."

"No. I don't know, Mummy." Y/N groaned a small bit at the nickname.

"Do you think you're in trouble?" He refused to make eye contact.

"Y-yes. Did I make Mummy upset?"

Y/N smiled before saying, "No." Harry finally looked at you and a smile spread across his face. "You have made Mummy so happy! You have been so well behaved."

His eyes began to crinkle at the sheer size of his smile. "I brought you in here today because you get a reward. A reward for Mummy's best boy."

"Really?"

"Yes! You were so good." She kissed his cheeks, forehead, hands, basically any area of skin she could reach. "Now lay back, darling. Mummy's gonna take care of you."

He laid back. The smile never left his beautiful face. "Relax, my love." Y/N I said. She pulled down his pants. "You call the shots. If you want me to do something, just ask." His dick stood at half-mast. "Oh, baby." She gently stroked him. "Such a pretty cock." Harry's eyes rolled back into his head. "Prettiest cock I've ever seen."

Harry was biting his lip so hard that Y/N was worried he would draw blood. "Moan for me, baby boy." Small whimpers leave his mouth. Soon, he began begging.

"Please. Go faster. Please. Please."

"Whatever you say, poppet." She sped up her hand and watched as Harry's hip rutted into her hand. "You like that, don't you."

"Yes, Mummy. Love your hand so much."

Her hands felts a slickness at the top of his dick. When she looked down, she saw a bead of precum forming at the tip. She used her thumb to spread it around. His dick looked absolutely delectable. She needed to have a taste. As if he read her mind, Harry began to ask for her to suck him off.

She took him into her mouth. "You taste so good, angel." She moaned. Harry could feel his orgasm approaching.

"Oh shit! I'm close. I'm close. I'm close. Please let me cum. Please. Please!"

"Cum for me, sunshine."

A few seconds later and hot spurts of his cum landed in her mouth. She swallowed every last drop of it. Harry's eyes were squeezed shut and his forehead had a slight sheen due to the sweat. "You look gorgeous when you cum. You know that, right?"

"Yes, Mummy."

"Good." Y/N kissed his forehead. "Now, let's get you cleaned up-"

"No!" Harry said suddenly, surprise Y/N.

"No? Why not?" Harry became flustered again and refused to answer her. Even after being together since 5th year, he still got embarrassed quite easily. Too cute. "Do you want to cum again?"

Harry nodded his head and whispered a quiet, "Yes, Mummy. Can you use the..."

"The what? Use your words, button."

"The strap on." His words were so quiet that you almost couldn't hear it. Y/N let out a small chuckle.

"Don't be embarrassed, dear. You know I love pegging you." She reached underneath the bed and pulled out a shoebox. She opened it up to reveal a purple dildo and a bottle of lube.

"Can you suck on this, doll?" Harry parted his lips for you to push the toy into his mouth. "Good boy." She pushed it so far that Harry choked on it. She took it out, strapped it to herself, and put an ample amount of lube on the dildo. "Gonna need you to relax, yeah?" She slowly inserted the toy into his hole. "So tight, starlight." Harry had a small grimace on his face, a signal that you didn't use enough lube, which Y/N promptly added.

She kept moving in and out going deeper each time. When she hit his prostate, tears leaked from Harry's eyes from the stimulation. Y/N wiped them away. "Feel good, yeah?" Harry aggressively nodded his head.

"Yes. Feels so good." His legs began to shake.

"Are you close, flower?"

"Yes. So close. Can I please cum?"

"Of course, lovely." His orgasm washed over him and a puddle of white poured out onto his stomach. More tears leaked from his eyes and his moans, which sounded quite a bit like sobs, were so deliciously loud. Y/N praised him as he worked through his orgasm. "So good. So pretty. So beautiful, baby boy. So perfect. So perfect for Mummy." She pulled out and  brushed his hair from his sticky forehead.

Y/N laid down next to Harry. "So proud, my boy." She whispered into his temple.

"A-are you okay, Mummy?" Asked Harry.

"I'm much more than okay. So happy because of you, angel." Y/N reassured. "Why would you ask?"

"B-because Mummy didn't cum."

"Mummy doesn't need to cum. Today is about you, my sweet."

"But I want Mummy to cum. Please? I just want Mummy to feel good." There were some more tears forming in his eyes. "Please, let me make you feel good, Mummy." Y/N looked deep into his eyes and kissed his supple lips. He could still taste himself on her tongue.

"How would you like to make me cum?"

"May I p-please eat you out?" Y/N responded buy pulling down her panties and hitching up her skirt. She carefully crawled up until she was sitting on Harry's face. Her pussy was sopping wet. How can you blame her when the most beautiful man to ever walk the Earth came twice right in front of her?

Harry didn't wait a second later before he started devouring her. There was no need for foreplay. She was already worked up. His tongue circled her clit and his lips closed around it, giving a big suck.

"Oh, fuck! You're so good at eating me out." Y/N gasped. Harry stuck his finger into pussy. Her cunt almost sucked it in. The combination of that and his amazing tongue had her seeing stars in minutes. She rode out her high on his face for a few more seconds before rolling off of his face.

"Thank you, Mummy." Harry said as he relaxed into the bed.

"Why are you thanking me?"

"Thank you for letting me make you feel good."

Y/N looked back at the puddle of cum, which looked a little bit larger than before.

"Mummy, I think I came again."

Y/N looked at Harry's face. His eyes were closed. His breath was even. He looked at peace. "Don't fall asleep yet, my love. We still have to clean you off." Harry opened his eyes but the dazed expression he had still remained. "Mummy needs to run you a bath and get a wash cloth. Stay here, alright? Don't move." She did as she said she would, transfiguring one of his roommates bed into a full tub and grabbing a cloth from her bag, for she had already anticipated this. She dipped the wash cloth into the warm water and wrung it out. She gently wiped the white of Harry's lean yet muscular stomach.

"Alright, bubba. Come on. We have to get you clean." Harry slowly sat up and Y/N had to support him to the bathtub. They both got into it, Harry sitting in between Y/N's legs. She carefully massaged his shoulders and washed his hair.

"Thank you, Mummy." Harry said as he crawled back into a freshly made bed.

"Thank you, Harry. My beautiful, kind, considerate, lovely, fantastic, amazing baby boy." She kissed his forehead before cradling him in her arms and humming him to sleep.

[imaslutforremusandsirius]

Its my 3rd request already? Well shit. Could you do a dom Sirius and James and sub Remus and fem reader.. Punishment. In a classroom.. For not doing their homework- And just like... Put EVERY SINGLE ONE of the kinks that you have- When did I turn into a kinky bitch😫

Why are you being bad?

Ft. James‘ and Sirius‘ big dick™️

Read the username and knew the request was gonna be good, Enjoy!! <3

Warning: 18+

---

You had been busy all afternoon yesterday, planning some prefect stuff with Remus. Both of you had been so engrossed in the planning, that the potions essay had completely slipped your mind.

„Fuck they’re gonna be mad. This is the third time we forgot!“ Remus panicked.

„Shit!“ you swore „I knew that we had forgotten something!“

„I don’t want to be punished“ Remus whined „I barely healed from last time. My ass fucking hurts!“

You sat down on the bed and buried your face in your palms, silently thinking of an excuse.

„What if“ you hesitated „What if we just lie and say we did do it. And – and we say that some Slytherins attacked us from behind, vanishing the essays?“

Remus gave you a hopeful look. „You think that’ll work?“

You bit your lip. „It has to otherwise we’re fucked mate.“

Remus snorted. „Don’t call me mate, I’ve fucked you before.“

You laughed at that and took his hand in your own. „Right, lets go.“

---

Remus and you were in your seats, behind Sirius and James. The two doms had been in a sour mood all morning, something about Quidditch being cancelled. Remus‘ hand was squeezing your thigh hard and your leg was bouncing a fucking mile a minute.

„What if they know?“ Remus said.

„If you keep acting like a scared bitch of course they’ll know Rem!“ You whisper-yelled.

„Shut the fuck up, your leg is about to go into cardiac arrest!“ he hissed back.

You instantly stopped bouncing your leg and instead took his hand to calm yourself down. Remus gave you a shaky smile, gripping tight.

„We’ll be fine“ you said, not believing anything you said. Remus just nodded.

„Where are your essays?“ The Professor asked and it took you both a second to realize that he was talking to you.

You chose to answer. „Um- we don’t have it Sir. There have been some difficulties.“

The moment you said that the essay wasn’t done, James turned around to give you a hard stare, jaw already clenching. Sirius let out a small chuckle and nodded to himself, before he turned slowly in his seat to glare at Remus. Your fellow sub nearly crushed your hand.

„We can explain!“ Remus blurted out towards the teacher, but his eyes were trained on Sirius as he spoke. „Could we talk after class, Sir?“ The question was actually directed to Sirius and James.

Sirius just gave him a tight smile and turned around. James didn’t though, he kept staring at you until the Professor told him to turn back to his book.

„Alright, stay after class then.“

---

You told your teacher the same lie you wanted to tell your angry doms and nearly cried with relief when he said that you could hand it in the next day. The moment you two were alone in the classroom, James and Sirius came bursting through the door and threw their bags in the corner. James locked and soundproofed the room, before he stood next to Sirius, crossing his arms over his broad chest.

Sirius took a breath to calm himself and cracked his neck. It was dead silent.

“We know you lied.”

Remus nearly fainted next to you and you chewed your lip anxiously.

“We didn’t lie, Sir.” Your voice was somehow steady and you kept eye contact, shivering a little.

James lost his cool and Sirius had to hold him back from slamming you against the nearest surface. Believe it or not, Sirius was the cold and detached type during punishments, while James lost control of his rage.

“I’ll give you one last chance to tell the truth.” Sirius said, voice still calm.

This time Remus steeled himself and responded. “We didn’t lie, Sir.”

“Alright” Sirius said, a little anger laced his voice now and he turned to the other dom “James, they’re yours.”

Not needing to be told twice, James ripped his belt and tie off and barked out a “On your knees, head down.”

You two dropped to your knees and bowed your heads. James took the belt and tied it around Remus‘ hands, pulling so taunt that the boy winced. Moving towards you he bound yours with the tie and stood up.

“This isn’t gonna be a fun punishment like you’re used to.” Sirius said as he made himself comfortable on the chair, crossing his arms, legs spread wide. He had the regal confidence of a king, looking down at you nonchalantly. “We will stay here as long as it takes for you to confess.”

James took over. “Forgetting your essays after you told us that it’s already done is one thing, but to look at us and lie twice?!” James voice was getting louder with every word and you both trembled “That’s blatant disrespect. We’ve been to lentient lately.”

He took off his blazer and unbuttoned his shirt, rolling up the sleeves. He crouched infront of Remus and grabbed his chin. Remus raised his head but kept his eyes casted on James’ chest out of respect.

“I know that she can be a brat” James mused and gripped harder, bruises already forming on Remus’ chin “but you should have known better baby.”

Remus sniffled and you saw his eyes gloss over, not because James was hurting him, but because of the scolding. Remus hated being bad.

“And you” James yelled, voice hardening when it came to you, knowing he could treat you a little rougher that the werewolf “just can‘t stay out of trouble huh? Do you like making us angry?”

Heaven knows why but James’ tone irked you, sometimes punishments made you feisty. It’s not like everything was your fault. Yes it had been your idea, but you never forced Remus to play along.

For now you decided to keep your mouth shut, not wanting to make it worse for Remus, you loved him too much for that. So you took the blame. Sighing, you nodded, albeit with attitude. James noticed and took off his ring.

Slap.

Your head whipped to the side and you bit your lip from making any noise, but you couldn’t help the little hiss that escaped you.

“Lets try that again” Sirius said this time, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. You glared at him from under your lashes, forcing out a “Yes. I understand.”

Slap.

You bit your lip harder and James noticed and slapped you for the third time. You heard Remus‘ distressed sounds and reigned yourself in. Bowing your head you let out a meek, “Yes, Daddy.”

“Yes Daddy, what?” James sneered.

“Yes Daddy, I understand that it is my fault and I will take my punishment like a good girl.”

“Atta girl” Sirius laughed “Stop trying to play tough.”

The biting undertone made you want to get up and slap them back, but you just clenched your jaw and swallowed your anger.

James stood before you two with his legs spread and hands behind his back. He was oozing dominance and the powerful stance turned you on and scared you at the same time. Remus was affected as well, not daring to move a single inch.

„We have decided to let you do the work“ James grinned menacingly „Skirt off and bend over the desk.“

You stood and flipped your skirt up, struggling a little with your bound wrists.

„God, can you do anything right?“ James groaned and flipped the skirt up, pinching your skin. He couldn’t help it, you just made him lose his mind.

As James was taking off your restrains Sirius took something out of his pocket. You felt him press the toy on your clit and whined a little, pushing back against him.

„Stay still greedy girl“ Sirius muttered and pressed the toy inside of your wet cunt, pushing it in so deep that it pressed against your sweet spot.

Your hands were free and you stood up straight again, gasping when the vibrator turned on. You knees buckled and you had to steady yourself on the desk behind you.

The two doms watched you, biting their lips, veins in their arms flexing as the balled their fists. Sirius and James just wanted to fuck you so bad, but they had a point to make.

„Look at her“ Sirius teased „can‘t even hold herself up.“

James chuckled, licking his lips as he watched you throw your head back and moan loudly.

„Well she is a slut Pads, m‘not surprised.“

You looked at them again, wincing when the vibrations got worse and your legs trembled.

„Don‘t you dare come little girl“ James warned „you‘re already in enough trouble. C‘mon get up, time to pay attention to Remus.“

„Yes, Daddy“ you whimpered, voice breaking.

„Up, boy“ Sirius commanded and Remus scrambled up, head still bowed. He quickly unbuttoned Remus‘ pants and pulled them down, forcing him to bend over the teachers desk by his neck and held him there.

„We have a little game for you.“ Sirius drawled. „Our darling girl is going to punish you with the belt Remmy.“

Remus whimpered softly as Sirius dragged his palms across his sore ass, the skin still red from another punishment. „Hush, I‘m not done. Your Daddy is going to put your favorite vibrator in your tight litte hole.“

Remus was panting now, the way Sirius was whispering in his ear made him leak precum on the table. „If your cum, she doesn‘t get to.“ James finished, giving you a mocking smile when you gaped at them.

„But Remus can‘t hold back for shit-“

James had your head bend backwards in a flash, your neck cracking with the sudden movement as you were forced to look up at the ceiling.

„I‘m done with your fucking games“ James roared at you and your eyes glossed over because of the painful tilt of your head.

„Daddy-“ Remus tried but Sirius spanked him hard.

„I‘m sorry! I‘m sorry! Please, I‘ll be good“ you wailed as James bit down hard on your shoulder, sharp canines drawing little pearls of blood.

„If I hear one more complaint out of your whore mouth we won‘t touch you for an entire month. You won‘t get our attention at all. Do. You. Understand?“

„Yes!“ you sobbed „Yes! Please don‘t!“

He let you go and you knelt down in front of the dom, leaning your head against his thigh as you cried for forgiveness.

„I didn‘t m-mean to“ you hiccuped and James stroked you head lightly. „Prove that you‘re a good girl and your daddies will forgive you.“

Yes, you would prove it. You would make them proud. That was all the motivation you needed and you got up, wiping you tears as you made your way over to Remus. Taking his face in your hands you gave him a slow kiss, whispering a secret „I‘m sorry“ and bend him over the table again.

Remus grit his teeth when he felt the first punishing slap of Sirius‘ belt on his already sore ass. He wasn‘t weak by all means, he is a goddamn werewolf, it was the pleasure he was worried about. See, Remus had a thing for pain.

Both of your vibrators came to life at the same time and you let out simultaneous moans. You nearly dropped the belt and your knees buckled, Remus forhead banged against the table as he groaned from the back of his throat.

„Keep going“ Sirius commanded, the doms watching you closely.

You started to spank Remus again, the other boy was a whimpering mess, sweat dripping down his back.

„Ah please“ he begged, legs clenching to hold his release „please, enough!“

„Five more Rem“ you pleaded „please hold it, five more then you‘re done!“ Youe own voice cracked with the threat of an upcoming orgasm, the vibrations so strong you felt them on your clit.

„I can‘t!“ Remus cried, words garbled. „Ah- no!“

The belt had directly hit his swollen balls from behind and Remus came hard, his cum coating the teachers desk.

„Fuck“ you whined when James arm wrapped around you waist and pulled you back to his chest. His other hand slid inside of your clenching hole and pulled out the toy, taking away your privilege to cum.

„Please“ You were a mess, dripping tears and shaky legs.

James directed you to sit on Sirius lap, the latter cooed and kissed your tears away.

„Hush baby, you know Daddy hates crying. I‘m gonna give you a choice now“ Sirius said, a dangerous glint in his pretty eyes.

„Either we punish Remmy again and you get to cum“ you heard the boy plead in the background, not able to handle another punishment „or we don‘t and you won‘t get cummies. What will it be baby?“

The doms knew that they weren‘t being fair. They were far to agitated to play nice, angry because of the cancelled game and your disobedience. They wanted to be merciless.

Through the fog of your despair you glanced back to make sure Remus was alright. Seeing him all bruised and teary made your heart ache. Fuck, you thought, fuck you Remus Lupin. Fuck you and your cute face.

You decide to not cum and spare him.

„Don‘t punish him“ you said with a heavy heart „I won‘t cum.“

Sirius gave you a pleased smile and kissed you hard. James dragged Remus with him, sitting down and made Remus kneel on the ground at his feet.

„Good choice puppy“ Sirius said, stroking your cheekbones with his thumbs „only good girls put others needs before their own.“

Youwere confused as you stared at your dom. „Daddy?“

„Cum whenever you like“ Sirius said and you felt him push inside of you with a hard thrust.

You gasped, holding onto his shoulders as he pushed up inside of your hot pussy, groaning at the feeling of being so deep inside of you.

„You gonna tell Daddy the truth now?“ Sirius pressed, wanting to hear you confess.

„I‘m sorry Daddy!“ Your voice was high pitched and it was difficult to breathe with the force behind his thrusts.

„Try again“ Sirius moaned, pushing you down to meet his thrusts and you shrieked when his cock hit your sweet spot brutally.

„We lied!“ you wailed „We‘re sorry please!“

They had been torturing your body and mind the entire afternoon and you just wanted to cum. You just wanted to sink into the haze of your release.

„Good girl“, Sirius growled before his hand came down to stroke your clit swiftly. Your mouth fell open in a silent scream as you screwed your eyes shut, cumming hard around him. Sirius‘ balls tightened at the sight and he came inside of you, teeth biting over the same spot as James did.

„God puppy“ Sirius praised, his voice trembling „take my cum fuck yes-“

You heard James let out a shout and saw him cum in Remus‘ mouth, forcing him down so deep that you couldn‘t make out his face from the side.

„Swallow or m‘not lettin‘ you up boy.“

Remus‘ choked as he swallowed eagerly, pulling away to show James his empty mouth. James gave his cheek light taps as he murmured a „Good bitch“

Grabbing him under his arms James pulled Remus up, cuddling him against his chest. You sat there for a while, enjoying the manly smell of your doms and their hands tracing your bodies.

„What have you learned?“ James voice still had an edge to it, but it wasn‘t as aggressive anymore.

„We won‘t lie again.“ Remus and you said in unison.

„And?“ Sirius pressed.

„We will tell you when we can‘t finish our essays on time.“ You said, hiding your face in his soft neck.

„We forgive you.“ James said now, reaching over to coax your face out of its hiding. „You did good.“

James‘ praises were always comforting because the dom was a lot harder to impress that Sirius. His voice was completely relaxed now and you saw Remus already fast asleep on his chest.

Maybe lying wasn‘t the best idea after all.

[hepbaestus]

Thoughts on X-Men First Class (2011)

I've got journal articles to read for my essays so join me in my thoughts on X-Men First Class (2011) as I suffer through reading something that makes me want to gouge my eyeballs out.

There's more of my thoughts after the cut-off, except it just gets gayer.

I'm only really watching this for James McAvoy.

This is from back when marvel was simple to watch

Poland 1944?? Penultimate year before the end of WW2

This is starting off extremely dark oml

Who just has a photo of Einstein on their bedside table? Apparently this kid does.

Ooooo mummy issues

MYSTIQUE!! JENNIFER LAWRENCE

Oooo young Xavier

Kevin Bacon is that you??

Those saws in the background oml

Using his mother against him??!! Jesus Christ

Poor Erik

The bass guitar shouldn't be that good or make this scene seem hot. But it is

ITS JAMES MCAVOY!!!

Jennifer Lawrence looks so jealous

This man's is a flirt and I'm here for it

He shouldn't be that hot but he is.

What

"Would you date me?" Girl just fucking ask him out already Jesus

It's weird not hearing James with his Scottish accent, I'm used to hearing it

Owie that must have hurt

French has never sounded more sinister until now

Hellfire? You say? I've heard that name before

Storm??

Azazel's fucking hot as hell.

Oooo pwetty mountain landscape

Multilingual king? Even hotter.

Just casually trauma-dumping in a fun way, me likey

Owie 2 electric boogaloo

This is like Five Hargreeves from the umbrella academy

Oooo a party boy.

How is he making science sound slightly hot? What the fuck.

The editing is so 2011

It's the dude from Chicago Med!!

So Erik and Charles are just an enemies-to-lovers story (I think)

I swear all men look good in those dark blue/black long coats

Awww Charles rescuing Erik

Kid just got outed oof

HE HAS HANDS FOR FEET?? EW

That's so cursed

They're so cute together

I can already tell that they're in love

That ball looks like the one at Disney in America

God they're already so in love and they've known each other for a few hours

You can just tell by their faces

The playfulness in their voices? I adore

"Don't touch my hair" I love this so much already

Man's is so horny Jesus Christ

ZOE KRAVITZ

ITS THIS ICONIC SCENE

God this is so gay and I love it

Oof poor dude

HUGH JACKMAN

Oooo the disappointment in their faces

A giant spring just grabbing a dude is so funny to me

Kinky

Wait a minute that's fucking Laurent from the Twilight series. I knew I recognised him from somewhere

Oh shit that's fucked

Of course they had to pan to the only Black guy of the mutants when talking about enslavement

Rip Alex

Or not

Rip that dude- I don't know his name (Darwin)

The parents are discussing

That's a fucking palace

Oh shit this is set when Kennedy is still alive? Wow

There's always something so homoerotic about pointing a gun at your mates head

That's a lot of fire. Fun.

That scream, brilliant

He reminds me of Icarus, it's probably just because he's flying

Charles don't you dare (I've given up with reading for my essay I'm too engrossed in the lovers)

James has such pretty eyes

There is no way either of them acted without a little thought into making the characters gay for each other

I remember the panic buying of COVID. That wasn't fun

This scene gives me katniss and peeta about to swallow the berries scene (which is fitting cause it's fucking Jennifer Lawrence in both)

Good ol' chess game

The way they're both sitting, neither sitting in a "socially acceptable" way to sit (or as I call it, the gay ways of sitting on a chair)

Oh shit of course the serum didn't work

Man's is becoming Sully from monsters inc.

Wait

The uniforms!!

The arrogance of Shaw

The red body paint on Azazel must've taken hours to put on and take off

Oh shit is this where Charles becomes paralysed because of Erik's mistake??

Oh but he is

This is where shit hits the fan

Manipulation time

Oh fuck this is the scene where Charles becomes paralysed

Shaw's outfit reminds me of a Japanese schoolboy

Oh shit that's brutal and gruesome, dude

Oh wait, does that affect Charles?

Okay it doesn't thank god

That's gonna start a war bro

Lovers quarrel that might kill thousands of men

Oh fuck

The fact that the music is white noise fucking hurts

"She didn't do this Erik. You did." That's such a powerful line like fuck bro (except they're not just bros)

"We're brothers you an I." Mhmm sure, that doesn't explain the homoerotic tension that you've had this entire film

They're going through a breakup sad times dudes

The panic in everyone's eyes. Fuck. I can't imagine what that must feel like

That wheelchair looks fucking sick

"Next thing you know I'll be going bald." Well shucks do I have a story for you

I love Moira. She's great

Setting up for another film I see

"left a bit of a gap in my life, if I'm to be honest." Bro just say you love him already

"I was rather hoping you would fill it." That so gay dude, I love it.

Overall score: 8.5/10

Film recommendations welcome!

[bucky-at-bedtime]

Stucky Fic Recs

So basically I went through all of my ao3 bookmarks and collated a list of some of my favourites (I couldn't fit all of them on this list, so if anyone shows interest there might be a part two).

Please read tags and descriptions of the works before reading, some of them are pretty dark or extremely horny so just make sure you check that the fic is for you!!

Please please please send me your favourite fics in return! I am always happy to hear fic recs, headcanons and any other ideas/comments you all have!

Without any further ado, here are a few of my favourite Stucky fics:

‘Not Easily Conquered’ series by dropdeaddream, WhatAreFear

Rating: M, Words: 117,692

https://archiveofourown.org/series/115516

“I told you, you heard me: I told you never to follow me into Hell. Now I’m not vain enough to think that’s why you’re out here now — if there’s any person in what’s left of this God forsaken planet who’s part of a bigger picture, it’d be you. But I’ll keep saying it until it sticks. You got nothing to prove. I’m not worth much, I damn well know that, but I’ll ask you anyway: Stay for me. If you leave me alone in this world I’ll turn into something terrible. I’ll turn into the nasty creature that’s growing inside me. This war, it’ll swallow me whole”

[To me, this fic is like the classic Stucky 101 fanfic – if you're a Stucky fan and you haven't read this, I highly recommend it. The authors explore the Steve/Bucky relationship in such an interesting, tragic, emotive way and I cry every time I read it. I couldn't praise this work enough.]

‘Ain’t No Grave’ series by spitandvinegar

Rating: M-E, Words: 131,789

https://archiveofourown.org/series/426577

"Yeah, he never calls me by my name," Steve says. "It's always champ, ace, hotshot, that kinda thing."

"Man, that is flirting," Sam says. "That nicknames thing, he is flirting with you. He's just working his way up to calling you baby or something."

Steve goes redder than a damn coke can. Sam pumps his fist. "Yes, I am so right, I am wise as hell. He did, didn't he?"

"He called me sweetheart," Steve says grimly, "because he's a drug addict with brain damage."

"Or because he looooooves you," Sam says. Captain America throws a cookie at his head. Sam eats it, because he deserves a treat for being so damn wise.”

[I'm currently re-reading this fic and absolutely loving it. The way spitandvinegar writes Bucky's road towards recovery and Steve's entire characterisation – it's all just so good. It's another one that covers some pretty dark themes, so make sure you're checkin those tags!]

'Einherjar' by thecommodore_squid

Rating: M, Words: 71297

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7157024/chapters/16249814

But Steve was fine.

Sure, he hadn’t seen Bucky in months, and sometimes he was at the punching bag so long that his skin started to peel off to expose the bones of his fingers, and sometimes he couldn’t find the energy to drag himself out of bed, and sometimes he went weeks without sleeping, and sometimes he thought about throwing himself head-first off the nearest tall structure, but he was fine.

He was absolutely, perfectly, one-hundred percent, fucking fine.

AKA In which Steve learns how to deal with his shit, and Bucky learns how to stop leaving.

[basically the definition of a recovery fic, I absolutely adore it. This is tragic and amazing and makes me cry and smile. It’s got a bunch of fantastic cameos and It really just ticks so many of my boxes.]

‘Like real People do’ by 2bestfriends

Rating: E, Words: 67,775

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19887376/chapters/47103217

“"Ask me what?" demands Bucky. "I didn't hear a question."

Steve licks his lips. "Will you stay with me? Will you come back home, Buck?"

"Home," repeats Bucky in a small voice, and then he's crying for real.”

[Basically soft lumberjack!steve and lonely twink!bucky being horny and in love. This is a comfort fic for that’s really just about my favourite boys falling in love.]

‘This City Bleeds it’s Aching Heart’ by anonymous

Rating: E, Words: 34,537

https://archiveofourown.org/works/835829/chapters/1591736

“The one where Steve and Bucky pose as a happily married couple while on a mission for SHIELD, to catch an international arms dealer hiding in a suburban neighbourhood.”

[The plot in this one is just a good time and i think it’s just a really fun take on the fake relationship trope. Also some really great characterisation.]

‘Home is Wherever I’m With You’ by cydonic

Rating: E, Words: 88,570

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18868081/chapters/44783077

“Bucky kisses Steve and Emma goodbye before they leave for school, which is why – partway down the road – Amelia turns to him and asks, “why are you and Daddy kissing?”

Which is definitely a conversation Bucky’s been expecting since Steve just did it, but it still takes him by surprise. Again, he thinks he should wait for Steve, but Amelia’s not the sort of kid to let anything rest. Plus, Bucky’s taking her to school where she will undoubtedly share the story with anyone who’ll listen.

He also stops to think that Steve’s asked him to stay, which means Bucky must be trusted with their happiness and well-being, at least in some small capacity.

Bucky clears his throat and searches for some explanation that will help Amelia make sense of this sudden turn of events. “Because we love each other,” is all he comes up with.”

[Bear with me, this is a House Flipper!Bucky Au. And dad!Steve. I just love a found family trope I’m not gonna lie to you. Another comfort fic that warms my lil heart.]

‘Lucky Seven’ by BetteNoire (WeAreWolves)

Rating: E, Words: 94,364

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7033105/chapters/16002481

“Back from where--?” James says, the sentence ending in a distinctly undignified squawk as Steve sweeps him up in his arms, bridal-style, and starts carrying him upstairs.

James tenses momentarily then relaxes into Steve's arms and throws back his head and starts laughing. The laughter peals out of him, his body shaking, his amusement occasionally broken by little gasps of pain.

“What's so funny?” Steve frowns.

“You are,” James says, still giggling. “You're ridiculous, Steve Rogers.”

“Behave. Or I will drop you,” Steve growls.

[The shrunkyclunks modern AU of my dreams featuring Mechanic!Bucky and cap!Steve and some really beautiful writing.]

'Dishonor On Your Cow' by mandarou

Rating: E, Words: 111695

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10659162/chapters/23589582

“Sergeant Barnes?”

“Oh, hell no, don’t call him that, man,” Sam warned.

“Captain Fuck Off!” Barnes shouted over him. “Fight me!”

Steve didn’t know whether to laugh or just slink away. He managed to combine the two by pacing two steps and snorting instead. Like a bull.

“I’m gonna need you to calm your ass, Barnes,” Sam said as he went limp again, obstructing Barnes’s struggling under him. “This is so undignified. That is Captain goddamn America.”

“Captain goddamn America!” Barnes repeated, louder. And angrier.

Steve cleared his throat again. “I’ve been looking for you,” he told Barnes.

“I hope you brought lube this time!” Barnes shouted.

[I’m not gonna lie it took me a minute to get into this one but by the end I was crying with them, laughing with them, and just really in my feels. Some very insane things happen so here’s a few of my favourite tags: ‘Seargent Barnes is done with your Shit Steve’, ‘blatant disrespect of a man’s motorcycle’, ‘Steve you ding dong’ and ‘PR nightmares in the form of Supersoldiers’.]

Propietary Information by Notlucy

Rating: E, Words: 85141

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11964402/chapters/27054777

“Okay, so Bucky Barnes has a crush on Steve Rogers. The guy's gorgeous, talented and, oh yeah, the Chief Design Officer of the biggest tech company in the world. In other words: he's so far out of Bucky's league that he might as well be in a different stratosphere.”

[We were never gonna get through this list without a Sugar Daddy!AU (I have a weakness). This one is… saucy and sexy and sweet and uh pretty kinky so read the tags and all. I’ve read it a few times, and I love the way the author has written Steve in this one, he just makes my heart go '!!!']

‘Roots Have Grown’ by AustinB

Rating: M, Words: 17280

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6912451/chapters/15767941

“Bucky is a mildly agoraphobic veteran with funds to spare, who becomes enamored with the cute blonde guy in his building.

So when Steve mentions needing a roommate to cut down on rent costs, Bucky decides it would be a good idea to volunteer.”

[Another weakness of mine is Roommate AUs, and this one is phenomenal. I tend to go for post serum!Steve stories more often, but this is a pre-serum Steve that I just adore.]

‘The Cold Never Bothered me Anyway’ by icoulddothisallday

Rating: E, Words:75562

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11728869/chapters/26425530

“Bucky Barnes has spent his whole life in a state of mild hypothermia. Steve Rogers has spent the last 70 years in the ice. The two things aren’t related until, suddenly, they are. Shrunkyclunks soulmate AU (AKA the awkward bb au).”

[I think this is the only soulmate AU in my bookmarks? I would totally be down to read more though! This one is really fun and really enjoy Bucky’s characterisation here!]

'War, Children' by Nonymos

Rating: E, Words: 106615

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5373050/chapters/12409394

“After Bucky was released from the hospital, it only took him a couple of weeks to give up on himself. Difficult to believe in any kind of future when the simple act of staying alive was almost too big an effort.

Out the frosted window, across the street, there was a tiny homeless guy burrowing under an awning.”

[An interesting exploration of Bucky’s PTSD with a trans!Steve which was a cool take on his character too!]

'The Company You Keep' by orbingarrow

Rating: G, Words: 51191

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3468605/chapters/7613072

“Hurt, hungry, and on the run, the Winter Soldier doesn’t have a lot of safe options to go to for help. Figuring that any friend of Captain Steve Rogers is unlikely to be HYDRA, Bucky takes a chance and reaches out to the first Avenger he can find.

It works out better than anyone could have expected. Eventually.”

[hurt/comfort, recovering Bucky, protective Steve, found family and domestic avengers, need I say more? I absolutely loved this one]

[lookismaddict]

Lookism Chapter 427 Memes/Thoughts I Have:

(SPOILERS !!! I don’t own any of the Lookism panels and the translations. Only the memes that I made.)

BRUH, I GOT CHILLS WHILE READING THIS CHAPTER WTH. SHIRO ONI SUPREMACYYYY 🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐

OK GO OFF, MAD DOG KING 🔥

Ryuhei… the Japanese version of GOO? Hold up.

War Freak Blondie + Manwhore Blondie = CRAZY BLONDIE SUPREMACY 👬🏼💛

Look at them and their weapons. What badasses.

SIRRRRRR. LISTEN SHAWTY, BABY GIRL GUN, IDK IF YOU WANNA GO OR IF YOU WANNA “go”. 👁🫦👁 IM ALREADY DOWN BAD FOR YOU, LIKE I CANT-

(Bro got me sobbing and shiii. If he wasn’t in Lookism, he would’ve looked like a male lead for a romance manhwa or something. I’m not even gonna FRONT WITH YOU RN GUN, LIKE PLS- 😳 he looks like a daddy, I’m ASDFGHJKLAAJAHAHSHS)

Also, what type of KINKY ASS SHIT IS THIS??? LIKE, HUH? Ok PTJ, you might be onto something and I’m here to listen… 👀

DEADASS, ME WHILE I SAW THOSE SCENES. WTH. ALSO I STG, PTJ KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING WHILE DRAWING THESE PANELS. IT’S OBVIOUSLY A SLUT-ON-SLUT FIGHT.

This scene was cold, ngl. 🧊

IT’S HIS ICONIC FACE AGAIN.

Bye Ryuhei, it was nice knowing you… 😭👋🏽

(THERE IT IS AGAIN. THAT TERRIFYING DEMON FACE. AHAHAHAHA)

GUN LOOKS SO GOOFY HERE, BAHAHAHAHAHA. I'M DYING-

BYE RYUHEI, YOU’RE DONE. YOU’RE DONE NOW.

Omg Eugene, you did not-

DAAAAANG. GOD IS ON YOUR SIDE NOW? WHEN DID EUGENE BECOME A PROPHET? SHEESH !!! EUGENE SACRIFICED RYUHEI LIKE HE WAS ABRAHAM, LIKE DAMN.

Ugh, I can’t lie. James Lee is also looking pretty fine. (I mean, he always serves bro. You don’t even question it.)

Ok, but let me talk about this panel right here. I really love the contrast how PTJ drew this scene, with this dark and light theme. It looks like a work of art imo. A battle for the heavens. This panel is giving you a closer look at how there’s going to be a serious fight and shit is actually about to go down. Gun and James here look like inhumane beings who are about to go all out, and we’re finally going to see the full strength of what Gun is actually capable of. James Lee will be a potential fighter against Gun and we’ll be able to see that in the next chapter. Who will peril in the end?

OK SIR. YOU ARE MAKING ME LOSE IT IN THIS CHAPTER!!! (IM LITERALLY BITING ON MY FIST BECAUSE OF THIS PANEL, HELP-)

In Gun’s head: “THAT’S MY SON RIGHT THERE.”

(Gun showing off Daniel like a proud parent who’s seeing their son off on their first day of school. Also, I completely forgot. James Lee is basically the only one who knows about Daniel and his other body while the rest don’t even know about it. That’s why he was also surprised about seeing OG Daniel’s progress. Correct me if I'm wrong because I forgot a lot of things from the previous chapters. )

But the end of this chapter though...

WE GET TO FINALLY SEE GUN PARK 👹 VS. JAMES LEE 😇

God, James Lee is so pretty here. Pretty angel boy.

Gun looks hella evil here LMAO, Devil Man.

PTJ giving us heat after heat, nonstop excitement. Gun just pulled up and now IT'S JAMES LEE'S TURN??? Nah, it's a wrap. Prepare yourselves for a throw down next chapter because shit's about to go down. 😈

[matthewfairchildfanclub]

TSC but it's incorrect quotes.

Jem: Hey, Will, what's up?

Will: Well, I'm sitting in a pool of my own blood.

Jem: Is it... your own?

Will: Oh, yeah, probably.

Jem: Where is it coming from?

Will: Probably the stab wound.

Jem: yoU'VE BEEN STABBED?!

Will: Oh, yeah definitely.

_______________________

Kit: I wrote a song called I'm Late For My Final Exam and it's just three minutes of me screaming.

_______________________

Emma: Look upon the filed which I grow my fucks. Lay thine eyes upon it and see that it is barren.

_______________________

Will: Do you ever wonder how an author would describe you in a novel? Like, not only your appearance, but also your little habits and stuff. I wanna know how I'd be described.

Gabriel: Bet it would be something like "so here's this asshole."

Will: Honestly, fuck you, Gabriel.

_____________________

Kit: I mixed up Donkey Kong with King Kong and accidentally said Kinky Kong to my parents.

____________________

Izzy: Who is that weirdo on TV? He's running downtown with eight dogs.

Magnus: THAT'S MY WEIRDO

____________________

Sebastian: Be warned, I can kill you.

Jace: Be warned, I can die.

___________________

Jace: Excuse me, who made Alec the boss of the group.

Clary: You did.

Simon: You said, "Alec should be the boss."

Izzy: And then you said, "lets vote," and it was unanimous.

Magnus: And then you made him this plaque that says, "Boss of us."

Magnus: And put little sparkles all over it.

Jace:... all valid points.

____________________

Simon: What are you guys talking about? I'm like the backbone of this family.

Jace: You're more like the appendix of this family, no one knows what you're here for.

Alec: Also prone to explode at any given moment.

Jace: And a real pain to remove.

Simon: Fuck you guys.

_______________________

Emma: What's your problem?

Cristina: He keeps using common phrases incorrectly.

Kieran: Oh, cry me a table, Cristina.

________________________

Cecily: If a guy calls you "princess" in a condescending manner, assert your newly appointed royal status and have him beheaded.

_______________________

Will: I could get killed.

Will: Or even worse. Jem could give me a lecture on responsibility again.

________________________

Dru: What color are Emma's eyes?

Julian: The warm chestnut of well-worn leather when the sun comes out after days of rain.

Dru: What?

Julian: I said brown.

_________________________

Gabriel: Hello, Will, make anyone cry today?

Will: Sadly, no, but it's only 4:30.

__________________________

Will: Rubbing alcohol is for outside wounds. Drinking alcohol is for inside wounds.

Matthew: Cheers! I'll drink to that.

__________________________

James: What are you going to bring to dinner?

Matthew: My negative attitude and sparkling personality.

__________________________

Tessa: You're late.

Kit: Listen, I just spent twenty minutes in a standoff with the biggest cockroach I have ever seen, so that's where I'm at... mentally.

____________________________

Julian: I told you to stop doing that with the knives.

Dru, with knives taped to her hands: But Wolverine has-

Julian: I said stop.

____________________________

Aline: The only thing that seems to motivate you guys is pancakes.

Tavvy: Pancakes?

Ty: I love pancakes!

Dru: Do we have maple syrup?

Julian: I'll go buy some.

Emma: Where are they?

Aline: THERE ARE NO PANCAKES!

__________________________

Jace: And once again, Jace and Magnus save the day!

Alec: You didn't do anything.

Alec: It was all Magnus.

Jace: We're a package deal. Everyone knows that.

______________________________

Tessa: How can one man have so many enemies?

Will: I'm a people person who talks shit and drinks.

________________________________

Matthew: You're my best friend, but I'd fuck you if you asked.

James: What?

Matthew: What?

Lucie, from across the room: HE SAID HE'D FUCK YOU IF YOU ASKED!

_________________________________

Matthew: What if we kidnap-

James: No.

Matthew: Steal-

James: No.

Matthew: Blow up-

James: Not even a little.

Matthew: You're no fun.

________________________________

Julian: We need to distract the enemies.

Emma: Right, I can do that.

Julian: What are you going to do?

Emma: I'm gonna kill them all.

Emma: That ought to distract them.

__________________________________

Mark: I have a sword!

*two minutes later*

Mark: I have lost the sword.

_________________________________

Kit: My friendship with Dru is over.

Ty: What?

Kit: She stole my fries.

________________________________

Kit: Baking yeast has alcohol in it, but you can't get drunk off eating bread.

Kit: Trust me, I've tried.

_______________________________

Kit: I know you think my judgment is clouded because I like Ty a little bit-

Jem: You doodled your wedding invitation.

Kit: That was our joint tombstone.

Jem: My mistake.

______________________________

Clary, through the door: Are you decent?

Jace: Not morally, but I'm wearing pants if that's what you're asking.

______________________________

Kit: Ty, let's play 20 questions!

Ty: Okay, what's your favorite color.

Kit: Aces. My turn, do you like boys?

_______________________________

Julian, coming to bail the group out of jail: I hate you sometimes, you know.

Emma: Welcome to the club! You are one of 53 members. We make t-shirts and have meetings every Wednesday at 4.

Julian: What?

Mark: We would meet earlier, but Kit gets out of school at 3.

_____________________________

Jace, to Izzy and Simon at their wedding party: Alright, everyone, Saturday is the big day! A lot of us thought this day would never come. I may have been one of those people.

Izzy: I may have also been one of those people.

Simon: Wait, are we talking about our wedding?

Izzy: Yes.

Simon: Oh, yes, I was also one of those people.

____________________________

Emma: Julian and I slept together.

Cristina: And?

Emma: ... I thought you would be a little more surprised.

Cristina: Oh, sorry.

Cristina, in a shocked voice: AND?!

___________________________

Ty: The dishes aren't in alphabetical order!!!!

Kit: Excuse my language, but what the F U C K does that mean?

___________________________

Lucie: We shouldn't complain.

Matthew: I'm gonna complain anyways.

_____________________________

Dru: Kit? Are you alive? Knock once for yes, twice for no.

Kit: *pauses, then knocks twice*

Dru: What do we do? Kit's dead!

______________________________

Will: Do you know....? Do you KNOW what it's like to be AFRAID of YOURSELF?!

Tessa, thinking of all the money she blew on a scam: Geez, man, I sure do-

_____________________________

Clary: Simon, you've got a lot to offer Izzy. You're funny, you're smart-

Magnus: You're creative, you've got style...

Jace:

Magnus:

Clary:

Jace: Oh, did you want me to say something?

Jace: You have brown hair, your name is Simon.

Simon: Thanks, Jace.

_____________________________

Will: I've done a lot of dumb shit.

Tessa: I witnessed the dumb shit.

Cecily: I remember the dumb shit.

Magnus: I joined you in the dumb shit.

Jem: I tried to stop you from doing the dumb shit!

_______________________________

Jace: Okay, so-

Alec: No. Don't you dare! Stop. Stop. I don't wanna hear it. I have been cleaning up your messes for way too long and now I'm aging prematurely. You are driving me steadily insane. So I don't wanna hear it. Go away. I'll be dead next month at this rate. Leave me alone.

Jace: I was just gonna ask you if you wanted toast...

Alec: Oh, well. No thank you.

Jace: Good, because I blew up the toaster and now one of the plants is on fire.

______________________________

Kit: If you are about to be stabbed, just say, "I have too much swagger for the dagger," and they will leave you alone.

Dru: Or stab you a hundred more times.

______________________________

Will: WHO ATE MY FRIES

Will: I'M GONNA FUCKING KI-

Jem: I did.

Will:-ss you and buy you more. You haven't been eating enough.

______________________________

James: A waiter could literally murder me and I'd still tip 20%

Matthew: I would actually tip more if they murdered me, that's great customer service.

_______________________________