#or worse - they do recognize it and just don't care
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daisymbin · 2 days ago
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a little push - joshua hong
warnings: none except a tipsy joshua
pairings: joshua hong x reader
genre: drunken confession, friends to ???
wc: 1.3k
drunken confessions series
check out my masterlist!
the house party was buzzing with energy, laughter echoing in every corner. colorful lights flickered in sync with the music, casting a warm glow over the crowd. you weaved through groups of friends, feeling the infectious excitement in the air. but as you glanced around, your gaze landed on joshua, who was slumped in a quieter area, looking troubled. his usually bright demeanor was overshadowed by a cloud of concern as he stared into his drink.
something in your chest tightened at the sight of him like that. you had known joshua long enough to recognize when he was putting on a brave face. with a sense of determination, you made your way over, weaving through the dancing bodies until you reached him.
“hey buddy, what’s wrong?” you asked, kneeling beside him, hoping to break through whatever was weighing him down.
he squinted up at you, his expression a mix of confusion and sadness. “oh, hey… um. i’m not sure we’ve met,” he said, his voice slightly slurred.
“it’s okay,” you replied, forcing a smile despite the sudden pit in your stomach, you found him adorable, so you played along. “i just saw you looking a bit down and wanted to check in.”
“thanks, but it’s just… complicated.” he sighed, rubbing his forehead as if trying to erase the thoughts swirling in his mind. “don't tell anyone but i think…no im sure.. im sure i’m in love with my best friend, and it’s driving me crazy i dont know what to do.”
your heart raced at his confession, but you kept your expression neutral. you had always known he had strong feelings for someone, the boys always joked about it in front of you but even as his best friend, joshua was tight lipped, never telling you who it was, but hearing it out loud now especially from him hit differently. “really? that sounds tough. what’s stopping you from telling her?”
he leaned back, his hesitation palpable. “i don’t know. it’s risky. what if it ruins our friendship? what if she doesn’t feel the same? or worse, what if she’s in love with someone else?” he looked away, clearly grappling with the weight of his emotions.
you shifted a bit closer, sensing the turmoil within him. “those are valid concerns,” you said gently. “but keeping it to yourself can be just as risky. you might be missing out on something amazing.”
he let out a soft chuckle, tinged with bitterness. “yeah, maybe. but it’s easier to stay quiet than to take the chance and get hurt.”
“true,” you acknowledged. “but if you really care about her, wouldn’t you rather know the truth? it could be worth it.”
joshua looked at you, his brow furrowing as he considered your words. “i just wish i knew how she felt. it would make things so much easier.”
“maybe you could start by showing her how much she means to you,” you suggested, your heart racing as you spoke. “small gestures, spending more time together. see how she reacts. you seem like a great guy, im sure she feels the same about you.”
he nodded slowly, a flicker of hope in his eyes. “that makes sense. but still, what if she doesn’t reciprocate? what if it ruins everything?”
you took a moment to think, searching for the right words. “if she doesn’t, at least you’ll know where you stand,” you encouraged softly. “but you won’t know unless you take that step. living in uncertainty can be harder than facing the truth, no matter what it is.”
joshua sighed, the tension in his shoulders easing a little. “i guess you’re right. it’s better than just sitting around, worrying.”
there was a moment of silence between you, and you could see him weighing his options, his mind racing with possibilities. you could tell he was still hesitant, reluctant to fully open up to a stranger, even one who was clearly trying to help.
“you’re really insightful for someone i just met,” he said, a hint of admiration in his voice. “it’s nice to talk to someone who isn’t directly involved.”
“i’m glad,” you said, feeling a little bittersweet knowing he still didn’t recognize you as his best friend. “just be brave. you’ve got this.”
he hesitated again, his expression contemplative. “it’s just… hard. what if i make everything awkward?”
“awkward moments can be part of growth,” you replied gently. “but they’re better than never trying at all.”
he took a deep breath, the weight of your conversation pressing on him. “you’re really pushing me to think about this, huh?”
“that’s the idea,” you said with a light laugh. “sometimes you need a little push to see things clearly.”
he looked at you, and for a brief moment, you felt the weight of the unspoken connection between you. but then he shook his head, as if clearing his thoughts. “i should probably go. i need to sort through this.”
“of course,” you said, giving him a gentle nod. “whatever you decide, just make sure it’s what you truly want.”
as he stood up, ready to leave, he paused, looking back at you with an intensity that made your heart skip a beat. “you really are a great friend, you know that?”
“thanks, joshua. i’m just here to help,” you replied, a bittersweet smile on your face.
he nodded, the gratitude in his eyes apparent. “i appreciate it. really. i’ll… i’ll think about what you said.”
as he walked away, you couldn’t shake the feeling of longing in your chest. the party continued to pulse around you, but all you could think about was the possibilities ahead. would he take your advice? would he confess his feelings? you hoped he would, and that he would realize it was you he was meant to be with.
after a while, you found a spot on the couch, allowing yourself to relax a bit, but your mind was still racing. moments later, your phone buzzed in your pocket. you pulled it out to see a message from joshua. your heart skipped a beat as you opened it.
joshuji 🐰:
[02:47 AM] hey bunny, can we talk? well maybe tomorrow over lunch? I'm kinda hammered right now. but I've kinda been thinking about us a lot lately..I just…have something i need to get off my chest..
your breath caught in your throat as you read the message. you felt a wave of disbelief mixed with overwhelming happiness after all that hesitation in person.
of course, lunch at our favourite place?
you hit send, your heart pounding in your chest. moments felt like hours as you waited for his reply even as you were glancing over to him across the room. finally, your phone buzzed again.
joshuji 🐰:
[02:53 AM] yeah that would be nice. also, i really miss you. if its not too late, could you come pick me up?
you smiled as you read his message, the tension that had been building inside of you for so long finally releasing.
“hey handsome,” you said as you walked up to him, “you ready to go?” you don't think you've smiled this big in such a long time. “y/n! I missed you.” he said happily as he pulled you in closer for a hug, not caring that he was still sitting and you were standing. his head rested comfortably just below your chest as your hands come up, one against his cheek and the other patting his head gently as you played with his hair.
“you all good?” you asked yet again, “never been better. it feels so nice being so close to you. you're so warm.” he answers as he holds you impossible tighter. “come on, let's get you home, hm?”
“just 5 more minutes. let's just stay like this for 5 more minutes. I'm too comfortable. & I like having you close to me like this.” you wonder if this is him letting his feelings slip but you dont question it. despite the room full of people, you don't seem to notice anyone else & neither does he. “me too joshua, I like having you close to me like this.”
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evillinuxuser · 14 hours ago
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Dear American leftist.
So you want to make the world better. Please here me out.
You recognize that your parties are ultimately just capitalist racists/sexists/lgbt-phobes and capitalist collaborators/copagandists/war criminals. You want to tear this system to the ground (understandably), just have a revolution and build a new one, a democratic-socialist utopia.
That's not gonna happen yet.
Most Americans want to make the world better. But they will not agree with you on the means or even the end goal.
And you *can't have a revolution* without widespread support (or at least most people not being outright hostile to your end goal - the dirty word socialism). Your current representative system is going to remain for some time still. Your president will have power and they will have the largest and most dangerous power over minorities and marginalized people.
It is important who gets to wield this power.
It is important who gets to appoint the next Supreme Court justices. Even if Democrats don't really care about abortion rights and are just using it as a talking point - their appontees consistently rule in favor of women. This applies equally to race and LGBT issues, and to the legislative and executive branches.
On Palestine and lesser evils
I feel like the most important or one of the most important reasons for leftists who do not vote is the situation in Gaza and independence for Palestine and the lack of action on part of the Dems.
I will not actually talk policy here because even if you think both will do equally bad things for Palestine, you just cannot reason that this means both parties are equal or equally bad. Let me draw you a table (tumblr doesn't have tables?):
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How the fuck is there no lesser evil here?
If you do not vote for Dems for the sake of your conscience, you are either a coward who is too immature to make hard decisions or you plain *do not care* for LGBT people, women, PoC, or immigrants.
(Footnote: Dems wont solve your existing racism problems. But people will suffer due to government inaction rather than government WANTING them to suffer and actively using its resources to create more suffering)
You're the guy in the trolley problem NOT pulling the lever to save four lives. Sure, it would be PREFERRABLE if there were no PEOPLE TIED TO THE TRACKS. But they are right now and the state of being tied to a track is called marginalization.
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Voting third party does not help.
Your system is rigged against you to allow only two parties.
See this video for explanation.
youtube
By not voting, or voting third party, you are saving no one (except your own conscience, selfishly). Vote and then do some more actually useful stuff.
How the fuck does voting impact your ability to organize politically in other ways? Do you think low voter turnout will somehow convince both Reps and Dems that actually, they're both illegitimate and willing to give way to a new system now? Obviously not?!
So you want to make the world better. This is not what US elections are for. They are for slowing down the world getting worse. Thanks for reading all of that. Sincerely, and in a deep worry tumblr user evillinuxuser (Not an American)
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lovesodeepandwideandwell · 1 month ago
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how come I love leading class and reading groups and small groups and lectures and conference papers and book clubs
and I HATE leading Women's Bible Study
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psychicthepsychic-daily · 2 days ago
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hood is the ceo of “other people have it worse” /HJ
#meanwhile void is the ceo of ‘other people don’t exist’#it’s not the hood blog ikik#but who could he be thinking about??? oooOOOOoooOoo /silly#fnf psychic#fnf hood#fnf void#purple guys dlc#fic snippet#two plus one#<- name subject to change#i think these two imagine psychic’s relationship with his master to be worse than it really is#in that they think dearest is emotionally distant and doesn’t acknowledge the way psi has completely given himself to him#hood is probably more forgiving and open to believing psychic when he says it’s much better than that#void is not. lmao#bc then he has to acknowledge that psychic has someone more important to him. someone void resents; on top of already being tossed to the-#side for someone automatically inferior by vice of not being void#void doesn't genuinely care for psychic's well being he just wants the attention and to be able to hold that over dearest#i think he would really enjoy getting to replace dd solely for the novelty. bc void and psi could never have what psi has w dd#hood doesn't know the dearests well if at all so he basically has to trust whatever psychic says. and i don't think hood would#take psychic for someone who sugarcoats things#there's a difference between acting strong and acting like the situation is better than it actually is#psychic heavily engages in the first behavior but never the second. he is extremely brutally honest (except w select people i.e. girlfriend#and hood realizes that. so i don't think he would have any reason to disbelieve psychic if psychic explained that he has a really good#relationship with his master. that being said psychic has not explained that to hood in depth lmao#he doesn't want to admit the way he sees his master. and talking about their relationship could be a slippery slope#for the most part he is very good at not talking about himself. so hood still doesn't understand him that well. but he's perceptive.#especially next to void. hood sees the way psychic picks his master over them and i think he recognizes a little bit of himself in that#because of his relationship with zeta. he doesn't see the full picture but he has a better idea of what psychic wants than void does.#so yeah. really all they can do is genuinely talk to psychic together. but together they never will.
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bumblingbabooshka · 3 months ago
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Stonn x T'Pring and Sybok x Angel are the only SNW ships I like. Honestly, with the way the show is written, I'm rooting more for the Gorn than the Enterprise at this point.
With how that show's writing Vulcans I'm like 70% sure they're gonna make Stonn a bad guy or make T'Pring cheat on Spock so their relationship ends with "They both cheated!" or so that Christine can comfort Spock as if he hasn't been cheating on T'Pring pretty much the entire time he's been on screen. I watched a 'short trek' I think they're called? Because I heard T'Pring was in it but it was REAAALLY bad like humor I might have laughed at in middle school...anyway T'Pring was only in it so they could make a joke where the premise was "T'Pring keeps breaking up with Spock because she falls in love with other people and Spock is SOO sad about it" and I was like Hey. Are you even WATCHING your show???? You're taking potshots at the WRONG CHARACTER. Like, even if you wanna make that joke - Christine'd make more sense because Christine and Spock ARE actually 'keeping it casual' and Christine DOES actually date around whereas T'Pring is committed to Spock in SNW and trying at every turn to make their relationship work. It still wouldn't be funny if the girl constantly breaking up with Spock was Christine but having it be T'Pring literally doesn't even make sense. You can say "it's just a funny little joke" (as people say about a lot of SNW'S issues) but T'Pring is a female character who's been viciously maligned for YEARS and if their 'jokes' or 'comedy' come at the expense of their characters or the message of ultimate togetherness and hope in the galaxy then I don't find it funny. SNW isn't supposed to be a comedy I don't know why they keep trying to be 'funny' at the price of being earnest. This isn't a marvel movie. The pro-eugenics trial, killing the disabled character, killing the chronically ill character (and framing this as a beautiful relief), 'being disabled is worse than death' messaging, turning the Gorn into horror movie killer monsters (especially when they could have just made up another species), the bioessentialism, constantly maligning Vulcans as racist bullies (with Spock's half Human blood saving him) <- Which I hate ESPECIALLY when Spock has always been a symbol for mixed people in which he struggled equally with feeling belonging in BOTH cultures whereas in SNW it feels like "If he could only be released from Vulcan's evil clutches he could be happy!" + The laziness of cheating being a plot point in so many main characters' romance stories so far. [La'an wants to be with Kirk but that'd be cheating, Spock is cheating on T'Pring with Christine, Pike sleeps with another woman in 'Lift Us Where Suffering' despite having a girlfriend <- They COULD be open but I don't think this is explained. That's Five or Six characters involved in potential cheating and more if you count M'Benga wink-nudging Spock and Christine's relationship when he most likely knows Spock is engaged to T'Pring.] I just have no faith in SNW. It doesn't feel earnest, and it doesn't feel kind and I don't want to watch a show where they'll sacrifice someone's character at any time for an ultimately meanspirited joke.
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vampyroteuthid · 3 months ago
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talking to my old trainer at the barn i used to work at because i need references and she sent me this picture of my horse friend
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and i feel this image in my chest in a bad way lol. girl his spine. 🥴
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kyouka-supremacy · 2 years ago
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DON'T MANIFEST AKUTAGAWA'S FEELINGS BEING UNREQUITED WAGEHGAHTJSHHAJ
But does it count as manifesting if I'm just stating facts 🤔😔😔
#sskk#people asks me stuff#Jk. Or maybe not.#Idk I used to have a HUGE sskk-is-unrequited-love phase around June–#and in a way I still think as far as the manga events go Atsushi didn't feel anything but loathing for Akutagawa up to at least chapter 87#(While Akutagawa stopped hating Atsushi on the Moby Dick fight. C'mon guys. I've seen some.........#Questionable takes over who fell first in sskk recently. Do you really believe that Atsushi said to Akutagawa's face the words#“I think Dazai-san has recognized of you a long time ago” and Akutagawa didn't fall for him right there right now.)#But like... Okay I don't want to make this too big because there's so much to unwrap here and it wouldn't fit in the tags but#For how I see it. it's totally believable to read the manga thinking Akutagawa is in love with Atsushi. like seriously it's just there.#“As long as I can't deny your very being I'll never be able to move forward” “You know the reason yourself don't you”#“Is his life that precious to you” “From the beginning the hole was only for his ally to flee through”#I'm not making this stuff up I'm literally just reading the text#While Atsushi is just there being objectively the WORSE he's ever been with everyone @Akutagawa which is undeniably hilarious on one hand–#and tragically sad on the other. He really DOES NOT care about Akutagawa? He barely ever showed compassion towards him#Which tbh!! It's a lot and it... Doesn't particularly bother me‚ because even if negatively it does show Akutagawa is someone who's–#special for Atsushi#he's like no one else for him#and that's so juicy!!!#It's delicious to explore this hidden aspect of Atsushi's character through the effect Akutagawa has on him#And even though I believe Atsushi didn't love Akutagawa for the most time... There's still plenty of room for things to change.#We still have to see how he'll react to meeting him again. It's possible that Akutagawa's last deed might have changed the judgement–#Atsushi has on him‚ and I can't wait to find out! If anything‚ Akutagawa appeared in Atsushi's mind which is... Something
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beachboysnatural · 2 years ago
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.
#the thing is my mom carries so much pain inside her and i love her so much and she is wonderful#but at the same time there are things that i genuinely don't know if i can forgive. but she acts like there isn't anything#TO forgive which makes it worse#and whenever i bring anything up she doesn't change her behavior because she cannot recognize it when she's wrong about something#but she actually invalidates me a lot and i don't appreciate it and i KNOW i'm annoying about my special interests#but it really sucks that she makes it so obvious#like can't she pretend to be interested in what i want to tell her?? for once??#you'd think fifteen-plus years of her pretending i was perfectly okay would merit some infodumping on my part#it's just that she's never apologized for not doing anything to help me she's just made excuses and said 'well sorry but'#and that's not enough but at this point i'm not going to GET a genuine apology out of her#or out of my dad he isn't exempt from this!#like i'm scared to ask my dad if he's seen a movie i think he'd be interested in because i don't want to set her off#or deal with her disapproval. and she just doesn't care about my special interests at all#which i get but sometimes i feel like she doesn't really care that they make me happy either#like pretending that i'm not autistic now that i have shit figured out doesn't make it go away#it genuinely fucking sucks but i can't say anything to her because she can't cope with being wrong about anything. even jeopardy answers#this is why it means so much to me that you guys like when i infodump about old hollywood because no one else does#except my sister obvi but she does not live with me so#<333333#persannal
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mental-illness-bingo · 7 months ago
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If you think it's a personality trait or a good or even a neutral thing to hate children just fucking block me. You're pathetic and you don't even deserve for me to bother to argue with you. Enjoy your weird obsession with vilifying a group of people with next to no neurodevelopment or life experience I guess. The rest of us will be here having a real personality, a life, and being tolerable to be around.
i feel like a lot of the 'i hate kids' crowd would be more tolerant if they understood that due to a kid's limited experience of the world that 4 hour flight might just be the longest they've ever had to sit still for or that trapped finger might literally be the most pain they've ever felt in their short life or they might not have ever seen a person with pink hair ever so of course they want to touch it or nobody's told them yet that they can't run around the museum and they only just learned cheetahs are the fastest animals so of course they want to put that to the test. how were they supposed to know etc etc.
#Put me in a room with literally a million crying babies before one childhater#I have sensory issues due to my autism and low empathy from ASPD yet I can still recognize they deserve kindness and grace while they learn#like I am the exact type of person people expect to be a childhater but nope I have basic human decency#it's not hard to be annoyed with the noise without being a complete douchebag#if you can't handle being annoyed without whining why the hell should they be expected to handle their first experiences suffering quietly?#Sit in the corner and think about how goddamn ridiculous you sound#because it is the overgrown version of the same tantrum you're complaining about if not worse#and the childfree crowd is not who I'm talking about here#it's ok to say I don't think I could handle having kids or even just not want them for any reason#but not wanting to raise a tiny human is a lot different than despising them in their entirety#little kids are some of the most understanding and gentle people I've had the pleasure of meeting#nothing like working in a preschool to restore your faith that humanity isn't all bad#we get corrupted somewhere along the way because those kids were so kind to literally everyone#I miss working there and if my disabilities ever become manageable to the point where I can work I would love to go back to it#childhaters will never understand the purity of a kid who struggles to focus on a book spending 10 mins to find the PERFECT rock to give yo#or how much time and effort and care they put into the art that childhaters call just scribbles#sorry to rant it just breaks my heart because enough interactions with childhaters can break kids' spirit and self esteem#and there's no explaining to them the concept of people who hate because they have nothing better to do in life#so they think they did something wrong or worse that they are just bad and deserve that treatment#mibingo addon#mibingo vent#vent in the tags
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novadreii · 3 months ago
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i don't know that i've personally known a man who made a good life decision for themselves, ever. i'm sure it happens, just not anywhere in my circles.
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readymades2002 · 5 months ago
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im just like spongebob (employee of the month)
#trying to make a positive out of this <3 (guy who is handling this genuinely insanely and i mean that in the truest sense of the word)#i dont want it i keep telling people that and they keep reacting like im unwell or like its coming from a place of insecurity </3#i know what im capable of at my job! i dont need that validated! i do not care that much about my work unfortunately!#maybe ill be proud of it one day but as it is this feels like a fluke of offering to help the right people and pity#bc it IS a popularity contest and i dont want to win that. to be honest i dont know these people well and they do NOT know me#getting it just feels like a testament to how im killing myself for a job i hate because im too cowardly to leave#or to even just care a little less. ive tried to explain this to a few people and it has gone over like a sack full of concrete#which is even WORSE because i KNOW how intensely some of them want employee of the month and i was trying to#avoid telling them about it at all because i dont want it!!! they can have it!!! they dont need to hear what i feel about it (insulted)#because you would not believe this but telling someone who desperately wants employee of the month#that you don't want to receive it because it feels like a slap in the face does NOT GET RECEIVED WELL!!!!!#i dont wanna manage other peoples feelings about it im having enough trouble managing my own!!#i had to get called to a team huddle and lose time i couldnt afford to lose in my department that is still drowning incidentally#to be put on the spot and congratulated by people who dont know me and were confused by how miserable i looked#it was like a fucking nightmare!! i had to run out back and scream for a bit and cried so hard i strained my back#could barely stand for the rest of the day not that it mattered because i had no choice if i didnt want to completely fall behind#employee of the month. fuck. i never wanted to be recognized in the first place but if it feels like this then why would i want it!!!!
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kira-akira · 8 months ago
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What I Want You To Know About Long COVID
Well lads, I've been suffering from Long COVID for over a year now. My life is at a complete standstill. I'm 25 years old and I'm too sick to go back to school, I can't work, I had to move back in with my parents and I'm still stuck here.
Here are just a few things I wish people knew about Long COVID, including things I didn't know myself until I got it.
COVID destroys your immune system. Yes, even if you don't have Long COVID. Are you getting sick more often now? When you get sick, does it last longer? There are many studies showing that COVID causes t cell depletion, even in mild COVID cases! T cells are how your body remembers how to fight off infections you've had before so losing those cells? Bad news.
Your initial infection can be mild and you can still get Long COVID. Right from Yale Medicine, "Most people with Long COVID had mild acute COVID." (This is also a good link for a basic Long COVID overview).
There can be a gap of time between when you "get better" from the initial COVID infection to the onset of Long COVID symptoms. Some people get sick with an initial COVID infection and never get better. Some get better and then weeks or months later start developing Long COVID symptoms. Long COVID symptoms can even fluctuate over time, can go away for months and then suddenly come back.
So many people have Long COVID and don't realize it. Do you feel more tired lately but no matter how much you sleep, nothing helps? Is it harder to concentrate at work or school? Can you just not think like you used to? You could have Long COVID and not even know it. Even mild post-COVID symptoms are still Long COVID.
COVID can do anything to your body. Long COVID has over 200 recognized symptoms and can affect basically any part or system of your body. There is no one mechanism or cause of Long COVID which unfortunately also means there's no one cure either.
The effects of COVID are cumulative. Each COVID reinfection increases your chances of developing Long COVID. COVID is also affecting your body in other ways, yes, even if you're otherwise young and healthy! "Repeat COVID-19 infections increase risk of organ failure, death".
Once you have Long COVID, repeat COVID infections will make your symptoms worse. "80% [of Long COVID patients] saw their symptoms worsen [from reinfection]. In 60% of people who were in recovery or remission from Long COVID, reinfection caused a recurrence of Long COVID."
There is a lot more I want to say about Long COVID but I want to keep this post at least somewhat manageable to read. Like how when COVID is contracted during pregnancy, those COVID-exposed fetuses have a 6.3-fold increased risk of motor developmental delays, or that another study found 50% of babies exposed to COVID in utero had developmental delays.
You need to keep caring about COVID, for others around you and also for yourself even if you're "healthy". Everyone is at risk. And don't forget 40-60% of COVID infections are asymptomatic, which is why masking even if you feel fine is crucial. The only way right now to not get Long COVID is to not get COVID in the first place. It's not too late, if you've stopped masking it's never too late to start again! I know it's easy to get distracted by things in your life that seem more real than the possibility of getting sick some time in the future, and the peer pressure to not mask can be intense. But it only feels less real or less important until your entire life is having Long COVID. Trust me.
I know this is a complicated issue, many people can't afford to stay home when sick even if they want to because of their jobs, there are disgusting policies trying to ban wearing masks, but please if you can. Keep masking. Masking works, masking saves lives.
This post got a bit longer than I wanted so below the cut is a non-exhaustive list of my Long COVID symptoms and some of my experiences as one of the "healthy young people" who got "unlucky". cw brief mention of suicidal ideation.
Welcome to the Thunderdome that is my body with Long COVID. Keep in mind these are just my experiences and symptoms, Long COVID can cause any range of symptoms at varying severities.
Dysautonomia: Exercise intolerance, Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM), fatigue, and heat intolerance. What do those things mean? Here's some specific examples. Absolutely terrible circulation I am so cold all the time but also, if I get a little too warm I will pass out. Eating hot food makes my heart rate spike, I sweat, my body feels heavy. Blood pooling and pins and needles in my feet when I walk. Don't even think about exercising past walking, it's impossible. I used to work out an hour a day 4 times a week and now walking up one flight of stairs makes my heart pound and I can't breathe. Can't take even just warm showers anymore or I will pass out. Heat rashes from being in the sun for 10 minutes.
Digestive issues: Honestly too many to name but: constant bloating, extreme nausea, constipation, slow motility, lack of appetite, just so much cramping and pain. I lost 18 pounds from Long COVID, as someone who was already considered underweight their entire life, and almost had to get a shunt put into my chest to deliver nutrients because I was nearly completely unable to eat. For the first 6 months of Long COVID, if I could manage 600 calories a day, that was a good day.
Histamine intolerance: Oh boy. My worst symptoms, I don't even know where to start with it. If you know Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) it's very similar. I can only eat 19 foods. If i eat a single bite of something not on that list, it's 48 hours of absolute hell. Coughing, migraines, itchy eyes, such extreme nausea I cannot even describe it, panic/feeling of doom, racing heart rate, derealization, rash, uncontrollable muscle tremors. I only learned about histamine intolerance 5 months into having Long COVID so before that, I was experiencing these symptoms nearly every single day. Terrifying isn't even a strong enough word to describe how it felt to experience all this and have no idea what it was, how to stop it, or if it would ever stop. Really dark times.
Neurological issues: More of that derealization. Inability to concentrate. Anxiety. OCD-like symptoms such as thoughts getting "stuck" in my head, repeating 24/7 completely unable to stop them, genuinely felt like my brain had cracked open and I had lost my mind. Constant dizziness like I'm on a boat.
Sleep issues: I sleep like garbage. I have insomnia, I wake up dozens of times every night and every single time I sleep I have intensely vivid dreams. I can't sleep longer than 7 hours total no matter how exhausted I am. It is exhausting. I'm exhausted, I'm so so tired.
And finally. Just. Really intense suicidal ideation. My body, my health, my entire life has been stolen from me because someone else decided my life was worth less to them than wearing a mask or staying home if they feel sick. Before I got Long COVID, I was preparing to go to South Korea to teach English, then on to a PhD in neurolinguistics, I was supposed to meet my long distance partner and had already booked plane tickets when I got sick. All of that has been destroyed.
Most of us with Long COVID are stuck in a cycle of being extremely sick, then if you're lucky you'll slowly get better over months, just to get reinfected and go right back where you started or worse. Honestly, I'm not scared of dying from COVID. I'm scared of living for a long time, suffering from Long COVID the entire time. This isn't living.
I don't know how to end this now. I'm still fighting, I'm trying experimental treatments, I'm not giving up yet. I hope everyone reading this stays healthy and well.
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sakuravalelp · 3 months ago
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Don't eat anything else - DC X DP
Using this prompt
Next part
Masterpost
Danny is sure that if it wasn't for his ghost side, he would have already died from malnutrition. Vlad, the monster he is, doesn't allow him to eat any meal without human meat. It's not that he isn't allowed vegetables, fruits, and animal byproducts, but every meal has human meat somehow. Vlad watches him with piercing eyes while he eats, making sure he doesn't avoid the meat.
He's gone days without eating just to avoid it, but eventually, he does have to eat. He has eaten human meat! He wonders if this is why Dan decided to renounce his human side.
Future Vlad had told him that Dan wanted to get rid of his ghost side due to his grief, but maybe Dan thought he would feel better about eating humans if he were a complete ghost. Danny could understand that, but he now knows it wouldn't work...
The Infinite Realms are full of different species, and the act of eating another species that's able to coexist with you in a society feels just as horrendous as cannibalism. Was finding this out what drove Dan mad?
He isn't getting much nutrition when he does eat either, not with him vomiting at least half the times he does. Not that Vlad cares about that;
"Ectoplasm will take care of your body while you stubbornness dies. I do think it would be easier for you if you just stopped being ridiculous and eat."
Ectoplasm and water are the only things he has free access too, and Danny hates how grateful he is for at least having that.
As if things couldn't be worse, he's also been forced to cook the meat. When he started learning how to cook with Tucker's mom, he never, never, would have imagined he would be using his abilities for this. He has grown numb to butchering human corpses…
Corpses are a frequent view in the kitchen. He's scared one day he'll recognize the face of one of them. Vlad knows it and uses to control him, telling him that if he doesn't behave, their next meal might be Tucker or Sam. He hates to admit how docile he's grown.
He hasn't seen Tucker, Sam, or anyone since the explosion in the lab took his family. Vlad doesn't allow him to leave the mansion for anything besides galas. He has him collared like a dog to prevent him from leaving. Except, his collar is a shock bracelet charged with blood blossoms that would inject into his wrist if he tries to escape.
He thought Vlad was bluffing and tried escaping once. His whole body felt like it was burning up in flames, and he wasn't able to move for a week. Vlad told him that next time, the dose would keep him in bed for a month. He hasn't tried escaping since.
He's still talking with them through chat. He doesn't know if Vlad knows, but he doesn't think he does; he told him his phone exploded with the lab. But he can't tell them anything. How could he? How is he supposed to tell them he has cooked humans? That he has eaten humans? That he has grown somewhat numb to it? He can't, and then he feels like he can't talk about anything else that is happening.
Today, as he serves the entrance dish to the first guests Vlad has had since he took Danny in, he forces a fake smile on his face. Inside, he feels a wave of nausea and dread as intense as the first time he was forced to eat human meat. The grotesque irony of presenting this dish, knowing what it contains, twists his stomach and makes his hands tremble ever so slightly.
They don't know. They have no idea that they're being served their own species. They don't know, and Danny is the one forced to make them eat their own kind.
The appetizer is a vegetable-based soup with barely any traces of meat, but the main dish features a full human fillet. The guilt and revulsion claw at his insides, nearly choking him. He has to at least stop them from eating that. He needs to get them out of here somehow. And maybe, just maybe, it’s time to try and put a stop to everything else. He can’t let this atrocity continue.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Tim didn't feel comfortable listening to Masters talk about how good the food would be, while Masters' heir served the appetizer with the fakest smile Tim had ever seen. The teen looked so clearly uncomfortable and scared around his guardian that it was hard to resist the urge to grab the boy and leave.
Masters had praised his godson’s cooking during the gala last week, all the while keeping a hand possessively on the teen’s shoulder. Tim didn't like how controlling it seemed, nor how the grip tightened when the teen mumbled quietly about his name being Danny. It was difficult to witness the entire interaction, especially as the teen appeared to fall into a state of complete dissociation afterward.
They were already planning to investigate Masters due to the suspicious nature of all his contracts, but after the gala, they had to shift their focus to helping the teen. They were fortunate that Masters had granted them easy access to his mansion with the invitation to try Danny's cooking.
They couldn't all go to Masters's and leave Gotham behind, so at the dinner, it was just Bruce, Cass, and Tim. Jason was also in the city because he refused to stay away from an obvious abuse case, but he wasn't allowed at the dinner. He would have attacked Masters just from seeing Danny’s uncomfortable stance under his hand during their greeting.
Masters had insisted that Danny serve the food since he had made it, and now Danny stood beside him, serving him the last plate of soup. Danny stumbled for a moment, and before Tim knew it, he was bathed in soup. Tim blinked, surprised at how the soup wasn’t as hot as he had expected, given the steam rising from the other plates.
"Daniel! What the hell are you doing!?"
Vlad exclaimed, standing up from his place, and the teen beside Tim paled.
“I—I am so sorry!” Danny apologized, using napkins to help clean off the soup, his hands slightly trembling. “Did you get burned?”
"No, no, don't worry about it. I'm okay."
"It isn't okay. Daniel, you ruined Mr. Drake's clothes!"
"Sorry... Let's- I think I have clothes that could fit you... So you could change?"
Oh, so that was why his soup wasn’t hot. Danny had poured it on him deliberately; he was trying to get him alone. Despite how scared Danny looked, it seems he still clung to the hope of escaping. Tim felt a surge of relief and determination. He was glad to see that Danny was looking for a way out, and this chance could be their opportunity to devise a plan.
"Thanks, I would appreciate that." he said as he stood from his sit. He saw how Masters was opening his mouth to say something, but Tim didn't want to risk loosing the opportunity. "Please, don't worry about it Mr. Masters, accidents happen, we'll be back in a moment."
Tim locked eyes with Bruce for just a second, a barely noticeable nod telling him Bruce trusted him to do this right. He then followed Danny through the mansion’s halls and up the stairs, noting that Danny’s bedroom was on the top floor. Danny kept his arms crossed, trying to make himself appear smaller.
"I'm really sorry Mr. Drake. I should have been more careful."
"It's okay really, and please, just call me Tim."
"Oh, um, thanks, but Vlad doesn't like nicknames... would- would it be okay to use Timothy instead?"
“… Yeah, sure.” It seemed Vlad controlled the way Danny was allowed to speak. “Would you mind if I call you Danny then?” Tim asked. He had been mentally referring to him as Danny since the gala and wanted to match that with his spoken words.
Danny shrank farther into himself, and Tim was about to retract his suggestion, but then a small smile appeared on Danny's face and he turned to look at Tim.
"Yeah, I would like that." Danny said in a hushed toned, and a hint of fears in his eyes. Like he was afraid to accept the suggestion.
Tim wondered if Masters had punished Danny for mumbling his preferred name at the gala. However, before he could dwell further on the types of punishments Masters might have used, Danny's eyes widened.
"Ancients, you even have soup on your hair-"
Despite Tim’s attempts to reassure him that everything was okay, Danny continued to apologize throughout the journey to his bedroom. Lamenting how foolish it had been to let the plate slip, and how he should have known better.
Danny’s constant self-reproach made Tim question whether he had misjudged the situation. Maybe it had been a genuine mistake. In theory, it wouldn't matter, because he got to talk alone with Danny either way, but he liked thinking that Danny was reaching out for their help.
Once in Danny's bedroom, Danny beelined to his closet to give Tim a change of clothes. Tim took the opportunity to look around. Danny's room was… impersonal. It was sophisticated and extravagant, like a room that would be featured in a magazine. Tim was sure Danny hadn't decided on the decor. He was surprised to see the bedroom had a large balcony connected to it. Maybe Masters trusted it was high enough for Danny not to attempt escaping through it?
"Would this outfit work for you?"
Danny was holding a suit similar to the one Masters had worn at a previous gala. Now that Tim paid attention to Danny's outfit, he noticed that Danny's clothes today were almost a smaller version of what Masters was wearing, with just enough differences to not be immediately recognized as the same. Thinking back to last weeks gala, their outfits were also similar. To what extent was Masters controlling Danny's life?
"Um... if you don't like it I can grab another one..."
Tim blinked, realizing he had just stared silently at Danny while he offered him the clothes.
"No, sorry, got lost in thoughts, I'm okay using those."
"Okay, I'm glad. Again, sorry for..." Danny motioned to Tims clothes "You can change in my bathroom over there." He pointed to a door beside the bed. "Maybe also take a shower?" Danny got a towel from his closet and offered it to Tim.
"Yeah a shower would be good." Tim said, taking clothes and the towel and entering the bathroom.
He'll talk with Danny once he was changed into clean clothes. If only to calm Danny's guilt about the incident.
Danny's bathroom was spacious, with a jacuzzi bathtub, a separate shower, and one of those popular bidet toilets. From an outside perspective it must look like Danny has anything he could want, but Tim knows better than anyone that money doesn't guaranty a good household. It's sad knowing that any CPS agent that did decide to look into this, would be easily push away by Masters money.
Once Tim had showered and changed clothes, he prepared to go back to the bedroom to talk to Danny, but before he did, a green glow from the corner of his eye caught his attention. Tim sucked a breath when he saw what it was. A syringe with traces of Lazarus waters and blood sat beside the sink.
"Timothy? Everything okay in there? Did the clothes don't fit?"
Tim took a photo of the syringe and sent it to the group chat with the caption, "We may have to add experimentation to Danny's abuse." After taking a sample, he decided to leave the syringe behind, considering the possibility that Masters might use the same syringe more than once and notice its disappearance. He really hoped to get Danny out of there that same day, but if they couldn't, he didn't want to make things more difficult for him.
"Everything is okay! I'll be out in a second."
Tim took one last look around while picking up his dirty clothes, just in case he found anything else. When he left the bathroom, Danny was waiting for him, shifting nervously from side to side. It was time to talk to him.
"Danny, look, I wanted to talk-"
"Ah, let me take your clothes! I'll make sure to clean them and get them back to you!" Danny interrupted him, grabbing his arm and shaking his head with a pleading look.
Tim looked incredulous at Danny for a second, before he realized what was happening and mouthed. "Your bedroom is bugged." He hadn't meant it as a question but Danny had nodded anyway. It was fucked up, Danny couldn't even talk confidently in his own bedroom?
"Right, thank you Danny. I would appreciate that. Perhaps we could take the opportunity to meet again in the future."
Danny gave him the look an adult might give a naive child when talking about an unreachable fantasy, and Tim couldn't help but frown at it. Did Danny believe that even seeing them again was too out of reach?
"That would be great, I'll talk with Vlad about the possibility."
Tim was going to say something else to try to reassure Danny that they would be able to meet, but Danny just handed him two pieces of paper. One was unfolded with text on it, and the other was folded into a small square, smaller than his pinky. He read the unfolded paper first.
- Don't eat anymore of the food. Pretend to have some sort of family emergency and leave, please. Read the other paper when you're far away. -
Tim looked at Danny with questioning wide eyes, but Danny just gave him another pleading look. Tim took a deep breath and took a photo to the paper and sent it to the group chat.
"Oh common, aren't you a little old to ask your guardian about every little meet up you have?" (Would you leave with us?)
Danny gives a nervous chuckle.
"Maybe, but after my family, Vlad tends to be really protective, you know?" He said while pointing to his bracelet.
Tim hadn't noticed how tick the bracelet was before. It was metallic, with a red liquid line in the middle.
"Shock bracelet?" He mouthed.
Danny nodded and then mouthed, "if I scape, it poisons me."
Tim pales a bit at that. They had underestimated how dangerous Masters was.
He motioned to his phone and took a photo of the bracelet after Danny nodded and sent to the group chat with the caption: "Shock bracelet with the capacity of poisoning Danny. We won't be able to get him out right now."
"We should probably go back with the others now."
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
Group chat
Coffee is my life: *Photo of the syringe*
Coffee is my life: We may have to add experimentation to Danny's abuse.
Death boy walking: Fuck!
Death boy walking: @ Adoption addict, we have to get the kid out of there now!
Bones? What bones?: Bruce is entertaining Masters with Cass at the moment little wing.
Bones? What bones?: I doubt he'll read this.
The blood son: There's no way that buffoon has any relation with grandfather. He's company does not follow any of the leagues morals.
Light & shadow: Maybe he found another Lazarus pit?
Light & shadow: They're supposedly naturally formed right? It shouldn't be that crazy for someone out of the league to have one.
Computer genius: It might not even be Lazarus waters. The tone is slightly off.
The blood son: It is possible that it is a different variation of dionesium.
Death boy walking: Who cares? He's injecting the kid with that thing!
Not Bruces kid: Hate to say it but the zombie is right, we can find what exactly when Danny is safe.
Coffee is my life: *Photo of paper with text*
Light & shadow: ????
Light & shadow: Is the food poisoned!?
Computer genius: Already told them through comms to not eat anymore food.
Computer genius: If the food is poison it hasn't affected them yet.
Light & shadow: Do you guys have a way to deal with the poison there?
Bones? What bones?: Don't worry Bruce doesn't go anywhere without the poison antidote kit.
Death boy walking: Of course he doesn't. The paranoid bastard.
The blood son: It isn't paranoia if the danger is real Todd.
Computer genius: I'll call Bruce in 10 to pretend a family emergency.
Death boy walking: You are NOT going without Danny!
Bones? What bones?: Any possibility on taking Danny with you @ Coffee is my life?
Coffee is my life: *Photo of bracelet*
Coffee is my life: Shock bracelet with the capacity of poisoning Danny. We won't be able to get him out right now.
Not Bruces kid: WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTF
Not Bruces kid: Wasn't this a low stakes rescue???
Not Bruces kid: Why is this man coming up with plans in the big villain category?
Light & shadow: I'm scared of whatever "the other paper" that Danny gave Tim says.
Light & shadow: Wouldn't be surprised if Masters was connected with a trafficking ring.
Bones? What bones?: @ Death boy walking?
Bones? What bones?: You're too silent...
Bones? What bones?: Remember you won't be able to barge in without putting Danny in danger.
Death boy walking: I ALREADY KNOW THAT DICKFACE.
The blood son: Tt, don't be so surprise by the warning Todd.
The blood son: Your past actions have prove it necessary.
Death boy walking: Shut the fuck up demon brat. You're not one to talk.
... The blood son is writing ...
Light & shadow: Everyone have had their outburst of bad decisions.
Light & shadow: Can we go back to Danny?
Light & shadow: How likely do you think it is that he's a meta?
Light & shadow: Because, I think it's pretty high.
Not Bruces kid: Did you see something strange in him on the gala?
Light & shadow: No, but the bracelet are pretty similar to the meta-suppressors collars I've seen in the past.
Computer genius: I'm calling Bruce right now.
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
next part
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pathologicalreid · 1 month ago
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what goes bump in the night | s.r.
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in which Spencer's struggling with violent nightmares after prison, and you find yourself on the receiving end of his tossing and turning
who? spencer reid x fem!reader category: angst content warnings: reader gets whapped in the face. don't like don't read, please. blood, prison arc, black eye, a lot of guilt. therapy. word count: 1.89k a/n: (this wasn't a request but shout out to the anon who told me i had to repost this after i deleted it) this is some dark shit but i have to admit i do think about the possibility a lot. take care while reading my loves.
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Several years in the BAU had inadvertently trained you to wake up at any slight movement or noise. While some might call it paranoia, you considered it to be a finely tuned skill.
Spencer didn’t sleep talk before prison, and even now, he only mumbled in his sleep when he was having a nightmare. Normally, he didn’t move, he just tossed his head around and begged for whoever he was seeing in his nightmare to just hold on. Tonight was different, he sounded like he was pleading for someone to leave him alone, and he was thrashing more than usual.
You knew there was a risk of waking him, but you reached out and gently shook his shoulder anyway. “Spence,” you whispered, not wanting to hurtle him out of his darkened dreamscape.
There was no response. No sign of him coming even close to waking up.
His thrashing became worse, and his mumbling became even less intelligible like something was covering his mouth in his dream. Reaching out from your side of the bed, you tried to grab his hand, hoping it would be something that he could use to ground himself. Gripping his hand, you said his name again, more forcefully this time.
The pain didn’t even register at first. The first thing you recognized was the sensation of having something stuck in your eye, a small twinge in the outer corner that sent your hands flying to the side of your face.
Oh.
With your uninjured eye, you looked up to see Spencer, awake. Breathing heavy, sure, but awake. Very slowly, his breathing slowed, but he had seemingly forgotten that he was sharing a bed with you until you felt liquid trickling from your nose and scrambled to the bathroom before you got blood all over the sheets.
His wide eyes followed your shadow through the bedroom, putting the convoluted puzzle pieces together as he came out from under his nightmare-induced fugue state only to find a different type of panic. You faintly heard him curse and rustle the sheets as you shut the bathroom door harder than you intended.
You looked at yourself in the mirror, your right eye was tearing up as a result of the impact, and your nose was trickling blood down your face. Grabbing a wad of tissues from the box on the counter, you pressed them to your nose, blinking the tears from your eyes to the sound of your heart beating through your chest.
Spencer knocked on the bathroom door, followed by a larger thud that you assumed was him leaning his head against the door. “Can I come in?”
You tried not to sniff, hating the sensation of your nose being covered, you responded, “It’s your bathroom.” Your tone was far too blasé, and Spencer was going to see through it immediately.
“That’s not what I asked,” he told you, a slight tone of desperation ringing through. You knew what he wanted to know; he was asking if you were comfortable with him being in the same room as you – if you’d feel safe with him in the same room as you.
Leaning your head back, you took as deep of a breath as your body would physically allow you before you answered, “Yeah, you can come in.”
Before you had even finished speaking, Spencer had opened the door to the bathroom, letting the light stream into the bedroom, “Fuck,” he murmured when he saw you, “Hey, don’t lean your head back. You don’t want the blood to run down your throat.”
“Okay,” your voice quavered, watching him lift his hands like he wanted to guide your head down until he realized he didn’t know what to do with his hands – he couldn’t bring himself to touch you. Leaning over the sink, you let coagulated blood fall from your mouth, watching it go down the drain before you looked up at Spencer, who watched on in horror at the mess he had created. “Can you grab more tissues?” You asked him, giving him a job to busy his idle hands.
Instantly, Spencer grabbed a handful of tissues and held them out for you, within your range of motion. Still leaning over the sink, you took the new tissues and held them to your nose, haphazardly dropping the soiled tissue in the basin beneath you. “I don’t… What-“
Cutting him off, you spoke, “Do you still have those ice packs? The first aid ones from last year,” you made a new request, giving him a job to perform so that he wouldn’t apologize to you. He’d apologize until he was blue in the face, but you still wouldn’t know how to respond.
He nodded, crouching in front of one of the cabinets and filtering through a first aid kit, hoping to produce a disposable ice pack for you to place near your eye. With the timidness of a newborn foal, Spencer set the plastic on the counter next to you.
Your boyfriend watched as you carefully peeled the tissues from your face, checking to see if the bleeding had stopped, only to quickly replace the tissue when you noticed a trickle of fresh blood making its way down your philtrum. “Aren’t you supposed to pinch it or something?”
“Yes, you can pinch the bridge of your nose to staunch the bleeding,” Spencer said, grabbing your discarded Kleenex and putting them in the garbage bin. He watched intently as you reached up your free hand to pinch your nose, “Does… does it hurt?”
Giving him a quick shake of the head, you met his eyes through the mirror, “I don’t think it’s broken,” you told him, avoiding answering most of his question.
He loosed a sigh of relief, “Thank god,” he murmured, keeping an eye on you as you wondered how terrified he must have been to invoke the name of a deity he didn’t believe in.
Once you were finally able to drop the last of the tissues in the sink, you were faced with an even worse reality. There was no way of escaping the black eye that you already had forming, the tender skin would be further marred with time. “I think it looks worse than it actually is,” you offered meekly, reaching to your side and grabbing the ice pack off of the counter. You popped the center of it before wrapping it in a towel that Spencer had set out for you.
Holding in a hiss as the towel touched your face, you allowed your eyes to wander across the rest of your body. Your shirt had drips of blood on it, but the larger issue was red encrusted all over your face. With the urgency of a sloth, Spencer took a different towel from the drawer and ran it under the tap, wringing it out before holding it up, “May I?”
“Yeah,” you breathed, thankful for your newly cleared airway as you extended your neck, giving him the access he needed to wipe the blood from your chin and neck. “Spence-“
“I’m so sorry,” he interjected, his movements faltering as he let his hand drop to your shoulder.
You shook your head, crinkling the icepack in your hand, you blinked rapidly, hoping to clear your vision. “It’s okay, I shouldn’t have grabbed you,” you told him, it was the truth. He had obviously been having a violent nightmare, and you grabbing him had likely triggered a fight or flight response.
Spencer sighed dejectedly, “I burst a blood vessel in your eye. I’m so…” his voice trailed off in the middle of his sentence, leaving you unsure whether he was going to apologize again or go off on a self-deprecating tirade. “I hit you,” he breathed, abruptly yanking his hands away from you, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have touched you.” Setting the washcloth on the counter, he put his hands up in surrender and stepped away from you.  
Leaning against the bathroom counter, you wished for an inkling – anything you could say to him that would prevent his auto-villainization. “I wish you wouldn’t say it like that. Saying you hit me sounds so…”
“Wrong? That’s because it is,” he said harshly, and you could almost see the storm of self-loathing that was brewing in his mind.
Shaking your head, you adjusted your grip on the icepack before looking up at him, “but it makes it sound like it was intentional. You didn’t hit me, you… thwapped me.”
Spencer loosed a shaky sigh, “I’m not so sure that’s better.”
“Would you prefer bonked?” You proposed, looking at him and hoping for a small smile, but being disappointed when you were met with the same haunted expression. “It was an accident,” you insisted, reaching out your unoccupied hand and taking his hand in yours, “I am fine.”
He scoffed dismissively, “I should have had a better handle on myself.”
You frowned, “You were asleep, Spence. You couldn’t have had a better handle on yourself. It wasn’t on purpose, and you’re taking care of me now,” you told him softly.
“But you’re scared of it happening again,” he challenged you.
When he had come home, you knew he had been changed. Not necessarily for the better or for worse, but he was most certainly changed. You had heard everything in bits and pieces, what had happened in Millburn, what had happened with Cat, but nothing had prepared you for the harshness of your new reality. He was capable of harming others, but that didn’t mean you thought he’d hurt you again. “You’re disappointed in yourself, but you don’t believe you get to feel that way. You’re projecting onto me,” you told him, taking your hand back.
Spencer flinched back, “Don’t profile me.”
“You, Spencer Reid, would never knowingly lay a hand on me,” you insisted, you believed it. You believed it even if he didn’t believe it himself.
The two of you sat in an angst-filled silence before he stood up straight, gently starting to usher you into the bedroom. Handing you a t-shirt from your drawer to change into, you could see his internal struggle as he grabbed a pillow from the bed and made his way toward the door.
Despondently, your shoulders slumped forward, “Where are you going?” You asked softly, hating to watch him leave your shared bedroom over this.
“I’m sleeping on the couch. I’m gonna… I’ll try to set up a meeting with my therapist in the morning. I just…” his voice trailed off as he looked at you with wide, sad eyes, “You’re okay?”
Your heart ached at his voice as you nodded, opening your arms for him and letting out a sigh of relief when he returned to you for a hug. Reaching your free hand behind him, you rubbed his back comfortingly, “We’re going to make it through this, mark my words.”
He nodded in affirmation as he pulled away, “For my own peace of mind, I’ll sleep on the couch for a while.”
You accepted it, knowing that he needed to deal with this in his own way, he closed the door behind him, effectively leaving you alone. Laying back on the pillows with your icepack still clutched to your face, you sighed, wondering how long it had been since your boyfriend felt any semblance of peace of mind.
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leneemusing · 2 months ago
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MISC SENTENCE STARTERS WITH A DASH OF ANGST
❝ i can't even say he deceived me. i knew exactly what he was and i jumped in anyway. ❞
❝ i think eventually i got so used to the chaos and the pain and the toxicity i began to look for it. ❞
❝ i never got a chance to discover myself. i never had that privilege. ❞
❝ you can tell me anything. i mean i can't promise i'm good at keeping secrets, but i'm a hell of a listener. ❞
❝ no one wants to yearn anymore. ❞
❝ i'm doing some of my best work here and you don't even have the decency to roll your eyes at me. honestly it's hurtful. ❞
❝ i know what you're thinking. ❞
❝ if i ask for your help are you gonna make a big deal out of it? ❞
❝ can we just be normal for like two seconds for once. ❞
❝ i would say i don't know what's wrong with you but i actually do and that's the problem. ❞
❝ against my better judgement i trust you and i think that says a lot about the state of the world right now. ❞
❝ i don't actually care but i'm bored so i'm here. ❞
❝ last time i listened to you we almost died. ❞
❝ i would've come sooner. i would've been here if you'd only asked. ❞
❝ i don't want to hurt anymore. ❞
❝ you don't have to hurt anymore. you can let go of those burdens. ❞
❝ it'd be a lot easier if i actually cared as little as i pretend to. ❞
❝ i do need you. i wouldn't be here if i didn't. ❞
❝ sometimes you don't know it's wrong until it's too late. sometimes you don't know you're being hurt until you realize you're in pieces. ❞
❝ pretending you don't need people doesn't make you strong it just makes you a jackass. ❞
❝ you're gonna be okay. eventually. but first you gotta not be okay for a while. it's gotta suck so you can actually recognize when you're alright again. ❞
❝ you shouldn't have said that. ❞
❝ sometimes i wish they had done something worse. then it'd justify how hard it's been to get over it. ❞
❝ i wish you actually understood me. ❞
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ksharkthemommy · 4 months ago
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MDNI 🔞
I'm no writer but if someone wanted to give life to my ghost cod prompt feel free to do so I just request to be tagged so I can read it anywho onto the prompt
Ok imagine you're transferred to the 141 and ghost being ghost he immediately dislikes you and no matter how hard you try you'll never get his approval but after a particularly rough training session you end up sleeping together and you think "oh he likes me" except he treats you the same if not worse then before so you decide to stop trying with him then you miss your period and yup you're pregnant but you think if you told ghost he'd tell you to get rid of it or tell you to figure it out yourself because he won't be helping so you decide not to tell him you go to price and request a transfer to a new position or to be medically discharged and just disappear dont even say goodbye to ghost because why would he care right? Then after a few months you're settled into your apartment you get a knock on the door and when you look you see a large blonde man with a clipboard outside assuming it's maintenance to fix your ac or something (because ghost is so mean he'd never taken off his skull mask around you not even to kiss you) so you open the door and he immediately smiles seeing your bump and before you can even greet him hes pushing you back into the apartment closing the door and says "did you really think you could run away and I just wouldn't find out" and you immediately recognize his voice and a wave of fear rushes over you except he's so so sweet and gentle especially as he grabs you and presses his lips to yours holding you in his big strong arms only pulling away to greet your belly "can you believe mama thought she could keep you secret from me? Don't worry little one" he says while caressing your stomach while you stand there utterly confused at his complete shift in behavior "daddys not going anywhere" that's when you try to move away "ghost I'm sorry I thought you wouldn't want her since you hated me so much" he looks you in your eyes moving to hold you again "Simon" "what" "m'names Simon" hes holding you so lovingly its completely foreign "an I could never hate you"
And then they get married and live happily ever after or however yall want it to end lol
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