#or worse - they do recognize it and just don't care
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Adding onto this. Silco is probably THE definition of "it's not always about the money spiderman." I hate the take that he's only doing things for his own self interest because it so violently goes against what we're told about him. If Silco was truly in it for the personal power, money, influence, etc, he could and WOULD have stopped a long time ago. If it's just about ego then he doesn't need Zaun to become independent. If he only cared about zaun independence for his own glory and not for his own people then he'd be no better than the chem barons, and we see how Silco views them as parasites who are beneath Silco. Silco loves Zaun for what it is, which is why his vision of a better Zaun is not a Zaun with peace, it's a Zaun with freedom. Silco sees nothing wrong with the under city's chaos and violence, which is why he perpetuates both and doesn't try to stop either. This contrasts Vi, who as a child viewed Zaun as being inferior to Piltover. This contrasts Ekko, who actively tries to improve upon the Undercity. Silco is devoted to his nation not in spite of its flaws but because of its flaws. To him, it's perfect as is, the only problem is that they're oppressed. Silco already views Zaun and Piltover as equals even though they don't have equal power or influence or ability. To him, Zaun is just as good and potentially better than Piltover. All they need is a chance to excel, the opportunity to rise above the hardships that they wouldn't have if not for Piltover. Silco's okay with putting down and harming individual zaunites if it means the collective group will be better off. It's why he sees no problem with shimmer, because even though it's actively destroying the community, it's boosting their economy and furthering themselves from Piltover.
Silco's hatred for topside really can't be understated. It's important to remember that his generation grew up in a much worse zaun. Of course he's willing to use any means necessary to be free from those assholes, especially after all he's sacrificed and the sacrifices of others he's witnessed. Silco seems to really admire his generation for all the shit they had to put up with. He tells Finn before zaun became an enterprise all they had was the loyalty of zaunite brothers and sisters helping each other. "And now I'm forced to share the air with parasites like you who leech off their memory." Personally, in light of season 2, this line makes extra sense because of Felicia. Felicia was one of Silco's closest friends and she laid down her life fighting for the cause ("so you'll die for a cause, but you won't fight for one?!" Now this line makes more sense too), she's the perfect example of a true Zaunite. Silco also used the gray against the chem barons to not only highlight his superiority to them but also to once again differentiate between his generation and the newer generation.
"Oh, you don't recognize it? Have you forgotten where we came from? The mines they had us in? Air so thick it clogged your throat, stuck in your eyes? I pulled you all from the depths and offered you a taste of topside and fresh air. I gave you life. Purpose. But now you've grown fat and complacent. Too much time in the sun. We came from a world where there was never enough to go around, Finn. That is why we fight."
Yes silco does have his own ego and he is doing things for his own selfish interests but he's not doing things ONLY for himself. His own selfishness is truly not his priority, it's the nation of zaun. "I'm doing this for us, Jinx. For the sons and daughters of Zaun."
I don't see Silco as someone who "lost his way" bc there's no evidence to suggest that this wasn't always his way. We know that he wasn't once always this fucked up and evil but from my perspective he's always been the radicalist. He's always been the one behind the Nation of Zaun, the one that's always been willing to do anything to get his goal. Not even the death of Felicia stopped him or even gave him any pause from pursuing his goal. And of course it didn't, Felicia is the one that told him "I don't care if you have to carve it out of the bedrock covered in blisters." Additionally, silco does just see himself as better than the chem barons, he sees himself as better than most zaunites too. Silco has literally gone through hell and back and is now the most powerful man in the undercity. If he can do that, then what's other people's excuse? Of course he's toying with the drug addicts, to him they're the weakest link in the zaunite societal chain. He's literally standing above them as they're at his feet. The fact that some of these drug addicts where Vander supporters also plays into I think (we know at least Huck had a past with Vander). Another reason why I think he sees himself as superior is because he's basically the only person actively trying to get independence. When Vander was their leader, all he cared about was maintaining the status quo. We know some maybe most of Silco's supporters initially joined him because of his promises of Independence and rebellion but we see after the time skip most of them become washed up and no longer care for the goal. The Firelights also don't seem to care about zaun independence either. They're anti silco and anti Piltover and their main goal is rehabilitating the community.
When Silco died, so did the nation of zaun- that idea, that ideology. NO ONE tries to achieve independence after his death. The zaunites start to rally against piltover because of the new oppressive conditions they're being subjected to, not because they're trying to achieve independence. The Firelights I've been trying to get rid of him since day one and what do they do when he's actually gone? Nothing, they don't make a single play for power in the Undercity. The fact that sevika ends up becoming a council member implies that Zaun is still a state under piltover and not its own nation.
Oh yeah I forgot that there's this opinion that Silco "was blindsided by power and wealth" and "lost his way" and "he only did what he did to benefit himself all along" etc etc. Uh. Where- where did you get that from? I'm not even being sarcastic or something, I'm genuinely curious how you can come to this conclusion.
He operates from a crappy office in The Last Drop and the only attributes of wealth he has are cigars and whiskey(?). My man had one pair of pants for 10+ years and only got a fancy coat to look more intimidating. Besides, when chembarons proposed to give back the gemstone to Piltover so their sales don't drop even harder Silco refused. Also he was ready to give up his power when Jayce made imprisoning Jinx a requirement for Zaun to gain independence. Sure, he IS motivated to keep his daughter safe, but it would also mean that his goal will finally be achieved, so there's nothing left for him to do. Both wealth and power are only means to achieve a goal to him. He also doesn't really display that he gets the kick out of it, unlike councilors in Piltover.
"Well yes he wants Zaun to be independent, but only as he personally sees it" when did he EVER say that??😭😭😭😭 Every time he speaks on the topic he only mentions how he wants Zaunites to have opportunities, respect, "more than (Piltover's) runoff". Like- that's literally everything he ever said about this. All that matters to him is independence, he couldn't care less about everything else.
As to "losing his way"...idk I think this can only be attributed to pre-drowning Silco. Because after it he pretty much decided to stick to what he now believed in forever, and at no point except the finale he went south from his beliefs.
Silco isn't "misguided" or "corrupt" or any other similar definition. He's a character who chose to become a monster to bring change to his people. And as s2 didn't do anything about resolving this conflict, he was never really proven wrong.
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hood is the ceo of “other people have it worse” /HJ
#meanwhile void is the ceo of ‘other people don’t exist’#it’s not the hood blog ikik#but who could he be thinking about??? oooOOOOoooOoo /silly#fnf psychic#fnf hood#fnf void#purple guys dlc#fic snippet#two plus one#<- name subject to change#i think these two imagine psychic’s relationship with his master to be worse than it really is#in that they think dearest is emotionally distant and doesn’t acknowledge the way psi has completely given himself to him#hood is probably more forgiving and open to believing psychic when he says it’s much better than that#void is not. lmao#bc then he has to acknowledge that psychic has someone more important to him. someone void resents; on top of already being tossed to the-#side for someone automatically inferior by vice of not being void#void doesn't genuinely care for psychic's well being he just wants the attention and to be able to hold that over dearest#i think he would really enjoy getting to replace dd solely for the novelty. bc void and psi could never have what psi has w dd#hood doesn't know the dearests well if at all so he basically has to trust whatever psychic says. and i don't think hood would#take psychic for someone who sugarcoats things#there's a difference between acting strong and acting like the situation is better than it actually is#psychic heavily engages in the first behavior but never the second. he is extremely brutally honest (except w select people i.e. girlfriend#and hood realizes that. so i don't think he would have any reason to disbelieve psychic if psychic explained that he has a really good#relationship with his master. that being said psychic has not explained that to hood in depth lmao#he doesn't want to admit the way he sees his master. and talking about their relationship could be a slippery slope#for the most part he is very good at not talking about himself. so hood still doesn't understand him that well. but he's perceptive.#especially next to void. hood sees the way psychic picks his master over them and i think he recognizes a little bit of himself in that#because of his relationship with zeta. he doesn't see the full picture but he has a better idea of what psychic wants than void does.#so yeah. really all they can do is genuinely talk to psychic together. but together they never will.
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Stonn x T'Pring and Sybok x Angel are the only SNW ships I like. Honestly, with the way the show is written, I'm rooting more for the Gorn than the Enterprise at this point.
With how that show's writing Vulcans I'm like 70% sure they're gonna make Stonn a bad guy or make T'Pring cheat on Spock so their relationship ends with "They both cheated!" or so that Christine can comfort Spock as if he hasn't been cheating on T'Pring pretty much the entire time he's been on screen. I watched a 'short trek' I think they're called? Because I heard T'Pring was in it but it was REAAALLY bad like humor I might have laughed at in middle school...anyway T'Pring was only in it so they could make a joke where the premise was "T'Pring keeps breaking up with Spock because she falls in love with other people and Spock is SOO sad about it" and I was like Hey. Are you even WATCHING your show???? You're taking potshots at the WRONG CHARACTER. Like, even if you wanna make that joke - Christine'd make more sense because Christine and Spock ARE actually 'keeping it casual' and Christine DOES actually date around whereas T'Pring is committed to Spock in SNW and trying at every turn to make their relationship work. It still wouldn't be funny if the girl constantly breaking up with Spock was Christine but having it be T'Pring literally doesn't even make sense. You can say "it's just a funny little joke" (as people say about a lot of SNW'S issues) but T'Pring is a female character who's been viciously maligned for YEARS and if their 'jokes' or 'comedy' come at the expense of their characters or the message of ultimate togetherness and hope in the galaxy then I don't find it funny. SNW isn't supposed to be a comedy I don't know why they keep trying to be 'funny' at the price of being earnest. This isn't a marvel movie. The pro-eugenics trial, killing the disabled character, killing the chronically ill character (and framing this as a beautiful relief), 'being disabled is worse than death' messaging, turning the Gorn into horror movie killer monsters (especially when they could have just made up another species), the bioessentialism, constantly maligning Vulcans as racist bullies (with Spock's half Human blood saving him) <- Which I hate ESPECIALLY when Spock has always been a symbol for mixed people in which he struggled equally with feeling belonging in BOTH cultures whereas in SNW it feels like "If he could only be released from Vulcan's evil clutches he could be happy!" + The laziness of cheating being a plot point in so many main characters' romance stories so far. [La'an wants to be with Kirk but that'd be cheating, Spock is cheating on T'Pring with Christine, Pike sleeps with another woman in 'Lift Us Where Suffering' despite having a girlfriend <- They COULD be open but I don't think this is explained. That's Five or Six characters involved in potential cheating and more if you count M'Benga wink-nudging Spock and Christine's relationship when he most likely knows Spock is engaged to T'Pring.] I just have no faith in SNW. It doesn't feel earnest, and it doesn't feel kind and I don't want to watch a show where they'll sacrifice someone's character at any time for an ultimately meanspirited joke.
#anti snw#Q&A#anon#& regarding La'an I was talking to a friend who told me that they basically#just took an Asian Male Stereotype: Unemotional Honor Bound Man and gave it to a woman instead - so yay progress#racial stereotypes are now gender neutral#also: I don't know for sure since I couldn't stomach whatever episode it was in but I've heard stuff about how they made#M'Benga like 'the most vicious killer in the army' or whatever for their war ptsd storyline bc of course they have a war ptsd storyline#against the klingons#and I don't like THAT because of how much black men are already feared and seen as inherently 'violent' and 'animalistic'#If you want to say 'it's to contrast how gentle he ACTUALLY is - war is hell v_v' then why not give that title of 'most brutal killer ever'#to christine???? I just don't feel like SNW is very thoughtful about real world issues and how they're reflected in their shows#or worse - they do recognize it and just don't care#Anson Mount is also a zionist so WHATEVER
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DON'T MANIFEST AKUTAGAWA'S FEELINGS BEING UNREQUITED WAGEHGAHTJSHHAJ
But does it count as manifesting if I'm just stating facts 🤔😔😔
#sskk#people asks me stuff#Jk. Or maybe not.#Idk I used to have a HUGE sskk-is-unrequited-love phase around June–#and in a way I still think as far as the manga events go Atsushi didn't feel anything but loathing for Akutagawa up to at least chapter 87#(While Akutagawa stopped hating Atsushi on the Moby Dick fight. C'mon guys. I've seen some.........#Questionable takes over who fell first in sskk recently. Do you really believe that Atsushi said to Akutagawa's face the words#“I think Dazai-san has recognized of you a long time ago” and Akutagawa didn't fall for him right there right now.)#But like... Okay I don't want to make this too big because there's so much to unwrap here and it wouldn't fit in the tags but#For how I see it. it's totally believable to read the manga thinking Akutagawa is in love with Atsushi. like seriously it's just there.#“As long as I can't deny your very being I'll never be able to move forward” “You know the reason yourself don't you”#“Is his life that precious to you” “From the beginning the hole was only for his ally to flee through”#I'm not making this stuff up I'm literally just reading the text#While Atsushi is just there being objectively the WORSE he's ever been with everyone @Akutagawa which is undeniably hilarious on one hand–#and tragically sad on the other. He really DOES NOT care about Akutagawa? He barely ever showed compassion towards him#Which tbh!! It's a lot and it... Doesn't particularly bother me‚ because even if negatively it does show Akutagawa is someone who's–#special for Atsushi#he's like no one else for him#and that's so juicy!!!#It's delicious to explore this hidden aspect of Atsushi's character through the effect Akutagawa has on him#And even though I believe Atsushi didn't love Akutagawa for the most time... There's still plenty of room for things to change.#We still have to see how he'll react to meeting him again. It's possible that Akutagawa's last deed might have changed the judgement–#Atsushi has on him‚ and I can't wait to find out! If anything‚ Akutagawa appeared in Atsushi's mind which is... Something
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.
#the thing is my mom carries so much pain inside her and i love her so much and she is wonderful#but at the same time there are things that i genuinely don't know if i can forgive. but she acts like there isn't anything#TO forgive which makes it worse#and whenever i bring anything up she doesn't change her behavior because she cannot recognize it when she's wrong about something#but she actually invalidates me a lot and i don't appreciate it and i KNOW i'm annoying about my special interests#but it really sucks that she makes it so obvious#like can't she pretend to be interested in what i want to tell her?? for once??#you'd think fifteen-plus years of her pretending i was perfectly okay would merit some infodumping on my part#it's just that she's never apologized for not doing anything to help me she's just made excuses and said 'well sorry but'#and that's not enough but at this point i'm not going to GET a genuine apology out of her#or out of my dad he isn't exempt from this!#like i'm scared to ask my dad if he's seen a movie i think he'd be interested in because i don't want to set her off#or deal with her disapproval. and she just doesn't care about my special interests at all#which i get but sometimes i feel like she doesn't really care that they make me happy either#like pretending that i'm not autistic now that i have shit figured out doesn't make it go away#it genuinely fucking sucks but i can't say anything to her because she can't cope with being wrong about anything. even jeopardy answers#this is why it means so much to me that you guys like when i infodump about old hollywood because no one else does#except my sister obvi but she does not live with me so#<333333#persannal
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If you think it's a personality trait or a good or even a neutral thing to hate children just fucking block me. You're pathetic and you don't even deserve for me to bother to argue with you. Enjoy your weird obsession with vilifying a group of people with next to no neurodevelopment or life experience I guess. The rest of us will be here having a real personality, a life, and being tolerable to be around.
i feel like a lot of the 'i hate kids' crowd would be more tolerant if they understood that due to a kid's limited experience of the world that 4 hour flight might just be the longest they've ever had to sit still for or that trapped finger might literally be the most pain they've ever felt in their short life or they might not have ever seen a person with pink hair ever so of course they want to touch it or nobody's told them yet that they can't run around the museum and they only just learned cheetahs are the fastest animals so of course they want to put that to the test. how were they supposed to know etc etc.
#Put me in a room with literally a million crying babies before one childhater#I have sensory issues due to my autism and low empathy from ASPD yet I can still recognize they deserve kindness and grace while they learn#like I am the exact type of person people expect to be a childhater but nope I have basic human decency#it's not hard to be annoyed with the noise without being a complete douchebag#if you can't handle being annoyed without whining why the hell should they be expected to handle their first experiences suffering quietly?#Sit in the corner and think about how goddamn ridiculous you sound#because it is the overgrown version of the same tantrum you're complaining about if not worse#and the childfree crowd is not who I'm talking about here#it's ok to say I don't think I could handle having kids or even just not want them for any reason#but not wanting to raise a tiny human is a lot different than despising them in their entirety#little kids are some of the most understanding and gentle people I've had the pleasure of meeting#nothing like working in a preschool to restore your faith that humanity isn't all bad#we get corrupted somewhere along the way because those kids were so kind to literally everyone#I miss working there and if my disabilities ever become manageable to the point where I can work I would love to go back to it#childhaters will never understand the purity of a kid who struggles to focus on a book spending 10 mins to find the PERFECT rock to give yo#or how much time and effort and care they put into the art that childhaters call just scribbles#sorry to rant it just breaks my heart because enough interactions with childhaters can break kids' spirit and self esteem#and there's no explaining to them the concept of people who hate because they have nothing better to do in life#so they think they did something wrong or worse that they are just bad and deserve that treatment#mibingo addon#mibingo vent#vent in the tags
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i don't know that i've personally known a man who made a good life decision for themselves, ever. i'm sure it happens, just not anywhere in my circles.
#except for the time my dad got my mom pregnant w me but that one's up for debate a lot#was talking to a str8 male friend who caught feelings for an avoidant woman#and normally i would try and warn him about the shitstorm to come#but what i've learned about men is women can't tell them fucking anything#they just do what they want to one way or another#in fact trying to offer advice makes it worse bc their egos flare up#so i just stfu and nodded a long fora bit then said his feelings were valid#and that was that#he will perish by his own sword sadly#i don't try to help or really support men the way i used to anymore even if i care abt them#they don't recognize the emotional labour we do so why do it exactly????
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im just like spongebob (employee of the month)
#trying to make a positive out of this <3 (guy who is handling this genuinely insanely and i mean that in the truest sense of the word)#i dont want it i keep telling people that and they keep reacting like im unwell or like its coming from a place of insecurity </3#i know what im capable of at my job! i dont need that validated! i do not care that much about my work unfortunately!#maybe ill be proud of it one day but as it is this feels like a fluke of offering to help the right people and pity#bc it IS a popularity contest and i dont want to win that. to be honest i dont know these people well and they do NOT know me#getting it just feels like a testament to how im killing myself for a job i hate because im too cowardly to leave#or to even just care a little less. ive tried to explain this to a few people and it has gone over like a sack full of concrete#which is even WORSE because i KNOW how intensely some of them want employee of the month and i was trying to#avoid telling them about it at all because i dont want it!!! they can have it!!! they dont need to hear what i feel about it (insulted)#because you would not believe this but telling someone who desperately wants employee of the month#that you don't want to receive it because it feels like a slap in the face does NOT GET RECEIVED WELL!!!!!#i dont wanna manage other peoples feelings about it im having enough trouble managing my own!!#i had to get called to a team huddle and lose time i couldnt afford to lose in my department that is still drowning incidentally#to be put on the spot and congratulated by people who dont know me and were confused by how miserable i looked#it was like a fucking nightmare!! i had to run out back and scream for a bit and cried so hard i strained my back#could barely stand for the rest of the day not that it mattered because i had no choice if i didnt want to completely fall behind#employee of the month. fuck. i never wanted to be recognized in the first place but if it feels like this then why would i want it!!!!
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What I Want You To Know About Long COVID
Well lads, I've been suffering from Long COVID for over a year now. My life is at a complete standstill. I'm 25 years old and I'm too sick to go back to school, I can't work, I had to move back in with my parents and I'm still stuck here.
Here are just a few things I wish people knew about Long COVID, including things I didn't know myself until I got it.
COVID destroys your immune system. Yes, even if you don't have Long COVID. Are you getting sick more often now? When you get sick, does it last longer? There are many studies showing that COVID causes t cell depletion, even in mild COVID cases! T cells are how your body remembers how to fight off infections you've had before so losing those cells? Bad news.
Your initial infection can be mild and you can still get Long COVID. Right from Yale Medicine, "Most people with Long COVID had mild acute COVID." (This is also a good link for a basic Long COVID overview).
There can be a gap of time between when you "get better" from the initial COVID infection to the onset of Long COVID symptoms. Some people get sick with an initial COVID infection and never get better. Some get better and then weeks or months later start developing Long COVID symptoms. Long COVID symptoms can even fluctuate over time, can go away for months and then suddenly come back.
So many people have Long COVID and don't realize it. Do you feel more tired lately but no matter how much you sleep, nothing helps? Is it harder to concentrate at work or school? Can you just not think like you used to? You could have Long COVID and not even know it. Even mild post-COVID symptoms are still Long COVID.
COVID can do anything to your body. Long COVID has over 200 recognized symptoms and can affect basically any part or system of your body. There is no one mechanism or cause of Long COVID which unfortunately also means there's no one cure either.
The effects of COVID are cumulative. Each COVID reinfection increases your chances of developing Long COVID. COVID is also affecting your body in other ways, yes, even if you're otherwise young and healthy! "Repeat COVID-19 infections increase risk of organ failure, death".
Once you have Long COVID, repeat COVID infections will make your symptoms worse. "80% [of Long COVID patients] saw their symptoms worsen [from reinfection]. In 60% of people who were in recovery or remission from Long COVID, reinfection caused a recurrence of Long COVID."
There is a lot more I want to say about Long COVID but I want to keep this post at least somewhat manageable to read. Like how when COVID is contracted during pregnancy, those COVID-exposed fetuses have a 6.3-fold increased risk of motor developmental delays, or that another study found 50% of babies exposed to COVID in utero had developmental delays.
You need to keep caring about COVID, for others around you and also for yourself even if you're "healthy". Everyone is at risk. And don't forget 40-60% of COVID infections are asymptomatic, which is why masking even if you feel fine is crucial. The only way right now to not get Long COVID is to not get COVID in the first place. It's not too late, if you've stopped masking it's never too late to start again! I know it's easy to get distracted by things in your life that seem more real than the possibility of getting sick some time in the future, and the peer pressure to not mask can be intense. But it only feels less real or less important until your entire life is having Long COVID. Trust me.
I know this is a complicated issue, many people can't afford to stay home when sick even if they want to because of their jobs, there are disgusting policies trying to ban wearing masks, but please if you can. Keep masking. Masking works, masking saves lives.
This post got a bit longer than I wanted so below the cut is a non-exhaustive list of my Long COVID symptoms and some of my experiences as one of the "healthy young people" who got "unlucky". cw brief mention of suicidal ideation.
Welcome to the Thunderdome that is my body with Long COVID. Keep in mind these are just my experiences and symptoms, Long COVID can cause any range of symptoms at varying severities.
Dysautonomia: Exercise intolerance, Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM), fatigue, and heat intolerance. What do those things mean? Here's some specific examples. Absolutely terrible circulation I am so cold all the time but also, if I get a little too warm I will pass out. Eating hot food makes my heart rate spike, I sweat, my body feels heavy. Blood pooling and pins and needles in my feet when I walk. Don't even think about exercising past walking, it's impossible. I used to work out an hour a day 4 times a week and now walking up one flight of stairs makes my heart pound and I can't breathe. Can't take even just warm showers anymore or I will pass out. Heat rashes from being in the sun for 10 minutes.
Digestive issues: Honestly too many to name but: constant bloating, extreme nausea, constipation, slow motility, lack of appetite, just so much cramping and pain. I lost 18 pounds from Long COVID, as someone who was already considered underweight their entire life, and almost had to get a shunt put into my chest to deliver nutrients because I was nearly completely unable to eat. For the first 6 months of Long COVID, if I could manage 600 calories a day, that was a good day.
Histamine intolerance: Oh boy. My worst symptoms, I don't even know where to start with it. If you know Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) it's very similar. I can only eat 19 foods. If i eat a single bite of something not on that list, it's 48 hours of absolute hell. Coughing, migraines, itchy eyes, such extreme nausea I cannot even describe it, panic/feeling of doom, racing heart rate, derealization, rash, uncontrollable muscle tremors. I only learned about histamine intolerance 5 months into having Long COVID so before that, I was experiencing these symptoms nearly every single day. Terrifying isn't even a strong enough word to describe how it felt to experience all this and have no idea what it was, how to stop it, or if it would ever stop. Really dark times.
Neurological issues: More of that derealization. Inability to concentrate. Anxiety. OCD-like symptoms such as thoughts getting "stuck" in my head, repeating 24/7 completely unable to stop them, genuinely felt like my brain had cracked open and I had lost my mind. Constant dizziness like I'm on a boat.
Sleep issues: I sleep like garbage. I have insomnia, I wake up dozens of times every night and every single time I sleep I have intensely vivid dreams. I can't sleep longer than 7 hours total no matter how exhausted I am. It is exhausting. I'm exhausted, I'm so so tired.
And finally. Just. Really intense suicidal ideation. My body, my health, my entire life has been stolen from me because someone else decided my life was worth less to them than wearing a mask or staying home if they feel sick. Before I got Long COVID, I was preparing to go to South Korea to teach English, then on to a PhD in neurolinguistics, I was supposed to meet my long distance partner and had already booked plane tickets when I got sick. All of that has been destroyed.
Most of us with Long COVID are stuck in a cycle of being extremely sick, then if you're lucky you'll slowly get better over months, just to get reinfected and go right back where you started or worse. Honestly, I'm not scared of dying from COVID. I'm scared of living for a long time, suffering from Long COVID the entire time. This isn't living.
I don't know how to end this now. I'm still fighting, I'm trying experimental treatments, I'm not giving up yet. I hope everyone reading this stays healthy and well.
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Don't eat anything else - DC X DP
Using this prompt
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Masterpost
Danny is sure that if it wasn't for his ghost side, he would have already died from malnutrition. Vlad, the monster he is, doesn't allow him to eat any meal without human meat. It's not that he isn't allowed vegetables, fruits, and animal byproducts, but every meal has human meat somehow. Vlad watches him with piercing eyes while he eats, making sure he doesn't avoid the meat.
He's gone days without eating just to avoid it, but eventually, he does have to eat. He has eaten human meat! He wonders if this is why Dan decided to renounce his human side.
Future Vlad had told him that Dan wanted to get rid of his ghost side due to his grief, but maybe Dan thought he would feel better about eating humans if he were a complete ghost. Danny could understand that, but he now knows it wouldn't work...
The Infinite Realms are full of different species, and the act of eating another species that's able to coexist with you in a society feels just as horrendous as cannibalism. Was finding this out what drove Dan mad?
He isn't getting much nutrition when he does eat either, not with him vomiting at least half the times he does. Not that Vlad cares about that;
"Ectoplasm will take care of your body while you stubbornness dies. I do think it would be easier for you if you just stopped being ridiculous and eat."
Ectoplasm and water are the only things he has free access too, and Danny hates how grateful he is for at least having that.
As if things couldn't be worse, he's also been forced to cook the meat. When he started learning how to cook with Tucker's mom, he never, never, would have imagined he would be using his abilities for this. He has grown numb to butchering human corpses…
Corpses are a frequent view in the kitchen. He's scared one day he'll recognize the face of one of them. Vlad knows it and uses to control him, telling him that if he doesn't behave, their next meal might be Tucker or Sam. He hates to admit how docile he's grown.
He hasn't seen Tucker, Sam, or anyone since the explosion in the lab took his family. Vlad doesn't allow him to leave the mansion for anything besides galas. He has him collared like a dog to prevent him from leaving. Except, his collar is a shock bracelet charged with blood blossoms that would inject into his wrist if he tries to escape.
He thought Vlad was bluffing and tried escaping once. His whole body felt like it was burning up in flames, and he wasn't able to move for a week. Vlad told him that next time, the dose would keep him in bed for a month. He hasn't tried escaping since.
He's still talking with them through chat. He doesn't know if Vlad knows, but he doesn't think he does; he told him his phone exploded with the lab. But he can't tell them anything. How could he? How is he supposed to tell them he has cooked humans? That he has eaten humans? That he has grown somewhat numb to it? He can't, and then he feels like he can't talk about anything else that is happening.
Today, as he serves the entrance dish to the first guests Vlad has had since he took Danny in, he forces a fake smile on his face. Inside, he feels a wave of nausea and dread as intense as the first time he was forced to eat human meat. The grotesque irony of presenting this dish, knowing what it contains, twists his stomach and makes his hands tremble ever so slightly.
They don't know. They have no idea that they're being served their own species. They don't know, and Danny is the one forced to make them eat their own kind.
The appetizer is a vegetable-based soup with barely any traces of meat, but the main dish features a full human fillet. The guilt and revulsion claw at his insides, nearly choking him. He has to at least stop them from eating that. He needs to get them out of here somehow. And maybe, just maybe, it’s time to try and put a stop to everything else. He can’t let this atrocity continue.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Tim didn't feel comfortable listening to Masters talk about how good the food would be, while Masters' heir served the appetizer with the fakest smile Tim had ever seen. The teen looked so clearly uncomfortable and scared around his guardian that it was hard to resist the urge to grab the boy and leave.
Masters had praised his godson’s cooking during the gala last week, all the while keeping a hand possessively on the teen’s shoulder. Tim didn't like how controlling it seemed, nor how the grip tightened when the teen mumbled quietly about his name being Danny. It was difficult to witness the entire interaction, especially as the teen appeared to fall into a state of complete dissociation afterward.
They were already planning to investigate Masters due to the suspicious nature of all his contracts, but after the gala, they had to shift their focus to helping the teen. They were fortunate that Masters had granted them easy access to his mansion with the invitation to try Danny's cooking.
They couldn't all go to Masters's and leave Gotham behind, so at the dinner, it was just Bruce, Cass, and Tim. Jason was also in the city because he refused to stay away from an obvious abuse case, but he wasn't allowed at the dinner. He would have attacked Masters just from seeing Danny’s uncomfortable stance under his hand during their greeting.
Masters had insisted that Danny serve the food since he had made it, and now Danny stood beside him, serving him the last plate of soup. Danny stumbled for a moment, and before Tim knew it, he was bathed in soup. Tim blinked, surprised at how the soup wasn’t as hot as he had expected, given the steam rising from the other plates.
"Daniel! What the hell are you doing!?"
Vlad exclaimed, standing up from his place, and the teen beside Tim paled.
“I—I am so sorry!” Danny apologized, using napkins to help clean off the soup, his hands slightly trembling. “Did you get burned?”
"No, no, don't worry about it. I'm okay."
"It isn't okay. Daniel, you ruined Mr. Drake's clothes!"
"Sorry... Let's- I think I have clothes that could fit you... So you could change?"
Oh, so that was why his soup wasn’t hot. Danny had poured it on him deliberately; he was trying to get him alone. Despite how scared Danny looked, it seems he still clung to the hope of escaping. Tim felt a surge of relief and determination. He was glad to see that Danny was looking for a way out, and this chance could be their opportunity to devise a plan.
"Thanks, I would appreciate that." he said as he stood from his sit. He saw how Masters was opening his mouth to say something, but Tim didn't want to risk loosing the opportunity. "Please, don't worry about it Mr. Masters, accidents happen, we'll be back in a moment."
Tim locked eyes with Bruce for just a second, a barely noticeable nod telling him Bruce trusted him to do this right. He then followed Danny through the mansion’s halls and up the stairs, noting that Danny’s bedroom was on the top floor. Danny kept his arms crossed, trying to make himself appear smaller.
"I'm really sorry Mr. Drake. I should have been more careful."
"It's okay really, and please, just call me Tim."
"Oh, um, thanks, but Vlad doesn't like nicknames... would- would it be okay to use Timothy instead?"
“… Yeah, sure.” It seemed Vlad controlled the way Danny was allowed to speak. “Would you mind if I call you Danny then?” Tim asked. He had been mentally referring to him as Danny since the gala and wanted to match that with his spoken words.
Danny shrank farther into himself, and Tim was about to retract his suggestion, but then a small smile appeared on Danny's face and he turned to look at Tim.
"Yeah, I would like that." Danny said in a hushed toned, and a hint of fears in his eyes. Like he was afraid to accept the suggestion.
Tim wondered if Masters had punished Danny for mumbling his preferred name at the gala. However, before he could dwell further on the types of punishments Masters might have used, Danny's eyes widened.
"Ancients, you even have soup on your hair-"
Despite Tim’s attempts to reassure him that everything was okay, Danny continued to apologize throughout the journey to his bedroom. Lamenting how foolish it had been to let the plate slip, and how he should have known better.
Danny’s constant self-reproach made Tim question whether he had misjudged the situation. Maybe it had been a genuine mistake. In theory, it wouldn't matter, because he got to talk alone with Danny either way, but he liked thinking that Danny was reaching out for their help.
Once in Danny's bedroom, Danny beelined to his closet to give Tim a change of clothes. Tim took the opportunity to look around. Danny's room was… impersonal. It was sophisticated and extravagant, like a room that would be featured in a magazine. Tim was sure Danny hadn't decided on the decor. He was surprised to see the bedroom had a large balcony connected to it. Maybe Masters trusted it was high enough for Danny not to attempt escaping through it?
"Would this outfit work for you?"
Danny was holding a suit similar to the one Masters had worn at a previous gala. Now that Tim paid attention to Danny's outfit, he noticed that Danny's clothes today were almost a smaller version of what Masters was wearing, with just enough differences to not be immediately recognized as the same. Thinking back to last weeks gala, their outfits were also similar. To what extent was Masters controlling Danny's life?
"Um... if you don't like it I can grab another one..."
Tim blinked, realizing he had just stared silently at Danny while he offered him the clothes.
"No, sorry, got lost in thoughts, I'm okay using those."
"Okay, I'm glad. Again, sorry for..." Danny motioned to Tims clothes "You can change in my bathroom over there." He pointed to a door beside the bed. "Maybe also take a shower?" Danny got a towel from his closet and offered it to Tim.
"Yeah a shower would be good." Tim said, taking clothes and the towel and entering the bathroom.
He'll talk with Danny once he was changed into clean clothes. If only to calm Danny's guilt about the incident.
Danny's bathroom was spacious, with a jacuzzi bathtub, a separate shower, and one of those popular bidet toilets. From an outside perspective it must look like Danny has anything he could want, but Tim knows better than anyone that money doesn't guaranty a good household. It's sad knowing that any CPS agent that did decide to look into this, would be easily push away by Masters money.
Once Tim had showered and changed clothes, he prepared to go back to the bedroom to talk to Danny, but before he did, a green glow from the corner of his eye caught his attention. Tim sucked a breath when he saw what it was. A syringe with traces of Lazarus waters and blood sat beside the sink.
"Timothy? Everything okay in there? Did the clothes don't fit?"
Tim took a photo of the syringe and sent it to the group chat with the caption, "We may have to add experimentation to Danny's abuse." After taking a sample, he decided to leave the syringe behind, considering the possibility that Masters might use the same syringe more than once and notice its disappearance. He really hoped to get Danny out of there that same day, but if they couldn't, he didn't want to make things more difficult for him.
"Everything is okay! I'll be out in a second."
Tim took one last look around while picking up his dirty clothes, just in case he found anything else. When he left the bathroom, Danny was waiting for him, shifting nervously from side to side. It was time to talk to him.
"Danny, look, I wanted to talk-"
"Ah, let me take your clothes! I'll make sure to clean them and get them back to you!" Danny interrupted him, grabbing his arm and shaking his head with a pleading look.
Tim looked incredulous at Danny for a second, before he realized what was happening and mouthed. "Your bedroom is bugged." He hadn't meant it as a question but Danny had nodded anyway. It was fucked up, Danny couldn't even talk confidently in his own bedroom?
"Right, thank you Danny. I would appreciate that. Perhaps we could take the opportunity to meet again in the future."
Danny gave him the look an adult might give a naive child when talking about an unreachable fantasy, and Tim couldn't help but frown at it. Did Danny believe that even seeing them again was too out of reach?
"That would be great, I'll talk with Vlad about the possibility."
Tim was going to say something else to try to reassure Danny that they would be able to meet, but Danny just handed him two pieces of paper. One was unfolded with text on it, and the other was folded into a small square, smaller than his pinky. He read the unfolded paper first.
- Don't eat anymore of the food. Pretend to have some sort of family emergency and leave, please. Read the other paper when you're far away. -
Tim looked at Danny with questioning wide eyes, but Danny just gave him another pleading look. Tim took a deep breath and took a photo to the paper and sent it to the group chat.
"Oh common, aren't you a little old to ask your guardian about every little meet up you have?" (Would you leave with us?)
Danny gives a nervous chuckle.
"Maybe, but after my family, Vlad tends to be really protective, you know?" He said while pointing to his bracelet.
Tim hadn't noticed how tick the bracelet was before. It was metallic, with a red liquid line in the middle.
"Shock bracelet?" He mouthed.
Danny nodded and then mouthed, "if I scape, it poisons me."
Tim pales a bit at that. They had underestimated how dangerous Masters was.
He motioned to his phone and took a photo of the bracelet after Danny nodded and sent to the group chat with the caption: "Shock bracelet with the capacity of poisoning Danny. We won't be able to get him out right now."
"We should probably go back with the others now."
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
Group chat
Coffee is my life: *Photo of the syringe*
Coffee is my life: We may have to add experimentation to Danny's abuse.
Death boy walking: Fuck!
Death boy walking: @ Adoption addict, we have to get the kid out of there now!
Bones? What bones?: Bruce is entertaining Masters with Cass at the moment little wing.
Bones? What bones?: I doubt he'll read this.
The blood son: There's no way that buffoon has any relation with grandfather. He's company does not follow any of the leagues morals.
Light & shadow: Maybe he found another Lazarus pit?
Light & shadow: They're supposedly naturally formed right? It shouldn't be that crazy for someone out of the league to have one.
Computer genius: It might not even be Lazarus waters. The tone is slightly off.
The blood son: It is possible that it is a different variation of dionesium.
Death boy walking: Who cares? He's injecting the kid with that thing!
Not Bruces kid: Hate to say it but the zombie is right, we can find what exactly when Danny is safe.
Coffee is my life: *Photo of paper with text*
Light & shadow: ????
Light & shadow: Is the food poisoned!?
Computer genius: Already told them through comms to not eat anymore food.
Computer genius: If the food is poison it hasn't affected them yet.
Light & shadow: Do you guys have a way to deal with the poison there?
Bones? What bones?: Don't worry Bruce doesn't go anywhere without the poison antidote kit.
Death boy walking: Of course he doesn't. The paranoid bastard.
The blood son: It isn't paranoia if the danger is real Todd.
Computer genius: I'll call Bruce in 10 to pretend a family emergency.
Death boy walking: You are NOT going without Danny!
Bones? What bones?: Any possibility on taking Danny with you @ Coffee is my life?
Coffee is my life: *Photo of bracelet*
Coffee is my life: Shock bracelet with the capacity of poisoning Danny. We won't be able to get him out right now.
Not Bruces kid: WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTF
Not Bruces kid: Wasn't this a low stakes rescue???
Not Bruces kid: Why is this man coming up with plans in the big villain category?
Light & shadow: I'm scared of whatever "the other paper" that Danny gave Tim says.
Light & shadow: Wouldn't be surprised if Masters was connected with a trafficking ring.
Bones? What bones?: @ Death boy walking?
Bones? What bones?: You're too silent...
Bones? What bones?: Remember you won't be able to barge in without putting Danny in danger.
Death boy walking: I ALREADY KNOW THAT DICKFACE.
The blood son: Tt, don't be so surprise by the warning Todd.
The blood son: Your past actions have prove it necessary.
Death boy walking: Shut the fuck up demon brat. You're not one to talk.
... The blood son is writing ...
Light & shadow: Everyone have had their outburst of bad decisions.
Light & shadow: Can we go back to Danny?
Light & shadow: How likely do you think it is that he's a meta?
Light & shadow: Because, I think it's pretty high.
Not Bruces kid: Did you see something strange in him on the gala?
Light & shadow: No, but the bracelet are pretty similar to the meta-suppressors collars I've seen in the past.
Computer genius: I'm calling Bruce right now.
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
next part
#dp x dc#dc x dp#dcxdp#dpxdc#Wow#it just kept growing#Didn't expect it to get this long#It was going to be much longer#But I realized it was probably better to separate it into a second part#Danny's parents and sister died when the lab exploded#Danny's suspects the explosion wasn't as random as it seemed#Before it happened Vlad had invited Maddie out to “prepare a surprise party for Jack”#Danny is sure the explosion was another attempt to kill Jack#This one succeeded but also took Maddie#Jack#and Jazz#Danny didn't know Vlad was a Cannibal#He knew he was a frutloop#But he never would have imagined this#Vlad wants Danny to be his perfect son *cough* mini copy *cough*#That includes Danny following his same diet
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what goes bump in the night | s.r.
in which Spencer's struggling with violent nightmares after prison, and you find yourself on the receiving end of his tossing and turning
who? spencer reid x fem!reader category: angst content warnings: reader gets whapped in the face. don't like don't read, please. blood, prison arc, black eye, a lot of guilt. therapy. word count: 1.89k a/n: (this wasn't a request but shout out to the anon who told me i had to repost this after i deleted it) this is some dark shit but i have to admit i do think about the possibility a lot. take care while reading my loves.
Several years in the BAU had inadvertently trained you to wake up at any slight movement or noise. While some might call it paranoia, you considered it to be a finely tuned skill.
Spencer didn’t sleep talk before prison, and even now, he only mumbled in his sleep when he was having a nightmare. Normally, he didn’t move, he just tossed his head around and begged for whoever he was seeing in his nightmare to just hold on. Tonight was different, he sounded like he was pleading for someone to leave him alone, and he was thrashing more than usual.
You knew there was a risk of waking him, but you reached out and gently shook his shoulder anyway. “Spence,” you whispered, not wanting to hurtle him out of his darkened dreamscape.
There was no response. No sign of him coming even close to waking up.
His thrashing became worse, and his mumbling became even less intelligible like something was covering his mouth in his dream. Reaching out from your side of the bed, you tried to grab his hand, hoping it would be something that he could use to ground himself. Gripping his hand, you said his name again, more forcefully this time.
The pain didn’t even register at first. The first thing you recognized was the sensation of having something stuck in your eye, a small twinge in the outer corner that sent your hands flying to the side of your face.
Oh.
With your uninjured eye, you looked up to see Spencer, awake. Breathing heavy, sure, but awake. Very slowly, his breathing slowed, but he had seemingly forgotten that he was sharing a bed with you until you felt liquid trickling from your nose and scrambled to the bathroom before you got blood all over the sheets.
His wide eyes followed your shadow through the bedroom, putting the convoluted puzzle pieces together as he came out from under his nightmare-induced fugue state only to find a different type of panic. You faintly heard him curse and rustle the sheets as you shut the bathroom door harder than you intended.
You looked at yourself in the mirror, your right eye was tearing up as a result of the impact, and your nose was trickling blood down your face. Grabbing a wad of tissues from the box on the counter, you pressed them to your nose, blinking the tears from your eyes to the sound of your heart beating through your chest.
Spencer knocked on the bathroom door, followed by a larger thud that you assumed was him leaning his head against the door. “Can I come in?”
You tried not to sniff, hating the sensation of your nose being covered, you responded, “It’s your bathroom.” Your tone was far too blasé, and Spencer was going to see through it immediately.
“That’s not what I asked,” he told you, a slight tone of desperation ringing through. You knew what he wanted to know; he was asking if you were comfortable with him being in the same room as you – if you’d feel safe with him in the same room as you.
Leaning your head back, you took as deep of a breath as your body would physically allow you before you answered, “Yeah, you can come in.”
Before you had even finished speaking, Spencer had opened the door to the bathroom, letting the light stream into the bedroom, “Fuck,” he murmured when he saw you, “Hey, don’t lean your head back. You don’t want the blood to run down your throat.”
“Okay,” your voice quavered, watching him lift his hands like he wanted to guide your head down until he realized he didn’t know what to do with his hands – he couldn’t bring himself to touch you. Leaning over the sink, you let coagulated blood fall from your mouth, watching it go down the drain before you looked up at Spencer, who watched on in horror at the mess he had created. “Can you grab more tissues?” You asked him, giving him a job to busy his idle hands.
Instantly, Spencer grabbed a handful of tissues and held them out for you, within your range of motion. Still leaning over the sink, you took the new tissues and held them to your nose, haphazardly dropping the soiled tissue in the basin beneath you. “I don’t… What-“
Cutting him off, you spoke, “Do you still have those ice packs? The first aid ones from last year,” you made a new request, giving him a job to perform so that he wouldn’t apologize to you. He’d apologize until he was blue in the face, but you still wouldn’t know how to respond.
He nodded, crouching in front of one of the cabinets and filtering through a first aid kit, hoping to produce a disposable ice pack for you to place near your eye. With the timidness of a newborn foal, Spencer set the plastic on the counter next to you.
Your boyfriend watched as you carefully peeled the tissues from your face, checking to see if the bleeding had stopped, only to quickly replace the tissue when you noticed a trickle of fresh blood making its way down your philtrum. “Aren’t you supposed to pinch it or something?”
“Yes, you can pinch the bridge of your nose to staunch the bleeding,” Spencer said, grabbing your discarded Kleenex and putting them in the garbage bin. He watched intently as you reached up your free hand to pinch your nose, “Does… does it hurt?”
Giving him a quick shake of the head, you met his eyes through the mirror, “I don’t think it’s broken,” you told him, avoiding answering most of his question.
He loosed a sigh of relief, “Thank god,” he murmured, keeping an eye on you as you wondered how terrified he must have been to invoke the name of a deity he didn’t believe in.
Once you were finally able to drop the last of the tissues in the sink, you were faced with an even worse reality. There was no way of escaping the black eye that you already had forming, the tender skin would be further marred with time. “I think it looks worse than it actually is,” you offered meekly, reaching to your side and grabbing the ice pack off of the counter. You popped the center of it before wrapping it in a towel that Spencer had set out for you.
Holding in a hiss as the towel touched your face, you allowed your eyes to wander across the rest of your body. Your shirt had drips of blood on it, but the larger issue was red encrusted all over your face. With the urgency of a sloth, Spencer took a different towel from the drawer and ran it under the tap, wringing it out before holding it up, “May I?”
“Yeah,” you breathed, thankful for your newly cleared airway as you extended your neck, giving him the access he needed to wipe the blood from your chin and neck. “Spence-“
“I’m so sorry,” he interjected, his movements faltering as he let his hand drop to your shoulder.
You shook your head, crinkling the icepack in your hand, you blinked rapidly, hoping to clear your vision. “It’s okay, I shouldn’t have grabbed you,” you told him, it was the truth. He had obviously been having a violent nightmare, and you grabbing him had likely triggered a fight or flight response.
Spencer sighed dejectedly, “I burst a blood vessel in your eye. I’m so…” his voice trailed off in the middle of his sentence, leaving you unsure whether he was going to apologize again or go off on a self-deprecating tirade. “I hit you,” he breathed, abruptly yanking his hands away from you, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have touched you.” Setting the washcloth on the counter, he put his hands up in surrender and stepped away from you.
Leaning against the bathroom counter, you wished for an inkling – anything you could say to him that would prevent his auto-villainization. “I wish you wouldn’t say it like that. Saying you hit me sounds so…”
“Wrong? That’s because it is,” he said harshly, and you could almost see the storm of self-loathing that was brewing in his mind.
Shaking your head, you adjusted your grip on the icepack before looking up at him, “but it makes it sound like it was intentional. You didn’t hit me, you… thwapped me.”
Spencer loosed a shaky sigh, “I’m not so sure that’s better.”
“Would you prefer bonked?” You proposed, looking at him and hoping for a small smile, but being disappointed when you were met with the same haunted expression. “It was an accident,” you insisted, reaching out your unoccupied hand and taking his hand in yours, “I am fine.”
He scoffed dismissively, “I should have had a better handle on myself.”
You frowned, “You were asleep, Spence. You couldn’t have had a better handle on yourself. It wasn’t on purpose, and you’re taking care of me now,” you told him softly.
“But you’re scared of it happening again,” he challenged you.
When he had come home, you knew he had been changed. Not necessarily for the better or for worse, but he was most certainly changed. You had heard everything in bits and pieces, what had happened in Millburn, what had happened with Cat, but nothing had prepared you for the harshness of your new reality. He was capable of harming others, but that didn’t mean you thought he’d hurt you again. “You’re disappointed in yourself, but you don’t believe you get to feel that way. You’re projecting onto me,” you told him, taking your hand back.
Spencer flinched back, “Don’t profile me.”
“You, Spencer Reid, would never knowingly lay a hand on me,” you insisted, you believed it. You believed it even if he didn’t believe it himself.
The two of you sat in an angst-filled silence before he stood up straight, gently starting to usher you into the bedroom. Handing you a t-shirt from your drawer to change into, you could see his internal struggle as he grabbed a pillow from the bed and made his way toward the door.
Despondently, your shoulders slumped forward, “Where are you going?” You asked softly, hating to watch him leave your shared bedroom over this.
“I’m sleeping on the couch. I’m gonna… I’ll try to set up a meeting with my therapist in the morning. I just…” his voice trailed off as he looked at you with wide, sad eyes, “You’re okay?”
Your heart ached at his voice as you nodded, opening your arms for him and letting out a sigh of relief when he returned to you for a hug. Reaching your free hand behind him, you rubbed his back comfortingly, “We’re going to make it through this, mark my words.”
He nodded in affirmation as he pulled away, “For my own peace of mind, I’ll sleep on the couch for a while.”
You accepted it, knowing that he needed to deal with this in his own way, he closed the door behind him, effectively leaving you alone. Laying back on the pillows with your icepack still clutched to your face, you sighed, wondering how long it had been since your boyfriend felt any semblance of peace of mind.
#criminal minds#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#criminal minds fanfic#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid angst#criminal minds fanfiction#spencer reid x you#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fic#criminal minds fic#criminal minds angst#spencer reid x fem!reader#written by margot
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MISC SENTENCE STARTERS WITH A DASH OF ANGST
❝ i can't even say he deceived me. i knew exactly what he was and i jumped in anyway. ❞
❝ i think eventually i got so used to the chaos and the pain and the toxicity i began to look for it. ❞
❝ i never got a chance to discover myself. i never had that privilege. ❞
❝ you can tell me anything. i mean i can't promise i'm good at keeping secrets, but i'm a hell of a listener. ❞
❝ no one wants to yearn anymore. ❞
❝ i'm doing some of my best work here and you don't even have the decency to roll your eyes at me. honestly it's hurtful. ❞
❝ i know what you're thinking. ❞
❝ if i ask for your help are you gonna make a big deal out of it? ❞
❝ can we just be normal for like two seconds for once. ❞
❝ i would say i don't know what's wrong with you but i actually do and that's the problem. ❞
❝ against my better judgement i trust you and i think that says a lot about the state of the world right now. ❞
❝ i don't actually care but i'm bored so i'm here. ❞
❝ last time i listened to you we almost died. ❞
❝ i would've come sooner. i would've been here if you'd only asked. ❞
❝ i don't want to hurt anymore. ❞
❝ you don't have to hurt anymore. you can let go of those burdens. ❞
❝ it'd be a lot easier if i actually cared as little as i pretend to. ❞
❝ i do need you. i wouldn't be here if i didn't. ❞
❝ sometimes you don't know it's wrong until it's too late. sometimes you don't know you're being hurt until you realize you're in pieces. ❞
❝ pretending you don't need people doesn't make you strong it just makes you a jackass. ❞
❝ you're gonna be okay. eventually. but first you gotta not be okay for a while. it's gotta suck so you can actually recognize when you're alright again. ❞
❝ you shouldn't have said that. ❞
❝ sometimes i wish they had done something worse. then it'd justify how hard it's been to get over it. ❞
❝ i wish you actually understood me. ❞
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MDNI 🔞
I'm no writer but if someone wanted to give life to my ghost cod prompt feel free to do so I just request to be tagged so I can read it anywho onto the prompt
Ok imagine you're transferred to the 141 and ghost being ghost he immediately dislikes you and no matter how hard you try you'll never get his approval but after a particularly rough training session you end up sleeping together and you think "oh he likes me" except he treats you the same if not worse then before so you decide to stop trying with him then you miss your period and yup you're pregnant but you think if you told ghost he'd tell you to get rid of it or tell you to figure it out yourself because he won't be helping so you decide not to tell him you go to price and request a transfer to a new position or to be medically discharged and just disappear dont even say goodbye to ghost because why would he care right? Then after a few months you're settled into your apartment you get a knock on the door and when you look you see a large blonde man with a clipboard outside assuming it's maintenance to fix your ac or something (because ghost is so mean he'd never taken off his skull mask around you not even to kiss you) so you open the door and he immediately smiles seeing your bump and before you can even greet him hes pushing you back into the apartment closing the door and says "did you really think you could run away and I just wouldn't find out" and you immediately recognize his voice and a wave of fear rushes over you except he's so so sweet and gentle especially as he grabs you and presses his lips to yours holding you in his big strong arms only pulling away to greet your belly "can you believe mama thought she could keep you secret from me? Don't worry little one" he says while caressing your stomach while you stand there utterly confused at his complete shift in behavior "daddys not going anywhere" that's when you try to move away "ghost I'm sorry I thought you wouldn't want her since you hated me so much" he looks you in your eyes moving to hold you again "Simon" "what" "m'names Simon" hes holding you so lovingly its completely foreign "an I could never hate you"
And then they get married and live happily ever after or however yall want it to end lol
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Smalltown!Neglected!Meta!Reader x Yandere!Batfam ☁️ Part Eight
☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️
Part One ☁️ Part Two ☁️ Part Three ☁️ Part Four ☁️ Part Five ☁️ Part Six ☁️ Part Seven
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A/N: I think I went too hard on this, but I also feel like it wasn't enough. I really wanted to play around with dialogue more. I was going to have the Bats hit Smalltown in this, but I think it would be best if the confrontation(s) had it's own chapter. Let me know what y'all think!
A/N: This is my longest writing yet. Just a heads up. Hope that's all good!
Warnings: Yandere themes, alluded murder, platonic bed sharing, OC usage.
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The way the raindrops on the windshield seemed to chase each other didn't even registered to you as your heart continues to palpitate in your chest. Your hands shaking on the steering wheel as the numbers on the mile markers continued to change, and they weren't growing any steadier with each passing one. The way the excitement to gyrated inside your chest as the old truck continued on the patch-work road made you feel lightheaded. Not in a bad way, but in a way you could get addicted to.
It didn't stop the nausea curdling in your stomach, but you chalk that up to this being your first true act of rebellion. Even if you felt it was justified. It wasn't like they were going to chase after you, though. They had made their priorities clear. Clear as Gotham's smog filled skies. You weren't going to allow yourself to waste away in that manor filled with more secrets than people when there was a life outside of it that you had once been a part of.
It wasn't until you were certain a full day had past that the storm had finally dissipated, both over Gotham and over your mind. The trepidation in your belly at long last fading into a sense serenity. Even if it was only a fleeting thing. Water rarely stays still for long when the storm comes.
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Back in Gotham the family had finally dragged their bone-weary selves back to the cave. Some collapsing in the nearest got. Some dragging themselves upstairs for their comfort of their bed. But, surprisingly, it's Damian that drags himself to your room. The past two days had worn him down and he just wanted his sibling, even if it meant disturbing them. Even if they were mad at him.
It doesn't register to him that your bed is empty. That some of your things are missing. He crawls under the covers and curls into the pillow like a temperamental cat. Resting his eyes temporarily he says. You're his sibling, you shouldn't mind. (He had heard you laughing on the phone about how your other little brother used to do this on occasion. He wants to know what that’s like)
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As everyone rest their heads back home, unaware that the worse was yet to come even after the lighting had passed, you start to turn down familiar roads. Roads you had memorized every bump of once. The roads that lead you towards a home you had missed and things you used to know.
There's a few new bumps and pot holes that you don't recognize, but you're too excited to see them as the warnings they were.
As you pull into the driveway of Nana and Grand Daddy's house, you can see Nana standing outside. Waving for you in front of the two-story bedroom house Daddy had designed and built for them years ago. The place was well cared for despite the creaky steps on the front porch that you had spent many hot summers on. Blowing snow across the yard to keep cool.
When you finally park the truck and hop out Nana's already rushing towards you with surprising speed for her old age. Already your arms are opening for her when she suddenly scoops you up and locks you in an tight embrace.
"I missed you." You mumble into her shoulder. Trying to fight back a few tears as the scent of her bitter perfume fills your nose.
"I missed you more. We all missed you more, sugarplum." You hear the gravel in her voice as she gives you one last squeeze. Holding you so tight that for a moment you feel you can't breath. But, before you need to gasp for air, she pulls back slightly. Her aged brown eyes looking you over appraisingly. "You sure ya' don't wanna rest up a bit? You look thin, sweetpea."
A soft noise escapes your lips in a puff.
"I'm sure. Still too wired from the drive." You reply as you wipe those few stray tears that somehow trickled down your cheeks. Your best efforts to keep them contained failing.
Everything around you feels different. It's home, but there's something about it that is different. The smells are the same, the sights are the same, even the sounds are the same. But, you chalk it up to the way the Gotham air still clings to your skin and the silence of the manor that has left your ears sensitive to the slightest shifts in change.
"I… I kinda feel bad about leaving how I did." Comes your immediate confession as she continues to hold you like you're made of soft gold.
Even if it seemed unnecessary to say, it felt nice just to blurt out how you were feeling to someone who actually listened. Besides, Nana had always made you tell her what was bothering you if there ever was something. It was a habit to tell her things by now.
"Leaving Gotham, I mean…. running away in the night without warning, Nana."
"Nonsense, baby." Already she's brushing your cheek and trying to soothe the worry and fear. Holding your face between her hands so all you can focus on is her.
"You ain't done not a thing wrong. They was being unreasonable. Besides, you can just call them later and tell them your alright." For a moment, you feel like she's lecturing you. Like she used to when you where little. About being safe and staying near her at all times when you went out into town with her. But, now you're grown and she still does it.
"Are you sure, Nana? Because I know You, and Momma, and Daddy used to get on to me about asking permission before doin' things-"
"Ah-ah," She irrupts your before you could finish, "This is one of those incidents where it's better to ask for forgiveness, I promise. Besides, I know you asked first. Not your fault they was being unreasonable. Not your fault at all, baby." Nana's voice going from stern to a soft coo as she starts to lead the way into the old house.
You take a breath of the place, smelling the seasonal candles that you usually had lit this time of year. Noting the slight changes in decor. Projects that Nana probably had Grand Daddy completing while you were gone. There's even more pictures on the walls. Some more of Momma and Daddy, and even more of you. Nana had even printed out the ones you had sent her on your phone while you where in Gotham.
It was nice she missed you so much that she made you the center piece of the picture gallery, but still it felt odd. You had been hoping to see more pictures of your brother, Jean Luke. To actually see what memories he had made without you. But, you don't comment. You just head towards the kitchen. Sitting in your usual spot at the counter to continue talking with her.
You can smell her cooking. Nana really wasn't the best cook, but she went all out making a few of your favorite dishes with as much effort as she could muster out of her bones.
"So, how's Lukie been doing?" You mean to start conversationally, but your tone drifts to sounding more concern when the reminder about the lack of pictures on the wall crosses your mind and the thought that maybe he actually hasn't been coping well since you’ve been gone pops into your head as well. "I know what he tells me. That he's doin' fine when we’re on the phone, but how is he actually doing, Nana?"
"He's doing better." She replies while checking the oven, a slight sigh in her voice. She caught your tone of concern. "Still misses your Momma and Daddy. Bless. But, he's doing better. He'll probably feel ever better now that your back." She gives you a grin before sliding you a cutting board and a knife.
Already you fall into step, peeling and chopping the things she hand you.
"I'm not actually back, back." You mention, biting your lip when you catch her freeze.
"What you mean, baby?" Her soft voice doesn't match her tense shoulders. The lines on her face growing taunt.
"Well, it's just I kinda feel bad about how I left things with Bruce and 'em. And, I still gotta finish high school." You start to explain. It is true. You had a whole day to try to think about your actions. Getting out of Gotham had helped you process your feelings about the place. You still didn't like Gotham, but you'd been told all your life that family was important. You just didn't know that the family that had told you that wanted you to put them before all others.
"Oh, baby, you won't be needing none of that. Besides this is where you belong. We need you here. Them city folks just don't understand you, baby." You're about to protest when she continues on just before your lips could part to speak.
"Besides, Tanner's really been missin' you. He about turned himself into a frog when Mae showed him a picture of you in that pretty little outfit she made for ya’. The boy about croaked." Nana gives you that meddlesome look you knew to well. The one she gave you when she spoke about her church friend's grandson's. The one that always made you bush.
It was a clever distraction, and not at all a lie. Nana had watched Tanner turn green with envy at the sight of you in that dress and with your date. And, he about sang when he heard about your date's death right after. The town all had to forcefully stop him from driving back to Gotham to just to comfort you.
"Nana, you're being silly again. He don't like me like that." You brush off the flush with practiced easy, giving her a stern look of your own.
"Things change, baby. You're grown now. Everything's gonna be different, but just the same." She muttered that last part so low you could hardly hear it. Just as your about to question that statement, she changes topic once more.
"Now, you wanna stay we me and your Grand Daddy tonight?" The question stunning you for a second. You hadn't even thought about where you were going to stay when you started your way back here. But, the longing creeps back into your chest once more.
"Actually, I want to stay at the old house. I- I miss my own bed." You once again find yourself confessing, though it goes much deeper than that. Nana likes it when you let her see even surface level things, usually she's able to draw the proper conclusions from them. However, this time Nana tenses for the briefest moment, but then relaxes almost instantly after. You nearly miss it.
"Of course, baby. Of course. Take Lukie with you. It'd do him some good and I'd hate for you to be alone all up in there. The loneliness might get to ya." She seemed to place a bit too much emphasis on bringing your brother with you. But, you weren't going to complain.
After all, "It already got to me, Nana. It already got to me." You whisper to yourself before letting Nana regale you with all the latest town gossip.
It's not long until you're making plans to help set up for your brother's and by extension your own birthday tomorrow. Happily chatting away until Grand Daddy and Jean-Luke walk in the door.
Instantly, receiving a soft kiss on the forehead from Grand Daddy along with a tight grip on your shoulders and a firm, "Missed you, sugarplum." Before he slowly lets you free to help Nana and quite speaking to her.
You turn to your brother, little Jean-Luc, and reach for him with the swiftness of a breeze. He seems to hesitate before returning your hug with an almost intense ferocity that strangely makes you think of your last hug with Dick. Like he doesn't want to let go. Like he's almost scared to let go.
You let him hold you a good long while, standing there in the kitchen. It should feel like a relief to hold him again. Yet, you have the sudden urge to carry him away. Something that makes the winds inside your chest tell you to flee. You mange to swallow it down, but not the tears. Those freely pour down your cheeks as you both whisper about how much you missed each other back and forth. You notice how oddly quite he is. It's easy to blame that on the grief you both still feel, but it's different.
Sitting at the table and enjoying the meal feels different. Everything is different. Including the way Jean-Luke grips your hand when you tell him your going to stay at the old house and how he can come if he wants.
You almost want to laugh at how fast he leaps into the front seat of the truck. The grin on his face the most genuine you've seen since you got here.
Driving up to the old house made you ache. A deep ache that you felt from you chest to your palms. The dirty from the buried grief you felt being disturbed. As you glanced at your little brother’s face, the one that looked so much like Momma’s, you could tell he felt it too. Which bothers you because he shouldn’t have had to bury his grief like you did yours.
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Back at the manor, in the short time it had been since Damian rested his head on your pillow. He noticed it was too still. You were always moving in the manor. Always breezing through the halls. Yet now things had gone still. Not just in your room, but through out the manor.
His green eyes had opened, and sharpened. You should be here resting with him. Where were you? He hadn't bothered to keep track of your belongings before, but some things felt out of place. After a brief scan of the room, he made his way towards the cave. His senses on high alert for you. Straining to overhear your usual chattering on the phone or your pattering feet on the carpeted halls.
But, there was nothing. Most everyone was asleep or dozing and the stillness bothered him. The cooling realization filled him with each step as he walked down into the cave.
Sitting at the computer, Bruce goes over the footage of the previous nights. The storm was suspicious, and the churning in his gut and the way his hair stood on end didn’t help those suspicions. But, when Damian had entered the cave, those suspicions went from whispers to screams.
"Damian, get everyone to the cave. Now."
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"Missing? What the hell do you mean missing?" Dick was the first to respond to the news, standing at attention and livid despite having recently been woken up by an anxious Damian. Well, as anxious as Damian would physically allow himself to be in front of anyone.
"Damian brought it to my attention and the truck is gone from the garage." Bruce replied. Normally, this would sound like his usual paranoia flaring, but no one questioned him this time. Just the grim look on his face and the way his shoulder's tensed let everyone know that this was a completely serious matter.
Exhaustion immediately melting form everyone as the mission suddenly shifted.
"Barbara, pull up the manor security cameras from the night first night of the storm."
She speedily rolled her chair over to the computer and started pulling up the footage. It was only because she had years to develop her self control that her fingers didn't shake as she typed on the keys.
I should have been watching them. I should have checked on them.
The footage begins to show the exact moment that their sweet sibling left their room with a large bag of their shoulder and a excited grin on their face.
Why are you smiling like that? Why are are you happy to be leaving them? Why are you leaving? Why are you leaving?
A million thoughts flash through each of their heads. All filled with variations of despair and worry. Those are quickly amplified when the camera video finally goes out due to the multiple lighting strikes that hit the manor and the generators.
"They left right when the manor's and cave's generator were hit." Tim jumps in into detective mode right away, not wanting to linger on the disparaging thoughts in his head. And, the budding anger in his chest for allowing this to happen. And, for you leaving them. Him.
"Why are their eyes glowing?" Duke points out, coming out of his head finally when his eyes catch the flicker of a glow on the screen. It was a blessing that the cameras were so state of the art.
"What?" That snaps everyone else out of their heads. All of them moving behind Barbara to see what he's talking about.
"Their eyes," He bends forward of the keys, lightly pressing his finger to where you face is on the high definition screen. "They're glowing."
"Babs…" Dick murmurs into her left ear, his eye's never leaving your frozen smiling face.
"On it." She nearly hisses right back. Fingers actually shaking this time as she zooms into your face and changes a few setting of the camera to see the light waves that were captured.
And, right there on the screen, was the hint illumination in those large eyes of yours.
"Holy shit, you're right." Stephanie is the first to speak. Stumbling back as she starts running a million different scenarios through her head. The other's following. Some still sitting enraged or worried about what this might possibly mean.
Possible hypothesises start being blurted out.
Mind Control?
Hypnosis?
Magic?
God, I hope not.
Aliens?
Even worse than the magic.
"Maybe someone from that town manipulated them?" Cassandra suddenly suggests, having silently watched the footage of you play over and over again. You looked excited, genuinely excited, and it broke her heart that you did. But, there was a part of her that was still hopeful. That maybe you left because you didn't know any better. Didn't realize how much they adored you. They'll fix that. They fix that as soon as they get you back.
"Was anything tampered with when that asshole dropped off the truck?" Jason grumbles while rubbing the bridge of his nose. Of course he is livid. You fucking left. Sure, he liked putting the fear of God into you and could even tell you were unhappy at times, but you're an idiot if you think it's safe out there. And, you need to come home. Fuck, he'll even apologize and make up for scaring you. Please, just come back.
"No." Tim knows this because he made sure to check. Bruce may not have wanted to touch the truck and forbid them from messing with it. But, that didn't stop Tim from snooping on you at the very least. He just wanted to pretend he was in your fondest memories. Only until he could help you make newer better ones.
"Maybe a drug? Some chemical compound?" Duke eventually suggest, praying it isn't so.
"We could run a test? Just to check." Already Barbara begins pulling up the programs necessary, while Tim sets up the lab equipment. Dick is already running up to your room to grab any strand of hair he can find that might have been left behind. And, maybe checking to see if they were all wrong and you really didn't leave them. Him.
"Run them all."
That draws everyone's attention back to Bruce. The man had been standing stoically in silence. Brooding in silence as his thoughts overwhelmed him.
You left him. You left because of him. This wasn't some disagreement on how he did things as Batman. This wasn't because you were trying to get back at him. You left him willing because of what he had done as your father. No one has ever willing left him like this before. Not his children. Not his parents. Not anyone he has ever allowed himself to actually care for. It makes him mad, but more than anything it makes him want to collapse in on himself. He won't. Obviously. But, he's going to bring you back home. He's going to fix his mistake while he has the chance and you will give him that chance.
"Bruce… That includes a DNA test."
"I said all of them."
"What?" It's Damian who finally speaks up. For the first time since he alerted the other's of your disappearance. "Why would you do that? It's unnecessary."
It's a betrayal, he thinks. Not on your part. You may be too soft and too kind and too fragile and too simple minded. But, he knows you’re his. He may have gotten over his obsession with the blood in his veins, but the blood in yours connects you to him in a way none of his other siblings can have. He doesn't even think to question it. Doesn't want to. And, for a moment, he feels utter betrayed by his sire for thinking to doubt it.
"Damian."
"NO. It is unnecessary." He doesn't glare, but the anger is plain on his face. How dare father question?
Regardless of what Damian wants, Bruce nods to Barbara and Tim when a downtrodden Dick reenters the cave with a hairbrush in hand. You really were gone.
"Do it."
"Father-"
"Damian. They are our family, regardless of the results."
Bruce will love you regardless. He did a DNA test all those years ago. He knows your his, but he needs to make sure your still his. That something didn't change you or take you from him.
For Damian it's a tense minute. He knows you'll be family. No matter the results. But, he wants to share something with you that only an exclusive few people on this Earth or in this life ever will.
"Fine."
After that, it's silence for the next forty-three minutes. The programs running on the BatComputer dinging softly as each one is completed. Barbara's fingers rub together as she watches each one.
Tim doesn't bother looking, too anxious to sit around and wait. Already, he is on a spare computer looking into God knows what. Whatever it is, the rest of them can tell it's about you. Just by seeing the way his pupils are blown wide and darting about his screen.
Dick stands tense. Normally he would move about. Pace or do something. But, it seems wrong right now. The discomfort in the stillness is nothing compared to his current distress at knowing you're gone.
Stephanie debates internally on ripping the spare computer away from Tim. Wanting to see what he's found on you. Wondering if he knows if you're alright or not. Wondering if he's just watching looped footage of you and not sharing.
Duke is thinking. Really, he's contemplating what's happening. This is going to spiral into something. He feels it. He might not be the most experienced or most trained, but he knows something is changing. And, for once, he's not scared of the idea. Mostly because he knows by the end of this you will be back home. They won't allow you to stay lost.
"DNA test shows their a match to you, Bruce. And, we compared them to your old test of them too. Still a match."
Damian nearly beams, but manages to hide his relief under a smug smile.
"I told you, father."
"I didn't doubt." And, it is true. He never doubted you were his. But, he is still searching for an explanation.
"No drugs. No anything in their system that would register, but-" Barbara stops when she notices the screen. The anomaly on it. The one test that triggered. A question being possibly answered from the result and a million more arising if true.
"Oh."
"What is it?" Jason breaks the silence that's once again gone over everyone. The sense of unease bubbling through them all.
"I ran their DNA through all the usual test, and there was one single positive one."
"Which one?"
"Meta gene. And…"
Oh.
"It's active."
"Son of a bitch."
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As your brother and you start getting settled in for the night in the old house, airing out the stale air, pretending the dusting isn't there, you wonder around a bit. Similar to how you would back at the manor. Only this time there's no historical paintings on the wall. Just pictures of your own history laid out before you.
You'd never been more grateful for all the photos taken by you mother. All the times she would chase you down with a brush or comb in hand yelling at you, "You need to make sure you have nice hair for the picture. Or, the one's with terrible hair will be the one's that forever."
"But, what if I want them to last forever?" Your voice had been young and cheeky then.
"What if I just want them to last a little bit longer?" Now that voice was older and much more solemn.
Quickly, you shake the thought from your head. Setting your bag back in your old room for the night. A quick glance at the old space shows that someone's been in it recently. Probably your old friend Mae, judging by the amount of clothes spilling from your closet and dresser. She was always stuffing things in here for you. It makes you smile fondly to know that she missed you despite your phone calls early every day.
As you walk back down the hall, you find Jean-Luc standing outside your parent's old room.
"You wanna come with me to see them?"
"Yeah." The word soft, full of unshed grief as you both walk out to the back. There's an old live oak with Spanish moss out there, and two dead people that were loved and buried underneath it.
"Daddy always liked it when you made it rain when it was sunny out." Lukie whispers, recalling all the times you won the water-gun fights.
You remember the summer showers. The snowy Christmases. The way you used to blow the pollen away. The hurricanes you tamed. The tornadoes you saved the town from . The memories make causing the rain difficult. But, when you walk through the slightly overgrown grass towards the two stones the tears fall easy while the rain falls hard.
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"I pulled up all the weather patterns for that region and the theory is starting to look more factual by the second." Tim's already taken the helm, old weather radar scans on the screen. Files on Smalltown and it's people pulled up for display.
And, an entire screen dedicated to you. You. You. YoU. yOU. YOU? YOU
"So, it's confirmed they caused the storm. But, why?" It's Stephanie that asks while pacing back and forth next to the all of gear. Her worry and disbelief illuminated by the display lights.
"Princess was probably pissed." Jason says while cleaning his guns. The parts neatly laid out on the table while he shines and greases each piece. Twice. Thrice. Over and Over.
"But, why?" Dick is finally in motion, tapping his foot as impatiently. He knows they need all the information and a plan before they can get you back. But, the wait is straining him.
Barbara gives him a single look in reply. One that they've all shared often enough to know the meaning of.
"They hid it pretty well." Duke mushes. Strangely enough he's happy with this information. Everyone else in this family is technically a normal person, just with maxed out skill stats and trauma. Now, you two can both be normal childhood bros and meta buddies together.
"Cass, did you suspect anything?"
"I didn't ask." Which translates to, she knew, but didn't want to say anything that would drive you away. Seems kind of pointless now that you're gone, though.
The bitter silence reigns once more, before Tim speaks up.
"Incoming. The Asshole is getting a call from Nana." A few clicks and they're listening to the sound of your old childhood crush and your dearest Nana speak. The topic? You.
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That night you curled up with Jean-Luc in your parents old bed. Like you both used to when nightmares made cowards. You had to dig the old bedding out of the storage. The scent of the detergent Momma used to use faint on them. But, the two of you burrowed underneath the duvet like you were trying to hide from the world.
"How you feelin'?" You whisper to him, the room only illuminated by the stars in the window and the faint bathroom light.
"It's weird without Momma and Daddy. Everythin' is weird now and scary." He mutters in reply. He practically plants himself into your side.
"I know. I feel that way about it too."
"No, I mean… here. In town it's weird. Eveybody be actin' weird since you left." There's something in the way his voice shakes that makes you think he's not making this up
"What do you mean about everyone actin' weird, hun? I thought you were spendin' time with everyone. Nana said you were hanging out with Mae and Tanner. I know Mae is odd, but-"
"Nana's being weird too. And, Grand Daddy. She don't let me do nothin' fun at all these days. Says everything's to dangerous, and if somethin' happened to me you'd be upset." The child interrupts, sounding remarkably like his age with his complaints. But the low sound of his voice sounds less like mutterings and more like a cautious whisper.
"Well, that's cause Nana loves you. She don't want nothin' to happen to you, baby." You try to reassure him, as you've always done.
"But, she's always going on and on about you. She's almost as bad as Tanner." The way he says that name makes you pause. Tanner's been mention quiet a lot since you've been back. And, you've only been back for a couple of hours.
"Tanner's gone on about me?" You try to sound bashful, try to sound like its a compliment. But, the blush doesn't come.
"Yeah." Lukie practically roots himself into your chest where your heart is beginning to pound. "Always going on about you and the future and ranting about Gotham. He… he's kinda scary. I saw him and Grand Daddy a few months ago dragging something into the swamp. It looked… it looked about as long as a gator, but it wasn't a gator. It had clothes on."
"Baby, what do you think it was?" You somehow keep your voice steady as your arms wrap around him. Clinging to him and shielding him.
"I don't think I wanna remember. I just want everything to go back to normal."
After that, you let the wind outside the house howl. The way it blows through the trees with your fear keeps you up. Eventually you force the rain once again. Trying to lull Lukie-boy and yourself to sleep. For a brief moment, a flicker of a thought before you drift off into an uneasy slumber you think...
Should I have stayed?
And, your not certain if your talking about here or Gotham.
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A/N: I'd say there's about two more parts of this left, then we'll be really focusing on Pregnant!Reader for a bit. Got a blurb list in the works for it and a few ideas. And, I really really really need to clean out my ask box. Oops.
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@starsdotalk @sleepyghoster @maicenitas @box-of-kinderjoy @yandereheros @skwunkler @cl0esblogg @delias-stuff @rosecentury @lilyalone @addie-r-u-ok @space1crow @imaginarydreams @dhanyasri @rosalietodd013 @rissareader @rando2509 @h0rr0r-10ver-69 @interobanginyourmom @heyitsaloy @myanyan-me @animegoddess15 @resident-cryptid @schaarfyx @skwunkler @erikasurfer @enchantingarcadecreation @redkarmakai i @be3b0o @couldeatthatgirlforlunch @ratchetprime211 @labryel l @kawaii-cakes @linaisadream @vanessa-boo @m0063576 @oooof-ifellforyou @minkyungseokie @theseustimes @the-ruler-of-death @blueberry19000 @ghostdoodlen @victxria024 @nebulousmoon3990 @bad4amficideas
#yandere batfam#yandere batfamily#batfam x reader#batfamily x reader#yandere dc#yandere batfam x reader#yandere batfamily x reader#platonic batfam#smalltown!reader
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I've seen a lot of people voice disappointment over this Game Changer season finale and while I personally wasn't really bothered by a lot of the criticisms (I thought the Ratfish was an interesting added game mechanic and I never really care who wins or loses so his judgements not aligning with mine made no difference to me) I do think it's very interesting and I've spent some time thinking about why it doesn't work for so many. Some thoughts: Why is this Eric guy even here?
Tim & Eric were a popular tv comedy duo in the late aughts alt comedy scene. Sam and many of the writers at Dropout are sketch comedy nerds who, in 2007, were freshly at the start of their comedy careers, and probably see them and the larger [Adult Swim] environment they were a part of as a huge influence.
Why has it maybe aged poorly?
As far as I know, their popularity came in the early stages of about a decade of quite cynical, surreal comedy that also spawned the "lolrandom" era. While huge and fresh at the time, I think my generation (gen Z, the main viewerbase of Dropout) has grown pretty tired of this style and favours sketch comedy that's more clever, witty, and emotionally open or wholesome. At least, that's a movement Dropout has very much steered into with their roster of comedians and it's what the viewers expect.
The parasocial thing
It's no secret that Dropout actively promotes itself as a tight group of friendly comedians who you are invited to get to know, expect, and love when they show up. They don't abuse parasociality in the way you see, for example, younger audience oriented youtubers shoveling merch do it, but they absolutely make use of it. Most of the moments from this episode I've seen people gush over or post positively about are those where the cast recognize each other's styles, reference their relationships, and just generally make it known how well they know one another. When a total stranger enters the picture in an episode where the cast already have a barrier to their regular banter AND is given so much power over the game, they may look like an outsider or even an enemy to the happy little family people have gotten so attached to. Especially because his role is explicitly that of an antagonist, and the cast are never given a chance to see him and maybe out their love and respect for him as a comedian. In the minds of viewers, he just stays some guy who made mean jokes about their blorbo and then left.
Conclusion
I'm always glad to see this show making big swings, and while most of them have landed, some of them are bound to miss. It's a show that prides itself on trying things the viewers may not yet know they wanted and the second it stops trying, I think it'll be all the worse for it. It's a shame to end the season on such a note, but it's been hit after hit so far, and before we know it we'll be right back into it. I love this show, I love this cast, and I'm excited to see what's next!
#game changer#dropout#ratfish#eric wareheim#oof very long post#please remember that this is their job and your favourite comedians are not being attacked#it's just some jokes that didn't land very well#thank you and goodnight
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thinking about how I've seen OCD get talked about now, but haven't really seen many posts that actually explain what it is. And like, obviously people shouldn't get all their info about mental conditions from posts, but u can't deny that internet communities and stuff play a major role in people recognizing and putting names to their own experiences.
But like since the general public has like absolutely no idea of what OCD actually is (no thanks to popular media), and a lot of things I see talking about intrusive thoughts don't mention OCD (either bc they originated in OCD circles or bc intrusive thoughts aren't Exclusive to OCD or for some other reason), there should prob be more explanation put out on what OCD actually consists of.
Which is kinda hard in some ways, bc there are so many ways OCD can present in terms of what "themes" a person experiences, so someone talking about what their themes are might not ring a bell with someone who experiences different ones. But like, the core thing with OCD isn't the presence of certain themes, it's a specific pattern of spiraling thoughts and reactions.
Like. OCD is a mental condition/illness where people experience stressful, unwanted, repetitive thoughts. These are intrusive thoughts are what make up the "obsessions" part of the disorder. In response to these intrusive thoughts, a lot of people will perform certain actions or think certain things in an attempt to neutralize or disprove the threat they represent. These are the "compulsions" part of the condition.
For a more "traditional" example, someone experiencing intrusive thoughts that they might catch a communicable disease may obsessively wash their hands or google their symptoms to try to lessen the anxiety. While someone who is worried they might hurt someone (even though they very much do not want to hurt someone) may avoid being near sharp objects or may avoid the people they're afraid of hurting.
One of the issues with OCD is that performing the compulsions provides short term relief, but in the long term it only strengthens the stress caused by the intrusive thoughts, thus furthering the thought spiral and actively making it worse, to the point where, depending on your themes, you may be (almost) convinced that your intrusive thoughts represent the truth or the inevitable or something permanent.
Intrusive thought themes cam be literally anything, but some of the common ones are stuff like
Questioning your sexuality, gender, etc (what if I'm actually straight/gay/bi/trans/cis/etc?)
Being worried about losing control and hurting yourself or others physically, sexually, emotionally, basically any way (what if I want to kill someone? What if I'm a pedophile? What if I'm an abuser? What if I want to stab myself? Etc)
Fear of becoming or being sick
Worrying something bad will happen to you or people you care about
Worrying about your spiritual beliefs or lack thereof (what if I'm actually Christian? What if I'm actually atheist? What if i don't believe in the faith i ascribe to? Etc)
Worrying about relationship status (what if I don't actually love them? What if they're not "the one"? What if they're cheating? What if *I'm* cheating? Etc)
What if I'm a bad person?
Fear of losing things
Fear of things not feeling right (this is often be related to other themes via magical thinking. ex: if I don't have my things organized Just Right then something bad will happen)
Fear of unreality
Compulsions vary by theme a lot obviously, but some common ones include
Hand washing
Organizing things until they Feel Right
Checking and double checking and triple checking to make sure you did something correctly
Obsessively reviewing your memories to disprove a thoughtor make sure you don't believe something
Arguing against the thoughts in an attempt to disprove them
Testing your mental reactions to a thought or to certain kinds of content, to show yourself you don't actually believe or feel something
Obsessively googling symptoms, testimonies, things related to your thoughts
Obsessive prayer
Repeating phrases, mantras, affirmations, etc in an attempt to make thoughts go away
Avoiding things and situations that set off your intrusive thoughts
Repeatedly asking for reassurance from others ("I'm not being xyz, right?")
But yeah this obviously isn't exhaustive but, just, if this kind of thing sounds familiar, you should probably do some research on OCD, bc while intrusive thoughts can occur with other conditions, the intrusive thought-compulsion spiral is the core of OCD and isn't really a subaspect of depression/anxiety/ptsd/etc. and the treatment and management of OCD can look different from other stuff, so its a good thing to look into.
(Also it's important to keep in mind, esp if you're someone that doesn't have it, that someone's intrusive thoughts Are Not "secret desires" or "repressed urges" or anything the person even remotely wants to act on. Someone having harm-related intrusive thoughts is not at risk of actually acting on them, no matter how worried they are of doing so.)
Anyway this was a long post and I don't have a neat way to wrap it up and also I accidentally added a poll and now can't get rid of it so here's free poll. I'm running on nyquil and a small amount of straight gin (which works very well at numbing a sore throat) rn gnite
#ocd#actuallyocd#actually ocd#intrusive thoughts#my hand is fuckin stiff from typing this all out on my phone rip
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