#or who I don’t feel like I’m burdening if I share theories or art
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Hello!! I know this is entirely random, but if it makes any sort of difference then I would like you to know Fable that I love and appreciate the beautiful art and endless contributions to the fandom. You’ve been a source of joy to a lot of people in the DCA server that I run— and I’m not saying that in a ‘oh this is a secret club’ sorta way and instead reaching out so that you know personally that your passion is enjoyed and appreciated, and I’m sorry that people haven’t been more communicative to you!
So uh, this is my awkward but genuine way of saying that your stuff is amazing and that you are a wonderful person, your adorable art of Sun and Moon in all their forms (I am quite fond of that Crab!Moon thank u very much) has positively impacted the life of at least one person since I joined the fandom myself last year, especially as I had a loss in the family at that time and this fandom—you and your presence on tumblr included—helped tremendously in me finding a community that continues to bring a lot of warmth from a time that was really dark for me.
So thank you thank you a thousand times over Fable, and I’m super duper sorry if this comes off weird, I just can empathize in how it feels to seem isolated and forgotten while you’re trying to make worthwhile connections and interact with fans and friends in a community.
Hey thank you so much, this is super sweet and I really appreciate it, my brain is not helping me much with words right now but I’m really glad my art has been enjoyed, I still wanna draw more of that lil crab Moon and I’m glad you’ve been able to connect with the community in that way especially after having a rough year, that’s really cool you’ve found likeminded people to share your hobbies with! There are so many nice people in the DCA fandom and I’m glad you’re enjoying your stay!
#fableasks#when it comes to people being communicative whilst they really are I feel like I don’t find it easy to make friends or connect with people#and then a lot of people act intimidated or don’t want to bother other people#so a lot of the time I’m kind of stuck in this limbo where I can have these casual conversations but there’s no one here#that I find it too easy to share my stories with#or who I don’t feel like I’m burdening if I share theories or art#or where I don’t feel bad if I can’t keep up with when my brain isn’t letting me participate#it’s a me thing
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Camp Cretaceous/Chaos Theory Arcane AU Part 1
I’ve been mulling over this AU for a while now and I’ll put the info in read more so it doesn’t take over my home page, but I would like to thank @mangosaurus and @theobscuredigit for helping me sort out my thoughts and bounce off ideas regarding the AU! Also this mostly covers act 1 of Arcane so I’ll probably do another part of this covering acts 2 and 3.
I’ve been working through what characters would fit which roles in the arcane universe and I’ve finally come to a somewhat solid conclusion on where I’m taking this AU if I decide to do more about it in the future (or it’s just this one off thing, maybe I’ll write a fic about it. I’m unsure), so here we go!
Yaz -> Vi- A head strong and athletic young girl who lost her mom due to a tragic conflict between the Undercity and Piltover. She’s the leader of a rag tag group of fellow orphans, those of which greatly admire her. While she may put on an act of having everything together she’s extremely terrified of letting those she loves down, especially her adoptive younger brother Ben who is the most important person in her life.
Ben -> Powder- Yaz found Ben all alone during the conflict that took the lives of the twos parents, and from that day forward Yaz became Ben’s protector and sister. Although, timid, Ben is determined to prove he can pull his own weight within the group. However, his attempts often fail leading disastrous consequences, which Yaz and the others have to end up resolving. The only person that Ben believes doesn’t see him as a burden is his best friend, Darius.
Mae -> Vander- Adoptive mother of both Ben and Yaz, she found the two during the conflict between Piltover and the Undercity. She also takes care of two other children she found during the aftermath and is well respected in the Undercity, due to her not so savory past. She now tries to keep the peace between the two nations, while also struggling to manage the rebellious children under her care.
Kenji -> Mylo- One of the other two children under Mae’s care. Unlike everyone else in the group who are orphans, Kenji was abandoned by his father after his mother passed away, using the chaos of the conflict going on in the Undercity as a way to make a clean break. Kenji greatly admires Yaz, and hopes to be someone that can proudly stand by her side, however his cockiness and laziness get the better of him. While he does care for Ben, he ends up giving the kid a hard time due to how often he messes up jobs. He believes that Ben somehow hexes the group whenever he joins them on outings.
Sammy -> Claggor- One of the other two children under Mae’s care as well as Yaz’s girlfriend. During the conflict, Sammy was separated from her parents and later found out they were killed during it. With no where else to go, she finds Mae and gets taken in by her. While trying to keep things positive in the group, it’s clear that she share the same hatred for those in Piltover as her friends, citing them as the reason why she lost everything.
Darius -> Ekko- Best friend of Ben as well as the son of the local pawn shop owner, he supplies tips he hears from his dad’s shop about wealthy customers to his friends. He highly respects Ben and motivates him to keep trying even when he wants to give up, being a guiding light in Ben’s life.
Brooklynn -> Caitlyn- The daughter of one of Piltover’s councilman. Her biggest dream is to investigate the inside details of Piltover and the Undercity’s rocky relationship and hope to achieve this by becoming one of the cities top enforcers in the future. She also assists Henry Wu in his work from time to time as he was taken under her families wing.
Here are the other roles that I don’t feel like writing descriptions for as of this moment but probably will if I go more into depth with this AU
Dr. Wu -> Jayce
Eddie -> Viktor
Daniel -> Mel
Tiff-> Silco
Mitch -> Sevika
Bumpy -> idk she can be heimerdinger or something
If I had better art skills I would draw designs for everyone, but alas I only use my drawing ability for shitty memes.
#if this has typos…please ignore them 😓#also yes unfortunately Sammy and Kenji will share the same fate as Claggor and Mylo#IM SORRY but I think it’s interesting#Edwu and Vikjayce parallels 😍#also I feel like I posted so much today in comparison to the past couple of day#I just had too much free time#jwcc#camp cretaceous#jurassic world camp cretaceous#jwct#chaos theory#jurassic world chaos theory#yasmina fadoula#ben pincus#mae turner#kenji kon#sammy gutierrez#darius bowman#brooklynn jwct#brooklynn jwcc#jwcc/ct arcane au#mor posts
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so ya wanna know about autism: masterpost
I give this google doc link out to individuals a lot, and realized it might be useful for a lot of people if i shared it more widely. It’s a masterpost of a whole bunch of Autistic Stuff -- here’s the link to the actual doc, but i’ll also post it all here on tumblr (under a readmore after the table of contents).
(edit: if the hyperlinks aren’t working for you, here’s the google doc url that you can copy and paste into an internet browser to access everything: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16BqhRv4IlZ6KcElGAEZOx8sFYwRs4W1jF-ddY_XKYnE/edit?usp=sharing )
Please spread it around (including sharing the google doc link outside of tumblr wherever you want). Feel free to comment with more resources, tumblr posts, articles, etc. that you find helpful! And if any links are broken, let me know.
It can be a major challenge for adult autistic folks to find content for us and by us, because so much “official” content is 1) ableist and harmful and 2) geared towards parents of autistic children. So I’ve compiled just about every resource I’ve got that discusses autism by and for #actuallyautistic folks.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
- ORGANIZATIONS AND SELF ADVOCATES
- DEFINING AND DESCRIBING AUTISM
misc.
Metaphors and images for autism
Disability models
Issues with Functioning Labels, ideas of “Mild” - “Severe” autism
- AUTISM AND INTERSECTIONALITY
misc.
Autism among women
Autism and race
Autism and LGBTQ
- STUFF ON SELF DIAGNOSIS
misc.
Is it ADHD or Autism??
Tests / checklists
- STUFF ON PROFESSIONAL DIAGNOSIS
- AUTISTIC PRIDE / CULTURE AND HISTORY!
misc.
Autism / disability history and culture
The Neurodiversity Movement
Person first vs. identity first language
Cureism
- AUSTITIC TRAITS (BEYOND THE ONES COMMONLY DISCUSSED!)
Misc. - samefoods, lists, needing to know what to expect, etc.
Stimming
Communication stuff - misc. - Verbal/nonverbal - Infodumping - echolalia - Prosopagnosia - Aphasia - Eye contact
Special interests / hyperfixations
Auditory Processing Disorder
Sensory issues / Sensory Processing Disorder
Meltdowns and Shutdowns and Burnout
Executive function
Emotion stuff
- MASKING / PASSING / SCRIPTING
- WHY AUTISM SPEAKS AND ABA ARE SO BAD
- MISCELLANEOUS
Suicide
Allyship / for allistics - For parents of autistic persons
More non-speaking autistic self-advocates
misc.
_________________
SOME ORGANIZATIONS AND SELF ADVOCATES
ASAN!!
The Autistic Woman and Nonbinary Network
Amethyst Schaber’s “Ask and Autistic” YouTube full of videos on various autistic stuff
Lydia X.Z. Brown / Autistic Hoya
Dr. Nick Walker
Mrs. Kerima Çevik
“Non-Speaking Autistic Speaking” - Amy Sequnzia’s blog
“The thinking person’s guide to autism”
The How-To Wiki for autism is actually really helpful!
Ollibean blog .
DEFINING AND DESCRIBING AUTISM
Video: “What is autism?”
“About autism”
“What being autistic means to me”
Myths about autism .
Metaphors and images for autism - “Autism is a sundae bar” - “Autism is purple” - “Understanding the spectrum” comic - Another visual on the idea of a spectrum - And another visual on the spectrum - not an on-off switch .
Disability models - Understanding disability models - Video: models of disability discourse .
Functioning Labels, “Mild” or “Severe” autism - Article on functioning labels - “What’s wrong with functioning labels? A masterpost” - Another article on problems with functioning labels - “I don’t experience my autism mildly; you experience my autism mildly” - A non-speaking autistic who is labeled non-functioning discusses labels - “Most people would consider me low-functioning, but I hate that word” - Tweets from actual autistics on functioning labels - How the same person may be labeled low or high functioning at different times - “Mental Age Theory hurts people with disabilities” .
AUTISM AND INTERSECTIONALITY
Article on autism in communities of color + in the LGBTQ community
Autism, intersectionality, and STEM college outcomes
Articles on intersectionality on The Art of Autism .
Autism among women - A reminder about talking about differences in autism in “females” - “I thought I was lazy: the invisible struggle for autistic women” - “The women who don’t know they’re autistic” - “The gas-lighting of women and girls on the autism spectrum” .
Autism and race - “Being Autistic, Black, and Femme” - “Black and Autistic: Is there room at the advocacy table?” - “Autistic, Gifted, and Black” - “I, too, am Racialized” - Autistic Hoya on being Chinese & a transracial adoptee - Video: “Growing up BLACK in a neurotypical legal system” - The Autism Wars: Mrs. Kerima Çevik’s blog .
Autism and LGBTQ - “Autism and gender variance - is there a cause for the correlation?” - “The intersection of autism and gender” - Issues being transmasc and autistic - “Gendervague: At the intersection of Autistic and trans experiences” - “I’m an autistic lesbian and no, I don’t wish I were ‘normal’” .
STUFF ON SELF DIAGNOSIS:
A self-diagnosis masterpost!
Autistic self-dx is valid
“Reasons why self-dx is good from the pov of a professional”
Some reasons why autism may go undiagnosed
“Five reasons I am self identified as autistic”
“Beware of gatekeeping”
A masterpost of “resources for women who believe they might be autistic”
A therapist who’s never met an incorrect self-dx-er .
Is it ADHD or Autism?? - Links to information on the intersections between autism and ADHD - A list of things that are more ADHD, things that are more autism, and things that are both - Science: decoding the overlap between ADHD and autism - The concept of neurodivergent “cousins” .
Various tests / checklists: - ASD Checklist - List of inclusive autistic traits - Book: I Think I Might Be Autistic: A Guide to Autism Spectrum Disorder Diagnosis and Self-Discovery for Adults .
STUFF ON PROFESSIONAL DIAGNOSIS:
Privilege in being able to get a diagnosis
Pros and cons of getting one
Someone answers the question “Was it worth it for you to get diagnosed as an adult?”
Professional diagnosis can get some people deported :/
This person’s journey from self-dx to pro-dx .
AUTISTIC PRIDE / CULTURE AND HISTORY!
The wiki how-to on accepting your autism
The wiki how-to on autistic strengths
“7 Cool Aspects of Autistic Culture”
“I’m autistic and proud of it”
“You are not a burden”
“What is self advocacy?” .
Autism / disability history and culture - Video: “Is autism a disability?” - A google drive “disability library” full of amazing content - A tumblr tag full of posts with autistic history - Book - Loud Hands: Autistic People, Speaking includes essays that explore the history of autism and of autistic self-advocacy - Book - Neurotribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity .
The Neurodiversity movement - The neurodiversity paradigm - Video: basic terms and definitions - Video: what is neurodiversity? - Liberating ourselves from the pathology paradigm .
Person first vs. identity first language (“person with autism” vs. “autistic person”) - ASAN on identity first language - Why it matters - Video: Autism ACTUALLY Speaking - Science: a study on what labels actual autistic persons prefer - An image showing the difference between person first and identity first language .
Cureism & seeking causes of autism - Video: “Autism and the disability community: the politics of neurodiversity, causation, and cure” - Video: Self advocacy in a culture of cure - An analogy against cureism - It’s okay that some autistics do want a cure - Quotes on Truth Is by Julia Bascom about not needing a cure - Cureism is eugenics - “If a cure is found, no one will force you to take it” .
AUTISTIC TRAITS (BEYOND THE ONES COMMONLY DISCUSSED!)
“Thinking about patterns of opposite extremes among autistic people” (e.g. how we tend to be sensory avoidant or sensory seeking, extremely gender conforming or extremely gender nonconforming, hyper-empathetic or hypo-empathetic)
An essay on inclusive autistic traits
This tumblr is dedicated to answering people asking about whether various things are autistic traits!
This person lists the reasons they think (know) they’re autistic; the list includes a lot of traits that often aren’t talked about
“Some autism things” .
“What are samefoods?” - “Why do autistic people tend to samefood?”
It’s okay if you don’t like certain things / avoid certain things because of your autism
Wanting/needing to know how long something will last, what to expect .
Stimming! - Video: what is stimming? - Video on self-injurious stims - Video: autobiographical look at stimming and its role - More than a coping mechanism - A masterpost of examples of various types of stimming - Video on vocal / verbal stimming - Examples of vocal stimming as communication - A tumblr blog with a tag full of examples of body stims .
Communication stuff - Trouble with volume modulation; repetition; inconsistent talking habits - Autistic idiolects - Autistic dialect? - Autistics communicate differently amongst each other! . - Verbal/nonverbal - - Selective mutism - - Semiverbal communication - - Different amounts of access to speech - - A person on being non-verbal and using AAC - - People who are nonverbal still deserve to be listened to .
Infodumping - What is infodumping?
Echolalia - “Autism and Echolalia: what you need to know” - What is echolalia? - A tumblr blog’s tag featuring examples of echolalia
Aphasia and autism
Prosopagnosia (Face blindness) - Science: a study confirming that some 67% of autistic persons have some degree of facial recognition difficulties - Science: a study offering theories for why this is!
Video: Autistics and eye contact - Science: Researchers explore why autistic people avoid eye contact
Tendency to overexplain .
Special interests / hyperfixations - Some info on hyperfixations - Video on special interests - Emphasizing the intensity of these things - “What’s so special about a special interest?” - “Why we love what we love and why it should matter to you” - Not every autistic person knows everything there is to know about their special interest - “Interest hopping” - Dividing our life into “eras” of special interests .
Auditory Processing Disorder - Examples of APD - “You might struggle with auditory processing if…” .
Sensory Processing Disorder - Video: What is sensory processing disorder? - Video: a virtual experience of what it’s like to be at a party as someone with SPD - A post about some of the weird sensory stuff that many autistics experience (such as feeling nauseated when your real issue is a headache) - Many sensory issues aren’t just annoying, but physically painful - Difficulty in explaining autistic hypersensitivities - Auditory sensory musings - Trying to describe sensory overload - Not noticing when we’re hungry - Weird tolerance for big pain, intolerance for small pain - Science: “Unseen Agony: Dismantling Autism’s house of pain” - Tumblr blog with a tag of other posts about sensory issues .
Meltdowns and Shutdowns and burnout: - Meltdowns vs. shutdowns - Video: “What are autistic meltdowns?” - Video: “What are autistic shutdowns?” - A description of meltdowns - Signs of a shutdown in autistic people - How to support someone having a shutdown - Science: “Autistic shutdown alters brain function” - How to avoid meltdowns - “Dealing with meltdowns” - “The protective gift of meltdowns” - Video on autistic burnout - Article on burnout - Science: Autistic burnout described by a researcher - An article on autistic regression (burnout) - “Help! I seem to be getting more autistic” - talks about how things like burnout, aging, new environment, being around other autistics, and more can cause this .
Executive function - Video: “What is executive functioning?” - A chart describing the different aspects of executive function - “Executive functioning problems - a frustrating aspect of being autistic” - Autistic inertia .
Emotion stuff (including empathy) - Our emotional regulation is different - Article: (some) people with autism can read emotions, feel empathy - Video on misconceptions around autism and empathy - “Double standards: The irony of empathy and autism” - Science on the “double empathy problem” involving relationships between autistics and non-autistics - Not a bad person for not having empathy - More musings on autism and empathy - “Autistic grief is not like neurotypical grief” .
Alexithymia: - Science: Overlap between autism and alexithymia - Video: what is alexithymia? - “I don’t know how I feel”
MASKING / PASSING
Video on passing
An infographic on autistic masking
Another video on masking / “hiding” in a neurotypical world
We are not obligated to mask or “act less autistic”
When you mask less and get told “you’ve been acting more autistic”
Getting called high-functioning because you mask/pass well
Scripting: - Video: what is scripting?
WHY AUTISM SPEAKS AND ABA ARE SO BAD
A guide to identifying good autism organizations (and how they can improve!)
Autism Speaks:
Some facts and statistics
An AS masterpost
Another AS masterpost
Video: What’s wrong with AS?
Video: a non-speaking autistic’s response to discussions between Autism Speaks and GRASP
“Enough with the puzzle pieces”
“I resign my roles at Autism Speaks”
“Responding to Autism Speaks” .
ABA:
Video: what’s ABA?
“Studies find thin evidence for early autism therapies”
Masterpost of why ABA is harmful
More on how ABA is abusive even if a kid “seems to like it”
An autistic describes ABA’s “quiet hands” method
And another post on how ABA is harmful
Trauma and autism
Alternatives to ABA
MISCELLANEOUS
Suicide - Video: Speaking to suicidal autistics - Science linking autism and increased suicidality - Video: “diagnosis saved my life” .
Allyship / for allistics - Video: How to be an ally - Resources for supporting autistics during Autism Acceptance month and year-round! - Autistic accessibility needs - “How to be a friend to autistic people” - 15 things you never say to an autistic person - What to say / not to say to an autistic adult - Video: what shouldn’t I say to autistic people? - Video: Things not to say to an autistic person - Video: “Isn’t everyone a bit autistic?” - Don’t talk about “mental age” - “To those who tell autistic persons ‘everyone experiences that’” - Why it’s not helpful to say “well I don’t think of you as disabled / as autistic” - How to support a loved one who’s gone temporarily nonverbal - How to support someone having a shutdown - Help reduce meltdowns in a loved one - Don’t restrain an autistic person having a meltdown - Understanding why autistics seem “so picky” - Making communication easier for your autistic friend - Avoiding ableism against AAC users - How to protect your autistic employees from ‘no script found’ situations” .
For parents of autistic persons - “Don’t Mourn for Us” - “You don’t ‘lose a child to autism’” - Advice from autistic adults on treating your autistic children with respect - A masterpost of advice for “autism parents” - It’s okay if your kid doesn’t hug you or say “I love you” - “They keep publishing these violent articles” - “When you’re autistic, abuse is considered love” - You don’t have to tell everyone who comes across you and your kid in public that your kid is autistic / you don’t have to constantly apologize for your kid! - Your kid isn’t bad / uncooperative just because they have certain differences - Don’t tell autistic adults we are “nothing like your child” - A tag full of more tumblr posts about / for “autism parents”
More non-speaking autistic self-advocates - Video: “In My Language” by Mel Baggs - Mel Baggs: “Don’t ever assume autism researchers know what they’re doing” - Lysik’an: “You don’t speak for low-functioning autistics” - Film: Deej
Autistics and the idea of “getting out of your comfort zone”
Autistics accommodate allistics far more than the other way around
It is icky when autistic persons are only valued when we’re “productive”
Parents who are themselves autistic
Autism as genetic? - Science: “Autism Genetics, Explained”
Science: links to some studies on autism and gastro-intestinal issues, autism and caffeine, autism and sleep, autism and stimming, autism and queerness, autistic strengths, and more
#actually autistic#autism masterpost#actuallyautistic#autistic stuff#autistic resources#autism resources#log#summer 2021#ref#long post#masterpost#links
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Today’s Tips: Crutches
Hello hello! I have been a part-time crutches user for the past… three years? So today I’m going to share some little tips I’ve learned along the way. I have never used a cane, but I think a lot of this might apply to canes too.
-If you’re trying to decide if you need a mobility aid or not, the answer is yes. You don’t have to be unable to walk without it to use a mobility aid! If you think it would help, go for it! Using my crutches lets me walk farther, with less pain, and less falling, and the freedom is wonderful. I’m pretty sure that if you’re debating, it’s definitely worth a try. And if you’re here because crutches are already required for you, that’s good too and I hope you still find what makes them work best for you.
-Decorate! Personalize! Bedazzle! I am a huge advocate for changing the look of your mobility aid to whatever makes you happy. I scraped all the logos off my crutches, spray painted them blue, and added flower stickers on the cuffs, and it always makes me smile. Just because they only sell what you need in boring medical colors doesn’t mean you have to keep it that way. My theory is, I’m going to get stared at either way, I might as well have crutches I like:)
-If you leave it standing up, it WILL fall over. Seriously, it seems like every time I try to leave my crutches propped up against something, they fall down and make a ton of noise at a very inconvenient time. If you have to leave them standing up so you can reach them, I wish you luck, and suggest putting them somewhere that minimizes getting bumped into. Sometimes I lean mine on my legs under the table and that works pretty well. But most of the time, I lie my crutches down alongside a table or wall, or underneath my chair. Bonus, this also keeps people from stepping on them so much.
-Forearm crutches vs underarm crutches. I generally see your regular underarm crutches used for more short term things, like a sprained ankle, but they might also be a better choice if you have limited arm strength. They also feel more stable if you can’t put any weight on one leg. I was told that forearm crutches take way more strength, but in my experience, it’s not as bad as I was told, even though I have floppy, spaghetti-noodle Ehlers-Danlos arms (although I do also have the special forearm crutches for people with EDS) It’s really nice that the forearm crutches are shorter, so they’re easier to store and don’t stab you in the armpit if you’re walking on uneven ground. In my opinion, they’re just overall easier to maneuver and better for when both legs need support. Plus, I can let them hang from the cuffs and have my hands free for a moment. The other thing I noticed with underarm crutches vs forearm crutches is how people treat me. With regular underarm crutches, I got a lot of “Oh no what happened?!” and “Get well soon!”, none of which apply to me. With forearm crutches, people seem to get that it’s more of a lifelong disability deal. I was trying to write an unbiased paragraph here, but I guess it’s pretty clear I have a strong preference! But really, the best option is whatever meets your needs.
-Proper fitting. If you have access to a physical therapist or other professional who can help you fit your crutches, I would highly recommend taking advantage of that. Crutches that aren’t adjusted right can wreak havoc on your posture and alignment, and even cause secondary injuries (which is the last thing you need!) If you don’t have access to a PT, I think these links have some good information:
https://www.physicaltherapy101.net/forearm-lofstrand-crutches/
https://www.physicaltherapy101.net/walking-assistance/crutches/
-Pace yourself. If your situation allows you to gradually work up to how much time you spend with crutches, you’ll be much less sore! If not, try to take breaks before you really need them, to prevent the worst of the ouch.
-Carrying things. This is going to be frustrating, but it also gets easier as you adjust and learn what works for you. First things first, it’s totally okay to ask for help! You are not a burden, you are not lazy, no matter what anyone else tells you. It’s okay to need help. And for when you are carrying things by yourself, here are some tips: Pockets! Very very good. Backpack or fanny pack or purse is also good. I’ve seen some people attach a bag to the crutch itself, but in my experience, that makes it hard to control the crutch and you lose your balance a lot. I’ve also perfected the art of holding something with my pinky and ring finger, while still holding the crutch handgrip with the other side of my hand. Sliding things along a table instead of carrying is a great one for cooking. Getting everything you need within reach and then just sitting is also a good strategy to save spoons.
-Actually getting around! I think the best thing might be to practice with your crutches on a day you don’t actually need them so you can experiment. I know that’s not always possible though, and I promise you can also learn as you go too. For me, doors are the hardest part, so automatic openers are my friends. My best tricks for doors without automatic openers are: open door really far and speed through, or use crutch leg or tip to prop door open while you go through. Although I have gotten my crutch tip stuck under the door like that before so maybe that’s not the best advice… Again, it’s totally okay to ask for help! And you’ll get the hang of it with practice.
-Crutches in winter. Not fun. If you’re using regular long crutches, they’re going to get stuck in slush or snow on the sidewalk. I haven’t tried them, but I also know they sell special crutch tips for ice, because regular ones are slippy. I don’t really have any advice here, so this is more of a caution, and a suggestion to plan ahead!
-Especially if crutches are new for you, you’re going to be all kinds of tired. The way you walk is now totally different, and you have to re-adjust how you do just about everything, which takes a LOT of mental energy. It’s totally okay to be frustrated and tired and sad. It won’t always be this hard, you’ll find adjustments that work for you. And don’t be afraid to use the resources and accommodations available to you! They’re there to help you and you deserve support.
I hope you found this helpful, and I would love to see if you decide to decorate your mobility aid too!
Edit: I just learned a new trick for crutches and doors! When you’re trying to open the door, make sure you’re standing clear outside of the arc of where the door swings. Otherwise you’ll be trying to inch backwards and drag the door with you, and that’s a great way to fall down. So just move to the side and let the door swing open.
#chronic illness advice#teaandspoons#disability#ehlers danlos syndrome#crutches#forearm crutches#accessibility
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26 Reasons why Qrow is not Ruby’s father and why Taiyang is Ruby’s father
In response to the toxic aspect of the fandom attacking CRWBY and demanding that their desires for Qrow be chosen over canon, or how they feel their theory is more valid than the show itself? I have researched RWBY to make this 26-point Discussion as to why Canon is valid, and fancanon is not when it comes to Qrow Branwen, Ruby Rose, Taiyang Xiao Long, and Summer Rose.
1. “Monty said NO” Most obviously. Monty Oum.
He said in this tweet that ruby and yang are half-sisters…half-sisters, which means they share the same mom or dad…in this case Taiyang….
https://twitter.com/montyoum/status/492070189731565568
Now people have claimed “he obviously meant step-sisters or cousins” Why is it that every time we show the English dictionary to you people or ask you to read it, that you claim you are being attacked or that you claim Monty was misleading us?
2. The writers said NO
Miles Luna debunked this theory on Reddit…
He pointed out that Ruby sees Qrow as a Role model, so she adapts her colors to be similar to his.
And you don’t need somebody to be blood to be your role model.
https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBY/comments/7x3w4s/crwby_ama_w_miles_luna_kerry_shawcross_and_paula/du5d67g/?
3. “Rooster Teeth said NO” Rooster Teeth even said that Qrow is "Ruby and Yang's Uncle" They also said “Ladies, he’s not your man”
https://twitter.com/RoosterTeeth/status/1067205612331782144
4. “But what if Summer had feelings for Qrow? Why does Qrow Serve Ozpin?” Qrow said in Volume 6 " No one wanted me... I was cursed... I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world... I thought I was finally doing some good... " So he was saying he wasn't wanted, so no relationship with Summer. SUMMER DID NOT WANT HIM. And he was literally saying he served Ozpin because Ozpin gave him purpose. It’s pretty sad how people think Qrow can only be a complex character if he obsesses over another person’s wife and child. What , you wanna make him Severus Snape, the Lilly Potter stalker who insulted a girl’s face and tried to poison a boy’s pet and publicly outed a teacher?
https://rwby.fandom.com/wiki/Qrow_Branwen/Quotes#So_That.27s_How_It_Is
5, "But Qrow could be lying" Except in volume 6 Qrow literally said "Don't lie...we're better than that"
And in volume 7?
" Long time ago. I just found working alone tends to be for the best "
" Gotta say, I’m still not really used to working with other Huntsmen in the field. "
And finally World Of Remnant on Patch.
" Nice place to raise a family, if you're into that sort of thing. "
https://rwby.fandom.com/wiki/Qrow_Branwen/Quotes#So_That.27s_How_It_Is
6. “Qrow fans claim that Ruby and Summer form a core part of Qrow’s character and backstory.” WRONG! The main accusation for demanding Rooster Teeth / CRWBY change the backstory for Qrow would accomplish nothing.
Raven already pushed Yang onto Taiyang to raise on his own.
Qrow forcing Tai to Raise Ruby alongside Yang while Qrow could regularly visit, and while Summer lived with Taiyang, Yang, and Ruby?
It would cheapen Qrow’s character….blood isn’t everything. Neither are cliches.
7. “But what if Qrow gave Ruby to Tai to raise after Summer’s death?” Volume Chapter 6, Burning the Candle.
Yang tells Blake that she (yang) and Ruby were raised together by Summer and Taiyang…not by Taiyang on his own, but by Summer and Taiyang.
Yang clearly had memories of being raised by Summer and Tai both, which meant that Summer and Taiyang lived together raising Ruby and Yang for Several Years.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZkN-53h5Os
8. “Does Taiyang care about Summer or Ruby?” Taiyang was noted to have shut down when Summer didn’t come back…. Yang noted this in Volume 2 Chapter 6, and Ruby mentioned in the first episode of Volume 3 that Taiyang missed Summer. Qrow also said that Ruby is Taiyang’s “Special Angel”…. Ruby has also pointed out numerous times that Taiyang is Overprotective of Ruby. In fact, Ruby's conversation with Penny about overprotective fathers.
9. “Qrow knows Taiyang is Ruby’s Father. Taiyang knows Ruby is Taiyang’s daughter. Qrow has referred to Taiyang as Ruby’s father during volume 3 and 7. Taiyang referred to Ruby as his daughter in volume 3.
10. “Why didn’t Taiyang train Ruby in Martial Arts?” Taiyang is a martial arts fighter. Ruby has neither the build nor the personality for ruthless hand to hand combat like her sister… Taiyang would trust Qrow, despite his semblance. Remember how bad Ruby was in v5?
11. “Qrow’s semblance is not what his fans exaggerate it to be”
Speaking of Qrow’s semblance? He was playing video games with his nieces, taught at Signal Academy, and could train Ruby… Clearly, his semblance is not what theorists make it out to be.
12. “Why doesn’t Qrow treat Yang the same way he treats Ruby?”
Yang is the daughter of Qrow’s sister,who abandoned the team.
During a one on one interaction between Qrow and Yang after yang vs mercury, Qrow called his own niece crazy, after she had been framed.
Qrow was not empathetic to Yang.
Qrow may not like Yang’s resemblance to Raven.
Ruby is the daughter of his two closest friends, so of course he’d prefer Ruby over Yang.
13. “Examples of Taiyang caring for Ruby.”
Volume 2 Ruby was excited when Taiyang sent a package in the mail, not even knowing it was Zwei.
Taiyang was at Ruby’s bedside in V3, and gave her a kiss on the forehead.
He also tried to bring her breakfast in bed.
Taiyang said he wanted to chase after Ruby, but had to nurse Yang back to health.
During the V8 broadcast, Taiyang was upset when the broadcast was cut.
14. “Genetics research”
Black hair is the subtype of the pigment for blonde hair…
Also, Ruby’s got the same hair strand that Yang and Taiyang have.
Finally, black hair is more dominant.
So Ruby doesn’t need blonde hair to be Taiyang’s kid.
https://askinglot.com/is-black-hair-a-dominant-or-recessive-gene
https://www.quora.com/If-a-jet-black-haired-parent-and-a-blonde-parent-have-children-what-color-hair-would-the-children-likely-have
15. “The STRQ Photo”
The photo....Qrow was with STRQ for four years...do you really think Qrow is not allowed to cry on the photo unless he was romantically involved? Can't a man grieve over the death of a female friend that he was NOT in a relationship with? Or are men not allowed to have female friends? Ichigo and Rukia from Bleach for example...friendship. They were his friends, his family. People seem obsessed with the idea that Qrow cannot care about a woman unless he was romantically involved or unless he's their bastard father.
16. “Men and Women…as friends, platonic” Harry Potter as a book showed that a boy and a girl can interact and still be friends…
Why can’t Qrow be Summer’s friend?
Why does he have to be her lover?
We’ve seen Qrow talk about Innkeeper’s skirt lengths and leer at Barmaids who flirted with him.
Also, he’s shown to be bonding with both Clover and Robyn.
People act like he doesn't flirt with anyone , and yet he does.
17. “Bad Luck Charm” Qrow has spent his whole life with his semblance, named after a Crow.
Raised by the Branwen bandit tribe.
“You and I are not the same, you don’t want the burden of my name” Both Branwen and Qrow are names that Qrow hates due to his semblance and past…
People may think of him as cool, but Qrow suffers from self-loathing.
So NO, the Bad Luck Charm song does NOT in fact allude to Qrow being Ruby’s father, but that Qrow hates himself, hence a major part of why he’s alcoholic.
Proof of which is his volume 6 exchange with Ozpin about being useful, which Qrow disagrees with, leading him to drink further. Yang literally said that she had never seen qrow so drunk before in v6.
And Ruby encourages his self-worth leading him to try giving up alcohol….
His alcoholism is tied to low-self-esteem, not relationships.
18. Manga Anthology
Taiyang was shown in the Manga Anthology to have shut down upon Summer’s Death. That impacted his relationship with Ruby and Yang. Qrow? Is relatively unaffected. The good Uncle helping around the house. Taiyang haters and Qrow stans took this to demand that Qrow is entitled to Ruby, despite Taiyang recovering and doing his best to be a father. Anything Qrow does is worshipped like Mother Teresa, while anything Taiyang does, good or bad, is downplayed and smashed. Taiyang loved Summer so much he was devastated by her death. Qrow was unaffected. Think about that.
19. “I like Brats” Why does Qrow spend time with kids he’s not related to? Because he likes kids. You know how there are adults who enjoy being around brats? That’s Qrow. He didn’t have romantic feelings for Summer, he liked being around her because she was like a kid. Similar to how Blake likes Ruby’s idealism? And trusts her leadership?
20. “Taiyang the 2-timer accusation”
A woman on youtube claimed that Taiyang was a 2-timer who cheated on raven with summer, as there was, in her and her friends’ minds, “no way that taiyang could be with half his team” When asked about TaiQrow as a joke, she was angered that people even ship TaiQrow.
But let me ask you this. Are you the same person you are now that you were 10 years ago? People claim that Qrow was somehow cool in beacon…because he’s cool now. But Taiyang, who raises two kids, and holds a job and a house…cannot be ruby’s father…because he’s not cool? And that somehow he was never cool? I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had to be cool to be a parent. I also had no idea people were only allowed to be in one relationship per lifetime. Raven freaking abandoned Tai for the tribe. Summer chose Taiyang over Qrow. People literally make Qrow out to be either an OC in a shipping fanfic, or a Naruto fanfic where Naruto is written to be fawned over by a girl whose canonical spouse, boyfriend, or male friend is somehow rewritten as evil.
1 year…..in 1 year since Raven abandoned Taiyang and Yang, Summer Rose the friend of Taiyang’s who he had known for 4 years, became more than a friend.
So no….Taiyang is not a two-timer…he moved on from Raven.
22. “Why can’t Taiyang talk about Summer?” To WHO? He’s barely got 15 minutes of screentime, and the writers did NOT do him any favors when they had Qrow demand he leave so Qrow could tell Ruby a secret Ozpin trusted him with, before telling Ruby to run away from home leaving only a freaking note. Terrible daughter. Even Yang was prepared to do the same! To a man whose first wife abandoned him! At least Weiss has a legit reason for acting as she does against Jacques, several at least. Ruby? No. Now why would Taiyang talk about Summer’s fighting style to Yang when trying to get her to stop acting like Raven in her fighting style and semblance? Sure if there was more time…but RT at the end of the day isn’t some money-hungry political entity, it’s a startup at the end of the day, they don’t have the ability to do a full anime episode. Also, Taiyang cannot go out on these active missions…he was a schoolteacher who did not do missions until only recently…he was retired, remember.
23. “These fanworks make more sense to me”
Qrow fans have tried using fanworks to justify their theory or ship, the same way Blacksun fans or Adam apologists make similar claims, and even Raven fans try to claim Raven is somehow a good mother. What do these fanworks do? Hate on Taiyang. Dismiss Ruby and Yang being half-blood siblings. Ignore multiple elements of the show or scenes. Occasionally shit-talk the writers.
Every time somebody tries to make a “rwby rewrite” or “rwby alt” or “Qrow is ruby’s father au” they cannot do it without completely rewriting the characters in so many forms and even the show, till Qrow, Raven, Taiyang, and Summer are NOTHING like they are in the show…And ONLY how a shipper wants qrow to be.
Or rewriting qrow to be nothing like he is in the show.
Most Alt or Rewrite consists of making Taiyang abusive, a cheater, or refusing to allow him to interact with Summer, while regularly pushing qrowxsummer at each other.
So no…it’s not that it makes sense to them through some fanart….a headcanon that has been debunked is no longer headcanon. A theory that is shut down is no longer a theory. There’s a reason anti-vaxxers and flat-earthers still exist. Because to them, their theories make more sense than reality. Which is why people still believe Qrow is Ruby’s father the same way people believe vaccines cause autism. Neither are true, and no amount of facts will shut them down, but they’re both popular theories.
24. “Qrow Rings and Cross”
People claim that Qrow was married to Summer or that his cross represents him mourning Summer. Did the STRQ photo, in v3, the same volume as his appearance, not show Qrow with his rings, his cross, and angrily scowling, while Summer was right next to Taiyang?
25. “What about Summer Rose’s choice?”
Remember how I said making Qrow’s character based on solely Ruby and Summer, ignoring everything regarding the tribe and ozpin giving him hope, and the grimm reaper…was bad writing? There’s a reason people hated v5. Raven was proven to be the deadbeat, Qrow was shown to have friends, and that Taiyang knew about Salem, and of course it was confirmed that Yang and Ruby again were sisters by Raven.
Now how about Summer? Team leader….took a man and a daughter who were abandoned by her friend…and made them her own. Yang calls Summer Rose “Supermom” and “Her Hero”…was literally willing to storm a bandit camp so Raven could use her portal to take Yang to Qrow, so she could get to Ruby. And yeah, I know the RWBY critics scream “why didn’t Yang just look for Ruby in Mistral?” It’s a bloody kingdom, and Yang was pursuing a lead, that Tai had given her, and Qrow told Yang he’d look after her sister. Remember that? Oh wait, RWBY Critics forget, my bad. Anyway, she’s more of a sister to Qrow than his blood sister Raven, she’s more of a mother to Yang than Raven, and she’s more of a spouse to Tai than Raven. Good Stepmother. Non-married couple. Relationship built on trust. Blood is not the same as family. (Example Weiss’s remark to her father) (Or Dom Toretto)
So making Summer into a throw-away character who dies so that a brooding jerk of an alcoholic can claim character development? Making a woman nothing except a throw-away for a man to get development is BAD WRITING. For God’s Sakes, even Pyrrha was written better than that! She interacted with team rwby, nora was always helping her out, and so was Ren (though those shakes are a crime against humanity” But when Qrow fans try to demand he’s ruby’s father? Their fanworks make Summer as much of a flat character as Preston Harvey from Fallout 4, where they make Summer unable to do anything but be obsessed with Qrow and having his child, similar to how Preston cannot think of anything other than “Another settlement needs your help, I’ll mark it on your pip-boy”
26. Finally, the accusations that CRWBY are lying.
“You have to be ****** if you believe CRWBY when they say Qrow isn’t Ruby’s father” “CRWBY is lying, it’s what writers do” “It’s okay for writers to lie, it’s good for plot” “I’d prefer it if CRWBY was lying to us” “Monty is dead, the writers should change it now” “Monty is dead, nothing else in the writing matters” “Monty was hiding the truth from us” “CRWBY is hiding the truth about Qrow being Ruby’s father” “It makes sense for CRWBY to lie to us” Look at this…Twitter, Youtube, Facebook, Tumblr, Reddit, instagram…. The first quote? Was a woman who was using an anti-autism anti-disability slur defending the theory. Never have I ever seen people so obsessed with a theory that they would deny reality and be rude to the very writers and original creator. But the QrowxSummer and Qrow is Ruby’s Father fandom group has made countless cases of this. THIS is how they defend their theory? And people upvote, like and support these remarks? SHAME SHAME SHAME
Conclusion:
I get how people desire qrow to be Ruby’s father for ships or fanfics.
Even to where they make Taiyang a hated character just for the sake of making sure nobody disagrees with them.
But the attacking of RWBY and CRWBY, claiming that “this needs to be fixed”, or getting angry at RT for not giving you the non-canon ship you want? Claiming that just because you want it to be so, that somehow your ship/theory has “validity?”
That reflects poorly on the fandom and critics.
But then again…. It’s easy to ignore what’s real and what’s a fact that when theorists and ship-pushers and CRWBY Haters on youtube tells you to stop listening to monty and the writers, and instead believe whatever you want and claim whatever you want, Because surely you know what’s better for the show than the people who worked on it, right? Ha ha ha, no. THAT is the ULTIMATE disrespect somebody calling themselves a fan could ever give. And if you think or agree with that type of logic, you should look in the mirror.
I looked for backup sources to defend CRWBY and RWBY, you’ll find them below.
Backup sources include:
https://aminoapps.com/c/rwby/page/blog/qrow-is-not-rubys-dad/422o_0rbCYuoXj36VoB7obK3MXPZRbPKkz5
https://aminoapps.com/c/rwby/page/blog/why-the-qrow-is-rubys-father-theory-is-wrong/z668_nQlIxu0dmRdRpEPxqE3qlWlZEmoE2
https://aminoapps.com/c/rwby/page/blog/qrow-cant-possibly-be-rubys-and-heres-why/8BB5_LPVCmu2bonkw8eEP3Yokg8m8zJlgNV
https://aminoapps.com/c/rwby/page/blog/why-qrow-isnt-rubys-father/lXXx_5QoUQuPVGo3Wgko3wJ52mMBl7644P
https://aminoapps.com/c/rwby/page/blog/is-qrow-rubys-father-short-answer-no/422o_0rbCYupDKezxPxpdje7dRn3nB8YvZ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPbft3KJd6o
https://aminoapps.com/c/rwby/page/blog/qrow-is-rubys-dad-theory-debunk/d33g_pQEcbu1NKQoMEv0kmDpP6N8bmowkkq
#strq#rwby strq#TEAM STRQ#rwby#rwby ruby#ruby rose#yang xiao long#taiyang xiao long#Summer Rose#rwby summer rose#rwby summer lovin#qrow is not ruby's father#Summer is Yang's Mother#ruby and yang are sisters#taiyang x summer#crwby#canon vs fanon#uncle qrow#qrow#qrow branwen#raven branwen#xiao long rose family#xiao long rose#MontyOum#AllHailMontyOum#rwby seasonal depression#rwby canon
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Spirited Away
Credit to @/bakugoukatsuki-rising for posting the original. I took a look at Audrey’s tweet of the interview with Horikoshi concerning his art for the exhibition, and immediately set out to watch the movie Spirited Away for context.
If you haven’t watched it, I highly recommend it. I was crying before the climax even happened.
When Horikoshi said to pay attention to Uraraka and Deku falling, I was confused. They’re obviously falling, and while there’s plenty of symbolism in the act of falling, I wasn’t convinced that it was everything that was going on here.
Horikoshi also said that this artwork took him the longest, and because of that, and the implication that this was inspired by a film, there was something tugging at my gut telling me there was more. So I sat down at 2am through a near 3 hour film, I wanted to know the context behind some of the things I saw.
I noticed some details in the work prior to watching the movie:
Uraraka is crying while smiling
Deku isn’t crying, which is a huge deal
They’re severely wounded and yet seem content
The world around them is completely intact
They both have floating quirks, and aren’t using them. They’re falling on purpose.
These details just weren’t adding up to me, I couldn’t explain it. Looking at this art work makes me want to cry, and I couldn’t even tell if I wanted to cry because I was sad or happy. It felt like a moment of mourning and acceptance, not loss.
And then I watched the movie.
Oh Horikoshi, you’re terrible at being subtle. The painting is supposed to be a direct reflection from a scene in the movie:
Spirited Away at its core is a movie about unconditional, endless love and generosity. Studio Ghibli films in general are an amazing way to explore the different facets of love that people are capable of.
There aren’t any immediate comparisons to make between the spirit world and the quirk society, there are completely different takeaways from these two settings. The same is applicable to the relationship between Kohaku/Chihiro and Izuchako.
Izuchako is a story about the most tragic form of unrequited love. A love that is difficult to exist not because it can’t be felt between them but because of the burden Izuku carries, and the promise Ochako made to herself.
On the flip side, Chihiro feels that she has always loved Kohaku, even before they met in the spirit world. Kohaku has also always loved her, because despite forgetting his own name, he never forgot Chihiro’a even after years had passed.
As individuals, the characters couldn’t be more different. Kohaku is a powerful lost spirit in search of learning the ways of Yubaba. Izuku was born powerless in a world full of superpowers. Kohaku appears to be cold and arrogant to those around him while caring on the inside. Izuku wears his heart on his sleeve, and openly cares about everyone he meets.
Chihiro is a young girl who was given everything she needed by her parents. Ochako grew up in poverty and picked up habits to ease the monetary burden on her parents.
So while their relationship and characters seem to be vastly different from each other, it certainly means:
There was something about the falling scene that compelled Horikoshi to draw Izuchako.
So what is the significance of this scene?
There are certainly many ways to symbolize the act of falling, but what was the context here?
Chihiro revealing Kohaku’s real name to him causes his dragon scales to scatter like petals, and they begin to fall from the sky together. Kohaku reaches out to her in his now human form and grasps her hands, and they share the story of how they met.
The falling here symbolizes freedom and celebration. Kohaku is perfectly capable of flying, but he takes a moment of complete joy, complete freedom, and shares that moment with Chihiro. They are not afraid of the world beneath them, Chihiro trusts Kohaku with her entire being, and Kohaku would never let Chihiro go. There was no reason to be afraid of falling.
The freedom here is that now Kohaku knows his real name, he’s gotten the power of his life back, and he can be freed from the spirit world. More than anything it solidifies that he and Chihiro will meet again someday.
And then, Chihiro says this:
I personally don’t believe that Chihiro was letting go of Haku in this moment. This was the consolidation of their love for each other. Chihiro always wanted to be reunited with her parents and go back to the human world. This was the moment they realized they’d be able to see each other again.
Later, when Kohaku promises they’d meet again and he tells her to walk away from the spirit world and not look back once, she listened. Her only chance to see him again was to turn back and look before she left, and while she almost did for a second, she forced herself not to. She trusted they would meet again, and left the spirit world without looking back.
The details I noticed before watching the movie clicked in my head.
In the Izuchako painting, the world around them is completely intact because it’s meant to be. It means the world is at peace in this moment. Or that it didn’t matter what was going on, but considering how much care was out into depicting such a perfectly untouched world makes me think it was meant to be seen as peaceful, especially how he painted the sky.
They are falling despite having the capability of flight because that moment belongs to them, and them only.
Their wounds are the physical manifestations of the scars they bear from their journey to become heroes.
And they’re content because:
It feels like Izuku is saying “It’s okay, I’m here.” And Uraraka is saying. “I’m so happy you are.”
In any case, this is just my interpretation of it. There are HUNDREDS of them all bearing equal weight: this could mean Uraraka letting go of her feelings just as much as it could mean them falling in love. There are people saying Chihiro was letting go of Kohaku because she was going to return to the human world, which is also possible. All of them, they’re all beautiful theories but this is the one I stick to because it feels right in my heart.
As for the reason I felt mourning, it was just my own bkdk heart breaking.
#jmeta#mha#my hero academia#ochako uraraka#midoriya izuku#izuchako#izuchaco#izuocha#deku#boku no hero academia#bnha
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RIIIIIIIIIGHT SO.
I just finished chapter 13 of Dog At The Door and holy hot cross buns batman if you're not reading this fic you NEED to. It's literally one of the best written fics I have ever read in my life and I've been reading fanfiction for over 15 years, lol.
I went back and reread the entire fic to lead up to chapter 13 and I decided to treat it like I used to treat things I had to read in college so I took notes as I went and please I am warning you this post is incredibly long. Almost 3k words. PLEASE do not hit that "read more" button unless you're good with having to scroll past it all and also spoilers ahead. Proceed with caution.
~*~
Rereading Dog at the Door reactions (spoilers, obviously):
· Doc finding Ren’s body to be cold and for a second thinking he’s actually dead—my heart
· “That’s Ren, alive and kicking.” Oh…no, Doc. No it’s not.
· The first “Where is my hand?” hits different the second time through
· Gah the ice and winter imagery ALL over the place—my English degree brain wants to watch and see if that shifts to warmth at any point as we go? Thoughts for future Red to think.
· It’s fascinating to me to see Doc constantly thrust into the prey role. This is a guy who is very much not that person normally, but something about the Red King is beyond anything he’s really encountered before—or at least not since Dinnerbone—and it pushes him into an entirely new role that he clearly chafes in
· “I should get back to work on your new arm soon,” he says, making a mental note to add claws to the fingertips. Honestly Doc why tho. XD
· “It feels like something Ren would want him to do.” </3
· Side note: I just watched Doc’s freaking hour long shulker farm vid, and that’s making it a lot easier to hear his voice in this fic
· I’m more curious about the hand.” New Ren laughs a bit at his own words, as though there’s something funny about that phrasing. I MISSED THIS LINE THE FIRST TIME THROUGH
· The bead curtain being cursed hippie treasure XD
· The fact that Doc just so quickly accepts that Ren is gone—maybe not permanently, but at least for now—is kind of heartbreaking. Because you know he hasn’t really accepted it, he’s just… deciding not to feel anything about it. Just nod and move on and pretend you don’t need to stop and cope with the possible/probable death of your best friend and the fact that Someone Else is wearing his skin. That’s so sad.
· “high-fiving the finished hand with his own metal hand.” Aww… Doccy.
· “He shoos away the images of New Ren holding him up by the throat supervillain-style and turns around.” Hmmmmmmm want that fanart. Scary New Ren/RK is good stuff. (post-chapter-13 Red popping in with a WHAT THE HECK)
· “that makes him seem like a ghost in Ren’s body.” YA KNOW. LIKE HE IS.
· Okay side note time: why is the Red King here? Ya know? Like – in 3rdLife the idea of a possessing spirit of bloodlust makes some sense. But why stick around? Was RK trying to escape the 3L server, or was this not deliberate? At what point did he take over from Ren—at Black Heart Altar? In which case, was the whole idea Ren’s to begin with, or was he influenced? Maybe it happened the first time Ren died? The Red King took over then—or at least started to? Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts, thoughts…
· Wait more theories—what if RK is connected to the ????? entity that spoke to Martyn when he died? In which case, cMartyn said he was considering making that canonically a Watcher (he ended up not doing it, but he also didn’t do anything that contradicted it either). I’m not saying RK is a Watcher… but boy he sure does stare a lot, don’t he.
· Holding the screwdriver like a dagger—mmmm
· Okay funny thought: all this frost, RK’s gonna need to be real careful about rust lol. And straining the metal, tbh, all that freezing and thawing is going to have an effect but the rust idea is making me laugh
· Until I realized it would look like blood and it’s not funny anymore
· “Renbob is in the beanbag stuffed next to the driver’s seat” right so is this where Renbob sleeps because I have been wondering—
· “something about having two people look like Ren when neither of them are makes Doc stop to take a shaky breath” *sob*
· “Renbob clears his throat, looking up at Doc with a smile that is so obviously fake that it hurts.” Ugh the LOT of you stop repressing everything you’ll give yourselves a collective hernia
· “he’ll probably have to break the news to the other hermits, too, Iskall and False and all the others.” All these painful lines I somehow missed the first time through
· Awww warm air comes in when Renbob opens the door—with the flowers and everything, Renbob is so easily associated with spring, I love this contrast.
· Aaand there it is, yup, RK is shocked to see his face on Renbob, and Renbob is shocked to see that this is so clearly Not Ren.
· They both recover pretty quickly, though. Survivors, both of them.
· RK calls Renbob their “ferryman” and I’m not sure if I was supposed to get “crossing the river Styx” vibes from that But I Did. (does RK think he’s dead? That they’re all dead?) (post-chapter-13 Red here with a little bit of wordless screaming.) (and also a bit of pride that I picked up on this.)
· “And what a help you’ve been! Fixing me up, replacing my hand.” Hi yes, 911? there’s a dagger stabbed into my feels.
· “he’d rather remember rage than see another person’s heart break.” Dang that’s such a raw line. Oof.
· ��the Red King says, his voice hoarse with tears.” Really interesting that this blood deity can feel such emotions—like, anger or even fear, I can get. But to see this entity upset to the point of tears is fascinating.
· “There is a crown on Doc’s workbench.” Right, yeah so like—is RK unwillingly manifesting these artifacts? Because that’s wild, man. …how long before he manifests an “enchanter”?
· “I’ve never seen it [the crown] clean before.” Okay that definitely implies that maybe RK didn’t come around until after Black Heart Altar?
· “The Red King has the crown in his lap when Doc turns back around, claws gently tracing over the engravings, leaving frost patterns behind.” I really wish I had art skills because there’s this image in my head of a drawing of the crown held in RK’s hands, with his face (one eye glowing, one in shadow) reflected in the surface, and frost patterns following behind a claw that’s daintily tracing the surface. But I can’t draw so—
· RK asks for a change of clothes. What was he wearing when they rescued him, I wonder? The Red King outfit with the fur capelet? Or Ren’s Stargazer outfit? Which begs the question: where does Stargazer fit into all this? Was Ren’s return to Hermitcraft RK free, but when he came so close to dying to Sith, RK found that as a gateway to take over? (Post-13 Red here, Looking Intently at this note.)
· Awww… the image of a one-legged RK clutching new clothes to his chest and hopping down to change in the bathroom… That’s weirdly endearing. He’s less menacing when he stands up somehow. Less lurking, maybe.
· Oooohhhhh he messed up his back sleeping on the floor. Gotcha.
· Doc keeps telling himself (and RK) that saving him and working on these parts is “the right thing to do” and while he’s not WRONG I just want to see him realize that it’s not only the right thing, it’s realistically the only thing, because if he didn’t, then he’d have to deal with the fact that he’s lost his best friend and we can’t have that.
· “I don’t need to eat” ummmmmm no hold on this definitely implies that RK is possessing a dead body and I’m not okay with that where is Ren
· LOLOL “I can’t stand to see [you do] this” is such a raw line to be about watching Doc eat cereal with his hands
· “The voice doesn’t belong to who he thinks it does.” Ugh, Doc. This isn’t the first time he’s lost a close friend to Something Else, something otherworldly.
· “All of them are waiting for him, waiting for him to do something more, something better—” aaand there it is. Doc’s characterization in this fic in a single sentence.
· Doc waking up and thinking he’s seeing Ren and RK’s hesitation and the gentle “I’m not Ren”—OH MY HEART
· RK’s coffee = Renbob’s friendship bracelets
· Randomly can I just say that I love how RK’s dialog is all in italics? It concerned me at first because I thought it was going to keep pulling me out of the narrative, but instead it really just feels right. Also I’m looking forward to the moment when he says something and it’s not in italics because it’s REN and oh my lands please give this to me I beg you (post-13 Red here with a bit more mindless screaming)
· “watch your tongue with me, Atlas, because I’m the one person you can pass the sky to.” Okay okay okay—English studies brain coming out. This suggests that there is a burden RK and Doc can share: something Doc is currently struggling against that only RK can help him with. In the moment, I don’t know if this is really fair of RK to say—after all, Doc does technically have Renbob too, if we’re just talking about Doc’s unhealthy coping mechanisms. In fact, if that’s the context, then Renbob is a much better fellow-Atlas because he and Doc have known each other much longer and they’re both dealing with the loss of Ren. BUT, knowing about the upcoming conversation where Doc and RK both realize that they’ve lost someone (Ren for Doc, Martyn for RK) this line suddenly has a lot more weight. Again, I don’t think that in that moment RK quite has the right to pull this zinger. But in later context, it turns out to be true after all. They are the only two with this particular shared pain.
· Doc upset with himself because he can’t get over his “stupid hang-ups” DOC MY LAD. “I’ve lost my best friend, you’re in his body, and I don’t know how to process any of these emotions” is not a “stupid hang-up” PLEASE stop blaming yourself for everything!?
· “I’m so tired” in the middle of his nightmare—oh my gosh. That hurts so much for some reason.
· I also very much wish I had the ability to draw the image of Doc with tears on his face, staring dead-eyed down at his workbench while RK looms over from behind, pinning his wrists to the table with one metal arm and one frost-bitten one, a look of exasperation and concern on his face. Why can’t I draw the things
· “How do you know Etho” “I watched him die.” OW ow ow ow ow
· Doc takes this as calmly as only someone used to living in a world where death has low consequences can. Oh. Oh—that means… huh. Doc isn’t used to losing people permanently on any basis, especially not death. So no wonder he doesn’t know how to process Ren being gone (I can’t bear to write “dead” there). He literally doesn’t have context for it… and what context he DOES have is like—I mean, Etho and Bdubs came back. Ouch.
· “Twenty-five.” The Red King makes the number sound like a threat. Yet another banger line I missed the first time through. Imagine waking up and thinking you’re in 3rd Life again but instead of 14 players there’s almost twice that many and you think you don’t know any of them.
· I still don’t quite understand the “when was etho added/should have known there was something different” bit or why RK is so emotional about it… but I have trust that it’ll make sense at some point. (post-13 Red: ...is this something about the fact that he thinks he's dead...so he thinks Etho has died before? Like, that 3rd Life wasn't Etho's first hardcore? ...I feel like I'm almost grasping this but I'm missing an element somewhere.)
· And now a sword. RK. My man. You need to stop manifesting things—especially when they scare the ever-living daylights out of you.
· I absolutely adore the in-universe lore that Fire Aspect is a PvP enchantment because it threatens dropped loot, and yeah I very well might steal that. (Along with something I read at one point who-even-knows-where that Knockback is a coward’s enchantment, because I love that too.)
· He really shouldn’t. / Doc picks up the sword by the scabbard and hands it to him, hilt extended. Doc you already trust this guy so much and you don’t even know it—but is it just because you still subconsciously trust the face he wears? Or is it something deeper?
· Ugh, the “I was supposed to kill someone for him” conversation/scene is SO FREAKING GOOD
· “I don’t want it. Not like the crown.” Why, though? Why doesn’t he want it? Because it’s more to do with death than kingship? OH. Oh, I hadn’t even considered that. I’ve been thinking of RK as this like, god of blood and vengeance but maybe he’s not. Maybe he hates the bloodshed (“the blood! It’s drippin’ in me eyes… I’ve been blinded by the violence…”) just as much—more?—than Ren did/would have. Huh. That’s a new facet.
· Oh my heart the “have you ever lost someone and it was your fault” line. Dagger to the feels. Dagger to the feels.
· This like… “I’m on a roll and even though I know I should stop I really don’t want to” mode? Man. That’s relatable. Especially when you’re working to avoid dealing with something else.
· “Not making it for you—it’s for Ren” oh ouch ouch ouch the denial suddenly breaks through it’s okay, Doc I’m with you on this
· The second time reading through it’s far clearer that Doc has a blind panic attack here—when he starts rambling that Ren’s coming back, he’ll be there for season eight and RK goes to…do whatever he was going to do and Doc just blanks out. The manic productivity should have been a warning sign, the poor guy is crumbling.
· “Doctor” and “he’s not sure he deserves that title right now” UGH Doc needs a hug someone please hug him and tell him it’s all going to be okay. Someone please hug me and tell me it’s all going to be okay.
· “his hand on his throat” over the scar from the Red Winter axe? </3
· “I did do that. I have done that.” RK admitting to it actually having been him in Doc’s nightmares?
· Okay sorry the conversation about beating Dinnerbone will never not be funny to me
· RK mentions that people used to call him m’lord or Ren, and then mere minutes later you have “Ren. You couldn’t save him because of me, could you?” He knows exactly what’s going on here. Not maliciously, but he’s no dense-head, he’s put the pieces together. (post-13 Red: MOST of the pieces. Most of them.)
· Watching Doc slowly stop fighting his nightmares—like, the first time, he fights. The second time, he accepts it but still struggles. And this time… this time he gives up before it even starts. That hurts, man.
· Good grief the whole “get my head chopped off” / “you really don’t want that” bit. O.O I’m not sure what emotion I’m feeling but I’m Feeling An Emotion.
· “Snow’s new. Dream’s not.” </3
· …Doc’s not gonna be a fan of snowier-snow after this trip…
· "Dr. M77" Actually he’s Doc Monster, RK, but we’ll let it go. XD
· OKAY BUT THIS EXCHANGE? The “how are you feeling” / “better” / “you’re a bad liar” / “I said better not great” that’s such a good exchange and I don’t know why every other time I’ve ever seen it used they stop at the lying accusation? Doc with the snappy comebacks, man.
· Aaah, Doc and RK, two establishment bros bonding over a shared disdain for hippies.
· The bit about the fella who wore an iron helmet and called it a powdered wig—fear is in my heart. *shoves Scar into an obsidian box and blocks it closed*
· “Who was Ren to you?” </3
· Doc is more than willing to spread the flames, to sear his loss into RK’s bones. / The king’s face stops him. Ren’s face stops him. Holy CRAP is that a good set of lines. So much going on there, and ALL of it good.
· Again. I wish I could draw. I would draw RK sitting on the edge of the bed, gently hugging a collapsed-in-on-himself Doc. </3
· “And I hate the devil that forced us apart, that mixed my blood with his.” *adds another layer to Scar’s obsidian fort*
· OKAY STARTING CHAPTER THIRTEEN I made the mistake of logging into Tumblr earlier and saw people screaming so I’m sure I’m not ready for this but here we go
· Oh no RK has been hippie-ified
· “You started a paramilitary organization because you have hay fever?” *dies laughing*
· Ugh I need to go back and watch s6 I’ve only seen the tail end of Mumbo’s side of things and there’s so much I don’t know.
· HAHAHAHAH I do know the trident bit though—
· Wait he said Scar
· PANIC
· “Kingslayer. bloodthirsty. Time King. The coward. And the mastermind behind it all, the loyal soldier to the very end, the whole damn reason either of us are in this mess.”
· HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP HOLY—
· “Is this the afterlife I deserve? After everything, this is the hell I’m going to endure?” I AM SCREAMING
· Doc pinned to the wall with ice, struggling to breathe—I CAN’T WHAT IS HAPPENING
· ((You know I’d get through this a lot faster if I stopped pausing to write reactions—))
· “A break in the ice. A whisper of spring.” Symbolism. Symbolism.
· “Ren was dead when I found him again,” NO I REFUSE TO READ THIS
· “don’t use the hand I built you to hurt yourself” DOC. SIR. MY HEART.
· RK don't run, RK get back here—what are you—
·
·
· I
· JUST
· ACTUALLY
· SCREAMED
· AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
· *several long moments of just breathing*
·
·
·
· *rereads*
· Holy crap on a garbage cracker with an extra serving of what-the-heck sauce
· REN
· REN
· Okay lol okay hahaha calming down
· I literally threw myself back in my chair away from the computer reading that last paragraph. I don't usually... physically react to things I read. LOL. Heh. I’m. Ah. I’m not emotionally invested in this or anything.
· Holy crap.
· Okay. Okay. Okay.
· Um.
· Great chapter, guys. Awesome stuff. Really good. I’m absolutely okay right now and it’s all totally fine.
· …please enjoy your break and get lots of rest and I very much look forward to the return of this fic you have no idea.
· I need to go breathe for a little bit.
EDIT: no, you know what--I'm not going to be a nice polite fangirl over here and quietly hope y'all see this I'm straight up tagging you, @fluffy-papaya and @betweenlands. THANK YOU but also how dare.
#The only reason I'm even posting this is for my own remembering later#and i guess if fluffy or solar want to see my mindless ramblings -- go nuts#long post#redwinterreacts#redwintertalks#dog at the door
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Theory: What if Tsukasa was a good guy?
All right, first time that I’m throwing out a theory, (with the assistance of @trish-chan!) so forgive me if I’m tripping on my words. Okay, so, theory time. (Also, to avoid confusion, I call No.7 by Hanako, and pre-death by Amane)
When I say Tsukasa was a good guy, I mean as in a good bro before he died. I think the current consensus is that Tsukasa was the one abusing Amane (theorized to be in varying degrees…), but what if he wasn’t the one behind it? What if Tsukasa ended up becoming corrupted or messed up in some way?
This ended up really really long, so the whole this is under the cut...
First, let’s focus on how they were alive. What was their relationship like? Well, we know they were close, at least. There’s this one bit in the Tanabata arc where little Amane says that Tsukasa will get violent if interrupted.
However, in the official translations it says that he’ll throw a fit. Y’know, like an excitable little kid.
It also says that he’s playing katanuki, and he LOVES katanuki, so we can assume he wouldn’t want to be interrupted. (Also, Hanako loves katanuki too!)
But other than that, we don’t really see them being brothers in the past, do we. Right…?
WRONG! Something I completely overlooked before were the volume sleeve illustrations.
Also, in this (^) illustration, I’d like to point out that the Tsukasa’s radio and Hanako’s kokeshi doll are sitting on the chest of drawers!
Something to note in these illustrations (and also the Tanabata arc) is that Amane is happy and there are no signs of bruising anywhere either. So at least as little kids, no form of abuse is present.
Also, something else I noticed:
He says that “WE believe it’s real.” Tsuchigomori said that he doesn’t have friends, and he’s obviously not referring to Tsuchigomori here. Tsukasa is the only one left he could be referring to in this “we”. They both were enthusiastic about this rock that supposedly fell from the sky, ever since they were four.
I feel like I’m grasping at straws in this part, but why would Amane include a third party unless they were important? Especially when it comes to something so sentimental to him.
Next, we have the picture from the Kamome school orientation.
Nothing here either. Just the two holding hands, and Amane is still bright-eyed. Note that they are alone. We know the Minamoto siblings live alone, but Mitsuba and Nene both have parents with them. The Yugi twins don’t. Another theory was that Amane’s parents were abusing him and they just favored Tsukasa, but this can allow us to presumably scratch that.
So that means any harm to Amane happened somewhere between here and his death. So, let’s make a time frame, hmm? We know Amane died around age 13. What age is he here…? Well we know he just entered Middle school, the first level Kamome provides for. What age…
Wow. That lines up perfectly.
This leads into the next major part of the theory.
We all know that Kamome is incredibly “haunted.” Filled to the brim with supernaturals. So, what if these two got caught up in supernatural business and things went south?
Originally this was a theory on proving Tsukasa wasn’t the one abusing Amane, but now I’m possibly considering that it was him. However, he wasn’t fully there, or something caused him to go mad.
In this part, Hanako is reciting a part of Mori Ogai’s “Takasebune”. (Credit to @nanabansama for finding that out!) In the story, a man is being exiled for a crime he committed. He seems kind so the police escort is wondering what he did. Turns out, he and his little brother were orphaned when they were young. At some point after growing up and working together, his brother fell ill. He came home one day to find out that his brother tried to kill himself so he wouldn’t be a burden. The man had finished the job for his brother, essentially putting him out of his misery.
We can draw some parallels to Hanako from this.
The man has a little brother that he killed
Absence of parents, this makes it likely that Hanako and Tsukasa’s parents are dead.
The man is being punished for what he’s done and is fully accepting of what has to happen to him as a consequence. In the man’s case, being exiled, and in Hanako’s case, being mediator for human and supernatural relations.
Perhaps from this we can draw that Hanako killed Tsukasa to put him out of his misery.
(Also, something really interesting, Ogai is spelled 鴎外. 鴎 is pronounced “Ou”, however alone it is pronounced “KAMOME”! While we’re on the subject, kamome means seagull. I had no idea why the school would be named that, but I would not be surprised if this were the reason!)
@daikon-senpai has pointed out that we can see a reoccurring “hole” in Hanako’s stomach. There’s a high likeliness that he killed himself after killing Tsukasa.
There’s a traditional method of suicide called seppuku, where one would slit their stomach to bleed out (though they would usually have someone cut their neck for efficiency and to minimize suffering). One of the reasons one would commit seppuku were if someone committed a crime or had brought shame on themselves. Both of which would be a likely reason Amane would have killed himself, and he even still carries intense guilt now as Hanako.
[UPDATE: I had made a post about how it appears that Hanako pulls his knife out from his stomach, something absent from the anime. Some of the earlier instances can look like he’s pulling out from his gakuran, so here’s a more obvious example:
@shweshishweh and @spades-queen have additionally pointed out that in some official art Hanako is depicted with a bandage over his stomach and Tsukasa with a bandage over his heart (or a heart that is damaged, as shown in the Valentine’s Day art).
With this information, not only can we assume Hanako died from wounds on his stomach, but also that Tsukasa likely died from an injury to his heart.
END OF UPDATE]
Speaking of guilt-
It’s believed that when Hanako cries while confronting Tsukasa, he’s afraid because he’s with his abuser again. I doubt this is true at all. He hasn’t cried since the Mitsuba Arc, though he still locks up briefly.
Obviously Hanako holds a ton of guilt from what he did to Tsukasa, so of course he would freeze up when the dude comes out of no where and is like, “Long time no see!!” He’s being confronted with what he did, front and center. No amount of jokes can distract him from it. There’s no avoiding it. After Tsukasa had entered the picture for a while, Hanako stops reacting so strongly, as he’s more prepared for it. (This was pointed out to me by @trish-chan!)
It’s also possible that Tsukasa is acting the messed-up way he was before he died, and Hanako is realizing that death really didn’t free him from it. He’s mortified at what’s happened to his brother.
Another thing she’s pointed out was that currently, Tsukasa hasn’t hurt Hanako. Not physically, at least. If he was the one hurting him then, why not now? It’s not like he’s hiding being violent in front of people. Let’s see… he turned Mitsuba into a monstrosity, nearly killed Kou, ripped out No. 3’s heart, totally would have turned Nene into a bloody pulp, killed the pufferfish into a bloody mess, and he’s finger painted with blood (who knows where that came from) among various other psychotic things.
Last thing I have here is a kind of lose connection, but worth including, nonetheless.
Only Tsukasa and No. 6 are creepy black mokke. I can’t bring myself to believe that AidaIro would do that for no reason. I wouldn’t question it if it were only Tsukasa, but now No. 6 is in the mix.
This actually made me think of possible connections that Tsukasa has to No. 6. After all, who has a giant gaping hole to the far shore and has messed with someone’s head so hard they basically tried to murder their childhood friend? Is it possible that No. 6 did something to Tsukasa, for whatever reason?
We don’t know enough about No. 6 currently to really be conclusive about this, though. Could both of them been corrupted somehow?
UPDATE ON THIS PART: Since I’ve first posted this, more chapters with No. 6, or Shinigami, have been released. While I have even more doubts that he and Tsukasa have any direct connection than before, I still think there are some shared aspects. Sumire’s seal is probably the most major revelation, now that it’s pretty much confirmed that Tsukasa is a yorishiro. If we assume Tsukasa is Hanako’s yorishiro, then that’s something in common with Sumire and Shinigami. But then wouldn’t Hanako be a black mokke?
This makes me think that that particular connection isn’t the shared aspect Tsukasa and Shinigami have. Perhaps it’s just something that hasn’t been revealed yet (or I haven’t picked up on lol). Something else interesting of note is the fact that Tsukasa has been completely absent this entire arc. His only sort-of presence is through Natsuhiko, who we still don’t know the motives of. We also don’t know how the Tsukasa+Sakura+Natsuhiko+Mitsuba quartet have been dealing with the Severance.
So, there are a lot of questions yet to be answered so I’m not dismissing this idea yet.
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So, in a nutshell, this theory is: Hanako and Tsukasa were good brothers, until they got caught up with supernaturals after entering Kamome. This may have caused Tsukasa to go crazy, and hurt Amane at the same time. This leads to Amane killing Tsukasa. Possibly out of self-defense or putting him out his misery. Following this, Amane kills himself. ~50 years later, present Kamome Academy. Tsukasa makes his way to the near shore and either gets corrupted or was never freed from whatever ailed him when he was alive at the school.
I’m realizing now that this would also explain this:
“Tsukasa is not himself. I know that. So I forgive it.” But we all know that Amane/Hanako is too cryptic and secretive to actually say that.
#jibaku shounen hanako kun#jshk#jshk spoilers#toilet bound hanako kun#tbhk#tbhk spoilers#tsukasa yugi#hanako kun#amane yugi#hahaha yes i think i stan tsukasa
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DAY 2: FAVORITE BL DRAMA
I have quite a few... I can’t choose just one so bare with me lol
Life Senjou No Bokura
Synopsis According to MyDramaList: One day after school, the serious Ito and the child-like Nishi meet by chance, as each endeavors to remain walking on the sidewalk`s white line. As time goes by, Ito recognizes he is drawn to Nishi in a way that is new to him. Nishi, for his part, is frustrated that they only get to meet on the sidewalk. Ito decides to act upon his feelings and kisses a surprised Nishi, who agrees they need to walk side by side for a change. The sparks between them are undeniable as their relationship blossoms in high school, survives the college years, and matures into adulthood. A deeply moving work that bears witness to loving partners, whose unchanging feelings must co-exist within a world of changing realities.
My Personal Thoughts: I already wrote a review for this so I am going to re-share some of those thoughts here. This is one that I have watched countless times already. They went by the manga for mostly all of the episodes and I appreciated seeing that. They gave more context for certain details that may have been lost while reading the manga and translated it to screen. I think they depicted the age gaps well too. For 4 episodes only, I feel that they did a great job including the most important aspects. Actually now that I think of it, I would have loved to see more of them in their early 20s depicted on screen because that was like one of there honeymoon phases and I’m a hopeless romantic lol but that’s just a personal preference not complaining. Also, the show stopped at age 40 and they could have gone on throughout there entire lives but I understand why they chose not too. The manga is great as well!!! I think that the main actors depicted beautiful true love very well. They had amazing chemistry. Japanese BL’s have that special spark about them that I love. I also loved that it showed there relationship from high school till there later years. I don’t see that a lot with BL’s. They usually just stick to one time period. The aspect about them being connected by a line in relation to there love was a nice touch as well. I am glad that it has a happy ending as well. This is a pretty quick one to watch and a great one at that!!! If you haven’t watched it yet, I would highly recommend it!!!
I Told Sunset About You
Synopsis According to MyDramaList: Teh and Oh-aew were best friends until a boyhood line of reasoning turned them into rivals. Years later as they're preparing for university admissions, both pursuing interests in the field of Communication Arts, the two meet in a Chinese language class. Their reunion awakens complicated and unstable feelings.
My Personal Thoughts: Same as above, I already wrote a review for this so I am going to re-share some of those thoughts here. This is DEFINITELY one of my top BL shows of the year 2020. This is such a beautiful masterpiece of a show!!! I remember when the preview trailer first came out… I was already hooked!!! I was on the lookout for it and it did not disappoint me one bit when it finally started. I looked forward to seeing it every week. It made me feel all of the emotions. I was up here sitting in my room crying over everything. I don’t think any other BL has made me this emotional before in my life. The two lead actors really DELIVERED!!! I could feel every single stare, every single body movement, and every single touch. You could cut the TENSION with a knife!!! No one couldn’t tell me that there wasn’t a magnetic true love between these two. I know this sounds cliche but it's like they were destined to be together from when they were childhood friends. Also, I would love to see them in future projects!!! The cinematography in this show is TOP FREAKIN NOTCH!!! Every single scene is just so beautifully shot. The cinematography alone makes me want to cry lol I saw somewhere that someone said the filming of the show reminded them of an indie film and I totally agree!!! The writing and directing on this show was impeccable to me!!! No cringy dialogue and every single line served its purpose well. This is movie grade writing. I also wanted to quickly just say that I loved the attention and callback to details throughout like with the tutoring book that Teh made for Oh-aew that was left empty by the end of episode 4, the flower that was supposed to be colored the same as Tan’s garment but Teh colored it red because he was thinking of Oh-aew, the rubbing of Oh-aew’s back when he sniffles, the references to Teh’s favorite actor, and the use of Chinese phrases to get meaning across. I could go on and on but wow I just loved how they really connected all of the details throughout. I can’t wait for Season 2!!!
Theory of Love
Synopsis According to MyDramaList: Third is a filmology major and a member of the Savage Team along with his best friends Two, Bone, and Khai, but he has a secret. Third has been secretly in love with Khai for years. For three years, he has kept his secret love in his heart, silently supporting and loving Khai while knowing there is absolutely no future between them since Khai is as straight as a streetlight pole and also an absolute player. To make matters worse, Khai has a "no dating friends" policy. How long can Third love Khai silently while watching Khai bring a different girl home every night? Third has tried to see Khai as just a friend. But has failed time and time again. Because as easy as it is to fall in love, to stop is just as hard. Maybe even harder. That is until Third learns a secret that breaks his heart completely. But when Third decides to stop, Khai decides to start.
My Personal Thoughts: As sad as this show can make me feel at times, I love rewatching it. I still to this day think that it is one of the most well written BL’s that I have seen. Everything flows nicely and everything connects. Your not left wondering how you got from point A to point B. I thought the show had great character development especially when it came to Khai’s character towards the end of series. I know a lot of people had mixed feelings about his character due to how careless and dare I say stupid he acted at times but if he can make the audience hate him that much as a character... I would say he is doing something right!!! Gun’s acting never fails to amaze me!!! He really is one of the best actors I have seen. I know he had to be drained from all of that crying that he did throughout the show though lol It just goes to show that when you truly love someone you can’t just stop what you are feeling inside that easily no matter how the other person feels about you or treats you. As the old saying goes, love is blind. I also loved the friend group as well and Two and Bones side stories with the teacher and crush from school. They added to the shows greatness and didn’t take away from it. The friendship dynamics throughout the show was I feel something that really kept me engaged. The cast acted well together. There was no awkwardness or hesitation. I feel everyone bought there best for this drama. They incorporated the movie references so cleverly and I love how the title of each episode was the title of a real romance film. Just the overall theme of film was very intriguing to me. This drama left me filled with heartache and a rollercoaster of emotions but the ending is worth it!!!
HIStory3: Make Our Days Count
Synopsis According to MyDramaList: At first glance, high schoolers Xiang Hao Ting and Yu Xi Gu appear to be polar opposites: While Xiang Hao Ting is an outgoing, hot-headed extravert and some-time bully, Yu Xi Gu prefers to keep a low profile and focus on his schoolwork. They seem bound for totally different futures – the bookish Yu Xi Gu looks destined for academic success, while life is just a long popularity contest for Xiang Hao Ting. But a quirk of fate – and a crucial intervention by a female schoolmate – results in the two young men’s paths crossing. But there is more to both young men than first meets the eye. Xiang Hao Ting was not always this way. He started out as a perfect student until he discovered the joys of going off the rails. And Yu Xi Gu has a reason for being so aloof and studious: His parents died in a traffic accident while he was younger, and he is being fostered by his aunt. As such, he works hard to get good grades in an effort to win a scholarship and ease the financial burden on his relatives. Yu Xi Gu also works part-time at a convenience store, where his manager Liu Zhi Gang has developed a crush on a man he has met at the gym. Back at school, meanwhile, Yu Xi Gu and Xiang Hao Ting find themselves drawn together, and passions ignite. The former notices that he has the unique ability to bring Yu Xi Gu out of his shell – and becomes intent on melting his cold-as-ice exterior. What will happen when their two worlds collide? And can love be the catalyst that helps bring these two unlikely students together – as their high school days draw to a close?
My Personal Thoughts: I will stand by this notion for all of my days but this show is one of the best shows I have seen PERIOD!!! Not even best BL shows I have seen but just in general. It highkey saddens me that it is rated at an 8.1 right now on MyDramaList due to how it ended when other than that... it’s a top notch show. This was one that I watched as it was airing and I would get excited to see it every week. My clown self should have known by the title “Make Our Days Count” that some mess was about to occur but I didn’t pick up on it. Now, I just disregard the last episode (WE DON’T KNOW HER!!!). You can just tell that they had a great budget for this series. The production was on point. It had great cinematography, great storylines, and it felt realistic too. The main couples acting was OFF THE CHARTS AMAZING. I loved the whole opposites attract thing going on. Although the show was set in high school... it almost didn’t feel like it nor did it have those typical clichés going on. I liked how it dealt with topic of LGBTQ+ acceptance as well. I wasn’t so sure about the side couples relationship at first but I grew to love them as time went on. One last thing I wanted to point out was that even though I am always looking for a happy ending... I learned from this show that not everyone can get a happy ending. That’s not how life works sadly. In real life, there have been a lot of people who were truly in love and lost there partners tragically. Although it may be hard to accept the outcome, it is something that happens in real life. This is a drama that you appreciate even more as time goes on. It truly is a gem of a series!!!
TharnType
Synopsis According to MyDramaList: Type Thiwat is a handsome freshman with a passion for football and spicy food. Although he’s a friendly boy, he hates gay people because, in his childhood, he was molested by a man. His life turns upside down when the new academic year of college brings along a charismatic roommate, Tharn Kirigun. Tharn is a gorgeous, compassionate music major, who is also openly gay. When Type learns this, he is determined to make Tharn leave the dorm, as he won't live with a gay person. Tharn is equally determined not to give into Type's homophobic tantrums. With a gay guy and a homophobic guy that have to share a small space together for the rest of the year — what can possibly be the outcome of their story? Hatred? Or maybe love?
My Personal Thoughts: *Goes to hide in a corner* I know this drama is problematic and controversial as hell but it’s like a train wreck that you can’t turn away from. What truly carries the show I feel is the chemistry between MewGulf. I don’t think I would have enjoyed the series as much if other actors were cast in those roles. They just exude confidence, passion, love, and lust. In terms of the storyline, I found it to be a chaotic occurrence of situations where I just had to know what was going to go on next. Everything that occurred had me intrigued for the next episode and so on and so forth. I loved Type’s character development. One quick thing I want to touch on was I know there were a lot of problematic things that happened which I will touch on at a later date but one thing I wish people were more understanding of was Type’s outbursts, thoughts, and feelings in certain situations. He was a victim of sexual assault so I felt the way he handled certain things was in response to what he had gone through as child and I think some viewers kind of missed that and were almost too harsh on him. Everyone processes and deals with trauma differently. This show went through so many twists and turns and I honestly lived for it especially the shocker towards the end of the series. I didn’t see that one coming at all!!! Despite all of its flaws, this show still holds a special place in my heart.
Honorable Mention:
Cherry Magic: As of today, this show has 4 episodes left and I think I am just going to come out and say that THIS IS MY FAVORITE BL OF THE YEAR!!! It’s a beautiful Japanese BL and I rewatch the old episodes while I wait for new ones to come out alot. It’s such a fluffy, heartwarming, and precious Bl series!!! I love it to pieces!!!
#30 day bl drama challenge#30 day bl challenge#bl drama#bl series#thai bl#taiwanese bl#japanese bl#life senjou no bokura#life love on the line#i told sunset about you#itsay#teh x oh aew#theory of love#khaithird#gun attaphan#off jumpol#offgun#history3: make our days count#history 3: modc#tharntype#mewgulf#cherry magic#adachi x kurosawa#manner of death#maxtul#kornknock
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makoharu 8, 11, 25, 37, 42 for the ask meme ?
oooh lots of numbers let’s GO
8) What do the like best about their partner?
I believe they both love how compassionate and caring they each are. Makoto wears his heart on his sleeve, and can’t help being nice to everyone he meets, and Haru adores that about him. Haru, while more reserved, has opened up more over the years, and when you really get to know him, you learn he has a very gentle heart and really just has trouble sharing his deep feelings. Makoto loves when Haru shares his feelings, whether that be through words or actions, or even things like art or scrap-booking.
Other than that, I think they both love how determined they each are in their respective goals and desires. Like when Makoto figured out what he wanted to do in the future (both in s2 and how that goal evolved in s3), Haru was overjoyed, and likely loves helping Makoto study and listens to him talk about what he’s learning, what he hopes the future is like, etc. Haru feels very proud of him, and Makoto absolutely feels the same in return.
11) Do they celebrate holidays? Anniversaries?
I think they would celebrate special dates, but they wouldn’t always necessarily be a big affair. Like, they’ve been by each others sides for almost their entire lives, and while it’s nice to celebrate from time to time, they don’t really feel like it’s necessary. I feel like, if anything, they have designated celebrations for birthdays, and Maybe any sort of relationship-related anniversaries, but even those aren’t very important to them. They’d rather just spend their time as they usually would, and have sweet romantic nights whenever the inspiration strikes them, rather than honing in on one specific date in the year.
Maybe, if anything, they celebrate the first day of summer by making a point to go to the beach or something lol.
25) How much time do they spend together? Do they share their feelings, or hold things in?
They spend All Their Time together.
Not really, lol, but they really are connected at the hip in many ways. They certainly spend a lot of time together, even if they’re not really “hanging out.” A lot of their time spent is just existing in the same space, in comfortable silence, doing their own thing. They certainly do things together, like go out to eat, see movies, play video games, etc., but just silently hanging out in the same room is certainly a very common occurrence.
When it comes to sharing their feelings, I often think about how, in the actual series, they know each other well enough to pick up on each others feelings without needing to speak, but they don’t often say those things out loud, so sometimes they get lost in translation. Certainly over time they got better about doing that, and I especially think about their fight scene in s2, where Makoto said how worried they all were for Haru, that they all love him, etc etc, and then Haru really bared his soul and admitted how upset he was when he apologized. Like, I think after that point, while it’s still difficult for both of them to obviously state their feelings (Makoto maybe because he doesn’t want to burden others, and Haru maybe because he’s just stubborn like that), they really start to say things out loud. Those can be negative things, like what’s bothering them, but they’re certainly also things like telling each other how much they care about one another, how much they love one another, what they mean to one another, and so on. Haru thinks it’s embarrassing at first, but Makoto gets this sweet little bashful yet giddy smile on his face whenever Haru says those things, and he absolutely eats it up.
37) How much would they be willing to sacrifice for the other? Any lines they refuse to cross?
Oooh, first thing that comes to mind with this is Haru’s swimming career. And then my heart just leapt into my throat thinking about the infamous “something Not Good is gonna happen to Makoto” theory lmaooo.
I mean, at least in regard to that, I always feel like Haru would choose Makoto over swimming. He would sacrifice part of, or even his whole career, if it meant not losing Makoto. And that is something that the show itself has established, like the whole ending (or I guess you could say the entirety) of s3 was all about how these boys were choosing friendship first, friendship is what holds them together and gives them strength, and without it, they can’t reach their full potential. I think that if Haru were to sacrifice Makoto for his swimming career, he would crash and burn so, so quickly. We already saw that happening with Ikuya, and how he stunted his potential by convincing himself that he had to do everything on his own, without leaning on friends for support. We also saw glimpses of how Haru and Rin are going to surpass, or at least be formidable opponents, to competitors who “gave up” something in order to get better at swimming, all because they make their relationships with others a core part of their existence. You know, like all humans should lol.
And even though Makoto would probably try to get Haru to stick with his career, Haru wouldn’t listen. His bond with Makoto, and with his other friends, is far more important than sponsors and times and gold medals. And while Makoto might be frustrated with his stubbornness at first, in the long run, he knows it’s the right choice. And not for selfish reasons, either. He knows that friendship is important to Haru, and without it, he becomes nothing (talk about dramatic lmao).
42) Do they let each other get away with things that would normally bother them?
I absolutely think so, and they certainly get called hypocrites for it (in jest) by their friends lol. I don’t think they’d let the other get away with something really intense or w/e, but little things, certainly.
I’m trying to think of something specific, and one thing that pops into my head is how like... Makoto is sort of wishy-washy or indecisive sometimes. Like, he’s a bit of a people-pleaser, so he just sort of goes along with things, even if he’s uncomfortable (ie. doing the island training camp when he’s scared of the ocean). And Haru certainly recognizes this, even points it out at times, but I guarantee if someone else constantly behaved like that, he’d be a bit more frustrated with them. With Makoto, though, he’s more understanding, and more likely to help with the aftermath of the situation rather than stop it before it gets out of hand.
In Makoto’s case, I think Haru’s reserved nature is something that is a special case. It’s not that he’d be impatient or frustrated if someone else was quiet and didn’t voice their thoughts and opinions, but he certainly gives Haru a bit more room. It definitely also helps that Haru doesn’t always need to actually talk for Makoto to understand him lol.
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What your MK OTP says about you
(based on ships I enjoy and/or have seen in passing)
[feel free to rebagel and add—ship hate will mean insta-blockage, for whatever that’s worth! I’m using the ship names I’ve krafted, and ballparking with others. I hope they give ye a giggle. If your ship isn’t here, PLEASE add it! I just went from memory. I love y’all.]
Caged Heat (Liu/Johnny): you’re here for a good time, not a long time—you like good tiddies and the word “angorny” means something to you. There is passion in both kombat and throwing someone’s luggage off a dock. Sparks, I tells ya.
Sonya/Johnny: you appreciate pegging and Cassie Cage (who doesn’t?). You like the story of a jerk with a heart of gold showing his true colors to a woman who is NOT easily impressed—and who also tops.
Shaolin Rowdy Boys (Liu/Lao): you’re here for a good time, not a long time… literally—you crave childhood friends to unexpected lovers and secret banging in temple broom closets! You see the value of a best friend who’ll go to bat for you, even against a 10,000 year old turboprincess, or maybe you ARE that friend.
Jadetana (Jade/Kitana): Kitana bottoms for NO man, but for Jade, she’d do anything. You love that dynamic of unswerving loyalty which secretly hides deep, abiding admiration and maybe a little lust—or a lot! Who knows what freaky shit Edenian gals can get up to in their private time? You. YOU know and may The Elder Gods™ bless you for producing kontent.
Thermodynamic Equilibrium (subscorp): old guy love is just the ticket—you crave the maturity of years, but you don’t want it boring; someone is getting speared because the love is more intense with age. Kombat to lovemaking is your kryptonite.
Warring Exes (Shang Tsung/Raiden): old guy love, but make it fashion—opulence meets chastity in a clash for the ages; you want an emotional roller coaster of “what if” and “why not”, where a mortal may teach a god to love himself, and love being loved… or perhaps not. Tragedy abounds. There’s enemies to lovers and then there’s this roller coaster. Do you really want good things for Raiden? Debatable.
Faraday Cage (Johnny/Raiden): old guy love, again, but this time it’s two dads finding comfort in a time when they need it most—you REALLY just want good things for Raiden and honestly, who doesn’t? Johnny is, decidedly, a good thing and you’ve decided that nicknames like “1.21 gigawatts” and “electric slide” are acceptable forms of foreplay.
Cassie/Raiden: Faraday Cage 2: Electric Boogaloo—you might be a spite shipper (rock on) or you just dig visible age gap (because you know that every ship including Raiden or Fujin is EXTREME age gap) and you just want Cassie and Raiden to have nice things.
Jacqueda (Jacqui/Takeda): you watched them grow over the course of X and you were smitten. You’re convinced love really can bloom on the battlefield and kombat spouses appeal to you. The idea of Jacqui throwing down with Scorpion for Takeda’s hand appeals to you as well. Same.
Liutana (Liu Kang/Kitana): all those voice lines and character endings mean something to you—in fact, you may have cried; they’ve been fiddling about since 1995, goddammit, you just want good things for them! Is that so much to ask? I say make it happen.
Royal Pain (Shao Kahn/Sindel): the term “power couple” means something OTHERWORLDLY to you—you took one look at this terrible twosome and went “get me a freak like that” but no one was sure which one you meant and that was okay with you. You’re enamored with their grisly Gomez/Morticia aesthetic. They are awful and you LOVE it. Good on you!
Windwolf (Nightwolf/Fujin): you played Aftermath. ‘Nuff said. JK I’m never done. You love the dynamic of middle-aged person and deity falling in love, which is bizarrely specific, but you’ve found your niche goddammit and you’re going to fill it. You appreciate the koncept of the “god” not always being on top of things, or put-together and the idea of a mortal comforting such a being titillates you. The way Nightwolf stands, holding his belt buckle is, you’re convinced, what sold Fujin; it’s also what sold YOU.
Windserpent (Shang Tsung/Fujin): you played Aftermath and while you didn’t think of it at the time, you’ve seen some REALLY nice art and batted the idea around a while and then settled on “yes this is for me”. The appeal is in the danger, from both sides—a nigh-immortal soul sorcerer and a god. Perhaps you crave a redemption arc, or a corruption arc; either way, this ship has serious potential and you intend to exploit it. How Shang Tsung of you.
Honor among thieves (Erron Black/Kung Jin): you dig age gap, unironic cowboys, and the idea of a couple of people who haven’t always been on the right side of the law finding themselves and their points of strength in the Kourt of an Outworld emperor.
Kotal/Jade: you only needed a few cutscenes to tell you that these two are MADLY in love; what we lacked in pure kontent (after all, the game didn’t CENTER on them), they made up for in passionate exchanges. You appreciate the dynamic of respect between them and pegging is NEVER off the table.
Kano/Raiden: the aesthetic of filth-meets-purity appeals to you something fierce. The dynamic is unique and you love the potential for a redemption/corruption arc(s?).
Shang Tsung/Kano: you saw the club scene in MK95 and you went “yes they’re boning”. Whether there is actual affection or not varies with your mood. You love the idea of disaster gay and refined gay coming together to make something dastardly.
Bi-Hanzo (Bi-Han/Scorpion): you crave old wounds and aches and angst, drowning in memories of what never could have been, and regrets of what might have been prevented. This is an angst fest and it is YOUR cup of tea; drink that shit down, my friend, no sugar, no cream. Have at it.
Sonya/Jax: team mom and dad aesthetic appeals to you on a spiritual level. Someone’s gotta be in charge of this chicken shit outfit. AMERICA.
The Storm (Fujin/Raiden): your aesthetic includes the difficulty of a mortal’s inability to truly connect with and understand immortals and immortals finding themselves and each other in that realization. These entities who have existed since the beginning of all things understand each other better than anyone else could. Shine on.
Sindel/Raiden: this is team parents aesthetic on ‘roids. You’re probably a fan of the brainwashed Sindel theory and you’re of the opinion that only the love of a god is remotely worthy of the ultimate scream queen. Honestly, you’re probably right. Body worship is on your list of goals, right alongside worthy equals in a relationship—kinky. That being said, pegging is always a possibility.
Mileena/Scorpion: your aesthetic is danger—but alongside that is “lost souls finding love” and “shared burdens of infinite AGONY”. You dig angst and the potential for star-crossed lovers, meeting each other’s eyes across the arena of kombat. The idea of Scorpion as a consort (Kahnsort?) for Mileena might also appeal to you.
Rain/Mileena: the song “hatefuck” by the Bravery is probably your jam. You know there’s little love lost between these two, but perhaps kombat will bare their souls in such a way that they find some redeeming quality in the other—and the sex is VICIOUS. That’s what you’re looking for and by The Elder Gods™ you’ve found it.
Fanblade (Kitana/Sonya): you saw MK95 and went “I can fix this”. Kombat futch meets ancient warrior princess futch—this feels like hardcore xenabrielle vibes with a side of GORE because it’s mortal kombat, let’s be real. You feel as if Kitana would be foolish not to claim Sonya as her lover after watching her snap Kano’s neck with her thighs. You would be right.
Taleena (Tanya/Mileena): rebel, rebel—we love a good usurpation, don’t we? Power struggles are hot, both politically and in bed. Your kinks include overthrowing the bourgeoisie (even though you ARE the bourgeoisie) and seizing the means of production (meaning the flesh pits, probably).
Shaiden (Shinnok/Raiden): your motto is fight and fuck—or enemies to lovers, for the more refined shipper. Maybe you prefer enemies AND lovers. Go hard or go home, I say.
Nightwolf/Erron Black: old guy love, but make it reformed criminal. The appeal here is that, very likely, someone has to convince someone else that he really IS out of the woods, to show him his true worth, and maybe give him some time off from the violent grind of kombat life.
Kablam (Kabal/Erron Black): black dragon buddies! In the depths of mercenary work, there isn’t time for love, not really, so you want to see these two assholes find some semblance of peace and pleasure amidst illicit activities. Whether or not Kano knows depends on what kind of quickie sex appeals most to you.
Jacquass (Cassie/Jacqui): military lesbians, friends to lovers, BFFs, this ship has it all. You’re in love with the idea of a couple of people who grew up together, suffered and fought and bled together, stumbling away from a battlefield, carrying each other and finding that perhaps they can keep carrying the other, maybe forever.
Kotal/Erron: The idea of watching someone go from bad to the bone, to actually CARING about something other than himself thrills and excites you. That kind of loyalty can’t be bought, even though you keep pretending that’s all it is. Very tsundere.
Kano/Kabal: “he’s a lowlife, piece of shit scumbag; you’re gunna love ‘im.” Nuff said.
#mk shipposting#I ain't taggin all these ships#just like my mains idk#warring exes#thermodynamic equilibrium#faraday cage#caged heat#shaolin rowdy boys#I'm so lazy that's all you get#for the record there ARE ships on this list that make me gag a wee bit but I've included them because someone out there likes them#if it brings someone joy I'm about it because no matter your moral argument#it's not hurting anyone because it is in fact fictional and you have the choice to block me and anyone else to whom you've taken exception#and move the fuck on#fuden#tagging this for you few out yonder#love you <3#incest mention#???
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Summary: Research student Isla Reid has been fascinated with the legend of the Kildonian Chessmen - a trio of mythical Pokemon rumoured to have lived centuries ago on the remote region of Kildo - for as long as she can remember. So, when a museum exhibit on the Chessmen is set to open in Kildo’s Hydrogate City, coinciding with her independent research project, she packs herself and her trusty partner Furret onto the long ferry journey bound for this new region.
However, when she arrives in Kildo, thoughts of her research, new friends, and an entire Pokedex’s worth of new Pokemon, are quickly dashed. Kildo is a troubled place, beset by natural disasters and fierce rivalries among its people. Isla suddenly finds herself at the centre of a centuries-old plot to invoke the wrath of the Chessmen, and is set on a race against time to stop them, before it spells destruction for the entire region.
Other Links: Read it on Ao3!
Tags: OC Pokemon journey, OC region, Fakemon region, bisexual main character, found family, ace main character.
If you are not interested in these posts, especially as I know Pokemon journeyfic is fairly niche, please blacklist the tag #Checkmate. Most of the story will be put under a Readmore anyway!
Author’s Note: If you’re interested in more information, exclusive updates, character art, and teasers for this fic, please consider following its sister tumblr @kildo-pokedex!
This was another chonker chapter at 4.5k that I didn’t anticipate being this long at all! The joys of plantsing, eh? I had hoped to reveal the starters this chapter, but that’s being bumped to next update. In the meantime, please enjoy the reveal of Brootser, and the partial reveals of Weldeon, Ampster and Coastrot!
*****
Chapter Three
Despite everything, night rolled over the Whispering Pine Croft.
After hours battling insomnia, Isla stole downstairs not long after the clock in the hallway chimed midnight. Goosepimples erupted on her skin, the air chilling her to the core. Clicking on the floor lamp, she cast her gaze around the living room. A rickety bookshelf took up most of one wall, covered in dust and trinkets. It didn’t take her long to strike gold.
The Etymological Dictionary of Old Kildonian, 1981 Edition.
Sitting at the old coffee table, she spread out her books and copies of the Old Kildonian script until there wasn’t an inch of space left. Then she opened the dictionary and started to read. She read, moving between dictionary and text, until her eyes strained in the dim light of the lamp, and the words on the page turned into incomprehensible squiggles. Just keep going, she told herself, as she marked off another decoded word. Just keep going. Just keep going. Just keep—
“Isla?”
Isla slammed the book shut. The noise seemed to echo forever in the quiet of the living room. The intruder snapped on the main light and Isla blinked foolishly as everything illuminated around her. It was Blair at the door, swaddled in an enormous red dressing gown and a pinched look on his face.
“What are you doing down here?” he asked, pulling his dressing gown tighter. “You’ll catch your death of cold.”
“I’m… I’m not doing anything,” Isla said, trying to collect the papers together, position her body over them, anything to hide them from sight.
“Really? You look like a student trying to panic revise a whole subject the night before an exam,” he chuckled, plopping himself in the seat opposite. “Come on. What’s up?”
Isla sighed. What was the point in lying? “I’m just trying to make some sense of these texts.”
Blair glanced at the clock above the fireplace. “At half two in the morning?”
“I couldn’t sleep. This presentation is doing my head in.” When Blair frowned, she added, “My supervisor asked me to update them with all the “progress” I’ve mad so far. Of course, I haven’t made any yet.”
“So, you’re trying to decode all these old books with…. an out-of-date Kildonian dictionary?”
“I found it in the bookcase. I thought it might help.”
“I’m pretty sure that book is older than me. Please don’t tell me you’re taking it word-by-word.”
“More or less.”
“You’ll be there months trying to sort all that lot.”
“I don’t have any other choice,” Isla’s voice cracked. “Everyone is hounding me. I can’t let this come undone. They’ll pull approval of my project and fail me if I don’t keep jumping through all their hoops.”
“Why is the legend of the Chessmen so important to you?”
Isla hesitated. It was an innocent enough question, but the thought of answering it felt like ripping her chest open and exposing the beating heart underneath. “Well...” she started, cringing at how stupid it all sounded in her head. “When I was little, I was kinda lonely. I didn’t have siblings. Or friends, really,”
Blair made a sympathetic noise.
“No, it’s okay. I wasn’t that bothered by it,” Isla lied. “But because I didn’t have many friends, I naturally leant towards books instead. And I loved fiction, like adventure stories and that, but I felt so much more connected to things that were actually real.”
Blair nodded. “Understandable.”
“Anyway, one Christmas, I got this book. I think it was called Myths and Legends of the Pokemon World and it had all the origin stories of all the legendary Pokemon from like… every region in the world. God, I ate up every single story - how Arceus created the world, the theory that all Pokemon came from Mew in some way, how Groudon and Kyogre created the land and sea. I was absolutely hooked. Then, right at the end, there were a couple of small articles devoted to a place called Kildo.”
“Typical,” Blair muttered. “Always playing second fiddle to the big guns.”
“The book explained a little bit about the legend of the Chessmen. I was just… amazed at how these Pokemon brought humans these gifts of technology and arts and whatnot and how advanced the region was for its time. And then when I read what happened next, well… I just wanted to know why. Why did the Chessmen take away what they gave the humans? What happened to them after they became dormant? I was obsessed. When I was younger, I had this stupid dream that I would like… Oh, it sounds so cheesy now, but… like solve the mystery of what happened all those years ago.”
“It’s not cheesy, Isla. Dreams are never cheesy.”
Isla bit the inside of her cheek. “I know that. It’s just… well, this legend has been everything to me for years. I’m not bigheaded enough now to think someone like me could ever solve it. But I’d love to find something. Even if it’s just standing in the same place these Pokemon stood once, all those years ago. But now it feels like it’s slipping away from me. I won’t be able to do anything unless I get these texts translated.”
“They’re well-known texts, right? Haven’t they already been translated?”
“The only translations that exist are locked behind online paywalls,” Isla sighed. “Not exactly within my budget. The originals were family owned. I suppose you can’t blame them for wanting them kept safe.”
“Could the university not pay for you to access them?”
“Not my department. They already think the project isn’t worth the time. They’re usually into social changes, modern day life, that sort of thing. Mythology doesn’t get a look in. Even though I changed my project a bit – focusing more on how the mythology influences modern life, with the Chessmen more of like a case study – the department still don’t want much to do with it.”
“Well, that’s their loss. Your project sounds fascinating just from what I’ve seen of it.”
“This little bit you’ve seen might end up being all it ever amounts to. With Nana Morag in the hospital, my options for translations are limited, and these old texts are all I have to help me piece together where the Chessmen might be.”
Silence unfurled around them. Isla stared down at her lap, her legs shaking and her mouth dry. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d ever talked so much about herself and she found that she couldn’t quite bring herself to look Blair in the eye.
“I think I might know someone.”
Isla pricked her head up. “Really?” she said, hope throbbing in her chest.
“I have a friend who lives in Inverbrook. It’s not a huge city, but they do have a subsect of Tideburgh University there. He’s doing a Masters in Language and mentioned being involved with an elective on Old Kildonian. I can contact him for you. He might be able to help.”
Something surged through Isla like she’d just taken a shot of adrenaline. “Oh, Blair, thank you! That’s amazing!”
“No guarantees, of course!” he said, spreading his hands hastily. “He might not know enough of it to be a proper help. But he may be able to put you in touch with some other folks who can help, if that makes sense.”
“It does. A lot of sense. Thank you again.” Isla paused. “Where is Inverbrook?”
“Pretty much directly south of here. About forty odd miles or so. Following routes 29 through 26 pretty much leads you right there. Public transport is crap, though, so you’re better walking most of it. Shouldn’t take much more than a couple of days if you’re…”
He paused. Isla knew what he wanted to say. If you’re fit. Women like her weren’t supposed to be fit. And even though the thought of days of walking filled her with equal parts apprehension and dread, she forced a look of determination onto her face.
“Don’t worry,” she said. “I can handle it.”
**
Isla shared the news that she would be leaving in the morning as they sat down at the kitchen table. Kenneth and Skye stayed quiet, barely reacting to the news, but Rhona’s face crumpled.
“Oh, chick, are you sure?”
“I think it’s probably for the best,” Isla said. “I don’t want to be a burden, especially with you guys having your hands full with the croft and Nana Morag being ill. Having a guest is too much on top of everything. I really do appreciate everything you’ve all done, but I think it’s best that I head towards Inverbrook and start my research properly.”
A strange expression passed over Rhona’s face, one that Isla couldn’t make sense of. For several terrifying moments, she thought she’d offended her.
“You wouldn’t be a burden on us, Isla,” Rhona eventually said, her eyes brimming. “We’d happily have you here for as long as you want. It’s been lovely having you.”
Isla felt something in her heart buckle.
“We do understand that your studies have to come first. But… you said you wanted to go to Inverbrook?”
“Yes. Blair is going to put me in touch with a friend of his there that might be able to help me with some translations.”
“It might not be as easy as you think, chick. I’ve just been watching the local news. There was flooding down south. The river that goes through Route 27, which connects Port Glen to Inverbrook, burst its banks. The whole route is submerged. No-one can go through. It’s completely impassable.”
**
You wouldn’t have said the entire of Port Glen had only just recently been battered by a storm, Isla thought, as she set off down towards the harbour after a filling breakfast. The morning sky pinkened gently, like a mother’s embrace, and golden threads of sun drifted through soft, watercolour clouds. A cool wind kept the worst of the heat at bay as she walked. All in all, it was a fairly pleasant experience. Well, as pleasant an experience as walking would ever be.
It was Rhona that had suggested trying the ferry. She couldn’t be sure what passenger routes they ran from Port Glen, or if they only did international and goods shipments, but it was a better option than waiting the potential weeks for the Inverbrook route to be cleared or taking the (extremely) long way around the whole region.
Breathing heavily and sweating despite the brisk ocean breeze, Isla stopped to catch her breath as she arrived at the harbour. She cast her gaze around hopefully. It was quiet. Too quiet. Not a good sign in the least. Aside from the occasional sailor pacing the docks, and the sharp, cutting cry of seabirds, the place was still and silent.
The thought of asking someone to help sent panic crashing through her like waves in a storm, but there was no other choice. The best option rested with a nearby sailor, busily looping ropes and picking apart complicated knots. A Pokemon stood at his side. Squat, muscular, with short brown fur, flecked with white, and cut into a stout triangle pattern, it was another one that Isla didn’t recognise. Every now and again, the sailor tossed it a particularly difficult-looking knot of rope, which the Pokemon expertly shredded with sharp, curved claws.
“Brootser, the Pelting Pokemon. The evolved form of Brogue. With incredibly sharp claws and powerful jaws, Brootser are highly aggressive and territorial. Even against much stronger foes, it won’t back down easily,” her Pokedex chirruped.
Isla’s hand tightened around Soba’s Pokeball as she read more details. A Fighting type. A second evolution. Being a Furret, Soba wouldn’t stand much chance in a fair fight, much less an unfair one. While she did generally feel more comfortable approaching a fellow Pokemon owner, she probably could have stood to pick one with a less terrifying partner.
All the same, she approached the sailor, keeping herself primed like a coiled spring. “Excuse me? I was wondering if you could help me with something?”
The sailor had a strong, lined face, but he didn’t seem anywhere near as intimidating when he relaxed into a smile. “Sure,” he boomed. “What can I do for you?”
“Are there going to be any sailings from this port in the next few days? Anywhere that lands near Inverbrook?”
The Brootser, distracted from its work with the knots, pressed its wet nose against Isla’s hand. Isla let out an involuntary squeak.
“Brootser, stop that!” the sailor said firmly. “Sorry, miss. He’s obsessed with leather. Have you got leather in your handbag or anything? Your shoes? I swear, he can sniff it out within a mile. I have to keep him distracted at work otherwise he’d never leave people alone. Here, Brootser, go and do this for me.”
The sailor tossed a section of rope a few feet down the docks. The Brootser growled, a deep throaty rumble, before dropping to all fours and pursuing. Within moments, the rope was ripped to little more than fibres.
Isla searched for something to say. She eventually settled on, “He’s cute.”
“He’s a menace is what he is,” the sailor said, wiping his brow. “Anyway, you were asking about the ferries? Unfortunately, the passenger ferry was badly damaged in that storm two nights ago and won’t be running any routes for a while.”
“How long is a while?” Isla asked nervously.
“We’re waiting for some metal workers to come down from Hydrogate. They’re delayed because their Weldeon team were exhausted after a big job in the ironworks. Currently we’re looking at about a week.”
“A week?”
“I’m afraid so. If you go to reception and leave your details, they’ll be able to contact you as soon as we know when the sailings will be going ahead.”
“Aren’t there any other options?”
The sailor considered. “Not here. But if you’re set on sailing and you could get to Dewbrae Town, I think they’re still running sailings.”
“Where’s Dewbrae Town? Is it close?”
“It’s up past Aberdrip City, which is an hour’s drive north of here. Then you have to pass through Aberdrip Forest and that brings you out just at Dewbrae. Maybe a couple of days walking if you keep a steady pace,” he paused, and Isla felt his eyes rake her body. “Maybe a couple more. But, if you’re in a hurry, it’s better than waiting around here. Everything’s very up in the air at the moment.”
Isla thanked the sailor, trying to ignore the heavy feeling that came over her. Why was this so difficult? She’d encountered disaster at every turn so far and, in her darkest moments, she couldn’t deny wondering if it was even worth it to keep going. Nana Morag ill, no passage to Inverbrook through Route 27, no ferry from the Port Glen docks, now she had to go all the way to Dewbrae – wherever that was – on nothing more than a possibility?
But what could she do? What other options did she have?
Rhona would know what to do, Isla decided. She had a way of sorting things out, an uncanny level-headedness her own mother didn’t have. That’s what she’d do. She’d head back to the croft and take stock of the situation. She started walking, thoughts whirling through her head like the flapping of birds’ wings. Maybe there was another way to Inverbrook. They knew the region better than she ever would. Maybe they could—
“WIIIIING!”
Isla gasped and swore as her foot trod on something soft. With a gust of cold air, the offending thing burst upwards and pain erupted at the top of her head. Sharp, pointed talons dug into her scalp and she yelped in pain.
“Gull! Gull!” her assailant screeched; each squawk accompanied by a swift peck to the head.
Isla’s hands closed around her attacker’s soft wriggling body. With all her might, she tore it from her head and tossed it as far as she could manage. But the Pokemon swooped back into the air, seemingly unharmed, fixing Isla with a glare that sent a tremble down her spine.
“Gull! Wingull!” it shrieked.
Recognition dropped into Isla’s belly like a stone. It was a Kildonian Wingull. The same Kildonian Wingull that had attacked Rhona the day Isla got off the ferry. At least, it certainly looked like the same one – she could hardly call herself an expert on them – but it was roughly the same size and had the same high-pitched squawk. And didn’t the Pokedex say that Kildonian Wingull only attacked people who had food? Isla didn’t have a single crumb on her. So what other motive could it possibly have for attacking her?
Isla reached for the Pokeball at her waist, panicked fingers scrabbling for the catch. But the Wingull screeched again, diving into a tackle. The impact came low in her stomach, knocking the air from her lungs and leaving her doubled over. The second blow sent her off-balance and stumbling, eventually crashing to the ground where the pain came in sharp spikes. With a fury of feathers, the Pokemon ripped Isla’s bag away from her.
“Hey!” She wheezed. “There’s nothing in there for you!”
Her protests were rewarded with a face full of frigid water.
By the time Isla had sluiced the water from her face, the Wingull had unhooked the bag’s clasp and was digging around in her things. Hairbrush and deodorant were both ignored, the coin purse in the shape of a Quagsire got an inquisitive gnaw but ultimately left in favour of a pen, which lasted a whole thirty seconds until it splintered and was promptly spat back out.
Every inhale felt like she was being stabbed underneath the ribs, but she still forced herself to move. “Leave my things alone! There’s no food in there!”
Wingull had wriggled itself right into the bottom of the bag and had pulled out an old emergency kit that Isla had nearly forgotten about. Most of the items had already been used or dumped over the years she’d had it, leaving only a couple of travel sized Potions, a Repel Kit, and a Poke Doll, wrapped up in a worn-out bag. The Wingull squawked indignantly and decapitated the doll in one fell swoop. Then it turned back on the travel bag, scraping around and tearing at it with its beak.
Something dropped out. Isla’s heart plummeted to somewhere near her feet.
It was a Pokeball. An old Pokeball scratched and grimy with age. A Pokeball that Isla had all but forgotten about ever since she made the decision to train just Soba all those years ago. A Pokeball that was now right in the Kildonian Wingull’s line of sight.
She saw it happening before it actually did. The hungry Wingull viewed the Pokeball as nothing more than a shiny, tasty snack. It darted forward, opened its beak wide, and engulfed the old capsule. Isla prayed that the ten year old ball would turn out to be too old to work anymore, and the worst thing to happen would be the Wingull hacking it back up again. But the Pokeball made a shrill shiiing noise as it made contact with Wingull’s beak, and the Pokemon disappeared in a flash of blue light.
The Pokeball shook. Once. Twice. Three times. Then it was still.
And Isla had caught a Kildonian Wingull.
**
Isla told the story of her accidental Wingull capture to an appreciative audience when she got back from the docks. And then again over sandwiches at lunchtime. While Soba curled up in the corner next to the radiator, oblivious to this new teammate, Isla released Wingull for the nerve-wracking job of introductions and feeding time. Rhona’s eyebrows rose so high that they practically disappeared into her hairline, but she didn’t protest.
“I can’t believe it’s the same one,” Rhona said, eyeing her half-eaten sandwich she was planning on saving for later. “Most try their luck once and then move on.”
“I think it’s young,” Blair said, lifting its wing to get a better look. “Perhaps separated from its mum too early. Maybe it doesn’t know any better.”
“I didn’t mean to catch it,” Isla sighed. “I’d forgotten all about that old Pokeball. We were always told to carry an extra one or two, even if we never intended to catch Pokemon, like for emergencies and that.”
“It must have been starving if it thought a Pokeball was food. Or maybe just exceptionally stupid.”
“Jury’s out on that one,” Isla said, as the Wingull pecked at a Tauros shaped pepper shaker.
“Kildonian Wingull are incredibly food oriented,” Blair lifted his plate to avoid the Pokemon’s frantically flapping wings. “Most of the bird Pokemon around here are.”
“Why is that?”
“Competition. Because there’s so many, they all compete for the same natural resources. That’s part of why people think Wingull adapted for Kildo the way they did. They couldn’t compete for most of the natural food, so they evolved to take food from humans instead. Problem is, they end up thinking all food is fair game. Hey, watch it! No! That’s mine!”
Isla suppressed a chuckle as Wingull lunged for the crusts on Blair’s sandwiches. In the kerfuffle of squawking and feathers, Isla looked over at Skye, who hadn’t said a word through the entire of lunch. Her face was screwed up.
“Skye? Are you alright?” Isla asked.
Skye made an odd strangling noise, pushed herself back from the chair, and ran for the stairs, each one thudding under her feet. A moment later, a door slammed.
“Did I say something wrong?” Isla said, horrified.
“No, not at all,” Rhona said, rescuing a glass of juice that had been upended when Skye left the table. “She’s just a bit upset. We were supposed to be going up to meet Professor Spruce tomorrow to get her trainer’s license and first Pokemon. But because Nana Morag is in hospital, I have to be here in case something comes up on short notice, and I just can’t spare the time to take Skye up to Aberdrip City. She’ll only be delayed for a few days, but the poor lass was so looking forward to it. Especially when she’s had to wait so much longer than everyone else.”
“Why’s that?”
It was only after she asked the question that she considered it might have been rude. Or none of her business. Too late to save herself now, though. Rhona’s face tightened, her mouth puckering like she was sucking on a sour lemon.
“Sorry,” Isla looked down at the table. “I shouldn’t be nosy.”
The kitchen fell quiet. Rhona let out a deep, juddering exhale and sat back down, folding her hands into her lap, the kitchen suddenly feeling about ten degrees colder. Isla took a sip of water, her mouth and throat turning to chalk.
“Skye had childhood cancer.” The words didn’t even get a chance to settle before they were tumbling out again, like Rhona was trying to get them all out at once. Like they couldn’t hurt her as much that way. “She spent most of her childhood in hospital with leukaemia.”
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” Once again Isla found herself cursing both her mother and herself for not bothering to find any of this information out beforehand.
Rhona shook her head. “It’s alright, chick. We don’t talk about it much. Besides, she’s been in remission for a year now. But she’s missed out on so much school and she gets tired so easily.”
There was nothing Isla could say that would be enough. She had to settle for, “I’m sorry to hear that…” and hope Rhona could somehow understand just how much she meant it.
“There was a time when she was being treated that she became very low and very depressed. It was frightening. I’ve never been so worried in all my life. We were scared she was just… giving up. Then, one day, they had some Pokemon trainers visit the hospital. A lot of children there would never be able to go out training. Some wouldn’t even… you know, live to see their next birthday.”
Rhona’s voice wavered. Blair put his hand over hers and squeezed. “Easy, Mum. Don’t go upsetting yourself now.”
“One of the trainers was assigned to Skye,” Rhona continued. “But she was so quiet and so withdrawn that we didn’t think the trainer could get through to her. The trainer had this Pokemon with her – Ampster, I think it was – and it was like a light turned on behind Skye’s eyes when she saw it. I saw glimpses of my daughter again. This trainer stayed with her for hours. Just talking. She’s wanted to be a Pokemon trainer ever since. And I hate that so many things keep getting in her way.”
Rhona sunk her head into her hands. Her shoulders quivered.
Isla felt terrible. No wonder Skye had been quiet during the whole of lunch. How stupid had she been? Skye was being kept from her dream of being a Pokemon trainer and she’d waltzed into their kitchen showing off a Pokemon she hadn’t even meant to catch? It made Isla’s toes curl just thinking about it.
“Could Skye not make the journey on her own?” she asked.
“No,” Rhona lifted her head again, looking pale even at the thought. “She’s not fit enough. We were going to rent a car and drive her, but…”
“Could I take her?”
The offer slipped past Isla’s lips before she knew what she was doing. Rhona looked at her in mild shock, her mouth slowly gaping open.
“I mean, I’ll be passing through Aberdrip anyway!” Isla continued. “One of the sailors said I could get the ferry from Dewbrae Town which is just past Aberdrip, right?. I could take her along with me.”
“Gosh, that’s very kind of you, chick. And I’m sure Skye would love it,” Rhona said, nervously glancing at the stairs. “But I’m not comfortable with her making the trip back on her own. Or even just the amount of walking she’d have to do.”
“I could go with them,” Blair said.
Rhona looked at her son like she’d only just remembered he existed. “What’s that, honey?”
“I could go with them,” he repeated. “We could put Skye on Coastrot. That’s my partner Pokemon,” he added for Isla’s benefit. “He’s strong enough to carry her and we can keep her nicely bundled up. Then once Isla heads off to Dewbrae, I can take Skye back.”
“I don’t know,” Rhona said. “We need you here too.”
“Mum, it’s a day. Maybe two, tops, if we let Skye rest overnight. You and Dad can manage that long, right? You could ask a couple of the lads from the market to pitch in if you really need to. I’m sure they’d work for a hot pie and some cash in hand. And you don’t need to worry about us. We won’t do anything silly. We’ll just get Skye her Pokemon, check in for the night, see Isla off to Dewbrae the next morning and head back ourselves. Easy-peasy!”
Rhona still didn’t look convinced. “It’s such a long way, though. She’s not been away overnight in such a long time.”
“It’s a few hours of travelling, Mum. You said it yourself, Skye’s already missed out on so much. It might not feel like much for us, but for Skye, it’s her whole life. One delay after the other. And with everything the way it is right now, what if there’s just more delays? More reasons not to take her? You have to let her.”
Rhona went very quiet, her face pale.
“I’ll look after her, Mum,” Blair said. “She needs this.”
“I know you will. And I know she does,” Rhona heaved a sigh. “She’s not my little baby anymore. She’s growing up.”
“I’d like to go.”
Everyone jumped at the voice that came in from the doorway. Rhona wiped her eyes. “Oh, Skye, honey, sorry. I didn’t hear you come down. Are you okay?”
“I think I can do it,” Skye ignored her mother’s question. Her voice was louder this time, but still hesitant, like she was testing out its limits. “I want to go get my Pokemon and I’d like Blair and Coastrot to take me. And Isla,” she added, and Isla felt a smile curve onto her face. “If that’s okay with you?”
Silence widened like a chasm between mother and daughter and for one horrible moment, Isla half-expected Rhona to turn away, to start shouting, to deny her flat out. But then tears spilled out of Rhona’s eyes and her whole face softened.
“Yes, honey,” Rhona said, her voice little more than a whisper. “Yes, that’ll be okay with me.”
As they hugged, Isla felt a stray tear prick at the corner of her eye. The emotion surprised her. Yes, it was touching to see a mother and daughter hug and reconcile, but something told her it went deeper. As she looked out at the dying sky, strewn with deepening orange and slicks of black, something unsettled itself in her heart.
Tomorrow she would be leaving Port Glen. Tomorrow she would leave behind a family unit where she felt accepted. Tomorrow she would start her journey to Inverbrook.
She didn’t know which one felt scarier.
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alright here goes big personal post time
i did wanna make this yesterday but i had to do a couple of things and i got kinda tired
this is definitely gonna get heavy but i do want to end on a good note
I think i need to get this out straight away, i have Asperger’s Syndrome, i’m very high functioning but i do have it. I like to think it doesn’t affect me that much but i’ve lived with the diagnosis long enough to know it’s just not true.
Loud noises cause me no end of distress. Focusing on particular subjects can be almost impossible sometimes. Naturally this impacted me at school, which is what i think caused the bulk of my mental health issues.
Officially i only have 9th grade completed, i haven’t even finished high school. Like, i know i’m not stupid, but imagine what that does to someone’s self-esteem.
That isn’t to say i didn’t try to finish high school. I tried harder than anyone i know, i’ve taken practically every course available to me, even across multiple schools. I’ve taken science, art, multimedia, health and safety, culinary school, you name it.
but like i said, for people like me, studying is practically impossible sometimes.
whatever information i needed, i had to get it first try during class. That’s not easy when you share a room full of people always chattering and making distractions. And that’s even if you like your schoolmates somewhat, most of the classes i was in i couldn’t stand the people around me.
Don’t get me wrong, i didn’t hate everyone i met, i even made some dear friends, which kinda hurts now because i’ve lost contact with so many of them, and the ones i can contact still, i don’t really want to because i feel like they’ve moved on and i don’t want to bother them. So that was my school life, lonely, overwhelmingly stressful and underwhelmingly rewarding.
All the while i felt like a burden to my parents. Like, here’s this fuckin deadbeat leeching off his parents way past any reasonable amount of time to finish high school. i should have finished high school by the time i was seventeen. I’m 26 now. In retrospect, it’s not exactly a bad thing, none of the courses i took felt right to me. Like that health and safety one. I HATED that course, i took it because it was the only one i could at the time. I had no interest in the subjects, my classmates were insufferable, we shared rooms with ANOTHER class that was somehow even worse than the one i was in because our courses shared subjects and it was a small school, and some of the teachers were downright bad at their job sorry not sorry. So something happened, the stress got too much and i had an outburst. And people noticed. My parents noticed.
I started going to a psychiatrist, i got diagnosed with depression. Not anxiety but i feel like those go hand in hand anyway. Fuckin three hit combo right here, autism, depression, and the anxiety that goes with it. Fuck me up fam. Still, it did get me the help i needed and i started getting medication. And things started getting better.
Back to school. Starting over, three more years.
I really enjoyed culinary school, i found i have a knack for making some mean arroz con leche and i feel like i do really well with pastries and sweets in general. So school was nice for a while, i was enjoying my studies even if i wasn’t doing well in ALL of them, (sorry to my french teacher she was cool, but fuck that entire language), my classmates were pretty okay for the most part, the fact that it was a professional course meant that when i finished, not only would i have a highschool diploma, i’d be immediately certified to start working.
But on my second year, my father got diagnosed with cancer. And it all went to shit. I felt pressured to start helping my family anyway i could, after all, i’d taken so much and given so little. I started taking driving lessons and i got my license which was a big help in general. And good thing i did, because my dad’s health deteriorated quick. It was caught too late. I was miserable because when he was sick, at one point we had a heart to heart and i realized how much he loved me and didn’t think i was a burden like i thought he did, and though sometimes he really made me upset, i felt like i never showed how much i appreciated and loved him. He didn’t make it. Not a month later my grandmother died and a little under a year later my grandfather. This might seem cold, my grandparents were riddled with dementia, they barely recognized me so i wasn’t too upset when they died. But my mom, these people have been with her in the most important moments of her life and she lost them all in the span of a year. She was devastated, and seeing her like that wrecked me.
So my depression got worse, and my grades tanked, and i failed school again, and again i felt like a burden. I start thinking about things. I should run away, live on the street, anything so i wouldn’t burden my mother anymore. What’s the worst that could happen? I die? So what? Death felt welcome, even deserved. But could i do that to my mom? I’m glad i didn’t.
Things started getting better. Pushing through it all, i started another course, auxilliary health technician, and this one is right for me, i’m certain. I’m great at it, i get to help people and i love it. It’s just the right level of responsibilty, we basically assist nurses and help take care of the patients among other things.
It’s too bad the damn pandemic hit, we got stuck with telework, suddenly every subject and every class shifts to theory, and we’re spending hours upon hours everyday on our computers doing boring research and just completing assignment after boring assignment. So i started getting headaches, cool. My brain’s finally taken all it can take.
Anyway, i start my third and final internship before i finish the course, and i make it through my first week. And one night the seizure happens. I find out i have a brain tumor and it’s been growing for a while. Thankfully it’s not cancer, i really didn’t want to put my mom through that shit again.
Most of the mass was removed, i didn’t have any complications, i’m feeling great doing RT to remove what they couldn’t take out through surgery, plus i’m almost done with it, and further on i’ll do chemo, which i’m a bit more nervous about, but i’m sure it’ll go well too. And i got plenty of time to organize my thoughts. I really start thinking about life, about everyone who helped me get where i am now and i realize. People care about me, and i care about them. And i don’t want to hurt them, and i think they don’t want to me get hurt either.
So i’m not gonna. I’m not gonna hurt anyone, least of all myself anymore.
Needless to say this whole situation kinda grinded my studies to a halt. But I found out i’ll be able to kick off where i stopped later on this year.
Hopefully the state of things will be better by then, and i’m feeling the best I’ve ever felt, all things considering. I’m gonna see this damn thing through. I’m taking control of my life.
I finally feel like a person.
I got nowhere to go but forward.
If you read through all of this, thank you. It meant a lot and i love you.
I think i’ll go have a healthy cry now.
#getting better#personal#long post#like really long i don't think i ever put this much effort into writing something
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Has anyone else read this book/novel?
I rarely read any book/novel, honestly. But since I'm still madly in love with Frozen 2, this "prequel" book really piqued my interest. And lucky for me, the hard copy of this book were already available in my local bookstore.
You think Frozen 2 was already “dark” and packed with action? Then this book will surprised you even more! I lost count of how many times I held my breath while reading scenes after scenes. Especially, since at the middle of the story, the author cleverly set Olaf and Sven aside, without ‘dumping’ their character. So we basically just have Anna, Elsa, and Kristoff adventuring throughout the Arendellian soils.
There’re lots of tidbits that foreshadow the story of Frozen 2, and I’ll write them down under the cut. Cause in case you want to read the novel (which I highly recommended), I don’t want to ruin/spoiler you :)
So the story tells from Anna’s POV. First thing I noticed: despite her cheerful behavior, deep down inside, Anna still felt insecure about her position, especially as a royal. These insecurities root from her being ‘spare’, and her ‘imperfectness’. She always looked up to Elsa, who she saw as the perfect royal should be. Second problem, Anna really has issues with her way of communication. So many times in the story, she assumes people’s act and people’s say in a negative tone, adding to her insecurities. While at the same time, she rarely brave enough to speak up what’s on her mind. This is actually a quite surprising side of her. In her mind, all of this insecurity of hers, might lead Elsa think her as useless, and leave her for good. And this is the root of her fear. Yes, the brave, feisty Anna, does have fear!!
Elsa, on the other hand, trapped in the role of a very hardworking family head. Like a formula often used in a family movies, where you’ll see the family head works extra hard to fulfill their family needs, that makes them forgot, that family also need loves and communication to share. Elsa, in her way of showing love to Anna, let her sleep until noon, never asked Anna’s help in royal duties, and to not worry Anna, Elsa always kept her fear inside of her, while using her regal and her ‘don’t worry, I’ve got everything under control’ facade mask. All of these ‘love’ from Elsa, made her never had time to spent with her sister, and many times make her forget the promises (like visiting Anna in her bedroom before sleep, reading a book that Anna gave her). Elsa didn’t have any idea that all of these, only add to Anna’s insecurities.
The problem solving of this miscommunication, lead to the ‘charade’ nights in Frozen 2, Elsa’s daily schedule shown in the art book (with ‘family time’ now listed at the schedule), and pushed Elsa to run and greet her family to play outside castle wall in the ‘something never change’ sequence. But Elsa being Elsa, it’s not easy for her to share her burden just like that. Anna understand this, but remind her by saying ‘we promised not to shout each other out’, after the charade scenes, and the ‘promise me we’ll do this together’ lines Anna often said throughout the movie.
Now, I just noticed that the usually adventure hungry Anna, always look at edge, during Frozen 2. Like how she frowned when seeing the rune crystals hanging in the night of Arendelle city (the very end of Into the Unknown scene), when she confronted Elsa that the magic can’t be good, when she stood in front of the mist, when she saw her surrounding changes before the Northuldra accept the sisters, etc. Anna also seems so clingy towards Elsa, always want to hold dear her sister. And seemed too sensitive towards the word ‘die’ (completely misunderstood Kristoff’s saying).
This seems out of character of her, but after reading this book, I finally understand. Anna’s latest encounter with something magical and mythical, wasn’t pretty. Nope. Not at all. In the book, at first, Anna still feel the thrill of facing new adventure. But throughout the progress of the story, all the things happened in this previous 2 months before the movie, would definitely give the poor girl nightmares (like shown at the very end of the book, which also actually a part of the movie itself).
At one point, Anna needs to make a hard decision to left Kristoff behind, to intercept the possessed character going after the two sisters, with such a heartbreaking ‘goodbye’ kiss. And while she was spared from witnessing how the fight between the axe armed enemy and unarmed Kristoff went on, she wasn’t so lucky when witnessing Elsa fighting the enormous Nightmare Wolf. Safely stood inside Elsa’s ice dome, after another heartbreaking ‘I love you’ goodbye from her sister, Anna witness how Elsa charged at the wolf, with legendary sword in one hand, and ice power in her other hand (Elsa is so badass in this scene, btw), wipe the floor with the wolf, but when her sister went in for the finishing blow, the legendary sword shattered, and Elsa was pummeled down instead. Anna managed to look at her sister eyes the last time, before the wolf took over Elsa’s body. Her sister’s scream when the wolf took over her body, will definitely gave Anna PTSD for sure. The poor girl :,( After all, Anna’s biggest fear actually wasn’t her insecurities, but loosing her big sis.
This is exactly why Anna become so tense, and clingy towards Elsa. Especially after Pabbie’s warn, that Elsa might loose to the magic she followed. Because unlike Elsa who can ‘sense’ that the voice and magic in the movie was actually different than what the sisters have faced in the past two months, Anna only has her memories, the horror memory of loosing those close to her, especially Elsa, from the past 2 months. And when her biggest fear came true, when Elsa’s lost to a place Anna couldn’t reach, that’s when she went down to her lowest. (I might cry even more at the ‘next right thing’ sequences T.T)
I guess, this crazy adventures were also what make Elsa sang “I’ve had my adventure, and I don’t need something new. I’m afraid of what I’m risking, if I followed you.....”. Because despite her regal and calm demeanor, Elsa must also feels terrified at their latest adventures. Especially since she nearly lost Anna twice, when her little sister was almost drown in the river, and almost fall into the abyss inside an abandoned mines. Loosing Anna is certainly Elsa’s biggest fear too.
This book also told us a bit more about Frozen world building. Like the secret room at the castle. We learn that Iduna had been studying magic, and translating runes and mythical stories. I guess, this what make Iduna and Agnarr travel to find Ahtohallan. Strengthen the theory that suggest magic and mythical creatures are not strange in Arendellian soils. This very secret room also held the secret of the Enchanted Forest and the dam making, aside from the castle blue prints, and a saga of Aren.
We also saw how Arendelle prospers. After the gate opened, new people start to came and live there. Judging from the name patterns, these new people might came from so many different places, like Asia (Soo Jun, is a quite common Korean name). Showing that Elsa was a good leader, but sometimes she was too hard on herself.
We also understand that the people of Arendelle did saw the Northuldrans as bad guys (including Anna herself), who eliminate their beloved king Runenard. Strengthen the theory, that the mist was there to actually protect the Northuldrans from the angry Arendellians.
Fun fact:
Elsa likes to tugged at her finger, when she felt nervous. A habit left behind from using gloves all the time.
Anna’s favorite flower is sunflower (bright and warm, just like her :D). Anna can run really fast. Faster than Kristoff and Elsa (no wonder she can outrun the cart with Olaf in it, in the ‘Something never change’ sequence)
Kristoff still awed at how beautiful Elsa’s ice (sculpture) is. Ice is his life after all :P
Despite her good governance, Elsa still at edge and have trouble when speaking to people, both dignitaries and her people. Her one flaw from being a perfect Queen, result of her isolation for years. Her perfectionist side also shown that make her often too hard on herself, and her reluctance to share her burden with Anna, manifest as Elsa’s other fear in this book, that was being a bad queen. Things that make Anna said ‘Oh Elsa, when will you see yourself the way I see you’.
This book also shown how Elsa’s ice power and her control for it has grown in the past three years. She can make lenses from ice, can create a very strong ice dome to protect the castle and the village, can pin point the thickness of her ice, can make permafrost for Olaf, and never grew tired when blasting her power (unless her muscle gave out first, hindering her from flicking her wrist).
Anna’s other side also being shown here. She’s actually very smart (smarter than she gave herself credit for), she can speak several foreign languages, love to learn from anybody (literally anybody), loves any arts and cultures, and as a princess she knows her people by names (amazing!!). At certain points, we also see how Anna took a very unpopular decisions. This is actually Anna’s queen quality. That she herself didn’t give enough credit for. But Elsa clearly see it, and highly respect Anna for it.
Overall.... This novel is really good read! I highly recommend it, if you’re a big frozen fan. I will definitely read it again. Now to slowly devour the details in it :D
#frozen#frozen 2#frozen novel#anna#elsa#kristoff#sven#olaf#novel#review#thoughts#frozen review#frozen analysis
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Ok, I’m gonna rant a little about SUF because I’ve got some Emotions™ and some thoughts that I want to put into words, so to my good like 5 followers: feel free to ignore me
I first found Steven Universe some years ago when it first started airing. 2013. Dude, that’s 7 whole years ago. I didn’t pay any attention to it. Sure I caught an episode or two now and then, but I guess I usually changed the channel if it was on. I was more into Gravity Falls and video games anyway. I remember vaguely at some point I thought about watching it but it would take time and effort to get into it and it didn’t catch my eye, so I never did.
A few years later, I found the music. I never got into the whole soundtrack, but I loved listening to a select few songs. They always made me feel better. I remember playing Here Comes a Thought on a car ride home from the therapy sessions I used to go to.
At the end of last summer, I stayed for a week at a house on the beach with some family members. I left all my technology except for my Nintendo switch at home, so I eventually ran out of stuff to do. We were looking through the tv and since I haven’t really watched tv in some years, Cartoon Network was one of the only channels that I remembered the number for. Apparently they were playing all of the SU episodes in a marathon leading up to the movie. It was weird to realize I remembered so much of it. I tuned in every once in a while and saw that there was a plot and the show got better as it went on. I remember I got really into it when the episode with Here Comes a Thought came around. It was a weird realization that maybe the show was good. I started watching the series from the start when I got home the next week, skipping a few episodes I saw the week before. I got really into it, it was so weird for a show to have lgbtq+ representation, complex characters, good music, and good messages. It really helped me cope with some depression and junk, the show has always been so wholesome and delightful. I watched the movie a day or two after it came out and the songs really started getting stuck in my head. I’d be watering some plants and humming Other Friends or making myself a snack while listening to True Kinda Love. I searched through Tumblr and found a bunch of really interesting theories and AUs which I’ve been keeping an eye on.
I remember watching The Test and seeing Steven not even say anything about how the Gems lied to him. It really stood out to me. I thought that was super mature of him, I figured I’d be nice about it but there’s no way I would be able to let something like that slide, even if they were trying to help him. I’ve seen someone on here point out how that shows his self-sacrificing nature and how he doesn’t want to advocate for his needs/feelings because he’s afraid to be a burden. Weird how idolizing that action may reflect my own tendency to be too scared to advocate for myself for the same reasons?
Anyways
Future rolled around and I loved that it was a little darker, focusing on Steven and his problems. To see mental health portrayed accurately in a show? A kid’s cartoon? Wild.
To relate to it? Wild.
It’s such a sharp feeling to have a show you’ve grown to love, a voice you’ve grown to trust, tell you that you can’t bottle up your emotions. Like yeah, everyone says the whole “you gotta trust ur friends and family! you’re not a burden!!” but it’s honestly easier to believe when it’s presented like this.
Imagine taking advice from a children’s show when you can’t accept that very same advice from friends, family, and actual experts?
Yeah. Some of it hits real close to home and I’m obviously not the only person on here to think that. It’s nice to see that the show means so much to so many people.
Am I gonna miss it? Absolutely, but I’m satisfied to see it end like this. I may only have been a fan for a few months, but it’s grown on me like fungi grows on a tree. Is it flawed? Of course it is! But it was good. I liked it. Am I afraid to admit that to the people in my life, to my friends? Yeah. I’ve been afraid to tell people I like anything because people are so quick to shit on other peoples’ interests. People will find a flaw in anything and decide the whole thing is cringe or bad and judge the people who support it. Yes, it’s kind of silly. Yes, it’s kind of childish. Yes, the writing is flawed. Yes, there’s a lot of stuff that goes unaddressed or simply doesn’t make sense.
So?
Nothings perfect, dude. Relax. Let people let what they like. Let us take refuge in a cartoon because it helps us feel better. Respect that this is slightly breaking down the art block and burn-out I’ve been dealing with for a few years. It’s scary that art and writing, two things I’ve loved for ages, don’t seem appealing anymore. If a cute little show about space and gay rock-people and ice cream sandwiches motivates me to doodle something or write this dumb rant? Maybe it’s okay. If it makes us share some of our feelings or past traumas or get some real help when we’re scared to be a burden? Maybe it’s okay. I mean, I sure think it is.
#SU#suf#steven universe#steven universe future#ramble#rant#emotion dump#kinda personal?#not a vent#not a shitpost
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U for the fanfic author asks.
It is the next day, and I want to get a lot of writing done today, so once again, help me write! Send me some asks from the list, and I can’t answer until I’ve written three sentences in my wip! We’ll start with this one:
U. when did you start writing fanfic?
I started writing fanfic in 2016. I had joined tumblr so I could follow Udertale comics such as Aftertale and the Crayon Queen’s other work, Handplates, and some askblogs and AUs that I don’t even remember anymore. I was happily consuming content but not really interacting with anything (I’d never been in an online fandom before), and then @teffyjeffy created a week of fluffy sans prompts under the hashtag Cheer Up the Skeleton. Most people took the prompts as art prompts, but I decided that I was going to write something for them, and some of those little bits got upwards of 60 notes, which for a new blog with practically NO followers? Was pretty dang cool! (You can read those stories on my AO3 here if you want)
I only ended up writing two other stories for Undertale, a oneshot in second person and a chaptered fic with an oc that I will NEVER finish (and it’s what I cringe at the most when I look back on it), and then I kinda stopped using tumblr for awhile as I lost my Undertale hyperfixation, but that was the seed that got me started in fanfic. I’d gotten that taste of having people actually read your work, and around a year later after the release of Markiplier TV, decided to try and write an ego fanfic. I never finished that fic either (though you can still find it on my AO3 if you feel like it), but then something happened later that year that changed everything....Who Killed Markiplier came out.
All of a sudden I was dusting off my barely used tumblr account to participate in the mystery. I wrote theory posts that gained real traction in the markiplier fandom, getting thousands of notes and granting me a sudden influx of new followers. I changed my url from an undertale one (I used to be @nabstablook-22....yes, really) to what it is now, and my blog became entirely focused on WKM and Mark’s other content. I started writing fanfic again, mostly about darkiplier and wilford warfstache (you can read the markiplier stuff I wrote here), and I realized “hey...I’m actually good at this.”
Then, when trying to delete a sideblog, I accidentally deleted my tumblr account.
I had just passed 200 followers, and was devestated...not only by the loss of followers but by the lost of posts that I’d made on the blog! All my theory posts, all my fic, gone! But I’m nothing if not stubborn, and I made a new account as fast as I could so I could keep this url, and then I got to work. I messaged friends and mutuals to try and get as many followers back as I could, and I made posts calling for people who had reblogged my fics to send me links to those reblogs so that I could save them. I think there was maybe one story that didn’t get recovered, but I was able to find most of it again. And then, of course, some of my mutuals started reblogging....sanders sides content.
The rest is history, lol, I caved just before Thanksgiving and binged the entire series, and I was instantly hooked. Before long I was writing Sanders Sides stories, and found that these characters were much more fun and interesting to write with than the egos I’d been writing. I started Our Own Villain that December, wrote Burdens in January 2018, and around that time phased out of the markiplier community altogether.
So yeah, TL;DR, I started in 2016 with Undertale, and I’m beyond grateful that you guys have stuck around with me to read what I have to share with you!
Make me write: writer asks
#taylor talks#ask game#this got long sorry i just felt like telling the story#i-like-dogs-and-apologizes-alot#asks and answers
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