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souliebird · 7 months ago

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[[and then I met you || ch. 21]]

Series: Daredevil || Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader || Rating: Explicit

Summary:

A one-night stand years ago gave you a daughter and you are now able to put a name to her father – Matthew Murdock. Everything is about to change again as you navigate trying to integrate your life with that of the handsome and charming blind lawyer’s and Matt realizes he needs to not only protect his new family from Hell's Kitchen, but from the world.

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Words: 4k

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“Ahhhh.”

You open your mouth wide so Doctor Minnie can shine her flashlight down your throat. She hums and haws as she peers in, looking for who knows what, and when she concludes her search, she scribbles on your chart. Your chart is a piece of notebook paper with a wonderfully drawn crayon portrait in the corner, your name carefully written out across the top, and timestamps with detailed notes of each check up you have received today. These notes include squiggles that could be interpreted as cursive and the letters a, m, and q repeated over and over.

“You needs to drink more water and puts the towel on your ear,” your daughter tells you seriously. It is the same treatment you have gotten all morning, so you are well prepared for it.

“Thank you, Doctor.”

Minnie gives you a big smile, then whirls around to bark orders, “Nurse! We needs more water! Please, thank you!”

Matt is on the other side of the coffee table, sitting cross legged as he manipulates pipe cleaners around popsicle sticks. He and Minnie have been working on an art project for the better part of the morning - between your hourly check ups. He got his own checkup this morning and earned a band-aid on his cheek, but your daughter has been obsessed with making sure you are okay.

You are in no way complaining over her dotting - you more than understand this is how she is coping with what happened and you are more than happy to receive fake shots and orders to stay sitting on the couch. Whatever makes her feel safe and happy.

You know her father feels the same way.

He raises himself into standing, the smallest smile forming on his lips as he falls into his role, “Yes, Doctor. How many ccs?”

Minnie rubs her chin in thought, and you have to bite your lip so you won’t start laughing. She’s been so intense playing doctor, and you don’t want to discourage her. You are worried any teasing might upset her and that is the last thing you want to do at the moment, especially given the circumstances.

She finally decides on a number and declares, “Six!”

“Six ccs of water coming right up,” Matt tells her. He plucks your still half-full water bottle from the coffee table and starts towards the kitchen. Mouse watches him go, squinting her little eyes like she’s either judging him or trying to remember something.

Apparently, it is the latter, as she gasps, then calls after him, “And appy juice!”

Matt gives a dramatic gasp and turns to face the both of you, “And appy juice? Are you sure, Doctor?”

Minnie giggles, clearly amused by her Daddy’s antics. There’s a difference between teasing and playing along, and Matt is king at being Mouse’s partner in crime. You’ve seen a different side of your daughter come out when she’s around him - a little bolder and more sure of herself - and you want nothing more than to encourage that.

“It’s for me!” Your little one says between her laughs and that makes Matt smile brighter.

“Ah, a drink after a hard day's work. Six ccs of water for Mommy and one appy juice for the Doctor.”

“What do you say, Mouse?”

“Thank you, Nurse!”

As Matt gets your drinks together, you help Minnie out of her Doctor’s coat and you fuss with folding it as she starts to put her check-up toys back into their bag. She must be getting tired if she is asking for her juice, but she looks completely alert and like she could keep playing for another hour or so before slowing down. She woke up at her normal time this morning, but at some point in the night she wound up in your bed. You don’t blame her at all for that.

You’ve been on your own roller coaster of emotions this morning.

You woke up in a cold sweat - memories of being strangled flying through your mind - and the only thing that had been able to calm you was Matt’s arm around you. It helped to keep you grounded - remind you that you weren’t alone and that you were safe.

(“I love you.”)

No one can touch you or your baby if he is there and it isn’t some hindbrain ‘man protect woman’ nonsense.

Matt is a superhero in the most literal sense.

He has powers and an armored suit and fights bad guys.

It is hard to wrap your mind around and you have so many questions, but you both agreed to wait until Minnie took her nap to talk. This isn’t a conversation you can have over her head.

Minnie finishes picking up her toys just as Matt returns from his task. He lets her climb up onto the couch and settle against your side before handing over her juice. Your water gets placed on the table and you thank him before turning your eyes to your daughter.

“What do you want to watch, sweetie?”

“Penguins,” she answers, right before starting to nurse her juice. You found a video about the life of penguins that is toddler friendly a few days prior and it is quickly becoming a favorite. The documentary is a nice change from the cartoons that usually make up your television time and you are fine to watch it for the upteenth time.

Matt takes his place on Minnie’s other side, practically squishing her between you, and the three of you begin to quietly learn about the flightless tuxedo wearing birds. The video is a little less than thirty minutes long and by the time it is wrapping up, Mouse’s chin is on her chest, and she is snoring. In a silent agreement, you let Matt take care of putting her into bed for her nap. Though he has done it a few times now, he still cherishes the moment in a way you no longer do.

Your heart beats a little harder when Matt and Minnie disappear down the hallway. Your stomach swirls with anxiety over the talk you know is coming - though in a strange way you are not scared. You trust Matt to tell you the truth, but you are not sure you want to learn those truths. Doors you never even knew existed are opening to you and part of you wants to stay naive to the ongoings around you, but you know you can’t do that.

This is part of Matt’s world, and if he wants to be in Minnie’s, you need to know everything about it.

As you wait for Matt to return, you close your eyes and try to take a few deep breaths. It does nothing to calm your heart or mind, but it gives you something to focus on. You do not want to work yourself up by overthinking - that would just make things worse for everyone. So you count to five between inhales and exhales until you hear the door to the bedroom close.

(“I love you.”)

It feels like you stop breathing until the cushion beside you dips.

Your anxiety is flaring - your throat feels so tight and there is so much pressure on your chest. You know there isn’t a reason for your body to be reacting like this, but you don’t know how to stop it. You feel like you are trapped under your own worries, and you can’t escape.

“You’re terrified,” Matt says in a dull voice from beside you and you have to pry your eyes open to look at him. He looks so resigned and neutral, and your heart manages to pang for him between being crushed.

You don’t know what he could possibly be going through - you are finally alone with him, and your mind has decided you need to have an anxiety attack. Does he think you think he’ll hurt you or something just as ridiculous?

You may have only known Matt for a short time, but you trust him. He hasn’t done anything to break that trust and he has shown you he cares. He sat with you in the hospital and stayed with you after until he knew you were okay to be on your own.

He’s gone out of his way for you on so many occasions.

He’s made you feel safe.

Wanted.

Loved.

(“I love you.”)

Your mind is spinning and panicking and everything is so intense, but your mouth, as always, decides to work without permission.

“Will you hold me?”

The words shock you. You’ve never asked anyone to hold you - you generally don’t like to be touched - but when Matt’s arms are around you, the world seems a little more stable.

Matt seems just as taken aback as you are over the request. It takes him a moment to act, but then he chokes out, “Of course,” and opens his arms to you.

You turn towards each other, you bringing one leg up to tuck under yourself, and slot together. Your arms go around his middle and you press your face into his neck, while one of his hands goes to your hair to hold you in place and the other starts rubbing up and down your spine.

The relief is almost instant.

You release a long shaky breath and nuzzle yourself closer to him. He smells like your body wash and coffee, and he feels so solid against you. You feel like a shield has wrapped around you and nothing can get to you - not the all the day to day things you worry about like bills and messages you need to respond to nor all the evil things that lurk in the shadows.

For once in your life, you feel like you're not alone.

“I’ve got you,” Matt breathes into your ear and you believe him.

“You’ve got me,” you repeat into his shoulder. You can hear how watery your voice sounds and you tell yourself you won’t cry.

(“I love you.”)

You fall into a brief silence - you need a moment to recenter yourself and Matt seems to realize that. You feel him press a kiss to the side of your head as he continues to pet you and you have no idea why that helps to soothe your nerves. You let your eyes fall shut and focus on only him.

Once you don’t feel like you’ll get choked up if you start talking, you ask, “Is it okay if we talk like this?”

“Perfectly fine with me,” he whispers against you and you decide to just dive into it.

“You’re Daredevil.”

“I am,” he confirms.

“Will you tell me about it? From the start?”

You feel Matt take a deep breath and to offer him some sort of comfort, you curl your fingers into his shirt, holding onto him a little bit tighter.

“After I lost my dad and went to St. Agnes, they didn’t know how to deal with me. I didn’t have control over my senses, and I was angry at everything. I still don’t know how, but they found a man, Stick, to come help me - to teach me how to be Blind. He taught me more than that. He focused my senses, showed me I had control over them and how I could use them. And he taught me how to fight.” Matt’s words are steady and firm, but you can feel his heart pounding against you.

You absorb the words, a frown forming on your lips, “he taught you to fight? As a child?”

He sighs against you, then nods, “Yes. Stick believed there was a war coming between the Hand and the Chaste and they needed soldiers for the Chaste. I’ll…I can tell you more about that later.”

“Okay.” You want to know more about whatever the Hand and the Chaste are, but you can tell that is an entirely different conversation. One you aren’t quite ready for, yet.

“Stick taught me how to fight and how to use my senses to my advantage. He taught me how to channel my anger. My…my grandmother used to tell me the Devil was in the Murdock boys. And it’s true. I have the Devil in me - all my anger and rage. Stick taught me control. Then he left and I was angry he left, but I kept up my training. I didn’t need to enroll in martial arts classes to be able to learn - I could do it from blocks away. The boxing ring my Dad used to train at let me come in and use the mats and bags and I just kept at it.”

“Were you able to practice with people?” You ask. You know learning things in theory is way different than learning for practicality and fighting doesn’t seem like something you can just know in theory if you are a superhero.

Matt chuckles into your hair, “I got into a lot of fights in the schoolyard. I didn’t put up with bullies and no one wanted to admit I kicked their ass, so I never really got in trouble.”

With what you know of Matt and his personality and sense of justice, that makes perfect sense to you, and you say as much. He kisses your hair again before continuing on.

“When I reached college, I could…understand all the things I was hearing. All of the crime. I did everything I could - legally. I called the cops, I made reports, but more often than not, nothing ever happened. It made me angry - so angry - but my dad never wanted me to fight with my fists. He wanted me to use my head, do things the right way - so I tried. I really tried. For years. Then Foggy and I decided to start our own firm, to help the people in Hell’s Kitchen, really help them, and I couldn’t anymore. I couldn’t listen to the cries of kids being abused by their parents and people getting mugged and my city, the city I love, being poisoned. So, I let the Devil out.”

“And became Daredevil?”

“I did not choose that name,” Matt huffs, “But yes.”

You don’t remember much from when Daredevil first started appearing on the news - you were pregnant the first time you saw him, but you couldn’t pinpoint it. You have no idea what he was doing then.

So, you ask.

“How? How did you let the Devil out?”

Matt doesn’t answer you right away. He noses at your hair and traces his fingers up and down your spine and you have the feeling he’s thinking over his answer.

“I went after all the people poisoning my city. Not just the muggers and abusers. The drug and weapons dealers. The corrupt. There was a man named Fisk who was trying to take over the city, turn it into something it isn’t.”

“I know that name,” you say against him, “I read about it. There were…two cases? Legal ones.”

“Yeah. It was…complicated. It is complicated. We went against him as Nelson and Murdock and I went against him as Daredevil. He’s in prison now and he’ll be staying there,” Matt tells you and you have the feeling you will have to have a whole different discussion about Fisk in the future.

“But what about now? You are still out there fighting.”

“The city still needs protecting.”

It does, you know it does. Your attack is proof of that. You don’t want to think about it and the hands around your throat, so you press your face more into Matt’s neck and force yourself to fast-forward through the memory to something relevant to your current talk.

“You work with other…superheroes?” You ask. “Like Frank?”

“Frank isn’t a superhero and neither am I,” Matt scoffs, “But yes..I’m…learning to work with others. It’s not something I’m used to yet.”

“Tell me about them.”

He hums against you, then starts slowly, “You met Frank. He’s…we don’t get along. We have very different philosophies about how things should work, but he’s a good man. I’d rather be with him than against him and…I trust him to protect the people I care about. He’d fight tooth and nail for Karen - he has, and if I had to choose someone, besides myself, to protect you and Minnie, it would be him.”

Again, you believe Matt. From what you have seen of Frank, and not the Punisher, you think that trust is well earned. If Matt trusts him, you think you should too.

“And there’s Jessica. She is a private investigator and….very strong. Luke is also strong and..uh..bulletproof. He’s dating Claire, who you also met, she’s a nurse who got wrapped up in everything and helps when we get injured. And then Danny and Colleen. They are…” he trails off, like he’s unsure how to describe them and you do not push. You can’t imagine having to describe superheroes.

“What about Foggy and Karen?”

Matt shakes his head, “I try to not involve them in Daredevil things, but it ends up overlapping. They want to help, but I want them to be safe.” He pauses and you can feel him swallow, like he’s nervous. “I tell them everything, though. I used to think I had to keep my lives separate - one as Matt Murdock and one as Daredevil. I’ve tried to live as only Matt and I’ve tried to live as only Daredevil, but neither worked. I’m still finding the balance of living as both, and they help me. They give me rules to follow, make sure the plans I come up with are sound and that all options are considered. That is what I want with you. I want to be open. I want to be able to tell you everything and not keep secrets. I have seen what that does to people in my life and I don’t want that with you.”

You take in his words and let them mull over in your mind.

You can’t ask Matt to stop being Daredevil - you know you can’t. You heard what he said about why he needed to be Daredevil, and you understand that. He can’t sit by and do nothing, and by what he is telling you, he’s trying to be smart about it. He works with people to protect the city - to protect you. Yes, it scares you about all the risks he is taking and how they will translate into your life, but ultimately, the decision is his. If he wanted to keep you in the dark about everything, it would be a different story, but he doesn’t seem to want that. That makes it easier to accept and process - having as many pieces of the puzzle as you can helps you see the whole picture.

You shift slightly in his arms, tucking yourself even closer to him, and ask, “What are you working on now? With Frank?”

Again, he doesn’t answer right away. You let him think over his words as you process. Your anxiety has definitely decreased - you feel like you can breathe and that things are going to be manageable. You can speak with Foggy and Karen and get their perspective on things and it can help you come up with a game plan.

Having a plan is step one in everything being okay.

(“I love you.”)

“Jess, Frank, and I are…,” Matt starts slowly, “trying to help some street kids. They live in the sewers and don't trust the System or cops, but a few of them have gone missing and one has been killed, and they are scared. There's been guys in suits lurking near one of their hang outs and they don't appear in any government database, so we've been trying to track them down.”

Horror runs through you at his words. Someone has been hurting kids? Minnie’s face flashes through your mind and you press yourself closer to Matt.

“Street kids?”

“Mostly teens,” Matt amends. “I gave them information about St. Agnes but I more than get why they don't trust it. The System is horrible. The sewers are the only place they feel safe.” You feel him lick his lips again, then to your surprise, his voice changes from serious to almost fond. “They have a tent city. They let us come down there and bring supplies last week. Blankets and food and stuff. Frank got them a cellphone, so they'll be able to contact us if anything happens.”

Your mind spins at the idea of a bunch of kids living in the sewers. You knew it happened - New York is full of homeless people - but you never thought about it before. Guilt plagues you and you can't help but ask, “Can we help in other ways?”

Matt shakes his head, “Not in the ways you are thinking. We're going to find these guys and put a stop to whatever they are doing and right now that's the best we can do for them. They don't want to come up to the surface and if we try to force them, they'll move and still be in danger. After they know they can trust us and we put a stop to what is happening, we can start the next steps.”

“You'll protect them?” You ask, wanting to hear him say it.

“The kids may be under the streets of Hell's Kitchen, but they are still mine to protect.” His arms tighten around you, and you feel yourself melt against his chest, “And you are mine to protect.”

(“I love you.”)

“How do we protect you?” You ask, wanting to help in some way.

“Like this,” he hums, his fingers tangling into your hair a bit. “By reminding me what I am fighting for. Giving me a reason to live. I’ve been in the depths of Hell, just wanting to give up - give my life over to the Devil and go until my body stopped. I’ve been bloody and broken and alone. I don’t want that again. I want to be here with you. With Minnie. You’re my reason to get back up.”

(“I love you.”)

You press your face flush against his neck, your cheeks heating up at words. “Should I get a better first aid kit? Take CPR classes?”

He chuckles against you, and you feel it vibrate down into his chest, “That wouldn’t be a bad idea.” He pauses then tells you quietly, “Minnie has seen me in my armor, but I’m going to be doing my best to avoid getting injured in a way she can see. I have been working more on my defense - something I never really practiced.”

At the mention of your daughter, you pull back so you can look Matt in the face. Talking where you don’t need to look at his face has been helpful in calming your anxiety, but when it comes to Minnie, you need to look him in his sightless eyes.

“Are you going to train Minnie -”

“No.” Matt cuts you off before you can get the question out. “I’ll teach her how to cartwheel and other fun things, but I will never teach her to fight. I think everyone should take a defensive course to learn to get away, but I don’t want her to punch. I don’t want this anger inside of her. Minnie doesn’t have the Devil in her, and I won’t be the one to put him in her.”

You search his face and know he is telling the truth. You want your daughter to grow up to be a good person, to have as much passion as Matt does about helping the world, but the idea of her suiting up and fighting crime terrifies you. You are glad Matt feels the same way.

“Will you teach me?” You ask after a hesitant moment. “I was pretty abysmal at defending myself.”

He raises his eyebrows at the question, “You want to learn how to defend yourself?”

You shake your head, then lick your lips before dropping your voice just a touch, “I want to protect the people I care about, too.”

Matt tugs you forward gently until your foreheads are touching. You close your eyes again and let yourself start to smile.

“I’ll teach you whatever you want to learn.”

(“I love you.”)

a/n: we're over 100k words :')

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#soulie writes #fanfiction #daredevil #matt murdock x you #matt murdock x reader #and then i met you

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dragonwysper · 1 month ago

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Just finished Mouthwashing, after hearing all sorts of snippets of fandom drama about it. I'd stayed away from all that because I didn't have the context, but now I do! So I'm blasting you all with my thoughts.

Long post. Be prepared. Spoilers for Mouthwashing and CW for in-depth discussion of SA below.

So the biggest aspect of the drama side of the fandom that I've been seeing is how the game handled Anya's rape. Some people think it was devastating and properly showed the awfulness of Jimmy, and feel Anya's trauma was portrayed accurately and handled well. Others think Anya was somewhat one-dimensional; she was given a stereotypically female-specific trauma to match the different pain/traumas of the other crew members, and feel the subject wasn't given enough weight and respect.

After having played the game (while also going into it with the knowledge and expectation that it would be about SA), I can see both sides. Though I think my thoughts on everything come from some core details.

Firstly, the core theme of the game is not SA. It's karma. Jimmy is a terrible person who doesn't care about the pain he inflicts on others, as long as he gains something from it. The game follows him as he destroys the people around him, and treats them like fodder to fuel his own goals. We see all of this catch up to him in the end, and he's sortof divinely punished, or overcome with guilt, or whatever it is, because of it. Each person's harm is unique and everybody has their own micro-themes, but the core theme of the game is overwhelmingly karma.

Essentially, this is not a game about SA. This is a game about a terrible person getting what's coming to him.

Secondly, rape as shock content is a common gripe regarding mostly horror movies. It's a quick and easy way to create motivation, so much so that it's turned into its own subgenre of 'rape and revenge' plots. Think I Spit On Your Grave style movies. The other side of the same coin is objectifying the victim, which creates an exploitative feel. The act of the rape itself, and furthermore the shock of it, is more important than the victim and their feelings and trauma. Rape is detached from the lasting harm it causes, and is more something to justify getting up in arms about something/someone rather than a trauma.

And while we do see some of Anya's trauma from SA, Mouthwashing by and large is not meant to be a commentary on SA specifically. Again, it's about how terrible of a person Jimmy is, which makes the SA, at least in part, a tool to make the player hate him.

Ultimately, if Mouthwashing was changed to where Anya faced a different form of harm from Jimmy, instead of SA, it would still be just about the same game. You could still make a convincing game with karma and bad people getting their comeuppance as the core theme. And that I think is the most important realization to have about the subject.

Anya's SA was the first trauma, and the details of the aftermath are what kickstarted the plot, but it was, intentionally or not, a tool to make you hate Jimmy. Because the game isn't about Anya and her trauma. It's about Jimmy and his karma.

I think Mouthwashing is fascinating, and that theme of karma is not something I see done well very often. I think the style of the plot and all the little details that expound upon the micro-themes of the game are extremely well done. And I think it did handle its themes of SA better than a lot of content that discusses it. But it's not perfect, and it falls short of really digging into the true weight of it. It's not a game that makes any real progress on the portrayal of sexual trauma in media. It's cleaner and less graphic than 'rape and revenge' stories, but it ultimately still relies on exploiting the shock of rape to serve a 'bigger' plot.

It's late, I'm tired, and I'm struggling to properly word what I'm feeling, but hopefully my interpretation of nuance comes through.

#restating again that i really liked mouthwashing and i think it's super creative #it just is not a game about sa #trying to look at it through that lens and deem it exemplary as a game about sa is misguided #anyway #tw sa #mouthwashing #anya mouthwashing #jimmy mouthwashing #long post #i rate this game 7/10 btw #i might make a post in the future discussing my thoughts on the woobification of media by fandoms #because that is also a huge critique by people critical of mouthwashing #but that time is not now #i have no idea how this post will be recieved. but i can only hope i don't get crucified for it

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thlayli-ra · 7 months ago

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For @sparklylap who wanted to see my sketching process. Maybe one day I'll make a properly edited vid with subtitles or a voice-over or something but today is not that day (re. I am incredibly lazy!)

Step 1 - Figure Sketch - this was my second attempt at sketching this pic so it didn't take as long. Here, I sketch the figures themselves (starting from the torso not the head - best advice I've ever been given!) to get an idea of what they're doing

Step 2 - Add Perspective - recently, I've been trying out new angles and it's made my drawings a lot more interesting. I draw a grid and warp the figures to adhere to it

Step 3 - Cleaner sketch - I find it much easier to 'ink' from a cleaner sketch than from a really messy one. You'll also notice that at this stage I begin cheating!!! 😱 Yes, I recently embraced tracing. Usually, I use it to check my proportions, help with parts of anatomy I'm struggling with and for faces. I mean I could spend an hour or two doing studies on Drew McIntyre's face but at the end of the day I just wanna draw him on his knees looking longingly up at an older man with tattoos. Also, he already gave me the most perfect expression! I trust in my skills to interpret it in my own artistic style and make something fresh with it.

Step 4 - Inking - drawing the clean linework is a long arduous process but I love watching the final piece start to take shape. Linework is more important to me than colour so I focus a lot on this stage. I like having blocks of solid black (definitely influenced by my love of comic art) and varying thickness of lines to convey weight and depth.

Step 5 - Admire! - Take pride in what you've done! You've created something! It maybe wasn't what you envisioned exactly but you've gotten something out of your head and onto the paper/tablet/canvas/whatever you use and the more you do it, the more the creativity flows out of you.

#Thlayli-art #art process #art video #punkintyre #wrestling fanart #drewpunk

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adamsvanrhijn · 6 months ago

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I wonder if Thomas is travelling with Guy as his servant and therefore if there is a servant's quarters Thomas would go there. I didn't think about it but someone brought it up in a post. Personally I interpreted the job as a PA type thing.

Is this just in the context of DA3 or like, in general? I'm curious what their reasoning was, because I don't think that makes sense with what we know!

Context + canon refresher since I just saw the movie and it's fresh in my mind...

First of all, "servants' quarters" isn't even a universal concept—especially by this point in the 20th century, especially outside of the UK.

By 1928 and especially by 1930, the vast majority of people do not have servants, let alone live-in servants who travel with them. Domestic workers like cooks and cleaners are likely to not live where they work and to have more than one client. Some services a lady's maid or a valet might have provided, like mending or planning travel or personal shopping, are outsourced; some, like dressing a person, are simply not relevant anymore.

Such that, if you're traveling with your same-sex companion/partner/lover who is not your servant, you don't gain any safety or security by falsely claiming that they are your servant — if anything, you're shooting yourselves in the foot when it comes to being able to interact normally in front of others & inconveniencing your host who probably isn't prepared for this scenario.

When you & your lover already present to strangers as, & are in fact also in, a lateral professional relationship, there isn't really a reason to claim otherwise. Way easier to tell the truth, including that you both have identical accommodation needs. With hosts who don't have all the details, this would most likely look like adjacent rooms, adjoining rooms, a suite or room with multiple beds, etc. Obviously for familiar hosts who do have the details it can be whatever the host & guests would like.

Changing that up just because you happen to visit a rich person who has live-in servants with dedicated servant accommodations doesn't really make sense and is very inconvenient and complicated. In addition to being a bad move where your relationship's longevity is concerned.

Anyway, on top of all that, Guy says out loud on screen that he doesn't even see value in the social role associated with servants when he speaks with Thomas in the butler's pantry:

THOMAS: Suppose someone comes in. What would they say?

GUY: I don't care. I've lived in America for ten years now. I don't believe in that stuff anymore.

We see him demonstrate this with how he treats and speaks to others while he's at Downton. With Thomas specifically, a couple examples of this are, when he insists that he and Thomas address one another as equals, and in an even more revealing way, in their first 1:1 interaction, when he doesn't seem to be thinking about it and speaks to Thomas with more familiarity —light-hearted teasing — than most would find appropriate in context between a guest and a servant, which he seems to then realize after the fact (based at least in part on Thomas's reaction) and immediately explain and apologize for. It's giving season 1 episode 2 Matthew Crawley but way more thoughtful. Some characters could never!!!! 👀

HOWEVER, none of the above context even matters...

...because Guy also says out loud that he expects as part of what he is proposing that Thomas will be comfortable on his own terms with however much involvement or meaning he wants, making the choice to clarify this out loud rather than leave it ambiguous (emphasis mine)—

GUY: Hollywood gets some bad publicity, but I live in a place called Hancock Park, and it's... it's pretty nice.

THOMAS: I can believe it.

GUY: Well, why don't you come and see for yourself?

THOMAS: What.

GUY: I mean it. I travel a lot for my work, and I don't have a wife to look after me, so... [pause] ...you could do it.

THOMAS: I'd be your valet?

GUY: More than that. You'd run the house and organize our journeys, make me comfortable. [beat] Make us both comfortable. ...Of course, if my career folds, then we'd have to think again, but...

THOMAS: Your career won't fold.

and

THOMAS: Tell me, did your offer mean what I think it did?

GUY: It can mean as much or as little as you like.

THOMAS: I'd like it to mean a great deal.

GUY: Then you're in luck.

So like, Thomas being the one responsible for figuring out the travel in the first place and making BOTH of them comfortable... He is the one who gets to make that choice!!

& I personally don't think that's at all what Guy would hope Thomas would choose... or that he [Guy] would let it go undiscussed if he [Thomas] did make that choice. That does not appear to be at all what Guy has in mind. Even if they're keeping things strictly professional, I think his expectation on traveling arrangements would be what I describe above for two professionals traveling together—same exact level of accommodation, near enough for work coordination & collaboration, but they're not stepping on each other's toes and can lock the door on each other if they so wish.

My personal interpretation, supported by Dominic West saying Thomas is Guy's lover in that interview recently, is that Actually when they are traveling together they are simply not going to lock the door on each other though 😌💅🏻 They have their reasons 😌💅🏻

#downton abbey tag #i don't have a tag for them.....#uhhh #thomasguy tag #guythomas tag #we will see which wins #i never have one of them pose as a servant when i write thomas/richard fic where they travel... no reason for that to apply here either!

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modrntravlr · 5 months ago

Text

A Love Letter to Avians

Pairing: The Doctor/Rose Tyler

Rated: General

Summary: When Rose decides she wants the Doctor to take her to see the dinosaurs, she discovers that they're a bit more complicated than she originally thought. The Doctor takes her through time as he teaches her the history of avians and how 21st-century birds are directly descended from the dinosaurs of the Mesozoic era.

WC: 3.3k

A/N:

hi everyone,

just a bit of doctor who tenrose/timepetals (could be read as either) fluff inspired by some readings done in my biological evolution class. most of the dating and geography is scientifically accurate, but of course the actual physical descriptions of the dinosaurs and flora of the Mesozoic era is all inspired by artist interpretations. hope you all enjoy!

-c

p.s. the two main sources i used when writing this have been uploaded to my internet archive and are linked at the end for anyone who wants to read up on it for themselves.

“Right then, Rose, where’re we off to next? Your choice.”

“Well, you still haven’t taken me to see any dinosaurs, how about we go there? Plus, no people there to cause any trouble.”

“‘Yet to see dinosaurs’, Rose, we see dinosaurs every day,” he half-chuckled, scrunching his face in a slight mocking disapproval.

“We do not! How could we possibly see dinosaurs every day if we’ve never even gone further back than the 18th century on Earth?” Rose cheekily retorted.

“We just saw that pigeon eating outside the TARDIS before we came back in!” he exclaimed, dramatically pointing to the door as though the bird in question were still outside the box and not at least a few light years away by now.

“Pigeon? I said dinosaurs, not pigeons, Doctor. Have you gone mad?”

“No, I have not gone mad! Pigeons are dinosaurs. Crows, penguins, turkeys, ducks, that whole lot. All birds are dinosaurs. Every last one of them. You can’t possibly tell me you’ve never seen a bird before.”

“How can birds be dinosaurs? I’m talking about actual proper dinosaurs, like T. Rexes and Velociraptors and Pterodactyls, and that Loch Ness Monster-looking one.”

“Well see, those last two aren’t actually dinosaurs. Jurassic Park did irreparable damage to the dinosaur image,” he frowned to himself. “Right, but who am I to deny the brilliant Rose Tyler of Mesozoic dinosaurs, about 67 million years back should do it. Just about a million years before the big meteorite wipes ‘em all out,” he said, beginning to type the coordinates into the TARDIS console.

“Wait, but now I’m all curious about the birds and stuff. Are they really dinosaurs, or are you just taking the mickey? I mean they’re not really that old, right?” Rose asked, self-consciously biting her lip.

“Well your modern birds haven’t been around that long, but they’re direct descendants of mesozoic dinosaurs, and still just as dinosaur-y as their ancestors were. Some of them looked and sounded similar to the modern ones though,” he absentmindedly replied, still focused on the console screen.

“Wait, Doctor! I want to see them,” she spoke up. “The bird relatives or whatever they are, I mean.”

He cheekily smiled looking up from the screen and at Rose. Rose, who was fearless as ever.

“Quite right,” he gave her that signature crooked smile of his that made her melt. “Even further back then, 150 million years ago. Late Jurassic period, Rose, further back than we’ve ever gone before!”

He was right. It was the furthest back they had ever gone. Further back in time than any human, apart from Rose herself now had ever been. The trees were absolutely massive, and all had what Rose could only describe as fern-like qualities. The sky was bluer than she had ever seen it during their travels across various times in Britain, and she had never breathed cleaner air.

“That, Rose, is the earliest ancestor of your modern birds. It’s called an Archaeopteryx.”

Rose had met a lot of unfamiliar and uncanny creatures during her time with the Doctor, but this one by far had to be the most interesting. She watched attentively as the bird elegantly soared above their heads, gliding from tree to tree, hand clasped to the Doctor’s slightly nervous of any unknown dangers that may be lurking in the foliage surrounding them. It was a fairly small bird, not much larger than the average bird she’d see flying around London in the 21st century, but it was undeniably beautiful. Its short legs ended in clawed feet made for perching on the tall trees of its time, and its tail was decorated in the most brightly beautiful blues Rose had ever seen that matched its wings, which had the most noticeable difference from 21st-century birds. Unlike the birds Rose was familiar with, this one ended with long, spindly claws, making the bird appear as though its feathered wings were merely decorative sleeves it had attached to its arms. Its head though was long, with a relatively large and pronounced beak, forming a nearly perfect triangular shape with its vertices slightly rounded, that housed sharp teeth she had never seen on a bird before. The Doctor had been right though, it was undeniably a bird.

“So where exactly are we right now? I mean what country would this be in the 21st century?” Rose asked, still staring at the bird, seemingly unphased by their presence.

“150 million years from now, this is Central Europe. We’re more or less standing in Germany right now,” he answered, eyes solely on Rose as she awed at the creature.

“And where are the T. Rexes I was asking about earlier?”

“Not around yet. Archaeopteryx predates T. Rexes by about 80 million years, give or take a couple million.”

“So what came next then, if not the T. Rex? How did this become a pigeon?” she asked, finally meeting his eyes.

“Well why don’t we have a look?” he said smiling, cocking his head towards the parked TARDIS.

They walked hand in hand back to the TARDIS where the Doctor swiftly made work of the console and sent them a few million years closer to Rose’s time. In hardly any time at all, the TARDIS landed.

“Welcome, Rose, to the Early Cretaceous Period. Congratulations, you’re the only human to have seen the Jurassic Period and lived to tell the tale,” he announced, ceremoniously opening the TARDIS doors.

Rose stepped out to see what looked quite similar to the Jurrasic period they had just seen. There were more fern-like plants, and the trees differed slightly, trunks and leaves slightly thicker than their predecessors.

“This is now 129 million years before your time. And that,” he said pointing to a new creature “is Confuciusornis, in the flesh. Or rather, feathers. As you probably could’ve guessed by its name, we’ve now landed in what would be modern-day China,”

Once again, Rose thought, it was undeniably a bird. It was slightly smaller than the previous one and bore quite a few differences. Unlike the Archaeopteryx, this new creature had two thin tails, each bald except for a few short feathers at the ends. Its head and clawed wings were relatively similar to both the Archaeopteryx of the Jurassic period and the birds of her own time. This bird, however, had beautifully white feathers dusted with shades of pale yellows, oranges, and blues.

Not far off in the distance, a twig snapped, sending the poor bird flying away in fear. It was then that movement caught Rose’s eye as another creature moved into view, out from behind a tree. Now this creature was truly and utterly unlike anything Rose had ever seen. It was small, no bigger than a house cat or smaller dog, but it looked much more like the kinds of dinosaurs Rose had seen in films and television shows. It walked on two muscular, but short hind legs and had two even shorter arms, resembling a sort of mini T. Rex, with a tail that was about its own length and a half. What Rose found the most shocking though, was the feathers that coated its body head to toe, nose to tail. They looked nearly identical to those of the bird that it had scared off just moments before but with a distinct deep orange color mixed with patches of white.

“Doctor, what on earth is that?” Rose whispered nervously.

“Oh, that’s a Sinosauropteryx, how brilliant! It’s not a bird, but it does have feathers like one, and it is in fact a dinosaur. A few non-avian species, like this one, had feathers but none of them survived beyond the Mesozoic era. Right then, best be off so we don’t disturb it. Besides, we haven’t even gotten to the exciting stuff yet.”

It was a much smaller jump this time, only 5 million years into the future, and still in what would eventually become China. The Doctor explained to Rose the late great species of the Caudipteryx as they walked out of the TARDIS.

“It’s a bit larger than the ones we’ve seen so far, at least a meter tall. Quite funny looking to be completely honest with you, but brilliant nonetheless, Rose.”

He was right, it was taller, and it walked on two long and sturdy hind legs. It reminded Rose of something like a turkey, except with the head and neck of what she thought a proper dinosaur ought to look like. It had a long tapered tail decorated with an elaborate fan of feathers at the end of it. The feathers that covered its body were dull shades of browns, but Rose thought they complimented the odd bird nonetheless.

“You know, I’ll never get tired of this. Seeing all these things, with you,” Rose smiled at the Doctor standing by her side. He returned the smile, about to speak when something caught Rose’s eye.

“Oh my god! Doctor, it’s a bird. An actual proper bird and it’s chirping,” she said, wide-eyed and staring just beyond his head.

“Oh, that’s a Sinornis,” he announced, upon directing his attention to the small bird perched on a nearby branch. “Almost a Cenozoic bird but still not quite yet. Sort of a transitional species.”

Rose watched attentively as the Doctor stuck his arm out and whistled to the bird. The bird, for the first time, seemed to notice their presence before curiously flying over to him and perching on his hand. It was the smallest bird they had come across so far and was about the size of a pigeon standing at only a few inches. Rose however, thought it looked a bit more like a sparrow, only with a much thicker beak.

“It’s a close relative of the Archaeopteryx that we saw earlier, and if you look closely, it has those same claws on its wings, just a bit smaller. Look there,” he said, holding it closer to Rose and carefully exposing the underside of its wings tucked into its side. He was right, the three claws at the end of its wings were there just as they had been on all the others they had seen. Rose reached out and gently petted the small animal. It leaned into the touch briefly before it finally flew away and back into the trees.

“Come on now, back to the TARDIS. How do you feel about digging out your winter coat for a short trip?”

“Why? Where are we going?”

“Antarctica.”

The Doctor allowed the TARDIS to linger for a bit on the way to Antarctica, 6 million years into the future from where they’d previously been. He and Rose took to the various wardrobe rooms aboard the TARDIS as they fished out their warmest winter gear. According to the Doctor, Antarctica wasn’t anywhere near as cold as it is in the 21st century, in fact it wouldn’t even be frozen, but it was still the south pole nonetheless, and would certainly be chillier than Rose’s London.

To Rose’s surprise, not only was Antarctica not frozen, but it was thriving with life. There were actual plants and animals as far as the eye could see, and quite a diverse group of them too. Her and the Doctor had only made it a few steps out of the TARDIS when something suddenly landed a few feet in front of them. Rose had hardly even had the time to register the odd animal before it did the most unexpected thing.

“Doctor,” she whispered under her breath in an attempt to not startle the creature. “Did that thing just quack at us?”

“It did!” he whisper-shouted. “That Rose, is a Vegavis. Isn’t it brilliant?” He was carefully approaching it now. Attempting to get a better look.

“Doctor, that’s a duck.”

“Not a duck exactly, just looks like one. And quacks like one. But not a duck. Look, it has bigger wings than a Cenozoic duck.” He carefully reached out and gently lifted the bird's wings, extending them out for Rose to see as well. They were long, and its feathers were neither as colorful nor as slick as a ducks, but apart from that it had a similar shape and sound.

“Does it swim like a duck?”

“Oh yes! That’s why their wings are so long, good for diving and gliding through the water to catch food. Right now, back in your time, 2006, there’s a group of archaeologists that just discovered a Vegavis fossil for the very first time in human history a few months ago. They haven’t told the public yet, haven’t even thought to call it a Vegavis yet. They won’t know much about it for a while, but by the time you're about 30, they’ll have figured out just how similar to a duck it really is,” he said, looking at her with that smug smile of his.

“So you mean, I’m sort of like the first human to know what a Vagavis is?” she smiled back at him.

“Something like that.”

They’d spent a few more moments watching the Vegavis from a distance before finally deciding to head back to the TARDIS, this time with the Doctor’s promise that a T. Rex would be at their next stop. As the TARDIS drifted off into the future, she and the Doctor made their way back into the wardrobe room to shed their thick, warm layers and put on something a bit more suited for relatively temperate weather.

“America, Rose, in the summertime. Plenty of sun to soak up while we’re there, no need for coats and what not.”

The Doctor had set the TARDIS’s coordinates to roughly 68 million years prior to Rose’s time, somewhere in the North West United States, up near the Canadian border. The more-or-less modern Wyoming-Montana area he had told her.

In just a few short moments, the TARDIS had gently touched ground, and finishing up their final touches on their respective outfits, they made their way out of the TARDIS and entered the world of the Late Cretaceous period. In all of Rose’s time spent with the Doctor, she had seen an immeasurable number of absolutely magnificent things, although she could definitely count quite a few of them that she had seen in just that singular day alone, but this was like nothing she had ever seen in her 20 years.

The sun was beating down on wide, long grassy fields that stretched out in every direction as far as her eyes could see, and although there were a bit fewer trees in this part of the world compared to some of the other places the Doctor had taken her to see that day, there were more animals leisurely grazing the fields than she could’ve ever imagined possible. Some of them were absolutely massive, their heads, reaching the treetops as they lazily munched on leaves pulled straight from the highest branches. Others, much smaller, zooming past her legs in the tall, swaying grass, hardly reaching the height of her knees.

Almost immediately, she realized the Doctor had kept his word, and there were a few of the strange looking animals that she could vaguely recognize and name herself without the help of the Doctor’s vast bank of knowledge. She could see T. rexes, running through the fields, some of them play-fighting with one another like they were a couple of stray dogs she'd see running through the streets of London, forget the fact that each one looked to be about the size of the Powell estate. A bit closer to where her and the Doctor stood, and only slightly smaller than the T. rex, she could see quite a few Triceratopses, each distantly spaced away and seemingly ignoring one another, their majestic crowns and massive horns looking even more colorful and spectacular than any picture she’d ever seen them depicted as in books and films.

Aside from those two, there were definitely a few that she couldn’t necessarily name off the top of her head, but they were certainly the type of dinosaurs she’d had in mind when the day had begun. Each longer than they were taller, with their bulging muscles and hunched backs. However, now that her eyes had been trained for it, she noted that there were in fact birds. More birds than she had seen in all the times and places she had been previously that day and they were everywhere, far outnumbering the T. rexes, and the Triceratopses, and what the Doctor had helpfully reminded her was a Brontosaurus. They came in every size, and every shape, and every color she could’ve possibly thought to imagine, and they were so undeniably bird-like, now looking like an odd mixture between the birds she knew from home, and the archaic ones the Doctor had introduced her to throughout the day. They had their wings, and their tails, and their feathers, and beaks. She was in absolute awe.

“There’s just so many of them,” she said, staring out at all the animals in front of her and around her, shock on her face.

“Well of course there are, Rose. Why’d you think they’re the only lineage of the dinosaurs to have survived. Each and every animal serves an individual purpose, a niche. Look at those T. rexes, and the Gryposaurus. Sure, they’re big and scary, but that’s limiting. It’s like the sharks and whales, and tigers in the Cenozoic era. They’re already at the top of their ecological pyramids, so confined by their environment’s expectations of them, although you humans definitely don’t help much either, but I digress. My point is, Rose, they have nowhere to go from the top but down.

“But these birds, Rose, these brilliant, beautiful, magnificent birds, they are putty in the hands of the world. Look at how diverse they are, each and every one of them unique in their own right. Not just these here in front of us, but each and every single one we’ve seen today. For a brief period of time, after the asteroid hits, the Earth becomes a sort of biological wasteland, but those that survived did so because they adapted. They had purpose, niches to fill, an entire world to repopulate. You humans go on and on and on bickering and arguing and going to war over diversity and differences, but this Rose, this is nature. This is life. ”

They had spent more time there in Montana than they had in any other place they had visited that day. The Doctor introduced to Rose and taught her about the Pectinodon and the Anzu and Archeroraptor as they freely wandered through the fields alongside the dinosaurs, occasionally stopping to look at a rather interesting tree or foliage that wasn’t being occupied by an animal at the time. By the time they’d made it back to the TARDIS, although still light out, the sun had already disappeared beyond the horizon, and Rose was right and proper knackered after all the travel.

“Thank you,” she sighed into the Doctor’s shoulder as she tightly clung to him as he sent the TARDIS into the time vortex to drift while they rested.

“What for, Rose?” he dryly laughed as he returned the hug once his hands had finished with the console.

“For today, for everything. For just being you.”

They stood there for a moment, just enjoying one another's touch and their oh so rare moments of peace with one another.

“Right, off to bed, before you fall asleep standing here in the console room like a horse,” he said, both of them laughing as they finally let go of each other, Rose off to her bedroom, and the Doctor left to pass the time until his most beloved companion was rested and ready to set off on their next adventure together.

Sources for Further Reading if you're interested: https://archive.org/details/dinosaurs-that-didnt-die

#—︎ my posts ☕️#author is neurodivergent about dinosaurs #doctor who #tenrose #fanfic #doctor who fanfiction #dinosaurs #tenth doctor #rose tyler #the doctor #ninth doctor #the doctor x rose tyler #timepetals #tenth doctor x rose tyler #ninth doctor x rose tyler

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waeirfaahl · 14 days ago

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Not part of the order

Some kind of partial sequel to my previous post. My personal interpretation of Aku's decision of making his robot army look like bugs is connected with two aspects — he respects animals (in contrast to sentient beings) and uses image of a scarab bug as a cleaner of planet (a cleaner in Aku's world), but at the same time in some senses Aku identifies himself with such carnivore and omnivore animals and insects and empathizes the idea "Humans considered such creatures scary, bad and dangerous and saw nothing beautiful and useful what these creatures do for nature, because these creatures don't fit in humans' world and worldview and don't want to obey to them" or whatever, i.e. humans think with stereotypes, so Aku makes this "food chain" as a mockery and cruel lesson for mortals and especially humans. There's no wish for "returning pre-historic times with big insects", because if Aku wanted, he'd do this before Jack's arrival — no humans, no animals of Jack's era, nothing modern or technological (honestly, it would look more like 1 season of Primal, but only with insects and dinosaurs, supernatural creatures, mammals that appeared before humans' ancestors, and aliens at best, also magic). And, well, Aku's entire core was to destroy the past and to be the future ("Now the fool seeks for return to the past and undo the future that is Aku!").

Plus, here I already discussed about the "deep layer" of "Birth of Evil" — the rivalry of two sides for living on Earth and ruling Earth (humankind vs Aku's ancestor, the fragment and then Aku, rejected by the world), how both humankind and Aku claim their right for being rulers of Earth. Aku claimed his right to rule only Earth, i.e. he is a heir, he is a prince, if you well, at the same time Aku never claimed that he is a creator of all species that live on Earth, he never claimed that he created the universe etc. He never portrayed himself as some god, but he gave knowledge and created pretty cool technological multi-cultural world.

And now I want to cover the one interesting aspect I probably either never mentioned or discussed not deep enough. The discussion under my previous post gave me some thoughts, so I want to go a bit deeper. Some people apparently can think (or simply share a theory/perspective that can lead to this idea — and in 5 season Jack mentioned the similar message) that Aku went against the natural order, corruped and destroyed the natural order and the nature itself etc, that Aku's existence is the mistake what goes against the natural order. And that maybe the three alien gods allegedly want to restore the natural order by preventing Aku and his future to happen and killing him by Jack's hands for good. Really?

Actually, in the show the wild nature was fine. I discussed about that here. So, let's dive deeper into such perspective. First of all, the three alien gods are hypocrites in this case. Before Aku's birth humankind as species/race already went against the natural order — unlike other species of Earth they evolved, they became sentient, they changed things for own comfort, they created art, religion, languages, technologies, they tamed animals and created new breeds either for own joy or use, they sent invasive species to the new lands, destroying ecosystems and endemic and native species, they marked some animal species as good and some as evil that must be destroyed, they caused the extinction of many animals species only for tropheys or meat or their fur or feathers. The creating of something what can save billions of lifes (of both humans and animals) or something what can destroy the entire life on the planet (or even the planet itself) is already the destruction of the natural order, isn't it? Humans did that before Aku. If you argue "But Aku conquered people and their territories!" — well, humankind did that their entire history, so, what's different between Aku's acts and humans' acts, if morally it is a crime no matter what, and if it is a natural order, since animals (who have no moral in contrast to sentient creatures) kill and eat each other and fight for territories, leadership, females and leaving offspring, what is basically a natural order or whatever, just without attempts to excuse it with morality? And... aren't the changes in a food chain the opposing against the initial (previous) natural order? For a dinosaur (if it was sentient and could spread ideology, for example) the extinction of own kind and the replacement by mammals it is a destruction of natural order, if you well.

Second, the three alien gods are hypocrites, because they mark humankind as some superior race and as the only one that has the right to rule the planet, since they marked human soul as the pure and righteous one and the only one that can defeat the evil, and they see nothing wrong with the genocide of the entire multicultural world and don't judge Jack and especially Ashi for this, but allow to them to live happily in the past.

And third, the three alien gods are hypocrites, because the emergence of humankind is indeed the destruction of the natural order. What's ironic, might I remind, specifically in the show's lore exactly the falling of the survived fragment caused the extintion of dinosaurs, what gave to mammals chance for domination on the planet and other aspects etc, hence humankind emerged exactly due to the fall of the "evil shred".

Not to mention that exactly the human (Jack's father) has created Aku — and I'd even argue that the poisoned arrow can be a metaphor of how a human corrupted the initially friendly and innocent creature with own hate.

So, why the three alien gods don't treat humans as some kind of "The Evil's creation" or "Abomination, corrupted by The Ultimate Evil"?

I guess, because the alien gods can argue this as "Well, the evil shred fall on Earth due to us, because we killed the giant evil void and somwhow missed its part, which somwhow survived and even gave the new abomination that must be destroyed. So, we can have claims for humankind, so humankind is our and is good and righteous!" or something like that (and, well, they are mistake that goes against the natural order too). Double standarts and twisted morality, I guess. I thought, my brain will explode during writing this post.

#aku #aku theories #aku samurai jack #samurai jack #samurai jack 5 season

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vashtijoy · 2 years ago

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probably a silly question, but i was under the impression that mental shutdowns can either kill or put someone in a coma, while psychotic breaks make the victim abandon all societal norms and whatever inhibitions they had. sort of like. it will make them act like their worst self and desires and intrusive thoughts but it won't kill them. is this wrong? :0 i guess even in my interpretation a psychotic break can make someone act in such a way that will cause them serious body harm or death. but can a psychotic break kill on its own?

You have it right, anon! Definitions again:

psychotic breakdown—more literally something like "mental rampage", this is the result of Akechi using Call of Chaos on someone's shadow. The game implies (with statements like "once the chains on [their] heart are broken") that the things people do during a breakdown are things they can't admit they want to do; the things they repress down into their shadow. These result in "accidents and scandals", and (probably?) won't kill you directly.

mental shutdown—the result of Akechi killing someone's shadow, this is haijinka, more literally "cripple-ization" or "making someone a human wreck" (thanks so much, y'all)—note that 廃人 haijin is derogatory and "should be used with caution".

Here's Japanese Wikipedia (via Google Translate bc I'm both lazy and busy this morning) on haijin:

When people are generally called "haijin", most of them refer to cases in which sociality is significantly impaired compared to healthy people . Because of the particularly strong discriminatory elements, it is used when the mind is destroyed or activity is hindered due to congenital (or acquired) mental disorders, or when normal social activities are difficult.

Note that, while these are two very different things, with very different effects, the localisation typically muddies the water by saying shutdown when it means breakdown, or vice versa. Or by turning "shutdowns and breakdowns" into one or the other. Or by describing something else entirely as a mental shutdown—the cases in that post are breakdowns, but they're a specific subset of breakdown. So when you hear these mentioned in English, think about what they're describing, and which definition it meets. The characters are often validly confused about what's going on, but the terminology is also usually muddled, one way or another.

how fatal are they tho

Using @cincosechzehn's original spreadsheet as an indicator, we see five mental shutdowns in canon, as part of the plot: Wakaba, Kayo, Kobayakawa, Okumura and the SIU Director. Out of these five, the only five we see onscreen, four of them die and one recovers.

Those are bad odds. Those are really bad odds. That's an 80% kill rate. Like, the SIU guy and Okumura may not be in good health, but by their nature mental shutdowns are going to tend to target older people in power. Wakaba and Kobayakawa may just in the wrong place at the wrong time—but that's still 40%; going brain dead in the real world is not safe.

On the upside, the only person we hear about having a mental shutdown and not dying immediately does begin to recover in the medium term. But Sae (a reliable source, unlike the TV news) tells us people "lose consciousness, never to recover"—which likely makes those odds a bit worse.

Based on this, I would be really hesitant about saying "mental shutdowns aren't fatal". 80% fatal is essentially "only not murder because I missed". Additionally, it looks like Shido and the SIU Director may sometimes send the Cleaner in to "clean up", when a shutdown victim doesn't die first time—for instance, he may have been responsible for that truck that hit Kobayakawa. Not sure about this one yet.

what about the psychotic breakdowns?

Again, a psychotic breakdown seems to make you rampage and do something you secretly want to do, but are usually restrained from by little things like morality and not hurting others. They often seem so targetted (Akechi gives X a psychotic breakdown to make them do useful thing Y) that I think there must be an interrogation element—like he talks to the shadow to see what it wants to do, and maybe has to take time to find one that will serve his purpose. For instance, if he wants a flashy subway accident, he can't CoC a random train driver who it turns out just wants to slam on the brakes and jerk off.

So the breakdowns are described as "accidents and scandals", because sometimes they're devastating, but sometimes someone just loses their mind and does something weird. Or they start swinging a knife around on a train.

And here we need to get into intent. Akechi doesn't have a death note, after all. He can't just write down "this guy smashes his train through several stations at top speed, eventually derails it with catastrophic effect, and nobody dies." He sends the driver in knowing the likelihood is that the result will be a lot of dead people.

Because that's what happens. Akechi starts the ball rolling, probably with a rough idea that it will serve the purpose he was assigned, and then he has to let it roll and see where it lands.

This is why almost the first thing that happens in the game is that we get told about a "rampage accident" that is fatal:

(I figured this list really deserved its own post.)

Here's the top item on that list again:

バス暴走死傷事故 basu bousou shishou jiko reckless bus driving accident that caused injuries and deaths

This is a really interesting choice for the top item in the list. It's a case of 暴走運転 bousou unten "reckless driving", sure. But Japanese players are going to get very used to that word bousou, very quickly, in the context of the 精神暴走事件 seishin bousou jiken—the psychotic breakdown cases.

This is an explicit link between the word bousou—Akechi's word that describes his unique signature skill and his effect on others and ultimately his combat style—and a fatal accident. And it's right up at the front of the game, when about all we know about "psychotic breakdowns" is that some girls were talking about them as a spooky occult thing, on the train into Shibuya. Like, they could have chosen almost any of the things on this list to make fatal. But it was this one, and IMO that's important. The subway train derailing may not have been fatal, but the first thing the game wants us to know about psychotic breakdowns is that a. that people are terrified by them, b. that they can be extremely dramatic, and c. that people die from them.

To address your question again, specifically: no, people (probably; see below) don't die just from having a psychotic breakdown. But nobody "just" has a psychotic breakdown. The point is to make them do something—and the thing they do may well be devastating, and cause devastating injuries, up to and including deaths. Or it may just be personally devastating.

but then there are the chats and news stories

There are a lot of in-game rumours about psychotic breakdowns, and a lot of what appears to be misinformation, mainly because the difference between psychotic breakdowns and mental shutdowns is not clear.

One rumour is that breakdowns lead to mental shutdowns: "those people end up going brain dead", "they become haijin during interrogation". Another is that "you suddenly pass out ... [and] die in a lot of pain". Well, rumours are rumours.

But we also hear that "the news is saying the [train] driver couldn't even speak when they tried asking him questions". Of course, we know the news is controlled... but then we have to ask ourself what else they aren't reporting on.

doesn't akechi give himself psychotic breakdowns

The quick answer here is no. You could maybe argue that he does when the only example we had was the engine room, but in the third semester we get his Showtime, when he uses it repeatedly to put himself into a berserker rage. It looks like it gives him a bit of a headache afterwards, or makes him dizzy.

Call of Chaos just doesn't seem to work the same on Akechi (or, for that matter, on the two ordinary shadows he casts it on) as it does on people's shadows, when it goes "up the chain" and controls them in the real world. The immediate thing I'd point out is that Akechi doesn't drool blood (that I've noticed, at least) and his eyes don't roll back in his head (you can see his irises, albeit tiny and extremely crazy). Akechi can still speak, though he doesn't make much sense. He's not entirely out of control (despite being in, seemingly, a blind killing rage, he never attacks Joker in the Showtime—and there's a plot bunny for anyone who wants to pick it up and run with it.)

He is not experiencing exactly what his victims do—though he's experiencing something very similar: a lifting of his "chains", his inhibitions. It really seems like a true psychotic breakdown may be something that lingers with you, that lasts a long time, that probably leaves you in ruins. I'm not sure we ever hear of anyone who had one and was fine afterwards, though I can't swear to this.

#asks #persona 5 #p5 meta #goro akechi #call of chaos

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holdinbacksecrets · 1 year ago

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seventeen: mercy

once again, i’m doing that thing where i don’t assign the blurbs. i enjoy leaving them wide open for interpretation, and idk… i feel like there’s a lot of story going on, and i want to let whoever chooses to read this piece have the freedom to let their minds take over instead of mine choosing for you. happy reading 🖤

comfort, angst, mentioning of parental death, food guilt

♡maybe it’s a little silly. your sister certainly believes it to be, but he’s still wrapped around your heart. and sometimes, you sprinkle reminders throughout your day with an excited kind of guilt that used to accompany you into every ice cream parlor. more sprinkles? good or bad? brownie bites? what would your mom say? you would always look back at her as a child, but that ability is no longer with you- no longer possible in your life as she bleeds from your memories and lingers in plain sight, quietly, through a feeling. a feeling… just like he does. maybe this is the way love will work for you: burn brightly, keep you comforted, and then falter, leaving you to create some kind of warmth on your own until you’ve gained the courage to reach out and tell the man you’re still in love with him

♡parked on a side street in the darkness of a november evening is where you are. his car smells like leather cleaner, cologne, and strawberry juice. your legs are on his lap. your back rests against the passenger door, and you look to him before glancing through the sky window, admiring the stars. you have to leave the city to see them more clearly, but this will always be enough when he’s beside you. there’s some kind of rush that runs through your veins, like a long-lasting wish has come true because the stars finally aligned for you. and now, you sit below them with a thank you in your eyes, hoping your head tilted back and your orbs set on the galaxy above you and far away will mean the sincerity makes it there

♡he knew what this would become. he saw you as a spark, ready to set a flame. you’re terrified to get burned and promised yourself whatever happens will be worth it. it has been, despite your sneaking around and swallowed truths when friends ask what on earth you get up to

♡the windows in your living room bask you in light and warmth. you lay down on the rug and close your eyes, knowing when clouds encounter the sun by the sudden chill, sudden darkness. you sit with your legs crossed and a plate in front of you every day for every meal he isn’t with you. you’ve pushed your dreams out these windows. you’ve let them slip into a current of wind, hoping the act would set yourself free, would make you happier to just be despite all the wanting you can’t outrun because his love isn’t enough to dim the sparkle you crave to be. the sparkle you used to have. the sparkle that’s still fucking easy to find if your audience is familiar. but he missed that time. my god, he still has no idea. the secret is kept, though, and you wish you could unravel it to him. my god, he’d support you. give it a try

♡he took away the fear. he sucked venom from your wound. he changed your life. he brought the peace down for you, from this unreachable place that you tossed it to, thinking it was meant to be hard to find, but he disagrees

♡you set the table. you never do, not when it’s only the two of you, but the holiday season is back and you bought cute dishes and table mats to bring a little chestnuts roasting on an open fire into your apartment. he doesn’t notice when he arrives. he doesn’t join you at the table. his hello is muffled by the missing view of his face as he walks to the bedroom to shower and get changed. he’s going out tonight. he thought he told you. you can still come if you want to

♡stolen serenity is what you used to call this, like you didn’t deserve to feel it and have it and squeeze it tight enough to disappear even though it never does

♡he kisses you in the park. he says he can’t hold it back, hold it in, keep it out of sight, not let it find your mind. there’s a weeping willow just beside you. leaves flutter in the wind, and you’d call it a majestic thing. you don’t realize to him that’s what you are

♡another birthday trickles by. for sixteen hours, you’re too aware of everything. aware of the people missing and the wishes that never came true. aware of the one person who hasn’t yet made it home to you, fully aware that all this frustration and awkwardness will leave as soon as he’s here. happy birthday sounds like heaven when he says it to you. he holds you, and you feel it. he kisses you, and you believe it. with the eight hours that are left, what will you do? of course, it’s all up to you

♡you have no idea how easy it is for him to love you. the time that’s been spent learning you, memorizing you without trying to, and my god does he love the view and the thoughts that settle in your eyes before leaving your lips. because you think everything through before you speak, unless he’s with you. unless your comfortable enough to be unguarded, trusting the sincerity will be felt, trusting the love is so loud and warm and radiating that any mistaken word won’t be sticky, won’t turn the day to a dreary blue

♡it’s impossible to imagine how it used to be. how you’d feel in the morning, waking up in familiar uncertainty. but this relationship stained your life in sweet, mundane luxury, and you’re working on being present, so why look to the past when the gray has become green? when the present is a never-ending october and a cup of tea that never cools, keeps refilling for you

♡he’s looking for something. for answers to unasked question. apparently, you’re intimidating. apparently, you’re quite interesting and laughably easy to love. your roommate can’t watch it any longer and tells you to give him something. unknowns surround you in a lavender haze. she tells you to pull a few out, but take the answers straight to him. he’ll love the gesture. and you, you had no idea that mystery loves you, not when you forget how to breathe when he kisses your forehead, when you feel his chest against your cheek. you thought everything is all over your face in his presence. you would’ve sworn every secret seeps, that you couldn’t be easier to read, but a look in your eyes and the softness of your skin still needs translating

♡time is a strange thing. it only takes a minute to change, but it takes ten to choose your outfit. it only takes five minutes to cook your eggs, but triple the time to eat them with a full mind. it only takes seconds to say i love you but minutes collected over months to say it out loud, despite the list you’ve written of all its silent showings and the way your own are entirely compatible with his

♡you’ve started to notice the bubbling desire existing in him. the way his face scrunches up for only a moment when he wants to touch you but can’t. the way his fingers curl as his hand forms a fist because he wants to hold yours but can’t. the tension on his skin when you brush against him innocently. the part in his lips and the lids covering dark eyes, but only for a moment. anyone else could miss the subtle cues. he’s started to talk about your favorite things—write about them on loose parchment as a way to say he loves you without mentioning the largest four letter word the world has ever known- will ever know

♡memories fill your room. in cute trinkets and museum postcards, the sweetest moments stay with you. the reminders have always been good for you. it probably started because of a movie scene when a beautiful protagonist discovered a memory box. old pictures with crinkled edges. necklaces with broken clasps. seashells and transparent rocks you imagined were incredibly smooth and definitely sparkled under the sun. years ago, you found your own memory box in an antique shop, three states away from your hometown. it was perfect then, and it’s still perfect now. you swear it keeps you together, keeps you going, keeps the brightness in your eyes and a warmth in your chest. there’s one person who’s starting to take it over these days, though. the small things he presents to you can’t end up anywhere else, and you daydream about years from now: afternoons drinking tea on your back porch with this handcrafted box on your lap. a fingertip tracing the grooves before two flick the lock and the softness, the love from your teens, twenties, maybe even your thirties, is all there. you wonder if a ring will be on a significant finger. if a cat named river will cover your feet. if his voice will fill your ear suddenly because hours have passed in an autumn flash and he’s home again. he’s coming outside to love you

♡it’s luxurious familiarity like egyptian cotton: ready to envelop you in obscene comfort, so plush and welcoming to your body, so understanding of the places you need to be supported without having to say anything. how incredibly lucky you are not to speak a single word and yet, your needs are crystal clear. you mold to the places his body is hard and strong. you take off the layers, the pieces of protection that can be left by the door once it’s closed, and you’re back inside the sweet escape, sinking in

♡he waits for you in wide open spaces, beneath a clear moon, in the crisp air. he twists the ring on his pointer finger and wonders if you’re wearing yours. the one you found in a quaint shop two years ago on your birthday, when he took you to another country. he woke up every morning you were away to the sight of you in front of the bay window, with your nose against the glass, with silent wishes of becoming a girl who lived there. he could feel the desire in your steps- in the energy that consumed you, wrapped around your bones for that memorable week. every day, he looks for it, since coming back home. he looks for the utter joy and a blissful smile that makes him love you more. you’ve always been fucking easy to adore. there’s a home in his hands, though. doesn’t he know? sure, that city, a continent away, left you walking on clouds, but it wouldn’t have been the same without him. maybe the parisian sky changed the lightbulb to illuminate the home’s patio brighter, but it didn’t alter the shelter behind the door. that was all him

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mikunology · 1 year ago

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Mikunology Reviews #1: Boku wa Hatsune Miku to Kiss wo Shita (2013) (Pt.1)

Here it is, my very first album review! I figured I would do something I'm pretty familiar with first, so I decided to go with this one: a review of one of my favorite Vocaloid albums of all time, created by my favorite producer! Boku wa Hatsune Miku to Kiss wo Shita (or I Shared a Kiss With Hatsune Miku) by Mikito-P (2013)! This album also happens to be Mikito's first full studio release.

By the way, let me go ahead and state that I am not a musician, so I'm not as good at really phrasing my thoughts on things in a technical manner. But I still hope you enjoy my opinion :> I'm also a big fan, as stated, so I will probably get rambly > <" But let's get started!

Part 2 here

Hatsune Miku to Kiss wo Shita (I Shared a Kiss With Hatsune Miku): The eponymous title track: a soft rock ballad using Miku Dark (pretty sure at least) about a frustrated artist getting through life alongside Hatsune Miku. I won't lie that I'm a bit biased towards this song given its one of my favorites ever, but I like to think there's a reason for why I like it as much as I do. The strong-yet-not-overwhelming rock melody is very nice (especially paired with the piano), but most of all, I love Miku's gentle vocals: Miku Dark naturally sounds sad and tired, but the way she sings here seems almost warm given the subject matter. The lyrics are also very beautiful and relatable if you're a fan of Miku's; the struggle of feeling low confidence and finding comfort in a concept such as Hatsune Miku is written really wonderfully. A really good start to the whole album.

Shinzo Democracy (Heart Democracy): A really good second track, and a pretty popular one from this album? It has a more present melody going through it than in track one, but still with that signature atmosphere from Mikito. Miku sounds like Miku Dark here, too, but with a more airy, echo-y quality that reflects off the guitars - I think it works well for the song. If you want something with a bit higher tempo than track one, this is where it is. I remember people talking about the PV in relation to the lyrics as well, since it can be interpreted as the narrator talking about himself in a sort of disconnected POV or talking about a gay love interest. Whatever floats your boat, I think!

Yuugure Twitter (Evening Twitter): This actually appears to be a slight remaster of the original song posted on NND - it's a bit cleaner, with better and clearer vocals and mixing and a longer guitar outro. I think I like this version of it best, to be honest, it really helps the song sell the sort of forlorn, dusky atmosphere it's setting. I also really like the way Mikito uses Miki - I really feel like his songs with her show his liking for the character. The guitar outro is also just…really good.

Kunoichi Demo Koi ga Shitai! (Even Though I'm a Ninja Girl, I Want to Love!): A MikuRin duet! This song is really goofy: just a fast-paced, lighthearted pop rock track following a kunoichi (a female ninja) and her efforts to be together with a noble's son despite the difficulties her job brings her. It's a really fun track, with a catchy melody and some fun, colorful visuals in the PV (plus Miku and Rin's tanuki/kitsune hoodies are super cute!). I also really like how Miku and Rin are framed like "narrators" instead of being characters in the story itself or being completely removed from it. Lastly, I really like the sort of "vrooooooom" noises Miku and Rin make at certain points, it gets you hyped up XD

Setagaya Night Safari: This one took me a bit to get into, but I can comfortably say I like it a lot nowadays. This one is a bit like track one in that the melody is a bit more…abstract? Than in like, Kunoichi. It also has these strange old-timey jazz segments at the beginning and end. But still! Miku Dark returns here again, and her vocals add a sort of melancholic wonder to the song, especially the chorus ("doko e iku no?"). A pretty good one, but I do think it might take a few listens to really sink in on whether you like it or not.

Tokyo Eki (Tokyo Station): A Rin solo track! I feel like this one isn't talked about very much, despite it getting a PV and everything. This is another atmospheric rock track about taking the train to see someone you love in the winter months. This track uses Rin Append (I'm assuming Sweet specifically) and I think she works really well! Like Miku Dark's vocals in Kiss wo Shita, there's a pleasant feeling of softness from how Rin sounds here, which fits the wintry vibe of the song. However, I still think that the premiere version of the song is the one using Len from ALL VOCALOID ATTACK 1…but whether you agree with me might be up to whether you enjoy Rin or Len's voices more. By the way, I really like the lead guitar and drums on this one.

Yuudachi no Ribbon (Ribbon of Evening Showers): This song comes from MAYU's demo CD! This one is more high-energy than usual, but still with a melancholic air about it. This song is about a pair of girls trying to hide their relationship, while a third girl (heavily implied to have feelings for one of them) threatens to expose them, all under a rainy sky. I really love the melody in this one; it's very catchy but also full of the emotion and drama you'd expect from a song with this sort of premise (helped by MAYU's voice), plus I like the vocal bits interspersed in the instrumental parts. My favorite part is the "issho ni kaero" part in the middle, where the melody changes up a bit before the bridge. Definitely one of my favorites from this album, and a great introduction to MAYU!

Bansoukou (Bandage): This is another one that took me quite a few listens before I liked it; this is one of the slowest tracks in the album, with another more understated melody. This is a ballad song, no real description on the lyrics/theme since it remains untranslated. I like this track way more now because of the slow gentleness of Miku's voice, the piano, and the great guitar melody during the outro, but I also feel it's a bit on the dull side in comparison to the rest of the album. You might like it much more if you enjoy slower rock ballads or shoegaze, though, it has a bit of a keeno-like feel to it. (Funny, since keeno is actually in this album.)

Hikoukai Nisshi (Private Log): Another more fun one! This song uses GUMI Power, and what a great use of GUMI Power it is (plus some giggling sounds courtesy of Yukari's EX Voice). This is a refreshing love song, with the PV setting against a very cute pirate Gumi. I really love the vibe of this track, it's very pleasant and perfectly captures the sunny seafaring adventure Gumi is on - the melody, as usual, is really great as well. My favorite part has to be the final chorus when Gumi's voice hits its apex, her final "susume" is so great and full of emotion! I love this one a lot, it remains one of my favorite Gumi songs.

Alright, Tumblr is telling me there's a character limit for articles on this site, so I guess I'm going to have to break this into two posts. Join me in part two, then, for the second half of the CD!

#vocaloid #album review #hatsune miku #mikitop #mikunology reviews

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bagheerita · 6 months ago

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Catching up on a million tags so here is:

Six Sentence Sunday (Wednesday Remix) / WIP Wednesday

tagged by @chaniis-atlantis @lord-aldhelm and @anonmadsci

So excited I just finished a full chapter draft for the next chapter of "Customary" (my Sam/Todd fic) and the last 6 sentences are way cleaner than the earlier parts of the chapter, so I don't mind sharing them 😂

His eyes glow. “I would like to stay,” he allows. He speaks easily and she recalls when he’d hesitated before voicing any desire. She nods, and steps back into her bedroom. The bed is smaller- this is not a room where she ever intended to have company- but he fits his long body into one half of it easily. When she lies down he slides toward her, pressing his forehead against her shoulder again. Sam hums acknowledgment of his movement and affirmation of his touch, and falls asleep so quickly she remembers nothing more.

No pressure tags: @only-in-december @adriankyte-writes @mx-seraph @ladyofparchments @darklysnarky @the-itzy-bitzy-spider

should you feel so inclined, feel free to interpret my combination of sunday and wednesday games in whatever way you wish

#tag game #my writing

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phoenixcatch7 · 1 year ago

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The daycare attendant is so fascinating, I love talking about their designs. Like, if one were to build a da, taking into account everything we know about them, what would it involve?

I'm going to talk about their history, appearance, details, and potential theories behind their design, with a healthy dose of headcanon. And it's going to be LONG. I'll break it into reblogs to use multiple line breaks, but that requires I post it in unfinished stages, so bear with me.

First things first, what have we most recently learned? I said in another post that it's a theory that the attendant was originally created for the next door theatre before they were moved to the daycare full time. Similarly, we've just had proof of the existence of Eclipse, who's a absolute darling, if not at all up to date on the state of the plex.

Their arms were revealed to glow. In a dimly lit theatre relying on a light/dark gimmick, glowing forearms is both cool and helpful! But we never saw it in sb. Likely it's a conscious choice, given we see it after the plex is already destroyed, so it's not a lost or removed ability! It simply wouldn't have been very useful, with sun being in bright light at all times and moon trying for... A modicum of stealth.

Perhaps it's also a matter of battery, as another theory suggests the da, as the animatronic actively on patrol during the hourly recharge, and the first one you battle in the game, was originally supposed to be the source of the power upgrade that in the finished game is just readily available to freddy without explanation. Unlike all the other upgrades, which you have to defeat each other animatronic for. The increased power would certainly have been useful for both massively extended patrol times and those transformations, which certainly look power intensive! Booting up and switching over such all encompassing and high level programs has to be draining!

In a lot of the plex, but especially in the daycare, you see a lot of cut corners and animatronics not reaching their full potential (thankfully!). A lot seems hastily patched, from monty joining the band after Bonnie seemingly vanishes from the face of the earth, the constantly collapsing sinkhole in the raceway, the giant rubbish stuffed full sewer area like the underneath of a teenagers bed. Music man doubles as a cleaner. Moon works night shift as security (and a tva on the side lol).

In that regard, the da came across to me as very overworked, when I first encountered it. Sun was stressed and under a lot of strain, stretched thin. His barely contained mania is basically his whole character, besides his natural showmanship. He's jumpy, smothering, and basically five seconds away from wrapping Gregory in bubble wrap at any given moment.

What I found interesting was how he seemed tired. He talks about all these activities, but doesn't actually... Do any of them. He basically plonks Gregory down by the nearest distracting object (though it works against him, this obsession with having everything nice and tidy definitely read to me about trying to keep everything in your power when you have limited control) and doesn't let him leave from that spot. He doesn't speak or try and engage Gregory except to drag him back, he doesn't bother using the flying rope despite having the hook in his back. When he loses Gregory he just sits in a corner with his head in his hands. Whether he's playing hide and seek or crying or whatever you interpret it as, it's not exactly energetic. He's grubby and marked - either he or a staff member should be keeping him as sparkly as the other animatronics, and they're not keeping on top of it.

Moon, on contrast, uses the rope. He bounces and flips and jiggles and walks on his hands and pretends to swim. He's got no problem chasing Gregory into the tunnels once enough generators are flipped. He's not afraid to back off, either - he doesn't stop moving, but instead circles like a culture, muttering to himself. He most likely runs on the same battery as sun, but he's not afraid of using it. Not to mention whatever bizarre but super cool galaxy effect he can use on the hour change, possibly all the way across the map!

Eclipse, meanwhile, has a voice significantly less robotic than the other two, uses the rope, and activates those old glowing arms without a thought, despite the fact that sun and moon are slow and staggering by the time of ruin. For goodness sake, moon can't even get a proper grip on a child's arm, and is fended of by even a single torch beam, despite being completely immune to the torch and a game over if he even touched you in sb.

Theatrical expressive design

Eclipse as ring master

Child safety problems

Likely mechanics of mask/clothes

Implications of room

Chance of fazbear splurging on sign language/disabilities accommodation

Liklihood of bring connected to the Internet (not high)

Security desk barrier (they both can touch and climb on it only in cutscene)

Involvement of light levels

Human actors v endos.

Potential programming and maintenance.

#fnaf sb #fnaf sb ruin #fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf sun and moon #fnaf eclipse #fnaf security breach

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iammissingautumn · 4 months ago

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i think when i was younger i always related to this idea of looking at human nature from a subjective perspective and because of my upbringing, often the only way to see the world within a 4th dimension is from angels or god. god looks at the humans and the society and loves them. and i think as humans there’s the ability to look at god who created the humans and watched all that happened in the wake of the growth and such. and then there’s jesus who was born amongst us but “enlightened”, and there’s like the “human” presence of being able to love god, society, your neighbor, your family, yourself.

but for me growing up with like. learning disabilities never had early intervention when it was needed; i felt really disconnected from everyone around me. i felt like i was separate from the world and society, so when i was alone at the playground i would contemplate my worries, my life, but sometimes i would just think of others, or watch my the kids playing from afar and talk to a tree. but on top of this, i was young and transgender, my body didn’t fit how i felt it should but i used it to get my point across and had to struggle with it to feel at home.

growing up i’ve seen depictions of angels. angels who are looking at the people. angels who help fulfill gods plan. angels who comes down with wings in. a cartoon baby bible. but i’ve also seen angels who take bodies like a possession, a person who once lived is now pushed aside for the angel’s soul to take over. on the over hand i’ve seen heaven make vessels. i’ve seen the angels come with their own naturally, but it hurts to be alive. i’ve seen interpretations of angels where everything feels too off as they live, body unable to hold such a power as an angel. Their skin uncomfortable to themselves, it some modern times relevant interpretation of the specific location and its culture and the people there. the angel didn’t sign up for but must embody to engage naturally with the world. i’ve seen angels so servant to heaven and angels they change themselves and their thinking. they change to fit in, to be like the best who stays in line but be better which means be even cleaner. and you’ll get the rewards when you do what’s good.

when i was young and not out, sometimes a bit an egg, and not diagnosed i would read poetry about angels. when i played with kids i played the script. i saw how people suggested and i thought maybe that was the truth, maybe that’s how this whole thing works. and its just what you have to do. the humans say there was princes and princesses and you can do whatever you want in this system. i could be happy. you can be happy. just follow the system. follow the people.

and that art and phrasing always caught me. the ones about that 4th dimension. like angel in love with humans knowing time and worlds are not the same.

after that i found out about Until Dawn and Game Theory introduced me to the multiverse theory so

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flowersofevilvn · 1 year ago

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I'm reading flowers of evil because of you BTW. It's really good! I was never one for poetry because I thought I was just too stupid to understand it, but I feel I have been missing out.

How have you been? Any development or life issues that we can help with? I think your game is really something special. Take care. 💚

I'm so glad to hear that!! I'm a firm believer that art and writing is for everybody and it always makes me happy to hear people are expanding their genres and experiences :) there are lots of resources that provide annotated versions of classical poetry so flowers of evil is actually a great text to look at if you're wanting to break into the romantics a little bit more! Different translators also change the tone of the work significantly, I have 3 separate copies of Flowers of Evil in the printed English format by dofferent translators, some with and some without original french text and annotations, but my favorite of all time is Ruth White's 1969 early electronica album based on the text! your personal experience with the writing is more important than an "objective" truth some people may try to convince you is true of the thing- historical context and literary analysis only go so far. Your enjoyment of a text doesn't have to have anything to do with what is academically accepted. I like flowers of evil the poetry collection mostly because of the visceral descriptions! Other people might enjoy it more because of its peculiar place in its time period, its relevance in the modern goth scene or the classic gothic literary scene, its gorgeous bound editions in book collecting circles, its raunchiness, its holiness, whatever! all that is to say, I don't believe in stupid people, and I belive even less in a stupid way to approach poetry, writing, and art- art is for everyone, and there are lots of ways to feel and interpret an artists work!

I wish I had good news on the development front- I had a week off of work I was hoping to dedicate to working on the game but I mostly either slept or cleaned. Being disabled and working has. Significantly altered my trajectory on the game. I wasn't expecting to have to use my body to work and it's been affecting me pretty brutally. Unfortunately because it's been so long since I started it up I'm wondering if I should gut and reproduce it entirely into something newer and cleaner instead of continuing to roll with a framework I've come to find pretty flawed and hard to work with. I haven't dropped the project by any means but I'm struggling to find the motivation to finish it. In any case! I'm really hoping to have at least a major update by March. fingers crossed, and happy reading to you!

#flowers of evil vn #yandere male #yandere vn #flowers of evil #foevn #visual novel #yandere game

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steddiebang · 1 year ago

Text

Made of Light

Author: @hitlikehammers l Artist: @Becomingfoxes Posting on Tuesday, October 3

Soulmates are anything but de rigueur in polite society—more like foolish nonsense, fairytale child’s play: embarrassments. Inconvenient, at best. But the people who have them, and still seek them out; who believe despite the odds, who still commit to finding them and binding their souls to them despite the naysaying and the backlash? Those people know the truth. Because Soulmates? Don’t force love. Aren’t bound without choice. Are built on pure potential, of proportions never fathomed—and certainly never found—outside those so-called ‘old fashioned’ Bonds. They are the potential to protect love. To save love. To save the lives that kind of ineffable love holds more than just dear; holds as essential. Some people even say they can almost change the whole world, defy the laws of physics and nature, but then—even among the believers: those stories are relegated to legend, at best. And so: this is the story of two boys from Indiana who—dodging dangers and demons and near-death experiences—wound up in a love never seen before, somehow writing out the kind of legend no one ever dared to dream.

Keep reading for a sneak preview!

“Stevie.”

And Steve hums, and turns his face to kiss Eddie’s palm, to ground him because he knows Eddie’s distress, just like he knows Eddie’s bone-shaking affection, the warp and weft of his genuinely soul-deep devotion, made and chosen and given all on his own.

However long he’s already known it to be as much, he’s committed to it skin-to-bone and deeper, now. Which is why he…he can’t stop from saying what comes next. Whatever good it probably won’t, can’t, even fucking do:

“Don’t be a hero down there,” Eddie whispers, because that’s part of the fear; that his choice will be right, is so fucking right but his making or his giving will be lacking, his reaching or his saving will be useless and he’ll lose the man he loves; he’ll lose and he won’t be able to survive it.

Because for all the shit he’s survived thus far? That’ll be the thing that does him in.

“Don’t be a hero, today,” Eddie breathes and it’s shaky. Fuck, his pulse is shaky, heart trembling in its cage.

“You mean, like for real, or,” and Eddie knows how Steve’s going to spin this, because he knows Steve, because his brow is quirked and Eddie’s not sure Steve will ever get over the thing that’s about to leave his mouth but Steve’s voice is gentle, soft and honey-warm and his touch is the way you know the world is real, so it’s more an actual question, more a roundabout reminder to self-reflect on Eddie’s own ask when Steve finishes:

“Or is it more like how you interpreted that exact same set of instructions?”

Eddie whines, because he can’t help it. The scars aren’t aching this morning, they never have as much as anyone had expected, had healed quicker and cleaner than any measure would have guessed but Eddie’d never questioned the one stroke of luck he might have gotten that wasn’t a family of misfits and a love he’d never dreamed of—so maybe it’s just not a day for the scar tissue to start pulling weird and anxious, angry.

Or maybe it’s just because the fear in him’s too big for…literally anything else.

“Steve…” he leans in, and Steve’s hands try to keep holding him but Eddie’s burrowing into Steve’s neck, and Steve shifts to hold him close just there as Eddie whimpers, pleads, doesn’t shy from either as it all rips through deep from his chest:

“I can’t lose you,” Eddie whispers but it’s firm, it’s unshakable, because it’s simple like the cells that contract all on their own inside the fibers of his heart are simple, but miraculous, and almost inexplicable except without them there’d be nothing. “I cannot fucking lose you, I can’t—“

“I know,” and the thing is, when Eddie meets Steve’s eyes, he’s certain Steve does. Know. He’s absolutely fucking certain that Steve knows, not just how true and vital and deep it is. “I know.”

He knows—Eddie hears the unspoken underpinning clear as day—because he feels the same way, and the trembling-terrified wretch-of-a-pump in Eddie’s chest still fucking soars to hear it. To feel it.

To know.

“Don’t leave me,” Eddie adds, begs, just in case. Like a backup. Insurance for this absolute necessity he has just to have.

“Never,” Steve promises when there’s no way to promise, except he doesn’t hesitate. And his eyes don’t even hold the slightest hint of a doubt. Impossible.

But true.