#or was it something else i cant really remember now
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like cherries in the spring
pairing: aaron hotchner/fem!bau!reader rating: explicit w.c.: 4k bc i cant stop myself
content warnings: 18+ PLEASE MDNI, porn without plot, consensual somnophilia (mentions of discussing it beforehand), intercrural sex sorta, thigh fucking sorta idk what to call it but thats close enough, brief v fingering, eventual p in v, light dom/sub undertones because thats who i am, light bondage (being held down), light choking (just a hand on your throat), unprotected sex, no y/n, established relationship, employee/boss relationship duh, self indulgent <3
summary:
You were barely conscious when you felt something poking your butt.
read on ao3 here or below <3333
You were barely conscious when you felt something poking your butt.
You try to blink awake, immediately blinded by the sunlight filtering in through the blinds. For a second, you think youâre still in Los Angeles with the California heat making your clothes stick to your back, working on a kidnapping case, which means you need to get up and get ready fast.
However, someone stirs behind you, and you realize youâre not in California. Youâre home, in your bed, and being spooned by Aaron.
You try not to sigh in relief so as not to disturb him. He needs the rest, obviously, based on the fact that Aaron tends to get up like clockwork at 8 in the morning, even on his days off. You crane your neck to check the clock on your bedside table. Nearly 9:30 in the morning.
Youâre almost tempted to wake him up, knowing that Aaron will be secretly annoyed and feeling like he slept the day away, but then you remember how late it was when you got in last night. The team just got done with a case in a Los Angeles suburb and decided to fly back home despite how late it was, which meant that it was really late when you finally made it back home. You distantly remember leaning on Aaronâs shoulder, trying not to fall asleep standing up, and him grunting for everyone to take the following day off and hearing everyone let out a tired cheer. You werenât able to sleep on the jet, envious at everyone elseâs ability to take a nap as soon as they closed their eyes, and kept Aaron company while he finished his notes.
You remember sitting across from him, the glow of the reading light shining on him with his head ducked over his files. He was clearly exhausted just like everyone else, evident by the bags underneath his eyes and the way he attempted to hide his yawn every couple of minutes, but you know that he always makes an effort to try and finish the paperwork the same day while the case was still fresh on his mind.
You had a book open in front of you, long forgotten, as you rested your chin in your palm and stared at your boyfriend.
He glances up at you every now and then and shakes his head to himself, smile on his face, when you make no move to stop staring almost dreamily. Itâs not your fault heâs so handsome, even when heâs running on 4 hours of sleep.
âRidiculous,â he had muttered, feigning annoyance, however you felt him knock his feet against yours underneath the table. Something warm settles in your chest at that.
You remember stumbling into Aaronâs apartment, through the living room, and falling face first into the bed. You hadnât even bothered to change into your pajamas, but you were just too tired to care, evident by passing out as soon as your face hit the pillow.
It didnât matter now, however, as you felt Aaronâs body pressed up against yours, so warm it was nearing unbearable. You felt his soft exhales against the nape of your neck, sending shivers down your spine, and the beginning line of his morning wood poking your ass. You felt the soft comforter brush against your bare legs and realize that Aaron must have changed you in your sleep, leaving you in your panties and a tank top.
You swallowed, suddenly feeling utter want tugging at the bottom of your stomach. It had been a couple of days since you guys had done anything, even with the shared hotel room. Working on a kidnapping case in a shitty hotel with thin walls didnât really set the mood, no matter what anyone said. Sure, you and Aaron were able to sneak in some heated kisses and touches, but never more than that before both of you were falling asleep with case files and medical reports at the foot of the bed.
You carefully pushed your hips back against him, feeling his cock twitch against you. Aaron shifted, throwing his arm over your waist, however his breathing was still deep and heavy. He was usually a light sleeper, a result of the job, so him not waking up from that must mean he was more tired than he let on.
Youâre still groggy, but an idea slowly forms in your head. Of course, you two didnât get the chance to discuss this last night, but you distantly remember a conversation several weeks ago where you told Aaron you wouldnât mind too much if he woke you up by touching you or going down on you and whether he would be interested in you doing the same to him.
He had given you a look so dark, pupils blown and a smirk slowly forming on his mouth, that you wanted to drop to your knees right there in the kitchen.
Instead, he leaned forward to press a kiss to the side of your head and mutter a âSome other time, dirty girl.â
Now seems like the perfect time.
You move your hips back again, relishing in the way you can feel Aaronâs cock grow bigger, harder. You wiggle and let out a breathy sigh when you feel him migrate to between your ass cheeks. Itâs not enough and definitely not close enough to where you really want him, but it feels good. Dirty, just like Aaron had said.
You move up on the bed a little more, careful not to stir too much, lifting your hips from the bed a bit until his clothed cock was between your thighs and pressed right against your pussy.
You moan at that, clenching your thighs when you feel that familiar throbbing in your cunt, wishing he was already inside of you.
But this feels good too. Two layers of clothes between Aaronâs thick cock and your wet pussy. You start to move your hips against him, breathless at the way the head of his cock barely grazes your clit. You can feel the wet spot undoubtedly forming on your panties, your wetness helping his cock glide against you.
You feel yourself get carried away, chasing the small sparks of pleasure running up your spine just from feeling the girth of his cock against your hole, when you feel Aaronâs arm thatâs draped over you move.
You freeze, though youâre not sure why, itâs not like youâre doing anything wrong, when you feel his hand come up to grope at your breast over your top.
You hear him hum, still breathing warm air against your neck, and feel him somehow press closer against you. You wait for him to say something, either teasing you for being so horny and rubbing up against him or wordlessly tugging his briefs down to press his cock against where you need him, but thereâs nothing.
Heâs still asleep.
You exhale in relief, ignoring the nagging thought in your brain saying why are you into this, you freak, but then Aaronâs hand on your breast starts moving, just barely groping.
Youâve known that Aaron has always been a touchy guy behind closed doors, always hungry and wanting to be close to you wherever he got a chance. Heâs said itâs because he loves your body and not being able to touch you at work drives him crazy, and you can tell heâs telling the truth from the way his jaw clenches when you lean over his desk to hand him a file or the look he gives you when you cross your legs sitting across from him on the jet and your skirt rides up.
At home, you let him have your fill. Heâs constantly groping your tits, pinching at your nipples. Heâs grabbing a handful of your ass, squeezing, and grabbing your hips so hard he leaves bruises. He has a hand on the back of your neck and pushing your face into the mattress or wrapping his large hand at the base of your throat, putting light pressure as if a reminder of who you belong to. He loves touching you and you clearly donât mind, however youâre seriously wondering how obsessed he is with your body if he can touch and grope you in his sleep.
He's squeezing your breast and canting his own hips against you. You feel his cock twitch again and the wet spot he must be leaving through his briefs drags against you and your thigh. You bite your lip at that, unsure whether Aaron was about to wake up or not.
You feel his hand move from your breast to your abdomen, fingers just barely brushing over your nipple, making you almost jump, and wrap his arm around your middle. You hear him grunt, something masculine and deep that makes you want to lose your mind, and feel him thrust into you, rutting into you like he canât control himself.
You whimper at the feeling of being constricted, imagining Aaronâs veins popping out of his forearms. Not caring whether heâll wake up, you reach down to pull at his briefs just enough so his cock pops free. You sigh at the feeling of hot flesh against your thigh and your mouth waters when you feel precum leaking down the head of his cock, smearing on your panties and thighs.
You wait and strain your ears to listen to Aaronâs breathing. Somehow, itâs still steady.
Youâre starting to get impatient, just about to throw this all away and wake him up to sink down on him, but then you feel his bare cock press against your hole through your panties and it just feels so good. You know that if Aaron wakes up, heâs going to want to fuck you fast and hard and honestly, youâre having a lot of fun teasing yourself.
He stops humping into you, the arm around your middle relaxing, and he grumbles a bit and presses his face against the nape of your neck. His breath tickles you.
You start moving your own hips again, just barely, enough to feel the slow drag of his cock against your clit through your panties. They must be absolutely soaked through right now and you desperately wish you could just take them off without waking Aaron up and press the head of him into you, stretching you out. A sweat starts to break out on your back and on your neck and Aaronâs body heat, naturally running warmer than you, isnât helping but you donât care.
You hear a sharp inhale, a particular deep thrust against your pussy, and then a âWhat do you think youâre doing?â
You freeze, feeling like you got caught with your hand in the cookie jar and not like you were humping desperately against your boyfriend like a teenager. âUhm.â
His left arm moves up from where he was still wrapped around you, brushing purposefully against your nipples and making you whine, to wrap his hand around the base of your throat. He doesnât put any pressure, but just the weight of his hand is enough to make your eyes roll into the back of your head.
âI said,â he whispers, exhaling against your ear. He thrusts his hips once against you, making his cock slide against you better in a way you could never replicate. âWhat are you doing?â
You swallow, unsure on how you want to play this. The low deep rasp of his voice this early in the morning always sends you reeling. âNothing.â
Aaron hums and the grip he has on you tightens just a bit before heâs trailing down your chest. This time, he flicks your left nipple, making you jump and bite your lip at the same time, and moving down past your stomach and to your pussy. âThis doesnât feel like nothing, honey.â
His hand traces the waistband of your panties and the curve of your hips. The callouses on his fingers are rough, but familiar, making you squirm against him. Aaron hisses at that and itâs like he finally snaps as he reaches between your legs and roughly pulls your panties to the side to thrust his cock against your bare cunt, hips slamming into yours.
âIn fact, it feels like youâre being a dirty girl, rubbing up on me like you canât help yourself.â
Your gasp morphs into a moan when you feel the head of his cock finally brushing your swollen clit, no clothes in the way. Now you can feel how sopping wet you are, making the glide of his throbbing cock against your pussy smooth and perfect. This whole thing feels dirty, like youâre trying to take what you can get before you can get caught even though thereâs no one else home with Jack being at a sleepover. The thrusting of his hips against yours to rub against your wet folds just makes you think about him fucking you into the mattress until youâre a whining mess. âAaronâŚâ
 âWhat do you want, baby?â Aaron murmurs, starting to press soft kisses behind your ear. Hearing his early morning voice again makes your insides turn into a puddle. The warmth of his body and his cologne from yesterday still barely detectable is intoxicating, making you spread your legs a little so his cock nestles deeper against your wetness. You start to move your own hips to meet his and the lewd sound of your pussy and his hips slamming into yours is so so hot.
âPleaseâŚâ you whine, the words dying in your throat because your head is swimming, and you donât know exactly what to say. You secretly hope he knows what you wantâwhat you need.
Aaron suddenly gets up to sit on his knees and moves you with a hand on your hip so youâre laying flat on your front, face pressed into your pillow. You nearly cry at the loss of pressure against your clit, but he quickly puts a hand on the back of your head to shove your face into the pillow. He straddles your thighs, roughly moves your panties aside again to insert a thick finger inside of you.
You moan wantonly at the feeling of finally being filled, the sound muffled against the pillow. His finger goes in easily due to how wet you were, but the feeling of being stretched even just a little bit make you feel drunk.
âIs this what you want, pretty girl?â He moves his finger in and out of you fast, almost rough, but itâs still something and it can still make you come if you try really hard since youâve been playing with yourself for what feels like hours.
You already start to feel the beginning pressure at the pit of your stomach, clenching and unclenching around just one finger. Your clit is barely getting anything out rubbing against the sheets, but you donât even care, having been on edge for days. âYes, yesâAaronâŚâ
Aaron hums casually from behind you, as if you guys were talking about the weather. âAre you going to come for me?â
You nod furiously into the pillow, moving your face to the side so you can breathe more easily. âYes, yes, pleaseââ
Suddenly he takes his finger out of you with a loud and vulgar noise, nearly making you scream in frustration. Youâre about to yell at him, maybe even turn around and smack him on the shoulder, until you feel the head of his cock press up against your hole and then pressing in.
âOhâŚ,â you moan, nearly sighing in the familiar feeling of being properly filled. Thereâs a slight burn from that stretch you secretly love. The hand he had pressed against the back of your head migrates to the back of your neck, grabbing a hold of you so possessively it makes you squirm.
Aaron leans over you until his face is next to yours, his soft moans like music to your ears as he bottoms out. âFuck, baby, youâre still so tightâŚâ
You try to crane your neck to look at him, desperate to see his face. He has his eyes closed, brows furrowed in concentration, most likely trying to resist immediately fucking into you. His hair is almost artfully mussed, fluffy and falling into his face. Yesterdayâs stress is gone and instead is replaced with absolute desire. His other arm is pressing into the mattress so he can hold himself over you and you nearly start to drool at his bicep bulging out, the veins in his thick forearms prominent.
And as if he can feel your eyes on him, his eyes open. Theyâre dark and piercing, pupils nearly blown out. Thereâs a hint of that damn smugness in the corner of his mouth, but it smooths out into something softer around the edges when he leans in to press a closed-mouthed kiss against yours. He knows how much you hate morning breath.
The tender action makes something clench in your chest and you wonder again how you got so lucky.
All sweet thoughts fly out the window when Aaron pulls out slowly until just the head of his cock is in you. You moan at the sudden loss and squirm, knowing how much he likes seeing your hips move.
Just like you predicted, he growls and slams back into you, pressing his hips against the flesh of your ass. âSo needy.â
âAaron, pleaseâŚâ you beg, moving your arms from underneath you to behind you in an attempt to touch him, feel him, something.
Because Aaron is Aaron and somehow can read your mind, you feel him grab both of your wrists together in one hand to press against your back. You have no leverage now and can breathe a little easier now that heâs not pressing down on your neck, instead his other hand gripping onto your hip.
âDonât worry, Iâll give what my dirty girl needs,â Aaron coos, almost mockingly in the way that makes heart stutter, and then he starts fucking you so hard the breath gets knocked out of you.
Heâs relentless, no more teasing and rubbing up against his cock. The grip of his fingers on your hip and wrists are tight, hopefully enough to leave bruises, as he essentially pulls you on and off his cock. He fills you out so good, hitting that spot inside of your pussy that sends sparks up your spine, making you feel like your brain is short circuiting. Itâs like you canât even think anymore, which is a normal occurrence when Aaron fucks you like this, and all you can hear is the wet sounds of your pussy, his hips slamming against yours, and moans that heâs not bothering to hide anymore.
You distantly can hear yourself begging to come, nearly screaming yourself hoarse. Youâre sensitive, nearly overstimulated with the way Aaron is pounding into you, and you just want to come already. The sheets are wrapped around your thighs, barely rubbing against your clit, and itâs not enough and you arch your back the way he likes, move your hips in an effort to tell him to touch you. âFuck, oh my God, Aaron.â
âYou need me to touch you, baby?â Aaron says, breathlessly, and you know heâs close too, probably holding off until you come first because you know thatâs something he likes.
He must be just as impatient as you are because heâs immediately releasing his hold on your wrists to wriggle a hand underneath you and rub your clit in a way that was delicious but almost rough, almost painful enough that it sends you over the edge.
You choke on your moan as you feel your pussy clench on his hard cock, squeezing your thighs together. Your hands find purchase clawing at the sheets underneath you, wrists tingling from where he held onto you. Your mind blanks out, empty besides the sheer bliss wracking your body. Aaron keeps fucking you, keeps flicking your clit, groaning your name and it just adds to your orgasm, nearly making you roll your eyes back into your head.
You feel him fuck you faster, harder, and you had just begun floating down from your orgasm when Aaron comes inside you with a deep and guttural moan. Youâve always loved hearing the noises he makes; how manly he sounds, how deep his voice can get, and the way he whispers your name like a prayer. The noise he makes when he comes, however, is definitely in your top 3.
âFuck, you take my cock so well,â Aaron grunts, thrusting into you one last time. The hold he has on your hip is nearly painful, definitely bruising. You moan unabashedly at that and the feeling of his warm come inside of you, filling you up. You clench down on him one last time, milking him for all heâs worth, and you hear Aaronâs choked laugh behind you.
He slips out of you, and you feel his eyes on your pussy; probably swollen and absolutely a soaking mess with your wetness smeared all over your inner thighs. He hums, finally satisfied, at the sight of his come dripping out of your cunt, dripping down your slit and onto the sheets. You feel his thumb come and trace your hole, gentle, but making you squirm nonetheless at how sensitive you are and sending a shock through you. His hand is on your hip again, squeezing in a warning, silently telling you to take it.
And you do, keening softly when you feel the rough pad on his thumb brush your clit, smearing his come around. You always had an inkling that Aaron was dirty, with his domineering voice and the way he so easily takes control of a room when he walks in, but you were in for a rude awakening when you both finally stopped dancing around each other.
You hear Aaron inhale sharply when you clench and unclench, probably pushing more wetness out onto the sheets, and you almost brace yourself for his cock to press against your hole again when you feel the bed dip and Aaron getting up to the bathroom to help clean you up. Youâre only slightly disappointed, but then remember itâs not even noon and you got the rest of the day left. You bring your arms to cross and rest your head on them while you wait, smiling to yourself as the languid relaxation seeps into your bones the way only getting fucked out of your mind does.
Aaron is tender and gentle while he cleans you up. Underneath all the stoic and cold demeanor, Aaron has always been a huge softie and loves taking care of you, no matter the occurrence. You feel that care when thereâs large hands and a towel, warm on your thighs, your hips, your ass as he presses his lips to the bottom of your spine. You feel the barely there scratch of his stubble and hum.
When heâs done, he crawls up the mattress to his spot and settles down with a huff. He immediately is wrapping around you, flinging his arm and leg over you to pull you in closer as you laugh. Your face is pressed against his chest, flushed pink, and you impulsively press a kiss there against the wiry hair. You feel him kiss the top of your head, no doubt smiling because he secretly loves the attention you give him.
âYou okay?â Aaron asks, so soft in a way that makes you want to wiggle further into him.
Instead, you push back a bit to look up at him where heâs already watching you, eyes affectionate. Your legs are tangled with his, hips pressed against each otherâs despite knowing how sweaty he is. His mouth, usually in that straight line, has softened, and the sight of his bedhead and relaxed brow makes you want to spend the next week touching him all over. His cock pressed against your thigh, half-hard, tells you that may be possible.
âPerfect,â you say, and then you push at his shoulder until he flops on his back, gazing up at you almost reverently as you climb on top of him to straddle his hips.
One of his hands wander up your thighs until he settles on your hip. His hair falls into his face, his eyes still drowsy but the hunger plain as day. He brings his other arm to rest above his head, against the pillows, in a clear show of his muscles that makes your mouth water. He looks devastatingly handsome and just so hot, itâs really not fair.
âGood morning,â he says, casually, as if youâre not quietly losing your mind.
You give him a devilish grin and push your hips back until you can feel the head of his cock against you, already hard and leaking precum against your ass. Satisfaction curls up your spine when his small smile falters and his jaw clenches. You lean down, knowing that he loves the feeling of your breasts pushing against his chest and nipples dragging, until youâre hanging your lips right above his.
âA very good morning, it is.â
#i hope yall enjoy pls let me know what you think <3#my horniness for aaron strikes again#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner fanfiction#aaron hotchner x you#aaron hotchner imagine#aaron hotchner fic#criminal minds#criminal minds fic#aaron hotchner#my fic#aaron hotchner fanfic#aaron hotchner smut
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i lied i changed the tag immediately. anywayyy maybe ill just start typing and see if inspo comes to me. i think itd be kind of funny if in this au ei and makoto arent even related, ei is just an actual android body double commissioned for makoto. i cant rmb, inazuma didnt know makoto existed right? did they just not know there was a handover 500 years ago... but yea thats gonna add a little identity crisis to the mix (remembers fontaine) wait... ok we'll get to there when we get there!! inazuma first
i suppose yae is just made for the shrine... everyone else that has like a normal job, just assume theyre made for their normal job ok. ittos is not a normal job tho. UNLESS... genius strat where they make a "gang leader" that is actually harmless and even plays with kids, but is capable of overpowering other gangs, thus. no actual criminal gangs!! we onto smth here. kuki wouldnt be needed tho but since she has that shrine story she can be one of those that had their purpose changed perhaps. how? well either its sentience or someone behind the scenes đ¤ˇââď¸ dont think abt it too deeply
who else... everyone else is kind of self explanatory i think. they just... do their jobs/help people they work alongside. i suppose kokomis different since shes in a position of power, and they have that family line jazz, so its kind of weird for her to be a commercial (celestia) android. maybe we can just assume technology is fairly advanced in this era so theyre not all commercial? people can just make their own. oh yeah this ties back into daydreams' original concept of like... broken down models being fixed up by readers... who knows, maybe people even make imitations. hm. maybe that should be neuvillette since hes an enemy of celestiaOkay i keep jumping to fontaine for some reason
should i keep it to one nation a reblog or just keep going. imma keep going. now how do we fit in rukkhadevatas whole thing... i also dont claim to be very knowledgeable about all the desert stuff (and havent finished the pari questđ) but its probably also not celestia approved so maybe its also a separate faction? wait hold on. the forbidden knowledge can just be. a virus. and some buggy code is left in rukkhadevatas memory so nahida had to delete her loooool okay with how tech they made sumeru this fits really nicely.
im gonna say cynos bad jokes+tcg interest was not scripted at all cuz idk why theyd do that unless some engineer was like wouldnt it be funny. i mean thats also possible ig but like with kuki, sentience is an option... i think this entire au was (partially) inspired when i read smth (an anon on daydream's blog maybe?) about alhaitham and nahida being school guides or something. alhaitham proobably wouldnt be a teacher type i think he just helps them do admin and is fully aware the sages delegate a lot of work to the "scribe" bc they know hes an android. oooh but maybe they keep it quiet and not even everybody knows hes an android so hes like Lol if youre gonna masquerade me as a human you better treat me like one and give me time off and holiday pay etc. yeah thats funny
...i have no idea how to fit in his and kavehs roommate situation. it would be funny if kaveh wasnt an android and just had no idea (bonus angst when he finds out and is like uve been lying to me?!?!) though i did start this thinkihg vision holders would all be androids. WAIT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR THE VISION HUNT DECREE. oh i guess its just "deactivate that mf" huh. no thats weird cuz yoimiya wouldnt be able to be "alive" for the coup... maybe it fr just disables their elemental powers. which could be connected to their ambitions who knows, that could be the original concept.
okay now weve got that squared away, back to sumeru. ill put kaveh on the backburnerWait. what if there was like a. make someone into an android a la nikke bc theyre dying or just because. and he did that but now hes broke bc of the payment for it. okayy maybe.
also im thinkin if usually the ppl in charge commission these droids (i mean that might spoil a lot of the rebellion plotlines) maybe celestia also just randomly releases models that werent commissioned... okay what i wanted to get at was, the sages wouldnt have commed nilou (unless they were more lenient on the arts in the past which is possible i just cant rmb) but if not i guess she can just be a random celestia release. who the fuck made layla
aaaand ive been avoiding the elephant in the room... scaramouche. i do love the idea of each of his forms being different models. ahhh it would be cool if ei actually did make him, not celestia. using her own knowledge and power but shes not perfect and neither is he (ok thats not why she deemed him unsuitable) (omg. it was bc he cried on birth and she was like ah hes too soft (human) HaHaHa that would be really Funny if it reminds her of makoto Lol)
so... kabukimono escapes his holding and tatarasuna happens... damn the whole irminsul-history-wipe thing doesnt really work here. unless, if we are still setting this in the original universe with magic and stuff, just with MORE androids, then i guess irminsul could exist. just that instead of being a corrupting Thing in rukkhadevata, the forbidden knowledge is a corrupting virus. đ
back to scara. there isnt much to change here, he can absolutely still have his human crisis because none of the people he stayed with were vision holders so he never met a fellow android. and hes also different from fellow androids anyway since ei made him! wow! double whammy! anyway dottore
everything is just the same actually. like this doesnt change anything in the plot they still make that fuckass robot. okay is there anything else in sumeru im missing. oh right earlier i was like why would they make layla cuz i was like. they should not encourage sleeping in class. but it could be like, yk, relatable to students, but she still gets work done so yk no excuse (except that shes an android)!! i also know she has some identity issues but i havent done her hangout yet so... gonna leave it there, idk if itll affect this too much. faruzans just a teacher, etc etc, dori could be a plant or just commissioned/made by the black market lol
cyno and sethos' Thing... hmmmmmmm. i guess, instead of kids they just made two androids to be the host for the the soul of h. im trying to remember but all thats coming to mind is hamarhaft which is a weapon in bg3. quick google: hermanubis. yes. oooh so maybe cyno isnt commissioned by the sages at all! yeah okay that makes things make sense!
hmmmmm. collei. she didnt have a vision in the manga, right... perhaps dottores experiment is to "fix" eleazar patients by combining them/putting their brain into an android? yeah that sounds plausible (dottore fans dont gut me cuz i never read too deeply into his experiments)
that should be all outliers in sumeru? onto fontaiWAIT I FORGOT ABOUT KAZUHA. hm. hmmm. yk its possible that the inazuma clans comm their own androids, so like, the kamisatos... (i also think itd be an extra layer to ayakas angst if the public didnt know they were androids.) so maybe the kaedeharas made one on the last of their money lol. his friend is i really dont know he could be anything, all that matters is hes an android (had a vision) and was killed by ei (driving a sword through an android should probably fuck it up. especially if the sword is empowered by elemental magic and ei was part of the original archon lineup).
then he fucks off to explore the world. definitely not a commercial android. haha even though he and scara would be popular choices (not necessarily tgt) but i accidentally made them one of a kind so no you cant really go to the market and buy a scara android. though i suppose that does delve more into "genshin plot is just a story the company made to drive sales" rather than "genshin plot is happening right now".
baaaack to fontaine. oooh boy oh boy. to start, focalors was against celestia from the start, though i dont think itd be too bad to say they made her and she went râwait i forgot, the previous hydro archon passed the title to her. side note what the fuck are oceanids in this au. androids lite. nah maybe they can still be oceanids. so the prev hydro archon (egaria? no its egeria) passed the title of archon to focalors. perhaps she did an ei and made her own droid? how does passing the archon title work with this though... unless archon isnt really assigned the androids, thats just what they called the initial lineup and those that still have that initial model treat them as gods. so egarias the commercial bot that went rogue. or something im looking at her wiki and the history is... um a lot more complicated im not even sure if she was part of the original archon lineup. okay thats not important. whats important is: what the fuck is furina???
furina is supposed to be part fontainian, so part oceanid... magic fuse an oceanid with a droid and bam...! but splits them in two... shit then the droid is the one hiding instead lol. but hey with all their pneuma ousia shit maybe it needs to be a droid converting all that energy! but normal fontainians are not immortal the way furina is/was sooo... idk we're mixing scifi and fantasy magic so theres probably something connecting the two of them to each other, some battery inside them, or maybe furinas like 1/4 droid while focalora is 1/4 oceanid. that could work.
WHAT THE FUCK IS NEUVILLETTE. clearly not made by celestia. lol since they stole the power from the dragons its just an old company that maybe pioneered this tech but celestia stole it!?!? i feel like i should be thinking about khaenriah here. but anyway. neuvillette canonically isnt pure dragon so maybe its like... the creators have lost some of their materials or process due to celestia so they cant make a proper dragon again. so they just make a humanoid also to masquerade under celestias gaze (spoiler: they aint even notice?)
so how does the transfer of power work... focalors kills herself, WHAT THE HELL IS THE WHALE DOING HERE, and gives up her "archon powers"... which, here, can be some kind of magical tech that neuvillette takes. bit more manual work perhaps but we ball
okay. the fatui. the tsaritsa (glances at wiki) isnt even the original cryo archon, but otherwise we dk much. but i think its prooobably fair to assume she makes the fatui. or does nikke shit like dottore was gonna do except like better. and delusions? just. fucked up versions of the elemental magic (visions) other bots have ORRR its just terrible for mortals since its not that bad for visionholders. spews toxic shit idk. REGARDLESS. okay obviously not all the fatui are from snezhnaya... maybe she makes the normal fatui army looool ok ignore ALL of this since we dont really know anything about her, i was just trying to figure out the house of hearth đđđ
so. we have to remember the fontainian oceanid thing. hold on what the fuck then fontainians cant be androids here since theyre full human(ish). hmm. hmmmmm. alright, so, hm. fuck. i dug myself into a hole. OKAY. lets see. what if the fontainians are all actually a kind of oceanid-droid egeria made. its just that focalors has extra archon tech in her from egeria. so all fontainians have like (i was gonna say kill switch which im not sure is better than dissolving to water honestly) a latent ability to become magical (get visions) to make up for... celestia not giving them any because they were like what the fuck, egeria.
i mean its also possible celestia also sent normal androids there you just cant tell. and its not like everyones tested the primordial water, maybe they actually wont be affected (who would even want to risk it lol), you really just cant tell. like we can just say all the playable/important chars we know never touched primordial water (well obviously. cuz theyre. still alive)
pause i just saved this as a draft just in case i accidentally like close the app and i realised i DO have another draft talking about inazuma bots. and it had this crazy idea of the real ayato and ayaka dying so they made bots of them. but the other stuff i wrote there about ei is not as interesting as the one i wrote here tho so scrap that. i did have one interesting line about venti and zhongli not being their original prototype archon model anymore and ei still was because she just makes new models/upgrades. then its funny cuz im like yea rukkhadevata probably figured that out with the irminsul (nahida must be a new model) and fontaine has its own problem so its just. venti and zhongli. old ass men being the originals. WAIT WHAT IF VENTIS APPEARANCR WAS JUST THE NAMELESS BARD AND THEY NIKKEFIED HIM. what is a wind spirit. actual wind spirit or little ai lmao.......
ok so back to um, the HoH. arle only gets her vision after becoming the knave, right, she fights the whoever orphanage mom with her own blood powers first (wtf is that btw i feel like theres no explanation in game but ig it doesnt appear much in game either so its okay...?) maybe just a defective bot or smth... MOVING ON i just wanted to get to the trio siblings...
wow okay i wanted to get to them cuz i like them but now that im here im like... what could i say. theyre the "doing jobs" droids again. cant even say theyre fatui made bc of the fontainian thing and most of them are just normal people. sorry damn. damn i think the rest of the chars are also just "doing jobs" droids. oh well
i havent touched natlan at all so i cant say anything about them đ¤ˇââď¸ JESUS THIS WAS LONG AF WHATS WRONG WITH ME (the undiagnosed autism, my oomfs would say)
SHUT UP OMG i just looked at my drafts again, i had ANOTHER inazuma draft written where id alr come up w the idea of makoto being human. ah well. Wait this doesnt mesh with makoto also considered an archon before ei took over LETS WORRY ABT THAT LATER CUZ that short draft also had an extra concept for the kamisatos which is. parents couldnt conceive so they commed ayato and ayaka without telling the public theyre androids. so its either they start androids or replace humans... im thinking start because theres not really enough time between the familys deaths to make new models of them. unless their deaths were separate and earlier and somehow kept very hushed up... yeah no. they were always androids. WHEW NOW WE'RE DONE. I PROMISE. MAYBE
i simply think it is so fun to imagine a world where a company makes a bunch of androids to assist people and provide companionship so they give the androids stories and release them in certain themes or lines and those androids are the genshin characters. credit to @yandere-daydreams for the idea. i love it so much. yes we all want x character to be our boyfriend or girlfriend and we have sex with them yes but i think its fun to imagine their roles when theyre not being yandere...
also the read more is very long i just went off about my ideas for most of the mondstadt characters. nothing wrong with me
if this is set in teyvats world imagine amber being like a gliding instructor in mondstadt. good engineer too, maybe the first bot that can fix other bots/have intricate knowledge of them (because she made baron bunny).
for human injuries theres barbara and jean, but with different temperaments for different patients. or if we're still set in teyvat, then jean (and the rest of the favonius knights characters) are actually android assistants to the actual human knights. basically the androids replace vision holders??
but yeah kaeya would also be a knight assistant, noelles story is she trains super hard but still isnt a knight (because shes made to help actual trainees!). lisa of course manages the library. yeah sorry thats it. makes tea
and i had the idea (this is all stolen from my own twitter thread from *checks* last year? anyway) that they would tease the release of bots like diluc, rosaria and razor through voicelines from kaeya, barbara and lisa. really like the idea of razor originally being some sort of surveillance android for wolvendom/integrating with them in some way for research and sort of became a guide for people who get lost in wolvendom.
diona and diluc are two different types of bartenders, one is good against people who cant say no to a cute (angry) kitty and the others... are those require some intimidation.
VENTI. god, i think itd be cool if they had prototype models for the seven archons and actual venti bots now definitely play into the "broke bard who plays for alcohol" thing. but of course anyone with eyes knows that his original model was the barbatos android.
oh!! and bennett and fischl being adventurers buddies. bennett is "unlucky" but hes actually like, wired to be hypervigilant and take hits for you while he shrugs it off. and fischl comes with oz if you need some chuuni speech translated, but you can disable that if you want to go full rp with her.
*looks at my thread* oh yeah "Albedo is made for the alchemists in the Knights, and he was meant to be released with Klee, but there was a delay because his ai kept experimenting on its own copies (Flowerfell Albedo?)" ngl i didnt play the albedo event and never bothered to watch a video so i dont know the full extent of his lore here. oh right and i added "sucrose is made to keep an eye on him in the labs" lmao
klee is. i suppose made for the knights. a cute energetic girl to keep morale up, whos fireproof and thus able to scout dangerous areas/bomb them if you so wish.
oh yeah i wrote that the church was not happy about the rosaria bots being made so they relegated her to guarding dragonspine against foolish adventurers. as to why she keeps appearing in bars, well, uh. No comment â Celestia Inc.
the lawrence clan wanted in on this business and sponsored a representative of their family, but mondstadts opinion of them is less than friendly, so the knights compromise and make eula, a lawrence knight.
whew okay for some reason i was able to churn out a lot for mondstadt and then everyone else i was like uh yeah. they exist and do things similar to what they do in game like xiangling being a cook's aide. yep. idk why the mondstadt worldbuilding gripped me so hard like that.
also my last thought is that maybe the hilichurls are just the verryyy alpha version of their bots, the khaenri'ah line (i think daydream mentioned this) and maybe just broke down and went rogue/abandoned. so now they make better bots to fight them and keep people safe. go figure. earns them a ton of cash though. lol imagine if getting them was a lottery too....
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ivy grapefruit. grapefruit ivy
#ive been experimenting with colorssss alotttttttt#im not really sure what to think so. let me know if you like it#trying to figure out how they work better and all#anygays i posted a sketch of this a while ago i think. i liked the pose a lot so i worked on it some more#its cute...... i really like how it ended up#skdnfs though i cant really telll what it looks like rn cuz my eyes hurt mskdfs#andi think there was something else i wanted to say but i cant remember. so ill just go to sleep for now#diary#milk
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hotel manager
#zeno's art#i'm not sure if i should tag the show itself as i'm not a fan but i guess its âfanâart so i will#hazbin hotel#charlie hazbin hotel#vivziepop#i was bored and wanted to draw something#my main goal here was to create a design that looked distinct and could (potentially) be moderately easy to animate#of course based on charlie's character i added as many angel images as possible through the hair and bowtie#(i know white on white is a character design sin but i wanted to show the angel wing detail ;w;)#also to express the personality and juxtaposition of a sweet devil her horns are supposed to curve into a heart shape#of course the garterbelts are upside-down/st peters crosses because of her satanic themes#i also tried to go harder into the goat theme but its still subtle i think#i actually think the goat theme is really interesting because of the story of the sheep and the goats in the bible#but i cant remember if it was actually something intended in her original design#i'm not going to draw anyone else so dont even anticipate that#this was basically a cooldown? ok i think i'm rambling now#goodbye#ok edit to say it clearly: i am not a fan of vivziepop or her work. i just wanted to redesign charlie as a cooldown/exercise for fun#because i used to be a fan of the character before i wised up about what vivzie had and has done#and before i matured and noticed the cracks and fundamental flaws in her works#so yea i dont support her at all and this redesign is critical i guess#also the reason why the tag âvivziepopâ is there in the first place is so that anyone who has that tag silenced can scroll past#without seeing anything related to her work. in case that clears anything up#its the same reason why i tag âlong postâ and âfoodâ and the like
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for anyone wondering, what about Han Sungsoo? đ¤ it seems that he hasn't been the CEO of Pledis since early 2022, the role until now was filled by Lee Dahye, a former VP for Bighit. HSS has still remained in the company but was demoted to an internal director
if you're wondering how you missed this, don't worry, there was never an official announcement! đ carats had to find this out more than a year after the fact by doing some digging
but now Lee Dahye is being replaced by Kim Yeon Soo, who's the original VP of Pledis before they were acquired. He's the one that appeared on SVT Club, and he has historically had a good relationship with Seventeen. the way I always thought of it is Nu'est was HSS's project group, where Kim Yeon Soo oversaw the creation of svt. after the acquisition, he was put in charge of Hybe Labels Japan. it seems now he will remain in that position while also taking over as Pledis CEO
personally, I don't know what to think of this yet. on one hand carats have always had a positive view of Kim Yeon Soo, and he's always seemed to have a close relationship with svt. and I would say I'd rather have him in charge than a hybe plant
but the timing of it is very convenient. this is pure speculation on my part but with Seungkwan's Instagram post recently and all the stuff going on with hybe, it wouldn't surprise me if hybe was bringing in Kim Yeon Soo to try and appease the members (and possibly other Pledis employees). it definitely feels like they're trying to appease /somebody/ with this move, and I can't see it being the fans since most carats didn't know about Lee Dahye being the CEO in the first place. so I can only assume it's people within Pledis they're trying to appease đ¤ˇââď¸
#i didnt post about lee dahye directly when i found out bc i still wasnt totally sure if it was true#even though the evidence seemed to be pointing that way#although im pretty sure i remember posting a vague rant about hybe when i found out lmao#its interesting bc even after the acquisition even though i hated hybe#i felt it was still better for the members to re-sign and stay in pledis#bc where else would they go that would still have the resources to support them? especially when they seemed to be doing okay under hybe#even if i didnt like the company#but now i really do hope they leave#idk where they go or if it means they cant promote for a while or if it means they cant use the svt trademark and branding anymore#but all my worst fears about hybe have been proven true and i wouldn't be upset at all if they just left#which is not something i ever thought id say#like my ideal is that pledis could break from hybe all together but i know thats unrealistic#and its so frustrating bc i know its just a company but pledis has had such a rich and unique history of not only artists#but creative directors producers and other employees#but its been changed almost to the point of unrecognizability now#even nana who was with the company for 15 years left which says a lot#even the people who were loyal to pledis despite everything have started to leave#what does that say??#anyway im home sick today so i had time to rant#might turn rb's off later but ill try leaving them on#melia.txt
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ok so
the instructions were for Wally, not the whrp/qa/You. which is especially interesting, because I think we all assumed they were instructions from Wally - after all, he's the one telling the whrp that they have work to do, he's sending envelopes (assumedly), he's sort of the driving force behind the whole in-universe project. he calls the shots, in a way. he's the one with the phone.
so who the hell is giving Wally instructions?
is it related to the distorted "extra" voice under Wally's in some of his hidden record audios? is it related to Sally's "monster"? is there someone else in Home?
just... there's a whole 'nother layer underneath Wally that i think is really scary. there's something else there, i feel. i Fear. i wonder if Wally is aware of it, or if he isn't quite as aware as we all - including him - like to think. how aware can a puppet be if they can't see their own strings (so to speak)? it's one thing to know what you are, and another entirely to understand what that entails.
#is there a puppetmaster? something or someone lurking underneath the surface?#i know there's not like... a Big Bad if i remember correctly#but im really suspicious that there is something Extra fucking with wally#like i really hope wally is acting of his own accord#but then again - what if its a mix of him acting on his own AND something else pushing him forward#is there something trying to get Out of home?#i think now of the 'im going to get it out' sentence from the about us page#i feel like wally is trying to stay In. i feel like he just wants to revive the show but he wants to Stay#so what the hell is trying get Out. to Leave#that sentence could just be talking about the show / memories of it#but now. im just. im thinking#homebogging#and i cant remember exactly but something about wally closing the guestbook bc it wasnt 'fun' anymore for some reason#i doubt the extra secret Something is home themself#because home seems to be Suffering to an extent from wally's attempts to connect with the 'outside' world#SO WHAT IS IT? HUH#i swear to fuck its connected to sally's so-called monster. the distortion. the spiral/eye pit. something looking through wally#which - no too many thoughts about that to say in tags#AND WHY IS WALLY DOING WHAT WHATEVER IT IS SAYS#is it automatic? like a 'oh. instructions. ill follow them' or does he Know who's talking to him or or or#i feel like an entire layer of the story was just revealed to us in one small simple marvelous update#who the hell is telling wally darling what to do...
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the bs going on in my life is so horrendously terrible im going to (remembers suicide jokes just serve to help make me more suicidal) kill the authoritarial figures that i once truly knew and loved and trusted that i can no longer offer my true love and trust to due to the harm that they have dealt to me and those that surround us, ultimately allowing those that have been affected by their prejudice and oppression to be free even at the cost of willingly trapping myself in a death timer.
#i couldnt remember how the original joke went word-for-word so heres a shitty paraphrasing of it#ultrakill#yeah this is about gabriel#mel/tav/fugo/marcy rambles#suicide tw#long tags#vent#its also (in a joking way) about how shit my life is atm#i might be physically seperated from my mother but she still demands i stay in contact with her and i just. i cant do that#i hate her. i really hate her.#and i feel like if im going to really get anywhere in life i need to drop out of college and get *Away* from her#because she's too much of a controlling force in my life and she refuses completely to relinquish any of that control#so that i might have any of my own independence#i feel like i need to do something drastic and sudden if i want to live the way ive been longing to for so long now.#which. in my case. id be moving in with one of my online friends across the country#taking as much as i can with me and heading over#ik that might sound bad but ive known them since i was literately 12 and they were like 15 when i met them and i dont trust anyone else#as much as i trust them#and they could wait for me but i Can Not Fucking Wait. i need to get out of here#im sick of waiting for year upon year to get out of this hellhole and get away from my parents#only for me to be unable to really do that.#i just need to break the connection in its entirety.#god. ugh. sisyphus and mirage and gabriel ultrakill please grant me the strength to do this.
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reminder.
#hi i couldnt think of an awesome caption for all of this so um ill talk in the tags about my thought process#silhouette is forgetting herself. and she knows this. they reflect on this often. this time literally in a mirror. and their face...#its blurry. its obscured. they can see their own tired expression... but can they really see their face?#and the flames. once again burning away at their memories. sil can watch herself forget in real time if she wanted. she's so tired.#she could burn away everything if she wanted. they could keep burning until there's nothing left at all. and that self destructive tendency#is tempting. god it is so tempting to say fuck it and give up. but no they cant. they have a job to do. they usually remind themself to kee#going in the mirror. even when the reflection doesnt always look familiar. but now theres also something else. a new glimmer of hope in#silhouette's otherwise bleak life. a girl. she doesnt know if they can have that happy ending. but she will do anything to keep her safe.#and for now that is enough. sil doesnt know if she will remember her own face or her own name but my fucking god she will not forget lucy's#anyway hi im normal about my ocs đ teehee#my art#doodle#digital art#colored sketch#oc tag#silhouette#lucille
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scrolling back through my liveblogging of the day of the nyc concert because of recent notifications and its such a fun mixed bag of emotions to relive it all again
#helloooooo pineapple in my notes i do not mind the likes and reblogs <3#but it was such a crazy day that day of the show. so much happened#i also didn't remember that the day before the concert is when my bus got messed up and was taking me back to ny#and i had to get a car service home and everything#and then there was the concert the next day!#and what i had done was worked monday. took all of tuesday off for the concert. got like maybe 4 hour of sleep if that#and then went back to work wednesday. stupid#it worked out fine lol but i dont think id do it that way again idk#other remembrances of the day:#my biggest regret is getting all worked up abt my stupid letter that never got to them anyway like jeez. obviously i still enjoyed the show#but still. OH and i missed out on getting the latte pinback buttons#not the biggest deal but i did want those. i was just awkwardly standing around before the nyc show#and the merch line was always super long anyway#what else. oh i wish i could have met those of you that were there. but next time! im cooler now so next time.#the show itself was crazyyyy. again so fun and surreal#one of the tags on my original review was something along the lines of me having not been this excited since i was a kid#and it was really like that. like it really was that absolute pure overjoyed excitement that i haven't felt for a long time#i felt the same at the hollywood bowl. just having so much fun (missing it now lol đĽ˛)#cant remember if i mentioned this before but when i was standing outside the stage door i saw both spike lee and adam driver leave backstage#adam driver is Tall. i didnt even recognize him at first fdhgkgkg#anyway. some thoughts almost a year later wow!
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i had a dream and Ren was there so i came back here what happened with the notifs hiiii
#my mind has gone crazy since i haven't drawn him for a long time iwill pass away if this keeps going hte punishment is not working#i have to do my stupid ass thesis and i dont want to i hate doing personal projects for college it ruins everything#andn my face is going to be beside it literally the worst and i have to talk to an audience i will literally cry and forget everything#in the dream he didn't do anything remarkable. it was like an open world rpg#but i remember he had blue hair sometimes idk why. and we were using normal looking armor like level 1 armor leather boring#i said nothing remarkable because i didn't speak to him we were in different groups and they explored somewhere else i saw him for 14 seco#then i had to do puzzles and normal dream stuff for some reason i would use 4 weapons in the same battle i was stressed as shit#i was paired with just one person now that i remember but i don't know who it was i think i was trying to protect them or something#because they didn't do anything in battle#man i cant take this anymore i have to draw i have to draw i have to draw#and i couldn't use the feelings of the new update to draw because i was really stressed about college and AUGHII WANT TO DRAW;;;;#silly squeaking time
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the way i play with Izzyverse is with every Izzy forming from a branching timeline- that they were all the same at some point, only one thing sent them off on the path to be "someones". some are obvious; Sam, Ed, Jack & Hornigold branch from the mutiny- a split second decision on who to go with, a miss timed hit leaving him in Hornigolds grasp- but the others are less so. how would he become Jackie's, or Ned's, or Anne and Mary's? what happens to make an Izzy Stede's? how do they even meet?
#for me; a stedes izzy has to form Early#before any relationships to ed or sam or anyone suited to his 'hard' life#because i think once hes caught in their orbit its pretty much game over. earth and moon#i dont think stede would stand a chance#i think. theyre kids. izzys been sailing for a few months. hes becoming a hardened pirate. but hes still really only 14/15#and theyre in port one day. and he runs into this 9/10 year old kid. its stede#hes lost; he was running from some bullies but now hes turned around and the suns going down#hes this scared little rich kid in a rough part of town and thats where izzy comes across him; hiding in an alley#behind some crates. now izzys not exactly tender of heart but he does have a particular soft spot for children#he remembers being that child. cowering behind crates. running for safety. maybe its not the same but he cant help but feel this kinship#with stede. so rather than walking by; he speaks to this child#where it goes from there? who knows. i dont think izzy would let baby stede run away to be a pirate#(even if he wants to) but maybe they figure out something else#something happens that drags izzy into his orbit. that makes him be owned by him#nyxtalks#ofmd#izzyverse#(i think it probably works better pre hornigold izzy but. in my set up thats the first time he sees the sea so. fuck me i guess)#made my own bed n all#ill probably rewrite up this tag bit. at some point#sorry this was on the mind#probably not interesting to anyone but meeeee
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sometimes I think about writing and singing music not because Iâm an incredible singer but because no one has my fucking voice, especially in popular music, and its disheartening to be born a girl, told youâll only get girl roles or try to voice match other girls, or âsing with the girlsâ and then only be able to match male voices because youâre a fuckin tenor and not anything higher. I canât think of any girl Broadway roles I can hit all the notes on. Most songs I love I have to pitch down for myself or use falsetto for singing along to. It bothers me a lot less now because Iâm an adult whoâs more secure in myself but as a teen in kids musical theatre it FUCKED with me, BAD style. And I know for a fact that even now when I hear people with a voice like mine singing I get excited and immediately invested in their work because theyâre like ME, finally, for once. A brother in this world of being afab and having the voice of a recently pubescent boy forever. Maybe I should be that brother too.
#Using randomly gendered words because thatâs me now but hey#Regardless of if you were born afab and are a girl 100% or if you were born afab and are someone else#It STILL sucks to always be grouped along with âgirlsâ just because of your voice and realize#You CANT hit that. You canât hit the mark for âgirlâ. Youâll never achieve that without like. Hrt#Just say THE VOCAL CLASS. Like. Sopranos sing with this. Tenors with this. Bass with this. Etc#Then it doesnât hurt! But nooo instead theyâre looking or âsing with the other girlsâ and you fucking canât#And it gives you a crisis at age 14#Anyway all I know is when other people who were assigned female at birth and arenât on something they changes ones voice#and just happen to have born with the same deep ass voice as me. It makes me proud to hear them use it#Because not enough people do. Itâs like weâre all collectively embarrassed or something#I see so many sad posts from teenagers posting their dream roles and the reason they wonât get it is âgirlâ#and itâs like. I remember being that kid. Never able to get a female lead because of my voice. Never able to get a male lead because of gir#Even though my voice and appearance could easily swing male. Nope! Youâre GIRL. So youâre doomed to background forever :)#I got 1 lead role and it was when I was at my most feminine and was also for a villain that was a fat hag#I LOOOOVED playing her im aunt sponge forever. BUT. Never getting one again after that⌠showed me. Something#More gender blind casting and more songs just written for tenors please#doing just ONE of those things would probably solve the issue#But both please because Iâm greedy and I want what I couldnât have for every kid today#(And also me in the future in adult community theatre. Havenât had time/too intimidated so far but I WILL go back)#And before anyone questions the language on this post. I STRUGGLED with how to word it#TERFs begone. I love trans people. I am nonbinary and some form of intersex (pcos).#I just word it this way because of like. Where we all start#Whether we stay GIRL girls or realize weâre somewhere in between. It crushes us either way to have the âwrongâ voice to do anything#Because it did me at first. And Iâm otherwise GLAD to be confusing#Iâve come to love my deep voice it baffles others and they never know what to call me it really helps the whole âwhat am Iâ presentation#But. In terms of certain things. Like being in theatre in the deep south#It certainly does not help and can be disheartening#Especially back when I was younger and more self conscious#lionâs lair
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im gonna go off on one in the tags pls enjoy
#ive been going by jay online since i was 13 irl since i was 15/16 and my mum cant get used to it#me my friend and both our mums hung out last week and i heard my mum telling his mum 'i just cant get used to [their] name. they want to be#called /jay/ but i just cant do it' literally everyone else including my brother and my dad uses my chosen name#apart from when theyre around my mother! because her force of disgust is definitely more important than my agency and want to be called by#my own name... i have been thinking about wanting to be called another name like. interchangably with my name#and i think id go with yasha. its the diminutive of jay so like. if we friends i want to be yasha x#but also realising how much i want to have autonomy over my name came from picking a name in 2021 for practise in chinese#and my friend helping me decide between something that sounds similar (ćć¤ cos the first character kinda sounds like my eng surname) and a#more literal translation where i was like the translation of jay is ćžé¸Ś i could use that haha and she went but the 鸌 character is awful#you could be ćžé
! its then a pun and makes me sound fancy. and i was so happy just making choices and getting to like#pick my own name that peoplw could use. really a revelation. anyway i was kinda on hold for a bit living at home but now im freer hearing#her go on that 'jays choice of name is so hard on me' rant really made me..... start thinking and reminiscing about my name. and me. u know#jay wasnt even my choice its just my initials that i started going by as like. plausible deniability that i wanted to change my name#i remember thinking more about it when i was younger and deciding against other names Specifically because it would be easier to go#'its just my initials!' yeah. im 25 is it too late to change names#sorry for long rambly disjointed rant. hope this was enlightening if u made it this far
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its not serious Ur not serious ab it An ur motives r stupid n hold no real life value
#been feelin sorta stupid lately#havent been sleeping well#feel empty . wanna try sm new . not motivated#cant create how i wanna . cant create what i have to . feels stale#think i mighr prove myself as an idiot before ever getting anyones faith in me in the first place#think i might just be a really smart idiot#jus bcuz i have big boy thoughts doesnt mwan im smart . maybe it just means everyone else is stupid for listening#i like feeling smart but i think im overselling myself#managed to fool myself too#m scatterbrained#m not nearly as bad as i was#im fine now . just stagnant#cant get anything done . not that i could then either#i dont even remember what it was like then#probably for the best#idealizing something i cant recall . i dont even have evidence of the worst of it#dont even know what went wrong to be honest#never got told directly . i never get told directly#always have to guess or find out some other offhand way#complaining about too much rn#mm#dont know whay my problem is#n no one else can figure it out for me#well maybe someone can#takes a while#and a lotta effort#gggghhhh#ok#m done
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i have â¨mixed feelings⨠towards dazai Like, i like (?) him as a character, but he disgusts me as a person, idk how to explain myself and im so bipolar (j) like i love chuuya with burning passion and dazai is a motherfucker but i ship soukoku why would i ship the character i like with someone like dazai? idk but i do it and i cant stop send help chuuya deserves to be shiped with someone better like aku or sigma but skk have my heart make it stop please i've tried to start shiping dazai with others so i wont ship him with chuuya, i've tried with fyozai but then i see some fyolai shit and like theyre canon bro i cant ship fyodor with someone else, i've tried with kunizai too, it kind of works but not that much i still ship skk more theres SO GOOD skk fanfics and im confused with dazai and idk how i feel about him (basically a text of my random thoughts that I wanted to write down without effort and thats why theyre incomprehensible)
Anon don't worry I checked for you and there's no cops on Tumblr. Stan Dazai ship soukoku live love laugh âĄ
#people asks me stuff#Like âwhy would i ship the character i like with someone like dazaiâ idk man my favorite Dazai ship is fyozai.#Sometimes we like to see characters bring the worst out of each other because it's fun. there's hardly any âgoodâ bsd ship on that front#Like what is shipping for you? For me it's ultimately a way to explore a deep connection between characters#to further analyze their personalitiesâ a very good way to see through a character is to observe how they react to different people#especially when facing someone who makes their true nature emergeâ you know? That's why sskk is so appealing especially on Atsushi's end#(but Akutagawa tooâ damnâ he died for him!!!).#Shipping is also going âaawwwwwâ when they do something cute in fanfictions. It's really just a pastime to have fun ahah#you can do whatever as long as you have a good time doing it!!!#When I read this ask I thought it felt like a confession but really thereâs nothing wrong about having fun#âi cant ship fyodor with someone elseâ I mean it in the most genuinely polite way when I say.#I will never be able to understand non multishippers akzbdjsnbdke I've been multishipping characters since I can remember#Maybe you should consider poly Gogol / Dostoyevsky / Dazai hashtag ProblemSolved#NOW ABOUT THE âchuuya deserves to be shiped with someone better like akuâ.#YES ABSOLUTELY CHUUAKU SUPREMACY COME SEE THE LIGHT OF BSD SHIPPING
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shoutout to indie games with unique artstyles that are only 5gb at most can we give it up for indie games with unique artstyles that are only 5gb at most
#is ultrakill more than 5 i cant remember its just been on my laptop since i first downloaded it#but like. dead cells. ror2. celeste. i can just keep several games on my laptop despite only having like. 350gb of usable space.#its ffxiv and then just several indie games. ITS DELIGHTFUL#sorry ive been on a massive indie spree lately and i feel the need to gush about them 24/7#bonus shoutout to undertale bc i dont have it installed and havent really played it since 2018 but i still love it#my friend goes 'hey do you have any recs' and i immediately open a powerpoint titled 'why you should play indie games'#and the second slide is just a picture of v1 and gabriel ultrakill VERY poorly edited to make them hold hands#third slide is the beheaded from dead cells#and the fourth slide is a giant wall of text about why ror2 is actually so much fun#(yes i still have to get rorr no i dont have the money right now)#fifth slide is literally just the nonbinary flag. nothing else. just the nonbinary flag#'a little something for everyone' i say pointing at like 5 different roguelikes#ramblings
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