#or trying to demand everyone ''act right'' to be more Deserving than they are & then everything will fall into place

[pastryfication]

Hi, so I'm a one:one teacher and I have heavy anxiety (among other things) especially this year and I use colouring as a de stressing method? So I was wondering if maybe you could write something about going to a GP with boyfriend!Oscar and you're caught colouring in the garage (you only do it during red flags or delays or whatever; you're glued to the race at all other times) and you get widely criticised for that and Oscar (and Logan and Estie and Lewis -- bc I love them and want to be their friends) all defend you? Grazie!

thank u so much for this request!! i’ve tried to write it as well as possible, but i know everyone deals with their anxiety differently. i’ve based this slightly on the way my sister deals with hers (though she has adhd and ocd as well so it might be a bit different) to make it as realistic as possible 🫶🫶

colouring books | oscar piastri

pairing: oscar piastri x anxious!reader

warnings: mentions of anxiety and toxic fans

your anxiety had always been something you had to manage carefully. you loved your job, and you found immense joy in successfully handling the challenges it faced you with, but the pressure could be stressful and at times very overwhelming. to deal with it, you discovered a love for colouring. the simple act of filling pages with bright, intricate patterns helped mollify your mind and ease your stress. letting your brain focus on something else, something so simple yet calming, became your sanctuary.

your boyfriend had always been supportive of this method. he knew how much colouring helped you stay calm, and he admired the way you balanced your demanding job with your personal struggles and always found peace amidst your daily chaos.

today, you found yourself in the bustling paddock in the city of monaco. the excitement and energy were palpable, even more so than normal, and while you were thrilled to support oscar, the sheer intensity of the environment began to weigh on you.

you stuck close to oscar for as long as possible, your hand holding firmly onto his. it didn’t take long for him to notice your tension, and he gave your hand a reassuring squeeze. “remember, if it gets too much, you can always find a quiet corner in the garage,” he reminded you. “you don’t have to watch the entire race.”

“i want to watch the race. i’ll be fine.” you assured him, giving him a warm smile as he left you.

as the action began, you watched nervously from the team’s garage. the roar of engines and the frenetic activity around you was both exhilarating and overwhelming. you tried your very best to focus on the race, but your mind started to spiral. when a red flag halted the race due to a crash, the sudden surge of activity and concern as the garage filled with engineers, mechanics and media personnel—all buzzing with tension and uncertainty—pushed your anxiety to its peak.

needing a moment to yourself, you found a quiet corner of the garage and pulled out your colouring book and pencils. the familiar motions soothed your nerves, gradually calming your mind.

lost in your activity, you didn’t notice the curious glances from some of the team members and fans who had found their way into the garage.

“is she seriously colouring right now?” one fan muttered.

“does she not care about what’s happening?” another scoffed.

“some support she offers . . . oscar deserves a better wag.” came a third opinion.

their criticism stung, each word amplifying your anxiety, but you forced yourself to shrug it off. they didn’t know you. they had no right to comment.

it didn’t take long before oscar entered the garage, the red flag lasting longer than expected.

he immediately noticed you huddled in the corner, trying to hide your distress. without hesitation, he walked over and placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, thump moving back and forth on your skin to comfort you.

“hey, what’s going on?” he asked, concern evident in his eyes.

you explained in a hushed voice, looking down at your lap. “some people are upset that i’m colouring. they think it’s unfair to you.”

oscar’s expression hardened. “i’m gonna go talk to them.” he decided.

“no, osc, it doesn’t matter.” you tried to calm him. “i’m used to it.”

your words didn’t help in the slightest, only working to make his frown deeper. he stood up, moving to address the group of fans standing outside with a firm voice. “excuse me, everyone. i would appreciate you not talking badly about my girlfriend. she’s not being a bad support; she’s taking care of her mental health. if anyone has a problem with that, they can come talk to me.”

the room fell silent, a few people looking away sheepishly as they halfheartedly apologised.

you looked down at your lap, slightly embarrassed, but you also couldn’t help but smile to yourself, feeling your heart swell at the actions of your boyfriend. looking pleased with himself, oscar turned back to you, giving you a sweet kiss that made your heart flutter.

later that day, when you where laying next to oscar in the hotel bed, both scrolling through your phone before going to sleep, oscar turned to you with a smile on his face.

“have you seen the way the other drivers stood up for you as well?” he asked. “some fan apparently filmed the whole thing and it was shown to some of them.”

“really?” you asked, excited at the prospect of the other drivers standing up for you.

oscar only handed you his phone in answer, the screen open on a twitter thread.

[motherearthlovesus]

using toxic!theo to get over toxic!theo (18+)

ft. pansy | warnings: cheating

"oh god, don't look" your best friend pansy grabbed the top of your arm, quickly pulling you to the side of the room as soon as you stepped into the party

"what pans?" you said looking over your shoulder sounding annoyed "after what happened with theo, i deserved a proper entrance, do you know how much this dress cost-"

"yes yes of course babes, i just didn't want everyone to see the look on your face when you saw that" you turned to see your brand new ex laughing with her. she hung off of his arm, clinging to his every word like it was a matter of life or death.

"her?" you spat. "why her?"

"because he knew it would get to you" pansy always seemed to have an answer. "he knew this was the only thing that would get to you".

you knew she was right, you knew he was doing this to get a rise out of you. you held one of pansy's hands, closed your eyes, took a deep breath and tried to remember who you were. you were not someone to flip their shit over a petty little game like this.

"let's go get a drink" trying to sound as carefree as you did the moment before you walked into the party

"thats my girl" replied pansy, leading you towards the open bar still holding your hand.

"oh god, don't look" pansy slurred in between burps.

"what now" your laugh echoed through out the party. the smile plastering your face quickly faded as you turned to see theo storming towards you.

"we need to talk," he said, his voice low, almost demanding.

"she's busy at the moment" pansy cut in before you could open your mouth.

you gave pansy a grateful look. "it's fine, pans," you said calmly as you set your drink down. your eyes met theo's, and you could see the frustration simmering beneath the surface. he hated when things didn't go his way, and you always found it amusing to take advantage of that.

gracefully, you stood up and brushed passed him, your vanilla scented perfume floated behind you as you went. you felt his eyes on you as you strolled away from him, and towards the outside hall. the party faded to a soft thumping as the cool air hit you, a stark contrast to the heat of that room. moments later, you heard the unmistakable sound of his footsteps behind you. you didn’t stop walking, not yet. you let him come to you.

"why are you acting like this?" he asked calling after you, his voice sullen and frustrated.

you scoffed, rolling your eyes as you crossed your arms. “like what?” you shot back. your pulse quickened making your heartbeat spread to every corner of your body.

theo took a step closer. “like you don’t care,” he retorted, his voice rising. “like none of this matters to you.”

you almost literally screeched to a halt. you took a deep breath, and slowly turned around. “hold on, you think I don’t care just because i refuse to play your little game?”

theo smirked, stepping closer, he eyed the thin straps of your dress. “you know what?i think you care a lot more than you’re letting on,” he said, his voice low and teasing. “if i didn't get under your skin, why are you here with me?" he reached for the strap of your dress, gently brushing his thumb and middle finger along it, slightly lifting it away from your chest. how could you not come up with something to say? you knew you weren't as good as pansy, but this should have been easy. as he toyed with the strap of your dress, he leaned in slightly, his breath warm against your ear.

"you look so beautiful tonight cara mia" he looked down at you with those dark sleepy eyes that had gotten you in this mess in the first place. "you're mine, she means absolutely nothing to me." theo grabbed both of your hips and pushed you back to the nearest wall, his eyes still bearing into your soul. his lips grazed against your neck and you let out a soft moan. "careful, you wouldn't want me to fuck you right here, would you?" you open your mouth to respond but his tongue filled it before you could get a word out. he lifted your leg wrapping it around his waist, your dress fell up your thighs. the cold air covered your newly exposed skin in goosebumps. theo's hand wandered down to the only warm part of your body left. a gasp escaped at the contrast between his cold fingers and your warm pussy. his mouth filled with your moans as his fingers pumped in and out of you. he pulled back from the kiss to take the straps of your dress off your shoulders, causing one of your nipples to quickly harden against the cold night air. he dipped his head down and used his tongue to play with your nipple while he found your clit with his thumb. the motion of his fingers speeding up inside of you, the circles he was drawing on your clit and the combination of his tongue and the night air on your nipple, it sent you tumbling over the edge. the waves of pleasure that came crashing over you were so strong that you forgot to keep a limit on how loud you should be.

"maybe we should take this back to my dorm" theo smirked sucking the mess off his fingers.

"no, i think we are done here". elegantly, you fixed your dress up and began to walk away. theo stood there for a moment, blank with confusion. you made it halfway back to the party before theo caught up with you. this time you interrupted him before he could speak, "im might be able to use you for your fingers and mouth but you won't be getting my heart ever. again." theo stood there staring at you for what felt like an eternity, when the door to the party opened and she came out.

she sashayed her way over to theo and stuck her arm through his. their arms looked like two angles jutting out in all the wrong ways. theo's human magnet sneered at you "oh, girl, ur hair is a bird's nest, maybe you should go, like, fix that up?"

"you're so right, girl, you know how rough theo can be" you shot back, forcing every ounce of casualness you had left in your body.

her mouth dropped to the floor, immediately screaming at theo for the apparent injustice.

you couldn't help but smile to yourself as you looked back, opening the door. theo was standing there with a finger pointed in his face, looking for someone, anyone, to help. his eye caught yours and gave you a look that could make any girl melt. but pansy was waiting, and she was far more important.

besides he would probably be on your doorstep the next morning

********************

self insert mean girl, personally i chose my new ex bsf

omg idk if i like this ive stared at it too long. sorry its so long, also this is the smuttiest thing ive ever posted (its not even that smutty lol), i feel like more people will end up seeing it so i wanted to try. feedback and reblogs are super appreciated & requests r open as usual <3

[gyuvision]

[2:58am]

pairing : brothers bsf hong seunghan x fem reader

contains -> : smut(!) - fingering, kissing, swearing, petnames (poor thing, sweet girl, baby doll), borderline dumbification/dollification, dacryphilia, situationship

wc : 1.8k

preview ! - when you and your friends rent a vacation home for winter break, its a no brainer seunghan is the one you go to when youre needy. but how will you go about it when your brothers room is right next door?

continue? ⬇️

you rolled over to look at the clock on the other side of your bed. “2:58am” it read in a big red font. you groaned at how you felt your panties stick to you, drowning in your slick.

today had been spent at the pool that came with the vacation home, which meant shirtless seunghan. which meant growing horny in front of your friends and your brother eunseok. which meant needing some sort of relief despite not being able to get considering eunseok has made it VERY clear he wants none of his friends anywhere near his baby sister in that sense.

seunghan wasnt oblivious, he saw how you stared at him, he knew that look, hes seen it before. that look you always gave him when you snuck out your house to drive to his place whenever you were needy.

hed be lying if he said he wasnt turned on either though. you with your wet hair laughing with your friends, with the white bikini that he so badly just wanted to untie.

but he played it off better than you, acting nonchalant as accordingly.

at least until it was time to exit for dinner, seunghan made sure he was last to enter, pulling you back by your arm after everyone else walked in so you two were the only ones outside.

“meet me in my room, 3am, no later than.” he winked as he ran a hand over your waist before walking back inside too.

so here you were, 3am, no later than, sitting on his bed next to him. you brushed his hair out of his pretty face, cooing as he pouted with his face pressed into his pillow.

you sighed as you looked at his sleeping figure. he must be joking. he hadnt really forgotten had he? but you couldnt blame him. today was tiring for him too, having to deal with wonbin constantly demanding a rematch in volleyball ‘cause he kept losing.

you lifted seunghans covers and crawled into the bed next to him, pressing your cold face into his warm chest. you pressed your hand into his cheek, rubbing circles with your thumb before you stopped, letting your hand rest there as you leaned further into his body.

“what are you doing y/nie?” he whispered sleepily, smiling as he brought an arm down to your waist.

“im cold. keep me warm wont you?” you mumbled, lifting your head up to peck his lips.

“shit, its 3am already.. i was just trying to take a quick nap.”

“baby!” you pouted, “you promised!”

“sorry sweet girl, im so tired. ill make it up to you tomorrow.” he spoke in a low tone as a warning to you, letting you know you were talking too loud when you seemed to forget eunseok was asleep on the other side of the wall.

you squirmed in his grasp as he tightened his hold on your waist, while you went a short incoherent rant.

“hey- quit moving. be good or youre not getting anything at all.” he grumbled, moving so he had his chin resting on top of your head.

you sighed, realizing maybe he deserved to sleep more than you need release even if you werent able to sleep yourself with how much you wanted him

you closed your eyes and tried to fall asleep, hoping his touch would be enough. but you just couldnt.

lifting the covers off of you, you tried to slip out of seunghans bed knowing him pressed against you wasnt going to help your situation, but he pulled you back, feeling even closer than before. “where are you going?”

“back to my room.”

“you said you were cold. my rooms a higher temperature than yours, stay here.”

“cant stay here, eunseok might come in.”

“youre paranoid arent you?” he licked his lips, trailing a hand down your side. “poor thing.. left you needy all night huh? thats cute. all you got in that empty head of yours is me huh?”

you felt him push on your thighs, spreading your legs open as his hand crept up your shorts. “these need to come off dont you think?”. he tugged on the waistband, pulling it down as you lifted up your hips. he opened his drawer, and put your shorts inside.

“you can get those back later.” he smirked. he was always talkative in bed, you couldnt say you minded, in fact you found it pretty attractive of him.

“seunghan, stop teasing.” you pleaded, gripping his shoulder. he cooed at your desperation, “such a needy girl.. poor y/nie, left needy all night long huh? dont worry babydoll. ill take such good care of you.”

your breath hitched when you felt him slowly slip two fingers into you, setting a steady pace as he began to massage your walls.

you looked over at your beautiful boy (not boyfriend yet, ouch), propped up on his side next to you, leaning on one arm as he used his other to thrust into you.

you mewled as hit that spot that had you wailing in his sheets, your head tipping back softly when he began to move faster once he knew where to aim for.

it wasnt too long after that when he pulled out, but before you got the chance to complain, he was pulling you on his lap and you felt his fingers enter you at another angle seconds later.

you whimpered lowly and airy when he kissed on your earlobe, beginning to suckle softly before going down and leaving wet kisses down your neck.

“what were you thinking when you put those on?” seunghan asked, gesturing to your shorts which sat at the bottom of his drawer. “bet you wanted someone to see you. was it.. wonbin? was it.. shotaro? or was it.. me?” he asked, pulling out his fingers all the way before plunging back in deep and hard for emphasis.

you moaned out loud (maybe too loud) when your sounds grew higher in volume and pitch as he thrusted in and out repeatedly, desperate to watch you fall apart.

he knew you were close when you began to clench uncontrollably around his fingers, smirking to himself when he saw tears form in the corners of your eyes.

“gonna cry for me baby? so desperate arent you. bet you couldnt get off without me. my fingers are better than anyones arent they? no one else can have you wailing like this after barely starting other than me.” he chuckled when you grip his hair, pulling him into your neck as you began to slowly ride his fingers, matching his pace desperately.

“seunghan.. so close..” you whine, practically sobbing as your tears flowed nonstop when he had 3 fingers working on you. the arm he once had around your waist moved down so he could rub circles on your clit.

but everything seemed to stop when he heard a knock at his door.

“seunghan? are you awake? i heard something so i assumed you are. everyone else is still sleeping.” you heard sungchans voice.

“what do you need? its almost 4 in the morning.”

it was silent, sungchan seeming to pause before speaking.

“can i come in?”

seunghan wasnt sure how to approach the situation. he could have you hide in the closet, or he could say no because he couldnt dare rip apart from his pretty girl, wanting nothing more than to take care of her.

he looked over at you, obviously shaking your head no.

then something came to him, a third option floating around.

“seunghan?” sungchan asked again.

“y-yeah. just give me a minute.” he replied.

“what the hell are you doing? what am i gonna do?” you whispered directly into his ear, frowning at his stupid smirk. “i wanna wipe that stupid look of your face right now.”

“just trust me sweetheart.”

he rushed to pull you off his lap, motioning for you to go further under the sheets. he had you lying down with your head in his lap as you sat between his legs, completely covered by the comforter.

seunghan took one of his pillows from behind him and placed it on his lap to cover your head, making it seem like he was the only person there.

he kept his right hand on your clit, rubbing circles and ignoring your protests as he called for sungchan to come in with his left hand on top of the pillow as he pretended to scroll on his phone.

“whats wrong? you okay?” he asked, before turning it off.

“just bored, cant sleep. wanted to talk to someone.” sungchan replied.

you listened as they began a random conversation about work, school, food, games, and other things you werent listening on. shocked was an understatement. you couldnt believe how normal he was acting with sungchan sitting right there as if he wasnt rubbing on your clit.

seunghan felt you begin to shake, and sped up his movements as he knew you were almost there.

“so i never knew he- you good man?” sungchan paused, motioning to the bed shaking.

“huh?” seunghan stopped before he realized it looked like your legs were in place of his under the covers. “oh, yeah. just cold.” he smiled, rubbing his arm as it looked like he had goosebumps.

“your room has the highest temperature compared to anyone elses.”

“ive got a thin blanket though.”

he shrugged it off and continue what he was talking about.

seunghan had to cover up your muffled moans as a cough when he felt your cum leak onto his hand, ignoring sungchans suspicious looks.

it took everything in you to keep quiet, not to mention you were suffocating under the fabric.

you sighed at seunghan, who practically seemed like he wanted to get caught as he rode out your high, lazily thrusting two fingers into you with his thumb on your clit.

it was only a few minutes later when you finally heard sungchan get up to leave.

he was already in the hallway before walking back in, letting his hand rest on the door.

“youre lucky it was me who came in and not eunseok.”

[almacambiondaughterofsaleos]

Kuczo From Emperor's New Groove Refutes the Bs Sheltered Excuse For Stolas

I know people use the sheltered excuse to cover for Stolas' crappy behavior but I see another character who I think refutes Stolas should be given leeway because he's sheltered is Kuczo from "Emperor's New Groove". The reason why I say this is because why he became such a selfish pos is that he was always sheltered and spoiled to think that way. However, one thing that the narrative doesn't do is shield him from being criticized for his selfishness and callousness. The main plot happens because of his shittiness and taking people for granted like his long time advisor (although that one did have justification because she was trying times to rule behind his back).

Throughout the story he's made to reflect on the fact that his actions affect others and that he can't keep acting the way he is or he will end up alone as a result. And even at one point in the story he even tells off his own narration to feel sorry for himself because at that point we saw that he brought everything on himself and is now paying for it. That is something Stolas would never do because he will frequently deny he's not anything but the complete victim and blame everything after everyone else when it's obvious he's to blame for his own misery.

That's the difference between Kuzco and Stolas as characters is accountability from the narrative. Kuzco's ignorance doesn't give him the excuse to be a pos and he has to learn be a better person or be stuck the way he is forever. Stolas on the other hand is babied and we are supposed to find his ignorance charming rather than obnoxious. And even when it's pointed out he doubles down and claims he's done nothing wrong which shows he is adverse to actually learning to better himself. And ironically Kuzco is just a year younger than Stolas' daughter who acts more mature than her dad. And youth doesn't stop him from being someone who needs his actions corrected.

And most of all entitlement both Kuczo (in the beginning) and Stolas are both entitled characters due to their ignorance. Kuczo for example is so entitled he thinks that there is nothing wrong with bulldozing a village to make a resort for himself while leaving many homeless and when turned into a llama he demands one of the villagers who he told what was going to happen to take him back. Meanwhile, Stolas thinks nothing of extorting someone for sex and then expects to have a relationship with that person since he called it off. However, one character manages to show how toxic this mentality is and how selfish they are for it. The other is treated as deserving of it and thus doesn't get admonish for not caring how others feel until he gets what he wants. And ironically even if Kuczo had moral lapses before truly changing, he comes off as more likable than Stolas.

It's interesting that an almost 25 year old Disney movie can get this character right but a supposedly adult animated show can't. It really shows what happens when let a creator pet blind the story and allow them to get away with more and more shit.

[storeecbrcod]

This is 100% self indulgent and not like what I usually write but 🤷 deal mfs

John ‘Soap’ MacTavish x F!reader

I feel like, despite how hot headed he is, John ‘Soap’ MacTavish would be the best at holding space for you and encouraging you to do things outside your comfort zone most would deem ‘normal’.

Ever since you started drinking at the very proper age of 18, you have hated drinking past a buzz. Obviously, as a kid, you make mistakes; you drink an alcohol that doesn’t agree with you, or you lose track, it happens. But even when you are much more intoxicated than you want to be, you can’t shake the anxiety of coming across as drunk. It’s been drilled into you that you’re more mature, that you’re more capable at taking care of yourself. Always the proper one, always the guardian amongst friends.

So when you come across as reluctant to drink with John, always offering to be the designated driver during outings or only having a single drink and denying any more, he’s confused. He’s always seen you act as the mature one, but also you could be so silly and fun. Drinking was all about fun, why did you hate it so much?

The conversation starts as his arms wrapped around your waist from behind as you were getting ready for a date. He pressed soft kisses across your shoulder blades, it makes you chuckle softly, looking at him through the mirror as you shut your lipstick.

“Bon,” he started, tone light and soft as his chin rested on your shoulder, stubble scratching at your bare skin there. “Why’s it you dinnae drink?”

Your brow furrows, looking down to your makeup bag and fishing out an eyebrow pencil, uncapping it and leaning towards the mirror of the bathroom slightly, starting to apply it. “What do you mean? I do drink,” you reply, continuing to stare yourself in the mirror as you map out precise lines. “We have a drink together nearly every weekend, love.”

He huffed, squeezing his arms into your midsection briefly. “I ken, but I’ve never seen ye let loose,” he pushed. “You drink enough to seem relaxed, but I feel as ye boyfriend, I deserve to see you piss drunk at least once.”

He punctuated his words with a lopsided grin, meeting your eyes through the mirror. “Level the playin’ field for the times ye’ve picked me up ten sheets to the bleedin’ wind.”

You chuckle, but it sounds forced to his ears and your own. Shame sat in a lump in your throat, twisted with anxiety. He can sense it, the way you instinctively lick your lips even as you try to not disturb your makeup, the way your eyes avoid his. He let you finish your other eyebrow before placing a hand over your own, gently making you put down your makeup. He spun you around with his hands on your waist, letting you lean against the counter behind you, looking up to him.

“You never let go,” he said again, softer this time. He laced his fingers with yours, eyes tracing where you two met for a moment before looking up to your eyes. His own were molten with the desire to understand, the need to comfort and care. “Why is that?”

You stayed silent for a few moments, still avoiding his eyes. You traced patterns in his plain shirt, watching his fingers scrape gently over your skin, feeling his warmth at his proximity. It didn’t feel suffocating as it may have with anyone else; he was gentle, not demanding. Most people you confide in about your anxiety around drinking tell you to grow up, completely ignoring the double standard of people desiring you to get blind but not be out of hand. They want the entertainment, at the expense of your embarrassment.

“Bonnie,” John cooed to you, calling your eyes back to his. He hooked a finger under your chin, trying not to disturb your setting makeup. “I’m not goin’ tae tease ya, right?”

You huff a laugh, brushing him off and looking away, making him drop his hand to your waist once more. You hesitate again, but look back to him with your lips pursed. “I hate the next day,” you say simply.

“Everyone does,” he replied with a chuckle, but it was soft. “Hangovers aren’t fun for anyone, baby.”

You chuckle with him, hitting his shoulder weakly in retaliation. “Not what I meant, Tav, and you know it,” you admonish, affection clear in your voice. You sigh, easing up again, hesitating.

“I don’t like being out of control,” you admit, shrugging and looking up to him. Instinctively, your arms cross, almost hugging yourself. His hands rub your arms up and down, comforting. “It’s not nice for a young girl to be incoherent and stumbling, yeah? Not safe, either.”

John scoffed, brow furrowing in genuine yet gentle confusion. “Ye’ve got me, bonnie,” he replied, shaking his head in mild disbelief. “And what’s it matter what other people think? You’re having fun, no?”

You pout at him dramatically, making him chuckle again. “Naw, don’t you start poutin’,” he added, poking your side and making you flinch with a yelp of protest. “I mean it. Chances are, everyone else isn’t gonna remember their own names let alone you, hun. And lord knows all I’m gonna remember is how fuckin’ sexy you are. I’ll be just as drunk as you, my love.”

You huff, pursing your lips, leaning back against the counter more. Just the thought of being anywhere near drunk around others, having seen your own fair share of other drunk people and, worse, trying to take care of them, makes you want to gag.

“It’s not… classy,” you grumble.

“Neither is being the only sober one in a club,” he replied with an eyebrow raised, making you groan. “Clubbing is about getting a bit messy, love, I dinnae ken why getting messy with everyone else is so bad. Tell me.”

“Because I’m not… messy.”

“Do they know that?”

You pause, knowing he’s got you pushed into a bit of a corner. You know rationally that nobody cares, that at the worst people pity the messier of the rest, but something about it makes your skin crawl. John can sense it, pulling you towards him for a brief hug, your chin on his shoulder.

“You’re so proper,” he muttered, the grin clear in his voice. “Wha’ the hell do you see in me? I’m no’ exactly proper, bon.”

“I like that you’re easy going,” you reply, letting him just hold you for a moment. You felt a bit… childish, for being like this. Like this fear wasn’t really founded, a phobia like the nightmares kids get scared of. Monsters under the bed and figures chasing them down the hall. A little silly, something that dissipates with age, but still scares you.

“Then let me show you how to be easy goin’,” he said quietly, letting the offer hang. He snickered after a few moments. “It gets easier the more drinks ye have, I promise.”

You laugh with him, sniffling a bit. He was always so warm, so gentle when he needed to be. He never approached your problems with the idea that it was childish, even if you thought they were. Problems were problems, no matter how big or small, insignificant or important.

“What about we start here?” He offered quietly, pulling back to look you in the eye. “We ‘ave tha’ bottle of whiskey we could put a dent in, then we can grab a taxi or somethin’. Get you properly loosened up, til it’s easier to push through.”

You roll your eyes, snickering a bit. “This feels coercive,” you say sarcastically, making him grin.

“I never claimed to be a saint, swee’heart”

You give a moment of pause, looking up at him through your lashes. You couldn’t help the small smile pulling at your lips, for once the idea of being messy seeming like a good one if it meant you and John could spill onto each other. It felt a bit romantic and intimate, if you wanted to get poetic about it.

“Ok,” you say quietly. His face lit up, making you melt as he beamed at you, eyes twinkling with pleasure simply at you giving in to his gentle coaxing. “But, I won’t promise to going out. Don’t know if I’ll even want to.”

“Fine by me, bonnie,” he replied, his hands trailing down to your ass and grabbing a fistful of it cheekily, a glint in his eye. “Either way, I’ll be barkin’ up your tree all night.”

You huff in mock irritation, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to his lips. He smiles against your lips, sending a thrill of warmth down your spine, letting it break down the anxiety.

“Careful, MacTavish. I’m getting all pretty for you.”

“Then finish your face,” he all but purred, gently turning you back around as you giggled, yelping again as he pinned you against the counter with his hips, making you laugh more. He leaned into your ear, looking to your eyes through the mirror heatedly and forcing you to bite your lip to suppress another noise. “And I’ll get the drinks pourin’ for your pretty little arse.”

A/N: once again, self indulgent in light of getting pretty fucked up and 100% regretting it even though no one got hurt or upset on the night ✌️ RIP my pride and ego ig

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

[onlyang3ll]

request: comforting rafe after he has a fight with his dad

an: writing this on my phone so sorry for the terrible writing 🙃��� hope u enjoyyyy just a little something

“you sure you don’t want any baby?” rafe raised the bottle of whiskey in the air glancing at you. you shook your head no. rafe showed at your house full of anger. him and his dad got into about him not wanting to do some ridiculous task ward demanded of him.

you weren’t a fan of ward, but normally kept that to yourself and just gave a polite smile and wave when you ran into him at the cameron household. rafe really tries to contain his anger around you, he doesn’t want to subject you to the rage everyone else gets from him. “we can talk about it if you want?” you watched him walk over and sit down next you on the couch.

“you know i do everything he asks of me, all his stupid fucking errands. then he wants to act like sarah is going to inherit the company” he scoffs, throwing back the rest of the whiskey in his glass. placing it on the table, pulling you into his lap. “I deserve it, not her.”

“yes you do honey, no one deserves it more than you. he runs you around town like it’s nothing.” you pout and cup his cheeks. “but i believe you are much bigger than that company. you can achieve so much more if you want to.” he looks at you and the look you give him just holds so much admiration.

he knows you always say things you mean and look at him like he put the stars in the sky. he loves it. makes him forget about all the dumb shit ward puts him through.

“now how about we wipe that pout off your pretty face huh?” you tease and give him a kiss on the nose. he laughs, nodding. “only if i get to wipe something off your face later” he gripped onto your hips and winked playfully.

“I’m trying to be sweet right now, don’t ruin it” you laugh, and stand up. rafe grabs onto your hand looking up at you standing in front of him. “oh baby, you don’t have to even try to be sweet. seriously i appreciate it, i feel much better. but i will feel even better if i get to see you naked today” you pull your hand away and walk away jokingly.

[gnomeniche]

actually now that it’s the next day and i’ve had time to think on it. i’m not sorry and i stand by what i said. so i’m gonna repost it. with more detail because i need to make things very clear so nobody gets mad at me

first of all this is not about anything in SPECIFIC. it’s about how i’ve seen a trend recently and. ok. guys. i know we are trying to make up for the early tv show fandom duck hate and weird red guy over-love but i think we really do not need to overcorrect from “duck is a tory and ableist and should be ignored!!!” into “red guy is privileged and entitled and should just suck it up!!!” like. to me it’s just the same worst faith possible reading of a character in the opposite direction.

idk guys it was funny at first but as someone who has great love for all three guys. i feel genuinely upset whenever people purposely try to exclude one of them and say they are uniquely oppressive to the others and has nothing to be upset about and should fuck off forever. maybe i’m too emotionally attached but these three all deserve better than that! they’re complicated n they all have their own reasons to be unhappy and act out the way they do. like do you guys know the reason i became such a duck advocate? it was BECAUSE people were doing that to HIM and trying to read him in the worst faith possible!

like we might as well complete the set and start saying yellow guy is a little brat who isn’t even grateful for how much his friends love and protect him or how much of a favorite he is. like the teachers all pay the most attention to him and lesley said he’s her favorite. how dare he demand some respect people already care so much about him. he should go away and let rg and duck be happy together without having to worry abt someone who doesn’t even appreciate what they do or see how they’re struggling. and OBVIOUSLY I DO NOT BELIEVE ALL THAT STUFF ^^^ but you see what i mean right?

and this is not coming from the pov of some simp who refuses to see flaws in their fave or anything. i’m not denying red guy has flaws. they all have flaws. i just think you guys are getting very close to doing the thing where fandom readings of the canon get farther out there the longer they stay around and you should be careful

maybe i’m spending time and words and clout on stuff that literally does not matter but it matters to me. anyway i hope everyone is doing well and i want to be clear that this post is not coming from a place of malice or hatred just like. mild annoyance and concern.

tl;dr i think we can appreciate each of the three of them and each of the dynamics between them without having to demonize one to uplift the other two. it’s fine.

[sixpossumsinatrenchcoat]

Memories of Defeat (pt 4/4)

An In Stars and Time retrospective that revolves around everyone's favorite star. Major "secret ending"/epilogue spoilers below the cut!!

[Start from Part One here.]

Once upon a time, there were two brothers: one made of light, and one made of meat.

The elder brother was capable. Resourceful. He’s the one who had to point the way. Even if he was lost, or exhausted, or hungry and scared and alone, he didn’t have a choice. There was nowhere left for him to go. So he died! He died on purpose!! He’d rather be dead!!! Anything would be better than this!!!!

The younger brother burrowed out of their sibling’s ribcage. They were afraid, too, but they weren’t hungry. How could they be? They were born from a banquet of muscle and bone. Fermented in a womb of fresh-spilled blood.

The younger brother swallowed their elder. They swallowed his liver and his entrails, his heart and lungs and light. Everything good that was ever inside him would be theirs now. Then they wiped their mouth and howled their loneliness into the stars. Why did it have to be like this? What can’t I remember? Why am I so alone???

The night sky looked down and said, Because I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hope you eat shit and die. Die unloved and alone. It’s what you deserve.

But I didn’t do anything wrong! the younger brother wailed, pathetically, and also totally blinding hypocritically because they literally just ate their only kin, like, ten minutes ago. I only wanted to be loved!!!

Cool, the Universe said. Try telling someone who cares.

* * *

There’s no room for Loop in the caravan.

Which is fine. Preferable, even. It’s not as though they’re particularly eager to spend the night two inches away from the nation’s most nauseating lovebirds.

Siffrin insists on pitching a tent for them. That’s fine, too. It’s a free country. Siffrin can do whatever he wants. It doesn’t mean that Loop actually has to sleep there.

(They can’t even look at it. It smells like the past. Like the hole in their chest.)

They sleep on the ground, with a scarf draped over their eyes. They don’t want to look at the stars.

* * *

Loop’s eyes snap open a few minutes before sunrise. There’s someone watching them.

“You’re not sneaky,” they announce, without looking up. “I’m not one of your oblivious little friends. You can’t hide from me. I’m better at it, anyway.”

“Maybe I wasn’t trying to.”

“You know it’s pointless trying to lie to me.”

“…Yeah.”

Loop rolls their eyes. He’s the one who won, isn’t he? So why does he always go around acting like a sopping wet cat left out in the rain? “What do you want, stardust.”

“I’m deciding if I have to give you our cloak,” Siffrin admits.

That gets their attention. Loop sits up, intrigued.

Siffrin tucks their chin behind their collar. “It seems maybe… right? Um. Morally. But I really don’t want to.”

“Aww, stardust. You think I want that ratty old thing?”

“Of course.”

…Of course.

Loop smiles sunnily. “I bet you think I’m going to say something like, Ohh, you don’t have to do that. It’s the thought that counts! That you even considered it is more than enough for me!”

Siffrin looks hopeful. Stupid little beast. How were a hundred bloody deaths still not enough to wring all the optimism out of them?

“Well, maybe I won’t! We don’t all find you so charming, you know. Maybe I do want it! It was mine first!”

Siffrin’s face scrunches miserably. As they reach for the clasp that holds their collar shut, the first gleam of dawn catches on a silver coin, still pinned to their lapel.

…Ugh. “It’s fine, okay? It’s not even my style anymore. Anyway, I got to keep both our eyes, so. Who’s the loser here, really?”

Siffrin opens their mouth.

“If you answer that, I’m taking the cloak just so I can throw it in the river.”

Siffrin closes their mouth. But they don’t walk away. They just keep standing there, staring.

“Stars, what?” Loop demands. “Have you got some more restitutions for me? Going to give me your other eye?”

Siffrin shakes his head. “It’s just, um. Loop.”

“What?”

“No, I mean the name. ‘Loop.’ Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“Stars, it’s one thing after another with you! Talk about intrusive! Do you do this with all your little friends, or it just me you can’t trust to make a single blinding decision for myself?”

Siffrin scuffs the heel of their boot through the dirt. “It just… doesn’t seem fair.”

“Oh, you figured it out, did you!! Ve~ry clever, stardust! It is unfair! Much like everything else in this miserable world! Nothing was ever going to be fair! What do you want me to do about it? Well? Go on! I’d love to hear your brilliant solution!”

Siffrin just keeps standing there, silent.

Loop’s fingernails dig into their palms. “Do you think I should be Siffrin again? Is that it? You think we should both be Siffrin? I’m sure that won’t confuse anyone. When your pet Fighter calls your name and the both of us come running.”

“...It would get confusing.”

“I’m not him anymore, anyway,” Loop spits. “They’re dead. You should know. You’re the one who killed them. And killed them and killed them and killed them and killed them! And—if I can be honest? Good blinding riddance!! You think I liked being you? Being some desperate, needy little freak with no past and no future?” They let out a tinkling laugh. “Get over yourself, stardust. Frankly, I’d rather die.”

“I’m not saying you should be me,” Siffrin says quietly. “I just mean… Loop, specifically. It doesn’t seem a little… masochistic?”

Loop blinks at them.

“I know you’re not me,” Siffrin says again. “Or even the me you used to be. But you’re not the loops, either. They’re just—something that happened to us.”

Loop rolls their eyes. “You escape one time loop and suddenly you’re a qualified therapist?”

“Do you really like it, though?”

…Well. Well of course they don’t blinding like it. But it’s fitting, isn’t it? It’s funny, isn’t it? Just like them!! Soooo~ funny!!!

“…Loop?”

“I don’t like it,” Loop hisses. “But. It’s… not as though I like anything else. And it’s. Familiar.”

Siffrin nods. Even he can understand that much. This world’s Siffrin may have had it easy—like, really, ridiculously, embarrassingly easy—but both of them went years without finding anything familiar. “Okay. If you’re sure.”

“I am.”

“And you know you can change your mind.”

“Hard as it may be to believe, I am, in fact, fully capable of thinking for myself! But thanks ever so much for trying to dictate another aspect of my life! I was starting to worry that I might actually have to be a real person!”

Siffrin frowns. “You’re a real person.”

“Oh, for Stars— Haven’t you done enough? I’m exhausted. You’re exhausting.” They flop back in their bedroll, draping the scarf back over their eyes. “Just leave me alone, stardust. It’s what you do best.”

[You dreamed that you were drowning. Even now, you still can’t catch your breath.]

There’s an old fairytale, back in (don’t think it DON’T THINK IT IT HURTS) about the saddest man in the world. He’s so miserable, so totally consumed by his hurt that he can’t even talk about it, because no one would ever understand. He is utterly alone in his grief.

So the world’s saddest man makes a wish. He wishes for a copy of himself! Someone else, someone new, who might reflect the emptiness inside him.

But the copy is too good. Much, much better than the man ever was. There’s no bitterness inside it because, for as long as it’s lived, it’s always had him. It never had to learn how it feels to be alone.

The man hates it. He hates it. He can't stand to see it walking around, smiling and laughing and failing and trying. So he lures it back into his study. He gives it a smile. He opens his arms.

It’s still smiling at him, trusting, when he drives the knife into its chest.

The man drinks the light from its veins and swallows the wish in its heart. He leaves it empty empty empty. And do you know what?? In the end, when he’s left shuddering in a puddle of blood and spattered viscera, nothing has changed!! There’s nothing different at all!!! He still isn’t any less alone!!!!!

*

* *

* * *

The morning after the party sets out from Bambouche, Loop wakes up to find Bonnie standing over them.

“How come you don’t glow anymore?” they ask bluntly.

Loop blinks. “Oh. Um. W-Well, it was wreaking havoc on my beauty sleep. Looking this good doesn’t come cheap, you know! It’s practically a full-time job!”

“But how? What happened to your sparkles?”

“They… washed off?” It is sort-of true. For a while after Siffrin set them free, Loop wasn’t anywhere at all. When they finally gasped awake, they were neck-deep in the same black, frigid water that carried them to Vaugaurde, all those years ago. Except this world’s Siffrin already took the boat. Loop had to claw their way to shore with their own two hands.

Bonnie looks disappointed. What else is new? Water is wet and Loop is disappointing. “That sucks. It was cool. But I guess it’s good you can sleep now. Being tired sucks too.”

Loop’s mouth ticks up. “I’ll tell you a secret,” they find themself saying. “But only if you won’t tell Siffrin.”

“DEAL.”

“You promise?”

“Yeah!!”

“Super promise?”

“Of course!!!!”

“Super duper promise?”

Bonnie flaps their arms. “You gotta tell me right now or I’m gonna explode!!!!!”

Loop looks left and right, conspiratorial, before beckoning them close enough to whisper in their ear. “...I can still glow a little.”

“What!!!!!”

“Shh!!”

“Ahem!” Boniface clears their throat. “Ahem, hem. Of course what I meant was: forsooth, how doth you, um. Glow?”

Wow, they really have been going to school. Loop’s mouth ticks up. They might not be the real Boniface, but they’re still way too cute. “Okayyyy, okay. You wore me down! I can’t hold out any longer! I have no choice but to confess!”

“Yeah,” Bonnie agrees, scowling fiercely.

“Okay, check this out.” Loop scoops a fistful of dust from the ground beside their bedroll and holds it in front of their nose. Their eyes scrunch. Their face puckers—

—and they sneeze a spray of sparks into their palm.

Bonnie’s eyes light up. “What!! What!!!! You sneeze light?????”

“Not always,” Loop explains. They still don’t really understand why it happens. It’s not as though the Universe ever deigned to explain. “And don’t tell anyone! It’s our secret, okay?”

“But why!!! It’s cool!!!!!”

“Haha, well. Sometimes people don’t like things that are cool.”

“But it’s shiny!!!!”

Loop smiles wryly. “Sometimes people don’t even like things that are shiny.”

Bonnie’s shoulders sag a little. “But that’s… That stinks.”

(Do NOT make Bonnie sad.) “Oh, no, i-it’s not bad! It’s, um, cool! Like having superpowers! Or a secret identity or something!”

“It is bad!” Bonnie snaps back at them. “People are so stupid!! I think your sparks are cool!!!”

For a second, Loop almost forgets to laugh. “Haha! Well, I commend your exemplary taste. But there’s no need to worry about me, Bonb– Boniface. I’m doing just fine!”

Bonnie frowns at them. “Frin says that sometimes.”

The nickname nearly knocks the smile off their face. “...Is that right.”

“But usually only when they’re not.”

“Well. I wouldn’t think too hard about it. Siffrin is pretty stupid.”

“You’re his friend, though.”

(…Are they?) “Of course!”

“So maybe you’re stupid too.”

Loop chokes on a laugh. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re sort of scary-smart?”

“No,” Bonnie says promptly. “Mostly they say I have learning disabrilties. ‘Cause my brain is bad at words.”

“Well,” Loop tells them, confidential. “Don’t tell your sister, but between you and me… I think the people who say that might be even stupider than me.”

“Pffft— You can’t say that about teachers!! They’re in charge!!!”

“Not of me, they’re not.”

Bonnie stares for a second before breaking into a radiant, gap-toothed smile. “You’re cool, Loop.”

“I— Ah?” For the first time in several lifetimes, Loop finds themself at a loss for words.

“It’s okay!” Bonnie says generously. “Frin doesn’t know what to do when people are nice to them either. You don’t hafta say anything. You can just know you’re cool and not even say anything.”

Not as cool as YOU! That’s what they could have said. But of course it’s always already too late. “Um…”

“I’ll leave you alone!!” Bonnie shouts in their face. “Cause Nille says I’m bossy which is a strenth but sometimes means I have to give people space so they can decide if they wanna keep hanging out or not! But I’m glad you came back!! ‘Cause Frin and Za are all gross and lame now, so it’s cool to have someone cool!!”

“H-Haha. Well. I’ll… try to meet your expectations?”

“You don’t hafta worry ‘bout that,” Bonnie scoffs. “You already sneezed glitter.”

* * *

When the party meets Madame Odile at the crossing, she looks at Loop very, very closely. She shakes their hand politely enough. But she doesn’t approach them directly until later, after the Fighter’s already turned in for the night and Boniface is fast asleep.

“Loop,” she greets them. “I wasn’t sure you’d want to discuss it in front of everyone, but I wanted to tell you that I’m very glad to see you again. I’d been hoping for a chance to give you my thanks. I know I was a bit, ah, preoccupied when last we met… But it seems we owe you a great debt. Siffrin’s life, for one. Not to mention the state of our physical world.”

Loop bites back a sigh and readies the usual spiel. Haha, yes, that’s me! Eternally helpful etcetera etcetera! I can see that you’ve noticed the new look; would you believe, it’s actually a very funny story—

“And Siffrin,” Odile says levelly. She doesn’t look away. “It seems we owe you an apology.”

Loop chokes. “Aha? Haha, um… I think you’ve… perhaps… mistaken me for someone? H-Haha, ah… Maybe in your old age, your eyes have finally—“

“She knows,” Sif blurts out, from across the fire. “Sorry. I had to tell her. She’d already mostly figured it out.”

“Not when it might have counted,” Odile says ruefully.

“Which would be….?”

Odile looks at them like they’re stupid. “Obviously, when it still could have saved you.”

OHHHkay. Hahaha, okay!! So they’re just going to talk about that!!! She’s just going to look at them with remorse in her eyes, and regret, like she can actually see them!! Like she thinks it’s not their own blinding fault that everything went—

“…Siffrin?”

“Don’t call me that.” That’s someone else now.

“Of course. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

She quirks an eyebrow. “Hmh. Well. I think it probably isn’t.”

“What do you know?” S— Loop snaps. “No, let me guess. Because you’re old, you think you must be wise? Well, I do hate to be the one to tell you this, but I’m afraid that’s just not how it works. I would know.”

“Of course,” she says again, backing off. “I’m sorry.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I know.”

“And I don’t want anyone’s apologies. It’s not like there’s anything any of you could have done.”

“Hmh,” she says. Probably thinks she’s being diplomatic. Maybe she would be, if she were talking to someone as stupid as Siffrin.

“And I’m not—” The words lodge in their throat. Loop is seized by the violent urge to take a deep breath, but just thinking about it makes them want to peel their skin off.

They can feel Odile’s eyes on them, assessing. “...What was she like?”

“Wh-What?”

“Me,” she explains. “The one that you knew.”

...Oh. “Different,” Loop admits. “And… the same? You—or. She never figured it out, like you did. But I think maybe she might’ve. If I’d been less—” Weak. Spineless. Pathetic.

“Tch,” Odile scoffs. “Doesn’t matter what she might have done, if she didn’t.”

Loop blinks.

For once in her life, Odile actually looks embarrassed. “Ah. My apologies. I only mean that… I’m sorry that I was so useless.”

She startles when Loop barks a laugh. “You—haha!!! Hahaha!!!! You’re sorry! For being useless!!! That’s—no, no, it’s very funny!!”

Because their Odile could have been plenty useful, if they hadn’t been such a blinding coward. If they’d trusted her enough to let her in. But they didn’t, and now the Odile that Loop loved is gone. She needed them and S— Loop couldn’t take the heat. They gave up. They left her behind.

“I’m not sure I get the joke,” Odile says quietly.

“Well! It’s not exactly your strong suit, is it!”

Madame Odile studies their face, frowning. Then, disconcertingly, her gaze flicks toward Siffrin.

“Don’t look at them,” Loop snarls. Instinct thuds in their ears, take it back take it back TAKE IT BACK—

—but they won’t. What would be the point?

“Did you think we’d be the same?” they ask, sneering. Contempt dripping from every word like blood from the tip of a blade. “That you’d have one more cute little Siffrin tiptoeing around, hiding and crying and lying to people? Well! I’m ever so sorry to disappoint, but I think you’ll find otherwise. Oh, but don't get the wrong idea! It's not just me, teehee! We're both soooo~ much worse than you think."

“…Is that right.”

In another life, Loop let the King squeeze Bonnie into bloody pulp. They let the King throw Mira around like a ragdoll. They lied and lied and lied till they were sick with it, till their throat scorched black and their tongue dripped silver. They smiled and let her die and die and die.

“It really is!” They flash a bright, brittle smile. “How many times do you think I let you die, Madame? Would you like to take a guess?”

“I would not.”

“Too easy? I’ll try another, then. How many times do you think I killed you?”

She doesn’t flinch. Every muscle in her body deliberately Doesn’t Flinch. “...Loop.”

“Madame~?”

“I like your jewelry.”

“I—um?”

“Did you make it yourself?”

“I… did, yes.” When Loop finally clawed their way out of the sea, they had every intention of lying there until they died. But it wasn’t long before they were found. Apparently they’d washed ashore just a stone’s throw from a beachcomber’s hut: an artisan whose dilapidated hovel glittered with gleaming fusions of glass and stone and rusted steel.

Loop’s savior never spoke. Maybe they couldn’t. But their quick, clever hands could turn the ugliest, most disintegrating flotsam into inimitable treasures.

“Impressive.” Madame Odile says coolly, nodding. “Siffrin never had the knack for that sort of thing. Carving wood with physical tools is one thing, but mixing media? And across different Craft types, no less? That’s very advanced Crafting.”

“I—ah? Or, I mean… it’s not like it’s hard…”

“You may just have the knack,” Odile informs them. “Not everyone does. It’s a valuable skill, nonetheless.”

“R-Right.”

Madame Odile yawns. “Forgive me. I’m too old to be up this late. But I’ll see you tomorrow, I expect. And, ah—I suspect you don’t care to hear this sort of thing, but—I really am grateful. Truly.”

And before they can even begin to consider their reply, she’s vanished into her tent.

*

* *

* * *

Have you heard this one before? A Traveler walks into a House. Says, Housemaiden, I'm depressed. I can't find the joy in anything. I can't connect with people. I can’t feel ANYTHING. I can't eat, I can't sleep. No, I mean, literally, it’s been eons since I slept. The insides of my eyelids are brighter than the sun. It’s like a fireworks show in here.

Housemaiden says, You should talk to the Savior of Vaugarde. They’re soooo cute and special and pretty and perfect and everyone loves them no matter how many times they ruin everything by being a stupid little freak who can’t even talk right. I bet they could give you some advice!

The Traveler puts their head in their hands and laughs and laughs and laughs and laughs and laughs. Says, But Housemaiden! I -am- the Savior of Vaugarde!!!!

Aaa~nyway, they kill her and eat her heart. And would you believe? It doesn’t make them feel anything!!!!!!

[you’re fine you’re fine you’re fine you’re—]

—fine. You’re totally fine. It’s a clear, bright morning, the breeze brisk and playful, and walking into Dormont doesn’t make you feel sick. The smell of flowers and pastries and juniper doesn’t make you want to vomit. The spiraled roof and crenelled towers of the House don’t turn your breakfast to stone in your stomach. Looking down the path through the trees doesn’t make you want to pull your spine out through your mouth. You’re fine.

Why wouldn’t you be? Just because you abandoned this place? Just because it killed you? No. No. You’re toooo~tally fine. You’re being so normal about this.

A few steps from the House’s gate, Siffrin jerks his hand out of the Fighter’s and throws up. Pathetic. You step into their line of sight to make sure they can see you roll your eyes. They were always soooo~ sensitive.

* * *

Siffrin refuses to enter the House, because they’re a delicate flower who insists on making their damage everyone else’s problem. Loop, of course, never had that privilege.

* * *

“Ugh!” Mirabelle huffs, scowling down at her pottery wheel. “I’ve ruined it again! Siffrin, would you—”

She stops short.

“I-I’m so sorry!!” she squeaks, one hand flying to her mouth. “I meant Loop, of course!! Sorry!! That was so rude; I promise I wasn’t thinking of someone else, it’s just that you… remind me of them, sometimes? N-Not because you’re from the same country! The King was, too, and he felt very very different!! The two of you just… feel sort of similar, is all. The way you take up space, and… the things that catch your eye… It’s almost like you’re—” She shakes her head vigorously. “Ohh, never mind!! I know it doesn’t make any sense!! ”

To Loop’s horror, they can feel their eyes start to itch. Oh, Stars. It’s the worst thing imaginable. They absolutely cannot cry.

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean— I-I’m so sorry!!!” Mira’s hands flit toward them before landing in her lap. “I shouldn’t have said anything; I didn’t mean to make things even worse, I— Do you want a, a… cup of tea? Or some cookies?”

Don’t worry! Loop tries to tell her. I’m completely fine, haha! No problems here! I’m probably just allergic to ceramics!!!! Unfortunately, the best they can manage is, “No Thank You.”

“I—!!” Mirabelle squares her jaw, both hands clenching in the fabric of her skirt. “Loop. Is there, maybe, some way I can help you? I know you don’t think much of us, but we owe you so much!!”

Loop looks away. “You… think I don’t think much of you.”

“Oh. W-Well, um. We… never saw you again, after you helped us save Siffrin. And they’d go quiet anytime we tried to ask about you, so I—I wasn’t sure if—”

“Mira,” Loop says. They take a moment to collect their thoughts. “...Mirabelle.”

“Y-Yes?”

“That’s not a very reliable gauge for what someone thinks of you.”

Mira’s eyes widen.

“For all you know, I might’ve thought the world of you,” they go on, uncharacteristically reckless. “Anyone might. People disappear all the time! They hide, or they die, or they… go somewhere else. It doesn’t mean they never cared. It only means that they cared about something else, too. Or they cared a little too much. Or they’re dead, teehee!”

Mirabelle pulls out a handkerchief and dabs at her nose. “I-I’m sorry… I know you’re only here for our sakes, and now I’m being nothing but trouble…”

Um. What? “I’m here for what?”

“W-Well, um… I guess I thought you’d come to visit because Siffrin told you how upset we were, after you disappeared? Because you saved us—saved everyone—and then we couldn’t even thank you?”

“…What?”

Mira blinks at them, her disorientation mirroring their own. “Which part are you confused by…?”

For the first time in several eternities, Loop lifts a hand to their chest. They take a deep breath in, and out. “H-Haha. I guess, all of it? I certainly didn’t save anyone. Much less everyone.”

“But you did!!!”

“Uh…”

Mira’s eyes widen. “Ohhh,” she gasps, “I see. You don’t like that, do you?”

“—Um?”

“People giving you compliments and things. Praising the things you accomplished, as though you were some sort of storybook hero. When you know that what happened was much less heroic, and much more… accidental. Embarrassing.”

Oh. Huh. Loop had never thought about it in so many words. Probably because no one's ever tried to give them a compliment. But now that she mentions it... yeah. Maybe they can sort of relate.

“I’m sorry,” Mira says again, looking despondent. She slaps both palms against her cheeks. “Sorry!! I won’t do it again!! You just want to feel normal, right? So let’s—let’s Craft some clay!”

“If you’re sure,” Loop says faintly. (Calm down. You’re freaking her out. For once in your life just BE NORMAL.) “…But don’t take it personally if I turn out to be pretty good at this. I have it on high authority that I may have something of a knack.”

* * *

They keep it together for the rest of the afternoon. They finish Crafting their vase and help Mirabelle patch the weak points on hers, smoothing rough edges and pressing air pockets so it won’t shatter in the kiln.

They make it all the way to the bathroom before their smile drops.

The bathroom’s undergone some renovations since the last time they broke down here. Now tiny clay figures dance over the sink, and childish painted murals adorn the doors. A little Change God stands guard over each stall: waving its clumsy arms, kicking its stumpy legs. Its eyes are obscured, its expression unreadable. Its face is laughing. Leering. Mocking. What does it see when it looks at them? A memory? A means to an end? Or only a ghost?

Loop reaches out and takes it in their hands. The Craft that animates it makes it squirm like a worm on a hook. Loop doesn’t pity it. It’s only fair. The Change God never pitied them, either.

“Was it fun?” they whisper, as they squeeze. “Did you have fun? What about now? Are you having fun yet?”

Wet clay oozes between their fingers. The statue twitches and jerks. Loop’s chest feels hot. Their skull hums like a nest of wasps. Lumpy paper swollen with stinging hate.

“I’m having fun,” they tell the wriggling godling, smiling wide. They can’t even tell if they’re lying. To make the distinction, they’d probably need something to compare it to.

The wriggling slows. The heat of Craft fades as the statue goes limp in their hands.

Loop opens their palms. There’s no god there anymore. Only dead, lifeless clay.

They flick open the lock and shoulder through the door.

Outside the stall, there’s someone waiting. Watching. Staring straight at them.

Loop flinches. The stranger looks familiar, but also not. Like maybe Loop’s seen them before, but only in a dream.

—Claude. That’s who it is. Mirabelle’s roommate, Claude. (And who says they don’t have a good memory!)

Claude narrows her eyes. “…Did you just mulch that statue?”

Loop looks down at their hands, crusted with molten clay.

“People work hard on those,” Claude informs them.

Loop has already used up all their willpower for the day. They don’t have the strength to stop themself rolling their eyes. “People work hard on lots of things.”

Her eyebrows go up. “I could report you.”

“Please do,” Loop spits; and in one fluid movement, they’ve whirled around and flung themself out the bathroom window.

They’re three stories up, but they’re not worried about the fall. Worst-case scenario, they’ll drive their blades into the mortar and grind to a halt before they splat on the ground. Best-case, they die on impact.

[You dreamed you were being eaten alive. You can still feel the crunch and grind of tearing cartilage. The way the sinews stretch before they snap.]

Siffrin is fishing by the river. Just looking at the rod in their hands makes Loop want to throw up. They snapped that rod in half once. Tore it out of the fisherperson’s hands and broke it clean over their knee. And then they threw it in the river. And then then jumped in after it.

It’s not just the total futility of it all. It’s the whole process. Catching a thrashing, squirming being in your hands and squeezing the life out of it. Aligning your blade with the seam of its gills, just behind the thrum of its throat. Staring into those gaping eyes, that gulping mouth as you press down hard and harder. Careful, now! If you hit the angle wrong, you’ll miss the artery entirely! It’ll take ages to die! Minutes that stretch into eternities. Gasping, gulping, choking on the hot slick slurry of your own black blood.

Loop shudders. “…I can’t believe you can still touch that thing.”

Siffrin hums thoughtfully. “I think it’s the only thing that never got worse.”

“Ew. Or, I mean. Can’t relate.”

“Well,” Siffrin says. “We were always pretty different.” They flick the rod expertly, sending the fly dancing over the surface. “How’s Mira?”

“She recognized me.”

That gets their attention. “She what?”

“Not specifically,” Loop admits. “But. She said I felt… familiar. Like…” The words lodge in their throat. It doesn’t matter. Siffrin knows what they mean.

“…Hm.”

“Aw,” Loop purrs, mocking. “Does that scare you? Is it scary, to know that you could be so easily replaced?”

“No,” Siffrin says right away. “I guess I feel… relieved?”

(…What?) “Why.”

“I wasn’t sure they’d know me,” Siffrin shrugs. “You, I mean. Us. I wasn’t sure they’d even want to, if we were being… less careful.”

Loop bristles. “I’m more careful than you could ever imagine.”

“No, you’re not.”

Yeah, no, they’re really not.

“So it’s… comforting,” Siffrin shrugs. “To think they’d still like us, even if we were—“

“What? A failure? A ghost? A pathetic piece of work?”

“Well. Yeah.”

Loop squawks a laugh. “Well!! Aren’t you the lucky one!! Even if you wind up as disgusting as me, your friends will still love you! Isn’t that nice!!”

“Yeah,” Siffrin says. “It really is.” They shift their weight, thoughtful, and then seem to remember something. “Oh, yeah. I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

Loop rolls their eyes, but they don’t not listen.

“Why won’t you talk to Isa?”

Loop fails to suppress a flinch.

“He keeps asking,” Siffrin explains. “And I don’t know how to answer. But it’s getting harder to not-answer. I’m… not a very good liar.”

“…Is that right.”

“I’m an okay liar,” Siffrin concedes. “It just—feels bad.”

Loop is very much aware of that, yes.

“He just wants you to like him,” Siffrin says quietly.

“Be reasonable.”

“It’s hurting his feelings, I think.”

“Good,” Loop says coldly. They hope it does. It doesn’t even come close to evening the score.

Siffrin opens their mouth to argue and then just—shrugs, instead. “It’s your life.”

[You dreamed you were alone. You dreamed you were alone. You dreamed you were alone. You dreamed you were—]

—having a nightmare. You know it’s a nightmare because it’s the same one you have every night. You’re standing under a tree, looking at the man you love. He can’t be more than an armslength away. If you stepped out of the shadows, he would see you.

But he wouldn’t know you.

You watch him think of you. You watch him think of what to say to you. You watch him lose himself to heady daydreams. (This is not a metaphor. Subtlety is not his strong suit. The man you love is very obvious.)

You watch yourself approach him. You are short and strange and awkward. You are hiding and lying and you’re so, so, so-so-so-so stupid. The man you love loves you anyway, because he’s stupid, too.

“Isa!”

“Sif!!!” he shouts, when he sees you. “I was just looking at this Favor Tree!! Isn’t it cool!!!”

“Yeah,” you say slyly. “You might say it’s a pretty… TREE-mendous tree.”

Ha ha!! Ha ha ha!!!!! What a stupid blinding joke!!! It’s almost like your pathetic sense of humor wasn’t what won him in the first place!!! Almost like, all along, he was laughing along because he loved you!!!

Not that it matters now. The tree is in the past. The man is in the past. Your future is in the past. Everything you love was meant for someone else. There’s nothing left for you.

*

* *

* * *

Loop jerks awake. The dark is intractable. Undisturbed by any snore or snuffling wheeze. They are utterly alone.

Siffrin begged them to sleep in the Clocktower with everyone else. They even offered to sleep on the ground so Loop could have a whole bed to themself. But Loop wouldn’t budge. How could they? The thought made them physically sick.

They twist out of their bedroll and onto their feet in one smooth motion. They don’t know where they’re going, but they do know that if they have to lie here, alone with their thoughts, for a single second longer, it is actually going to kill them. So—getting up! Getting moving! One foot in front of the other! If they walk fast enough, maybe they can outrun an eternity of unrelenting dread!!!

They don’t have anywhere to go, so they just—go. They just walk. Anywhere would be better than here.

 * * *

Their feet take them to the Tree. Probably because it’s the closest thing they still have to a home. (And isn’t that just the saddest thing you’ve ever heard!!!!!)

They stand at the foot of the trunk and look up at the canopy. Thick strong boughs and wide, glossy leaves framing little windows to the starry void beyond. Idly, without any real urgency, they imagine setting it on fire. It would be easy. They don’t even need flint or tinder, now that their lungs crackle with swallowed stars. All they’d need is a bit of kindling, some pine cones or dry needles, and they could reduce this place to ash.

—A twig snaps.

Loop’s stance stiffens, then hardens. They know that gait. The slow, careful breath before each heavy clumsy footfall. No one sounds more obvious than a great stupid oaf of a Fighter trying to be discreet.

Maybe he won’t notice them. They could make sure he wouldn’t, if they wanted. Loop knows how to disappear. But they’re tired of going unseen.

“…Can’t sleep?”

The Fighter startles so violently that he nearly keels over backwards. Loop could catch him by the elbow, if they wanted. Steady him; help him catch his balance.

They don’t move.

“W-Woah!!” the Fighter gasps. “Haha, whoa! Um… Loop? That’s you, right? Wow, you are really quiet! I totally didn’t see you there at all!!”

Yes, well, what else is new. “I’d expect nothing less, teehee! You’re not exactly observant.”

“Oh. Haha, um, yeah. I guess not.” Siffrin’s Fighter shifts his weight, uneasy. “ Um… Loop?”

“That’s what they call me!!!”

“Did I… do something wrong?”

Loop stiffens.

“Like… I don’t know. Step on your feelings, somehow? It just feels like you… maybe sort of don’t like me? Which is fine!!” he rushes to clarify. “Not everyone has to like me!! It’s just… if it’s something I did, I could… make sure I don’t do it again?”

Loop almost hits him. They want to. They want to grab him by the collar and shake him. To throw him back against the trunk of the Tree and shove into his space until he can’t not see them. They can see the angry thrum of his pulse in his throat and they want to trap it under their thumb. To close the space and feel his heartrate spike. For months they had to watch themself stand in front of him, wanting and wanting and doing nothing, knowing all the while that if it was them, they wouldn’t just stand there, wanting. They’d take him apart with their hands. They’d eat him alive.

“...Loop?”

“Siffrin,” Loop grates out, an ugly scrape of sound. “Sif. Before I killed myself, that’s what you—all of you used to call me.”

“Wh-What?” the Fighter asks, baffled. “What does that even—”

“But that doesn’t matter now!!!!" Loop shouts, grinning wildly. "He’s dead now!! Now there’s only me!!!!”

“I—I don’t understand. I just saw Sif? Th-They’re totally fine!“

Loop rolls their eyes theatrically. “Ugh. Weren’t you supposed to be smart now? Not your Siffrin, obviously. I obviously meant another Siffrin.”

“But—what? What do you… How would that even work?”

A molten sort of hunger comes over them. Loop flashes a glittering smile. “Isn’t it obvious? ~I’m~ what happens when you don’t save me! When you just let me die!!”

“N-No,” the Fighter mumbles.

“Y-Yeah, actually,” they stammer, mocking. Throwing his pathetic stutter right back in his face.

“No, but… Come on. No way. Sif would’ve said something!”

“Oh, because you can definitely count on Siffrin to tell you anything that matters.”

The Fighter has the gall to look offended. “Hey!! They’re honest about important stuff!!”

“I am literally telling you that we are not!!!”

Isabeau shrinks a little. “B-But— But that’s not possible. It doesn’t make any—”

“Then how do I know them?” Siffrin snarls. “How do I know everything about them? Why do I blinding hate you?”

“I don’t…” Isabeau trails off. They can see him starting to wrap his mind around it. Blood cooling, stance wilting. “You… Are you telling the truth?”

“What do you think.”

His shoulders slump a little. “You… killed yourself?”

“Your Sif tried to break the world,” Loop says scornfully. “I think we can all agree on who’s the more well-adjusted.”

Isabeau staggers back. They can see him getting ready to freak out.

“Nope!!” they shrill. “Not allowed!! This is mine!! You weren’t even there!! Besides, you already saved your Sif! So clearly I wasn’t worth saving!! Or were you just holding out for the new model?”

“That’s not—”

Bile sours in their stomach. Steel screams in their veins. Their blood burns with the absolute assurance of what will hurt him the most.

“Do you want to know the truth?” Loop asks sweetly. “If you must know… I hate you! I always hated you. You had everything. Everything!! A home, a family, friends… and still you were dissatisfied? I mean!! Talk about entitled!!”

“I— What? I never said—”

“But you di~id! To every version of me! Even the pathetic rotten failures, teehee! You shared all your ugliest, stupidest hang-ups and guess what? They were all soooo~ lame! Barely an inconvenience! Baby-school trauma for babies!!! It's no wonder you couldn't save me, teehee… You were way, way, way out of your league!”

Isabeau just stares.

Loop’s fists clench. They wish he would get angry. This would be so much more satisfying if he would lash out already. Throw them back against the Tree and snap their brittle neck. But instead he just keeps standing there, looking devastated.

“Ugh,” Loop spits. “This is pointless. You’re pointless. I’m done.”

“L— Sif!!” Isabeau yelps, and that’s the last blinding straw. Loop tucks their head and bolts.

* * *

Isabeau tries to chase after them, but he’s big and slow and Loop can reach terminal velocity in about three seconds from a standstill. He might as well have tried to catch the wind.

They don’t slow down until they reach the field.

Then they cry.

(The cruelest thing is this: If there was no Siffrin in this world, Loop would be the one everyone loved. Loop would be the one who was difficult but loyal; high-maintenance and universally adored. Loop could have been the weird little freak who everyone considered worth the effort.

But Loop gave up. They gave their chance away. And now they’ve got what they deserved: absolutely nothing.)

What are they even doing here? Why would they come back? They knew what was waiting for them. There’s no space for them here, in this place, with these people. The understudy already took their place.

It’s all Siffrin’s fault. Siffrin the hero, leading their perfect shiny life surrounded by all their perfect shiny friends. Siffrin, who got everything they ever wanted and still demanded more. Siffrin wishing wishing wishing to see them again, yanking on Loop’s subconscious mind all day and night to make sure they could never, ever forget. To make sure they’d never be truly free.

…Maybe they’ll just leave. Without telling anyone, without leaving a note. That would show them, wouldn’t it? Siffrin would be so blinding pathetic about it. So hurt and confused. Almost as hurt and confused as Isa, when he found out that his precious little Siffrin could turn into something like this. Something ugly, broken, hateful. Living spite, made manifest. A ghost haunting their own blinding life.

There’s a rustle from the bushes. Light, uncertain footfalls. Loop stiffens. There’s someone coming up the path. Not Isabeau. Not Siffrin, either. A stranger?

From the shadows, someone clears their throat. “Um—”

They don’t get the chance to say anything else. Loop already has the jagged teeth of their knife pressed tight against their throat. “Who are you? What do you want???”

“I’d let go if I were you,” the stranger says coolly. “Unless you want to lose that hand.”

“You wish,” Loop spits. “You’re out of your league.”

“Bet?”

Against their better judgment, Loop can feel themself starting to smile. It’s strangely comforting to be on the receiving end of a threat, for a change. Talking to someone who doesn’t quiver and quail and bend over backwards to accommodate their every demand.

Loop flits backwards, out of slashing range. Probably Siffrin would land in a fighting stance, but Loop is above that sort of petty, childish showmanship. They don’t need a lot of posturing just to kill someone. “What do you want?”

“I heard crying.”

Oh. Was Loop crying? They didn’t notice. Though now that they think of it, their vision does seem a little blurry. “So?”

“Are you stupid or something? So I thought someone might need help. Obviously.”

Hm. That voice isn’t entirely unfamiliar, is it? It feels like Loop might have heard it before. Possibly recently.

—Oh. “Claude,” Loop realizes.

The stranger’s eyes narrow. “So what if I am?”

“Mira’s roommate, Claude.”

“Oh. You’re with the Saviors.”

“I’m not,” Loop snarls. (STOP IT, calm down, you’re going to scare her. Just apologize and run. Say something conciliatory and disappear, like every other—)

“Change,” Claude swears grumpily. “Sorry for breathing, I’m sure. I know you’re lying, anyway. I saw you show up with the Saviors. I’m not gonna act like I didn’t.”

…Oh. She… really isn’t scared, is she? “I—um. Traveled with them, I guess. For a little. I’m not with them.”

“I wasn’t asking if you all made crabbing friendship bracelets,” Claude huffs. “I just meant you’re not from here. What’s your damage, anyway? Why are acting like that?”

Loop chokes on a laugh. Wow, she really isn’t scared. “…Lifestyle choice?”

“Kind of a shitty one.”

“Like you’re one to judge.”

“Takes one to know one,” Claude says coolly.

Hah!! “Well. I’m sure you were really looking forward to swooping in to save some pathetic little loser, but I’m afraid I’ll have to disappoint you. I’m doing great, actually. Just… out on a walk.”

“Uh huh.”

Why do they feel so defensive about this? “Sometimes I can’t sleep! Is there a law against that? Is it illegal to go for a walk?”

“It’s not illegal to go for a walk.”

“Well! What a relief! Then it seems like you have no justifiable cause to follow me around, harassing me!”

Claude snorts. “Wow. Okay, now I know you’re not with the Saviors. Those guys are way too sensitive for this kinda thing. And too sanctimonious for all that… you know. Lying.”

“Shows what you know,” Loop sniffs. “They’re not half as righteous as they’d like you to think.”

(But even so… She’s right, isn’t she? Siffrin would hate getting talked to like this. For a party of powerful warriors, the gang was awfully terrified by confrontation. Fighting Sadnesses is one thing, but fighting with each other? You couldn’t pay them enough.)

Claude gives Loop a flat stare. “For someone who’s not with the saviors, you sure act like you know them.”

“Well!” Loop says brightly. “W-Well!!! What if I told you that I used to be with them! For long enough to know them better than they know themselves!”

“I’d say you were full of shit.”

“Shows what you know!!!” Loop practically screams. “You have no idea what you’re talking about!!!”

“So tell me.”

* * *

Somehow, the whole story comes pouring out of them, in fits and starts and halting, hysterical gasps. Another life, another world. Another Wish. Another Mirabelle, abandoned to her fate. Another pathetic blinding failure of a Savior.

Claude listens, nodding. Then she says, “The King.”

“I’m familiar.”

“I wanted to be the one who beat him. The one Euph— The Head Housemaiden chose. I’m not saying I was right,” she adds, defensive. “Mirabelle is a marvel. There might be no one else who could do what she did. But I— I still wanted it to be me.”

Loop blinks.

“Mirabelle was… the right choice, probably,” Claude concedes. “Better suited. She’s got the right constitution, or whatever. No one could have done it alone. And I’m— I don’t know if I could have recruited like she did. Going around making friends and things. People don’t like me,” she explains. “People love Mirabelle.”

“I like you,” Loop hears themself say.

“Oh.” Claude stares for a beat, unblinking. “Really?”

“Yes.” They’re 90% sure that it’s not even a lie. When’s the last time they could say that?

“Oh. Well, um. Thanks. But I think you might have sort of bad taste. And maybe a bad personality.”

Loop sputters a laugh. “Haha!!! Yeah! I get that a lot.”

“Really?”

“No.” Most people are too scared to say it. “I should, though.”

Claude nods. She can understand that. “But I never got the chance. I couldn’t save everyone. I couldn’t even save anyone.”

“...How do you live with it?”

Claude shrugs. “Eat. Sleep. Don’t die.”

…Right.

“You should probably get out of here, though.”

Loop raises an eyebrow. “Are you throwing me out?”

“Are you actually stupid? Or are you just being difficult?”

(Hah!!!) “I’m being difficult.”

Claude rolls her eyes. “I just mean… You can’t step out of someone’s shadow if you’re still walking side-by-side. You gotta do your own thing.”

“And if I can’t?”

“Then you can’t.”

“And if it kills me?”

“Then you die,” she shrugs. “Isn’t that what you said you wanted?”

Wow. Mirabelle’s roommate is… actually cool? “I think you could have done it,” Loop finds themself saying. “If you’d been the one Chosen. I think you could have beat the King. You just didn’t get the chance.”

Claude stares at them for a moment before her mouth ticks up. “Hah. Yeah. Maybe. No way to know now, huh? We just hafta go from here.”

*

* *

* * *

At the outskirts of town, a blot of stillness catches Loop’s eye. The absolute absence of movement. A hole in the dark, black against the surrounding gray.

“I told you,” Loop says coldly. “You’re not sneaky.”

Siffrin huffs a quiet laugh.

Loop eyes them warily. Even now, Siffrin has almost no presence. Almost like Loop is the one who survived, and they're the one who's dead.

For once, Siffrin is first to break the silence. “Running away from home again?”

“You are not my home,” they can’t help snapping. “But, well. I suppose so. Why not? After all, it went so well the last time.”

Siffrin chokes on a laugh. Then the smile drops. “I don’t want you to go.”

“I should hope not! I’m excellent company.”

Siffrin looks unconvinced.

“But there comes a time in every beautiful traveler’s life when they must shake off the bonds that hold them back and move on to bigger and better things! Forge their own path; digest their own trauma, etcetera and so forth! Maybe I’ll wind up even more famous than you!!”

Siffrin frowns. “…If you’re really leaving, can I ask a favor?”

“You can ask.”

“Can you tell me the truth?”

Ugh. “Fiiiine. I can’t stay because I—I can’t be here without— Without wanting my—” Their throat closes over the words. Fortunately, Siffrin isn’t so stupid that they can’t connect the dots. (My friends back. My life back. Everything that was supposed to be mine.)

Siffrin gives them a plaintive look. “We could share..:”

“Aw, stardust,” Loop laughs. Not a fake laugh. “Two people can’t be the same person. Anyway, we already aren’t.”

“...I know.”

This world’s Siffrin is the source of all of their problems. The root of all their suffering. So why does it make them so sad to see his shoulders droop?

“I’ll come back,” they hear themself mutter, grudging. “I won’t be gone forever. I wouldn’t—”

Loop falls silent. They know that they’re both thinking of the same scrap of paper, crumpled on the library floor.

“I won’t be gone forever,” they say again; only this time, they say it like a Wish. Like they can make it true just by wanting it. “I won’t disappear. I just—can’t be here. Yet.”

“I’m sorry,” Siffrin whispers.

“We all had our roles,” Loop shrugs. “You just got a better one.”

“But— But what if I never find you? What if we never—”

“We’re family,” Loop tells them firmly. A different kind of family. Not the kind you choose—the one you’re saddled with, by blood and bone, whether you wanted it or not. “Aww~~ Don’t worry, stardust. We’re bonded, aren’t we? You know I’ll always find you.”

“If you even want to,” Siffrin mumbles.

“Stars, how are you still such a brat!!! I’ll find you when I find you! Okay? You don’t get to control this! Just let there be one blinding choice that’s mine!”

Siffrin takes a breath. They let it out. “…Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay,” they say again. “You can be in charge. But you have to tell me everything, next time. How you came back, and… everything else. Because we’re family.”

Loop can’t stop themself from smiling. It’s just that—it’s all so unfair. They way Siffrin always gets what he wants, and… the way they can’t help loving him anyway. “Yeah. Okay. I promise.”

Before vanishing from sight, Loop glances over their shoulder. “Stardust?”

“Loop.”

“How do you get used to it?”

Siffrin tilts their head. To what?

“The not-knowing.”

“Hah,” Siffrin huffs softly. “If you find out, write me a letter. I’d really like to find out.”

[You dreamed you were alive.]

Did you know that hamsters eat their young? If you stress out a nursing mother—leave her out in an earthquake, or make too much noise around her tank—she’ll eat her pups alive. You’ll open the lid to find her nest stained black with blood. The half-eaten husks of her children, their claws and bones and hindpaws shriveled-pink and lifeless. It isn’t malice. It’s pragmatism. We can’t survive this threat, she’s saying. We must recoup these resources. Some of us, any of us, have to survive.

Wish Craft can’t hear your words. It only knows the Wish inside your heart. Loop ran away, but they never gave up. They wanted to be free, but they didn’t want to lose. And besides! What’s a little cannibalism between friends! They are family, after all.

There are things that Siffrin wants, too. Things they want and can’t have, because they’ve sunk their roots into the present. Loop isn’t trapped like that. Loop can go where they please.

Off the coast to the north lies an island that Vaugarde forgot. A graveyard for the lost. A monument to stories long forgotten.

But Loop knows how it is to be forgotten.

They look to the sky. The stars have already started to fade, making way for the brilliant flare of dawn. Loop runs a few calculations, cross-comparing the angles from the horizon to the Highstar and the sun.

They go north.

If you want, feel free to read the series in full here! Or if you want for something a lil comfier, you're invited to this very cozy isa/sif side-story.

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale’s Top Ten: Least favorite episodes of Miraculous Ladybug (as of season 5)

With Season 5 finished and my posting of my top 10 favorite episodes, it’s time I crank the meter the other way. Now some rules

1. Like always this is my personal opinion, and if you liked these episodes, that’s great. I would love to hear your reasoning

2. I will be judging them SOLELY of what was shown in the episode, not by any leaks that came out before or after. I’m solely judging on what is seen and confirmed

3. Word of warning, I will be pretty vicious with my critiques. Also profanities will be thrown.

Now before I go into them, I should give some congratulations to some episodes no longer in my bottom 10

Captain Hardrock: You are still a lame episode, but not the worst you are actually decent in comparison to some of these.

Stormy weather 2.0: Clip shows still are awful, but there are worst things

Frozer: In the grand scheme of things this episode really wasn’t important and there are worst character writing

___________________________________________

10.Sole Crusher

Revisiting this, it really isn’t a good episode for ML. I don’t know what was more Shoehorned in, Zoe’s character arc of replacing Chloé or the lucky charm.

It also makes little sense that Marinette would be the one pushing for Zoe considering her experience with Chloé and her family (especially after Season 5 revealed her trauma).

Now Zoe isn’t a bad character, but she will always be seen as the replacement Good bee, and she deserves better writing.

Honestly it could be argued Queen banana should be here, but that episode is too much of a s***post that I get more enjoyment out of it. This is trying to play this straight and it don’t feel right.

9. Qilin

This episode has a some things going for it, great akuma design, decent action. But it also has a ton going against it. It’s in a series of episodes I like to call “Thomas’ gets political” and I will tell you this, he sucks at it.

I would try and explain further but I am aware I would butcher the topic, all that should be said is, racism tackled poorly and Marinette says she will pay for a ticket that her mother didn’t deserve to get in the first place.

Also the animation looks off in the episode, it just looks so bleh. 

8. Migration

Remember that whole reveal that Luka knows both Ladybug’s and chat noir’s identities and how he kept that to himself?

Well that FINALLY gets addressed. And are Ladybug and chat noir mad at him? No. No consequences for him.

The whole episode acts like he is such an important character but this is one of 2 episodes he’s in where he has more than 2 lines.

Then he gets to travel the world with his dad because monarch found out he knows.

Kagami got akumatized twice and she knew Ladybug’s identity, step up your game Luka.

Also the fake out with Rose was bulls*** and everyone knows it.

Also the entire episode had everyone but Luka lacking brain cells.

I don’t rank it lower because while it annoyed me greatly, there are worse offenders on the list.

7. Animaestro

Astruc complains for 22 minutes that nobody cares about him anymore.

Also Marinette teams up with her bully which after watching Derision, WOULD BE THE LAST thing she would do.

This is the worst example of the Creator calling out the audience, There are other episodes like this but this one is the least entertaining. And if the ending of season 5 is concerned. “I’ve seen your writing, so I can FUCKING CRITIQUE IT YOU ARROGANT PIECE OF…”

Okay, I’m calm. Point being. It’s his call out the critics episode and it sucks

6. Furious Fu

I HATE Su Han.

He is a worse version of Fu in every stretch of the imagination.

The episode where Su han shows up and starts making demands is stupid. The only thing he has going for him is his fighting style which he never teaches the two people that could have needed it!

The episode isn’t lower because despite Su Han’s impact, he really doesn’t do much and he is just there to be a nag later on. Also Fu’s akuma looks dope as hell and gave Fu some slack.

5. Feast

So remember how Su han showed up in the last episode. Well he and all the other guardians were gone for over 100 years because they lost to a 4 Foot blue dog made by a hungry child.

This episode isn’t as bad as the others as a stand alone, but knowing the lore makes it sound so completely stupid. Like Fu was HAUNTED by his past and we find out it was because he was hungry when training and the guardians COULDNT handle that? All trained to fight miraculous users should they go rogue, couldn’t beat ONE DOG. The mysterious order is incompetent as heck.

It’s just so stupid. Also Fu was acting irrational af over all this didn’t help.

4.Reflekdoll

I want everyone to know how massive this is, Reflekdoll is no longer my least favorite episode.

For anyone that follows me, my SEETHING hatred of this episode is well documented.

I won’t go on about how the tropes were horribly done or ignored, how off the banter was, or even how stupid everyone is this episode. Because I’ve discussed it in length.

I will simply say, Thank God there is Passion, so if people want a GOOD kwami swap episode they can watch that one.

3. Miracle Queen

I’ve talked about this episode to death on here. But really the only flaws with it are the last half of the episode.

The drama of the first half is great. But the ass pull of a memory wipe, the clear degradation of Chloé’s character, and just the simple giving up of Hawkmoth, he could have easily still won if he pushed a bit longer. The ending was depressing but also a clear example of how the writers put themselves in a corner with no way out.

The only thing that makes it worse is Fu’s replacement (Su han) ends up being a worse teacher.

Also considering how they spent season 4 quickly getting Marinette and Adrien out of the relationships with the love rivals, even they realize it was a dumb call.

__________________________________________

2. Ephemeral

Hey, let’s make an episode to explain why Adrien can NEVER know his father is the villain.

This episode is the go to justification of the writers on why Adrien will always be sidelined. It was also the unofficial reveal of the sentimonster theory before it was said pretty much outright in season 5.

The worst akuma design. Marinette gaslighting, gate keeping chat noir at its worst.

Gabriel wins and gets his wish.

And none of it mattered and no one remembers it except I think Sass. So it was pretty much pointless.

Not even the ladrien and cute reveal could save it.

And don’t even get me started on how pointless and avoidable it is.

It’s almost funny because despite how pointless this was, it’s still better than number 1.

1. Re-creation

So many cool concepts, great designs. Marinette dropping a piano on Gabriel. So many great things. But it also had some flaws, like having Adrien sidelined, and the focus on heroes from the specials for practically no reason. But all of that could be forgivable if the ending lands…

It really shows how an AWFUL ending can fuck up everything.

Imagine having 5 seasons of fighting to stop a villain from getting the miraculous to make the wish only for him to WIN! Yes he wins. He gets to make the wish, you know the wish that was said should NEVER be used. Of all the stupid, asinine, Shark Jumping BULL SHIT. Who the fuck APPROVED THIS HORSE SHIT?!

So he gets his wish, and he gets a statue HONORING HIM. What the fuck? Adrien, who was ABUSED now sees his abuser as a hero and EVERYONE THAT KNOWS THE TRUTH IN HIS LIFE IS HIDING THE TRUTH FROM HIM. Nathalie, Marinette, Felix, Kagami. Even PLAGG!

And the whole utopia crap, everything is just perfect now, because the villain got what he wanted.

That’s a great lessons for kids! (Blatant Sarcasm)

But let’s really dig in, the ending left a LOT of things vague. And hilariously ALL OF THE POTENTIAL OUTCOMES ARE SHIT.

1. Emilie was revived and Nathalie got healed.

So Gabriel gets everything he wanted from the wish, justifying everything he did and he gets treated like a hero and another person hiding the truth from Adrien. Marinette knows everything that brought this about and is keeping that from Adrien, but is justified slightly because it could encourage Adrien to try and get his father back with a wish. Also brings up the question of who took Emile’s place.

2. Only Nathalie was healed.

Gabriel ended up with Emilie like he wanted, gets treated like a martyr, Adrien is technically an orphan, Marinette is knowingly lying to him about his father and Adrien continues to get Gaslit.

3. Emilie is revived, Nathalie is healed, and memories were altered

Gabriel’s wish basically shaped EVERYTHING how he wanted, meaning he is still in control of Adrien’s life even in death. Even his own wife. So while this removes Marinette covering for him intentionally, it just means Gabriel was so much worse.

4. Nathalie’s healed and memories altered

Gabriel gets to be with Emile and has shaped Adrien’s life even in death. Everyone basically puppeteer by him as he died. Sure he’s dead but he also retconned for his redemption, which is bullshit.

Now there are people that defend this ending/potential ending.

I’m sorry but, unless they revive Gabriel and he gets exposed, Adrien finds out the truth, and he gets held accountable for his actions. I can’t feasibly imagine this ending being good.

The writing staff aren’t going to do Anything about this, they are just going to move on to Lila as the main villain and say the Agreste plotline is over.

If they Do, do something, I’ll happily take back my words and alter my view of the episode but right now.

It’s one of the WORST season finale’s I’ve seen in my life.

[mixtape-racha]

it's a scream, baby! bonus chapter #2

chapter: the decision is made - hyunjin and reader centric

words: 631 // warnings: cursing discussions of violence, illusions to sex, reader calls herself "mommy" and hyunjin "good boy"

it all started rather innocently. (y/n) had always been a little bit attracted to hyunjin, but when he expressed the same feeling towards her - well, she would’ve been stupid not to make a move on him. they were a strange pair, and so they kept their shenanigans a secret from their friends.

they just understood each other - they weren’t like other people. and being as such, people didn’t understand them. people didn’t want them around, so it was no wonder they ended up finding solace in each other.

(y/n) had always had a penchant for leadership. but not given, or earned - oh, no - she liked forcing people into submission beneath her no matter the situation. she believed everyone was below her, and that she deserved better than to be surrounded by such scum. of course, over the years she learnt how to mask that, and how to act in a way that was socially acceptable until she was behind closed doors.

hyunjin, on the other hand, was known to be lost without a, quote unquote, “master” to follow. he was a little brainless like that - couldn’t think for himself and needed someone to loyally follow to the ends of the earth. but someone who could also deal with his outbursts - which, more often than not, ended up being pretty violent.

it was like a match made in heaven, honestly. anything (y/n) wanted - all she had to do was demand it, and hyunjin was rushing off his feet to complete the task before she had time to blink. and he had no qualms in what it was that she asked. add laxatives to the drink of a girl who trash talked (y/n)? consider it done. follow a guy who got too friendly with her down a dark alley, and make sure he comes out with a limp? sure, of course! shut the loud, overbearing, annoying neighbor up for good, no matter what it took? oh angel, its like she read his mind!

so when (y/n) came over to see hyunjin one night, eyes lit like a fire and tossing her bag on the floor with so much force that it bounced. he was willing to do whatever it took to make her feel better.

after a sweat-filled few hours of fucking the stress out of her on every surface he could find, cum spilling out of all her holes and the pair well and truly spent, she leaned over onto him with a warm smirk on her lips.

“need you to do me a favor, hyunjin. you’ll do it for me, right?” she cooed, hands waving through his hair as he nodded quickly.

“whatever you need. anything. its yours, just tell me.”

“you need some stress relief, baby,” she gripped his hair by the root harshly, forcing his head to look down at her. “wanna take care of some people for me, hmm? get rid of all mommy’s problems?”

he whimpered, tears brimming in his eyes at the pain as he attempted to nod again.

“just tell me who, i’ll take care of it.”

swiftly moving to straddle hyunjin’s lap, (y/n) smiled. “oh my good boy, such a willing little thing, aren’t you?”

she cupped his jaw, thumb brushing at the soft skin before leaning down to his face.

“get rid of those fucking parasites lingering around us, and i’ll make it worth your while. sounds good, right?”

he nodded furiously, trying to conceal another whimper when she pressed her warm core against his sore length. whoever she needed gone, consider it done. its not like he liked her “friends” anyway.

“thats my good boy,” she crawled down the bed settling between his legs carefully.

“let me thank you for being so good to me, yeah?”

taglist: @pretty-racha @chubbyanarkiss @queen-klarissa @queenfelix @taeriffic @mits-vi @myeg1993 @demetrisscarf @chanssmiles @5kayzee @skz-streamer @iweirdthingsblog @sinforsuccubus @bunniie0325 @torixx80 @fawnpeaks @bangtanmix73 @savluvsmingi @boi-bi-ahaha @moondustmemories @4evrglow @marrivmel @littlepotatooooo @carpioassists @comet-falls

[toriafiction]

Flowers For My Love

One of my Dick /Jason wips. This one just won't get out of my head recently.

It's a soulmate hanahaki fic. 🌸

Check tags for possible tw / cw

Dick has known since Jason was Robin that they are soulmates. Jason didn't know because, at that time, he was too young for the bond to wake on his end, and Dick didn't tell anyone because he didn't want anyone or anything to influence Jason.

He's still a kid and he deserves to explore who he is and what he likes and have his own experiences like Dick did. He should make friends and date whoever he wants and not feel guilty for it. He refuses to take that from him.

So Dick balances his time with Jason very carefully. He makes sure that he isn't around too much. He's absent more than present but when he is around he makes sure that they spend some quality time together and have fun.

It doesn't matter if that's just sitting in the library talking about what book Jason is reading, playing a game or watching a movie together, going out, or even patrolling together. Sometimes Jason comes and stays with him at Bludhaven. Dick shows him his city and takes him train surfing.

It really is a balancing act for Dick. He doesn't want to woo Jason and doesn't want Jason to slot him into the brother role either. His plan is to be a fond yet distant presence in Jason's life until he is old enough to decide what he wants Dick as without Dick having influenced his decision. It's the only thing that seems right at this point.

He wants Jason to grow up with the same freedom he had and to decide what he wants them to be when he is old enough.

Then Jason dies and all Dick can do for years is mourn all the lost time and the future they didn't get to have together.

After Jason comes back and has really started to settle from the pit madness, Dick tries to tell Jason that they are soulmates. He had tried waiting for the "perfect time" to tell him before, and Jason had died. Dick isn't going to make that mistake again.

This time he has rushed it too much.

The remaining effects/magic from the Lazarus pit are still blocking Jason's side of the bond from waking, and without that connection Jason doesn't believe him. The pit rage surges with a fury. Jason thinks Dick is lying to him, trying to manipulate him and Jason is deeply hurt and feels so betrayed. Dick knows how much having a soulmate means to him, and the belief that Dick would use that is crushing.

Dick coughs up his first petals that night.

He doesn't have hanahaki yet. This is a precursor, a warning. There are no ill effects, just the occasional petals. Jason didn't reject him. He just didn't believe Dick.

But things get worse.

Jason is furious. He avoids Dick and, by extension, the rest of the Bats. Everyone is confused by this sudden change. and not so secretly blaming Bruce. Dick is desperate and scared. He just wants to talk with Jason. When he does, it turns into a huge blow-up that becomes incredibly vicious and cruel. In the end, Jason leaves Gotham. Dick leaves the fight heartbroken and not only with hanahaki but the aggressive variant that can kill in a few short months.

Bruce finds out about the hanahaki first, but even he doesn't figure it out until it has already reached the point that it's dangerously critical. He has to hospitalize Dick in the cave and within just a few days Dick requires extensive medical assistance to survive.

Bruce has had the surgery for hanahaki and they have a conversation that turns into a fight. Bruce is demanding that Dick get the surgery and Dick adamantly refuses.

Bruce has the same problem that everyone who has the surgery has. He can't feel love or any of the connected emotions such as compassion, affection, fondness, or tenderness. He can, however, still feel off shades of happiness or pride, a detached sense of pleased, satisfaction, or contentment. He can feel frightened, angry, and responsible.

He can feel deeply possessive.

Bruce can feel all of his negative emotions just fine but the good ones are so much harder to get to now and they aren't as full and complete. But those few bright and beautiful moments in his life are all connected to his family and he can still vaguely remember what it felt like to love his son.

So, he logics it all out in his head that Dick is emotionally compromised and can't be trusted to make this decision. That he knows better than anyone that after the surgery, Dick will be okay and even thank him for this. Dick doesn't need love like he believes. He can use logic and the code to navigate life like he does.

Bruce sets up the surgery for Dick.

He uses Dick's trust in him to drug him and take him in for it.

The hospital staff doesn't account for a Bat's tolerance, and Dick wakes up while they are still preparing him. Dick absolutely freaks out. He tells them he hasn't consented to the surgery. That he doesn’t want it. The staff already knows. Bruce has already taken care of that. Dick tries begging. He's crying and pleading with them.

"Please, don't do this to me." They just put him under. "You'll destroy me."

Dick goes under but never really comes back up.

He is not okay. Bruce thought Dick could live on cold logic and reason. He thought that Dick followed his code because he believed in it. Bruce believed that he was doing what was best for Dick and that when Dick woke up, he would see that.

Bruce was wrong.

There are a few reasons it is so extremely illegal to force someone into this surgery. One of those reasons is because the state of mind they are in has an enormous impact on how they come out of the surgery. Things like depression, suicide rate, or probability to turn violent are deeply affected by there mental state before their surgery. Patients are supposed to have as much therapy as they can manage beforehand. Then afterwards they need a strong and dedicated support team for the rest of their lives.

Another reason is that because without love or compassion it's nearly impossible to forgive.

Dick wakes up with a screaming void ripped into him. It radiates a cold so severe it burns his soul. Dick is furious. Bruce has betrayed him. Bruce has ruined him. He has literally torn apart his soul and stolen all of Dick's love, extinguishing any hope he had left with it.

Now there isn't anything to stop Dick from pouring his fury and pain out onto Bruce and all of Gotham. If Gotham thought it had seen the worst a Bat could do under the Red Hood's fury. Then it hasn't seen anything yet.

Because Nightwing no longer has any mercy left to give.

The streets of Gotham will run red with his wrath and pain.

Meanwhile, space and time to think is exactly what Jason needed to get his head on straight again. He is doing much better when word of Dicks condition reaches him. When Jason hears that Dick has hanahaki, he rushes home to find Dick.

He's two days too late.

If Bruce would have waited just two more days.

When Jason does find him, Dick is standing in the middle of a warehouse turned bloodbath. They talk, and Dick tells him precisely what happened and about just how broken he feels now. He spares no detail, but neither does he embellish anything.

Jason clutches Dick as tight against himself as he can. Like, if he holds Dick close enough, he can merge his heart with Dick's. As if their broken pieces can heal together and make something whole and new.

"I love you, I have always loved you," Jason breathes the words against Dick's skin like an apology from deep within his soul meant to reach the same depth within Dick's.

"I loved you once," Dick murmurs back. "I meant to love you always."

Jason coughs up his first petals.

Jason's hanahaki is the excruciatingly slow variant. Dick didn't reject him, the exact opposite in fact. However, now, by no choice of his own, Dick is unable to love Jason.

Jason feels crushingly guilty for what happened to Dick. The way he sees it, if he would have just trusted Dick or at least not ran away then this would have never happened to him. It makes Jason cling to Dick all the tighter.

"I don't want to lose you again, please, will you let me stay with you." For a long moment Dick just stares at him. His expression having never been more impossible to read before.

"I don't think I want to be alone," Dick answers after a painfully long silence.

Dick is set hard core on his revenge path against Bruce and this is something that Jason understands in spades. The thing is that Dick is really unstable right now. Just like Bruce, he's unable to feel any kind of love anymore and that includes all the adjacent emotions to it as well. Dick remembers feeling the full range of emotions. He remembers fond affection, passionate love, warm compassion and just being able to care. He remembers what it felt like to love his family and remembering hurts.

So instead, he burns with his anger, betrayal, hate, and pain. It's an icy fury that can't be banked and knows no end.

He's hurting and he doesn't know how to stop anymore. Not when the anger is the only thing keeping him going.

This leaves Jason as the voice of reason and as the one who has to throw the brakes on when things start to go too far. Jason has to help Dick realize when enough is enough. Dick always listens. If Jason is saying, "This is too much," then it has to have gone too far. He doesn't question Jason. He trusts him.

Dick struggles with both raging fury and stretches of deep depression. Sometimes swinging straight from one extreme to the other. Jason tries to help Dick modulate his emotions and mental state. Their relationship is rather unhealthy. Jason clings to Dick, refusing to leave him, and Dick ends up becoming really possessive of Jason.

Jason is with Dick nearly from the very beginning of his new life, and he is his grounding point. Dick knows he's better when he is with Jason, and he feels better around him. Just because Dick can't love that doesn't mean that he can't feel any good emotions. He still feels shades of happiness or excitement. Dick can't love Jason, but that doesn't mean that he can't enjoy him. He still has physical needs, and the way he sees it since he and Jason are supposed to be soulmates, it makes sense to go to him for sex.

He means it as a kindness. He doesn't want to hurt Jason, and Dick understands that him sleeping with other people would hurt Jason. So, if Jason meets his needs and keeps him satisfied, then he will only be with Jason. Even if he sees someone else he wants, in order to keep things good between them, he'll abstain.

He basically hands Jason an ultimatum though he doesn't actually mean to.

It doesn't occur to Dick that sex with him now might be heartbreaking. That, because it will mean more to Jason than simple gratification like it is for Dick. It will be a special kind of torture.

He has no idea why Jason cries in the shower after they're done that first time. He doesn't ask though, Jason had obviously been trying to hide it and Dick isn't sure he actually wants to know.

So with Jason as both his grounding point and the source of most of his positive feelings Dick becomes highly possessive and dependent on him.

"How long are you going to stay with me," Dick asks into the dark, sad and hurt and so very scared.

"My entire life Dickie. I won't leave you until the very end," Jason promises.

They both know that end is coming too soon.

Another problem is that Dick knows he isn't really good for Jason. Even though he really does try there are still times when he is unintentionally cruel. Despite this Dick can't let Jason go.

"I'm going to keep hurting you, and sometimes I won't even care that I am." Dick is going through another bout of depression.

"I know Dickiebird, and I'll let you, I'll forgive you, and I'll stay." Jason does his best to take care of him and reassure him. To help his soulmate claw his way back out of the darkness he has fallen into.

The people of Gotham quickly take notice of Nightwing becoming a merciless killer. The few that still believe in law and justice mourn the fall of a hero. The good but down trodden of Gotham that are starving for protection, relief and change see him the same as they do Red Hood. As what Gotham really needs. As someone that will be the catalyst for a change for the better. The criminals only see death.

A lot of theories get thrown around. The most prevalent is that he just finally snapped. That someone can only face the worst of humanity every day for so long before they can't take it anymore. After all, what change do the Bats see? They just face the same goons and villains every night on repeat.

But there are a few who see and recognize the signs, and they know.

Nightwing, a beloved hero, went down and never got back up.

Jason lasts a couple of years with the slow, torturous progression of his hanahaki. If he got the surgery, he could save his life, but that isn't even a consideration. He doesn't want it, and even more than that, he could never do that to Dick.

Jason had read once that the flowers are a physical manifestation of the shattered pieces of a person's soul after being rejected by their soulmate, like petals falling off a dying flower. He had always thought that it was people romanticizing hanahaki.

He isn't so sure now.

He thinks that someone stripped Dick of all his soft and loving petals and cauterized the wound where he was bleeding out, leaving only a thorny stem that remembers and mourns when it was once a flower.

It's cruel.

But he sees how hard Dick tries. Even now, with no love left in him, Dick still tries so damn hard for the people he remembers once loving. He shows it to most by refusing to see them. By telling them over and over when they hunt him down that the Dick Grayson they knew died on that operating table. That he is just the ghoul left behind to haunt them, seeking vengeance for the sin committed against him.

God, does Jason get it. He understands exactly how Dick feels.

Dick is different with him. He clutches tight to Jason and never lets go. Not even when Dick cuts deep into Jason and leaves him emotionally bleeding. Even then, Jason is grateful. There isn't anywhere else that he wants to be than with Dick.

When Jason's condition gets to the point that he has to be hospitalized, Dick stays with him. He feels a sense of responsibility for him and is grateful to Jason for all he has done for him, and frankly, he wants every last second he has with Jason before he loses him forever. So, he stays with him through long days and sleepless nights. Even when the rest of the family comes to see Jason, Dick doesn't leave.

There isn't much the hospital can do for him. Jason is mostly there for comfort care, but he refuses most of the pain meds. They mess with his head too much and make him sleepy, and he doesn't want to waste any of the time he has with Dick. He has been living with this pain for years now. He knows how to endure it.

It's close to the end, and Jason will have to be fully intubated soon. They have put it off as long as they can. When they intubate him, he will have to go on sedatives until he passes. Dick is lying in bed with Jason cuddled close to him.

Dick sets up and leans over Jason to look him in the eyes. “Let's try again in our next life. This was all wrong, but if we hadn't had our chance stolen, we could have been beautiful together. So promise me that we will try again.”

“I promise, for all our lives, however many that may be.” It's obviously painful and a herculean task, but Jason does it even as it leaves him struggling to catch his breath.

Dick holds his gaze and dredges up every last scrap of memory he has of love. He digs up the warm soft, and tender affection and hot and deep passion. He tries to fill himself with it. He kisses Jason and tries his hardest to give everything he used to feel, all that had always belonged to Jason, back to him in that moment.

“It's okay, Little Wing, let go. I'll be right behind you.”

Jason never sees Dick slip the needle into his IV. After Dick injects the lethal amount of morphine, he simply falls asleep and never wakes.

Dick wouldn't let Jason needlessly suffer through the last few days, and he wouldn't let the hanahaki steal his life. It belonged to him.

After he is certain that Jason is gone, he slips out of the hospital. He makes a single stop by a florist to pick up an order he had placed two days earlier. It is a truly massive bouquet with what a casual observer would consider a bizarre mix of flowers. To Dick, it's perfect and terribly beautiful.

Scabious - unfortunate love

Carolina rose - love is dangerous.

cypress flower - eternal love, memories of past love, or love that's unrequited or in vain.

Orange Blossom - Innocence. Eternal love

Primrose flowers - I can’t live without you

Hyacinths - Please forgive me

Blue hydrangeas - forgiveness, rejection, and regret - gratitude, grace, and beauty.

Sweetpeas - Departure, remember me, good-bye, a tender memory, thank you for a lovely time.

wisteria - devotion that transcends death

marigold - the brevity of life, despaired love, grief, sorrow, despair, and mourning, remembering the dead, power, strength

cyclamen - a new path in life, separation, goodbye or resignation

Love-lies-bleeding - hopeless love or hopelessness

Bleeding Heart - Unconditional love, Heartbreak and sadness, unrequited love

All flowers that Jason had coughed up and choked on over the years. Flowers that Jason had grown just for him.

Flowers for his love.

Dick heads to the top of the highest building overlooking Robinson Park, the place where Haly's Circus performed. He very carefully situates his bouquet by the edge and then climbs up onto it.

“Dick, what do you want?” Bruce asks from behind him.

It might seem like an odd question, but for them, it isn't. They both know what he's doing, and Bruce knows that it's because Jason is gone. What he doesn't understand is what Dick is hoping to achieve by doing this.

Dick looks out over the park where his parents fell to their deaths. Bruce had been there that night. It seems fitting that he will watch the last Flying Grayson fall as well.

“I just want to be with him,” Dick answers without turning to face him. “We'll get it right next time.”

Dick had grown his flowers for Jason when he wasn't there to receive them, and they had been stolen away before he could make it back to Dick, but now Dick falls for Jason just like he has so many times before.

Jason is waiting for him, and they will get it right next time.

[tinystepsforward]

algerian trans women arent able to compete in women sports at all, but yeah its makes no sense to call khelif tme. youre so fucking smart.

i see you don't believe that i'm quoting one of the trans women in my life about that, which is your prerogative. it's also your right to miss my point entirely both about the ways this alienates intersex people and about the rigidity of a binary that comes down to the same shrinking circles terfs draw when they try to quantify what a woman is (speak up for women, the most organised nz group, have now submitted on the human rights act suggesting that all babies be karyotyped at birth and the results be public, bc they can't establish any other definition they agree on. absolutely fucking nobody, not even their christian or conspiracist allies, agrees with them on this one.)

but you don't have to take my word for it! when i was at that consultation with the nz law commission, i was in a room with many other intersex and trans people, including trans athletes and trans women like lexie matheson who consult on trans inclusion in sports at a high national level. i don't think there's a single person in that room who did not name what was happening to khelif as we spoke as transmisogyny, who did not speak of her as part of a group with whom we all shared something.

at the end of the day, prison abolition informs all of my politics. i believe that we must look clearly and carefully at harm and distinguish it from discomfort or disagreement, and identify its structural sources and true perpetrators. i believe that to build a better future we must be capable of imagining one. i believe that we can build a world where suffering is not the metric by which we determine value or punishment or righteousness. i believe that we can build a world where we centre and uplift those who are most hurt, in every arena — black and brown trans women, here; in some of my other work, it's incarcerated intellectually disabled people, or asian migrant sex workers affected by section 19, the list goes on — without then pitting them against other people who share some of the same story and will benefit from the same deconstruction of the systems that hold them down. i believe we can build a world in which asab doesn't affect so much of your life by beginning that work now.

there's a politics of scarcity — you have it better than me, so we have nothing in common. i saw it all the time in brothels, the idea that the new girl is taking money out of your kids' mouths. the viciousness with which people who are struggling are so ready to abandon solidarity. is it so hard to demand better for everyone? to think less about the ways we're alone and more about the ways we're together?

maybe it is. i know that well enough as a prison abolitionist. people get scared. they swing at shadows, they swing at anyone who seems to be suffering less, they — we, i should say, i am certainly not immune — get blindingly jealous of people who seem to have it easier. that's grief! that's grief for the easier life that we deserve. and we get to mourn, and take that time to feel it, and then we can choose if we want to keep working hand in hand with each other toward a world where that grief is dwarfed by the promise of the future.

[arianamidnight]

It's so hard to change

Hazbin hotel fic

My AU that's why it's OOC and pretty far from cannon

Warnings: swearing, mention of sex and BDSM, Velvet being Velvet, a bit of tickles

Summary: Valentino tries to change his life, but it's not easy. Will he give up because of the difficulties?

~~~~~~~~~~

Valentino fell on the couch in common VoxTek room and let out a groan. He was tired. No, even not like that. He was exhausted! Yesterday when Angel Dust just accepted his apology, Lust demon thought that maybe changing won't be so hard. How wrong was he...

Valentino started rubbing his forehead with his upper set of hands, while his lower sat was just hanging down.

"Why they're so suspicious, for the sake of sex?!" Moth demon roared.

Valentino wasted all day trying to apologize to his other subordinates and models and create a schedule that would be comfortable for everyone. Result : five subordinates asked if Lust demon feels well, three thought that was a prank and last two started apologizing non-stop and one of them even had a panick attack.

"Awww, Little toy boy is getting all dramatic again?~" Velvet cooed, entering the lobby, looking in her phone.

"Shush it, Babydoll." Valentino huffed, not opening his eyes.

He didn't need to look to know that Social media demon decided to come and gloat him.

Velvet snickered and sat on the couch armrest, taking a selfie with Lust demon.

"Post it and you would be a new 'volonteer' for extra rough BDSM session" Valentino hissed looking at Velvet.

She rolled her eyes, but didn't post the selfie.

"I am doing it for Vox, not for ya. Unlike someone, I care about our reputation"

Moth demon groaned again and sat straight.

"Velvet, shut it. I admit it, I went too far. Extremely too far. But right now you're not making it any better. I'm trying to fix everything, but it's difficult" Valentino started fidgeting with a sigh.

Lust demon wanted to deny, but...

"And you really think I would believe that? Ha!" Velvet made disgusted face "For how long you would last? One more day? Two? After what time you would just get to tired of acting nice?"

"Velvet, stop it." Vox said firmly, entering the common room.

Valentino looked at TV demon in confusion. Did Vox just... Protect him from Velv?

"V?" Social media demon got confused too "Why are you taking his side? That pervert almost ruined our reputation! He killed half of souls he owned, making himself even more weak than he is! Some more time and he would lose his overlord title!"

Moth demon swallowed hard and looked down. It was true. Valentino got so hyperfixated on doing everything he wants that he stopped training. And loosing souls he controls weaked his power too. That's another thing Lust demon needs to fix, and fast.

This sentence caused both Valentino and Velvet to choke with air.

"But he is trying to change!" Vox growled, his voice getting glitchy for a second, before TV demon got himself under control again. "Velvy why can't you see? Val is not pretending. He really understood all his mistakes and I am proud of him"

"You're what?! Vox, are you mad?!" Social media demon yelled.

Vox chuckled at the reaction.

"P-proud of me?" Valentino whispered, dumbfounded.

Valentino felt tears filling his eyes. He wasn't alone? Vox would help? He didn't feel disgusted? He was proud...

"You see Velvy... It takes a lot of courage to admit that you are fucked up and try to fix it." then TV demon turned to Valentino "Don't worry Val, you're not in this alone. I'll help you"

"Ewww, stop breeding dampness!" Velvet jumped off the couch armset.

Lust bemon got embarrassed and fastly tried to wipe his tears.

"I knew that you were weak Val, but sobbing like a toddler? And here I was, thinking that you won't be able to fall any lower." Social media demon said with disgusted face.

This words really hurt Valentino's feelings, but he only swallowed. Moth demon undertood that he deserved contempt fo all he has done so far.

"Young lady, apologize right now!" Vox demanded.

"Never!" Velvet growled.

TV demon really didn't like where this conversation turned. He came here to give Val some support. Vox saw how tired Lust demon was after all those failed apologies.

Vox didn't lie -- he really was really proud of Valentino. That's the Val he knew -- honest and fair. Pervert and hyperfixated on sex and BDSM, that's true. But not violent or ruthless.

Vox let out a groan. This girl sure was stubborn. When she just appeared in hell Velv was much nicer.

"Velvet, apologize." TV demon repeated.

Valentino looked between his two friends and didn't know what to say. He was glad that Vox was protecting him, sure. But at the same time Lust demon didn't want Velvet to get in trouble because of him.

"You know what? My patience ended!"

Vox growled and snapped his fingers. Jolts of electricity started running over Social media demon.

Valentino gasped and... Then let out a sigh of relief when he heard Velvet bursting into fit of laughter. Just tickling, thanks abyss.

"That would teach you some manners, young lady" Vox smirked, watching as Velvet fell on the couch, squirming around and laughing.

"Vohohohohox! Stahahahahahap ihihihit rihihihight nohohohohow!" demanded Social media demon through laughter.

Velvet tried to look grumpy, but it was hard to do so while being a laughing mess. Voxs' tickle electricity was totally cruel. It tickled everywhere at the same time, not focusing on the particular spot, making it worse.

"Voxy, I think Babydoll had enough" Val said when Velvet started tearing up from laughing.

Vox huffed, but stopped tickling Social media demon, letting her finally breath.

"Why?" asked Velvet, when finally caught her breath.

Valentino thought. Really, why? He knew that Vox would stop by himself soon. So why Lust demon asked him to do it earlier? Val chuckled.

And after that TV demon felt even more proud of Valentino. And Vox was sure that soon Val would be a great overlord.

"Because I am trying to change, Velvy. And even though it hard, even though you don't believe me... I won't give up. Because it's not a game. It's my choice."

Velvet got quiet. Maybe she was too fast to judge? Maybe Valentino really was trying to change. Social media demon remembered her first day in hell. She was so lost, so scared. And that's when Val appeared. He just grabbed Velvet and dragged her into VoxTek. And as Velv understood later, it saved her life. She really got unlucky to appear right one minute before extermination started.

Social media demon shook her head, getting rid of the flashback.

Only laughter from Vox and Valentino was her answer.

"Whatever, Val. I would believe you are not playing when I'll see results. Hashtag unshakable~" Velvet huffed and dove back into her phone.

[sepublic]

            Per my last post, you think Luz ever feared and/or struggled with the accusation, direct or overheard, that people thought she was ‘not like other girls’, that Luz just wanted to be treated like the most special person in the world and was angry she was just like everyone else? And the frustration of No, I’m not demanding to be the most unique person ever, it’s not like Luz chose to be different! It’s not like she ever wanted to be! 

           And she’s not pretending she’s secretly better than everyone else, secretly better than other girls, but at the same Luz DOES feel different and ostracized, frustrated even that people don’t feel the same way or care! Luz isn’t making this up, she doesn’t have a victim complex, does she?

         But Luz isn’t socially experienced enough to put it into the right words what she needs to defend herself, to realize the difference to herself, so she wonders maybe they’re right! Maybe I am just some try-hard poser who wants to be cool, who’s just bitter she’s merely average and uninteresting! Luz thinks, maybe I am just a self-pitying nobody who should know my place, and stop acting like some sort of victimized underdog hero while everyone is else is an NPC; Someone entitled to special treatment despite doing nothing to deserve it, blaming and taking it all out on everyone else!

         When Eda gave that speech to Luz, mentioned that everyone wants to believe they’re special, but in the end you really have to work for that thing. I wonder if it really hurt for an additional reason, even if Luz appreciated and found some hope in the advice. If Luz thought those words low-key vindicated how others dismissed Luz and her struggles as her just wanting to be ‘quirky’ or whatever. And she really wants to say she’s not like that, she’s not this envious and selfish person people claim her to be, but what if Luz is? What if she is a freak and a weirdo, Luz barely knows who she is right now, much less who she wants to be!

         And it all just plays into that core desire, that fundamental wish to be understood. For people to not misinterpret Luz in bad faith, to treat her struggle as real and care enough to find out. To know that Luz’s issue isn’t from entitlement, but from a real and profound loneliness that was legitimately cast upon her by others; Luz didn’t choose to be ‘special’, all she did was embrace that to cope with being different, as everyone else decided for her! Luz just wants to be taken seriously, both her wish and her struggles, and not be downplayed, demonized even, as some kid with delusions of grandeur.

         (It’s always the people who aren’t something that are gaslit into thinking they are; While those who never meaningfully considered themselves that most certainly are, yet aren’t called out for and/or admit to themselves as being the very archetype they perpetuate, the one others hold themselves back over for fear of becoming.)

         Like sure, back in the day Luz wouldn’t have turned down being a special Chosen One either, but there was more to Luz than that, rather than this limiting, shallow stereotype; That’s not who she is, Luz just wants people to understand what she really wants and is struggling with! It’s not that Luz necessarily wants to be the coolest, most unique and special person in the world, she just… wants to belong and be told that her existence isn’t a lonely abnormality, while still having meaning! That’s all!

        So it feels so good and so right to be told; I know who you are, I recognize and see you. You’re not the freak people claim you are, nor are you the bitter and entitled brat they jeer you as. You’re not making anything up, your struggles are real and valid. You’re valid. Luz doesn’t want to be better than everyone else, just worth something, anything at all. And for so many people, in her life and in real life, she’s everything to them.

[saintgabrielqueers]

DEAD FRIEND FOREVER (another long rant lol)

let me take a breath before I start

I had seen a post that said the worst trope in shows is when they take a deeply traumatized character and kill them off for shock value even when they were fighting so hard to get their happy ending they could almost taste it.

It made me think of Non because he has been through absolute hell with almost no one to save him. You can bring up Tee trying to help but like Non said Tee should be doing that for getting him into this situation. Tee doesn’t deserves applause in my opinion for trying to help because even if he didn’t get Non stuck in that business he still bullied him outside of that.

Leading up to my point here being that if they kill off Non in the very last episode I will feel the flames of hell licking at my ankles from so much rage.

I’ve seen absolutely no progress with killing any of Non’s bullies and it pisses me off. I know it didn’t happen right away because they need to build up the story first. But we’re down to episode 11 and no one has been killed off except Por.

Now the one thing that has been enraging me the most in this show is Phee and Jin. I’ve come to hate their characters more than everyone else.

The rest of the group are fucked up to Non but they don’t try to hide what shitty people they are. The disgust, anger, and just hateful behavior for Non whether he is in the room or not has never wavered. However Jin and Phee act like they are so innocent when it comes to being complicit in Non’s suffering.

Jin may have been nice to Non for the short time he knew him but did absolutely nothing to shield him from being harassed. I do wonder if Jin would be as nice as he was if he didn’t have a crush on Non, which brings me to my next point.

Jin so easily turned his back on Non when he saw him and teacher Keng together. Getting so angry that Non didn’t like him back so he posts a clip all over school of Non getting fucked by his teacher. It was such a low ball move and he needs to have his ass beat for it.

Phee obviously never bullied Non so why do I hate him so much? It’s the way he has handled everything starting from finding out about Non & Keng all the way up to current events in the show. I can maybe understand the initial reaction to Non sleeping with Keng (minus telling Non to disappear and die) but at some point how did you not put that pieces together that your boyfriend was groomed by his teacher?

Next point is Phee being absolutely no help at all when it came to getting revenge for Non. I already knew Tan/New was the only one I would be relying on to help Non. Phee really couldn’t keep it in his pants long enough until he eventually slept with Jin. We all knew that was going to happen but it just blows my mind he so easily slept with a guy who ruined Non’s life. I don’t care if he said it was to “get information out of Jin” because it’s was such a bs excuse.

Next on the list is Phee exposing the entire plan to Jin because unfortunately he likes that bastard but moving on. Jin then confesses that he was the one to leak the video clip of Non all over school and Phee istg barely looks angry. The most was him getting up and banging his fist on the wall but other than that I’m pretty sure his anger lasted a good 5 seconds.

This is why I can’t take Phee seriously when he claims to love Non because why aren’t you more enraged finding out Jin was the one who ruined your boyfriend’s life? You should be getting in Jin’s face demanding he get on his knees and apologize but instead you did nothing. In the words of Haymitch Abernathy “You could live 100 lifetimes and never deserve that boy.” because Phee truly does not deserve to love Non at all and I���m glad they broke up.

Jin and Phee make it back to the house being very quick to snitch on Tan to everyone about the plan. The thing that irritates me most about that scene is Jin acting so high and mighty like he’s not in the wrong for what he did and making Tan look like the bad guy here for wanting to get revenge for Non. I wanted to smack him in the face so bad there. Phee and Jin truly deserve each other because they are both insecure useless snitches who have never protected Non the way they should have.

Okay final notes here (I say 50 paragraphs later lol) is when Tan is telling Phee to shoot everyone and he’s hesitating. He then says he just wants to know the truth about what happened to Non. That’s it? Are you gonna interview them one by one and just let them go on their merry way after? Seriously why are you even here Phee if you’re going to be useless dead weight on this mission.

Circling back to my main concern for this show is are they going to have Non go thru all that trauma and just not do anything or worse case scenario being they kill him off. That’s really all I care about at this point because if they make the rest about Jin and Phee I’ll be so annoyed.

I also wonder if they’re gonna reveal White to be hiding something or if he’ll be innocent till the very end because he truly is the only character who has no inclusion or cause to Non’s suffering. So that’ll be interesting to see in the final episode.